#but he gets the most hate and it makes me sad

[alhaithams-malewife]

I remember getting into a heated argument with him over this issue, actually. (Adding a cut because this went on longer than I intended)

I was struggling with a very condescending and belittling client for about five or so months and eventually what he (client) said got to me more than usual. I don't remember the exact comment, but it was something along the lines of "you force yourself to be perfect and yet you're never good enough." Needless to say, I was pretty devastated.

So anyway, I went to Lambad's, probably gave myself liver problems during the... four hours I was there, I think? Per usual, Lambad had to call Alhaitham to come pick me up because according to him I had drank so much I was talking to the chair across from me thinking it was Cyno. Why him, I don't know. Maybe because it was around that time that he was, contrary to popular belief, the first person in our friend group to figure out that I had a massive crush on him (I hate using such childish terms, though.)

I woke up the next afternoon with a searing hangover, and if anyone knows me, they know I get really, really cranky when I'm like that. I walked over to my desk and... this is embarrassing, but I threw everything off the desk in a fit of rage directed at the client, my inability to please clients, and myself. Haitham walked in thinking I had fallen out of bed and instead saw me breaking down. The conversation went something like this:

Him, standing in the doorway: "So, are you still drunk, or are you just unable to control your emotions even when sober?"

Me, sitting at the now-empty desk with head in hands: "Shut up. What does it matter to you, anyway?"

🌱: "Because one, you interrupted my downtime. Two, I heard your tantrum through my soundproof earpieces. And three, I had to see if I needed to have you pay for damages to the house."

🏛️: "Oh, boohoo. All you ever have to worry about is money this, annoyance that." (Why did I ever say that?)

🌱: "As if your career isn't drawing boxes and lines. You're the most famous architect in Sumeru yet you don't own your own home. How sad."

Then, for some stupid reason, I threw a pen at him and yelled, "You have no idea how hard I work every single day and every single night just trying to make the clients happy. But no, they go and tell me no matter how hard I work, I'll never be good enough! Then there's you, who makes a huge salary without ever hardly moving from your desk! So of course I'm angry. Of course I'm going to let it slip!"

🌱: "Well, do you believe them?"

🏛️: "What do you think?!"

I don't remember what he said after that, I just slammed the door and left. Then it started raining hard and he pretty much dragged me home. I asked why he even cared, and he said to use my brain. ("...or are you that dense?") Those were pretty much the conclusions I came to, except for the one about my father. @ags-haitham You did what?! /lh

He probably meant what he said in the best way, though. Either way, I'd rather have petty arguments like this than be without him at all.

"but what does he REALLY want with me?" my brooo, kaveh, Alhaitham does care about you just trust me, i'm the bedside lamp 😭

inspired by daikyto9

[shoezuki]

hi hello so for any people curious bout the dream beef i am talking about im gon chronicle it all here in a hopefully fully contextual way for both longterm weirdos and new people who dont know bout my parasocial beef w dream. ill try to keep my biases out of it somewhat but anyways,

this began with a podcast Tommyinnit and Jack Manifold have together in which they had philza as a guest. Episode 9 is currently behind a paywall on their patreon but they have a youtube channel where they post them publically as well. Not sure if they make all their episodes public eventually or not but i digress.

Twitter user _constel_ has posted 5 clips from the podcast in question that contain their discussion about dream. I have downloaded the videos but tumblr doesnt want me to put them in this post so i will try and sum up each clip as I go.

Clip 1: Phil starts talking about how once the dsmp was done people would joke about how their 'contracts' would be over and they would be allowed to talk about things behind the scenes. philza mentions the infamous philza tweet in response to dream.

for context, the main discussion is around this exchange from around february 2021, where dream 'jokingly' argues that he is responsible to tommy's high viewership on youtube:

Most of it the tweets are deleted by both parties but it was very much a whole thing. Phil has apparently joked about revealing the context of his reply 'when he retires' (mentioned clip 1).

Jack Manifold had apparently been in a call with tommyinnit when the exchange was happening and recalls tommy being extremely stressed. The context philza gives is that he was texted by tommy to look at the thread while he was going on a walk and tommy was panicking over if dream was genuine (mentioned clip 2). Philza says "I'll find out if he's fucking joking' and that he essentially vibe checked dream. Tommy also states that after the twitter exchange he legitimately wrote in his diary to never be rude to dream: "never be horrible to dream. It's not worth it. It makes me too sad". Additionally jack manifold establishes that he hated dream from the beginning, they hate each other, and that, although he acknowledges dream aided him through the dream smp, he hates how dream 'takes ownership of other people and their accomplishments because he was a guiding hand' (mentioned clip 3).

Jack manifold mentions that tommy was 16 during this exchange and philza additionally says it was out of line (Clip 4). Philza more openly talks about there being 'reds flag after red flags' with dream in clip 5.

OKAY thats honestly a vague description and theres a LOT more so watch the clips if u want. Heres another tweet 'summarizing' it as well. But anyways this of course had people talking about dream again, some people (accidentally?) acting like this is about dream smp lore, and a lot of people concerned about how tommy was afraid to upset dream and would blame himself when dream picked fights with him.

Dream's response on dreamwastaken was to tweet about how he appreciated everyone who was on the server dispite differences, as well as a zip file to download the dsmp server/world file.

Worth noting there is a limitation on how many people can download the file within 24 hours so now people are only getting an error message when trying to access it which is fucking funny. On his private he also tweeted "love and appreciate you guys <3 very happy to be uploading again :) hope to keep it rolling" (Im not cropping out the reply its funny)

Thats all hes said so far, I havent seen tommy or jack manifold talking about it either. technically it isnt outright in response to their podcast but obviously everyone is taking it as such.

final stuff/my thoughts: dream has obviously had a tendency to kinda 'take credit' for 'making' the streamers who were on the dsmp and its notable that in his tweet he still acts like his server was the reason for people's fame and relationships. Saying 'a group of creators most of which would never have collaborated under any other circumstance got together and made something really cool' is just his thinly veiled way of still taking credit for tommy's fame and the relationships he and others have made and its moronic. Not to mention dsmp was very much NOT the server that got these specific people together, i mean techno and phil met through minecraft mondays, tommy and jack manifold met both of them through smp earth i believe. Even if the dsmp wasnt a thing they probably would have collaborated with other members through mcc eventually. the idea that the dsmp was what brought them together and a bunch of minecraft clowns would 'never have collaborated under any other circumstance' is stupid.

anyways sorry this is long as shit. im going to pray dream doesnt let this go for at least 3 to 5 business days as per usual

[sunfyrisms]

it’s genuinely so sad seeing some people blaming vi for cait leaving her, because it’s exactly what people did with the whole powder situation.

vi was a child when she saw the brutal, horrific end of her brothers and fathers. she was a child, she was hurt, physically and mentally, she lashed out at powder. it is clearly a mistake that she regretted. she looked at her bloodied fist in horror, started crying when she looks at powder, and she left to collect herself. because she was the only one powder has left, and powder was the only one she has left. vander’s last words to her were instructing her to take care of powder. she needed a moment, just a moment, to grieve. but the moment she saw powder is in danger? she immediately got up. she was ready for another fight. she was ready to protect her sister, without hesitation, even after fighting and losing the rest of their family before her very eyes.

i think a lot of people take jinx’s words as an immediate, inherit truth. “you created jinx.” perhaps it’s because jinx herself is the one who said it. but i don’t think vi did that. vi was in prison, as a child, surrounded by violence. constantly beaten, constantly hungry, but she never once forgot about powder. not a day, not an hour, went by that she didn’t think about her little sister. the first thing she does upon getting out of prison is immediately try to find powder. powder may have been traumatized by that fateful night, rightfully so, vi was too, but i don’t think vi created jinx. silco was the one who created jinx. he manipulated her, worsened her mental state, the whole nine yards. i’m not here to discuss whether he loved her because that’s ultimately not what this post is about. what i’m saying is that vi didn’t create jinx, but she blames herself for it anyway. she blames herself for abandoning powder, for not being able to protect her, for her roughness.

it’s so painstakingly obvious she isn’t willing to do that again. she isn’t willing to hurt those she loves. as a result, she’s so soft, so gentle, with caitlyn. she wipes away her tears, holds her, and genuinely sympathizes with her loss. she is able to be there for caitlyn because she has lost people time and time again. she joins caitlyn’s elite force to compensate for her actions (because, again, she openly states she believes she created the monster that is jinx). she becomes the thing she hated most to attempt to right her wrongs, but she still has her morals, she’s growing increasingly uncomfortable with caitlyn’s increasingly violent and cold deposition.

vi is scared of what caitlyn is becoming. she is openly scared of caitlyn, of how unrecognizable her rage and grief is making her. she doesn’t call out caitlyn’s rapidly growing hatred and dehumanization of her own people, not at first. but she’s scared. she’s scared what’s happening to the woman who was shown the reality of what her people face, what’s happening to the woman who genuinely wanted to make a difference, the woman who is ultimately kind as she is naive, the woman who gave away her only means of protection to save vi.

after their battle against jinx and sevika, she voices her concerns. she openly asks caitlyn what’s wrong with her. when she says caitlyn is acting like jinx, she isn’t being cruel. she’s trying to bring caitlyn back to reality. she’s saying “you’re losing yourself and it’s scaring me”. she grabs caitlyn’s arm, but, remembering that she hurt powder, what resulted from that, she immediately loosens her grip, positions her hand so she’s gently holding caitlyn’s wrist. she’s not willing to hurt caitlyn. she wants a productive conversation, she wants to understand, she wants to communicate, she wants caitlyn to understand that she’s becoming something dangerous, and she will do something she will regret.

caitlyn is triggered by vi’s words. she likely, at least subconsciously, resents and blames vi for her mother’s death. vi pleaded with caitlyn not to kill jinx, and caitlyn hesitated, and that resulted in the death of her mother. to be clear, i don’t blame vi for cassandra’s death, because she legitimately had nothing to do with it. but i think caitlyn blames her. she blames her for stopping her a second time, and takes vi’s statement as a direct comparison to her and her mother’s killer. on a surface level, it might have been, but i think it was a warning. it was a warning to caitlyn that her grief and rage were blinding her and she was betraying the morals she held so closely in season one. she’s actively becoming unrecognizable to vi like how jinx is unrecognizable to her, and she doesn’t want that. she doesn’t want caitlyn to lose herself.

in the end, that softness, it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter that she tried so hard to go about it differently, to be gentle rather than strong. because caitlyn strikes her in the same place she healed her wounds. caitlyn strikes her with her weapon, looks at her with such obvious contempt and disdain, just like the enforcers she’s encountered her entire life, and vi knows she’s lost her, just like she’s lost everyone. caitlyn is unrecognizable, blinded by her hatred, and vi is alone. she’s left alone after the woman who promised to not change changes so deeply and so badly.

i think that’s the tragedy of vi. she learns from her mistakes, she tries to be gentle, she carries the grief of everyone she loves, and she loves very deeply. however, she can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. she can’t stop people she loves from becoming their worst selves.

[blues-valentine]

This is my last post about it. OBX 4 wasn’t just bad in terms of JJ but all characters in general.

The writers, knowing they’d kill JJ off, started a character assassination train on him perhaps expecting us to feel like he deserved to die? But we know JJ. We all know JJ’s reckless but not to this level of detachment. He was acting like an entirely different person. JJ would’ve never treated Kiara, John B or any of his friends like that. Ever. Not matter how bad life turned out. Even with the whole “JJ blew all of our money!” it’s like they wanted us to hate him so badly.

Don’t even get me started on how bad that JJ plot twist was and since Part 1 I said it. Trying to erase his entire life like that even when it didn’t make sense was lazy writing. And all for what? To have his biological father be the one to kill him at the end? Because that’s the only possibly cruel explanation for that plot twist.

Killing JJ in such a way when this character spent his entire life suffering physical and emotional abuse from his adoptive father is cruel and it sends such a sad messaging.

OBX has always been bad at giving the girls good story lines and that aren’t always about their boyfriends. Kiara’s relationship with her parents was totally ignored. We got from them cutting her off at 401 to them clapping for her at the ceremony and we never got to know how they reached that place. Did they go to family therapy in those 18 months? Did they talk and came to an agreement together? But nothing.

Cleo didn’t get to have a story line that wasn’t mostly adjacent to Pope. And for a character that’s been here for 3 seasons we only know she worked for Terrance and it’s good with knifes. We don’t know her actual surname. And I was expecting more from her revenge plot and I feel silly for expecting that from those writers.

Sarah’s PTSD regarding Ward was never further explored. The writers also forgot about Wheezie and Rose. Sarah wouldn’t have continued on without trying to reach out to her. It’s like they just didn’t want to deal with it. And the worst one is them making Sarah say she didn’t feel ready for a family at her age for them to forget about it and have her pregnant. Despite how silly it is considering the circumstances of their life and how much trauma she has to heal from.

Don’t even get me started on the way the writers never explored the girls relationship. The only bonding scene between the girls we got was Sarah telling Kiara she’s pregnant and Cleo wasn’t even there. We never saw them just existing as young girls just joking around. Hell; even a whole boys conversation would feel somehow natural and we didn’t even got that.

Pope is a killer now? And by the influence of Cleo not less. Did the writers forgot about Season 3? And how she was the one that stopped him from killing Rafe. So, now you’re telling me she was the one egging him on to become a killer. Make it make sense please.

And the pogues dynamic was so bad. God, it was so out of character for them all. Firstly, John B would’ve never allowed JJ to walk into that self destructive path especially after learning about Chandler. And then, the way JJ confessed to Pope he was sucidical and he just didn’t say anything about it? Kiara was also incredible out of character. And that death scene was particularly dumb in so many levels, because it could’ve been preventable and it was pointless. But the thing that pisses me off the most is that the pogues stood there watching. In a scene that felt perhaps a bit anticlimactic. “Not pogue gets left behind” but they buried him on a desert in Morocco and had Rafe be the one to dig the hole too. Those are not my pogues and this wasn’t the dynamic I feel in love with. OBX went from being a comfort show to give me so much unnecessary frustrations.

[losrin]

;-; this is all i think about now when i see Grian-Mumbo interactions

if you look at earlier seasons Mumbo was always the first person Grian seeks out. being new in season 6, he's most reliant on Mumbo

in season 7 he dug a tunnel to link his and Mumbo's hobbit hole and sent nice messages to him all the time. made a bell so whenever Mumbo replies he'd know instantly. they always base next to/close to each other

and then season 9 happened. Mumbo took a long break. had his own life. went on trips, experienced life outside of Minecraft. He was away and Grian had to cope

I relate to this so much and as much as it sounds fanfiction-y this is angst that's too much for my heart. i hate to drift away from my friend, hate to seem too needy in case I drive them further away, and it hurts to think that while you were considering them your best friend, that person doesn't really reciprocate

for most people (monogamous), if someone's your partner there's an unspoken agreement that they're the most important and only partner in your life. but with friends it's difficult. you have to navigate your friendships based on your judgement of whether or not someone values you as much as you do them. and if you feel it proves not time and again, you get scared. the thing is, you don't want to lose that friend because they're dear to you. but you also start to branch out because you need friendship... and your best friend is unavailable. and you need a cushion, a safety net in case it's not only in your head. you find more friends

when you're the unavailable best friend who's now back, and realise that OH my best friend's life went on without me, OH now they have more friends, OH maybe they don't need me anymore. and it's MY fault. I was away. ME. I went away and I can't expect everything to stay the same for me. I don't deserve my bestie's full attention because when they needed it I couldn't give it. I didn't give it. It's MY fault

i always feel this tension in every Mumbo-Grian interaction since season 10. and it's honestly like stepping on egg shells. unspoken words behind jokes and laughters. a faint heartache that you can't share with others because

a) it's your best friend! who are you gonna share this friendship problem with??

bi) you don't want to appear needy

bii) it was my fault

I honestly don't want to read too much into this, because it makes me sad and makes me feel delusional. Hermitcraft should be my happy place. but I can never stop my brain...

It's fun when it's fictional, when we explore the angst through stories, but it sucks to imagine anyone actually feeling like this

about the mumbo’s “I’m all the friend that you need”.

I remembered something from the start of hc s10.

mumbo: — tell me, why are you here? are you gonna k- are you working on behalf of someone? are you gonna kill me? is that-

iskall: — no! you said this yesterday as well- mumbo! you are like my best friend! and I don’t have many friends. and I would not kill my one friend that I have!

mumbo: — say that to grian! cause grian came over yesterday, he’s not even the red name and he tried to kill me.

iskall: — but he’s got lots of friends!

oh something happened. something happened there this season. something spiralling into mumbo’s brain there from the start.

mumbo rarely interacted even with his minimum of friends in the early seasons, preferring solitude and redstone. and grian completely changed that. he appeared at mumbo’s bases at any given time without a warning, gradually leaving more and more pleasant words about what mumbo creates and that he is generally missed when he disappears. mumbo has never encountered anything like this,

but you get used to good things quickly, right?

and then he disappears for so long that upon his return grian realizing that it was hard to live with a focus on only one particular person who was not around all the time. and naturally decides to devote more time to other people in order to drown out this sadness for the person. maybe he was too intrusive for mumbo? now he's going to awkwardly avoid him because he thinks that mumbo doesn't really need him that much because he leaves him so often?

meanwhile, mumbo thinks that he is letting grian down, or has already let him down completely, since grian decides to be with his other friends more than with him.

and mumbo does not yet know that the doc’s perimeter war in s9 began simply because doc dared to tell grian that he would never be mumbo's best friend. because grian keeps it close to his heart and hasn't told anyone. especially mumbo. the buttercups started because of «there can only be ONE (best friend) …and it is not YOU!”

[aspergerasparagus]

I wanted to ask, what do each of the Frankies think of the contestant?

Real Frankie:

He is the rabbit that likes the contestant a little too much. Obsessive and possessive he doesn't let them out of his sight unless he has a good reason to. And while he plays up the part of caring for the contestant, maybe even playing into the romance idea, there is absolutely no love there. He is manipulative, cunning and malicious at his core and the contestant is more than aware of this and knows how this is all going to play out in the end. When they no longer prove to be useful, Frankie will dispose of them. Will he be sad doing it, maybe, but in the end ending them with his own hands will the greatest thrill (plus think of the ratings!)! In the end, while he won't outright hurt the contestant (physically anyway) he still can't be trusted.

Cartoon Frankie:

"Hate. Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since you turned up on my show." (Insert AM speech here yadda yadda) So toon Frankie is the one who hates the contestant the most, despises them actually. They are the reason his show was "ruined" and why he finally lost and being the brat that he is he still holds the grudge regardless if the contestant saved the show in the end. But at the same time they are the only human to stand up to him, to talk back, to make jokes at his expense and it drives him mad. He wants to put this little human in their place and remind them who's in charge (how he plans to do that is really up to the imagination), see them on their knees begging for mercy but on the other hand wouldn't it be fun to be put into his place by them from time to time. He's very internally conflicted by the contestant, he wants them dead, he wants their undivided attention, he wants from pleading for their life, he wants them to talk down to him. He a mixed up bunny and that only pisses him off more.

Monster Frankie:

Simply, he wants to eat his face. He is straight to the point, he doesn't like the contestant (considering they did kill him) and will be hostile to him but know he can't do anything to him right now. So they kinda exist in a weird limbo, where yes Frankie will chase him, but he isn't trying to kill him, maybe throw him a round a little like a cat with a mouse but that's all. Until the next season of course. He isn't as vocal about his feelings towards them but it's clear he is still bitter about what happened but does at least hold some respect for them, hence why he listens to Real Frankie and not Toon Frankie about the contestant's fate. He rarely interacts with them due to the contestant being the most frightened of him but will occasionally drift around them like a house cat merely to spend time in their presence until he gets that look in his eye and it's time to play again.

[jasvtsc]

young!jensen x reader. ex-bf!jensen x reader.

discreet glances.

small smiles.

mouthing things you couldn’t say aloud.

secret touches under the table. 

your pinky finger rubbing his as he had his hand on your knee.

all of that? it turned into complete ignorance.

you were confused about what caused your breakup with jensen. you both were fine. everything was fine. up until one night, it wasn’t anymore. you came back home, where he was already waiting for you, his head hung low as he kept his hands clasped tightly together. you could see a small tremble in them as if he was holding back his sadness. or anger. you couldn’t tell. 

you dropped your bag and tilted your head to the side, slowly approaching him. you were quiet. he was quiet. the whole apartment was quiet except for the clock, slowly ticking in the background, and some white noise coming from the kitchen. you felt your heart slowly coming up your throat as he finally lifted his glossy green eyes to look at you. once so full of life and love, now replaced with sadness and heartbreak.

exactly 38 minutes and 16 seconds later, you and jensen broke up. he said it was distance and work. you both were young, freshly rising stars. you had your projects — most of them abroad, and he had his stuff here. it wouldn’t have worked, that’s what he said. dnd you just agreed. 'cause what else was there? if he didn’t want to fight for the two of you, why should you? two people make a relationship. not one.

so, once cheerful looks turned to avoidance of eye contact whenever your eyes met.

once quiet chuckles turned to sternness and ignoring each other.

once intimate touches turned into keeping distance as if one of you had some kind of disease.

you tried to move on. you tried. after spending countless hours crying yourself to sleep and wondering what you did wrong, you finally stepped out into the world again. slowly, you were regaining your spirit, that gleam in your eyes you lost due to the heartbreak. but most importantly, you finally let go of your past. of him. 

maybe one day your paths will cross again.

jensen also tried to get back on track. but the looming feeling of guilt and realisation that he had lost the best things in his entire life hung heavy on his shoulders. he knew he made a mistake. he should’ve never chosen his career over you. you were always supporting him, you were there for him and he went and dumped it cause what? a young heartthrob like him would lose fans if others found out he was in a relationship. he knew he should’ve never listened to his manager. but now? it was too late. you were gone. 

now, whenever he saw you, his eyes were full of longing.

his heart was crying for you.

he knew that he had to talk to you again. no matter if you hated him. he had to see you.

you were in your assigned place at some awards show. and you weren’t sure if it was just your luck or he did that on purpose, but jensen was sitting next to you. at first, you were thinking about changing your seat, but then again, there was no bad blood between the two of you. you could act like adults, right?

“baby, listen to me, i’m sorry— “ he started, turning his head to look at you with those green eyes that had so much depth to them. and again, you could see that love in them. fuck, you were crumbling. you weren’t over him as much as you thought that you were.

“hey, it’s okay. it’s fine. we’re fine.”

“we’re not, ‘kay? i regret my decision every single fucking minute of the day. i’m a fucking idiot. i should’ve never break your heart like that. i love you, baby. please, i— ” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “i’m sorry. about everything.”

you didn’t know what to do. your heart was yearning for him. you missed him, so much. but he broke your heart, there was no going back from that.

so, you sat in silence, just staring at each other as people around were clapping and cheering for the person on stage. but you didn’t care nor did jensen. his whole world was sitting right in front of him.

a/n: okay so yeah i wrote a little sth and tbh im not sure how i feel about it lmao i just hope that you enjoy it guys <3

༄♡ tags: @internetitgirl17 @beausling @deanswidow @deansbite @aileenunfiltered @fitxgrld @figthoughts @angelicp0etry @hrtsoldierboy @titsout4nicholas

[neverpathia]

fuck this shit

have my voice of the broken

and please ignore how elementary my art looks

it's not the full design unfortunately, but a little guy is a little guy, I hope. + the original pencil-and-paper lineart.

now I was gonna go by a specific order, like starting from voice of the hero and all, but broken just resonated with me too much and I thought we could make a pretty neat design out of him so there we have it.

okay I have quite a bit to say about him

come on, the fact that he's the most like me out of all the stp voices surely says something. tower route isn't exactly how my very first playthrough went, true, but once she beat the ever loving crud out of me and the rest of the route unfolded

I had to do a double take he's so real wtf

everything Broken says is something that has definitely passed through my mind at some point or another, especially when it came to a few relationships of mine. the way he just defaults to surrendering. taking the easy way out, the ONLY way out, which is in fact only digging yourself deeper into the problem. somewhere in your subconscious, maybe you know this. but what other choice do you have? she's above you in every way possible. don't you want to please her? isn't this how it's all supposed to go? and, besides, you don't want to taste the alternative.

defiance can't be an option anymore. it's a path fraught with danger and fear and the Broken is blindly submissive because it's the only thing he can be. he can't let himself think like a person or feel like a person or even be a person anymore if it's all just going to get taken away from him.

maybe he's bitter. maybe he hates the world. maybe he wants to let himself feel something that's not simply her, and her, and her.

but it's too risky, too dangerous. and it's so much 'easier' to just...not. just do what she asks, because there's a course of action put before you, and you won't be hurt if you do what she says. and you don't want to be hurt. and everything she's already doing to hurt you is so much better than everything she CAN do if you defy her.

and she loves you. in this twisted, unbalanced, unfair way of hers, she loves you. call it love because you don't want to know what else it can be.

you hate this love. it suffocates you. it drowns you. it seeks out the cracks in your soul. it enters them. it expands them. but it's the only thing left in there anymore.

it may look like a choice when you reciprocate it in the same unjust way. it's turned against you and you're just blocking off your escape, that's what they see. but what does the Broken see? safety. protection. an escape from whatever she can and has thrown upon you if you don't.

you can have "whatever you want" at the cost of a "you."

I feel so bad for him, but I can't help but feel that I...am him. Just 'choosing' to submit and keel over and accept your comfortable little prison is kind of real. It's 'choosing' safety and sloth at the cost of my autonomy, but since when had it even been a choice? external circumstances nudge you towards a corner. your own willpower, or rather lack thereof, backs you further into that corner. the Broken is too familiar.

and yet the way he always makes it a point to hear others out. he empathizes. he soothes. because he doesn't want them to be Broken like he is, or rather, he's the only other one who's just as Broken and he knows how much it sucks. to be at war with yourself all the time yet you yourself are stuck and stagnant and unmoving in everything you know you hate as much as you try to pretend you love. everything you do, every second you live, as wrong as it always feels. he wishes for a choice where he has never had one himself and he can, in a way, live that choice through others.

maybe I'm just projecting idk

fyi there's a reason I gave him that particular hairstyle. it's tied together and weighed down with two teardrop-shaped ornaments. like how he's so restricted and it's heavy, it's so heavy, being sad all the time is a bitch and you can only be tired. yet the braids are still ornate. still straight and silky smooth, still beautiful. but what then? and what if a few strands threaten to escape? it means nothing, it's still what it is. helplessly fixed in place, but who would think about it.

[bengiyo]

Love in the Big City Eps 5 & 6: That Apartment Was Too Small

I’m late this week to write this post. Despite everything going on in the world and in my life, I have struggled with how similar episodes 5 and 6 played like Part 3 of the book. When I read over my reaction post for Part 3, I felt like I could post it with a few edits as a reaction to these two episodes. I’ve also read so many great posts about this section, so I’ll throw some quick thoughts down on some of the things that stood out in this section.

The T-aras Continue to Be a Great Change

Presenting the drama in a more linear format required baton passes between the sections that the book didn’t require, and I really loved having the T-aras as pallbearers who also took care of Yeong when he wanted to go out the night of his mom’s funeral. I love how they also feel like they’ve matured as they’ve gotten older.

Making us love the T-aras so much makes their flippancy about being around someone they know, or suspect, is positive hit like a ton of bricks in the flashback. What’s so sad about this is it puts this wall up inside of Yeong that keeps him from ever telling them about his situation with Kylie. We know the T-aras love him dearly, and I think they would have adapted quickly to take care of their friend. I couldn’t help but think about the hospital scene from Part 2 and wonder how uncertainties Yeong felt about them complicated that moment for him.

I also love that they’re the ones who got to meet and approve of Gyu-ho, and that they suggested Yeong take him on a trip to help rekindle the romance. Yeong not being completely alone has been one of my favorite changes, because few of us are ever as alone as we think we are.

Gyu-ho Feels so Alive

We see so much of Gyu-ho from Young’s perspective in the book, and I loved seeing him come alive and share space with Yeong in the drama. I loved seeing the mundanity of their relationship. I loved seeing Yeong consolidate and clean up the room to make it livable for Gyu-ho just as much as I loved seeing them struggle with their living habits. I loved seeing them fight over little things, and then seeing Gyu-ho adapt to that and cover annoyances (especially with the water bottles).

Unfortunately, Kylie ruins so much of Yeong’s ability to commit to this relationship, and I think it’s why staying in Mi Ae’s apartment might be one of my favorite choices of the drama. When we read Part 3, I kept thinking about how small Young’s apartment was, and how it didn’t seem right for the two of them to stay there. Here in the drama, we see that Yeong’s mom made sure to take care of her affairs, and I wondered at how much Yeong had stashed away from that, but also figured he wouldn’t want to stay in the home his mom had.

I think, for Yeong, Gyu-ho is just so radiant and beautiful a person that Yeong is worried he’ll infect with HIV and make “dirty.” He brings that word up a lot, and it made me so, so sad. Kylie is everywhere in their relationship. It’s in Yeong’s need to fake a blood test to get a decent job he hates. It’s in his inability to pursue work opportunities in other countries. It’s in their inability to have unprotected sex without worries. All of this culminates to make Yeong feel like he’s ruined Gyu-ho’s future for just being with him.

Conversely, it’s so frustrating to watch Gyu-ho from this perspective doing everything he can to make Yeong feel loved and valued. I felt so much for Gyu-ho when he got a solid job as a nurse and wanted them to get a bigger place together. I also felt for Gyu-ho searching for potential new partners on the apps. It sucked in the book and it sucks here when Yeong tries to shove Gyu-ho to go have sex with someone else when that’s not what Gyu-ho wants at all; he’s a romantic.

As such, they could not make this relationship work. Gyu-ho is probably the one person in the series we’ve seen Yeong trust to the most. The T-aras prickled his shame. Mi Ae outed him. Yeong Su turned out to be gross. Nam Gyu died.  I believe Yeong when he said he was writing as hard as he could to build a future where he was independently wealthy enough to take care of himself and Gyu-ho, and it was so sad to see him completely lose the love he found in the present for that.

Onto the Finale

That’s all I’ve got this week. I find myself looking forward to this section because I’m so excited to see what Habibi turns into with this version. I’ve meditated on the fallout of the Gyu-ho breakup, and I’m excited to see what the drama does with that.  

[outrunningthedark]

Do you ever get that uncomfy feeling about fandom dissecting cast interviews and heavily interacting and sharing interactions? Like I ship (shipped? Put off by parasocialness and lfj love) bucktommy and buddie but the fandom is so offputting.

Like appreciating the cast ofc is fair and fun but I cant help but feel like, this broken wall of seperation makes finishing or reaolving the bucktommy break up less likely.

I think im overthinking a bit, but this buddie outrage, lfj sharing posts and interacting, people bashing OS about his wording, like the idea that in 8B. Tim and whoever thinks, okay they should come back. The idea of those actors having to interact after all this (in sone ways) overblown drama makes me cringe and i cant properly express why. Maybe its the lack of escapism?

I cant fully express my thoughts on this properly but i have agreeed with most of your posts on the subject. You articulate stuff well.

Dont mean to bash people that love to follow the cast closely but idk when i see it all blur on my page, i get so weirded out. Anyway ignore if this makes no sense or is irrelevant.

I do get what you're trying to say, and that's where the root of the issues with Oliver's behavior stems from. We, as a fandom, should not be able to *notice* when a particular cast member is being left out of cast moments behind the scenes. Yes, he was professional on set and got through his scenes, but the ONLY reason people have started to put two and two together re: his concerns over "backlash" is because of we just saw happen while Lou was on the show. Before, we could tell ourselves "Well maybe Oliver's just tired of these forced hetero relationships that will go nowhere". But now his character is canonically queer. And he chose not to acknowledge the story line outside of one post that got deleted and a couple of stories. (One of which was most definitely advised for good PR given how he recorded it on the fly - Bi Visibility Day). Viewers should have been able to watch the story line with NO preconceived notions of how anybody really felt. Viewers should have been able to feel sad about the break up without Oliver immediately jumping into a story about how HE TEXTS THE GUY WHO WROTE TOMMY OFF to let Buck go back to his 1.0 phase. Viewers should have been able to believe the guy who seemed so excited to celebrate his character's coming out sympathized with the disappointment. But because Oliver only worries about the hate HE receives, because Oliver puts HIS feelings first when telling a queer (potential) love story on tv, fandom is left to wonder whether he even liked the direction of Buck's story line, whether he actually DID have anything to do with Tommy get written off as quickly as he did. Fans look into things because Oliver leaves the door open.

[fanficsbysteve]

The Best for the Both of Them

This will be my first foray into writing fanfiction in a long long time so please be kind. Constructive Criticism is always welcome. Hate Mail is not. I also haven't used Tumblr in awhile so if anyone has any suggestions on how I can make my posts better or easier for you all to read, please let me know.

Rated: PG? WC: 4863

___________________________________________________________

 “I’ll see you around Buck”, Tommy stood for a second before he walked to the door and out of Evan’s loft. His mind was reeling from what he just did. Evan had been the best thing to ever happen to him, and he had just ended it. Did he do the right thing? He kept walking eventually coming to his truck. He got in and looked up at the windows to Evan’s loft. He saw his now ex-boyfriend standing there looking out at him.

                “This is the best thing for both of us,” he told himself as he started the truck up and drove off towards his house, “It was never meant to last anyways. I’m his first not his last” he just kept telling himself that as a means of justifying it to himself. He felt tears start to well up in his eyes as he drove towards his house. He didn’t want to do that. Evan was the sweetest and most caring person he had ever known. But he couldn’t handle the heartbreak if he decided that Tommy wasn’t enough for him. Yes that was an incredibly Biphobic mentality to have, and he knew it, but your brain is never logical when it comes to your emotions and your potential for heartbreak.

                He pulled into his driveway and turned off his truck. Sitting in his truck he let the tears start to roll down his cheeks. Sobs racked his body as he just let out all the sadness that he was feeling over what he had done. He desperately wanted to take out his phone and call Evan and say he was sorry. Say he didn’t mean it. Beg him for forgiveness. But he knew he couldn’t do that. No this was how it had to be.

                After about 10 minutes of the ugliest crying, he had ever done in his life, he composed himself, got out of his truck and head inside his house. It was going to be a long night, and he knew it. This was the best for the both of them.

***

                Tommy took a couple days off work so he could just get all his crying out. His work best friend, Jessica, had come by a couple times during that time to check in on him and see how he was doing. She reported to him that he always looked like shit and that he needed to pull himself together. She really didn’t get it though did she. She had been with her husband for as long as he knew her.

                After the third day, Tommy again pulled himself together and compartmentalize all his emotions like he had grown accustomed to all those many years ago. Looking around his house he found so many things that reminded him of Evan. Some of his clothes that he had left behind after a night over, a toothbrush, some different knickknacks that he bought for Tommy to keep in his apartment to remind him. Sighing, Tommy picked up a box and started to place all of Evan’s items into it. He kept the pictures. And a hoodie. He may have broken up with Evan, but he didn’t want to forget about him completely. He was a big part of his life for the past 6 months. Everything else went into this box.

                He spent the better part of a day trying to decide the best way to get these items back to Evan. He didn’t feel ready to see Evan again so going to the loft to drop them off was probably not in the cards. Maybe Eddie or Chim could get them to him. Though not sure if that was going to be easy either. They were both closer to Evan than they were to him. Wouldn’t hurt to try anyways.

                Tommy took out his phone and shot a quick text message off to Eddie. He didn’t expect anything back right away, but little did he know, “You fucked up bud” was all he got back at first.

“Don’t you think I thought this through,” he responded back.

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t fuck up” Eddie wrote back.

“I have a bunch of Evan’s stuff that he left at my place that needs to get back to him,” Tommy wrote quickly, “And I don’t think either of us wants to see each other right now.”

“I spent the past 3 days with a very drunk Evan pining over you hard,” Eddie replied, “You have no idea how badly this is affecting him.”

“He doesn’t know how this is affecting me either,” Tommy sent back, “Can I leave his stuff with you, and you give it to him?”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” Eddie wrote back, “But I think the two of you need to talk this out. Sometime before my liver gives out.”

                Tommy sighed and took the box to his Truck, meaning to head towards Eddie’s house. At least Eddie was still talking to him, which was a good sign. He hadn’t fucked things up with the entire 118 at least. He drove about an hour to get to Eddie’s house. Seeing Evan’s Jeep parked out front, Tommy drove right past the front of Eddie’s house and parked a ways up the street so that he wouldn’t be noticed. God, he needed to mature up, but he really didn’t want to see Evan right now. He had just gotten himself to stop crying and he knew that if he saw him it would start the tears up again.

                Tommy slowly walked up towards Eddie’s house, navigating like some weird stalker up the sidewalk and deposited the box outside the door to Eddie’s house. He snapped a quick picture of the box and Eddie’s door and hurried down the walkway, sending a picture of the box to Eddie with a quick message of “I can’t see him yet. The box is outside your door.”

                Tommy drove back to his place, hyperventilating a little bit over what could have happened. He needed to stay strong. This was the best for the both of them.

***

                It had been a month since he ended things with Evan. Work kept him busy so that was beneficial for him. He could throw himself into work and forget everything. He did tend to avoid using the mouth static because it reminded him of Evan. His captain was probably very appreciative of that.

                Tommy had taken to using Tinder to see if he could get someone to date again. He did miss the companionship that Evan gave. Someone to hold at night. Problem was that he was trying to pick a fish from the sea that was Gay LA. The amount of people that just wanted to have sex with him far outweighed the people looking for a nice date.

                He did find the rare gentlemen not looking for a quick fuck which was nice. Tommy wasn’t ready to dip his toes back into THAT market just yet. Besides if he wanted that he would have been on Grindr, not Tinder. Men were just horndogs no matter where they were.

                Tommy swiped right on a handsome man that he saw and got the “Match” signal, so he started messaging this person. He was 5’6, fit, brown hair, blue eyes, worked as a nurse at one of the local hospitals. Tommy decided to go on a date with this guy. Have a nice dinner and a movie. That was his typical first date. Had it been that before Evan and will continue to be that after. He just needed to figure out a restaurant.

                The night of the date came, and Tommy met this new guy at the restaurant. His name was Bryant, and he was closer to Tommy’s age than Evan had been. He wouldn’t admit it in person, but he felt a little bad when he and Evan were together since there was such a large age gap.

                Bryant had chosen a nice Vietnamese restaurant to meet up at, and Tommy would be picking the movie. They ordered their dishes after sitting and waited. Tommy looked around the room a bit, taking in his surroundings. It was a nice place, he thought, and then a thought he didn’t want to have came up ‘Evan would really like this. He likes to try all kinds of new food.’

                He had to stop himself. He was drifting off into thinking of Evan and that wouldn’t have ended well. Bryant was talking and Tommy hadn’t heard a thing he said in his revelry. God he was the worst person to go on a date with right now. His thoughts constantly running back to Evan like some kind of sick masochist. No, he wouldn’t let that man keep such a vice grip on his heart. This was the best of the both of them.

***

                It had been 6 months since he had broken up with Evan. He had managed to match with about 10 very nice gentlemen in that time, and failed to go on a second date with about 6 of them. Why was he so bad at this? It was never this bad with Evan. Not even remotely. They always got along and always had things to talk about.

                Sitting down at the coffee shop, a handsome Latin man sitting across from him, Tommy sipped at his drink while half listening to the man talking about his life. He was interested, really he was. He just couldn’t make his mind focus. It kept going back to thoughts of Evan.

                The bell above the door rang as someone came in again. They were sitting near to the door, so Tommy had a bird’s eye view of the people walking in. And what he saw made his heart clench in his chest. Walking in through that doorway was Evan. He was there with a very beautiful blonde woman. God, he looked amazing still. Hopefully he didn’t see Tommy.

                Quickly looking away, Tommy hoped against all hope that Evan didn’t notice him. He didn’t want to create a scene or end things badly on this date. His date seemed to notice as he asked what was going on?

                “Ex-boyfriend just walked in,” Tommy replied. His breathing had slightly deepened after Evan walked into the shop, so he suggested that they take their drinks and go for a walk.

                He couldn’t be in the same room with Evan. It was too hard to see him. He did look happy though. Walking out of the coffee shop, his date heading out before him, he glanced back hoping, while also not hoping, to catch a glimpse of Evan again. Looking right at him, his blue eyes trying to hide a sadness that he could match was Evan. God how he missed that man. He turned back around and left the coffee shop, not wanting to feel the pain that his heart was currently feeling. This was the best for the both of them.

***

                It had been three days since Tommy saw Evan at the coffee shop. Things had fizzled out again with the latest in a long line of dates he had gone on. Honestly, it was getting a little depressing for him. But he kept on trying. Maybe one day someone will click with him.

                His phone buzzed and he absently picked it up without looking to see who the message was from and opened it. His heart skipped a beat when he looked at it. It was from Evan and just said one word “Hey”.

                Tommy was freaking out a bit. He hadn’t expected this to happen. He had taken a break and wanted Evan to experience his life now. He would have done the same had he been the first for a gay man. It wasn’t fair to tie someone down into a relationship if they hadn’t fully experienced life to its fullest.

                “Hey,” Tommy replied back, “Saw you at the coffee shop a few days ago. You look good”

                Tommy stared at the screen at the Typing bubble showed up on his phone. It was agonizing waiting to hear back. One minute. Two minutes. Was he writing the next great American novel over there?

                “It was nice to see you as well,” was the reply. Eight words? It took him that long to write eight words? The typing bubble showed up again, “Can we meet up? I have some things I need to talk to you about.”

                Tommy stared at his phone. Could he do this? It had been 6 months. Surely things had settled between them enough that they could have a cordial meet up right? “I could do that. Do you know a place?”

                “Let’s get pizza for old times sake,” Evan replied. Tommy felt his heart beat a little harder in his chest, “You know the place. Did you want me to pick you up or meet you there?”

                Tommy stared at the phone. While he would have loved to go there together, he knew that he couldn’t. Not easily anyways. 6 months they had been apart but every thought in his mind was about Evan. He had never had a relationship with anyone, quite like the one he had with Evan. There was something about it, “I can meet you there. 8 pm? Know a day?”

                “Can we meet tonight?” Tommy’s heart fluttered in his chest. Did he dare accept?

                While his brain was overthinking every situation that could come of this, his heart took control of his hands and he typed back, “That can work. I’ll see you there.”

                “See you there,” was the reply. Tommy put his phone down and let out a breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding. This could go so many ways. Picking up his phone again and looking at the time, Tommy had about 3 hours to get ready. The Pizza place that Buck wanted to go to wasn’t too far from where Tommy lived. Maybe a 30 minute drive. It gave him time to look his best. They may be broken up, but Tommy definitely didn’t want Evan to see him look a mess.

                He went about getting ready and he felt his heart fill with joy a little bit. He also started to have second thoughts on the breakup. Was this the best for the both of them?

***

                Tommy walked up to the entrance to the restaurant at just before 8 pm. He was trying not to hyperventilate about what was about to happen. He stopped at the door and stood for a second, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down before he walked in.

                He could see Evan sitting at a table off to the right of the entrance. Tommy had a little bit of a chuckle. His brain was not thinking in perfect thoughts right now, but he just loved the idea of him picking a table slightly to the right of centre when the last happy conversation they had was about the Kinsey Scale and how Tommy was a solid 6.

                He walked over and sat in the chair across from Evan, “Hey” he said. It was his general greeting for everyone.

                “Hey,” Evan looked up to him, a light of what looked like happiness hiding in his eyes, “Thank you for coming”

                “I didn’t have anything planned for tonight,” Tommy smiled but his eyes just kept taking in this man sitting in front of him. God he was beautiful, “Your text caught me by surprise though. Can’t say I was expecting it, but it was a nice surprise.”

                “Yeah, well when I saw you at the coffee shop, I knew I had to reach out,” Evan smiled and looked down at his hands, “It just took me 3 days to send that first message. I kept psyching myself out and telling myself not to and that you hated me and that you didn’t want to hear from me”

                “I could never hate you Ev…Buck,” Tommy quickly changed the name he called him. He had been thinking of his as Evan for so long that he had forgotten that friends call him Buck, “I was the one who broke it off with you. If anything, you should be hating me.”

                Tommy saw Evan deflate a bit when he changed the name he called him. But what was he supposed to do? They were broken up. And as much as Tommy wished it, they weren’t going to get back together. Tommy had messed that up already with what he said when they broke up. The best he could hope for is salvage and become friends and just watch from the outside and be supportive while Evan found someone new.

                “I could never hate you either Tommy,” He whispered. He was still looking down. Tommy reached across the table and gently put a couple fingers underneath Evans chin and lifted his head so they could look each other in the eye. Tommy was a little shocked to see the barest hint of what could only be tears in Evans eyes.

                Tommy coughed quickly, “Anyways should we order something? I want to hear all about your life since the last time we saw each other.”

                Tommy picked up his menu and used it to hide his face a bit. The tears and look of sadness on Evan’s face was going to get to him if he didn’t compose himself. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

                They eventually ordered a pizza to share and some drinks, “So the woman I saw you at the coffee shop was very pretty. Did things go well?”

                Evan was a little taken aback by that statement, “You think she’s pretty? I thought you were a 6 on the Kinsey Scale?”

                “Just because I can notice when someone is attractive doesn’t mean that I want to immediately have sex with them,” Tommy chuckled. That broke the downer mood that had been soaking the two of them since the moment he sat down. Evan chuckled as well, “Society has its standards of beauty in men, women, and anyone in between. These are drilled into us from an early age. You ask a straight man who the most attractive man to them is, and I can almost guarantee you that they will give you one of the Chrises or one of the Ryan’s”

                Evan smiled at that, “Chrises and Ryan’s?” This man was clueless sometimes. Tommy smiled at him. This man could find a substack about some 200 year old cowboy but he knew nothing about the Kinsey Scale or the Chrises and Ryans.

                “Well first you have the easy ones, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Pratt. They have all been in Marvel movies, so everyone knows about them. Then you toss in Chris Pine, and you have the Chrises. Chris Pine is the odd one out as he hasn’t been in Marvel, and he has what some people call an Odd Attractiveness. The other Chrises are conventionally attractive,” Tommy took a sip of his drink before he continued, “Then you have the Ryan’s. Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling. Both very attractive men in their own rights and both very famous for various different reasons.”

                “I never thought of it that way,” Evan replied, “I always thought that just because you were straight or gay you didn’t really notice the other gender.”

                “Well, you have much to learn my Baby Bi,” Tommy chuckled, “You didn’t answer my question though. How did things go with the blonde at the coffee shop? Don’t think you can change the subject by claiming your naivety in things around the LGBT+ world.”

                Evan smiled and it melted Tommy’s heart, it was good to see him like this, “It went OK. We aren’t planning anything else though. Seeing you at the shop put me in a bit of a mood.”

                “I’m sorry about that,” Tommy replied, “She looked like she was your type. Well, I think. I don’t really know your type when it comes to women.”

                “I don’t really have a type when it comes to anyone really,” Evan explained, “I just find certain people attractive and decide then and there if I want to date them. She was pretty but not what I was looking for I guess.”

                “Well, that sucks,” Tommy replied, “I haven’t had much luck either. Nothing clicks I guess.”

                “Its hard to find something like what we had,” Evan replied. He sounded sad again. Tommy didn’t know how to make him happy again right now, so he just took a bite of his pizza on his plate.

                They ate in silence, Tommy sneaking glances at Evan, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He thinks he got caught at least once and quickly started looking off into the restaurant, trying to hide what he was doing. This was truly one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen. He was a fool for letting this go.

                After they finished their pizza, it was time for dessert. Evan ordered a tiramisu, and Tommy ordered his usual Spumoni. What could he say, it was his favorite. And when you know you like something, you always go back to it.

                While Tommy was thinking to himself, he caught sight of a spoon reaching across the table and taking a piece out of his dessert, “Hey!”

                Evan smiled as he placed the frozen dessert into his mouth. Tommy smiled a little. Picking up his spoon, Tommy reached across and took a scoop of Evans dessert. He got an indignant little squeak from Evan over that as he raised it to his mouth, “All’s fair in love and war Evan.”

                Tommy watched as Evan’s smile grew wider as he heard his name spoken out loud. Tommy didn’t realize that it was going to happen. He smiled a bit before taking the bite of Buck’s dessert.

                They back and forth stole each other’s desserts until there was nothing left on the plate, and they were giggling like two school boys who had seen something naughty, “I miss this,” Evan said with a sigh, “I miss you.”

                Tommy stopped giggling and looked directly at Evan. Had he heard what he thought he heard?

                “I miss seeing you come home after work, covered in soot. I miss standing in the kitchen cooking us dinner, you coming up behind me just to hold me. I miss waking up in your arms,” Evan continued, “I miss us.”

                “Evan,” Tommy tried to get him to stop. This was hurting him too much, but Evan lifted up a hand.

                “Let me finish,” Evan continued to talk, “We came here to talk about life so let me finish and then you can have your say,” He put his hand down and took a breath, “Over the past 6 months I admit that I did try dating new people. Men, women, I think I went out with a non-binary person once as well. And each and every one of those ended the same. Me alone in my loft. They always ended up the same because of one thing. They weren’t you. None of them were you. It took me a while to fully understand what happened between us.

                Tommy stared at Evan as he spoke. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he tried to stop them, but they just started to fall down his cheeks. He hadn’t wanted this. He just wanted to talk to Evan again. To be a part of his life again.

                “I realize now that I wanted the future with the idea I had of you. I wanted the idea I had of you move in with me in my Loft, which lets face it, was a ridiculous thing to say at the time,” Tommy noticed that Evan was essentially talking to his hands as they wrung a napkin in his hands, “And it took me talking to Maddie, Eddie, Josh, and basically everyone in the 118 to realize what I did to you. And to understand why you did what you did. You were scared. You were scared of being hurt and I understand that now. You didn’t want to be hurt so you hurt yourself and me in the process.”

                The tears were steadily going down Tommy’s cheeks at this point. He wasn’t a super emotional person. He worked in a life or death job. He saw people die all the time. He could compartmentalize everything. But right now, he was failing at that.

                “I tried to hate you at the start of it,” Evan still hadn’t looked up. Why wouldn’t he look at Tommy, “I tried really hard. But I couldn’t. You had just broken my heart, and I couldn’t hate you. It wasn’t until a month in when I was visiting Maddie at work, and the wise gay sage that is Josh was there and he gave me some words of wisdom, ‘You jumped ahead too far. You are currently seeing a future with who you think Tommy is. Not who Tommy actually is. And until you figure out which one you want to have a future with, you need to sit back and think about what it is you truly want. Do you want the idea of Tommy that you have? This unattainable statuesque Greek God of a man. Or do you want Tommy, the man who was engaged to a woman for 2 years, who had to survive the military at the height of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Tommy who is scarred beyond what you can see. And when you decide which, it is that you want, well the universe will bring you what you need.’ And then he just made a dramatic exit from the room.”

                Tommy chuckled a little while the tears kept flowing. He kept looking towards Evan, “Now I know that it was you who broke things off with me, in a not very classy fashion by the way,” Evan finally looked up from the napkin he had basically shredded into tiny pieces during his speech, “But I wanted to see if maybe, you wanted to try again? Try being together? It took me awhile to realize that I wanted the Tommy with all the scars that I never got a chance to learn about. The visible and invisible ones. You don’t need to answer right away. I can give you time to think about it. But I know that it is you that I want. You that I need in my life. You that I see a future with.”

                Tommy stood up, his eyes blurry at this point, walked around the table towards Evan, leaned down, placed his hand gently on Evan’s chin, and kissed him with as much love and passion as he could muster. He didn’t want this to stop. He couldn’t let this stop. Of course he wanted Evan back.

                The kiss ended and they were both breathless. The noise of the restaurant hadn’t died down so hopefully nobody was staring at their very obvious display, “Should I take that as a yes?” Evan was breathless and Tommy was as well. He nodded his head vigorously.

                Evan’s smile became the widest that Tommy had ever seen. He didn’t know how to take that. Evan grabbed him and pulled him in close, nuzzling his head into the crook of Tommy’s neck, “We should probably pay the bill and go I guess,” Tommy said eventually, enjoying holding Evan again. It had been too long, and he missed the gentle breathing.

                Tommy reluctantly let Evan go so they could pay their bill and head out, “House or Loft?” Evan asked as they walked out the door.

                “Huh?” Tommy was confused.

                “House or loft? If you think I’m going to spend tonight alone, you have another thing coming. So will we spend the night at the house or loft?” Evan explained.

                Tommy smiled, realizing that this was all his again. This perfect man, with his substacks, his belief in curses and his random spirals into insanity. This was all his again. Walking towards his truck, Tommy smiled and said, “House,” before getting in, “Though we’ll need to stop by your loft to grab some items for you for the morning after.”

                Tommy watched as Evan smiled. That smile always made him melt. Before he had met Evan, he was reserved. He had slowly started to come out of his shell a bit. To be more of the man that Evan had seen he could be. He still had worked to do before he was that person. But with Evan by his side, maybe he could be that person. Maybe the idea of Tommy that Evan had in the past could be the Tommy he gets in the future. Only time would tell at least.

Sitting on the drivers side of his truck, Evan on the passengers side, Tommy shifted his truck into gear and backed out of his parking stall. He felt a hand over top of his on the gear shift and smiled. This. This was what was best for the both of them.

***

And that's the end of that. Thank you all for reading. I wrote this because S8xE06 really irked me so I wanted to fix it somehow. Let me know what you think.

[nnnn99999]

The ending of peaceful property, much like the entirety of the show, was bittersweet. I really tried to hold in my tears, but ended up crying anyway.

The ridiculous part is that it wasn't the sad backstory or Home's goodbye with his grandpa that made me cry. No, it was Home's silly little song and dance wearing that bright orange outfit that broke me. To me, it was the most impactful scene in the whole series. For me, this was the climax of the story. Because to me, this scene represents everything I feel this show was about. It was the perfect culmination of contradictory emotions.

Yes, this show has its flaws. Yes, it is nowhere near perfect. But I loved it anyway. There was so much love and effort poured into this series and it shows. Everyone involved in this project tried their best to present something meaningful and wholesome, and I appreciate that genuine love and passion.

Finding comfort in your own home with the people you truly love amidst the cruelties and unfairness of life-to me, this is what this whole show was about. To be able to laugh amidst the difficulties of life, to feel deep sorrow even in the happiest of times, to survive the harshest struggles without a moment of weakness yet fall apart because of a simple sentence, to love the person you hate and hate the person you love, and so much more that makes us human-this is what this show gave us.

It started as a silly little ghost show, and ended up becoming an exploration of family and home. While watching this show, I laughed, I cried, I became angry, I felt frustrated, I felt helpless, I became excited, I felt disheartened and so much more. To me, a show that managed to make me feel so much is a good show. I had a wonderful time watching it.

Was the ending of this show happy or sad? You could say it was neither, or you could say it was both. And that is why I think it was the best ending for this show. I am glad that my ragtag family of weirdos can stay together and start a new journey together. Suradech is alive and well, and so are the other four, and that's all I wanted from the ending. Because as long as you live, the possibilities are endless.

Peaceful property will always have a place in my heart.

Side note 1: I really appreciate the fact that Suradech remained the mvp till the very end. He really saved the day. Suradech is the ultimate best boy. Making a shades wearing bodyguard without any dialogue so endearing to the point I was willing to get into a fight for him is the real achievement of this show in my opinion.

Side note 2: I have a lot of things to say about family and familial love in this series. This is something that has been brewing in my mind since the first episode so my thoughts re all jumbled. But I will write an essay once I manage to organize my thoughts.

Side note 3: I was not scared by the horror part of this show. I don't know if it was because I am genuinely that unbothered by horror or because I was too busy appreciating the ghost makeup. Whatever the reason may be, the primary emotion I associated with the ghosts was sadness, not fear. The team truly did a great job with the ghosts.

[neighbourscat]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐌 , nicholas alexander chavez

OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

𓈒  ˙ ꪆৎ   ꣹  ۫  𖨂 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 . .. . college theatre student!nicholas c. X college criminology student!black!fem!reader. || second person ( you, yours, you’re ) + lowercase intended.

+ synopsis. the chime is instant. the ping is small, fleeting, but it can change everything.

+ cw. none, honestly! story does not follow the exact storyline of kdrama love alarm!

+ nali’s notes; started this at 11pm & finished at 1am, wowie ( finished proofreading at 3:59am ) remembered i could write whatever i want and cooked this sweet thing up! season1 of love alarm actually changed my life & wow ( i watched it years ago during quarantine ). kdrama romance is soooo omg yes to me. this story features simon-boy!chavez ( banging hawt white man in glasses! ). wordcount :: 2.0k+

+ to be played: her, the american dawn. || alternative: out of my league, fitz and the tantrums.

OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

the simple things in life were usually the most appealing to nicholas; he found beauty in everything. the gentleness and sweetness and softness of what just is. like a walking through the park and stepping on dried autumn leaves and hearing the loud crunching under the bottoms of his brown boots. he didn’t need things to be complicated or intricate or extra extravagant. nothing could ever compare to the simple things. the simple things; which are the most beautiful, he often said to his diverse friend group ( greta, jennie, and savion ) — who differed. it was the little things that were worth a bajillion; it’s the little things that actually kept the people united . .. .

the love alarm app — bless the creator's heart, trying to make everyone's love-lives just a tad bit easier — had felt like a cheap gimmick to him, a way to boil down something so genuine as love into a few lines of code and a glowing screen. love wasn’t supposed to be instant. it was supposed to be discovered in moments that people missed if they weren’t looking carefully: the sound of someone’s laugh, the way that someone spoke when they thought no one was listening, or how their eyes seemed to glisten and sparkle when they raved about a topic they were super passionate on, or how that someone looked when they thought they were alone; that soft .. restful expression.

the concept of love alarm felt pretty intrusive — he hated the idea that someone’s private feelings could be revealed in an instant, no choice, no control. he’d seen people’s lives change because of love alarm; friends who’d been devastated by unrequited pings, others who’d basked in the glow of a dozen notifications. people flocked to it like moths to a flame, their lives ruled by the chime of the app, their heads constantly buried in their screens, hoping for a sign that someone — anyone — loved them. it was kind of sad.

but his friends had insisted he get the app, just to keep up with the rest of society. and so, reluctantly, he did, though he kept it on silent and usually out of sight.

on this particular friday afternoon, he’d been wandering through the library, killing time before an upcoming class: philosophy. in one hand, he held his notebooks and in the other, a pen which he’d been twirling along his fingers skillfully. the place was almost empty; many having already left for the weekend or back in their dorms to sleep, except for a few students spread out with laptops and thick stacks of books. the quiet settled over him like a comfort, the kind of stillness that felt rare and safe; which he adored. he dropped the pen into a breast pocket of his jacket and slipped his phone out of a back pocket, not because he wanted to check love alarm, but to see the time, to make sure he wasn’t late ..

nicholas was about to put it back when he noticed something unusual on his screen — a faint, pulsating light outlining the love alarm icon. it took a second for him to register what it meant .. a quiet ping! the beating of a heart; a calm, relaxed heart. his lips almost curved up into a silly smile. someone in the library had on their love alarm .. and that someone loved him. someone within a 10mile radius loves you, his screen read.

nicholas’ first instinct was to ignore it, to pretend he hadn’t noticed. but curiosity had a way of creeping in and eating at his insides, no matter how much he tried to brush it off. he’d never really thought about the possibility that someone’s alarm would go off for him; he wasn’t the type to attract attention, and he liked it that way .. immediately with the knuckle of his right index finger, he pushed the round, wire-framed glasses ( the ones that framed his face perfectly ) further up his nose-bridge.

the notification sat there, quiet yet unignorable, a tiny reminder that he wasn’t as invisible as he thought — with his wired headphones, blocking out the rest of the world with one, single tune and a pocket of his messenger bag stuffed messily with crossword-puzzle, sudoku, and word-search books — he wasn’t just one of those background figures, the kind people always overlooked.

nicholas looked around, scanning the aisles, the nooks and corners of the library. there wasn’t anyone he recognized, just a few scattered figures with their heads down, lost in whatever they were reading and researching. but then he noticed you .. sitting alone and rapidly typing away at your laptop’s keyboard. you and him had advanced literature 1002 together — your brown face partially hidden by tight, dark curls. he liked how you .. wore your natural hair out and how it seemed to puff up and get bigger everyday.

you seemed engrossed in your assignment; you were content with your own company and focused, completely oblivious to the world around you, a quiet presence that somehow drew him in. he couldn’t see your face completely, but he was sure it was you .. for there was something so familiar. he looked in a bit more .. and there it was: that mini deer plush that dangled from a chain attached to your light-brown leather purse; your bestest friend had the matching mini bunny. and then it was the pair of miniature, light pink pointe-shoes keychain — he remembered earlier in the semester, during an icebreaker, you had said that you danced all your life .. and if you could, you’d choose your dream career.

nicholas considered for a moment — you didn’t look like someone who’d use love alarm honestly .. . not with your old, worn-out white sweater and laptop that seemed to anchor you in place; in other words, you looked too mature and far too sensible for this app — nicholas stared down at his screen .. yet, his alarm was still quietly blinking. pulsating. you hadn’t looked up, hadn’t glanced in his direction, but he could feel it — he knew it was you .. hidden feelings broadcasted, revealed in a single notification.

suddenly, his heart started to pound, a feeling he hadn’t expected or wanted. he didn’t know you, not exactly, but that small, cute light on his phone was a reminder of something he wanted to be apart of. you were close enough to set off his alarm, which meant something, even if he wasn’t sure what yet. he was about to turn away, to brush it off as some strange coincidence, but before he could, you lifted your head.

your eyes met his — just for a second, but it was enough. your gaze was soft, almost searching, and there was a flicker of surprise there too, as if you hadn’t expected anyone to notice you. you looked back to your laptop, un-reacting, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d seen right through him, that somehow you too knew. it was unnerving, this sudden awareness — and then his gaze shifted and there was a girl .. staring at him, hard.

dianna halse; a gorgeous white girl so far out of his league.

his attention went back to the faint glow on his phone and the quiet connection it hinted at — a connection he hadn’t sought out, but one that seemed to have found him anyway and .. one that might not even be you.

and after a few moments, you stood up, gathering your things in a slight rush, as if you’d suddenly remembered somewhere else you had to be — your next class, maybe. nicholas watched you go, feeling a strange pull, an ache he wasn’t sure he understood .. and once you were out of his circle, the heart on his phone was still blinking. beating. pulsing. that single, silent confession wasn’t from you .. the app had confirmed.

“hi …” it took him a few seconds to pull his stare from your shrinking form. he clicked his phone off and dropped it into a back pocket. nicholas fixed his spectacles, quickly, and blinked down at the blonde standing before him. he faked a tight-lipped grin, and then he responded after leaving her hanging for about thirty seconds: “dianna. hello. how are you .. this afternoon?” not smooth at all, but rather robotic and awkward.

if they had gone to highschool together, dianna halse would have bullied ( destroyed ) him and broke him into itty-bitty pieces. he would bet on it. before her transformation into the real world, aka college, dianna h. was the epitome of a “mean girl” — swift with biting remarks, highly judgmental, and overly aggressive — and would have never associated with someone like nicholas; a theatre / glee kid, kind-of proper, unfashionable, lacking social skills and a woman’s touch, unabashedly geeky, and highly insecure.

“i’m doing pretty okay-“ she smiled at his acknowledgment of her and followed in step as he started off through the library again, back on track. “-i’m glad to’ve run into you, nicholas. i, uh, jus’ wanted to ask you about something-“ dianna struggled to keep pace — in her studded heeled-ankle boots — with nicholas, who won’t even make eye contact with her. dianna, on the other hand, glanced up at him every few seconds, praying he’d slow himself down. “nothing school or work related …”

nicholas stopped at the exit door — the one that led straight to the charleston building, where his 3:30pm philosophy class was located. his eyes found hers and he waited, undoubtedly annoyed and obviously disappointed. dianna saw the look he’d been giving her and how his shoulders were slumped, she opted not to take up anymore of his time. “there’s a gathering next friday night at wilder hall .. something nice and cute before thanksgiving break, and, well, i was wondering, really .. if maybe you’d want to tag along with me?”

his eyes widened, just a fraction, clearly taken aback. “.. what? me? ..” a smile started to pull at dianna’s lips, her hand reaching up to rake through a golden wave. “ .. like .. the both of us? .. i-together?” looking like a couple. there was nothing casual about this invite, he knew. dianna rang his love alarm and she was taking action, after waiting so long. “mhm. that’s right,” dianna said, moving the golden wave behind her shoulder, “and it’ll be fun.” he studied her intently, not yet giving her an answer. “let this be how i ‘thank you’ for being my amazing- .. -ly fun unpaid tutor.”

nicholas could feel a lump forming in his throat as he tried to find the right words — a polite way to tell this ex-cheerleader ‘no’ — in fear that she’d probably tell him off for declining her, which was something that he knew had never happened to her. the thoughts in his head all rushed together, soon producing: “can i .. think about it?” — his own words feeling heavy on his tongue — a safe guard, one that surely won’t last until next friday. she’ll need the answer eventually .. by sunday afternoon presumably.

dianna gave a light nod, she supposed he could. “‘kay ‘kay,” the young woman said first, “yeah, of course. just .. y’know, text or call or, uhm .. find me when you have an answer.” no, he told himself, sunday afternoon was too late. he had to break the news on saturday morning. yup, he’ll text her ‘no’ .. but not straight-up, because that’s a bit harsh, right? she seems to actually want him there, so he’ll have to express immense sorrow and misfortune. three-no-four sentences at least, he thought. with the correct punctuation marks and a few emojis, he has himself a get-out-of-jail card.

“will do.”

[drakewyne]

nancy got a massive star anise in that turkish coffee blend an iraqi man had brought her from a trip abroad — that’s fine, she doesn’t mind strong flavors and she likes the shape. ba’athist baghdad in the ‘70s would still be their meeting spot.

“would you believe christmas is one of my favorite holidays?”

she takes a sip. it tastes sharp ended like stars.

“actually the way i’ve been acting, i wouldn’t believe it either.”

and this is a godless season.

( cw: sad )

tim recompenses by making a gingerbread man walk over her hand. he has dark chocolate buttons and a royal icing smile. he looks a little stupid, but pleased. nancy squishes a cheek in her hand and wonders what the little cookie’s secret is.

“you have the opposite of seasonal affective disorder,” she comments while tim whistles the vince guaraldi trio, “you have seasonal disaffective disorder.”

“‘please eat me, it’s all i live for. it’s all i fucking live for.’” tim moves the cookie around.

she clicks her tongue: “at least he says it out loud.”

“i always actually felt like christmas kinda made up for the bleak 0 for 8 nature of chanukah,” tim answers, “so this part of the season’s like a reward in and of itself.”

nancy thinks and then snaps off the gingerbread man’s stupid head.

“sorry for shitting all over your pageantry then.”

“i’ve seen bigger shits.”

she separates the eyes and the smile between perfected teeth.

“it’s not your fault,” he mumbles, “everyone gets that this is kinda a bullshit time for you.”

“well,” she frowns, “i’m not really so sentimental.”

“annie.”

she swallows and turns her head to watch the plush snow falling outside. the cottony sound of the fat drops hitting the window fills her mouth with cold sponge cake. her brow pulls, as she’s tried to swallow that too.

“okay,” she begrudgingly admits, “so i’m a little sentimental.”

“and you’re taking this feeling out of place thing a little personally.”

“that’s the most personal feeling you could’ve described.”

“trust me,” tim pops both arms in his mouth, “i know.”

the gingerbread man’s down to a torso and legs, his chocolate buttoned suit delineated with icing.

nancy sips her espresso and lays both hands flat on the table, dark button eyes boring into the wood. when the sheer force of her gaze leaves no exit wounds, she softens up and feels embarrasingly weepy in the throat.

“i can’t really blame anyone,” she admits quietly, “it’s totally all my fault. that’s neutral, i think, it is what it is . . . ”

tim hands her the left leg. she thanks him and takes it in her slim hand.

“everything kinda slows down in winter anyway,” tim explains, “it’s just too quiet a season for you.”

“and for you?”

“are you kidding? i get free reign when it’s quiet like this- i go ice skating and everything.”

nancy huffs, humored. then she looks at him, and something in his eyes is sheer crystal truth. she angles her head.

“no way.”

“i actually do.”

“are you good?”

“i’m alright.”

“shut the hell up,” she shakes her head, “i hate when you do that. it means you’re actually dead good.”

“you know everyone was happy that you showed. don’t feel bad about psyching them out a little.”

there’s a star on top of the christmas tree. she thinks about the angel that used to top hers.

“if we had a pool for every time we weren’t sure if someone was showing,” tim leans back, “dick’d make the top spot every year.”

they got a fresh tree every year. and there’s a new family in that house. the angel topper?

“you can take your time. wouldn’t even matter if we split- you’d still get an invite for next year.”

she’s not totally sure where it went off to.

“hey, don’t cry-”

“i’m not,” she blinked, surprised by the accusation, “i’m not.”

then she touched beneath her eyes and realized she was.

she explained briefly that she got her dad a safe, soft balsa wood model plane and the truth was simply that he actually liked it, he was slightly excited, he loves planes. did she ever tell him that? no? oh, well, he loves planes and understands them in a way that feels bigger than what they are.

and the truth was simply that she loved him and understood him in a way that was bigger than his six feet and five inches.

both of them would prefer that the thing they love not hold them to it.

nancy and tim in his old room. she pushes the clutch ( removes her makeup ) and he pulls the choke ( unwinds her scarf from her neck ). she hates being weepy like this. she thinks it’s disgustingly indelicate and slightly rude of her considering the fanfare. she looks around at his walls and feels so much of him in the dark paint and the boyish bedspread. quintessential adolescent. blue and grey checkered and everything. he had a sony stereo right above it with headphones waiting for him to come back.

“what were you last listening to in here?” she asks.

tim presses the disc eject and scrutinizes the cd. “slowdive. souvlaki. banger album.”

“when was that?”

“don’t remember putting a cd in here recently,” he shrugs, “so i guess five years ago or so.”

she sits on the bedspread and the mattress catches her weight. from below, there’s a muffled degree of cheerful noise. his curtains are open, and the white flurries around outside.

“i don’t think i can get you out of here,” he wincingly admits, “storm’s getting too gnarly to drive in.”

“do you know where alfred would’ve taken my bags?”

“probably just by the coats.”

“can you bring them? i just want my sweater.”

he does. he watches her pull her clothes off and finds it slightly even more intimate to watch nancy put a sweater on.

“i turn into this big baby when i’m the littlest bit jetlagged,” she brushes it off, putting lotion on her peachy face after taking out her contacts, “i just get super ridiculous.”

“have you tried puking? i just puke.”

“i like the efficiency in that. get it all out.”

“i move fast.”

“i actually really like your room,” nancy looks up at the ceiling, “it’s cute you put stars up there.”

he lay beside her, squinting: “forgot i did that. anyway you’re wrong and it’s actually metal. these are the constellations you see from apokolips — where darkseid lives. it’s in this dimension that you need a boom tube to get to.”

“oh my god,” nancy sighs, shutting her eyes, “you had such a fucked up childhood.”

“my bad.”

she touches his hand and he turns his palm up to make it easier. she was just curious, just wondering, but did he ever hold hands in this room like this? no. too many people and too little respect for closed doors and too much urgency. he was making moves without a home field advantage. a panicky adolescent bravery.

“not to mention, my room wasn’t ever really suitable for visitors.”

“it still isn’t back at yours.”

“then i guess there is no stopping sister nancy after all. i’m glad they made that song real.”

she laughs lightly, low and slow and dizzy. then she apologizes quietly for being a pain about everything. then she asks him to tell everyone that she really appreciates the invitation, but she can’t hang. he will.

he says, “hey, before you go to sleep.”

tim has likely been eating his body weight in gingerbread all night, but she likes strong flavors and it feels sharp ended like stars. his hair crushed against her head and this was an unfamiliar, surprising custom that she blinked over. this closeness. this buoy knocking of skulls.

“nobody thinks there’s a way you’re supposed to feel about anything, but i’ll still leave out the part where you started crying.”

kissing would be easier. would at least give her something to do with her hands.

“the patience’s actually kinda annoying,” he admits, “give it a few hours over breakfast and you’ll be begging to get called out.”

yet as is historically true for her, the long way out is objectively the best way.

“you think it’s a little stupid, right?” she asks hesitantly.

tim doesn’t give her what she wants. he keeps his face the same.

“how you feel doesn’t have anything to do with what’s stupid or not.”

“i know better.”

“how you feel doesn’t have anything to do with knowing shit either.”

“tim,” she shuts her bird egg eyes, “do you remember what happened?”

“i remember what i think happened.”

“well, i remember everything. i remember it all super clearly.”

“ . . . i believe you.”

she opens her eyes.

[mikeellee]

Hi Mikeellee

The posts we were talking about got me thinking...

It's sad we don't get to see what Heroes think of the commercialisation of Pro Heroes

All Might puts his body on the line to save people, and there's some CEO who makes massive amounts of cash selling merch off him

I can see Pro Heroes wanting a cut of the money not to have a problem with being commercialised

But we don't see anyone who's against it

We don't even get a reaction to there being Stain Merch

Pro Heroes were killed or crippled by Stain, yet there's a greedy pig making money off selling merch of the Hero Killer

No one even says anything!!?

Like it's normal to do this in Hero Society

People think Stain had a problem with it, which he did, but he loves All Might who doesn't have a problem with businesses making merch off him

What a hypocrite

Hi @kite2013

Honestly? Why would anyone, in a capitalist setting, be against profit? It is stated the hero JOB is one of the most profitable ones.

So Izu is the odd duck (what surprise 😒) by not give a shit to money and fame....which is admirable but also really dumb of him. We do like praises for our work...and I can't help wonder if Izu not liking fame is him being modest or just traumatized?

Maybe both

Its not as if hori cares.

But am does come across like a hypocrite...also, his issues with Gran does make him look worse.

1) if Gran is this cruel and ruthless sensei...why let Izu go with him or at least heads up him?

2) we don't see anything between izu and Gran training that could indicate "this man is a sadistic" but I can point out am is friendly with Nezu.

3) AM's big help was let izu clean the beach alone while fans hover am and ignore izu.

I think that gag "oh no my sensei is super scary" makes am look like a fool.

Hori hates izu, shig and am in this order.

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

To expand on this as a professional Dennis woobifier myself: I think the goal of myself as well as the other Dennis fans I’ve talked to is to acknowledge and discuss the reasons WHY "bad people" do the things they do. Discussing Dennis’ traumas and how they explain why he treats people the way he does isn’t meant to be a justification or excuse for the awful ways Dennis treats people, more to highlight the fact that he’s a human being with feelings that fuel the way he behaves. I think a lot of people find comfort in the idea that rapists/abusers/"bad people" are a completely unique type of human completely different from the rest of us "normal people", when in reality they’re just as human as everyone else and they behave the ways they do for human reasons, as uncomfortable as that can be to think about. So I think talking about Dennis’ humanity and pain and struggles and seeing and acknowledging the ways in which we ourselves relate to Dennis helps to contextualize and acknowledge the reasons people are abusive in the first place and the actual ways we can curb these behaviors in ourselves and others beyond just saying "well Bad People are just Bad and nothing like us Good People". As prev said I think that is very much the point Glenn is trying to make with the character.

Dennis acts like he’s better than everyone because he hates himself. He wants to have complete control over every other person is his life because he’s terrified of being hurt the way he was as a kid. That is the whole reason they call it the cycle of abuse, which is why I think you’ll find a lot of the biggest Dennis woobifiers are themselves victims of some form of abuse. It’s not about forgiving his actions or ignoring the wrong he’s done, it’s about putting him in his full context as a complete person and the knowledge and understanding we can gain from doing that. That’s why, along with what prev said about the majority of fans seeing Dennis only as an abuser and nothing beyond that in the first place, most analysis doesn't bother disclaiming that this is all being said in the context of Dennis being an abusive person because that’s kind of baked into the premise of analyzing him at all.

And I totally get why that can be jarring if you’re not reading those posts in that context and why it can come across as justifying Dennis’ worst traits or ignoring all his bad behavior in favor of focusing on what a sad pathetic little man he is, but the truth is that abusive people are sad and pathetic and hurt and miserable, they just choose to take those feelings out on other people. But again, the fact that Dennis takes those feelings out on other people is the obvious thing that everyone already knows about him just by watching any random episode of the show, so it's not really interesting to talk about in the same way talking about his trauma or his insecurities or the fact that he does have feelings (including positive feelings) is. That's what makes him such an interesting and realistic character is all the woobie stuff underlying his actions. Again that's the whole point of him being written that way in the first place.

And don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are Dennis fans out there who do use those things to actually excuse and justify his actions, which imo would be taking the woobification too far, but it's not common even among the small circle of Dennis obsessed tumblrinas who call him our princess angel baby, at least not that I've seen. Even without any disclaimers, I've never gotten the impression that anyone is trying to say anything Dennis does is justified or moral, even when we say things like "he did think he was being helpful when he did x", there's the implied "even though he wasn't."

And back to prevs point about Charlie, I think the main difference is that there are a decent subsection of people who woobify him as an excuse for his actions rather than an explanation. Like prev said, saying he's more moral than the rest of the gang, or that he's not as manipulative or toxic as the others, is kind of missing the whole point of his character. Just like with Dennis (and like with every other member of The Gang), the point is that they're awful people who all have reasons why they do the things they do, and who all have good traits mixed in with the bad, because that's how real people work. Talking about Charlie's good traits is a fine thing to do, and talking about the way he justifies his actions to himself and others is great, calling him your precious special boy and putting animal ears on him is beautiful, but if you're taking it to the point of "Charlie is morally superior (and therefore Charlie fans are morally superior)" you've gone too far. And I'm not deep in the Charlie fandom the way I am with the Dennis one so idk how common that actually is, but just like prev said I have seen posts arguing that he actually is a Good Person who is only brought down by the gang, which I've never come across with Dennis. The Gang are all friends for a reason. There's a reason they're the only ones who can stand each other, and it's because they've all done horrible things and so they're all willing to forgive each other and keep being friends, even when they shouldn't.

Opinions on Charlie woobification? Also, do you think the fandom woobifies Dennis (too much)?

A few people have sent me asks about my thoughts on Dennis being woobified in the fandom and I’ve failed to answer them (sorry). Not for lack of interest on the subject, it’s just hard to answer. I think, though, answering this Charlie question in the same ask might make it easier to explain my thoughts on this.

When we talk about the fandom we’re generally talking about the people here, a couple hundred people on Twitter, maybe some Instagram stans(?) and tend to ignore the million (1,000,000)+ people on the subReddit and the huge chunk of people on Facebook and casual Twitter who are constantly, continually pushing a narrative that these characters have no depth, and thus their characterisation is what we see on the surface and nothing more. I think the one time it’s probably important not to ignore those people as fans of the show is when it comes to woobification.

Because at a surface level, the people who are consuming this show as a comedy and making posts that exhibit their takes/opinions on these characters to the majority of people portray the characters very simply: Charlie is an idiot and the best member of the Gang, in every sense of the word, and Dennis is a mere representation of toxic masculinity to a psychopathic degree. And those opinions are the loud majority.

So any discussion in our minority section of the fandom that woobifies Charlie or Dennis operates within and on top of the general narrative of the public perception (“face value”) of the characters. Woobification of Charlie, then, almost always further infantilises the majority of his traits to contribute to the idea that he’s not a bad guy and doesn’t deserve the position he’s in in life, while woobification of Dennis mostly works to counteract the idea that he’s a cold-blooded psychopath.

In a way, I think you have to woobify Dennis to a degree in order to properly understand his character (and Glenn makes that clear). Do some people take it too far? When it gets into the realm of genuinely somehow believing he’s not a bad person, absolutely, but in over a decade of Sunnyblr posts, I think I’ve seen that conclusion once, maybe twice. I really don’t think any post that’s diving into how Dennis' actions reflect his insecurities and trauma is ever speaking ignorant of the rest of his character, and that normally seems clear to the majority of people because rarely, if ever, does a dive into Dennis woobification cause fans to understand the character worse than they understood him at face value.

Whereas, with Charlie, you constantly do see this. Posts and threads and fights between fans arguing up and down that Charlie is better than the rest of them: he’s the smartest, actually, he means to do good, he shouldn’t be lumped in with the rest of them as sexual predators... People in this fandom genuinely argue that you are a *better person* if you’re a Charlie stan, that Charlie ships are softer, more moral, than toxic Dennis ships. The result of Charlie woobification seems to often make people less media literate about the character (and the show as a whole if we’re being real) than they would be if they just watched at face value.

They’re all morally despicable characters.

TL;DR: Due to the face value perceptions of the characters, woobification is an almost necessary tool for better exploring and understanding Dennis under his surface, while it really only exacerbates an annoying surface-level understanding of Charlie