#but hoogh it’s been a painful past several months and I’m thankful to be past it all and to also know better on many different things

[peachfruitcake]

Sorry for the inactivity lately, I’ll start updating with my art again soon!!!

Life update which might get a tad tmi and detail-heavy and ranty, but it’s under the cut for those interested! Just glad to have been able to overcome what I did.

November and December’s been super hectic due to me repeatedly ending up sick at home and ending up in the ER til 2 am on Thanksgiving Day lol

And then after that mess I had to spend all of December working 6 days a week to make up for the lost wages to afford rent due to my managers being morons and telling me I had 3 days worth of sick days out of the almost 2 weeks I was forced to stay home bedridden (I found out that that wasn’t true when it was already too late).

And that was Not fun considering it’s me being a cashier at a popular as fuck Asian supermarket. None of the days of medical leave even felt like breaks or time to recharge given how the managers were via text. Also being too sick to move while living independently is hell. Especially when you’re running out of food and need to walk to the store. You really take for granted your parents bringing soup up to your room when you’re in bed sick.

Worked Christmas Eve and day without any prev days off (Christmas Day was the 6th day I had to work in a row) aaand my disability’s been out of wack and it’s been pretty difficult to manage myself and keep myself taken care of. I got audhd and bpd so the worst possible symptoms of both of those kept getting triggered every single fucking day omggg. Landlords were also giving me annoying stupid crap through that so it felt like I was never able to rest (the problem was me not having my boundaries respected and constantly having them breathing down my neck and snooping in my space and constantly knocking on my door for things. Yk how older Asians get. It’s better now, thankfully).

So um yeah after another fuckload of shit happening on the 28th, I had a mental breakdown and rage quit the job!! Without any plan!! Whoops!! Obviously this was an insanely stupid impulsive choice to make, but it was at the point to where I didn’t give a fuck anymore about how I ended up at this point and just wanted to destroy everything 😅😅

So yeah I went into the new years panicking with just around $200 in my bank acc, and $1350 worth of rent to come up with by the 27th of the month to chronically worry about, so I immediately got to work on mass applying to jobs in the area and finding whatever resources were available for me since my parents r too broke to help usually and I don’t see any remaining family as an option since um. My parents probably owe most of them hundreds of dollars lmao!! Hooray for financial irresponsibility!! (I didn’t bother to tell either of them that I quit my job cuz I knew I’d get a doomer brained shouting earful about how I’m ‘guaranteed to miss rent’ and how they ‘can’t help me so I better not ask’. I didn’t need any of that kind of discouragement from anyone.)

Anyways, it’s halfway through the month, and by my own luck and drive I managed to gain myself more than enough to not have to worry about missing a rent payment. I’ve never once missed rent and I’d rather die than experience what that would be like. I already had to experience it when I first moved here due to my mom lying to me about having the first month of rent covered on time to give me time to find a job and it was 2 days of endless hell and soul sucking anxiety.

So yeah I’m in a load of online classes so I can finally finish up the rest of my degree before transferring, I’m financially stable now, I’m not as suicidal anymore and I’m being verbally abused or bullied in a work environment left and right anymore (and I’m rightfully avoiding my parents so I don’t have to deal with the same from either of them), I’m better fed with that post homelessness eating disorder mostly done, I’m in the process of getting psych help with my bpd and yeah I’m slowly getting on top of things again!! I’d say I’m doing pretty good right now! I’m even able to put more time into developing my art skills further and learn and study new topics every day to keep my brain engaged.

Oh, and also, these past few days I thoroughly studied my state’s labor law and drafted a fully cited multiparagraph email complete with screenshot/photo proof to my state’s department of labor over glaring labor code violations at my prev job, so let’s see how that goes. I plan to give them a call soon to make sure I get a case agent assigned to me after a brief check with an attorney. It was a pretty intimidating process since I’ve never dealt with anything law-related, so I’m pretty proud of myself for actually doing something. Also I just really needed the money they owed me.

It kinda blows my mind at how independent and self-driven I’ve become, and I remember being 16 and believing for the longest time that I may not leave my parents’ house til I’m past 30 or ever be able to experience independent living. But here I am! Sure it took 2 traumatic years of being homeless due to my parents losing every house we tried moving into and them going like ‘yea ur on ur own LMAO’, but I feel freer than I ever have. I’ve even figured out a load of government stuff and how the more technical government stuff and programs work since unfortunately I didn’t know shit before.

It kinda sucks sometimes that I don’t have any older adult figures to go to for help or advice on certain things (and every time I’d ask around family all I’d get are shrugs and cluelessness), but at the same time I’m proud of how knowledgeable I’ve managed to become on many different important things. People I know even come to me for advice on policy-related stuff (yk like with gov programs, law, and work etc), and I won’t lie it feels pretty great.

But yep! That’s that. Got a bit ranty and heavy with detail up there, so hope that’s fine. My current plans right now is to finish up college, manage my finances the best I can, develop healthier habits and cope better with my adhdtism/bpd and sleep patterns, study a language further to reach conversational fluency at least, get more involved in irl communities, build more onto my resume and to develop my art skills way more. I’m looking forward for what’s to come!!