#but i checked my balance first bcs yk...

[iid-smile]

lord if i had fhe money the amount of badges i would gift...

[thehallstara]

i gotta say. it is getting so damn hard as a disabled trans+queer jew with a shitty immune system to not feel completely overwhelmed w/ sadness and dread at every moment i'm sure a lot of yall feel the same but like man. idk how any of us are dealing with it at this point

[wrongcaitlyn]

do you have any jegulus fic recs??

YES ABSOLUTELY

it's been a bit since i've read jegulus fics bc the solangelo hyperfixation has been so strong but i still have plenty bookmarked!! i'm just going to share my favs of my favs, but i have even more (21 total) bookmarked on my ao3 :)

(also, just gonna put this right here, that i 100% would rec crimson rivers, best friend's brother, and just lovers by bizarrestars, and art heist baby! by otrtbs but i feel like everyone in the jegulus fandom has already read those bc they're pretty much classics, so just know!! i love those fics!! but i'm gonna try and rec some other possibly less known fics here :))

ALSO ALSO - all of these authors have incredible other fics and i highly recommend you check out their entire dashboard!!! for literally every single author on this list. i'm subscribed to all of themjkdf

You Signed Up For This by Solmussa

James and Regulus have a summer fling that they promised their friends they wouldn’t have. Remus and Sirius discover their mutual hatred is just pent-up sexual tension. Dorcas and Marlene are always winning, even when they’re not. It’s a cruel summer for all. first of all i'm extremely attached to this fic bc it introduced me to maisie peters, which led to one of the best concert experiences of my life!! but other than that, this is just so beautifully written, so detailed, and an all-around incredible fic. everything by this author is incredible too!! it's got the perfect balance of angst vs fluff and just summer vibes, which is prob the perfect thing to read right now - anyway, DEF read if you haven't already!!

Mastermind by pieceofchocolate

Regulus Black is the mastermind behind the Liberal party. Unfortunately, he’s never been very good at the more outgoing parts of politics – on a more fortunate note, he has his brother to act as a front figure. Sirius Black has always been the sweetheart of British politics, charming the voters with his wit and charisma. That was until James Potter came around, becoming party leader of his own party, the Leftists. Sirius would probably hate him, if they weren't such good friends. Regulus does not share this problem. Remus Lupin literally just needed a job, and got thrown into the mess of secrets, games and an upcoming parliamentary crisis. With an election around the corner, things are bound to go awry. MCD WARNING but so worth it. like genuinely. it's a painful fic but there's also a good dose of fluff and i enjoyed every single second of reading despite it being politics and.. well, i'm from america so you can probably guess that it was very strange to actually be attached to these characters while they were politicians😭 this one's also so well written and - there are fics where you can just tell that the person cares so deeply about the topic they're writing about, and this is one of them!!! i love finding fanfics where authors are just incredibly passionate about the subject/au OH and it has a taylor swift title. so like. yk it's already gonna be good. (this is also actually one of my favorite songs ever so i was soo excited to read)

blue and yellow skies by alarainai

Quidditch Rivals turned Quidditch Lovers. That's what the world sees them as, at least. Too bad Regulus hates James Potter's guts, and James? Well, it doesn't matter what he feels about their definitely fake, definitely emotionless relationship. c'mon. there had to be one fame au on this list. and i KNOW that this one's sports, but it's so so so fucking good - and i'm gonna be honest, i've read so many of the band au's (there are quite a lot in this fandom, even i've written one) but for some reason i didn't have any of them bookmarked - which tbf, i'm very selective with what i bookmark lmfao but!!! this one is just SO good the plot, the social media aspect, the background wolfstar, just 10/10 fic!!

these violent delights (have violent ends) by damagecontrol

titanic au prepare for pain. MCD warning. but like, the pain is written so well, and it's so heartbreaking, and i literally remember staring at the ceiling after reading this (finishing at like 2 in the morning) and just not being able to think of anything but that ending, and like, you KNOW that you're going to be in pain bc it's a titanic au, but like, GOD it's so good. i genuinely don't even have the words i'm still depressed bc of it (but in a good way)

The Mystery of the Pears by sonwar

In the cave, Regulus doesn’t beg for it to stop. He begs not be left behind, alone. Perhaps this is why, when Kreacher gives one last look over his shoulder and sees terrible, pale hands reaching for his master, he appears in a flash at Regulus’ side, clutches him by the elbow, and Apparates them both out of the cave, directly disobeying his master’s last order. canonverse fic!! and such a lovely au. the romance between them is just so natural, and yet there's still the war going on - but really, it's just so well written, despite all the angst of the war, imo it's just such a feel-good fic. love this one so much.

Only the Brave by Solmussa

A fic about two idiots falling in love (x2 because there's wolfstar, too) during a war, and the sacrifices they'll have to make to survive it. andddd this one's the big one. this one's the one i choose to accept as canon. like. GUYS. THIS ONE'S SO FUCKING GOOD if you haven't already and you're a jegulus fan, you just HAVE to read it like genuinely. the plot is so well-thought out, all of the interludes give these other characters their own stories too, and the angst!!! but also the badassery!!! i can't even explain it but if you want a canonverse war au where jegulus survives and they all win, then, like, this is the one. it's so perfect. prob my fav jegulus fic of all time.

and those r my recs!! hope that you enjoy them, and i have several others in my bookmarks!! i've also written some if you haven't checked those out, but!! happy reading :) thank you for the ask!

[trentlvrr]

“Have you ever been in love?” - Jude Bellingham

Infooo: oneshot that might become a series, fluff, angst, cursing and I’m not a writer fr so Ntm 🙁 fem reader or pov man idk

—————————————————————————

I was waiting outside the club in a sleek black Mercedes. It belongs to my best friend Jude. Jude and I have been friends since birth and our bond is so strong that nothing can break us apart. I was scrolling through my phone til I hear a knock on the door. My eyes widened and I jumped a little at the sudden noise. I looked out the window and it was Jude with a goofy smile. I laughed and rolled the window down. “Open the door” he yell whispered. “Why are you whispering” I yell whispered back. “Because I can” he yell whispered back to me. I laughed. “You’re such a dumbass” I said as I unlocked the drivers door for him. He walked around the car and hopped in. “Thanks” he exclaimed, getting buckled up and putting the car in drive. “No problem” I replied, slapping my hand on his thigh jokingly. He chuckled at my action.

As we were driving all I could do was look at his face, he was beautiful. I’ve had a crush on Jude since elementary and now we’re in college. It’s crazy to think about really. “You like what you see?” Jude says. Which snaps me out of my thoughts. “Um what do you mean?” I ask trying to be oblivious. “You’re staring mad hard at me yk” he exclaims smirking. I roll my eyes. “It’s just because you have something on your face.” I say with a little pettiness in my tone. He checked himself in the rear view mirror. “No I do not” he says while shoving me playfully. I laugh.

Jude pulls into the drive way of his flat and puts his car in park. “Wait here” he says as he gets out and runs to my side of the car. He opens the door and bows slightly, grabbing my hand and leading me out the car. “You’re welcome m’lady” he says winking. I cringe. “You’re so fucking dumb Bellingham” I say as I laugh and let go of his hands. “Oh come on, I thought you’d like that” he said pouty. “Why would I like that?” I ask. “Because your always watching those princess movies and shit” he responds. “Boy bye” I say giggling and walking to the front door. He opens the door and lets me in first. “Ladies first” he says all smiley. “Shut up” I say as I roll my eyes.

Once I got in, I went straight to his fridge. I grabbed the tub of ice cream and sat on the couch. I was channel surfing til a certain channel caught my eye. Streaming was a love story between a regular boy and a princess. They’ve known eachother since forever and they’re both madly in love with eachother but never find out til one magical day. I was so intrigued that I didn’t notice Jude sitting beside me til he grabbed the tub of ice cream. “Hey!” I cry out. He just laughs as I cross my arms and huff.

After a while of watching the movie, jude and I were now cuddled up. My head resting on Jude’s chest. Hearing his heart beat feels so surreal even though we’ve done this like a million times. It feels great and I feel so secure every time. “Viola, I’ve been extremely in love with you since the day I met you.” The boy on the screen exclaimed. “I’ve been in love with you too Thomas” the princess on the screen replies. “Have you ever been in love Jude?” I blurt out immediately regretting it. He backs up to look at me wide eyed before going back to his neutral expression. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Have you ever been in love?” I ask, now sitting up instead of laying on Jude. Jude sits up too and nervously laughs. “Where did this come from?” He asks. “I just wanna know” I say nervously. He chuckles. “Well you know I have no time for love bc I’m balancing football and college-“ I cut him off. “Jude that’s not what I’m asking” I say looking into his deep brown eyes. He sighs. “I mean I guess, I have been” he says. “Have you?” He asks. “Uhm yea something like that” I say. He hums and pulls me back so we can finish the movie.

‘I wish I could just tell him how I feel’ I think to myself. After a while the movie ends and me and Jude are now sitting at his kitchen island. “So uh y/n, who were you in love with?” Jude asks. The question was so sudden that it had me stunned but I answered. “Just this guy from elementary.” I reply. He hums. “What about you?” I ask. “This girl that I’ve known for a while.” He says, not breaking eye contact with me. I start to get nervous. “Oh what’s she like?” I ask. He doesn’t respond. “Come on Jude, we’ve known each other for years, you can tell me.” I say smiling. “Well” he hesitates. “It’s you.”

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“What the hell” I yell while being woken up by my alarm. “Wait all of that was a dream.” I say to myself. “Fuck!” I yell. I groan as I get out of bed. I start getting ready for the day when I hear a knock at my door. I walk to the door and open it. It’s Jude. “Oh hey Jude” I said nervously. “Hey” he says brightly. “You free today?” He asks nervously while showing me two tickets to a movie I really wanted to go watch. “Yes!” I exclaim as I run back to the bathroom. Jude laughs at my antics.

‘The dream might’ve not been real but this date is’ I think to myself as I’m giggling in the mirror. “Yo hurry up y/n” Jude yells through the door. “I’m hurrying!” I exclaim.

——————————————————————————

That’s all guys 🤭

Thanks for reading!!

[sorcerous-caress]

I looked at the mods and stuff for guns in Mass Effect 1 and said “that’s a lot of words too bad I’m not reading em” and speaking of romance wishes god I wish Garrus was bi and poly existed in the game I would’ve both Garrus and Tali romanced so hard they were my ride or dies I took them everywhere unless I physically couldn’t or needed a specific a companion for a mission. Also I must’ve been really blinded by Ashley’s comments on aliens because it seems a lot of people liked her when I wasn’t really feeling her in one guess I gotta give her more of a chance.

(Also this is thebottomseareef I’m just on my main blog because I wanted to make a dnd/bg3 side blog to use on the app so it’d be more convenient and I wasn’t constantly logging into another account but I found out that you can’t send asks from side blogs so I’m just doing it from here because it’s easier)

"Too bad I'm not reading em" PEBCOQNXKQNDJSOJQSN yet you're still here reading my long ass posts, I'm honoured.

omfg yes, Garrus and Tali literally feel perfect in a poly yk? Like I've always took them with me on missions as a pair because their banter was so cute and they were the best balanced team for my character.

It is sad looking at older games and realising how much they hold themselves back just to appease their main demographic, like the legendary edition was two years ago and it would've made so much sense to make the aliens poly or bi. But they didn't because they didn't want to upset the majority of their demographic about the sudden change or getting into "Mass effect is woke now hmp! >:v" online scandal.

Like the romance is nice and every character is so sweet on their own, but something inside me dies each time I'm reminded this is strictly hetro and monogamous. Like I'd be having a blast cute moment with Kaidan then it hits me in the face that and I feel sad that all of this could've been missed if I had picked a male shepherd.

Games are evolving tho and that makes me happy. Especially shooter games bc we all know that's where the second most taxic gamers are, first being moba and souls-like games.

I'm happy that Liara is poly but also very shy and nervous around romance, that she admits this is not something she has ever done before. I'm glad Kaidan becomes bi because fuck yeah all the male shepherd deserves their beautiful bromance with him.

With Ashley, she is special. I like strong woman characters who are more aggressive. Like she truly embodies the soldier aspect of soldier while Kaidan feels more like a close friend with time. Ashley is someone who will punch a person if they were making you uncomfortable. She is someone who will march up to the cashier and tell them you asked for no pickles. Ashley would defend you in combat while Kaidan is more of a support.

She is more brash, confrontational. Punch first think later. Very protective and sweet in her own "no bullshit" kind of way.

With Garrus. He is so romantic and such a gentleman, my heart cannot take it. Like yk for a fact he is all starry eyed around you because you are a specter and he wanted to be one before. The way he thanks you all sweetly for letting him join your crew instead of leaving him with the annoying c-sec paperworks job. He is like RE1 Leon before he became jaded.

Tali is everything. Her genuine love for knowledge, for the craft and survival of her colony. She feels like a future ruler but before she became wiser. Tali is still in her wander and wonder phase while she travels the galaxy and gives her best to everything around her. She is earnest and very honest. Which is sad when she is met with suspicion for being too eager to help and study things.

Garrus and Tali would bond so much, shepherd would be the one keeping the both of them in check from forming a mad scientist cult that rescues kittens from trees.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

>:333 in return for your wonderful rambling essay i’m gna give you my own lil rambling essay… (<- making excuses to talk abt zero escape)

ok so first off I AGREE . on everything. i also have a bit of a love/hate relationship w ztd bc it has some really good moments and characters AND it’s the funniest zero escape game by far but also just. some story/lore stuf… really didn’t hook me…. (but tbf i really didn’t like the plot twist in vlr either :’3 it’s just a Me thing to be clear but. my pet peeve are small-scale stories that turn into large-scale stories.. just… the world ending…. the weird cult….. the Virus…… yeah i’m good thanks)

as for . the Teams ….. q was the weakest by far BUT I LIKED MIRA A LOT!!! she’s beautiful and a little homicidal but i think it’s ok :3 eric was real as hell. i’ve always really liked his last words being ”i forgive you” in the scene where mira kills him…. i feel bad for him but he just isn’t charming enough to make up for how weak the q team dynamic feels 😭😭 ooh but i do like the secret ending where q kills delta :33 secret endings r fun. my favorite streamer played it and got the ending pretty early by luck and he was SO confused lmao…..

and then there’s d team ………… niku . i was also a supporter of phi/sigma 😔 (i had a feeling you were the same hehe, bickering rlly is a very Niku relationship trope)…… i just thought that twist felt so weirdddd . esp after they spend so much time flirting in vlr…. and also a bit in ztd….. then again ig it was never really Flirting since sigma was. an old ass man the whole time??? that twist was also…. kinda weird……. I LIKE THE D TEAM DYNAMIC THOUGH and more than anything i love sigma’s design <333 he’s soooo dilfy. built like shinjuku!gojo kind of. just one big brick. but yeahhh i just wasn’t very invested in diane/sigma as a ship at ALL 😭 i loved luna but diane didn’t rlly grow on me the same way…. she’s sweet but …… that’s all……..

BUT those teams aside. c team!!!! yes!!!!! our beloveds…… they were just so funny and wonderful and good. uchikoshi deserves some kind of award just for taking the exes of all time and putting them in a room w a random golden boy himbo…. he’s so cute and sweet and perfect for them :((( and GODDD the junpei/akane dynamic 😭😭 i loved the banter and bitterness and subtle dragging…… but the whole proposal thing was so sweet </3 and also kinda funny. emo junpei is dear 2 me :3 BUT C TEAM AS A POLYSHIP YES NIKU!!! join me!!!!!! i think he would balance them out so well….. i’ve seen some art of them before (and also read a fic i think..?) and they were all so sweet!! T_T

OH AND . akane as makima ….. i did in fact scream NIKUUU YOU LITTLE GENIUS …… she IS giving makima. beautiful master manipulator women!!! yes!!!! we need more of them….. 😔😔

AAA THIS IS ALREADY KINDA LONG but i haven’t even talked abt your main point yet …… i Agree. on delta. i remember him being like …. mildly interesting? but he just falls so flat when you put him next to akane and sigma 😭😭 likeee zero should always be a sympathetic lovable character trapped in their own narrative and i think delta checks some of those boxes? but he just. really isn’t given the same care as the other two….. so it’s just like . yeah ok….. this is our guy…… the man behind it all…… mr life is simply unfair snail guy…… he kills gab >:c i DO think his design (mask on ONLY) is pretty hot though but that’s my own issue to deal with

OOOOH AND AND AND !!!!!!! bten crumbs!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!! aaaa i’m still thinking abt that fic yk…… i love hearing more abt the creation of it and all the lore :3 i think shifting as a concept is so cool…. but definitely not good for our poor reader </3 i’m glad you threw them a bit of a bone…… i really am hoping they’ll turn out okay after you let them out of the box :’3 pls don’t pull a niku akutami and make them suffer right after …. plspls ….. (i would eat it up either way to be clear bUT…. still 😔)

TYSM FOR YOUR ANSWER NIKUUUUU i had sm fun reading your thoughts!!!!! i’m sorry for the kinda late reply too, i’ve been busy T_T but you alr know that…. i hope we’ll both get a lil more free time soon…… AND YES i also rlly wanna replay the games!!! if you’re interested in watching someone else play them then … here . link to a compilation of my fave streamer playing it :3 he’s kind of pretentious and critical though so . maybe… you won’t like him ….. but his streams were a lot of fun and he loves carlos !!!!! so there’s that .

anyway tyty my beloved niku!!! here is a silly little meme for you <333

i don’t know why it makes me laugh as much as it does but . i carry it w me everywhere … in my silly meme folder ……

AH YES ANOTHER PERSON OF CULTURE (zero escape fan)!!! Though I suppose I should not be surprised when you did mention loving time loops!!! Akane Kurashiki is truly my girl of all time....

NIKUUUU MY BELOVED PERSON OF CULTURE… yes…. the time loops ………. my biggest weakness 😔 uchikoshi is insane in the head (AFFECTIONATE!!) but i truly think he’s a genius for turning the classic video game format of diverging paths into a real part of the story …….. it’s just theeee coolest thing ever AND AKANEEEE OUR GIRL!!!! hehe i knew i could trust your taste :3 sigma n akane are my favs too!!! they’re just so silly…. a little insane…….. very tragic & doomed ��� my type in other words (i think gojo and sigma would hit it off so well but i also Really don’t want them to i feel like their meeting would destroy us all)..

ok but niku ….. 👀 i neeeeed to know what you thought abt ztd . plot and lore aside i thought the carlos/junpei/akane dynamic was just so great……… i love them all so much <333 two divorcees and a Himbo

[cognitosclowns]

jr and rand headcanons maybe??? 😳

EHEHEHEHEHE >:)))))))) you're gonna get the most pretentious analysis of these two ever i am SO SORRY SMDNSDM

SFW!! plenty of angst, mild death implications, Rand being Rand and all the things that that entails (mostly manipulation and alcoholism)

OKAY FIRST OF ALL,,,,, go check out @harkingspot bc,,,, it's so funky and also has so much good analysis stuff about JR and Rand.

*rubs my evil little hands together* ehehehe okay this is gonna be,,, a lotta misc stuff!! Mostly just vague thoughts I've got about these two

*slaps them* these bad boys can fit so much misery in them

JR was the most bright-eyed of bright-eyed entrepreneurs, Rand had this silly bitch wrapped around his index from day ONE SMNDSMDN

GOD ITS SO AMBIGUOUS AS TO,, whether or not they /founded/ Cognito? Like Rand says he used to run the company but,, it never really says explicitly that they created it?

I like to think they started out as,, Misc Business Partners? JR grew up rich and his father had ties to Proto-Cognito, eventually as Rand became closer to JR he began to be initiated into those circles? Maybe possibly? MSNDSD IDK ITS ALL VERY SHAKY GROUND

when Cognito became an organization - an actual organization, not just vague little pockets of semi-governmental bodies and conspiracies dapples around - Rand was the one to suggest they be the ones to spearhead the project.

because 'Who better to run this shit-show than us'

SMTH SOFT BEFORE WE GET INTO THE SHITSHOW :

I THINK I'VE BROUGHT THIS UP BEFORE BUT,,, they had this tradition every December to order this MASSIVE CHERRY PIE at that diner, to celebrate a good year of Business.

like even before they 'made it big' (I.E took over Cognito). It was a really new experience for the both of em?

JR wasn't used to,, yknow,, eating at places that weren't Super Fancy? And Rand,,, was always a pretty loner guy, not really used to sharing meals with people. It created this first,, bridge between them, yk?

JR said it was because Cherries have a lot of symbolism for hope and prosperity. Rand just liked a good pie.

The balance when they first took charge of Cognito was,, very To Be Expected

Rand was made to be in the spotlight - not that JR is socially inept in any amount, just,,, Rand radiates this confidence, arrogance. He's such a natural manipulator that it seemed the obvious choice.

JR was too 'fidgety', in Rand's words, to be able to handle the stress of being at the forefront.

and,,, yeah.

Sure, current JR is good with people, because he was forced. Trust me, most of the current charm he has was,,,,, learned out of necessity rather than willingness. Its why he's got that anxious edge about him! our boy is much better suited for galas than boardrooms smdnmsd

LIKE HES THIS,, WIRY LITTLE RICH BOY, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT SMNDSD

He was sociable in that Stiff, Stuffy way - being around Rand, as much as he'd hate to admit it, did help him learn the tricks to interacting with ppl who,,,,, weren't all aristocrats

AND VICE VERSA TOO BABEY, RAND PICKED UP SO MUCH FROM JR'S MANNERISMS HE CAN SCAM THE FUCK OUTTA RICH PEOPLE.

AS MUCH AS I MAKE IT SEEM, IT WASN'T BAD ALL THE TIME, YK?

Like dear god these two got close. Eventually,, Rand and JR were basically living out of Cognito Inc, sleeping a couch they used to have in the office.

they were SO in eachothers heads - they could work completely seperate, but somehow in perfect harmony?

Like when you know smb so well you're answering questions they didn't even ask?

ALSO THEY BOTH STARTED,,, so young??? JR mentions somewhere that he's been running Cognito for 40 years~, and he's probably like,, 60? 70?

meaning he and Rand might have been running Cognito Inc since,, they were in their twenties at the youngest? Twenties? Balancing all the shit Cognito has to offer them in their Twenties dear god how did they not collapse sooner?

Nobody could tell you when Rand went from the normal amount of evil to,, Extra Special Evil. The transition was so slow that JR barely even noticed it happen tbh?

As the years went on, the stakes kept getting higher and higher - Rand was practically pushing them higher. Making new promises to the Shadow Board, even bigger and bolder projects. Every choice he made had more risks than could ever justify the rewards.

Like sure, Rand had always been a bit hungry for power - nobody gets into a job like that without a lust for power. As much as JR liked to think of himself as the ~Moral Paragon~ of the two (at first), he wasn't exactly in it for the sake of charity smndsmd

BUT FOR RAND????

it's like a switch flipped after he realized just how much power Cognito holds. JR always had some sort of power, but Rand never had that. JR never had as much to risk as Rand.

That mixed with Rand already being,,,,,,,, a pretty manipulative, cunning person in general = oh lord

it genuinely felt like JR blinked one day and realized that he'd just gotten used to Rand being drunk and disorderly - that he was picking up the slack, and Jesus Christ he had to, because if he didn't god knows what the Shadow Board would do to them - to him, now that JR was the one they were interacting with the most.

it wasn't a 'breakdown', it wasn't even new. Just a different flavor of the same bad cherries.

OK IM GONNA STOP THAT THERE BC. ITS ALREADY SO LONG IM SORRY LMAO. I feel like I just went into a fugue state smdnsmd I might come back and rework some areas another day (in which case ill rb)

THIS WAS SUPER FUN ILYSM. FEEL FREE TO ASK MORE STUFF ABOUT THESE TWO AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE NO LIMIT OF IDEAS AND TANGENTS ABOUT EM. HAVE A LOVELY NIGHT!!

[bouncyballcitadel]

Chapter 6 Messages!

Sorry for being super late on this, but here’s a compilation of all the messages I’ve gotten about Chapter 6. Thank you so much for sending these in--I love you all very much! :)

Under the cut to prevent it from being a giant block of text lol

I have an online exam in an hour and playing the updated game really help me relax well sort of since that surgery scene kinda makes me nervous like holy shit Anyway the update is AHMAZING! I really love it(♡ω♡ ) ~♪

Hehe, I’m glad I managed to capture (even if just a little bit) how nerve-wracking surgery can be…especially when something goes wrong. Hope your exam went well!

Ho dear lord, the update was amazing to much adrenaline for me 😭 thank you so much bouncy for your hard work !

HAHA, what’s Citadel without your heart pounding every chapter (from drama or from the ROs)?

Hi!! I love the new update! I was wondering if it’s impossible to be on time to surgery with Dr. Grey if we eat with Jean? I tried not even asking Jean anything and I was still late lol

Unfortunately, if you decide to eat with Jean you’ll always be late to the surgery. Just wanted to capture some of the very real trade-offs in medicine hehe

me, having to reload a save every time i answer a question incorrectly or do the wrong thing during the surgery: ah shit, here we go again 🧍

Even Dr. Grey and Vic aren’t immune to time travel hehe

Hello! Chapter 6 is AMAZING we love the surprise drop and I think I"m in love with everyone in this game. Small potential error report? When talking to Eli at the vending machine, it reads "She expression is so gentle". Okay thank you

Ah, thank you for sending me the error! Will fix this in the Chapter 6 soft update. 

oh my god that chapter !!! I don't remember the last time I was so immersed in a story. somehow i didn't mess up (sure twice or thrice it was pure luck with guesswork but shh) other than uhhh passing out bc who needs nutrition (the moment with Eli was worth it) ...... making mistakes on my second playthrough on purpose made me feel so bad for my poor second MC the poor guy has a pure heart but embarrassed himself so badly (at least HE didn't pass out tho....)

LOL! I love how you played your two MCs completely differently haha! At least Vic gave you orange juice if you passed out. 

Really enjoyed the new chapter! Specially the Uhmm walking on pins and needles around Vic and *twirls hair* eyeing their biceps and Yk faceplanting at the end of surgery 😣 but is okay because I know big scary attending isn’t that scary. Those big strong arms *will* cradle (1) overworked intern one day. Also as someone who knows zilch of medicine, the surgery stuff was fun play through!

Yay, I’m glad you enjoyed the surgery sequence! One of my goals was to balance between keeping it medically realistic but also engaging to the reader. And, yes, Vic…as Marsha said in Chapter 6, “Big, bad chief. I see right through you.” ;) 

Ok just now playing that Eli / Davy tension and it is *chefs kiss*. MC ready to board the workspouse train and Eli having their lil texting anxiety? Author you are evil 😌 also I the player haven’t chosen a first route yet so my MC is just the biggest hoe rn, anyone in scrubs will be pined and flirted with, and I kinda love it 😆

Tbh, that’s me whenever I play a choice game so you have my full support. Lol, sneaking in little jealous Eli tidbits is one of my favorite parts of writing Citadel. ;)

Where were Vic's big strong arms to catch me when I passed the fuck out? Also, damn you for making me pay attention? I'm a speed reader so I miss little details like ages and stuff.

-cackles- 

Unfortunately, Vic’s big strong arms were busy sowing up Ms. Lin’s abdomen, but maybe one day, eh?

What kinda weak sauce intern are we? Huh? You skip lunch and just drink coffee for breakfast and then pass out? Punk bitch. I haven't eaten in two days and I only feel a little like I'm gonna pass out. I could beat MC in a fight confirmed. (/j)

LMAO, please nourish yourself. Bwahaha, probably my favorite option in the “try not to pass out sequence” is “summon all willpower and force yourself not to pass out.” It’s hilarious when that doesn’t work. 

me eying the mental health bar like 🙃

This will become very relevant in Case 3…

does mc faint in the surgery room specifically because they didn’t eat enough or do they faint no matter what? if it’s the former, will the mc’s eating habits continue to be noted throughout the game or was it just a one time thing? i really enjoy that taking care of yourself, and consequently not doing so, has an actual impact on the character and story, if that’s the case

The MC will faint or not faint depending on how many “snack points” you rack up (hint: you have to make very specific decisions to get enough snack points, sometimes at the expense of other stats in the game). This will probably be a one time thing, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be little stat checks like this in the future that might have major consequences on your reputation. ;)  

[kimnjss]

I had a real ‘keke’ reading this latest enstallment of smokescreen (also this is just me wanting to gush over it honestly 😩)

so lets begin 🤣

chiiiiiiiiiile … namjoon really mess with anything with two legs 😩

also speaking of the infamous maya girl if she gone be a bussit baby … she could learn the word discernment … cause its giving theshaderoom jada and august ‘entanglement’ … then again if twt user ‘@fvckedbyjoon’ ended up on there she’ll probably think she famous 🙃🥴

luv how the gc always on namjoon neck pls someone needs to check him 🤣

also yoonmin 💘💗🥺

also looving 2seok 🥺💗💘 (lololol at jin saying their supposed to be sneaky linkkks like hobi aint the one to tell him what it mean 🤣) .. can’t wait to see how their relationship develops ☺️

imma just say jk bc jk deserves a mention although this truly aint about him 🤣

also lets give it up for VIP tae bc he always checking joon … he will not let that man be delulu ☺️💗

liiiiiiiike i wish i was in the chat … tagggg me innnn coachhh … i’d have so much to say 🤣😩

my ✨ toxic ✨ trait is believing in namjoon character development from man-wh*re to the guy we all see he can be 🤣🥴

yn need to change his name to unwashed d!ck 🍆 …

like im really suprised his meat aint fell off … like is his ph balance okay ??? is all the girls he banging ph balance okay ??

he really the local bicycle 🚲 everyone gets a ride 😩😭

anyways yn is strong against his relentless flirty and outrageous statements bow down to her bc i know some of us would be WEAKK INN DA KNEES 🙇🏽‍♀️🙇🏽‍♀️ #STANNUPP

anyways i truly am having a blast reading this i legit have my phone screen touching my glasses the way i be swiping trying to read the next part 🤣💗

i should probably give myself a recurrent emoji so you know whose writing these paragraphs every new update 🤣😭

- i’ll go with 🍑 anon (i’m same person who recently discovered your acc !!)

☺️ anywho can’t wait for the next installment 💗💘

AHHH ! this is the longest ask ever - literally just made my entire nighttt <33 alright let's get into it !!

joon is fucking wild fr - no idea what his standards are bc lowkey he doesn't have any ., if you're cute he's down . he doesn't care abt status or anything like that . if you can make his dick jump??? over with . which is why he's always finding himself caught up with crazy girls like maya . this is not the first time he's been in a scandal involving nd surely won't be his last . n each time the two of them are caught together - she's doing the same thing nd broadcasting it to anyone that'll listen .

dude !! that gc will never let joon live bc he's always getting his business aired out lMAO they have so much ammo - it's impossible for them to just leave him alone - especially taehyung !! he's constantly finding reasons to call him out ., that's what he lives for !

yoonmin are so adorable :(( love that they literally met nd decided that they liked each other nd there's no drama at all - bc with what's abt to go down with 2seok nd how yn nd joon are ., we definitely need that tame couple to balance everything out .

joon has a lot of growing to do nd in the mean time ., yn is not going to hesitate to curse him at every turn !! how funny would it be for him to change his name to that - lowkey just might do that bc?? he already has her in there as 'hot camgirl' it could be their cute little think yk . LOL .

NOT THE LOCAL BICYCLE IM FUCKING CRYINGGG ! that's exactly what he is fr - just giving rides to whoever looks at him twice . yns gonna have to scrub up real good after fucking around with him .

buuut yk she's holding out real good right now ., ignoring every one of his advances - she's much stronger than me bc the way i would've given in six times already?? don't know how she's not already weak in the knees for the man - (lowkey she is but she's way too good at hiding it) .

i can't wait to hear what you think of what's to come bc we're abt to hit the real drama !! nd i'm sooo excitedddd <333 nd yuup - i'll have that as your emoji from now onnnn !

[fydream]

even if it is, just for tonight | p. js

☌ genre: jisung x reader, slice of life(ish), fluff, angst?, high school!au? kinda.. i wouldn't say it's a college!au but it's the summer before you move to college, the mood is a teenage coming of age movie where the main characters sneak out and do things but like not illegal things yk, best friends to lovers because i'm a sucker for that!!, inspired by life is strange episode 3 + we go up era/the we go up mv teaser + the perks of being a wallflower, mentions of ex-boyfriend!jaemin, say hi to skater boy!renjun!!! also say hi to college boy!johnny!! they're more of a touch and go but they'd appreciate a hello :-)

☌ songs/playlist: 🎵(yes these go in order of the story,,, the most important songs though are "aint it fun by" paramore and "fallingforyou" by the 1975 and maybe "is there somebody who can watch you" also by the 1975)

☌ word count: 7.3k!! 

☌ warnings: food mention, cursing, uhh breaking and entering? i wouldnt really say that but it's more off you jumping a fence and trespassing lol, also this is semi proof read lmao sorry

☌ author note: this is dedicated to my dear friend cam!! (@huangsilks​) happy birthday i love you <333 here's a lil fic bc ur senior year got cut short and as much as i wish i could give it to you, i cant, and im so sorry about that. so take this fic in return <33 mwah // all i want to do is live in a teen coming of age movie is that too much to ask for? and that's on the media romanticizing your teenage years!

☌ disclaimer: this has no relation to htbah!jisung at all. this is a completely different universe. thank you.

─ 10:45pm;

The last day of summer vacation is always fun until you realize that the sun has started to set and the inevitability of tomorrow starts creeping into your thoughts.

So what were you doing on your last day (or night in this case) of summer? You weren't doing anything special, just looking through your room and going through the various photos you had put up on your walls, recalling past memories from your previous years in high school.

Tomorrow night you were leaving your small town and moving across the country to attend college. Needless to say you were excited to move away and get a fresh start but the one thing you weren't ready for was to say goodbye to everyone.

You didn't have a going away party like everyone else, you decided not to because that meant you were actually leaving. Though your bags were packed and your room was put together, it didn't feel like you were going to college. The realization hasn't hit yet, it just felt like another normal night. You were busy looking through one of the memory boxes you had in your room when you felt your phone buzz, indicating you've gotten a text.

[sungie: hey]

[sungie: wanna go on an adventure?]

[you: wtf? the sun set already, if i get caught i'm done for!]

[sungie: c'mon.. live a little]

[sungie: im picking you up in five, get ready :)]

Park Jisung. Your best friend since, well, since elementary. He's the boy who you grew up with, the boy who you happened to survive all of high school and middle school with, he's also the boy who happened to capture your heart doing the simplest things you could imagine.

He was your first crush, but not your first boyfriend.

He also happened to be the boy who was always there for you, no matter what. So if you were going to spend your last night in the town you grew up in, why not spend it with your best friend, Park Jisung himself?

Seeing as that he was already on his way, it left you with no choice. Grabbing the closest hoodie near you, you silently made your way to your front door where you slipped on your shoes before heading outside as quietly as you could.

It takes a few minutes before you see a familiar car pull up on your childhood street. Approaching the vehicle, you hear music playing that's only being muffled due to the windows that are rolled up and the doors being shut closed.

"Hey." He says lowering the volume as you open the door to his passenger seat. "Are you ready?"

"You're fucking insane." You snort as you buckle your seatbelt. "Wake up my whole neighborhood why don't you?"

"I mean.. Only if you want me too.." He teases, placing his hand on his car horn.

"Don't you dare!" You squeal, trying to grab his wrist before he could attempt to wake up your whole neighborhood. To no avail, you failed which resulted in a fit of laughter from him.

"C'mon. Live a little." He says once more before driving away from your. house, turning out of your neighborhood and onto the empty streets.

"Where are we going?" You ask, watching the streetlights pass by.

"It's a surprise."

"That's so ominous."

"I know."

"Could you at least give me a hint?" You whine.

"I'll give you one word."

"I'll take whatever I can get."

"Okay, the word is playground."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You ask, shooting him a glare.

"Hey! you said you'll take what you can get, and I'm giving you one word." He defends.

"You're annoying." You mumble, turning away from him to look back out the window.

"So I've been told." He snorts, focusing his attention back on the road.

Your first stop of the night is the playground of your elementary school.

It was kind of unexpected because the last time you were here was probably when you attended school here, years ago. To be honest, you were expecting to be taken to the park near your house. The playground there was mostly abandoned due to all the kids on your street growing up, you would still see other children playing on the swings or sliding down one of the tube slides but those were on good days. Most of the time it was just empty.

"School?" You ask confused, watching as Jisung unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door to step outside, you doing the same. "Jisung, we're way to big for this playground, you know that. Why are we even here?"

"You'll see." He says, grabbing your hand to drag you over towards the gate that they used to fence off the playground. ”Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You ask, earning a wink in response. "Oh my god.. Jisung no!"

Before you could realize what was about to happen, the hand that Jisung was using to hold yours was now being used to help pull himself over the chain linked fence that lead to your school's playground. After successfully throwing himself over the top of the fence and landing on the other side with a light thud, he smiles at you. "Your turn."

"What the hell?! No way!" You protest. "I can't even climb a fence! You know this!"

"Actually. That's false." He confidently states, knowing he’ll win this argument. "You climbed a fence Junior year when you were hanging out with Johnny Suh and his friends."

"What? Who told you that?!" You exclaim.

"Just a little someone who's name begins with a little 'Ren' and ends with 'Jun.'" He says playfully, sending you a little wink.

"That brat!" You whisper yell. "That’s the last time I tell Renjun something.." You add, mumbling.

"So, your turn." He repeats, gesturing towards the gate in front of you.

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this." You mumble before continuing to hoist yourself over the metal fence. Your landing wasn’t as smooth as Jisung’s, seeing as you almost lost balance trying to get down from the top resulting in Jisung having to catch you so you didn’t break an ankle or something.

"See? That wasn't so bad." He snorts, letting you go.

"I hate you." You scoff. "Why are we even here again?"

"I'm glad you asked." He says smiling, grabbing your hand once more. This time, instead of leading you to a fence you had to jump be brings you to a small play structure. It takes you approximately a minute for you to realize where you were and where he was taking you.

"Right here." He says pointing to a red tube slide. "Our first stop of the night. This is where we first met, remember? You practically shoved me down this slide because you wanted to go down it and I was in your way."

You chuckle as the first memory of you and your best friend plays. "Of course? How could I not remember? I got called into the office afterwards because some kid told one of the teachers that I was bullying you. To this day, I still don't know who told on me."

“It was Wendy, if you wanted to know.” He adds. “She told me after she told on you.” He shrugs.

“Of course it was..” You mumble, hopping up to sit against one of the bottom steps that led up to the slide.

"Is this what we came here for?" You ask, looking up at the boy who was currently climbing up the side of the playground structure.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He yells loud enough for anyone in a five mile radius hear. Maybe it’s because of how quiet it is at this time of night, or maybe it’s because he just got louder whenever he was with you. But those were besides the point, if there were any cops around right now you two would definitely have gotten caught thanks to Jisung.

He makes his way to a safer spot, where he can jump down from the top of the playground. Despite the fact he moved you still scold him for his reckless actions. "Don't do that!! You’re going to get hurt! What happens when you jump off of something and finally break your ankle, hm?"

Jisung shrugs in response. "Well you see, it hasn’t happened yet. You can even check, I’m fine. It’s okay."

"You stress me out, you know." You scoff, turning away from him to walk towards the monkey bars that were once too tall for you, but now are nothing compared to your height.

"I know." He shouts from across the playground. Because of how quiet it was with just you two being there in the dead of night you could hear his footsteps along the playground structure. You could hear it creak every now and then, making you wonder if it was Jisung causing then noises of if it was just because of how old the structure is. You think about how long it's been here, how many children have played in the exact spots you were standing in and how many more will until they decide to finally remodel or get rid of it.

"It's been ages since I've been here." You whisper, running your hand along the cool, metal railing as you climb the short steps that lead up to the top, where Jisung was waiting for you.

"I know right? Do you remember this spot?" He asks, taking a seat on the platform, which barely has enough room for both of you. "We used to sit here and gossip about who we thought were cute in the fifth grade." He snorts.

"Yeah.. And when people tried to come up here you'd yell at them for the password." You laugh. "That was really fun. A simpler time." You add, going back replaying through some of your memories which were long forgotten.

For the next couple minutes you and Jisung just sit there, reminiscing to when you were both small children, where your only worry was your guy's spot on the playground being stolen.

“This is nice..” You think to yourself. “It feels the same, just like the good old days.”

"Uhm." Jisung coughs, getting your attention. "We better get going. There are more stops to go and well, we don't have all night do we?"

"Oh. Yeah." You sigh, not wanting to get up from your spot. "Where are we going now?" You ask.

"You'll see." He says, flashing you a grin.

You smile, rolling your eyes at the boy in front of you, who was now attempting (and failing) to slide down the slide in front of you.

"It’s not slippery anymore." He frowns.

"Well, yeah." You giggle, making your way down the same way you came up. "It's been years Sungie. What'd you expect?"

"I dunno. The same amount of slipperiness?"

"You're silly." You tease, lightly pinching his cheek. "Let's go." You’re about to walk away when Jisung grabs your wrist, stopping you from waltzing away to his car.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You were kinda hesitant to jump a fence you’ll sure you'll be ready to do whatever else I have planned for tonight?" He teases.

"Depends." You hum. "Are we going to get into any kind of trouble?"

"That's up to us."

"Then of course I'm down." You say, dragging him back the way you entered.

─ 12:23am;

The next stop is in the city near your small town. To be more specific it's the rooftop of one of the many parking garages your city has. Jisung's car is the only car parked right now due to the time being nearly twelve thirty in the morning, and you just can't help but wonder why you spent the last half an hour driving to an empty parking garage.

"Okay Park Jisung, why are we here?" You ask, leaning against the railing to look outwards for any sign of reason.

"Well first of all, if you're looking for the reason why you're on the wrong side." He chuckles, leading you towards the opposite side of the rooftop. "And if you look to your left you'll see a small venue." He says in one of those touristy guide voices, earning a giggle from you.

"Hey! Isn't that where we-"

"Saw our first concert?" He cuts you off, finishing your sentence.

"Yeah.. I remember that night. We skipped school that day to make sure we made barricade." You snort.

"It was definitely worth missing a pop quiz and two weeks of being grounded." Jisung comments.

"You act like you didn't sneak out every night during those two weeks." You joke, lightly punching his arm.

He gives you a small pout and a fake "ow." in response. "Well, yeah?" He replies. "How else was I going to see my best friend?"

"Anyone ever told you you're annoying?" You ask rolling your eyes, leaving the edge of the rooftop to walk towards the center.

"Mmm." He hums, looking up to indicate that he was thinking. "I don't think so."

"Well, you are." You say before asking "So why the rooftop?"

"I'm glad you asked." He starts, pulling out a tiny speaker from his jacket pocket. "Remember how you said you were kinda sad that we haven't gone to a concert in a while?"

"Mhm."

"Well congratulations y/n l/n because here I have a tiny speaker that'll make it feel like we're having our own mini concert on the top of this garage building tonight!" He exclaims in a fake announcer voice.

Giggling, you smile at him before going along with the joke. "Oh wow? My own private concert? Right here? Right now? With the only relevant person in my life? How could I even think about passing that up!?"

Jisung snorts before handing you the wireless speaker, allowing you to connect your phone to it. The first song you play is "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore for the sole being of it being that song.

"Paramore?" Jisung asks, a bit confused on why you chose this song out of all things to play.

You smile at him before placing the speaker on the ground. Taking both his hands you say, "Jisung. It's fucking Paramore! Do you not remember this song? This is the one we used to blast on my speakers in my bedroom whenever we had a good day. I miss that. Now c'mon! Dance with me!" You giggle, dragging him away from the speaker and to an emptier spot in the parking lot. And so he does. It's not any choreography or anything, it's just you two jumping around on a rooftop to one of your feel good songs. A carefree moment to be exact, where it feels like nothing really matters anymore.

Jisung smiles, backing away from you to watch as you jammed your heart out. If anything, he would give everything just for you to have this moment forever. He knows how stressful life can be, not to mention how hard you worked just to barely make it into your dream school. He also knows how hard it is to feel alone, so he really isn't surprised that your chose thing song because it was your song. Jisung knows a lot more than you could ever know, so if it means he only has one night left to give you everything, then so be it.

Before you know it you watch as he runs towards you, engulfing you in a hug. Shocked, you try your best to look up towards the boy who had you in his arms. If you weren't this close to him you probably wouldn't have noticed the slight glossy look over his eyes, deciding not to touch on it for now and just accept the hug as the song fades into background noise.

"You're leaving tomorrow." Jisung whispers, before pulling apart from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders. "You're leaving, tomorrow." He states once more this time, more softly while looking at you in the eyes. "You're gonna go off to some college and find a new, maybe get a new boyfriend, and even get a life of your own."

"You know I'll never replace you." You respond back, voice barely above a whisper. You were looking at the cement on the ground or the buildings that were only light being lit up by the various lights around or the night sky, which you definitely haven't seen in a while. You were looking anywhere, everywhere that wasn't your best friend, because you knew for a fact if you looked at him in this moment you would cry.

"But hey," You say speaking up, finally getting the courage to look him in the eye. "That all starts tomorrow. I'm still here right? We still have what? Like twelve hours? So let's make the most of it while we still can, okay?"

Jisung looks down at you before giving you a sad smile. "Actually it's seventeen hours." He sniffs, letting out a light laugh.

"Okay? So? I've got seventeen hours to spare, do you have seventeen hours to spare?" You ask, teasingly.

"You can have all my time in the world, y/n." Jisung replies, pulling you back into the hug.

"Glad to know." You giggle. "Because I'm willing to give you all of mine."

Soon enough the song ends and you hear the beginning of Fallingforyou by The 1975 start to play.

"Hey," Jisung whispers. "I- Uhm. You know this song reminds me of you?" He says.

"It's does?" You ask, voice muffled due to the fact you were speaking into his chest. "Why?"

"Oh god." He starts. "You can't make fun of me for this though." He says pulling away from the hug.

"I won't. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Okay well.." He starts, walking away from you. "Here goes nothing.." There's hesitation in his voice and you can't tell if it's because what he was going to say would hurt you or if he just never planned on telling you. It's silent for a few seconds before he breathes in and let's out a sigh.

"I used to like you, y'know."

Though this is just the start of his sentence you wonder why it already began to hurt. Perhaps it could be because he started his thought off with 'I used to like you.' Used to, meaning not anymore.

"Back in the beginning of Sophomore year, when I saw that you started dating Na Jaemin I realized how much I liked you. And when I saw how much you were with him and how much fun you were having with him I couldn't help but wish that were me.. I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I figured out my feelings before you got with him. And even after you two broke up, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just confessed to you, out of the blue."

"Is that so?" You ask, walking towards the boy who was now seated on the hood of his car.

"Yeah." He whispers, looking down so he didn't have to face you.

"Well, then I have a confession to make." You state, hoping onto the empty space next to him to take a seat. "I used to like you to."

"You did?"

"I did." You hesitantly state.

"Oh.." He whispers. "How long ago?"

"A while ago." You say softly. "I never wanted to risk anything because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if we ended up breaking up on a bad note. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend."

"Oh." He sighs.

"What do you think would've happened if we dated?" You ask.

"I dunno actually. I mean, I don't think much would really change.. We're already pretty close, and we basically act like a couple anyways. Just look at us right now." Jisung responds.

You didn't realize it but currently you were snuggled up against his side, with his arm wrapped around you. If Jisung didn't point it you probably wouldn't have noticed. "We do everything together, and we always bring each other gifts. We even went to prom together, remember?"

"Well yeah.. as friends."

"That's besides the point. I'm talking about how people see us y/n. Go ask anyone, Donghyuck thought we were dating."

"He doesn't count. Donghyuck thinks everyone is dating." You snort.

"Okay, then ask Renjun. The reason why he told me you jumped that fence was because he thought that Johnny was gonna steal you from me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. His exact words were 'You're girlfriend just jumped a fence to hang out with J. Suh and them. I'd be careful if I were you, Johnny's known to steal each other's girls.' You should've seen how confused I was and how awkward it was to explain to him that we weren't a couple." Jisung laughs. "He was so confused."

"He thought we were dating?"

"Yeah."

"Jisung." You state, looking up at him. "This is my last night here. And before you tell me to shut up and enjoy the moment I want to tell you one thing, okay? It's really really important to me and I feel like if I don't tell you this right now, I may never will."

"Geez, you're dramatic." He jokes. "What's so important anyways?"

"I still like you."

"Oh.." He whispers. "Oh? Wai-Wait. You still like me?"

You nod.

"Like.. like-like?"

"Yes, like like-like." You chuckle.

"O-Oh.."

There's a moment of silence before anyone says anything else. The only things making noise are the sound of distant cars that you hear drive by, along with the wind as it decides to pick up a slight breeze. Your phone is still playing music but you can barely hear it over your light breathing, which to you, sounds like the loudest thing on world. Your head is occupied with thoughts on why you decided to confess right now and Jisung is left trying to process what you just told him. It only lasts for a few seconds, a minute at most, but it feels like an eternity.

"Hey y/n?" He says softly. You snap your head up, looking towards him. Half of you is ready to hear whatever he has to say while the other half of you is worried that you just ruined everything with four little words. "Yeah?" You ask as your voice cracks a little.

"I still like you too."

"You do?"

"I do."

"So the question becomes, what are we?" You whisper, looking back down at the ground. "I leave tomorrow."

"That doesn't mean anything.." Jisung mumbles.

"What are you talking about? Yes it does. It means everything."

"No, it doesn't." He states, jumping off of his car hood to stand in front of you. "Think about it, you leave tomorrow right?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, like you said. You're still with me right now and we've still got-" He stops, taking a second to glance at his phone to check the time. "About sixteen and a half hours to spare.. So, why not make the most of it?"

"What are you implying?"

He sighs, taking a step closer to you to grab both your hands and pull you off his car hood himself. "Will you, y/n l/n, be my girlfriend? Even if it is, just for tonight?"

You squeeze his hands, unsure of what to say. Of course you want to say yes, this is one of the moments you've been waiting for! Something you never expected to happen! So why were you feeling so unsure?

Maybe it's because you knew this wouldn't last forever, or maybe it's because it was your best friend. Either way, each option had it's pros and cons. You just couldn't figure out which ones outweighed the other.

If you say yes, then you would've got to experience your long term crush being your boyfriend. But it also meant it would end in less than 24 hours, and what if you didn't want that? Sure long distance is an option, but would you be able to do it?

If you say no.. Then what would happen? Would tonight just end up awkward? You didn't want to pine after some boy for so long, and you sure didn't want Jisung to feel embarrassed, especially since both of you just confessed to each other.

So what do you say? You don't have all the time in the world to pick an answer.

"If I were to say yes.." You say, speaking up. "Do you promise nothing will change between us afterwards? Will we still be friends after that?"

"We can be friends." He says. "Or we can be more than friends. We can be whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."

You sigh, letting go of his hands, only taking a second to look at him.

"What?" He asks, moving to get closer to you.

"Nothing." You sigh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About.. us.. You know..  What are we going to do once the sun comes up?"

"Cry and then kiss some more?" He jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sungie.. I'm being serious. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, y/n. If I'm going to be honest I don't want to think about it either.. I didn't think that far ahead!"

"I know you didn't but we have to talk about it. It's bound to happen."

"What is?"

"Us.. breaking up.."

"You didn't even accept my offer and you're already thinking about us breaking up?" He asks. In his head it sounded okay, but by the look on your face he can tell it came off differently.

"What?" You ask.

"We could always do long distance y'know.."

"Sungie. Look at me." You sigh, looking at him in the eyes. "I'm moving across country and you're staying here, without me. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think anything was going to happen! I just wanted to spend one night with you as my girlfriend!" He yells, and you take a step back at the sudden volume change.

"You expected me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not! I didn't even plan any of this! I prepared for the worst, but then you brought up the whole liking thing and it just.. I don't know?! Gave me hope?"

"I don't know.. what'll happen when the sun comes up, y/n. I don't know what'll happen at all. I just want you to be happy.. and if that means we have to finish this night as just friends, then I'll be okay with that. We can pretend like nothing happened and we can just go on-"

"What if I don't wanna pretend like nothing happened?" You ask, cutting him off.

"What if.. I wanna say yes, but I'm just too scared to?"

"Why would you be scared?" He asks.

"Because.. if I do.. and this happens to be the best night of my life.. I don't want it to end."

"The answer I want to give you is, 'it doesn't have to end.' but that would just be a broken promise on my part." He sighs, giving you a sad smile. "But the answer I will give you is, we can make the most of it, but that's only up to you. So I'm asking you again, y/n l/n. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." You sigh, nodding your head reluctantly.

He pulls you into a hug and even though it's just a hug, it's one of the best hugs you've ever experienced. It's more on the comforting side, which would explain why you felt warm and at home. But it different from the hugs you've shared before.

"So where are we off to now?" You ask, ready to officially start tonights adventure. It comes out more muffled due to the fact that you're still holding each other.

"You're so eager." Jisung pouts. "Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

"I suppose so.. It's nice."

─ 3:06am;

The third stop of the night is diner just a couple minutes away from your high school. It's open 24hours meaning you'd see students come here after dances and school events, two of them being you two. One of the convenient things about this place was that it also had a small arcade connected to it. Maybe it was just a marketing strategy, but it worked so this is where you spent the majority of your free time.

"Hungry?" He asks, pulling up in the parking spot in front of the entrance door.

"Why are we here?" You ask, glancing over at the radio to check the time. "It's three am.."

"So?" He asks. "Let me take you on a date. We can even share a milkshake if you'd like." He teases.

"How romantic." You snort.

"Y/n!! I'm being serious!" He whines. "Do you know how badly I've wanted to take you on a date here?"

"Well.. Technically we have gone on one, multiple to be exact." You claim.

"Oh yeah? Name them."

"Our study sessions for SAT's?"

"I meant a proper date! You call suffering together while we complain about the future a proper date?!" He exclaims.

"Okay then how about all the times we came here after a dance or sport event hmm?" You ask.

"Those don't count! We went as friends!"

"I like to count them as dates.." You admit. "After all, they're the best ones I've been on."

"Oh really?" He asks. "Better than the ones that Na Jaemin has taken you on?"

"Uh, yeah? Of course?"

"Take that Jaemin!" He exclaims, causing you to giggle.

"What's your deal with him anyways?" You ask, curious on what he has to say.

"Well.. he's the person I'm competing with, right? For best boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes. "It's not a competition. Besides, if it was, then you'd automatically win." You tease. "So are we going on a date or what?"

Jisung giggles. "Yeah. Let's go."

The diner is empty. There isn't anyone but a lone police officer, drinking a cup of what you assumed to be coffee; two girls who happen to look like they're on a date, and another boy, who seemed to be around you and Jisung's age, working on paper of some sort.

Taking your seat in a familiar spot you look past Jisung (who was seated in front of you) and out the window behind him. You still have a few more hours until the sun comes up, but seeing the moon slowly make it's way down hurts just a bit.

"Hey." Jisung says, drawing your attention back at him. "You zoned out a bit there, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" He teases.

"Pffft! You wish!" You say a little bit too loudly, earning a glare from the cop seated a few booths away from you.

"So about that milkshake.." You trail off. "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry."

You scrunch your nose at his answer. "Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugs. "It's pink, I thought it'd be romantic."

"You're cute."

"I know."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I'll take it as one."

"I- Nevermind."

"Whaaat?"

"You're lucky you're cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

You scoff at him. "Of course I do."

"Ah, okay. Cause I think I'm cute too." He snickers.

"Hey!" You gasp, earning a light laugh from him.

"It's okay I think you're cute too." He says scrunching his nose.

You stick your tongue out at him, looking away to fake being upset.

"Ah boo hoo. Don't be like that."

You're just about to argue back when the waitress who took your order earlier places down the milkshake that Jisung ordered in the middle of you two. She also drops two straws on the table along with it. Both of you thank her and after she leaves you decide to ask Jisung a question.

"Hey Sungie?" You ask, ripping off the paper wrapping to your straw. "Why this place?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

With a smile, you shake your head no at his response and he lets out a sigh.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah!" You nod. "Why?:

"This is where I realized that I was in love with you."

It takes a second for you to process what he had just said. It doesn't hit you right away but the more that you think about it, the more you realize what he meant.

"O-Oh.. Here?" You ask, as if you were unsure of where you were.

He nods in response and watches as you try to put together the pieces of how he figured out he loved you.

"Why?" You ask. "It's not like we've done anything special here. The most we've done is come here after prom.. and the rest of the dances I guess, but prom is the only one that I can really think about."

He giggles. "It doesn't have to be a big event for it to mean something y'know. I realized I was in love with you the summer going into sophomore year. You remember how we came here that night? After I so happened to convince you to sneak out and come to the movies with me?"

"Duh!" You exclaim. "How can I ever forget that?! I had to climb out my fucking window for you, do you know how scary that was? And we had to walk all the way there because neither of us could drive yet!"

"Hey in my defense I said that Johnny could've driven us. You just didn't wanna get caught!"

You roll your eyes at him. "No. That is not why, and hey! Don't try to make this conversation about me! You're the one who's supposed to be explaining stuff right now!"

"Damn." He scoffs. "Ya caught me. Well, anyways, before I was rudely interrupted-"

"You're the one who asked me a question!" You defend.

Ignoring you, he continues. "You remember how we were sitting in this spot, complaining about sophomore year before it even started?"

You nod.

"Well you were going off on some kind of rant- I don't even remember what it was about- but you just kept talking and you didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening because I was too busy admiring how you looked. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, and both of us were very much sleep deprived but for some reason, it just hit me. I don't remember what it was about you, but it was that moment when I realized 'oh my god. this is what it's like to be in love.' y'know? Like you're finally realizing what it's like to be in love with someone, rather than just loving someone. Do you get what I mean?"

You shake your head no.

"Oh c'mon!" He whines. "I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about! It's like finally realizing what all the love songs are about, it's just like.. some kind of feeling! And it was just different how I felt from you, being my best friend, and you, being the person I had a crush on. I don't know how to explain it.. but it was just.. amazing."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Is that so? Well.. then maybe I do know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"You just did it."

"Wha- huh?! What did I do?"

"You're cute." You giggle.

"You weren't listening, huh?" He says, smiling.

"Nope! Not at all."

"So you do know what I'm talking about then?"

"Of course I do."

"You're so cute." He giggles.

"I know." You respond.

"I'm glad we agree."

─ 5:22am;

The last stop of the night is some place familiar. You didn't expect this location as much as you did others, so when Jisung decided to park here you didn't know what else to say.

"We're at.. your place?"

"Yeah." He nods, walking towards the gate that lead to his backyard.

"We're not going inside?" You ask, confused on where you were going.

"Pffft. Inside? Why would we go in there? Now c'mon, let's go."

Following Jisung into his backyard is nice. You see a lot of roses and plants that hug the side of his house. As you continue to walk you get various memories from when you two would hang out back here, before you got bored and decided that there was more to the world than Jisung's backyard.

"Okay. Do you want to go first? Or do you want me to?" He asks once you reach a ladder that lead to the roof of his house.

"You chose a ladder?" You whine. "Why didn't we just climb out one of your windows or something?"

"Because y/n!" He teases. "Where's the fun in that? Besides we've already done that before, why not do something different tonight?"

"You mean climb a ladder to sit on your roof instead of climbing out your bedroom window like we normally do?"

"See you do get me! That's exactly what I'm saying." He exclaims. "Now c'mon, up we go!" He smiles.

It's nicer than you expected. You don't know how or when he did it but he already had not one, but two blankets prepared. You assumed he put it here before he left to pick you up or he just asked one of your friends to leave them here. Judging by the fact that they didn't feel freezing cold, and that the ladder was already propped up to the side of his house when you got here, you assumed he asked Renjun or Jeno to leave them here.

"So.." You start.

"Please don't ask why I chose my own house." He jokes.

"Okay well first of all, I wasn't." You defend. "I was gonna ask what are we doing on your roof at five in the morning, but now that you mention it.. Why did you choose your house? We could've gone to so many other places."

He gives you a confused look, allowing you to ask, "What?"

"Please tell me the second question was a joke." He sighs.

You give him a smile and he pats the empty spot next to him, signaling for you to take a seat.

"Okay y/n, since you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you, yeah?" He asks, clearly annoyed at the fact that he chose his own house for gods sake.

You giggle. "You don't have to answer it you know. I know why."

"Okay, then I'll ask you. Why?"

"Because," You tease in a sing-songy voice. "Where else would we have gone? Technically, we started tonight at my place so why not end it with yours? We've spent a significant amount of time together, right?" You ask and he gives you a nod in return.

"Exactly. So it would just make sense that we have two halves of one whole, right? You pick out the places, and I bring back the memories. Right?" You explain.

"Congratulations. You've figured it out."

"Of course?" You giggle.

"Do you wanna know why we're up here though?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"It's because we can see the sunrise better from here. Yeah we used to just sit on the roof and talk in the middle of the day, or we'd watch the sun set, but we've never really watched it rise together before, y'know?"

"Really?" You ask. "Are you sure about that? We've pulled all nighters together before!"

"Yeah but one of us is either half asleep or just not paying attention."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that." You hum.

"Do you promise we'll get a pretty sunrise?" You ask.

"Christ y/n. I don't control the weather! Who do I look like, mother nature?"

"Hey, mother nature is badass!" You scold. "She could literally end everything right here, right now."

"I suppose so." He hums, wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer to him. You rest your head against him and for a while you two just sit there in silence, no words just being said. Just the sounds of your breathing plus some birds chirping due to the current time. It's nice and comfortable. It feels like home.

You feel yourself about to start falling asleep when Jisung starts talking.

"I'm really gonna miss you.. y'know." He sighs, turning his head to look at you. If he didn't know you any better he'd think you actually fell asleep, it's only the sound of you humming the word "yeah?" that informs him you're still awake.

"What's the thing you're gonna miss most about me?" You ask.

"You expect me to chose one?" He asks, only earning another hum in response.

"Okay.. Well.. For starters, I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I'm gonna miss not being able to text my best friend 'hey let's hangout today' and then just sitting in my room playing Mario Kart with you for the next three hours. I'm gonna miss your little roasts that you'd pull on me whenever I do anything stupid. I'm gonna miss our boba runs we used to have each week. I'm gonna miss causing chaos on the rest of our friends because how else are they going to prepare for trouble if there isn't two of us? There's so many things that I'm gonna miss about you that I could just go on and on about but we don't have enough time for that." He sighs.

"Really.. I'm just gonna miss you."

A second passes before Jisung decides to speak up again. "Are you gonna miss me too?"

"That's a silly question." You sigh. "Of course I am dummy. You expect me to not miss you? What am I gonna do without my partner in crime? My best friend and technically my boyfriend? You expect me to move across country and not miss you at all? Are you insane?!"

"Only a little." He jokes, earning a light punch from you.

"If I could take you with me I would."

"So why don't you?"

"Where are you gonna live? My fucking closet? I can't let you do that, you'll get too cramped in there." You joke.

"I guess.." He pouts.

"So.. What's gonna happen.. between us?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're watching the sun rise, aren't we?"

"I guess.. I just didn't expect it to fly by that fast.." You mumble.

Another moment of comfortable silence passes before either of you say anything. This one lasts for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, with the only sounds being your shallow breathing catching your attention. It's comforting, just being like this. Laying on Jisung's side while having his arm wrapped around you and a blanket hugging you both. The wind picks up a breeze every now and then making you shiver a bit due to the lack of warmth but that only makes you snuggle closer to Jisung in hopes of stealing his body heat.

"Thank you.. for tonight." You whisper. "It's all I could've asked for."

"I'm really glad you liked it. I'm just happy I got to spent time with you before you left." He chuckles.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Yeah?"

"So much."

The sunrise is pretty. It's one of the best ones you've seen in your entire life. It consisted of pinks, and yellows, and a little bit of purple. Though there were wispy clouds in it, it was like the earth was telling you it's okay to move on and go. Some may say it would be a perfect way to end a beautiful night,  or in your case, the perfect way to say goodbye.

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

[ravenclaw-reblogs]

i saw bother my askbox post and what if i ask every single one bc i am asking rn-

(the post)

okay here we go... 😂

I'm not wearing any, but they were black earlier today.

Yes, to get kid's tickets/discounts ecs.

I meant to start French and Italian again on Duolingo on the 1st, but forgot.

Sandi Toksvig said when she met her wife it felt like being struck by lightning, and Sandi Toksvig would never lie to me so... yes, I like to.

In my French Writing mock exam.

6ish? and my dad.

Yes, actually, but it's complicated...

Usually whatever it isnt, I crave summer in winter and winter in summer.

I've never had an actual crush on an actual person I know, I get called picky.

I'm too much of a wimp for dark magic...

I've had Saving All My Love stuck in my head all day so... that.

Rose or Geranium scented things remind me of my Nan.

There's an old manor house near my village called Plas Teg that is rumoured to be haunted by a lady who drowned in the well and is prone to running out into the road that goes past the house grounds, is that an urban legend?

Nail biting and clicking my knuckles when I'm nervous.

For years I checked behind the shower curtain every time I went in the bathroom in case of burglars, and I started doing it again recently so, that.

Violin.

I dont have a strong type, but anyone who you could headcanon as Sirius Black I am WEAK for (my friend says I have a 'Jesus Fetish' because I like guys with long hair 😂).

Stay in. 10000%.

"Bye" when I left this afternoon.

Definitely.

Nope. Where would I even be going?

Not at all, regrettably.

My friends have been posting some frankly embarrassing photos since it's my birthday 🤦‍♂️

We call it sledging (sled-jing), and whenever it last snowed heavily, so probably a few years ago.

I'm get to meet someone crush-worthy, so no (luckily, I dont need real life angst)

It's one syllable, so no. I did once have a teacher who missed pronounced my surname (which is very common where I live), idek how she managed it honestly.

Perhaps, wherever I end up really.

Nope, total wimp.

My mum (see No.19)

Dancing, I'm working hard on it.

My best friend has at least 1 crisis a day, so many many times.

Shepherd's pie, I think? or panna cotta?

Not right now, hopefully one day.

Sometimes. It would take me hours to fall asleep when I was a kid.

In the next village over.

Like half an hour?

Somewhere between 2 and 7am? (it's lockdown, I dont need to be up)

I dont know, probably cos I was anxious.

We occasionally have contests at my dance school of who case keep their balance right on their toes the longest. last time I tied first place with a little girl.

Not at all.

Probably not. Nothing against people who do, I'm just not strong enough.

A turkey bap.

I like to think so, but yk... insecurity...

I dont think so? I've nearly got hit by a car a few times but I wouldn't have died.

What I think or what my anxiety thinks?

Michael, after my Grandad. It's okay?

Could be closer.

Nope.

I wear glasses, I have curly brown hair, green eyes, I'm tallish for my age, and honestly could play Remus Lupin.

I'm insecure, sarcastic, pessimistic, lowkey camp and awkward.

[cannot-copia]

Bruh I’m going on an airplane the first time today so the first time isn’t going across the ocean to France and I just woke up from a dream about it

We got to the airport and like got checked in and everything I guess and they were like ok go sit in those chairs over there so we did

and once the chairs were full (it was like 9 or 10 rows of 3) the floor opened and revealed they were actually on a track like a rollercoaster and just started going up through the ceiling on a really steep track (like literally almost 90°) then doing sharp turns as it went other places and you just had to like balance and hold on to not fall off

Then it got to the destination and just dropped like it was on a pendulum???? like yk those rides that are sometimes like a big boat that swings back and forth

(It should be noted I am v afraid of rollercoaster and those rides as well as airplanes)

then I just,,,, jumped off bc scary and I guess it was the place you wait right before you get on the plane but it looked like 90’s roller rink decor with like dirty black carpet with neon squiggles and all and the bathroom was just like a 1 room thing and the door didn’t even shut and there was some guy sitting on the floor crying with his knees like up to his chin

like I’m sure airports can’t actually be like that but why does my brain do this to me 😭

[royalmokwamonster]

18/1/2022

Wooo first post in 2022! Yay

Uh how and where do I even start lmao

Ig I should share off saying that I block T form all my socials but her official number::: lol bc I can’t anymore. What you’re reading makes it lol like I’m giving up on her, but actually I give up finding anymore for more energy of mine to give to her. I give up not on her but us, I even felt HOW DARE I FEEL THAT NOW LOOKING BACK AT IT not for me but for her to prove herself - making it look like I’m just a job to be check on. I engaged most of the fucking time so fuck u saying “I’m trying my best, you’re asking a lot from me, you’re not helping be get to ur fairness of standards when u need to understand u just got to adjust to me” “I can’t acc come I don’t have gas or money or money for gas….. but yk I do have enough time seeing strangers over a girl who force literally every day to hang w u since FaceTime is too much to ask for your routine, and getting raw dick on your period or enough money to buy plan B. I always clarify I choose you “I never asked for u to join, I’m okay alone” YK HOW MUCH THAT HURT “I don’t appreciate you going to my mom to contact me— WEL PUCK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE” No because HHAH remember me how u promise you be better calling me now since you’re out of your parents home….. o wait, can’t rn? You’re working? It’s not like I made fucking time for u when I was capable balancing 2 jobs, cheer and school WOOOPS I’m just so goofy! And did I really chose to postpone homework and invited you over for the weekend that u said u can’t:( awe, fuck you!

I moved out of res, LOL I didn’t mean to rant but yk #2022 #keepingitreal — veneer since I moved back, I just find no motivation at all to u pack my shit, fold my shit, organize my desk, I CANT. I don’t know. I am trying to incorporate an hour walk in my routine but looks I can’t get my shit together. I have no motivation. My clothes and furniture is everywhere. The drive disappeared.

Lord please guide me and please give me more patience. It’s only the official first day back to school and I really chose to be in bed. It’s currently 2:09AM. Help me find her again.