#but god i only wanna write on my other blog that i am not actively giving out

[rosenclaws]

Hi love, I hope you’re doing well! I’ve been a fan of (stalking but let’s not talk about it) your blog for a little while, but this is the first time I’ve sent in a request for you! Your writing for Leopold is literally the sweetest ever and you’re the only writer I know of that actively writes for him, it’s so dry out here!! I was wondering if I could request something fluffy with Leopold x fem!reader where is like the most tooth-rotting fluff you can think of. I’m talking him trying to court the reader even though it’s the modern day and that’s not really a thing anymore and shes a bit confused but loves it, a super touchy reader that loves to shower Leo with her affection, literally anything. Those are just ideas, feel free to be as creative as you’d like (and don’t be shy if you wanna make it a longer fic, I’ll take what I can get). This fandom (if I can even call it that) is such a barren wasteland for fanfics and you are such an amazing writer for him and just in general!!

Much love 💕

Courting || Leopold Mountbatten x Reader

a/n: Hi!! Okay I kinda took this in a slightly different direction so if its not what you wanted then plz feel free to send in another request (ik they're closed but I will make an exception) ALSO FUCK HES SO HANDSOME IM GONNA SCREAM

wc: 1.2k

warning: reader wears lipstick

The last thing you expected was to find a neatly written letter waiting for you when you got home. Pinned neatly to the door with a small rose attached to it. You recognized Leopold's handwriting immediately, no one else you know has such beautiful penmanship.

There’s a flutter of butterflies in your stomach as you open the letter. You and Leopold have gotten very close to each other. He’s unbelievably charming and so sweet and he’s just everything. The way he looks at you, it makes you feel like the only one in the world.

Hello my love,

I am writing to ask if you would do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner and a show this Friday night. I have found myself completely captured by your beauty, you live in my every thought. Every breath I breathe for you and every beat of my heart calls your name. I wish to court you and have the honor of calling you mine.

Your dearest Leopold

You read the letter once, and then again and again. Your fingers trace each letter. Never have you had anyone say something so precious to you before. The rose smells fresh and sweet, he must have gotten it this morning. You hurry to write him a reply, accepting his offer with great enthusiasm.

Folding the letter you press your lips the corner of the paper leaving a lipstick mark. Leopold lives just down the hall so you walk over. Just as you’re about to slip the letter under the door it swings open.

“Leo!” You squeak out as stand back up, almost knocking your head into his chest.

"Hello darling." He's dressed in casual clothes and my god you need to thank whoever introduced him to sweatpants. Anyways.

"I see you received my letter." You bite your lip as you hand over your letter. His name written as fancy as you can.

"Yeah, it was really sweet Leo." He takes the letter and you swear he blushes a little when he sees the lipstick mark. He stares at you for a while, with that perfect smile and gorgeous eyes.

"I uh, I'll see you Friday." His eyes light up at your words.

"I'll see you Friday my love." He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles.

You manage to keep it together as he shuts the door but once you make it back to your apartment you're melting. A giddy feeling you haven't felt in years. You have to wonder how he will attempt to court you in modern day. People don't really court anymore but all you care about is that you have a date with Leopold. Friday couldn't come fast enough.

You had never felt this nervous before. Spending way too long getting ready just to be done an hour early. It's just Leopold, you know Leopold. There's no reason to be nervous but you can't stop the tornado of worry brewing inside of you.

What if something goes wrong? Or the date goes horrible? What if he decides he doesn't like you anymore? What if this ruins your friendship. You shake your head and try to dispel any bad thoughts.

Tonight was going to be great. It has to be. There's a knock at the door and you quickly double check everything before opening it. Any worry still residing in your mind disappears. A beautiful bouquet of flowers is handed to you as Leopold is dressed to the nines. A crisp white shirt and black pants.

"They're beautiful." You say admiring the flowers. Fresh and absolutely gorgeous.

"Not as beautiful as you." Leopold says, barely at a whisper. Like he can't believe that you've even agreed to a date with him. He can't help but admire everything about you. To your smile, your beauty, your laugh, your voice. You're perfect.

You place the flowers in a vase and then the two of you are off. He rests his hand on your back as you walk through the city. His thumb draws circles in your back as you approach the restaurant. He's planned everything himself and he can't help but hope it's enough for you.

Dinner is lovely and the conversation flows without any awkwardness. You're talking to your friend Leopold but you know there's something more as you slowly get closer to each other as the night goes on. Hidden away in the corner booth you are free to get lost in each others eyes. Though you wish you could stay here all night he promised a show. Leopold loved the theater and he promised one day to take you and tonight was the night.

"How did you get such good seats?" You ask as he waits for you to sit before he does.

"I have my ways darling." You're hyper aware of just how close the two of you had gotten at dinner and how close you are now.

The show is interesting yes but Leopold was a very distracting man. Your hands inch closer together. Glancing over at Leopold you find him already looking at you. He waits for your silent approval, not wanting to cross an boundaries. So you take the leap. Intertwining your hands together.

A faint blush on his face and a big smile on yours. His hands are so warm and they fit so perfectly with your hand. When the show ends you reluctantly head back home. You don't want this night to end. Your hands swing together as you gush about the play.

"I had a wonderful night Leopold," You're leaning against your door, wanting so badly to keep the night going. His hair swoops perfectly in front of his forehead and he's got this pretty smile that you can't stop staring at.

"So did I, Thank you for accompanying me tonight." His eyes drift to your lips.

It's adorable seeing just how old school he really is. You know he's from 1876 but still. Modern boys pale in comparison to Leopold.

"You know you don't have to be so nervous Leo, I want to kiss you too." You say boldly.

He chuckles, ducking his head as bites his lip softly. He cups your face gently and you close eyes as he gently captures your lips in a kiss. He's gentle and sweet and you crave more. Still he pulls away much too soon. You pout slightly and he laughs.

"I know I'm much more traditional than you're used to." He traces your lips with his thumb. Admiring every little detail of your face.

"But someone as wonderful as you deserves to be treated with the upmost respect." He kisses your forehead gently.

"You deserve to be loved," Another kiss.

"To be cherished," Another.

"And to be worshiped." Words fail you completely. Leopold has rendered you utterly speechless.

"Did I overstep?" He asks, worried about you silence.

You shake your head. practically jumping into him as you kiss him. Passionately running your hands through his hair. He groans slightly as you tug on his hair. He pushes you against the wall, bracing your head with his hand as he kisses back.

"I'm falling in love with you." He whispers. A hopeful glint in his eyes.

"I'm already in love with you." You admit.

You become lost in his lips as he kisses you again. He just can't get enough. You blindly reach for the door handle and without argument pull him inside of your apartment.

Soft kisses and laughter are shared quietly between the two of you. Time ticks by but you have lost all sense of care in the world. All that matters to you is this moment. Your fairytale come to life. And it was just perfect.

[masuchu]

“𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆?” [WRIOTHESLEY]

what happens when your gaze is hopelessly bound to those seemingly innocent, but inexplicably lewd handcuffs your boyfriend constantly carries around with him? ‧₊˚

genre. smut! nothing actually happens, but the entire thing is extremely suggestive, mentions of bondage & punishment, manhandling lol

pairing. wriothesley x reader

love, masu. ah, i think this is an amazing way to get myself back into writing on this blog again! my real writing style is finally being shown haha, none of that sickly, too cute stuff. hope you enjoy!!!!! let me know if you want a part two :))

Wriothesley always spoke with such a sultry, sickening tone that left you feeling your heartbeat in places you usually do not. Perhaps the gentle rasp was what left you so at his mercy? Or maybe, the simple yet defined vocabulary he used when explaining his day, or in other, more intimate moments, what he would like to do to you.

Having said all of this, why could you care not a shred for his words this very moment? Why were absolutely none of his sentences registering in you hazed mind? Instead of paying attention like a lover should, you had your hungry eyes pinned on those alluring, metal cuffs dangling from his belt. The images they conjure, the activities they connote: it all left you salivating and shuddering in the office of the infamous Duke. (Or in terms more personal to you, your lover.)

“Like I said, the prisoners become rowdy when they get bored. I’ll need to implement— Sweetheart, are you listening?” Wriothesley’s eyes dragged across your abnormal, quivering form and he mentally concluded that something was … distracting you.

You jumped out of fear of your daydreams being exposed, but also in mild concern of the daydreams themselves and their insatiable nature. Nodding fast like a guilty toddler, you blurted,

“Oh, I have never been better! Whatever gives you the impression I am not okay?”

The man in question took a careful glance at your wide, doe eyes and stiff form. Suddenly, his head tipped back just an inch or two, and a low chuckle departed from his lips. (The action having a much more arousing effect on your nether regions than you would ever admit.)

“I said ‘are you listening’, not ‘are you okay’. Well done for exposing yourself, sweetness.”

If only he knew what else you were hiding, you thought gravely to yourself. In a naïve belief that he had unknowingly saved you from a mortifying admission, you attempted to go along with his interpretation of your abnormality.

“How silly of me! I really am not with it-!”

Your hips were suddenly locked in solid grip, hard enough to invoke deep, purple bruises along your skin, and you were yanked into a firm but comfortable chest. A chest you knew all too well.

“Also, don’t think I didn’t noticed the way you were looking at my handcuffs, pretty. Got something you wanna’ tell me?”

“You’re mistaken, I— It was simply a one time glance! Absolutely nothing to do with—!”

Your boyfriend removed one hand from your waist and weaved the remaining arm tightly around your waist entirely, keeping you firm against him. His now free hand took a delicate hold of your jaw, and whilst lifting it up his face travelled closer to yours. His hot breath fanned over your lips, and all you wanted for him to rearrange your guts then and there.

“Ah, and now you’re lying? Lying is not very becoming, especially not on you. It makes you bad, and do you know what I do to bad girls?”

His ragged yet stylish hair, his impenetrable, piercing eyes, his strong hold on your body. The physique of a God, you thought. Every aspect of him, how his eyes were intently fixes on yours, waiting for you to answer his question, to use your words— as he was always so keen on you doing. It all came together to allow you to blurt out such a meek, pitiful and uncertain whimper,

“You punish them, Your Grace?”

A devilish smirk tugged on his lips.

“Clever girl. Your little … imaginations might just be brought to life far earlier then you expected. Now strip.”

2023 © masuchu , do not repost, reword, plagiarise, take inspiration, translate or share my work anywhere!

[kinki-cami]

Nah because i would FLORISH being an independent in affini society

Like first off, im not isolated immediately that brings me up by like 45% like i can go see that forest, hang out with the (hopefully not going to bite me or give me rabies) animals pet some squirrels say hi to the hummingbirds, i can go into public and walk around, id honestly probably start skipping bc thats what ive imagined so far considering i wouldnt be as depressed as i am now

Secondly, FULL customization of what i wear just be able to look how i want without fear, probably wear my denim look but with some extra like, an ACTUAL denim skirt that looks nice, maybe makeup if i was feeling up to it

Thirdly, just exploration. This is pretty much the miscellaneous second of this post. Because theres probably no money (i assume i need to do more research) before i get to that i fuckin love research i would know every fuckin affini custom by year 5, anyway because of presumeably no money, fake shop at the mall bc hell yeah fuckin love the mall its like a mini city, youd go in like you were going to the mall and like fake "check out" with like a fake credit card or something and yahh fun but also id just like go get coffee, possibly some matcha, skip around town wearing heels WITH my denim outfit, looking all fuckin cute, go see the plants (not affini like houseplants like mint) fuck id grow some bleeding hearts, some mint, make sure to pick up plant food, bc even tho i CAN do it in the hab unit, its more fun leaving to pick stuff up, it gives you a sense of accomplishment like "yahhhh i did something today 🥰 (its a crime theres no 'fist pump' emoji, i swear there are more useless emojis than practical ones)" and because i wouldnt be in one location for 6+ hours a day (excluding sleep) i would have time to do things that i WANNA do, like finish that pokemon book that im only on kakuna out of pecharunt. And i could drink my coffee/tea and go to the game store and play magic with peoples or pokemon, i could go play some dnd, write my damn books, skip around in heels bc skipping is happy but i wanna wear heels soo yahhhh

Yeah i may occassionally get harrassed but like if im polite and express boundries im sure theyll leave me alone or at least relatively along

By the way im going based off of the two stories ive read so far aight, so if this is very biased aight. Too bad i need to read more. But also like, i can express myself two 2 stories ok? Like a girl can fantasize anyway back my fantasy

Eventually id want an affini to adopt me but like, god id be pretty happy without drugs theyd need to actively make my life miserable to make me want the drugs, like, damn. Also with the number of times im cursing in this post any and all affini rp blogs are gonna be like "stop fucking cursing little indie" and to be fair i dont like cursing at people the only time i do is when im expressing myself or am pissed off i never call anyone curse words because its mean and i dont like being mean 🥺

Uhh and i think thats all my thoughts god i had Sadistic glee read the bonus chapters of hdg a bit ago anyway gotta gp finish those, then go finish the other one that im halfway through then go read more, if anyone has any not emotionally wrecking stories feel free to send them via asks or something like i dont wanna see characters despairing but i dont mind seeing their personality erased, as long as the struggle isnt super visible or is minimal

[putschki1969]

Kaji Fes.2023 Day 1 FULL Video [Reupload]

Find the original post from last night HERE. It doesn't show up on the Tumblr dashboard so only people who actively check my blog have seen it. I exchanged the video with an official one so I guess it might have been a copyright issue. Don't think I've ever had one, very interesting.

»»——  CLICK ME 🎁 CLICK ME ——««

❗FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗CREDIT me if you SHARE on other sites❗

I was quite excited to watch this since I only attended Day 2 last December. I didn’t necessarily regret not going for Day 1 but there were a couple of really neat songs in the setlist that I kinda wished I had been able to see performed live. The audio seems a bit dull but maybe it’s just me… Anyway, it’s still a pretty epic live. Please note that they decided to cut a handful of songs from the broadcast (probably to keep the whole thing at roughly 2 hours). The following songs are not included: fake garden, canta per me, she has to overcome her fear, I beg you and 砂塵の彼方へ.

Here are some random thoughts┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

fake garden

canta per me

the world: Nothing much to say here. Decent performance but I liked the song more when it was led by Keiko.

Liminality: Loved, loved, loved this version with the amazingly talented Yuri Kasahara, Keiko and Kaori. The bridge here might be my favourite of all time.

in the land of twilight, under the moon: Never been a fan.

swordland: Another highlight for me. I think it’s easy to tell that I am a real sucker for YK’s guest vocalists that use a more operatic singing style.

she has to overcome her fear

luminous sword: Always been a big fan of Yuki’s SAO soundtrack. I understand why it gets performed a lot.

星屑: Even though this is a Keiko-centric song, I’ve never really liked it all that much so I don’t have much to say about it.

花守の丘: Solid.

ｗe’re gonna groove: Those who have followed me for a while know how I feel about the accordion. I dislike this instrument with a passion and it’s just featured way too heavily here. Fun fact, when Day 2 started with the accordion, I got really scared and wondered whether or not I would enjoy myself.

Obsession: Can’t say I’ve ever heard this song before. Sadly, it’s nothing that leaves a lasting impression. Also, that accordion…(¬_¬) Weird choice for LINO LEIA. It was fun hearing Keiko sing a bit of English though.

千夜一夜: Once again, not familiar with the song. Like this one a bit more though. Generally, I think I prefer rito’s vocals over LINO’s even though I don’t really know why.

Point Zero: This is one of my all-time favourite YK songs and one of the few tracks I really regret not seeing live on Day 1. Another epic performance by Yuri Kasahara. God, I love her so much.

salva nos: Speaking of regrets, yup, I’ll admit it, I am pretty bummed that I missed this one. “salva nos” and “a song of storm and fire” were the very first YK songs I ever listened to and they quite literally changed the trajectory of my life. Without those two songs, I wouldn’t have looked into more of YK’s stuff and I certainly wouldn’t have discovered Kalafina. One day, I wanna be there for a live performance. At least I got to hear “a song of storm and fire” on Day 2. So grateful for that!! Anyway, super epic.

花の唄: No thoughts.

I beg you

櫂: Ahh, I almost forgot about Aimer’s Mizu no Akashi 2.0. It’s so funny to me that this is literally copy/paste. Lovely melody, I don’t even mind the vocals all that much but damn, it’s not even coming close to Wakana’s Mizu no Akashi.

朝が来る: Decent but nothing to write home about.

My Story: Ohhh, another score track from “Hanako to Anne”. I was actually blown away by Day 2’s “希望の光”. This is not as good but still quite nice. Weirdly enough I am obsessed with the uilleann pipes. How come I can’t stand the accordion but I absolutely love this instrument? Probably because I am really into the celtic sound?

Parallel Hearts: Ugh, never liked this song, not even when Wakana was still around.

stone cold: This on the other hand is a song I’ve always enjoyed but with Wakana no longer in the picture, it’s just not the same. Will never get used to the Kaori chorus. Sorry T_T Still like this though.

the image theme of Xenosaga II: Good stuff.

蒼穹のファンファーレ: Love that this is focusing on the FJ regulars. My favourite performance of the song so far.

[bungoustraypups]

new pinned post

hi i'm cio, most of this is copy/pasted from my bsd-only blog @bungoustraypups-verse

i also have my @bungostraydogs-nextgen blog for my bsd fankid/next gen character development where i plan to be more active soon

make sure to read my carrd

here's my link in bio page too

i’m 25

things to remember when interacting with my posts/content:

yes i love mori. no i do not think mori is a canon pedophile or child predator (he isn’t a canon child predator either, for that matter) and i do not think mori abused dazai. yes i am open to discussing why i believe this and you’re welcome to debate me on the second opinion, but i am not open to arguing about it, and i am not open to debate on the first one. please respect my boundaries.

fukumori is my OTP and i have specific ways i like to discuss them. specifically, on any post i make, do not discuss anything about them being "divorced" or anything other than actively in love with each other unless i bring it up. it bothers and distresses me when this is brought up against my will, especially on my posts i make about them or implying them being a thing, so on and so forth. always assume my fukumori posts are made with the intent of them being actively together and in love unless i say otherwise explicitly

i'm aware that there's a lot of canon divergence in how i portray the characters, it's on purpose, and how i portray them in my fanworks is not necessarily reflective of how i think they would or should behave in canon, and aspects of some of their backstories/some headcanons i have for them apply solely when writing them in fanworks and not in the canonical material. please don't assume things about how i watch/read BSD based off my fics, especially when it comes to verses that are completely separate AUs and not just canon divergent

don't trash talk mori on my posts. seriously. i don't wanna hear about how you hate or dislike him even if you're being nice about it. he's my favorite character. go say that on someone else's post

i am an OSDD system of 300+. we are polyfragmented. one of my most active sysmates is a mori fictive. my system’s fictives are not the same as their source and for the love of god please don’t ask him or any of the others invasive or weird questions. be nice and treat them like the people they are, if they choose to communicate on this blog.

i have 400 bsd fankids and ocs and a multitude of aus.

here is a non-detailed list of the fankids/ocs

here is the website i store the profiles for the ones who have profiles, they’re not all done yet and more are coming

here is the list of aus (link pending)

the quickest way to my heart is to ask me questions about these guys.

eventually i’ll have a tag page. stay tuned.

please reblog this linked post bc im in a bad financial place and need donations to at least try to keep my mental health intact as well as to pay for some of my subscriptions i have that make me happy <3

[pikasetism]

hi, if this doesn't bother you, what are your pikase headcanons?

do you have au with them?

also i love the blog idea, it's so cute have a place were the pikase fans can talk about them 💖

hiiiii anon i did not realize how much i would have to say about this ive been writing this reply for hours sorry long post inkoming lmfao

my funny little general headcanons can fluctuate for whatever i wanna do but the solid ones are that fukase is disabled and does tech support and piko is a robot and does a lot of programming stuff, they join forces to build silly little robots together and theyre always looking out for each other

more random ones are stuff like the height i draw fukase with fluctuates but hes never taller than piko, both of them are some flavor of transgender (i personally like unlabeled piko and intersex fukase), piko is mikis sibling and shes dating miku append, both of them are robots and id love to draw a double date at some point, i dont really have any mikippend headcanons but i love them sm too omg and i like to draw piko with funny little hologram windows he can acess the internet from and i think thats just kind of a robot thing robots can do :]

the only thing i can consider an au that i have with them is what i call "memesquad from the mirror dimension" or "seriousquad" which is this note on my phone where i wrote every single personality trait i could think of from talkloids i saw around 2018-2020 and reversed them heres what i wrote for fukase and piko

also AWWW TYYY thats so sweet yeaaaaaaah shipping vocaloids is all fun and games until you realize that unless your otp is from crypton you cant find SHIT about them, id love to have my blog seen as a little hub where all of us can sit around a campfire and chat about our silly ship omg 🥺

pikase being a rarepair baffles me specifically because of the memesquad, idk why but at least on my time on that side of the fandom some years ago it was always super hard to find any pikase stuff which always confused me since they're both In The Deam Memesquad. PERFECTLY good gay couple in there guys. why does no one see the vision. i vividly remember this one time i was like 13 reading a crack ask fic on wattpad and the only time pikase was even hinted at it was played off as a complete Joke and it made me so upset lmao

i only have around 40 followers here but it makes me so happy to see so many people that share my love for this ship, the rarepairness of it always made me feel so alone, back when i only used twitter there was 1 artist that Sometimes posted pikase stuff and that was all i had, genuenly i am willing to bet that im currently one of the only active pikase artist out there lmao, i say this in my bio but i made this blog to just get me to draw them more and be more shameless about MY FUCKING OTP and i genuenly never expected to see more than like 5 people on my notes, even if someone just silently likes and reblogs a drawing with no comment attached it still always makes me so warm inside even, ive gotten at least 2 people saying "OH MY GOD AN ACTIVE PIKASE BLOG" on my notes and i share the sentiment deeply. hell yeah. theres more of us out there >:D

[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes!

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask or DM @mrswhozeewhatsis! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Laili

Age: 38

Location: Gulf Coast, USA

URL: @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

Why did you choose your URL: I made a bunch of blogs at once and realized I wanted to make sure readers knew what the blog was about.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading. My imagination. Drawing. I was never big on reading “educational” books. I’m not a fan of Tolkien or C.S. Lewis. I don’t like wordy stories. I read each word and imagine everything I read in a deep detail and texture. I’ve always written and write stories when I can’t find the story I wanna read. I was always told to write the story you want to read. Sing the song you wanna hear. I only publish them because I know I’m not the only one interested. I can’t be. Why would I want to write it if it’s just for me? Someone else, even one other person, is interested.

How long have you been writing:  Most of my life. Writing fanfic since 2022.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc?  Reading fanfic. Stay-at-home-parent or -house person, illustrating for bangs and fests or friends, watching tv/movies, hanging out with friends.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom?  Since Supernatural the tv series came out in 2005.

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Moon Knight. Yes. The Boys. Yes. Highlander the series. Yes. Star Trek. No. Dark Angel. Yes. RPF. Yes. Medieval, fantasy dragon-focused stories. Want to. Futuristic and high magic stories. Want to. Urban fantasy. Yes. Modern AUs. Yes. Mortal Kombat: Conquest. No. Doctor Who. No.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? 

Poems, songs, and original fiction—usually urban fantasy, sci-fi fantasy, or similar. I have two novels I am working on. 

One is based on the A/b/o trope and how it’d affect humanity. It’ll follow a family. 

The other is an urban fantasy where a psychic woman meets an angel who has lost their faith in God and she guides him through her own day-to-day living back to God. I didn’t mean for it to become a religious fiction book. It was meant more as a supernatural romance but after discussing my idea with a friend, it’s how it went. 

As some with religious trauma, you’d think I wouldn’t write this. I’ve been more active on that novel than the other.

Favorite published author:  so many to choose from…. Christine Feehan, E.E. Cummings, Robert Frost, Robert Asprin, William Sears (NOT the doctor), Laurel K. Hamilton, Erma Bombeck, Berkeley Breathed, and more.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?:  

 I think all books make an impact but their degree depends on the reader. 

You’ll probably laugh but two of the first books that I can remember that I read…well, my Mom read to me so many, many times were “The Napping House” and “The Circus is Coming”. 

“The Napping House” by Audrey Wood, published in 1984. It was probably more on how she told the story and she always spoke with enthusiasm and energy to show how everyone experienced what was happening. The story is about a different sort of family who naps during a storm, and they all literally sleep and cuddle on one another but get awoken. Despite all the troubles and disturbances, they take it in stride and go outside to play together since it isn’t raining anymore. They rolled with the punches and kept being positive about it, not caring what caused all the issues to begin with. Blame didn’t matter. 

“The Circus is Coming” A picture parade by Hilary Knight, published 1978. It’s beautiful. The art is gorgeous and it’s out of print. It isn’t easy to find. It is a way to be in a fantasy world and live outside it. It shows you the wonderfully, gorgeous and exotic circus parade and the regular kids running alongside it. It has a “Barnum and Bailey’s circus” resemblance to me but true artwork in a book that anyone could see and touch. It’s very silly, very gorgeous, a wonderful imagination, and very realistic. It allows the reader a way to get away for a while and it’s so encompassing, both pages every time take up the art.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc):  fluffy, a/b/o, and smut. I love angst with my fluff or hurt/comfort. 

Favorite piece of your own writing: Imagine You’re Dating Vampire!Dean

Most underrated fic you have written:  Bedtime Routine. It's a kid fic and fluffy.

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Domestic Destiel #1 OR In The Mood

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s):  ​(not all of them but a lot) @spnexploration @zepskies @luci-in-trenchcoat @holylulusworld @moosekateer13 @riley-phoenix @impala-dreamer @malicmalic @zationao3 @sharkfish @redamber79 @butterflysklinky @quietwingsinthesky @destielshipper4cas @thoughtslikeaminefield @wigglebox @naughtystiel @niche-patische @wisteria-lodge @a-deed-without-a-name @valandrawrites @anyreiart @queerwolfsstuff @punk-is-notdead @almaasi @omegadeanlovesalphacas @no-gorms @lizleeships @envydeanwrites @nickelkeep @baconandpie1 @sitruunavohveli @peachonified @unforth @starlightoffandoms @seidenapfel (There are tons more not on Tumblr!)

Favorite fic from another writer:  Pack by @spnexploration​

Favorite character to write: Dean Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write:  Destiel

Least favorite character to write (and why):  “Evil” characters because it’s hard for me to understand them and write them well. I love a good bad guy, truly, especially when you don’t realize they’re the bad guy until it’s too late. Those are the best. The ones you love and break your heart.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? I guess K.M. Weiland since she has the website helpingwritersbecomeauthors.com and she explains all aspects of writing stories with examples, so much. It helps so much. ​

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing?   I want to be a published fiction writer on the NY Times Best Seller list. 

How many work-in-progress stories do you have:  lol! I had to make a list and counted, 94, that I have every intention to write. (This does not include the bingos I haven’t even touched yet or worked on.)

What are you currently working on?  Waiting for my beta on my Spn Sabriel Bang fic (to be posted August 11th). I’m working on an a/b/o series that leads to a polycule (destiel x reader).

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing?  My Mom. She’s the reason I haven’t kept writing when I would lose interest. Now, I can add so many fandom folks I met on discord or tumblr that have helped keep me going, especially when my depression starts getting to me. It helps so much. Thank you is not enough to say.

Best writing advice you've been given:  When you start writing, write what you know. Read and read and read but read good authors.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Depression. It lies and wants you to give up on everything. It makes you focus on yourself when you should be focused on those around you and your mutuals.  

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? Finishing. Stopping the plot bunnies from dominating my mind while I’m writing. 

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): Triggering aspects of mental health. I’m worried no one will want to read it. I’m worried I’ll end up triggering someone or myself as I write it. Well-written negative mental health episodes in stories have triggered me and I was surprised. I knew how to handle it because I have a lot of different coping skills I’ve been taught and practice but I recognize not everyone has that.

What inspires/motivates you to write:  Life. Other people’s creativity. Stories I want to read that no one has written yet. 

How do you deal with self doubt:  My family, friends and mutuals are huge ego and mood boosters. Taking a break does help and getting different perspectives on the situation or what’s going on can make a big difference.

How do you deal with writer's block: Change how I’m being creative. Instead of writing, I’ll draw or paint or do photography. My goal is to always be creative or artsy. It’s ok to do other things than write. 

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Honestly, it depends on how I come across the idea. I tend to do half and half. If I outline, it’s basic stuff and then I’ll write, sometimes I’ll go a different direction than my plot line which is acceptable. Just depends on where the characters wanna go.

Do you have any weird writing habits:  I write on my phone. lol! I also collect office supplies but I think that has more to do with being close to my dad whose trunk used to be his storage when he sold office supplies. 😊

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it?  Not for my fic writing that I can recall. Honestly, I ignore them. I will talk to close friends about it to help me process it and reduce my anxiety but I just ignore them and delete the comment.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic?  People asking me to write more, even on one shots. People telling me that they love it.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be?  ​

I have two and I can’t remember who said them.

Just write. It doesn’t matter what you write, just write.

Write the story you want to read. 

Those are two things I think of when I’m staring at blank paper or a blank screen and nothing comes to mind. That last is why I write what I write. Sometimes I don’t even know that’s the story I want to read until it’s done. 😊 

[the-6th-harbringer]

PLEASE READ

Hey. So. It's been a. while.

trigger warning: referenced suicide

So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.

This just happens to be my goodbye post.

I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.

SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.

On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.

Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys

NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:

@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]

@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3

@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D

@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go

Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too

Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.

Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.

(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)

[incorrectskyrimquotes]

you are officially the strongest person alive for not just closing the askbox after some of the trash you've gotten from idiots on this site. gdspeed and good luck holy hell

I've received a lot of asks like this one so I wanna respond and clarify

I actually love getting asks and even anon asks. I prefer having anon on bc yk big boy blog and all that but also so that people can send me their silliest things.

I really do truly genuinely enjoy having this blog and especially interacting w it. I've made a lot of friends recently and it's just fun to be able to talk ab the cringe failgame from a decade ago. Both for myself and in front of such a large audience.

Ever since I became aware I'm literally in the top 10 on skyrim blogs (at #9 but still) some of my anons started making a lot more sense. The power of anonymity makes people braver, which is good for things like funny headcanons and such.

I don't really like having to turn anon off and god I hope I don't have to shut asks off entirely. Fortunately once I turned anon off my inbox became a lot more peaceful. Funny that.

If I were to compare the two I'm sure I've gotten much more love than hate, but hate is much louder than love. And I know me giving it attention doesn't help much of anything but on the other hand people can and do throw around serious words about an unserious video game on unserious posts from an unserious person.

Even if I ignored all of it, just having to see it can feel so draining. And it isn't just in my inbox. It's also in the tags. I've repeatedly tried to express how deeply uncomfortable I am, AS A JEWISH PERSON OF COLOR, with people throwing words like racist and genocide around all willy nilly over video game characters.

It trivializes those real world issues, that have affected me, my ancestors, and people like me, down to fucking. Skyrim discourse. It's extremely frustrating. And from what I can see I don't think anyone is doing it maliciously or to get a rise out of me. But I think the sheer weight of those words has gotten lost.

And not to pull another race card, but this is especially upsetting from white people. I'm not thrilled about the fact white people keep talking over me and other people of color in the fandom about what is and isn't racist.

But I do also see the love. I see the cats in my inbox and the lovely asks and people writing paragraphs to defend me (when tbh I haven't done anything wrong anyways but. Eh.) and it's genuinely very touching and sweet and even if I don't reply to it (there's a lot to reply to!) I do see it and I appreciate it.

And for the poll, I fully plan on seeing it through. Round 2 closes tomorrow after which I'll set up round 3/the semi finals and then we go to the championship!

I started this poll, also this blog, for fun. I want people to have fun. I want to have fun. And most of the time I do have fun! But with the uptick in activity that brings *gestures vaguely* what it does.

Tumblr is one of those very few websites with true anonymity. This and reddit are the only ones I can think of where it's not expected to have your name, face, or other info about you anywhere. Which is a rare blessing on today's internet but it makes people very audacious about what they can and can't say to me.

I think because of that anonymity it's easy to forget I'm a human person. I very much doubt some of things I've had said to me in the last 48 hours would still be said if it was face to face. I truly don't think someone would look me in the eye and tell me to kill myself over skyrim bullshit.

And the funny part of that is if they did, I'd probably laugh in real life. For the sheer ridiculousness of the statement. "Hey. You. End your life because of video game drama" spoken to me at the local Target would be funny to me. But with the anonymity it feels just as hurtful as I'm sure it's supposed to be.

Thanks for letting me ramble and such. I'm not really even sure what I'm trying to say with all this. Other than I'm human, you're human, we're all humans, and we'd do well to remember that. Please just be nice to each other..

And be nice to me.

[prettymvgic]

my rules ; again, temporary until i figure out how to make them mobile friendly !

first of all, hi, i'm cici and thanks for taking the time to read these and wanting to write with me ! that means a lot to me. first things first, i do not tolerate any hate whatsoever. take your homophobia, your transphobia, your racist, your sexist ass off my blog. there's no room for you here !

now that we've taken care off that problem ...

i. i want to start out first with activity on both sides. i am the most RELAXED, most patient person - i do not care how quick or how slow you respond. i understand that as adults we are busy, we have real lives. i also understand that the muse isn't always there. so please never feel rushed and i hope you can treat with that same leniency.

ii.dropping threads is completely fine ! i don't mind it at all. if you just wanna message me and start something new, great ! if you don't feel like we are compatible enough to be writing partners - that's okay too. you are not pressured to write with me and please don't feel bad about it either. things happen, muse changes, and sometimes things just don't work out ; that is okay !

iii.i personally don't have any triggers ; when it comes to writing i stay pretty opened minded. with this being said, i do write some darker themes that others might not approve of, or might trigger others. i will tag everything properly when those types of writing arises. however, please do not shame me for what i write ; that will be an immediate block. i do not write smut, nothing against those who do, i personally just SUCK at it, i am god awful with detail and better with dialogue so smutting is not for me, i will be fading to black.

iv. banned fcs ; the only persons i don't have anyone that i won't write against ( except predators obviously ) but there are a few that i might be selective about : taylor swift, madelyn cline, olivia rodrigo, & cillian murphy. i may add to this list, but i hope not. i don't really try to ban any fcs because i feel like i'm here for the story not the faceclaim you're using.

v. sorry plotters ! i am more of a wing it type. send me whatever you're in the mood for and i'll reply. i feel like plotting really bores me. some pieces of the story, sure, but to plot the whole thing?? it just makes me feel like i'm writing it twice and i get bored very quickly so send me something random ! vi. i am a white female who does use faces of people of color. i educate myself every day to make sure that i don't write anything offensive or stereotypical. if something in my writing offends you, please, please come to me and let me fix it. the last thing i want to do is offend or hurt anyone !

that's pretty much it for me. i don't really have anything else but i'll add to these if i need to, please don't make me.

[omegamoo]

my ask is to tell me more about the whittled pantheon (i am lost and confused so ig this is an infodump request if you want!)

EEEHEHHEHRHEHEHEHEHREHAHRJA. hi! sorry infodumpijgabt the whittled pantheon is truly the best thing ever!!!

you can always find stuff here <- takes you to the explanations tag on my blog w other more coherent worldbuilding rambles! there’s also one specifically about iota but admittedly that one’s a mess haha

and i’m putting this under the cut uhhh yeah i’m soooo normal abt this. this is so long read as much or as little as you please

n e ways. whittled pantheon speedrun. it’s a group project that started with a bunch of my friends fuxking around on minecraft but became so much more. tgm, twig, and i are p much the only ones still working on it as it’s been well over a year, and we plan on making it into a webcomic of sorts! it’s no longer mc at all and rn we don’t have a lot of prose/comics actually written but i’m working on it (a friend was like can i read it and i was like well. haha u can read disconnected shit but…)

ANYWAYS. the story itself centers around eleven gods/demigods :] they’ve been carved (for the most part) by a being named the Carver, who is part of a species that’s supposed to activate life-supporting gods called “failsafes” to each planet, but this one branches out and carves other gods instead.

broadly the story is about the good/bad nature of humanity, love, grief/loss, healing, immortality, moral compasses, and it’s a bit of commentary on the world as we know it today. ha

there are two main planets - the ones where gods are originally carved, and the one they flee to when the first one is ruined. here is a post i made a bit ago about some of the planet/universe worldbuilding if u want details

the story is told by two of the gods mostly in hindsight, but also by snapshots/comics of the gods and writings that they/various mortals left behind. we’re working on sorting out how much will be folk stories and such

also the world has its own language setup, map, regions of trade/climate, seasons/calendar… can you tell we think abt this a lot haha

anyways. the plot is multilayered due to the fact that it started as an mcrp server and now there are many gods doing many things, so uh hmm not going to be giving u a plot synopsis on this post bc that would be a hot mess and too long!! but maybe l8er maybe i’ll make another cast list in a minute tho and u can ask for details idk idk i don’t wanna keep rambling for too long ha. ha

[4ragon]

I posted 12,562 times in 2022

That's 214 more posts than 2021!

135 posts created (1%)

12,427 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lavendercooky

@koi-janai

@grandpom

@gladiolus---amicitia

@elusivemellifluence

I tagged 4,841 of my posts in 2022

#ace attorney - 1,436 posts

#video - 1,025 posts

#apollo justice - 394 posts

#phoenix wright - 356 posts

#klavier gavin - 343 posts

#pokemon - 321 posts

#miles edgeworth - 298 posts

#klapollo - 259 posts

#trucy wright - 200 posts

#tales of - 199 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I’m still replaying aa4 and just finished the second case and am starting turnabout serenade! I know its not a super popular case for fans since it gets really repetitive but i still find it immensely funny for a laundry list of reasons (i promise murder isnt one of them) do you have any headcanons on what klavier inviting trucy and apollo to his show was like?either for klavier or trucy and pollo!

I didn't realize people don't like Turnabout Serenade, I've always loved that case! It's so much fun. Ah well, to each his own.

59 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#4

Fixing Dual Destinies

an-android-child

I'm thinking about learning how to code and just taking matters into my own hands. As someone that has similar opinions to me, what changes would you think would be necessary? I want to keep the outline of the cases similar.... Maybe change a few if necessary. Where would you start if you could? How the plot would be changed? You don't have to answer this btw

Ha.

You don’t have to answer, they say. You fool. You have activated my trap card.

And by that I mean someone asked me about Fixing Dual Destinies in response to This Post and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for 24 hours.

I was actually thinking about this just the other day! I’d already started writing up a post, but that was more about fixing both 3D games, and involved putting SoJ earlier into the timeline and requires a WHOLE lot of restructuring, and since that’s not what you’re asking, I’m going to shelve that for now. This is about Dual Destinies. For the purposes of this thought exercise, we are going to keep a direct shot from AA:AJ to AA:DD. I can ramble about fixing SoJ another day.

So. Let’s get started.

See the full post

73 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

#3

117 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#2

preferred social media of every aa character u wanna do ?

Oh god I am not the right age demographic to know what social medias there are in the world, BUT at the very least, I know in my heart of hearts that Phoenix Wright still uses Facebook. Even by 2028 and Facebook is basically nonexistent, he's still using Facebook the way that a grandmother still uses Facebook. Fortunately his phone still doesn't have internet so he doesn't have access to social media a lot.

Miles also doesn't really use social media, but he's weirdly big on LinkedIn? He also technically has a Twitter, but that's mostly Kay trying to get him into Twitter. He follows like several legal-adjacent accounts and several Steel Samurai fan twitters and he tweets in the way that a grandmother would tweet.

127 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So I just reblogged another aa fanfic masterlist, and that seemed like a cool idea. SO, since so many people are migrating to here from Twitter (and especially since this is the only place where my name doesn't match my AO3 account) I thought should put a list of my AA fics together! (I'd do the other fandoms but I don't think I'd have a substantial enough list)

So here's the JJ Ace Attorney fanfic masterlist:

Long Fics -

The Miraculous Disappearance Of Phoenix Wright (107,213 words)

Phoenix Wright wakes up in a world where he never existed. What will he do when he's trapped in a world where everything he's ever loved is gone? Minor narumitsu. My first AA fic, and the fic that got me back into writing for the first time since I was a shitty teenager.

(Also please read the tags, this one has some heavy subject matter and a LOT of spoilers)

Singderella (28,103 words)

Apollo decides to try his hand at a singing contest, held by a certain ex-rockstar, for a chance to win some runner-up money. He didn't want to win the dang contest. And he sure as hell didn't want to become Klavier Gavin's mysterious disappearing muse. This one is Klapollo and this one's Silly As Hell.

Vacation All I Ever Wanted (111,197 words)

Six lawyers and a magician spend a week at the beach. One condo. Six lawyers. Seven secret plans. What could possibly go wrong? Established narumitsu, getting-together klapollo, platonic Athena and Simon, and Trucy Wright in all her glory. (Also has some AA4 and 5 spoilers)

also @/ministarfruit drew me fanart and it made me cry

Shorter Klapollo fics -

See the full post

134 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shooter-nobunagun]

//*pulls self out from coffin*

//J/k this blog was never really dead but it's really quiet; I just recently (finally) posted a new one-shot, and I really, honest-to-god am still working for my ongoing long stories (like I promise the drafts are still there and every few months I write like...1-2 sentences):

Divine Intervention

Hunt or be Hunted

While I post individual chapters here, I would strongly recommend checking out my AO3 if you want a better format/archive. (also they allow pron yay)

Some other shorter-but-ongoing stories are also still WIP; admittedly I cannot promise I have much of a plan for those except that I'll get around to them if/when I have new ideas...a few of my fics I actually am in the process of re-writing just b/c so much time has passed since I started vs now I feel I've matured more as a writer, and some of the content was...kinda amateurish. As always one-shots pop up whenever I get inspired (read: when I get a particularly hot skeb commission lmao)

(you don't wanna know how many drafts I've started and then just stopped b/c the initial idea just wasn't as strong as I thought)

On a side note, while this blog is still 'officially' retired for roleplay, for certain, specific reasons, I will revive (somewhat) bits and pieces of it as time and circumstances allow; i.e., I am not accepting long threads/ongoing plots, nor do I have the wherewithal to revive and update Sio's bio/interactions/etc. but I think it may be fun to poke around here and there depending on circumstances.

(aka I might just drop some asks and/or small bits but I don't have the time or brainpower for long threads; sorry)

But do know the asks are always open regardless if it's RP related or not; I actually still check my main @celebistar on a daily basis so if I don't respond here you can poke my main.

Honestly I feel bad I haven't been writing as much...this year has been strangely more challenging than I've expected, especially given similar circumstances last year; on one hand it sucks to have to deal with insomnia/anxiety but on the other I do feel I've learned alot more about myself and grown as a result, so no great loss with out some gain? Right now things are much better so I'm grateful for that, but I look back on the calendar and I'm like man, how long has it been since I last wrote something substantial? That's not even to say my drawing....

Anyway; I suppose the tl;dr: is

i swear to mother-fucking god I am still invested in my long-haul fics

i might dabble again in some lite-RP activities

If you're still following me and reading my stuff from like 10 years ago, or even if you only recently discovered my stuff then I have nothing but love and gratitude xoxo - Kayu

[dragonofthestone]

Get To Know Me

Tagger: Taken from @bidotheuncanny

Name: Dragon

Pronouns: She or They is fine

Most Active Muses?- Even counting my other blogs honestly Tim - (Trying to boot the others to be more active heh)

RP PET PEEVES

My knee jerk reaction is just to like point to my friends/fellow rpers and go "What they said" lol since quite frequently honestly things I'll see others bring up I pretty much tend to agree with (to some degree or another)

Like if you are looking for hyper specfic personal peeves can't say anything comes to mind beyond the more I guess Common/expect.

God modding,

mis/lack of communication, which look hands up and full admittance been on both sides at times and I get it. It's hard. I fully acknowledge my own flaws and failings in that area. I feel like I've improved but there's always room to be better and I'm trying to be. I Want to be and do better.

and by no means am I even expecting like perfect communication either just gotta try your best ^.^ No judgement here.

LEVEL OF RP EXPERIENCE

So.. so much, been doing this for so long. At times it doesn't feel like a lot and I realize I'm probably just way to harsh of a judge on myself, but I also just always no that although I've come very far from my earliest rp beginnings there's still so much I can improve on and hope to improve on you know.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?

Honestly pretty open to anything, From light hearted fun to more complex feelings and situations. Gimme it all. Not generally one for smut (That would actually involve this man gets in a relationship first lol) but like if someone was interested I'd be open to at least discussing things but generally not my thing, not something I'd initiate you know- find most other scenarios far more fun to explore anyway.

He's a very versatile lad most of the time.

PLOTS OR MEMES?

Both. Love em both, I have had great stuff come off from just playing around in memes but plotting can be a lot of fun too, doesn't even have to be deep plotting, the plotting could simply consist of yelling "Hey what if X happened" or something you know. Plotting def can help build and move things you know especially if you're stuck, but I've had a lot of fun with memes and otherwise just winging it you know

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?

Again both. Really depends, sometimes I want to do something lengthy but can only manage short and quick other times I plan on short and then it gets long you know (and if it means in terms of feelings on receiving I'm cool with both I don't expect for someone to always be able to write the same amount as me - so long as its enough for us both to work with is all cool)

TIME TO WRITE?

*shrug* Never timed myself, can be pretty quick and I always feel awful when I let things sit- ngl also can be more motivated to reply based on if the person is online, if friend is online I just wanna rp faster (no so much because I expect a response just brain goes brrrr knowing they'll be on to see it at the very least and just excited cause friend you know )

Or does it me what time do I write at? Idk anytime in the day usually evenings tho.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE?

Maybe?? Like not intentionally made to be like me but I can't say there aren't some elements taken from me / my own personal experience sorta but I'd still say we are far more different then alike

TAGGING:

Whoever wants to go forth, you see it do it ^.^

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

Are you there, recovery? It's me, relapse.

Welp. Got my ass back in AlAnon. Really, if I'm being fair to myself, I never left recovery. Basically since February of 2016, I'm been clawing and scraping my way to a healthier life.

February 2016: Joined AlAnon, attended 1-4 times weekly for 14 months. November 2016: Started weekly, then biweekly, then monthly therapy for 3.5 years. April 2017: Quit AlAnon (still deeply in therapy) February 2020: Went back into AlAnon, attended for a few months, then Zoom AlAnon died out. April 2020: "Graduated" from therapy (knew I needed a female therapist to work on sex trauma) and Zoom therapy sucked. May 2020: Started meditating ~sometimes, still going! August 2021: Tried AlAnon in new city, only attended a few meetings. September 2021: Started 200 hour yoga teacher training, finished in February. January 2022: Started biweekly therapy with sex trauma therapist, still going strong. June 2022: One-month sabbatical from my partner. November 2022: Back in 3rd city AlAnon, 2-4 times weekly, now living with my mother (temporarily?)

Meanwhile I've read a kajillion books and articles, listened to so many podcasts, attended numerous trainings, and have had a million conversations with people in an effort to deepen my authenticity and connections. I really am healing. I went back on my primary blog to see if I wrote about why I quit and gee whiz did my attitude suck. My attitude sucks now but not nearly as bad.

But ok, yeah, so here I am journaling. Because I don't want to do therapy AT my relationships, my actual therapist can only do so much (especially if I spend the whole session just regurgitating stuff to feel Heard when I could process here), and I have a lot to work through. I know that writing does a lot of good for memory and behavioral activation, especially after I flood myself with new information. I need to synthesize, process, rehearse, plan, set goals, and check in on myself.

It turns out I'm still deeply codependent with my partner, I rarely experience confidence, I experience deep shame most of the time that I open my mouth, I take personal responsibility for how people feel about me and around me, and if I'm being honest, I have flippant suicidal thoughts a little too often. I quickly spiral into despair, overwhelm, and hopelessness. It's possible the reasons I feel so terrible after dancing, talking, drinking, sharing, or having sex is because most of those are spontaneous, vulnerable expressions of myself and I feel like I am gross, bad, and wrong at my core. I only feel "confident" when I followed rules or a script well.

Financially I would like to stay with my mom a while longer, or maybe move in with my BFF, but I have a savings account and this might be a season of my life that requires drawing on it. Even though I have spent so much on teacher training, my master's certificate that I never finished, and my car might die soon. I want to hoard my safety net. My breathing gets tight when I think about money and the future.

However, I know I need to live alone. I'd like to find a nice little studio or one-bedroom here in my family's town, but I might go live in the big city with my other BFF if she separates from her partner, too. I need to figure out how much it'll cost to break the lease in our current place in Nowhere. God money stresses me out. This wasn't supposed to be a planning post but clearly I'm preoccupied.

I have a racial justice meeting in 30 minutes that I want to want to do, but I mostly want to flake. It asks a lot of me and exposes vulnerabilities and that's why I should lean in and grow through them, do my exposure therapy, but oooh the temptation of cancelling plans.. I know I usually feel better when I do things. God but I was up at 3:30am for work.. but also be the change you want to see in the world (and yourself) and I wanna be the kind of person who shows up. But boundaries! But sometimes self care is doing the hard thing...

I dunno man. I'm scared. I feel small and bad and overwhelmed and a little alienated. I have fabulous people in my life, I do. I have so much ego to dissolve, though. I also wanna explore at some point if my gratitude and encouragement practices are actually fawning or attachment/unhelpful ego reflections, versus actual non-violent communication offerings.

I'd like to write here at least weekly, maybe to discuss what I learn in therapy, in AlAnon, or do some structured journal prompts from all the things I've learned. I'd like an AlAnon sponsor once I know where I'll be. I'd like to read my daily literature at least every-other day, and meditate most days. I liked going to my mom's exercise class, she has a WiiFit, I always love going to my friends' in-person yoga classes, tis the season for indoor YouTube yoga too, and there's a walking track here I can use. I also found out I love hiking int he cold, as long as I'm dressed appropriately. I'm so grateful my car is still going - it's an anchor in a period that feels like homelishness.

I am good, I think. I do think I belong here, probably. Affirmations don't feel right and I'm very confused but I'm gonna keep trying and showing up. Ugh and I'll probably do that racial justice thing tonight too. It's about faith, so that'll be neat.

Future Me, I hope I'm doing ok. I hope you're doing ok. I'm sorry for my imperfections; please love me, understand me, forgive me. I'm trying to get there, but I'm also trying to enjoy here. We've been so cruel to Past Me and I want us all to be good, be ok, be whole. Be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease - you know? Thank you for looking out for me. We can do this, because others have and others will, and we belong with them. We belong. Everything is fine. All of it was good, right?

[saintslaughter-a]

its chewsday innit