#but i cant help that i feel so detached and kind of bitter at the same time

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[thorasreblogpile]

seeing the cute bts stuff of rhys and taika is nice but. I feel so detached from it

[fanficonly]

Wenclair- "Mine" -Chapter 18

Here it is the final chapter of this fanfic. Thank you to everyone who read, liked, commented and reblogged. This has been one of my favourite stories to write!

I am also considering writing a sequel in the future ...let me know what you think?😋

----

"Wednesday" Enid breathed out in response, bracing herself for her next words, her hand freely tightening around Wednesday's cold but comforting hand.

She wasn't ready to let go.

Not just yet.

She was going to hold onto this feeling, hold onto her hand and hold onto Wednesday for as long as the Gods,or Wednesday herself, permitted it.

...

"I think we need to re-evaluate the terms of our current relationship" Wednesday spoke rather formally in order to detach herself from her unpredictable emotions. As if her heart didn't emit a spark for the first time in years that allowed it to finally beat at a regular pace just at the sight of Enid.

"Are you trying to say you actually want to be like... Dating?" Enid didn't think her smile could get any wider but low and behold it did as the word "Dating" crossed her lips cautiously.

"I wouldn't use such trivial terminology but yes I suppose I am" Wednesday agreed with Enid. She wasn't going to pretend in her own head that she wasn't aware of how abnormally attracted to the werewolf she was. This moment had been building for an immeasurable amount of time and if it hadn't of been for the many MANY distractions and imminent death scenarios maybe this would have happened sooner.

"You're so formal" Enid chuckled a little, still nervous at the closeness that she continued to experience from Wednesday.

"The action I just participated in was far from formal Enid" Wednesday said bluntly again but her lips betrayed her with a twitch at the very recent memory.

"So that wasn't a one off?' Enid asked again. She knew the kiss happening was an absolute miracle and her anxiety was practically bouncing off the walls of her brain with the idea that it was all just some sick anomaly caused by the trauma Wednesday had suffered... But of course this wasn't overthinking.

"Do I look like the kind of person who does something as a 'one off' Enid" Wednesday explained her tone laced with offense.

"No of course not" Enid shook her head, biting her lip nervously.

"Unless you would prefer it to be but judging by-" Wednesday began. She wasn't great at reading people when it came to emotional ordeals so she was ready to accept whatever Enid decided, no matter how painful. Of course she barely got the words out before the blonde almost violently yelled

"NO" the harsh word flew from her lips loudly "Sorry I-" she composed herself before trying again "Yes I feel like my confession of my undying l-the- well feelings for you and the whole mate thing was enough to make that clear" she answered, happy with her words.

"Extremely so" Wednesday droned out, almost bitter that she felt so much around the werewolf. It threw her off balance, it changed her, it made her... More human. How disturbing she thought to herself.

"Sooo..." Enid elongated the word waiting for Wednesday to finish for her.

"So?" Wednesday asked. She was painfully aware that she should not be the one to take control of this situation due to lack of experience and her own uneasiness around the topic so she couldn't help the little voice inside her that irritated at Enid

"You liked the kiss?" She asked hopefully.

Wednesday thought for a moment but to Enid it felt like a year. She was not able to deny her feelings for much longer and she definitely cant hide it now that she had let Enid violate the sanctity of her mouth.

"Surpringly the amount of physical contact and intimacy was ..." She started, giving herself another moment to find the right word "Acceptable" she decided. But in reality the kiss was exceptional to the Addams Girl and she couldn't help but long for their lips to be connected again. This wasn't something that the supposedly unemotional girl could just admit to though. She was already looking at her lovely, safe yet conflicting comfort zone in the rear view mirror of her mind, what else did the universe need from her?

"Wow, acceptable, I don't usually get that response when I kiss someone" Enid scrunched her eyebrows as if she was trying to figure out whether or not she had heard Wednesday right.

"I apologise I'm not well versed in ... Relationship terminology... Or relationships" Wednesday admitted a whisper of vulnerability floating in the air as she turned her head away from Enid's eyes.

"It's okay" Enid supported her, understandably and let her continue on.

"I'm finding it hard to put into words the way you just made me feel Enid. The fact I felt something other than my usual feelings of disdain and misery is disconcerting as is." She admitted, fighting the urge to be close with Enid once again. She buried the voices in her head violently and ignored their distant cries for Enid's touch.

"I get it Wednesday that's just you" she shrugged. "I accept that" Enid smiled but Wednesday was still faced away from her "Look at me" she reached out, hesitating for a second before lightly turning Wednesday's face towards her again.

After her initial shock at her shameless tolerance of her new love interest's touch, she blinked.

"So acceptable was the correct word" she piped up, a sense of pride in her aura.

"I'd use a stronger word but sure" Enid giggled again and Wednesday couldn't help but admire her ability to spin things positively, her lip almost jerking into a smile.

"Well tell me how you feel and I will agree or disagree" Wednesday negotiated, hoping this would help her understand. It wasn't the most romantic way to profess her love for Enid but she just wasn't able to figure out what to say without completely ruining everything.

"Sure that's one way to communicate" she laughed again but it trailed away in the wind when she zoned in on the raven haired girl, still sat staring at her expectantly.

Wednesday didn't speak just waited patiently for her to continue, trying to decipher the second new emotion Enid had extracted from deep within her. She felt unsteady, unsure, unwell almost but after she heard Enid's voice again everything in her silently settled.

"It felt Incredible" she shamelessly admitted. "Wednesday you are beautiful and I can't describe how much I want to be near you and just for you to let me kiss you like that I can imagine was hard but-" Enid's romantic monologue was interrupted by Wednesday's sharp voice.

"It wasn't hard - I actually want to do it again." She professed. NERVOUS. She was nervous. Her eyes grew wide after finally realising that second emotion she felt was anxiety. A foreign and unnatural feeling to the Raven. No wonder she felt so unstable. But she pushed forward with plenty of resistance and continued when she saw Enid's eyes light up.

"It was oddly exhilarating Enid, I think..." she hesitated, letting out a slow and shaky breath "I have the same feelings as you" she tightened her lips as the words left her mouth "It is...in all honesty... it is difficult to describe." Her eyes grew with realisation "To extraordinary to describe" she mumbled the dictionary definition, breaking eye contact for only a moment. "Indescribable" she whispered as she looked back at Enid, she noticed the range of emotions that seemed to fill out her features and Wednesday had to clear her throat discreetly before continuing

"Although I do not possess the equivalent primal animalistic force pushing me towards you that you experience with me so" she observed, battling with her own self. Enid's mouth fell open slowly while Wednesday spoke, feeling elated that this was finally happening.

Enid finally chose between the array of emotions she was feeling and teared up as she spoke "Wednesday I think you just explained it far better than acceptable." She smiled widely letting her eyes leak uncontrollably. Wednesday didn't find their emotional intimacy hard. She found it exhilarating?! She made Wednesday feel like that?! She had the SAME FEELINGS FOR HER?! Enid's whole body vibrated with happiness as she tried to figure out what to do next.

"Okay" Wednesday agreed, absentmindedly raising her hand and brushing her thumb across Enid's cheek to remove the acidic substance leaking from her eyes. "So how exactly do we proceed?" She asked bringing her hand back towards her own face.

"I-Im not sure I know what you mean?" Enid's mind went blank as she watched Wednesday raise her thumb to her lips and taste the tears that had left her eyes. Grazing her thumb slowly down her lips and subtly licking her lower lip to taste the drop of emotion that had been filtered through Enid's tear duct. Enid bit her own lip in an attempt to compose the many MANY unholy thoughts that invaded her mind at the sight of this.

Wednesday smirked down at the place where water used to reside on her hand and whispered to herself "Happy Tears Taste different to those of the tortured and tormented" she declared and Enid choked at the sentence, clearing her throat and attempting to find the good in what she had just heard. Weirdly enough a lot of dark thoughts about what Wednesday could be referring to were released into her brain but they were immediately disintegrated by the usual sunshine that swallowed her insides.

"That's..." She slowed her words "Educational" she spoke "Very scientific of you" she chuckled nervously, somewhat relieved that she had been snapped out of her amorous state.

Wednesday had not even realised she had muttered those words and to someone like her she thought she had just openly spoke romantically towards Enid so soon after their first kiss. However, she also observed that to Enid that was probably (Definitely) a rather sadistic sentence she had constructed and let slip from her inner demonic thoughts.

"It both amazes me and concerns me that you can so easily defend my morbid thoughts ...maybe that is also something I find-" she paused again unable to say the word but also unable to find a tolerable equivalent. So she gave up "attractive about you" she finished and nodded her head approvingly.

"Thanks!" Enid shrugged not finding it odd at all but instead just enjoying the balance they had fallen into over the last few months. She commended herself in her own head for staying civil rather than letting her brain turn to mush at the idea of Wednesday finding her attractive and openly telling her this.

"So you are my lover now?" Wednesday asked politely. Enid bit the inside of her cheeks to combat the laugh that threatened to erupt from within.

"You're so old fashioned." Enid couldn't help but giggle as she threw her head back slightly. "Yes I am your girlfriend now as long as that is something you also want" her words slowed as she move towards Wednesday, her eyes glazed in hopeless optimism.

"Cara Mia, I think I have made it clear that this is definitely something I desire ...have I not? " she questioned, contemplating ways she could force the wolf to understand. Calling her by a term of endearment she thought was a good start because Enid absolutely swooned.

"Well you know-I just-you're Wednesday Addams and honestly I have thought about this exact scenario in my head A LOT and the outcome was never this positive I'm kind of like totally freaking out Wednesday" Enid gave her an awkward smile while her body betrayed her, shaky with anxiety.

Wednesday wanted to take a large 900 pound weight and crush the anxiety that Enid felt but as this was an impossible occurrence she decided to swallowed back her pride, the feeling burning like venom in her trachea.

"Well how about this" she took a deep breath in and placed her hand on Enid's cheek delicately.

"Enid Sinclair, I ask your permission to court you, do you accept?" She asked, with a charming and alluring tone this time, staring at the blonde with a glint of hopefulness in her eyes.

She tried. She tried so hard to remain serious but after snapping out of her dazed condition she caved.

"I can honestly say that was an incredibly unique way of telling me you would like me to be your girlfriend" she burst into a fit of giggles laying back on the bed and Wednesday looked down at Enid with a small but genuine smile on her lips.

Once she had calmed down she noticed Wednesday's smile and beamed, sitting up right.

"Omg! Omg! You're smiling again!" She grabbed at Wednesday's wrists excitedly.

Wednesday scolded herself but also allowed herself a little bit of leeway considering the beautifully dramatic and adorable response this had elicited from Enid. She looked down at the wolf's hands and as if by some conditioned response, Enid quickly retracted her hands and spoke

"Oh sorry" looking away from Wednesday worriedly.

Wednesday furrowed her brow at the reaction. She knew why it had happened but accepting everything she felt for Enid had caused her to suddenly become hostile. She opened her mouth to scold the blonde but stopped and permitted herself a moment to think.

After what felt like an eternity Wednesday finally broke the silence causing Enid to snap her head back towards her.

"Be mine" she said quietly "Just ... Be mine Enid Sinclair and I will be yours" she pushed past all of her natural impulses and instead grabbed Enid's hands softly and pulled them back into her grasp. There was no need for Enid to feel like she couldn't touch Wednesday anymore surely.

Enid moved forward, her wolf's intrusive voice ringing in her ears. She wanted Wednesday, needed her. Needed to feel her lips again and be close to her once more. So she closed her eyes and captured the seer's lips with hers , softly kissing her again.

She smiled into the kiss, her hand creeping its way up the Seer's arm towards her shoulder, the other still tightly interlaced with Wednesday's hands

As she pulled back a low, possessive growl escaped her own lips through her fangs, and she noticed Wednesday's positive reaction to this. She moved her now clawed hand to the back of Wednesday's neck as she rested her forehead onto hers.

"Mine" she growled before settling into Wednesdays arms in a desperate hug, still awaiting her inevitable dream to end and for her to wake up in the woods somewhere unaware she had been dreaming.

But that didn't happen.

This was real.

Wednesday Addams was her mate and she accepted Enid Sinclair as hers.

"Yours" Wednesday whispered into the crook of Enid's neck, wrapping her arms securely around the werewolf, in an attempt to infuse their bodies together forever.

[unohanadaydreams]

This was originally an ask I answered quite a while ago that I’ve gone back and edited. It went from 1k to 1.6k words so it’s been significantly reworked, so much so that if you’ve read it before, it’s enough of a new piece that you’ll hopefully enjoy reading it again! I’ve edited the original ask to reflect all changes, but believe me--it’s been through a transformation.

But, yeah, I’ve gotten quite a few asks for hurt/comfort Ukitake so this is an offering for all of you!! He only suffers a lil bit. <3

so close and yet so far from death [1.6k]

Jushiro Ukitake x Reader:

Falling to her knees, Kiyone pressed her blubbering face against the thin door. “He won’t tell us! Not a thing,” she said, like she was struggling to contain a sob.

Sentaro’s arms circling around her waist, he tugged her to a stand.

“We tried our best.” Despite his eyes holding yours, it seemed more a reassurance for the down trodden Kiyone leaning against him.

Your smile was soft when it lifted.

When had they ever failed at keeping their captain first in their hearts and minds?

“Of course, you did,” you said, trying to infuse your thanks into a tender tone. “Thank you for your efforts.”

Relieving them from their post with a squeeze to Sentaro’s shoulder and a ruffle of Kiyone’s hair, you pressed on.

And immediately crouched to the floor, your fingers smoothing over the warm knit blanket tossed in the entry way, your heart squeezing.

Oh, Jushiro.

You smothered your face in the blanket. Breathed in his scent. Desperate to collect yourself with arms full of buttery soft yarn. You waited, crouched and tense, for the knot of tears that pricked at your throat to loosen and dissolve away.

The growing sadness only made the tears spill. How hypocritical of you--wishing  Jushiro would see more than pity in your actions, while you paused here…pitying you both.

With a soft determination, you nodded, brushed tears from warm cheeks.

“Right!” Using the momentum of your renewed hope, you hoisted yourself up, wrapped the blanket around your shoulders, and toed off both your sandals. Your thoughts of ‘poor Jushiro’ left in the doorway with them.

The blanket hugged you, warm and comfortable as you padded across the tatami mat to the backyard. You might have paused longer without the yarn-spun shield--near dead, with Fall smoothly moving to embrace Winter, the garden looked unwelcoming.

The chill of stepping outside slapped at your exposed face in uneven bursts of wind, but you persisted, fingers foisted in the blanket.

You seemed to spot him all at once, as though the slump of his frame had camouflaged him. His bleak mood folding him into the similarly blanched surroundings.

He was without his captain’s coat. The thin, faded kimono he often wore to bed was all that shielded him from the wind’s bite. Strands of his long, bone white hair lifted, like the wind was a mouth, tugging.

You kept your feet steady despite the worry, unsure if the deep concern you felt would cause him to flee; a deer bolting at the first crunch of underbrush.

“Jushiro,” you said. Your voice tensed his shoulders, caused his head to jump as though roused from thought.

Your arms de-tangled from the wool and draped it over his shoulders before you sank beside him. “Your lieutenants are sulking like puppies, you know.”

“Hm. They should be used to it by now,” he said in a melancholy tone that you struggled to hear. Jushiro never spoke about the silly tag team who constantly trailed him like that.

‘Patience be damned,’ you thought. Groaning loud and forceful you smacked your cold hands against your equally frost licked cheeks. “I can’t do it!”

Jushiro finally turned to you, eyebrows raised.

“I can’t stand seeing you so down on yourself,” you carried on, the steam of your outrage warming you, causing your breath to puff in white clouds. “And I’m not leaving until you talk to me!”

He winced, a bitter twist raising his lips at the sight of your hand grabbing for his. “I couldn’t get through the proposal.”

“It was just bad timing.”

His gaze retreated, moving to track flashing scales of sluggish, well-fed koi instead.

“Yes, exactly,” Jushiro croaked. “What if it’s always bad timing? Will you be so understanding when it’s our wedding day that I’m coughing up blood at?”

Your hand tightened around his, rubbing at his pale, thin fingers. “Of course,” you said, trying to contain your frustration. “Jushiro, I love you. I love all of you. Not just when you’re healthy or when life is easy.”

His dark brown eyes met yours for a breathless moment before his hand squeezed back and he laced your fingers together. “You deserve someone like that, -chan. Someone healthy. Who makes life easy.”

You couldn’t have shaken your head with anymore force, wishing you could smash your forehead against his and force every ounce of your feelings through his thick skull. Jushiro’s determination to upend your point tightened your throat.

“No,” you said, voice quivering in frustration. “I deserve the man who proposed to me because he loves me so much he wants to spend his life with me!! I--”

His arms were tugging at your back before you could speak further. Your deep, shuddering breath sucked the cotton fabric against his chest to your lips as you began to cry in earnest.

There was nothing to do but say it once more--”I love you, Jushiro. I do.”

“Oh,” he said, so mournful in his regret. “My dear.”

“Am I?,” you sobbed. “Then why can’t I be your wife, too?”

His hair tickled at your ears as it cascaded over you, his chin sharp against your scalp. “You are--oh, you are.”

He called your name, then again, and again, each utterance more bare than the last. “It’s just like me to forget how far pride forces you from others, isn’t it.”

Jushiro’s lips pressed to the top of your head, the chill of his own tears pooling between the kiss. The proof of his hurt did nothing to satisfy you. But your crying slowed, your arms hugging him, hands meeting behind his shaking back.

“Yes, but you understand now, don’t you? You’re not a sickness I need shielded from.”

Arms almost crushing, he held you tightly, for long minutes that were marked only by soft crying and whistling wind. “Thank you,” he managed after his body had grown steady.

Your tears wet his kimono in a warm pool of relief as he rubbed firm circles against your back. Your hands clutch at his sides, pressing to feel the warm of his body.

“Forgive me, please. I’m just so used to...”--Jushiro grappled for words and you waited for him to wrestle the correct ones down--”keeping it hidden. Only being sick behind closed doors, away from everyone, and coming back when it’s through. There doesn’t seem to be any room for that kind of separation in marriage.”

“No,” you agreed. “I wouldn’t want there to be.”

Tentative, almost too low for you to hear anything but the vibration of his chest, he said, “I don’t want it to be that way either.”

“So, if you understand” you sniffle, muffled by fabric and skin and salty tears, failing at light-hearted. “Are we still getting married?”

Jushiro pushed at your shoulders until you felt the wind drying your tears in a cruel chill. His thin hands cupped your face, thumbs swiping at the damp tracks trailing your cheeks. You did the same for him. “-chan,” he sighed, tender and reassuring. “Would you marry a silly man like me? Through all my sickness and little bits of health?”

Puffs of visible warmth formed between your faces as you chuckled in pathetic, wet hiccups. “Yes. For the second time, yes.”

Jushiro relaxed fully in one large breath as he leaned forward to kiss you, both of you unbothered by the mingling tears wetting your faces or the briny taste of them shared between your tongues.

His hands cradled your back and pressed you fully against him as he deepened the kiss, his head canting to the side. The blanket fell from his shoulders. Tumbling from your reach as you locked your arms around his neck.

Your lips detached from Jushiro’s as a thump sounded from the porch, Shunsui’s voice registering seconds after.

“Well, what did I say, you two?”

Quick enough to bring spots to your eyes, you turned to see Sentaro’s body lying prone against the wood, his fingers shielding a blushed face. Both he and Kiyone looked mortified, yet unable to look away as Shunsui glided toward you.

“C-captain we-we just,” Kiyone said, her teeth chattering in anxiety as she squashed her face with clutching hands, fingers wide enough to allow her eyes an unobstructed view.

“We came to celebrate the newlyweds,” Shunsui interrupted, smoothly raising a large, elegantly decorated bottle of unopened sake. “But don’t let us interrupt you just yet. Sake’s always sweeter with a view, after all. And something tells me it was just getting good.”

Jushiro inhaled deeply as he hugged you close again, but his brown eyes were light, twinkling with humor. “I should thank you to keep that particular gaze away from my future wife.”

Freeing your head with a twist, you eyed Shunsui with a dramatized sniff, your own arms tight around Jushiro’s body. “Sorry, but that was the end of whatever show you were hoping for!”

Shunsui flopped boneless to the porch. With a wink, he began pouring booze into large drinking saucers and you couldn’t help but grin. “Maaa. Just my luck.”

“We’ll be going now, captain!” Kiyone bowed dramatically, tugging at Sentaro’s uniform with enough force to tug it loose from his obi, as she backed away. “We’re so happy for you!”

“Congratulations, captain! I’m the happiest I’ve ever BEEN for you!”

“Everyone’s going to be so excited!!”

“Kiyone! How dare you?! I would NEVER spread this information without our captain’s permission!”

“Wha--no! Captain, I meant when they find out! I would hate even MORE to spread your private information around.”

Your laughter warmed everything inside you. Jushiro’s arms holding you helping just as much.

Thanking them, you and he dismissed them with fond smiles that they took with them, their bickering explosive with relief.

As Jushiro pressed his lips to your cheek and led you to the porch, you were glad for both his and Shunsui’s hand helping you to kneel. Your soul felt so light, without them, you’d surely float away.

[that-sarcastic-slytherin]

Help Me Forget

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader x Tony Stark

- - -

The streets were busy and lively as you pushed your way through, desperate to fight the crowds and return to the safety of your home.

It had been a relatively normal day, a good day, up until you had stumbled across one little happening. 

Up until you had seen them.

As you walked briskly on the darkened pavement, you tried frantically to rid your mind of the troubling thought, but no matter how hard you tried, the images kept flooding right back.

Your eyes filled with tears as you recalled the unfortunate incident.

You had gone out on a food run for the group, it was a usual occurrence and it just so happened to be your turn. You had turned up at the restaurant to pick up your order, when you saw something that made you freeze in your tracks.

Sitting on a table not too far away, was Steve. Much to your shock, he was not alone. He was sitting across from a unfamiliar woman, looking very cosy. Too cosy. 

When you had first seen him, you thought you had imagined it. Perhaps, you had mistook a stranger for the Captain. No. You soon realised that you had seen right.

The sight had shocked you so much, that you turned around and speedily left the restaurant. The food long forgotten.

Returning back to the present moment, as you made your way back home, you had more time to process what had happened, but it only made it worse.

You and Steve had a history, to say the least. You had joined the Avengers not long before the attack on Ultron. The former solider was kind and gentle to you, two things that you had never been very familiar with, given your harsh background. You had found comfort in his warm personality, and you soon became good friends. Shortly after, friendship had blossomed into something more, and the two of you were known around the tower, as the 'power couple,' of the group. You were inseparable, and highly protective of each other. You were in love. Plain and simple.

However, your loving relationship came crashing down when you had got badly injured in an assignment. It was risky to begin with, but Fury had needed all of the team. You had been fighting off a gang of radical soldiers with Natasha, when the Hulk had a huge break out, he had lost control and the team needed Natasha to get to him, quick. Subsequently, Steve made the call for Natasha to go to Banner and go through their lullaby.

What he didn't know, was that you were left alone with a very large group of bloodthirsty lunatics.

You had given the best you could, but there had been too many for you to fight off. By the time Natasha had warned Steve that you were on your own, it was too late.

Steve and Tony arrived to see you on the floor, unconscious, with blood pouring out from gaping wounds. They had rushed you back to the jet and straight to the hospital at S.H.I.E.L.D., where you underwent intense treatment, but had also slipped into a coma.

For weeks Steve sat with you, begging you to wake up. The image of how he had found you haunted him deeply, he knew he would never be able to forget what he did. When you finally woke up, you didn't remember much about the attack, which turned out to be a blessing. 

However, you also woke up to a very broken man.

Steve was left traumatised after the event. No matter how hard you or any other of the avengers tried, he could not and would not accept that he was not responsible to what had happened to you. He blamed himself entirely. He could not live with the fact that he had caused you any sort of pain of injury. He could not bear the guilt and shame. 

As an unfortunate result, Steve had made the painful decision to distance himself from you. He had told you that he could not be with you anymore, that you deserved better than him, that you needed someone who could always protect you.

Needless to say, you had not taken it very well. At all. You thought he was being too hard on himself, to the point where it was ridiculous. He was being infuriatingly stubborn, and you told him as much, but he would not listen. He had made up his mind. He hated himself for putting you in danger, and it was too difficult for him to be around you, knowing that truth.

The two of you had been separated for a little over six months now. You thought that you had finally come to a place where you could deal with it better. It was hard and painful at times, but you had tried your best to come to a place of acceptance, knowing that he was not going to change his mind. 

However, seeing him, the man that you had loved, the man who had detached himself from you, seeing him with another woman...and looking so-so happy...it killed you. It hurt you in ways that you didn’t expect. The pain that you felt in your heart, reminded you just how much you still loved him. 

You were also angry. Very angry. 

You couldn’t believe that he had the audacity to do that to you, to simply find someone else and move on...casting you aside.

As you marched back into the tower, you had one single bitter thought in mind; ‘if he can move on so quickly, then so can I!’

The elevator doors rolled back when you reached the main floor. You took a deep breath then strolled into the allotment, very much aware of the multiple pairs of eyes upon you.

“Hey, Y/N,” greeted Clint from his seat on the sofa, but you ignored him, causing him and Natasha to exchange a concerned glance.

Piertro, who was over by the bar, noticed your empty hands and frowned. “Where is the food?”

“Didn’t get it.” Was all you replied, as you continued to stalk through the floor, passing by all your perplexed friends. 

Piertro pouted sadly. “Aw, but I’m hungry.”

Wanda rolled her eyes at her brother. “You’re always hungry.”

“What? I have a really fast metabolism.”

Bruce couldn’t help but pipe up at the scientific inconsistency. “Actaully, that has nothing to do with how your appetite works...”

You left the room as if you had never even heard them, your mind bubbling with too many things.

Noticing the hard glare that you were wearing as you walked away, Clint asked the others, “what was that all about?”

You walked up the stairs to your own floor, but didn’t go into your room. No. Instead, you stopped right outside a black, shiny door, and quickly knocked on it. The door opened and Tony stared back at you in momentary confusion, before registering that it was you.

He quickly fixed a charming smirk onto his handsome face. “Hi, sweetheart.”

You didn’t reply but gazed at him with semi-guarded emotions. He saw the pain in your eyes that you were half-halfheartedly trying to hide, and immediately sobered.

“Whats wrong, Y/N?”

You shook your head, not being able to say anything aloud just yet. “Can I come in?” You asked.

Tony answered your question by moving back and gesturing for you to enter, his concern increasing. Wordlessly, you went in and sat down on the large bed, waiting as he joined you.

You just sat there for a few moments, gathering your thoughts. Tony waited patiently, knowing that something had definitely upset you.

Finally, you managed to summon the courage to speak the words out loud.

“I saw Steve...with another woman...”

Your words were left to hang in the air, as Tony tried to process what you said. He looked at you worriedly, but was sure that you had to be mistaken.

“Are you positive it was Cap?”

“Absolutely. I saw them together at the restaurant when I went to get the food.”

Tony couldn’t quite believe it. It didn’t sound like the Cap he knew. “Maybe it wasn’t what you thought, maybe they’re just friends. Or he could have saved her from a burning building, its Cap, that’s kind of his thing. He can’t resist being the hero.”

You didn't laugh at the jesting in his voice, instead you merely looked at him tiredly. "I know what I saw, Tony. Steve is never that comfortable with someone he's just met, not like he was with her. There was familiarity between them, and not just the friendly kind."

Tony was finding it hard to comprehend how Cap, Cap of all people, could be on a date with another girl. A girl that wasn't you...it didn't make sense, and yet, there was no mistaking the striking betrayal that lay in your pretty eyes.

He reached out and rested his arm across your shoulders, drawing you into his side in an attempt to offer you some kind of comfort. He didn't know what he could say to make you feel better, if there was anything at all. The break up had been pretty rough on you, and to learn that the man who caused it had now done this...it made Tony's jaw clench. 

He would punch Cap in his shiny, patriotic face the next time he saw him.

You lay your head on Tony's chest and wrapped your arms around his waist, breathing in his pleasant aroma of aftershave and whisky. As you sat there together, with him gently rubbing your back, an idea formed in your bedraggled mind. An idea that may have seemed incredibly unwise, but one that brought you a twisted sensation of solace and satisfaction.

You lifted your head and angled it towards him, gazing at him with wide eyes. "Tony, if I ask you to do something for me, will you do it?"

He smiled softly. "Anything for you, sweetheart."

You bit your lip as you removed your hands from his waist and brought them up to his chest, clutching his shirt tightly. 

“I need you."

Tony stared back at you in bewilderment, certain that he had misheard, because you couldn't possibly have said what he thought you had. 

“Sorry, what?"

"I...need you," you repeated, judging his reaction carefully.

He was worried you had said that. Under normal circumstances, he would have been only to happy to oblige your request, however, these were not normal circumstances. You were in a highly emotional state and that changed everything.

“You’re clearly not thinking straight.”

“Maybe not,” you agreed. “But so what? I always think things through too much lately and I’m sick of it. Maybe, just one time, I want to do something not so right.

“I cant, Y/N. I can’t.”

Tony shot up from the bed and ran a hand through his hair, glancing at you with obvious temptation. 

“Why not?” You countered, standing up too and going over to him. “Because Steve wouldn't like it? Well, he doesn’t seem to care how I feel right now, so why should I care about him? You saw me, Tony, I was a wreck after he ended things. I kept hoping that he would change his mind, but he never did! Now-now he goes off and finds someone else because it suddenly suits him! Without giving me a second thought!”

Anger, betrayal and anguish laced your voice heavily, making Tony’s wall break down one-by-one. He hated seeing you upset. He wanted to be there for you. You had always been there for him.

You sighed deeply, your eyes silently pleading with him as you wrapped your hand in his.

“Please, Tony. I need to forget. Help me forget.”

No more words were uttered.

Pushing away his final thoughts of conflict, Tony promptly captured your lips in his in a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around you and backing you over to the bed.

As you lay down, he hovered over you, his eyes conveying the question he needed to be sure of. You nodded hastily in reply, giving him his answer, and he joined your lips again.

The rest of the night was spent in a whirlwind of emotions. Yielding to passions and succumbing to temptations that you knew deep down, you would come to regret. For that moment, you blocked out the rest of the world, as you focused on only you and him.

-

The following morning, you awoke early in Tony's embrace, and instantly felt irritation creep up at yourself for letting things go so far.

There was no taking it back now.

As quietly as you could, you detached yourself from his arms and left his room, clothed only in one of his AC/DC shirts.

Since it was so early, you assumed that no one else would be up yet, so you went down to the kitchen, intending to make yourself a cup of coffee.However, you stopped in your tracks when you saw that you weren't alone. 

Wanda was sat at the breakfast bar...with Steve.

You went to turn around and leave before they saw you, but you found that it was too late, for Wanda called, "good morning, Y/N."

You sighed in frustration but turned back, plastering on a false smile. "Morning."

Upon hearing your name, Steve swivelled around on his stool to look at you, his heart clenching at the sight of you. He couldn't believe how you managed to be so beautiful all the time. It was still so painful for him to have to keep you at a distance, but he had to do it. He couldn't risk you getting hurt again. It was in your best interests.

“Y/N," he greeted with a small smile.

"Rogers."

Steve bit back a wince at your curtness. It felt so strange to hear you be so formal with him. He knew that something was amiss, you hadn't called him that since you first joined the team, and even then it hadn't lasted more than a couple of days.

Wanda handed you a mug of coffee but her eyes scanned your appearance curiously, until it clicked.

“Is that Tony's shirt?"

That made Steve draw his attention to it too, scrutinising it with narrowed eyes.

You glanced down at the oversized garment, hurrying for an explanation. "Yes, I borrowed it a while ago and forgot to give it back, I just threw something on to come and get a drink."

"That's one of Stark's favourite shirts," observed Steve with a deep frown. "It's strange that he doesn't mind you keeping it."

You took a sip of your coffee, trying to stop the panic from rising. "Well, he's a strange guy."

Wanda accepted that as a reasonable response and decide to change the subject, though Steve was still pondering it, he could always tell when you were lying.

"Steve was just telling me about this dinner he went to last night," explained Wanda, unaware that the topic was a sensitive one for you.

"Oh, was he?" You voiced, sarcasm lacing your tone as you sent a small glare his way.

Wanda took that as a prompt to carry on. "Yeah, he met this woman on this old war website, and found out that she was related to-"

"I'll take it from here," Steve interrupted, not knowing how you would react to the information. "I found out that she was a distant relative of Peggy. She wanted to meet me to see if I could tell her anything about her great-aunt, and I felt obliged to."

Your thoughts were screaming at you as you stared at him, not moving.

Steve mistook your silence for anger or hurt. Peggy was always a difficult subject to broach between the two of you. He had managed to move on from his first love by finding you, his true love, but you had always questioned whether he had completely let her go.

He stood up and walked towards you, his expression wary. "Y/N, I only went for the woman's sake. I didn't think it was right to leave her with unanswered questions, to leave her wondering. There wasn't anything more to it than that. I swear. My history with Peggy is just that. History.”

You didn't have time to reply or fully register what this new information meant, because Tony came strutting in, shirtless, and looking immensely pleased with himself. 

“Morning, everyone." He went over to the counter and picked up the piece of toast that Wanda had made for herself, and took a bite out of it. He took notice of the soldier and tried to contain his anger at him for hurting you, so he settled for irritating him.

Tony threw you a wink as he walked back over to go to his room again. On the way out, he said cheekily, "thanks for last night, Y/N."

Your pulse quickened as you looked at the gaping Wanda in front of you, but you were more concerned by the look of utter pain and shock on Steve's face.

He swallowed thickly, his mind filling with every negative thought. 

“You...and...Stark..."

He whispered, willing his voice not to crack. He could feel his heart breaking that very moment.

“I can't believe you would do that..."

Steve's eyes were full of pain, the same pain that you had felt the previous night. He knew he had to leave quickly, before his emotions overcame him.

He gave you one last, broken look, then stalked out of the kitchen, leaving you to watch after him helplessly.

You had messed up. You had messed up badly.

[baby-n-boo]

Embrace Chapter 1

Roman was having a crisis, and he was trying his absolute best to make sure everybody knew about it. And that world-ending, catastrophic, scream-it-from-the-rooftops-crisis? He was bored. Clearly the most tragic thing that could ever have befallen anybody, ever, most of all the creative side. He had only recently been in the imagination, the twins' usual fix for the bone grindingly painful boredom. But, unfortunately, that meant he couldn't go back yet, needing to take time in the real world to detox from the hazy, sort of floaty feeling he always got from indulging in his own specific daydreams. Much to the detriment of the other three sides, trying to do their own thing in the common area, it meant a lot of listening to him mope about dramatically, and, in Virgil's case, occasionally dodging a sharp blade with practiced skill, as Roman swung it about listlessly. It wasn't exactly new, for the prince to have lulls in his activity availability, but usually his brother would be around to keep him entertained for the half an hour he usually had to wait. However, today, Remus was mysteriously absent, Jan having said he was taking a personal day, everyone being too scared to pry into what that exactly meant for the least predictable of the group. So, instead, Roman's fellow core sides were charged with keeping his blessing of a presence from tearing out his own hair. Pat was trying to uphold a conversation to distract him, having spread out some paper across the coffee table to doodle on, since three of the four had some sort of restless energy to expel in some way or another. But, when he was interrupted by Roman's bored groan for the fourth time, he stopped trying so hard, just picking up a brown crayon to scribble a small blob in his quadrant of the paper. It was meant to be a puppy, but, no matter how much effort he put into the patches and wagging tail, it wasn't working out too well. Virgil, on the other side of the table, was staring up at Roman's restless pacing with an irritated face, the movement making his head start to hurt, and the heavy footsteps peaking his anxiety every time they drew near again. The purple sharpie in his hand was coming dangerously close to breaking, as he squeezed it, eventually just carefully controlling his voice to speak before he burst. "What about Thomas?" He spoke quietly, as if he didn't even have faith in himself but still, it drew the other three's attentions. "He's probably having a writers block, he did say he was writing a script today..." He trailed off, three sets of eyes now staring directly at him, and pulled his sleeves down lower over his hands, burying them in his lap. With hunched shoulders, he continued. "I dunno, maybe you can go talk to him, see if you can help?" It was a half baked plan to get Roman to leave, and everyone could see through it, most of all Logan, who, silently pulling up the display of Thomas's needs that he had access to, shook his head curtly. "Negative. Currently, Thomas is engaging in a new series recently released by Netflix, and instant messaging one of his....numerous acquaintances." He cut in, bookmarking his page in the textbook he had been browsing, and sitting up from his arm chair, accompanied by Virgil's frustrated muttering. "Texting, you absolute nerd, its called texting." Virge rubbed his temples, and went back to scribbling his strange sort of creature at this, quite content to once again exclude himself from the conversation now that Logan had weighed in. "I dare say your presence would indeed be welcomed, Roman, however you are not required at this present moment for a practical purpose." Logan continued, gesturing towards the ceiling to indicate Thomas's apartment, out in the real world, trying to dissuade the princely side from interrupting any peaceful times their host may be enjoying. But Ro just nodded, his eyes lighting up at the thought of talking to Thomas's friends, as he sheathed his sword, sending it back to his room in the process, and prepared to rise up. Patton quickly scrambled up from his crosslegged position on the floor to wrap Roman in a big bear hug before he could leave, his head barely reaching the prince's shoulder, making the both of them smile a little "Have fun out there, kiddo! Tell Thomas i love him!" He wished his friend well, giggling as Roman ruffled his hair. "I'm sure he already knows, sweet Pop-corn." Roman laughed, full bodied now that he had something to do, absently straightening Patton's shirt collar, before patting his back. "But i cant do anything of the sort if I'm stuck here." He joked, not maliciously, just familiarly, the situation being identical to a million other times. Logan watched the casual shows of touch with a carefully curated sort of detached curiosity, interested as to how the two of them could be so comfortable, his eyes softly drifting towards Virgil as he remembered he was also frequently involved in the hugs, trying not to feel jealous or angry, though a small fluttering in his stomach told him that he was definitely feeling something. Something he couldn't share. Patton reluctantly stepped away as he felt the strange not-quite-there sensation start to take over Roman's figure, waving goodbye happily. The smile he wore for almost anything not dropping as they all watched Roman shimmer and fade, in the dramatic way he liked to rise up, leaving a quiet sort of void left over in the room, that nobody seemed particularly keen to fill. But fill it, someone had to. And that someone ended up being Logan, clutching the engineering textbook to his chest like a precious relic, as he stood. "Farewell, to the both of you." He addressed Patton and Virgil formally, the feeling starting to spread upwards, making him limbs shake almost invisibly. "Should you care to reach me, i will be performing experimentations, within my private room." He managed, before it got to his throat, choking up his vocabulary. Trying to head up the stairs, he felt almost like that fawn from Roman's films, skidding with almost every carefully placed footfall, especially as the thick shag carpet seemed to pull at his soles, dragging them down and making him stumble in a rather undignified manner over the top step, peculiarly not glad he was out of view of Patton. He knew the naturally paternal figure would insist on fussing over him, showering little kisses over every injury, real or imagined, and smiling. By all rights, it should have been a relief he had avoided such a mortifying fate, it certainly was any other time. But on this occasion, all Logan could feel was a disappointed nauseous prickling deep in his stomach that his fall hadnt at least prompted a called ascertaining of his wellbeing. He could hear the small giggles as Patton's pen clearly skidded out of control again, or Virgil made a witty quip, so he knew they hadnt suddenly made the decision to move, but Logan couldn't think clearly by this point. The cold, but yet fuzzy, feeling had now spread up further, gripping his heart tight, making every thought he focussed on for longer than a few seconds seem to be tinted with a strange filter, highlighting blocks of primary color and erasing any finer, more complex lines of enquiry. Especially as he stood again, dusting himself off with one hand, before even noticing the other had crept to his mouth, the thumb lodged firmly between his lips, and he was absently pulling it in and out. Shaking his head, with how absurd the gesture was, Logan removed the intruder, ignoring how his mind instantly protested, and staggered on down the hall, toward the practical white painted door at the opposite end, the only of its kind, that hid his bedroom. But, once again, the strange colorful filter drew his eyes instead to Patton's door, covered as it was in cut outs of hearts, flowers and puppies. They surrounded a heartfelt, handmade plaque bearing his name, a gift from Roman only a few months previously, and made Logan aware of the bitter taste in the back of his throat that had come up since seeing the casual shows of affection the others shared. Scoffing, to hide the way his mouth pulled down into more of a pout than a frown, he turned away, his hand sliding down the glossy paper lightly, and finally, finally, stumbled through his own door, slamming it behind himself. It was only then that he realized his hands were empty. Trying to force his mind into some semblance of usefulness, he realized he must have dropped the precious textbook when he fell, feeling strangely like he should go apologise to it. Sighing at the absurd thoughts sprinting through his mind, Logan sunk down to sit upon the edge of his bed, head in his hands, before instead tilting to lay on his back, his head upon the pillow, sure rest would do him good, in setting everything back to rights. But, try as he might, he couldn't sleep, turning over until his sheets were a rumpled mess, and he was no better off. Peering at the clock, an hour had passed, with nothing to show for it, so, sighing, Logan gave in to the strange feeling that had been prodding at his mind for the past few minutes, feeling as it infiltrated every part of his brain, relaxing and simplifying as it went, uncovering exactly what it was he needed, though he was still reluctant to do it. Lying on his side, curled into a ball, which was very out of character, should anyone have found him, Logan sniffled quietly, his nose starting to run as tears pricked at his eyes. Despite having wrapped himself in some blankets, and a kidney cushion to emulate someone holding him ay some point in his efforts, he still felt lonely as before, one hand threaded into his hair, pulling gently on it as every part of his body was finally over-taken by the hazy sort of jealous feeling. He couldn't remember the last time anybody had hugged him, certainly not with any sort of genuine affection, or as any more than a courtesy. Wrapping his own arms about his chest softly, he shifted to be sat up, the blankets falling away, and buried his face in his knees, to let the tears evoked by such thoughts fall. Usually, the whole idea of crying would be completely repulsive to him, the idea of showing emotion via fluid falling from your eyes? It seemed to pose no purpose, but, for some reason or another, it seemed to be the right thing to do in that moment. It was his own fault, really, all the sides thought he regarded affection as distasteful, something dirty to be cleaned up and hidden away as soon as possible. And, to start with, they would have been right to assume as such, he had no idea how it felt, how much it happened so suddenly and explosively that nobody could even have known ig would happen. But now....now it was different. And nobody had even bothered to ask him how he was feeling. Not once, in the three years Thomas had known them, or even the years before that. Not a single time. And here he was... crying over them, and just wishing he could go to Patton for a hug. It wasn't like he didn't know what the feeling was demanding, Remus had explained what really happens when he takes "some personal time", and Logan had worked hard until he understood, always eager to learn, but, after a while, his purely objective research started to impact him a little more than he thought, until he was just like Remus, a toddler in mind, though he still stayed adult externally, despite his best attempts. It seemed that the mindscape's energy wouldn't let them warp their physical appearance that drastically. And, this time, it seemed that the stress of the jealousy had pushed his mind to slip into that mindset, which, once again, was no surprise, he often involuntarily regressed due to all the stress the mindscape put on him. Trying to reach out, to find Jan somewhere in the mindscape, since he usually ended up looking after the two of them, Logan quietly whimpered to himself when he couldn't feel even a trace to latch onto, the loneliness crashing down upon his all over again, making him pull a pillow onto his lap to hold tight, since he didn't have any little gear. The others could never know, cause what would they think, if their fearless leader, knowledgeable and mature, was nothing better than a dumb toddler, that could barely even speak? He could answer that himself, they would most definitely shun him, until all he had left was words. So, it had to stay secret, no matter how much he wished he could be held by the paternal side like all the other sides. Trying again, he shot out a small tendril of energy, looking for Remus, since his precede was usually overwhelmingly powerful, no matter where he went. Still nothing met his call, an emptiness starting to fill his stomach, as more tears started to pour down his cheeks, dripping unceremoniously onto his shirt and tie, soaking them through. The formality of the clothes felt like they were suffocating him, but, in his current state, he couldn't pull himself to get changed, or even will new clothes to appear on him, so, wrestling with the tie, he tried to at least loosen it. Anything to stop the loud, choking sobs that were now making his entire body shake. Once again, it didn't work, and Logan found his limited energy stores entirely drained by the simple act, causing him to slowly tip back onto his side, still curled into the tense position he had been in. It wasn't that he had accepted that he needed age regression, and all the trimmings that came along with it....it was more that it had taken over him and forced him to seek the safest way of dealing with the situation until he could resolve it. And, this time, that had meant seeking help, from Janus of all sides, to make sure he didn't do anything....regrettable. After Remus, Jan had assured him, Logan had been a dream to babysit, but, in this moment, alone and very much deep in headspace, Logan couldn't help but imagine the worst. That Janus had realised looking after two littles was too much, that he hated Logan's regression so much that he felt he had to hide, that something absolutely horrible had happened to Remus and Jan was calling Lo selfish for needing a caregiver at this time. And that did nothing to help the panicked and heartbroken sobbing now soaking into the mountains of pillows and blankets the-previously logical-side had built around himself. Inwardly reprimanding himself for ever thinking he was deserving of Jan's care, Logan drifted into an exhausted sort of sleep, still sniffling back tears even as his mind succumbed to the slumber. His sleep was dreamless, every breath he took in feeling as if it filled his lungs with treacle, each exhale heavy, bearing the last of his adult concerns, as his brain regressed, back to where it was comfortable. Back to where it was safe. Shifting softly as a cools breeze blew around him, his thumb absently found its way back into his mouth, his lips instantly forming a seal so he could suck upon it babyishly, helping to soothe the ting unconscious whimper that escaped at the bizarre feeling of flying, even as he slumbered on, every part of his body rejoicing as they relaxed, the tension he didn't even know he was holding in them, finally releasing, leaving him floppy and helpless as a newborn, as the digital numbers upon his clock sped past. Waking up again slowly, a strange heavy feeling had settled over his form, making Logan's breath catch in his throat. A soft, blue blanket covered in duckies had materialized wrapped about him whilst he slept, keeping him tightly swaddled, like a real baby. But that wasn’t what had caused his sudden surprise. What really took him aback was that Remus was stretched out, mischievously, across his-rather messy- bed, giggling as he played with a few small cars, liking to run them up and over Logan's pillows. After a few loud crashes, paired with explosive sound effects, Lo's sleep fuzzy, still regressed mind caught up with his eyes. If a clearly toddler-Remus was on his bed, where was he? A question quickly answered as a soft voice broke through his reverie. "Awe, there you are, baby." It seemed full of care, not a single ounce of doubt or repulsion, and altogether calming. Janus. "Did you have a nice lil nap?" Lo didn’t have a response, turning his head to press into Jan's chest instead, so he didn’t have to answer, words just…not coming to his mind. The awkward moment wasn’t helped as a chuckle vibrated through Jan's chest, Lo looking up tearfully, in case he was being laughed at. "Hey, it's okay, lil star, you're just cuddly today. Aren't you? Huh?" He laughed again, softly tickling the still sleepy intellectual's tummy through the blanket, pulling out a small giggle, even as the tears built up in his eyes. "Awe, my smiley star." The comment was idle, the Big looking over to Remus in the moment, but it did help to fight some of the oncoming fragility Lo was feeling, so deep in headspace now. The toddler's little game now seemed to have a dinosaur that needed to roar to scare the people from the cars, and eat them, all at the top of his lungs, in graphic detail, which Janus was watching with fond affection, used to it, even managing to softly rock the infant at the same time. But not everyone was as used to it. Whining slightly at the noise, Logan tried his hardest to bury deeper into the blanket, sure it would muffle some of it, startling audibly as a warm, gloved hand came to rest over his exposed ear. It shocked him for a few seconds, but, upon realizing it did, indeed, protect against the screams Remus was gleefully performing, he melted into it gently, though his limbs not at all wanted to work with him, and closed his eyes, the little kids game making him feel icky, and, strangely, jealous. A few shuffles were the only indication he had that they were on the move, his eyes popping open fearfully again, only to see that Janus had moved nearer to the bed, now sat just on the edge, and was quietly scolding the little kid, who, at least, had the grace to look a little cowed as he shifted to go stand in the corner. His movements were reluctant, but rehearsed, as if it wasn’t the first time he had been sent to timeout for misbehaving. Lo watched him go guiltily, well aware it was his negative reaction to the volume that had punished the regressor he almost thought of as his brother, and started sniffling, wanting Ree to come back. Surprised by the whiney sniffles, Jan looked down at the bundle in his arms, and his eyes softened. "oh honey…" he whispered, manifesting one of Remus' un-used pacifiers to offer instead of getting the one he had in his back pocket, not wanting to jostle the regressor any more than necessary. "I know, it's icky to see him go… but I told him before we came, I said he had to be nice and quiet for you." Jan tried his best to explain, not used to talking to someone in such a small headspace, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, Logan tearfully taking to the paci as soon as it was close enough. It gently bobbed in his mouth, the rhythm helping to soothe the fear just long enough for Janus to adjust his grip and pull the regressed ruminator closer to his chest. Frankly, from an outside point of view, it was an adorable scene, Lo's eyelids starting to droop again as he listened to Jan's heartbeat, the fond smile on the snakes face as he watched the baby- his baby-start to drift, even the fidgeting three year old with his nose pressed into the corner. But soon enough, it had to end, Ree getting to come back out after a few minutes, quickly hugging his CG, and mumbling a 'sorry lo-lo' to the baby. They didn’t manage to get much further than that though, Ree having just picked his favorite green car back up from its crash site in the quilt when a knock sounded on the door. "Logie? All good in here? Just your silly ol' dad checking in on you!" Came a chirpy greeting from the other side, Patton having no idea what he was a few feet away from. Eyes popping wide open again, all thoughts of sleep forgotten, Logan panicked, thrashing against the juvenile blanket, to get down and stop the other side coming in, his mind racing. He couldn't- not now. Not when he was like this. He couldn’t find out. Nobody could know. Nononono, not now, not ever. But Janus just held him fast, all warmly swaddled, placing a hand on his paci to stop him spitting it out in his desperation. Terrified of Patton finding out, Logan's gaze shot to Jan's face, which was the picture of serene calm, trying to figure out what to do. A small gesture to Remus drew Lo's attention though, especially as the side, no questions asked, straightened up from his position and-in a perfect replica of the logical sides voice-called back. "Affirmative, Patton. Merely immersed in a particular experiment. I seem to be in perfect health, no reason for concern." Remus spoke perfectly, even daring to look proud of his achievement as Logan gazed in shock. "Alrighty then! Don’t work too hard, you hear me, kiddo?" Pat chuckled back, none the wiser as to how ironic his phrasing really was, before retreating footsteps could be heard. Shocked into silence, Logan looked back to his Big for an explanation, but only got a sly smirk. "Told you it was ok, little one." He smiled, gently bopping the regressor's nose. It made him sneeze gently, a tiny little noise that he would be ashamed to have made when bigger, but now, it just made him giggle, reaching for Jan's nose to return the favor, the worry forgotten as soon as he had been distracted.

[cardinalpinion]

——— ❝ NEGATIVE CHARACTER TRAIT LIST. ❞

Below is a list of 102 negative traits to describe your character.

Aggressive - pursuing one’s aims and interests forcefully, sometimes unduly so

Aloof - not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant

Arrogant - having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities

Belligerent - hostile and aggressive

Big-headed - conceited or arrogant

Bitchy - malicious or unpleasant

Boastful - showing excessive pride and self-satisfaction in one’s achievements, possessions, or abilities

Bone-idle - lazy

Boring - not interesting; tedious

Bossy - fond of giving people orders; domineering

Callous - showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others

Cantankerous - bad-tempered, argumentative, and uncooperative

Careless - not giving sufficient attention or thought to avoiding harm or errors

Changeable - irregular; inconstant

Clinging - overly dependent on someone emotionally

Compulsive - resulting from or relating to an irresistible urge, especially one that is against one’s conscious wishes

Conservative - a person who is averse to change and holds to traditional values and attitudes, typically in relation to politics

Cowardly - lacking courage

Crass - lacking sensitivity, refinement, or intelligence

Cruel - willfully causing pain or suffering to others, or feeling no concern about it

Cunning - having or showing skill in achieving one’s ends by deceit or evasion

Cynical - believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity

Deceitful - guilty of or involving deceit; deceiving or misleading others

Detached - separate or disconnected

Dishonest - behaving or prone to behave in an untrustworthy or fraudulent way.

Dogmatic - inclined to lay down principles as incontrovertibly true

Domineering - assert one’s will over another in an arrogant way

Fastidious - very attentive to and concerned about accuracy and detail

Finicky - fussy about one’s needs or requirements

Foolish - lacking good sense or judgement; unwise

Foolhardy - recklessly bold or rash

Fussy - fastidious about one’s needs or requirements; hard to please

Greedy - having or showing an intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth or power

Grumpy - bad-tempered and irritable

Gullible - easily persuaded to believe something; credulous

Harsh - cruel or severe

Impatient - having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked

Impolite - not having or showing good manners; rude

Impulsive - acting or done without forethought

Inconsiderate - thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others

Inconsistent - not compatible or in keeping with

Indecisive - not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively

Indiscreet - having, showing, or proceeding from too great a readiness to reveal things that should remain secret or private

Inflexible - unwilling to change or compromise

Interfering - tending to interfere in other people’s affairs

Intolerant - not tolerant of views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one’s own

Irresponsible - not showing a proper sense of responsibility

Jealous - feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages

Lazy - unwilling to work or use energy

Machiavellian - cunning, scheming, and unscrupulous, especially in politics

Materialistic - excessively concerned with material possessions; money-oriented

Mean - one who makes no effort to understand or empathize with others

Miserly - of or characteristic of a miser

Moody - given to unpredictable changes of mood, especially sudden bouts of gloominess or sullenness

Narrow-minded - not willing to listen to or tolerate other people’s views; prejudiced

Nasty - behaving in an unpleasant or spiteful way

Naughty - disobedient; badly behaved

Nervous - easily agitated or alarmed; tending to be anxious; highly strung

Obsessive - a person who is affected by an obsession

Obstinate - stubbornly refusing to change one’s opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so

Overcritical - inclined to find fault too readily

Overemotional - having feelings that are too easily excited and displayed

Parsimonious - unwilling to spend money or use resources; stingy or frugal

Patronizing - apparently kind or helpful but betraying a feeling of superiority; condescending

Perverse - showing a deliberate and obstinate desire to behave in a way that is unreasonable or unacceptable, often in spite of the consequences

Pessimistic - tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen

Pompous - affectedly and irritatingly grand, solemn, or self-important

Possessive - demanding someone’s total attention and love

Pusillanimous - showing a lack of courage or determination; timid

Quarrelsome - given to or characterized by quarreling

Quick-tempered - easily made angry

Resentful - feeling or expressing bitterness or indignation at having been treated unfairly

Rude - offensively impolite or ill-mannered

Ruthless - having or showing no pity or compassion for others

Sarcastic - marked by or given to using irony in order to mock or convey contempt

Secretive - inclined to conceal feelings and intentions or not to disclose information

Selfish - lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure

Self-centered - preoccupied with oneself and one’s affairs

Self-indulgent - characterized by doing or tending to do exactly what one wants, especially when this involves pleasure or idleness

Silly - having or showing a lack of common sense or judgement; absurd and foolish

Sly - having or showing a cunning and deceitful nature

Sneaky - furtive; sly

Stingy - unwilling to give or spend; ungenerous

Stubborn - having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so

Stupid - having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense

Superficial - not having or showing any depth of character or understanding

Tacky - showing poor taste and quality

Tactless - having or showing a lack of adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues

Timid - showing a lack of courage or confidence; easily frightened

Touchy - oversensitive and irritable

Thoughtless - not showing consideration for the needs of other people

Truculent - eager or quick to argue or fight; aggressively defiant

Unkind - inconsiderate and harsh to others

Unpredictable - behaving in a way that is not easily predicted

Unreliable - not able to be relied upon

Untidy - not inclined to keep one’s possessions or appearance neat and in order

Untrustworthy - not able to be relied on as honest or truthful

Vague - thinking or communicating in an unfocused or imprecise way

Vain - having or showing an excessively high opinion of one’s appearance, abilities, or worth

Vengeful - seeking to harm someone in return for a perceived injury.

Vulgar - lacking sophistication or good taste; unrefined

Weak-willed - lacking the ability to resist influence or to restrain one’s own impulses; irresolute

tagged by: @duoplicitous

tagging: i cant think rn steal it <3

[xbarrjallenx]

Jealous

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Reader

Request: “Omfg can i request a part 3 for "Chaising Pavements"?!?! Ahh part 2 was so amazing, im so sad and my heart broke into a million pieces! 😊😊❤ “

“please please please do a part 3 for chasing pavements/jessies girl!!! its so good oh my gosh”

“PART THREE FOR JESSIES GIRL PLZ OR SMTH LIKE THAT IT WAS SO GR8″

“OH MYGOD PLEASE PLEASE DO A PART THREE FOR CHASIG PAVEMENTS/JESSIE’S GIRL! I CANT STAND THE SUSPENSION! OMGGG IT WAS SO GOOD”

“3rd part please.... pleeeeeeease?????”

Summary: (Y/N) and Dustin sought for Nancy’s help to understand Mike’s actions, but he got worse and some important things slipped through his mouth.

Word count: 1.779

Posted: 25th of November 2017

A/N: OMG! Here’s the 3rd part of Charing Pavements and Jessie’s Girl, finally! I thank each one of you for the kind comments, I can’t believe that I got too many positive comments and you seriously made my day, motivating me even more on writing. Thank you so much.

I thought of ending it with part 3, but some of you requested some more Dustin Henderson x reader scenes and I had to make Mike jealous. I just love imagining him dying of jealousy. Anyway, if you want, I voluntarily will write part 4, probably the last part, so let me know. Thank you.

I hope you like it and enjoy! Comments are appreciated and welcomed.

- G. x

Links: Chasing Pavements (Part 1); Jessie’s Girl (Part 2); Can’t Fight This Feeling (Part 4)

Few days has passed since the Snow Ball, but you still couldn’t take Mike’s death and sorrowful glare off your head. You couldn’t understand why he would be grumpy and irked. He couldn’t be jealous, could he? And if ever, why would he? Mostly, when Eleven has already came back.

“Dustin, are you sure of this?” You asked him for the millionth time and you thanked him for being patient with you. You were so anxious and afraid of what might happen next, mostly when Mike could discover everything what you and Dustin were doing.

The group has planned to do another endless campaign of Dungeons and Dragons, but Will and Dustin decided not to as Eleven and Max kept on interrupting the game by asking explanations for every move that the party would make. Everyone in the group, except you and Dustin, offered a hand to teach the mechanics of the game to the girls. You, obviously, had a better thing to do with Dustin.

“Of course, (Y/N).” He nodded nonchalantly, lowering his voice so the boys wouldn’t hear your conversation. After all, they were still convinced that you were already in a relationship with Dustin. “Nancy knows how to make people feel better, maybe she knows why Mike is acting weird too.” You both stopped in front of Nancy’s bedroom door, slowly building your courage up before knocking.

“Dustin, Mike barely talked to us, you must be kidding if you think that he talked to his sister.” You rolled your eyes as Dustin took a deep breath.

You were both devastated as your best friend suddenly stopped talking to you, also because you didn’t do something bad to hurt him or make him angry. He has greeted you, but he was so cold and detached. Mike has never treated you in that way, he never did. He has always wanted to make you feel better, to see you with your widest smile on your face.

“You’re prettier when you smile, (Y/N).” He stated as he tucked your (Y/H/C) hair behind your ear. You flutter closed your eyes in happiness, feeling his lips on your forehead.

“Nancy?” Dustin knocked, gently shouting Nancy’s name to have her attention. Your eyes grew wide as you shook your thoughts off your head and you were about to run away, but Dustin grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. “You are hurting, (Y/N), but let me help you. You can still conquer the boy of your dreams, okay?” He whispered in your ear, softening your gaze.

“Hey Dusty, (Y/N)!” She cheerfully greeted, pulling you both in a tight hug. Dustin quickly let go of your hand as he didn’t want for Nancy to tease him with you. That boy has got a crush on the young lady standing in front of you. “What’s up?”

“Uhh,” You nervously blurted out and Dustin smiled at you to encourage you. “I need some help.”

“Oh,” She warmly smiled. “advices on dating Dusty?” She winked at Dustin, but he just rolled his eyes. You shook your head and she quickly knitted her eyebrows together. “But the rumours had it and I thought that you are together.”

“We’ll explain it to you.” Dustin seriously stated. Nancy nodded and she invited you to enter her room, shutting and locking the door nonchalantly.

“So, what is everything about?” Nancy curiously asked, sitting on her study desk. Dustin invited you to sit beside him on the edge of Nancy’s double bed. You followed him as you roamed your eyes around the room, catching some interesting photographs and posters on the wall.

“We aren’t together.” Dustin explained, emphasizing his words. “The people thought that we are, because we hugged in the middle of the gym during the ball.”

“Oh,” Nancy sang as she got Dustin’s point. “so, what is your problem? How can I help you with it?”

“The problem is Mike Wheeler, your asshole brother.” Dustin blurted out. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his best friend. He was a little bitter, because he suddenly stopped talking to him, giving him death glares as he tried to make you, his closest best friend, feel better. He did nothing bad nor awful, on the contrary!

“What did Mike do?” Nancy asked as she let her legs hang from the desk, swaying them as she listened to you.

“I love him.” You shyly blurted out, feeling the heat on your cheeks. Dustin widely smiled, showing his beloved pearls, and teased you cheekily. You shook your head in disbelief and you rolled your eyes, because you couldn’t stand the embarrassment of the situation.

“Oh my God,” Nancy enthusiastically cheered, making you bounce on the bed in shock. You corrugated your forehead as you couldn’t understand if it was a compliment or not, so you sat there: puzzled. “Jonathan owes me and Steve twenty bucks.”

“What? You’re betting on me?” Your mouth opened agape and you elbowed your best friend as he kept on giggling under his breath.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t help but do it. I can totally see in your eyes that you liked Mike.” She nodded, defending the fact that the teen adults made some bet on you and Mike. You shrugged your shoulders as Eleven came into your mind, sighing as the pain penetrated your already shattered heart.

“He likes Eleven.” Dustin murmured, almost silently. Nancy’s smile suddenly fell back as she heard his brother’s secret. “But the thing that I don’t understand is why did he just stop on talking to me or (Y/N). I did nothing but dance with her during the ball.”

“Hmm,” She brought the back of her hand under her chin to think and she sighed since she couldn’t think of the right answer. “have you talked to him?”

“No, he is detached and it seemed like he kept on pushing me away.” You honestly answered. You bit your lower lip, trying to halt your tears from glossing your eyes. “And, if ever, I don’t know what to tell him.”

“Oh,” She nodded, leaving the desk and stood in front of you instead. “I think that the guy is jealous. I know that you are his closest best friend, sometimes he would share to the family your moments together, sometimes your problems too. He would always be proud of himself whenever he would make you feel good. Maybe he’s just jealous and afraid that he might lose you.”

“I don’t know, Nancy.” You were perplexed and you gave her a confused look. “Sometimes, I just want to tell him that I love him, even though I know that it isn’t requited. Maybe I would feel better if I let everything out.” You vented, Dustin was just listening at your statements. Sometimes he would look at you, sometimes he would look at Nancy to understand the situation.

“You’d like to let everything out?” Nancy sadly smiled, thinking of a way how to help you. You stare at her while waiting for her answer, you watched her walk back and forth, trying her best to think of something. “Aha, I got it!” She happily exclaimed.

“What is it?” You raised an eyebrow as you carefully listened to Nancy.

“You pretend that Dustin is Mike and you tell him everything, as in everything.” She convincingly said in a lower tone. You glanced at Dustin and he smiled at you in response. “You’re going to practice and, whenever you’re ready, you talk to Mike. Is that okay?”

“Okay.” You shortly answered. You unleashed a long and heavy sigh, readying yourself. It wasn’t the same to have Dustin in front of you, of course, but maybe he could help you to make things easier.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Nancy encouraged you as if she was a director of some sort of film.

“Dustin,” You started, turning towards Dustin’s direction. You imagined having Mike in front of you, even though you pronounced Dustin’s name. You thought that calling Dustin by his best friend’s name was disrespectful. “I-I like you, no! I-I love you! It has been years since I started loving you, but I never had the courage to confess my feelings for you. I don’t know, maybe because I thought that we were just best friends or something like that and best friends don’t usually love each other, I mean in a romantic way.” Dustin nodded to encourage you to go on with your speech. He didn’t know that you stopped because you heard some footsteps outside the room.

“Just go on!” Dustin gently ordered with a smile. He was really willing to help you, also because he didn’t want to see you hurting anymore.

You nodded and took a long breath. “I didn’t even know what love was, but then El has arrived and my-“

You suddenly stopped when you heard a loud bang outside of Nancy’s room, jumping a little bit on the bed. Your eyes grew wide, afraid that someone has heard your confession.

“What the hell, Mike?” Nancy twisted her door knob, went out of the room and forcefully opened Mike’s room. You and Dustin looked at each other and followed Nancy, slowly walking, almost tip-toeing. “What’s your problem?”

You peaked through his doorway and your heart dropped as you saw his tears slowly streaming down his face. Dustin looked at you and you looked at Dustin, you were both puzzled, confused.

“Fuck off, Nancy!” He pushed her sister away, wiping his tears furiously.

“Mike!” You restrained him from pushing people away and treating them in a rude way. He wasn’t the Mike that you used to know and you kept on saying that you knew him well, but you didn’t even know why he was acting up in that way.

“(Y/N), just go away, okay? You do nothing but give me heartbreak and misery!” He fearlessly spat the words as if they were venom in his mouth. Your tears found their way through your eyes and your chest tightened, his words weighing in your chest. Dustin quickly hugged you, rubbing your back as you sobbed against his neck, knowing how hurt you were.

“What the hell, Mike?” Dustin defended you as he yelled at his friend. “Stop being a dick!”

Mike noisily sobbed and hardly sniffed, letting his hot tears to wet his red cheeks. “You know what, (Y/N)? It’s hard for me to say this, but,” He paused, terribly trembling as he took all of his courage out. He didn’t mind Dustin, but the scene of Dustin hugging you broke his heart even more, wishing that it was him. “I love you and I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me!”

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 33: Declarations 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Implied/Mentioned abuse, mentions of terrorism, death mention, injury mention, depiction of an emotional breakdown, trauma aftermath; Illustrated; Pesterlog

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tipsyGnostalgic [TG] —

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

— tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is an idle chum! —

CG: FUCK YOU, I CAN SEE THAT FOR MYSELF, YOU PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM. I’M GONNA FUCKING YELL ANYWAY.

CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP AT NOON. IT’S LIKE, 1:30 AND YOU STILL AREN’T HERE, WHAT GIVES?

CG: IF YOU GOT KIDNAPPED, TOO, I SWEAR TO FUCK I’M PERSONALLY PUTTING THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN FAMILY UNDER PERMANENT WATCH.

CG: I’M NOT ABOVE SITTING ON YOU ASSHOLES IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES.

TG: okay first off i know youre like a literal alien but heres a protip for ya:

TG: general human earth etiquette is to not text people who you know are probably driving?

TG: its like a whole thing

CG: WHY

TG: idk probs because texting while driving’s a great way to fucking crash lol

TG: anyway!!

TG: yeah im real sorry about that mom fucking rang me up like

TG: hi im at the airport come get me!

TG: out of fucking nowhere because everything has to be a fucking hassle with this woman

TG: so i had to go get her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WAS SHE AT THE AIRPORT?

TG: because fuck me is why

TG: and THEN shes like

TG: ooooh i gotta do some mysterious whatthefuckever errand at some mall out in the middle of nowhere

TG: so now im sitting in the parking lot waiting for her to get back which might be a while because her bad leg’s been acting up lately

TG: and thats why im not there yet >:(

CG: WAIT. WAIT, HOLD ON, I’M CONFUSED.

CG: BY “MOM” ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RACHEL? I DIDN’T EVEN THINK SHE HAD A BAD LEG.

TG: nonono

TG: ray is like. dirk and dave and rose’s mom

TG: i dont call her mom i just call her aunt ray cuz shes not my mom yknow

TG: my mom is aunt ray’s sister

TG: aunt ramona? they talk about her?

CG: OOOOOOH. YEAH.

CG: THE WOMAN WHO WRITES THOSE SHITTY SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE BOOKS KANAYA LOVES.

TG: hahaha yeah her trashy shit is great

CG: SHE’S HERE?

TG: apparently!!!!!!!!

CG: I’M SENSING SOME BITTERNESS.

TG: ugh its fine she just always does shit like this

TG: womans always gotta make a fuckin entrance even if that means not telling anyone shes coming

TG: and its goddamn annoying as shit!!

TG: but its fine i get it shes here to help out and we are kinda all hands on deck

TG: speaking of tho i heard something about kanaya not coming along after all?

CG: NOT YET, NO.

CG: SHE’S BEEN TALKING TO ROSE, AND APPARENTLY DAVE’S BEEN PRETTY UNEASY WITH THE NUMBER OF NEW FACES AT THE HIVE.

CG: HOUSE. WHATEVER.

CG: TEREZI’S PROTECTION DETAIL HAS HIM KIND OF ON EDGE, I GUESS?

CG: SHE’S GONNA COME AROUND LATER PROBABLY. AND MIGHT END UP STAYING WITH PORRIM AND KEEP IT TO VISITS, AT LEAST UNTIL THINGS SETTLE DOWN A BIT.

CG: SO IT’S JUST ME FOR NOW.

TG: ooooh yeah geez i bet

TG: poor dave :( :( :(

TG: i gotta tell you and mom some uh. serious shit about him when i pick you both up

TG: id pass it on here but its probs better if i just tell you face to face?

CG: OH, WONDERFUL!

CG: MORE NO DOUBT HORRIFIC NEWS REGARDING DAVE.

CG: I CAN’T WAIT. THIS PANIC ATTACK’S GONNA BE ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS, I CAN JUST FEEL IT!!!

TG: :(

TG: tl;dr hes not in great shape but hes getting better but theres some stuff we gotta go over

TG: jfc mom what the fuck are you doing its been ages

CG: SO WAIT. SHE JUST HAD YOU DRIVE HER OUT SOMEWHERE AND WALKED OFF ALONE?

TG: yeah

TG: woman can take care of herself just fine so like im not worried??

TG: but still, like. cmon woman!!! whatever it is hurry up a little

TG: it cant be that important we got places to be

In terms of location, it was almost an outlet mall; somewhat detached from the nearest city and surrounded by forest. It was mostly all one building, positioned in a dip in the ground next to a clear stream, and these features had helped make it a serviceable fortress during the invasion, although Derek had regularly complained that he’d have preferred a site that held the high ground. Still, they’d made do; the roof was high enough that one could see for quite some distance, the stream offered fresh water, the trees provided decent enough cover during skirmishes, and the walls were thick enough to turn away most weather and weapons. It hadn’t been much, but it had served well enough as home for six years for around threescore ragtag survivors-turned-fighters.

Out in the surrounding forest, those who hadn’t survived that conflict still lay buried in pitiful graves marked only with a stone or a chunk of wood. There hadn’t been time to properly put anyone to rest; it had been risky enough for two or three people to slip out during a stretch of quiet with a shovel and a body. They simply hadn’t been able to afford to have any sort of formal burial, not with the threat of an attack constantly looming.

Even so, even so…

Derek had picked a spot he would remember.

In life, the oak tree would have been the kind people would have thought of as a monarch, with branches spread wide and gnarled wood ancient and strong, holding children in its branches as easily as if they were made of nothing; but the tree had already been dead by the time the invasion started, a great, ancient, dried-out husk. Even so, decades later, it still stood, its branches reaching toward the sky, the other trees forming a circle around it as though too respectful to come too close. Mushrooms and trails of greenery crept about a quarter of the way up the ancient trunk.

At its roots, a rotting wooden spar stuck up out of the ground. This, too, had been reclaimed by flowers, grasses and mushrooms, decorating the splintered and decayed timber with dark summer greens and pale white-and-lavender blooms.

Derek Strider, down on one knee with his sheathed sword held in his right hand, sighed. Of course, the trouble with having to bury the dead so hastily meant that there’d been no one to look over the graves, so it was to be expected that it be in such disrepair, but even so, seeing this one choked out by the invading flora was…

It wasn’t right.

Overhead, the ancient branches rustled slightly, and the raucous calling of a bird broke the silence. Derek narrowed his eyes and ignored it, tried to write the disrespectful noise out of the scene.

The crow seemed to have other ideas. The bird lighted down on the wooden grave marker, red eyes fixed on Derek’s face. It flapped its wings a few times, cawing incessantly. Derek scowled, unsheathed his sword, and struck —

The blade passed through the bird with no resistance whatsoever. The creature’s body split in two, bloodlessly, as though Derek had cut through smoke — it even looked like smoke, like a cloud cut in two by a passing jet. As Derek looked on, uncomprehending and with a growing sense of dread, the bird’s body seemed to pull itself back together, a video played in reverse, and the bird’s accusatory squawks started up again as though nothing had happened.

Derek was on his feet in an instance, stepping away from the beast, and as he did, he happened to look up…

Perched on nearly every branch of the old tree were ravens. Unlike the crow, they were all silent, and aside from the occasional shifting of a foot or tilting of a head, motionless. Scores of staring animal eyes bored into him.

Derek had never been a superstitious man, but nor was he the sort of fool to ignore the truth his own eyes showed him. He’d spent six years fighting alongside a witch, and seen enough to learn that some things really couldn’t be explained away as coincidence.

Had it been anyone else, he would have responded to the sound of footsteps approaching this site with a furious attack; even Ben knew better than to disturb him here. But when he whirled to face the intruder, he froze.

She’d aged more since he’d last seen her than he would have expected. Hints of silver streaked her hair, and she leaned heavily on her gnarled black cane. A faint breeze stirred the black fabric of her dress, playing with the light shawl laying across her shoulders. The crow had fallen silent.

“Put that thing away before you take someone’s eye out,” said Ramona, nodding nonchalantly at Derek’s sword.

Derek narrowed his eyes, and did not respond aloud, instead choosing to slowly and deliberately slide the sword back into its sheathe. Only after his left hand had returned to his side did Ramona nod and continue.

“That’s better,” she said. “Now we can talk things over like reasonable adults. Mind you, I ought to do the world a favor and wipe you out right now,” and Derek took a slow, deep breath at that, as she continued, “But I’d prefer not to desecrate your brother’s grave by staining it with your blood. I respect him far too much for that. You, however, have somehow managed to exceed all of my worst expectations to a nearly unfathomable degree, as of late. I’ve held off on this confrontation out of respect for the past, but I can see now that this was a mistake.”

Derek shifted. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect our damn planet, Ramona,” he started, but was cut off.

“Really?” she said, “Well, then. I’m not about to attempt to ask you to cease killing trolls, as we both know that would be pointless, but I would very much like to know how exactly burning your own son alive plays into your grand battle strategy?”

“He…he turned on us,” Derek said, through gritted teeth, “He forced my hand, left me no choice!”

“He is a child!” Ramona snapped. “And you, of all people, should know better! If you really must follow this path of self-destruction to its end, fine, but he should never have been involved!”

“I—”

“And in any case, you had a perfectly good sword on hand, I’m sure. If young Dave really did need to die, you could have executed him with minimal pain, but no, you wanted him to hurt, to know he was dying and to fear you and suffer as he passed. How do you justify that, Derek? How does anyone, especially a child, deserve anything of the sort?”

The eyes of the ravens and that damned crow still drilled into him. He could feel the stares on his back, but kept his eyes locked on Ramona’s, refusing to back down.

He wasn’t going to take back what he’d done. There’d be no guilt, he’d done nothing wrong except overreact a bit. It was justified. That…that boy wasn’t Dave. Ramona was using the name like a blade, but she’d not win that way. He didn’t deserve the fucking name, didn’t deserve to have anything to do with Dave, he never would have let Rachel name the kid that if he’d known he was going to grow up to be such a pathetic, useless little coward.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he said.

“No, I suppose you don’t,” said Ramona, folding her hands over the top of her cane. “I’ve a fairly good idea, in any case.” She sighed. “The war is over, Derek. The time to put aside this violence and misery is long since behind us. Our children do not deserve to grow up as we did.”

“The trolls are still here,” Derek spat.

There was a long silence. Ramona sighed again.

“Fine, then,” she said, “So be it. Do as you will. Chase violence as long as you like. But if you come near my family again, I will consider it an act of war.”

She turned, and he was tempted to take the bait, to try attacking her while her back was turned, but he held still. It was infuriating, knowing what a pointed insult turning her back on him was, knowing that she knew he would not risk attacking her—but she was right. She was much too dangerous.

“Come along, little one,” she said, abruptly. The crow rose off the grave and flew to land on top of Ramona’s cane. If Derek had cared to pay any attention, he might have noticed the crow look back at him with something like regret in its eyes, but Derek was already far too lost in his own thoughts.

As one bird, the ravens took wing, dispersing in all directions, leaving him alone again.

The trouble with trying to go from Alternian to English was a multifaceted one, to be sure, but so far the most obnoxious piece of it that Karkat could see was the tendency of guides on how to speak English to simply use the closest Alternian equivalent as an English word’s translation. More and more, the two languages were notably extremely different, and while he could speak English well enough that he’d never had any serious problems, there were any number of words that he kept tripping over as a result of a translation being extremely unclear and culturally misleading.

Witches, for instance, were clearly something very different on Earth. The Alternian word that was translated to English as “witch” was, like most Alternian words, a series of noises in the ‘click and growl’ family that most humans lacked the anatomy to create, and generally refered to certain lowblood prophets and healers in Alternian folklore. They were those who lived away from society and who, through some lucky genetics and convenient psychic powers, were able to fend of drones and effectively disappear from the world at large’s knowledge. They kept to themselves, sought to harm no one who didn’t attack them first, offered shelter to the weak and the hunted, and as such were always portrayed as utterly despicable beings in fiction, as no writer with any sense of self-preservation had dared to portray such reckless treachery under the rule of the last Condesce. There might have been some changes to the lore under the new one’s rule, but things like that changed slow.

In any case, they certainly weren’t anything like the old woman in a shawl who was sitting next to Roxy in the front of her car.

She was dressed all in black, for one thing. Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear much black. Some Alternian witches didn’t tend to wear all that much clothing at all, really. Most seemed to belong to ancient religions that weren’t particularly fond of shirts.

Ramona was definitely magic as shit, though, Rachel’d been right about that much. Was that all a witch was on Earth, just someone with magic? Fuck, if that were the case, then probably like at least a third of all trolls were witches by Earth’s standards. Then again, maybe magic was another poorly translated word? English didn’t seem to have a word to separate “things that we (read: trolls) know exist, like psychic powers and psiionics and ghosts and chucklevoodoos,” and “things that are super fake and don’t actually happen ever and make no sense.”

Whatever. In any case, Ramona didn’t look at all like Karkat had expected, and when he climbed into the back of the car, she didn’t react to his presence with anything stronger than an amiable nod. She seemed to have her mind on other things, and was largely silent at first.

Roxy wasn’t; she immediately piped up happily as Karkat swung open the door with a “Hey, man! Sorry about taking so long! Can you, uh, do me a favor and check on Jaspers? He’s in the carrier behind Mom, Rose asked me to pick him up while she and Aunt Ray were gone. He’s been missing them a lot, all staring out the window and kneading his blanket and shit, and he’s not a huge fan of car rides.”

“He’s asleep,” Karkat said after glancing into the little crate.

“Awesome. Alright, buckle up and we’ll get this damn show on the road.”

“On the road again, just can’t wait to get on—”

Karkat tilted his head as the car’s radio abruptly changed from quietly playing some human pop song over to something much louder and completely different. Ramona stifled a snort as Roxy stabbed a button, switching the radio back to the previous channel.

“No, thank you,” she said, glaring. “Christ, the fuck is with this thing today, I swear to god.”

“I suppose it may simply be getting into the spirit of things,” said Ramona with a smile. As the car pulled away from the curb, she turned back a bit to face Karkat. “It’s Karkat, isn’t it? Rachel’s been sending me any number of emails with updates, and from the sound of things, you’ve been rather instrumental in bringing young Dave back into the fold, so to speak.”

“…Into the what?”

“It’s a figure of speech, meaning in this case that you’ve helped us return him home as well as helping him to adjust to being there,” she said. “For which you have all of our heartfelt thanks. Ours is perhaps not the most functional of families, but it  is ours, and as I’m sure you’ve seen firsthand, ripping away a piece of it the way Derek did has had some very painful consequences for all involved. We owe you a great deal.”

“Yeah, man!” Roxy said. “And from what Rose has been telling me, you were kind of a big part of why he finally spilled what he knows. Which, he did bee-tee-dubs, which means he’s off house arrest finally, so that’s good—”

“—And a partridge in a pear tree,” the radio crackled.

“What the fuck? It’s August,” Roxy scowled. She turned the radio off altogether as Ramona glanced hurriedly out the window.

“Speaking of Dave,” Karkat said, hopefully before anyone got distracted again, “Roxy, you mentioned that there was something that you needed to say face to face?”

“Right, shoot, yeah,” said Roxy. The car turned onto the long road that led eventually to the Lalonde hive. “Okay, so, like. There’s definitely some shit you should know before we get there, but I wanna preface it all real clearly by saying that Dave’s okay, y’know? He’s got a lot of healing to do, but the doctors said that as long as he’s looked after and we change bandages and shit and he gets plenty of rest, he’s definitely not in any danger anymore. He’s…weak, but he’s not like gonna keel over at any moment, okay?”

“Not actually making me feel any better, Roxy!” said Karkat. Oh, boy, with a preface like that…

“Well, fuck, I tried, I guess. Uh. So, Dave did get hurt…pretty bad, and there were some other complications—oh, for fuck’s sake!!”

“Watch me, watch me, hey, watch me, watch me!” The radio was louder than ever. Ramona’s hand flew up, poorly hiding a grin.

Karkat leaned around Roxy’s seat to glare at her.

“What the fuck, Roxy,” said Karkat.

“I’m not doing this!” Roxy said, waving her hand wildly. “I swear to fuck, I wouldn’t! I really do need to pass on some shit about poor Dave, and the radio’s never done this before? It’s been acting up since a little before we picked you up, keeps changing on its own and shit, augh!”

She fought with the controls, but the song stopped only for a moment before getting even louder.

“Why the fuck do you humans even have this obnoxious song?! Who listens to this?? It’s literally just some squawking wiggler screeching for its lusus’s attention!”

“I mean, I kinda love it for that honestly, it’s terrible and stupid and wonderful, but like, come the fuck on??? What’s with this thing?! Now is not the time!”

“Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass—“

“GOD, that’s even worse!!” Roxy yelled, slamming her fist down on the dashboard. “Fucking stop!!”

“That’s enough for now,” Ramona said, almost murmuring it.

The radio turned off. Karkat and Roxy both turned a suspicious eye on Ramona, and with equal simultaneity, decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway,” Roxy said slowly, “What I was trying to say is, um…Karkat, do you know what it means for someone to ‘flatline?’ Because, um. Dave kinda did, for like, a minute and a half.”

Karkat shook his head, realized Roxy probably couldn’t see him with her eyes on the road, and said, “Uh, I have no idea what that word means, no.”

“Well, um…”

“It refers to a heart monitor indicating that the heart has ceased beating,” Ramona said. “The machine indicates activity with a line which shows peaks and valleys, and it goes flat when that activity has stopped, thus, ‘flatline’. The organ we call a heart serves an equivalent function to what trolls call a ‘blood pusher’ or a ‘pump biscuit.’”

Karkat felt for a moment like his own pump biscuit had stopped.

“Shit, Mom, when did you get so good at translating to trolls?” Roxy murmured.

Ramona shrugged. “I’ve made efforts to reach out,” she said. “The war ended, after all, and since we’re allies now, it doesn’t hurt to learn about each others’ cultures.”

“His fucking—What?!” Karkat screeched, unable to keep the harsh buzzing whine out of his voice. God, that was such a moirail noise, and any other time he’d have yelled at himself for not keeping it under control, but not now, not when… “His fucking blood pusher stopped and I’m supposed to be calm!?!”

“They got it moving again!” Roxy said. “He’s okay now, the doctors said it was going strong! It was, um, mostly just exhaustion, they think? Like, the burn wounds could’ve killed him on their own, sure, but they got on those quick enough that if he’d been healthy to begin with he probably wouldn’t have been so bad off? But between ten years of, you know…and just, apparently he hasn’t been eating enough even while he’s been back with us? And Ray’s gonna get on his ass about that, but, just—look, the thing is, Dirk doesn’t know about this yet, and Aunt Ray’s asked that we try to keep it that way, and I don’t really get why but I think she has her reasons?”

Karkat was definitely hyperventilating, oh fuck, oh fuck—Ramona’s hand reached back to touch his own, snapping him out of it.

“It’s fine to be worried,” she said, gentle. “I promise you, though, it is as Roxy says: he’ll be fine given time to recover and the safety with which to do so. He’ll be alive when we get there.” She sat back in her chair, turning towards the road again. “As for Dirk, I suspect Rachel is waiting for things to settle down before breaking it to him gently. He is, for better or worse, very like his father, and Derek handled his brother’s death poorly, in large part because at the time we could not afford to mourn. Rachel probably wants to make sure that Dirk does not feel he has to force himself to be strong when she tells him.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Roxy muttered. “Anyway, the main thing about that is that he’s not got a lot of energy right now, so don’t…take it personally if he just falls asleep on you sometimes? Especially with the painkillers he’s on, apparently that’s a side effect, too. He can walk short distances, but he gets wobbly quick and needs help sometimes, so there’s that too.”

“Fuck,” said Karkat, softly.

The next ten minutes of the ride were carried out in tense silence. This was broken by the radio once again bursting back on and blasting the ass song again, at which point Roxy threatened to pull over and smash the fucking thing to smithereens.

By the time they actually got to the fucking house, Karkat felt like his soul was going to vibrate right out of his fucking body with impatience. They had yet another delay in the form of Terezi’s protection detail—Terezi herself wasn’t there, but some officers were, and they insisted on knowing about any weapons the three of them had as well as names, and went in to check with the family while making them all wait outside by the car. Karkat already had his fucking bag in hand, he was ready to go, but no, they had to go through this tedious procedure! Sure, it was probably a smart move, and when he was feeling a little more sensible he’d be more okay with it as it was the sort of thing that probably would make them all feel a bit safer (especially poor fucking Dave), but right now the were a pain in the ass and he was going to fucking explode!!! If they didn’t!!! Let him get in the fucking hive!!!!!

Rose stepped out as they were still talking to the police, and for the first time in his life Karkat was unspeakably happy to see her. She quickly confirmed to the police that all three of them were in fact expected and trusted by this household, and then gently let Jaspers out of his carrier. The cat immediately yowled and threw himself into her arms, kneading at her shoulders and rubbing his face against hers, and it all would have been super cute if Karkat didn’t have his mind on other fucking things.

“Come on in,” Rose said, nodding towards the door. “Dirk’s on the couch and Dave’s in Mom’s room, as neither of them can handle stairs right now and Dave needs his bandages changed at least twice a day. Karkat, do you—”

She was talking to air. He was already in the fucking door.

And then had to face the fact that he’d never actually been to Rachel’s room. Fuck. Rachel was coming up the hall, though, and a slightly bewildered young human (wait, fuck, that was Dirk, what happened to his hair? It looked so weird hanging down like that instead of spiked up) was sitting on the couch with an Earth husktop on his lap. Roxy pushed in the door with Ramona right behind her, dropped a heavy wheeled bag right next to the door, and immediately launched herself at Dirk, who gave a startled yelp as she did so.

Rachel rested a hand on Karkat’s shoulder as she passed him, rushing up toward Ramona throwing her arms around her shoulders. The two shared a long hug, and Rachel kissed Ramona’s cheek.

“God, I’m so glad you’re here,” Karkat heard Rachel murmur, before Rose tapped his shoulder.

“I was asking if you knew where Mom’s room is,” Rose said.

“Uh.”

“It’s down the hall to the observatory, but you take a left before you get to it. Make sure to make plenty of noise on the way over, Dave gets really jumpy when he’s the only person in that room. He can’t block the door since we need to be able to come in and out, and it’s got him a bit on edge.”

Karkat nodded, unable to get any words out past the lump in his throat. He more or less just dropped his bag on the ground and pushed past, zooming around toward the room indicated. Dave looked half-asleep when Karkat pushed the door open, and waved as he sat up with some effort.

God, the photo Rose had taken didn’t do justice to how fucking bad he looked. There were bruises across his face and neck turned a weird greenish-gray but still dark against his skin, and bandages everywhere, his hair was a mess (although that might have just been from sleeping). He was in some oversized shirt with an Earth hoofbeast on the front that was probably Dirk’s judging by the size, and Karkat had no idea why Dave had it on but right now he didn’t care.

“Hey, man, uh. Shit’s been crazy, huh?” Dave said with an awkward grin. He didn’t have his shades on either, which made sense if he’d been sleeping, except they weren’t on the bedside table (which did instead contain a nearly empty glass of water, several bottles of pills and salves, and a first aid kit from which clean cloth bandages overflowed).

Two weeks of emotion boiled over all at once. Wordless, Karkat stomped across the room and grabbed Dave’s stupid fucking shirt in both hands and tugged him close.

“It was three days, Dave,” Karkat hissed.

“Wha—?”

“Three days! And you got yourself fucking kidnapped by a terrorist on day goddamn two!! What the fuck, Dave?!” His voice was threatening to abandon him, but Karkat forced it right back into place by sheer willpower. This tangent would not be fucking stopped, hell no. “I take my eyes off of you for two days, and you get yourself into shit again! What the fuck!!! Do you have any idea how-how fucking agonizing it’s been waiting for news?! And you’re just sitting there like ‘Oh, hey! What’s up?’ What’s up is my foot up your waste chute, you hopeless fucking—!” Okay, nope, his voice was leaving after all, actually. He felt tears roll down his face, and he should’ve been more worried about that, but Dave already knew about his blood color and he was the only troll in the house right now, so, fuck it, fuck it all! Helpless, he tugged Dave closer again, letting his face press against that stupid shirt, claws still twisted into the fabric as he sobbed.

“Holy shit,” Dave muttered.

“I was so fucking scared,” Karkat gasped. This was pathetic, they weren’t remotely a couple, Karkat had no right to be this worked up and he knew it, but…Dave wasn’t exactly pushing him away, either, was he?

“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t even…It wasn’t planned this time, it just sorta happened, and Dirk got hurt, and I…”

“I’m not actually angry at you, despite having so much right to be that legislacerators everywhere have preemptively declared me innocent. I’m just fucking screaming for the sake of it, dumbass.”

“Oh.”

The awkward pause that followed was filled with only the sound of Karkat’s weeping, which, fuck, he was probably too fucking embarrassed to tell him off. Except…Dave’s hand lifted up to rest gently against Karkat’s back, so, maybe he didn’t mind that much? Was that wishful thinking?

“Sorry for this,” he said, just in case, as he pulled away a bit. “It’s really fucking embarrassing, I know, I just…”

“It’s cool, man,” said Dave. Then, with a wink, he said, “I know you got your massive Strider homocrush, it’s only natural—”

“Dave, I swear to fuck, injured or not, I will pummel you into dust with a fucking pillow, don’t test me!” Karkat snapped.

Dave snorted. “Hey, man, it’s fine, everyone’s allowed to be a lil gay sometimes with their friends, it’s only natural.”

“I’ll ‘natural’ you!! Motherfucker, I spent the two weeks worrying about your wellbeing and you come at me with more of this bullshit!!”

Dave cackled with laughter. Karkat rolled his eyes and sniffled. He feigned annoyance as best he could, but, God, it was such a relief to hear Dave laugh. Rubbing a sweater sleeve furiously across his eyes, Karkat pulled back, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “Okay, but seriously, what’s with the shirt?” he asked, gesturing at the floating head of the hoofbeast. It wasn’t even a joke or a drawing. It was just…a straight photo of a hoofbeast’s face, with no text or explanation of any sort. What the fuck??

Dave glanced down, and snickered. “Oh, shit. Uh, yeah, we needed something that’s easy to get me in and out of, since the bandages on this fuckin’ burn need to be changed like, a lot, not to mention the gross-ass cream they have us slathering all over it on the regular. We tried a button down, but the buttons were kinda chafing, and like…who the fuck wants to ruin a fancy shirt with gross burn juices, right? And Dirk’s shit is more comfortable, and this one’s big enough that it’s real easy to take off even if I’m high on the damn painkillers.”

Karkat winced slightly, but decided not to comment. The scream from the video echoed somewhere in his think pan. “Where’re your shades?”

“Bro fuckin’ stepped on them or something, man, I dunno. They fell off at some point, and they were already cracked before all that, and Terezi just found pieces. Which fucking sucks, I mean God dammit, those were a gift from John. Shit sucks.”

“John?” Karkat tipped his head.

“Yeah, he’s like, an old friend of mine. Have I not mentioned him to you? Whatever, he, uh.” Dave scratched at the side of his head. “He was an online friend from before Bro started doing the, uh, raid shit, and I kept talking to him and another friend, Jade, for a while afterwards even though I wasn’t supposed to?”

“Jade’s name I remember,” Karkat said.

“Haha, yeah, yeah cuz I told you about…anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I guess since Dirk’s college is starting up again soon, not that he’s going for the first couple weeks with his leg and a fucking concussion, but, it’s starting up, and John’s sister goes there too, and he’s gonna come with so we’ll be able to hang out for a bit? Which is fuckin’ rad, I haven’t even talked to the guy in three years and we’re finally meeting in person.”

“You want him to be here? While you’re this badly injured?” Karkat yelped.

Dave blinked at him like he’d just grown a secondary head.

“I mean, yeah?” Dave said. “Like, yeah, I’m not in great shape and I guess it’ll be a lil weird for him to see me like this, but I’ve missed him.” Before Karkat could press the question further, though, Dave yawned. “Ugh, fuck, I wanna keep talking, but I’m…halfway to falling asleep, shit.”

“Oh,” said Karkat. He got up, ready to leave. He wanted to stay, wanted to curl himself around Dave’s obnoxiously lanky frame as best he could and protect this fragile idiot human from the entire universe, but…it wasn’t his place, was it? No.

“You leaving?” said Dave, rubbing at his unbruised eye.

“You said you wanna sleep,” Karkat said.

“Right. Uh. Could you, like…fill this back up for me, then, I guess?” Dave said.

“…Sure,” said Karkat.

He was…still confused, but Dave was tired, so he didn’t press. But he couldn’t wrap his head around wanting a friend around while he was so injured—well, he’d wanted Karkat around, hadn’t he? He’d seemed happy to see him, aside from the, uh, yelling. Still, it didn’t make sense! Every troll knew as a small child that the only people you could trust when you were injured were your lusus, your moirail, and maybe your matesprit! Anyone else might take advantage of the weakness and kill you, that was just basic logic! But Dave didn’t even seem to be thinking about it.

And…and yet, come to think of it, Roxy’d been awfully forthright about how bad Dave’s condition was. Hell, she’d heard it from Rose, who seemed like the one most likely to know not to spread that weakness, but the humans were all sharing it and passing it around. It wasn’t just that they didn’t seem to care who knew that Dave and Dirk were injured, it was like they wanted people to know.

And as he filled up the glass of water in the kitchen, he watched as Roxy and Dirk talked on the couch, as Dirk told her that he’d passed on the news of their condition to Jane already, that Rose had told her and Dave’s friends, and it just kept going. Everyone had to be up to date on the fact that both brothers were injured and vulnerable, and yet…

“I hope the flight wasn’t too long,” Rachel was saying to Ramona.

“Nothing would be too long right now,” she said in turn, blowing gently on a cup of tea that Rachel had just poured her. “Times like these, we all need to do our part. I know I might not be able to do much, mind you. My leg’s been acting up something fierce, as of late, but I’ll do whatever I can.”

Something clicked. All at once, the curtains pulled back and Karkat saw the whole picture—saw maybe not what it always was, and certainly not what the Lalondes achieved on any sort of regular basis, but what it was supposed to be, how it was meant to work.

On Alternia, everyone lived in constant competition. Trolls had to be strong as close to all the time as they possibly could, or at the very least find a moirail who could, because otherwise their society wouldn’t particularly care much if they died. That just meant they didn’t deserve to be a part of the gene pool or to contribute to society. If they were injured badly and left vulnerable, it was seen as normal for others to take advantage of that weakness and exert power or outright kill a rival. It was how they survived so long, or so the cultural narrative had so long stated: by this competition, the strongest survive. Nevermind that this survival was built on the corpses of uncountable trolls who didn’t make the cut, it Worked.

As a result, trolls had been bewildered just as Karkat had by how humans as a species managed to be so frail and yet so reckless and to still survive, especially when they didn’t exactly have the kind of numbers that trolls did. Humans lacked the numbers to be expendable, lacked the strength and toughness that kept Trolls alive, and yet they looked Death in the eye and pointed and laughed, and pushed themselves to extremes for no purpose other than to have some warped idea of fun. It was a question that had lingered around his consciousness for ages; how the fuck do humans even work as a species? How had such a seemingly doomed race not died off yet?

The answer that hit him now, as he watched Roxy help Dirk stand up and balance himself on a pair of crutches, was that humans didn’t have to be strong all the time, and that was the magic of their little social units, their families—they took care of each other. No one person had to be good at everything, or so good at one thing that it could keep them safe in any situation. It didn’t matter that their skin was thin or that they weren’t particularly strong or fast, they always, always had others around who would pick up the slack, others who would come even across oceans to offer what aid they could in times of strife; they weaved together all their strengths and weaknesses into a fabric able to withstand just about anything. Fuck, no wonder they’d wanted Dave back so badly. The Lalondes may have been less a tapestry and more a patchwork quilt, but it was still their quilt, and Dave was a part of it….

He felt a near-agonizing pang of envy that he didn’t have a quilt of his own. Humans might have been stupid about a lot of things, but this…this they’d gotten right.  

“Fucking water? Is that really the best you could think of? Fucking dumbass,” Dave muttered to himself. God. This was stupid. This was all really fucking stupid. He couldn’t even deal with being alone while he was asleep, for Chrissakes! Too scared of nightmares of a big mean dog, like some fuckin’ little kid.

Yeah, he was tired, but he really, really didn’t wanna be alone right now, was the thing. Not with that fucking troll-drug-induced nightmare lingering around the edges, waiting to chase him down again at its first chance. But. Like. Karkat was kind of right? Bros don’t watch each other sleep, that’s fuckin’ creepy. Like. Okay, so maybe they’d done a bit of that way back when Karkat had been kidnapped, but they didn’t have a choice back then, and anyways they mostly slept at the same time during that experience, which was super different from just asking his best alien friend to fuckin’ hold his hand so the  bad dreams wouldn’t get him. Fuck.

So he’d asked Karkat to refill his glass, even though he wasn’t thirsty right now, because it was an excuse to make Karkat come back, at least for a few more minutes, and they could talk for a bit, and maybe Dave’d stop being tired, wouldn’t that be rad.

Karkat came back in looking really thoughtful. He handed the glass over, and Dave took a sip to try and look like he hadn’t been 100% bullshitting there, and mumbled a thanks as he set it down. Then, just as a thought, he jerked his head toward the rest of the bed—it was a big king-sized one, probably left over from before the divorce and Mom had just never downsized or whatever, so there was a lot of space to Dave’s right—and told Karkat he could sit down if he wanted, Dave wasn’t gonna, like, pass out right this minute or anything, haha.

Karkat stayed quiet, which was fuckin’ weird, but he did sit down. He stared at the sheets for a minute, and then spoke up suddenly, saying, “I think I get it.”

“Get what?” said Dave.

“Why they wanted you back so bad,” said Karkat. “I mean, way back when you were first arrested. I kind of fought with Dirk over it at one point, because my only experience with the word Dirk used for why you should be with him was fucking Strider. And also I think I get why this shit all works, for humans in general. I mean, I’m probably just saying obvious shit, but it’s not how trolls work, we don’t take care of each other, not like this.”

Dave tipped his head.

“I mean with the whole fucking family thing,” Karkat said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been trying to get it this whole time, but this shit’s used to justify so much bullshit with you humans, and I think I get it now, and why it’s so fucking important to you as a species.”

Dave snorted. “Dude, it’s not that big a thing—”

“It is, though! It just seems normal to humans because it’s how you always work, but, Dave, I’m serious, back on Alternia it’s every troll for themself. Maybe you  have one person who has your back if you’ve got a moirail, maybe some are lucky like me and have friends who are actually consistently on your side and won’t take the first chance they get to kill you or fuck you up some other way, but we definitely don’t have a whole cluster of others we can just fall back on any time we’re met with something we can’t handle alone.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Dave started, but Karkat just kept going. Apparently he’d had some sort of fuckin’ epiphany in the past two minutes.

“It took me so fucking long to get this, but I get it now! You know what I don’t get, though, is why the fuck you ever tried to convince me that Strider is part of your fucking family.”

Something in Dave dropped like a stone.

He’d…had a similar thought, really. Repeatedly. Multiple times, over the past week or so. He’d been kind of trying to avoid it, because every time it popped up, he got really stressed out.

“And don’t give me any of the bullshit about being ‘related’ or what the fuck ever, I don’t wanna hear it,” Karkat kept right on going. “I still don’t get why you humans care so much about that. The whole point of this family thing is that you all take care of each other, not that you’re related or whatever! Your aunt’s here, did you know that? She flew across an entire fucking ocean just to make sure she could help out you and Dirk! What the fuck did Strider ever do for you?”

It was a good question. And the answer, of course, was: aside from trying to  kill him, do you mean? Hahaha.

Karkat was still talking, but Dave wasn’t really hearing him. Fuck, this had been a mistake, he should’ve taken his chances with the fucking nightmare dog. That was better than this old song and dance with his own thoughts.

The facts were pretty simple. He’d operated under pretty clear logic when he went up against Bro: We’re family, so he loves me, so therefore if I ask him to let me leave and explain that I really can’t deal with this, he’ll let me go. Except, Bro had tried to kill him, which meant that…

That was as far as Dave ever got. He couldn’t think any farther than that.

He felt like…like the next thought should be obvious, but he couldn’t make himself think it. It was too big—not so much a square peg in a round hole as it was trying to cram a grain silo into a pinhole, and the thought threatened to overwhelm and destroy him, so instead of thinking it, his brain kept rejecting it, the effect being like a broken record skip-skip-skipping, over and over, repeating the last thought he could get to before the Big One, because he couldn’t not think the Big One, either…

It was so fucking stupid, it was just a thought, why couldn’t he…

“Hah, yeah, now that you mention it, I guess I was always kinda wrong about this shit, wasn’t I?” Dave said, unable to stop the sardonic laughter bubbling up in his throat. “I mean, fuck, no wonder it took you so long to get, I probably gave you the wrong idea. My dumb ass was convinced he’d never try to kill me, cuz we’re family, and, well, here we fuckin’ are!”

Skip, skip, skip—

Karkat was still talking in stuttered phrases in the gaps of Dave’s own flood of words, looking almost scared, but Dave didn’t comprehned any of them, and anyway, the ranting had started, there was no stopping this shit now. “Like, what the fuck was I even thinking, right? I really thought that was gonna work, that somehow he’d just let me go if I asked, like a fucking idiot! Haha, what a fuckin’ dipshit, right?! And here I was thinking he—” Frantic laughter bubbled up, overtaking the words, not that more would’ve come, that next thought was just too big. Was he crying? Fuck, Karkat didn’t need to see any of this shit, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t think

Skip, skip, skip, skip, skipskipskipskipskipskip—

It wasn’t Karkat’s fault. It really wasn’t. He might’ve set it off, but the storm had been building up for days, now, and it broke hard, sweeping Dave up in a torrent of just wordless mental screaming. He couldn’t think the next thought. He couldn’t. But the thing was damming him up, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore, and he was stuck in the middle and left to just completely melt down and dissipate into the flood.

A sound like a cicada crossed with the creakiest horror movie door ever to creak ripped through the tides, and suddenly Dave found himself tugged into a full body hug, wrapped up in four limbs with his face pressed into a thick sweater. The touch dragged him out of the flood and onto dry land, brought him back into now before he even knew what was happening. Karkat’s whole chest was vibrating with some intense cricket-cat hybrid purr, and this should’ve been so embarrassing but he was so tired and so lost and it was fucking comforting, so who the fuck cared. Who cared anymore. It was all bullshit. He could be embarrassed later.

Too soon, Karkat seemed to have the same thought, and tried to pull away. “Shit, sorry, I shouldn’t—fuck, I’m so sorry, this is really presumptive and I know you aren’t even into boys,” he babbled.

Dave groaned, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s chest and pulling him close. “Dude, if you try to make this about alien romance right now, I swear to fuck,” he gasped out between harsh sobs. Christ, he was going harder than Karkat did like twenty minutes earlier, what the fuck.

Karkat paused. Good. It meant his warm arms were still there. “Dave, I…I mean, this is troll romance, this is textbook moiraillegience, and I shouldn’t just be throwing myself at you because you had a moment of weakness, no matter how bad I, uh.”

Dave sniffled, wracked his brain for a moment…Karkat had explained this stuff about a million times, which one was…”That’s like…the bros quadrant, right?”

“The what.”

“The one that’s, like, platonic and shit.”

“…Yeah?” The cricket-purr started up again, cautiously.

“We fuckin’ kinda do most of that shit already, don’t we?” Like. Yeah. He wasn’t gay. That was still a thing. But Karkat was warm and solid and real and Dave was fucking exhausted and didn’t want to be alone, especially not when he felt right now like he was wrapped in safety. “Please, Karkat,” he added, because why not beg. He was already at maximum pathetic, there was no digging this hole lower, fuck it. “I really don’t wanna be alone right now, just, please don’t go.”

Karkat was quiet for a long moment, but finally, the cricket-purr went back to full volume and Karkat’s arms tightened around him.

“Okay,” Karkat said quietly. Dave let out a breath he’d barely known he’d been holding and went back to crying.

“We’re going to have to talk about this later,” Karkat murmured, which put him at about normal volume for anyone else.

“Later, then,” said Dave, and let himself finally fall the fuck asleep.

[plushievash]

Number 10 with all of them. I am so curious

sdlkfj i have over 80 ocs… ill answer with all the main ones and then any others who have something significant10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?felix: hes neutral on children;; children like him mostly since he comes off as cool;; he absolutely does not want children ever the idea completely repulses him, he doesnt trust himself with the responsibility and hes afraid of becoming his father BUT, if dasha ever expressed the desire for one then he would try;; hed be a very caring kinda goofy dad hed give the kid a ridiculous nickname (ex. dara dara carbonara)in the good au he and dasha actually have 2 kids dlkjfsd their first born he gives the nickname “vascana banana”leonardo: children make him..uncomfortable..they remind him of his siblings;; hes generally kind but he comes off as distant, itd be divided some children dont trust him some like him a lot;; like felix leo would never want a child but for different reasons but he also feels like eventually he must to keep his familys raremutation alive;; leo would be a very tired parent he overworks himself but even when he cant make a bowl of cereal for himself hell help his child with anything or play with them..he tries his best…hed be a great dad..pietro: he loves children! they are the future after all!;; children love him back! hes very fun to be around and very caring;; hed love to have kids of his own but he wouldnt ever risk it with his status..he doesnt want to force a kid to be raised on the run…;; hed be a great dad tho over protective and caring hed always make time to check in with their life and see how things are going how theyre feeling if they need help or if they just want to play or watch a movie hes a very loving person!pekka: he likes children, he thinks theyre funny and cute;; like leo its divided some think hes weird some think hes funny;; hes neutral on the idea of having a child;; hed probably be an annoying kinda clingy embarrassing dad..hed want to make sure his child got the love and care he never did..hed try his besttalia: she likes children;; children dont usually like her..they think shes creepy at first since she usually doesnt talk or change expressions much;; shes neutral on having kids;; shed be a good but kind of distant parent…

ill put the rest under the cut

ruby: she loves children!;; and children love her!;; she likes the idea of having a child someday;; shed be a great parent shes full of advice and love and shes very caring and understanding shed probably be the perfect parent??miska: he loves kids!;; kids love him!;; hed like to have kids one day;; hed be a great parent hes very understanding and patient hed usually be too tired to play with them tho but hed be able to do things that take more concentration like crafts and help them out with school projects!dara: he loves kids!;; kids like him bc hes weird;; hes neutral on having kids he thinks hed probably be an ok dad but hes very unprepared and he thinks he probably wont ever be;; hes a fantastic babysitter he can properly take care of a kid for a while but not 24/7 he wouldnt be able to handle the responsibilityagostina: she likes children but doesnt much like to be around them, shes paranoid of them plucking her feathers without realizing how much it hurts her;; children are usually afraid of her or fascinated by her mutation;; she wouldnt want a child of her own;; she wouldnt be a very good parent, she wouldnt be abusive but she wouldnt have the energy to give the proper love and care to a childzacharie: he loves kids!;; kids love him!;; hes neutral on the idea of having a kid but also excited about it? if he ever got the chance he would gladly take it;; hed be a goofy kinda dad like felix with silly nicknames hed be embarrassing…but hes very loving and caring and very energeticemilio: he likes kids;; kids generally like him;; hes neutral on having a child;; hed be kind of careless at first itd take him a while to get the hang of things but once he does hed be a great dad just like zacharieantoine: he doesnt like kids but he wont be a dick to them hed just rather avoid having to interact with them;; children would probably be interested in him since hes distant but they dont rly have much to go on for liking or disliking him;; the idea of having a child repulses himdušan: he has a soft spot for kids;; kids like him;; he doesnt like the idea of having a kid of his own;; hed be a great babysitter tho! hed be like the cool older brother figure to them…zinovia: shes neutral on children;; children like her;; she likes the idea of having a child;; shed be a great mom..shed be a sports mom..pta mom……her kids gonna fucken destroy ur kid in football karenalcides: hes neutral on kids;; kids dont rly like him;; he likes the idea of having a kid;; hed be the cool smart dad that if u need help with homework in like any subject he can almost always help and itll be rightvittorio: LOVES!! kids!!!!;; kids loved him!!;; he had 3 kids (leo/stella/giovanni) and he was very excited to have them!;; he was a great dad very loving and caring very patient and understanding he tired to make sure his kids got to choose the life they wanted to live, he wanted to make sure his kids didnt have to recover from their childhood like he did he tried his best….alessio: likes kids;; kids were usually neutral and pretty bored of him;; he liked the idea of having kids, he had 2 daughters;; he was a great dad very caring and loving he was overprotective hes still very shattered over their deaths..ippolito: shes neutral on kids;; kids loved her;; she liked the idea of having a kid eventually, she had 1;; she was a great mother, she worked very hard and loved and cared for her son with the time she had..zaria: hates kids, she will usually be dismissive towards them but she wont be aggressive or violent, she doesnt want to scare them either;; kids dont like her;; she hates the idea of having kids;; she wouldnt be a very good babysitter shed just keep to herself and do her own thing while the kid does something elsecorvi: likes kids, but only bc theyre easy to control;; kids are usually offput by them;; they hate the idea of having a child of their own;; they would be a terrible babysitter theyd trick children into doing things theyre not supposed to or even get them to accidentally hurt themselves, corvi is very detached and only interested in how people react to things but they dont really realize that people are…people so they often go overboard with what they dolodovico: hates kids, he thinks theyre stupid and whiny;; kids hate him too;; he hated the idea of having a kid but he did have 1 (felix);; he was a horrible father he was abusive and disgustingly obsessed with making his son just like him when he was still alive he used to stalk felixfiore: liked kids;; kids liked her!;; she liked the idea of having kids and had 3 (attilio/iacopo/mirabella);; she was a great mother! she was the original sports mom…the original pta mom….her kids are gonna kick ur kids asses…get over it hellen…….theyre just Better……but she was very loving and caring of her children especially of attilio, she tried to make up for the treatment he received from his birthfather(nunzio)attilio: didnt like kids, thought they were too noisy and touchy;; kids didnt like him either;; he was neutral on the idea of having kids of his own, he was originally excited when time came, he had 4 kids (alessio/vittorio/petruccio/elio);; he was a good dad until alessio turned 8 and it was time to begin his training he then realized the power he had over him and he ended up turning into his own fatheriacopo: liked kids!!;; kids liked to make fun of him…..;; had 4 kids (venceslao/vespasiano/ezikiel/erza);; he was a goofy dad…..mirabella: liked kids;; kids loved her;; she had 3 kids (doriano/ippolito/ardito);; she was a loving and caring mother, she was……….pta mom….nikolas: neutral on kids;; kids didnt like him;; neutral on the idea of having kids, had 1(miska);; he wasnt a good father he was loving and caring towards miska but held impossibly high standards that miska couldnt always reach he often expressed disappointment towards him and even got violent occasionally // he completely neglected pekka and most of the times when he did acknowledge pekkas existence it was to tell him that he shouldnt exist and how much of a failure and mistake he isreijo: likes kids for the same reason as corvi, theyre easy to control;; kids like him;; had 1(pekka);; terrible father he walked out then years later when pekka found him he only used pekka to do work for him and get pekka to buy him things hes a deadbeat loservuokko: neutral on kids, leaning towards a negative view;; kids were usually split on her she was either too serious or they liked her bc she was nice;; she had 2(miska/pekka);; she tried to give her love and care to miska and pekka but she also held impossibly high standards for pekka like nikolas did for miska but she didnt press on it much, for pekka she often got bitter and blamed him for fights she and nikolas got intoryker: likes kids!;; kids like them!;; they dont like the idea of having a child of their own;; theyd be a great babysitter! theyre a good caretaker and very fun and energetic theyre just the right balance of playtime and workdimitri: loves kids!;; kids love (to make fun of) him!;; had 1(zacharie);; hes a very loving and caring dad he works his hardest to be someone his son can count on hes incredibly proud of zacharie and his friends hes a father figure to pietro and agostina as well! hes jumbo big daddemetrio: doesnt like kids but is very patient and kind to them;; kids dont really like them, they think theyre boring;; they dont like the thought of ever having kids or having to look after one;; if they had to tho theyd be very overprotective but very emotionally distant they wouldnt be very fun to play with and they wouldnt try to connect with the child much but if the child wanted them to read to them or make some crafts or draw theyd gladly do that

okej…i have way more but….i think thats all ill do for now unless u ask for the rest bc this is……..a Lotbut thank u vv much!! i had fun answering this…

[livingasaghost]

so let me talk to you about harry potter because WOOOO DAWGIES

i have been a fan of harry potter for 13 years now. started in 2004 in 4th grade and never looked back. except, recently, as in ever since pottermore rebranded i’ve been kind of bitter about it? like when they announced new material i was so unamused and i did not have any interest in seeing fantastic beasts when it actually released. i can be super stubborn and bitter, especially when things get too popular. and this was just a mess. i’ve felt so detached from it as a series for a few years now and i was afraid that i’d grown out of it or stopped enjoying it. 

never fear. i think i just went through a weird time with it like i did THG back in 2012. because i am HARRY POTTER TRASH ONCE AGAIN.

i am officially going to hp world for the first time in orlando on THE 19 YEARS LATER ANNIVERSARY SEPTEMBER 1, 2017 and i keep bouncing around thinking about it. not only is this the 10 year anniversary of deathly hallows (SERIOUSLY HOW) but i get to go on the hogwarts express on SEPTEMBER 1ST!!! i feel like i’m in 4th grade again getting all excited about it. i don’t remember when hp world opened, but since i haven’t been back to florida in like 10 years (literally) i never really got a chance to go to the WWOHP. i kept saying “SOMEDAY SOON ILL GO” or “Maybe when they expand!” and now I’m 22 and still haven’t been to the most magical place on earth (move over disney). tbh i think i was bitter about that place too. i just have a problem where if other people enjoy something, i guess i feel like i can’t enjoy it or i have to mess it up so that i cant enjoy it like they do? like even though i love getting excited about stuff with other people i also love enjoying things with me and me alone. i love being excited about stuff, but only when i’m alone in my excitement. i like going to the movies alone or fangirling about stuff alone or driving alone (see a pattern). and WWOHP is very much a not alone kind of thing. no matter who i would’ve gone with before, i would’ve been with people. if i had gone with my family i think i probably would’ve been INCREDIBLY unenthused the whole time. i would’ve wanted to be excited but something about me being around my family makes me just wanna suck the life out everyone. maybe because they expect that? i’ve made such a grand persona of myself when i’m with my fam or with certain groups of people and i HATE that i have to be someone i’m not around them. because i don’t see myself as mad and unexcited about stuff...and yet i am. it’s like whenever i’m tired or lazy or just don’t like how something is going i will revert back to “DONT TALK TO ME IM MAD” mode. i need to be better at that. 

ANYWAY i’m really glad i’m going with bookish people because i think i can actually fully experience WWOHP with them. like they will probably all be crying just like me and taking cute pics and letting me film stuff and just BEING 5TH GRADERS WITH ME and i am so beyond excited for that. i can’t wait to be a dumb tourist who takes stupid posed photos of myself in front of hogwarts and with a wand and at gringotts like I AM GOING FULL OUT WIZARD AND I DONT CARE WHO STARES AT ME! 

one of the reasons why i embraced hp so much as a child was because i think i always loved imagining that world. i loved pretending i could be a part of it or that i could experience that magic (literally and figuratively) so i’m doing to do my damn best to not let my bitter adult feelings get in the way of enjoying that day. i just keep thinking about it and watching peoples WWOHP vlogs and I WANT TO SCREAM I AM SO EXCITED! like don’t get me wrong i’m hella excited for NY and LA but this is a trip i have been waiting on for YEARS. and the fact that it’ll be on the epilogue date + september 1st makes it that much more special. i’m suddenly very glad that i waited til this year to experience this. it’s like an anniversary gift to myself. 10 years later and i’m still hp trash. i’m still so grateful to that series and what it’s done for me, and i can’t wait to ride the hogwarts express. 

more than all that though, i think what helped reignite this is that my roommate/college BFF is reading hp for the first time! i convinced her to watch ss last night for the first time and honestly it was THE BEST. i don’t really like the first movie that much and i’ve gotten so sick of just seeing hp movies because come on, i’ve seen them too many times. plus whenever i watch them anymore i just zone out and don’t pay attention. but this time, i really watched and i watched as if i were amy watching for the first time. she kept asking legit questions and remembering things from the book and i was like GIRL! YES! she was just so sweet and innocent! also i figured out i have to remain from saying spoilers and i feel like it’s 2007 again. so weird bc i wanna reference something or make a comment about a later movie and i have to stop myself because she has LITERALLY NO IDEA. it’s so much better than watching with other hp fans because this time i’m the only one quoting the movie and we aren’t all going “OMG THIS PART SUCKS WHY DIDNT THEY DO THIS”. i make fun of everyone who hasn’t read hp/seen the movies *coughcoughbrandon* but it’s so awesome to see a surge for these people who are new to the series. it’s like experiencing it for the first time again, and i never thought i’d have that chance. it’s just become such a huge part of who i am, i think i take it for granted. and i know it isn’t the most important thing (hey god) but i do think god gave us this series to help people and to teach christian values. 

I AM JUST REALLY DEEP IN HARRY POTTER RIGHT NOW AND I WANNA REREAD HARRY A HISTORY ASAP

[trendingnewsb]

Porns Sarah Palin Opens Up About Her Triumphant Return

She is one of the most popular porn stars in the worlda woman even more famous than many of the superstar athletes she dates.

Lisa Ann said goodbye to the adult entertainment industry several years ago, launching a successful career as the host of a fantasy sports program on SiriusXM. Even after she left, Ann continued to be one of the most-searched porn stars in the world.

Though most famous for her portrayal of former politician Sarah Palin in six XXX films, including the infamous Whos Nailin Paylin?, Ann is also well known for the company she keepsnamely, hot young athletes. Known for her tight lips, Ann rarely discusses her athlete hookups, but estimates to have had hundreds of professional athletes throughout her illustrious career. She prefers sleeping with NBA players, and isnt shy about dropping hintsor putting athletes on blast when they wont stop begging, like Canucks defenseman Michael Del Zotto.

And now, at 45, shes making her triumphant return to porn.

Most adult stars who succeed outside of the business dont come back, which makes Lisa Anns return to porn all the more intriguing. Reentering an industry known to prey on the young at middle age requires a confidence most 20-somethings lack. But Ann isnt just returning to pornshe wants to change it. By pushing back against the patriarchy and redefining what it means to be in the adult community, Anns determined to help other performers find success.

When I call Lisa Ann, its late afternoon. The phone rings and I leave a voicemail. Ten minutes later she calls back, explaining how the cable guy had been running late and just left. Unfortunately, the installation didnt go as planned and Ann would have to wait to be properly serviced. It sounded just like a classic porn scenario.

When I considered coming back to porn I realized that being committed to something I love without counting the dollar has made me a better person.

Lisa Ann

Hey, at least he wasnt creepy. Thats my biggest fear, is that someones going to be in my house and creepy, says Ann. I had an air conditioner installer take pictures of the inside of my house and then post them on social media. I was mortified. I stayed in my office while he did his job, I thought I was being trusting, and here he was taking pictures of my pictures with other people.

If the A/C installer had kept the pics to himself, Ann may have never known, but he blasted them on social media and linked her in his mentions. He wrote, I was just at the real Lisa Anns house, look. And there was a selfie of the guy next to my car and I was like, Oh my god, he was in my underground parking with my car!

Not that Anns complaining too much these days. If anything, shes surprisingly appreciative for someone whos achieved the kind of crossover success she has. We have so much freedom [in the adult industry]we choose when we work, we choose this unique lifestyle, and we are getting compensated more than other people working a lot harder than us. Theres a lot to be excited about.

And to the bitter, jaded performers in the industry, Ann offers the following advice: Get a regular job for ninety days, stick to the schedule youre given, only taking a lunch break when its scheduled. Then see how you feel about porn after ninety days at a regular job.

Though Ann now has a regular job as well, she doesnt think of it so much as work due to her passion for sports radio. Im an employee and I have a boss but I love what I do, she says. I want sports twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Im never late and Ive never canceled a show. I love being responsible and Im so grateful for it because I never knew Id have a gig like this.

Returning to porn was as much a practical, financial decision for Ann as it was an opportunity to give back. Shes made it very clear that getting back into the adult entertainment industry will not impact her career in sports radio. People dont do sports radio for the money. Its something you do because you love it. When I considered coming back to porn I realized that being committed to something I love without counting the dollar has made me a better person. I am going to be continuing on with my two shows on Sirius, and that way I dont get lost in the sauce, in the gossip, and the drama of the business.

Ann did not initially plan to return to the industry, but began toying with the idea after being approached by several adult companies. One big company came to me and offered a decent amount of money to do some scenes. Im smarter now and thought, if someone is offering me this much money then obviously I must be worth more. These are the people that know the numbers. I read a book about making deals, and the first offer is normally a quarter of your worth, so you go up maybe 75 to 100 percent, then its negotiated back down and you meet in the middle around 50 percent. I was inspired by the idea but sat on it for 10 months. I wanted to be sure about wanting to come back.

Even after mulling it over for almost a year, Ann approached her comeback cautiously. Not knowing how shed feel about doing porn again, she wanted to test it out before going public. And she did. That alone is a powerful accomplishment. Then again, Ann has proven herself to be an expert secret-keeper. When I shot my first scene in December I told no one. I made everyone keep it off social media, and hired people who I knew could keep a secret. I honestly wanted to shoot it and hold on to it to see if I felt differently about myself afterwards.

Shes an experienced porn star who isnt sure how shell feel after doing a scene. While this may sound odd to some, when she explains how society essentially congratulated her for getting out of porn it begins to make sense. People have spoken to me almost like I was a better person because I wasnt in the adult business anymore, she says. They say things I know are meant to be a compliment but its an insult because what theyre saying is that they thought less of me at one time. I never felt better or different out of the business, but those conversations made me ask myself, how will I feel when I wake up after doing another scene?

A true entrepreneur, Ann sees value in todays porn market. Shes certain there is more money for performers to make in the adult business than ever before, which runs contrary to the popular belief that porns going broke. Im the first person to understand the reality of it. Sure, you cant just go to set, shoot scenes, and go home and expect to make the same amount of money you used to. The hustle is different, she explains. Now there are all these different avenues to make money. The moneys there and its tenfold, you just have to be on your game, you have to use your downtime wisely, get paid to text, get paid to post and do these things every day.

According to Ann, the money is there for producers and directors toospecially with how easy (and cheap) content is to produce these days. Its a no-brainer. Its so much easier to produce content now, you spend one day on set, come home upload your content, upload your model releases and in one day you have a fully-produced scene. Especially when you know what you need.

Taking a new approach, Ann wants to educate the new generation of performers, offering counsel and guidance for their careersincluding what lies beyond should they one day wish to shed their stage name. The saddest thing about this business is that all the success stories leave, she says. Anyone who gets their head up and feels great decides they no longer belong here, so its important that as a woman I bring that success back. I have an open-phone policy for anybody [in the industry]. Im teaching some of the other women how to use software so they can take one day a week away from social media. I think we should all detach one day a week for mental health.

Ann also wants to help fellow performers recognizeand capitalize ontheir true market value, which is something she believes agents are not incentivized to do. I want to help these women up their game at marketing, I want to empower them with knowledge and get them to understand they are a capital-building machine right now, says Ann. They can produce their own stuff at home on their cell phones and make money all day long. Agents want to to force them to go to set because agents only make money when the girls go to set. These women need to know they arent just a product; rather, they are young entrepreneurs, and they are now living in the Silicon Valley-era of porn.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/porns-sarah-palin-opens-up-about-her-triumphant-return

from Viral News HQ https://ift.tt/2KsE39g via Viral News HQ

[unohanadaydreams]

Happy birthday @tuliharja​! Last night I was deciding whether to answer thirst posts, hovered over yours, and saw today’s date for you b-day in your bio. I guess consider it payback for tagging me in that post, that one time haha?

May this humble offering of hurt/comfort be sufficient. I wrote and edited it all today so if my not-so-fresh eyes missed mistakes pls forgive me lmao.

so close and yet so far from death [1k+ words]

Jushiro Ukitake:

Falling to her knees, Kiyone pressed her blubbering face against the thin door. “He won’t tell us! Not a thing,” she said, like she was struggling to contain a sob.

Sentaro’s arms circling around her waist, he tugged her to a stand.

“We tried our best.” Despite his eyes holding yours, it seemed more a reassurance for the down trodden Kiyone leaning against him.

Your smile was soft when it lifted.

When had they ever failed at keeping their captain first in their hearts and minds?

 “Of course, you did,” you said, trying to infuse your thanks into a tender tone. “Thank you for your efforts.”

Relieving them from their post with a squeeze to Sentaro’s shoulder and a ruffle of Kiyone’s hair, you pressed on.

And immediately crouched to the floor, your fingers smoothing over the warm knit blanket tossed in the entry way, your heart squeezing.

Oh, Jushiro.

You smothered your face in the blanket. Breathed in his scent. Desperate to collect yourself with arms full of buttery soft yarn. You waited, crouched and tense, for the knot of tears that pricked at your throat to loosen and dissolve away.

The growing sadness only made the tears spill. How hypocritical of you--wishing  Jushiro would see more than pity in your actions, while you paused here…pitying you both.

With a soft determination, you nodded, brushed tears from warm cheeks.

“Right!” Using the momentum of your renewed hope, you hoisted yourself up, wrapped the blanket around your shoulders, and toed off both your sandals. Your thoughts of ‘poor Jushiro’ left in the doorway with them.

The blanket hugged you, warm and comfortable as you padded across the tatami mat to the backyard. You might have paused longer without the yarn-spun shield--near dead, with Fall smoothly moving to embrace Winter, the garden looked unwelcoming.

The chill of stepping outside slapped at your exposed face in uneven bursts of wind, but you persisted, fingers foisted in the blanket.

You seemed to spot him all at once, as though the slump of his frame had camouflaged him. His bleak mood folding him into the similarly blanched surroundings.

He was without his captain’s coat. The thin, faded kimono he often wore to bed was all that shielded him from the wind’s bite. Strands of his long, bone white hair lifted, like the wind was a mouth, tugging.

You kept your feet steady despite the worry, unsure if the deep concern you felt would cause him to flee; a deer bolting at the first crunch of underbrush.

“Jushiro,” you said. Your voice tensed his shoulders, caused his head to jump as though roused from thought.

Your arms de-tangled from the wool and draped it over his shoulders before you sank beside him. “Your lieutenants are sulking like puppies, you know.”

“Hm. They should be used to it by now,” he said in a melancholy tone that you struggled to hear. Jushiro never spoke about the silly tag team who constantly trailed him like that.

‘Patience be damned,’ you thought. Groaning loud and forceful you smacked your cold hands against your equally frost licked cheeks. “I can’t do it!”

Jushiro finally turned to you, eyebrows raised.

“I can’t stand seeing you so down on yourself,” you carried on, the steam of your outrage warming you, causing your breath to puff in white clouds. “And I’m not leaving until you talk to me!”

He winced, a bitter twist raising his lips at the sight of your hand grabbing for his. “I couldn’t get through the proposal.”

“It was just bad timing.”

His gaze retreated, moving to track flashing scales of sluggish, well-fed koi instead.

“Yes, exactly,” Jushiro croaked. “What if it’s always bad timing? Will you be so understanding when it’s our wedding day that I’m coughing up blood at?”

Your hand tightened around his, rubbing at his pale, thin fingers. “Of course,” you said, trying to contain your frustration. “Jushiro, I love you. I love all of you. Not just when you’re healthy or when life is easy.”

His dark brown eyes met yours for a breathless moment before his hand squeezed back and he laced your fingers together. “You deserve someone like that, -chan. Someone healthy. Who makes life easy.”

You couldn’t have shaken your head with anymore force, wishing you could smash your forehead against his and force every ounce of your feelings through his thick skull. Jushiro’s determination to upend your point tightened your throat.

“No,” you said, voice quivering in frustration. “I deserve the man who proposed to me because he loves me so much he wants to spend his life with me!! I--”

His arms were tugging at your back before you could speak further. Your deep, shuddering breath sucked the cotton fabric against his chest to your lips as you began to cry in earnest.

There was nothing to do but say it once more--”I love you, Jushiro. I do.”

“Oh,” he said, so mournful in his regret. “My dear.”

“Am I?,” you sobbed. “Then why can’t I be your wife, too?”

His hair tickled at your ears as it cascaded over you, his chin sharp against your scalp. “You are--oh, you are.”

He called your name, then again, and again, each utterance more bare than the last. “It’s just like me to forget how far pride forces you from others, isn’t it.”

Jushiro’s lips pressed to the top of your head, the chill of his own tears pooling between the kiss. The proof of his hurt did nothing to satisfy you. But your crying slowed, your arms hugging him, hands meeting behind his shaking back.

“Yes, but you understand now, don’t you? You’re not a sickness I need shielded from.”

Arms almost crushing, he held you tightly, for long minutes that were marked only by soft crying and whistling wind. “Thank you,” he managed after his body had grown steady.

Your tears wet his kimono in a warm pool of relief as he rubbed firm circles against your back. Your hands clutch at his sides, pressing to feel the warm of his body.

“Forgive me, please. I’m just so used to...”--Jushiro grappled for words and you waited for him to wrestle the correct ones down--”keeping it hidden. Only being sick behind closed doors, away from everyone, and coming back when it’s through. There doesn’t seem to be any room for that kind of separation in marriage.”

“No,” you agreed. “I wouldn’t want there to be.”

Tentative, almost too low for you to hear anything but the vibration of his chest, he said, “I don’t want it to be that way either.”

“So, if you understand” you sniffle, muffled by fabric and skin and salty tears, failing at light-hearted. “Are we still getting married?”

Jushiro pushed at your shoulders until you felt the wind drying your tears in a cruel chill. His thin hands cupped your face, thumbs swiping at the damp tracks trailing your cheeks. You did the same for him. “-chan,” he sighed, tender and reassuring. “Would you marry a silly man like me? Through all my sickness and little bits of health?”

Puffs of visible warmth formed between your faces as you chuckled in pathetic, wet hiccups. “Yes. For the second time, yes.”

Jushiro relaxed fully in one large breath as he leaned forward to kiss you, both of you unbothered by the mingling tears wetting your faces or the briny taste of them shared between your tongues.

His hands cradled your back and pressed you fully against him as he deepened the kiss, his head canting to the side. The blanket fell from his shoulders. Tumbling from your reach as you locked your arms around his neck.

Your lips detached from Jushiro’s as a thump sounded from the porch, Shunsui’s voice registering seconds after.

“Well, what did I say, you two?”

Quick enough to bring spots to your eyes, you turned to see Sentaro’s body lying prone against the wood, his fingers shielding a blushed face. Both he and Kiyone looked mortified, yet unable to look away as Shunsui glided toward you.

“C-captain we-we just,” Kiyone said, her teeth chattering in anxiety as she squashed her face with clutching hands, fingers wide enough to allow her eyes an unobstructed view.

“We came to celebrate the newlyweds,” Shunsui interrupted, smoothly raising a large, elegantly decorated bottle of unopened sake. “But don’t let us interrupt you just yet. Sake’s always sweeter with a view, after all. And something tells me it was just getting good.”

Jushiro inhaled deeply as he hugged you close again, but his brown eyes were light, twinkling with humor. “I should thank you to keep that particular gaze away from my future wife.”

Freeing your head with a twist, you eyed Shunsui with a dramatized sniff, your own arms tight around Jushiro’s body. “Sorry, but that was the end of whatever show you were hoping for!”

Shunsui flopped boneless to the porch. With a wink, he began pouring booze into large drinking saucers and you couldn’t help but grin. “Maaa. Just my luck.”

“We’ll be going now, captain!” Kiyone bowed dramatically, tugging at Sentaro’s uniform with enough force to tug it loose from his obi, as she backed away. “We’re so happy for you!”

“Congratulations, captain! I’m the happiest I’ve ever BEEN for you!”

“Everyone’s going to be so excited!!”

“Kiyone! How dare you?! I would NEVER spread this information without our captain’s permission!”

“Wha--no! Captain, I meant when they find out! I would hate even MORE to spread your private information around.”

Your laughter warmed everything inside you. Jushiro’s arms holding you helping just as much.

Thanking them, you and he dismissed them with fond smiles that they took with them, their bickering explosive with relief.

As Jushiro pressed his lips to your cheek and led you to the porch, you were glad for both his and Shunsui’s hand helping you to kneel. Your soul felt so light, without them, you’d surely float away.