#but i also wanted to keep this to myself because

[gyaruhana]

please do one where Thanos starts off as your unlikely ally in the games, protecting you from danger and helping you survive. Over time, his protectiveness becomes obsessive, and he begins eliminating anyone he sees as a threat to keeping you by his side even as you start to notice his unsettling behavior you can’t escape his grasp🙏

Thanos/Choi Su-Bong - yandere bf

Synopsis: In an attempt to escape from Thanos, you join a game promising money that will help you escape him. Unfortunately, he also seemed to have joined the game.

A/N: I may have combined this with two other requests bc they were all so similar so.. i hope thats okay !!

Warning: yandere thanos, choking

If you had told your younger self you’d be in a game of death with 45.6 billion won up for grabs, you wouldn’t believe it. And yet, it’s true. After the tragedy that was Red Light, Green Light where many people met a rather unfortunate fate, you realized it’d be in your best interest to find someone you can trust and form an alliance with them.

Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend, Thanos, happened to also be a part of the games and had been watching you from a distance since he spotted you in the first game. You had originally wanted to get away from him because he was nothing but toxic though now it seems Thanos was one step ahead of you. That, or you just had terrible luck and Thanos decided to come here on his own accord. 

You didn't have time to think about it though because he suddenly got up and left his little group behind to make his way straight to you. He didn't seem happy at all. Perhaps it was because the last conversation you two had was an argument that was left off on a bad note. 

“Where have you been? Were you avoiding me? That makes me really fucking mad, you know,” he says as he grabs your wrist so you can't just walk away from him. Not like there was anywhere to go now. You were stuck with him here. 

“I was just taking some time for myself,” you respond defensively. You really just wanted to get away from him which is why you were here in the first place. Your original plan was to win some money and then disappear so you'd never have to deal with Thanos and his crazy behavior again. It was suffocating to be near him.

“Time for yourself? Don't fucking lie to me,” he says as he brings you closer to him. Nothing about him was gentle. Not his touches, or his kisses, or anything. “Well, you've had your time. You're not leaving my side now,” he continues as he looks down at you with a glare. He wasn't leaving any room for you to defy him. In his eyes, you belonged to him. You were his property and that meant you couldn't go rogue and do what you want. 

“You don't get a say in that,” you say as you lean back slightly to try to create some distance between the two of you. He lets out a bitter laugh before grabbing the back of your head, entangling his fingers in your hair, and forcing you closer. “Yes, I do. In case you forgot, you're stuck in a death game with me. Do you really think anyone else will help you? Nobody else here gives a fuck about you. The moment they get the chance, they'll let a bullet go through your head,” he says as he looks down at you with a slightly crazed look. 

You'd like to make a counter point but he’s not exactly wrong. A lot of the people here didn't seem to be trustworthy. Not like Thanos was any better but he probably wouldn't purposely kill you if you didn't piss him off, right? As much as you didn't want to, you realized you didn't have much choice. Unless you want to make an enemy right after the first game, Thanos was your only hope of surviving the rest of the games.

“That's better. Just keep your pretty lips shut and let me do the talking,” Thanos spoke with a slight smirk. You didn't respond to that knowing that you'd likely make some sarcastic quip that would piss him off if you did. You didn't have a choice this time. You couldn't run away to another country. You had to give in just this once.

You'd soon come to regret that decision. 

Somehow, Thanos had only gotten worse. He was always right next to you, no matter what. Either his hand would be over your shoulder or he'd have a tight grip on your waist. When it was lights out, he'd force you to sleep in the same bed as him. He'd kiss you all the time too but it was always rough with teeth clashing against each other and his tongue shoved down your throat.

You didn't notice it got worse until it was far too late. 

The moment of realization was during the third game. The game was called ‘mingle’ and it was simple enough. A number would be called out and you'd have 30 seconds to form a group of that number before getting inside one of the fifty rooms. 

Everyone stood on a circular platform in the center of the room and, per usual, Thanos had his arm over your shoulder, keeping you close to him as he spoke to his other stupid friend. The platform began to spin slowly as a childish song played. When the platform came to a sudden stop and a number was called out you formed a group and ran into a room. 

It was all going fine as you planned strategic moves and managed to keep on surviving. At least, it was going well. Until the last round when the number 2 was called. 

Thanos had immediately taken your wrist and dragged you towards a room, leaving behind his idiot friend without a second thought. However, the room was quickly stolen by two other players. You thought Thanos would just go to the next room over but that was not what happened.

Instead he pushed open the door and immediately grabbed one of the guys by their hair. He didn't think twice before he forced him out of the room. The other guy made an attempt to help but Thanos slammed him against the wall, his hand going around his throat as he choked him. The look in his eyes was far more scary than you remember. You could hardly process what was happening before the guy was punched in the face and pushed out of the room. 

Thanos pulled you in just before the door closed and locked. The sound of gunshots rang out soon after as Thanos huffed in annoyance. He looked guilt free despite the fact he was very much responsible for the death of two people. Actually, now that you really thought about it, he had killed other people in the previous games too.

Fuck. You were beginning to regret your choice of becoming his ally. You'd have much rather found someone else who could protect you from him because he was clearly fucking crazy. Crazier than he used to be. You thought he was just a manipulative, toxic bastard. You didn't think he'd be truly capable of murder. 

“Fucking dickheads,” Thanos mumbles under his breath with annoyance before glancing at your face. The corner of his lips quirked up when he noticed your expression and he wandered in front of you. “What? Something wrong?” He spoke though he already knew exactly what you were thinking.

“You killed those people,” you said as you looked up at him with a combination of fear and disbelief. He laughed in response before reaching a hand up and grabbing your face. “For you, baby. I fucking killed them for you,” he said as he looked down at you with a smirk. He found your expression such a turn-on really. The idea you were afraid of him meant you'd submit to him and that's all he wanted.

“You're fucking crazy.. crazier than I thought,” you spoke as you tried to step back and create some distance between the two of you. In response, he slammed you against the wall and got very close to you. 

“You're only just realizing this? You don't realize when I snapped the ankle of that bastard who looked at you so he'd lose? You didn't realize when our ‘friend’ and I returned but he had a bleeding nose?” He spoke as he got into your face with a dangerous grin. Well, when he said it like that, it became abundantly clear he had been killing and hurting people left and right since day one and all for you. You just had been too caught up in his behavior towards you that you didn't notice how he acted with others.

“Mm. Fuck, I love that look on your face. You're so afraid. Good. Because you're going to learn that you're mine forever, yeah?” He spoke as he brought a hand to your throat and squeezed it tightly. He let out a laugh as he choked you like it was the funniest thing in the world before slamming his lips to yours in a rough kiss. 

It was then you realized that, no matter how hard you tried to escape, you were his now - you always have been - and you will never taste freedom on your tongue again.

[fishtrouts]

I couldn’t resist the art vs artist trend!!! What a whirlwind of a year 2024 has been!

So many moments of joy and excitement, challenges to face! I feel like I’ve grown so much, both artistically and as a person. To me, this year feels like a breakthrough!

Art-wise, I got more comfortable with backgrounds, and they started appearing so much more often in my comics. It’s wonderful to look back on them and still feel proud of those panels. This year also saw the introduction of new dragon characters with diverse personalities and shapes! We witnessed Hopper and Swordfish slowly growing into sliiiightly more regal-looking wyrms, both in appearance and personality. My style has definitely shifted to a more mature and refined place. This feels only natural, and I can’t wait to see how my art and dragons evolve in the year to come!

In 2024, I also launched my very own store, a pin pack of Swordfish and Hopper, and a dragon plushie! I posted more often than I did last year, but it’s my hope and goal for 2025 to share even more consistently.

Creativity isn’t something to force, so I won’t be too hard on myself if I fall short of this goal. Instead, I want to keep working on finding a balance between my art and life. It’s an ongoing journey, and while I know I’ll never achieve a perfect balance (because life ebbs and flows), I can keep moving closer to a version of it that feels right for me.

Here’s to 2025!! And lots more dragons!!! Thank you for sticking with me on this journey!

[kedreeva]

A couple months back, my neighbor wanted to get some Spitzhauben hatching eggs for his wife, so he asked me for help finding some good ones, from a good breeder. So I dug around for a bit, since Spitz are a bit of a rare breed, and found a few options that looked decent. One of them happened to be in Michigan with us, maybe a little over an hour from us, so I arranged to go pick them up in person to avoid the stresses of shipping on the eggs.

I picked up a dozen (baker's dozen, she added a few extra just in case), and a half dozen of the Marans eggs for myself (she gave me a discount because fertility hadn't been tested yet, as long as I promised to report growth/hatch rate and update about what comes out) because she claimed to have good quality and her eggs looked to be decent quality. She was really nice, very chatty, and the eggs looked great in person, too.

12 of the spitz eggs hatched, and 3 of the BCM. The BCM chicks looked great but they were being stressed OUT by the quail chicks they were in with, so I snuck them into the brooder with the spitz when I closed up the neighbor's birds one evening while they were out.

I've visited them a few times since, and they've been looking good, but they're finally to an age where on the BCM you can tell sex- perfect ratio, one rooster, two hens.

Now, I used to keep and breed BCM a long time ago. I had wanted to get into showing (never got around to it for several reasons), and I'd dealt with several lines. My original line that I'd mixed from a couple different people always produced REALLY stellar roosters- big lads with sweet, docile personalities that were 100% ready to die for their ladies, whom they always treated well. For roosters, those are all REALLY important qualities. The ideal is a rooster that treats his ladies well, is willing to fight to the death to defend them if something comes after them BUT--- importantly can tell the difference between a predator and a human who is messing with the hens (picking up, moving, treating w/ meds, whatever). Ideally, if a hen makes a noise of distress, the rooster come BOLTING to her at top fucking speed ready to kick ass, but stops dead if he sees it's just a human. And I HAD that- I used to sell the roosters to folks (SELL them, I never had to give away a rooster) as flock protectors, and I would get people coming back to buy another after their guy died defending the girls while free ranging. It's sad, but it's also one of two reasons to have a rooster.

And I see all the time people posting about their mean roosters, about how to handle roosters that are mean to humans, or people telling others oh the rooster is just young and roosters are mean when they're young and they'll mellow out when they get older, just keep putting up with it. Power through.

NO! There is almost* NEVER a reason to tolerate a nasty rooster- one that's mean to the girls, or to humans. This BCM rooster is only a few months old, but you can already see the purpose that's been bred into him. I picked up one of his girls and she went :( and he came RUNNING over to see what was wrong, looked me up and down and went nah that's cool, and then checked on all the other girls. Just in case. I went to move them from their cage to the big play pen that's set up for them, and I thought oh this is going to be a circus, trying to catch them all. The Spitzhauben were acting insane, like I was trying to kill them by looking at them. I braced the carry bin on the edge of the door, expecting to reach in to (try to) grab each bird and put them in. But no. This rooster walked over, got in, called the others, and they all chilled right out, came over and jumped into the bin with him. He's in the playpen right now just watching over all the others. If someone gets into an argument, he runs over and gets between them, and then checks on them both after. When he lies down, the others come lie down with him. On him.

THIS is what a good rooster looks like. Not in a year, not in two years. Right from the getgo, the instincts are all there. Hormones shouldn't eliminate/supercede this behavior- they shouldn't turn a bird into an asshole. They should instigate a second set of rooster behaviors- dancing/courting, tidbitting, and mating attempts. Running girls ragged, pulling feathers, causing injury, attacking people- these are all poor breeding and/or handling problems. These are things that can (and SHOULD) be selected against when breeding fowl

*The "almost" never is that a breeder starting out may not have a choice when it comes to shitty personalities- they may find themselves having to tolerate the least shitty for a few generations, until the personalities show improvement. In this case, most (good) breeders know better than to dump the wash outs on the unsuspecting, and will instead do hard culls for food or sell to folks raising food or who are aware of the personality problems. In any case any tolerance should be an in-progress tolerance, not an endgame result.

[kirby-the-gorb]

[plaidos]

I have no particular dog in this fight as I'm not a GF superfan or anything, but I would like to question a bit of your analysis.

I think you're right that the version of GF where Dipper is transmasc makes Mabel's canonical actions transphobic.

I would like to question the insinuation that those same actions would've been "normal sibling rivalry" (?!) were Dipper closeted transfem or even cismasc, as opposed to "worst sister ever" (!?) behavior. Especially if we're going with transfem Dipper, those incidents of bullying remind me much more of patterns of bullying against transfeminine people, and intersex people CAMAB (such as myself) that I've personally witnessed/experienced.

Also, to the idea that Mabel being transphobic fundamentally changes her character in some way. Like, sometimes characters we're supposed to like hold a bigoted attitude which they will unlearn over the course of the story. Sokka from Avatar and Weiss from RWBY come to mind. Mabel being one of those characters doesn't fundamentally change her storyline or arc.

you’re right, Mabel’s actions and teasings are still mean with a transphobic undercurrent — even if Dipper is a dyadic cis boy, to be honest. but she’s also a twelve year old born in 1999. i too have received the kind of bullying associated with the way Mabel acts towards Dipper about his gender, but i’ve also had similarly “jokes” from loved ones who didn’t realise how shitty they were being because they didn’t have the political framework to analyse what is fucked up about it.

but if we’re reading Dipper as transmasc, it’s like… everybody he knows is accepting enough of his identity to gender him correctly, but they’re still totally willing to say things to him that you would categorically know are bigoted even at that age. like a twelve year old cisgender girl who knows about trans people and respects their existence might not realise how needlessly callous she is being when she teases her (seemingly) cisgender brother for having “girly” interests, but that same cisgender girl would probably be able to identify that her openly transgender brother wouldn’t want to wear makeup and that it would be incredibly fucked up to make him. i’m not saying it’s “right” but Mabel needs to actively Be A Transphobe (rather than just having some twelve year old cis girl ideas about gender & masculinity) to treat Dipper the way she treats him if he is openly transmasculine, but I feel like there’s more of a plausible deniability. i feel like the Mabel we see in the show is a couple years away from being like “wow, that was spectacularly mean of me, i hope that didn’t have an effect on Dipper’s self worth”

i feel like if (in the crazy alternate universe where this is possible) there were an episode where Dipper came out as transfem after feeling hurt by Mabel’s jokes she would be really torn up about it. she’d say something like “i’m really sorry, i didn’t know you felt so strongly about gender… i thought we were just joking around but i should be paying more attention to how you feel, Dipper…. wait, maybe you don’t want to be called Dipper any more. Oh no I AM a bigot!!!” and then Soos would come in and be like “heheh. total hatecrime dude” and then we’d cut to Bill being like “i don’t care what gender you are pine tree… i’m gonna get that GIRL if it’s the last thing I do” except girl would be obviously ADR’d over in Alex Hirsch’s normal voice with his live action mouth over Bill’s animated mouth

also transfeminine Dipper has just always made more sense. the big argument was that he uses a nickname instead of his birth name which he keeps a secret. and that would make sense if Dipper had a girl’s name, but Dipper’s birth name is “Mason”. so he actually is choosing to not use a male name and instead use something gender neutral, even though he really loves matching with his twin sister & having matching names is a family tradition — so he probably has a pretty big reason to not use it, considering he still doesn’t even with all the reasons he has to.

[muscle-gods-only]

I’m the night shift manager at the local gym. Here in our small town, our gym closes at 9 PM and closes at 5 AM. Those are also my hours. When I arrive at 9, I take care of restocking the retail area and anything else that needs to be done. Then I workout from 9:30 to midnight (I reorder and put away the weights as I workout and I clean the machines as I use them). After that I rest (I have a cot to nap in) and eat. From 2 AM until 4 AM I work out again, then I clean, search the whole building for hidden stashes of juice/gear and prepare the gym for opening. I usually stay for half an hour to an hour to help morning shift get through the morning rush. These guys that work at my gym have seen me morph myself from a tiny little pip-squeak into the massive god you see before you. I have become so big so fast that not everyone in town knows how big I am yet. I mean just the other day, I took my car to the service station and my old school bully came out to fill my car. He didn’t even recognize me at all. In fact a minute after I left he called telling me to call my bank because the gigantic monster of a man had it. He said the he knew that he was supposed to keep it, but, well as he said “ This gigantic muscular monstrous beast was absolutely terrifying! No human can be this big or strong. Whatever he was, he was a total freak of nature! It’s best to let the police and bank handle it. I mean, I a big guy, but this dude could crush me like a tomato! You don’t want to upset this unholy creature!” As he went on, I got harder and harder, eventually when he mentioned that he was scared, I got a wet spot! So I changed my pants and went down there. He started to run away from me when he saw me. I called his name. He stopped and I told him who I am. “Shit you are big! I didn’t recognize you. Please don’t kill me! I did horrible things to you and I am so very sorry!” He exclaimed. I walked closer to him and said, “Look, that’s water under the bridge. Most of the scars have healed. I need to know why? What did I do?” He told me that his dad beat and demoralized him constantly and thought that he wasn’t man enough. He said that I was smart, funny and that my face was cute. I thought: oh he must be gay and his old man doesn’t like it. It turns out that I was right. I told him that instead of beating him up, I should hug him. He hugged me and we both healed a lot. I think I have a new boyfriend and lifting partner!

[vickytaa]

𝕯𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘? 𝕻.2.

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔶: A new video in collaboration with Sam and Colby, where the group enters an abandoned church full of mysteries. What starts as an exciting adventure quickly turns into a nightmare. Y/n will have terrifying nightmares and must fight her fears after entering the darkness. Part 1.

"She... The girl was one of the few people who saw a nun, even though the place is abandoned. Some say they couldn't stop seeing her when they looked in the mirror, others say it was just that moment, and others say they stopped seeing her but strange things happened around them. What they did notice was that there was a kind of pattern, when the person was afraid, the nun's curse was even stronger, as if..."

"As if it was feeding on fear." Colby finished.

My body began to shake desperately, fear coursing through my veins. I tried to look at Matt, who was also scared but was trying his best not to break down there.

We all looked at each other, knowing that the best thing was to keep me company. "Honey, you..." Matt tried to calm me down, but I interrupted him, "Stay with me. Please, Matt," I begged, grabbing his shirt as if I would die if I didn't.

Matt hugged me tighter as I rested my head more and more against his chest. "I was scared, Matt." He pulled away a little, but just enough to see my face. My eyes were full of panic, even though almost an hour had passed since the incident. It broke him to see me like this, because normally I was the strong one, the brave one, but now? now I was scared.

"It's okay, sweetheart. You're with me now, I'm not going anywhere." Matt said. The words hung in the air as I tried to reach them, to believe them. I knew Matt wasn't going to leave my side, but I was scared of what might happen. What if I go back to the darkness?

Matt sat me on his lap, to have me even closer, showering me with small kisses to try to calm me down. My body began to tremble as my mind replayed the scenarios over and over again, each time feeling more real. I tried to push those thoughts away to drown myself in Matt's love and security.

Another hour passed, and the event was almost forgotten, at the back of my mind. I was laughing at a joke Matt made to make me feel something other than fear. "Matt, I think... I think we should continue with the video," I said, now sure that nothing else was going to happen.

Or so I thought...

We started looking for the others until we found them about to do the 'Estes method' where the person doing it is blindfolded and listens to words coming out of a 'special' radio, through headphones.

It was my favorite part of Sam and Colby's videos, but I still felt a little scared to get back into the game. So, when they asked who was going to do it, I immediately said no.

"I'll do it," Matt said, "I'll go with you," Chris followed. We all agreed and started with the method.

"If any person or being is here with us, please communicate through the devices," Colby said.

Silence.

"I repeat, if any being is here with us, communicate through these devices."

Silence, again.

We all started asking questions every now and then, but with no answers, as if neither Chris nor Matt could connect with the entities here.

Few insignificant words came out despite the long time they were there. Colby touched Chris's shoulder while I touched Matt's.

When they took off the equipment, we explained that it hadn't worked well, and they replied that we could try again. Despite the fear, I didn't want to miss out, for me, the best part of the video, so I decided to be brave and offered to do it.

At first, everyone hesitated, but after insisting a little more, they let me.

I sat in the wooden chair, with the headphones and blindfold on. Matt rested his hand on my thigh to assure me that he was there.

"Death," I heard the neutral voice from the headphones, "Death," I repeated exactly the same, interpreting the tone.

"Father," "Father."

The words weren't making much sense, but I was sure they were answering the questions the others were asking.

Shortly after, I heard a small, gruff laugh, which made me jump a little in fear, as I felt it in my right ear, as if a man was there. "A small laugh, like an adult man," I said.

The meaningless words quickly reappeared, "Fire," "Broken," "Eight," among others.

Suddenly, that gruff-voiced man's laugh was heard again, "The man's laugh again," I said, now a little scared, since normally words or things don't repeat.

Matt's hand was still there, motionless, squeezing my leg every now and then.

The radio went silent, no more words came out of there, until a deep voice said, "Are you afraid of the dark?"

My body tensed quickly, my hands began to shake. It was the same voice as before. I'd had enough.

I desperately took off the headphones and threw them on the floor. My hands traveled to the back of my head, to untangle the knot and take off the blindfold. I quickly opened my eyes, and there...

There was nothing.

Only darkness.

"No, please, not again!" I started to scream desperately, the air trapped in my throat. My eyes filled with tears and poured down my face. My head was killing me, and I slowly started to feel dizzy, my legs were slowly giving out and my heart was getting tired of beating.

I closed my eyes but quickly opened them at the feeling of being shaken. "Y/N!" Matt said, his face was practically inches from mine, but I could read his panic from miles away.

My mind was clouded, as I did nothing. The tears were falling down my face, but I couldn't feel them anymore. Nor did I feel that warmth of Matt when he hugged me.

I was exhausted. My legs felt like I'd run a marathon, and breathing was as hard as if I were at the top of the highest mountain.

"Let's go home," Matt said, hugging me and carrying me to the car. I wanted to stay there to finish the video they'd been planning for months, feeling guilty for ruining it, but at that point, I was so weak I couldn't even form a word.

Matt said goodbye to everyone and took me to the car. He quickly started it and began to drive. The tiredness was killing me, and since I got tired of fighting it, unfortunately, I lost and fell fast asleep.

The softness and comfort of my bed woke me up. "Matt..." I tried to look for him but my eyelids were too tired to open.

"I'm here, love. Let's sleep," Matt said, gently wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me as close as possible.

Hours passed and the tiredness never came. I really tried to fall asleep, to follow Matt, but I just couldn't.

I decided that the best thing to do would be to get some water and go back to bed, it was simple and quick, right?

Right?

The scenes of today were in the back of my mind, while the glass of water was in front of everything. I slowly got out of his embrace and got up to go to the kitchen. The house was silent, which indicated that Nick and Chris hadn't returned yet. I felt a little bad for ruining their video, but I also didn't want to stay there to continue suffering.

The lights were off, a cold breeze passed, sending shivers down my spine. There was a strange tension in the air, as if something was going to happen, but I decided to ignore it.

I grabbed the glass and poured myself some cold water, trying to calm my nighttime thoughts. I was already out of there, I was with Matt, there was nothing to worry about. Or was there?

I turned to leave the glass on the counter, and there I saw her.

Kneeling in front of me, the nun again.

Panic and fear ran through my veins. I was frozen, not knowing what to do. I dropped the glass on the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces, but I couldn't hear it anymore, I could only hear the nun's sobs, getting louder and louder.

"Matt! Matt, please!!" I started to scream desperately, but for some strange reason, I couldn't hear anything. No matter how hard I screamed, nothing came out of my mouth.

I grabbed my throat in desperation. My eyes wide open, I watched as the nun slowly stood up in front of me, clearly towering over me.

Her burned hands detached from her face, moving slowly towards my neck.

Tears streamed down my eyes without stopping, my body completely frozen, all my strength trying to scream or get something to wake Matt up, but nothing helped.

The nun's hands, cold and dusty, began to squeeze my throat, cutting off my breath.

This was it, there was nothing else to do. All my strength spent, my soul slowly leaving my body.

𝕴 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘.

𝐕 -

[lychgate]

i haven't posted a really poorly drawn thought piece adventure in years so here's a brief update!

hope i hit the read more thing right oh well anyway:

"Spent a lot of time applying for a home loan. I had to pay -fucked up- to have a convincing income for a decent loan. It was very confusing but cody helped me a lot."

"Cody proposed to me It felt wonderful that someone wanted to share their time and love with me. Cody proposed Anthrohio weekend, it's the con we really met at."

"We saw the listing that sunday morning before we had to go to our table to vend."

"It was a perfect house. We were the first people to view it and we immediately put in a bid. And we got the house. Many papers to sign."

"Moving was not easy. It took 2 whole months. Cody was out of town helping their grandma recover from a big surgery and we had to sell their old house/move that as well as move from my apartment. ALSO THE PETS: My cat dick wolf + Cody's 3 birds. Until we could get some doors installed and separate the house, I had to live between two places every day to feed and care for them."

"Still, life was good. I bought my first house! It has a swing in the backyard. I've never had my own backyard. I've never even lived somewhere that had trees (in said yard) It felt nice. Living together with the love of my life and 4 pets."

"Through all this i never closed my shop. How could I? It was my income, and I just bought a house. It needed to stay open. Moving that much inventory, setting up a new office, the house is a nice size but it's not huge, so, very careful organizing had to be executed if I wanted my apparel laid out right. (Which I totally managed to do)"

"but i Did get really good at baking pies. the two are connected."

"sacred_crow on instagram!"

"there's like 25 of u bastards i would absolutely die for, and about 75 more that i would go nearly dead over."

"We have an extra bedroom so I got to turn it into a toy room. There's games, crafts, stuffed animals, movies, a sick loft I painted the shit out of. It rules. It brings me a lot of Joy."

"Under the loft we have a dug out where we can watch VHS tapes. I love to sit with Cody and watch movies and play Donkey Kong."

"I am not good at Banjo Kazooie, but Cody is. Cody is so talented. I love watching them play games. (Depicted is not banjo kazooie but donkey kong country 2 as we are currently playing that. I'm good at DKC but I will still swear and make sounds like im about to throw up)"

"Half the basement is finished, so we turned it into a dual office space. It rules. Cody has a whole side for fursuit crafting, and my side is mostly my gigantic gamer computer area/shipping area. I took a whole wall to put all my non apparel merch like pins charms and notebooks also. for hte love of god someone buy the notebooks they take up more space then i wanted"

"I love to look over from my computer and see cody working. They always look so focused, yet peaceful."

"It's winter but it rains. I miss the snow. I lived by the lakes growing up. I miss piles of snow. It's just wet and cold here. Yes i'm quite aware of global warming"

"I got kicked off both my health and car insurance. I fixed the car one but health insurance still no. All my meds have gone away. The past few months have been hard. I think way too much lately. I can't get myself to do anything. -this is a whole page of downer bullshit and i cropped it!-"

"We had a leaky ceiling that took a month to fix. Cody did all the work because they are smart and kind."

"Oh yeah I had my uterus removed earlier this year. They let me keep it. It's in a jar in my living room."

"We threw a very nice halloween party. I was the green m&m. Cody was the monarch."

"We adopted 8 beautiful kiwis from a crane machine at the mall. we spent over 100 monies to get them but it was worth it."

"

It was a rough year. My health is in decline. Our country may try to end my life for being trans soon (lol?) I am in hte middle of a colossal mental breakdown of my core fundamental behavior (depression advanced) BUT ALSO: I am engaged to my favorite person. We bought a house together. I'm beginning a new chapter of my life. I have a swing in my backyard. The negatives suck but there are also many positives. The cycle of emotions is immense, but there is beauty in it. There is beauty in life, and isn't that wonderful?"

[lucy90712]

Finding out you’re pregnant

A/n: Happy new year guys. As promised for the new year this is the start of a pregnancy mini series. New parts will be out when I can get them done hope you enjoy ~ Lucy 

Gavi: 

Over the past week or so I haven't been feeling right I've felt nauseous most days and just overall not myself. I have also missed my period which only really points to one thing but I don't want to believe it. Pablo and I are still so young sure we've been together for nearly 3 years now but having kids isn't something we've talked about much. We both want them but it was always an in the future thing so for it to maybe be happening now has me panicking. I know I should take a test to find out for sure but I'm scared because once I know the result it becomes real and if I'm pregnant I have to tell Pablo. 

Today though I feel like I can't put it off anymore I have to find out and deal with the consequences whatever they are. I can't do it alone though so I went out and got a test as Mikky is coming over with Miles and I figured she'd be a good person to have around when I find out as she's been through it all. When she arrived I told her how I'd been feeling and my plan and she was encouraging me straight away telling me that everything would be fine. After I took the test she waited with me and even looked at the result first as I was too scared even though I already knew what it would be. Once my suspicions were confirmed and I knew I was pregnant the conversation turned to how to tell Pablo, Mikky suggested doing something simple like just giving him the test in a box so that's what we set up. 

When Pablo finally got home Mikky left leaving just the two of us. Being alone with him I felt so nervous I mean what is he going to think he doesn't often get mad at me but I can see this being one of the rare times he does. Surely he doesn't want to be tied down by a baby when his career is just starting out I know he wants to enjoy being young but I don't know if he can do that for much longer. 

"Are you ok you've been extra quiet ever since I got home" Pablo said 

"I'm fine but I have something for you" I said handing him the box 

"You're pregnant" he whispered clearly shocked 

"Yeah I am and I know we said we weren't ready for kids so I'm sorry and I get if you want nothing to do with me now" I rambled

"Hey it's ok I'm actually really excited we're starting our own family sure it's sooner than I imagined but I can't wait to see this baby grow" he said giving me a kiss which made me feel a lot better 

Pedri: 

Pedri and I have talked about having kids. Starting a family is something we both want but neither of us are quite ready yet or at least we weren't but now we might have to be. I've been feeling quite sick the last few days and straight away my mind went to the day Pedri and I weren't as careful as we usually are which of course has come back to haunt us. I wanted to ignore it and at least wait for my period to be late but Pedri wanted to know now and I'm not going to say no. 

To find out we needed a test as I don't keep them on hand as we are always careful so I don't keep tests for emergencies but maybe I should. Pedri wanted to come in the store with me but he also didn't want us to be seen and for someone to put our business all over social media. So it was just me who went in wearing sunglasses and a mask so no one recognised me either. It was so nerve wracking buying the test especially when the cashier wished me luck I felt like a teenager sneaking around behind their parents back. On the drive home Pedri held my hand the entire way trying to help calm me down which was a sweet gesture but it didn't really help. 

Back in the comfort of our own home I went straight to the downstairs bathroom to take the test. Pedri stood with me as we waited the 5 minutes for the results his arms were around my waist and my head rested on his chest as I thought about what the result might mean for us. It all feels like a lot but having Pedri there made me feel a lot better as it felt like we were truly in this together. The timer I set scared the both of us as we were in our own little world but quickly we were brought back to reality. As I went to flip the test my hands were shaking so Pedri put his hand on top of mine and we flipped the test together. Two very obvious lines stared back at us both which I thought would make me feel nervous but I was actually overwhelmed with excitement. 

"I can't believe it I'm actually so excited" Pedri said 

"Me too I thought I'd be more scared but I'm actually so happy" I said 

"Clearly we were ready to take this step and just needed the push to realise it" he said 

Jude: 

Jude has always said he doesn't want kids and I was on board with that as having kids isn't something I've ever been crazy about. It isn't something I ever ruled out completely as you know people can change their minds but in my mind that was at least 5-10 years in the future if ever. Recently though I've just felt off like somethings not right so when my period was a few days late my mind went straight to the worst case scenario. Any normal person would probably tell their partner and they would figure it out together but I'm terrified to tell Jude in case he leaves me as he has made it very clear multiple times that having kids isn't something he wants. 

This fear is exactly why I went and got a test and took it on my own without anyone knowing. I could've talked to one of my friends but I didn't want anyone to possibly let it slip to Jude as I need to be the one to tell him. Of course the result was exactly as I feared it would be I was very much pregnant. I cried for hours after I found out as I knew I had to tell Jude and deal with whatever the consequences will be which will probably end with me doing this alone when Jude ultimately decides to leave me. Realistically I should've told him that day to get it over with but I couldn't handle it mentally so I put it off. 

It has now been over a week and I am still hiding this big secret from Jude, I have wanted to tell him I really have but the right moment hasn't come up yet. He is starting to get a bit suspicious though as he keeps asking me if I'm ok and giving me weird looks when I say I'm fine. As I've waited so long I've built up this moment so much that I'm so scared for it to actually happen. 

"Hi love how are you?" Jude asked as he arrived home from training 

"I'm good how was your day?" I asked back 

"What's up with you I can tell you are keeping something from me please just tell me what it is whatever's wrong we can figure it out together" he nearly begged 

"Please don't be mad but I'm pregnant" I finally blurted out 

"Wow that's not what I was expecting" he said 

"I'm sorry just please don't leave me" I cried 

"I'm not going to leave you I promise I just wasn't expecting that I know I said I didn't want kids but for some reason I feel different with you I'm ready to step up and for us to do this together I'm actually kind of excited" he said 

"I love you" was all I managed to say 

"I love you more" he said 

Joao: 

Joao and I have been together for a few years and engaged for a year now and after moving to London we had a discussion about our future together and ultimately we decided that both of us were ready to take the next step and start a family. Even though we said we were ready we agreed that we didn't want to rush the process at least not right now so we wanted to take a more casual approach. I stopped taking my birth control but I haven't been tracking my cycle or doing anything special as I'm under the impression that it will happen when it happens. 

Over the past few weeks I've been feeling really ill I just have no energy and I have been feeling nauseous most days. To start with I just got on with my life as I thought it was just a little cold or something but as time has gone on and I've not got any better I realised it must be something more. Joao made me call off work the past few days to rest and see if that makes me feel any better but that hasn't helped either. After another day of barely leaving our bed Joao suggested I take a pregnancy test just to be sure as then if it's not that he will definitely make me go to the doctors. 

Luckily I have pregnancy tests in the bathroom for situations like this so Joao helped me out of bed and I took the test with him waiting for me right outside. I sat the test on my bedside table and we just waited. Joao had me sat in his lap on the edge of the bed stroking my hair but we sat in silence while I thought about whether I could actually be pregnant. It hasn't been long at all since I stopped taking my birth control and I didn't think it would happen this quickly but if it did that would be really exciting. The 5 minute timer Joao set passed rather quickly and suddenly it was time to learn if our lives will be changed forever or if I'm just really run down. 

"I'm pregnant" I said not quite believing what the test in my hand read

"I can't believe it who knew it would happen so quickly" Joao said 

"I know we haven't even been trying properly" I said 

"At least we know why you have been feeling so awful now" Joao laughed 

Ruben: 

Ruben and I have been trying for a baby for almost a year now. To start with we were trying more casually but then I started tracking my cycle and we did things properly but that didn't work either. We have tried every tip and trick and still no positive pregnancy test. There has been times that I've had symptoms like nausea and I've even been late on my period a few times but still every month I'm greeted with a negative test. It's been hard as I want nothing more than to start a family with Ruben and I just feel so useless that I can't get pregnant like every other woman I know can. 

Again this month I've had some symptoms like being extra tired and not liking food I usually love but I don't want to get my hopes up as I've been in this position before and only been let down. It's always difficult not to get a bit excited at the prospect of finally being pregnant but I don't think I can handle another disappointment at least not night now. The amount of times I have wanted to just give up have only increased especially recently, this whole process is just making me feel awful and I don't know if it is worth it especially right now. 

Ruben wants me to take a test again and I can see why but I've been putting it off to avoid the disappointment. I promised him that today I would take a test but we agreed that if it was negative that we'd take a break from trying and I wouldn't take another test for a while just to protect my mental health. Of course Ruben came back from training super excited but I just can't get myself to feel the same way. Despite that I still took the test and just gave it to Ruben as I simply don't want to see the one line I've become accustomed to seeing. 

"I-it's positive" Ruben chocked out a few minutes later 

"What?" I questioned 

"It's positive we're going to have a baby" Ruben said handing me the test so I could see for myself 

He wasn't wrong there was two clear lines on the test. Neither of us could stop the tears from flowing as Ruben picked me up and spun me round which made me feel quite sick but I couldn’t care less I was just so happy this nightmare has finally ended with the result we wanted. 

[superlark]

I made a game!!!!! You can play it here: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1091414922/

This is the first time I've tried Scratch! It started because I was bored last month at work and decided to draw a little snowboarding cat in libresprite because I missed snowboarding so bad... And then it became the character in this Scratch project.

I'm pretty bad about finishing projects even though I'm very good at starting them so I wanted to challenge myself to try this and finish a whole project before the end of 2024 and I did it! I worked on it for a few minutes here on November weekends but did most of it in the last 3 days on my winter holiday.

It started with doing the sprites and figuring out how to change the frames to make animations, and then how to blend one animation to another (idling to jumping and back). After that I figured out parallaxing backgrounds, and random tree generation. Finally it was learning how to make a collision system that didn't break everything, how to keep proper score, do UI, and display variable text (extremely stupidly).

Up until 3 days ago, this game was about avoiding obstacles... Until I tried to think of a name for the game and I landed on Stump Stomper, which implied... stomping on the obstacles instead of avoiding them, so I changed the entire objective and collisions system HAHA...

I'm not entirely new to writing code but I think in some ways, the limitations of Scratch blocks made it a little harder (but maybe also easier in other ways). As expected, it was very frustrating when nothing would be working, but also the high of something that DID work or a problem that did got solved... unbeatable god-like feeling, yippee!!!!

[taffywabbit]

oops i accidentally wrote a review for zelda II: the adventure of link

(originally posted to Cohost on Feb 22, 2024. you can ignore this if you want, i just wanted it archived somewhere before that site disappears)

Finally beat Zelda II for the first time last night (I forced myself to finish it before starting Splatoon 3's Side Order DLC, because I knew if I didn't push through to the end of the Great Palace THIS time then it'd be years before I tried beating it again. This is probably my 4th or 5th attempt at this point). Not that this is a particularly hot take by most people's standards, but I don't think it's all that good, at least from a gameplay standpoint.

I don't regret playing it though, because I think I'm finally able to put my finger on the stuff I actually disliked about it vs the stuff that was honestly fine, or even (very rarely) actually good? I'm kinda fascinated by it, honestly. Sequels where they immediately screw around with the first game's formula (to mixed results) are neat! FE Gaiden is another example that comes to mind (hey they should give Zelda II the Shadows of Valentia treatment, that could be really cool actually).

Obviously Zelda II has a reputation for being kind of a rough experience. It's an NES game, and NES games are often susceptible to being frustrating, buggy, hard to control, or overly punishing. Sometimes, all of the above! And for what it's worth, the original Legend of Zelda was a tough and sometimes very cryptic experience as well. But I feel like the two games are challenging in drastically different ways, and I think TLoZ ended up being the formula that was retained in the long term primarily because its method of challenging the player overall did a better job of inspiring curiosity and exploration. Despite narratively being a direct sequel (with a really badass story premise that is unfortunately not really conveyed at all in-game) Zelda II took a different approach to nearly every element of the original's gameplay, which is a pretty bold move I suppose. Whether or not it succeeds at anything is fairly subjective, but it's undeniably had a lasting impact on the series, as well as the people who grew up with it (and then they went on to make some really excellent mid-2000's flash games inspired by it that I frankly enjoyed a lot more than this... and also a weirdly solid licensed Adventure Time game on the 3DS? I should go back and play that sometime, it's really fun).

Where to start with this...? Uhhh, the EXP-based leveling system where you choose what stats to put your points into is interesting! It creates a risk-and-reward system for fighting enemies instead of avoiding them, whereas in most other Zelda games besides BotW/TotK, the only reward for killing monsters is "they are no longer bothering you while you solve puzzles, and also sometimes they drop rupees/hearts/ammo". It also introduces a bit more player choice in what areas you'd like to get stronger in first, which is cool! I just wish it actually mattered in a way that let you feel powerful for even a moment. Instead, leveling Life (which is functionally just defense) is never enough to actually make you feel like you can afford to take a hit - the expectation seems to be that leveling Attack, Life, and Magic is something you do purely to keep up with how badly every single thing in this game wants to stomp you into the ground and soak up a million hits and waste all your magic. You CAN skip out on leveling one stat to prioritize another, or even try to evade tough combat situations entirely, but if you aren't leveled enough and in the exact things the game expects you to be WHEN it expects you to be, you'll immediately bump into some new asshole who jumps out of nowhere and can cut you down in 2-3 hits. Leveling doesn't make you tangibly stronger, it merely keeps the game barely playable.

This actually ends up being the core problem I have with Zelda II's design, far more than just the combat being clunky and overly punishing or the levels being visually samey and super hard to navigate. In most Zelda games (and also in a lot of other RPGs!), you get a better sword or a new power or item, and it opens up exciting new options for both exploration and combat. In Zelda II, you level up or earn a new item/spell, it's useful for maybe 20-30 minutes, and then it's immediately nullified. Wow, you got the Fire spell! Now you can finally deal with Tektites and Basilisks (which are immune to all other attacks) on the way to the next area! Well, I hope you had fun with that, because Fire doesn't work on most things you run into afterwards.

Easily the biggest game-changer is when you unlock the Downward Thrust sword technique, and finally have another option for combat besides just crouch-hopping and poking monsters with a dull butter knife. It's satisfying to use, it looks cool (by this game's standards), and it even has some utility for crossing hazards or defending yourself against swooping enemies! Cool! Unfortunately, they don't let you play around with that for long either, before nearly every enemy you see starts rolling up with helmets or shells that make them immune to attacks from above, and you never really get anything like that again (the Upward Thrust exists later, but it's far more situational and frankly not very fun or intuitive to use). Rather than feeling like you're being given tools to overcome challenges and stay above the difficulty curve, it feels like you're constantly just slightly underequipped for everything (even if you grind to earn extra stat levels) and any edge you're given is swiftly taken away from you. (Except the Reflect spell, which is ALWAYS a banger after you get it because it makes your shield Actually Do Its Damn Job after nearly every enemy starts shooting projectiles you can't block. Good work, Reflect spell.)

I feel like I grew up hearing plenty of people talk about the overall difficulty of Zelda II, though most of the complaints about its puzzles were surface-level jabs about the short cryptic NPC text, and none of that prepared me for just how ridiculously obtuse its mandatory puzzles/secrets can be. I genuinely have no idea how anyone would EVER find the Life spell - pretty much your ONLY source of healing outside of towns, since there are no hearts to pick up in this game - without some kind of guide. I was FURIOUS when I finally looked up where to find that lady's mirror and discovered that you have to walk into one of the houses, go over to the table that looks EXACTLY like every other table in every other house in the entirety of Hyrule, crouch, and press B, and you'll just pull the mirror out of nowhere. This type of interaction does not exist ANYWHERE else in the game and there's no in-game hint to indicate that you should try this. Absolutely maddening.

This and its predecessor are both games that seemingly expect you to have the physical manual on hand to help you find secrets, but at least in the first game, the way the game was designed was consistent enough that you COULD feasibly find your way to the end of it without a guide. Bombable walls in dungeons always being located in the center, things like that. It had rules and it could generally be trusted to follow them. Zelda II, in comparison, has a final level (the Great Palace) in which there are numerous rooms that look IDENTICAL and if you make one wrong turn you can go through the entire [very difficult and dangerous] dungeon on a path parallel to the one you need to be on, only to hit a dead end and be able to see the spot you're supposed to be reaching on the other side of a wall. Except you would also never KNOW you need to get there, because it looks like another dead end full of monsters but there's actually a completely invisible hole somewhere in the floor over there that drops you into the hallway leading towards the final boss. Also there is no map. TLoZ had a map. I don't know why this game doesn't have a map. Possibly because if you try to look up maps online, most of the dungeons feature non-Euclidean spaces? Idk, even a Super Metroid-style grid map would've done wonders here.

The combat is... fine? I truly don't understand how anyone thinks it's GREAT though. Zelda II is kind of like a version of Castlevania where you don't have a whip and instead have to stab everything at extremely short range, and also sometimes enemies have shields so you have to crouch sometimes to stop them from blocking you. It feels tense and high-stakes but only because, as I mentioned earlier, you really cannot afford to take stray hits in this game. Most enemies chew through your health at an alarming rate, even with the Shield spell active, and there's almost no way to replenish it unless you use a Life spell (which costs a huge chunk of your magic, possibly softlocking you if you end up in a place that requires other spells to progress). I got better at the combat over the course of my playthrough, but I never felt like I got good at it - most of my victories against strong enemies felt like pure luck and there were rarely consistent strategies for success. All of this combined with the fact that Zelda II has limited lives (and I mean LIMITED - there are only six 1-UPs in the entire game, which can each only be collected once) and getting a Game Over anywhere outside of the final palace will send you all the way back to the starting area, and it makes for an incredibly stressful experience. Even making use of savestates to lighten the fear of death can only do so much to improve it.

Overall, I think that Zelda II is a game that has a lot of really promising ideas, but then just absolutely flops when it comes to the execution. I didn't have a better way of organizing these but here are a few examples of elements I DID particularly like, even if they didn't always stick the landing:

I like the idea of the RPG leveling system in theory, but wish it was more empowering in practice and actually let the player make meaningful choices instead of just being required to survive. Choosing to hold off on a Life upgrade and instead save up just a little longer to boost your Attack feels awesome, until you time one of your inputs wrong and get destroyed. In a game with better-tuned difficulty and combat, this system would be great!

I REALLY like that Zelda II introduced a magic system to the series! I think it's cool as hell to have Link learning and casting spells to protect himself, solve puzzles, and exploit enemy weaknesses, instead of relying purely on items. (It's honestly weird to think that a system I associate so strongly with classic Zelda gameplay has only actually showed up in 4 of the games?? I guess you could consider the runes/hand abilities in BotW/TotK to be kind of like modern spells, or the slowly-refilling energy gauge in ALBW to be the most recent iteration of a Magic Meter, but both are highly debatable. Anyways I just think they should let Link shapeshift into a fairy again, that was cool.) But most of the spells in this are fairly situational and your access to magic refills is so limited that you rarely have the freedom to experiment with the spells' secondary functions (hey did you know the Spell spell turns most enemy types into slimes? that's wild. I wish I'd known that sooner).

The overworld functioning like a traditional JRPG, with top-down exploration broken up by semi-random enemy encounters, was something I honestly didn't hate. It's a little weird for Zelda, sure, but I could see it working well to support other systems in a more polished game. Overworld encounters that switch you into a type of gameplay other than turn-based JRPG combat are something I've always been fascinated by!

Anyways, weird game! I'm glad I finally got closure so I could figure out how I personally feel about it, independent of whatever the random youtubers I watched as a teenager thought. And now I never have to play it again :)

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀

𝟭. travel ( ✈️ )

2024 took away many travel opportunities from me. i was supposed to go to barcelona with my family, but my grandfather passed away, and we stayed in italy to handle the funeral. i was supposed to travel to sofia with my cousin, but one of my exams was rescheduled to a date i couldn’t possibly miss, so i had to give up the trip. lastly, i was planning to go to valencia to celebrate my birthday, but a flood disrupted the city, and i couldn't go anymore.

in short, it was a frustrating year in this regard — i lost a lot of money and, most importantly, many opportunities to travel, which i believe has significantly inhibited me in this area. while i used to be much more inclined to book last-minute trips when the chance to travel on a budget arose, now i feel much more anxious about doing so.

i want 2025 to be filled with travels. i want to fully take advantage of the opportunities that circumstances beyond my control stole from me in 2024.

𝟮. keep my life even more private ( 🔒 )

it's been years now since i completely disappeared from social media. i no longer post photos or updates about my life online as if i were an influencer, and my daily life has significantly improved without the pressure to appear a certain way online. life is truly better when no one knows anything about you.

however, in real life, i'm quite the chatterbox, and i often find myself oversharing without even realizing it. that said, because i strongly believe in the evil eye, i've learned that, even if i have to bite my tongue, i can't share projects that are not yet completed — not even with the people closest to me, not even if i'm 100% sure they would be happy for me.

in fact, even though i cut off toxic people from my life two years ago, other friendships i thought were strong have ended this year. i want to live a peaceful, private life, even if that means staying silent. show results rather than plans.

𝟯. meditate and journal ( 🪴 )

i started this year (2024) well with this kind of self-care, but i completely lost it around may. i'll try again in 2025, hoping i can stick to it. if not, see you in 2026.

𝟰. indulge in healthy female friendships ( 🩷 )

two years ago, i cut ties with many toxic friendships that were holding me down and keeping me from healing. since then, i've been mostly alone, except for a few surviving connections i kept after high school. when i started university, i made new friendships, but they were very superficial and always centered around university matters.

however, since moving to spain, i've really understood which people were just taking from me without truly being interested in me as a person. in return, though, these past few months i've met some truly amazing girls in madrid, and i want to let myself indulge in that beautiful feminine energy that only girl friendships can give. wine and cheese in front of an episode of gilmore girls while you cut out pictures for your vision board.

𝟱. eat healthier ( 🥗 )

these past few months have been a rollercoaster with food. i've prepared a lot of homemade meals, but i've also ordered out quite often. i don't see anything wrong with ordering takeout or eating out with friends, but since it often happened when i was alone and didn't feel like cooking, i want to try to organize my cooking better and eat as many homemade meals as possible. of course, i won’t deprive myself of lunches and dinners out with friends, but i want to limit takeaway food to social occasions, not to lonely sundays.

it's been less than two years since i got out my ed and i want to keep the happy and healthy relationship with food i gained with so much hard work.

𝟲. keeping up with goals reached last year ( ☁️ )

obviously, all the work i’ve done over the past few years won’t go to waste! i want to persevere with the good habits i’ve developed and the work i’ve done on myself. the past few years have been strange and full of changes, but i feel like it’s all been positive. i’m happy with where i’ve gotten to and the person i’ve become, but i know i still have a long way ahead of me.

happy new year's eve everyone 🎉 which goals are you planning to reach?

[justrymesblog]

Before you read this, I want you to know that this message might be hard to hear, but it could also be the beginning of the change you’ve been seeking.

Many of us, myself included, spend our lives searching for a savior, an epiphany, or something external to rescue us: a book, a speech, a mentor, a sign. We think that this one thing will open the doors to a better life. We cling desperately to small details, convincing ourselves they’re the confirmation we need to keep going: mirror numbers on a clock, a fallen feather, a butterfly crossing our path. We say, “It’s a sign from the universe, I’m on the right track”—all while staying trapped in a cycle we hate but find so hard to escape.

We often become slaves to the material world. We buy talismans, books, or listen to subliminal audios on repeat, seeking immediate results: “Why isn’t this audio working?”, “How many times do I need to listen to it to see a change?” We even sleep with headphones on, hoping it will speed up the process, yet the change never seems to come.

I understand you because I’ve been there.

It took me years to escape that cycle. Years of feeling lost, stuck, tied to my own thoughts and patterns. I spent months not knowing what to do, always ending up back at the same point. I turned to religions where I never felt truly at home. I prayed in churches, temples, and altars, waiting for miracles that never came. I lived believing that something external would change my destiny, but each attempt only led to disappointment. The reality? Nothing changed—or worse, things got even harder.

Then I realized: the only salvation comes from within.

We are the architects of our lives. Our minds are the most powerful tool we have. There are no limits beyond the ones we impose on ourselves. Imagine something unimaginable—a dream, a reality that seems impossible—and yet, you have the power to manifest it! But here’s the challenge: you must truly believe it. You must understand that you are in complete control.

If you want to be wealthy, you can achieve it. If you desire perfect health, unconditional love, travel, or anything else, it’s within your reach. Nothing is too big or too small for your creative power. But first, you must let go of limiting ideas like, “I wasn’t born rich” or “My life would have been different if I had better advantages.” These thoughts are just chains you’ve placed on yourself.

The first step to change is to take full responsibility for everything that has happened in your life. Yes, everything. It’s difficult, but that’s the key: accepting that you created your current reality, which means you also have the power to transform it.

If you’re tired of living the same way, PUT AN END TO IT.

Dare to change. Break free from everything that limits you. Rebuild your story from scratch. One of my favorite phrases always reminds me:

"When you see no way out, remember: the end is the beginning of everything."

Did you know there are scientific experiments that prove the incredible power of our minds? The CIA has documented studies on practices like remote viewing, where individuals can perceive things beyond space and time. These studies are not theories or pseudoscience—they are real evidence of our infinite potential.

There are also studies about how our thoughts impact matter. Researchers like Masaru Emoto demonstrated how our emotions and words can alter the molecular structure of water. If our words can affect something as tangible as water, imagine what they can do to your life, your cells, and your entire reality.

The limits don’t exist, except in your mind.

Life is as malleable as clay in the hands of a sculptor. And you are the sculptor. The question is no longer “What can I achieve?” but “What can’t I create?”

The time you have is precious. Use it to build the life you truly want, because the only obstacle standing between you and your dreams is you. The key is to believe and to act from that powerful force within you.

Remember: nothing is impossible. The moment to transform your life begins now.

[dollette-whispers]

new year’s resolutions ⊹ ‧₊˚

♡ prioritise my mental health. i want to remove all the negativity in my life and focus on becoming a better, healthier version of myself.

♡ get closer to God. i sometimes put off praying because i feel like i’ve disappointed Jesus in so many ways, but He loves & forgives and i’d like to remind myself that more often in the new year. i want to improve my relationship with Him and read the bible more often.

♡ start going to the gym.

♡ focus on getting better grades. not that there’s anything wrong with my grades now, but i want to keep pushing myself and progressively get better.

♡ practice self-love more often. i feel like i never give myself a break, so i’d like to focus on taking care of myself more and do the little things that make me happy. i want to read more, listen to music more, do my skincare more often. there’s so much i haven’t done and it scares me because i’ve wasted so much time on unimportant things.

♡ stop procrastinating & be more productive. even if i have to force myself out of bed to do things, i really want to stop procrastinating because of my lack of motivation. i want to get stuff done in time and not constantly rush myself, because the results won’t be as good in the end.

♡ invest time in new hobbies. i want to start writing poetry again, learn how to cook / bake more recipes, paint more etc.

♡ put together a routine and follow it. in order to be more productive, i want to put together an easy routine i’m able to follow to motivate me more. i also need to learn how to divide my time accordingly.

♡ get a job. my last job didn’t work out so i need a new one because i wanna get that bag in 2025.

[abyss-seer]

*Trigger Warning*

Confrontational Pick A Card Read

What is the truth that you do not want to confront when it comes to realizing, your childhood desires ?

Trigger Warning, this reading is 18 + and contains themes of suicide and r@pe, Please read it only when you feel comfortable about it🙏🏽. And this reading of mine isn't going to be linear at all. It is just a read to channel out your anger, your fire, the inner Goddess Pele in you. So please take your time with this read. It covers a lot of vulnerable topics. If something triggers you then leave it and come back later.

USE YOUR DISCERNMENT. DO NOT FOLLOW ANYTHING BLINDLY.

*******INDIVIDUALS SEEKING LEGAL, MEDICAL, OR ANY PROFESSIONAL ADVICE ARE ADVISED TO SEEK PROFESSIONALS OF THESE RELATED AREAS. ********

THE GUIDANCE IN A TAROT CARD READING IS MEANT TO BE TAKEN AS A SECOND OPINION ONLY. THE GUIDANCE GIVEN IN TAROT CARD READINGS IS AN INDIVIDUAL OPINION THAT THE VIEWER IS ADVISED TO TAKE AS A FRIENDLY OPINION OR ADVICE OF THE TAROT READER. THE TAROT READER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACTIONS TAKEN BY THESE INDIVIDUALS.

Individuals seeking mental, emotional, or psychological attention are advised to seek mental healthcare professionals, or the National Health Care Helplines of their respective countries and consider the opinions, resources, and guidance of these professionals as their first priority and the tarot reader's words as a friendly opinion or as a friendly advice.

What is the truth that you do not want to confront when it comes to realizing, your childhood desires ?

Here are the three piles

This read has a ton of quoted words in double semi colon. They seemed channeled words to me. Along with what your cards were trying to tell me.

____________________

Pile 1

Its as if you close your eyes to them. As if you are blind to them. The thing that makes you blind towards confronting that truth within yourself is your guilt. That guilt of leaving someone who loved you or whom you loved in utter chaos and despair while they were "silently" calling onto for your help. They may have doubted you for being so siren-like towards them. (Seducing them and letting their ship sink). "You must have doubted them" it's as if you thought they were doubting you the whole damn time only to realize they were utterly devoted towards you. Hence letting their ship sink because you thought they knew how to save themselves. But the ship sank and "he" never came back. "Travis Scott", the name travis could be significant. This pile could be shy and they might hesitate a lot from confrontation and feel as if an attorney or judge is about to sentence them. They wanted me to jump to pile 3. So someone who also doesn't like being talked about that much.

"You are too close to the truth" I heard the spirit say. I asked "What do they need to realize?" I heard "Avoid, Avoid Avoid avoid avoid, danger alert danger alert danger alert"

I guess its obvious why you haven't got past this issue (or the way some of you like to refer it "this pu$$y / d!¢k " ) Its not the sexual attraction its the guilt. And your Avoidance plays a bigger role in it. You need to realise, this is it, you have done it, it your past karma, leave it behind for now. Leave this desire right away and move on.

Take it how it resonates I ain't forcing anything. Wait and come back again only if you want to with an open mind.

"This ain't nothing to be afraid of, nothing but solidarity is required for this sh!t" It came through.

"Sowing seeds" You are being asked to sow seeds for your childhood desires persistently. Swati nakshatra coming through.

Avoidance tactics are not gonna help you. Its only going to keep you stuck, not away from your feelings which you have tucked away already but from your future desires as well as your dreams of becoming successful as it weighs your mind over n over, like a loop, in repeated patterns of behaviour as an excuse to get by your past deeds. Its your mind that is doing this to you, guilt tripping to you that you do not deserve this anymore when you know more than anyone else how much you deserve it too. Then will you let one bad deed spoil your day or corrupt your soul. You don't need to take this tension. Leave this past deed behind for the past and save it for future lessons.

"Ooh she mine,ooh she mine - Party Monsters"

"Heat Waves - Glass Animals"

"Wildest Dreams- Taylor Swift"

Damn! The truth you don't want to confront is that you are extremely possessive of this person and obsessed over them coming back to you to take you back, you may dream or fantasize by Ariana Grande coming through or fantasize about this person's $mexy thingy all the time, even though you don't want to admit it too. And it hurts you, to have left them behind for no reason for no one for nothing only a piece of shreds in the name paper money in a bag.

You could be gaslighting yourself into thinking, you couldn't possibly like them or should like them. There's some taboo here or your stubbornness interfering, as you couldn't ever imagine in your wildest dreams to have this person like you back. The truth you didn't want to confront yourself is the fact that you sabotaged your widest impatient dreams of yours in just a second thought. Didn't even think twice about it. Someone's name could be Nick, Peter, Ronald. Reminds me of donald duck juniors. There could have been a lie in this relationship and lots of misunderstanding and supposedly a lot of 'misandry' 'racism' by someone who broke this relationship. ("Manager" i heard, "there's something they all must be saying or talking about" I can almost hear Daffy duck saying that, for being a bad ducky and getting offended with Rose, lily and jasper for snitching with sometimes rose, sometimes lily being the one snitching about them)

You might hate being snitched on yourself and hence might sometimes do more mischief or overnoise or shout and then shout at others for listening for voice. There's something about your phone card that you don't like.

It just seems as if your fear of being snitched or gossiped is just your controlling nature of buying other people's silence so that you don't get in trouble. Im getting fraud, embezelment, stealing intellectual property or province out of greediness and rebellion out of a tough provincial goverment or really bad or controlling leader. This seemed to have caused you a lot of pressure built up around you.

And your anger could be due to the fact that this stolen whatever this is could have called a heavy guilt and same making you feel as if you do not deserve the wealth, and you may get angry in life when you got to let go of the so called possesion that you might consider as your own possesion. When this was taken away from your life karmically. You got angry in your fate. And you might often hide your embarrassment and your shame by using a set of avoidance tactics. This was initially not a very long post till I expanded it and realized how sensitive this pile could actually be. Dear pile 1, yes you did wrong but that doesn't mean you need to be demeaned, belittled or fooled every single time by people who are now doing the same things that you once. I need you to take a quick look at yourself and confront yourself. Yes you were wrong and yes you shouldn't have cheated a person. But what has happened has happened so move on. Everytime you feel the anger seething in for some injustice or something bad that happened to you. Just cool down and think about the situations in your life that led you to this same action once and just try to understand this person's perspective for doing ill to you. You have to just come to terms with the fact that you will always be a villain in some people's lives, all you can do is just come to terms with it and accept it. Hence don't let the snitching get the best of you.

Another thing if you feel witchcraft being done on you or towards you by somebody or someone to change your fate and steal your money then yeah this is a confirmation as I was seeing a big troubled black genie like figure around me in my room. If there are a series of groundhog events in your life, then please cleanse your energy and clean your space from these unpleasant groundhogging (bad luck bringing energy). Hope this reading made sense .

Love you , Bye. Hope that helps :⁠-⁠)

---------------------------------------------------------

Pile 2

"My hands feel weak, it's probably not from that clenching fist in anger anymore." "Feeling a strong grip on my shoulders, my desires, my hands,.....they are slipping away right now those dreams and desires in my hands are slipping away from me, my budget, my plans for making up my dreams and now.... Iam currently holding onto the clutches that have long since taken away my pearls" "Very dreary, dreadful yet dreamy (wet) desires " There is a dread to your life, winnowing and drenching you in salt water lake isn't going to eat you away my child" It seems to be about drenching away yourself in your desires, only to come back alive to the shore. Pile 2 you are very very desirable and "passionate to the floor" like it doesn't matter to you if what or who you are passionate about or desire to have dissolves in your little salt lake or not, you desire them and that's it, you will have them, no matter. "Even when the sky starts fallin, even when the sun don't shine" I heard "the sky is not falling, drippin"

Idk why your channeled messages are going so straightforward. I'm channeling "Rumi".

"Then I looked in my heart and there I found Him— He was nowhere else" – Rumi

Iam imagining a scenario, a couple drowning in the middle of salt lake (Im getting Dal lake in Kashmir) suddenly it starts raining and the husband starts drowning, the girl could save herself, she could have survived, but instead she decides to stay there and die there "all alone". The husband and wife stayed with each other for the rest of their lives.

And that painful love is not what you desired for yourself in your childhood. The only thing you didn't desire was to not be sent alone, to be left out alone, and you are someone very very gorgeous as a human being with scars of loneliness. It's like if your person is gone you don't know who else to win over to keep over again in your life as there is no one that seems to appeal to you the way you appeal to them. Half way mistakes, meeting people half way in your journey only to desire for so much more. Pile 2 you had and still have so much more to desire for, so much pain, so much ecstasy, just like Chandeler (someone deflects with humour or has a humorous personality) so much suppressed emotions and anger (im getting chandelier mushroom meme) then why do you not let it out? Why don't you live them a little? It isn't all about romance, life isn't ending there. "Love isn't forever, every breakup doesn't mean patch up, then why?"

Why waste up your empty thoughts and desires on someone without waiting for a wait or a quick break? You're burning up yourself like a moth drawn to a flame, breaking up yourself, burning out again and again in this weight or desire of love or this person or these people. You need to decide which juniper berry (a cone that masks like berries) are you? The blue one, pine one or the christmas fake one? Someone here could be atheletic, maybe into sports or skincare and may use a lot of juniper cream, jojoba and eucalyptus oils and lactates on skins as essentials. Maybe they rub it on their skin for some properties. "This person does cream in their job" someone here owns or works in some sort of cremery whether it be body shop or eateries (whipped cream, icing) uses dollops of it everyday or has had it recently. Some March babies here.

Now I want to refer to you as Dear Creamery, this is definitely a past lover's message, or you might get his/her dreams (train dreams)(trying to catch the bus while trying this person out) to see him. Ok yall having some 18+ dreams right now

Dear creme Bruleé, you might be harsh on the inside to yourself a lot. (It seems your person knows how much of a softie you are and they really want to know, how to people end up projecting this harsh perception as a result of your of smooth finished outer core to an extent that you may end up taking it to the depth of your core, almost end up crashing and breaking your insides (ideas, fantasies) when its no longer needed. That's why they might think you are brutal to the core at the start as you loving and hating yourself manifests as loving and hating people for bearing habits or patterns similar to yours.

Remember everyone, each and every human is connected, you interacting with yourself in the harshest way possible results in you behaving the same way with other people around you with similar remorse for having acquired a learned behaviour from you after being with you for a long a time. "THIS IS NARCISSISTIC" just channeled that. Treat people around the way you would treat yourself. That means treat yourself nice and right.

Your person wants to tell you that you have so hard on yourself and to your inner child as well to a point and an extent to which you beat yourself up extensively, self harm or self hurt when you aren't able to have something that you desire to the extent that you even stop yourself from achieving it anymore that you take the loss to your head, aren't able to move on from it and then do something dangerously su!cidal to yourself so that you can stop dreaming and desiring it later on. What an intense emotion! For some you this could be due to the unbearable pain of losing a loved one (i heard to fire, idk, i'm really really sorry if that has happened with you) and now every loss in life has become so unbearable to a point that all you want to do it is k!ll yourself or something else at the slightest sense of loss or being left alone or all alone. You cannot deal with yourself "They cannot deal with themselves when that happens" Spirit is legit telling me.

It seems like there was a fight to which you lost yourself over and over again and again and now that has ingrained into your brain (Sheesh pile 2, im sorry i dont mean to sound condescending, but if this is what chain of events you are going through,I'm sorry, My spirit is channeling "I'm hardly negative on my readings but this time I channeled fire, I channeled what indestructible inner rage was like". Yes pile 2 this is what it is, I channeled the sacred rage through you, and it asks you to be brave, fierce, bold towards your dreams and pursue it. Wherever this fear came from, don't ever let it stop. There are asking me to burn the sacred fire within to ask you of this. "You are being bloodied and your blood has flowed and will flow thousand times over, will you not be bloodied in the battlefield,yes you are wounded and you will be wounded everyday, afterall life is a battlefield then why give up now? Whats there in being wounded once, are we gonna get scared and stay in our scars or should we move on, heal our scars, face our shadows, and take the time that it takes to feel closing up of our scars and experience our body heal. Is it that hard to experience the closing up of your wounds? Remember the first time you got hurt, it hurt but then once the wound healed, the pain was gone, only fear remained that all of it would happen again if not tomorrow. Why fear it? The next time you will stronger, smarter, and better than this. You will have improved. Then why fear it? You have survived the worst.

Author's note : (I would like to share this personal experience with you, once upon a time I was SAed brutally, had to get hospitalized in a near death condition, but I survived. That bs, and that mfer came back in my life once again and did it all over me once again but this time with a gang, but I had learned by then, my wounds healed (cause i gave myself enough time) and I was stronger once again, this time I did give my best fight, little did I know I would get overpowered once again and again and again and again all of this happened with me multiple times in a row, i didn't know what to do, i didn't know why life had given me all that, but each time I grew faster, sharper and manipulated my way out of all this. All I am telling you is I managed to find a good life after all that, nowadays I don't fear it or him anymore hence could suave my way through it all and could give a life sentence to him and his bunch)

"The worst will be dealt with the last, up closely" I heard spirit say, This tyrant will be dealt with, you are being asked to focus on yourself and deal with your own desires, "I heard that story". Iam really sorry if some of you are going through anything similar. Iam really sorry, but all Iam trying to tell you is if you have a story to share and you feel like no one is going to believe you then please talk to a therapist or a mental health care professional, or a trusted friend, family member or advisor. Let it out, take others support to heal yourself. Love yourself enough while going through the process of letting those wounds heal. You can tag your story, there are hundreds of communities, thousands of people, servers ready to help you, so please don't lose hope, you are right here, feel yourself while you experience the closing of those wounds. I understand its hard, it can be really really hard, and there are times you might want to give up and lose all hope. So ask for help, ask for support to help you heal. Please do it if you want to, if and only if you are comfortable to do so, please peek through that shell you have created around, there are so many people out there and yes there might be a chance where they may not be able relate to you. Yes there might be a chance you will feel paranoid, and lost because of this but trust me there are helpful people out there. Please try to talk to them. Please reach out. Seeking justice or not is your choice, and you don't have to do that if you don't want to do that. There is no judgement or shame in it. You can do whatever you wish to do with this and no one will question you for it. You are allowed to take your time to heal and come back in your sacred space. If you are already in this energy, please continue to do so. You are already doing pretty great. Know that there is no pressure on you to file a case, and not wanting to do so is fine. Its alright. You don't have to feel bad, guilty or anything for not wanting to have to do anything with that energy. Its fine.All you do right now is relax and do not let this fear judgement of shame get to you for deciding not wanting to have anything to do with a tyrant on a legal scale. Its your wish. No one is judging or shaming you for this.

Don't let this fear ever dictate your life ever again. You do not need to act like some suave or people please anymore, if there are people pushing you to do so, please push them aside and focus on yourself, you are your own biggest priority right. Love yourself like there's no tomorrow my love, you may feel like you are going through it at times but don't let this fear of "feeling this in my body again" get you, your present or your future ever again. Yes these are post traumatic symptoms but don't let these take over you ever again my love ever again. Don't ever lash out on yourself for not being able to avoid trauma symptoms and trauma pain. Never again my love, understood, Never again. Accept your now, the change happens, you are beautiful when you are who you are, and that person or that sense of identity you carried with you for all those years can change due to this kind experience, no matter what this experience was for you. Let the person within you emerge, stop immersing her back in those of suppressed depths just because you do not recognise who this new angry inner self is anymore. She is you and she needs her way out. Let her be assertive and set her boundaries, she is trying to protect you. Let your sacred fire to reach your desires come out, don't let this passionate fire born out of these suppressed emotions burn you from within. This fire within you doesn't deserve that. You don't deserve that. I hope you understand "Yourself". Love you so much. Bye my loves, take care of yourself.

____________________________________________

Pile 3

Forhead pain, feeling vulnerable body pain issues, severe body pain issues due to an injury, Someone's name could be "Casey, Casidy, Cassey" Maybe some disney character's name. Iam hearing " loathe and pain" being loathed on, hated, (almost witch hunted kinda stereotypes), someone showing someone their place based on caste, race, religion or gender, sect or creed or bloodline (im getting racial slurs and blood number, like blood donor's number) Iam getting Mr. Kim Taehyung, someone's own sibling or brother jumping death unscathed. Iam also getting someone's listening to their son's old recording, or a dead loved one's tape recorder, somebody listening to their older son's music and his creations, preserving someone's art, culture and his beautiful memories. "Creation process" "Young Haul" "stealing from young - a line from Sabrina Carpenter's because I liked a boy" "Homewrecker Homeboy" " threw it off the baseball track/rack/team"

"my homie stole me so now Im a good $lut" "stealing your childhood dreams" Iam also getting "shallow dreams"

Let's pause shall we now? Pile 3 whats taking you so long to confront this individual or these people, cause Im seeing a lot of demeaning attitude been projected on you. "Bean" "skinny brat" ok, who are these people? "I know these people are being converted, they really ruined my life" Im getting and channeling BANKS (Jillian Rose Banks), I also got Tyra Banks , but I think this can indicate someone being in the fashion industry, "method recording, method acting"

"you do not deserve to get this crustie musty baddie "alone". What I mean by that is stop taking racial slurs on your face. Time to Queen/King Up. Mostly gently raise the fires of hell and unleash those hound dogs you had been gatekeeping for so long. Whoever these people you need to proceed with them/in them with a gentler approach in life. I heard they are the ones gatekeeping you for so long shortly after xyz incident". " You do not deserve this Anjelly/Angelino/Angelic gel, suavé fontigo/contigo"

The truth is you are hiding behind the scenes, you have dimmed your light, you are working with a level of people who can't stand the way you have reached and processed your success by following a different approach and they cannot swallow the hard pills anymore. Its just too much unprocessed, unappreciated success that is being constantly disturbed, and disrespected along with constant social disregard of a saintly and lovely individual.( "I am getting Lively human being, so you could be someone very energetic, Blake Lively and her recent lawsuit, idk about what, I scroll past mood bummer headlines")

This is bad pile 3, "its the constant disrespectful attitude that has made me charge her/oppress her over some issues". Someone's dirty laundry is being made public. This is baffling. Its like you have got so many leeches and you are baptizing them right now. Iam getting "Trident" Idk I was getting more of a Poseidon percy jackson vibes. Silver screen,bad vibes overall. Idk what this is "idk why spirit wants me to refer you as Blake Lively" "friends are really short and brown haired, teen code 16-19, under 19, rule magazine, percentage book"

God don't even ask me what I was channelling "now Iam getting Brittany is embarassing, spaces, spheres and spades and shades and her work of art is debuted, attention bulborg" someone's name could be similar bull-bohr pronounciation, Stanley is a christian boy" "origin story". Some of you could have gotten bullied by people throwing glasses, at your face, or a lot of insects. Theres a lot of glass shattering noises here. Im sorry if you went through that. Dear pile please know that no matter what you through in life, you dod not deserve someone doing this batsh!t towards you and please know that they won't get away from that all so easily.

Oh my God pile 3, what is this extra surplus channeling. So many full stops, so many breaks, as I was getting before, I feel like someone's specific dyed brunette friend is actually blonde in her hair and has a short stature and height and she isn't like her usual behaviour anymore finally turning from a friend to enemy. This person has been envious of you is trying to push you off your chance, opportunity, throne whatever. But the thing is the position or "the place that everyone got in their was to be pulled down by their facade". So what facade have you been wearing. "Abby Winters, if that's a brand name, no gurl stop hiding behind materialistic heavy you won't even carry with yourself once your soul has departed" "stole a dollar store cash bank, Dylan" "ABBA could be someone's favourite"

Thatz it!!!! Iam done no more channeling. Why is there so much spying info here and really a lot a lot of unneccesary spamming, like some corrupted file or broken record. Gosh! Pile 3 do you often deflect with the truth by spamming or ranting unnecessarily. Cause that is a lot. I just realized I was manipulated into doing something or writing so many things about things which can be related to or unrelated to. But whatever it is, my intention is not spamming. This is time waste content. There's a lot of content on social media and apps, "dating love shows, comedian platforms, game shows" Its like a black hole to be. It seems like pile 3, you do not try to take yourself too seriously which is a good quality to have, not at the expense of your time and energy being wasted. Its okay if you don't bother with disrespect and don't wanna bother yourself with the hatred. But the main problem with you is (Twitter notification) NOOOO NOOO DONT YOU GO THERE. STAY WITH FOCUS LADY/LAD FOCUS!!!!!

Coping through information overload or causing diaspora for yourself because you cannot deal or confront yourself from facing these negative tides of emotions that sweep to you through other people,and you know its happening, but instead getting impacted by the overwhelming and overflowing waves and tides of these non sensical, wierd abrasive and rash self talk (negative self talk), sometimes even overcatastrophising assumptions and projections of what other people push onto you and making it your new identity to simply co-exist, you my dear pile 3 has compromised on your legacy, wealth, status and honour a lot many times cause people don't accept you, or your status and leave it unappreciated leaving you no room but to define your self worth (by prophesising things, some of you could rebuilding an ego using psychic business to define who you are) using productivity or wealth or something special enough to set apart from other people to feel good about yourself.

And whatever that could be, that could include doing something to feel special different and untouched despite feeling the initial hatred and despise for being left alone. This just seems like some "predator attacks prey" response, its as if you were witch-hunted, ostrasized, discriminated against, "im also getting k!lled, so maybe some of you, lost yourself and your personality in this process. So whatever that hatred was which set you apart from rest (im getting "against a wolf pack" "Dont Go Insane" by DPR IAN) was what became so comfortable to live with, without any company all on your own that now friends and good people seem alien to you. These people might try to help you, but you might guard up your wall against them in fear of getting hated on (Iam also getting "r@ped" someone could have gotten hate r@ped or something like that to shut them up as people around them did not like them) And dear Pile 3 if this has happened to you, this is straight up evil and devious. People know that you did not deserve this (Iam also getting Sun Bae and date r@ped) someone could have gotten threatened with embarrassing photos of themselves or even got harassed just for talking about their opinions. Gosh Pile 3 Iam so sorry for all the embarrassment and shame you went through just for sharing your opinions, and constant hate you receive for being the so called unworthy one to an extent where you start feeling like you deserved everything you went through, cause Iam feeling like someone feels that way, to a point where they get triggered talking to new people or making new friends cause they are scared that the new clash in opinions will again make them feel as if they deserved the pain they went through. This is so sad pile 3, I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Hope you are doing well. Please get yourself a psychiatrist's help if any of this has happened, please know that you never did

Dear Pile 3 , its giving and receiving love, that dream that you hold so dear to yourself, that you always wanted to have and fulfill despite that loneliness in your life was giving and receiving love and support through family and friends. Forming bonds, developing deep and close connections, building a shell for yourself and your family, protecting your loved ones. Harmony is all you could have ever desired while suffering alone in your lonely little shell. I feel so sad for you pile 3.

It just feels like a bunch of superficial family members or friends who could have gravely betrayed made you give up on your hope and dreams to ever find a family, good friend circle ever again which could have shredded your sense of confidence in other people and your self beliefs. Making you feel as if having a family, meeting good people or having a good friend circle is impossible. Not only that you feel as if people are constantly ready to sneer at you, make fun of you or actually demean you in front of other people which wouldn't even be that much of a big deal as the triggered sensations in your body might make you feel.

Remember Not everybody is here to exploit and have faith in yourself and others around. Try to set a strict set of a boundary as you can and do not let anyone cross. For example Don't go out with strangers at night, don't invite people in your house if you are all alone. Lock all the doors and windows before you sleep. If someone does call you out, it doesn't always mean they are suspicious, you can always tell them that you are uncomfortable to do so and if you are uncomfortable to do so all alone, try taking a neighbour or bring a tazer or self defense equipment just in case.

I'm also getting that some of you may not know the cautionary rules or were never taught so. You can always check safety tips for living alone or with a partner (Im getting Hannah Montana in my head, lots of Disney kids. Some of you could love rom coms and could have been disney binging kids,) You could be someone who upholds a lot of traditional values in general but could come off as the complete opposite to many who might think of you as someone not wanting love and harmony (for eg some people might think that feminism is all about fighting with the other gender which is nothing but a way of asking equal love and compassion and not being treated like an object) so yeah even though some movements may get a bad rep due to a select few, some people might assume you to be those few. Hence may have got misunderstood many times which is pretty sad honestly. Im sorry pile 3. You should check out pile 2 only if it calls you.

Now lets talk about the actual problem here pile3, you fear seeing your dreams come as you feel that it is impossible to achieve so in a society, friend circle, or family like this. No matter what that circle was it left you disappointed to the point that you stopped dreaming of it and may have started fantasizing or doomscrolling as a way to get past these disappointments and triggers you feel with new people. Your paranoia of having different opinions than others or being different could have just triggered these past experiences to a point and extent that you end up acting on your feelings and start hating people or isolating yourself from connection you would really crave or want. That's why learn to discern between your feelings and reality. Do some creative vocations like art, craft, music, sculpting to let these emotions out. Once you find a channel. Let your feelings get out of your system as there can be a lot of suppressed anger and hate that can lash out on others. Thats why wait, perceive your biggest unprecedented fears, and do not channel them/lash them out on other people. This is your message for the day. Please take care of yourself. And do not perceive yourself as all the traumatic and evil things that some people projected on you just because most do not agree with your opinions. Your opinions and your perception is unique on its own. Stay confident in yourself about it, You never deserved anything bad for having an opinion. Please know that. And I hope you understand that as well. Thank You .

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[radical-community-care]

this is so fascinating to me because I feel like there is a a lot of misunderstanding and like even culture clash maybe?? that fuels syscourse on both sides.

for context I'm german and have been in trauma therapy in germany for many years starting as a young adult.

I came to learning about plurality from learning about and being part of trauma support forums and then through meeting DID systems in trauma psych wards (before being diagnosed with it myself) and I heard about endos later, and kinda... thought they were the underdogs? and the niche group that no one heard about our knew was real whereas of course DID and traumagenic systems are real and while still not well understood and treated, any trauma therapist worth their salt will at least understand the basics.

that's what I used to think.

then I talked with a british friend and they said over there, therapists will literally tell systems that they probably don't have any trauma and that they should definitely keep putting up with their abusive families and some ppl are just plural it's fine don't worry about all your trauma symptoms.

and it blew my mind that professionals would apparently hold those views. and how utterly horrifying it is to think of systems who GO TO THERAPY BECAUSE OF TRAUMA to be met with that attitude. cause ALL medical professionals and even laypeople I talked to about plurality in germany agreed that I was right in fleeing my family and also took my trauma seriously. there was still a lot wrong with therapy but that's for a different post.

it's like. pushing "you have to openly and publicly identify as your ENTIRE EXISTANCE (as a headmate) being only and solely due to trauma before you even get access to spaces that might be essential for you to learn about plurality" is bad and toxic and dangerous.

and so is minimising ppls trauma or pushing them to accept abuse/abusers or feeding into ppls denial about having trauma when they are showing obvious symptoms of trauma and/or questioning whether they have it.

but I just... feel like there's no inherent conflict here???

like I do think encouraging ppl in general and systems/quesstioning systems to explore the possibility of having trauma and normalising basic trauma coping skills and 101 knowledge about trauma and how to spot abusers and supporting ppl in getting away from abusers ESPECIALLY IF FAMILY - I think all that is good. and it doesn't require being dicks to ppl/systems who don't have trauma or don't talk about it publicly or even those who are in denial.

I just want everyone to be nice and get along is that too much to ask?? 😭😭😭

btw 'syscourse' and plural infighting isn't accomplishing anything. back in the late 90s and early 2000s, the only communities and resources for plurals that were widely available were for and by non-traumagenic systems. the only people who were advocating for normalizing and accepting plurality on a large scale were non-traumagenic systems. if you did research into plurality 10 - 15 years ago, most of the results that came up would have been experiences written by spiritual and natural plurals.

many people at the time were expressing their dislike of forcing every single plural to identify as if they had trauma- many found this insulting to themselves, and rightfully so! no one should be forced to identify in a way they don't agree with just to rightfully be a part of a community they already occupy. this obsession with "you can only be plural if you have trauma" has only come about extremely recently. i found out about plurality through the otherkin community. i was actually told about DID by someone in the spiritual plurality community. people don't seem to understand that most non-traumagenic systems have respect for traumagenic systems and don't gatekeep their spaces to prevent us from entering.

older plural spaces on the web like healthymultiplicity accepted all plurals. the goal of the community was to show that you can live as plural and not have it be a tragedy or something to "fix". if anything, folks with dissociative disorders owe a LOT to non-traumagenic systems for pushing to normalize plurality without implying that we HAVE to integrate our headmates and try to stop being plural. a huge part of the early online plural community was there to push that plurals can and do live happy lives and shouldn't view their plurality as a bad thing

it's not going to make singlet society see us in a better light. it's not going to get people to understand plurality better. it's not going to get us better mental health resources. it's not going to improve the quality of care for dissociative and traumagenic systems. all you're doing is bullying someone else that you don't understand simply because you don't agree with them.

you're not going to recover from your trauma or understand your own plurality better by denying the existence of other types of plurality. you're not "making the community safer" by gatekeeping. telling other people how their brains work is policing their identities. whether or not you want to accept it, if you forcefully kick endos out of plural spaces, you are the cop you claim to hate.

fighting with people on your own team will never net you a victory. to every other dissociative and traumagenic system: endos are on your side. you are wearing the same jersey. you are made of the same flesh and blood. enough. come together to share your similarities instead of fighting over differences. celebrate the diversity that plurality offers. don't take someone else's identity personally. someone can share the space with you without having to match exactly how you identify. diversity is what makes a community thrive.