#but i couldnt find it and figured id just. grab it for myself <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[tiredseverin]

Drunk History UK — S1E5

[w1f1n1ghtm4r3]

followup fun facts about together, to that promised aquarium

this is gonna be just kinda a disorganized post of random things so uh. dont mind that.

the event title is actually a double reference ^^ its both a callback to 1dt with 1c promising to find time to do things as friends despite getting busier (even if theres no ichika this time), and also a reference to harusakis first kizuna!

colopale you still havent given us that aquarium they said theyd go to. theres a reason i had to do it myself. the fact that theres not an aquarium event in general is a crime tbh i know theres some romantic connotations with a pair going to an aquarium but theres very easy solutions to avoiding that? sending a group of 3+ characters together, having them run into other characters while there, inviting someone else along (even if they cant go, it helps make it feel more like a friend thing i think). i did a bit of the latter two, as you mightve noticed! in general though its just SUCH an obviously fun event theme i cant beleive we havent had one yet

while i am a known harusaki shipper, i kept the story pretty light on the stuff that could be read as explicitly shippy, since when im trying to make fake events, i like to think about how itd work in canon, which means keeping it low on explicit ship content. plenty of stuff that could be taken as ship food (as id like it to be!) but nothing that would alienate non shippers from enjoying the story too.

i actually didnt write shizukasas presence as intended for ship content at all though, but im definitely okay with people taking it that way lol they can be on a date too if you want them to be. my plan with them was simply theyre childhood friends too but dont get to spend time together that often anymore -> their schedules line up with a free day and tsukasa heard about the aquarium from saki, decides to invite shizuku to go there with him as a part of hanging out together -> surprise encounter with harusaki!

also both of them were scoring quite high on the form when i decided to lock in the lineup (tsukasa was absolutely sweeping the 2* category, and while shizuku wasnt winning anything, she was a pretty popular choice) and theyre very easy to work into a story together and also into a story that is focused on harusaki (╯▽╰ ) the benefits of siblings and unitmates

(tsukasa 2* poll sweep at the time of me solidifying my lineup)

the event and gacha names actually both came to me one night while i was about to fall asleep. struck by inspiration so strong i had to grab my phone and write them down in my notes app. and they actually worked very well! also heres the transparents of the logos if you want them i guess

the card/skill/costume names also mostly came to me in similar ways, in the last couple nights before i finished everything. i think only saki, luka, and shizukus skills didnt come to me that way.

while the rui fish in tsukasa card might be obvious, theres actually more animals referencing other characters too! theres a group of three fish in sakis card that are the colors of the rest of leoni, the sneakiest of the bunch, and also not quite as sneaky but maybe not as obvious as the rui fish is the airi and minori sea slugs :)

i did think about giving tsukasa fish to be emu and nene too, but that many differently colored fish in a 2* seemed like too much, so i didnt do it... at least of the units involved, 2/3 of them are fully represented in some way!

and now most importantly probably, is that this is in fact my second pass at an aquarium event! the original one i started back in 2022 and......... i think you guys can figure out why i couldnt just reuse it when i decided to go for making an aquarium event again this time.

yep, youre seeing that right. 4/5 of the characters i chose are the same as what ended up being 1dt, all i got wrong was the vs. thats pretty crazy, honestly. im still not fully convinced colopale isnt just stealing my ideas after val3 happened too /j

it was also saki focus actually! i had written out a rough idea for the story back then too, and while theres some similarities to the current one, it obviously went through a lot of changes when revising the lineup and also with everything that has happened in the story over the past two years. it was definitely a bit more explicitly shippy than my new attempt, although i still tried to keep the shipping stuff toned back somewhat

i only ever made one card for that set though, just lukas 2*... but thats the original reason i made the old 2* backgrounds! its always those fake events throwing me into the graphic design trenches (fist shake) i had been trying to do a more canon-accurate style to......... mixed success. its not terrible, but i definitely could not have done the full set like this. theres a reason i did promised aquarium in my own style!

the original theme for the set was kind of like..... performers at an aquarium? along with living water sculptures of animals. it was a fun idea, but i think i was much better suited to doing the underwater scenes of promised aquarium and also we have plenty of performance themed trained sets already ^^

considering i also technically kept her from the original set (plus she was also winning the vs poll), i gave her a higher rarity card this time around for fun. and also because i knew none of shizuku tsukasa or luka would have super significant roles in the story, and i thought it would be fun to design a lim hairstyle for her!

one final random fun fact: the thing that kicked me into gear making promised aquarium was the fact that haruka wasnt on beautiful sound. i was just a little mad that they had an underwater set WITH A PENGUIN COSTUME and there was no haruka. sometimes petty beef brings out my craziest motivations and then i proceeded to spend the better part of a month planning and making it happen.

[voidselfshipp]

The Copper Wars

Chapter 3

Tw:MC gets triggered.

By the time it was night jerico had finished the blueprints for his New invention.

A thirty feet tall robot, called The Forge, he couldnt wait to make It,but first he should change,and Grab something to eat,maybe even go to town and see whats up.

He took a quick shower,and changed,walking to the kitchen with his cats following behind him

--Hey guys whats up--jeri said non chalantly.

The mercs couldnt help but stare, he was wearing tight black pants,a dark green sweater, his hair tied in a bun while some stands fell loosely on his face.

--We uh...we were just about to eat-- engie mustered up, Serving the food.

--Nice, oh also! Ill go into town, anybody wanna come with me?

The men , except for pyro,soldier and heavy looked at eachother,before an argument broke out about who should accompany him.

--ya should let me go!, im super fun to be around!

--What ye goen ta get is this little shite talking yer ears off-Demo said drinking from his beer.

--Oh yeah? Well ya cant even stay still!youre drunk off ya ass!

--Id offer myself,I could use a break from workin'

--Ja!so would I!

--I zhink I could use some fresh air zoo

Jer stood there thinking--What if all of Us go?we could also use it to know eachother.

The mercs look at eachothern,and with grumpy looks they nodd.

And so, after eating off they went to town.

When they arrived the place was absolutely bustling with life,in the main plaza there was music playing, and jerico really wanted to dance!

The tune was so catchy!, and it reminded him of how much he and his dad would dance.

He took a quick look to his companions,but he could tell nobody was onboard.

So he just,stands there, pouting and his arms crossed.

Until a hand softly poses on his shoulder,he looks at engie who smiles and lends out his gloved hand.

Jer suddenly smiles, a huge smile on his face as he takes It.

The rest couldnt help but feel their chest warm up,he had a beautiful smile.

The music changes to a more softer one,and engie sweats bullets as jeri puts his arms around his neck.

--oh shit sorry i--

--No no,its alright uh aint used to dance with a Man thats all

--Theres always a first time,though if you want you can go back with the rest

--Its alright...this...this is fine

Both danced slowly,hesitant and unsure,but eventually they warmed up,and absolutely Killed it!.

Jerico was having so much fun.

Suddenly the texan Man dips him in, and he hugs his neck as jeri feels hes going to fall.

Engineers arms hug his waist,and with red cheeks they got back on their feet.

The texan knew hed get teased by scout, but seeing his companion happy made him feel giggly like a schoolgirl.

While walking through the local feria,jer fidgeted as he saw the stalls,so Many Many pretty things!.

He ran around, scout following him as he also got excited by all the things people sold.

--anyzhing Catching your interest?--spy sneaked behind the New merc, his french accent made a shiver run down his spine.

--Beejeezus!you scared me!

--my most sincere apologies,but please answer

Jeri just shrugged--Nothing really I mean they are pretty but,nothings like...'wow I want to buy that',besides you dont need to get me anything

--Consider it a welcome gift,if you need anyzhing or change your mind,let me know,our revoir

And the frenchman left.

While the rest were exploring,jeri sat on the empty stage, he then saw a Man,struggling to get his kid to calm down, the same Man was trying to play something on his guitar to no avail.

So he approached the dad, and asked if he needed help.

--You can try

Unaware of his team watching him, he sat on the floor with the kid,And softly played the guitar.

Jeri smiled,the kid mumbled things in what could be understood as spanish, and an idea appeared on his face.

--Hoy voy a hablarte

De mis héroes, que me vieron crecer

Desde el león que se hizo rey

Hasta la princesa que rompió la ley--He sang,gaining the kids attention--

Si me preguntas a mí

De ellos aprendí

Que hay personas por las que vale la pena derretirse

Que todo es posible, incluso lo imposible

Las virtudes a veces están bajo la suficiente

La belleza esta en el interior

Recuérdame aunque te diga adiós

Debo dejar de ser algo que no soy

Llorar me tranquiliza los problemas de la vida

Elimina de tu vida si elimina tu sonrisa

Hay una lágrima por cada risa

Eres más valiente de lo que crees

Porque tenemos que crecer

La segunda estrella a la derecha todo recto hasta el amanecer

Aférrate a aquello que te hace diferente

Si esperas el momento oportuno, era ese

Ohana significa familia, familia estar juntos siempre

Que tu alma libre esté

Que nunca es tarde para ser joven--his team had Walked closer.

The kid slowly calmed down as he sang, and quietly joining him.

Jer had a huge smile on his face,pouring his heart and soul as he sang with the kid who did the same,enjoying the music-- Boo

Sigue nadando

Sigue nadando

Quiero ser cómo, tú

Hakuna matata

Vive y deja vi bibidibabidibu

Hay un amigo en mí

Tan blandito que me quiero morir

De ellos aprendí!

Both ended their singing and the kid started to giggle and laugh, jerico gave the Man back his guitar and watched them walk away, with a warm feeling on his chest.

--recruit is good with little kids--heavy said.

--back in my home I had a lot of siblings,you end up learning I guess

And they spend the rest of the night enjoying the town.

Once back at his bedroom, just as hes about to sleep, he notices a pacage on his desk.

How...how did that get in here?

He got out of bed and Turned on the desk lamp.

--Que carajo...?--(what The fuck?),he then opened the small box to find a beautiful book,with carved details,painted gold.

'Since you too design things I figured this would suit you best.

Spy'

Said the note on the wrapper of the box.

He smiled and left it there,already too tired.

He then when back to bed, and fell asleep with his cats on his chest.

The morning sun filtered through the old blinds,jer hears his alarm go off,smacking the button of his alarm with a groan.

Suddenly he jumps as loud noises and shouts reached his room.

--la re puta madre!--he cursed sitting Straight,vica stands on their two back feet and with his front paws Cling to his unbuttoned shirt.

Jer picks them up,as illa jumps on his shoulder,and he walks to the source of the noise.

--Can I know what the fuck is going on?--Jerico asked,grumpy and a bit anxious.

--zhis idiot tried to Cook a pie,and somehow left zhe fork inside of it--medic said looking at scout.

Suddenly, scout screamed at the top of his lungs to defend himself,with a stupid argument.

Jer jumps back and hugs his cat, who purss and licks his hand.

His breath hitched as hes barely able to say--scout shut up!

His broken voice is enough to make the whole Room shut up and look at him.

--leetle Man feels bad,whats up?‐-heavy tried to Grab his shoulder but jeri stepped away.

--Scout give him a glass of vater-medic approached jerico softly, guiding Him to sit on the table--...how jou feeling now?

The New merc drinks the glass of water as he brokenly tries to steady his breath.

Vica sits on his lap,and illa jumps on the table, purring into the hand thats holding his head.

--I...I think im alright--jeri straightened his back--sorry,shouting And and loud noises make me anxious, try and Keep it quiet for now please?

--Ja, Ve'll zry, oh, by zhe vay,breakfasts ready

Engenieer was so kind to make the New merc breakfast with some home made applepie(without the fork inside of it)

Jerico Drank his tea, while his carts sat besides him curled up in a ball.

--So,jerico right?--engie said

--Yeah,whats up?

--Why dontcha tell Us about yourself huh?

Jers hand buttonned Up his shirt as he finally realized he was still in his pjs.

--Well,i moved in with my dad when I was a teen,worked in a bakery--scout chuckled condecenfingly--wich means I can make better pies than scout,and I Will not leave a fork inside of it,a part time artist, when I was like....twenty I did my phd in Steam powered engenieering,and when I could id go learn blacksmithing in one of my dads Friends house,nothing much

--nothin freaking much?!--scout said surprised-- you learnt blacksmithing and you think thats nothing much?

Jeri laughed snorting--well yeah blacksmithing is pretty cool

The Bostonian boy sunk in his chair and hid his face with his cap, as his cheeks Turned Pink.

--Oh and engie,I have the blueprints done,we can get to work in the wiring after this

--Alrighty then!

The rest of the breakfast was spent in quiet chatter, and jerico went to take a shower, closing the courtain.

The warn water hit his body and his shoulders and back relaxed.

He stretched his neck and washed his hair.

After the bath, he changed and went to Grab the blueprints and the notes he'd made in the notebook spy gave him.

He Walked to the door of his room,feeling excited to make this proyect of his into reality.

[theyrealllegends]

Careful (Roger Taylor x Reader)

Chapter Summary: You’re not the only one who’s developing feelings but Roger is too, trying to have you close to him at first, but then he’s trying to forget you over way too much scotch. This is how both of you get sick and he takes care of you again. 

Author’s Note: It’s Roger’s POV in this chapter, yeeet! (Please don’t @ me I can’t tell you why and if you don’t like it I’ll never attempt it again, I promise)

Words: ~2k

Warnings: I’d rate this mature because (and this is a spoiler) someone’s masturbating aaand there’s drinking again and eventually someone has to throw up

Chapter 4

Previous Parts: Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3

I couldn’t fall asleep that night because Tiffany never left my head: her reddish-blonde curls, her incredibly green eyes, her lips for fucks sake - I needed that. I craved being close to her, to feel her, to hear her breath like I’d never wanted anything else. The boys had noticed that I was hitting my drums harder than I usually did while messing up their rhythms and I knew that they knew that something was off but they wouldn’t mention it if I got myself under control before our next gig tomorrow night. I just didn’t see how that was possible, when I was now here, lying awake and only the thought of Tiffany’s voice made my whole stomach feel light, in the best way possible. I had no idea how long I’d been staring in the dark but I was seriously contemplating to go out and either get drunk or find some girl to do whatever it took to distract myself. I just couldn’t let myself think about what I’d do to her if she hadn’t been this innocent little princess I saw, every time I looked at her. Even though only my refusal to think of that was enough to give me a hard one, already. I swallowed hard as I carefully touched myself and I stopped trying to shake the thought of her because I knew I couldn’t while I was masturbating - what would it feel like to bury myself in her body, feel her skinny, yet strong legs wrap around me and see her losing herself in my thrusts. God, I just wanted her to feel as good as she made me feel when I got into the kitchen to a prepared breakfast, when I didn’t feel like a dumbass because she’d make me study and when I managed to make her laugh. I gripped on my own hair at the thought of her laugh, trying to imagine it were her tiny hand and her skinny fingers pulling on the strands while I held back a moan. Tiffany Abberforth was the most precious human being on this planet and I’d have to protect her with my whole life, I knew that for a fact. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“You wanna join me tonight?”, I asked her, when I met her in the kitchen the next morning. Probably I was being selfish to try and get her out of the comfort of our flat, but I wanted her to be closer to me anytime. She was reading some book like the smart girl she was but she put it away as soon as I tried to talk to her. 

“Where are you going?”

“The boys and I have a gig and I thought - since you’re freed now - you might like…?”

“Are you trying to make me drunk two out of three nights in a row?”, she called me out in a joking tune and it made me smile to see her that relaxed. 

“Of course not, but I’d like you around me two out of three nights in a row.” Damn, she had no idea what she did to me when she blushed. She looked down at her hands, seemingly battling herself to a decision. “No pressure, Tiffy, if you’re there, you’re there and if not I’ll still play for you.”

“You know it’s not because I don’t want to hear you play, right, Rog?”

“Do I?”, I asked and leaned my head to the side a little too let her know I wasn’t completely serious. 

“I can’t see myself enjoying your show in a huge crowd at all, it scares me, especially since I wouldn’t know anyone watching you, too and I - “

“You can join us for our rehearsal on Friday, if you prefer that.”

“That’s perfect”, she immediately agreed and I felt great about it. It relieved the thought of being rejected, at least. 

“We can have dinner after, if you’d like.”

“We always have dinner, Rog.”

“No, I mean, you and me - and the boys if we can’t get rid of them - having dinner in a restaurant, if you’d like.” Now I was the one blushing, I feared, as she looked at me in surprise. 

“Yeah, I think I’d like that”, she said after a moment and I smiled at her. 

“Me too, Tiffy.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I knew I shouldn’t really - even though there wasn’t anything exclusive about Tiffany and me, there wasn’t a “we” if it came to anything else than talking about our shared flat situation, but I still felt guilty and like I wasn’t supposed to let all the girls approach me after our gig. 

“Hey there, sweet boy”, one of them purred, “How you doing, love?”, the other one said and “You did so amazing!”, I heard a third one while they really gave me a hard time to move forward, just trying to get to the bar behind Brian. Their hands were all over me and I was glad I didn’t wear something too showing or open, even, and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just felt like it wasn’t fair. I wasn’t looking for anything they had to give me, instead I was trying to figure out which of them reminded me the most of Tiffany, really, and I knew that was just wrong. 

“Thanks, girls, but let me have a drink first, would you?”

Of course I ended up buying the three of them drinks and I hated to admit it, but it was kind of a given that I went outside “to smoke”, only to make out with one of them, finally letting go of the thought of Tiffany’s emerald green eyes. I didn’t enjoy the night at the girl’s place - as if the universe wanted to punish me, really, for drinking myself into a state where I didn’t only forget about the girl’s - or Tiffany’s - name but also about my own, to a state where I didn’t care about anything anymore, trying to find relieve in it. I couldn’t even remember the sex for the love of god, only assuming it was good, by how the girl was cuddled against me, how our clothes were all over the floor. But the mattress woke me up, squeaking and poking into my back, which didn’t make the pain in my head any better. I just stumbled to grab my clothes and left, unable to look back at the girl or respond when she called for me, only heading for the door. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the hole situation getting the best of me, but I didn’t make it really far without throwing up and horribly cursing myself. I’d done dumb things but they didn’t really compare to last night. 

Also, when I got home, there was light in the kitchen. It was an early morning and I knew, Tiffany was one to get up before sunrise but couldn’t that girl let herself get some rest once? She was reaching for the medicine cabinet, when I stepped into the kitchen, feeling her eyes on me and suddenly realising that I could easily be covered in my own vomit, if I was as unlucky as I felt that moment. 

“You need help?”, I asked nonetheless and the worry in her eyes got wilder as she heard my hoarse voice. 

“Where have you been?”

“I couldn’t tell you her name, even if I wanted to and I really shouldn’t have gone”, I tried to explain, unable to lie to her, or stand her quizzing look another second. “I feel sick, man, I had way too much scotch last night.” What would I do next, call her “mate”? This is really a great way to safe your ass out of this situation, seriously, keep going, Taylor, you’re doing great. 

“Makes two of us, though”, Tiffany murmured and stepped away, acknowledging that she was a bit too tiny to reach the pain killers. I reached up, to hand them to her, unable to look her way - mostly because I was really aware of the bad taste in my mouth and I didn’t want her to smell me in the end. 

“What’s wrong, love?”, I still asked, scared that she wasn’t alright. 

“I get sick after every exam period, really and here I am, coming down with a fever.”

“Then, hush, to bed!”, I said, grabbing her to make her move and tug her in, before I could escape into the bathroom. “I’ll make you tea and get you soup, you just stay there, you hear me?”, I rambled in the process of getting her into her bed. I started brushing my teeth, while I went into the kitchen to put some tea water to a boil and looked through the cabinets for soup, realising I’d have to pick some up at the store. That wasn’t half bad in the end, because it forced to make myself look somewhat decent and I could get new cigarettes, cheese and toast at the store too, so I could at least eat some terrible breakfast when I came back to find Tiffany asleep. 

I prepared the soup as it said on the pack and carefully carried it to her night stand, before I sat down next to Tiffany and softly ran my fingers over her face to make her wake up. Her skin was really clean and soft, but it felt hot to a point that I wished I knew a doctor, a better one than myself, for sure. 

“Wake up, sweet girl, you need to get your soup down, so you’ll get better.” She smiled at me weakly and tried to move to a sitting position, so she could cuddle against her bed’s headboard and slowly eat the soup I held for her. I watched her eat in silence while I sat next to her, my legs crossed on her mattress, realising I should turn her heater up for a start. The tea water had gotten cold while I was gone so I reheated it, to finally make the tea she needed and I looked at her in her bed critically, while she sipped it. “Tiffy, do you want me to get you more pillows?”, I asked because it was kind of impossible that I had more pillows than she did, right? She giggled at me and moved her head for me to come closer. 

“Rog, you’re acting like my mom - worse, actually, because she doesn’t consider you sick as long as your bones aren’t broken.”

“But -“

“I just need to rest, don’t worry”, she didn’t let me interrupt her. “You should go, so I don’t infect you.”

“I won’t leave you alone, unless that was your attempt to kick me out.”

“No, it wasn’t”, she explained and I felt relieved. She didn’t seem to be angry at me or the way I’d spent my night and that made me feel a little less sick. 

“Good, then”, I said and slipped under her covers. Her eyes were on me, looking a little shocked, otherwise just intensely focused on me, as I moved towards her to rest her head on one of my arms and spoon her. “You fine, love?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to -“

“But I want to”, I whispered into the back of her neck. 

“Thank you”, she murmured, shifting around a little to get the most comfortable.

“I was worried, when you didn’t come home.”

“I’m so sorry, Tiff”, I told her again, honestly. “I really shouldn’t have gone.”

“Glad you realised that”, she mumbled and it made me chuckle a little. Her breathing became slower and deeper when she feel asleep and I hummed one of the songs, the boys and I were working on, to fasten up the process, until I eventually fell asleep as well. 

Tags

@crazyweirdocalledfriday @discodeakyy @blondecarfucker

Let me know what you guys thought 💕💕

[heycasbutt]

From the Beginning

A/N: This is my first attempt at Dom MGG, requested by @princesswagger15, and also i decided to try my hand at it since my Dom Spence fic was so well received. i was hesitant about this one, but I really honest to God hope you love it as much as I do. This one focuses on ageplay, and it’s more of a Daddy Dom/Little Girl type situation. It was inspired by @dontshootmespence ‘s Long Shot Series-which is amazing and every one of you should check it out. 

Warnings: Daddy Kink, Age Play. No actual sex occurs in this one, but there is some fingering and spanking so don’t say i didn’t warn you. 

Enjoy!!!

You had become enamored with Matthew since he walked into the coffee shop where you worked when you were 16. He came in daily that summer and always ordered the same thing. A large black coffee, and a blueberry scone. By the third day you had his order memorized and had it waiting for him.

It was 2 years before he officially asked you on a date. You had grown close during your encounters at the coffee shop. You’d sit with him during your breaks and talk about classic literature. Chaucer, Jane Austen, Edgar Allen Poe, Ray Bradbury-your personal favorite. Being nearly 18 years your senior, Matthew was hesitant to pursue a relationship with you, and you understood. So you told him to wait till your 18th birthday, then you’d be in the clear. Nothing to worry about. So he did just that. Technically he took you on your first real date the night before your 18th birthday, but he didn’t kiss you until he took you home just after midnight. 3 days later you graduated from high school and he asked you to be his girlfriend to which you wholeheartedly accepted. He took you to dinner again that night and later you made love for the first time in his living room.

At 19, you were moved in with Matthew, content in life, and almost done with your sophomore year of college. Matthew insisted you let him put you through and you vehemently rejected having saved every penny you could since you were 5-in addition to getting a small scholarship that put you through your freshman year. But of course, he couldn’t listen and you found that out when your first bill arrived for your sophomore year and said your semester’s tuition had been paid in full. You called the school wondering who had paid it and the sweet lady on the other line, her name was Tanya told you your husband had done it. You thanked her and hung up the phone, stalking across the house to find the offending figure of Matthew. When you found him, he was sitting in the garden, reading a book, a picnic laid out in front of him.

“What’s this?” You asked coming to sit by him. He just smiled and pulled you close.

“Shemar once told me that it takes about 3-5 business days to fall in love. Anything faster than that is faster than Amazon Prime and that’s just unrealistic. But I knew I loved you from the first day I met you in that coffee shop. I knew that my life had come full circle and was complete when I took you on that first date and kissed you. I knew that I loved you when I watched you graduate and then we made love that night, the first night of many thank God!” Matthew chuckled softly. He produced a small box from his pocket and opened it, revealing a simplistic but gorgeous engagement ring. You gasped softly and before Matthew could even ask you to marry him, you had pinned him to the ground and began kissing him hungrily.

“I take that as a yes?” Matthew laughed and kissed you again sliding the ring on your finger. You nodded with another smile as Matthew stood up and carried you into the house.

You eloped 3 weeks later at a courthouse in Pasadena. Shemar and A.J. were the only ones there to witness the ceremony. Your parents had all but disowned you after finding out you were dating someone nearly old enough to be your father and Matthew’s parents were of the same mindset, not too happy their boy was dating a girl fresh out of high school. But that didn’t stop either of you, You smiled the biggest, dorkiest smile you’d smiled in years when you slid the gold band on Matthew’s finger and officially made him yours.

Now you were 20, a Gubler, and happier than you had been in your whole life. It was quickly approaching your wedding anniversary with Matthew and he was due home any minute. You took extra care to change the bedsheets to the deep burgundy silk ones that Matthew loved. You fluffed all the pillows and covered them in silk pillow cases before placing the large white duvet back on the bed and situating the decorative pillows. You had cleaned every inch of the house, and prepared Matthew’s favorite meal, your grandmother’s lasagna. You still couldn’t legally drink but that didn’t stop Matthew from keeping a few bottles of wine in the house for dinners like these. A red wine you had received as a wedding gift had been chilling in an ice bucket when the lock on the front door sounded and your favorite person in the universe stepped through.

“Hey you,” Matthew muttered against your lips as he kissed you over and over again. He had only been gone a week, but Skyping just wasn’t as good as having the real thing.

You ran your hands through his hair and smiled as his eyes rolled back in pleasure. You peppered kisses along his neck and popped open the top two buttons on his shirt.

“Much better,” You cooed in his ear as he slowly backed you against the wall.

“Dinner will get cold,” You reminded him as you tugged on his hair. His stomach growled loudly and you both laughed rather loudly at the interruption.

“Let’s eat then. I want to talk to you about something,” Matthew said releasing you from his grip. You made your way into the kitchen and spooned up some of the hot food for Matthew and yourself. Pouring you both a glass of wine, you sat at the small kitchen table.

“Alright. Go for it, Matthew,” you smiled as you took a small bite of food.

“So, you know how I’m nearly 18 years older than you?” Matthew smirked taking a sip of wine and leaning back.

“Yes...” You replied tentatively.

“So I was doing some research and reading on the flight home and I thought maybe we could try something in the bedroom,” Matthew looked down shyly and your mind started spinning with all the possibilities.

“What is it?” You asked walking around the table and sitting on his lap. The food long forgotten now.

“I was thinking how sexy it would be if you were my little girl” He kissed your shoulder “And I was your daddy..” Matthew trailed kisses up to your neck and began sucking softly eliciting a delicious moan from deep inside you.

“Oh daddy, I’d love that,” You groaned again, gripping his knee. His hands traveled up to your breasts and kneaded them gently.

“Now, while daddy has been gone, have you been a good girl? Have you touched your sweet little pussy and thought about daddy?” Matthew cooed in your ear. You felt all the blood pool in your nether regions and you thought you were going to explode.

“Yes daddy. Every night. I missed your hard, thick cock thrusting in and out of me making me scream,” You moaned breathlessly. One of Matthew’s hands had made its way up your skirt and he was lazily circling your clit. Your breath hitched in your throat and a low guttural moan came forth.

“Well, the rules are going to change my sweet baby girl,” Matthew said picking you up and carrying you bridal style to the bedroom. You squealed in anticipation of what was to come.

He laid you softly on to the large bed and kissed down to the swell of your breasts.

“God you’re gorgeous,” Matthew moaned as he slid your shirt and bra off, his lips attaching to one peaked nipple. You moaned and knotted your fingers in his delicious locks.

“Let go,” Matthew cautioned as he lightly dragged the tip of his tongue between the valley of your breasts.

“But daddy...” You moaned and bucked your hips against him. He pinned your hips to the bed and got closer, a fire flickered behind his eyes.

“I said. No. You are my sweet little girl and my naughty little slut and you do what daddy tells you to do when daddy tells you to do it. Do I make myself fucking clear?” He growled and nipped at your ear. You groaned as he enveloped your lips in a heated sensual kiss.

“Oh yes,” You groaned in his ear, desperate for any sort of friction between your legs. As quick as the words escaped your lips, Matthew had pulled you upright and grabbed your ass.

“What the fuck did you say?” He whispered low and huskily to you. You knew what would happen if you lied but you took your chances anyways.

“Oh yes,” You repeated more breathily and sensuous than before. Before you could see the reaction on Matthew’s face, a hand came and whacked you on the ass. You squealed and then let out a small moan.

“Do you like that? Do you like when Daddy punishes you for being the naughty girl that you are?” Matthew crooned into your ear, his sex voice always sent pleasurable shivers up your spine.

“Y-Yes Daddy,” A loud moan escaped your lips as Matthew pushed you onto all fours and slid 2 long fingers into your slick center.

“Good girl, you’re so wet. Is that all for Daddy, hmm?” Matthew trailed a finger down your spine, making you shiver. You arched your back into him and grunted in reply.

“I didn’t hear that, girl,” Matthew commanded, slapping your ass again. The sensation sending you face first onto the bed. You were flipped over onto your back and Matthew kissed and nipped along your collarbone as he slid 2 fingers back into you and rubbed your clit with his thumb.

“Yes Daddy, it’s all for you,” You whined softly and reached for Matthew’s head to push him further down your body.

“That’s more like it. Are you going to come for daddy?” Matthew growled in your ear and shoved his fingers deeper inside you. His thumb rubbed feverishly on your clit, you could feel the ecstasy building within you and you cried out in pleasure. Matthew groaned and sucked roughly on your hardened nipple. Your walls clenched around his fingers as you rode out the first waves of your orgasm.

“Oh my fuck, Matthew!” You cried and buried your fingers in his hair. Your orgasm slowly subsided and Matthew tenderly pulled his fingers out of your center. Making eye contact with you, he sucked the remnants of your ecstasy from his fingers.

“You’re such a fucking slut. But, you’re my slut, understand,” Matthew whispered into your ear and then kissed you softly.

“Yes, Daddy,” You nodded with a smile and kissed him again. Pulling away slightly, you pursed your lips in thought, “But, can we make love now? Just as Matthew and Y/N?” You asked innocently, as you scraped your nails up his still clothed chest.

“No,” Matthew said firmly and got up walking into the en suite.

“But-“You called after him.

“Patience my little girl. Good things come to those who wait,” Matthew said coming to stand in the doorway of the bathroom, his shirt hanging open.

The ever elusive ‘They’ always said Patience is a virtue, but tonight, you weren’t feeling like such a virtuous woman.

[eternalstarshineforadarkenedmind]

The day that never happened.

"Grabbing action burger and going back to the house."

You said.

I looked up, you were talking to your friend on the phone. I walked with you, confused because the distance between us felt off.

Like if i put my hand in yours i'd be doing something wrong. You looked at me, "you okay?" I nodded and smiled.

There was no way, i was back here.

We walked inside the restaurant and ordered food. Waited around talking about the games in action burger.

If we'd been dating you would have already challenged me to one of these. But you didn't. We just stood there talking about it. I felt myself yearning to play something with you like i used too. Like I always wanted too.

You were staring at your phone and suddenly I felt myself panic.

Had I just imagined 3 years of my life with you?

Was this 2015? Was I back where I started?

We got our food and i watched you walk out. I was stunned. My heartbeat picking up pace, i reached into my pocket and pulled out...

My fucking slide phone? MY FUCKING SLIDE PHONE?!

I sighed heavily. And followed you out.

The first text messages were to my ex. Who i assumed now is still my boyfriend.

Maybe I should break up with him right now, i trailed behind you. Maybe I should text him that im picking up my shit from his house and tell you everything.

Everything I knew. Everything I felt. Maybe I should just speed up the process.

"I just think its shitty that she felt she couldn't tell me her actual plans. Go back with your ex? Fine, i mean fuck you, but fine. At least tell me."

You were talking about Zel. I quickly changed my thought pattern and agreed with you.

"She never holds herself accountable. Its my least favorite thing about her." I said. And then coughed out, "but she also doesn't realize whats happening. Thats a cage shes locked in, that island you know? And if she gets out, and sees the real world i am positive she'll fall in love with it here. I did. And your the perfect person to show her around."

I swallowed the lump in my throat

You coughed, "if she ever even comes out here."

I smiled against my breaking heart, "she will."

I have to go home to this fucking predator.

I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"I dont want to go upstairs." I said, stopping halfway through the door of the building.

You looked at me "what? Why?" I backed out of the door. And sat on the steps in front of the apartments.

I imagine you stared at the audience for a moment before deciding to come and sit with me outside.

"Everything okay?" You asked and I looked at you. And your short hair and aloof eyes and confused eyebrows and i knew that i wanted to cry so badly but instead i laughed.

I laughed so hard and so full and so painfully bthat im sure your reaction was the same as id imagined itd be had i just started crying right there.

"What?" You asked and i laid my head on my knees and looked out at the street.

"Can we go to the park?"

"But...our food?"

I nodded. "We'll bring it with us. But please, will you go to the park with me?"

You were about to try to convince me otherwise and i sat up and turned towards you.

"I know, im not a person to you. Im just your friends girlfriend and the best friend of a girl you may be in love with. I know that and i respect that. But please, indulge me tonight because its going to be a looooong few years before anything makes sense again, for any of us."

You stared at me for so long and i saw in your face the idea that i might be crazy.

I sighed and stood up. I crinkled my nose and smiled before reaching my hand out to you, "just indulge me."

You sighed. And did not grab my hand. Instead you stood up and we began to walk.

Not a person. Right.

I swallowed the following three lumps in my throat and kept pace with you.

I wondered if you were thinking of ways to turn me down in case i came on to you. I wondered how uncomfortable you were.

I wondered how curious you were.

I wondered if anything i was about to do would make sense.

I wondered why god was so cruel to make me relive this.

"Piece of shit." I whispered.

You reacted but not for me to acknowledge. I was sure you were about to turn around and go home and leave me on that street. But then suddenly we were at the park.

We both stopped before touching the grass. Something about it felt wrong. We both knew what it was but i didnt care. I needed to get to the water to calm down.

I pointed at the rocks i wanted to sit on.

"My anxiety stops there." I said.

"Okay." You responded and began walking. I followed but caught up and kept pace so you wouldn't think i was planning to kill you.

I know how your brain works. Its similar to mine.

We made it to the rocks. I sat.

So did you.

I stared at the city across the water. I felt the breeze and kept trying to inhale.

I felt safe here.

"Ice. Whats up?"

I smiled and looked up, "the sky."

"I...what?" Your voice was confused but still trying to be friendly.

I looked at you again.

But my voice was caught in what to say next so i went back to staring out at the water.

So you spoke,

"I don't think you aren't a person. While yes you are my friends girlfriend and i respect that, i do NOT think your not a person, you're actually the only girl friend i like of his, and the only person who's really believed in who i am as a person."

I smiled. "There's that charm."

Then the tears began.

They just fell and I just stared out into the river.

"Do you want a hug?" You asked.

God i did.

But no.

"No. Im okay," i laughed, i just didn't think i could actually come back to this time."

"What do you mean?"

I looked at you, "you'll call me crazy if i explain."

You chuckled, "i've had my fairshare of crazy. Go ahead."

I sighed because i knew you, and i knew your crazy and who would i be if i dumped all of that on you this soon.

But i couldn't just not say anything. Not now.

I already brought us here.

I found a building to stare at while i made probably the wildest statement to the most logical man i knew.

"What would you say if i told you that 5 years from now we'd be in a global pandemic, and you and i would be quarantined together in a 2 almost 3 year relationship?"

I stared, as hard as i could at one window of that building.

You cleared your throat.

But i spoke, "i know it sounds insane. Like a conspiracy but what if i told you that you wont always be angry at everyone and you won't die on anyones couch because i refused to let you go, even when you were sure we werent good for each other."

You shifted but didnt say anything

"How would you react if i told you that because my current boyfriend is a piece of shit predator and YOU ALWAYS knew this but i dont actually find out until he cheats on me 2 years from now, you took me under your wing and we became more than just friends."

The tears were streaming and i was losing my breath. It was becoming hard to think.

"How...

How unfair is this world that im back where i began. When i finally found you." I said and that was it. I was silently crying into my knees wishing i'd never been born.

I felt you scoot next to me.

"I know i sound crazy. Im sorry." I said and laughed a bit at myself for even trying.

You were silent so i looked up from my knees and at you. I wiped my eyes and saw you staring out at the buildings too.

"I don't know how to answer that." You said.

I nodded, "i dont expect you too."

You looked at me and i wondered if you could see the need in my eyes.

"Was this a dream?"

You asked me that and i laughed, "it was more like a chaotic fairytail but it was you."

"Why me?" You asked and i couldnt help but get that familiar kanye esque feeling from you.

"BECAUSE KANYE," i emphasized, "we fell in love."

I closed my eyes to stop the next flow of tears. You noticed.

You touched my back and said "hey."

I looked at you.

"Then i'll see you in two years."

I smirked, i could tell you were only trying to make me feel better because i probably sounded insane to you. I nodded in agreement. A tear still falling, you removed your hand from my back and wiped it off my cheek.

I wondered if that meant you believed me.

But i could be strong for two years, for you.

" this conversation never happened." I said, pulling out my phone to figure out a way home.

"What conversation."

And then i woke up.

[we-do-recover-together-blog]

so its been a slow start on here but i havent had this tumblr for more then 24 hours still trying to figure out how to use this thing but i figured id tell a little bit about my story, when i was young i used to live with my mom my grandma aunt and uncle, mom was 17 when she had me and well at the least to say she wasnt quiet ready to be a mother then. she was always out with friends and partying and would leave me wit my aunt or uncle. i was very close with my aunt if anything she was the closest thing to a mother figure i had in my life i felt safe with her, the only person i ever felt safe with was her and that still stands to this day shes the only person in the world that never turned her back on me and never gave up on me she always took me out before valentines day to get gifts for my little crushes threw out school i could tell her things i couldnt even tell a best friend or counselor she was my safe haven. But sometimes my uncle would baby sit me and he would do inappropriate things to me and touch me and i was so young and i didnt know it wasnt okay i didnt know wwhat it was at all really until i got older and i was ashamed of it and felt like less of a man and really it took till i was about 21 years old to finally come out and say it of course i was only strong enough to say it to the only person i trusted to keep it a secret i was and still am a little bit ashamed of it and its something i need to work on but back to my story eventually with my mom struggling with addiction herself she would get kicked out of my grandmas sometimes so she would grab me put me in the car and we would just drive around all night i cant tell you how many countless nights i spent in the back of her car sleeping or at some strangers house., well eventually i cant remember how old i was exactly but i guess she just got tired of being the part time mom she was and i remember her bringing me to visit my dad who lived with my other grandma grandpa my uncle and my 2 aunts well we walked in the door and everyone was there in the living room just talking but as soon as they saw us it was like the world stopped and they just stared at us well turns out my mother was going on a vacation for a week with her new boyfriend well it turned out that week turned into weeks and longer with out calls or anything she just took off eventually one day we got a call and its the first time i can remember talking to her since she left and she was in jail she came back into my life sorta kinda just in and out until i was in 7th grade thats when i started t get out of control and full of anger and hate and was very rebellious the typical im gonna do what i want when i want how i was and no one can tell me shit about it getting suspended from school getting into fights you name it that was me i was a jerk of a brother a mean son and a worst nightmare for people i didnt like i wasnt scared of anything weather it was fighting jail or cops for years my mother was asking me to give her another chance and move in with her she was never around or home and she didnt really care what i did so i moved in with my mom and from there i fell into a group of older kids that liked to do drugs and fight and pretty much do any and everything that you shouldnt do and to me it was fun i felt cool and ilike doing whatever i wanted if i got arrested my mom wasnt home to ground me or atleast enforce it so i just continued to do whatever i wanted countless arrests and suspensions from school and the drinking and drugging i didnt realize till my most recent years the older kids were just using me because i wasnt really scared to do or say anything perfect little side kick well eventually my mother found a bowl i hadfor getting high and she kicked me out so i moved back to my home town but with my grandparents they are the sweetest souls i have ever met but they were old school and were not very strict so smoking pot and drinking where completely normal especially in my family i first overdosed when i was 15 years old i took about 70 something sleeping pills that the kids in my town started taking because they were untraceable on a drug and blood test like i said that was just my first overdose and yes it terrified my family but didnt faze me one bit not even a year later when i was 16 i overdosed on pcp started hanging out in a bad neighborhood and doing just about any and every drug available even after watching one of my bestfriends drop to the ground from the pcp just minutes before i did i woke up in a hospital bed still unfazed by it honestly i think a part of my thought it was “cool” and at that point i thought well i over dosed twice and still woke up so nothing can touch me at that point i was so wrapped up in drugs that my emotions were non existing and my thought process was just fuck it.the drinking and drugging just got worse the partying continued the arrests never ended cant think of a night that didnt end in running from the cops when i was 17 i first tried heroin i had a friend that sold it and we would go drink at his house and i found some in the bathroom so i tried it and well at the least to say that was the day my life completely i slowly continued to use it but not to the point where i needed it atleast i thought that shortly after i found out that 2 of my cousins were using heroin to of course i didnt tell them i was until we ended up running into eachother in the ghetto so we all started getting high together hiding in abandon buildings and shooting up heroin at this point smoking crack and shooting up cocaine too, two days in a row i overdoses on heroin and xanax the people i was with ran my pockets when my breathing stopped and threw me on the side of the roadluckly i was found by someone and brought to a hospital still wasnt fazed when i woke up and went home went to sleep woke up the next day and got high again in all of these events i was also in and out of the county jail like it was my second home eventually my family got on my ass so i went to a rehab for 28 days just to get them off my back, first day home i told my grandpa i was going to see a few friends and went right back to getting high the same day i got out of rehab. i started hanging out with this girl i met in rehab second time we hangout i end up overdosing again on heroin and alcohol thats when i found out i had hep C but im sure if my track record doesnt prov to be the same that didnt faze me either right back to using eventually i get arrested and charged with 3rd degree burglary get locked up in the county for two months and it violates my juvenile probation and i get sent to a juvenile prison, i stay there for about 18 months while im there my cousins are hanging out and one of them over doses and my cousin and our “friend” freak out instead of calling an ambulance they clean her up and tuck her under a blanket in the hotel room they were in and they leave her a few days later room service finds the body i find out about a week later and well i think the fact of being in jail and not seeing it with my own eyes just made it hard to believe that the cousin that used to babysit me that grew up with me was gone forever and i never got to say goodbye..and it doesnt stop there maybe two weeks later i get a letter and find out my other cousin killed herself. she just couldnt handle the shame she felt for leaving my one cousin in that hotel room .not gonna really get into details about how i felt after losing both of them because its almost impossible to describe.about a year later i finally get out and i move in with my aunt her fiance and my baby cousin i was on parole so i had expectations to meet like outpatient counseling so about 2 months after being out im doing good staying clean doing good with outpatient and my curfew well i wake up the day after my 21 birthday i wake up to a text that my bestfriend of 18 years is dead and that  pretty much destroyed me and broke me down i started drinking and skipping outpatient or showing up drunk i shut down and pushed myself into the dark again i was trying to get parole to violate me and send me back i just gave up but it never happened and the day i got off i moved out of my aunts and with my friend in philly well that was all just party party party. at the time i was talking to a girl who i thought at the time was my life partner and all that bullshit but i was just blinded by after 2 years of nothing but jail and parole rules she was just the first female who gave me her attention well while i was in philly we were all drinking and me and her broke up i was drunk and emotional and i well i went into the bathroom and i took 3 90 count scripts of depression medicine and i took them all i took 270 pills give or take a few and tried to kill myself 10 minutes after i took them i blacked out well all i can say is i must have a a seriously bad ass guardian angel or i have a very big and meaningful purpose in life because i woke up the next day weak unable to move and throwing up non stop all the pills i took. it took me about three days to get back to me then i went back to jersey with my uncle not long after that i get hooked back on heroin and cocaine again and my life just well i can say i never been so low the insanity of it all is just well insane everyday i woke up and NEEDED drugs in one day i would think a million times how much happier i would be if i just ended the suffering if i just drove the car into the wall as fast as i could and just end the suffering, my mind was such a dark scary place i wouldnt wish it on anyone and if i didnt always want to get high just one more time if i didnt want to feel that rush one more time im sure i probably would have killed myself, one day i was getting high with my gf at the time and i was just i dont really know what happened but its like time froze and i saw who i was when i got out of jail and how bad things got and how far out there i was so i reached out to the only person i knew i could trust and that would help me my aunt and the next day she checked me into a hospital and i detoxed there while i was there my aunt and my mom found me a halfway house to move into..out of state, they didnt want me to end up like my cousins did the found me a sobor living home and a plane ticket and they went above and beyond to save me. so i moved and i was terrified that id fail i was in the halfway house for about 3 1/2 months to 4 and i turned into a completely different person that i never thought i could be i was happy and going to meetings and sharing and i met a girl and i fell head over heals for her the second i laid eyes on her shes been strong for me stood by my side and made me believe i could be more then a guy working as a cook and just barly making it that i can have that nice house and i can g=have a nice car or go back to school that i can build a family of my own it took me a while to realize or should i say believe in myself to be honest i didnt start fully believe in myself until 2 months ago since me and her have been together i have stolen money from her to get high on multiple occasions i have lied to her and flipped her brand new mustang going to get high i have snuck out and left her alone in bed to go get high she bought me a plane ticket to go home on my birthday for a week to see my family and my first day home i overdosed on heroin i have left her on three occasions because i broke the law and went to jail the first time was for 2 months for aggravated assault and she answered every call wrote me letters came to every court date she visited me and she stayed by my side the whole time.not even 5 days after i got out i stole her car and money to get high even after everything she did for me a month later i got arrested again and charged wit domestic assault for splashing her with water yea i know it sounds stupid but i was piss drunk and got out of control well she bailed me out of jail my drinking continued to get worse and i came home one night from work very very drunk and i snapped and i actually put my hands on her i hit the woman that did nothing but stand by my side and believe in me and give me chance after chance she carried my child the first time i went to jail and we lost it from all the stress she was under from supporting her child and paying rent all on her own a few months after she bailed me out we got pregnant again our own little baby boy Carter well our little baby boy wasnt so healthy and was in pain so we had to make the decision to abort it was what we thought best for him while she was pregnant i went behind her back and was talking to a female that i shouldnt have been talking to and said things i shouldnt have said while being in a relationship with this wonderful woman who has done nothing but fight for me and stand by my side well on july 27th i went back to jail again and stayed for about 2 months for violating my probation still this woman stood by my side answered every call and again came to court this was when i finally realized i was still being defeated by my addiction and while in jail i decided im not gonna be that person i was because i have a choice it is my life and i wont be weak anymore i started going the the steps again for real this time and taking every step to better myself and well guess who bailed me out of jail again? you guessed it she did and now i have been home for 6 days and i have trouble sleeping so i decided to make this blog to share my story help others like me most importantly help myself and not i am sitting in bed next to my girlfriend and my only thoughts are why didnt i take advantage of this time with her and also how easy recovery can be if you really try i mean we tried pretty hard to get high or stay high just half of that effort will save your life its saving mine usually nights like this id be searching the house for a car key that my gf has to hide from me so i dont steel her car but today all i care about is spending and enjoying every moment with this woman and what would be my next step that would be best for my family and me its gonna be a long road and a hard fight but i know i can do it just like i know you can do it stay strong everyone never give up and remember you are worth it and you are worth saving 

[qtlitoang3l]

2018 .

another year down .. it went by very fast didnt it ? time is going by even faster .

2017 was a year full of roller coasters .. a lot of ups , but equally as many downs . i usually reflect my year in Dec/Jan so here it goes . January: I started school again . BIG step , considering i was out for 2 years before then . i remember how excited yet nervous i was . im so glad i did it . It was also the month that my good friend from high school , Brandon , told me that he was getting deployed (he’s in the army) in Feb . i was scared , but all i could do was pray for him to come back home alive . he came back home last month (Dec 2017) safe and sound . i thanked God for watching over him . unfortunately , a few days later , my dad got a heart attack .. now THAT was the scariest moment of my life . i still remember that day very clearly . it haunts me every time . ill never forget the sight of my dad holding his chest , sliding down the couch , and grabbed my hand for his life , grasping for breathe . after 3 days being in the hospital , he was discharged with meds and a new plan for his diet . my mom was by herself at work so my siblings and i had to go out to help while my dad was in the hospital . i knew how scared she gets when shes by herself . my dad and i werent on good terms for a year until this moment happened . i guess we both realized that life is so short and that anything could happen in a second . more importantly , im so glad he’s okay til this day . On a happier note , that was also the month that i purchased my first firearm ! so bad ass right ? The beginning of the year was rough , but it got better ! February: Had dinner with Brandon and Aimee b4 he got deployed . Again , i prayed for his safety . I went to a concert (william singe and alex aiono) , which was so fun . Not much happened that month . Had a valentine’s day dinner with the girls and with an old friend . 

March: this month was important because thats when i found that my sister was having a boy!! amazing news right ? and i could finally be an aunt ! I also watched the Lion King on broadway . i think thats a pretty cool thing to mention , right ? it was such a good show !

April: Finals month ... ugh . also my bday month .. didnt do anything cuz all my finals were on the week of my bday . Got my car fixed that month too after that bad car accident . ugh . May: went to a friend’s dowry , did my first 5K bubble run , went to a house warming party , picked up my mom from her 2 week vacation . she deserved it . Did i mention it was the first semester that i start a nursing course ? nerve-wracking!! 

June: My sister’s baby shower . SO FUN ! i decorated everything and bought this beautiful cake . everything was obviously blue :) i also remember having A LOT of exams back to back . not fun at all .

July: My nephew was born .. it was the best day ever . it changed my life . i am an auntie !! he made everyone so happy and everyone was so happy to see him . it was nice to see my whole family together and happy . I also went to a really fun wedding that month . 

August: After a brutal semester and final , I WENT TO LA !! its been forever since ive been on vacation !! i prefer to go with friends , but i went with my siblings . ups and down on that trip and wouldnt wanna travel again with them unless my parents were there . lesson learned and long story . still have pictures that i havent posted from that trip !

September: went to birthday dinners , a wedding , apartment warmings , a “bachelor” party (lol) and started school again . This was also the month that one of the doctors at DH passed away from breast cancer . it was a very gloomy time for my coworkers . i wasnt at work when everyone found out , but ive heard about it . everyone didnt want to work . the atmosphere completely changed . I went to her funeral , but only the beginning part . instead of being sad , we celebrated her life as a doctor and her passion for her career . it was a sad time and the world lost such a talented person . RIP Dr. Stanfield. at the end of the month my friend dan got married at city hall , which was everything he wanted . didnt have to spend a lot of money at all ! October: My friend threw a huge house party for his birthday . parties are not like they use to be . but because most of the ppl there were older , there wasnt much drinking or playing games , which was the sucky part . no one really wanted to do anything . not sure why , but it is what it is . Also did a photoshoot that month , which i havent done in a long time . forgot how much fun it was .

November: Ughhhh drama month out of all the other months , only because this girl is totally obsessed with her ex and hes literally the only thing she talks about . basically we went to the club and she KNEW he was gonna be there yet she decided to come with us . okay . she sees him , starts freaking out , gets all dramatic like “OMG he totally saw me” type of dramatic . it actually went as far as “i could get him kicked out RIGHT NOW if i wanted . i KNOW the bouncers here , dont test me” yeup .. DRAMA . it was entertaining at the same time . my mistake was that she could handle herself . no , she was totally sloppy and even fell.. in front of her ex .. nbd -.- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER . i stopped hanging out with her .. i couldnt handle it the negative vibes . she came to the thanksgiving party the week after and of course she brought that weekend back and started venting about how she saw her ex and shit . i honestly didnt care . Anyways , thanksgiving with the sister’s in laws was alright . there was some questionable food that i had no idea what the mom was cooking though .. it was some weird things .

December: went to a holiday party , met and saw some friends . it was a good time ! that was also the month that i thought i was gonna fail but ended up passing in the end . THANK GOD . the whole week after the final , i literally went out every day to go drink . you can tell how much stress i was under . lol . i noticed that i was getting a cough , so i cooled down on the drinking after that week . figured i should take care of myself right ? i watched a cirque du soleil show . fantastic as usual . My friend duy asked me to part of this pageant because there was not enough girls .. hmm ... well i didnt wanna just compete because there werent a lot of girls .. so he sat me down and literally gave me a power point show as to why i should join . LOL . i appreciated the time and effort , so id do it for a friend in need . it’ll be fun ! maybe not intense as miss massachusetts but it’ll be a good experience . a big accomplishment that month was when i went snowboarding for the first time in my life !! omg it was so much more fun that i thought it was ! i was hesitant to go because my student that passed away from a snowboarding accident (RIP) , but i couldnt be afraid forever .. it was for him :)

And nooow .. we are in January !! crazy how much has happened in a year .. my resolution this year , besides spending time with my brother , is be more carefree and not care what other ppl think . i think i need to focus on being happy instead of trying to please others . i was told by someone .. that i should be myself more and ppl will see how fun/funny i am . haha , maybe i should ! i will def try . ive kept my guard up for a long time around a lot of ppl and i know ill regret it 50 years from now when im old . im gonna wish i was myself more .

as for you .. yes you .. you know exactly who you are .. i left a section specifically for you . its been a while .. a long while actually . you may or may not still read my .. “journal” .. i might just be writing this for no one to read and now one will ever see , but i guess ill never know . and its okay . even though youre not here anymore and you may not ever be anymore , im living my life the best way that i can , going through life like i never knew you . has it been hard ? yes . am i forgetting our memories ? .. i might have .. i mightve even forgotten what you look like . i dont go on your social media and you are prob doing the same . i think of you from time and time , but not in the way that you think . in a way that i hope you are doing well and only sending you positive vibes . i still pray for you and ask you to be watched over . anyways . i know youre mad .. and i understand . you’ll always have a hold of me .. but eventually .. i have to let that go .. or at least i have to learn how to . i miss our friendship , but i guess if i care about you that much .. i cant be selfish anymore . and i promise that after this , i wont be writing about you anymore .. it’ll all just disappear eventually .. my wish to you is to find happiness . i hope you can promise me that .. take care of yourself .