#but i always eat before bed when i have to take my second dose sooo yeah

[caffeinatedopossum]

I complained a lot about the side effects from my anxiety meds but they've genuinely changed my life in the best way. I'm talking to friends again, I'm playing video games, I'm not having panic attacks about dying every single night... genuinely wish I had this years ago

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 23- Oppression

Summary: Cute morning fluff takes place before Lee gets a disturbing dose of reality. Jo and Lee share a comical breakfast. Lee secretly worries of Ethan's state of mind. His worries catch up to him. Orlando reaches out to Josie. Josie sees a concerning moment and discreetly tries to help. Things heat up again for the lovebirds with some more sweet afterglow.

*Warnings* language, angst, anxiety attack, smut

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie,

Salem, Massachusetts

February 27. 2023

The Lake House

You giggled and reluctantly pulled yourself free from Lee's magical arms as he playfully grabbed at you to keep you in his reach, for he didn't want to spend one minute away from you.

"I will see you downstairs after I go freshen up. So much for my shower.' you chuckled.

"Well, you could...uh...always come take one with me?" Lee said with an adorable grin as he won the battle of pulling you back into his arms.

"Oh you are sooo bad Dr. Pace. As inviting as that sounds, we NEED to eat. It's almost 2 in the afternoon and you promised me breakfast."

"Breakfast in bed would be nice."

His grin grew as his alluring gaze into your eyes almost made you cave.

"No..no...and nooooo. You are so rotten." you laughed.

"And you love it."

"I do...and you.." you softly agreed and stroked his cheek. "So much."

Lee's gaze became serious. "God I will never get enough of hearing you say that to me."

He had you again, lost at sea in his ocean like blue orbs as his lips slowly lowered to yours, killing you softly with his tender kiss. The more your mouths moved together, the more intense the moment became.

You pulled back with a gasp. "And I will never get enough of your kiss, which is why I am going now!! and your pouty lips that you're giving me will not work."

Lee pulled his pouty bottom lip into his teeth with a smirk. "Fine...but this ain't over beautiful."

"Better not be." you said and walked out.

Lee walked up to the door and leaned on it. "I hate it when you leave but damn, I love watching you walk away."

You stopped at your guest room and gaped at him. "Oh...my...god." you sarcastically said with an eye roll and went inside, giving the door a hard shut as Lee roared in laughter.

Lee went and sat on his bed and put on his sweat pants, then stopped at your door.

He then turned around and went back to his room and opened the drawer where he put the love letter he wrote you earlier while you were showering and he took it downstairs with him.

The music was still blasting from last night, so he turned it down to a normal level and went to the kitchen and checked his phone which had multiple missed calls from Ethan. Lee rolled his eyes and tossed the phone back down, then went over to your purse that sat on the counter and buried the letter into the bottom for you to find at a later time. As he finished doing this, he noticed the answering machine beeping from around the corner and went to check it, having a damn good feeling who the message was from.

"You have 10 new messages. First message sent Sunday 8:34 am..- Lee, it's me. Please call me back. I want to apologize for last night...ok. Talk soon..I hope."

Of course it was from Ethan, so Lee immediately deleted it.

"Second message sent Sunday 8'45 am.- Lee, it's me again. Can we please talk? Call me, or text me."

Lee deleted that one too and reluctantly went on to the next one.

"Third message sent Sunday 9:11 am.- Lee come on man. I thought I meant something to you? You know how I get when you ignore me. I miss you."

At this point, Lee was now just pissed and ripped the cord out of the wall, not listening to the rest of Ethan's crazy bullshit.

He slipped on a tee shirt and got some eggs and bacon out. After he got them cooking, he grabbed a box of cereal and sat down at the table to eat that while he looked over his father's will more thoroughly since Gordon was coming after him for the farm.

Soft kisses suddenly graced the back of his neck.

"Mmmm, I smell something good and it's not the bacon." You whispered over his skin, sending goosebumps down his arms.

Lee backed the chair up and pulled you onto his lap. "Mmmm come here my lady love."

You squealed and giggled as he did so. "Grape Nuts? Really?"

"Hey, don't knock the nuts. Best damn nuts in the world." he grinned.

"Ooooh. Yess...they are." you playfully said as you kissed him softly.

"Yeah ok, now who's rotten?"

"Well, you kinda set yourself up for that one."

"I suppose I did...but..I reeeally liked your reply Jo March. Would you like some of my nuts?"

You busted up laughing as did he. "You're going to be the death of me I swear."

Lee suddenly took your face into his hands as he became extremely earnest. "Hey...don't ever say that ok?"

"Lee, it..it's just a figure of speech?"

His eyes dropped. "I..I know...I just..."

"Hey...it's ok baby. I get it. You suffered some great losses. Believe me, I understand how sensitive things like that can be."

"Jo...if anything were ever to happen to you...I..."

Ethan's words haunted him. 'You know how I get....' Lee did know, and he was greatly reminded by the car incident which is why Lee believed it was intentional no matter how much Ethan denied it.

"Shhhh. Heyyyyyy.... I'm not going anywhere? I'm yours as long as you want me."

His hands were still on your face as his eyes danced all through yours.

"Forever." he simply said and kissed you so gently.

Again, the kissing went from sweetly innocent to quite passionate, and time was lost...but it was abruptly interrupted by the smoke alarm sounding. You both had been so hot and heavy that neither of you noticed the burning smell.

"Shit! The bacon!" Lee shouted and quickly worked his way out from under you, flinging the pan off of the stove onto the counter with his bare hand.

'Ahhhh damn it!!!!" he bellowed as he shook his hand.

"Lee! Here..."

You quickly drug him to the sink and ran his hand under the water.

"God...baby are you alright?" you desperately asked while checking his hand over.

"Yeah...my ego not so much. I knew better than to do that."

"Yeah well, you remember when you bandaged my hand at your other house?"

"I do...yes, that's right...you said you...burned it doing exactly what I just did..." he recalled in shock.

"Just another sign that we were meant for each other." you chuckled as you kissed his hand.

"Wellll!" he quipped with disappointment and dumped the contents of the pan into the trash. "Hope you don't mind extra crispy bacon."

You laughed. "Lee, trust me, it cannot be any worse than my cooking. There isn't anything that I cannot burn. Gordon Ramsey and I are not friends."

Your statement did the intended trick and made him chortle. "The bacon is so black, it looks like shreds of a blown out tire."

You began laughing so hard, you actually snorted which got Lee laughing hysterically, so much so that he had tears leaking out of his eyes.

"Jo...I'm sorry to break this to you, but I think I killed the eggs too and the hen that laid them." he continued laughing, barely able to speak as he glanced into the other skillet.

'Lee stop, I can't...breathe!" you panted with your own tears forming.

'Well fuck...I think I got some bread. I can make toast baby, if I can manage not to burn that too."

"That's ok. I will settle for your nuts."

You desperately tried to keep a straight face after you purposely said that, but the look of shock on Lee's face had you crying again.

'Alright Miss Massachusetts. If it's my nuts you so desire, it's my nuts you shall receive."

Lee got a bowl from the cupboard and set in on the table for you. "Let's eat."

You ate one bowl of cereal to Lee's four and then you made him let you tend to his hand with some ointment, despite his usual "Who's the doctor" proclamations.

Lee stood at the kitchen window rinsing the bowls out as you came up to him and laid your head on his shoulder, in which he smiled and kissed your head.

"The storm really made a mess out there huh?" you acknowledged as you gazed out at the boat house and shivered a little.

"You cold sweetheart? Hey, why don't you go sit by the fire and I will go get dressed and chop up some more firewood that I've got in the garage....unless...you're in a hurry to go start packing?"

"I'm excited yes, but there's no rush. I like it here with you."

"I like you here with me."

You stretched up and gave him a sweet kiss. "Mmmm ok...I...am going to go put on some warmer clothes and I'll be back down in a bit."

Lee couldn't stand it anymore and after he made sure you were up the stairs, he went back to the answering machine and listened to the rest of Ethan's messages. He and Lee may have remained good friends in the past but he still knew of Ethan's darker side.

"Lee...fucking come on dude. Quit ignoring me. Just give me five minutes. Is that so damn hard?"

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting you and that chic? You fucking her now?"

"You can't be this serious about her man? She's just another notch on your belt like any other girl. I wasn't man...we had a good time. Do I mean nothing to you now?"

"Lee what the fuck! I though we were at least friends still. I'm sorry for what I said to her, but it was all true and you know it although I am sure you told her I lied. You know you'll get bored of her just like all the others...and I'll still be here man. Even after you nailed me in the gut."

"We were good until her! What's so special about her huh?? Fuck man...you're killing me. She don't know you like I do."

"Guess I can't blame her. I mean, I had that cock and I enjoyed every inch of it. Correct me if I'm wrong but you seemed to have enjoyed it pretty damn well yourself. Have you told her everything? I bet not..."

Lee ran his hand through his hair and heavily sighed in frustration, then wrapped the cord around the machine and shoved it in the drawer.

Ethan had always been cool with whomever Lee was involved with and that was because Lee was never serious with anyone, but now he was and he knew Ethan was going to be a problem. How was he going to tell you all of this? He had promised you no more secrets. Would he lose everything he had worked so hard for if he told you the full extent of his relationship with Ethan? He never thought any of that mattered...until now. Ethan was a live wire and Lee knew he was itching to get you away from him. All the signs...were there.

Lee threw on another shirt and some jeans he had laying around and headed out to release his anger on the firewood.

You came outside to find him and followed the sound of the chopping down the path to the boat house.

'Damn, who's head are you picturing on there?"

"What? Oh..hey baby. I..I guess I was just really into it."

"I'd say. There's enough wood here for an entire 'nother winter."

"Always good to have back up." he grinned.

"Well....can I help with something?"

"Sure sweetheart. There's a hose there on the deck. You could spray off all the debris and mud if you'd like."

You happily went and began doing that as you watched him. You were still learning things about him but you could clearly see something was bothering him as he wailed on the wood. Probably Gordon, you thought, in which you couldn't blame him....or maybe the dream he had that morning that he was reluctant to share details on.

Whatever it was, you felt for him so very badly, wishing you could take all of his pain away that he was trying to relinquish with every swing of that axe.

He took a break and came over, peering down at you with a huge grin and then he began chucking.

"Uh what's so funny?"

"Guess I never realized just how little you really are. I just want to pick you up and put you in my pocket."

"Ha...ha...well, I only look small because you're a giant...a beautiful giant at that."

"Which makes you smallllll." he joked and began laughing again.

"Small but fierce!" you retorted and sprayed him with the hose.

"Whoa hey!" he chuckled and chased you around the porch.

The cute little game of cat and mouse went on as he would tickle you every time he was able to grab you. Everything felt so right. You were so happy. He was so happy. You both made each other so happy. You could be yourself with him and he with you. You were both in your own little fairytale world together and it felt like nothing or no one could touch you, or so you believed. Real life found a way to interrupt as usual.

As Lee came around the corner of the deck, he abruptly halted and grabbed onto the rail, clutching his chest as he gasped in pain.

"Lee??! Baby? What's wrong??" you asked in fear as you raced over to to him.

"Chest pain...can't breathe..." he panted.

"Ok, ok sit down, sit down."

"No...no...I ...need to bend over..." he gasped and leaned down, holding onto his knees.

"Lee, let me take you to the hospital please, you're scaring me." you pleaded as you rubbed his back.

"No...no Jo...I'll be fine in a minute. No hospitals. I'm a doctor and..."

"I don't care! What you are right now is in pain and short of breath and possibly having a heart attack!"

He turned his head to look up at you. "Jo, trust me please, it's not. It's...happened before...you..you should know what this is...."

"Jesus Lee...an anxiety attack?? Ok...ok...just...breathe...in and out, slowly...that's it. I'm right here. Breathe baby...just like you told me to do."

Out of all the things you and Lee had in common, this was a most horrible one to have and you empathized with him deeply.

"Is it getting better?" you squeaked, almost ready to cry over seeing him in such a bad way.

"Yes...yes...the tightness and pain are diminishing. It helps when I bend forward, but you are what's mostly helping, just knowing you're here with me."

"Lee...why didn't you ever tell me about this?"

"Jo, the last thing you need is something else to worry about. I'll be fine. I just let things get to me too easily." he explained as he then was able to stand back up and breathe more normally.

"What I need is you!"

There you went, hands over your face to hide your ugly crying.

"Heyyyy sweet girl, come here, don't cry, don't cry. I'm ok." he softly said as he pulled you to him.

You slapped your arms desperately around him so fast and cried into his neck.

"Lee, what caused this? And don't tell me nothing. You just said things are getting to you. Is it Gordon? Elizabeth? Ethan?"

He kissed your forehead and then wiped your tears. "It's just all of it Jo. And the hospital thing and my dreams, Orlando, Dad, Jacob....."

"Alright, alright. Don't get worked up again. Let's go inside so you can lay down and rest. Do you have any chamomile tea? It will help. If not I can go down the road to the store real qui..."

"Jo...sweetheart...I just want you. You are all the only form of relief I need. Come on. I'll get some of this wood inside and rekindle the fire."

"Ok...but can I at least carry some of it?"

"Some? I thought you were going to carry all of it." he said with a sly grin.

"You're superman, remember?" you retorted and began picking up the firewood as he laughed.

"You're right. I am. Hold onto those tightly."

"What? Why..."

You squealed as Lee bent down and swiped your legs out from under you, whisking you up into his arms.

"Dum da da dummmm! Your hero is here Miss Lane. Fear not. I will save you." he said in an adorably deep voice and then went jogging up the path as you giggled the entire way. He was trying so hard to pretend he was alright and that's why that attack had happened, trying to be too strong for too long. Inside that beautiful giant was a scared little boy.

Lee went straight to the fireplace and added some wood as you rooted through his cupboards for some tea whether he liked it or not. Jackpot, you found some chamomile tea in a variety box and then found a kettle.

After filling it and placing it on the stove, you checked your phone while waiting for it to boil. Surprisingly, there were no texts or call from your mom....but you did have one call and voicemail. It was from Orlando sent while you were outside.

"Hey Josie...I don't mean to bother you. I just wanted to explain why I didn't come to the after gathering. I would have but I didn't think Lee wanted me there since he wasn't too happy about my presence at the funeral and....there are some...well, could we talk later...sometime...I just...I don't know.....I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have called. I hope you are alright...ok. Well...bye."

You stared at your phone for a moment with a perplexed expression. Orlando's tone was anxious, maybe even frightened...as if he really needed someone to talk to.

You quickly texted him back. "Hey, I just got your message. Are u alright? U sounded...off. Text me when u can ok? So I know you're alright."

As you looked up, you saw that Lee was not by the fireplace anymore and all was quiet. Out of concern, you looked around the corner. Lee was by the window with his back partially to you, texting someone. It didn't appear to be a happy one either judging by the way he jabbed at the keyboard.

Just then, the kettle began whistling, startling you, so you quickly went to pour his tea before he noticed you standing there.

Lee then came into the kitchen after hearing the sound.

"Little miss adamant found some tea I see." he said with a raised brow and a clever smile as he leaned against the archway with folded arms.

'I did. It's one thing I manage to do that involves a stove, although my mother may have a different opinion about that."

Lee chuckled and came up behind you as you stirred the tea, placing his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder as he watched.

"Thank you Jo...for everything. You're the only light shining through my windows."

You maneuvered your body in his arms to face his despairing eyes.

"I'll have you know that you are mine too."

You stepped onto his bare feet and stretched up onto your tippy toes as you wrapped your arms around his neck, offering him a tender smile.

"Lee...please know that whatever you're going through, you can talk to me, always. Whatever ails you, I'll do everything I can to help. You don't need to ever be afraid of me. There's nothing here to fear. You're safe with me. I love you...so much...every part of you, good and bad and..."

He cut your words short with a deep kiss, forcing a whimper out of you as you melted into his mouth. Lee had turned the music back on earlier and you couldn't believe your ears yet once again as a song began to play.

Lee began to move about in a slow dance with your feet on his as your kisses became more passionate. His hands caressed your back and ended up on the back of your thighs, hoisting you up onto him. While locked into his lips, you felt him walking and you ended up on the counter.

"Jo...my Jo...I..." he whispered as he stroked your cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Baby, what is it? What's wrong?" you asked with sad eyes searching his. You could tell he desperately wanted to tell you something. Was it about what you just saw that he mentioned nothing about?

"I just...I...love you too and..."

He paused and gazed into your eyes for a moment, then he pressed his lips back onto yours and pulled your hips into his. You felt his arousal as he grinded into you. Your core went crazy as it was set on fire instantly. His mouth worked it's way down your neck as you slid your fingers through his hair, softly panting against his ear.

You then found yourself lifting his shirt up, in which he took the clue and helped you rip it over his head, then he delved right back into your mouth with an intense moan. His hands wandered up the back of your shirt and unhooked your bra, then they found your breasts. His soft hands felt so good, you smacked your head back against the cupboard, releasing a heavy mewl as your nails ravaged his bare back.

Your shirt was the next to go as he slid it up and over your head, flinging it and your bra to the ground. His cock was so hard, it prominently filled his jeans, in which you then freed it as you unbuttoned and unzipped them. He helped you jimmy them down his thighs and then he went right for yours as your mouths became impassioned again. He tugged your jeans under your bottom and then pulled them off inside out. You yanked him back to you before he could even drop them.

"Lee...I..I want you so much...now, please." you heavily panted as you pinned him inside your legs.

Your pleas set him off and he thrusted into you.

"Ahhhhh!" you cried out, slamming your head back again as he released a hard grunt. There was no pain this time, only sheer pleasure as his cock was now perfectly molded into your extremely slick walls.

He now filled you entirely and began pumping you in hard bursts, making your eyes roll back. You were at a loss as to how anything could ever feel this good. This man and every part of him was made for you and you would never believe otherwise.

Suddenly, he picked you up while still inside of you and carried you to the couch, managing to perfectly lay you down without disengaging the magical union.

His kisses were sweet and sensual, yet so loving as his tongue made love to yours while he held your head in his hand.

The universe shuffled the music and sent you both another fitting tune as you and Lee rocked together to the beat.

Lee's breathing became stronger and desperate as his pace became slower while grinding into you as far as he could go. He was going to come and now, so were you as he nailed your sweet spot with perfection.

Your back arched up as the glittery stars burst before your eyes again, sending your hips into an involuntary bucking frenzy as you cried out his name. Lee lost it and slammed into you, bellowing out a deep groan that almost sounded painful as his sweltering cock fiercely released.

His mouth hovered open over yours as you both panted in ecstasy. When you and Lee had first made love, you cried in emotional joy and now this time, Lee had some leakage escaping the brims of his beautiful blue eyes.

"Heyyy, sweet guy. Are you ok?"

He smiled through his panting as his lips lightly quivered while you traced your thumbs under his wet eyes.

"I have never been happier in my entire life Jo. I love you baby, so fucking immensely. Happy tears, no worries my love."

You smiled so big and then pulled him into a kiss.

"Mmmmm." he moaned and rolled over beside you, keeping you snuggled in his arms. "Can we just lay here for eternity?"

"If that were possible, I would never leave, but unfortunately, life calls...BUT...I don't need to leave right away. Let's lay here for awhile. I love being in your arms....and I'm not going anywhere until I am certain you are alright...and you drink your tea...which is now probably cold."

He kissed your forehead and pulled a blanket over the both of you, then cuddled you tighter.

"I'm ok baby. I am more than ok right now. You make everything better."

You laid your head on his chest, listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat as he stroked your hair...and soon enough, you both dozed off in the peaceful afterglow.

@redeemer46

[sleepyweepypeaches]

Bnha ❥ How they react to their S/O give them head pats

Izuku Midoriya

• He actually enjoys them a lot

• They are very much welcome

• when you go to pat the top of his head he’ll meet you halfway with the biggest smile on his face

• give him a head pat after practice and tell him what a good job he did

• He’ll feel so much more proud of himself

• He’s an actual puppy

• He just kinda

• 💕✨💖💫💞🌟🥦🌟💞💫💖✨💕

• you know?????

• If you hold your hand slightly below he's height he’ll walk across the room just to nuzzle into your hand

• He does it mostly when you're upset

• He knows it makes you smile

• He would be so embarrassed if you did it in front of anyone though

• Its always been you twos little secret

• So when you did it in front of sensei Aizawa

• Izuku practically died from embarrassment

• Sensei Aizawa didn't even notice

Katsuki Bakugo

• He’s never let you pat his head

• ”what do you think your doing”

• ”I just wanted to give you a nice head pat”

• ”I'm not a dog dumbass. How would you like it if I pat your head and messed up your hair?”

• He gave you a soft head pats

• You loved every second of it

• He’d never admitted it but he liked them too

• They were nice, it was a way to show your affection without getting in anyone's personal space or getting to handsy

• Not that Katsuki ever had a problem with being too handsy when it came to you

• One day you two were taking a nap after a long day of training

• Thats when you found your chance to strike

• You gave him a soft head pat

• He unconsciously nuzzled into your hand

• He would let out a small whine if you stopped

• You never dared to tell him

• That was you and sleepy katsuki’s little secret

Shouto Todoroki

•He was confused at first

• ”what are you doing?”

• ”showing you affection”

• ”oh”

• He was really quiet and patient when receiving the head pat

• He was remembering when he was younger and his older brother would give him pats on the head

• It was a rare form of affection he received when he was younger

• So he really appreciated it

• He released how much he likes them

• There will be times when you'll be studying or talking to him about something and he'll just grab your hand and place it on his head

• He's done this so many times that he’ll just nudge you once and you already know what he wants

•He's kinda a brat about it

Eijirou Kirishima

• If he had a tail it would have flown off

• He's such a good boy, yes he is

• Head pats and head scratches

• Okay but seriously, he loves the feeling of your fingers running through his hair

• He'd drool in your lap for hours if he could

• ”Kiri, puppy, I love you but my heads are getting tired”

• ” mmmmmmmm- but babe it feels sooo good!”

• ” Okay, for a little while longer puppy. But only because I love you”

• He hums happily

• Katsuki is grossed out

• ” YOU GUYS IM RIGHT FUCKING HERE”

• Kirishima gives you head pats too

• His nice big hands are perfect for giving head pats

• Head pats are like kisses

• ” good morning beautiful!” head pat

• ” you're looking good today” head pat

• ” great job at training today” head pat

• Some times you can't make up your mind on if you want to give one another a head pat or a kiss

• Once you two were having a cute moment

• You went to give him a kiss on the lips

• And he went to give you a head pat

• You ended up kissing his chin

• You two laughed at it for a way too long

Hitoshi Shinso

• He’s fucking purring

• I-

• He-

• Wha-

• …

• Yes

• He was asleep smothering himself in your bosom

• It was time to get ready for school

• But you really wanted to let him sleep

• He hasn't sleep this well in a while

• You decided to pat him on the head softly

• If he didn't wake up then you would let him sleep

• And trust that sensei Aizawa already understand that Hitoshi had trouble sleeping

• You gave him a light pat and he let out a low hum that sounded a lot like a purr

• It was so cute

• He was still asleep so you just laid in bed with him for the day giving him head pats

• It was a little past one, so you were going to get something to eat for the two of you

• ” why'd you stop?”

• Hitoshi asked looking up at you

• ” Hitoshi how long have you been awake for???”

• ” scene eight”

• ” Hitoshi Shinso!”

• You couldn't help but laugh

• ” sorry kitten, I guess I got distracted. Lost track of time”

• He smiled at you

• ” okay well come on, let's get something to eat and hurry back here before someone sees us”

• You get more head pats then he dose

• He gives you head pats every day, all day

Mirio Togata

• He thought it was cute when you got on your tippy-toes to try and give him a head pat

• He had to bend over so you could reach the top of his head

• You came out of the experience more embarrassed then he did

• He asks you for head pats all the time after that

• He thought it was adorable

• “Kohai, I’ve kinda been having a tough day”

• “ Aww Mirio, I’m so sorry! Is there anything I can do to help?”

• “ there is one thing” (*￣∇￣*)

• “Oh” o(╥﹏╥)o

• When you struggle to reach his head

• he’ll grab you and sit you on his lap

• You let out a cute little yelp

• He chuckled and give you head pats instead

• You two snuggled for the rest of the day

• He’d rather spoils you with head pats

• Once he thought it'd be funny to use his quirk while giving you head pats

• His hand went straight through your head

• It actually scared you pretty bad

• You two laugh at the memory now

• You both give Eri head pats when you go see her, she loves them🍎💖✨

[thisiswhymomworries]

Week One

OK so let's start this off with some info stuff first, just for context since I'm on a form of T that seems to be less common

When: I started taking T on Friday, October 18th, so this is for 10/18/19 - 10/25/19

Testosterone: I'm using Androderm, which is a daily patch you stick on exactly like a nicotine patch

Dosage: 2 mg per day, although you can get them in 5 mg per day patches

Changes: Increased hunger, slightly increased acne

Yeah so I fucked up using these patches bc I read my prescription, the doctor's instructions, and ALL the fine print and none of it said FOR HOW LONG you wear the patch. So I was taking them off at night before I went to bed for this whole week, and they're 24 HOUR patches, sooo. This is week one on a half dose basically smh

So the only change I really noticed this week was that I got hungry sooner, more intensely, and more often. For context, going out to eat at a Mexican restaurant, I'd have to be careful not to get too full off of chips and queso before the meal. At the end of this week though, I went out to Ted's Mexican Café, ate half a basket of chips and a whole cup of queso, ate my usual amount of beans, rice, and chicken tamale, and THEN went out and got a single scoop ice cream sundae at Freddie's Custard

(more on the changes, patches vs shots, and comparison selfies below the cut)

That might not sound like a lot to normal people lol but I've struggled my whole life with ARFID (autistic sensory issues with eating and the vague stomach problems we all seem to have). Going on T hasn't made me any less of a "picky eater" or otherwise helped with the sensory issues of not tolerating strong tastes (spices), smells, or mouth feel (food texture), but it HAS let me eat normal proportions of the food I do like and not feel sick afterward.

The increased hunger has also resulted in my body sending CLEAR signals to my brain about when I'm hungry and when I'm full, versus previously my stomach would just hurt and that's all the info I got. Was I hungry? Hurt 😊 😊 😊 Full? Hurt 😊 😊 😊 Nauseous? Overheating? Anxious? HURT 😊 😊 😊

Now I can actually tell a difference between all of that and actually being hungry!!

So yeah, that might not really be trans-related, but goddamn has this one single change improved my life.

As for the acne, that was really just extra redness around the areas I tend to break out in during this first week, but I did get a large pimple and a few smaller ones in those areas once the second week hit

No bad side effects at this point either. I didn't have any mood swings, exhaustion, or nausea. The patches are kind of known for people having a bad reaction to them, like redness, swelling, and itching, but this didn't happen. Spoiler: I do get all that bullshit the second week, but that's also when the weather changed SUPER abruptly (literally from 90 to 60 to 30 in less than a week) and my skin always dries out, gets red, and starts itching during the winter, so I'm not quite ready to blame all of that solely on the patches

more info on them down below!

***

Patches technically give you the same amount of testosterone as shots, just applied daily instead of in a big dose all at once either every week or every two weeks, but the anecdotal wisdom is that the changes are less pronounced and/or happen more slowly. Gels and creams seem to be the same on that front, from what I've heard

I personally wanted to use patches instead of shots because I want slower changes to make sure I'm OK with the side effects. You can't pick and choose, and I'm not too excited about some of them, plus anything uncertain and/or changes in my life give me anxiety, so I'm actually happy with a possibly slower transition

Since patches are applied daily, that also keeps your T levels more stable, versus getting a big spike with a shot that slumps down over the next week / two weeks until the next shot. I didn't want a sudden jump in my hormone levels in case of mood swings, and again, I very much prefer slow, steady, and small changes over a longer period than a sudden big change

If anyone's interested, I can make another post about how I got a prescription for Androderm, how much it costs (it is a lot more expensive than shots), the coupon I'm using that makes it actually affordable ($95 for 60 patches), and all the bullshit doctor visits / insurance stuff

***

all right, I think that's everything, so I'll move on to making the Week Two post now! feel free to send me an ask or a message if you have any questions ^^

comparison selfies from the start of the week to the end of the week:

(friend next to me cropped out for her privacy)

[jinnieboo-blog1]

VIXX Hyung Line as college students

Based on my VIXX College Aesthetics :) I’ll be turning these into oneshots/imagines/fanfics soon ;) <3 I\ll do the maknae line soon too~

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N - (aesthetic here)

- majoring in either theater or performing arts

- probably a member of the dance club

- known to be the most fashionable student in campus

- super charismatic; everyone loves this guy except for maybe 5VIXX since it’s a love-hate thing between bros

- classy af like legit classy; always wearing preppy outfits and can still dance amazingly in a blazer and button up and all

- may seem like a diva at first, but is actually a sweetheart

- the type of student who likes to wake up really early to admire the sunrise

- and likes to watch the sunset

- needs to have coffee when studying; scented candles help him too

- very organized and neat notes

- you meet each other when you are both paired with each other in one of your classes

- you are intimidated by him at first, but then you realize that he’s actually not that bad and is really friendly and caring

- he can be kind of diva-ish, but you actually find it amusing

- you two just really get to know each other overtime, doing projects, homework and studying

- like dang he really admires your diligence and hard-working attitude

- and he thinks you’re beautiful but not as beautiful as him

- he likes to show you his collection of old books and is rather proud of them

- one day, while studying in the library late at night, you start getting sleepy and like are half asleep so N for some reason tucks your hair behind your ear, causing you to open your eyes and sit back up

- and you and N kind of just stare at each other until N leans closer and you’re like “OMG what” but before you can do anything, N has already started to softly kiss you

- and it only lasted a few seconds, so when he pulls away, you’re kinda like “Aaawww” ‘cause he has the softest lips ever

- you two are just grinning at each other like cuties and he apologizes for being  too sudden, and you tell him it’s alright ‘cause it’s not like you didn’t like it but you’re just so flustered and N just smirks there

- like he tells you how much he admires you and is just really captivated by you so you blush and tell him that you’ve felt the same and aaayyy you kiss each other again

- when you two start to date, everyone just knows you two as being a really sweet, old-fashioned kind of couple

- you know, hand-written letters, dates in coffee shops and the park, shopping together, matching classy af outfits, cuddling each other while reading

- he likes to give you lots and lots of hugs

- Ken is constantly clinging to you like a little child like “Thank you for dating N he’ll finally stop smothering us with his mother hugs etc etc”

- you just giggle but then N is like “nah fam I’m still gonna show you all some love”

- but then he really shows you the most love and spoils you a lot but in a good way

LEO - (aesthetic here)

- majoring in Education because bruh this boy loves kids

- part of the soccer team because mad soccer skills

- constantly eating nad hungry but he burns it all away after training and practice with the soccer bros

- needs coffee 24/7; like every single day he needs to have his daily dose of coffee

- very, very, very smart like wooow

- people are intimidated by him (and his height) and are afraid to approach or talk to him but deep down and to those who really know him, he’s really gentle 

- he can shut someone up though with just a glare so beware of this gentle giant

- doesn’t like to always hang around with a group, so he’s usually alone somewhere peaceful and quiet; usually chilling or reading somewhere in the school’s rooftop garden or something of that sort

- one day, you are sitting by the bleachers, studying your notes while watching the soccer team practice and Leo’s in a bad mood so he accidentally kicks the ball too hard and it goes flying straight to you

- and you get hit on the face and the whole team is like “oh shi-” and Leo rushes to you and apologizes a million times and feels sooo guilty

- it kind of hurt and you hold your nose to make sure it’s fine so you just laugh and smile, saying that it’s alright and it’s nothing serious

- but then Leo still feels really bad ‘cause he’s really just a sweet kitten, so he gently holds your wrist and moves it away from your nose and he just looks so upset with himself ‘cause your nose is now bleeding

- and you start to blush not because it’s bleeding, but because Leo, who is really handsome oh my, is so close and staring at your face

- and then he insists to take you to the clinic, but then you don’t want to hassle him, so you tell him it’s fine and he should go back to practicing so he reluctantly agrees

- a few days later, you bump into each other in his favorite coffee shop and he’s like “how’s the nose?” and you’re like “completely fine” 

- and then it’s just an awkward silence so you’re like no practice today? and he says that there’s none and so you ask “what brings you here?” and he says that this is his favorite cafe, and you’re like NO WAAAY ME TOOO

- and he just brightens up and shyly asks if you want to join him for coffee, so you say yes

- you two just talk about coffee and how you both have a soft spot for them kiddos and Leo is just really enjoying and you get to see the side of him that not many people see; ya know he’s really sweet and gentle

- so you’re like you’re not that scary, unlike what other people say and Leo’s like I appreciate it and he smiles gently and your heart just goes BOOM

- you two just develop a close bond and so one day, after practice when all the other team members go to the locker rooms to change and all, Leo goes straight to you at the bleachers and you like offer him some water and a towel

- and as he catches his breath, you just look at him with admiration but then he turns to you and catches you staring so he’s like ??? and you’re like NOTHING HERE LET ME and you grab the towel from him and use it to ruffle his hair

- but then he gently takes your hands in his and stares into your eyes like mhhhmmm and before you know it, he gently plants a kiss on your lips like it’s really quick and you’re like LEO?!

- and then he’s just shyly looking down and smiling, so you end up smiling and kissing him too

- when you date, it’s just such a cute, fluffy sight; he’s very protective of you

- you two like to go to your favorite cafe, cuddles in bed, lots and lots and lots of spooning and shy kisses on your nose

- like Hyuk is like “hyung has a girlfriend?????” and you’re like YEAHP and Hyuk is about to say something Hyuk-like, so Leo shoots him a glare so Hyuk’s like “NVM CHEERS TO THE HAPPY COUPLE”

KEN - (aesthetic here)

- majoring in arts 

- member of the art club 

- really funny and a huge dork that everyone loves because he’s a precious cinnamon roll and is constantly doing aegyo all over the place

- looks extremely good in glasses and a killer smile

- the type of student who falls asleep in some classes, but still manages to get really good grades because he is smart anyway also very good with art yes its his major ofc

- has doodles and drawings of anything that happens in his everyday life; even his notes in class have doodles

- has a variety of pencils and ballpens in assorted colors

- likes to study with a view, meaning when he studies, he likes to be by the window or somewhere where he can enjoy the view

- you don’t really know him personally, but in the classes you have together, he’s usually asleep. Or if he’s awake, you never get to talk to him because you think you’d get flustered and embarrass yourself because he’s too handsome and cute

- but one time, he leaves his notebook in class, so like you look inside and see his amazing drawings, so you run to find him, but he’s no longer in the area and so you make it your mission to return it to him because how could he lose something so amazing? and maybe you can finally talk to him

- days later, you’re at the doing homework for your art class and Ken and his friend Ravi make noise, but you don’t mind them but then later on, Ravi has left and Ken has nowhere to sit because most of the seats are occupied, so he goes to you and is like “is this seat available?” and you look up surprised but manage to nod so Ken happily takes a seat

- you don’t talk to him because omg he really is cute and you don’t know what to say until Ken is like “heyyy you’re in my art class right?” and you reply like “Yeah, I see you there too”

- so he offers his hand and is like “I’m Ken!” and you smile at the gesture and shake his hand and say “I’m y/n” and he grins like a puppy and is like “nice to meet yaa”

- then he sees your drawing for the class homework thing and he’s like WHOOOO AMAZING and you blush like, no no you’re much better and Ken is surprised like “how would you know tho” and he leans closer and squints at you playfully but you end up blushing more when you remember his notebook

- so you pull it out of your bag and tell him that he left it the other day, and Ken’s like YOU’RE A LIFESAVER and you just chuckle and tell him that he really is good and Ken goes all aegyo and it just makes you laugh

- and then he looks at your drawing and is like “the homework is to make a portrait of someone?” and you’re like “Yeah. I’m doing a portrait of my best friend” and so you show him the picture you’re basing it on and Ken’s like “WHOA IT IS SO ACCURATE”

- you’re like thanksss! Who’s your subject/model and Ken’s like hmmm you? and you’re like “excuse me? me?” and Ken says that it would be weird if he asked Ravi or Hongbin to be his model/subject so he begs you and does puppy eyes and all sorts of aegyo so you end up agreeing

- the following days, your’re just in his dorm room, admiring how surprisingly neat it is while Ken sketches you

- during this time, you two just get to know each other, throwing all sorts of jokes and sharing stories haaaaaa it’s just a really pleasant time

- sometimes you two just snack on chips and watch movies when he wants to take a break

- when the day the portraits are due, he meets you at the library and tells you that the professor was amazed, so you’re like congrats! and he’s like YEAH! but I couldn’t have done it without you! and you joke around like “well...that’s true. I am the best. You better love and appreciate me” and Ken is like “You bet you are! Thank you so so so much I love you!”

- and then you hear that slip out of his mouth and look surprised, and then he realizes what he said, and you both just go red and shy and stare at each other and you’re like “I was just joking about you loving and appreciating me!”

- then Ken suddenly goes serious and moves closer to you, pinning you against the bookshelf and is like “what if it’s not a joke?” and you’re like whaaat and Ken just kisses you out of nowhere and says “I do love and appreciate you”

- so you’re like asdghauiwglgl but then you two resume to making out right there like he’s reallyyyy kissing you and pulling you as close as possible and like your fingers are lost in his hair and yeah you get it

- dating Ken means lots of kisses even in public, so much PDA...SO MUCH PDA, hugs everywhere, dates at the amusement or water park