#but here it is finally!! hope it’s a little coherent because Im not rereading this for the thousandth time

[definitelynotshouting]

fic writer interview!

shamelessly yoinking from @karliahs bc this looks fun as hell to do :]

How many works do you have on AO3?

32 fics total, between my main and rough draft pseud!! which feels like a really small amount, honestly-- i think my private WIPs list is MUCH higher 😂😂😂😂 if we're counting my very first (and very abandoned) ao3 acct too, then that number is bumped up to 35!!

What's your total AO3 word count?

163,211, and a good 65k of that was written this year somehow??? according to my statistics ._. lowkey crazy to think about

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

paid for it with all of my blood (BNHA | 8,452)

at times so self destructive (BNHA | 4,554)

lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE | 3,618)

or we can just have conversation (MSA | 1,834)

the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA | 1,609)

if youve been following me since my bnha fics in 2018 you deserve a veteran's discount

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to answer every single comment i got, honestly, unless it came by years after i posted it-- the only reason i dont as much anymore is because it gets REALLY overwhelming for me to respond to everyone after the initial barrage 😅😅 the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak etc etc. but i do read every comment and appreciate them SO SO MUCH, and whenever i find one particularly moving or want to just reassure people im still working on something i'll respond to those :]

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

not counting the wips that just never got finished and left off before their main shit could resolve, id say at times so self destructive (BNHA)-- i mean i LITERALLY ended it with izuku potentially dying 😭😭😭😭

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

tbh i dont think i write happy endings so much as i write hopeful, bittersweet, or open-ended ones-- i tend to like catharsis more than fluff when it comes down to it. but out of my fluff fics i think honey it's starting to storm (HC) is one of the genuinely sweetest ive written. my runner-ups on that would probably be when the smoke does finally pass (TMA) and or we could just have conversation (MSA) :]

Do you write crossovers?

not typically, and ive never published any, but i am definitely not immune to them 😂😂😂😂 i think my most niche crossover ive actually written (never to see the light of day) was a Nine Lives of Chloe King and Supernatural fic that was the definition of self-indulgent rot. only a little less niche than that was a Mortal Instruments and Supernatural crossover (theres a running theme here lol) lying in snippets on an ancient google doc in my oldest gmail acct. reread that one recently and its shockingly coherent for being written in like. 2016. id even call it decent (though theres a lot id change up if i were writing it now)

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

idk if it'd be considered hate but once i wrote a fic inspired by someone else's when i was very new to ao3, let them know (i didnt know about the "inspired by" option back then), and they got mad at me in my comments section because in their words, "its better than mine" 😭😭😭😭💥💥💥💥💥💥

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

YOU COULD SAY THAT

as for what kind, honestly whatever strikes my fancy-- usually character/relationship studies, or just a fun focus on character intimacy. love 2 be asexual<3 love 2 write asexual sex<3

i had a discussion with my qpp recently about how in all honesty the smut i write is pretty tame, its just the character emotions written behind it that makes it feel a bit deranged. smth smth scarian is a chemical explosion. u understand

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!!!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeppers!! the art of rawgabbitry (BNHA) received a translation to Russian, which i always found a bit funny because rawgabbitry is. one of my least favorite works ive ever written, if only for the type of comments it tended to receive back in the day 😭😭😭😭

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

ive never managed it honestly-- i get a bit precious about my process, which can make it hard to collaborate on that level. but its something ive always wanted to grow enough as a writer to try :]

What's your all-time favorite ship?

not so much of a singular OTP type of guy as i have favorite pairings per fandom im in-- that being said rn its scarian :P

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

pretty much all of my dsmp wips honestly. i may surprise myself someday, but for now i just have zero urge to actually finish any of them

What are your writing strengths?

like my pal karliahs im gonna rip these from the comments ive received 😅😅😅 but id definitely say imagery is my strongest skill!! i have a very strong imagination, and tend to see fic scenes as movie scenes in my head which i then transcribe into written format. id like to say im also really skilled at characterization and realistic dialogue that captures character voices very well!! and frankly i just love emotional realism so much i cant NOT write it, its always leaking into everything i do

What are your writing weaknesses?

i tend to get a little too funky and abstract with my descriptions sometimes-- that can work for some scenes, but grounding everything so that it feels more real and makes actual sense to the reader is something i often have to do on the second, third, and final passes

also to every person who has to crack open a thesaurus to understand what i write, i am so fucking sorry😭💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts beyond if its not a language you're proficient in you should probably get that checked over by a native speaker, just in case :P

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fairy tail..... ff.net was a dark place

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

crying sobbing wailing as i desperately beg my brain to start writing that post-canon siffrin and odile relationship study. unfortunately i dont think i can have more than one longfic on my docket at a time so it shrimply must wait

What's your favorite fic you've written?

to the surprise of absolutely nobody, i'd have say lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart) (HC/LIFE) :]

No obligation, but im tagging: @raichett, @kayawolfhorse, @boonbeenblade, @sillyfairygarden, and @grimfey !!! And anyone else who wants to do this ofc :]]]❤️❤️❤️❤️

[sheldoney]

NOTE* this is not a canon portrayal. sheldon is basically my little string bean boy theoretical physicist oc with some bbt elements and a dash of young sheldon buuuuuuut I basically created him from scratch. I do not follow BBT or Young Sheldon religiously. I cherry pick. SELECTIVELY. If you are looking for a religious canon coded portrayal this is not the blog for you. He is one hundred percent my own creation and I love him dearly. However, I do hope you wish to follow and write with him. I offer many verses to pick from and if you don't like anything listed we can work something out and make up our own verse!

WHERE IS PENNY?? @dcntlook @homicidalqueeen @whyscserious THE ROOMMATE AGREEMENT | MEMES | PROMO | HEADCANONS | VERSES | RELATIONS | OPEN STARTERS ↓ ↓ ↓

affiliates: @qu-tipie, @clairelilcorner, @therelentless, @godclaws, @acceptedrisk, @hollowvictory, @clockchimes, @merveiilles

1. I don’t have many rules just one big one. Do not lie to me about your age. If you are underage. I’ll block you. Final word. Wanna know mine? Just ask. I am 21+ I only write with those over 21+. Discord is mobile and only available for close friends and mutuals only. I DO NOT ROLEPLAY OVER DISCORD. I AM DASH ONLY. If I do hand out my discord I am always invisible or away. Don’t take offense. Leave me a message and I will get to you as soon as I see it! I rely heavily on Tumblr IMs for other communication purposes.

2.I AM NOT A THEORETICAL PHYSICIST. I BS MY WAY AND JUST GO BY THE CANON OF THE BIG BANG THEORY. (kinda sorta not really though I am trying to redeem Sheldon as he was treated terribly and portrayed horribly on the show. He said some things I do not condone or agree with according to TBBT LORE.This is not Jim Parsons’ fault.) BTW GOOGLE IS MY BEST FRIEND. BTW This is a Jim Parsons appreciation blog also.

3. I DO SHIP SHENNY/ I SHIP SHAMY. (SELECTIVELY.) IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SHENNY AS MOST DO IN THE BIG BANG FANDOM DO NOT FOLLOW THIS BLOG. I ALSO HAVE CRACKSHIPS ON THIS BLOG. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM DO NOT FOLLOW THIS BLOG.I also ship Sheldon and Chemistry amongst Muses. Sheldon Cooper is “canonically” asexual and not interested in coitus. But I do write him differently because I don't follow strict canon. I will not be writing smut on here or any s.exual content. I have a separate blog for “spicy” interactions. I will only be giving out the blog to Sheldon’s ships. It is NS.FW. Sheldon is not a cheater or your one night stand. Do not assume so. If you would like to pursue a relationship with Sheldon please talk to me about it beforehand.

4.DO NOT TOUCH SHELDON COOPER AT ALL UNLESS YOU KNOW HIM FIRST AND HAVE KNOWN HIM FOR A WHILE ( PENNY CAN TOUCH HIM ) /ANYONE INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP OR PREESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS CAN TOUCH HIM.

5. DO NOT BULLY SHELDON. ROAST HIM. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. HE HAS BEEN BULLIED ALL OF HIS LIFE AND I WILL SHUT THAT DOWN SO FAST YOU WON’T EVEN BLINK. I WON’T TOLERATE IT AND NEITHER WILL HE.

6.I USE XKIT REWRITTEN. I trim my posts, you don’t have but I will trim yours. It is just a simple click for me. I do not roleplay in the ask box. If you have intentions of continuing a thread please @ me in something. Thank you. I don’t appreciate if you only leave your own reply in our thread because when I do drafts I need to reread what my character replied to yours to keep the plot consistent and coherent.

7. I am very picky about who I write with. If I like your writing I will follow you. I don’t expect a follow back but do know I am interested in plotting something with you in the future. I am not a follow for follow. I am here for interactions, simply.

8. I have no problem writing in other fandoms. Especially horror/thriller/supernatural/etc...I adore crossovers.

9.I am not always available.Please be patient with me for replies. I do have a life outside of Tumblr. I keep weird hours. If it says I am online, chances are I am not. I am probably by the computer but doing something else.

10. I promise I am friendly. I just like to curate my space. Do not try to involve me in gossip or any of that malarkey, please and thanks.

11. I AM LGBTQ+ MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE LGBTQ+ MY FACECLAIM IS LGBTQ Homophobia, Transphobia, ETC ETC ETC will not be tolerated and you will be blocked if I see it.

12.ICONS & GRAPHICS & HEADCANONS. My icons are made by @butscrewmefirst . Some icons I have gathered from insanejournal and fanpop and altered them slightly. Please use icons or gif icons/small gifs in your replies. My computer takes forever to load large images. All headcanons are my own. Please do not lift anything from this blog. Thank you.

13.EXCLUSIVE & MAINS.As of right now I have certain exclusive canon characters that I will only write with on this blog. I will not write with any other portrayals of Harley Quinn using Samara Weaving  as their faceclaim or other Heath Ledger’s Jokers. I will also not write with other Sheldon Coopers. I am sure you are all tremendous but I prefer not to interact with any other duplicates. If you would like to be a main or an exclusive in Sheldon’s universe please come and speak to me about it.

[hargrove-mayfields]

okay so I saw this amazing post by @deardmvz and it reminded me that I had a similar wip laying around somewhere and she requested I finish it!! so here it is!!

Billy thought it would be a breeze, taking a road trip to Tennessee with Steve sounded like nothing compared to the thirty some odd hours he’d spent in the car from California to Indiana.

But twice on the way down the Camaro, on her last leg after repairs, had threatened to give up on them, the brakes getting testy until he had to pull over and give her a rest. It was the summer, and the a/c kept cutting out. Everyone seemed to have the same idea as them, and the roads were packed.

With the car giving them trouble, Steve refused to let him go any more than five over before he started gripping the seat and demanding he slow down, so what had been supposed to be a six hour trip turned into closer to ten.

So much for an easy trip.

By the time they were finally rolling into town, of course struggling to find a parking space anywhere near their destination, Billy was already dreading the drive back to Hawkins.

Because the only reason they were even here was because Steve had a craving for some taffy he’d gotten as a kid when he was down south visiting his grandma, so the minute they popped into that little candy shop and got what they were here for, they’d be back on the road within the hour.

This was a tourist trap kind of town too, 3D movie theaters and putt-putt courses and tacky museums galore, so he seriously doubted they would even be able to afford much more than a little bag of candy if they tried to stick around.

It’s decidedly worth it though, having spent all that time in the car, because he gets to see Steve all excited like, acting just like a kid again as he drags him through the crowded streets, stopping at the window of the candy shop with a smile pressed against the glass. Excitedly, he declares, “It’s still here!”

So Billy tries his best to return the smile and not let his grimace at the unexpected difficulty of the trip or the frankly ridiculous prices the place was charging for candy show. He remembers how he’d felt when he realized he would never have a cake from the local bakery back in his hometown for one of his or Max’s birthdays again, so he’d let Steve have this. Even if it cost ten bucks for a pound of taffy logs.

He buys himself a bag of cordial cherries too, figures he might as well get a little something out of it if the trip was going to be such a pain. The smile that Steve gives him when he has his own purchase at the checkout doesn’t go unnoticed either.

With their mission achieved, Steve practically skips back to where they’d left the Camaro in a pay-to-park lot a few blocks over. He stops at the drivers side door, hooks two fingers through the handle. “So who’s driving?”

“Uh-uh. You’re not taking my baby anywhere buzzed on sugar.” Steve pouts, but he doesn’t argue. Just circles around the other side and gets comfortable in the passenger seat.

Billy’s glad, because he doesn’t think he would’ve made it the whole way back home with Steve ‘drives like his late grandma’ Harrington behind the wheel.

Not too long into the ride back it’s already starting to get dark. It’s much quieter this time around, much calmer too, with the roads seeming to clear out as the sun disappears behind the mountains.

Were it not for the occasional crinkle of a candy wrapper, Billy probably wouldn’t have even known Steve was still awake, the way he was leaning so far back into his seat.

But in the same way that Steve’s back seat driving on the way up had made him feel tense, the silence makes him feel jittery, and the dark makes him paranoid. The prospect of at least another four hours in the car makes him feel trapped.

He reaches over and turns the radio on to distract from the emptiness, probably pushing the dial a bit more aggressive than was necessary, and a talk show, some sad sap call-in station where you overshare with the dj and they dedicate you a song that’s supposed to make you feel better, fills the silence, drowns out the irritating sound of tires on pavement.

He isn’t paying any attention, he’d turned it down as far as he could and still be able to hear it, so he must have missed something, because Steve sits bolt upright, bringing with him the previously reclined seat with a creak of the springs to exclaim, “Oh my god, Bill.”

He glances over at Steve for the briefest of seconds before his eyes quickly flick back to the road ahead, his heart skipping for just a second when he realizes he hadn’t been watching. “The taffy not as good as you remember it?”

“No it totally is. It’s our song, it’s on the radio.” His sounds like he’s going to burst from excitement as he explains himself and cranks the volume way high. Definitely too much sugar.

Though it’s not quite as extreme as Billy usually keeps it, it's still loud enough it takes a moment for his ears to adjust and recognize what is indeed the piano intro to what Steve had declared ‘their song’, of which he insists, “You gotta sing it babe.”

The concept of having a song was a fairly recent one, something that had been decided when Billy had started moving his things into Steve’s place, and he’d found some old record albums of his mothers that he’d kept hidden in his room for years.

Most of them were warped and scratched so badly they skipped through entire songs until they were unrecognizable as music. Others were covered in so many layers of dust and dirt they’d have needed hosed off before even thinking about putting them in their player.

Among the very few records still undamaged after being moved and stored for far too long were Farewell Andromeda, Electronically Tested, and a 45 of Don’t Go Breaking My Heart/Snow Queen.

John Denver was so not their speed, and Mungo Jerry was just a little too far out there for their tastes, so they kept the 45 and trashed or gave away most of the rest, if the sentimental value wasn’t too strong.

That little record was the sort of middle ground of their tastes, though neither would have ever fessed up about the soft spot for old pop to the other were it not for finding that old single under Billy’s bed, but from then on they’d spun it in Steve’s old console player more times than anyone should have been able to stand.

Over time, in the storage side of the player, they amass quite the collection of similar albums, more Elton John, ABBA, and god, Billy would never admit this to anyone, but goddamn Bees Gees, both on vinyl and cassette, but Don’t Go Breaking My Heart/Snow Queen forever held a special place in their hearts, and in their music rotation.

Everytime it came on the little battery radio in the kitchen or either slipped it into the player, it was tradition that they’d drop whatever they were doing and sing along with Elton and Kiki.

Just because, the romantic that he was, Steve had decided it was their song.

And honestly, Billy couldn’t argue with that, for obvious reasons the lyrics were special to the both of them, and the song was designed to be insanely catchy anyways, but right now he was busy driving, focusing all his attention on every dark corner of the road ahead. “‘M drivin’ Stevie.”

“Pleeease?” Steve glances between the radio and Billy with those puppy dog eyes of his, and offers a pointless bribe, just to help make his case. “I’ll give you a taffy.”

“Alright, alright.” Billy didn’t care about taffy, in all truthfulness he thought it was disgusting, definitely not a treat worth a minimum six hour drive for, but even watching the road he could see the expectant look in his boyfriends eyes from the passenger seat, so it didn’t take much convincing.

They’d missed the first few lines while they were debating it, so he tells Steve, “You start it then.”

With a smile that made it worth it, he does. He turns the volume up even higher and jumps right in on Kiki Dee’s “You take the weight off of me”

That was the indisputable rule Steve had established the very first time they’d played the record, that he would always sing Kiki’s parts of the song, and Billy Elton’s. Billy still didn’t really know exactly why that was, but he didn’t see a reason to argue.

So he does his line, “Oh honey when you knock on my door” and Steve gives him the biggest smile he can muster, as though he wasn’t expecting him to actually join in, and goes straight into his next with all the more enthusiasm. “Ooh, I gave you my key”

Ooh, nobody knows it

When I was down

I was your clown

Ooh, nobody knows it

Right from the start

I gave you my heart

Oh, I gave you my heart

Billy’s been known to get super into the whole thing, dancing like a goof, using anything he can find as a microphone just to get a rise out of Steve, but there’s a definite lack of that enthusiasm this time around.

It’s not that he doesn’t care about doing things like this like this with Steve, quite frankly, just the fact that they were even to a point in their relationship to have something as cheesy as their own song meant the world to him. He just was feeling, a little off.

So don't go breaking my heart

I won't go breaking your heart

Don't go breaking my heart

Steve definitely catches it, he’s the master at being able to tell when Billy’s not feeling his best. He calculates, and waits until the next break in the song to put his hand on Billy’s thigh. To let him know that the lyrics are directed at him. To remind him of the reason why they ever picked a damned Elton John song to be theirs.

And nobody told us

Because nobody showed us

And now it's up to us babe

Oh, I think we can make it

So don't misunderstand me

You put the light in my life

Oh, you put the spark to the flame

I've got your heart in my sights

It’s like an unspoken conversation, carried out entirely through the touch of Steve’s skin against his, the few seconds of eye contact Billy’s willing to allow before he’s back to watching the road, through the song on the radio that was theirs.

Ooh, nobody knows it

When I was down

I was your clown

Ooh, nobody knows it

Right from the start

I gave you my heart

Oh, I gave you my heart

Ever since being discharged from the hospital, no matter how hard he tried to appreciate being alive and what not, Billy still had moments like these where he was distant, only engaging with part of himself. It made him feel ungrateful, selfish. Like he didn’t deserve it.

Don't go breaking my heart

I won't go breaking your heart

Don't go breaking my heart

Now that he really thought about it, he’s guessing the only reason Steve had even made him drive all the way to Tennessee for a bag of candy they could have just bought at the dollar store was because he knew it was one of those days.

Ooh, nobody knows it

When I was down

I was your clown

Right from the start

I gave you my heart

Oh, I gave you my heart

It’s certainly the reason he’s belting his heart out in the passenger seat of Billy’s car to a lame old pop song, and it’s at least, in some small part, the reason why Billy’s heart feels so full at the sight of it.

Don't go breaking my heart

I won't go breaking your heart

Don't go breaking my

Don't go breaking my

Don't go breaking my heart

Don't go breaking my

Don't go breaking my

I won't go breaking your heart

Don't go breaking my heart

Don't go breaking my

I won't go breaking your heart

Don't go breaking my heart

Don't go breaking my

The song fades out before it’s over, the last few lines of the chorus cut off by a dj on a time schedule, but they finish it anyways, shouting over each other and the next song as it begins to play.

Steve dissolves into a fit of giggles, and Billy’s sure if he wasn’t driving he’d kiss the life out of him right then.

The radio gets turned back down to just background noise, and Steve gets settled back in again. He keeps humming to himself from where he’s settled back against the door in his reclined seat. It’s most likely an unconscious action, he does that a lot when he's drowsy, but it’s successful in keeping the tension out of the car.

At least, Billy doesn’t feel even half as on edge about the estimated three hours still left before they’d be back in Hawkins as he did before.

Because even if it started a little shaky, he was glad to have spent the day with nobody but Steve. No nosy teenaged brats refusing to mind their own business, no bosses calling them into work, no doctors appointments or friends dropping by for unannounced visits.

It was just him and Steve and the open road, and EJ and Kiki Dee, and a little bit of expensive candy, that helped too.

[starlit-dreaming]

[WMMAP] The Slow Burn AU

oh boy guess who’s (a teeny bit) sleep-deprived and back on their bullshit with [concept ideas that they swear to never write]? this pal right here

fun fact, this post is roughly 3400 words :’D

@lithium-15​ @d4ddylucas​ i hope this update brings you joy because i’ve finally convinced myself to open yet another google docs tab for a fic that will cause suffering for us all around, whether it be waiting for, reading, or writing it

i’ll be titling it as “beep beep (answer the phone already you asshole)” just so i can just shorten it to [beep beep] when i tag it on here

the potential titles it could’ve been called in case you didn’t see one of my misc posts about it:

• it was an opportunity missed • call me if you want to reach me • voicemails • this aching heart of mine • may i take your order • it really doesn’t seem like there’s anyone for me • beep beep (answer the phone already you asshole) • a series of bad advice (note to self: don’t listen to helena) • i lost my number; can i have yours?

also im ngl. lowkey got the idea while i was writing this of a pjo au where diana is aphrodite or claude is zeus (which is funny considering that ive been having athy getting nicknamed with “athena” and lucas being nicknamed “luke” for the longest time and only NOW thought of a pjo au)

vague, non-spoiler-y ideas:

• i definitely want lucas and athy to go “lmao they may be attractive but i would Never date them” and then later go “fuck maybe i do want to date them”

• in their pre-irl reveal, they go by athena and luke as nicknames when they text each other

• even though athy seems to be very sociable, i definitely want lucas to call her boring tbh??? also, she Definitely plays otome games in her free time.

• athy definitely has blackie. but i’m not sure if i want to make them be a cute lil pug or a chow chow. case in point:

• fucking adorable, isn’t it? meanwhile, a chow chow is a cute monster of floof and at this point im just being self-indulgent:

• if i wanted to be manhwa-accurate, blackie looks more like a wolfdog or maybe a doberman whatever (i’d have to look more into different types of dog breeds if i really wanted to narrow it all down except i Know i’ll probably start weeping over cute dogs cause i fucking love animals and will coo over it so no, i’m not gonna do that), but because i’m very much a “it’s an au i can do as i please” so i’ll most likely have blackie be a chow chow fluff ball

• athy getting her wisdom tooth removed at one point and texting like an inebriated drunkard that is only coherent thanks to autocorrect

• in the beginning, helena is established to have a romantic interest in lucas, while cabel has a romantic interest in athy. misunderstandings ensue

• i’m deadass rereading last game for this au because of all the pining this fic is gonna have. so there will probably be a few scenes here and there that i got the inspo from the manga. might draw some inspo from other manga/manhwa (i.e. yanagi’s proposal to kujou is a Maybe???)

• college club life even though ive literally never joined any clubs before i dropped out and know nothing. im basing the clubs off of what’s at the community college i went to. taekwondo lucas and tennis player athy?

• cabel being part of the astronomy club, along with helena. tempted to make her be a paralegal but that’s diving a little too close into [it was only one night] ngl

• so lucas canonically has 2 brothers, 1 younger, 1 older. meaning that since lucas is 24 y/o, his younger brother is roughly 14 y/o and his older brother would be maybe 27 y/o. his older bro’s gonna get married in this fic

• lucas has a matchmaking grandma constantly on his case, even more so now that his older brother will be getting married

• “be my matchmaker repellent” lucas @ athy

• lucas is gonna have familial drama in the fact that he’s got brothers and has to Deal with them. meanwhile, athy’s familial drama is that she was raised in a single parent household and has never known her father and ended up meeting him at someone’s goddamn wedding

i’ll essentially be rehashing and expanding on details down below, laying out an outline for the info i mentioned before, but in a more organized manner for my future self’s sanity. it’ll technically be spoilers, even if i might not follow the outline perfectly, since i’m still working through my thought process on how i’d like for this fic to go

OVERVIEW

• AUs: coffee shop + college + wrong number + modern setting + social media??? + strangers to friends to lovers + minor fake dating

• rated: M (no E, no smut, no violence, the only thing that’s E for this fic is Emotional Suffering)

• slice of life vibe, basically

• Ships: lucathy, calena, felily, mentioned claudiana, probably jennkiel, onesided athykiel

• general word count goal: 5k min to 10k max (per chapter)

• total chapter goal: 100 (200 based on the goddamn outline Help)

note: there’s more if you want to read the entire fic outline and get possible in-story spoilers

INTRODUCTION: the setup

• essentially going over a regular day in lucas and athy’s life

• establishing a worker-customer acquaintanceship (meaning that there’s next to no direct interactions)

• the wrong number trope ends up happening -- luke and athena being their nicknames.

• chapter goal from beginning to end: 1 to 5

PART ONE: the getting-to-know-you (mostly via texts)

• essentially thinking that the other person is cute irl but believing that they have such a shitty personality that they would never want to date the other person (after seeing their interactions with their friends -- lucas being blunt and dropping the customer service smile around cabel, athy ranting to helena about what would sound like dumb shit to him)

• helena catches feelings for lucas. cabel also catches feelings for athy. athy helping helena get a date with lucas. lucas decides to try and get cabel a date. it goes exactly as one would expect -- not well.

• there’s a huge misunderstanding, and eventually cabel and helena end up accidentally going on a date together. they realize that they’ve got a lot in common and decide to give it a try

• tl;dr, the “attempted wingman” arc

• athy probably gets her wisdom tooth removal at the beginning of this arc

• the “haha me liking him/her? that’s dumb” portion

• chapter goal: 6 to 15

PART TWO: the friendship portion!!!

• as in. lucas and athy end up becoming proper friends irl instead of the impersonal acquaintanceship.

• i want lucas to have some major family drama going on. like a “i need someone to be my plus 1 for my older brother’s wedding and my grandma’s been constantly trying to matchmake me with every eligible girl my age -- basically, be my matchmaker repellent” type of drama not drama-drama being in something sob-worthy

• note: he does not ask athanasia, he complains to her about it through their text convos by mentioning that his brother’s getting married and his grandma wanting to pair him off with a family friend’s daughter, but he doesn’t ask her to help him whether irl or through the screen and its only mentioned as a minor thing (foreshadowing, basically)

• another note: the wedding would not happen asap, rather his brother’s engagement and marriage is essentially going to be setup in this part of the story. its more of a matter of lucas needing to repel his grandma’s matchmaking attempts. it’ll be a “in the next couple of months” and will most likely be happening in part 4 of this outline

• lucas and athy end up catching feelings for each other. as in their minor attraction from part 1 returns to slap them in the face. they agonize over this with their “wrong number buddy” (who just so happen to be the crush in question)

• the “i kinda wanna hold their hand” to “fuck fuck fuck fuck i wanna hold their hand fuck”

• chapter goal: 16 to 29

PART THREE: the pining

• suffer with me

• there’s essentially the mIb love square as lithium called out. at one point they’ll be talking about maybe doing a phone call one of these days (since one of them called by accident) and just nervous realization of “oh no i like this person AND my texting buddy”

• lucas asking athy if she’d be willing to be his plus one at his brother’s wedding -- his matchmaker repellent. we can turn it into a valentines thing, too so that it’ll be all the more ridiculous, because athy would think he’s about to ask her to be his girlfriend, so she just keeps nodding until she hears the question of her being his plus one so that he’d have a friend that could help him put an end to all the matchmaking attempts. plus, he can’t ask cabel to help him out because then that would invite granny hwang’s attempt to push eligible bachelors at him instead

• athy was 100% not amused to hear that she wasn’t even his first, second, or third choice. but she’s pining and begrudgingly agrees to help him out

• little did she know that she WAS his first choice, it’s just that he didn’t Ask her until everyone else was a definite no. she’s also his last choice because if lucas was desperate enough he would’ve deadass asked his texting buddy

• helena will Probably try to set athy up on a blind date, but since it takes place at the coffee shop/cafe lucas works at, he essentially helps athy out when they realize that helena unintentionally agreed to set her up with her EX???? idk yet except that they’re not really Friends, but regardless lucas manages to help her. it’s kiel who’s the blind date btw

• the one-sided athykiel -- essentially ezekiel establishing that he likes athy. athy mentions him to lucas in their text convos by mentioning that she’s pretty sure he likes her but she’s just Not into him like that

• the “it’s fine we’re friends and friends hold hands and they hug all the time so it wouldn’t be strange right” reassurances

• chapter goal: 30 to 56

PART FOUR: the panicking

• they have their first phone call :’)

• lucathy simping for the other person’s voice and lowkey thinking “wow they sound so familiar haha” and more or less going “you have a really nice voice if you did audiobooks i’d buy them just to hear your voice”

• idk what the fuck’s gonna happen by chapter 100, but its going to be when they FINALLY get a clue that they might have mutual feelings and hold hands and it’s very obvious (to everyone) that they’re into each other

• there’s gonna be the wedding for lucas’s older brother with athy as lucas’s plus one. lucas is from a prominent and rich family, so a lot of his family’s business associates are invited to the wedding. cabel’s family shows up, cause cabel’s older brother is a businessman; cabel is lucas’s childhood friend btw

• so after the family drama that lucas has with his family prior to part four dies down, it’s athy’s turn of familial drama :)

• in the fact that claude shows up to the part and he’s just. “diana???” and athy, having grown up in a single parent household that consists of her and her mom, is surprise pikachu face like “you know my mom?”

• so athy’s familial drama is essentially a “holy shit my dad’s a multibillionaire bachelor and my mom never told me until AFTER i met him”. cue the whole awkward “fuck,,, guys my dad wants to marry my mom after finally finding her thanks to me and my mom still loves him and im so fucking confused because this whole time i thought mom left him cause he was a piece of shit but it turns out that it was because my mom thought he deserved someone better than a part-time dance instructor and now everything i thought i knew is Shattered”

• yeah i didn’t want anything too angsty with athy’s family drama. so i decided to give it a cinderella kinda vibe. like the prince at the ball (claude attending the wedding) and finding cinderella’s shoe (athy being the shoe) that leads him to cinderella (finding diana). i was gonna make a joke about it being like cinderella but then i ended up making That connection tbh

• also, at the wedding lucas planned on telling her that he realized that she’s been his texting buddy, but then claude interrupted them because he was pretty sure that athy is his daughter

• it’s the “what does this mean does that mean they like me back or???” (mostly panic on athy’s side) of the story, but it’s also the “fuck man i’ve got shit going on with my family that i don’t know if i can even Think about romance”

• chapter goal: 57 to 100

PART FIVE: the adjustment period

• athy essentially dealing with the fact that her entire life she thought her dad was a dirtbag but it turns out that it was all a misunderstanding so she’s trying to learn how to get along with the guy

• meeting her cousin jennette who’s all “!!!!!!! i have a cousin that’s almost a year younger than me!!!” and wants to get along with athy. she’s trying to see if jennette’s being genuine or not (spoilers: she is)

• also lucas manages to FINALLY tell athy that he thinks that she’s his texting buddy. and it’s that awkward relief that the person they like is the same person. although now lucas thinks that athy has a crush on a coworker of his or something while athy thinks that lucas is interested in a customer of his

• despite both of them being genuises. helena has the shared brain cell and she’s crying at the level of misunderstandings that’s going on when athy tells her about her crush on lucas and her adamant belief that he’s crushing on a customer

• cabel not so subtly trying to figure out who lucas likes -- it’s obvious to helena who highkey thinks lucathy is definitely gonna happen and will Definitely win the lucathy betting pool against lucas’s older brother, but cabel’s like “idk though athy doesn’t seem like his type”

• claude and diana deciding to get married; felix being claude’s best man, lillian being diana’s maid of honor, with athy taking part in the overall wedding planning

• during the wedding planning process for claudiana, athy is just looking at all these pictures and thinking “getting married,,,,, actually sounds kinda nice” and that comment more or less ends up slipping out while she’s sitting on the sofa at lucas’s apartment while looking through wedding pictures. and lucas just. freezes, staring at athy as she’s staring at her screen.

• lucas making a bet with her courtesy of Last Game (not gonna be the same words as yanagi since athy is Very much aware of social cues unlike kujou, but lucas WILL say “then i’ll be putting a ring on your finger” or something along the lines)

• chapter goal: 100 to 150

PART SIX: FINALLY TOGETHER

• i don’t know i really don’t know i just want them to finally get together by part six because if i keep delaying it in this outline i really might go insane the more slow burn i add to it

• wedding #2 except this time its claudiana getting married. they wanted to get married asap, but claude and athy both agreed that it would be worth it to see diana in a wedding dress because they both simp for her

• athy’s plus one is lucas since they both agreed to be each other’s emergency plus one after his brother’s wedding since. they’re both from prominent families so they want to avoid shit

• everyone’s asking lucathy if they have plans on getting married (a lot of claude’s wedding guests assume that athy’s dating lucas and lowkey wants to know if their sons or daughters have a chance)

• this is where the fake dating Really kickstarts which makes athy feel immensely guilty cause she’s lying to her mom tbh but lucas just swoops in and smoothly answers that it’s only natural that he intends on one day marrying athy and they’re pretty much #relationship goals despite not actually dating

• which is probably when she realizes that he Did mention something about marriage during their bet since his win meant that he’d be putting a ring on her finger

• only reason why claude hasn’t tried to lowkey murder lucas is cause it’s athy’s decision on who she dates and loves, but he Will murder lucas if he ever breaks her heart -- which, luckily for everyone, he hasn’t and won’t be

• especially cause lucas and athy Do start actually dating after claudiana’s wedding (because they end up talking because athy really stopped to think “holy shit am i the person that you like???” and cue lucas going “thanks for stating the obvious -- btw i won the bet” so guess who’s boyfriend/girlfriend but are Also technically fiance/es via bet)

• i am going to cry when lucathy are finally dating

• chapter goal: 151 to 178

CONCLUSION: lovey-dovey fluff

• it’s. as the title indicates. fluff. lovey-dovey pure fluff

• athy moving into lucas’s apartment. athy wearing his sweaters and clothes. matching scarves. athy “accidentally” leaving a lipstick mark on his cheek or lips idk yet but it’ll happen

• ring pop proposal ft. drunk athy. lucas ends up snickering and will ruthlessly tease athy over it, especially since cabel drunkenly got it all on camera and bawled over how “beautiful” it was. lucas said yes btw, and then a drunken helena started crying over it too repeating “he said Yes!!!!”

• then a proper lucathy proposal (although technically athy already gave lucas a ring and lucas already said he’d put a ring on her finger if he won the bet). it’s annoyingly casual for athy’s tastes, and if anyone ever asks how the proposal had gone, there will ALWAYS be a completely different story (“she proposed to me with a ring pop while she was drunk” or “he proposed via a bet before we were even dating” or “he proposed to me when we were having dinner and i choked on my cake” or “she thought i was joking about buying her a ring, but then i actually knelt down on one knee and proposed to her at the cafe when i was still on the clock” “i proposed to him after he made me dinner because of how good his cooking is”). all of it is true and valid, but Nobody knows and everyone thinks that they’re just joking around until the lucathy wedding invitation arrives in the mail a few months later

• maybe a lucathy wedding will be written cause i hate myself and want to make the chapter goal a nice round 200 and you know what they say -- 3rd time’s the charm

• do i want claude and diana to give athy a younger brother that would, undoubtedly, be like almost 21-22 years of an age difference between athy and the lil bro. i did the calculations guys, since in this au diana was 18 (claude was 17-18) when she gave birth to athy, and since athy is 21-22 in the present day, that means diana is 39 years old. it’s still very much a possibility for her to get pregnant and have another kid

• chapter goal: 179 to 200

i planned on posting this earlier, but i guess its an early valentines day post now LMAO

[baragakiscans]

Firstly, sorry for losing the post to your ask! Tumblr shitty UI stuff happened and I accidentally deleted the draft TvT (they should make an option for asks to reappear if the draft answer got deleted or sth smh)

Secondly, IM SO SORRY FOR THE EXTREMELY LONG POST AAAAA

I tried to keep the explanations short like I did for Saraba (even that was pretty long) but then the more I tried the longer it became, and in the end what was supposed to be my take on like 2 pages of this book became this extremely long in-depth analysis of the entire book  _(´ཀ`」 ∠)_  But I mean, I’ve agonised over the translations for this book for almost half a year and I have Lots of Feelings about it because GOD I LOVE THIS BOOK

Anyway, Makkura is another one of those books with a lot of hidden layers that can be unpacked from the story with multiple rereads. Unlike Saraba where some things were intentionally left open to interpretation (I think), though, this book is slightly more straightforward, and I’d like to offer my take on the story.

Long post and Makkura spoilers below the cut!

At the beginning of the story, Gintoki and Hijikata were already dating (secretly-but-not-so-secretly). They’ve clearly been dating for a while now; Hijikata coming over to Gintoki’s place to stay the night (though he’d usually be gone by morning), mayonnaise in the Yorozuya fridge, etc… Though their displays of affection were rather subdued, to the onlooker (and everyone else around them) these two idiots were so obviously crazy in love with each other 💕💕 However, there is something that seems a little… off about their relationship, and this something would have continued lurking in the shadows…

The beginning of the end…?

…Had Gintoki not lost all of his memories of his relationship with Hijikata. Gone was the man who would become agitated at the mere thought of his beloved going into danger; the man before Hijikata now barely knew him, and the thought of dating the Demon Vice Commander would never have crossed his mind.

Imagine waking up to find out that your boyfriend has forgotten all about his relationship with you and makes THIS face at the mere thought of shacking up with you

What Hijikata did next may seem illogical at first (and don’t get me wrong, it really is), but it makes a bit more sense once you realise what exactly was off about their relationship.

You see, Hijikata didn’t think that he was good enough for Gintoki.

If you’re familiar with Syaku’s works, you may have noticed a particular trope being rather common: Hijikata and/or Gintoki falling in love with the other, yet not taking the step forward because they were afraid of getting in the way of the other’s creed—to protect.

Looks familiar? ;)

In Makkura, they did manage to take that step forward (regardless of who made that step first), but even so, there’s always been a niggling doubt somewhere in the back of Hijikata’s mind that maybe—just maybe—Gintoki would be better off without him. Hijikata would do everything in his power to protect the Shinsengumi, and he knows that Gintoki would do the same to protect those he holds dear. It just didn’t occur to him that he was one of them, too. Instead, he was afraid of Gintoki straying from his path because of him.

Gintoki losing his memories was like a wake-up call to Hijikata, that his relationship with Gintoki was too good to be true—and if it will all come to an end eventually anyway, then he should be the one to pull the plug first, especially since the perfect opportunity to reset everything to a clean state has presented itself. He pretended that nothing happened between the two of them. He told Gintoki to “Forget about all this. Everything.” He tried to convince himself that he should make a clean break and completely remove himself from Gintoki’s life, and be content with merely watching from afar.

Maybe Hijikata thought that since he and Gintoki never confirmed their relationship, the people around them will just shrug it off, or won’t notice the change in behaviour. But needless to say, everyone around them immediately noticed that something was wrong. And they even had Hijikata’s inner thoughts all figured out.

The Shinsengumi members know their vice commander too well XD

Even Gintoki himself had managed to put two and two together, but he just couldn’t figure out why he fell in love with the man with whom he always fights like cats and dogs. And since Hijikata himself was so adamant on nothing happening, all he could do was watch as the man-who-is-apparently-his-lover-but-he-somehow-forgot told him to stay out of his way. That’s why, it’s up to everyone else to restore Gintoki’s memories and get these two idiots back together.

While the Yorozuya kids were scrambling to find the antidote, Hijikata opted to go down the slippery slope of self-abandonment by meeting the pervert Bakufu official despite knowing full well what might happen to him. He thought it was all for the sake of the Shinsengumi, but seeing Gintoki down the hallway jolted him back to his senses and made him realise just how wrong he was. He realised the reason why he was actually doing this—to see if Gintoki would come to his aid, to see if Gintoki was still the man he knows and love. He realised that he doesn’t want to give his body to anyone anymore—anyone else, that is. He realised just how truly madly deeply in love he was with Gintoki.

What indeed…

By the time he realised this, though, it already seemed too late; it didn’t seem like Gintoki was going to save him. So, he resolved to keep his memories of Gintoki as a happy dream, and was ready to succumb to despair—when Gintoki finally comes to the rescue! (Not sure if Yamazaki didn’t press the button on purpose here) Of course, Gintoki was pissed off that Hijikata would do something this reckless. So he told Hijikata, “You should treasure yourself more…” (BTW, the original Japanese really only had “You should _______ more…”, I had to fill in the blanks) That’s when Hijikata realised that he was right all along; Gintoki hasn’t changed, even without Hijikata’s memories. And that’s all he needed to know.

And over in this exhibit we have the exact moment when Gintoki fell in love all over again

Right when Gintoki was about to profess his love say something to Hijikata, the kids finally arrive with the antidote! And Sougo even figured out that Gintoki doesn’t really need the antidote anymore since he’s in back in love with Hijikata XD But of course Gintoki wants to remember. Of course he wants to remember all about his time together with the man he now knows he loves. He drinks the antidote—

Ohhhh boy shit’s about to go DOWN

—And we arrive at the emotional climax of the story. Gintoki’s furious—Of course he would be; his lover just tried to erase himself from his life, thinking that it was for his sake! Gintoki thought that Hijikata had underestimated him—in a way, he’s right; Hijikata had underestimated just how much Gintoki needs him. He knew that Gintoki loves him, but he also thought that Gintoki should forsake him for the sake of those he wants to protect.

That’s why Gintoki let Hijikata know just how much he means to him. He has already come to know all of him, so he can’t ever bring himself to let him go. That’s when Hijikata started to realise that he was wrong about Gintoki, and wrong about himself. He meant much more to Gintoki than he ever thought he did.

This led to the one exchange that I wrote out this entire analysis for—

Did I really write 1800 words just for this? Yes. Yes I did.

If Hijikata really meant so much to him, then does that mean Gintoki would have tried to erase himself from Hijikata’s world for his sake, too? Gintoki doesn’t think so, but that’s after everything that has happened so far. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it if their positions really were reversed at the beginning of the story? They both know that, because they both hold on so dearly to the same beliefs, the same pride.

That led to Gintoki throwing the question back at Hijikata—does that mean Hijikata would fall in love with Gintoki again even without his memories, just like Gintoki did? In asking this, Gintoki was telling Hijikata that, even if he were to do the same, deep down, he would still want Hijikata to fall in love with him again. And that’s when Hijikata realised—it was the same for him, too.

At that point, the two of them came to the same conclusion—neither of them can live without the other anymore. Yet, even if their positions were reversed, they would still have done the same. And even if that were to happen, they would still arrive at this same conclusion. They both love the other too much to let go; yet, they both love the other so much that they’d be willing to let go. Now that they both know this, their bond has become truly unbreakable.

Hijikata’s reply was therefore an affirmation—

“Even so, you’d have done the same. Even so, I’ll still fall in love with you.”

That’s just the way both of them are.

And so, at the end of the story, we now have Gintoki who wants Hijikata to know just how much he loves him (maybe becoming more possessive in the process?), and Hijikata who now knows just how much Gintoki loves him, and has come to forgive himself for loving him. Their relationship is one full of contradictions, yet no matter what happens, they will both find their way back to the place where they belong—in (or should I say on?) each other’s arms.

Look at the how much love there is in Hijikata’s eyes just LOOK AT IT AAAAA

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Makkura is one of my top Ginhiji doujins of all time! I really really hope that my translation managed to do it justice, and I hope my ramblings were coherent enough TvT 

If you’ve managed to read this far, do give Makkura a reread and you just might see it in a different light ;) Of course, my interpretation might be different from what Syaku intended to present, so feel free to come up with your own interpretations as well!

Also, halfway through writing this I found an analysis by @mugimarumaru over in the MRM comments section, so do check it out as well :>

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and hope you have a nice day~

(I wish I’d put in this much effort in my college essays)

- JJ

(P.S. The REAL question here: if their roles were reversed would that make it a Hijigin book 🤔🤔🤔)

[diningpageantry]

Drunk Text

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43179500

Chapter 4/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 2002

Chapter Summary: Baz's friends get him a little drunk, which scares Simon half to death. Cue nervous spamming, best friend's advice, and a single picture.

BAZ

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: i dont know i guess im just scared of losing her family's attention???

My eyes scan over his text in the drop down, thumb pressing onto the screen to keep it half-showing. It's probably not a good idea to be talking to him about this right at this second, but I don't want him to feel abandoned (especially given our topic). The tiny graphic of the Instagram logo looms in the forefront of my mind even after I close my phone, thinking of a response.

A hard lemonade bottle rolls and rests against my thigh, making me look up at Dev as he pops open another. Despite calling them a “Gay drink”, he's already gone through two of them.

“Oy, you've barely had shit,” he says, twisting off the top of his third as he eyes my one half-empty bottle.

“Yeah,” Niall adds, eyebrows narrowing as he lifts his own drink. He bought an even shittier wine cooler. “Loosen up a little, you wound up dick.”

Reluctantly, I bring my bottle to my lips and swing, maintaining eye constant with Niall. Even with a weird shiver in a response, he doesn't look away. Neither do I--not until the bottle is finished. With a pop of my lips, I lower the glass and smirk. “There--happy?”

“I… guess?” He says slowly. “You okay, mate? What's wrong?”

What's wrong? What's wrong? Snow's texting me from his bathroom, too tired from crying to get off the tile, and I can't help him in any other way than to talk to him. That's what's wrong. “It's nothing. Just shit. That's all.”

Dev's foot nudges mine, making me disconcerted with their mutual care for my emotions. Usually, they just let me sulk, but tonight… tonight's odd. They're boozing me up and getting me to talk (for once).

I turn my head head away, looking towards the long, creaking window of mine. It nearly brushes the floor, and looks out upon the broad, rise and fall of our garden. The winter season leaves it beyond chilling.

“Can you open that?” I ask, voice tired as I nod towards my cousin. He blinks at me at first before rising to his feet and drawing it open. With a hand on my bed frame, I haul myself upright and onto my feet before digging through my nightstand. In the back lies a pack of cigs and a lighter I snagged from Aunt Fi's flat.

Only Dev takes one when I offer, seating myself right on the ledge. Neither of them bat an eye, except Niall's concerned staring as I lean against the frame, striking the light.

“Fine, don't answer,” he mumbles, taking back a mouthful of his drink.

I let in a drag, feeling it burn the back of my throat as I slide out my phone. Both the boys sit silently, exchanging glances as I finally type back a semi-coherent response for Simon.

The already buzzing of my head from the nicotine doesn't fully help my thoughts as much as I hoped it would.

strings_n_roses: christmas is over now, so the holidays are gone. if she weighs heavily on you because of the break up, then it isn't healthy and definitely not a pain that you deserve

strings_n_roses: and i know she drives you home, but maybe someone on your team will drive you instead if you ask

strings_n_roses: there's options other than discomfort

I suck in, turning off my phone with the app left open. The sound of Niall's shifting is nearly enough to make me want to yell. Their collective concern is barely appreciated, given it seems to be so sparse when actually needed.

In all honesty, I shouldn't blame them. I'm not in school, and they're just trying to help when they can. still, I can't shake the emptiness of their situational devotion to my feelings.

“You've been acting odd,” Dev adds first, giving me another drink. I take it, finishing my cig first. Looking at the burning end of it, I hand it out the window and crush it against the stone of the wall, leaving the butt on the sill as I climb off.

The drink is always better when you start the second one. “Just life shit. Doesn't matter,” I say, leaning back against the wall as I exhale slowly. There it is. The odd, mostly empty stomach nausea I get whenever I get to drink. Hits me harder, and makes it stronger. And almost definitely going to fuck me over, but it's only a few drinks (and I'm a lightweight, because fuck genetics).

As my eyes fall shut, I feel the jostling buzz of my notifications. Without hesitation, I pick it up and read it through as more messages slide down.

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: i dont really have friends on the team to drive me

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: or really anyone, except penny and sort of agatha, i guess

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: and her dad. her dad loves me

(strings_n_roses): gods.mistake: fuck im a little lonely fucker sorry im a killjoy and you're probably doing something more interesting with your life and im just ranting like an idiot fuck sorry

I ignore both Dev and Niall's looks as I attentively swipe it open, head spinning. I barely pay attention to what I'm saying, trying to get a word in before he has a chance to belittle himself further.

strings_n_roses: don't apologise at all. im heer to yell towards

strings_n_roses: after all im judt drinking im not ewally doingmuch

SIMON

My heart nearly stops, throat catching as I reread.

He's drinking. Fuck.

Vision blurring and body weak, the process of pulling myself upright makes it a battle all in itself.

The bathroom floor is filthy, but it felt like home. One minute I was standing, washing my hands silently in the sink, then I met my eyes in the mirror and crumpled onto the old, ratty bathmat. I'd just cried, a quiet sob into my wrist as the details of the room overwhelmed me. The dripping of the sink, the burning of the lights. The fear of losing Penny because I've practically lost Agatha already.

I don't even know if I miss her. I don't know if I want to miss her. I miss her family at Christmas--this was the first year since moving here without me going to the Wellbeloves for the holidays. I know I miss the way we'd sit together in silence, shoulder to shoulder and watching Doctor Who, but I don't know if I miss us.

She'd told me today that I'm too much. It's been months since the break up, but she said she still had something to say. That something, apparently, is that my life's unnecessary overwhelming, and I don't make her happy.

I told her likewise to me, even if I didn't mean it.

Maybe I did. I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I don't know why Baz is drinking. He'd told me a month or so back that he does occasionally, but he usually refrains from drunk texting. Says he doesn't like waking up to messages he didn't mean to send. I wonder what's different tonight.

I wipe my eyes, sniffling as quietly as possible as my trembling fingers tap out a response.

gods.mistake: please drink water

gods.mistake: and limit yourself. dont drink too much fuck just slow down

gods.mistake: did you eat? make sure youre eating

gods.mistake: please dont do anything stupid just please dont hurt yourself

At first, he's silent. The read receipt pops up, then stays still. Something in me thumps, then grows in strength as I struggle to breathe evenly again.

I've seen it too often. Too fast--too soon. The spiraling, the life destruction. The kids a few years older than me stashing stolen pill bottles under beds and liquor in their pillow cases.

I don't want him to hurt like that, and I can feel it already. The biting edge of coping.

My hand slides through my hair, settling amongst tangled curls as I shake. A disappearing picture from him pops up, starling me slight before I exhale, opening it.

It's his hand, the flash on it as he holds a pint sized glass of water. I can recognize it from his pictures of violin playing, scattered throughout his damned aesthetic Instagram account. It's the only part of his body I can recognize, and I know it well. Smooth on the back, and calloused fingertips with sharp jutting angles of his joins. His skin is a midtone of soft brown, like the shade of a perfect cup of tea, and his palm fades much lighter. You can tell he's some posh arse, because his nails are always trimmed and buffed.

And there they are, holding a glass of water with a crudely drawn smiley face on the screen. The room is mostly dark around it, and I can only make out hardwood floor and a thick, red carpet.

(gods.mistake): strings_n_roses: i'm okay i promise! i'm a healthy boy

(gods.mistake): strings_n_roses: :)

(gods.mistake) strings_n_roses: i’m with friends rhey’re takint xare of me i promise i an ok!

gods.mistake: ok ok im sorry for freaking out im sorry

I chew on my nail, biting around to the cuticles as my eyes squeeze shut. I'm overreacting again. I'm blowing up.

I tap out of the app and pull of my messaging, pulling my one of few conversations--Penny.

im losing it right now penn

its so stupid and youre gonna hate me but im losing it fuck me fuck shit fuck fuck fuck

You've texted your last fuck, buddy

It's the swearing police

I've come to ask for a recount of why on Earth you're sobbing

its stupid its so stupid im sorry

its baz hes drinking

and i panicked and messaged him a ton but im worried i pissed him off and he might hate me what if he hates me

fuck shit fuck

Do you have any basis on him hating you???

Did he text you all angry???

no but i feel it im stupid and i know it i feel it

First of all, stop

Second of all, if he's not angry, he's not angry

Third, why does this matter so much? You barely know him

thats not true we talk everyday

He's online, Si

You can lose him in a snap, why care?

Why do you even trust him so much you don't know what he looks like ://

i know what his hands look like

thats something

and just idk i trust him he seems to care

and we like the same stuff and i just

idk

i trust him

why are you talking about this again now

i thought we were over this

I said I was tired of you talking about Baz at lunch, I didn't say we were over the conversation

I'm just worried, that's all

Fuck knows you don't have someone else to worry about you over this, and he could just be some arse praying on you because you're vulnerable

People do that, you know

hes not some 80 year old creep penn

he seems as young as he says

and he doesnt use me or anything we just talk

im ok im safe i swear

hes just scaring me

Just be safe, Simon.

Something makes me jump, and it takes a full moment to register that it's Davy knocking around downstairs, doing whatever he does in his study. I should be in bed. He knows I should be in bed. He'll want me to be asleep, after all.

I tiptoe out carefully, knowing where the floor doesn't creak as I slip back into my room and in bed. The blanket's shit and scratchy, but it's something.

As I plug my mobile in, I send out a quick message to Baz, letting my embarrassment ease through while I swallow my pride.

gods.mistake: im sorry for freaking out

gods.mistake: sleep tight pls

[inktae]

Aaaahh, Home after Rain was so cute, and lovely, and I loved it! You never fail to amaze with your writing - thank you for the fic, and also, for your existence ❤

Anonymous said: NOO I CANNOT TAKE IN HOME AFTER RAIN THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL BLUE ORCHIDS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PIECES OF WRITING EVER, ALL OF THE SMALL DETAILS EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT MARI, I CAN NEVER PUT INTO WORDS HOW YOUR WRITINGS MAKE ME FEEL BUT THANKYOU SO MUCH!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Anonymous said: Mariiiii!! Home After Rain is making me feel a LOT, just when I thought I was outta the tidal waves with the Blue Orchid I get sucked back right in with the sequel (not that I'm complaining but its currently 8am here and too early to deal with all these emotions). I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR WRITING!!

Anonymous said: OMG GYLAXJALFHSL A SEQUEL TO BLUE ORCHIDS IM CRYING I reread blue orchids a while ago and fell in love with it again and now home after rain 😍😍 it was so cute so much fluff I loved it!!! and the part where he's talking about a movie where a couple is getting married at the beach THATS WRITTEN ON THE SKY JK & OC ???

Anonymous said: GURL I NEED TO SLEEP BUT I JUST READ HOME AFTER RAIN AND MY BITCH ASS IS NOW FEELING SO FLUFFY AND MY HEART CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT OML MARI I LOVE UR WRITING

Anonymous said: i really loved reading "home after rain" especially since "blue orchids" has a special place in my heart ;; your writing just flows so nicely and i feel like you truly have managed to develop a gorgeous narrative voice that just pulls you in immediately! the little easter egg with "written on the sky" was a nice touch too hehe (at least i think that's what you were referencing when they talked abt the movie?) anyways, i hope that you'll continue writing for a looong time, mari :) sending love xx

Anonymous said: Ahh I just saw Home After Rain and all I can think of is "omg it's not angst!!!" lol XD But in all seriousness, I really liked it. How everything comes together in the end. Everything in the sequel fits and gosh just......I'm still not coherent enough to comment, lemme go reread it again

Anonymous said: As always, I love ur writing ;-; wasn't expecting a drabble for blue orchid, but here it is ;-; and u included a part from ur other jk fic inspired by the same movie mentioned ;-; u r absolutely daebak ily haha hope they have a child if u decide to make another drabble ;) but i'm noy expecting anything. Tbh i'm already satisfied with b.o. ending, but I stil love the drabble ^^ tyvm ilysm

I’m so so sorry for taking so long to answer!!! but all of your messages have made me so happy, it’s nice to know that even if it was a short piece I could barely get done because of finals, people have still found it enjoyable and felt happy with it. ❤❤❤

also, I noticed that some of you caught that subtle written on the sky reference!! :))) I did put it on purpose and I smiled so much writing that scene hehe. it makes me happy that a few of you noticed that. anyway, thank you very much for taking your time to enjoy this piece and to let me know how much you liked it. I’m sending you all lots of love and the biggest, warmest hug!!

[anatolysergievsky]

This isn't really a collage ask but basically is. Do you have any tips for how to study? Cause I have finals for the first time this year and I don't know how to study at all.

Sure thing! Btw good luck on your finals– I’m sure you’ll do great on them so long as you don’t worry too much or stress yourself to the point of bad performance (that’s something I have trouble reminding myself of).

As a couple of notes, I’ll be saying how I study and what works for me but that style might not necessarily work for you. If you find it doesn’t, I can link you to some studyblrs that might mesh more with your learning style! Mine is very much a style that just relies on constant work and rereading and basically unending focus. Also, it’s kind of important to note that I study 16-17 hours a day, 7 days a week during the school year and you might not be able to/want to put in that kind of obsessive dedication so your approach to studying might be different than mine at points (like I said above). That said, here are some important things I always keep in mind!

Keep in mind the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve. I really can’t stress this enough– reading about this completely changed how/when I study. You can wiki it if you want but the thing to know is that after you learn something, most of that knowledge is going to be forgotten within hours or days if it isn’t reviewed. So after a lecture/class/reading, take a break of an hour or two and then REVIEW what you just learned. It strengthens the memory of that material significantly, especially if you do these periodic reviews often (the first one is the most important, though). It’s related to what everyone tells you about cramming not being good for you but instead of just advising you to review over time, it tells you EXACTLY when to review in order to maximize your retention. Just breezing through the stuff again a few hours after can make such a huge difference when it comes to studying for the test weeks later that you’ll be amazed.

State dependent learning/memory! This was something that was talked about in a psychology lecture I went to. Essentially, you remember things best when you’re in a similar state to the one you learned it in, the example given being how it’s much easier to remember what you hate about your friend when you’re fighting with them rather than when you’re laughing with them. The same goes for learning school-related stuff! If you were sad when you read something, you’ll remember that stuff easier when you’re sad again (same goes for any other emotion). In my case, I would generally listen to the same music (a one hour long piano compilation) while I studied all day every day. Then I would listen to that before I went to take my tests. You can do the same thing with always chewing one type of gum during math study, for example. Anyway, state dependent learning is very useful if you’re consistent with it (always having the same type of gum, always listening to the same type of music).

It’s very difficult but please try to stay calm during tests– your brain works so much better when you’re calm. A lot of people say they work best under pressure but stress has been shown to both lower your creativity and worsen your memory.

The recency and primacy effects are important to keep in mind when you’re doing a long study session. When you stop studying, the information that will be easiest to recall later will be the last and first things you read/learned. The middle items tend to get lost and the recall for them is much blurrier. Don’t put your most important studying in the middle of your session because that’s what you’ll remember the least from.

As a personal one that I haven’t done research on or anything, if you have flashcards or anything like that, I really suggest walking while you use them. I have always thought that it helps me with memorization.

Don’t study for more than two hours without giving yourself a couple minutes for a break. You’re not encoding anything very well after that and the break refreshes your brain so it’s worth the loss of a few minutes.

Don’t begin to study until you are FREE to do so. Get the dishes done before you begin, get your emails answered, get your little worries taken care of etc. It’s not very productive to settle down to study only to be worrying about something else or getting up every twenty minutes to do your chores or something of the sort. This is something I’m very into, personally– I get my exercise, texts, emails, shower etc done as early in the morning as I possibly can so they’re not hanging over my head.

Triple read all of your textbooks if possible! Here’s my method:

First read: Just go through without doing anything.

Second read: Read everything again but annotate either on paper or on the margins (if you bought the book). Think about how the piece in its entirety works since you have already read to its conclusion.

Third read: Read everything again, including your annotations. Think about what you still don’t understand and research it online or talk to the teacher about it.

Review past tests from the class and also review past assignments. Remind yourself what the teacher looks for and don’t waste your time studying, for instance, definitions if they focus more on application of learning questions.

Elaborate when you rehearse definitions/words/concepts, don’t just use rote learning (flashcards, essentially). You remember so much more when you make the learning significant in some way for you. For an example, instead of just saying “’aslan’ is ‘lion’ in Turkish” fifty times to remember it, you would connect it to the Narnia books and remember it that way– “the lion in Narnia is aslan, aslan means lion.” Rote learning is not very effective or long-lasting.

Personally, I love quizzing myself, especially with definitions. It helps to say the stuff out loud since you then have not only a visual memory of reading the words but you also have an auditory memory of hearing the words said. That has saved me a lot of times, actually, but I’m not sure how well it works for other people! I can almost always remember hearing myself say the definitions/word/explanation etc.

These are pretty vague since I’m not sure what kind of studying you’re doing! I have different methods for languages, math, logic, science, psychology, etc. So if you need any help with particular subjects, let me know! And if you need any more help in general, even with me reading an online text so I can help you understand it, feel free to send me more asks or IMs! I hope this is all coherent.