#but i don't feel it really reflects my listening since i often listen to albums within larger playlists so i didn't include that

[jakeperalta]

I check this religiously every sunday (my top 100 playlist is literally my #2 playlist of the year) so none of this is a surprise to me but I guess now we're sharing these things so here we have it. now we can all see how I spent my year deeply obsessed with the good witch and rolling up the welcome mat 🥲

[katebeckets]

the tortured poets department

i have thoughts!! surprising, right?? this is for anyone who cares to read them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Before you read, note that this is going to be critical of things, so let me just start by saying I have loved and listened to Taylor since I was 8, so none of it is said lightly or without careful thought (in fact, this took me absurdly long to write). Most of the issues I have are very near to my heart, actually, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. If you don't want to read criticism, then just don't read more. DISCLAIMER that I did my best, but not even this fully captures the nuance I feel able my own opinions lol I recognize the other sides and points, I really do. I hold many conflicting opinions.

The short version is I will always love her music and her voice and she is capable of writing absolutely gorgeous lyrics (dare I say poetry?). I don't tend to think too much about the sound of it because if I like the sound, it's all I really care about—maybe it sounds the same as other stuff, but if I like that other stuff, I don't really care about whether she branches out or not. I think it's great and interesting when she (or anyone) does, but I also don't like change so it doesn't matter to me the way I know it matters to some people. That's just me!

What gets more complicated for me is the narrative, themes, and general trends that have been more prominent the last year or so, and that's what the rest of my thoughts are. It's me enjoying the music while also being acutely aware of all the grief tangled up in it because of how much less connected I feel in many ways.

Side note: this got soooo much longer than even I expected and it still just scratches the surface! so if you decide to read, 1. thank you, and 2. I'd love to keep talking to you. 🤍

———————————————————— 💭

I am an overthinker (shocking!) and will for sure be annoyed that I can't think of each and every thing I think about this album, but this is what comes to mind right now. Some things that have stood out to me more and more with each release:

a tendency to write self-aware lyrics that, in trying to be self-aware, betray somewhat of a lack of self-awareness

a frustration with never growing up that she expresses while also not realizing the way she is complicit in that and her own refusal to grow up

considering herself the victim, particularly after "overcoming" the accusations that she always plays the victim

venturing more boldly into the territory of serious mental illness/suicidal ideation/mental health treatment despite demonstrating a fair amount of ignorance regarding those things in the past

fame going to her head (in the sense of her becoming further and further out of touch) and the entitlement in a lot of the more immature attitudes that come across in these songs

self-awareness: for me, the first example that comes to mind is Anti-Hero: "it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me." It's a claim at self-awareness because she's poking fun at the fact that she knows people always say "maybe she's the problem." The reason why it feels to me like it exposes a lack of self-awareness is because she explores it mostly as a criticism to overcome and not a valid point of self-reflection. @jakeperalta's tags on her post explain it better than I do. Yes, there's an issue when you reduce every feeling to "well maybe she's the problem," but part of growth is admitting that maybe you are part of the problem and coming to terms with the fact that there is often some inevitable truth to that statement—and being willing to work on it. This example is from Midnights, but I think it ties into the next point.

immaturity/never growing up: I actually think these first two sections are just two parts of one section, but it's easier to read this way anyway. There are lots of references to not growing up on this album, the first that come to mind being "So High School" and "teenage petulance." Maybe it's just me, but as a 34-year-old woman, I wouldn't want to be feeling "so high school." I mean, as a 25-year-old, when I talk about feeling like my high school self, it's usually because I'm recognizing how limited my judgment and self-awareness was in high school (despite all the therapy and my efforts to be self-aware in high school). And I am aware of my own bias here—I absolutely hate the football game days because I didn't even like watching people act like that in high school, but at least they were high schoolers—but I do think part of what we've seen is Travis allowing her to be more immature and take less responsibility because that's also where he is at. Obviously I don’t speak to it with any authority since I don't know what happened in the relationship, but based on her behaviors and what I know about Joe (which is VERY little), I kind of get the feeling that part of what she didn't like about being with Joe is that he pushed her to grow. "Your integrity makes me seem small," etc. etc., but not in an “I want to grow” way, but not liking that feeling because she shouldn't have to feel small just because she wants to be able to only do what makes her happy. Just looking at the difference in her behavior and the fact that it seems like she's stopped trying to learn (Miss Americana-ish), it seems like she very much resents the responsibility that comes with being such a famous person and mainly considers herself a victim of her fame.

victimhood: to an extent, yes, she is a victim of her fame. No one should have that much fame and power, and of course she didn't sign up for it in this way. But wanting to have the kind of influence and reach that most artists desire is intertwined with fame. There isn't a way to separate it (in an ideal world, maybe, but that isn't what we're dealing with) and it's something that, to some degree, artists do sign up for. And I think she resents that she's expected to take any sort of responsibility for anything that she doesn't want to do, in a very, "but that's not fair!," teenage petulance kind of way. She even says in Sweet Nothing that "I'm just too soft for all of it." We're all too soft for all of it, but that doesn't mean we get to ignore it. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to feel any sort of responsibility to use this giant platform to do better. Everyone is aware of her influence, including her. I think that's part of the grief. No, it is not her job to use her platform for good, but I thought that it was something she valued and something she wanted. The other line that really stuck out to me was from Cassandra: "They say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?" You may be a victim of what doesn't kill you, but if it becomes who you are, that's not their fault. It reminds me a bit of the exhaustion of living with mental illness. For me in particular, it affects my relationships in a very fundamental way, and there are days that I sob because I am exhausted of things that are so normal being so, so difficult for me... but even though I didn't ask for it and it's not fair that this happened to me, it's still my responsibility to understand how my issues affect how I show up in relationships. It's still my problem, even though it isn't my fault that it's my problem. And if you're lucky, you find really beautiful people who are willing to help you and see that it's not their responsibility, but they want to make it easier for you—I recognize how lucky I am to have some people like that, but it never makes it anyone else's problem. If they decide one day it's not their problem, the truth is that it isn't (and then there's a more complex conversation about what you want to do to preserve a relationship). This is also very connected to something about Kate Beckett/why I identify with that character, and I can touch on that if anyone wants to know, but I don't really have cohesive thoughts about that prepared (it makes more sense if you already know the character). This also goes to other things, like her being upset that people always focus on who songs are about while ignoring the part she played in feeding that culture (like with secret messages).

mental health: this goes to a bigger discussion of how we turn to celebrities who are HIGHLY unqualified to have opinions on things for guidance (the nuance of the above discussion about using your platform), but the more she ventures into the discussion of mental illness, the more upset I get by some remarks she has made in the past. And yes, people grow, she may not feel this way anymore, but nothing in her behavior gives me any reason to believe that she doesn't still have this attitude. This is one that I know I have to be careful of because of how personal it is for me (I've been placed on a 5150 "danger to self" hold and I am a therapist), but one interview that has always made me so upset is that one where she talks about how she's never been to therapy, then ends it by saying "I feel like we just had a therapy session." She has said multiple times how she has never wanted to go to therapy when she has her mom, who already knows everything about her. And that is highly irritating to me because 1. that's why she's your MOM, not your THERAPIST, and 2. there's already so much stigma and apprehension around therapy and many people feel this way, so to have someone like Taylor Swift validate all the people who say "I'd rather talk to someone who already knows me" or "so and so is my therapist" is unbelievably frustrating. There's a reason it's unethical to treat people you know—that isn't therapy. And I think I wouldn't be so bothered by it if she didn't speak about it with such authority, like she knows what she's talking about when what she's saying shows that she doesn't (edit: this is specifically in regard to therapy, not mental illness. I am highly aware that anyone can be mentally ill). The other thing about this album is that it does seem to be an album about loving people with mental illness, and I've already seen a lot of interpretations that simply feed the narrative that people with mental illness are unlovable and mental illness is the reason people mistreat you (particularly the discussion about her lovers being blue all the time). And the issue with that is it's already a common misconception among people with mental illness, that their mental illness is an excuse or reason why they don't treat people right. It's disrespectful to the people who recognize that they have a mental illness that affects how they interact with others and choose to try to overcome it. I'm all for honest discussions about mental illness, but it's so disheartening when it happens on such a large scale and some of the loudest voices are people who don't know enough to know how to (at least try to) do no harm.

fame: I'm not really going to go into it because this has already turned out way longer than I meant for it to, but also because I feel like it's already been touched on. For me, it's the conversation about her feeling she should be able to just do what she wants. I think we all feel that way, but because of her fame and the fact that she's just about untouchable (as shown in how she came back from being cancelled), she can just tune everyone out. But one example was how uneasy I felt about this album being announced at the grammys. For one thing, it's not a fan-voted award, so even if it should, it doesn't feel the same. And regardless of your take on award shows, I do think it showed a level of insensitivity to the other artists who haven't won a bunch of grammys to decide that she would announce a new album at the grammys. Because even if she had a backup plan and said she didn't plan on it, the truth is that, to decide to have a backup plan, you did have to count on it happening, at least to an extent. You had to feel it was likely enough that you wanted to have a back up plan just in case, but it probably would go the way you wanted. To me, it just felt so... disrespectful. Because for many other artists, it doesn't happen more than once. (not to mention the many other things happening that got completely overshadowed, like Annie Lennox calling for a ceasefire)

So if you read all that... I don't even know what the point is at this point. These are just thoughts that, to me, don't feel right to simply ignore. I know there's an argument that you can enjoy music without enjoying where it came from, and it's true to an extent, but I also think part of the music is where it comes from. So... I don't know. Do with that what you will. And if you are reading this, I love you (I can't believe you're reading this).

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

phew, ok gonna just ramble for a minute! for the last couple of days i've been getting so caught up in my milex feelings and the letdown after the anticipation that i almost forgot to be properly excited for this trip 🙈 but now that i'm actually in dublin, after listening to arctic monkeys and miles tunes on the flight and getting hyped about seeing my one of my best irl friends from london again for the first time since june, it's much easier for me to put things in perspective, thank goodness!! i'd have kicked myself later if i spent my time here moping (which i've kind of been doing these past two days) instead of being excited about getting to see my all time favourite band play again (twice!!) AND with miles as well, and just have a fun trip with my friends in dublin (even though it'll be raining cats and dogs, but we'll be in the pub most of the time anyway 🍻)

after the london gig in june i really thought that was it for a couple of years, so to have been given this extra opportunity to see them again so soon is insane and an absolute blessing. i'm SO fucking excited, i can't even tell you 😭 these will be my 8th and 9th arctic monkeys gigs to date, and i'm still just as hyped as i was 10 years ago, and i think that's worth reflecting on for a minute ❤️

i'm putting some more musings about the milex situation under the cut for anyone who might be interested in a different perspective, but mostly it's just for me, to be able to untangle the mess that my mind has been in these past few days. also, please know that i'm definitely not trying to invalidate anyone's concerns or diminish anyone's feelings, because lord knows i've been feeling all the things the past few days and all those feelings are very (very) real!

i guess what i just keep coming back to is the fact that arctic monkeys (or alex, really, lbr) asked miles to be the support for these four dates when they absolutely didn't have to do that, and that if there was any bad blood between them then they totally could've asked anyone else. but they didn't, they asked miles! and miles agreed! it's much more likely that the fact that they're not playing together is due to logistics (with the orchestra and limited rehearsal time) and wanting to highlight miles's new album than any personal reasons tbh. they're professionals doing their jobs first and foremost, and while obviously we'd love a display of sentimentality, if that doesn't fit the show for whatever reason then it makes sense they don't give us that. i'm sure it's all been discussed and agreed on between them, and that they're doing perfectly fine behind the scenes. it's true that miles shows us a lot of himself, but alex and the other boys do not, so it also makes sense to me that what miles shares about them/their interactions with him is limited too, much as i'd love to see him gush about them and post bts footage. i always find that i get easily swept up in emotions and conjecture when i'm watching things unfold from a distance, through the tumblr/fandom lens, but i forget sometimes that that is a heavily coloured lens, and that real life is often very different, despite what social media etc. may seem to show. and for me personally, i've noticed that sometimes it's really good to break out of the bubble for a bit and see things from a different perspective, so i'm glad i was able to do that before my shows!

also, on a side note, i've seen some people being disappointed that alex didn't dedicate bodypaint to miles but just gave him a shoutout, but to me the distinction doesn't matter too much. he mentioned miles when he didn't have to, and miles stayed to watch the boys do their thing after his own set, and he didn't have to do that either if he wasn't feeling it. the fact is that recently there have been more and more signs that our boys are actually growing closer again than they seemingly have been for a few years, and while obviously i just want them to give us everything and announce a tlsp reunion and also profess their undying love for each other while they're at it, maybe their doing what they can right now, and they just need a bit more time to get to where they once were. we all need time to heal, or something like that, anyway. i obviously don't know anything, but this possiblity seems just as if not more likely to me than the other option (which would be that any of this is a sign they're growing further apart, instead), so i'm good with that for the moment.

anyway, this is just me talking to myself on the plane and creating some perspective for myself, but maybe someone else might find it helpful too, who knows. in any case, i'm going to do my best to enjoy it all to the fullest!! and while obviously getting to see them do something together would be brilliant, it would just be the cherry on an otherwise already really fucking delicious cake ❤️

[solitaryandwandering]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

Tagged by @telomeke, thank you!! :)) My answers are not going to be as wonderfully detailed but I will try not to be boring, at least!!

Do you make your bed?

Every morning! It's the second thing I do (after cleaning my glasses, haha). I've found it to be a pretty big part of managing my depression so it's something I have to do, regardless of how tempting it is to leave blankets ready for me to crawl into

What's your favorite number?

I don't have one (numbers are my sworn enemy, after all) but it has been a bit of a thing since I was a kid that 6 is "my number" lol (for reasons I can't get into since that's way too personally identifying). 4 has been a thing, too. Maybe my OCD just likes even numbers? Don't ask.

What is your job?

Frustratingly, I've been unemployed going on four years. I'm in the midst of yet another round of job searching (which has become pretty desperate, to be honest). Discrimination against deafblind people is no joke. I do a lot of volunteer work in the meantime, running a support group and social media for a nonprofit organization.

If you could go back to school, would you?

I would like to go to graduate school for my career. Otherwise, I totally would go to school for media analysis or to take sociology classes again. But without crushing deadlines! I can imagine it now... doing projects and taking tests on my own time... the literal dream

Can you parallel park?

If you feel like risking your life and the lives of every creature and plant in the vicinity and witnessing considerable property damage, yeah I'll do it! Just put a sighted person in the passenger seat so I don't kill myself in the process.

A job you had that would surprise people?

I don't think my jobs would really surprise people? I've had a lot. My first job was as an assistant soccer referee when I was around 14. I was not very good at it but reffed a lot of games. I also was center ref for a couple tournaments (for kids, no older than ten). I looked good in the uniform but that's about it hahaha

Do you think aliens are real?

Absolutely. I'm not sure if I believe they're sentient (at least not in the way we would conceive of it) but the universe is VAST. There's no way we're the only ones. We definitely have not been visited by any, that's for sure.

Can you drive a manual car?

I understand the general theory of it, so again if you want me risk life and limb, I will. The one time I drove I think it was a semi-automatic if not fully automatic transmission.

What's your guilty pleasure?

I have OCD, I feel guilty about everything I like. But I guess right now it would be Kit Kats and Reese's, both of which I have been munching on all week. I am morally against Nestle and know Hershey's is by far inferior to properly-sourced, better-tasting chocolate but... it's not as expensive as the good stuff and... I like when things are pumpkin-shaped :(

Tattoos?

Love them!! Just not on me. I think if I didn't have the skin concerns I do (primarily, keloids run in our family) I may be way more tempted to get one or two smaller ones (and my brother has tats and is totally fine) but as I've said... I have OCD. I think in reality I would be really really freaked out by having something permanent inked into me. So I just live vicariously though everyone else, especially my best friend. They have great taste so their tattoos are very very cool and well done.

Favorite color?

I love oranges and greens, especially tangerine or a deep green.

Favorite type of music?

I have extremely eclectic taste, so it's basically whatever I'm in the mood for. My Spotify Wrapped never reflects the music I really gravitate to when I want to legitimately sit down and listen. Usually it's just on in the background as I do something else but I really enjoy intentionally focusing on a good album. Overall I'm definitely more into rock (very general, I know) than anything else, though that's not necessarily what I listen to most often. I'll listen to indie, punk, hard metal, folk, pop, electronic, hip-hop, R&B, jazz, soul, show tunes, alternative, classical, you name it. Lately I've been listening to a lot of film scores, ballads, and lighter more instrument-heavy stuff. This month's playlist had Dome Jaruwat, Howard Shore, Martin Nievera, Florist, Jewelry, T-ARA, Kim Jung Mi, TRACE & Ariel Loh, and Sade Adu, among others.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes and no. I find that dyscalculia makes certain puzzles more tedious and difficult than they should be, and that combined with ADHD makes things I should ostensibly be good at (Scrabble, for example) more frustrating than not. I don't mind jigsaws or logic puzzles though. I did Deaf Academic Bowl in high school, so I'm super into things like that (trivia, Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, escape room kinds of things).

Any phobias?

Not too many. When it comes to specific phobias, I'm pretty phobic of stink bugs though that's lessened over the years, replaced by a phobia of cockroaches. I'm neutral about bugs in general but as my eyesight has declined I've become less fond of the flying ones. Same thing goes for other small creatures difficult to track. I've noticed some agoraphobia developing in the last year or so as my vision has declined so I am working on managing that along with my social anxiety.

Favorite childhood sport?

Definitely soccer. Did nineteen seasons, despite bullying!

Do you talk to yourself?

Literally all the time. Always having a conversation with myself. Caught myself on the bus earlier today having a bit too animated of an internal conversation hahaha

What movies do you adore?

This is literally the worst thing to ask me. So many movies, so little time. I do love It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! which I watch every Halloween. I say it every year, but it very well may be my favorite film score. And it's technically a TV special so... I also adore The Florida Project, Eighth Grade, Anatomy of a Fall, Bound, Minding the Gap, Rocketman, It Happened One Night, Shoplifters, Blindspotting, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse... I could go on and on and on.

Coffee or tea?

I LOVE coffee but I've been gravitating more and more to tea, probably because of the hell coffee sometimes wreaks on my digestive system.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I was very specific: an Olympic gold-medalist figure skater. Only because I loved watching this event so much. To be honest I don't know what the first real ambition I had was? I did wonder what it may be like to be a journalist, professional soccer player, lawyer, that kind of thing.

I am tooooo tired to tag anyone but if you want to play, here's your chance (and tag me so I can read it!!)

[xandermorrisonmusic]

Song of the day: Porter Robinson - Russian Roulette

Genre: Hyperpop, Happy Hardcore

This one is going to be hard to talk about. TW: Self harm, suicide

This song is the only example I can think of where it is too powerful to be added to my regular listening catalogue. I'm serious, if this thing comes up at any point, I'm tearing up at a minimum. It's the best song off of this excellent album, which as a whole is about Porter's awkwardness and missteps as an adult so far in his life. And I respect that, because there's plenty of stories of how awkward teenage years are, but as a 24 year old living an awkward life, I'm glad to see my era represented so closely to what I experienced myself, for better or worse.

Let's rip the bandaid off right now, I've come very close to killing myself. As in, the only thing stopping me from attempting an overdose was my own lack of energy stopping me from getting out of bed. Obviously this isn't one to one with russian roulette, but since it wasn't certainly going to kill me, it felt like the same kind of gamble: the one I wanted to lose.

The pressures Porter describes that lead him to this point are something on a scale I couldn't imagine. He's a superstar producer, one of the biggest names in electronic music, and one that has a track record of consistently putting out very high quality work. He talks about how he feels this pressure throughout this album, including the opener where he basically voices his fear over releasing something his fans don't like and tarnishing a pretty spotless discography, but in this track, he specifically mentions things like Pitchfork calling him "the next big thing" and wanting to make money off of his identity and prestige, which clearly doesn't sit well with him. But feeling that he has no other way out of that situation once he's been entrenched in it, he contemplates playing russian roulette as a means of escape. He also mentions a friend losing his head and not doing anything about it, which may specifically be a nod to the late Avicii. Porter has cited Avicii's death as a wake up call for him (and many others in the scene) to get sober, and while I don't know if they were close friends or not, Porter feels that they were close enough that he should've done something.

So there he is, two verses and two choruses saying how much he wants to die, plus an extra quiet repeat chorus which forces listeners to get uncomfortably intimate with him in what could be his final moments. But then out of that quietness comes instead a list of reasons why he wants to stay alive, at least for a bit longer. The first one is the most impactful to me: "I wanna see my mom one more time." My mom died after a looong battle with cancer a little over a year ago, and I have to say, you often take for granted what you have until it's gone. If I had known how much I miss her now, she would've been at the top of my list too in my darkest hours.

He lists off several things like that. "I wanna kiss my cat one more time" also hits hard since I have two cats, one of which is newer to the house and is sleeping on me as I type this. "I wanna thank my dad one more time." "I wanna play in the snow one more time." "I wanna marry her one more time." And after listing off enough of these, he comes to the realization that he doesn't really want to go through with this, repeating the simple yet VERY powerful "I wanna live, I don't wanna die" over and over into one of the biggest drops on the album, an all out happy hardcore rave of positive energy at the revelation that he does have things to live for.

Cheesy? Maybe. But in the aftermath of the drop, a goofy text to speech voice comes in to address that, saying "Clichés like this are beautiful, because they reflect us, and we are beautiful" (which is punctuated with a pretty funny YAY sound effect that gets cut off abruptly). And the text to speech voice delivers, very clearly and plainly for those who need it, the moral of the story:

Don't kill yourself, you idiot

And some people need to hear that as unambiguously as possible. If I was 17 or 18, I would be one of those people. This song is literally going to save people's lives, I guarantee it. That's the kind of power I can only wish to reflect on the world if I ever get that big as an artist. Go listen to SMILE! :D and let me know what you think! Such a good album.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

what was your view of coney island when it was released and what is it now?

because with all the new information we have about that relationship I honestly think this song is kind of the mother of midnights. the reference to old relationships in the bridge and knowing that he wrote or contributed in some way today makes me think that that reflection on the song was about them

idk, for me there is a bridge between coney island -> most of the tracks of midnights -> dear reader -> hits different -> ttpd

makes sense to you? I thought about asking about this song when you were talking about cold in some other song that I don't remember which one it was, but it reminded me of “and it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down” 😂

OK so one thing to know about me is that despite the fact that I've been listening to Taylor casually since Debut, was a huge fan of 1989, and consider myself a pretty serious fan since at least Lover (as in that's when I started following her more online and not just for the music), I really didn't know much about the personal lore until after folklore 😂 I loved her music, but I wasn't the type to be like, "omg this song is about this person!! Or this event!!" when I'd listen to it. Obviously, some of them were obvious to me (e.g. LWYMMD, Paper Rings, Bad Blood, etc.) but what I'm saying is that I didn't dissect the muses or inspiration as much as I connected with the lyrics.

And the next thing to know about me is that even though evermore is my favourite album... Coney Island is not a song I think about a lot 😂 I know, that's going to send me to Swiftie jail. I don't dislike it! It's just not one of the ones I gravitate towards generally unless I'm listening to the album in full. So when evermore came out, I honestly just thought it was a complex story about a relationship breakdown that she wrote with the dudes from The National. 😂 Obviously I knew a lot of Taylor's music was personal, but I was also of the belief (and still am tbh) that while she may have taken emotions and situations she's experienced and put them into her songs, the actual details/circumstances aren't always factual. (Hence, folkmore. I clocked that before it was cool haha.)

So back to Coney Island. I would say that when it came out, I didn't think of it at all in terms of her personal relationship. I could certainly believe some personal feelings infused in it, because like I said that's what writers do. But it wasn't a song that, like, gave me pause. (As opposed to, say, False God, which immediately sent red flags up to me when Lover came out.) And tbh, I still don't know, precisely because it was written collaboratively. I think I see it sort of like The Alcott -- you can certainly see where her influence is, and can infer what inspired it, but I'm not sure how much of the story is hers and how much is Aaron/Bryce/Matt?/or Joe's writing. Looking at the credits, I don't know if Taylor wrote it all and the National dudes just got credit because of the music as is often the case when they get credit, or if they all wrote it collaboratively or what.

Reading the lyrics now, like really reading them, it's kind of a lot tbh lol. "And if this is the long haul, how'd we get here so soon?" is a lyric that has always stuck with me, like suddenly coming to an impasse you didn't even know was on the horizon. I'm actually like, processing this song for the first time I think, which is a little scary four years down the line lol. So thanks for that I guess? 🥴 j/k.

I guess it's hard for me to really deconstruct in this context just because I'm not entirely sure where it falls on the inspiration line. But I do think that it may be quite telling and I can see the pipeline to Midnights you mention. And, um, the quiet resentment. "The question pounds my head, 'What's a lifetime of achievement?' if I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me," is ooooooooof. Like. Yeah. Because that's kind of the crux of a lot of Midnights, which culminates in TTPD. The golden age coming to a whimpering end before you know it, the distance, the miscommunication, the misunderstanding, the lack of consideration, but still the kernel of love underneath it all that makes it so hard to let go.

Thanks for this! It definitely gave me something to think about! What was your line of thinking on it?

[scibot9000]

top discovered albums this year. as in, top albums from not-2023 but that I found in 2023. i dont have spotify so i gotta do this manually.

rankings approximate. links and thoughts under the cut

hizmi - Soak (2021)

sometimes it's the technicalities that blow my mind. this is…… unmodified X68000 music????

Yeah listening to this has expanded my mind on what's possible with old FM chips. None of this sounds like the artist found any restriction with any aspect of the system.

"Rivulet" blows my mind every time. It's just an ilkae song. Like cmon.

---

SDEM - ZNS (2020)

After AE_LIVE 2022, I went on a little bender, looking for anything else ae-esque.

I pretty much immediately struck gold. I had been digging through SDEM stuff anyway but man this is another level.

"dysp 0m" in particular is one of the tracks of all time. I keep coming back to it. it's HEAVY on headphones.

---

Ssaladd - Ssaladd (2020)

This is a funny selection to land on a TOP8 because it's so understated. It even kinda feels distant.

But damnit that's why it stuck with me.

The use of wow and flutter is crazy good here!

It feels like carefully applied vibrato, an application of the expression MIDI CC. But completely unlike any other vibrato I've heard.

It feels like a pioneering mix of techniques. And I can't stop thinking about it.

---

Cryptovolans - Passenger (2022)

Is it possible to have a wall of sound in MIDI?

No, not Black MIDI. Something prog.

I keep coming back to "Board Room" in particular because it's so... weird? Slightly beyond just SC, but not by much. Heavyweight album.

---

Kid606 - GQ on the EQ++ (2000)

The textures on this absolutely blew me away.

"My Kitten Went To London" sounds insanely fresh. I can't believe it's pushing 23 years old!

That and "Dandy" really stuck wth me. The latter sounds a bit more era-appropriate somehow (maybe because of oval?), but still vibes really good.

This was actually me revisiting the album. I initially listened to it about a decade ago and didn't like it. Crazy to think I turned away from such gold back then.

---

nagz - Good (2020)

nagz has been a longtime favorite and inspiration of mine. He's been making music from the future for years and years. Blowing my mind since 2006 or so.

One of his earlier releases, hringur, stuck with me for years. It had an atmosphere that I had never heard before or since.

…until now.

It's not actually a sequel, but it's got a flavor that I just. Don't know where else you can find.

If I were to highlight a single track: "I Like You But Not Too Much" hits astoundingly hard. It's what I imagine Earthbound music might be like if it were made today.

---

DJ Technorch & 九十九音夢 – Strong Anthropic Principle (2016)

An absolutely mind melting early (found in January) favorite. Hard, hardcore, and psychedelic. And a bit silly.

"猫の気持ち 〜Cat's Mind〜 (Masayoshi Iimori Remix)" and "解熱鎮痛一撃必殺 〜Critical Arts〜" in particular stuck with me as great experiences.

I really really like the preview video, too. (nsfw warning?) (flashing lights warning?). It truly captures the vibe.

---

AE_LIVE / elseq 6-10 / onesix

I had already listened to some of these, but around march, I found fanmade CUE sheets, and that brought a whole new level of love for this release.

And then I found fan edits with another set of fan titles. Two names for all of my favorite bits? Sure!

"ceramic / clipcon" i love that percussion! the ringmod in "(drunk) / probat emp2" is some of my fav ae work ever. having splits made me fall in love with the density of "sentinel / sinistrail casual"

and then I discovered the onesix sets and fan-cuts, giving a more ambient dive which I'll only mention briefly here. But man, "reflected / seven of twelve" is one I revisit OFTEN.

[is-she-suffering]

2002 - queenadreena.com OFFICIAL MAILING LIST BAND Q&A

This Q&A session with the band went out to all those who subscribed to the official mailing list. The questions answered by the band were asked by various fans.

What or who has been the most powerful influence on your creative life? Crispin: Distortion. Orson:  Rhythm-the point at which an ebb becomes a flow, the point at which my ego gives way to my true self. Katie: Sharks. Pete: Liza Minelli.

Have you ever read a book that you would like to live in? Crispin: No, but perhaps I could write one. Orson: My life is melodramatic enough as it is, i need no assistance with that. my life often feels like any book by Dostoyevsky or 'Narcissus and Goldmund' by Herman Hesse...I told you I was self indulgent. Katie: Blood, bones, tooth and nail, words and paper all burned away. Pete: 'A Christmas Carol'.

Do you think that your songs are out there waiting to be discovered by you or do they only exist when you create them? Crispin: A boringly technical answer, but its probably a bit of both. All the notes and chords etc. obviously exist, although it seems highly unlikely that anyone will arrange them identically like us ever again. Orson: There is an archetypal rhythm that exists outside and inside us all, it is not owned yet requires a vessel to be manifest. music is that point where the exterior and the interior meet. Katie: They hide in the blind spot-sometimes you catch them watching you. Pete: Both and neither

Who do you most admire, and why do you admire them? Crispin: There really is no one person that i particularly admire. i admire a lot of different people at certain moments, and certain aspects of their personality might impress me more consistently. Orson: Herman Hesse, for creating works of art so simple and balanced in form and containing all that can't be put into words within. i.e. 'the glass bead game'. Katie: An unholy fuck Pete: Ditto

Do you believe in a god or gods? Crispin: I suppose I would probably go along with one of those theories about the universe all being one big never ending energy blah blah blah and god flows through everything etc. etc. and so on. Orson: I believe in love, in pleasure and pain in what is and what is not-in any word you might attach to it. Yes. Katie: sometimes I am stretched so thin to bursting I can see them peering back at me through my translucent skin. Pete: No.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Crispin: Don't take life too seriously-its not permanent. Orson: Kill your ego. Katie: Eat your own face. Pete: I haven't had any I liked.

Are you happy? Crispin: No. Orson: I measure the quality of life by how close or far I am from my true self/feelings. Since sorrow and joy spring from the same well this question means nothing to me. Katie: Fighting brings on a warm glow. Pete: Yeah, I'm fine.

Is there a piece of music that can make you cry? Crispin: most of it, until I turn it off. no seriously, lots of songs have at one time brought me to a sort of nostalgic moment. most recently 'Teenager' by the Deftones - although it probably wont make me feel that way ever again. also the second song on that Sigur Ros album-'Agalis Byrjan' or something or other. Orson: Many things can reflect my pain and sadness from the most profound to the most banal of circumstance. All music I listen to can act as that mirror. There are too many pieces to list but I am certainly no stranger to weeping. Katie: The one that got away. Pete: I'm already too upset.

Would queenadreena ever consider making a new, better version of 'Alice in Wonderland'? Crispin and Pete: Better than what? The book? That would be a daunting task. Orson: It's already been made by the Czechoslovakians. Katie: I have cut the faces off all my dolls-we have forgotten who we are.

Do you use drugs to help you create your music? Crispin: No, I use them to get away from it. Orson: I use all I have been scarred with to create-drugs, love, sorrow, joy. I need no specific help. Katie: ---- Pete: No.

[thesinglesjukebox]

MANDY, INDIANA - "PINKING SHEARS"

Ian brings us some British-French post-punk with no Indiana involvement...

[7.40]

Ian Mathers: I don't remember what the song was, but I still remember the feeling the first time I encountered music that didn't immediately make sense to me. This isn't quite the same thing as music I find disappointing or lacklustre at first but grow to love -- a category that contains an awful lot of my favourite music, and is an endlessly renewable resource. But up until that point everything I had run into was something I immediately either liked or disliked (yr boy was a big fan of "Never Gonna Give You Up" when it was originally a hit, if that helps date me), and to hear something that was somehow neither was profoundly disturbing. As I got older and more into music, finding something that truly doesn't make sense at first has become rarer and rarer. More things get adopted into your repertoire, you have more context, and often you realize that stuff that bent your brain in your own history had plenty of antecedents that make them less singular. And that feeling... that little shock of non-recognition when you're used to recognizing so much, that little moment of "why or how did someone come up with this?" that sparks across your brain... it's like hearing about a new country when you thought you knew all of them. It's a reminder that life never settles into a comfortable box. None of the elements that Mandy, Indiana use to make their music are particularly confusing to me (hell, I even took French all through high school). But the first time I played i've seen a way, I had that feeling. These didn't feel like songs. They had elements of songs. Some like "Pinking Shears" even had choruses, relatable sentiments (who isn't tired?). They had sounds and structures I was broadly familiar with. But something about the way each track, and the album as a whole, was put together made me feel like my brain was degaussed. I spent maybe my first four listens in a rapturous quasi-panic, for the first time in years not being able to respond to a piece of music in the ways I was used to responding. I'm sure when that happens to anyone, it's not 100% inherent to the music itself. There may have been other bands who could have done this to me if the phase of the moon or my choice of lunch that day had been just right. But it felt rare and precious when I got that experience from Mandy, Indiana. And then, a second miracle: as I kept listening, "Pinking Shears" and the rest of i've seen a way resolved in my ears into just songs, the way these things always do (since it's hard to repeatedly experience the shock of the new from the same thing). And it turned out those songs were really really great. [10]

Vikram Joseph: This is so strange and addictive - a righteous French diatribe about racist border policies over a rhythmic racket and stomach-churning synths that sound like a cow in distress. From Brooklyn Vegan's English translation: "Those we bombard are told to fuck off / and then we elect bankers / and posh assholes and rentiers / and we are surprised to get fucked." I mean, yeah. Imagine how fatigué we are. Imagine how fatigué we are of it. [8]

Tim de Reuse: What's it take to go industrial in an age of digital purity? Chase the feeling of a grimy, misanthropic without actually getting any dirt under your fingernails. Meticulously ugly, to distract you from how it's actually neat and tidy. Check out the perfect knife's edge of that snare drum; check out the huge, reflective metallic object that passes for a bassline; check out the clean, papery reverb. I'd criticize it for being inauthentic if it wasn't so much more fun than the things it's ripping off. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Nestling its way into a sound between Filth-era Swans and the EBM of the same decade (Severed Heads, Front 242, Nitzer Ebb), "Pinking Shears" aims for a raw, cavernous sound that's more hollow than all-consuming. The playful French vocals provide an amusing contrast to all the whirring, but that's sort of it. Big synth bass, big crunch, big yawn. [5]

Micha Cavaseno: Vaguely answering a question nobody asked, which is "What if Liars were signed to Amphetamine Reptile or Skin Graft?". It's got one point, and it delivers it in perhaps the most cast-off gag and splutter of a way, before hurrying along with its day and avoiding trying to remember what color and texture of its release it was, but never quite getting rid of the taste for the next couple days. Love the clutter of the percussion sounding like a rude joke at a dance's expense, pushed aside by a belch of bullying rock. How rude. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: I always sorta felt that the world needed a Kidz Bop version of Einstürzende Neubauten. [7]

Hannah Jocelyn: I'm sorry, that percussion riff sounds like "Crack a Bottle," the vocals sound like The Google Translate Song, I can't take this seriously. That said, [6]

Oliver Maier: This is my "just say you hate fun". [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Genuinely a bad and unpleasant time in the way that most latter-generation "post punk" can only feint at. Feels much longer than 2.5 minutes, but not tediously so -- each moment of this drags you down into itself, each metallic hi-hat snap and guitar scratch a barb into exposed skin. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Simon Catling's humming bassline shows up halfway through the song over Isaac Jones' drums, with jagged shards of guitar by Scott Fair slunk in at each interval at the end of Valentina Caulfield's chorus, punctuating them with a phlegmy shriek. Caulfield's vocals at first feel like a representation of politesse but gain an edge of menace over the crashing of the percussion. The bass presses the guitar into the margins allowing Caulfield to fill up the middle of the mix, repeating the refrain. [6]

Michael Hong: I like when that beefy fart of a bassline arrives, a really nice rejoinder for the rattling voices in your head. [6]

Brad Shoup: I love when post-punkers stomp, when they strip it down to a megalithic groove. All kinds of stuff on the ground can stick to it. The first half feels like a (bear with me) minimal, metallic go-go take on Cop Shoot Cop's "$10 Bill". To reach the more trad second half, they catapult in some streaks of noise. (This transitional part, and I take far more pleasure in hearing than saying this, sounds like "Come With Me" from the 1998 Godzilla soundtrack.) But that recedes, and Valentine Caulfield reveals the song's final form: protest rap. A [7] for the journey. [7]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: You don't need to be francophone in order to understand Mandy, Indiana's vitriol and rage. But the lyrics are worth dissecting: "Nothing makes me want to continue in the filth of our society/I don't have have any desire to wake up when we let humans die in the Mediterranean." This is a tirade about how we treat refugees, and the existential exhaustion that comes from living in a world where this feels normal. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: For months I assumed based on the name that Mandy, Indiana was an emo band. If I had known they would instead be spoken-word French over a harsh but oddly unchaotic post-punk dervish, I might have listened to the album earlier than Q4. Assumptions foil me again! [9]

Aaron Bergstrom: I did not expect the revolution to be this much fun. Embrace the chaos. Build a new world from the ashes of the old. Dance on the barricades. [9]

Claire Biddles: My face is just gasping_pikachu.jpeg the whole way through this -- yes!!! [9]

Michelle Myers: Mandy, Indiana's music makes me feel like I'm wearing a perfectly worn-in leather jacket and red lipstick that never smears, waiting in line to get into a club that I already know I'm not cool enough to get into. [6]

Kat Stevens: I'm glad there'll always be people making music that sitcom teenagers can slam their bedroom doors and stick on at high volume, to the despair of their parents. "Where did we go wrong, Adam?" "I don't know Helen, our sweet girl... it's like I don't even know her anymore. Were we too indulgent? Too strict?" "Well Adam, in retrospect maybe constantly playing The Downward Spiral to get her off to sleep while she was a baby wasn't the best idea." [7]

Alfred Soto: To play loudly and indiscriminately when holiday twaddle begins to choke you. [7]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: I am so tired, yet I cannot sleep. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[myloveforhergoeson]

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

roxy's music tastes i feel is p clearly defined throughout the fic. i dont remember if you talked about her dad's and if maybe that influenced it? would also love to know ur thoughts on the rest of the cast's music tastes pre-btr

imo i feel like even tho the series is based on a musical group, theres not much music based storylines? so its rly fun to read more of the music side of things with roxy <3

RAHHHHH THANK YOU FOR ASKING... i spend a lot of time thinking about roxy's musical interest but i don't spend much about the rest of the cast aside from a few offhanded mentions here and there. this was a challenge to put together but it was so fun! <3

the main thing i want to mention before i dive into oc music taste is the presence of music surrounding my story! every chapter title, song mentioned, musical influence etc i'm trying to keep within the timeframe + past in which the story takes place. as someone who was not really aware of popular radio in 2009, this is a very fun challenge for me.

Here is the fic playlist if anyone is interested!

It features the song where I got the title of the fic first, then the chapter titles! (and a sneak peak of the next few titles of unreleased chapters <3) These songs aren't meant to reflect anything onto the characters, it's basically just my own music taste fitting the chapters.

Now into the real question... Musical notes! Please find everything under the cut for Rox, her dad, the boys, Jo, and Camille :)

Roxy

what type of music does your oc like? Like you said, her music taste is pretty clearly defined! She's into just a bit of everything, though prefers pop and rock music above all else. Since she worked at a radio station, she was lucky enough to have access to all sorts of music, and when the station went digital, the owner let her keep all of the ancient cassette tapes they used to store everything on! Through combing through these albums from across many generations, she's been able to cultivate what she's into on her own, though her biggest musical influence is definitely her dad! If he wasn't into punk/rock she wouldn't be either. do they listen to music very often? Yes! I don't show this too often in my fic, but I think she listens to music a lot because she prefers it to silence - especially when she's alone in her apartment. What she listens to depends on her mood, and she has a bunch of different mix tapes she's made/she's found to match. So one of those could be on, one of her favorite albums could be on, or she could just pull her iPod out and put that little thing on shuffle to let the machine decide... Endless possibility! musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - James - The Fray - The Pussycat Dolls - Boyquake (in universe boy band) - Taylor Swift - Green Day - Jonas Brothers - Jordin Sparks - Dak Zevon (look out girl!) - Oasis - NSYNC - Kelly Clarkson - Lady Gaga - Nirvana - Big Time Rush :) Special side note: No bearing on anything above here, but if 5 Seconds of Summer were around during the timeframe of this story they would 100000% be her favorite band. They're the perfect blend of everything she loves music-wise, wrapped up in a four hot boy package. I'm incapable of listening to their music without going 'omg this is so her'

2. Declan Somerset

what type of music does your oc like? Declan is a rock/punk/metal kinda guy but specifically the sub-genre of these types of music that culminate into local gigs at shit dive bars and basement shows. As a youngin he stumbled into a basement show with some of his friends (soon to be bandmates) and just loved the atmosphere so much he roped his friends into making their own band so they could be active participants in their community. He's the kinda guy to be like "oh, yeah, i like this band, they're super underground idk if you know them" but like... he's right. No one else in Minnesota is listening to Rainbow Sludge Baby Guts Explosion or Sexy Fishing Rod Brigade or whatever that band he saw last night was called. For him, it's not so much about the actual music, but the community surrounding it, but he would love to hit the stage and shred again if someone let him! do they listen to music very often? When Roxy was home, he would listen to whatever she had on! Her music listening habits didn't change from Minnesota to California, so whatever she put on was just background to him. Now that she's gone, he finds the house is a lot more quiet than it used to be. The only time he really finds himself listening to music is if he's at a show or if he's playing it himself. musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Nothing concrete yet! Perhaps will be expanded on in future chapters <3

3. Carlos

what type of music does your oc like? Very briefly mentioned in chapter 18 but Carlos is a big fan of Latin music, show tunes, and hip hop! I imagine growing up in a household with three generations of Hispanic individuals really helped cultivate his taste in this way. I personally do not know much about Latin music, show tunes, or hip hop music, but I imagined while they were on the plane he had Roxy listen to a lot of Selena because he though she specifically would like her music a lot. Homie was bumping El Chico Del Apartemento 512 so hard trying to get her to vibe with it while she was like half conscious and trying to not get sick lmaoo. As for hip hop, I think that was something he discovered for himself once he entered high school. Artists like Jay-Z, Eminem, 50 Cent amaze him with how they're able to get their point across and he likes to try and learn the words as a challenge (though he is not very good at it) and he also likes to make up his own dances. It's also good hockey hype music, he likes to listen to it before games. And show tunes... I truly know nothing about musicals so I cannot speak to specifics but he likes them because (in my unposted james POV chapter which will come out eventually) he used to try out for school musicals a lot. He likes the flare and the dramatics! do they listen to music very often? Back home, yes, before hockey games, before auditions, around his house, but now that music is literally his entire life he finds he's getting that fix at work and doesn't really need to listen to it on his own anymore. musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Green Day - Taylor Swift (because i said so!!!) - The Pussycat Dolls - Big Time Rush - Jordin Sparks (Honorarily bc they were mentioned in this post) - Selena - Jay-Z - Eminem - 50 Cent

4. Kendall

what type of music does your oc like? </3 His ass is so boring his only taste in music is what's on the radio. Though... his performance of Girl 2 My Heart in the first ep of the show makes me believe he actually liked some of the 90s boy band stuff! There is hope yet. Also, not in the story, but I think after his and Roxy's little scene in the fourth chapter he listened to some Oasis and was like "what the fuck. no." Too jock to rock... Tragic... But his issue before BTR was that he liked music but never found anything he liked enough. do they listen to music very often? Only at work, only when he's learning a song, only when he's trying to snoop on whatever Roxy's writing. BORING! musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Big Time Rush - Boyquake (i'm calling it ok) - The Pussycat Dolls - Jordin Sparks

5. Logan

what type of music does your oc like? Oh my GOD Logan is so into rap music it isn't even funny. Everything about it is just so exciting to him! The technical composition of the beat, the eloquence of the lyrics and how they're strung perfectly together, the performance of it all, the messages... It's like a big equation to him, and he loves it! He and Carlos often bond over this, because rap is a sub-genre of hip hop if I'm not mistaken. Artists like 2Pac, Snoop Dogg, DMX... We see the vision hopefully and I apologize for not being more knowledgeable in the rap/hip hop genre to provide more than common generalizations. He also really likes instrumental music! As we saw in chapter 16, he also enjoys being in a room in which Roxy is playing either the guitar or the piano! do they listen to music very often? Yes... This man is somehow able to study and listen to music at the same time, so he'll hit his playlist and hit the books. AKA he's listening to it a lot when he's alone. And as previously mentioned, he'll also seek out Roxy to play him some instrumental tracks too. It's good for him, no silence when he studies, and good for her, she gets to practice. How considerate of him! musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Big Time Rush - The Pussycat Dolls - Jordin Sparks (Honorarily bc they were mentioned in this post) - 2Pac - Snoop Dogg - DMX

6. James

what type of music does your oc like? Oh, James... In the same vein as Kendall, he likes whatever's on the radio, but simply because that is what's popular and he himself is popular. So pop music, for sure, is his favorite genre and it's easily accessible through the radio or his phone or whatever so he's always keeping up with the latest! In addition, however, I think he really likes R&B and soul-type music as well as a by-product of living with his mother. There's a reason he chose a Smokey Robinson song to sing at his audition and not something on popular radio, right? Part of it is because he has a really smooth voice that flows right along into the R&B/Soul type genre, but also I'd say it's mostly his mom's influence. Her son should know the "classics!" Also like previously mentioned, he's big into show tunes! It's mentioned a bit in chapter 19 hehe. He's very good at convincing Carlos to try out for school musicals with him, so they practiced a bunch together after school hockey practice <3 And of course... He likes whatever Roxy plays... And wishes she'd play for him the same way she does for Logan... do they listen to music very often? I'd say his music listening is moderate... Not as much as Roxy and Logan but far more than Kendall! In Minnesota, his mom would play her music bc she's so controlling lol... So whenever he was on the way to school/friends' houses/dates/whatever he'd pop on the radio to catch up with the latest and the greatest. His show tune listening aligned with whenever musical try outs were coming up :) musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Roxy - Smokey Robinson and the Miracles - The Pussycat Dolls - Jordin Sparks - Dak Zevon (get out of there king!) - Big Time Rush

7. Jo

what type of music does your oc like? Two words: Boy bands. It's as simple as that! I'd also say this blends into mentions of popular music, but if she has a choice she's putting Backstreet on no QUESTION. That and movie soundtracks, I'd say, but only for the cheesy supernatural romances she likes. I know she's bumping the Twilight soundtrack near daily (as she damn well should be). Also, I know she's from North Carolina but she doesn't really feel like a country girl to me... idk Being friends with Roxy and dating Kendall is like her perfect musical dream. do they listen to music very often? Yes! Like Roxy, Jo doesn't really like silence. I imagine she listens to music most when she's running lines and trying to flesh out the characters she's trying out for. Once again: listening to the Twilight soundtrack while running lines for New Town High... God I love her. Beyond that, I think she's too busy being with her friends to care particularly about what's on, so she's happy to listen to the radio or pop one of her favorite CD's in! musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Big Time Rush!!! - The Beach Boys - Jonas Brothers - Dak Zevon (before chapter 1.11.5 lol) - Kelly Clarkson

8. Camille

what type of music does your oc like? I'm not going to lie to yall i've literally thought about this for hours and I just have no idea. in the show i know she was in their camp rock spoof, so maybe show tunes? but thinking about her sitting down and listening to like... Hello, Dolly! just doesn't feel like her. my best response is that she absorbs her music taste through her friends like osmosis. Jo and Roxy like boy bands? Great, now Camille does too! Logan is rocking out to Beastie Boys? Camille is excited to be a part of it. I also know that very briefly she mentions knowing how to figure skate, so maybe even like classical music? but that feels far too mellow for her... She likes Big Time Rush and that's enough for me to say she at the least enjoys pop music. What do we think gang?? do they listen to music very often? Right now I'm going to say only when she's rehearsing for a musical part! musical things this character has mentioned/is observed liking: - Big Time Rush - ???

Thanks for reading :) These are so enjoyable for me to write and I'll do my best to add these elements into my story!! <333

[thisaintascenereviews]

Khamari - A Brief Nirvana Frank Ocean is one of the popular and interesting artists of the last decade, especially since 2012's Channel Orange dropped. Since then, however, he's been very reclusive and has only released one more album (that you can stream, anyway). I've often wondered who the next Frank Ocean would be, or if there could be one, for that matter. Ocean has such a beautiful voice and a sound that's catchy, subtle, low-key, and atmospheric. I'd argue that Ocean helped to pioneer modern alternative R&B / indie R&B, because his sound was very different from a lot of artists at the time, but his legacy and influence is still felt today. I don't listen to a lot of R&B anymore, because it's just not something I actively seek out, but I do like it occasionally. I'll find an artist every once in awhile that reminds me of Frank Ocean, or that alternative R&B sound that I really enjoyed a decade ago, and an artist I've found recently is Khamari, alongside his debut record, A Brief Nirvana. I found this album while looking on Apple Music's new release, and something about the cover and title caught my attention, so I went ahead and listened to it. I didn't originally feel like talking about this, but I decided to go ahead and write about it, albeit briefly, because I want to either write about things I have enough to say about (if I can only say something is "okay," or that it's merely good, I don't want to write about it, because there's no point), or if I feel like people should hear it in some capacity. I feel as though there's a bit to discuss with this record, but I don't have a lot to say. I do, however, want people to hear this because it's very good. Khamari reminds me a lot of Frank Ocean, and it's mainly in terms of his voice just sounding a lot like his, but not intentionally. It's also his sound, which is a cool mix of acoustic, pop, and R&B. He has this indie R&B sound that works quite well for his voice, and while this thing isn't extremely catchy, it's got a nice vibe to it, I suppose, and it's only a half hour long. The vocals and the lyrics are where this album truly shines for me. The lyrics are incredible, as they are very poetically written and the emotion behind the lyrics is wonderful as well. Khamari has a great voice, Ocean comparisons aside. The song "These Four Walls" is a very melancholic song about what seems to be a breakup, and how the only solace that he finds is in his bedroom. It's an interesting idea, but the whole album is a very somber affair, and the music itself reflects that. It's very much sad, downtrodden, and atmospheric, so it's not very energetic, catchy, or upbeat, and I think there's a place for that, but if you're looking for catchy hooks, you won't find them here. You'll find some great lyrics, vocal acrobatics, and a mellow and somber sound that is good for a certain mood, but it's not for everyone. I think Khamari has the potential, and A Brief Nirvana is a really cool introduction to his music, so if you're wanting to some indie R&B, it's worth hearing.

[eldritchsurveys]

1151.

random survey 2023 v.iv by ausmuh

How would you describe the last song you listened to? What ~vibes~ does it give off? >> I couldn't really say, but I think one could make their own judgement from the album art

When was the last time you were sick? How incapacitated were you by the illness/ailment? >> I had a random cold for a few days in the summer but on the occasions that I do get colds they don't really affect me that much, they're more obnoxious and inconvenient than actually incapacitating

Do you often reflect on your past in terms of "eras" or “milestone” time frames (eg, looking back and saying, “it’s been 10 years since X”, etc.)? >> I think that's the only way I can really measure time for myself; I find a few linchpin events that are easy for me to remember (going to NOLA for the first time in late 2009, for example, or leaving NYC in early 2016) and then kind of triangulate the general time frame of less-easy-to-recall events by their proximity to those linchpins I also measure time by who was piloting the body at the time -- did a thing happen in the Björn Era or the Grey Era, or was I here by then, that sort of thing

Is there something you would like to do or be, but have pretty much accepted it won’t happen because it’s just “not the kind of person you are” or is otherwise incompatible with your personality, character, etc.? >> this is kinda how I feel about deep interpersonal relationships, ngl

When was the last time you experienced cognitive dissonance? >> I... am not really sure that I experience that? my opinions are naturally malleable and context-dependent and I don't have a problem with paradox. I'm not sure how one would go about triggering a true dissonance in my thoughts

If you use Letterboxd, what causes you to “heart”/“like” a film? >> it's very much vibes-based. if I have a very strong attraction to a film in some way, then I usually Like it.

Do you like people watching and is it something you do often? If so, where are your favorite locations to do so? >> I don't do it often (I'm not usually around that many passersby these days) but it can be interesting sometimes. I think it was just way more interesting to do in NYC and that naturally set a bar, lol

Whether you want to have children or not, what do you think has had the greatest influence on your views of children/childrearing (eg, your parents, your own upbringing, your interactions with children as an adult, etc.)? >> obviously my own upbringing (in showing me what I definitely would not want to do) but most of my "this is what I would do" ideas come from a variety of places and I can't nail a majority there

Is there anything that you enjoy that you simultaneously find intensely cringey? Is it so cringey that you wouldn’t normally admit to actually enjoying it? >> fuck no lmao I don't do that "ooo it's a guilty pleasure" "ooo I know it's actually cringe" "ooo it's so bad but I love it" shit. I own my tastes and I respect them

When was the last time you felt someone was being dishonest with you — not necessarily downright lying to your face, but acting or responding to you in a way that seemed false or did not feel like their true self? .

Similarly, when was the last time you saw a side of someone that made you question your preexisting perception of them? .

If you were a doll, what outfit(s) and accessories would you come with? >> definitely a laptop and a pair of headphones. and a bunny plushie. the outfit would probably be black jeans, black battle vest (maybe with lil velcro patches and pins you could put on or take off? depending on the size of the doll ofc) or hoodie, and some sort of band t-shirt. this is based on what I most often wear outdoors when I don't need to put a lot of thought into it

What was the last bit of praise you received? >> Sparrow said I was "multiverse-brained" (galaxy-brained but bigger) in Discord earlier lol

When you hear or see your name written out (as in /your/ name, not someone else who shares your name), do you immediately recognize it as your own, or is there a moment of disconnect before that recognition? >> I do immediately recognise it as my own, yeah. but sometimes I also feel a lil jolt, like I'm being Recognised in a more real sense, because that's also my name in a different universe but the average person that knows my legal name doesn't know that extra detail (unless they've also read the book, which, in my experience, the average person hasn't)

[alexturntable]

Ok so from that interview do we gain any more insight into what Mirrorball means? Is he saying it's like fragments (the way a it's made up of lots of tiny mirrors). So self reflection or the mirrorball is a song? It's too early and I'm short circuiting!

I’ve been thinking about this since I re-read that interview. Here is the full quote for context:

"I always wanted to use the word ‘Colorama’ in a song ever since I saw Antonioni’s Blow Up. It was an unplugged neon light at the back of my mind for years. Some lyrics are declarations of love or hate written in blood or carved in a bus stop, in need of little or no melodic illumination. Some, I believe, are there almost entirely to facilitate it. If I ever thought about it at all I’m sure I used to think the melody was the vessel that carried the lyrics but more recently it has occurred to me that the opposite is often true.

The problem with the neon sign analogy is that neon signs are invariably bolted to the wall and full of gas. Melody seems as though its poured rather than sprayed and doesn’t feel as though whatever holds it ought to be fixed to anything.

I sometimes imagine each word to be made using a three dimensional open-top glass alphabet. Each letter built to harness and transport the mirror ball liquid marble of the melody. When the ‘substance’ fills up the syllables they seem to shimmer and become weightless. With the addition of close harmony I see colours swirl together, parts of the lyrics glow and the way in which they float suggests that something like the ‘star gate’ sequence from 2001: A Space Odyssey is happening deep inside them out of view.”

So in this neon light analogy the letters are like containers made of glass which are meant to transport the melody. The melody is a "mirror ball liquid marble". Mirror balls reflect lights directed at them in all directions and liquid marble would create this effect of colours swirling together which when put together would look something like the star gate sequence he mentions. So I guess what we can understand from this is that in this analogy the mirror ball is part of the substance that represents the melody which fills the lyrics.

In There'd better be a Mirrorball, he may mean that he hopes that there will be "melodic illumination" or music accompanying this separation he's describing. After listening to Body Paint I feel like Mirrorball could also be a self-refelction song, probably the whole album. So maybe the "relationship" he seems to be ending is actually his relationship with the current persona he's been putting on that he's moving on from to start the process of writing a new album. That's why he starts with "don't get emotional that ain't like you". Maybe it was easier in the past to get rid of a persona but as he gets older it's more difficult to do so. "Yesterday's still leaking through the roof / that's nothing new" some parts of the previous persona are still present but it's always been this way. "I know I promised this is what I wouldn't do / somehow giving it the old romantic fool / seems to better suit the mood" he never wanted to write gooey songs or direct, staright-forward lyrics but now maybe he is.

"So if you wanna walk me to the car / you oughta know I'll have a heavy heart / so can we please be absolutely sure / that there's a mirrorball?" If the old persona wants to walk him to The Car, meaning the new album, he will be sad about parting with the old one so he wants to be really sure that this it's worth it, that there is a really good melody / song to use for this new era. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that this could be the same mirror ball metaphor he had in mind when he made that analogy in 2016 and this is how I would interpret it but it could also be a complete coincidence that he had used that word before. Either way it's fascinating to read the words he uses, his brain will never seize to amaze me.

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Note: Sorry I'm a little late posting an update. After so much sadness, why don't we take a break? We need some cute happy moments...my babies are too sad. :( Here's a flashback that is well needed right now. I hope you enjoy it <3

Chapter Six

The sun had long since set, the night unusually calm and still after a morning spent travelling and walking through the Wyoming Museum that Joel had surprised the girls with for Ellie’s birthday.

It had been fun and Ada had enjoyed every second of it. That was until they’d been separated and Ellie had seen the dead Firefly and his messages of hate and anger towards the group after they’d been forced to disband.

Ada had always wondered what would become of them after Marlene’s death, she supposed now she had her answer.

They’d set up their tents for the night with a roaring campfire burning away in between them as the horses grazed contently not too far away. The older woman sat a small distance from the campsite by the water’s edge of the deep pool flooded into the forest beds. Brown eyes stare into the lazy river flowing through the fallen rocks and dead trees, filtering through the cracks into a string of waterfalls that beautifully reflected in the soft moonlight above.

She watches the water move, her mind completely quiet and undisturbed. It’s strange even now to still have quiet moments like this. She’s so used to running for her life, constantly vigilant for the sounds of nearby infected or potential threats that sometimes find their way through. But now she can relax, she can breathe and it’s glorious. There’s just that tiny nag in the corner of her mind. It tugs gently until she can no longer ignore it. She glances back to the tents, towards the young girl that is currently occupying her mind. Ellie sits quietly by the entrance of her tent, headphones in her ears, comic book on her lap as she idly flips through the pages. While Joel tends to the fire, poking and prodding here and there to keep it burning long enough for their supper to be cooked. She’d made sure to pack enough for the whole journey but Ellie had  chosen to catch a few fish for tonight’s meal, what with it being her birthday and all. And as the teen was quick to remind both her and Joel…repeatedly...

My birthday, my rules.

It was the first time she’d seen it in Ellie’s eyes but it had definitely been there and it terrified her. That doubt. For so long Ellie had taken Joel and Ada’s words as fact, she had never brought up the Fireflies or what had happened in the hospital after they’d left so quickly. After all, what reason would they have to lie?

Ada felt her chest tighten at the thought. What would she say if the girl started asking questions? What would Joel say? For the first time in over a year, she was starting to feel guilty for hiding the truth of what really happened. Maybe Ellie deserved to know, maybe they never should have lied in the first place.

But as she glanced back across at her daughter, the fear went away. She was a mother and it was her duty to protect her child. No matter how old she was. And while she may not have been Ellie’s biological mom, she was every bit a mother to the girl whether they were related by blood or not. She'd raised Ellie from being a few days old after her mother had passed. And she had done the best she could with what she had.

She’s was so lost in her own barrelling train of thoughts, that she doesn’t hear Joel approaching until he sat beside her.

“Hey you doing alright over here?” He asks.

“Yeah I’m fine.” She lies and Joel instantly knows that something is wrong, the concern evident on his face as he leans closer towards her.

“No you’re not. You're worrying.” He says gently. “It's Ellie ain’t it? You saw it too.”

She doesn’t even have to question what he’s talking about. They both saw the look on Ellie’s face when they forced their way into the abandoned building and found the girl stood alone in the dark, her light illuminating the Firefly sign and the dark letters painted below.

‘Liars’

In a way it felt as if the very message was speaking directly to them. For what else could they call themselves for the stories they had spun, for the protection of a girl that they both wanted to save? That they both loved.

Ada said nothing as she moved to rest her head on Joel’s shoulder, the man sighing deeply, lifting his arm to wrap around her waist, his own head then rested upon hers. They held each other close as they’d done so many times before, staring out at the glistering water before them. The soft lapping of the water danced by the edge with the breeze of the night’s air, carrying with it the melody of chirping crickets in the long grass under foot.

“What are we gonna do?” The brunette whispers into the silence settled between them.

“With how things are going; I say we do nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“She ain’t asked about it, reckon there’s no reason to go pulling at strings until it’s time.” Joel reasoned. And he was right, Ellie was happy. She was making friends back in Jackson, learning new skills and discovering new talents. It wasn’t until Tommy had gifted her with a journal for her birthday that she actually discovered she was a pretty damn good artist. She had a bed to sleep in every night, a family to come home to, just like she’d always wanted. It was the closest thing Joel and Ada could remember from before; that somewhat resembled a normal life.

They had structure, a reason to get up in the morning. And it felt good. Eventually they moved from the water. Walking hand in hand towards the fire and sitting together, while Ellie continued quietly in her own little bubble, reading her comic book.

They glanced at one another and in that instant that their eyes met, it was decided they would keep their secret for a little longer. Ellie was happy and that was what mattered to them. Nothing more needed to be discussed.

Joel moved to tend to the burning fire, checking over the fish as it cooked above the flames. Though Ada had to quickly take over when the man sent her a lost look at the state of the food. The older man was talented at a lot of things throughout his twenty years of survival but it was obvious that cooking was not one of them. A trait that Ada found rather endearing about him. To meet this confident, strong and stoic man; only to then find out that he struggled to cook a simple can of soup without somehow managing to burn it to the bottom of the pan.

Although it was considered rather old-fashioned, Ada still enjoyed looking after Joel. After everything he had done for her and Ellie, something as simple as cooking him a decent meal made her feel like she was giving something back. She’d tried teaching him in the early days they’d arrived in Jackson but it seemed it was a skill Joel just couldn’t pick up, no matter how often she attempted it. It was a small thing but it made her feel better knowing that; even if she couldn’t control anything regarding Joel’s safety when he left on patrols, at least he wasn’t going out with an empty stomach.

With the food done Ada quickly served the meal, splitting the fresh fish between herself, Joel and Ellie. Who, as a typical teenager, said nothing as she took the plate from her mother and disappeared back into her tent, comic book under her arm and headphones still blasting in her ears. The older woman merely smiled, taking her seat back at Joel’s side as the two ate in a comfortable silence.

When they’d finished Joel had offered to wash up, a credit to his Texas manners as he moved towards the stream to fetch water. He heated it through after grabbing a rag from his backpack and once again found his place at Ada’s side.

She watched him as he worked, a smile tugging at her lips. It had been almost two years since she’d met this man and she still wasn’t quite sure what she’d done to deserve him.

If she was honest she had never loved anyone the way she loved Joel. It was almost laughable how irritating they once found each other when they'd first met. Constantly arguing over plans, ideas and routes to take to get to their destination. She’d wanted so badly to get rid of this gloomy grump, confident in her own abilities that she could find her way with Ellie on her own. And yet now she couldn’t even fathom the idea of living without him.

“Hey.” She called gently, grabbing Joel’s attention as he glanced her way. “ I wanted to thank you, for all this. Everything you’ve done for Ellie. I think this is without a doubt the best birthday she’s ever had. Back in Boston I could never really do a lot for her. Couldn’t even get her a decent present with those damn ration cards.”

“You don’t gonna thank me Ada, reckon this was good for all of us.” He said, wringing out the rag as he finished the washing up, then hanging it dry. Ada shuffled on her behind, grabbing her legs to cross them underneath her and leaned back on her arms to gaze up at him.

“Yes I do, you didn’t have to do this. And that tape you found her...I mean she loves it Joel.” He smiled at her words, his eyes moving to find Ellie still sat alone with her Walkman.

“You do realise she’ll be listening to that on repeat for months right?” She laughed with him. His face lit up with joy, it was the same feeling he’d felt when he gave her the gift in the first place. The pure wonder and glee when she played it. He looked back to Ada and his heart leaped in his chest when he saw the love in her eyes.

“Well...you know, speaking of presents, I do actually have something else.” He teased with a mischievous grin widening across his face. He kneeled down beside the woman, rummaging through his bag then pulled out a small vinyl cover. Ada’s mouth agape in surprise as she took the album from Joel, a small gasp leaving her, her smile hid behind the hand that rested on her chin.

“Joel...I...how did you…” She uttered, completely at a loss for words. It was a Fleetwood Mac album, one of her favourites in fact. The man beside her lowered himself back down, his hazel eyes level with hers.

“You said they were your favourite growing up, cause of your mom and I found a music store before we left Jackson so I figured...you know…” He explained and Ada was touched by how considerate he was. How sweet. She’d told him the story of her mother listening to the band throughout her childhood and teen years, when they’d first started to soften to one another while travelling through Pittsburgh. But that had been months ago and yet he had remembered every detail. A fact that Ada was quick to point out to him, but he just smiled and shrugged.

“I guess I do listen more than you think.” He simply said. And damn if Ada didn’t fall in love with this man all over again.

“I love it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome darlin’.”

She still hadn’t said the actual words to him yet. Which, when she thought about it seemed so ridiculous. She put the album to the side, unfold her legs and tackled the man in a hug. A reaction Joel clearly hadn’t been expecting as the force of it left them both in a tangled mess on the forest floor. Ada landing on top of him, as he let out a muffled grunt as he met the ground with his back. His arms wrapping around her middle and holding her in place, while hers found themselves round his neck, her fingers brushing through his hair.

“I love you.” She said breathlessly, her eyes never leaving his. She saw his throat quiver as he swallowed hard, his face softened as his calloused fingers caressed against her face. A gentle touch but one that still made her feel warm and giddy. He brushed her hair from her eyes, sweeping the brown locks behind her ear and smiled lovingly.

“I love you too.” He replied. The words said for the first time between them. He moved forward to kiss her, eyes sliding close, noses touching as they leaned closer.

“Oh come on guys!! Seriously?! Fucking gross!” Ellie bellowed, instantly killing the mood as Joel groaned letting his head fall back against the floor, his arms releasing Ada as she quickly scuffled from him and back to her feet. Hand reaching out to help Joel up.

Both adults stepped away from the other, attempting to put the distance between them as Ellie stared them down with a raised eyebrow.

“And on my fucking birthday, what are you trying to scar me for life or something?” She joked. But Ada and Joel were far too embarrassed to see the funny side. The girl continued with a deep chuckle, her tongue sticking out as she gagged and pulled faces at the whole thing.

“Oh man that image is gonna be stuck in my brain forever!” She groaned. “Get out! Get out” She whined tapping her head with her small fist as she squeezed her eyes closed. Turning on her heel and retreating back towards her tent.

Joel awkwardly cleared his throat when the girl had gone, looking anywhere and everywhere except towards Ada. The woman doing the same, her stomach fluttering and cheeks hot from endless blushing.

“Well that was uhhh...unexpected.” The man mumbled. Ada just laughed as she felt the tension melt away between them as Ellie shouted at the two to go to bed and jokingly threatened to ground them if they didn’t behave. Joel just shook his head at the girl and smiled at his love as they called it a night and headed towards their tent. Ellie watched them go and readied herself for first watch, taking the risk to glance through the tent door and seeing Joel and Ada had already fallen asleep. She'd never tell them but it was actually kinda cute when they cuddled up to each other. She was glad they were happy. It was nice.

Yeah  Ellie thought to herself as she settled in for the night.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

[thisaintascenereviews]

The Maine - Self-Titled

Last month marked the 15th anniversary of Arizona alt-rock band The Maine's debut album, 2008's Can't Stop Won't Stop. As an emo / scene 15-year-old kid when that record came out, it hit me in all the right ways, especially for being a prominent album in the "neon pop-punk" scene. That record showcased a lot of promise from the band, incorporating folk and indie-rock sensibilities into their otherwise emo and pop-punk sound, but as I got older, I began liking them less and less. This trend isn't uncommon, as a lot of bands I used to listen to in high school have either broken up, faded into obscurity, or changed their sound (for better or worse, but in most cases, "worse"), and in some cases, transcending the "emo" label that they started off with.

As for The Maine, and where they fall in that wide spectrum, they're a band that I stopped listening to after 2015's American Candy, sort of because of how they changed their sound. I was becoming less and less enamored with them as time went on, anyway, and American Candy was the last straw. As much as I loved their debut, I felt as though they were only getting worse and worse, and that record was a huge step down in quality and creativity. Now that was eight years ago, and since then, they've released another three albums, but I haven't paid attention to any of them. After a few years of being away, they're back with a self-titled album, and self-titled albums are often a means of reinvention, but I don't have any context for what they sounded like before this record. The self-titled album came out on 8/1/23, which holds significance to them for being the number of the parking garage the band always met up in when they started, as well as the name of their record label and their festival.

Maybe it's that I didn't have any context going into this self-titled album, or that I haven't listened to them in almost a decade, but this album pleasantly surprised me in a few different ways. From the band's overall sound to being rooted in 80s-soaked arena-rock / pop-rock, or to vocalist John O'Callaghan improving tenfold on this record, I absolutely love this record. Sometimes an album just hits you in the right way, regardless of what it is, and it could be for a variety of reasons, but most often, the timing just feels right. Right off the bat, this album is a perfect "summer album." There are very catchy, fun, and groovy songs that are great for this time of year. including a couple of songs that will make my favorite songs list of the year, such as "Leave In Live" and "Thoughts I Have While Lying In Bed." The way the band combines 80s-influenced arena-rock / pop-rock riffs with new wave, synth-pop, and electronic textures from time to time really makes this album stand out. Make no mistake, this album isn't unique by any means, but that doesn't mean it hits any less harder. The hooks are impeccable on this thing, especially on a handful of cuts that I really can't get out of my head.

I mentioned a bit ago that vocalist John O'Callaghan has improved greatly on here, and maybe he's improved more on their last few albums, but he was always a vocalist that I liked, but never loved, just for how limited his range was. I gotta say, however, that this sound suits his voice well, and he even has more of a range and more emotion than ever before. The lyrics, too, are quite good, despite being about relationships, and things of that nature, but they're written well this time around, so I can look past the lyrics being rather generic and not the focal point of the album. Their lyrics have always been either decent or really bad, and their debut album is good indication of that, but the lyrics on this record feel more mature, reflective, and more introspective than I've heard on previous albums, albeit in a somewhat vague in a relatable kind of way, but there are a lot of clever, interesting, and enjoyable lyrics throughout this record.

There's something to be said about listening to a band that you either used to love more than a decade ago, and that you've either forgotten about, or fallen out of favor with, and really enjoying their new project. I had no idea what to expect with the self-titled, and it's a wonderful little record. Of course, it helps that this album is only 36 minutes, so it's a breeze to get through, and that's a perfect length for a record like this. I'll even go as far to say that this is one of my favorite albums of the year, because of how slick, catchy, fun, and groovy this thing is. It just hits me in all the right spots, and I would never have guessed that the new album from The Maine, a band I haven't thought of in a decade, give or take, would be one of my favorites of this year. That just goes to show you that bands can surprise you, even when you least expect it, but that's the beauty of music.

[liibrii]

In honour of today being National Culture Day in my country and exactly a year since I've seen my favourite band perform live, I've decided to take a minute and talk about Dream Theater. And by talk I mean mostly nerd out about my favourite songs and why I love them so much.

in case you haven’t heard of Dream Theater before, they’re an american progressive metal band, who’s been around since 1985. idk what else to say except even if you don’t like metal/rock give a listen to Beneath the surface.

tw: some pretty heavy topics such as death, murder, mental illness, alcoholism,... 

so to start, I love the versatility of their songs and yet they still have that distinct Dream Theater sound. my favourite part of their music are the lyrics. a lot of them are inspired by their own personal experience, which often makes them just the more heart breaking. and for others, I don't know what creator juice these guys are on but I'd like some. they’re the kind of lyrics you want to read while listening to the music just to really get the meaning, and you spend days thinking about them. or maybe that’s just me. :D 

also Petrucci's guitar skills are outta this world, which sadly often overshadows others who are also incredible musicians. I have a soft spot the singer LaBrie cause 1. his voice and singing are magnificent, and 2. he damaged his voice pretty badly but perservered even when critics weren’t very nice to his singing and I respect that.

I'll start with my favourite album (and the one I heard live) - Metropolis Pt. 2: scenes from a Memory. it's a concept album, which if you don't know is an album that has a single central narrative (can be lyrics, musical theme,...). in this case it tells a story of Nicholas, a man who keeps having dreams about a girl named Victoria, and how through hypnotic therapy he discovered he was her in the previous life. Victoria was murdered and her death never solved, so we follow him as he discovers the truth behind her death. I won't spoil it, in case you're curious but don't wanna read the lyrics you can find a synopsis here. I'll just say the story of this album is better than majority of movies.

If you put a gun to my head and made me choose my favourite song on this album it would be the very last one: Finally Free. it's charged with so much emotion, the way LaBrie sings the lyrics; you can tell which part belongs to which character, it's just soooo good! The way each repeats the lines This feeling / Inside me / I finally found my love (life) / I've finally broke free - and I'd go on but I'd get into spoiler territory. so. let's move on with the closing melody (it's not much of a melody, more like static) that becomes the opening of the first song on their next album Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence.

Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence is another concept album. this album. man, how do I even begin to explain it? I can't, you gotta listen to it. have you ever imagined an entire album telling stories of people living with things like alcoholism, post-partum depression, autism, schizophrenia? it may sound intimidating and I won't lie, some songs touch you so deeply it's hard to listen to them (looking at you Goodnight kiss).

and now that my fave albums are outta the way let's talk about my favourite songs in no particular order! (just a note, pretty much everything I’ll say about the lyrics is my personal interpretation)

Beneath the Surface (album: A dramatic turn of Events) - the one that makes me cry like a baby. the one I tefuse to shut up about. the story of two people who are in love, neither aware the other feels the same,  both too scared to make a move till it’s to late and their feelings fade. just, listen to it, please. it’s also the least ‘metal’ of their songs, if that’s not the kind of music you’re fond of.

Spirit carries on (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory): I can’t say much about it without spoiling the story of the album, so let’s say it was experience of a lifetime singing this song on the concert, off key and out of tune, with your bestfriends beside you, all of you crying. 10/10 experience.

Through her eyes (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory) - same as Spirit carries on :D

Finally free (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory) - the emotion!! I want to sing this song at the top of my lungs while it makes tears pour down my face. it’s such a good final song to this absolutely brilliant album.

Pull me Under (album: Images and Words) - when that LaBrie voice hits... if you’ve ever heard this song you know what I mean, and if you are yet too, you’ll know which part I mean. you’ll hear it, trust me. (it’s at 2:54)

Vacant (album: Train of thought): ah look, another song that makes me cry. LaBrie wrote this after his daughter fell into coma for 3 hours when she was 7, and let me tell you, you can feel the fear. easily one of their most heart breaking songs. but she’s okay now, don’t worry. :)

Stream of Consciousness (album: Train of Thought) - an instrumental song with guys just flexing their skills. 

Wither (album: Black Clouds & Silver Linings) - the story behind this song is Petrucci had trouble coming up with new lyrics so this mad-lad pulled a UNO reverse card and wrote a song on having trouble creating. and as a writer who often hits writer’s block I relate to that. 

Count of Tuscany (album: Black Clouds & Silver Linings) - the story of this song could easily be a movie. you meet a young count on your travels and he takes you to his home where his slightly eccentric brother lives, and before you know you’re terrified for your life. I have yet to hear a song that captures the fear of dying as well as this one. 20 minutes of pure bliss and singing at the top of your lungs. 

Out of Reach (album: Distance over Time) - you know that feeling of falling for someone who’s out of reach? yeah, that. 

Fall into the light (album: Distance over Time) - the line Too much love is not enough for us makes me question what is really important in life and I love it when songs make me think. it’s such a simple line and yet so powerful. (spare some of the creator juice?)

Ministry of Lost Souls (album: Systematic Chaos) - you thought we were done with songs that make me cry? ha, think again! this is the song that sold me on Dream Theater. the lyrics have 2 different interpretations, both of which are heart breaking and thus I won’t talk about them. :) 

Prophets of War (album: Systematic Chaos) - I’m not saying it’s about the possible ulterior motives of the Iraq war buuuut... oh no, wait that’s exactly what the song is about. 

Endless sacrifice (album: Train of Thought) - just a song about how relationships take work and compromising, especially when one is a musician and often on tours. Petrucci wrote this song for his wife. get you a man who recognises how much you’ve sacrificed to make the relationship work. 

Build me up, break me down (album: A dramatic turn of events) - I have no other reason for liking this song other than it is an absolute banger.

Panic Attack (album: Octavarium) - this song includes my favourite singing from LaBrie. goosebumps every time. and also the suffocating feeling of pure panic, the paralysis you feel are so well reflected in the music it’s unreal. 

Octavarium (album: Octavarium) - this song has my fave line: It's wonderful to know that I could be / Something more than what I dreamed. and it also takes the award of “Lyrics whose meaning I’ve been trying to figure out for years and still have no clue“. and the orchestral parts of this song... I hope to get a chance to hear it live one day.

I was debating putting some of my favourite lyrics here but I think this post is already long enough. :)

in conclusion, I love Dream Theater and I hope they keep making music!! ♡