#but i also couldn't just not celebrate it when i finally am able to make something for them

[khaoala]

❝A place is what you can own, but a space is where you feel comfortable to be in.❞

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY, THE ECLIPSE!

[reasonsforhope]

"In short: Thailand's Senate has approved a bill legalising same sex marriage in the South-East Asian country.

It will afford same-sex couples practical benefits such as being able to have children through IVF and make emergency medical decisions for their spouse.

What's next? The first weddings may take place later this year, 120 days after the law is announced in the Royal Gazette.

Thailand has become the first nation in South-East Asia to legalise same sex marriage, with the country's Senate approving the landmark bill this afternoon.

The legislation was expected to pass after it cleared the country's House of Representatives in a near-unanimous vote in March.

Despite Thailand's bustling gay bars and prominent transgender community making it a mecca for LGBTQ+ tourists, until now local same-sex couples there have been unable to marry.

The law will take effect 120 days after its announcement in the Royal Gazette, so the first same sex weddings may take place later this year.

Couples who have been waiting years have hailed the move as a historic moment that will afford them rights only reserved for spouses.

A Lifechanging Law

Photos of Anticha and Worawan [including the article picture], dressed in floor-length white gowns and trailed by rainbow flags, getting married at Bangkok's first Pride Festival two years ago went viral, but they are still not legally married.

Now they will be able to change that, and Anticha Sangchai is elated.

"This will change my life and change many Thai people's lives, especially in the LGBT community," she said.

"It is a historical moment and I really want to join with my community to celebrate this moment.

"I want to send a message to the world that Thailand has changed. Even though there are still many issues, this is a big step for us." ...

There were an estimated 3.7 million LGBT people in Thailand in 2022, according to LGBT Capital, a private company which models economic data pertaining to the community around the world.

For the young couple from Bangkok, being able to marry also has very real practical implications.

If they want to have children through IVF, Ms Sangchai says they will need a marriage certificate first.

"I am quite concerned about the time because we are getting older every day, and the older you get the more difficult it is to have a healthy pregnancy," she said.

"So we've been really wanting this law to pass as soon as possible."

Cabaret performer Jena is excited Thailand's laws are finally catching up with the nation's image...

She too had worried about the practical implications of being unable to marry.

"For example, if myself or my partner had to go to hospital or there was an accident that needs consent for an emergency operation, without a marriage certificate we couldn't sign it," she said.

She now wants the government to move forward with a law to allow transgender people to amend their gender on official documents." ...

An Economic Boost?

Thailand has long been famous for LGBTQ tourism and there are now hopes this new law could allow the country to cash in on the aging members of the community.

Chaiwat Songsiriphan, who runs a health clinic for people in the LGBTQ community, said laws preventing same sex marriage were the last barrier holding the country back from becoming a gay retirement hub.

[Note: They do not just mean for rich westerners; Thailand as a gay retirement hub would probably appeal most to and definitely benefit LGBTQ people from throughout Asia.]

"Thailand has an LGBTQ-friendly environment since Thai culture is quite flexible," he said.

"One of my foreigner friends, a gay friend, told me that when he's in his country he has to pretend to be straight … but when he comes to Bangkok he said you can be as gay as you want.

"When we talk about retirement or a long-term stay for the rest of their lives, what people need is … food, good healthcare services, transportation, homes.

"I think Thailand has it all at a very affordable price."

He said it could help give the country a desperately needed economic boost.

"This will have a lot of benefits for Thailand's economy because when we talk about retirement it's people literally bringing all the money they have earned for the rest of their working lives to spend and invest here," he said.

He said he, like the rest of the community, was thrilled by the news.

"It's not about a privilege, it's just equality," he said.

"We are we also humans, so we should be able to marry the one we love.""

-via ABC Australia, June 18, 2024

[desertteagles]

╰───► like it’s our last - e. williams

drabble.

Pairing - bbf!ellie x fem! reader

Synopsis- your brothers back from college and he brings his best friend since childhood back with him. you’ve realized you have a crush on her and sworn you wouldn’t act on it, fearing your brothers disapproval. ellie also has been harboring feelings for you but promised to not make a move per your brothers request.. especially since ellie’s kind of a player.

warnings- no smut this time </3 but little angst ig…, uhhhh idk i think that’s it.. was gonna make this a oneshot (that’s why the punctuation is sorta kinda good) but i decided NAWT to so here !

a/n well um… hi guys ! i’ve been gone for a year my bad chat 😞

U nfortunately, today was the fucking day. Now, usually, you’re happy whenever your brother decides to visit home, but this time he’s bringing an unwanted (very wanted) guest that you’ve been kind of avoiding, in order to not run your big ass mouth.

Ellie was annoying as fuck. That didn’t stop you from developing a crush on her, though, and you hated yourself for it. It was just... she’s so pretty with her stupid green eyes and veiny hands, and her pretty hair that’s always in that fuckass bun, and her... “Wait, what the fuck. Stop thinking about her, oh my god,” you groaned, putting your face in your hands. Unsurprisingly, you could never seem to keep her from getting stuck in your mind. It was a never-ending cycle of “I don’t even like her; she just has a nice face,” to “Why the fuck am I lying? I want her so bad,” battling it out in your head ever since you realized there might be something more than just annoyance toward her because she was your brother's best friend. Which also opens a whole new can of worms that you really don’t have the mental capacity to deal with.

You see, your brother is very, very, very overprotective. It was so bad that you couldn’t even bring up liking celebrities around him, which was absurd, so you had to tell him to back off (he never really did). Ellie, being the player that she is, definitely tried to get your brother's blessing to pursue you back in high school, but he naturally shot her down with a vicious and explicitly detailed description of how he’d kill her and hide the body if she ever tried anything with you, which effectively scared her from even looking at you for a while. Obviously, that didn’t last long because she became this annoying nuisance of a human being, and it ground your gears until she finally left for college with your brother, giving you a much-needed break.

the break didn’t last long because for some odd reason you thought it was the greatest fucking idea to stalk her social media. Granted, you did it out of hate (it wasn’t hate) so it’s really not your fault that seeing her posts made you start looking at her in a different light. But now she was back. And this time, you have this added knowledge that she’s hot as fuck and you don’t really think you will be able to function around her.

You paced around your room, hands in your hair, agonizing over what the fuck to wear ever since you learned Ellie was visiting with your brother today. It was like some kind of cosmic joke — the universe giving you just enough time to forget how much you liked her before slamming her right back into your life.

You could hear the muffled sound of your brother’s laugh from downstairs. Your stomach twisted, nerves kicking in. You peeked out of your bedroom window and, sure enough, there was Ellie, leaning against the car, hands shoved in her pockets, that fuckass bun sitting low on her head. She was talking to your brother, but you barely registered him — all you could focus on was her smirk, the way her eyes squinted when she laughed, how the light from the sun caught on her freckles. Now that made you make a face, “ew why the fuck am i thinking like a poet.”

“Gotdammit,” you muttered to yourself. “Get it the fuck together.”

Your heart was racing, but you couldn't tell if it was from excitement or dread. Maybe both…. definitely both.

A sharp knock on your door yanked you out of your thoughts, and before you could even answer, your brother barged in. “Hey, Ellie’s here,” he said, grinning like an idiot. “Come down and say hi, don’t be weird.”

You raised an eyebrow. “I’m not the weird one, you are. and plus i have to finish getting ready! i’ll be down in a second, get out!”

He rolled his eyes. “Just be normal for like five minutes, when you come down okay? I know you guys have this weird rivalry or whatever the fuck but its been like a year so please.”

“fine, but if she starts her shit don’t say anything.” you mumbled, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. “fuck me.” you sighed and turned to finish getting ready.

—

As soon as you hit the bottom step, Ellie’s eyes locked on yours. That familiar spark of mischief shined in her gaze. She tilted her head slightly, grinning in that infuriatingly, cocky way that always made your knees a littttle weak.

“Hey,” she said, her voice soft but teasing, as if she already knew the effect she had on you. Which she couldn’t know… right? Right.

You swallowed hard, trying to act unfazed. “Ellie.”

Her grin widened, and for a split second, you could’ve sworn she looked you up and down. Almost like she was checking you out. weird. “Long time no see,” she said, stepping forward and pulling you into a quick, unexpected hug.

Your brain short-circuited for a moment, and when she let go, you were left standing there, blinking like an idiot, your skin buzzing from where her hands had briefly touched your back.

“It’s barely been a year. but yeah, long time,” you managed, trying desperately to sound casual but instead sounding like a dying cat.

—

The next couple of hours were spent catching up and you watching ellie and your brother play Call of duty.. or was it fortnite? you can’t really remember. all you can seem to focus on is how ellie’s hands look around the controller and how good they’d look around your ne- “hey. are you.. okay?” you jumped a little at being pulled from your thoughts by ellie and slowly realized how long you were staring at her hands. “oh um yea.. totally,” you chuckled nervously and turned your attention back to the TV trying to ignore Ellie's burning gaze on the side of your face. Like usual, your brother was oblivious to anything but that damn game, trash talking like crazy, while you kept sneaking looks at Ellie after that embarrassing ass moment. She didn’t seem to mind though; in fact, she seemed to enjoy catching you staring. Every time you glanced her way, she was already looking, a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

At one point, you found yourself in the kitchen, you were hungry as fuck and being a third wheel didn’t exactly curb your hunger. Unfortunately, Ellie walked in not too long after you, her presence immediately making the room feel smaller.

“So,” she said, dragging the o and leaning against the counter with that same smirk. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

You froze, almost crushing a chip that was making its way into your mouth in your hand. “What!? No, I haven’t. You're actually delusional, I don't know.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Rightttt. I'm totally delusional.”

You turned to look at her, grabbing another chip out of the bag to eat before pausing and saying, “Okay, maybe I have. But it’s not purposefully !”

Ellie took a step closer, and you had to force yourself to keep breathing. “Oh really?”

“Yes really! I have literally no reason to avoid you. Don’t be dumb. i’ve just been busy with getting my esthetician license.. ” You bit your lip, trying and failing to seem calm. God, this was the exact situation you were trying to avoid. You wanted to tell her off, make her stop questioning you, but honestly… you kinda missed her (you’d never admit this out loud) and it was nice talking to her. Not to mention looking at her lips while she talked was one of your favorite pastimes.

Ellie took another step forward, so close now that you could smell her — that familiar mix of leather and something earthy. It was distracting as hell, and you loved hated it. You took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding in your chest.

“Busy with your esthetician license, huh?” Ellie’s voice was low, almost mocking, as if she knew how much of a lie that sounded like, even if it was mostly true. “that’s hilarious because you seemed to have plenty of time to stare at my hands earlier.”

Your face burned instantly. “I wasn’t staring,” you blurted, probably a little too fast.

Ellie’s smirk widened, her eyes flicking down to your hands fidgeting with the chip bag. “Sure you weren’t.” She was enjoying this way too much, but instead of leaving you to drown in embarrassment, she stepped even closer, her gaze suddenly more intense, less mocking. “You know, I don’t typically care if you stare.”

Your brain completely short-circuited. Was she for real? You swallowed hard, your heart hammering in your chest as you decided it’s now or never and maybe it’s time to give her a taste of her own medicine.

You leaned in, your eyes locked on hers, and for a moment, the playful tension between you both shifted into something else — something heavier. “is that right?” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur as you tucked a loose strand behind her ear with a smirk.

Ellie’s breath hitched and you saw a blush spread across her face like crazy. She was not expecting you to reciprocate her teasing. In fact, she thought you would get too flustered to even think. You giggled at her stunned face, body still alight with nerves and your mind screaming did i really just do that??? The room felt impossibly small, and you couldn’t focus on anything but how close she was. You could feel the heat radiating off her skin, the way her gaze flickered down to your lips for just a second before snapping back to your eyes.

“I—” you started, but before you could even finish, your brother’s voice cut through the tension like a knife, causing you to jump back from Ellie in surprise.

“Ellie, you better be keeping your hands to yourself…” he called from the living room, his tone half-joking but you could tell he wasn’t.

Ellie groaned in annoyance at the interruption. She raised her hand as if to hold yours but faltered at your confused expression, and dropped it with a sigh “Yeah, yeah,” she muttered, her voice quieter now, as she turned toward the living room. “Jesus Christ.”

[you-call-it-a-dude]

Call It What You Want Pt. 5

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Summary: it's thanksgiving break and you get to spend some time with Regina. She also meets your family, kinda. And she also comes out to her mom...kinda.

Pairings: Regina George x Fem/Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: internalized homophobia, mentions of sex, emotions and feelings

Notes: hi! So I know it's been a minute and I really appreciate everyone's patience and continued support with this story. Life just got ridiculous and this chapter is also slightly long lol. I have a bunch of requests that I am going to get started on with the intention of getting those out in the coming weeks. I think something I really struggle with is that I love writing longer stories which can put me behind and I think I need to start learning how to cut things short lol. But thank you so much again and I hope you enjoy.

-----

"Ugh, I don't want to go." Regina said, stomping around your room.

It was the morning of thanksgiving and Regina may have fibbed to her parents slightly. She told them her final day of classes was Wednesday and since she had a night class she would come out first thing Thursday morning to celebrate thanksgiving.

The fib, or well big fat lie, was that classes ended on Tuesday and Regina spent Tuesday afternoon through Thursday morning with you at your mom's house.

Your mom went to California to celebrate thanksgiving with your brother, so you both took advantage of the opportunity to have alone time in a space other than one of your dorm rooms.

It was really nice, honestly. You cooked dinner for her Tuesday night. She tried to help, but you both discovered that cooking possibly isn't something she was good at when she almost chopped her fingers off slicing bread for garlic bread.

She did provide plenty of support and some distractions through. Whispering flirty things in your ear and wrapping her arms around you while you cooked and plated your meals.

She did promise you that she can make really good breakfast. She ended up making you probably some of the best scrambled eggs you've ever had on Wednesday morning.

You spend Wednesday afternoon walking around downtown Chicago. Regina insisted on paying for Lyfts for the rest of the day because she just straight up refused to take the train downtown and you refused to drive because trying to find parking down there was a fucking hassle.

You looked at the lit up Christmas tree, took her to the water tower mall to shop, and then she treated you to lunch at this really nice place that you probably couldn't afford on a good day, but you still tried to pay her back anyway. She obviously refused.

You came back to your house and you showered together in your huge walk-in shower.

Which, arguably felt like one of the most intimate moments you've shared so far.

You both laughed and bickered your way through the shower. Someone was always hogging the water for too long, or spraying water in someone's face, and you judged the ridiculous amount of conditioner Regina used in her hair and she gave a long spiel about why that was the necessity amount for her.

But it was perfect because none of it was serious. It was all playful and lighthearted and it made you sad that you didn't have any idea of when you would be able to share another moment like this with her again.

You dried off after the shower, both walking around the house in some sort of state of undress. Regina only in your t-shirt and a pair of underwear and you in a pair of boxers and a tank top.

You watched her do her hair and skincare routine, asking her questions about her expensive products that you had never seen before in your life.

She was patient with you, answering all your questions about her stuff. After she finished, she made you sit on the bathroom counter. She pushed your hair back with one of her microfiber headbands, choosing one that had a bow on it and scrunching her nose up at you and calling you cute after she slipped it on you. She rubbed some of her $500 moisturizer on your face, massaging it into your skin and giving you sweet compliments. She finished off your little face massage with a quick kiss to your lips.

She cleaned her hands off and asked you if you felt any difference between your stuff and hers. You nodded, trying not to let on how fancy you felt with this stuff on your face.

You spent Wednesday evening cuddled up on the couch watching 2000s rom-com movies that she deemed absolutely necessary for you to watch.

You wouldn't tell her how much you enjoyed the movies though. You put up too much of a fight to admit you enjoyed them all.

Wednesday night after the movies was spent in your bed. It consisted of sloppy kisses, your head between Regina's legs, and her nails scraping across your back.

It was hot and sexy in the moment, but in her post orgasm clarity, she realized how badly she scratched you up when she saw bruises forming around the scratches and one of them was bleeding.

She swore loudly when she saw them, clearly torn between being concerned and turned on. She made you sit at the edge of your bed while she cleaned them, pressing soft kisses to your back while she did.

You didn't care that she marked you. You wanted people to know you were hers and you'd be happy to let her do it again. You kinda hoped that she would.

The following morning, Regina stomped around the room, packing her bags with an annoyed pout on her face and complaining about how much she didn't want to go back to her parents' house for the holiday.

"Well, you are always welcome to spend it with me. I'll be at my dad and step mom's." You offered.

She paused, thinking it over seriously.

"Ugh, no. I can't. My dad will get so mad." She threw one of your shirts into her bag and you shook your head at her blatant thievery.

"You can come for dessert? Maybe you can even come back here with me after...?" You suggest and she smirked.

"So what you're saying is, you'll need me to bring you back here and that I can't stay with my family? Oooh, maybe I can use you as an excuse."

"Sure, make them hate me before they even meet me." You tease, scrunching your nose at her.

"I'm just saying! I can tell them we travelled together and we need to travel back together."

"You know you're an adult, right?" You point out. "If you don't want to stay, you don't have to."

"It's more complicated than that." She rolled her eyes, catching an attitude with you now.

"Don't get grumpy with me." You say firmly with your eyebrows furrowed and somehow she manages to roll her eyes even harder at you. "Look, if you have to stay then stay. I get it. I'm just letting you know you're invited to my dad's and you're welcome to spend the rest of your break here with me. Okay? No need to get mad at me about it."

"Okay, yeah. Fine."

"Okay, yeah. Fine." You mock playfully, making a face at her and putting your hands on her hips.

"I fucking hate when you do that mocking shit. Grow up." She said, putting all her hygiene products in her bag and shifting her hips out of your grip.

"Good grief. Are you gonna get all closed off and homophobic on me now because you have to spend time with your family?" You say boldly, crossing your arms. She whips her head around to look at you, narrowing her eyes. You swallow thickly and ignore the tingling sensation that look sent between your thighs and focus more on the fact at how mad she looked right now. "S-sorry. I'm sorry. I was just joking, but I am now recognizing I shouldn't have said that." You say quickly, but sincerely.

You really needed to learn that some of your little jokey jokes that may bode over well with your gay friends, might hit a sore spot for your very much closeted girlfriend.

"No, I-you're right. I'm kind of just having a really hard time." She admitted, her tone softening.

"With what, baby?" I ask, brushing some hair behind her ear.

"I don't know. I want to talk about you to my family, you know? I feel like my mom would really like you. I want to tell her so bad, but I'm scared she'll tell my dad."

"You think she would do that?" I ask, cocking my head to the side.

"I don't know. Maybe? She's also just so bad at keeping other people's secrets."

"You don't think she'd keep this one for you? Or that she'd be happy you told her?"

"I don-" she just shrugs, looking up to most likely stop herself from crying. "Part of me thinks she'd be really cool about it. But it's that little sliver of doubt that makes me too scared to say anything."

"Well, if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. You don't have to come out to anyone if it doesn't feel right. I'm not rushing you." You pat her hip reassuringly and give her a playful pinch. "The offer I made earlier still stands. Dont feel pressured to take me up on it, but it's there if you want it. All you have to do is tell me, okay?"

She just nodded and continued packing her bag. You know she's upset and probably not in the mood for any bullshit, so you kiss her shoulder and walk out of your bedroom to give her some space for a few minutes.

You get a drink from the fridge, fighting the urge to eat something because it's basically against the law to eat anything on thanksgiving before the meal.

She stepped out of your room a few minutes later, her bag over her arm and her sunglasses on. You pout slightly. You knew she was leaving because she had to get ready at her house, but it didn't make you any less sad to see her go.

"Let me know when you get there, please?" You ask, stepping towards her and planting a soft kiss on her lips. She nods and leans in, pulling you in for a deeper one.

"I love you." She mumbles against your lips before deepening the kiss again. You smile against her lips and kiss her once more before pulling away.

"I love you, too." You take her bag from her shoulder and throw it over your own. "Let me walk you to your car."

---

You haven't heard from Regina in a few hours now. She let you know what she made it home and sent you a few provocative photos of her getting ready, but otherwise you haven't heard from her since then.

It was almost 4pm and you've been at your dad's for maybe an hour now. Your step-mom's family were also present and they were okay people, but you didn't really know them.

You also didn't know they were coming. Your dad pulled you aside when you came into the house and said it was very last minute and he was upset by it. Not your business, but go off, dad.

You snatched your little sister up from your step-mom and followed your little brother up to their playroom. Too many people you didn't know were asking about what you were doing with your life, who you were dating, what you were studying. You've met these people like four times total.

You released Zoe and let her crawl around with Levi. You sat on the floor against the wall and let them both bring you toys and random shit they wanted you to see or hold. You play wrestled, let them climb on top of you, all around earning big sibling points you hoped.

You took a selfie of you with Levi climbing on your shoulders and Zoe sitting on your lap. It was blurry and all three of you were smiling and laughing in the photo.

Levi requested to see the picture of course, like any curious toddler would. Zoe didn't care, but she looked anyway because her big siblings were.

You sent the photo to Regina, expecting it to go unanswered like your previous messages the last few hours.

'I wish I was there with you'

She responded within about a minute. You frowned reading the message.

'Everything okay?' You respond, unsure if she'll even text back that quickly again. The little bubble with the three dots pops up immediately.

'Yes and no. It's fine.'

You were in the middle of typing up a response when she sends you another message.

'Can I still come over?'

You delete the message you were in the middle of writing to type up a new one.

'To my mom's for the rest of break? Or to my dad's for dessert?'

'Both. I don't want to be in this fucking house any longer than I need to be. I'm an adult, right???'

You smiled and rolled your eyes at her response.

'Yes, of course can. Dessert will probably be around 7. That work?'

She didn't text back, but she responded to your message with a heart so you knew it was most likely fine. You sent her your location so she knew where to go and continued to play with your siblings that had been all but demanding your attention while you responded to Regina.

"Alright, alright." You say, dodging a block that Levi was about two centimeters from smacking you in the face with. "Relax, you little monster." You tease, tickling his little belly and making him break out into a fit of giggles. Zoe looked up at you like she was being left out and you tickled her also, making her laugh.

There was a light knock on the door frame and you looked up to see your dad coming in with a small plate of appetizers, two sippy cups with water for the kids, and then a bottle of water for you.

"It sounded pretty rowdy up here, thought my babies could use some refreshments." He handed Levi his sippy cup and sat down on the floor across from you with his legs crossed.

You rolled your eyes slightly at him still calling you his baby, but you also still found it really cute and wouldn't dare make a comment about it.

Zoe was resting comfortably on your lap and he handed her the drink before giving you your water bottle and holding out the plate of snacks for you to pick off of, stealing a mini quiche for himself in the process of course.

You took a big sip of your water, not even realizing how thirsty you had gotten. You closed the bottle and set it to the side, taking the plate from him and eating the last mini quiche before it got stolen from under you.

"How's it going down there?" You ask him with your mouth a little full, covering it with one of your hands to be not gross.

"It goes, bud. They get on my nerves. What can I say?" He chuckled. "You talk to your mom today?"

"I called her but she didn't answer. Probably too busy with Ricky. You know how it goes." You shrug, sharing a small piece of mozzarella with Zoe that came from one of the mini caprese skewers, smiling at her when she said 'mmm!' "Is that yummy??" You ask her with a smile and she grins up at you while chewing.

"I love when you come by, kiddo. I know these terrors do, too." He said sincerely, ignoring the fact that Levi was wacking his back with a foam sword now and laughing like a maniac.

"Hey, dad, can I ask you something?"

"Of course!" He said, reaching his arm back and snatching that foam sword from Levi. It made the toddler giggle and run off, thinking he was about to get chased.

"Is it okay if my girlfriend comes over for dessert?" Your dad knew you liked girls, but you had never introduced him to any of your past partners before. He waved to Regina that day after the party when she brought you back to get your clothes and she waved back, but that was about it. You don't even think he saw her face.

He perked up and smiled at you.

"Girlfriend?? Of course! That's so exciting, Y/N!" He have your knee a nudge. "Tell me about her."

"Well, her name is Regina. We went to high school together. We didn't really talk much then, but we ended up being neighbors in our dorm and it just worked out." You say with a wide smile on your face. "But, um, she isn't out. To like anyone really, but especially her family. So I don't know how comfortable she would having people know, but I also wanted at least you to know that she was my girlfriend if I was going to invite her." You were nervous and rambling and you really hoped he understood what you were saying.

He nods his head and looks at you slightly concerned.

"I get what you're saying. Unless you indicate in any way that she's comfortable, we don't address it." He says sincerely. "Are you sure you're okay with dating someone like this?" He asks. You know he's coming from a good place, but you hate that people keep asking you this.

"I mean, she won't be in the closet forever." I shrug, picking a piece of lint off Zoe's outfit. "It'll be okay, dad. And if it's not, then at least I gave her a good first experience, right?" You give him a reassuring smile and he reaches over to brush hair from your face.

"I'm glad you turned out to be such a good kid. I know you dealt with a lot of shit as a kid, but you didn't let it ruin you. She can definitely come. I'm excited to meet her." He gave you a genuine smile.

The four of you turned your heads when you heard footsteps approaching. Your step mom, Ginny, came into the room looking exasperated and closed to door behind her softly.

"God, I hate the holidays sometimes." She said, plopping down on one of the rockers in the playroom. "They're driving me nuts. How have things been up here? It got quiet so I came to check on everyone- hi munchkin!" She reached for Zoe who all but launched herself off your lap to crawl to her mom.

You took advantage of your newfound hand freedom and grabbed that plate of appetizers you had set down. Though your freedom was short lived because within about ten seconds Levi threw himself onto your lap and almost sent your plate of appetizers flying.

You set your plate on the floor again and wrapped an arm around his tummy, offering him a pita bread with hummus that he happily accepted.

"Hey, Ginny?"

"Yes, hun?"

"Is it okay with you if I have someone join us for dessert? Dad said yes, but it's your house, too." She smiles at you and nods immediately.

"Of course, Y/N! We have plenty of dessert and I think you need someone your own age to enjoy the rest of the night with, too."

"Psh, I don't know what you mean. I am having so much fun with these two. Couldn't ask for a better holiday." You say truthfully, giving Levi's leg a playful pinch and making him laugh.

"So is this a friend or...?" Ginny asks with a small smirk and you can't help but smile wide. "Ah! I knew it! I knew it!" She said excitedly,

Ginny was about ten years younger than your dad. Smack dab right in the middle between your age and his. She's great and you really do love her. She's been around for many years now at this point and knows you just as much, if not more than your own mom.

"She's my girlfriend." You admit, blushing slightly. "But she isn't out yet, especially to her parents. I don't know how comfortable she's gonna-"

"Say less. I know exactly what you mean. We've got you. If that changes at any point, please tell us. Cause we would love to treat her like your girlfriend if we can. This will definitely stay between us though."

You smiled at her and the three of you sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. You were watching the kids play and listening to the commotion that Ginny's family was stirring up downstairs.

At some point her mom shouted up the stairs obnoxiously for her that timers were going off and food needed to be pulled out and you all knew your peaceful moment was over.

Your dad and Ginny went downstairs to pull the food and turkey from the oven and you were asked politely if you could please do diaper checks on both of the kids before bringing them down.

Which, honestly, that seemed way better than walking into that mess downstairs.

---

Dinner was a little more chaotic than you were used to, but it wasn't totally unbearable. Ginny's parents, aunt and uncle cleared out so they could spend dessert with her cousin and his wife. They complained the whole night about how his wife was more of a baker than a chef.

So apparently that was the reason they sprung this last minute self invite to dinner on them.

Ginny's sister stuck around though, most likely to talk mad shit over a slice a pie and a glass of wine. Which, so valid.

Regina messaged you around 6:30pm that she was ten minutes away and you could feel yourself getting really nervous all of a sudden.

Cause of the whole never bringing anyone home before thing.

She texts you when she's here and asks you to come to her car. You look at the message confused, but excuse yourself from the house and run outside.

She's sitting in her black Volvo, which is surprising to you since she's back home in Evanston. You walk up to her car and open the drivers side door and see her sitting looking...nervous?

"Hey, baby." You say, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She wraps an arm around your waist and gives you a quick hug. "Everything okay?" You ask, sounding concerned.

"I think I almost came out to my mom." She said, rubbing her hands against her thighs anxiously.

"Almost?" You ask, cocking your head to the side.

"I was in the middle of doing it and my dad came in and I just stopped talking."

You give her a sad smile and squeeze her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. How do you feel about almost doing it?" You ask, dancing on your toes because you were starting to get cold. "What was the conversation?"

"I was asking her if I could leave and spend the rest of break with a friend. I didn't just want to be cruel and just leave." She was playing with her steering wheel cover. "I could tell she looked kind of upset, but she said it was fine and that she hoped I had fun. I felt bad. Like really bad. So I told her I was spending it with someone I was dating. She just looked so excited." She shook her head and buried her face in her hands and letting out a muffled, dramatic scream into her hands. She looked up again with a straight face. "Then she said tell her about him and I just didn't want to lie. I just felt in that moment I could trust her. All I was able to say was 'well it's not a guy' before my dad busted into the kitchen."

"And then what?"

"I left to come here." She shrugged.

"Babe, you definitely came out to her. You just didn't talk about it after." You say with an awkward chuckle.

"No," she shook her head. "I didn't come out. I didn't tell her enough. She's too goofy to have picked up what I meant." She said, seemingly trying to convince herself.

"Okay, you didn't come out." You affirm, but her phone lighting up over and over in the cup holder of her center console is having you believe that her mom might not be as goofy as she thinks. But you also know Regina can ignore messages like nobody's business when she wants to, so part of you also has a feeling Regina knows that her mom knows, too. "Are you gonna check those...?" You ask cautiously.

"No, I'm not and I think you should mind your fucking business." She said simply while she fixed her makeup.

"Don't start, please." You say softly and you see her tense briefly before relaxing.

"You're right. I'm sorry." She swallows and nods, looking up at you with a pout, her bottom lip quivering. "I'm really sorry." You furrow your eyebrows and cock your head to the side confused, waiting for her to continue. "I don't think I should go inside."

She said it barely above a whisper, but it still felt so fucking loud.

"Don't do this, Regina." You say, shaking your head. "Just come inside." You say calmly.

You can hear what your dad said earlier replaying in your head, about if you were sure you wanted to do this with someone who wasn't out yet and you hated that Regina was sitting here in front of you proving him right.

"I don't-" She just shrugged, looking at you with those sad fucking eyes.

"Look, I know you're scared and it freaks you out. I'm not trying to rush you." You cup her cheek, rubbing your thumb along her cheekbone. "But please just trust me and come inside. If you really hate it, I'll let you leave." You say softly. Your heart was pounding and you swear your hands were shaking.

Shit, you weren't even fucking cold anymore.

Regina was unpredictable and the possibility that she could flee at any moment was always at the back of your mind. Anytime something regarding her sexuality and coming out got involved, you always felt like you were teetering between her fully accepting herself or absolutely destroying you.

She gripped her steering wheel, staring straight ahead. You could tell by the way she was breathing that she was anxious and thinking about what to do.

You wonder if the only reason she hasn't just driven off yet was because you were standing in front of her open car door.

She chewed her top lip, trying to control her breathing through her nose and she nodded slightly. Her thumbs ran across her textured steering wheel cover and she nodded again, this time more confidently.

Like, you could actually tell she was nodding.

"Okay, okay, yeah." She licks her lips and swallows, continuing to nod.

You can tell she's still trying to convince herself, but she said it out loud and that works for now.

"They don't even have to know you're my girlfriend. You can just be my friend." You reassure her and you can visibly see her relax a bit.

She takes a deep breath and pulls her visor down and fixes herself in the mirror again. She slams it up when she's done and within seconds she's moving to get out of the car. The attitude and anxiety gone from her face as if it were never there and you frown at the thought of how good Regina has become playing this version of herself.

She grabbed her phone and her purse, closing and locking her car door and shoving her keys into her bag. She adjusted her outfit nervously and looked over to you.

"Do I look okay?"

"You look so beautiful." You smile, staring at her like she was the most beautiful person you had ever seen.

Well, she was.

She nods and follows you up the rest of the driveway, gripping the back of your shirt until you open the front door.

You walk inside and shut the door behind you both. You take her jacket off and hang it up. You hear some noise coming from the kitchen so you make your way over there first.

Your dad is pulling an assortment of pies from the fridge, Zoe crawling around his feet and him avoiding stepping on her expertly.

"Hey, dad?" You called to him softly when you entered the kitchen to get his attention. He looked up at the both of you and smiled.

"Hey, kiddos."

"This is my friend, Regina." You introduced and you could see the faintest glimmer of sadness on his face before he smiled wide and wiped some whipped cream off his hands on the apron he was wearing.

"So nice to meet you, Regina, Y/N's friend." He said, his hand extended out and stepping over Zoe. "I'm Greg, Y/N's dad."

Regina met him halfway and shook his hand firmly, smiling wide while she did it.

"It's so nice to meet you. Thank you so much for letting me join you so last minute."

"Oh nonsense!" He let go of her hand and waved her off playfully. "We are so happy to have you here." He turned to look to you now. "Y/N, you want to bring Zoe and Regina to the dining room and introduce her to everyone else? I'll handle the pies."

"Sure, dad." You squat on the floor with your arms out. "ZoZo, let's go." She smiles and crawls to you, her hands and knees smacking against the tile floor. You pick her up and toss her slightly, seeing Regina's eyes widen slightly when you catch her and prop her on your hip. "Say hi, Zoe!" You bounced her on your hip in Regina's direction.

"Hi Zoe!" Regina lit up, smiling at her in a way you had never seen before. Zoe looked up at her, taking her in and studying her. She decided after about ten seconds that Regina was a friendly and giggled, throwing herself back in your arms.

She reached a curious hand out to Regina, most likely wanting to get her grubby paws on her earrings but the blonde knew better than to give her access to those. Instead she gave her one of her hands, letting Zoe investigate her painted nails, her rings, and her bracelets.

You could hear your dad shuffling in the kitchen behind you so you knew you had to get out of the way. You pointed your head in the direction of the dining room and began walking. You were essentially pulling Regina along because Zoe was showing zero interest in letting her go.

You walk into the dining room where Ginny, her sister Lucy, and Levi were setting up plates and silverware for dessert.

You introduced Regina to everyone and when she tried to move to shake everyone's hand, Zoe began the makings of a temper tantrum and she stayed put out of panic.

Regina apologized and thanked Ginny for having her and you took this opportunity to hand Zoe to Regina while she was distracted with talking. Zoe went with her willingly, resting her head on Regina's shoulder and fiddling with her rings.

It made your heart want to explode honestly with how cute it was.

Everyone in the room laughed and Ginny made a comment about how it looked like Regina found a friend and she was happy to have her here.

Ginny told you both to take a seat and you pulled out a chair for Regina and Zoe, helping push it in for her.

You pulled out the seat to her right for yourself, but Levi took it upon himself to slide into the seat instead and investigate this new person that both of his siblings are giving attention to.

"Levi, you butt." You say, rolling your eyes and pushing his chair in and taking the seat to Levi's right. He fully ignored you and turned his attention to Regina.

"Hi, look at my dinosaurs." He told her, pulling out three little dinosaurs from his corduroy pants and setting them on the table between them.

"I love dinosaurs." She tells him. "Do you know which dinosaurs those are?" He nods excitedly and sits on his knees, naming them out excitedly and giving her a fun fact about each of them. "See, I didn't know that about any of them. You taught me something new today." She smiled at him and he was practically vibrating with excitement.

He was ready to hop of his chair and get his dinosaur book, but Ginny told him to park it or no dessert.

He started asking her other questions; her favorite animal, her favorite planet, her favorite reptile. She answered all of his silly questions like they were the most important thing in the world to her right now and you swear you could feel yourself somehow falling even more in love with her.

Your dad served the pies, giving everyone small slices of each one to sample (there were four). When he handed you a plate to pass to Regina, he gave you a look and you know it meant that he liked her.

"Y/N, let your friend eat her pie in peace and take the baby from her." He said, after he handed you her plate.

"I was already planning on it, dad." You took the plate and stood up, setting it in front of Regina and snatching Zoe up while she was distracted by the pie. Regina chuckled and Zoe threw herself back in your arms in protest of being taken away from her new friend.

Lucy said she would take her, so you handed her over to her, but her protest turned into a meltdown so she went with Ginny instead who bribed her with pie.

There was quiet conversation over dessert. Your dad and Ginny asked Regina a few questions about herself, but nothing too crazy. How she's liking college, if she's decided on her major yet, and if she did any school activities.

Your dad was very excited to find out she played soccer. They talked about that briefly before moving on to essentially talk shit about Ginny's family.

You and Regina listened in silence, stealing glances and smiles at each other while you both enjoyed your dessert.

Once Levi was done being distracted with his own dessert, he became more talkative and more demanding of both yours and Regina's attention.

Part of you was worried that Regina was going to get annoyed. If she did, she didn't show it. She was entertaining all of Levi's silly questions, laughing at his jokes, and asking questions back to him and listening intently to his answers.

Once dessert was wrapped up, the kids were hyped up on sugar and overtired so you took that as your cue to dip out.

You both said your goodbyes. Your family hugging Regina as if they didn't just meet her a little over an hour ago.

You followed your dad into the kitchen so he could give you leftovers, packing you enough for the two of you since you told him Regina was most likely going to be going back to your mom's with you.

When you came back to the front door with your bag of leftovers, Regina had her jacket on with Levi in her arms and they were making silly faces at each other.

"Ready?" You ask with a smile. Regina nods and sets Levi down and he clings to her leg immediately.

"Can I come?"

"Not this time, hun." Ginny steps in, picking him up to avoid making it awkward for anyone. He crosses his arms and pouts. "They'll just have to come back soon." She smiles and gives him an encouraging jostle.

"Definitely, Levi. We'll be back soon." You pinch his cheek. He perks up and you know he's gonna hold you to that.

You put your own coat on and say one final goodbye before exiting the house. As soon as the door is shut, Regina links your arms together and you both start walking down the driveway.

"They knew, didn't they?" She said with a slight laugh.

"Was their acting that bad?" You ask, turning to look at her to try and gauge her reaction. She was smiling, so at least you knew she wasn't mad.

"No, they were good. They were great." She said, pulling you closer to her. "I saw the look your dad gave you when he was giving you the pie. Your dad also might've overemphasized that I was your friend just a touch." She laughed lightly.

"He tried so hard." You laugh. "I think he was just excited, but also wanted to be respectful of you."

"Excited?" She asked, pulling her keys out of her purse.

"You're the first partner I've had that he's met, technically." You explained, pulling your own keys from your coat pocket.

"I'm really sorry. I feel like I ruined that experience for you." She stopped in front of her car, turning to look at you with soft eyes. She wrapped an arm around your waist.

"No," you say softly, shaking your head. "I wouldn't have had it any other way. It was perfect. You were perfect. Did you have an okay time?" You hold her arm, pulling her closer to you and she leans into you.

"More than okay." She nods, fighting off a smile. "I love you." She whispers, leaning in and kissing you softly.

"I love you, too." You say when she pulls away. "Thank you for coming tonight." You nudge your nose against hers and she smiles.

"I'm glad I did." She presses her forehead against yours before pulling away. "It's fucking cold." She unlocks her car and you open the door for her. You rest your arm on the roof of her car, poking your head into the car slightly.

"I have a nice warm bed and some leftovers with our names on it." You sing, holding up the bag of leftovers.

"Well, fuck, why are you just standing around then?" She laughs, rolling her eyes at you playfully.

"Don't get upset with me, but you know you're gonna have to talk to your mom, right?"

"No, I know." She says softly, nodding in agreement. "I'm gonna call her. I just want to enjoy the rest of tonight with you."

"Okay." You nod, pushing some hair behind her ear. "Follow me back, then?" You say, stepping away from her car. She turns on her car and rolls her window down as you close her door.

"I'll be right on your ass, babe."

[milessunflowers]

Hiii I have been meaning to request with you but I keep forgetting (adhd suck sometimes) anyway I have had a strange hyperfixation on hockey (I live in a country where ice hockey isn't a thing so i have to watch from my websites) anyway could I get a franco x hockey player trans!reader where like franco is just supporting them though out a few games and stuff totally cool if not and am I able to grab the

🍄 anon?

FRANCO AND HOCKEY PLAYER READER YES YES YES YES YES i love franco and hockey and think abt the video of him on the ice during last seasons lv gp and it's literally my favorite!! so much inspiration for this!

franco colapinto x trans!hockey player!reader

synopsis: franco lives out his wag dreams with his hockey player boyfriend

author's note: mushroom anon, you have spoken my language. i love franco and hockey so mushing the two together really sparked creativity. this is more going to be like headcanons if thats alright! there are just so many ideas and like i couldn't just put it into one fic (maybe i should write a multi part fic of franco being a hockey wag lmk what yall think). like always, feel free to request! i might have gotten a bit carried away but its okay bc franco <3

when he can finally attend your games, he is over the moon excited

goes all out with like dressing in a jersey with your number, face paint, everything

he is 1000% the loudest out of everyone in the stadium

depending on your role (e.g. enforcer) he'll cheer even louder if you get into a fight

he definitely doesn't find it to be hot and sexy

absolutely loves watching you celebrate if you get a goal (but if you're a goalie, it makes him happy when your team celebrates you)

goes all out when you win a game

full on party mode

like balloons and everything

and if you don't win a game, he still will celebrate you (do with that as you please)

lots of hugs and kisses when you leave the locker room

your teammates find you guys adorable (if not a tad bit annoying)

your teammates are also totally chill about you being trans

they think you're the coolest

franco thinks you are the coolest

during the las vegas gp when he's invited to the rink, he is so excited

tries to show off but absolutely fails and falls on his ass

you tease him relentlessly for it afterward

he pouts and so you make it up to him (also do with that as you please)

every time he was the chance to go to one of your games, he takes advantage of it

just like when you can make it to his races

when he's at the rink, he isn't formula one driver franco, no he's full on wag mode

even if he is shown up on the jumbo screen or anywhere else, he is known as your boyfriend

he lives it up to the fullest because it takes the pressure off of him in a weird way

if anyone asks, he loves hockey more than f1

he's insane when watching you

literally your number one fan

and vice versa

you are his number one fan

when either one of you have an event, plus one immediately

so lovesick that you can spot the heart-eyes from space

when given the chance during your interviews, you bring him up

you guys just are so supportive of each other and love each other, people wouldn't be surprised if you guys got secretly married during the las vegas gp

TAGS! (if you would like to be added, lmk!)

@op-81-lvr-reblogs, @koalapastries, @justaf1girl, @ghostking4m, @spoonfulofmilo

[farfromstrange]

Sub!matt idea. Sensory deprivation.

It can be common as a way of control, heighten the experiance or even to help calm and sooth to blindfold your partner and make them rely on other senses. But for Matt he already has this to the extreme which can be distracting able to hear three blocks away when all he wants to focus on is you his world in this moment.

After a day of honestly tiring input he just asks for you to take over he somtimes does that wanting someone else to control him for a while and he trusts you. And trusts you enough to fuck you with his hearing either gone or reduced only able to feel, smell and taste you which is more then enough. Esspecially when you focus on the touch lavishing his body with sensory your hands never off him roaming, soothing holding. Your lips almost always on him kissing, sucking biting anything to elicit the sweet groans of him. He keeps a hand on your chest or throat not controlling but to be able to sense your rumbling groans and soft sighs feel the uptick in your heart rate as he focuses on you and only you

I am SO sorry that this took so long! And when I finally started writing it, I got carried away, so it took me two whole days to finish. But I wanted it to be good enough after I left you hanging.

On that note, your smutty thoughts make me feral!! Not gonna lie, I sat in my lecture the other day and I couldn't stop thinking about this, which is why this turned out to be over 4k words. On this page, we celebrate sub!Matt and all that comes with him!

Thank you so much for your request, and I hope I could do it justice <3

Sensory Deprivation | Matt Murdock x afab!Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x afab!Reader

Summary: The world tends to get a bit loud, but thankfully, you're there to help Matt focus.

Warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI), sub!Matt, use of "good boy", oral m!receiving, swallowing, use of earplugs (sensory deprivation), Matt's catholic guilt, slight blasphemy, (almost) coming untouched, mention & use of safe word/action

Word Count: 4.4k

A/n: I'm so horny for this man, I can't function. Also, even though I did proofread this, I'm not sure if I missed any mistakes. My brain doesn't function as well as it used to. I'm sorry in advance.

More than anyone in this world, Matt believes he has to function, always, and without exceptions. He believes that he has to be useful, always doing something and never resting. His heightened senses make it impossible for him to turn his back on even the most minuscule cases of injustice, and he still beats himself up time and time again because he can’t be everywhere at once. He hears everything, smells everything, and feels the despair in the air, but in the end, he can’t take on the weight of the world all by himself. 

Ever since he met you, you have become his reprieve. You’re the haven he returns home to when everything gets just a little too much. When his senses are flooded and his heart is heavy. He crawls to you when he’s wounded, and he would crawl to you if he only had a few more minutes to live. You’re the first person he thinks of when he wakes up, and the last person he thinks of when he goes to sleep at night, preferably holding you in his arms to make sure that you won’t slip away from him. In you, he has found someone who would never judge him for who he is. Someone who will always stand by his side proudly, and someone who will hold him when he’s at his weakest. And he has been hanging off the edge of his breaking point for quite some time, holding on for dear life.

You can tell Matt must have had an awful day from the second the key turns in the lock to your shared apartment. His feet drag over the wooden floorboards as he makes his way inside. You look up from your book. 

Matt takes a deep breath, dropping his bag by the door. His shoulders are tense. He folds his cane, places it aside, and removes the red glasses you’ve grown to love—but you don’t nearly love them as much as his beautiful brown eyes, the green specks so distinctive, you could recognize them anywhere.

“Rough day?” you ask. 

He opens the first button of his dress shirt with shaky fingers. “Yeah. I don’t wanna talk about it,” he says. 

He hasn’t said hi to you like he usually would. Tonight seems to be one of those nights again. You know Matt well enough to pick up on the subtle clues in his behavior. He’s overwhelmed, possibly even anxious, and the weight he always carries on his shoulders is threatening to crush him. He’s walking a very thin tightrope, and he’s about to fall off. 

You place your book on the coffee table and straighten up. He rounds the couch you’re sitting on, his unfocused eyes searching for you. Your heartbeat resonates in his ears. Your breathing is regular. You’re calm. You’re his rock. You won’t let him drown, no matter how strong the current is that is dragging him down. 

Raising your eyebrows, you look up at him when he stops right in front of you. “No hello kiss?” you dare to ask. It’s a soft question, a little teasing, but he knows you mean well. 

Matt shakes his head. As soon as he breathes you in, he’s done for. His brain cells fry on the electric chair of his mind. His heart starts beating up to his throat. You’re so close yet so far away. You smell incredible; you must have showered after work, and then you sat down with your favorite tea and read your favorite book while waiting for him so you could have dinner together. You’re so considerate, you even used his scentless soap so all he would be able to smell is your natural scent. You consume him. The city moves into the background, and the bricks are about to fall off his shoulders. He’s close to collapsing, falling on his knees and begging you to take control to just make him forget, but he isn’t quite there yet.

A car honks in the distance. The night is calling for him. His hand clenches into a fist at his side while the other rests flat against his thigh. 

You slowly rise from your position. “Matthew,” you breathe his name like a siren. “What do you need?”

He sniffs. His fingers twitch. He has to go out, but he can’t. You envelop him in a bubble, and it makes him feel like he isn’t alone. Like he isn’t trapped. Like he can finally let go after holding on for so long. 

“Talk to me,” you say. 

His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. “There was so much noise,” Matt whispers back. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t focus. I’m trying to stay in control, but I can’t focus, and—” He breaks off into a shaky sigh. 

You chase his eyes; they��re glossed over. You reach out to tilt his chin in your direction. His eyes flutter closed. A stray tear slips down his cheek. It’s a tear stemming from months of exhaustion, physical pain, and emotional turmoil. He tried to push through, but he’s arrived at a point of no return. He’s breaking, and you’re the only one capable of catching him. 

After another deep breath, Matt’s eyes open again. “You’re here,” his voice is still barely above a whisper, but the smile that starts to grow on his lips speaks the language of relief. 

“I’m always here,” you answer. 

“You keep me sane.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been distant.”

“I also know that, but it doesn’t matter. I know how hard it is for you. If you need to be distant for a while and then blow off some steam, I’m okay with it.”

He shudders when your fingers brush his cheek. The faint bruise underneath his eye has turned green. You trace the injury with gentle fingertips. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” he says. 

You smile back at him, knowing he can feel it, and you guide him toward your face. “You exist,” you tell him. “That’s enough for you to deserve me.”

His nose brushes against yours, but before his lips can meet yours, he stops. He inhales your scent. He feels your pulse under his fingers from where he’s wrapped them around your wrist. Your skin feels so soft against his. He’s no longer on fire. The world is no longer on fire. He can let go. He wants to know that it’s okay to let go, but the voice in his head is telling him to stop. The crossroads he finds himself at won’t let him leave in the direction he wants to go. 

You can feel his inner turmoil. He’s holding back. He always does so. You’ve been together for what feels like forever, and he still doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants. What he needs. What he deserves. You told him to be primal when he needs to be. You told him to admit when you need to take over. He never does it out of his own free will. He waits until you force him into submission. 

Tonight should be the night he finally tells you. Matt needs to learn that his needs matter just as much as yours. His catholicism can go to hell for all you care. 

“I need—” He swallows. “I-I need t—”

“Go ahead,” you urge him. 

“Ugh,” the sound resembles a broken growl. And then, the barriers finally break. “I need you to take over,” he begs. “I need you to help me breathe again, sweetheart. Please. I need you.”

God, he sounds so wrecked. 

“You want me to take control?” you ask to clarify. 

He nods. “Yes.”

“Okay. Good boy. I can do that.”

Matt’s lips part in a weak whimper in response to your praise. Calling him a ‘good boy’ always has the same welcome effect. You don’t even have to look down to know that his cock is slowly swelling in his slacks. 

All the blood has rushed from his head and his beautiful rosy, stubbly cheeks to his groin. It doesn’t take much to turn him on, especially not in his current state—especially not if it’s you.

Hearing him admit that he needs you like this makes you feel a myriad of emotions. You want to take care of him, you want to love him, and you want to give him a moment of peace amongst the constant chaos, but there is also something so arousingly erotic about the way he begs for you to take control that makes your thighs clench. 

Often enough, he is the one taking care of you. Matt is a giver, not a taker. He always puts you first, but on some days, he just can’t bear it anymore. And you couldn’t possibly ask him to take charge in bed in his current state. It would break him. He’s a vulnerable man, whether he likes to admit it or not, and he can be as fragile as an ancient vase. You have to handle him with care on those days, which is all you intend to do as you guide him to your shared bedroom. 

You gently urge him to sit down on the bed. “Do you trust me?” you ask. 

His unfocused eyes flick from one side to the other. “Always,” he breathes out. 

“Good. Lie back for me. I’m going to take such good care of you, I promise.”

He would never doubt that. 

You climb into his lap, and finally, you kiss him. His lips part slightly in a desperate groan. Before he can slide his tongue into your mouth though, you pull away. His grabby hands are already resting on your hips, wandering, and wandering, and…

“Nuh-uh,” you tell him, taking hold of his calloused fingers and placing them on your upper thighs. “Patience, baby.”

“Please,” Matt begs. You love it when he begs. He’s completely putty in your hands. You could tell him to get on his knees and pray, and he would, no matter how blasphemous it may be. 

He’s holding onto you for dear life. You place his hand against the left side of your chest, allowing him to feel your heartbeat. He isn’t leaving you cold. He never does. Alone the sight of him is enough to make your thighs clench with need, but straddling him, you can’t get the friction you need. 

You reach for the nightstand to your right, opening the drawer. You know exactly what he needs. “Turn your head for me,” you murmur. 

Matt follows your instructions without questioning them. Finally finding what you were looking for, you retrieve the earplugs from the bedside drawer. This isn’t the first time you have used them on him, or he has used them on you. The specific brand renders you almost entirely deaf and renders Matt’s enhanced hearing almost to an entirely normal level.

You gently put the first plug into his left ear, then the other into his right. Before you push it in though, you ask, “Do you remember our safeword?” 

He nods. “Red,” he says. 

“Good boy. And when you can’t speak?”

“Tap your wrist three times.” His lips curl up into a weak smile. “Usually, I’m the one asking you that.” 

“Not tonight, you aren’t. May I put this in now?” You tap the earplug.

He nods again. It’s all the confirmation you need before inserting it, reducing his hearing completely. He lets out a sigh of relief. He closes his eyes, and you know he’s trying not to cry. 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” you ask, cradling his cheek. His stubble scratches your fingertips, but it’s a welcome pain. 

He can still hear what you’re saying, feel the vibrations in your chest from where his hand is resting, and he smells you so much clearer now that he no longer has to listen to the city screaming at him in the background. Your arousal gets stuck to the tiny hairs in his nose, and he inhales sharply. Every nerve in his body is on fire. 

Matt moans. His tongue darts out, tasting the air. For a moment, he forgets that you just asked for his consent. Everything is so much more intense, yet it isn’t nearly enough. 

“Matthew,” you nudge him. “Talk to me.”

“Yes,” he whispers. At least he thinks he’s whispering. 

You smile, seemingly satisfied with his answer, and then you lean down to kiss him again. This time, you let him push his tongue into your mouth, tasting you, feeling you, and consuming all of you. He wants every ounce of you ingrained in his mind forever. 

His hands slide under your shirt, feeling the warmth of your skin. His focus is on you entirely. You help him take the pesky piece of fabric off, followed by his own. He’s suddenly so hot. 

Your teeth clash when you kiss. His cock is hard as a rock, pressing against his lower abdomen. You can feel it between your thighs. It must be painful for him. 

His kisses trail from your mouth, down your neck. He tastes the salt on your skin. Your pulse jumps as he drags his tongue over the vein. It’s a primal need. He needs to mark you. He needs to taste you, all of you, and make you his for all the world to see. An animalistic growl escapes his lips. His teeth dig into your skin. He nibbles just enough to make you moan, your chest vibrating underneath his hand. Matt doesn’t even hesitate to grab a handful of your breast, tugging at your sensitive nipple until it’s stiff enough to rival his aching cock. 

You throw your head back, your jaw slack, and he uses the newfound space to kiss down to your collarbone. You’re going to be purple and bruised tomorrow, but you don’t care. 

With a demanding grip on his hair that pulls at his scalp and causes him to groan against your shoulder, you push his head toward your chest. He isn’t in control, you are, and you know how much he loves to please you. 

Like a man starving, he sucks your nipple into his mouth. No, it’s not just your nipple. He takes as much as he can into his mouth, his teeth grazing the sensitive nub only momentarily before he moves on to the rest of your silky skin. 

You moan. You have to let him know that you’re enjoying yourself. He feels the sound deep within your chest from where his hand is resting, and the way your breast moves slightly when you moan. Matt only becomes more eager when he feels and smells what he’s doing to you. 

The scent of you is addicting. Your arousal smells slightly sour, sometimes slightly metallic, but most of all, it is you. And when he tastes your essence on the tip of his tongue without even licking at your slick folds because you are simply that wet, it makes him feral with this insanely primal need to have you. 

He wants to spread you out before him and taste you until you’re coming all over his face. Though today, he is too weak to keep you restrained to the mattress. Matt takes what he can get, what you are willing to give him, and he does so eagerly, like the good boy that he wants to be for you. 

With the world silenced, he can focus on you. The way your heart is hammering against your ribcage, right against his palm. The way your chest heaves with every labored breath you take as he sucks and sucks at your breast until your nipple is beyond swollen. He can feel how smooth your skin is, smell the remnants of your body lotion that he sometimes steals so he can smell you everywhere he goes, and the slight sheen of sweat that has started to cover your body from head to toe. And he can smell your arousal so thick in the air, his cock jumps at the mere thought of sinking into your tight walls—of being completely consumed by you, body and soul. He doesn’t need to hear right now, all he needs to do is feel you. 

You know about his desperate urge to please. You know that, even while you’re in charge, he wants nothing more than to make you feel good. Matt is anything but selfish. But his selflessness doesn’t have a place in this bedroom tonight. 

As crazy as his mouth on your breasts is driving you into an oblivion of pure ecstasy, your walls clenching around nothing, you find it in yourself to pull him away. 

With his eyes hooded, he looks so delicious. His cock is still straining against his lower abdomen in his underwear. When you pull him away, his expression reads offense. You can’t help but snicker. 

“Did you think I’d let you make this about me?” you say just loud enough for the sound to reach through the earplugs. 

He exhales. “I was praying,” he says. 

Praying. He is too far gone to realize. There are sides to Matt Murdock you love more than others, and when he becomes blasphemous, it does things to you. This good catholic boy turns into mush when you just touch him, and then you are his God. You’re who he wants to worship, and he would pray to you, worship at the altar of your body, and drink your essence like holy water if it meant being all over you and inside of you. And you take your position very seriously. 

He trusts you. That is not a small feat. He trusts you with his body and soul, and he trusts you with the most vulnerable parts of him, be it in bed or merely a hug after a bad day. You know what he needs, and he trusts you to take care of him. He wouldn’t let just anyone do what you do to him.

“What were you praying for?” you ask him. 

“You,” he whispers. 

“You can have me, but first… focus.”

He told you he was losing focus because the world was far too late, so with the noise reduced, you will help him focus on something other than the world out there. 

“Feel that?” You kiss his mouth, and from there, you move down to his stubbly jaw. “Focus on that. Focus on me.”

Matt sucks in another sharp breath. While one hand still rests on your chest, the other comes to rest around your neck, feeling your pulse, feeling you, and his eyes flutter closed at the feeling of your luscious lips all over him. 

Your kisses trail down his neck. You pay close attention to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He moans. His hips buck upward. He’s so painfully hard, his cock has already started leaking pre-cum into his boxers. 

Each scar, each indentation on his skin that reminds you of all the good he does at the expense of his health, you kiss. You trace your tongue over the healed wounds, feeling the warmth of his skin seep into yours. He’s so sensitive. 

His fingers involuntarily clench around your neck, but you don’t mind. He’s not choking you, he’s simply trying to hold on. You have established a safe word for a reason, after all. He can get carried away the same way you can get carried away.

You wouldn’t dare push him too far though. Not tonight. Not when he’s already this wrecked underneath you. You purposefully leave his nipples out of the equation and move further down his body. His abs tense under your tender touch. You can’t help but smile. 

And him? Matt feels like he’s floating. He can feel every kiss against his heated skin, your fingertips tracing his scars after you’ve so sensually pressed your mouth against them, and he can feel your every breath as you move downward. Every kiss leaves a series of shivers in its wake. He’s hot, yet he’s cold. He needs more, but at the same time, you are already close to driving him into overstimulation. 

His balls tighten. He can’t believe that the feeling of you is enough to make him want to explode. He knows that if you touch his cock now, he might as well come right then and there. It’s so much more intense like this when he doesn’t get distracted by the world outside. You are his world, and you are all he focuses on. 

You move further down until you reach his boxers. His arm is no longer long enough to keep his hand around your neck, so he moves it into your hair. It’s a silent warning, you suppose because he is close. You only kissed him, and he’s already so close to coming undone. You don’t blame him. He’s been so tense lately. 

You press a kiss to his hip bone before murmuring against his milky skin, “It’s okay.”

Matt whimpers. Your words make their way into his bloodstream. 

You pull his boxers down. The cold air hits his aching tip and the way his back arches makes you almost feel bad. You spit into your hand, but you make sure your palm is warm enough before you reach for his girth. 

The moment you touch him, he’s done for. “Sweetheart, I can’t–” he chokes out, but you shush him by placing your lips against his tip. 

You lick at the salty pre-cum. It tastes like him. You can’t deny that you missed this while he was so distant from you. This is as much for you as it is for him, that is something you can’t deny either. You’re a little selfish tonight. Just a little. 

His words of protest get swallowed by a needy moan, and his fist tightens in your hair. He’s not going to last long. 

Matt is not one to come early. The guilt swallows him faster than you can swallow his cum, which is why he always holds himself back. Tonight though, you won’t let him torture himself for your pleasure. You hate it when he does it. 

“Ugh!” the moan comes from the depths of his chest. “Fucking–God!”

You take him into your throat as far as you can without gagging, and what you can’t take, you wrap your hand around. He’s so thick, and he’s so incredibly big—you can feel the tears forming in your eyes. But God, he is so beautiful with his head thrown back, brown eyes squeezed shut, and that little drop of sweat dripping down his temple. It’s lewd, it’s erotic, and it makes your thighs clench. 

All of his reservations vanish when you take him all in. Your throat is tight, but you’re enthusiastic. Your tongue traces the vein on the underside of his cock, moving back up to the overly sensitive head. Your hands cup his balls. Every time you go down on him, Matt swears he can feel heaven reaching its hand out to him.

He grips your hair a little tighter, his other hand tangling in the sheets. He’s so close. He twitches, painfully so. And when he comes, he instinctively pulls your head upward so you won’t choke. His hot cum spurts down your throat, and you have no choice but to swallow. 

You surprise both yourself and him when you fight against his hand and force yourself down far enough so that your nose brushes the base of his cock, and you gag. 

Your throat is so tight and hot that it drags his orgasm on for eternity. He can hear his blood rushing in his ears. His heart is racing out of his chest as if it has somewhere to be. The fire ripples through him, the inferno turning into a dangerous explosion that tears his nerves apart, putting them back together just to tear them apart again. He feels as though the skin is falling off his very fragile bones, and his muscles collapse in on themselves. 

Matt can’t breathe. When he finally manages to untangle his hands from your hair, he lies there. The blood in his ears is obnoxious. He can’t hear. He can’t see. And suddenly, he can’t even feel anymore. He doesn’t exist. Reality slips away into a moment in time. Now, he’s dying. It feels like he is dying. 

You pull off his cock, catching your breath. His cum trickles down the corner of your mouth. You wipe it away. Pressing a kiss to his hip bone, you look up through your lashes. At first, he looks blissed out, but his expression quickly changes. 

He can’t talk. You take his hand. “Matt,” you coax him. 

Not even his chest is lifting in time to accommodate his heavy breathing. His body is shaking as every ounce of stress falls off his shoulders, and his nerves fall victim to the inferno that is still wreaking havoc inside of him.

He taps your wrist three times. 

“Okay,” you murmur. You quickly climb back up his body. 

“Out,” he manages to tell you, weakly pointing to the earplugs. 

“Okay, baby. I’ve got you. Just breathe.”

You pull the earplugs out as fast as you can. Matt’s arms wrap around you, searching for a lifeline, and he pulls you against him.

“Shhh.” You cradle his head in the crook of your neck. 

You hold him like this for a while. You hold him against you tightly, gently, as if he is the most fragile thing you have ever held. 

Eventually, his breathing returns to normal. His heart starts to slow down. His fingertips no longer dig into your back as desperately as they have before. He’s just content now. 

You press your lips to the crown of his head. “You okay?” you dare to ask. 

Matt takes a moment before he nods. He leans back slightly. “Thank you,” he breathes. 

“For what?”

His lips curl into a tired yet satisfied smile. “For helping me focus.”

You smile back at him. “My pleasure,” you say, and you lean down to capture his lips in a loving kiss. 

“I love you,” he murmurs into the kiss.

“And I love you, Matthew Michael Murdock.”

“Oh, you love me that much, huh?”

You giggle, “Shut up!” before you pull him in for another kiss. 

For now, he needs to catch his breath and pick up the pieces you shattered by giving him this orgasm, but you know that once he does, it is going to be a long night for you. And you won’t be able to find it in yourself to complain. Not that you want to, anyway.

Matt Murdock Smut Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @linamarr @mcugeekposts @itwasthereaminuteago @mattkinsella @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @sya-skies @amberritonicole @ravenclaw617

[wonton4rang]

i freaking love your writing aaaa 🫶🫶

im kinda biased here but leehan doing sumn under the table or blanket and continuing conversation like the menace that he is 🤭

also rlly honored to have been ur first ask 😚

stoooooppp, you're so nice :(( i'm glad that you like my writing and tysm for being my first ask, it was greatly appreciated <33

and you are not biased !!! i am honestly the same so we are kinda sharing one braincell tbh, the leehan brainrot is rEAL. hope you like this!

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i feel like it would happen when you too are hanging out with the other guys, you dressed up so prettily since it was a big night for sungho, he just got that promotion that he wanted for years. it was a celebration! but leehan just couldn't wrap his mind over the fact that YOU had to dress SO cute AND hot when sungho was nothing more than a friend of YOUR boyfriend leehan. was he jealous? yes. not because he saw sungho as a menace but more because everyone was looking at you whenever you laughed or said the most basic things, being pretty obvious that they just found you as beautiful as he did. but what actually made him grin a little bit with disbelief was the way you tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and looked down while laughing, were you really flirting back? "y/n, what's up with you?" he whispered to your ear, his right arm grapped around your waist before you asked him what he meant "what's so funny about what riwoo said?" you were not stupid, not even a little bit, so you backed up to look into his eyes, suddenly all the fun left your body when you were just met by his blank stare. "he has a great sense of humour, baby, nothing personal" excuses was all leehan heard coming out your mouth so he just ignored your words, his free left hand (that was not around your waist) going up your tight instead and making you panic when he looked back to the front, joining the conversation with the boys while his fingers dangerously ghosted the front of your underwear. and he was kinda rough the moment he threw your panties aside and entered a finger without warning. "fuck, leehan" you called under your breath so the others couldn't hear you but leehan ignored you again and just moved his finger, joining another one after a few seconds; it was so embarrassing to be feeling this good while your boyfriend fingered you right in front of his friends, just under the table, the blanket being the only thing keeping the obscene action covered as the table was made of glass. "stop it" your hand went to grab his but you wished you didn't say or did anything when he finally payed attention to you again. "did you say something, baby?" he would ask you, accelerating the movement of his fingers, not being in and out but now just curling them up inside of your cunt. "guys, i think y/n wants to say something" you just couldn't believe it, he was such a bitch, such a tease, and well shit, you were up for the challenge. your pussy clenched around his fingers and your cheeks flushed when he laughed at you being so nervous, and how could you not be when all the other boys were looking at you in expectation. "c'mon, baby, tell sungho what you wanted to say" leehan better sleeps with an eye open from now on, his fingers not stopping at all when you tried to gain composure and smiled to the party boy "i'm so happy you g-got this promotion, sungho, you definitely deserv-" but your words got lost when your boyfriend got his finger's pace faster inside of you "you deserve it, congratulations" and you thanked god for letting you finish that sentence without moaning in front of all of them, certainly traumatizing woonhak if it happened. the boy sitting next to you just removed his fingers from your pussy and laughed a bit at how wet you were and the pout you made by not being able to come, he leaned in to your ear and whispered "next time you make me feel like this i'll vent you over the table and fuck you in front of them" you were kinda mad, yes, but tbh your pussy throbbed at the thought. maybe leehan wasn't the only one that was kinda crazy.

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and there goes again another leehan thought again of my system, it's like a plague, they just keep coming back 😭

[bambisnc]

     . . . ILLUMINATE

° ˖ ➴ or, new year's eve kisses w riize!

### . STARRING ⌢ OT7 ⋆ fluff. crack. + 0.8k // kissing + drinking mention ˖ ✧

🗨️ .. ⌞ XOXO ⌝ happy 2025 to those who celebrate !!! wasnt ab to write for riize ong. but idk its ab to be 1 year of this acc and they're the group i started out writing for so i couldn't not + also these're my FAV ot7 pics ever btw + [m.list]

౨ৎ ˖ 大崎将太郎 — ❪ OSAKI SHOTARO ❫  

“ planning to kiss at midnight but not being able to because there's Too Much Happening so ending up kissing after everything's over in the early hours of the morning ”

imagine the two of you being the hosts of a party and it being extremely .. chaotic, to say the least. i'm talking some random person screaming, someone tripping and falling down, someone just. drunk outta their mind the second midnight strikes 😀 ... leaving you to sort the Many, many conflicts occurring by yourselves. you and taro would find yourself alone with each other only at like maybe 5 am the next day and he'd be the absolute sweetest ever; would kiss your forehead softly, and thank you for being "so, so perfect f'me" as the soft morning light streams in. even if the moment wouldn't be picture perfect you wouldn't really want it any other way <3

          ⋅ ˚ ଳ ₊ ‧ others utc

౨ৎ ˖ 송은석 — ❪ SONG EUNSEOK ❫  

“ pretending to be a couple at a new year's eve party and kissing to drive home the point ”

you can pry fake dating w eunseok out of my cold dead hands. anyway. the setting can vary; it could be childhood friend!seok dating you to avoid awkward and way too intrusive questions from relatives you haven't even seen for like 10 years, or academic rival!seok and you dating at some official/academic party to idk flex on haters? etc. but the ending would mostly be along the lines of someone trying to flirt w you/him bc they don't really think you two of all people could Actually be dating so you end up kissing on impulse (and lowkey bc of peer pressure) but the kiss kinda ends up .. lasting way too long for it to just be fake? :/

౨ৎ ˖ 정성찬 — ❪ JUNG SUNGCHAN ❫  

“ partner yapping and making a scene (for example if they're like drunk out of their mind) right before midnight and you having to kiss them to shut them up ”

what do i even say man .. there's always gonna be this one guy who talks just a tad bit too much and lowkey causes a scene >.< the only difference is that this time it'll just so happen to be your cutie patootie bf. honestly he might just lowkey be playing it up for your attention which obviously you don't mind giving him <3 and when you inevitably end up cupping his face in your hands and softly pressing your lips against his, he'll only smile and be more than willing to shut up for you because well .. it's you!

౨ৎ ˖ 박원빈 — ❪ PARK WONBIN ❫  

“ them pulling off a whole entire gesture flawlessly and kissing you as their grand finale ”

let us go back down for a minute to our (my) roots straight into one of the Most disney things i can think of. performing in public to confess feelings/love to the person you like <3 imagine wonbin performing a whole ahh song and dedicating it to you at a party he organized (which is also mainly only for you) because why would he be lowkey when he can be grand n dramatic about it? of course if you're not comfortable he wouldn't like Announce it to everyone and draw unwanted attention to you 😭😭 but still let you know via means of his subtle gestures <3 and obviously you kiss him when he, (slightly out of breath), w all the earnestness of the world asks if "you liked it my love?"

౨ৎ ˖ 홍승한 — ❪ HONG SEUNGHAN ❫  

“ classic fireworks kiss ”

he deserves the softest fluffiest trope for sure. i see him kinda dragging you away from the other people at whatever get together/gathering you're at to take you to a quieter spot, a balcony perhaps or just a nice window with a good view of earlier mentioned fireworks. would tell you how much he loves you (probably even give u a littol gift,, for example, matching rings ...) and kiss you right after. it'd happen right as the fireworks set off and if someone was to take a picture it would literally top charts on uh pinterest idk? you get what i mean - it'd be perfect.

౨ৎ ˖ 이소희 — ❪ LEE SOHEE ❫  

“ kissing as a soft launch ”

bbg deserves the fluffiest trope x2 i feel like it wouldn't just be an impulsive thing; you both would have a rough, basic idea of wanting some way to show off each other <3 and what better time to do that than with the start of the new year? so right after the countdown, when midnight strikes, you'd kiss. and at first people wouldn't even really pay attention but then someone would be like "wait a minute......." and you guys would kinda just chill there holding hands, lowkey giggling. menaces, really; but at least you guys are cute ...

౨ৎ ˖ 이찬영 — ❪ LEE CHANYOUNG ❫  

“ who're you kissing at midnight? trope ”

yk the whole wanting to kiss your partner who you're dating in secret but still not wanting your relationship to be out in the open so you end up pulling some strings and (nicely) manipulating your friends to kiss e/o platonically so you can pass off you and your partner's kiss as just part of that (courtesy to popular sitcom friends s5, ep11). i'm thinking a little kiss on the cheek, and looking at e/o lovingly (.. sappy much ...) and none of your friends/family/whoever being any wiser because it's just a platonic thing right? :D if anyone was to look Closely though, your jig would be over SO fast trust .. >.<

𐙚 . regulars : @x0llaz @nicholasluvbot ⋆

  [@bambisnc] 2k24

[ze-ppe-li]

...🇪​🇳​🇬​🇱​🇮​🇸​🇭​ 🇮​🇸​🇳​·🇹​ 🇲​🇾​ 🇫​🇮​🇷​🇸​🇹​ 🇱​🇦​🇳​🇬​🇺​🇦​🇬​🇪​ 🇦​🇳​🇾​🇼​🇦​🇾​

Gangbang, G!P Blackpink, sub! reader fifth member! reader, blowjob (jisoo and rosé), cunnilingus (r), brief daddy kink, anal sex, deepthroating, triple penetration, ass to mouth, bukkake, dp in one hole.

The five women gathered together after a triumphant performance, celebrating their victory against the screaming crowd. Their energy was high, fueled by the roars of approval from thousands of devoted fans. As they exited the stadium doors, a buzz still lingered within the air, a testament to their magnetic stage presence.

Once inside the hotel room, the girls finally had some privacy away from the prying eyes of adoring fans. Rosé quickly mixed them all drinks before flopping onto one of the plush sofas. "This feels like such a rare moment," she sighed dreamily.

"Indeed it does." Jisoo agreed. "But I must say, we could use something stronger than these drinks if tonight's going to end like our last gathering!" Her flirtatious tone caused everyone else to laugh and take off their clothes. 

It wasn't long until they were all standing naked except for the glittery accessories they hadn't taken off yet. Rosé took a seat, crossing her legs provocatively. "Let me introduce you all" she smiled, grabbing each girl's hand gently. 

"This is my sweet little Jennie, her dick will surely make you beg for mercy"

Jennie stepped forward, flashing her figure. She approached Lisa slowly, admiring her curvaceous beauty, taking her time to explore every inch of Lisa's delicious body.

Meanwhile, you couldn't help but feel aroused watching them both, especially when Lisa began unzipping Jennie's pants, exposing her throbbing cock. It seemed almost surreal seeing these two powerful females getting intimate with each other. Furthermore, you were the only member with a vagina.

As you turned towards Jisoo, who was already undressed, ready to ravage you with her expert touch, you noticed Rosé kneeling down beside you, her hands moving seductively across your thighs.

She whispered into your ear, "Remember, I am here for you too... don't forget about me..."

Her words sent shivers down your spine, making you want her just as badly as the rest.

Without further delay, Jisoo pushed you onto the bed, climbing on top of you. Her soft lips met yours passionately, sending waves of desire coursing through your veins. 

Your mind raced with anticipation, wondering which position would bring out the most pleasure. Your unnie eagerly awaited her turn, her breath coming in short bursts. With a devious grin, she pulled you closer, allowing her fingers to tease your sensitive skin.

As you felt the warmth of her lips brushing against yours, your heart raced faster. This was unlike anything you ever experienced, the thrill of having four beautiful women surround you, each craving their share of passionate embrace.

Without warning, Jennie grasped your head firmly, guiding you towards her hardened member. You couldn't resist its allure, leaning forward to taste her. Her moans filled the room as you caressed her soft skin, feeling her excitement grow with each passing second. 

At that moment, Lisa, who was masturbating, approached both of you and saw you; you swallowing Jennie's cock and Jennie. She also needed to taste your throat at the same time as Jennie. Seeing you there, choking a little, she was excited by the idea that she would provoke the same reflex in you, just as Jennie was doing.

At first she wanted to fuck your face, then slowly withdraw her cock while you choke with Jennie's one, now it became clear to her that she didn't need to do any of this, because you did that perfectly yourself. So you were completely alone in front of four hot women who are giving you what you can't get enough. And since all four are equally desirable, your options for getting pleasure have multiplied.

Now with both cocks in your mouth, you were able to go up and down without much problem, licking, sucking, kissing and licking again, in no particular order, tasting and playing with different flavors. You had always loved giving blowjobs but now it's even better, the sense of satisfaction never been so complete. Jennie enjoyed it too, as she was pushing her cum in your mouth, so you could swallow it and enjoy the rich taste. On the other hand, with Lisa, the more you sucked, the more she got excited. Also, you never imagined it could be such an awesome feeling being completely submissive, knowing you were only useful for fulfilling sexual desires.

While your tongue was quickly working on your unnies' dicks, two other tongues were on you, one on your clit and the other inside you sweet hole; Jisoo and Rosé were clearly enjoying you as much as you liked them, you felt incredibly sexy with them tonguing at you. While the blonde was sucking on your clit, the oldest was exploring your walls with her tongue, making sure she got every inch of you. They went on like this for a while until Jennie lost control and grabbed your head, holding it tightly, keeping you still while she unleashed her orgasm. The sweetest taste of cum flooded your mouth and you tried to catch as much as you could but some escaped from your open mouth.

Lisa, feeling the cum of her unnie mixing with her meat and your throat's juice, could no longer hold back and moaned with pure joy. At that moment, your throat was invaded by that white liquid again and your eyes closed with ecstasy as you were pleasured with the thick cream of both girls, forcing you to drink the load of them

Now your tongue and her shafts made contact, both retreating from your mouth with an audible "pop!" After licking off their cum, you moaned sluttily, since the activity had not ended there; Rosé and Jisoo were between your legs, eating you out. Their warm breath on your crotch made your knees tremble and your heart race, causing Lisa to make another pass with her tongue and eat you some more, so now all three tongues were lapping away at your snatch, creating an ocean of sensations inside you.

Feeling Lisa's finger slide inside you, it was then you realized how you had neglected your own pleasure all the time. In fact, Lisa showed you what a girl's tongue feels like inside you , how much it would excite you when another woman licked it, while another slides her finger in you. That feeling of wetness and relaxation while she plays with your walls made you moan loudly, unable to contain yourself. She inserted her middle finger deeper and twirled it around, applying gentle pressure to your G-spot, while the tip of Jisoo's index finger continued to stimulate your clit, spreading you wider and opening you up.

Suddenly Rosé and Jisoo were pulled away, leaving only Lisa's finger buried deep in you. At first she withdrew it, licking the fluid oozing out, making you want more. But Lisa quickly brought it back and slid it all the way in, making you squirm and whine. Your moans were loud, filling the room, drawing everyone's attention towards you.

With that last stroke, Lisa stopped, removed her fingers, covered them with your juices, then placed them on your lips and pushed them in, cleaning herself off. This action, followed by Jennie's breath on your neck, told you they were close, and you knew that soon you would feel their big cocks inside you.

In an instant, you found yourself with Rosé behind you, while Jennie stood in front of you. Your body quivered as you felt Rosé's cold, lubed fingers tracing circles along your back entrance, causing waves of delightful sensations to course through your veins.

In response, you reached out and cupped Jennie's breasts tenderly, letting your fingertips glide across the smooth texture of her nipples. She let out a sharp intake of breath, unable to hide her arousal any longer. Desire danced in her eyes as she stuck her head out passing your shoulder, meeting Rosé's expectant gaze. Both of them shared a silent understanding; this night was meant to break boundaries, to push limits beyond what they thought possible.

Before either of them could react, Lisa took hold of the situation, slinking gracefully to her side. With calculated movements, she eased her way between Jennie and Rosé, placing a kiss on each of their lips simultaneously.

She stood behind you, next to Rosé, both looked at each other and smiled at each other triumphantly, since they shared the same purpose; to totally gape your little hole.

Meanwhile, Jisoo was stroking herself at your side, her member was dangerously close to your face.

She chuckled and looked down at you "Be a good girl and take my cock"

You allowed Jisoo to push her hard and deep into your mouth. With each thrust of Jisoo's cock, her entire shaft slid down your throat. When it finally hit the back of your mouth, the tip met the back of your throat. As you kept pumping Jisoo's cock in and out of your mouth, Jennie entered your pussy, slamming her hips into you. You turned your head, watching Rosé and Lisa continue to pound your ass with their full cocks. You felt incredible stretched out by two cocks inside your butt at once.

The sensations of your three holes being pounded by these powerful cocks had been building for days. Each thrust sent jolts of pain and bliss to your insides, making you want them to go harder, faster. While both Lisa and Rosé's cocks poked in and out of your anus, Jennie took her time slowly entering your pussy, just enough for your muscles to relax, giving her better access. She started pulling out almost all the way, stopping just short of where you had been fucked before.

This motion put added pressure onto your swollen clit. Every time Jennie withdrew, the throbbing sensation returned and became even stronger, but just as fast as she penetrated you, she retreated again. It was driving you crazy, wanting Jennie to push deeper and deeper. It didn't help that Jisoo's massive dick rubbed against your throat each time it was forced into your mouth. Her deep breathing, mixed with her heavy breathing, drove you crazy as you struggled not to gag on her hard shaft.

After spending too long under the combined stimulation, your orgasm started to build, swelling until it exploded inside you. You couldn't stop it; you let out a scream of release. Your walls squeezed Jennie's dick, making her thrust harder and deeper into you.

Finally, she gave one final shove and came inside you. You could feel every drop running out of you. When you finally calmed down, she stepped back, freeing you from the stimulation. But still, you had two cocks inside your gaping hole, which made you feel even hornier than before. Lisa leaned over and you turned your head back, offering you her warm tongue, which you eagerly sucked, flicking it against your roof of your mouth as you tasted her essence.

Finally, Rosé stopped thrusting into you, crying out her orgasm as she filled you up with cum. Lisa's strokes slowed as well. After a minute or so, she let the spunk fill you too, Slowly, she retracted her hard cock from your asshole, releasing her from its warmth and delicious tightness. Cum leaked out of your hole and pooled around your puckered asshole, creating a sticky mess.

Rosé stood next to you, abandoning your gaped hole. Her wet, leaking penis was now in front of you, it was getting harder and bigger by the second. A shiver went down your spine as you realized how much of a challenge Rosé was about to pose.

With an eager grin, you wrapped your hand around Rosé's engorged member and pulled it towards your mouth. Before you knew it, you were sucking and licking Rosé's fat, sensitive dick. The taste was salty and slightly bitter, it had become more pleasurable after several minutes. Rosé moaned louder, reaching for your head, holding you down as she thrusted into your mouth.

"You look so good sucking daddy's cock"

You turned to see who had said that and it was Jisoo, who, although you had not noticed it at that moment, was already behind you pounding your loosened ass.

Jennie and Lisa were masturbating, seeing how Rosé and Jisoo used you and desecrate you in those ways. Their hardened members were pointing straight at you, and that only meant one thing; absolutely your entire body would be marked with their sperm.

While you continued deepthroating Rosé and your unnie continued to fuck your ass, Jennie and Lisa approached your tits, squeezing them roughly. They tore at your nipples, biting and pulling them while Rosé fucked your throat.

It was vital that you came again, but despite your best efforts, the intense pleasure simply wouldn't fade away. The four girls were already about to came when you managed to come a third time. Now it was all a race to see who would be the first to take a load from you. Rosé knew what she was doing, grinding her cock into your mouth like a bull ramming a matador, trying to force her seed down your throat. Jisoo followed suit, thrusting forcefully into your sore ass, bringing herself to orgasm. Then Jennie and Lisa, desperately pumping their softening cocks.

As the splatters of Rosé's seed landed down your throat, Jisoo pulled her cock out of your gaped anus, pointing all its essence at your back and ass crack. JenLisa came right on your face, pushing all their sperm in your body. Their hot cum dripped down your tits, staining them white.

As they looked down at you covered in all this filth, Jennie gave you a sweet kiss on your lips, then Lisa gave you another one. Out of nowhere, the four girls were hugging you, they didn't care that your whole body was full of their cum, both inside and out.

Your group spent the rest of the night laughing and telling dirty jokes. Everyone was having fun. And although you all promised to keep things discreet, you could already tell that you had formed something deeper than friends, deeper than bandmates, you all loved each other deeply.

[hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog]

Happy Monday Everyone! So I have a new series for you that I will be dropping either one chapter a week or multiple chapters this week, I am still deciding.

This series came way of a message/ask from @hobby27 she asked:

"I would love something with Jensen and reader. He sees her when he’s at a convention and he’s bonkers for her. She isn’t so interested in a relationship with him because of the fame. So he has to woo her. Make her understand that he’s not a typical movie/tv star. Slow burn."

So I give you the Limelight series- It's a Jensen x reader (plus size, curvy girl) story, Jensen meets the reader in a bar, he falls fist, she is reluctant of course, but secretly she fell for him the second he walked through the door. So can a small town girl and a celebrity make it work?

Warnings for the whole series: language, multi-pov and switching between the pov mid chapters (sorry I can't help it), Jensen coming off aggressive for a hot second but then cooling off. Some douche side characters and some lovable ones, body shaming, angst, fluff, swoon, Jared is there and Micha is mention.

This story takes place an AU where Jensen is not married but Jared is and has kids.

This chapter is 2K+. Feedback, likes and reblogs are always welcomed. Please don't post as your own work, this is my work.

Thanks!

Chapter 1

You weren't sure what possessed you to come out tonight. The city is a small lakeside tourist trap in the height of summer. It's Friday night, so it's already going to be busy. Add the fact that the first-ever Supernatural convention is taking place in a town over, and there are rumors that some cast members might appear in small-town Haven. Has every woman, single or not, out looking to catch the eye of Jared Padalecki or Jensen Ackles.

You, on the other hand, couldn't care less. That's not to say you didn't think both men weren't great actors. You're the first to put your 'Supernatural number one fan card' against anyone. You watched the show religiously, even re-watched it whenever you needed comfort or a break from the world.  You had also fallen into reading and writing a few fanfics under a pen name. 

You also weren't immune to their handsome good looks; both are sexy men in their own right. You lean more towards Jensen than Jared if you had to choose. Something about those hypnotic green eyes  and the 'Dean voice.' God, that got you through some lonely nights, for sure.

So why aren't you going boy-crazy at the fact that your celebrity crush was just one city over, or for that matter, could be in the same bar as you right now? One, you are a realist: the likelihood of him coming out, or you actually seeing him, is slim, if not nonexistent. Second, the idea of celebrity life - living in the limelight, having all eyes on you, never getting a moment to yourself - no thank you. You will take being an anonymous nobody and being able to look and act however you want without ending up on the front page of the gossip rags.

Pushing your way through the crowd of the local dive bar, you survey the crowd to see the overabundance of female to men ratio. You finally squeeze past and grab the last open barstool at the corner, next to where the wait staff come to grab their orders. Saying hi to the waitress as she loads up her tray, you take a seat and wave over at the bartender. 

"Well, look what the cat dragged in." The bartender, James, gives you a smile and wink.

Stuffing the bar towel in his back pocket, he walks to you and tosses a cardboard coaster. "Didn't think you would be one of those desperate celebrity chasers." He jokes.

He places his hands on the bar and leans towards you. His lean, muscular frame is accented by his dark denim jeans and black button-down, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, showing off the nice tan he's been working on.

Shaking your head at him, "Now, James, I wouldn't knock your guest too loud; God knows you're not mad at the extra business…or the female clientele." You quip, picking up the coaster to fiddle with. 

You survey the room and guess it's a two to five-ratio of guys to girls in the bar tonight. "Besides, I wanted a drink." Letting out a sigh, you try to convince yourself that's why.

Not buying it, but not having the heart to call you out on your bullshit this early in the night, James gives you a nod, "OK, sure, so the usual?" He asks as he grabs the tequila to make you a margarita.

"You know my weakness."

"That I do."

Later that night

You felt good and relaxed over an hour in and two margaritas down. The day's stress dissipates, and you're glad you came out. Besides chatting with James every time he had a few minutes, you also got to reconnect with some of the other bar staff you hadn't seen. 

The crowd has started to thin out, with news that the cast members were staying in the city to party. Sightings of them all over at the more trendy bars had the sober guests heading out and the not-so-sober ones heading home. James let the last waitress clock out early, leaving only you and James. James made his way back over to you.

"So, you're still here. Thought you would have hightailed it to the city by now." He jokes, running a hand through his dark, short locks. His blue eyes locked with yours.

"I told you, I just came out for a drink, not to hunt down a celebrity. Besides, we never get to hang out anymore.  Why is that?" you question, pushing your empty glass toward James in a not-so-subtle attempt to have him refill it. 

He takes the hint.  Grabbing the glass, he slightly laughs at this, "Come on, Y/N, we see each other. I mean, yeah, not as much anymore, what with me taking over this place and you working in the city more on your art. How is that going? Are you happy with your decision?" He asks, saying so much with those questions. He finishes up your drink and sets it down.

You were happy with your choice; it was for the best. Even if it meant you gave up half of the bar and steady income so you could pursue your passion. You're about to answer him when the sound of the front doors opens. Looking over, you can't believe your eyes when you see, fucking Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki walk through the doors. 

You snap your head back after staring at them both for what seems like forever. Fuck, they both look even better in person.

"No fucking way!" James almost screams out. You look up at him to see he is nearly hyperventilating.

"OK, James, you got to calm down." You counsel, slightly put off by him freaking out when he, on multiple occasions, would tease you for liking the show. Watching him flap his hands and pull out the bar rag to wipe the sweat from his forehead as his cheeks red. 

You had to call him on this. "Are you a fan?"

He looks over to you, sees the twinkling of mischief behind your eyes, and sighs, "OK, fine, yes." He quips back in defeat that his big secret is out.

"I watched the show, and so did you." He tries to defend himself.

"Yeah, and I was open about it. You were the one that made fun of me every time I talked about it. Bitch."

"Jerk." James quips back out of reflex, which gets you to point at him.

"Hey, can we get a pitcher of whatever the house draft is?" Deep and smooth, his voice hits you like a freight train, pulling James and you out of your impending tiff and back to reality. A reality where Jensen Ackles is standing ten feet away from you, on the other side of the bar, wanting to get a pitcher of beer. 

He is standing there in well-fitted light-wash jeans and a faded blue T-shirt. Sunglasses hang off the v-neckline and a baseball cap tuck in his back pocket. Your eyes lock with his, and the rumors are true—they are green like a fairy princess.

You look away and see Jared sitting with two other guys at a table. They are not actors from the show; they must be friends or bodyguards. 

"Umm…Yeah, man, coming right up. Just the one?" James stammers as he reaches the well to pull the pitcher. 

"Umm…better make it two, Jared's a big guy and all." Jensen jokes. Pulling his eyes from you to the bartender.

"Umm…you got a kitchen back there?" He questions, trying to keep the small talk up so he can stay here for a few more minutes. There is something about you; he can't place it, but it's like he's drawn to you. 

"Yeah, but our cook bailed on me tonight," James replies. Setting the pitchers on the bar. Scrabbling when he sees Jensen's slight disappointment in the lack of food.

"But I am sure Y/N wouldn't mind going back there and whipping up something." Turning his attention to you and giving you a shit-eating grin.

Your head snaps up to look over at James and Jensen. "What?" You question, wondering why he dragged you into this.

"Yeah, she's an excellent cook, chef really, she actually…"

"I am sure my cooking wouldn't match your sophisticated palate." Cutting off James before he can give Jensen your life story, giving him a stare down that conveys 'shut the fuck up.'

James has a habit of making your accomplishments sound grander than they were. He takes up the role of a proud parent, which you never ask him to do. 

Y/N, hmm, beautiful name. Letting the name roll around in his head. Jensen takes this opportunity with your eyes, shooting daggers at the bartender to let his eyes take you all in. She is in light-wash jeans, tall black boots, and a leather jacket over a vintage concert t-shirt that hugs her curves in all the right places. She's giving off a 'don't fuck with me vibe,' but he can tell it's just a front.  

"Darling, don't let celebrity status fool you. We're just a group of guys out for a few drinks and looking for good local food." Giving a smile to seal the deal.

His voice pulls her attention back to him, and he can see the front crumble away, her cheeks tinting pink.

"Jared there will eat just about anything you put before him." He says, thumbing back towards the guys. 

You look over his shoulder to see Jared and the two other guys watching your interaction. Jared gives you a half smile.

"Jensen, stop harassing the girl already. I can't take this guy anywhere." He jokes and turns his attention back to his buddies.  

Getting up from the barstool, you put some money on the bar, "I should be going, night James." Keep your voice low and as even as possible.

You can feel yourself becoming embarrassed by the seconds with all the attention on you. Unfortunately, you must walk past Jensen and his friends' table to get to the door. As you walk past the table, one of the anonymous guys pipes up.

"Seriously, I am starving. Why did we even come out this way? Dumb bitch, not like she doesn't know her way around a kitchen, just look at her." He spits out. 

You know you should keep walking; it's not like you haven't heard your fair share of fat jokes and comments about you before. Especially from drunk, pretty boys. Something about this time, though.  Maybe it's because it's in front of your celebrity crushes. After all, you have a few drinks in you as well. Whatever it is, you turn on your heels so you can face the douchebag.

"Oh, real original, ass. God, you must be the brains of the group." You spat back. Placing your hands on your hips to really show off your frame. 

He doesn't say anything at first. He is your typical frat boy, with short blonde hair and brown eyes staring back at you. You can see the wheels turning in his head. The other anonymous guy sitting next to him is a carbon copy of him, but he is looking across the booth to Jared for some kind of help.

"Dude, Evan, come on," Jared says, giving him a look of dismay that he just said those things. Turning his attention to you, "I am sorry…" He starts to apologize to him.

You hold up your hand to stop him. "It's fine, really." You reply, giving him a half smile. You're tired, and dragging this out any longer is not something you want to do tonight.

"Yeah, Jared, it's fine. A bitch like that, this is probably the most attention she has had from a guy in a long time." Evan jokes and playfully punches the guy next to him, wanting some backup on his 'stellar' dig at the local girl. 

Turning away from them, shocked that he is still talking, you just want to escape. Your eyes lock with Jensen, but his attention is on the table. He's fuming and looks like he is about to punch Evan. He starts the short walk towards the table.

"What the fuck…" he yells.

Stepping in his path, he stops just inches from you when you put your hand on his chest. The feel of your hand on him, you standing right before him, snaps him back.

"Well, we wouldn't want you boys to starve now, would we?" You say sweetly. Your voice is low and even. Knowing that you need to diffuse this situation before a bar brawl breaks out and somehow the gossip rags hear about it. 

The feel of his shirt under your fingers as you lightly tap his chest is soft. You would give anything to stay like this for a bit longer, taking in his smell of whiskey and leather. That's the one thing the fanfic girls and guys got right. Maybe they got other things right, too, your mind wonders.

You give Jensen a smile and turn to face the table. "Do you guys have any allergies I need to know about?" Your question, "Don't need to have anyone go into anaphylactic shock and have the media all up in my ass."

The two unknowns say nothing and seem interested in the countertop, then looking up at you. You don't blame them. Seeing the fury that Jensen was in, you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

Jared also looks pissed at them, glaring at them both before replying. "No, I think we're all good."

Giving a short nod, you turn back, seeing Jensen's eyes lock on you now. He has calmed down a bit, but he also looks slightly disappointed. You cock your head to the side.

"Hey, you OK?" You question, your voice low, only for him to hear.

He takes a second, giving you a nod. He clears his throat. "Yeah, umm…I am sorry…" he starts apologizing, but you stop him. 

"It's fine, Jensen. If you haven't noticed, I am a big girl in multiple ways." You wink at him and pat his chest before side-stepping him and heading back towards the kitchen.  

Back to the bar, you shuck off your jacket and toss it to James. "Good because, honestly, I don't care." You quip back to let them all know you could give a rat's ass what their dietary needs were.

This gets a laugh out of Jensen, pulling him back into a better head space. He can see more of her; the short-sleeved gray t-shirt contrasts sharply with her deep purple hair. Letting his eyes roam over her beautiful curves, god, he wishes he was the only one that came out tonight. She is feisty and can hold her own. Her voice is heaven, and he wants to listen to her talk all night.

"I'll have some food right out." Saying over your shoulder as you push open the kitchen doors. 

To Be Continued.....

[the-curious-butterfly]

Merry UnBirthday to You.

My Dearest Daughter,

I am sending you this letter for it has been too long since I saw you last. Yes, I know you'll groan out how it's only been two months, but time moves rather quickly for an old Queen. Literally, I had to run just to keep up with him, perhaps I should stop going to his castle and have him come to mine if it's really so important. He has been going on and on about something rather odd concerning cupcakes and paradoxes lately, but I digress. The matters of Time are not for the concerns of youth.

What is of concern however is your birthday coming up next week. Oh, I've just been so excited I already had the frog and fish butlers start planning it despite not knowing if you'll even be able to attend. I do hope you can and will, you can even bring that little friend with you, the one you fancy so much. Chloe Charming. You know, Ella really knew what she was doing when she raised that girl, lives up to her name in every way. Unlike Charming himself, no matter what Ella claims he was all face, personality speaking he was a mess. I was definitely the better choice.

Ahem, I probably shouldn't have said that. Wait, oh quill, please don't write that either. Drat, I really should get into the habit of writing my own letters instead of dictating them out to stationary. You know how feathers are, no mind for things that really should be omitted. As straightforward and as honest as an ostrich. Please do not show this letter to Chloe, I would hate for her to know what I think of her father. He really was good to Ella.

Anyway, I'd love to hear back from you soon, with confirmation that you and the young Charming will indeed be capable of attending. Oh, it's going to be so much fun, and don't worry. I'll have something special planned for the two of you. You can always count on your mum.

With warm regards,

Bridget of Hearts

The proudest mum in the world to have you as a daught-

Wait, no no no you don't have to write that last par

Long after they finished reading it Red and Chloe, whose head was on her shoulder, could only stare at the letter in Red's hands. It was certainly a letter to say the least. Though what had both of them glued to its contents were vastly different things. For Chloe, it was the confirmation of seeing that Bridget did indeed once have a crush on her mother (perhaps still did) and harbored a mini grudge on her father for being the one she chose instead. Couldn't blame the Queen of Hearts for that though, her mother was a catch and deserved only the best. Even if her younger self was a little difficult to be around sometimes.

For Red it was learning the fact that she has a birthday now. Something she never had before since her mother from her original timeline outlawed them long before she was born. Though the letter didn't specify the day apparently it's in October, and also she's getting a party.

A party just to celebrate her existence. Something other children in other places got but she could only ever dream to have.

...

"Wow, I didn't know your birthday was so soon."

"I didn't either." There wasn't really much else to say but the truth, though if Chloe understood the nuance she didn't bring attention to it. "Should we ask Principal Uma for permission to leave?"

Red nods then shakes her head, finally folding up the letter but still holding onto it. "I don't know."

Which is fair so Chloe gives an understanding hum in response. "We'll have to find some way to figure out what day it is first, so you can think about it in the meantime. Just so that you know it's whatever you decide, Red, no one is going to make you."

Red wants to say she knows but "She's already planning it, Chloe, how am I supposed to say no."

"Of course she is, she's excited and she's missing you. But, I also know that the Bridget I remember would never hold it against you if you decided you couldn't show. She loves you too much."

Red wants that sentiment to mean something she really does, but the Bridget she remembers also managed to turn into the one they left behind.

"I'll give it some thought."

"Great, oh and Red."

"Yes, Chloe?"

Chloe takes one of Red's hands and brings to back of it up to her lips. "Happy Birthday, my princess."

This did indeed manage to bring a hint of a smile back to Red's face, just as Chloe had hoped for.

"In Wonderland it's Happy UnBirthday if it's not the right day. I really do have to find out what the right day is, so that you can do this again on the correct one."

"I'll do it every day for the rest of our lives if that's what it takes."

Clocks, that was so cheesy how was Red not supposed to shove her away.

[subarashiihibi]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL WIFE IZAYA ORIHARA!!!!!!! 🥰😘👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨😭😎🔥🫶🩷

i can't quite put into words what exactly izaya has meant to me over the past 8 years. one, it sounds really corny and i go off into at least 30 different tangents about all the little things that make him so endearing to me, but also i just dont really know how to sound eloquent and stuff. that being said, a lot of the person i am today is (for better or for worse) thanks to izaya, so i think if i leave it at that you can at least get it a little bit. ^_^

i was really excited to set this year's display up. i changed the room i used this time, since i got a new desk, and it was...kind of a challenge at first, but after moving around a bunch of furniture and whatnot, i made it work...!

i had to forego putting up a few other things... namely the rest of my bromides and postcards, but also all my shikishi. i need to invest in some way to display them... i also had two(!!) dakimakura... i had to leave out this year. </3 and the cardboard cutout i made when i was 16. 😭

as usual, i have a lot of stuff to say about this entire thing and the stuff around it, so i... will leave my rambling under the cut. (^□^)

my god putting this thing together was hell. i said 'challenge' earlier no this shit was like a fucking war omfg. the clear files kept falling i was miserable and praying to god (im not even religious). and then i had to tape behind the big izaya balloon poster cause it's covering my doorway and it kept getting pulled back to the door...? and it looked stupid. 🤦‍♂️ i wasn't originally gonna put the tables in here either. i really wanted to be able to fit the bed sheets on the walls. but i couldn't... and i needed more room to put the pillows and stuff, so it ended up working out perfectly.

(the only reason i didn't want to use tables was cause i didn't want something covering up izaya's sexy exposed feet in the china poster... 😟)

i was (finally) gonna get a cake this year, but after having the stress of two exams back to back this week and exams next week, i...was too exhausted lol. hopefully next year i won't have an awful overnight job or school making me miserable. (as if i'm not still gonna be a student next year☠)

the amount of durarara merch that's come out the past few years has left me feeling so spoiled... i hope they do a mail order for the 20th anni merch... i want all the izaya stuff without the crazy markups from resellers online🤬

also plz don't judge my toploader deco skills too much... i am not very experienced... and i also don't have a lot of stickers to work with... 🥺

at any rate... at this exact time last year, i was suffering inside the confines of my local walmart... i was working overnight, and my break was at 12am, so as soon as it hit, i ran out to my car to excitedly celebrate the date changing to may 4th...!

and then during my lunch break, i drove to the whataburger next door and did another 10-pull on the izaya birthday kuji while in the drivethru.

i didn't realize this until i started taking stuff down in my room (this is my bedroom... i can't realistically keep two large tables in here and a poster covering my doorway. i had to crawl under the table just to get in and out. my knees still hurt.), but... i actually forgot something i wanted to include... my izaya lightstick... 💔💔💔 it's okay. i will live. i'm happy with my setup as a whole so i have no qualms with this. i just need to make sure i don't make the same mistake next year.

on a (slightly) unrelated note, yesterday (may 3) was the 19th birthday of my favorite album ever from my favorite band ever, fall out boy's from under the cork tree! i was so happy when i found out it's right before izaya's birthday cause fall out boy as a whole has so many izaya coded lyrics it's crazy. (btw, their debut album tttyg came out on the 6th as well...!)

and then tomorrow is cinco de mayo... it's not a coincidence... latina izaya truthers rise up...

anyways...! i'm finally learning how to draw properly. the reason i was always so miserable when i tried before was cause i never knew what i was doing. i didn't know where to start from. because...i didn't use references...so hopefully i can draw something cute for izaya's birthday next year. ^_^

that's all i have to say...! i woke up early this (yesterday) morning at 9am so i could be there at 10am when midnight hit in japan, and it's already 3am on the 4th, so i'm exhausted lol...

i was so excited seeing all the izaya bday fanart on twitter though. all the beautiful artists making beautiful art...

but i've spoken too much now. sorry. i'm going to spend the rest of my night listening to fall out boy before i eventually pass out. bye bye !!!! ^_^

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

❤️‍🩹 #10 with my sweet potato please and thank you?!?!?

for your sweet potato, but Kay and mine leprechaun Jamie of course girlie. 😂😂 I also want to preface this by saying this request was pre-approved by me when she texted me.

200 Followers Celebration

"Why don't you get it."

Sitting on the coach you tried to take some deep breaths to calm your anger that you felt at life right now. But life just wasn't being kind at the moment, you were beyond anger at your boyfriend. Jamie just didn't understand sometimes how the real world worked and you couldn't be mad at him, not when his job automatically made him so out of touch.

He expected you to just drop everything for the entire holiday season and go travel with him to his home state, and go explore new places. But you had responsibilities here. Although you were off for from grad school during the holiday season for three weeks, you still had a full-time job and you were in the middle of trying to get a promotion. Also having your own family you were trying to see at some point during the holiday purely so you didn't have to hear your mothers disapproval over the phone on missing yet another 'family holiday.'

"no Jamie." your voice stern, as strong and stern as you could make it.

"Why? why don't you wanna come home with me?" he demanded.

"Jamie. my sweet boy, I can't" not sure if you were asking yourself or him.

"After this I'm moving across the country. You are already refusing to come."

"Refusing!" cutting him off. "Jamie. that's not fair." Trying to keep your emotions at bay, but you can hear your voice cracking slowly.

"Why? give me one reason you won't let us have one more holiday together before you say goodbye to us forever." The anger slowly leaving his lips with each word, all that is left is the distraught on his face, the hurt, and the hurt you feel in the moment you didn't think could get worse. Until his final blow hit "why don't you wanna fight for us y/n/n." he whispers.

"thats not fair and you know that." The tears falling freely from your face, barely able to get your question out "Why don't you get it?"

He tries to reach for when he notices the tears falling, wanting nothing more than to reach out and wipe them away. Wanting nothing more than to reach out and comfort you. But when he tries you take a step back, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"then help me understand." he begs his own eyes filling with tears.

"I -" clearing your own throat trying to get your voice to be able to speak again without sounding like you were underwater. "I have worked so hard to be where I am. And you have too. But I can't walk away, not when I'm so close. We both knew when we met that we came from different worlds. I thought we could make this work, but I think I was wrong."

"no"

"Jamie I can't do this. you said it yourself we aren't built for long distance."

"no.. no no no." he begs as he closes to distance between you both trying desperately to grasp onto anything you will give him.

"I think I'm gonna leave. Merry Christmas J. Good luck in Pittsburgh." With your final goodbye you step around Jamie even though he's trying to grab you, not to hurt you, but to try to hold on to you, to get you to change your mind. Slipping on your shoes and grabbing your bag in the foyer you leave his apartment for the last time ever.

[btsmosphere]

Supercharged | JJK (Teaser)

Get hyped!!!!!! Posting date chapter 1: 14th April

Chapter 1 is now here!

🗲summary:

It starts with a blow to the chest that changes your life. When your city’s most celebrated hero pays a visit, it turns out the noble Bolt has no trouble tossing lives aside. Lives that won't be missed. Lives like yours. Seven mysterious and powerful men give you another chance – one that starts to feel more like a curse the moment you meet golden boy Jungkook. The boy who wants you as far from his brothers as he can get you. Is it you he hates, or the blue lightning that now runs through your veins? And could it be his golden light that illuminates your heart when darkness threatens?

🗲pairing: jungkook x f!reader 🗲teaser word count: 365 🗲full fic wc: you do nOt want to know (79k...) 🗲genre: angst, action, eventual fluff, slow burn, enemies to lovers, superheroes/villains au, found family (imagine a mafia au with superpowers) 🗲rating: pg15 🗲warnings: in the teaser: none, just some tension. general fic warnings: violence with superpowers, weapons, swearing, arguing, injury, past trauma, mentions of death

>Updates every week!!

Supercharged Masterlist

a/n: guys. it's TIIIIIME!!! how many years have you heard me talk about how I was working on a superpowered jungkook story?? I started this thing four years ago so I can't believe the moment's finally come! it's been a long ride, and most of those four years was spent not writing this, but I just couldn't stay away either! I really wanted to tell this story, and now here it is and I am so happy to be able to share it💜 Let me know in a reblog, comment or ask if you want to join my taglist for this series! Over the next week before chapter 1 is released, check back as I introduce our characters👀I'm so excited for you to meet them!

As a smile was just blooming on your face, it was halted by Namjoon's next words.

“But. You aren’t ready just yet. I want you out there with us, so I’m willing to send you out sooner than I have with others before. These are unusual times, and you have to understand this will be more dangerous than I normally send rookies to. There’s work to do, with your powers, but also…

“As much as I appreciate your trust in us, I know it doesn’t extend fully. I need my team to be able to trust each other. Every single one.”

Fixing you with a hard stare to accompany his last words, he was effective in making you shrink in your seat. You knew exactly who he was talking about.

And that person was waiting for you right outside.

On leaving the office, you found Jungkook leaning up against the wall. Jin and Namjoon had hung back, leaving you alone as you emerged, and you instantly rolled your eyes. Determined not to be deterred, you kept walking down the corridor, trying to fix your eyes ahead – firmly away from the infuriating man that watched your approach.

“Scared yet?” his smirk bled through his words. You were almost upon him at this point, and he pushed away from the wall, blocking the way with his black-clad body.

Eyes flicking up to him, unimpressed, you tapped your foot.

“Why would I be scared?”

One corner of his mouth curved up, looking you in the eye as he leaned a little closer.

“We aren’t heroes, honey.”

“Thanks for spelling that out, Jungkook,” you drawled, making to step past him.

His laughter followed you while you started walking away.

“Need help packing?” he called.

“Hey, Jungkook,” Jin’s stern voice joined him, “no need. She’s not going anywhere.”

Jungkook’s silence spoke volumes.

Glancing back as you reached the end of the corridor, you were met with the livid expression that seemed so familiar. Jungkook’s eyes bulged with shock. You were sure that Jin’s hand on his shoulder was all that was holding him back.

Making the most of his eyes on you, you flashed a serene smile and walked away.

Thank you for reading!! Part 1 is coming on April 14th, and I will update every week (that's a promise, since it's already written in full!)💜

Contact me to get yourself on the tag list!

Taglist: @aianloveseven @preciouschimine @written-in-flowers @taegularities

[garricks4thwingqueen]

The Day of Dread: Xaden Riorson X reader

Prompt: “Do you want to take it off, or should I do it for you? Credit for prompt goes to @a-cure-for-writers-block

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, not stated but intended feelings of anxiety. 

                                       The Day of Dread. 

                   Xaden X reader whom is Liam Mairi’s older sister  smut 

This fic is a part of the #FourthWingBirthdayBash!  

Synopsis: Your Liam Mairi’s older sister; exactly the same age as Xaden and Garrick. This made you the oldest female of what were now known as the rebellion children. With the work your father and Xaden’s and Garrick;s father did together you basically grew up together in Riorson House. This caused you to have a close relationship with the two boys; one more so than the other. This fic is set place on Reunification Day on the third year for reader and the two oldest rebellion boys. Being the oldest children of the rebellion, reader and Xaden know some Tyrrish. I used Gaelic to represent Tyrrish:

My love: Mo ghràdh Your love: do gaol

Mine: Mianach 

Yours: Mise

Forever: Go Deo 

Always: I Gconai

Other words to know Ilmari: (Readers dragon) means air in Scandinavian. 

Trigger warnings: Swearin, NSFW, a little angsty but mostly fluff!

Word count: 2390 

Reunification Day: Also known as the day that commemorates the day upon which the separatists were defeated and the rebellion overcome.

You groaned, waking up to the bright light shining through your and your fiance's room. Another groan left your mouth as you noticed your bed was cold and looked at the clock that read 7:00 a.m.. “Fuck.” you cursed as you noticed the dress that rested on the chair across the room. There was only a few days that you’d be caught dead in a dress reunifuckincation day was one of them that was against your will. For two years since you started at Basgiath with Xaden and Garrick; you’ve represented your group on your boyfriend's behalf. You wished none of the rebellion children had to represent the group on the day that each 107 children lost their parents. You’ve been going for Xaden and Garrick each year because those two would never be caught dead at that celebration. Thank the gods this was your last year before getting your assignments at the end of the year.

You smiled as you noticed there was a box and a note from Xaden on the table. 

I’m sorry Mo ghràdh that I couldn't be here this morning, especially today. Gare and I had to make an unexpected supply run. Don’t start with me Mo ghràdh you have enough to deal with tonight we didn’t think we needed to bother you for an extra run this a.m. I thought this necklace I was able to find on our last run would go perfectly with your dark blue dress tonight. If I don’t see you before I’ll see you after for our favorite activities of the evening. I know this year has been tough but we are almost done, Mo ghràdh. I can't express in words how thankful I am to call you Mianach; I love you just one more time for this day. You have this, we have each other. 

I’ll see you later tonight .

 do gaol

-X. 

You're insufferable right now. Your dragon Ilmari scoffed in your mind. You're not to pleasant yourself  either this morning, you chided grabbing the box of our night stand.You pulled the blue ribbon of the box and opened it to reveal a note and a small velvet blue bag.  

Brennan finally found this before our last supply run. He said he spotted the silver one morning on the sand near the river. I thought it would go perfect with your dress. I can't wait to take off of you.

-X  

Pulling the drawstring bag out of the box your heart fluttered feeling the light to heavy weight and the all too familiar shape even before you took the necklace out of the bag you knew what it was. It was your family crest necklace, the Mairi family crest. It was a Tyrrish tradition to give each newborn a necklace of their family crest. You had thought you had lost yours forever during the rebellion when you had tried to help save your younger sister from being separated from you and Liam even though both were a sad defeat. You were a wreck that night once you realized the necklace did indeed fall off your neck. It took everything in Xaden to get you to calm down over the necklace and everything else that had happened that day. Being the eldest Mairi child you had the original necklace that had been passed down from your favorite Grandmother. You manipulated the air slightly to help you open the bag and grabbed the all too familiar silver chain and cried at the touch. It’s exactly how I remembered it when your Grandmother wore it when she was my rider. You would make her proud. Ilmari chimed through your bond which you could have sworn was the nicest thing that she had ever said to you. You do have a sweet side.  

You chidded back to your green daggertail.

           The day had passed and you hadn’t run into Xaden or Garrick. You knew the supply run had run late. You endured your morning run with Imogen and Violet. Imogen was like a sister to you but Violet you couldn’t stand. When Sgaeyl’s mate bonded with Violet during this year's Threshing you were furious. On top of everything else you had to deal with this year you wished that she wasn’t one of them. You sighed, putting on your dress and tightening the last string on your corset in the front. Because of the mated bond you now had to keep your sworn enemy alive just so your fiance didn’t die due to her weaknesses. You hated the fact that you were actually starting to like her. He tried to bond with you because you were Xaden’s mate. I warned him not to touch you because you were my rider's descendent.  

   You just simply sighed making any final adjustments to your dress to smooth it out and touched your necklace and smiled as there was a soft knock on the door. “Hey Li.” You smiled softly joining your brother. “You look amazing. Is that?” “Yeah it finally turned up.” Is all you could say with Violet on the other side of Liam. “Let’s just get tonight over with.” You sighed as you always dreaded this evening but thank the gods it was finally your last year at Basgiath before you became Lieutenant Mairi. “Xaden and Garrick are?” Violet asked as Imogen joined the three of you at the courtyard. “In their right minds and not here.” you responded a little too sharply.  You knew where Xaden was and it pained your heart each year that you had to be the one to represent the group when he was you didn’t want to use the word sulking on the parapet but that was the best your mind could come up with; Garrick and Bodhi acting as his bodyguards. 

     You jumped and made a rush of air go past the group as you felt a soft brush on your hand. “Relax Mo ghràdh.” Xaden said quietly, turning you around to face him. You looked up smiling into his onyx eyes not expecting him or the other two to be down here in the slightest. “You look beautiful Mo ghràdh.” He whispered quietly to you. “What are you?” You started to ask your fiance softly as he brushed a stray piece of hair out of your eyes. “It’s our last year and you’ve endured so much this year my girl.” He soothed as his shadows were running soft touches down your arm as he held your hands tightly. “With Tairn bonding to Violet, with me making you and Imogen train Violet, so I have a chance at staying alive, to all the stuff with you know (and you did he couldn't say the words rebellion or supply runs with everyone else around), to you getting hurt; it just seemed like we could never catch a break this year.” You held your tears back as you crashed your lips into Xaden’s which he chuckled  against yours and happily returned. You let your mind wander during your kiss as the fireworks went off in the distance. Everything Xaden had said was the epiphany of your worst year at Basgiath. Which was why on winter solstice this year and also your birthday; Xaden gave you the best gift ever which was asking you to marry him. “Xad.” You said softly as your lips parted but not fully. “You don’t have to be down here.” You said softly wrapping your arms around his waist as he chuckled softly. “I’m only down here for one reason and that's to relieve you of your duties early this year.” He smirked his shadows lightly touching your ankles. “Then tell me what are you think of my Xad.” You said through a cheeky grin as he held out his hand for you to take. “I’m thinking our bed is very empty at this moment. Walk with me my queen.”  You smiled and took your fiance's hand as you both walked in the silence of each other's company towards your shared dorm on the third floor. 

    You finally broke the silence once you were on the third floor; “You know there was one thing about this year that wasn’t so bad.” You tried to smirk through your tears as his shadows now out of habit wiped your tears away whenever you cried. “And what's that?” “My birthday, that was the most romantic thing you’ve done since the first year we were fostered together.” Xaden chuckled. “It was the only fitting gift this year for you, Mo ghràdh.” He soothed “Mianach.” You whispered softly into his chest. “Mise, Geo Deo.” Xaden returned in the same tone. “I Gconai.” You mumbled softly into his chest. 

Once you both entered your room and locked the door; Xaden smirked “You know there's only one question I have left for this evening. “Hmmm.” You mumbled into his chest. “Do you want to take it off, or should I do it for you?” You giggled as his hands started to wonder up and down your dress. “You're the one that's skilled with taking off corsets.” You smirked and nibbled his ear. “Oh y/n.” You know what that does to me he purred as he worked his way down the laces on your chest. You whimpered at the feel of Xaden’s calloused hands against your almost bare chest.  Xaden nipped at the last bit of lace with his teeth and the dress came undone easily in a pool of navy blue at your feet. He unclipped your bra while sucking on your neck; as his shadows danced around your skin playfully.

 Ever since Xaden had managed to control his shadow signet, his shadows had become second nature in your bedroom activities. Sometimes they'd even be a little naughty and go places in class where Xaden couldn't physically touch at the time. “Xad.” You whimpered as he began his work sucking away on your breasts and lifting you up around his waist only to throw you on the black sheets on your shared bed. You smirked sitting up Xaden was usually the dominant one but you had your moments. “Lay down Xaddy.” You purred and poked his chest which earned a grave chuckle from his lips. “I love this side of you.” Xaden purred as your lips worked magic on one of his nipples and your hand started stroking his tip and working it's way up and down his perfect cock. Xaden started to suck on your neck, his shadows making aclit. “You've gotten me hard my queen and you're so wet for me.” “Only for you my king.” You whispered through raspy breaths as your breathing became heavier. 

   Xaden finished with a moan as you pinched his tip when he flipped both of you over with ease. You moaned out “Xaddy.” As he aggressively took one of your pert nipples in his mouth, your hands clenched the black sheets for purchase as that mouth continued It's way down your body and joined his shadows by slipping his tongue inside of you. “God's fuck Xaddy.” You moaned at his tongue slipping in and out of you, his teeth giving a small nibble on your clit every now and again. “Say it again my love.” He said through a rasped voice peppering kisses up your stomach as you whimpered at the loss of his touch where you needed it most. “Xad N-need you.” You managed to pant out  somewhat coherently. “Sshh Mo ghràdh. I have you.” He whispered as his lips aggressively found yours once more as his tip graced your entrance; his shadows still dancing inside of you. “Mine and so beautiful. Always so beautiful.” He breathed and started to trace your rebellion relic with his tongue. You whimpered and arched your hips while wrapping your legs around him once more. “You know.” He breathed and tilted your chin up so you were looking into his sexy onyx eyes. “Mmmm.” You moaned as his tip slid into you. “I may be bonded to Violet due to mated dragons but God's, y/n your the only one that could ever have me like this. You're the only one I promise Mo ghràdh.” “Please don't say her name right now.” You whimpered as Xaden chuckled and sucked your neck softly but also just enough to mark it. Violet was definitely not someone you wanted to be thinking about right now. “So wet so beautiful my baby girl.” Xaden rasped. “F-fuck Xad. I'm.” You moaned as he thrusts in and out of you with his cock and shadows at the perfect pace. “Your what Y/N?” He groaned as you knew both of you were about to completely lose all train of any common sense. “Xads.” You whimpered as you became a squirming mess around his cock. Xaden started to kiss you passionately once more as he came undone inside of you after two more thrusts. Xaden didn't pull out of you as he pulled you into his sweaty chest as you placed a soft kiss on his forehead and whispered “Mianach, Geo Deo.” As you rested your heads together; “Mianach, I Gconai.” Xad whispered in a matching tone and traced the lines of your necklace. “Thank you baby.” You whispered, squeezing his hand that was over the necklace. “No need to thank me my queen I'm just glad you have it back my love.” “Xad?” You whispered. “Hmm my girl.” “promise to never let me go ever.” You whispered nuzzling into your fiance's chest. “Never. I never plan to lose you ever my love. We've been through so much and it's only made us stronger; especially this year. I love you always.” “I love you to, forever and always.” You yawned and Xad chuckled “I suppose it is late. Curl up against me and rest y/n. I have you, good night, my love.” He said soothingly, wrapping his arms around you tighter. You couldn't even muster a good night as Xaden smiled and realized you had already drifted off. Neither of you knew what you were going to endure next but you knew it didn't matter because you would always have the safety of each other. 

Authors note: This is my first really big smut piece I put out. Any feed back is welcomed! I want to thank @angstywaifu for giving me some feedback before posting!

[heylabodega]

The year I was 33 I sometimes got so elated that I'd walk around grinning, and I sometimes got so hopeless about the world that I couldn't sleep and then couldn't get up in the morning. I asked existential questions about my choices, my responsibilities, my abilities. I was strong and self sufficient but sometimes terribly lonely. Sometimes I felt so gloriously connected to my network of friends and fond acquaintances, and other times I felt fundamentally alone and unmoored.

The year I was 33 I started living alone for the first time, and almost couldn't bear how happy it made me. I bought seltzers and ice cream and tea and wine and beer and non alcoholic beer and I don't even like beer but if someone came over I wanted to be able to offer them a full range of cold and hot beverages. I bought a quilt on sale at Anthropologie and a vacuum that I immediately anthropomorphized and became fond of. I dutifully washed my cast iron pan and oiled it after each use and took out my trash and used the food in my fridge before it went bad.

I continued to be gobsmacked by the transferability of love, by how much I could love the not-yet-born children of my friends, but I also grew to appreciate loving their children separately from them, their own people. I hung out with Remy and missed Arlo and was enchanted by the brand new uniqueness of their personalities.

I painted so many large canvases and couldn't figure out what to do with them. Where to hang them, who to offer them to. I enjoyed the painting of them and the looking at them.

I often thought I was becoming beautiful again, but I think I didn't like a single outfit that I wore or photo taken of me.

The year I was 33, I realized that taking good care of myself is good friendship. I am here and unbitter when my friends need me, and they haven't had to worry about me for many a year. I continued to try to untangle the lessons about love and obligation and neglect that I learned from my family. I loved my family very much in our own way that's different from a lot of other families. I tried to make other people feel relaxed and appreciated in my presence.

The year I was 33 I kept getting better at my job. I kept saying things that were smart, I kept asking the right questions, I kept becoming a better writer and editor. I talked to my coworkers at WeWorks and on Zooms and at happy hours and on walks and I loved those conversations. I talked about camaraderie with my boss's boss and felt we understood each other. I got promoted and almost immediately began scheming to ask for another. I think I deserve it.

The year I was 33, we won trivia so many times, and we all kind of casually and kind of seriously acknowledged the shared intensity of our personalities and the pleasure of getting to let that out together over a table in the village, ordering appetizers and buckets of Pacifico and debating over the list round.

The year I was 33 I! had! sex! again! finally! I can still allow my body to be touched, can still muster enough energy to foster intimacy with another person.

I ate cake and drank martinis and thought, I know these things are bad for me but I'm having so much fun how could they possibly be, really? Surely this is the point. 

The year I was 33, I still couldn't shake my ambivalence about my talking. Sometimes I think it is my superpower, and sometimes I think it will be my undoing, how much I talk, how readily I fill the silence, how desperate I am to connect through disclosure. I kept trying to remember to ask more questions and I kept forgetting. I couldn't decide if other people should just speak up.

I started a marathon and didn't finish it. I started a 10k and didn't finish it. I celebrated my ability to quit when I'm not having a good time, but questioned my ability to persevere. I ran a lot and tried to eat and drink what I needed to support that, and mostly failed. I can count the number of outstanding runs I had on one hand, but they reminded me I still contain possibility. I took an iron supplement.

I drove places with my friends, called my friends' husbands 'dad' for driving us so safely and taking such good care of us. Lauren and Will and Braden and John and I dawdled all along the Acela corridor, stopping to pee, stopping to eat, driving the speed limit. I ordered a Dirty Shirley at a Red Robin off the New Jersey turnpike from the world's friendliest waiter and a life-renewing Shake Shack burger at 8:30am at a rest stop outside the city.

I went to Portland and Los Angeles and Delaware and DC, but nowhere out of the country. I moved twice. I got the hair on my bikini line removed by a laser and told everyone about how great and easy it was. I went to a gala. I wrote almost no poems but I helped write someone else's book. I took Remy to his swim lesson! I didn't, knock wood, get sick even once which I attribute to my naps, my preventative Umcka, and working from home. And of course my tremendous luck.

The year I was 33 my luck held. How long can this good luck hold?