#but i also dont wanna bc it took me way too many hours of my life to put my island together just for me to reset on a whim

[puppyeared]

ootd

[phagodyke]

my god. new contender for most shite day at work this year so far

another morning another free bus journey..

[skunkes]

ok detailed surgery experience

i made this schedule (?) of the major events as soon as I left while I cld still remember (and still kinda forgot!) i like knowing the Times of stuff so I asked my dad to take note of Times for me, and tried to ask for the time where i could

surgery I got was a laproscopic bilateral salpingectomy, full removal of the fallopian tubes only!

Misc details off of dis, obviously TMI territory as its a medical procedure.

The second blood draw (they took blood from me yesterday tooooo) hurt less and more somehow. Nasty nasty bruise forming.

IV really was the worst part of it ! I'd get weird throbs of frustrating pain long after it was in

I was given compression stockings that went right up to my crotch. Your toes stick out, and they put hospital socks over your feet. Some additional compress wraps were placed above my knees.

Pre op/prep didnt take too long at all. I know I have it listed as over an hour of waiting, which always made me nervous to read in other people's experiences, but it doesn't really feel like waiting. The TV helps pass the time, as do the people who are with you if any, and the nurses popping in with help or instructions or updates. The prep room was small and the bathroom was next door. The double doors open to wheel you out. Remote was given toe to control the TV and also call the nurses via a speaker.

The nurse who wheeled me in was nicest, she pronounced my name Correctly and was also really funny and friendly...

In general I knew this surgery was going to go well because I was actually able to fall asleep last night. I've stayed awake/tossed and turned for events far less stressful. Dis was also due to part of it kind of not feeling real for me! And being wheeled into surgery room added to that! It didnt feel real, it felt like watching one of many scenes from medical media of the same point of view.

I did start quaking and shaking once in the surgery room (also small, I did not look around much in fear of it making me panic last minute!)

They had me scoot from the prep bed to the surgery table. There was a pink foam headrest for me to slot the back of my head into. They strap you in with arms out like ur being crucified and thats when it became more Real for me so i started shaking a lot, but I can't tell how bad it was under the heavy blankets. I think I shook more and for longer when I went for my MRI (which also isnt/wasnt scary but the body freaks out for no reason). Im surprised at myself for being so Calm ykwim

Anyway, strapped in, had monitoring stuff stickered onto my body: my sternum, side of body under chest/armpits, and another pair I cant remember where. Hair was put up in hair net. My hospital gown was untied as the tie starts halfway across your body and goes under, but this was not done in an invasive-to-privacy way, and I was still fully covered by it (and then recovered by blankets)

(3 separate people asked me how many kids I had throughout this whole venture, and were Shocked at my response. This was the other most nerve wracking part as I started to get weirdly anxious that someone wouldn't like this and cancel my surgery or something. One of the Askers was the anesthesiologist.) Doctor/surgeon came in and asked if i was ready and talked about how he loved being under anesthesia LOL. Everybody was speaking about their opinions about childbirth and sterilization and parenthood, but amongst each other and not to influence my decision, along with telling each other to set up XYZ. Once again everybody is charmed by Cheye's usage of the word "yay"

Ive never had surgery before, so I was worried about anesthesia. In my mind i was imagining it to be being fully lucid and then your vision darkens and takes you, which was scary to me like i dont wanna be freaking out and then immediately KNOCKED out!

But it was gradual which actually made it more calming for me...the funny nurse put the oxygen mask over me, I got very nervous bc she said to take deep breaths and honestly i couldnt even breath much at all in it, and breathing out also felt very restricting and like I was going to choke, but it wasn't Distressing. I just breathed slowly and it worked anyway.

In a few seconds I felt a cool tingle in my arm that then sort of burst into my torso, and my whole body felt really light and my eyelids draggggggged half closed, but it felt very mechanical and involuntarily (like slowly closing window blinds...or like how the brightness options on a 3DS are numbered buttons ykwim? Like, Closing 1, Closing 2, Closing 3, Closed Halfway, all pressed in quick succession). Heavy heavy heavy. I stayed in that half closed state for a while! (Probably not even a full minute, but it also wasn't instant...i still had time to think and Hear conversation etc, as well as feel that there was some mechanical thing tightening around my spread arms along with the hand adjusted straps)

The funny nurse was telling me to relax and have sweet dreams and that they wld take care of me and such. And then I was out. I do not remember my vision fully fading or eyes fully closing, in my mind they stayed in that half closed state.

Ive heard ppl say it feels like blinking and waking up, but it did feel like sleep to me!!!! I know dreaming under anesthesia isn't really a thing, but waking up felt like....i was really waking up like normal and trying to remember traces of a dream after several hours of sleep.

I always thought it was silly seeing ppl ask if the surgery was over when they come out of it, but I did that. But like i swear it came out involuntarily??? Like i knew it was over....i think it was because I couldnt really SEE anything when i woke up, I could only hear staff speaking to me, and I can barely remember what they said. Vision was VERY very blurred. So I guess that question came out as substitute for Where Am I, and Who's Here With Me? Speaking felt like when audio unsyncs from a video, with my voice trailing far behind my words. I also remember being really bewildered bc there was some sort of residue on my lips, like when they're chapped and dry and cracking. I learned later this was bc of the intubation but i Didnt Know That Yet so i was just scared and thirsty.

Adding another "pain was less bad than the average period which has one Doubled Over" statement to the pile. Pain was at 3/10 or 4/10, which is to say if period pain is a whole abdomen event, this pain was small little bruises occasionally being brushed up against, just small throbs of sore pain in the 3 incision spots. I got an incision inside my belly button and that was the most present sensation, but that might also be bc I hate anything having to do with that area in general 😭 always feels weird.

My throat felt very DRY. It wasn't pain yet, it felt like when you're thirsty + dehydrated and your lips stick together at any slight moisture, but in the throat. Kept trying to look around and wiggle my fingers and toes in hopes that'd help me Come Out Of It sooner bc not being able to see was really frustrating me. I could not make out the face of the person watching over me for some time. I really wanted water !

HORROR when the person looking over me said i had a catheter still in me. Nightmare I wasnt counting on actually happening and wasnt mentally prepared for. I was told I would have one placed (make sure to ask if this is a concern for you!) but i thought they'd take it out before I woke up... I cldnt even feel it in me when I was told this! Which is good.

The staff of course had to remove blankets and open my gown a bit to access the area. But I did not feel any distress about this at the time.

Had a very funny slow motion distress response bracing self for removal. It did not hurt or sting at all, it just felt like [something I cant describe here]. Just pressure! It was pulled out gently but quickly of course.

After 1 hr i was wheeled to a separate private recovery room. The nurse uncovered my lower area to check if incisions were doing good so far as well as to check if I had been provided with a pad/underwear, as some patients have blood or other fluids come out as a result of the surgery.

parents came in, was so grateful for juice but in dismay over my food item being orange (i dont like citrus flavor) jello (i dont like jello 😭) i consumed all of both.

I also worried I'd feel weird about throwing my body parts away. But I dont feel anything ^_^ just feels very awesome and natural

Sore throat started further developing. Nurse came in after some time here, taught me how to Get Up. Was scary! I was worried about it hurting, but it was just more soreness.

Was able to go to the bathroom, went a very little bit but it was enough. I was very scared about seeing my incisions and being disgusted by them....but I caught a glance and it was Okey Yey. They are covered in surgical Glue and dont look gnarly, swollen, red or anything they look very cool ^_^ got dressed in stages as there was nothing to set clothes down on and sat back down on the bed. The bathroom connected to another room where somebody else was preparing for surgery.

Nurse came in with final post op instructions, upon describing nausea to me my skin got cold, stomach activated and krusty krab exploded with it. She was just barely able to get me a bag to throw up in. This exacerbated the throat pain. She encouraged me to get it all out especially since I also expelled gas, which is a good thing.

IV removal didnt hurt! Same level of pain as the tape around it being yanked off. I couldn't even tell it was over. I was wheeled out of the hospital. ^_^ i wore an oversized dress my sister lent me, and cheap target sandals so I wouldnt have to bend to tie shoes. My dad pulled up the car right outside. I brought a pillow to be a barrier in between the seat belt and my stomach.

Its 6:48 neow and I am laying down, but the pain is (currently) the same. I had another nausea (and release. Also exacerbated throat pain.) spell (while in walmart picking up the pain meds), was boiling alive in my very hot room, and was a bit dehydrated which may have contributed to some misery and nausea but as of right now I'm ok, i changed into lighter clothes, drank water, ate a bit, and situated self in a room with ac....i worry about getting up and becoming nauseous again 😭 i hate throwing up.

People are right about it being more discomfort than pain! You have to walk around every few hours, and it doesnt hurt but every step feels like my bellybutton is kinda pinching inward. Being tugged at from the inside. Ive gotten to a point where even chuckling makes me feel this very Sour soreness (not regular dull soreness) so maybe ill start the meds soon if necessary.... Squatting to sit doesnt hurt in a debilitating way, neither does actually sitting or putting on/stepping into clothing.

I couldnt nap because laying on my side doesnt hurt the incisions or anything, BUT its just the strange discomfort again. The weight of gravity on the body makes the incision sites feel very very weird in an abstract way i cant describe. It isnt pain. It feels like a mismatched sensation of some sort. Like if you touched your nose and somehow felt the touch on your knee. Adjacent to this. A very specific sensation sits in all the incision sites and drags down through your mattress to the ground and it feels Weird.

If you get up properly it really doesn't hurt to do so! Use your leg to get yourself fully onto your side, then use your arm to push yourself up into a sitting position.

I am very nervous from when all the good strong hospital meds wear off t_t i heard the day after is a struggle because of dis. but ive got the prescribed pain management on hand (extra strength ibuprofen and tylenol with codeine!! O_O) neow at least ^_^;

OH, AND THE DOCTOR TOOK FOTOS OF MY INSIDES LIKE I ASKED! ^_^ 🫶 I have glossy printed souvenir now! I dont exactly know wtf im looking at but its awesum LOL maybe i will ask for details at the follow up!

[intertexts]

OKAY. HI HI HI HI HI. THOUGHTS ON NHW MAL POWERS

i am going 2 leave the actual classification up to you because i dont have the innate sense of them yet like i do for classpects and such and i know im banned from the wiki rn so ill just talk about. base level What I Think He Can Do.

FIRST OF ALL. THE BIG THING. GHOUL. so. technically if i remember correctly. mal isnt a planeswalker like william is so ghoul is technically a separate being? ghoul is his guide, which is what allows him to go between the real world and the spirit world. HOWEVER. ghoul is nothing to me so in nhw world i think he should just be like. a separate form. mal turns into ghoul and its the same consciousness u know? hes the same guy hes just a freak now. worm comparison i am thinking is like. what rachel does to her dogs except hes doing it to himself. with the gross muscles and bones and big mouth and shit.

OTHER THAN THAT i thinkkkkkk. ok. hear me out. i am going 2 base this on a tweet bizly made forever ago (that im SO MAD i cant find a picture of rn) but the basics was like. u remember that nightmare dakota had back in season 1 where he saw william and vyncent kill summer . that was a nightmare that mal gave him in order to split the three of them up. SO WHAT IF. nhw mal has some sort of dream/mind manipulation abilities or something. hes had so many moments where he just like. appears out of the shadows in order to get them to do what he wants im just imagining the horror of that from an outside perspective just seeing one of the heroes mid battle just Fall Asleep for a while. but to them its like nothing happens and they dont realize it until he leaves and theyre waking up. do you see my vision here.

either that or i think his powers should be like. kind of countered to wibby? i know in pd his powers are similar to williams bc hes a ghost and everything but. im thinking we dont do that in nhw. INSTEAD. maybe in ghoul form or whatever he has heightened senses/abilities that allow him to see through things like invisibility and touch things that are intangible. (thinking abt this strategy-wise, it would be their goal to take him down as mal BEFORE he transforms bc then he becomes almost impossible for william to fight) . maybe this seems too targeted against william specifically but im jsut thinking like. ghoul in general just makes him more powerful and those are just a couple specific advantages he gets? uh oh im running out of words in my brain help

MAYBE THIS IS. TOO MUCH IN TOO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. so he doesnt have to have all of these at once. i am really just throwing spaghetti noodles at your inbox and seeing what sticks to the wall or whatever the phrase is. hi it took me like an hour to type all of this bc i kept getting distracted and forgetting words!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAHHHH YAYUAYAY THIS IS ALL GOOD SPAGHETTI!!!!!!! too much in too many directions is so fun dude i fucking love being the rubber ducky for shit like this!!

i REALLY ENJOY fucked up body horror changer shit... ough. (thats what him physically changing like rachels dogs would b, as opposed 2 breakers who-- oh god it's too late for this. umm. physical change different than energy form etc.)... he should get 2 be a weird terrifying freak thing. with bone & blood n stuff. & there's precedent for changing in a way that alters ur senses & powers etc..... maybe he choose what and how he transforms to respond in a certain way or target a certain scenario. i dont wanna go fishing rn but remind me tmrw n i'll rb this with some screenshots from ward of the guy im thinking of who this reminds me of!!

that being said the idea of him having big mind manipulation stuff is also SO compelling. god. being able to like... create illusions & scenarios that are completely fake. delude people or put them to sleep or mess with their cognition in ways they dont even notice... alter perception of reality.... especially if he has a wide range of effect?? that goes hard!!! how long would it last... how would u snap out of it... could he make u feel stuff that's not real??? ok ok ok getting off track. anyway. i love the idea of a fight with him being timed because he's transforming.... maybe a form that's just. very good at Seeing Things? mal/ghouls original job was like, as a cleaner for clarence, right? making sure everything in the afterlife's in order? so many choices...

[flowerscorpses]

Some people just shouldn’t become nurses

Like I dont know bro, if you cant sympathise with someone… this job is prob nothing for you

It was the first day, the day i had sufgery on my throat where they took out half a thyrpid because of a tumor, and like is spent like around four hours in the wake up room, i got told its normally around like 2-3 hours but whatever right

I woke up and i was so fkin drowsy and nauseous, i had to wait til the doc gave to ok that i can get into my station room. On the way i could barely open my eyes and this fkin nurse was like: "you should open your eyes or why are they so small? Are you chinese?" And this is so wrong in so many ways like wtf….

Anyway my parents came, i threw up, and i eventually fell asleep again. I woke the same day to the doc telling me that it was good that they took the thyroid out, bc the know was apparently very hard? And he proceeded to tell me that they damaged a nerve which led the paralysis of my right vocal cord. I tried to ask if it was like a bad tumor but he couldn’t hear me💀💀 one of the assistant doctors understood me tho and the doc said we will know in a week (so i will know monday about that)

Anyway. I fell asleep again only to wake up and threw up. My roommate, a sweet older lady who had cancer, called for the nurses on my behalf (i am so sorry i woke the lady up 💀)) And those nurses were nice and helpful and helped me calm down blah blah i went back to sleep

Next morning (friday) the one nurse came to wake us up. And she was like: "You are still sleeping? You should open your eyes or are they usually thid small"

Like bro wtf is your problem? Its not even 24 hours after the surgery what do you want from me i am in pain

But i couldn’t talk so whatever. I ignored her. I could t eat the breakfast bc of nausea. Lunch also was too difficult to eat. Even the cantine lady showed more sympathy than that fucking nurse.

Anyway the roomie old lady gossiped a little with me and said that the staff is a but weird and that they should know their work and not ask us how we want things (they like asked her what she wanna eat and how much and my roomie just didnt know bc she had like colon cancer). So we like gossiped a bit and she told me its weird af that they wilm release me saturday i already bc of the way i had to threw up and stuff and yeah its kinda weird but i wanna go home anyway so whatever

The bad nurse came into the room at one point again and told us we should stand up and move and that i really should stop having my eyes closed all the time. Even remembering this is frustrating me so much like wtf woman

Anyway at night another nurse came and gave smth against thrombosis, didn’t even hurt, i tried to sleep. But at one point late evening i hot sudden stabbing pains in my back and chest. I reflexively called for a nurse and bro…. It wasnt that one bad nurse it was another bad nurse i will call her nurse B. Nurse B asked whats wrong, and i tried to tell her that i am not getting much air. Admittedly my voice is really weak and almost non existent but her first reaction… she was like: "do you want painkiller?"

To your alls information i had gotten painkiller two hours before this incident. So i tried to convey her that, no, i had some already and that the problem is my chest and air

But the nurse B just was like disappointedly like: "So no painkiller?"

Bro i got so fkin frustrated i was near tears okay like i am in pain, i am scared af and this nurse is talking about painkiller to make her job easier. I said no and she left said she would get a serum for me. Whatever that serum is i have no idea. Anyway she left. I waited like 10 minutes. I texted my bestie instead and she like helped me calm down and agreed that it just might be anxiety and my head causing me chest tightness. So i decided to take a walk in the floorhall to get my brain tired and if i collapse someone would see and have to react. So i walked for like 10 minutes i think. I teyted a bit more with the bestie back in my room and fell asleep. I think it was like two hours later that nurse B returned with a Serum. I didn’t need it anymore but i could say or do anything at that time anymore so urgh luckily it didnt cause me damage. But normally they have to check in like 20 minutes later to get the empty bottle off and stuff… guess what? They didnt.

Its saturday now, I wake up to the assistant docs telling me that i can go home in a few hours after they pulled the pipe out of my throat. I was like okay cool and fell back asleep.

I woke up to the cantine lady bringing breakfast, she was like: awww you are leaving today already, Mausi?

And i dunno that lady was really nice and sweet to me, prob the best staff member in that hospital, she should get a raise just for her empathy.

I somehow fell asleep again i think? I am not sure or no i think i took my hormones and then had one bun and a chamomile tea and fell asleep after that. I woke up and found like painkiller juice for me on my table which i took bc pain. But there were two more pills for me to take. And i asked a nurse what that is for and she was like: those are painkillers

Like excuse me why are you giving me so many painkillers at once????? I didn’t take them for obvious reasons… like… i dunno bro thats overdosing. I might have intrusive thoughts but i still want to live.

Anyway bad nurse came and guess what she said? That i should stand up and move more and not sleep all the time. BITCH. I. AM. RECOVERING. FROM SURGERY. I. AM. FATIGUED. I HAVE HORMONAL IMBALANCE. I HAVE PAIN. I AM AWARE THAT MOVING IS GOOD MAYBE YOU SHOULD MOVE MORE AND DO UR WORK PROPERLY.

Omg wait did i say she gave me an thrombosis i jection the nigjt to saturday? I might have mixed up the day. Like the first one i got from another nurse which i didnt even notice, that was like the night to friday. And the second one i got the night to saturday and it was bad nurse giving me the injection.

I am sorry my mind is scattered okay like kdkdnndny It hurt so bad when she injected it. Normally u like pinch the tummy fat so it doesnt hurt. But bad nurse just stabbed the needle in. It burned for an hour and hurt. And today i noticed that it had bled.

Anyway back to the other part uhhhhh ah right. Bad nurse was there and told me to move yada yada yada. She took the pipe out of my throat and thank the fucking stars nothing happened while she did that. I only am left with a little hole that should be healing.

Two hours later i got the docs letter and everything and was able to leave that fkin place.

And i am still dizzy, tired and in pain.

But at least i got rid of this now

Puuuuh

Whoever read this.. i am sorry for wasting your time💀

Have a nice day

[n3ssier]

HELLO im bacc >;)))

So I keep lookin at your introduction post and fsr I CANT DECIDE WHAT TO PICK- I just wanted to ask like, can ya write a headcanon, but it has both Crypto from Apex and Ppl from r6? Im so super grateful that you didnt mind the emount of characters I requested last time 😭😭 i hope its bot a burden if I request again cause i kinda simp for all of the. 💀

You can just tell me if u dont wanna do this, or just scratch sum characters if its too many :)))))

Can you pleease write a ff (or headcanons, ehatevs ya wnat) where female reader LOVES hugs and is a generally super chill yet chirpy friend and as soon as she gets recruited, she becomes all friendly and tries to befriedn them and after like 1st day of meeting, she alredy sees them as her bestfriend and hugs them from behind as a goodmorning the next day-

Chars: Crypto, Echo, Vigil, Kapkan, Glaz, Jäger (Ik its all the same characters but I cant help my simping, also as i said you can not include whoever you want)

Ik its confusing and as I said before, you aint gotta write this at all💀🤚

ALSO- MOOTS? Saw that you needed friends so we can be bfs >:DD

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG :( ive had a lot going on and ive also got a job now so i have been short on time but finally got round to writing again!! i hope ya dont mind me doing some hcs and also only doing 4 out of 6 sexy men, bc i worry that if i do fanfics with them all then this will be a v long post bc ill get lowkey carried away😞 (also bc im feeling lazy rn, out here getting up 4am sleeping 12pm😭best lifestyle)

crypto

∙you two first meet on your second day on the job, and he is taken aback by how talkative you are (not in a bad way tho dwdw :)

∙the other legends don’t rlly talk to him outside of the gunfights/workplace so he just doesn’t talk to them either, which is why he was so surprised when you came up to him and tried to befriend him as soon as you’d met him

∙the pride he feels when you start asking about his gadgets goes unmatched, he tries to explain them as easily as possible but gets carried away quickly, leaving you a confused mess and him an embarrassed one as he realises how distracted he got

∙the next morning he’s making breakfast in the break room when he feels you hug him from behind, and he honestly is so tempted to put his hands on yours and stay there but he wants to play it off cool ofc so he just greets you and continues preparing his food

∙this is the EXACT moment he fell for ya

glaz

∙he never expected you to be so talkative or cheery when you joined, but he was happy nonetheless

∙will intently listen to you while smiling and give you facts if he knows any on whatever you’re talking about

∙you guys end up talking for like 3 hours just about anything, he’s kinda curious about you, and ends up asking you a bit about your life in general 

∙would make a lot of effort to help and teach you things, seen as you’re new to r6

∙when you come up to him and hug him as a good morning he chuckles before turning around to hug you back quickly and loosely

∙he could get used to this tho

kapkan

∙ngl he is annoyed at first when you talk to him for the first time, he finds the chat pointless, but after an hour or so he lets his guard down

∙he never realised that chatting with people was so fun until this day, or maybe it was just something about you specifically that gave him the good time, who knows !?

∙he honestly thinks ur pretty cute talking about all the random topics that peak your interest, asking him about 1000 questions aswell

∙when he feels your arms around him the next morning he freaks out

∙tries to push you off, as much as he enjoys it sadly he is too flustered and also not used to physical contact

∙he slowly stops pushing you away the more you come up to him and the more you are hanging round with him

jäger

∙when he first meets you he thinks you’re cool asf, especially when you strike a conversation with him

∙similar to crypto, he feels so much pride when you ask about his gadgets, its like a huge ego boost

∙you guys are sooooo chatty, talking about anything and everything, but make the cutest duo

∙you listen to his rambling and he will listen intently to you back

∙there is NEVER a dull moment between you two😭

∙the other gsg9 members are just happy that he has got someone to listen to him so that they don’t have to LMAO

∙when he feels you hug him from behind the next morning he is a little bit confused but happily hugs you back in return, he definitely thinks about it for the rest of the day tho

[liquidstar]

(quotes i like from your WIP 4/4) i'm really surprised polaris has no experience hunting w/ that spear she carries around O_O since she carries it around, you know, i'd guessed she knows how to use it 😭 

which is partially related to my next point: i loved how many times i was reading and had thought, "*points* Inuk-coded" :D everything from how she quietly complained when her compass broke, rather than screaming (even though she was already hungry, + cold and uncomfortable in wet clothes T~T), to how she took a deep breath to compose herself, to how she comforts herself gently... so good... Polaris Inuk(-coded) moments... 🥲 you thought out her actions so well!!! and you also thought out how, even though she has clearly been influenced by Inuit(-coded) culture, she still has distance from the traditional Inuit(-coded culture's) way of life (i.e. she doesn't know how to fish) bc she was raised by someone non-Inuk(-coded) :0 !!! DETAILS!!!! 🤩

YEAH SHE HAS NO EXPERIENCE i wanted to make it pretty clear shes really not used to it at all and is kinda fumbling around, because its not actually hers! well, it is now, but it wasnt always. so shes tryinggg shes very green still. i do intend for there to be multiple scenes of her training w her teammates and other guild members to get better at stuff like this too

BUT IM GLAD YOU THINK SO BC I THINK ABT THE ARTICLE AND STUFF YOU SEND ME WHILE WRITING HER. i wanna do my best obviously, so i try to keep it in mind esp when shes dealing w stressful circumstances or things that may make someone angry. she shant yell. BUT thats also part of why the hunger is being emphasized bc (spoilers in case i post this bit later ig?) after a particularly stressful encounter with two idiots (guess who) which saiph intercepts, she actually does Kind Of yell at him. its nothing crazy, pretty tame by others standards, but in the next scene she feels reaaaallly embarrassed and guilty for acting that childish and pretty much immediately apologizes. and then also reveals that it wasnt just a skipped breastfed, she hadnt eaten for like 4 days to which hes like "dude i get cranky after a few hours PLEASE dont feel bad. also please order seconds wtf" she was in that forest for a minute.

AND (end spoilers sorry!) about the fishing too- shes also lived a pretty isolated life from a lot of things, partly due to herself being so... self-isolating. theres a reason she kept being called "the lone girl" through the little excerpt! like yes because shes alone, of course, but shes Literally the lone girl. thats her. but not for long!

[thisisegregiouuuus]

the cat in the hat is one of the worst movies ever, it is so gross and the cat is not even a cat idk what it is, some kind of spawn from hell, and its a disgusting terrible movie, so gross that dr seuss's wife was apaprently and RIGHTFULLY repulsed by the movie so she banned live action adaptions for her husbands books. thank GOD

i do not like the cat in the hat but on the other hand its so funny and i love it like its so much fun, its so terrible that its actually fun. i still hate it tho

anyway im kind of going thru a crisis rn, idk what to put for my pfp on here, i dont wanna go all out with the cat in the hat stuff bc then ill actually throw up so im only changing my banner (im the 'guy in the sweater that asks all the obvious questions' TRUST me, aka the cat in the hat w a blond wig)

so yeah idk what to put for my pfp. its usually smth that i rlly love at this moment but rn im not rlly into anything, like rn i do love the cat in the hat but in a way where i also hate it and if i see too much of it and i realise it MIGHT. MIGHT. be becoming a phase/interest, i will vomit everything out, but otherwise i dont have anything else going on for me! it rlly hurt to remove the luis serra stuff tho </3 RIP MY LUIS SERRA GET UP!!!! I LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE MISSED!!!

ANYWAY!!! so far on here i havent talked abt much besides the shining i thnik, but i like a whole bunch of random different things, so i guess im a multi-fandom person or smth, but yeah im into a lot of different things and franchises or idk whatever u wanna call them

rn im getting back into rh on roblox!!! ive been playing since i was like idk 10 or smth so yeah, not to brag or anything, but im kind of a pro 😼 (im actually not ive never even gotten a halo). but i do go into these phases where im suddenly rlly interested to play rh, i get super invested in it for like a week or so, then i drop it and dont touch it for a few months, then i come back and see whats new. rinse and repeat! its like that for most of my other interests too but yeah

anyway besides all that i dont do much on rh, i just hop on, do my dailies, might play the musical chairs thing, and thats abt it! the only other thing i love to do on there is dress up and make new ocs. not even kidding, i have a whole google doc dedicated to my like 20 rh ocs on there, who are mostly under developed lmao. i also like making stupid impuslive decisions with my diamonds and buying things ik i dont need, like i was so close to spending alllll my hard earned diamonds that are already kind of hard to get nowadays on dorm stuff bc i loved how cool and creative ppl could get with their dorms, but i am not a builder, only a decorater. i am a lover not a fighter

so yeah anyway im soooooooo glad the summer thing is gonna be over in like 2 days bc its abt time. like omg. im so excited for the halloween stuff tho, the halloween updates are usually the best/my favs in rh and while i dont rlly think the rh devs are gonna make any kind of new halloween event bc theyre busy with other stuff, im still hopeful and mostly excited to buy myself the whimsy witch heels, and maybe the bat mo heels.

so anyway, back to what i was saying, i made a new oc on rh!!! i have no idea what shes abt tho. shes totally gorgeous and i love her sm but like i have no idea what to do with her, im still deciding on her personality, but i have no idea what her name or occupation/backstory/hobbies and stuff are gonna be, and usually when im making a character, i decide that stuff along the way as i make them, but im still rlly undecided.

anyways im gonna show a few pics of her that i took (bc if theres one thing i lvoe more than wasting many hours trying to perfect how my ocs look, its spending even longer taking photos of them afterwards!)

the first 2 are my absoloute favourites. shes just so pretty dude like i lvoe looking at her liek PLEAASSEEEE JUST ONE CHANCE!!! LET ME BE THE ONE!!!!! shes gorgeous i love her

but yeah i have noooo idea what im gonna do for her. a lot of my rh ocs are mythical creatures also and i have no idea what kind fo mythical creature im gonna make her, or if shes just gonna be a regular human or smth, but thats too boring

so yeah. i love her so much but idk how or where to get inspo for her and what shes abt and stuff

also i kind of rlly want her to interact and maybe even be friends with my other oc, kitty

ive introduced kitty on here before but it was a private post i posted ages ago so ill just make a separate post for kitty. but yeah thats abt all!!

[starlostseungmin]

HI DARLING OH MYB GOD YOU POSTED IT ALREADY OH MY GOD OMOGOGM im the anon who requested skz x 1d songs im so sorry i locked in the whole day bc i have anatomy finals tomorrow for uni xD

listening to 1d songs as i read it (i miss my 1d boys <//3) fr i was a directioner before i was a stay and this makes me so happy

i agree so HARRRDDDDD perfect and little things are both made FOR chan and BY chan omg you’re so right the way he can be so insecure about himself i just wanna shower him with compliments and remind him that hes beautiful every hour every minute every second of the day </3 and the way you made hyunjin’s last first kiss was PERFECT🥹 i love this song so much (take me home 1d’s best album, i stand by it) han and felix would be the type to be in a fun and adventurous couple doing just about anything and everything and just vibing midnight memories & why dont we go there describes them so perfectly ❤️‍🩹now onto my baby my innie <//////3 both summer love and fool’s gold are so angsty but when u put it this way it is beautiful 💔 i want to for real go on dates with jeongin where we go on picnics and just vibe, or go restaurant hopping and rate their burgers and just be silly together and now i’m realizing he is also so change my mind coded AAAAHHHHH

this is so very delusion inducing and i’m gonna be brainrotting this for WEEKS while listening to 1d songs with a smile on my face again !!! the way you wrote for each member and matched them with one direction songs I AGREE SO HARD i cried you actually posted this bc i’ve been looking through ao3 wattpad and all of tumblr and ONLY YOU did it im so happy this is my 1dxskz crumbs fr THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥹 i’ve been following you since 2022 and have my notifs on HAHAH :D i love ur works and i just wanna know what your favorite one direction song(s) is/are 💗

sorry for yapping i just appreciate this so much xD

HI HI HI OMG GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FINALS TOMORROW!! YOU'LL DO GREAT 💖

i was actually waiting for your response in regards with the headcanon AAAAND i'm so happy that you loved it!! i was a directioner way back in 2012-2015 tho and i still listen to their songs until now (fr fr i miss them too and has been waiting for a freaking reunion 😭)

it took me hours to find a song that would suit each member, skimmed and scanned every possible songs with their lyrics HSKSKSK i was supposed to write What A Feeling for seungmin, No Control for lee know and Happily for jeongin but yeah 🥹 there are a lot of 1D songs that could describe the members HSKSKSKSKS i wish i could write them all down HAHA hyunjin could be Long Way Down too yk? the one that really got me is Last First Kiss for him and Temporary Fix for changbin, chan is obviously Perfect of course and Lixie has a lot of potential songs, Han too 🫶🏻✨

i appreciate you having to ask me about it, and i apologize it took a while to have it posted here 😭 i wanted to write more of this but i have another series to finish HSJSKSKS too many wips in my google docs too AAAAA and thank you so much for being with me since 2022, for having my notifs on and for loving my works 🥺 i wasn't expecting it, you’re so precious honestly!! ☹️💖

as for my favorite songs, THERE'S A LOT OF THEM LIKE; Love You Goodbye, Infinity, Ready to Run, Why Don’t We Go There, Where Do Broken Hearts Go, More Than This, Half A Heart, I Wish, Moments, They Don’t Know About Us, Olivia, Spaces, Up All Night, Perfect, Best Song Ever and the list goes on 😭😭😭 ooooh and i loved harry and niall btw 😔 how about you? mehehehe

[shwarmii]

also last post i said my body was "likely-POTS-raddled" and like. that is very true BUT ALSO I WANNA VENT A LIL REAL QUICK

i get why i probably have undiagnosed POTS

i can't be outside in the sun/anywhere warm or hot for long without feeling nauseous and sick. meaning i might as well be agoraphobic with how little i go outside since i live in Southern California where our seasons are "hot" and "hotter" with a day or two of rain dispersed randomly. despite feeling like this, i only sweat sometimes, AND no matter what i do my circulation is so poor that i feel icy to the touch even though i feel like i am boiling. as a result, i have the a/c on always (to the point my mama has said i "live in a meat locker" lmao rip), tend to do errands late afternoon or evening, and prefer hanging out with friends into the night. a very frequent symptom of POTS is the body have an inability to regulate its internal temperature, resulting in heat making a lot of POTS patients feel nauseous. poor circulation is also common in POTS patients

while packing, i fainted about four times even though i was eating well-enough and whatnot, simply because i was bending up and down so often due (1) to these boxes i had to fill up and move about and, (2) instead of the usual "i sit for hours" stuff i do (due to chronic leg pain making walking/standing painful), i was taking breaks by sitting for a bit and then getting up. like i started to actually feel dizzy getting up/down even when i wasnt fainting (yet), like i could FEEL it almost happen. and when it would happen, it wasnt "oh, light black dots surrounding my vision with somewhat jelly-legs because i stood up too fast" that id get once in a while for my whole life (i forget if thats bc of low blood-sugat or low blood-pressure but still) but it was proper FULL BLACKNESS and my knees buckling all because i slowly stood up and took a step forward. i had to grab onto things to keep from hitting my head on the floor and got very lucky i didnt lose consciousness >> be unable to grab something and protect my head, bc i was risking getting a concussion from how i was Not Falling Safely (i never learned to fall safely, unfortunately). though a majority of POTS patients dont faint, it is a key-note symptom of the condition and usually happens when the person is going from sitting to standing and whatnot as their body disregulates and overracts to the movement

my medical practioners have gone "huh" and taken my heart-rate twice or three times bc it was "way too high". like. sometimes its been "a normal level of high, lots of people get a faster heart-rate bc going to the doctor makes them nervous" and thats my "normal" with them. but lately theyve been going "...okay let's do that again bc all youve done is walk over and sit down, i get youre severley anxious/have PTSD/have medical trauma but c'mon". apparently, it's common for POTS patients' heart-rate to disregulate and treat standing and walking over somewhere as rigorous exercise, which could explain my "way too high heart-rate"

and other symptoms (my chronic migraines, shakiness, chronic fatigue, brain fog, chronic memory loss, and so many more) and even masked-symptoms (i used to have a lot of shortness of breath so then i got REALLY GOOD at breath control very young to mitigate the issue, like to the point that singers in my life have complimented me on it and said its impressive (i cant sing well tho alas, its in my bucket list to take classes and develop the skill). but i still have trouble breathing after exertion of any kind, but i always have this memory of one P.E. teacher in my head forcing me to take a step back to regulate my breathing back, bc he once told us "Don't you ever stop breathing or hold it in or do shallow breaths when doing somrthing hard. Shit could kill you. Do you know how many old people die on the toliet because they held their breath as they tried to take a shit? Do you want that to be how you die? Your pants down, failing to take a shit? Breathe. Long and deep. Force it to happen. Don't you ever hold it in." lmao thanks, teach)

like

i gET IT. POTS IS LIKELY ONE OF MY (MANY) CONDITIONS

but also im not allowed to have POTS

because the only reason i already knew what POTS was when my friends started going "Hey. Hey, maybe you should look into POTS? Like, maybe ask your doctor about it?" (which she said i couldn't have it bc i dont faint (which i found out is untrue) and we have since discovered ACTUALLY I DO FAINT, i just dont bend up/down often and i also tend to stay seated for hours on end once i do sit) is because of tiktok. like. my fyp put me on POTS Tiktok and i stayed there for a few weeks bc a lot of POTS Tiktok is usually these women showing how their partner cares for them, that love and romance is possible while disabled, that their POTS didnt ruin their date but just meant the pair of them had to sit down on the floor for a while while their boyfriend helped raise their feet. very cute shit, it helped like a soothing balm on my internalized ableism ass' "nobody could ever wanna date me bc im sickly" heart. but yeah. so i was in that hub for several weeks and learned a lot of things about it via osmosis. but so many of these videos featured women fainting so i was like "lol not me" bc i hadnt started packing to move >> bent up/down a lot >> fainted several times yet. but yeah no i (jokingly) refuse to have POTS tho because then that shit means TIKTOK DIAGNOSED ME FIRST. ILLEGAL. NOT ALLOWED TO HAPPEN. NO. UNCONSTITUTIONAL BEHAVIOR. THAT ALGORITHM IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE DIAGNOSED ME FIRST, FUCK NO LMAO

[orbdog]

first selfies i have taken in literally months

griping and general life updates under the cut ✌️🤪

SO ive mentioned it vaguely, but after i left WV in september 2021, a lot went down that i dont really need to get too into. a had a falling out with my friends, one being someone i knew since i was 16 and my ex boyfriend. for a lot of reasons and im definitely at fault for quite a few of said reasons.

after that, i had to bring patches (the stray i took in) to a shelter because he just couldnt thrive with his ne family. hes too afraid of dogs. my bird danny passed away. july 2021-now has been one traumatic event after another and it really fucked me up.

ive been taking like 300-400mg of benadryl multiple times a day every day since then. ive been literally tripping at work. its permanently fucked up my brain in so many ways. namely a (likely permanent) state of psychosis and a sudden downturn in the OCD department. i spend literally 2-4 hours a day picking at my skin. its bad. im constantly fighting infection. being dehydrated constantly is causing a lot of issues with most of my organs also.

im in the process of recovery and it isnt easy. part of that has been going on a diet since the medication they had me on for a while caused me to gain weight which didnt really help with the whole...becoming a shut in thing. im off it now and i am genuinely making progress. this is the first time ive tried to lose weight in a healthy way, which isnt easy because ED brain doesnt shut up. but im feeling a little more human. turns out not being delirious 24/7 makes a lot of this easy. who knew lmao

idk thats it. i dont wanna get too into detail or complain too much. just expect me to be less insane lately or smth idk 🕺

im also trying to work towards a manager position eventually bc i cant work at another store and my favorite people keep leaving. and im a control freak ❤️

[areislol]

Love your streamer AU btw. Can I request Xiao, Childe, Kaeya, or any characters really. Reacting and reading "(Them) x (The Reader)" Fanfics? It's so common for streamers to at least have shipping fanfics and I want to see how it goes for them XD

helloooo!! im glad you guys are enjoying the streamer! au series, i already did childe and you can find him here -> reading a fanfic about them x y/n Have a good day!! mwa <3 btw, this is before they meet irl^^ y'all i was going to add dain but im a bit tired so im sorry ;( might add him soon <3 OR SOMEONE REQUEST FOR THIS POOR MAN PLS streamer! xiao, kaeya x online friend! reader recommend listening to: love maze - bts

streamer! xiao x online friend! reader • xiao, as a big, famous and successful streamer knows about fanfics, but he never read them. why would he even? they were just a simple story that had no meaning. • today, you was out with some of your friends so you couldn't talk nor ft xiao until you came back. • but you still try to make it work, you text xiao while your friends are busy talking - "are your friends leaving you out?" "no, i dont think so?" • (why r u even friends w/ them.) • anyways, while xiao is bored out of his mind bc you aren't there to text and talk to him - xiao decided to occupy his mind with.. fanfiction. • (listen xiao was just like i said: bored.) • xiao has seen way too many ship edits of you two on tiktok AND fanfiction. • xiao was hesitant to read one at first but gave in when you didn't text in 1 minute(he misses u sm pls come back) • the first thing xiao reads is a headcannon of 'xiao x you' on how you two would be like together. xiao x you shippers are FAITHFUL. • xiao when reading the hc, he could literally feel the way his face heated up - the way his heart beat was beating rapidly made him push his chair backwards resulting in his chair rolling around. • (basically xiao is reading from his pc and then SOMETHING catches his eye and he just pushes himself backwards still on his chair and the force spins him and his chair around - so xiao's hand is covering his mouth while he's spinning..) • you were still hanging out with your friends - honestly, you would rather be on ft with xiao or just be texting him but right now you was walking with your friends talking. • now, that hc got xiao in a chokehold as xiao finds himself looking and reading through more and more fanfiction, xiao's kind of in a trance?? • he's so mesmerized by how people describe your guys relationship and he reads so many "x reader/x y/n" fanfiction because he just LOVES to imagine what it's like to date you and everything. • xiao spends a good amount of time, and when i meant an amount of time i mean like HOURS - xiao doesn't even realize that he has been reading and looking at fanfiction until he hears a buzz coming from his phone. • xiao snaps back into reality and jumps up and goes to his phone, xiao grabs his phone and checks his notification, hoping that the notification would be from you, and to his surprise and joy - it was from you! • "hey xiao, im omw to my house rn - wanna ft soon?" xiao could've sworn that he heard your voice while he was reading that text in his mind. • xiao quickly responds to you "hey, and sure thing. tell me when you're back home safely" (cutie <3) • xiao took a big breath in, gosh your so adorable(just bc u said 'wanna ft soon?') • xiao rushed to his pc, his tab still open - it was a fanfiction about xiao x y/n. • xiao hesitated before he closed the tab, oh but dont worry - xiao bookmarked AND liked the fic, a few minutes later you call xiao and you two are off to ft • you and xiao play games together and you discuss about your day. you and xiao also plan what you two should stream and play tomorrow. • after a few hours, you go to sleep. "ah anyways night xiao. text you tmr?" "oh okay, sleep well." xiao's upset that you have to go now but he can't show it or else ;( • after you go to sleep, xiao sighs. what should i do now? ! he should read that fanfiction that he couldn't finish. xiao goes to his bookmark and goes onto the fic - he finished all of it within an hour or two. • honestly, that ONE fanfic had an impact on xiao because xiao has this routine where if xiao's bored and you're out or just xiao has some spare time he'll read some fanfictions and hcs. • bonus: btw, i feel like xiao would go through the 'meant to be initials' on tiktok to see if his initials are with you. if not then xiao would just keep on scrolling and scrolling until he finds one. saves on and takes a ss of it, he also has a wallpaper of you and together on ft with love hearts near your face(not in a creepy way ofc) what have u done to this man..

streamer! kaeya x online friend! reader • now kaeya is FULLY aware of this. kaeya has seen all the edits of him, all the edits of you and him AND fanfics. • honestly, everyone would think that kaeya would read them and repost/reblog them but nope!! tho kaeya knows about them - he doesn't necessarily read them. • kaeya's busy in life over all, people asking him to collab, having to edit his videos(kaeya could've paid someone to edit his videos but he's not that cruel so..) and many more, plus - you're much more important than some fanfiction. • one day, kaeya was streaming a game and you joined the stream and vc. you two talked for hours, you interacted with kaeya's viewers - they gave you questions and you answered. • there was one question that caught your attention "have you ever read fanfictions about you and kaeya?" • kaeya, hearing this bc it was a donation - he paused his game and turned to you - "did i hear fanfiction?" "uh... yeaaa?" • "well have you ever read them? like a fanfic about us..?" "no i've never read them before- have you?" • kaeya said no and you two just left the question at that. kaeya resumed back to the game and you just went back to the questions - but there was one thing that you and kaeya kept in mind 'fanfictions about you two' • it's normal for 2 streamers to get shipped and many people making fanfictions about them, but you've never thought that you and kaeya would be included - but kaeya knew. he just never really had the time to read them. • "ah anyways bye guys! i'll be streaming tomorrow so make sure that you don't forget, love you all." • "bye kaeya!! have fun on whatever you're going to do next and take care, and bye everyone!" • after stream ended - kaeya sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. the word 'fanfiction' was still stuck in kaeya's mind - now kaeya was curious. the viewers question confirmed that there are fanfics about you two, and now that kaeya's curious - he can't help but feel like he has to read one. and he obliged his feeling. • kaeya opened up the tab and typed 'kaeya x y/n' and yep, right in front of kaeya was thousands of fanfics, many were there because of their popularity and some were just there for recommendation. • kaeya, excited yet nervous clicked on the first site which was on tumblr(wink wink) it brought him to a site where many fanfics popped up. • kaeya read the first couple fanfics which were normal, but then when he scrolled down to where headcannons where there were 'x y/n' - now that caught his eye. • he read the first couple sentences and once he scrolled down, the more kaeya got red. the headcannon was way too detailed and it got kaeya imagining things.. like how it was to date you and what it was like playing 2 player couple games with you(although kaeya WILL eventually play a game like that with you). • the more kaeya read the more kaeya become love struck(even though he was already). • sometimes, kaeya sends you these fanfiction and you two read them together. while reading them - kaeya's EXTREMELY flustered when reading them. it was honestly adorable watching kaeya struggling to read the fanfiction with you <3

a/n: if u enjoyed this pls go check out my other genshin hcs/like + follow + reblogs r appreciated!! note: i feel so bad cuz im not posting any series :( but i hope you guys enjoy this!! im doing another request rn <3

[oftenderweapons]

I have a prompt!!! Joonie gets jealous of yn’s friendship with a coworker and decides to send her flowers and give her a big sexy kith in front of everyone after work

Okie, probs Joon would never smooch Vixen in front of her office (mostly bc Vixen wouldn't let him — and she'd make him sleep on the sofa for a couple nights cause "That's my workplace, you dumbass!") HOWEVER let's act as if he isn't a celebrity and she isn't the most private human being on Earth.

There we go!

Pairing: Namjoon x Vixen

Wordcount: <1k

Genre: established relationship, romance, allusive

Rating: 18+

Trigger warnings: making out (with audience), jealous!Joon, smooth!Joon, mentions of oral sex/thight riding.

THIRST HOURS ARE OPEN — SEND PROMPT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken a while for Namjoon to catch up on the extra attention the new assistant was giving you. You had been driven home more than a couple times as your latest project grew gradually more and more complicated. Plus, he could never use the excuse of bringing you coffee to see you during your breaks, since the damn assistant was always ahead of him.

He was growing impatient. And petty. Though his brain insisted on him being rational, one too many late nights lead to the inevitable. He was furious at the man trying to take his spot. It was his own duty to make sure you ate and took your breaks and to drive you home — after all, he had finally managed to get his license only to come pick you up and drag you home whenever you stayed at the office too long.

“Hello darling!” you called from the door.

“Did you eat?” was his immediate reply.

You chuckled and taunted him, “Not even 'hello'?” You knew the question was part worry and part jealousy. He was checking whether you had had dinner with Noah.

“I had dinner delivered at the office. Did you eat?” you asked, just in case he wanted some company.

“Did you have it delivered or did Noah bring it to you?” His tone was venomous, but not toward you. He basically hissed out your assistant's name. You were quite sure that he would apply for the job weren't it for the tiny inconvenience of him being a grammy-nominated artist.

“I had it delivered. Easy, grizzly bear,” you joked before standing before him, running your fingers through his hair to soothe him a little. Too bad you could almost feel the cogs of his pretty head spinning at full speed.

The following day, you realised you could give him a little treat, trying to ease his poor nerves and letting him mark the territory.

Around dinner time, you texted him. The office was empty enough for him to roll around casually without anyone bothering him. So you texted him.

Would you like to bring me some dinner, Joonie bear?

His reply was immediate.

Isn't there ~Noah~ bringing it to you~~~?

You couldn't believe he actually used italics in his text. Good god, he was so annoyed... It made you chuckle mischievously, but at the same time, you decided to reward him for how he had been so disciplined in controlling his jealously.

I wanted to see your big, sexy body though... I guess I'll have to ask "~Noah~" then... :(((

He replied in a nanosecond.

I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE DON'T YOU DARE ASK THE BLOB

You rolled your eyes and laughed out loud. You felt a bit sorry for the poor man; sure, he'd been flirty and courteous in a couple occasions, but it was no big deal. You would always turn him down.

He arrived just in time to assist to Namjoon's great entrance in the workroom where you were currently finishing your miniature building. “Where's my little fox?” he asked from the door, a large, smug grin on his face.

You rolled your eyes at his impertinence, but could you blame him? Not really.

And he was carrying a lush deep purple orchid with him. “Hi, Joonie, come in!”

Namjoon smiled even brighter, fried chicken in one hand, orchid in the other. “Hi baby.” He willingly ignored Noah for a few minutes, kissing your forehead before looking at your project. “You're doing such a good job here, darling.” He bent and studied the miniature, “Wow.” He kissed your forehead again before officially noticing your colleague. “Oh, hi there.”

Noah stood, blinking in confusion once he realised he was half a head shorter than Namjoon. And maybe two thirds of his size. “I'm ____'s coworker, Lim Noah.”

“I'm Kim Namjoon, her fiancé.” Namjoon emanated all his friendly vibes with that statement, using his kindness as a weapon. Noah was no menace. Not with the way your hand was touching the top of Namjoon's ass, away from the assistant's glance. “But let's keep it between the three of us, uh?” Namjoon winked and Noah seemed to give up the fight entirely.

Your fiancé turned towards you. “One more orchid for your little collection. And dinner.” He placed everything on a spare desk. “Make sure to eat everything, mh? Be a good girl.”

You licked your lips and shook your head at the whispered comment, a smirk appearing on your face.

“There's a note on the flowers. You'll need it later.” Read it, he meant. “Can't wait to have you home.”

“I'll be there in a couple hours,” you reassured him.

As he watched your hands grab the note and open it, he spotted your ring finger. Empty?! “Honey, Where's the ring?”

While still reading the note, cheeks catching fire, you untucked a small necklace from your blouse, showing him your engagement ring safely latched there. “I dont want to ruin it when I'm building projects.”

He nodded curtly, reassured. “I'll go, then.”

Noah froze when you stretched your hand towards Namjoon, your man catching it and tugging you in his embrace before tipping your chin up and pressing his lips to yours, entirely forgetting about having an audience the moment you sucked his lower lip in between yours, his tongue greeting your own and envelopping around it, much like his arms around your body, making you squeal once his hand shamelessly, possessively grabbed your left ass-cheek and squeezed it.

You were breathless, way past cloud nine when he took a step back. “We're picking up from there later.”

You giggled like a schoolgirl before he lazily turned around with a hazy look on his face. “Bye Noah.”

You rubbed a hand across your face, oh so embarrassed. But also horny.

Was there a chance he would eat you out in the women's bathroom if you asked kindly enough? Maybe you were still in time to climb in his car and rub yourself all over his thigh once you reached your private parking lot in your building.

“He's very intense,” Noah commented, staring at the floor, his whole face and ears red.

“He is,” you confirmed with a smug grin.

Hope you won't be too tired when you get home, I wanna wear you out with my "big, sexy body". I love you, baby fox. Can't wait to have your taste all over my tongue.

You read the note again. “He really is.”

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[k3rm1e]

hiihi !! ive been loving all the stuuf yoube been wirting latley its so good :^D i ws wondering if i ciuld have some hcs ,or just a onrshot either or i dont mind, of reader geeting sick and mumza nd dadza take care of them ?? bc i lovr mr and mrs minecraft <33 liek like reader like "ahh im finr mr minecraft" and they have 102° fever Nd have a runny nose and mr minecatft is liek "mmm no i dont thnik so m8" nd yaeh !! they/them pronouns but i thnk uve benn doing that arleady - :^) anon

sickly

hiihi !! ive been loving all the stuuf yoube been wirting latley its so good :^D i ws wondering if i ciuld have some hcs ,or just a onrshot either or i dont mind, of reader geeting sick and mumza nd dadza take care of them ?? bc i lovr mr and mrs minecraft <33 liek like reader like "ahh im finr mr minecraft" and they have 102° fever Nd have a runny nose and mr minecatft is liek "mmm no i dont thnik so m8" nd yaeh !! they/them pronouns but i thnk uve benn doing that arleady - :^) anon

:^) anon my beloved;;;;; i love your brain. this could go two ways depending on whether you’re staying with phil or if you guys are online so i went with your staying with him. i also did a one shot but if you want hcs i hv no problem writing some :) i hope this is good!

cw: cursing

mumza and dadza take care of you:

  it had finally happened. while covid wasn't fully over just yet, many had gotten the vaccine and conventions were opening up again. which meant two things: meetups and twitchcon. finally, you could meet some of your supporters and see your friends.

  “mom, are we almost there?” your mom was driving you to the airbnb you’d be staying at with a few of the other dream smp members. at first, you assumed you’d all be staying in separate hotel rooms. but, this way, you could spend more time with friends, save money, and your mom wouldn’t have to be with you the whole time. there had already been many long conversations between philza and your mom to make sure you’d be safe staying with everyone.

  “yes, sweetie. almost there. we’re just two minutes closter than when you asked earlier.” ok, sue you, maybe you were a bit excited. but really, who could blame you? making in person friends had never been easiest, so the majority of your friendship were with people online. not being able to see or meet anyone for so long had been excruciatingly painful. 

  within ten minutes, you had finally arrived at the airbnb. quickly jumping out you ran to the door, obnoxiously ringing the doorbell. through the door, you heard an accented voice yell out, “i’m coming, i’m coming!”. at this point you were springing up and down on your tippy-toes, ready to spring out of your skin.

  the door opened and you were greeted by a very tired and annoyed looking wilbur, “hello?”.

`   “WILBURRRR!!!” you were screaming in his face (unintentionally), waking him up from his drowsiness. you launched yourself in his arms, not paying attention to your mother’s bewildered expression. you quickly let go of him and shoved past him, “i’m gonna go say hi to everyone!” distantly you heard wilbur begin to talk to your mother, explaining what you guys were doing.

  while running around you said hi to tommy, tubbo, ranboo, eret, fundy, niki, techno, phil and kristin. the others were either staying in another airbnb or in their own hotel rooms. after about thirty minutes, wilbur had finally stopped talking to your mom.

  “yes, ma’am. i can promise you they’ll be completely safe. you have absolutely nothing to worry about.” wilbur was calmly talking with your mother, looking more and more tired by the minute.

  “alright. thank you.” your mother called you over. “come give me a hug and say bye!” slowly dragging your limbs over, you let her hug you. behind you you could hear wilbur and phil laughing at you.

  “bye mom…” she was holding onto you tightly, petting down your hair.

  “oh, sweetie, i love you so much. i’m so happy you found something you're passionate about and made so many lovely friends while doing so.” as much as you loved your mom, the small snickers behind you were getting quite embarrassing. you could hear that tommy had joined in on the laughing. 

  “... i love you too, mom. can you let go now?” you tried pulling back, but all she did was pull you closer.

  “oh, but i just don’t wanna let you go. i love you so much, you know that right?”

  “i know, mom. i love you too. but you’ve gotta get home and i have to unpack and get ready for meeting with fans tomorrow.” you finally got her to pull away, “i love you mom, okay? thank you for letting me do this.”

  “oh, i love you too, sweetie.” and with that, your mom left. after watching her pull out of the driveway and down the street, you whipped around.

  “not. a. single. word.” you stared dead in the boy’s eyes, seeing just how much wilbur was about to burst out laughing.

  “what? personally, i think it’s very sweet.” tommy was smiling, purposely pissing you off. “so sweet, how much your mom loves you.”

  “shut your fucking mouth, tommy.” you stared deadpan at him and began walking inside and over to the kitchen.

  “what? i didn’t say anything wrong! i was just simply commenting on your very, very sweet relationship with your mother.”

  kristin moved forward to talk to you, “for what it’s worth, i do thing you hae a very sweet relationship with your mom.”

  “thank you. you’re the only good one in this house, kristin minecraft.” with that she laughed, and you all continued on with your evening. after staying up late watching old youtube videos, you all went to bed. in the morning you would have your first day of three at twitchcon, meeting fans and other creators alike. 

  for around 10 hours, you stood in booths signing fanart, prints, notebooks, and the like. meeting so many different people was eye opening, just learning who supported you. at the end of the day everyone went to a restaurant to eat dinner after so long.

  “this food… is so… fucking good.”

  “agreed.” you and the rest of the so-called ‘bench trio’ were eating at what wilbur had deemed the ‘kiddy table’. after eating so much food you were all tired. the rest of your friends had already left, walking back to the airbnb. when it was finally time to leave the restaurant, it was pouring rain.

  “WHY IS THE RAIN SO COLD IT’S LITERALLY SUMMER”

  after running home you had gone to sleep while the others had changed and taken showers. after sleeping for around ten hours, you had finally woken up. frankly, you felt like dogshit. you could barely breathe out of your stuffy nose and your head felt like it had been shoved full of wet cotton balls.

  instead of staying in bed, you got up and tried to get ready. on the way downstairs to get food and see who was making so much noise, you fell face first down the stairs. “owwwww…”

  hearing a ruckus, phil and kristin left the kitchen, where they were making pancakes. “holy shit! are you alright, mate?”

  pushing phil over, kristin walked over to you, “obviously they’re not okay phil! the poor kid is lying on the floor.”

  slowly getting up, you try to reassure both of them that you’re okay. “no, no, no, don’t worry. i am perfectly okay.” while you don’t know exactly how you sound, based on the expression on phil’s face, you don't think you sound very good.

  “uh, yeah, how about no. you sound like you’ve draken a whale bottle of vodka.” phil walked over to you and grabbed you by the arm, trying to hold you up.

  “i’m fineeee”

  “no, your fucking not. you’re burning up.” phil looked at you, angrily. “you need to go to bed.”

  “but i don’t wannaaaaa. i feel fineeee.” you felt like crying, for absolutely no reason. with that, you passed out on the floor.

  phil and kristin somehow managed to get you back up the stairs and into bed. once you were safely in your room, with no risk of cracking your skull open, phil took your temperature. “mate, your temperature is at nearly 102°. you’re lucky i don’t take you to a hospital.” he started at you, disapprovingly.

  “i’m sorryyyyy dadza. are you mad at me?” in your deluded state you pouted at him, like a child.

  “no, i’m not mad at you. just disappointed. you should’ve known not to do that. you’re old enough to know when you’re sick.” he stared at you with a disapproving look.

  “but that’s even worseeeeee” you felt like balling your eyes out. out of embarrassment, you tried to hide under your blanket. “can you tell mumza i’m sorry for worrying her?”

  above you, you heard phil laugh. “it’s not that big a deal, kid. i’m just upset. you could’ve seriously hurt yourself. i was worried.”

  “you were worried about me? awwwww, i love you too dadza.” you moved your head out of the blankets, smiling at him with dried tears and sweat on your face.

  “yeah, yeah. now shut up and go to bed.”

  kristin walked in, hearing what he said. “phil, don’t bully the kid. they already feel like shit.” out of the corner of your eye, you saw her look over to phil and smile at him.

  “i’m not doing anything, swear on my life!” he put his hands up in defense of himself, making you laugh.

  turning away from him, she directed her next question towards you. “how you feeling, kid? took quite a tumble there.” she smiled at you and ushed your hair out of your face.

  “i’m sorry for worrying youuuuuu. i love you, mumza. promise.”

  laughing, she leaned down to kiss you on the head. “love you too, kid. now, want me to sit with you and we can all watch some netflix or something?”

  you silently nodded and the two of them joined you on the bed, not caring very much if they got sick. after not even an hour, you all passed out.

  a few hours later, everyone returned back from the convention. let’s just say wilbur now had some very valuable blackmail.

hope you like it! this was so wholesome i- wfowcsjvri

i want parents like dadza and mumza now

[jemmo]

it's not an ask but some idea or observation that i want to see if you noticed too. it's about the wife/husband scene in the hospital with pran and pat talking about the terms. when i was first watching i really felt like it was long coming and when pat said he was confused and it was not serious for him i believed that too no question. it was that scene at episode 3,,my beloved,, at the bus stop that really shows you both of their sides but on a more lighter level. at the time it was airing lots of viewers were questioning why would p'aof use these terms and others were pointing to the way pat switched the terms over and even said we're two boyfriends. at the time and with the two few other times it'd come up i felt like this all was building up towards something and that the series still didn't deliver its point. it was so beautiful to see not only the discussion but that it already had foot in the story and you did see both of their povs from the very beginning. how pran didn't like this really and how also you totally believe pat didn't see past the fun or playing around of it. just appreciating the craft behind writing pat and pran.

thank you so much dear anon for pointing this out to me bc thinking about it now, i too also really appreciate how this specific point was built up to through the whole series. also sorry it took me a while to respond but i have some tuff i do wanna say about this bc it brought to light some things i hadn't thought about before. bc the thing is, while yes this was poking a bit of fun at the kinda tired out husband and wife trope in bl and also raising it as a topic for discussion, it didn't at all feel preachy to me.

(editing jess (yes im editing this) just to say this became something else, i discuss some stuff about society and media and go on many tangents hence the read more bc i feel like some ppl dont care about this stuff. and this is all just me ranting, my thoughts, im no professional, and dont know shit so take from it what you want)

i dont want to get too deep with this bc i am in no way the kind of person to have the final say on these things, but i watch way too many video essayist on youtube while knitting for hours talking about the kinda 'state of play' of this whole internet culture we're in, and i find it interesting to look at. bc i think there's this thing with what i'll lovingly term 'wokeism' that it provides a sense of superiority. ppl online or even when talking person to person in these kinds of spaces can often make themselves feel better than others, wiser, more aware and understanding bc they were able to pint out 'well actually that thing is problematic' or 'actually you cant say something like that' or 'that isnt socially acceptable anymore'. and that can be fine, bc at the end of the day you are making other people more aware, but you can't lie that it sometimes makes you feel good to know i'm better than all these other people who haven't fixed their problematic views. and this is one of the things that contribute to leftist spaces being demonised bc they jump on everything every word every term, they all have to be politically correct. you know the classic 'you cant say anything these days bc some randomer on twitter might come from nowhere and attack you for saying the wrong thing'. and thats the thing i wanna focus on. it comes from nowhere. and applying that to media, thats why some of these shows that claim progressive ideals can feel performative bc a statement that basically boils down to 'feminism is cool' or 'trans ppl are ok' just seems to come from left field. bc then ppl that are more closed minded watching that media are less likely to be receptive to those ideas, bc they're just being chucked at them.

what bad buddy does with this whole husband and wife thing, and on a larger scale with the whole feud being a perfect metaphor for queer experience, is they integrate their messages so so so well into the story so that its much more invisible when they're being made, and yet they're so much easier to take in, so much more digestible for the audience bc they aren't outright, one time only messages. they're part of the story, they're woven throughout, they're in the theming. and when the show makes you care about its characters and plot then weaves in these ideas, you kinda take to them without a second thought. like when i watched that hospital scene of pran saying he doesn't care for the label, i was just like 'lol yeah that is kinda dumb why should they have to use those words'. what i did not think was 'wtf where has this come from why is there suddenly this psa on the husband and wide labels in my fluffy hospital scene???'. you see??? and thats bc little nuggets of this message had been placed throughout the story. think ep 3 our beloved. the scene is playful and yet we still get a clear message pran doesn't want he's not comfortable with feminine labels. and its not some big song and dance, the word 'PROGRESSIVE' isnt written in lights behind them. its just a dude making his preference known, and thats totally cool. also in this scene we get one of countless displays of green flag pat being comfortable 'playing a woman'. and again, we dont need the words 'fuck toxic masculinity' to be tattooed across pat's forehead. bc its not purely about pat being that way to combat that issue. yes there's an element of pat being that way to go against toxic masculinity, but again its not performative. its just pat. its the way he is, its part of his character, its developed naturally from his personality. it fits. it isn't a psa being stuffed where it doesn't fit. this isnt trying to fit the triangle into the round hole. its a triangle already being in the triangle hole.

and i could go on and on, about this thing and that thing that is handled in a similar way. i could be like yeah the mention the wife thing at the start of ep5 and in ep9 in pran's room. but we all know that. what i do wanna still say is that i love that its such a non issue. its a non issue as in pran has dismissed this before but not felt the need to raise it any further bc its not like he despises it and more so he knows pat doesn't have any real ill intention behind it. as we hear later, he's saying it just bc he thought it was the thing to say. he thinks i wanna be closer to pran and i already call him my boyfriend, so what else can i say to show we're closer than that. but when pat's said it a couple of times, pran takes the opportunity to just be like btw im not really cool with that its not my vibe so yeah. and he doesn't bring it up with any heat, he's not attacking pat. he's not even outright saying the words 'i dont like this label. pls stop'. and still you can read all that even when he starts the conversation with a jokey vibe and uses their established dynamic of teasing each other to make pat understand why he doesn't like it. and then they both laugh, bc at the end of the day it was just dumb. they were trying to do this thing that society told them was the thing to do in relationships but it wasn't working so they don't need it. they don't need dumb, kinda outdated and gendered words just to prove to the world they're close. they know how close they are, and thats enough for them. and at the end of the day, isn't that what queer people have always been doing?? saying fuck what society wants me to do, i'm gonna live my life according to my own terms. i don't need your meaningless milestones routed in heterosexual relationships to validate my relationships. as long as me and my partner are on the same page and happy with that, i dont need anything else.

and let me end with saying that if ppl like these terms or ppl like seeing couples in bl use these terms, that doesn't make them dumb, or behind the times or problematic. some ppl just like stuff. and let me also state that the husband and wife labels do not have to be any comment on tops or bottoms. first of all, those terms are similarly tired out but also fine to use if you vibe with them. but a wife does not equal a bottom. and a wife does not equal the feminine one, or the one that does traditionally feminine things. and i would so love to see bl tackle this. bc a top can be a big strong man but also want to be called a wife, just as a bottom can do the cooking but also want to be called a husband. and switching does exist. and i so get switch vibes from like everyone in bad buddy bc thats what ppl are like. they can change what they like to do, dont put them in a box. and i love this kinda meeting place between these two kinds of labels. bc a rejection of husband and wife demands you to acknowledge that this is two men in this relationship (and it also kinda goes against this whole self-insertion thing that bl started out with as a female written and focused thing where you had a defined wife/bottom character that you could replace yourself with), and a lack of any outright top and bottom coding takes you away from this fascination ppl have with sexual positions. bc at the end of the day, why does it fucking matter?? if you like it one way or the other thats cool, but thats not something we should have to broadcast to the world. and nor should it be what you fixate on for characters. if theyre gonna be intimate, care more about the emotions and connection, nots what being put where. intimacy isn't a matter of someone giving and someone recieving, its coming together. and thats not to say it has to always be so emo, sometimes you just wanna do stuff. but even then, what goes where, it aint all that important.

basically tl;dr labels can be cool or not, its all up to personal preference and thats every individuals right. bad buddy knows how to share its messages without slapping you across your face with their 'wokeness' and then patting themselves on the back for ticking off something on their representation list. awesome writing. awesome messages. they're actually fostering nuanced discussion of these things. p'aof i love you.