#but i didn’t get the sshrc grant
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i have got to do something about my inferiority complex. it honestly just feels like i am never good enough and am always an afterthought. idk whatever fuck this fuck life fuck it all
#why do i feel so inferior to my arcl friends just because im not going to the max planck institute or getting an MSc#i’m really happy for them and it’s well deserved but sometimes it just honestly feels like i don’t matter and no one cares about me the way#they care about the other students in my cohort#and it sucks so bad that i feel this way#because i got into the program i wanted and the school gave me a scholarship#but i didn’t get the sshrc grant#honestly ever since that rejection i’ve felt sooo less than everyone else that came out of that lab#and now finding out that my former supervisor tapes every card from the one going to mpi to the fridge in one of the labs#it genuinely just feels like well fuck me and all of my efforts#it’s this residual ‘afterthought’ feeling that was extremely present during my undergrad thesis#it just feels like all my life i have always been the afterthought#and for once i’d like to be not that#i want to be the best at something too not just always the work horse#i’ve done so much for others and no one cares#when i compare my cv to others it’s just feels like a big fuck you#even tho obviously it’s not a fair comparison at all#given the familiar responsibilities i have and how that directly influences my entire life#//
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