#but i WILL leave this rebloggable

[dreamcrow]

heya, hope you’re having a good day. are you aware that the arcane order are listed as siblings on the official wiki? i just wanted to check so i could see if i should use the block button or not.

oh! oh anon, i think this is the first ship wank ask i've ever gotten, how exciting. in return for such a gift, i'll assume you sent this in genuine good faith, and give you a genuine answer: i am indeed aware the "official" wiki lists the order as siblings. i do not, however, give a single crisp fuck, because

they're fictional characters, and

the "official" wiki couldn't cite itself out of a paper bag.

where on earth did people get the idea the arcane order are siblings? this happened with the janus order too, if i'm not mistaken, the most baffling two nickels situation i've seen in this fandom. i'm very glad for the people who have this headcanon, don't get me wrong. it can be cute! i can see the logic, even if it's not my own hc. (at least not as most of the order-as-siblings crowd means it.) many of the people most vocal about the-order-as-siblings however seem to be confusing their personal interpretations with concrete, citable facts.

which is fine, i am firmly in the camp of fandom as a no-homework zone. but i'm confident enough in my own interpretations i don't need to rely on a wiki that confuses "vibes" with "text." ╮ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ╭

look. if you want my sweet order art/fic/meta/etc. (understandable) but want to skip the shippy stuff (you do you), i try to remember to tag it. but at the end of the day, this is *my* sordid den of wretched cartoon villain apology-slash-smoochin, and if you find yourself in a circus, you should perhaps prepare to see some clowns. if you can't follow someone whose character interpretations differ from your own, please do block me. genuinely: no hard feelings! love curating my own experience, 11/10, can't recommend it highly enough.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

just to be completely clear, the amount of military power and political influence Israel has has NOTHING to do with its settlers being Jewish. Israel is a force for American & European interests in the region and they're just doing what America does and allows/encourages its close allies to do.

war crimes aren't considered war crimes when someone America finds useful is doing them. european and american pushback against anyone criticizing Israeli apartheid & genocide is 100% because these crimes are useful to American & European hegemony.

Governments that are deeply antisemitic, like France, aren't suddenly caring about Jewish people. Jewish people, persecuted the world over, don't hold some kind of hegemonic power outside of Israel.

The state of Israel and its attendant brutal treatment of the locals are both incredibly useful to the US, and American hegemony means we're expected to celebrate both.

not bc they're Jewish. this isn't a break in the pattern of western antisemitism and it's not evidence that antisemitism doesn't exist.

it's just like how you could get fired for saying shit against the US war in Afghanistan when i was growing up. it is 100% about US military and political interests (ok slightly western europe too but lbr)

[stanngeddon]

homestar runner doodle dump WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! featuring significantly more characters than my last one :))

and some au stuff below the cut!!

just,, just don't let it concern you i make a gravity falls au of everything,, i don't have any interests that impact my every day life,,.

[cokoweee]

I WAS POSITIVE I DELETED THE COMICS COMPLETELY CAUSE OF HOW HARD MY BRAIN PUSSED OUT OF THIS FUCKASS AU

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD I STILL HAD IT

GOD I WANNA 💪👊👊👊 RARARARARARARARARARARARA

[risingsunresistance]

"but wouldn't he zombify if he was from the nether and entered the overworld?" have you considered he is just built different

[overelegantstranger]

i sometimes see people saying that [essentially], size inclusivity has gone too far, people should let designers design for the body they Can design for rather than making poor attempt at fitting a larger body.

and if we were in a vacuum, and this was in complete good faith, I would kind of agree. there's nothing wrong with knowing what you don't know, and sticking to your own skills.

but it's not really in good faith (most of the time) and it's not in a vacuum. Many indie pattern designers didn't learn design formally; the body they've learned to fit is the one they've practiced fitting the most. Because of fatphobia, that's most likely a slimmer body, and because of a lack of formal training, there's no reason to believe that these example designers actually can fit a slim body better than a fat one, as opposed to knowing how to fit their body vs other bodies.

It's also I think about a certain level of industry standard, which, from a non-industry perspective, is much less codified in knitting than in sewing. In knitting, there is often pushback in some circles against a standard-ish size chart, against technical editing and test knitting, and against a reasonable price for labour*. It's as if, in some circles, an agreed approximate standard that you should aim at reaching over time is an imposition on these poor designers who shouldn't HAVE to design for "specialist sizes" or "nonstandard bodies" (even though a 60" bust isn't exactly "nonstandard"). Note: it's also important to be inclusive to smaller sizes, but i generally see this perspective aimed at larger sizes.

like, i do agree that a person needs to know the rough ways they deviate from the expected sizing (wider or narrower shoulders, a shorter or longer torso, etc), because size charts can only capture a small cross-section of people and knowing where your body is specific and individual helps you to get the fit you want, but that is NOT the same as expecting a certain standard of size inclusivity. And expecting a standard of inclusivity and asking a designer about that standard isn't bullying them necessarily? Harrassment can always happen for sure but expecting a standard and not supporting a designer for not reaching that standard is not bullying.

*I do think it's good to have financially accessible, well made patterns, but I also think that knitting pattern designers deserve to charge a reasonable rate. Not that every designer should charge the same, that's up to the individual, but that knitting patterns shouldn't necessarily be expected to be cheap.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

this person has me blocked, which is something i used to genuinely lament because occasionally i'd see bits of their very thoughtful commentary floating across my dash, and i'd find myself sighing sadly over what other gems of wisdom i was missing out on by not having access to their blog. i'd even lament about it via dms to some of my pals who did still have access to this person's blog. what interesting discussions must have been happening beyond that "???" "this is no one" "uh, who??" opaque door that tumblr always presented to me whenever i clicked on this person's username? would i ever know?

a friend this morning: want to see a bad take to get mad at

me: obviously yes

anyway as it turns out, it looks like i'm missing out on exactly nothing, actually, so that's a huge relief

more seriously, recalling the insightful commentary that i have seen this person reblog in the past when it has come across my dash, i am frankly in awe of this one, because it is so profoundly disconnected from reality and how people experience stories. like i'm not even sure where to start with peeling back all of the wrongness layers at work here because i haven't taken my adhd meds yet this morning, but the primordial stupidity at this take's core (coming from someone who is clearly smart, ftr, i am targeting the stupidity of the concept, not the person) has made me genuinely angry. it's not even just about applying this framework to mdzs, though of course it is principally about that because this book DOES actually place class front and centre at multiple points in the narrative. it's the idea that we just shouldn't be having conversations about classism, or sexism, or [x]-ism, in the romance genre, because don't we realize the point is the romance, actually?? these other things clearly don't matter and aren't worth talking about??? and this mindset is so utterly foreign to me because at no point have i ever felt compelled to stop myself from thinking thoughts about a book because "oh, but this is genre fiction, i need to turn my brain off to read and enjoy this, i forgot." or "this thought is not appropriate because genre fiction, i'd better stop thinking it before i ruin the story."

like. i am deeply, deeply sorry for this person, actually, that they are not picking up on precisely what mxtx is putting down in the text, especially considering mxtx has explicitly explored themes of class in at least two of her novels (i'll get back to you on including svsss once i've read it). but also, a critique of class in the jianghu, or how mxtx has written her female characters, is entirely as valid use of fandom time and energy as writing one more definitely original and not remotely repetitive thinkpiece on the power of wangx!an's morally good love to overcome all obstacles (not saying OP wrote any of these, just that there ARE a bunch of them out there).

like. why do you want to simplify the experience of reading and thinking and talking about these books? why do you want to push for more boring analysis of stories? why are you using your platform to encourage this? i'm so mad about it actually. people listen to you, and this is what you're encouraging them to do: think less.

[evilwickedme]

1. Ugh y'all are annoying stop interacting with this post there's a reason it's unrebloggable

2. Zionism is not inherently violent.

3. I don't think Israel is a colonial project, and in fact many elements of its existence are actually decolonization. Disagreeing with the mere fact of Israel's existence while calling for a Palestinian country is inherently self contradictory and a bigoted position to have. This does not mean that you cannot advocate for Palestinian self determination. It just means Jews also deserve the same exact thing.

4. I don't think that going back to 67 borders is right, because the idea of splitting Jerusalem in half and preventing Jews from accessing the western wall - and, in fact, to this day preventing us from accessing har haba'it - has always been abhorrent.

5. Jews are indigenous to the land of Israel, and always have been.

6. Zionism is a natural result of 2000 years of praying to return to Israel, actually

7. Antizionism is, extremely often, especially when espoused by non Jews but not exclusively, and not excluding POC, antisemitic as fuck

8. Zionists are also allowed to defend themselves against antisemitism. I don't have to prove myself as being a "good Jew" in order to not be targeted

9. People who didn't even mention 7/10 but are talking about Gaza are fucking hypocrites. You don't get to choose which innocents are okay to kill

If you want to argue these facts, argue with the wall, or fucking block me.

[muirmarie]

Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways

Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.

Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.

Me: like maybe I should branch out or something

Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]

Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!

Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS

[the-al-pals]

(( can y'all do me a favor and like this post if it really is ok for me to reach out to you for writing?

idk if it'll help my brain out at all, but i struggle with approaching people for interactions, whether it's because i think they're busy enough without me adding to the thread count, or because they have other people to write with and i'll get dropped/lost, or some other silly third thing keeping me from it.

so if it's genuinely ok for me to send asks or tag you in posts and such, please like this to let me know. maybe it'll help. i'm hoping it'll help. i wanna write more, i just let my nerves get the better of me 9 times out of 10, even with people i'm close friends with. ))

[utilitycaster]

@rowzeoli replied to your post “Do you think part of the D20 journalistic bias...”:

I rarely go on tumblr so sorry if you see me spamming your posts tonight, but I really enjoy your perspective and thoughts! I think I'm the journalist you're referencing in regards to the Fantasy High Junior Year article and unfortunately 1) journalists only get access to interview subjects at very specific junctions (usually press day before the series goes out or halfway through) 2) most publications are honestly Going Through It and cutting freelance rates and just not paying to cover AP

​So I'll be totally honest - I post on Tumblr because I assume it is far more unlikely to be seen and so I can vent freely (hence the fairly harsh tone of the criticism in the original post), but I guess this is a chance to clarify. I don't expect anything to change, nor do I expect you to respond; indeed, I wouldn't blame you if you block me after this. But if readership is down (and who knows? maybe it's not and I'm the outlier), this may be illuminating.

The issue with your specific article - which I brought up relatively tangential to the larger point of "at this point I think Polygon's AP/TTRPG coverage is a waste of time to read" isn't really that it's only an early look at the series; and because Fantasy High Junior Year is at this time ongoing, it's honestly entirely valid that there hasn't been a follow-up. It's, well, the "surface-level and factually wrong" issue.

Dimension 20 was by no means the pioneer of remote recording as you claim in your article; that had long been the default of smaller recorded AP shows well before pandemic lockdown for the simple reason that if you're not a media company the overhead is very low - no need to have a dedicated space or even cameras beyond decent laptops. Burrow's End's puppetry? Critical Role's Call of Cthulhu: Shadow of the Crystal Palace did shadow puppets in 2019. They had diagetic audio on the main campaign as early as 2016. I don't even like Kollok, but that's had complex set design since 2019. Meanwhile premise of the article is yet another rehash of Polygon's "Dimension 20 is CHANGING THE GAME" constant drumbeat, while your actual pull quotes from Brennan Lee Mulligan are him musing that this is simply an entry in an ancient tradition of storytelling and isn't, in fact, terribly novel. The interview fails utterly to back up your point and indeed contradicts it; I get that the timeline was probably tight but this is outright incorrect in multiple places and your argument isn't just unsupported; it's outright dismissed by the very person you claim is proving it. If the premise came before the interview, it needed to be reworked afterwards, and if it came after the interview…I'm not sure what to say, really.

This isn't your article, and I'm putting it here to illustrate that this has been a pattern for Polygon's AP coverage specifically. This article about Worlds Beyond Number is perhaps my favorite example of "this is not serious journalism:" Rusty Quill Gaming, The Adventure Zone, Friends at the Table, and NADDPod are all theater of the mind long-running podcasts (RQG's campaign lasted a whopping 7 years of real time) and that's just off the top of my head; the idea of a long-running edited audio podcast being novel is laughable. RQG and TAZ both started at level 1; I'm not personally familiar with Friends at the Table. I don't actually think starting at level 1 vs. 2 is terribly important in storytelling in the first place other than that a few D&D classes pick their subclass at L2 and that choice can be narratively relevant, which it was in TAZ; however, some classes pick a subclass at L3 so you can still achieve this with a level 2 start (as Critical Role's second campaign does). Both Emily Axford of NADDPod and Griffin McElroy of TAZ have long been composing their own music and RQG is heavily sound designed. These are not obscure pulls, either; these are some of the more well-known names in the space.

At this point, Polygon AP/TTRPG articles - by multiple different writers - simply feel like madlibs: "(actual play show) is groundbreaking in its (thing that other shows have been doing for 5+ years); I especially liked (visual effect) and (incorrect understanding of TTRPG mechanics)."

The people I allude to in the post you responded to as having egregiously uncharitable and sanctimonious takes on Daggerheart (within, again, hours of its publication) are a frequent Polygon contributor and a Rascal editor and they further my mistrust of those publications: There is this constant insistence that everything they like be "groundbreaking" and "innovating" and they will claim this even when it's demonstrably not the case, as the above examples note. As Mulligan says in your article "it’s important to keep new artists with new experiences and backgrounds flowing in," and yet by focusing intensely on high production values (difficult for smaller indie upstarts to have) and by incorrectly claiming that a well-established media company within the space like D20 invented a number of things it flat out did not, this journalism is actively, if unintentionally, working against that goal. As I put it elsewhere, Polygon's bizarre pedestaling of Dimension 20 and simultaneous putdowns of Critical Role (which turn into wild contortions when D20 mainstays like Mulligan or Aabria Iyengar collaborate with CR; for that matter others besides me have observed that Polygon acts like Spenser Starke is two different people, the genius who created Alice is Missing and the knuckle-dragging moron who put out Candela Obscura and Daggerheart) coupled with the obsession with production values over story has the whiff of claiming they're the champion of the little guy for sticking it to the 700 lb gorilla in the space and then focusing on 500 lb gorillas while making it impossible for smaller monkeys to compete because most brand new shows without the name recognition of someone like Mulligan involved can't exactly hire Rick Perry to do their models or Taylor Moore to do sound design.

I suppose a good way to put this, since I've run into this in many spaces, not just AP/TTRPG or even journalism, is that bias on its own in a subjective medium isn't inherently bad; but if something is so nakedly biased against something I love, I will, naturally, turn to it with a far more critical eye, and if its arguments are not ironclad I'm going to start noticing every structural issue in every argument and every tiny mistake. Sure, as a fan of Critical Role, and as someone who feels that Kollok was nigh-unwatchable and that Burrow's End was promising in parts but deeply flawed, I disagreed with Polygon's nonstop mud-slinging towards the former and glowing, verging on fawning reviews of the latter two. But that's not entirely damning on its own; I do get that not everyone will like Critical Role and that some people will love Kollok or Burrow's End for valid reasons. What's damning is the journalism itself is riddled with factual errors and the analysis is so weak that to call the arguments a flimsy house of cards would be generous. The opposite is also true; if Polygon's lead editor were out here repeatedly misspelling the name of one of the main characters in Worlds Beyond Number (note: this has since been corrected) but the articles had compelling arguments, even ones I disagreed with, I'd be far more forgiving, but as is? It's offering me absolutely nothing: it's poorly researched, it's poorly structured, it's poorly written, it's poorly copy-edited, and it shits on things I like seemingly just for clicks. I'm done giving clicks.

I am deeply sympathetic to the pressures facing digital journalism and media and the arts in general; as someone who is fortunate enough not to personally face those pressures and has the income to be a patron, I would love to help in my small way (and I do, at least, financially support a number of the AP shows I love). But the quality of some of this journalism is truly so bad that I can't bring myself to support the institutions putting it out; it's "dead dove do not eat" until such time as someone whose analysis and opinions I do trust cites them (or, perhaps, until there is a sea change of lead editorship). I know that this won't help the crunch, and may make it worse, but I just can't because the quality is so poor. I don't have a good solution to how to write about something that takes a lot of time to watch and process and about which the articles pay very little in return, but the current strategy of bouncing between uninformed provocateur and utter sycophant depending on the show and creators; of drooling over such surface features as shiny production and falsely claiming everything is "groundbreaking" while getting the most basic facts wrong has driven me away.

[kedreeva]

as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!

Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut

Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!

I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.

Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.

So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.

Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.

I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.

In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).

SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.

I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).

I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).

The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.

But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.

also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.

Good luck out there!

[glitchlight]

10 year mark

[snapdragonling]

ozy/kallux, <1k, post-campaign, rated M for the prompt 'fully clothed x stark naked' + ozykallux for @quaxorascal

It was the little things that made their Selto accommodations so pleasant. Ozy had managed to find a channel on the television that solely played a kind of mellow music called "jazz", and turned the volume up loud enough that he could hear it from the adjacent bathroom.

The shower remained, of course, the pinnacle of the apartment’s amenities. He would have stayed there for hours if he’d not been made aware of the concept of water bills. As it is, every inch of him is scalded red by the time he relents and steps out of the shower.

It ought to be studied, the way running water settled one’s mind. Maybe it had been. Maybe it was a sea elf thing.

He’s humming idly along to the music as he emerges from the bathroom, towelling his hair dry and trying not to bump into anything. It was difficult to build up any muscle memory when they were travelling so often.

“Fuck,” says an appreciate voice off to the side. “What’s the occasion?”

Ozy peers out from under the towel. Kallux was watching him with raised brows, perched on the edge of the couch. He’d clearly just gotten home; his leather jacket was thrown over the coffee table, his keys still in hand.

“Didn’t realise you were back,” Ozy says dryly. “Can a man not walk naked through his own apartment?”

“I think a man should, actually.”

Kallux's eyes rake him up and down, lingering. Ozy’s blood rises from that alone. He stays where he is, towel slung around his shoulders, as Kallux sets the keys aside and stands. He’s entirely unhurried in his approach. Ozy gets the impression he wants him wanting. It’s working.

It’s an effort not to lean in immediately when Kallux stops toe-to-toe with him. He waits instead; watches Kallux tilt his head consideringly, gaze heavy, as he raises a hand to Ozy’s still-damp chest. One finger deliberately circles the bud of his nipple; the sensitive one, half-burned by a demon lord’s handprint.

“You’re in a mood,” Ozy observes mildly, as Kallux’s fingers travel lower, ghosting over his scarred stomach, leaving a trail of gooseflesh across his shower-raw skin. He tries not to shiver.

Kallux snorts. “I wonder who put me there.”

“Shall I walk around like this more often then?” He inhales roughly as Kallux takes him in hand; loses his battle with restraint, finally reaching for Kallux himself, bringing their lips together in a hungry, open-mouthed kiss. Kallux tastes like coffee. He hums his satisfaction when Ozy’s hands skim up under his shirt, even as he strokes Ozy from interested all the way to hard.

“I won’t stop you,” Kallux breathes against his lips. “Might traumatise our friends, though.”

“I fear that ship has sailed.”

Kallux laughs. It’s Ozy’s favourite sound. He lets himself be walked backwards down the hallway, right into the bedroom and onto the bed. Kallux clambers up between his legs, leans forward to kiss his throat, his collarbone, licking the dampness from his chest. Ozy makes a low sound of pleasure at the friction between them; another when Kallux reaches down to touch him again.

They’re both too eager for the usual drawn-out games. Kallux still works him up to it diligently, eyes like two bright coins in the darkness of the bedroom as he watches Ozy groan and flex for him, hair sweaty now where it was only shower-damp before. Then he’s fumbling with the front of his own straining pants and murmuring a raspy “Fuck” under his breath as he pushes in.

It was hotter than it should’ve been, stretched out naked on the bed with Kallux fully clothed between his legs. Or rather: it was as hot as he knew it would be, and they were fools for not doing this more often.

He says as much to Kallux afterwards — curled up in a sweaty tangle of limbs, Kallux’s head resting on his bare chest, Ozy playing absently with his hair. Placid music still filtered down the hallway from the television, a comfortable afterglow soundtrack.

“We can fix that,” says Kallux, rolling to rest his chin atop his folded arms. He leans into Ozy’s hand when he cups his face, thumb tracing the sharp line of his cheekbone. “For the moment, you need another shower. My bad.”

“Oh no,” Ozy deadpans, “I’m devastated, as you can imagine.” And then: “Join me?”

Kallux’s lips quirk into a lopsided smile. “For the water bill? Of course.”

[outpost51]

Camp Day 3

Uh. I sketched Zadimus. Sans the bits I can’t draw yet. That’s about it.

Taglist: @sparatus @thetrashbagswasteland @writernopal @void-botanist

[sidebaxolotl]

I understand you have an ex girlfriend. I was just wondering more about that, and whatever much you're willing to tell (again...without sharing too much you're not comfortable enough). Obviously I'm not asking for details of a certain particular nature, if you catch my drift. I guess I'm just wondering how you fell into that in the first place?

I'm really sorry to even ask, and I want you to know I'm genuinely not judging whatsoever. We can ALL be forgiven, and that includes you and your ex. If anything, I'm curious because you seem SO strong in your side b stance and your faith in ways I really admire and ways I wish I could be! I truly mean nothing more or less than curiosity, and I know that even from a {...secular? Nonreligious? For not knowing the term?} Standpoint, talking about exes is ALWAYS hard so I'm not asking for it from a "personal" point of view completely divorced from faith either. Like I know I keep emphasizing that I don't want you to rehash ANY unnecessary pain or sin or anything, which is ironic of me to say considering I'm the one asking about the ex in the first place...but I really do mean it! I'm not asking it in a confessional way nor in a gossip way. I'm just curious how that relationship happened and how it ended and what you do now to avoid such things happening again.

^but once more, once more, once more, PLEASE no pressure to answer WHATSOEVER if you feel like it would be bad for you or your followers. I know it sounds like I'm prying, but I hope you can believe or at least humor me when I say that's not my intent!

I don't mind talking about it actually! Its not nearly as painful as it used to me, I'm mostly over it.

As to how it started: I genuinely didn't mean for it to--she was the first time I realized I was attracted to women. We became really good friends when we met irl and I didn't realize the feelings I had for her weren't platonic. The one official relationship I had before her was an ldr so I had no idea how people acted in relationships irl or what that was like.

I remember there being a point where I would get really shy and jittery around her and I kept doodling our fursonas cuddling (and kissing though I'd erase it immediately after). I also kinda asked her out without knowing it--that shiz was cringe--i wrote her a letter gushing about our "friendship" while i listened to love songs on repeat.

It took my mentor and my therapist (and mortifyingly enough my parents who are not emotionally perceptive at all) pointing out way after the fact that our dynamic and our feelings resembled more of a relationship than a friendship before I understood.

How it ended: equally as confusing--she became really distant (i suspect she realized what was going on before I did but didn't tell me. Maybe out of shame? fear? Dunno) and I just wanted to know what was wrong and how to fix it. She insisted we become casual friends (which is very weird to say for a FRIENDship) and that hurt me so much after everything we'd been through and how close we were so I told her that we should just stop talking altogether. I only saw her a couple more times irl after that. and I didn't know what to do or what to say so i just avoided her entirely. I legitimately thought she didn't care about me at all so it didn't matter. I found out from a mutual friend that she'd been upset enough to be crying about it--and I regret doing that.

iirc we were a bit off an on after that--we'd reconnect for a bit and then stop talking. I think the last time i talked to her was years ago--she had wanted to be friends again and I refused to let anything happen without us actually talking about everything that transpired between us. She was very flighty when I put my foot down and refused to admit anything and I told her off about all the pain she had caused me. The depression, the meds, etc. She blocked me after that.

Last time I saw her irl was at a mutual friend's wedding and it was very awkward because i was hanging with our mutual friends and she was avoiding me and pretending I didn't exist which sucked. I didn't wanna ruin my friend's wedding by confronting her so i was just kinda really sad and angry. My friends were very understanding and accommodating of my pain tho which was very cool of them.

I didn't come out until like way after that tho because im stupid. I suspect she was trying to protect both of our faiths by doing what she did, so in that sense I don't fault her. It was probably as painful for her as it was for me. But the way she did it was fucking terrible and messed me up for a long time.

She shattered my heart so completely that even in its mostly mended state I don't think I have the capacity to feel that way about someone ever again, I will be completely honest with you. So that's how I unintentionally am able to avoid more situations like that lmao.

Shoutout to like everyone on here that was there for me during that time and tried to help me tho y'all are real ones and I love you <3