#but i do want to acknowledge the things i received in my inbox recently

[targentis]

friends, romans, countrymen, if you have repeatedly:

crossed someone's boundaries

disrespected their significant other

generally acted inappropriately toward them, thus ultimately leading to the ending of your friendship with that person

no, the correct approach to this is Not just showing up like nothing happened and going "i miss being friends, i want to be friends again." cool! i'm sure you do. did you give any consideration as to why the person you're not friends with doesn't reciprocate that feeling? great pro-tip to all who needs it: think outside of your own experience for once, and you might get better results with your relationships. just my two cents.

[katyspersonal]

Ok, smol rant about the recent fandom drama for your inbox lol. You have done the same in mine, so now we’ll be even fjfhfd.

I remember seeing a post about kids and parents where the OP wished that they could explain to the domineering parents that they weren’t “making excuses” for their actions, but giving reasons for them. It’s a huge point of contention between parents and children. One I brutally relate to. As the children, we often want our motives to be understood, even if we did something that violated a moral boundary.

It makes the judgement feel less dehumanizing, because then the parent knows that we are just human too. We feel acknowledged as flawed people without being seen as purely bad.

This is what writers do for their morally corrupt characters too, right? The war criminals everyone fights over. I have seen some instances where the author did outright excuse the war criminal’s actions, but it’s far more common, especially in recent years, for writers to provide reasons for their villain’s actions.

Sometimes it’s a grand philosophy the villain has, sometimes it’s delusion, other times it’s simple lust for power, and other times it’s a sympathetic background. Sometimes it’s a mix of all of them. It can get messy, but recently the big debate in fandom is usually over evil characters having sympathetic motives or being victims of a cycle of abuse/violence.

*glares at Marika*

This is getting more and more heated in fandoms and now even the Soulsborne fandom, which is depressing. I mostly ignore it because I’m tired of it. Pretty much all of my favorite characters these days are tragic villains because I just love that archetype. I’m drawn to it and have been for as long as I can remember. But that means I see this argument surrounding all of these characters 24/7.

I am more sensitive to moralism, I’ll admit. I haaaate Puritan rhetoric in fandom, so I usually feel more frustration towards the “irredeemable pure evil character is so bad, WHY are you excusing abuse?” shit. But seeing this Hornsent stuff recently, I’m also getting massively uncomfortable with the literal excusing of genocide in the story. Even if it’s fictional, that just….BRUH. Both sides make me a bit queasy.

And all along, I can only think: This fighting is so pointless because both sides are latching onto a very simple perception. They think the story Miyazaki wrote is meant to EXCUSE the actions of the cruel people in the story, but in truth, it’s giving REASONS for all sides. To make things more realistic and god forbid, EMOTIONAL!

Marika’s story destroyed me, and now learning more details about the Hornsent, I feel bad for many of their people too!! The whole thing is a big tragedy, totally pointless. Something tells me that was the point because [gasp], Miyazaki tells that story over and over.

I remember seeing a random gamer comment on YouTube about Marika’s village, and all it said was, “Well. Now we know why she did it.”

THAT’S IT. THAT’S WHAT MIYAZAKI WANTS US TO FEEL. Not “Omg she was totally in the right!!”

Miyazaki’s “cycle of violence” trope is NOT apologist preaching. It’s not about excusing the war criminals. It’s about showing how people fuck each other up for generations out of received and inflicted injustice and pain.

And some come out on top in the end, unleashing twice as much violence as the other group because of how much power they attain. (Marika).

I also wish fandom would be careful about comparing too much of this story to real life as well, because that’s where the weaponization of certain events in history comes into play, and it just leads to moralists beating love-blinded simps over the head with “You’re defending she-Hitler!”

That’s just a cheap-shot because this IS all still fiction at the end of the day, and nobody should be deep-throated with Catholic guilt for getting a bit defensive of an immoral character 💀

Anyway, I’m going off, but I will say this, it reminds me of the whole Shabriri thing. Of course the Frenzied Flame curse and ending is sympathetic in one way. Destroying a world that is SO ruined by suffering is an understandable craving if you reach the bottom of despair. This is almost the exact of motive of [GUNSHOTS] [SOUNDS OF BEING STRANGLED] and so, I love it even more of course. LET IT ALL BURN.

But Shabriri being a liar does get the point across!!

The FF doesn’t fix anything in the end. That’s why I fought for the “Shabriri is not right” take and marveled at how much of the fandom was swayed by his lie, but I also understood why too! It’s a beautiful, perfect lie.

But no matter how tender, how exquisite…you know.

So….I guess now the same thing repeats. People fall for Marika’s side and see her cruelties as justice, while others go too far and paint her as a wholly dark force of evil that is being “excused” by the story. But in truth, THE FRENZIED FLAME IS BOTH SOMETHING TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND FOUGHT AGAINST.

JUST LIKE MARIKA’S WRATH.

Melina was right all along.

Ok rant over. Thanks for all the based and nuanced takes recently.

PS: Lowkey, to this day I wonder, why did that mf George Lucas somehow deliver the story of Vader’s fall in such a simple way that painting the very IDEA of giving into the “dark side” as a tragic decision all around. Giving into the FF is a tragic decision, Marika seeking revenge and going way too fucking far is a tragic decision. WHY DID LUCAS SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND THIS AND YET FANDOM IS STILL CONFUSED WHEN WE TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT CHOOSING TO PERPETUATE THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IS PART OF THE TRAGEDY. MIYAZAKI IS PRACTICALLY SCREAMING IT AKSJDHDDJ—

Heyyyy Crow, I am so sorry for being a couple of weeks late to respond this ask ;-; I am scatterbrain about asks, you know :pensive:. ....and I also see that you did decide to waste it into my nothing-blog, instead of posting your beautiful, based thoughts in YOUR blog where more people can see them? You chicken dffdhs

Being the reclusive misanthropist (as far as fandoms go), I've been avoiding most of these problems! And my first exposure, through an EX mutual, happened to be the "woooow FromSLOP excused genocide by giving Marika a sad backstory, what were they thinking?!" side. The exposure only kept growing until I ripped the bandage, yet it did make me so angry that the first chapter in my large SOTE defence essay ( x ) was JUUUUST about it. 🙄

Marika was not "just" evil even in the base game either, giving off the impression of someone wanting to build a perfect world of light, life, safety and abundance even at the expense of oppressing "potential threat" species. She waged war on the Fire Giants who had 'evil god of fire', caused natural disasters and whose fire existed as anathema to the Erdtree and declared her victory the start of the "better age"! That already spoke of a lot of complexity, without forcing the audience to agree with her motivations and actions but instead understand what weight they held in the grand scheme of things!

What DLC did add was simply a lore on Marika's origins as a Goddess, and what made her vulnerable enough for the Two Fingers to seek her! Divinity is further stated to not be a great thing via Miquella's whole arc, but the wish to change the world to the better hits harder when you personally were a victim of its fundamental corruption! She did not instantly become a good person over DLC lore, nor she was just evil person and nothing else in the base game! War against Fire Giants (maybe Dragons?) was the means to topple the current powers and establish her reign, oppressing certain species was the mean to preserve it. She searched not solely to take revenge on the Hornsent, but to build a different world where what they did would not happen, ironically ending up causing more injustice ANYWAYS! Miquella fell into this trap. Heck, GIDEON fell into this trap!

On a more general note, detached from the specifics of this game: I do still find it more strange to be angry about villains being given sympathetic traits, as a concept. People who are just "born evil" are such a minority that they hardly can say anything about nature of men. In any case, 'explanation is not an excuse' works not only as a tool to still judge someone's sins, but ALSO to explain that writers making a character more elaborate is not a demand to like this character or excuse their actions! Everything has reason… This is why no one is entitled to declare they know what is good and bad for everyone. Not just people like Marika or Gwyn, but even us.

Granted, all the "they want us to like a she-Hitler now?!" sentiments arrived from the same people who also believe that Miquella's character was "assassinated" and use that absurd 'they'll never make me hate you miquella sweety' tag or whatwasit that has no reason to exist!! Character assassination. You know, that writing trick writers do to make you despise a character who has been established to be likeable before. I just can't forgive this "logic", of assuming that giving explanation for character's tyranny = wanting audience to see them as morally right, and assuming that making a character fall from grace = wanting audience to hate the character.

No, no, NO! Completely WRONG! What writers, GOOD writers, want audience with BOTH of these things is EXACTLY what you said: to understand the reasons of what happens and why! Miyazaki is a good writer, that wants audience to find their own answers, and always wanted! It is not being a love-blinded fan but a common knowledge in the fandom that Miyazaki admitted so himself. Zullie (Youtuber) highlighted this, writer of Paleblood Hunt highlighted this... Miyazaki's talent and genius did not magically evaporate just over the awful sin of not dropping any hints for Miquella x Radahn in the base game, and you, as a Fromsoft veteran, probably know it better than I do.

And, yeah, speaking of love-blinded, you know that only recently I've encountered the other side of the situation. Amongst all that vitriol over "writers wanting us to think this and that but we won't!", some people were angry at how fans were effected by Shaman Village's lore, and I saw why. Nobody should feel unsafe in the fandom just because they happen to refuse to hate The Bad Character TM when loud people decided that fandom should, and I did TELL Blender so!

That whereas we, small lore blogs, do not see the "danger" of highlighting character's sins or assuming them as accountable as possible, the "danger" of negative perception of the character exists, in the form of people who sees resulting hatred as moral act!Before SOTE dropped, I've noticed the problem with Mohg! While despairing over why his fans preferred a more charitable interpretation of him instead of "more interesting" sexual offender one, I kind of ENTPed the answer to my own question seeing them bullied for liking said Totally Canonically Sexual Offender. 🙄

I understand why certain people would get so defensive about how to interpret Marika that they'd jump at an objective well-researched post without even reading it (!!!) as some kind of a threat for their happy fandom experience. I insist that if you do enjoy your own vision more, nothing can threaten it, not even canon ffs, but that's not entirely true because we engage not in a vacuum but in a fandom.

Gehrman fans, for one, are more interested in protecting themselves from being blocked on the spot, vagueblogged about and shunned as "misogyny apologists" than in ensuring no one's vision can differ from their. I am a better person and fan than I was 2-3 years ago, but I remember the urge to tear every hater apart even if they did NOT insult or bully anyone. Because they could, and I remembered situations when they would. I also remember the first time I responded on Gehrman slander with cold head and politely. It was such a good memory. Marika did not create a presumably inaccurate life-size replica of her dead student. She started genocide. Thus, yes, I assume that vitriol from haters is even more severe. You mentioned people drawing parallels with real events and excusing them, and everyone here knows it does happen. I understand why.

....however, what did we JUST conclude about "understanding the reasons for someone's behaviour"? That it simply humanises them, not automatically excuses them!

You know I'll be proud of myself over this one for a week at least XD I might have created a sort of gravitational field in my blog, that did attract some people who really dislike Marika and dislike fans that "woobify" her (do kids still use this word?). It might be just something autistic, because in my vision, just because I call character fascist or otherwise point out something awful about them doesn't mean I hate the character or call for hate! Same applies to @val-of-the-north, of course! It is very difficult to communicate that I am not here to be a part of antagonism, and when I get 'reactionary' anons I'll focus on their comfort over comfort of hypothetical people that only might see my posts. This alone gets me involved by effect. I will be at least part of the problem whether I want it or not, so is everyone who posts any observations and opinions in the fandom at all. Unfortunately, the ONLY way to be 100% good fan is to not participate in the fandom beyond being a content machine.

It is very easy to get caught in a cycle of reactionary paranoia and "returning" aggression. But bad fandom experiences should not make anyone resort to attacking-on-sight even if this person wasn't hateful but just shared their observations. Just as much as how experience with bad writing excusing vile things should not make anyone resort to trashing on explanations (and "heretical" fans that acknowledge them for a good measure). Both sides have the understandable reasons for being cringe. Both sides ALSO deserve to be grabbed by the collars and get their heads hit against each other, like in a sort of an outdated anime gag. 🙄

Anyway, man, thank you for this rant. You've put everything so well, and in a very short form. I still think you are better at 'Fromsoft philosophy' than I, and you WILL accept my compliment!!! Honestly, the dreaded practice of "caring about discourse" is not all reductive and evil or whatever. Heck, you kinda prove that it can be as much an expression of passion as creativity!

[marcelwrites]

Okay, Tumblr mutuals, I want to present my scenario to you, and I'd genuinely like your input in the comments, or as an anonymous inbox if you aren't comfortable sharing shit publicly. I was in a casual situationship / friends with benefits type thing for a while, and we'd see one another regularly, with the strict knowledge that it was only physical. We clicked in that regard and there were no complaints whatsoever. We remained friends for the months we saw one another. However, recently, she confessed her love to me and asked me to stay over. I politely declined, acknowledged her feelings towards me, and then ended the 'with benefits' side of the friendship as it's cruel to continue being physical with someone knowing that they love you while you aren't able to reciprocate and share in those feelings with them. I thought things were cool. Cut to Saturday night when she came to my cocktail lounge with a different bloke. I served them as that was the professional thing to do but my disdain must've been apparent as I received a text message the following day asking, "What have I done to you?" I replied with, "I'm not gonna lie to ya' and you know I hate drama but bringing your new bloke to the bar was a pretty shitty thing to do. I'm all for you finding your happiness and finding someone. As a friend I'm genuinely all for that. However, I thought you would've had enough respect for me to at least not bring them to my lounge where I have to serve them". After I sent that I received about eight rapid fire messages that I haven't looked at yet but can only assume they're impulsive, angry screeds, as the I saw the notification for the last one and it wasn't the beginnings of a positive message, "You better get used to it because I'm going to be doing this more and more". Lmao. I consulted several mutual friends of ours and they said I did nothing wrong and that she's just being vindictive / trying to make me jealous. I'm not the jealous type so that isn't going to happen but I am curious as to what my mutuals here think and if I was the asshole in the situation. Feel free to let me know your thoughts as I'd love some alternate perspectives.

[americanrecord]

hey kelsey! i just wanted to say that i still think about the love letters series all the time lol. it’s crazy how much nostalgia can hit me over a fic, but i think that’s just a testament to how well written it was and how much of your heart you poured into it. and obviously, when i started reading it was for axl (unfortunately), but val and jill quickly won me over lol.

i just remember some of the asks you would get would frustrate me so bad because it felt like i was watching some people just reduce the girls to side characters or miss the point entirely. like, you would write something so nuanced and layered and then people would be in your inbox talking about the boys (like no shade ig cause like, yeah, they’re hot and fun, i get it but cmon). but yeah, i can’t imagine how frustrating that was on your end. i feel like that was such a big part of why people couldn’t fully appreciate it for what it was.

anyway, i think it’s really cool that you’re still writing and doing it on your own terms now. law school on top of everything else sounds like hell on earth, so i hope you’re giving yourself credit for even being upright through all of that. and if you do come back (to duffmckagans or wherever), i think a lot of us would be happy just to see you around again — whether you’re posting the fic or literally anything at all. but either way, i’m glad you’re still doing what you love, even if it looks a little different now. you deserve that.

hi! this is so sweet ♡ honestly speaking, the series has been a thought that's been sitting in the back of my mind every day for the last almost five years, but it was a few really kind recent messages and acknowledgments of support (as well as a push to return to writing it from my bad-influence-friends (said lovingly)) that pushed me back toward it on top of my personal motives as detailed in my last ask. it was knowing that i wasn't the only one who cared about it and that there were people out there who missed it or who really wanted to read what did exist of it that had me going: man 😭

which, like, if law school is true and that does come to fruition, who knows how much free time i'll have to even do all of this again. my gut says none. however, it really does make me happy to hear that it can drag up so many happy memories for people, especially when it was always a bit of shit-storm behind the scenes. i think most people started reading for either axl or izzy (or just the gnr boys)—which, btw, i'll never knock anybody for; it's why i started writing—but i do know so deep in my heart that what excited so many people by the end were either the girls/the relationships/the original aspect of it, which i truly am so grateful for. like, seriously. the amount of love the series as a whole got, bad apples aside (ha), is overwhelming and still motivating.

towards the end, long before more band controversy popped up and before i decided to branch off with original things, it really was the asks that started to grate on me. even writing so far in advance, having 30 chapters pre-loaded at any given moment, wasn't enough to deter receiving so many missed-nuance/intentionally cruel "confrontations" over super fake things. like why on earth was i called a cunt over actions of a fictional character! and for what? because people were mad valerie was the main character and always had been? always would be? never-guaranteed-anything-otherwise? it was just so, so frustrating and really leeched the love out of it for me. like, literally every week it went from my excitement (yay! new chapter) to dread (damn it, new chapter) because after seeing people's reactions from the "present" timeline of the fic, it made me fear for what was already written in the "future" of it. it was sign number one that some part of me at least wanted to redirect things to bend to people's will and i did not want the project to turn into anything i didn't want it to be. all else was just a perfect storm to deleting it. i have bounced back, however, and i have learned how to say "fuck you, it's my story," so i do think i could face the interweb with a little more confidence and not get so defensive bc, at the end of the daaaay, this is fanfiction. puuuuuure fanfiction. rpf, arguably the fakest kind. then it just leaves my other difficulties with posting, which i'm trying to iron out.

part of me does think people learned really quickly that i wasn't messing around when that fic got deleted, but like. eh, it was gonna happen anyway. i'm sure non-reader followers to duffmckagans took their first fresh breath of air in like three years.

but, yes! writing originally is still going well. i've written a draft and have it sitting next to my bed awaiting edits, but i've been a little too busy to get my head back into that headspace, whereas i find it's always easy to return to this one and to rewrite old things than it is to generate entirely new ideas. i had to start at the beginning because there were a lot of choices i made along the way i wouldn't make today, to a point where it would've been fruitless to return any other way. (plus, like, the amount of things i forgot?).

and thank you for your support!! i am still moving for right now .... probably firing on all cylinders for way too long now, but i have hope that it will settle soon and that i can find a minute to catch my breath before something else comes knocking. i do think i will be returning to duffmckagans quite soon, so if anybody who jumped ship wants to follow me again over there, regardless of whether or not anything comes of the writing, feel free. i've missed connecting with people very much 🩷

[away-ward]

Hello! I wanted to take a moment to address some up coming changes.

I can see that I've been getting a lot of new followers lately, and as always, this comes with an influx of new asks and messages. I want to be clear: I am not, nor have I ever, been bothered by receiving an ask or message. I love getting things in my inbox. Sometimes the content of the message bothers me, or I disagree with what's been sent, and that takes some time to navigate. But the act of communicating and starting a discussion has never been the issue for me.

However, this blog as has been functioning more or less as a Devil's Night fandom blog since 2022, and I've been receiving messages in my inbox since about October of that year. Just recently, we passed 300 messages (which, WhooHoo! yay us for having a (mostly) drama free time!)

Because I get new followers frequently, those who have just finished the series or who just found the blog, I tend to get some pretty similar messages. Since I've had this conversation before, I usually don't have anything new to say, and I don't want the blog to become the same post over and over again. At the same time, I have a hard time not responding to people who have sent in a message with genuine interest.

I have done a lot of hard work to make sure the tags are for organization, and not just for visibility or talking to my followers. For instance, if you want to find all my thoughts and views on Emory Scott, you can search for "#emory scott" on my blog, and it will bring up every post that is about Emory Scott. Because I don't tag for visibility, I will only add a character tag when the post applies directly to them. There's more about my Tagging System on the master list posts. This is true for all characters. I also frequently use "Character discussion" and "Series Discussion" or "Ko's dns tag" for posts that are more general about the series.

If You Are New: please, please, please, go through the character tags before you send me a message. I have been responding to messages for almost 2 years, 300+ replies. Someone has most likely already expressed your thoughts that I have responded to. I know it's a lot of backlog and you just want your thoughts responded to, but at least try to make sure I haven't already said the thing you're looking for.

Plus, the character tags are fun!

Again, I'm not mad! It can just be a little exhausting if all you're looking for is my thoughts, that I've already posted them somewhere else. Maybe you're not looking for my response, and you just want a place to post your thoughts anonymously. If that's the case, please clearly indicate that, but know that I won't post it. I'll read it! But I have no interest in being an anonymous message board (though maybe someone else can start that blog cause it sounds like that would be very popular...).

The only exception to this is Alex. Because I acknowledge that I get a lot of, what I would consider, Alex hate messages I don't like tagging it as Alex Palmer, because then it will go into the Alex Palmer tag, and readers who do enjoy her character will be forced to either block me (which is fine) or endure the several posts that hate on a character they like. I hate the idea of doing that to someone, and so I tend not to tag her.

Brings me to our first change:

Going forward, I will be tagging all the posts that have Alex as a topic of discussion as "no alex tag". It's just kind of funny to me to have a tag that literally is "no tag". It's, like, a joke.

When I come to a past post that is Alex centric, I'll be changing that as well, but it'll take a while to get through. However, I know I have some major Alex posts, and those I will tag immediately. My thoughts on Alex rarely change, though I go through phases of intensely disliking her to being mostly indifferent. I wish I had reasons to like her.

Second Change:

I usually try to respond to asks quickly, and in a timely manner because I hate making people wait. Waiting for someone to read and respond can give me anxiety, and I probably project that on to other people. That's my issue. However, I don't always have the time and I don't always like having huge sections of the blog that's just messages. If they're short enough it's not a problem, but I rarely receive messages on the shorter side. I know it can also be overwhelming to others.

So, I'm going to start queuing or scheduling my message replies, limiting to one or two a day, depending on how long they are or the content. This, hopefully, will avoid creating huge blocks of text on my blog and your dashboards.

Last time I made a change like this was when I started numbering asks and answerers, and that worked out great. People started using the numbers which made referring back easier! I hope you appreciate that I'm trying to keep the blog a bit cleaner and easier to navigate, avoid being repetitive, which is tough especially for new people coming in and not wanting to read a huge backlog of posts, and creating a more fun blog for everyone.

Thank you to everyone for understanding and working with me on this! The messages in my inbox will becoming out soon. Will open the anon messages if anyone has anything to say, though please be aware it might take me a while to reply - Thank you!

-KO

[cagedchoices]

Been seeing a lot of anon negativity lately and I just wanted to pass along, in addition to the usual "do not listen to whatever they're saying, this is your blog and you can run it however you want as long as that means you are not hurting anyone" and "block them if they persist, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life" as someone who analyzes problem behavior in psychology for fun, my personal advice is to never respond to anon hate if you can help it.

I've only gotten actual anon hate once in the 11 years I've been on tumblr and it was several years ago at this point. The most recent thing I dealt with wasn't actual anon *hate* but rather, I expressed a dislike for people constantly making "jesse stop playing with robots we need to cook" jokes in my askbox, which resulted in several people sending me more of those knowing it would get some kind of reaction from me. The only reason I got that to stop pretty quickly was because I stopped answering those kinds of messages and I stopped letting people know what other kinds of things could be weaponized against me. I've observed pretty carefully over the years that the blogs that get the most anon hate tend to be ones who readily respond to it.

No matter how funny or full of sass your response may be or how well you might think you're eviscerating these people in all their glaring insecurities, most of the time the only thing they are trying to accomplish is to get A Reaction out of you. It doesn't matter what kind of reaction, it just has to be some sort of acknowledgement that they can latch onto. So answering their asks, posting a screenshot of their message, or even making a "to the anon in my inbox/my friend's inbox/etc" post is enough for them to know their message was received and that's enough reward for them to continue doing it. Thus, my thought is to never even let them know you got a message in the first place. For all they know, tumblr glitched out and ate the ask or you blocked them and they sent that 500-word rant into the void and wasted their time and energy on nothing. People hate wasting effort on things they aren't getting anything out of.

[tallmantall]

Grief can make special days harder Writer: Rachel Ehmke Clinical Expert: Jamie Howard, PhD What You'll Learn - How might kids feel on important days after someone has died? - What can parents do to help children process their grief? - How can families make special days easier for kids? - Quick Read - Full Article - Acknowledge emotions - Make a plan - Memorialize - Ask for help The year after a loved one has died is especially hard. The first Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day or special event like a graduation can make kids feel sad. You may think the best idea is to skip the celebration. But skipping it can sometimes make kids feel even worse. Thinking and planning ahead can make these hard days easier and even bring some joy to them. It’s important to let your kids know that it’s OK for them to feel sad. Trying to pretend that everything is fine just makes kids feel like it’s not OK to have feelings. On the other hand, it’s probably best if you don’t let your kids see you at your most upset moments, since they might feel scared. It’s very normal for kids to go in and out of sadness. They may be sad one minute and want to play the next. That’s very healthy, especially for little kids who might not get exactly what’s going on. It can really help to plan out the day. Let kids know what’s going to happen and who will be there. That gives kids a sense of control and security. It also helps to include favorite family traditions. Those shouldn’t disappear because a loved one has died. In fact, they can make the day feel special. Finding a way to talk or share memories about the person who died or do something that they loved can also help kids deal with grief. And parents need help on hard days, too. It’s good to get family and caregivers to take some of the burden off you or just give you a break. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgitfolfife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub When you’ve lost someone you love, the year that follows is inevitably a year of firsts without that person. Celebrations like the first Thanksgiving, birthday or Mother’s Day without someone who played a major role in your and your family’s life will be especially hard. This is also true for personal milestones, like graduations and first days of school, many of them involving children. What’s the best way to face these days when, rather than feeling festive, you’re feeling the loss most keenly? Depending on the occasion and your grief, you may even be wondering if you should skip the day altogether. Trying to ignore important occasions can also be painful, so that probably isn’t the best strategy. For families coping with bereavement, it isn’t uncommon to experience moments of joy along with some sorrow on significant days. Thinking ahead of time about how to make the day easier for your family can help. Acknowledge emotions First, acknowledge that this will likely be a difficult day for your family. Recognizing this is important. Sometimes families — both parents and children — feel they need to put on a brave face when they are feeling sad. But it is OK to feel sad and show grief. “As a rule of thumb, avoidance is a bad idea because it makes us feel worse in the medium and long term,” notes Jamie Howard, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma. “Our emotions don’t really respond well to being closeted. They find a way out.” Hiding your own grief can also make your children feel like the sadness they may be feeling is bad. However, try not to let children see you at your most upset moments, as they may begin to worry about you or feel insecure. Let the children know that however they are feeling is fine, and they don’t need to hide it. If they want to say, “I really miss him,” that’s OK. On the other hand, kids also shouldn’t feel that they are expected to be miserable all day. It is common and healthy for kids to go in and out of grief, and take comfort in playing. Younger children in particular, who might not realize the significance of the day, will probably want to play and have fun, and that’s fine, too. Make a plan Dr. Howard says it’s a good idea to make a plan for how the day will look, and to share that plan with the kids. Making it somewhat predictable, so they know what to expect, who will be there, and what it will be like can make everyone feel like they have a little more control. If you are churchgoers, you might plan to go to church first thing and then go home and have breakfast. Or maybe you’ll wake up, make pancakes together and then take a walk. If people are coming over for lunch, let the children know who will be coming over. Then maybe next on the schedule they’ll have some free time to play or hang out before dinner. Do what you can to include favorite traditions when you are planning your day, too. It may feel bittersweet, but people find comfort in traditions, and they can help the day feel special. Memorialize Remembering is part of grieving and part of healing, so think about doing something to memorialize your loved one. It will be sad, but Dr. Howard says it can help in the grieving process. In the case of a deceased parent, for example, maybe that means taking the occasion to talk to the kids about how special their mother was, tell favorite stories, and let the kids know that some of the things that she taught them will be with them forever, even though she isn’t here now. If she really liked flowers, maybe you could plant some flowers in honor of her. If she liked to collect things, maybe you could put her collection in a place you’ll pass by it frequently, and think of her. Ask for help One very important consideration when making a plan for the day is for parents and caregivers to consider what they can get through emotionally, and what might be helpful to them. Parents should certainly ask for other family members and close friends to be on hand to support them  if that would be useful. Maybe a relative could help make dinner, play a game with the kids, or even just be present  to backstop or take over if a break is needed. Frequently Asked Questions How might kids feel on holidays after the loss of a loved one? What can families do to support kids on holidays after the death of a loved one? It can really help to plan out holidays after the death of a loved one. Let kids know what’s going to happen and who will be there to give them a sense of control and security. Keep up favorite family traditions — those shouldn’t disappear because a loved one has died. Should you skip holiday celebrations the first year after a loved one has died? Read the full article

[thegrapeandthefig]

Hello there! I sincerely hope that you are having a wonderful day! I've recently found your blog after getting into Hellenic Polytheism and I'd like to thank you for the work that you do, as your posts have been very informative and helpful. Other than that, I was hoping to ask some questions as a "baby hellenic" worshipper of Dionysus — if you're still accepting asks about him at this time, that is. If not, that's totally alright! In the case that you are accepting asks, then please forgive me for what I think will be a lengthy passage.

I'm a minor who was raised in a primarily Muslim household, and my interest in Dionysus came into being at around the year 2020, when we were learning about Minoan Crete through online classes. At the time, I had only known him as "joyous Bacchus" or the drunk party god, so I was amazed to see that according to some myths, he had married Princess Ariadne of Crete, who is famously known for being abandoned on the island of Naxos by her lover, Prince Theseus of Athens. One could say that Dionysus immediately received my respect after hearing of this, but was quickly forgotten as my mental health declined alongside my academic prowess. Fast forward to the year 2021, I had rediscovered the myth (one could say that they're my mythology otp) and in the process, found out about Dionysus' dual nature, which I could not comprehend until much later, when I was recovering from a state of nihilism and suicidal ideation — only to discover Nietzsche's Dionysian philosophy and the inputs of Sir Walter F. Otto. As a sheltered child who had just gone through her first mental breakdown, it was exactly what I needed and I like to think that Dionysus Eleuthereus liberated me from my constraints, so I am doing much better nowadays — which is why I had very recently decided to become a closeted worshipper through offering prayers and devotional acts.

I do, however, acknowledge that he is a very complex god who could be potentially dangerous, and as much as I revere him and wish to get to know him more, I don't think I'm mentally prepared or even have the time to try and practice divination. Could I still worship him despite this "roadblock?" I genuinely want him to be a part of my life as he is the one to whom I mainly offer the credit when my healing is concerned. If I can, then would you happen to have any tips for fostering a relationship with him in this manner? Do the Theoi send signs in this case? How do they communicate and how could one respond? And finally, should I ever decide to partake in divination, where's a good place to start? Thank you so much if you decide to answer my queries and may the gods bless you abundantly! 💜

Hi! Thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you found the content of this blog useful. And apologies for making you wait several days for an answer, I’m still a in a time crush so forgive any hastiness in tone, I just don’t want to keep this in my inbox for too long.

I’ll answer your questions in thematic groups, for clarity:

Could I still worship him despite this "roadblock?" If I can, then would you happen to have any tips for fostering a relationship with him in this manner?

Yes. You don’t have to (nor would I recommend it anyway) jump in head first and devote your entire life to him right off the bat. It is absolutely good to just start small, with worship that relates to your needs. If you feel that the epithet Eleuthereus is one that you already feel pulled towards, then nothing stops you from continuing on focusing on this one and just grow from the place where you have already started. Continue giving offerings, continue building kharis with him, and let things evolve at their own pace, without forcing speedy progress. Speed won’t serve you in this endeavour. Eleuthereus is also particularly linked to the world of theater and the stage, so can also be something to explore for you.

Do the Theoi send signs in this case? How do they communicate and how could one respond? Should I ever decide to partake in divination, where's a good place to start?

They might, but as with anything, I cannot predict what will happen for you. Going in without any type of divination does complicate things, but you can always either rely on gut feeling or seek out friends who could divine for you. In term of responding, it very much depends on the matter at hand. But often, responding will be doing: giving something in particular, researching something etc.

As for starting with divination, my main advice would be to choose a system and stick to it for a time. I don’t think it’s a good idea to start learning too many different methods at once. It’s a craft that takes time and practice (for interpretation, I mean). When exploring, I do like to advise “simpler” forms like bibliomancy, shufflemancy and online tools like the Homeromanteion or @verdantlyviolet’s Sapphomanteia system which can be done online too. Other people like shufflemancy, which is music-based, for example. These seem like “low-effort” methods, but they are, in my opinion, good ways to get used to interpretation before stepping into more complex methods like tarot, geomancy, etc.

I hope this helps. Truly, my advice comes down to just taking it slow and building your worship at your own pace and with the focuses that are relevant to your situation.

[smoochkooks]

—chapter one: the beginning of an end

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, future smut

word count: 1.4k words

summary: loving jeon jungkook is, above all, the beginning of an end.

previous || next

You’re positive your favourite sound in the whole world is the rhythmic, repetitive sound of your fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Everyone has a different approach when it comes to coping with stress and anxiety. Some people drink away their unwanted emotions, some drown themselves in work, some watch yet another, mediocre Netflix show. But your solution, your little panacea has always been writing.

You’re not the best when it comes to expressing your true feelings. You can struggle with saying ‘I love you’ to your mother and then write a long, affectionate letter for her birthday that makes her eyes turn glossy. You may stutter and tumble on your own words while trying to order coffee and then complete academic essays with ease.  

Whenever you feel like you’re overwhelmed, boiled up with mixed emotions, you do exactly what your school counselor told you many years ago: you let it out. She never mentioned any specifics, simply encouraging you to find your own way. And that’s exactly what you did – you picked it up yourself. First, it was writing a diary. No less than two weeks into it, you got bored. Turns out describing in detail every single mundane day of your life was never your forté. You threw away your old notebook, bought a new one and decided to write there whenever you felt like you really wanted to, not out of obligation.  

And you continue to do so, these days you opt for a use of modern technology often. You open your laptop and pour your feelings onto a digital sheet of paper. It’s cathartic, in a way. Getting rid of what you feel like is weighing you down.  

Jungkook however, your dearest best friend, has always been on the other side of the spectrum. Loud, obnoxious, a life and soul of the party who happened to miraculously befriend the most quiet introvert in class. Sometimes you still wonder how your friendship has managed to survive almost twenty years. You’re two polar opposites. Fire and water. Storm and chilly breeze. A confession screamed in the middle of the night and handwritten love letter.  

You’re a dichotomy. Made of the same atoms, pulling in and pulling away. And if the phrase ‘opposites attract’ held any significance, maybe you would’ve ended up together. But in your case, it’s yet another platitude. Something that seems to work out only in books and movies. Because, if that was true, he would never fell in love with a female version of him, just graced with a sprinkle of pure sweetenes Jungkook sometimes lacks.

Soojin is everything you will never be. Polite, outgoing, sociable and so likeable you hate yourself for despising her. Truthfully, there’s nothing bad you could say about her. No wonder he’s fallen head over heels for her, not you.

What’s there to love about you, if you willing chose to pin for a boy that’s so out of your league? It’s actually hilarious to even dream about him returning your feelings.

You stare at the screen with half-lidded eyes. The clock reads quarter past midnight, letters start to blur into nothingness. Yet another chapter of your miserable life is completed as you save the document and slam your laptop shut. You don’t bother to shower or take off your clothes. Sleepiness hits you right when you close your eyes.  

You dream of wedding halls and never spoken love confessions.

You read once on Twitter that being an adult means checking your e-mail as a part of your morning social media routine and since then, you haven’t quite related to anything more in your life.  

At the very top of your inbox there’s yet another e-mail from your Creative Writing proffesor, Kim Namjoon. He’s a very stubborn man, you decide, as you scroll through the contents of his message. He still wants you to consider what he told you a few days ago after class, it seems.  

“Miss ___? Can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Sure.” you replied and awkwardly walked up to his podium.  

You might have been madly (and miserablely) in love with your best friend, but Kim Namjoon has never failed to make you feel like a silly teenager with a crush on her older teacher. To say Kim Namjoon was intimidating was an misunderstanding. His presence was thoroughly electrifying. You remembered a very disappointed sigh the girl sitting next you let out when she noticed a ring on his right hand. You couldn’t judge her. His wife had scored probably the finest man on this damn planet.  

“I read your latest assignment and I must say, your novelette was outstanding as always. Dare I say the best among others,” Namjoon said. You bowed your head in acknowledgement, praying he wouldn’t notice your rose-colored cheeks. “Regarding that, I actually have a proposition for you.”  

At that, your eyes widened. “What kind of proposition, sir?” you asked.  

He picked up a sheet of paper from his desk and handed it to you. It was a flyer, you realised, and read it through quickly. VARIETÉ Publishing was organising an annual contest for young poets, which you had heard about before. Your English Literature proffesor mentioned it during her lecture a week ago. However, poetry had never been your strong suit. As much as you enjoyed reading it, you weren’t really fond of creating your own poems. So why did Kim Namjoon decide to tell you about this all of a sudden?

“I know what you might be thinking right now, but I’m not actually encouraging you to take part in this competition,” As he smiled, two dimples appeared on each side of his mouth. “Do you know anything about VARIETÉ Publishing?”  

Slightly confused, you gave him a nod. “It’s one if the biggest publishing companies in the country.” 

“That’s very much true,” Namjoon agreed. “VARIETÉ's vice-chairman, Lee Jongi, is actually my old friend. We used to study together here, at this university. When I chose a teaching career, he got a job in a foreign publishing company, climbed up the ladder until the very top and now he’s vice-chairman and I’m a simple college professor,” He chuckled. You were too stunned to form a coherent response let alone laugh along with him. Lee Jongi and Kim Namjoon being buddies? It was a small world, after all. “Jongi has always been very fond of young, aspiring writers. When I discover a student with huge potential, I send him their works. If he finds them interesting enough, he might even take a risk and propose a publishing deal. This doesn’t happen quite often, but I want you to know that you have a pretty big chance to impress him.”

You stared at him, wide-eyed because holy fucking shit, did he just say he can help you publish your first book?  

“I don’t know what to say, sir. I’m shocked.” you responded truthfully. You had heard people complimenting your skills before but this was extraordinary. “Let me just process all of this: you know personally VARIETÉ'S vice-chairman and you want to show him my works?” Even said out loud, it still sounded surreal to you.  

“Correct. But of course, I won’t do anything without your consent.” Namjoon said. “That novelette you sent me recently was amazing. I’d love to show it to Lee Jongi one day.”

The task was to incorporate a hidden, symbolic message into a story. You decided to use your favorite flowers, magnolias, and its meaning. They represent eternity, because once they bloom they will continue to bloom for a long time. In your story, a girl gave her best friend magnolia's seeds, wishing her love for him to be everlasting. A day later, she received a pack of seeds from the boy as well. She happily planted them in her garden and when they bloomed, she discovered they were yellow tulips. A symbol of love that will never be reciprocated.

“You make people feel things with your words, ___, and that’s a very rare gift,” You heard Namjoon add. “Promise me you’ll consider my proposition.”  

There was thousand thoughts per hour running in your head, but you gave him a curt nod. “I’ll think about it.”  

As you’re staring now at the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard, you think about the girl whose only dream was to be loved by her best friend. Maybe it’s finally time for you to move on. Bury the past and plant a seed of new life. Because, loving Jeon Jungkook is, above all, the beginning of an end.

With shaky hands, you start writing a response to your proffesor.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Worthy”

Happy Saturday, everyone! I mean that seriously for once. Regardless of what I have to say about this episode — and as always, there's a lot — I want it on the record that "Worthy" was leagues ahead of... pretty much everything else we've gotten lately. For all of RWBY's continuing problems, there's a level of effort here that I really do appreciate. Especially for the penultimate episode.

Our title, "Worthy," immediately conjures thoughts of Watts' speech about Cinder needing to be "worthy" of the power she craves and, what do you know, our villains work hard to prove their worth this episode. Hallelujah! We start with the heroes though and do you recall how last week I said that our opening may as well be a summary of the whole series since Volume 6, what with the grimm conveniently avoiding the team's airship and them just looking vaguely sad that the people around them are perishing? Well, same here. Or rather, same problems, different flavor. Oscar opens with the question, "What do we do now?" and no sooner has he asked that then the magic portal appears to give him the answer. Useful!

More seriously though, I've been intensely side-eyeing the group's wish since last week. Not (just) because of the awful decision to turn Penny human, but simply because the story emphasized how "smart" the group was, heavily insisting that their portal plan is a masterpiece of well thought out strategy... and I really don't think it is. There was a lot of confusion last episode about how exactly the group was using the vault, with my own interpretation — that they were funneling everyone to Vacuo's vault — proven wrong today, but one of the problems brought up was how Ambrosius could possibly create portals across a kingdom precisely where the group needs them. Yang asks him,

"Can you make a bunch of doorways in Atlas that open at a single spot in Vacuo?"

To which, simply, Ambrosius says no. He'd need, among other things, "coordinates and specs for each door" and "an explanation for bending space and time."

This is why, prior to the very end of "Creation" where we saw portals appearing everywhere, I thought using both vaults was the solution. Ambrosius knows (or can easily receive) the coordinates for his own vault and the one in Vacuo. As weird, alternate dimensions, they're potentially capable of bending space and time as necessary. If you put the portal in Atlas' vault and open it up in Vacuo's vault, you're golden. The only challenge now is getting everyone in the kingdom to the Winter Maiden's vault.

But then... that didn't happen. Apparently the vault just becomes the in-between place for everyone to pass through and the portals appear all over the kingdom, even though the group didn't provide those "coordinates and specs." What they did was show Ambrosius a schematic of the cities. That's not the same thing as telling him precisely where each portal needs to appear — which is what he asked for. I bring this long-winded explanation up not merely to emphasize "RWBY's wish isn't as smart as the story wants you to believe it is" but because this wreaks havoc on who is getting a portal. How did the group tell Ambrosius precisely where to put a portal for Jaune's group? Why didn't they try to make one appear for Qrow and Robyn? Or Winter? Or Pietro and Maria? They had to have been somewhat specific in terms of saying where these portals appeared because if they just wished for everyone to get one, Jacques and Ironwood would have gotten one too. Basically, the portals do appear for characters whose “Worthy” plot now takes place in this in-between space and the portals do not appear for those whose plot is still taking place in Atlas. That's a mess. To say nothing of how it implies that our heroes just don't give a damn about all their other allies — including an uncle (Ruby, Yang) and a father (Penny) — and that, ultimately, Ambrosius did the very thing he initially said wouldn't work. He put a bunch of doors around Atlas that opened on a single point in Vacuo without making the group meet these requirements first. The rest is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo to distract the viewer from the fact that none of this actually makes sense.

But that's a tangent. To get back on track, Jaune's group decides to "spread the word on foot" since they can't contact anyone via their scrolls anymore. What this translates to is Jaune going to one spot and Nora doing the rest of the work because she can suddenly ride her hammer like a broomstick. 

You know what? I'm fine with it. Have we ever seen Nora do this before? Not that I recall. Is it a cute image that feeds my witch-loving brain? Yeeeeeaah.

They're not sure if the portals are safe though and everyone turns to Jaune as the joke test subject. Except everyone else is right behind him when the go through? Even the jokes in this show aren't consistent.

What I do like though is that we get another interesting team split: Oscar, Emerald, and Ren heading to Vacuo while Jaune and Nora help with the evacuation — even though Nora and Jaune aren't actually doing anything together. Still, I can see that (for this volume at least) RT has taken the duo criticisms to heart. It would have been incredibly easy to attach Nora and Ren at the hip again, despite her desire for space, so I'm glad that they're still striving to mix things up a bit.

Nora says that Shade is "armed to the teeth with huntsmen and huntresses." It is? I mean sure, it has its school, but so did Vale. So did Atlas. In fact, we've spent the last two volumes emphasizing that Atlas is really the only armed kingdom remaining. Remember the plan for them to protect the world after knowledge of Salem's existence threw everything into disarray? Well, the people know about Salem now. And Salem herself is attacking. And they're about to slam an entire kingdom into another one. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Nora ends her observations with the assertation that Vacuo will need as much help as they can get, but that worry feels far, far too late. Where were these concerns when Ruby made her announcement to the world in the first place? The fact that the group never went, "Hey, is it really worth telling people about Salem now when we can no longer provide the protection against the grimm that this announcement will necessitate? Yeah, we need backup, but can they even get here in time? I don't think so. Maybe we should hold off and try to find a way to solve this ourselves. Or, at the very least, just tell them Atlas is facing a massive grimm attack. That won't create quite the same panic as 'Magic immortal lady eager to kill you all' will."

Our heroes only acknowledge these problems when they're already neck deep in them. Forethought is not their strong suit.

For our obligatory humor, the people of Atlas are hiding behind the staircase after the evil portal appeared (weren't there, like, twenty of them in the last episode?) and a brave dude trying to toss a rock through accidentally hits Jaune. He — I kid you not — uses the Atlas huntsmen license gifted to him by Ironwood to gain authority over the group.

Talk about the story being tone deaf.

We segue to a shot of Penny who flies herself through the portal using the Maiden powers, precisely as she would have with her boots. Okay, I try not to pull many "I told you so"s because that's rude, petty, and all around just shit behavior... but boy is it tempting at times. Because RWBY's fandom is so staunchly against criticism that even the most polite pushbacks boil down to an equally rude "Just wait" mentality. Readers of these recaps know we were told to "just wait" for the group to talk to Ozpin. Or "just wait" for them to be punished for their crimes. "Just wait" for the complex forgiveness arc the group is sure to undergo with Emerald. "Just wait" is the go-to response when someone doesn't entirely disagree with our problems with the show, but still believes we're not giving RT enough credit. Most recently, I was told to "just wait" in regards to Penny. We don't actually know that her body is human. We don't actually know that her Maiden powers will still be the same. We don't actually know that this won't be the start of a long journey wherein she has to figure out how to use this new body, both on the battlefield and off. And the issue of RWBY failing to answer any of these questions isn’t valid criticism either because the only point being made here is that we’re not patient and supportive enough. Just wait. RT will prove you wrong. 

Well... Penny's body still appears entirely human, her Maiden powers still work just fine, and now they've given her the ability to create all her old weapons out of aura, meaning she fights exactly the same as she did before.

The only thing making Penny human did was force her to fight barefoot. Oh, and erase her journey of accepting herself as an android. 

Again, I don't want to be that asshole, especially when so many people want the show to be better — just like I do. By all means, hold out hope with me. But before slamming into someone's inbox to explain why they're being too negative because things are bound to be taken seriously down the road, keep in mind the staggering number of times we've decided to "just wait" and nothing ever came of it. Keep in mind that RWBY should be tackling these questions and expectations from the start. Now here we are, disappointed again. We're not pessimistic because we want to be, we're pessimistic because there's a clearly established pattern at play.

So Penny's change is, at this point, meaningless for her development and, at this point, we've lost the chance to introduce challenges later. If RT does, we're forever going to wonder why Penny didn't express any doubts upon waking up in a human body, or why she didn't face any problems while fighting another Maiden. Like Emerald getting the group to laugh and immediately being trusted with important duties, it's too late to suddenly backtrack and insist that there's still work to be done here. RT missed their chance.

That fight is a few minutes off though. For now, Oscar and the others arrive in Vacuo to discover that there's a sandstorm going on. Who could have ever expected that?

Seriously though, this is just one of the many reasons why our heroes come across as stupid. They deliberately chose to send everyone "outside the city limits of Vacuo," in a desert kingdom, after Ruby got the entire world panicked about Salem, and they somehow didn't think that a) weather might be a problem or b) grimm were going to show up? These characters have been though enough shit that they should be planning for the worst and hoping for the best, not planning for the best and assuming the worst just won't happen to them. Why wouldn't they have everyone appear inside the kingdom if they (against Ambrosius' rules) got to choose where everyone ended up? Why in the world would they rely on communications being up when CCT has been spotty since Volume 3 and Watts just took out Atlas’ entire system? Our characters don't think anything through — despite Ambrosius’ claims otherwise — and it makes for some pretty awful characterization. Because RWBY isn't trying to be a story about teenagers seriously messing up their attempts at heroics, it's trying to be a story about True Heroes... and we're just supposed to ignore the endless number of times the group doesn't think the most basic problems through. So now, Oscar and the other stand there doing nothing for the rest of the episode because a sandstorm in the desert threw a wrench in their plans. 

The only reason I didn’t bring this up last week is because I had no idea they had chosen to dump everyone outside of the city. I thought they were going to the vault, or at the very least appearing inside the border. Why wouldn’t you send everyone to the city??

It’s so stupid, but then Cinder arrives and blows a whole bunch of people off the edge of the pathways. HELL YEAH.

I mean, obviously not hell yeah for the poor civilians who just took a tumble, but yay the villain causing some damage. It's small potatoes compared to what we were promised at the end of last volume — Salem decimating a whole kingdom in The Fall of Atlas — but at least it's more than we were getting last week.

So Cinder is having her evil fun when the entire group leaves Penny to go after her. Again, stupid. You're going to leave the girl who (at this point) may not have been in a position to fight with her new body and stands vulnerable with a Relic? Not a single member stays behind to guard her? It would have served Team RWBY right if Neo had shown up and just clocked Penny, taking a second Relic for herself.

Cinder taunts the group with information she shouldn't have: “Your little friend Oscar was right, but the easy part ends here" then mimics them with the question "How’d you know about that?” at their shocked looks. This starts a flashback where we return to Cinder, Neo, and Watts in the alleyway. 

Again Cinder is given more development than a supposed hero like Emerald, apologizing to Neo for not upholding her end of their bargain. In fact, Cinder displays more growth here than our entire title characters combined, it's just that her growth turns her into a better villain. She apologizes to Neo, compliments Watts as a means of acknowledging the work he's accomplished — “You tore this kingdom apart with nothing but your intellect. How about we finish what you started?” — and tells the heroes that she did learn something from them: “Sometimes, if you want to win, you simply can’t do it alone.” 

I quite like all of this. Again, not that Cinder should be our biggest threat with Salem on the scene, but if you remove that context this is a great moment for her. She's actually learned something, but instead of following in the rather abrupt and, in Hazel's case, nonsensical footsteps of her peers, what she's learned has made her more dangerous, not a sudden, convenient ally. Since Volume 7 RWBY has hammered home the idea that only friends can truly be a good team and now, well, Cinder is kind of making friends. She's apologizing to Neo. She seems glad that Watts is happy. RWBY took the concept of working together and applied it to our villains with devastating effect. Team RWBY has been skating by on the idea that power comes from friendship, so what happens if your enemies become weird friends too?

To be clear, this doesn't erase the staggering number of other problems with Cinder's character, or the villains as a unit, or the volume as a whole... but it is an interesting step in the right direction. Props for that.

Granted, outside of the fight itself, the villains don't really win because they're smart, the heroes are just — again — staggeringly stupid. Cinder promises to get Ruby for Neo if she can ask Jinn a question... which she does! 

This moment could have been avoided if our heroes had just put the Lamp in the vault. Or not had Oscar carrying it around. Or used up the wish after they'd already summoned Jinn. Cinder's victory here rests entirely on her own enemies' ineptitude. At least she has the smarts to exploit it. She asks Jinn what the group's plan is and our three villains are shown the revelation outside after saving Penny and the discussions that took place in the dining room. They learn everything they need to inflict maximum chaos.

And it’s great. 

Three other details of note:

Cinder spots Emerald with the heroes during Jinn's vision, but doesn't have much of a reaction beyond her expression tightening.

Jinn looks sad when she reveals the group's plan, reinforcing the idea that she's biased towards our heroes. I'd be more on board with that characterization if a) she weren't created by Light whose own Good Guy persona is dubious at best, and b) she wasn't so cruel towards Ozpin. Again, it's just this strange insistence that everyone adore Ruby Rose.

Neo reveals the Relic by pulling it out of Roman's hat. Uh... is that how hats work? They contain objects twice their height? While resting on someone's head? This wasn't one of Neo's illusions, she literally just pulled it out like a real world magician. That's weird. Showy, but weird.

Anyway, the flashback continues as the villains infiltration the Atlas military headquarters. I really enjoyed the music and cinematography here. It's a strangely uplifting tune — rather Cinderella-esque — which doesn't appear to work until you remember that these moments are through Cinder's perspective. Of course this is a Happy Ending for her — even if it's not for the audience. The quick cut between her summoning some fire and the whole room alight, bodies everywhere, was an excellent touch.

The happiness of this moment is then emphasized by Neo skipping as she beats people and Watts admitting that this is "everything I’ve ever wanted." I'm really digging the contrast between this scene's celebratory nature and the knowledge that the story is celebrating the wrong characters. It creates an enjoyably uncomfortable feeling for us and helps flesh out the villains more. From their perspective, life is good.

There's even a shot of that #1 Dad mug. Sometimes, RWBY gets it right.

Watts in particular is enjoying himself. He snags a discarded apple — no fairy tale symbolism there, I'm sure — and casually rubs the blood off it before taking a bite. This guy has style! 

Watts watches Jaune try to send out his message to the kingdom and cuts communication at the worst possible moment. But then, we knew that already.

Elsewhere in the facility, Robyn and Qrow are trying to round up the Ace Ops. They all feel Atlas shake, realizing that the group has used the Relic, and Elm is appropriately horrified. "They'll destroy the kingdom!" Robyn says some self-righteous words about how a kingdom is made up of its people, not the land it exists on, which, while ignoring the importance of land to so many cultures, completely ignores that right now the majority of people are still on Atlas, or below it, including them. "They set the house alight!" someone cries. "Who cares about a stupid house," Robyn says, uncaring that the entire family still resides inside and she's starting to inhale smoke.

As Robyn tries to paint herself as a hero, Watts hacks one of the droids and sets it to self-destruct, telling it to run full-tilt at the group. Their weapons don't stop it and at the last second Marrow throws himself in front to take the blast, shattering his aura. Uh... after everything we've seen in this show, a single, small explosion wipes out his aura? I don't care about that so much here, but I absolutely care about it for an upcoming scene. Keep this in mind.

Also, I'm not going to get into the potential problems of trying to execute Marrow, beating up Marrow, and then blowing up Marrow. Others can tackle that leviathan of a subject.

At least he survived? But only RT knows if Robyn and Qrow bothered to put him on their ship.

Because as Atlas begins to fall Harriet, free of Marrow's semblance, races for an airship going off the edge of the open parking garage. Idk what else to call that space. I'm sure there's something appropriately military-esque, but we're going with parking garage for now lol. This is the one — one — moment where I felt like the Ace Ops were actually written like they weren't friends, what with Harriet's willingness to race off and leave them behind. Again though, it's too late and there are, frankly, other aspects to consider. Like the fact that Marrow just betrayed her. I don't think she's in the right mind for trusting the rest of her team, especially when there are only seconds to save herself.

Vine uses his stretchy arms to grab hold of her ship though and heaves himself on board.

Cutting to the jail, Ironwood wakes up and is greeted with a despondent Jacques. As Ironwood realizes that the group has the Staff, Jacques goes, "That's right, you lose! … we both lose." Before there can be any interesting discussion though, Ironwood's cell... goes out???

I suppose the explanation for this is things falling apart as Atlas descends, but man is that another moment of head-scratching convenience. What's even worse is that Winter apparently just left his weapons beside the cell. "Hey, what should we do with Ironwood's giant gun?" "Idk, leave it for him on the off chance us removing the city's power source wreaks havoc with the electrical bars?" I mean seriously. At least Qrow had to go find his weapon in a locker.

For a second Jacques is thrilled, sure that Ironwood will open his cell too... right?

He does open the cell, by blasting the whole thing to smithereens, Jacques included.

You all know I'm horribly disappointed with how they've written Ironwood, but I can't bring myself to dredge up any fury over this murder. It's Jacques. You know, the abuser and slave owner who has never shown a single shred of decency? Can't say I'm sorry to see him gone, especially since one of the Schnee girls were never going to kill him. The only other thing they could have done was have Jacques die an accidental death.

So villain!Ironwood can have another murder, as a treat.

Meme jokes aside, it's interesting that Ironwood's never-seen-before-last-episode gun produces a green blast and fire. It looks incredibly similar to what Penny created as an android and the fire around her Maiden eyes. Unlike Watts' apple though, I don't think this is a parallel RT intentionally included. Not unless we want to dig deep for more “Metal bodies = evil” symbolism, but there’s already plenty more persuasive examples of that. 

Returning to Team RWBY, we finally come to the highlight of the episode: Yang falling off the edge.

Okay, I want to praise RWBY for having the guts to kill off a main character... but we all know they haven't killed off a named character. If next episode — or perhaps even next volume — it's revealed that Yang is really dead, I'll happily eat these words. For now though, this is not the consequence that RWBY critics have asked for. This is, in fact, quite a mess.

Let's count up all the ways this scene has failed spectacularly.

No one believes that Yang is actually dead. Not just because she's a title character, not just because Ambrosius never confirmed that the void was deadly or even dangerous — "Don't fall," however ominous, doesn't actually tell us what happens to someone who falls — but also because we have been here before. Three volumes ago. Remember how it looked like Weiss would die only for Jaune to unlock his semblance and save her? Yeah. The audience is both genre and RWBY savey. This cliffhanger feels cheap because absolutely no one is fooled.

Feel familiar? 

Worse, Yang falls because of another round of stupidity. Nothing about this moment is convincing.

First, she notices Neo sneaking up on Ruby. What's her reaction? To flare her semblance, charge her in fury, and be horribly injured. Oh wow, where have we seen this before?

This is the exact same series of events from Volume 3. A loved one of Yang's is about to be harmed, she gets mad, charges without thinking, and takes the brunt of the attack herself, resulting in a far more serious injury than likely would have otherwise occurred. Emotionally understandable, but stupid. More importantly, it's the exact thing Tai tried to warn her about. The fandom praised Yang's arc because she got a moment of calm with Mercury, but since then we’ve ignored that development, reverting Yang to the same, impulsive fighter as before. Volume 6 showed us this problem in a non-combat setting and this moment solidifies it. Yang has learned absolutely nothing since Beacon. She's the same protective, reckless fighter she was back then, getting herself grievously injured because she can't think before she acts. What was the point of sending her on that journey if she was never going to improve? 

Neo cuts through Yang's aura in a single hit. A single hit. These characters have long, drawn out fights filled with crazy attacks and you're telling me a single slice of Neo's weapon is enough to shatter Yang's aura? Really, aura has been an absurd plot device for a while, but this volume has been particularly bad. Ren's aura breaks so the group is spotted by Salem's grimm, but then is back just a few minutes later so he can see purple petals around Emerald. Jaune's aura is said to be running just as low, but then is totally fine to boost Penny for the next hour until she reaches the vault. Now, Yang has had just as much time to rest as they do, but she’s instantly taken out?

This is a problem not because the loss of aura itself sends her over, but because the hit was apparently so powerful Yang passes out. She's groggy at least, blearily looking at everyone as she falls, but not reacting to them and, importantly, not trying to save herself. 

Yang could have reached for Blake's throw. She has a landing strategy. She could have blasted herself up, or towards any of the three paths she falls past. Instead she just... plummets. In a show where our characters are introduced through their ability to survive being launched off a cliff. Neo's attack needs to be miraculously incapacitating to justify — "justify" — Yang doing nothing to get out of this situation, in an episode where, minutes later, Ren's aura will also go out (again) but he's standing up and ready to fight a horde of grimm. But losing her aura through one hit somehow incapacities Yang?  

Also, to ward off the expected claims: she didn't hit her head. Yang's back hit the path and her eyes were closed before she ever made contact. Neo's hit just... knocked her out.

That's absurd.

Worse than her not helping herself, no one else on her team helps either. Except Blake. Ruby, who this volume has learned that she is basically able to teleport and negate the mass of carrying someone else, doesn't fly towards her sister. Weiss, who can summon flying grimm and create platforms for someone to land on, just reaches out a hand. They all had time to do something, Blake's action is proof of that, but neither of them did. Why? Because the show wants this to be a bees moment. I say that not as someone who hates the ship, but as someone who loves it. Or at least, I've always loved its potential, but if you need to prove their devotion by erasing the devotion of others... that's incredibly bad writing. And that's what this is. The choice to have Blake the only one capable of acting sends the message that she loves Yang enough to overcome the shock of her falling. That love powers her to act. But Yang is Weiss’ teammates too! Yang is Ruby's sister.

You’re telling me neither of them had the drive to push past shock and save her? 

I find it particularly insulting that Weiss comforts Blake rather than crumbling in grief herself. I find it doubly insulting that Blake cries and screams, but Ruby stoically continues her fight with Neo. In trying to show Blake's love for Yang — and hers in turn — the show has unintentionally pulled back on the love everyone else has, even between siblings. This is a far more harmful repetition of Yang's moment in the outpost: she cares more about the imagined disagreement with Blake than she does the actual fight she had with Ruby. Blake shows more emotion for Yang's assumed death than her sister has. You can't prove love by diminishing it elsewhere. The scene 100% needed all three girls doing everything in their power to save Yang, failing, and then continuing the fight while expressing the appropriate emotion for such a massive loss. Ruby can fly towards Yang and be pinned by Cinder. Weiss can start to summon and have an attack disrupts it. Ruby can scream and cry while she fights Neo. Again: that's her sister.

There's nothing about this scene that works for me and honestly? After Yang returns they better kiss. Or there better be an "I love you." Something canonical. There will never be a better, more obvious time for a confession than after Blake thinks she's lost Yang for good and if we don't get one... the ship has well and truly sunk. We're living in a post-Supernatural finale world. You can no longer take your one, implied to be queer main couple, toss one into this fantasy's version of super hell, give them a second chance together... and then leave things dangling. RWBY has to make them canon when Yang returns if they have any hope of maintaining a large portion of their queer fanbase.

As a final note on this scene, I don't like what it implies about both Blake and our lost civilians. Like Yang, (and like Penny last episode) this attack undermines the growth our characters have undergone. Yang learns not to attack out of emotion with her semblance... and then does just that. Penny learns that she's a person with an android body... and then gets a human body to make her perfect. Blake realizes that she isn't willing to kill people in this war anymore... and then goes after Neo with an intensity that implies she's ready to kill her. It's a detail that might have been meaningful if Blake's struggle had existed in more than a single line in a single scene. As it is, it just feels like they've forgotten — or are ignoring — another character beat they introduced. 

As for our civilians, will the show bring them back too? Look, I'm pleased Cinder blew them off the edge. I'm glad there were finally consequences for the kingdom-wide attack, even if none of have to come about from our main antagonist. But that impact was erased the second they threw Yang off the edge too. If they bring only her back, Team RWBY look like assholes who only care about their friends, not all the people they were charged with protecting (a recurring theme in this series). If they do bring the civilians back, we've lost that consequence. RWBY never should have tossed a title character into that void especially when, as said, everyone watching knows it's not a real consequence of this fight.

This was a terribly crafted scene, imo. If the only purpose here is to push the bees to confess, we could have gotten that after the whale. Yang was captured by Salem. That's more than enough danger to justify coming clean about feelings and the volume could have easily been reworked to make Blake aware of that danger, forcing her to stew in it until Yang returned, unharmed.

Instead we get this.

Also, I don't even want to get into the implications of having Yang disappear in a cloud of glittering gold dust like Pyrrha did. That's a world building rabbit hole RWBY really doesn't need.

So Yang is gone but obviously not gone. Blake is the only one impacted by this enough to react emotionally. Penny hears her scream and comes running, showing the viewer that absolutely nothing had changed despite getting an entirely new body. 

Cinder weirdly throws her voice — has she done that before? — to distract Penny and the fight continues, with Neo going after Ruby and Blake going after Neo. There's a moment where Blake realizes that Weiss is in trouble too, looking between her two teammates, unsure of who to help. 

I'm calling it now: Blake will be the third semblance upgrade, splitting herself into multiple fighters capable of functioning independently, rather than just shadow clones to take hits.

It would make as much sense as anything else.

Cinder at least is fighting smart, attacking the civilians rather than Weiss directly, then blowing her glass up in Weiss' face. She then manages to catch herself in the air, but, you know, couldn't do the same for Yang.

At the very least don't have Weiss using these abilities seconds later, c'mon.

We thankfully leave this nonsense for, well... more nonsense. Vine and Harriet get into a fight about what Clover would have wanted, which means nothing to the viewer because we didn't know Clover long enough to develop that sense for ourselves. I'm sorry, but following an order to peacefully bring Qrow in for questioning is not proof that he would have seen things through in the sense of blowing up Mantle, yet that's what we're supposed to believe based on Harriet's assertions and Vine's take that "perhaps Clover was wrong." I really hate that RWBY has taken to bashing the guy before he had the chance to actually do anything. Everyone is criticizing Clover based on lies or assumptions about what he might have done if, you know, he hadn't been murdered. Qrow blames Clover for defending himself, not his own choice to team up with Tyrian. Robyn asserts that Qrow is a better huntsmen than Clover, even though the one scene they had together was Robyn deciding to attack Clover because she didn't like him doing his job. Now Vine is like, "Yeah, Clover might have tried to blow up a kingdom needlessly, but maybe he was wrong and a bad person, you know?" I don't even like Clover that much, but the story has really gone out of its way to criticize him when he's obviously not around to prove, disprove, or otherwise defend himself. That’s messed up. 

The one good part about this scene is Harriet losing it, all her firm beliefs crumbling to reveal just an aching grief for losing Clover. Hark, is this humanity for the other Ace Ops I see? Some development and characterization? Vine reaching out sympathetically to comfort her because they've always been a team, no matter what Ruby might say about it?

Oh wait, no. They're interrupted by Robyn screaming as she slams her ship into theirs.

I think Robyn is, officially, my least favorite character in the series. Which isn't to say there aren't objectively worse characters than her — we saw one get blown up this episode — but no one has this particular combination of horrible acts, self-righteous attitude, and an absolute dearth of other positive qualities to distract from that. Robyn has brought nothing to the last two volumes except frustration and I can only hope she goes off to do her own thing when our finale is done.

Qrow goes feral, turning into a bird and changing at the last second to slam through Harriet's window. He taunts her about getting the fight she wanted and we see Watts hacking her ship while they're distracted.

Watts, I'm really loving the evil schemes, but don't you want to, uh... leave? Atlas is falling and you're one of maybe three people left on it. Best get a move on, chop, chop.

Those other two people are Winter and Ironwood, both of whom have come to the vault looking for Team RWBY. Ironwood lands a hit with his new gun, giving a short speech about how though he was always on the lookout for betrayal, he never expected it from her. He tells Winter to stand aside as his final order, to which she replies, “I’ve never wavered in fighting the enemies of this kingdom," preparing to fight.

I've explained the problems with Ironwood's downfall ad nauseam. I don't think that's needed again here. However, there are two final points I'd like to make.

Winter's characterization took a hit along with Ironwood's. Why didn't he think she'd ever betray him? Because they clearly cared for one another. The fact that Winter so quickly and easily gave up on Ironwood is a disservice to both of them. Even in the throes of being an emotionless killer, we still understand Ironwood's devastation at this betrayal: his shock when Winter attacked, his request that she step aside now, the single tear. 

There's nothing like that on her end. No denial that the man she faithfully followed would do this. No insistence that the man who helped her escape her abusive upbringing be reasoned with. Nothing. Winter dismisses Ironwood with the same callousness the narrative has.

Which brings me to my second point: this isn't hopeful. I know the Emerald lovers don't want me making comparisons, but the story has already done that for us. You can't give us an all out villain — someone responsible for countless deaths across the series, attacks on kingdoms, lying to our heroes, willingly working for the enemy  — and say that it's good to forgive her instantly, but it's not acceptable to even consider forgiving the man who has also killed, also threatened to attack a kingdom, was honest with our heroes, and always fought against the enemy. You can't give us an entire story about hope and forgiveness — Ruby reaching out to Raven, Weiss wanting to rescue Jacques, Oscar putting all his trust in Hazel — while saying that this character isn't worth compromising with. This character needs to be denounced to the whole world so there's no possibility of forgiveness. This character will commit horrific acts and his allies will immediately jump ship, but others? Their horrific acts are forgiven the moment you give them a way out. I'm supposed to believe that Yang, who knew Emerald only as the woman who attacked her school and has helped make their lives a living hell since then, will laugh with her within an hour, but Qrow, after years of being an ally and friend to Ironwood, is suddenly ready to murder him over an arrest he had no context for? That Ruby will try to make peace with every enemy she comes across, but not the guy who was the ally she betrayed? That Winter would extend more compassion to her abusive father than the man who helped her escape that? Ironwood's downfall isn't just horribly written, it messes with RWBY's core themes. Everyone deserves a second chance, is worth crying over, is worth reaching out to no matter how many horrible things they've done... except this guy here.

And when that guy is the PTSD riddled military vet who crumpled in large part because the heroes continually lied to, betrayed, and took extreme action rather than working to find a compromise... that's a really bad take. That shows a lot of bias on the part of RT. They're trying to write a story about the evils of the institution, but think they can reduce that to the evils of a single man driven to the brink. That doesn't send a teachable message to the audience and it certainly doesn't send a hopeful one. All it does is reiterate that if you rip away someone's support network when they're already falling they will, shockingly, fall harder.

Which brings us back to characters like Emerald. Because no, no one has to help Ironwood. When someone is hurting you and committing the crimes he has this volume, no one is required to extend a hand at their own, personal peril. But when the narrative is so heavily pushing forgiveness for other mass-murderers? When child torturers are extended a hand during the torture? That reframes everyone abandoning Ironwood into something unpalatable. Having Ironwood’s allies, friends, and really, family, so quickly toss him aside while other, equally bad people are welcomed in says that everyone struggling like him isn’t worth the effort. From a genre perspective, this isn’t a tragedy because the characters don’t care. No one is striving to bring Ironwood back from the brink. No one is crying over the man they lost. Hazel gets a moment of silence as Emerald kneels, stricken in the aftermath of his death, but one of the heroes since Volume 2 gets nothing but hateful looks from his second. 

But we all knew we'd end up here. My current theory? The portal should still be open at the vault. Winter will fight Ironwood, escape through it, and it will close right before he escapes too. He'll fall with Atlas and everyone will act as if it's some beautiful, poetic justice for him to perish with the city. 

Here’s hoping I’m very wrong! 

Finishing with Oscar's group, Ren's aura breaks after trying to mask everyone coming through the portal. Oscar realizes that Penny should have come through by now and runs back to find her, only to discover that the portal is closed on this side. Why? Because Weiss wished for a "one way trip to Vacuo." Not only is this another example of our heroes being stupid — they come up with this complicated wish that doesn't actually makes sense, but don't bother to be careful with their words like Ruby was when helping Penny? — but it also just... doesn't add up? How does Oscar know what Weiss wished for? How does Ozpin? (His one line in the episode.) They recall this together, the flashback acting like a memory, but neither of them were there. Neither was Ren. Neither was Emerald. They haven't spoken to the Relic group since separating.

It looks like RT still needs to edit their scripts.

As Oscar realizes they're trapped, the emotions of the group summons a huge number of grimm to the area. At this point, my only thought was why none of them had used the time Ren was buying them to try and find Vacuo. I mean, they're not the only fighters with semblances here. They have the Happy Huntresses too and, I would think, the Atlas students (unless the army was abandoned like Pietro and Maria were. Where are Neon and Flynt?) There's no one in this huge crowed with an ability that might make scouting ahead a little safer? No one is even going to try and figure some plan out? Everyone on these teams is too passive. They encounter a problem — where's the city? — and instead of trying to solve it while they can, while they’re in a good position to, they wait around until the situation becomes unimaginably worse and they have to figure something out or risk dying. Now, the people are being carried off by grimm, they know something has gone wrong on the pathways, and Ren is about to enter another fight without his aura. Let's hope he doesn't take a hit like Yang.

Summary of "Worthy"? Excellent villains, terrible heroes. It's better than what we've gotten in a while, but choices like Yang's fall ensures it's still not good. Given the trajectory of the volume, it was inevitable that we would end up here: moments that look significant at first glance, but are (quite likely) no more than window dressing in the long run.

Finally, bingo is rather boring this week. Unsurprising, considering we're almost out of space. I'm keeping our "Army of grimm conveniently doesn't kill any civilians" square checked because the point there was for Salem to kill people, not for the group to lead the refuges into a grimm infested desert. We'll have to see how many people they lose though and whether Atlas "somehow survives." Here, like Robyn, I'm talking about the citizens, not the now clearly doomed hunk of land. At this point, Oscar doesn’t seem to at all care about his near death experience, but I'll hold off on that square until we're truly done, and there's still a near certain possibility that Ironwood will die, with a likely possibility that Qrow grabs a bottle when first given the chance. What RWBY has avoided though is a Jacques-Watts team up 2.0. Considering, you know, Jacques is dead.

Gold star for not doing the expected, iffy thing, RWBY.

That's the square I would have least minded seeing though 😬

Anyway, finale next Saturday, folks! What insanity will the end bring? Only time will tell. But I can't wait to see what state the fandom will be left in for hiatus!

Until then 💜

[plutoswrath]

have you ever considered scheduling your asks? like giving yourself the time to reply 4 to 6 a couple times a week and then just leave them schedule for different dates? so that you don’t even have to think about replying asks on certain dates. Just a thought you know

A few weeks ago I wrote that I will respond slower to any asks (old and new ones) I received, because of university/work and other personal problems that I unfortunately can’t post pone and have to prioritize.

The thing is my schedule is very tight (especially now) and I don’t have the time to answer asks every day/majority of the week. I did that in the past but the problem is that the blog just simply doesn’t fit in my schedule everyday/majority of the week. The reason for that is answering asks doesn’t take just a few minutes. Take the rising sign posts for example: if someone asks me about a persons rising sign I put some thought behind it, I calculate the birth chart and weight out the possibilities, I actually (re)watch content and read through the persons biography. It’s not work of just 10 minutes max. it takes a lot of time and this goes to majority of my answers. I don’t like giving half-done replies, I want to give as much information as possible, because that’s the way I work: thoroughly. I already differentiate between asks that are more post requests and even take me some time of research and asks that are quicker to answer. It’s not really about the dates I ‘have’ to answer them, it’s more about the fact that it takes time to properly answer them, time I currently don’t have.

Astrology is my passion and this blog is a hobby of mine and I genuinely want it to stay that way! I like answering asks and I do enjoy how versatile they are and the different conversations and astro talks some people started through the message box, but I feel like it becomes a ‘job’/obligatory easily (like somehow falling more and more into it). And to be fair since I’m a content creator for a very long time here now, people (sadly) not always give a thank you or just somehow let me know they have acknowledged that I took the time of my free time to answer their question/that they read my reply/finished a requested post, etc. which just adds to the obligatory feeling. I would genuinely love to have the opportunity to spend more time on here but it’s simply not possible and in regards of my last point I don’t want this hobby to feel obligatory, as in feeling bad that I wasn’t able to finish more replies, when that’s just all I was able to work on given my current circumstances. Recently I feel like I come on here to give a sign of life to let people know I’m not gone and even if I’m not actively posting something I am working on asks (they are just queued or in the drafts). Sometimes it’s just not as easy as trying to make time when you simply don’t have it. In addition, I do have other hobbies besides astrology as well and I actively try to put time into them so they don’t die. This blog already gets prioritized a lot in my life, but it has to have its limits in order for astrology to stay enjoyable for me, especially when my priorities have to be something else right now.

This is also more of a general update as well since I wanted to write this for a while, so people understand that when I don’t answer it’s not that I don’t care or just simply can’t bother to schedule time properly; I just really don’t have the time to be on this blog right now.

I think this ask is also a good opportunity to close the ask box for now, I meant to do that a few days ago but I was busy, he.

As I’m closing the ask box I will continue to answer a the asks in my inbox, I don’t know how long it takes, I guess just as long as last time (so 2-3 weeks).

[dotsayers]

20 Questions: Writer’s Edition

tagged by the beloved @myrmidryad 

this is a LONG one so here’s a cut to avoid do you love the colour of the sky syndrome

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

101 after a recent purge... no one may know about my Past

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

329004! used to be about 350k but again... purge

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3 i’ve written for (chronologically) doctor who, skyfall, discworld, les mis, star trek, lord peter wimsey, marvel (various), in the flesh, red vs blue, roosterteeth rpf, check please, hockey rpf, star wars, daredevil, rivers of london, dishonored, emmerdale, dirk gently, holby city, hot fuzz, kj charles, guardian, the covert captain, taskmaster rpf, good omens, ghosts, roswell new mexico, leverage, schitt’s creek, the magicians, 9-1-1, it chapter two, the magnus archives, the old guard, the mandalorian, the ritual, the locked tomb

way back on the pit of voles i wrote for twilight, harry potter, hetalia and xmen first class. and on the newsround chatrooms i wrote exclusively harry potter fic about my oc neville and luna’s daughter

as you can tell i am not prone to staying in one fandom writing wise, i tend to end up with one complete fic and seven abandoned wips concealed deep in my google drive

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

finally see what it means to be living (captain marvel, carol/maria, i really hit the zeitgeist with this one i think i was something like the fifth fic in the ship tag)

do whatever you think (the magnus archives, this series is actually #2-7, then #8 #9 and #11 for me so i’m going to cheat a bit)

standing in a world of my own (daredevil, matt/foggy/karen, another zeitgeist hit! really miss writing for daredevil actually... it’s a perennial fave)

a winding road that stretches towards the truth (iron man, tony/rhodey, i STILL don’t know when this got so many kudos. i swear i looked away when it was at 100 and suddenly it ended up here)

where the long shadows grow (star trek aos, kirk prime/spock prime, thank god some people are checking the prime kirkspock tag is all i’m saying!)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i don’t really Do angsty endings... possibly a blanket of stars just because i ended it on something of a cliffhanger and then completely zoned out of rnm for long enough that i forgot where i was going with it. there was definitely the intention of fixing things but then i just... did not do that. and now the show is on s3 and i’m over a season behind! life comes at you fast

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

where the long shadows grow, because it reunited kirk prime and spock prime and they DESERVE TO BE HAPPYYYY. i’m a complete sucker for presumed dead/back from the dead stories, actually, so on a similar theme i have two (TWO) daredevil fics which follow the trope, one about ray coming back post-s2 (might never be normal again) and one about foggy and matt reuniting post-endgame (in the corner, taking up space). this is the only time i will ever acknowledge endgame ever again

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i do write crossovers! in fact i am often roundly mocked by my friends for the increasingly esoteric nature of my crossovers. way back in secondary i wrote a twilight/labyrinth crossover where angela was sarah and jareth’s daughter  because i had a massive crush on a girl who liked both twilight and labyrinth. however, since that has been comprehensively scrubbed from the internet, i think my craziest crossover is probably part three of ‘traced upon the skies’, already an esoteric crossover of rivers of london and hot fuzz, when i added in a crossover with the horror movie ‘the ritual’ just because i wanted rafe spall’s character to be happy 

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

EXTREMELY rarely and only with extreme embarrassment. i will not be any more specific than that

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i used to really struggle with doing this, to the point that i had over 300 comments just. lingering in my inbox unanswered. so i decided to give those up and just commit to answering them from then on, which has been working fairly well for about a year and a half now. i love getting comments but i get overwhelmed really easily and struggle with replying in a way which feels meaningful without getting in my head about it! 

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes lmao it was for a harry potter fic on ff.net where harry got sorted into hufflepuff instead of gryffindor. it wasn’t a very good fic but i think the fact it was clearly written by an 11 year old should have scared off at least some of the less flattering comments.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t... think so? i don’t know how i’d find out to be honest, my vanity googling is rarely very effective

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! as bronze may be much beautified (skyfall, mallory/bond) got translated into chinese, i was extremely pleased. i think it’s mandarin but the ao3 page for the translation doesn’t say and my mandarin is.................. extremely poor

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

also yes! me and jess little-smartass have written a lot together, although only our star trek/les mis series has been published, more’s the pity. we spent a lot of les mis fandom time workshopping aus and we were always extremely correct about all of it, imo

14. What’s your all time favourite ship to write for?

oh god. i think probably kirk/spock, although there’s some recency bias to that since i reread space manhattans recently and was reminded of my love for them. i really like writing jon/martin but i’ve mostly done that from outsider pov which is a bit different to writing shipfic, i think. joe/nicky from tog was also something i really liked writing but i struggle with plotting longer fic with them

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i recently went through my abandoned fic folder so i actually have a few options for this. the obvious choice would be ‘any of the hockey ones’ but i did delete most of those just for my sanity. more recently i started writing a vaguely smutty pre-the thing mac/fuchs fic for alex @milkdrinker5000 which i really WANT to finish but am struggling with. most obscure answer (even beyond the thing) and most likely to remain unfinished is the insanely in depth post-tog booker/copley fic i had planned out back in about october. i wrote a good 6-7k of that one and then i realised it was going to be, like, difficult, and decided if i was going to put that much work into something it may as well be the novel im meant to be writing

16. What are your writing strengths?

once a friend told me i had an excellent facility for dialogue and ive thought about it every time i write ever since. i love writing dialogue and i think i’m good at knowing what sounds ic and what is right out. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

one of the things i struggled with for a really long time, and honestly still have trouble with, is depicting action in words. once i wrote a hockey fic which featured multiple hockey games and i spent probably four times as much effort editing those to make sense and be interesting that i’ve ever done on a talkier scene.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i’ve done it but only when i knew more or less what i was talking about - i did italian at school so i felt confident using it for nicky in something particular and real. i try not to italicise when i drop in words from other languages, which is what i usually do when i’m using a language i haven’t studied in depth (for example, joe’s use of arabic in some of my fic), and to only use words which i’ve heard used by native speakers in that context. i think if you don’t feel confident using another language, generally speaking, you shouldn’t do it. and for god’s sake don’t use google translate for a full sentence

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter on the newsround chatboards. ariana lovegood-longbottom my sweet child

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this used to be an easy question because hands down the fic i was proudest of on posting it was i’ll be seeing you. i spent a year and a half on research and writing! but these days i do cringe a little at my hockey fic, and i think i’m prouder of some of my shorter works. let’s do a curveball and say layer on layer, down on down, which is my favourite of my rnm fics and the one i like most from a narrative voice perspective. getting michael right was stressful and i’m still proud i got it down for a TIME LOOP FIC, my absolute favourite trope

tagging @little-smartass and @leescoresbies just in case they want to try this

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[gear-project]

The TRUTH

I suppose with everything that has happened, everyone wants to hear the Truth from me.

The Truth is, I was born and raised on the South Side of Milwaukee, in a mixed hotpot of cultures, ethnicities, and backgrounds. Everything from Hispanic to Greek to Hmong to Afro-American to Polish to German, Canadian, and everything in-between.

I was raised by my parents not to categorize people by what they looked like, not to call them by any specific color or race or category or label. Not out of some twisted sense of disrespect for their ethnicity or background history, but as a means of treating everyone EQUALLY, as friends, neighbors, and family.

The South Side (my own "South Town") was where I met many friends of all types, some of whom have stayed my friends throughout the years fortunately.  I even have family who married in to roots from Haiti and had kids.

I've even had close friends in college open up to me about being Gay, even had a Gay roommate, and I accepted all of them.  Because People are PEOPLE. They're living beings, each with Souls of their own.

--But, I suppose that's not the Truth you're here for.

The truth is, back in 2000 or so when I first bought Guilty Gear X for the first time, I knew absolutely nothing about the series back then.  All I heard were head-canons and rumors. People treated Ky Kiske like a gender-swapped girl, or they treated characters like Dizzy, Millia, and Jam like sex objects.

None of this misinformation matched what I found in the GGX Instruction Manual that was included with the PS2 disc I had bought.  Nor did I question the accuracy of the manual's translation, or if the localization team behind the game manuals of GG1 and GGX (thanks to Atlus/Sega) had some kind of twisted "ulterior motive" when they presented the game's story to me.  Nope.  I just accepted every aspect of what was officially presented to me.  They had no reason to lie, of course.

And, at the time, I had no idea expanded content like the Guilty Gear Bible even existed... because it was Japanese exclusive content, so of course I wouldn't know, not knowing the language at the time.

On the other hand, I came to grow frustrated with the game's fanbase community who loved to perpetuate their head-canons and "fan lies".

I swore to myself that I would get to the TRUTH behind Guilty Gear's story... as the honest, humble, naive gamer that I was.  This was before I learned of Ed Chang's GameFAQs guides or anything else that had ever been written.

--But, I guess that's not the Truth you're looking for.

The truth is, around May 2012 when I first created my Blog, while I had some experience translating and consulting with friends on the accuracy of translation for the Night of Knives Drama CDs and working on a script for GG Judgement, I was never the first person to call myself "Lore Expert" or Lore Master", or anything of the sort.

It was other people who called me this, don't ask me why, they just did.  I adopted the idea of being a "Lore Expert" mainly as a beacon to help anyone looking to know about Guilty Gear to find it... it wasn't out of some twisted means to brag about what I knew, or to say I'm a Know-it-All, or that I'm hording knowledge over others.

My sole intention was to share information on Guilty Gear.  Nothing more, nothing less.

This was not out of some twisted desire to spin my own "narrative" on GG.  Even with regard to obscure character backgrounds like that of Raven's, the story left a ton of hints to peripheral information that one only need look up on the internet to learn more about, like Raven's connection to the Original Crusades.

And even if you left out the peripheral tidbits, much less side story content, the overall narrative of GG remains unchanged.  Even the recent Manga released by Sumeragi contains enough bare-bones information for anyone to pick up on the story.  Whether you want to learn more, that's entirely up to you as a fan.

--But, I guess that's not the Truth you want to hear.

The truth is, I grew very TIRED of the abuse I had received from the community.  Anonymous potshots on Twitter, reflexive insults with no willingness to communicate, "Kill Yourself" death threats, disassociations, and endless rumors about the "twisted villainous icon" of whom I supposedly was, constantly discrediting me.

No one knew who I really am, not as a person, not as an individual.  Nor did they care about my feelings or true intentions.

As a result of my depression and anxiety from all this, I went completely off-grid for several days, nearly a week.

I needed time to re-evaluate myself, my motivations towards this game series, along with trying to come to terms with a fanbase that has somehow been gripped by endless fear, suspicion, blind hatred, and in particular, selfish SPITE.

People who consume and beg for roster characters without giving back to the community, while constantly demanding unreasonable perfection on the developers; people who criticize translations and translators without even trying to sympathize or understand how hard the work is themselves; people who have the talent but not the willingness to share their knowledge or content in other languages besides their native country; people who project their own agendas and perpetuate false rumors of others, heartless and hateful, setting traps for every good intention.

In truth, I cried myself to sleep over the anxiety and fear of having to face such a community ever again.  

I lamented my fear, questioned myself, consulted with family and even God himself, and took some time away from one of the few things that I had once and still held very dear to me.

Perhaps because of the fact I had at least one person, a family member, a neighbor, in my corner to speak with... while I felt so miserable it would have broken me, I was given some pieces of wisdom:

"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." --Jesus, the Christ (John 15:18, the Bible)

"The Truth is only as big as those willing to believe in it." --Frau (07 Ghost Children)

"Death is not a choice. Death is giving up.  I choose to live, slowly and painfully. At least for now."  --"That Man" (Asuka R. Kreutz to Baiken)

----But, if, after all of this, if this wasn't the Truth you were looking for from me, then perhaps the truth you seek relates to how you perceive and interpret it.  

My inbox is still open, and I will continue to discuss and analyze GG Lore (even with my limited knowledge) as a fan, as someone who has and will continue to love this game series... But I am still a living, vulnerable, Human Being.

If you cannot acknowledge that Truth or Respect it, do not expect me to acknowledge the "truth" as you "view" it.

To Regular Readers/Followers: I'm still on Hiatus, so give me some time to recover. Thanks for always supporting/understanding! You mean the world to me.