#but i don't have the outside perspective to go oh yeah. that's a little fucked. hm

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

sorry for being weird, i’ll inevitably be weirder the next time you see me in an attempt to be normal

[lady-raziel]

and alright, here's my last (let's hope) and boldest take yet. lots of people have been talking about the level of staff (around 25-ish people) at watcher, and whether downsizing that number could have been a potential avenue of reducing costs before just jumping to a subscription model. at first i was like yeah, i'm not sure that there needs to be 18 people involved in making a lets play. i was in the fucking trenches in the unus annus days and i'm still amazed how markiplier and ethan nestor managed to put out pretty well edited videos every day for a whole year with only a handful of editors and a couple people filming. what unus annus was trying to do and what watcher is trying to do are obviously pretty different, but the point is that you really don't need a whole crew of people to make lots of different types of content and do it well.

i still think there probably doesn't need to be a whole production crew involved with the creation of some of the simpler types of content watcher puts out. however, i don't think the size of the staff is the real problem. in fact, i think the staff of watcher probably should have been larger.

let me explain. if i begrudgingly go to one of my most detested websites (linkedin. *bleeegh*) and look up watcher, i can see that pretty much every person on staff is in a creative role of some sort by their own admission. at first glance, its like, oh, that makes sense. they're making creative products, it's natural that they should all be in creative roles. however, once you think about it for a little longer from a business perspective, that fact is really concerning.

after all, by watcher's own definition, this is a production studio. this is a company. So in this sea of creative roles, who's doing corporate planning? Who's managing finance? Who's doing payroll? Or brand outreach? Or human-freaking-resources??? you can hire outside groups for all this. i'm aware. but those services cost a lot of money to contract too. i'm just finding it concerning that there is pretty much no one on full time staff that is there to at least do some of this stuff. if watcher wants to be a big-boy company, that's fine, but that means you have to pay some people to be part of your company to do the not-fun business stuff like accounting. or resource management.

if they want to be a real company, they should actually have a lot more people on staff to deal with all the non-creative parts of running a company. even if they contract out most of it, you want at least a few people that are your people and don't actually work for someone else. that's how you don't get screwed over or end up in a contract you can't get out of.

which leads me to my last train of thought. like, as i go through the staff of watcher and look at what they do, it really seems like one of the ONLY people who's job it was to look at the business side of things WAS steven lim in his role as CEO. and thinking about that, i'm like god, can you imagine?? here's a guy who just wants to create cool stuff too but as one of the few people who has to think about the realities of Brand and the Business, HE has to be the one to burst the bubble. He as CEO has to say no to people and make decisions to make sure the company survives. In a group of creative people who just want to make things they're interested in, no expense spared, he was probably the guy who had to stay at least a little tethered to reality.

I'm not about to say that steven lim isn't to blame here. everyone involved in making the decisions that have led up to this point is part of this. but shit, it absolutely sucks to have to be the person at the end of the brainstorm session when everyone is coming up with their best ideas and to have to say "guys, i don't think any of these things are possible unless we make some big decisions."

is that what happened at watcher HQ? i don't know. at this point, with radio silence from everyone, speculation is all we've got. but if you follow the thread of a bunch of creatives striking out on their own to make their own business after being burned by their former employer, despite not knowing really how to run a business, and then only hiring fellow creative people and not other people who actually run business things... well, all of this starts to make slightly more sense in WHY none of watcher's actions make sense. everybody wants to stick it to the man and be their own boss with their own business, until it actually comes to the hard parts of doing that. at that point people start to realize, "oh, maybe some of the things that existed at my old job were there for a reason, actually."

all this is why lots of creatives striking out and starting their own businesses don't work in the end. they're thinking about in terms of creative products still, when they really need to be focusing more on the "business" part of the "creative business." it's sad. it sucks. it destroys a lot of good ideas and good people, because one person in every company like that has to be the one who thinks practically. could this have been avoided if watcher had been hiring people all along to manage this business and not just adding people to add to the creative output? maybe. even then it might not have been enough to curb other predictable impulses that led us down this path.

i feel bad for watcher, and i feel bad for the fandom. but i can't help but wonder if this was always the kind of situation we were going to end up in, and we just missed some of the warning signs because ALL of us were thinking, "well, that could never happen to us. we're different. not the Ghoul Boys."

[raineydays411]

My Fathers Daughter pt 10

A different perspective

Dick Grayson has always been used to being the first.

He was the first Robin, the first son, the first to be picked for almost anything.

Hell he was the first child as far as he knew. So imagine his surprise when he finds out his mother not only has a whole secret daughter, but one that she completely abandoned.

He could still hardly believe it.

He couldn't stop thinking about the night they found out about her. The look on Christine's face, it was one he's never seen before. The look of shock and almost disbelief, like she had seen a ghost.

In a way she did.

The ghost of the life she left behind with Tony and Y/n Stark. Now Christine was trying so desperately to revive it. As if she didn't murder it with her own hands. And while Dick himself had reservations with these actions, Christine was his mother before anything, and he was going to help her no matter what.

So here he was, standing outside the bedroom of his mothers long lost daughter, trying to figure out something to say. It shouldn't be too hard, seeing as Jason of all people managed to get you to open up.

And yet, here he is. Unable to muster up the courage to simply knock on the door.

"This is fucking ridiculous", Dick thinks to himself, "Just knock, what's the worst that can happen?"

Lost in his own thoughts, Dick didn't notice the shadow under the door, and was startled by the sudden swing of it opening and you standing there.

"I can hear your thinking over my music." You said a little annoyed," Is there something I can do for you or...?"

Dick blinked trying to gather all of his thoughts, he really didn't know what to say to you. This is the first time you've said more than three syllables to him.

You stared back, face revealing how uncomfortable you were getting with this prolonged eye contact.

"Riiiight, so im just gonna" You say taking steps to shut the door in his face

"Wait!" The raven haired man shouts, "Wait, please."

You stop with a sigh and open the door, inviting him in, " Alright, come on."

Dick walks in, looking around at the room that actually used to be his when he first moved in.

He mentions as much trying to break the awkward silence.

"Hm, and you were okay staying in a room that was copied from a dracula movie?" You say snarkily

"Well to be fair I was 12 and watched my parents die in front of me, I wasn't really looking at the decor." He says half joking.

You made a face and looked away, feeling even more awkward.

"Anyways, I just wanted to you know...see how you were settling in" Dick starts, " Its been a few months and it feels like we hardly even see you."

You pause, thinking of what to say. But before you even have a chance to say anything Dick continues.

"You know, moms really excited that you're here." He starts, " Honestly I don't think I've ever seen her this excited over anything. She's usually very level headed."

You stare at him

"I mean, you know how she is I suppose she is your mother too."

You stare

"I know she probably really missed you, she gets lonely sometimes you know? Everyone here usually has their own thing going on and we don't really get to see her as much."

Nothing from you

" Well, I guess she see's Damian more than any of us but that's because he's basically her baby."

Okay...that hurt

"I mean, I think he was the youngest when he came to use, I think he was like nine or something. And he was not the easiest to get along with. So don't worry that he hasn't warmed up to you yet."

You hum, already irritated with this conversation.

"He's also really protective of our mom, she's done alot to make sure their relationship is as good as it is." he says offhandedly, " Actually she's done it for all of us."

"Oh really?" You ask with no real intrest.

"Yeah! I remember one time when I was little she always made it a point to spend time with me even though she was so busy." He says fondly.

You decide to play along and remince on the memories that you buried long ago.

"You know, when I was younger, Christine used to take me out of school and take me to see ballet shows." You say with a slight smile, " I was in classes back then and loved watching the older girls dance."

Dick smiled, feeling as if he made some progress with you, " Really? I think she actually takes Cassie and Steph to those sometimes, you should ask to tag along I'm sure she'll love it."

You cringe, feeling another needle in your heart. Not even your memerioes were sacred.

"Yeah no thanks." You reply harshly, " I don't like ballet anymore."

Dick pauses, shocked at the sudden shift in atmosphere.

"I--"

And before he can say anything you cut him off, feigning a yawn

"Hey look, not that I don't love our little chats, but I am beat."

"Oh! right, sorry I guess it is getting a bit late.."Dick say hopping up from your bed and walking to the door, " Y/n, you know its really nice talking to you. You should try and open up more."

You smile sarcastically, " you know, something you and mother have in common is that you both like talking at me, not to me."

And with that you shut the door, promptly ending the conversation and sending Dick spiraling.

In fact, the statement bothered him so much that he went seeking a second opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Yeah... I don't know how to help you man."

"Oh come on! Jason, you and her are like...bosom buddies or something."

"Bosom buddies? How old are you?" Jason scoffs, " Look, what you and everyone here doesn't understand is that Y/n has a family waiting for her. She's not going to except mom as her mom because her mom is still alive and well."

"But...technically our mom is her mom." Dick says hesitantly, " And if I were her I'd be thrilled to have my mom back."

"Dick. Your mom didn't abandon you for a different family." Jason says annoyed he's not getting it, "What the hell is wrong with you, you're usually so level headed about this stuff?"

Dick pauses.

To be honest he doesn't know why he's being so hard headed about the whole situation.

He knows that he doesn't like seeing his mother sad, and lately seeing her face when you reject every move she maked to make amends is heartbreaking to him.

That was his mother. The woman who took him in as her own when his biological parents died.

The same woman that stayed by his side no matter how moody, rude, and bratty he first acted when he first arrived. She took his grief on as her own and basically put him back together along with Bruce. He can still remember the night he considered her his mother.

He had just started out as Robin, and had just got back from patrol. It was a rough night.

First, it was the middle of autumn and raining heavily, he and Bruce weren't getting along this particular night and he overall was just having a bad night. So needless to day he was a little rougher with the baddies he was fighting tonight.

Bruce had already reprimanded him throughout the night about his unnecessary force but Dick did not want to hear it. It got so bad that Dick was just going off own his own without Batmans orders, and thats where the trouble began.

Dick had jumped the gun again, throwing himself into a fight with some drug dealers , not realizing that there were one too many for a fourteen year old to handle by himself. They quickly overpowered him, and ganged up on the poor boy.

He was given quite the beating before Batman caught up to him and basically saved him.

In pain and with a bruised ego, he had to listen to yet another lecture from the irritated (actually extremely worried) dark knight, and one from Alfred who was also extremely worried while he cleaned up the child.

He has finally marched to his room in a huff and after he shut the door, was finally able to reveal in the fact that he almost died. He was lost in thought, finally feeling the fear and pain in every move he made as he tried to crawl under the covers when he heard a knock on the door.

In she came, with a tray of goodies she personally made,staying home from a business trip he had known she was going to go on. She crawled into the bed with him, held him to her chest and allowed him to cry.

"You may be a big brave superhero" She said to him, " But here in this home, you're my son. My baby, and you are allowed to cry if you need to. I won't judge you. I won't say a word."

And he did. He cried.

He cried because he was hurting. He cried because he was angry. Angry because he was beat up. Because he was lectured all night. Because he missed his parents.

But most of all, because he felt as if he was forgetting them. He was having such a good time at the Wayne manor, grew to love the Waynes as the parents they intended to be to him. He felt as if he was betraying his parents. The parents that had raised him up to that point.

And here he was, laying cuddled up to Christine the same way he would with his mother. But at this point the two of them are blurring together, to the point where he can't tell where his mother ends and Christine starts.

This woman, took him in and wrapped him in love.

Love that he thought he would never feel again after that tragic night.

A love that, he honestly cannot imagine never having.

It was something that he couldn't begin to repay her. He wouldn't know how. Where to start.

Rekindling his mother with the daughter she lost. Gave up.

That was the least he could do. He'd do it for her.

But, after the conversation he had with Jason, he went home and thought about it. Actually really thought about it.

The year he came into the Wayne's lives, Christine stopped going on her business trips.

Not all at once, but she would push them back.

Usually because Dick had needed her.

She pushed her trips back until eventually, she just stopped going.

She hadn't said much, just saying that she realized that she was needed at home more than they needed her over there. But even at that age, Dick noticed she was sad. She kept her composure around the family, but once Dick had seen her crying in a pantry deleting something off her phone.

He had thought it was weird but after a few months she was okay.

No crying, no sadness.

And... now that he thinks about it. While he was being wrapped up in love there was another child in New York, who's life was being completely unraveled. All because of him.

And maybe...the reason he was trying so hard to rekindle you and Christine wasn't really because of Christine.

But because since that night, the night you were revealed to be her daughter, he did the math. And he just wanted to give you back the mother he unknowingly stole away from you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Taglist:

@loxbbg

@its-emma-asinme

@zagreusdaughter

@animealways

@dead-sane-stuff

@avitute

@khaleesihavilliard

@d3m0n8ch1ld

@almostjollypizza

@anniebannanie0315

@tracysnook

@edlothia-baby

@noom147

@justanotherravenclaw

@gamocity

@eposadomd

@defiantbalde12

@lilyalone

@sillypastasludeland

@cassini-aming-the-stars

@pietrosbae

@bring-it-on-home-johnb

@romanoffmaximoff0096

[eldritch-nightmare]

Do u have any headcanons for poly! proxies (the usual 3 of masky, hoodie and toby) ?? :)

a/n: yeah okay i'll write the creepypasta interps of masky and hoodie just this once because i'm weak for poly content. wasn't sure if you wanted ship content or x reader content so i did both. enjoy <3

poly proxy headcanons.

warnings: exclusively referring to tim and brian as masky and hoodie in this, i actually forgot how masky and hoodie behaved as proxies of slenderman oops, no real warning actually just some healthy relationships and communication.

X READER. [gn reader]

You and Hoodie are definitely the mediators, I think. Toby and Masky have a habit of bickering a lot when it comes to wanting to spend time with you, so sometimes you and Hoodie have to sit them down and talk things out.

The fact that you have three guys dating you means there's got to be a lot of communication and two of these three guys are exclusively terrible at communicating.

You guys sorta attempt to follow a schedule. The keyword is attempt. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes things happen that make the schedule get all messy.

They all take you out on vastly different dates.

Hoodie takes you out on little dates such as walks through a park, or browsing a music store.

Masky takes you out on dates that are a little more expensive, such as a nice restaurant, or maybe he'll take you to see the latest movie that just released. Just... don't question where he's getting money from, he won't answer you.

Toby is the least romantic of the three since he doesn't have the best experience with romance. He's not entirely sure what classifies as a date because he enjoys any time he gets to spend with you, be it helping you bake something or just sitting in silence with you.

Hoodie is definitely the first one to realize he's in love with you. It's not something that he's immediately aware of. I picture him just hearing you laugh one day and having the quiet realization of, 'oh, i'm in love with you.'

Toby is the second, but he denies his feelings. Not because he doesn't want to love you, he's just worried. He doesn't allow himself close enough to people to fall in love, but now he has and it's something he's trying to adjust to.

Masky realizes he loves you last. Definitely see him being the type to be drifting off into sleep only for you to then pop into his mind and for him to suddenly be wide awake like 'holy shit i'm in love.'

The way they love you is actually pretty similar. They're all rather quiet when it comes to love, though from an outside perspective, it's very obvious that Hoodie is in love with you while Toby and Masky sorta keep it under wraps.

One of them is almost always with you. Being proxies makes them busy, so they aren't always able to spend time with you but one of them always tries to make sure that they're with you. Just in case.

Slender is kinda mildly annoyed by the relationship, but it isn't one to judge. So long as it doesn't get in the way of their duties, it could care less about whether or not they date some outsider like you.

SHIP.

How the hell did this happen? That's what everyone thinks whenever they see the three together.

None of them ever thought they would be dating each other, let alone enter a poly relationship. I mean, everyone sorta thought that maybe Masky and Hoodie had a thing going on since they're so buddy-buddy with each other.

But Masky and Toby actually genuinely hated each other in the beginning, it's absolutely baffling that the two are dating each other now.

I definitely think Hoodie and Masky get together first. Classic best friends to lovers.

And I think Masky totally falls for Toby first. Something something he finds himself gradually accepting Toby's presence more often and that acceptance sorta blends into a strange feeling of affection that turns into the realization of 'ah fuck.'

Masky awkwardly going up to Hoodie like, 'babe, i got a crush on the new guy.' and Hoodie is just like 'wow, you're just now realizing?'

I definitely think at this point, Hoodie doesn't really have any particular romantic feelings toward Toby, but he isn't upset that Masky has a crush on him either, y'know? Like... he and Masky are both very much aware that they're poly, so there is no awkward tension or big argument. Just silent acknowledgment and encouragement.

But Masky is like way too awkward around Toby now, so it's definitely Hoodie who gets a feel on whether or not Toby might reciprocate those feelings. And lo and behold, he does.

Hoodie had to be the one to confess his feelings to Masky before they started dating, and he knows damn well that neither Toby nor Masky will confess their feelings to each other, and while it's adorable to watch the silent pining, it's also equally as painful so he would literally just sit them both down and be like 'you guys like each other. discuss.' like it's some sort of debate.

Very awkward confessions between the two a lot of 'i fear getting close to people because i've already lost so much and i really can't lose you too'

Bada bing, bada boom. Masky and Hoodie are dating, Toby and Masky are dating, and Hoodie and Toby are... testing the waters, currently.

If even one of them has a bad day, all plans get cancelled and their all huddling up in one of their rooms and putting on awful movies and maybe cuddling a bit who knows.

Hoodie, introducing Masky to someone: This is my boyfriend, and this is my boyfriend's boyfriend, Toby. (and then he vaguely gestures to Masky and Toby, nd Masky his holding Toby's hand and Toby is just staring. Blankly.)

There's a lot of communication that goes on, and there are some days where they struggle a bit but they make things work.

[etoilesbienne]

Forever's Entire Proposal to BadBoyHalo q!BBH Analysis + Transcript below the cut.

Before I start, I want to make clear this is from BBH's perspective + mentality, and I do not speak Portuguese, as well as none of this is intended as character writing criticism. I really like the direction both of these characters are going in, I just want to highlight how much of a horror show this scene is! I'm starting much earlier than what's shown in the clip at the top, unfortunately Tumblr's file limits exist :/ Timestamp for the entire clip I'm using is at here in BBH's vod.

Some preface for everything going on in this scene and context:

For one, Forever's current drugged arc has continued references to the Vargas Era in Brazilian history, which, to heavily oversimplify, is a period when culture was suppressed by Getúlio Vargas, a 1930's Brazilian dictator, and made to look very perfected to the outside world to cover up the many issues from the government at the time. (I really recommend looking more into the Vargas Era on your own, I can say I've found every reading on this topic to be both interesting, as well as gives Forever's current arc a really good layer of historical reference with his presidency. It's a good topic to look into!)

Mostly, it's a representation of how fucked Forever's mental state currently is. Not only is he erratic from the drugs he was put under - He's actively been washed over with nationalistic propaganda. That's fucking horrifying for the President of the island to be under! It gains another layer of horror as well, because to all of the islanders, Forever is the only community member with any perceived sort of power. Him becoming erratic - pulling a gun on Phil, forcing other people to sign up for the drugs and medical procedure he went under - it's something that carries weight in terms of the island being united and working together, and is currently reinforcing the concerns the French group had with seeing him as unfit for power, with BBH included in all of these presidential coup meetings as being a sort of "honorary french" deal.

On Bad's side, however, is the known fact he finds marriage overrated, and meta-wise cc!BBH has mentioned he's playing a "more aromantic approach" because he doesn't want to be another character stuck in the shipping boat. (This isn't a knock against shipping, I just think it's good knowledge to have about q!BBH's character/stance on romance going into this.) And then finally, when the link timestamp starts, but before Forever has truly begun his serious conversation, BBH does this:

He switches out his regular Totem of Undying to specifically a Death totem. It's very quick, but I think it sets up his mentality going into this... I think he expected Forever's final reaction.

Forever: Here, Bad. BadBoyHalo: Hello. F: Hello! F & BBH, simultaneously: So, uh - BBH: Do you know where any of the kids are? F: I know where Richarlyson is, but, oh uh maybe we should go a little bit further there's a translator screen. BBH: Okay. F: Otherwise, I want my chat to know what we're talking about.

[Break for when they move the benches again]

F: Here, nice, nice, nice. F: OH! It's even better! BBH: Yay. F: It's perfect, I would say! BBH: So, you don't - F: Yeah, I don't know where the eggs are, Bad, but I'm really - there's something I know, okay? BBH: Uh-huh. F: I can tell you. BBH: Tell me. F: They are just good and fine, okay? BBH: What do you mean? F: They're fine! They're well! BBH: Look, what do you want, Forever? F: Ah, I want to get married! BBH: No, I mean, like, what do you want? F: Why? BBH: Like, if you know what happened to the - F: Why… don't we just get married! BBH: Do you know what happened to the eggs? Do you know where they are? F: Let's get married. BBH: What's happening, Forever? Etoiles: [mumbling] Fit: Hooray. Tina: Hip Hip Hooray! F: Let's - Let's just get married. Fit: Hooray. Tina: Hip Hip Hooray! Fit: Hooray. Wooooooo. Tina: He saved us. That's crazy! BBH: Okay. Oh, hey Etoiles. You - You're not focused, Forever. Tina: It's probably the most beautiful battle ever! Of all time! In a rose field! F: Yeah, I'm totally focused! I'm happy! Etoiles: Thank you, Tina! Tina: Yes! BBH: No - No, you're focused on the wrong thing - Etoiles: You see, I clicked well! I clicked well! F: Guys, can you give me and Bad a moment, please? - Tina: [Overlapping with Forever] I'm so sorry - F: - We are having a deep conversation, I am asking him to get married! Tina: - I'm so sorry Mr. President, I didn't know. Etoiles: Okay! Okay, Forever, what I, Forever, I - I don't understand, like, there's the code who's attacking us, and you don't give a shit, but you are the president? F: Where - Where is the codes? I want to help you guys! Everything will be perfect! Tell me. Pierre: Congratulations Badboy and Mr. President, congratulations F: If the codes are not here right now, Etoiles, you are just being inconvenient, because I want to get married, and you are just in the way, man - Etoiles: Okay - F: - Go away, please! Etoiles: Okay, okay, I will go away. Okay, okay. F: If the codes show up, you will tell me, okay? BBH: [short confused laugh] F: [cheering as Etoiles walks away] YES! BBH: [looking around at the sky] F: See, Bad? This is how we solve problems. Isn't that perfect? Pierre: Can I be your best man for the wedding? BBH: What? No? There's not gonna be a wedding - F: He asks me for drugs all the time, Bad, he just asks me for drugs. BBH: - okay? F: [laughing] Pierre: Huh? BBH: He's obviously not in his right mind, AyPierre. Pierre: Yes, look at this smile! Must use a lot of uh… BBH: A smile doesn't mean a whole lot. F: Pierre, I will, I will tell Cucurucho, man, I told you already. Pierre: Yes, I want to be happy… F: Cucurucho will come to you and he will put the smile on your face! Pierre: Yes! F: Now go away, I want to get married. Pierre: I want it! F: (Portuguese as Pierre leaves) F: Oh my god, finally some silence. So Bad, BBH: mhm. F: Don't you think this place looks beautiful? BBH: I guess. F: Oh my god, they're still around so the translator is just crazy. Let's change it again please. Sorry, but - F: (Portuguese, I am assuming it is more ooc focused, my apologies. If I'm wrong, feel free to correct me!)

[Break for when they move locations, this is where the clip above begins.]

F: So Bad, BBH: Yes? F: What is it going to be? Are you going to get married, or not? BBH: Why do you want to get married? F: Yeah, because everything's perfect, right? A marriage would be perfect, as well! BBH: Why do you think everything's perfect? F: Why don't you think everything's perfect? BBH: Because we don't have our kids, Forever. They're gone. F: No, no they're just fine, man! You are not seeing the world the way you should, Bad, and I'm going to tell you - BBH: How should I be seeing it? F: I'm here for you, buddy. I'm here for you, buddy, okay? BBH: Is anyone here for you? F: And I'm going to tell Cucurucho that he should help you! Like he did to me. BBH: I don't want his help. F: You need his help, Bad. Just - BBH: I don't need his help, Forever. F: - Bad, you are looking bad, Bad, - BBH: I feel fine. F: - you know? BBH: You know what would help me, Forever? F: So let's get married! BBH: Forever. You know what would help me? F: Hm? What? BBH: Tell that white puffball to give me my son back. To bring back all of our kids. F: White puffball? What does that mean? BBH: Cucurucho. F: Okay. BBH: What does he want? What does he want, Forever? Does he want diamonds? F: Why do you think Cucurucho is the one with the eggs? Why do you think Cucurucho is the one with your child? BBH: I know it was him, Forever. F: What are you guys getting from exploding the whole city? Why did I become the president that's trying to help everyone, and you guys are just exploding everything? This is funny man, this is perfect. [laughs] You know? You guys are just too crazy! [laughs] Man, you guys are exploding stuff, and you all are saying that I need help? [laughs] That's funny, man, that's funny! BBH: We need our kids back, Forever. That's why. We'll stop, all Cucurucho has to do is return the eggs. I want Dapper back, I want Pomme back, all the kids back. F: Why do you think Cucurucho is the one with the eggs? BBH: He obviously is the one with the eggs, okay? F: What proof do you have? BBH: Remember - F: Cucurucho's great, Bad. BBH: - I saw - F: Uh huh. BBH: - It was a strange person in the federation building, Mysterioso or whatever his name was? F: [laughs] Yeah, he doesn't like [I cannot figure out what he says here] BBH: I saw him at the federation building. I bet that's the same person who gave Sofia's plans to Maximus. F: [laughing] BBH: That means the Federation was responsible for Sofia. F: Okay, okay. BBH: That means they're behind everything! There's not anything they don't know about. F: Did Maximus tell you that that man is the same one that gave Sofia to him. BBH: He said it was a mysterious hooded figure, and there's only one - F: There's only - Can only be one - BBH: - mysterious hooded figure. F: - It can only be one. BBH: If the federation does not - did not take the kids, they know who did, and they know where they are - F: Ohh. BBH: - I just want them back, that's it. F: Yeah.

BBH: What do they want - What do they want, Forever? Mr. President? You're in contact with them, what do they want? F: Well, Bad, I can tell you something, you know? This is actually quite funny, this is actually quite funny. BBH: What's funny about it? F: So everyone on the island thinks that I, being the president - me, being the president - means that I'm working for the Federation, but do you know what you guys don't see? BBH: What? F: I am the only one working for you guys! A favor(?), you know, the federation does what they want. I'm the only one that tried to represent the people of the island. BBH: So you're trying to get our kids back? F: Oh, they're just fine right now. BBH: Where are they? F: I don't know, sleeping maybe? BBH: How do you they're fine? F: Cucurucho said it's classified! Isn't that funny? BBH: Do you believe it? F: That it's classified? I don't know, is there anything to believe in that? BBH: [sighs] BBH: What happened to you, Forever? F: What? BBH: What happened to you? What did they do to you? F: Uh, I don't know what you're talking about, Bad. I'm just feeling so good, 'cuz everything's so good man. BBH: This isn't like you. You're not acting like yourself. F: Why? Why, I'm happy? I'm not happy? You say I'm not a happy person? BBH: That's just it Forever, you wouldn't be this happy with Richarlyson missing. F: Richarlyson's okay, he's just - BBH: Is he? Is he? F: - sleeping a lot. BBH: Has he gotten up? Has he danced around? Has he put any signs down? Has he said anything to you? Have you built any projects with him recently? Have you done anything with him at all? F: [Deep sigh that turns into a laugh] No, no. BBH: Then how is he fine? F: [long pause] Bad, I have something I would like to show you. Or maybe test on you. BBH: What? F: You know, you guys are just so funny with that clock joke. BBH: Clock joke? F: Yeah, I want to test something. F: Don't you want to get married? BBH: I want my son back. I want Dapper, Pomme, F: [begins launching mines] BBH: [evades, throws health potions] F: STOP THAT FUCKING CLOCK NOISE. BBH: You like your mines, Forever? BBH: It won't bring Richarlyson back.

To start from the beginning, BBH is under no pretenses that this would be a marriage proposal of all things. All he is aware of is that Forever wants to have a serious discussion with him. He's also gone out of his way to put himself on a Death totem, meaning he has every possibility to be downed if Forever were to successfully attack him.

With Forever's current mental state and reinforcing a societal idealism & a desired performance of aggressive happiness and "normalcy" - his character now desiring something like a marriage can be read multiple ways. For one, an imitation of how one of his closest friends, his ex-husband no less, was recently married and is currently considered one of the best federation workers (albeit begrudging on Cellbit's part). For two, a marriage is a pretty huge symbol of a plastique performance of a perfect life. Especially in this context, it's saccharine, it's a status symbol, everyone wants it. With the medication as well, we don't truly know if Forever genuinely feels strongly about BBH to want to marry him, or if he feels he has to be in a marriage for a "perfect" life with BBH being "the best option" as a spouse. (Again, this is not a criticism of Forever's character, this is a very symbolically rich move for him to do, and I, personally, cannot get enough of it.)

Now back to BBH, this is a guy who is admittedly not looking for romance, not trying to romance anyone, and is currently in the middle of a character arc having to do with how pissed he is at Forever for not running the government in a way he approves, and then getting wrongfully jailed by Forever. I do not think BBH is in any way afraid of Forever as a person, but I do think BBH has concerns about what he may be forced to do in an attempt to get his children back. BBH as a character in general has very, very little regard for his own life, watch a pov of himself in a dungeon and just see how many totems pop, but he does care about his kids more than anything else in the world. The way his character goes about his care for his kids isn't something that often occurs in more masculine-presented characters like him either, frankly I think a lot of more ship oriented readings of him end up hyper-feminizing him* because of this "maternal" archetype.

In a return to Forever's saccharine performance of perfectionism, I find the moments Forever makes the both of them move across the rose field - The rose field, previously quite literally stained by blood as Etoiles had just finished another battle with the code there, tensions are running high and everyone is still distressed from the eggs going missing - I realize it's because cc!Forever ooc wanted to move to not have the chatbox be interrupted by other people speaking, but it's just so good thematically. He keeps moving to have a better view of roses. It's never perfect enough. They have to keep moving. They have to be alone. Nobody else is allowed to be around when he corners BBH with the marriage proposal. Nobody can get in the way.

Speaking of people interrupting, the other members appearing in the middle of the conversation adds to the fridge horror that's been subtly happening all the way through. Nobody pauses and makes sure BBH is okay throughout this scene, everybody is extremely sure that he is fine and can handle himself. The only person to even make a criticism of Forever is Etoiles, over being somewhat irritated that it looks like Forever has been doing little to nothing as President to aid new members or former islanders (despite this technically not being true, Etoiles has seen none of it, and has been giving new players items continuously in an effort to help them, as well as has had little time to do anything except fight code entities).

And then onto the rejection, BBH never agrees to the marriage at all, because why would he? I've seen quite a lot of discussion thus far that he doesn't reject Forever outright, but I disagree, it's a little moment in there, and I couldn't get it in the video posted itself, but he explicitly tells Pierre "there's not gonna be a wedding," and then is cut off by Forever. It's quiet, I don't think many people heard it outright, but BBH is right in his assertion Forever isn't in his right mind to be asking for marriage in the first place.

The other side of that, however, is that BBH is very well aware Forever didn't want to hear an outright rejection either. BBH knows what Forever is capable of, and he knows this version of Forever is not his usual self. It's not an easy situation, especially when he's fully under the impression Forever does have some power with the Federation, and fully believes the Federation has the eggs. Whether or not this is actually true doesn't really matter to Bad's perspective here, he's deadset in this belief. With that belief in mind, how is someone supposed to respond to being cornered about marriage - a concept he has little interest in - but the person cornering him is 1. known to be volatile due to recent events, 2. potentially has some form of contact to the people currently holding the eggs captive, and potentially put his children more at risk than they already are, 3. the literal only person in power on the island.

I don't think BBH ever believed he had the option to outright tell Forever no, he's in a depressed state as is, his kids might be dead for all he knows, and he has the impression Forever could bring harm to them.

Admittedly it is interesting how many outright untrue facts BBH holds onto, but cannot change his belief in them. His opinion and perspective of Forever is one thing, but it's much, much more obvious when he brings up the connection between the new Mysterioso and the previous masked person who gave the plans for Sofia to Maxo, those were two separate unknown figures as we know as the audience, but Bad does not know this, and does make assumptions and connect dots in his own right, tending to his own detriment. This is all intended here, he's wrong about Forever factually, but to his knowledge he's acting in the best way he can. He's under the impression Forever is just not telling the full truth to him about everything with the eggs disappearing, and believes the federation is lying. I think it's made even more obvious he's prioritizing the eggs over everything else here, especially with his final statement about Richarlyson. BBH believes the eggs are the only true way to every player's heart, and blatantly ignores the actual romance aspect of what marriage implies, because romance genuinely does not matter to him at all. He doesn't have time to worry about being in a relationship if his son might be dead.

Mostly, I find this scene to be a great relationship horror set up, because damn if I haven't been on dates like this, where I feel like I can't say no or something might happen. I understand the paranoia and anxiety surrounding q!BBH's mindset in the moment. It isn't a rational response by any means, no, but it is a very aggressively human response to this situation for a demon to have.

Basically, I don't think BBH is a fundamentally romantic character in the first place, nor do I think he'd ever be happy in a cutesy marriage position anyway, he never once responds romantically to any of this, and solely prioritizes the eggs, the final Richarlyson line cements this fact. It's not a dig at how Forever will never have BBH romantically - it's a dig at Forever based on what BBH's priority is, his kids.

*I want to be clear this statement is meant to be a neutral fact, it's just worth mentioning in an analysis like this that BBH as a character is more typically set on the feminine side by the fanbase, and how his character's interpretations are influenced by that reading.

[possibilistfanfiction]

For a prompt: honestly, I’d love to see more of outsider’s perspectives of Ava and Bea, like you did with the shopkeeper and her wife.

[tbh this has basically everyone u would want to see!! lol - 10k ao3 here]

//

yasmine

camila and beatrice have been video chatting often lately, and have figured out something encouraging,  you think. you try to understand everything, but it seems like, especially when jillian is on, they're speaking a whole different language. sometimes you're a little blown away by the both of them still: camila is brilliant at anything to do with technology, and kind, and funny; beatrice is brilliant at, well, just about everything, and, even though she's been working steadfastly to research how to get ava back, she still has sunkissed skin now, light hair and freckles. sometimes you see a flash of a tattoo on her wrist.

it hadn't really surprised you, to see ava lean forward while the whole entire world was ending and kiss beatrice — a little awkward, for you, but mostly achy. you haven't ever cared about sexuality, but you definitely don't when it comes to the two of them: because there's harm and then there's duty and then there's love.

one day you're sitting with camila, pretending to read more than actually reading, when beatrice facetimes. you know this because, honestly, sometimes you're a little nosy. it's fine; you helped save the world and sometimes the ocs, with incessant and constant training, gets kind of dull.

when camila answers, beatrice is crying. from what you can see, she's in a sports bra, you're pretty sure; you're scared, for a moment, that she's hurt, or that something really bad has happened, but then she's laughing and say, 'ava's here; ava's here,' and camila starts to cry.

'she's — she's okay?'

and then, a literal fucking miracle, ava's face — the same as you remember; so pretty and with a friendly smile — pops up on screen.

'holy shit,' camila says, and then she's laughing too, her eyes filling with tears. 'hi, ava.'

'hey,' ava says, then crams in next to where beatrice is sitting on the couch, practically on her lap, but you can't really begrudge them. beatrice is in a pair of sweatpants and, indeed, a sports bra; ava has, ostensibly, changed from whatever outfit she came back in, because she's wearing a big soft t-shirt and a comfortable pair of shorts. maybe that's what she wore in — wherever she was, but you're pretty certain those are beatrice's clothes. 'yasmine too, hello.'

beatrice is still crying and smiling and ava leans into her side, runs her fingers gently under her eyes to dry her tears.

'— how?' is the only thing camila gets out: are you okay?; do you remember us?; do you want to kill us now?; how long have you been gone?; are you still the ava we know?; what is going to happen to this world now? sits in your chest, but ava just shrugs.

'i heard bea, all the time.' beatrice blushes slightly, but she just tucks her face into ava's arm from a moment. 'and all of you too. but, bea, the strongest. i think it had something to do with her being in the ocean, maybe? and the city of angels.' she turns to beatrice. 'a little on the nose, don't you think?'

'oh yeah,' camila says, 'that's it, definitely the only reason.'

beatrice rolls her eyes but ava just smiles. 'and because she loves me, i suppose.' she scoots even closer to beatrice, who sighs happily. 'something just — spit me out, i guess. right in bea's living room. which, if i do say so myself, is way better than cat's cradle, no offense.'

another miracle in a series of miracles beyond belief. 'wow,' you say, and there's a beat of silence before everyone is laughing again, camila wiping tears.

'anyway, maybe you can come to us, tomorrow?' ava asks. 'i don't — i would like to stay here, if i can. if that works. at least for a few days.'

'you're — you're healed?' you can't help but ask.

ava nods. 'lots of scars,' she says, but then shrugs, and beatrice runs a gentle hand up and down her spine. 'but yeah, i'm good, as far as i can tell. not old as fuck, either, which rocks.'

'we can come tomorrow,' camila says, then starts crying all over again. 'i can't wait to see you. both of you.'

ava grins. 'yeah, don't come too early, though. i have plans.'

beatrice really blushes then, coughs into ava's shoulder.

'i will be sure to let beatrice know before coming,' camila says.

ava's smile is way too bright, all of a sudden, and beatrice groans and you kind of want to cover your ears before ava says, 'that's what i'll be doing tonight.'

'goodbye, ava,' camila says, even though she laughs. 'i love you, so much.'

ava leans into the camera, like she wants to reach through it. 'i love you too. i am — there are no words for what i feel, seeing you all again. and how much i missed you.'

'well, have fun tonight,' camila says. 'please don't tell me any details when we visit tomorrow.'

'this one time, i'll spare you.'

'thank god.'

//

keiko

you meet her on an otherwise unremarkable monday afternoon. you're running through your forms before the advanced adult class you teach, and when she walks in, you notice her immediately: muscular in a cutoff tank, in a way that's unassuming and speaks to years of training specifically in martial art, a calm expression on her face. her hair is back in a meticulously neat bun, and, when she sees the wall of bo you've spent a few years collecting, her shoulders relax and she lets out a big breath. vanessa is at the front desk and, while she's the best to go out in weho with, she's not the most knowledgable.

'hi,' you say, stepping up beside the desk. 'i'm keiko.'

she offers her hand and shakes firmly, calluses similar to yours. 'beatrice,' she says. 'pleasure.'

'can i help you with anything?'

'i'm hoping to join a dojo.'

'well,' you gesture to, in fact, the dojo behind you, 'you've come to the right place.'

she grants you a small smile.

'we have classes, all levels. would you like me to show you around?'

'that would be wonderful, thank you.'

and you had shown her around; you had sold her a monthly trial membership — a few advanced adult classes and some time for open practice — and a gi and obi — she'd calmly informed you that she's a black belt, and when she came in the next afternoon for the advanced class you teach, you had felt immediately embarrassed when she runs through forms with the kind of power and ease you had only seen a few times in your life, even at the olympics and world championships.

'that was a great class,' she says, far too kind a compliment for someone who is probably the one person you've met since you retired a few years ago who could beat you in a competition.

'you are — incredible.'

she shoulders the compliment with reluctance. 'i haven't trained in quite a while.'

'that is honestly insane.'

she laughs, after a moment. 'a much needed mental health break,' she says. 'but it felt good, to return to this, in this way.'

'do you — i saw you looking at the bo the other day,' you say, and you don't miss the way her hands twitch. 'would you like to use one? i have to clean and close up, anyway.'

she hesitates, but then, 'are you sure?'

'absolutely,' you say. 'pick any one you want; you can train over there, it's got the best view of the ocean.'

'that's very kind.' she's solemn, and a little quiet. 'thank you, keiko.'

she walks, barefoot and at home in her gi, and runs her hands gently over each bo. she picks a medium length one, black and sleek and heavier than your favorite, and then takes a deep breath and starts moving so beautifully you can't even quite follow it. it's mesmerizing, and you watch until she slows and then sets the bow on the ground and, to your surprise, sniffles. she wipes tears off her cheeks and you quickly start cleaning, granting her as much privacy as possible. she takes a deep breath and then takes the bo and walks back over to the wall.

'if i find one of my own,' she says, 'can i store it here? it's all right if not, of course.'

'you're more than welcome to do that.' you don't quite know what to say to her, the most talented martial artist you've ever seen in your life, who never competed at any events you know of, randomly in your dojo, who had just cried running through forms with a bo, small and coiled tightly. 'and, honestly, you don't have to feel like you need to come to classes. you're more than welcome, but i think you're beyond anything i would have to teach you.'

she laughs after a few seconds. 'i really did enjoy it.'

'maybe thursday we could spar? i'm here in the morning.'

she seems to weigh it, but then she nods. 'that sounds fun. thank you, keiko.'

you get to know her quickly: the way she moves and her favorite forms and the first time she throws you, you lie on your back in a little bit of shock: you haven't lost in years. she just stands calmly and offers you a hand. 'who are you?'

she just laughs.

you get to know her, as the days go along. you get lunch, one day, and you flirt with the host and the waiter — 'i love cute boys,' you say, 'what can i say?' — which amuses her.

'my partner is a flirt,' she says, but the smile slips from her face before she can stop it. she clears her throat. 'she's very sick, right now,' she says, quickly, as if to avoid your questions. 'but, still,' she says, sitting up a little straighter, gathering herself, 'a flirt.'

you learn not to ask about her partner; you learn that she surprisingly loves pepperoni pizza and beer; you learn that she's rich and lives in a beautiful house on the beach, but she's generous and lowkey, especially compared to everyone else in los angeles. she works in tech for a firm in spain — the details vague, but that's tech anyway — and, when you offer to let her teach a kids class, she smiles gently and accepts. she's patient and seems to enjoy correcting their form and teaching them kata one step at a time; she encourages them and makes sure to teach, quietly, that the goal is never, ever to harm, only to protect. she's one of your best friends, quickly, and is also impossible to beat whenever you spar. she goes out with you and your friends in weho one night, gets very drunk and turns down what feels like an entire club of women, and then tells you, on your couch at home while you give her a glass of water, that her partner’s name is ava, and that she’s kind and smart and beautiful and loves to dance. she doesn’t cry, but she curls up, small and sad; you haven’t mentioned it since.

one day, beatrice texts you, early in the morning, Hello! Ava's treatment worked, so she's back with me now, for the foreseeable future.

it's very businesslike, but she's always a stiff texter, and you know how excited she must be, how relieved.

Hopefully forever, she sends, and you know you're right.

you meet ava a few days later, hanging onto beatrice's side when she comes to the dojo after a few days off. you realize, in one flash of a moment, clear and sacred, that you really have never seen beatrice smile before — not until ava looks at her when she takes her bo off the wall with the softest expression. devotion; adoration. love. beatrice blushes and returns it, a smile in full force so powerful it knocks the air out of you slightly.

you also realize that you've never seen beatrice show off before, and you decide, right then and there, you're never sparring while ava is watching. you can lose, sure, but being humiliated is not on your to-do list. when you tell ava that, as she watches beatrice in a little bit of a daze, she just laughs. 'she's incredible.'

'yeah,' you agree as beatrice swipes the bo along the ground so hard you think she could break an ankle, then stands without a breath in between. 'she is.'

//

ray

the second time you meet ava, she's in a tiny bikini, bright orange, with a wispy gossamer coverup that you're sure beatrice bought just for her. it kind of makes you laugh, and it's barely warm enough to be out without a sweater, let alone in a bikini, but ava waves when you come in from the whitewater. bea is still waiting at the outer break, exhausted this morning for reasons that made her blush and you had laughed, delightedly.

'your girl is taking forever to catch anything today,' you say.

ava almost glows, you think, at your girl. 'we didn't get much sleep last night,' ava tells you with a wink. you grin and high five and then offer her a spot on your towel after you unzip your wetsuit and pull it down to rest along your waist.

ava is beautiful. you had wanted to know her, for months, and finally, she's here — young and so, so pretty; small and surprisingly muscular. you would never say anything, but you know she had been sick, and there are scars all over her body, puckered and angry still, shiny and pink. you know bea doesn't care, and you don't either, but ava moves a little gingerly and you fight the urge to ask if she needs help. she settles, eventually, legs stretched out in front of her and her palms behind, leaning back into the sun, face turned up toward it. she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in, then slowly lets it out.

you notice beatrice about to catch a wave, and you're happy when ava seems, like a sixth sense, to open her eyes just in time. bea is talented: balanced and strong and had learned to surf on a short board and relatively big swells quicker than anyone else you'd taught; when she’d shown you her bo one day — mostly because it was just out on her coffee table — you had been both very turned on and a little terrified. she’s the most gifted athlete you know, and so it’s no surprise when. she rides the biggest wave of the day all the way in, kissing the lip a few times, and ava sighs.

'she's so hot, jesus christ.'

'no comment.'

she laughs. 'we didn't get a ton of time together, really, before i... got sick.' she pauses, looking at beatrice collecting her board in the whitewater. 'she was scared. but now, it's like —' she shakes her head — 'i just love her so much.'

'yeah,' you say, a little teary for your friend. 'i can tell you, without a doubt, that she loves you too.'

ava grins, then stands and walks toward beatrice, who lets ava pull down the zipper of her wetsuit with gratuitous hands, a kiss to the nape of her neck, and then grabs beatrice's hand and laces their fingers together. 'wanna come over for breakfast?'

'i would — yeah,' you say, 'i would really love that.'

you step in, quickly, once ava cracks an egg so hard it goes all over the counter and beatrice only looks on in adoration.

'you're a disaster,' you tell her, but she just shrugs. ava is still in her bikini and cover up, and beatrice's hands sit on her hips while you fry some eggs and chop up vegetables to make a passable pico. she smiles into the crook of ava's neck and they make you a little breathless: a happiness that quiet; a love that big.

//

ayanna

you've been working at this coffee shop for a week now, and every morning, the hottest woman you've ever seen walks in, clearly just from the beach, and orders the same thing in a british accent that makes you want to groan. you're new to this part of los angeles, which is bougie as hell. it's mostly white influencers who order overly complicated drinks for no reason, but the pay is above minimum wage and your manager has worked with your class schedule easily enough.

plus — beatrice.

she's quiet, exceedingly polite and always tips at least twice of what her drink costs. she smiles and has freckles and you burn your hand more than once sneaking a glance at her strong arms and tattoo on her wrist and, eventually, a new one on her shoulder and collarbone that you had seen because she's decided to make your 6:42 am better by wearing a cutoff tank and shorts today.

'good morning, ayanna,' she says, and it's fucking electrifying that she knows your name, even if you have a nametag on your apron — it still counts.

'hey, beatrice. how were the waves this morning?'

she leans against the counter, just slightly, and you will yourself to keep your cool. 'how much do you know about surfing?'

'nothing, really.'

she laughs, not unkind. 'well, in that case, the outer break was far, which means i had to paddle a lot, but the waves were beautiful. can't regret it.'

'uh,' you say, super smooth, 'regular order?'

'yes,' she says, 'and can you add a chocolate croissant? oh, and an olive oil coffee cake. thank you.'

beatrice doesn't seem like the kind of person to eat a croissant and a coffee cake for breakfast, but who are you to judge: that sounds awesome, frankly. you tell her your total and she tips, like always, excessively, and then collects everything with a kind smile.

'have a great day,' she says, and you're too flustered to say anything other than an extremely eloquent, 'same.' mohammed laughs at you from where he's unpacking more to-go cups and you flip him off before you greet the next customer.

/

it's a few days later when your routine gets broken by another beautiful woman, who seems a little in awe of this stupid, trendy coffee shop, but beatrice wasn't in yesterday and it's already 7:19 and she hasn't been in today. it's not that you expect her, really, but she is the best part of your shift, so, whatever. you can have a harmless crush if you want.

'hi,' this new person says, and then reads your nametag. 'ayanna, what's up?'

your mind blanks, because you're pretty much face to face with an angel: she's small and lively and has pretty, delicate features and her hair is pushed back beneath a bright pink beanie, just at her chin. her hands, playing with a small, elegant black wallet, are delicate too. 'nothing,' you get out, 'just, you know, work.'

she smiles. 'yeah, i'm a bartender. opposite end of the day, but i get you.'

you glance down at your screen, just to have something to do other than stare. 'so, what's your order?'

she gets out her phone and reads off iced coffee with cold foam, and then locks it and inspects your pastries. 'can i get one of each? i want to try them all.'

you laugh, something fond and a little ridiculous about that, but you say, 'sure thing. what's the name?'

'ava,' she says. 'thanks.'

mohammed rolls his eyes at you while he gets the iced coffee ready and you put each pastry neatly in a to-go box, because ava is right there and you certainly hadn't needed to get her name. but whatever, she's gorgeous and it's early. ava tucks the box of pastries under her arm. 'ava, tell me which is your favorite the next time you come in.'

ava seems delighted by this. a good sign. 'sure thing,' she says, and then waves.

/

the next morning, it all comes crashing down. there's horrendous traffic, even at 5 am, and you barely make it on time. there's a rush of rude ass customers way too early, and you spill a shot of espresso down your apron.

but, then you see beatrice, and it's wonderful, and perfect, and so great: you're ready today, to ask for her number; you can do it. but then you see ava walk in right behind her after holding the door open, and it's like slow motion when ava bumps into beatrice's side and laces their fingers together and places a sweet kiss to her shoulder. you know there are flowers that sit there, under her hoodie, gorgeous in their greyscale, and ava seems to know as well.

'ayanna,' beatrice says, the biggest, most contented smile on her face, 'good morning.'

you nod and smile, although you're a little crushed. 'hey, beatrice. and hi, ava.'

'hello!' it's way too early for this kind of cheer but it's a little infectious.

'this is my partner, ava,' beatrice says, as if it wasn't horrifically obvious.

'back from quite the business trip,' ava says, looking at the pastries again. 'very remote, no sweets. gotta make up for lost time, you know?'

beatrice blanches a little but ava looks at her sweetly and she recovers. 'can i get my usual, and whatever chaotic order ava wants?'

ava laughs. 'my favorite was a tie,' she says, 'between the chocolate croissant and the olive oil coffee cake. which, i know, beatrice, you had said, but whatever, okay?'

beatrice smiles. 'okay, ava.'

they both, despite their bickering, are so tangibly happy your spirits lift. you'll take the L, if you have to, for people to have what they clearly do. they overtip, as always, and then take their leave.

'ouch,' mohammed says. '0 for 2 this morning.'

you sigh. 'more fish in the sea, i guess. gotta keep the faith.'

he laughs. 'that's the spirit.'

//

jillian

'okay,' ava says, sitting up as best she can with a grimace, 'if bea can't get into bed with me, what about you?'

you spare a glance for beatrice, who only rolls her eyes in amusement and underlying sadness: ava is in pain, to the point where she can't walk, can barely sit or lie down. she's on muscle relaxers and pain medicine so she's comfortable, but it's complicated and tedious, to try to fix her spine — or, more realistically, stabilize it — without killing her.

'how about we see how you're feeling after surgery?'

ava groans. 'that's so boring, jillian.'

you walk to her bedside and take her hand, squeeze it gently. 'ready?'

ava takes a deep breath, braver than anyone you've ever known in your life, time and time again. she looks at beatrice, who bends down and kisses ava gently. ava tucks a strand of beatrice's hair behind her ear and then cups her face. 'in this life.'

beatrice nods. 'in this life.'

'i love you, bea.'

beatrice kisses ava's forehead, eyes closed in reverence. 'i love you, ava.'

ava looks at you and then nods, teary and afraid. 'ready.'

other than your son, you have never been as determined as you are now. you control all of the tech to make sure ava is fully sedated but still alive, that the halo is dormant enough to allow the surgeons to work on her spine without it healing their interventions immediately. it's kind of a miracle, you think, that it all works — but, then again, it seems that ava is prone to miracles. it goes smoothly, without a hitch. ava will have chronic pain and limited mobility, at least some days, during flares — but it will be manageable. it will be livable.

beatrice is asleep when you bring ava back into the room, wheeling the bed as quietly as possible. she stirs, exhausted, from her chair, and you get to tell her — and then, after, a crowded room of ava's people, ava's family, waiting nervously — that it had gone as best as it could. you were sure she was alive, and that she'd wake up, and that, as far as you can understand, her pain would be significantly reduced. ava deserves more than that, much more, but it's what you can give.

you wake beatrice gently, a squeeze to her shoulder. you tell her first, because ava loves her: 'she did great. everything went as perfectly as it could.'

beatrice sniffles and then stands and hugs you. 'thank you,' she says, strong and calm and trembling with the force of it: the love of her life, safe and cared for.

'hot,' ava rasps from bed, and beatrice laughs and lets go of you and hurries to ava's side, takes her hand.

'hello, darling.'

ava lifts her hand and cups bea's cheek, and then wiggles her toes under the blanket. she grins up at beatrice, then grins at you. 'it worked?'

'yes,' you say, and it can't bring back your son and you can't fix the world, heaven or hell, but this — this — you can do: 'it did.'

//

mary

'hey,' you say, softly, when you notice beatrice start to stir on the couch. she presses her nose into the pillow behind her head, then the couch cushion, and then reaches up and rubs her eyes, scratches above her ear, and scrubs a hand over her face and blinks dazedly.

'a new shift?' beatrice looks around at the walls and windows darkening, trying to gain her bearings. she's in a hoodie and shorts, comfortable and soft, a pair of pale pink socks on her feet, her broken leg in its brace propped on a few pillows. ava had carefully draped a soft blanket over her, but beatrice had thrown it mostly to the side in her sleep.

'we're not working, beatrice.' you say it kindly, though, and offer her a glass of water with a metal straw ava had shown you proudly in one of the drawers in their kitchen. she sips greedily, without any embarrassment — maybe she's on pain meds enough to not care; maybe she's known you for so, so long it doesn't matter; maybe she's been shown a degree of love you have known only once.

she pats your hand. 'i know.' she wrinkles her nose. 'where's ava?'

'i threatened her to take a walk.'

beatrice laughs. 'glad to know she still understands who the best of us is.'

you want to argue with her — you're the best of us, beatrice; you always have been — but her head lolls to the side on the cushion and her eyes are fluttering open and closed. 'i like your haircut,' you offer instead. you wonder, with pride, what she's learned about herself, what she's let come forward that she's always known.

she smiles softly. 'yeah?'

'yeah. you’ve got a great soft dyke vibe going on. looks good on you.'

you’re not sure about the word, but you love her and you understand. and — she grins. ‘that’s the goal. androgynous and comfortable. i — i’ve grown into what i want, i think.’

'speaking for myself, i love to see it. it’s a whole vibe.’

‘yeah.’ she looks down and fiddles with her phone case for a second, not coordinated like usual. 'hey, so, feel free to tell me to fuck off forever, if you want, but one of my best friends is... basically the best.' she squints, focusing so intently and still producing a mildly incoherent sentence. it’s charming. 'i know there's no one that could — i know, mary. i know. but i think you'd like her.'

your heart aches, because beatrice lost ava but she came back; because beatrice has hurt all the same. and shannon wouldn't have wanted you to shut yourself off from the world. 'she's hot?'

beatrice laughs delightedly, pushing herself to sit up further. 'very, very hot. if you need backup, just ask ava.'

'ava thinks everyone is hot.'

'true. but, most of all, me.'

she says it with such stoned confidence it's hard to even tease her. 'okay,' you say, 'when should i meet your friend, then?'

beatrice gets out her phone and slowly clicks through a few screens, then squints. 'she'll be here in twenty minutes for dinner.' she holds her phone close to your face, not at all steady, but you do make out your name and then ray making the best birria ever (for ava) one right after another.

'should i stay for dinner, then?'

she grins. 'i think i'm falling back asleep. so you should definitely stay. she could use some company.' she stares into space for a minute. 'let me send ava a voice note so they know not to pester you when they get back.'

'maybe a text?'

beatrice just shrugs and sends a meandering three minute long voice note, sort of explaining the situation but mostly proclaiming her undying love, and so you follow up with a coherent text saying, beatrice wants me to meet your friend. if things are going well, can you not third wheel? you owe me, and ava responds with a, FUCK YEAH!!!!! you're the best and ray is the best!! bea is a genius, and then, i'll make up so many totally valid excuses to leave you two alone, and, finally, the patio is very romantic. dig into bea's stash of very expensive wine and whiskey too, in my honor.

you laugh, and tell beatrice that ava was excited about the idea.

'speak of the devil.'

ava puts her tote down when she gets in the front door, a bouquet of flowers poking out from it. 'mm, not quite.' she kisses bea on the top of her head and then proceeds to do the same to you, although you swat her away. 'try god's favorite angel instead.'

'i will never.'

beatrice looks at ava, adoringly, too much for you to stomach sometimes. 'want to go to the balcony? i can nap out there just as easily as in here.'

'totally,' ava says. 'mary, have fun with ray. you can text me when the birria is finished and i'll just pop by to grab some for us. but she really is awesome, even just as a friend.'

'a spontaneous blind date,' you say, although you do have a few butterflies in your stomach. it doesn't feel wrong, to go on a date, although you do feel sad, and longing, because you had something beautiful and it didn't last. but, still: 'this better be as fun as you promise.'

'it definitely will be,' beatrice slurs, and ava looks at you amusedly.

'okay, you're way too high to be trusted in this situation. let's go.'

'i don't need help,' beatrice says, although it's a full task to watch her sit up and get her crutches from their resting place against the side of the couch. but she does it, slowly and unsteadily, and ava puts a careful hand to her low back when she wobbles. but then all is well, and beatrice tries to wink at you and fails, and it makes you laugh. 'have so much fun, mary.'

you promise to try, and you pick up the book ava had been reading earlier, pretending to do something with your hands as you hear them bicker as they very, very slowly make their way up down the hall, but eventually a door closes and it's quiet. hey shannon, you pray, as you often do, i might kiss someone else soon. sorry. but i think you would be happy in this life, especially if she's hot. ava is annoying, but so good; you would be proud of her. beatrice you're always proud of, i know it. i love you, in the next.

it settles something inside you, and when ray lets herself in their front door, your breath catches a little: she has a mess of black curls cut to her ears, and tattoos down both arms, a linen button up only fastened halfway up her chest, a few chains sitting there. she's smaller than you, and she tucks her sunglasses into her shirt and then smiles.

'hey,' she says, 'i'm ray. she/her pronouns. beatrice sent me a very incoherent voice note that her "hot friend mary" was here, finishing out a business trip, and that i should woo you by making dinner tonight.' she holds up her grocery tote. 'hopefully you're mary, because you are in fact very hot.'

you laugh. 'well, i don't know about the last part, but i am mary. beatrice and i go way back.'

'amazing.' she settles, familiar, at the kitchen island. 'do you like to cook? beatrice and ava are disasters.'

'i love to cook.'

she grins. 'good,' she says. 'birria is their favorite, so it's good to know, if you'll be around for a bit.'

she's beautiful, and her forearms are strong and her hands quick when she starts to lay out the ingredients. you tell yourself to be brave: beatrice and ava and their big house full of love, overlooking the ocean. so you stand next to ray, elbows bumping for a moment, and she smiles at you in a way that makes you feel electric. 'i think i just might,' you say.

she nods down at the onions she's setting aside, but her smile doesn't fade at all. 'well, if you want help looking for a place, let me know. unless you want an insane house like this, in which i can't help at all.'

you laugh. 'it is beautiful, though.'

'yeah,' she says. 'i love it here.'

you think, as you let ray explain tasks and her great-grandmother's recipe, as you open a few windows and hear ava's laughter waft in from outside, like the sweet spices you add to the meat, as ray squeezes your hand, just once, after you finish chopping cilantro.

you might kill ava when she comes in to get their plates a few hours later and quips, 'oh good, you're already betrothed. congrats!' before walking away. you throw a chip at her that falls disappointingly short, but she laughs, and you think you just might love it here too.

//

angela

you're finding a table on the patio of your favorite wine bar when you see beatrice sitting at one near the railing, alone, writing in a journal. there's a part of you that doesn't want to interrupt but she's quiet, whenever she stops by for lunch with ava, and she reminds you a little of noel.

she looks up when you stand near, and then genuinely smiles. 'angela,' she says, and stands very properly; it's a breath of fresh air to see young people with manners still. 'what a nice surprise.'

'i can see you're busy.' gesture to her journal. 'so please feel free to say no, but would you mind if i joined you?'

'not at all,' she says, and then pulls out a chair for you before sitting back in her own and closing her journal. 'to tell you the truth, i haven't even ordered any wine yet.'

you laugh, charmed immensely already. 'well, shall we split a bottle? they have my favorite chardonnay here, if you like that.'

'i — yes,' she says. 'ava is working this afternoon, so that would be wonderful. i appreciate your company.'

she's a kid, you realize, all over again with a pang in your chest: when ruth had told you that she had invited someone in her early twenties to come to water aerobics, but then you had met ava and all of your frustration had gone by the wayside. 'likewise.' the server comes, one of your favorites, and asks happily if you'd like your typical glass. 'a bottle, instead, tommy,' you tell him, and he salutes with a grin, which makes beatrice laugh.

'you like this spot?'

'i do,' you say. 'it gets good light.'

she seems to understand what you mean, because she leans back and lets the sun rest on the planes of her face peacefully. ava hadn't stopped talking for days about beatrice cutting her hair, months ago, even more excited than when she herself had shown up with pale purple hair — ridiculous, in a way, but she had been happy and young and so you grant her it all. beatrice's has grown out a bit by now, which ava still talks about, and her muscles, and the freckles across her nose, all exuberant young love — but you can tell, you've always been able to tell, when someone feels comfortable in their skin. the utter joy of being a space where someone can become.

'i love the light here,' she says. 'i grew up in london, and then switzerland, so i've come to appreciate the sun.'

'my wife wanted to move here for that reason alone.' you laugh. 'we met in oakland, but she was so set on los angeles.'

beatrice seems deeply unfazed by wife, and thanks tommy for pouring her wine after you taste yours. 'how long were you together?'

'fifty-four years,' you say. 'married for fifty-two of them.' you roll your eyes. 'legally, for eleven, but i never cared much for that distinction.'

'of course,' she says. 'and, not to sound trite, but i'm sorry, for your loss.'

and it had been a profound one: you had no idea how to get up each morning, until ruth had dragged you to this ridiculous water aerobics class. so you smile, gently. 'noel was a light in this world. the breadth of that love — i wouldn't trade a single minute.'

she swallows, glances down and swirls her wine. 'i can only hope to have the same, with ava.'

you reach out and squeeze her hand. 'if it's all dependent on love, i'm certain you will. ava adores you.'

she sighs, looks into the sun again. 'i used to be a nun.'

you can't help but laugh. 'did you really?'

beatrice nods, and waits a moment before she laughs too. 'it seemed like the only thing that would keep me safe, from — from myself, i suppose. but then, of course, i met ava. a divinity, i suppose, more than i could've ever imagined, really.'

'noel was a reverend,' you say, and remember the benedictions she prayed at your feet: her neat suits and short hair and round-rimmed glasses as she got older, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes when she smiled.

beatrice smiles. 'would you like to tell me about her?'

you would, very much so, and so you do: you met at a protest when you were nineteen and she was twenty-one, and you kissed her two nights later underneath an apple tree just starting to blossom. she put you through law school, working three jobs, and when you finally got a job at a firm and ferociously worked your way up — for her — she went to divinity school. you had many children — beautiful boys in love with each other; beautiful girls in love with themselves — pass through your home, often showing up at noel's church with no family anymore. you fed them, and you had to watch so many of them die. and then — and then the world healed itself, in one particular way, and it was never easy; it has never been easy. you married noel once, in your garden, with your friends, and you married her again in her own church, years and years later, the rainbow flag outside and the stained glass the same kind of holy. it has been hard, and sorrowful, but it was worth it. the joy was worth it.

you see the gentle set of beatrice's shoulders, the way her chest is flat beneath her shirt, and you know she understands.

she sniffles and wipes under her eyes and then squeezes your hand tightly. 'i don't quite know what to say, but — thank you, for sharing. what a beautiful love.'

you clear your throat. 'yes. but, noel made me promise not to live a boring life, or to withhold any of my love. so if you have any aunts who might be interested —' you wiggle your eyebrows — 'please let me know.'

she laughs. 'unfortunately, i don't. but i'll be on the lookout.'

you make a big show of acting disappointed. 'well, i know you're taken — not that that has always stopped me before — but i'll take pity on ava. i like her.'

beatrice blushes, all the way to the tips of her ears, and you grin.

you finish your bottle of wine together, and she tells you about judo and aikido and about ava's new interest in geology; she asks about your greyhound rescue, malcolm, and his newest sweaters. she pays the bill, despite your protests — it's a particular joy of mine to use my homophobic parents' trust fund for queer gifts and adventures.

'bring ava, for dinner sometime,' you say. they have a house on the beach and a love that's so safe, so bright — but the world harms and harms and harms, and they are your children too.

'i would love that,' beatrice says, quiet and grateful. 'i would really love that.'

//

dakota

training service dogs is, in your opinion, the absolute best job in the world. your organization focuses on multi-purpose dogs, for medical and psychologic assistance, often both. it's a challenge, especially if handlers aren't fully equipped. but sometimes, it's your favorite thing ever.

when you first meet ava — and beatrice — you're charmed immediately. ava has a cane but sits down on the floor without hesitation to take korra into her lap, who immediately pinch bites but nuzzles into ava's arms anyway. 'bea,' she says, 'oh my god.'

'her name is korra,' you say, and beatrice laughs, just once, when ava perks up. 'she's small enough that you could change it, if you wanted to, but —'

'i love legend of korra,' ava cuts in. 'bisexual heroine! sick back tattoo. hot brilliant rich girlfriend.' she soots beatrice a wink, which makes her blush. 'i am not changing a perfect name for a perfect girl.'

'well then,' you say, 'do you mind if i sit with you and walk you through the plan?'

'oh,' ava says, 'i can get up. i just got excited.'

you wave her off. 'i like to play with her too. she's so sweet.'

'bea,' ava says with a grin, relieved that your decision was exclusively about the dog and nothing to do with her disability, 'you wore your old jeans just for this occassion.'

beatrice sighs, but she sits without any hesitation and melts, a little, when ava puts a squirming korra in her arms. 'hi, sweet girl,' she says, and runs her hand along korra's soft head and her feather-light spine. then she looks at you, 'do you mind if i record you? just audio. i know you'll give us all the instructions, but i find it helpful to have all forms of processing available so i can understand best.'

ava shoots you a glance sideways, trying not to laugh, but you keep it together. 'sure.'

beatrice and ava come in every session, five minutes early, with korra making incredible progress. eventually, ava comes by herself and happily explains that she's learned how to drive with hand controls on the days she needs to, which is fucking awesome. when you tell her that, she laughs and nods.

korra is a rockstar with her positive reinforcement training, and ava reports every time some new milestone she's reached. you'll work with the both of them for at least another year, but — 'you've done such an incredible job already, ava.'

ava shrugs, scratches behind korra's ears where she's happily sitting by ava's chair, calm and panting a little because she'd just worked on some difficult commands. 'i love to learn.' she shrugs. 'and i really love korra. i guess it's just — it is what it is, right? life and pain and whatnot. and, anyway, she helps.'

korra licks your hand when you offer her a small bite of a hot dog, and you swear she smiles at you. 'yeah, i know she does.'

//

marcus

Just do me a favor and look over the project before you roll your eyes at me, ekugbe texts you. admittedly, she is one of your favorite architects to work with, but she's also your ex. It's a good friend of mine, she follows up with, as if that's a plus. whatever. It's something you'll find meaning in, I promise.

it's annoying, because she's probably right, you think, and then she's definitely right when you open her email a few hours later and see detailed, gorgeous plans to redo a house on the water so that's it's ADA accessible. it's sleek and all clean lines, perfect materials planned; the owners, beatrice gu-knight and ava silva, you read, had clearly spared no expense in their plans, and, inevitably, ekugbe's mock ups are beautiful. you sigh. I'll meet with them, you text. you type out, But not because of you and then erase it, mostly because you sister keeps telling you that you don't need to send out more negative energy into the world.

you call beatrice's number the next day, and she's very proper and very british, and when you meet her at the house later, you're kind of in awe at how stunning it is already.

'we bought it as is,' she explains, 'but my partner, ava, needs it to be accessible for wheelchair usage now.' she doesn't sound sad, not a single regret at having to change one of the simplest, most well-designed and amazing houses you've ever seen. she's inches shorter than you but commanding still, straight backed and quietly confident, dressed in simple linen pants and a t-shirt, a cardigan thrown over her shoulders, a dark green beanie and lighter green glasses, barefoot — rich in the understated way that some people in los angeles are, palpably and casually, and you know that anything you need will be there for you, right away.

'i'd like to keep the doors to the patio, for sure,' she tells you, leading you on a tour. they space is designed to be indoor/outdoor, with doors that open all the way to a small hot tub and a giant patio. 'i'm sure you saw the blueprints ekugbe drew up — and, by the way, sorry, i know you have a complicated past, but she really did say you were the best, especially with projects like this.'

'it's totally fine,' you tell her, and when you see the release of tension in her shoulders, you genuinely mean it. she explains that they'll want to move the primary bedroom and bathroom onto the first floor, down a hallway that currently has two offices. you've contracted on many houses this big before, so the space is something of a blessing. 'that won't be a problem, especially since it doesn't look like the wall between them is load bearing.'

'great,' beatrice says. 'that's what ekugbe told me, so it's good to make sure.'

you go through the rest of the house: they'll need a wheelchair lift along the stairs, which won't be hard to install because it's just one staircase, straight up to a big enough landing that there won't be any issues. she wants to redo their kitchen and bathrooms entirely, so that everything will be reachable and safe. it'll be a huge project, but one you feel — even though your head is spinning at changing a house like this — is important. is a labor of love.

'ava and i will be here for the next two weeks, and then in europe for a few months. what do you think a reasonable timeline is for you? i would like to set up a rental for us, if you need longer than that.' it's not snooty, although the words are. it's matter of fact, just a series of tasks and logistics.

'as long as materials come on time, especially if we order them now, i should be able to do it in that timeframe.'

'wonderful,' she says, and clasps her hands in front of her chest, an endearing gesture. 'well, please send over anything to sign and payment methods, and let me know a start date.'

'will do.'

'also, marcus?'

'hmm?'

'can i help you blow the wall out?' she grins. 'i've always wanted to. i have four black belts, if that helps.'

you just laugh. 'yeah, sure. why not?'

/

ava sits in her chair, pretty, in the same linen pants that beatrice had worn the other day, which is kind of funny and kind of sweet. she looks significantly more sad than beatrice about the state of their house, though, as you lay down tarps in the office to protect the floors.

'i swear i only agreed to this because bea promised you'd let her use a sledge hammer.'

'it'll be beautiful, when it's done.'

she sighs. 'i really do believe you. just, a bummer, you know?'

'my brother uses a chair,' you tell her. 'i like projects like this. and, plus, this house is amazing no matter what. your patio almost brought me to tears.'

she laughs. 'yeah, we fell in love with it right away.'

beatrice walks in in a cutoff tank and work pants, practical boots, and ava groans.

'best roleplay of my life,' she mumbles, and beatrice rolls her eyes.

'thank you for letting me have a little fun, marcus.'

'of course.'

'do i need a hard hat?'

'definitely not,' you manage without laughing, and hand her a sledge hammer.

ava watches, riveted, as you and beatrice go at the wall a few times, and then beatrice pauses and looks toward ava. 'want to get a few hits in? it's very cathartic.'

ava hesitates.

beatrice just pauses, patient, and then says, 'unless your back is hurting, i know you'll be strong enough. it's not that heavy.'

ava grins and wheels forward eagerly, lifts the sledgehammer and then nods. beatrice offers her her safety glasses and then backs away to the threshold of the door. ava swings, just fine, and gets a good chunk of the wall to break off from where beatrice had already been working, and she laughs and looks back at beatrice with a happy, relieved expression.

eventually, your crew takes over, and beatrice and ava take their leave to a rental for a few nights before they go do whatever they're doing in europe. the house comes together beautifully, it really does.

at the end, you call ekugbe, maybe for drinks.

it surprises you, the light you're able to let in.

//

mari

'do you think i'll be faster than bea?'

you laugh, show ava where to put her hands on the wheels of the racing chair for maximum and most efficient torque. 'with practice, for sure.'

'gross,' she says. 'why not right away?'

'it just takes a little getting used to. but i'm certain you will, if you enjoy it.'

'well, you're ripped, so i'm enjoying it so far, that's for sure.'

you roll your eyes; you know both beatrice and ava well enough to know that ava's flirting is fun and entirely harmless. but, still, she's beautiful, so you allow yourself to preen nonetheless.

ava lets out a big breath. 'okay, let's fucking go, right?'

'i'll ride next to you for now, and then you can race beatrice.'

'sick.' she pushes a few times and picks up some speed, and you watch exactly what you'd felt yourself the first time you'd gotten into a chair like this: a big smile spreads across her face as she rounds the corner of the track without any problems. when she slows down you do too, and you're worried for a second before she just sniffles and wipes her cheeks. 'this is... this is so fun?'

'yeah,' you say. 'it's kind of the best.'

'as a kid, after i got hurt, and then, you know, after things started to get worse for me lately, i — i didn't think i could do this, ever. it's just — i feel so full. and so fast!'

'i didn't think i'd get to do this either, after i got hurt.' you'd had a complete spinal cord injury, when you were twenty, a car accident that wasn't your fault. your whole life had changed, in a split second — a track scholarship and rock climbing and snowboarding and judo evaporating, just like that, when you woke up from surgery, or at least that's what you thought. but your big sister had sat by your bedside and researched inpatient rehab, and financing, and outpatient rehab, and then, a fucking miracle in your life: paralympic racing. it's led you to do everything you loved before, just creatively, and, 'now i have four gold medals, so, here we are.'

'yeah,' ava says. 'here we fucking are!'

you reach over and high five her, and you look over to where beatrice is sitting on the bleachers; even from far away you can see her gay ass little smile at ava's joy.

'also, the gold medals?' ava says. 'extremely hot.'

you laugh. 'do you ever stop?'

ava shakes her head. 'hardwired, i'm afraid.' she frowns. 'unless, of course, you're uncomfortable, in which case i will stop immediately.'

'oh, no,' you say, 'keep going. it's fun.'

'i'm an excellent wingwoman, at any time. you just let me know.'

'i'll take you up on that soon, i'm sure.'

she laughs and takes off again, getting the hang of her form and how to lean into turns. eventually, she calls beatrice down from the bleachers; beatrice is probably one of the most terrifying athletes you've ever met, but ava's pretty fast already. they race a few times, laughing by the end, trash talking incessantly, beatrice eventually leaning down to kiss ava, both of them sweaty.

'last one back to the bleachers has to do the dishes tonight,' ava says, and takes off full tilt. she barely stops in time before ramming into the stands, but beatrice is laughing too hard to come anywhere close. it's joy, you think, in the hot sun. real joy.

//

mother superion

'so,' ava says, fidgeting in front of you, shifting from one foot to the other, rocking up on her toes. she's gotten older, a few years enough for you to be able to tell the subtle differences.

'yes, ava?'

'okay, i know this is stupid and antiquated, but, well...'

'is this a crisis of any kind?'

she shakes her head.

'then just breathe.'

she takes in a deep breath and lets it out, then sits on the bench next to you when you pat the space. 'i love beatrice.'

'i know.'

'i, well, i guess i'm asking you if i can marry her? i want to propose, and i'll do it, whatever you think, but — it would mean a lot, to me, to have your blessing.'

you hold out your hands and wait for her to take both. there is something holy in her back, something that you had thought was the most sacred thing in the world until you met her. but there is something holier, consecrate, in the way she loves — beyond the highest order you have ever known. in the way she loves you all, and life, but especially in the way she loves beatrice, one of your favorite people in the world. she died for it. you know, in a way that makes you ache, she would do it again.

but the war is over. the war is over, and you have watched them both become.

'there is nothing in this life that would make me happier than to bless your marriage, ava.'

'oh,' she breathes out, runs a hand through her hair, long now, with the tips dyed pink — just for fun! — and then smiles. 'okay. well, great. just gotta get bea to say yes then.'

you don't want to be unkind — you can feel the halo humming with ava's very genuine nerves — and so you don't laugh. instead, you ask, 'do you have a plan? a ring?'

ava lights up, and the halo's hum shifts to comfortable, warm. they'll go to switzerland, she tells you, and pulls up a picture of the ring on her phone — simple and elegant and handsome, all at once. she wraps you in a hug as you tell her so.

'i love you, ava,' you say.

she sniffles. 'i really love you.'

you feel the halo against your hand, through her sweater. 'please send me a save the date.'

//

'ava,' you say, as ava paces around their bedroom. 'bea is going to be right out there, waiting for you. after everything, you cannot possibly be nervous about this.'

she shakes her head. 'about marrying bea? definitely not.' she's in her dress, flowy lace and cotton, off-white because i'm certainly not a virgin, she had said while she was looking, and than had laughed and winked as you had rolled your eyes. 'i'm worried about the halo going off.'

you want to laugh, so hard, but it actually is an issue: most of ava and bea's friends and family don't know anything about the halo, mostly for their protection. 'i'm sure you can get all the glowing out on your honeymoon.'

ava does laugh, then, relieved. 'that's for sure.'

and it's beautiful: you get to stand in front of the altar your friend built for her partner, and you get to pray for their whole lives to be full of this stunning, soft love. they say their vows, and beatrice cries the entire time, which eventually makes ava cry, and then you cry, and then you all laugh.

'by the power vested in me by god, and the state of california,' you say, 'i now pronounce you wives.' ava laughs, delighted, and turns to bea, then looks at you impatiently. you roll your eyes. 'go ahead,' you say.

ava wastes no time, leaning forward to capture bea's lips in a sweet kiss, which beatrice lets linger long enough for a few good-natured wolf whistles from the crowd. ava kisses bea's forehead and they smile, alone in their own universe, before turning to everyone. there are cheers and you're pretty sure everyone was crying.

you get drunk on champagne at the reception and cry even more when you see beatrice in her tang jacket, when she tells you that you were right: there's no shame in loving ava; there never has been. and, a miracle, ava is hers. there are things more certain to you than faith.

'your marriage is going to last annoyingly long,' you tell her. 'i'm sure of it.'

she holds you tight. 'i'm sure of it too.'

//

salma

your aunts are the fuc—freaking coolest. not only do they visit often, but you get to visit them in california, where they live in a big house on the beach and sometimes take you to disneyland. your aunt bea teaches you to surf, and your aunt ava teaches you how to make a bunch of virgin cocktails — which you find very fun — and they both sit and do puzzles with you whenever you want, even if your brother gets bored.

your grandmother — you guess, you never met her and you've never even talked to her, but she was your dad's and beatrice's mother — dies one day. you don't really care; she apparently was a huge asshole to your aunt when she was little. your dad picks you up from school like normal, and you wait impatiently for asaad to make his way out.

your dad takes you to get ice cream and then tells you that she died. you don't care, which is maybe bad, but you don't owe her anything. people can be mean for no reason, to someone like you, to someone like your aunt bea, so you don't care.

your dad is quiet for a few days, and then your aunts visit. you do a little double take when your aunt bea takes her beanie off and her hair is shorter than you've ever seen it, but you hug her quickly, as tight as you can, your head reaching the middle of her chest — when your cat died in third grade your mom had taught you about grief, how it lasts a long time and it's okay to feel, how different cultures have different ways of expressing it. you hug your aunt ava too, and she ruffles your hair and cups your cheek. 'what's up, beautiful?' she says, and it makes you feel it, from someone so pretty: beautiful.

when you get older, your aunt bea will help you change your pronouns, and pick a new name — peace, you decide on — and she calls you her niece, which you love. when you get older, she'll be even more amazing to you, the way she's so kind in a world that hasn't been, the way she loves your dad and your brother and your mom, the way she loves your aunt ava.

for now, it's late and your aunt ava is asleep in the guest room, and your dad had kissed your forehead and gone off to the bathroom he shares with your mom. you go downstairs to get a glass of water, and you see your aunt sitting on the couch, peacoat rumpled and very still and, if your dad's breath was anything to go by, probably pretty drunk.

she looks up when she hears you, and then smiles gently, a little unfocused. you sit next to her, rub your hand along her buzzed hair with a laugh, and it gets her to laugh too. 'you look cool.'

she kisses your forehead. 'that's very kind.'

you play with her fingers, with the ring there, warm even though it's cold outside. 'you know,' you say, 'you've made the world safer for me.'

the sound that leaves her is between a laugh and a sob. you want to be smaller, just for a moment, so you could climb into her lap like you used to when she was little.

'i'm really sorry your mother sucked balls.'

then there's definitely a laugh: 'did aunt ava teach you that?'

you grin into her shoulder. 'i can neither confirm nor deny.'

she tugs you to her, buries her face in your hair for a moment and then wipes her cheeks.

'i'm glad i'm like you,' you say, the best you can for now.

'oh, darling,' she says, then swallows so she doesn't start crying again, you're pretty sure, 'i'm so glad. you are such a light in this world. don't let anyone let you believe you aren't wonderful.'

'i won't,' you say, a prayer, like you kneel and understand with your mom; a promise.

'and, you can always call me.'

'ew, on the phone?'

she laughs. 'or text, if you must.'

you burrow into her side even further. 'i'll call, aunt bea. i always will.'

//

g-d

of course, if there's anything you know, it's blessings.

you know beloved; you know holy. people call you by different names, all falling short, all trying to grasp at you. you know beloved, and worship, and belief.

you look down on them sometimes, because you can. ava — her name the familiar of eve; the meaning in a sacred language, life; something divine against her will in her back; one of your children who had faced more cruelty than she should have — laughs, every day. even on days that hurt for her, she smiles and she laughs and there is a love there: for your world, for its waves and the sun and stars and moon; she, too, sees that it is good. beatrice, gentle and unsure and certain, prays to you still, and to ava, which you don't begrudge her. she worships every day, the most faithful on earth.

of course, there are things you let run their course, the small joys and small miseries: swimming in the ocean, chocolate cake, the first fall of snow; traffic jams and broken wrists and lilith. there are some things even you can't entire shift: ava's broken back and the heaviness in beatrice's mind sometimes. but you watch them, from time to time, in their house on a beach that brings them wonder, when they visit the mountains and fall asleep in front of a warm fireplace, listening to a record that skips before you step in and turn the machine off.

you'll let them grow old together, of course — greying hair and ava's impatience with politics and beatrice's stiff knees in the cold. there's time, for the halo and for all of it, but ava died to save the world, once. ava died for love, and she lives for it too.

in this life, they say to each other, quietly and often. you let things run its course but you step in, from time to time: you will give them peace. they'll want more of them, greedy, and perhaps you'll let them — and the next and the next and the next.

but, of course, this life, this life — you make sure it's a good one.

[captainlunaxmen]

The Lady and the Lord

Chapter 1

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

This is a repost since the old blog doesn't work anymore. 🥰

Chapter summary: pretty much the firstt episode from the reader perspective, also the first interaction with Eddie.

Chapter warnings: harassment, jocks.

Here I am, looking at my reflection in the mirror: last day before spring break begins. Thank goodness some peace at last.

I check one last time my appearance before hearing Steve honking right outside so I grab my bag and head out.

"Hey" I greet both him and Robin on the passenger sit.

"Hey Y/n"

"Hi" Robin sends me a big smile as I get in the car with them.

As always Steve is driving us to school.

"How's it going?" Steve asks immediately.

"Oh since today is last day, all fucking good" I say.

"I know right!" Robin "Hey, quick question and please be honest" she turn to look at me from her seat.

"Yeah?"

"Do I look like a corpse?" She asks.

Her question catching me completely off guard.

"What? No, why do you ask? Or, most importantly... since when do you even care?" I answer.

"Exactly" Steve agrees "thank you, honey"

"Stop calling her that. She's not your girlfriend" Robin scolds him.

"It's fine, I'm used to it" I laugh.

Steve's been my closest friend since... ever, basically. He always called me 'honey' as the most playful thing ever.

We grew apart after he started hanging out with Tommy and the rest of those 'lovely' people... anyway after the events involving the Upside Down we found each other again.

"See? She gets me." Steve says as a matter of fact.

"Whatever" Robin says as she starts to fix her look in the small mirror.

"How was your date with... uhm... Brenda..?" I hesitate a bit, I can't remember the name of each girl he goes out with.

"Stella" he corrects "Yeah.. Good, but not my type."

"Right.." I nod. "So who's Brenda?"

"Brenda is Tonight. Then there's Heidi tomorrow night, but the problem with Heidi is that she's going out of state for collage. Do I wanna start another relationship that has no point other than sex? I mean, I don't know. Does that make sense to you?" He then asks us, but Robin is definitely not paying attention and I lost track of the names long time ago.

"Are you two listening?" He asks.

"Yes"

"Yeah"

We both say quickly.

"What did I just say?" He tests us.

"Something about sex with... uhm" Robin starts turning to seek help.

"With Linda..?" I try.

"No, I'm talking about Heidi." He exclaims with an exasperated laugh.

"Cut me some slack, please. Your love life is one of labyrinthine complexity. It is 7 in the morning, we have the stupid pep rally, and I woke up looking like a total corpse!" Robin snaps.

"You don't look like a corpse, Robin, stop" I assure her again.

"You're worried about a pep rally? Expect us to believe that?" Steve says.

"Yeah? So?"

"So, we all know what this is about. I'm not buying that, Y/n is not buying that. This is about Vickie." He states.

"Absolutely not" Robin tries to defend herself.

"Yes it is, Robin, c'mon" I tell her.

"Oh so you're on his side now?" Robins accuses me.

"And you know what else I think?"

"I don't care-"

"You gotta stop pretending to be someone else when you're around her." Steve's using his motherly tone.

"You're literally quoting me to me. You do realise that." She replies.

"Well, then try to listen to yourself. How about that?" I tell her.

"Yeah, exactly. I listened. Look at me. Boom. Back on business." Steve says proudly.

"A little too much, but whatever works with you Stevie" I tease him.

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing. Okay? You ask a girl out and she says no. Big deal. Nothing happens. Maybe your ego is a little bruised. I ask out the wrong girl and bam, I'm a town pariah" she explains.

"I'd buy that, except Vicki's is definitely not the wrong girl." Steve tries to reassure her.

"We just don't know that, do we?" She says back.

"She returned 'fast times' paused at 53 minutes, 5 seconds. Do you know who pauses 'fast times' at 53 minutes, 5 seconds?" He asks looking at us "people who like boobies, Robin."

Oh god.

"Ew, gross don't say boobies" Robin replies not so sligly disgusted.

"Yeah, please Harrington" I say.

"Boobies! It's not a big deal, okay? I like boobies. You like boobies. Vickie likes boobies. Definitely... it's boobies."

His supporting ways are... peculiar, to say the least.

"Can we talk about something else? Thank you" she basically order us.

"Fine fine! So I got a date, Robin got her band thing, what about our lovely Y/n?" Steve asks.

"I gotta help Nancy at the game. I'll be taking pictures" I answer him simply.

"You know.. we gotta find someone for you." Steve simply says, like it was the most amazing idea ever.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Well.. Robin and I can't be the only two with love problems" he answers. "Some solidarity, honey"

"I'm fine, thank you very much" I say laughing.

"Oh please! Nancy and Robin are the only ones you talk to at school, beside some 14 years old-" he starts.

"And I'm okay with it, Steve. Plus the perspective of having to talk to someone I don't know... scares me. So.. appreciate the thought, but no" I smile at him.

"Well you talked to me" Robin intervenes.

"That was different, our lives were at risk, russians, mind flayer, possessed people everywhere... that was deadly necessary" I chuckle, even if the events of last summer, and everything before that, don't have anything to chuckle about.

"Yeah well... think about it as deadly necessary too" Robin suggests.

"I don't have that imagination" I laugh.

"We'll find a way" Steve says to Robin quietly, to not make me hear, but I do.

"Don't you dare" I warn.

"Okay okay"

"Yeah sorry"

They say at the same time.

I don't want a relationship now, too much trouble. I need to focus on finishing this damn school, then I will have time to experiment and all that.

The day goes on pretty well, nothing major happening. A pretty normal day.

As I'm going to throw away the leftover of my lunch, in the cafeteria, I spot Mike and Dustin, nervously looking at their table.

I stop with them.

"You guys good?" I ask with a small chuckle "you look like you're about to get shot"

"That would be more gentle I'm sure" Dustin is the one to answer.

"What's wrong?"

"Well... Lucas decided to betray us and won't be present at tonight's campaign" Mike finally speaks.

"And... is that a tragedy because...?"

"It's the end of Eddie's campaign." Dustin answers.

"Can't you.. postpone?" I ask.

"That's our plan.. the problem is.. telling him" Dustin replies, swallowing hard.

"Oh c'mon. He's not that scary." I tell them.

"You say that only because you find him cute" Mike says.

"What?" I ask, feeling my face heat up at that.

"Anyway, why don't you sit with us and... protect us" Dustin asks.

"Oh no no no. No can do, little genius. Not a chance" I say.

"You'll have our lives on your conscience" He replies, raking a deep breath.

"After all those times I saved you asses from demo-things, I think I can leave you to him for this once" I answer walking away.

After I threw away the food I take out my notes, to see what I need before going to Nancy.

I'm a bit lost in my thoughts as I walk near the wall when my attention is caught my Eddie Munson himself standing on the table, making faces at Jason and then turning around.

"It's forced conforming" I hear him say as he walks back on the table.

"That's what's killing the kids!" He says the last part shouting and jumping of the table, scaring a few people that walk by, not me though. I just chuckle as I keep walking.

He sees me and simply takes a theatrical step back to let me pass.

"After you, m'lady" he says as I walk past him sending him a small smile.

"C'mon, man, stop staring" one of his friends says, making me turn around to make eye contact with Eddie who was already looking at me.

He just winks at me with a smile, my face got warmer than before so I quickly turn my head around and just keep walking.

Did he actually just winked at me?

Nah... yeah?

Nah.

"Fucking hell.." I mutter as I walk to the gym.

Nancy needs more pictures of the basketball team for the school paper. So here I fucking am, on my way to the gym full of dickheads.

I enter and tell the coach I had to take pictures as the boys practice for the game.

As soon as he gives me permission I move around a bit to take as many pictures as possible so Nancy won't send me here again... hopefully.

As I stop near the benches to prepare the camera for another set of shots, one of the players come sit close to where I was standing, I feel him staring at me, but I pay him no mind though, focusing all my attention to the camera. Maybe if he sees that I'm busy he won't start a conversation.

"Hey there"

Boy, I was wrong...

I don't answer, pretending to not hear him might help.

"Hey, baby"

Nope. No help. At. All.

I just turn my head to face him and mutter a small "hi" before getting back to the camera.

"How are the pictures going?"

I can tell he's not really interested.

"Good" I simply say.

"Not so many words, uh? It's cool, actually better, you know" he comments.

I roll my eyes and keep fixing the object in my hand.

All of a sudden I feel him standing up.

Oh great he's finally going away...

"You look like you know what you're doing"

No...He stands right next to me, watching closely what I'm doing, making me go completely rigid.

"Yeah" I say quietly.

"Good with you hands too" he comments again, now he's basically attached to me.

"I guess" I say, moving away in a poor attempt to put some distance, but he's quick to follow.

"You're the quiet one, aren't you?" I can hear the teasing, mocking tone very clearly.

I obviously don't say anything, I just look around hoping someone catches on what's going on, but no one seems to notice.

"But I bet I can make you scream" he whispers directly in my ear, making me jump, but he quickly put his hands on my hips, preventing me to move too far. "I want to make you scream so loud everyone will know what a little whore you actually are"

"Get off" I tell him.

"Aah! She speaks" he fakes surprise. "You won't say those words tonight, trust me, you'll be all mine." He jokingly say, even if the 'joke' seems more like a threat.

Thankfully the bell rings and he just walks to the showers with the other, not before yelling "hope to see you tonight!" And laughs.

I quickly gather my things as soon as he disappeared into the showers, when Lucas' figure catches my eyes.

"Hey.." he timidly say.

"Hey" I say, trying to act like nothing happened.

"I... I'm sorry a-about Andy" he tries.

"Nothing happened" I say, still getting my things to avoid any eye contact with the boy.

"Y/n, I saw" he calmly says.

I take a deep breath and look at him.

"It's okay.. I mean, could you have stopped him? Not with the whole team here at least. Don't worry, kiddo" I say giving him a quick hug before stepping back. "Please... go shower, you smell" I playfully shove him towards the bathroom and then I walk out of the gym as quickly as possible.

I walk quickly while I put my things in the bag paying no attention to whatever's around me, in fact I run into someone, dropping some paper.

"I'm so sorry" I say kneeling down to grab the fallen paper.

"No worries, m'lady"

Eddie?

I look up and as I lock eyes with the metalhead, I look back down just as quickly.

"Here" he says kneeling down with me to help me gather my paperwork.

"Thanks" I say quietly standing back up, Eddie does too.

"No problem... hey, you okay? You look a bit.. shaken. Do those pricks give you trouble too?" he asks, concern hidden by a nervous chuckle.

"No, uhm.. he was just-" I cut myself off, seeing how he frowns, visibly concerned, trying to understand what happened, I shake my head "I'm fine. Don't worry" I finally say standing up, putting the paper back in my bag.

"Are you sure?" He asks again, eyeing the gym doors suspiciously.

"Yeah yeah. Thanks. I.. I gotta go" I say, but I stay put staring into his eyes.

When he nods with a small smile, I shake my head again and I quickly walk away.

"I got the pictures" I say walking back into the room to Nancy.

"Oh great, if they win tonight we need more pictures from them 'practicing the victory', thanks" she says handing the camera to another girl to have the movie developed.

"You okay?" She asks looking at me.

"Yeah, why?" I say, as calmly as possible.

"You look.. tense"

"Nah, I'm okay, just can't wait for this day to be over" I lie.

"Mh" she looks at me sceptically, but leave it alone. "You remember, I need you tonight at the championship game, for the picture of the game"

Fuck. I forgot about that...

"Yeah, yeah, no I... remember" I reply with a nervous chuckle.

Everyone is so excited about this game, everyone is cheering and clapping for the team to finally win.

The band is playing as always, I see Robin next to Vickie, hoping she's not feeling that nervous now.

The team enters the gym and the cheerleading squad, obviously, cheers louder and I take pictures next to Nancy and Fred who's ready to take notes.

I see Steve entering the gym too, with... oh shit.. Stacy.. no.. Carol... no, Brenda! Yes.

"Does it bother you that, like, we might win a championship right after you graduated?" I hear her asking Steve.

"Yeah, that's an interesting point. Thank you so much for bringing that up, Brenda" he answers looking around, to not show how her words slightly affected him. He locks eyes with me and I sarcastically pull my thumbs up for him, he just rolls his eyes and follow the blond girl to their seat.

"Everyone now please rise for our national anthem" Everybody stands up "singing for us tonight, we have a very special guest. All the way from Nashville, our very own Tammy Thomson!" He announces and leave the court.

Holy shit.

I hold back a laugh.

I'm gonna tease the hell put of Robin later, since Steve is already doing that now apparently. I see him mouthing something on the line of "muppet" at her after Tammy started to 'sing'.

Then the game begins and I just focus on taking pictures.

And they actually won... unbelievable.

Lucas finally got to show he can really play. I'm so proud of him.

I'm gonna congratulate him tomorrow, now he's enjoying his well-deserved glory, so I just walk out after saying goodbye to Nancy.

I hear someone yelling something, but I keep walking out of the school.

"Hey baby"

I still keep walking, when a sweaty, breathless Andy runs in front of me blocking my way.

"Hi baby" he repeats.

"Hi" I say and try to walk past him, but he moves to prevent me from going any further.

"Trying to run away from me?" He playfully asks.

"I just want to go home" I honestly say.

"Oh c'mon, come celebrate the win" he tries to convince me.

" I..." I start.

"I'll make it worth your while" he smirks.

He then moves closer, holding out a hand to try to touch my cheek but I instantly step back avoiding his hand.

"I'm tired... thanks, but I do have-"

"I told you you'll be mine tonight" he says, trying to sound seductive, but he just makes my blood run cold.

"I'm not interested" I say quietly.

"What was that?" He mockingly asks getting closer.

"She said she's not interested, man." Steve's voice catches both attention.

Thank goodness.

"We're having a moment here, Harrington" Andy says, annoyed.

"I think you're having a moment, she isn't. So be a gentleman and back the fuck off, man." Steve tells him. "Or I could just tell everyone you can't get a girl"

"Whatever man." Andy then turns to me "I'll see you around, baby"

When Andy walks away, Steve shouts "no you won't"

"You okay?" He turns to me.

"Yeah.. thank you Steve" I tell him.

"Don't mention it. Let's get your ass home" he says wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"And your date?" I ask with a small chuckle.

"Oh... not my type. Again. Just my luck" he says defeated.

"Oh don't worry, you'll find your true love" I assure him patting his back.

"If you liked me enough I wouldn't have this problem" he jokes.

"As well as Robin" I joke back.

"Yeah.. surrounded by amazing girls... who just don't like me" he dramatically says.

"We do like you, just not in the way you want" I tell him with a smile.

"Yeah yeah, don't rub it in, uh" He says.

"Righ. Better get your bruised ego home" I joke.

"Are you gonna be okay there all alone?" Steve asks after I climbed out of his car.

"Yeah, as always" I answer.

"Mh... call if you need anything." He tells me. "Or I could stay"

"Yes, Steve, stop worrying. I'll just make some beads rings to calm down and not think about that dick, I'm gonna be sooooo fine" I reassure him.

"Fine fine" he chuckles, "you coming tomorrow right?"

"As always" I say. "Night Steve"

"Night honey" he says starting his car.

I walk to my house and get in.

Then I walk to my room, take out some beads and start to make a flower ring.

I love living on my own, I really do. Sometimes I just think it would be nice to enter and shout "mom I'm home!" And hearing her asking about the evening and the game, talk about everything.

Unfortunately my parents died long time ago, I lived with my grandmother, who left me the house when she died about.. 5 years ago.

I shouldn't have lived alone, but I was so scared to leave Hawkins and this place that Hopper pulled some strings and let me stay here on my own since that young age.

Hopper... why do my thoughts lead me to him now... he was like the father I literally never head. We bickered all the time, but I cared about him and he cared about me.

My mind runs to that day at Starcourt.

We were catching our breath after the fight with a possessed Billy, we planned how to end that. Joyce, Murray and Hopper were supposed to get into the Russian base and close the gate to the Upside Down.

Hopper was giving El a motivational speech, I just stood there watching them, feeling a bit envious, I have to admit. They definitely looked like father and daughter. They both tried to let me in, asking me to join them on their Miami Vice nights, but I never accepted... to scared to know what if feels to have a real family, I think.

I remember calling for him before he and the rest went to the base.

"Hop!" I called him.

"Yeah? What is it?" He asks.

"I... I'm sorry.." I stuttered out shaking my head.

"About what?" He replied with a small chuckle.

"I just... do you think... uhm.. I mean.. you and El have any plans for.. for.. Friday night? I heard there's this show, that seems kinda cool... I'd like to check it out.." I timidly said, my eyes focusing on playing with my rings instead of him.

I kept my eyes down, getting more nervous as the seconds went on without an answer from him, so I worked up the courage to look up at him and to find him smiling. A warm, proud smile.

"Only if you buy the snacks" he said before hugging me.

I hugged him back tightly.

That was the last time I saw him...

I shake my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts.

I put away the beads and head to bed.

I definitely need to sleep all these thoughts away.

[kimtaesss]

Summary: your ex boyfriend from 2 years ago has returned. Despite wanting to avoid him at all cost it’s impossible when you both share the same friend group. To make things worse, he has come back with a girlfriend.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader ; Yoongi x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, exes to (?), exes au

Warnings: starting with a flashback (again 😭); honestly this chapter is mostly flashbacks of how their relationship was before; y/n being a simp for Taehyung and Taehyung only; y/n is just a sad bitch tbh; a bit of Jimin’s and Yoongi’s perspective and yeah! Oh! Just a little fyi some phrase are repetitive cause they kind of share the same brain 🙄. Mini reunion between Taehyung and y/n at the end of the chapter ( but not really). Next chapter you’ll see the reunion of y/n and Taehyung!

Authors note: honestly I’m not really satisfied but I am? Let me know if I should rewrite this chapter tbh 😭 Also its 6 in the morning so if there’s some typos let’s just ignore that. I’m pretty sure I got them all though so fingers crossed.

Chapters: m.list | 01 | 02 | …..

"I-I don't think I can make it across" You yell as you pay attention to the ground. You're too scared to pay attention to anything else, even the voice of your boyfriend.

You've always been a homebody, you hated being outside, and being adventurous. Well, you didn't have that growing up, so you guess that added onto your lack of courage. And maybe deep down you wanted to try new things, but again, you had no one to share that with.

But Taehyung, your boyfriend, is trying to stop that cycle. He wants you explore the world, and not just with anyone, with him.

"It's okay! I got you" Taehyung yells back but with a more soft tone. He wants you to feel comfortable enough to take a risk. But he also needed you to hear him. He wants to make sure you know that he's got you, no matter what.

"No! You just- you go ahead and have fun. I can just stay back and wait for you" You move your hands all over the place, almost like you're shaking off water. And that was a dumb mistake, as you clumsily began to lose control.

You were standing on top of a rock, and you're not exactly the lightest human being. You're also not very coordinated, so you tend to fall a lot. But Taehyung still managed to convince you to do this, you're still not even sure what this is.

You trust Taehyung. Just as much as you love him. So, you didn't think you'd be feeling scared to the point where you feel dizzy. But here you are, feeling exactly that.

He never did respond to you. Technically, you did tell him to leave so you shouldn't feel mad or disappointed. But, you guess deep down you wanted him to fight for you.

Yup! You're being dramatic again. You definitely need to grow the fuck up.

"Ahhh" you scream as you kick your legs, and move your arms like some crazy person. You felt arms on your waist, and you could have sworn that you were about to get kidnap.

That was until you heard that deep voice, with an adorable laugh. Immediately you felt as ease. He didn't leave you. He didn't.

"You came back!"

"I never left. I'd never leave you"

Those words. It made you feel seen. It made you feel important. You almost wanted to cry, knowing that you have someone who is willing to put with you. It sounds silly, and you know it. But sometimes it's nice to know you're needed or wanted.

That day ended up with you both falling into the water. Well, actually Taehyung pushed you to fall on your own, but you dragged him down with you.

"I'm so going to be sick tomorrow" you laugh as you continue to splash water and throw some towards Taehyung.

"It's okay! That just means that I can cuddle you all night, and never leave your side"

"Gosh. You're so clingy sometimes" You say, even though you love when he acts clingy. It just means he’s not tired of you yet.

He laughs and carries the biggest smile you've ever seen on anyone. The way his eyes were shining, and staring directly at yours. Your heart beat kept rising, you could literally feel your heart beat out your chest. You were head over heels for Taehyung. You were happy knowing that you had found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

"I am. I really am"

You continued to stay in the water for hours, just laughing and playing silly little games. He had brought back the happiness you were so desperately were trying to find.

You were beginning to realize how life is so beautiful when you share it with someone.

Who knew dreams can turn into nightmares?

"Hey, y/n. It's me Taehyung"

Did you hear that correctly? Was your ex-boyfriend really on the phone? It didn't make sense, like at all. Still in shock, the phone slid down your hands, and fell onto the ground. You were in complete shock. This was most definitely not something you had planned happening. You're almost one hundred percent sure, that Taehyung also didn't have this planned.

"Hello? Y/n?!"

Taehyung tried to yell loud enough for you to hear him. He knew that the phone had slipped out of your hands, well because you were quite predictable when it came to reactions. But the yelling couldn't knock you back to your senses. Maybe it was the fact that this did not feel real, this felt more like a dream.

However, it was a dream you wanted to wake out of. This wasn't what you wanted nor needed right now. You were about to go outside and have your friends either hype you up, or maybe make some dumb comment that made you laugh. Either way, you'd take it. But now things took a drastic turn. Your hear a knock on the door, and shivers ran down your back. Immediately, you regained yourself, well sort of. You technically were now more aware of your surroundings, but your mind still felt foggy, and shaky.

"Are you going to show us the dress or not?! I can't promise I'll be nice, but I promise to tell you the truth!" The whine in his voice, yup! It's Jimin. Even though, you technically regained your senses, your mouth felt like it was glued shut. You couldn't let a single word slip out of your mouth.

"Okay! You leave me no choice but to come in there and see you butt naked! Is that what you want?"

Still no reply from you. You were once again in a frozen state, and all the effort to escape this mess was undone. You hear a loud noise, and you instantly knew that Jimin was in fact trying to break in. He didn't know about your current situation, but why was the idea of having him in the room with you making you more nervous? Is it because things could end horrible, and the whole birthday dinner would be ruined or... could it be something else? You just didn't know.

"Dude..what are you doing?" A new voice appeared and you could really differentiate who was who. Your mind was still stuck on the voice that you heard a couple of minutes ago. His beautiful deep voice, you missed it. You missed him.

"Trying to open the door. Duh?" Jimin was questioning Yoongi, rather than actually making a comment. He had that sarcastic tone, like he was answering a dumb child.

Usually you'd laugh to that. Or at least crack a small smile, but it seems like the things that are suppose to make you happy, only make you more sad.

"Why don't you just use the key?" Yoongi spewed back. He was also carrying that sarcasm with him. You just knew they were going to argue about this for days. These two, as much as they loved each-other, they are too petty at times.

At times it feels like Yoongi and Jimin are the exact same person. The only difference was, Jimin had no boundaries and Yoongi at least attempts to be respectful. Although he also has his few bad moments, and ideas.

"There's a key?" A smack was heard and that again brought you closer to your senses but not completely. Why did he say your name like that? And why couldn't you stop thinking about it? You wanted to do nothing but cry. For days, weeks, months or fuck it, years. You wanted to release the very few emotions you've tried to hold back.

"Y/n! Please help! Yoongi just hit me in the back of the head" Jimin continued to plead for your help.

"Yeah, well maybe stop being a dumbass and you won't be smacked" Yoongi's hot breathe, and extreme close proximity to Jimin's ear, lead to Jimin's outburst.

"Snitch" Jimin attempted, again, the key word was attempted to whisper. But if you heard it and there was a door in between you. Then, Yoongi was already planning Jimin's funeral.

You know. You know you're being ridiculous. You're 23 years old, and you're locked up in your room, crying for an ex boyfriend. And it hits you even more knowing that Taehyung hasn't cried for you, or had break downs while he was working like you.

You know that no matter how you're feeling, Taehyung was happy. He beat you. It's not like it was ever a competition, but you know that feeling when you see your ex boyfriend move on, and he seems to be doing better in life than you? It's almost like you were never needed, and instead you were setting him back.

You make yourself believe that you were the problem, even if you weren't. Of course, you had your moments, but who knows. Maybe, you're making yourself a saint, and were actually the reason behind the break up.

God. Some days, you just want to climb onto the highest mountains and just jump right off them. You doubt the pain would ever amount to the one you're currently feeling.

No. You need to get your shit together, and snap out of it. He has moved on, so it shouldn't be hard for you to do the same. But it's just a bit harder when you weren't the one who gave up, the distance never took away the love you had for him. It only increased it.

No. You shake your head, as you try to shake off those thoughts that keep haunting you. It's time to focus on your present self, and the dress that is attempting to cover your flaws. As it turns out the first time you "figured it out" , you had your dress inside out. Luckily there was no one with you, because that was truly just a brain fart moment.

"I-I'm going. I just need to figure out the straps" your voice was a little too squeaky. It was making your entire body cringe. And you hate it. You hate that your voice was tiny; you hate that you're acting like a child when they don't get what they want.

Even when you attempt to fix the straps on the dress, you're moving like a sloth. But you manage to do it, and you couldn't be more sad. It's just... it's too hard for you to act like everything was fine.

See, Taehyung was your go to person. He was the first person that made you feel comfortable in your body. He was the first person who would go out of his way, and drop you off food at work. He was the first person who could read your mind. He knew you. He exposed you to things you've always wanted but never had the guts to try on your own.

And trying on a dress was one of them. You never enjoyed putting on tight clothes. Not unless you were around Taehyung. It's not like you depended on him for a lot of things, and you probably sound like some desperate women who always need a man’s approval. And you don't and aren't.

But Taehyung let you take your time, and never pushed you to do or be someone you aren't. He would always reassure you, take pictures of you, and made sure you are able to appreciate yourself in them.

"Bitch you're slow as fuck! Hurry up!" Jimin's throwing a tantrum again. You hear the stomping and the knocking on the door, and it managed to crack a little smile on your face.

You walked towards the door, not even caring to take a look in the mirror again. Of course, you were afraid of breaking down, because let's face it you were an insecure person. It hit you even more, knowing that Taehyung was going to see you in this very dress.

Your hand grabs the door knob and twists it a little before you actually open the door. You take a deep breathe before you eventually open the door, and let your two stupid friends walk in.

The looks on their faces, made you feel some type of way. You weren't sure if you should be more insecure or if you should be over the moon. It definitely made you more self aware.

"Is it that bad? Or do I look bad?" You're roaming your hands all over your body, almost like you're fixing it up. Even though it's clearly ironed and nothing needs to be adjusted. You're just a nervous mess right now. They're too quiet.

"Oh. My. God. Let's fuck!" Jimin said that with no hesitation. It made you choke the very air, you depended on to live. Your throat was becoming dry, as you continue to cough.

"That's- I was not excepting that comment." You're not sure if you should take that compliment too serious. Well, you know that you and Jimin will never fuck. He just likes to play a lot. But still, you guess you meant if you were even attractive enough to do you know…that.

"Dude! You are so going to make Taehyung's girl jealous" Jimin let's just about anything slip out of his mouth. He even allowed Yoongi to punch him. Not that Yoongi ever needed permission, but he sure did not put up a fight.

"Do you ever just think before you speak? This isn't about Taehyung or his girl. This is about y/n! Which by the way, you look... gorgeous."

"Thanks Yoongi. It really means a lot" You sway your body, as you took in that compliment. Yoongi does compliment you, but it's on rare occasions. And usually you have to ask him, but today, he took the initiative. So you guess, you guess you look decent.

"I'm sorry y/n. I know you are your own person. I just- I didn't think. You look amazing, really! I mean I'd marry you, you know... if I was into you."

Yoongi gives Jimin a "what the fuck" look. But you just end up snorting and laughing like a maniac. Now, they are both giving you a "what the fuck" look.

Now there's tears streaming down your face. You were sad, but those tears weren't sad tears. They were more like, you're grateful to have two friends, who despite being idiots. Are always supporting you, and making sure you feel somewhat comfortable.

"I'm so sorry! Did I make you cry?" Jimin's panic mode, looks like a mother losing a child in a store. It's just hilarious seeing him all stressed out and worried.

"Nice going, dick head" Yoongi says as he rolls his eyes. He was so over Jimin and his stupid comments. He really just wanted to slap tape on his mouth and hope that would shut him up.

"At least I get head"

But Jimin just continued.

"Oh gosh. I'm leaving this conversation"  You continue snorting as you walk to the kitchen. You needed a drink or maybe some pills to calm the arising headache you're getting from being in their presence.

"Can you bring back wine, while you're at it" Jimin shouts, as if your apartment wasn't small and had thin walls. He holds a mischievous smile, and you are shivering from the very thought of it. Jimin when he's drunk, is not the best influence.

And you drunk? Well... you're definitely a follower.

You just hope you can wake up for work tomorrow. Or you guess today. You needed a distraction before the stupid birthday dinner. Well, it's not actually stupid. Taehyung is.

Taehyung. How you wish you could turn back time.

Jimin ended up passing out after only one glass of wine. He probably had some earlier, he usually lasted longer than that. As for Yoongi? He was taking pictures of you, and attempting to guide you.

"I think it might be better if you... I don't know, put your leg forward? That's hot. Right?"

"I don't know" you shrug to emphasize your confusion. "You're supposed to tell me that" you laugh, as you see him constantly squint and attempt to find your angle. He is trying his best, and that's all you could ever really ask of him.

You continue to move around, or pose in a way, that doesn't look like you have back problems. Or shows just how poorly you can walk in heels, and apparently standing in heels is also a huge struggle for you.

You almost want to give up. In fact, you should. You know that keeping those photos in your camera roll, will be for no reason. You'll never have the courage to truly admire the details, without having something bad to say about them. And if by chance, you happen to look through your camera roll, you'll wake up with puffy eyes and stuffy nose.

"I mean... you look good" Yoongi hesitated for a while to make a comment, which lead him to stutter. You can see the instant regret and embarrassment all over his face. He even curses under his breathe, clearly ready to leave out the very door he snuck into earlier.

"Thanks" You simply reply, as a small smile plasters on your face. It felt forced but at the same time, you know you wanted to smile. He seemed... somewhat genuine about it. Still, his effort definitely lighten your mood.

"Anyway, I should...probably go" he points behind to Jimin and then the door. "He's drunk and I have work tomorrow. Or I guess today?" He freezes realizing how bad he fucked up. Yoongi takes a while to fall asleep, and now looking at the clock, he knows he'll end up showing up to work, without any sleep. He sighs as if had been holding his breathe in for a couple of hours. He's dreading leaving, knowing that he'll have to leave straight to work.

You understand that in so many ways. In fact, you're debating yourself if you should call out of work. It's not for any particular reason. Okay, you're lying again. It's the pain and shame in showing up in a place, that held so many memories.

Taehyung always felt like you're other half. Literally and figuratively. He was always with you, whether that be in mind or standing right beside you. He would always go with you to work and pick you up, just so you don't encounter some creep. Taehyung was half of your heart. He shared this bond with you, that at times it felt like you were seeing your exact reflection.

But when he left. In a way, he left with your heart and identity. You had no idea who you were without him. Maybe, that's why you decided to not reply back to him on the phone. You were unsure of how to respond to him, without remembering all those memories and words that were floating around your heart. You're afraid of admitting that the man you were talking to, or ignoring was not your Taehyung. It was just a different version of a man you used to or…still love.

God. How did you go from work to missing Taehyung? Your mind sure likes to play games with you. Yoongi is the one standing in front of you. Showing you just how much he cares. You should have the decency of keeping him in your thoughts rather than Taehyung, who is no where around.

"Thank you" You blurt out of nowhere. You kind of scared yourself, to be honest. You weren’t exactly sure where that came from.

Yoongi placed Jimin over his shoulders, grunting as he attempts to keep a good hold on him. But once he hears your voice again, knowing you were deep in thought, he turns around. Or attempts to have a better view of you, just as you of him.

"Don't. Thank Jimin, it was all his idea"

"I will. But I'm thanking you right now"

"Why?" Yoongi questions, clearly taken a back by your hard stance on thanking him.

"You made me forget about him. You made me think of me. I didn't think that was possible, even if it was just for a spilt second"

"You're an amazing person, you should think of yourself more often. Plus, it was you who made it possible"

"What?" You snort as you lean onto the wall behind you. "How? How did I make it possible?" You question him as if there was no possible answer to your question. Deep down you felt like there wasn't.

But he sure finds ways to surprise you. It made you feel all giddy inside, knowing that you still had someone who went above and beyond to make you feel like a little kid again. He made you feel... well, you're not sure if you can accurately describe it. But it sure felt nice.

"It's just easy to compliment and make someone feel special when they already are" he turns back around, as your eyebrows furrow. You were trying to take in his words, and the meaning behind them. It felt like he sprinkled your open wounds, with fairy dust. And the wounds were slowly closing.

He gives you one final look back. "Good night y/n"

"Good night" you whisper as the door slammed closed.

Instantly your body was sliding down the wall. As your brain was rebooting itself, and your tears were streaming down your face. You could feel everything and nothing all at once.

You're special? Like you?

Maybe just to him. Maybe he was just being a good friend, and managed to say the right words. Even when the right words felt wrong, especially the way it took your breathe away.

You stare in front of you. You stare at the broken glass that was left from earlier or yesterday. The glass that was holding up, the picture of you and your supposed soulmate.

And just like the glass, you were scattered on the floor. You were fragile enough to break with one sentence. You were broken enough to understand that no matter how much love and praise you get from others, you'd flip everything, and rain on your own parade. You loved yourself enough to hear those praises, but hated yourself to the point of turning those praises into pain.

Because if you were so damn special you wouldn't be in the place you were in. And he wouldn't be in the arms of someone else.

Even if he called you. Even if he contacted you first. You were always going to be his second option.

He managed to move on. without you.

"Jimin wake up" Yoongi rocks Jimin's lifeless body, well it felt that way anyways. Jimin was passed out. He's not even sure how he managed to do that, especially after only one damn drink.

"Mmm later" Jimin managed to slip out of his mouth, but it still sounded a bit slurred. Thankfully, Yoongi can speak hung over Jimin.

But just like Yoongi can understand Jimin, he knew the only way Jimin would wake up is if someone threw cold water to his face. Well, that or a slap. And because it was Jin's birthday dinner today, Jimin could not have any marks on his face.

Unfortunately.

After a couple of buckets of water thrown at Jimin's face, Jimin managed to wake up. A little bit too much for Yoongi's liking, seeing as Jimin can not shut up.

"I just know it's going to be super awkward, and I'm going to bust out laughing because of it. Like it's already weird enough that's Taehyung is going, but he had to bring some girl he just started dating. Like does he even think of y/n and her feelings like-"

"If you say like one more time, I'm going to strangle you to death" Yoongi interrupted as his head was starting to hurt from Jimin's constant blabbering. He knew that he had good intentions, but it's 10 in the morning, and honestly speaking, just the idea of seeing Taehyung is making him annoyed.

He's also a bit disappointed. He used to be close to Taehyung, but then he had to pull this little stunt.

He still remembers how Y/n had been knocking at his door at 3 in the morning. Her mascara was splattered all over her face. Her eyes were black, almost like she had been in a boxing match and lost, bad. The way her hair was sticking out, and clinging onto the corners of her face from her constant crying.

She looked so out of it. It hurt. It hurt to know that he couldn't protect her, even if he couldn't do anything to prevent her from feeling that heartache.

And the worst part was that Taehyung went mute when it came to explaining why he dumped her.

"Hello?! Are you even listening to me? God. I need a new fucking roommate, I'm amazing to talk to" Jimin didn't pay attention to Yoongi, and the way his face immediately changed.

"Sorry. What did you say?" Yoongi didn't even recognize himself. His tone, his voice. He felt and sounded so weak.

"Dude. Did you just apologize to me?" He points to himself as he stares behind him, in case he missed someone's presence.

This only annoyed Yoongi. He was always annoyed, and he hated it. For once, he wanted to feel okay. He wanted to stop this rage he carries with him. He wanted to feel nothing.

"Yeah? It's no big deal" His annoyance carried throughout his voice. He almost wanted to cry, because of how overwhelmed he felt.

How he hated emotions.

"It is if it's coming from you! You never apologize. Not even when you dropped food on my bed" 

"I guess" Yoongi shrugs, as his eyes roll back. It was his way to disguise the tears that wanted to pounce out his eyes. Even that expression felt like too much, but it was just this strong feeling, that he couldn't describe it differently.

Why was he acting like this? He should just act tough, be the man he's suppose to be. Or whatever his father used to say.

"What's wrong?" Jimin questioned, after feeling that tension between him and Yoongi. He wanted nothing more than to hear Yoongi's truth. But he knew that won't happen any time soon or ever.

But he cared. He cared so much that it physically hurt him to see Yoongi like this. And he knew why, or at least deep down he had a feeling.

It was the same reason as his. He missed his old friend. He missed laughing at the same movie, because you guys could never agree on one, and resort to one you watched ages ago.

It was a comfort movie. It was. Until it wasn't.

"Nothing" he shrugs it off. "What's wrong with you?" Yoongi's throws back the question. But he could guess the answer that was going to slip out of Jimin's mouth. It would be the same as his.

"Nothing"

Knew it.

They both stayed quiet. They were used to this, the silence. It was different before, but that was a different time. It was a time where the trio were together, where the trio would do everything together.

See, when Taehyung left and dumped y/n, in a way he also dumped his friends. At least Jimin and Yoongi. They never got an explanation either, so the pain and anger y/n feels, they feel twice as much.

They knew him longer than y/n, but still he didn't act like he did.

And they try to hide it. They try to hide the fact that Taehyung broke their hearts too. Taehyung was their glue in a way. He was the one to convince Yoongi to be a bit more out there and enjoy life. And he helped Jimin understand when it's necessary to act like an adult.

He was the perfect person to put Jimin and Yoongi in their place. The only difference was they both didn't mind it. And when he left. It was difficult for them to help or guide the other one out.

"I missed him" Yoongi wanted to blurt out. He wanted to shout. Taehyung was like his little brother, and when he lost him because he did lose him. He just wasn't ever himself.

But he chose to stay quiet. As did Jimin.

They simply gave each-other a knowing look, as their eyes began to reflect their inner pain. One smile and they went their separate ways.

Sometimes it was better to leave than stay.

Maybe they had more common with Taehyung than they thought.

You woke up with the biggest headache and you knew it was a foreshadow for todays event.

You didn't want to get up. You didn't want to see him, even though you've been waiting for this exact moment since he left.

You even typed up a couple of messages to send to Taehyung  before you eventually read them over and deleted them.

You wanted to know what he was going to say, and honestly speaking you would have sent them but you were afraid that it would be at a bad time. Or his girlfriend would see it and blame him or you for it.

You just didn't want to jeopardize Jin's birthday. And maybe you were afraid of the answer you'd get. Maybe it was a mix of both.

Sometimes you wonder if he's the same person.

Has anything changed? Well, apart from coming back and with a partner.

Has he dyed his hair the color he has always wanted? A lighter brown. Although the color sounds plain and quite common, Taehyung loved it. He said he found warmth in that color. He felt it every-time he would see that exact color in your eyes.

Has he been taking the writing courses he was saving up for? He used to walk around the streets holding your hand, showing you places, and making sure to bring a pen and notebook with him. He would bring you a pair as well. That way, you could write down what you saw, and your way of seeing the world compared to his. He wanted to learn a side of you, that only you can see. He wanted to make sure to learn and appreciate your vision.

Has he saved enough money for a car? You remember as you took bus rides to your dates, he would pick up pennies, nickels, dimes, and a couple of buttons because he couldn't see very well at night; and place them in his pocket. At first you were confused but then one day you asked him, and from that day forward, you both got to understand each-other in ways you never thought you could.

"Every-time I see a penny, nickel, or dimes on the ground, I have to pick them up. I know it sounds crazy, and I'm probably thinking too big, but I'm saving them up for two things."

And that's when you would butt in and ask him a very original question, "what are the two things?"

"Well they both involve you. Can you guess what it is?" Taehyung would always throw back a question to you, because he knew you'd get impatient and he found your annoyed face to be the cutest thing to ever exist.

"Come on! Just tell me! You know I suck at guessing. I'll probably just say something dumb too"

And as you went on with your whining, he would stare at you with pure adoration. Almost like he were looking at a cute puppy. He couldn't get enough of you. He didn't care if you or anyone else thought he was being extra or sappy, he just wanted to admire you every day.

"Well... okay! One is for a car"

"A car?"

He nods his head. "Yes! A car." He continues to admire your face, the features on your face were so perfect.

"That's great! I have a couple of coins that I can give you! It's not a lot but it's a step closer to reaching your goal. But wait, you said it involves me. How?"

"Well… honestly, I just want to be able to take you on dates without having to embarrass you. I know dating someone who uses a bus as a transportation isn't cool, so.. yeah."

"Woah. Slow your roll there buddy. Do you really think I care if you do or don't have a car?"

"No, I know you don't but I care. I mean I just- I see couples, where the guy picks them up in their own car, and takes them out and stuff. And all I can offer you is a bus ticket." He scoffs. "I want to give you what you deserve"

"Taehyung you've given me more than what I deserve. I mean I have you, and I clearly do not deserve you. And I didn't date you because of what you do or don't have. I'm with you because I know your heart, and I know that if I'm ever feeling down, you'd be there besides me, holding and making me feel better"

You can't see it because you're talking with so much speed and emotion. But something flipped in Taehyung's heart. He felt this urge to get on his knees and ask you right there to be his forever. He felt this urge to let you know, that if anyone doesn't deserve anyone, it's him. He didn't deserve you.

He didn't.

"You do all this without a car. You do all this without asking for anything back, even though I know I have a lot to repay you but-"

Your mouth was shut with a kiss. Taehyung had been hearing every single word that came out of your mouth, and each one touched his heart. He felt like he won a lottery, finding someone like you. And he knew that if he were to ever have to let you go, it would be one of the most excruciating pain he's ever felt.

You shake your head as you try to snap out of that memory. You don't even want to think of a time where you felt like you were going to be together for a long time.

You didn't even get to hear his second choice, if he were to save enough money.

It didn't matter anyways, and it shouldn't. It's been two years, so these random memories and past feelings should have been out of your system a long time ago.

You take a quick glance in the mirror, and get up with speed. You decided that today was it. Today was going to be the last day you cry and think of Taehyung. Because if you don't, you'll grow up old and sad.

And it feels stupid when you think of it. But maybe then you would convince yourself to let go. After all, today isn't your day, it's Jin's.

That old man is getting older and you need to appreciate his friendship and your other friends, before time passes by and you lose them too.

You've clearly been distant from them for a while now. You stopped going out with them, and meeting up with them in general. You always seem to use work as an excuse, and of course they never commented on it but they knew. They knew you were just drowning in your sadness.

But like you said, today was the last day. You're going to be more productive now. You'll fold your blankets, and fix up your bed. Maybe even clean your room a bit, since it looks like a tornado hit.

Your life was starting again today.

It only took a couple of hours, but you managed to clean your whole apartment, and just thinking about it makes you want to tear up. You thought for sure, you'd give up half way through cleaning, like you always do.

But for some reason, you didn't today. You accomplished something on your own, with no help. And it made you feel proud? happy? Maybe both. Because for the first time, you didn't rely on someone, and maybe you're over exaggerating, but for once you didn't care.

You were trying to let your emotions be valid.

Of course. You’re worse than today’s weather. You kept changing your mind. Because just like that, your happiness turned into nervousness.

You took a quick glance at the clock on your wall and it was time for you to get ready. You suddenly feel a slap to your face, as you're wanting nothing more then to call your two friends over.

So much for being independent and not needing to rely on someone anymore.

You walk towards the kitchen table, because you remember that was the last time you had your phone. And unknowingly form a pout, when you realize that your phone was indeed not anywhere near the kitchen area.

You sigh as you scan all over the rooms, under the couches, and even cross your fingers for someone to text or call you. But your phone is drier than a desert. And that was no where near an exaggeration, because it was the truth. its your fault though, you never answer peoples text or calls.

A knock on the door was heard, and you just knew that Jimin was behind that door. You also knew that he probably brought extra clothes, like some tights that would look "sexy" on you. Because Jimin likes to think that tights go with everything. And he also just has a weird obsession with tights if you really think about it.  

Or worse, he's brought an even sluttier dress, because he just thinks that if you wear something slutty, you're automatically not sad anymore.

To be honest, the logic is there. Just not when it involves someone as insecure as you.

You also don't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing your shocked face as you open the door, so instead you yell, "the door is open come in!" And continue searching for your damn stupid phone.

You decide to go back and check the kitchen one more time, and funny enough it's sitting right where you first had left it. You really need to get your eyes check, it's started to getting embarrassing.

As the door opens, you look through your messages and see one message from Taehyung. You debate if you should open it as your finger is placed right on top of the message. But instead choose to place your phone down on the counter and shut it off.

"I would have thought that the second time was going to work. I guess that’s why they say the third times the charm"

That voice. That bad humor. That deep awkward laugh. That feeling in your heart, when you think of  him.

"Taehyung?"

taglist: @bjoriis @btsbangers @kimxhanbin131 @got7usernames @gotjimin13 @laylasbunbunny @rjsmochii @jhopeshopee @taeriffic @shydestinyyouth @tarahardcore @bloodline1632 @turnthepageandbeburnt @starbtslove @whoa-jo @starlight-night0 @taebangtanbabe

[kamikazegyaru]

the discourse around 'the idol' is really facinating to me (it's also completely rancid and braindead of course) because while people are screaming about it as if it's some unprecedented misogyny almost every single review (sometimes even headlines) of it i've seen reeks of such exhausting type of internalized misogyny itself like they're projecting here, the call is coming from inside the house. people have such a weird negative fixation on lily's body, her tits and nipples and female sexuality in general (that they ofc accuse the show of having) it's literally all they talk about (were they fighting off hard ons in the theatre like what's going on). because you know god forbid a woman shows some nipples (i go around topless around my house all the time when it's really hot like a guy, unnecessary nudity i guess?), the fact that this is still considered 'nudity', free the nipple truly failed us. what else do they talk about? oh yeah, she's masturbating in it (horror!), there's a photo with cum on her face (outrage like this is lily's real actual photo) and some kinky consensual relationship with abel's character. this is all i can remember, such misogyny.

why do people infantilize women and treat them like little children with no mind of their own that can't consent to anything because this is really where this stems from. when you look at some of the conversations it's like the actress is being exploited literally whenever she shows boobs on screen by the big bad male director who is taking advantage of her by asking her consent lmao. obviously the controversy did what it did, but i don't think i've ever seen such a demented and intense reaction towards any other director (and i think that hit piece rolling stone published was a byproduct of that because a lot of people have been having one-sided personal beef with him for a while now, which incudes the press btw because of 'malcolm and marie' lmao). and it probably comes down to the fact that he attracted a massive and incredibly intense puritan zoomer audience and attention with 'euphoria' because i will bet my life that 'the idol' will be much less vulgar and objectifying than stuff like 'game of thrones' or 'the sopranos' or 'wolf of wall street'. but that stuff is fine because it's targeted at male audience and every female "character" that gets sexualized (and also in those examples, outside of GOT, almost every female is just an extension of a male character) in it is just some fucking furniture in the background whose function is to look pretty, get fucked, sometimes beaten and disposed of. so that's fine, but a show that is targeted at primarily female audience that displays female sexuality without inhibition told from a perspective of a female character is not fine because them broads are retarded easily exploited victims and we need to protect them.

[moonlitlex]

honestly i could write essay after essay about everything that made that finale bad. and i will. however comma i genuinely do not care about any of these characters enough to want to do that. i don't want to spend my time critiquing and analysing a show where all the characters are boring and the plot is all deus ex machina.

LIKE. WHO IS RUBY. WHO IS SHE. WHO FUCKING IS SHE.

she's done with the whole SEASON. she was in EVERY episode. and we literally don't know anything about her apart from the whole mom mystery thing which is all for the big reveal at the end anyway?

and i can talk about the ways in which that was unsatisfying and so on. but like what does that tell us about RUBY? what do we know about HER

and the answer is honestly very little. ruby is such a stock doctor who companion that it's just kind of boring. she gets a big mystery, because of fucking course she does, and who is she outside of that? nice?? sweet?? does as she's told?? (this one is fucking boring btw) kind of like the chibnall companions, she's whoever she needs to be for the situation at hand. the writers say ruby needs to be shocked by landing on a planet after 6 months of travelling with the doctor, so she is. she isn't a person. she has one desire, which is to find her mother, and the only reason she gets to have that is that rtd needs to set up whatever the fuck was going on with her mom for the finale. that's it.

and the doctor. like why should we care about this doctor specifically, outside of the fact that this is the character we have been following for the whole show? who is he??? like seriously who is he? he doesn't get any character development? what makes him different from other doctors? who the fuck is this guy????

i said earlier that ncuti's doctor is what you get when you throw all the doctors in a blender and i stand by that. he's definitely the doctor, but he's like an average of all the other doctors with nothing particularly unique or special about him. ruby is what you get when you throw all the companions in a blender. definitely a companion, with nothing unique or special about her either. much like chibnall's companions, all she gets to do is stand around and watch.

and the crucial missing factor is we don't get to see what they see in each other. which from the companion's perspective is still excusable because here's a dude with a spaceship time machine and that sounds kind of sick so lets go and travel with him is an understandable motivation. but what does he see in her? because there's always a moment where you can see the doctor sort of think, oh yeah, i should travel with this person.

but there isn't really this moment with ruby. it's kind of like with how thirteen meets her companions. she just sort of runs into them, and now they're stuck together. and ncuti does get to emote more than jodie, so at least you can see that ruby and the doctor do like each other, but their relationship isn't really fleshed out ever. and like i can buy ruby risking her life for him, because that is just sort of what happens on doctor who, but it's not based on anything. we don't see them develop this trust of each other. their relationship doesn't get developed. it just appears fully formed.

[resowrites]

Terror By Night - drabble.

Summary: Crate training proves a difficult task all round…

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Girlfriend!OC

Warnings: fluff, banter/British humour, dialogue heavy, language, pet names, nondescript OC body type/appearance, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 665

A/N: My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

Terror By Night - drabble.

"Do you know how handsome you are?" She smoothed the side of Henry's head, her fingers sliding through his curls.

"Yes. And I'm not bringing her up here." She harrumphed and turned over in bed. Less than a minute later she threw off the covers. "Where you off to missy?"

"… Nowhere. Just the bathroom." Henry sighed.

"Darling come back to bed…"

"But she's whining!"

"Who is?" She lobbed her pillow at him. "She's fine, I promise you. Come on, beddy-byes." Henry pulled her back onto the bed and into his arms.

"But what if she's not? What if she's snagged her collar or something?"

"Then she'd be making a lot more noise. Now go to sleep."

"Can't I just go check on her quickly?"

"Darling, I checked on her twenty minutes ago. She just wants attention because she's bored and doesn't want to go to sleep. I can't imagine where she picked that up…"

"Why can't we just move the crate in here?"

"Because Kal already sleeps in here and--"

"So she gets left whimpering in the living room? Do I have that correct?"

"Ollie, for the love of God, go to sleep."

"No. This isn't just cruel to Copper, it's cruel to me. Well balls to it, I'm not leaving her in distress all night…" She wriggled free and turned to switch on the bedside light.

"Darling, she can't learn that every time she whines-- sorry whimpers," she shot Henry a death stare, "you come running!"

"Well, I'm not having her think that if she cries, no one's coming because nobody loves her!" He chuckled.

"So she's crying now?!"

"Henry, she's only little, sometimes babies need--"

"She's a puppy--"

"So?! Imagine if that was poor little Kal! Shivering away in a big scary crate… separated from his mother and siblings-- Henry? Henry, are you listening?" She swatted him awake.

"Mmm w-what? Is it morning already?"

"Right, fuck this. I'm coming Copper, don't worry, no one's abandoned you--"

"Ollie, she's not thinking that! If anything she'll be thinking 'oh good, here comes the muppet with big tits to play tug of war with me the rest of the night…'"

"And is that how you see me? A muppet with big tits?"

"I was speaking purely from Copper’s perspective…"

"Henry, please. She needs comforting--"

"There's a difference between comforting and coddling--"

"You coddle me!"

"Yeah well you're beyond help," Henry kissed her between the eyes, "but it's not too late for Copper." He switched off the light and tried to nestle her back into his arms.

"… Why are you doing this to me?" Henry sighed.

"I could ask the same thing…"

"You know a lack of empathy towards animals is a sign of psychopathy?"

"Mhmm. Go to sleep."

"Do you think her snuggle buddy needs new batteries?"

"No."

What about another blanket?"

"No."

"… Did you give her long enough outside?"

"Yes! I did everything short of burping her now will you please go to sleep?!" A minute or two passed.

"… Well maybe it's gas then?"

"Lullaby and good night, with pink roses bedight--"

"Henry, you're not funny--"

"With lilies o'er spread is my baby's sweet head--"

"You know I could have just checked on her by now--"

"Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed--"

"Will you stop?! You can't even sing--"

"Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed," he kissed her again, "night-night muppet." She sighed and after a little while, snuck her phone off the nightstand. "What are you doing now?!" Henry squinted at the slideshow of puppy pictures playing on loop.

"Nothing, I was just--" but it was too late, he'd chucked back the covers and was already thumping down the stairs.

Several minutes passed before Henry reappeared with a triumphant puppy underarm and a dour look on his face. Ollie squealed in delight. "Not one word!" She nodded as Copper raced towards her the minute she was plonked on the bed.

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

@elizabetharegina @luclittlepond @fanfictionaddiction99 @caffeinatedfestivalsheep @summersong69

[welcometoteyvat]

zhongli kaeya chongyun? — @apologems

word vomit ahead!!

kaeya: not super invested in him SFJKDSGHSKDJF. he has narrative appeal (dead country + multiple allegiances + betrayal(s) + potential diaspora = multiple identity conflicts carefully hidden behind masks and acts) but I don't really think about him much. he's also complicated enough that i dont feel confident actually stating anything about his character without rereading the tons of supporting material about him (still haven't finished the genshin manga). i think the obsession with his relationship with diluc is rather unfortunate; yes the period of time they were living together was extremely important for both of their stories, but also neither of their lives stopped after the fallout—they can interact with other people, outside of each other?? yeah the fallout would affect their perspectives but i feel like all i ever really see is ragbros or kaeluckae with some rare kaeya and albedo/venti/jean/amber or other people. give the guy some other supports brother. honestly what i'd most like to see is kaeya and traveler that would be v invigorating. back to the actual topic, I think he should go a bit crazy, even if we only get to see that in endgame or something. oh also ive seen enough complaints about how fans portray him that there are 100% too many bad takes of fanon kaeya

zhongli: honestly there's not much to say about him; I think his canon arc is satisfactory already so i'm like :) zhongli :) my husband... if we saw more archon war snippets that would be cool but generally i'm like chill with how he's been developed. that being said, if people are still making "zhongli is a cruel god" "zhongli was a brute/all brawn no brain" "zhongli is a macho god of war" headcanons: i never want to see you all again lol. do you know what happens in wars? you kill people. zhongli was in a war ≠ zhongli is a bloodthirsty cruel god, even with whatever might've gone down in khaenri'ah

chongyun: my little guy....... generally i (neurotypical) agree/can see the plausibility of the autism headcanon that's pretty popular (?) but god i NEED him to go insane at some point. I need it viscerally. even the small amount of pushback he exhibited in waterborne poetry was good. more please. i need the chili jokes to die. I need genshin canon itself to stop treating yang imbalance as a joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (probably impossible but that's just a daily struggle) i need xingqiu's malicious teasing to be taken fucking seriously by the fandom. I NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE HIM TO INAZUMA AND HAVE HIM TRY THEIR COLD DISHES. i need so much potential character development from him, and most of all I need fandom and canon to stop treating him as a xingqiu attachment. I need the interpretation that he's a polite doormat to die, I need something major to happen to him/traumatize him so we get to see his inner workings, I need the jokes to stop, I generally want the storyline to be more invested in his character. waterborne poetry save me. falls down the stairs and dies.

[public-trans-it-deactivated20240]

I'm fascinated by your nuanced astrology takes. Care to share?

Sure! My answer is nuanced in that it doesn't fit into an easy "Astrology is bad/Astrology is good" dichotomy but like... its not that in depth.

Astrology is bad because it is a mechanism resulting in prejudice. Judging people for the circumstances of their birth is, pretty blatantly, NOT A FUCKING GOOD THING TO DO. "Scorpios can't be asexual" is a genuine real take I have seen on this hellsite, for example. This becomes even more apparent when you start comparing the differences between how genders express their supposed astrological personalities differently, and then try to apply that to trans people. Easy way to start a fight, and get a LOT of trans people mad at you.

However, Astrology is a form of divination, and like pretty much all forms of divination it has a very effective place as a tool for self-exploration. Much like Tarot, and pretty much any other form of divination, Astrology is vague enough to apply to everyone, and can be interrupted in multiple different ways such that it can never really be wrong. This is pointed out very very frequently by detractors as evidence that its fake. However, this is a FEATURE not a FLAW. The whole strength of it is that it makes you exercise your brain and look at your life to pick it apart and put a focus on parts you normally wouldn't.

Lets take my daily horoscope from the Washington Post as an example:

This means fuck all. This could be about literally anyone on the planet. But, lets look at it closer. Alright, yeah, I kinda have been leaning towards work too much in a work life balance. My performances is great, I don't have anything to worry about, maybe I SHOULD take a little bit of time to relax today instead of being nose to the grind stone. No real movies I want to watch though. Oh! Ice cream! Right I have that ice cream in the freezer I keep forgetting to finish off, I should do that before I leave for work, sure. And normally I eat my lunch just before my shift starts, and then spend the lunch break either socializing or napping, but I have been leaning a lot more on socializing lately. Maybe getting a nap in this time would be good for me. Right, I also have plans to play some games with a friend on my next day off, but I haven't actually unpacked my switch since I moved, let me make sure I go do that and start charging it so its ready to go when we do.

BAM. Got a solid plan for what I'm going to do today, and also set reminders for myself to do a few things I keep forgetting. That is EXTREMELY useful. As someone with ADHD, getting an alarm going off at the same time every single day to remind me to do something... doesn't actually remind me to that well. I start to tune it out. Something like this provides a tool with which I can look at my life from a different angle, and more easily note the various aspects I am forgetting, and that is a VERY useful tool that should not be taken from anyone, nor should they be judged for using it.

tl;dr version: Applying Astrology to yourself can be a useful tool for exploring your life from an outside perspective, but the second you apply it to someone else you are kind of a piece of shit.

[imunbreakabledude]

gen v ep 4 thoughts

i guess i will put these behind a cut not that there's a lot of them

mostly just wanna say... i was very casually thinking "oh jordan/marie might be fun" before this ep but didn't fully think they'd go there just because... I don't know, I guess my ingrained belief that any sort of queer char outside the "norm" is not gonna be in a relationship with the main lead of a tv show? which is sad but I'm glad they are going for it? my one hesitation right as they kissed the first time was "shit is this gonna be a thing where it's just mariexboy-jordan and it's kinda heteronormative even w a distinctly queer character?" but the ending, i am now very much on board because yay queer marie, yay genderfuckery, and yay rivals to begrudging allies to lovers... i love it...

i was laughing that boy-jordan actor (derek something? Maybe? I am not great on the actor names for this show yet) basically did nothing this ep besides kiss marie tho lmao i do wonder in the writing/directing of the show how much they decided when each actor would be playing jordan - both for story implications but also in terms of giving the actors stuff to do, just an interesting thing to consider

also what are we callin it. jorrie? jordie? mardan? I think i like jordie

anyways i don't really give a shit about cate/andre or sam/emma i mean they're both fine but I am HERE for jordan and marie i hope it continues to be interesting and doesn't turn into any kind of sad cop out "one time thing" or shit

other thoughts i suppose

i will have to go look up what the fuck Tek Knight's power is supposed to be because it seemed like... super senses or super observation? like sherlock or the guy from psych? but i thought Tek Knight was supposed to be an iron man parody so i had been expecting something tech related... i cant decide if i found him entertaining or not... i guess, slightly. the whole "he just fucks things all the time because of a tumor" thing didn't really hit the mark for me it didn't quite land as funny nor like, an interesting way for dean shetty to one up him ... how man things he fucked in that montage IN PUBLIC SPACES i don't believe that it isn't ALREADY on instagram lol

Sam... I do like, big creds to his actor whose name i dont recall for making him so charming and sympathetic but also at the same time I am feeling a ~little~ like it's falling into that sorta fetishizing mental illness trope idk how to describe it but like similar vibes i got from anytime people (women) would go "crazy" on j*ss wh*don shows... idk idk i'm gonna see if i can find any perspectives from people with schizophrenia about this portrayal bc I don't know too much about it tbh! but yeah i... i dunno yet

i'm glad they confirmed giant emma is a thing too lol but imagine growing that large and then your bits are just on full display to everyone. your giantized bits. enlarged for easy viewing. i know a lot of people become naked with their powers in this universe so it's probably not AS weird for them but .. lol

ON THAT NOTE... JORDAN should share their secret for magic clothing that fits you perfectly no matter when your body changes with emma. lmao i kid but it's weird to me that every other character on this show whose power morphs their body in such a way that clothes would fall off or get destroyed (Emma, Golden Boy, etc) or otherwise be impracitcal (Translucent and the other invisible RA guy), they stick to the "realism" in that sense... which is just making me fixate on how the FUCK do jordan's clothes work? i mean, they have great style, but also their outfits fit PERFECTLY in both forms. and i'm like how? how does that work? they are very different sizes. Also like... are they wearing a bra? looks like it at least in some of the outfits w the tight shirts. Where's the bra go when they go into masculine form? huh? i wouldn't be asking these questions at all if the show didn't specifically call attention to clothing with everyone else's powers lmao.

Also I have to say the dick exploding scene felt really random and unnecessary .. there are times when the audacious/gory scenes on this show (and The Boys) really work but a handful of them on this show so far aren't hitting quite as much for me and feeling more like they just insist upon doing more of them to remind you "this is a The Boys spinoff!!! remember??? it's The Boys!!! Exploding Dicks!!!" like it'd be OKAY if you went an episode without genitals exploding... this show is already different... there's still people dying... we know...

intrigued by the teaser about the memory loss or whatever's going on w that...

[lunamadhatter99]

The Lady and the Lord

Part 1

This is the beginnig of my Eddie Munson series, let me know what you think, if you want to be tagged and all that jazz.

⚠️ SPOILER SEASON 4 ⚠️

Chapter summary: pretty much the first episode from the Reader perspective, also the first small interactions with Eddie.

Chapter warning: harassment, one of the football team being a dick.

Here I am, looking at my reflection in the mirror: last day before spring break begins. Thank goodness some peace at last.

I check one last time my appearance before hearing Steve honking right outside so I grab my bag and head out.

"Hey" I greet both him and Robin on the passenger sit.

"Hey Y/n"

"Hi" Robin sends me a big smile as I get in the car with them.

As always Steve is driving us to school.

"How's it going?" Steve asks immediately.

"Oh since today is last day, all fucking good" I say.

"I know right!" Robin "Hey, quick question and please be honest" she turn to look at me from her seat.

"Yeah?"

"Do I look like a corpse?" She asks.

Her question catching me completely off guard.

"What? No, why do you ask? Or, most importantly... since when do you even care?" I answer.

"Exactly" Steve agrees "thank you, honey"

"Stop calling her that. She's not your girlfriend" Robin scolds him.

"It's fine, I'm used to it" I laugh.

Steve's been my closest friend since... ever, basically. He always called me 'honey' as the most playful thing ever.

We grew apart after he started hanging out with Tommy and the rest of those 'lovely' people... anyway after the events involving the Upside Down we found each other again.

"See? She gets me." Steve says as a matter of fact.

"Whatever" Robin says as she starts to fix her look in the small mirror.

"How was your date with... uhm... Brenda..?" I hesitate a bit, I can't remember the name of each girl he goes out with.

"Stella" he corrects "Yeah.. Good, but not my type."

"Right.." I nod. "So who's Brenda?"

"Brenda is Tonight. Then there's Heidi tomorrow night, but the problem with Heidi is that she's going out of state for collage. Do I wanna start another relationship that has no point other than sex? I mean, I don't know. Does that make sense to you?" He then asks us, but Robin is definitely not paying attention and I lost track of the names long time ago.

"Are you two listening?" He asks.

"Yes"

"Yeah"

We both say quickly.

"What did I just say?" He tests us.

"Something about sex with... uhm" Robin starts turning to seek help.

"With Linda..?" I try.

"No, I'm talking about Heidi." He exclaims with an exasperated laugh.

"Cut me some slack, please. Your love life is one of labyrinthine complexity. It is 7 in the morning, we have the stupid pep rally, and I woke up looking like a total corpse!" Robin snaps.

"You don't look like a corpse, Robin, stop" I assure her again.

"You're worried about a pep rally? Expect us to believe that?" Steve says.

"Yeah? So?"

"So, we all know what this is about. I'm not buying that, Y/n is mot buying that. This is about Vickie." He states.

"Absolutely not" Robin tries to defend herself.

"Yes it is, Robin, c'mon" I tell her.

"Oh so you're on his side now?" Robins accuses me.

"And you know what else I think?"

"I don't care-"

"You gotta stop pretending to be someone else when you're around her." Steve's using his motherly tone.

"You're literally quoting me to me. You do realise that." She replies.

"Well, then try to listen to yourself. How about that?" I tell her.

"Yeah, exactly. I listened. Look at me. Boom. Back on business." Steve says proudly.

"A little too much, but whatever works with you Stevie" I tease him.

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing. Okay? You ask a girl put and she says no. Big deal. Nothing happens. Maybe your ego is a little bruised. I ask out the wrong girl and bam, I'm a town pariah" she explains.

"I'd buy that, except Vicki's is definitely not the wrong girl." Steve tries to reassure her.

"We just don't know that, do we?" She says back.

"She returned 'fast times' paused at 53 minutes, 5 seconds. Do you know who pauses 'fast times' at 53 minutes, 5 seconds?" He asks looking at us "people who like boobies, Robin."

Oh god.

"Ew, gross don't say boobies" Robin replies not so sligly disgusted.

"Yeah, please Harrington" I say.

"Boobies! It's not a big deal, okay? I like boobies. You like boobies. Vickie likes boobies. Definitely... it's boobies."

His supporting ways are... peculiar, to say the least.

"Can we talk about something else? Thank you" she basically order us.

"Fine fine! So I got a date, Robin got her band thing, what about our lovely Y/n?" Steve asks.

"I gotta help Nancy at the game. I'll be taking pictures" I answer him simply.

"You know.. we gotta find someone for you." Steve simply says, like it was the most amazing idea ever.

"What do you mean?" I ask confused.

"Well.. Robin and I can't be the only two with love problems" he answers. "Some solidarity, honey"

"I'm fine, thank you very much" I say laughing.

"Oh please! Nancy and Robin are the only ones you talk to at school, beside some 14 years old-" he starts.

"And I'm okay with it, Steve. Plus the perspective of having to talk to someone I don't know... scares me. So.. appreciate the thought, but no" I smile at him.

"Well you talked to me" Robin intervenes.

"That was different, our lives were at risk, russians, mind flayer, possessed people everywhere... that was deadly necessary" I chuckle, even if the events of last summer, and everything before that, don't have anything to chuckle about.

"Yeah well... think about it as deadly necessary too" Robin suggests.

"I don't have that imagination" I laugh.

"We'll find a way" Steve says to Robin quietly, to not make me hear, but I do.

"Don't you dare" I warn.

"Okay okay"

"Yeah sorry"

They say at the same time.

I don't want a relationship now, too much trouble. I need to focus on finishing this damn school, then I will have time to experiment and all that.

The day goes on pretty well, nothing major happening. A pretty normal day.

As I'm going to throw away the leftover of my lunch, in the cafeteria, I spot Mike and Dustin, nervously looking at their table.

I stop with them.

"You guys good?" I ask with a small chuckle "you look like you're about to get shot"

"That would be more gentle I'm sure" Dustin is the one to answer.

"What's wrong?"

"Well... Lucas decided to betray us and won't be present at tonight's campaign" Mike finally speaks.

"And... is that a tragedy because...?"

"It's the end of Eddie's campaign." Dustin answers.

"Can't you.. postpone?" I ask.

"That's our plan.. the problem is.. telling him" Dustin replies, swallowing hard.

"Oh c'mon. He's not that scary." I tell them.

"You say that only because you find him cute" Mike says.

"What?" I ask, feeling my face heat up at that.

"Anyway, why don't you sit with us and... protect us" Dustin asks.

"Oh no no no. No can do, little genius. Not a chance" I say.

"You'll have our lives on your conscience" He replies, raking a deep breath.

"After all those times I saved you asses from demo-things, I think I can leave you to him for this once" I answer walking away.

After I threw away the food I take out my notes, to see what I need before going to Nancy.

I'm a bit lost in my thoughts as I walk near the wall when my attention is caught my Eddie Munson himself standing on the table, making faces at Jason and then turning around.

"It's forced conforming" I hear him say as he walks back on the table.

"That's what's killing the kids!" He says the last part shouting and jumping of the table, scaring a few people that walk by, not me though. I just chuckle as I keep walking.

He sees me and simply takes a theatrical step back to let me pass.

"After you, m'lady" he says as I walk past him sending him a small smile.

"C'mon, man, stop staring" one of his friends says, making me turn around to make eye contact with Eddie who was already looking at me.

He just winks at me with a smile, my face got warmer than before so I quickly turn my head around and just keep walking.

Did he actually just winked at me?

Nah... yeah?

Nah.

"Fucking hell.." I mutter as I walk to the gym.

Nancy needs more pictures of the basketball team for the school paper. So here I fucking am, on my way to the gym full of dickheads.

I enter and tell the coach I had to take pictures as the boys practice for the game.

As soon as he gives me permission I move around a bit to take as many pictures as possible so Nancy won't send me here again... hopefully.

As I stop near the benches to prepare the camera for another set of shots, one of the players come sit close to where I was standing, I feel him staring at me, but I pay him no mind though, focusing all my attention to the camera. Maybe if he sees that I'm busy he won't start a conversation.

"Hey there"

Boy, I was wrong...

I don't answer, pretending to not hear him might help.

"Hey, baby"

Nope. No help. At. All.

I just turn my head to face him and mutter a small "hi" before getting back to the camera.

"How are the pictures going?"

I can tell he's not really interested.

"Good" I simply say.

"Not so many words, uh? It's cool, actually better, you know" he comments.

I roll my eyes and keep fixing the object in my hand.

All of a sudden I feel him standing up.

Oh great he's finally going away...

"You look like you know what you're doing"

No...He stands right next to me, watching closely what I'm doing, making me go completely rigid.

"Yeah" I say quietly.

"Good with you hands too" he comments again, now he's basically attached to me.

"I guess" I say, moving away in a poor attempt to put some distance, but he's quick to follow.

"You're the quiet one, aren't you?" I can hear the teasing, mocking tone very clearly.

I obviously don't say anything, I just look around hoping someone catches on what's going on, but no one seems to notice.

"But I bet I can make you scream" he whispers directly in my ear, making me jump, but he quickly put his hands on my hips, preventing me to move too far. "I want to make you scream so loud everyone will know what a little whore you actually are"

"Get off" I tell him.

"Aah! She speaks" he fakes surprise. "You won't say those words tonight, trust me, you'll be all mine." He jokingly say, even if the 'joke' seems more like a threat.

Thankfully the bell rings and he just walks to the showers with the other, not before yelling "hope to see you tonight!" And laughs.

I quickly gather my things as soon as he disappeared into the showers, when Lucas' figure catches my eyes.

"Hey.." he timidly say.

"Hey" I say, trying to act like nothing happened.

"I... I'm sorry a-about Andy" he tries.

"Nothing happened" I say, still getting my things to avoid any eye contact with the boy.

"Y/n, I saw" he calmly says.

I take a deep breath and look at him.

"It's okay.. I mean, could you have stopped him? Not with the whole team here at least. Don't worry, kiddo" I say giving him a quick hug before stepping back. "Please... go shower, you smell" I playfully shove him towards the bathroom and then I walk out of the gym as quickly as possible.

I walk quickly while I put my things in the bag paying no attention to whatever's around me, in fact I run into someone, dropping some paper.

"I'm so sorry" I say kneeling down to grab the fallen paper.

"No worries, m'lady"

Eddie?

I look up and as I lock eyes with the metalhead, I look back down just as quickly.

"Here" he says kneeling down with me to help me gather my paperwork.

"Thanks" I say quietly standing back up, Eddie does too.

"No problem... hey, you okay? You look a bit.. shaken. Do those pricks give you trouble too?" he asks, concern hidden by a nervous chuckle.

"No, uhm.. he was just-" I cut myself off, seeing how he frowns, visibly concerned, trying to understand what happened, I shake my head "I'm fine. Don't worry" I finally say standing up, putting the paper back in my bag.

"Are you sure?" He asks again, eyeing the gym doors suspiciously.

"Yeah yeah. Thanks. I.. I gotta go" I say, but I stay put staring into his eyes.

When he nods with a small smile, I shake my head again and I quickly walk away.

"I got the pictures" I say walking back into the room to Nancy.

"Oh great, if they win tonight we need more pictures from them 'practicing the victory', thanks" she says handing the camera to another girl to have the movie developed.

"You okay?" She asks looking at me.

"Yeah, why?" I say, as calmly as possible.

"You look.. tense"

"Nah, I'm okay, just can't wait for this day to be over" I lie.

"Mh" she looks at me sceptically, but leave it alone. "Ypu remember, I need you tonight at the championship game, for the picture of the game"

Fuck. I forgot about that...

"Yeah, yeah, no I... remember" I reply with a nervous chuckle.

Everyone is so excited about this game, everyone is cheering and clapping for the team to finally win.

The band is playing as always, I see Robin next to Vickie, hoping she's not feeling that nervous now.

The team enters the gym and the cheerleading squad, obviously, cheers louder and I take pictures next to Nancy and Fred who's ready to take notes.

I see Steve entering the gym too, with... oh shit.. Stacy.. no.. Carol... no, Brenda! Yes.

"Does it bother you that, like, we might win a championship right after you graduated?" I hear her asking Steve.

"Yeah, that's an interesting point. Thank you so much for bringing that up, Brenda" he answers looking around, to not show how her words slightly affected him. He locks eyes with me and I sarcastically pull my thumbs up for him, he just rolls his eyes and follow the blond girl to their seat.

"Everyone now please rise for our national anthem" Everybody stands up "singing for us tonight, we have a very special guest. All the way from Nashville, our very own Tammy Thomson!" He announces and leave the court.

Holy shit.

I hold back a laugh.

I'm gonna tease the hell put of Robin later, since Steve is already doing that now apparently. I see him mouthing something on the line of "muppet" at her after Tammy started to 'sing'.

Then the game begins and I just focus on taking pictures.

And they actually won... unbelievable.

Lucas finally got to show he can really play. I'm so proud of him.

I'm gonna congratulate him tomorrow, now he's enjoying his well-deserved glory, so I just walk out after saying goodbye to Nancy.

I hear someone yelling something, but I keep walking out of the school.

"Hey baby"

I still keep walking, when a sweaty, breathless Andy runs in front of me blocking my way.

"Hi baby" he repeats.

"Hi" I say and try to walk past him, but he moves to prevent me from going any further.

"Trying to run away from me?" He playfully asks.

"I just want to go home" I honestly say.

"Oh c'mon, come celebrate the win" he tries to convince me.

" I..." I start.

"I'll make it worth your while" he smirks.

He then moves closer, holding out a hand to try to touch my cheek but I instantly step back avoiding his hand.

"I'm tired... thanks, but I do have-"

"I told you you'll be mine tonight" he says, trying to sound seductive, but he just makes my blood run cold.

"I'm not interested" I say quietly.

"What was that?" He mockingly asks getting closer.

"She said she's not interested, man." Steve's voice catches both attention.

Thank goodness.

"We're having a moment here, Harrington" Andy says, annoyed.

"I think you're having a moment, she isn't. So be a gentleman and back the fuck off, man." Steve tells him. "Or I could just tell everyone you can't get a girl"

"Whatever man." Andy then turns to me "I'll see you around, baby"

When Andy walks away, Steve shouts "no you won't"

"You okay?" He turns to me.

"Yeah.. thank you Steve" I tell him.

"Don't mention it. Let's get your ass home" he says wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"And your date?" I ask with a small chuckle.

"Oh... not my type. Again. Just my luck" he says defeated.

"Oh don't worry, you'll find your true love" I assure him patting his back.

"If you liked me enough I wouldn't have this problem" he jokes.

"As well as Robin" I joke back.

"Yeah.. surrounded by amazing girls... who just doesn't like me" he dramatically says.

"We do like you, just not in the way you want" I tell him with a smile.

"Yeah yeah, don't rub it in, uh" He says.

"Righ. Better get your bruised ego home" I joke.

"Are you gonna be okay there all alone?" Steve asks after I climbed out of his car.

"Yeah, as always" I answer.

"Mh... call if you need anything." He tells me. "Or I could stay"

"Yes, Steve, stop worrying. I'll just make some beads rings to calm down and not think about that dick, I'm gonna be sooooo fine" I reassure him.

"Fine fine" he chuckles, "you coming tomorrow right?"

"As always" I say. "Night Steve"

"Night honey" he says starting his car.

I walk to my house and get in.

Then I walk to my room, take out some beads and start to make a flower ring.

I love living on my own, I really do. Sometimes I just think it would be nice to enter and shout "mom I'm home!" And hearing her asking about the evening and the game, talk about everything.

Unfortunately my parents died long time ago, I lived with my grandmother, who left me the house when she died about.. 5 years ago.

I shouldn't have lived alone, but I was so scared to leave Hawkins and this place that Hopper pulled some strings and let me stay here on my own since that young age.

Hopper... why do my thoughts lead me to him now... he was like the father I literally never head. We bickered all the time, but I cared about him and he cared about me.

My mind runs to that day at Starcourt.

We were catching pur breath after the fight with a possessed Billy, we planned how to end that. Joyce, Murray and Hopper were supposed to get into the Russian base and close the gate to the Upside Down.

Hopper was giving El a motivational speech, I just stood there watching them, feeling a bit envious, I have to admit. They definitely looked like father and daughter. They both tried to let me in, asking me to join them on their Miami Vice nights, but I never accepted... to scared to know what if feels to have a real family, I think.

I remember calling for him before he and the rest went to the base.

"Hop!" I called him.

"Yeah? What is it?" He asks.

"I... I'm sorry.." I stuttered out shaking my head.

"About what?" He replied with a small chuckle.

"I just... do you think... uhm.. I mean.. you and El have any plans for.. for.. Friday night? I heard there's this show, that seems kinda cool... I'd like to check it out.." I timidly said, my eyes focusing on playing with my rings instead of him.

I kept my eyes down, getting more nervous as the seconds went on without an answer from him, so I worked up the courage to look up at him and to find him smiling. A warm, proud smile.

"Only if you buy the snacks" he said before hugging me.

I hugged him back tightly...That was the last time I saw him...

I shake my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts.

I put away the beads and head to bed.

I definitely need to sleep all these thoughts away.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Let's be real, if Shoto and Enji ever met Ozai it would be one of the only times where they are in total agreement on something. And if they learn Ozai personally intentionally scarred Zuko oh man he's just dead.

Actually that makes me think of Shoto's scar. Do we ever see Enji's first reaction to his son being scarred?

Yeah no like.

I know I went on a little ramble in those tags and obviously I have 'The Road to Hell' going on BUT

Enji is.... 90% a good person. He's clearly an awful husband and father. But his abuse comes from something well-intentioned. It's 'discipline', not something he enjoys. It's for some Greater Good. And that doesn't excuse jack shit, but the perspective is different compared to an abuser who does it for kicks and/or because it's the only way they feel like they have power over someone. Plus outside of his family, he is a genuinely good person. He's the #2 Hero for a /reason/. He wouldn't have gotten that title and held it for 25-ish years if he wasn't a good person on the whole!

Which does lead to accidental hypocritical behavior when it comes to seeing others' abuse. People who are much more selfish and/or enjoy being awful people will be met with disgust for their actions, even if they're similar to his own. (again, absolutely coming up in The Road to Hell)

So yeah! Enji would see what Ozai does and see him as a villain that needs to be taken the fuck out.

As for Enji's reaction to Shoto's scar!

I'm not sure if we see his direct reaction when it happens/when he finds out. I know we see a scene of him being upset at Rei for what happened, though.... it's being told in flashback from Shoto who might be a slightly unreliable narrator. (I don't mean this in a way to say that Enji wasn't awful, because he was. But Shoto very clearly and justifiably hates him, which colors everything he does even if it's innocuous.).

The one thing we /do/ know about Enji's reaction is that he got Rei help. Like, there's a lot of things he /could/ have done there that would've been asshole moves. Kicking her out, divorcing her(I know divorce is frowned upon in Japan but 'scarring the child' might get sympathy), ignoring the situation and letting her still be around the kids despite the danger.

Instead he got her help with her mental health. It did include her having to stay in the hospital, but he did get her the help she needed.