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noodlesuseshisnoodle · 3 years ago

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Memory

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Logan and Virgil go over all the things they missed with each other while they were apart and Virgil finds out a bit about Logan's current living situation

Tws/cws: Past pregnancy mention, descriptions of images of severe injury, financial struggle, not eating (from financial struggle)

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Logan knocked on Virgil’s door and waited. After a moment, Virgil opened it. “Hey. Come in.” He stepped aside and let Logan in. “Want anything to drink?”

“What teas do you have?”

“Uh… Chai, mint, orange spice, chamomile, and hibiscus.”

“Orange spice please.”

“Okay” Virgil went to make it. “Feel free to sit wherever, Magic will probably find you and want pets. He’s a good cat.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Logan sat down, and sure enough the black cat showed up and hopped onto his lap with a mrrrow. “Hello” He pet the cat and waited for the tea.

Virgil came back with the tea. “Someone likes you.” He set the tea on a coaster next to Logan. “I’ll be right back.” Virgil went upstairs and came back down with a box. “Okay, so this is all the stuff.’

“Okay.” Logan sat up a bit, still petting Magic. “I found some of my pictures from after we parted and brought them as well..”

“You did?” Virgil sat down and set the box between them.

Logan nodded and looked at the box. “So… ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Virgil took a deep breath and opened the box. Right on top was the last picture of the two of them together. “Wow, we’ve both changed a lot.”

“And we both have a lot more scars now than we did back then.”

“Yeah.” Virgil moved the picture and lifted another one up. “This is from the day I told my parents my name. One week before I found out I was pregnant.”

“Wow.” Logan looked at the picture and then at Virgil.

“Oh my god, I put the pregnancy test in here?” Virgil picked it up and sighed. “Wow, I can almost feel how terrified I was when I first saw those two lines.”

Logan watched him look at the stuff and leaned closer when Virgil pulled out a sonogram image. He gently took it from Virgil and looked at it, reading the date written on the bottom before looking up at Virgil again. “What are the odds we would have run into each other again?”

“I don’t know, probably pretty low, but I’m glad we did.”

“Me too. I don’t want to lose you again.” Logan said honestly.

Virgil nodded and pulled out some pajamas. “I seriously forgot about most of what I put in here.”

“What clothes are those?”

“The pajamas I was wearing when I went into labor. And here’s my tag from the hospital.” he pulled a plastic wristband out. “I think Angelina and Kylie have Erin’s.” Virgil pulled out a few more of the miscellaneous pregnancy products he had used to help him not be so miserable and then finally found the pictures of him holding Erin right after she was born. She was swaddled and had a little pink hat on. “I forgot how tiny she was. I think I looked at my dad while holding her and said ‘She was that big of a pain in my ass and she’s this tiny?��” Virgil chuckled a bit.

Logan looked at the picture and hummed a bit, each picture and random item in the box was like a smack in the face. "Mind if I show my stuff?”

“Go for it.” Virgil nodded a bit.

Logan pulled some pictures out of his bag. “This is from my graduation.” He showed a picture of him holding his diploma in it’s embossed maroon diploma cover. In the picture, he was still in his cap and gown, the tassel on the left side, showing that he had just completed the ceremony. He found another one that was of him walking on the stage to receive his diploma cover, since the actual diplomas themselves were passed down the rows by teachers after that row had walked the stage. “After I got home from project graduation, I came out to my parents as a trans woman. I went by Lana for about two years and took estrogen for four months before I realized that I was wrong.” He showed a picture of him with a bob haircut, a blouse, and blue jeans, wearing light makeup. “So I detransitioned before I realized that I am actually gender fluid. So I came out again. My parents were amazing at supporting me.” Logan found another picture and gasped. “This is the picture my family used to try and find me while I was missing.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” he grabbed another picture and bit his lip. “If I show you a graphic image, will it upset you?”

“No.”

“This is me right after I got rescued. You can also see Roman and Remus in the background.” Logan showed Virgil the picture. He was covered from the waist down with a sheet and there were a lot of bloody gashes on his chest and what looked like a few bullet wounds and burns, some of which looked infected. There were also gashes all along his nose and he had a split lip, busted eyebrow, and a bunch of scrapes and bruises. The twins looked pretty similar in terms of injuries.

“Oh my god. You look dead.”

“I was on the verge of death. I don’t even remember being in the hospital, other than some random moments when treatment hurt so much, I couldn’t not feel it. I was on a mind numbing mixture of painkillers and antibiotics. I don’t even remember seeing my parents for the first time after I was rescued. All I know is what I was told. Apparently my mother cried when she saw me, immediately knowing I’d never be the same. She couldn’t believe that anyone would do what was done to me, and it scared her that I was in such a condition. I think I kept begging to die, I’m not really sure. All I know is that death certainly would have been easier for me alone. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been for my parents to deal with the fact that I’ve been irreparably tortured, that I’ll be in constant pain for the rest of my life, that I’ll always have a limp, and probably have random muscle spasms until I die. What would be easier? Dealing with the fact that your child will almost always be suffering, or having to look at their body and tell the authorities that that is the body of your child, one you’re never going to see again? Maybe Cupid's family was lucky that they didn’t have to see her suffer. That they didn’t have to help her through chronic injuries, or wake up in the middle of the night to her screaming at the memories.”

Virgil was getting a bit freaked out by how Logan was talking. “Logan, hey. I’m sure living is worth it, your parents at least get the reassurance that they’ll see you again, that you’re still kicking. You survived, you endured, and I can see that you’ve been getting better.”

“But I’m never really okay. I look at myself and see an alien landscape of scars that will never go away, a body that will never be what it once was.”

He sighed a bit. “But you’re still amazing, and trustworthy, and an astounding teacher, and you’re so incredibly brave.”

“But am I brave? All the articles about me either call me a LBGT warrior or make me out to be another poor sap who fell victim to violent hate crime. I can’t tell if they’re battle scars or reminders that people like me aren’t widely accepted.”

“Why did you start teaching?” Virgil changed the subject a bit.

“Because I love it, I love to be an educator. And those kids need a positive role model, especially the queer kids. It’s good to have positive cishet role models, and that does help pave the road to acceptance, but teens almost never see a positive queer role model, and I want to make a difference for them.”

“I’d say you’re a warrior. The fight isn’t pleasant, and it hits some people harder than others. We’re all fighting that battle. The things that happened to us should never happen to anyone, especially not people like us just because we exist.”

“I can’t even provide for myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a teacher in severe medical debt. And I made the dumb decision to rent an apartment on top of that, and I have bills to pay.”

“When did you last eat?”

“Two days ago.”

“Logan…” Virgil was pretty concerned. “Okay, we’re changing that. Dietary restrictions?”

“I don’t eat meat. Not anymore.”

“Okay.” Virgil went into his kitchen and made some pasta for Logan and brought him a protein shake. “You don’t owe me a thing for this, got it? Eating isn’t a luxury, and everyone deserves food. I can make a casserole or something that lasts and give it to you.”

“You really don’t have to do this-”

“Yes I do. Now shut up, and eat. Forgoing food isn’t going to help you be less stressed. Maybe you should end your lease and stay with someone while you get back on your feet. Hell, I don’t mind chipping in, maybe you can make a gofundme or something.”

“I shouldn’t have to be reliant on other people-”

“Logan. You’re starving yourself because you can’t afford food. You’re overworked and underpaid, I think it’s perfectly justified to need help. It’s not your fault that you have all that stuff to pay.”

“I don’t want my parents to worry more about me than they need to.”

“I’m pretty sure they’d be worried if they found out that you’re not eating because you can’t afford to eat and pay rent.”

“But-”

“No, Logan. Just… eat and try to wind down some. I just want to help you.” Virgil looked at Logan.

“I didn’t know you cared this much.”

“I never stopped caring.”

“You didn’t?”

“No, of course not.”

Logan took a bite and then hugged Virgil. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Virgil held Logan until Logan let go of him. “And if you want, I have some melktert in the fridge.” He remembered when his family had introduced Logan to the South African dessert for the first time and how quickly Logan came to love it.

“It’s been forever since I’ve had some.” Logan laughed a bit.

“Okay, finish that pasta and then I’ll bring some.”

“Since when did you act like a dad?”

“Don’t make me feel old. My joints do that enough already.”

“You think your joints hurt?”

“Okay, we don’t need a who’s-suffering-more battle.”

“Okay, okay.” Logan ate the pasta and had the protein shake.

Once Logan was done, Virgil took the bowl and the shake bottle into the kitchen and came back with two small plates with melktert on them.

"Thank you."

"It's not a problem. Do you want me to tell the others about your problem so that we can hopefully get you more food?"

"That sounds acceptable. And I'll make that gofundme to help me pay them off faster."

"Okay." Virgil texted everyone and told them that Logan was financially struggling, couldn't afford food, and didn't eat meat while Logan set up his gofundme and created his fundraiser.

#we are not broken #we are not broken sanders sides au #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #patton sanders sides #transmasc patton sanders sides #virgil sanders sides #transmasc virgil sanders sides #janus sanders sides #enby janus sanders sides #logan sanders sides #roman sanders sides #remus sanders sides #sanders sides

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years ago

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2020 overview: writing edition

Tagged by the one and only @i-lovethatforme!!!

Tagging: oh god, I never know who’s done tag games. Please, please, please start your year off right by reflecting on your accomplishments! If you want to play, I tag you!

1. List of works published this year

For the Spideychelle fandom:

Multi-chapter fics: The Achilles Kneel | Boyfri(endgame) | For Now, We May Remain Silent | That Floaty Feeling | Wavetide

Thotumn: In Over His Headboard | The Man in the Spoon | Unhallowed Arts

Holiday fics: With Zero Power | Schwarzenegger Holiday | Do You Tree What I Tree?

For The Queen’s Gambit:

Miscellaneous:

Scuffed Souls (for The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel)

All the Belles and Whistles (for Bridgerton)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

Easy! For Now, We May Remain Silent is the longest, most involved fic I’ve ever written. 178k over 8 months, inching line-by-line through my copy of Pride and Prejudice to hit every moment of plot and character development as I translated everything for the MCU. A ton of work, but extremely rewarding. It was a project that brought me so much joy.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

Ouch lol Terrible question. I think you have to be proud of everything you write, if only for the fact of putting in the effort to create it.

4. A favourite excerpt of your writing

Because my Pride and Prejudice AU is in my head now (and always), this, from the studio scene in For Now, We May Remain Silent:

Here are her paintbrushes, disorganized and held in the loose grip of big, old coffee cans. The brushes rattle when Peter runs his finger over their handles, the faded red bristles spinning. A thick, flat brush with discoloured yellow bristles might be his favourite. Glancing over his shoulder, he furtively strokes the uneven hairs with his thumb. They all have this well-used quality that makes his chest clench confusingly. Michelle’s been living a whole life with these in her hand, he thinks, and I don’t know anything about it.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

This is now a post about For Now, We May Remain Silent with minor acknowledgement of everything else I wrote this year because the best answer to this one is: every comment on the final chapter of that fic. Those are my feel-good comments and I treasure them. Not only were the people who read it so kind in their reviews, it also meant SO much that they’d read that massive fic and had enough thoughtfulness and stamina left at the end to say something nice to me about it. That one’s always going to be a journey that a bunch of us took together, and I have the comments to prove it! It’s so special to me!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

February.

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

LOL There are classier answers to this, but I wrote Peter, MJ, and Brad gettin’ it on in my second-ever threesome fic, Unhallowed Arts! Did not think I’d ever be going down that road again, and it went fine!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year

I learned a lot about my work ethic and the difference between writing for passion and writing for expectation.

9. How do you hope to grow next year

By writing whatever the fuck I want. Jumping fandoms. Letting my stories get messier and fighting the easy option of a neat ending.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)

I’m having a “what can I say about @spiderman-homecomeme?” moment that feels very Mean Girls, but instead of discussing her Japanese car commercials in a tone of bitter jealousy, all the good things I could say just make me want to cry. G has really been here for me this year and it feels like we’ve known each other a long, long time. She’s encouraging and patient and hilarious and lets me get away with the WORST euphemisms. I really admire her talent and warmth.

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year

Oooh! In find light, I wrote a happy ending that didn’t involve characters staying together, but recognizing that it was better for them to be apart. I write a lot of romance—so much romance!—but most of what I write is not reflective of my actual experience of love. This fic is, and that made it one of my favourites to write.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

I wrote this in a post not too long ago, but lower your word count goals! I no longer sit down and tell myself I need to write 500 or 1000 words. I just go for 12. Such a small number of words is far less daunting to build upon. Write 12, then 12, then another 12! You’ll get to 100 words and beyond with so much less pressure.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

I plan nothing, just fall from one thing into the next, so my single goal at the moment is to finish my Bridgerton fic, All the Belles and Whistles!

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

Um, excuse me, all of them. I really was going to pick one, but I honestly love everything I write. That’s why I’m still writing.

15. End of Year word count

It’s somewhere between 510k-520k.

#about me #tag game #my writing #For Now We May Remain Silent

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tothedarkdarkseas · 5 years ago

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This is entering all sorts of dangerous territory, but what do you think Murdoc's Stu-centric fantasies look like? Like, we're talking the whole range here: casual, vanilla (by Murdoc's standards) to Murdoc's deepest, darkest desires.

I’m sorry for going after hours in the morning, my sleep schedule’s a bit funky right now (I’d imagine many of us are losing the concept of a schedule!)

Behind a cut for some sexual conversation, but spoiler alert: it’s not actually all that explicit or interesting, as I’m kind of boring about these guys!

As I’ve mentioned in the past-- and again, I apologize if these answers seem repetitive, I’m like a little kid who enjoys nearly the same dinner every night and likes to watch the same movie, I have a preferred version of the characters and I don’t really get tired of ‘em-- Murdoc’s primary desire is Stu himself. Much like his ability to take the world spitting on him and use it as a degradation kink, I think Murdoc’s made things easier on himself by putting Stu on a pedestal sexually, if in no other way. Murdoc is definitely under no illusions that Stu’s a perfect guy, or even a particularly good guy, but he’s successfully eroticized even Stu’s failings. Having a big cock but being ungentle as a lover? He doesn’t just put up with that, he craves that. Stu’s aversion to Murdoc himself, Stu’s insults, even Stu’s denial sets Murdoc up for a bit of entertainment. Honestly, even when they fight about it and Murdoc sincerely veers into wounded cruelty, I do reckon Murdoc likes that push-and-pull; he likes the threat that every time could be the last time, and likes the aggressive resentment when it isn’t.

So with that in mind, Murdoc’s Stu-centric fantasies run the gamut from reality to nonsense. I think there’s very little that Murdoc wouldn’t be game for in most situations, and doubly so if Stu’s involved, so there are a rare few things that qualify as “erotic fantasies” that he wouldn’t at least give some thought to. Still, I’m a bit boring and I don’t necessarily have a lot of interest in highly specific kinks projected on them... I prefer Murdoc just being responsive in a really innate, carnal way over small individual elements, betraying just how entirely hung-up on Stu he is. It’s not that he he goes crazy for something as tame as hair-pulling in Ampersands, for instance, it’s that Stu’s hand in his hair is holding him there, and that hand is just so big, and it’s so humiliating to be put on his knees, and it’s Stu doing that for him, and so on and so on. The implications of the miscellaneous sexual behavior combine with the actual physical feeling, which is nice enough alone, and that’s where I think Murdoc turns into a bit of a starved animal for Stu. I... also might have a recurring thing about teeth, or choking, or fingers in mouths, none of it designed to be deeply erotic from Stu in that moment, but feeling deeply erotic to Murdoc because it puts Stu in such a dominant position over him. Choking goes without saying, but I think Murdoc’s fantasized about Stu holding his jaw open for a painful amount of time, fingers on the backs of his molars, checking his teeth like a show-dog. It’s not necessarily just about the physical association of Stu putting something in his mouth, but about how dehumanizing it is. And it’s Stu. At the end of the day, what it always comes back to is “it’s Stu.”

I’m sure Murdoc would enjoy much heavier BDSM from Stu, but while I might see Stu as “dominant” in his ways, I definitely don’t see Stu as “a dom” or having any real knowledge or interest in doing all that work for Murdoc. That in itself is probably part of the fantasy for Murdoc, how little Stu cares about making things good for him or “taking care” of him the way actual proper participants in that subculture do. But I think Murdoc’s equally happy with the fantasy of Stu the mechanic or Stu the footballer, things Stu can play to more easily and things he can get a little glimpse of in their downtime. When they’re dropping acid in Ibiza, or touring an album in Germany, or hosting a festival in the mud with culturally insensitive tents, Murdoc can and does adjust his fantasy to stay relevant because... it’s just about Stu, really. He’d like to be involved, but he’d like just as much to be a voyeur to Stu’s fuck-holiday. He’d like Stu to shag him in a dirty bathroom as much as he’d like to watch Stu from outside the tent, and then be told to clean it up.

This is a problematic thing to say maybe, but also, full honesty... if this is cis Murdoc, his #1 erotic fantasy involving Stu is just himself having a cunt. Ignoring the actual gender questions or desires that I do think make a confusing and unnerving backdrop of noise in his head, he’s just hitting mute on all that, Murdoc has intense private fantasies about having vaginal intercourse with Stu. Blame Black Mirror and Danni for this as well but it’s... whew. It’s something. I suppose as far as deepest desires go, that’d be it for “my” version of Murdoc.

Sorry if this isn’t quite what you’re looking for! As I said, I don’t really reckon Murdoc is a man of many standards and there are plenty of things, including controversial stuff, that I’m sure he could rub one out to. My favorite scenarios are just a little more muted and tethered to their... er, complicated relationship dynamic.

#nsft #2doc///#sorry to post this at 8am!#Anonymous #headcanon posts

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dlamp-dictator · 5 years ago

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Allen Summarizes His Total Warhammer 2 Experience

So, I’ve been playing Warhammer 2 for about 60 hours now. That’s not enough time to play every race and warlord in depth, but it’s enough to get a good idea of things. I’ve played a little bit of everyone save for the Dwarves and Vampires, and I only got a handful of the DLC, namely the stuff for all the default races. Anyway, here’s the general experience I’ve gotten:

The Empire

The Empire is a well-rounded faction that covers just about everything. The only they lack is monster units... unless we count the Steam Tank. They’re pretty good at any level or point of the game.

Much like Hyde from Under Night though, their simplicity does not make them easy. Properly using the Empire to it’s fullest requires you to actually think about your unit composition and positioning. I personally find that either going for heavy on infantry or range works. Either a lot of infantry with some archer support, or a lot of archers with some spears guarding them. Having a cavalry unit or two on the side to flank or finish off the infantry helps too.

And much like Cao Cao’s Three Kingdoms campaign, the Empire’s ““““Easy”””” starting difficulty is literally the first province and that’s it. From that point on you’re surrounded by stingy Elector Counts, cagey Frenchmen, incomprehensible Dwarves, and Skarsnik. Expand east and you’ve got deal with Vampire. Go south and you’ve got Orcs, the Border Princes, and even Dwarves if you aren’t careful with your relations. Go north and you have NORDLAND to deal with, and then the relentless Chaos after that. And Sigmar help you if Bretonnia get’s Marienburg first, because there goes your economy heartland.

Also, your daily reminder that Nordland are DICKS.

The Greenskins

The Greenskins are like Azrael from Blazblue: Big, hard-hitting, recklessly aggressive, and only requires single brain cell to use effectively. At least on easy and normal difficulty.

I’m not joking, 10 units of Orc Boyz, some archers, and maybe a cavalry unit or two will utterly clean house in most battles, at least in the early game. I barely needed to work in order to win my fights until I ran into the Dwarves.

I’ve got mixed feelings about the Fightiness mechanic. On one hand, it really helps you get into character as the Greenskins and encourages more reckless smashing and stacking to get an entirely free full-stack army. On the other hand, after playing the Empire I am very use to slowly advancing, planning my steps, and carefully looting a handful of areas while I work on infrastructure, which clashes with the greenskins’ rush army playstyle.

I’m never able to get past midgame with these guys because of it, and I really want to get there. It’s honestly fun being able to play this game without worrying too much about infrastructure and logistics.

The High Elves

Here’s a completely accurate image of Allen playing the High Elves:

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I’m not joking. A solid line of Lothern Seaguard, a line of archers in the back, and you will blot the sun itself with arrows. These guys are the zoners of Warhammer, like Hilda from Under Night, but with arrows instead of swords.

Unless you’re playing as a buffed-up Tyrion. Then you’re playing Wagner, and it requires just as little thinking.

I honestly haven’t played much of the high elves. I don’t really care for them and getting through the islands are kind of a pain. Aside from the MASSIVE archer fire I didn’t have much fun with them. Though I know the basic generals can get DRAGON MOUNTS, so maybe I’ll try again after this 100-turn Empire run I’m doing.

The Lizardmen

Just have an ancient Kroxigor as your general and they’ll do 80% of the work.

Okay, in all seriousness, the Lizardmen get some pretty powerful units in the early game between the army-destroying Kroxigor generals and slightly overpowered Saurus Warriors. It comes at the cost of Saurus warriors being expensive as hell, but almost worth it.

The spawning pools can give you some ridiculously good units with little to no cost, which is just wild depending on the army composition.

Haven’t played around with the flying units yet, but it’s pretty fun time all around.

If I were to compare to a fighting game character, I’d say their like Merkava from Under Night In-Birth. They’ve got a lot of good tools and strategies, but it just comes down how much you’re willing to deal with some of their wonkier mechanics like the Geopanels, spawning pools, and early-game cost.

The Darks Elves

If the High Elves are Hilda, then the Dark Elves are Gordeau. Extremely offensive, extremely powerful, but can’t really play defensive, or at least not catered to doing so. And with Murderous Prowess you really need to get in there and fight.

I thought the Warhammer community was just meme-ing, but no, 5 Sisters of Slaughter units really can do 90% of work, at least on the lower difficulties.

Apparently, having Harpies in your army is a really big-brain power move in the Warhammer community. After seeing them shred a Chaos artillery unit I can see why.

I was surprised how peaceful Malekith’s campaign was at first... and then I confederated with a faction and everything went to hell.

Seriously, confederation is some bad civ man, at least for the Elves. I ran into the same issue in my Tyrion campaign too. I confederate, realize all too late that my ally didn’t build anything in his province and left themselves (and by extension, my new flank) helpless as other filthy troglodytes make war on my new property thanks to the power move lowering my reputation all around the board.

The Skaven

I have no fighting game comparison for the because nothing in fighting games should reward mindless mashing like the Skaven spams its slaves and clanrats.

Seriously, I can never get past the early game with this faction, it just feels too brainless to really use properly. I know their mid and late-game stuff it pretty good, but this early game is just... too mindless for me.

Also, as much as I like the idea of the Under Empire, very few of the campaigns really had it in mind save for Ikit Claw. It just doesn’t make sense for the other warlords given their enemies, goals, and locations.

Other Small Notes From Allen

Naturally, I can cover every race and faction in 60 hours, so here’s a quick rundown of the more miscellaneous things:

The Vampires seemed really cool until I realized they didn’t have ranged option. Then they became unplayable.

The Dwarves also seemed really cool until I realized they didn’t have cavalry. I know they have war machines, but even the Skaven have Doomwheels as a work around. Maybe the Dwarves can get some steampunk-styled tank to ram into enemy flanks? The Empire has them, so why not the Dawi?

Mannfred von Carstein can suck Karl Franz’s Imperial nuts with his cavalry spamming armies that somehow got 8 units of armored cavalry right out of his ass with his pitiful economy and sacked lands. It’s like he knew most of my armies consisted of archers and only a handful of spear units.

On that note, Nordland can also suck Karl Franz’s Imperial nuts with how much their being dicks. Apparently the lore says they hate the Empire because of Gelt pranked the Elector of Nordland too hard and he couldn’t take a joke, but I wish Gelt just offed the guy while touring the countryside because these people just won’t give me military access as 40 turns of being nice and being at war with the Greenskins invading their lands.

I’d honestly play as Bretonnia if their peasantry mechanic didn’t make me think I was playing Civilization 5 again. Civ 5 is a good game, but I can’t do logistics and conquer the world at the same time, no matter how stupid strong the cavalry is.

I understand how the DLC works, but I don’t agree with it. Ten-dollar DLC every three to four months a year sounds fair for a 60-dollar game that has hundreds of hours of replay value, but I wish they had DLC packs for those of us that got to the party late. Like, just pay an extra 30 bucks and get all the DLC from last year or something like that. The current model does works for the dedicated fans, but us stragglers really feel burned.

Anyway, that’s really it for my quick thoughts. Magical Girl Raising Project: Joker came in the mail last night, so I’ll be reading that for most of today. Anyway, see you folks later!

#warhammer #total war warhammer 2 #your dictator is speaking

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talix18 · 5 years ago

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November 2

I just want a word processing program. I'm not trying to be difficult. A word processing program that will estimate for me how many words I've written. Which requires a computer Operating System to run said program, preferably with an Internet connection in case there are updates to said program. The computer on which I'm typing this is an unknown number of years old. I know I got it when my ex lived with me, and he's been dead for several years.

That's a hazard of loving people in recovery, especially from drug addiction as opposed to alcoholism. The drugs out there are not those of your elders and they are nowhere near as forgiving of overdoses. My ex became my ex when he relapsed. A couple of years later he got some fentanyl with his heroin and it killed him. Drugs are bad, mmkay?

Anyway, the computer. I am...working with an OS that's 10 years old and have 6 gigs of RAM. (That's before I stuck my 2 gig thumb drive in to use as extended memory.) I'm clearly fighting hard for something to write about here. I'd rather get this done early in the day so I don't have to dread it, but writing about myself is almost as tedious as being myself.

Today is a good day, so far. I made it out the door to yoga and got my eyebrows done on the way home. Eyebrow waxing is my only consistent beauty practice. I'd like to keep up with my hair and not just put it up wet every day but let's face it – I'm stingy with my time and money and can't commit to something eight weeks from now. My hair is going gray and makes me look my actual age, which I alternately don't care about and am horrified by. Now I have extra guilt doing home color – my adopted niece graduated from Paul Mitchell hair school and would happily accept my money for getting to practice on my head, but she's located just far enough away to be inconvenient.

Plus getting out of bed is hard enough. I'll gladly take 15 extra minutes to check the Internet that will still be there when I get to work over putting on make-up and drying my hair. Is this about depression, laziness, or feminist resistance to society's expectations? I'd like to have fun with my appearance and my wardrobe but dammit – do I have to start so bless-ed early in the morning?

(This whole “early in the morning thing” is BS, by the way. I learned how quickly I can get myself showered, dressed, and out the door at my most depressed and now resist any attempt to plan further in advance.) Yes, I want to look nice in pictures but I don't want to do the work necessary to achieve that.

This is a theme in my life – there's a lot of things I want to do and be without taking any of the steps that might lead me in the correct direction. Sometimes it's a question of not knowing what those steps might be. Recovery has blessed me with the crazy notion of finding someone who has (or knows how to do) something you want (to know how to do) and ask them how they did it. I'm not sure if this is as mind-blowing to everyone as it was to me. It may be one of those things that falls into the category of “it feels like I missed some fundamental How To Be A Person class that everyone else took.”

This is a common feeling among recovering people. None of us feels like we fit in; everyone else knows something we don't; we are missing some fundamental quality that would have made life fall neatly into place. (Which brings me to the topic of the people who just needed to put the drugs down and be pointed in a productive direction vs. people who are still disasters clean. Guess which group I fall into.) Which reminds me! Last night the Internet gave me the link to an article in Oprah's magazine that describes the midlife-crisis currently hitting the women of Generation X. So this here writing project? Completely unnecessary. But I've set this challenge for myself and I love no motivation like shame and guilt. So I'll keep writing and see what I end up with.

Where was I? Oh – the things I want without wanting to do the work to get them. I've always wanted to play guitar but only enough to take a handful of lessons. My last attempt was valiant – I bought myself a beautiful guitar and showed up pretty consistently for group lessons at a friend's house. After a few months, there was pain in my strumming arm almost constantly. Especially painful were things like gripping the scoop I use to clean litter boxes, which is a thing I try to do every day. I went through physical therapy twice before the pain went away, and it's still not completely gone. My intention is to go to the adorable guitar shop where I bought my guitar (where they also give lessons) and ask someone (who knows how to do something I want to know how to do) if there is a way I should be doing it differently. That has been my intention for many months now.

What is it? What is the problem? 1. Think of a thing to do. 2. DO THE THING. That's it, right? There's not some 1.5 secret step I'm missing? There must be. Unless this is that executive function thing they talk about? There are the things I know I want to do (currently: clearing out yet more of my wardrobe so I can get rid of my TWO broken dressers [why do I have two broken dressers?] and acquire a new piece of storage for my clothing; taking my books off the bookshelves so they can be moved and I can get new flooring and also get rid of some books)(besides the regular stuff like exercise and eat foods that make me look and feel good and learn how to program and garden and oh maybe clean my damn house) and there is the crushing lack of motivation and energy.

(I'm thinking this whole NaNoWriMo thing coincided with an increase in the dosage of one of my meds which has given me a temporary “up” sensation? Like I sat through my laptop trying to repair itself so I could write rather than wandering off and doing something [or nothing] else. Honestly, me getting a thing done sooner rather than later is not a thing. I still haven't emptied the litter boxes from yesterday.)

(It occurs to me at this point to wonder if my expectations aren't set unrealistically high. Hi, my name is Teri and I was in Gifted & Talented classes and was told I had Such Potential, and have done no impressive or soul-fulfilling thing with my life. Welcome to my expectations. Not to mention this existential dread that I didn't even have words for until college when I took philosophy and learned that existentialism is a thing. This is my ONE opportunity to be alive and ultimately the only rules are those I choose to follow and This is what I've done with it? This is my life?)

(Which brings me to capitalism, specifically late-stage capitalism. I was born to the grandchildren of farmers and immigrants without the financial means to pick and choose which hobbies would distract me from my inescapable death. I watched my mother survive two divorces and [unbeknownst to myself] decided that I would be able to take care of myself. I wouldn't depend on anyone else for lodging or food or miscellaneous entertainments; I would do it myself. [This has a lot to do with why I am Single. Unmarried. Don't get too close – you may offer to take care of me and I might weaken and let you and then my guard will be down and then life will have me where it wants me.]

Late-stage capitalism. In which I, a consumer, trade my time and energy for money, which I then trade for comfort, convenience, and distraction from the awareness of my inescapable death. Knowing that, sooner or later, NONE OF THIS WILL MATTER bumps up against my desire to look younger and be attractive and matter in some absolute sense. I have a “safe” government job [thanks, Dad] with good insurance which is a Big Deal when you have a chronic condition like mental illness. I have a small home, a car that's paid for and still runs, and two cats for whom I am responsible. That there are no children is partly on purpose; partly because I never wanted to be a single mom, and partly because I didn't meet their other parent while I was young and foolish enough to consider parenting.)

Where was I? Expectations. In recovery, expectations are set-ups for resentments. Hmm. I may have to think about that. If nothing matters, expectations are silly. There are no shoulds. There Is No Way To Derive An Ought From An Is. (My favoritest of all the things I learned in philosophy.) Except that my best idea, recreational drug use, got me in legal trouble, put everyone else at risk, and (now that they know about it) makes my loved ones worry about my health and well-being. So it benefits all of us that I remain clean. And it increases the likelihood that I'll stay clean if I treat my mental illness, which requires (in this ever more dystopian hellscape) money and/or insurance. Which requires a job. Which is easier to maintain if I have a safe place to sleep and food and clothing. All of which requires effort to maintain. We haven't even mentioned recycling and volunteering and staying informed about the current state of the ever more dystopian hellscape. There are a lot of plates to keep spinning, despite the fact that eventually they are all going to shatter and it won't ultimately matter to anyone who will endure. (Existentialism is heavy.)

But haha! Daily word count achieved! Now I can get my active minutes in (exercise boosts both physical and mental health) and figure out how much time I have before I need to be where I'm supposed to be next. Because social activities and meetings make living more meaningful. Lather, rinse, repeat.

#nanowrimo #f**k fifty

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harmoniouspixels · 6 years ago

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The State of The Simblr, 2019 Edition & Queue Announcement

The update in which I pretend to be Cool(tm) by paralleling the State of the Union (or a State of the State) Address. But really, it’s talking about what saves are staying, going, coming up, and an upcoming queue. This is a long post, so it’ll be tagged with “long post” if you want to blacklist that for the moment.

Saves - TS2

Crystal Valley. Staying, and will continue to be update infrequently. I think I solved my rotational aging issues, so you’ll see the gay elves throughout the year.

Widespot sans CC. Very infrequent updates. I played it back in November as a bit of a pallet cleanser, but I do want to keep it around for that reason. Playing with little CC, following wants, and free-ranging the sims was fun.

Mason Black’s Monster Mash. Will continue as a Dreamwidth exclusive. There’s just something about DW that gives me late 2000s nostalgia, especially in regards to sims challenges. These updates will come out as I feel like playing/updating the save.

Uberhood. Discontinued/infrequent updates? I dunno, something about having so many sim households to play stresses me out, and I haven’t played in months... perhaps I’ll try to make that casual as well.

Sykes Legacy. TBD. I know I picked it back up, but I don’t know if it’ll become another mainstay. Time will tell.

Saves - TS3

Gardner Family. Will continue. Despite it almost being a year later, I’m moving the Gardners to my desktop! More on this later in the post.

Aytes Family - TS3 Edition. Discontinued. I haven’t touched the save in months, and honestly I don’t know why I felt compelled to post it? It was actually an incredibly self-indulgent self-sim save (yes, you read that right) from 2016. Ever wonder why you only saw Australia and his kids, and no partner? Now you know. Actually, I realized I last updated this in 2017, but this post is serving as a cache twenty-two of all saves.

Greene Family. Discontinued/Irregular posting. See above: I haven’t touched this since 2017. If I do feel inspiration to play, I’ll post it here.

Evans Legacy. Will continue with irregular posting. This is a very casual legacy save, hence the irregular posting. I’ll be keeping on it, however, so you can expect to see Pandora, Pepper, and their brood in the new year.

Newton LEPacy. Will continue. It’ll be four years strong in July, but we’re keeping on with it! The interest with this comes and goes, but I’m not letting Mary Newton down by giving up.

Future MM/BC Projects. Hopefully summer things. More on those later in the year.

Saves - TS4

Not So Berry. Will continue. I’m seeing this challenge through to the end! I’ve had a lot of fun with this, since its had me do things I don’t normally do, or what I do (but with a twist.)

Aytes Family. Doesn’t really have any bearing? I want to make some character information posts for them, but I don’t know if they’ll have any major posts here.

I think that does it for TS4 posts? I don’t really have any big TS4 saves I post here other than miscellaneous saves here and there.

Miscellaneous

Backups on Dreamwidth. Progressing, but slowly. I’m busy, and it takes a lot of time to put stuff up on DW, so it’ll go up, but at a very slow rate.

Upcoming Queue - Friday and Part of Saturday

Featuring the Gardners! I’m hoping to set them up on my desktop here tonight, but I wanted to post the screenshots I haven’t posted yet. Hope you’ll enjoy it.

#psa #text #jack speaks #blog update #long post

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shadowsong26fic · 6 years ago

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Sup

It occurs to me that I keep forgetting to do Coming Attractions posts, whoops...will try to remember for August, but here’s an informal one while I’m thinking about it.

Behind the cut I talk Precipice, AU Outlines, and a few other miscellaneous projects I have potentially in the pipeline...

Next Precipice chapter--plan is this weekend at some point. More with Saw and Ahsoka and Rex and also there was a whole, y’know, bombing thing that happened on Coruscant, and certain interested parties probably have Opinions on the subject...

Not 100% sure how long this arc is going to be. I’m shooting for I think ten-twelve chapters? So not an uberlong one like Part 4 was.

After this, there will be the as-yet untitled Part 7, which will take place after a three-year timeskip. Among other fun plot points, Leia has a key milestone to meet...

Following Part 7, right now the game plan is to split off into a second fic/sequel, working title Protectors, the first arc of which will (probably) be called Escalation. There’s a couple reasons for this.

There’s a much longer timeskip in play here; six years.

If you’re counting my timeline, you can probably guess where that’ll take us and ergo reason 2.

Also, this fic is...like, super a whole lot longer than I ever thought it would be???? It would not surprise me if the rest of Reunion plus Part 7 brings me to 200k. I’m not going to specifically aim for that, necessarily, but. You know.

My original goal, back in January, was to be done with Arc 7 by the end of August. That’s...that’s pretty clearly not gonna happen at this point (updates have been much slower than planned, plus I’ll be travelling for a few weeks...) But I should be done by the end of the year, and then on to Protectors!

AU outlines--I have a couple in the pipeline.

Let’s Go Steal a Crossover background went up...heh, like two months ago whoops...I keep getting stuck on who to sic them on, though. Everyone I can think of is either too important or dead or both...

...honestly, part of me is just tempted to, rather than a full-on Outline, do a couple of brief vignettes/drabbles so I don’t have to pick that right away and I can get out some of the stuff I already have in mind. I.e., the two teams crashing into one another...IDK, thoughts?

The California Gold Rush/Mask of Zorro Fusion AU No One One Person Asked For. Because the only way to make the PT Trio Even MORE Extra(tm) is by making them straight-up masked vigilantes in 1840s California.

(This will, incidentally, end in an Anakin-centered vee.)

At some point I’ll probably update Ventress and Her Tiny Time-Travelling Conscience.

I feel a little weird calling this next bit One Shots, but...standalones! That’s the thing I’m looking for!

I’m going to do Big Bang again next year, and so I’m not scrambling to finish in the last week of April, I want to try and start ahead of time? Back when I was in SPN fandom, I did that for a couple BB projects and it worked out pretty well.

(Especially for The Promises of Angels, aka my 100k epic about a tertiary character who had, at the time, been dead for five seasons...I ended up writing that one over the course of like a full year.)

Anyway, I’m toying with a couple of different ideas. All of which I plan to write at some point, I just don’t know when...big bangs tend to be good for me, in terms of finishing projects that I would otherwise drag on and on and on...

(i.e., if I had done the sensible thing and waited to find a big bang for it, I probably would’ve finished Distaff ages ago, lol...)

At some point, whether for a challenge or something else, I plan to turn Bail Unfucks the Timeline into a proper fic.

I’ve also been toying with a Thing about Satine and Bo-Katan.

And there was a prompt that I considered for last year’s BB that I ended up rejecting because whodunits are not in my wheelhouse, but it involved poking at a timeline inconsistency and Sabe and Padme investigating a murder together shortly before ROTS.

Also trying to do some original writing over the next couple weeks, which may or may not show up here, we’ll see.

...that about sums it up, I think. Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Prompts? What’s on your minds?

#miscellania #shadowsong26fic #feedback greatly appreciated

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kayscreations · 7 years ago

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So...

Since I posted anything or posted any thrift hauls anywhere!!

Talkin’ about life and stuff under the cut but I’ll talk about the haul here.

I’m writing up some of this right now, but I actually got all this on Saturday the 16th. To the excited horror of my wallet I stumbled upon not one... not two.. not three.. but four Moxie Teenz. MT Tristen and Melrose were my first dolls that I got for myself (I... think? I think I got my first MH later...) so I’m a huge sucker for MT. There’s a good chance I’ll resell at least some of these, but this is my first Bijou, so I’m excited to have her! They were all $2.99 a piece and they each had like one or two other misc. dolls bagged with them.

Got the Prince Eric and Donny Osmond together for $2.99, mostly for Donny because I enjoyed the vintage quality and aesthetic. I just realized that his feet are all chewed up, though.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I got a bag that had AA Winter Rhapsody Barbie in it because I’ve been wanting to have a head that can be put on a DCSHG Bumblebee body, a la @cheshiretiffy‘s hybrid (I can’t find pictures/links for it??). Here’s to hoping I can still find a Bumblebee somewhere!

The miscellaneous dolls that were in with the Moxies included the Disney princesses and most of the dolls after them. The superstar girl is actually pretty cute and the Kira sculpt girl is adorable! Cute enough that I already popped her on a MtM body. I *think* she’s Animal Lovin’ Nikki. The Anna with the bun is my first Hasbro Disney doll and she’s pretty cute! I also really love that lone Disney fairy, her face is much more mature than all the other fairy dolls I’ve seen. Part of me would really like to repaint her in the style of a vintage Barbie.

The 17″ Pocahontas was $3.99 and is in fabulous condition. Her head is a bit weirdly yellowed compared to her body, for some reason? I’m tempted to rebody her onto a Barbie 17″ Magic Hair Kingdom body despite the match not being perfect, but I think I’ll hold off on it for at least a little while. Part of me still really wants that big vintage Pocahontas that exists...

The Disney Store Anna is a great body donor that was in another bag, and I got the three Livs for $3.99, also for their bodies.

The Ghoulia and Draculara were $2.99 in the same bag, and are 95% complete. They’re the true first edition originals and I got them to clean up and put away with my other older MH. Ghoulia has.... some interesting gunk on her and I’ll definitely have to wash her and all her clothes. It’s so sad seeing the original MH dolls and looking at the newest ones, seeing how far they’re come..... and not in a good way.

So, I think that’s it! I also have a whole haul from the Goodwill Outlet from the same day. Once I clean everything off, I’m hoping to post everything!

To be honest I don’t know if I mentioned it to anybody besides those close to me, but my Dad got injured at work in October of last year. It’s going to be almost a year since it happened and it’s really been a weird blur for me and my family the whole time. It’s agitated me into a lot of depression and anxiety, but! I also got a new job all the way back in May. While my new job has it’s own small issues, it’s absolutely wonderful, as my old work place was becoming legitimately abusive and was basically trying to fire me before I quit to start my new job. I also make a good bit more money than my old job (I mean... I’m not an independent millionaire now, but still).

So, during the course of all these events, thrifting has become a small haven for me and my Mom*. We started going to Goodwill Outlets (there’s one that’s actually super close to our house) where you can dig through bins and get stuff for dirt cheap prices, continued to go to Savers, almost completely stopped going to (regular) Goodwill because their prices are skyrocketing and their management is gross, and we also discovered an obscure little thrift store called 2nd Ave. This lovely little store is basically outshining all the other thrift stores. They have tons of doll, and different ones every time we visit. Everything they have is impeccably sorted and their clothes are organized so well! So yeah, this haul is from there. I have a few other finds from 2nd Ave. that I’d also like to showcase.

Basically I just wanted to say that I want to be more active on here and start interacting with dolly people again (er... although I’m not sure how social I ever was?), actually start working on dolls and projects that I’ve had waiting for years, and start having fun with all my collecting, thrifting, and hobby activities. @dollsahoy‘s videos have been a great source of relaxation and inspiration for me this whole time, as well as Anne Pecaro, who I recently just started watching. I love seeing all of @dolljunk‘s dolls and projects (as I have for years now) and I very much want to amass more Allans because of him. @dolldirt has infected me with with his love of the superstar sculpt for awhile now and I always love seeing posts from him. Part of me wants to do weekly videos about my dolls and just talking about dolly and thrift stuff, but I honestly need some guidance about using my camera and how to get good quality video. My camera is like 9-11 years old, so I suspect that it’s just not possible to film in 720p. But honestly I’m about as technically savy as a rock, so what do I know?

My apologies if any of this sounds weird, I just got a bit sick and I’m getting all sentimental and junk while writing this up.

*Me and Mom already thrifted before Dad got hurt, but thrifting has really been a was of escaping from our worries and relaxing now. I 100% admit that I’ve been giving myself retail therapy and soothing my depression and tumultuous feelings through thrifting.

#doll #dolls #thrifting #My posts #my dolls #katescreations

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coteriesrp · 5 years ago

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– THIS IS A SAMPLE APPLICATION FROM KIT WITH DIZZY!

I wrote this intentionally casual so that people know they don’t have to stress too much. Yes. That’s it. Not because I hate writing applications and it was the only way I was gonna get through it. Just... Listen. We know that trying to condense your vision of a character down to a few paragraphs and some fill in the blanks isn’t really Possible. We’re just lookin’ for an introduction, and to know you care enough about joining that you’re willing to try. Stick to what’s fun for you, play around in the space, and everything will be fine.

– PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ONLY AN EXAMPLE & ALSO THAT IT’S NOT TO BE USED AS INSPIRATION OF ANY KIND

out of character info.

ALIAS › kit

PRONOUNS › they/them

AGE › 24

TIMEZONE › gmt-5

LINES › u know that scene in the mummy w the scarabs… anything like that (idk how to word it more concisely sfdSFJKLS)

VEILS › any kind of sexual assault stuff, honestly i’d prefer nothing Too explicitly sexual In General, also animal (insects included) harm/death/etc

in character info.

CHARACTER › dizzy

GENDER & PRONOUNS › trans woman & she/her

DISCIPLINE › obfuscate

DEMEANOUR ›

A bon vivant, the epitome of talking for hours and saying nothing at all; amongst a crowd Dizzy is bubbly and annoying, over-affectionate and vapid, as likely to fade into the scenery of a party as to be the center of it — hard to say whether it’s an act, or just what happens to her in the presence of too many other voices. One on one she’s capable of toning it down, and displays a sharpness and unsurprising love of teasing… When she’s not too busy demanding attention to bother paying it.

JOINING THE COTERIE ›

Dizzy would say it was pure impulse; she abhors a social vacuum, and was lacking in friends that could be forced to put up with her. Truthfully, it may have been more strategic — and she may have had a stronger hand in creating the coterie than she likes to say. With an estranged sire drifting to the side of anarchy, one might have motivation to convince the Council of the need for another coterie of watchmen. Of course, that’s not as relevant anymore, but…

(UN)LIFE’S PHILOSOPHY ›

For Dizzy unlife hasn’t been a far cry from life. Each moment is wasted in the rabid pursuit of pleasure, it’s just that now she has a lot more moments to waste. And a lot more potential enemies looking to keep her from it.

THOUGHTS ON HUMANITY ›

Depending on her mood, this could earn you a noncommittal shrug or a five hour philosophical debate. What constitutes humanity? Are kindred really so different from them, after all? She’s never seen the embrace as quite as big a difference as some seem to, so she might have a softer spot for humans than most. Her stance tends to be that a transition doesn’t make you a different person, even if it changes your circumstances dramatically.

LIFE EVENTS › (tw; drug/addiction mention)

— Addiction, sedation, stagnation — much of Dizzy’s life has been colored the same way, her art a bright point of tangibility amidst a sea of smoke and dreams. Escapism, of any kind, was always her strongest vice. She tripped down the steps of different drugs until she found her high of choice: the euphoria of a vampire’s Kiss.

For years that’s how she lived, existing as a sweet taste on the lips of any number of immortal patrons, barely scraping together a life outside of it. Until the right man saw her for what she was (saw the artist beyond the haze), and decided to prolong her suffering.

A few years as a drip tap turned into a few decades as a ghoul, and the event I’m dancing my way around is her turning — or, really, her relationship with her sire. Dizzy has never been immune to romanticization (she was a perfect fit for clan Toreador) and so words like ‘soul mates’ and ‘true love’ weren’t far from her lips when she was finally Embraced.

— For decades it was Dizzy and her Sire against the world, but of course nothing lasts. As Dizzy adapted to life under the laws of the Camarilla, her rebellious nature grew much more subtle as a matter of survival. A bright spark faded to a dull roar, and it never occurred to her that her Sire might hate what he had turned her into.

Not until he brought in a new Childe. Peach, bright and raging against the world as Dizzy had once been, keeping up with the modern era and un-dimmed by the lack of sunlight. Dizzy watched her Sire’s attentions slip further and further from her grasp, and though she remained (barely) civil for decades, things were tense. Maybe their Sire didn’t notice, or maybe he didn’t care, but he certainly didn’t do anything to make the ‘siblings’ relationship any better.

By the time Peach (in Dizzy’s view — she’s still not actually sure how all of it went down) had finished with their sire, he had changed. Gone was the commitment to change the Camarilla from the inside out, and in its place was a brand new plan. Join the Anarchs, attack from the outside, take the direct approach —

Out of spite, Dizzy refused. She dug her heels in, burrowed further into the bureaucracy than she’d ever gone before, and shut her heart to the family she’d once had. Holed up in her studio, she barely even heard when news of her sire’s death swept through the clan. She didn’t know him anymore.

EXPANDING CONNECTIONS ›

— HAREL - Dizzy adores them, delights in nothing more than earning their grudging indulgence, and might have pulled some strings to get them more freedom under the watchful eyes of the Council. She isn’t shy about making it known that Harel is her personal favorite in any given situation, but she never gives a straight answer as to why.

— ANGEL - Angel exacerbates Dizzy’s distaste for anyone that can see through her, and their unflappable persona doesn’t give her enough purchase to manipulate. Overall, it’s an uneasy truce — she would rather keep them close, keep an eye on them, than let them go about their business where she can’t see. And, someday, she’s going to crack the code of getting an emotional response out of them. It’s a pet project of hers.

— DIVYA - The most fun toy in the group. So easy to wind up, with so many obvious buttons to press. Ultimately, Dizzy considers them a baby, is mildly protective and has high hopes for how they might develop over the course of their unlife. Never tell Divya, though, if they knew Dizzy had a soft spot it might ruin her fun.

— PEACH - Nothing turns Dizzy’s stomach or dries her mouth like Peach’s presence — if she had breath, Peach would steal it like a punch to the gut. Every time they’re forced to interact, Dizzy feels the familiar kick of jealousy and betrayal — she blames Peach for their sire abandoning her, and for his eventual final death. It’s not a grudge that Dizzy knows how to let go of.

miscellaneous info.

EXTRAS ›

i made a pinterest

also have some headcanons:

— if you let her get away with it, dizzy has the tendency to be Very physically affectionate (read: she Will drape herself over anyone that doesn’t shove her off. depending on the person she will continue to attempt the drapening even when u Do push her off)

— she’s the kind of person that values loyalty over most other things, so she can and will compromise any morals she may once have had in order to be on a favored person’s good side

— aka if a friend dislikes someone she will also dislike that person no matter how tempted she is to sleep with them

— (yes i’m talking about harel and guerra)

— her nickname was given to her by her sire, who once joked that all the mental spinning she did must make her dizzy… then just started calling her that and it stuck

— side note: she’s much better at concealing the spinning now

— or is she just better at not spinning

— the world may never know

— her favorite art form is sculpting, but she’s also fond of most types of painting and sketching

— she has not yet gotten into digital art because the change in tactile feedback freaks her out, but maybe someday

— Mayhaps she’s kept half an ear to the ground for any news of peach’s business over the years

— mayhaps i’m waiting on other people to join before working out an actual timeline so idk how long it’s been

— MAYHAPS

— yes at this point i’m just rambling bc i swear i had more to put here but listen

— swiss cheese memory

— am i supposed to be being professional on this thing or smth

— god i hope not

LAST WORD ›

hello….. it me :>

#sample.#dizzy.

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theblemishblogger · 5 years ago

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It all started in 2016...

I was never the girl that knew the latest beauty secrets or trends or did much in the way of staying current on my skincare regimens. But I was also never the girl that struggled with acne in my adolescent years. If I remembered to wash my face, great! If I didn’t, no big deal! And then 2016 came along, gave me a swift kick in the pants, and served me a big ole dish of humble pie right to the face (literally.) It almost seemed like overnight I had become riddled with adult acne. At the time, I had been out of college in my first post-graduate job for about a year and a half. It was a high-stress job that required a lot of time and travel that left me little time to exercise or eat correctly. I was confused, embarrassed, and honestly angry. I now had to deal with my vanity – something that was never a high priority for me. I was buying make-up I didn’t know how to use to cover up acne that I didn’t know how to deal with, which only aggravated my skin and me more.

As soon as I realized this was more than just a random breakout and was going to be a long-term problem, I started to research what might be causing this sudden rebellion. My quick Google search yielded the following possibilities:

1) Change in Hormones (I decided to stop taking my birth control about 4 or 6 months prior to the start of my skin’s demise, so this definitely seemed like a real possibility to the change in my skin since a large part of the brand of birth control I had been taking for almost a decade was a synthetic form of progesterone aka hormones. But it is now four years later, and things are about the same.)

2) Food Allergies (My whole life I had eaten pretty much whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because I am the human version of a garbage disposal, so I was not so sure this was the reason. I had read several articles and seen firsthand from friends and family that you can absolutely develop a food allergy later in life, but I was pretty skeptical this was my problem since the only side effect I was experiencing was my sloppy looking skin and not any GI problems others had faced.)

3) Diet (In referencing the above, my diet could definitely stand to see a few changes. Whose couldn’t? But at the time, I was not willing nor was I financially or realistically capable of doing a major diet overhaul in the form of whole foods, paleo, etc. I also felt like I ate enough of the good stuff to counteract the bad.)

4)Stress (My job at the time was extremely stressful, but I had been about a year and a half into it, so why now? Why this sperm?!**)

**Reference to Legally Blonde. IYKYK.

5) Medications (See #1)

6) Bacteria (No shit.)

7) Clogged Pores (Again…no shit.)

Several drug store “dermatologist-recommended” face washes and face masks later, I decided this issue needed professional grade assistance. I consulted a dermatologist who diagnosed me with adult acne (ok, duh) and was prescribed Doxycycline, Epiduo Forte, and Clindamycin. Within a week I saw my skin transform back to a façade that was familiar to me, but after a couple of months I was back to being a total pizza face. I had to stop the Doxycycline because it is not intended for long-term use, and once my skin figured out a way to rage against the topical machines, my wallet could no longer figure out a way to pay for them.

To recap, I got bad adult acne out of nowhere at the end of 2016, tried to troubleshoot on my own for most of 2017, went to a dermatologist at the beginning of 2018, temporarily fixed my face for a VERY pretty penny through middle of 2018, and now here we are.

By Summer of 2018, my face had started to regress a little with bouts of bad acne every now and then, but it still was not anywhere close to being clear or back to “normal.” On top of that, I was now dealing with the aftermath of my adult acne – scarring, pockmarks, an uneven complexion, and dark spots. The silver lining in all of this was that I had just started a new job that was going to help me correct my very out of whack work-life balance.

The start of a new job paired with the fact that I was going to be in my brother’s wedding in less than a year made me more determined than ever to nip this thing in the bud. I sure as Hell was not going to be the one to ruin the wedding photos with my Freddy Krueger looking face! From Summer of 2018 until my brother’s wedding in the Summer of 2019, I got a facial once every three weeks, upped my skincare routine with top of the line products, and addressed my scarring by completing several microneedling treatments. (A big thank you to my credit card for the abuse it endured during this time.) I was looking something FIERCE! But alas, all good things must come to an end, and once my brother’s wedding was over so was my obsession in making sure I had flawless skin. I was still taking care of it, but I was no longer getting my monthly facials or repurchasing the entire line of Skinceuticals every few months. My skin seemed to be doing well and maintaining a clear enough complexion. I was still seeing an occasional flare-up, but it was not as bad as it had been, which brings me to the present year – 2020. The year that will be synonymous to many as the year of Coronavirus. But to me, it will be the year my acne came back with a vengeance.

So, if you have made it this far, you may be asking yourself what is the point of this blog? What am I aiming to accomplish here? My purpose is multi. After suffering from what has seemed like a never-ending acne nightmare, I didn’t want my struggles to be for not. I wanted to show what struggling with acne really looks like for a common person. I had been toying with the idea about documenting my journey with skincare for a while. Over the last few years, I have looked to A LOT of “beauty bloggers” for advice on skincare, and the common trait they all shared was that they seemed to already have perfect skin. I am sure people like me are out there, but I had yet to come across a blog or Instagram account that featured someone with skin that was riddled with pimples rather than porcelain. And don’t get me wrong! The maintenance of skin once you hit your stride is equally as important as getting it cleared up! But I had never seen someone document their skin from breakouts to brilliant. That is what I hope to do here.

For anyone who is struggling with similar issues and cares to follow along, I hope I can be a resource or at the bare minimum, a comfort. But really, more than anything, I want this to serve as a way to keep myself accountable to really nail down the root cause of my skin’s suffering. I want this blog to serve as somewhat of a mix between a time capsule and a daily journal of my face. I want to be able to look back and point to a time where my skin looks horrific and be able to say “well I ate like a monster and was on my period, so no wonder I broke out” or be able to pinpoint a time where my face was PERFECT and say “oh yeah – I used xyz product and ate this and was at this point in my life – no wonder it looks like a dream!” So here is my plan. Every day (or every day that I can remember), I intend to document the following:

1) A Picture of My Face (Up close and personal without a filter)

2) Daily Food Intake (I suspect this is going to be the hardest part)

3) My Menstrual Cycle (Hey, if we are going to really do this thing, we have to consider each and every factor!)

4) My Workouts

5) Daily Skincare Routine (I know *major eye roll*. But let me clarify! This is NOT going to be your average beauty blogger’s blog. I am not trying to get sponsored or get a million followers here. I simply want to share, in real time, what is and is not working for my skin while also documenting as many other contributing variables as possible. If this ends up being helpful for just ONE other person who has had a similar experience to my own, the purpose of this blog will have been fulfilled! And to be honest, I really love my job, so this is more of a passion project anyways.)

6) Daily Water Intake

7) Miscellaneous Variables (Basically any other significant variable that I think may be contributing to my skin’s behavior like lack of sleep, air travel, or sun exposure)

In keeping track of these things, I hope to take a deeper dive into some of the causes of adult acne I listed earlier in this post to see if any are major contributors to my skin’s condition. Who knows what I will do or find along the way! Maybe I will finally take a food allergy test only to learn that I am gluten intolerant and that’s why my face is a mess. Case closed!

For anyone who reads this, I hope you view this blog as genuine and transparent. I am a NORMAL person with REAL skin problems (as shown in the pictures to come.) If you have advice or questions, bring ‘em on! I am not a professional, but I will try to help if I can or at least point you in the right direction. Until next time.

Blemished but Beautiful,

The Blemish Blogger

#acne #acneproblems #adultacne #blemished #blemishedbutbeautiful #skincare #beauty #beautyregimen #theblemishblogger

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a425app · 6 years ago

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Interview 07

Interview Questions

How are you?

Pretty good! It’s been a nice morning so far. Woke up at my leisure, had some coffee, conducted an interview with my father-in-law, and now I’m here

What is your name?

Cory Timmons

What is your age?

What gender do you identify as?

Female. I’m a transwoman, and I make that distinction. I can’t deny that I lived as a man for most of my life, although, that’s not how I felt inside. Many transwoman do not like to make the distinction between being a woman and being a transwoman, but I think it’s the most accurate way to describe me. I’m still very early in my transition, and expect to change a lot in the next 2-5 years.

What are the things that have been on your mind today?

Getting my interviews done is really stressing me out. I’m very nervous that I don’t know enough people to properly conduct the required number of interviews.

What's been the most enjoyable part of you of your day so far?

My coffee and chat with my husband this morning. I love him so much.

Is there something your looking forward too?

I’m looking forward to checking some things off my list today so I can reduce my stress. I know what I have to do, I took some time before bed to make a list of things for the weekend, so now I just have to GSD- get shit done!

What is the most important thing that matters to you at the moment?

Completing my degree.

Do you work? If so how many hours a week and what sort of job is it? / do you work on site or at home (or alternate location)

Yes. It varies. I work between 5 and 20 hours a week. I make posters for the music department, and occasionally do administrative work for an occupation/physical therapy company who helps kids with special needs in SF. I work at home for both jobs.

What are some things you like to do on the weekends?

Lately, working on homework. My husband and I like to have morning dates.. so we go out thrift shopping and have a nice lunch together. I like to just be cozy, so I immediately put my pjs on after we get home. If I have time, I clean the house, organize/work on little projects to make the house a little easier to live in. Every few weeks, we get brunch with my mom. If I perform in drag, I usually do so on the weekends.

What is your living situation like?

We live in a spacious house surrounded by trees with our pets. We’re very near a park, and near to amenities in town. I’m very very lucky.

is your living space organized to help you accomplish your tasks or goals, whatever they may be?

I think so. I have a dressing room/private lounge that’s just for me. It’s my own little haven in the house. We also have a nice art studio that’s set up for physical and digital arts. The rest of the house has a great flow, lots of pocket doors and things so we can close off parts as we need to. I love this house. It’s very well-designed.

What kinds of chores did you do during childhood/adolescents?

Very few. Basically just cleaning my room to the point it wasn’t a fire hazard, but even then, my parents were incredibly lenient about my chores. My mom did all of it, and I still feel immense guilt about it. That’s probably the most “male” part of my up-bringing—I was waited on hand-and-foot by my mom. I ultimately suffered for it. I had none of these skills, yet I was often in the position of being asked to do those tasks because of the dynamics of my relationships. I basically taught myself housekeeping from martha stewart, and then tried to come back down to earth to a more practical style of keeping house.

Would you say you actively seek out new things to try?

Oh totally

What are some of your goals for your daily life?

I’d like to walk the dog more consistently. I’d like to get in the habit of writing for thirty minutes every single day. I would like to be better about my makeup removal/getting ready for bed routine.

What are some of your goals in general?

I want to make Salem more comfortable fore queer/trans folks. Our city can be very hostile and cruel toward people with deviant genders and sexualities, and we don’t really have a ton of resources considering our city’s size. So that’s a big focus of my life. In fact, I’d say it’s what I’d identify as my purpose for the time. Besides that, more short term, I want to graduate and get a good job making a difference in the world. I’d like to work for a non-profit or some other kind of business/entity that improves peoples lives. I want to keep my art-making practice outside of school—it’s changed my life for the better and I don’t want to lose this power and passion I’ve developed.

What are some things that make you feel proud of yourself?

When I complete an art work that accomplishes my content and formal goals I feel very proud of myself. I feel proud of myself when I survive harsh and cruel situations and still keep my head up. I feel proud of myself when I speak my truth, not fearing the reprisal or consequences.

What activities give you the most satisfaction?

At home, DIY projects and gardening are probably the most satisfying. I get to see it change from A to B and it lasts—something that I can continue to witness over time.

What kinds of things do you to relieve stress?

I listen to guided imagery. I find it helps immensely with my anxiety and PTSD symptoms. I used to self medicate much more with alcohol and marijuana, but I’ve cut back a lot on both of those things, but still use. Not the best way to relieve stress, so I’m trying to be more mindful about it and use healthier options. Meh. No one’s perfect.

What is something you wish you had more time to do?

Making art, particularly digital art. I dream of making a video game. Some kind of RPG, like Final Fantasy or even action-adventure like Zelda. I’d love to have more time to devote to that.

What kinds of things take up most of your time?

Homework right now, and miscellaneous administrative tasks. Honestly, my schedule is so tight right now that it’s all kind of a blur.

How do you feel after you have completed a task.

Great!

How do you reward yourself?

This is a step a rarely do. I only really reward myself for BIG things. When I quit smoking cigarettes, I saved the money I had been spending on that and bought myself a game console.

How much time do you take just for yourself?

I spend a good hour and a half each morning waking up, drinking coffee, listening to podcasts and doing my shower/makeup/dressing routine. At night, I spend about an hour listening to music/podcasts, playing video games, or reading.

What are the most frustrating aspects of your daily activities/ day?

Driving. I love it and hate it. I like the ability to drive, but I hate commuting. So it’s a a weird dynamic! I would love to have the ability to ride a bus or trolley or something to work so I don’t have to think about it. But I’d still want a car because I enjoy driving. Weird, huh? I guess it just feels like I’m losing about an hour of productive time each day.

What time of day do you tend to do your work/chores/ homework

Any time I have, I spend it on that. So, usually 4-9 MWF, 12-9 T/R. All day on the weekend.

Do you feel like you have a good balance between work and personal life?

Not at all, but this period of my life is not about that at all. I’m doing all this work so I can have a personal life again. I absolutely do not intend to keep this pace. It will destroy me and my marriage if I do. I intend to be a more normal “adult” when I’m done with school.

How consistent is your schedule?

Parts are very consistent, other parts are variable. School obviously doesn’t change, but I have counseling/therapy appointments at various times of the week/alternating weeks, evening events, etc.

Can you describe a typical day for you from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed?

7:15 wake up, glass of water, take pills

7:30 coffee, read news, listen to podcasts, homework if needed

8:30 Shower

9:00 Makeup/dress

9:25 Leave for school

9:30 McDonalds

9:55 Arrive at school

10-4 classes

4:00 leave for home

4:25 get home. Drink water, take dogs out

4:45 use the bathroom

5:00 start dinner

5:30 hug mike when he gets home (our main ritual), then feed the dogs

6:00 eat dinner

6:30 dishes

6:45 watch tv/chit chat catch up with mike

8:00 Homework

9:00 alone time in my lounge: video games, music podcasts, drawing, etc.

9:30 remove contacts/makeup, night cream, take night pills

9:45 alone time again

10:15 – 10:45 slip into bed. Read in bed until I pass out.

What time of day do you feel the most alert/happy

Mid-day, 2-6

What do you think having a routine means?

Doing stuff without really thinking about it.

Do you have a daily/weekly routine(s) If so, What are some of your daily/weekly routines?

My days are pretty routine in the way I describe it. Not a lot deviates from that. The main consistent routine centers around school and caring for my dogs.

What tools do you use to plan or remind yourself of activities or a routine if any?

I have a family calendar mike and I share to keep aware of our day-to-day. We have a chore chart for those kinds of things. Other than that, not realy.

Do you think having a daily routine would/does benefit you? Why or why not?

I think some of the things that’d be good for my skin/body would definitely benefit me. I’m pretty inconsistent about makeup removal, and I’d like to be better about caring for my skin in that way.

Have you done any research / read articles about having a routine?

No.

How often would you say you search for things involving lifestyle: blogs, articles, magazines etc.

Rarely.

Would you be interesting in learning how to best establish and stick to a routine?

What would that look like to you?

Yes. I think it would be positively encouraging and would try to keep me going if I fuck up. I think a lot of times it feels like “all is lost” if I miss a day or don’t do something quite right. So I’d want something to hold me accountable but still keep my interest? Maybe some funny content, connections with others. Tricks on how to get your brain to re-wire.

Do you use technology for planning and/or reminders? If so, what are your favorite tools/programs.

Why are those your favorite?

Yes. I use the apple calendar, and mike and I share it. It’s pretty intuitive, it’s native on the phone, and I can share with hubby.

What are some of your favorite apps to use? Why those? How do you use them? How often do you use them?

I don’t use a ton of apps, but I like the adobe apps for iPad a lot. I think they have the right amount of features for me to draw or do whatever. It’s like JUST what I need… no bloat. It doesn’t feel hard to learn. You just kind of open it and it’s obvious what to do. I use them to make vector drawing sketches that I pull into illustrator and refine. I use adobe capture a ton to make cool shapes and illustrations, too. I use these almost daily.

If you could make a app for keeping track of a routine what would be some of the features you would want?

I would want to sync up with others doing it too. Social really helps for me. I’d want it to keep track of what I’m doing, maybe remind me of the benefits of what I’m doing. That was something that really helped me when I quit smoking… your lungs are x better and your risk of x is x or whatever really helped me to see the benefit of continuing something that was fucking sooooo hard I wanted to quit a million times day. Six years later it’s hard to imagine that, like it really worked for me. So, I guess getting through the shittiness of starting and then reinforcing after I’ve picked up the habit.

Have you ever failed to stick to a routine? If so, why do you think that was?

Yeah, I can’t tell you how many diet and exercise routines I used to try. I think I always wanted to go whole hog instead of just accepting that a little bit at a time over time is better than a quick burst all at once. I think it has to be something that will fit into my normal life..,. I shouldn’t have to plan my whole fucking day around a routine just to stick to it. I don’t do well with anything regimented or with negative punshiment. Fuck that. So it has to feel good, be easy, and feel positive.

Do you have any medical conditions that you think might affect your ability to stick to a regular schedule or routine?

Not really. Allergies maybe.

Do you think your profession has an impact on your routine?

Yes. I think being a student puts me in a position of forcing myself into a certain structure of time. In my old job, I had a very consistent schedule and no work to take home. My husbands job is not like that. We have different routines. SO I dunno, maybe it’s profession, maybe it’s the level of job, maybe it’s personality.

To what degree do you think other people impact your routine?

A lot routines and things need support, and I think if someone else is against the change, it can make the change very hard to deal with. I think everyone in a household kind of has to be on board.

Would you be more likely to do something if someone else was holding you accountable?

Maybe, but not in like an authoritarian sense. Like not like a directive, but more collaborative, like we’re in it together. Like… my bestie and I like to walk, so we often encourage each other in that way, but the same is true… she’s my bestie so it’s just as easy to say “fuck it” because we know neither of us REALLY wants to do it, ya know?? So maybe it’d need to be someone I was less close to so the social pressure to maintain the habit was a little higher.

If we came back in [x number of] years to have this conversation again, what would you like to be different?

I think I will have a pretty routinized daily life that is hitting all the boxes of things I want to work on and accomplish. Ithink I will have built more “down time” into my schedule because right now I’m working way too fucking hard and I know I can’t keep this up.

Is there anything I’ve missed?

Maybe what inspires a change. So I want to walk more for the main reason of my health: I’m very sedentary and I’m worried that as I get older I will miss my “easy” chance at starting to exercise and incorporate something health related into my lifestyle. To be honest, my disconnection from my body is not surprising. It never felt like home to me. It felt inhospitable and like someone else’s body. Now that I’m on the path of having the body I want (through hormone replacement) I’m feeling a much deeper connection to my body and the way that it cares and provides for me. So, in many ways I regret the apathy and neglect I demonstrated toward my body during my youth. It’s hard to know that I did so much damage to my body in my younger years and that I can’t take that time back. So maybe some motivation for wanting to change. I’m starting a new life, and I need to think about what the life means and what I want out of it, if that makes sense. And the health of my body is central to my ability to live the life I want. So that’s why I want a better routine.

Is there anything you want to tell me?

Thank you for being a good friend. : )

Any questions?

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decepticoncoward · 8 years ago

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((More headcanon memes! This one you can find here.))

What does their bedroom look like? It’s messier than you’d think. Sure, it’s not an absolute disaster zone like some rooms in the WAP, but it’s still cluttered and disorganized. He’ll often have miscellaneous junk that he was tinkering with strewn about. Most of it just clutters his desk, but some spare parts will roll down onto the floor or get lost in his berth after he took them there to play with, but fell asleep before returning them. Most of his personal items are condensed into one drawer, but the whole room is littered with pictures.

Do they have any daily rituals? He always listens to hear someone else moving around the WAP (or wherever they are) before he goes into recharge. Their life can get pretty unpredictable and maintaining a ritual can be hard, but the one constant is that they usually go places together.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? Nope, at least not in any organized way. If the Scavengers find themselves running away from the hostile native species that they probably pissed off on a planet then, sure, there’s that, but Cybertronians don’t really need exercise the same way people do anyway.

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? He’d just shove his way in and start cooking. That’s how it’s done on the WAP. He’s actually a good cook and baker too.

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) Not grimy or dirty, but overall disorganized. He generally keeps things cleaned, like wiping up any spills or washing the dirt off, and he doesn’t mix food with his stuff. Crumbs are irritating to clean out. But as for Neatness? There’s not a lot in him. Data pads get strew over desks, parts knocked to the floor, bed is rumpled. He jumps from project to project a lot.

Eating habits and sample daily menu He’s not very organized with this either. He mostly cooks and eats whenever he’s hungry, not at any specified time. And, despite being a good cook, he usually opts for something quick and easy to make. Sometimes he’ll take into onto the couch in the other room or somewhere more comfortable/private, but he always cleans up after himself; crumbs are annoying. As for what he eats, it’s not really how you can use energon for cooking, but what he eats would mostly be the equivalent of energy drinks and instant rice.

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time As far as Fulcrum’s concerned, there is no wasting time. This is what he wants to be doing, and every second he’s doing this is time well spent in his book. Seeing new places with the Scavengers is good with him, no matter the place. However, he is pretty anxious over the concept of wasting time. He doesn’t want to throw away what little time has been gifted to him. He’s usually level headed and will be the one pitching to stay longer at a place he thinks is cool or mysterious. Plus, even just spending time lounging around with the other Scavengers is good with him. But as soon as something gets repetitive or they visit a place he doesn’t care about (like Earth), he gets restless fast.

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging He loves to indulge. That’s what life’s for, right? Might as well enjoy it while you can. One of his indulgences is hogging the TV to watch comedy shows.

Makeup? He doesn’t wear it. They are called the Scavengers, after all, The name conjures up certain images, might as well embrace it instead of prettying up. Besides, he doesn’t like covering up his K-Class markings.

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? Some PTSD from his time in Styx as well as having to face his own death as a K-Class. And there’s some guilt and shame at having run from B’lhar 39, especially leaving behind a few who was close to there. They ended up dying in the ensuing fight. And some paranoia about the DJD eventually finding them, but he’d claim that’s not paranoia if he knows it’s going to happen sooner or later. Usually he doesn’t think about these things, but was reminded of them after Krok came clean about his clicking.

Intellectual pursuits? He’s mostly interested in engineering. He likes to tinker around with things and see what he can do. It’s a nice way to pass the time too. But if he’s serious about something, he’ll bulk up with research. Whatever data pads pertaining to this field that they come by are claimed by him. He rarely takes on big, long-term projects, though. And he has no interest in pursuing a formal education.

Favorite book genre? He loves science fiction! The wonders of the Universe entrance him. But, all the frankly mind-blowing, improbable things he’s seen with the Scavengers are probably closer to fantasy than sci-fi. Like I said before, he also likes engineering, so any non-fiction books on that he enjoys too.

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? Fulcrum is open to anyone as long as they’re not organic; however, he has a strong preference towards Cybertronians and a preference for simple frames that aren’t over-embellished. He doesn’t care what a bot’s orientation is as long as their attraction stays within the Cybertronian species. After that, if their attraction strays too far from what he considers “normal,” he’ll judge them hard for that. This is especially true when it comes to relationships/attraction to organic species. He finds that downright weird and even revolting, if the species is gross enough to him.

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc. Since he’s K-Class and his explosive charge has been removed, his atlmode is useless. He might as well be a monoformer because of this. There’s no point in transforming into a dud bomb unless you’re trying to bluff, but, chances are, they’re gonna figure out his bluff pretty quickly after he hits the ground and, you know, doesn’t explode. He also doesn’t have any interfacing equipment, and his spark chamber’s been welded shut. Honestly, I don’t really think transformers have interfacing equipment in canon, but, at the very least, it’s a popular idea in fanon, so I’m using this headcanon. I got that headcanon straight from this lovely fic. As Fulcrum puts it in that fic, he was made K-Class as a punishment, they don’t want him living it up before the big jump. This part’s not taken from that fic, but for that same reason his fuel intake moderation chip has been permanently enabled. So, he can’t get drunk. He can also be considered a bit of a germophobe when it comes to organics and their “fluids.”

Biggest and smallest short term goal? He just wants to cram as much adventure, fun, and mystery into his life while he still can. A day where he’s with the Scavengers, avoids the DJD, and sees something new is a success to him. Hell, he doesn’t even have to see something new. Spending all day lounging on the couch watching reruns of old, pre-war sitcoms is okay with him too.

Biggest and smallest long term goal? This is a tough one for Fulcrum. He doesn’t have any long term goals because he doesn’t expect to have a “long term.” For now, he’s trying to enjoy whatever life throws at him while he still has one. If he believed he had a future, his long term goals wouldn’t be too different than what he’s doing now. He genuinely enjoys exploring all the bizarre wonders of the universe with the Scavengers. He’s seen a lot of weird things in his adventures with the Scavengers, but he’d like to stick around longer and really understand these weird things, not just experience. He wants to unravel a mystery. He considers this a far-fetched hope, but he’d also love to find some way to stop or kill or hide from the DJD. It’s not a hope he often entertains, though.

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress Cybertronians don’t really “dress.” The closest he gets to this is just draping a blanket around himself when he gets cold. Or using his holomatter avatar with a species that does get dressed. His outfit would look like something some wear and tear in it in that case. Cybertronians can spruce up their frame and change their colors, though; however, Fulcrum prefers to stay as he is.

Favorite beverage? When he became K-Class, they permanently enabled his fuel intake moderation chip, just to make sure he knew this was a punishment and couldn’t live it up before the jump. Because of that, high grade has no effect on him, so he doesn’t bother drinking it. His favorite of drinks are any type of fizzy, cold drinks. It’s that little, extra, over-the-top touch that he likes.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night? On a good night? Fantasizing about whatever their latest mystery/adventure was and what it could all mean. On a bad night? When the DJD will catch them, what the DJD will do to them all once they catch them, what happened in Styx, falling towards the ground as a K-Class, stuff like that.

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? “Childhood” isn’t something Cybertronians have, and it’s certainly nothing Fulcrum had. The Decepticon movement was going hot and looked promising, so he jumped right into the war soon after being forged. He never even left the planet before he joined. He would have been somewhere between the lower-middle caste anyway. But first planet he went on to cyberform, he stepped in the wrong puddle and nearly rusted off his foot.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs? I’m assuming this means sexually? If that’s the case, haha, well this is a biiiiiiit awkward for him since he doesn’t really have an outlet for stuff like that. So he doesn’t try to explore what his turns-ons are since it would just end in frustration for him. But if he did? His turn-ons are whispering, dirty talk, and bondage and his turn-offs are tentacles and anything to do with food.

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? If he has a little project he’s tinkering with, maybe sketching it out. But, most likely, some doodling and then folding up the paper into shapes.

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? Like I said, he’s not very organized. He likes to try to do as much as he can, so he’s often throwing things to the side and starting something new. Projects in varying stages of completeness can be found all around the WAP and his quarters. He also does a similar thing with places, getting all he can from one planet as fast as he can before hopping to another, but that’s also the nature of traveling in the WAP in the first place. If he had more time to devote to one project, he’d be more organized, trying to complete it to its full potential. As it is, though, he doesn’t often take on big projects like that.

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? Engineering small devices and machines is what he’s interested in most. He’s previous altmode would make him good with larger scale construction, but he doesn’t have that altmode anymore. But he never had any formal education, and he’s not interested in getting one now.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today? Best case scenario: Still aboard the WAP with the Scavengers just living life. Most probable scenario: Dead at the hands of the DJD along with all the other Scavengers.

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? Yeah, again, Fulcrum doesn’t expect to have much of a future. In his mind, the DJD will catch up with them eventually, so he doesn’t have a long term. He wants a long term, but he’s not optimistic about it. One thing he’d really like, though, is to go back and find out what was really going on in that Decepticon ship they found before the DJD showed up. In his mind, when the DJD show up his one, last-ditch hope is to have a real bomb to use against them. He’s hoping that after their last encounter, they won’t be expecting explosives to work. But since he’s not expecting to make it, he’d really need a contingency plan for if he did survive. He doesn’t have one, other than stick with the Scavengers if they’re okay too. If they’re not okay? Then he’s really lost.

What is their biggest regret? Probably leaving his amica endura and friends behind when he bailed on B’lahr 39. At the time, he would regret abandoning the Decepticons and the Decepticon cause, but not anymore. He also regrets not acting in time to save Flywheels.

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? The Scavengers are all his friends. Out of all of them, though, he’s closest to Krok and Misfire. The DJD would be the obvious answer for his worst enemy, but enemy seems to imply a mutual hatred. The DJD certainly think lowly of Fulcrum, but he’s no threat to them. He’s not someone they’d consider a great enemy. He’s made quite a few other enemies with the Scavenger’s shenanigans, though, but most of them he doesn’t give a second thought. But he’ll never forget the mech he had his ruthless DDR showdown with (Fulcrum won).

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) He’s pretty good at keeping his head on straight. He may be yelling about what a disaster something is, but he’ll be yelling while he’s doing something about it, even if that something surrendering or running away. He doesn’t panic the way he did when the DJD first showed up. He’s faced them, and now he’s a bit reckless with his life. Things don’t incite that fear and panic the way the DJD did to him.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) This is harder for him to deal with. The Scavenger’s mean a lot to him, and he’s gonna do what it takes to keep them together and keep them happy, even if that’s fighting to keep Grimlock with them or going to Earth to meet Crankcase’s internet boyfriend. He’s pretty open about discussing other people’s mental health, and was pretty forth coming about his past. He’d try to reach out to the other Scavengers to talk about it, but not all of them would be willing to have a serious discussion about that.

Most prized possession? He doesn’t have that many possessions. Everything from before he was a K-Class is lost. He likes to remember his adventures with the Scavengers through pictures. His DDR champion cup bestowed on him by the Scavengers is up there, though. He was also able to snag a bit of his explosive charge from Spinster.

Thoughts on material possessions in general? He enjoys experiences more than owning possessions. He does, however, like saving little objects as ways to remember the experience. He’s really big on pictures because of this, he has loads of pictures saved internally and thrown around his room. I’ve mentioned this a lot before, but because he believes it’s only a matter of time before the DJD kill him, he doesn’t feel the need to collect many possessions. The Scavengers already have so much junk aboard their ship anyway, though, so he’s okay with throwing spare parts about. If the threat of the DJD wasn’t an issue, though, he would collect weird objects both as a knickknack to remember the experience by and as something to study and unravel. He also enjoys rummaging through the junk the Scavengers have collected to see what’s there and what can be made from it. He enjoys tinkering.

Concept of home and family? He would have called the Decepticons home before. And he had close friends before Styx. He had an amica endua. But after he was convicted of cowardice, he lost all those things. Now, though, he has a new familiy and home he’s intensely loyal to. He didn’t expect to develop these strong feelings after first meeting the Scavengers either, but, after spending so much time with them, he has. They’re his family and the WAP is his home. They’re an odd, cobbled together group of misfits, but they’re loyal to each other, and they sure as hell care about each other.

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) There’s not a lot of privacy aboard the WAP. He’s learned to adapt to this and got used to the fact that almost nothing he does on that ship is a secret. He won’t casually blurt out personal or “tmi” things, but if the subject arises or someone asks, he’s not shy about sharing. A handful of subjects aren’t discussed, like his friends he abandoned or the details of what went on in Styx, at least not casually anyway. But, he does value the time he can spend alone in his room. If anything, the lack of privacy on the WAP only made him appreciate this more. Sometimes it’s nice to meditate alone.

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? There isn’t a lot Fulcrum considers a waste of time. Even sitting, eating on the couch can be wonderful to him, as long as they’re moving on the WAP. Only when they're stuck on doing the same thing over and over without any new payoff does he get restless. Sight-seeing, exploring, shopping are all fun to him. A repetitive job would be a waste of time to him. He USED to consider vandalizing Autopedia a waste of time, but Misfire proved him wrong there,

What makes them feel guilty? Feeling like he failed or let down someone he cares about. Betraying someone he cared about would/does really eat away at him. And, sure the Scavengers aren’t exactly lawful, but cruelly taking advantage of someone is on his list too.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? He’s more emotional. Although he does think things through, it’s usually emotions that motivate him. He jumped to protect the Scavengers, he advocated for Grimlock to be a part of the Scavengers, he jumped at Thunderwing so he, Krok, and Crankcase could run away, etc.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? Type B. He’s not competitive or aggressive, and usually follows, not leads. He’s patient and can adapt to changing situations. He’s okay with exploring and failing. However, he can be too dismissive of his failures and let them pile up until he gets stressed and overwhelmed with a sense that he’s wasting his time.

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Hanging out on the couch with the other Scavengers can be a fun, chill time, but even they can get a little much, and he could use some time alone. Hot showers are cleansing. Fidgeting around with some parts is also relaxing. He’s not building anything, just using his hands.

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Both? He views the Cybertronian race as a whole as superior. But himself personally? In comparison to other Cybertronians? He’s no one important and shouldn’t even be alive anyway.

How misanthropic are they? Hah! He’s as human-hating as they come! Humans are disgusting, stupid, and overall inferior beings as far as Fulcrum’s concerned. But is he misanthropic in terms of Cybertronians (cyberthropic?)? When comparing Cybertronians to other species? No. He doesn’t dislike Cybertronians at all. It’s quite the opposite really. As I mentioned before, he views them as the superior race. But when comparing Cybertronians to themselves? He’s disappointed how a lot of them lost their way sometime during the war (like the DJD), but knows there’s still good in the Cybertronian species (like the Scavengers).

Hobbies? I mentioned it before, but he likes tinkering with things and playing with technology. He can fix up machines and computers and scrabble together some devices fairly well. Since the WAP is littered with junk, he has some fun digging through it an seeing what he can make. He also likes to tune into different frequnecies and see what random transmissions he can pick up. It’s kind of like flipping through the local radio stations. Sometimes it’s fun stuff like music or half of someone’s gossip, sometimes it’s banal stuff like requests to dock or a manifest of a ship’s cargo, and sometime’s it depressing stuff like a year-old distress signal or a hastily sent goodbye message. He also love adventuring. Exploring adandoned ships? Decoding creepy cryptic messages? Walking around a ship full of brains, skin, and partially formed cybertronians? He eats that shit up. He’s also quite the dancer.

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? He never had a formal education. He didn’t bother to get one before the war, and he’s not gonna bother to get one now. He thinks a formal education is unnecessary to living a full life and, at least right now, he’d rather be out, learning as he experiences things, rather than stopping his life to go to a school.

Religion? He doesn’t have one. No god out there is gonna save him or stop bad things from happening. If there is one, they’re not watching over him. He’ll make his own life.

Superstitions or views on the occult? He’s not superstitious, but he’s not dismissive of the occult either. He’s open to the existence of pretty much anything, but he’ll view it in a more scientific light. Sure gods, ghosts, and myths can exist, but there’s gotta be an explanation behind them too.

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? Words. He has no qualms about voicing his opinion, and usually confronts people when he notices something is up. He doesn’t seem to shy away from sensitive subjects or get embarrassed about talking about things like feelings or mental health. He can put a little too much faith in his ability to use words, though.

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Misfire. Hah, okay, my shameless shipping aside, someone to be by his side and share in his excitement is who he’d fall for. And, someone who not only enjoys their adventures, but creates more would be ideal. He’d also strongly prefer a Cybertronian. He’s also a massive sucker for people who show genuine concern in his well being.

How do they express love? Fulcrum’s a talker. He’ll be sure to charm the person with frank compliments. He also goes out of his way to help them out if something means a lot to them, even if it’s an inconvenience to him. Like how he made goodies and flew to Earth so Crankcase could meet his internet boyfriend. He also reaches out to them if they’ve been acting weird, like he did with Krok. Basically what I’m saying is he loves the Scavengers and shows it.

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? He’s not much of a fist fighter. He’s not that big, and he’s pretty light, so he could easily get overwhelmed if it was just a contest of strength. His tactics are more stun then run: hit the opponent with a sudden, big attack then flee once they’re stunned.

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? Fulcrum’s kind of a paradox with this one. The short answer is yes, he’s terrified of dying. He doesn’t want to die. It’s not that he’s afraid of what will happen to him after he dies, it’s that he’s had so little time to live (by his standards anyway), and, now that he’s enjoying life, he doesn’t want it to end. However, Fulcrum acts like he’s not afraid of dying. To him, dying is guaranteed, and it could spring on him at any moment. Because he views his life as so expendable and temporary, he’ll act unafraid in dangerous situation and take risks. To an outside observer, it’d look like Fulcrum is unconcerned whether he lives or dies. In a way, he is. The way he views it, he’s going to die either way, but at least maybe he can die on his own terms, doing something he loves and by the people he loves. It’d certainly be a less painful death than the one he’d receive by the DJD, that’s for sure. He won’t throw his life away, and likes to go in with a plan, he’s just okay if that plan is riding into certain danger.

#ooc #headcanon #meme

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