#but god it gets me because with every telling and retelling my first thought is 'god please dont turn around'

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I can't stop thinking about Orpheus and Eurydice...

[shokami]

babe I need your lucifer morningstar / wriothesley / zhongli / yoUR FAVS HEADCANONS ASAP <333

ONLY IF YOU WANT TO THOUGH!! I love reading your posts! ♥️♥️

COMING INTO MY ASKS LIKE THIS AND TELLING ME TO WRITE IS GOING TO MAKE ME BECOME A FULL TIME WRITER AGAIN. (i’m not complaining, i have so many thoughts i need to get them out)

zhongli

every one tries to uwu-ify zhongli, and i hate it. this man is an archon, one of the oldest. someone who was a warrior. yes, he’s an extinguished gentleman. curtuous, even. i, however, don’t for one second think he’s always like this.

- firm believer that zhongli has to hold himself back, and is quick to anger and frustration, pre current day liyue at least.

- if anyone questioned him, his commands, his leadership, he’d give them a simple look. jaw sat tight, with an expression so unreadable that it would send a chill down their spine, and that alone was enough to silence them.

- in his story quest (i don’t remember if it was his story quest, or an archon quest it was so long ago), he gets aggressive with the fatui when he started to argue. multiple times, he had that look, and stated that “you will suffer the wrath of the rock… you may find it rather unpleasant.” zhongli does not fuck around.

- an aggressive hater of celestia, and the heavenly principals. there were several times post archon war, that he thought about simply handling the issue at hand himself. believed he could, but would be talked down by the other archons, and adepti.

- then the time came where his hand was forced into a contract with the principals. since then, his anger has subsided at least on the external front. every day, he tries to find a way out of that contract without breaking his own morals, and his own meaning as the god of contacts himself.

- now listen. zhongli stepped down from being an archon, but that does not mean he is no longer a god. the gnosis does not equal godhood. while i believe that he did step down because liyue was entering a godless era, i believe he did it for his own selfish reasons as well. zhongli is known for his intelligence, and he knows that war is coming. in one of ei’s voice lines, she states that she believes his story is far from over. i believe that to be true, he has his own plots, and i think he intends to assist the tsaritsa in taking down the heavenly principals. whether it be directly, or indirectly. he’s up to something. he knows far more than he states. his power has not dwindled one bit.

- zhongli hates the idea of erosion, despite talking about it so casually. i think that it terrifies him. that the thought that one day, all of his memories could fade, and that he’d no longer remember. because of that. due to this, the adepti have began to keep journals, or other forms of keeping track of his retellings. each of them have their own version, so that if one day, rex lapis does not remember his own stories, they will be able to remind him bit by bit.

wriothesley

- oh this man has got a past. the orphanage was not pleasant to him. not in the slightest. wrio blames himself for not noticing sooner. not seeing that some children left, and didn’t return. once he began piecing things together, he knew what he was going to do. he couldn’t allow these things to happen, even though he himself was also a child.

- when it came time for him to kill the parents of the orphanage, he didn’t even hesitate. it happened so quickly. it was brutal, messy. a child can’t carry out something clean, and effortlessly. after releasing the other children, he turned himself in.

- wriothesley has ptsd from this, and reoccurring nightmares. not from the murder, but from the children he couldn’t protect sooner. due to that, his sleeping patterns are not good, and borderline unhealthy. instead, he busies himself with work, and fights in the pankration ring.

- now, when wrio got sentenced to the fortress, it was unpleasant for a child. at first. i think rather quickly, he gained the trust of other inmates. inner circles. it taught him quickly about survival. about calculation, gave him cunning traits, and taught him how to deal his cards just right.

- once his sentence was done, he stayed and became the warden. he wanted to change the fortress. i like to think that the warden before him wasn’t a good person, and that the conditions of the underwater prison weren’t great. once he took over, he changed it all. he likes to view it as more of a rehabilitation center, than a prison.

- the scars on wrios neck are definitely from the orphanage, and i refuse to believe otherwise. perhaps something that happened when he first found out what was happening. he confronted the parents, and ended up with those scars from something terrible. it damaged his vocal cords quite a bit (going off that one hc i saw on tiktok awhile ago that i don’t remember where it came from). the scars cause him quite the bit of discomfort sometimes, it’s a mild irritation. that’s why sigewinne tries to give him those gross health shakes to drink. its a remedy for the soreness.

- during his story quest, the traveler asked if he uses the iron fists in his fight in the pankration ring. he said not always, but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you gotta do right? that man is NOT above playing dirty. he’s an undefeated champion in that ring, and when anyone hears they’re facing him, they’re terrified.

- ^ HOWEVER. he’s decent enough to take those he defeats to the head nurse, get them treatment, and ensure they’re doing fine afterwards. in his trailer, we see him giving them handshakes, nods of acknowledgment. he doesn’t fight to be an asshole, it’s to keep the respect, and well- also a distraction for himself.

- now, if i see one more person say that wriothesley is the type to listen to hardcore rock music, i’ll scream. when we are in his office, he put on music that was similar to that of jazz. wrio is a jazz man, classics, instrumentals. it’s calming to him. firm believer that this man would listen to something like sway by michael bublé religiously.

- even though i believe that wriothesley has it in him to be a gentle man, a gentle lover, i can still acknowledge other aspects about him. he’s a flirt. have you seen how confident that man is? he’s shameless. he knows he’s attractive, and he knows how to sway someone so effortlessly. sinful french falls from his lips like it’s second nature, with such a gentle touch that it could have anyone in the palm of his hand and he knows it.

- he’s so busy with the work of the fortress though, that he doesn’t believe he has time for anything that’s actual romance. i’m not saying that he sleeps around (don’t give this man the gojo treatment guys), he simply flirts and sometimes he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. due to his schedule of business in the fortress, if he did end up developing feelings for someone, i believe it would be someone who either frequents the fortress for work, works there directly, or someone who just as much as of a work ethic as him. he needs someone who understands how hectic it is, so that he doesn’t feel neglectful for not being able to supply his full attention to a partner.

- okay my last one for wrio may be a stretch. i’m not 100% sure of the past of the fortress of meropede, so i can’t say if its symbol has always been the three headed dog of cerberus. however, i like to hc that it only became that after wriothesley became the duke. the symbol of cerberus means the past, the present, and the future. wrios past in the orphanage/the way the fortress operated before him, the present day of his control of things, and the future that he sees for the prison and its inmates. cerberus is the gate keeper, a symbol of loyalty, devotion, tenacity, and protection despite being perceived as a terrifying figure to others. i believe that’s how wrio see’s himself.

lucifer

ANOTHER MAN PEOPLE TRY TO UWU-IFY. STOP IT! HES THE LITERAL FUCKING DEVIL YOU MFS.

- lucifer is the original sin. pride. you cannot be the king of hell, and not have your mind plagued in darkness, full of sin, and questionable morals surrounding your duties.

- in the pilot episode, everyone believed that he wasn’t a good person, that he abandoned charlie, that he was rough, that he didn’t care about the sinners, and only wanted control.

let me tell you why, to an extent, that’s still true.

- lucifer tried to convince charlie that the sinners were awful, terrible people. he did not want her involved, and tried to deter her away from the path of redemption for hells inhabitants. he firmly believed that. i think he still believes that, but, he was slightly swayed by charlie’s words and beliefs. after lilith left him, he became secluded. lucifer wasn’t present as a father. right now, he’s trying to reconcile that, and support her despite not believing in her views himself.

- now, i think that part of the reason why lilith left him was due to his views. with how charlie talks about her, she had similar views as her once upon a time. lilith didn’t like that lucifer viewed the sinners as disposable. it angered her, so she left and that hurt him beyond compare.

- how could anyone expect lucifer to have full faith in redemption for the sinners, believe they were worthy of anything? lucifer is the original sin, they exist because of him. how could he face them, have any love in them, when it only reminded him of his failures as an angel, it reminded him of his pain, his tarnishment of his once devine place? he is pride, of course he can’t face them.

- i also read somewhere once in biblical lore, that without sinners, the seven deadly sins powers would dwindle. if people did not have pride, if they weren’t ridden in that sin, lucifer could lose a portion of his power overtime, be weakened. i personally like this, because that’s a solid reason why he wouldn’t want anyone to be redeemed.

- lucifer was abandoned, tossed aside by his father, by his brothers, for what? having a different opinion, wanting to offer different views. in result, it created darkness, pain, it created hell. lucifer is the cause of it. he carries heavy burdens, guilt, eons of trauma. for a millennia, the only thing he has seen is the pain, and the darkness of others in people he tried to defend.

- i need to see his rage, i need to his anger, his darkness, and inside his mind. i know it’s there, and its aching to be released. give me the fight between him and heaven. lucifer is one of the strongest beings in creation, show me his power.

not related to any of that, however!!

there’s a song called whisper by burn the ballroom that i believe fully captures the idea of falling in love with lucifer.

- “so give me your fire, give me your fear, give me your faith when love gives you tears. give me your heart, give me your fate, give me your hand when love gives you hate. give me your prayers up on your feet, and i’ll give you a show it helps fill the seats. so give me your sins, give me your lies, but whisper your love and i’ll whisper mine.” lucifer is so debated after lilith, that falling in love with someone who accepted his sins, his darkness, his rage- it was so foreign. it terrified him of that loss again. he needs someone who understands that depth, his reasoning, his hesitations, his views.

- additionally, the song had a line that says: “and he cries out to god, how could you claim them all when i know that they’re all mine?” this goes hand and hand with my view of lucifer not wanting to redeem sinners for the sake of his power. additionally, imagine how hurt and pissed off he would be when the first sinners get redeemed. how could god, how could heaven accept those redeemed back into the heavenly gates so willingly, but have turned their backs on him with a second of hesitation or his own chance of redemption?

GOD I LOVE LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR

i am so in love with all of these characters, they are so complex, with so much depth and characteristics to analyze. i’m snorting it all like crack 24/7 <3

[lotusarchon]

I had to make a whole google doc to sort my thoughts on this, that's how mad I am tbh. My friends have made explanations which you can find here, and here. And while I told myself that after that post I was done, seeing my friend receive a comment like this was the final pushing point I needed.

I'm both going to ramble about Nezha here again, and I'm going to try and explain this in a way that'll get people to understand, as someone who once followed an Eastern religion too + I'm going to be stating my basic thoughts here so maybe some things won't make sense.

Mild info about me: I'm from Trinidad. My family is described with East Indian descent but clearly, I'm not from India itself. My knowledge of Hinduism is rather basic because I quit religion thanks to traumatic experiences related to it, however not lacking fully. From my father's side, specifically his mother, they practice Hinduism and can even be considered devout Hindus (if I'm to believe all the statues and pictures of about almost every single Hindu god). Though my knowledge is basic, understand that I'm not Hindu nor Indian, so of course these are my opinions and my experiences with Hinduism, and I do not advise you taking my word fully to heart. I'm only trying to explain something to the LMK fandom in the best way I know how too, by referencing another Eastern religion that isn't half as popular as Daoism/Buddhism.

There's only one show I know where Hinduism is portrayed, and it's an anime/manga series called Record Of Ragnarok (Shuumatsu No Valkyrie), and from what I know it's not well liked by others (and even banned I think?) because of the fact Shiva is weaker than Zeus and the supposed sexualization of Parvati, Kali and Durga? It's been a while so I could be wrong on this though.

Why am I bringing this topic up to a rant about a lego character though?

#1) Fiction vs Religion and Reality

While one half expresses discontent and discomfort, I've seen others who clearly don't mind because Shiva is still badass and cool. I myself had some qualms about his appearance in the beginning because while I did quit religion, this was a god I used to worship, and seeing him in an anime/manga and be sexualized and simped for was…uncanny, to say the least. Overtime I grew numb to it though because it was genuinely funny and even I, an ex Hindu, found him attractive, and had not much hesitation writing smut about him in past fics.��

Similarly, I can imagine this is how Daoists and Chinese had originally felt about Nezha in Lego Monkie Kid [Only referencing LMK with Chinese deities. I'm aware there could be other media where they're in.] A bit weird at first but then overall got used to it because there's genuinely no harm done, as it's not meant to be an educational retelling of a god, but a fictional portrayal of him.

Returning to the point I mentioned with Shiva. When I first came across this series in 2021 (?), I did not feel too happy and comfortable with the image of a deity I've grown up worshipping as a child. I quit religion when I turned 13, so it's been nearly five years since I've had nothing to do with the main religion of my household; Hinduism. Still, I practically grew up worshipping this god I was taught to fear, and seeing a potrayal of him (which honestly in my opinion) didn't seem like a good thing at the time. 

Why did I eventually stop being bothered? Because this wasn't supposed to be retelling of Shiva. This was just a character with similarities to the god I worshipped, but wasn't the god. The series I watched wasn't even intending to teach audiences about any of the religions and real life figures they portrayed, they simply used them as inspiration to tell a story. They weren't accurate representations, but that was the point. It's a story about gods vs humans from history; of course it wasn't going to be accurate nor stay true to the figure they took inspiration from.

You can imagine then for a cartoon series meant to sell Legos. Lego Monkie Kid contains several characters that are known in Chinese myths and legends/religions. Of the most popular mentioned, there is Sun Wukong, one of the main characters in the series, Tang Sanzang otherwise known as Tripitaka and the Great Monk, Lady Guanyin mentioned in season 1, the one the fandom argues about, Nezha, the Jade Emperor in season 4, and most recently, Nuwa, and Heavenly Pagoda King, Li Jing. There may be others but these are the ones that are most known within the fandom. 

Mind you some of these figures are still very much worshipped now, but, point remains: the series was never intended to be a retelling of these characters stories, nor were they intended to be educational for audiences. They took inspiration directly, gave their own twists, and hence you have the story of LMK, meant to originally promote Legos and then eventually gave way to the series that this fandom belongs too.

These characters are not their source material, nor the origins of which they came from as religious figures. Sun Wukong is a Buddha within JTTW’s ends and if I'm right is still worshipped as such sometimes (?). He didn't hide away into a mountain at the end of his journey. His companions didn't die, nor were they reincarnated, but instead also acquired titles and became Buddhas as well. (Or gods? I frankly don't remember). Tang Sanzang as we've in season 4 was not some sort of brave, astute man in the book but rather a crybaby coward. Need I even point out that Nezha wouldn't have a giant mech to fight people, nor would he have such close deposition with the Jade Emperor? Or the fact that the Jade Emperor would be bested by someone like Azure Lion?

Not even counting Journey To The West and the Fengshen Yanyi, the real Tang Sanzang that Wu Cheng’en took inspiration of most certainly did not have a monkey, a pig, a water demon and a dragon turned horse with him on his journey. 

Why speak of all this?

To make my first point; religion and fiction are two very different things. Religion has existed for who knows how long, and fiction has recently decided to include fictional potrayals of these gods into stories and cartoons. From a writer's perspective, it's really interesting taking something that is a part of religion and writing it into your own works, with your own take on it.

And of course, brings me to the topic of Nezha.

Lego Monkie Kid Nezha is, according to an official writer within the show's team, an adult. Although many fans have their objections about this, supposedly because Nezha in other sources is a child god, and think that the writer only abruptly pointed out Nezha's an adult to save her own skin.

Taking all my points in consideration; let me humour the Nezha is a child god idea. What, exactly, does this have to do with Nezha in Monkie Kid? 

If Nezha, the god within Daoism and Buddhism, is supposedly a child deity, what law says that any other potryal of Nezha has to abide by this? 

By this logic. Shiva in the anime I mentioned above shouldn't be weaker than Zeus. He also shouldn't even be agreeing to fight mortals, as he's a deity far above such petty behavior. Zeus shouldn't be portrayed in books like PJO as a lecherous cheater, because in reality, Ancient Greece consisted of multiple kingdoms and thereby different interpretations of Zeus were merged together which is what consists of the myths we know of him today which is highly disrespectful, and Sun Wukong shouldn't be a mentor to MK, because he's supposed to be a Buddhist, and thereby wouldn't be entertaining fighting nuances.

Fiction doesn't not adhere to reality. The fact I need to say this astounds me because should this not be obvious? Lego Monkie Kid is a cartoon set in some sci-fi futuristic world with lego people walking around, where gods somehow need mechs to go around fighting, and there are animal-like demons/yaoguai walking around here and there. There is literally an arcade in the show with zero gravity. Do you possibly believe for a miniscule second that anything that goes down in a fictional setting will adhere to our reality??

And, even then, humouring the Nezha being a child deity concept > what law says that he has to be portrayed as a child in other pieces of fiction?? Especially when the fictional setting is not meant to be a retelling or for educational purposes, but rather to carry a plot. 

There is nothing, no law, no rules that insists that a religious figure must be portrayed as they are in a legend/myth for a fictional world.

Lego Monkie Kid Nezha is not the deity Nezha. He is a completely different character, which many of you should have realized from the exact moment he was brought into the show. They are not the same person. Never was. 

“Oh, it's disrespectful―” From a writer's perspective, I personally don't think so. If I wanted to make a story that involved a god, I wouldn't keep everything that makes that god who they are. There are some key points I would keep to make the story, but I would ultimately create an OC that shares some attributes to this religious figure, but it wouldn't be him. The show Record of Ragnarok does a good job with this in my opinion, because while many characters share some attributes to the real figures they're inspired by, the writers changed several things to create a proper story, and thereby making these characters OCs and not the actual gods themselves, and of course that logic applies to Lego Monkie Kid.

In the instance, again, Nezha the god from Daoism, is in fact a child deity, Nezha in LMK isn't. Nezha in LMK is someone who's entirely different from the god himself. 

So, the logic this fandom uses confuses me a lot. Do you not understand how to seperate fiction from religion?? Do many of you not understand media literacy, and what a writing process is like?

Sigh. Moving to another point―

#2) Character Designs

Sometimes, when it comes to character designs, anyone could just throw them into anything and think, “Yeah that's good.” Not much thought is given to a character's appearances depending, which I don't really blame as someone who's 1) done literature as a hobby and has seen my fair share of character designs, 2) creates characters myself. It's too hard thinking of a character's appearance, and even then when making them there normally wouldn't be any significance.

Nezha's design in LMK seems to be a huge source of debate when arguing about his age. It was actually brought up in my previous post, specifically that his hairstyle was often used by children at the time. 

I have a bone to pick with this point.

This is Nezha from Lego Monkie Kid:

However, this is Mei from the same show:

Before anyone starts, allow me to point out as a history geek that likes religion and pointless facts over politics: I am aware that there are different hairstyles to show certain things, including one's age and status and sometimes even personality. Do not bring up any points about the differences in these characters hairstyles with an excuse, “Oh, but you should know―”, because I know how hairstyles could be treated within history. 

However. Look at Nezha's hairstyle, and then Mei's. I've never seen the LMK fandom complain about Mei's age, because it was generally believed that MK and Mei are both at least 18 if not older, as the legal age for a driver's license in China is 18. 

Both Nezha and Mei are wearing a ‘bun’ type hairstyle. Mei's is arguably more of twin ponytails (?), but I'm not a hairstylist, so I don't know what they're called. To me they look similar, that's all I'm trying to say. And even if they weren't though―through a modern lense, a hairstyle isn't reserved for just any specific age. Anyone can wear a hairstyle they want. Keep in mind that the creators of LMK are also Western(?), and they chose a hairstyle for these two characters based on personality and appearances. 

A hairstyle is not reserved for any age. Grown women including my aunts have worn hairstyles similar to these just for fun.

That's point one.

Point two; Nezha is a very popular deity, much like Sun Wukong. In terms of recognition, Sun Wukong is very easy to recognize because of his staff and his overall cocky personality. 

Nezha however is an entirely different case. Most media potrayals of him always has the two-bun hairstyle of him, which is what makes Nezha recognizable. If you remove that specific hairstyle of his, you won't recognize him. It's iconic, and pointed out in this scene (The Legend of Hei) where Nezha makes an appearance as well.

[Characters sitting together. White haired boy (Hei + MC) looks at the older, dark haired boy (Nezha). Nezha looks back.]

Nezha: What? You want an autograph?

Hei: You're a boy?

Nezha: Yeah?

Hei: Your hairstyle is cute.

[Nezha looks in front with an annoyed expression.]

Nezha: If it weren't for the recognizability, I'd have changed it long ago.

Hei: Recognizability?

[Nezha removes the buns(? some form of them?) from his head. Three older figures glance at him.]

???: Who are you?

[Scene returns]

Nezha: See?

Aka, point being made: those buns are what makes Nezha recognizable. If he doesn't have that hairstyle, unless it's specifically pointed out, I'm certain majority would not recognize him. 

Some hairstyles are meant to be done for some form of meaning. But sometimes, as is the case with designs, they're just there just because no one wanted to make the characters bald. Using the excuse about Nezha's hairstyle to justify his age as a child is by far the lamest and dumbest excuse I've ever heard of, because the creators did not give him that hairstyle for the sake of some meaning anymore than MK was given his current hairstyle either. It's his logo at this point, ignoring his color scheme aside.

Even then, if the creators of Lego Monkie Kid intended for Nezha to be a child within the show, he would not appear as he is. Lego Monkie Kid has made children models, which we can see here (used from s3 and up in case someone tries to excuse the differences in seasons): 

And of course, Nezha's model;

Despite the perspective and low quality though, he's at least the same height as Red Son here:

If Lego Monkie Kid truly intended for Nezha to be a child, his appearance and model would be similar to the children's in the show. Perspective is difficult to find but you can clearly see he's about the same height as the other adult characters if not taller, and is not small like the child figures we see.

Pink isn't a children's color, and nothing about Nezha's clothing indicates a child. He very much looks like an adult and doesn't exhibit childish behavior as we see Red Son, Mei and MK do.

I've seen fans use his voice to point out he's an adult, but I'm not sure that's a valid point. I say this as someone who has a 13 year old brother and was recently a minor myself. 

Allow me to clarify: a voice isn't a clear proof of age. My father is a 45 year old man but sounds very much like a woman/teenage girl. My brother is 13 and sounds more of an adult than his father. My classmate in highschool was one year older than me and his voice was very high-pitched. 

The voice actors in LMK are directed to speak a certain way for a reason…in English. I'm not sure about Mandarin. In my opinion, Wukong's voice sounds like Son Goku's because it's a reference to the fact Wukong is what inspired Goku. Nezha's probably sounds deep and brooding not because he's a child but because it almost represents his own personality, and probably is a reference from another shonen protagonist Ichigo Kurosaki. MK's voice in the beginning sounds really childish to me but slowly as the events of s3, 4 and 5 happen it gets more deeper almost as a reference to show how his ‘innocence’ is slowly fading. 

Or, I might be looking to into it. Regardless, tdlr, don't use Nezha's voice in your argument. I've seen grown ass men have high pitched voices. 

Returning to my original point however; if you have an ounce of media literacy and understanding, you should be aware that some character designs are chosen for a reason. Nezha's icon is those two bun hairstyle, and the writers purposely chose it so old fans/readers of JTTW and FSYY and maybe other Chinese/Daoists would be able to recognize him and go, “Hey, that's Nezha from―”

Before I got into LMK, I read JTTW and also saw The Legend of Hei and the Nezha 2019 movie, so I knew him because of the hairstyle. And my first instinct of course was to point out, “That's the dude from TLOH!!” when I saw him. So, the hairstyle was chosen for the recognizability, and I highly doubt as a sign of age.

Even then, LMK Nezha aside, moving on to a different point.

#3) Sources Of Inspiration

The 21st century isn't really the first era where people are taking inspiration from other cultures. As a matter of fact, it's been happening for decades, and it's very prominent in religion, which someone of you would know if you both a) actually did proper research, b) gave a shit about what you're researching and c) studied history.

Hilariously, I have done all three of the above. 

I'm going to use a popular example here with Sun Wukong and Hanuman. Hinduism is supposedly largely considered one of the oldest religions in the world. If you truly think about it, certain Daoist deities are loosely inspired or are versions of Hindu gods, which I'm going to use here with a popular example (and provide a link too).

― Sun Wukong and Hanuman. The earliest Vedic records mention one of the supposed known monkey gods, and their similarities make scholars suggest Hanuman inspired Sun Wukong. Specifically his figure in JTTW, where it's speculated that the author must've had a copy of Vedic (?) hymns. While Sun Wukong does predate JTTW, Hanuman definitely has had some influence on him.

Much, much similarly, the deity known as Nezha, is also loosely inspired/based off the figure known as Nalakuvara, who appears in Hindu and Buddhist mythology, and often appears as a sexual trickster figure in Hindu and Buddhist literature.

Historically speaking, when it comes to religion and myths, something many people fail to understand is that before there was the idea of writing to tell a story, there was the process known as sharing from mouth to ear. Not in a literal sense, but rather that people often preferred to tell stories via word of mouth back then, and as things always go in history, there will be changes. The proof is literally right there. Nezha was originally known as Nalakuvara, yet when transmitted through Buddhist texts, he became known as Nazha, then Nezha. And as such, the Lotus Prince and Chinese god known as Nezha was created. A combination of Nalakuvara and the child god Krishna.

A lot of people will want to jump on that specific point that mentions Krishna being a child god, so allow me to immediately put you down right there.

Ex Hindu here; I did not even know there was a portrayal of Krishna as a child. Up until I stopped practicing Hinduism, I used to worship Krishna as an adult figure. In the paintings and statues my aunts had for Diwali as a child, he was always showcased as an adult.

Ironically, doesn't this apply for the actual god Nezha too? 

When it comes to religion and myths, many of you forget something very important; there is no such thing as a canon iteration. These aren't shows, these are stories from the past told through different people, and passed through many hands. There is no such thing as a canon version because almost everyone had their own version of a myth or story. Terms you may typically apply to fandoms don't apply to fucking religions and myths, and some of you are so chronically online that you forget it.

#4) The LMK Fandom's Chronically Online Attitude

I'm an ex Hindu who still faintly remembers some bits and pieces from my childhood while practicing this religion, especially during the Diwali period, where little me managed to get new information from library books about the gods my family worshipped. I personally didn't like sitting during the priest's (forgot what he was called) chanting though but the funny white thingy we used to have to wear was fun. 

There are some Hindu gods I'm familiar with, like Lakshmi, Kali, Durga and the other versions of her (I still can't recover from the one statue with her in a fish..) Parvati, Shiva, Vishnu, Hanuman (yaah), Rama and Sita, Ganesh (also yah) and of course, Krishna.  I also have watched my fair share of childhood movies and cartoons where the gods were mentioned or present―Karan & Arjun specifically struck the fear in me with Kali 😭😭 holy fuck that movie scared me with the creepy edits jeez T-T. There was also that one cartoon about Rama and Sita”s story specifically Hanuman, and this Indian TV series where this little girl was a loyal devotee to Ganesha (I had no idea rats were one of his uh signature animals holy shit).

I'm rambling here a bit because the childhood memories were fun, but the point I'm going for is though….

I am familiar with these gods I grew up with. And I know about them, maybe not enough but certainly enough to know how to properly respect them from back then. 

And, using Krishna as a prime example; if someone came up to me, or I came across anyone, who argues that the god I know is an immortal child, even though I have worshipped and adult version of him, I'd be so fucking pissed. Krishna is seen as an adult, I worshipped him as an adult, but there are cases where he's a child god, and that's fine! But to have someone tell you that you're wrong about the god you know about because they got some basic information off the internet, undoubtedly, I'm going to be pissed. Especially when it's from a Western fan who has no fucking brain.

So, of course, imagine how devotees of Nezha and Chinese people must be feeling every single time this fandom fucks about with Nezha's age. I saw it myself; people told my friend that a) she was lying and b) her statement is irrelevant just because “I did my proper research, and even if you're Chinese you can still be a proshipper, Nezha's a child deity.”

It's genuinely so fucked up to me how the LMK fandom act towards Nezha's age. You guys will ignore the people who are willing to provide accurate information for the sake of being in the right and accusing people for being a proshipper over a deity they have more experience with than you, a Western fan who has no knowledge of Eastern religion.

It's insane. There are actual Daoist and Chinese who are pointing out the fact Nezha isn't an immortal fucking child. 

You're not only disrespectful, you insane, childish and most importantly chronically online. Nezha the god isn't a fictional character, there's nothing ‘canon’ about him. He's a god who's lived for decades longer than you, and his existence predates yours. People have long sinced worshipped Nezha, and the fact that you can so boldly tell someone they're wrong about the god they've worshipped is so disrespectful.

Do you not realize, as Nezha is worshipped as a child, he's worshipped as an adult? Do you not take into account how absolutely disgusting and horrible you are telling Daoists and Chinese who have stated time and time again the information of Nezha being an immortal child is factually incorrect that they're wrong and know nothing??

I'm repeating my statement; I'm an ex Hindu, but if anyone told me that Krishna's an immortal child too and then point out I'm wrong and my point doesn't matter, I would be seething. And I don't blame my friend who's losing their temper about Nezha's age. 

What amazes me though, somehow, is the fact that. If anyone who was Chinese + Daoist agreed with your claims, as Cole from Twitter once did, none of you would've spoken that way to my friend. But of course, once she points out she's Chinese/ex Daoist and disagrees with you, majority of the opinions switched because, she wasn't agreeing with your headcanon, right? So even though she's Chinese, she's bad because she disagreed with you.

You're all disgusting and fucking weird.

And the fact y'all in this fandom will habitually prove yourselves as hypocrites by attacking people, and then ignoring the ones who are capable of proving you're wrong to cling to a false idea is insane. You guys need some actual help, holy fucking shit. 

Nezha isn't an immortal child. That's a god. If he was intended to be a child in LMK, there would've been statements about it. 

Seperate fiction from religion, and seperate your headcanon from canon and the actual god. If you think this biased headcanon is okay and attacking people that point you out for being wrong is somehow okay, I sincerely ask that you take a break from the internet, and read a book.

No, don't just read a book. Read a history book. Pick up some knowledge, understand how religion and history works. 

Furthermore. The research some of you guys are doing is actually shit, by the way. You guys aren't researching properly if you can pull up with Nezha is 12, thing. If you actually cared about his age, you'd put more effort and actually stop being disrespectful to the people who are giving you the proper information. You only research surface level so you can attack people.

And additionally, stop playing the Devil's advocate. Most of you are just Western fans who think you know everything from reading one book or watching one show. You read JTTW or watch OSP’s videos and suddenly, you know more than an actual Chinese person or Daoist. You look up Wikipedia and think, “Oh yeah, I'll go with this!” And that's it. Most of you at best can provide only three websites at most, and I can bet my ass that these websites with information about Nezha's age was written by a fan who got their information from a shit source.

I love History, and most specifically, I love religion. Not so much the divine aspects as it is about the myths that surround it. Whenever I get into a fandom, I need to find out more about their religion and history. Getting into JTTW, and eventually, LMK, pushed me into a rabbit hole of Chinese myths that I really enjoy learning. But dealing with idiots who think they know more?? It's sickening as shit.

I'd like to think I'm good at literature things because once it's a religion or myth I want to learn everything about it. But I know I don't know everything, and I know especially I have more to learn. I'd never tell someone who is a part or worships the religion/culture I'm learning that they're factually incorrect about it just because I have an opinion and I learnt my info from a random source.

You guys in the LMK fandom are incredibly entitled. The Nezha is 12 controversy is a headcanon, which became worst by that asshat Cole on Twitter. And because so many of you don't want to learn the truth, whenever someone tries to point out and help you, you ignore them or attack them, and deny their heritage.

And honestly?? You guys suck. 

And this is coming from me!! Some of y'all are grown ass adults too!! And yet I'm childish and immature!?!

Brother I literally turned 18 a few months ago, yet I'm 100% certain I'm not throwing a blasted hissy fit over a fucking god the way some of you all who are most definitely adults are doing.

And finally, the one thing that actually does make me laugh is because I'm pretty sure most of you didn't do History classes. One of the most important things my history teacher taught me is; don't use Wikipedia as a source of viable information. Thousands of people are capable of accessing Wikipedia and changing information as they want, and so it's much better to find book solid resources from libraries. I did in fact use Wikipedia too (hypocritical of me yeah) so of course I wouldn't advise using the screenshots I provided from Wikipedia as evidence to the argument, because anything on Wikipedia can be changed. If I'm feeling extra petty I could change something myself to be in the right.

Furthermore, if you dare to bring up only JTTW and FSSY as a plausible argument about Nezha's age, I'm genuinely going to throw hands and fuck your mother. I think my friend also mentioned it in their posts but I'll mention it here too; JTTW does NOT state Nezha's age. I've read JTTW, and aside from Wukong vs Nezha there's nothing else that states Nezha's age. For all we're aware of, Wukong called Nezha a kid just out of spite, and I do it too when I'm arguing with someone. FSSY is the Investiture of the Gods and the ORIGINS!! Do you THINK a book about the ORIGINS of the gods would focus on other aspects about them!!? No!!

I expect some of the arguments I might get are;

"Oh, Nezha [appearances] could be wearing a glamor!" That is a headcanon, as we see nothing in LMK to refute that. Macaque's scar is canon because it's shown within the show. Nezha's appearance has NOT fluctuated since he was introduced. The idea of him using a glamor or illusion is a HEADCANON unless proven by the show. And headcanons are NOT vital.

"But you use Wikipedia too :(" Which I pointed out and made aware of, which is I also doubt that source myself. If any of you did History, your teachers are supposed to INFORM you that using a website is NOT a good idea for backing up information, and it's much better to use books or other trusted sources. In the case of Nezha, I'm trusting actual Daoists/Chinese who knows more about him than I do. It's because I did PROPER research that I even came across a good source of information, aka @ruibaozha, who I'm sure can share more light on this than me! The fact that some of you guys won't even acknowledge them is almost proof that...you're clinging to a headcanon. Jackass.

"But Nezha in JTTW/FSSY are 7/12 and that's where LMK takes it's inspiration from so obviously―" We've seen for a fact LMK does NOT follow JTTW to the letter. Jade Emperor beating Wukong?? Lady Bone Demon being a powerful foe and being trapped in a bunker? Azure even being able to kill the Emperor? Majority of the LMK fandom likes to point out that LMK Macaque and JTTW Macaque are two different people, especially when you claim that Macaque is a bad character because he cannibalized the monkeys. So then, with this logic, JTTW Nezha, FSSY Nezha, and LMK Nezha are also three seperate figures. I swear someone made a post about the differences JTTW and FSSY Nezha have too, but I can't find it so meh. The point still remains though. LMK Nezha are two different people, you're not making any sense to me about that argument. Even then, LMK isn't taking direct inspiration and putting their own twist. Who says anything needs to be accurate??

"The writer only said Nezha's an adult to ship lotuspeach!" Are you faintly aware people, actual Chinese people, have shipped these characters together? Proshippers can come from anywhere but I genuinely doubt every single person is a proshipper because of course, they're aware their god isn't an eternal child. On top of that, in a situation like this another writer would point out that Nezha ISN'T an adult. No one has argued against this claim, so why persist? Where's your logic coming from if not entitlement?

I want this to be the last time I have to talk about Nezha, because I made my blog to write porn and me smooching my favorite LMK characters. I kinda don't really like making discussions like this because that's not the point of my blog.

However...I do like rambling. A lot :)))

Anyways, point blank. LMK fandom needs to grow out of this entitled mindset and stop ignoring the facts from experts. You guys are just being annoying at this point.

My argument isn't really valid tbh, just pointless rambling because I only know basic information. I think you guys should find proper information from accounts online.

Also, if you're gonna argue: don't bring be albeist, racist etc etc. I'm capable of cussing you out without bringing up your mental health, race or identity :)))

[critter-of-habit]

When I watched the new What If episode with Peggy & Nat I immediately thought of you, your art, and what your reaction would be. Especially since it was kind of a retelling of Captain America & The Winter Soldier.

What are your thoughts on the episode?

Seeing as you asked, I WILL TELL YOU MY MANY THOUGHTS. WITH PICTURES.

under the cut for length lol

First of all, as usual the animation, particularly the lighting, was incredible. Also the effects! The explosions, smoke, everything. Always blows me away how much effort and love these animators put in to What If.

I love that it's Winter Soldier based because by god do I love that movie - but I also love that it's so very different to my AU cos that means I can keep going with it lol.

Okay here we go with the highlights - Blatant flirting and showing off:

This???:

Just how in sync they were with every fight scene - even in the Battle of New York when they had only known each other for a few hours.

HEY LOVELY. LOVELY:

Angst. And how soft Nat is here:

"Hey, Peg. I got you."

Natasha's inability to sit in a chair properly:

Peggy making a star wars reference and Nat calling her out on it like .. Nat you RECOGNIZED the reference you're a nerd too

"You know I always wondered how you got all those GI Boys to follow a woman into war: question answered." ie. "I'm so into you right now":

This Natasha stabbed Dreykov to death with a corkscrew and I love her for it.

Natasha instinctively putting herself in between Peggy and Steve even though they're both twice her size

I've already mentioned but, the choice to focus on Natasha's face in this scene:

Nat's face here:

Natasha only getting taken down by the robots because her gay-Peggy-focused-ass gets distracted when Peggy runs off to protect Steve: (I'll come back to this point later as a negative)

MELINA.

Was anyone else looking to see if Yelena was there

"Let's unpack that later, shall we?"

"I don't know whether to kiss you, kill you, or dissect you." "Let me guess, all three?"

I bet the Captain Carter film was baby Nat's gay awakening lol:

Melina's glorious slo-mo "grandma, it's me, anastasia" coat drop:

Peggy running to save Nat T_T

These shots:

Nat wearing the same outfit from Winter Soldier:

Natasha "too-loyal-and-infatuated-for-her-own-good" Romanoff going along with Peggy again to look for Steve without even being asked. (in stark contrast to the end of Winter Soldier when Natasha did not go with Steve to look for Bucky, I might add)

New reaction image:

Peggy and Nat calling and reaching out to each other when the portal opens and ALMOST making it - then Natasha punching the ground in desperation T_T

These two look SO COOL and I can't wait for the 1602 episode.

Negative points:

Rehashing Ste/ggy all over again - we already HAD that and it was endgame, why do it again?

As much as I adore Natasha's intense loyalty, it's very one sided in this episode and I'm wondering if that's intentional. Peggy is hyperfocused on Steve and leaves Nat behind to run after him multiple times, even though he is in an entire suit of armor and is FINE and Natasha is the one actually getting injured. Then she's leaving at the end without saying goodbye to go find Steve again (despite there being no reason to think he's alive? he EXPLODED??) even though Natasha just went through a trauma too and shouldn't be abandoned. Kinda feels like Peggy is taking Natasha's always being there for granted and I really hope it's addressed in following episodes (though I doubt it will be - it'll just be Steve focused again -_- )

Okay I think I'm done. This was a LOT I'm not sorry I've been waiting for more content for SO LONG I can't wait for the rest of the episodes to rip my heart out and stomp on it :3

[mercury2venus]

CHAPTER 6

ARCHETYPE

MDNI. hehe they getting freaky again.

I readjusted the dark shades on my face. Currently Kyle had me front row at a fashion show. I’ve never been to one out of the country let alone PARIS! I searched the crowd for him and began to get nervous. He didn’t leave me here, right ? Of course not he wouldn’t do that. I wasn’t too good with French and didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of anyone here. But a woman next to me sensed my anxiety and turned to me with a smile

“ First show ? “ she asked. She had an American accent, thank God.

“ Yeah, it is.” I laughed

Her eyes searched my face and suddenly a wave of recognition rolled in

“ You're here with Kyle right ?

My eyes widened for a split second, before returning to its neutral state

How the fuck did she know that and how close are they for them to be on a first name basis

“ I mean this is his show after all, everyone is here for him “ she went on

She continued to ramble as I started thinking.

I never even thought of the women Kyle has been with or if I am his only woman. We never discussed exclusivity. Suddenly I felt a bit nauseous. Was he playing in my face ? Am I in a crowd full of his lovers ?

And what the hell does she mean by his show? He seemed to have left that part out.

Before I could ask any questions, the lights dimmed and the show started. The fashion lover in me was on full display. I was fully engrossed in everything. I pushed my shades back up and fixed posture while the models walked out. I couldn’t get caught looking crazy.

Each design was more fabulous than the last, I was reminded at that moment again who this man was. Kyle Alexander literally called the Michelangelo of Fashion.

His mentors were Giorgio Armani and Dapper Dan himself. Kyle was still an enigma to me, I still didn’t know that much about him.

As the girls were walking the runway the same woman next to me turned my way again

“ It's funny you’re literally the archetype in his mind.”

“ How exactly do you know all of this ? “ I asked with an attitude. This lady was working my last nerve

“ Girl Kyle tells me everything ! “

Oh absolutely the fuck not.

I furrowed my brows and asked what she meant by that. The woman simply shook her head and giggled. She then got up and left to go wherever.

By the time the show was over I was amazed inspired and instilled with a new sense of anxiety. I used my pass to get to the back where I found Kyle looking beyond stressed.

Okay so I’ll wait on knocking this green eyed nigga’s spleen loose. I thought

Kyle noticed me and gave his usual charming smile but, quickly stopped once he took in my face and stance

“ Are you okay Mecca ?”

“ Yea just a little taken back, why didn’t you tell me this was your show “ I asked

“I wanted it to be a surprise, he laughed “ so did you like the show “

“ I loved it but you could’ve told me it was yours, what if they see us together. “ I questioned

“ guess they’ll finally catch a picture of me then. “

He looked at my concerned face “ Relax Mecca we’re fine “

I let out a breath and mumbled an okay.

“ Am I the only woman you’re sleeping with Kyle” I asked. The lady from earlier was still bugging me.

“Yes you are and you’re the only woman I’m interested in. Trust me I don’t want anyone else.” He stared at me with a look I couldn’t place.

I guess that’s the best answer I was going to get for right now.

Kyle showed me around Paris as if it was his second home.

Now we sat in this back of this 5 star restaurant making casual convo. I was retelling a story of when I met the members of Jodeci during my time at Vibe magazine

“ They were loud as hell except DeVantè. He was more reserved but it was after his accident, I’m glad I left an impression because years later I was able to interview him and that’s what really got me my start. “

Kyle soaked in every word I said, laughing at my corny jokes and rubbing my knee when I got emotional

“I’m sure your mother is proud of you, Mecca.” He smiled

“ how are you so sure” I whispered

“That’s how mothers are. My mother has always told me she was proud of me even before I was born, I’ve taken that with me throughout life since.” He spoke to me. He was right, my mother definitely would be proud. For the the first time in years I felt like I was enough.

I’ve been chasing after my mother’s approval since her death. It’s like I forgot how she was during her life. She was proud of me no matter what, so why wouldn’t it live on after she’s left this earth?

“This has been the best time of my life “i said. “Thank you for bringing me with you you really didn’t have to.”

“I wanted you to come”, he said to me

“I know but you still didn’t have to. For the first time in a very long time I’m happy. So thank you Kyle. Thank you for helping me find a part of myself again”

I didn’t realize I was crying till Kyle was wiping my tears.

“You’re welcome my love, thank you for allowing me to help you. “

I leaned in and gave him a kiss.

He grabbed my face and deepened it, after a few beats I was left breathless

With our foreheads touching he spoke lowly

Let’s go back. Hm ?

The ride was full of thick tension. I sat across from Kyle , his gaze traveled up my legs to my face. I swear the look in his eyes was going to melt my panties clean off. The partition was up and our driver, whose name I found out was Anthony, was solely focused on getting us back to the hotel.

“ I think we should take advantage of the traffic. I spoke softly

Kyle gestured for me to come here. I moved towards his lap and giggled. He pulled me towards his lips as his fingers found their way up my dress and into my panties

“ Please, Ky.” I whispered.

He began to kiss on my neck, his slender fingers slipped into my wetness.

I let out a moan asking him to go faster. I felt him speed up while my eyes crossed

My orgasm was getting closer and closer till he pulled his fingers out. I brought them to my mouth and licked them clean. Kyle let out a groan.

“ you’re different today” he chuckled

“ I guess I just wanna show you how much I appreciate you” I bit my lip. “Let me ride it, please daddy

“ We'll be back at the hotel soon Mecca, can you wait for me darling ?” He asked me.

“No. I can’t “ I whined. Kyle shook his head and smiled “ you can be such a brat at times.” I rubbed my hands against his bulge and began to do his pants.

“ I’ll be quick baby” I promised. Kyle smirked and told me to go ahead. I pulled his dick out and raised my body a little then eased down on it. Kyle hissed as I hung my mouth open. “ Mmm I missed this dick baby oh fuck” I kept an up and down motion as I balanced on my feet. Kyle gripped my ass guiding me along his length. “ keep riding me just like that. He threw his head back. I noticed his eyes fluttering shut so I took the opportunity to get close to his ear “ you love this pussy don’t you baby “ I moaned.

“ talk to me daddy, I need to hear you.” I put one of my hands around his throat

That got his attention

“ fuck yes, shit. Chill out Mecca before I cum too quick. “ he grunted. I licked my hand and began to pump him as I rode him slow. I’d switch from my pussy back to my hand and sometimes both, begging for Kyle to cum for me if he was serious about me.

“ if this really your pussy you’d do what I say and cum for me” I pumped faster then quickly removed it dropping my ass down. Shit I was going to make myself cum any minute now.

“ stop playing with me Mecca” Kyle's voice faltered and I knew he was getting close.

“ we’re almost at the hotel Kyle, you gonna listen to Mama ?” I asked sweetly

Kyle’ s resolve snapped. At that moment he grabbed my hands and locked them behind my back. He pushed himself all the way inside and dug me out with no hesitation.

“ what’s all that shit you were saying now, you know this is mine. Now take this dick like a good fuckin girl and I might let you cum tonight. “ he spoke harshly

I moaned for him to slow down but Kyle’s pace was relentless. He smacked my ass “ where you want this nut ? “

“Inside! inside! oh my god baby please nut in me—“

“ Mm fuck I love you so much Mecca”

record scratch.

…

Love ?

I felt Kyle fill me up with his warm cum, he took a finger and plugged back in the overflow. We sat back there catching our breaths.

Then we heard a light tap and a very chipper voice

“ Mr. Alexander, Miss Ali, we’ve arrived!”

Damn I forgot Anthony was there.

Taglist : @kaylalb @rawflwrs @rose-bliss @blyffe 

[helila]

ao3 meme

tagged by @sparatus tysm <3

tagging @dispatchwithlove @varuna-writes @miceenscene @natsora

[my ao3] ✨

How many works do you have on AO3?

6 lol

What's your total word count?

122,161

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Friendly Fire with 153, First Contact War AU with Garrus and my Femshep. Enemies to friends with language barrier, because the situation intrigued me.

Starlight Lament with 70. The new and improved ME3 longfic in progress, where I wanted to fix plot holes and character arcs. Currently at 17 chapters and 92K words. Spooky, sad, slow. I'm sweating blood trying to write this to the best of my abilites.

Reprieve with 56, a 3 chapter story retelling of Garrus's loyalty mission with some angst and yearning.

Rules of Engagement with 42. A sweet little first date fic for shakarian that didn't get the reception I had hoped for. Oof.

Some lonely evening on Omega got 41 after I typed it out into a tumblr draft, then posted it to ao3 as my first ME work. Garrus angst.

yeah I got that shakarian brainrot, it's incurable.

Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

I get like max 4 comments a year, of course I respond. I cry tears of joy when that Ao3 email hits my inbox, I tell my mom, I tell the neighbors.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Neither of them just yet. Starlight Lament will be brutal when I finally finish it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Rules of Engagement ends with a first kiss, so that's the uncontested winner.

Do you write crossovers?

I would like to, eventually. I like AUs, I like crossovers, I had a whole Mass Effect/Battlestar Galactica art project happening a few years ago that I could possibly pick up again if my free time allowed so.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I'm not famous enough to hate.

Do you write smut?

I wrote some light smut in Honey and Sea Salt recently. I'm more into angst and existential horror.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nay.

What's your all time favorite ship?

Well... guess.

What's a WIP that you want to finish don't think you ever will?

I wanted to write at least one more chapter for Rules of Engagement, but the lukewarm reception put me off so badly, every time I think about it I cringe myself into avoidance. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What are your writing strengths?

Character voices and pacing. These come to me pretty naturally, and I can easily get carried away with dialogue tbh.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action sequences make me sweat. Writing descriptions make me feel like I'm a toddler going "the sky was blue, and the grass was green, and the birds sang nicely."

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Well, english is not my first language so. There's that.

What's the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, and it never saw the light of god, thankfully.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

I have a Blair Witch Project fic cooking, and another one for Damsel (look... it's a fix-it).

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

I genuinely don't know. Each of them have parts I really love for one reason or another. They each reflect something about my own life, stuff I was going through at the moment of writing. But I think I can say that Starlight Lament makes me the proudest, because it's such a huge ass effort to write, and sometimes it makes me want to chew rocks.

[oddyseye]

Okay I genuinely mean this with full curiosity, no malice whatsoever (gotta state this bc I’m bad with tone), but why do you like Paris so much? I haven’t read the Iliad or the Odyssey yet (trying to find a good translation so if you got recs 👀) but I saw some of the post on your page and I was just genuinely curious and you seem well versed in this

Valid question, considering Paris gets absolutely dogpiled in, like, every retelling. People act like he kicked a baby and spat on a shrine.

So first: why do I like Paris?

Because no one else does. Because he's the scapegoat. Because every war needs a villain and this poor man was a herdsman when they found him.

People love to treat Paris like the villain of the Trojan War. Like he single-handedly destroyed Troy with his evil seduction powers or something. But like...Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite literally dangled the entire cosmos in front of him and told him to pick one of them. And he picked Aphrodite because, shocker, he's like twenty and dumb and thought love sounded nice.

I am also very soft for Paris in Lucian's Dialogues of the Gods because he's so stupid dumb and himbo-coded. Like. This man said "why am I not all eyes like Argus" with his whole chest. He's panicking. He's flailing like a baby deer. I'm obsessed. He's out here comparing goddesses to goats and heifers like he's judging livestock at the county fair and somehow still sounds poetic. This is the most divine himbo energy I've ever witnessed. 10/10 I would also fight a war for him.

Here are my favorite parts:

PARIS: As for me, I can tell you which of two goats is the fairer beast; or I can judge betwixt heifer and heifer;—’tis my trade.

ICONIC. LEGEND. I would trust him with my drink and also my life. He's got two brain cells and both are holding hands and crying. I LOVE HIM.

PARIS: I bathe in beauty: I am enthralled: ah, why am I not all eyes like Argus?

😭😭 This boy read one (1) myth once and was like that's the reference I'm gonna pull right now!

APHRODITE: But you have heard of Helen, of course? PARIS: No, ma'am; but I should like to hear all about her now.

PARIS: What, when she is married already? APHRODITE: Tut, child, you are a simpleton: I understand these things.

PARIS: But that is what I cannot believe,—that she will forsake her husband to cross the seas with a stranger, a barbarian.

Hermes is right, he is a charming young man. Stupid as a bag of rocks but charming.

I also like him because his name, Paris (Πάρις), probably comes from the Luwian Parizitis, meaning "son of a noble", or it might relate to the Greek verb paríēmi—"to let go" or "to allow to fall". And that slaps, because that's exactly what he does: he lets the world fall into war, he lets Troy fall, he himself falls. He's literally a name made of ruin. Tell me that's not poetic? And his epithet, Ἀλέξανδρος (Alexander), means "defender of men", which he got by (according to Apollodorus) fighting robbers and defending the flocks during his time as a literal nobody:

When he grew to be a young man, Paris excelled many in beauty and strength, and was afterwards surnamed Alexander, because he repelled robbers and defended the flocks.

Not to mention, he is so damn susceptible to what everyone around him says. Like, his spine? Made of wet pasta. He is consistently written as someone who just folds. All the time. The man is soft-spined in everything except Helen.

Literally, in Iliad Book 3, after being shamed by Hector, he's like "yeah okay fine I'll duel Menelaus", even though minutes earlier he was strutting around like a peacock. And when Aphrodite tells him to get his ass back to the bedroom? He goes. No resistance. Or like, in Book 6 of The Iliad, Hector's back again with the emotional warfare, saying he wishes Paris had never been born. And Paris just shrugs it off and goes, "fair point tbh", then offers to catch up later. Man doesn't even defend himself. He is like…famously compliant, again in all but giving up Helen, who represents his entire delusional worldview.

In every source (Homer, the tragedians, even in later retellings) Paris is almost always described as going along with what others tell him to do. Hector yells at him? He sulks and then goes back into battle. Priam says "stop being dramatic" and Paris is like "oh okay, fair". Aphrodite demands he go claim his prize and he literally teleports. He doesn't resist the gods, he doesn't argue with his father, he doesn't challenge the warriors who call him a coward.

Except when it comes to giving Helen back. That's the one moment Paris becomes immovable.

Everyone's like "Dude, please, just return the woman and we can stop this apocalyptic 10-year bloodbath", and he's like "Actually no 🙂." Which is rich considering he did kidnap her (like yeah, I acknowledge that; man saw a goddess-made opportunity and took it, no questions asked).

So like. He's impressionable when it serves the narrative, until the one time his stubbornness absolutely dooms everyone. Iconic. He folds under pressure but refuses to bend when it actually matters. Paris is the softest marshmallow in the bag...until you try to take Helen out of his sticky little hands. Then he's granite.

Paris is the only one of the Trojan princes who's not a soldier by instinct, and that is so interesting. He isn't an ideal hero, and that's what makes him stand out. The Iliad is full of men trying to be the perfect warrior. Also: he has a bow. A ranged weapon. And every time a Greek author wants to shade a guy, they give him a bow instead of a spear. Because bows are "cowardly", aka not up-close, aka not "manly". And Paris leans into it. He's not trying to be Achilles. He's not pretending to be someone he's not. The dude feels things. A lot. Like, everything. He's a man of extremes, and honestly, that's relatable. He has no problem feeling guilty, regretful, ashamed, or even afraid to fight. A lot of the heroes in the Iliad are obsessed with honor and reputation, but Paris isn't that into it. He cares, but it doesn't override his humanity. He is aware of his own fragility and mortality in a way that I think is overlooked in a lot of other characters.

Then, Oenone. Paris' first love.

She was a nymph, a healer, and, most importantly, the woman Paris could have had a whole other life with. But Paris is caught in this web of fate, desire, and, like, divine bullshit (we all know how the gods love to mess things up). He leaves Oenone behind to go after Helen—because, you know, she's the face that launched a thousand ships and all that—only to return, years later, wounded and dying, looking for help. She refuses. Tragic flower twink dies. She regrets it and kills herself either by hanging or throwing herself onto his pyre.

Into Oenone's presence thus he came. Amazed her thronging handmaids looked on him as at the Nymph's feet that pale suppliant fell faint with the anguish of his wound, whose pangs stabbed him through brain and heart, yea, quivered through his very bones, for that fierce venom crawled through all his inwards with corrupting fangs; and his life fainted in him agony-thrilled. As one with sickness and tormenting thirst consumed, lies parched, with heart quick-shuddering, with liver seething as in flame, the soul, scarce conscious, fluttering at his burning lips, longing for life, for water longing sore; so was his breast one fire of torturing pain. Then in exceeding feebleness he spake: "O reverenced wife, turn not from me in hate for that I left thee widowed long ago! Not of my will I did it: the strong Fates dragged me to Helen -- oh that I had died ere I embraced her -- in thine arms had died! […] My queen, I sinned, in folly sinned; yet from death save me -- oh, make haste to save!"

Of these things with her handmaids did the Queen of Heaven hold converse, and of many such, but Paris, while they talked, gave up the ghost on Ida: never Helen saw him more. Loud wailed the Nymphs around him; for they still remembered how their nursling wont to lisp his childish prattle, compassed with their smiles. And with them mourned the neatherds light of foot, sorrowful-hearted; moaned the mountain-glens.

I love how Quintus contrasts Oenone's initial rejection of healing Paris with the Nymphs' mourning. The Nymphs are still holding onto the memory of the boy they raised, the one who had so much promise, before the weight of the world was on his shoulders. There's this sadness in their grief that transcends just death. It's as if they're mourning the man he could've been, the potential lost, the carefree boy who is now gone. And that's what makes it feel even more tragic: Paris, for all his arrogance and his mistakes, had so much more ahead of him. But now, here he is, alone, fading away on the mountain he once called home, surrounded by nothing but memories of a simpler time.

Once, while [Paris] was tending his cattle on Mount Ida, the young shepherd fell in love with the nymph Oenone, daughter of the river god Cebren. This girl was possessed by a divinity, and some say that it was Rhea who taught her the art of prophecy, but herself she says that it was Apollo. In any case, as the rumour went, she was able to foretell the future, and also obtained renown for being a woman of wisdom and understanding. Paris took Oenone to Mount Ida, where he had his home, and being very much in love with her, promised her continuously, as lovers often do, that he would never desert her. But almost everybody knew Paris' deeds before Paris himself, and so Oenone, though acknowledging that he for the moment was profoundly in love with her, said that she knew that one day he would fall in love with an European woman, whom he would bring back with him, carrying with her all the horrors of war. And to this disappointing picture, she added that he was to be wounded in that war, and that nobody would be able to cure his wound except herself, who was well acquainted with the Phrygian forests and its healing herbs. This nymph, who loved Paris when he still was a poor shepherd (for at the time it was not known that he was a Trojan prince) never accepted, though she foretold it, that this young man, who had gone around writing "Oenone" with his blade in the trunks of the trees, could endure to desert her.

What if I killed myself?

Uhh there probably is a lot, lot, LOTTTT more, but I'm very sleepy so...I'll leave it at this.

Oh, right, you asked for translations:

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/770937867408162816/heya-im-thinking-about-reading-the-odyssey-but?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/771148864576241664/what-are-your-thoughts-on-samuel-butlers?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/774290015850250240/hi-i-hope-you-dont-mind-me-stalking-your-blog-a?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/775920369617059840/what-do-you-think-about-the-translation-of-the?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/775664582529269760/what-is-your-opinion-on-emily-wilsons?source=share

[roslynwrites]

you’re such an incredible writer, so i only imagine u read extensively too. i’ve noticed ur ao3 bookmarks are empty, but i’d love to get a list of your favorite titles whether it’s zutara, other fandom or traditionally published works.

I do indeed read a lot. The past few years I have read much less fanfic and have focused on original stuff, but I have actually been able to read a few fics in recent times because my brain didn't want to write, I did have a bit of Zutara burnout I think so no Zutara recs here (yet).

But if you, like me, enjoy some Dramione, then, for starters:

anything by phlox (Slowly Toward Desire is my favorite)

Amateur Cartography by worksofstone

A Darker Blue by skitter (legitimately cannot believe this fic didn't blow up, one of the best Dramione fics I've read and that fandom has a ton of good shit, so like. wow. skitter also has a Zutara! I have not yet read but it's on my list and I'm already sure I will love it)

Lights Out by Phoebe

I used to read every pairing under the sun in HP but as I said, haven't read as much fic lately, but two others are Blood & Gold (a Tomione, by the legendary ObsidianPen) and The Wilderness (Luna/Ginny) by speechwriter. If you try nothing else on this list, try The Wilderness. That fic is high art. It blew my entire goddamn mind, my god. I also highly recommend anything by PacificRimbaud (esp. the Paneville)

*cracks knuckles* now for some original stuff:

The Liveship Trilogy by Robin Hobb altered my brain chemistry

Scholomance Trilogy by Naomi Novik. I mean, okay, I worship Naomi generally, so I was shocked to discover it took me a while to get into these. Read the first, thought 'meh', came back to it again later, liked it better, second and third proceeded to BLOW me away

NK Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy. In case you want a nice dose of a darker twist on Earthbending and an exploration of prejudice.

Juniper & Thorne by Ava Reid for your Gothic horror needs

Lost Boy and Alice, both by Christina Henry. Dark fairy tale retellings, so you know I'm there. She does them so well.

The Burning series by Evan Winter. It has dragons and a dual-sword wielding badass, in case you need those itches scratched

If you want some good published romance (I tend to like fanfic for pure romance stories tbh so I'm usually pickier here) that has some fanfic vibes, I enjoyed Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert

If you want dark Zutara vibes, my go-to rec and one of my favorite series is The Poppy War trilogy (I will never get over #rinezha)

I wouldn't say I adore The Legendborn Cycle series, but I still like it, you can tell the author has roots in the fan/fanfic scene I think, and again, I think it has some Zutara vibes. Tracy Deonn 100% had to have been inspired by Zuko for her character Sel, I'm convinced. And her take on the Arthurian legend is really unique and creative.

[measureformeasure]

@lesbiancassius' june reads

i exploded this month. don't worry about it

books & plays

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, Nagata Kabi

Antioche, Sarah Berthiaume

The Symposium, Plato, trans. Christopher Gill

Out on the Wire: The Storytelling Secrets of the New Masters of Radio, Jessica Abel

Medea, Eilish Quin - this was, I sigh, a hateread. and as expected it was bad

100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write, Sarah Ruhl - which I liked a lot!

My Body Is a Book of Rules, Elissa Washuta - I thought this was all right, but I'd read more compelling memoir on a prose level, and it felt sort of incomplete (probably impacted by the author's later discovery that she was misdiagnosed with bipolar - she's written another book which I halfheartedly tried to read but I couldn't get into it)

Harlem Duet, Djanet Sears - again, oh my god, people who followed me for Shakespeare, read this right nowwww. I mean everyone read it but especially Shakespeare bloggers

Prospero's Daughter, Elizabeth Nunez

Atalanta, Jennifer Saint (another hateread. and it was mediocre but I will say it repelled me slightly less than other bad retellings)

short fiction & poetry

Horror Story, Carmen Maria Machado

Recuerdo, Edna St. Vincent Millay

Taurogarchy, maddie g.

nonfiction

just like aaaallll of Carmen Maria Machado's substack. I will not bore you listing all of them out but I really liked 'The Erotics of Erotics' - "If the erotic lives of your characters are important to you for a particular project, or all your projects, then that is what you must do. Regardless of what people you know (or don’t know) say (or might say) or think (or might think). So I think the first step here is acknowledging that what you want to do is not excessive, unnecessary, perverted, indulgent—unless it is all of those things, because congratulations, some of the greatest art is excessive, unnecessary, perverted, and indulgent."

The Trash Heap Has Spoken, Carmen Maria Machado

I was on a Machado kick I don't know if you can tell so I also read like every interview

Objectivity Is a Privilege Afforded to White Journalists, Pacinthe Mattar

[litsnobconfessions]

A Year of Animation Day 70: Tokyo Godfathers

Date: March 11, 2025

Day: 70

Content Watched: Tokyo Godfathers

Year: 2003

Rating: PG-13

Run Time: 1 hour 32 minutes

This is another movie I was recommended via the internet and watched with no knowledge of. It wasn't what I expected, not that I knew what to expect. Let's get into it.

I wouldn't say this animation was bad, though it didn't blow me away like some of the other things I've watched, but I really like how they wrote out Hana's haiku on the side. My favorite animation was probably the opening credits. This are just some of the coolest opening credits I've seen in a while. They took us through the city and all of the credits appeared on billboards and business signs. I do wonder if this may have been more difficult to do in a live-action movie. Certainly, you would have had to make all those signs. But with animation, you're drawing all those signs anyway, so at the very least it isn't any further out of your way.

Based on the opening scene, I thought this was going to be a retelling of the story of the three wise men. And sure enough, we did have three... possibly wise? homeless people find a baby. And I do think that, like they keep saying in the movie, that baby is a gift from God. It's the little thing that sets of a bunch of chain reactions that leads each of the three people back into the pasts they've been running from. I really liked this premise.

I did think it was a little over-the-top, particularly Hana's character, who had a tendency to yell about things, particularly Gin. And while it was funny to hear her proclaim, "he could die for all I care," only to freak out when she thinks he really is dead, if you've been following this blog, you know I've been dealing with a lot of melodramatic romance lately, so I wasn't in the mood.

I did like the real-world issues this movie handled. Obviously, there's the homelessness. Many of the other characters are uncomfortable around the protagonists because they're homeless. And they have additional conflicts. For example, when Hana goes to the hospital, Gin tries to tell the doctor they can't follow his recommendations because they're homeless. They find food for baby Kiyoko left on a grave. Every step of their journey is punctuated by difficulty that someone like me likely wouldn't face. Which is, perhaps, why it's so powerful when Kiyoko's bioparents tell Miyuki's dad that they couldn't care less if these people are homeless. They want to make them godfathers to their child. 

But we also have Hana's fight to be identified as a woman as well as the mention the brief discussion about whether her old boyfriend died of AIDS, Gin's addictions to alcohol and gambling, and the woman who kidnapped Kiyoko in the first place. That story reminded me a lot of reading about Mary in Call the Midwife. I suppose this movie is really about people who are on the fringes of society, and I have to appreciate it for doing that because so few movies do (if more did, maybe they wouldn't be on the fringes of society anymore.)

In the end, it's really a story about connection. So it doesn't really matter if this leads to them getting homes. What's important is that it leads to them being able to connect with people--both with each other and people beyond their little found family.

[shuffleoflove]

i was looking through my notes app and found some notes i wrote while reading edge of great (the jatp novelisation) in feburary 2021 so i thought i'd post them bc i miss the time when i was so obsessed with jatp i could quote large parts of it from memory:

okay it's thicker than i expected this is a good start

multiple povs?! oh my god yesyesyes

i've read one page and I'm already loving it because i was expecting it to just be a retelling of the action with barely any insight to characters thoughts other than "i was feeling sad :(" but it's giving so much more than that

luke says sunset curve were all "vibing" shdhfnd

the dialogue is slightly different in some places but honestly i don't hate it

a pink flower in a vase next to rose?? the dahlia symbolism is here already people

bobby is a cheesy hopeless romantic confirmed

[luke about trying to be modest] "it was a new look for me, i'll admit." avdhfdhdhd

alex interrupts reggie trying to flirt with rose avdbfjdd i'm loving the new dialogue

THE HOT DOG CART IS BASICALLY CALLED SALMONELLA I-

luke makes a joke about staving to death oh god the dramatic irony

julie's literal first words are "my best friend flynn is amazing" 🥺🥺

JULIE SAID FLYNN WAS HER OTHER HALF 🥺🥺😭

loz feliz performing arts high school??

julie calls carrie cute?? girl-

i've been spelling dirty candi as "dirty candy" this whole time. whoops.

trevor has literal platinum records but the thing julie decides to point out is that one of his songs was in a car advert shdjdjfjf

nooo they took out flynn shouting demon at carrie

julie mentions flynn and how amazing she is at nearly every given opportunity

"flynn and i were always straight with each other" this is meant to a dramatic moment but i'm laughing at this ahdjdnem

julie is a writer!! not just of lyrics/poems, she writes other stuff too!!

she describes the garage as being full of ghosts when referring to memories of her mum... i'm living for all the dramatic irony

ahh julie and ray are speaking in spanish to each other so much more than they did the show

the teacup and spoon rose had been using before she died were still there 🥺

julie says that she felt like her mum was telling her to play the cd ahhh

the first thing she says about the guys is that they're cute JULIE AHDJFK

wavy hair reggie yesss

julie says oh my god instead of oh my gosh

julie doesn't know luke's name so she's calling him floppy acdjfjrks

her reasoning for letting the guys stay in the garage was because she thought it was what rose would've done 🥺🥺

ALEX'S POV HELL YEAH

they took out reggie losing his shirt this is so sad 😔

[alex about julie playing wake up] "i couldn't remember the last time I felt so moved by music that wasn't actually my own."

okay i get why they changed povs but i kind of wish we'd gotten julie's pov while she played wake up

the first episode took up about 1/5 of the book jesus-

they skipped the bit about the only thing scarier than one girl crying being two girls crying 😔

flynn: "instagram" alex: "what-stagram?"

flynn hugs julie after she tells her about playing music again awwww

noo they cut out the scene where ray comes in to the studio ffs stop cutting scenes please

alex: "it tingles in weird places" alex, literally one line later: "well, it did."

according to alex the other describe him as "warm and fuzzy"

also so far everyone's pov has called luke out for being too cheesy

reggie: "i'm gonna guess death breath"

alex is now describing luke as the puppy reggie never had

alex calling luke and reggie his family 🥺😭

when julie went into her room and found the guys messing around she was on her way to text flynn 🥺 this book just makes me love their friendship so much more

reggie is described as having "a mop of hair" god i wish 😔

dahlia symbolism count: 3. so far it's been a vase next to rose, the curtains in the studio, and the flowers in julie's picture of her

luke: "our instruments are attached to our souls." reggie: "and sometimes our belts."

okay so the book confirms that julie found therapy helpful but she just didn't want to go back because she thought others would see her as fragile, which imo is a lot better than in the show when she just seemed like she hated it

they merged alex asking if julie got back into music with luke showing her bright which i get because if they kept everything in the book would be pretty long but... idk i kinda liked how it was just julie and luke when he showed her bright

julie describes the wow performance as being like a superbowl half-time show

list of celebs who've been name-dropped so far: weezer, the smashing pumpkins, katy perry, and harry styles

julie wanted to kiss kayla?!? wlw julie confirmed

YES TIME FOR REGGIE'S POV

reggie's internal dialogue is using way more words than necessary and as an autistic person I relate to that so i'm gonna use this as proof reggie is autistic 😙✌

reggie says how little julie's smiled since they met and is now describing her smile in detail 🥺🥺

me, seeing that reggie's pov is already over: :(

me seeing that it's alex's pov and he's about to meet willie: :D

avxhfjfldnd alex was so mesmerised by how beautiful willie was he forgot to speak 😭😭

damn they took out willie asking alex if he's into guys if he wanted a picture with fake marilyn monroe (they changed it to spider-man)

y'all willie gave alex a hip bump I'm dying over here

"wait, how can i see you again?" god this is killing me i love them 😭🥺

"even if you don't have questions" willie is hardcore flirting and i respect that

"i liked the sound of that" god it's been a few minutes and alex is already whipped agshdndm

dahlia reference number 4 (this time it's a mug)

instead of calling julie "insanely talented" luke calls her "annoyingly talented"

julie canonically uses the word "bonkers" and idk why i love that so much

ahhh i'm already halfway through the book and it's still episode 3

FLYNN'S POV OH MY GOD YES YES YES

i'll look at the pictures first though

okay now onto flynn's pov

maybe this is just me, but why does everyone say "mother" instead of "mom" all the time? it seems weirdly formal but whatever

flynn calls flying solo "our song" (meaning her and julie's) 🥺

svdbfjff whenever alex went to meet willie he just said he was going for a walk

wait, walks? plural?! alex and willie had more interactions and we didn't get to see them?! livid 😤

willie wanted to show alex the museum because it was one of his favourite places... god I'm soft

"i would've followed willie just about anywhere" stoppp this is too much for me 😭🤧

"together. i liked the sound of that." awwefdhehrhe

alex's catchphrase seems to be "I liked the sound of that" rather than "okay"

"so close that I could feel his breath" why did I think they were gonna kiss 💀💀

willie: "feels good, right?" alex: "yeah, it does." alex, in his head: "i was talking about the screaming, but i was talking about being here, now, with willie, too." oh god oh fuck-

"wagging an eyebrow" girl why is that worded so weird 😭💀

nah there's no way luke doesn't know what a sample is

yess we're back to luke's pov 😎

the book confirms that it was luke who wrote "hi bobby" on the mirror but i still refuse to believe it because of the one tumblr post i saw comparing all the boys handwriting and saying it was reggie (also the writing it too neat to be luke's 😌)

they cut the entire julie-sneaks-around-while-flynn-distracts-carrie bit 😔 (and also the guys mooning trevor)

"and the truth was, [julie] was becoming important to me. i hated to let her down." awwww 🥺🥺

sbdjfkfl reggie called the hgc creepy and alex got defensive because it "was willie's place"

when luke said they were "overdressed" they all tucked their shirts in

ffs not the eyebrow wagging again (this time from flynn)

so julie considers carrie as her frenemy and not an actual enemy... inch resting...

"the awkward "joke" just sat in the air like dead fish" abdhfjf what are these metaphors

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WILLIE'S POV?!?! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT HOLY FUCK AHHHHH

awww when alex asked about the lifers being "sworn to secrecy" willie wanted to telm him about caleb owning everyone at the hgc's souls but he couldn't 🥺🥺 if I catch anyone posting willie slander it's on sight 🥊😠🥊

OKAY WHAT I'M LIVID - they reduced the whole "do this forever"/"there's a lot to like here" thing to just the dialogue. literally no mentions of the lingering glances or luke's "you got a crush on willie". fucking disgraceful. i hate it here.

THERE - WE LITERALLY HAVE PROOF THAT WILLIE DIDN'T KNOW CALEB WANTED THE GUYS TO JOIN HE HGC WILLIE ANTIS CAN GO HOME NOW

willie watched the guys getting stamped and said it felt like his stomach was filling with lead SEE I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY WILLIE SLANDER IN THIS HOUSE

willie noticed alex looking into the crowd before leaving and wondered if he was looking for him... do tell me willie who else could he possibly be looking for

"alex said, looking stressed (then again, when did alex look not stressed?)" avshdnfmfr

julie describes nick's voice as "soft" and "graveled"

apparently julie has had a crush on nick since kindergarten, and in kindergarten nick cried because he couldn't get the lid off of his glue stick

luke says that knowing he let julie down at the dance hurt more than caleb's jolts 🥺🥺

the boys' little "sorry" song has it's lyrics written the same way the other songs, the ones actually in the soundtrack, do. tell me jatp why the sorry song isn't on the soundtrack right now 🔫😠

literally no mention of alex's dancing what in the homophobia

according to julie, finally free is about the power of connecting through music, but i still choose to believe it's a gay anthem about coming out

when julie saw her dad cooking breakfast and humming finally free she "almost died from how cute it was"

wait i just realised throughout this whole book there's been barely any mentions of julie and luke sharing the mic, and nothing about luke and reggie sharing either, and julie waking through luke in bright was just ignored. disgusting.

julie canonically thinks ray is the best dad ever 🥺🥺

that being said I'm pissed the book cut reggie from this scene

julie describes herself as being "charmed" by luke being nervous jskdkkdhs

flynn's pov again babey 😎

lmao nevermind the chapter was two pages long

also the whole perfect harmony sequence is just cut and all we hear is julie mention it to flynn... bruh

reggie and alex both see how hard luke is simping for julie and just give each other shit-eating grins whenever he mentions her dgehdjdj

when willie tells alex he can't explain why he's spying on him alex says "and to think i had felt there had maybe been something between us" fuckk

alex wondered if willie had ever had feelings for him or if he was playing him the whole time 🥺😭 bby nooo

they cut girls amirite... no one talk to me...

y'all... i think, other from julie, alex has had the most pov chapters... interesting...

the boys were literally so distressed about flynn eating pizza when they could smell it and not eat it and said they'd die of deprivation sgdhdjfkd

alex: *was choking back a sob*

willie: *was choking back a sob*

me: *was also choking back a sob*

😃 wtf... when willie says he cares about alex and hates that he brought them all into this mess, alex snaps at him... bro wtf that is not what happened and doesn't fit in with what alex was feeling in that moment at all... fuck this book

julie hugs flynn in the book at lot more than in the show so maybe it does have rights after all...

they've made a "face the music" pun at least 5 times so far in this book

wait - luke says that julie played his parents unsaid emily implying she sang it?? yo...

"but there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do, to make things better. so instead, I watched her go." why does that line hit so hard

"i pulled him in for a quick hug" lmao girl no

I JUST REALISED they cut the "i would've still followed you" scene 😭 the homophobia of it all 💀💀

'"i won't forget you," he said before spoofing out. Me either.' god don't do this to me today 🥺🥺

"with my smoothest dance move" now THAT'S the alex i know and love

the promoter and his assistant have names now: frank and tasha

the book's nearly over and i just realised there were barely any reggie pov chapters 🥺 not only is he my comfort character i also really liked his internal dialogue... oh well 😔

they really let there be spelling mistakes in this book smh

"who knew sunset boulevard smelled like cat pee and old takeout containers? not very glamorous, given that this was my hollywood rockstar dream."

"the music filling me like air - like joy" god I love that line

julie feels the need to point out how good luke looks in his tuxedo avdhdndmd

"i'm gonna miss you." "not as much as we're gonna miss you." oh god oh fuck-

wait THEY GRABBED HANDS ON STAGE??! AM I MISSING SOMETHING!?!?

"are you real?" "we were always real. But now... maybe... we're here?"

okay so i finished it and it was fun to read overall but i felt like past episode 3 was very rushed and condensed (makes sense since episode 3 finished past the half-way point of the book) and it stopped being as well written (barely any internal dialogue and descriptors), and some moments were mischaracterised heavily (including a lot of the willex) and juke just didn't seem developed at all. also i wish reggie had gotten more pov chapters since he's, y'know, a main character. i'm pretty sure he got, like, 2 :( also a lot of the music scenes lacked emotion but since this is an adaptation of something with music without music i'll let it slide. it was still nice to read either way.

[anistarrose]

*turns giant spotlight on you* why don't you tell everybody about that cursed crossover fic :3c

(WIP ask game here)

oh I was wondering if any of you who Knew would use this as the chance to make me spill the beans about this one... I'm so glad you did, though. because I have a lot of thoughts about why Bill Cipher and John/The Hunger should have a mutually toxic Chess and Vore hangout, to make each other worse.

(spoilers for The Book of Bill under the cut)

this was of course inspired by what I call Mandibles Theory, and what I've been lovingly called a coward for not calling Vore Theory: the implication from The Book of Bill that he not only burned his dimension, but also devoured a great deal of the other inhabitants, possibly even to get to them before the fire could. my first reaction to realizing how much sense this theory made was "oh my god that's fucked up," but obviously, my second reaction was "oh my god Bill's so John Hunger coded now, they should make out sloppy style."

the premise is that Bill develops an interest in the Light of Creation — possibly finding out about it in the first place because Ford ran into the IPRE or something, but the dimension-hopping nerds all take a back seat for this one. the next thing Bill finds out is that there's already a dimension-destroying eldritch horror with his sights set on the Light — but that's not enough to stop Bill, obviously. he lets himself into John's mindscape...

and Bill doesn't fully understand the significance, but John is surprised not to see Merle, actually. because this is post-"are you my friend?"/"I feel sad," that whole implication leaves a bad vibe in the air on John's behalf, though it's not enough to stop them from getting a chess game going, where they exchange (heavily selective retellings) of their backstories. Bill shares that he could see the third dimension — and John shares that with the Light of Creation, he could see the fourth. he could see time, the length of eternity. John says this in such a grave tone that Bill rolls his eye, says he's been alive for trillions of years, it's not all that serious — and John retorts that trillions of years are still less than eternity. that Bill still can't comprehend eternity.

now, Bill wants power, he wants John on his side. so he switches topics and plays up their similarities even further. he likes eating people too! it's one of his favorite pastimes! "tell me, Johnny, how you shut out the angry voices of those devoured souls! I like to drown the suckers out with my favorite songs, so how do you cope?"

John's reaction isn't what Bill expects — least of all given that Bill is wildly, wildly playing down how much the screams of his devoured family still haunt him. but John declares he doesn't have this problem. he doesn't devour for the sake of destruction, but for the sake of becoming something more with the planes that he finds — every lifeform the hunger swallows becomes immediately as vexed as John is with the horror of existence and the maddening nature of eternity.

"everyone listened," John tells him, insistent; "every single person listened." he says this, and cracks of opalescent corruption run up his neck, across his face, and he still maintains: "no one has ever turned away from the truth, from — from the Light —"

the reader knows that Merle turned away. and that that's what drives John forward, with a fervor in his eyes that makes Bill think he's angling for some kind of eldritch makeout session, which, you know what, Bill might be into that — but that's not what John's after. tendrils of the Hunger unfurl from his body, and try to absorb, try to devour Bill himself. he wants to drag Bill down with him. to make him see the world as John sees it — to think about existence not just for trillions of years but forever, to think of living with the screams of his devoured family tormenting him for forever.

and for a moment, Bill does start to see it that way. the existential dread assails him from all angles — the prospect that no partying, no portal, no puppet, no Sixer can stop his suffering forever? the prospect of carrying this guilt and these devoured souls eternally?

what saves Bill is not any strength of willpower exceeding that of John's. the only reason Bill breaks free is because, fundamentally, he cannot accept that unhappiness could be real. to accept that his eternal existence would be torturous would mean accepting that he is unhappy now, that none of his rationalization or his partying or his puppets have changed that. and Bill can't accept that.

he burns his way out of John's mindscape, he flees the Hunger-dimension altogether, and he never dares pursue the Light of Creation again. it pierced his mental defenses in a way that nothing had before. a way he's determined, silently determined, to never let happen again.

the last scene cuts to Ford and Merle playing cards on the Starblaster. and Merle's like "say, buddy, you just get a weird feeling that we just dodged a bullet we never even saw coming?" and Ford's like "some of us are scientists, who don't so haphazardly mix metaphor and superstition. but yes, I do feel a bit like a scary shadow just passed underneath us in the ocean." and then they go back to playing cards and the fic ends there with no one the wiser

[darkworldlightwork]

This book is titled Dark World Light Work. Many of the themes discussed here could be thought of as controversial or taboo. However, everything that I have written in these pages comes from a place of love. What that being said, I have written about things that might shock some. I am simply retelling my life story, from my perspective. My intention is to relay the information from as neutral a point of view as possible. I am speaking my truth, from my heart.

The Prologue

I truly appreciate you for taking the time to read this memoir. I would like to thank you, with my whole heart. I consider us to be on a spiritual journey together, and I am grateful to have made this connection to you in human form. 

 I am an empathic person, a poet, and a conduit to the Holy Ghost. My words may not always be pretty, but knowledge is power. Understanding is a beautiful thing. 

It is my sincere hope that those who have found themselves on the ‘dark side’ of my life recognize that I am only able to comment on them with such intensity, because I truly paid attention when we crossed paths. I want everyone who I interact with to know that they are seen, and understood. Even the ‘bad guys.’

Most importantly, I have written this memoir for the good guys. This is for those us who are aware of our faults, but still remain true to our purity of heart. This book is for the good people out there who are living their authentic lives. A true leader does so organically, and by example. I appreciate you all.

Everything that I have experienced has been part of an epic journey. Part of my life’s mission had been to test the limits of this crazy thing called the human experience. The ultimate goal to share my findings with my fellow man. 

I have produced this work on my own, so I would like to formally apologize for any grammar or spelling errors found in this first edition. Thank you again for being here. I am grateful to have you as a part of this incredible accomplishment in my life.

As my grandmother would say “last, but certainly not least” I would like to dedicate this book to my true loves, and the real stars of my story. My grandmother, and my little dog. My grandmother referred to us as the three musketeers. It was adorable.

She also used to tell me that my life was “an education Harvard couldn’t buy, and a story Hollywood couldn’t write.” This memoir gets pretty weird. The truth is indeed stranger than fiction. I’ll give out one huge spoiler right now. Are you ready?

 Love always wins!

DARK WORLD LIGHT WORK

chapter one

 Beginnings (Genesis, Matrix, Inception)

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” -Genesis 1:1

According to The Bible, in the beginning God was not a father. He was a creator. Makes sense. Everyone has to start somewhere. Early God was more like a mad scientist than a parent. If you ask me. 

The creator. 

God created the heavens (plural) and the earth. 

I went to Hebrew and Christian school. I never once learned of these “Heavens” plural.

What did I learn? I learned that everything in this world is slightly off, and a little twisted. I learned that everything I know, isn’t everything there is to know. Metaphorically speaking, I learned that the entirety of human knowledge is just a bite. 

Welcome to my human experience.

Once I reached school age, I was happy to learn that I was born in 1980. This meant that I would turn the age of the year that we were in. For example, in 1987, I would turn seven. And so on. I felt like this would make things easier for me when it came to acclimating myself with the current time and space. 

From Pre-School until the fourth grade, I attended Temple Beth Shalom. A small Hebrew school, in the heart of Las Vegas, Nevada. Also known as ‘sin city.’ It’s a place full of debauchery, that celebrates it’s deviance every summer by getting as hot as hell.

My birthday is in late September, right after the cut off for the new school year. I started pre-education a year early, so that I could enter kindergarten the following fall. My grandmother wanted me in the best school in the county. She bargained for my early entry into the prestigious Hebrew Academy, and I was accepted.

 I enjoyed School. I really loved my teacher Mrs. Ricobini. She was a kind, patient, older woman. Aged at least 70 years. I admired her puffy grey hair, and warm demeanor.

At the time, my own grandmother was only in her mid forties. Mrs. Ricobini seemed ancient, and I wondered how long she had left. I felt as if I’d just gotten here, but she was on her way out. I didn’t view this in a somber way. I actually found it to be quite interesting. 

There’s always been something infinitely fascinating to me about the life of another. An entire world exists in each individual. Life force, hopes, dreams and so on. Each person on earth has an existence that is as important and intricate as mine. The absurdity of this is magnificent! 

Each school day, I would sit in a butter yellow classroom, with emerald green carpet, and orange floral wallpaper border. Even at my young age, I felt as if the decor was from a different time than the one we were currently in. The classroom felt like the past to me.

Mrs. Ricobini dressed like the past as well. The shape and fabric of her pants were different than what I saw the younger girls wearing. I actually liked the way that her stiff trousers flared at the bottom. Her hair also reminded me of a picture I’d seen of my mom from High School, when she was pregnant with me.

The Kids in class were cute to me. As long as they were friendly, which most of them were. Even as a young child, I enjoyed the innocent round features of little ones. Chubby cheeks and big round eyes were so cute to me.

One of my best friends was a boy named Damian B. He was the sweetest, most well behaved boy in class. He was thoughtful, helpful and friendly. The kind of kid that would carry someone’s books home for them. If we walked home from school. 

I’d seen kids walking home from school on black and white television shows from the 1950’s. The boys seemed friendlier back then. Damien reminded me of one of those boys. Even though he was in color. He was my favorite, but most of the kids at this new crazy place called school were a lot of fun. Overall, I was having a good time.

In 2nd grade, the class got a new student named Neal S. This kid was a real piece if work. He was disruptive, aggressive, loud and unpredictable. He was always starting something.

One day on the playground, Neal knocked me to the ground. I only remember the incident in snapshots. He jumped on top of me, and attempted to wrap his hands around my neck to choke me. His eyes were navy blue, and full of rage. His brows were thick, and black as night. 

I found the entire thing to be embarrassing for Neal. I couldn’t help but to feel bad for him. He was pathetic. For all of the fire in his eyes, I barely felt the weight of him. He was out of control and powerless. It was a ridiculous display. Within a few seconds, a teacher pulled him off of me, and dragged him away.

My next memory is in the nurse’s office. I sat there rather thoughtlessly, watching as a commotion swirled around me. I was furious at this kid. This Neal. I didn’t see what all the fuss was about, and I didn’t appreciate the attention. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and now everyone was questioning me? What did I have to do with his deviant behavior? Out of all of the kids on the playground, why did this kid chose to bring all of this attention to me? It was clear that Neal was the one crying out. Why did I get dragged into it?

Neal was suspended for a few days, and the school apologized to both myself and my grandmother. Somehow, all of it seemed trite. If the kid had a problem, two days at home wasn’t going to fix it. What was the point? 

“The child who harmed you is going to sit at home during school on Tuesday and Wednesday. We hope this gesture makes you somehow feel vindicated, God Bless!”

 I was as unmoved by the school’s punishment, as I was by Neal’s outburst.

A few weeks later, he was suspended again. This time for the murder of a salamander in the science lab. For no reason at all, he smashed the animal with a rock from a nearby aquarium. 

The news of this infuriated me. I was so full of fury, I wanted to smash Neal with a rock. I was small, but my rage burned like a wildfire. I knew that it was up to me to keep it contained, or I’d be no better than Neal. 

 I spoke out loud to the God of the open Bible on my desk. A book that I read fluently in Hebrew. From right to left.

In my eyes, taking the life of an animal at such a young age was not a good start. Where would this six year old go from here?  On this current timeline, I didn’t want to find out.

I was so disgusted by Neal’s actions, I could barely think straight when I was around him. I sat at my desk for weeks, burrowing a hole into the back of the kid’s head with my third eye. I was digging for answers. I was seeking understanding. In honor of the salamander. At the behest of my bleeding heart.

Why would a child who should be an innocent himself, take the life of this guiltless creature? We are not created equal after all. I learned this observing Joel interact with the kids at school. 

Each day, I continued digging. I wanted to make progress. I needed answers as to why this new soul’s head was in such a dark place already. I also wanted to leave a spot to let the light in on my way out. I stared, and I talked to God. Some would call it prayer. Some a mantra. Some might even call it psychotic, or a waste of time.

On a mundane Monday, we took our seats at the bell. Neal’s chair was noticeably unoccupied. He usually sat two desks in front, and one to the right of me. He was placed in the front row, so the teacher could keep an eye on him. At all times.

By the fourth day without Neal in class, I began to wonder what was going on behind the scenes. Was he on vacation? Was he sick? I hoped that he’d been transferred to another planet. Or at the very least another school. The week ended, and the weekend came. 

The following Monday, Neal’s chair sat empty once again. I could feel a tension in the air as the teacher stood to address the class.

“Students, I have an announcement. Neal will not be with us for a while. He was in an accident. He suffered serious injuries, and required major reconstructive surgery. He will rejoin the class as soon as he recovers. Let us bow our heads, and say a prayer for our classmate.”

I bowed my head humbly, but my thoughts drifted elsewhere. I’d already prayed for Neal. 

I took this moment of quiet time to attempt to decipher some of the big words I’d just heard. What is ‘reconstructive’? I wondered. I understood that ‘serious’ meant important, and likely bad. The news on Neal was major. That much I knew.

What actually occurred, was a macabre tale of karmic justice, serving blindly. As it turned out, the incident wasn’t much of an accident at all. 

One fine day, our little Neal was sticking his head through the slats of a neighbor’s fence. He did this so he could poke a large dog with a stick. At some point the dog snapped, biting him in the face. The animal ripped the flesh right off of his skull. The wound started under his nose, and made its way down to just below his chin.

A pound of flesh for the life of the salamander.

After some back and forth, the dog was found not to be at fault in any way. Neal invaded the animal’s personal space. He poked the beast. The creature responded. Not out of malice, but natural instinct. 

Fair play to both the Good Lord, and Mother Nature.

Months later, Neal returned to class. So much time had passed, it almost felt like another lifetime. Another lifetime. Or perhaps, a better timeline.

 A changed boy now sat in front of me. New Neal was as quiet as a church mouse. He was docile and calm.  The anger and aggression was undetectable. In fact, Neal was slow to move, act, or speak, period. He appeared to be more tranquil, as the fire in his eyes had been extinguished by all of the blood and tears he shed. 

It was strange seeing someone who caused so much pain, in so much pain. I felt a great deal of empathy for Neal, the poor little boy. Most of all I felt satisfaction. I was proud of the universe, and thankful to God. I was certain that he not only heard, but also answered my prayers. 

At the time we were reading The Bible’s Old Testament in school. The brutality of nature and God’s wrath did not come off as grandiose at all. Not even in regards to a young child. Thine will be done.

I have lived a life not of faith, but of sight and grace. So much grace. It is by that grace I have been saved.

Even the scar appeared to have been meticulously placed on Neal’s pale, vacant little face.

It looked just like a muzzle. 

[zeevoidlight]

i was thinking... (DB and Pathologic going Meta) ("...write the time", my grandpa used to say every time I'd say I was thinking, lol)... I saw a shirt in walmart the other day and it had a picture of Vegeta from Kai. Pretty normal stuff but I've always thought that the Kai art, well of course is modernized to make it more digestible for new audiences that feel the original Z series looks too old, but I've always felt that the characters look older in age in this style.

And yeah, I guess if you compare the two styles (the old one and the new) they look very different to one another. Generally Kai makes them... chubbier? wider? idk, they look like they more robust somehow, and their necks are a bit wider like when they get older in Z (or they appear that way to me), the eyes are a bit smaller and rectangular, they have more detail, the hair looks more geometrical... (I personally prefer the older style, looks more hand drawn)

CHARACTERS AS ACTORS

I've always had this strange feeling that characters have different versions of themselves because I always lived with dubbed material (series, cartoons, movies, songs, many imported from either the US or Japan). Sometimes the mouth wouldn't match what they were saying and the illusion breaks a bit but you get it, or the voice actors would change from one chapter to the other in series or movies. You just get used to it and understand that for a couple of minutes you pretend the characters are "real" to enter this world they are in and enjoy the story they have to tell. Like in the theater where, yeah there's a scenery and you have to use your imagination a bit to pretend the Sun is there in the background even if it's a painted cardboard Sun and there's no walls but there's a chair and some props so just pretend for a second it's a house. It's a similar feeling. Sometimes the actors change and, yeah is not Popeye from the cartoon, is a person that kinda looks like him pretending to be him, and maybe in the next show is going to be a different actor, or the same one but older years later still doing the same roll. The Voice actors don't look like the characters but in a way it's them. etc. (I took this one from facebook, credits to the author whomever they might be. This are the Latin VAs)

Even the characters themselves I think them sometimes existing separate from their own creators. Like when something makes no sense with them or they "get out of character", or simply when they are put into certain situations, is because they are literally being told what to do and how to act, where to be by the author, writer, or the director in turn, they dictate how they have to be "outside of their own control" sometimes. It's different interpretations according to who is writing them and sometimes separate from who the characters actually are in this separate plane of existence where there must exist a real version of themselves (see the Plato's allegory of the cave). Like puppet masters, or "God" playing with someone's destiny, a Game Master in a roleplaying game.

Where am I going with this and DB? I'm just here rambling with no point yet.

Well seeing Kai's art (which is closer to Super) it makes me imagine DB characters as actors themselves that have gotten older now but is as if they were called to re-shoot Z again and since they are "older" interpreting they are their younger selves is like in the theater. The voice actors sound older as well so it's kinda funny XD (Vegeta at the start of the Saiyan Saga vs his look in the Majin Buu Saga below)

If you've never played or seen the game series Pathologic (uhh... spoilers) but is exactly the same, and in the game is even part of the premise. The characters (and actors) of the first game are both real and fictional (they were made in the likeness of some people), and the second game is the retelling of the story of the first one but with some changes and a bit different according to the director and writer that didn't wanted to just do a remake and tell a slightly different story with the same premise. But the actors themselves have gotten older, and the characters, even if they are now their own in a way, separate from the people they were base on, were made older as well, even when being fictional they shouldn't be constrained by time or design because you could just remake them however you want and that's it. But no, they actually aged them but they interpret their same younger self from the first game. Some characters even "changed actors", and you are left to wonder if the previous one just didn't wanted to make the roll or for whatever reason they couldn't make it (even if they are completely fictional! XD).

First image is Daniil Dankovsky in the first game (and next to it is the game model), he's supposed to be 28. Second image is the same character too but is like "he was called to do the same roll" but years later. Nowhere does it say that but the game uses the theme of The Theater to make you understand that the whole game is all a play and you are engaging with it playing pretend for a while while playing the game. And you even start the game in a theater with the characters playing their role before you choose a character to "play". Is never explicit with the theme so that's why it is a spoiler, you are supposed to discover it as you play the game.

It's a very nice illusion, and very fun.

I also recently saw the Dragon Ball: Mystic Adventure movie (I never really saw the movies when younger), and to my surprise it was EXACTLY this same concept. The characters were just actors interpreting sometimes a different role in a sort of play to just tell a different story and have some fun for a couple of minutes. And I was just so happy! because it is exactly how I see the characters many times. With the whole "multiple universes", multiple timelines, the movies being their own things altogether, I do see them that way sometimes when you lift the curtain a bit. And I wished there were more movies with the DB characters like that. Where they are actors interpreting a different role just for the fun of it.

Idk, I'm pretty sure many people would absolutely hate the idea because they are very set on how the characters should be always, and I'm pretty sure many people absolutely hate that movie (or the movies in general just like how they skip the filler and anything that is not purely in the manga by word of God) because it makes no sense or because it's irrelevant, it has no canon meaning or it gives nothing that can be used to say anything important about the characters or whatever. But it's FUN.

I like that I thought Ran Ran was the princess or something, and I don't know if it was intended to be understood as it being a doll all along, or if it was a doll prop that was supposed to represent the lost princess, lol

I actually liked that movie. Very creative. And it catered into my own fantasy of the characters as actors. That do have their own story, which is the story we are told in the series, but at the same time is somehow like that Daffy Duck short where he is fighting against the cartoonist XD. Like the way Toriyama used to sometimes include 4th wall jokes in the manga, or self references, self acknowledgement that it was all play pretend (that it was a manga), self appearances, or even the characters themselves in the series when they start asking the logic of what happens and can't find an answer to it. Like how Vegeta cannot fathom how Goku is better and somehow always ahead of him despite how much he actually trains (even more than Goku as he himself says), is like a divine bad joke by how Toriyama gives Goku the most insane plot armor but there's not way for them to know that. Or how Goku himself is somewhat conscious of the problem that he is somehow the one that ends up saving everyone and is annoyed by this fact at the same time on how "destiny" makes him always be the savior of the planet (lol), like he cannot do anything about it. Is just fun for me to integrate a meta narrative when it fits.

that's all. Just some dumb thoughts.

[sandyspaghettibag]

Monumental post

Idk how else I'm going to identify this post as the retelling of the biggest thing that's ever happened between me and my boy, but well… I'm about to get a whole lot more sane from here on out

I was talking to him this afternoon, he wanted to send me stuff of his body, so I gave him the whole "you don't have to unless YOU want to, I'm here for you not your body" ykyk, I react suuuuper weird to his belly and chest cause like… I've had a crush on this boy for three years, seeing him in the flesh is just wild to my mind… he jiggled it around in a very similar way to twitter chubbies but like… it was HIM, like I KNOW HIM.

Overall, because my sex drive has been basically gone at inconvenient times, all I had was the romance in my mind and like… with the amount of flirting we'd been doing in the past week, I ignored whatever customs exist between friends or whatever and started doing olympic jumps over that line separating friends and lovers. Called him beautiful, called him cute, said what came to my mind, which is that I wanted to sit on his lap. Never got to say I wanted to wrap my legs around his back…that came to mind too lol.

I don't even remember how it switched over to this but he asked me if I saw myself realistically being in a relationship with him despite everything he has going on. I was like "I've seen myself like that for about three years!!"

APPARENTLY HE LOVED ME THE ENTIRE TIME.

When I tell you I didn't expect that… like I literally still can't process it, and every time I truly think about it for just a second I'm jolted with this euphoria. Like… it COMPLETELY changes those three years and my perception of them.

Anyway I was listening to Doja Cat outside just pacing back and forth all afternoon like unpacking those three years very lightly, (God i wanna hear and say so much more about them but that's for later) and I basically asked him if we could wait until I'm ready before making it official, because the plan was to get a job first and really socialize myself so I can learn to read a fucking room or whatever, plus I still have booty buster to deal with but that's a non issue at this point. I felt kinda terrible because wtf, just wtf in general… I really was in what was basically shock and VERY much disbelief… But I asked about what the "goal" was, and he said he wanted to obviously take it into real life.

HIS GOAL IS TO LIVE WITH MEEEEEEE. WHAT THE FUCK.

So now I'm just writing this in the shower while he sleeps instead of using the shower thoughts to process it, cause absolutely no way am I not documenting this. I don't think I'll need to write much crazy stuff anymore…

I mean like… if only November 2021 me could see me now. I really got him.

[iheartgracie]

campus nights reagan funny quotes

“Help!” a muffled voice calls from one of the bedrooms. A girl with hair the color of honey pulled up in curlers rushes out wearing a silky robe. “I don’t know what to wear.”

“I’m nervous, which is ridiculous, right? Who gets nervous about going to a party where their crush is? It’s like junior high all over except without the zits and braces. Thank god. I’ve been trying to talk to this guy for… a long time. I get all weird and shy around him. Well, shier than normal.”

“You’re hired. Someday when I’m a big well-known actress, I’m going to force you to do my makeup every day. In fact, I wish you could do my makeup for the winter play.”

“but last spring she had me looking like a clown. There’s stage makeup, and then, there’s straight-up too much blush.”

“My boss has a giant crush on him.”

“What?” I ask at the same time Reagan mutters, “Who doesn’t?”

Dakota and I look to her. “What? Come on, he’s hot. No, not only hot, he’s nice and…” She trails off. “I’m just saying, it isn’t totally ridiculous that she has a crush on him.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. I’m hoping that he hasn’t found it. If he has, I’m moving and changing my name.”

“Why? I thought you were ready to tell him how you feel.”

“Do you really think a red heart cut out of construction paper with glitter is the way I should do that?”

She giggles. “We were going for fun and heartfelt. My brother is a romantic.”

“He’s also a twenty-one-year-old man. I don’t think bedazzling the sentiment was my best-laid plan.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

“Well, when I decide to tell you how much I like you, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What if he’s already seen it?” she asks.

“Then I’ll send a postcard when I get settled in my new town. I have to go.”

“Promise me you’ll never let me craft for a man again.”

“I can’t promise that. Two glasses of wine and my judgment goes right out the window.”

“Again, helpful.”

“What’s with the all black?” she asks. She looks me over like she’s just noticing my outfit.

“I’m in mourning.”

“Oh my god, who died?” Her expression is horrified for a moment.

“No one. Just my fake relationship and any chance of ever dating your brother.”

“But I’m sure you just took him by surprise.”

“Oh, I took him by surprise all right, but not the good kind of surprise. The truly scary kind that should only happen in cheesy horror films.”

“Please don’t tell anyone else about the fake engagement,” I whisper while we’re still alone. “I’ll tell Dakota eventually, but I can’t do it right now. Retelling it was almost as painful as living it the first time.”

“I’m quiet because you make me nervous. I get this total body lock up around you. I can’t think or talk. It’s sort of humiliating how into you I am.” She screws her eyes shut and then peeks out, opening one and then the other.”

“My hands go to my face.

“I’m a narwhal, Ginny’s a tiger, and Reagan’s a llama. Duh,” my roommate tells him.

Oh shit. I’m a llama. I’m a llama standing in front of my incredibly sexy crush. A freaking llama.”

“Are you trying to politely ask if I turn into a drama queen, tortured artist every time?”

“Your words, baby.”

“I’d invite you over to meet the guys, but we’ve got training in thirty minutes.”

“Training?”

“Hockey.”

Also known as my new favorite sport.”

“Reagan nods in agreement. “Yeah, I need to go intervene before that girl standing next to Adam touches him one more time. Does anyone have bail money just in case?”