#but i did pretty much just eyeball the sprites on my phone

[maxaroniiiii]

it's them!!

[quatschmachen]

Bitchumen

A nice heartwarming sort of xmas fic. Phone call takes place in 2000, the xmas in 1999.

Edward rants to someone about something.

XXX “Right, like you can actually understand what’s going on.” The sarcasm dripped thick like bitumen from Edward’s tongue, the sticky anger clinging to every surface.“You treating me with the polite decency of a stranger doesn’t actually make you a good person, Calvin – it doesn’t even make you a friend.”

Blowing a breath out, Edward rubbed his face, his shoulders stuck between wanting to spike up in stiff defense or simply drop down in defeat.

“Which is why you get the couch,” here his arms crossed, brooking no argument, “I don’t even know why you thought it was going to be fine just showing up, months after being an asshole thinking I would even put you up. I just know Edith would have you out on your ass, and honestly you’re lucky you got me when I was even in town. Hold on… Mr. Big Shot, you have enough money to get a fucking hotel room, why the shit am I even considering you to stay here with me? Why the hell am I not throwing you out on your ass?”

Another breath out, and Edward sighed, “No, this won’t do.”

With a slump, he plopped onto the couch, and glanced around his small living room, wondering why the hell he was even practicing this as a conversation. Calvin hadn’t dropped by in months. It wasn’t like he was going to any time soon. The lines had been clearly drawn, and even an entitled oil cowboy wasn’t going to pretend everything hadn’t changed.Apparently the weeks off were just giving him time to go crazy. Usually this would be the time he would jet off to Montreal, but instead he was stuck in his house losing it. He was worried if he showed up on Étienne’s doorstep he would just start crying. Definitely not a thing to do.

His thoughts were disrupted as the telephone began to ring. With a sigh, he rolled off the couch and grabbed it. “Hello?”

“Eddy!” Étienne’s voice rang out through the phone and wrapped around him like a warm hug.

“’Tienne,” Edward breathed out, automatically relaxing, he flomped down into the seat beside the telephone.

“I’ve been calling for weeks and thought you had died,” he joked, but the edge of worry was still there.

“Sort of had.” Edward murmured, “Actually I sort of moved out, I guess. Mac came down in January and I ended up moving north with him and picked up a hitch. Just got off and am laying around at home too dead to do anything.”

“Hitch?”

“Uhm working in the oil patch. Living at camp, pretty much isolated from the world…”

“Surrounded by big burly men? You could have at least sent me a postcard, Eddy,” Étienne teased, but there was an underlying tone Edward had difficulty deciphering, “I was thinking if it was my turn to come pull you out of the swamp of misery.”

“I guess I could have but… to be honest it all sort of just happened?” Edward sighed, “And once I was up in Fort Mac, and then out working, it’s difficult to really communicate. Just work till you drop, then into the camp to exercise or watch porn.”

“What? They actually supply porn?”

“And sometimes even prostitutes, but that’s apparently not truly allowed…” Edward paused, “but unfortunately no prostitutes were of interest to me.”

“How unfortunate. I was up to my eyeballs with inconvenient work,” Étienne paused, “Christmas was about the same as always, Suzette passes along her best wishes. The food was divine, and I ended up losing an arm-wrestling match to Élyse.”

Edward laughed, “What were the stakes?”

“Hmmm, well she got to eat my slice of cake; it was some terrible cake Samuel had made – yes I know, please believe me when I say he made this cake. Truly no real artisan of food would have produced something as terrible as that cake. I think it ostensibly was supposed to be a fruit cake – with a thick layer of chalky marzipan on top. Somehow he managed to over-alcohol a cake while having it be dry at the same time. I was ready to submit it to the Guinness Book of Records…”

“So why was Élyse battling you for your slice?”

“You see, I may have already had a fight or two with Samuel – he has some new boytoy, and he was being so insipid and sickly about it, I may have been ready to fight over any little thing. Élyse figured if I got rid of the slice via arm wrestling it could possibly save Christmas or something. Yadda yadda. Apparently no one seems to enjoy the Christmases when Samuel breaks down in angry tears and yells for an hour – not sure why when I find that sooooooo entertaining.”

“God I wish I was there for that… seeing Samuel’s face as if he was punched when he tries to cry elegantly is so therapeutic…” Edward murmured, “I feel like my Christmas was just me being the crying one.”

“Crying? What happened, Édouard?”

Squiggling in his seat, Edward wondered how much he should tell. A part of him wanted to spill it all, but another part wondered if that would be too much of an inconvenience. How much of his stupid worries did Étienne really want? Closing his eyes, Edward pretended they were in the same room together, maybe even touching, head on Étienne’s shoulder, not necessarily looking at the man, but bodies snuggled up, his hair getting played with. Those small stolen moments of bliss, where the worries got spilled, and he didn’t worry about the consequences.

“Christmas was so awkward; I don’t even know where to begin. The entire time I desperately wished I had gone to yours… it felt like the last time I try to be a functional person among them… hell, I only went because I thought maybe I could improve relations with people… start the new millennium off with some hope about the future.”

It really had been terrible. They had held it at the ranch – Bert’s ranch. Why the hell did he think hanging out with people at the ranch would be a good idea? Surrounded by people you probably should know better, but in reality only held passing pleasantries with. The one bright spot had been Calvin. Calvin who seemed to be best buddies with everyone who arrived, Calvin who smiled brightly at him and argued with him, distracting him from the knot of anxiety he was harbouring over whether he should come out during Christmas or hold off until New Years?

He was attempting small talk with Jo, who was talking at him about how they should go shopping together (did she not do other stuff?), when he overheard Bert loudly say “I personally don’t think those fags should be given the deal.”

It felt like time had slowed down for Edward. No one seemed to pause or care. Orson in fact nodded along with Bert’s rant, sipping his Sprite. Jo continued on with her plans for her next visit, and somewhere nearby Red laughed at a joke Madeline made. As he observed the room to see if there was any reaction to Bert’s loud rant, everyone was involved in their own conversations. Calvin was in the distance deep in conversation with someone he could not quite make out. 

Right, this was not the place. He still wanted turkey dinner, and as he dimly nodded along to Jo, Edward felt small. He had no allies here. Well, that wasn’t true. He was sure Edith supported him, but one in how many? Edward didn’t want to ‘ruin Christmas’.

“And you know how I’ve been thinking about coming out and stuff, but uh, can I just say no? If you were in the room you would understand – seriously Étienne, these people who claim to be my so called family would just as well lynch me as their Christmas bonfire – I dunno they could just douse me in bitumen and light me up human torch Christian martyr style for bringing the faggotry home for Christmas… Soooo I didn’t want to ruin Christmas and make the event awkward for everyone,” Edward related over the phone.

“And then horror of horrors, Orson managed to corner me in what he thinks is jovial conversation. It felt like everything he had to say to me was condescension masked in care and concern – honestly I am not sure how he even manages that. I think he felt like it was his civic duty to carry on a conversation with me. He even reminisced about the temple open house he dragged me to. Ok honestly I went to the open house out of curiosity, to see what sort of cult he’s in, but I didn’t think he would already be reminiscing about something that had literally JUST happened. Temple? Yeah, a Mormon temple just opened up in my city… so it meant I had the pleassssuuure of Orson coming up for the Open House and dragging me along. Stay with me? God no, please ‘Tienne I’m not that insane, what would I do if he snooped and found my big old dildo? Yeah he was staying with some church people since he was volunteering and such.”

“I think I wanted to die when he sat down at the piano – yeah, I didn’t even think Bert ever tuned that thing, but knowing Orson maybe he came extra early to tune it, and began banging out the Christmas carols. Like he’s talented and all, and I don’t mind a round of Jingle Bells, but he really has this creepy 1950s vibe and I wanted to roll my eyes when his eyes started to shine with unshed tears at Away in a Manger and O Holy Night.” Edward twisted the cord around his finger, as he listened to Étienne chuckle. Apparently the tactic was avoid talking about himself and instead rant about goody-two-shoes Orson? “You should count yourself lucky you don’t have to deal with him on a regular basis… mmm? Yeah he is kind, considerate and is literally the guy to volunteer for the worst tasks but there is something about him where he is a little too perfect? Like somehow can’t let my hair down around him type of deal. Which makes him perfect for Lilith – as she always has her hair up, haha.”

Edward had relaxed into his seat, somehow feeling lighter, as the words slipped out, “And then New Years was somehow worse… no I wasn’t at the ranch. I probably should have taken you up on your fireworks show, because the one here is uh Edmonton grade. You know – trying real hard but still somehow failing to miss the mark,” he chuckled at his own joke, not picking up on the strained tension from Étienne over the phone. “Calvin came up, which surprised me since I assumed he would want to be gallivanting about in Calgary, but apparently he wanted to spend it with his best buddy which is me? Somehow? Don’t worry Teddy, you’re still my best friend…” Edwards voice lowered, as he realized what he was about to say, admit. Pause. “So how was your New Years? Aahh why are you yelling – oh you’re saying I didn’t mention why New Years sucked? It’s because it wasn’t with you, darlin’.”

Somehow Edward couldn’t do it. Couldn’t quite bring himself around to admitting he had come out to Calvin. How he had fallen into a depression when he got outright rejected. “Hmm? Well, how else can I put it… while I could have been kissing you and sucking your cock, I instead got to hold Calvin’s hair back as he literally puked in my poinsettias… yes… mmhmm. The poor plant didn’t make it.”

Tangling his finger in the phone cord, Edward found himself relaxing as Étienne told him about his New Years event, feeling like he had dodged a bullet. The other man’s voice soothing him. Trying to be home for Christmas and the New Years - attempt to enter the new millennium as a man of his own place, had been a major mistake.

He should have kept to his original plans of escaping to Montreal, escaping his own clay dirt to mold himself into his own dream man.Sometimes he wondered if he loved Étienne or simply wanted to be Étienne. A complicated mixture of feelings confusing him ever more when it came to that man.

“Visit? I would love to visit… oh wait, you want to come visit me? When? Hmm let me… check my calendar.” Edward sat up, looking around, and then picked up the phone, carefully picking his way into the kitchen, so he could squint at the calendar. His telephone cord ran out though, so he had to do an awkward strain, trying not to unplug the phone, while seeing his own scribbled-in life.

Well… the only thing really was his work shifts. Everything else a blank. “How does this time work? You’re booked up. Alright…” Edward and Étienne haggled over dates, until somehow, it lined up that Edward was going to Montreal. A subtle shift, but as Edward said with some practicality – that’s just how it lined up. As he hung up the phone, he wrote down the date of his trip, feeling better. Now in between work was a small bright spot, one small thing to look forward to.He was not as friendless as he thought, and, perhaps with enough courage, he could finish his New Years story.        

[beboldbebold]

Happy Birthday Pocket Mirror!!!! Thanks so much to everyone who took time to play the game and support the crew over this past year!!! Every single play means so much to me, and everyone on the team as well!!! I’m gonna reminisce and get mushy under the cut, so be warned!!!

I say this all the time and I’m sure people have gotten tired of seeing it typed out but I!!! am! so! thankful!!! I’m thankful to have gotten the chance to draw art for Pocket Mirror! And even more so now that I get to be a part of Astral Shift and work on Little Goody Two Shoes!!

If you’ve been following me for a bit, you know that I’ve always loved spooky pixel games! And it has always been my dream to make one of my own! So when Kira sent me a message in October of 2013 (yikes!!! talk about time flying!!!) and asked if I wanted to join Pocket Mirror I about lost my mind!!! I felt like the message was honestly too good to be true? I actually got up from my desk and did jumping jacks I was so excited hahahahaha But I immediately agreed!!! and even though I knew there was a chance it might not bear fruit, the idea of being able to draw at least some art for the type of game I love was enough for me! I honestly have the dA message screen-capped on my phone so I can go back and look at it for good feelings and good mems!

This also kinda shows you that if you want to put a project together, you definitely have to get out there and just ask!!! Now, the PM group did already have a pretty lookin’ Tumblr with some info about the game in their favor, (though remember, PM was very mysterious and revealed little about its plot during the entire development process) but asking is always the first step to someone agreeing!! I’m sure there’s another artist out there who would do excited jumping jacks just to get invited to your project too!!!

I don’t think I really had confidence in my art until i joined the Pocket Mirror team. I drew because it was fun! And it was something to do! But I didn’t really feel like my art had anywhere to go! And I definitely didn’t feel like I was in a place art-wise where my drawings would fit into a game!!! Did I deserve the honor!??!?!! I didn’t really know! A spooky rpgmaker game, again, was like the pinnacle of success for me? It was the goal!!! An untouchable, unreachable goal!!!!! So while I still drew art in the beginning stages of the game and was really excited to do it, I still felt unsure the entire way hahahahaha It was probably around the time Harpae’s theater got put together that I felt like I had really changed and was more confident in what I could do! And here is when I felt like I definitely deserved to be there! and apart of the game development!!!

Seeing the theaters move though? I still get weepy!!! PM challenged me to draw stuff I wasn’t used to drawing! It really got me out of my comfort zone, while still letting me draw cute girls hahahhaha I think part of the reason people sometimes call my style “unique” is because of the ways I come up with to get out of drawing things I don’t know how to draw? I have my clever ways heh heh heh Anyway! I was able to do so much with my art that I probably never would have tried on my own! Without PM, I probably would be drawing the same spooky girls with spooky hands over and over again! I might not ever of had the chance to see my art move around in a theater/pv? I feel like it’s very easy for me to envision that I probably NEVER would have gotten to see the thing. And very easy for me to think I NEVER would have gotten to draw my own rpgmaker map!!! and make sprites for it!!! School easily drained me of all my free time I would have needed to begin those things on my own! To have learned programs on my own!!! PM was not just something that pushed me, but was a lil bit of a crutch to get into things easier too hahaha

The theaters and the Jes Map were a really rewarding experience for me! And I’m so thankful I had the chance to draw art for them!! Like too thankful...probably obsessed thankful with how much I’ve show them off irl!!! i am so hashtag blessed!!!!!!!!! and I’ll scream about these things any day and any time you remind me!!!!!!

But more important than thankful, I felt really proud of myself seeing my art in-game! The kinda house I grew up in wasn’t a very artsy place and other things were definitely valued more. So art wasn’t really something to feel proud about? Just a fun lil hobby to “waste” time! I had to work up to that pride feeling over time! Fast forward some time and PM’s release is probably my second proudest moment in my dang life!!! That’s pretty crazy but If I try to think about everything I’ve ever done? It doesn’t really compare for me. I’M JUST SO THANKFUL I HAD THE CHANCE TO DRAW ART FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL PROJECT!!! I honestly had one of the easiest jobs on the crew, but I still value the game!! As my baby too!!! The baby I love with my whole heart!!! I’ve never worked so hard at art for any reason in my life until PM!!! So it is so important to me I would fist fight someone over it! And I would win because my love of PM is the source of my muscles and power!

My art has sure changed a lot since I first joined the project in 2013! Yikes!!

I can’t really express how excited I was when I got invited to be apart of PM, but imagine literal screaming for 400 days. And then multiply that excitement by 500 when I got invited to join Astral Shift officially. And then multiply that number by 1000 and that’s how many days I screamed when i was finally able to read players’ comments about Pocket Mirror when it was released.

People’s reaction to Pocket Mirror definitely blew everyone in the group away! tbh some days it doesnt even feel real?? My dream!!!! And I’ll never forget checking for new Let’s Plays every single night to see what people had to say!! I got teary eyed sometimes!!! Happy teary eyed!!! Seeing a comment about one of the theaters always sent me out of my chair shrieking!!! And jumping of course!!! All the comments and support I’ve gotten on tumblr, twitter, dA, or even youtube because of PM have all been my motivation for drawing! I don’t always have a lot of free time because of school, but it is something i make time for. Because I want to get better! And draw more interesting pieces for everyone that’s supported me over time! I think it would be great if people were able to say “oh yeah! That jes girl? I followed her since she was drawing art for X!”

It wasn’t just confidence and endless screaming I got from Pocket Mirror, but i was able to meet so many new people!!! New buddies! and so many insanely talented creators!!! I’d honestly been living in my own little bubble? I definitely feel like PM and mostly Kira took a needle to it hahahaha Add this on to the list of 1000 reasons Im eternally thankful for Astral Shift!

My style has changed a whole bunch since Pocket Mirror, and it’s changing again now that Little Goody Two Shoes is in the works, but I hope everyone will still keep up with me! To the people who have followed me since Sound Horizon times, Thank you!!! To the people who have been with me since spooky Mad Father/Witch’s House fanart, Thank you! To the people who have joined me after Pocket Mirror, Thank you!!!! To people who joined me at some other time, Thank you guys too!!!! Thanks to everyone for taking time to look at my art!!! And thanks so much for everyone who took time to experience Pocket Mirror!!! My art would never have moved forward without all your eyeballs!!!!! Please look forward to even prettier pictures, because I’m gonna keep working hard!!! ^O^