#but good god is choir not great for me trangenderily. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tamaharu · 1 year

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since tonight is our final choir concert it also means its the last time i will wear a dress for hopefully a very long time? i talk a lot about my annoyances with choir as a whole very frequently but i guess an understated yet damaging aspect of it all has been how ive had to wear a dress for each of the concerts, when it was at one point something that made me stop doing it for a year. i dont know. something very evil about getting to do something i love, but the tradeoff is that i have to have the way i perform that love immediately misinterpreted visually, orally, and physically. i cannot wait to burn this thing.

#takes psychic damage when i need to acknowledge that im wearing a dress #just started thinking about it bc while getting the thing zipped up my mother said i looked nice to which i was like #well i dont like looking like this. to which she responds well yeah but you look nice #like okay that is fundamentally not the point #i know she meant it in a way where if youre friend thinks like look bad you assure them they dont #but the correct reply to 'i do not enjoying looking like this' is (shockingly!) not 'but you look so nice like this!'#i guess this falls in line w the fact that my dysphoria only rears its head when im like #okay when people look at me they think im a girl and group me in with other women OH GOD #i can fight it most of the time. i cant live my whole life dedicated to avoiding behaviors i enjoy just due to others perception of me.#but good god is choir not great for me trangenderily.

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