#but i can't like have a bunch of little impulse purchases. i have to keep track again.

[fantabulisticity]

My car is fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sore butt can recover from bicycling now!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, the cost of having my car fixed was $574. So, like. You know.

[thegreenleavesofspring]

.

I kicked my husband out in the beginning of December '21 when he finally went from just taking a swing at me to taking a swing at the four-year-old for the crime of asking for help. Earned myself a broken nose and broken glass that day but he was finally out. Moved back in with his messed-up family.

For the year after that until December 31st 2022, he came over on the weekends to take us to the store (the car was entirely in his name and he took it with him. He also never permitted me to get a driver's license, so) and to see the boys. I told him all year that he could move back in if/when he got counseling and shaped up. He always had an excuse why he couldn't.

On December 31st he was physically abusive to me and the boys in the self-checkout corral of Walmart. Police were called. CPS got involved. As of January he is not permitted to have any contact with me and the boys at all.

This has been a massive improvement in our day to day lives (his abuse wasn't limited to only the physical.) My children are more stable, happier, and learning more effectively.

But it also left us without transportation and also he took it as permission to entirely cut us off financially. No phone, no internet, no renters insurance, no rent, nothing. All in one day. And I went from not being permitted to have a job to being solely financially responsible for the boys - I have been trying and trying to get child support but none of my filings have come to aught.

And too my severely disabled mother has needed me to take care of her as best I can a city away without transportation every single day, which is its own kind of wearing...

A very dear out-of-state friend purchased us a Walmart membership so I could order food and diapers. Another very dear out-of-state friend proposed an arrangement where I work online for her and her husband.

All of which is just background and lead-up. I have been struggling with depression and overwhelm and sometimes suicidal tendencies for eight months now. Like I have been slowly sinking into a black mire and all my thrashing is just barely keeping my head above. And I have no one else to whom I can reach out for help. Every time I try it's... it only makes it so so much worse.

But the depression and overwhelm are morphing. Into misandry (men are useless, men are incapable of love, no man will ever protect a woman, men are faithless and cruel and selfish and violent and and and - SHUT UP SHUT UP IT'S LIES I KNOW IT'S LIES THEY'RE NOT ALL MY HUSBAND SHUT UP--) into distrust and disbelief of God (servant and slave of Jesus Christ but not a beloved daughter, He does not want you happy, He is displeased with you, the best you can hope for is to sneak around unnoticed in a corner while everyone else receives their crowns) and that one... I can't shake it. I read the Bible and I sneer. Those promises are for other people. Not me. I can't even justify that mindset (because it's unjustifiable) but I believe it with my whole heart anyway and I can't... help it. I can't help it.

...anyway that was depressing, sorry.

Anyway I was flopping around angsting last night, the usual sulking Nobody loves me, I'm so tired, I'm so bored, I'm so tired of being trapped inside, I am the worst mother ever and my children will hate me and follow the family tradition of moving out the minute they can, I am sick of living in a cluttered mess and not having real furniture, I am no Daughter of God but only a reject from the church, pushed out the house, no place for me at the Communion table blah blah blah. And I went and made a bunch of reckless impulse buys online.

Now, ordering from Walmart is a bit like playing Russian Roulette. Will you get someone picking out your food who is awake, cares about their job, and is competent? Or will you get someone who is half-asleep, just doesn't care, and/or is a flaming idiot? So normally I order the same few things that can survive sleepy careless idiots over and over.

But I went a little manic last night and ordered a whole bunch of produce (apples and a cantaloupe and spinach and Stuff) as well as a new pair of earbuds that are usually $20 but went down to $18 for back to school (I have a pair of the same kind I got years ago and they still work 90% of the time but that 10% is Annoying and also the volume controls and the replay/previous song functionalities don't work anymore.)

A little treat. ^_^

And it all came first thing this morning and... whoever picked my produce out was a literal angel. The apples are pristine and the spinach is bright green and not slimy and the potatoes are perfect and the cantaloupe is GORGEOUS and - it must've all just come off the truck? Because Walmart produce NEVER looks this good anyway?

And it was like a little whisper. Of course I care about you, even when you can't see it. Of course I can provide fresh produce for you if you'll have faith in Me. Do you think that getting good produce from Walmart is impossible for Me? I love you. I love you.

And I still can't quite believe it. Even with the evidence right in front of my eyes. I still can't make myself believe it. But I am trying oh I am trying...

Anyway I hope nobody actually read this pity-party riddled angst fest. XD

[shadow-scenarios]

Hey, I hope you're okay right now! I know I still have an earlier request and if you can't write for it then I won't mind if you discard it and just do this instead. For the boys, what about a rich s/o who loves taking care of the boys, giving them gifts and just worry about them in general, but not in an overly clingy way, just sort of like casually? (Does that make sense I feel like it doesn't 😅)

Hey moonflowerpetals !! I’m doing pretty well, I’ve got a bunch of time off now so that hopefully means more writing.

I hope you don’t mind that I discarded the other one, I just wasn’t really sure what to write? This one was a lot easier though.

- Nexus.

Joker { Akira Kurusu }

✧ He really appreciates the gestures but often remarks about how they should be more careful with their money. If they were to listen out during conversation & buy something that he mentioned, Akira would be eternally grateful. Though he has a lot of funds, most of it goes to Phantom Thief business & he often struggles to know when to spend money on himself.

✧ Gifts are not particularly his thing, it is more that he likes to gift them to others. However, if they make something for him, his heart will soar & they may even catch a glimpse of a flustered Akira, as he cannot process anything to say. Even if it is only small, the amount of care they show makes him feel warm. No one has cared about him as much as they have.

✧ Taking care of Akira can be difficult... Quite often he ends up throwing aside his wants & needs for the sake of others. Though he claims that he is fine & that it is all for Phantom Thief business, being the primary source of emotional comfort in a variety of different situations can take a toll. Affection can go a long way & he appreciates simply being able to spend time together. Frankly, he is quite easy to please.

Skull { Ryuji Sakamoto }

✧ Treat him to a night out of unlimited ramen & he will love them forever. Though he has mainly simple wants, sometimes letting them pay for things makes him smile a little because they seem to care so much. The amount of money they have does not particularly matter to Ryuji, as he likes them for the way they are, not the things they have.

✧ He has the opposite problem of some of his friends. Sometimes is he a little to indulgent of what he wants so a significant other than can allow him to balance things such as school work & relaxation time could be good for them. Despite all his grumbling about having to revise for tests or completing homework, he finds himself grateful that they are there to make sure that he keeps on top of things.

✧ In return, Ryuji often helps them to unwind. Dates become common & he pays for a lot of things, even if they insist that they can. Although he feels as though his locations are often underwhelming compared to where they take him, he enjoys the urban areas of life such as the arcade. Besides, he feels out of place in anyplace that seems to be fancy.

Fox { Yusuke Kitagawa }

✧ Though he hates the idea of using his significant other for their money, he is broke to the point where sometimes he will struggle to feed himself. Gestures such as paying for lunch or a drink he bought without asking warms Yusuke’s heart & he expresses this freely.

✧ Talking to him about how he manages his own finances could be healthy as well, for he often impulse buys gifts or anything that he thinks would be good for him. Art often comes first & though he needs these supplies, purchasing two lobsters is not the best idea when Yusuke barely has the money to afford a train ticket back home.

✧ Most of their concerns should be about his diet. Yusuke commonly undereats, even if he tries his best to have a balanced diet. He is not purposely doing so but if they ever made him a meal, his gratitude would never be able to fully expressed. Aside from his disdain towards particularly spicy food, he is not all that picky.

Crow { Goro Akechi }

✧ Akechi is not vain in nature. Money is easily made from both the Metaverse & his sideshow as a detective but he is often quite cheap with his own selections. Even places such as his apartment are bare, lacking any signs of life aside from the paperwork scattering his desk. Giving him something to make the place feel more homely would be surely appreciated. Every time he comes back from work, he takes some time to look at what was gifted to him.

✧ Fancy dates are quite common, as Akechi finds it easier to play up the role of the charming detective in high class areas. At least once, there will be a small debate about who pays & it will often end with him insisting but failing to win the argument. Deep down, he appreciates the gesture a lot & he mentions this in private at least once or twice.

✧ Self-care is something he does not practise on the regular, as he does not believe himself to deserve it. If his significant other were to encourage it he would eventually come to accept it with a heavy heart. A lot of it involves simply staying at home & not working but it is a good start.

Word Count: 790

Publish Date: 22.10.20

[videoplanchette]

Okay to avoid ranting to legitimately everyone on my discord contact lists. I am a pretty big Goosebumps fan. I'm not going to say the largest there was. But one of my first impulse purchases, when the pandemic started, was getting a bunch of assorted Goosebumps books from the original 90s run. Goosebumps were one of the first series of books to get me interested in reading aside from Guardians of Gahoole. I was always intimidated by the Fear Street novels as a kid bc they looked way too scary from the lens of a 3/4th grader. I never got the chance to read them. Now that I'm quite a bit older I hope to one day get all the way through the R.L Stine books in production order. All this to segue into the new Fear Street adaptation on Netflix.

I'm not the pickiest person when it comes to movies, I don't approach them with the mindset that I'm going to hate something. I'm rather the opposite, I find that approaching something with a positive attitude typically gives me positive results. That being said I have a weird relationship with these movies. I feel like this should be something I really enjoy. Anyone who knows me knows I love horror, I love the 90s/80s vhs nostalgia punk setting, I love R.L Stine's both whimsical and clever approach to writing horror (which this movie did borrow from in the last installment.) I don't want to say I hated it, because I didn't. I really enjoyed what it had to say and the commentary it had about the systemic inequality between both towns, even if it was a little basic. It borrows a lot from the pages of Wes Craven when it comes to saterization and critique of horror tropes. I love the attitude the films had. I loved the soundtrack. I loved the representation this gave to poc without making it solely into racial trauma. In that regard, it was a total breath of fresh air. I loved most of the performances and I loved the jittery editing style that was still comprehensive. The characters while starting off unlikeable did eventually grow on me.

I don't want to dissuade anyone from watching the films, I implore everyone to watch these movies and reach their own conclusion.

Personally, for me, these films range on the side of a strong 6-7 out of 10. I live in a town very similar to Shadyside, not as much murder obviously, but still written off as white trash drug-addicted criminals. And there's something almost kind of like wish fulfillment about "it's just a curse" or "its just one bad guy" conclusion the movie comes to, where it feels really immature. Like the movie clearly has a lot to say about systemic injustice but the thing about systemic injustice is that it doesn't suddenly become unwoven after a person of power dies.

and the thing about Sunnyvale is that despite those people profiting off of a curse they didn't know about, there is very little done in the way to make them sympathetic. I don't think the narrative of the movie wants us to come to that conclusion esp since Sam (the main love interest of the film) is relatively harmless and moreso used as just a prop character is supposed to be "good". She is unwillingly moved to Sunnyvale after her mother divorces her father, so I don't think her or her family is the rich single entity the movie wants us to seek vengeance against. Yet it feels messy. Really messy. I'm going to link to a video from the channel folding ideas talking about the book of henry to sort of better illustrate my point about framing versus actual direction.

The way the movie also sort of scoffs at drug use, especially marijuana almost seems out of character for a movie made in 2021. I feel like that could be its separate post. Like it feels in character for a horror movie in the 70s and 80s, but with the more educated perspective in 2021, I feel like we all know that most of the over-policing on drugs came from the US government actively flooding the ghettos with narcotics in order to police them better?

If you didn't know that I'm going to link to a couple informative videos. I suggest researching further of course. these just provide the broadest strokes as to why the "war on drugs" was largely used as xenophobic and homophobic propaganda.

But maybe that discrepancy was intentional? Like its baked in so many layers of irony, I just can't keep up with it? I dunno. Like it wants to say something about addiction, it wants to say something about the over-policing of drugs, it wants to say something about the opioid crisis-- but I couldn't tell you what it was. I legitimately couldn't tell you if this movie was on the side of addicts and drug dealers as the means of using any method you could for escaping poverty-- or actively finger-wagging at addicts for like... being addicts? And the self-harm thing in part two... I-- I genuinely don't know what to say about that other than it felt exploitive. like the ending of part two felt so... fucking weird? like it was funny in the way it just totally caught me off guard but it was out of keeping tonally with the rest of the work. I don't expect a horror movie of all things to get its commentary 100 percent correct-- that would make me an idiot. But I guess I am particularly tired of seeing this one trope repeatedly crop up. this post is getting a little out of hand so maybe next post I'll talk about the comparison between Fear Street, Goosebumps, and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

[yamanaka-shin]

Itachi sets the pair of shopping bags on the table as Haruka watches, ready to help with anything he may need. One by one he takes out the items and sets them down beside the bag so they can be put away into their proper places. When he gets down to the bottom of the bag, though it is not yet empty, he stops. His wife gives him a curious look and a little flicker of knowing dances in his eyes. She is immediately even more curious than before as this must mean he's up to something.

"Do you trust me?" He begins. It's an odd thing to ask, but she's very prepared to go along with it.

"With my life." She's quick to nod and smile though inside she's begging to know what he's scheming.

"Close your eyes. I promise not to do anything you don't like."

"I have no idea what you're up to Mr. Uchiha." She starts, but complies. "But okay. Surprise me."

Haruka shuts her eyes and waits for him to follow through with what he is planning. The bag is rifled through again until he finds what he's after and withdraws it. Then he walks up close to her and she can hear the faint sound of something plastic be unscrewed before an entirely new sensation dawns on her. It's a scent, something pleasantly fruity and sweet, and she finds that she likes it a lot. Though it becomes even harder now to keep her eyes closed. Hopefully her beloved will tell her to open them soon. He screws the cap back on whatever is in his hands and she does her best to be patient.

And, as sure as the moon has cycles, he speaks up once more to give her just that exact relief. "It's okay to look now."

Brown eyes flutter open in a flash and Haruka comes face to face with what had smelled so inviting. It was a little bottle of holiday soap with an adorable cartoon fox on it and a festive scent name. She nearly hops in place a couple of times at how sweet and thoughtful she finds this little gift and instead settles on placing an appreciative kiss on his cheek instead. The corners of his mouth turn up in a smile and he's pleased that his impulse purchase has delighted his wife so much.

"I saw it and thought of you. Do you like the smell?" He holds up the bottle nice and steady so she can read what's on it.

She gently takes the bottle from him and holds it like a treasure. "I love it, thank you so much. Next time you go to the store would you be able to pick up a couple more? I want to have them stashed away for after the holiday."

"Of course, I would be happy to." He is handed back the soap and sets it on the table next to the other groceries.

"I can't wait to tell you about my day." Haruka begins putting things away to make it easier for her husband. "And I want to hear about yours, too."

There is a bunch of bananas in his hand that he sets on the counter before he goes to answer her, smile still brightening his face. "I cannot wait to hear what you have to tell me."

[theplanetprince]

I think those I've spoken to on discord already know my feelings on a lot of various horror movies, but I just thought I would post my thoughts here since this is mostly a horror(?) Or at the very least a blog where I talk about my relationship with writing/editing with horror content.

I am a pretty big Goosebumps fan. I'm not going to say the largest there was. But one of my first impulse purchases, when the pandemic started, was getting a bunch of assorted Goosebumps books from the original 90s run. Goosebumps were one of the first series of books to get me interested in reading aside from Guardians of Gahoole. I was always intimidated by the Fear Street novels as a kid bc they looked way too scary from the lens of a 3/4th grader. I never got the chance to read them. Now that I'm quite a bit older I hope to one day get all the way through the R.L Stine books in production order.

All this to segue into the new Fear Street adaptation on Netflix.

I'm not the pickiest person when it comes to movies, I don't approach them with the mindset that I'm going to hate something. I'm rather the opposite, I find that approaching something with a positive attitude typically gives me positive results. That being said I have a weird relationship with these movies. I feel like this should be something I really enjoy. Anyone who knows me knows I love horror, I love the 90s/80s vhs nostalgia punk setting, I love R.L Stine's both whimsical and clever approach to writing horror (which this movie did borrow from in the last installment.) I don't want to say I hated it, because I didn't. I really enjoyed what it had to say and the commentary it had about the systemic inequality between both towns, even if it was a little basic. It borrows a lot from the pages of Wes Craven when it comes to satirization and critique of horror tropes. I love the attitude the films had. I loved the soundtrack. I loved the representation this gave to poc without making it solely into racial trauma. In that regard, it was a total breath of fresh air. I loved most of the performances and I loved the jittery editing style that was still comprehensive. The characters while starting off unlikeable did eventually grow on me.

I don't want to dissuade anyone from watching the films, I implore everyone to watch these movies and reach their own conclusion.

Personally, for me, these films range on the side of a strong 6-7 out of 10. I live in a town very similar to Shadyside, not as much murder obviously, but still written off as white trash drug-addicted criminals. And there's something almost kind of like wish fulfillment about "it's just a curse" or "its just one bad guy" conclusion the movie comes to, where it feels really immature. Like the movie clearly has a lot to say about systemic injustice but the thing about systemic injustice is that it doesn't suddenly become unwoven after a person of power dies.

and the thing about Sunnyvale is that despite those people profiting off of a curse they didn't know about, there is very little done in the way to make them sympathetic. I don't think the narrative of the movie wants us to come to that conclusion esp since Sam (the main love interest of the film) is relatively harmless and moreso used as just a prop character is supposed to be "good". She is unwillingly moved to Sunnyvale after her mother divorces her father, so I don't think her or her family is the rich single entity the movie wants us to seek vengeance against. Yet it feels messy. Really messy. I'm going to link to a video from the channel folding ideas talking about the book of henry to sort of better illustrate my point about framing versus actual direction.

The way the movie also sort of scoffs at drug use, especially marijuana almost seems out of character for a movie made in 2021. I feel like that could be its separate post. Like it feels in character for a horror movie in the 70s and 80s, but with the more educated perspective in 2021 I feel like we all know that most of the over-policing on drugs came from the US government actively flooding the ghettos with narcotics in order to police them better?

If you didn't know that I'm going to link to a couple informative videos. I suggest researching further of course. these just provide the broadest strokes as to why the "war on drugs" was largely used as xenophobic and homophobic propaganda.

But maybe that discrepancy was intentional? Like its baked in so many layers of irony, I just can't keep up with it? I dunno. Like it wants to say something about addiction, it wants to say something about the over-policing of drugs, it wants to say something about the opioid crisis-- but I couldn't tell you what it was. I legitimately couldn't tell you if this movie was on the side of addicts and drug dealers as the means of using any method you could for escaping poverty-- or actively finger-wagging at addicts for like... being addicts? And the self-harm thing in part two... I-- I genuinely don't know what to say about that other than it felt exploitive. like the ending of part two felt so... fucking weird? like it was funny in the way it just totally caught me off guard but it was out of keeping tonally with the rest of the work. I don't expect a horror movie of all things to get its commentary 100 percent correct-- that would make me an idiot. But I guess I am particularly tired of seeing this one trope repeatedly crop up. this post is getting a little out of hand so maybe next post I'll talk about the comparison between Fear Street, Goosebumps, and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.