#but i felt like i should add that they're very open about their identity in the present timeline and wants to be a safe space

[lingeringscars]

i don't think van is very into labels. while van is extremely committed to tai, it's not this 'tai is my girlfriend or would be my wife' thought process. they're together in the wilderness, they were messing around before the wilderness, but without the wilderness, that's really all it would have been. van isn't a person who expects a relationship, especially not in the 90s. she's not ashamed of her identity, either as a lesbian or a nonbinary person, and does not care if people know and eventually ensures that they always have a safe space for LGBTQIA+ youth and adults, but they're not into the committed relationship vibes.

[thenatashapulleyuniverse]

🍬🔪🥐

🍬- post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

This question was hard to answer, but I thought of a response after like two hours of thinking in bed. Before I say what it is, I would like to preface this with the fact that if any of you guys disagree with me, you are free to send me an anonymous ask saying so, or DM me to discuss, or whatever. I am open to changing my mind and love discussion.

That being said, I do not think Takiko Pepperharrow should have been half-white.

I can think of no major and essential reason for her being biracial besides the fact that her being half-English allowed for her to have an interesting sounding last name for the title and her being able to learn English.

Authors are allowed to write in biracial characters. And the biracial experience is no monolith, so who am I to stop a half-Japanese/white person from seeing themselves in Pepper. But Pepper lived in Japan all her life, has been racialized as a Japanese woman, is seen by others as a Japanese woman—and the only thing “foreign” about her appearance is her gray eyes. In her POV, she doesn’t note anybody who pauses to wonder if she’s half white (if I recall correctly. I haven’t read Pepperharrow since last year in January). By all accounts, Pulley could have made her a full Japanese woman and the story nor her character would have changed. 

Pulley's characters of color are written in this interesting way where a lot of them come so incredibly close to introspecting their racial identity in a very English and white world, but do not delve any deeper because Pulley wants to add diversity but doesn't have the experience to say anything more. (Think: Matsumoto talking to Thaniel in Watchmaker about being as English as Francis Fanshaw, he still feels like he's constantly performing whenever he wears Western clothes.) Which is valid. I can understand if she wants to stay in her lane or whatever

And there’s also the argument to be made that well Pepperharrow’s biracial identity doesn’t need to add anything to the story. A person of color can simply exist to be a tool for the narrative and we don’t really need to dwell on their racial background because it simply isn’t important to the larger story. LOOK I GET IT! But this thought can also coexist with the idea that a character’s racial background can affect who they are as a character! How they view themselves, how they act in public, how they act behind closed doors. It adds another interesting layer of characterization!

I can’t help but compare her to Pulley’s other biracial Asian character, Joe Tournier. Whereas I believe Pepper didn’t need to be half-white, I could not say the same for Joe at all. His being half-Chinese creates an interesting contrast to Kite in that both men are hiding who they really are; both men have changed their last names in order to be taken seriously (Kite even lets his Spanish accent show when he’s feeling vulnerable!!) and both have never really felt like they had a place to truly belong to. Joe’s racial background doesn’t add anything world-changing to the overall stakes of the narrative, but it adds a depth to the themes of The Kingdoms about characters finding home. 

tl;dr: my girl pepper didn’t need to be half-white ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🔪- what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project

I can't think of anything absurd right now so here's what I've researched in the past and you decide if they're that weird:

pre-colonial filipino boats (because i didnt know if they used sails or not)

victorian dinner party etiquette

victorian stocks and investments

🥐- name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

"they call me the fujoker. why so yurious?"

[mayybirds]

I love that Ethan is Jewish in your fic. I like that it adds some depth to his character and is especially poignant in zombie-ish settings I think. I was wondering your opinion on non-jewish writers making characters Jewish in fics? Especially in settings that could be especially upsetting for a practicing Jew. Im Jewish but I feel like I barely qualify as both my parents are Jewish atheists and I'm kind of disconnected from my faith so I'm wondering if it would be a bad idea to include such hcs in my fics. Also I was wondering, what do you think about Jewish!Karl Heisenberg?

Oh, thank you! Making Ethan Jewish was initially an impulse decision, but one I felt very strongly about once it was in my drafts. I'm glad it resonates. <3 I do think putting a Jewish character in a zombie setting is such an unexplored area, and if I'm brave enough I definitely want to eventually push on what Ethan's (loose) sense of Jewish faith would make of realizing he's a mold!boy, given Jewish laws around body modification and funeral proceedings...

I personally have no problem with non-Jewish writers writing Jewish characters, though a couple things worth noting here--I fall into the old(?) camp of thinking that generally a mixed/diverse cast more representative of the real world in any story, so long as it is done with respect and good intent (and an open ear to feedback), is for the better, rather than the new (Twitter inspired?) mind that one can only ever write from their own worldview successfully (There's layers and layers of nuance here concerning that debate and what stories one "can" write and where one might be overstepping boundaries, but that's not your question really so I'll not jump into my whole spiel there).

The second thing worth noting, though, as it pertains better to your question and your information on your personal situation... depending on who you ask, I'm not Jewish either, lol! To be clear, I identify as Jewish both religiously & culturally, have Jewish ancestry, and consider myself a practicing Jew--but I'm only ancestrally Jewish through my father. My mother was not born Jewish nor ever converted. Depending on who you ask, I'm not Jewish haha. I see myself as Jewish, as I was raised in no other faith, and according to many reform Jews--the sect I belong to--that's good enough. If you asked many other Jews, though, (hell, if you asked some of my own orthodox ancestors), they'd likely tell you "no!!!".

Rule number one, with Jewish people, in my experience? None of us agree on almost anything lol. Jewish faith is splintered into vastly different sects and practices, these days, and what's acceptable and true to me as a reform Jew likely lines up very little with what's acceptable and true to most Orthodox or Conservative Jews. I guess I say all this for two-fold reasons: One, to not cast any illusions about my Jewishness in order to better appear a "jewish authority," but also to stress that... there's no single good answer for a "jewish authority," because Judaism isn't a singular uniform religion. As the child of non-practicing Jews, you likely already know a lot of this, but it feels worth stressing! To me, if you asked, I'd say you're Jewish if you feel you're Jewish, which entitles you to explore and write about your view of Judaism/Jewish identity however you please--in fics or otherwise.

And for people who aren't Jewish at all, I think it's just worth noting--there's no interpretation of Jewishness that would please all Jewish people lol. I'm sure my interpretation of a Jewish!Ethan would be wildly offensive to some other Jewish people. So much as I say, "write in good faith and listen thoughtfully to feedback," no one should ever be shocked if they're praised by some Jewish people and criticized by others. Like all religious and cultural/ethnic minorities, Jewish people are not a monolithic opinion... we're arguably more splintered than many minorities lmao.

But yes, tldr, my personal opinion? I think you individually have every right to write Jewish character hcs into your fics, just as I think anyone can as long as they do so with respect, restraint, and forethought (&, as a Jew, "barely qualifying" or not, I'd say you personally have more wiggle room than goyim to just...do as you like with your writing about Jewish-ness... when one is basing their fiction off any personal experience, arguments about 'validity' become ridiculous. It's valid if it's true to your experiences and feelings, even if they're not universal! Nothing is universal!). That said--take my opinion with a grain of salt, because I have no more right to give you a "Jewish stamp of approval" than anyone else!

(And on your last note, I'm actually a huge fan of the idea of a Jewish!Karl. My current draft notes for his chapters currently imply his mother was Jewish, but I'm undecided on whether I'll explicitly leave that in. In my heart, though, yes, he's matrilineally Jewish. I think it brings an additional element to his backstory of basically being abducted into a religious cult and stripped of his own identity as a child particularly... poignant... because boy did Christians do this to some Jewish kids, historically!)

[gendercensus]

On plural inclusivity and "plural they"

In the Gender Census feedback box and elsewhere I have frequently been asked:

to make the annual Gender Census survey more inclusive of plural participants, and

to add "plural they" to the checkbox pronouns list alongside "singular they" in order to be inclusive of plural participants.

It's a rambling topic, so I'll address them in sections in that order.

~

INCLUSIVITY RE: PLURAL PARTICIPANTS

I've been inviting plural people to take part in a short survey about the Gender Census, asking questions that help me get a feel for the issues involved and asking about whether people feel included in the survey (and why or why not). At the time of writing there have been 139 responses, I will leave it open for ongoing feedback, and I'm unlikely to be publishing the spreadsheet of results in full because the responses are off-topic and very personal. However, I will refer to some individual responses as well as my personal experience discussing inclusion with plural systems.

Here's a graph based on the responses so far:

I'm asking for direct feedback about this issue because over the past few years plural folks have been one of the more consistently vocal groups in the feedback box of the survey and elsewhere, which would usually be fine, but I've been finding it very overwhelming and confusing. I think that's because the advice/demands/questions have been unusually inconsistent, often to the point of being in direct opposition to each other, and the result is that I have no idea what to do.

Before now, most plural people have understood that it's quite a nuanced issue. When asked I would explain that if they felt that filling it in once for the whole system made more sense they should do that, and if individual system members felt strongly that they should participate alone then they could do so.

This year it got to the point where I had to make a decision and write unambiguous, easy-to-follow guidance about how plural people should fill in the survey, because I had one system submitting dozens of responses and giving the exact same three points of feedback, paraphrased, over and over - making it look like many unconnected people felt strongly about these particular issues, when in reality it was all this one system. I decided that, to be as fair as possible, plural people should fill in the survey once per body.

When I posted about the "once per body" policy on social media I received very little direct feedback, which leaves me in the position of not knowing whether that's because I did it right and you have no complaints or because you've all jumped ship! The statistics and comments from the plural feedback survey are very helpful in this regard:

It seems that plural participants, on the whole, are fairly understanding about it all, often supportive, and are still able to participate. ("Unknown" and "no strong feelings" together are a much higher proportion than I expected.) Some positive feedback included appreciation for the ability to select as many gender identities and pronouns as one wants. Common arguments against the policy include feeling that system members are not treated as people in their own right, which is understandable; the Gender Census is designed to present practicable data about nonbinary people for use within a system that assigns one identity per body, socially and bureaucratically. A "once per body" policy makes sense when prioritising nonbinary people, but adds to the list of crap that only plural people have to struggle through when they're not the main focus of the research.

I was surprised that only a couple of people pointed out that some systems have amnesia between members, and so some systems may participate more than once per body unintentionally. (I understand that this is unavoidable, and I certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Sometimes non-plural people participate more than once by accident, too! On the scale we're talking about, I'm unlikely to even notice it happening.)

Back when I first started to get requests to make the Gender Census more plural-inclusive, my first move was to ask people what exactly they felt excluded by. Responses to this have been continuously nebulous, to the extent that I don't think I have ever made any design changes to the annual survey at all as a result. I also asked what they would do to improve the survey and help them to feel included, but this has yielded very few viable ideas for how to move forward, just because so many of the ideas that people suggest are mutually exclusive.

As an example, I spoke to one member of a system who expressed, understandably, that their experience of themselves as plural inextricably affected their experience of their gender(s), and after some discussion they concluded that the two were so intertwined that it made the most sense for it to be included in the identity question, e.g. a checkbox called "plural" alongside nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. I explained that I don't arbitrarily add things to the checkbox list, but it would be counted if it was typed into a textbox underneath, and if it went over 1% I would consider adding it to the checkbox list. They became increasingly angry. The only way this situation would make sense for them moving forward was if I added "plural" as an identity checkbox option immediately. Conversely, just a couple of weeks previously I had spoken with a member of a system who was very vocally distressed at the idea of plurality being conflated with gender, and wanted to make sure that I never added "plural" as an identity checkbox option.

As another example, in the plural feedback survey when I asked people how they felt about the "once per body" policy, a member of one system was against it and said "it feels like this policy doesn’t recognize us as separate people", but a member of another system was in favour and said "we're encouraged by our therapist to think of ourselves as dissociated parts of a whole. So we're all one person, just not directly connected like a singlet [non-plural person] would be. From that perspective, it makes sense to keep us as one person in the gender census, no matter how many genders we have." It's not possible to reconcile these two perspectives.

From the very beginning up until now, the unifying theme for feedback from plural people and their allies is "please be more inclusive of plural people." That's a really good start! After that it becomes a plate of tangled spaghetti.

Here are some themes I've managed to tease out, and my thoughts.

"Each system's alter should be able to participate in the survey individually if they want to." Some systems have literally hundreds of alters, and several systems have acknowledged in the feedback survey that this is probably both impractical for many plural people and unfair on singlets.

"We're okay with taking part once for all of us in the system, but we're just checking all the boxes that apply to at least one of us, and some of those are explicitly disliked by at least one of us. This is uncomfortable." I think that's... probably okay, actually. Other subcategories of participants whose identities fluctuate that strongly (e.g. a genderfluid person who is sometimes very male and sometimes extremely not male) or whose pronouns are context-dependent are also in this predicament. Participants often express a desire to rank their identity terms by importance, accuracy, fluctuation or frequency. The survey aims to collect broad and fuzzy data about a very large group of people, to monitor trends and let people know what language we're comfortable with on the whole. This survey just isn't looking for that kind of nuance.

"We're okay with taking part in the survey once for everyone in the system, but there should be a way to separate out responses about different alters within that one response." It's literally impossible to program the survey to have infinite subsections for each alter, but if it were possible, what would I do with the data? I think the most likely approach would be combining into a list of identities etc. "per body". The participant would feel better for being able to enter different words for different alters, but it would be more work for them, and it would be more work for me to process responses from plural people just to have them be counted like those from non-plural people.

"There should be a 'plural' checkbox in the identity list so that we can express that our gender is influenced by our plurality." I consider adding terms to the identity checkbox list when they're typed into the textboxes by over 1% of participants. There are some situations where I'll make an exception to that rule, but it's unusual and this isn't one of them. Whether you enter a term using a checkbox or a textbox makes no difference to how well-represented you are in the results.

Maybe just a question that asks if you're plural, with a checkbox? What would this checkbox do? Plurality is beyond the scope of the survey, along with things like height and eye colour. It would allow curious people to analyse the responses using plurality as a variable, but I wouldn't include it in any analysis in an annual Gender Census report.

That last one is particularly interesting, because it's what I actually did in the supplementary survey. I wasn't 100% sure in advance whether or not I would need that information for the singular vs. plural they issue, so I included an "I am/we are plural" checkbox just to be on the safe side. As far as I could tell, the survey was no more or less materially inclusive than the annual Gender Census survey. There were a couple of interesting patterns to report in the statistics, but the main things I noticed were:

Feedback saying that the survey wasn't inclusive of plural people was non-existent.

Several people thanked me in the feedback box for making the survey plural-inclusive.

Several people promoted the survey on social media by using its plural-inclusivity as a selling point.

Again, the supplementary survey didn't take a different approach. There was no particular difference in language, there was no indication that whether or not you're plural would be integral to the reporting of the results or even used at all, the only difference was the existence of a checkbox that let participants declare their plurality.

That's all it took to cause a complete U-turn in feedback. A checkbox that doesn't relate to gender or connect to any of the other questions in any way, and isn't particularly statistically useful based on the supplementary survey. It doesn't make the survey more inclusive, it just acknowledges that some participants are plural, and gives them a way to declare it.

Whether or not participants are plural is beyond the scope of the Gender Census, which aims to collect broad data about how we as nonbinary and otherwise genderly-interesting people want the world to see and describe us. It just doesn't make sense to include questions about plurality in future surveys. But I'm honestly amazed and a little confused, because until the "once per body" policy was added it seems that there wasn't actually anything about the Gender Census that prevented plural people from participating, at least not more than anyone else whose genders change significantly over time.

~

SHOULD "PLURAL THEY" BE ADDED TO THE CHECKBOX PRONOUN LIST?

This is something that participants often ask me to do in order to make the survey more plural-inclusive, so I decided to seriously consider it.

The first draft of the supplementary survey asked over 1,000 participants about this issue, but I had to scrap those responses and then redesign and restart it because, even though dictionaries are fairly clear on what exactly "singular they" is, a lot of survey participants who are not dictionaries seemed to be in disagreement (or confusion) about what singular they and plural they actually are. I have been unable to find any academic or reference articles online using the phrase "plural they" at all.

Here are some of the things people have told me recently:

"Singular they" is when you use "they" with singular verbs, e.g. they is a teacher.

I can't say that I use "singular they" pronouns because I always say "they are". "They is" just sounds wrong to me.

"Plural they" is when you use "singular they" pronouns to refer to a system/someone who is plural.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are grammatically identical except for the name.

"Singular they" and "plural they" are functionally the same and should be combined into one option called "they" in the annual survey.

Let's start by stating what we do know for sure.

~

THEY VS. SINGULAR THEY

For the record, "singular they" is defined by its purpose and context, not the specific words used.

Wiktionary says:

they (third-person, nominative case, usually plural, sometimes singular, objective case them, possessive their, possessive noun theirs, reflexive themselves, or, singular, themself)

It then goes on to specify three use-cases:

third-person plural, referring to two or more people

third-person singular, referring to one person

"indefinite pronoun" - people; some people; people in general; someone, excluding the speaker. E.g. "they didn’t have computers in the old days."

So we've got "they" (groups), "singular they" (individuals), and "indefinite they" (an "other" that is ambiguous in number).

Again, I have never found anything academic or, er, dictionarical (lexicographical?) that calls any of the forms "plural they", so my first job is to find out whether what Gender Census participants are calling "plural they" is the same as what the dictionary just calls "they", which is defined as the set used to refer to two or more people. For the purposes of this article I will call it regular "they".

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP SINGULAR THEY?

Even though most dictionaries will state which words make up singular they, and it's usually they/them/their/theirs/themself, if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called "singular they" if it is used to refer to only one person. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is a writer" or "they are a writer", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about only one person, it's still singular they.

In the annual survey, singular they is consistently chosen in the checkbox pronoun options by the most participants, usually more than twice as popular as the next most popular option. (I use the dictionary-provided set, and I've checked it's still the most commonly used in several polls and surveys along the way.) In the annual survey, singular they is presented as:

singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself (e.g. "they are a writer")

~

WHICH WORDS MAKE UP PLURAL THEY?

I had never heard of "plural they" before people started asking me to add it to the checkbox list in the feedback box of the annual Gender Census survey, but it seemed clear from the name that it is meant to be contrasted with singular they, and I wondered if perhaps everyone else had been calling regular "they" (for referring to two or more people) "plural they" this entire time and I just hadn't noticed.

It was specifically presented to me by participants as a pronoun that a plural system could claim, and that a plural system might prefer over singular they. This tallied with my initial assumption that "plural they" may just be regular "they" referring to groups, since a system is a body containing two or more distinct individuals, so if they wanted to be referred to as a group then singular they would be inappropriate and regular "they" would fit.

I went to the pronouns spreadsheet of the 2021 Gender Census, and took every pronoun set that was named and copied it into a new spreadsheet. I ran a query to list all sets that contained both the words "plural" and "they" in the name field. There were 71 results, out of ~44,500 total responses. I ran another query to find out what these people were entering in the reflexive field, and here's what I got:

themselves - 61 (85.9%)

theirselves - 3

them - 2

themself - 2

themself (plural) - 2

theirself - 1

So I think it's safe to say that the set that people are calling "plural they" uses "themselves" as the reflexive, which is consistent with dictionaries' reporting of regular "they".

I conclude that most people do mean regular "they" when they refer to "plural they". "Plural they" seems to be they/them when used to refer to two or more people, including the plural reflexive "themselves".

As in "singular they", if you change individual words within the set or even around the set it is still called regular "they" if it is used to refer to two or more people. This might happen due to regional or cultural variations. So whether you say "they is writers" or "they are writers", whether you say "themself" or "themselves", if you're talking about two or more people, it's still regular "they" (or plural they).

~

IS PLURAL THEY GETTING SMUSHED INTO ANOTHER PRONOUN/GROUP?

I recently explored the (apparently unintentional) overlap of Spivak (e/em) and Elverson (ey/em). In case you've not read it, here's a brief overview: I found that it might be that Elverson (not on the checkbox list) is many times more popular than Spivak (on the checkbox list), even though it isn't being written into the pronouns textboxes often enough for it to reach the 1% threshold. Since the two sets are identical except for that one letter in the subject form, it is very likely that many of the people who use Elverson (ey/em) pronouns are choosing the Spivak checkbox option in the annual survey because they don't realise the spelling is different, or they think that they are minor spelling variants of the same set. I concluded that in order to get a fair count of both sets I will need to list both in the checkbox options next year, even though Elverson hasn't been typed in by over 1% of participants yet.

It's possible that the same thing is happening with singular and plural they. I ran a couple of Twitter polls, asking people whose pronouns are they/them which set they prefer, and presented answers like this:

a) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELF

b) Singular they, referring to only 1 person: they are themSELVES

c) Plural they, referring to 2+ people: they are themSELVES

Here's the results, with 927 usable responses:

The results of this poll are really useful, because it allowed people to choose between singular and plural they AND themself and themselves, in combination. We can see that of the people who call their pronouns "singular they" (referring to only one person), the majority prefer "themself" as the reflexive, but a respectable proportion prefer singular they with "themselves", even when presented with the option of "plural they" (referring to two or more people).

(I have a policy of providing the most popular word choices in checkboxes, so I will continue to provide a they/them checkbox option that says "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself", but since singular they is consistently the most popular pronoun this is something I like to keep checking in on.)

If we apply these proportions to the 2021 Gender Census responses and imagine that everyone whose pronouns are they/them chose "singular they - they/them/their/theirs/themself" regardless of how accurate that is, this would mean that 3.7% of all respondents would check a "plural they" box, which is well above the 1% threshold for adding something to the checkbox list. Why not add it to the list, the way I'll also be adding Elverson to the list? This graph may help:

I generally consider it unwise to make big decisions based on Twitter polls, because the sample is much smaller and more biased than a standalone survey. Twitter requires membership, Twitter membership is skewed younger, and younger members are more likely to use Twitter often and see polls when they appear.

However, even I can't deny that there is a very clear mandate here for Elverson to be added to the checkbox list. When given a straight choice between the Spivak, Elverson, both, and neither/something else, participants were over six times more likely to choose Elverson over Spivak. (For context, Spivak got 4.3% in the 2021 Gender Census as a checkbox option.) Even if this poll were somehow put to the entire Gender Census participant group, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the results shift enough that Elverson gets a lower percentage than Spivak.

4.7% of a smaller sample of younger Twitter members just isn't enough to push me to add something to the checkbox options. I really hope that everyone whose pronouns are "plural they" takes the time to type it into next year's survey as a pronoun distinct from "singular they", so that if they do end up being over 1% of participants I can add "plural they" to the checkbox options.

~

IN CONCLUSION

As far as I can tell, the Gender Census doesn't particularly exclude plural participants. Systems are still able to take part, so it is at least as inclusive as any other survey of a similar nature, maybe even more so thanks to the ability to choose multiple gender identities and pronouns "per body".

There isn't sufficient evidence to support adding "plural they" to the list of checkbox pronouns at this time, and systems can be represented in results by typing any plural-inclusive terms and pronouns that are not on checkbox lists into some of the many textboxes provided, as any other participant would be expected to do.

The "once per body" participation policy is uncomfortable for a significant number of plural people. However, due to the intensely varied experiences of plural people, any policy on that issue that I impose would make some plural people uncomfortable - and it turns out that I chose the "side" that plural people are more likely to agree with. The survey isn't intending to collect or convey the more nuanced information that plural people (and others) have said that they would like to provide.

A separate question that specifically asks participants whether they're plural makes systems feel seen and acknowledged, but is beyond the scope of the project and doesn't add value to the data or analysis.

So, I will not be making any changes to the Gender Census at this time, based on the information I've gathered so far. However, I welcome further feedback in the plural participants' feedback form, which will remain open, anonymous and private.

~

Edit: Follow-up.

[painted-crow]

hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

[hermannsthumb]

If you're still taking requests!! Fake Dating situation where Newt and Hermann go to a public event together. they're used to being mistaken for a couple at the Shatterdome, so they expect to be mistaken for a couple at the event. But then they meet someone who definitely Does Not mistake them for a couple (because homophobia) and assumes they're just Very Good Friends. cue Newt and Hermann aggressively pretending to be a couple.

always and forever taking requests!!! this is such a fun one, THANK YOU

--------------

“We’ll have to go in eventually,” Newt says.

Next to him, Hermann silently fumes, apparently unable to decide whether to continue tugging at his stiff collar or grinding the bottom of his cane—over and over, in a sort of circle—against the sidewalk, leaving streaks of black rubber behind. “I hate these damn things,” he says under his breath, though it’s unclear whether he means his outfit or the event. Hermann’s dressed up tonight in a suit that’s hilariously oversized (even for him) and fraying in places, with a bowtie that he’s knotted crookedly. Newt wonders if the suit’s a hand-me-down from his brother. “Begging for funding, as if we haven’t anything better to do with our time. As if we’re not working for the better of all of them. It’s bloody degrading.” He works his jaw angrily. “And if that isn’t enough—everyone always makes—assumptions—about us.”

Oh, okay. The event. “Assumptions?” Newt says.

Hermann lets out a hiss of air between his teeth. “Assumptions,” he repeats, delicately. “About—ah—the certain nature of our relationship.”

“Oh,” Newt says. “Oh.”

At the last one of these things they went to, someone (actually generous enough to open their checkbook for once) asked Hermann whether they should make it out to the PPDC or Dr. Gottlieb and his husband. At the one before that, a dinner event, the name placards at their table said Dr. Newton Geiszler-Gottlieb and Dr. Hermann Geiszler-Gottlieb. Before that, at a more casual affair at an up-scale bar, some tech hottie sent Newt a martini, before hurrying over and apologizing in person that (gesturing between Newt and Hermann) he didn’t realize Newt was with someone. Newt really wishes Hermann would just get it through his head already that introducing someone as your partner and dropping the important research part of it tends to hold drastically different connotations outside of, like, the group of people who know them on the Shatterdome base, because that would clear up probably sixty percent of the confusion. If not just so he can pick up a few numbers at these things for once. Still, though—for some reason it’s never really bothered him like it clearly bothers Hermann, but Newt supposes he’s not exactly a catch by any standards, so it makes sense. “I just don’t know where they get the impression—” Hermann begins, and Newt interrupts him.

“Yeah, well, you should take it as a compliment,” he says. “You could do a lot worse than me.” He opens the door for Hermann and ushers him in. “Seriously, we’ll be late if we don’t go in now, and that makes it, like, twice as awkward.”

As usual, they have to sit through some incredibly boring speech about how they’re sitting among some of the best scientific minds of the century right now, how they’re honored to play host to their colleagues at the PPDC, how the buffet will opening shortly for dinner, and then a different person gets up and makes another speech, and then another person with another, until finally the first person gets back up and promises that closing remarks will be in three hours, and how they should all enjoy themselves until then. Claps. Under his breath, Newt says to Hermann, “Doubt it.”

“Which side shall I take, then?” Hermann sighs. He’s probably the only one in the room not clapping. He told Newt a while ago that he doesn’t like to put on airs, and especially not in the service of flattering someone’s ego, and he’ll only clap for a speech if he feels it deserves it. He’s such a weirdo.

Newt surveys the room, considering. Luckily, people tend to flock together in similar little groups at these things. Birds of a feather shit. “Left. Everyone on the right is too young and hip-looking, so that’s out of your range.” He gets a cane to his shin, and grins even has he winces. “Kidding. Let’s just do it together, it’ll make it more bearable.”

Their first target is a forty-something marine biologist who’s very excited to meet Newt— “I followed your research on jellyfish for years!” she says. “I had no idea you’d be here tonight!” —and who is more than happy to promise donating a little to help fund the war effort. Their next is someone younger than both of them, whom Newt suspects is heir to his dad’s tech company or something, and who is easily guilted into promising even more than the biologist. “We’re having a lot better luck than usual,” Newt says, as they watch the kid hurry away to mingle with a group of other twenty-somethings. “Do we look more, like, respectable tonight or something?”

“It’s the open bar,” Hermann says.

“Yeah, probably,” Newt agrees.

“And anyway, we’re still terribly behind on our goal, so there’s no use getting too pleased over ourselves,” Hermann says. He sniffs. “If you still want that bloody—whatever it was—kaiju spleen, we need at least—”

“Okay, okay,” Newt says.

He nods at a small group standing by one of the buffet tables, holding half-eaten plates. People tend to be in better moods when they’ve eaten something. Hopefully more generous moods too. “Let’s try them,” he says.

Hermann is the one to initiate the conversation this time, launching at once into a variation of the little script he and Newt penned so long ago the night before their very first gala. “Good evening,” he says. They get a few polite smiles and nods of acknowledgement in return. “I’m Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, and this is my partner—” Newt tries not to groan. “—Dr. Newton Geiszler. We’re here representing the PPDC tonight. I don’t suppose we could have a moment of your time?”

The mood of the group changes immediately, but why Newt can’t figure out; it’s like they suddenly go hostile on them. Hostile, and tense. Newt is suddenly astutely aware of how each of the three dudes have a good few inches on both him and Hermann. “The PPDC?” the guy in front says. He's not smiling anymore. Maybe they all supported the jaeger program defunding or something. “Sure.”

“Er,” Hermann says. He clears his throat. “Newton—that is, my partner and I work for the kaiju research division at the PPDC’s Hong Kong base. As you may well be aware, the latest cuts to the PPDC’s budget have been quite dev��”

“So you and your friend,” the guy says, with a little more emphasis on the friend than Newt would like, “are going around asking for donations? To help buy pencils or something?”

“Well. Essentially,” Hermann says. He doesn’t seem to have picked up on what Newt did, though he grows visibly nervous anyway. Outright hostility isn't anywhere near as common as indifference at these sorts of things. “Though, pencils is—er—a vast understatement.” He casts a furtive, desperate glance at Newt—a help me if Newt ever saw one. “My partner—Dr. Geiszler—simply doesn’t have enough funding for the samples he needs to study—and donations would certainly help with our funding for other necessary supplies—"

“I sure we’d love to help you and your friend,” the same guy says, and there’s no missing the emphasis this time, “but we’re a little busy at the moment. Please come back and talk to us later, though.”

Hermann clamps his mouth shut. Newt narrows his eyes, and in a move bold enough to surprise even himself, snags Hermann’s arm and links his own with it. “Sure thing,” he says loudly. Hermann goes rigid and stiff under him. “Come on, babe, let’s get something to eat. I know how you get when you’re hungry.” Then, before he can stop himself, he brushes a single kiss at Hermann’s cheek, and tries not to laugh at the looks they get.

He waits until they’re out of eyesight (Newt having had to sort of drag Hermann along with him) to drop Hermann’s arm. Hermann hasn’t moved a muscle since Newt touched him, and even now, he just sort of blinks at Newt. “What on Earth—?”

“Dude,” Newt says. “That guy was a total jerk. He thought we were together, and—”

“He did not,” Hermann says. “He kept calling you my ‘friend’. It was a bloody nice break from what usually happens, I might add, and now you’ve gone and—”

“Hermann,” Newt says. He sighs. “You’re, like, totally missing my point. He thought we were together.”

“But he called you—”

“Yeah, exactly,” Newt says.

Hermann blinks a few more times. “Ah,” he says.

“No way in hell do we need his money,” Newt says. “Anyway, sorry about the—” He touches Hermann’s cheek, and then gestures to Hermann’s left arm, which is now just sort of hanging limply at Hermann’s side. “I just wanted to screw with him. I won’t do it again, though—”

“No!” Hermann says quickly. The tips of his ears go red, and he fumbles as he grabs Newt’s arm again. A sudden warmth situates itself like pressure over Newt’s chest, identical to the kind that’s creeping up his wrist where Hermann’s fingers just grazed his bare skin, and he’s struck with the sudden bizarre urge to duck his head and blush himself. Since when has Hermann had this kind of effect on him? “What I meant to say is—” Hermann licks his wide lips. “He might still see us. We ought to—to keep up the ruse.”

“To really screw with him?” Newt says.

“For what other reason?” Hermann says.

Newt forces himself to keep a smooth, neutral expression as Hermann unwinds his arm to lace their fingers together instead, with a lot more awkward fumbling. “Uh-huh,” he says. He remembers how soft and smooth Hermann’s cheek had felt, so unlike his own, which can never seem to hold a clean shave. How nice Hermann's hand feels in his now. He’s definitely going to have to unpack this later. “Yeah, that’s—good idea, Hermann. Let’s do that.”

[imaginariaextraordinaire]

Considering how #MeToo in South Korea has been a conversation about the way institutions and systems have failed survivors of sexual assault, bold move of The Devil Judge to make the case in the live court show to be one of sexual harassment.

Writer Moon Yeo-Seok packs a LOT into the storytelling in this episode. First of all, Yo-Han doesn't want this case to be on the live show, but he's effectively forced to take it on. It becomes clear that the judicial system has no interest in upholding women's rights, but is more than willing to use the topic to engage in power play. Yo-Han is being made to preside over this case of sexual harassment because his enemies hope to put him in a weak and defensive spot.

The case is this: A leading male actor is accused of sexual harassment by other actors and technicians. He's a serial offender. We're shown how he uses his position as a senior to threaten, intimidate and harass women who are lower than him in the professional hierarchy.

I thought it was quite interesting that the show chose to make the harasser an actor. It feels like a pointed statement about the industry's internal sexism. However, it's also worth noting that the reason the public prosecutor picks this case is not because he thinks he can win the case because there is evidence backing the allegations. The reason he's confident of winning is because he has other dirt on the actor.

When the actor is being questioned by the prosecutor, the prosecutor says he has evidence of the actor's deviant sexual preferences. We're not told what exactly these preferences are, but the threat of this information coming out is enough to convince the actor to admit to the sexual harassment charge. Sexual harassment is the lesser evil — because society has accepted and normalised it.

So the prosecution's case (as well the actor's admission) are both mired in deceit and falsehood. Which tells us that even if the allegations are true, it isn't enough to report sexual harassment and getting justice for victims/ survivors has little to do with the truth of an allegation.

What The Devil Judge shows us is that cases of sexual harassment are weapons and in this case, the target isn't the actor, but Yo-Han. In an effort to make Yo-Han deliver an inhumane sentence, the prosecutor says that since the actor has admitted to sexual harassment, he should be castrated. The argument is that castration will ensure there are no more victims, but the actual intention is to force Yo-Han's hand. In a previous episode, Yo-Han had brought flogging as punishment out of the medieval ages into the present; the prosecution suggests he's taking a leaf out of the same book with castration.

In an effort to argue against castration, the actor's lawyer says that the punishment is too severe especially since South Korea is a country with a low crime rate. The other judge — a woman — points out that the reality of those who live in secure bubbles of privilege is not the same as the lived reality of the poor. She reminds him (and the audience) that statistics and official narratives don't necessarily reflect the lived reality and institutions like the judiciary are supposed to look out for the underprivileged and marginalised.

Which is a point well worth making, but it's ironic that all these excellent explorations into the normalising of violence, the role of institutions and the concept of justice itself send the issue of sexual harassment to the sidelines.

Even when we return to the subject of the case, the focus is on the actor and the question is what would be justice for him. What he's done and his victims recede into the background. There's no discussion of restorative justice or reparations. Instead, all that anyone seems to care about is the dick, both literally and figuratively.

Ultimately, Yo-Han arrives at a solution that is punitive enough to satisfy the unforgiving public without seeming barbaric. He outsources to America. Yo-Han's solution is to ship the abusive actor off to a prison in Texas. Yes, the Lone Star State of the United States of America.

We're also told that the person who found this Texan prison and negotiated the prisoner-exchange deal is not Yo-Han but his niece, the wheelchair-bound teenager who is studying computer engineering in Stanford (she's a distance-education student). The whole complicated process shows how institutions fail women in South Korea. For anything close to justice, the guilty abuser has to be shipped to another country — in South Korea, he'd get away with bribing people and securing parole — and it's quite obvious that this is an exceptional situation for which credit is due to not to government institutions, but one individual woman's intelligence, resourcefulness and privilege.

The segment where Yo-Han delivers his verdict would have been hilarious and a really clever bit of satire if it didn't include a video in which American prisoners say they're waiting for their Korean inmate. The implication is that the Americans are going to sodomise the crap out of him, which is not just demonising homosexuality, but it also shows that to The Devil Judge, justice means continuing the cycle of abuse by reducing the abuser to a victim. Needless to say, the guy who makes our Korean abuser shudder in horror is a leering Black man, neatly combining racism and homophobia in a single shot. It's disgusting, unnecessary and completely lacking even a hint of nuance.

Episode 5 ends with Yo-Han handcuffed to a chair and Soon-Ah forcibly kissing him. It comes quick on the heels of the trial, which suggests the show is trying to make the point that women can sexually harass men too — a tired, hackneyed and idiotic argument because it ignores the tiny detail that our existing socio-cultural structures empower men and disempower women. But let's set aside sociology and cultural studies and just stick to what's happening in the plot of The Devil Judge.

In an earlier episode, when the housekeeper was telling Ga-On about Yo-Han, she'd mentioned there was a maid who fell in love with Yo-Han and that Yo-Han had made her jump off the second floor. It seems Soon-Ah might be that maid (or maybe she's related to that maid?) and that she's nursed an obsessive crush on Yo-Han.

Ergo, present-day Yo-Han being kidnapped and handcuffed to a chair. All for Soon-Ah's pleasure, thank you very much. To really bring that point home, Soon-Ah calls Yo-Han "young master" and then plants a very un-chaste kiss on his person.

Is this kiss supposed to be hot? I've no idea. What is definitely unambiguous is that the kiss is not consensual. Yo-Han is clearly not feeling it and the lack of response isn't bothering Soon-Ah in the slightest.

In earlier episodes, Soon-Ah has been the protector — like when she punishes the foundation's director for groping the server — so it's particularly disappointing that the writer chose to make Soon-Ah an abuser in order to establish her villain identity. I really liked the idea that Soon-Ah is the actual power behind the all-powerful Social Responsibility Foundation. The reveal was reminiscent of the reveal in Vincenzo, except in The Devil Judge, this charade felt far more credible and convincing. For Soon-Ah, a young woman in a patriarchal, male-dominated and conservative society, an old man as a figurehead would mean doors opening easier and other men taking her company seriously. The facade of the old man as the director and Soon-Ah being ignored by most people showed that seedy, sleazy men trust other seedy, sleazy men.

I was quite looking forward to this scheming, ambitious woman going up against Yo-Han, but the end of episode 5 has reduced Soon-Ah to a misogynist stereotype. I'm hoping that the next episode will add some nuance/ dimension to Soon-Ah, but as of episode 5, she's the incel's wet dream. And that is disappointing af.

[nellie-elizabeth]

First Line Meme Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

tagged by @lizardkingeliot. Thanks!!! <3

This is going to be fun!

1. The Production of Penny. SPOILERS for A Comet Pulled From Orbit.

For the first several weeks, it’s just impossible to meet her. Penny will feel bad about it later, but he can’t take in any new stimuli when his entire body, mind, soul is shivering in the exposed light, trying to adjust to a reality he’d given up on returning to. He holes himself up with his family in one of his favorite places, a small house in Alaska, of all places, that he’d only just acquired and made comfortable when he’d—when he’d gotten himself trapped somewhere else.

2. The Way a Fool Would Do

You never really know what you’re getting into, when you choose to take a soulmate. Before Quentin had bound himself to Eliot, he’d been forced to endure the normal barrage of questions from the Fillorian Soul Council, and then a separate barrage of questions from his cousin Julia, who had nitpicked his choice down to the marrow, pouring concern after concern into Quentin’s already terrified brain.

He’d been so frustrated with her at the time, but in retrospect he can’t blame her for her caution. The fact is, no matter how much you prepare, no matter how much you think you’ve thought it all through, binding another soul to your own is unlike anything else in the world. It is impossible to know how it will feel until it’s already too late to turn back.

3. The Genesis of Julia

She decides, while watching the 1984 Summer Olympics one lazy day, a magically cool glass of lemonade on the table beside her as she lounges back into their comfiest armchair, to master gymnastics. The decision is made more or less on a whim; this is how Julia decides how to spend a great deal of her infinite life minutes, truthfully. She’s organized and meticulous once she knows her goal, but when it comes to finding said goal, it’s all about what strikes her fancy.

4. The Construction of Kady

The dust took a couple of weeks to settle, after Kady’s abrupt departure from her old life and chaotic intrusion into her new one. She’d been in the middle of war with her own people when she’d died for the first time, and the others had found her desperately attempting to steal magic from a rival hedge group in order to survive, too anxious about her own life to properly mourn for her mother’s death, and certainly too caught up in her own frantic mind to trust any of these new people, much less believe them about their immortality, or her own.

5. The Origins of Alice

There was no way to prepare for something like this. There was simply nothing she could do, nothing she could write down, no refinements she could make, that would help her to be more ready for what the morning would bring.

Alice hated that very much, of course.

6. The Creation of Quentin

The object in question was beautifully rendered, detailed and precise. A burnished color, the cool weight of it reassuringly solid in Q’s hands as he examined it, turning it over and over in his hands. This one wasn’t even particularly old; it looked to be a sixteenth century model, and Q had seen older and more beautiful in his time.

7. The Making of Margo

When Margo first met Alice, she understood her immediately. That wasn’t to say that Alice was boring, or predictable, or that there was nothing Margo had to learn about her. It wasn’t that at all. It was more that in meeting Alice, Margo was able to take one look at her and think to herself: ah, now this I know what to do with.

8. The Explanation of Eliot

El was afraid of heights, but only a little.

He could fly, after all, and that should have made fear illogical. But if anything, his ability to subvert gravity was the very reason for his nerves: he’d never been able to trust himself with anything, much less his own life or the life of others. The few times his telekinetic powers had been called in as a means of escape or rescue, when he’d held an innocent stranger or beloved family member in his arms and floated with them down from the side of a mountain or building or cliff face… well, those were the things he had nightmares about, on the rare occasions when he could remember his dreams. It was that sensation of freefall, of knowing it was magic, something inexplicable, deep in his consciousness, in his soul, even, that was the only thing preventing sharp, painful, deadly impact. He knew himself well enough to know he should never be trusted with something so precious as the life of another.

9. A Comet Pulled From Orbit

Alice Quinn woke up.

This was an unexpected development, considering the events of mere moments ago. Specifically the agonizing thirty seconds she’d spent bleeding out on the carpet, wondering in an abstract sort of way how long it would be before someone thought to look for her and found her mangled corpse tucked into the corner of a Brakebills Library study room, surrounded by the shredded remains of several large magical tomes, and her carefully collated notes.

---

Pausing here for a moment after the first 9 - eight of them are all part of one series. The main story, A Comet Pulled From Orbit, is an Alice POV AU of The Old Guard. Prominent Queliot subplot, some burgeoning Kalice and other ships as well. Lots of found family, etc. The other stories, all the ones with the seven main characters' names in them, are meant to be a series of small snippets to fill out that universe, backwards and forwards. I'm noticing that I do a lot of setup, I don't often start in medias res with any of these, trying to set a tone and get the information started right away. Each of the chapters of the snippet stories could be their own thing, so it's a little weird to consider it the start of a bigger story!!

Okay, moving on to earlier stories.

10. is it too late (or could this love protect me)

This is a story about nothing and everything. It is a story between then and now. It is a story of people living their lives, living them, and living them, and continuing to live them, with only some pedestrian heartbreak and alcoholism and good old millennial economic angst to add some variety to the humdrum of continued existence.

This is a story about stupidity, and love. Stupid love.

(A/N - hmm I kinda hate this beginning now even though I'm SUPER proud of the story as a whole)

11. Maybe This Time

"Quentin Coldwater?" Eliot says, twisting the name up in his mouth like an insult.

Give him a break - it's a weird fucking name, for one thing. And besides, the off-putting demeanor is an intentional scare tactic.

12. Beyond the Veil

"Do you think the Lorians would want a seat at the table?" Fen asked doubtfully, looking over the charter in front of her.

"Well, they're going to want to review the language, at any rate," one of the advisers put in. "Especially the order of the names."

"But it's in alphabetical order!" Margo said. "Fillory comes before Loria - sorry, not sorry."

13. Running All This Time

Quentin was sweet. There were a lot of words that Eliot could think of to describe him, several of them a lot more besotted than he was comfortable with, but sweet was an apt descriptor, generally speaking.

He had the softest little smile, and wide brown eyes that crinkled up in the corners when he was happy. He had strong yet gentle hands, hands that were somehow mesmerizing as he flapped them around wildly during conversation, trying to paint pictures in the air to accompany his latest rant about whatever-the-fuck. His voice was calming, his circular logic compelling, enough so that Eliot found himself listening - really listening - whenever Quentin was talking to him, even if it was about the Plover books and what they suggested about this time period in Fillorian history, or the politics of trade when it came to buying labor from talking animals, or how he may have come up with a better tracking system to mark down the mosaic patterns they'd already tried. Dry, uninteresting stuff, really. Which is what Eliot told Quentin, with an eye-roll, to stop him from getting a big head.

14. To Feel the Same

Quentin finds Eliot sitting alone in the armory, surrounded by books.

Something tense and frantic inside of him unclenches, like it always does around this man. It’s actually a remarkable thing, because by all rights Eliot should make him more nervous, not less. Quentin is a nervous person, after all, and Eliot is so… Eliot . A High King in his blood. Quentin had meant that, when he said it, and had drank in the gratitude in Eliot’s eyes like a glass of pure, crisp water, essential and quenching.

15. Identity Theft

The first thing the man noticed as he came to consciousness was that his head was pounding. It felt like the worst hangover he'd ever had, times about a million, and for several seconds all he could do was lay there and gasp and wait for his eyes to adjust. He appeared to be in a semi-dark room of some sort. It was large, with a cavernous ceiling above him, and the air was drafty. Like a garage maybe, bigger even - a warehouse?

The second thing he noticed was that he wasn't alone in the room. There were shapes all around him, rustling and making confused, pained sounds. After a few moments of this, there was a whoosh of energy and an orb of light floated above his head, illuminating the space in a soft glow. Someone in the room had cast a simple light spell. He looked around and sat up slowly, trying not to jostle his still pounding head. His next observation was that pretty much everyone in the room with him was kind of stupidly attractive.

16. Promises

Quentin gets about thirty seconds alone in his bedroom in the cottage, before Eliot is bursting through the door without knocking. It's not that he wasn't expecting him to take it hard, but seriously - can he not give Quentin just a couple of minutes of peace?

"This isn't happening," Eliot says without preamble, slamming the door shut behind him. "I'm sorry, Q, but it's not."

"I honestly don't think it's your decision to make," Quentin says, running a tired hand over his face.

17. The Curse of the Broken Vase (aka The One Where They Get Married and Nothing Goes Wrong)

Quentin was pacing.

He was pacing, and he was tugging his hands through his hair, which he really shouldn't be doing because it had actually taken a hairdresser an annoying amount of time to brush it out and tie it back, and apparently it was perfect now, even though Quentin couldn't really see how it was different from his normal lazy bun, but whatever.

There would be people, Eliot included, who would be annoyed with him for messing up his hair.

18. Liquid Courage

Eliot was fidgeting. Which was unusual, and generally not a good sign. But it still wasn't much of a warning, Quentin had thought to himself later, given what was about to happen. Then again, Eliot had been acting strangely all week, a little distant and distracted, and Quentin had known his partner was working up to discuss something with him.

Quentin had been worried, of course, but in an abstract sort of way. He figured whatever it was, the two of them were more than equal to the challenge. Given everything they'd been through over the entire course of their relationship, he really couldn't imagine any piece of news that would be capable of obliterating their lives.

19. Reciprocal

The thing about Quentin Coldwater was that it was pretty much impossible not to love him. Honestly, it wasn't even Eliot's fault - how was he expected to spend every second of every day around such a beautiful, adorable, kind person without letting it get to him? And the sex. Well. That was fucking incendiary, which really wasn't helping his resolve in the love department.

20. Fragments

It was a perfectly normal morning in Fillory. Which, honestly, should have been Quentin's first warning that things were about to go very, very wrong. Fillory was many things, but normal was not one of them: Q had gotten used to being woken up by harried castle employees, alerting him to one catastrophe or another. The Serpent War had ended months ago, but the paperwork was still pouring in like it had never stopped. His official role in the government wasn't supposed to have anything to do with the war efforts, but it had been an all-hands-on-deck situation for the last year or so.

---

Oh my goodness, this took me back to almost my first story in this fandom! I have 22 Magicians fics posted, so that's almost all of them...

I think my favorite of all of these is Maybe This Time, just because I like starting off with such an iconic moment from canon. It's the kind of fic that I hope resonates with people differently upon a re-read, and I like the strong, instantly recognizable hook. You read that first line and you know where you are, but you have no real idea where the story is about to take you.

I've also had a lot of fun writing Julia in the Comet 'verse and I like her opening line to the first snippet I did for her!

---

I'll tag @hmgfanfic, @ameliajessica, @hoko-onchi-writes, @freneticfloetry, @honeybabydichotomy, @allegria23, @spiders-hth-is-an-outlier, @rubickk7, @portraitofemmy, @propinquitous, and all others who want to!!

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Could you do a little fic where the reader super nervously asks Yennefer to help her look beautiful to impress Jaskier? Like maybe they're going to a fancy ball or something and she knows she needs to stand out among all the gorgeous women, and shes super intimidated by Yen but loves her dresses and makeup and wants some help?

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Platonic!Yennefer x Reader, Jaskier x Reader, Geralt x ExasperationWord Count: 1,822Rating: GTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak a/n: Genuinely, truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Love me some Yennefer x Reader bonding.

You’d been standing outside of Yennefer’s door for about 10 minutes trying to summon the courage to knock. You knew, logically, that the worst thing she’d likely do is say no. Even if she laughed at you that would be survivable. But she also might say yes, a thought that equally frightened you but also gave you a glimmer of hope. You were out of your depth in preparing for the ball tonight and while Jaskier had offered his services you wanted to make sure he didn’t see you until you were ready. You just needed to get past this damn door first and then, if she said no, you’d throw yourself on the mercy of the shopkeepers and maybe that was the better plan anyway because Yennefer was likely quite busy and-

“Are you going to come in or not?”

The door had swung open mid-thought and Yennefer stood before you. Her hair was perfectly coiffed and her makeup was already applied, a jewel-toned emerald shade gracing her lids and her lips a deep berry red. She wore a robe, not yet dressed, and she gave you an amused expression as you stood there gaping.

“Oh! Yennefer! Hello! Fancy meeting you in your room! I had a question,” you began. Yennefer patiently waited for you to continue speaking and when you felt certain she wasn’t going to close the door in your face, you continued.

“I’m going to that ball tonight and I don’t now much about… any of it,” you said.

“Any of it,” she echoed.

“Yes well I mean I know how to dance, sort of, and I’ve read about them but getting ready for one is totally foreign to me. Literally. They don’t really have balls where I’m from. Small village and all,” you were babbling but Yennefer considered your dilemma thoughtfully before standing to the side, leaving room for you to enter.

Though you all had similar rooms in the manor you were staying at, courtesy of the host of tonight’s ball, Yennefer’s struck you as much more refined. There were a couple of dress options, it seemed she was leaning towards either a black or gold gown, and you saw the vanity where the makeup she’d used was still sitting.

“Do you have a dress?” she asked, circling you.

“Um yes and no?” you said and when she gave you an inquisitive look you gestured to the simple grey frock you were wearing.

“Alright let’s start there,” she said, pulling open the wardrobe where you saw flashes of colors, dresses of varying hues and fabrics.

“Yennefer, that’s very generous and kind but what are the chances of a dress you own fitting me exactly the same I mean you’re much taller for one thing and-”

“Magic,” she said offhandedly as though it were obvious.

“Wait really?”

“Yes, did you choose grey or was that just what was available?” she asked, quickly moving past the many questions you had about the kind of magic that could make any article of clothing fit anyone.

“It was available,” you replied.

“What is your favorite color?” she asked, hands skimming through the dresses as you thought.

“I love purple but it doesn’t look good on m-”

“Try this on,” Yennefer says before you can finish speaking, tossing a dress into your arms. The silky fabric is cool to the touch and you have to grip it so it doesn’t slide right through your arms. You hold it up in front of you and then turn it around a couple of times. When you start to turn it upside down Yennefer stops you.

“I’ll help you put it on,” she suggests and you give her a grateful smile. Once you’re down to your shift Yennefer waits, still holding the dress.

“I’m ready,” you say.

“No, that has to go too,” she says, “There’s a slit.”

You didn’t know three words could inspire that much panic in a person but you were learning a lot of things today. You dutifully took off the slip, down to a simple corset and small clothes, and Yennefer unlaced the side of the dress and had you step into it. She murmured a few words you couldn’t understand and then slid the dress up your frame, the fabric contouring onto your body as though it had been tailored to you specifically. Once she finished lacing up the sides she turned you towards the full length mirror and you gasped.

“Oh no,” you say, “Oh no this is… Oh.”

The dress is held onto your body through the amethyst toned strap on the right arm which winds down, tucking into the bodice of the dress which is made up of mesh and detailed flowers in complementary violet hues. The skirt is long and loosely flowing with a little train and a slit that runs from halfway up your left thigh to the ground. Your leg peeks out boldly and you don’t quite know what to do.

“Do you like it?” Yennefer asks.

“It’s gorgeous but… it’s maybe too gorgeous?”

“Let me ask you a question. Why did you ask for my help tonight?” she asks.

“As I said I wanted help,” you repeat.

“Yes but why?”

“Because it’s my first ball and I want to look put together.”

“That’s not the real reason, is it, Y/N?” Yennefer asks, violet eyes peering into your face as though they already knew the truth but needed you to say it. You take a deep breath.

“I want Jaskier to notice me,” you say, “Really notice me. There are going to be many beautiful women there, women that look more like you than me, and I just don’t want to get lost in the crowd.”

“Alright,” Yennefer says, still eyeing you appraisingly, “Now tell me, how do you feel when you look at yourself in this dress?”

She redirects your eyes back to the mirror, hands on your shoulders and you aren’t sure if it’s to keep you pointed at it or just for moral support.

“I feel… powerful,” you answer. Yennefer smiles and meets your eyes in the mirror.

“This is the one,” she says with certainty and you can feel it too, nodding and nervously biting your lip. “Ok, there’s much more to be done.”

She pulls you over to the vanity and begins to brush through your hair with surprising tenderness. She doesn’t ask you what you want done with it, both of you trusting that she knows what to do from this point on. Instead you talk about the balls she’s been to in the past and she answers the questions you’d felt too stupid to ask like which fork to use and if there was an order to who was able to dance first and how often she’d have to curtsey. She braids your hair into a loose French braid, tucking it together with little ornaments that complement the dress you wear. She threatens to spell your face frozen while she puts on your makeup but you manage to get your twitching under control long enough for her to brush your lids with a soft purple shade and identical wings of black eyeliner. She chooses a subtle shade not much different from your skin tone for your lips but even the subtle change helps emphasize their fullness.

“Thank you for not laughing when I told you about Jaskier,” you said as she held up two pairs of earrings, trying to choose which goes best with your ensemble. “I know I must sound like any number of his adoring fans.”

“You sound like a woman in love. I don’t judge. For all of our blustering I’m not unaware of the bard’s charms,” you look at her in surprise and with a tiny bit of possessive suspicion.

“Luckily my taste in partners is much less refined these days,” she adds with a little smile and you smile in return. Once you’re done she quickly slips into her own dress, choosing the gold one which you help lace her into though you know she could do it on her own. You look each other over appraisingly and while you can’t help feel a bit overshadowed with Yennefer standing beside you, you feel much more prepared for what’s to come than you did before.

“Is Jaskier going to walk you down?” Yennefer asks as you leave the room.

“No I wanted to surprise him,” you answer. Your heart is skipping a few beats as you stand out in the hall where people are starting to enter, on their way to the ball as well. You see a few admiring eyes looking you over and it simultaneously makes you feel bolder and scares you. As though she can sense your distress Yennefer links an arm through yours and stands up a bit straighter causing you to unconsciously mimic the movement.

“Shall we?” she asks. You nod and the two of you join the growing throng walking to the ballroom.

“Have you seen her yet?” Jaskier asks Geralt, the fifth time in as many minutes.

“Still no Jaskier,” he replies.

“I knew I should have gone to walk her down myself. What if she gets lost? What if someone is trying to make advances on her? What if she changed her mind and doesn’t come down at all?”

“What if she’s standing right over there,” Geralt says, pointing towards the entrance of the ballroom where Jaskier sees Yennefer and a woman walk in together.

“I was talking about… Y/N?” Jaskier turns back, eyes still catching up with what he’s seen. He isn’t sure at first if it’s you but then you catch his eye and smile and he’d know that smile anywhere. Then his eyes travel further down and he sees parts he is nowhere near as familiar with. Yet.

“Geralt, Jaskier,” you say when you finally reach them, fighting the urge to curtsey at Yennefer’s suggestion to avoid making any such gestures unless those around you do the same.

“Y/N,” Jaskier breathes but says nothing more, mind fruitlessly searching for the right words. Geralt gives you the briefest of nods and then his eyes are back on Yennefer’s.

“You look wonderful,” you say as the silence grows awkward, Jaskier’s big blue eyes still as wide as they can get.

“You… I… Y/N… There are no….”

You see Yennefer look between Jaskier and Geralt and she gives him a meaningful look.

“Why don’t you ask her to dance, Jaskier?” Geralt asks with a heavy sigh. Yennefer smiles approvingly and gives you a supportive wink.

“Y/N, would you do me the great honor of having this dance with me?” Jaskier asks. You giggle.

“Gods, Jaskier, it’s still just me,” you say, taking his hand and letting him lead you away, past a crowd of nobles, past the Countess de Stael whose presence he neither notices nor cares about in the slightest.

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 4.1 Planning

Libi: Okay, so my basic premise for who Libi is going to be at her core, WOO; I was thinking about how we said that she is Tess' second (lowkey third but I'll let you live gal) chance at 'getting it right' and raising a child well, which, OBVIOUSLY, she's never told or anything but there's an innate pressure in that that you'd know on some level, likewise her mum AND dad died so everyone would be quick with those comparisons always, this family and Liam's mum when that contact is made because her daughter died as well as; Then that made me think of the pressure Ro felt because you know, bad shit happened to Bea (Edie and Liam in this case) and then she got saved by McVickers and felt like she owed everyone to be great and do great things; so my vibe is that BUT COMING FROM A LESS SELFISH, WEIRD, PERFECTIONISM ANGLE soz not soz Ro, we know what you did; I see her being better behaved as she grows up, far more than her parents obviously but lowkey better behaved than any of the mcvickers or cali kids ever were because she thinks everyone deserves that, her not causing any more problems, but again UNLIKE Ro, she wouldn't be different to a degree of not fitting in because she'd make a massive effort to be there for everyone and every event, be likeable and get along with as much of the fam as possible, obviously some of that is natural charm but it's also putting in the time ahem Rosaline; like, she's a people pleaser, to a fault, and all she cares about is making everyone else, Tess, Fearghal, Ali, JJ etc etc, happy and making sure she's being what she thinks they want her to be/need her to be, and like that is what makes her happy because she is doing it out of love and respect not obligation but she doesn't know she's doing it, you know? Again, it's innate, how she is, but that's where the arc can come in, in realising that she goes with what makes everyone else happy, is who they need, but what does SHE want herself, and what does SHE need? A way I thought we could make this a Bobby/Libi storyline if we wanted (but we do not have to) is if she does have feelings for him, could be any point on his timeline gfs and kids wise whatever, but she lets him go and have whatever gf or do whatever thing because she's like that's what he wants he doesn't like me or want me like that etc, because she doesn't let herself want things selfishly or do anything just for herself Bobby: we should totally have them be together as little bubs because they are and it's like a running joke that they are gonna get together/get married like we've lowkey already said but more so but maybe the vibe is he is really shy how he is and lowkey it's like a my sister and me vibe where she does all the talking and socialising for him and like all their friends are joint friends Bobby: not in a creepy Ro and Ali way but Bobby: and we will let you outgrow that sir Libi: it makes sense because obviously we're learning sign language so simply Bobby can't communicate with most kids by himself, that's facts, and it's easier to have another kid help you than Jimmy always being there, or whoever he has helping him at school, you know Bobby: oh snap maybe I flip reverse what I said and Cammie's mum is the deaf one too and the vibe could be that like Libi pushes him to get some deaf friends as they become like tweens/teens so he can communicate himself so he does and does become more outgrowing that way but maybe he lowkey leans too hard into deaf culture for a while there and she feels like pushed out by it because it's something she can't be a part of Libi: ooh yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bobby: it adds something to Cammie's character as well being hearing but having two deaf parents so that's interesting Bobby: and also makes sense why JJ have to help them so much as well as them just being young Libi: right, there's a lot of shit Cammie would have to do from a young age if not for JJ lowkey 'cos it's just easier for a hearing kid than it is a deaf adult in this world Libi: her mum could maybe be more partial for ease but yes Bobby: and like it makes sense that Libi would push her feelings aside when those two grow closer/happen because she'd be like well they're both deaf that's something I can't give him and something I want him to have Libi: exactly, it'd feel really selfish to wreck that even if you didn't have all the ingrained shit she does around it Bobby: and obviously he actually wants to be with her as well but thinks she doesn't want that and before you now it there's baby Cammie so it's like well now I gotta try and make this work because don't wanna be a shit father like I had Libi: oh the drama of it all Libi: love it Libi: and we've not really got (that I can think of) a never mind I'll find someone like you type deal Libi: because usually it's like JUST SAY IT but it actually makes sense here to pine and long but let him go Libi: hence I'm here for it Libi: So, what I'm thinking right now is, that they're like never officially together, like it just keeps being an in-joke kinda vibe and like we're JUST best friends and then kind of like family, but obviously as they get into tween/teen years it's beyond a stage you can pretend you're just a kid playing at being girlfriend and boyfriend and as you said boo, that will coincide with JJ wedding and kids roughly so then it'd be more obvious like it's not going to happen seriously, then she can encourage him to get deaf friends etc, but I feel like he should only meet Cammie's mum just before or at uni (or whatever equivalent he's doing after school) so then it is quick and not like they were even mates before so it's less of a shock for all, you know? Bobby: I totally agree because I strongly pictured him being best man at the JJ wedding (soz Pete) and her being one of the bridesmaids and all the bants that go along with that and them both being SO 😳 Bobby: and yeah he could live the cliché that Jac was mocking and literally get with this girl freshers week I'd believe it Libi: Right? it then mirrors the Jameson/Cammie thing except they literally are just BFFs and there isn't anything going on Libi: there's actually weight to this but we're just like haha no don't be silly Bobby: and we've literally not done that trope with childhood boy girl best friends before really because baze are probably the closest but they were always so clearly in love and refusing to fight it so it's fun Libi: exactly, because unknowingly or otherwise, we're fighting against all the cliches and tropes that come with this family Libi: like I'm going to not do any of those things that caused drama for everyone and this is clearly too close to home, even though I don't think anyone would actually be that bothered, we've just really internalized and gone with it Bobby: like how nobody cares Jac is gay except Jac herself Libi: right Libi: but obviously she's good at keeping this all internal because no one can or is gonna clock it and be like, babe, it's okay Libi: like JJ might be a bit like oop, keeping it in the family but as long as you're both happy they really don't care, and same for mcvickers even if Tess is suspish of everyone that comes into any gal's life 'cos trauma lol Bobby: Bobby wasn't trying to make deaf culture happen for himself but Libi would have been so excited for him to get out there and do it that he would've been excited too and then it is literally like a new world opening up because who has he ever interacted with that's deaf before Bobby: didn't mean to lowkey leave you behind gal but Libi: it's kinda her own fault, not to blame you but clearly literally what we do like okay he's happy now mission accomplished Bobby: and maybe Cammie's mum is like the deaf equivalent of those gays who make it their whole identity so she's really selling it and so he also thinks okay this is who I should be with Libi: we know the vibe, like it's more excusable but still, I get you Libi: I see it Libi: a bit of a baby gay equivalent like go too hard and you're like I need to calm this down Libi: UNRELATED BUT Libi: think it will please you Libi: Jay is born 32 like Bobby, I'm pretty sure, and I thought Libi and her would also make for interesting content because Jay obviously feels she owes a lot to the fam for not being stuck with Chloe etc etc and the very little we did with her gave off a similar energy to me Libi: and she has her commitment issues in relationships because of her mum situation so they can bond over the shit that holds 'em back even though it's different stuff Bobby: and her relationship with Ava being her mum but also not being is something I feel like Libi can relate to because of how she was raised and the Rio and Buster-ness of it all because they wanted to raise her and obvs they wanted to raise Jay for a while there too Bobby: plus all the travelling she does is something that Libi could potentially join her in doing if she needs an escape so that's nice Libi: 100% it makes for a strong friendship there's a lot of parallels if not total similarities Libi: it makes a lot of sense, it's coming together baby Bobby: if you need to get away from seeing Bobby literally playing happy families, I can offer you that gal because I'm gonna have her go to uni/live in new york probably now that Nancy isn't because her face actually did live there idk if they still do or what but Bobby: we know the vibe is that she goes everywhere and can't settle so you'll have lots of chances to run away in a way that won't upset anyone Bobby: and when she gets her man and it works out we could totally coincide that because she can be like if I can do it so can you Libi: a mood a moment Bobby: all I know is Bobby is gonna be more chatty because neither Jimothy or Jesse are so I must but not to Jude levels of !!! Libi: a nice middleground Libi: which is kind of what I see for her honestly Libi: less in your face than 1. we were as a little bub 2. a lot of the fam but still sociable enough that it jives well with most of 'em Bobby: I'm so happy about all of this and honestly Cammie's mum being deaf makes so much sense in terms of what we were already thinking about her being more distant and working a lot Libi: if she doesn't give up the fight, she could be some kind of advocate vibe Libi: 'cos then Cammie can't even call her out really Libi: like soz this is important, maam your child Bobby: exactly what I was thinking we're in sync rn boo Libi: because it all makes sense, you gotta follow one thread and then the story shows itself tbh Libi: because tying in Astrid too, obviously that makes sense because she loses her mum too, and she'd ultimately be a really good influence because after Ro dies Astrid is kind of freed to do whatever she wants for herself Libi: and how much happier it makes her, how much she improves...well Libi: sips tea Bobby: I LOVE THIS Libi: and who else is taking the autistic girl that seriously and letting her teach you things Libi: love that for you Libi: she's living her best life and we can see that Bobby: she can be in their friend group, I'm happy Libi: ALSO, I feel as if she couldn't lie to Astrid Libi: because she says how she sees it bluntly and we're not going to feel comfortable fobbing her off because of that insistence, so that'll be good for you even when we're hiding it from everyone else Libi: everyone else you've just got to be vaguely like oh no no and it's dropped and like okay Bobby: we're gonna get to show so many different sides of Libi, I'm always here for that Bobby: and however far we go down the Astrid and her gf eating disorder rabbit hole, we''ll have Libi not treating her like a kid which is great Libi: yeah, there's loads we can do with the end of gen 4 for them all it's a mood Bobby: okay so what or who would you like to throw Libi at first Libi: that is the question Bobby: just so we know Bobby is going to Trinity and studying Business, Economics and Social Studies (B.E.S.S.) which is business, economics, political science and sociology basically so he can end up working at that advertising place with Jimothy after he has done this 4 years Bobby: Cammie's mum is there doing deaf studies which is also 4 years Libi: do we wanna do a rough timeline for these people mentioned here Libi: Jay born 32, we find out about her when she's 7 in 39 Libi: Bobby is born 32 and comes into the story 38 Libi: Libi is born 34, Edam die 35, we know this situation, is 4 soon to be 5 when she meets Bobby vias JJ Libi: Astrid is born 35 and Ro dies in 44 when Astrid is 9 Libi: JJ can get married 46, so Libi is 12 and Bobby is 14 Libi: doesn't have to be when we intro the deaf friends to the point of exclusion obvs but it's timed so we never have the 'real' relationship chat of it all obvs Libi: so Bobby would go to uni in 50-51 and Camie is born 51 start of 2nd year Libi: that gives us this good 4 year period before uni to play with, then obviously we know the vibe of when she's born and making that work etc Libi: Hmm, I think it would make the most sense to do a gap year then stay local, like that's the ideal Libi: because I really think she'd struggle being away from the fam Libi: but I'm kinda thinking maybe to be cruel she DOES go away because it seems like something the fam are like yay about Libi: 'cos she'd try really, really hard to stay but they should at least notice that and she can transfer for a reprieve Bobby: that's really nice actually Libi: she should do her first year in Liverpool, the rest at Trinity Libi: okay, so film studies, it was only 3 years in Liverpool but we're changing to trinity and you do years 1 and 2 (aka whilst Bobby is still there at least for year 1 but I need to check anyway) there and years 3 and 4 at Columbia uni in new york, aka where Jay is Libi: **remind me to check the times but we need to give him a solid bday and I'm changing hers up too Libi: this is just roughly Libi: but this way we can be cruel with it lol

[teenagebeautyqueen]

[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

[lousimusician]

Strung Along

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader Summary: You were in love with Harry Osborn but you couldn't help feeling like he was stringing you along. You finally reached your breaking point, Peter helps you through your heartbreak and you soon realize that maybe Harry wasn't the one. A/N: This was inspired by B team by Marianas Trench. There are some lyrics I used as dialogue. (It's a great song. If you don't know it I recommend you listen to it)

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You were convinced that you had fallen in love with Harry Osborn. Everytime you saw him your heart skipped a beat, your were practically glued to his side. You weren't dating but the possibility was there. He just wasn't ready yet, but you were willing to wait. You had met him after he had transferred to Midtown last year. He could've easily become popular with his good looks and his money, but he wasn't into popularity and instead decided to run with the losers of the school. You, Peter, Ned, and MJ. All of you had easily become friends with him but you could tell he considered Peter his best friend. Which was fine because you weren't aiming to be just friends. From the moment you laid eyes on Harry you just knew that he was the one.But there was a major problem. He couldn't make up his mind whether he wanted to date you or not. Harry knew about your feelings completely. You told him how you felt a few months back and ever since then you felt you were stuck in the same place with him. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship but he also said things like when he is ready for a girlfriend he hoped it would be you. And now you were stuck between sticking around or trying to move on.

A sigh left your lips from your spot on Peter's floor. You two decided to work on homework together before Ned, MJ, and Harry were supposed to come over for movie night.Peter looked at you from his bed after hearing your sigh, "You okay, (N/N)."

"Yeah, I'm fine." You sighed again.

"You sure? It seems like something's on your mind."

You hated how well Peter knew you sometimes. "It's- it's just Harry."

"Oh Harry, of course..do you- do you want to talk about it?" Peter asked, moving to the other side of his bedroom to sit next to you. You shrugged. "Come on, you'll feel better if you do." He said, throwing an arm around you, rubbing your arm up and down. You and Peter had grown up togther with Ned, and as close as Harry considered himself to be with Peter, he still wasn't as close as you were to him.

"Fineee." You whined, leaning against Peter's shoulder. "I've been thinking a lot-"

"Oh no that's never good."

"Shut up." You laughed and smacked his chest, "But seriously, something happened a few weeks ago and I just don't know what to do now."

"Wait, you guys didn't- like k-kiss did you?" Peter stiffened.

You scoffed, "I wish, but no, nothing like that."

He relaxed, "Then, what happened?"

"Two weeks ago I saw him flirting with another girl." You said saddly. "But then later that night was our movie night. You, Ned, and MJ were asleep, Harry was half asleep laying his head on my lap but I was still awake. He started mumbling all of these things to me, like cute things about how I'm his 'ideal' girl and how 'sweet and pretty' I am- and I dunno, I'm just so confused." 

Peter bit his lip as he listened to you ramble, "He's been doing this for a while now (N/N)." Peter pointed out.

"God, I know." You groaned. "But I've never felt this way for anyone else. He says he wants someone just like me but he doesn't want to date right now, and it's just so frustrating. Do you know what it's like to want someone this bad?"

"...Yeah, I think I know the feeling.." He mumbled more to himself as his thumb stroked your arm.

"Oh right, Liz, I forgot."

Peter cleared his throat, "Yeah, r-right...Liz..." He cleared his throat again. "Y'know he's got you wrapped around his finger, right?"

You sighed, "Yeah, I know. Does he ever talk about me?" You asked hopefully.

"Sometimes."

You lit up, "What does he say?"

Peter shrugged, "I dunno, I guess it's kind of the same stuff he's told you."

"Does he ever say anything about asking me out?"

"N-no, not really."

"Ugh, sounds about ri-" You were cut off by a knock at Peter's front door. "Well, I guess someone's here already."

You both stood up and left Peter's bedroom to answer the front door. As soon as the door was opened all three of your best friends burst through the entrance. Harry threw an arm around you, much like Peter did minutes before. He placed a kiss on top of your head. "Hey cutie, I didn't know you were already here."

"Yeah well surprise." You giggled looking up at him.

"Ew, get a room." MJ groaned.

"Very funny MJ." Harry said sarcastically, fist bumping Peter. "Hey Pete. Order pizza yet?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll do that now." Peter said pulling his phone out, scurrying off to the kitchen. The four of you made your way to Peter's living room. MJ immediately going through Peter's DVD's, while you and Harry sat down on the couch and Ned situatated himself in his favorite chair. MJ smirked upon finding one DVD.

"Oh no, I don't like that smile." Ned said. "What movie did you pick?" He asked warily.

"We're watching the Saw series boys and girl." She said putting the DVD in and plopping herself down in another chair Peter had. 

Ned groaned, "Noo, I hate horror."

"Too bad princess. It was my turn to pick this week." 

You and Harry snickered at their bickering. "Oh lighten up Ned, it'll be fine." You teased.

"Yeah, (Y/N) is acting tougher than you." MJ laughed.

Peter walked into the living room. "All right pizza should be here in 20 minutes. What are we watchi-" Peter stopped upon seeing 'Twisted Pictures' flash on the screen. "Oh come on MJ." Peter groaned. "Saw? Out of all the amazing movies I own you pick Saw?" 

"Yeah, now sit down and watch the movie."

"Ugh, these movies are awful." He grumbled, grabbing some blankets and sitting down next to you. "Plus they're really gross."

"Aw, is Peter scared of gore?" You teased.

"What? Of course not, I like when it's done right. Not when it's used the way it is in these movies." 

"Well suck it up, cause we're watching it and I happen to love these movies."

Peter gaped at you, "How have I never known this before?" He gasped. "I don't even know you anymore."

You snickered, the two of you quieting down when the movie started. The night went on and by the third movie everyone was hiding under blankets cringing at the graphic scenes as discarded plates of pizza and cups littered the ground and coffee table. You were buried into Harry's side under the same blanket. You glanced over at Peter finding that he was covering his eyes.

You leaned over to him and smacked his arm. "Don't cover your eyes, they're about to die."

"That's exactly why I'm covering my eyes!"

"Oh don't be a baby."

"..Is the scene over yet?"

You smirked devilishly as there was still plenty of gore on the screen. "Yeah it's over."

Peter peaked from under the blankets. "Liar!" He yelled burying his face in your side now.

MJ laughed at the two of you, "Sometimes I can't tell if (Y/N) has more chemistry with Harry or Peter."

Peter's face grew ten shades of red. "Oh quiet, MJ." You rolled your eyes before pulling away from Peter and settling back into Harry's side.

By 1 in the morning everyone besides you and Harry had fallen asleep. The night was almost identical to the one from two weeks ago.

"Hey (Y/N)?" Harry whispered trying not to wake the others as you leaned against him.

"Hm?" 

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." You whispered back sleepily. 

He chuckled, "Seriously though, ...do you like Peter?"

You sat up and looked at him wide eyed. "What makes you think that?" You asked incredulously.

"I dunno, you just seem to be really close."

"Trust me, there is nothing going on between me and Peter. I still like you."

Harry nodded, "Alright, it's just I don't really want to miss my chance with you just cause I'm not ready to date yet."

You laughed, "Don't worry, you have nothing to worry about. I'll wait." 

Harry nodded again. "Alright. We should probably get some sleep now." You cuddled up next to him again trying to fall asleep but the words 'I'll wait' plagued your mind, as you stared up at the ceiling. Just how long were you willing to wait for this boy. You sighed again, closing your eyes. You heard a vibration on the coffee table though, which made you open your eyes again to check if it was your phone. But you soon realized it was Harry's. You were going to try to fall asleep again until the name caught your eye.

'Jasmine'  You furrowed your brows recognizing the name from your health class. You checked to see if Harry was asleep before picking up his phone. You read the text and felt your heart drop. "Hey want to come over again. I can add more hickies to your collection." Your heart shattered. You looked at Harry and raised a shaky hand pulling down the collar of his shirt finding multiple hickies there. Tears sprung to your eyes, you got off the couch making sure not to wake him before going to Peter's room. You climbed out his window and onto the fire escape. You sat down, your legs hanging off as you let the tears flow freely. You felt so stupid. How could you not see it before. It was all just a game, he just liked the attention. Every word every compliment was empty. Why couldn't you see it before. You were so emotionally exhaausted from the games he had been playing this past year it was all coming out, as sobs wracked your whole body. You cared, you cared, about him. While he was just having fun playing with your feelings. You had never had your heart broken before but now that you did it was the worst feeling you've ever felt. You didn't know how long you sat on Peter's fire escape before you heard a few taps on the window behind you. You turned around, furiously wiping away the tears, to find Peter standing there with a sympathetic smile. 

"Got room for one more?" You sniffled and nodded. Peter climbed onto the fire escape and sat next to you, putting his arm around you. You buried your face into his neck and cried as Peter placed his lips on your head in a kiss. He held you tightly, "Shh, it's okay, (N/N)." He comforted you. "Tell me what happened."

You sniffled again. "H-harry is an asshole. H-he's been f-fooling around with o-other girls. H-he never cared about m-me."

Peter clenched his hand in a fist, pissed off at Harry. "He wasn't worth your time. You are so so much better than him, he never deserved you."

"It h-hurts so much t-though." You sobbed.

"Shh, I know it does. But you're not gonna get through this alone, I'll always be here for you. Okay?"

You nodded, calming down a little bit. "Thanks Peter. God why can't I just find someone like you, why did I fall for such a jerk."

"I don't know..." Peter said, wondering the same thing.

"..H-how did you get over Liz?"

Peter shrugged. "I guess I just wasn't as into her as I thought I was. After she left I... I started paying attention to someone that was already in my life and I realized I never really liked Liz."

"Why haven't you told me about this girl?" You asked softly.

Peter shrugged again. "Because nothing will ever happen between us, she fell in love with someone else."

"Do I know her?" Peter paused, before nodding slowly. "Well, you should tell her how you feel. What's she like?"

Peter stared at the alleyway below his dangling feet. "She's...She's amazing. And she's so beautiful, she means the world to me."

"What else?" You asked, finding Peter's love life a good ditraction from your own tragic one.

"She's so caring and just fun to be around. There's always the biggest smile on her face, and whenever she does get sad I just want to hold her and make all the bad stuff go away. She's also a bit of a spaz." He smiled. "She's super clumsy, but it's also really cute. One time she accidentally slammed a locker in her face and had to go to the nurse with a bloody nose." He laughed to himself. Peter was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't seen your eyes widen, as you realized he was talking about you. "She's so easy to talk to, I can't count the amount of times where we've fallen asleep while facetiming. And she's also the biggest nerd I've ever met. She's so important to me... but I know she'd never like me back." He sighed.

"Peter." You looked up at him with knowing eyes. He looked down at you and sucked in a breath.

"Shit. I said too much." He started panicking. "Listen (Y/N) I know you just had your heart broken, and I'd never ever take advantage of you while you're hurt, so please just forget what I said." You were about to speak when someone cleared their throat behind the two of you. Both you and Peter turned around towards the window, seeing Harry.

"What's going on here?" He asked.

"Uh, Harry maybe you should go home-" Peter started.

"What is this I thought there wasn't anything going on between the two of you." He said, angry now.

You rolled your eyes, as tears began welling up again, "Leave me alone, go to Jasmine's"

Harry's eyes widened in realization. "You looked at my texts?" He asked angrily.

"Oh just shut it. I'm so tired of your bullshit. I'm done waiting for someone who doesn't like me."

"That isn't tr-"

"Oh please, I'm not even your first choice. Just leave me alone."

Harry scoffed, "Fine, whatever. I'm leaving." He said  before storming off.

"Sorry about that." You wiped away the tears that fell, before threading your fingers through Peter's. He looked down at your hands and back to your face. "You're a sweet guy Peter. Once I get over this stupid heart break, I don't think I'd be opposed to going on a date with you." You mumbled.

"R-really?" He asked hopefully.

"Can you wait for me?" You asked, knowing how ironic the situation was now. "I promise I won't do to you what Harry did to me."

He placed another kiss on your head. "Of course, (N/N)." You both looked down at the alleyway with soft smiles on your faces, the sounds of Queens drifting through the air. Finally having a promise the both of you would keep.

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Permanent Taglist: @spiderdudeparker @peterparkers-waffles @smexylemony @ultimategalaxyprogram @xxxxdelenaxxxx @chonisberonica @meaningoflifeisfandoms @aegis-s-s @just-random-stuff-18 @etherealhollandd @l0v3ell13

[space-lions-and-imagines]

could u write a scenario where lance is a superhero and the reader is a villain and they're always meeting up and having romantic tension and one night he's like "why don't we just date and both be superheroes" and the reader is like "i never thought i would switch sides, but for you? anything."

I LOVE SUPERHEROS. GIVE ME ALL THE SUPERHERO AUS PLEASE. Okay so just a little background before we jump in so it makes a bit of sense. Lance has super speed and ice powers in this AU and he is very Wally West Flash where he cracks jokes and isn’t always seen as a threat compared to bigger heros but hes smarter than people give him credit for. And the people of his town adore him because not only does he defeat the villains but he also helps with other things in the community. He is at every major charity event and uses any money he makes off of royalties to put back into the city, mostly to cover costs that his fights cause. And his name is Hailblazer (a combo of trail blazer,hell raiser and an ice pun) and his suite is very Nightwing-esque. 

Oh and shout out to @legendarydesvender because I saw their superhero au a while back and loved it and I kind of got the idea for the name from them and if they don’t want me to use something so similar I will gladly change it

“You know this isn’t very evil ofyou?” Lance aka Hailblazer said managing to spray bits of brownieeverywhere since apparently he was only able to talk with his mouthopen. I rolled my eyes and made a mocking talking motion with myhand. He either didn’t see or choose to ignore this as he shoveledyet another baked treat into his mouth. “I mean I guess they couldbe poison but if you would destroy chocolate with poison than youreally are evil and deserve to be known as the villain who broughtdown the amazing Azure Blur,” he said trying to flash a charmingsmile, failing to realize that he had chunks of chocolate in histeeth.

I laughed and actually swallowed myfood before talking. “For one nobody has added ‘the amazing’ toyour name. You can’t just add things to your stage name that would belike a whole rebranding issue that I don’t think you want to dealwith. And I am off the clock tonight. Besides evil is a very strongword. I am just trying to stop actual evil corporations fromdestroying the planet. Sure I may use a lot of lasers and monologuequite a bit, its a nasty habit I should work on actually, but I don’tthink that really makes me evil … do you?” I asked trying to keepthings casual, or as casual as we could get when outfitted in ourbest over the top and brightly colored costumes. But on the inside myheart was going as fast as him at his top speed which would mean animpossible and scientifically unsound speed that should cause it tocombust from the effort.

It was a question I had actually beenpondering for awhile. Between all the banter and strange afterglowwhen he finally foiled my plans and we got to spend time alone as heescorted me to the jail I would eventually break out of I couldn’thelp but wonder what he thought of me. He seemed to trust me to someextent, he had even revealed his secret identity to me when he cameto seek my help when he was mortally wounded. Trusted me enough tonot think twice when I sent him a message to meet me on the roof topof an abandoned building on the outskirts of town. Trusted me enoughto not think twice before eating half a dozen of the brownies I hadmade. Yet he still called me evil, still talked about defeating thevillain and hoping that I would be behind bars for good to the press.It was confusing and I know I wasn’t suppose to care, I was supposeto be so dead set in my own morals and ways that nothing anyone saidshould bother me. But this silly boy with his over gelled hair andhis bad one liners and obnoxiously blue color scheme got to me.

And the longer he made me wait for aresponse the more nervous I felt. He didn’t have to answer, he couldjust drop a pun and run off into the night but I didn’t want him to.I wanted, no needed ananswer. I leaned in closer to him, my gloved hand brushing his fingertips. “Do you think I’m evil?” I asked again but more quiet thistime, a disgusting plead in my voice. I hated the way I was seekingvalidation from him, hated that I knew if he said yes that I would becrushed and so would start the next chapter of my career as someonewho really was evil. This moment was the decisive moment in time thatwould be my back story. I knew this and I despised just how muchpower he had over me.

“Ithink that you are going about things the wrong way,” is what hefinally said slowly, the only time I had ever seen him to anythingslowly. My mind raced trying to figure out what that meant butluckily he wasn’t the kind of hero who shrouded himself in mystery.“I think that the general feelings behind your plans aren’t reallyall that bad, I can see you are trying to help in your own kind ofway but a cool motive doesn’t make it not illegal. And I’ve facedsome truly and purely evil people before … but you aren’t one ofthem,” he finally said with a warm smile. It was the kind that madecolor rise to my cheeks because it wasn’t his signature grin that wasplastered on posters around the city, this was genuine and one Iwanted to selfishly reserve for only myself.

“I’veactually been thinking about rebranding a lot actually because uh Ihave an idea. Its not something I would force on you because you doyou and I’ll only get in the way if you are doing something wrongbuttttttt … what do you think about becoming a hero? I could use apartner in justice,” he said standing up, balancing on the ledge ofthe building and holding out his hand “besides we would totallymake a power couple. But I can’t date a villain its against therules~” he added chuckling but I could see a small line of sweatbuilding on his forehead and a slight twitch in his fingers. Signs Ihad come to learn that meant he was nervous.

Ibeamed up at him and took his hand, using it as leverage to pullmyself up and press close against him where I could see his facerapidly becoming a clashing red to his blue mask. I couldn’t helpbut laugh as he let out a cute nervous chuckle, his voice crackingslightly. “You know maybe a bit of rebranding is just what I need,as long as I have you at my side,” I breathed against his lipsbefore bridging the gap between them and finally kissing the lips Ihad memorized a long time ago. For as long as I had known him I hadalways seen him moving, he could never be still even for a moment andyet for the first time ever he was completely immobile. I thoughtmaybe he had some weird defect in his powers that a kiss would zapthem and I started to panic and pull away. This seemed to bring himback to me though and suddenly his lips were moving against mine andhe was holding me securely against him. I don’t know how long westayed there, the world could have ended and been rebooted twice forall I knew before we finally came up for air.

Ipressed my nose against his own and smiled against his lips “Ididn’t think I would switch sides so easily but for you … for you Iwould do anything.”