#but i am so fucking emotionally drained bro

[opossum-by-night]

Today consisted of going to a funeral with the partner's family, going to my brother in law's (whose dad the funeral was for) baseball game, coming back to the house with the mother in law, her and my partner each drinking a whole 6 pack of beer, and her trauma dumping to both of us about the following:

(TW: abuse/domestic violence)

• How her ex (partner's dad) abused and threatened to kill her, them, and/or himself on multiple occasions

• How she had to figure out how to protect herself and the kids from him while living in Germany and speaking no German (ex was military) because he wouldn't let her leave the country with them or contact her family

• Having to break up with her other ex (BIL's dad who died) WHILE in the hospital directly after giving birth to BIL, because he started verbally abusing partner and other BIL (middle schoolers at the time) so aggressively that it made the nurse cry

• How weird it is to now be close friends with dead ex's widow and hear her and BIL talk about how great a husband and dad he was, considering the preceding information (which she has told to the widow, but not sure about BIL???)

And now she's throwing up in our half bathroom at 4am lmao

[lynxalon]

srry,,vent :/

[thatfoxnamedfinley]

You Cannot Have My Pain aka Oathbringer thoughts

I am an empty shell

in both a good and a bad way

it's 5:28AM as I start to write this

MOASH

how DARE you

Dalinar I actually love you

Odium, u r actually a CREEP dude

spoilers will be under the cut *bows an emotionally drained bow*

*stares into the distance, watching the waves crash onto the shore*

Do you guys ever relate to a character that's nothing like you? Like, something happened in your life that CONNECTS you to a character? For me, that's Dalinar.

And I know what you're thinking

WHAT bitch?

a warlord tyrant turned peacemaker, eh? r u a criminal bitch?

No. But I did lose my mom to cancer in 2022. My internal landscape changed overnight. The things I deemed important changed. I was able to finally see my flaws, made bare by my immense regret (a normal feeling when grieving) and it look a LOT of therapy to forgive myself. I didn't like the person I was. I was selfish, was quick to judge and didn't desire human connection, and I was so mad at myself that it took my mom dying to spark that change.

Without making this a TED Talk, I deeply connected to Dalinar's grief that struck me in an unexpected way.

"Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing." Oh...? Oh. Oh. TEARS down my face.

LET US BEGIN.

So, we BEGIN the book with Dalinar seeing a figure in black Shardplate with nine shadows and red eyes

oh ok

Oh bro when Elhokar bowed down to Dalianr trying to abdicate and name Dalinar a Highking...& Dalinar and Navani are like

!! bro !! GET UP

OMG!!

WHEN HIS MEMORY CAME BACK OF EVI

I remember reading it and they were like "blah blah blah yeah, Evi" and I was like bro WAIT A FUCKING SECOND DUDE

oh oh oh

When Pattern asked if Adolin was an option for him to marry LMFAO ok Pattern we get it hahhhahhaha Pattern is so funny dude

Even in Shadesmar when he and Adolin were pretending to be illusions and he was happily waving a glass stick above his head, I'm like damn he's....a little touched tbh

Dalinar strolling around during a highstorm looking for a fucking knife was iconic as well as him spotting the assassin in literally 0.5 seconds and murking him and everyone in the room is like

Gavilar was like "um thanks"

Blackthorn Unleashed was an amazing chapter. He went into Bloodstance - a stance for someone who didn't care if he got hit and he was RAGING

But you know what I also noticed about this chapter? Gavilar like, casually put a hit out on Highprince Kalanor and juts points Dalinar wherever he wants. And I GET IT, right? Like, the Alethi are good at war. Everyone talks about it, it's what they're known for.

HOWEVER, the enabling of Dalinar's behavior is, at times, sickening. Even though I know this is a cultural thing and they all see it as a good thing. There were several times in this book where Sadeas or Gavilar said something to push Dalinar towards violence that I was like YO this is super fucked up.

Tangerine had a interesting quote too. He was telling a story about how if there were 3 people and one was a murderer, would you hang all of them, let them all go and risk someone killing again, or keep them all in prison despite some being innocent. And Tangerine said

"Eventually you will execute someone who does not deserve it. This is the burden society must carry in exchange for order." And I'm sitting here in the US of A like

holy fuck we're rich bitches <-- my audiobook bookmark when the Midnight Mother is chased away by Shallan's phalanges and we see all the uncut gems in the pillar thingy

JASNAH WELCOME BACK BITCH I was lit and it was so unexpected, she was such a badass in this book. At the end when she isn't even looking when she's killing The Fused and when she steps into politics and I'm like oh Jasnah will STEAMROLL these mother fuckers

OMG when Adolin was like I am NOT going to be king, dad and Shallan was like "hmm have you guys ever thought of..." and I rolled my eyes and was like "Renarin, duh. He'll have more prominence in the story this way and"

*Jasnah walks into the room with a crown on*

OF COURSE!! IM A FUCKING IDIOT!!! OF COURSE JASNAH SHOULD RULE. Omg I feel like she hates politics but she's the PERFECT one for the job! She can be the best diplomat but also fuck them up with words (or she could soulcast tf outta them)

OH! Evi suggesting the Nightwatcher first was a surprise

omg wait about Evi

she was amazing. she tried so hard despite not fully understanding everything (I do blame Dalinar because he made decisions, but I mostly blame Alethi culture, here. I cursed out loud multiple times at their NEED for conquest and war, growing frustrated at how narrow minded that can make them. as well as how cruel). she was scared of him, but she had this one moment when she told Dalinar after finding out that he had actually spared that child, that she saw BEAUTY in him. i was like oh bitch you are a baby angel

she tried so hard for Dalinar. even that scene when Adolin crawled down from the carriage and he saluted Dalinar...and Evi said Adolin asked her the best way to talk to him and when she told him he was a war general he decides to salute

that's just....that moment was so sweet despite Dalinar still not understanding how to be a father

LIFT SAYING THAT DALINAR HAS A DUMPTRUCK OF AN ASS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES

Lift out here like "HEY YO TIGHT BUTT WHATS GOING ON?"

holy fuck

Dalinar in canon having a nice ass is one of the funniest, most unexpected comedic jokes of this series

oh, Shallan was supposed to take notes but was drawing Kaladin instead ok girl

Teft being addicted to firemoss and Rock saving Kaladin with the Shardbow were both so amazing characters moments. teft having so much self hatred and selling his uniform which ended up coming back around when the person who attacked bridge 4 for the herald blade had his vets on PHEEWW and Rock saving the day I SCREAMEDDDDD!!! OMG ROCK!!!

"You're thinking of me," the Stormfather sent. "I can feel it."

BRO WHAT???????????? STAY IN THE STORM WHY YOU SAYING WEIRD SHIT

Jasnah vs Amaram was legendary. She REALLY said do you feel lucky today, punk

ODIUMMMMMMMMM

yo when Odium showed up literally the nicest dude wanting to braid Dalinar's hair I was like HELL NO this man is dangerous

then when he showed Dalinar his final form I GUESS he's like all hatred and passion and sex and bloodlust and im like oh HELL NO dude

"Emotion. It is what defines men - though ironically you are poor vessels for it. It fills you up and breaks you unless you find someone to share the burden with" oh ok cool odium, lol poor weak humans, fuck us then i guess

Kaza was maybe the most memorable one off character for me, the soulcaster woman who was dying and chose to kamikaze at the end because she wanted to choose how she went out

Lift and Dalinar eating fruit together in silence is, I fear, iconic

i cracked up at the myth wit told about the queen who switched places with Mishim (the moon) to fuck Nomon (the other moon) and that's why Natanatan people are blue

like wtf bitch

Adolin telling Kaladin he talks like a girl sometimes....oh? Adolin? OH?????? *smirks in Alethi*

The Rathalas scene was nuts. The thing was he tried too, Dalinar tried to offer some sort of mercy and they fucked his ass with a pole. Then he's like ok, dope *embraces Thrill in a sensual embrace* "None will be left to weep" got it cool cool cool

I do like the little hints left, like he sees red (which we see later is the Unmade) and all the times he's briefly seen red and flashes of red we know was the Nergaoul, who was thought to be the origin of the Alethi "Thrill" which I found fascinating

OOOOOOH MY GOD

MOASH

MOASH!!!

FUCKING MOASH

HOW DARE YOU!!!

after he was EMOTIONLESS when he KILLED Elhokar then SALUTED KALADIN WITH THE BRIDGE FOUR SALUTE RIGHT AFTER IT

Literally fuck Moash (his arc is fine and it's interesting because we get more lore but I dont like him)

THEN HE SHANKS JEZRIAN like MOASH wtf are you DOING bro?!?!?!?!!!!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?

I liked how cautious Queen Fen was but then remained an ally when shit hit the fan (I liked how cautious everyone was tbh because they're all just so scared of ThE BLAcKtHoRn and youre like bro come ON but then you're like oh yeah ok i get it)

I LOVED Dalinar's flashbacks. With the Nightwatcher (then Cultivation after Dalinar asked for forgiveness and NW was like ??? and Cultivation was like "I got it from here bitch"), and when he breaks down and holds Renarin ("They talk about you, but they're wrong. You just need to rest, after all the fighting you did. I know. And I miss her too." RENARIN PLEASE!!! THE TEARS I HADDD!!!!!), when Adolin lights up after Dalinar tells him he's proud of him, how he thinks of himself as an animal, that he deserves to be hated. It's all just so MUCH.

The PANIC ATTACK he was having when the Thrill like, chased him around and threatened to consume him...

It was so well done that the

YOU CANNOT HAVE MY PAIN was so GOOD it was so EARNED. God, the CATHARSIS I felt in that moment was so satisfying. Because bitches i really thought Dalinar was going to become Odium's champion and out intrepid heroes were going to have to fight DALINAR in book 4

Odium: lol I've had my champion for a long ass time, bro. ive been preparing him and watching him forever

Dalinar: Amaram?

Odium: lmfao bro its you bro

Dalinar: ...bro

and I was like

Then Dalinar said JUST KIDDING BITCHES and the GLORY SPREN!!! BY THE THOUSANDS!!! AND HE SMASHED ALL THE REALMS TOGETHER!!! AND HE SAVED ADOLIN KALADIN AND SHALLAN!!!

YOU CANNOT HAVE MY PAIN!!!!!

"I KILLED THOSE CHILDREN. I BURNED THE PEOPLE OF RATHALAS!"

oh my god I have GOOSEBUMPS AGAIN

truly one of the most cathartic reading experiences I've had. The investment of 3000+ pages was worth it for that moment, and I mean that sincerely. It was that good

(Side note when Adolin's sword spren with her clawed out eyes attacked that one Fused I was overcome with emotion. What was her name? Maya? I think? that was a great scene too)

yo. SZETH. Brandon Sanderson you brilliant bastard. You did it. You gave us Szeth. Yes. YES. He's chosen to swear and oath to DALINAR. My man DK just be picking up bitches left and right to do his bidding. Kaladin, Lift, Szeth, Rial, Kmakl.

Lift was amazing. Her parts were so much FUN and the atmosphere shift to her personality was so welcome and uplifting and funny when it happened.

Jasnah's moment with Renarin was beautiful. "You are my cousin. Family, Renarin! Hold my hand. Run with me." SO SO SO SO GOOD Jasnah you are a legend you are THE MOMENT

Venli's Timbre pulsing to Victory as he has the Voidspren of her gemheart at knifepoint lmao (Im so glad she's a Radiant now, can't wait to see if she is developed more)

I feel like I have more thoughts (there was so much lore in his book but I'm not sure I have the energy to dissect it rn) but it's 7:22am and I haven't slept so im sorry if this post was unstable

good night lovelies

*sits up violently* wtf is up with sja-anat bro

ok *passes out*

*sits up again with eye mask on* yo Tangerine is gunna be a fucking problem and wtf Renarin has a corrupted spren right??

*wakes up and crawls on top of table, swaying with exhaustion*

I LOVE DALINAR KHOLIN A LOT OK I HAVE STRUGGLED SINCE MY MOM DIED IN GRASPING THAT DESPITE YOUR PAST YOU CAN CHANGE AND ITS POSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND THE BEAUTY OF LIFE MORE AFTER YOU'VE EXPERIENCED THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE BECAUSE THEY CAN NO LONGER EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU

AND THAT GRIEF ISN'T FATAL BUT SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IT COULD BE BUT IF YOU CAN FIND A WAY TO PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN OF GUILT AND REGRET IT CAN ACTUALLY MORPH YOU INTO A BETTER PERSON IF YOU LET IT

[streetdumpster]

living with ptsd while actively with the people who caused it is so hard bro .I am literally in survival mode every fucking day of my life & my job is killing me. I feel like Im not human. All my energy is being drained because my brain feels like it has to be alert 24/7 and I dont feel anything anymore. my abusers were emotionally and physically neglectful, verbally abusive and on rare occasions physically abusive. I am still with them and it feels like I cant get out and I cant live. Since they were abused they do it right back to me and my siblings. it took me years to even convince myself what im going through/have gone through has been abuse, It never seemed 'that bad' compared to other people. Im writing all of this out because my friends hate hearing about my emotions & my feelings, and I have no one else to go to, as sad as I am to say it. I used to use the vent app but I believe it doesn't exist anymore, or is vastly different. ptsd has made me a bitter, scared, cold person. I wish I could go back to who I used to be, I try to but it feels like im playing pretend. When I look in the mirror I still see that scared little girl, sometimes it shocks me how much time has gone by, I still feel like im there. I still feel like a sad scared child. I want to get better. I have never told anyone this but my then therapist (the only one ive had & she was terrible) I tried to end my life in 2019 and it didnt work, had to lie through my teeth to not become completely inpatient. I want to be a better person, I dont want to be this way anymore, I want to grow and get better, its so hard doing it alone & I cant bare to live most days. I wish I still had some type of support even if it was through a dead terrible app. I dont have anything else anymore. I am so deeply miserable, it feels like I was never meant to be happy, ive been abused since my birth.

[bopos-stuff]

I've always had trouble keeping friends, whether they be online or in real life. All the people I've tried to befriend do is take from me. They take and take and take, all of the benefits of a relationship, just to leave me with nothing.

They use me for entertainment. They have me tell them jokes and talk about my day and my experiences. But when I ask them about themselves, they say barely anything. One word responses, excuses, self-depreciating jokes. No one ever wants to just have an actual back and forth conversation with me. I'm just constantly carrying the whole thing, hoping that maybe if I'm funny enough or if I say the right thing, they'll finally give me a normal friendship dynamic.

At least online friends pretend to care about my problems. My real-life friends would always ignore me when I wanted to talk about serious issues with them. "You're so perfect. You don't know what it's like," Perfect. They always fucking call me that, just because I have my surface level shit together doesn't mean I'm not struggling. But all my childhood that's what they assumed.

I rarely cried as a baby. My mom assumed I was the perfect child, so she left me alone to fend for myself. I mean, all my life, people have just been making these assumptions, for me, instead of asking what I'm really thinking or going through. But maybe I'm wrong. My therapist says I keep making friends with the wrong kind of people.

But how can I mess up so many times? No, it's people's assumptions that I'm thinking caused all my problems, but I'm just fucking assuming that, right? I think the likelihood is high that I am the problem and the reason why all my friendships go to shit. Maybe there's something I do that I'm not noticing is wrong.

Well, whatever the case, I might as well stay alone. That way, if I'm the problem, I won't make other peoples' lives worse. And if they are the problem, I won't have to deal with their emotionally draining bullshit. I'm fine being alone. I've always been fine with it. I just wish I didn't have to feel like a weirdo because of it.

I wanna give a big thanks to my only real friend Hatsune Miku! Seven years strong, and still no sign of abandoning me or treating me like shit. What an icon 👏👏

(she's literally my ride or die like her, and my plushies have been through hell together, but we're here for each other, bro) (I might be literally insane)

[teddybeartoji]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ARII WE ARE MEANT TO BE

a pillow fort with a cat plushie........ ari you're killing me you're so cute

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LITERALLY GOT SOOOOO EXCITED WHEN I SAW YOUR ANSWER HEHEHEHEH I LOVE UQUIZZES SM

solder, poet, king - everything is so prince!gojo and knight!reader i feel like i am truly losing it (in the best possible way) AND OUR ANSWERS TOOOOOOOOO FUCK "the world is something that was put into your hands and that you must deal with - so you will." incredibly prince!gojo coded what the actual fuck i can see the vision very clearly whewwww

(i put my answers here bc maybe u wanna know what they said too hehe)

the soldier - "there will come a soldier who carries a mighty sword he will tear your city down" righteousness. strength. violence. you see a door and break through it. you wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. remember: love is passion too. you made your own rules and will follow them to death. you try and forget that there is only one rule, and that is "FIGHT". you are tired of fighting. you try to forget that, too, and keep going. you dream of quiet. your love is where you heal. god knows you deserve to.

violent - harsh words and cold glares. painful in the way that your heart burns but can never seem to seek for something better. it is the way you would walk through glass to see a smile, or claw at your own arms just to satisfy another, give and never take for the guilt that comes with wanting is suffocating. emotionally draining and a forever ache that you can't escape.

ARI AND MICKEY WITH SOFT AND VIOLENT LOVE ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMM i'm so giddy it's so cool and i feel like that gives such a good insight to our little prince n knight universes too aaaaaaaaaaaaaa "familiar huffs of laughter" vs "you'd walk through glass to see a smile" BRO

and the ones you sent me!!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD I LIKED THEM A LOT (please if u find any more do send me!!!!!!! i wanna do them with u) these were crazy though but just like u, i did resonate with them.... a lot.............. i think it's funny how just before i got the "violent" answer and now this "you're spring flowers" maybe i'm just waiting to bloom, hm? and hello "maybe they'll make great ard about the spectacular way in which you burned" :DDDDDDDDDD why am i getting a soul read please please please let me rest (i'm twinning with my little knight)

JJK GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND YAYYYYY (the knight and princess option in the gf version...................... did they know we were coming orrr?????) heheheheh this were so cute though utahime is so kiss kiss kiss i wanna boop her nose and make her blush and oh? what's this? satoru gojo you say? hm? who would've guessed........ GOJOOOOOOO NATION LET'S GOOOO literally tek it started playing when i was taking it a match made in heaven i think

and as it happens - i do have another one just for you my beloved!!

what form of love do you embody?

"what are we made of but hunger and rage?" like they're actually out to get me ari please i need saving (omfg i love this quiz sm)

OKAY LOOK I'M SORRY I KEPT DOING THE STUPID QUIZZES AND I FOUND ANOTHER REALLY COOL ONE AND I JUST IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU (i'm moving into your inbox i live here now) no but fr i thought it was so cool and their poem lines were so fcking good???????????? woww

i got violent; "it is the way you would walk through glass to see a smile"; "give and never take for the guilt that comes with wanting is suffocating" THIS QUIZMASTER IS COMING FOR ME a bit life-changing quotes though i hope this person is having such a good day omfg

https://uquiz.com/quiz/evn4G3?p=6133991

- @softgirlgonehaywire

NEVER APOLOGIZE MICKEY I LOVE UQUIZZES LIKE I LOVE NOTHING ELSE ON THIS PLANET its literally my love language u know the way to my heart <3333 FEEL FREE TO MOVE IN i will make my inbox cozy just for u. i can leave a pillow fort in the corner. a cat plushie . make urself at home <33

BUT okok ive done the soldier/poet/king quiz before bUT i did it again (and realized how ihtctaot coded it is that kinda stung huh) and!! i got :D

… the king!! hehe. dare i say prince!gojo coded.. u see the vision i know i can trust u. ”you are tired of being steady” ohhhh they are coming for our LIVES mickey………

AND AND ANDDD the other quiz was soso lovely i adored it!! i loovveeee quizzes w lots of pinterest image / song lyric questions they r my favorite ever <33 THIS RESULT WAS SO CUTE TOO WAHH (AND THE WAY WE GOT VIOLENT/SOFT…. the ari/mickey parallels r once again unparalleled)

THAT WAS SO FUN TYSM MICKEYY… if u have any more quizzes at any point PLEASE break in i lovelovelove taking uquizzes ppl send me and also forcing other ppl to take uquizzes i like!!

… so ofc i had to return the favor:

what are you to your friends?

what highly specific emotion are you?

i hunted down two of my fave quizzes <3 hope u enjoy them hehe. i think theyre so fun n wellwritten. these were my results!! (i resonated a lot w them tbh….) i wanna know urs so bad too!!!!!

(AND ALSO just as a side thing. if u r interested here are my top recs for jjk bf and gf quizzes <33 i got shoko and gojo life is good i think the results r soso cute and real)

[candyradium]

is this the third time that Tommy has uaed, or at least tried to use, Techno? You have the entirety of Pogtopia, you have him wanting to call in Techno to fight Dream before he got exiled, and you have him betraying Techno right as Techno considers him a friend.

Four times, if you count the pet war and Tommy's "I have the Blade!!!" moment.

The only thing that Techno has done to hurt Tommy was spawn withers during the revolution, and that was entirely justified. Every single other time, he's done nothing but help Tommy, often at great risk and cost to himself (fighting the pet war, hiding him from Dream, giving him all the armour and weapons and treating him as a friend to be trusted).

Don't get me wrong, I love Tommy. But I am 100000000% on Technoblade's side on this one. He is completely justified in my eyes.

Might wanna think about all that you've done, Tommy.

I hope you don't come to regret it.

[blazingphantom]

(Pre-movie) Wendell and Wild headcanons Sister Helley mum au part 2

Sister Helley - Well, raising kids wasn't an easy job. But raising demon kids? Was even harder - Helley barely got any sleep for the first 4 weeks from her sons continuous crying (but she still loved them so) - She had to mostly keep the demon brothers at home, due to them not being able to shift into human guises since they were still so young

- Helley was working extra hard with her other job (which as at a restaurant) and even took up cooking lessons. Whilst Wendell and Wild clung to her legs and back - Once Wendell was 4 years old, Helley introduced to him different genres of music. And of course, he liked the musicals!

- Once walked into BB having a tea party with his young sons - After a few months. Once they could successfully hold their human guises. She introduced them to her parents - Despite being a nun, Helley still held onto her Punk side - One time she zoomed around the town on Hellfire whilst still wearing her uniform. (Needles too say she humored a lot of older teenagers, who cheered her on)

- In time she was able to control her supernatural gift - And soon became well known due to her 'destroying' demons - She wasn't exactly proud of her title, but begrudgingly accepted it - Had to buy a king-sized bed, due to Belzer taking up most of the room. Somehow always ended up either on top of Belzer, or on the floor when it became morning

- Cried with joy when her sons spoke their first word, and hurriedly called for Belzer - When she and Belzer were 'younger' they enjoyed scaring kids during Halloween (Because Belzer could be his true self, and nobody would panic)

- First time she went down into the Underworld; she was utterly blown away - Mostly due to the fact Scream Fair was so cool - And because she saw how tall Belzer actually was "Holy fuck! You didn't tell me you were 300ft tall!" "I did say I was massive!" - Was surprised at first to know Belzer ate souls - But wasn't really that unnerved because of it

- When Helley taught her first class, she was very nervous. But her confidence gradually lifted once she got the hang of it - Playfully punches the air behind Belzer when he's distracted - Had a very bad argument with her parents. About her choice of husband, ect. Returned home very emotionally and mentally drained - Belzer laid with her on the couch, stroking her hair, consoling her for about an hour until she was ready to talk about it - She and Belzer like to dance when a good punk or 80s/90's pop song comes on

Buffalo Belzer - Had no clue how to interact or raise babies, but tried his best and eventually learnt how - One time during a Halloween party, was followed by Helley's young gremlin relatives, in which they rudely commented about his body "You have a big belly! Do you eat a lot?" "Yes, I do. I actually love to eat annoying children such as yourselves!"

- He grinned rather sadistically as they ran off screaming for their lives. (Hey now, he's a demon) - Walked around the local supermarket with young Wendell and Wild who were clinging onto him like baby possums - During his time alone in Helley's house he proudly sang his heart out to some Elvis songs - He actually has a really velvety, soulful voice - Helley walked in and listened for a while, before applauding - Belzer had never been more mortified

- Belzer doesn't really have a favorite food, he'd eat anything. Once chugged a whole bottle of mayonnaise much to Helley's horror (Wild takes this trait on later) - Well, he did consume 5 a five layered cake one time. But we won't talk about that - When he and Helley put Wendell and Wild to sleep without any tantrums. They did a silent cheer and a little dance - Belzer during his first weeks with the bros as newborns, would pretend he was asleep so he could avoid changing nappies - Mostly it ended in disaster as Helley always threw her slipper directly at his head "Get the hell up Belzer! I know you ain't asleep!" "Yes, I am!

- Almost burnt down the house damn house, trying to cook something for Helley and their sons - Helley reassures him saying it was a nice thought - Freaked the hell out when he heard Wild's crying from outside, it was the fastest he'd ever ran in eons - Only to find out he was perfectly fine, and he was just acting. (The two siblings were doing some sort of play) - Screamed hilariously high-pitched when Helley pranked him by scaring him with a human doll - Helley loves to tease him about that day, finding it so comical how a deep-voiced guy can scream like that

- Was very distraught to find he was starting to become bald, thinking he was becoming ugly. Helley, being the sweetheart, she was. Sat down with him and comforted him till he felt calmer - Playfights with his sons, and pretends to be injured to help boost Wendell and Wild's confidence - One time, he did in fact get sick from consuming expired food. Helley felt at fault for not getting rid of it, but Belzer just shrugs it off as him being a dumbass. - Helley remained by his side, refusing to leave, until he felt better - The first time at a water park. Was very interesting yet very enjoyable - Belzer enjoyed the wave pool machine and just laid there like a starfish on his back, Wendell and Wild chilling on his belly, whilst Helley was struggling with the waves - He and Helley screamed bloody murder whilst on one of the steepest waterslides, only to be completely unfazed once they reached the end - Had a great time teaching his sons how to swim - Looked very similar to an otter with her baby, as the two young demon bros dozily rested along Belzer's front

[seraphsfire]

PICARD SPOILERS im so mad

i fucking knEWWWW IT i knew they were going to kill off elnor just to have to Raise The Stakes. cool move picard killing off the only Indigenous actor to portray a main Romulan/ Vulcan character. hahahahahha

i guess time will tell if they bring him back but i am. Not interested anymore until they do lol.

one thing i hate about both disco and picard is the over-reliance on tropes that are obviously just made to make you Feel Shitty and Sad For The Characters. is elnor's death gonna affect the plot? probably not. Is it going to have long-lasting emotional consequences? nope. we'll be lucky if they mention him again next episode except to maybe be like 'poor elnor oh no the Kid died :((( that makes this plot line Personal.' I guess he might be resurrected at the end of the season when Q puts everything back to normal, but it's still shitty, because he got so little screen time. I'm just bummed that it seems like non human characters in the new treks are just kind of there to say This Is Outer Space without being really given any time to have Emotions. They're there to make the posters look cool and then they have nothing to do with the rest of the story. Same thing happened with Hugh, they just killed him off to give Picard manpain, using the same trope of son-stand in getting killed so picard is sad TWICE within two seasons seems so lazy. Elnor hugged a few people and was super cute and got maybe four scenes and one episode sort of focused on him and that was it. I think Saru is the only non human character they're really given a character arc, and it's kind of annoying that disco and picard just have an entire cast of humans and the token alien. It's outer space bro and then it's like oh btw there are aliens i guess. Now let's make a whole series about this person's drinking problem.

Anyway im tired. I just wish disco and picard didn't leave me emotionally drained and frustrated. Im just sad disco and picard just aren't Fun. I couldn't even watch the third season of discovery because it was like the Whole Universe Is At Stake Again.

idk maybe strange new worlds will be fun. i get to see Uhura And Spock my beloveds. and at least i know they can't kill off spock for very long lol, since he already died.

[semischarmed]

Chrysalis, Part 3

This was the day. The tremors have only intensified. I feel myself tearing at the arm that I had fully bonded with Kyle. If I don’t act soon that’s all that’s gonna be left of me in him. So I decided it had to be today. I’ve been shivering all over too, probably in fear or anticipation? Probably both.

By no means was Red ready. He had a natural fighting streak so it wasn’t gonna be a smooth process. As prepared as I was, the odds were stacked against me. This body’s connection with me has degraded significantly faster than I had anticipated. Had I gone with anyone else, I’d be permanently one with Kyle by now, but of course it had to start with Red. No use crying over spilled milk. Taking Red would be the struggle of a lifetime. Had it just been me in my old body, I would have given up outright. But I was Kyle now, and Kyle does Not. Give. Up.

———

I fight a long, close game in the early afternoon and we barely eke out a win- mostly thanks to me, despite my current condition. I hug my teammates as our sweat and smells coalesce in the blazing sun. We bake uncomfortably long in the heat. They really were great teammates. Kyle basically did a 180 in their eyes, being far more comfortable, far more sociable, far more filthy- yet they accept me regardless. I breath them in, remarking on them and myself for possibly the last time, before making my way back to my dorm. 

I stop halfway as I am instantly crippled in a massive tremor that forces me to the ground. I retch. This was too tenuous, too delicate. There would be no time for any detours. I immediately run for Sig Chi.

———

Red wakes in a cold sweat in his bed, in the filtered light of the moon, to the image of his naked little bro- to the image of me jacking off to him. Of course he had to also be a light sleeper.  

“Heyyy Big Bro” I whisper menacingly, licking my lips. Fuck. Ok, ok, gotta improvise.

“Kyle? Kyle! What the fuck?! How did you get here? And, oh fuck... Jeeezus, is that you? Dude you fucking reek” I could tell he was trying to categorize the smell, but I quickly correct him. 

“That’s right I fucking reek, this cute little meat-suit had a game today. This is what my team smells like, this is what a man smells like,” I rush up to the naked Red, who instinctively recoils and pulls his sheets up. I lean in to my speechless big bro, sticking my face close to his, bringing our foreheads together. Despite his overall friendliness, he was a dangerous one. I’ve never met so much resistance in a person. I could show him no weakness.

I grab his head with my hands, pointing it downward to our bare chests, so we can both smell our combined odor. “This is what we’ll smell like”.

Red attempts to defuse the situation. “Ok, ok dude, great prank” he laughs, obviously disturbed. “But I- “ Before he can continue, I smear a bit of precum over his lips. ”I can’t wait to make you mine... big bro” I moan. I cup his sweaty left pec with my hand, giving a slight squeeze. His nipples, rock hard. “Kyle, get the fuck off me! The fuck is this?!” He pushes me off his bed with a force I did not expect. Still, my Big Bro Red- being the nice guy he was- made sure to only push me safely into a pile of old clothes. With the parts of me that were already inside him, I restrict any further movement. He breaks free from my grasp in small blips of resistance.

Red struggles in vain to leave his bed and I focus my hold on his body further. “You know, I was wondering how much cum it would take for your body to start accepting mine...” I trail. “Kyle, what the fuck are you talking about... what is this?!” He again struggles to move against his invisible restraints. I grab his water bottle and lift it up near him, giving it a little shake, motioning to it with my head. “Cmon, there’s no way you haven’t noticed... How’d you like the exclusive taste of me?” He shakes his head, utterly revolted, horrified, while a tent begins to form in his bedsheets. He looks down stating “no, no, that.... that’s not me... Kyle, this is...” I smile, amused, at the situation. Half-truth. For one he was wrong, that body of his was most definitely turned on. But I concede, if anything, that it was probably the result of his constant exposure to my seed moreso than his actual feelings for his little bro in the frat. Though his body had not been fully primed to accept me, I decide to continue layering on the mental damage, to better ease me in for the upcoming fight.

Since Red had so rudely interrupted my little session, I decide to continue where I left off, pumping my meat in front of him as I tear off his bedsheets.

“Oh Red, oh god Red! My roommate... he-he snuck inside me and ah fuck he took me... he stole me... poisoned my insides with himself... twisted me- look at me when I’m fucking talking Red- Look at how I wear his cute smile. Look how his body, his muscles, his feelings bend to my will. I make a great Kyle don’t I? Look how good I am at playing with my dick. Well I am Kyle, so of course I’m a great fucking Kyle.” Before I finish, I slip just my hand inside his- its veins flare up at my intrusion but I maintain the control of our now-shared appendage, bringing it up so we can examine it together. I wink at him before I seductively suck each of our fingers while I push my arm into his further. He watches in shock as he feels every motion. “But, you know Red, you know my roommate? That asshole is pretty greedy, asked me who else he’d look great in... and I told him I thought he’d make a great Red. I told him we’d be great at wearing your skin.” With our joint hand, I continue to pump my hard on, reveling in Red’s confusion and disgust in the process. I grab his dick, bringing it next to mine and letting him pleasure us both at the same time with his rough hand. He sweats as he continues to control his emotion, attempting to remain stoic. On the other hand, I am reduced to moans and whimpers- a sight that probably looks incredibly off coming from Kyle. His lip trembles and he lets out a soft grunt and a massive wave of pleasure hits us both. We begin to feel the sensations from each other’s dick in the process. Our breaths are shallow, and I look into my future eyes. 

“I-I’m a special case though. This?” I gesture to my own body with my free hand, as I explode, splashing a little on Red’s lips and lot on myself. Red explodes soon after and he stifles a moan. I now drag our shared hand all over my body, smearing and mixing our cum together over my stolen abs and his. “Kyle is fully mine. Forever. And you’re gonna make sure we stay that way.”

I raise Red’s now-slick, now-possessed hand again for him to examine. Veins rise as it struggles to resist my control, but I double down, giving a mean smirk and balling our shared hand into a fist. “If was just possessing him, we wouldn’t be able to then possess your hand. This? This is proof that he and I are one.” I follow by using that hand to squeeze my dick and Red’s together, until they coalesce into just his. Red is in shock at the events that have just unfolded, and I intend to use that situation to my full advantage. “No hard feelings big bro, you’re cute and all but I’m his forever home”. I lace my knees beneath his and smash my lower half into him. I feel his body clench and cringe until it is forced to accept mine. “Still, thank you for being there for me. When I realized we needed a new chrysalis to complete me... I knew it could only be through my Big Bro Red. I knew I could depend on your hot bod.” Our legs are one.

In one swift motion, I also slam my sticky wet chest into his, causing him to yelp in disgust and horror. I take the dribbling of my cum on his chin and, using our combined hand, I shove my seed into his mouth. I keep our fingers jammed into his mouth, making sure he gets a good taste of some fresh Kyle cum and his own beefy fingers. “Eat that shit up. I want that taste still in my mouth when I’m inside you” I moan. I snake my free arm into his other bicep. It shivers, glistening in the moonlight, covered in perspiration. Vibrating, his arm yields control to its new master- to me. These arms belong to Kyle now. “God we’re so close babe,” I moan. By now, only the upper edge of my chest and head are sticking out of his. I test out the new arms I have in my possession. They’re far larger than Kyle’s so I decide to stop here for a bit and revel in maneuvering my new sweaty biceps. I make Red flex for them me, and in straining movements, he is forced to show me what they can do. I moan, as my free head falls on his shoulder, drained from the process. 

“Honestly, I only settled on your ass cause you’re the next Pledgemaster. I knew you’d be perfect for slipping on some of next year’s pledges, perfect for making great fucking puppets out of this frat.” I mumble to his shoulder before looking back up at him. “But now? After getting to know you a little more? I think want something a little more. I want a taste of that ginger dick. I want a taste of that best friend of yours. Jeremy- he’s fucking hot- I bet he’s delicious, but I bet he’d be even fucking hotter and taste even fucking better from his best friend’s mouth. And when I’m inside him, wearing him as my new puppet, I want it to be because you stuffed me in there.” Emotionally, I think I have him defeated. His body more freely yields to me and my becoming Kyle is almost finally complete.

I intend to continue spouting weird shit to spook him but the part of me still outside of Red slips in a wave of cosmic shock, partially removed from Kyle. I shake violently in pain. Shit. Before I can recover, Red picks up on it and begins to fight me with his body all over. He flares to life and I feel his all out attack on me. “Kyle, Kyle, you gotta fight this. Cmon man, fight your roommate!” I feel my grasp over him slipping. 

“Fuck off” I growl, losing my composure. “He likes us this way. Wants us as one permanently-forever-together because I am Kyle. You wouldn’t understand. Here, have a taste of your little’s hot mouth.” I lean up and kiss him unexpectedly, digging my tongue into his mouth, merging my lips with his. 

He tries to scream, only to be stifled to a  “mmphhph”. I glide my tongue over his, wrestling it into submission before jamming it inside of his. I stifle a moan as our tongues become one. I slam my face ever closer to him, until we both breath and speak from the same mouth, until at last we can only see each other’s eyes. I give him a quick wink before finishing my possession and locking myself inside my human chrysalis.

Red’s body continues to light with tremors as the fight inside drags on. I make sure to cum a little more inside him, to layer more of myself and cement him forever mine. His eyes roll to the back of his head and his mouth opens unwarranted as he settles the last of his hold over his body to fight me. Goddamn he is tenacious. After what feels like hours, his body finally yields to me. He shakes viciously as the universe begins its correction. Red collapses onto the ground. In Red’s core I feel the last of Kyle’s essence integrate into my own. I feel the permanence of our connection. Nothing would ever take me out of Kyle again. I was Kyle- past, present and future. Natural order had been restored. Inside Red I felt safe, secure, complete.

I feel Red’s sweet release. He’s at peace, at bliss, since I can finally connect to his deepest parts, rearranging him into my perfect vessel. He would be mine forever. Then, I feel the fight from his mind. He grasps his body again, reiterating, begging for “Kyle” to break free from my control.

“I am here” I stated as Red, but only Kyle’s voice comes out. I break out of my shell. My naked form expels itself from Red, covered our juices, covered in my aura of forever. I close my eyes, breathing in the dank night air in Red’s room. He’s right, I fucking reek, but it felt good to smell it as a permanent Kyle. It felt good to stand with my permanently athletic legs. It felt good to use that word. Permanent.

Of course, I also left a lot of my seed in Red. Rearranged his insides so they’d better fit me. I watch expectantly at the soon-to-be reborn Red. Control over his body lights up in my mind. Red was mine. 

I examine him as Kyle, playfully humming in his voice softly while I circle -around him, lightly tracing the outlines of his muscles- of my new acquisition. I will him to give me another gun-show. His body complies. Fuck. Yes. My Big Bro’s hot ginger ass was truly mine to control. “Cmon babe, you have to admit...” I trail as Kyle. “I wear you well”. As Red, my faces dances in ecstatic joy before giving myself a wink.

Red’s body giggles as I assert more control of his frame and do some small seductive dances in front of my main body. “Yeah... all me” I moan as Red- though only Kyle’s voice comes out of him. Something else was still missing. “But I think this needs a little more.” I say out loud. I worship my new self with the two new bodies I control. In the midst of my little play session, I feel Red’s mind stir within me. There it was.

I feel him inside me, digging through my mind to look for his friend, to pull Kyle out of my grasp. I feel him desperately claw his way around and decide to humor him, giving him full access to me. In increasing anguish, he pulls to my corners, digs through the depths of my mind trying to find a separate Kyle to rescue him from his roommate’s clutches. Instead, he finds no separation, no distinction between my old self and Kyle’s. When he digs, looking for Kyles memories, he instead finds them interlaced with my own. In the physical world, Red’s face paints itself with a deranged smile. I surround Red’s Psyche “Told you he was special... he’s mine forever... don’t worry though, big bro. You didn’t lose Kyle. I’m right here. You won’t be alone. I’ll be right here, inside you too”. I briefly lose control of Red’s body as I continue with my all out assault on his mind. Red’s face cringes in pain as I bombard his sense of self, embedding me inside his psyche, corrupting my Big Bro with my perversions. He briefly laughs sadistically, yielding to his newfound gifts, yielding to the pieces of me I put inside him. He moans, wrapping more of my psyche into himself “fuck yeah, babe. Keep going, I’m a good Big Bro... I can take it” before shaking his head in anger “fuck you Kyle!” The switch inside Red flips back and he resumes into moans and filthy whispers about me wearing his skin. He again snaps back and punches the nearby wall. “FUCK!” he shouts. God he was strong. I already had his body, I already had his mind, I already had Red by all accounts, yet through pure resolve alone he resists me. God I couldn’t wait to have that will of steel as my own. In any case, It looks like his body’s inclinations just needs a final little push. 

I assert my new dominance over Red’s body, slapping my Kyle-self in the face, before finally speaking with Red’s voice, using it for the first time. Just controlling his voice was invigorating. “You sick fuck, Kyle. Look what you did to me, what you did in me. Toppled your Big Bro Red, conquered me, just like that. Wore my ass like suit and then left your squirmy little pieces inside” I lace his words with sex. Coming out of Red, out of my Big Bro, it feels almost blasphemous. Fuck yeah, Red feels great to be in. This body is amazing. I received the slap in Kyle with a moan. “Fuck yeah, big bro, it feels good doesn’t it? You like being my little puppet, don’t you? You want me in there, wearing you like a glove...” As Red I twirl my new fiery locks with my new, thicker fingers, “Yeah little bro... but I think we need an extra little punishment for you, for being such a fucking creep.” I make Red pout, sucking on his index finger while he continues “ How about your weird roommate jumps inside you and sews himself into your insides. How about he go even further and actually become your insides. How about he actually becomes you... How about your hot Big Bro make it permanent” I cackle maniacally as Red while Kyle’s face shifts into the dirty sneer I make us wear.

I parse Red’s mind for his reaction. It was from this point that he realizes just how far I went with Kyle. How much I became him. He relents at the matter, equally angry and aroused, finally understanding that Kyle was the one that took possession of him. Kyle created the plans to corrupt the frat. Kyle was the one did these heinous deeds because there was no difference between Kyle and his creepy roommate. Because I was Kyle. 

Red wrestles back control of his body. “Fuck you Kyle, I’ll make you fucking pay for this. When I break free I’m gonna-” I cut him off as I sneer with Kyle’s face, making Red’s do the same as I continue his sentence in moans “-come crawling back because I’m your bitch forever.” I laugh heartily in his voice. Time for that little push. 

In the heat of moment, I let him feel the sheer thrill of having both bodies under control, the sheer thrill of being me, before granting him control over his own body while I resonate within his psyche over the sheer ecstasy. He moans loudly “Fuck yeah... good boy... be a good Little, while dear Red here shows you how it’s done...” He rushes behind my main body, dragging his muscular arms in front of my chest feeling me up. We feel both sensations. Indescribable bliss. He leans in to my ear “we have unfinished business, bitch. It’s all your fault I’m like this... these-these... feelings...” he moans. “This is unnatural... and your punishment... your puppet wants a more” he licks my ear, probing his thick slimy tongue all over while his vascular hands tousle my sweaty hair. “C’mon Kyle. You know this body was built for fucking. Let me teach you how to use it right. Put on my skin- put this brain on. Wear me. Wear your big bro’s stud bod. Put your dick inside of mine. Haven’t-“  he trails off, grabbing his head in anguish “damn it... Kyle, why... why I am I like this...I’m a monster...  What did you do to me?!” Tears well in Red’s eyes, before he catches a whiff of my scent. He goes into a toothy grin as anguish flips to a lustful frenzy. He grabs my rod in his vascular hands, and begins pumping it. He moans as we are both hit with the feeling. “Actually, no... this is good. This feels right. This is correct. I’m not a monster, I’m a fucking god. Kyle you have a decent dick... but haven’t you wondered what bigger was like? I’m bigger. Look at this thick cock. Your big bro’s got you. Come back inside, where it’s safe...” Red slams his sweaty body onto my back, dragging me inside, encasing me in his muscular flesh. He locks his arms under my own, preventing my escape, and I play along, writhing in his grasp as he draws me back, deeper and deeper into him. “I want you squirming inside me when we fuck Jeremy. When we fuck the rest of the frat... I want-I need you to do it with this dick... contaminate them. Inject them with it. Give em a little taste of Red and Kyle.” Inside Red, I sheath his dick over my own, but continue letting him take the lead. “Fuck yeah.. that’s the stuff..” He moans. “FUCK YEAH” he roars, “trying” to push me out of him. I resist, as much as I can anyway, until I can no longer maintain it and am suddenly pushed out of him. ”Not yet, bitch” he murmurs, before his flesh greedily devours mine again, moaning all the while. We repeat this a few times, edging him closer and closer. 

I am paralyzed in bliss at the sensations, but Red maintains a better grasp of his emotions. He walks his inflamed, Kyle-filled self over to the pile of dirty, soccer-drenched clothes on the floor that I had I worn prior to getting into his room. He brings them up to his nose, inhaling deeply. “More...” he whispers... “I need more of you”. He puts them on, huffing in short, frenzied breaths, starting with the dirty  compression shorts I had worn for my game. They are stretched impossibly tight on his ass, and he moans when the waistband snaps back at our shared dick. We proceed with the soccer shirt, thick biceps ripping the sleeves and turning it into a tank. The remains of my dirty shirt cling onto Red’s torso like a second skin, imprinting the delicate curve of each ab, each bicep, and each nipple on to its straining fabric.“Thank you... for the Kyle Sandwich” he whimpers in a trance as his eyes roll to the back of his head and we collapse onto the floor. We smell like my team after a long game. We smell like the forest. Equal parts putrid and petrichor. We smell like ecstasy. His eyelids flutter. “Good little bro”. 

Then, tranquility is broken when he pushes me out. “grrrAHHH FUCk YOU KYLE” he half-shouts, half -moans. I am speechless. My form is again forcibly removed from his- I feel my visage imprint over his own, stretching his taught skin as it wraps over mine. I can see the light of day with my own eyes, and feel my cheeks stretched and melded to his freckled skin. Just a bit more. From behind me, where the back of my head should be, I feel Red’s smile and moan, as he feels my weight above him. He takes his thick arms rubbing them all over me, making sure I was stimulated the entire time I was being pushed out of him. “You got the right idea Kyle- no more deodorant for your big bro Red... we smell fucking better like this” I feel him stir, getting ready to pounce-no doubt to drag me back in. Before I can even say anything, I quickly realize the limits of my depossession. The process of pushing me out of him has slowed to a crawl. As my body continues to be expelled, to be raised out of Red, I am met with my own impossibly tight shirt and underwear, drenched in our sweat and restricting my freedom. The further my body leaves, the tighter we are pulled together by the fabric. We both moan this time. “Fuck Kyle! Get out! Get the fuck out of me!” he play-screams half convincingly, as he does a crunch with me above him. I feel the crunch from behind and he forcibly worms my own form back inside him. I pass out at the sensory overload. 

When I awake, I awake in Red. I walk to the mirror and see his face as my own. In split second intervals, my Kyle-self stretches out his skin and attempts to leave before it is pulled back. We are tight. Nauseatingly full-impossibly so. By all accounts, Kyle’s body should have been expelled from Red after being inside this long-possession doesn’t usually last this long, but my little fighter, my Big Bro Red will not let me go. We are held together by my own clothing and his sheer will. Partners. Amalgamate. Corrupt. I quickly take control and feel his voice in the back of my mind, screaming at me to get out- again, only half-convincingly. For all his perfection, Red really needed some acting lessons. I begin to feel the effects of being stuck in his body for so long, as a lightness and a numbness washes over me. Yet in that same vein I feel indescribably close to him, with a hyper-awareness of Red’s body. This can’t last too long, I assume, as both of us have long since hit our limit. I throw up involuntarily on the floor- it’s all just cum. 

Instead of stopping, the previous process repeats again. Our little possession dance happens again and again and again after that until we are utterly drained. We live as one Red, constantly in turmoil in the inside and perpetually in heat. Finally, a full three days later, we are both satisfied. I finally truly break from him as a lone Kyle. For one, I fucking smell, but also I am still a student. This whole experience had been immensely tiring. Still, I felt a sense of peace, in knowledge that new-Red would never leave me. 

———

Though I initially wanted to fully take and possess Red, to use his body as a mindless puppet for my own, I kind of like our current setup. I moved into his room the very next day after our little break, much to the annoyance to the rest of Sig Chi. Red moans all the time when I possess him- he’s not particularly quiet about it either, and he begs for it every other day, before berating me when I actually follow through. Our “incestuous” nature is pretty clear to the rest of my frat brothers but they awkwardly avoid the subject. Jeremy is the only one that’s visibly pissed- guess we’re breaking every law in frat code or something. Whatever. If anything, they’ll all be seeing the light someday soon- and we have something extra special planned for Jeremy anyway. 

I like to keep Big Bro Red in a pendulum state, between full autonomy and full possession. Even now, he constantly ‘fights’, attempting to push me out of him in vain and then dragging my ass back inside. To be honest, I find this whole setup kind of hot. I sure he does too. We’re always wrestling for control inside him, even though we both knew he was mine forever. I’ve extended the offer a few times to just jump into someone else in the frat or even leave forever but he always throws a big fit about it. Maybe he liked by puppetted by his little bro. Maybe he liked the fight. Maybe one day, I’ll actually fully take him. Of course, for now his red hot body runs a little warmer these days from our constant little dance. For now, I’ve been just been having fun, jumping in and out of him, swimming through his insides. We’ve been meaning to share too, naturally. There are some others on my mind- Red’s best friend, the Sig Chi president Jeremy- who we both agree that hot, dominant ass would make a for lovely little body to wear. Before Red, I was fine as just one person. I am forever grateful that he was my chrysalis, that he first full possession as Kyle. Because he helped me realize a king needs subjects. One day, I’ll take them all- every last hot piece of ass in this school. But for now, I’m content with occasionally just controlling and wearing Red, just wearing my proof of authenticity as Kyle.

—End Part 3—

Phew. Next story’s probably gonna be a bit lighter.

[hangovercurse]

Come and Go

Part iii of the Without You series: Colson struggles to explain himself, only pushing Y/N further away.

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, angst, Colson being really bad at communicating

Word Count: 1500

| i | ii | iv | v | vi |

masterlist

“Colson?”

You were shocked at first, then upset, and then you were angry. “You can’t just fucking break into my house.” You yelled at him, placing your laptop on the coffee table.

He held his hands up in surrender, “I knew you wouldn’t let me in if I knocked and I have a key so technically it’s not really breaking in.”

“Get out!” You yelled, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you stand up.

“Okay, look. I know you’re upset-“

“Upset? Colson do you remember what you did? What you said to me? And now you show up at my goddamn house what, 2 weeks later? I’m not upset you fucking moron, I’m fucking pissed off right now.”

“I know I fucked up, okay? I’ve gotten enough of a lecture from the guys.” He said, looking more annoyed than apologetic.

You rolled your eyes, sitting back down. “Yeah you seem like you really feel bad Cols.” You said sarcastically.

“What do you mean? I am sorry, Y/N. Sorry I’m not down on one knee or some shit. What did you expect, really?”

You fought hard to keep tears from reaching your eyes. “I didn’t expect anything, honestly. But if you’re gonna come here and waste my time you could at least act sincere about it. You’re acting like this is a joke or some shit. I mean why are you really here?”

Colson walked backwards towards the door, “honestly I’m just here to get the boys off my back. Now I can tell them I tried to apologize and you turned me down and we don’t ever have to talk again, sound good?”

You thought that the next time you saw him you would be begging him to take you back, but now your blood was boiling. “What the fuck is your problem?”

“Remember, you mean nothing to me. I don’t give a shit if you actually forgive me or not. In fact I’d rather you not, because then you’ll stay as far away from me as fuckin possible.” His voice was harsh, like he was cutting you with a poisoned blade.

You could only sit and let his words hit you, willing yourself not to break down until he left. You spoke quietly, because that was all you could bare to do. “Get out.”

And he did.

 Another week passed, and you seemed to have regressed back into the broken girl. You couldn’t seem to get his words out of your head.

And you felt stupid because you had other friends. You had great friends. But almost all of them were friends you made through Colson and you didn’t want to make them choose. So you chose for them.

Pete still texted you daily, but you’d resorted to giving him short answers or just not answering all together. You hadn’t told him about Colson coming over or what he said, he was already caught in the middle enough as it was.

The one person you told was Rook, only because he told you if you didn’t tell him about it then he would show up at your house and not leave until you told him. And you’d rather just type it all out than have to speak to another person. You just felt so emotionally drained, having an actual conversation with someone just seemed like too much effort.

But, despite telling you he would not come to your house because you told him, he ended up on your doorstep with a very angry Colson.

He rang the doorbell, scaring you slightly. Why was someone at your door at 11 pm?

Against your better judgement, you answered, finding the two boys on your porch.

You raised your eyebrow at Rook, waiting for him to explain himself. “Can we come in?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“You can come in. Not him.” You motioned to Colson without looking at him. You had yet to meet his eyes, but his were shooting holes through you.

“Y/N. We’re coming in. I’m tired of this shit. We’re not leaving until you two figure this out.” Rook was very obviously annoyed, and despite your body in the doorway, he moved into your house. Colson stayed at the door, still looking at you.

You turned away from him, letting him inside, “whatever.” You mumbled. Rook had made himself comfortable in your kitchen, grabbing a beer from your fridge and chips from your cupboard.

You walked into the living room, taking a seat on one of your couches awkwardly. Why the hell were you feeling awkward in your own house?

Colson sat on the other couch, his eyes still following you as you looked everywhere except him. Rook called from the other room, “I don’t hear you guys figuring your shit out!”

“Goddamn man what the fuck do you want us to say? This is fucking bullshit.” Colson called back, standing up from the couch and turning to the door.

Rook blocked his path, venom in his voice. “Sit down. You’re not fucking leaving.” His voice got quieter and you almost missed his next words. “Fucking fix this.”

Colson let out a sigh, “fine, but can you at least give us some space man?”

Rook studied Colson for a moment. “Fine. But if you hurt her again I’ll kill you, bro.” He opened the front door, giving you a small smile and a wink before closing it behind him.

Colson turned back towards you, studying you, trying to figure out where he stood with you. You were looking down at your hands, picking your nails to avoid looking at Colson’s blue eyes.

“You don’t have to do anything, Colson. I’ll just tell Rook you tried to apologize for real this time and I shut you down. I just want all this shit to be done with. I’m over it.”

You didn’t know it, but Colson’s heart sank further into his stomach. You sounded so defeated, so broken. It was exactly what he intended to do, and he knew it would hurt him too, but he wasn’t sure he could see you like this anymore.

He slowly made his way back towards you, taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch you sat on. “I think it’s time I was honest with you,” he paused, “and with myself.”

“No offense Colson but I think I’ve had enough honesty from you to last a lifetime.” You muttered, still looking at your lap.

“Can you just hear me out? Please?” You didn’t answer, so he took his cue to continue. “I’m scared, Y/N. I’m fucking terrified.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “If you’re that scared of living without Megan then just go beg for her back.”

He took a deep breath, “That’s not what I’m scared of.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, turning your head towards him but still avoiding his eyes.

“I’m scared of.” He paused, trying to find the words, “I’m scared of falling in love.”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “Jesus Colson. That’s a shitty fucking-“

“Just let me finish, please.”

“Whatever.” You mumbled, realizing this conversation wasn’t going to actually fix anything.

Colson took another deep breath. “I’m scared of falling in love because every time I do, the person I love gets hurt. I’m not good for anyone. I- I fuck people up.”

You were still pretty confused but you put some dots together. “So, what, you were upset that you hurt Megan and you blamed it on me? Right. Cool. Great talk.” You rolled your eyes, waiting for him to get up and leave.

“Can you fucking listen to me, please?” He turned towards you. “I wasn’t in love with Megan, that was the whole problem.”

You finally found the courage to look at him. His blue eyes pierced yours as you studied his face. The sunken bags under his eyes, the unshaven stubble adorning his jaw, the unkempt hair.

“I’m in love with you. And I think I always have been.”

His words came out as a whisper. You felt tears surface and it took everything inside of you not to let them fall.

“You’re an asshole.” You stood up, walking towards the bedroom.

He followed you, “what do you mean?”

You turned back to face him, standing in your doorframe. “Yeah, Colson, this is all really funny to you, I’m sure. Is this your way of humiliating me even more? You make me feel like shit and then you try to convince me you love me? And then I fall for it and you-“

You were cut off as Colson’s lips met yours, his hands on either side of your face. At first you reacted, kissing him back before coming to your senses. You pushed him off of you and he stumbled back.

The tears in your eyes began to fall and you felt utterly ridiculous. “Fuck you. Get out of my house. Don’t ever fucking talk to me again.” You said, closing your bedroom door in his face.

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 4 RECAP

i’ve had a very emotionally draining day even before playing this so we’ll see what awaits me beyond the start screen this time HAHA

as always, spoilers for both games and the hbo series below!! (this one is L O N G)

i want to play today but i’m also going through it so we’ll see how this plays out lmao

hours played: 8 or 9 hours?? somewhere around there idk when i started

KICKIN IT OFF:

so i’m kinda scared bc joel and ellie are in the same clothes that they’re in during the winter section which i’ve seen some clips of. which means hurt/sick joel soon? and uhhh DAVID. so yknow. kinda nervous about that.

excited to see nolan and troy in another project together tho. a dynamic duo in the gaming industry truly.

omg this section is called go big horns. CUTE

i don’t remember what i did last haha but i’m in a dorm hall? we’ll see what happens

OH i’m supposed to get a gate open. slay

i love when joel gets on the horse he says “scoot.” LIKE HE DID W SARAH ON THE COUCH🥲😭

god i wish fall would fucking GET HERE

sorry the jacket on joel looks so cozy

i’m so on edge rn it’s too quiet

uh ooohhhh muthafuckin spores

i knew it was too quiet i’m so scared bro

if there’s a bloater here i will exit the game LMAO

okay in this one room there’s a melee weapon, a bomb, and arrows. not liking the looks of this so far

do i really have to drop down tho?? do i??

FUCKIN HELL I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL

i’m gonna try to coax my dog to sit in here w me HAHAHA

okay well they’re both not having it

ANYWAY

I FUCKING HEAR A BLOATER UR JOKING

i threw a bottle down the hall and was SPAMMING square to open this door holy fuck

that was so close i was literally like “pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease” holy fuck dude

i feel like every infected known to man is gonna seep through the walls of this campus when i turn this generator on

i was wondering if joel went to college

him being more open w ellie🥺

“ok.” “too much?” “too much.” i’m gonna fucking cry again. i love seeing the more sensitive side of joel, because he clearly is quite sensitive. he doesn’t like bringing up sarah that often, he doesn’t want to talk about what happened with his wife. he’s clearly still affected by these things. he’s just had to shove those feelings down and become hardened by the apocalypse. he still cares under his grizzled and weathered surface.🥺

i also love the development of how ellie respects his boundaries and doesn’t push too much further into his past after the ranch house conversation. after he says it’s too much, she doesn’t say anything else. GOD the writing is so so good

OMG WAIT i forgot to mention the duct tape on joel’s boots like forever ago. i like that they added that detail in the show too :)

if anything happens to callus while i’m in here, i will simply cry

“c’mon kiddo, give me your hand” 🥺

dude bros i’m so scared for when joel is gonna get hurt bc i most definitely remember it being near brick buildings? and all of these buildings fall into that category? and joel is in the same clothes? i am uhh how you say…SCARED

max health let’s gooooooo

so whoever is here has definitely been watching us. they made a sound RIGHT upstairs and they cleared out that fast?? they’ve absolutely been watching us and i’m scared that they heard ellie say that we have the cure to mankind🫠

sure are a lot of bottles and bricks up here 👀

dog break bc they needed to get some energy out

BACK TO THE GAME

BRO THAT’S SO SCARY THAT PEOPLE CAN MOVE THIS FAST

so we’re not gonna investigate that??

just pushin’ on?? this is not looking good bros

yoooooo this xray looks DOPE

i really don’t wanna open this door

IT WAS MONKEYS THE TIME

THE MONKEYS ARE A FALSE ALARM I KNOW IT DEEP IN MY BONES WHY ELSE WOULD THERE BE 500 BRICKS AND BOTTLES

THEY INJECTED THE MONKEYS????

broooooo

uh oh cutscene i am scared

to utah!! right?

why did he stop? joel please not now

uh oh spaghetti-o’s!

do i have to go back the way i came???? that was SO FAR BRO

fuuuuck

OH NO JOEL PLZ NOT OVER THE RAILS PLEASE

ELLIE??? NO HELP??? WH-?????

oh fuck goddamnit the railing BROKE

IMPALED????????? WHAT????????

FUCKING IMPALED?????

I’M GONNA START CRYING NO

THE STRUGGLED BREATHS??

HIM REACHING OUT TO ELLIE??????

STILL PROTECTING HER AS HE’S LITERALLY IMPALED STOP

THE TEARING SOUNDS???

JOEL YELLING???

I’M GONNA CRY BRO

STOP I HATE THIS

ELLIE IS SO SCARED

UUUUGH DUDE

SAYING HE’S FINE?? TO NOT SCARE HER?? OR TO TRICK HIS OWN BRAIN?? PROBABLY BOTH?

i know he’s gonna be okay but i am still very much in distress

his hands are COVERED in blood :(

this hurts my soul

oh my god she’s covered in blood too :((

ELLIE’S BEING SUCH A HELP ASSURING HIM I-

he doesn’t wanna put his weight on her and slow them down further :(

“then fucking walk” LMAO

the trail of blood 🥲

HER HELPING HIM I CAN’T DO THIS

HEY FUCKER LET GO OF THE HORSE

omg ellie is badass bro

i mean i knew that already but goddamn she’s really steppin up

oh my god please don’t fall of the horse joel

…he fell off the fucking horse

HE LOOKS SO PALE :(

I’M GETTING FLASHBACKS TO HER SAYING GET UP TO HIM 😭

WINTER?? we must’ve been in mid-late november just now then

THE ICONIC RABBIT

SLAY ELLIE

this feels so fucking weird playing ellie

i bet anyone playing this without spoilers for the first time was panicking thinking joel was dead

oh it takes her a hot minute to climb

DETAILS

gotta take that into account tho i’m so used to big grumpy texas man

“what is this place?” GIRL DON’T GO

NOLAN NORTH IS IN THERE

talking to herself in reassurance :(

took a food break

OH MY GOD OKAY UHHHH WAS NOT EXPECTING DAVID THIS EARLY

YES ELLIE

ellie i don’t think they have antibiotics

i fucking love ellie dude

“i’ve had some practice” i love how even when it’s ellie’s there’s essences of joel here

like he literally taught her how to use the rifle🥲

bro am i playing COD zombies or??

i do not trust david at all. i know he’s helping me to build trust but he’ll totally fuck me over later

i only trust joel to boost me bro

BLOATER??

i just started nailing that motherfucker with molotovs and bombs. that seems to work well :)

DO NOT touch ellie bro

“we make a pretty good team” don’t get ahead of yourself here dAvId. i’ve known you for like 10 minutes

I REMEMBER SEEING MOCAP VIDEO OF THIS SCENE

crazy man traveling with a little girl? uh sir, i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there is no man with ellie. and she covered up saying she has a group as well.

what man? ellie is alone. LEAVE HER ALONE DAVID.

“you’re just a kid.” with YOUR RIFLE pointed at YOUR FACE bro shut the hell up

oh well… now that’s not fair james can fuck off

are we sure this is medicine??? this could be fucking poison dawg

“i can protect you” nah i’m good there’s a grumpy texas man waiting for me

bro they’re gonna follow ellie and she’s gonna lead them right to joel and shit’s gonna go down i feel it in my bones

JOELLLLLLL

he’s looking worse for wear

my heart w this music UGH

STOP. HIM SHIVERING AND HER CHECKING HIS TEMP ON HIS HEAD

AND THEN LAYING NEXT TO HIM

AND HE’S LOOKING OVER AT HER

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THEY’VE COME SO FARRRRRRR

what THE FUCK did i say

GODDAMNIT

YEA THEY TRACKED YOU

KINDA EASY TO DO THAT IN THE SNOW

ELLIE I’M NOT MAD AT YOU I’M JUST STRESSED

HER KEEPING HIM UPDATED EVEN THOUGH HE MIGHT BE SO OUT OF IT I CANNOT

THE WAY HE STIRRED WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS GONNA DRAW THEM AWAY HE WANTS TO GET UP AND FIGHT FOR HERRRRRRRR AAAHHHHHHH

NOOO CALLUS NO BRO NOOOOOOO

I’M HAVING RDR2 FLASHBACKS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHY DO I STILL GET ATTACHED WHEN I KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN EVERY. FUCKING. TIME

okay stealth with ellie is kinda fun

the bow is the way to go apparently lmao

i’m so pissed i missed possible loot bc i decided to go the way that looked like it had loot. FUCK

SECRET TUNNELLLLLLL! SECRET TUNNEL! THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN! haha

she’s so worried about joel🥺

me too tho i get it

the way that i’m naming every voice actor of these npc’s the whole time i’ve been playing this game💀

i’m like “oh my god yuri! laur! travis! nolan!” i do this with every game tho LMAO

the fucking music in the background is hauntingly beautiful

this lodge goes hard dude i wanna live here

ELLIE

FUUUUCK DAVID DUDE

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW

THE SOUND EFFECTS OF THE CUTTING BLEH

“it’s deer” BULLSHIT GUY I JUST SAW A MOTHERFUCKER CHOPPING UP A WHOLE P E R S O N

“you’re a fucking animal” *continues to eat like an animal*

this is something that i do think about when it comes to apocalypse situations like how fast would some people resort to… other forms of sustenance…

dude nolan killed it being creepy as fuck haha

how long until he snaps dude i’m scared. he’s too calm

“and you’re special” NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOPE

YA’LL HAVE FUN

I’M NOT GONNA DO THAT HAHA

why tf is she letting him touch her hand bro i would’ve broken his goddamn fingers by now

wait she has to be acting so they’ll let her go nvm she’s clever lmao

OH MY GOD I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW SHE FUCKING BREAKS HIS FINGER

HOLY SHIT YEEES

“tell them that ellie is the little girl that broke your fucking finger.” OH MY GOD?? F E R A L

“how did you put it? hmm? tiny pieces?” IT’S THE LINE!! AH

also G R O S S

JOOOEEEELLLLLL

joel ur gonna rip those fuckin stitches man

woooaaah the controller light went from green to yellow? OHHHHH IT’S BASED ON MY HEALTH

why did that take me so long to notice? LMAOOOOO

the way that i’m walking slow as if that’ll put him through less pain💀

i take back what i said before about being able to hear him breathe bc this is so fucking sad hearing him grunting and struggling and shivering

i audibly shushed joel when he yelled for ellie like it was gonna do anything HAHA

having an injury in the cold fucking suuuuucks dude ur so sensitive to the weather

JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. even when joel is in extreme pain he’s taking not one, but TWO hostages. and they’re not overpowering him. jesus

HOLY FUCK JOEL. HE IS IN SO MUCH PAIN. AND JUST WAILIN ON THESE GUYS

jesus fucking christ

“focus right here.”

i- this is doing something to me🫢

ANYWAYYYY

PUTTING THE KNIFE IN HIS MOUTH AND MAKING HIM MARK THE MAP IN HIS OWN BLOOD IS C O L D AS HELL

“and it better be the same spot your buddy points to” OH MY GOD JOEL

“that’s alright. i believe him.”

i’m sittin here like 😳🫢😮

bro do not FUCK with joel miller goddamn

ellie you better wake the fuck up the terminator is coming to pick you up

oh shit oh fuck oh shit

YEA FUCK YOU DAVID LOOK AT HER ARM FUCKER

SLAAYYYYY ELLIE

oh this is a blizzard alright

sorry my midwesterner came out there for a sec

dude nolan is scary in this role he’s doin great

i’m waiting to hear joel absolutely fucking shit up in the distance

hearing ellie shiver :(

DUDE BURNING BUILDING BOSS FIGHT? slay

DAVID IS SO SCARY

JOOOOOEEEELLLLLL

i’m the one that will be fucking shit up? EXCELLENT👹

THERE’S LIKE 12 GUYS FOR ME TO HANDLE?? I HAD LIKE 5 or 6 FOR ELLIE TOTAL GODDAMN

ellie’s bag!!

when he walks into the butcher and sees what’s hanging then is like “i gotta find her. i gotta find her” in a slightly panicked tone? NO ONE TALK TO ME

oh shit indeed joel

ELLIE WAKE UUUUP I DON’T LIKE THIS ELLIE WAKE UUUUUUPPPP

i’m waiting for joel to come in and fuck shit up part 2 electric boogaloo

david is pathetic bro fighting a 14 yr old. watching her crawl for a weapon desperately, only to laugh and kick her when she gets close

holy fuck dude. no one talk to me. no one perceive me rn.

the first time he’s called her babygirl😭

oh my god. i’m fucking C R Y I N G rn

super traumatic things happen right before the seasons change i should know this by now

we’re in spring now oh boy

AHH THE OUTFITS!!! THE ONES THAT PEDRO AND BELLA WERE WEARING ON SET!!! AHHH

“let’s go kiddo” i- i need a minute after what just went down dude

i feel like i should stop now but i know i’m close to the ending

we’ve made it to utah!

“i’m gonna teach you how to play guitar” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ellie’s spacing out bc she’s scared :(

this is so crazy bc this literally looks like pedro and bella from behind

i love the fits that are goin on these might be my favorite so far

the rv :(

i’m literally crying just thinking about how full circle it is that joel lost his daughter, but has now gained a daughter. he tried so hard to fight it off. he even told her straight to her face that he’s not her father. now jump to him calling her babygirl and kiddo, and how they’re just chatting away about ellie’s dreams. how joel’s voice sounds warmer and softer, and so does ellie’s. i can’t fuckin do this bro

also not only the evolution from the beginning where he was like ugh a child🙄, but just from wyoming to now is so fucking wholesome. “i sure as hell ain’t your dad.” to now??? FUCK dude. i’m emotional

i’m not jazzed about being back in a city

if he calls her kiddo or babygirl one more time it will be my undoing

WAIT GIRAFFE SOON??? I FUCKIN HOPE SO

joel checking on her and not wanting to push her so he’s just like “it’s fine” so she doesn’t feel like she needs to be as talkative as she usually is🥲

my heart… HURTS bro

BZKSBSKDVSKSVDLWVDOEGSKSV THIS HURTS BRO HE WAS READY TO BOOST HER AND HE JUST SAW THAT SHE WAS STILL THERE AND SPACED OUT AGAIN AND I-😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I AM A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION RIGHT NOW

STOP HE GOT SO SCARED

GIRAFFE TIME???

“what in the sam hell?” ASDFGHKLBDKS

GIRAFFE TIME!!!!!🥳🥳🥳🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

THERE’S TWO???

THE MUSIC? STOP IT

THERE’S THREE?!!

“don’t scare it” “i won’t, i won’t” IN THE SOFTEST VOICE I- MMMMMMMMM

WHY AM I CRYING ABOUT 2 PEOPLE PETTING A GIRAFFE

WAIT I KNOW THIS SONG

VANISHING GRACE!

ellie instantly perked up. it’s like a father and daughter at the zoo🥹 she’s like “hurry up! come on!” I CANNOT TAKE THIS

EIGHT GIRAFFES???

is a heart to heart about to happen bc i can’t take it rn i’m a mess

“is it everything you were hopin’ for?” “it’s got it’s ups and downs. can’t deny the view though”😭

i hope the game knows that i will literally fucking stand here for eternity. and this is what joel and ellie are gonna do for the rest of their lives. giraffe watch. no more trauma. just giraffes bein dudes.

and this is all before the ending??? CURSE YOU NAUGHTY DOG

i don’t want to progress bc they’re both so content and peaceful rn. UGH i’m sorry ya’ll we have to continue. JOEL. ELLIE. I’M SORRY

oh god i wasn’t expecting a cutscene am i about to get my heart broken? again?

“we don’t have to do this” ONE LINE IN AND I’M ALREADY UUUGH

they don’t want to let go of each other… bc they need each other at this point.

“it can’t be for nothing” THERE IT IS

uh ooohhhhh joel’s feeling differently mefinks

i want to hug both of them so fucking tight dudebros. so fucking tight.

i think i am gonna stop here bc i am tired and in pain from this fucking chair haha

yea this one was super ultra mega long. i’m sorry. i just got a lot to say and analyze sometimes yknow?? lots of story this time! maybe that’s why it’s longer haha

i just know that i am literally never going to be the same after playing this game. i’m so fucking happy that i finally did.

we finish(?) tomorrow! and i’ll probably do a seperate post from the next recap about what i thought of the game as a whole, and oh boy is that gonna be long too haha

but yea i’m so fucking excited but also scared to finish this!! until tomorrow!!🤎

[alliterative-albatross]

My dear, your reblog about Boromir death just broke my heart a little bit more 😭 gotta watch Lotr again !

Let me sink the arrows a little deeper. 

Boromir, son of Denethor was a whole-ass man.

Often Boromir is compared to his father in contrast to Faramir, but he’s actually described as being like Denethor in “face and pride, but little else.” That right there tells you a lot about his character. 

He grew up on Sauron’s back porch, at the end of the decline of Gondor, with a younger brother who idolized him and a father who was slowly spiraling into severe mental illness. As the oldest son of the steward, Boromir has a lot to live up to and not much to work with.

Gondor had been circling the drain for 1000 years. Not only was there the looming threat of Sauron - obviously significant - but there’s the decline of the men of the west to consider, too. Since the fall of Numenor, each generation of men had grown successively weaker, their lifespans and wisdom diminished. Add to that the rise of Mordor: the corruption of Minas Ithil (Minas Morgul), the orcs running around killing people, the fall of Rohan and the treason of Orthanc, plus the back-and-forth taking and retaking of Osgiliath... well, Boromir is a man with a lot to worry about.

Then there’s the personal problems. A dead mom and an ailing, asshole father. A sweet little brother to protect (remember that Faramir really cared nothing for battles and weapons, so of course Boromir, being the Big Brother/Badass Warrior that he was, would worry over him). A city on the edge of ruin, a people on the edge of war they cannot hope to fight, an army of actual monsters living at your doorstep. Boromir’s entire world is literally falling apart at the seams. This is a man who is utterly without hope, a man with the weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

Talk about pressure, am I right?

So, let’s hit on Osgiliath a little bit. It’s not made clear in the films, but Osgiliath is actually the capital city of Gondor. It’s also a major tactical stronghold - he who controls Osgiliath controls passage across the river Anduin. As Captain of the White Tower, Boromir spent pretty much his entire adult life defending this city from constant attack - at one point, he and Faramir held the west side, and Mordor held the east side, and they battled for the bridge in the middle. Like, for months, I think (you may want to fact check my timelines on this, though, because I am too lazy). I’m pretty sure he and Faramir eventually just said “fuck it” and collapsed the bridge behind them (if we can’t have it then you can’t either, Sauron, please go suck a giant cock) and ended up swimming to safety with maybe just a couple of other dudes? Not many. 

So. Boromir the Protector. Boromir the Warrior. 

Now, Boromir the Captain. His soldiers loved him - they looked for him daily when he was gone. He was a good leader and a good man. He was missed, and he was mourned. Even Eomer mentions him fondly, saying that he was a lot like a man of Rohan. High praise, if you ask me.

Now, let’s talk about Boromir the Big Brother.

It is made clear time and time again, in both the books and the films, that even though Boromir may not have understood Faramir, he loved him. Boromir is described as his brother’s defender and protector. He defends Faramir physically in battle man times, and also emotionally, from Denethor the Dickhead.

In the books, Boromir and Faramir both dream of Imlardis and Isildur’s Bane, but it’s Boromir who volunteers to take the journey to Rivendell, solely to protect his brother from the dangerous journey.

And it is dangerous. At one point, he loses his horse crossing a ford - which means he lost most of his supplies, too. He had to walk to Rivendell with the clothes on his back. It took him nearly four months. 

Now, I kind of think this is a huge sacrifice. I mean, Boromir who cared nothing for lore or culture, volunteering to leave his men and take on a journey to Rivendell to see some elves about a dream? It smacks of desperation, sure, which Boromir obviously felt in spades. But also, I think displays that no-hold-barred, sacrificial kind of love that he held for Faramir. Boromir would do literally anything to keep his baby bro safe. 

Boromir’s relationship with the hobbits is special, too. One of my favorite moments in The Fellowship of the Ring is Boromir teaching Merry and Pippin to spar, which is why I chose the gif up top. Just, all of the Feels, am I right? 

This isn’t the only time Boromir acts in the interests of the hobbits, though. Upon crossing Caradhras, it was Boromir who was wise enough to suggest the Fellowship carry firewood with them. This foresight single-handedly saved the lives of the hobbits; they would have frozen otherwise. The next day, Boromir and Aragorn carried them down the mountain. 

So, Boromir was a good guy. He was brave, noble, kind, wise in his own way. He had a good head for strategy, and he could kick some serious ass on a battlefield (I didn’t talk too much about that one because I thought it was kind of obvious).

Now, to address the elephant in the room (or, the ring around the halfling’s neck? too much?) 

Remember that the One Ring preys on our vulnerabilities. I think film!Gandalf said it most succinctly: “I would use this ring for the desire to do good, but through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.”

Boromir’s greatest desire is to protect what he loves - his brother, his men, and more broadly, his city and its legacy. Tactically, his argument to return to Minas Tirith and strike out from a position of strength is a sound one: rest up, make a plan, defeat Sauron at the front door, restore Gondor to her former glory. It makes sense. Remember that this is a man who has made a study of military history - he’s not an idiot by any means. But the Ring corrupted this noble desire until all Boromir could think about was this driving need to get the Ring to Gondor. 

Boromir’s story, more than absolutely anybody’s - yeah, even Smeagol’s - illustrates the dangers of the One Ring. The corruption of Boromir wasn’t inevitable, it was unthinkable. This was a good and noble man. He was a badass warrior, a friend, a brother. Boromir’s death proves that nobody is above the power of the Ring. His loss is a fucking tragedy, both to the Fellowship and to his people. 

tl;dr: Boromir is one of my very favorite characters in all of the Tolkien pantheon, he doesn’t get near enough credit, and I mourn his passing just like those White Tower bros. 

[therainroguebts]

Kingdom: Legendary War ep.7, no thoughts, just chan screaming Felix’s name like a concerned parent

- oh no I'm not looking forward to the global rankings bro

- I'm like 90% sure stray kids fans are all powerful and are gonna bump them up in the global ranking

- I FUCKING KNEW IT AHHHH

- well at least ateez is second!!

- please let ikon be one rank higher please I'm begging you

- ateez third place... the global viewers are stupid as fuck this is driving me crazy

- I'm happy for sk but I also hate it lmao poor ateez

- ahhhh shindong!! 17 years bro, wow Donghae too!

- Bobby is the only rapper in ikon? Oh God the pressure lol

- seeing rappers be so charismatic on the stage to being shy little beans when they meet each other is the most precious thing in the world

- look at Bobby making friends omg this is adorable

- bobby: wants to meet / them: cancels their schedule before he can finish his sentence

- Bobby the bunny 🐰🐇

- lmao never let Bobby set up the camera omg he totally broke that bitch

- I think the auto tune was a bad choice but I think it will still be dope

- they did so well!! 👏

- they haven't even fucking started yet but the rap unit of mayfly is off the charts they're gonna kill it

- MINKYUK TEASING CHAN IS MY NEW AESTHETIC

- and then minhyuk forgetting his own lyrics lol how is this man so relatable

- HONGJOON TAKING THE TEAM TO THE GRAMMYS WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR NOT LETS GOOOOO I'll get the car

- "We're going to eat now. Jealous?" GET THAT SHITTY LOOK OFF YOUR FACE CHANGBIN 😤 I am jealous bc I'm soooo hungry rn

- can we have a variety show where idols just go around to other agencies tasting their food? Lol

- dude their song is so lit 🔥 there's no way they're not gonna win!

- I WANT THAT SONG GIVE IT TO ME I will sell my first born for this fucking song please kingdom put your feckin shit on Spotify you bastards

- If they don't win.... I'm quitting

- YES I fucking knew they were gonna win it was just way too hype not to ahhhh I'm so proud

- I love how it just spoils the fucking dance unit members 🤣

- bro it's so awkward oh this is gonna be painful but DK is here and he's gorgeous so it's worth it 👌

- also they do not seem the same age at all lol

- I feel like I'm about to watch a period drama 👀 I wonder how it'll turn out. DK fighting!!

- bro I never thought I'd see the day where I was so captivated by a dance performance. I was silent the whole time and you know my loud ass never shuts up. Ahhh I'm worried for mayfly that performance was really feckin good

- as someone from the states where honorifics isn't a thing, I always feel strange when they make a big deal out of calling someone by their name. I understand that politeness is super important in Korea but my American side just doesn't understand. It's cute watching them lose their minds over it tho, unable to drop the formalities haha

- lol poor peniel, forced to be leader and everyone is looking up to him like toddlers asking their papa for milk

- I have high expectations for my boys, and they better bring it if they want to beat that drama performance

- duuude how is team mayfly so perfect 🥰 I am literally in love I want these boys as one group lol

- I just want to take a moment to complain. Idk if it's the site I'm using, my internet, or if the universe hates me but the video plays smoothly until I get to the feckin important part - THE PERFORMANCE and then it buffers every few seconds it's driving me insane and only does it during the performances UGH

- THE WAY BANG CHAN SAID FELIXS NAME AS IF HE WERE HIS DAD WARNING HIM NOT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID I CANT FUCKING BREATHE CALL 911

- THAT WAS AMAZING

- bro team mayfly might just get a triple crown omg 👑👑👑

- "mayflys journey ends here" "Who are you to decide when it ends?" FUCK HER UP PENIEL SHE DONT KNOW SHIT once a team, always a team 👊🏻 brothers (wolves) for life!💯

- (mayfly will live on it our hearts) yes it fucking will 😭💙

- oh fuck you for the cliffhanger kingdom you bastards 😤 you know it leaves me emotionally drained and i have to take a break! Ahhhhh

[simptasia]

Sorry I'm a bit late, but here's some Lost nonsense from my brain:

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

Also.

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Also.

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

And on top of that.

How come no one really tried to mess about with time in the 70s? I know there was a bit of "ahh don't effect the future" but like, if I was stuck in the past I'd have a go at screwing around with time. I'd be like suck it universe, there's no Internet and I've got people in the present I care about. I know alot of the Lost people had reasons not to, like Jin's trying to keep his family safe and Sawyer doesn't really have anyone outside of the island. But Julie's sister? Kate needing to find Claire? WHY WASNT THERE A DANIEL FOCUSED EPISODE ABOUT HIM TRYING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE AND SAVE CHARLOTTE THAT JUST MADE THE FUTURE HAPPEN MORE SO THAT THEN WHEN SAYID SHOT CHILD BEN I COULD HAVE BEEN ALL LIKE nah bro thats no gonna help, when instead I thought there was gonna be some funky timeline nonsense that I'm always here for AND THEN THERE WASNT. Also more Daniel.

Last thought (sorry I can't shut up)

Now I'm thinking about it, why was everyone's reaction to Sayid shooting child Ben as a bland "this is bad" ?? Im not trying to say it was good, but its like the whole 'go back in time and kill Hitler as a kid' argument? I thought characters would at least have thoughts? Like no one even talked about it beyond face value?? Or even had an emotion?? Everyone was just like: "this is bad, but let's leave him with his abusive dad" ???????????????

Epilogue Thought: i genuinely thought when Kate handed child Ben over to the Others she was doing to say something to him along the lines of what adult Ben said to her at the beginning of series 3 when they had breakfast together. (My memory is so bad, but it's something like "I wanted you to have a nice memory to cling onto because a lot of bad is going to happen.") And then it was gonna be like a weird time loop thing of who really said it first, like Ben doesn't remember them properly or anything (but it might help why he didn't just ask Jack for surgery help when they first crashed.)

lost spoilers ahead

Okay, first of all, how the fuck did you send a message this long. Whenever I send messages, I'm given a character limit???

If Jacob's & MIB's adopted mum didn't adopt them, then a whole lot of mess could have been avoided.

"Adopted", yes that the's word for it. And yeah... yeah. The entire plot of LOST, down the drain. Isn't it ironic, this show is known for so much daddy issues and all of this fuss was caused by mommy issues

Why didn't John's dad just say he was moving after he stole his kidney and see him like once a year? (That way if you need to borrow a lung later down the line the option is is there.)

Short answer: Because Anthony Cooper is a cunt

Longer answer: it's pooossible that anthony genuinely didn't wanna spend any time with locke at all. as you pointed out, this isn't pragmatic on his part. but he's a dick. he also has a history of not sticking around the people he's conned

If I knew my past self was gonna kill my son I won't let that happen. Screw the time space continuum, I'm doctor who-ing this nonsense.

I've had this same thought. Offense to Eloise, but I'm different.

like, yeah, even if it turns out to not be possible, there's merit in fucking trying to prevent this. like, morally, emotionally, i'd respect eloise if she'd fucking TRIED to not kill her baby boy :(((

legit, same, if i knew i was destined to kill my boy, i'd be like "no"

and at the very fucking least, i'd give the best life possible! which, paradox or no, is what a parent is SUPPOSED to do, eloise!!

not only does eloise not even try to not do this, what makes it so much worse is that she didn't allow him the life he wanted. you know he's gonna die young, bitch, let him have love and piano!

HES NOT EVEN ASKING FOR MUCH. free will??? please???

i Cannot talk about eloise without going on this rant, it seems

and the rest of ur message, i won't copy paste, but what ur saying about time travel. i'm kinda indifferent to a possiblity of them trying to change more but thinking about it, it's odd that they didn't Try more. however this can chalked up to like, not enough run time. but yes i'm all in favour of the characters ties to other characters mattering more. and charlotte mattering more. grrrr

oh boy the ben thing. well, i don't blame them for the This Is Bad thing. because it is. it's very bad to shoot a child. i wanna say, sayid is so fucking out of character when he does this. the writers mishandled sayid pretty bad in seasons 5 and 6, sigh. personally i don't believe its anywhere near okay to try to kill somebody because they're gonna be a bad person One Day. but yeah i am surprised there wasn't more of a debate about this in canon. we have people of different morals here... plus, it's a debate in real life. i'm in the "punish the people who have actually done something wrong" camp

it's fucked that he has to stay with roger though. i don't put that on our losties tho, overall i blame the others. because they could have accepted ben into the others way sooner and they really should have. richard could see this kid was suffering and they let him stay with his abusive dad. that's awful. then again, charles was in charge during this time period so that makes THAT make more sense but ugh

and finally. inch resting... i always saw kate's sympathy for little ben as 1. he's only a child, he's Not big ben. and 2. she grew up in an abusive home too so she sees a kindred spirit

regarding ben's memory, it annoys me how the writers felt the need to erase some of little ben's memories to supposedly Make It Make Sense but i felt that was unneeded. i think it's perfectly viable for ben to remember all the stuff that went down in season 5 but he never mentioned it because why the fuck would he. for one thing, he was henry gale at first, he's hardly gonna be like "oh hey are you the guy who shot me when i was a kid??" no, he'd keep his memories to himself. i think ben keeps a lot of things to himself for tactical reasons so i think the lost writers employed a get outta jail free card when they really didn't need to

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Ray’s AE Live Reactions

Right lads, I’m gonna do a daily commentary on Saeran’s AE because damn I gotta vent lol

I think it goes without saying, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! Long post ahead. And lot’s of screenshots (did not know there was an image limit on tumblr post lol had to whack the collaging app). A lot happened guys, and I have a lot of feelings.

Day 1!

First, a few initial thoughts

I forgot about the pure anxiety of picking the right chat choices lmao. This is not a game for over thinkers lemme tell ya

Really REALLY appreciated the current lack of 3am chat rooms lol. It went from 12am to 9am and it was GLORIOUS

Saeran is an absolute cherub and I will be watching him like a hawk

Now onto live reactions!

~

Well at least SEVENSTAR DRINK is thriving. It’s what he would have wanted.

~

Zen excuse me this is not your AE you cannot be this cute bACK OFF SIR

Big bro Zen has made another appearance. We do not deserve this man. STOP BEING CUTE

~

Look at this man. Look at this absolute fucking bean sprout look at him I just wanna rip my face off he’s so cute jfc

he also keeps calling everyone by their full name and i can’t handle it. every time he says ‘Jumin Han’ i want punch myself in the face he’s so. damn. precious.

~

Ummm Yoosung?? That’s my boyfriend thank you very much BACK OFF SIR

cough #Yooran4ever cough ah did you hear something? Nah me neither

~

SAERAN LMFAOOOOOO HE FUCKING SAID IT. Bean sprout is a savage bean sprout hot damn.

Zen I’m sorry my love but it was going to be said eventually.

~

what. the. FUCK. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? My jaw dropped like are you having a laugh?? what’s happening when did you turn all creepy and scary I mean look at that CG I hate it bring back the soft mint man I don’t trust this one 

#notmyjihyun

For real though I am baffled and afraid pls let this all get sorted out :(( now I'm worried for Saeyoung and V’s safety wtf wtf wtf

~

I’M GONNA CRY NO NO NO MY BBY THE TEARS ARE COMING I CANNOT COPE NOOOOOO

CHERITZ PLEASEEEE

HE’S HURT OH MY GOD HELP HIM

I actually want to scream

Sir that’s my emotional support hacker i need you not fucking do that

~

smiley face of death

~

i’ll tell you what Cheritz, you are incredible

i actually did giggle and yes i hate me for it too

~

GIVE THE CHERUB HIS BROTHER BACK😭😭

it’s not even been a full day and i’m already emotionally drained send help

~

and on today’s episode of ‘mc being thirsty for anyone but the person whose route your on’:

cheritz you do make me giggle

~

JUMIN🥺😭 ffs can you stop making the characters say nice things about me or be super cute to me in every chat/call because i will fall in love with them again and IT’S SAERAN’S TURN OKAY STOP IT

~

sorry everyone i will be stepping down from my position as Party Organiser to become mr chairman’s personal therapist thank you for your time

literally had one conversation with this guy and now he’s telling me all about his failed love life. you know what i respect it well done mr chairman for being open about your feelings.

~

Saeyoung, i have been waiting to save you for literal years and now your telling me not look for you? lmao as if

~

I could actually shed a tear.

I’m so proud of you baby, you tell her boo.

~

I am SCREAMING. V why you gotta absolutely decimate her like that?

Honestly though this chat was so uncomfortable. Something is just very off with these two (more than usual). Like it’s so eerie how casual and ‘normal’ they’re being i hate it here

~

IT’S ALRIGHT LADS VANDERWOOD IS HERE

We're counting on you Vandy pls don’t let us down

~

Okay, some general thoughts about day 1:

This suspense with Saeyoung is genuinely killing me. Like I NEED him to be okay in the end. The panic from his visual novel was so real. I actually can’t think about it too much without getting upset lmao

Seriously concerned about V’s character. I'm praying that they don’t villainise him and he can have a happy ending. Saeran got a happy ending in V’s ae, and it’ll be so upsetting if V doesn’t get the same from Saeran’s.

Rika is straight up pissing me off. I’m sorry to say it, but she is. I don’t know if I’m just moody today bc usually I can either just brush her off or find a way to sympathise for her (not excuse her actions, just make an effort to understand her) but today I just couldn’t do it. It’s not even like...genuine anger she’s just annoying me hahah (pretty sure I’m just hormonal or something, but we’ll see lol)

And if she brings up Saeran’s mother and tries to push the idea that she herself is like a mother to him I will personally twat her round the head.

Oh, or if she talks about Jumin again. I will protect my bois if it’s the last thing I do.

The call from Driver Kim was the only saving grace of the day. What a wholesome man.

Seeing V and Rika be all domestic and ‘normal’ in some chats/on the spaceship thing was...unsettling. It makes me even more concerned for V...

Basically, I am afraid of what’s going to happen next.