#but i don't like twitter so I'll use this. I'm sorry fam

[notsosecretlyalesbian]

Lisa Ann Walter taking Elaine Hendrix as her date to the SAG Awards... what a sexuality reaffirming event

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/10/24 OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast & Crew Sightings; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Rosie Carnahan Darby; London Billboards; Mascot Jeff's Birthday; Adopt Our Crew Saturday Sillies; Fan Spotlight; Reminders! Wee John Wonday; Watch Parties; Kudoboards; Companies doing good things!; Fundraisers! Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika

Okay luvs, finally catching up. I'd love to do a much bigger appreciate day post so everyone can see all the cool stuff people posted but I'd like to get some permissions first, so I'll try to do that tomorrow or sometime this week!

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

== David Jenkins ==

David just sharing some soothing music for being parked. Src: Dj's Insta

= Rhys Darby =

Out with the fam! Rhys' Instagram Story

Rosie was kind enough to give us another shot tonight:

= Rosie Carnahan Darby =

So I'm not going to post the tweet Rosie was responding too because that twat of a human being can rot, but I would like to highlight Rosie and her badassery and constant standing up for everyone. Just a damn fine human being that one. If you want to see who and what it was in response to, please visit Rosie's Twitter Page, but CW: TERF

== London Billboards Meetups! ==

Tomorrow's the day folks! First set of Billboards are up tomorrow! SRC: Tumblr / Instagram

== Jeff's Birthday! ==

== Adopt Our Crew Saturday Sillies ==

Our lovely friends at @adoptourcrew had more Saturday Sillies for us yesterday during the appreciation event on Twitter! Just copying them over here so yall with no twitter can play :) If you do have access to twitter, please play and interact with AdoptOurCrew on Twitter! If you don't have access to Twitter, check out the puzzles here.

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Positive Content by LCWebsXOXO =

Our dear crew-mate LCWebsXOXO (you may have seen her around helping with @saveofmdcrewmates as well as all over tumblr/twitter) is starting up a youtube channel this week dedicated to positive content! Looking for something to boost your spirits? She's here to help. Feel free to check out her Tiktok and Youtube.

= Cast Cards =

More cards from @melvisik! This time two of my favorite ladies, Selenis Leyva and Kristen Johnston!

== Reminders! ==

= Wee John Wondays =

Just a reminder! Tomorrow (as far as we know at the normal time) Con O'Neil and Gypsy Taylor will be joining Kristian Nairn on Wee John Wonday! 10.30 pm GMT / 6:30pm ET / 2:30pm PT

= Watch Parties =

== Wrecked ==

There are sources being passed around. If access is an issue, DM @iamadequate1 on Twitter or Tumblr

Season 2 watch from March 11th to March 15th. 

Season 3 watch from March 18th to March 22nd. 

Times will be 10pm GMT / 5pm EST / 4pm CST / 2pm PST. Watch two episodes per day. Episodes are 21-22 minutes each. Use the following Saturday for the tags/watch if interested but not able to make this time.

Hashtags: 

#WreckedPirates

#SaveOFMD

#RhysDarbyFaction

== Deutsche Nachrichten / German News ==

Twitter-Watch-Along von Our Flag Means Death:

Streamt Staffel 2 ab dem 15. März.

Samstag, 9.3. 17:00 Folgen 1 bis 3, 

Dienstag, 12.3. 20:00 Folgen 4 & 5, 

Mittwoch, 13.3. 20:00 Folgen 6 & 7, 

Donnerstag 14.3. 20:00 Folgen 8 & 9, 

Freitag, 15.3. 17:30 Folge 10

Und anschließend bingen wir zusammen Staffel 2! 

Schaut und tweetet mit! 

Hashtag:

 OurFlagRTL

== Kudoboard Reminders! ==

= Taika =

Kudoboard Link

The board will stay up until March 12th, and we will share the link with him on March 13th. The Kudoboard is monitored prior to approval to prevent trolls from jumping in (so if you don't see your additions right away, that's why!)

== Cast & Crew Kudoboards ==

In addition-- thank you to @sharpenyersword on Twitter for setting up ALL THE KUDOBOARDS! Rhys' birthday kudoboard will close on the 20th, the rest will close on the 22nd. There are more! I missed some the first time! Sorry all!

Go send the cast and crew some love folks!

Rhys Darby's Birthday

David Jenkins

Nathan Foad

Con O'Neill

Ruibo Qian

Leslie F*cking Jones!

Matthew Maher

Vico Ortiz

Samson Kayo

Alex "Ass Tonight" Sherman!

David Fane

Kristian "Wee John Wednesdays" Nairn!

Samba "BTS and Baking King" Schutte!

Fellow OFMD Fan Crew!

== Companies Doing Good Things! ==

While not OFMD specific, it's been called out that there are some wonderful things happening in regards to moms of our trans and non-binary siblings. Penzey's Spices is creating a Mother's Day catalog featuring moms of trans and non-binary kids!

You can check out more info here if you're interested!

== Fundraisers ==

= Our Flag makes a Difference =

Getting so much closer to the goal for eSIMs and Sanity Products of Gaza Fundraiser! It's up to 71% funded! Great job everyone!

= Team Haven Belfast Update! =

Almost at 20%!

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. We're coming up on another week. It's only been a few days since Chaos Dad made the announcement, but I gotta say, it feels almost like a month. I been feeling it pretty hard, and I know so many of you have been struggling. We're all working through things in our own way, and in our own time, slowly but surely.

You really should be proud of yourselves. Look at you. Look at everything you've done in just a few days, hell in a couple months. The amount of people you've sent love to. The amount of lives you made better with a kudos/heart, or a kind word, or a message. None of us, no matter how well we know each other, know how much each of us is going through, and yet you still, throughout it all, put more love into the world. The world is such a better place with you, and your art, and your words, and your kindness, and you should be so incredibly proud of yourself. I know I'm proud of you. I know we're all so very proud of you. And you know what else? You're doing so much better than you think you are. These days especially, everything feels so much worse. Crappy things, compacting on crappy things, and then they try to take our solace away from us. But you know what? You're treading water, even if it feels like you're drowning, and sooner or later, you'll be able to swim again. Don't give up lovelies. We're all still here with you, and we're all so proud of you, and we all love you. Keep on sharing that beautiful spark of yours, it's catching, and it's making the world a much more beautifully bright place.

I hope the beginning of your week is kind to you <3 Sweet Dreams and Pleasant Days.

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Just some goofy finger action and smiles from these two. Darby Courtesy of @ofmd-ann Taika Courtesy of @parttimesarah

[silverinia]

What do you think Kurt and Diane 's signs are ?? I think Kurt is Capricorn :D but i don't know what diane is she is not a water element thats what i know :D

Oh. Oh.

I’m. So. Glad. You. Asked.

I literally cracked my knuckles before I started typing out my answer because now Diane and Kurt haven't sat at the top of my phone notes page titled "comfort characters - zodiac signs" for over a year for nothing. I'll give you what I think their big three (sun, moon and rising sign) are, explain a little about why I've chosen each of them, and finish each section with a bit of compatibility talk to round up this rant outburst shitshow thesis. (You know what, yes, I'm calling it a thesis. The amount of astrology kitchen sink psychology knowledge I have is ridiculous and will be put to... well, a use of some sort. Buckle up and enjoy!)

First up, a small disclaimer/spoiler: I don't think Kurt is a Capricorn at all. I've seen a couple of people talking about his alleged Capricorn vibes on my twitter timeline before and I cannot see it for the life of me. Capricorns are stern and ambitious, organised, striving for authority and often materialistic (they’re basically the human form of the “it’s about drive, it’s about power” song). While Kurt is hard-working, he never comes off like a workaholic, and he’s very laid back, rather spontaneous and chaotic than anal and organised. Professional success doesn’t seem to be the leading drive in his life - on the contrary: he often sacrifices it for his beliefs and the loyalty he craves to be a defining part of himself. Sorry anon, sorry Twitter fam, feel free to comment on this post and try to lay out to me why you would ever view Kurt as a Capricorn, because I'd actually love to hear an explanation for it.

I’d also like to note that we each have our own interpretation of these characters, and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be. The Good Wife/Fight is not a sitcom, it never reduces the characters’ stories to what little it depicts on-screen. Especially with Kurt, the show leaves plenty of room for interpretation. But this is my answer (btw, I’m sorry, anon, I’m sure you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into) and while this post may not make anyone’s day but mine, it’s really, really making my day so much because yes, astrology may be scientifically incorrect bs, but it’s fun scientifically incorrect bs.

So, without further ado...

Sun signs:

Sun signs explained: ego, identity, role in life, centre of your personality, what motivates and drives you, who you are learning to become

Diane: Sagittarius

Sun in Sagittarius explained: idealists; crave freedom and self-improvement, do what they believe in; aspirational, generous, impatient; travel, philosophy, longing to understand the world; existential crisis in human form

Sagittarius is all about freedom, an everlasting longing for more and avoiding things that might constrict them. Sagittariuses are most likely to be interested in travelling and philosophy, but not just for the sake of collecting experiences and engaging in pretentious conversations at social gatherings, but because they feel like their experiences and the various impressions they want to collect are a part of who they are or what they long to be, almost like they owe it to the world to try and discover as much of it as they possibly can in the time they have, and in return, to themselves to become the best possible version of themselves.

Diane is very inquisitive. Her attempts to figure out the world, to try and solve it like a puzzle, and to find out where she stands in it are a huge part of her character and her struggles. She works in an environment that doesn’t seem to fit with her idealism, almost like she’s daring her belief system to cave and crumble and make room for her personal growth. She surrounds herself with people who are vastly different from herself, driven by emotions and impulse and often times even chaos (see Will, Marissa, and of course Kurt), and for someone who really seems to define herself through her views, beliefs and idealism, she keeps challenging those constructs by confronting herself with realities and opinions that don’t seem to fit into the idea of the world she has.

Diane is aspirational. She has lots of goals in her life that keep her driven, but that are also so vastly different from each other that they would interfere with each other if they were fulfilled. We’ve seen her wish to be judge, her wish to retire in Europe, her wish to be a good lawyer, to be powerful enough to make a change in the world, her long-buried wish to be a mother. The variety of her dreams and the various lives she can imagine herself living cause her to keep reflecting herself and in turn keep her from losing herself in stagnation.

Diane’s longing for freedom and her dislike for things she thinks would sacrifice her freedom determine the possibly life-changing choices she makes, like pushing away close relationships, may they be romantic or platonic, not taking leaps, and second-guessing her trust in others. She's an idealist and often crushed by her disappointment in the world, because feeling like she is still in control of her understanding is a huge part of not only her intellect, but also of her identity. Her view of the world and the role she plays in it are the core of how she defines herself. I just think Sagittarius makes a silly amount of sense for her.

Kurt: Taurus

Sun in Taurus explained: loyal, calm, affectionate, practical, productive, stubborn, rigid, homebody, all or nothing attitude; embodiment of stability, sort of like a hardwood table personified; guided by practical knowledge and experiences; like sweatpants, food and peace and quiet

This, like pretty much all the placements I picked for Kurt, is one of the ones I expect to be the most controversial, but it just makes so much sense to me.

Taurus is practical and relies on logic, which grounds and calms them by basically tying a string to them that connects them with the physical world which kindly gives them a frame for their pursuit of stability. They can be materialistic but are often very minimalistic at the same time, able to feel comfortable with little as long as what they have gives them a sense of routine and consistency. They are great listeners and very dependable, but they also tend to be stubborn and set in their ways.

Kurt 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 such 👏🏼 a 👏🏼 Taurus 👏🏼. At the start of the show, the writers basically write out for us that he’s the most loyal person on earth. And even when that seems to change, it happens in a setting in which there’s basically no routine in his life due to Diane’s unreliability (not blaming Diane for being cheated on but this is a simple fact), almost like he loses himself as he loses what gives him his sense of security in this world (I really didn’t want to talk about the cheating storyline, but it’s fitting so nicely into the Kurt-is-a-Taurus-theory that I almost feel inclined to forgive Robert and Michelle on the spot. Almost.).

Kurt is the definition of practical. He finds out Diane is being threatened by an anonymous source, grabs a saw and a handful of wires he had lying around and builds a working security system for their front door (I mean what the actual fuck). He’s calm, like the rock in the raging waters that is Diane (this woman is a human tornado). He’s very all or nothing, up to the point where somehow every single question he asks Diane can only be answered with either “Let’s elope, flee the country and sip Piña Coladas and go skinny dipping together until we die” or “I’ll delete your contact info, forget we ever met each other and avoid ever talking to you again”. He invented being low maintenance; before he moves in with Diane, he has exactly two jackets, a pair of jeans and shoes, a sports coat, two flannel shirts, the suit he got married in, and a single hideous belt. And he has foodie vibes. I can’t explain that point, but he just does. What more could you expect from a Taurus?

(Honestly, somebody please explain the Capricorn theory to me, because I genuinely tried to see it, but all I see is a couch potato with a bowl of pasta in their lap, defined by their goodness and loyalty.)

Compatibility: Sagittarius sun x Taurus sun

If you look it up online, Sagittarius and Taurus supposedly have about the compatibility of lesbian English majors and their male Math teachers from school (haters gonna hate). But if you think about it, that actually makes a certain kind of sense. Because McHart literally makes no sense whatsoever on paper, until you’ve used said paper to write a stupidly time-consuming character study about them (but really, who in their right mind would take the time and energy to do that...), and/or have seen them fuck. Incidentally, that’s also why the pairing is always at its peak popularity in the fandom when there's regular fanfiction updates, because fanfiction was invented to cover both of those aspects.

Anyway... They’re basically laid out by the stars to be an opposites attract couple. They’re intellect, idealism and concepts vs. logic, realism and practicality. Sagittarius is at their best when they’re socialising and exploring, and they thrive on variety in their life. Taurus on the other hand is most content being at home on the couch workday after workday without their sweatpants ever starting to make them itchy. Sagittarius might start feeling bored by the dull Taurus routine and Taurus may feel overwhelmed and unsettled because of Sagittarius’ variety of interests and social-butterfly-ness. They’re the classic couple that has to put in a lot of effort and mutual understanding to find balance in a shared life, but the way they complement each other is all the more rewarding if it works well.

Diane finds variety and new experiences at work. Coming home to Kurt and the constant he brings to her life almost appears to ground her restlessness at times when it threatens to leave her feeling overwhelmed. On the other hand, she can always pick a fight with him when things start getting dull. Kurt, luckily, seems to be pretty content in most environments, as long as he has a stable job and a place to call home. Once those factors are covered, he - despite all his stubbornness - actually becomes very adaptable and even seems to enjoy the challenges Diane’s tornado personality seems to bring to his life, as long as it doesn’t touch those basic requirements (*cough* *cough* TGF season 5). God knows it has taken them ages and a lot of off-screen strategy talks (I’m just assuming those happened because it’s the only thing that puts the s2 to s3 TGF jump into place) but they’re figuring it out. It won’t ever be easy, but easy isn’t what Kurt wants, nor what Diane needs, as long as there’s stability and growth around them.

Moon signs:

Moon signs explained: rules your emotions, instincts and feelings; reflects your personality when you're alone or deeply comfortable

Diane: Scorpio

Moon in Scorpio explained: emotionally intense; crave deep connections but can be detached and obsessed with their privacy; intuitive, observant, rational, dramatic, passionate (h0rny); flirty but down to be loyal for life once committed to a partner; trust issues and fear of betrayal

I’m saying this with so much love: Diane is a piece of work. She won’t settle for anything less than someone who feels like the love of her life, but obviously in order to remain her posture, stay guarded and protect her stance as she who invented strong independent womanhood (the latter being her Sagittarius sun speaking btw), she’s going to put up walls that could tower over the Chicago skyline. Diane feels so much that she tries to battle the mazy tangle of her emotions with human kind’s stupidest response to any feeling ever: rationalisation. She just rationalises the hell out of her feelings until she can’t remember where the thought process even started, comes to either no conclusion or the most absurd one anyone could come up with (I’m being harsh. Reconciling with your husband after he’s almost split his skull hanging out of a car in some godforsaken Walmart parking lot, only to then ghost him for approximately four months is completely normal, mentally healthy behaviour).

She’s like a daydream dressed in a brick wall of nightmares. The right instincts and a craving for real, emotional bonds are all there, but she’s so painfully out of touch with anything internal but her intellect (and her Lockhussy) that she just walks the opposite way instead of letting herself be happy, may it be because she’s a clown or because she’s trying to protect herself (it’s probably both). Either way, she gives big water sign energy when it comes to the way she handles her emotions. The problematic kind (yours sincerely, a fellow water sign).

Diane is a control freak and she has trust issues for days. If those things were a currency, she still would have been able to afford the South of France house post Ponzi scheme, nay, could’ve purchased the whole of France altogether. (Remember when she had Kalinda spying on Matthew Overby to help her decide if she wanted to answer his “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” note with “yes”, “no” or “maybe”? Remember when she was upset about Kurt’s injury from the shooting range and had Marissa go through the Trump boys’ social media to search for pictures of dead zebras and giraffes, a task that literally did nothing for her except cost her about five minutes of Marissa-salary? Remember when she ripped the ointment out of his hands the episode prior? Idiot. I absolutely adore her.)

Diane is the woman who broods alone in her office in the middle of the night, nursing a glass of scotch when she's feeling down. Multiple times throughout both shows. She actually slams her head against a wardrobe one time. The slay. The pure drama. If that doesn’t give emo water sign energy, I don’t know what does.

Kurt: Aries

Moon in Aries explained: impulsive, hot-headed, determined; crave excitement, spontaneity and victory; strong emotions, sort of as though they have a raging toddler inside them who won’t stop screaming in the grocery store until their parents agree to buy them candy, but not because they're smart or manipulative, but because they just really want that candy and why shouldn't they have candy if they want some

Kurt is such an Aries moon and it’s easily my favourite thing about him. It has so much comedic value. As soon as he feels something, he completely unhinges, like a fully functioning door that suddenly just flops down to the floor with a bang that sound like someone screaming "Jesus, take the wheel". Vibing with the woman you used to date for a couple of months? Ask her to permanently move to Costa Rica with you (if she laughs at you because it’s fucking crazy, propose marriage to distract her). Cheated on your long-distance wife and feel terrible about it? Don’t tell her, instead sell all your belongings to the woman you cheated with and ask your wife to move in with you. She proposes divorce after you’ve been separated for a year? Wait out in the cold at her front door for hours until she comes home, then tell her you’re her friend (if she won’t relent, go to her office the next day and try yelling a little). Need a favour from her because she’s outspoken and you’re socially awkward? Bring her a thank-you-gift (so far so good). What kind of gift? Well, a gun, obviously.

I could go on like this for days. For someone who is super calm and practical and fairly reasonable, Kurt’s emotions turn him into a child with a temper. He feels something, he wants something, and he’s turning on the heels of his cowboy boots, determined to get it. And not even because he thinks it’s his right to get what he wants, but because he genuinely doesn’t reflect his emotions at all and therefore never even sees any reason why things could possibly not work out. And even if he did, his everlasting need for stability can easily be momentarily defied by his emotional craving for excitement. He wants to clash, he wants passion and leaps and challenge and fire, and why shouldn’t he have it? If it makes him happy, if it makes the people in his life happy, why shouldn’t they just end their separation and move back in together? If he loves her and she loves him, what is there to talk about? If he likes her and she likes him and work was a factor that used to get between them, and if the firm is stressing her out these days, why shouldn’t they elope and move to Costa Rica? Everything’s gonna be alright, what could possibly go wrong?

(Spoiler alert: You could be swatted for example.)

Compatibility: Scorpio moon x Aries moon

Kurt is very open about his emotions. If Diane upsets him, he immediately expresses his anger or pain to her. Diane on the other hand leaves a lot of her emotions open to interpretation. We’ve seen it clash, the result used to be another casual half a season with no Kurt-episodes. But if it works, it really, really works. If there’s one passionate couple in the world of fictional characters, it’s Kurt and Diane. They fight and fuck and they love each other so fiercely. Something that was a big theme in TGF’s season 3 is that Kurt seems to have found a way to get through to Diane when she tries to shut him out (something I’d like to call trust). He stays calm yet confrontational, he communicates to her that they’re a team, and Diane is learning to include him more. On the other hand, the way Diane tends to take rationality over feelings forces Kurt to find a more stable middle ground with her, which probably also gives him a little more peace than he used to have before he met her, keeping in mind how much he values stability. No, they won’t give up everything they have to move to Costa Rica together, but they will take nine months to travel the world or vacation in Italy. No, they won’t reconcile just because they love each other, but they will meet to talk and slowly start to work through their problems so they can do better for each other once they try this again. Their relationship was never all or nothing, which is Diane’s gift to Kurt. But having it all no longer has to be intimidating, which is Kurt’s gift to Diane.

The compatibility of moon signs indicates how people relate emotionally. Scorpio and Aries moons are both very emotional and passionate in two entirely different expressions. Aries is impulsive, impatient and aggressive while Scorpio internalizes and is prone to be passive-aggressive. Aries is very direct and confrontational, Scorpio holds grudges and tends to hide emotions behind the walls they put up around them. If both put a lot of effort into the relationship, the passion they share draws them to each other like magnets and can be very rewarding, but the dynamic has a tendency to lead to imbalance, with one of them putting a lot more effort into pleasing the other (I’m still convinced this is exactly what happened the countless times they tried being together pre separation. Kurt was much more emotionally available and Diane didn’t even notice how hard he was trying and how little she gave him in return, because that was just the way she always was with people. It was bound to end, and while I disapprove of the way it happened, it’s also completely understandable why he was the one to break).

Both signs like to be in charge, Aries liking the leadership and Scorpio seeking out the feeling of always being in control (a point that we’ve rarely seen leading to any trouble between them because one thing they’ve done right from the very beginning is that they’re very equal in their relationship and always staying at eye level. They have endless amounts of respect for each other and neither of them seems to try to dominate the relationship). Aries emotions are generally more superficial, like outbursts, while Scorpio is very deep. It’s overall a very challenging pairing that doesn’t usually last very long due to too many differences, but if it works long term, it’ll be all the more passionate and emotional.

(Well... that and the gun.)

Rising signs:

Rising signs explained: the mask you present to people and the way you protect yourself; personal style, first impressions, and experiences needed to make your life meaningful

Diane: Virgo

Virgo rising explained: appear organised, put together and reliable; composed and intellectual aura; can be intimidating due to their perfectionist vibes; communicative and curious; often the ones sought out by their loved ones for advice; care deeply for other people

Diane’s rising sign is basically what we see of her in The Good Wife, sans her interactions with Kurt and a couple of moments with Will and Kalinda, because they’re basically the only people that made her take down her guards in that show and because its psychological focus was so rarely on her.

Diane is regal. She’s classy, has a no-bullshit attitude and she very much gives off “that one teacher that’s everyone’s maternal figure” vibes. She’s the one you respect, because she holds herself in that certain way that just seems so in control, so well put together and smart. She’s the person you meet and instantly want to impress and your worst nightmare suddenly becomes disappointing her or letting her down. She’s also much less distant and impersonal than she lets on.

I think Diane is one of those people who still are very much defined by their rising sign, even though most of the time, rising signs become less important the older and more mature you get, because her Virgo traits are not a simple self-discovery-arch of her story, but basically her coping mechanism and safety net. And I think that actually makes a lot of sense. Her mask is what people have always expected, even relied on for her to be (organised, communicative and caring, like her mother probably wanted, and focused, intellectual, academic and perfectionist traits her father laid out for her), and therefore, what she herself expects to be. The firm runs best when she’s there to solve everyone’s messes. Her Virgo mask is what keeps shit running, and when she’s in doubt, she pulls it on because the validation she’s always gotten for it must be linked to a huge boost of self-assurance, the absence of it in turn linked to chaos and disappointment. Diane’s rising sign is everything she has to protect herself, but - thinking of her Sagittarius sun - it’s also what tightly limits her room for the personal growth she craves so much, which is probably why she’s losing it around the people she trusts and loves enough to define them as a real part of her personal life, and in circumstances where she feels like her understanding of the world is slipping out of her hands (which is super interesting, because while I don’t necessarily think that she always makes the best decisions when her guards are down, there’s a lot of bravery behind it that I think most people don’t really appreciate. She puts her guard up when she feels like she’s losing control, but when she’s at her most vulnerable, she lets it down because she knows she has to in order to put it into place and grow on it).

I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but I also think Virgo rising for Diane is the least controversial take of this post, so I guess it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Kurt: Cancer

Cancer rising explained: often described as “traditional” or “nurturing”; like routine and value their homelife, and with it their personal space and the people they allow inside; hard exterior, more sensitive than they appear to be

Cancer is the perfect choice for Kurt’s rising sign, because he just has so many cliché Cancer traits. Kurt lives and breathes tradition (I don’t want to talk about his politics in this post so this is as far as it’s going to get), and sometimes even tends to value them just because things have always been the way they are, not because they have any kind of emotional value to him. Speaking of emotions, Kurt is a perfect example for someone who seems all no-nonsense and practical (which he is, but:), until he goes on a date with you and pep-talks you through a full daddy-issues-infused identity crisis. I don’t have any evidence to back this up, but I think that because he’s so much more observant than communicative, he’s really good at reading the room, which is the kind of sensitivity I absolutely would link to a Cancer rising.

Long story short: Kurt has soft dad vibes and there’s no better astrology placement to express that than Cancer rising.

Compatibility: Virgo rising x Cancer rising

Again, because we know so little about Kurt, I have no factual evidence to back this up, but I was always convinced that Kurt has or at least had a very close bond to his family, while Diane’s upbringing has been much colder. The first and pretty much only two times she mentions her parents at all in the span of twelve seasons are when her idolisation of her father is crushed when she finds out how he betrayed one of his best friends and then proceeds to propose to Kurt (50% lovesick clownery, 50% spiting her dead dad, we gotta stan), and when she drunkenly tells Alicia that she was a disappointment to her mother. That’s a whole lot to unpack, but in my opinion, it’s enough to assume that Diane didn’t really grow up having a lovey dovey family dynamic that accepted her for who she wanted to be rather than what was expected of her, which I’m guessing Kurt did, because it’s the only thing that would explain anyone’s obsession with traditions and old ways to me. Someone who grew up without a stereotypical, heteronormative “America’s sweethearts” style family dynamic and still turned out okay cannot have had a bad relationship with their stereotypical, heteronormative family, right?

The compatibility of rising signs indicates how people get on socially. Virgo risings often come off as reserved and distant, while Cancer risings seem warm. Cancer risings really value their close relationships with friends and family and are the kind of people who tend to have a smaller number of people in their lives that are very very close to them, rather than a Virgo rising, who often has numerally more people around them, while their bonds with them often aren’t unconditional.

Anyway, I like this for Diane. I think it’s really good for her to have someone who brings that kind of warmth into her life, someone who gives her the unconditional love and affection, the safety net a family should have given her, even though the two of them make quite the non-traditional family. And it’s good for Kurt to have Diane because she gets him to leave the house and try some pasta salad recipes every now and then that haven’t been in his family for 376 years, but she also agrees to leave soon when the introvert wants to go back home. Remember that scene? I just love that scene.

---

Sooo, this was very long and I don’t have a real conclusion other than I love and miss McHart. Thank you to everyone who read this till the end, because while astrology is very much bs, this is also my bs and I did spend a ridiculous amount of time on it when I should have used it on my criminal law paper. Hope you all enjoyed this, and let me know what you think!

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you're gonna have to go without me & my pom poms 💔💔 Janis: what, why? Jimmy: got detention Jimmy: & I've already checked the windows, like Jimmy: no escape Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Un🍀 babe Janis: leave you alone for five minutes Janis: what you do this time then? Jimmy: I didn't even do nowt Jimmy: barely said a word to this dickhead in tech who was proper giving it to me 🙄 Jimmy: should've just smacked him if I was ending up here anyway Janis: ugh Janis: bet he ain't going detention with you either Janis: teachers are cunts Jimmy: nah they didn't even hand him one out Jimmy: like fuck am I just gonna let him chat shit about us for the full lesson Jimmy: but now Janis: it's alright Janis: mean, obvious waste of your time Jimmy: I'm gonna knock him out when I next see him Janis: fair enough, I'd say Janis: I'll watch 👍 Jimmy: front row seat to make up for the one I'm missing, yeah Jimmy: you're still gonna win for me though Janis: 'course I am Janis: can't make promises for the rest of the team, though sure they'll try their best for you 😍 Janis: other School is pretty shit tbh so Jimmy: 👍 'cause I'm still taking for drinks later too Jimmy: & I'd rather you not have to drown your sorrows, pisshead Jimmy: sort them other girls out & make 🥇 happen, babe Janis: 💪 nothing but victory drinks, swear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 💕 Janis: stay alive Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: got my phone back Janis: you seen it then Jimmy: been @ed by half the school Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah, been reporting the comments but it don't do shit, especially when it ain't even my post so Janis: are you Jimmy: don't worry, he's gonna take it down Janis: nothing even happened Janis: I swear Janis: he's just pissed off 'cos I said it ain't gonna again Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: it's about what's happening next Jimmy: & I'm sorting that right now Janis: it matters to me that you hear the truth from me and believe it Janis: 'cos what he's saying, and everyone else now, is bullshit Jimmy: I know that he's the lad that gave you a lift & you didn't fuck him so Jimmy: whatever happened before ain't my business Jimmy: & nowt happened today either whatever he says Janis: it really didn't Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: 'course you wouldn't Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's not but Jimmy: I'm just saying I believe you Janis: Thank fuck Janis: I felt like I was going to vom Janis: I know Mia talked to you, she took great delight in letting me know Jimmy: Less chat more shoving screenshots of his snaps at me Jimmy: so likewise Janis: he's just a prick Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: & she's just having fun pretending that you & him have been fucking behind my back this whole time Jimmy: didn't bother telling her I've been there & I'd know, not very #goals Janis: I'm sorry Janis: this bullshit Janis: they wouldn't do it to you if you weren't with me Jimmy: why, you ain't done nowt Jimmy: & I am with you Jimmy: I wanna be Jimmy: they can't do shit to change it Janis: I like you too much to put you through this shit Janis: it's so Janis: stupid Jimmy: you ain't the one being stupid Jimmy: or putting me through it Janis: yeah but Janis: I don't know Janis: just hate it Janis: them Jimmy: I know Jimmy: but he'll be one less dickhead to worry about in a sec Jimmy: I promise Janis: what you mean Janis: he's not going to delete it Janis: already asked Jimmy: yeah he is Jimmy: I'm not asking Jimmy: I'm just about to make him Janis: where are you Jimmy: If I let you know that you'll show up Jimmy: it's better if you don't, alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm not gonna stop you but don't do anything stupid on my account alright Jimmy: I ain't the one who's being stupid either Jimmy: It's okay Jimmy: not my first time knocking out this exact type of dickhead Jimmy: like I said, my ex actually was fucking around on me so Janis: that's shit Jimmy: it weren't any more fun for her Jimmy: not really Jimmy: she was messed up, is still probably Janis: still Jimmy: it don't matter Jimmy: that's not this Janis: I know but everyone else is convinced so may as well be Jimmy: Nah, I ain't so it's not even close Jimmy: only thing similar is lads chatted shit on her too, never did find out how many she really got with out of the loads who said Janis: anything to boost their own rep Jimmy: it was the ones who weren't saying owt that I had to properly watch Jimmy: they just did it & left me to walk in Jimmy: literally in some cases Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he's here Janis: don't get hurt okay Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: leave that for him Janis: obviously Janis: I don't give a fuck about him though Jimmy: makes two of us Jimmy: [a fight later] Jimmy: post's gone Janis: will you tell me where you are now Jimmy: tell me where you are & I'll come meet you Jimmy: not gonna hang round the scene of the crime, am I? Janis: I'm at my nan and granddad's Janis: could hardly go out and about town and fuck being home when she's gonna be there Janis: take this bus [#] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: be there as soon as Janis: don't worry, neither of 'em is in rn Jimmy: I weren't but Jimmy: alright Janis: just mean, not gonna make you talk to my entire fam Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: I don't care who I've gotta talk to right now Jimmy: I just wanna see you Janis: they don't live as middle of nowhere Jimmy: thank fuck Janis: I know Janis: not to be that bitch but you didn't answer my question Jimmy: what Janis: are you okay? Jimmy: are you? Janis: better when I see you Jimmy: I feel that Janis: Okay Janis: are you gonna bleed on me again though or Jimmy: nah Jimmy: you're safe Janis: I'm Janis: I know it'll get old if I keep saying the S word so I won't but Janis: I wish it didn't drag up all that stuff with your ex for you Jimmy: none of that is important Jimmy: just you Janis: you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: that won't get old if I keep saying it, will it? Janis: no Janis: I love you too so I never get tired of hearing it Jimmy: good Jimmy: 'cause you know I can't stop when I've started Janis: yeah Janis: one of the things I like about you Jimmy: even if it has fucked the 🚭 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: you promised you'll stay Janis: and you're already dead yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 👻 lad me Janis: so you can't go nowhere anyway Janis: soz ginger trying to save your soul, too late Jimmy: & I can't get hurt either Jimmy: so if any other dickheads need fighting, it's no #drama Janis: not planning to make it a thing Janis: not that I planned this Jimmy: I get it, a weekly brawl would have me too 💪 & you don't need the competition Jimmy: not planning to become an athlete though you're alright Janis: you're an idiot Janis: a lovable one but Jimmy: an idiot for getting detention Jimmy: he couldn't have pulled that shit if I were there Janis: not like you planned on being too cool for school either Janis: give out detentions for their own amusement, sadists Jimmy: always too 😎 me Jimmy: for school or anywhere Janis: gift and a curse yeah babe Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: this bus actually run or what? Jimmy: I've been stood here ages Janis: yeah, last I checked Janis: if I knew where you were I could come to you Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: you know everyone'll be talking about it tomorrow Jimmy: let them tell you Janis: Probably shouldn't come to School Janis: reckon I'm gonna get stoned Janis: not in the chill way Jimmy: the teachers are fucking useless yeah but I ain't letting nowt happen to you Jimmy: or letting anyone think this is more than just bollocks Janis: they'll think what they wanna, and they really wanna Janis: idc Jimmy: like I told you, I'll fight whichever dickheads need to be told Jimmy: I don't care Janis: can't fight girls though can ya Jimmy: I don't need to Jimmy: you can Jimmy: or however else you wanna sort it Janis: yeah Janis: fuck knows Janis: I don't wanna have to always deal with this Janis: the lads just think I'm a slag so they can get some, whatever, makes sense Janis: they're just cunty 'cos they wanna, like alright but why bother Jimmy: I've said it before Jimmy: they're jealous Jimmy: you're hotter than them Jimmy: & good at shit 'cause you're SUCH an athlete as I'm always also saying Janis: that's so fucking stupid Janis: focus on yourselves ladies, might get something done Jimmy: tweet it girl Janis: 😂 Janis: keeping well away from social media rn tah Jimmy: 💔 but you're my muse Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no one's stopping you from being 👑 of twitter etc Janis: @ me though, can't handle another blatant subtweet or indirect Jimmy: 👌 fine Janis: what Janis: you reckon I should come running to my own defence Jimmy: I don't reckon owt Jimmy: it ain't happening to me Janis: well Janis: bit Jimmy: nah I'm the #victim if I'm in this Jimmy: my DMs are full of girls offering a shoulder to cry or cum on Janis: that's disgusting Janis: truly Janis: gonna miss your way with words Janis: but that's what I get Jimmy: you should see some of the pics I've been sent Jimmy: disgusting them Janis: no thank you Janis: not actually my thing Jimmy: I weren't asked if any of this was my thing Jimmy: but fine, I'll take one for the team Janis: I know, I know Janis: it's gross Janis: pretty bold of him to do this when I've got the dick pics, like Janis: guess enough peeps have 👀 or he's that full of himself Jimmy: probably hoping you'll show 'em about & the girls'll swoon Jimmy: dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: wouldn't put it past them so nah Janis: burn my phone, burn my retinas, like Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: assume Mia is licking his wounds for him as we speak Jimmy: I hurt him enough, maybe she'll actually swallow him Janis: 🙏🤞 Jimmy: who the fuck is he Jimmy: why does he think he can be this much of a bellend Janis: idk Janis: he's fit and such an athlete, obvs everyone loves him Janis: good match Jimmy: he ain't fit & I beat the shit out of him so how much of an athlete is he Janis: well you know what I mean Janis: stereotypical jock pretending his life is an american teen drama or a really low rent porn Janis: idk, the fact he was such a dickhead worked at the time Jimmy: it's your type, don't have to tell me Janis: fuck off Janis: no it ain't Jimmy: he is, I am Jimmy: that's two for two Jimmy: unless you've been hanging round with some right nerds Janis: you ain't my type either Janis: people don't actually have types do they Jimmy: you tried to tell me I do as soon as I met you Janis: yeah and look where you've ended up Janis: types are for when you wanna play it safe and be disappointed Janis: know what you're getting, even if it's a steaming pile of 💩 Jimmy: you don't have to sell me on how wrong you were, girl Jimmy: I told you back then Janis: I wasn't wrong Jimmy: you said I have a type, I don't Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: 👌 Jimmy: nah, come on Jimmy: what are you calling it Janis: you have a type but you got 🍀 Janis: obviously Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: jk Janis: very unlucky Janis: 'part from the bathroom fuck, worst girlfriend ever Jimmy: apart from every fuck Jimmy: get it right Janis: please tweet that final review Janis: not all bad Jimmy: alright Jimmy: hang on Janis: erm wait until you've dumped me, dickhead Janis: and wait 'til this scandal has blown over 'fore that or they'll have it #confirmed Jimmy: you don't reckon I'm gonna have more to say after I've been fucking you forever Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: thought I had a way with words Janis: you do Janis: that was beautiful baby Janis: please fuck me forever 💕 Jimmy: I already promised Jimmy: not gonna break it & your 💔 Janis: tah 👍 Janis: you are on the bus now though on the real Jimmy: it did show up yeah Janis: coulda told me Janis: rude Jimmy: didn't realise you needed a warning Jimmy: do you wanna countdown or what Janis: shut up Janis: too soon to be making jokes about needing time to see the last out the door Jimmy: so funny you Janis: I said it's too soon Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be my friend Jimmy: I don't wanna Jimmy: stop friendzoning me Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: okay be my boyfriend then Jimmy: I am Jimmy: who do you think you're chatting to right now Jimmy: might have the wrong convo, girl Janis: think I'd be better at this Janis: honestly Janis: rookie errors these Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't have to kick you when you're down Jimmy: embarrassing really Janis: I'll do better next time babe Janis: promise Jimmy: yeah sort it out Janis: hey, you're hot, wanna help me cheat on my boyfriend Jimmy: not that kind of boy Jimmy: but you'll find loads of takers so don't be 💔 Janis: am a bit Jimmy: you're 💔 or you're calling me a bit of a slag Jimmy: either way, gutted Janis: I've called you a slag many a time Janis: not gonna half-arse it now Jimmy: & I've been gutted every time Jimmy: but tah for letting me know what you meant Janis: you know it's just guilt projection Janis: shameless, really Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: well that's your rep now, may as well Janis: cheers Janis: probs shit the bed a bit with him but like you said, loads of takers Jimmy: chin up, Jillian Jimmy: you've got that paddy 🍀 on your side Janis: such a charmer Jimmy: what you like about me Janis: you want a list or you just stating facts Jimmy: it's a fact Jimmy: don't wear yourself out with the list Jimmy: bet you've got loads of DMs to get through & fire sexts to write Janis: naturally Janis: I don't even know who some of these people are though Jimmy: I'd offer my services but I ain't written one for a lad before Jimmy: Barry ain't that tech savvy Jimmy: give him a ring or nowt Janis: boys are easy Janis: very visual Janis: your talent would be wasted, tbh Jimmy: that's tanked my get rich quick scheme Janis: 😕 Janis: soz Janis: start charging for your nudes instead of giving 'em away, probs Jimmy: I'll just charge every girl in my inbox for a reply Jimmy: be alright Janis: not me though Janis: mates rates right Jimmy: I'm charging you double every time you friendzone me, mate Janis: Baby Jimmy: triple when you really 💔 me Janis: when have I ever Janis: babe Jimmy: you want a list Jimmy: 'cause the bus ain't got that many more stops so tell me now Janis: that is so mean Janis: 💔 Jimmy: baby Janis: I'm too headfucked rn for your shennanigans Janis: just be here Jimmy: I really miss you Jimmy: so much Janis: I miss you more Janis: definitely Jimmy: you can't say that Janis: but I do Jimmy: you can't feel how much I miss you Janis: I wish I could Janis: I need to know that you're okay and you really do believe me Jimmy: when I get there I'll do my best Jimmy: but it's never Jimmy: all of it Jimmy: I wish I could show you that Janis: we got time Janis: right Jimmy: depends Jimmy: can we stay at your nan & granddads for a bit Janis: yeah Jimmy: then yeah Janis: I love you, you know Jimmy: I do Jimmy: & I do too Janis: no one else matters Janis: just you and me Jimmy: you're all I give a fuck about Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: can we go somewhere Jimmy: where Janis: anywhere Janis: it doesn't have to be now, if you can't but Jimmy: I'd go anywhere with you Jimmy: any time you want Janis: I don't want us to forget Janis: that none of them, and their shit, matters Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: & I won't let you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I fucking need you, Jim Jimmy: I need you more Jimmy: like actually Janis: I Janis: it hurts Janis: when you aren't here Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me too Jimmy: but there's nowt keeping me away from you now Jimmy: soon as I'm off this bus we're together Jimmy: that's it Janis: nothing or no one getting in our way yeah Jimmy: I swear Janis: Good Janis: you're mine okay Jimmy: it's okay with me, yeah Janis: good Jimmy: meet me off here Jimmy: I have to see you Jimmy: I just Janis: coming Janis: let me just settle this dog, 5 minutes max Jimmy: like one 🐶💕 weren't enough Jimmy: but go on Janis: this one makes Twix look like an 😇 Janis: gonna be so glad to see her, you are Jimmy: you better make sure you see her Jimmy: that's the cheating you've really done Janis: don't think I can look her in her puppydog eyes tbh Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: for her though not you Jimmy: you know what you did Janis: 😭 Janis: I had nowhere else to go Jimmy: save it for her, babe Jimmy: I don't need your excuses Janis: you know you wanna put in a good word for me, come on Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: if only to get her off my case Jimmy: I ain't nobody's rebound tah Janis: gotta have standards Janis: respect that Jimmy: & I told you that early on Jimmy: bit late to go back on it now Janis: you did? Janis: well it stands up Jimmy: you've forgotten? Jimmy: which one of us might have gotten smacked in the head today Jimmy: get it together, like Janis: soz I ain't memorized everything you've said Janis: only pretending to be that highkey Jimmy: crack on with it Jimmy: you've got time, nerd Janis: you gonna stop chatting so much shit or? Janis: making my life hard Jimmy: make me Janis: I am omw Jimmy: be faster Jimmy: are you even an athlete or what Jimmy: if you ain't running to me so we can film it in slo-mo it ain't #goals my love Janis: you know I just won a 🏀 before being forced on a walk of shame Janis: I'm knackered Jimmy: shit I never even asked Jimmy: sorry Janis: you're alright, safe to say no one gave much of a shit before something more #drama happened Jimmy: I did though Jimmy: I do Janis: thanks Janis: you're a good WAG Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😘 Jimmy: 😒 Jimmy: it's weird enough that you play for any school teams, don't call me a WAG too Janis: gets you out of lessons sometimes Janis: you know you wanna Jimmy: gutted I'm too 😎 Jimmy: 'cause yeah Janis: you ain't too cool to be with me Jimmy: but seriously, what team are they letting me on Jimmy: #troublemaker me Janis: sure they'll reckon it's good discipline for you then 😏 Jimmy: 🙄 'course Janis: come on Janis: I wanna see the short shorts Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: say please & maybe Janis: I'll say it when you get here Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: but only 'cause I wanna see you so bad Janis: Good Janis: I miss you Jimmy: just Jimmy: you be here Jimmy: I Janis: thanks Janis: for being you and not Janis: believing Jimmy: what else was I gonna do? Jimmy: you're the only one I like Janis: you could've though Janis: like, convincing, give him that Jimmy: if I was gonna be like that I might as well just fuck off now Jimmy: I mean it, all of this, it's the only thing I've got Jimmy: or want Jimmy: & we're a team whether the school lets me join in or not Janis: me too Janis: promise Jimmy: if you say nowt happened then it didn't Jimmy: that's all the convincing I need Jimmy: you don't lie to me Janis: I don't Janis: and why would I Janis: I didn't feel anything when we did do stuff so Janis: pointless now Jimmy: I remember Jimmy: you said Janis: I thought that's how it was Janis: just overhyped Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: even if now I've met you I don't reckon it was hyped up enough Janis: you're Janis: why are you so nice to me Jimmy: I told you, you're nice to me Jimmy: then I'm nice back Jimmy: it's a deal Janis: I'll be nicer Jimmy: how Jimmy: you're so Janis: again Janis: I'll show you Janis: 'cos I see you now Jimmy: yeah? Janis: mhmm Janis: have you forgotten what I look like Jimmy: he didn't hit me that hard Janis: Baby Jimmy: I'm okay Jimmy: I promise Janis: I'll check Janis: 'cos I'll kill him if he has Jimmy: 🤞 he's already 💀 Jimmy: I hit him hard so Janis: he earnt it Jimmy: I don't care about him Jimmy: it's for you Janis: me either Janis: just you Janis: did it make you feel better Jimmy: a bit Janis: yeah Janis: people bullshit when they say it won't Jimmy: I only wish I could have fucked him up worse for what he did Jimmy: & what he's like Janis: don't worry, his ego is 💀 if nothing else Janis: already 😷 'cos I turned him down Jimmy: that makes me feel loads better Janis: seriously Janis: it was pretty funny 'til it weren't Janis: 😢 like Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: how could I not Jimmy: that's real #goals Janis: wish you coulda been there Janis: coulda showed him why I don't want him Jimmy: me too Jimmy: it's not just him though, you don't want anyone else, do you? Janis: no one Janis: you know it's just you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: good Jimmy: come here then Janis: ['scuse them the most intense hello ever] Jimmy: [literally would & do need several moments] Janis: [can tell she's been in a state] Jimmy: [just all the reassuring touches in the world like he would not stop even when they are trying to walk again or whatever] Jimmy: [says 'afternoon' and smiles casually but is looking at her like & like I said just touching always] Janis: [blinking 'cos her eyes are stinging 'cos a bitch don't cry but she really thought y'all had fucked this up for them] Janis: ['hey'] Jimmy: [a boy sees & knows but he's keeping it chill for her] Jimmy: ['alright?'] Janis: [nods] Janis: ['now you're here'] Jimmy: [so many kisses basically wherever he can cos he can't stop himself like some are soft and some aren't cos all the feelings bitch] Janis: [holding onto him so tight and all the ilys] Jimmy: [likewise holding onto her like they about to drown like sorry everyone else about but not cos he would not be able to stop rn] Janis: [let's get you inside lads cheers for the empty grandparents] Jimmy: [more of the same when they're in lbr] Janis: [is checking his over like she said she would but is clearly fine suck it harry] Jimmy: [literally still can't stop touching her either even though low key would get in the way of what she's trying to do] Janis: [is loling but not trying to stop him 'cos never] Jimmy: [more kisses cos it ends them when the other one laughs] Janis: [softness bitch, getting him to the sofa 'cos she just wants to hold/be held for a hot sec] Jimmy: [give them a while with all those much needed snuggles] Janis: ['you're so important'] Jimmy: ['you are'] Janis: [let's self have sneaky cry 'cos overwhelmed as hell] Jimmy: [isn't gonna make a big deal of it even if he knows so just more of the same softness & being comforting & loving like] Janis: [laying on his chest listening to his heart] Jimmy: [playing with her hair from now until forever bye] Janis: ['it's fast'] Jimmy: [nods 'I told you, I had to see you. Needed to.'] Janis: [puts his hand on her chest, 'same', cos truly] Jimmy: [imagine what the fuck his breathing would have been like too omg] Janis: [let them just be so they can just calm] Jimmy: [later, he gets up to get them both a drink not alcohol let's not be wild, it'd be cute cos he don't know where anything is but still wanna do it for her] Janis: if you just wanted to look through the cupboards, that's alright Jimmy: just seeing if they got any posh silver I can have away Jimmy: life of crime starts here Janis: by the time the inheritance is split between us all I won't get much so Janis: go for your life, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [brings her a beverage probably tea actually cos that's what english people do] Janis: ['tah'] Jimmy: [goes back to snuggling like he never left] Janis: 'you're the best boyfriend'] Jimmy: ['you're the best muse. Very inspiring.'] Janis: ['what are you thinking right now?'] Jimmy: [kisses her cos he's thinking about how much he loves her/how happy he is this isn't fucked up etc but how to say] Janis: [smiles] Janis: works for me Jimmy: [kisses her again cos the smile] Janis: are you coming back to mine tonight Jimmy: yeah Janis: [bigger smile] Jimmy: [just 😍 at her] Janis: nothing's ever gonna fuck this Jimmy: works for me Jimmy: [smiles back] Janis: promise Jimmy: are you promising or asking me if I do Janis: both Jimmy: well I do Jimmy: [sips tea but not in a shady way lol] Janis: good Janis: 'cos I like you Jimmy: I love you Janis: [pouncing for kiss be careful of the tea] Jimmy: [cue make out session they both need & deserve] Janis: we can stay home tomorrow can't we Jimmy: we can do whatever you want Janis: I don't care if people reckon I'm running or being a pussy Janis: don't wanna be there Janis: just wanna be with you Jimmy: I don't give a shit about anything but you having what you want Janis: you Jimmy: [just pulling her into her lap for cuddles like] Janis: everything is alright when you're with me Jimmy: then everything's alright Jimmy: I ain't going nowhere Janis: me either Janis: [snuggles further in to prove point] Jimmy: [keeping them like that lowkey forever]

[wedadatef]

badassصلب، قوي Yea its you One and only Trademark yourself before someone steals you نعم لكنت واحدة والعلامات التجارية نفسك فقط قبل شخص يسرق لك hi!! how are you? good cool what's up? every thing is fine oh cool tell me what happened with you last time? ??? what? you said you will tell me tomorrow sorry i was updateing on twitter just forget it oh! it's okay so tell me againnnn tell u what just over it i don't know what are you talking about tell me why are you reacting that too narrow last time ?? when i asked you.you said you will tell me tomorrow i told you accept me like that u don't like it just scape this chat   you know you're the most innocent girl i know thats why i am talking to you too freely please don't hate haha i don't u force me to hate when i said just forget it just do it no we had a nice chat last time did i begged you for pictures?? did i forced you to do such forbidden things ? i just a want an open minded friend عليا و عليكي حياتي sorry send it wrong okay but please anwser me did i begged you for pictures?did i forced you to do such forbidden things ? i just a want an open minded friend a one female friend who can share everything with me and i can share everything with her that's it we can be friends then? talk all time about sadness and happiest everything but not about your bra size or talking from that u understanding me orr will you be in flirtationship with me?? More than best friend and less than relationship it will be fun nope no issues just share your feeling and thaughts with me and i will share mine with you what the point ? what's problem in that?? the point is you can tell me about your desires and your wishes and i will share mine with you okay ?? lol nuh no just said yes then i will ask you a question that you have to answer i don't how would you react if i asked that question you will think that i am illiterate or get dropped from college or a man with illness but it's very interesting question and think that muslim community has it's answer ????! answer me muslim community yeah you're muslim i know what do you mean about muslim community just said yes yes i am i just do get what u said okay ask me do you believe in spirit and super natural things? or paranormal stuff? yes u don't i believe in black magic too same.. i believe it but some people call me i am just faggot are u a muslim too no i belongs to Christianity what the f*** ??? what?? ok brother we are one muslim or Christian religion does not matter okay but why did you said What The Fuck ?? is there any problem talking to Christians?? What relationship between believed in ghosts and faggot no i called u a bro u think it's a broplem they think i am idiot no u don't no when i said i belongs to Christianity then you said WHAT THE FUCK i am asking you that is there any problem with me ? believe in spirit and super natural things? or paranormal Stov I think the spirits and the supernatural found in the Bible and the Qur'an because i am Christian no no no no no i have many friends even i love justin bieber sooooooooooooooo much and selena gomez and they are Christian yeah but now days humans think that science is god is it wrong okay k i don't like it when you said what the fuck okay have you ever heard of these things? about spirit and super natural things? اسم شبح ghost, shadow, bogey, sprite, phantom, apparition روح spirit, soul, life, essence, psyche, ghost خيال imagination, fantasy, fiction, silhouette, shadow, ghost طيف spectrum, shadow, ghost, vision, phantom, shade ظل shadow, shade, umbrage, umbra, ghost روح شريرة evil spirit, poltergeist, ghost, ghoul زور ghost, spectrum yep yes tell me About it my brother see 3 ghost You received a photo! Click and hold to viewreally?? when tell me from the beginning A deserted place for a long time was a mill for wheat just that yep yes tell me About it my brother see 3 ghost You received a photo! Click and hold to viewreally?? when tell me from the beginning A deserted place for a long time was a mill for wheat just that and? when did they see ghosts? Message failed to send: that what he said that what he said last year in march oh cool what are ghost doing? nothing just show off and disappears can i ask why did you ask me that? Coz you're muslim just that cuz i'm muslim yeah u didn't know whay?? There is a program on the radio about the true horror and the ring was inhabited for hotels, hotel inhabited all located in America, Canada, Italy You received a photo! Click and hold to view Mar 14, 2017, 11:16 PM i know that show are u arab for god sake no i am not an Arabic Guy hahahahahahhahaa cuz u say i know it i know that show not arabic that's an arab show on the radio no i think i watch other one then Ghost Hunters i watch that show and that's not even in arabic language https://youtu.be/1iZ5T8a4JGQ i know   Mar 14, 2017, 11:26 PM then?? why did you told me i am arabic? i feel oor u older man idk i'm not even usually awake by then by the way why u wake ? well idk couldnt sleep was feeling idk i I used to wake early from college then i wake up now what time is early for you? 5 am all the week i wake up at 5am WOW yes im travel to coolege and go home how long does it take to go to college? 2hour omg yeaah wow you are dedicated my name wedad nice talking to you Wedad! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT8F4TbX2t4 everything is possible ...but true love is impossible Hi Looking for a decent female for a friendly conversation Let's have a chat Clean chat only...! Can't even stand my own attitude sometimes, another person's is impossible! so please keep it simple... 15 مارس 01:28 ص What do you do?? I am a doctor i'm a student 4our year agriculture and biology college You live in Egypt? Good May i look at you? y? Maybe we can good friends Photo opened!it that debented on a pic? Nop or? Just wanted to see arab people You people look more cute aha good answer but not convince me I don't want to convince you so Why I convince you? I am not going to propose you send ur pic who told you i will agree if you going to propose me I know your response ? That's why I am not proposing lol ok send ur pic Photo expired Mar 14, 2017, 11:59 PM What are you doing now? Mar 15, 2017, 12:02 AM nothing How many members are in your family? You have boyfriend? nope 5 Why you don't have boyfriend? You look cute when i have a boyfriend he will be my husband not just a boyfriend That's good YUP You have fb?? We can chat there? no Thanx i have to go right now Going Where? we can talk later at night if u still online So late When you will be back baby? After how much time Mar 15, 2017, 1:01 AM ???? i am not an older man Mar 15, 2017, 12:46 AM hey!! Mar 15, 2017, 1:26 AM HII AGAIN hahaha so tell me more about ghosts i just believe it i don't know much to tell you ok tell me about yourself and your family my name wedad Wedad? ok have 5 members in my family what does that mean? yes it's my name if u wonder about meaning it's about love eachother and be kind and frieandly my baba passed by since 2012   that name is matched to your personality that my name meaning cool awww that's so bad RIP your Dad yes it so hard to lose most person u love most hardest if he is your father yeah it is i am so sorry and how many sisters do you have? 3 cool hey u ask me u didn't say anything about you i am only one in my fam mom dad have three cousin Kenita Raphile Kristen My real name David Johnesburg Love's to dance hate violence flirticious but good from heart 1m what? wait i'll be back oh okay back so did you read my bio? darkkness don't be afraid? haha yeah i was the most daring guy in college once i saved poor older guy from thugs got broke my ankle and get deep cut Wrist nearly half of my veins get ripped a man return from darkest nightmare you know i wanna be a muslim guy like hashashins heros from 1300 century i'm soo sorry wait i'll be back again okay hashashins؟ i can't read it yeah what is mean u such a hero save a man from bad things they are the ones who work in the dark to serve the light hahaha i want everyone to be happy and want to be there hero good are u here in this app all time online every time so that if i get died on one day my relatives and the ones who knows me wil tell everyone how they know me no just enjoying holidays after exams i wonder if i wanna talk to u again so where i can find you on chatous u can't be online again i will be u just said just enjoying holidays after exams ok give me your WhatsApp i don't have oh!! i will be there at this time daily i even don't have a phone mine was stolen last monday i told ya before give me your number oh yeah you told me once actually there is restriction ؟ for giving our phone number to other Muslim citizens sorry تناقض contradiction, conflict, discrepancy, inconsistency, ambivalence, opposition تكذيب denial, contradiction إنكار denial, negation, renunciation, refusal, disavowal, contradiction التناقض الكامل contradiction, polarity كلام مناقض لنفسه contradiction that rule was passed by that fucking idiot trump even in canada i don't know why the fuck this happens You received a photo! Click and hold to view Mar 14, 2017, 9:12 PM Prevent Muslims from entering the country do not take their phone numbers justin trudeau is a nice guy i don't know why did he accepted Trump's suggestion wait u was asking for my WhatsApp why contradiction yeah coz you want to be in contact with me? right i can't give you my number yup but u can give me yours that's the rule no i can't too forget it okay no problem so now we're in Flirtationship with me ? Message failed to send: NOPE NOPE just kidding HEHE and pulling your leg discreet حصيف, متحفظ, عاقل, حذر, حكيم, سري reserved محجوز, متحفظ, محتشم, كتوم, مفرد لغرض خاص, مدخر للمستقبل cautious حذر, متحفظ, محترس reticent كتوم, متحفظ, صموت, قليل الكلام, متكتم aloof متحفظ careful دقيق, حذر, شديد الحرص, معتن, يقظ, متحفظ secretive كتوم, متكتم, مكتوم, مفرز, متحفظ, إفرازي close قريب, أساسي, حميم, دقيق, ضم, متحفظ incommunicable متحفظ, متعذر إبلاغه wary حذر, محترس, متحفظ, يقظ incommunicative متحفظ uncommunicative صموت, متحفظ taciturn قليل الكلام, صموت, كتوم, متحفظ, سكيت self-contained متحفظ, متميز بضبط النفس, مستقل stand-offish متحفظ

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Just about Janis: Won't tell anyone you didn't hit me up with the coveted Morning text, like Jimmy: No need when I'm there to do it in person Jimmy: Just use your imagination when you tell 'em how I woke you up Janis: 😏 Why bother when they so ready to do it themselves, like Janis: #yourinfluence obvs Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Yours is that the 🐶 won't shut up 'bout you #real love 💕 Janis: Dog, yeah? Janis: Not heard that one before Jimmy: Alright, you rumbled me, my sister too Jimmy: But what the dog's saying is nicer Janis: 😂 Janis: I did forget to invite her along, to be fair Janis: Forgetfulness gotta be catching 'cos Mia totally wanted to idk Janis: wax my bikini line or something, apparently Jimmy: I know this is fake but your dirty talk needs some work, mate Jimmy: Good to know that shit does happen at sleepovers though Janis: Grow up dickhead 🙄 Janis: probably try recreate game of thrones and pour it on my head, no thanks Janis: can't make that sexy, no matter how many dragons I add to the story, soz Jimmy: Niche reference 👍 Jimmy: I rolled up to say tah for not being a dickhead anyway Jimmy: It all went to plan Janis: You're definitely that kinda nerd, don't lie Janis: Duh Janis: 🥇 Janis: I told you Jimmy: Piss off am I Jimmy: You can't pretend that you don't know how cool I am now, Joan Janis: What, 'cos you took me to the pub I suggested Janis: Okay 😏 Jimmy: 'cause I didn't make a holy show of myself as you Irish call it Jimmy: at the pub you suggested Janis: You were alright Janis: Not too unbearable, like Jimmy: I love you too, baby 😘 Janis: 🖕 Idiot Jimmy: What you doing tonight? Jimmy: We should be seen together so people don't reckon I got what I wanted and that's it Janis: Or you were that shit I've had to ghost you Jimmy: Nobody's thinking that Janis: Alright ego 😜 Janis: but I'm up for doing something, long as it's not totally shit Jimmy: Is there like a party or something going on? Jimmy: More people the better, I reckon Janis: Undoubtedly Janis: I'll ask my cousin, not everyone he knows is a total prick Janis: up for the challenge, yeah? 💪 Jimmy: Like you said 🥇 Janis: 👍 I've hit him up, let you know the where and when Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm on a half day so don't matter Jimmy: Time to make myself look #goals Janis: Sick Janis: weren't too dead were ya? Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You? Janis: Good Janis: 'Course not Janis: Lazy rich bitch anyway so you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't 'ave to Janis: Please, you're so gutted Jimmy: Maybe Jimmy: You'll just have to cheer me up tonight Janis: Yeah? Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Jimmy: We haven't faked it for that long before Janis: Have a little faith Janis: 'less you're planning to make it hard for me or Jimmy: It'd be more fun but we've got a deal Jimmy: So don't fuck it up & I won't Janis: Fine 🙄 Jimmy: Saving your enthusiasm? 👍 Janis: Yeah Janis: basically got 16 years worth saved up, hope you're ready Jimmy: Challenge accepted, Jillian Janis: That's the worse one yet Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I won't use it when anyone can hear me, don't worry Jimmy: What's your name again though? Janis: You testing me Janis: watch me turn up looking like a bag of shit now Janis: enjoy, wanker Jimmy: Watch me 😍😍😍 even harder for it Jimmy: You're not gonna beat me, babe Janis: So am Jimmy: Like I said, easy to say now Jimmy: Harder to do when I'm chaining 🚬 to put you off Janis: 😒 I've handled worse Jimmy: I don't need your exes list, Judy Janis: Short list Janis: . Janis: like Jimmy: What? Jimmy: You only fake date Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fuck off Janis: I don't date Janis: waste of time Jimmy: Can be Janis: Is Jimmy: Pete'll be gutted Jimmy: Still, if you're as good in bed for real as you are when it's fake, decent consolation Janis: I'm sure Janis: aside from he probably fancies you more than he does me Jimmy: Me too, he's been name dropping you all shift 💕 Jimmy: Wrong again, Jennifer Janis: Lies Jimmy: I didn't know who he meant for half of it Jimmy: but yeah Janis: Brilliant Janis: Good thing he's not our target demo then isn't it Jimmy: No offense, Janis Jimmy: ain't my fault he don't know you Janis: Why would he Janis: He's like year above ain't he, idk Jimmy: How would I know? Jimmy: Not the one crushing on him Janis: You do keep bringing him up Janis: if you needed a beard, like Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: What do you wanna talk about then? Janis: [Party deets] Janis: There you go, can plan your outfit now Jimmy: What time do you wanna show up? Janis: Later the better, init Janis: make a scene but also, don't have to spend too much time surrounded by idiots Jimmy: You just know you can't hack faking being my girlfriend for too long Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: Bitch I can go all night Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You'd be stretched to do an hour Janis: Bollocks Janis: When do YOU wanna go then? Jimmy: I'd go right now if they'd have me Jimmy: Better than being stuck at the CG Janis: N'awh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I'll do it tonight Jimmy: Do your best to wait patiently, Jodie Janis: 🖕 Do yours to keep up Janis: can't be too late if you gotta leave 9 though, are you sure Janis: lowkey might not even start before then Jimmy: I've sorted it with Cass Jimmy: I can be out as late as we need to get this done Janis: Didn't know it was her calling the curfew not your Da Janis: but makes sense, tbh Janis: cool then Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: He don't call any shots Jimmy: But someone's gotta look after my brother & he don't worry 'bout that either Janis: I wasn't trying to be funny about it Jimmy: Decent effort then 'cause you weren't Janis: Alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: meet there? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Let me know when Janis: k Jimmy: [Later] Jimmy: They want me to work over Jimmy: when are we going? Janis: Oh, don't worry then if it's gonna be too much hassle Jimmy: It's only a couple more hours Janis: When are you getting off now? Jimmy: 4.30 Jimmy: but I got some shit to do when I leave here Jimmy: part of Cass' bargain Janis: 👍 good girl Janis: anything i can help with or you alright Jimmy: you can get the dog out Jimmy: know you'd both love that 💕 Janis: Sure thing Janis: use the extra steps myself anyway Jimmy: Come and get my keys whenever Janis: Are the kids gonna be about Janis: they could come with, if they would Jimmy: you can ask 'em if you're feeling brave Janis: Just an idea Janis: might run off some energy lowkey exhaust the dog and them, like Jimmy: I reckon it's a good one Jimmy: They might not Janis: I'll try Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: If they're dickheads, text me Janis: Don't worry, I've got millions of cousins and shit, I know how to not get 'em killed or I wouldn't offer Jimmy: Weren't worried 'bout 'em Jimmy: Just you Janis: Oi Janis: I'm no soft-touch Jimmy: Only got your word for that, mate Janis: 😑 Janis: Proof'll be how well-trained this dog is Jimmy: You ain't got long enough for that Jimmy: I'm not fake dating you for years tah Janis: Christ no Janis: crash course, I'm that good Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: as long as you're more convincing tonight Janis: Name a time I haven't been Janis: everyone's buying it so hard Jimmy: I told you, that was lowest tier shit Jimmy: You have to pretend to like me for longer than a make out sesh Janis: I keep telling you I can, damn Janis: Can't prove it 'til we're there, can I? Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: take some pics on your walk, really milk how domestic we are Janis: Done Janis: she's very photogenic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you can date her for real when this is over Janis: You're giving me her in the fake breakup, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: means you gotta give me something Jimmy: get thinking Janis: can I interest you in Grace? Janis: know what you're thinking, literally defeats the point Janis: but she just looking for a new fam Janis: bitch for a bitch Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: One sister's enough Janis: Shit Janis: I got 3 Janis: worst luck Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: violin solo for each Janis: Grace is more like a fucking triangle solo Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: I don't reckon there's an emoji for that though 💔 Janis: 🃏 Janis: really lacking on the emoji front Janis: gutted, gonna complain Jimmy: get it done, Joanne Janis: talk to twitter whilst i'm there Janis: your account not dead now? Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I ain't checked Janis: Bummer Janis: no new nudes for me 💔 Jimmy: I'll streak through the party Jimmy: make an entrance Janis: 😂 Janis: Twat Janis: There's no pretending to be 😍 over public indecency Jimmy: try harder then, dickhead Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 Janis: I don't want everyone to reckon I'm actually derranged, like Janis: be normal, Taylor Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you know, one of us has to Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon you won't be overcome with lust at the sight of me actually naked Jimmy: head in the game, girl Janis: 'Course Janis: who wouldn't be Janis: turning it into a casual orgy Jimmy: Mia maybe Jimmy: You're more her type Janis: Ugh don't Janis: idk what her problem really is Janis: 'cept she wants to wear my skin Jimmy: she's jealous Janis: Nah Janis: she's an only child and her daddy gives her everything so she's rolling in it Jimmy: but 'til he gives her money for surgery you're prettier than her Jimmy: & now you've got me so 🗡 Janis: Don't fuck her, yeah? Janis: It must be how she gets her power 'cos she's got no interest in actually being with you, she just has a list of like every boy in Dublin or some shit she's working through Jimmy: even if she has surgery, I have standards, I told you Janis: Good Janis: even if you're a bit of a prick, hate to see you go like that Janis: 🐍 eat you when she's done Jimmy: I'd rather my 🍆 stays attached to me Jimmy: more use than my head Janis: What's more #bae Janis: agree or disagree? 🤔 Jimmy: take it to a twitter poll Janis: I think they've got a bias rn though, after that pic Janis: say something dead brainy, babe Jimmy: too northern for that Jimmy: do it for me & say I did Janis: It's weird when you're #humble Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: gonna fuck with you when you find out that's the real me Janis: Coulda kept that in the vault, I'd never know Jimmy: Like I said, you'd find out Janis: You not planning on deleting me when this is all over then? Jimmy: Probably but there's still this thing called IRL Jimmy: Can't bin school off yet Janis: Oh, where I'm at my most social, 'course Janis: you barely knew I existed 'til now I think we'll be fine 😏 Jimmy: Don't be gutted Jimmy: I know your name now & everything Janis: Yeah was so sat there praying for the day Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what are you actually gonna wear Janis: not saying we should be THAT fake couple and co-ord but Jimmy: hadn't given it any real thought Jimmy: what's the party dress code in leprechaun land? Janis: depends who you are and who they are Janis: don't wanna be try hard Janis: probably can't show up in my gym clothes, though Jimmy: who am I & who are they, babe? Janis: you know who you are Janis: leather jackets ain't just for your baes, obviously Janis: idk who this kid is exactly but he lives in a normal neighbourhood so he's not like dead posh or anything Jimmy: there's your answer then Jimmy: easy 😍 Jimmy: only challenge is me finding the place Janis: I better hang about then after I've walked the dog Janis: probably more #goals to go together anyway Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: smoothie? Jimmy: You should eat so you don't get dead drunk again Janis: 'Scuse me Janis: I was not Jimmy: You were Jimmy: & don't bring a jacket so you can wear mine that's gotta be #goals Janis: Just mad it went unnoticed that I was in the dog walking 'gram Janis: too 💕 for them all, baby Jimmy: just don't get as pissed tonight Jimmy: you might let everyone know how you really feel Janis: You ain't my Dad Jimmy: Nah, I'm your fake boyfriend & I'd like it if you didn't out us Jimmy: that's it Janis: I'm not going to because I wasn't even drunk and I won't be tonight Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you're gonna chat shit, I've got work to do Janis: I don't wanna chat to you anyway if you're gonna be shady Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Shady? Am I also slim 😂 Jimmy: top lingo, Janet Janis: 😒 you are that white Jimmy: take it up with my dad Janis: When can we have our first fake fight 'cos you're asking for it today, like Jimmy: a bit soon unless you wanna do a really hot makeup makeout Janis: Who'd want that? Janis: Shame Jimmy: the fans Janis: True Janis: but you said I've gotta show I can stand you when you ain't rocking my world so Jimmy: & you've gotta show you want me too more than just a once off Janis: Don't want much, do ya? Jimmy: It ain't about what I want Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: I know you keep saying you'll do this easy Jimmy: So stop whinging Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you liked whelan's then, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll probably go back Janis: good Janis: i knew you would, it's alright Jimmy: seeing as you know me so well you can find me a real girl to date when this is over Janis: ha Janis: jog on Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: it'd be a laugh to see who you'd pick if nowt else Janis: not a dyke, remember? Jimmy: didn't say you had to join in with us, did I? Janis: shut up Janis: what do i know about girls Janis: not a real one, am i Jimmy: what do you reckon you are then? My dream Jimmy: Piss off Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you're real Janis: You said it, not me Jimmy: What? Janis: 'you can find me a real girl to date' Jimmy: I meant a girl to not fake date Janis: whatever Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: don't matter Janis: forget it Jimmy: don't wanna Janis: don't be a dick Janis: if you didn't mean it you didn't Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: So don't you be a dickhead Janis: What the fuck have I done? Jimmy: acting shady Jimmy: to use your top lingo Janis: 😑 you clearly don't know what that means Jimmy: nah I don't Jimmy: it's bollocks Jimmy: reckon you made it up just then Janis: not that deep undercover than we need our own language Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't sure I'd keep up Jimmy: proper cryptic you Irish Janis: 🖕 Janis: how's that for cryptic? Janis: gobshite Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm not finding you a girlfriend Janis: Ruin your own life Jimmy: Alright, leave me to my own devices so I can find another girl who prefers old blokes Jimmy: on your head Janis: If it keeps you from becoming a baby daddy, aren't I doing you/the world a massive service, really, like Jimmy: if that keeps you warm, mate, tell yourself it Jimmy: I'll be shivering 'cause left out in the cold 🎻 Janis: Catch me and Pete laughing at you whilst we fuck on a huge pile of money in our mcmansion Janis: #thedream Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've seen him concentrating when he makes a latte I don't need to think about his face when he's going at it Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: get in his inbox to live that dream Janis: Can't be having my fake mans and real in the same place Janis: mixing business and pleasure always a no Jimmy: he won't say owt Jimmy: tell him you're down to cheat Janis: thanks for your permission 😂 Jimmy: don't care, do I? Jimmy: just keep it off the 'gram Janis: You might have endless faith in him but I don't Janis: everyone knows everyone's business around here 🙄 Jimmy: if you cheat I ain't lost owt Jimmy: go on Jimmy: save me a break up Janis: I don't think so Janis: I get to come out of this looking good, that was part of the deal Jimmy: We can change it easy Jimmy: & anyway who says pete ain't a trade up Janis: Nah Janis: Deal's a deal, I'm sticking to my side of it Jimmy: You've done it Jimmy: been proven those girls ain't my type Janis: If that was true we wouldn't be going tonight Janis: we ain't done here Jimmy: we ain't done for you Jimmy: but if you reckon you've got a better offer, take it Janis: Don't use this as an excuse Janis: you know I don't Jimmy: an excuse for what? Janis: For not wanting to help me out now we've sorted your side of it out Jimmy: I've said I'll do it Jimmy: like I said, not about what I want Janis: I know you don't want it alright Janis: it doesn't have to be much longer Jimmy: just don't fuck Pete Jimmy: I still have to work with him Jimmy: & I don't want the pisstake Janis: I'm not going to Janis: I've literally not spoken to him before Jimmy: then don't speak to him Janis: Um bit far, am I only allowed to order smoothies from you? Jimmy: CG isn't the only shit coffee shop around Jimmy: why come in after this? Janis: so I'm banned now, jesus Janis: fine Janis: I don't even drink coffee Jimmy: I can't ban you Jimmy: not the manager Janis: but you would if you could? Janis: well that's lovely Jimmy: so you would come in for coffee & a chat after I've fake dumped you? 👌 Janis: You're actually such a prick Janis: 1. I'M dumping YOU Janis: 2. You were actually serious that you're gonna delete me? Avoid me forever too? Very mature Jimmy: I'm gonna delete everyone Jimmy: not just you Jimmy: why do you care? like you said, didn't know each other existed before Janis: You're gonna have no friends, whole time you're here then Jimmy: hopefully Jimmy: what you're offering now, are you? Janis: no one good enough for you, yeah? Janis: not now I know Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you were the one warning me not to turn into 'em like a day ago Jimmy: didn't realise the real you was a cheerleader of leprechaun town Janis: Piss off Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: wear the uniform tonight though, the fans will love it Janis: It's going to take you ages you may as well try and tolerate it whilst you're here Jimmy: You don't have to outdo my dad on the fatherly advice Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: Exactly, you're not gonna leave your brother and sister here Janis: so it's years, not months Jimmy: that's assuming any of us are gonna stay here Jimmy: he keeps jobs slightly longer than girlfriends but don't go mad, like Janis: Yeah great, hinge your masterplan on his lack of Janis: I hope it all works out for you, really Jimmy: I don't need a masterplan this is my real life not a fake dating plot Janis: Fuck you Janis: Act like it then, you live here right now, get over it Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You've lived here longer Jimmy: where's your friends? Janis: What's it matter 'bout me? Jimmy: you're dishing it out like I gotta be living my best life Jimmy: sort yours Janis: Again, this isn't about me Janis: you're not me Jimmy: & you ain't me, sweetheart Jimmy: you don't know what I want so don't tell me Janis: Don't fucking talk to me like that Jimmy: likewise Janis: Fine, be miserable Janis: like you said, why do I care Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck me knowing what you want, I hope you work it out Jimmy: I have Janis: Good for you Jimmy: dead patronising you Jimmy: Love that Janis: I'm not the one throwing out sweethearts like it's the 70s Jimmy: Nah, you're just the one judging me when all you know is my name basically Jimmy: starting to see your sister's POV now Jimmy: bit of a nightmare, aren't you? Janis: Go fuck her then Jimmy: I don't want to Jimmy: but tah for the permission Janis: Literally drop dead Janis: I never once judged you and it's fucking rich you taking issue when all you do is judge everyone here all the time Jimmy: just 'cause you're a girl don't mean you can talk me like that & then tell me how to talk to you Janis: like what Janis: you talk to me like a piece of shit Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Great Janis: Bye Jimmy: not bye, see you in a bit Jimmy: unless you're bailing Janis: you reckon i'm in the party mood Janis: really Jimmy: not what I asked Jimmy: don't matter how you really feel, does it? Janis: you're a sociopath, awesome Jimmy: no idea Jimmy: but alright fuck the party, don't bother me Janis: nah, 'course, nothing does Jimmy: nowt that's any of your business Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll still walk the dog it isn't her fault Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you'll still need the keys Jimmy: won't throw 'em at you not very #goals Janis: I don't care anymore Janis: who am I impressing, like you said Jimmy: when? Janis: You know Janis: I've got no friends, I'm a nightmare Janis: 🎻 Janis: the list goes on Jimmy: that's not what they're seeing Jimmy: just me 🎻 Jimmy: you've impressed everyone else Janis: Please Janis: you're so smart now Jimmy: It don't take much Janis: Exactly Janis: Jig is probably up Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you know it's working Janis: Yeah not now I hate you Jimmy: you didn't love me before Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: call it off Janis: I'm not coming out of this like this Janis: you don't have to see me Janis: I'll make it work myself Jimmy: 👌 Janis: just tell me how you wanna sound Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: do it how you want Janis: is it wise to give me such free reign Janis: nightmare i am Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: don't matter Janis: You reckon I shouldn't care? Jimmy: I'm saying I don't Janis: No one's judging you anyway Jimmy: feel free to change that Janis: I'm not that much of a bitch Janis: thanks Jimmy: not on the 'gram anyway Janis: Fuck you Janis: I was being nice Jimmy: 'til I told you not to fuck Pete Jimmy: If I knew that was the dealbreaker I wouldn't have said nowt Janis: No, 'til you asked me to find you a girlfriend, called me not a girl Janis: then fucking agreed with my sister Jimmy: I told you, I never said you weren't a girl Jimmy: & I weren't serious about the girlfriend thing Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't even know if that's his name so it isn't about that Jimmy: alright Janis: It ain't alright Janis: I wasn't serious either you didn't have to take it like that and make it into this thing Jimmy: I seriously don't want you to fuck my co-workers Jimmy: that's all I said Janis: I'm not going to! Janis: I don't even want to Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't matter now Janis: Why not Jimmy: 'cause this is finished Jimmy: we don't need to keep chatting 'bout it Janis: Why is it a problem if I'm not gonna do it Jimmy: it ain't Janis: Then stop being a dick Jimmy: You stop being a dick Janis: dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: stop Jimmy: just break it off Jimmy: I've got work to do Janis: Come on Janis: you're really dedicated now you don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: if we aren't going to the party what is there to chat about? Janis: well we could Janis: but fine Jimmy: you don't wanna either Jimmy: you hate me now, remember? Janis: Well you never liked me apparently so can't be offended Jimmy: yeah I can Janis: It's not fair, that's bullshit Jimmy: you hating me is not the same as me not knowing you Janis: maybe i'm being slightly dramatic Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: like I said, don't matter Janis: No Janis: Shut up being annoying Janis: let's go to the party Jimmy: I don't reckon that's a good idea Janis: Why not Jimmy: not in the running for an oscar, are we? Janis: alright Janis: i'll go by myself i guess Jimmy: that's a worse idea Jimmy: get it together, Jasmine Janis: Why? Jimmy: You're a pisshead & you need me Janis: 😑 Janis: well then you have to come Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: when? Janis: Whenever you've done what you've gotta do at Home Janis: I'm already on the bus to get the keys Jimmy: I just have to get the bribes in Jimmy: come with Jimmy: we can get drinks for the party or whatever Janis: I get it, all the sugar Janis: alright Janis: just don't try to palm me off with alcopops Jimmy: piss off would I Jimmy: I don't hate you Janis: tah 😏 you do reckon I can't handle my drink though Janis: which is just untrue Jimmy: you couldn't Jimmy: that's all I've got to go off Jimmy: prove me wrong tonight if you're that mad 'bout it Janis: What did I do? Janis: because I have evidence of YOU licking MY face, thanks snapchat Jimmy: FOR snapchat Jimmy: you were being nice to me when the camera weren't on Janis: How dare I 🙄 Janis: make it sound like I was tryna jump you Jimmy: nowt like that Jimmy: you were just Jimmy: fuck knows, mate Janis: ominous Janis: maybe i won't drink Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: challenge turned down? 👌 Janis: 😠 No Janis: you got me paranoid now though Jimmy: not trying to get in your head so I'll win or owt Jimmy: nah Janis: 😒 Jimmy: for real though that weren't how I wanted that to sound Jimmy: it was fun Jimmy: you weren't a total dickhead like usual, that's it Janis: so what you're really saying is Janis: I should make a habit of it? Janis: cool Janis: I thought you meant I was white girl wasted then I'd have to kms, obviously Jimmy: I'm saying if I were gonna hate you, I couldn't then 'cause you were alright Jimmy: calm down Janis: Awh babe Jimmy: what the fuck is white girl wasted? Janis: If Gracie or any of her mates are at this party, hopefully not, you'll get to see Janis: the girls who are screaming 'this is my song!' to every other shit song Janis: and lose their shoes and shit and end up sobbing hysterically on a poor bouncer or something Jimmy: that don't exist up north, lasses drink like lads Jimmy: I'll have to take you Jimmy: learn something, Jemima Janis: you can't say the north has a better drinking  culture than ireland Janis: that's literally all we're known for excuse you Jimmy: I reckon I just did Jimmy: am I gonna get cursed now? Janis: Think you're gonna get deported so you'll be buzzin' on that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: they aren't gonna be at the party are they? Janis: Nah, would've seen all the annoying getting ready and pre-drinks stories by now Jimmy: thank feck as you 🍀 say Jimmy: fun as it'd be to get that angry vein going in Mia's head again Janis: Please never say that again but do 'cos I wanna hear wtf it'd sound like in your accent 😂 Janis: she's DYING for round two Jimmy: I'll whisper it in your ear later if you pretend I'm saying something #goals Janis: Deal Jimmy: Just don't piss yourself laughing I don't need everyone reckoning my chat is that bad Janis: 🎭 Janis: I'll be so into it it'll be awkward for everyone else Janis: 💪 Jimmy: yeah alright Jane fonda just try & look like you're dying for round two 😍💕 Jimmy: maybe there'll be a room we can fake fuck in Janis: What are house parties for Janis: besides easier underage drinking, obviously Jimmy: as long as Mia ain't there to listen at the door Janis: I refuse to fake an orgasm for her the cunt you'd have to actually just fuck me Jimmy: I'll just take you home if she shows up Jimmy: pretend like I'm anti-fucking in strangers houses Jimmy: like its a northern thing or summat Janis: 😂 Polite, very anti-you Janis: but it works Jimmy: there's only so much convincing fakery I could let you do before it'd just sound hot Jimmy: not part of the deal for me to be into it Janis: Yeah Janis: Only human Jimmy: 🐍 quota in these parts is full Janis: Truly Janis: Don't tell Paddy, he'll be fuming Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: better get more smokes if you're sharing Jimmy: remind me Janis: Should get my own, least pay you half Jimmy: call it my being a dickhead tax Jimmy: besides, people were into it Jimmy: new #goals Janis: You make it look good Janis: no one needs to know you get out of breath on a dog walk Jimmy: you give then you take away Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: next time tweet the first bit & leave off the second Janis: I already did that story, no caption necessary Janis: can't have you thinking I'm too nice again and going weird on me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: Are we meant to do getting ready snaps or are you not white enough? Janis: God no Janis: 'less we're being all extra about how much we don't wanna leave bed, like Jimmy: we could Jimmy: I zip up your...dress? but you take off my shirt Jimmy: make it sexy Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😂 Janis: this is just going to get confusing Janis: end up leaving half undressed but not in the intentional way Jimmy: no then? Janis: nah, we can Janis: means having to take less there so we can lowkey have a decent time still Jimmy: almost like you now Jimmy: 'cause that's a top plan Janis: Gimme time Janis: not a fan of almosts like go all in and hate me or you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: what are you wearing not heavy breathing way? Jimmy: in a* Janis: Thanks for clarifying Janis: I put a few options in my bag, I'd ask a girl but you know Janis: You'll have to do Jimmy: I am out of breath but 🚬 not burning desire Jimmy: piss off I'm better Jimmy: I'll tell you what looks hot Jimmy: 😍 not bitchy side eye Janis: #truelove Janis: #lastsalifetime #inyourlungs Janis: Good, can always get that from your sister if I'm missing it Jimmy: You're getting too decent at #s gonna have to dump you 💔 Janis: #damn Jimmy: Stop Janis: #gonnamissmewhenimgone Jimmy: #Janis please Jimmy: if you make me laugh I could keel over 🚬 remember Janis: When bae calls you a health risk 😍 Jimmy: #goals right Jimmy: love you so much its gonna kill me Janis: mhmm Janis: i told ya, just got the organ wrong Janis: no 💔 going for the lungs Jimmy: just leave my 🍆 out of it & like my head I ain't too concerned Jimmy: least I got a pair of lungs Janis: are you saying i have 🍆 envy Janis: cos that's even older than the dyke line tbh i expect better from you Jimmy: let me know when I streak through the party Janis: 😂 Janis: Will do Jimmy: don't say nowt if you don't 'cause 💔 Jimmy: it ain't my party to cry at Janis: Poor boy Janis: Just tryna seem nonchalant 'cos already meant to have seen it, duh Jimmy: try & seem 😍 like you can't get enough of it though Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Okay you want drooling Janis: got it Jimmy: if you can Janis: Don't doubt me, just your ability to bring it Janis: kinda cold Jimmy: where I'm from this is summer temps Jimmy: don't worry 'bout me, girl Janis: Then we won't have a problem Jimmy: nah Jimmy: & if anyone asks, I'm thinking 'bout you #muse Janis: I think they'll have more pressing questions Janis: like, what the fuck? Jimmy: that's how it is in 🍀 Jimmy: boring feckers Janis: 😂 Janis: maybe after you've been there and had a few Jimmy: I won't find them boring? Jimmy: or I will Janis: saying you taking your kit off would be craic and not a sign of something wrong Janis: they'll still be pretty dry Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: can I leave here yet? it's rivaling in the boredom stakes Jimmy: come back Mia, some mildly annoying shit you've done is forgiven Jimmy: nowt else Janis: Shh Janis: come meet me off bus Janis: #romance Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you sold it to me Janis: 💕 Soft Jimmy: give me the kiss of life if I look like I'm going Jimmy: 'cause you know I'll 🚬 & walk Janis: 😏 Janis: Giving the OAPs on here a show Jimmy: love our new audience 💕 Janis: always a bitchy one though, i 👀 you grandmia Jimmy: probably is her nan Jimmy: does she have a face like 🍋 Janis: Chewing wasps forreal Janis: though I think Mia just rose up from the pits of hell by herself so Jimmy: get her number for my ex Janis: 😂 Janis: so thoughtful Jimmy: her status updates have been harrowing mate Jimmy: reckon Barry's playing away 💔🎻 Janis: Oh no Janis: typical Barry move Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: near end of life crisis Janis: Stop making me laugh I'm getting looks Jimmy: payback for before when you near ended my life Jimmy: could be worse least I'm not turning you on with the mention of him Janis: War flashbacks, like Jimmy: you got it, JoJo Janis: 💔 Janis: I don't get it but you do you Janis: true love and all that, I guess Jimmy: You don't get wanting to fuck an old bloke? Jimmy: Me either Janis: 😏 OMG we get it, you're straight Janis: it's me they got the questions about, not you Jimmy: so far Jimmy: but Pete is gonna need consoling for his 💔 Janis: 🙄 don't drag me into this Janis: find yourself a girl and him a mans Jimmy: so nah to the threesome? 👌 I'll let him know Janis: You don't wanna see his cum face Jimmy: I'll look at the back of his head Janis: Alright, glad you've worked out the logistics Janis: be rude to make him stay under the pillow Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in or out? Janis: whey Janis: long as it don't count 'cos threeways don't Jimmy: 'course Janis: 👍 Jimmy: #romance Janis: you know it Janis: real test faking it to that level, no matter how thick he is Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: we've got this baby 💕 Janis: Poor Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you see me yet? Janis: Hold on, lemme try and remember what you look like Jimmy: You ain't that good at faking it, Justine Jimmy: #unforgettable Janis: You'll be huffy when you find me chatting to the wrong white boy Jimmy: Nah I'll just smack him Jimmy: #goals like Janis: 😏 Janis: There you are Jimmy: 😘