#but i already produced too many words today lol

[ramonathinks]

matters of the heart — Nanami K.

summary: finding out your ex-boyfriend wrote a novel detailing your relationship isn’t how you expected this week to go and to make matters worse everyone on the internet now thinks your “character” is a total bitch. you decide to pay your ex a visit, but can you do that without succumbing to your natural urges? well, no!

tags: 18+(MDNI/blank blogs) slight porn with plot, oral (f! receiving), brief nipple sucking, daddy kink, creampie, i guess nanami is a bit toxic in this lol, nanami might also be a bit ooc in here

to the moaners: has this been sitting in the draft for about 3-4 months? yes! but happy birthday month, kento 😚. artwork by @/_3aem (twt); @ryomens-vixen (this was the fic I mentioned a while back) word count: 5.6k (yuck), I don't really like this

I’m going to kill him, that was the only thing on your mind once you closed out of the novel. Normally, your weekends were spent relaxing with a fruity bubble-gum colored cocktail but today was different. Shoko called your phone at exactly 9:26 am claiming it was time she divulged some news to you. At exactly 9: 28am, she sent you an online copy of a book titled, “Matters of the Heart” and told you it was nothing but a two or three hour read and then to call once you finished. 

The book had a slow start and it seemed pretty average, just any old love story. Lately, anything was getting published and it seemed that was the case here — wait, you paused your reading and sat up straight. No. Just no. Something just clicked for you which led you to completely start over from page one. 

The moment you finished, at exactly 1:01 pm, you grabbed a salmon colored low cut shirt and light washed jeans, slipped on your white shoes and hurried to get into your car. You didn’t need to call her phone because you were going to talk to her face to face; this situation warranted a real conversation. It was nothing but a 17 minute drive to Shoko’s house, so when you arrived at exactly 1:18 pm, her door was already open. “They’re bashing me, Shoko. Fucking bashing! How could he do this to me?” Were the first words that flew out of your mouth, holding your phone close to her face so that she could see the reviews. 

“Well, it’s not like anyone would know it’s you.” She yawned, handing you a cup of water – probably because of how crazy you looked – before she ushered you to a seat on the couch. A golden brown blanket was lazily thrown on the seat, which she hurried to move. You sat down and faced her with a look of what Shoko could only describe as pure sadness. She had seen you like this many times before, all because of one person. 

“You did.” You sniffled with an eye roll, you couldn’t help but feel uncertain. Reading this book only brought back more uncomfortable feelings towards the breakup and him. You thought that you were over him and the memories that the book produced made you question everything. One question remained which is: Why?

She giggled drily. “Hey, I read all his works. Pseudonym or not. He can’t hide from me. Plus, I know you both and everything that went on. I was there too, remember?” She mumbled the last part. “Maybe this was his way of coping?”

“It’s been years… and I heard he’s announced a sequel. Shoko, a SEQUEL! It’ll be released later this year.” You spoke in a shaking watery voice while she rubbed your back in an attempt of comfort. Your mind could only think of what the reactions would be to your character in the sequel… insecurities that you never knew were there flooded your mind.

“There was enough material for a sequel? I thought he covered everything…” Shoko rubbed her chin and looked deep in thought. You just stared at her, she couldn’t be serious. “Sorry, ignore me.” She shook her head ignoring your stare.

“Do I even confront him over this? A-and how would that make me look, like I still check on him right? I’ll look crazy and bitter… which apparently I am. Oh and I’m bitchy and a ‘total cunt’ as they’re putting online.” He didn’t know just how much you changed, he missed your growth. Rubbing your eyes, you ask:“Why did you tell me about this? What made you take so long… I just don’t understand.”

“Well, at first… I didn’t think you’d care.” Moving a strand of her nut-brown hair out of her face, she continued. “Then about a month ago, I decided it was right to tell you, just in case someone else pieced it together.”

“Gojo read it then, huh?” You mentally cringed at the thought. It was the only person you could think of who’d be so crude about it. He knew how damaging the breakup was for you but not as bad as Shoko knows. Now, you’re just grateful that she told you before he did.

“Yep, so I figured that I had to tell you before he did.” She clicked her tongue. “But let’s just calm down before you make any rash decisions on how to handle this.” 

“He wrote a fucking duality series about me, our relationship, our sex life and you want me to calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is a serious matter. I am being called a bitch, a slut and more on Goodreads and multiple websites, reviews, etc. and he didn’t even have the audacity to give me a heads up. You had to call me.” You let out an unladylike snort.“Why couldn’t he stick to his mystery novels? Wasn’t he doing good at those?”

“Writer's block.” Shoko said in a singsong-like voice. “He hadn’t written a mystery book since you two broke up and then… he alerted his supporters he wanted to switch things up and then… that was that. Ladies loved it, a big hit. By the way, if you two were really fucking like that I need to se—”

“Shoko, now is not the time!” Your face felt hot all over, your mind racing. “I just can’t believe this.” You wrapped your arms around your body and squeezed, giving yourself one big squeeze. It was hard not to cry but you could feel it all in your throat. 

“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think his intentions were to make you feel bad.” She hugged you to her chest, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. “I think he still loves you. I mean, isn’t this book proof? After all these years, he wrote about you.” 

“I’m sure he moved on by now.” You whispered, your eyes growing tired already and the day had barely started. “I just need to lay down. I need to rest.” Your mind seemed to finally grow calm and your breathing steady, a small hiccup now in your throat but with a gulp of water, you were better.

“Just stay here. I don’t trust you to be alone right now.” Shoko’s voice drowned out as sleep overtook you, you could only feel her warmth as she held you and honestly it was all you needed at this moment, Shoko always made you feel safe and you couldn’t thank her more than enough for that right now as you slept.

You were a light sleeper, it was always something that Nanami pointed out about you. He always said how he felt like he couldn’t leave the room while you slept even if it was to use the bathroom afraid to wake you. He knew how important sleep was to you and he’d risk having a bladder infection if you got all 8 hours that you required. Nanami was sweet and caring like that. 

You didn’t think you’d break up with him ever. He was the one for you and he always made that clear. He pampered you and even after the breakup – though you didn’t need it – he left you with a check for five thousand dollars, saying it was for his half of the lease for the next few months. 

The breakup was brutal for you. You almost quit working entirely. Shoko was the only person you’d confined into and the only friend you left to check in on you especially when you didn’t want to leave the house. She brought you groceries and helped you shower until you finally were able to get up again.

Though it was hard to believe, it was Nanami who broke up with you. You thought it was a joke, a cliche little joke. 

“Baby, I’m not joking.” His voice was quiet and husky, he spoke as if he was going to cry. “I just need some time to myself. I need to figure out if this is what I want. You don’t have to wait for me, you just keep on living your life and being happy. But… I think it’s time we let this go.” 

You didn’t cry in front of him. You didn’t cry when he packed his things up. You certainly didn’t cry when he shut the door, leaving his key on the table because you knew he was joking. He had to be. But when you called him and his number was disconnected and you were blocked on any form of social media… that was when you broke down and cried. 

It happened out of nowhere. You overanalyzed every aspect of your relationship for where you went wrong. You wrote down every conversation you could remember and dissected it word by word. You watched every video and picture you had of the two of you looking for a bit of regret or anything on his face. You read every text message, looking for malice. He said he needed time to figure out if he wanted this but he always made it clear that he did and even that he was looking forward to having kids together, you two had even gone ring shopping months ago. 

You didn’t sleep and when you did, it was only for 4 hours and sometimes barely that. Your heart had an ache in it and the tears wouldn’t stop. You could only think why wasn’t I enough?

When you opened your eyes Shoko was still holding you and a small smile grew on your lips. “Thank you Shoko.” You knew if you could count on anyone, it was always going to be her. She was the one who pieced you back together and made sure that life didn’t destroy you and you couldn’t help but to be grateful. 

“Of course. ‘M going to let you spend the night here, okay? Let’s get some takeout and watch your favorite movies, how’s that sound?” She knew the way to your aching heart like the back of her hand. 

“It sounds amazing!” You stretched your arms out wide, leaning off of her and sitting up. “Should we start with Uptown Girls or Legally Blonde?” 

It took two days before you confronted him. Shoko was adamant about not giving you his address and you were tempted to get it from her phone. But luckily, you wore her down, she was probably tired of you bringing him or his book in every conversation. So now you stood there, nerves washing over you in waves.

The mahogany colored door stared at you – mocked you – and you returned the glare before you knocked on it, hard. This was just a door and you were angry at the person behind said door, not the door itself. 

It was almost like he was waiting on you because the door unlocked and opened. He even stepped aside to let you in, quiet. His straw-colored hair was parted differently and he even looked taller or broader – you couldn’t completely tell – but he looked different… seemed different. The atmosphere around him made your stomach clench and it made you mad; why did it feel like only you suffered from the breakup? Here he was – strong and tall – and you were nothing or rather the same.

“You wrote a romance erotica novel about our relationship?” It was what you practiced saying before you got out of your car – making sure your voice didn’t tremble – this time, it didn’t. 

“Well, hello to you too. Even after three and a half years, you still like to get straight to the point.” He grinned, putting a hand on your back to guide you to a seat on his couch. “I must ask, what makes you think it’s about you?” He does a slight laugh and raises his brow.

“We have the same initials, almost the same name. Are you kidding me?” You retort, folding your arms across your chest. You tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in your chest that occurred when you heard his voice after so long, hearing him and seeing that damned smile… your nose scrunched up.

“Sorry, I just didn’t know you kept up with me… with my books…” He muttered, glancing your way, a demure look in his amber eyes. “Should I be flattered?” Almost in an instant, he turned on a slight cockiness to himself, though his body language showed his nervousness – his thigh bouncing a bit and his fingers tapping on the couch handle. A light sense of relief filled your system knowing that you weren’t the only one being affected by this.

“I don’t.” You inhaled deeply. “Shoko told me about it and then, I checked it out.” Fiddling with your fingers and even picking at your nails, that was your tell all sign of nervousness and right now you were engaging in it more than ever before. 

“I wanted to tell you or rather, to ask you. I know you got the voicemails I sent last year…and then you kept dodging my calls.” He tells you, you could feel his eyes on you – or more so your fingers… the nasty habit that he had finally got you to stop all those years ago rushing right back in an instant.

“Writing a book to trash me and our relationship… to make you look like some sort of… ugh, like you’re so amazing and I’m just shit. Yeah, that certainly got my attention.” If you were coming off bitchy or rude right there, you couldn’t care less especially when there were worse things that you could’ve said or even could’ve done at this moment. You really wanted to slap him. 

“Is that all you got out of it?” He asks with his head low, almost as if he was admitting defeat or as if he couldn’t believe you came up with something so trivial. 

“Was there anything else to get?” You counter, shifting your body towards him. Maybe it was best that you sat down and actually listened to the author and his interpretations of his work.

“How about that I love you regardless of any flaws… how about I find your stubbornness and attitude sexy and how I knew this breakup would be good for you. I was holding you back. I mean, I heard you got promoted 3 times since we broke up… I just felt like I was changing you, hindering your growth. I needed to reflect on myself and this book helped that.” He tapped his fingers against his thigh, yet another sign of his anxiousness. “Believe it or not, I still care about you. No matter what happened between us.”

“What happened? You mean when you decided to just leave? You could've told me everything you just told me and I would’ve understood better. We could’ve talked and came to a compromise. You don’t understand what you put me through after it.” You were close to tears but you straighten your posture and sniffled, it was best not to think about what happened before. “I just needed a bit of closure too, I guess that’s why I came. I just was caught off guard. You could’ve knocked on my door or something, forced me to answer… forced me to talk.”

He met your eye for the first time since you came over. “You wouldn’t have listened,” He huffs. “Didn’t I mention how stubborn you are? Plus, I meant what I said. I needed time to myself and I think we both did.”

“I guess…But Nanami, this book was too much. A letter would’ve been fine if you needed closure, don’t you think?” You see his lips quirk up a bit before he licks them, trying not to laugh it seems.

“My publisher got a hold of some of the documents where I was just going over things, writing here and there. She loved the idea… plus I’m in a contract for six books so I had to put something out soon, it had already been a year.” He told you, sitting his chin on top of his knuckles. “I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I was writing for fun… reminiscing about us and then later down the line, I realized I was writing because I wanted you to read it, I just didn’t exactly know how to get you to since you were very adamant on avoiding me, which is understandable. But regardless, I didn’t think it’d get on the bestseller list or for the reviews to get so harsh.” He admits, reaching for your hand before his hand froze in midair and he stopped himself, choosing instead to put it behind his head.

“Is there anyway you can stop the sequel from being published then… since you got my attention after all this time?” You asked, putting your most dazzling smile on, hoping to sway him. 

“I can talk to my publisher. Everything’s in print and materials are already done… but I’ll try to see if I can stop production.” His adam’s apple bobbles when he does a harsh swallow. “Are we… okay? Do you forgive me?”

The question made you pause. He always made it hard for you to not forgive him; it took one look or a smile and a small explanation and it made it easy to fall in love with him all over again, no matter what he did… it seems. But it made you ask yourself: Were you too easy? Did you really forgive him? It was thoughts like that swirling around the corners of your mind. You wanted to forgive him, he was just writing and telling a story… but it was your story, not just his. Using this for your attention when he could’ve written about anything else, he didn’t have to. Were you just ready to forgive him because you still loved him? 

You hadn’t realized how deep in thought you were until you felt the couch dip and even then, your mind was still spirling.“You don’t have to…” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, his body so close to yours that it was getting hard to breathe. He still smelled the same; citrus and woodsy and it was easy to get yourself sucked back in. 

“So you can write another book about my stubbornness?” You give a quiet giggle, scooting a bit away from him, seeing him frown from the corner of your eyes. You didn’t want to fall back but he made it all so simple. It was easy and you were already falling back on him and you didn’t need that… Did you?

“Baby…” Your body buzzed and hummed, turning to him with wide eyes. “I’ll do anything I can to make this right. Anything for you to forgive me… If they can’t stop publication, what can I do to make us right?” He was doing more than a gaze, he was full on staring and from how close he was it was hard to avoid. 

“Nanami I–” You stopped yourself. You couldn’t really think of anything he could do but you could think of several unhealthy things you could do to ruin your progress on going over him. He had betrayed you and made you a laughing stock so why are you stuck thinking about forgiveness when you should be leaving.

“I never stopped loving you.” His fingers traced up and down your pants but his eyes stayed on yours. “I never thought about anyone but you… I never slept with anyone… it’s always been you. But, I understand what I put you through and I’ll apologize every second until you forgive me…” The blond man who you never saw shed a tear looked more than close to it. “But just please… forgive me.”

“I’m sorry, honest.” He tries again after being met with absolute silence. “Just… let me show you, okay?” His breath tickles your face for a second and when you look into his cocoa brown eyes, you feel everything you once felt again.

Memories of good times dulls out the odd feelings in the pit of your stomach – the confusion and pain – instead are replaced with joy. The trip to Malaysia where he rubbed sunscreen on your entire body and laid back to read a book and you watched as his eyes kept drifting to you while you played in the cerulean water; how you kept begging him to come in until he complied and how eventually in the early hours of the morning when you wanted another dip, he fucked you twice — once in the golden lush sand and another in the cool ocean water. 

His face is in your thighs and you couldn’t help but feel better, feeling his breath fanning so close to your pants covered pussy, your body felt scorching hot. He’s grumbling, “Will you let me make it up to you? Will you let me show you how sorry I am?” 

You must’ve nodded because he was already unbuttoning your pants and helping you lay back, pulling your shirt up just a bit to see your perky tits – he must’ve remembered how you never wore bras unless you felt it was necessary, which was mainly work or any important events. 

He blew a bit on your hardening nipples before he took one into his mouth – playing biting them with a smug look on his face before he began licking around your areolas and kissing around the swells of your breast. He doesn’t say anything but he looks deep in thought as he kisses down your body, his fingers scraping down your sides as he works your pants and your panties all the way down. Bringing his head up for a minute, he looks in your face. “I love you.” He says it simply, heavy emotions swirling in his brown eyes.

Removing your pants and underwear completely from your body, he spreads your thighs and looks over your body – a trimmed low pretty bush sits between your thighs and it makes him smile, he always loved seeing the curled hair on your delicate lower lips. He spreads your pussy, watching the skin stretch with a deep smile on his face. You could feel yourself … the wetness leaking down under your body and it made you cringe, but the way he was staring at you made the insecurities vanish. “All this for me?” He takes a tentative lick before he slurps, clutching your hips. “I know you like to run… but I need you to stay put, got it?” It was hard for you to listen to him, your head already fuzzy and the thoughts swirling around were only about him, nothing more. 

Then your body bucks up, “Wait–!” A broken moan escapes your mouth when he presses a soft wet kiss to your clit. Nanami had always been gentle and very careful whenever he ate you out; making sure his tongue was wet enough and that he wasn’t too rough. His tongue was wide enough to make your back arch, your body leaving the couch when it finally hit your clit and he gave you no time to recover before he peeled back the hood, sitting the tip of his tongue there and rapidly flicked at the bud. 

Hearing the lewd squelching noises coming from the mixture of your cunt and his mouth made you close your eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. He spits before he licks it up and down your aching slit, nudging his tongue inside only slightly, much to your dismay. You’re gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy; sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake. When he finally slips his entire tongue inside of you, curling it just enough that you can feel it everywhere, your legs attempt to close up around his head. “Please– ‘m so… soo–oh…” His fingers join in on the fun and in small sloppy circles he rubs your clit, pressing down on the pearl while his tongue continues flicking inside of you. The split second that you open your eyes, his are already on yours and it was that moment, that made your body tense up and for you to cum. 

It happens fast, clear sticky wetness leaks out of you and Nanami still tries to get more of it on his tongue, catching anything that drips and sucking on your folds. “Always so fucking good…” He mutters, spreading you again and smearing more of your slick on his face by shaking his head between your thighs, so that he’s completely covered in you. 

When he moves his head, embarrassment comes over you, looking at his wet face… even his forehead was wet and you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby but… I’ll be right back, stay wet for me.”

Your heart hammers against your chest, lying there on this now wet couch. You didn’t come over here for this and yet here you are… about to get fucked and really, it was no turning back now. You’d been on dates with men after Nanami but they never lasted past the second date and you certainly hadn’t had sex in a while, but he made you come apart like it was nothing.  

But then again, Nanami knew your body… so of course this was a walk in the park for him. It honestly annoyed you right now, you couldn’t even make yourself cum half the time especially these last few years and now, barely an hour here and he has you right where he wanted you… bare and practically back in love with him.

Nanami came back with a fresh face and unbuttoned pants that he was currently pulling down. You clenched around nothing, your mind thinking only of the perfect dick that was going to be coming out of those pants. You licked your lips, this would be the first dick you saw in years and it was his. 

His drooling cock slapped his stomach and you swallowed, your mouth felt unreasonably dry. The length of his cock always impressed you, standing tall at seven and a half inches, he shakes with laughter which snaps you out of your daze. “Now let me look at you.” His whispers and even though he already saw you, both years ago and right now, you can’t help but feel hot all over again. He’s staring – drawing his eyes down every inch of your body –  focusing on your breast before getting to the stare of the show yet again. He smirks, laying you back down, pressing his body against yours to kiss you. 

Your breath was caught in your throat, his tongue still tasted of you and his hands cups your jaw. He’s gentle, his tongue moving around your mouth messily before he stops, saliva breaking apart when he does so. His fingers make a ghostly featherlight touch on your clit that makes you jump, the head of his cock at your entrance. He holds out his hand, close to your mouth. “Spit.” Gathering up some, you spit in the palm of his hand and stroke it along his length, huffing at the sensation. 

He pushes in, taking his time to work himself inside of you, a strained expression on his face. Hips pulled back, he focuses more on just the tip of himself fucking you, watching your pussy stretch with just the tiniest bit of resistance. Inching himself inside, you watch his torso flex and he groans, obscene noises plop and plap around the apartment, his heavy cock pushing in and out of you, your toes curling. 

“Pussy still mines, right? Didn’t give it away, did you?” You’re struggling to talk - to fucking breathe - your eyes rolling back and your jaw slacked but you babble out a soft ‘no’ which makes him finally thrust in you harder, completely bottoming out. You feel him in your belly, feeling full and embarrassingly wide with him stretching you out, his balls sitting on the crest of your ass before he moves. 

He moves you a bit, your bodies flush to each other and he moves his hips in harsh circles, his pelvis so close to your clit. His hands on your calves, he pushes your legs so that they rest on his shoulders, your knees touching your ears makes you tighten up and he groans above you.

“Nanami I-” You call out, eyes closed with pleasure shaking through your core, wetness slapping between the both of you. 

“Nanami? No, call me what you used to call me.” His hips slowed down, a whine escaping your lips. His cock dragging inside of your walls, pulling out slowly, awaiting your response. 

“Please…don’t slow down, Ken—” before the word even left your lips, his hand slapped your cunt, leaving your legs shaking a bit and your eyes snapping open. Drops of tears run down your cheeks and you sniffle, reaching for him… you couldn’t help but feel so small in his presence.

“Say it.” Then, you knew what he meant. A name that now feels foreign in your brain and even when it leaves your mouth, it comes out in a strange rattled whimper.

“Oh, oh… daddy, ‘m sorry. Please, keep fucking me. It’s so goooood!” He’s grinning before the words leave your mouth.

“Still my good girl huh? Always so fucking good for daddy.” He licks up your neck and it makes you tremble, your tongue lolling out a bit and he moves to suckle on it. “Did you skip over all those sex scenes or did you rub this pussy out to them?” He asks, his fingers digging in the back of your thighs. 

You choked out, sobbing, “I did, daddy… But I-I don’t want to remember everything.” 

“You don’t remember all the words I used to describe this cunt? This pretty pussy? That changed his life… my life? That made him always crawl back? That made him so fucking hard? The pretty words I used to describe you? To describe how pretty she always looked when he fucked her? How his heart felt like it was going to explode when she looked at him too long because he loved her so damn much?” He’s groaning in your ear, thrusting into you, his depth reaching your g-spot, your pussy spasming and begging for his cum at every word he uttered. 

Pumping himself inside, you could see the white creaminess that was on his cock, most likely because of you, he was constantly fucking the cream inside of you, your nails digged into his arms and he moaned at the feeling. Your stomach tightens and you move to push him away, “I’m going to c–cum!” You felt him throbbing inside of you, signaling that he was close too. “Please, cum inside of me… I can’t take it.” You couldn’t stand it any longer, it’s been years and you needed him to fill you up. He stopped for a moment, changing positions so that you’ll be sitting on his lap, grabbing your hips and forcibly bouncing you on his dick, dangerously slow. 

Wetness gushes on him as his tip hits you from a new angle, seeing the outline of him in your tummy, he’s stretching you again with each nasty thrust. Each drag of his cock making you go crazy and the aching between your legs continue, your body shaking and both of you moaning loudly and over each other. 

Finally, your orgasm rattled and shook your entire body, your pussy sucking him in, milking him for all he’s worth and it makes his body shake and he releases inside of you, trying to stay quiet as his body jerks up, unable to stop himself from fucking you through both of your orgasms.

It’s quiet for a while, just heavy breathing with you laying on his chest. “I love you too…” Your voice is scratchy and your face tear stained. He doesn’t say anything, his cock still pulsing inside of you.

“I know. I love you too, never stopped.” 

“Did you at least read the acknowledgements or did you just dive right in?”

“I never read the acknowledgements for books, thought you would’ve remembered that.” You watch him get up, walking around the living room, looking for something. You were both still naked and the entire room smelled of sex. 

“I did remember that and when you barged in my door, I already knew that you still hadn’t changed when it came to that. Here, read this part right here.” He brings you over a copy and you run your fingers around the softback cover with a small smile on your face; this silly thing had brought you both back together and right now you could give less than a fuck about those reviews. 

Feeling the spine of the book, you open it and can practically smell the scent of an unopened new book. Turning the first few pages, you go to the one page acknowledgment and read it aloud: “She might not read this book. But if she does, by chance. I hope she knows that I still love her.” You wiped your eyes and smiled. “You’re an asshole, you know?”

He lets out a hearty laugh, “I know baby.” Kissing the top of your head, he gets up and grabs his phone from the kitchen counter and you follow him. “I think I have enough material to write a third book now.” He grabs his phone and starts typing, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Attempting to grab his phone he chuckles and uses his height to his advantage by standing taller.

Standing on the tips of your toes you snort, “Don’t even joke about that!” But a smile takes over your face and he can’t help but smile too. 

[hannieehaee]

OUTTA MY MIND (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: getting a brand new job as a senior idol's manager was scary enough on its own, but it became even worse when said idol was jeon jungkook, idol of all idols. what made it even worse? when jungkook began taking a special liking to you, damning any conflict of interest his crush on you may have had.

content: idol!au, staff!reader x idol!jungkook, jungkook is shameless about his crush on reader, but it's fine bc reader likes him back!!, reader acts hard to get bc her job is too important though boo, afab reader, banter, jk is a flirt, reader is a little bit shy, a lot of rlly wrong info about working in the industry, smut, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 924 (teaser); 7.7k (full fic)

release date: may 31st

or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!

a/n: ive had this in the drafts for a while but kept forgetting to finish it lol anyways i hope u guys enjoy it once it comes out<3 (also not 100% proofread oops..)

masterlist | kofi/patreon

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Whenever you'd tell someone you worked within the entertainment industry, – the music industry, to be precise – people always showed a little extra interest in your words, probably assuming you to be involved in the flashier aspects of it. The statement on it's own sounded exciting, enigmatic even. This would only then be followed by disappointed upon finding out your specific profession of choice, deeming it less exciting than most.

You were a manager. No, you were not an active member of the entertainment industry itself, but you were one of the many pillars necessary for the talent to create the entertainment people would always seek.

Being as young as you were, it had been hard to get to where you were so quickly. Networking had been your best friend all throughout your career, eventually landing you in your current role – one that would only open even more doors for you.

It had only been a week since you had received a call from your friend – an old friend from an internship who just so happened to be a former Hybe video producer – letting you know of a recent opening as one of the many managers at the company. Having been between gigs at the time, you jumped at the chance without a second thought. Hybe? The biggest entertainment company in Korea? You didn't need any details before agreeing.

It was a few days later in which you found out the details. The opportunity had been even more life-altering than you'd thought.

Originally, you had believed you'd end up becoming manager to one of the many brand new rookie groups in the growing company. With so many surging youth in the industry, it made sense to you that you'd be assigned such a role, not having had any prior experience within Hybe itself.

Except that wasn't the case. Having previously worked and interned at a few other South Korean entertainment companies through the years, it seemed like Hybe deemed you experienced enough to assign you the role of becoming a senior artist's manager.

Jeon Jungkook.

Senior artist had been an understatement. Those had been the words written in your contract, explaining your role in excruciating detail, yet failing to mention that your client would be Korea's most popular singer.

You couldn't lie, you were insanely intimidated by your new role. Despite being proudly skilled at your job, becoming the manager of an idol who had been in the game for longer than you'd even been out of college was a bit scary. Jungkook had gone from the absolute bottom to the top, he had most likely lived through it all by now – what kind of expertise could you offer someone who had already seen it all?

Being manager of an idol differed slightly from managing any other person. Idol companies usually handled the schedulings, bookings, and the legalities of their artists. As a manager, you somewhat took the role of a bodyguard. You were meant to show up everywhere Jungkook went and become his spokesperson – vying for him as if your life depended on it.

And now it was too late to back out – not that you actually wanted to. All paperwork had been signed, you had your own personal Hybe badge and all the benefits that came along with working at the company. Any feelings of intimidation or fear for the role would have to be put aside as you walked into the Hybe building to meet with your new client; the boy you'd have to stick by 24/7 from now on.

You weren't sure what you were expecting upon meeting him. It wasn't like there would be any special introduction, or even as if you were his sole manager; no, he actually had a few others who would occasionally aid him in the absence of his main manager, which was now you. Today was a workday for him, meaning that he likely already had a few people in supportive roles as he did whatever it was that Jeon Jungkook did while working.

Walking into the huge building, after getting lost a few times, you made your way to the seventh floor, which, as you'd been informed, had various rooms designated for photoshoots. That's where you'd find Jungkook for the first time, presumably having one of the many shoots scheduled for this week.

Having possession of his schedule made you realize how busy idol life was. Despite having no public schedules all this week, he had a packed itinerary, filled with either shoots or signings or producing sessions. You hadn't even met him yet, but you were already assured that he was overly hardworking – and you had maybe also stalked him online this past week.

It was very unlikely you'd even speak to him, seeing how busy he was. Your duty, after all, was just to be one of the many members of his team, taking care of any logistics as you went around with him, but not taking away from his time by socializing with him.

Upon entering the room, he was the first thing you noticed. Ignoring every other person working the room, your eyes focused specifically on him. It was hard not to, since he was quite literally standing under the spotlight, modeling for a camera. But it was more than that. He had an aura that filled up the room. Putting aside every stylist and photographer in the room, every staff member and intern, he was truly the epitome of main character.

Fuck. Was this going to cause trouble?

....

you can check it out today on my ko-fi or patreon by subscribing to either one!

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

Impulse

AN: Um so, I wasn't supposed to post this, let alone be working on this, today. I blame @majestyjun for violently tossing me back into severe Beomgyu brainrot and, my brain produced this in a few hours as a result. I have 6 other fics I've been actively working on and this is what I did instead. ONE OF THEM IS EVEN A TXT FIC. Either way, enjoy the fruit of my suffering.

Synopsis: After two weeks of no sex while visiting your parents, Beomgyu is beyond frustrated. You completely empathise with your boyfriend but, you're determined to tough it out. You fail to consider just how persuasive Beomgyu can be.

Heads up: Choi Beomgyu x Fem! Reader, established relationship, mostly pwp, dirty talk, pet names, incredibly mild degradation (f. receiving), risky sex, fingering (f. receiving), Monster dick! Beomgyu agenda, Pussy whipped! Beomgyu (is this going to become a thing lol?), Dick whipped! Reader, unprotected piv sex, breeding kink and creampie.

Word count: 1807

I will block you if you are a minor and/or have no easily visible indication of your age on your blog if you interact with me in any way.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Beomgyu," you chastise when you feel your boyfriend's hand sneak its way up your tank top.

"I can't help it. You just look so hot and you feel so soft. It's been for fucking ever," he groans against your neck, leaving goosebumps in his wake. You pointedly ignore the dull ache you feel between your thighs.

"I know, baby but, we're just here for one more week," you respond sympathetically. It's not as though you don't understand his frustration. If anything, it resonates with you a little too deeply. So many mornings of waking up to him hard and hot and pressed against your thigh have really been testing your own sanity. Having to push down your baser instincts as you get out of bed and get ready to spend another day with your family.

None of this is helped by how needy Beomgyu has been as the days with no sex tick by. Desperate, messy make-out sessions before bed and one night of a quick blowjob not nearly enough for either of you. However, he's been trying to tempt you more and more in recent days, and your fragile composure is dangerously close to shattering.

"I can't do this for another week," he whines, his fingers toying with one of your already hard nipples. Before you can chastise him again, he grinds his fully hard cock against your ass and, words completely fail you.

You bite your bottom lip in an attempt to silence the moan that bubbles up from the action and the sensation of his fingers pinching your sensitive nipple. Instinct is what makes you press your ass back into him, and Beomgyu seems to lose it at that.

"You want this just as badly as I do. Don't worry, baby. We'll be quiet. Make sure noone hears," he whispers while his hand finds itself in your sleeping shorts, and more specifically, your panties.

"Fuck. Shit. You're already wet," he practically moans when he first comes into contact with your pussy. Expert fingers rubbing circles against your clit in the way he knows will render you little better than a whimpering mess.

You try your best to silence your sounds against the pillow. Fingernails digging into his forearm while he rubs your clit and grinds against your ass in search of some sort of relief. You accidentally bite your tongue when he pushes two of his stupidly long fingers inside of you.

"Wanna fuck you so badly. You're so wet and tight and warm," he breathes behind you while his fingers stretch you out. A slightly louder cry flies from your lips when he sinks a third finger into you. Beomgyu doesn't give you much time to get used to the intrusion. Curling his fingers mercilessly inside of you while his filthy mouth keeps going.

"Fuck, I missed this. Missed feeling your pussy. Can't wait to feel you around my cock," he groans, his thumb rubbing fast circles on your clit this time around. Your thighs begin to quiver violently, and you feel the knot in your core tightening with each one of his ministrations. You're embarrassingly close already.

"Are you gonna cum for me, baby? Huh? Already? That's so hot. You're so hot. Please cum for me. I wanna feel you cum."

Between his words and fingers, you never stood a chance. You shove your face deeper into the pillow in an attempt to muffle your whimpers and moans when you do eventually fall apart on his hand. Your mind is too dazed to be certain, but you're pretty sure you can hear Beomgyu still talking. For the life of you, you can't make out what his saying though. Tremors still wreaking havoc on your body as he slowly fingers you through it all.

You haven't cum this hard and quickly in what feels like ages. The one time you caved and touched yourself in the shower a few days ago not coming anywhere close to this. Beomgyu might've seriously spoiled you for anyone else. Even yourself, apparently.

"Baby," you eventually hear him whine desperately against your shoulder as he grinds against your ass more aggressively now. Looks like seeing and feeling you cum did quite the number on him.

"I know, Gyu," you soothe, rubbing his forearm, "I can suck you off," you offer.

You feel him shake his head behind you. Jolting slightly when his fingers move inside of you before he speaks, "I wanna fuck you," he says, the throatiness in his voice making you clench around him instinctively.

This is incredibly stupid and risky but, you're already so far gone and you miss feeling him inside of you.

"Okay."

That's how you find yourself with your face in one of the pillows and your ass in the air for him. Anticipation and desire mixing into a heady cocktail in your system as you hear him shuffling behind you. You'd love to see his face. Beomgyu always makes the most attractive faces but, you're just happy to be getting fucked in general.

You gasp softly when you feel his cock prod at your soaking entrance. Wetness smearing your inner thighs and likely coating his tip. You imagine you're making quite the sight right now. Beomgyu, never one for shyness when it came to you, admitted that one of the reasons taking you from behind is so enjoyable to him is the view he gets.

"You're dripping onto my dick, princess," he whispers, running his cock along your slit and letting your juices cover him. "Beomgyu, don't tease," you respond, meeting his lidded gaze over your shoulder.

You're not sure what he sees on your face but, evidently it's enough to finally get him to push into you. He hasn't even started yet and you already find yourself biting down on the pillow and clawing at the sheets beneath you. Your pussy definitely feels that it's been two weeks without feeling him inside of you. The stretch stinging more than it usually would.

"Relax for me, baby," he coos softly, his thumbs soothingly rubbing your hips as he slowly eases into you. You try your best to. Tears accumulating in the corners of your eyes as he sinks inch after inch into you. God, it feels otherworldly. Even with the slight pain that comes along with feeling him pulse inside of you.

"Fuck," he groans when you take initiative and push yourself back until he's completely sheathed inside of you. The grip he has on your hips becoming bruising as you both try to catch your breaths and regain some semblance of composure.

Your thighs are already shaking, and you let out small whimpers and moans just from feeling him bottom out. His tip brushing against places you still can't comprehend exist sometimes despite being with him for months now. Beomgyu, for his part, seems to be struggling more than you currently. His cock throbbing violently inside of you as he grits out curses and groans between his laboured breathing.

"You little slut. I could've cum," he moans and god, you really wish you could see his face. Before you can fire back a retort, he pulls back before thrusting back into you. The drag of his girthy cock along your walls dissolving your mind into a puddle. One thrust, and you were already a drooling mess.

You're not the only one affected if his strangled moan is anything to go by. His pace picking up considerably once he's sure you've mostly adjusted to him. You pray to whatever deity is willing to listen that the walls of your childhood bedroom are decent. There's no way you two could silence the sounds of skin slapping against skin even if you tried.

He doesn't give you a moment to catch your breath. His cock splitting you open over and over again while all your body can think to do is fist the sheets and take it.

"So wet and tight around my dick," he moans as quietly as he can manage, "Missed this pretty pussy." You feel him spread your ass to seemingly get a better view. A breathy 'fuck' and a particularly brutal thrust confirming your suspicions.

You can tell he's close. He was barely hanging on by a thread when he eased into you but, the uncoordinated nature of his thrusts and increase in sounds tell you all you need to know.

Taking all the energy and brain power you have, you look at him once more over your shoulder, "Beomie, I ah want you to cum insi-inside me pl-please," you whine. The glazed look in his eyes is replaced by something more dangerous. Something more feral. You walls tighten around him in anticipation, and a shiver runs down your spine.

His arms wrap around you while he fucks into you faster, chasing his own release. "Yeah? Does my baby want my cum? Want me to cum inside until it's dripping out of you?" He asks darkly against your ear, nipping the lobe in the process. You're sure he could tell at this point in your relationship but, fuck you love it when he gets like this. You weren't sure if you could cum again but, he certainly is trying to get you there.

"Ye-yes, please. Wa-want it. I need i-it," you whimper in response, a few tears rolling down your heated face.

"Ah fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Your pussy is gonna make me cum," he moans, his cock pulsing incessantly while his thrusts become sloppier and sloppier. "You're gonna take it like a good girl, yeah? Take all of it. Let me breed this pretty pussy until you're filled with nothing but, my cum," he rambles bordering on delirious. His words making you grip him even tighter, "Yes Beomie, please please please."

That does it for him.

His broken whines and moans flood your ears while his cock pulses inside of you. His tip feeling as though it's kissing your cervix with how deeply he's nestled in your pussy. He holds onto you like a lifeline as he rides out his release, his warm cum filling you to what seems like the brim.

For a moment, all that can be heard is your laboured breathing. Beomgyu sagging against you as you two crumple onto the bed.

"Maybe we should wait weeks to have sex more often. That was so fucking hot," he mutters against your shoulder and you valiantly resist the urge to roll your eyes.

"Do you really want to go weeks without having sex again?"

"... Fair point," he responds sheepishly.

You do snort at that. Shaking your head good-naturedly at him.

"So, can we do it again?"

"Beomgyu, you just came,"

"Yeah but, I'll be ready to go in like 20 minutes,"

You love your boyfriend's stamina but, it really was a double-edged sword at times.

[orangelionfurandtaxidermy]

Hi, I have some fur farm questions if you don't mind answering.

I've seen you mention that Sapphire is questionable. Why is that? Is it bc of the bleeding and CHS? If so, is Mansfield's Pearl also questionable to breed? And can CHS or bleeding issues be bred out or are they inherently part of the color?

On that note, do you have information on other color mutations that are linked to health issues?

Lastly, how does one get into fur farming? It seems really expensive to set up and buy all the foxes, and I struggle to find fur farms to follow online bc of how taboo it is let alone finding farms to buy live stock from, especially of rare mutations. Is finding farms to buy from more of a word of mouth + trust thing? And is mentorship of new farmers a thing or is fur farming too competitive for established farmers to want to do that?

Bonus: feel free to talk about your favorite mutations or anything else you wanna share.

Hi!

Yes Sapphires seem to all carry genetic illnesses. Some look to be only mildly affected, I’ve been following a few foxes friends of me carefully bred after they discovered some of their Pearls are Mansfield Pearls. So far the animals look to be doing ok, so it’s surely not a death sentence.

However I fear not all farms will be so careful about their breeding or using unhealthy animals because they want to get that special color. You’ve probably seen or heard about Mouse, the Sapphire fox Save a Fox bought from Northern Fox and Fur (a fur farm) several years ago.

Sadly Mouse did have severe CHS and had to be euthanised. There are very strong suspicions the farm bred “special needs” animals so the rescue could profit from the sob stories. Eventually Save a Fox bought out the whole farm. As of today it’s still about half filled with foxes because they can’t place the animals anywhere. Every rescue is full.

Mansfield Pearl alters the way in which blood behaves, foxes of this color seem very prone to excessive bleeding. I acquired this female Pearl Cross (suspected Mansfield Pearl Cross) “secondhand” a few years ago from the US. From what I see in the picture, it’s not a place I want to support. However this girl had already been culled for killing her whole litter of pups. When my tanner skinned the fox, they found that the bones were super weak and easy to snap. The skin had an unusual amount of bloodvessels and also the gums and teeth were quite funky. I’m still waiting for the cleaned skull.

In red foxes there’s not that many bad mutations luckily. Pale eyed foxes do experience sensitivity to the sun, we’ve seen them squint in direct sunlight. Mixing Whitemark/Ringneck/Platinum/Georgian (Snow) creates a lethal effect in homozygous form. Platinums can be anemic but it does seem to be worse in certain breeding lines than others. There’s probably others I’m forgetting but sadly there’s not much research being done anymore.

Finding a farm to work with is very hard nowadays. I somehow got myself a contact 5-6 years ago and it’s snowballed from there. The number of farms is very low now though, many of my own contacts have decided to stop farming because it’s essentially two full time jobs for the pay of half a job.

At least here in Europe it’s pretty much impossible to start up your own farm unless you have serious cash. No bank will want to provide you a loan because there’s little money to be made in the industry. Mutation foxes are very rare, most of what is produced is mink fur, arctic fox fur (‘bluefox’) and some raccoondog fur. You’ll find some Silver and Gold fox, but even those pelts are currently being sold in bulk at rock bottom prices to overseas buyers.

A picture of a Smokey Platinum pup for those who read this whole thing lol. This is a newer mutation for us, last year we had one male and this pup is one of his. Can you see the differences between this cage vs the one the female Pearl Cross lived in (she could barely turn around)? The cage in the background gives a better view of the size. There is also a nest box attached.

[stormblessed95]

Hi!

Ok, so I just rewrote everything I wanted to discuss regarding the new video of Jimin working on MUSE, WHO, and SGMB as I felt it’d be easier than sending multiple asks with my questions!

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

And of course whatever Jimin says matters more to me!

Thanks Storm! 💜

While working on WHO

JM: This album has a lot of cheerful songs. But I wanted to try a different approach for just the title track. There will be a lot of fun songs.

JM: It was harder to write the lyrics this time. I had to pretend to go through experiences I haven’t had before. I’ll explain it one by one in more detail later.

JB (Jon): *interpreting Jimin’s ideas* I’d like to fall in love. I wanna, I’ll do what it takes to fall in love. I still don’t feel it, so what is my heart waiting for?

JM (Through the Translator): It’s just a bit sentimental, so it doesn’t get too intense like, “Where is she?” It doesn’t get too depressing.

JM: It’s not supposed to be sad or anything.

Translator: He’s not like, not too deep into it. He’s like “this is what I’m feeling right now”.

JM: It’s kind of embarrassing to explain emotions. It feels like someone found my diary.

Translator: Thank you for explaining everything so honestly.

JM: My ears are red. *touches ears*

JM: I’ve poured all my emotions into this, so I was very embarrassed just now. Even though they just wanted to ask about the story I wanted to tell. It’s just, everyone…. *laughs*

JM: Everyone’s just living alone, right? That’s what it is.

Working on SGMB

Producer: If the album is going to be all about expressing the process, we could just go all out conceptual.

Producer: I thought we could do a story with a specific concept, and I thought it’d be great if we chose a name for a band.

Producer: For those who aren’t able to express their love themselves, we’ll express it for them. That’s the kind of band we are. That’s the kind of concept we’ll have.

Loco: I’d never heard of a “smeraldo” before, so I looked it up. It’s a flower, I saw its meaning in the language of flowers. One of the related search terms was BTS. So there was some kind of a connection. So I thought, “Wow, I should come today to hear the explanation”. I found it really interesting, that’s why.

Loco: How do we express the true feelings of someone who couldn’t express it themselves?

Producer: Yeah that’s it.

Loco: This is how we should try to think about it.

JM: I thought of you while making this song….

Loco: It’s so good.

JM: Thank you.

Anon wrote an essay, but I want everyone to know and appreciate how well worded and kind this was. This is a request. An ask. This is a "I have these thoughts, opinions and concerns. I'm really curious about how you also feel about this, could you please let me know. Thanks" and not the rude demands, belligerent asks and the homophobia I got about this same topic from SO MANY OTHERS. So just before anything else, thank you anon, for being a kind human being in interacting with me. I hope you enjoy the random gifs throughout this post 💜

Let's take it bit by bit?

I wanted to know what your thoughts were about the video and album overall, as well as with these parts where Jimin goes into detail a little more about two of the songs’ concepts.

When I made my posts about Muse as an album in its entirety, it was technically before this video, but nothing said in that behinds video changed any of my thoughts. MMM gave us enough of an insight already that nothing else really surprised me from what he said, if that makes sense. Other than seeing the original lyrics were gender neutral. While not a surprise per say, that definitely wasn't indicated anywhere before. Idk if you saw my thoughts, opinions and theories over Muse already, but if not, please read that post here:

My thoughts over Who, which I posted just before answering this:

And then the other main posts I have where I talked about Muse, Rebirth and SMGB can be found in the last 9 posts linked here:

I’m confused if the album as a whole is conceptual, or just the tracks Jimin wrote and WHO is the truth. Is this album about finding love or Jimin’s inspiration and creative process?

Personally I believe that the album as a whole is conceptual. Jimin pretty much stated that it was in MMM. Conceptual doesn't mean falsehoods though either. I mention this in further detail in my muse post above as well. So really, please do go read that. I think that this is more about Jimin's inspiration and creative process. And it's about love. ❤️🥰 These things can coexist!

Pdogg even just recently said: "His previous album was designed to be deeply personal, but the new one is more abstract and isn’t strictly about Jimin alone. The whole thing’s also in line with what Millennials and Gen Z experience when they fall in love."

And what does that mean in terms for Jimn and Jikook?

Short answer: Nothing.

Longer answer: Still nothing. I know it's not really the answer you or probably anyone else or any of the antis who sent me asks about this topic, wanted. But it's the one I've got for you. As much as I thoroughly love and enjoy finding the Jikook coincidences and connections in everything. Istg I promise I do. I can be just as delulu as the rest of them. But it's really important that we ALL remember to see, recognize and enjoy their artistic integrity and messages without thinking it automatically has to do with each other or their relationship (whatever it may be, and yes this is still valid even if they are for sure dating each other romantically too).

Jimin talking about making an album that expresses the desire for love, feelings of crushes, wanting to be with the one, etc... doesn't actually mean that's the state of his current life. It doesn't even technically mean that's what he wants if he is single. I AM NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ARE TRUE OR EVEN WHAT I THINK. Just options, because we don't actually know anything about Jimin's life other than what he chooses to share. Personally, nothing he said in that behinds video, the MMM video or any other behinds content for Muse has made me rethink my Jikook opinions. But thats just me, and I don't blame anyone for ever changing their mind about anything. I just think years upon years of sharing things with us and behavior doesn't change based off him explaining the emotions and concept he is going for while working with other artists on his album.

I know people (antis) are going on about pronouns, but honestly I already think Jimin is queer or bisexual, so writing a love song about a woman or with female pronouns doesn’t negate that (especially since we’ve seen a version where the lyrics were gender neutral). Until Jimin outright says he has never and will never have romantic feelings towards a man, I’m under the assumption that he may be bisexual (regardless of if he wants a male or female partner).

I too, am under this impression and fully agree with you here. It's always nice when I agree with pieces of anon essays 🥰😄💜

However Jimin talking about looking for love and not experiencing that, does make me question Jikook if this album is supposed to be speaking from Jimin’s personal experiences and/or thoughts.

I included the parts of dialogue (sorry if I missed something 😅) that lead to these thoughts and/or questions, and it would be wonderful if you could help explain it more, or at least your thoughts on it. I know you’re not Jimin nor did you work with him on MUSE, so obviously you don’t know exactly what it means or conveys.

I’m not taking your word as the truth either, this isn’t the cult lol, just that there’s been many times where your posts help me with the understanding of topics: BTS, Jimin, JK, Jikook, ect!

Have you been following me for a while because that used to be something I said a lot on this blog. I appreciate you requesting a secondary opinion from someone whose opinions you generally trust (and I'm honored and touched that I am that person, thank you) while still making sure to form your own thoughts and opinions on things as well. Even if they end up different. That's really so important. 💜💜

Now I see where you (general you for the 80 asks I got about this topic) might be like but storm what about *insert all your above quotes here* I'm getting there! Also sorry, I'm not copy and posting all those quotes, this post is long enough as it is, but I super appreciate you taking the time to type them all out for me. I will preemptively add this one from the most recently weverse article though before someone else sends it to me in an ask lol:

"Then it goes into “Be Mine,” which takes the concept one step further, and is about an imaginary relationship. Our plan was to follow that song with the lead single and write it as a serenade, but Jimin was having trouble relating to it. He asked himself if he can ever really love someone, and that question led to the creation of “Who.” The album is about looking for some imaginary woman, but “Who” is about the reality of feeling lonely and melancholy, and asking yourself where the person for you is, which is why we made it the very last track."

From:

So let's just sort of break this down in general and all the quotes together if you don't mind.

1. Irregardless of a relationship with Jungkook, true or not. Jimin is an idol, he isn't going to be announcing a relationship until he is married. And maybe not even then if he keeps it under wraps until he is retired. And if he ever has to announce a relationship, it's never going to be through a love song and explaining he drew inspiration from a partner. It's always going to be "love, what's that?" "Oh we are all always single for now." "Haha oh armys are my girlfriend." And if he ever gets forced into admitting to and claiming a relationship, its going to come with an apology and an ask for understanding. Which really fucking sucks, but that's a different conversation entirely. And it's the reality that idols live with. Take it up with the industry and the fans.

2. If Jimin is queer, like you and I both suspect that he is, he is closeted. And will remain so probably until he is at least retired and/or maybe after that too. Hinting at, making vague remarks about it, etc, is not and never will be coming out. So all those points from #1 above, double it and count it worse for this one. If he is queer, Jimin will be sticking to that "what is love, I'm perpetually single" line all that much harder as a matter of safety probably. I mean and who knows, I'm not Jimin.

3. Jimin is working off a concept, a storyline and a following a major theme and plot that over arches through all his songs in order. He knows the emotions he wants to convey, he knows the general idea. Talking about that is and can be embarrassing. Like someone reading your diary. Lol

4. Taking it back to point 1 again, if Jimin is in a relationship, with regards to being an idol and am ultra world famous one at that, AND adding in the potential possibility of that being a queer relationship.... In what world do you think that the (hypothetical or otherwise) relationship would be one that went through any kind of normal courtship, confession, romance meet cute story? Lol for all we know, his experience with love and relationships look different than the story he was trying to tell, which was much more storybook idealistic. Or for all we know, he is single and just has hook ups and has never been in love. We don't know for sure, and that's okay. We aren't entitled to Jimin's private life.

5. In specific regards to "we are all living alone right" that one feels like explaining his album concept, not his life. To me at least. As was Loco talking about how to explain the feelings of someone who couldn't express it themselves, that was the literal concept of the song for SMGB.

And to conclude all my points above, in my personal OPINIONS, Jimin isn't going to share his love life in any type of way with his fans. He was preemptively apologizing for touching a female dancer to his fans. He knows his fans won't allow him the luxury of love. He knows he isn't allowed the luxury of queerness either, not from his country nor his fans for the most part either. The homophobia I get in my ask box is proof enough. I personally think everything Jimin and JK have said through the years and their actions throughout the years have shown me that there is probably something more leaning towards romantic attraction there, and I feel like it's very probably that they acted upon that. In a conventional way or not, who knows. Only jikook. But I don't think anything from these conversations has proven anything otherwise. But of course, anyone is free to disagree with that and think differently.

Sorry for the essay in response. Hope this all made sense and was clear. And that you found it helpful in some way anon. Thank you again for how you asked your questions and expressed yourself. It was great.

[tastefulstars]

Hi, loved your sub Billy Hargrove fics ;) could I request something similar where reader is still in control but a much softer version ? So no degradation play/kink if that makes sense. Like, I wouldn't even call it "take control", it's just her being extremely gentle with him and taking the lead and let him just be himself, get lost in the moment, show him that sex doesn't have to be performative. Passionate, affectionate, loving sex. He loves it so much that he ends up crying. And it would be great to see HIS perception of all of this. In so many smut fics the focus is on how horny reader feels, how much pleasure she is in etc, and it would be cute to focus on Billy you know. I want all the sweet details lol. This boy needs so much love. Thank you so much ;)

Im not entirely sure if this is what you wanted but here we go :))

unedited as always but so full of love for baby boy billy.

It wasn't unusual for Billy to be pinned to the bed by you. He didn't mind, liked it even, when it was you.

The first time it happened - firm hands guiding him above you with a simple demand - had his brain going quiet, his body shaking with the need to follow your orders. You had him feeling so weak and he was hopeless, he needed you like he needed air - needed you to help him settle the angry noise in his mind that sounded a lot like his father, needed you to soothe his hurts with your words.

It was only ever you who he allowed to see him like this, vulnerable and not in control.

So it wasn't unusual for him to be held down on the bed with you straddling his hips. You have that look in your eye, and Billy knows you're going to take care of him, make him feel good. Today is different, though, your hands firm but gentle, your touch a soft caress and that unnerved him more than the idea of submitting to you.

You hush him softly, fingers smoothing the confused frown away.

"I'm going to look after you, baby." You murmur, lips caressing his cheek as you speak.

"You want that, don't you? You want me to look after you? You wanna be a good boy for me?"

Billy feels like he should be ashamed at how quickly you can have him whimpering, hard, and begging for your touch, but he isn't. He can't be, not when he's hopeless for you. He lets himself go slack, lets his worries go because you'll take care of him - you always do. You're watching him, eyes soft as you take him in and the smile you produce when he nods is almost blinding.

"Close your eyes."

Billy lets his eyes slip closed, his body relaxing further into the bed at your whispered praise. His breath hitches and catches in his throat when you drag your lips across his collar bone, soft kisses are pressed against his warm skin and it has heat boiling underneath his skin.

"Gonna worship you, baby. Wanna make you feel how much I adore you, you're so good for me Billy. My good boy."

Billy's heart swells and his stomach flips, his skin feels too tight and he's not too sure if he deserves this. He wants you, needs you, so badly but he can't stop the slight tensing of his muscles - can't stop the thought that he doesn't get to have you like this. You know him too well though because you're already soothing him, hands brushing down his torso and lips caressing his skin. You hush him again.

"Baby, let me love you."

Billy can't stop the helpless whine that escapes his lips because he wants that, wants it so badly. He shudders when you press a 'good boy' against his throat before you start to make your way down his body. By the time you settle between his legs, he's so hard he's aching, almost ready to start begging you for something - anything.

You don't make him wait, your lips wrapping around his cock and sinking down on him. Billy shudders and moans at the wet heat suddenly encasing him, he can't stop the soft moans and whimpers as you work him over with your mouth - especially when you pull off him every so often to whisper softly good boy, perfect, so perfect for me.

It doesn't take you long to have him worked up and close, you pull away before he could loose himself to the bliss of his climax and he whines, thighs shaking as he pants. You give him a moment to collect himself, to let the burning fire settle back into a warm heat before you lean up and kiss him.

"Want you to come inside me, okay Baby?"

He nods, relaxing again as you settle yourself next to him. Your leg is thrown over his waist.

"Hold me," you murmur, leaning over his chest and pressing kisses onto his warm skin.

Billy's arms automatically close around you, one wrapped behind your back, his hand pressed against your spine and keeping you close to him while the other holds onto the thigh splayed over his body.

"Open your eyes."

The whispered instruction has Billy snapping his eyes open and searching for yours. He drinks you in like a man starved of thirst, like he hasn't seen you in years rather than minutes. You're leaning on your elbow, holding yourself up to lean over his chest - it would be easy for you to slide on top of him in this position, or for him to shift you onto your back and press you down into the mattress.

You reach up with your free hand and cup his cheek, thumb stroking his face gently, he keeps his eyes on yours as you shuffle impossibly closer, your hips shifting. You let go of his face and he mourns the loss for a brief moment before you're gripping his shaft and pressing yourself down. It's heaven as he slides into you, warm and made just for him. He watches as your face slackens and a shudder wracks your body. You press your forehead against his as he slides home, you whine his name.

Billy knows his hands are probably gripping you too tight but he can't make himself let go. He needs you close, as close as two people could be. His eyes burn when you start to whisper to him, rolling your hips with each praise and sighing when he gently thrusts into you - following your lead.

Your fingers cling to his chest and face and you tell him how good he is - how perfect and lovely, and strong and how much you love him - as the two of you rock into each other. His throat closes up and he can't find the stinging at the back of his eyes, he lets them fall shut and presses his face against your check. His body trembles with it, you hold him a little bit tighter and keep whispering your love to him as he falls apart.

He feels desired, loved, wanted, good.

Tears wet your skin where he's hidden himself away from your eyes and you press a hand into his hair and he sobs as you tell him to look at me, baby please look at me want to see you I love you baby come with me - he obeys, lifts his head and let's his eyes find yours again. He's already so close and when he sees the adoration, the warmth, the love, written on your face, he hurtles off the edge. Fireworks explode under his skin and he feels you shuddering against him.

The two of you cling to each other while you catch your breath, sweaty foreheads pressed against the others. Billy can still feel tears leaking from his eyes, but it doesn't matter because you're kissing them away.

"Baby, are you okay?" Your voice is soft and your hands gentle as you work to bring Billy back to himself.

He nods, unable to find his voice, but he's okay, he feels like the sun - warm and happy and loved.

[grandhotelabyss]

The substack on "seperating the art from the artist" was interesting. But one detail lead me to a question - childrens books.

I know it was mostly used to mock people who don't want to engadge with anything "icky" as the demographic probably likes to say, but still.

So the question is, should books for kids be squeaky clean, be these gardens of eden were no evil shows its head, till they grow into the maturity which will let them confront the barbarity of literature vis a vis reality?

One could already use this as a segway to argue the opposite - that with the amount of adults not being able to deal with literature going against their provincal pseudo-morals, children should be "trained" from young age to not be like that - the point of childhood is paradoxically to grow out of it, even if many dont want to.

But on the other hand, and this may reveal myself to be the object of the previous high-nosed snot shower:

I kinda do feel "icky" when I think about all these kids books that try to be "hehe, I'm gonna show kids the real world!"

Like that Matilda author, forgot his name, I remember a year ago there was some fake drama about censorship which ofcourse was stupid but still

I do feel some kind of spite, that irony, that want to be subversive that goes against the idealised view of childhood.

Or maybe my realistic view - with all the cruelty and unavoidable misery - but that wants me to say, "why expose them to more of it?"

Because intuition tells me that those "edgy" childrens book have a simmilar ethos as a teenaged kid trying to teach a todler swear words, or to do a roman salute or whatever, this corrupting of the innocent for the sake of it.

But maybe this whole ramble is just the result of a Lacanian wish to crawl back into the vomb, my lile of Preussler's books just a want to become the little ghost who just can fly around in his eternal castle never growing up.

Still ofcourse I get that it is absurd to rant against Matilda with all the childrens media going way further in many ways and the fact that even I as a young child easily acceseed stuff I wasnt supossed to.

So maybe I answerred my own question - maybe there shouldnt even be childrens books in the first place, just books that are more and less apropriate for younger and yet younger kids.

(Also they should burn all those obviously on porpuse braindead picture books, you know the type lol)

Yes, as I discussed here, I didn't really read children's books unless made to and don't find it to be all that appealing a category. People thought comic books were like children's books, so I was happily reading Grant Morrison's occult phantasmagoria, Frank Miller's post-apocalyptic reactionary satire, and Alan Moore's Freudian traumatology of the archetypes at the age of five and six—and I wouldn't have it any other way. Anyway, the writers who shifted children's books out of their moralizing paradigm and into neo-modernist aesthetic integrity in the late 19th century tended to be either quasi-pedophiles like Carroll and Barrie or figures like Potter rather deliberately trying to expose children to the tooth-and-claw realities polite society otherwise evaded. Children's primordial innocence was a useful historical construct, the slowly evolving joint work of Christianity and the Enlightenment, and we are rightly suspicious of those who would tamper too much with it today; but it was a historical construct, it has produced its own return-of-the-repressed shadow (it's likely generated as much pedophilia as it's ever discouraged by inventing the taboo to be profaned), and it has been carried to unconscionable extremes of life-aversion and anti-intellectualism in our time (e.g., the "brain" doesn't "finish" till age 25 or whatever other ridiculous scientific myth of permanent incapacity we're supposed to believe based on the latest spate of fake "studies" these days). People are probably just people at any age from the onset of consciousness forward—I am aware of no great shift in the core of my identity since about the age of five and never thought of myself as a child—and, because there is alas no protecting everyone from everything in the end, they should at least be armed with knowledge and cultivation at the earliest possible moment.

[benedictscanvas]

HI👋 I'm so glad your requests are open! I squealed and was grinning like an idiot reading "Stuck Together" with Steve R. Wondering if I could ask, should interest spark, for a play on number 3 from the Meaningful Gestures list with one Stephen Strange and a GN!Reader? Instead of a hand on the cheek perhaps smoothing some stray strands of his hair out of his face and he has the "Huh? Oh. Ooohh!" moment lol. No worries if not! Thank you for taking the time and sharing your work👍

the fact that people still read stuck together has me a little emotional! that was one of my first ever fics 4 years ago and is so so special to me, it means everything that you liked it, thank you <3 || 1.2k words

---

"I'm trying to concentrate, if you wouldn't mind," he said mindlessly, his thoughts still clearly on the task at hand. Usually, he'd be able to pick your footsteps out from all the rest and you'd at least be greeted with a curt nod or an amicable hum.

"You must really be busy," you said, knowing your voice would be enough to snap him out of his musings. He regarded you with slight apology in his eyes for a moment, but quickly went back to his work, "Unless you woke up today determined to bite the hand that feeds you?"

His only answer was a disapproving grunt, but upon a few strained flicks of his fingers over his current project, he finally looked at you properly, shaking his head a little to get the hair out of his eyes.

"I thought you were Tony," he said, as if he had actually voiced an apology. It was as close as it got with him: for him to almost admit he was wrong about something was an apology in itself in his language, "And I told you that you don't have to bring me food. I'm quite capable at taking care of myself."

"Lying isn't a good colour on you, Doc," you said sensibly, placing the warm bowl of pasta next to him on the table and sticking a fork in the top, "I made extra anyway."

Hypocrite. You hoped your own lie was less transparent than his. When he dropped into this work mode, it was impossible not to want to care for him here and there, knowing the work he did was so important that things like eating and sleeping sometimes took a backseat.

"Stephen, I told you, not Doc."

"Ah, you like it," you said, not sure that was true but saying it anyway. You thought you caught a tiny smirk at the side of his mouth, but it could have been a trick of the light.

"I don't," he said firmly. But his eyes strayed to the bowl of pasta and soon his hands did too, briefly abandoning his work in favour of food, "But I do like pasta, as you know. Thank you."

You wanted to thank him for the little things he did for you so regularly. When he wasn't lost to the depths of his work, he could be rather thoughtful. Always bringing a second umbrella for you when it was raining because he knew you'd forget your own. Washing your dishes when he did his without thinking. Just the other day, you had woken up with his cloak draped over you when you had fallen asleep during one of Tony's many, many briefings.

The cloak was unspeakably warm and it was the memory of it that had led you to cook him pasta that evening. You'd already eaten.

"You're welcome," you smiled, even though his focus was entirely on his food as he began eating. You turned to leave but his voice stopped you.

"You're not staying? Where's your food?"

Ah. Caught out in the lie you knew he would see through. You turned around to face him slowly, toeing your shoe into the carpet. It was better not to give him the satisfaction of looking flustered.

"You obviously know that I didn't make extra and I made it just for you. It's like 2am, Strange, I ate hours ago."

He produced a second fork that he definitely didn't have a moment ago, and held it out to you.

"It's Stephen," he corrected, as if on autopilot, and then- "You must be starting to get hungry again. Eat."

It would have been far more difficult to protest, claim sleepiness, head to bed without a glance backwards. He always had an answer for everything. You heaved a sigh, took the fork from his outstretched fingers and sat in the chair that you were also sure he had just conjured for you.

"If you insist."

You ate in silence. You spent the majority of your time together in silence truthfully, but it was where the two of you were most comfortable. You squirmed under his scrutiny when the two of you conversed, the glint in his eye too often unbearable, but when you had a task to focus on side by side, his company was always relaxing. Warm and safe.

He kept shaking his head to get his damn hair out of his eyes though, and the movement out of the corner of your eye was getting infuriating.

"Just-" you huffed, putting your fork down in the bowl with a light clang, "Hold still, would you?"

You reached up, both hands, and smoothed the offending curled strands out of his face, finding them just long enough to tuck behind his ear securely. Pulling a bobby pin from the belt loop of your jeans, you secured the hair in place with careful fingers. You sat back to admire your work, one hand still holding his chin in place with thumb and forefinger, turning it this way and that.

"You're welcome," you murmured, finally letting go of him and picking up the fork once more, "Again."

You could feel his gaze on the side of your face. Intent. Granted, there wasn't often much physical contact between the two of you, but he had to know that he had been driving you to distraction with that shimmying to get it out of his way. Yes, sometimes the way he looked at you bordered on sinful, but you'd recently realised you'd likely imagined that as a reflection of your own slightly inappropriate thinking when you watched his hands at work.

"I'll give it back."

His voice was soft. A world away from the stern words you had been accidentally greeted with when you entered. You looked up at him quizzically but he just lightly tapped at the bobby pin with two fingers. You chuckled, surprised that you weren't feeling your face heat up.

"I have hundreds, your need is greater than mine. Keep it."

You took another forkful of pasta, and he was still just looking at you. You gestured to the bowl with your fork.

"It'll get cold."

"As hot food tends to," he muttered, forever a smart ass. You rolled your eyes, "You do a lot for me, you know, Y/N. And somehow, you're good company when I feel like I'm losing myself in something."

There was that look in his eye again. Unbearable. It felt almost impossible to meet his gaze for too long when he looked through you like that.

"Anyone would want to-"

"Actually, nobody else does. You keep me grounded, and I appreciate it," he said earnestly, and you managed to keep your eyes on him long enough to know how much he meant it. Still, he could feel you itching to brush it off, so he did it for you, breaking your gaze, "Take the compliment and eat your pasta."

You did just that. You took the compliment and allowed it to warm you inside and out, and ate more of the pasta you'd cooked for him. In fact, he hadn't seemed to eat much of it at all. It was a comfortable silence until the bowl was finished, and although you tried to take it with you when you left, he refused to let you wash up what you'd cooked for him.

You glanced back at him at the edge of the room as you were leaving, just quick enough to catch him touching the bobby pin again. There was an expression on his face that looked like reverence.

"Goodnight, Stephen."

You were granted one of his rare, genuine smiles. Maybe you weren't imagining it after all.

[hotarutranslations]

Also There Is An Album Announcement!

Evening

Streamed today, Harami-chan no Haramifan Radio♪

Ishida Ayumi and Sakurai Rio, Visited as guests🤍

We'll be visiting this time and on next weeks stream too! Happy

Have you already listened to it.. Its amazingggg.. I was actually really shouting about this, Within the radio show, I got to sing, Alongside Harami-chan's live piano playing..😭😭

Eeehhhhh man, it was so cool..

Although I was singing, I was thinking, Nah, I'd like to just hear the piano, Really, thank you very much

You can express so much with just the piano..! I was really, really, moved so, Everyone please definitely listen to it😭🫶🏻

74th Single Commemorative Release Mini Live & Farewell Meet

It was today Thank you very much

.💿💿✨️

Yesterday and today, We've continuously been #1 on the Oricon for 2 days🏅 Thank you very much, for that!

The event was really over in the blink of an eye, Thank you very much enjoying it☝🏻☝🏻

Speaking of, during the event, Like, talking about the single… We didn't do that in particular but ⚠️lol

Magazine, Shows and Radio, We've spoken with varous medias so, (Further, we talked about it on Harami-chan Radio) Please search and look for them!

Nanadaka Sentimental na Toki no Uta..

SaiKIYOU..

Its interesting how the color is so different in one piece, Everyone who got their hands on the 74th single, Again, really, thank you🤍

Its the day after the single release but..

There was a big announcement today🌻

In the autumn, it was decided we'll release an album

This album finally, will be Ishida's last work💿💿✨️

Its an album so there will be lots of new songs, right, There are many songs that I can call my last work, I can imagine it even more~🤍

I'm really, looking forward to it🤍

The release of yesterdays single, We didn't say anything special with the release of it, I thought about it a lot in my own way

When I was writing the Tokyo Sports note Series, I may have whispered about it here and there~

I wonder if its difficult to be open about it~

Its not just that I couldn't give the announcement, There were many who didn't know it was being produced in the first place, There wasn't much to chew on either like, this is my..

Saying, its the first single of the 13 member system! I felt like that fit these songs that were aggressive,🔥 That's really the truth,

I was surprised to see myself on the thumbnail, of the Nandaka Sentimental na Toki no Uta.. MV, Partly because I had no intention of it being that way🙃🙃

I thought, huh~? Its like that~? lol

When asked about it suddenly, I couldn't really speak about it well with words like "last single", I ended up unintentionally using it, …There may be more like this in the future😕😕

Eeh, its like, I'm saving "last" for the album? I wonder if that's how I was feeling? I don't really get it myself?

I conveyed this with my graduation announcement as well but, Everything related to the graduation, will my last first experience of it so,

Its a problem, although I'm thankful😂😂 lol

There is a lot moving around in my heart, Isn't it becoming autumn, I'm excited🤤

Its less than a month until our first day of the autumn tour

Lets definitely have a fun autumn together😌🤍

Play▶️List

Graduation Announcement Blog🐣🪽

Hello! Station #531 I also talk about my graduation in this video

📺Otoboke POPS

TokyoMX August 17th (Sat) 9:30~10:00PM Ishida, Sakurai, Yumigeta are appearing💙🤎❤️

📺Hello Pro Dance Every other Thursday at 11:30PM~

📺Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko" Ishida Ayumi Goes~! I appear once a month as part of the AraKashi Family

The previous shows, and makings, are on OX VIDEO STORE!

Thank you for following.. Instagram💙🩵

💿 August 14th new single✨ "Nandaka Sentimental na Toki no Uta/saiKIYOU"

🪩Hello! Project 2024 Summer ALL OF US "Vega" "Altair" From July 13th~September 1st Traveling To 7 Cities Nationwide All Hello! Project groups are performing🔥

⚾️Rakuten Mobile Park Miyagi August 30th (Fri) Orix Match I will be making the ceremonial pitch

🪩"Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Autumn WE CAN DANCE!"

Its Ishida Ayumi's last tour💙 I'm looking forward to seeing you

🪩"ROCK IN JAPAN FESTIVAL 2024 in HITACHINAKA" September 22nd GRASS STAGE 10:30AM~

→Tickets are on general sale

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

I visited as a guest🪽 "Sayashi Riho and The Time From Now On" presented by Meiji Bulgarian Yogurt

Can I ask this!

With singles and albums, What is the mindset, how is it different, I'd like to know if you can put it in writing🙊🙊

see you ayumin <3

[uncaught-coolfish]

Ok.

I wanna talk about the ice queendom designs.

This one’s adorable, that’s all I gotta say. My girl is snug as a bug. Good for her!

Tbh I don’t hate this design. Don’t like it either. Firstly, girl, you’re a carpenter’s dream. Flat as a board, those sunglasses you’ve got perched on your unneeded chest window(????????? I DONT EVEN KNOW IF THATS WHAT THAT IS) are gonna fall out of there! Also, a little excessive on the belts/straps. And good god are her tights made from iron? They’re shiny as fuck

I don’t like this design. “But that’s the point lol it’s Weiss’s conscious or whatever the fuck I don’t remember shit that happened in this anime,” don’t care this design is ass. The cat gloves look ugly. The belt around the neck is sending me like girl you are going to get choked. The random stitches. I like the fact there’s not 20 different shades of the same color being thrown at us like canon has been doing but here the colors are just not being used well. For the love of god, put my girl in something decent please.

Oh wait. This isn’t her only design.

Look I don’t… hate it. Adam’s original design is fucking banger already. But. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP WHAT’S NOT EVEN BROKEN THIS BADLY

The boots. Oh my god those fucking boots. Ew. Ew. Ew. Girl it looks like you stuck your feet in a griller at a KFC. How do you walk in that. How. Genuinely. How. How. How. YOU ARE GOING TO FALL.

The gloves somehow got worse. Her tail makes it look like she got electrocuted. Those are barely even fucking booty shorts at this point and the thigh highs don’t help. Combined with the fact this fit produced one of the weirdest takes I’ve seen in the fandom yet (from my understanding… might’ve been reading it wrong but you really don’t wanna know), this fit… I still like it better than the first one. Blake rocks the mask.

Finally… some good fucking food. While the brown will never not irk me, points are restored by putting Yang in a ponytail. Hallelujah.

Though I don’t like her pants. Why is only one leg covered. Why. It looks BAD. You don’t need exposed thigh for every female design, folks.

But I also wanna look at the recent dress we got.

Again. Ruby? You’re doing so good babygirl. Kisses.

Weiss? Ew. Ew ew ew. Easily my least favorite. Go girl give us nothing. Why do we keep trying to make her look so youthful and innocent and cute? Especially in the “She is MEGA racist here” anime? It’s gross as shit. Especially given other parts of her character, where I feel like this weird infantilization (forgive me if that’s the wrong word) is just… bleh.

I also don’t really like Blake’s. I’m so sorry they keep putting you in these things girl. Too many flowers. Too many shades. Bleh.

YANG!!!!! First off I love her hair. Thank you. It looks so big and bright and AUGHH also super cute dress. It’s giving southern wine aunt that’ll play board games with you… not a bad thing.

One of two design posts for today. Other will be out shortly.

[sockeye-run]

Up early on a Saturday (it's my Friday) again. Usually I get to work early to open the cafe for breakfast service so that our bee pick up customers have a coffee and hot food option on site; a lot of them drive for hours to pick up their nucs and packages, even from out of state. Just coming from north Texas is basically out of state by sheer distance alone lol.

But today is BuzzFest, our annual summer festival about all things bees. We have the American Honey Princess visiting from Iowa, multiple other apiaries and honey producers vending and doing demonstrations, honey tastings and trivia, educational demonstrations, food trucks and arts and crafts and games (including a bouncy castle and a water slide!)... It's expected to be a big event, hopefully nearing 1,000+ customers between 11-3 today.

I'm assigned to retail, so I'm lucky enough to get to stay in the shade and AC. I've been told that when in retail, you just stand behind the register all day, no time or space to do anything else. You have to force bathroom and food breaks for each other. I'm not too worried, I've worked many a high volume, high chaos event before. This is just my first experience with it at the farm. We've spent all week as a team prepping for it, and it should be great. I wanted to make kolaches for my coworkers for a morning treat, but I stayed at work so late yesterday and was exhausted when I got home last night and decided not to stay up late baking lol. I'll grab some from the bakery down the street and try to make everyone a latte or something at work instead.

Because of the absolute disaster that has been this years bee pick up season, everything has been pushed back at least two weeks. Usually BuzzFest, which is the same weekend every year, signals the end of the crazy bee season, but we still have orders going into June. I was kind of looking forward to the break, but it seems we're not quite there yet.

The kids have some family events planned for the beginning of June, so we're getting them a week or so later this year for summer break than usual. We want them to have fun with their free time, so we're cool with it... Plus honestly, I'm hoping it will show good faith for December when I have to ask to keep them longer for an event with my side of the family 😁 my grandma is slowly deteriorating from rheumatoid arthritis and parkinson's, and my mom wants all the generations to be able to spend another holiday with her while we can. I want the kids to be able to participate in my family too. And, it'll let me get through the late bee season with relative ease, I suppose. I'm not gonna lie, I take on a lot of the caretaking responsibility when the kids are around usually, but now my husband has to step up for once lol bc I'm busting my ass full time and won't have the mental or physical energy left over most days to do all I normally do for everyone. He's already suffering the experience of doing regular weekly chores alone and taking care of the dogs all day lolol.

We're also anxiously and concernedly waiting for word on the debt ceiling crisis. They've extended the decision date to June 5, but we won't know if my husband will stop receiving paychecks soon or not, and it's crushing everything with stress pressure. He makes more than me in his military retirement and we depend on his income for survival; I can't support us alone. If they cut military support and punish the average voter for no goddamn reason, per usual, we'll suffer significantly. He's even warned his ex wife that if things go south, we may not be able to afford having the kids visit for summer. We won't be able to feed them. We've already unsubscribed from any extra services like entertainment and delivery and such which we deemed not absolutely necessary, just in preparation. We've re-budgeted and cut out any possible extra spending and reduced allowances for gas and food. I'm hoping it's all a stupid pissing contest like it was about a decade ago, and things will somehow turn out okay. Hope beyond hope.

Time to go work for those pennies baby lol

[notebookmusical]

Well instead of the pink vinyl, we got a tour movie announcement!! I'm definitely excited and it will be so cool to watch in theaters and see it again! twenty one pilots also put one of their concerts livestreams in theaters and it was so cool to see everything on the big screen since it wasn't available anywhere else either..and it will be cool cuz they're both my sister and I's favorite artists. I was honestly surprised it was so soon! It's very cool to see the pairs of the surprise songs and how they connect..especially with two songs I wouldn't have thought of! One that came to mind is Evermore and I'm only Me when I'm with You. Probably my favorite song and one of my least favorites..but it was clear when she performed it..it was towards the fans and that made it special. One of my fav artists Soccer Mommy actually did a cover of that song and I think I prefer her version..lol. I love seeing any Lover song getting played and they were so good! Someone also pointed out every song had the word lose in a lyric which is something I wouldn't have thought of.

By the way, I hope you had so much fun seeing Maisie the other night! She really seems like a fun energetic performer. She also has a twin sister and I'm curious why her sister doesn't seem to go on tour with her? Lol. I loveher album..but I actually didn't at first, it had to grow on me. But I wonder why her lyrics seem similar but different to Taylor. Like she wrote a lot about breakups in the album..but by actually mentioning the breakup which I thought was weird. Compared to Taylor who wrote Red the same age as her..but how it's more about heartbreak to me. The only heartbreak song to me is There it Goes I guess..and Wendy is like a mix of Love Story and The Other Side of the Door..but also seems inspired by Cardigan. Maybe cuz it's her 2nd album too..that it reminds me more of Fearless, but Lost the Breakup is pretty similar to We are Never too. It's just something I noticed and was wondering if you had any thoughts on this. I know they are different situations and writers though. Like I have written lyrics referencing both Peter Pan..or not growing up, and a song called History which is nothing like her songs too so I guess I wanted more or something different..idk!

Wow that's so cool about the Night Circus..I had no idea it had the potential to be a musical. The songs were good and it seemed similar to something I was trying to describe with cool sets and costumes. I will definitely read it in October since you recommended it! For Breakfast Club, I thought there might be too many characters to each have their own song and how they're mostly in the same room a lot of the time might make it hard. Another one of my favorites is 10 things I hate about you..but that's based on Taming of the Shrew which is Kiss Me Kate that already exists. I love Funny Face so much and think it could work great as a musical with the costumes and balloon scene and dancing. I heard the Oklahoma revival was a lot darker which might have made some people dislike it but I understand what they were trying to do after reading the article. I think a revival of The Producers or Man of La Mancha are two more I would like to see and any Sondheim musical..maybe Passion or Funny Thing. You could probably make those somewhat different or darker. I actually read an article about the plan to move a new Sondheim musical to Broadway the other day!

The book is just fine to me so far. I'm on chapter 12 but will probably read more today..maybe to chapter 20. I wasn't exactly expecting to love it anyway though. None of the characters stuck out to me so far but I do like reading about family issues in books. It is pretty similar to Some Other Now by Sarah Everett to me though.That one was kinda a love triangle between two brothers but Im not sure if that was going to happen in this book too but that's what i'm thinking so far. Its not a problem being similar but it just gives me something to compare it to i guess. That book I think I did not care for the present part of the story and only liked the past after a while but I'm not having that issue with this book. Like I skipped near the end with that one and I hope it doesn't happen with this book. I do love triangles but only when I have an opinion on it..which is not yet and in that book it was kinda used for suspense or whatever. I have read a lot in a day before and it makes sense to want to finish quickly. It has been nice just focusing on one book for now too. This might be a book I don't have much to say about it so far though so it makes sense that you gave it 3 stars. My reading habits definitely change every week..sometimes I don't read for a few weeks and sometimes I read a bit everyday and sometimes I read a lot in one sitting..like 3 hours..so it really depends on my mood, if I have time,and also the book. I'll see if I can get used to 30 minutes around the same time every day though. Hope you're doing good!

hellloooo friend!! it's been a hot minute! i don't think i've ever seen a concert movie in a cinema but i've seen a fair share of livestreams and other recorded performances — for taylor, and other artists! i do remember going to see the proshot of an american in paris at ipic though, but that definitely has a very different vibe! i love i'm only me when i'm with you — honestly, i think debut is just ... so solid of an album and i have such nostalgic memories with it, but it's just like phenomenal as an album. i'm super curious to see if she'll continue doing a midnights song every night + something else for the international leg, or if she'll mix it up a bit!

god, i love maisie! maisie's genuinely one of my favorite people to see live because her stage presence is just so good but i think she's just such a strong lyricist too. i can't wait to see how her career grows :") i think maisie's sophomore album is really lovely in the fact that "the band and i" is the only real love song on it! and i remember @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes talking about taylor & maisie's songwriting styles and how similar but also also very different they are! i don't really think that lost the breakup / we are never are similar, but i'll give them both a listen in a bit! i personally loved the good witch more than you signed up for this, but i really love you signed up for this (and also trying, dressed too nice for a jacket, etc). maisie has, in my opinion, just always been a very strong songwriter! i also really love seeing how many young singer-songwriters talk about their love of taylor, and seeing how taylor's music has influenced them if that makes sense? like the way maisie's vulnerable in her lyrics ("called my mother in a denny's") reminds me in a way of taylor's? i don't think i'm making a ton of sense right now. but i think you can see taylor's influence in like, griff's music (who i love!! and i'm so happy taylor gave griff a shoutout! griff and maisie have a song together — happy hunting ground) for example, and a lot of younger, gen-z artists.

i saw the 2019 revival of kiss me kate and thought it was fun, but i didn't love it (it was also my intro to kiss me kate, to be fair). i did really appreciate it as an art, but it just wasn't my cup of tea! the oklahoma revival though ... chef's kiss. i think the oklahoma revival, and the spring awakening revival are some of the best revivals we've seen lately. i would love to see more sondheim! i also really loved the recent company revival, and i'm really excited for the tour next year!!

definitely curious about your thoughts on the book + where you are in it now!! 🤍 i'm doing a september readathon with my friend jamie @goodwitchs, so i'm hoping to get back to my usual 15~20 books/month this month after not reading a lot over the summer! hope you're doing well!! <3

[coralsgrimes]

I was so excited to hear that Darren Criss is hosting the pre-show show for the Tony Awards tonight…until i saw that his cohost is JH??? Because why?? I literally had zero thoughts about her until this blog and now I can’t not want to head-desk every time she comes up in my life. 😂

LoL it's actually very fucking weird she doing any work. Cuz normally she so irrelevant that I never see her ever lol and truth be told she was like a co-host but for like first 40 mins? For pre show or something? Also seen comments that her hour was not shown live? Like it was happening but not on CBS or whatever? Alssssso see that she went all out and got a fan pic with everyone famous she could catch backstage xd

And as it is custom here let's talk about her look lol also funny thing I found out, her pap photoshoots and the Oscars looks were styled by her usual lady. But all the Tony's looks were styled by someone else. Probably not funny but there xd

Gonna only go over the red carpet look cuz I have no energy for the strip mall dresses she wore on stage xd also no I'm not dissecting any details, all these things I fucking noticed straight away lookin through the photos the stylist posted.

Okie soooo, she wore Pamella Roland again. Remember them? Their team made the custom yellow nightmare for the Oscars xd tis one lookin better but it's straight from the lookbook and not a half assed custom soooo... But like the silhouette of the dress is the fucking same, and we do know that the yellow dress was inspired by runway piece from last season I wanna say?? Like Roland ain't a big name but this is just lazy reuse and not kind of a brand staple lol or so me thinks xd cuz like I'm giving out about the brand now alrighty? so like what is the point of doing the exact same pieces but just changing the color palette?

So I do have the exact same problem with this black one as I had with the yellow. It just does not fit her at all. The style of the dress. Especially the chest area. The V cut does nothing for her figure cuz she basically in a shape of a flat rectangle and bad things to her neck follow too lol Does her good waist down tho, I give her that but like black tube skirt... no one can fuck this up lol buuuut on some pics ye can see weird gathering of fabric at the waist, up and down, like it was rolling or something? A hidden belt or synching? It looks like a poor attempt at giving her THE WAIST lol Idk I'm tellin ye, they keep putting her in dresses that do not fit her, or the fabric got caught on her spanx and rolled up xd seriously I'm kind of sad for her rn cuz someone be lying to her xd

Beside that, it's just boring plain dress, thank ye next. oh! And the crystals. The statement of the look, the eye catchers. They look cheap and plastic, Moschino like. But them lookin like that is Moschinos thing, not sure if it's what the 'elegant' brand like Roland was goin for. Also they just seem thrown in there without any plan, or with a plan but bad execution.

And the weird part alright. So here ye can see like difference in color where the V plunge is. At first I thought someone fucked up her spray tan but I think it's actually a fucking piece of fabric? Like again, I don't understand? Why I can see it? I'm not supposed to see it like!!! It should not be there at all or idk lookin less visible? For the love of god...

The longer I look the cheaper it all seems. Well but like to be fair, not fairy queen's fault that she can't pull out better pieces cuz brands care not for her and all her (and probably her daddy's) money went to secure her a part on Broadway which no one cares about either x.x not everyone Cynthia Erivo in haute couture bridal look lol

The slicked back wet look hair are my personal no no on practically everyone, so I will not comment. What I will say is that it ain't helping her face situation cuz she looks like her skin got stretched. Her eyebrows are escaping and nose got weirdly smaller. One of her cheeks is more round than the other. OH2! She actually ain't even lookin like herself. I seen a pic of her face and if not for the Jules caption I would never guess it was her. Like how did she found the time to do all this? She on stage everyone night the past couple of weeks ay?

[roscgcld]

ZEN’IN NAOYA || husband’s duty

request: omg if it is okay can i ask for a part 2 of sweet little things 🥲

note: you definitely can, love! honestly this definitely cracked my head a little since we didn’t get to explore naoya too much as a character, underneath all that complexity that makes him up as the man we saw in the manga. But I am not gonna sit here and say I do not simp for him AHAHAHA - that would be a huge lie. But we shall see, no? I feel like I made him too soft though, but I live for soft!Naoya - so do not touch me T^T 

part one

warning: suggestive scene throughout, but nothing happens really. just naoya being an ass lol

pronouns: she/her

A content sigh left Naoya’s lips as he leans back into the warm water of the bath, his eyes slowly sliding shut at the warmth that surrounds him. Today has been a long day on the office - with back to back meetings and piles of paperwork on his desk, he was just ready to land into his bed face first and sleep the evening away. 

“What do you want for your onigiri filling tomorrow? The farmers that produce that special rice you like sent a bag of rice to us earlier today.”

Your soft and sweet voice was what broke him out of his tranquil trance, yet he doesn’t find himself getting angry. Instead he hummed as he leans towards the direction of your voice, seeming to melt further in the steaming water when your soft hands immediately rest themselves against his broad shoulders. Fingers immediately getting to work on the knots that had started to build up since the afternoon. “Hmm...unagi filling sounds good.”

“I’ll make some for your bento tomorrow then,” You reassured him with a warm smile as you started to work through the knots on his shoulders, making sure to not accidentally dig your short but well kept nails into his skin. Whilst Naoya enjoys leaving marks of ownership all over your person, he does not appreciate having any scars left on his skin. And although he does not voice his disapproval, you know your husband well enough to know that unless he is in the mood, you should be careful about things like your nails scratching his skin. 

The idea of you making one of his favourite dishes for him, knowing that he has to deal with more paperwork and calls tomorrow has him smiling softly in response. He would not voice out how your little actions causes his usually cold heart to skip a beat; instead he just leans back a little when he heard you collecting some water from the tub with the wooden shower pale. Relishing in the feeling of the water being poured over his two-toned hair, along with your soft fingers gently running through the strands. 

Many people feel bad for you, since everyone knows what kind of man Naoya is. Everyone knows that he is nothing more but a skirt chaser, a man who views women as nothing an accessory to hang off his arm. Whose purpose is to provide strong heirs, and nothing more. You knew of the man even before you met him the first time on your family estate - listening to your older sister rant about how much of a myogenetic, rude, and disgusting excuse of a man Zen’In Naoya is. You’ve heard of the whispers from the other women whenever you would join a jujutsu event where the Zen’Ins would be in attendance. You knew that the moment both your fathers shook hands after Naoya shows great interest in you, your future was sealed to be with a man who seems to be every woman’s living nightmare.

And yet, for the last 4 months of marriage life, things have been...pleasant.

Naoya knew from the moment that he spoke to you that he needed to act ‘softer’ in order to gain your trust. That he cannot be his full self around you for at least the first month of your marriage in order to make him trust you; or until his patience runs thin from acting. 

However, even though he has promised himself that he will drop the act after the first month; here he is, 4 months into your new marriage. Still finding it almost natural for him to act softer and more...kinder around you. Maybe it is because he finds your personality just so soft and welcoming that it just...felt right to treat you differently. Maybe he is just trying to reason to himself that as his wife, you should be treated differently from the common folk outside of your private home; after all, as long as he keeps you happy, he can get away with pretty much anything. 

And yet...he has yet to find it in him to actually act like his usual self around you. Almost as if he was afraid of scaring you, or fearing that you’re scared of him. It’s laughable - how a man who was so self centered and only cared about himself and no one else, seemed to be so worried about what his wife thinks about him. He had reasoned to him that this is normal; that any husband would want their wife to fear them. 

But just...it was odd to him. How he chooses to act differently around you, and not feel like he is forced in any way.

His opened his eyes to take a peak at you when his thoughts start to wonder, scanning over your concentrated features as you carefully worked the shampoo through his hair. Somehow just seeing you so focused on making sure that he was enjoying his bath had his heart skipping a beat; something that would have scared him if it were to happen with anyone else. 

Yet, instead he found himself letting a small but genuine smile tug against the corners of his lips, one that immediately catches your attention as you carefully wash the studs from his hair. “What got you so happy, my love?,” You asked him curiously as you carefully ran your fingers through his hair, making sure that all the studs were gone. Instead of answering he just reached his hand up to grab your wrist in his gently, pressing a soft kiss against the inside of your wrist. 

Naoya isn’t a man to convey his emotions often. He doesn’t necessarily view emotions as weak; he just sees no reason to show others around him how he feels unless it brings him some form of advantage. Other then that, he just puts up an arrogant and unbothered front for the most part. But with you...well, you were different. You are his wife, and in order to be a good husband, he needs to show you that he is willing to show you what is underneath his mask. Or so, he thinks that is what he needs to do. 

The feeling of Naoya’s lips against your skin send a set of shivers down your spine, your eyes shyly glancing away from his handsome face as you felt the tips of your ears warm up. Just seeing how bashful you were about something as small as showing you emotion had him smirking against your wrist, immediately wanting to see just how far he can push his luck. 

And he knows exactly what to do. “Get in the bath with me.”

You immediately snapped your shocked eyes back at your husband in shock, immediately feeling your cheeks warm at how he was staring at you expectantly. Although you’ve seen each other naked before, with him being so obsessed of having an heir of his own - it would be a surprise if you haven’t see him naked in all his glory. It wasn’t like he was bad to look at either - from all the training puts himself through to perfect his Technique, you would be lying to say that you’ve never stared at his strong back or broad shoulders whenever you two are alone. 

It was just...so sudden. And you immediately knew what his intensions were, yet you just pouted softly as you quietly pulled yourself up from the steps you were seated on. Just seeing the soft pout tugging against the corner of your lips had Naoya biting back a smile as he watches you strip from your kimono, carefully folding the expensive fabrics to the side. 

Soon you carefully made your way up the wooden steps of the traditional bathtub, thanking your husband quietly as he held a hand out to help you into the tub. You awkwardly knelt down between Naoya’s knees, still a little nervous to touch him even though he was the one who invited you into the bath with him. Naoya found your fear quite amusing, and without missing a beat he grabbed your hand in his before he pulls you close; chuckling at the squeak you let out when you landed against his bare chest. 

“Don’t need to be so scared, my wife,” Naoya mumbles with a smirk, hands trailing down your soft back to relish the goosebumps that appear on your skin; his eyes glancing away from your shocked face to your fists resting against his chest.  “After all...if there is one person worthy enough to be by my side, it will be you,” He mumbles, hands that seem even warmer than the water surrounding you two resting on the small of your back.

A combination from his soft touches, to his overly sweet but frank words had your face burning up once more as you whine and bury your face into his neck, your actions causing Naoya to let out a soft but genuine peel of laughter come from his chest. “Did I startle you?,” Naoya asks in amusement, already knowing the answer to that question. Yet he wanted for you to answer the question yourself, since he lives for seeing you getting embarrassed over the smallest of interactions with him.

You fluttered your eyes close to try and calm you rapid heartbeat, yet you nodded your head gently to answer his question. “A-A little..,” You mumble back quietly against his skin, heart skipping a beat a little at Naoya’s soft chuckle that he breathed against the shell of your ear. Naoya did not want to admit it, but he finds this subconsciously clingy side of you quite endearing. Whilst he hates it when others touch him, even if they grazed him by accident; he does not mind it when it’s you.

Maybe he has gone a little insane after marriage. 

After you’ve managed to gather your wits, you quietly pulled away from him before you reached back to grab the wash towel you had grabbed from earlier, Naoya curiously opened one of hi eyes when you shifted against his chest. Just having you pressed up against his chest, along with the warm water surrounding him had lulled him into a tranquil and sleepy state. But he didn’t stop you as you wet the wash towel before you carefully lathered his body wash into the fabric. 

Quietly you started to wash his body like you would usually every night, yet this time it was a little different since now you were in the bath with him. Something that he has never really allowed before, since he views his bath time as his personal time. You would usually help him bathe before you leave the bathroom to prepare for bed and whatever wifely duties you need to fulfil for the night. 

But if you were being honest, as you carefully washed your husband clean, you did not mind a change to your routine. Yet you did not voice your inner thoughts as you continue gliding your hands over Naoya’s arms, making sure to keep quiet to give him the silence he enjoys whenever he’s in the bath. However, Naoya was in the mood to talk today. 

Whilst you were carefully washing his chest, Naoya’s hands started to wander along your body once more once more. “So, what did you get up today whilst your husband was out at work?”

You blinked up at your husband curiously, to which he just raised an eyebrow in response at the look you threw his way. “Can a husband not know what his wife gets up to when he slaves away at his desk?,” Naoya asks with a soft raise of his brow, his words causing you to widen your eyes as you shake your head immediately. Not wanting him to think that you’re questioning his authority. “O-Of course not! I-I just...thought...you’d like some quiet in your alone time..”

A soft sigh was your only response, to which you awkwardly looked away from your husband’s eyes to stare at his hard chest; worried that you’ve angered the man. “You know...I want to hear about your day too,” Naoya mumbles after a few tensed seconds of silence, a finger gently crocking under your chin to coax your eyes to look up at him. He did not have a smile on his serious face, yet there was a soft look shining in his usually hard eyes. “I get curious sometimes when I have time to breath...what does my beautiful wife do at home when I am away? Does she miss me? Does she take the free time she gets to pretend that she is not my wife? What could you be possibly be doing when I am away from home..?”

When you heard his words, you tilted your head softly as you scanned his face, trying to understand the meaning behind his message. He wasn’t dumb - he was more than aware of the whispers of the maids that thought he was not around, how people feel bad for you that you are married to a man like him. He honestly doesn’t care what others have to say about him - he never cared about what others have to say about him. Because he knows that when they need power or need something to get done, they will always turn to him with fake smiles and praise dripping from their tongues.

However, he was genuinely worried about you - he was worried that the whispers of his past will start to scare you away. Make you think that you are an idiot for marrying a man like him, and slowly but surely take you away from him. For once he was worried that you are going to leave him, because for once in his life, he finally understand what it truly means to be home. The very thought of you leaving him shakes him down to his very core, and he will do everything in his power to prevent that from becoming his reality.

“I don’t...think like that, you know.”

Your soft voice snapped his train of thought as he glances back into your eyes, blinking when your soft hands rest against his cheeks gently with a soft smile gracing your features. “I knew the type of man you were before you came to my family estate that day, and I have heard of all the rumours of your attitude even whilst you were courting me. But that didn’t change my decision because I genuinely enjoyed having you around.”

Your words had Naoya widening his eyes as his mind went blank at your confession. And seeing your usually stoic and arrogant husband looking stunned had you giggling as your thumbs started to stroke at his high cheekbones. “Yes, you may be a little colder and stricter then I am used to, but you are still a good man. You’ve been nothing but a good husband to me, and far from the rumours paint you to be. So don’t worry too much about my thoughts on our marriage, because I am nothing but happy to be your wife.”

Quietly you gently tugged his face close, resting his forehead against yours with a smile. “I know that you grew up in a different world from I did, and that you were brought up with different morals from mine. But I also know you’re trying for me, and that is more than enough for me at the end of the day.” You mumble softly, revealing to him that you were more observant than you let on. Yet you faked ignorance for his sake because you genuinely cared for him as a person. “Because at the end of the day, a wife is knows all of her husband’s sides the best.”

For once Naoya was completely stunned into silence, having never expected for you to be so candid about your feelings. Your response to his stunned silence was a quiet giggle as you lean forward to press a soft kiss against the tip of his nose. The feeling of your warm and soft lips snapped him back into reality, and upon realising how close you were, his pale cheeks flushed up from embarrassment. Immediately one of his hands pulled itself away from where they were resting against your bare hips to cover his cheeks with the back of his hand, eyes darting away as he leans away from you immediately.

“I-I want to get out of the bath now...”

You let out a giggle at the sight of your husband so out of character, yet you made no other comment as you nodded with a smile. “Lets get ready for bed then, my love,” You hummed out as you carefully got out to grab the towels for the both of you, biting back your smile at how cute you find him to be as you dried yourself before you did the same for him. 

It was only later into the night, long after you’ve fallen asleep when Naoya really calmed down. You had long fallen asleep, face tucked away underneath his chin whilst your arms wrapped around him loosely. He knows he needed to sleep in order to function properly tomorrow, but his mind has been racing the moment you two got out of the bath to prepare for bed together.

He still cannot wrap his head around the idea that you willingly stay, even knowing that there is a chance you might see a less ideal version of himself. You choose to stay knowing all of the rumours about him and his, admittedly, horrendous behaviour and morals. And whilst he does not know what was it that he did that had you landing in his life, he is 100% sure he will never let you go.

Quietly he presses a soft kiss against the top of your head, a soft but content sigh leaving his lips as he closes his eyes to try and get some sleep before his alarm would go off later. Signaling to a start of another long and boring day away from you once more. 

“You’re the best thing that has happened to me,” He mumbles softly into the quiet bedroom, a soft admission to you whilst you’re far away in dreamland, dreaming of things unknown to him. But the least he can pray for is that he wouldn’t become the enemy in your nightmares.

Because at the end of the day, it’s a husband’s duty to protect the happiness of their wife from the evils of the world. Even if the biggest evil in their lives is themselves. As long as he is your husband, you will have nothing to fear.

He will make sure of it.

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform.

[thebibliosphere]

ADHD reward system? Please tell me your secret!

My therapist has been helping me find a reward system that works for me, and as it turns out, gold star stickers are really helpful for making me feel like a tangible goal was met, and helps give me that sweet, sweet dopamine release that comes with completing a task, something which us ADHD’ers really struggle to achieve and are already coming at from a disadvantage with our brains regularly not producing enough “happy” hormones as it is.

It was supposed to be “a sticker for every time you finish a chapter”, but after some revision, my therapist said that was too tall of a goal, and that I should pick something smaller. So instead I now get a star every time I finish a 500-word milestone, placing the sticker in my writing calendar/journal thing that I use to keep track of my writing, and ironically, I have started to produce more work than when I was stiving for one chapter a day.

To give you an idea of how staggeringly effective this has been for me, I’ve written over 30k of original fiction in the last week. (75k total if you include my social media and blog stuff, which I currently do not but likely should.)

So this is what it looked like when I was attempting to do a chapter of edits and revisions a day during the month of December 2019 (note: I was supposed to start this in Nov, so you can see how well that worked out for me lol):

ID: A calendar showing days of the month with a shiny star sticker showing a completed task.

And this is what my writing journal looks like now that I’m doing a star for every 500 words:

ID: an image of a handwritten journal with the dates mapped out, followed by a shiny star sticker for every completed 500-word milestone. There are 65 stars in total for the month of January 2020. It’s also tinged by a green light cause I’m doing a chronic pain experiment, so far with positive results!

So as of today, January 8th, with ever star = 500 words, then 65*500 = 32500 words totalled in 7 days. This does not include, like I said, my social media output where I am far more productive, this is just my fiction and some editing work for friends.

(Which side note: this is not to flex, or to say that others should be able to achieve this level of output. I am a professional writer, this is my main job and only source of income. And also, I was forged in the fires of understaffed editing hell where we would be expected to churn out 100k+ a week in edits and revisions to keep on track. I have the time and a learned skillset I have spent years amassing to be able to do this and am working towards a rigid deadline. I simply have not been healthy enough in a long time to manage it, and am finally working my way back up to speed after years of illness. Don’t look at this and think, “I’m not achieving enough”, every victory no matter how small is worth celebrating. And I say that with the utmost sincerity, as someone who spent most of the last 2-3 years unable to get out of bed.)

I’ve also started using it to help keep track of bills and chores around the home. So every time something gets done/done on time, whoever completed the task gets a star on the calendar. This includes Oppy the Not-A-Roomba, who does a very good job of taking care of the house on a daily basis:

ID: an image of a chore calendar denoting various tasks that have been marked off with a holographic silver star sticker, including our robot vacuum who does an excellent job and deserves all the stars. (Our names got blurred out cause ETD doesn’t want his real name out there in the world, so that’s what is blurry.)

This system is useful for several reasons, the primary one being a sense of achievement and continued motivation, and the second, to allow you to review each month to see where you are doing well, and where you might otherwise be struggling.

For example, if I have a bad day for writing or decide to take a day off, I write that down in the calendar rather than leaving it blank, so that I have a record of what went wrong (or right, if I am electing to self care that day and take a day off) and how my overall progress is doing.

In terms of house stuff, this has been especially useful for ETD and myself, as it shows us where we are managing to do a good job with the house, and where our executive dysnfunction issues really trip us up and where we need to make improvements. And I don’t just mean in an “I should try harder way”, I mean you have to actively sit down and be like “hey! What is preventing me from completing this thing” and trying to figure out effective ways to either get around it or resolve a larger issue at hand.

So for us, the biggest thing we tend to miss is doing dishes after dinner, meaning we get left with a pile-up of dishes to deal with first thing in the morning, and my ADHD can’t handle that. It won’t let me eat until I’ve cleared all the mess, but I usually don’t have the energy to clean up if I haven’t eaten, so it’s this awful cycle of ineptitude. We’re doing better with the star reward system, cause it’s showing us our progress loud and clear on the fridge door, but we are both usually so fatigued and exhausted by the end of dinner that doing dishes is just one thing too many for our mutual disorders. So, the solution for this would, of course, be a dishwasher, cause if we had one of those, we could load stuff in, turn it on, and let those dishes get done while we go to bed then put them away in the morning. We can’t afford to do that right now, and we have other appliances we need to buy/replace before we can do that (still don’t have a tumble dryer, or a washer I can access, rip) but it does give us a tangible goal to work toward, and also, the motivation to keep on top of things because it goes from “an endless task with no end in sight” to “there’s a solution for this, we can manage a while longer.”

Now you could be saying, but Joy, I’m an adult! Surely I shouldn’t expect rewards for completing every day tasks that I should be able to do?!

To which I say, neurotypical people get rewards all the time and get an unconscious dose of dopamine/serotonin from their brains every time they complete a task. They’re playing the game of life on easy mode, the gold star is your achievement for completing it daily on Nintendo 99 hard mode. IF THE STICKER WORKS, TAKE THE STICKER

YOU’VE EARNED IT.

[21burritoseavey]

Hey love!

Hope you’re doing good.

I have cute idea where y/n is having a bad day then she goes to Daniel house and she ask Christian where is Daniel he tells her he is in the studio and Daniel was live on ig but y/n thought he playing piano and recording himself so she sat on his lap , he panicked because they were still a secret and he wanted his relationship private.

I hope that’s not to crazy

Hey! I’m doing great and I hope you are too. thanks for requesting!

Secret Relationship (d.s)

a/n: k just pretend that the background of that photo is the studio lol. I will most likely do a little pt.2 for another request I got:) if you want other scenarios or anything let me know cos this was fun lol. enjoy!

It was fair to say Y/n was having a bad day. The morning rose and fell as quickly as the leaves fell from the autumn trees outside, but once it was time for the sun to descend, the hours couldn’t have inched past any slower, crawling in one by one as she worked quietly behind the wooden desk after school.

It was 4:56pm when she glimpsed over at her lock screen to realise, she had an hour left before the library would close for the day. The school building was quiet at that hour. Most people were revelling in the joys and relief the weekend had graciously brought and only the janitor was seen wiping down the windows in the distance.

She could barely keep her eyes open as she wrote down the last of her notes. Her fingers ached after scrolling through the pages...and documents...and slides on her laptop and her brain went practically numb from all the letters and numbers she’d stared at. The unsteady pile of books beside her was not helping either. All those thoughts of work had her craving her boyfriend’s presence. She just wanted one of Daniel’s hugs at that point. The warmth of his strong arms wrapped around her and the comforting beating of his tender heart right against her ear. Every aspect of Daniel’s affection was practically engrained in her mind. The thought of being with him squirmed in the back of her mind, tugging at her heartstrings until she finally sighed and closed her books. She tucked her belongings into her backpack and made her way out of the library - after giving the quiet librarian a wave - and across the campus.

Y/n found herself standing behind the Seavey’s front door. She knocked a couple times and heard the door handle rattle after a moment. Christian slowly came into view as the door creaked open.

Y/n cracked a gentle smile. “Hey, Y/n,” Christian moved to the side to let her walk through. “How’re you doing?”

“I’m okay, thanks for asking.” She replied. “And you?”

Christian noticed how Y/n’s shoulders slumped as she walked and the subtle frown playing at her lips, but he kept his thoughts to himself. “I’m great, just finished a self-tape.” He sat on the couch nearby.

“That’s great.” Y/n yawned. She’d come over to the Seavey’s house many times before so making herself comfortable was never an issue. Her blanket was tossed in the corner of the sofa, and she reached an arm to pull it towards her. Christian chuckled lightly as she plunked herself down and closed her eyes. The quiet of the home allowed her to enjoy some well-deserved rest. Only some, because in minutes Kobe was scampering down the hall and jumping into Y/n’s arms.

“Oh my God!” Y/n lifted herself up again and pet the excited dog as he licked her. She turned towards Christian again with Kobe shuffling further into her chest. “Is Daniel home?”

Christian looked up from his phone. “Yeah, in the studio.”

Y/n sent him a quiet ‘thank you’ before she was jumping out of her seat and rushing outside, across the patio. Kobe was quick at her heels.

Y/n had slowed down once she reached the door. She pressed her ear against the cold surface and listened in. The faint sounds of Daniel’s piano playing had sailed along the studio and seeped through the small gaps of the door, dancing with the steady breeze.

The soft, bell-like melodies emitting from the piano had smeared an unmistakable grin on Y/n’s face and she let her hands twist the doorknob quietly to not send Daniel out of his playing. She could sense his happiness from a mile away and today was no different. He was doing the very thing he loved after all.

The heart fluttering sight of him in an oversized, grey hoodie had her shoulders untensing and her face softening. “Hi,” She greeted. She trudged over and rested her palms on his shoulders from behind. His phone leaned against the music rack, with comments and questions gradually moving upwards beside little floating hearts. The live Instagram broadcast on his phone remained totally invisible to the young, tired girl. Daniel was hardly able to utter a warning before she draped her legs across his thighs to sit on his lap.

He couldn’t contain his nervous giggles as she hung her arms over his shoulders, “Hey, b-...Y/n.”

“Hi,” Y/n replied. She nestled her head into his chest and even clutched Daniel’s arms to rest around her waist. The Instagram live played on as the young couple rested together on the bench. Daniel kept his arms wrapped tightly around his girlfriend despite his heart’s intense beating.

He looked towards his phone screen again. “She’s just giving me a hug.” He reassured the viewers the best he could. He knew no one was buying it though. The comments were brimming with heart-eye emojis or excited comments in all caps.

Daniel peered down at his girlfriend, tucked comfortably and unbothered in his arms. “Just a really long hug.” He nodded towards the screen again.

Y/n went out like a light. She was perfectly content cradled in her boyfriend’s loving embrace, already drifting into a peaceful drea-

“Y/n.” A sweat broke over Daniel’s forehead. He snatched sneaky glances towards his phone before trying again, “Y/n!” He whispered sharply through the warm toned room.

“What?” Y/n mumbled quietly. She rubbed her eyes to spread her consciousness further.

“People are watching.” Daniel jerked his head towards the phone screen in front of them.

Y/n snapped her head to look at his phone propped up against the music stand. “Oh! Ri-right.” She shifted off Daniel’s lap quickly. He tried to wear a smile for the audience in his phone that were very much engrossed in the situation. Y/n dropped her gaze to the floor and picked at her nails. “I’m just...” She flung her arm to gesture towards the door, “gonna go.” Y/n’s nervous words were barely heard through the room and Daniel’s expression faltered as he watched her stride off for the living room without a second glance.

He felt terrible. He fought the urge to run after her and make sure she was okay, merely spinning back around to face the screen. “Okay,” he said breathily, pressing the keys harshly to produce a muddled mess of notes. He didn’t feel like playing anymore.

---

Daniel dragged his feet out of the studio towards the living room. He noticed Y/n sitting on the couch during the rest of his livestream and desperately wanted to make sure she was okay. Outside, the sunset bloomed beautifully, setting the sky ablaze with soft colours as Kobe played quietly on the patio. He ran towards the main house as Daniel slid open the door.

Y/n gave him a quick upward glimpse before lowering her eyes again. But then she looked up again, noticing his usual soothing smile replaced with a long frown. “You okay?” She asked softly.

Daniel fell back onto the sofa with a deep huff before glancing at her. “No. I’m sorry you had to leave like that.”

Y/n chuckled, “It’s okay.” She shuffled closer to him. Her body was angled slightly towards his and she dragged an arm to rest across his shoulders. Daniel moved to rest in between her crossed legs, and he rested his head on her chest. “We both want our relationship to be private, so...it’s okay.” Y/n consoled with a giggle. “I think your fans are suspicious now though.” She let a smirk tug at the corner of her lips. Daniel raised his eyes to meet her sparkly eyes.

“Oh, they’re definitely suspicious now.” Daniel took her hand away from his shoulder and entwined their fingers in a loose grip to kiss her knuckles. He cupped her face with his other hand and kissed her lips strongly. Y/n sighed pleasantly into it, finally feeling that relief she’d been waiting for all day. That reassuring affection that pulled her into a wave of warmth and comfort. They silently enjoyed the love that danced through their bodies and in between them for a few long moments.

Daniel pulled back and intertwined their fingers again. “It won’t be like this forever, Y/n.”

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