#but hes not as tragic as mechs loki is

[majorshatterandhare]

[ID: three images. The second two are under the cut and are reasoning as to why you should vote for each character.

Image One: an editied image which puts a photo of a depiction of Orpheus, from Greek Myth, on a vase or something similar next to a digital drawing of Loki from The Bifrost Incident by the Mechanisms; between them is a white stripe and “VS” in red. The depiction of Orpheus is back and orange. He is wearing a cape and a helmet with gold wings on it. He is holding a stone in his right hand and a golden bow in his left hand. The drawing of Loki is in black and white and is a mug shot. She has long wavy hair and is lookinv at the viewer.

Image Two: black text on a white background, explaining why Orpheus is tragic. It reads:

“What Do You Think Makes Them Tragic? *

Hard to put into words, I think I’ve made them sadder in my head, but its tragic to me that they were so in love and happy, and something no one could control ended that. but that didn't stop orpheus!! he basically went to hell and back to see Eurydice again, but it doesn't matter because it doesn't work! and I'm a sucker for a happy ending! but the ending isn't ever going to be happy! and whether you call it doubt/fear (which is reasonable, when you can't even hear her footsteps) or its the overwhelming love (like that one tumblr post says) Orpheus loses Eurydice AGAIN because HE turned around and IDK man the guilt would be suffocating I imagine. tragic because he tried so hard, he got so far, but in the end, it didn't even matter.”

Image Three: black text on a white background explaining why Loki is tragic. It reads:

“What Do You Think Makes Them Tragic?

Okay remember the Lyf entry? whilst Lyf was the investigator that had to warn everyone of their doom, Loki was someone who was LITERALLY ON THE DAMN TRAIN [all caps text reads: literally on the damn train]. she was the one who delayed it by eighty years to give people more time. SHE USED HER PUMPING HEART TO DO THAT. SHE LITERALLY STUCK A TUBE IN HER HEART TO SAVE THE YGGDRASIL SYSTEM [all caps text reads: she used her pumping heart to do that. She literally stuck a tube in her heart to save the Yggdrasil system]. and of course everyone still died, but that makes it even more tragic. and not even just that either. she KNEW [all caps reads: knew] that the bifrost (the wormhole) was yog-sothoth (and eldritch god), and she tried to prevent the train from ever taking off. she launched TWO MISSILES [all caps reads: two missiles] at it to push back the project, but all that got her was a public execution. she didn't die, though, because odin has switched her out in order to keep her expertise on the train. instead, Odin just. broke her brain. TO THE POINT WHERE LOKI COULD NOT EVEN RECOGNIZE HER OWN WIFE [all caps reads: to the point where loki could not even recognize her own wife]. but when the walls began to tear and all the doors were opened, she remembered everything. and those eighty years on the train were spent beside her wife as her heart pumped blood to the trainto keep it moving in the bifrost. RIP Sigyn and Loki but space lesbians never have happy endings in mechs albums.

What Do You Think Makes Them Tragic? *

I cant words about her. shes soooooo blorbo to me. okay so basically she had her memories taken from her we don't know why its never specified in canon and she only got them back when the apocalypse started. she remembers her wife Sigyn just in time to have her wife sit by her side for EIGHTY YEARS [all caps reads: eighty years] as her blood slowly drips away, just to buy the rest of the world a little more time before the apocalypse happens. EIGHTY YEARS [all caps reads: eighty years].

End ID

Note: the text was edited in the ID so that the first letter of characters’ names are uppercase, words such as “I’ve” are uppercase and have the apostrophe, to ensure all acronyms are all caps, and to add lowercase version of all caps non-acronym words and phrases; these were done for clarity purposes.]

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT: [SPOILERS AHEAD]

ORPHEUS:

LOKI:

[astxrope]

Smth I find adorable in the mechs albums is that despite. Well. EVERYTHING- They all seem to have one consistent theme.

Love.

OUATIS: Rose and Snow, Rose and Cinders, Cinders killing King Cole cus he killed her wife it’s very cute and very sad i love them

UDAD: Ulysses dies the only natural death in a Long Time ™️ to reunite with their dead wife, they love her and is like bitch take me now hurry up.

HNOC: … imma be real honest I haven’t finished listening to that yet. I’ve been busy?

TBI: Loki and Sigyn, they both know they’re doomed, but they don’t give a shit, time is time and even if you can’t prevent it you can delay it, and they’re together even in death, they lost eachother but they’re back together now and they ain’t goin nowhere. Also Loki’s HEARTS blood, her heart, like her love for everything and everyone, she’s giving her love and life to buy them more time even if it won’t change anything

It’s adorable I love it, our tragic lesbians (ulysses is enby it still counts)

[bugsinthebayou]

okay how do i get into the mechs ... i would like to know about these robots now i think

GRINS. HI. HELLO.

The Mechanisms are a steampunk space pirate storytelling band!! they are compromised of 9 members (up until one of them left). they retell myths n legends in space, tragic, and queer

they have four main story albums, a single, and two extra albums for extra stories

for the four main albums, you have to listen to all the tracks in order so i recommend listening on youtube

Once Upon A Time (In Space) is their first album. its fairy tales retold as an intergalactic war

Ulysses Dies At Dawn is their second one. this one is greek mythology

High Noon Over Camelot. oh boy high noon over camelot. my favorite mechs album and my favorite album just in general. arthurian legend retold as a space western

The Bifrost Incident. norse myth but eldritch horror

their single is Frankenstein (frankenstein except the monster is an AI), and their other two albums are Tales To Be Told volumes I and II. theyre both collections of extra songs that either work as standalone stories or fit into the same setting as one of the main albums but doesnt follow along the main plotline

they also have Death to the Mechanisms, which was a performance of some of their songs live plus a song of the same name as the album that describes how they died a final time. this was because they split up. no more mechs music </3

out of all of them i recommend hnoc the most. cuz its my favorite <3

i apologize for not explaining the albums further, but you asked about the mechs themselves so im gonna put more focus into explaining those guys

the mechanisms themselves are 9 immortal space pirates. they are immortal due to their mechanisms, mechanical replacements of certain body parts. they travel the galaxy on the starship known as Aurora, who is infact sentient and also dating the ship's engineer. they like to "have fun, violence, adventure, violence. violence." according to jonny

Jonny d'Ville - he/him. he's claims he's the ships captain. hes the first mate. he is the narrator to all of the albums and plays a number of characters. King Cole (ouat(is)), Ulysses (udad), Lancelot (hnoc), Galahad (hnoc), and the void (tbi) are a few. there's more, but theyre more minor. hes pretty shooty and has canonically committed every crime (that existed on a planet) except the sexual ones. his mechanism is his heart!

Gunpowder Tim - he/him. master at arms! hes another one that sings often. he also plays the guitar. a few characters hes been are Oedipus (udad), Gawain (hnoc), and Loki (tbi). his mechanism is his eyes. hes also on the violent side. he blew up the moon, as detailed in the song Gunpowder Tim vs The Moon Kaiser from the ttbt vol 1

Ashes o'Reilly - they/them. quartermaster. they sing often and their voice is beautiful <3 they play bass aswell. some characters theyve played are Hades/themself (udad), Mordred (hnoc), and Sigyn (tbi). their mechanism is their lungs. theyre also a mob boss and arsonist and have been since they were 12 years old, described in their backstory song Lucky Sevens

Drumbot Brian - he/him. pilot. he doesnt sing as often but its great when he does! he plays a few different instruments. a couple of his characters are Merlin/himself (hnoc) and the robot spouse in Stranger (ttbt vol 2). everything except his heart is mechanical. he was thrown into space because he brought someone back to life

The Toy Soldier - it/its. its just there!! it sings often and plays the mandolin. some characters are Cinders (ouat(is)), Orpheus (udad), and Guinevere (hnoc). its a toy soldier. it was never human it just started walking one day

Raphaella la Cognizi - she/her. science officer. she is another singer!! and pianist!! her voice is heavenly tbh. notable roles are Ariadne (udad), Ygraine (hnoc (one song but it Slaps)), and Odin (tbi). her mechanism is a pair of wings!

Marius von Raum - he/him. doctor (not even a doctor). he sings and plays violin. and mandolin the wiki says. Heracles (udad), Arthur (hnoc), Thor (tbi). his mechanism is his right arm

Ivy Alexandria - she/her. archivist. she plays a few wind instruments, no singing. her mechanism is her brain

Nastya Rasputina - she/her. engineer. she is in gay love with the sentient starship <3. she plays violin, no singing. her mechanism is her blood, which is mercury. she decided to go Out (she believed that aurora was no longer the same starship she fell in love with because of all the repairs over the centuries theyve been alive, so she takes the final piece of the original aurora and exits out of the airlock, never to be seen again) sometime after hnoc

and there you are!! them!!

despite me giving some examples to who they play in the albums, thats not all the characters they play. theres also extra characters in narration i didnt mention (ivy and nastya both have been in narration tracks before) and theres also characters they play in the extra songs in the tales to be told volumes

i hope you end up liking them <333 heres a photo of them all together for u

[ID: A group shot of the Mechanisms. End ID]

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Cartoon Network era of shows, who is your favorite character from each of the mid-2000s CN City-era shows you've seen like: Megas XLR, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, Life & Times of Juniper Lee, Camp Lazlo, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Ben 10 2005, Squirrel Boy, and Class of 3000?

Okay since I didn't fuckup last time we can jump straight in

Megas XLR: Coop. He's a fun walking disaster and voice acted amazingly. As for the show itself.. it's pure gold to me. A classic. A fun, nonsensical mech show with a clever premise and beautiful animation. It could use a tweak or two if it was revivied, but I dig it.

Fosters Home for IMaginary Friends; Wilt. He's one of Phil Lamar's best rolls, has a great design and the good wilt hunting special fleshed him out heartbreakingly. As for the show itself it's pretty good: it does suffer from that issue the earlier cn shows had where sometimes it's a bit too mean spirited, but it's not nearly as frequent and the colorful character design, wonderful premise, and truly outstanding cast from Frankie, everyone who was into women's crush as a kid, to Herriman who I hated as a kid (and still do at times, he's a prick), but now respect as a more complicated genltemanly prick who simply need to ease up a bit, but you get WHY he's like this as he's running a pretty wacky boarding house and madam foster while kind isn't really doing the day to day stuff. A truly great cartoon.

Hi HI Puffy AmiYumi: I like yumi. As for the series itself..ehhh. Besides the obvious of "You shoudln't of had two american women, even really talented ones, play two japanese women', it's just kinda .. there? the music's good, the character design is great, but it's got no real substance. Maybe on a rewatch i'd be wrong, but it's just kinda eh.

Life and Times of Juniper Lee: Out of the regular cast, Dennis, who evolved from "just kinda being there" to "a fun addition to the main cast". Supporting it's Kai Yee, as most of June's rogue's gallery is weak (Aunti Roo and Loki accepted), but he was the shot in the arm the series needed and had the series stuck around I wouldn't be suprised if we saw him again. The show itself is solid though: Judd WInnick copied Buffy's notes well, while adding his own spin to things, and the tragic idea of June being stuck is heartbreaking but intresting. IT has a good mythology, a solid lead and it's only weakness was June's friends being locked out, which is something they WERE going to work on but got canclled. Not in the highest tier of the animated superhero shows at the time (Jake Long eats it's lunch), but still worthy of being part of them all the same.

Camp Lazlo: Hard choice as everyone is pretty great, but I have to go with Edward who started as just a generic bully but evolved into this petty dick who can't accept no one likes him for good reason that just stands out to me. I do mean it when I say I love pretty much everyone though. This show is a fond part of my childhood, one I wish was streaming on max and given hbo's current practices, will hopefully land on Tubi as it's underated. Admiteely I love a good summer camp story, and this series might be why, so i'm biased.. but my love for Joe Murray's other big work helps me see it was also just THAT good, a fun summer camp adventure. Ignore the finale I haven't seen and don't intend to, but enjoy everything else. This series is a treasure that's on rocko's level, at least from memory and deserves all the praise.

My Gym Partner's A Monkey: MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY. I like Ingrid for her having to lean down and crush on Adam and I like Principal Bulfrog for both being hilarous and being at the center of the only episode I really loved so let's call this a tie. Their both great. And as you can tell by that last part yeah.. I hate this one. It has a decent if stupid premise, but it leans way too heavily on kafka comedy: adam tends to get buffeted around for no reason, jake is an asshole, and most of the cast follows suit. Even Bullfrog is a dick, he's just at least you know.. funny. The episode with the robot teachers is the one I like.. because it's just wacky nonsense and ends with a wizard for some reason. The show had chaotic energy but squandred it on making adam miserable when he'd done nothing wrong.

Ben 10: Vilgax. Max was close, he's a great mentor.. but Vilgax is such a memorable villian despite only showing up as an ominous guy in a tube for most of season one and only in his full glory four times, one of which I haven't seen. But Steve Blum leaves an impression for him, this unstoppable MONSTER who easily tears through Bens creatures. Ghostfreak is also close, but Vilgax has more personalitY: While his goals are simple, to conquer you get a sense of arrogance and superiority he ENTIRELY backs up. The series made their own thanos or darkseid and it was glorious. He suffers a bit in the sequels as the mouth thing was a BAD design choice, but man is he great. As for the series itself.. also great. Really need to rewatch it at some point, but it's a solid superhero show and sets itself apart from the other kid sueprhero works of the time.. by having it be a child instead of a teen, with all the impulsivness, over the top names and enthusasim that entails. Ben's a brat, but he's not a bad kid and his childish impulsivness lets the series go more places. The concept of taking dial h for hero and applying truly awesome alien designs to it is fucking brilliant and improves on the original idea amazingly. Add in tons of lore, great villians 3/4 seasons, and you can see why Cartoon Network milked this series as long as it did and why it'll probably return some day after some cooling off.

Squirrel Boy: Kurtwood Smith dad only for virtue of being voiced by Kurtwood Smith. I almost picked no one. This show wasn't good, it was boring and I don't like it. A waste of everyone involved and not one I really care to revisit. It's probably not bad as my memory but lord it isn't good.

Class of 3000: SING, NA NA NA NA NA. Principal Luna both for being consitantly funny and his awesome music number. And I only didn't see season 2 because I wasn't aware it happened till it was too late. I need to rewatch this one. A true cult classic that deserved better: Andre 3000 was clearly all in and game for whatever, the series itself had a great cast, and the musical numbers are all bangers all the time.

So that ends this one. Next I see a LOT more superhero shows coming, robots in disguise and more. I actually love doing this as it givces me a chance to talk about great shows I simply haven't yet.

[rainbowstargazerlilies]

Mechs Ships Tournament: Shipping Round 2 Poll 4

Propaganda:

Siegfried/Odette:

OKAY SO THERES SO MANY TIES BETWEEN THEM AND AUROA/NASTYA AND I AM ACTUALLY WORKING ON AN ANALYSIS OF SWAN SONG BUT LIKE IN ACTUAL CANON I 100% KNOW JONNY ONLY WROTE THIS SONG BC OF NASTYA SINCE THEY REMINDED HIM OF HER AND AURORA AND SHE WOULDNT WANT THEM TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT HER SO HE DID THE NEXT BEST THING.

escape pods still working fine/i won’t leave you

i cry everytime i hear swan song. this is the only mechs song i have ever cried to and that includes dttm. this tells you everything you need to know. both about me and how good this ship is!

the song.

swn sing

#cried the other day to swan song#odette repeating “escape pods still working fine” softer and softer#SHE WANTS THEN TO BUT UNDERSTANDS WHY THEY WONT LEAVE (tags via @thementalistscandidate)

Loki/Sigyn:

https://youtu.be/TdKCUmOa5Jw?si=Y3owraM96zp4kdrs and https://youtu.be/nxVjWJJmt9Q?si=76dQ6LBg00eldlUY

anti ship lesbians/sappics

Transgender lesbian anarchists.

spsaphics

Round-up for the round here

[douhavesomethingagainstdogs]

theyre very pretty,,it is a reference to uhmm. another mechs album:3 do you want to maybe listen to it. the bifrost incident. it has tragic lesbians and loki is a trans woman.or at least its implied bc shes played by a man (not in like a disrespectful way. its just the character hes playing yknow).its a retelling of the events of ragnarok but its like a train mystery AND theres eldritch horror. and did i mention lesbians. also odin is a hot evil woman. also the music is just like. fucking amazing

yessir!! gonna listen to it rn sounds like it's gonna be great i. love everything you jus said

also fun fact my nickname was odin when i was young cause i. would keep one of my eyes closed subconsciously all the time and. odin has one eye in the myths lol

[radiosandrecordings]

So, hot take, but I 100% believe that, by the end of TMA, the world will have been returned to close to normal. The world overall will have a happy ending. This does not mean the show won’t be tragic. It will be tragic, there is no way of denying that, but ‘tragedy’ doesn’t equate to ‘grimdark everything is ruined forever’. 

And the reason I think this is Melanie King. Not because she’ll do anything in particular to save it. She might do. She might not. I have the feeling that Georgie at least will play a big part in saving the world, but their future actions within the show don’t actually matter here. What matters is what has happened before. Which is that Melanie King has experienced her character arc. She was introduced to the story, she suffered, and she escaped. She, through her own hard work, earned her happy ending. She sacrificed her sight to free herself of the Beholding, and she got to move on and have the rest of her life with her girlfriend. 

Having the world stay in a state of constant terror would destroy everything Melanie worked for. It would just be entirely unsatisfying. Her entire arc was about recovery, about not letting her anger get the better of her, and how she went to therapy and got help and built a support system in Georgie. And what would a world of terror being her ending say to that? That that is worth nothing?That pursuit of recovery is futile in the face of all the fear in the world?

That’s just a horrible message to put in your story, and one I can guarantee Jonny would never give us. 

Linking from there, my second point is something the man himself said. In a twitch stream of Bloodborne, he at one stage said that he was going to skip a side quest because it was too sad. As far as I remember (The VOD is no longer available to check), his words were something along the lines of ‘It’s not a good tragedy story because there is no catharsis at the end’, and that the story was just sad and dark for the sake of it. That majorly helped to solidify my opinions of TMA and how it’s metaplot will go. There needs to be something at the end to have made the journey worth it. It will be tragic, because TMA is a tragedy, and it will be horrifying, because TMA is a horror, but it will also have that catharsis.

I, personally, believe Jon and Martin won’t survive the series. It’s almost certain Jon will die, and while I’m less sure of Martin (Mostly because he already had an arc about suicidal self-sacrifice), Helen’s comment about Martin not wanting to go through her tunnels without Jon and the general nature of the characters leads me to believe that one would not want to live without the other at this point. 

It would also be remiss not to mention the Mechanisms, because while I am incredibly in the ‘It’s not just Jonny’s band, please pay attention to the other people’ camp, he did write a large amount of it and I feel like the pattern there will probably influence TMA. Mechs endings are all bittersweet, but they do also end with the main couple (or trio) getting to be together, and the goal being accomplished. Loki and Sigyn literally get the line ‘At least they can die together’ as they sacrifice themselves to keep New Midguard safe (Not that that lasts forever, but honestly, it’s an hour long concept album, not a 200 episode podcast, the standards aren’t exactly 1:1). There again is that catharsis to them, OUATIS ends the war, UDAD Ulysses gets to die undisturbed by the Acheron, and in HNOC the world is too corrupt to continue so Mordred burns it. In TMA the world isn’t that corrupt though. It’s been shown time and time again that empathy and love and care for each other exists in the world and it’s the antidote to all the fear. Countless people, including Martin, are saved from the Lonely by love. Jon saved Daisy from the Buried because he wouldn’t let someone suffer like that. Even Agnes, someone raised from birth to be a messiah of the Desolation, doubted. She saw the good in humanity and she died because of it, because she’d been allowed to see the good side of living. It’s something worth not destroying, even when her most basic reason for existing was to destroy anything anyone else held dear.

And to top it all off, even without the type of story TMA is, or may be, not matter what character arcs are happening, no matter what the author has previously been involved in the writing of, from a story structure perspective, having the world stay dead would just… Be bad? Narratively? The three act structure of storytelling has, obviously, three acts. ‘Set up’, ‘Confrontation’ and ‘Resolution’. TMA, being something so incredibly long, doesn’t exactly conform to this, but it can be used loosely as a base. I would call S1 set up, S2-4 confrontation, with the season 4 finale as the obvious climax, and S5 the resolution. The world has gone to literal hell already, the stakes can’t be raised from here, so the threat level, which has been steadily rising and peaked in 160, can only go down from here. We need the resolution. All of season 5, imo, would feel like a waste if they got to the end and just. Jon died and the world continued to be hell done the end go home that’s the resolution to a five year story. That’s like if season 4 ended with Martin saying ‘I should stay in the Lonely’ and Jon going ‘Okay sure’ and leaving him there. We’d been building up to Martin rejecting the Lonely and him and Jon Seeing each other all season! What a failure of a story that would seem to just leave us there! And I feel like S5 ending with everything awful would undermine the entire story so far. TMA to me is a story about the effort it takes to be a good person despite situations you might have been put in, and an ending like that would fly in the face of all the themes we’ve seen so far. 

So overall, I think a term I like for the ending is bittersweet. It will be tragic and it will have hope in it. People will die, and people will live, and life will go on where it can. TMA has never shied away from the real world implications behind it’s story, season 5’s statements especially. It is aware of the story it’s telling and it’s going to be one that, I hope at least, will not leave listeners with a bad taste in their mouth, but instead tears in their eyes and the knowledge that the story of terror was worth something in the end.

[herding-octokittens]

Finally found the time to go watch the Death to the Mechanisms livestream (and then go listen to the songs that got cut out on Bandcamp), and I HAVE MANY TEARS THOUGHTS! (This is somewhat chronological, but only barely, and way longer than I intended)

The entire band just keeps pulling out more instruments! Marius switches from his violin to whatever that is in Thor and I had to do like a quadruple take. I’m pretty sure I counted like 17 guitars on stage at one time. Ivy has a trumpet. When did that happen? I don’t know, I’m just rolling with it. The Toy Soldier breaks out the tambourine. Cool! Guess that’s happening now!

Oh my gosh, Ashes and Tim singing together as Loki and Sigyn? I love them so much! Their voices are amazing!

Poor Lyf having to deal with Ivy, Raphaella, and Marius for sixty years... How many violins has he summoned? Where do they go? Does Lyf ever take them away and now they just have an evidence room entirely devoted to Marius’s violins? I can totally see all three of them just randomly pulling instruments out of nowhere. Ivy has a never ending supply of recorders and flutes and then one day Lyf stops by and she has a full on trumpet and he just walks away to try and quit right then and there. Raphaella has a grand piano once.

That laugh in Red Signal? When Lyf has finished the Yog-Sothoth chant and Jonny just starts his maniacal laughter?? That right there. That’s what I’m here for.

Squamous. Squamous the second. Squamous3. All the squamous. 

Raphaella’s new wings! Shiny and pretty and bright! I am very gay!

I legit didn’t notice when the Toy Soldier got on stage, I just heard it harmonizing in Lost in the Cosmos and was like “That’s new...”

“That was fucking depressing.” You want some livelier music? Yeah? Great! Here’s this upbeat jazzy blues song about the crime boss god of the dead and everyone losing everything they ever had in horrible, heart-wrenching ways!

Just because your prophecies are true doesn’t mean they’re useful, Brian. See: every Greco-Roman myth ever. Those oracles were really bad at making sure people actually understood tf was going on. Also, I really love Brian’s voice and I’m sad he doesn’t sing in more songs.

I mean, it is totally humanly possible to sing and play the drums and the guitar and the banjo and the accordion at the same time. Totally.

Jonny really goes for it as Galahad, and I give him all my respect. Fuck yeah! Top ten religious zealots of all time! Like the mice in a hat!

“No bearing on the validity of his baptisms.” Did you get baptized by him? Jonny?? Did you??? I need answers!!!

“Speaking of motherfuckers,” When were we talking about motherfuckers? I mean, I’m not complaining, Riddle of the Sphinx is a really fun song, but when? Where? Context? ...Nope? Cool.

“You’re projecting.” “Again.” “I really don’t think I am.” “Again.” No, you are definitely projecting, Jonny.

Moons in love? Gravity? Death of millions of people? End of entire civilizations? Lesbians? I don’t see a difference...

When Tim, Raphaella, Brian, and the Toy Soldier are doing the round at the beginning of Rose Red? All the feels!!! It’s one of my favorite Mechs songs ever because my summer camp sings it (albeit, different verses), and so having a full round going brought me back to good times! Y’know, back when people could gather in groups of more than three and sing together about depressing lacks of weddings. Good times!

And then the Toy Soldier starts singing again in Rose Red and now my heart is pumping and I’m about ready to straight up leave college and go on a madwoman rampage across the universe committing war crimes and having an over dramatic tragic wlw love story!

“But that’s not the death you came to see.” Nope! Not ready! You’ve already killed every single character in all of your albums, and then sung all the other death songs in this one single concert. I do not need this!

Jonny mentioned Nastya and I just had to pause and stop for a minute or twenty.

The music keeps shifting when they’re all dying!!! Raphaella’s harmonizing as she dives through a black hole, Blood and Whiskey playing behind Marius as he’s eaten alive, Lost in the Cosmos on the violin was when the dam of tears really broke, and then when Jonny calls them all the Toy Soldier’s friends???? NO! TOO MUCH!!

Gunpowder Tim died because of a fucking seatbelt... I don’t know how to deal... Such a mood...

Jonny watched Marius die. Jonny watched and timed and he was definitely waiting for Marius to come back to life so he could mock him, and then he didn’t and now I’m crying even harder.

And then Laid in Blood??? The book is closed so I’m going to go binge read fanfiction and pretend that didn’t happen.

“Sing along if you still know the words.” I, in fact, do not still know the words. I am a blubbering mess trying to stifle my everything because my roommate is currently asleep.

“It’s been ten years!” “Erm, ten millenium...” What even is time?

“The Toy Soldier as Jessica Law!” That doesn’t seem right, but I don’t know enough to say otherwise.

“Your humble first mate.” “First ma-” “Wait what?” “I know what I said!” It happened! He said it! He is the First Mate!

So that happened. I am crying a lot. If anyone wants to talk about literally anything Mechs related, please hit me up! Otherwise, I am probably going to be randomly spamming the tag this weekend...

[mandsleanan]

STRQ & Ozpin snippets that don’t warrant individual posts.

I've thought that perhaps Summer wasn't originally in love with Tai and was happy for his relationship with Raven, then after the latter left she didn't want her partner's daughter to grow up without a mother, and their romance grew from that. Likewise the reason Ruby ended up as Qrow’s protege was he saw his friend struggling to raise two little kids while grieving, and took on a more parental role with the pipsqueak to help Tai.

There was almost certainly Grimm Reaper parody porn. Qrow has probably watched all of it.

Despite his (and his former VA's) teasing, I actually do not think Qrow is promiscuous. His semblance could cause a lot of broken condoms, and given his feelings on Raven leaving Yang and the danger in his life, I can't see him ever entering a scenario that could leave a kid without a parent. Virgin! Qrow seems like a stretch but I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been celibate for a while now.

And if you think the drunkle's situation couldn't get any more tragic, remember that he probably couldn't be around his sister or Summer while they were pregnant because of his semblance. Or his nieces during the SIDS period. It's possible that time he saved Ruby as a wee toddler was the first time he'd been able to see her up close.

Going by the size and shape of the bird model, Raven also turns into a crow. I bet that pisses her off to no end and it fills me with glee.

That Weiss saw a big crow and immediately thought it was a raven like people do IRL also cracks me up.

That the relic attracting Grimm never seemed to come up except in the beginning of the last volume made me wonder if Ozpin had misunderstood what it's doing- like maybe it didn't act as a dinner gong in itself, but it calls up and enhances the worst parts of a person, like The One Ring or Loki's staff in The Avengers- and that is what attracts Grimm. It would also explain why the whole group had such a hive mind reaction to Oz's past tragedies, and why Cordo turned a mech cannon on a teenage girl immediately after it looked like she was considering Ruby's words.

By contrast, my partner thought that perhaps not only do silver eyes dissolve Grimm, but they also act as a rallying force for humanity, bringing the best parts of our nature to the fore. The opposing forces of the two are about the only thing that can explain the whiplash of Cordo’s 180.

Before we learned about Humanity 1.0 and 2.0, I'd assumed that Oz's semblance was Wizardry- the ability to acquire and use other semblances by copying them, like a wizard learning new spells.

Oscar has gotten so little onscreen development it would have been better to keep Oz around instead, even if he was incapacitated or diminished in some way. It would have cut down on the character glut and made the group dynamic more interesting.

[mythologeekwriter]

This is tangentially related to this post, a fact that will probably tell you something about my thought process.

Anyway, once I've finished this work, I'm going to try knock off a one-shot. So, come tell me which one you want to see written the most (only if you feel like it). Mutuals/people I've spoken to feel free to pester me into remembering to write the thing.

Options, divided by fandom (numbers are just for convenience of the list, so you can distinguish things from each other)

Mechs: - Loki/Sigyn fic 1 (This one is already part written so it probably won't take as long to write. this is one of the tragic ones, though it does start happy. it's canon compliant so...) - Cinders fic 1 (Who wants a tragic lesbian? this is just going to be me having emotions about her tbh.) - Cinders/Rose fic 1 (Not super tragic, but we all know what's going to happen. Romance!) - Loki/Sigyn fic 2 (Dramatic heists but like in a funny one. cool wlw. not tragic, but again, we do know what happens in canon.) - Mordred fic 1 (He makes me sad and I will make that your problem) - Raphaella/Ivy fic 1 (Can I interest you in some mildy murderous wlw?) - Ariadne fic 1 (Ariadne's perspective on the events leading up to canon) - Ariadne fic 2 (I am going to poke Ariadne and Theseus's relationship with a stick) - Ariadne fic 3 (What if Ariadne lived? She can have a little murder as a treat - Lyf fic 1 (Lyf post-bifrost. tragic. potentially eldritch au.) - Suits fic 1 (I want to explore their relationships with each other.

TMA: - Somewhere else au 1 (Martin lands somewhere else alone.) - Georgie/Melanie fic 1 (What if they were both avatars? This one is already fully planned out) - fic from my everyone's an avatar au 1 (this is planned to be a series of oneshots. what it says on the tin.)

That's it! If you want more information about any of these I'd love to talk about them. And I really will write the thing this time I promise. Decision making has been outsourced, I await a reponse.

[svartalfhild]

Fanfic by xChampionOfNiflheimx

Rating: T Genre: Supernatural, Humor, Romance Words: 1,190 Summary: The young witch Rowan Axel writes anime fanfiction while her familiar judges her.  - - - «Vendrás conmigo»? dije? sin que nadie supiera dónde y cómo latía mi estado doloroso, y para mí no había clavel ni barcarola, nada sino una herida por el amor abierta. 

(Come with me, I said, and no one knew where, or how my pain throbbed, no carnations or barcaroles for me, only a wound that love had opened.)

~X~

There was no funeral for Cillian Bran, for despite the cries for justice from the dramatist’s adoring fans, he had been named an enemy of the state, not fit for any recognition.  And so here Theo Velasquez stood in the scrap yard, feline ears drooping as he watched Cillian’s mech, Hemlock’s Shade, be broken down, piece by piece.

As they carried away each component, Theo felt as if they were carrying away a piece of his heart, leaving him hollow and wondering what was left for him on this world.

“Wow, you’re laying it on thick.  Did you have a bad day?” Rowan’s snake familiar, Dave, asked upon poking his head out from under an open book at the witch’s side, which had the words “The Collected Works of Pablo Neruda” stamped across the spine.  Rowan stopped typing and turned to Dave only to give him a “Did I ask?” look.  “Hey, I’m not the one writing tragic romance fic and quoting love poetry,” Dave responded with a wiggle his owner had come to understand as a shrug.

“Listen, in the Firebrands fandom, it’s practically law that you have to put poetry in your fic.  To quote tumblr user rita-callwhomst ‘if it’s not extra af, what is even the point’,” Rowan countered, punctuating her statement by taking a Pringle from the can sitting on her other side and pointedly breaking off half of it between her teeth.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question,” Dave insisted and Rowan gave an exasperated sigh.

“I’m fine.”

“Rowan.”

“Fuck off, Dave.  I need to finish this update.”  With this, Rowan returned to her typing and blatantly ignored further prodding from her snake.

He didn’t know what would become of him now.  He didn’t know if he could continue to take paychecks from the people who had murdered Cillian.  His first thought was to fully take up his lover’s cause, but he found his heart soured to the idea.  The rebels had done nothing to protect Cillian; how could he stand with them?

Perhaps it would be best if he took his mech and left this planet altogether to make his own way.

“Smells like projecting,” Dave commented.  Rowan threw up her hands in frustration and glared at the snake coiling himself across her lap.

“Boy, why you gotta be all up in my business?”

“I can sense what you’re feeling.  It’s part of the whole familiar package, remember?  It’s my job to be concerned for you.”

“Listen.  I did what you asked.  I’m being more social.  I’ve let Rufus ‘Ghost of a Fucking Dead Man’ Grunberg into my life.  Can we just leave it there?”

“No, because you’re clearly beating yourself up about something.”  With this, Dave nudged his little head into Rowan’s side.  She irritatedly scooped him off her lap and set him behind her, saying nothing further as she attempted to get back to her writing.  She skipped ahead to a different section, hoping it would throw Dave off.

Saying farewell to Rita was not going to be easy.  Theo knew that.  His chest ached at the thought of it.  He hated the idea of wiping the smile off his dear friend’s face and it was written plain as any of his emotions across his feline features, ears drooping with melancholy as he approached the Calloughn estate.

He wandered for several minutes across the vast and carefully landscaped grounds, heading towards the great mansion that stood, old and strong, in white stone at the heart of the lush green property.  About halfway there, however, as he came around a row of trees, he heard voices and saw movement at the corner of his eye.

There, standing in the shade of a willow tree, were Rita and Dante, who appeared to be having an argument.

“Don’t you understand?  This isn’t how my life was supposed to be!  Before our mothers forced us into this for their own convenience, I was going to live my life how I wanted to, be what I wanted to be, be with whom I choose!” Rita ranted, hands gesturing wildly to express what seemed to be a great deal of pent up frustration.  Dante, in return, did not seem so much angry as...perhaps sad?  He was calm as he gave his reply.

“That can still be your life.”

“I don’t want to love you, Dante!  However much you might speak of honor and respect and duty or impress me with your sword,” Rita shot back.  Theo had never seen her so emotional.  The words seemed to come out of her with a great violence, as if she were trying to rip these feelings from her very being.  He desperately wanted to go to her, to take her away from the bastard who had so upset her, but he dared not move from where he stood.

“But do you, Rita?  Do you...do you love me?”  Dante’s voice was almost too soft to be heard as he said this and Rita went still.  For what felt like an eternity, there was no movement or sound between them, only Rita staring in shock at her fiancé, but then Dante spoke again.  “If you don’t, then I will release you from our engagement and never darken your doorstep again.  I could never bear to rob you of your freedom”.

There was a brief moment in which silence and stillness fell again before Rita appeared to make her choice, taking Dante’s face in her hands and pulling him down for a fiery kiss.  He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer-

“There it is,” Dave interrupted once again, an irritating smugness in his tone.

“There’s what?” Rowan groaned.

“This absolutely wreaks of projection.  Things going well with Rufus, are they?”

“The fuck you talking about, Dave?”  There was a serious and defensive edge to Rowan’s tone now as she scowled at her snake, who looked back at her innocently, only frustrating her further.  “There are no ‘things’ with Rufus, got it? He’s just a dude I know who I see sometimes outside of class, which was your idea, by the way, so don’t be acting like there’s shit there that ain’t.”

“Wow, do you not even realize how much you sound exactly like your fanfiction?”

“Shut the fuck up or I’ll lock you in your tank.”  It was very clear now that Rowan was not even remotely playing around anymore and Dave seemed to get the message, because he finally slithered away.

“Someone needs to review Loki’s Rule,” he called as he went.

Rowan huffed and returned to her writing, finishing out her fic update in peace.  Who cared what Dave had to say about her personal life when there were people out there waiting for more angst fic from xChampionOfNiflheimx?

- - -

A/N: Firebrands isn’t a real anime.  It’s actually another RPG that my group plays and it’s an anime in the universe of our Monsterhearts game.

Also, Loki’s Rule is a tenet of the Rökkatru sect of Norse paganism which states that no matter what lies you might tell others, you must always be honest with yourself, and the greatest honor is speaking the truths others are afraid to hear.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Marvel Cinematic Universe review

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is one of the biggest and most ambitious franchises ever made. While not the first franchise ever to attempt a shared universe, it is definitely the one that codified how to pull them off in the modern day, and it has proven to be an incredible, unbelievable success. I mean, as good as Iron Man was, no one ever truly expected the little Nick Fury cameo at the end to ever be anything more than a neat little mythology gag. And yet, here we are, nearly a decade later, with it being the highest grossing franchise in cinematic history and with it containing some of the very best superhero films ever made.

Of course, there being fifteen movies so far, and with more on the way, it would be an enormous task to review them all individually… so, to celebrate the impending release of Spider-Man: Homecoming, I will be doing a similar thing as I did to the View Askiewniverse and touching upon each of the Marvel films thus far released. However, for the Guardians of the Galaxy films, Civil War, and Doctor Strange, I will keep things brief, as my reviews of them are still new enough to accurately reflect my opinions (Age of Ultron is not so lucky here).

There is no better place to start than the start, so let’s lok at the film that began it all: Iron Man. It is the tale of egotistical millionaire Tony Stark and how, after a brush with death that had him kidnapped by terrorists and crippled, he decided to change for the better and don a robot suit so he could protect the world from devastation. One of his big goals is to clean up the mess his company has made in the world, which not everyone likes, particularly Obadiah Stane.

This movie is probably most well known for resurrecting the career of Robert Downey, Jr. after he struggled for years with addiction and had a downward spiral. This is a truly triumphant return, and his negative experiences definitely helped him out with this role of a self-destructive playboy who realizes he should dedicate himself to a better cause. RDJ truly captures what his character is and what he should be, and thanks to his performance, he not only saved his career, he saved the character as well, who had not exactly been popular due to the recent Civil War event in the comics and his unnecessarily extreme actions therein. It’s a twofold saving, and boy is it a blast!

One part of the film that is not often talked about is the villain, Obadiah Stane, who is played by Jeff “The Dude” Bridges. As the very first Marvel supervillain, he does leave a bit of an impression with his  exclamation of how Tony built his first Iron Man suit IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS! He eventually suits up in a gigantic mech suit, and becomes the typical “Evil version of the hero” that we’ve all come to know and love… but, to be fair to him, he was the first one. As far as “Evil version of the hero”-type villains go, Obadiah Stane is enjoyable and memorable. He was originally planned to have a “never found the body” situation going on at the end of the film, hinting he could eventually return, but as it’s not in the final cut, we kinda have to assume that this was part of the annoying “kill the cool villain” trend the movies would follow for years.

This movie has a reputation as being one of the greatest superhero movies ever made, and it really isn’t undeserved. This film has kickass action, great characters, intriguing foreshadowing that actually payed off, and yet it still works easily as a standalone. This right here is how superhero films should be made, but the fact that so many later superhero films, including later MCU films and the DCEU films prior to Wonder Woman, decided to focus on cramming in so much crap that requires you to watch previous and later films to understand them, it seems not many got the memo. Franchise building isn’t always bad guys, but take notes; work on being good on your own first.

The Incredible Hulk is next up on the list, and this is one of the most obscure films in the MCU. NOBODY talks about this movie. I’d understand if people thought Mark Ruffalo was the first Hulk in the MCU; this movie is hardly ever referenced even in later films, all its plot threads seem to have been dropped, and it took until Civil War for one of its characters to reappear. For the life of me, I’ll never understand why; this movie is a fantastic example of worldbuilding while still remaining a solid standalone film. The plot is relatively simple: Bruce Banner wants to be left alone so he can cure himself, but after accidentally poisoning a man with his blood after it got into some soda (you read that right), General Ross and Emil Blonsky are on his trail; for those not in the know, Blonsky becomes one of Hulk’s most famous foes, Abomination.

Edward Norton is Bruce Banner here, and you can tell he really is a fan of the comics, because he does an excellent job; he apparently did a lot of uncredited rewriting and even directed some of his own scenes. William Hurt as Ross is also perfect, which of course is helped by the fact that Hurt is a big fan of Hulk. Then of course there’s Liv Tyler as Betty Ross, and she’s actually one of the better love interests in the MCU, to the point where it’s honestly offensive she hasn’t reappeared and instead has been replaced with Black Widow of all people as Bruce’s love interest.

The movie has solid action and a solid final fight, with Abomination being a pretty good “Evil version of the hero” villain. He’s not spectacular or anything, but he’s definitely threatening and pretty cool. So how then did this become such an obscure film in one of the biggest franchises? I imagine part of the problem is being screwed over by Universal, who owns the distribution rights for Hulk solo films. This movie just couldn’t be followed up, and so Hulk is relegated to ensemble casts. This leaves a lot of the characters in limbo, which includes Abomination and Leader (who had his origin shown in the film). And this is a real shame, because like I said, there’s some great worldbuilding here; the super-soldier serum is mentioned, there’s Stark weaponry, and in an alternate opening with the Hulk running through the arctic we get a glimpse of the frozen Captain America. Honestly, I think aside from the issue with the film rights, the fact that this movie can mostly be described as “Solid” is the reason why it has faded from the public consciousness; it lacks the OOMPH so many of the later films and even Iron Man before it had, and nowadays aside from looking for all the foreshadowing it’s hard to watch and care about these characters who will never show up again. It’s a damn good movie in my eyes, but I can see why it is relegated to a footnote in the MCU.

Next up is Iron Man 2. Fuck this movie. I fucking hate this movie with every fiber of my being. It is an awful, bloated, unfocused, cluttered, and disrespectful mess of the film. This film is a fucking travesty in every single regard, except perhaps casting Don Cheadle as James Rhodes. The plot deals with the fallout of Tony outing himself in the last movie, with industrialist Justin Hammer breathing down his neck as congressional hearings try and force him to share his tech. There’s also a pissed off Russian named  Ivan Vanko who wants to get vengeance on him, oh yeah and Black Widow is also unceremoniously stuffed into the film alongside Nick Fury so this can basically act as a trailer for the upcoming movie about the Avengers. This was due to executive meddling, to the point where jon Favreau didn’t direct the third Iron Man. Marvel had bad problems with executive meddling in their early days.

This movie fucking offends me. First off, they waste Mickey Rourke as the villain Whiplash; Mickey Rourke was pissed with the execs making his character into a cartoonish villain when he was trying to play him as a human, an anti-villain… and so he proceeded to spew vitriol at everyone involved, meaning even if Whiplash survived it’s unlikely he’ll be back. So we wasted the one interesting villain, and who are we left with? Justin fucking Hammer, one of the most unfunny, annoying cunts in comic book movie history. He is easily one of the worst superhero movie villains ever made; he’s annoying, he’s cloying, and he sucks away screentime that could have been devoted to Whiplash. He’s an absolute waste of a villain.

Then we have Tony’s “Demon in a Bottle” arc, the arc where his rampant alcoholism threatens to ruin his life. This is a tragic part of the character, and the film was going to delve deeper into it. And hey, this would have been great! RDJ could add a lot to such an emotional arc due to his own experiences! Guess what they do instead?

They play Tony’s alcoholism for laughs. Have I mentioned I fucking hate this movie?

This movie sucks ass. It’s fucking awful and feels like a shitty trailer for better movies, which is exacerbated by how shoehorned in Black Widow and Fury are. The movie is a bloated, disgusting mess, crushed by bad decisions and executive meddling. It is easily the worst movie in the entire MCU, but believe me it has some competition… which I’ll get to soon enough.

After that travesty, we have Thor. Thor I can best describe as being a precursor to Wonder Woman in a lot of ways, which is reflected in the story to an extent: it’s about a god – er, or an ALIEN – who is banished by his father after being a disobedient shit. He gets sent on down to Earth, while his half-brother Loki plots and schemes back on Asgard. Okay, so it’s not entirely like Wonder Woman, but still, there are similarities.

The biggest similarity is probably Chris Hemsworth as Thor, who exudes a childlike, boyish charm as Thor when he is down on Earth among the mortals. It’s not the same charm Diana has in Wonder Woman, but it’s not wholly dissimilar. Their origins too, as mighty gods who go to live among mortals and fight alongside them, is likewise similar. Of course, there are big differences too: the biggest one is while Wonder Woman surrounds herself with a cool human supporting cast, Thor surrounds himself with one of the worst fucking supporting casts I’ve ever seen. Special mention must go to the cliically unfunny Kat Dennings, who sucks the joy out of every scene she’s in with her relentlessly awful attempts at humor. Natalie Portman is a bland, flat love interest who has almost no chemistry with Thor, a nd the old scientist guy is so generic I forgot his name. This is a damn shame, because his supporting cast on Asgard was fantastic, with Heimdall getting special mention for being an utter badass guardian played by Idris Elba. I’d much rather watch the cosmic adventures of Thor and his Asgardian buddies than him pal around with boring humans, but ah well.

Still, at least we have a cool villain this time around. Loki is pretty interesting, and Tom Hiddleston does an excellent job with him. He would only get better and more entertaining in later films, but this was solid groundwork to establish him. Hilariously, Roger Ebert hated this film and had this to say in his review: “The standards for comic book superhero movies have been established by Superman, The Dark Knight, Spider-Man 2 and Iron Man. In that company Thor is pitiful. Consider even the comparable villains (Lex Luthor, the Joker, Doc Ock and Obadiah Stane). Memories of all four come instantly to mind. Will you be thinking of Loki six minutes after this movie is over?" This is just one of the most hilariously ironic reviews I’ve ever seen, as Loki has come to be one of the best and most memorable Marvel villains (mostly due to the fact he doesn’t die).

Overall, I feel like this movie suffers from the same thing The Incredible Hulk did; it’s a darn good movie with a lot of value that also works as a standalone film, but it’s easy to see it as exceedingly average due to its faults. At least this movie got followed up… though… eh. We’ll get there soon enough. As it stands, Thor is a good if not great film that establishes Thor well enough.

Next up is one of my personal favorites, Captain America: The First Avenger. I love me some pulpy 1940s style two-fisted tales, and this delivers that fun in spades. Sometimes you just wanna see a handsome blonde man punch Nazis in the face, and boy does this film deliver. The story tells the tale of how wimpy but strong-hearted Steve Rogers goes from a scrawny little man into the gorgeous beefcake American hero that is Captain America, and how he fought against Red Skull and HYDRA.

This movie has a lot of silly Golden Age elements to it that would not work in any other context other than the most patriotic superhero’s first big movie. The biggest, of course, being Cap himself. He’s a character that is really hard to pull off… and yet, Chris Evans did it, and perfectly so. I’ll let this excerpt from TVTropes’s YMMV page for the movie speak for itself:

“It's always an issue to adapt Captain America to any medium, because a character who is actually living up to his own principles of righteousness can far too easily come off as straight-out Narm, and by all rights that's exactly what this film should be. But somehow it comes out as a genuine, heartwarming, awesome, tear-jerking, triumphal ode to true patriotism and human goodness instead, a feat that should have been impossible outside the Golden Age of Hollywood. The writers, director, and Chris Evans deserve a lot of credit for striking the right tone with Cap: The Herois a trope that's almost never played straight anymore, without veering into self-parody or coming off as self-righteous.”

I really could not have summed it up better myself.

Now, let us talk about the villain, Red Skull, who is played by a deliciously hammy Hugo Weaving. Hugo Weaving is an actor I love in nearly everything, because he always brings exactly what is needed, and boy does he do that here. He’s sick, depraved, truly evil, and just oh so delightfully hammy. The man is basically if M. Bison as played by Raul Julia was in a Marvel film, and that I think is the highest compliment you can give a hammy villain. The best part: While he is defeated in the end, his use of the Cosmic Cube seems to imply he could survive, leaving him open to return. The bad news: he hasn’t appeared since, and for years after, Hugo Weaving took a very negative attitude to the role, implying he only did it for money… until a 2016 interview showed he had softened considerably, and thought the role was awesome. Please Marvel. Bring this man back. We need more of his evil Nazi hamminess, especially since you fucking wasted Baron Strucker (we’ll get to that soon enough).

If I’m gonna criticize anything here, it’s gonna be the Howling Commandos. As a point of comparison, let us bring up Wonder Woman again; she too assembled a multi-national ragtag group of misfits, and all of them had plenty of character and development, and to top it off, it’s pretty obvious they were meant to be a substitute for the Commandos. But despite they, they’re actually BETTER, as the Howling Commandos barely have any presence at all in this film. I couldn’t tell you a single thing they did. They’re dull wastes of character space, and it’s a shame.

Still, overall, the movie is fantastic pulpy fun, and it ends on the biggest tearjerker of Phase 1. It’s a pretty simple film, and at times it can seem corny and silly, but like I said in Wonder Woman, it’s all part of the charm of these optimistic superhero films that harken back to the Golden Age. And hey, I find it hard to give a movie that subtly implies Indiana Jones is canon in the Marvel universe anything but two thumbs up.

Finally, after all the buildup, we come to the big conclusion of Phase 1: The Avengers. And after all the buildup, all the development, was it worth the wait? HELL FUCKING YES IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! This movie kicks a whole lot of ass, and is one of the biggest, best, and flashiest superhero films ever made. This is the film where Thor, Cap, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye, and Black Widow all unite to take down Loki and his alien army before they destroy the world; how much cooler does it get?

The movie’s greatest strength is just the sheer spectacle of it all; this kind of film was unheard of. Who would have thought a movie like this would exist when Iron Man first came out? Seeing all these huge actors as heroes onscreen together, fighting against Loki… it’s just amazing. The writing and humor here is actually really on point, which can be jarring after seeing the much denser and wackier dialogue of Age of Ultron; it makes one wonder if the execs forced Joss Whedon to add more humor to that film. All these pieces are in place, and it is just a joy to see them come together.

Even better, it’s not totally required to watch every movie before to understand all of the characters; the film does a pretty good job of establishing everyone. Sure, it HELPS, but you can get a feel for each one of the heroes just from this film. It especially helps with Bruce, since it’s Mark Ruffalo now in the role and no one really remembered Hulk’s one MCU solo outing anyway. Speaking of which, Mark Ruffalo is a highlight of the film; he’s the best Bruce Banner yet by far, and his Hulk is the best yet scene in film.

If there are any criticisms to go around, it’s that Cap doesn’t get to do as much, and a lot of the badass normal heroes kind of get shafted. Sure Cap, Widow, and Hawkeye do some cool shit, but it’s Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man who pull of the big, flashy, exciting moments in the big final fight. I get that you gotta make Hulk cool considering his lackluster past films, but do ya gotta steal Cap’s thunder to do it?

Overall though, The Avengers still holds up as a great, exciting superhero extravaganza and one of the best crossover films ever made, and it’s definitely one of the best MCU offerings. It has its flaws, but the sheer excitement and comic book joy of the film shine through, making it a must-see experience.

Phase 1 ended on such a high note… how do we kick off Phase 3? With another shitty Iron Man sequel, of course! To be totally fair, this movie is a hell of a lot better than Iron Man 2… but a lot of things are better than that, so it isn’t saying much. This time Tony Stark has the bright idea of antagonizing a terrorist organization known as the Ten Rings and their leader, the Mandarin. This backfires, and soon Tony is uncovering evil plots and shit.

This movie fucks up badly, especially in the villain department. Most of the enemy mooks are people injected with Extremis, a drug that gives them powers… the problem is, most of these mooks are disabled military vets who are now willingly and gleefully acting out terrorist attacks on their fellow Americans, up to and including a plot to assassinate the president. Look, I get sometimes it’s dumb to read into things in movies too much, but there’s really no way I can read this that isn’t pretty fucked.

As if that isn’t bad enough, we come to the issue with the Mandarin… and shockingly, it’s not about race or the “Yellow peril” origins of the character. For most of the movie, we are led to believe the Mandarin is played by Ben Kingsley, and he does an absolutely excellent job at making the Mandarin menacing, chilling, hammy, and intimidating all at once. He’s the perfect modern update of the villain… and sadly, he is not actually the Mandarin. He is an actor named Trevor Slattery. Slattery still manages to be one of the bright spots of the movie… something that does not extend to the true villain Killian, played by Guy Pearce. He’s an extremely boring, generic, and forgettable foe, and his claims that he is in fact the real Mandarin opened so many plotholes it’s no wonder they had in development a short where the real Mandarin sends out pissed off enforcers to call bullshit on his and Trevor’s schemes.

There’s just not much to recommend here. The movie is just a dull slog with a few bright spots here and there, and even the ending is bullshit with Tony seeming like he’s giving up superheroics for good… and then by his next appearance he’s back to being a hero with a new set of armor even though all his suits were destroyed in this movie. This one just sucks, though not as bad as the second one; there’s at least a bit more to like here.

And now we go from bad to worse, for we land on Thor: The Dark World, which is an incredibly awful movie. The plot involves evil elves invading Asgard looking for a magic MacGuffin to do things and… look, the only reason anyone bothered with this fucking movie is because Loki is in it, and by god, the forty minutes he’s in it are just fantastic and funny. His interactions with Thor are nothing short of hilarious, and the fact he actually comes out on top in this movie is intriguing. Props to the film for that at least.

Too bad the film sucks in nearly every other conceivable way. The major focus on the human characters is the worst of all; Natalie Portman is given a disproportionately large amount of screentime and hogs the plot, and Kat Dennings is back and as relentlessly unfunny as ever. She is like a cancerous tumor on an already foul film. And as if the humans aren’t bad and obnoxious enough, we have the villain, Malekith the Accursed, a dark elf who has some of the most generic and boring motives ever despite looking absolutely cool. He is one of the worst comic book movie villains ever, hands down, and it’s such a shame because he’s played by the usually amazing Christopher Eccleston. To say that he was wasted here is a crass understatement.

There’s not much else to say here; this is an awful, shitty movie. The saving graces are Loki’s screentime and maybe the final battle, but even that is interjected with some unfunny humor, and the lack of a solid villain really drags the film down. This film is utter crap, but at least there’s a bit to recommend here, which is more than I can say for Iron Man 2.

Well we’ve got two strikes down, so this is Marvel’s last swing… can they save their asses? I mean, this is a sequel, to Captain America: The First Avenger of all things, this couldn’t possibly be that good, right?

WRONG.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is not only one of the very best films in the entire MCU, it is one of the greatest superhero movies ever made, and probably the greatest adaptation of Metal Gear Solid we’ll ever get. I’m not kidding, everything’s there: a genetically modified super soldier fighting against a shadowy conspiracy that wants to use a giant war machine to attack the world’s population, all the while fighting a crazy cyborg version of their best friend. Also there’s a fight in an elevator and an evil AI that has been manipulating the world from behind the scenes. If you can’t already tell, I fucking love this movie.

A big plus is that this is less straight-up superhero action for the most part, and more an action thriller. This lets Steve use his badass super soldier skills to their fullest extent against armies of armed mooks. Even more amazingly, this movie does a good job at making Black Widow likable and interesting, and she has very good chemistry with Steve. Best of all, though, is the introduction of Anthony Mackie as Falcon, Cap’s new best buddy and a badass hero in his own right who helps solve this big HYDRA conspiracy. And despite his limited screentime, Sebastian Stan makes an impression as the incredible, unstoppable, hardcore titular Winter Soldier, AKA Bucky Barnes, Cap’s long-lost friend.

This movie is the one all Marvel sequels would be judged by afterwards. Well, for a while at least; this movie’s own sequel managed to top it somehow. But yes, this movie is absolutely fucking fantastic, a modern classic of the superhero genre, and one of the best Marvel sequels ever made. Not bad, especially since unlike Iron Man or Thor the original movie is not the biggest or most critically acclaimed Marvel film (Though t still got a mostly positive reception). The fact it managed to produce a sequel superior to the first while Thor and Iron Man’s sequels ended up being shit is nothing short of impressive.

After this movie came Guardians of the Galaxy, which I reviewed recently on Michael After Midnight. Needless to say, it’s an amazing film, akin to a modern-day Star Wars, and I truly love it… though at this point, I fully admit its sequel is far superior. If you want a general idea of my thoughts on the film, just click the link there.

So how do you follow up two incredibly epic game-changing movies? With an Avengers sequel! Joss Whedon is back, the cast is all here, what could possibly go wrong?

A whole fucking lot.

This movie had tons of executive meddling, so much it drove Whedon nuts. But executive meddling can’t take all the blame for the shoddy script and the piss-poor mishandling of characters. One of my biggest regrets is saying this was one of the better MCU films in my review; it most definitely is not. But on the other hand, unlike the Iron Man sequels or Thor: The Dark World, there really is a lot of genuinely good stuff in this movie. Look at the plot: Tony, desperate to keep the world safe, creates an AI that ends up going rogue… that AI being Ultron. Now they gotta stop this AI before it wipes out humanity. There’s a lot of good potential in this story! But sadly, this potential is not fully realized.

Let me talk about the good stuff first. The big draw is the action setpieces, which are a bit more spectacular than before… or they would be the big draw, but since the story is so messy, it’s hard to care too much. At least there’s more action scenes. The REAL draw here is  this stretch of time where the Avengers are at Hawkeye’s cabin; this lets all of the characters interact with each other in a close space, and see how everyone plays off each other. It’s absolutely fantastic, and it’s a shame the whole movie isn’t as tightly written as these scenes. Hell, they manage to make Black Widow, who tends to be a dull and uninteresting character, more human with a bit of tragic backstory.

The new characters here are fascinating as well; Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Ulysses Klaue, Vision… all of these characters are pretty interesting and cool. In concept, at least. While Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver get a solid amount of screentime since they’re working for Ultron for most of the film before switching sides, by the film’s end Quicksilver is killed. Vision only appears immediately before the final fight, Klaue is just a cameo (albeit a really good one) to set up Black Panther… none of these characters really feel organically added, they feel crammed in to set up future films, leading to Age of Ultron feeling like a trailer for better movies to come.

Look at the original Avengers movie; you could jump into that from just about anywhere in your Marvel viewing experience and get it, and they don’t throw too much new at you. Here, they’re flinging all sorts of new shit at you that you pretty much NEED to watch the other movies to really get this one. Hell, and even that doesn’t help too much, since there are still things like Thor’s weird, nonsensical vision and Bruce and Natasha’s out of nowhere romance.

Of course, the absolute worst part of this film is the absolutely horrendous script. It’s not entirely bad, but there are lines like “She’s weird and he runs fast” (describing Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, respectively) and Black Widow going “Beep beep” while she rides through a crowd and Tony’s infamous “prima noctis” joke… the movie is just so dense with garbage writing like this that it’s impossible to take seriously and it deflates the tension when it constantly happens in battles. Now, there are still some good and genuinely funny moments, like when Vision lifts the hammer or Klaue’s entire scene, but there’s plenty of cringe inducing stuff that proves when it comes to Whedon’s writing, lightning DOES strike twice… do you want to know what happens when Whedon’s writing is hit by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

Now, finally, let’s talk about the villains… oh, sorry, VILLAIN, they decide to anticlimactically kill Baron Strucker offscreen after the opening, so no point in discussing him! Ultron is the biggest saving grace of the film… as well as yet another example of Marvel getting rid of their most interesting villains. Ultron has solid motives, an interesting plan, and with more fleshing out could have served as an incredible reoccuring antagonist… so of course he is blown up by the end of the film, because his name isn’t Loki. HOWEVER, everything is ambiguous enough that he could realistically return; guy had to hide a backup somewhere, yeah? James Spader did such a good job at making Ultron both creepy and charismatic it would be a crime to not use his talents again, though since Marvel isn’t exactly begging Hugo Weaving to be Red Skull again at the moment, I won’t hold my breath. What makes this a bit more bitter is that, overall, Ultron was the best villain in all of Phase 2.

Age of Ultron is a film that can only be described as messy. Honestly? I’d say it’s a bit worse than Iron Man 3. That film may not be very good, but at least it was a bit more focused and the humor didn’t clog every single action scene and they didn’t try and cram fifty new characters to act as teasers for better movies into the plot. This film actually has a lot in common with Batman v Superman; the story is cluttered and unfocused and choked by the tone of the rest of the film, there are superfluous cameos and character insertions that are advertising better films to come, and obviously both are lukewarm superhero crossover films. Age of Ultron has a better villain, however, while Batman v Superman has much better fight scenes, and also Batman doesn’t make an awkward and forced rape joke so that’s good. In all honesty, I’d rather watch Batman v Superman over this; that movie may be dark and dour, but I can handle grim and gritty more than I can handle horribly painful and unfunny jokes ruining most every action scene. Age of Ultron is a seriously mediocre movie, and it’s just so depressing after how good the original Avengers film was… what a note to end Phase 2 on…

...Ha! Psyche! There’s still another movie, bitches! Here comes motherfucking Ant-Man to save the day! Whoever could have thought that Ant-Man of all characters would redeem Phase 2 by delivering a quirky, genuinely funny action-crime thriller? This story has Scott Lang, a former robber who is trying to go straight for the sake of his daughter, get roped in to becoming Ant-Man after breaking and entering into Hank Pym’s house. Ant-Man has to steal research from Pym’s former company before the new, corrupt owner Darren Cross abuses the research.

So this film has great setup, and it’s a refreshing change of pace for the most part. The film is mainly about the training to become Ant-Man and the heist itself, leading to a bit of a different tone from the usual superhero film. Yes, of course there’s a big fight with a supervillain at the end, but it’s so quirky and hilarious that it still fits the tone of the rest of the film. That’s another great quality this film has; it’s quirky and humorous while not being obnoxiously so like the last film. A great addition is one of Scott Lang’s sidekicks, Luis, an incredibly enthusiastic criminal with quite bit of hidden depths and an impressive skill for telling stories.

But even more impressive than the quirkiness and the interesting change of pace from other superhero films is just how this movie takes things and makes you like them, things no one would ever expect to like. Hank Pym for example; Pym has long been a subject of ridicule among comic fans, mostly due to an infamous moment where he hit his wife Janet. After this movie and Michael Douglas’s powerful and moving performance in scenes such as when he talks about how his wife died… well, those “Wifebeater Hank Pym” jokes can go the way of most of the MCU’s villains. Douglas did an excellent job at making Hank a character with flaws who is still sympathetic. And if that’s not enough at how this movie makes you love things you’d never expect to, well, this film just may make you cry over the death of an ant. No, I’m not kidding.

Now, if there’s one thing I can really criticize here, it’s the villain. Darren Cross/Yellowjacket is not bad by any means, but like a lot of MCU villains he falls into the trap of having the same superpowers as the hero, which is frankly an overplayed concept. Look at the great villains of the MCU like Loki, Ultron, or Ego; all of them had powers that gave them an edge or were noticeably different from the heroes they fought. Cross shrinks just like Ant-Man does, just like Obadiah Stane had a giant robot suit, Abomination was a big roaring monster, and Kaecilius was a powerful wizard. None of these villains are really bad per se, but still. At least that final fight is incredible, with the concept of two men with shrinking powers played for all it c an be played for and so many great comedic moments coming from it.

Ant-Man totally makes up for how lackluster and unfunny Age of Ultron was. It’s genuinely funny without clogging every scene with jokes, the action is utilized excellently, the protagonists are all likable and enjoyable, and the film feels a lot more fun and fresh than anyone would expect. This is definitely one of the most shocking success stories of the MCU, but that success is nothing less than well-deserved.

And now we enter into Phase 3, and as I have reviewed all the films, I will link to their reviews.

First up is Civil War, the third Captain America film, and the movie that Age of Ultron should have been. It still does bring in some new blood, but they feel far less forced and more organically woven into the plot. The jokes and the action are all great, and the villain is actually interesting. Click here to see what I thought of it, and also what I thought of Batman v Superman (I may have to re-review that movie as well…).

Next up is Doctor Strange, which holds the distinction of perhaps being the most visually impressive superhero film ever made. The trippy visuals really help to make the film, and Benedict Cumberbatch puts in an excellent performance, as does Mads Mikkelson, who redeems what would otherwise be a flat villain. Click here for the full review of the movie.

Then we have the most recent of the bunch, my favorite film of all time, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I won’t say anything here, just click the link for the full review.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe is constantly growing and expanding, creating new and fascinating stories that their characters can inhabit. These films are some of the only modern superhero films that truly embrace their comic book roots and play them for all they’re worth. Coming up soon are films such as Thor: Ragnarok, Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, Ant-Man & The Wasp, Captain Marvel, and untitled Avengers, Doctor Strange, and Spider-Man sequels as well as volume three of the Guardians of the Galaxy story. We can only hope that, upon their release, I have wonderful things to say about them. But considering the high quality of most of the movies here, especially as time went on… I don’t think there’s any reason to be afraid. Marvel’s the king of superhero cinema right now, and I see no signs they’ll be giving up that crown any time soon.