#but god it gets me because with every telling and retelling my first thought is 'god please dont turn around'

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I can't stop thinking about Orpheus and Eurydice...

[farfaras]

Part 1.

Maybe if Steve acts casual Robin won’t even notice. She barely pays attention to him when she’s too busy rambling about her love life. Or lack there of. If Steve’s lucky, today is gonna be one of those days.

But Steve’s good luck probably ended the first time he took a look at a demogorgon.

“What is that?” Robin giggled. If she finds this amusing wait until she hears what actually happened.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb. That only worked when I thought you were an actual idiot.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah well, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” Steve put on his family video vest and clocked in.

“What? I notice things!” Robin exclaimed when Steve made his way to the counter.

“Yeah, when you’re not too busy daydreaming about Vickie.”

“You’re changing the subject!”

“Objection!”

“Stop it!”

Steve sighed. How could you explain your friend sucked your neck to make your another friend jealous when you don’t even like said friend? Tricky.

Ugh. Robin was gonna make fun of him.

“You wouldn’t believe me.” Steve tried. It was a last resort to save himself from the embarrassment.

“Yeah, because I’ve never experienced anything out of the ordinary.” She raised an eyebrow. Steve knew she wouldn’t let it go. “When did you even go on a date, dingus? I don’t remember you telling me about it.”

“I didn’t go on a date.”

“Well then who did that?” She narrowed her eyes. “Ew! Are you in a friends with benefits situation?” She look scandalized and curious at the same time. “Because honestly Steve, I don’t think that’s your thing. I mean even if you try, it wouldn’t work out. You’re like an actual romantic. Wanting a serious relationship, yearning connection and all that shit. It would be cute if you weren’t kinda desperate sometimes.” Okay he had to cut her off if he wanted to keep his ego unbruised.

“Jesus! Okay! You don’t have to say it like I’m some loser who can’t get a girlfriend!” If he needed humbling he knew who to call now though.

“But you kind of are.”

“Do you want to know or not?” Even if he was embarrassed about the whole thing, he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t hoping Robin would give him some insight. Once she stopped making fun of him. “It was Eddie.”

Her eyes widened in surprise and… excitement? “Holy shit! It finally happened?” What is she talking about now? “I thought I would actually have to wait another year at least for you guys to figure it out.” There’s nothing that makes Steve feel more inadequate than when he doesn’t get what people are talking about. “I mean anyone who’s got eyes could see how much you two liked each other and it’s cute but I was getting tired of the pining..” she trailed off when she saw how silent Steve was. “Why aren’t you as excited as me?”

Pining? Like each other? Did Robin think..? Did Eddie?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He questioned. His mind was going through every interaction him and Eddie once had. Trying to analyze his own behavior to come up with an explanation as to why someone would think he likes Eddie.

“Oh god. I thought. Did you guys not like… get together?” She was hesitant. It felt like she was trying not to scare a wild animal.

“No.”

“I gotta stop running my mouth like that. I’m sorry.” She looked mortified and it would be funny if this was another situation. “But what? Why would he do that? I’m so lost here, Steve.”

Steve went through backstory first, then he started retelling the events of the other day. Including how he actually enjoyed himself a little. He might as well be a hundred percent transparent, she was his best friend after all.

“Robin, say something.” His best friend being silent was not something he was used to.

“I’m so confused.” She said.

“Me too.” His confusion was starting to fade. The answer right in front of his face.

“So you’re… not together? Even after that?”

“I don’t even like him like that!”

“But you said you liked it!”

“Who wouldn’t!”

“I wouldn’t! Steve, a boy giving me hickeys is one of my worst nightmares.” He knew that. He knew it meant something that he liked it. The question is if he’s ready to face what it means.

“I- I know, okay?”

“Steve, say the word and we’ll stop talking about this.” He loves his best friend. He doesn’t know what he’d do without her.

“No. I think I’m ready.” Steve muttered. Robin smiled gently at him and that was all the encouragement he needed to feel safe enough to say it out loud.

“I like him.”

They hugged.

-

“It kinda sucks that he doesn’t like me back though.”

Robin thunked her head on the counter.

[critter-of-habit]

When I watched the new What If episode with Peggy & Nat I immediately thought of you, your art, and what your reaction would be. Especially since it was kind of a retelling of Captain America & The Winter Soldier.

What are your thoughts on the episode?

Seeing as you asked, I WILL TELL YOU MY MANY THOUGHTS. WITH PICTURES.

under the cut for length lol

First of all, as usual the animation, particularly the lighting, was incredible. Also the effects! The explosions, smoke, everything. Always blows me away how much effort and love these animators put in to What If.

I love that it's Winter Soldier based because by god do I love that movie - but I also love that it's so very different to my AU cos that means I can keep going with it lol.

Okay here we go with the highlights - Blatant flirting and showing off:

This???:

Just how in sync they were with every fight scene - even in the Battle of New York when they had only known each other for a few hours.

HEY LOVELY. LOVELY:

Angst. And how soft Nat is here:

"Hey, Peg. I got you."

Natasha's inability to sit in a chair properly:

Peggy making a star wars reference and Nat calling her out on it like .. Nat you RECOGNIZED the reference you're a nerd too

"You know I always wondered how you got all those GI Boys to follow a woman into war: question answered." ie. "I'm so into you right now":

This Natasha stabbed Dreykov to death with a corkscrew and I love her for it.

Natasha instinctively putting herself in between Peggy and Steve even though they're both twice her size

I've already mentioned but, the choice to focus on Natasha's face in this scene:

Nat's face here:

Natasha only getting taken down by the robots because her gay-Peggy-focused-ass gets distracted when Peggy runs off to protect Steve: (I'll come back to this point later as a negative)

MELINA.

Was anyone else looking to see if Yelena was there

"Let's unpack that later, shall we?"

"I don't know whether to kiss you, kill you, or dissect you." "Let me guess, all three?"

I bet the Captain Carter film was baby Nat's gay awakening lol:

Melina's glorious slo-mo "grandma, it's me, anastasia" coat drop:

Peggy running to save Nat T_T

These shots:

Nat wearing the same outfit from Winter Soldier:

Natasha "too-loyal-and-infatuated-for-her-own-good" Romanoff going along with Peggy again to look for Steve without even being asked. (in stark contrast to the end of Winter Soldier when Natasha did not go with Steve to look for Bucky, I might add)

New reaction image:

Peggy and Nat calling and reaching out to each other when the portal opens and ALMOST making it - then Natasha punching the ground in desperation T_T

These two look SO COOL and I can't wait for the 1602 episode.

Negative points:

Rehashing Ste/ggy all over again - we already HAD that and it was endgame, why do it again?

As much as I adore Natasha's intense loyalty, it's very one sided in this episode and I'm wondering if that's intentional. Peggy is hyperfocused on Steve and leaves Nat behind to run after him multiple times, even though he is in an entire suit of armor and is FINE and Natasha is the one actually getting injured. Then she's leaving at the end without saying goodbye to go find Steve again (despite there being no reason to think he's alive? he EXPLODED??) even though Natasha just went through a trauma too and shouldn't be abandoned. Kinda feels like Peggy is taking Natasha's always being there for granted and I really hope it's addressed in following episodes (though I doubt it will be - it'll just be Steve focused again -_- )

Okay I think I'm done. This was a LOT I'm not sorry I've been waiting for more content for SO LONG I can't wait for the rest of the episodes to rip my heart out and stomp on it :3

[roslynwrites]

you’re such an incredible writer, so i only imagine u read extensively too. i’ve noticed ur ao3 bookmarks are empty, but i’d love to get a list of your favorite titles whether it’s zutara, other fandom or traditionally published works.

I do indeed read a lot. The past few years I have read much less fanfic and have focused on original stuff, but I have actually been able to read a few fics in recent times because my brain didn't want to write, I did have a bit of Zutara burnout I think so no Zutara recs here (yet).

But if you, like me, enjoy some Dramione, then, for starters:

anything by phlox (Slowly Toward Desire is my favorite)

Amateur Cartography by worksofstone

A Darker Blue by skitter (legitimately cannot believe this fic didn't blow up, one of the best Dramione fics I've read and that fandom has a ton of good shit, so like. wow. skitter also has a Zutara! I have not yet read but it's on my list and I'm already sure I will love it)

Lights Out by Phoebe

I used to read every pairing under the sun in HP but as I said, haven't read as much fic lately, but two others are Blood & Gold (a Tomione, by the legendary ObsidianPen) and The Wilderness (Luna/Ginny) by speechwriter. If you try nothing else on this list, try The Wilderness. That fic is high art. It blew my entire goddamn mind, my god. I also highly recommend anything by PacificRimbaud (esp. the Paneville)

*cracks knuckles* now for some original stuff:

The Liveship Trilogy by Robin Hobb altered my brain chemistry

Scholomance Trilogy by Naomi Novik. I mean, okay, I worship Naomi generally, so I was shocked to discover it took me a while to get into these. Read the first, thought 'meh', came back to it again later, liked it better, second and third proceeded to BLOW me away

NK Jemisin's Broken Earth trilogy. In case you want a nice dose of a darker twist on Earthbending and an exploration of prejudice.

Juniper & Thorne by Ava Reid for your Gothic horror needs

Lost Boy and Alice, both by Christina Henry. Dark fairy tale retellings, so you know I'm there. She does them so well.

The Burning series by Evan Winter. It has dragons and a dual-sword wielding badass, in case you need those itches scratched

If you want some good published romance (I tend to like fanfic for pure romance stories tbh so I'm usually pickier here) that has some fanfic vibes, I enjoyed Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert

If you want dark Zutara vibes, my go-to rec and one of my favorite series is The Poppy War trilogy (I will never get over #rinezha)

I wouldn't say I adore The Legendborn Cycle series, but I still like it, you can tell the author has roots in the fan/fanfic scene I think, and again, I think it has some Zutara vibes. Tracy Deonn 100% had to have been inspired by Zuko for her character Sel, I'm convinced. And her take on the Arthurian legend is really unique and creative.

[measureformeasure]

@lesbiancassius' june reads

i exploded this month. don't worry about it

books & plays

My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness, Nagata Kabi

Antioche, Sarah Berthiaume

The Symposium, Plato, trans. Christopher Gill

Out on the Wire: The Storytelling Secrets of the New Masters of Radio, Jessica Abel

Medea, Eilish Quin - this was, I sigh, a hateread. and as expected it was bad

100 Essays I Don't Have Time to Write, Sarah Ruhl - which I liked a lot!

My Body Is a Book of Rules, Elissa Washuta - I thought this was all right, but I'd read more compelling memoir on a prose level, and it felt sort of incomplete (probably impacted by the author's later discovery that she was misdiagnosed with bipolar - she's written another book which I halfheartedly tried to read but I couldn't get into it)

Harlem Duet, Djanet Sears - again, oh my god, people who followed me for Shakespeare, read this right nowwww. I mean everyone read it but especially Shakespeare bloggers

Prospero's Daughter, Elizabeth Nunez

Atalanta, Jennifer Saint (another hateread. and it was mediocre but I will say it repelled me slightly less than other bad retellings)

short fiction & poetry

Horror Story, Carmen Maria Machado

Recuerdo, Edna St. Vincent Millay

Taurogarchy, maddie g.

nonfiction

just like aaaallll of Carmen Maria Machado's substack. I will not bore you listing all of them out but I really liked 'The Erotics of Erotics' - "If the erotic lives of your characters are important to you for a particular project, or all your projects, then that is what you must do. Regardless of what people you know (or don’t know) say (or might say) or think (or might think). So I think the first step here is acknowledging that what you want to do is not excessive, unnecessary, perverted, indulgent—unless it is all of those things, because congratulations, some of the greatest art is excessive, unnecessary, perverted, and indulgent."

The Trash Heap Has Spoken, Carmen Maria Machado

I was on a Machado kick I don't know if you can tell so I also read like every interview

Objectivity Is a Privilege Afforded to White Journalists, Pacinthe Mattar

[nerves-nebula]

ok i finished Lolita, here's my rambling notes which are really more about me & my reactions than the book. I stopped taking as many notes the further in I went.

the forward for this is so funny. we got someone in universe telling us that the things this guy says are absurd and you should NOT fall for his bullshit, because he is NOT a gentleman.

Approx 24 minutes in he proposes the idea of the nymphette. 9-14

its fascinating the way he constructs this other sect of being, this third sex, this nymphet. the way he calls them demons, as if it's their fault, as if it could never be a problem with him.

gets mad that some guys entire fuckin house burns down so he cant ogle his daughters. what an asshole.

Negro/Negress Count (i updated this every time the word negro is used. i just think its funny, its like a drinking game for me. at least black people exist in this world lmao): 7

(about quote #6) the way he talks about Mrs Haze (and in fact most women and girls) as though he is so handsome that he literally cannot stop them from entangling him in an affair is fascinating. Man cannot hold himself responsible for anything.

ok so he's just met dolores and this isnt really a product of the book, but the narrator does a REALLY god job with HH. genuinely just a really good performance. he reads the cadence of HH's flowery writing so well, he emotes so well. its great.

of course this overwritten little creep would write down all his thoughts in a little book. just like he's doing now. at least he's consistent?

so much damn interpretation huh. he's always like "I know she wanted me to kiss her i could tell she was waiting for it" MY GUY.

wait when does this take place was it really normal to marry your first cousin in the midwest in the 1950s?

the way he describes her being not entirely innocent as a warning sign, as some great evil that would trap him, is fascinating. because she is not what he thought an innocent little girl should be, he pushes a bit of the responsibility off of himself and onto her. she's not a child, she's a dangerous nymphet who pulls him in and traps him in her impropriety. despite him literally (thinking he was) drugging her (in an attempt to keep her from knowing what hes doing) he STILL blames her for enticing him. still considers her a fae creature. i hate him. i love this book.

it is truly kind of fascinating how he makes it sound like their trip wasn't all that bad and just offhandedly mentions horrific stuff like the rate at which she sexually abused her, or how Dolores cried herself to sleep every night when she thought he was asleep, and how she almost never seemed to actually be happy. and yet he'll go on and on about all the things they got to see, and how much money this whole kidnapping roadtrip cost him.

the fact that he now has to just straight up pay her, and she's clearly not enjoying anything is so !!! and then he has the NERVE to steal her money back while she's away !! the money she's probably trying to save up to get away from him !! do you guys know what thats like?? when the money youve carefully saved just.. disappears?? good god.

oh ok so he KNOWS she might try to run away if she has too much money. cool cool normal.

i do like this school parent teacher meeting thing thats basically laying out that it's very clear dolores has issues around sex. like this is somehow so clearly an issue that they called him in about it. Ough.

love his indigence at Lo saying that he tried to molest her back before he married her mother (more or less true, and i would even say he succeeded that one time) and that he murdered her mother (a reasonable assumption on her part)

Mans just said he can shed torrents of tears thru his dick. He’s unnecessarily crude for someone so poetic and I love that part of his character tbh.

So he just slapped her and it’s fascinating how clearly abusive he is even from his own softened retelling. Like he doesn’t phrase it like this, but every action he takes is to isolate and control her.

i know he sucks shit but him leaving Rita is especially cruel to me. there was no need to leave her behind with only a note. no amount of calling a woman "sweet" or his "poor little thing" makes up for how absolutely disposable they all are to him. he admits that he needed her, that her company kept him from having breakdowns that would send him to a hospital, and he still just leaves her behind forever. when he knows thats what she was scared of most.

i aint even know about Clare Quilty. huh!

i am enjoying his sad walk through his "smothered memories" like yeah man. you suck and you fucked up everything and you do deserve to feel bad about your active ignorance (i like that he brought up the memory of rescinding that one promise because that was one instance i was really stuck on. like she has nothing man, and it's silly to you but it's everything to her)

y'know im still not entirely sure what Pentapod Monster means

Quotes:

he is not a gentleman

But how his heart beat when, among the innocent throng,he espied a demon child, "enfant charmante et fourbe," dim eyes, bright lips, ten years in jail if you only show her you are looking at her.

I was naive as only a pervert can be (lol)

nymphets do not occur in polar regions (oh my god shut upp)

the reader will regret to learn that soon after my return to civilization I had another bout with insanity (I absolutely do not regret it my wonderful narrator <3)

I was perfectly aware that if by any wild chance I became her lodger, she would methodically proceed to do in regard to me what taking a lodger probably meant to her all along, and I would again be enmeshed in one of those tedious affairs I knew so well.

To keep her happy, I had to present her with an illustrated catalogue of them, all nicely differentiated, according to the rules of those American ads where schoolchildren are pictured in a subtle ratio of races, with one--only one, but as cute as they make them--chocolate-colored round-eyed little lad, almost in the very middle of the front row.(I just find this quote interesting because it makes a point that there would only ever be at most one black kid. not sure what to make of it but i did enjoy that)

It was she who seduced me. (SHUT UP)

the body of some immortal demon disguised as a female child. (SHUT UPPPPP!!)

Used French only when she was a very good little girl. (I’m attacking you with my teeth and claws. I love this book.)

[shuffleoflove]

i was looking through my notes app and found some notes i wrote while reading edge of great (the jatp novelisation) in feburary 2021 so i thought i'd post them bc i miss the time when i was so obsessed with jatp i could quote large parts of it from memory:

okay it's thicker than i expected this is a good start

multiple povs?! oh my god yesyesyes

i've read one page and I'm already loving it because i was expecting it to just be a retelling of the action with barely any insight to characters thoughts other than "i was feeling sad :(" but it's giving so much more than that

luke says sunset curve were all "vibing" shdhfnd

the dialogue is slightly different in some places but honestly i don't hate it

a pink flower in a vase next to rose?? the dahlia symbolism is here already people

bobby is a cheesy hopeless romantic confirmed

[luke about trying to be modest] "it was a new look for me, i'll admit." avdhfdhdhd

alex interrupts reggie trying to flirt with rose avdbfjdd i'm loving the new dialogue

THE HOT DOG CART IS BASICALLY CALLED SALMONELLA I-

luke makes a joke about staving to death oh god the dramatic irony

julie's literal first words are "my best friend flynn is amazing" 🥺🥺

JULIE SAID FLYNN WAS HER OTHER HALF 🥺🥺😭

loz feliz performing arts high school??

julie calls carrie cute?? girl-

i've been spelling dirty candi as "dirty candy" this whole time. whoops.

trevor has literal platinum records but the thing julie decides to point out is that one of his songs was in a car advert shdjdjfjf

nooo they took out flynn shouting demon at carrie

julie mentions flynn and how amazing she is at nearly every given opportunity

"flynn and i were always straight with each other" this is meant to a dramatic moment but i'm laughing at this ahdjdnem

julie is a writer!! not just of lyrics/poems, she writes other stuff too!!

she describes the garage as being full of ghosts when referring to memories of her mum... i'm living for all the dramatic irony

ahh julie and ray are speaking in spanish to each other so much more than they did the show

the teacup and spoon rose had been using before she died were still there 🥺

julie says that she felt like her mum was telling her to play the cd ahhh

the first thing she says about the guys is that they're cute JULIE AHDJFK

wavy hair reggie yesss

julie says oh my god instead of oh my gosh

julie doesn't know luke's name so she's calling him floppy acdjfjrks

her reasoning for letting the guys stay in the garage was because she thought it was what rose would've done 🥺🥺

ALEX'S POV HELL YEAH

they took out reggie losing his shirt this is so sad 😔

[alex about julie playing wake up] "i couldn't remember the last time I felt so moved by music that wasn't actually my own."

okay i get why they changed povs but i kind of wish we'd gotten julie's pov while she played wake up

the first episode took up about 1/5 of the book jesus-

they skipped the bit about the only thing scarier than one girl crying being two girls crying 😔

flynn: "instagram" alex: "what-stagram?"

flynn hugs julie after she tells her about playing music again awwww

noo they cut out the scene where ray comes in to the studio ffs stop cutting scenes please

alex: "it tingles in weird places" alex, literally one line later: "well, it did."

according to alex the other describe him as "warm and fuzzy"

also so far everyone's pov has called luke out for being too cheesy

reggie: "i'm gonna guess death breath"

alex is now describing luke as the puppy reggie never had

alex calling luke and reggie his family 🥺😭

when julie went into her room and found the guys messing around she was on her way to text flynn 🥺 this book just makes me love their friendship so much more

reggie is described as having "a mop of hair" god i wish 😔

dahlia symbolism count: 3. so far it's been a vase next to rose, the curtains in the studio, and the flowers in julie's picture of her

luke: "our instruments are attached to our souls." reggie: "and sometimes our belts."

okay so the book confirms that julie found therapy helpful but she just didn't want to go back because she thought others would see her as fragile, which imo is a lot better than in the show when she just seemed like she hated it

they merged alex asking if julie got back into music with luke showing her bright which i get because if they kept everything in the book would be pretty long but... idk i kinda liked how it was just julie and luke when he showed her bright

julie describes the wow performance as being like a superbowl half-time show

list of celebs who've been name-dropped so far: weezer, the smashing pumpkins, katy perry, and harry styles

julie wanted to kiss kayla?!? wlw julie confirmed

YES TIME FOR REGGIE'S POV

reggie's internal dialogue is using way more words than necessary and as an autistic person I relate to that so i'm gonna use this as proof reggie is autistic 😙✌

reggie says how little julie's smiled since they met and is now describing her smile in detail 🥺🥺

me, seeing that reggie's pov is already over: :(

me seeing that it's alex's pov and he's about to meet willie: :D

avxhfjfldnd alex was so mesmerised by how beautiful willie was he forgot to speak 😭😭

damn they took out willie asking alex if he's into guys if he wanted a picture with fake marilyn monroe (they changed it to spider-man)

y'all willie gave alex a hip bump I'm dying over here

"wait, how can i see you again?" god this is killing me i love them 😭🥺

"even if you don't have questions" willie is hardcore flirting and i respect that

"i liked the sound of that" god it's been a few minutes and alex is already whipped agshdndm

dahlia reference number 4 (this time it's a mug)

instead of calling julie "insanely talented" luke calls her "annoyingly talented"

julie canonically uses the word "bonkers" and idk why i love that so much

ahhh i'm already halfway through the book and it's still episode 3

FLYNN'S POV OH MY GOD YES YES YES

i'll look at the pictures first though

okay now onto flynn's pov

maybe this is just me, but why does everyone say "mother" instead of "mom" all the time? it seems weirdly formal but whatever

flynn calls flying solo "our song" (meaning her and julie's) 🥺

svdbfjff whenever alex went to meet willie he just said he was going for a walk

wait, walks? plural?! alex and willie had more interactions and we didn't get to see them?! livid 😤

willie wanted to show alex the museum because it was one of his favourite places... god I'm soft

"i would've followed willie just about anywhere" stoppp this is too much for me 😭🤧

"together. i liked the sound of that." awwefdhehrhe

alex's catchphrase seems to be "I liked the sound of that" rather than "okay"

"so close that I could feel his breath" why did I think they were gonna kiss 💀💀

willie: "feels good, right?" alex: "yeah, it does." alex, in his head: "i was talking about the screaming, but i was talking about being here, now, with willie, too." oh god oh fuck-

"wagging an eyebrow" girl why is that worded so weird 😭💀

nah there's no way luke doesn't know what a sample is

yess we're back to luke's pov 😎

the book confirms that it was luke who wrote "hi bobby" on the mirror but i still refuse to believe it because of the one tumblr post i saw comparing all the boys handwriting and saying it was reggie (also the writing it too neat to be luke's 😌)

they cut the entire julie-sneaks-around-while-flynn-distracts-carrie bit 😔 (and also the guys mooning trevor)

"and the truth was, [julie] was becoming important to me. i hated to let her down." awwww 🥺🥺

sbdjfkfl reggie called the hgc creepy and alex got defensive because it "was willie's place"

when luke said they were "overdressed" they all tucked their shirts in

ffs not the eyebrow wagging again (this time from flynn)

so julie considers carrie as her frenemy and not an actual enemy... inch resting...

"the awkward "joke" just sat in the air like dead fish" abdhfjf what are these metaphors

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WILLIE'S POV?!?! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT HOLY FUCK AHHHHH

awww when alex asked about the lifers being "sworn to secrecy" willie wanted to telm him about caleb owning everyone at the hgc's souls but he couldn't 🥺🥺 if I catch anyone posting willie slander it's on sight 🥊😠🥊

OKAY WHAT I'M LIVID - they reduced the whole "do this forever"/"there's a lot to like here" thing to just the dialogue. literally no mentions of the lingering glances or luke's "you got a crush on willie". fucking disgraceful. i hate it here.

THERE - WE LITERALLY HAVE PROOF THAT WILLIE DIDN'T KNOW CALEB WANTED THE GUYS TO JOIN HE HGC WILLIE ANTIS CAN GO HOME NOW

willie watched the guys getting stamped and said it felt like his stomach was filling with lead SEE I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY WILLIE SLANDER IN THIS HOUSE

willie noticed alex looking into the crowd before leaving and wondered if he was looking for him... do tell me willie who else could he possibly be looking for

"alex said, looking stressed (then again, when did alex look not stressed?)" avshdnfmfr

julie describes nick's voice as "soft" and "graveled"

apparently julie has had a crush on nick since kindergarten, and in kindergarten nick cried because he couldn't get the lid off of his glue stick

luke says that knowing he let julie down at the dance hurt more than caleb's jolts 🥺🥺

the boys' little "sorry" song has it's lyrics written the same way the other songs, the ones actually in the soundtrack, do. tell me jatp why the sorry song isn't on the soundtrack right now 🔫😠

literally no mention of alex's dancing what in the homophobia

according to julie, finally free is about the power of connecting through music, but i still choose to believe it's a gay anthem about coming out

when julie saw her dad cooking breakfast and humming finally free she "almost died from how cute it was"

wait i just realised throughout this whole book there's been barely any mentions of julie and luke sharing the mic, and nothing about luke and reggie sharing either, and julie waking through luke in bright was just ignored. disgusting.

julie canonically thinks ray is the best dad ever 🥺🥺

that being said I'm pissed the book cut reggie from this scene

julie describes herself as being "charmed" by luke being nervous jskdkkdhs

flynn's pov again babey 😎

lmao nevermind the chapter was two pages long

also the whole perfect harmony sequence is just cut and all we hear is julie mention it to flynn... bruh

reggie and alex both see how hard luke is simping for julie and just give each other shit-eating grins whenever he mentions her dgehdjdj

when willie tells alex he can't explain why he's spying on him alex says "and to think i had felt there had maybe been something between us" fuckk

alex wondered if willie had ever had feelings for him or if he was playing him the whole time 🥺😭 bby nooo

they cut girls amirite... no one talk to me...

y'all... i think, other from julie, alex has had the most pov chapters... interesting...

the boys were literally so distressed about flynn eating pizza when they could smell it and not eat it and said they'd die of deprivation sgdhdjfkd

alex: *was choking back a sob*

willie: *was choking back a sob*

me: *was also choking back a sob*

😃 wtf... when willie says he cares about alex and hates that he brought them all into this mess, alex snaps at him... bro wtf that is not what happened and doesn't fit in with what alex was feeling in that moment at all... fuck this book

julie hugs flynn in the book at lot more than in the show so maybe it does have rights after all...

they've made a "face the music" pun at least 5 times so far in this book

wait - luke says that julie played his parents unsaid emily implying she sang it?? yo...

"but there was nothing I could say, nothing I could do, to make things better. so instead, I watched her go." why does that line hit so hard

"i pulled him in for a quick hug" lmao girl no

I JUST REALISED they cut the "i would've still followed you" scene 😭 the homophobia of it all 💀💀

'"i won't forget you," he said before spoofing out. Me either.' god don't do this to me today 🥺🥺

"with my smoothest dance move" now THAT'S the alex i know and love

the promoter and his assistant have names now: frank and tasha

the book's nearly over and i just realised there were barely any reggie pov chapters 🥺 not only is he my comfort character i also really liked his internal dialogue... oh well 😔

they really let there be spelling mistakes in this book smh

"who knew sunset boulevard smelled like cat pee and old takeout containers? not very glamorous, given that this was my hollywood rockstar dream."

"the music filling me like air - like joy" god I love that line

julie feels the need to point out how good luke looks in his tuxedo avdhdndmd

"i'm gonna miss you." "not as much as we're gonna miss you." oh god oh fuck-

wait THEY GRABBED HANDS ON STAGE??! AM I MISSING SOMETHING!?!?

"are you real?" "we were always real. But now... maybe... we're here?"

okay so i finished it and it was fun to read overall but i felt like past episode 3 was very rushed and condensed (makes sense since episode 3 finished past the half-way point of the book) and it stopped being as well written (barely any internal dialogue and descriptors), and some moments were mischaracterised heavily (including a lot of the willex) and juke just didn't seem developed at all. also i wish reggie had gotten more pov chapters since he's, y'know, a main character. i'm pretty sure he got, like, 2 :( also a lot of the music scenes lacked emotion but since this is an adaptation of something with music without music i'll let it slide. it was still nice to read either way.

[anistarrose]

*turns giant spotlight on you* why don't you tell everybody about that cursed crossover fic :3c

(WIP ask game here)

oh I was wondering if any of you who Knew would use this as the chance to make me spill the beans about this one... I'm so glad you did, though. because I have a lot of thoughts about why Bill Cipher and John/The Hunger should have a mutually toxic Chess and Vore hangout, to make each other worse.

(spoilers for The Book of Bill under the cut)

this was of course inspired by what I call Mandibles Theory, and what I've been lovingly called a coward for not calling Vore Theory: the implication from The Book of Bill that he not only burned his dimension, but also devoured a great deal of the other inhabitants, possibly even to get to them before the fire could. my first reaction to realizing how much sense this theory made was "oh my god that's fucked up," but obviously, my second reaction was "oh my god Bill's so John Hunger coded now, they should make out sloppy style."

the premise is that Bill develops an interest in the Light of Creation — possibly finding out about it in the first place because Ford ran into the IPRE or something, but the dimension-hopping nerds all take a back seat for this one. the next thing Bill finds out is that there's already a dimension-destroying eldritch horror with his sights set on the Light — but that's not enough to stop Bill, obviously. he lets himself into John's mindscape...

and Bill doesn't fully understand the significance, but John is surprised not to see Merle, actually. because this is post-"are you my friend?"/"I feel sad," that whole implication leaves a bad vibe in the air on John's behalf, though it's not enough to stop them from getting a chess game going, where they exchange (heavily selective retellings) of their backstories. Bill shares that he could see the third dimension — and John shares that with the Light of Creation, he could see the fourth. he could see time, the length of eternity. John says this in such a grave tone that Bill rolls his eye, says he's been alive for trillions of years, it's not all that serious — and John retorts that trillions of years are still less than eternity. that Bill still can't comprehend eternity.

now, Bill wants power, he wants John on his side. so he switches topics and plays up their similarities even further. he likes eating people too! it's one of his favorite pastimes! "tell me, Johnny, how you shut out the angry voices of those devoured souls! I like to drown the suckers out with my favorite songs, so how do you cope?"

John's reaction isn't what Bill expects — least of all given that Bill is wildly, wildly playing down how much the screams of his devoured family still haunt him. but John declares he doesn't have this problem. he doesn't devour for the sake of destruction, but for the sake of becoming something more with the planes that he finds — every lifeform the hunger swallows becomes immediately as vexed as John is with the horror of existence and the maddening nature of eternity.

"everyone listened," John tells him, insistent; "every single person listened." he says this, and cracks of opalescent corruption run up his neck, across his face, and he still maintains: "no one has ever turned away from the truth, from — from the Light —"

the reader knows that Merle turned away. and that that's what drives John forward, with a fervor in his eyes that makes Bill think he's angling for some kind of eldritch makeout session, which, you know what, Bill might be into that — but that's not what John's after. tendrils of the Hunger unfurl from his body, and try to absorb, try to devour Bill himself. he wants to drag Bill down with him. to make him see the world as John sees it — to think about existence not just for trillions of years but forever, to think of living with the screams of his devoured family tormenting him for forever.

and for a moment, Bill does start to see it that way. the existential dread assails him from all angles — the prospect that no partying, no portal, no puppet, no Sixer can stop his suffering forever? the prospect of carrying this guilt and these devoured souls eternally?

what saves Bill is not any strength of willpower exceeding that of John's. the only reason Bill breaks free is because, fundamentally, he cannot accept that unhappiness could be real. to accept that his eternal existence would be torturous would mean accepting that he is unhappy now, that none of his rationalization or his partying or his puppets have changed that. and Bill can't accept that.

he burns his way out of John's mindscape, he flees the Hunger-dimension altogether, and he never dares pursue the Light of Creation again. it pierced his mental defenses in a way that nothing had before. a way he's determined, silently determined, to never let happen again.

the last scene cuts to Ford and Merle playing cards on the Starblaster. and Merle's like "say, buddy, you just get a weird feeling that we just dodged a bullet we never even saw coming?" and Ford's like "some of us are scientists, who don't so haphazardly mix metaphor and superstition. but yes, I do feel a bit like a scary shadow just passed underneath us in the ocean." and then they go back to playing cards and the fic ends there with no one the wiser

[mio-nika]

I was rewatching a Lindsay Ellis videos about movie adaptations of musicals and why they usually don't work. Diegetic and Non-Diegetic narratives.

And it organically started this line of thought about Legion and how hard is to recommend it. So I wrote a giant post.

Like, yes. It's a very lose adaptation of marvel comic. The forgotten spin-off of X-Men universe about a powerful but insane mutant. But, let's just say, it took me three seasons to understand that it was a marvel property. I'm quite slow and only when I heard the last name Xavier I started thinking that I heard it somewhere else. It works great as a stand alone story where some characters just has this paranormal abilities and government are kinda not having it. So I don't think that marvel fans would be very interested in watching. Daredevil is not a good show, but at least Daredevil has Daredevil in it (sorry for fans of dardevil, I also like whump but let's be real here).

And for other people... It's extremely weird show? When I was talking about it with my friends and acquaintances I usually compared it to Voices, a 2014 thriller/black comedy film staring Ryan Reynolds who kills women and talks with his cat. But I also don't think that it's a good comparison? Voices is a black comedy and even if it takes some of the parts of living with schizophrenia realistic it downplays it for comedic purposes.

Fuck. I should have started from explaining that Legion is. As I already wrote, Legion is a TV series loosely based on the series of marvel comics by the same name.

It starts with David, our main protagonist, who is living in a mental hospital, because he's a menace of society, hears voices and let's just say. A little unstable. In the course of the first episode he finds himself a GF and finds that the reason why he hears voices is not because he's sick, but because he's a powerful mutant, a telepath, who hears other people and gets tangled in their minds. And he's a god's child and saviour that that will defend mutants from oppressive politics of humans.

So it's a story about telepaths. And showing epic battles between telepaths are kinda hard? I mean, they can throw big blocks of concrete, cars, control other people minds but it's all are happening outside of their minds. To show things inside their heads, you need to go deeper, you need to be creative. And weird. The magical and terrifying world of human psyche.

In the exact first episode we are granted with a complicated choreographic scene of all of the mental patients in the clinic... How else would we understand that the main character is in love with a girl of his dreams?

And it's only the starting point. The show blurres the boundaries between reality and unreality, where every event is both real and theatrical because in the mind of the main character. It is.

And this is the problem. For example. I have a friend. And they told me, that they don't like musicals because it's hard to them to take seriously the moment where everyone just starts singing all of the sudden. And like. Valid. So let's imagine that the people in the show, not only start singing for no reason, they start a complex dance-off to show their mind power? And you don't even know if they're really dancing, or they just. Doing something else, that for the audience looks like a dance? Anyway, yeah, the second season starts with a dramatic dance-off between three powerful mutants and you just. Sitting there. And I refuse to tell you about rap battle. There was a rap battle. I'm an old wizard who lives in the shoe...

Every episode of Legion starts with a retelling of a previous one. And where all the other shows says "previously" Legion says "ostensibly". Ostensibly in Legion. Who knows that is happening? Not me.

So let's get back to the Voices. Why I'm so torn up when I'm comparing Legion to Voices. Because, well. I think that Legion tells a story about mental illness and it impact much more seriously. Yes, it's a quirky show, with dance and songs, but... "может ли бог быть сошедшим с ума?"

Have you ever watched "They Look Like People"? It's an indie horror film from 2014 about a guy who hears voice of God telling him about incoming apocalypse and alien monsters who are taking people's bodies. I don't like horror movies where mental illnesses is a main story point. They are usually tacky and mean. "This person is ill, so he's scary and dangerous!" And all that. But at the same time, illness is dangerous. Not only for people around sick person, but to the person themselves. Main character in They Look Like People is not evil, he's sick and he needs help. He's suffering much more than the suffering that he inflicts. But where the main character in They Look Like People has a way out, the Legion does not. So what will you do? What you could ever do, if you have an insane god in your hands who are untreatable. And even if he was, he would refuse help because of the years of medical abuse. Both he and people around him have no way out. No happy ending.

So. It's hard to recommend Legion. But I would ask you to try. It's a salad of beautiful horror hiding in colourful clothes of the fairy tale.

Милый, имя тебе легион...

[liannaflower]

What are your top 5 books?

Ah well....this is a hard question and for a sad reason. I have no idea😂😅

Most of my so called fave books were my favourite years ago, so it's hard to tell if I still like them. For example Percy Jackson books, specifically the first one because ahh ✨Ares✨ of course, but I recently wanted to reread it again and couldn't even get to reaching camp.

Well anyways, what I know for sure is The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper. (By the way these aren't in order.) It was a unique read and I surprisingly liked it. I also read the next part and had high hopes for it but it flopped. 🥺 The covers are so pretty tho. It had a great vibe (this almost sounds like a red flag) and it basically follows the lives of prostitutes in Pompeii few years before the eruption.

Another one for sure is The song of Achilles (Madeline Miller) and while I usually don't like (khm I hate them) retellings this one was cute. It's been on my fave list for like 8 years and even rereading hasn't diminished it.

Then Prince's Gambit by C. S. Pacat from the captive prince trilogy and oh my gods. This has everything. The ancient Greece vibes, the enemies to lovers, the gayness😂😂😂(and the sex , the torture, the betrayals etc) I found this series by total accident and thank gods I did. I adore it.

Here I would normally mention one of the Pjo books (either 1st or 4th) but I can't do so now, and then I would mention one of the Eragon books but I also can't because it's been years without rereading them. (I always used to say Legendary from Stephanie Garner but I just recently reread it and I realised I no longer love it)

Sooo that leaves me questioning things. One that came to my mind is a Hungarian book. Aranyember - Jókai Mór (roughly translated: Golden man/gold man by Mór Jókai) It's a much hated book in Hungary (at least among students, I'm not sure if it's still obligatory or not anymore) because it's long and the writer has a unique style, where he makes every description soooo long but I adore it. It's a love story with a poor man falling in love with a rich girl and marrying her but then she's just saying yes out of obligation and she doesn't love him back etc etc. Then he falls in love with a poor girl and so he has double lives. He is also very very good with money so everything he invests in turns out so much better than expected and he gets very rich too. So basically just full of lies and love and agony and self debate. It's also not modern so it's set back in the old Hungary but that gives the charm. And damn it's just such a great book now I wanna watch the movie again too. 😭

The other I thought of is a short story to the Captive Prince trilogy. The Pet. Why? No idea. But I think it's great how it adds depth to a certain not so liked side character. After reading it I love him so so much. Also read one of the best fanfics for this book. Fuck that was so gooooood too.

Sadly I don't read as much as I should anymore or as I would want to.

If I really have to pick a legit book instead of the last one it would be The betrayals by Bridget Collins. Wonderful cover first of all. Made me buy it😂 I liked it, it was mysterious and a bit messy but not enough gay for me but oh well. Other honorary mention is Call me by your name and Find me by André Aciman. Beautiful stories. Nice writing. No other words.

Thanks for the ask. I really need to start reading better books because in the past year I mostly read thrillers and trash erotica or just yaoi😅 and none of those will ever hold me as close. On that note do you or anyone have any recs?

[bellis-apis]

March Book Tracker

I didn't forget to do this in February, I just straight up did not read in February and most of March (got a new job, moved, etc) so here we are for part of March!

Neon Gods*, Electric Idol*, and Wicked Beauty* by Katee Robert: Modern/alternate universe (I can't tell) retelling of Greek mythology. These are so so dumb but I had the urge to reread the first one and then I blacked out and when I woke up I had reread all 3 so there you go. First one is Hades/Persephone, second one is Eros/Psyche, third one is Achilles/Patroclus/AND Helen. The next one is Apollo/Cassandra and I WILL be reading it. They get farther away from the actual myth as it goes on and just kind of becomes name dropping. Very dumb, very spicy, a pretty fun time overall.

A Deadly Education: Read on @waytooseriousabouteverything's recommendation and I LOVED IT, it was so good! In fact I just went back to double check that was who I saw it from and saw there's a SEQUEL so I'm putting that on hold right now. Definitely my top book of the month. I described it to someone as Harry Potter meets Maze Runner which I feel like was true but does not at all do it justice, it's way better than both of those. I loved Orion, my darling boy. I really liked how Naomi Novik was able to show you how paranoid El had to be about every little thing and how she thought about her relationships with people, until she got friends and was able to just. Stop thinking so much. I feel like you take not having to think so hard about your relationships for granted until you don't have them so I liked how she did that.

Ancillary Justice: also on @waytooseriousabouteverything 's list but this one didn't do it for me as much. I can't tell if I wasn't following because I didn't like it or if I didn't like it because I wasn't following. Either way, I didn't finish it, but I may go back and try again later.

This puts me at 9 books so far for the year, not counting DNFs. I've already read one in April but I'm going to be good and not record it yet

*reread

[zeevoidlight]

i was thinking... (DB and Pathologic going Meta) ("...write the time", my grandpa used to say every time I'd say I was thinking, lol)... I saw a shirt in walmart the other day and it had a picture of Vegeta from Kai. Pretty normal stuff but I've always thought that the Kai art, well of course is modernized to make it more digestible for new audiences that feel the original Z series looks too old, but I've always felt that the characters look older in age in this style.

And yeah, I guess if you compare the two styles (the old one and the new) they look very different to one another. Generally Kai makes them... chubbier? wider? idk, they look like they more robust somehow, and their necks are a bit wider like when they get older in Z (or they appear that way to me), the eyes are a bit smaller and rectangular, they have more detail, the hair looks more geometrical... (I personally prefer the older style, looks more hand drawn)

CHARACTERS AS ACTORS

I've always had this strange feeling that characters have different versions of themselves because I always lived with dubbed material (series, cartoons, movies, songs, many imported from either the US or Japan). Sometimes the mouth wouldn't match what they were saying and the illusion breaks a bit but you get it, or the voice actors would change from one chapter to the other in series or movies. You just get used to it and understand that for a couple of minutes you pretend the characters are "real" to enter this world they are in and enjoy the story they have to tell. Like in the theater where, yeah there's a scenery and you have to use your imagination a bit to pretend the Sun is there in the background even if it's a painted cardboard Sun and there's no walls but there's a chair and some props so just pretend for a second it's a house. It's a similar feeling. Sometimes the actors change and, yeah is not Popeye from the cartoon, is a person that kinda looks like him pretending to be him, and maybe in the next show is going to be a different actor, or the same one but older years later still doing the same roll. The Voice actors don't look like the characters but in a way it's them. etc. (I took this one from facebook, credits to the author whomever they might be. This are the Latin VAs)

Even the characters themselves I think them sometimes existing separate from their own creators. Like when something makes no sense with them or they "get out of character", or simply when they are put into certain situations, is because they are literally being told what to do and how to act, where to be by the author, writer, or the director in turn, they dictate how they have to be "outside of their own control" sometimes. It's different interpretations according to who is writing them and sometimes separate from who the characters actually are in this separate plane of existence where there must exist a real version of themselves (see the Plato's allegory of the cave). Like puppet masters, or "God" playing with someone's destiny, a Game Master in a roleplaying game.

Where am I going with this and DB? I'm just here rambling with no point yet.

Well seeing Kai's art (which is closer to Super) it makes me imagine DB characters as actors themselves that have gotten older now but is as if they were called to re-shoot Z again and since they are "older" interpreting they are their younger selves is like in the theater. The voice actors sound older as well so it's kinda funny XD (Vegeta at the start of the Saiyan Saga vs his look in the Majin Buu Saga below)

If you've never played or seen the game series Pathologic (uhh... spoilers) but is exactly the same, and in the game is even part of the premise. The characters (and actors) of the first game are both real and fictional (they were made in the likeness of some people), and the second game is the retelling of the story of the first one but with some changes and a bit different according to the director and writer that didn't wanted to just do a remake and tell a slightly different story with the same premise. But the actors themselves have gotten older, and the characters, even if they are now their own in a way, separate from the people they were base on, were made older as well, even when being fictional they shouldn't be constrained by time or design because you could just remake them however you want and that's it. But no, they actually aged them but they interpret their same younger self from the first game. Some characters even "changed actors", and you are left to wonder if the previous one just didn't wanted to make the roll or for whatever reason they couldn't make it (even if they are completely fictional! XD).

First image is Daniil Dankovsky in the first game (and next to it is the game model), he's supposed to be 28. Second image is the same character too but is like "he was called to do the same roll" but years later. Nowhere does it say that but the game uses the theme of The Theater to make you understand that the whole game is all a play and you are engaging with it playing pretend for a while while playing the game. And you even start the game in a theater with the characters playing their role before you choose a character to "play". Is never explicit with the theme so that's why it is a spoiler, you are supposed to discover it as you play the game.

It's a very nice illusion, and very fun.

I also recently saw the Dragon Ball: Mystic Adventure movie (I never really saw the movies when younger), and to my surprise it was EXACTLY this same concept. The characters were just actors interpreting sometimes a different role in a sort of play to just tell a different story and have some fun for a couple of minutes. And I was just so happy! because it is exactly how I see the characters many times. With the whole "multiple universes", multiple timelines, the movies being their own things altogether, I do see them that way sometimes when you lift the curtain a bit. And I wished there were more movies with the DB characters like that. Where they are actors interpreting a different role just for the fun of it.

Idk, I'm pretty sure many people would absolutely hate the idea because they are very set on how the characters should be always, and I'm pretty sure many people absolutely hate that movie (or the movies in general just like how they skip the filler and anything that is not purely in the manga by word of God) because it makes no sense or because it's irrelevant, it has no canon meaning or it gives nothing that can be used to say anything important about the characters or whatever. But it's FUN.

I like that I thought Ran Ran was the princess or something, and I don't know if it was intended to be understood as it being a doll all along, or if it was a doll prop that was supposed to represent the lost princess, lol

I actually liked that movie. Very creative. And it catered into my own fantasy of the characters as actors. That do have their own story, which is the story we are told in the series, but at the same time is somehow like that Daffy Duck short where he is fighting against the cartoonist XD. Like the way Toriyama used to sometimes include 4th wall jokes in the manga, or self references, self acknowledgement that it was all play pretend (that it was a manga), self appearances, or even the characters themselves in the series when they start asking the logic of what happens and can't find an answer to it. Like how Vegeta cannot fathom how Goku is better and somehow always ahead of him despite how much he actually trains (even more than Goku as he himself says), is like a divine bad joke by how Toriyama gives Goku the most insane plot armor but there's not way for them to know that. Or how Goku himself is somewhat conscious of the problem that he is somehow the one that ends up saving everyone and is annoyed by this fact at the same time on how "destiny" makes him always be the savior of the planet (lol), like he cannot do anything about it. Is just fun for me to integrate a meta narrative when it fits.

that's all. Just some dumb thoughts.

[sandyspaghettibag]

Monumental post

Idk how else I'm going to identify this post as the retelling of the biggest thing that's ever happened between me and my boy, but well… I'm about to get a whole lot more sane from here on out

I was talking to him this afternoon, he wanted to send me stuff of his body, so I gave him the whole "you don't have to unless YOU want to, I'm here for you not your body" ykyk, I react suuuuper weird to his belly and chest cause like… I've had a crush on this boy for three years, seeing him in the flesh is just wild to my mind… he jiggled it around in a very similar way to twitter chubbies but like… it was HIM, like I KNOW HIM.

Overall, because my sex drive has been basically gone at inconvenient times, all I had was the romance in my mind and like… with the amount of flirting we'd been doing in the past week, I ignored whatever customs exist between friends or whatever and started doing olympic jumps over that line separating friends and lovers. Called him beautiful, called him cute, said what came to my mind, which is that I wanted to sit on his lap. Never got to say I wanted to wrap my legs around his back…that came to mind too lol.

I don't even remember how it switched over to this but he asked me if I saw myself realistically being in a relationship with him despite everything he has going on. I was like "I've seen myself like that for about three years!!"

APPARENTLY HE LOVED ME THE ENTIRE TIME.

When I tell you I didn't expect that… like I literally still can't process it, and every time I truly think about it for just a second I'm jolted with this euphoria. Like… it COMPLETELY changes those three years and my perception of them.

Anyway I was listening to Doja Cat outside just pacing back and forth all afternoon like unpacking those three years very lightly, (God i wanna hear and say so much more about them but that's for later) and I basically asked him if we could wait until I'm ready before making it official, because the plan was to get a job first and really socialize myself so I can learn to read a fucking room or whatever, plus I still have booty buster to deal with but that's a non issue at this point. I felt kinda terrible because wtf, just wtf in general… I really was in what was basically shock and VERY much disbelief… But I asked about what the "goal" was, and he said he wanted to obviously take it into real life.

HIS GOAL IS TO LIVE WITH MEEEEEEE. WHAT THE FUCK.

So now I'm just writing this in the shower while he sleeps instead of using the shower thoughts to process it, cause absolutely no way am I not documenting this. I don't think I'll need to write much crazy stuff anymore…

I mean like… if only November 2021 me could see me now. I really got him.

[iheartgracie]

campus nights reagan funny quotes

“Help!” a muffled voice calls from one of the bedrooms. A girl with hair the color of honey pulled up in curlers rushes out wearing a silky robe. “I don’t know what to wear.”

“I’m nervous, which is ridiculous, right? Who gets nervous about going to a party where their crush is? It’s like junior high all over except without the zits and braces. Thank god. I’ve been trying to talk to this guy for… a long time. I get all weird and shy around him. Well, shier than normal.”

“You’re hired. Someday when I’m a big well-known actress, I’m going to force you to do my makeup every day. In fact, I wish you could do my makeup for the winter play.”

“but last spring she had me looking like a clown. There’s stage makeup, and then, there’s straight-up too much blush.”

“My boss has a giant crush on him.”

“What?” I ask at the same time Reagan mutters, “Who doesn’t?”

Dakota and I look to her. “What? Come on, he’s hot. No, not only hot, he’s nice and…” She trails off. “I’m just saying, it isn’t totally ridiculous that she has a crush on him.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. I’m hoping that he hasn’t found it. If he has, I’m moving and changing my name.”

“Why? I thought you were ready to tell him how you feel.”

“Do you really think a red heart cut out of construction paper with glitter is the way I should do that?”

She giggles. “We were going for fun and heartfelt. My brother is a romantic.”

“He’s also a twenty-one-year-old man. I don’t think bedazzling the sentiment was my best-laid plan.”

“I think it’s sweet.”

“Well, when I decide to tell you how much I like you, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What if he’s already seen it?” she asks.

“Then I’ll send a postcard when I get settled in my new town. I have to go.”

“Promise me you’ll never let me craft for a man again.”

“I can’t promise that. Two glasses of wine and my judgment goes right out the window.”

“Again, helpful.”

“What’s with the all black?” she asks. She looks me over like she’s just noticing my outfit.

“I’m in mourning.”

“Oh my god, who died?” Her expression is horrified for a moment.

“No one. Just my fake relationship and any chance of ever dating your brother.”

“But I’m sure you just took him by surprise.”

“Oh, I took him by surprise all right, but not the good kind of surprise. The truly scary kind that should only happen in cheesy horror films.”

“Please don’t tell anyone else about the fake engagement,” I whisper while we’re still alone. “I’ll tell Dakota eventually, but I can’t do it right now. Retelling it was almost as painful as living it the first time.”

“I’m quiet because you make me nervous. I get this total body lock up around you. I can’t think or talk. It’s sort of humiliating how into you I am.” She screws her eyes shut and then peeks out, opening one and then the other.”

“My hands go to my face.

“I’m a narwhal, Ginny’s a tiger, and Reagan’s a llama. Duh,” my roommate tells him.

Oh shit. I’m a llama. I’m a llama standing in front of my incredibly sexy crush. A freaking llama.”

“Are you trying to politely ask if I turn into a drama queen, tortured artist every time?”

“Your words, baby.”

“I’d invite you over to meet the guys, but we’ve got training in thirty minutes.”

“Training?”

“Hockey.”

Also known as my new favorite sport.”

“Reagan nods in agreement. “Yeah, I need to go intervene before that girl standing next to Adam touches him one more time. Does anyone have bail money just in case?”

[honeystwiggypeach]

Could you do something along the lines of Mattsukawa introducing his very pregnant girlfriend to his friends and they are all shocked. They thought you were made up since they never met her (maybe she has a hectic work schedule and the timing just never happened).

You go out for drinks with them (obviously you aren't drinking) and they tell you so many embarassing stories about Mattsun and by the end of the night it's like you're one of gang, Mattsun feels happy knowing you and his friends get along well.

Omg bestie??? I love this, y’all are so smart you guys have just so many great ideas like what??😭tysm for requesting and sharing your idea!!! This is so great I’m gonna melt into a puddle rn🥰😭if anyone wants to see more or anything else let me know because I literally love requests so much!!

I did make reader work at the same funeral home as Mattsun because I’d assume that’s how they met when in college!

Tw- cursing, drinking, pregnant reader, baby is refered to as being small(in comparission to a newborn when she’s still in the womb by Mattsun because I suck at coming up with funny things😞) let me know if I missed anything!!

Whenever Matsukawa told any of his friends about you they’d exchange a look that said, “really? This again?” As much as he hated it their wasn’t much he could do to prove them wrong.

He showed them photos of you but they told him you had to be photoshopped in because no way in hell he’d been dating you since your freshman year of college and they still hadn’t met you.

“Guys, y/n’s pregnant…I’m gonna be a dad” he told them over drinks one night, you were fine with him going out at night since you’d have to cover night shifts for wakes sometimes and than other times paperwork would pile up from the director not doing their job. Other nights that you didn’t manage wakes, Mattsun did, for a long time, the only time you two saw eachother was at work and it sucked ass.

Though now that you’re on maternity leave, you’re finally able to spend time with your fiancé and meet his friends!

So of course when Issei brought up the idea of going to a bar and grill with his friends you were on board, “just to be clear you cannot drink” he repeats and you raise a brow.

“Clearly not Issei” you place your hands on your baby bump, you were nearing eight months pregnant and hadn’t thought of touching a lick of alcohol since you’d found out you were pregnant.

Of course when he walked in with you wrapped around his arm very clear belly on display he could hear Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Hanamaki chattered in disbelief.

He’s got a smug smile on his face as he helps you take off your sweater and purse before sitting down.

“I told you she was real!” Oikawa mutters slapping Iwaizumi’s shoulder lightly.

After introductions go around Maki is the first to ask, “so he’s like really gonna be a dad?”

You giggle softly and they can all see why Issei fell for you, “yea, feels like we’re gonna have her any day now” isseis eyes widen in worry.

“We still have two more months?”

“An expression baby” you smile sweetly and he lets out a sigh of relief.

Issei was telling the truth and from what it seems? He’d found the perfect person to balance him out.

After a few drinks and a few cups of water for you, Issei is excusing himself to the bathroom.

“Oh my god, y/n! While he’s gone let me tell you!” Tooru is a little tipsy, you can tell by the way a light pink dusts his cheek and every now and than he has to pause and lean his head against Iwa’s shoulder to catch himself.

“One time in highschool, Mattsun he” you listen to the way Oikawa wheezes before he can even finish the story.

This went on for the whole ten minutes that your fiancé was on the bathroom alternating between Tooru and Maki while Hajime their designated driver lets out occasionally snorts or adds onto their drunk retelling of events.

“Last week we went to the doctors,”you giggle a little at the memory before hearing the chair scrape against the floor.

Issei had been watching the four of you chat for a bit and he was glad you were getting along, ecstatic even, but he really didn’t need you to tell the guys that every time he went for an appointment with you he’d asked if the baby was full sized yet only to find out that she was still not the size of a newborn baby instead of just googling the size of a baby at certain gestations, in his defense he had no clue that’s how it worked.

Let me know if you guys want to see more or anything else because I love writing requests so much!!!!

[folkloreguk]

French Class [6]

A/N: You guys might want to whack out your love song playlist for this one…I cried writing this BYE I'm posting this from my grave!!

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, ANGST, smut

words: ~ 3.8 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @yeostars, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek

You: can I come over? I kind of need u

H/N: you need me huh…you’re lucky I’m home alone

It always starts differently. Some other question, or a subtle message of telling him you’re bored, or a flat-out confession of being horny. The ending is always the same. You, naked in his bed. You just had to get there, and things were easy when you were already on his dorm’s doorstep.

The moment he had opened the door, you had fistfuls of his hair between your fingers and attacked his mouth in a feverish kiss. He made a noise between a laugh and surprise but reacted quickly. His lips parted right away, letting you in, and you tasted mint from the chewing gum he liked so much.

“Let me- at least- close the door,” he mumbled. “Jeez, what’s gotten into you today?”

You stepped aside and mirrored his grin. He was acting surprised, but the way he instantly locked your lips after he had shut the door told you he was enjoying this as much as you were. You ran your hands down his torso and along the side of his thighs. His happy hum only poured oil into the fire, and you saw no reason as to why you should have kept your clothes on any longer. In minutes, in the middle of heated kisses and clumsy chuckles, your clothes were discarded, and you were left in your underwear. You stumbled into his bedroom in a tangle of arms and legs and heads barely pulling apart.

“Will you tell me about the date you had today or are we skipping over that part?” he asked, as he pushed you down by the shoulders onto his bed. You groaned a little, not even knowing where to start.

“Didn’t go well, huh?” he asked. Only a few nights ago you had consoled him after his failed date, now the roles were reversed.

“That’s one way to put it,” you said. He was climbing on top of you now, and the weight of him between your thighs still did the same things to you it had done the first time. There was one of his random playlists playing quietly from the speakers, but you were both too occupied to even consider switching the music off. You weren’t in the mood for a chat, not when he was biting and sucking bruises into your chest, pushing aside your bra just enough. But you knew he wasn’t going to let it go this easily.

“Tell me about it or I won’t take one more piece of clothing off your body,” he threatened. You shot him an are-you-serious-look while he only blinked at you innocently, like he was awaiting your response.

“Fine,” you groaned. “But hurry, now.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, before unclasping your bra and throwing it to the other side of the room. “Go ahead, I expect a story.”

You had rolled your eyes at him, but when he sucked on your nipple all of a sudden, and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud ever so perfectly, your eyes moved to the back of your head involuntarily. And, before he could complain, you started to retell today’s events.

“Alright. First of all, he acted all gentleman-y. Pulling back my chair at the restaurant, letting me have a look at the menu first, letting me order first, asking me if I was okay with our seats because they were in the sunshine, or whether he should have requested we get a different in the shade table, blah, blah, blah.”

With the lewd noises he was making, kissing your chest and fumbling with your breasts, you almost wondered whether he was paying attention to you at all.

“I’m waiting for the plot twist,” he chuckled. “If he had been this great, you wouldn’t be in my bed right now, would you?” He was now on his way to your lower regions. Your breaths came out shaky when he gripped your hips with familiar fingertips and placed a few kisses there, right above the material of your underwear. Nonetheless, you had to continue your story.

“Oh, it’s coming,” you said. “Because I suspect, the only reason he was acting that way was to compensate. For the fact that he was an hour late.”

He stifled a laugh, and you slapped his head playfully. “It’s not funny! I stood outside that restaurant on a busy street like an idiot for an hour. During exam season!”

“I wonder, if studying is so special to you- ,” he said. He tugged on your underwear, and you barely cared about his words when you were already imagining his mouth on your pussy. “Why aren’t you at home right now, doing just that?”

“Too frustrated,” you groaned, spreading your legs, practically inviting him in. “You don’t get it. That was only the beginning of the date. It gets worse.”

“Oh, damn,” he laughed, and you were going to slap him again. Harder, this time. But his tongue kitten-licked over your clit and you didn’t dare interrupt him further.

“First of all, he turned out to be boring. An economics major. And look, I’m not generalizing, I’ve met some cool economics majors. But when I said I never really understood the whole thing with inflation and deflation, I wasn’t asking for him to explain it to me. I know what it means, I just meant to say money is the root of all evil,” you said, little moans slipping inbetween your sentences. He laughed whilst sipping on your clit. You couldn’t be mad at his laughing anymore. In fact, at the sound of his chuckles, your own lips curled into a smile, too. God, he was so good with his tongue.

“But turns out he loved money. Like it was the sole reason he was doing anything. When he showed me his gold watch I almost yawned,” you continued.

“Dating a rich guy can have its upsides too, though,” he said, but you knew he was joking. He was running the tips of his fingers over your core, and you whimpered at how badly you wanted him to put them inside of you. You loved watching him, loved feeling his hair tickle the side of your thighs and having his free hand laying on top of your hipbone. The familiarity of it all, his little habits, made your heart heavy, so full of emotion, all of a sudden. But you had to snap out of it.

“Not this guy. He kept saying these lowkey sexist things I won’t repeat now. It’ll only make me mad again. He was one of those who thought money would buy him a girlfriend. And I was really trying to see the good in him…only there was none,” you said.

“Alright, I’m starting to understand why you needed some cheering up,” he said. “Good thing you’re at the right place. I know just the thing.”

At this, he slid his digits into you. You hummed and dropped your head into the plush pillow. Slowly, you exhaled, happy you finally got to relax after being so upset. But of course, he had to interrupt. Again.

“Did I say you could stop? Was that the end of the story?” he said. How did he expect you to form a coherent sentence? He fingered you gently, but the slowness of it all only drove you crazier. You felt every tiny sensation, every new bit of you he touched.

“No,” you sulked. “Fuck, it feels so good.”

“Go on, then,” he encouraged you, grinning because he was proud of your reaction he had caused.

“Fuck- okay. He was super shitty to the waiter. I’m talking about criticizing everything. This man had the audacity to complain about the food. I’m not a food critic, but I swear the food was amazing, there was nothing to fault at all,” you said, and then whined when he switched from licking your clit to sucking it between his teeth. You knew he was doing this on purpose. To make speaking harder for you.

“Oh my god, H/N. Wait, let me finish this. Not only was he horrible to the waiter in person, but he also made fun of the waiter’s appearance behind his back. And all along he expected me to find him funny. I used to think he had a sense of humor but not after today. Blech.”

“At least you got a free dinner?” he said, and without awaiting your answer, went back to work. Your head was spinning in pleasure, and you could only laugh sarcastically at his suggestion.

“Yeah. And after that train wreck of a date, he really thought he’d get to stick his tongue down my throat,” you said.

“Did he at least ask permission?” asked the boy between your legs.

“Mhm…but I told him I don’t do that on the first date,” you said. “Safe to say there won’t be another date, though.”

He looked up now, laughing more than before. You grinned, mainly because the sight of him was so cute. He folded his hands on your belly and put his face down onto your skin to giggle. In no way could you be upset or urge him to keep giving you head. In fact, you had forgotten about all of that for a while, as he seemed to enjoy your misfortune a little too wildly. You should have been hungry, eager to have the half-naked boy inside of you. Yet, you laughed at the way his breaths tickled your stomach and when he finally made eye contact, it was a wholly different sort of hunger which overcame you. Instead of the heat he usually made you feel, it was a comfortable warmth that was in your chest. It reminded you of a bonfire or of drinking your favorite hot drink on a cool autumn day.

“I want to watch you come,” he said, casually. “Were you close?”

You were so lost in his trustworthy, dreamy eyes, you almost forgot to reply. Quickly, you nodded and hummed.

“I would have already come, had you not pestered me to tell you all the details of my date,” you said. The way his cheeks beamed when he smiled made you feel as if your insides were turning into mush.

“I’m sorry. I’m your friend, aren’t I allowed to ask how your day went?” he asked.

“Of course you are,” you said. The word ‘friend’ echoed off every wall in your head until you wished you could have deleted it from the dictionary.

“I’ll make sure it feels extra good now,” he said, kissing your stomach. You shivered as you watched his gentle lips move lower, to your hips and the insides of your thighs. The touch felt like butterfly wings on your skin, and the tardiness of it made you impatient. When his tongue came in contact with your clit again, you sucked in a breath of surprise.

He tried to start slowly, but then you gripped his hair tightly, and carefully pushed him further. It was something you did often, a way to tell him you wanted more without having to use words. After all this time, he understood perfectly. Your clit was between his lips and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pleasure. It felt incredible, creating a funny sensation in the pit of your stomach. His fingers grazed over your slit until you were whimpering and shifting your hips, trying to make him hurry.

One of his digits slid into you easily, curling against your sweet spot, and it hit you only now how much you had missed him between your legs since he had stopped a few minutes ago. It made you feel as though you were suddenly overwhelmed with all of him, but you were willing to let the heat crash over you if it meant you could be close to him.

“Am I making it up to you now?” he asked as he pulled away merely for a breath. “I’ll turn your day into a good one after all.”

In a different tone his words would have sounded like the exact thing one would have expected to hear from a fuckboy in the bedroom. He could have boasted and bragged endlessly about how great he was with his tongue and fingers – he would have been right – but he didn’t mean it like that. You could tell from the uprightness and the authenticity in his voice that he really was doing his best because he wanted to make you feel better and turn your day around. Because you were special to him. Or so you desperately hoped.

Your legs wrapped around his shoulders as if you were trapping him between your thighs. But he was right there, and he would gladly stay for so much longer, and to say it puzzled you was an understatement. The boy who belonged to everybody, who was known by all of the campus, was treating you like you were royalty, and not the other way around. You moaned, his name inevitably falling from your lips. He added another finger and the slightest stretch made you lose your mind for a split second.

“That guy could have never made you feel this good, could he?” he suddenly asked. Your initial response was a helpless whine. You had been so close, and his talking had interrupted the otherworldly bliss for a moment.

“No, never,” you then whimpered shortly. ‘No’ was such a tiny word. It could barely encapsule what you truly meant to say. Which was that it would have never even gotten that far. That other guys couldn’t even have you at all. They didn’t get their turn to try and beat him. Not as of lately, at least. That you didn’t so much as dare to think about sleeping with other guys. That even before you had gone on the date, you had known it wouldn’t lead to anything. No guy could let you develop an interest on him in the same way the boy between your legs had done it. No other would be able to kidnap your brain like that. H/N was always there. Even when it was only you and your sex toys, you would automatically pretend it was him getting you off. You were so far gone that it was embarrassing how long it had taken you to admit it to yourself. But it was a colossal thing to confess to him, and you would never do that. Rejection would hurt a billion times more than whatever it was you two had now.

Your heart was racing as you closed your eyes. You had been so lost in thought, it was wondrous you hadn’t fallen yet. But you were right on the edge, making your breaths come out like puffs and a string of moans and swears sound from your lips. He too had stopped talking, concentrating on the task at hand, and judging by the way your back arched he was doing one hell of a good job.

“Oh my god- “ you whimpered. “I’m so close, H/N.”

This time he didn’t reply, which was for the best. Only a few seconds passed until you started to quiver and whine beneath him. You were going to outer space behind your eyelids as your high rushed through you. Your fingers curled and tightened in his locks while your legs clenched around his head. He was quick to pull your thighs apart again, still not being finished. For long seconds you swam in pleasure, with nothing on your mind but bursting stars. He was heaven, knowing precisely how far he could take it until you were too sensitive to take any more.

When you were at that point, he finally pulled away and looked up at your crumpled form. There was a lazy smile playing in the corner of your lips and your vision was hazy after having had your eyes closed for a while. He climbed up your body until his chest was against yours so he could really look at you.

“I get all of this without ever having been on a single date with you? I’m so lucky,” he said. You only smiled at him, at a loss for words. What were you to say? The two of you were clearly past the awkward dating stage already.

“I’m lucky you let me come over all the time,” you said. “I would have expected the campus fuckboy to be busier. To not have an empty spot in his bed every night.”

“Ah, shut up,” he said. “I’d rather have you here than a girl I don’t know at all. Look, I’m really tired so I don’t know how this will go…but can I?” He was on his knees, a tent visible in his boxers. With a questioning look, he was tugging them down his legs now.

“Of course,” you said. As you watched him roll on a condom, your ears perked up. Did that song have to come on shuffle just now? The coziest, most romantic love song you adored so much? You knew if you looked him in the eyes you’d be done for. But there wasn’t anywhere else to look when he settled between your legs and held up his weight with his forearms. His eyes were deep enough for you to get lost within a second. Distracting yourself was impossible. The one last thing you could do was to reach between the two of you and guide his length into you.

The song’s chorus came on, you looked at him once again, and suddenly you were all his. You didn’t need to tell him so. He thrust gently, almost carefully, like he had never done it with you. Your heart hammered against your ribcage so vivaciously, you wondered whether it had turned autonomous and was now trying to jump out of your body, onto his skin and through it, so it could nestle next to his own heart.

Neither of you spoke. Yet, there had never been so much chemistry, such a heavy amount of uncommunicated emotions between the two of you. You were ready to hang on his every word, should he decide to speak up. In your head rampaged a billion sentiments you needed him to know, but there was no option to express them adequately. Perhaps there were simply no words in the English language to declare your feelings for him.

Small whimpers and moans left your lips only for him to hear. Sometimes he moved a little quicker, gifting you with the most perfect sounds he could make. And to know you were the cause for it sent you into overdrive. His mouth was right above yours. If you lifted your head slightly, you could have kissed his sweet, sweet lips. But you were so afraid. What would he think? You had never kissed him during sex. Not softly, like you wanted it so terribly.

Even worse, you craved so much more than that. You wanted to pull him in, envelope his mouth in your own, crawl over the edge of his lips and reside in his chest for safety. Because that’s what he was. Comfort. Reassurance. Home. How foolish you had been, pretending this little fling would lead to nothing more. You really had told yourself this would work. No feelings. Just fun. You couldn’t deny having fun with him. He was the best company you had ever known, and he had become your most precious friend quickly. It was as if you had only been waiting for the silly, flirty boy to sit across from you in the library and make weak advances towards you.

The love song tuned out slowly, replaced by something more sensual and sinful. In accordance with the new background noise, he gripped your hips a little meaner and went faster. You barely noticed how his breathing had sped up as he was getting closer to his orgasm. A trance had overcome you, transfixing you on his godlike features and how much it hurt to know you couldn’t call him yours. In your head you were made for each other. They always said to date your best friend, didn’t they? You could try to turn back time, go back to your first meeting place, at the party. See if things would turn out different. But you knew they wouldn’t. As much as your fear tried to suppress it – you would take the same path again, stumbling head-first into his arms and letting him into your life like a crashing wave of laughter and heart-crushing conversations.

Now you reflected in despair, how he had taken your heart in a storm, without having to try too hard. And worst of all, you were okay with it. Your heart was secure with him, you thought. The feelings yearned to be spoken out loud, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“You feel so good,” he said. “Always, so fucking good.”

He snapped his hips against yours, burying his cock deep inside of you and all you could muster was a hum of agreement. This is what you got for keeping him at arms-length from the beginning. Wasn’t it you who had challenged him to be friends and only that? Perhaps you would be okay, so long as no one else called him theirs either. You could go on like this, letting him use you for sexual relief and making him laugh when he needed it. Gladly, you would take the pain of not being allowed to love him with your whole being if it meant you could see him whenever you wanted. Exposing those silly emotions would wreck your friendship and you wouldn’t let it happen.

He grunted and only then, when he lowered his head into the crook of your neck and moaned your name, you realized he was reaching his high. Softly, you cradled his head in your hands, as if it was the last time you could hold him like this. When he put his forehead against yours, he had his eyes closed and his chest was moving steadier than before.

“You’re the best,” he whispered. “Stay the night?”

Should you have gone home, and missed him all night? Would you have regretted saying no while you curled up in bed with no Cheshire-cat-grin-boy to hold? Or were you to remain in his bed, and pray you would survive the torture of not speaking your mind? His skin radiated the most wonderful warmth and you wanted to trace his lips with your eyes until you fell asleep. That’s how quickly it was decided.

“Okay,” you answered.