#but he’d probably find healthier coping methods

[donutfloats]

Them Martin genes strong af it seems

[green-meanies]

With the Mr. Green adopting the Gangreen Gang, if he was helping them find some other outlets for their emotions/ aggression. What kind of things do you think he would introduce them to? (I mean like creative outlets or punching bag maybe idk what do you think?)

Oh this is a good question! Ace probably could benefit from a punching bag since he has Tough Guy Syndrome, but a better long-term solution would probably be finding something that each of them enjoy doing and use that as either a healthier coping mechanism or a more rewarding experience than picking on kids lol

For Ace and possibly Grubber it could be music, Snake could be drawing or painting, Billy would be the easiest to work with since he’d probably find almost anything fun, Arturo…idk about him tbh

There are probably more constructive methods but child psychology/counseling isn’t my field of study 😅

[tokoyamisstuff]

Tender Ch. 1 - Loki x Mute! Reader

Summary: Even though Loki doesn’t understand why the new member of the Avengers should be kind to him of all people, he doesn’t want you to stop either.

Warnings: Loki being depressed, the Avengers being kinda mean, mentions of Torture and Death

Words: ~2100

[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]

All eyes were on him again.

As soon as Loki would step inside, the previously lively room would fall completely silent. Well, it’s not like he wasn’t used to being the involuntary kill-joy...

Usually, the God of Mischief craved attention, may it be positive or negative - most of the time being the latter. But lately, after months of having all those distrustful and hostile glares piercing holes into him, he’d rather wish for the ground to swallow him whole.

“Umm, so...I gotta go.” Natasha was the first one to flee the unpleasant atmosphere, not even putting the energy into mutter anything else than a cheap excuse on her way out. Clint wordlessly followed her close after, but not without shooting the Odinson one last, spiteful look.

Loki on the other hand was picking on his hands, a nervous habit he had inherited from his mother. As much as he tried to avoid meeting their eyes, the tensioned aura they were emitting making him feel close to breaking down completely - but he would never give them the satisfaction to witness this, he swore to himself.

And yet: Maybe he should just leave. Disappear, forever.

Although he’d never admit, Loki had grown very tired of his life following this stirr path, unable to diverge into a new direction. Everything he did would ultimately bring death and destruction upon mankind, inflicting fear in the hearts of all people.

His whole existence was based on being condemned to fail - just for others to reach their ‘glorius purpose’.

“Great” Tony scoffed. “Now they’re gone. Well done, prince of nothing.” Steve cut his friend off, clearing his throat very exaggeratedly.

The god still hadn’t moved from the doorframe of the conference room, while all others were already sitting on the oval-shaped table. He didn’t got what all that fuss was about. If Steve didn’t insist him to attend this emergency meeting, he’d just have gone about his usual business and avoided everyone as good as he could.

“C’mon, brother” Thor sighed, well knowing that if his brother was to stay in the team, it would ultimatively drive a wedge between them. All that pressure in the air was straining for everyone, including himself. 

Tony on the other hand was pretty chill about everything, aside of being passive-aggressive. This was probably due to their similar coping styles.

Even though his near-death-experience back when he stopped the Chitauri was still eating on his mental health, he’d prefer glossing over it with stupid jokes and overly confident behaviour. “No sassy remark today, Reindeer Games?”

Stark was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed as he rose an eyebrow on the god, who only muttered a hoarse “No...not today.”

Yeah, it was kind of his style to break the unsettling silence through puny comments or self-glorifying speeches, to distract from his own insecurity.

But right now, he was just so damn tired.

Of this planet and it’s people, as well as the humiliating circumstances he had to dwell in. The fact that he was a prisoner at the Stark Tower, amongst his worst enemies. Being forced by his brother to keep up this meaningless act, as if he’d ever be seen as a team member or ally - when in reality, he was but a slave to the people he once ought to reign.

Just like back on Asgard: Never one of them, never belonging. No way to break free - for his true self was something to be loathed.

However, first and foremost the one thing he was especially tired of was himself, for he couldn’t get out of his own skin. Not only could he never be considered a hero, let alone be redeemed.

After all the atrocities he had commited due to Thanos’ torture and the tesseract’s influence,  now that he woke up from that naive dream of power stilling the emptiness in his dark heart, there was nothing left for him - other than to be haunted by his crimes until the mercy of death would overcome him.

“Well” Steve began, slamming his palms on the desk to attract everyone’s attention. “As you all know, we are welcoming a new team member today.”

“They all know?” Of course they wouldn’t let him in on such sensitive information. Not that he minded either way - one Avenger more or less, it didn’t matter how many people hated him in here.

“Please, come on in.”

Loki cleared the entrance when he heared Tony’s words, turning around in anticipation of another dull creature like the Hulk to torment him - but his calm demeanour dropped completely at this unusual sight:

“Y-You?!”

That was simply not possible! The last time he had seen you was almost a year ago, and you were on the brink of death at that!

“For everyone that doesn’t know yet: Her name is Y/N Y/L/N. She is one of the victims HYDRA experimented on, and they succeeded in forming an artificial mutant.”

Steve went on and on explaining about your powers, but Loki’s head had already turned on autopilot, the only thing he could concentrate on being how the hell you of all people ended up here.

All these months, he was desperately trying to get any information about you, all of his hints ultimately leading him to dead ends - and in the end, tragically believing in your imminent death.

The memories were still painfully vivid in his mind: It was his first mission together with the Avengers, at a HYDRA hideout with most likely no civil survivors.

Actually, he had planned to make his escape right when the others engaged in a fight, wandering the hallways of what resembled a torture chamber rather than a laboratory.

On the walls were several instructions, about a serum that might cause a human to mutate if they were exposed to unbearable stress - pain being the most effective method, apparently.

Yet instead of finding anything useful for his personal gain, he found you: A  beautiful woman, yet emaciated and lying in a puddle of her own blood. At first he thought you to be dead just like the others - but as soon as your faint whimpers drang to his ears, he burst the cell you were trapped in open, rushing to your side immediately.

“Shh...” the god scooped you up from the cold stone floor, wrapping his cloak around your broken body. “Everything is alright now. Your savior is here.”

Loki gasped as he felt your hand stroking his cheekbone, even through all your pain and weakness wanting to bid your hero this due respect.

“Hel...you humans are such fragile creatures...” Loki muttered under his breath, cursing his own lack of talent when it came to casting healing spells. “Hang in there, look at me!”

Your eyes were teary and bloodshot, yet not less fit to bring across a message no words ever could: Incredible gratitude, and admiration.

He could tell you were close to passing out when your hand left his face, falling limp to the side. But he held you firmly in his arms, not once stopping to utter sweet words of encouragement as he made his way to the ship, leading you into safety.

“Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man?”

Those were the words he once directed at Black Widow - but only now he understood her attempts.

Saving one person could never make up for all the lives he had destroyed - and yet he knew that for you, it would mean the world none the less.

In one way or another, with your life at his mercy, he began to finally grasp the preciousness of life, and doing everything in one’s might to protect it.

“Reindeer Games” Tony tapped on his shoulders, making Loki wake from his pondering. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t scare her away on the first day already.”

Oh.

Just now he was noticing his own grim expression, having towered over your much smaller form this whole time with furrowed brows.

“My apologies” was his firm response, but you only shook your head, trying to tell him it was not a big deal.

So this was what you looked like when you’re not imprisoned, he realized when he took in your physique.

Much to his pleasure, all of your wounds had seemingly healed, and you finally gained some much needed weight. Like this, you looked so much more healthier - and most definetly even more bewitching than he remembered you.

If people had let him know, would he have visited your sickbed, aiding you towards health again? Who knows...

Yet somehow, he dwelled in the thought of you being able to lead a happy life now that you were free - which made your decision to seek out the Avengers in wish for more battles even harder for him to accept.

“You are incredibly strong, Lady Y/N” Loki spoke firmly, everyone else rolling their eyes at his usual exaggeration - but you knew he meant every word. “Be sure of my eternal respect.” 

The God of Lies’ eyes widened in excitement when you directed a warm smile at him, knowing for sure that this one was genuine. It wasn’t like those fake smirks the other Avengers gave him out of politeness, or the mocking laughs when they were making fun of or excluding him.

No - that one was just pure affection. And it left him in awe.

“Thank you for saving me back then” you signed, just for Loki shooting you a puzzled look.

“What, I thought the all-tongue knows every language?” Tony yelled, as inconsiderate as always. Thor was quick to explain on his brother’s stead, him still being deeply invested with you. “Every spoken one, yes. ASL is not one of our fortes.”

Usually, Loki had always been a quick thinker. But right now he was to bewildered by your appearance that thinking straight was out of the question.  

What language were they speaking of? And why have you not been saying anything up until now? Maybe his presence was making you uncomfortable, after all? Should he leave on your behalf?

To make it easier for him to understand, you rolled down your turtleneck, revealing the unsighty scar that covered your whole throat.

There were not many people bold enough to come close to the God of Mischief without warning, yet suddenly you simply took his hand and slowly led it to your neck.

How could you be so naive and offer someone like him such a vital spot?! He’ll never get the human philosophy...

And yet, the flabbergasted god hesistantly let his hand run over the scar, while you opened your mouth to no avail - for 11 months already, no tone would leave your vocal cords.

“I’m incredibly sorry...” Loki whispered with a sorrowful tone, while the others just stared in disbelief. “If only I was able to heal this wound back then...”

What a puny god he was...and an even more pathetic wanna-be-hero at that...

He would try to take a few steps back, but you took a hold of his hand, squeezing it with both of yours, that cheerful smile not faltering in the slightest.

“Please, don’t be sad. I’m only alive thanks to you!” Bucky, whose cousin was mute as well, translated what you were signing for Loki. His tone sounded quite irritated, not fitting those meaningful words. “I only wanted to join the Avengers because I want to be just like you. You’re my idol!”

Those words touched him deeply, igniting a flame inside of him he thought long to be defunct. Was it hope?

Of course it was not nearly enough to pull him out of that deep, dark hole he felt trapped in for as long as he could remember - yet somehow, he now felt that it was not impossible to escape.

While the others were cringing at your declaration, making jokes about ‘choosing wrong idols’ or would plainly not believe Loki to have a positive effect on anyone, the two of you would just stare at each other in silent admiration.

Shyly, you signed yet another word for him - and this time, Loki would know what you mean from pure intuition. 

He smiled.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Loki was able to smile again, just thanks to your heartwarming welcome. And he was still blissfully unaware about what effect you could have on him, if he was brave enough to let you close.

One thing was sure: You literally had him wrapped around his finger from the very start.

[plotbunniesattack]

On the eve of his 26th Birthday, Dean Winchester found himself alone and with time to kill in Greenwich Village, New York. He had been sent to investigate some potentially cursed occult objects that had popped up at a widow’s estate sale. John was headed further south for a salt and burn low-level haunting and wouldn’t be back for Dean until the following day.

As it turned out, The objects in question were neither cursed nor occult related. Just some crazy lady, her seventeen cats, and a bunch of rusty antiques she wanted to pawn off as expensive heirlooms. No one had really shown up for the gig either, making it that much harder for Dean to even pretend to blend in. Seeking him almost immediately, The widow had not only noticed but also taken a liking to Dean, much to his discomfort. Fortunately, however, he’d been able to charm his way out of her awkward sexual advances following an unnecessarily long personal tour of her estate.

January in New York City was cold and dark. The afternoon rain had muted most of the bohemian neighborhood’s appeal. Wandering aimlessly through Washington Square Park, Dean watched wet pigeons shitting on statues and scrounging for soggy bits of food.

Trekking down Bleecker Street, just past NYU’, some college girls in skin-tight jeans and designer rainwear caught his eye. They giggled and blushed when he approached them to ask about local happy hours nearby. Politely they pointed him in the direction of the aptly named Peculiar Pub a few blocks away. And that seemed just about right, given how he was having one heck of a “peculiar” sort of day.

***

Promptly cut off after his fifth consecutive beer, Dean was given a choice to order a $10 burger or settle his tab; he chose the latter. Outside it was still raining, and darkness had begun seeping into the evening sky. Exiting the bar, Dean somehow managed to catch his foot wrong. Stumbling forward, he was unable to stop himself before full on crashing into a petite blonde.

“I am so sorry about that,” Dean began to say, realizing his buzz was much stronger than he’d anticipated.

“CJ? CJ Braxton!? Of all the people to literally bump into!!”

‘CJ Braxton? Oh, Shit!’ Dean thought as memories flashed through his mind.

The alias Dean had used some years back while hunting a shapeshifting TA at Boston Bay College. Caught off guard, Dean rapidly became too flustered to process the absurdity of his luck. Having just physically collided with a once serious now ex-girlfriend.

“Jen Lindley, Wow! I mean, wow, it’s been a long time!” Dean mumbled.

***

Jen insisted on bringing Dean back to her apartment, conveniently located right around the corner. As they walked, Jen rambled on about her life; Her Grandmother’s cancer was in remission. Both she and her best friend Jack had gotten into NYU. College was amazing, and everything in Jen’s life seemed to be going according to plan.

“I really like what you’ve done with your hair!” Jen gushed as she hung up Dean’s jacket.

As if on cue, Dean reached up and nervously ran his fingers through his short hair.

“Oh yeah, I had to cut it- didn’t wanna start looking like a hippie or som’thing,” Dean slurred.

Jen’s apartment was a large studio with a fire escape facing the park. It was way classier than any place Dean had ever lived in his entire life. Once, Back when he was CJ, he’d experimentally glanced at some New York apartment listings. Pretty instantaneously, his jaw had hit the floor as it dawned on him just how freaking expensive they were.

“Can I offer you some tea, coffee, water Or?” Jen paused, looking past her refrigerator to stare back at Dean.

“Umm, do you have any Beer?” Dean asked out of habit.

“Beer!?” Jen’s eyes grew large, and her face twisted with worry as more information rebooted into Dean’s brain.

In 2003, heartbroken from mistakenly placed trust in Cassie Robinson, Dean had decided to try something new. Instead of being just another version of himself, CJ Braxton became the polar opposite of his real personality. Swearing less, studying more, and trying to eat a little bit healthier, Dean had gone so far as considering the many ways he depended on alcohol. Acknowledging his family’s history of poor coping methods, he’d made a solid attempt at staying teetotal for the remainder of his time undercover.

“Water! Water, is a much better choice? I don’t know what I was thinking there for a moment,” Dean trailed off as Jen crossed the room and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

“Umm.” Dean gulped, hugging her back weakly.

Jen pulled away some but still managed to catch Dean’s eyes, staring intensely into them with concern.

“What could’ve possibly happened with you these past few years-? That you would decide just to throw away your sobriety?” Jen inquired softly.

“Oh. Just- I dunno, life.” Dean retorted.

Jen reached for his hand, weaving her fingers lovingly within his. Leading him away from the kitchen and over to her couch. Dean allowed himself to be pushed into a sitting position and for Jen to rest her head on his shoulder.

“I know it’s been years since we last spoke CJ, and for my own part in that, I am so truly sorry. I hope that you can still find it within yourself to trust me, though-and that you might- still confide in me some of these heavy emotional burdens that have taken their toll on you?”

Jen stared at Dean, searching for any scraps of either validation or truth.

Dean paused; in his gut, he knew that he hated having to lie to her but the actual truth? Her knowing about that was out of the question too.

His mind swam, recounting everything that had changed since leaving Boston and breaking things off with Jen. Dad had thrown himself further into the job, isolating himself and leaving Dean to hunt solo most of the time. Sam had left him for Stanford and quit hunting altogether.

He thought all the way back to that call about some grisly murders upstate in Nyack, NY. How he’d actually wrestled over leaving Jen and what they had at the time. Until he was hit by the undeniable realization that CJ Braxton was a joke and no one could ever love him as Dean Winchester. Before he knew it, there were tears in his eyes, and he was powerless to stop them.

The next thing he knew, Jen’s lips were on his, and her gentle hands roamed under his shirt. Clothing was shed while the kissing continued growing into deeper needier touches.

Things heated then, and before Dean could grasp onto much less unroll a condom, they were passionately entwined. Something inside of Dean snapped, and he gave himself over entirely to their act of passion.

***

Dean awoke alone around 4 AM in the unfamiliar and too dark apartment. His phone buzzed loudly from his discarded jeans’ pocket. Reaching down, Dean flipped open his phone to a text from John, informing him that it was time to leave NYC at last.

***

Jen tried to be patient in the office waiting room, but her heart was fluttering in her chest. She had taken three home pregnancy tests, all yielding the same result. What could the additional lab work prove to her that she didn’t already know? Despite exercising ‘her rights to choose,’ her decision had been made long ago. She would keep this baby, knowing that it was probably the last piece of CJ Braxton that she could ever hope to obtain.

[bigskydreaming]

I'm having a worse than usual day, so my go to moodlift method is making up headcanons for Dick that don't involve superheroing. You know, the romantic hero, the 'most eligible bachelor' aspect.. gets the focus. Because hey plenty of us had a crush on him growing up. Just for fun, I wanna ask you, do you think he's a slow burn romance kinda guy or intense fiery passionate romance from the get go kinda guy? One more, the age old question, is HE an ass guy or a tiddy guy? Imo he's a thigh guy..

Sorry you’re having a crap day, and uh, hope this didn’t end up not fun, I got lost in the headcanoning and character analysis and zigged and zagged per usual, so……I do not trust my ability to tell, overall. LMAO. But good question, made me think!

I think it depends on the person. I feel like Dick is capable of both, that sometimes feelings just creep up on him for someone over time, but other times he’s just drawn to someone instantly. For me, Babs and Kory is the proof - the instant crush on Babs from day one is more of a Reboot introduction to their dynamic…..in various older continuities, she was more a rival at first. Even as he advocated for Bruce to help train her and not stop her from being Batgirl at sometimes, he still very much was competitive with her, that sort of thing. You could argue it was the schoolboy kinda crush, that idea of a boy pulling the pigtails of a girl he likes because he doesn’t know how to admit he likes her or even realizes himself that he does. But personally, I find that explanation doesn’t really fit Dick, as its more fitting to someone who lacked his early maturity.

The thing is, a lot of people tend to focus on some of Dick’s more immature behaviors and actions, as a grown man and back when he was Robin with the puns and seeming innocence, and just see it as innocence and immaturity…..but I’ve always seen it as a coping mechanism. Dick grew up fast at a very early age, as much as Bruce himself did - they just coped with it in very different ways. People emphasize that Bruce took him in partly to keep Dick from turning out like he did, but they often forget at the same time that Bruce also took Dick in because he empathized with him, saw himself and his own tragedy reflected in Dick’s. Life-altering events had already happened to Dick before he ever set foot in Wayne Manor…..and Dick was altered. He was painfully aware of how cruel life could be, how serious things were, before Bruce ever actually had any ability to halt that realization from ever touching Dick.

The difference between Bruce and Dick and how they turned out, is that with Bruce’s support in those early years, Dick willfully clung to as much of his childhood as was left to him, even if at times it was the ‘fake it until you make it’ mentality. Many of his more immature behaviors are IMO a spiteful defiance of life’s attempt to make him grow up before he should have had to….and Bruce encouraged these things, IMO. He gave Dick the support and shelter, the buffer that allowed Dick to act immature even in the face of gravely serious and dark issues, because quite frankly, Dick cracking puns even while they were face to face with a life-threatening danger is probably a healthier coping mechanism than any Bruce had at the same age, at least in Bruce’s eyes if nothing else. 

But my point is, Dick’s youthful optimism and cheeriness even in the darkest parts of growing up Robin in Gotham City….none of that existed because Dick was truly childish and immature as befitted his actual age, thanks to Bruce taking him in and guiding him to turn out better than he did or whatever that line of thought might look like…..rather, it existed because Dick made the willful and deliberate choice to act as much the child as he could for as long as he could…..and I think that in the early years when things were really good between them and they were largely on the same page, Bruce recognized this choice for what it was, this defiance to the cards life had dealt Dick, and he encouraged and defended Dick’s ability to make this choice and act this way.

But you can’t see the kind of things all the Robins saw and actually be as immature and goofy as Dick acted as Robin, untouched by all of that. Dick was right there in the thick of it all along. How can you avoid being touched by Gotham’s darkness, seeing Gotham’s darkness, when you’re punching it right in the face, you know? You can’t. But what you can do, if you choose to, and which is what Dick chose to do….is not give it the satisfaction of knowing it touched you. The real testament of how mature Dick was or not as a young crime-fighting Robin, how aware he was or not of the grim realities of life, was not in how he acted when face to face with villains and criminals, but rather, how he acted when face to face with their victims. THAT’S where the reality of Dick’s maturity shined through, even LONG before he met Barbara in any canon.

Which is how this tangent brings us back to topic, lol….a schoolboy crush being the explanation for some of Dick’s earlier pettiness with Barbara and their rivalry at times, like, just doesn’t track with Dick’s actual maturity, IMO. The actual more likely explanation as I see it is that Dick did genuinely clash with her at times, in the very early years, that his initial attitudes were a confused mish-mash of feeling threatened by her and her possibly getting between him and Bruce, the partnership that was in all but name his unique form of father-son bonding time….but also at the same time still being Dick Grayson and feeling compelled to do the right thing and respect and thus defend her being given the same chance and training he’d been given, to do what they both felt needed doing, that they were driven to do.

So I don’t think he and Babs were instant friends, and I don’t think she was his instant crush….I think it was slowburn with her, he gradually grew to develop feelings for her over time, as his respect for her mind and capabilities grew to outweigh whatever conflicting emotions he felt about her being around, and then eventually blossomed into actual love.

Then in contrast, you have Kory. And I think Dick was instantly attracted to her from the get-go, and their relationship was the very epitome of intense passionate romance and all the ups and downs that go along with it, as befits too of the most primal and passionate people in the DC universe. Dick was drawn to her pretty much from day one, and Kory was as well, and it wasn’t an opposites attract thing so much as two beings resonating on the same wavelength, even if at times from different parts of the same spectrum. 

Because here’s the thing about Dick that I think links the two kinds of relationships and makes them both fitting for him…..he is very much a creature of instincts. He goes with his gut, he responds to things on an automatic and visceral level. But at the same time, the other truth about Dick is that his mind is no less exceptional than anyone else’s in the Batfamily, and his instincts are guided by a hell of a lot more intellect and processing power than most peoples’ are. He’s been trained from the time he could walk, even long before he met Bruce, to have exceptional situational awareness, to adapt to changes in his environment and predicaments with a moment’s notice, to take in every possible relevant detail at a glance when the stakes are literally those of leaping off a high trapeze. Dick trusts his instincts, because Dick’s instincts are exceptional, and with reason.

And this applies to every part of his life, not just the superhero parts. So when Dick feels drawn to someone like Kory, I think he trusts his gut and goes with it….he might not necessarily even know yet on a conscious level why he’s attracted to them and they’re someone he could really fall for and have a relationship with, he just knows that he does feel that way, and trusts that its for a reason. And then at the same time, with someone like Barbara, he likely had those same instincts about her, leading to the times he defends her to Bruce even though he might have clashed with her just minutes before, but he knows there’s a reason for him to do that, act that way, even if it takes much longer for that to transition from a mere possibility of actual compatibility to conscious feelings of actual attraction and love. 

Its all instinct to him either way….but the person he’s instinctively reacting to has the definitive role in whether or not its slowburn or instant passionate attraction….because the other deep truth about him that I feel is relevant here is that Dick feeds off other people, their energy, what they show him and give him to work with….and his instinct is usually to meet them in kind, give the same energy back, unless say, he makes the conscious decision to override his instincts and power through an antagonistic reception and try and forge a positive bond, like with building his sibling dynamic and mentorship of Damian.

But in regards to his romances, as I said, I think the same instincts might be in play with both Barbara and Kory, but it played out very differently because Babs wasn’t initially drawn to him, not in that way at least. She wasn’t putting forth a romantic energy, and so it took awhile for Dick’s own romantic feelings to emerge and for them to finally be reciprocated in time. In contrast, it was hot and fiery from day one with Kory, because Kory was drawn to him from day one as much as Dick was to her, so there was nothing to slow down or stop those instincts from transforming into attraction and romantic feelings from the second he felt them.

As to the rest of your ask, lololol, sorry to be a cop out, but I don’t think there is a specific physical draw for Dick. I’ve always headcanoned him as bi, which is a bit of projection on my part, sure, but also I just genuinely don’t think gender or even physicality at all has anything to do with what draws to a person, or makes him attracted to them. Yeah, sure, I think he absolutely has physical attributes he loves and might put forth as their best attribute for any partner he’s with, but I think its different with each person because Dick is all about individuality….not just with himself and his own independence, but just….people aren’t interchangeable for him. At any level, I think. 

Every person who’s important to him is uniquely distinct in his mind, and I think with his romantic partners, this results in him liking something distinct about them physically, that separates them in his mind from any other partners he’s had. Because I don’t think its physical appearance that’s Dick’s primary source of attraction with his partners….he’s attracted to them first, and then he settles on something physical that’s uniquely attractive to him as well, that’s different in his mind from anyone else.

Because I think the thing that draws Dick to people in all forms of his relationships, but is particularly true and evident in his romantic partners…..is Dick is both drawn and attracted to competence, skill, power, intellect….all the things that make someone hardy. Durable. A survivor in the context of the world of superheroics that he lives in, specifically.

He’s drawn to people he feels he’s less likely to lose. And he’s attracted to people that this is equally true of, and even moreso, to the degree where he doesn’t feel any need to protect them….not because he doesn’t want to, but because it isn’t relevant. He feels and trusts that they’re more than capable of protecting themselves just as well if not better than he ever could.

And he knows better than anyone that nothing’s a guarantee, and even as he surrounds himself with family and friends and romantic partners that all have in common the fact that they’re incredibly skilled, capable and powerful…enduring…..he still knows that doesn’t mean he can’t lose them, that he won’t lose them. And thus IMO they all wind up in distinct categories in his mind.

His family, he’d kill for. His friends, he’d die for. And his romantic partners, the thing that makes him attracted to them, rather than just drawn to them, are those that he has no doubt would kick his ass for ever presuming to do either of those things for them, because they’re more than capable of taking care of themselves, thanks ever so much. He’s attracted to people he feels safe around, in the sense that he’s not always on guard, always worried about losing them, because he trusts in their ability to endure, survive, and thrive. And that he also can relax around, in the sense that he’s not always feeling like its on him to protect them, defend them, that he has to be always to be on guard or watching out for…because its not his job to protect them and it doesn’t have to be, because there’s nothing he can do for them that they can’t do for themselves and wouldn’t prefer to be left to them. And thus with them he can just…be.

Dick Grayson IMO is attracted to one type of person and one type only: his equals in body, mind and spirit. The ones he can stand beside and not feel dwarfed by or lost in their shadow, and at the same time never have to look back to make sure they’re following him because he knows they’re right there next to him keeping up. He’s attracted to those who challenge him, intellectually, emotionally, that he respects on every level, but who respect him on every level too…..with this part being especially key, and the problem he’s had in his canon relationships - they ONLY fall apart on his end of things, make him lose faith in the relationship, when he feels disrespected, that they’re not valuing him or his capabilities or contributions. 

Dick KNOWS his own worth, which is why he’s such a unique blend of confidence and insecurity….he can weather a whole society of people looking down on him because he knows their opinion doesn’t mean shit to him, but still be stricken with insecurity when he feels someone whose opinion he DOES value, like a romantic partner, family or friend, seems to question his worth or what he’s capable of. 

Dick and Kory are my preferred canon relationship because when they’re ALLOWED to work without editorial mandate to break them up or keep them apart, they embody this most fully for me. Because Kory is massively more powerful than Dick, but never regarded Dick as anything other than her equal in the field in spite of that. There was no question that they both regarded each other as fellow warrior spirits that they trusted to have their back in battle above all others. Kory and Dick work so well for me, because with everything else I said kept in mind, they SHOULDN’T work, not as total equals, and yet they DO. There SHOULD be a power imbalance there, and yet there never was. Not one that was felt, anyway, and not one that was ever in any way responsible for any of their romantic problems. Their issues were disagreements born of competing ideologies….but that both felt equally strongly about. Or issues of trust but only that were externally imposed by brainwashing and shapeshifting and bad shitty writing and editorial mandate that I’ll be ranting about on my deathbed. 

BUT I DIGRESS.

Anyway, enough rhapsodizing about Dick and Kory, lol, like that’s anything new. I mean, I could insert rhapsodizing about the potential for Dick and Kyle based on all of the above and other reasons, but that’s nothing new either. And also, whoops, this got super fucking long.

OH UNKNOWABLE UNIVERSE, WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN SUCH A THING.

[janiedean]

Hey, lately I've seen a lot of people hate on book!Tyrion and talk about what a terrible person he is and wanted to hear your take on that, because I don't really get it. I think that he is a really interesting character in the books, more so than in the second half of the show, if you ask me.

(sorry for replying this late I needed time to get to it and stuff happened haha)

soooo... tldr: I think *tumblr* has a shitload of issues with tyrion that are 90% rooted in the fact that this website thinks hating men is cool/that men are the worst always *and* also only cries ableism when it’s convenient or to call ableist things that are not in fact such (ie ‘omg if you use stupid is ableist’ which... automatically implies that anyone with a disability is *stupid* and the likes), and in tyrion’s case there’s.... an overlap of those specific issues added to the fact that since he’s a general fan favorite regardless of any fault of his then it’s fine to trash on him. going in depth on it:

now, there’s admittedly a difference in between book and show tyrion in the sense that the show version is a lot less gray and has cut on a lot of material in that sense, but like...... it’s d&d who after they decided to chunk the book storyline couldn’t write him properly so I’m not touching that topic because it’s not *his* issue, it’s theirs, and as you said... well obv. he’s more interesting in the books, because he has a lot more layers and he actually does something post-asos instead of rehashing the same three jokes that aren’t even on par with *his* book humor because he’s too smart for d&d to pull off correctly (I mean from S6 to S8 they managed to give him good lines in... the finale? PROBABLY? but they can’t write him, it’s their problem);

when it comes to book!tyrion, he obviously has faults same as 99,9% of the characters in these books, but all of those faults are... absolutely understandable given his background? I mean, so he hates his father and his sister, has fairly unhealthy coping methods and that got worse after asos, but... he comes from a lifetime of parental/familial abuse that crowned with tywin forcing him to rape his then-wife who actually did love him and convincing him he was unlovable, cersei was molesting him in the cradle and the only person who cared about him outside the uncles brigade which wasn’t around all the time was jaime who went off to get traumatized for himself at thirteen, and that just because of how he looks and for his disability, do we ask him to be a perfectly adjusted person? not really, and actually the fact that he tries to be better than 99% of his family all the time and that he actually has a lot of empathy for disadvantaged people and empathy in general says a lot about how he’s a pretty damn decent person, not a terrible one;

now, I think that this fandom on tumblr has ten problems with him because in order, the fact that he’s a man already puts him on a disadvantaged level but that’s common to most guys in this fandom like on tumblr in this fandom if a female character fucks up and a male character fucks up, the latter will be called out upon it way more than than the female character. also, abused male characters don’t get recognition for that 99% of the time. but that also means that his disability gets brushed off/ignored because since **according to tumblr standards** it’s not stopping him from doing most of what he’d like and no one takes it into account, his abuse gets brushed off/ignored because WELL HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE, the fact that he’s a man means he has male privilege and whatever the fuck else and since he’s technically (in the book at least) Not Standard Attractive then he doesn’t even get the shitload of excuses hot people get in virtue of being hot;

also, there’s a certain attitude I really don’t like at all whatsoever to describe the fact that in his POVs he always goes about how much he hates his father/cersei or WHERE DO THE WHORES GO in adwd as whining/being unable to get over it/dying of self-pity but like.......... that’s..... how he copes with knowing he’s been treated like shit? like, thing is: in a literary genius foil with his brother who has no idea of the crap he was unjustly subjected to if not very subconsciously and whose coping method is *going away* and/or forgetting about things and/or not thinking about them, tyrion’s coping method is never letting himself forget it and honestly.... so he thinks shit about his father and sister all the time? tough luck, they’re his abusers, ofc he does. he can’t get over thinking no one will love him because of his looks? tough luck, he was told that all his life and when he found someone he thought did tywin organized that rouse so he’d think she was with him for money and he forced him to rape her which is also called rape by proxy so he’s also a rape victim and he was thirteen? wow, if I were him ie someone whose first advice to a main character in these books was ‘never forget about your weaknesses and make them your armor so people can’t hurt you with them’ then I also would be thinking about that all the time. he’s an abuse victim and he’s not away from his abusers until the end of asos, what are we expecting, that he’d get over it? actually it’s a way healthier method than jaime’s because at least he knows he’s been wronged all along and he can see both c. and his father for the assholes they are but at least he knows that and he harbors no illusions about them even if he still kind of wants them to love him same as most people would, but like... that’s not whining? that’s stuff that it’s absolutely normal he should be thinking? also, the where do the whores go thing in adwd is....... basically he just learned that his biggest trauma was not what he believed it was and he has to reconcile himself with the fact that a) tysha never not loved him, b) jaime was in on it even if he subconsciously knows that he also was a victim in that ploy (when he dreams about killing him in adwd he’s crying, sooooo) and he has to know because jaime told him out of *guilt* and he damn well knows it, like he’s re-elaborating the entire thing, obviously he’s fixated on it??? I mean the moment I figured out a specific thing that I hadn’t realized about an unhealthy relationship I had with someone I spent a month thinking about it every other moment for a month and it was nowhere near that same level of terrible, and I’m surprised that he thinks about that for all of adwd? like, I find those justifications very iffy and incredibly dismissive of a) his trauma b) his abuse victim status;

also there’s the whole HE KILLED TYWIN thing but..... I honestly am baffled it’s even a thing fandom thinks he should pay for or anything. like, the problem is that he killed *shae* in that context, and that was also out of feeling betrayed after just learning of how it really went with tysha, and that’s why he’s on the downward spiral/his lowest point in adwd, but.... tywin? really? like tywin is an asshole period, he abused him all his life, he traumatized the shit out of him for his entire life and made him grow up thinking he was unlovable and outright told him he wanted to drown him, and not even counting what tywin did to *him*, we’re talking about someone who went and calmly planned the red wedding the moment he realized there was no way he could take out robb without treachery and didn’t feel particularly bothered by it on a moral level, and we’re sad that he died or think that tyrion has to pay for it because he killed his abuser who also never really was a father to him in any sense of the word? like what the fuck does tyrion owe tywin? literally nothing and tbqh it’s tywin narratively reaping the seeds of what he’s sown if tyrion goes and offs him. like, a lot of people re fixed on this thing about OH HE KILLED HIS FATHER HE DOESN’T DESERVE REDEMPTION but the narrative doesn’t ask it of him. he has to make peace and find his own redemption for killing shae at that point, not tywin. tywin had it coming since the moment he showed up. like, saying he’s a horrible person for offing someone who only ever abused the shit out of him doesn’t really fly as far as I’m concerned;

at this point we get to ‘okay but in adwd he does a lot of questionable things’, but..... a) he’s supposed to be at his lowest narrative point and a lot of people have done a lot of questionable things at their lowest narrative point in these books, I mean if I think theon can have a nice life and get better after his WF stint I can think that tyrion can have a nice life and get better after his adwd stint, b) it’s nothing he’ll be proud of when he pulls his shit together (and he already had started by the end of adwd) but I mean... it’s nothing worse than most people who have to pull their shit together in these books have done lately, like honestly writing him off as a horrible person because of his adwd stint reaaaaally reeks to me of double standard which is based on the fact that no one around here wants to recognize that he’s an abuse victim and his reactions are valid and that yes his disability singles him out and is the reason people target him and not his merits or demerits. I mean he even spells it out, he’s been on trial for being a dwarf all his life/everyone already judged him for that regardless of his actual faults, and that’s not him being delusional, it’s the truth. he’s a person who certainly has faults same as anyone else but guess what a lot of people around fandom do what tywin does and exacerbate them if you ask my opinion;

(that also can be seen when it comes to what people think of the guy being shipped around because believe me I wish I hadn’t seen people saying he couldn’t be a good option for sansa because he’s not the beautiful gallant stainless dude she deserves, and I’m saying it as a sansan shipper first but come the fuck on) (other than that tyrion/bronn is ofc the superior ship but nvm me)

also there’s the whole thing where people decided that since tyrion is a general fandom fave in between the w.org/reddit crowd/general audience then obviously if the dudebros (ugh i can’t with that generalization anymore sure af freefolk is less puritan than tumblr from what I see) like him then he has to also incarnate the Worst Type Of Male Fan Of Asoiaf In Existence and like........ now, I don’t doubt that when it comes to the *general audience* there’s a lot of misconceptions going around plus a lot of his character faults get ignored (I mean when I went on w.org the first time the first thread I ran into was like ‘wow sansa is a bitch for not kneeling at once when they married and making him feel like shit’ I mean that’s a situation where you should feel bad for both but calling her a bitch for not wanting to kneel while marrying a guy she was forced to who also belonged to the family that killed her brother and mother and her father too is like......... come on seriously?) but that’s the same with most fandom faves in any fandom, it doesn’t mean that if some of his fans see him with rose-tinted glasses then on this side of the pond we have to decide he sucks when he doesn’t, and as I said time and time again..... do we remember the last time that in any fandom the general audience favorite character who sells the merchandise more than anyone else is a disabled abuse victim who doesn’t shut up about it and tries to be better than anyone else thinks them able to? because I don’t and while tyrion is not top five asoiaf for me I’m very glad that *he* is the general audience favorite. so they don’t get the point or see him with rose-tinted glasses? happens to fandom faves in general, but it doesn’t mean that he’s a terrible person in the text just because the dudebro crowd (if we wanna call it like that but meh) likes him. so what, he is the audience fave? good, I’m beyond fine with him being the audience fave. I honestly don’t think it’s an argument that should even be brought up because ‘that character’s fans are shit so the character is automatically shit because we judged the fans on their supposed gender’ is not an argument. *shrug*

tldr: I think people on here exaggerate his flaws (that everyone has) and are bitchy about the fact that he is the general audience favorite because how dare a guy who’s as far as we know cishet (which is already bad for tumblr standards), not standard hot (crime!!), has a disability (which gets ignored 90% of the time when discussing his privilege or lack thereof), is an abuse victim who won’t let you forget it and you can’t deny/headcanon differently (which is a thing tumblr can’t accept - I mean, men being abuse victims, and with hc differently I mean that people outright deny that idk jaime was one because he doesn’t realize he was so you have to actually read into the text to realize it, but they can decide he’s not because it requires effort to put it together - or deny sandor was one because we don’t have his pov and we only see his destructive coping methods and so on - with tyrion they can’t because he never lets you forget he was and admitting it is apparently hard, also one of his abusers is a woman and We Do Not Admit That Women Can Be Abusers On Tumblr Dot Com) and who has fucked up but not worse than most people in these books be the audience favorite? WE JUST DON’T KNOW. personally I think he’s pretty damn great and an amazingly conceived/written character (I mean in a series where all the characters weren’t so well-rounded and I didn’t have other people I latched on before that he’d have totally been top three material for me he just got unlucky to be in the one series where everyone is well-rounded and there’s people that I resonate personally more with but really he’s an amazing character all around) and I can’t wait for him to pull his shit together in the next book and possibly get the nice ending he deserves along with better dialogue than d&d gave him, but from there to say he’s a horrible person.... geez. my list of horrible persons in these books runs very long and he’s nowhere near it. ofc he has faults but no character in these books is faultless except maybe gilly, and not even people under the age of twelve are faultless in these books come on. 

[mootmuse]

What I’m going to talk about is in no way meant to demonize these stories or the people who write them. I’m talking about general trends more than individuals, and, rather than trying to say people are wrong wrong wrong, I’m trying to talk about the need for a deeper, more realistic understanding of the realistic issues that fic that mentions this stuff is (intentionally or not) commenting on.

okay. that said, on with the whatever this is. 

it’s been hard for me to get into fic for years, which remains difficult since it’s the only way I have to completely get a break from the world and from myself. i lived on books and then fic for the majority of my life and for years now I have barely ever been able to get into either. today’s ‘this made me think of a permanent and unsolvable issue that i am already aware of’ is a promising-looking dbh fic that ended up containing one of my pet peeves and idk if i can get into the fic now even though this pet peeve is probably just going to be talked about for a couple paragraphs and moved on from

what is that pet peeve? it is the idea that, post game, connor can lovingly nag hank into changing his life and being happier. back when i could rp one of the things i brought to my understanding of how to play hank was my understanding of Feeling Shitty-But-Complex Emotions About Being Alive, so although his circumstances (as well as the details of his condition itself) are very different from mine and I am aware of the danger of identifying Too Much with fictional characters, the false and common (in all fandoms, not just this one) idea that Love Can Fix You really fucked me up when I grew up on fic that so enthusiastically promoted it. so seeing this idea applied to someone who struggles with the kind of things hank does makes it hard for me to get into dbh fic. it’s not the only thing. i’d probably have trouble getting into fic regardless. but this is one obstacle. it surfaces in admittedly very many (if not all) fandoms, but lately i’ve been thinking about how it manifests in this one.

DBH fandom’s iteration of the idea that love conquers all problems inside and out tends to be one where one partner (romantic or otherwise) nagging the other to do something they genuinely don’t want to do (in Hank’s case, to be happy/healthy) is something a person like Hank (or any person?) would respond very well to and a method by which a person’s misery can be solved by something totally outside of them, by the fact that he loves Connor enough to allow connor to run his life. 

so in this version of a happy ending, the self hatred that drives hank to, for example, eat badly, is no obstacle - not compared to Connor’s deep affection for him, or his for Connor - and those deep positive feelings are understood by the story to mean that Hank does not resent the nagging, does not feel infantilized or disrespected by the implication that connor knows what is best for him better than he does. which, to be fair, Connor does - but to simply tell someone you know better than them what they should do without trying to deep-down understand them or listen to them about what issues they want to solve and how they’re comfortable going about solving them is insulting, and I think most of us know how irritating it is when others get all holier-than-thou about how we live our lives, even in those cases when we know we’re doing things the wrong way. loving someone doesn’t mean they don’t piss you off and it doesn’t mean the way they’re going about things isn’t disrespectful, even when they mean well. 

in this version of a happy ending hank makes the changes to his life which connor has wisely decreed that he make. he changes those habits with nothing more than grumbling, and his alcoholism and self hatred and his need to punish himself, rather than being slowly and naturally unraveled by a gradual and painful and ultimately freeing process of change within himself, were never actually obstacles at all. changing his diet and starting to exercise are frustrating, but there is no struggle other than the struggle of changing habits. all hank needed was to care about someone who cared enough about him to take charge of him, which is enough to make all those issues not get in the way of change at all. hank grumbles and deep down, he is grateful, and he acquiesces, and he doesn’t have to recognize his unhealthy behavior for the coping mechanism it is and learn healthier ways to cope but if he did it would be easy, because his self-hatred and stubbornness and depression simply go away. love - and the power of nagging - has conquered his depression and all the issues tied into it. 

whenever i read that - even if it’s in a fic in passing - it really turns me off hard, which is unfortunate because it’s in a lot of the happy ending fics. in fact, it’s in most of them. i tried to write a fic myself illustrating that that kind of change woudl have had to come from inside Hank and that it wouldn’t be simple or easy, but my writing skills were not up to the task. (which I say just to get in front of the ‘write what you want to see’ argument. if i could be writing fiction i would be doing that instead of risking Internet Discourse just so I can briefly feel like I’m talking to someone.) 

Like I said at the beginning of this, I in no way mean to demonize these stories or the people who write them. For one thing, it’s what we’re all taught. It’s a lesson that comes to us from almost every single direction, for years, from childhood onwards. There’s no crime in thinking this particular fantasy is realistic - and there’s no crime in enjoying the fantasy even if you do know it’s not realistic. (Although if that latter is the case, you are not who I am thinking of when writing this.) What I’d love to see change is what seems to me a widespread misunderstanding of these issues that cause me so much pain. 

Fic where love very easily conquers misery is cool and comforting and good, but I’d also like to see more fic that, if Connor does nag Hank to take up healthier habits, recognizes that Hank would realistically not react well, that hank would want to be in control of his own life even if that control means steering his life straight off a cliff. i’d like to see more fic that, if it does include hank changing his habits, tackles the fact that those would be his feelings, and that even after struggling to the point where he does want to be happier and healthier would need to learn alternate coping mechanisms, that he’d need some other way to comfort himself and get relief, and that changing that habit would be difficult not just on a ‘changing habits is frustrating’ level but on an emotional level, where he genuinely finds relief (even if temporary or twisted) from those unhealthy and destructive habits and has to use a lot of willpower not to give in to that feeling. 

I know that fic where a person struggling with what hank struggles with can magically be made happier in the course of a couple paragraphs of changing habits just because someone who loved him made him do it can be comforting. people can find hope in that, and if you do then keep on reading those stories and finding hope in them, because we humans need all the hope that we can get. but i personally find it more comforting, more hopeful, to see someone struggle with the issues that I can’t overcome, seeing someone have a really hard time and work for years - and then begin to come out the other side. What I find hopeful is the idea that someone like  Hank could work for that happy ending and work hard, and then reach it. It would be cool to see that more often than I do, is all. 

[aheavenlyrush]

sorry it took me so long to respond to this, my weekend was hectic and i’m writing this now even though i should definitely be cleaning my flat..... anywayy

i would also love to see alex finding himself, figuring out who he is outside of the military and romantic relationships. s1 only gave us tiny snippets of alex on his own and i’m hoping s2 does better on that front - character-driven shows are just a whole lot better than plot-driven ones and i’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll get more character development than, idk, cool mysteries (looking @ u rob thomas never forgive never forget). i want to see more of alex! i want to see how his ptsd affects him daily, i want to see his coping methods and see him develop new ones that are hopefully more on the healthier side, i want to see him opening up to a friend and letting loose, smiling wide and forgetting about everything but the moment even if just for a second... i want so much for him.

but carina did say alex would have a different romantic interest, as well, right? something about how she’s not going to make alex be alone while michael has a new romantic interest because she’s “not a dick”? pretty sure i read that somewhere, no?

part of what you’re saying seems to be directed at some general opinion in the fandom instead of the things i said and that confuses me a little because i haven’t really taken part in the conversation before and those aren’t my opinions? you know, like i never said alex being with someone else would be unhealthy, a waste of time or him using the other person? however, even if it wasn’t any of those things, doesn’t mean it’d make things better.

i’m coming at this from the point of view where i think alex has just made the decision to really show michael how much he cares about him, to put work into the relationship and to work on his own insecurities at the same time. now, of course michael going to maria is going to fuck things up, epically, but it doesn’t change the frankly monumental shift that alex has gone through. it’s like, alex finally gave himself the permission to want and be wanted and what he wants is michael. after all they’ve gone through, all of the trauma, all of the baggage... it’s michael. and i personally don’t see that changing any time soon even if the (incredibly tiring, i’m already exhausted by the thought of it) love triangle breaks his heart. i guess it comes down to how i see alex as a character - i just don’t think he’d be in the headspace for a new relationship.

someone reblogged this with some very accusatory tags so i feel the need to clarify that just because i don’t think alex would be in the headspace for a new relationship doesn’t mean i want him to spend all of s2 miserable and pining. those aren’t the same thing at all? i don’t think being with maria is going to be this wonderful thing for michael, either. you can’t escape into a relationship and think it’s going to make things better. i mean, you can try, but chances are you’ll end up more lost than ever.

this is so long shdgf congratulations if you managed to read this all the way through... in short, i think we see where they’re at after the finale a little different. like, i don’t think this is michael ‘moving on’ so much as it’s him being so traumatised and confused and scraped empty after everything that he’s taking the escape route. and that’s maria, who’s wonderful and so full of warmth - and though the idea icks me a little, her warmth and presence probably remind him a little of his mom, too, on a subconscious level. i do agree that michael rejecting alex this way matters, of course it does, but i still have a lot of hope for these two. i think they can get through this and come out stronger than ever.

heyy so i saw your tags @acomebackstory under this edit i made and i just, really wanted to comment on this because i have a lot of feelings about alex and michael both. my brain’s mush right now, though, so this is probably going to be a bit all over the place, sorry~~

about their kisses - a lot of feeling packed into those, for sure. on michael’s side, it reads as “he wants me? he wants me. i can have this. i can have it” and there’s a desperation in that especially right after he’s confessed that he never looks away, not really (ghh). michael gives himself over to alex, can’t seem to do anything but. alex? ah, man. alex holds back so much, he’s terrified of the kind of emotional honesty michael projects around him and he wants to give some of that back, but it’s like he doesn’t know how to hold himself together if he does. to me, alex reads as “i want this, but i can’t do this, i don’t know how to". still, he tries.

so we have michael, who throws himself into things with the kind of recklessness that shows how much of a priority his own well-being is (it isn’t). the protective layer around him is so thin it’s basically non-existent and he talks about his terrible childhood fairly openly but by making a joke of himself at the same time, e.g. “as a kid i used to desperately wish someone would come and take me home, lmao what an idiot huh”. i mean, who needs to deal with trauma when you can make fun of it and act like it’s all in the past so it’s whatever, right? michael throws his vulnerability in your face and absolutely expects you to spit it right back at him. i think he always expected alex to leave because he always expects to be left alone.

and we have alex, who has layers and layers of protection stacked on top of each other. they’ve been absolutely necessary for his survival but as they’ve kept him from falling apart, they’re also making it impossible for him to move on and deal with his trauma in any way. you can’t keep trauma separate from yourself like that, it’s going to fester under the surface and wait for that moment   your defenses have been lowered even just a little bit. and that. that’s definitely part of why alex pushes michael away. michael gets through to him and if he loses control, is it all going to come crashing down on him? it’s a very real fear and it’s not unfounded.

the root of the problem isn’t their relationship at all and that’s why i don’t think it’d do much good for alex (or michael, for that matter) to just go kiss other people. i mean yeah, kissing is nice, and it sure would be nice and uncomplicated with someone other than michael, at least for a little while. if it ever took a turn into something more serious? the same problems would still be there. vulnerability would still be painful.

this is not to say that michael and alex couldn’t work on their trauma while being with someone else, they definitely could. i’m just saying i don’t think being with someone else would make things better, especially considering the fact that they both do love each other. is love enough? no. you also need to communicate and put work into your relationship. what i really want is for them to get therapy, right now. some of their trauma is shared, too, and i think it’d be beneficial for both of them to go through it together. underneath all the bullshit, they (the pieces) want to be together. that matters.

[oovitus]

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief.

Early in their marriage, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, inspired him to take better care of himself and prioritize health and fitness. Later, after tragedy struck, Dan had to get through his grief and find the strength to stay the course for the most important reason of all: his kids.

++++

One day, in the late 1990s, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, took him aside.

Dan had been overeating, turning to food for comfort during times of stress, and he was negIecting his health. Worried for his well-being, Susan encouraged him to make some changes.

“I was probably 40 or 50 pounds overweight at that point,” Dan, of Calgary, Canada, remembers.

“My wife, bless her heart, sat me down and said, ‘I’m concerned about you and I want you to be healthy.’ And that was great. It gave me a great kick in the backside, and I did get rid of all that weight, and maintained the weight loss for quite some time.”

Dan and his family before his wife, Susan, got sick.

Then, in 2011, something terrible happened.

Susan was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. After multiple surgeries and extensive chemotherapy, she entered a major depression due to sleep problems and anxiety.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, in August of 2012 Susan took her own life. It was unexpected and traumatic for Dan and their five children.

After losing Susan, 40-year-old Dan knew it was going to be challenging not only to work through his own grief, but also to take care of their five kids, dog, and the family business. But he made a decision.

“The minute I knew that the suicide had happened in our family, I felt it was my mission in life to take care of our kids.”

“I didn’t want this to define them in a negative way. I had to be there for them,” Dan says.

Dan did what he needed to do to help himself and the family cope. One of his best outlets was exercise, particularly CrossFit.

But after a couple years, Dan’s old patterns of emotional eating returned.

Once again, Dan turned to food for comfort.

He found himself reaching for a beer or glass of wine each night. And social situations became excuses to overeat. After a while, he could feel his weight creeping up.

“When you have to track off to buy new jeans, it’s like, ‘Okay. Problem,’” he laughs.

Joking aside, Dan took his weight gain seriously. He knew the importance of taking care of his own mental and physical health.

When Dan saw the scale moving into the 220s, he had a “moment of truth.”

Dan thought about his kids and his personal mission to support them. “I thought, ‘If I keep going down this road, I’m not going to be a good dad.’”

And he thought about Susan. “If she would have been here, she would have intervened,” says Dan.

“But, she wasn’t. So it was one of these moments where it’s like, ‘Well, I gotta step up and do this on my own, I guess. For my kids. And for myself, too.’”

Dan’s late wife, Susan, continues to inspire his efforts to stay healthy and fit, for himself and especially for their five kids.

Dan considered his options. He could do a six-week transformation challenge of some kind, but then the results wouldn’t last. Besides, he knew he needed some support and accountability.

He’d been following Dr. John Berardi and Precision Nutrition for some time, so he took the plunge and signed up for Precision Nutrition Coaching.

With PN, Dan was able to reset his old patterns of comfort eating, and practice new, healthier strategies.

“The program vastly expanded my toolkit of knowing what to do, and the practical ability to do it,” he explains.

Dan was committed and consistent with the program from the get-go. He found the daily check-ins and the ability to track his progress immensely helpful.

“If there’s numbers, I do well,” Dan says. “Give me a set of numbers and tell me to get from A to B, and I’m going to work hard to do it.”

And that’s exactly what he did.

Of course, we all need a little extra support sometimes, and Dan was no exception.

After a few months of steady weight loss, he found himself at a plateau, and reached out to his PN coach, Calvin, who provided some simple “suggestions and tweaks” to help Dan keep moving forward.

Then, toward the end of the PN Coaching program, Dan broke his wrist during a CrossFit class. Despite this extra challenge, Dan managed to stay consistent with his habits.

Once again, the combination of daily accountability, support from Coach Calvin, and the ability to track his progress helped Dan stay the course.

The results of that commitment? Dan lost 30 pounds, and gained lifestyle strategies to keep himself healthy and fit — inside and out.

“I appreciate the change the program made for me in appearance, and more importantly, my overall mindset.”

When Dan looks back, he’s glad he course-corrected in order to stay true to his mission of taking care of his kids.

“You do need to stop and take inventory once in a while,” he reflects. “Have those conversations with yourself about the general trends of things in your life.

“Whether it be weight, or mental health, or your habits… take some time to confront those things, and search for help with them.”

He adds, “and if there is coaching help available, make use of it. Coaching is such an asset.”

Today, Dan’s kids are all thriving, and he even has a new member of the family: his first grandchild.

All thriving, Dan and his kids goofed off during a family photo shoot recently.

Of course, coaching can’t magically eradicate grief. Change takes time, and so does healing.

“I’ve learned there are certain things that you have to allow time to get through, and you can’t exactly hurry them up,” Dan acknowledges. “But, with that said, there are things that you can do that will help.”

“The main thing to remember,” says Dan, “it’s that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Want help overcoming your health and fitness barriers?

Most people know that regular movement, eating well, sleep, and stress management are important for looking and feeling better. Yet they need help applying that knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

Over the past 15 years, we’ve used the Precision Nutrition Coaching method to help over 100,000 clients lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… for the long-term… no matter what challenges they’re dealing with.

It’s also why we work with health, fitness, and wellness professionals (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on Wednesday, January 9th, 2019.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

The post Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. published first on https://storeseapharmacy.tumblr.com

[foursprouthealth-blog]

5 Ways to Stop Grinding Your Teeth (That Don't Involve a Mouth Guard)

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/health/5-ways-to-stop-grinding-your-teeth-that-dont-involve-a-mouth-guard/

5 Ways to Stop Grinding Your Teeth (That Don't Involve a Mouth Guard)

One night last year, after a long day at a work conference, I got back to my hotel room to eat dinner and discovered, to my horror, that I couldn’t open my mouth. It just… wouldn’t open. Fortunately, this bizarre episode didn’t last long—the evening ended with me managing to painfully pry my jaw open about half an inch, which was enough to force-feed myself a plate of room-service pasta… glamorous #BusinessTripLife, right?

To my surprise, I later learned that the symptoms were caused by grinding my teeth in my sleep—something I didn’t even know I had been doing. Teeth grinding, also called bruxism, is startlingly common: Some metrics estimate that this repetitive, involuntary movement, a clenching of the jaw muscles, can affect up to 16 percent of the population. Some people grind their teeth during the day, but many do so in their sleep—often without even realizing it’s happening.

While there are different medical explanations as to why bruxism happens, and each case is different, most experts trace the majority of their clients’ cases back to either a bite imbalance or stress. “Grinding one’s teeth is a way your body is coping with stress,” says Kruti Patel, D.M.D. “It releases an endorphin in your brain, which makes your brain feel good, and you continue to grind.”

How bad is grinding your teeth, really?

Since teeth grinding is so common, it’s easy to assume that it’s nothing more than a minor annoyance. Sure, there are those wild cases of people forced into dentures at 50, you might tell yourself, but for most people, it doesn’t really matter, right? Well, kind of. The extreme cases are rare, but according to the experts, grinding on a regular basis is definitely not ideal.

Extreme cases are called “extreme” for a reason—they don’t happen to everyone. If you only grind your teeth occasionally, you may never develop any dental issues from it. Even regular grinders aren’t necessarily doomed to early dentures, but consistent grinding over time can lead to pretty intense dental wear and tear. You could experience tooth cracking, bone loss around the roots of your teeth, and sometimes even loss of the teeth themselves. “Excessive force on your teeth can cause cracks in your teeth,” Patel says. “Depending on the crack, you may need anywhere from a filling to an extraction.”

You may also experience enamel loss. “Once enamel is lost, it is lost forever,” says Robert C. Rawdin, D.D.S., co-owner of Gallery 57 Dental in Manhattan. “It can only be restored through the restoration of the teeth.” Restoration involves the use of methods like bonding, porcelain crowns, or veneers.

Tooth grinding can also lead to pain in the joints around your jaw, as well as migraines caused by the exertion of your jaw muscles. Ron Rosenthal, D.D.S., a retired dentist and dental educator, explains the migraine-bruxism connection by comparing the experience to a leg cramp—only way worse.

“The chewing muscles are the strongest in the body,” Rosenthal says. “They are far more powerful than the calf muscle in your leg. If you’re like most of us, you’ve had a leg cramp at some time or other. It felt kind of like someone stabbed you in the calf muscle with an ice pick, right? Remember, the calf muscle is nowhere near as powerful as the chewing muscles—now, imagine that same kind of spasm in the chewing muscles on the side of your head.”

Oof. Is your jaw hurting yet?

When it comes to treatment, lots of dentists recommend custom-made night guards to wear when you sleep, which can buffer your teeth from the damage of the grinding. You can also buy night guards off the rack at a store, but they haven’t been fitted to your individual bite, so you might not see the same results. That said, there are some dentists who feel that the results of night guards aren’t worth the trouble, and if your bruxism is triggered by a bite problem rather than stress, they might opt to focus on dental intervention that can correct an unbalanced bite.

EDITOR’S PICK

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“The jaw muscles want to be in a comfortable orientation,” says Benjamin Lawlor, D.D.S., of Maine Cosmetic Dentistry. “When this doesn’t happen, the muscles will uneasily shift back and forth trying to find that comfortable position.” As you can imagine, this leads to grinding and pain—so if your dentist can get to the root of the problem by helping you adjust your bite, it’s probably worthwhile.

There are other potential solutions—if you’ve got an open mind.

When it comes to bruxism that’s triggered by stress, there are all kinds of wacky remedies that have been tried to varying success. Some of these options are backed by solid research, while others are just beginning to be explored, although there’s reason to believe they can work. Here are a handful of promising solutions for teeth grinding—and info about the current research surrounding each.

1. Botox

Yep, really! While Botox won’t “cure” grinding, it can drastically reduce the symptoms for some patients, and each treatment lasts for several months. It’s not a fit for everyone, and it’s a bit divisive among experts, but some bruxism sufferers have described Botox as life-changing. The solution can paralyze or slow the activity of some of the muscles around your jaw—which can lead to a whole lot less pain from clenching or grinding.

“For nocturnal teeth grinding, I inject a small amount of Botox into the masseter muscle—the big round muscle under the ears at the angle of the jaw you can feel when you bite down with your mouth closed,” explains Charles Crutchfield, M.D., clinical professor of dermatology and medical director at Crutchfield Dermatology. “It does not work for everyone,” he says. “But in my experience, it gives significant relief to about three-quarters of those who suffer from teeth grinding during sleep and wake up with sore jaws and headaches.”

Plenty of professionals are recommending Botox these days, but others aren’t convinced. One dentist even laughed when I asked him if he’d ever recommend the treatment. Early research isn’t very substantial on either side of the debate just yet, but it’s worth noting that two small studies pointed to Botox as a positive option, with one noting that Botox “effectively and safely improved sleep bruxism.”

On the other hand, another small study found that Botox led to bone density loss in rabbits. (Reminder: You are not a rabbit, and non-human studies should be taken with a small bucket of salt.) All in all, just be sure to consult with a dentist or medical professional before you try it.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy is a form of short-term talk therapy that explores the thoughts behind your behaviors and feelings. CBT helps you build healthier habits and thought associations to empower you to ditch negative patterns in your life.

Initial research has hinted that CBT could help with treating bruxism, but more data is needed to find a conclusive and clear connection. “CBT may help treat underlying anxiety that causes bruxism, but a night guard definitely helps protect against the consequences,” says psychiatrist Sandip Buch, M.D. CBT, founder of Skypiatrist.

This form of therapy can be incredibly effective when it comes to managing stress and breaking unwanted habits, so as you can imagine, it has the potential to be a good fit for stress-fueled bruxism.

3. Hypnosis

According to the Bruxism Association, research has indicated that hypnosis has had a positive impact on some bruxism suffers for more than two years after treatment. Like other treatments, hypnosis might not work for everyone, but if you’re down to “get sleepy… very sleepy,” it could be worth a shot. You can undergo hypnosis in person—or, if you’re looking for something more low-key, you can download or buy hypnosis recordings created especially for bruxism.

4. Tapping

Tapping, also known as the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is a therapeutic method of “psychological acupressure” that takes its cue from certain key facets of acupuncture. Instead of acupuncture needles, the treatment involves tapping with your fingers on designated pressure points on your body. Many bruxism sufferers have said it works wonders, but there’s not much research on the topic. Research has found, however, that EFT is beneficial in treating PTSD, so there’s certainly a possibility that it could help with stress-related habits as well.

5. General De-Stressing

Because teeth grinding can be driven by stress, both physicians and more holistic-leaning practitioners have suggested relaxing at night. “Find ways to relax and de-stress before bed, such as getting a massage, using a warm compress, and avoiding alcohol and caffeine,” says certified personal trainer Caleb Backe of Maple Holistics. Yoga, stretching, meditation, or any kind of self-care routine you’d usually use to de-stress is a good bet.

Claire Hannum is an NYC-based writer, editor, and traveler.

[graciedroweuk]

A History of Dieting as Told Through GIFs

In numerous techniques, we ought to usually ponder ourselves lucky that lots of individuals attempt to notice our fat. Human historical past for almost all, obtaining adequate to consume hasbeen additional of the dilemma. The stark reality is, it the ideal decide sophisticated to 1 factor significantly additional svelte.

And we’ve been fat-lowering strategy since. Nevertheless have now been actually effective? From slimming products to drinks that are unskilled, listed below are numerous shows of the quantity of the absolute most intriguing food regime habits within the prior 200 decades, educated of the way in which for the reason that Oh so-fashionable: by way of GIF’s.

THE 1800s: FOOD WITH OBJECTIVE

Sooner than it switched integrated to America’s favorite fire cope with, the graham cracker was one of the most significant first consuming regime foods. Developed by a Brand New Jersey reverend — the not-thus-coincidentally named Sylvester — these tasty treats have now been created using whole-feed flour as a substitute of the white-flour that was processed which was typical about the period. Graham produced a more hearty biscuit with no elements and flour, which he thought to be significantly better than white-bread. He wasn’t false. Nevertheless sorry, campers: That furthermore doesn’t create s’mores a wellness foods.

MAGICAL PILLS AND PRODUCTS

Inside the 1800s, pills, tonics and products containing arsenic switched increasingly more prevalent due to the state they removed the appearance and assisted boost the metabolism. Even though volume of arsenic utilized was little, therefore it my work faster people maintained to consider more than the advantageous dose. Unwanted effects that were unpleasant incorporated diarrhea, stomach pains hair thinning which permanent scenario known as desperate.

CELEBRITY DIET 100 plus one: LORD BYRON

Prolonged sooner than Khloé Kardashian started posting her workouts on Snapchat, the famous poet Lord Byron furthermore labored difficult to look after his system: light and thin, believed-about “trendy” through the first nineteenth-century. He stated he’d a “morbid tendency to fatten , to “Energy & Corsets” by Foxcroft. Totally afraid to be fats, Byron began to deprive herself, sticking with meals like soda-water and cookies and considered himself generally, carrots soaked as a substitute of foods with vinegar. He was therefore culturally important he was charged of stimulating newer people not to exclusively worry about fat but additionally to adhere to his uncommon food regime designs — as well as eating vinegar to fall lbs.

LOW CARBS WAY AHEAD OF THEIR TIME

Inside the 1860s, a Birmingham carpenter called William Banting experienced bad vision and hearing, various wellness factors he thought and leg problems stemmed from his fat. Their consuming regime method focused on beef and eating vegetables, while preventing pastry bakery and carrots. He were able to observe results inside some times, greatly improving his wellness and fundamentally shedding 50 lbs. Then he unveiled his program in a entitled “A Notice on Corpulence,” and, for some decades after, “weight-decrease plan” furthermore was often known as “banting” in Britain and the U.S.

THE FIRST 1900s: CHEW IT AGAIN, MIKE

About the twentieth century’s switch, National businessman Horace Fletcher recommended eating every mouthful of foods a small inside the expectations of removing each bit of supplement from this each minute, of 1 hundred events, sooner than taking. This switched often known as “Fletcherism,” and he gained the nickname “the Nice Masticator.” which should explain each one of these incredible jawbones in early silent movies.

THE Nineteen Twenties-50s: A LOT OF REDUCED-FAT DEVELOPMENTS

Ads for Lucky Hit cigarettes carried the mantra “Attain to get a Lucky as a substitute of the candy” from eating way too many power to decrease people. Due to the hunger-controlling power of smoking, all of the trend switched amongst the ones that had a need to notice their numbers. Nearly nothing is endorsed by MyFitnessPal with this section.

Inside the Nineteen Thirties, the Grapefruit weight loss program (also known as “the Hollywood Consuming regimen”) known as for eating half of a grapefruit sooner than each dinner. The fruit’s fiber and fluid assisted to load you up, as well as you’d consume much-less, lowering your consumption of calories. The down side? Grapefruit with each dinner acquired uber dull, and a lot of people had trouble sticking with it.

Inside the Nineteen Sixties, the Cabbage Soup weight reduction plan guaranteed people may shed around 15 lbs in most week-by eating cabbage soup evening-after-day — similar to the Grapefruit weight loss program, fiber and fluid executed a component in preventing you from eating too much of. This nevertheless remains a well-preferred diet trend instantly — although you’re most probably additional more prone to obvious an area than fall some lbs.

THE Nineteen-Sixties-70s: SNACKS, DRINKS AND QUICK FIX TABLETS

Beginning inside the ’60s, medicines began increasing like a food regime application that was favorite — the Eating regimen” due to using sedatives recommended resting around 20 hours each day to stay away from eating. (Elvis Presley was allegedly a lover.) Inside the ’70s, Dr. Sanford Siegel released the Dessert weight loss program to Hollywood, the area six snacks comprising a specific mixture of proteins might constitute your day’s consumption of calories. The fat-lowering strategy assisted by changing lunchtime and breakfast using their drinks its fans produce a fat debt. From the the surface of the last decade, cupboards started initially to load with Dexatrim, a weight loss program tablet created using phenylpropanolamine (which fundamentally was associated with an increased swing risk, resulting in a alter two decades later).

THE Nineteen-Eighties: LET’S OBTAIN BODILY

The exceptional ’80s observed an uptick in cardio practice, due to films from Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons, and also the starting of Jazzercise galleries in most 50 states. The last decade’s consuming regime habits maintained around, and also a rise was furthermore observed by the ’80s inside low’s trustworthiness – LDL-cholesterol and fats -free foods like margarine – snacks that were free. Study later asked the credibility of the fats-free philosophy — America observed a rise in unhealthy weight and diabetes towards the most effective of the final decade and in to the early Nineteen-Nineties. Totally fake.

THE Nineteen Nineties: GOING LOW CARB INSANE

C. Atkins produced his eponymous eating regime inside the early ’70s, nevertheless it didn’t proceed viral (in a pre-viral globe) until he unveiled a type of it in his 1992 book, “Dr. Atkins’ Meals regimen Revolution.” The Atkins Food regimen was one of the most significant fashionable advocates of the exorbitant-protein technique and started the “low-carb” trend, with the South Seaside Food regimen and Area Eating regime. While “Pals” celebrity Jennifer Aniston established an additional svelte system inside the off, it had been mostly related to the Area Eating regime. (Home compulsive-compulsiveness, meanwhile, remains mostly related to Monica Geller.)

THE 2000s: GWYNETH AND BEYONCÉ CREATED ME GET IT DONE

Celebrity-recommended diets really required middle phase inside the new century, with Gwyneth Paltrow accrediting her slender decide towards the high-fiber, reduced-fats Macrobiotic Eating regime: meticulously created foods of whole cereals, greens, beans and ocean greens. In 2004 Guiliano, then-ceo of the house Veuve Clicquot, unveiled the e-book “French Girls Don’t Get ” providing women in all locations aspire they may be thin while nevertheless enjoying cheese. (There’s a Lord!) In 2006, Beyoncé Knowles accepted to utilising the Understanding Clean — a food regime containing exclusively of the beverage item of sizzling water, orange juice, walnut syrup and pepper — to help her in shedding 20 lbs on her placement inside the movie “Dreamgirls.” As Well As In 2009, the Kardashians recommended QuickTrim, a weight loss program tablet that stated to enhance weight-reduction.

Finally, we’ve reached our eating regime panorama that was existing. You will find nevertheless a number of dubious habits on the marketplace — similar to the questionable HCG fat-reduction strategy, making utilization of a fertility medication and extreme calorie-restriction, or juicing loved from the movie “Fats, Ill and Nearly Useless,” which recorded Joe Cross’ individual 60-evening liquid fast and following weight decrease.

Luckily, plenty of at diets for weight-reduction are additional life-style adjustments which can be aimed at common well precisely and being, obvious eating – supplement that is completed. Kale switched the poster veggie for anyone who had a need to consume much healthier. Natural foods have become increasingly more typical as they’re uncooked and natural. Gluten-free vegetarian and diets have spread. And also the CrossFit group loved the Paleolithic, or “Paleo,” fat-lowering strategy, focusing consuming real, noncultivated foods: beef, almonds, eggs, vegetables, seafood and fruits — nevertheless no cereals, milk or processed sugar.  

What exactly have we found by means of all of this? Fat-lowering strategy improvements can come and proceed, nevertheless there isn’t just one way of shedding lbs that’ll work with everyone. Supplement and typical practice perform with crucial functions within our common wellness — not merely our waistlines — therefore it’s an incredible idea to do only a little bit of analysis whether that fat that is fresh -lowering strategy is merely nonsense.

Require help identifying the area to begin? Have a look as of this wording on ways to Consume Just Like A Lucrative MyFitnessPal Customer

The submit A background of Fat- Armour was appeared on by lowering strategy as Educated Via GIFs.

from network 4 http://www.church-papers.com/a-history-of-dieting-as-told-through-gifs/

[angstandhappiness]

Nice

Them Martin genes strong af it seems

[oovitus]

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief.

Early in their marriage, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, inspired him to take better care of himself and prioritize health and fitness. Later, after tragedy struck, Dan had to get through his grief and find the strength to stay the course for the most important reason of all: his kids.

++++

One day, in the late 1990s, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, took him aside.

Dan had been overeating, turning to food for comfort during times of stress, and he was negIecting his health. Worried for his well-being, Susan encouraged him to make some changes.

“I was probably 40 or 50 pounds overweight at that point,” Dan, of Calgary, Canada, remembers.

“My wife, bless her heart, sat me down and said, ‘I’m concerned about you and I want you to be healthy.’ And that was great. It gave me a great kick in the backside, and I did get rid of all that weight, and maintained the weight loss for quite some time.”

Dan and his family before his wife, Susan, got sick.

Then, in 2011, something terrible happened.

Susan was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. After multiple surgeries and extensive chemotherapy, she entered a major depression due to sleep problems and anxiety.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, in August of 2012 Susan took her own life. It was unexpected and traumatic for Dan and their five children.

After losing Susan, 40-year-old Dan knew it was going to be challenging not only to work through his own grief, but also to take care of their five kids, dog, and the family business. But he made a decision.

“The minute I knew that the suicide had happened in our family, I felt it was my mission in life to take care of our kids.”

“I didn’t want this to define them in a negative way. I had to be there for them,” Dan says.

Dan did what he needed to do to help himself and the family cope. One of his best outlets was exercise, particularly CrossFit.

But after a couple years, Dan’s old patterns of emotional eating returned.

Once again, Dan turned to food for comfort.

He found himself reaching for a beer or glass of wine each night. And social situations became excuses to overeat. After a while, he could feel his weight creeping up.

“When you have to track off to buy new jeans, it’s like, ‘Okay. Problem,’” he laughs.

Joking aside, Dan took his weight gain seriously. He knew the importance of taking care of his own mental and physical health.

When Dan saw the scale moving into the 220s, he had a “moment of truth.”

Dan thought about his kids and his personal mission to support them. “I thought, ‘If I keep going down this road, I’m not going to be a good dad.’”

And he thought about Susan. “If she would have been here, she would have intervened,” says Dan.

“But, she wasn’t. So it was one of these moments where it’s like, ‘Well, I gotta step up and do this on my own, I guess. For my kids. And for myself, too.’”

Dan’s late wife, Susan, continues to inspire his efforts to stay healthy and fit, for himself and especially for their five kids.

Dan considered his options. He could do a six-week transformation challenge of some kind, but then the results wouldn’t last. Besides, he knew he needed some support and accountability.

He’d been following Dr. John Berardi and Precision Nutrition for some time, so he took the plunge and signed up for Precision Nutrition Coaching.

With PN, Dan was able to reset his old patterns of comfort eating, and practice new, healthier strategies.

“The program vastly expanded my toolkit of knowing what to do, and the practical ability to do it,” he explains.

Dan was committed and consistent with the program from the get-go. He found the daily check-ins and the ability to track his progress immensely helpful.

“If there’s numbers, I do well,” Dan says. “Give me a set of numbers and tell me to get from A to B, and I’m going to work hard to do it.”

And that’s exactly what he did.

Of course, we all need a little extra support sometimes, and Dan was no exception.

After a few months of steady weight loss, he found himself at a plateau, and reached out to his PN coach, Calvin, who provided some simple “suggestions and tweaks” to help Dan keep moving forward.

Then, toward the end of the PN Coaching program, Dan broke his wrist during a CrossFit class. Despite this extra challenge, Dan managed to stay consistent with his habits.

Once again, the combination of daily accountability, support from Coach Calvin, and the ability to track his progress helped Dan stay the course.

The results of that commitment? Dan lost 30 pounds, and gained lifestyle strategies to keep himself healthy and fit — inside and out.

“I appreciate the change the program made for me in appearance, and more importantly, my overall mindset.”

When Dan looks back, he’s glad he course-corrected in order to stay true to his mission of taking care of his kids.

“You do need to stop and take inventory once in a while,” he reflects. “Have those conversations with yourself about the general trends of things in your life.

“Whether it be weight, or mental health, or your habits… take some time to confront those things, and search for help with them.”

He adds, “and if there is coaching help available, make use of it. Coaching is such an asset.”

Today, Dan’s kids are all thriving, and he even has a new member of the family: his first grandchild.

All thriving, Dan and his kids goofed off during a family photo shoot recently.

Of course, coaching can’t magically eradicate grief. Change takes time, and so does healing.

“I’ve learned there are certain things that you have to allow time to get through, and you can’t exactly hurry them up,” Dan acknowledges. “But, with that said, there are things that you can do that will help.”

“The main thing to remember,” says Dan, “it’s that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Want help overcoming your health and fitness barriers?

Most people know that regular movement, eating well, sleep, and stress management are important for looking and feeling better. Yet they need help applying that knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

Over the past 15 years, we’ve used the Precision Nutrition Coaching method to help over 100,000 clients lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… for the long-term… no matter what challenges they’re dealing with.

It’s also why we work with health, fitness, and wellness professionals (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on Wednesday, January 9th, 2019.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

The post Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. published first on

[oovitus]

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief.

Early in their marriage, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, inspired him to take better care of himself and prioritize health and fitness. Later, after tragedy struck, Dan had to get through his grief and find the strength to stay the course for the most important reason of all: his kids.

++++

One day, in the late 1990s, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, took him aside.

Dan had been overeating, turning to food for comfort during times of stress, and he was negIecting his health. Worried for his well-being, Susan encouraged him to make some changes.

“I was probably 40 or 50 pounds overweight at that point,” Dan, of Calgary, Canada, remembers.

“My wife, bless her heart, sat me down and said, ‘I’m concerned about you and I want you to be healthy.’ And that was great. It gave me a great kick in the backside, and I did get rid of all that weight, and maintained the weight loss for quite some time.”

Dan and his family before his wife, Susan, got sick.

Then, in 2011, something terrible happened.

Susan was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. After multiple surgeries and extensive chemotherapy, she entered a major depression due to sleep problems and anxiety.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, in August of 2012 Susan took her own life. It was unexpected and traumatic for Dan and their five children.

After losing Susan, 40-year-old Dan knew it was going to be challenging not only to work through his own grief, but also to take care of their five kids, dog, and the family business. But he made a decision.

“The minute I knew that the suicide had happened in our family, I felt it was my mission in life to take care of our kids.”

“I didn’t want this to define them in a negative way. I had to be there for them,” Dan says.

Dan did what he needed to do to help himself and the family cope. One of his best outlets was exercise, particularly CrossFit.

But after a couple years, Dan’s old patterns of emotional eating returned.

Once again, Dan turned to food for comfort.

He found himself reaching for a beer or glass of wine each night. And social situations became excuses to overeat. After a while, he could feel his weight creeping up.

“When you have to track off to buy new jeans, it’s like, ‘Okay. Problem,’” he laughs.

Joking aside, Dan took his weight gain seriously. He knew the importance of taking care of his own mental and physical health.

When Dan saw the scale moving into the 220s, he had a “moment of truth.”

Dan thought about his kids and his personal mission to support them. “I thought, ‘If I keep going down this road, I’m not going to be a good dad.’”

And he thought about Susan. “If she would have been here, she would have intervened,” says Dan.

“But, she wasn’t. So it was one of these moments where it’s like, ‘Well, I gotta step up and do this on my own, I guess. For my kids. And for myself, too.’”

Dan’s late wife, Susan, continues to inspire his efforts to stay healthy and fit, for himself and especially for their five kids.

Dan considered his options. He could do a six-week transformation challenge of some kind, but then the results wouldn’t last. Besides, he knew he needed some support and accountability.

He’d been following Dr. John Berardi and Precision Nutrition for some time, so he took the plunge and signed up for Precision Nutrition Coaching.

With PN, Dan was able to reset his old patterns of comfort eating, and practice new, healthier strategies.

“The program vastly expanded my toolkit of knowing what to do, and the practical ability to do it,” he explains.

Dan was committed and consistent with the program from the get-go. He found the daily check-ins and the ability to track his progress immensely helpful.

“If there’s numbers, I do well,” Dan says. “Give me a set of numbers and tell me to get from A to B, and I’m going to work hard to do it.”

And that’s exactly what he did.

Of course, we all need a little extra support sometimes, and Dan was no exception.

After a few months of steady weight loss, he found himself at a plateau, and reached out to his PN coach, Calvin, who provided some simple “suggestions and tweaks” to help Dan keep moving forward.

Then, toward the end of the PN Coaching program, Dan broke his wrist during a CrossFit class. Despite this extra challenge, Dan managed to stay consistent with his habits.

Once again, the combination of daily accountability, support from Coach Calvin, and the ability to track his progress helped Dan stay the course.

The results of that commitment? Dan lost 30 pounds, and gained lifestyle strategies to keep himself healthy and fit — inside and out.

“I appreciate the change the program made for me in appearance, and more importantly, my overall mindset.”

When Dan looks back, he’s glad he course-corrected in order to stay true to his mission of taking care of his kids.

“You do need to stop and take inventory once in a while,” he reflects. “Have those conversations with yourself about the general trends of things in your life.

“Whether it be weight, or mental health, or your habits… take some time to confront those things, and search for help with them.”

He adds, “and if there is coaching help available, make use of it. Coaching is such an asset.”

Today, Dan’s kids are all thriving, and he even has a new member of the family: his first grandchild.

All thriving, Dan and his kids goofed off during a family photo shoot recently.

Of course, coaching can’t magically eradicate grief. Change takes time, and so does healing.

“I’ve learned there are certain things that you have to allow time to get through, and you can’t exactly hurry them up,” Dan acknowledges. “But, with that said, there are things that you can do that will help.”

“The main thing to remember,” says Dan, “it’s that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Want help overcoming your health and fitness barriers?

Most people know that regular movement, eating well, sleep, and stress management are important for looking and feeling better. Yet they need help applying that knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

Over the past 15 years, we’ve used the Precision Nutrition Coaching method to help over 100,000 clients lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… for the long-term… no matter what challenges they’re dealing with.

It’s also why we work with health, fitness, and wellness professionals (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on Wednesday, January 9th, 2019.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

The post Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. published first on

[oovitus]

Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief.

Early in their marriage, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, inspired him to take better care of himself and prioritize health and fitness. Later, after tragedy struck, Dan had to get through his grief and find the strength to stay the course for the most important reason of all: his kids.

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One day, in the late 1990s, Dan Hibbert’s wife, Susan, took him aside.

Dan had been overeating, turning to food for comfort during times of stress, and he was negIecting his health. Worried for his well-being, Susan encouraged him to make some changes.

“I was probably 40 or 50 pounds overweight at that point,” Dan, of Calgary, Canada, remembers.

“My wife, bless her heart, sat me down and said, ‘I’m concerned about you and I want you to be healthy.’ And that was great. It gave me a great kick in the backside, and I did get rid of all that weight, and maintained the weight loss for quite some time.”

Dan and his family before his wife, Susan, got sick.

Then, in 2011, something terrible happened.

Susan was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. After multiple surgeries and extensive chemotherapy, she entered a major depression due to sleep problems and anxiety.

Despite everyone’s best efforts, in August of 2012 Susan took her own life. It was unexpected and traumatic for Dan and their five children.

After losing Susan, 40-year-old Dan knew it was going to be challenging not only to work through his own grief, but also to take care of their five kids, dog, and the family business. But he made a decision.

“The minute I knew that the suicide had happened in our family, I felt it was my mission in life to take care of our kids.”

“I didn’t want this to define them in a negative way. I had to be there for them,” Dan says.

Dan did what he needed to do to help himself and the family cope. One of his best outlets was exercise, particularly CrossFit.

But after a couple years, Dan’s old patterns of emotional eating returned.

Once again, Dan turned to food for comfort.

He found himself reaching for a beer or glass of wine each night. And social situations became excuses to overeat. After a while, he could feel his weight creeping up.

“When you have to track off to buy new jeans, it’s like, ‘Okay. Problem,’” he laughs.

Joking aside, Dan took his weight gain seriously. He knew the importance of taking care of his own mental and physical health.

When Dan saw the scale moving into the 220s, he had a “moment of truth.”

Dan thought about his kids and his personal mission to support them. “I thought, ‘If I keep going down this road, I’m not going to be a good dad.’”

And he thought about Susan. “If she would have been here, she would have intervened,” says Dan.

“But, she wasn’t. So it was one of these moments where it’s like, ‘Well, I gotta step up and do this on my own, I guess. For my kids. And for myself, too.’”

Dan’s late wife, Susan, continues to inspire his efforts to stay healthy and fit, for himself and especially for their five kids.

Dan considered his options. He could do a six-week transformation challenge of some kind, but then the results wouldn’t last. Besides, he knew he needed some support and accountability.

He’d been following Dr. John Berardi and Precision Nutrition for some time, so he took the plunge and signed up for Precision Nutrition Coaching.

With PN, Dan was able to reset his old patterns of comfort eating, and practice new, healthier strategies.

“The program vastly expanded my toolkit of knowing what to do, and the practical ability to do it,” he explains.

Dan was committed and consistent with the program from the get-go. He found the daily check-ins and the ability to track his progress immensely helpful.

“If there’s numbers, I do well,” Dan says. “Give me a set of numbers and tell me to get from A to B, and I’m going to work hard to do it.”

And that’s exactly what he did.

Of course, we all need a little extra support sometimes, and Dan was no exception.

After a few months of steady weight loss, he found himself at a plateau, and reached out to his PN coach, Calvin, who provided some simple “suggestions and tweaks” to help Dan keep moving forward.

Then, toward the end of the PN Coaching program, Dan broke his wrist during a CrossFit class. Despite this extra challenge, Dan managed to stay consistent with his habits.

Once again, the combination of daily accountability, support from Coach Calvin, and the ability to track his progress helped Dan stay the course.

The results of that commitment? Dan lost 30 pounds, and gained lifestyle strategies to keep himself healthy and fit — inside and out.

“I appreciate the change the program made for me in appearance, and more importantly, my overall mindset.”

When Dan looks back, he’s glad he course-corrected in order to stay true to his mission of taking care of his kids.

“You do need to stop and take inventory once in a while,” he reflects. “Have those conversations with yourself about the general trends of things in your life.

“Whether it be weight, or mental health, or your habits… take some time to confront those things, and search for help with them.”

He adds, “and if there is coaching help available, make use of it. Coaching is such an asset.”

Today, Dan’s kids are all thriving, and he even has a new member of the family: his first grandchild.

All thriving, Dan and his kids goofed off during a family photo shoot recently.

Of course, coaching can’t magically eradicate grief. Change takes time, and so does healing.

“I’ve learned there are certain things that you have to allow time to get through, and you can’t exactly hurry them up,” Dan acknowledges. “But, with that said, there are things that you can do that will help.”

“The main thing to remember,” says Dan, “it’s that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

Want help overcoming your health and fitness barriers?

Most people know that regular movement, eating well, sleep, and stress management are important for looking and feeling better. Yet they need help applying that knowledge in the context of their busy, sometimes stressful lives.

Over the past 15 years, we’ve used the Precision Nutrition Coaching method to help over 100,000 clients lose fat, get stronger, and improve their health… for the long-term… no matter what challenges they’re dealing with.

It’s also why we work with health, fitness, and wellness professionals (through our Level 1 and Level 2 Certification programs) to teach them how to coach their own clients through the same challenges.

Interested in Precision Nutrition Coaching? Join the presale list; you’ll save up to 54% and secure a spot 24 hours early.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Coaching on Wednesday, January 9th, 2019.

If you’re interested in coaching and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list below. Being on the list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition we like to reward the most interested and motivated people because they always make the best clients. Join the presale list and you’ll save up to 54% off the general public price, which is the lowest price we’ve ever offered.

You’re more likely to get a spot. To give clients the personal care and attention they deserve, we only open up the program twice a year. Last time we opened registration, we sold out within minutes. By joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to change your body, and your life, with help from the world’s best coaches, this is your chance.

[Note: If your health and fitness are already sorted out, but you’re interested in helping others, check out our Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification program].

The post Dan Hibbert: Getting through grief. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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