#but having to read books and learn shit isn't the bad part of high school

[kylejsugarman]

so fucking funny when people act like having to read books and remember equations for high school was oppressive and discriminatory. my dad didn’t have a job for most of my high school career and i had to eat crackers for lunch until my senior year, my best friend died tragically when i was a senior, and my school didn’t add me to the board of graduating seniors and the colleges they were attending because i was gay. but yeah its fucked up we had to read the scarlet letter or whatever

[baejax-the-great]

Absolutely reeling.

So I knew that the origin of "Hector was a great man, moral, noble, better than all of the Greeks" began as Roman propaganda that somehow has made it to now, the year 2023, and is still taught to high school students.

What I did not know was why scholars shit on Achilles as vehemently as they did (and still do).

My copy of Fagles' translation of the Iliad has a preface by a different scholar who I'm not going to bother to name because he's an idiot (and idk probably dead at this point). I read the entire thing, absolutely baffled, because he would cite a part of the text (that I admittedly had not read yet! at all!), quote it, and then come to the most batshit interpretation based on that quote I had ever seen in my life. His general take was that Achilles was a sociopath who had no feelings for anyone other than himself and his own pride, and every action he took (until welcoming Priam into his hut) was done in service of that pride. To support this, he decided that Achilles did not see Patroclus as a person, but rather as an extension of himself, and thus someone injuring Patroclus was them injuring Achilles, and so he did not care about Patroclus, he only cared about his wounded pride.

Yeah.

That sounded wrong before reading the book, and while reading the book all i could think was, "Did we read the same fucking thing???" Put in context, those quotations still did not support his conclusions whatsoever.

But i cracked open Caroline Alexander's "The War That Killed Achilles" last night, and she solves this mystery of "Hector good, Achilles bad" for me right out the gate (which is good because so far I've only read the preface).

Western Europeans by and large learned about the Trojan war from Roman stories, which became fairly popular, and not the Iliad, which was not translated into French or English until centuries later. As mentioned, these were propaganda that cast the Trojans in a much better light than the Greeks because the Romans believed they were descended from Trojan refugees. This starts a trend that is still going on in scholarly circles as casting the Iliad as a war between "barbaric Greeks living in a shitty, lawless camp" vs "civilized, educated, weaving, real-wife-having Trojans," making the Iliad a tragedy in which Homer for some reason skewers his own people and their warlike culture as barbaric while propping up a dead, foreign city-state. This interpretation is still extant and was the postscript to another copy of the Iliad I have.

According to Alexander, scholars closer to Homer's time saw the entire war as a tragedy--both the destruction of Troy AND the destruction of the Greek army. While this is not covered in the Iliad, very few Greeks actually made it home after Troy. Some that did were then outcast (Teucer for example), some were murdered (bye, Agamemnon), some went on to create new kingdoms in other places (Diomedes), but by and large, there was no going home from that war. There was no great victory with all their loot. The entire thing was a disaster for both sides, spurred on by fickle gods.

Back to the more recent European interpretations of this story, one reason Hector ended up cast in such a "good" light, despite being a dumbass who wants to dishonor dead people just as badly as Achilles ever did, was in order to make Achilles look worse. Why was it important that Achilles becomes a villain in this story in which he is very much not a villain? Because Europeans were involved in so much war with each other and the rest of the world that a young, insubordinate man who criticizes his idiot of a commander, decides his life isn't worth throwing away for this war, and refuses to fight to sack a city was an affront to their values. Young men were to be obedient, follow their commanding officers, and colonize the world for queen and country. Achilles suggesting losing his life is not worth it to prop up Agamemnon's war is a dangerous precedent for all the good little soldiers needed to make their nations wealthy.

It's almost funny that these analyses propping up Troy as a beacon of civilization were made by people living in countries so bent on colonizing the world. They identified with the city being sacked and not the greedy sackers of said city, who they were much closer to. And Achilles, educated, morally rigid, emotional Achilles, is recast as a sociopathic asshole who doesn't care about anyone other than himself, unlike all of those other beacons of selflessness among the Greek leadership.

The tragedy of the Iliad is that Achilles is right, the war is pointless, Agamemnon did dishonor the shit out of him, and it doesn't matter because he's going to die in it anyway.

Frankly, given how badly his character has been interpreted for so long, I think the muses owe him an apology.

[animentality]

not to be a boomer, but I do worry about the current generation of kids being raised with iPads.

first off. some of them literally can't hold a pencil because their parents never gave them physical toys to grip and play with, developing their fine motor skills.

you might ask why do we even need to learn how to write physically anymore- well, frankly, because if you're stranded on an island somewhere and you need to write HELP, you might not have the strength to hold a pencil, but you can at least hold a stick.

but on a more general note.

writing by hand helps you remember things better. it forces you to focus in a way that typing something word for word does not. a person can transcribe what a professor says without even thinking about it.

someone writing notes has to consider what to write and what to omit. it also activates more parts of your brain, forcing you to flex the parts of your brain related to learning and communicating, while also engaging the part of your brain dedicated to muscle control and precision.

but in general, I think the issue isn't even oh technology is bad and kids are getting dumber.

you can have PowerPoints AND take physical notes. that could help you learn even better than the olden days where you just had to remember everything that was thrown at you. or read very limited, out of date books.

the problem is that the generation that raised/is raising this generation of children just doesn't understand the true impact that all this technology will have on their kids. or they just don't care.

because our generation had the internet yes, but it wasn't widely accessible for most of us, sharing our computers with the entire family in the kitchen. it was also the internet in its infancy, where it wasn't quite so predatory, when it was lawless and disturbing, yes, but it wasn't weaponized by corporations trying to sell you things and steal your data, it wasn't flooded with bots and ai and all sorts of things that the human brain can't even distinguish as real or fake, especially when you're just a little kid.

that generation still played with physical toys. we celebrated when it snowed and we could stay home.

we also came from a gen that still, vaguely, cared about some form of community and had third spaces for kids to hang out.

90s children, who still had some memories of both playing outside on a playground and playing Mario Kart on the Nintendo 64 with their friends, who both went out to the mall and had a club penguin account.

we grew up with laptops and smart boards. maybe some of us had them in high school or college, but we still physically went to class and developed relationships. learned uncomfortable things about ourselves and others, the way humans do.

met new people and were exposed to new ideas, away from our parents. but not from some fucking influencer trying to sell us Sephora products.

we had to study for things, instead of just being able to Google shit for some bullshit online test.

which is also something that really concerns me. so many kids today can so easily Google answers for every test, and while tests don't ultimately matter in the real world, they still provide some basis for things that do matter.

like I'm just imagining medical students googling how to perform an appendectomy on the day of, and just using a YouTube tutorial to guide them through, and shuddering.

there are some things that the Internet can't teach you.

there always will be.

but I don't think my generation is really helping their kids find the balance that we were given naturally growing up.

the boomers and gen xers had fist fights and we had bullying someone online until they committed suicide.

and now kids use AI to spread fake nudes of girls.

but the laws haven't caught up with a lot of this stuff yet, and certainly won't while we have dinosaurs running our government. and culture takes even longer to change than laws.

I also worry because I know how badly covid affected kids worldwide. how they struggle to read and do math, because remote learning just isn't good for kids.

and I can't even blame them!! I literally teleworked for 4 years and even I can admit that I'm not nearly as good at focusing at home as I am in the office.

it's hard for kids with social anxiety and disabilities, yes I know, I know, trust me, I have social anxiety, and as a hybrid worker ATM, I highly doubt I'd be able to handle 5 days a week in the office.

but it's also not particularly good for kids to stay home ALL the time, entertaining themselves in their room and never being challenged, and never meeting people other than their parents.

the iPad is more of a symbol of that problem than the direct problem.

if your entire... world view is limited to what you can see on your iPad... I mean what a terrible world view you'll have.

you're a 10 year old using TikTok and all you ever see is the same opinion over and over until you can scarcely comprehend people who have an opposing opinion.

you see fake videos that seem so real. that must be real, and so comforting, aren't they, those videos that seem so real?

you let 30 year old influencers who are trying to grift people shape your world view.

and it's not even your fault.

your parents aren't doing anything to help you.

you're young and you're being barraged with entertainment and fake educational videos and how to guides that accidentally create mustard gas in your toilet.

your parents should be teaching you to find a balance between these things. they should be telling you what's real and caution you about the things you see.

they should limit your fucking time on the iPad actually. take you to a fucking park and let you roll in the mud or some shit.

and then when you're a teenager and a young adult, then you can start deciding for yourself what you believe.

but a lot of these weird millennial/gen z parents, man. just let your 1 year old scroll through vids on TikTok while you don't even talk to them or look at them once.

maybe it's because they don't see the harm in it, but I don't get it.

adults can watch TikTok all day and know, ahhh this is bad for me. I'm not doing anything I actually want to be doing.

adults can see other adults doing dumb shit and say ah you're sponsored. someone paid you money to say and do that. silly.

but kids are just kids.

they don't have discipline and frankly, that's not their responsibility. that is yours.

you should be teaching them that they can't have everything in life at their finger tips at all times, actually.

the iPad doesn't solve all of your problems, nor will it think critically for you.

so I worry about if humanity can really keep up with its own technology.

our species is still in its infancy, believe it or not.

so maybe these are just growing pains, and future generations will be able to look back on this era and know the proper balance.

but as someone living in 2024.

I wonder just how much pain is left before we really mature and either make it or break it.

[weebsinstash]

Bully romances are an entirely different can of worms, I love hate-reading them. It’s so frustrating cause the FLs always think with their vaginas even when the guy is their fucking bully/abuser and 99% the dudes are like. Committing felonies against the FLs/other students. The classicism also, cause most of the time it’s always a poor FL getting a scholarship to attend this super rich exclusive academy and she’s treated like shit cause they din’t think she deserves to be there freeloading of the “paying students”.

The synopsis always say “they tried to break me but I’m already broken by my shitty life dancing as a stripper as a 15 year old to support myself after the tragic death of my parents, they don’t know who they’re messing with” or “I’m feisty. I’m defiant. I’m not submissive like everyone else and I’ll fight them” and the book is them being walked all over and doing exactly the opposite. Like I understand not standing up to your bully because you’re afraid and you’re in a position where you can’t do that but girl do you HAVE to suck his dick the first chance you get???? It also has the same issue of 18-year-olds being sex gods who are like. Fucking teachers and getting away with it because money.

Anyways once I read a book where the guys where some on “next leaders of the world” bullshit so their parents would abandon these children in forests and have them fend for themselves and also learn to kill people and fly helicopters I shit you not. Ngl the “rich yandere bullies you, poor scholarship student” actually kinda 😳 juicy with the drama and toxicity potential but those books are just SO BAD.

Part of me is like, i feel like some bully romances could work but, idk, it depends on what you're consuming a story for? Like how sometimes we read angst and stories that are sad and have no happy endings because that's a different form of entertainment and catharsis you know? But if you're writing a story where the bully is the LI then at some point you have to confront all the horrible things they did and make them have consequences, otherwise you just have rhe protagonist getting, basically worn down until they're succumb in my opinion? Like that's one thing that bugs me when the bully aspect is brought up in these werewolf stories because they'll literally use pack dynamics and the mate bond to like brainwash their lovers against their will. Like there was one story I never even posted about that I dropped very quickly because the plot was "girl with strong wolf literally gets drugged with pheromones to have sex with her notoriously mean Alpha mate, she really doesn't have a choice, he wears her down enough that she isn't resisting by the time he decides 'oh I won't mark you by force I want you to want me'" but like, I'm trying to remember all the heinous shit he did? She didn't want to have sex with him and he orders her on her hands and knees and literally puts pheromones inside of her so she's aroused enough for them to have sex like that's drugging and coercion and rape like he literally puts her in the dungeon for a time out "until she learns her place"? And HES THE ML???? IM SUPPOSED TO LOOK PASSED THAT? Sorry I don't care if he spends 20 years apologizing. What is this mindset that some horrible things can be undone, like sometimes the fact you did it in the first place is enough to warrant consequences

You're hitting the nail on the head with that synopsis description bc before I pick a story I usually read the description and my god are some of them baaaaaad, and no grammar sometimes too 🙄 what is the vetting process for some of these? Some concepts just sound so kooky and also as an adult it can be skeezy when a lot of these stories are like, talking about minors in high-school having sex? Like sometimes they emphasize werewolves are naturally beautiful and sometimes they'll just basically sleep around with humans just for some warm holes that adore them and theres some fucked up mentality in that.

(As a side note I just found another audiobook thats like appropriate length and it seems high production value and even like the skill of the author is standing out to me 😳 but. I think the protag is the man in the relationship and I prefer when it focuses on the ladies but, lmao I guess more werewolf drama posts coming soon? Wow they make this girl bathe in the river and use an outhouse and she's the previous Alpha's daughter and an Alpha herself :/)

Tbh now that I'm, you know, getting older and I'm 26 now I don't mind toooo much when the male love interests are young but like don't throw that "he's only 20 and he's the richest ceo in the entire world and he owns a private island factory and owns 50 Bugattis and his dick is 10 inches" shit at me ok, and he's 20 and to me that means he might as well be like 16. Give me a man in his 30s or 40s. Where are the silver foxes. Let me fuck someone's fit grandpa. Reinhardt from Overwatch can still get in these guts

But yeah I really need to actually back into my phone bookmarks and catch up on all my manhwa again because a lot of them were really cathartic in terms of getting revenge and also, I didn't have to pay by the chapter for those 😅

[slow-dieve]

it ends with us

— i don't understand why people are so bitchy over this book. while i understand why people dislike colleen hoover as she's a terrible person in itself along with her writing, the only thing i found wrong about her regarding books is that her writing is terrible and some of the lines are fucking stupid like that one about a baby's balls. i do not condone colleen hoover in any way but IEWU, being my first ever book, my opinion is obviously not very reliable and i've DEFINITELY read better books. HOWEVER, the overall message of the book was for a good cause as it spreads awareness for domestic abuse and the writing wasn't as bad as people described it to be (keep in mind this was my first book so i didn't have a clear definition of what book was good or not) and overall, i feel people have made this book look wore than it is. though, i do agree that i dislike how atlas was 18 and lily was like... 15?? 16?? when they first became intimate so i understand completely if that's why people dislike the entire book but it's REALLY not as bad as other people make it out to be. while i'm not a literacy genius and my viewpoint may be influenced by the fact that i don't remember much from the book and i didn't have much disdain for it when i first finished it, i think the book wasn't good but it wasn't the WORST of what colleen has written.

it starts with us

— i honestly don't remember much from the book but i do know that atlas and lily end up dating and shit and i thoroughly enjoyed that because it seemed wholesome to me. i don't really have a grasp on why people dislike this sequel so much?? as i said, i'm not a literacy genius so my opinion isn't supposed to be the absolute truth of what this book is bc that, quite literally, is what an opinion is defined as.

no longer human

— quite a jump here, i know. but i used to read this book before i went to bed because the size of it wasn't really intimidating and so i enjoyed it. however, i would leave the book once i had felt sleepy which means i most likely didn't comprehend what i was reading since the writing wasn't as plain as such like colleen's or anything, and so i couldn't really grasp the concept of what NLH was about and what the words were talking about. i STILL don't understand the plot up 'til now, and i wish i could've read it properly, which would've been when i could understand his writing more. however, i did feel connected to the protagonist regarding his need to entertain with learned jest. but, that's pretty much it.

the picture of dorian gray

— this book was very hard for me to read bc i wasn't used to such writing yet but i did end up finishing it. i couldn't enunciate my hunger for beauty more if i don't use dorian gray, par exemple. i found the concept of the aging painting very interesting, and the way dorian would describe how the painting would change overtime was always eerie. i honestly laughed at some parts of the book more than i truly felt connected to it, and overall it was an interesting read.

the secret history

— my view of life changed when i finished this book. i immediately felt connected to richard papen with his need to try and fit in with this 'high society' regarding the small circle he was confronted with. and honestly, all the entire debaucherious acts that were performed throughout the book were unfathomable and there were numeeous levels of disgust that i had experienced while reading this book. i loved each of the characters so much and i love how donna tart wrote the characters and richard's POV. i felt as though the pace was perfect (contrasting the opinion of many), but i think the amount of time i read the book had influenced that opinion bc i finished it in 3 days, so i never really paid mind to the pace. i've always loved books set in school and had that academia atmosphere to it, so TSH was a joy to read. the way the circle's lives were all so tragedious really made me uncomfortable, thinking about how they had to move forward with the murder they all had decided to partake on, and rightfully so. despite never being caught, they were never free from the blood on their hands. francis and richard never being able to explore their desires KILLEDDD me but, hey, the book was great in itself. the characters all scared me in their own ways, and that ominous feeling will always stay present alongside my love for TSH.

twisted love

— no words and no being if not myself will ever be able to fathom my utter disdain over this entire series. i had decided to humor booktok, believing i was about to read one of the most compelling and interesting books with, of course, a reasonable amount of smut, but i was greeted with nauseating descriptions of bodies and passages from aroused individuals every two syllables. while i appreciated the ACTUAL interesting storyline regarding the family thing, everything was just about sex once the entire conflict had been solved and subsided. ana huang's writing is decent but not eye-catching at all. while there were certain passages i'd chuckle on, everything else left me depraved of an actual storyline.

twisted games

— ana huang managed to convince me that she could actually write a good book with this one. while i wanted to slit my throat everytime there was a horny line and MORE descriptions of bodies, the plot was interesting. while it was extremely unrealistic and i had to force my eyes open to continue reading and EVERYTHING was so goddamn stupid, i liked the parts where the FMC would use her position as princess → queen. everything else was so goddamn demented it's insane. no, i don't think the FMC would be able to strut in her castle and sit down for a meeting with all these royal douchebags and i CERTAINLY don't want to hear about the extremely unnecessary sideplot of someone recording FMC and MC's sextape. everything about this series is so stupid

twisted hate

— this is by far the worst book in the series. no, it's not because it's extremely boring (i am currently 45% finished) or bevause they both don't have occupations like being a fucking queen, knight, ceo, whatever whatever, it's the writing. i was actually very enthusiastic over this book because the FMC reminded me of my first ever oc because they shared similar attributes (red hair, brown eyes, the personality, law student) and the MC was a doctor with a charming demeanor, but NO. the book was instantly ruined for me the first time i saw the adjectives used for the FMC. are u fucking forreal? jessica rabbit? the constant mention of her double d's and big, brown eyes? i will fucking end someone's life oh my god. i can't even finish this book anymore bc the plot is so basic and overused. FMC and MC have a FWB relationship, they get all tsundere w eachother, then they end up dating and continue having lame heterosexual intercourse for the rest of their life. is this supposed to be interesting???? i love that they're both determined and intelligent colleagues with bright futures but this book holds no interesting plot whatsoever. the constant sexualization in each of these books make my stomach churn AND IT SHOULDN'T, because i was aware this entire series basically relied on smut, but it's just so fucking bad. ask me what my rating is from 1-10 and i'd tell you it's the same amount of autism i have. IT'S NOT EVEN IN THE RANGE, THE SPECTRUM, IT'S HORRIBLE. IT'S ALL HORRIBLE. NONE OF THESE BOOKS IN THIS GODFORSAKEN SERIES HAVE ANY SORT OF MEANINF WHATSOEVER. THIS ISN'T LITERATURE, THIS IS AN INSULT TO THE EDUCATION I WAS PROVIDED WITH WHICH GRANTED ME THE ABILITY TO READ. MEDIA LITERACY IS A JOKE IF THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO INDULGE IN. THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DEFINE AS A GOOD, WELL-WRITTEN SERIES? DOES A HARD DICK MAKE YOUR LITERACY FLY OUT YOUR PANTS? WHERE ARE YOUR EYES, DEMENTED LITTLE BOOKTOK BRAINROTTING FUCKS???????

if you could see the sun

— the only thing interesting in this book is the sideplot regarding their family and sun yan's background. this should not be classified as a book about academic rivals TO LOVERS, THEY JUST GIVE EACHOTHER A PECK. AND WHY WAS ALICE'S DISAPPEARING QUIRK NEVER EXPLAINED???? AND WHY DID THE BOOK PROCEED SO QUICKLY???? WHAT EVEN WAS THE PLOT???? all this book does is describe how perfect the golden boy MC is and how he beats FMC anyday, everyday, and that he's suuuuuuuch a great coder, business negotiator, and a family man. SHUT THE HELL UP. why is the MC so hyped up for having the BLANDEST PERSONALITY I'VE EVER COME ACROSS???? YOU'RE ASIAN! YOU'RE NOT WHITE! WHY IS YOUR PERSONALITY COMPOSED OF TRAITS WITHOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING TO ADD ONTO IT!??? sure you have this little heart2heart with alice about your background but that's literally it. you stay a borinf ass character for the rest of the book and everybody sucks your dick for that???? FUCKING CHRIIIISTTTTTT EVEN BOOKS WON'T LET ME ESCAPE THE REALITY OF HOW OUR SOCIETY FUNCTIONS. sun yan is an interesting character AND YET, EVEN SO, SHE ENDS UP BEINF BORING ASWELL. FINE! GO BE WITH YOURSELVES TOGETHER. YOU'RE ONLY WITH EACHOTHER BECAUSE BORINF BITCHES STICK TOGETHER RO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF PERSONALITY THEY HAVE. TRUST ME, TWO PLAIN BITCHES CAN'T MIX TO GROW A PERSONALITY TOGETHER. YOU ARE RUBBING FLOUR TOGETHER IN HOPES OF MAKING COCAINE. AND NOT TO MENTION THE ABSOLUTELY HORRIBKE WRITING OF ANN LIANG. I MAY BE EXAGGERATING BECAUSE IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BAD, BUT IT'S NOT VERY COMPELLING EITHER. THIS IS ANA HUANG ALL OVER AGAIN. FUCK THIS LITERACY.

[hergan416]

Just finishing up with chapter 3 of Dorian Gray.

There are two lines that just spoke to me in the last couple of paragraphs after Dorian leaves and leaves Lordy Henry to his thoughts. Each will have separate posts.

The first is his paragraph on experience.

"All that it really demonstrated was that our future would be the same as our past, and that the sin we had done once, and with loathing, we would do many times, and with joy."

I have to stab at this, because the first time I read through [the 1891 edition], this line yanked me around and was like "oh shit that's so true." And it still has that brain feel for me, that the only point in analyzing ourselves is to find out our tendencies. Especially in terms of hedonism, where you are learning to ignore past self restraint, this feels accurate.

I'm an ex-Catholic. It took a long while before certain parts of what I now consider "the normal human experience" felt safe, or comfortable, or like they weren't transgressive. I still struggle with thought-censure, and an unwillingness to verbalize or act on certain inner desires irl (this may shock people familiar with my blog). I imagine that someone who didn't agree with Victorian England ideals around say...purity would have a very similar experience. It's a particularly good statement for a character like Lord Henry Wotton, who superficially serves the role of the "experienced bad influence" in the narrative.

Most of Lord Henry's statements read like statements by a philosophy major playing devil's advocate to me. Espcially one who is drunk or high at a party and trying to impress people with their wit. Or somewhere extremely anonymous, like 4chan, where ideas can be shared without any espcial attachment to them or their truthfulness. When speaking, he rarely comes across as genuine, merely clever, a good speaker, but not someone to be trusted or believed. [This could be something i as a reader am bringing to the book, I certainly have a different experience with intellectualism as a state school graduate who doesn't use my degree and views my time in school as a pleasant, experimental diversion, compared to Wilde, who went to Oxford and then went on to join high society and be considered a thinker/wit/personality.] But here...Lord Henry is making statements to himself. We can reasonably be assured that at least in this moment he believes them.

BUT this time through, thinking of the statement in isolation and not as a reflection on Dorian Gray's love for Sybil Vane, or specifically puritanism/Victorianism, I don't think it is anything more than a truism. It feels true when you read it because you are thinking of a specific topic, in a specific frame of mind. But if you eat something and it tastes bad, you don't seek the food out again. If a person treats you horribly, you dump them and don't look back. You aren't stuck repeating past mistakes, with the only difference being you enjoy doing it now.

I watched a loved one go through recovery and set aside an addictive chemical, go through hell and high water to get clean. Sure he will always be at risk for relapse, that's how addiction works. But to say experience has taught him nothing and isn't useful in helping him change his behavior, in fact only dooms him to repeat his "sin" and this time enjoy it more seems unequivocally false to me.

People can and do change. This statement imagines people as static, stuck in their personalities and unable to do much about them. This may be true of some things, but not all.

Ok so I've gone and thought about it and had a conclusion. But why do that at all?

What is the point of me trying to parse out what is actually universally true, what the character Lord Henry believes, and what he is merely saying in experimentation (on himself or on Dorian)? An I claiming Lord Henry is serving as a mouthpiece for Wilde here? And why engage as though this is philosophy and not literature? Literature is not philosophy, and Wilde makes it exceptionally clear he does not view this book as morally instructive. Why should I care about whether statements in it can be taken at face value?

First, it's hard NOT to engage with a text so full of philosophy for what it is!

I am a reader. I bring to the book my own experiences, centuries later, and try to parse what this book means to me. And there has to be someplace, in the intersection of authorial intent, text on the page, and reader interpretation that allows for a conversation, where I look at what Lord Henry is saying and make my own conclusions about the veracity of his statements, how his character makes me feel, what I want to happen over the course of the novel. This is my prerogative, maybe even my duty as Reader. In fact, me doing this is probably intended. I can't imagine Wilde lacked the self awareness to not see how people might respond at the time. Surely the audience was doing far more of this in the late 1800s than I am in the early 21st century.

And second, even as Wilde proclaims the separation of art and philosophy, he's still making statements (the annotations suggest) he hopes will impact the growing field of psychology, for instance. In fact, that's what happens in the whole following paragraph!

Conveying ideas does not mean subscribing to them, nor does reading a text. But as I'm learning from the annotations, while Wilde was an artist with the strongest opinions about the role of art in life, he dabbled in MANY other intellectual fields and had opinions about nearly all of them, many of which appear in this book.

While I certainly don't think you should use The Picture of Dorian Gray to convict Oscar Wilde of gross indecency, you can still see many parallels between the ideas in the book and the ideas in Wilde's speeches about art, or his essay The Soul of Man Under Socialism, or his private communications to friends. The book is fiction, but the author, even by his own admission is still there.

And regardless of whether you can kill off the author and ignore him...why can't literature and philosophy intersect? What is the difference between a story and a thought experiment?

[alesreadings]

Supernatural Academy: Year One by Jaymin Eve.

✧ 3 stars. ✧ "Knowing I have you guys in my corner... it means everything. I would cut a bitch for you. Girl power, my friend. This is girl power."

I guess I'm out of my reading slump, or trying to. This book took me a while for that reason: my reading slump has last at least 3 months, and I'm slowly recovering, lol. I'm still debating so hard with this one. Maddison James lives a "normal life", moving on from city to city and changing her hair color every year on her birthday, january 1st... Until a tracker finds her and tells her that she isn't human and has to go to an Academy to learn how to control her power or she will be dangerous for the humans, yada, yada, yada. I like books with the academy / boarding school trope, because I missed my teen years due depression (that's a story for another day, lol) and so, I think they're pretty cool, entertained and a little bit refreshing. I like the idea of making new friends who will be with you fighting darkness and that kind of shit. This one, however, didn't feel as much as I expected (that's also why I don't make illusion with books in general). Maddison is recluted by Ilia and she goes to the Supernatural Academy. But there's something weird with Maddi: she doesn't know where does she fits, in which specie: demi-fae, magic users, vampires, shapeshifters, etc. Year One is basically a high school with people of 20+ years old. We have the girls who think they're superior than everyone else, the irrelevant people, the daughter of the princeps and the hot guys who don't mix with the other kids, and that also are so fucking powerful because why not? Maddi draws the attention to her in the moment she arrives to the Academy. Maddi falls into the arms of the super popular, hot, rich and powerful boy, Asher. The conection between them two is so goddamn fast. In matter of seconds, they know something is going on between them... The normal thing, right? The bad bitches mess up with Maddi and warn her to stay away from the hot kids. Another total normal thing. The pace is a little bit fast. Some characters are easy to love or to hate. Maddi is annoying, I still don't know if shelf this book as "badass female mc" or as "stupid female mc because Maddi was both sometimes. In the second half of the book, I get to dislike her. Asher was pretty good at the beginning of the book. It was towards the end when he became the asshole overprotective "hero" that believes he can decide over the girl and ugh, I wanted to kick him so bad. AXL IS MY FAVE NERDY HOT BOY, DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY BOY. Rone was being hostile with Maddi at first but suddenly he's like "I will protect you" and ?????? wHAT THE FUCK!! Jesse and Calen are sweethearts and I must protect them but still, they lack of personality and development. This is not a reverse harem (I don't like them tbh), even if it feels like that. While many people likes the bad boy with dark hair, edgy and rude and annoying, I like the hot nerd dude who's always with a book. Don't ask me why, I just know I love that type of guy, yES, AXL, I'M TALKING TO YOU! I wanted to kick Maddi for being an idiot the 99.99% of the time. She was feeling horny or rejecting the possible idea of being part of an ancient specie and was like "nO wAy I'm ThAt SpEsHuL, i JuSt CaN't", which is annoying as the fucking hell. Trust me, there's nothing that exasperates me the most than a girl trying to pretend that she isn't speshul, when she clearly is it, because hello, the book is of your pov. I'm not complaining, there were a couple of good moments, but some felt really dry, senseless and pointless. It's a 50/50 for me and I guess I will pick up the second one, but not yet because my currently reading list it still a little bit bigger for me, lol. bUT IF AXL DIES, I WILL RIOT AND BURN THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLD FOR HIM.

[bigskydreaming]

This isn't a meme thing or anything but I was wondering if you had a top ten favorite characters from books? I actually end up getting a lot of good book recs from reading your blog so I was just curious lol.

LOL I wasn't going to do this ask because I was like ugh I suck at top ten lists because I can never pick just ten. But then I thought about it for like, five whole seconds and realized I DO have ten standout characters in answer to this so its like oh hey, learned something new about myself today! Lmao.

Anyway, in no particular order:

1) Anyanwu - from Wild Seed by Octavia Butler - Can not stress how like fucking...formative Anyanwu's character was for me as an abused kid who first read this when I was like 12. The book heavily deals with the back and forth across centuries between these two immortals, Anyanwu and Doro, as Doro basically tries to control her every which way he can, and Anyanwu just defies him at every turn, and it just....you love to see it. She's a bad-ass and I adore her.

2) Prince Corwin and Merle Corey/Merlin - from Chronicles of Amber by Roger Zelazny - Yes I'm cheating but its me so you should have seen that coming. Another fave series from when I was in middle school, its ten books in total, and the first five are in Corwin's POV and the second five are in the POV of his son Merle/Merlin. So I maintain it counts. And is fine. Shhh, let it go, Elsa said so. ANYWAY, I actually probably like Merle better than his dad, because I mean, lbr, Corwin is a total asshole. But he's MY asshole, y'know? Wait, that came out wrong. Don't quote me there. But you know what I mean. Merle is a lot more level-headed, and quick-witted I think, and I like his supporting cast of relatives who want to kill him and he sometimes want to kill more than his dad's supporting cast of relatives who want to kill him and he always wants to kill, but like. Both are Valid. Also shout out to Fiona and Rinaldo, with a side shout out to Flora, who are probably my next three favorites from the series. Dara would be up there too but she knows what she did.

3) Elric/Corum/Dorian/etc - from the Eternal Champion books by Michael Moorcock - Look I'm already cheating so why not continue on a theme. But basically this counts too, I'm just saying. See Michael Moorcock's big project going all the way back to the 60s was he created a fantasy multiverse of different dimensions where this one Eternal Champion, meant to balance the scales between the Lords of Law and the Lords of Chaos, like, is reborn over and over again in different incarnations but who are all essentially him. So Elric of Melnibone, Dorian Hawkmoon, Corum I can never remember his last name.....they're all essentially the same guy.....but they're all at the same time very very very different, and they have extremely different storylines. But I maintain if you're gonna read one you kinda gotta just read them all, all Pokemon like and such forth, because the real beauty of these books is seeing the familiar traces of the Eternal Champion threaded through each of these incarnations but also contrasting how different they are from each other and like, looking at what makes them so different each time and how much it stems from their environment and situations, etc.

4) Civet - from the Dragons of the Inland Sea series by Laurence Yep - This is a kids' series, like for ages 10-12 kinda, but easily my favorite from when I was a kid. I reread them so many times, and I love pretty much all the characters from Shimmer to Thorn to Monkey, but Civet was always a standout. She's essentially a tragic character and her ending is bittersweet, but like.....she fully knows who she is and what she's about and makes no apologies for that, and she ends on exactly the note she wants to. Like, her story and her characterization was pretty damn dark for such a young-aimed series, but that's part of what drew me to it, it managed to capture the tone it set out to convey but in a completely age-appropriate way, and in an era when most books aimed at kids dumbed down most of their story concepts and themes, this one was refreshing for just being....real. Despite being blatantly fantasy. Also the Boneless King is one of the best villains ever, despite being deliberately over the top a lot of the times....idk what it was about him, but he was just chilling.

5) Jack the Bodiless and Diamond Mask - from the Galactic Milieu series by Julian May - These are linked as well because they're a couple and their stories intertwine so much that there's no real point in separating them y'know? That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But anyway, they're a weird choice for me because Julian May is hit or miss for me overall....I HATE her Saga of the Pliocene Epic, which is technically in the same universe as her Galactic Milieu series, but they have totally different vibes and the latter series doesn't contain any of the elements from the Saga of the Pliocene that I loathe, so it just works. Plus it has Jack and Diamond Mask, and like.....I don't actually know why I love them so much? They're just so different from pretty much any other characters I've ever read. Like, May does a lot of really high concept stuff across the board, but Jack and Diamond Mask are like.....high concept character wise? If that makes sense? Its okay if it doesn't. I'm literally just spitting words out here. Honestly, its hard to say anything specific about them because so much of their characters conceptually just doesn't make sense without knowing the in-universe concepts that led to them even existing, but like. They're weird and off the wall but still astoundingly human for all that and I love them.

6) Naomi Nagata - from the Expanse books by James S. A. Corey - I mean, if you've seen me ramble all the Naomi love in my live-watches of The Expanse TV show, this should be no surprise, but my love for her in the books like, exists manifold. She's great in both, but the books cover so much more content-wise, that her character has so much more room to breathe and be explored in all kinds of directions the TV show never touches on. The funny thing is, I actually prefer the TV characterizations overall....I think the authors of the books are actually pretty shit at characterization a lot of the time, but the basic thread of Naomi's character is consistent and the sheer abundance of story material she has in the books like.....keeps me going back to them even just for her. Her conflict with Marco in the books in particular just has so much more depth than in the show....like, I don't hate the show's version at all, anyone who's seen my posts there knows that lol, and I'm not actually even sure which version I actually like more in terms of that particular storyline.....but I just love that both versions are so different, while still being recognizably the same, y'know? I don't even know. Nobody knows. Its a mystery. Just nod and say yes, shh, its fine.

7) Locke Lamora - from The Lies of Locke Lamora/The Gentleman Bastards series by Scott Lynch. This is an odd one for me, because in one sense Locke is a very contrived archetypal character from an author that doesn't always pull it off as successfully as I feel he thinks he does.....like, what I mean is Locke is inherently that type of character that is SUPPOSED to push buttons and straddle a line between likable and unlikable....and to be fair, that is VERY hard to pull off without at least some of the time falling on the wrong side of that line and alienating at least some readers. But there's something very genuine or sincere feeling about the character underneath all that, which is ironic for a character who is an acknowledged pathological liar and hardly ever tells the truth....like I said, its an odd one for me because I can't actually put my finger on what makes this particular character work for me when so many similar characters just bug the crap out of me.

8) Damien - from Black Sun Rising/The Coldfire trilogy by C. S. Friedman - This one is a whole fucking lie because I don't actually even like Damien that much lmao, but the thing is, I don't have a particular fondness for any of the characters in this series? But I gotta put it on the list anyway because I just love the world in this series so much, and its practically a character in and of itself. Like, so this was a science fantasy series set on a distant planet in the future but otherwise steeped in fantasy archetypes about spirit creatures that only Adepts could see, and like, Fae and life energy and sorcery that had roots in scientific principles but was otherworldly all the same. And that's like.....all literally my jam, and so I can't deny that this series was very formative for me even if its not the best example of those concepts. Its just the one I tend to go back to the most in my mind, like....the world and its characters are very standout and larger than life for me, even if they don't specifically APPEAL to me? They're impactful all the same. Its another odd one. I'm odd. You just kinda gotta roll with it. Its a thing. Its factual.

9) Yeine Darr - from The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N. K. Jemisin - This was a tough one because I love literally everything by Jemisin and all her characters are just so....ooof. They're very very real, even in the most fantastical of settings. I have mad characterization envy every time I read her stuff, but like. Its so good. So really the struggle was picking one character or even two, because I mean, The Fifth Season and its sequels are easily her best known works and have a ton of fantastic characters, and I think her Dreamblood duology is vastly overlooked but in the end I had to go with The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms even if just cuz of nostalgia. Its the first of her works and when I first started reading her and so its just.....anyway, if I was gonna go with that, it had to be Yeine, because she's so central to everything and also just....fantastic. Nahadoth and Sieh are also standout characters who get mentioned a lot in talk of this trilogy, and they're both such big personalities that at times they kinda overshadow Yeine, but Yeine has such a compelling.....undercurrent to her that she never actually gets lost in the shuffle even when surrounded by all these larger than life gods, and just. You love to see it. I do anyway. And its my list so nyah. But also if you're gonna read Jemisin, read everything Jemisin. It just makes sense, y'know? Good for the pores.

10) Cayal and Arkady - from The Immortal Prince/The Tide Lords by Jennifer Fallon - All the other Tide Lords can rot, but Cayal is hilarious in a depressing way. He's a ten thousand year old immortal whose greatest wish is just to die, which is how he meets Arkady who is a historian who just wants to like....know everything he knows once she realizes he actually is the figure of legend he professes to be and is so mad at him for not really giving a shit about all the weight of history he's been present for, but Cayal's just like, umm, I LIVED it so that's why I don't care, I'm allowed to not care, that shit hurt. Did you miss the part where one of the other Tide Lords threw a fucking meteor at me? And Arkady, distinctly unimpressed, is just like....I thought YOU did that, to Jasper. And Cayal's like, no that doesn't sound right. And Arkady's just like, you literally JUST told me that story. And Cayal's like, huh. I must have been lying. I do that sometimes. And Arkady's like, I thought you never lie, that's your whole thing? And Cayal's like, ahah, but what if THAT was a lie too? And Arkady's just like, bitch I hate you so goddamn much, how are you the worst of all the Immortals while still the only one who will actually talk to me and answer my questions. Cayal's like, we may never know.

Anyway, there's my list but like there's a lot more obviously because I'm me, I don't do moderation, its against my religion, but also I have to stop some time and the ask was for ten and those were the ten that popped into my head so they must be the right ones! Probably. Until I change my mind at least.

[yikesharringrove]

I don't want to add continue to overwhelm you but I just had an idea that I thought you would love. How about a secretly smart Steve story where he isn't as dumb as most people think he is. He comes across that way in due to insecurities from his dad never being happy with his solid B average and struggles with a language barrier from only getting to learn English a lot later than his peers. More Italian Steve for you.

(I’m bilingual so I based this on the way my brain scrambles shit up)

When Steve was a baby his mother went out of her way to make sure he knew his heritage.

She would hire nannies from the city, immigrant women with clear instruction to only speak Italian to her little son. She herself would only speak Italian to him, around him. Even convinced her husband to go with it. He knew Italian, could speak it, just never did if he didn’t have to.

As Steve grew, his mother hired Italian tutors to come to their home every Sunday, made sure he knew the grammar rules and could read and write it, not just speak it.

Steve was a chatterbox, but when he got to kindergarten, he had to learn English.

I took him a long tie to learn to read. The only pronunciations of the alphabet he had ever heard were in Italian, the letters accented much differently than in English.

He had a thick accent for a long time, and would sometimes pronounce things with his Italian tongue, even after he had worked to drop the accent.

By the time he hit high school, he was an okay student, got a straight B-average, a couple of Cs, but a couple of As too. The problem was that his brain was wired in Italian. His thoughts were in Italian, nearly everything he said  had to be translated in and out. He would forget what words meant, get tripped up and forget the word in one language, or blank entirely on both. There were some words that were so ingrained into him in Italian that that’s just what he used, would only refer to cars as macchine because of how often his nannies would scream for him to pick up his little toy cars. Would lose his wallet an run through his house muttering about his portafoglio.

His dad didn’t get it, though. Sure, he was also fluent in both languages, but he had learned Italian as an adult, didn’t have to figure out a world that was based in a language you didn’t know. Steve could zip through books written in Italian, had a huge vocabulary in one language, but would get stumped up in English, would see unfamiliar words who’s definitions were even more confusing. He would look it up in an Italian-English dictionary and it would click.

When he started dating Billy, Billy would talk a lot about how sexy it was when Steve spoke Italian. He would get him to speak it while they fucked, and when Billy would say something from another room while Steve clattered about and would yell back scusi? Not even thinking about what he was saying.

But Billy could also see the frustration. When Steve got stuck on a homework assignment and would roughly page through his translation dictionary to figure out which world was halting him. When he would read books heavy with symbolism and get completely different meanings out of them.

“I’m fucking done.” Steve slammed his book shut, putting his head in his hands. He was muttering to himself in pissed off Italian.

“Stevie?” He placed his hand on Steve’s back, rubbing gently. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just over it.” His accent was much stronger when he was emotional. “I can’t do this anymore. I am tired of being, being bad at school just because I have trouble with this fucking language. I am not stupid in Italian!”

“Stevie, you’re not stupid in English, either.”

“But I just, I get confused. It’s not natural to me. I have to translate everything before I speak.” Billy slammed his own book shut.

“I am tired of you always talking so bad about yourself! You’re not fucking stupid, Steve, and I’m fucking over you saying that.” Steve’s eyes were wide. “You are smart. You know how I fucking know that? You speak two fucking languages. That’s some smart shit.”

“I, what-”

“You’re a smart fucking person. And you keep talking bad about yourself and I don’t like it. And I’m sorry for yelling, but I’m upset that you’re always so fucking mean to yourself.” He sat back down, chest heaving.

“I, um. Thanks, Bill.”

“It just, it really gets my fuckin’ goat that you think so poorly of yourself.” Steve looked down, fiddling with the front cover of his book.

“I guess I just, my dad was always yelling at me to do better.”

“Doesn’t he get that you literally have a fucking language barrier?” Steve smiled weakly.

“He says, says it’s not an excuse. That if I was smarter, I would be able to, to hand both. Like he and my mom can.”

“Okay, I’ve heard your mom speak English. Not for nothing, but sometimes she forgets words. I’ve heard her ask you for the English word of something. That’s all part of being bilingual. You have twice as large of a vocabulary as I do. Just because sometimes English words slip past you does not make you anything less than really fuckin’ smart.”

Steve dived into Billy’s arms, kissing him roughly. Billy laughed into the kiss as Steve kept going, bullying his way onto Billy’s lap.

“You’re so good to me, Bill. Ti amo tanto.” Billy groaned.

“How ‘bout we take this upstairs, and you speak more Italian to me?” Steve just raised an eyebrow, sliding off Billy’s lap to take off up the stairs, laughing and shouting as he goes.

[starlit-serenade]

Along the Red Thread | Chapter 5

🧣 Summary: It is said that a red thread connects people who are soulmates and destined to be lovers, regardless of place and circumstances. What makes this difficult is that you stopped believing in love a long time ago. OR. You go to Korea to visit your father after several years. There, a mysterious red thread that seemingly only you can see shows up when you least expect it, and you meet a childhood friend you’d never thought you would see again.

🧣 Chapter 5: 2,552 words

🧣 Pairing: Reader x Kim Geonhak (Leedo) / Characters: GenderNeutral!Reader; Kim Geonhak (Leedo); Kim Youngjo (Ravn); Lee Seoho (Seoho); Lee Keonhee (Keonhee); Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong); Son Dongju/Xion; a couple of OCs;

🧣 Rated: T / Warnings: Mentions of divorce (Y/N’s parents); Mentions of abuse (physical); Instances of abuse (non-physical); Mentions of child abuse; Swearing / Genre: Angst; Fluff; Soulmate!AU (Red Thread of Fate); ChildhoodBestFriends!AU; Happy Ending;

《 Boy Group Masterlist // ONEUS Masterlist // Series Masterlist 》

It's been about a week and a half since Geonhak first joined you to take Sunho to school. Since then, Geonhak has been accompanying you both almost every school day, waking up early to meet you outside of the apartment and ride the bus with you and Sunho. Sunho loves it. He tells Geonhak about the games he plays, the books he's read, the stuff he's learning in class. 

Some days, after dropping off Sunho with you, Geonhak will head to his dorm or to his practice. But on those days where you didn't want to return to your father's apartment, Geonhak would take you wherever you wanted to go, for as long as you wanted to be out. Whether it was just for some drinks, or to hang out at his dorm with him and his members. Seoho has, indeed, told you many embarrassing stories about Geonhak. Which provoked Geonhak to chase him around. Sometimes, you even get to watch them practice at their studio.

You and Sunho sit next to each other at the dinner table. Your father sits across from you, and Sooyeon sits across from Sunho. All of your plates are mostly empty from a filling dinner made by Sooyeon.

"Today, we practiced multiplication," Sunho says to you. "Areum helped me with it. She's better at it than me."

"Really?" you ask, grinning. "You can ask me if you need help. I know a bit about multiplication."

Sunho taps his feet excitedly. "Does Mr. Kim know multiplication?"

You pretend to think about it. "Hm. He should. Do you want him to help you practice?" Sunho nods, and you grin. "If you ask me, it seems like you like Mr. Kim more than you like me," you say, tickling him. He giggles.

"No! You're the one who reads to me every night."

"Who's Mr. Kim?" your father asks, interrupting. You look at him, and he asks again. "Who's Mr. Kim?"

"Oh, uh . . ."

You hesitate. You don't know why you don't want to tell him. Maybe it's because you want to separate your life at home from your time with Geonhak. Maybe it's because after all of this time you've spent with Geonhak and his group members, they've become almost a second family, your home, a safe place. And when you're with them, your father and Sooyeon vanish. Just for a moment. And you want to keep that safe. You don't want your father asking Geonhak to join a family dinner, and make you face the reality that you only really have one family.

"No one," you say. "Just a friend."

Your father tilts his head curiously. He looks at Sooyeon. "Clean the dishes, won't you?" he asks her. Sooyeon nods, standing up, and takes all of the dishes from the table. You hear the sound of the running water of the sink, as your father leans forward over the table.

Besides. You're an adult, and haven't seen your father properly in years. It's not like you owe him an explanation for anything. 

"He's just a friend," you say.

"And how did you meet this friend here? You've only been here for a month and a half."

You shake your head. You don't have the energy to explain it. And you don't need to explain it to him.

"I need some space." You get up from the table and head for your room, and you can hear the sound of your father's chair being pushed backward as he stands up to follow you.

"Y/N, you're supposed to be able to tell me everything. I'm your father."

If you weren't so busy trying to get some distance between you and your father, you'd roll your eyes. Ideally, you'd be able to tell your father everything and everything. But you haven't spent real quality time with him since the start of high school. And he isn't exactly close to you fatherly-wise.

You push open your door and try to slam it shut behind you. But just before the door closes, the door swings back twice as hard, the handle hitting you right in the hip and the edge of the door itself slamming into your lower arm and knocking you back, and you wince in pain, holding onto your arm.

"Fuck," you mumble.

That's gonna bruise.

You step back and place your hand on the bed to maintain balance. You glare at your father. He's staring at you in a way that makes you feel so small. You don't speak a word, as his eyes fall onto your arm. His expression changes.

"Ah, shit. Y/N, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"Just go," you say. You move to sit on your bed before lying down, not looking at him. "I'm tired. Please just go."

There's silence. Then, you hear the door close, and you relax, shutting your eyes tight. You just want to fall asleep. Maybe in the morning, you'll wake up and realize that it was you who was being unreasonable, or you overreacting.

Today, you and Geonhak are sitting at a table at the back of the library, after having taken Sunho to school. You two are pouring over a comic book together, snickering at the funny parts between sips of the cold drinks before you.

You two have been sitting there for the past three hours already. Time really flies when you spend time with him. He makes you so happy. Even when you two are walking in silence, not talking, you feel satisfied.

You know that you don't see him as just a friend now. He makes you so happy. Whenever you see him at the beginning of the day, when he shows up to take Sunho to school with you, you feel the butterflies burst in your stomach. You've never felt as safe with anyone as you do with Geonhak.

As your book comes to an end, you place it aside and check your phone. It's about 11:30AM.

"We should get ready to go," you say. "I have some readings to finish before I go back home."

"Maybe you could come over to the dorm?" Geonhak suggests. "I could make you some lunch. And you could do your studies at my dorm. If you want."

You grin. "Sure. I'd like that."

Geonhak sits next to you as you work on your computer on the couch. Two windows are open on your screen, one with your reading and one to take notes on. Your sandwich lays half eaten on a plate on the table in front of you.

"Sunho was talking, yesterday, about wanting you to help him with subtraction," you say to Geonhak.

"Oh, really? I'd love to."

"I know." You glance at Geonhak. While you've been looking at your computer screen, you've been somewhat aware of Geonhak's eyes on you the entire time. You don't know why he's been watching you this whole time,and you don't want to ask.

You reach over your computer for your sandwich, and your arm bumps the top of the screen, right where the door had hit you last night after your father threw it open. It did end up bruising, as did the spot on your hip. But the one on your hip wasn't as bad.

You wince and lift your arm a bit, and instead reach around your computer instead of over. You don't want to worry Geonhak, and pray that he didn't see or notice. But you weren't so lucky.

"Huh?" Geonhak looks at you. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I just . . . I hurt my arm yesterday is all."

Geonhak carefully takes your hand in his, watching you to make sure you're okay with it. When you don't stop him, he slides your sleeve up your arm and inspects the purple bruise carefully.

"You did this to yourself?" he asks, looking up at you with concern, his fingers gently tracing the outline of the bruise. You can't lie to him. You don't want to. And, to be honest, you don't think your brain or mouth will let you.

"Well . . . no, not exactly," you say, shaking your head.

"Who did this?"

You hesitate.

You don't want Geonhak to think you're friends with him just because you still need help coping with your family problems. And you definitely don't want to be a burden.

Your mouth doesn't let you lie.

"My dad hit me with the door yesterday," you admit.

Geonhak looks furious. "He did what? Y/N, I thought--"

"I don't think he meant to do it," you blurt out. "I mean--I don't think he meant to hurt me. He was just mad."

"That's the case every time," Geonhak says, staring into your eyes. "It's always that 'he was just mad.' But that's not an excuse for him to hurt you."

You stare back at Geonhak, and nod. You know he's right. That your father is hurting you, and at this point, it doesn't matter if he means to or not.

"You're right."

After a second, he takes your hands in his reassuringly, and looks you right in the eyes. "Hey. Y/Nie. Do you want to stay here tonight? I don't want you going back there, if you aren't going to be safe."

You look up at him. You almost want to say yes. But you also don't want to. On one hand, you want to spend more time with him. He makes you happy. You trust Geonhak more than anyone else.

But on the other hand, you don't trust him completely. Or anyone. You've given up on that. When the person you were supposed to trust most, your own parent, broke your trust, how can you trust anyone else like that?

You smile, pulling your hands away from him, and you shake your head.

"It's alright," you say. "Thank you for the offer, Hak, really. But like I said earlier, I'd like to give him one more chance. And I don't want to be a bother to you or your members, so if something happens, I'll just get a hotel room someplace," you say.

He tilts his head curiously and frowns. "You won't be a bother, Y/N. The members love you, trust me. Seoho definitely loves telling you about my embarrassing moments," he says grinning. 

You smile,  but shake your head. "Thank you, Geonhak. But really, I think I'll stay at a hotel if something happens."

Geonhak sighs, then nods,  pulling his hand away from yours, and you feel yourself deflate a bit. "I'm always here if you need me, okay Y/Nie?"

"Of course."

You two continue to hang out a bit longer, until it's time for you to pick up Sunho from his school and for Geonhak to head to his work. You wish him a good day of practice, and leave to walk to Sunho's school on your own.

You have no idea where your mind is as you walk. It seems to be wandering everywhere, so much that you're barely aware of where you're going. You're on autopilot as you walk to Sunho's school. It's a wonder you don't accidentally walk into a lamp post

You know that you like Geonhak. You know that you have romantic feelings for him, however small. But right now, the last thing you want to do is act on them.

Growing up as a small kid, you had looked up to your parents. At first, you'd thought they were the best couple ever--seeing that parents are supposed to be their kids' role model.

But naturally, as your parents' marriage fell apart, so did your idea of love. How could you trust anyone with your heart when one of the people you were supposed to trust the most--your own father--already had broken your trust? You don't know if you're able to trust anyone like that. At least, for now. For you, you're happier just being friends with someone who you want to be more with.

But you also don't want to spend so much time close to Geonhak that you fall deeper in your feelings. Spending another night with him will make you want to spend another, and another. And you're too worried that that'll lead to you two being more than friends. Which you're not ready for.

You look up and realize you're at your destination. The gates leading to the school are there before you, standing a little taller than you are.

You stand, waiting outside of the gates in front of Sunho's school, like a parent waiting for their kid. You're a couple minutes early, so you're waiting, listening to your music while staring in the direction of the school while you think about how you like Geonhak but don't want to like Geonhak.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a small ring! from your phone. You look down, frowning, and you see that you just received a text from Geonhak. You click the message to see what he said.

Geonhak 🐥: The members were asking about you. They say hi and they hope you're doing well!

Above the text is a selfie Geonhak took. You can see Youngjo, Seoho and Dongju beside him, as well as Keonhee and Hwanwoong reflected in the mirror behind him. They're all smiling brightly, waving, making peace signs or hearts and silly faces. You can't help but smile. He and his members are all so sweet, and you can't help but smile dumbly as you type a text back.

You: Aww! Tell them thank you for me! 💕

You: And thank you for spending time with me today.

Just after you send the second text, you can hear the bell ring in the distance, signaling the end of Sunho's school day. A couple minutes pass as some students start exiting. They run to their waiting older parents or siblings. As you continue looking over the kids, you spot him.

Sunho is talking to two friends next to him. One little girl, who you recognize as his best friend Areum, and another kid who you don't know the name of. Sunho sees you, waves goodbye to his friend, and runs over to you.

"Hi Y/Nie!" he says, running over to grab your hand. "I can't wait to tell you about what I learned today! And Mr. Kim!"

You smile as you lead him to the bus stop. "I can't wait to hear it. And I'm sure Mr. Kim will be happy to hear it tomorrow before school, too!"

"Yeah!" He grins widely. "Can I show you at home?"

You grin. "Of course. Sunho," you say. You look up at the sky. The sun is bearing down on you. It's hot as hell today. You look down at Sunho. "How about we go and get you some ice cream. Does that sound good?"

"Yes please!"

You smile, leading the way toward the ice cream place you've gone once with Geonhak and Sunho.

You don't know what it is, but you find so much joy in pampering and treating Sunho. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you didn't get enough affection from your father, and you've seen that your father doesn't give Sunho any attention either. You want to give Sunho everything you lacked as a child.

You smile softly down at Sunho. 

[e11evenkeys]

Pitch: The Adventures of Danger Rabbit- Chapter 2 Friendly Friendly (part 1)

Long story short, my dad wasn't arrested. Ms. Harper made her displeasure quite clear as far as my new form was concerned, but I wasn't taken away. Because of my mistake, dad had a reputation for being a careless father, and I was seen as a delinquent. Teachers started watching our family like we were career criminals, but dad raised me to be a good kid.

Regardless of the truth, I had a reputation that stuck with me as I grew up. Even into my junior year of high school, kids thought I was bad news. It didn't help that I had the worst luck imaginable, unlike Mr. Nickels, who I still had yet to find. Trouble seemed to seek me out. Just the simple act of walking home from school was dangerous enough to warrant fear of chaos. Freak accidents were a norm, and they only fueled the fire when it came to the negative light everyone shined on me. Of course, my dad always had the worst end of the fiascos because he had to deal with the aftermath.

If I had any luck at all, it was spent when I had the fortune of finding my two best friends.

B James was a girl who moved to town after my accident. Her parents were professional magicians, so naturally, I tried to get in good with them. I had hopes of them helping me. It turns out I didn't have to work too hard. BJ was fascinated with my form and impressed with my ability to create my own magic. I told her I didn't mean to transform myself, but I don't think she cared. She wanted to make new spells like her parents, and I suppose she thought I could help her. She overlooked how the rest of the school avoided me, but that might have been easy, considering no one flocked to her lunch table any more than my own. Remember when I said creating new magic was dangerous, well, BJ didn't care. We hadn't even graduated high school yet, but she'd created more spells than a person could count. It's important to keep in mind most of those spells had adverse effects or didn't do what they were meant to, but they did something.

My friend Wesson, a satyr I met in my freshman year of high school, didn't use magic at all. To be fair Fae, because of their natural abilities, didn't need magic as much as humans did. Even I had natural powers after my transformation like super hearing and invisibility. Which I'm sure is how Mr. Nickels managed to avoid capture for so long if he also possessed the same abilities. Wes being a satyr, was super fast and super strong, among other things, whether he appeared to be or not. We became friends after I tried to join the school's Creature club. There weren't many Fae that went to our school, so the club was meant to be a way of letting them all meet one another. Unfortunately, when I tried to join the club, someone pointed out I was born human, and that I was only what I was because I cursed myself. I couldn't join the club. Technically they weren't allowed to exclude anyone, but I thought it best to pick my battles wisely and let it go. Wes, being the best guy in the world, found me the next day and told me he thought the other kids were dicks for not letting me join the club. From that day on, I couldn't remember a time I couldn't fall back on the friendship Wes and I had.

It was two weeks till summer break. All of the ends of the year testing was out of the way, so everyone was waiting for the school year to come to an end. That Friday afternoon, I decided to walk BJ home. Despite my being close to Wes and BJ both, they never seemed to like one another. Every day I'd have to make a conscious decision whether to hang out with BJ, who loved playing magician and getting into trouble, or Wes, who was basically the brother I never had. BJ won that day because Wes had a meeting with the principal.

BJ should have taken the bus home, but I guess that would have been less time she got to work out new magic with me. We took a lot of back roads that day that eventually spit us out into the Dead Woods. It was the town's biggest forest, and it sat in the middle of everything. We learned in history class that old settlers named it the Dead Woods because back in the early days, when people were still coming up with most of the modern magic, they had to go far away from homes and buildings so bad magic wouldn't destroy anything. A lot of people died out there. Despite the bad history, it was a beautiful place as long as you knew where you were going.

"So there's this summer internship I read about," BJ said as we walked under branches while leaves crumbled under our footsteps.

"What kind of internship?" I asked.

We stopped walking so she could take her spell book out of her bag. The pages of her hand made spiral held weight and took time to flip through.

"For magicians. I thought you might want to go for it," she added.

"You want me to be a magician?"

"You created a working transmutation spell when you were 11."

I laughed at her, calling it a "working spell."

"Yea, and I've been trying to undo it ever since," I said with my amused tone still vocal.

"I could help you."

"I don't want to be a magician," I said in my most definitive voice possible.

"But I do."

I took a few steps away. I didn't want to stand too close while her book was out. Some of the stuff in that thing didn't need words to be activated. As she flipped through the pages, there was a danger similar to throwing a grenade into a kid's birthday party. Pages glowed and faded as her hands turned them over. I'm not sure how she managed to carry something around like that without constantly hurting herself.

"Then you should do it," I said as I crossed my arms and leaned against a tree.

She came near, and I knew to expect puppy dog eyes to fluff some kind of catch. That's what people do when they want something

"I need you."

I asked, "why," but she turned away.

"I need your spell," I thought she said, but I couldn't make out her words for sure, and with my big ears, that meant she was really quiet.

"What?" I asked.

"I need your spell."

I stood up straight.

"The spell that gave me fur and left with only eight fingers," I said before I continued with, " the spell that made my feet too big to wear shoes and ears big enough to hear my dad when he gets off at night."

"I have to submit a working spell to be considered."

"Then use one of yours," I said.

"None of mine work."

"What about the one you use to change your hair color?"

"It blinds anyone who sees me cast it."

"Then just use my spell, you don't need me for that, I wrote the words in some book, and I'll give it to you."

I wanted to get off the subject. Anyone who knew me knew how long I tried to find a cure for my curse. After years of turning over stones to no avail, of course, I gave up hope. That's not to say I didn't wish and dream for a way to change back, but being a bit of a pessimist meant I couldn't help but see the uneasy reality of how unlikely a cure was.

"It wouldn't be right to take credit for your work."

"But, it's alright to strong-arm your friend into an internship that'll take up our entire summer?" I didn't mean to sound nearly as argumentative or sarcastic as I must have at that moment, but it came out that way.

"There's a chance we won't even get it," she said, basically pleading with me at that point.

"If I say yes, will you leave me out of whatever experiments you're about to do?"

"But I had something special planned for today."

"That's my price."

"Deal, but you have to stick around to watch."

"In case something goes wrong?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," I replied.

We exchanged a mutual grin before she adjusted her glasses and finally flipped around in her book to find the newly crafted spells. We spent most of the afternoon in the woods. BJ wrote a spell for growing plants faster, but it made anything made of wood burst into flames, including all the papers in my backpack. She tried to put out the fires with another spell meant to create rain clouds, but it summoned a swarm of butterflies that flew into the flames. Needless to say, they all died. They died quickly, but at least the fires went out.

By that time, it was getting dark.

"We should get moving," I said as I picked our bags off the ground burnt as they might have been.

"We will never speak of what happened here to anyone, right?"

"Like always," I said with a chuckle before handing BJ her ruined bag.

We started on our way out of the woods.

"Do your parents know you're applying for this internship?" I asked.

"Not yet."

"Don't you think they should know?"

"I'll tell them once I, " she started to say before I cut her off with, "did you hear that?"

"Hear what," she asked.

There was a sound coming from the bushes ahead of us. It was too big to be a cat, dog, or rabbit.

"Stand back," I said as I put my arm in front of BJ.

"Is someone there," I called out into the distance, but no reply was returned.

Only the rustling of the bushes broke the silence as something or someone came near. It was close. There was a momentary pause of nothing but the bugs around us falling silent, and then whatever it was lunged out at me.

It was Wes. He made me fall backward and rip the arm of my button-down shirt.

"Shit," I yelled out.

He tried to catch my arm on my way down, but he was too slow.

"Sorry, dude," Wes said with a laugh as he helped me to my feet.

"What are you doing out here?" BJ asked in a tone more annoyed than me, but I was the one with the ripped shirt.

"I need Pitch."

"Well, he's walking me home from school."

"Schools been out for 3 hours now, and you know how to get home."

"You want me to walk by myself," BJ asked.

"No one ever offers to walk me home, and we're the same age," Wes said sarcastically.

I cut in, "Wes, what did you need my help with?"

"I need your ears," he said.

"Let me get BJ home, and then I'll swing by your place."

Neither of them was even looking at me anymore; they were staring one another down.

"Alright, just make sure 'Bug Burner' isn't with you."

"You saw that!" BJ exclaimed.

"I'll be there, alone," I said as I held BJ back from Wes.

A few uneasy, and unwelcoming glances were exchanged before we took to our separate ways.

"I don't know why you hang out with him," BJ argued.

"Wes is cool," I said.

"Wes is just short of being a toddler. He doesn't use magic."

"I don't use magic."

"That's different; you can't afford it."

"That hurt," I said.

"You know what I mean."

[thebreadcrew]

Bread Crew Text Posts Part 13

Lilith: I didn't choose the cool life, it didn't choose me either. I'm not cool./ the reason i sin is because there's a stairway to heaven and highway to hell and i sure as shit ain't climbin no stairs/ Ummmm I'm sensitive/ my tru aestetic is "wears mostly black and imagines they're hard and tough but stutters when socializing and is seconds away from crying at any given moment"/ be the smoking hot demoness you wanna see in the world/ (search) how to be deadly how to be pretty/ when i was 7 i had a crush on girl & didn't know how to deal with it so I wrote her a letter that just said "get out of my school"/ if i was a ghost i would do useful things like let the cat out or take flammable things off the stove and sing to small children when they can't sleep and terrify the fuck out of assholes hell yeah bitches. what was that? did I hear you make a derogatory remark about women? bam, your lamp is now on the floor what cha going to do punk? are you abusing that child? wambo, your walls are now bleeding motherfucker

Criswyn: Snake.....on......meeeeeee.....(snake on me) snake.....meeeee.....OOOOOOOOOOOON (SNAKE ON ME)/ i eat a lot of bread because it's soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous/ What's the worst decision you made while you were drunk? Don't mean to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions./ me @ very talkative cats: i love you so much. please continue your story. tell me about your day. i love you/ coherent people are the worst...like stop making sense for one fucking second. say some nonsense every once in a while. literally so boring if i can understand every word you say like shut up or say some dumb shit i swear to god/ teachers r so full of shit "ohh u need to learn how to read its a life skill" the only life skill you need is lesbianism/ I have pure intentions, bitch! you can't kill me/ i am but a simple lesbian who enjoys the color pink and heart shaped things/ my tiny human body isn't big enough to hold all the love that's inside me and that's why i'm always crying / it's uwu time bitch

Freyja: My body is a temple. Well, more like a Catholic church. Full of wine and bread./ Are you there god It's me your bastard child/ to be fair you have to have a very high IQ to understand humans/ there's no such thing as a painless full suit of armor/ I believe in reincarnation because I KNOW I was a the Trojan guard who saw the Trojan horse and was like "wow, stunning, yes! Open the gates! Let it in, omg a big horse!"/ you think your crush is laying in bed thinking about you but in reality they're reading about swords on Wikipedia/ I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off As Creepy: a feature length film with two sequels and a TV series adaptation

Aislyn: My body is not a temple it's a burnt down Taco Bell/ Do you have a significant other? I'm significant by myself./ i may not be beautiful but at least i know a lot useless information/ who hasn't fantasized about illuminating manuscripts by candlelight in a medieval scriptorium tbh/ im just an asshole with feelings/ I Was Trying To Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel sage with several side book adaptations and a movie/ death is a reoccuring theme in my 3rd grade journal

Hawthorne: yes i am gay yes i am a bastard no i cannot be stopped/ *sticks my leg in the air* give me attention/ my gender is pretty boy/ I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out As Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me

Val: haha! have fun at highschool today NERDS. i'm gonna be doing cool ADULT stuff like sleeping WHENEVER i want and CRYING/ you've given me a lot to think about which is unfortunate considering i already have a bunch of better things i wanted to think about, who knows if i'll even get around to your stuff./ It's time I start letting you figure things out on your own instead of me not knowing the answers, but making them up anyway.

Jezebel: stuffing go WHERE?!!?!?

The Crew: It's weird that pirates would go from shore to shore looking for buried treasure when the real treasure was in the friendships they were making