#but i drew this kinda for/cause of an irl friend so I figure might as well q it

[short666bread]

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #259

"Sea Dragons, Liz Transformed, Mix Fix”

[Doc] Is rather unhappily working on the quartz floor of the shrine. It's raining outside one half of the building and it's blazing hot on the desert side. The air is full of fish and rot stink.

[Buff] Do you even know what it is?

[Basil] Loud noises outside-

[Doc] It's horrible and it stinks!

[Endrea] Pokes her head in- What is that rancid smell?

[Doc] Waves hir hands vaguely at the pile of rot - THIS.

[Buff] It's a thingie!

[Endrea] - I can see that...

[Doc] It's got these flat things that look like leafy stuff, but I know it's supposed to be an animal!

[Buff] Looks at Endrea - I don't think we've met before. - Sticks out a huge hand- I'm Buff!

[Endrea] Politely takes his hand- I am Endrea

[Buff] Shakes it- You're really pretty mis.

[Doc] Uses a lance to lift away a chunk of flesh - I think I found the head. Finally.

[Endrea] - Thank you.  Head, Doctor?

[Doc] Grabs something and drags it out a bit. It's a nasty looking skull with a long skinny snout and big empty eyesockets.

[Basil] Loud aggravated honking noise-

[Endrea] - I'm about ready to drag that thing out of the water and into the desert

[Doc] It's just hungry and angry. I'm working as fast as I can!

[Endrea] Grumbles- Doctor, do you mind if I stretch out into my larger form?

[Doc] Not at all. There's plenty of room even with this mess. Just try not to get any one you.

[Endrea] Shifts into her dragon form, shaking herself off a little before loafing-

[Buff] Is suprised-  Whoah! I didn't know you were a dragon! You're still lovely though. Very fit and sleek.

[Endrea] Hums out her thanks-

[Buff] Leans over Doc as they try to clean the skull a bit in a cauldron of boiling water - How come it doesn't have any feet?

[Doc] I don't know! It doesn't seem to have teeth either.

[Endrea] - It almost appears dragon like, but as far as I know dragons do not exist out there...

[Doc] Dammit, I'm gonna have to ask Lie. I need an irl expert. I hope she doesn't cuss me out for exposing her to this awful smell.

[Buff] I'll go get her! I feel like doing some running anyway!

[Doc] Knock yourself out man.

[Buff] Righty-O! - Is off like a shot.

[Doc] Stares after him.

[Endrea] - Well he's...  Energetic...

[Doc] He's a bit strange, but at least he's friendly and actually helpful.

[Endrea] Humms and then preens herself a little-

[Lie] Is trimming back the honesty blossoms a little-

[Buff] Comes racing up - Mis Lie!

[Lie] Yelps- Oh!  Buff, hello

[Buff] Doc needs you urgently!

[Lie] - Oh, um, okay?

[CP] Comes outside-

[Buff] Picks her up like a child and runs away with her-

[Lie] Yelps-

[CP] - YOU FUCKER BRING BACK MY WIFE!

[Buff] Someone to race! Catch me if you can! - Is almost to the spawn already-

[CP] Teleports after them with a growl-

[Buff] Makes it to the shrine and carries Lie inside-

[Lie] Immediately gags- Oh fucking hell what is that!?

[Buff] We're not sure. That's why we needed you! That was a good run. Cp's a slowpoke though.

[Doc] I didn't mean kidnap her!

[CP] Teleports in and goes to punch Buff-

[Buff] Grabs his approaching hand and shakes it vigoriously - Good race! You'll win next time I'm sure!

[CP] Sets said hand on fire-

[Lie] Slips out of Buff's grasp- So uh...  Why did you need me?

[Buff] Jerks his hand away - yow! Hot stuff.

[Doc] Because I'm trying to figure out what this is. It's something from the real world I've never seen before. It's got a long head like a dragon- gestures at the mostly clean skull - but all these plant bits attached to the skin, and I can't find any feet or flippers or anything.

[Lie] Frowns as she looks at it- I'm not sure...  I mean, the leafy parts kinda remind me of a much smaller animal...  But this is at least a hundred times bigger...

[Doc] This corpse was handed to me by a Leviathan. It could be a deepwater version of something normal.

[Lie] - Then maybe it's a freakishly large sea dragon?

[Doc] blinks- I though there were no dragons irl?!

[Endrea] - Sea dragon?

[Lie] - It's not an actual dragon, it's...  Hard to explain?  Here, I'll just give you a mental image...

[Doc] Stares - That's a real animal?! What the fuck?

[Endrea] - Are you certain that's not a plant?

[Buff] Looks like healthy eating for a big sea monster.

[Doc] No wonder I couldn't make heads or tails of it! It has a shell body?!

[Lie] - I think so?  I'm not positive though...  They're related to sea horses

[Doc] You have underwater horses?! I'm shocked you haven't bugged me to bring you some for your collection?!

[Lie] - Not actual horses Doc, they just kinda look like one- Gives another mental image

[Buff] Looks like a less fancy version of the weedy thing.

[Doc] Agreed. Are they big?

[Lie] - Not at all, they're actually quite small

[Doc] That's cute. And... I guess I can get rid of this stinky thing at least. The skull and one frond should be enough to work with.

[Buff] Shall I take it outside?

[Doc] Only if you'll bathe later.

[Buff] No problem! - Is already shoving the mass through the desert side door-

[CP] Considers locking Buff out-

[Doc] Cp, it's been a long time since you set something on fire besides yourself. Would you like to go incinerate it?

[CP] - Fuck yes- Goes outside ready to burn the corpse

[Buff] Rolls the mass down the hill and mops his brow before walking down himself-

[CP] Waits for Buff to get a bit closer before erupting it into flames-

[Buff] Skips backward and gets splattered a little as bits go flying- Whoah! That's one way to clean up! Good job Cp!

[CP] - I don't care what you think fucker

[Buff] Not now, but maybe someday you will. Making friends is an art!

[CP] Flips him off-

[Buff] Gives him a thumbs up-

[Liz] -Comes meandering with a sour face, nose scrunched unhappily-

[Buff] Waves - Hi Liz!

[Liz] Hhhhey!

[CP] Is just watching the flames-

[Liz] -Scoots around burning corpse to bump CP and Buff-

[Buff] Best not to do that! I've got a bit of a stink on, little one.

[Liz] Too late! Beside, not as bad as the burning version.

[Buff] Well, it will be gone soon. Cp's flames are pretty hot!

[CP] Cools down the flames to make it last longer-

[Liz] Good! Smells gross.

[Buff] Doesn't notice- And soon we're gonna have live ones! Big leafy water dragons!

[Liz] Are they gonna smell as gross as that one?

[Buff] Nope. Cause they'll be alive!

[Liz] That's good!

[Buff] And Basil won't cry anymore.

[Basil] Still making annoyed noises in the background-

[Liz] Basil? The thing Momma watched?

[Buff] Yeah, the big black sea monster that's filling up most of the bay. This is it's natural prey animal.

[CP] - So that's why Doc brought it back

[Buff] Someone named Levi gave it to hir!

[CP] - That would be the Leviathan...

[Buff] That's the one!

[CP] - What ever...

[Liz] -Nibbles on nails a bit before bouncing around and bumping head against CP gently-

[CP] - What is it?

[Buff] Excuse me for a moment- Wades into the little river

[Liz] Hi!

[Liz] -smiles up at CP-

[CP] - Do you want a treat?  I might have dragonwort on me...

[Buff] Remembers he has some wood in his inventory and tosess a few chunks on the fire before going back to washing himself-

[Liz] Nope!

[Liz] Just wanna say hi. *plop to sit beside CP

[CP] - Well then hello to you to, getting into mischief?

[Liz] Not really, Mom's been tired a lot so I try to not make too much... *glance back and forth

[Liz] But! I drew a picture for a thing and I... maaay... have made a small mess?

[CP] - Good job kiddo

[Liz] They say it's not good to do that.. But Meh!

[Liz] -scratches horn base- Skeee says I gotta be more... uh.. prime? and proper! Cos' I'm special. But I'm just a kid, so I dunno what he means. What have you been up to?

[CP] - Recovering, I was injured...

[Liz] ! By what? You're so strong! Can I fight whatever hurt you?

[CP] - The false NOTCH...

[Liz] -Head tilt- What?

[CP] - I have two NOTCH's, the one spawned for me, and the one that took over...  The one that took over not only managed to delete me, but delete Lie as well...

[Liz] Delete? Like.. Make go away? How! That's shitty. *pause, droop head and look around for parental units because shi used a bad word

[Liz] You should kill the bad one.

[CP] - We're trying

[Lie] Trying? Why not just do! Or is he like... Strong? Real strong?

[CP] - Very strong

[Liz] Oh! Huh... Stronger than you?

[CP] - Not for long

[Liz] That's good! Hard to believe anything stronger than you.

[CP] - Thanks kiddo, well, I'm going to check on my wife

[Liz] Alright!

[Doc] Just climbs into the lava fountain fully clothed and scrubs off - thank goodness. I feel like my sinuses were in full rebellion.

[TLOT] comes up from the kitchen hallway carrying the trunk. -Doc? I have what yo asked for.

[TLOT] Yeah. And it's a fucking command block in pieces.

[Doc] REALLY? Do you know what's on it?

[TLOT] Obviously a bit bummed- Deletion codes...

[Doc] Gets out too fast and spills a bit of lava on the floor- THAT BASTARD. We've got his ass now! There's no way that belonged to anyone else. How did we miss it before?

[TLOT] it was hidden in a wall with a booby trap that was set to blow up the house.... Stevie is not happy.

[Doc] Well.... At least he won't have any illusions now as to which side he should be on.

[TLOT] This is true.

[Doc] I'm taking this straight  to Dawn!

[Basil] Tremendous angry wail-

[Doc] Then we take care of Basil....

[Doc] sticks the trunk in hir inventory and shifts, crowding Endrea slightly - I'm not even closing the door! I'll be super quick!

[Liz] -Trots up to the shrine, poking head in-

[Doc] Liz arrives just in time to see doc in their dragon shape knock a hole in reality itself and go racing through the broken tv on the other side. The portal stays open, statick all around its edges and bits of sand blowing inside and pixellating on the floor of the shrine

[Liz] ... What? -Slink up to peek into portal head tilting and expression curious.-

[Endrea] Has come that direction- I wouldn't go through there Liz

[Liz] Why? Where's it go?

[Endrea] - The real world, someplace that will cause you pain at first

[Liz] Sounds like trash. Why's Doc going? *plop to sit, look up at Endrea

[Endrea] - Because they have business out there

[Lie] Comes up after convincing CP to finish burning the corpse-

[Liz] Oh. ... But doesn't it hurt Doc? Or does Doc go out a lot?

[Endrea] - The pain is only once, then it doesn't hurt anymore

[Lie] - Talking about going irl?

[Endrea] - Yes Mistress

[Liz] Oh! That's cool. Have you gone out? *tilt head up at Endrea

[Endrea] - Yes, many times

[Liz] That's cool!

[Endrea] - Perhaps when you're older

[Liz] I gotta wait for Doc to get back, I gotta drawin' to show em! So I can look like Momma. *nod nod a bit and pop drawing out of inventory to proudly present to Endrea

[Endrea] - That's a very nice drawing Liz

[Liz] I can do better when I'm bigger, probably... But it's good for now!

[Endrea] - Yes it is, and I'm sure you'll surprise Mix and Sky with it

[Liz] It'll.. Also make it easier to get around in the house. *sheepish look

[Liz] It's gotta make Momma feel better, right? She'll like it!

[Endrea] - Yes, that's why most of us also have human forms

[Lie] - Make her feel better?

[Liz] Momma's tired a lot and doesn't go walking with us anymore.  She went out the other day though!

[Lie] - She's really tired?  How long has she been feeling tired?

-Liz sets the picture down and counts on hir paws a bit- [Liz] ...Uhh.... -Gives up and shrugs a bit- A While?

[Lie] Frowns in concern- Well, maybe you should mention it to Doc

[Liz] I planned to! When I showed Doc my picture!

[Lie] - Good, that's what you should do for somebody they care about

[Liz] Not be a meanie like CP? Even if he means good under all that mean?

[Lie] - He's not always a meanie.  He's learning to be better all the time

[Liz] Yeah, but he's still a big meanie sometimes. Usually to people who are jus' trying to be nice!

[Lie] - It's because he doesn't know how to respond.  Nobody had been nice to him in a very, very long time

[Liz] Then he should try being like them! He's real nice to kids like me! He was gon' give me a treat!

[Lie] - He's good with kids because he raised his brother who used to be a kid

[Liz] Then why's he mean to him too? *head tilt

[Lie] - They were both tricked by a very mean NOTCH who made Stevie an adult and turned them against each other.  As soon as CP gained his eyes he went to Stevie to make sure he was okay, and Stevie had been tricked into thinking he was bad

[Liz] The Mean NOTCH that Cp talked about?  That sucks.

[Lie] - Yeah it does, he was a lot worse when he first came here

[Liz] Momma says he yelled a lot on her first day here. He was loud a lot, wasn't he?

[Lie] - Very much so, he also killed the others here a lot more

[Liz] Huh... *chew on claws a bit, lowering head thoughtfully

-There's a bit of bird noise as some gulls are scattered by the doctor returning-

[Doc] shoots back through the hole and seals it behind hir. Phasing artfully through my the huge glass window and sliding back inside and down between the eyes of the Herobrine in the stained glass. Xe thumps down on the floor with a cruel smile. - the deed will be done tonight. And all she wanted was the buttons from the block. So I can work on reversing the actual information

[TLOT] Good. I hope she kills the bastard.

[Liz] Doc's back! *bounce bounce up

[Lie] Shudders a little as she remembers what happened to her-

[Doc] Pats Liz with a paw- how are you doing kiddo?

[Liz] I'm good! Look look, I brought a picture so you can make me look like Momma! *dart back to pick picture up and present it to Doc

[Doc] holds it in hir claws- Aww. I can do this. But I have to take care of Basil first. Just stay here, okay?

[Liz] Alright! I got time, Momma'll be happy to see me all bipidal like her she'll feel better! *plop to sit

[Doc] Lie? Could you furnish me with some plants? Nothing specific, just lots of big leaves.

[Doc] Wait? Feel better? What's wrong with Mix?

[Lie] - Sure- She concentrates and creates leafy seaweed like leaves

[Doc] Sets up hir own command block and places the skull on it while waiting for Liz to answer hir-

[TLOT] Leaves?

[Buff] Comes back from the side passage in to watch-

[Liz] Momma's tired a lot now.  *chews on nails a slight bit

[Liz] Doesn't get up as much. She got out for the first time in a while the other day!

[Doc] That doesn't sound right, have her come see me for a checkup very soon, okay?

[Liz] I'll see if she'll get out of bed to. She just lays around... *pout

[Liz] Doesn't go for walks with us anymore.

[Doc] I'll walk you home when we're done then.

[Liz] -nod nod-

[CP] Comes back in- That things burnt to a crisp now!

[Liz] Good!

[CP] - Oh, you're still here

[Liz] Yep!

[CP] - Surprised one of your guardians hasn't come looking for you yet

[Liz] M a big kid! They don't gotta watch me!

[CP] - Are you sure?

[Liz]... Mostly. Skee could watch me, but he was reading so i didn't bother him....

[CP] - Did you at least let one of them know where you were going?

[Liz].... Yessss?

[CP] Gives her an "I don't believe you face"

[Liz] Kind of? I said it really fast while running up the stairs

[CP] Sighs- Oh joy...

[Liz] - sheepish grin-

[Doc] is listening while coding and adds a bunch of Lies foliage to the shape Xe's creating around the skull. The resulting thing is bigger then a horse, but easily manipulated in hir paws.

[Lie] - Wow, that thing really is huge...

[Liz] - scoots over to watch -

[TLOT] just let me know when it's my turn...

[Doc] I will, I will! I know this your area too.

[CP] - I thought you didn't like bringing large stuff to life TLOT?

[Liz] *blep

[TLOT] Only because I was afraid of getting in trouble. - he beams at them with pride in his friends- but since those close to my hearts slew the beast. I don't have to be afraid anymore.

[CP] Makes a gagging motion-

[Doc] We can't finish it in here anyway, it's a water creature. - Xe bundles up the creature into its codes and stuffs it in a spawn egg. It looks a bit like a creeper egg., all green and speckled

[Liz] - baps CPs knee with a paw - that's not nice! Smile!

[CP] - Smiling isn't my thing

[TLOT] Takes the egg gently and cuts his fingers on his teeth, painting it purple with blood and making it pulse softly-

[Liz] Then nod, or somethin!

[CP] Just pats Liz on the head-

[Liz] ya don't gotta be all scared and scary anymore! Ya got family. *nuzzle hand a bit

[CP] - It's part of my job to be scary

[Liz] Then be a nicer scary. Scary at the right people!

[Doc] He has a reputation to maintain Liz. Otherwise the other pastas will pick on him.

[TLOT] It's ready. You guys want to come outside and watch?

[Doc] You bet I do!

[Lie] - Sure

[Endrea] - It depends on which direction we're going

[TLOT] Heads up the short steps to the hallway below the signaling tower-

[Doc] Desert side Endrea.

[Endrea] - Then I will follow

[Doc] Just walks out through the wall and loafs where xe can see TLOT-

[Endrea] Steps outside and Lie follows her-

[Basil] Stirring in the pond, quiet for the moment-

[Liz] - trot out with to look at what's happening -

[Doc] Is entranced and hir eyes sparkle with wonder. - They're beautiful...

[Basil] Deep snuffling and a sudden thrashing as they try to turn around and get out of the bay without touching the lava falls.

[TLOT] Rolls the egg over in his hands and copies it several times. He holds it up and clicks it into the water again and again. The big weedy sea dragons spawn out in an arc and are visible for frozen moments as they plunge into the water and quickly swim away with their plantlike fronds twirling like fans in the clear water.

[TLOT] Leans out to see around the bridge better-

[Basil]  goes roaring after the dragons with his jaws wide-

[TLOT] Guess we better make lots of those...

[Doc] No shit...

[Lie] - Lets hope they can breed on their own...

[Doc] If they can't, we'll just spawn a bunch periodically. Maybe it's time I coded for something to be a natural spawn. I've never done that.

[Liz] pretty.....

[Deer] In chat- What did you just make?

[Doc] We finished ressurecting the thing I had the corpse of, my dearest. You'll love em! Part dragon, head like a horse and covered with pretty leaf things.

[Deer] - Sounds bizarre...

[Doc] I'll spawn some for you later. I think Basil will eat all of these in short order since they haven't had them in a while.

[Doc] At Liz - Your turn kiddo. Then we go check on Mix.

[TLOT] There's something wrong with Mix?

[Doc] Apparently.

[TLOT] Why can't we just tp her here?

[Buff] I can go get her!

[Doc] No you can't! She lives deep underwater!

[Buff] Pouts-

[Liz] My turn! My turn!

[Doc] Unfurls the drawing again and makes a quick table of woodblocks - I think.... hmmm,, obsidian and black wool.... Xe starts crushing and melting blocks into pixels and sits down on hir hanches to shape a person sized doll out of the mass.

[TLOT] You're getting much faster at doing that.

[Doc] Practice makes perfect.

[Doc] Whats this pointy thing on top Liz? Is it a sagital crest? Or do you just want a pointy purple hat?

[Liz] Hair! I didn't make the back but.. Its hair, like mommas!

[Doc] Pulls out some purple wool and starts fiddling with it. - Your moms puffs out and down though. It's short- Starts trying to arrange the hair on the doll without much luck.

[Liz] Well yeah, but my crest goes up! Maybe try something sturdy to keep it up?

[Liz] Or I could style it...

[Doc] A little slime would keep it up. Mine just stands because I have so much natural statick. - Xe starts rolling a little tail and paints some stripes on it.

[Liz]  Is that why? Huh. Cool! *cheerful smile

[Doc] Pinches up the stripes into purple bumps- Yeah, that's why it droops when my energy is low.

[TLOT] Spawns a few more sea dragons just to watch them leap and swim.

[Basil] Is barely visible on the horizon chasing one of the weedy sea dragons-

[Liz] Neat! -Leans in to watch Doc work, blepping slightly-

[Doc] Does some finishing touches and holds the limp body up like a doll- Does that look right to you?

[TLOT] Are you ready for Mix Doc?

[Doc] Just about, you should warn her first anyway.

[Liz] -Trot around to look at it- Hmmmm... Yeah!

[TLOT] Mentally to Mix - Doc wants to take a look at you. Are you busy, now-ish?

[Doc] Holds out the body- It'll vanish when you take it. That's normal. Just equipt it in the chest slot of your inventory.

[Mix] -In reply after a moment- Uh.... Give me a second to get some clothing on, then sure.

[Liz] -Takes body excitedly-

[TLOT] Waits-

[Doc] Go on Liz, try it out. Walking will take some practice, but you'll get the hang of it. This is a good place to practice. Falling on sand isn't too terrible.

[Liz] -Small pause before bam, humanoid kiddo!- Oooooo! *wobble onto butt and just, wiggle legs a bit experimentally, feeling everything with hir hands-

[Mix] Alright, now I'm ready.

[Doc] Puts hir tail fluff behind Liz to keep hir upright-

- /Tp Mixminer to HerobrineTheLordofTears/ -

[Doc] Now you can show your mom too.

[Mix] -Plops a little against TLOT, wobbling on her feet. She looks as tired as she probably feels. She looks like she threw the nearest shirt on, and it's probably Sky's as it's about 4 sizes too big for her tiny ass.-

[Liz] -Shakily gets to feet, although hir posture is highly based on bad balance. A tragic case of "Where did all my bodyweight go and how do I stand or do anything without it??".- Momma!

[Lie] Frowns a little in concern- Mix...

[Endrea] Goes to help Liz stand and find her balance-

[Mix] Hmm?

[Liz] This is neat..... *leaning on Endrea

[Doc] Is so concerned xe scoops up Mix in hir paws. - your colors are terrible! Everything so dull and gray and you, have a gem forming in your back?! Is that normal for your seed?! I know Nk has one...

[Lie] Spawns a few healing flowers-

[Mix] - startled, but now in Doc's paws - Uhh-- I... My brothers did... Notch's was gold though... *sleepy shrug, looking up at Doc

[Doc] is feeling over the gem, looking for any .exe files or hidden folders- it's a... Battery?

[TLOT] How interesting. It seems like so much associated with your home seed is crystal powered.

[Doc] Bites hir lip a little bit.- I know what you need but it's not gonna feel good at all. So my apologies in advance.

[TLOT] Do you need blood Doc?

[Doc] No actually what I need is- hir head swings around to face the big brine who is merely watching with a bored expression- Cp.

[CP] - What?

[Endrea] Is coaching Liz a little, having experience with not only herself but her three children as well-

[Mix] -Worried expression-

[Liz] -A very quick learner, Shi's walking, if a bit wobbly-

[Mix] Should I... Be worried?

[Endrea] - Good, your starting to get it now

[Liz] -Toddle toddle-

[Doc] No, I mean, it won't be fun. But I'm 96% sure it will work. Your crystal seems to have a good capacity for electrical load even though the stats are still forming.

[Mix] Oh-- You're gonna shock me aren't you? Oh--- This is gonna hurt.... *slight wiggle

[Doc] Cp remember that bolt you threw at me in the Nether? Hit me again. Aim for my tail so I can cushion the blow on Mix a little bit. It's gonna hurt me if that sweetens the pot for you.

[Mix] Ehhh.... ... If... If it makes me feel better...

[CP] Debates a little before summoning the lightning to his hand- Fine- He chucks it as hard as he can at Docs ass

[Doc] Hir teeth clamp too tightly shut to scream at the sheer voltage flowing through hir and xe crushes Mix painfully to hir chest trying to filter some of the raw power to avoid cooking the smaller creature. After several painful moments the power finds its level, leaving Mix full and Doc feeling like a burnt out light bulb. Xe topples slowly to one side and lets go of Mix- you... Fucker...

[CP] - That's my line

-Mix is mostly a ball of screaming pain throughout the voltage. She plops onto the ground and lays there for a second, staring ahead. The emerald in her back is glowing with frantic light.-

[Liz] Momma! Doc!

[Mix] -Slowly sits up, shivering a bit. Her colors are mostly back to normal, maybe even a bit brighter?- Woah---- Holy fuck. I.--- That's a lot of energy... -Slight rock in place-

[Endrea] - Shhh, see?  She's alright Liz

[Liz] -Baring teeth a bit only to relax as Mix is alright- Mom! -Does the scramble to her, it's an odd mix(haha) of motions, clearly trying to go fast like shi usually would, but it doesn't quite match up with the new body-

[Endrea] - Careful

[Lie] Is pinching the bridge of her nose and grumbling under her breath over her husbands behavior-

[Endrea] - Liz, try keeping your feet a bit farther apart

[Doc] softly- Lie...?

[TLOT] Also approaches out of concern-

[Lie] - Yes?- Moves a bit closer to them

[Doc] I'm offically tattling on your husband for fucking my ass with lighting and not even buying me flowers or dinner first.

[Lie] - Oh trust me, there will be repercussions...

[Doc] Good.

[TLOT] Is trying not to laugh since Doc's obviously being sarcastic-

[Doc] Mix? Are you okay?

[CP] Approaches his wife- Come on, I did what Doc asked

[Lie] - No sex, two weeks

[CP] - WHY!?

[Mix] I feel so alive! I'm not tired at all anymore! -standing up a bit wobbly, looking at herself as Liz toddles over. throws an arm around her dragon kid and gives hir a big smooch to the forehead-

[Doc] Good. If no one minds, I think I'm just going to lay here for a bit, since the well-understood rule about not toasting the admins has been soundly violated.

[CP] - YOU TOLD ME TO!

[Mix] -Smooches Liz's head again before sifting a blanket from her inventory, delicately drapes it over Doc.-

[Doc] Thank you Mix. Not on my ass I didn't!

[Mix] No problem! Thanks again, really... But I should be getting this troublemaker home.

[Liz] But mooommmaaa

[Endrea] - They will need some clothes...

[Liz] Nooo! I don't need clothes!

[TLOT] We can toga for now. - Pulls on his shirt and multiplies the blue fabric until it's a long, wide strip. Artfully he winds it around Liz and then tosses the end over hir shoulder. - There you go.

[Liz] Laaammmeeee... Dragons don't need to be dressed!

[Mix] Oh hush, its better than getting gasped over if someone spots you! *herd herd the Liz

[Mix] Bye, thanks again! Life saver, really.

[Lie] - Hey Doc, while we're here...

[Doc] Is laying with hir forked tongue hanging out just a teeny bit. - yus?

[Lie] - Pretty sure I'm well enough now for you to take one of my hearts to give CP, if your up for it that is...

[CP] - Lie...

[TLOT] That is going to hurt....

[Lie] - I know, but even though he won't admit it it will give CP a bit more peace

[CP] - Rather not have to have one of your hearts

[Doc] We have demonstrated why it's a good idea though...

[TLOT] I'll make something to keep it in. Save you a little effort. - He takes a gold ingot and an emerald from the creative and starts picking them apart on the wooden blocks Doc left out.

[CP] Flips Doc off-

[Doc] I guess I'll need to be smaller. I don't want to hurt you needlessly. - Xe shrinks down and ends up laying flat on the ground.

[Lie] Takes a breath to steady herself and CP moves behind her-

[TLOT] Holds up the finished locket. It's more the size of a pocket watch, but it is heart shaped. The front has two overlapping emerald leaves, and he squeezes a small latch to make them pop open like a pair of wings.

[Lie] - It's beautiful TLOT

[TLOT] Blushes slightly-

[Doc] No, don't stand. You come down here. Sit across from me at least.

[Lie] Moves so she's sitting in front of Doc-

[Doc] Levers up from the ground and sits cross-legged, facing her. Xe steadies hirself, still looking rather frazzled, and lays a hand gently  on Lie's chest.

[Lie] Small pull away at Doc touching near boobs-

[CP] Growls-

[Doc] Easy. I'll be as gentle as I can. - Xe makes a little bit of statick around hir fingers and traces a small hole -

[Lie] Looks away a little-

[Doc] Brushes a fingertip along her heart cluster and settles on one near the bottom, close to the redstone heart that's pulsing softly and throwing a bit of reddish light across hir features-

[Lie] Flinches a little at the contact-

[Doc] Melts the connection and plucks the tiny heart from her chest. Xe puts hir other palm on Lie's sternum to keep her from toppling as the hole closes. - Done.

[Lie] Lets out a whine of pain and CP moves quickly, gathering her into his arms and trying his best to soothe her-

[TLOT] Closes the locket around the small heart and holds it gently.

[Doc] Stays sitting. - Sorry Lie...

[Lie] - It...  It's okay...- She curls into CP's embrace

[TLOT] I have a muffin if you want it. A little food will help you heal.

[Lie] - Thanks- She holds her hand out for it

[TLOT] Smiles and passes it to her- It has little white dots on the top that are immediately recognizable as lightning berries.

[Doc] Smiles- Just expanding your repitoire huh?

[TLOT] What can I say? They taste good.

[Lie] Nibbles on the muffin, relaxing in CP's familiar warmth-

[CP] - Give it to me- He doesn't like TLOT holding Lie's heart

[TLOT] Offers it- No need to be so gruff. I know you'll take good care of it.

[Doc] Hopefully we won't ever need to use it.

[CP] Pockets it for now as he stands, lifting his wife as he goes-

[Lie] - I suspect we're heading home

[CP] - No shit

[Doc] It's okay Lie. I need to go ground myself anyway.

[lacklusterswirl]

The Choices You Make (Ch. 3)

Hey all, so this is Chapter 3, and we start the action :). Deadlines are picking up irl, so updates might be slower, but I’ll try to get them out as quickly as I can.

As always, you can comment your choices on AO3 or to directly on this site. Hope you enjoy :)

(Chapter under the cut)

.

Frost hopped off the vehicle and took a breath of musty air. Just the same as she remembered.

“Control? This is Tina “Frost” Lin Tsang. Team Charlie has arrived and are setting up. It’s currently 08:33:05, and the skies are clear, but I see some clouds coming that may suggest rain early afternoon. Am I missing something?”

“Copy that. And Ciel has his reasons for asking for that info, you know?”

“Oh, I know. I just disagree with his controlling tendencies. He used to be much worse.”

“Ok, well, there are multiple entrances here, I’d recommend you block off the direct entrance to Slater and Laurier. The path closest to Confed. Park is long, so you can set some traps and cams.”

“Sauer is on her way. There’s a motion sensor and bulletproof cam being set up down that path. I’ll drop off a few mats there too in case.”

“Sounds good. I need to check in with Alpha and Bravo. Let me know when your set up is done so I can look in.”

“10-4”

First thing to do was to put on Rook’s plates. Then, to reinforce the garage doors so they couldn’t get flanked from inside the building.

“I totally could.” Jameson was talking up a storm with Clash. “Here, I have a few different coins. You randomly toss one, and I’ll tell you which one you threw.”

Clash shook her head, though Rook was more than happy to take the pile of coins and sort them out.

“Working hard?” Frost asked the three.

While Clash and Jameson knew she was just giving them a hard time, Rook froze before handing the coins back and preparing himself with a few grenades and moving his bags to their designated storage area, an abandoned convenience store that still had its shelves in place though the products were long gone. Rook was still a little unsure about being in there by himself, but that just made the situation better. Frost smirked and saw Sauer walking back towards them out of the corner of her eye.

“Cameras and motion detectors are in place.”

“Jameson SHOULD be nearly done setting up the signal detectors.” Frost turned to glare at the man who just smiled back in return. “Once those are up, I’ll get in touch with Control. For now, can you do a last check of the area?”

“What, you want a coffee?”

“That’d be great, thanks for offering!” Frost cheerfully responded. “I’ll pay you back. I always do.”

“Still playing rookie tricks with me I see.”

“Thanks, Sauer.”

“Frost!” Jameson was back from wherever he was off to earlier. “Signal detectors are up, and control has tapped into the feed now. They can basically listen to any conversation in the area, but—”

“Great, I’ll let them know.”

“But—”

Frost frowned at his persistence and motioned for a moment of silence.

“Control?”

“Copy. I see we have access to… hm?” There was another voice in the back. “Near them?”

“Frost, I swear I heard something near us!” Jameson finally exploded.

Control confirmed it. “We’ve got an unidentifiable sound coming in from Slater.”

“What?” Frost’s brain was racing to come up with a response.

“It’s… best we can say is that it’s a scraping noise.”

“A body dragging itself somewhere,” Jameson pitched in. “In your welcome mat…”

Huh. He was always known for his acute hearing abilities. It was why his favourite trick was to have someone throw different coins on the ground, and tell them which, and exactly how many of each coin got tossed. But to identify that as… as a body dragging itself?

“Control, get in contact with Sauer. She should be near Slater. Have her flank that alley from the main street. Jameson and I will approach from our side.”

“Copy.”

They both got out their suppressed pistols and carefully walked towards where Jameson claimed to have heard the sound. Once they got closer, Frost could hear the skrting noise that occurred in short bursts.

“Denim on concrete?” Jameson offered. “Only one person though.”

A slight groan and hissing came next, and Frost gave the signal to come out from behind their cover. Sauer, listening in, flanked like asked and they walked up to the single body now lying frozen on the ground.

“State your name and purpose!” Frost barked. “You’re surrounded. Any sudden movements, and we shoot.”

There was pure steel in her veins as the man on the ground managed to get himself on his elbows and look up at them.

“My name is Ryan Crowden. I’m an undercover cop. My leg… it got caught on this bear trap… I need help, please…”

Frost motioned for Sauer to cuff him and for Jameson to quickly put something together to move the man to their hold.

“Control, did Ciel say anything about the cop?”

“Yes. He said there was an undercover cop from one of the gangs, but… that information wasn’t given to him. I can pressure them to give up the name now, but… that’ll take some time.”

“Copy, get on that,” she said. Sauer and Jameson were already hoisting him up and walking back to their hold. Frost followed them back and watched with approval as Clash tied up the intruder before freeing their leg.

“Shit, that hurt,” the man was whining. “You can’t do this to me! I’m one of—”

“Riddle me this,” Frost snarled, getting everyone’s attention. She quickly signaled for Sauer and Jameson to seal off two of the major entryways. Control could easily have eyes and ears on the third. “How does a man escape a terrorist organization, crawl through the streets of a city during rush hour unnoticed, and somehow learn about a secret op in a back alley?”

“I-I…” They were trembling so hard that Frost couldn’t make out the next words.

Frost drew her handgun again and pushed the barrel against his forehead. “I asked for an answer.”

“I was on my way out of the gang. My extract just started when I got jumped.”

“Impossible,” Frost cut-in. “I would’ve heard about it had it happened anywhere near Ottawa.”

“Well…” he paused. “Look, you can’t say this to anyone else but…”

“But?” Rook adjusted his equipment, showing off the SMG against his chest.

Ryan took a look at the angry op and swallowed hard. “The extract was unofficial… off the books… I… I was at a friend’s house. They left the gang the moment they started talks with the White Masks, and offered me a safehouse.”

“Where’s the safehouse?”

“It’s on Gladstone. Near Centretown West—”

“If you were really that far, what made you think you should come here?” Frost interjected straight away. She pushed a little harder with her gun. “Where were you?”

“I was on my way there! I had a backpack and was at a bus stop when these guys pulled up and recognized me. Then they saw the bag and kinda… figured out my plan. I swear I’m not one of them.”

“What was in the bag?” Clash asked.

“Just fifty bucks and change of clothes. It was supposed to be temporary while I waited on my unit to clean stuff up.” Frost nodded at Clash to look through the bag.

“And why didn’t they kill you?”

“Because they didn’t realize I was a cop. They just thought I was deserting. That was it.”

“Convenient, huh?” Rook looked at Frost, who was still thinking hard about the story.

“Bag’s clear. Just what he said,” Clash murmured, taking out a nice pair of pants and a shirt Frost only wished she could buy. Leave it to criminals to get more money than actual law enforcement.

“What are they planning then?”

He looked around nervously, causing her to motion for Rook to take higher ground and scan for threats. “If my old crew goes back to the terrorists and tell them about me… they’re going to come for me, and try to assassinate me before I say anything about their plans. But they know something weird is going to be happening at one of their meeting points also near Centretown.”

Frost backed off. Buck… the only known cell in that area was the one he was going after… She motioned for Clash to watch him as she pulled away to talk with Control.

“You got all that?” she asked. “Should we…”

“Buck’s team is just about to go in. I’ll warn them about it, but… Do you trust him?”

“I… I—”

A gunshot went off and Clash was on comms, relaying information.

“Sniper on the roof. Rook is already on his way looking for them, I’ve managed to close all windows and I have my shield up and we’re waiting in our hold.”

“I’m going to go join Rook, everyone, hold your positions.”

Frost sprinted up the stairs to hear a few grunts before a shadowy figure ran up the stars while a frustrated Rook came tumbling down.

“I’m following the target.” She saw Rook get up and follow once he got his bearings.

Up and up they went until they reached the roof again. “Hands up and on your head. Don’t move, or I’ll shoot.”

White Masks were known to be fanatical, willing to even sacrifice their life for… well… no one really knew. It really shouldn’t have been such a surprise, but Frost still flinched as Rook’s bullets whizzed by and landed right between the sniper’s eyes as the terrorist turned with a pistol withdrawn.

“Tango down,” Rook announced.

Frost nodded her thanks.

As she and Rook searched the body, only finding a couple coins, a few random bullets, and a clear liquid that was already dripping from somewhere in the bag, though no container to hold it.

“Is this sugar water?” Rook’s lip curled in disgust as he pulled his hand out of the man’s pocket. “It’s smells kinda sweet, no? But not sticky…”

“Try not to breathe it in,” Frost told him. “Could be anything.”

As she pushed her hand into his jean pockets, she found a loose piece of paper. “‘Caesar salad’… what is this, Control?”

“Send a picture”

Caesar Salad.

YMJ XJWZR NX NS YMJ GZQQJY.

TSJ YT IJQNAJW, TSJ YT PNQQ.

BJ BNQQ RFPJ RYAN UFD.

XMJ BNQQ RFPJYMJ INXYWFHYNTS.

XMJ BNQQ YFPJ TZY YMJ TYMJW.

QNKJ KTW HFZXJ.

TWIJWX GD OZQNZX.

Rook waved a few wet pieces of paper in front of Frost. “I have something else here. Probably the key to solve the code, but whatever liquid was in his pocket has completely ruined and destroyed the page.”

“The bullets probably ripped the wet paper apart,” Frost murmured, seeing bits of the alphabet on the pieces of paper.

“Check-in, team Charlie.” Control suddenly requested. “We’re getting weird signals from someone’s phone.”

“This is Jameson. Laurier clear.”

“Sauer. Slater clear. Also, does this mean you’re gonna assign us to body duty?”

“Let me guess,” Frost said, drily. “Ciel’s orders?”

“You remember him after all.” Control even dared chuckle at her expense. “He requested we do this since the teams are too small.”

“Rook, and I’m uh… checking in.”

“Frost. Checking in. I’m fine.”

A silence while they all waited for the fifth.

“Clash?”

No answer. Frost sprinted down the stairs and into their hold with her gun raised. Rook went a different direction, and she had no choice but to call the other two in. “Sauer, Jameson, leave flank watch to Control. We have an unknown situation here.”

“Buck’s starting soon,” Control reminded Frost. Right. Control wouldn’t only be watching over them. Buck would need that warning, and…

“Doesn’t matter. I’m priority,” she hissed through gritted teeth. Her heart sank, but her choices were limited.

“Understood.”

Rook went to the side closest to the street while she moved to the back and came face-to-face with Ryan, who was now holding Clash’s gun… There was no mistaking the little bunny charm she liked to hang on that gun.

“Whoa,” he gave a nervous chuckle. “I was just gonna come find you.” He dipped the barrel so it was pointed at the ground.

“The boarded-up section to Slater from the store has been broken down, Frost,” Sauer’s report came. She was behind the man, side arm drawn. “Rook is reinforcing it now, but it’s too late. Whoever came in is already back out.”

“Whoever came in threw a towel on my head. I only heard some struggling, but it ended when you guys did the check in. That guy must have run off then.” Ryan explained.

Frost took in the surroundings to try and collect her thoughts on what to do next. There were a lot of glass shards on the ground, which was new. They would make stealth a lot harder if it came to it here. “Where’s Clash?”

“With me,” Rook answered. “Jameson is coming to join you now, but Clash is breathing. Knocked out, but ok. And… Frost, that same liquid from the rooftop is around her face, but it’s drying too quickly to be sure. It was a White Mask that did this to her for sure though. The mask is still here.”

There was something she was missing. “Put down the gun and we can talk.”

“Ok… as long as you lower yours too.”

She did as asked and watched him as he pushed the gun away with his foot. “How did you get out of your bonds?”

“Glass shards. I started sawing from the moment they broke down the window.”

Control spoke up, “Frost, Avoledo is set to go in one minute.”

She played with the inside of her cheek while she thought about her options. “You can go help them for the start, but Before you go though… Got any updates on our stranger?”

Options: “He’s for real. I think he’s safe.” Or “I don’t trust him.”

[speakingintothedarkness]

Old Memes and Memories

Hnn.... It’s been a while. 

Still with Liz. Briefly dated a trans girl long distance over teh interwebs but it went downhill. 

Still... grappling with gender, even though I’m way more comfortable with being not-cis than I was last time we talked about this, dear internet. 

I read a thing today. Its keeping me awake, and I have this weird feeling that if I tried to talk to anyone about it, it’d come off as... either inscrutible, offensive, or both.

Ugh it’s embarassing really. Fucking Homestuck. I know, what is this 2015? But seriously I had read that entire trashfire of a webcomic when it was being released and I only just learned about the epilogues so I figured I’d read that. 

It’s a bit weird. Go figure, right? Hussie is a weird dude who leans into his weirdness even harder than Dan Shive does. The entire thing is framed around a dichotemy, a choice that one character makes and all the action that follows comes from that choice. You get to make that choice for that character, but the story only really makes sense if you do it both ways. And, perhaps typically, even though this is the epilogue to a vast spanning story, somehow it’s not even really about tying up the loose ends. In fact, it leaves you with more than you started. The antagonist of the epilogue isn’t even the villain that was built up throughout the run of the comic and then never directly addressed. 

But that’s not what’s bothering me. What’s bothering me is, of course, the trans question. 

In one of the two branching timelines, a character comes out as trans. In that timeline, he is given time to examine his gender with an understanding partner and winds up deciding on a full transition to being male. 

...but in the other timeline, the same character winds up being married to a straight dude and remains a woman, has kids and basically... goes as straight cis as she can. And its really hard to say which version of them is happier in the end. A bunch of shit goes terribly for both versions (either/both ways, this was not a happily ever after for pretty much anyone involved), but both versions wind up soliloquizing about how they struggled with their gender and are happy with where they wound up. 

This... is a thing that as a tran myself I know I’m supposed to be foaming at the mouth over. Implying that trans is a thing you can choose to be, implying that, if things had gone differently you might wish to not be what you are, even if specifically asked about it... these are cardinal sins. 

And certainly for some people, they’ve known on some level who they were their entire life. But... I am not one of them. I can point to the exact moments in time that pushed me towards this self-realization, three sentences that various people have said to me, and two life-decisions that culminated in me being forced to examine what all this meant. So I guess since I can’t sleep and this is a self-indulgent exercise to begin with, it’s mOtHerFuKiNg StOrY tImE hOnK! 

The first moment that led me down this road, the point that planted the first proto-seed of thought about my gender in my mind was, perhaps predictably, about a game. In this case a long-standing DnD game I’d played with my OC friends in the early days of my relationship with C before she decided she hated them and didn’t want me to spend time with them and that’s own fucking rabbit hole. 

In our game, our characters had become so intrinsically involved in the politics of the nation our game was set in, that we realized that going on adventures was irresponsible and might cause irreparable harm to the world. So rather than end the game, we statted up our characters’ children. To make things interesting, we randomized who got who. To my (at the time) mild dismay, I drew a girl, When I showed the others my slip of paper with the name “Tamora” written on it, one of my friends snorted “God, it’ll be hard to imagine you playing a princess.” And it.... stung. It hurt in a  way I’d never before experienced. My first brush with a now all-too-familiar sense of dysphoria. As if there were a part of me I’d never before examined that had its ego crushed. I don’t remember how I responded. 

Thing is, I played Tamora like a fucking champ. And no one ever made another comment about me playing a girl. I think I’d proven that I could convincingly play any role I wanted to. 

Which brings us to the second sentence. I’ve talked about this here before, a friend on an online game admitting to me that the gender of her character did not align with the one she was assigned at birth. It was both shocking and enticing. In a way its laughable now (we’ll probably get around to why) but at the time, I just sorta assumed that... I’d be able to tell? And S was...  she was as female and feminine as anyone I’d ever met. I’d never wondered for an instant. 

And those two things... those two moments. The pang of hurt, the desire to be perceived as a girl; and the sudden realization that there was a venue where that might be possible. That lead me to make the first of those life choices: creating a female character, deliberately this time, and dive into her so thoroughly that there were times where I was’t sure where she ended and I began. 

Things got a bit weird in all this. I mean, people asked me questions about myself ooc and I would answer as if I were a girl. Hell  I even gave myself a name in all that. Karen, if you can believe it. Its not the name I’m currently using. Who the fuck would name themselves Karen in 2018-19 right? 

But ultimately none of that really mattered, I’d so thoroughly compartmentalized my brain throughout all this that barely anything of my character in the Game leaked into my real life or vice versa. For all intents and purposes, “Karen” who played the game and the me who did everything else were two entirely separate people. 

And yet some of it must have seeped through because C noticed. Or at least, I’m pretty sure she did. She knew I was playing the Game, but I never talked about my character or her gender. She knew that that rp involved romantic and sexual subplots, but I never discussed them with her, nor she her own sex-rp’s with me. It was a sorta tacit polyamory with very specific confines that we’d agreed to in a purely theoretical sense some years back and then adhered to rigidly in practice while determiniedly never talking about it. 

But for all the fucked up shit, she knew me well, maybe better than anyone other than Liz has. I mean, we were a couple of woke 20-somethings in the Obama era, so lgbt issues were pretty forefront at the time. Guess they still are, we were just a lot more... hopeful about it. But she kept sending me articles about trans people. Like, human interest articles. 

There was one in specific that she got really... enthusiastic about, about this one trans-woman’s journey to self-discovery through WoW. C read part of the article to me out loud, culminating when the person in the article was confronted by her wife: “You can be a girl if you want to be”. She kinda repeated that a couple times, looking at me hard. And in retrospect, yeah, it wasn’t fucking subtle. But at the time... it was not a thing I was willing to examine. Like fuck, honestly I think there was a part of me that knew. I mean there had to be at that point, right? But I didn’t want to pursue it irl. I think I made up my mind that it would be something I’d approach the same time that I approached the poly question that was inevitably hanging over C and I at that same time: after we were married. So I just nodded and went “Huh, interesting” with a straight face as my at-the-time girlfriend all but told me that if I wanted to come out to her, she’d be okay with it. 

Never got a chance to see if she really would have been.

After we broke up, all this shit got put so far back on the back burner that... well hell, go back and read my first few posts if you have the fortitude to stand a lot of bitching. Like way more than I’m doing now. 

And I mean the funny thing was I was still playing the Game I just sorta figured that once... I got another girlfriend, that’d have to stop? That who and what I was in the game would stop mattering. Because I was monogamous right? Just like I was male and straight, and the fact that my character was none of those things meant that I’d have to put her out to pasture. So it didn’t matter that I’d been playing a lesbian ethical slut for the past five, six years, because once I was in another sanctioned cishet relationship, I’d have to put all this foolishness behind me and never speak of it to anyone ever again. 

Goddess alone knows if I even could have but I would have tried. I suspect it would have gone badly.

Instead... by almost comicallly random happenstance, I wound up with a poly girl. And after some initial winging about whether or not I wanted that, a part of my brain I’d been ignoring went, “Hey dumbfuck! You never cared when A--- slept around or when E--- was in another relationship, why should it matter to you that CR has a boyfriend?” 

And the rest of my brain took a second to process that and was like “E--- and A--- weren’t involved with me irl, only my character in the game.” 

And the first part was like “Oh yeah, smart girl, if that wasn’t a thing you wanted on some level than how come you fucking jumped into it with both feet in the game?”

And the rest of me rejoined rejoined, “I suppose you have a p--wait! smart girl?”

“Oh yeah, that’s a thing too. You probably better process that because this whole fucking thing is tied together like a goddamn giftbasket of deviancy. Good luck having anything resembling a normal life once you’re done untangling it”

And at that point there was no turning back. I’ve dragged my feet certainly, not... as much out of a sense of general reluctance as a bunch of worries about how my family (who I’m still reliant upon) will take it. But once that realization had occured there was no putting that bunny back in the box. 

Which I guess brings me to my point, if one can even say I have one. 

In a lot of ways this whole misadventure seems less like something that was always there and more like... a memetic virus that somehow burrowed into my brain, incubated for a few years and then burst forth from my skull like some horrifying amalgam of Athena and a chestburster. Like, if I had pulled a dude’s name from that hat... would literally any of this happened? If my friend hadn’t admitted that she was experimenting with gender herself would it have occurred to me to try? If I hadn’t created that first female online character, would I still think I was a man? Would I still be a man? I mean that’s the crux of all this. In the fucking Homestuck epilogue, is candyverse Roxy still a man like they are in the meatverse? Sorry, spoilers I guess. To them, the only real difference is an opportunity to prioritize their own self expression and gender identity. But Candyverse Roxy still has put thought into those things, just because of how and when they had the time to do so, she arrived at a different conclusion than he did in the other timeline. 

And yes, I know that the Meatverse is considered more cannon than the candyverse, and yes, Roxy is the only character  in the meatverse who isn’t being manipulated by Dirk’s mind meddling and therefore we can safely say that his epiphanies regarding his gender are genuine, more truthful and relevant to the character than the weirdness going on in the Candyverse. 

But... where does that leave me. Obviously we’re playing the  “what if” game on a weird scale here but, what if that series of events hadn’t occured? Would I still wind up roughly where I am, genderwise, by a different rout? Or would I have continued to labor under the false assumption that I was a dude... and would that assumption in this case even be false by any empirical standard? That’s the question that’s kept me up tonight. 

I think I can safely say that by the time I had constructed this Karen figment that it was a foregone conclusion. But.... if either of those two inciting incidents had gone differently... Ugh... I don’t know. I feel like some people would want to take my trans card away from me for even suggesting that there’s a universe out there where I’m happily continuing to think I’m a dude. Maybe there is... but ultimately it’s not relevent or true for me, because its not a thing that I can go back to now. In short: it’s simply not cannon.