#but her family wouldve killed to have her go and now she never can. and how im not going out of choice

[burnthybread]

>tried to be ultimate good friend by never talking to ky friends abt my issues because they were too extreme

>now have no one who cares

[hearts401]

Tessa fucks me up dude can I just talk about her for a sec? Yeah? Yeah.

She loved those drones. She loved them because they were what she had. She felt sympathy for them when nobody else did. And I like to think there was a little bit of loneliness motivating her as well.

Her mother hated her. She was nothing to her. When her mother scolded her by saying "seems you still can't follow simple orders" her respone was "No, no no! Please!" BEGGING. Begging her mother to believe in her and be kind to her. She got chained up in her room (multiple times btw. At leas tthats implied. the hand she winced at and rubbed is the same hand the chain was on, which means shed be chained up long enough for it to rub her skin painfully. long enough to leave lasting pain.)

She is very connected to these drones, to the point where she kept all the error drones aroud because she LOVED them. She spent time digging them up. HELL SHE TOOK A FAMILY PHOTO WITH THEM DUDE...

Even when Cyn was creepy and scary, she kept her around. She'd rather lock Cyn up than get rid of her. and when n points it out, shes apologetic and hesitant. But we know WHY she did that. Even if it was kind of a sucky move, it was because she didnt wanna have to throw cyn out. and in the end that killed her.

Also she knows J well enough to know what sets her off (enough to. bite the shit out of a chain). She knows them. and she loves them.

I wish we'd gotten to know more about her an N. why is he so clearly her favorite? but thats not relevant ig

also her saying "I've only ever yakked to robots, J!" She has NO human friends. she has nobody to support her other than these robots. these robots who get treated like garbage by her family.

and then she has to watch these robots turn on her. Not just THESE ROBOTS but the three that she loved most. (also im going off what wouldve happened in ep 5 WITHOUT uzi, where n doesnt get out of the swamp, and nobody goes down to the basement)

V first, then Cyn, then J. And we KNOW she loved these three+N especially bc she took a family photo w them, interacted with them more often, and generally just seemed much closer with them.

and what does she get for it? killed. And also its implied by this screenshot that she wasnt ACTUALLY killed by cyn right then

(the scientists, the sword beside her, the footprints, the way shes sitting against the wall, the expression she has. she totally just saw all that shit)

and she cant have been skyn bc the scientists wouldve known. the skinsuit wasnt exactly. hm. pretty.

which means she DID see her whole family+more slaughtered in front of her while she was powerless to stop it. She DID see J violently kill everyone around her. She DID see Cyn kill everyone. And she just has to. Deal with that. And despite all her efforts, the solver took over and cyn killed her. (im assuming tessa died somewhere around when n's mineshaft flashback was like i mentioned b4)

and all the while she was convinced shed lose N, id assume. based on the state of the other drone out there.

And honestly, i think what she got was worse.

also i am team "N knew Tessa wasn't the same Tessa he knew back on Earth"

The way he looked at her, and the way he was suspicious of her. He knew HIS Tessa would never treat a drone like this. Cyn has been known to have relatively shitty recreations of people at times (like Thad in episode two) But even so there was no way he could believe it was someone else (like. who would it be? he saw her blood he heard her voice like...) which is why he was so stressed after killing her (when he leaned on his sword and was breathing heavy, yk?)

he loved her and she loved him and now shes dead. just like everyone else he loved.

this isnt about n but like. idk if tessa could see him now i think shed cry. she loved him and all of them

[milfygerard]

it feels a little callous but i cant help but find this whole brittany mahomes thing kind of extremely funny because like. Ok so taylor has very valid reason to not speak out on this upcoming election at all considering she just narrowly avoided a terrorist attack from a different far right extremist group and america has guns and a decent population of people who thought shed use the superbowl to brainwash people into getting gay biden vaccines and im positive many of those people were the cops who would be in charge of investigating that terrorist threat but ALSO none of this wouldve happened if she didnt feel a deep need to be liked and so felt compelled to befriend her boyfriends coworkers wife except her boyfriend is a linebacktightendwhatever for the nfl so of course his coworkers wife (as well as a number of his coworkers) is a conservative white lady who obviously voted trump on the dl and so are most of her friends folding taylor into a circle that even at her most politically mum she never wanted to be involved in. Taylor swift is also of course a known coward who took 10 years and a movie to even just declare that shes a democrat which she obviously was and also obviously hid for marketing reasons (which was heavily encouraged by her team and her dad who is in her team) while taking advantage of the 2015 aesthetic pop politics to say that she likes gay people and respects women, which left a bad taste in peoples mouths once popular politics left its frothy naiivete behind in 2016 and she fell off the face of the earth in a valiant effort to not kill herself which allowed for the co-opting of her extremely white image from the growing reactionary movement that she eventually had to do way more work to cut down bc she didnt nip it in the bud fast enough which has left a long standing bad taste in peoples mouths and a negative association in their minds

but anyway this all leads back to the bizarre mean girl politics of 78 year old high schooler donald trump whose still mad that taylor called him a fascist because i guess he liked her music and who has spent the last few months trying to tie himself to her because she is currently God of the Monoculture and any mention of her brings attention which is mr celebrity apprentices only desire and the reason he even ran for president but now HIS star is falling as the republican party has finally found a good excuse to kick him to the curb because they have a far less embarassing woman who is popular enough that you can publicly support her and only leftists will be disgusted but fascist enough to work directly with you to continue funding and supporting the brutal racist border policies we hold with mexico and the insanse christian zionist genocide happening in palestine and definitely wont do anything to stop the transphobia culture war that you have rolling which will keep you in legislative and representative power for as long as you want BUT i digress. donald trump found out probably from understandably angry swifties that some WAG who liked posts supporting him is ALSO publicly associated with taylor swift and is considered a friend in her circles and so the DAY BEFORE hr boyfriends first game where she generally sits in the WAG group with families and partners including her new bestie brittany he makes a very public post announcing how he just SOOO APPRECIATES brittany mahomes and her PUBLIC SUPPORT and how its SO IMPORTANT TO HIM which sets a trap specifically made to torture taylor swift of choosing between publicly rejecting and admonishing brittany mahomes and her support which will not just piss off brittany and patrick burning a personal AND professional bridge, but also a large chunk of the extremely conservative NFL and could potentially have a negative impact on travis' career going forward considering how petty sports drama can be OR she can say nothing and trigger headline after headline of TAYLOR SWIFT FRIENDS WITHWOMAN PUBLICLY THANKED BY DONALD TRUMP FOR SUPPORT which isnt only a pr nightmare but also gets trump his one actual desire which is being paid attention to and discussed OR she can go to the game but show in some way that she endorses Harris/Walz which will cause a similar shitstorm but in this one the likeliness of major conspiracy thoeries and terrorist threats and plots based on those theories rises exponentially less than a month after the last terrorist plot (discussed earlier in the post) that led her to cancel a 4 show stay that I imagine wasnt great for her anxiety and paranoia

and the funniest part is this is 10000% entirely her fault for failing to pick a side on the public about politics vs just a singer and artist debate and constantly going back and forth as her morals, her business instincts, her cowardice, and her self conscious need to be liked all go to war with each other because she just had to be friends with her boyfriends coworkers wife without ever assuming that this wildly wealthy white woman may possibly be a conservative because all the wildly wealthy white women she hangs out with are DEMOCRATS! or at least PRETEND to be! and THIS is why you dont date guys who work in the NFL!

[spacedlexi]

Wait, people think Carver is the best TWDG villain?? I always thought he was basic as hell, and the fact that he was beefing with an 11-years old girl... Now Stranger on the other hand was great, he was super intimidating and off-putting and I was genuinely so scared he would hurt Clementine. I also liked Minnie for the same reasons (she was so creepy/off-putting), but I still think Stranger is the best villain bc he had a great setup while Minnie was kind of a secondary villain. But going back to Lilly/Carver, I also definitely prefer Lilly over Carver even though neither are my favorite... And now I'm kind of curious how you would rank the rest of the TWDG villains? 🤔

carver being the best villain is a sentiment ive heard for years 😭 im sure its coming from the "S2 is the best season" crowd tho which i also dont agree with 💀

the stranger is an effective villain. hes not exactly the typical villain type people expect. but hes very unsettling and him stalking clementine for who even knows how long through the walkie talkie is 🤢 he really makes me feel sick. she was using that talkie to deal with the loss of her parents, and this fucking creep took advantage of that so hard he was able to convince her to trust him. ugh he makes me feel so gross. and think of all the guilt clem must have about that situation. trusting this freak to help her find her parents, when if she had just stayed then lee wouldnt have gotten bit looking for her, and her parents were already dead the entire time anyway. oof. theres no way that isnt one of the biggest regrets of her life

carver is fine. i definitely think his character wouldve made more sense if they put kenny in that role instead. that way theres less "i am a grown man beefing with an 11 year old" and more "this is a child i helped look out for once, and im gonna make sure shes raised Right". but i agree that carver as he is is just over the top. overly villainous to the point of it being a little comical. like when villains are all tough like that my reaction is usually "god i WISH youd fucking kill me already so i dont have to hear your bullshit anymore do you know how GOOFY you sound??". if it was kenny in that role i definitely think they wouldve been able to tone it back a bit, and him "having a good side" wouldve been way more believable. as he is carver is kind of one note

joan.... definitely the weakest of the bunch. i dont really have much to say about her. david isnt even technically a villain but i definitely saw him as the better antagonist for the season. i mean hes definitely a villain in clems eyes. and is a constant semi-antagonist towards javi throughout the whole season. joans just kinda.. there.. doing things behind the scenes to cause conflict until the final confrontation. and then she can just disappear... okay

i like the way the antagonists work in S4. theres more of a discussion around what actually makes someone a villain and the difference between a person who fucked up and made (very horrible) mistakes, and a person who is straight up a threat. and i like that it connects back to the idea of lee and his murder of that senator. did he do something horrible? yes. did he destroy his relationship to his family? yes. does he regret what he did? i think so. and he definitely has guilt about his fucked up relationship with his wife. in S1 they mention how non-guilty people got sent to prison all the time. while lee is Definitely a murderer, we get to see over the season that hes a good guy who just wanted a family and in a moment of rage and betrayal did something he can never take back. this is why i never hated marlon. did he fuck up and do horrible things? of course. but he was a scared fucked up teen leading a group of other scared fucked up teens. he knows he fucked up, and continued fucking up to cover for his previous fuck ups lol. but he can be talked down. its a shame it ends the way it does, but i really like being able to teach aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly

lilly takes that kenny/carver idea and applies it to a clementine that has grown up and has been looking out for herself (and baby aj) for years now, instead of the 11 year old trying to figure shit out she was in S2. shes too old for lilly to be able to sway her in a way she couldve been more susceptible to in S2, and when lilly finally realizes this she just turns her attention to aj instead, seeing the potential in him (a potential clem does NOT want aj to live up to, wanting him to get to be a kid and not just a survivor, let alone a killer). lilly is fun because you can see in her that she WANTS clementine on her side, and throughout the season progressively realizes that its just never going to happen. both lilly AND clem come to the realization that this person they once considered family is beyond reason, their views too different, and so the fighting begins. their fight at the end of EP3 really feels like a "so its finally come to this" moment for both of them, their final fight. i always shoot her.

whats interesting about minnie is seeing her evolve from secondary antagonist in EP3 to straight up primary villain in EP4. the things shes done, the way shes been broken. she becomes her own downfall, seeing herself as someone beyond redemption. that this is just who she is now, its how things have to be. because if they didnt have to be this way? well then theres a lot more guilt she'd have to deal with. yelling at her in EP4 to just STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE but she has been changed (in her eyes) so irreparably that she cant see any other option. and she progressively sees clem as the one who fucked everything up for her, instead of accepting that it could all finally be OVER. after killing sophie, the delta was all she had left. it cant have all been for nothing. and so she blames clem for taking it all away from her, even tho clem is just trying to protect her family. the family that used to be minnies. and so in her rage she gets bit. something else that she couldve avoided. but shes just too lost to her own downward spiral, unable to be reasoned with. by that point she just wants it all to be Over. and she wants to take tenn with her so she can finally pretend things can all go back to the way they used to be. her, sophie, tenn, and their parents all together again, where no more bad things have to happen to them. shes super tragic and i love her for that. and i love how she holds this dark mirror up to clem. clem struggles to let go of her past too, and the guilt she has over the things shes done and people shes hurt. and that if she cant learn to let go and move on she could get lost to it the same way minnie did. theres a reason clem is so quick to accept her fate, but shes finally able to leave that guilt holding her to her past behind in that barn. and she returns to ericson a much happier and lighter person, so much weight finally lifted from her shoulders. its finally over for her too

so yeah. my fave villains are definitely the S4 ones due to their nuance and layers. then the stranger, then carver, then joan. if i had to put david on this list he'd probably be above carver. but thats mainly because he has more nuance than carver ever did

[theosconfessions]

ok. i'm caught up on scarlett doing her clout thing. and i gotta know something. does she maybe think that theo mainly came back to them because he wanted to get DUSTIN back and the family was just a package deal? does she maybe think he would never have come back had it not been for dustin? does she look at Theo and see a guy who mainly got his crap together for the sake of the guy he loved, and less for the children he has already admitted he didn't initially want? because then, it might not matter as much to her that dustin loves him and forgives him. because it would have nothing to do with her. she would be the setback to their great love story that they had to overcome.......which is probably why she went overboard in getting this info out. Like a "HA! I KNEW IT! YOU WERE ALWAYS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE!" and obviously she's never forgiven him and doesn't have to, just because Dustin did. Maybe she lowkey looks at Dustin crazy for even letting him back into their lives? Maybe Scarlett has never been able to forgive any of it?...oh god don't let her find out Theo called her the C word. She'd probably try to kill him....YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE STORYTELLER.

OMG! first of all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ! you have no idea how much it really means to me that you read about my wee psychos. im honoured seriously. second. BINGO. ding ding motherfucking ding! theos view on his kids havent changed. when he got himself straight he did that for dusty and for dusty only. the kids come with him and as awful as it sounds...his priority is only dustin and i think dustin may push that down just because he loves him but theres gotta be some part of him thats like questioning some things. although theo LOVES the kids he did everything he did for his husband and to get him back. if it werent for dustin i think scarlett knows that theo wouldve been long gone. the things with her specifically are rocky at best. dustins the real saving grace to her [even though she did him pretty dirty too] dustin took her and raised her. theo wasnt present. her mom was too caught up with jami to pay any attention to her. dustin took over and took responsibility for her. and i think although dustin gives his kids a great childhood.she holds a lot of ill will towards her dad because she knows KNOWS he only did this for the love of his life. theo CARES but even now at his age he's kinda just like theyre a little bit of an afterthought. hes still an asshole and hes been like this since he had his first kid with marlee. [hint he has way more kids than he lets on which is why hes on blake so hard and he knows this. theyre all grown now but he sees some repeats going on here with blake and riv and he isnt a fan ] the only kids theo has that were planned are the twins.. and that was for dustin. and for himself a little. they have these kids that bind them now. dustin cant shake him if he wanted to . he loves them . he does. but his patience is thin and hes old so the babies are a little trying for him. . scarlett absolutely doesnt forgive him for leaving. and her mother kind of turning her back on her leans more into that. and youre absolutely right i think she does look at dustin like what was wrong with our lives before he came back and whys he here? he just doesnt give a fuck . and dustins devils advocate here. he can make up for what theo lacks but i think scarlett wants her dad to be present himself. dustin can only do so much. i think dustin and theo are still working through a lot of things themselves. in dustins mind hed want theo to be more involved but he also knows theos just kind of MEH and theo is also just kind of a shitty person. and always has been. and although hes made some strides here nothing much has changed in regards to his views on kids for sure. LONG WINDED IM SORRY haha!

[orbitfalls]

Cygnus' breathing was rapid, pain and anger alike. "You broke the wards around the house?" The wards normally kept the coastal weather turmoil at a comfortable distance.

Walburga smiled condescendingly. "Right - bit chilly out, innit?" She took a patient sip of her cup. "Go on," she encouraged. "Sit." She gestured to the chair across from her.

CYGNUS HATES HER CAUSE SHE SLAYS TOO HARD

“If Walburga discovers that I had a half-blooded child..."

OH SHIT

"Why?" Cygnus was whispering now. "Why would you offer to do that?"

Alphard glanced at his feet. "Because you're my brother." He swallowed, looked down at the girl that Cygnus was pressing into his arms with heartbreaking tenderness. "You're my family. Both of you, it seems."

RAHHHHHDHEHSHSJSJDHEHWHWUSHEJEBR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“Certified, he is not,” Alphard interrupted. His brother turned to him, and he continued, eyes narrow. “But capable, yes. Quite capable indeed.”

bro thinks he’s master yoda😭

The volume of his words terrifies me. At once, I am no longer the god, the one who tells the story. He speaks directly to you. I am merely a medium, and it pulls the air from my lungs like I am little Narcissa, lying flat on my back while he replaces my breath with his artificial stream of life. This is why we call him the Lord; because his voice clings to the fabric of reality, echoes between the walls.

I am a god. I am the Lord, whose name cannot be spoken.

THIS IS LITERATURE

The Lord’s lips tightened. “My Lord,” he rectified. “Say it.”

Alphard bared his teeth at him. “Force me once you have my loyalty, fuckass.”

HELP ME OH MY GOD ALPHARDFJDJAKSJEJRB

“For getting our daughter killed. For running away once things got tough, for sweeping me up in your stupid storm, I don’t care—all of it.”

“I did not run away from the tough things,” Alphard sneered, “I ran away from you, because you ruin everything you touch.”

my toxic yaoi fr (also i know it’s definitely not true but in my head the narrator is the mysterious daughter)

'CYGNUS HATES HER BC SHE SLAYS TOO HARD' NO FR SHHDGSHJG YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST YALL

JSHDSJDSJ not the yoda nooooo😭😭 LMFAOO i can never unsee this again now

SJDHJHSDJ astra i love your commentary you really get it (toxic yaoi frfr lmao)

Also the narrator👀 i almost actually revealed the narrator's real identity in this chapter and i think you wouldve been GAGGED sjshjdsjh (i decided i wanted more buildup tho so i changed it to 'leave us, dear' instead of 'leave us, *name*' shdjdhsjhdhdsjhsjj)

[strawberryjamsara]

HELLO

Idk if you've seen the ending where you choose all the red options but i wanna hear your thoughts abt it if you have...

Also because im going insane over it so i need to get my thoughts out somewhere (about the red option ending)

// spoilers below?

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

Sara admitting that she doesn't make any new connections because she's afraid of dragging them into a world of darkness despite not having (to her) any credible evidence that such a thing will happen is so????

Does she subconsciously know something is up with her family?? I assume she's caught on that her family life is a lil off due to her having an option(s)? About her father going -> (Eg. When you tell joe "Don't laugh" she goes "Don't laugh at my father!!" And there's an option that says something about embarassment abt her dad)

Like???

AND THATS NOT EVEN MENTIONING THE DG APPEARANCE IN A MINISODE SET !!BEFORE!! THE TIMELINE OF THE GAMES??? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT IS GOING ON??

(AND THE IMPLICATIONS THAT SARA DID SURVIVE THE DG AND IS NOW LIKE "I WONDER WHAT WOULDVE HAPPENED IF I DID THIS INSTEAD? WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT")

My brain will now be rotating this minisode like a microwave for months now 😭 goddamn nankidai's wild ride never ends

HI HI SO I FOUND OUT THE RED ENDING EXISTED AFTER I COMPLETED THE INITIAL STORY AND ITS. SOMETHING.

There’s so much to unpack with the red ending. In a sense the red ending changes so much of the perspective of the story. Part of me thinks maybe this story is Sara post logic, trying to piece together remnants of her memories of Joe. Who was he? A best friend? A crush? Something in between? She’s putting so many pieces together, and also starting to take notice of the “red flags” she had with her father. We’ve seen signs of her home life before but here they’re essentially playing on a loudspeaker what kind of father he was.

And also this ending shows so much self hatred from Sara. The idea she’s dark and unknowable and that she’s destined to drag others down with her if she makes friends (very Catholic of you Sara). And it feels like another thing she was subtly ‘taught’. Her dad just needed her to keep on with what he’s said about never holding back, and the guilt will be enough that she doesn’t form ‘real’ bonds. So she doesn’t really become attached to anyone, since she needs to have that trait if she’s going to be willing to kill.

But you know who else has that trait? That ‘I’m an awful person who will drag others down with me’ mentality that makes them form walls? Trick question it’s two people. Keiji and Kai.

Kai hating his ‘darkness’ being fine with Mr Chidouins love even as he’s essentially used as a servant and not allowed to speak to his family… While it probably didn’t start after he worked there, I can see Mr Chidouin nursing that feeling in him so he can be a better weapon. His way of getting him to be willing to die for the cause of rescuing his daughter. And won’t that just feed her feeling of dragging others down? The fact that someone she never even knew died for her, and she spent the whole time thinking he was some stalker? It’s just one thing to keep her feeling like she hurts whatever she touches, after the other guilt of her best friend dying.

And Keiji… Oh Keiji. It’s not really hard to see that the reason Keiji stops trying to manipulate Sara and grows a genuine attachment to her is because he sees himself in her. More precisely he’s afraid she’ll end up like him. And yet despite their hatred for attachments and belief that they will hurt other people, they form one of the strongest connections in the game. Maybe because of it. Because Keiji never really shows full vulnerability maybe Sara thought he was ‘safe’ to get close too. If he didn’t care all that much, and even he seemed fine with the darkness, she couldn’t cause him to get worse. And then they both caused each other to get better. Urrrgh I’m punching the ground:

[yatorihell]

Noragami Reread Volume 22-27

I've finally reached the end of my reread. I am reading the final chapter tonight, and I haven't seen a single spoiler for the cover nor ending. This is going to be crisp.

Vol 22

84

Nora trying to keep up with Father walking away knowing she's being abandoned

Yato realising he abandoned Yukine like yes the mommy issues are now here

Yukine partying and living it up like he did when he first got named, but now he's more self aware

Remember when Yukine started become an ayakashi and then

'Your god is not your dad' Nora projecting the abandonment but yh she's right

Nora with the 'please say my name' I hate this

Takemika is ripped fuck damn bitch

Kofuku figured out Yato's plan to kill Father

Ojkjbj Takemika spins Ebisu to divine the Sorcerer's location

Oh the seahorse he buried is called Takemika how cute

Adult Yukine vision like we didn't need the reminder he won't grow up

I WANTED TO GROW UP

Hagusa is born and its a bad time for like a year

85

Oh Father's so evil (he is hugging Yukine) and he's going to the house

Yato can't believe Yukine is stray bitch same

Nora seems to have turned a corner with Father leaving her (this lasts like 10 chapters)

'Can I even be normal again' (as of right now I have read the chapter nor been spoiled so idk!!!!)

Hiyori doesn't want to be stuck this way which is good

Nora mumbling to herself about Hiyori

Nora played pretend family because she's a good girl

Foreshadowing of Nora asking why it's easy for girls to come into the world because she never made it

Shinigami protecting Hiyori from Nora and it turns out its actually her grandpa

Grandma Iki's death and her telling Hiyori to go to the person she loves

'If you wait until he's gone it'll be too late' I hate this manga

86

Seeing grief affecting the family reminds Hiyori she has to come back

Plot to hide Nora's names revealed

God it was all a ploy to befriend yukine

Hiyori and Nora the unlikely friendship

Ebisu trying to throw salt on Kofuku to protect the economy nsnd

Old Ebisu talking to himself is so cute and sad when we know what he's been through

Oh we've reached the refrigerator I'm so sad Adachitoka you make me so sad

87

Oh they're at the old house I hate this

Yukine's been dead 35 years which was a surprise

Hiyori laying flowers on the fridge and praying

Oh he's learning who he was and the barber wouldve been his friend I'm so sad they forgot about him right when they were talking

Yukine's dad was handing out fliers to search for murdered son this plot is dastardly and I don't believe we'll get resolution because that's how the world is

Sobbing they knew there were problems and thought Yukine chose to stay

Yukine finding out his life wasn't all sunshine and not wanting to know more mood

Vol 23

88

Oh it's Yukine's grave and sister's house I'm so sad

'Even you've got one or two assholes you don't want to probe'

Yato thinking Yukine would want to kill his family

Yukine wanted the dogs to eat him that killed Suzuha hate!!!

Living Yukine encouraging his sister to live and run towards the future he wouldn't see

Father goading Yukine into finding his family and talking about giving him a proper burial I've had enough of this dude

Gunna throw up there's a beer can in the fridge

'Even now my father is still killing me'

Yukine's had his reverse Kaneki phase

Fuck offf with the flower Father you heartless bitch

Oh Yukine's gone baby boy he's Hagusa nke

Yato's face that Yukine is changed and the ending saying unprecedented agony fucking mood

89

Yukine's mother is dead reveal

'He's my hafuri'

Yato apologising and explaining immediately why he did it

Yato's hesitation to draw his sword against Yukine

We've got a catboy on our hands

Sorcerer was human and has a grave finally a plot to kill him for good

Yukine seeing his dad in Yato

Yato protecting the tree and cutting Yukine's hand because he chose that spot for Yuka to think of her brother and he's actually there

Yato laying absolutely fucked up on the grave of the boy who just did it to him

BISHAMON AWAKE

90

Oh Yukine doesn't even realise it was Yato he thought he hurt his dad

Hiyori's got a letter for Yuka oh we were dying to know what it said for ages

'You'll die you idiot' and Hiyori's face like I didn't believe it would happen

Hiyori death foreshadowing tracker: 7

Hiyori and Nora holding hands when they meet Yuka

Oh I'm so sad Yuka thinks Haruki is alive and had children Adachitoka you make me so sad

Yato not wanting to draw on Yukine because of his dad

Remember when we got that panel of Yuka and it had showed up in chapter 3 like 1p years ago the foreshadowing is insane

Yukine's possession of people is a good thing tbh but it goes too extreme

Once again the art is insane rip Adachitoka

91

Yuka has the letter ndnd

Yuka forced the divorce and the were forced to rock paper scissors to decide who would stay behind

Bishamon is kinda up I wish she did more in the final

Throwing up screaming thank you Okuninushi for blessing Yatori's plaques I can't wait to see what the effect of that is in the final chapter

Oh the return box of letters all torn up I hate this

Yukine's power just shows the good of humanity but its still flawed like humans

Ooharai begins and lasts like 25 chapters

Volume 24

92

Yato's back in the trashcan

Nora doesn't hate heaven but Yukine does because he cut it accidentally trying to save Yato logic

Father laughing about taking Yukine to the fridge he is the worst man

OK so Rekki can't cut the word interesting

'Daddy's just gunna have to take another one away from you' and trying to name Kazuma

Shocked pikachu face that Yato sold him out to Heaven

93

The expressions are really popping off

Father mentioning Yukine's dead in front if Kazuma hhfn

Yukine let Yato get away <3

'Mind full of nothing but viina just like normal'

Takemika and Ebisu the unlikely friendship to go lookinf for the grave

94

Yukine on a rager about finding his dad and Father hitting him here we gooo

'You're not allowed to have desires and wishes because that's what a god is'

Father back on his breaking Kazuma bullshit

'Kazuma's love is unphantomable like a bog'

Father neck cut tracker: 2

Adachitoka really got us with the earplugs for Kazuma a bit of common sense finally

'Yukine is mine, Hiyori will die someday, so why bother running from me'

Nora backstory

It's strange how an ayakashi could latch onto Nora before she was born

'I wanted someone who knows neither good nor evil'

Baby Yato and his ear necklace ft Sakura's tree??

Father is the delulu king he thinks Yato's putting on an act to save him

Oh the image of baby Yaboku fighting father sjbdbd

Father was this close to getting killed and then nothing

95

Takemika and Ebisu did a room of requirement finding the island tbh

Amaterasu feeling the net

'Heaven has missed things so we have to find someone to punish' logic

How did we go from Father's pinned down to back fighting

How dare Yato betray him after getting food water shelter

Oh Yukine can't look when he's told to attack Yato I hate it here

Gods are getting stuck in the net

Saving Yukine is priority over killing Father <3

Kazuma gets called Kazune and makes up a sweat song ldndb

We're so close to saving Yukine and then it gets worse

Volume 25

96

Oh the letter Yuka never got his letters and he's asking why she won't wrote back I'm so fucking miserable

AND IT LED TO HIS DEATH oh I'm so sad Adachitoka you make me so sad

Kazuma trying to fly to Yukine with Rekkis scarf sjdb

Oh yes we're getting Okuninushi fucking it up like I wished

Nora be like I'm not stupid he's trying to use me and then....

Ah now the gods are calling the shinki when they shouldn't

Oh Nora why did you have to go to him

97

Nora's just so happy to be useful again

Damn the town's really just burning

'Someone like me who's ever called her Nora doesn't have the power to call her back' hopefully Nora gets/choses a name for herself irrespective of shinkihood

Likening having a name to being given life

Fathers lost it he doesn't even want to do what he wanted he's just angry and wants to kill Amaterasu now and Nora's like no

Grave has been found and the gravekeeper family was a surprise

The Sorcerer killed someone who escaped justice and saved the gravekeeper

Lol remember when we got Father's backstory and people were trying to argue that he didn't kill the monk

I wonder if he stole the clothes off his body they're awfully similar

Nora is absolutely fucking them up go girl

98

Father used Heaven's systems to his advantage to name Nora, control ayakashi and create Yato

Father calling himself a necessary evil and Amaterasu clapping back that Yato is the necessary one

Amaterasu starts taking Nora's names

Father flashback to Yomi and Kaya revealed

Yukine stopping Amaterasu as she tries to release Chiki

Oh all the vents opening

Amaterasu can't take names made with the word

Yato's back in the fight let's gooo

99

Father does have a bit of a point to be like why do gods do this to the world

Father's finally been shot

We never really get Amaterasus story, was she reincarnated to keep young and manageable, is that just how old she grows

The living live and the dead die

Yukine's finally realised what he's done to the world

'To death do we part and in death we shall meet again' oh I'm so sad that's such a Yatori thing Adachitoka you make me so sad

Yukine's gone to Yuka oh he sees her as a young girl I'm so sad adachitoka you make me so sad

Oh this is the last time Yukine sees Hiyori before That happens I'm so sad this is awful

Their mother was absolutely spinless she just have the letters back to him and gave him money and she never heard from her son again

Oh Yukine's realised he's dead and he sees the truth and Yuka I'm so sad

Oh I'm so fucking miserable Yukine's memories and the burial and he's at the postbox and he's got the protection charm Yato and Hiyori gave him and Yato's hand reaching out and he's called him name and he's gone back to blond I'm actually so miserable this is awful

LIKE SNOW FALLING INTO YATO'S ARMS!!!!

Oh he knows he's dead I'm so fucking miserable this is the worst chapter in my opinion (so far)

Vol 26

100

Oh Hiyori can smell Yato now I'm

DID YOU BURY ME YATO

Oh I'm actually so sad this is the worst manga in the world

Kazuma still blissfully ignorant of death <3

Father's lost it again he's so mad

Bishamon shown up

Bishamon wondering where Kazuma is and that she won't forgive herself if something happened to him hsdbdb

Yat about to finish the job and Nora has to go break Kazuma

101

Oh Bishamon can feel Kazuma fading

Nora was holding back all that time hdhd

Kazuma believes he and Nora are even

It's been quite a day yeah it started with Hiyori and Nora meeting Yuka and it ends with That

Back to Father's backstory

Father saved the village from a boulder and was enshrined by the villagers who keep his grave

Takemika is just ready to destroy the grave

Oh Yuka says about visiting Haru's grave if she knows where will Hiyori even get the chance I hate this

Father I'm begging you just die Yato isn't coming back to you this wasn't a little prank

Oh Hiyori no go home

'Because I love my father'

Oh Hiyori's tail is hanging by a THREAD

Hiyori death foreshadowing tracker: 7?

102

Nora healing Hiyori's blight and sorting her body before leaving she is a good girl really

Remember when we found Hiyori couldn't go back to her body shdhf

'You're gunna be fine' my mantra until That happened in 108

Quickly flashback of baby Yato foreshadowing what's about to happen

Ebisu figuring out the gravekeeper does soul calls

Remember when we thought they were gunna kill that whole family jdbdb

Father is the queen of gaslighting himself

Father neck cut tracker: 3

The reveal that the gravekeepers family were ghosts was so good

Ebisu promising to keep going but I know that his name will never be revealed not even to us for that fourth wall content

Love how the gravekeeper just died like immediately thank you king

'I'm going to go on with them living in a world without you' please please please final chapter they get to live together (they can't <3)

Oh Yato's hand is small in Yukine's he's ready to reincarnate

103

Oh Kazuma is remembering

Oh we were so pressed that he said he could go home and he vanished but its because he's gone back to Bishamon I'm so sad

DISAPPEARING WITHOUT A TRACE WOULD BE A FITTING END FOR ME this is the worst I'm so sad this is awful I hate foreshadowing

It's just endless isn't it Father with 5000 lifelines

Back to Father's backstory ie how he got killed over rice and then rejected dkndn

Oh he made a mask that looked like her

Father likening Kaya to paradise in death

Oh I'm so fucking miserable Kazuma returns to Bishamon and asks if he's in Heaven this is peak romance

'Can you just shut up and die already' fucking mood

Father with the two lifelines like just die

Vol 27

104

We are shook that Father's original form has appeared

Poor Fujisaki's gunna feel so hungover been possessed by that musty bitch for like 16 years(?)

Oh he called Nora a dumpster baby now its personal

Oh Yomi powers we've got the final form and new nation

Shiiho calling Arahabaki dad <3

Oh Okuninushi and the reincarnated gods I'm so sad

Hiyori is in the nation and the Sakura tree is there I hate this I wanna stop

Oh he's put Yato and Nora in their weakest forms I hate him die die die

Oh Nora has completely given up same

And now it's world domination some men just need therapy tbh

It's interesting that all the sacrifices of the real world are apparently in the new nation and Father really thought he'd find Kaya alive in there djbdbd

People say he's a good dad and I agree <3 (he is attempting deicide)

This is the worst manga in the world the fridge is full of sakura blossoms and Yukine is coming to save Yato and now he's a fucking ayakashi dog he's fully evolved into a furry

105

If you told me this was the final boss fight when I joined this manga I'd be like how the hell did we get here

Now we've got the human possession

I wonder if the people who were killed will come back or if the gods just had to kill them for real

The gods telling their shinki they have to kill and like this is a fucked up situation but it needs to be controlled ig

Nora beginning to question Father and what he does and realising she's scared of him and she's been a pawn

So Sekki is able to break the barrier

106

Oh Hiyori you're looking rough

Oh Yukine is disintegrating help

It's strange how we never get an inkling he's looking for Kaya and this new nation, it was about culls and removing the gods not finding her

Amaterasu really doesn't interfere she just watches or sometimes gets involved

How is it that the shinki can be seen by the near shore now its still the true world

Father be like I've returned from the dead and I scare you why don't you love me you were crying

Someone says divine punishment and immediately Father is like the gods did this specifically like he didn't play a part in her death

Father bitches that forgiveness is for the weak but thinks Kaya would forgive him

Father says he couldn't do anything but the belief system back then meant that he could be recalled after death did he even try?

Daikoku refusing to kill that child like a normal person

'He's been seeking something his whole life just like me' and there's the shrine and Yukine

We fr thought we'd found Kaya lol I mean I guess we did but Father thought she'd be normal and not like the others he called sacrifices

Oh he's so sad it's giving Pedro Pascal (I think I said that when it came out and I was shot)

Screaming throwing up Yato knows Hiyori is here

Oh I'm so fucking miserable 'we shall meet again those words have come full circle' I gate this life

For a brief shining moment I thought it was a trick and the real Hiyori was elsewhere but then SOMEONE had to go and do THAT

LET'S GO HOME

Oh I'm actually so fucking sad Yato's voiceover saying its his fault he wouldn't fix her problem with the flashbacks and then Sakura's words about you can never see them again when they die Adachitoka you're the worst

Kiun seeing sense and letting the young lesd because times have changed

Kofuku calling Daikoku's actions irrational like he's just not only locked him in a phone box for a bit instead of killing him

I wonder who summoned all the shinki though because how are Kuzuha and Kuruha helping with containment, Bishamon's not around

Takemika saying that Amaterasu may never change

'Why would you do that to her' because he's a bitch!!!!!!!

Oh I hate this manga Father's trying to name Hiyori and he pulls her head back and the light is gone fron her eyes and there's a tear and I'm ending it after tbe final chapter

Oh he's naming her I hate my life Yukine's nearly gone too

All this time all the warnings we never believed we'd get this

Oh its all her memories and one page is just Yato and he's thanking her for the shrine I'm so sad Adachitoka you make me so sad why did you do this

Oh the shattered image if Hiyori like reflections of my life

FINAL FATHER NECK CUT TRACKER: 4

OK so theory is that because Hiyori was a shinki made within the nation of the word, she was able to destroy it?

Also if the brush is gone then Chiki and Yuuki should be gone

108

Yukine's back oh I'm so sad

Oh I'm so fucking miserable Hiyori looks so innocent and Yukine nearly says her name but Nora stops him and then Yato nearly says her name and then he realises he can't and then he screams and so do I

Father die challenge?????? Stfu

Yukine furry form is here to stay ig I wish he mauled Father a bit but he found her body!!!!!

Yato saying be can't handle a world without Hiyori but he can't destroy it like his dad would

Oh I'm so sad 'this world she protected is the grave where she sleeps' worst manga ever

'You can make miracles happens can't you'

DON'T GIVE UP YET

Remember when we thought Yato was looking up to Amaterasu for help lol

Kazubisha having a quick catch up

Now is not the time but Yato looks good jdhdb

Hiyori just not got a clue whats happening

Father's still being a little bitch

The fact he has no lifelines like when did Yato cuts Fujisaki's ties???

Nora finally standing up to Father

Father has drowned, ignored by his children <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 my heart is so full

Oh I'm so sad they've been there so long there's snow on their heads and Yukine is crying and I hate it

But that also means they keep Hiyori clear of snow to keep her warm I hate it here!!!

Yato disappearing because everyone who knew him was dead and he breathed Hiyori back to life and saved her (and himself I'm maifesting)

Oh now they're both crying for Yato and Yukine's hugging him this is the worst day ever

I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THAT I AM

Oh this really is the worst day ever the final kiss of life and HIS TEAR IS ON HER FACE WHEN SHE WAKES UP

Oh she nearly says his name I'm so sad how is this going to end there is so much to unpack in this manga

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

who should be shipped with young tom riddle

A. Walburga

B. Orion

C. Hagrid

or D. Alphard

🤔

i've actually never seen tom x hagrid before, but it gives me the ick. the expelling incident was too icky, and as much as i love an unhealthy relationship (which is bound to take place w tommy) i just ? don't ship hagrid with anyonejkjda

i know it's like . very teenagerish that i dont ship the guy who's not very romanticizable but like dkhafhka umm. hagrid isn't very intelligent and prone to be tricked easily, and that just kind of isn't my favourite flavour of unhealthy relationships.

walburga and tom is personally hilarious to me bc walburga is a very bipolar batshit fucking insane bitch (canon) with a need to mother everyone (i have reasons for saying this!) (in her own, toxic, possessive, way) and tom has mommy issues. i don't think they ever had anything go on between them, but i think tom wouldve liked walburga. he def approached her for recruitment idc what anyone says (unless . like . canon evidence.)

kinda bellamort vibes. kinda.

orion. is straight. but like. no one is 100% straight yk. if orion had one (1) boycrush, it would be tom. orion is litr a coward (he's barely mentioned in the books which i read as him being walburga's cocksleave who says yesmaam to whatever she says & not doing shit on his own). now, orion didn't have any apparent impact on sirius (he never mentions him) or the house (no (apparent) portrait, even though he's lord black) which i read as him just blending into the background. i mean, as much as a black can blend in, anyway. yeah so whatever right,,, he was also younger than tom so i don't think tom had any interest in him. there's more interesting people in the world, the only thing orion would've had that mightve caught tom's fancy would be him being heir black (tomxsiriuspropagandainsert). but like,,, yeah.

now alphard <333333

um. so. i headcanon alphard being like two years younger than walburga, and wally is two years above tom soo. stars align. (funny black family joke.) sirius alphard black and his horrible taste in men is delicious & i love it. he pulls the dark lord by being non-threatening enough that he's not intimidating tom, but hard enough to rival him (at least for a while).

a teaches t about all the magic in the fucking world, and t is drawn to a's charm&looks&intelligence&magic. same w alphard.

it would be so toxic too bc tom would be impersonal as shit and never tell alphard anything right,, he'd cheat repeatedly, he'd make up rumours and lies, he'd make horcruxes, he'd visit a country, he'd plan world domination and when alphard asks about it he's reminded that tom and alphard dont mean anything to each other, theyre simply fucking because theyre teenage boys !!!!!!

uhm. idk how yap more.

tom would remove alphard's memory of their friendship (it was never very public, they both avoided each other anytime but nights) once he became voldemort (homophobia :3) and alphard will always wonder why his dick stands up at the thought of the dark lord 🙏🏼🙏🏼

uh but yeah they broke up in sixth year when alphard found out tom was the one who killed myrtle (erased memory!). alphard has a heart and it is fragile unfortunately.

uhh but i do hc tom did love alphard. ik it's implied that he cant feel love (bc of the love potion?) buuut idk ? i feel like if coming from a love potion would literally turn you into.... wahtever that was.... it'd be a crime yk. he's just a very fucked up kid. psychopathic. he just turns into a proper monster as he starts making horcruxes. he loved & trusted alphard and he told him stuff about himself (a reason why he removed his memories!) like myrtle. bro was NOT good w words. (canon).

yerp.

<3

[baby-yaga]

yesterday, post burial, on our way back to the church to grab a plant, my mom told me, "love him for who he was, dont hate him for who he wasnt. thats the best way to go through life without baggage." and i get where she was coming from, but i dont think thats right.

sometimes people say that the opposite of love isnt hate, its indifference. i did love my dad. i also hated him. they never cancelled each other out. i can love him for his warmth, his humor, his intelligence, his gregariousness, and still hate him for his absence, the abuse, the neglect, how he gave so much of himself to everyone else but his 3 children.

im haunted by my mom telling me that my dad once told her, "if i knew then what i know now, we never wouldve gotten divorced." i cant even picture what that wouldve been like. there was a brief period after my dad left his late wife, where he was living with us again. my parents werent together, it was basically a roommates situation, and in all honesty it was the best part of my teen years.

we had all been through a lot. his late wife was abusive to pretty much everyone in her life, except when she was passed out on oxy. i was deeply resentful of my dad remaining married to her despite how horribly she treated my brother and i, and also him. when she passed away, we were all having dinner with my sister, and when my dad told trey and i what happened, i think it was really shocking to him that we looked at each other, and replied, "good."

but when he lived with us again, it was weird, but it wasnt bad. i liked having him around all the time. i liked getting to spend time with him for real. he picked me up from school, we ate dinner together, watched movies, i started going to the gym with him. we were living together when i went on my first date ever. we were living together when i came out to him. we were living together when i tried to kill myself.

but it didnt last forever. he moved in with a new girlfriend eventually. he kept it a secret, so when he moved in without telling me before hand, i was so mad. i wouldnt go over to their place, a duplex that was less than 5 minutes from our house. i wouldnt meet his girlfriend. i think i was hurt beyond words that he was breaking up our family again, but i didnt realize that until just now.

he tried to force it one night, wanted to ground me if i didnt come. we got into a tug of war match over my laptop in the entry way. i was so frustrated, hurt, i felt so un-heard, i screamed, "i hate you! i never want to see you again!"

he looked surprised. then, he looked devastated. he put down my laptop gently on the entryway table, and left without a word.

he called that night, and explained himself. he said something like, "a friends son passed away recently. i just dont want to lose our relationship."

i said, "im sorry that happened, dad. but i wish you wouldnt try to make me feel bad just because you feel bad."

he replied, "so im just supposed to feel miserable by myself?"

i dont remember what i said exactly. it was something to the effect of, "fine! keep making everyone around you miserable, until you have no one around but yourself!" i slammed the phone down. this was in like, 2008 or so, so we still had a landline, lol.

we didnt speak for 2 weeks. he picked up my brother to come sleep at his place, didnt speak to me, and then would leave. i didnt know that what i wanted was for him to move back in for good. it wasnt reasonable, really. he wanted to date, i think he felt weird about it while living with my mother, and also he didnt have his own room, he was sleeping in a bunk bed with my brother. so i understand now why him moving out happened. but at the time i was so upset hed kept it a secret from me. i still think that was the wrong move. if hed been open about it, given me some time to adjust without springing it on me, it mightve gone a little smoother.

anyway, the night i spoke to him again. he was coming over to pick up trey again. i started crying and threw myself at him. i said i was sorry over and over. i missed him so much. i loved him so much. i just wanted him to be my dad again.

he just held me, and rocked me back and forth. he kissed the top of my head and said, "its ok, its ok." we stood like that for a long time, until i stopped crying. i met his new girlfriend that night. they showed me the room theyd prepared, a bed and everything, for my brother and i to share. it was the first time id ever had a place to stay at his house. before, i was sleeping on the couch, or, when my step-brother was in basic training, i got to sleep on his futon. it meant so much to me.

i miss him. ive missed him my whole life, it seems. missing him isnt new. but this is different. it feels like theres an empty pit inside of me that i was positive was bottomless, but its somehow gotten deeper.

[nikomedes]

(thinking about my durge again. normally)

i realized i rly don’t think shrike ever saw orin as a threat, but not in a dismissive way. i think he was grateful. on a certain level once he’d been brought to the cult of bhaal, sprayed with a garden hose (so he could be re-blood-drenched properly), re-domesticated, and filled in on the religious dogma of bhaal, i think he looked at younger orin like. okay she is blood of bhaal but she’s a descendant of a descendant. bhaalist worship loves children of bhaal fighting to the death, but that made shrike cagey around sarevok, not orin. orin was a bright spot. dangerous enough not to need coddling but young and full of surprises and just as fucked up as he was. i think having been functionally dragged out of the woods as a rabid animal and then made to lead a church, her digging at him or dogging his footsteps or ambushing him wouldve made him feel more normal, almost? like i imagine theres a sharp division between bhaalspawn and bhaal devotees, and orin was technically on his side of the line but not a clear and present danger. predator pups will play fight, play hunt each other. i think thats how shrike saw their relationship

on the other hand, i think orin fucking hated him lmao. she killed her own mother and was cosseted by sarevok and likely knew from a young age that because sarevoks time had come and gone she was to be the scion of bhaal, at least in baldurs gate. and then sceleritas fel drags in this nonverbal twitching cannibal elf and is like “actually this guy is MADE from bhaal and thus supercedes u.” and sarevok presumably just accepts this once shrike does enough killing. and shrike unintentionally always broadcasts the fact that he doesn’t take her seriously. he finds her cute. he won’t even just kill her off and be done with it— for some reason he likes the idea that she’ll just hang out in the temple with him forever. they can braid each others hair. no one in this temple has the rational thinking or emotional intelligence to try to really understand each others perspectives and hash out this utterly fucked family dynamic. bhaal would probably see them killed for trying. so shrike dotes on orin in his way and orin seethes and then finally she bashes his fucking head in and gets everything she wanted. but then of course he comes out of the woods again to ruin her life

and god. this is so crucial to me bc for me canonically shrike will always handle cazador with astarion before facing the temple of bhaal. he helps strike down the monster who ruled over astarion and pitted him against his siblings, and astarion gets to kill him, is free of him, and while theres no touching reunions his “siblings” are free too. it all (from a truly fucked perspective) works out. and shrike rejects bhaal bc he’s taken onboard shadowheart rejecting shar, lae’zel rejecting vlaakith, astarion killing cazador, etc, he knows he has a choice now that he didnt when he was compelled to kill his clan and then dragged feral out of the woods. and shadowheart still got to meet nocturne, lae’zel finds kinship with kith’rak voss, astarions “siblings” lived. i rly think he goes into the temple of bhaal thinking he can somehow get orins netherstone and save her too. and that is not what she fucking wants. its fucking insulting. even after she nearly succeeded in assassinating him, he won’t take her seriously as a scion of bhaal. i rly think its only moments before shrike has to kill her that he realizes a fight to the death was all she ever wanted, because at least in this he has to acknowledge her as an equal, finally. and shrikes misery is 100%. he rly went in and thought, even if hes now remembered in gory detail killing his foster mothers and their whole clan, he might leave bhaal with a sister. and that was never going to happen

literally if he didnt have a new sort of adoptive relationship with jaheira, his comraderie with the other companions but particularly lae’zel, and his relationship with astarion, withers couldnt have called him back. he just wouldve let bhaal kill him and been added to the wall of the faithless. on a fundamental level he was born a predatory wild animal, taught the warmth of a hearth and place to belong by his mothers in a way bhaal has been trying to blot out ever since, and no amount of devolution of him as a person could get rid of the knowledge of love on a basic, maybe instinctual level. if someones kind and loving life can be shattered by an act of violence, i think someones life of violence and misery can be shattered by an act of love. i think he carried love like a disease even when he repressed his childhood to survive in the wilds, and he tried to spread it the first chance he got, to orin. it just didnt take. it wasnt something she needed the way he did (she thought she had it. thats why her reaction if u convince her sarevok betrayed her hits so fucking hard. shes destroyed by the loss of love, even as fucked as it was). and if he’d made his way back to the temple alone to face the truth about orin he wouldve died of love like a terminal disease. rabies parallels but not the obvious ones

anyway. is there anything as undoing as a sister. etc. god i gotta write for shrike again

[turnupfortragedy]

i miss my mom rn. she passed away a year ago. i never really liked her much or loved her much while she was here. mainly because she did so much to traumatize me in the name of “being a good parent”. but idk she was totally right those silly fb or pintrest or wherever boomer “meme” images like in you teens u hate ur mom then in your 20s this in yours 30s this and im like hey im in my 30s now and i could really just use like that unmatched mothers love feeling. i never felt it then because i was so deattached from her. she hurt me a lot in many ways but she might have loved me. idk if i will ever know. how do you know if people love you? i always just thought if you can do and say these things to me how can you say you love me? but i used to curse her under my breath and just talk about how much i hate her and wouldnt be sad when she was gone... im sad because she was an interesting person i wouldve never chose in my circle but as my mother i see that there were these times i did need her but she always needed my help and i never noticed when she needed me she inadvertantly was helping me get something i needed. we didnt get along on traditions or points of view typically but idk i could be brutally honest and she knew and accepted that about me. sometimes shed say she was jealous because she wish she had my strength to speak up and “fight” when needed. and idk maybe i need that now. i feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. i feel like im just barely here like a weird faded version of me that you can hardly read but like you can see the words but time has worn em down. we had some good times in between allllll the fucked up bad shit and i yearn to go on a pointless drive with someone so open to do whateverin the name of curing boredom and monotony. id love to go get shitty $5 breakfast and laugh so loud the other diners feel uncomfortable. id kill to just go for a drive with my mom so she can annoy me about all the family drama going on and buy me a crappy shirt from kohls and try to sing lyrics to songs she doesnt know and buy my love and apologize for all the damage she did. i forgive you mom and im sorry if it was hard to handle having a child so different from what you knew about life. i wish we had something better but this is nice too

[primroses-n-deadleaves]

i dont have anyone to talk to rn, not out of anything bad theyre just busy and also have their own issues and so on; its okay still it leaves me wondering what went wrong? i only have two ppl that i can rlly talk to like both socialize and also to the extremes of venting, i try to help them too but im not rlly good at it, and so, whenever theyre missing or busy, i feel very alone, which is funny becuz im quite fortunate to have a semi active group on discord with cool ppl but instead of trying to get rid of my loneliness ig i jus self isolate idek whats wrong with me now, all the bad stressful stuff passed, for now,, mom was angry cuz my room got infested with termites, she got rid of them and i was left with the task of cleaning the stain,; and i jus discovered theres more termites to my side that went unnoticed by mom and that are eating the table and chair,; she doenst know of that yet thou so i can handle but i havent, the weekend approaches which is when well be doing all of this, i could try to take care of it before saturday before she notices and gets even more angry at me but here i am writing instead.

i feel very useless, my car is still at the repair shop so i can go out and buy the insecticide i need to get rid of the termitees, its at the repair shop cuz i let it break,, when it broke i called mom and she was at work so she asked me if i had any friends that could come and help me, all my friends are little ppl on my phone stuck to the other side of screen,; she had to call her friend which i was lucky that he was available and came to help me i felt very alone and useless and without any friends theres only so much online friends can do and i dont blame them, im also an online friend to them and i cant rlly do much for them either; that said, i rlly want irl friends.... but those "friends" i, stupid highschool drama ruined all my friendships its been 4 years and im still suffering the consequences of it; and also i rlly miss them, even if they were shitty and used me i still miss them;; maybe if i had acted like nothing id probably still be used sure but maybe i wouldve had someone to call when my car broke down

also im unemployed, with a gambling addiction of all things,, ive been thinking of getting a cheaper addiction- well, cheaper in the long run, something like smoking, not drinking, drinking is a bit expensive and my family from dad's side has a history of alcoholism,, so smoking or vaping, ruin my lungs,, im pretty sure a pack of cigarettes is cheaper than putting 100 into gacha games; why not look for a job? great question, i have, maybe not hard enough but im a bit too depressed if u cant tell by the writing; ive also tried to do online job but its rlly taxing to do a lot of work making vids and such to see no profit and ik ik it comes with time but i dont have time i need money now the funniest part is that i tried to apply for military jobs yknow the army and even those have rejected me, yes im overweight according to bmi, thats all they needed to disqualify me,; so instead i spend my time leeching money of mom, i feel very guilty, im a horrible child,, i sobbed when i was getting my meds and it ended up costing 30 bucks to buy becuz i sent it to a damn walgreens instead of a local pharmacy that accepts my insurance, i lost my meds and i could get refill but itll end up costing until i change the location which i cant change until my next visit

i wanted to kill myself when mom told me i could be working rn and that she was right, i could be working rn but instead i was laying on the bed which isnt even mine becuz i sleep on my sisters room taht has ac

the feeling had dissipated for a moment, well, it left when i repressed my feelings, which writing about it makes me confront those feelings so the suicidal ideation is back; in moments like this i think about one certain episode of fairly odd parents, yknow the one where timmy sees how the world would be if he never existed and sees that everyone around him is doing better without him? i dont remember the ending, i just think about it and think im better off dead, literally, i bring no good to the world

if u happen to stumble upon this, dw, i have a strangely strong will to live, last time i rlly tried to kill myself and acted, i called the hotline, which took me to the hospital where i was fortunate its a good hospital and got treated nicely,; bottom line is, and i quite hate this part of myself, ill live,; this stupid survival instict is strong enough to keep me from dying, i rlly hope it wasnt , life honestly isnt worth living,, the world is a shit place

[summerlycoris]

Actually, now im thinking about it, Tony and Mami have similar but distinct character flaws that ultimately lead to their doom in similar ways. It all comes down to trust, and lack of it.

Like for Tony? What sets him up to fail is being so willing to unravel the mystery of GGY, even when people warn him repeatedly- his parents, crystal- that he needs to be careful with either investigative journalism, and especially with sticking his nose into GGYs business. But he cant help himself- even after Crystals warning, he hands in that story based on GGY, and even goes to investigate further.

His big character flaw? Working by himself, and not working with his friends. Imagine, what would the three amigos had created together if Tony hadnt rushed off to make a story without them, if hed actually used his social skills to talk to his friends instead of a multitude of strangers, and convonce them to help him? It wouldnt have been the GGY story, thats for sure. It wouldve probably been more fictional, if Ellis and Greg had worked on it to begin with. And Greg probably wouldve suggested a better idea than researching some high scores on the arcades.

Just. Including his friends and trusting them to work with him wouldve saved his life by preventing him from ever getting on GGYs bad side.

And the thing that seals his fate? Is trusting Greg, and not putting 2+2 together to get "Omg, my new friend killed the therapists. And may kill me if I dont keep my mouth shut." If he does go to the pizzaplex with Greg afterwards... rip. Its over, rover.

For Mami? What sets her up to fail is making her wish and becoming a magical girl. Shes unlike any of the other magical girls in pmmm- she makes a wish selfishly, purely for her own benefit- begging Kyubey to save her life. Even if, she could have used that wish to save her whole family from the car accident. I cant blame her- she wouldve been scared to death, and just begging for anything that could help her at that point. And we know from later, that making wishes on behalf of others (like Homura, Sayaka, and Kyouko did) can also lead to tragedy.

But making that wish, regardless of how understandable it was, doomed her to be a magical girl. A fate theres only two ways out of. You die a magical girl, or you die a witch.

Her character flaw, of sorts, is similar to, but distinct, from Tonys. She works primarily by herself, like him. But she has wanted to work with other magical girls before, its just never really worked out. Shes made efforts in the past to work with others, and does a good job when with them. In timelines where madoka becomes a magical girl, they work together, alongside Sayaka, Homura and Kyouko sometimes. For the most part, she pulls off working by herself as well as she does working in a team. Shes self sufficiant, she can win her fights pretty easily using years of experience. Shes given chances to get out of her fate- Homura warns her against taking Madoka and Sakaya with her to battle Charlotte, warns her not to go. But she doesnt listen to Homura, instead ties her up out if the way. She doesnt trust Homura enough to let her help, because Homura keeps trying to kill Kyubey.

Working by herself in this timeline, having no family or friends to confide in, leaves her lonely. It leaves her susceptable to...

What ultimately kills her. Its trusting Madoka and Sayaka in the current timeline. Neither girls are magical girls at that point, but Mami learns to trust them in battle, despite that they cant actually help her in battle. She stops behaving in her self sufficiant manner, and thats what lets Charlotte get the drop on her. Mami got so used to working on her own, relying on herself, that the minute she thought she could get a reprieve from her loneliness, she dooms herself.

Theyre both just. You can track the trajectory of their tragedy, from the little mistakes they make. To the flaws that ultimately doom them. And in both cases, its trusting someone who cant be trusted. Madoka cant save Mami from Charlotte- she cant even save herself- shes not a magical girl! She and Sayaka just cling to one another as Kyubey begs then to pact with him and make a wish. Without Homura being set free after Mamis death- from the trap Mami put her in in the first place- both the girls wouldve also veeb eaten.

Tony, like Mami, made a very human mistake- trusting his new friend even if theres red flags that his 'new friend' isnt who he says he is.

I am definitely not making much sense. Its been forever since I watched PMMM and Ive DEFINITLY got stuff wrong because im tired and dumb rn but like. I needed to write this down before my brain imploded so uhhhh. Bye!

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i had a bad dream and it was a bad dream because it really wasnt that bad

it was about brian, he came back to me again and i. was mad but he owned up to his mistakes and he missed the attention i gave him and i missed giving it and i fucking went back to him and i felt butterflies and. i lingered too long, i wanted to stay

it makes me so SICK no matter how far i denounce him, it doesnt matter if i never think of him much, my brain cant let him go for some reason. why do you miss that? i was so miserable, i was being used. he ADMITTED that he didnt want me to be happy with anyone else and that he wouldnt try to make me happy at all so?

why do i still feel like i want him? its so hard to shake.. i do want him. i really dont, but i miss the attention, even if it was nothing at all. even if the closest thing i could get to any kind of affection was an "aw" when i was sad, i wouldve PUT UP WITH IT for him. i told him that, i told him i would deal with it if he could just.. sincerely apologize to me. for yknow. sexting a teenager!! but he didnt. he wouldnt. he said he couldnt apologize if he didnt mean it

my head still tries to make little fantasy scenarios with him, where everything turned out well and he could change and we could. what??? be happy together? yeah right. he didnt like you fat, didnt like you as a man and only entertained it longer cuz even if yr a man, you still have a cunt and thats what he wanted. annoying as fuck

i just wish i could let it go!!!!! why do i dream about him? and why are they good dreams? dreams that make me wake up with this sense of yearning, something i REALLY need to kill right away like. as fast as possible

im not going back to him i never ever will im . ive never been happier!!! when i left it felt like the end of the world and i was so depressed but ive NEVER FELT BETTER. i have people who actually love me now

and also??? he always pulled this shit talking about how i was a problem for him too, bitch?????? i was 16, you were talking to a 16 yr old with undiagnosed bpd of course im not gonna act RATIONALLY im fucking scared!!!! i was so scared!!! that first night when we met and like. 10 minutes after asking me how old i was it got sexual like IMMEDIATELY and it. felt nice but i was still scared. he doesnt even REMEMBER that conversation, but its burned into my brain. if you want a mature partner then maybe talk to an adult 🥳

i miss the attention, yes, but i dont miss how it made me feel. i dont miss the way it made my guts turn, made me shake. makes me shake just thinking about it. its the same reason i panic on fucking GRINDR, having people interested in me in that way is scary, it reminds me of him. i? i dont know.. its like whenever i get into sexual situations if its not approached gently i get SCARED, scared as if i was a kid again. it wasnt just him, after all. i wish i could just.. grow up? i wish that i didnt get so scared but i know its not my fault, i know that. whatever happened to me, i should have been PROTECTED. i shouldve been safe, but i wasnt

and it makes me so fucking angry? i never told anyone then because i knew that if i told my family, theyd blame me. and i LOVED him, i didnt want anything bad to happen to him, even if what he was doing was so horribly bad for me. i used to talk vaguely about him with my therapist and i started to frustrate her, thats why i dont go anymore. she would get frustrated because she didnt know what my problem is. I KNOW what my problem is, i just.. i was still talking to him, i was trying to approach it in a way that would protect him, even if he didnt deserve it

man. i hate being a tool for people, like genuinely. so tired of it.. yeah, tell me all about yr problems and ill be there to comfort you and listen. never ask about mine tho! never never never. you can ask me for nudes or pictures of my underwear, force me to roleplay with you even tho ive made it clear i dont really like it. ill do it to get you off! im so.

im glad i left. it was a good choice, he made me completely fucking miserable. very few times have i gone thru so much pain it literally forces me to dissociate from my body and view myself from above but! asking someone like that to apologize for uhh idk a crime? guess thats TOO FAR, tried sayin "erm well actually age of consent laws are higher in the us then a lot of countries ☝🤓" kill yourself!!!! like actually!!!!! im glad hes always miserable, i hope it never gets better for him ever

thats the worst part about it. is if it wasnt me, i would absolutely advocate for his death. because hes the kind of person i fucking despise, hes the absolute worst person to me. but i just.. i have a hard time extending that to him because he was awful to ME. he was mine and i used to love him!! i should hate him, and i do, i just wish it came as easy as hating any other predator

hated the way he acted when we argued tho, he tried gaslighting me before. you do not gaslight someone with bpd!!!!! cuz i fucking remember!! i read into everything anyone does extra of COURSE ill remember what happened. tried telling me i initiated it when i literally didnt cuz i knew better!!! i knew i shouldnt be talking to adults, but.. i did it anyways. that fucks me up a lot, it makes me blame myself. i knew i shouldnt, but the attention felt too nice, i didnt want to lose it and LOOK where it got me. permanently altered 🥳 nice job.

will NEVER let him blame me tho, cuz he started it. we separated like 4 times, and EACH TIME, he came back. am i that good? fuck if i know cuz it never felt like i was. probably missed getting his dick wet to our messages honestly. cuz when i was finally 18 he came back and immediately made it sexual again. im ashamed that i didnt stop him

i remember we argued because he thought i was irrational in thinking he would do bad things to me considering he literally told me before "so, consent doesnt matter between us, right?" ??????? im irrational for that?? do you even hear yrself? idk it just. pisses me off i hate him, i wish i could permanently kill the part of my brain that dreams of him fondly because it doesnt happen often but when it does it ruins my whole day

i just. i was too immature to be in a relationship with, but mature enough to be sexted every night? make it make sense!!!!! ik this is a lot, i just. need it off my chest so i can go back to normal. i wish it didnt affect me still but it does. i wish i could have fun!!!! wish i wasnt scared of getting sexual without randomly getting this intense sharp FEAR, fear that shoves me back and makes me run. i want to HEAL from this, i dont want to be like this anymore it fucking sucks. i feel like he ruined me. he'd roll his eyes at that

[lavendersunflwr]

my movie ratings ( my taste are questionable)

Suzume - live laugh love suzume 10/10

Waktu maghrib - shouldve learned my lesson from Qodrat im never watching Indonesian horror movies 3/10

Pengabdi setan 1 and 2 - i actually liked this , i watched it bfr waktu maghrib and qodrat. 8/10

Luckiest girl alive - 8/10

Re/member - an 9/10 girl the way it was perfect but there's a slight plot twist that makes zero sense

A good nurse - 10/10 based on a true story

A chalk line - going in expecting nothing but it gave everything 8/10 i would say its decent

The host - 7/10 Hunger - shes a ten. loved everything about it the acting, metaphor, cinematography and the plot love love love

The sadness – 8/10 if you like gory movie go watch it . I love zombie movies but this one is fucking disgusting cause they still can talk like normal humans. And the scene with the one eyed girl in a wheelchair ughhhhhhhh.

Hard candy –8/10 i feel like it could’ve been better if they actually prove what the guy did and there was this one scene where elliot page castrate the guy it was so disturbing. I love elliot page‘s acting i love the way she talks ughh i just love her. The ritual - 8/10 i usually hate horror movie thats based on a cult or ritual but this one was good and fast paced . Plus there was minimal jumpscare which what i really like in a horror movie. AND what i love about this is that the demon or wtv looks real and was fucking scary . like if i saw that while hiking i wouldve shat my pants and literally let it kill me and rather than being chased by it istg. Dungeon and Dragons - shockingly a 9. the humor and the characters i just love it. they didn't unnecessarily squeeze any romance or whatsoever. love the the cgi i think looks real enough for me. the red witch i think sofina was scary af ngl . would i watch it again on purpose probably not. kids and family friendly approved. even if this love disappears from the world tonight - 10/10 fuck i watched this without knowing what I'm getting myself into. it was so good that i wrote this while watching it. It was all happy and shit IN THE BEGINNING. love the change of POV mid movie. Not for the soft-hearted girls. Definitely will recommend this if you wanna watch a tearjerker. Honestly i relate to izumi so much that it physically hurts me to watch this. in another life they got married with twins and adopted 3 cats. Btw at first i didn't wanna watch this cause the fl and ml used to act together in a drama where the were BESTFRIEND like super platonic, their relationship was like siblings. so yk it feels like incest at first.

your name engraved herein - 7/10 watched it cause people said its sad and suprisingly it actually is the ending was cute tho but i feel like it couldve been shorter plus one - 10/10 manifesting a relationship like this please they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny together.

the hangover -10/10 this would be one of my comfort movie if i need a laugh or just to look at dilf bradley cooper

something borrowed - 7.5/10 I FEEL LIKE THE COUPLE IS CUTE but bcs the guy is engaged to her best friend so its wrong okayy tapi idk theres no way to justify it and wtv. but there was a small plot twist and now everyone is happy . plus ive been searching for 2000s romcom for a while now glad i stumbled into this. plus the FL is so cute.

inception - 10/10 watched it bcs of christopher nolan stayed because of Elliot page if i had known he was in it i would have watched it sooner. plus the cast ,top tier istg.

life - 9/10 watched it for ryan reynold and jake gylenhall. it feels weird watching ryan reynold in a serious movie even though he was still acting like himself. the ending thoooooo i was speechless

made of honor - 5/10 when the guy wears a skirt that shpuld have been a red flag not in a fashionable wayits just doesnt suit him. and honestly the male lead should have realized sooner that he likes hannah. btw i bet hes gonna cheat on her given his history.

bullet train - 1000/10 I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH THAT I WOULD RECCOMEND THIS EVERY MOVIE NIGHT AND SLAP PEOPLE WHO PLAYS WITH THEIR PHONE