#but hed have to go home eventually right...? i dont want to think abt that

[willyhoos]

simultaneously wanting to cry out "HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME HERE" and "NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN"

aka what happens if you combine prime!sonic (sweetest boy) and fof!tails (most traumatized boy)

bonus: HE DOESN'T KNOW

[urmomification]

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

[princesselise]

tell me abt ur jewish aa hcs please please please

TUMBLR ATE MY RESPONSE TO THIS LIKE A MONTH AGO SO. TAKE TWO I GUESS

ok focusing on aa4 characters here!!

starting w trucy. its... complicated. being raised in troup grammarye she was more just kinda. culturally xtian in the way a lot of nine year olds are. but then she gets adopted by phoenix and shit gets messy, because he is very much in a bad place and putting in the effort to help a literal child convert is definitely not his top priority, especially since shes old enough that they can't just change things without her noticing but she also isnt old enough to fully understand it.

i imagine by the time trucy is in middle school phoenix has been able to reestablish connections w miles, and he's involved in trucy'd upbringing to a certain extent.* i havent thought abt exact details but they do yk. talk to her abt it and phoenix does try to integrate a little more jewishness into their home life. and by the events of aa4 trucys like >:P jew tiem

*see also: auntie franzi coming over for rosh hashanah with the fucking motherlode of food like you are safe now my sweet child

now uh. ah ha. Apollo. given what we know of apollos upbringing (as of aa4. get that 3d shit out of here) id say same as trucy, he was brought up culturally xtian but without any real strong beliefs. hes more just like fuck it we ball life is constantly happening. but unlike trucy that continues into adulthood for apollo. ofc he knows of judaism like cmon guys hes seen fuckin sesame street. but he didnt rlly have any personal interaction or draw until ... 😏

as we said.

he gets involved with the absolute mess that is phoenix wright and his veritable armada of jewish lawyers and associates. and yk at first theres the sense of "ah shit i dont belong here" but he does eventually become more comfortable w it and does kind of build a sense of family there?

honestly phoenix mightve assumed hes jewish already bc like. i mean he came to shabbat dinner he has to know whats going on right (he doesnt)

but yeah um. after getting kinda settled in that community, he decides to seek out conversion. and like. i dont rlly think hed ask phoenix abt it, and its a little too complicated for him to expect trucy to know more abt so he moreso has to do it for himself. but he reaches out and he does start studying and everyones v supportive :>

also in my head i have the image of the interaction of apollo being like hey mr wright uhh can i leave early i have a meeting w my rabbi at 5 and phoenix is like your fucking what

ok who else. klavier fucking gavin come here bud. oh i have so many thoughts

unfortunately those thoughts do involve kristoph but whatever. ok so like. they were both born n raised jewish, but their family wasnt v observant and they also absorbed more culturally xtian stuff like yk they did the whole xmas shebang n shit. and kristoph takes it one step further n hes like :) we are going to assimilate so hard :) what the fuck is a synagogue never heard of it :)

and klavier follows, to a degree. its not like hes actively trying to push it out of his life but no one's working to push it in, either. so with no family or community to encourage those traditions, it kinda just falls out of his life as he gets older.

and then ✨ aa4 happens. ✨ or more accurately, apollo justice happens.

its not immediate, especially considering the progression of apollos own journey, but after the events of aa4 they are friends, yk? and as they get closer and apollo moves forward w his own conversion, ofc hes gonna tell klavier abt it. n then klaviers like hold up.

+ also as they get closer klavier does get dragged into Phoenix Wright's Circle of Nonsense and with that comes the judaism.

so hes like. hey fuck kristoph actually, this is important to the ppl in my life and part of my culture and i want to learn more and reconnect

in conclusion truct complicated apollo converting and klavier reconnecting. and im so tired tumblr please dont eat this again

[seongwhy]

first of all thanks for your tumblr

i have a request please !! ateez with their love interest making the first move. It could be so sweet or hot... idk can't wait to read

THANK YOU ♥

@panda-tchi thank you!!! I'm so sorry it took long, i made a post about my absence, but I didnt knwo if you meant you wanted ateez making the first move or their love interest... so Im gonna do both !!! they'll be in parts so heres the first part

ateez making the first move on their love interest

hongjoong

ok so in my head hongjoong is like,, rlly shy and cute and b aby!!!!

and so he wouldn't do anything unless he was absolutely sure abt it

he would be flustered walking you to your door and flustered when he grabbed your hand

but youd look at him and smile and hed know everything's going good

but with his cheeks red and his teeth showing hed move the hand that isnt holding yours to move your hair behind you ear

and hed step closer to yours

istg itd be like a cheesy ass drama

hed lean in to you and close his eyes rlly tight and his lips puckered and youd be like :')) what a cutie

but then youd lean into him and itd be a perfect harmony of sweetness and kisses

and hed pull away after kissing you with his face beet red and be like '...that was awesome' and youd laugh and hed go redder

I literally ugh I want this

hed say goodnight but wont let go of your hand :((( youd have to tell him

hed walk away giggling to himself and once he got home hed be so happy omg hed text you right away

'tonight was so fun.. see you again soon?'

seonghwa

seonghwa,,,, baby

yall would be driving home from the date

and hed be driving and hed slip his right hand on your thigh !!! like the slick God he is !!!!

and youd be like.... oh shit

and when you look at him hed be smirking but still looking at the road bc hes a ~responsible driver~

but in his head hed be like 'is this ok???? what am.i doing AA'

then when he reached your place hed stop you from getting out so he could open the door for you gentleman style

hed give you his hand to get out, and then bring it around his waist

o m gee hed wrap his arm around your waist too

then at your door he would even say anything hed just grab you face and kiss you

and youd be ●-● for three seconds before smiling and leaning into it

and you can feel him smile too

then when you guys pull away bc of lack of breath he kisses your nose and your cheek and your hand

and tells you it was a pleasure and you'll see him tomorrow at lunch or smth

and he pecks you again and gives you the cutest smile and walks away giving you a few more looks as he goes

but

you yell at him to stop

and you invite him inside

what is he gonna do ?? say no ?

yunho

ok so I see you and yunho being rlly good friends

and you're at his place/the dorm and you're making ramen together

and all the boys are playing video games or in their rooms or smth so it's just you two in the kitchen cooking it up yknow what I mean

and you're laughing at sum dumb thing he said

and then he just looks at you

and watches you with your pretty smile and your pretty face and your pretty hair and you look so pretty

and he just cant help but move closer to you

and then you stop laughing and look at him like ???

and he just grabs your waist and pulls you in

then he takes a deep breathe and does what hes been wanting to do for a while now

and kisses you

he kisses you like his life depended on it this guy cant hold back

you're so into it you both cant hear or think or breathe anything but each other

but then you hear a 'yah!!!!' and you step away from yunho to see an angry but cheeky seonghwa looking at you two and the overflowing boiling water on the stove

and you and yunho jump and go read and move to clean and both mumble an 'I'm sorry' to seonghwa

he walks away chuckling

and you two look at each other wide eyes and red faces and laugh

ah,,, such kids man

yeosang

you and yeosang are going on a lil brunch picnic date

so u had to wake up early (a lil too early for you but dont tell him dat) to make sure your morning hair was tamed and your eyebags were covered

though yeosang wouldnt have cared what you looked like tbh

but when you answered your doorbell in the prettiest outfit hes ever seen, be wasnt complaining

he maybe took too long staring at you bc you had to clear your throat to get him to stop

he looked up at you, trying his best not to look flustered and he clears his throat too, sticking his hand out for you to hold on to

you smile at him and take his hand and step down your front steps

as hes waiting for you to step down the last one, he grabs onto your other hand and pulls (take a shot everytime i use that word in this post) you into him

he kisses you lightly

then whispers 'you look really pretty'

winks at you

and starts walking

you're standing at the end of your steps and gape at him

he looks back at you

'aren't you coming?'

san

ok dis precious lil baby boi

hes nervous and hes masking it w confidence and jokes

but you can read right through them

but you're not gonna tell him that

hes walking you to the park where you'll sit and play with the doggos that walk by and he has some sandwiches in his bag (your favourite)

and you're talking and he asks you you're favourite color to which you answer and he stops

and you stop, confused

so you grab his arm and ask 'are u ok?'

and he looks at you and grabs your shoulders and says 'that's my favourite too'

and you're like ,,, ok cool wow let's keep going i wanna see he dogs

but he just looks at you and says nothing

and so u turn and walk with your arm in your hand to pull him along

but he just grabs it and pulls you into him

and kisses you !!!!! and you kiss back !!!

and then you part from him

and say 'all because you like purple too?'

and he laughs and smiles and hooks his arm into yours and starts walking again with a lil more pep in his step (if that's even possible)

mingi

mango!!! my babie

mingi takes u on a lil arcade date

he tries his best to let you win every game you play

until it gets to one of those racecar games where he just loses himself in and therefore cannot lose to anyone

and when he wins he cheers and claps

until he looks over and sees you pouting that you not only lost to him, but got last place as well

he immediately stops cheering and pouts too

he starts making hand hearts and he grabs your hands and plays with them claps them together and boops your nose

he does everything until he sees you smile

and once you smile he does too

and he kisses your forehead and then your cheek and then he leans towards your lips, still smiling

and he kisses you

it's short but cute !! and lovely and keeps you wanting more

but he opens the curtain of the game thing and walks over to your side and grabs your hand

'c'mon, you can beat me in the next one'

wooyoung

wooyoungie !!! takes you to an amusement park!!!!

yall have gone on all the rides, have tried every fair food you could and now the sun is starting to set (I think yall know where this is going)

theres only one thing you two havent done yet

and that's the ferris wheel !!!!

you two are sitting up there and you're gaping at the view in front of you

but though you thought the view was pretty ... he thought you were prettier sorry

and hes staring at you wishing youd just turn to face him so he kiss your pretty mouth

and then you do

so then he does

and you gasp!!! but melt into him

you put your hands in his hair

and he puts his on your face

and yall are kissing until you have to get off or pay for another ride

and he pays for another ride

but then you eventually get off and you eventually get home

and once hes home he doesnt hesitate to text you

and then hes hyungsik in that scene from strong girl bong-soon

and yeosangs telling him to stfu and go to bed

jongho

plz this lil man can barely keep it together when he sees you

and he finally gets you alone?? what does he do with himself

apparently nothing. bc hes just sitting there

his hyungs know he likes you and you being wooyoungs bestie, you're chilling in the dorm

and the hyungs leave bc '... I have to .. nap' 'right!! and i have to ... go to the store !! we have no more ramen and you know the kids,, they need their ramen' and 'oh gosh, would you look at the time!! I've gotta take a shower!!'

and one by one it's just the two of you on the couch

and he freezes

I mean, you're just slouched down on your phone

but you look so... so pretty

and lovely

and like he could just kiss you

and now hes staring.

and now you've realized

and hes blushing and his throat is dry

'I.. uh . sorry do u want some water? I'm gonna go get some water'

without waiting for an answer he kinda just walks away mumbling 'so dumb. so dumb! damn u hyungs'

when he gets to the kitchen he pours himself some water and take a sip

be turns around and you're there !! oh no

jongho decides he doesnt give a f u ck. yolo. hes no pussy boi

and he just steps in and he pulls u in

and he kisses you

and he thanks God you kiss back

and now hes blushing. again

you kiss his neck to tease him and he turns redder

you back up and laugh

'I was wondering when you were gonna do that'

hes so happy he almost cries

thanks wooyoung!!!!

[plushievash]

how did leo/alexei happen? give us lore!

so for a long while they both had crushes on each other but alexei is stupid and leo suffered from internalized homophobia believing hes not meant for relationships no matter how much he wanted one with someone he would never pursue it bc he thought he would be a burden/nobody sees him that way/he is repulsive;; alexei just admired leo too much and thought leo was out of his league and that hed never love someone like him and also bc hes alexei and is just like * has severe paranoia and also no social skills *

dasha saw the Signs™ tho bc hes like love is in the air….and i will find out where its coming from and then. he suffered watching these 2 dumbasses for 2 almost 3 years dance around each other and their feelings while nobody else believed him that hey…..looks like somethins goin on between alexei and leo…u ever notice how leo takes any chance to touch him? u ever notice the way alexei immediately becomes more interactive when leo comes along? yes i know leo is clingy yes i know alexei is improving socially just like. Look its Right in Front of You.

but anyways went like that for the longest time where both of them kind of planned to make their feelings known but could never work up the courage to follow through with it. and alexei got with lucien to try to forget abt leo bc he “knew” he ‘had no chance’ and leo just [roblox OOF] and as usual * focuses on work at a dangerous level and does stupid stuff *

which ends up with a mix up and confusion where leo is missing and puts everyone in a panic and miko catches a guy named nikostratos and ooh ooough oh hes so mad hes so ohguh hes so angry that hes mad. and without thinking and following standard procedure does some things and is 8D to find out uh oh! just gave my brother the familys awful itchy scratchy disease! fuck! time to go kms i guess!

and masha is big mad at everyone so shes just like leo and miko are banned from work and if they even attempt it they wont bc theyd cross me and nobody crosses me. and then alexei is put on watch to make sure leo doesnt try to sneak away and work on his own anyways and to nobodys surprise, he does try. instead of sending one of his people alexei personally confronts him and persuades him to go back home. to which leo asks alexei to stay with him and he does…slowly leo starts to ease up again as alexei stays with him and basically lives with him/stella/the twins for a short while as hes stationed to by masha

eventually after a while of watching both miko and leo masha is satisfied enough with their recoveries and allows them back to their jobs calling alexei off since they no longer need to be supervised. but alexei again * is extremely paranoid and well meaning but also awful * so he keeps his people watching leo from a distance just to be sure hes safe; as he does with maxim and miko (the only difference is that maxim and miko Know he does that and asked him to do that; leo didnt.) oh yeah somewhere sprinkled in around that time alexei split with lucien cause he just. wasnt happy it wasnt working. i dont remember where exactly in all this mess it happened LMAO u might wanna ask my boyed friend abt that since alexei is his

so anyways after a while of being back to work leo notices hes still being followed and slowly gets paranoid and irritable. he ends up doing rash things that could end up getting him killed just to get the attention of the people following him to see if hes “just being paranoid” or if hes really being followed still despite masha allowing him to return to work. eventually after the 3rd time instead of sending someone to intervene alexei himself shows up and leo is Angry and hurt tells alexei to call off his people cause if he ever sees them again he wont hesitate to kill them and so alexei does cause he does care abt his people he doesnt try to defend himself or anything it finally hits him that he just “oh hmm. ok yeah that was kinda fucked up. uh oh i fucked up. this is bad”

and leos whole attitude began to shift instead of his usual generally polite and very easy attitude ready to make friends with anyone he became guarded irritable and quiet and he lost the soft tone in his voice. eventually even with his favourite most important people around him (stella/felix/miko) hes just too paranoid sick to his stomach and angry to stay where he is. so he says hes going to take a vacation and instead moves down to work at the other facilities as a lower agent domenico carlevaro; he doesnt alter his appearance too much aside from dyeing his hair and changing his general fashion style. the only person he allows to come down and see him is mikolaj but he says if felix or stella ever asked him he is allowed to tell them they can see him but no one else. not maxim or dasha or alcides not the twins. he cant stand to see anyone else. miko regularly visits him but has to ask each time since leo doesnt stay in 1 place for too long. eventually leos anger just makes him even more reckless causing him to break his prosthetic; so he has to return to apologize to dasha and ask for a new one.

there he finds out alexei has disappeared and immediately he just feels a twist in his stomach bc he wanted to be angry and pretend that hes over it and he doesnt care about him anymore but he still does so after he gets his new arm despite maxims protests he insists that he will assist maxim in the search. miko reports that alexei was last seen injured being carried away by a woman from some abandoned facility and so everyone is like ok fuck! who is that! is he already dead! or what the fuck! goddamn it! eventually maxim and leo manage to find where alexei is hiding running into one of his people; daria who is a tracker and not really experienced in protection. she… doesnt know how to properly use a gun. shenanigans happen bc daria is sweet and maxim and leo are not mean then leo sees alexei and boy ! he is  FUCKED UP. alexei looks like hes str8 up dying (cause he is!) hes extremely weak and has to use a cane to walk hes got bloody bandages all over and his arm in a sling and later leo and maxim see that arm has a huge ass bite taken out of it and maxim is just 8D…im a good doctor but im not That good a doctor what the fuck is this. and calls marina down to see if they know what this is

marina does and identifies it as a kaprinka bite (ask my boyed friend what a kaprinka is) and that all cases theyve been in charge of nobody has survived but theyll do what they can to try to fix it. maxim and leo decide to take shifts to always be in the room with alexei in case anything goes wrong like his condition suddenly gets even worse and they need to call marina or an attempt on his life happens. so the first night while leo is in charge of watching alexei they start to talk and leo isnt angry anymore and instead is just…Really really sad and admits how hes felt and how he knows that he doesnt have to; he shouldnt; and he Doesnt forgive him for what he did but hes willing to push that aside to at least go back to the way they were. and alexei admits how hes felt and apologizes for everything and how he “probably got himself killed” and theyre both just mmmm feels bad toddbut after that it gives alexei the push to keep on living and alexei does Stupid Stuff which is really stupid but! it helps and he manages to bring back the kaprinka for marina to see what they can do to help him since they said that theyve only ever seen kaprinka that were already dead and not usable for testing it takes months and some big rollercoaster ups and downs w/ alexeis progress but he makes it and recovers but continues to stay in hiding til he gains his full strength back and during that time someone is sent to kill him and leo and maxim stop the guy and then stuff happens and alexei is big mad and blah blah and stuff and then after thats taken care of and his recovery is full they all return and leo helps alexei/artyom/daria in their search for what originally caused the whole situation alexei got in

and so basically from the day they found him theyve been dating Finally but never like fully established it but its very clear now so everyone knows and dasha is rubbing it in everyones faces and miko and felix are dying and they just Cant understand.

also a quick note: theres 2 darias…i have a daria who is just a cute crafts girl with rainbow hair but thats not the daria in this situation…the daria in that situation is my boyfriends oc who is a motorcycle racer and tracker for alexei but they are both equally cute and good

[notwerewolfprez]

Im on mobile and I need to vent and I have no idea how to make an under the cut post so like if you know me irl do not fucking ask me about this post (or better yet dont read it), if you see me posting this... no you didnt.

CW for me talking abt being really mentally ill.

I like dont know how to describe what I'm feeling right now other than coughing after inhaling a lung full of ice cold water... like??? You almost drowned but now your on land spluttering and gasping and going "what the fuck. What the fuck." Theres a violent split in me between the small regressed PTSD voice in my head that is essentially making grabby hands, its this very small quiet voice that is absolutely desperate for comfort and to be vulnerable and to let someone take care of them that wants to be held and sheltered and cherished and then my disgusting hard outer shell that is much louder going "shut the fuck up. Your fine. You have always taken care of yourself and your power through this too because you literally are a survivor." And I'm just really struggling with keeping a filter/floodgate on things, like I'm trying to process what happened to me slowly and piece by piece so I dont become overwhelmed but I literally want to check back into the psych ward because I am one intrusive though away from like... physically banging my head against a wall to make it stop. I was doing okay and keeping myself distracted and only making mildly impulsive dumb decisions but I saw a stupid video tonight that I didnt think was going to set me off and I just. Broke down sobbing, but even then I was sitting next to Ryan and he was watching me and I could tell that he was ready to put himself in an uncomfortable position to try to fix what was going on/take care of me and I just... clenched my teeth and sucked in some deep breaths and forced myself to calm down and without saying anything booted up my PS4 so I could focus on something else. And then after I left his house I had this really aggressive thought about how the fact that I want/get off to someone beating the shit out of me in bed is directly correlated to the things I've gone through and how I think I'm a bad person, and I've like always known that my kinks are bad coping mechanisms but it's just like uahshahcfyufehssm shut up brain. Please. For fucks sake can I get one quiet day. I'm glad I'm on quarantine bc I am c o v e r e d in s*lf h*rm scars because I keep having panic attacks and the pain would make it stop. I have medication now for when I panic so i havent done it recently but they're deep and angry and taking a long time to heal and I cant be alone for longer than going home and going to bed bc if I'm alone I freak out. I feel so bad for Ryan but hes said multiple times and reassured me hed rather have me over every day and know I'm safe but it's just like. I shouldnt make someone else feel burdened like that. Bsjjsksjdhshshaushsv I just wanna feel healthy. Therapy is just drudging up a lot of shit and theres a lot of huge blank spaces in my memory and I'm scared to know what they are and after sessions I feel really really fucking raw. I know itll feel better eventually but I am just so nauseated thinking about it right now. I'm this close to picking up smoking again.

[hundredsunny]

op oc #3: APRIL

im baaaaaaack

u are about to read about my prime DAUGHTER april. the rogue princess. a real pokemon! hahahhahaha she nabbed herself the AURA AURA FRUIT yo this is wild so get ready to learn about ol’ blue eyes!!!!!!!!!!

NAME: april (i dont have a surname for her i cant think of anything and ive had her for 8 years im sorry) EPITHET: “aura shooter” ooOOoOOoOoo AGE: 18 (pre) 20 (post) BIRTHDAY: april (incredible would u have ever guessed) 5th!!!  BIRTHPLACE: nimbasa island in the south blue SEX: female HEIGHT: 5′6″ WEIGHT: 122lbs HAIR COLOR: sandy brown EYE COLOR: blue APPEARANCE: before she escaped her home, she wore an icy blue dress underneath a navy blue cloak and her hair down with a CROWN of course but she hated wearing it a lot. her hair when worn down reaches the middle of her biceps. after she escaped she ONLY wore her hair in a ponytail and she always wore a red bandanna with a white arch atop her head at all times!! it was a gift from her mamma the QUEEN herself. she also wore a white t-shirt with red triangles bordering the collar and the ends of her sleeves. does that make sense? i sure hope. she wore a red sash around her waist and then she popped on some black pants and boots. real piratey. also some of her hair kinda pops out in the front so theres a good chunk that sometimes covers her left side. look at u go princess. AFTER the timeskip she cut her hair so it reaches just above her shoulders, and instead of wearing her hair up and with the bandanna, she wears it down but with a black headband. her bandanna is tied around her left bicep (fashion inspo: zoro). she wears a green sleeveless crop top, and theres a scar that reaches from the back of her shoulder to the end of her collarbone. she earned that shit from her wild timeskip training. oof. shes ok. she wears light-washed pants and some addidas-lookin shoes lmao she also wears a rly loose belt too. also she has gold earrings and thas about it. her eyes are round and just v pretty and blue. her nose turns up at the end just a tad bit and it’s so cute she’s so cute. she has a dimple on the right side of her mouth. her mommas face :’) shes fairly skinny but after the timeskip she gained some muscles made 4 punching douchecanoes  REPRESENTATIVE SMELL: vanilla FAVE FOOD: pasta FAVE DRINK: lemonade  FAVE SEASON: fall REPRESENTATIVE NATIONALITY: australian BOUNTY: initial bounty was 60,000,000 (for being runaway royalty) but after dressrosa she SKRTED up to 155,000,000 DEVIL FRUIT: aura aura fruit a paramecia type. the fruit allows the user to manipulate their energy. with the aura aura fruit, users are able to detect the aura of others, repel the aura of others, and project their own. the power of aura is mood-sensitive and can change a lot. can u believe april is lucario 6 forms of aura: red is physical nature, orange is intelligence, yellow is sheer willpower, green is healing, blue is emotion, vioilet(i THINK) is mental communication. i forgot what i wrote down for the aura types lmaoooo the biggest drawback of this fruit is that the user can only use a limited amount at one time. another drawback is that they cant manipulate other people’s aura??? it’s rly hard to explain this but trust me it makes sense when it’s put into action i promise SKILLS SET: most of her attacks are used with red aura since it relates to physical nature. wild. “aura bullet” is just shootin aura goodbye. i love pokemon. lmao. uh “aura detect” is when she can see what someone else’s aura looks like, so basically she can determine if someone is a bastard or not before they even open their mouth. “aura clone” clones herself with aura and that takes a LOT of effort to pull this one off especially when she wants to use multiple clones. “aura bomb” yo this one is wild she uses it for diversions and escaping since it kinda acts as a smoke bomb but when she uses this thing in battle OOOOH BOY. “starstorm” ok this is like the “im going to die after i do this move” kinda thing. it combines all the damn types of aura and it just RAINS down on ppl. goodbye april. anyways there are more basic moves but i dont rly wanna get too into that rn im sorry PROFESSION: runaway princess lol CREW: straw hat pirates  PERSONALITY: an easygoing girl. v mellow for the most part but there are times where she can get pretty goofy (thanks jack). if the wrong buttons are pushed, she becomes a HURRICANE. she does have confidence issues but since she met luffy, she’s really started to overcome them. shes got a horrible habit of being sarcastic and also she asks a LOT of questions holy SHIT honey. she is TERRIFIED of heights so when franky lays down a good ol coup de burst, her soul leaves her body. g o o d b y e. she was very cold when she first met luffy and the gang bc she lived with the person who killed her mom AND jack left sooooo she was a little bitter. eventually she learned to rly live with the mugiwaras. when she first joined the crew, she was very shy and timid and tried hard to fit in. she was SO intimidated by zoro like he genuinely scared the fuck out of her so she always tried hard to not be a Fool around him but once she got comfortable with everyone she just had a good ol time. “hey grassy ass!! :))” “can u fucking not call me that”. she has the CUTEST laugh oh me oh my. honestly just a rly passionate gal, she just wants to be strong and be able to protect her pals. refuses outside help. bros out with luffy and usopp and chopper sometimes but also judges them from afar like nami does. it all just depends on the day. truly. i once wrote a series of one-shots where each one was an adventure that april had with one other straw hat. luffy was the first one, and THAT was wild. zoro’s was fucking baller. so on and so forth. rly shows off her dynamic with each member. april? shes honestly just a good person and im proud of her bc she works so hard  LIKES: training, traveling, every single animal ever, reading DISLIKES: heights, the marines, the heat, people who walk horrifically slow in crowded places WEAPON(S): aside from her devil fruit shes got a dagger she sometimes uses. jack gave one to her right before he left HISTORY: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO king jed and queen serena had a baby girl. APRIL. that made her the princess. anyways she grew up as any princess would--spoiled. however the spoiling never got to her head bc serena was so good about teaching her things like that. serena was a goddess i love her pls come back. serena was wildly popular with the citizens of the kingdom bc of her caring and friendly personality. she would always take april into the kingdom every day and pay visits to the citizens. out of all the citizens they paid visits to, the most common faces she saw were those of the solo family. cain was jed’s most talented and trusted knight. he and his wife celeste had 2 kids: jack and sho YO. jack was 7 yrs older than sho and 3 yrs older than april. april and jack became fast friends and often explored the kingdom together. regular kid stuff u know. jack’s mom was always like “jack NO u CANNOT take the PRINCESS to the farms thats FILTY” hahahah but they went anyway.  jed? a dark man. idk who hurt him or what made him so murderous. but. he was tired of serena treating the citizens like equals. he believed that royalty should be viewed as gods.  when april was 8 jed killed serena oh god there it is theres the tragic anime mom death. as soon as serena died, the dynamic of the kingdom instantly changed. soon after jed took total control, people began leaving the island. eventually, the island became so empty that only a handful of families remained. jed did not allow april to leave the castle at all, and with that rule, it damaged the friendship that she and jack had. ofc around that time jack’s dad ran off as well so he stopped tryin to visit her for a bit. but then once he got back into his groove hed sneak all about, avoiding the night patrols, and hed just sit outside of april’s window and talk to her.  when april was 11 she discovered a devil fruit hidden away in the trashed artifacts that belonged to her mother. she ate the devil fruit and was like “now im strong, fight me JED” but lol she got her ass whooped poor bby when april was 16 jack left the island, leaving her completely and utterly alone. the exposure to such loneliness began to change april into a more reserved, bitter person.  2 yrs later the STRAW HATS stumbled upon the island. at that time april had started a habit of sneaking out of the castle to roam the empty streets of nimbasa, but during one of her strolls, she encountered robin, franky, and brook. she ended up knocking them unconscious bc she felt threatened. the second group she met consisted of zoro, chopper, and sanji. they had been captured by guards and were brought into the throne room to be interrogated by jed. april was required to be there as well so she kinda sat in her throne and looked mad the entire time. sanji was like “NO WHY DOES SHE LOOK SO MAD SHE NEEDS TO BE HAPPY” and zoro was like “ive never seen someone so happy to see my face” and chopper was just having a crisis bc they were abt to be tossed into the shadow realm at the hands of the king. zoro got mouthy and jed didnt have none of that shit so he told april to kill zoro but she just knocked him out instead. that pissed jed off. THE NEXT person she met was luffy. she only met luffy bc he infiltrated a banquet thing by sitting underneath a cart. classic luffy. she didnt meet nami and usopp until WAAAAY later. yadda yadda yadda shit goes down (i wrote a whole arc for this. it’s called the princess and the pirates lmao original but yes i wrote an entire arc for her recruitment and it’s A Lot) ANYWAYS luffy asked her to join the crew but she declined at first bc she thought pirates were just like her father: power-hungry and murderous. however that obv changed when she was exposed to the straw hats more when luffy defeated jed who ate the ___ ___ fruit (tbh i forgot what fruit he ate im sorry) she KNEW she belonged with the straw hats. :’) she still be sailin with the legends. shes had some wild times obv. her arc comes a bit after thriller bark. woopie!!!!!!! like always, lemme know if u wanna know more about her!!!

[wannasoftimagine]

lee daehwi as your soulmate

imagine having daehwi as ur soulmate where u have the date u meet written on ur wrist

(as requested!)

ur soulmate clue isnt really visible for awhile just bc ure like. a tiny kid for the first majority of ur life lol

for awhile u just have a smudge of ink on ur wrist so,,, u dont rlly have a choice but to let it be

ANYWAYS

once u start to get older, the markings on ur wrist start to become more and more clear

ure not super sure if theyre letters or numbers or smthn else, bc it doesnt show up on ur skin quite right yet

eventually, ure able to decipher it as a set of numbers and ure like. okay cool BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN

u talk it over w some of ur family and friends, and everyone seems to have their own idea abt what it means

but the more ppl u talk to, the more they start to agree tht it seems like a date - for several years in the future

at tht point u realize that its probably the day tht ull finally meet ur soulmate, so theres not rlly much u can do abt it until then

ure a little tempted to try and search for someone with a similar clue, but there are just SO MANY to sort thru tht u decide its not rlly worth it

u try and focus on urself - struggling thru school, spending time w family/friends, typical stuff that most ppl ignore bc theyre too busy searching for their soulmate

honestly its kinda nice knowing when ull meet ur soulmate, since u can relax until then

time passes bc u kno. tht tends to happen in life

SO

it starts to get closer and closer to the date when u meet and NOW the nerves are coming

bc ure like ?? what are they like? what if i dont like them? what if they dont like //me//? where are we gonna meet? what time? do they have the same clue? what if i dont recognize them????

honestly ure a mess of worries by the time the day comes

trying to sleep the night before is almost impossible since ure such a bundle of doubts as u toss and turn in ur bed

come morning, u do ur best to dress as nice as u can

but honestly ure starting to doubt ur sense of fashion and style at this point

eventually u have to calm urself down bc theres no point in stressing out too much, or else ure just going to freak out and have an awful day, soulmate or not

then ure like waaaait a second,,

n u realize tht u dont know when exactly or where ure going to meet ur soulmate

which makes things much harder tbh

u settle on staying on a park bench, watching ppl pass and letting ur wrist casually rest beside u so its out in the open

ure hoping tht someones just going to walk by and be like oH HELLO SOULMATE

as time goes on u realize tht ure not that lucky

actually ure prob rlly unlucky bc bugs seem like theyre attacking u and u take tht as ur cue to leave

ure wandering around a little bit when u stumble across this cute little hole-in-the-wall cafe, so u decide to go in and rest ur feet there

(also maybe meet ur soulmate bc tht would be super Aesthetic u feel)

anyways

u wait around with a cup of coffee and a bagel, hoping that ull see someone walk in with a mark similar to urs

u realize pretty quickly tht it wont happen bc 1) so many ppl keep coming in and out, and 2) no one walks around showing off their wrist tbh

tht leaves u growing more frustrated and worried in ur spot

part of u wants to just approach random strangers and ask “listen im meeting my soulmate today CAN I SEE UR WRIST”

but the realistic part of u is like “what the heck no dont do tht”

u settle on agreeing with the latter

at some point, as ure boring holes into the dozens of strangers frequenting the cafe, u start to nod off

u dont even notice until one of the workers is shaking u awake with a polite smile and telling u tht the store is closing, so ure going to have to please leave

thts when ure like “wow,,, i was rlly tired bc it is LATE outside” but also “WAIT WHAT IF MY SOULMATE CAME HERE WHEN I WAS ASLEEP”

even as u frantically look around, u dont see any cutely written messages from ur presumed soulmate or anything like tht

all u can think is tht maybe ur soulmate clue doesnt mean what u thought it did

after all, its around evening already, and u still havent seen a sign of them

u end up wandering around outside again, too worried abt the possibility of never meeting ur soulmate to be freaked out over the whole “tiny kid walks around alone in the dark!!!!” thing

anywho

u keep checking ur phone (and feeling rlly grateful tht u havent run out of battery yet) and time just keeps to slip thru ur fingers

u end up going to a small restaurant for dinner, but its a place tht uve visited before and u dont see anyone new that could be ur soulmate

afterwards u decide to head on home with a heavy heart

u keep thinking “mb its not the date when we meet??”

but honestly ure not sure what else it could be

like is it the date ur soulmate is born?? but thtd be a kinda creepy age difference,,

and,,,, okay yeah u cant rlly think of anything else

u may or may not get lost a couple of times bc ure so absorbed in ur own thoughts

it doesnt help tht ure not exactly the best with directions

by the time u think ure nearing ur home, ur phone flashes at u with the time 11.51pm and ure like “???!!!!!!!!!!!”

u dont even know what to think at tht point

but then u get hit with the realization tht ure not meeting ur soulmate today and u might never meet them at all, and ure crushed with this aching sense of nothingness

ure just about ready to curl into a ball and just lie on the street for the rest of ur life when u hear someone yell “URE WALKING IN CIRCLES”

and u snap ur head up to try and see who said tht, and u see someone sticking his head out of his window and gesturing wildly

“wHAT” u manage to yell back, bc itd be embarrassing if this guy was trying to help u navigate around and u ended up sobbing back in response

“URE GOING IN CIRCLES UVE PASSED MY WINDOW LIKE 10 TIMES”

and thats.. just as embarrassing tbh

“ARE U LOST??? WHERE DO U LIVE”

all good intentions aside, u frown at his figure to tell him “IM NOT TELLING U WHERE I LIVE”, a pause, and then u add on “U CREEP” bc ure a strong independent individual who doesnt need any freaky dude in ur life

“AT LEAST USE UR PHONE OR SMTHN!!!! URE NEVER GOING TO GET HOME AT THIS POINT”

u feel a little dumb at that bc,,, honestly uve been so wrapped up in ur head tht u kinda forgot u could just use ur phone for directions back home

still just as u pull it out, it flashes a “dead battery” symbol and just. dies on u

“ITS DEAD” u tell the guy, altho ure not rlly sure why ure telling him this bc what if he really is a creep and now he knows u cant call for help ??????????

“IM COMING DOWN”

okay, thats definitely not helping ur i-think-hes-a-serial-killer idea

when he finally closes the window and makes his way down and outside to u, uve prepared urself with a rock

just,, in case,,,,,

(its not even a really good rock but u gotta do what u gotta do)

“i didnt want to keep yelling” the guy says, and he looks much sweeter in person (and when hes not screaming directions at u)

he sticks out his hand and ure like ?? but u take it anyways

“im lee daehwi!! do u want to borrow my phone?” he holds it out to u and even tho ure really tempted to take it, ure still a little skeptical

“if i put my address in there, then ull know where i live and u can track me afterwards”

he seems to find tht both very amusing and very insulting, since his face contorts into a half-laugh half-grimace

its a funny sight in of itself, so u cant help but smile at his expression

u end up bickering a little bit, and by the time he shoves his phone into ur face, u glance at the time and its past midnight and oh

today isnt the day u meet ur soulmate, then

ur face falls and he immediately yanks his hand back, obviously concerned

“are u okay?? whats wrong????”

and even tho hes still basically a stranger u cant help but show ur wrist to him and manage to explain tht u thought u were going to meet ur soulmate today, but its too late bc u still havent met them

but daehwi is giggling and ure like “dONT BE A JERK” but hes already pushing his own wrist into ur face

instead of the date, his reads “11.51 PM” in the same small dark font, and its like oh. OHHHHH

he pushes at ur shoulder, teasing u tht ur clue was more obvious bc “i had to wait around every day to see if i met someone new!!! i just want to sleep but i had no idea when id meet u”

and even as hes pouting u can barely process how relieved u are so u. accidentally zone out juuuust a little bit

he notices of course, and manages to get ur attention by saying “im glad its u tho bc ure super cute”

u stare at him, suddenly super focused on him, and he laughs

“i was just trying to get ur attention, but i do think ure rlly cute”

ure both still a bit in shock, but u manage to carry on conversations well enough bc now tht u know ure each others soulmates, ure desperate to talk to each other forever

he ends up insisting on cutting ur convo short and walking u home bc its so late, but he gives u his number and a quick, embarrassed peck on the cheek with a promise to talk to u soon

its even harder to fall asleep that night, ur head filled the memory of daehwi grinning at u like ure the best thing hed ever seen

others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | woojin | more coming soon!

[yumenosakiacademy]

metr0c0n 2k18 thursday

hewwo!! first day over aa.. this is 4 future me, but i suppose u can read it~? cosplayed: tsumiki (sd/r2)

started off the day rly eqsy bc apparently the lunch rush traffic was held back by a crash? i left after eating some cereal n packing n stucc n dad n i listened to The Eagles on the way there n i got all Registered then walked around for a lil while until my DD/lC panel. i saw a shiki (s1dem) tho n went “!!? bc i didnt think id see any s1dem cosplays here this weekend but!! oh i also saw my old friend Lynds (still cosplaying casual rapunzel like last year) n we talked abt how we became more depressed over junior year n how, when she went to d!sney trvia, she should just start singing tangled songs bc thatd b “a power move” n “have big dick energy” lol 

so anyway i went to the panel n it was just all of us writing poetry in near silence then sharing em n some ppl had serious poems or short dumb ones or funny ones n the joker/akira next 2 me wrote a rly good poem abt akira!! i wrote one abt a beast pouncing on someone in the woods n devouring em, w each line as 6 syllables! then shared one of my old poems abt my negative thoughts regarding my weight then the panel ended soon enough! 

then i got 2 walk around for 2 hrs.... i rly just kind of circled the dealer’s room n sometimes the con floor n i visited the idol table but only rly found one shinou keychain i wanted so.. oh1 a tsumiki i emt turned out 2 b the mei i befriended like 2 years ago at the con tho! n i was like “aaa it’s nice 2 see u again!” n they had the junkrat too (the junkrat wasnt junkrat tho, i just mean it was the same guy as the junkrat i befriended back then w the mei) HOWEVER at an itabag booth, i thought the person running it w pink hair looked like tori n i was like “oh my god r u cosplaying tori?” n they went “yea! n this is my Eichi!” n pointed 2 their fellow booth runner n i was so excited n asked 4 their pic n the eichi had 2 put on their jacket (they were the dance gcha versions) n i was like “oh my gosh dude i luv ES i was actually gonna go as tsukasa today we coulda been the rich kid trio omg” n i showed them my ES buttons/straps then left n a while after, i met a komaeda n took their pic n we talked abt despair n DR n joked around n hs was brought up n he apparently has a jake engl!sh cosplay at home n we were just joking around for a while abt DR n hs n h!veswap n stuff until i parted ways 2 go back 2 the dealer’s room. before that in the dealer’s room, i met a homare n after my pic i said “uhm.. prec/ure, thank you for saving everyone!!”  n found that kind of cute. a junko also took selfies w me aa.

i also met an aoba n took their pic n told them abt the official english localization coming soon n they were stoked bc they didnt kno abt it b4 n they told me there was a noiz at the con too so i was like “!!” n i eventually found them n apparently they were semi-new to the dm/md fandom? they said they were Late but i told them abt the localization too. while i was talking to the noiz, some lady at a nearby artist booth was like “are those ur real nails? omg can i take a pic” so i let her photograph my hands n we talked abt nails n how she usually kept hers long but has to cut em shorter for cons bc they break at cons due to the lifting she has to do n stuff.

the LL panel!! we mostly asked the 3 ooc questions abt idols n stuff after they did their trivia and dances. speaking of trivia, i won a d!sney villain lanyard, makkach!n sticky notes, n p0kem0n socks bc i answered like. 4-5 questions right haha some of the questions were rly easy tho sooo

then i walked around More. i explained to a group that i was giving out lollipops bc mikan’s a nurse n lollipops r like a doctor n the yukine went “i kno ur source ur no-!” n i went “i kind of am! but ur right, maybe im kind of like junko;’s mistress...” i saw a pregame saihara, kaede, n maki n when i gave them shots 4 their lollipops, i said “saihara, maybe thisll cure ur depression!” on impulse but jtggth. I ALSO MET A REI COSPLAYER n i was like “aaaa i luv ES hewwo... reiPs united” n they were like “im actually not a reiP, but ppkt hink since i cosplay him that im one haha. im a ritsuP but i cosplay rei bc who loves ritsu the most? rei!” n we talked abt events n how u have 2 try rly hard n they said that ppl think the next gacha or event will b leo n i was like “the knightsP are already Here...” n i said that if happyele brought out chiaki i’d die but b Ready n then we started talking abt how chiaki is so effing GOOD n ryuse!ta! being Good Boys n they were like “i wouldnt cosplay ryuse!ta! but chiaki, maybe... yknow, i actualy dont like subaru that much bc hes rude/cold to chiaki tbh.” n i was like “also arashi” n they went “...dont like him.” n then “how/why could/would anyone reject chiaki’s hugs?? they say he’s sweaty but like, ill hug tou so much dude” n i was like “YEA id hug him a thousand times over” n i was like “yknow how he pats anzu’s head n says good girl i wish that were me.. but hes so Good” n they were like “he obviously drops hints at anzu, saying things like ‘haha well this could/would happen If You were My Girffriend...’” n i was like “YEA the boy isnt Subtle.. he’d b like ‘wow i wish i could have a gf that could make me a bento.. wink.wink. oh, anzu u can cook? [scoots closer] hm. that’s-” they had 2 leave after a minute but ANYWAY they said they were gonna b kanzaki on saturday n im READY

THEN the whose line panel! it was RLY funny but writing all the details would take FOREVER okay.. im not that dedicated. maybe another time, kay? anyway, i saw a farz n a vincent n took their pic n went “oh, did yall see/kno there was a lawrence here earlier?” n the vincent pointed to farz n said “that was them” n they said “that was me haha...” n i went “...oh my GOD im so effing stupid i cant remember faces well im so sorry” but anyway the panel was funny n for the prompt “things u say abt ur cosply but not ur s/o”, i went up n i said “i could prob buy this for cheap...” then for “cheesy promomercials for anime characters” i said “welcome to kyu/bey’s magcal girls! u can become a magical girl w a low price. our prices r so low, but dont lose ur Head over em!” 

anyway i didnt kno the panel was 2 hours but i left a lil after halfway thru to go to the fr33! anel n they did trivia (i didnt get any of the questions.. i got CLOSE on a question tho. they said, “in 50 off who was nagisas boss” n i said “master dave” but it was “easter dave” so the other person got the prize (it was a poster or a button, idk) n i chose the number 5 for the dare n had it w rei, n rei had to propose to a random audience member n they nervously proposed to a hanayo n it was funny hehe. i also asked truth/dare 6 w nagisa n it was “whats ur dream/dream job” n he said an astronaut who’s also a penguin farmer pff anyway it was fun!! i also asked what if they were to b idols n i think rei said hed b the costume designer? i also asked if they could rap freestyle n they said “we’ll take a hard pass on that one haha”n i was like “hehe its fine i was Joking”

then i kind of loitered around blasting hypm!c songs then st down until i had 2 go hooome!! TIME 2 GO 2 BED

[nauseoussuggestion]

we were going through a sort of imaginative prayer today at this jr core retreat. the idea was to have this conversation with Jesus. the first prompt was to close your eyes and put yourself somewhere youre comfortable in whether it be at home or at some paradise

it took a lot of tries to see where i was with Jesus. first it was the fence in front of the house at night, which was where i went w andrew after i walked out of my moms car and ran off. then it was the godspell set and all four of the people i saw it with were there. then it was just me and the guy who played Jesus. then it was my emo corner in the church. i settled on the white bench beside the door and gate at the light house. it was hard to have a conversation with him. the only image i would see of Jesus was that of my role models and spiritual leaders like chavez or andrew or geo or that guy who played Jesus in godspell. i probably shouldnt be doing all this name dropping. one of the prompts was to look Jesus in the eye during your conversation. there were reminders throughout to keep breathing and looking in Jesuss eyes but the entire time it was the eyes of,, them yknow. i eventually got in the vibe of it and it was flashing in and out but i was there. this was the reading they were saying (it was around the time i had already started the convo). its one of the two options of Gospel readings we had during pentecost sunday this year. i heard it yesterday during tntt but i never wrapped my head around it. i have a soft spot for pentecost in my heart bc it always seemed so changing. the apostles were a mess and fire happened and i felt from day 1 it was a day of change and courage and confirmation. 

JN 15:26-27; 16:12-15

Jesus said to his disciples: "When the Advocate comes whom I will send you from the Father, the Spirit of truth that proceeds from the Father, “Spirit of truth”. God asked me if i knew he loved me. i said yes. i then asked him why i couldnt love him. thats the first time i admitted to myself that. 

he will testify to me. And you also testify, because you have been with me from the beginning. “you also testify” i thought about the fact that ive wanted to do testimonies for so long. how i dont have the courage to and how i dont have enough to say. i asked God again why i didnt love him. “because you have been with me from the beginning” im probably interpreting this wrong but ig i felt like God was giving me a high five for believing in him and that i knew hes been there since day 1. that i stayed here even if i didnt feel authentic or worth.  "I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. this one hurt. its stupid but i thought of it as God not being able to tell me why i couldnt love him. i do i think. i dont know how to feel it and i dont know how to act on it through prayer but i believe in God. im just bad at this. the better interpretatino of this is probably to say ‘hey man right now you dont know why youre so apathetic and unfeeling towards God. hell tell you eventually’ But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, didn’t think much during abt this part. was focused on the whole ‘God aint telling you the truth yet’  and will declare to you the things that are coming. hopefully my death? i want nothing more than to be rid of my inability to focus on what matters He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you. Everything that the Father has is mine; for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine and declare it to you." this ones. oof. “take from what is mine and declare it to you” i heard Jesus say hed give me the love he has for humanity to me. i heard my dad saying that everything he owned, money or otherwise, was mine to have. the love Jesus has for humanity. dang. 

my mindset in the faith is wrong i know it. this was such a weird prayerful raw moment for me though i needed to write it down somewhere. i cant forget this one. i dont know what it means to love God and i dont know if i do. i mean i know i do but at the same time all these actions and genuine forgetting of him. yikes. i dont know. its not just “hey i dont talk to you anymore i dont love you anymore”. i dont know how to explain it. the sharing of love Jesus has for humanity really comforted me though. i don tknow what to do with all of this i feel so lost and scared and stupid and damned to hell.

[wannasoftimagine]

tsundere!jihoon

(as requested)

jihoon may act cute and everything but deep down hes Horrible at expressing his feelings

esp when it comes to u

u met bc u worked at a coffeeshop near w1′s practice building and u got close to some of the members

it got to the point where ud take early shifts to bring them coffee when u were done working

anyways

he literally had a crush on u the second he first saw u, but he played it off as cool and pretended to be apathetic

the rest of the boys saw thru it but u didnt

honestly u were a lil hurt bc u kept trying to act friendly but he always shut u down so quickly

at first u thought maybe he was just tired

but nope

no matter what time of day u saw him, he was always just as cold towards u

eventually u just sort of give up with him

like? theres no point in trying to talk to him all the time if he just ignores u

so u move on and focus on befriending the rest of the boys

little do u realize tht jihoons always staring at u in the bg

eSPECIALLY when u smile

he honestly thinks ure super super cute but he refuses to admit that he likes u

every time u visit, the boys give him The Look and try and tease him abt his crush afterwards, but he denies everything completely

u overheard one of their conversations once and u couldve sworn ur heart started beating out of ur chest bc WHAT

there was no way jihoon liked u, right??

then u hear jihoon talk abt how he could never like u and denies whatever the other boys say

ur heart drops into ur stomach

u cant help it

even tho u did think jihoon was cute, it was clear tht he was v different from what the cameras liked to show

to hear him say stuff like tht made u feel nauseous, esp since u had barely talked to him lately and thought u werent bothering him

with that in mind u try to keep ur distance from him even more

n bc of that, u start avoiding the rest of the boys too

like? theyre always together as a big group, so u figure its best if u just give jihoon space so u dont annoy him so much

part of u wants to be angry at him, but u also remember all those times when u first met that u probably pushed his boundaries too far, so u had this coming

before u know it, ure barely interacting with the boys at all, taking shifts at the coffeeshop when u know theyll be busy and wont b able to drop by

its not a fun change, but its not like theres anything u can do about it

u do miss the rest of the boys tho

they were always so friendly and nice, cracking jokes to make u feel welcome, and u never really had friends like that before

but it cant be helped, so u just try to focus on work and school

thats when jihoon comes by the coffeeshop

its weird for a number of reasons

one: hes alone, and hes never out without other members or at least a handful of managers and staff

two: its at rush hour in the afternoon, right when u know he and the other boys should be busy practicing

three: he knows u work there, and since he hates u so much theres no way he would willingly come

u figure tht it was probably a dare from the older members to have him buy them coffee, so u swallow down the emotions in ur throat and put on a fake smile

u act as polite as u can, welcoming him to the shop and asking him what hed like to order

hes avoiding ur eyes, which is a bit irksome bc u just want to do ur job and get this conversation over with

and u hear him mumble something but ure not sure what it is

u lean over the counter a little and ask him to repeat bc u dont want to mess up the order and have him get mad at u

but he just looks u in the eyes and says “u look thinner. u should eat more” and ure just like “?? excuse me?”

n he clears his throat and looks away again and says “lets go out for dinner”

ure absolutely shellshocked at this point

“what” u say, bc ure a very smart person

“lets get dinner tonight” he looks a little annoyed now, so just to mess with him, u say “what” again

he groans, crossing his arms over his chest but stiLL refusing to look at u

“you and me. dinner. tonight. ill find a nice restaurant and treat u”

“…”

“…”

“jihoon, are u asking me out?”

he tries to play it cool by shrugging it off with an i guess, but u can see his ears turning bright red

its so cute and different from the front he usually put up around u, and u cant help but laugh a little

but ure like hold up. awhile ago he said u were annoying??

and hes like oBVIOusly i wasnt telling the truth if i told everyone else theyd never let it go

dont u remember how bad it was then even tho i told them i didnt like u??

and honestly u dont bc u were always so distracted tht u didnt pay attention when the boys kept trying to get u and jihoon alone

“ure lucky i like u, y/n”

“ure lucky i like u too”

he kinda freezes at that like “wait. u like me too???”

ure just like “yeah?? i mean i think so idk ure going to have to be extra nice to me for me to be sure���

he waves it off with a “that wont be hard”, and pretends not to stare at ur smile

(this time, u do notice)

he asks u when u get off work, and when u tell him tht ull be done by early evening, hes like “perfect. ill come by and pick u up then”

even tho u tried to convince him tht u needed to go home after to change and dress up, he insisted u looked fine as u were

which is lowkey super sweet??

and he keeps acting apathetic and cool even tho u can hear him stuttering over his “i’ll see u later”

so. he might act a bit like a tsundere or w/e but hes still v soft for u and doesnt plan on letting u forget that anytime soon