#but given how many projects i currently have that might be a lil while

[waterfallofspace]

Hiii! Your wavs are so good! Will you be making more JJK/BNHA wavs? I would love to see your take on Megumi or Pro Hero Deku! 💞

Aww, thank youuu!~ 😭🥰

I do plan to make more, yes!! I quite enjoy the wav making process, even if I'm still building my actual abilities for it~ I'd love to give (adult) M/egumi or Pro-Hero D/eku a try!~

If there's anything specific you'd like to see, feel free to send something in~ Otherwise I'll just see what I can come up with on my own!~ Either way, I'd be happy to give them a shot.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

(  ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you 

[r3dmare]

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙨 // 𝙟.𝙨𝙪𝙝 . 𝙋𝙏 𝙊𝙉𝙀- 𝙃𝙤𝙩 𝙊𝙣𝙚𝙨

-> 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗆𝗈𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝗂𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 (𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽: 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁) 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗂𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗂𝗅𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗍... 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍?

-> 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 𝗌𝗎𝗁 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆𝖺𝗅𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 , 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗈𝗋!𝖺𝗎 , 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍: 𝟨.𝟤𝗄

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇��𝖾𝗋𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍, 𝖻𝖺𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗉𝗈𝗉𝗎𝗅𝖺𝗋 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝘂𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗼𝘀, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝘅, 𝖺𝗌 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗼𝗰𝗱, 𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗃𝗈𝗁𝗇𝗇𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗒/𝗇 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗈𝗅𝖾𝗌.

-> 𝖺 𝖧𝖴𝖦𝖤 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝗒 𝖻𝗎𝖻 𝗇𝗂𝗄𝗄𝗂 ( @sehunniepot ) 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾 𝖾𝖽𝗂𝗍, 𝖾𝗇𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍. 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗇 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗍 ❥

-> 𝖳𝖠𝖦𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 (𝗁𝗆𝗎 𝗍𝗈 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇!) : @sehunniepot @pimpnameyannie

Johnny Suh Teases Y/N L/N While Eating Spicy Wings

SEAN: Hey, what’s going on everybody? For ‘First We Feast’, I’m Sean Evans, and you’re watching Hot Ones!

the camera angles shifts from sean to a shot of the table. he is sitting across johnny and y/n, who are smiling at each other while sean introduces the video. they quickly break their gaze and look at sean.

SEAN: It’s the show with hot questions, and even hotter wings.

the camera pans directly to johnny and y/n.

Y/N: *whispering, excited* He said the thing, oh my gosh.

SEAN: Today we are joined by Johnny Suh and Y/N L/N!

the video cuts to photos of johnny.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: He rose to fame through his YouTube channel and his acting career took off through a number of indie films. Since then, he has been the face of several Hollywood blockbusters.

the video cuts to photos of y/n.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: She’s an Emmy award winning actress well-known for a number of TV roles—most notably for her starring role in the HBO series, ‘Obsession.’

the video cuts to photos of them both.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Their latest work is the critically acclaimed film, ‘Day Dream,’ currently in theatres.

the video cuts to the camera pointed at johnny and y/n.

SEAN: Y/N L/N, Johnny Suh, welcome to the show.

Y/N: Thank you for having us.

JOHNNY: Thank you, we’re happy to be here!

the camera shifts to a shot of the table. johnny sits on the outside, but y/n’s chair is pulled very close to his. their arms are practically overlapped.

SEAN: I’m excited, viewers are excited—we’ve had so many requests to have you two on the show.

y/n beams, excitedly gesturing between herself and the table with her hands. johnny stares at her, smiling.

Y/N: It’s literally a dream come true—I love this show, I’ve seen all the episodes—I feel like this is the true mark of success.

JOHNNY: She’s been talking about this nonstop since we found out we’d be on.

y/n swats his arm.

SEAN: It’s okay—we’re all stoked to have you here! But the question is: can you two handle the spice?

JOHNNY: I’m pretty confident about it.

Y/N: That isn’t saying much, you’re confident about everything…

JOHNNY: She actually really loves spicy food. She can handle it.

Y/N: I do love it…but I’m not trying to fuck it up by saying I’m good at managing it, though.

SEAN: Well, I have a feeling you two will do great.

it cuts to the intro—shots of the hot sauce bottles, as well as the logo for the show.

the camera is back on y/n and johnny.

JOHNNY: Ready?

Y/N: Always.

the two tap their wings together, as if clinking glasses, and take bites.

the hot sauce and its spice level is shown.

JOHNNY: Shit, these are really good. Nice flavor.

Y/N: Can I eat the whole thing? I’m hungry.

SEAN: Yeah, of course.

johnny laughs at y/n proceeding to dig into the wing.

SEAN: So, you two are very successful at a young age. Johnny, you’ve been vlogging for years, and Y/N, you got your start with small roles in TV shows, and now have an Emmy. Are you surprised about how quickly you achieved so much in the span of a few years?

johnny nods at y/n, letting her go first, smiling fondly at her and watching. the camera pans to y/n.

Y/N: Y’know… yeah. *laughs* I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t absolutely insane and overwhelming. I went from a few lines in shows to starting an HBO series? With a fucking Emmy? I never expected to get that role or any of this and I’m still confused about it. Acting… all this, it’s my life. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was a kid, and I’m so, so grateful for how far I’ve come. *laughs* I don’t know how anyone let me get here, though.

JOHNNY: *exasperated* Oh, c’mon, Y/N. You’re a star.

SEAN: It’s definitely well deserved. Johnny?

the camera settles on johnny, who pulls his gaze away from y/n to look at sean. y/n keeps her eyes on johnny, a soft expression on her face.

JOHNNY: I started out just as a kid with a camera. I grew up wanting to act, wanting to sing, and being very into photography and visuals. My channel started out as me just talking or doing stuff with my friends and it grew bigger than I could’ve imagined. I’m beyond lucky for how far I’ve come—and to get to direct and produce a lot of my projects is great.

SEAN: Speaking of, my next question for you is actually about your experience in the production of films. How does directing and producing have an affect on you now as an actor? Even for projects like ‘Day Dream,’ where you aren’t taking a role in production.

johnny runs a hand through his hair, nodding.

JOHNNY: *pauses then laughs* Shit, did I get sauce in my hair? I hope I didn’t.

y/n leans closer to him, and he lowers his head to her level. she runs his fingers through his hair, and shakes her head.

Y/N: Nah, you’re good.

SEAN: Just be careful around the eyes!

Y/N: *fangirling* AH, I knew you were going to say that—fuck, sorry… big fan.

SEAN: *laughing* You’ve seen a bit, then?

Y/N: Totally. Oh, sorry Johnny—interrupted.

JOHNNY: Don’t you always?

johnny laughs, and y/n pouts in response.

JOHNNY: Just messing around, don’t worry. But, yeah, I actually like this question a lot. Honestly, it gives a whole other dimension to the experience. I think that we—as actors—always invest love and care into our work because we want it to be the best it can be. We all come in wanting to do well for not only ourselves but for production. Like, we already know how big of a job it is for them, how hard it is but when you’ve been there, it’s different. You start to look at things you wouldn’t notice before and it’s almost like you’re hyper-aware of many more facets of shooting than you normally would think about—and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Y/N: *musing* No, it’s not.

JOHNNY: It gives you more drive.

SEAN: Totally. And I’ve seen your work— you’ve pulled off so many different roles, but I think how you executed the filmmaking was even more impressive.

JOHNNY: *grinning* Thanks, man. That means a lot.

the next sauce is shown, as well as it’s scoville level.

the camera cuts back to them, biting into the wings.

Y/N: I don’t taste much of a difference in the sauce…is my palate broken?

JOHNNY: Wouldn’t be surprised… weirdo.

Y/N: Oh, fuck off.

SEAN: It creeps up on you, but then it piles on all at once.

Y/N: Are you even fazed by it anymore, Sean?

SEAN: You’d think I’m more used to the hotter ones, but it still gets me sometimes.

Y/N: It doesn’t show.

johnny looks over at y/n’s wing and scoffs, jokingly.

JOHNNY: Damn, Y/N, at least clean the bone better.

Y/N: *frowning* I don’t wanna mess up my makeup.

SEAN: So, Y/N, this is your first movie. How does the filming differ from TV—is it any harder or easier? Do you have a preference and how have you felt through the process?

Y/N: It’s not that different—for me, anyway, I don’t know what others might say. I was so stoked to get this, especially because the concept for the film is pretty different to most of the romcoms I’ve seen in the past. Not as cheesy—it feels like a real romance. In fact, it felt—well, not easier, because, like, with ‘Obsession’ I’m so comfortable with my role and my cast but it was kind of the same here. Being with Johnny was great because I’ve known him for so long and it felt natural to be working with him.

johnny is, yet again, staring and smiling at her. you can almost see the hearts in his eyes.

SEAN: Johnny, did you feel similarly?

JOHNNY: *snapping out of it to look at sean* Of course. Y/N’s been in my life for what seems like forever and I was even more excited about taking the role when I found out she’d be doing it with me. She said it best—it was natural.

the next sauce is shown.

they all bite into the wings.

SEAN: How we feelin’?

Y/N: This one’s got a ‘lil kick to it, but it’s still pretty mild. I love this flavor.

JOHNNY: Yeah, this one’s my favorite so far, flavor-wise.

SEAN: We have some for you guys to take home, don’t worry.

Y/N: Oh, you’re the best.

SEAN: Kind of going off where we were, the internet is raving about your chemistry.

the two laugh, y/n looking slightly shy.

SEAN: You mentioned it was easy to star together, given your friendship. Was there anything, though, that was particularly hard?

unseen on the camera, johnny rests his hand on y/n’s thigh under the table, in a casual manner. she stiffens slightly, then relaxes as he speaks.

JOHNNY: For this project, I mean, Y/N was perfect. She executed the role of Audrey beautifully and when you have someone who just knows exactly how to play their part, it makes shooting feel more immersive and intimate. She’s just perfect.

Y/N: *beaming* I feel the same about you—you played Chris flawlessly.

johnny thanks her, and rubs circles onto her thigh with his thumb.

Y/N: For my first film, I’m beyond happy I got to do it with him. He’s been in my life for years, like, we met when we were twenty, and I just felt… everything was, like, comfortable, and easy, and safe. Gotta be real, though, the sex scenes were weird.

SEAN: *laughing* Oh?

JOHNNY: *bewildered* Are we going there?

Y/N: *shrugs* I mean… is that okay? Can I not say that?

SEAN: No, you can. We don’t bleep cussing on here, so I think it’s fine.

Y/N: I won’t share all the gory details.

JOHNNY: I don’t mind.

johnny is smirking, and looking intently at y/n. she tries not to falter under his gaze.

Y/N: *laughs* It was just kind of bizarre to see him like that? I mean, it’s my job, it wasn’t a big deal, I kept my professionalism, but was it strange? Absolutely.

y/n laughs nervously.

JOHNNY: I didn’t think it was that weird.

Y/N: *sarcastic* Yeah, okay. For real, though, it was my first sex scene, I was nervous, and he made me feel protected and comfortable… *quietly, cutely* Thank you for that.

JOHNNY: *fondly* You’re welcome. Yeah, I’m messing around, it was a little odd…but my goal was to make her comfortable. Our crew is great, of course, but it’s notoriously harder for women in the industry than it is for men. I care about her, I just want her to be okay.

SEAN: It really is. I’m glad you two were comfortable during all that.

y/n is looking down, biting her lip as she smiles.

the next sauce shows up on screen.

the camera shows the table as they all take a bite.

Y/N: Ooh.

johnny and sean laugh.

SEAN: Is this one harder?

JOHNNY: It’s a bit hotter.

Y/N: Nothing unmanageable, though. It’s kind of… fruity?

SEAN: It has mango in it.

JOHNNY: I think it really adds to it, it’s nice.

SEAN: So, something I wanna ask you two is about music. Johnny, I know you’re a great singer, and have been interested in music for a long time, being in musicals. And Y/N, you’ve contributed songs to the ‘Obsession’ soundtrack— you’re very musically talented as well. Tell me—do either of you have any musical plans for the future? And who has inspired you, musically?

JOHNNY: *laughing* Thanks, man, I appreciate that. Uh, honestly, I grew up listening to such a wide range of music. I definitely have plans to create my own music down the line… but I can’t really say when. I’m focused on acting right now, y’know? But it’ll be sooner than you think. As far as musical influences… God, it’s all over the place.

Y/N: You love Coldplay.

JOHNNY: Yeah, they’re my favorite artist. I like so many genres… *absentminded* Y/N showed me a lot of stuff, too.

y/n grins, patting johnny’s hand.

Y/N: Yeah! We would just share airpods between takes and listen to music… It was nice.

SEAN: I heard you two also fell asleep a lot on set.

they both laugh hard.

Y/N: We did—it was like a running joke. Jaehyun and Yerim—they were also in the film—always took pictures and teased us.

johnny laughs again.

Y/N: Oh! Yeah, to answer your question… to be honest, I was surprised that they asked me to do a song. I knew Kyungsoo would be—I mean, everyone’s heard his voice. He’s a god, he’s good at fuckin’ everything. But I think he, Jongin and Sehun tattled on me to the execs, because they heard me singing in my trailer. I work with such assholes. *laughs* I’m joking… but, yeah! It was pretty cool… I didn’t even know I was capable of sounding that good. I don’t wanna sound like I’m bragging—I was just surprised when I heard the track. And people liked it! I would definitely consider—

johnny is staring intently at y/n, who has sauce on the corner of her mouth. while she’s speaking, he reaches out to grab her chin with one hand and uses the thumb on his other hand to wipe the sauce. sean feels as if he’s interrupting a private moment, and y/n falters, cutting off.

Y/N: *speaking to johnny as if the two are in their own little word* -did I have sauce?

johnny licks the thumb with the sauce on it, casually, nodding.

JOHNNY: Yeah, just a little.

SEAN: *laughing* Do you like this one that much?

JOHNNY: *smiling, speaking lowly* Yeah it has… a nice flavor. *his demeanor changes quickly, smoothly, his tone becoming light-hearted* It’ll probably get worse from here though, right?

y/n is internally malfunctioning, but masks it. it worsens when he places his hand back secretly on her thigh. her heart is hammering in her chest and she resists the urge to aggressively bounce her leg. she’s SO into him, and he’s fueling the flame. unbeknownst to her, he is definitely flirting.

SEAN: Most definitely.

the fifth sauce pops up, as well as the scoville level.

they all take bites, and y/n smiles.

Y/N: Yeahhh, y’know, this one is… hot.

SEAN: Are you doing okay?

Y/N: Oh, hell yeah. It’s good. All of these have such great flavors—I’m excited to take the sauces home.

JOHNNY: I know she’s gonna cook something with it as soon as she gets home.

SEAN: You’ll have to send me what you do. You like to cook?

JOHNNY: *quickly, beating y/n to answering* Dude, she’s an amazing cook.

Y/N: *embarassed* I’m okay… I really love to cook though. *laughing* Wife me up.

johnny smiles slightly at that.

Y/N: One of our friends, he’s a rapper, Mark Lee?

SEAN: Yeah! He’s great, I’ve met him.

JOHNNY: I love that kid.

Y/N: Yeah, I’m pissed at him. He was noticed by Gordon Ramsey.

johnny is cracking up, and sean smiles.

SEAN: I think I heard about that.

Y/N: Yeah, a fan tweeted a picture of Mark’s shitty scrambled eggs at him, saying it was her boyfriend. And he fucking told her to break up with him. *laughing hard* I mean, I’m just jealous, because I love Gordon Ramsey and would love to be noticed by him.

SEAN: Gordon, if you’re watching this, Y/N is dying to meet you.

y/n shakes her head, shy.

JOHNNY: She’s too much of a shy little wimp for that.

Y/N: Is today shit on Y/N day? Goddamn…

SEAN: So, we have a segment on the show we like to call ‘Explain That Gram’. Basically, we just take pictures from your Instagram that need more context.

Y/N: I love this.

a staff member brings a laptop to sean.

SEAN: We’ll start with Johnny?

JOHNNY: Bring it.

the screen shows a photo from johnny’s instagram. y/n and johnny can be heard laughing their asses off at the picture shown.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: So, this is you and Ten Lee, the dancer and model, who you’re close friends with. Can you explain *laughs* what’s going on here?

the screen goes back to the camera pointed at johnny. he’s laughing with his head in his hands and y/n is suppressing her laughter.

JOHNNY: *clearing his throat and composing himself* Yeah, so that’s Ten. *he laughs more*

Y/N: God, I love Ten. I miss him.

JOHNNY: Yeah, he’s great. One of my very best friends. So basically, I was visiting him at his home in Thailand. He was supposed to come to Chicago, actually, but his schedule got packed at the last moment. But I had an idea to take photos in front of a greenscreen, wear ‘I Love Chicago’ shirts, and put images of city landmarks behind us.

Y/N: That doesn’t look like Chicago, John.

JOHNNY: Well, that one’s a wave. That one was just funny.

a photo of from y/n’s instagram is shown on screen. once again, they all burst out laughing.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Here you are, wearing a dinosaur head. Could you give the context?

the camera is on y/n.

Y/N: *smiling* God, my face hurts… fuck, you know how to pick them, huh?

SEAN: That’s the game!

Y/N: Uh, well, Johnny actually took this photo.

JOHNNY: *grinning* Yup.

Y/N: You see, what happened was… we were in Walmart with our friend Seulgi, and I found a dinosaur head. And because I’m a literal child, I thought it would be hilarious to pretend to be a dinosaur and chase them around. It was an action shot.

another photo pops up on screen, again from y/n’s instagram.

SEAN, VOICEOVER: Here you two are getting on a plane. Can I ask what you’re doing here, Johnny?

the camera pans to johnny, who is grinning.

JOHNNY: We were actually boarding the plane to go visit my parents in Chicago. It was a few days after we wrapped up filming—

Y/N: —I have to interject before he lies about what was really happening. Here is concrete proof that Johnny bullies me. Little shit.

JOHNNY: *staring into the camera* I was not bullying her. She was already making us late, and I was trying to board the plane, not pose for selfies.

Y/N: … Honestly, all I heard was you saying you were bullying me.

SEAN: *laughing* You were running late, Y/N?

JOHNNY: She’s always running late.

Y/N: Well— *hesitates* unfortunately, I can’t dispute that.

both johnny and sean laugh, as does the crew behind the cameras.

JOHNNY: That’s why she has me. I keep her on time.

Y/N: I don’t know why I keep you—pain in my ass. *she smiles, despite herself*

JOHNNY: We keep getting sidetracked. *laughs* But, yeah, we were going to stay with my parents for a week in Chicago. It was really great.

SEAN: You’re from Chicago, originally, right?

JOHNNY: Yup! Born and raised. I spent some summers in Korea, and I’ve always had a connection there—it’s where my parents grew up, it’s where they met, where my family is—but Chicago is always gonna be my true home.

Y/N: Honestly, it’s great there. I always have the time of my life when I visit—especially because Mr. and Mrs. Suh are amazing. I love them to death, and I’m always so grateful for how welcoming and loving they are.

they move on to the sixth sauce.

Y/N: So, this one is making my lips tingle. Not bad, though.

JOHNNY: Ooh, yeah, that’s a little bit hotter. ‘S good.

SEAN: So, let’s talk about ‘Day Dream’. The film, as well as your characters, Audrey and Chris, and their journey through love, mental illness, and success has been captivating audiences worldwide. What drew you two to the film? Did you feel connected to your characters, and were there any parts of the film that were particularly hard to film?

Y/N: You first.

JOHNNY: As soon as my manager explained the premise and Chris’ character, I was hooked. Of course, I didn’t understand the complexity and intensity of our characters yet—but something was instantly so interesting and captivating. *he pauses* Chris was challenging for me—in a good way, of course. We have this guy who has so much going for him—but so much more holding him back. He’s really… going through it. He’s got serious, intense OCD, as well as depression. I didn’t want to fuck up my portrayal of him, or OCD, so I did a lot of research, and I reached out to people with OCD. I learned a lot. Honestly, though, he’s suffering. He’s struggling, and he wants someone to hold him together. He makes finding love his priority, he tries to make it the answer, to make Audrey the answer. He invests everything in her. I just wanted to make his mindset, his genuine and pure love for her… I wanted it to feel as real and human as it is, and for people to understand why he does what he does, why he says what he says. I’m being a little vague— *laughs* I just don’t want to spoil it. But, yeah, Chris is very important to me. I was absolutely honored to play him.

SEAN: It was very, very evident that you put thought and love into him, and to the film. I think you pulled it off seamlessly, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Thank you, man.

Y/N: *nudging him, reminding* Were there any parts harder to film than others?

JOHNNY: Oh, right! Sorry… ugh, I don’t want to spoil anything.

SEAN: You don’t have to answer it if you’re concerned about spoiling.

JOHNNY: Okay. Well, if you’ve seen the film, or even if you haven’t… there’s a scene near the end, where Chris is alone… you’ll know what I’m talking about. It was difficult.

SEAN: Y/N?

Y/N: Okay. *she exhales* Hopefully I can articulate this well. I was attracted to the film for the same reasons as Johnny. But… what really did it for me was reading the monologue I was given for my audition. I don’t wanna say what it is, since I guess we are a spoiler-free zone, but it was so raw and real. I just fell in love with Audrey, I really did. She’s an aspiring novelist, and she truly loves writing, and words, and feeling. Maybe it’s also one of her biggest flaws… but she can’t bring herself to write a feeling she doesn’t understand. That’s, like, her thing. Every emotion—every smile, every tear, she has to have felt it for it to mean something. That’s what broke my heart. Life has just beat her to death, and on top of everything she’s been through, after how numb she has been for most of her life, it’s like she craves that sort of pain, the heartbreak. She falls in love easily, and she wants the impending heartbreak as much as she fears it. She wants her muse. She wants someone to give her the pain she wants to write about. It’s really fucked up. But she meets Chris, and she invests her mind, her body, her soul into him—and she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. She’s as real to me as anyone else. She’s fucked up, she’s brilliant, she’s lovable, she’s mean, she’s extremely flawed—and I just love her for that. I didn’t want to just play her… I wanted to be her, to immerse myself in who she is. I want people to watch the film and forget they’re watching a film. I want them to live it, and for them to know and love Chris and Audrey the way we do.

JOHNNY: You made my response sound bad.

Y/N: Oh, shut up.

SEAN: You’re obviously very passionate about them—and it shows on screen, as well. I don’t imagine it’s easy to portray those situations, for either of you, but I can’t tell you enough how amazing you two did.

Y/N: Thank you so much. Awwh—I’m really touched by that.

JOHNNY: It means so much. We put our heart and souls into this.

SEAN: You’re welcome! It’s honestly Oscar worthy, in my eyes.

Y/N: Oh my God—I can’t even think about that… never in a million years would I think about getting an Oscar. John, though, I can see.

JOHNNY: *scoffs* You’re insane. You deserve one—Miss Emmy award.

she sticks her tongue out at him, and he smiles adoringly at her.

SEAN: Ready for the next sauce?

they move on to the next sauce.

Y/N: *biting into the wing, mouth full* Oh, fuck.

SEAN: Bad?

Y/N: *shaking head* No, just a… strange flavor? Not bad, but different.

SEAN: You two are really good with this stuff—usually people are sweating a bit by now.

JOHNNY: I grew up with spice. Korean food is hot.

SEAN: So, Y/N, I wanted to talk a little more about ‘Obsession’.

Y/N: Go for it.

SEAN: Rumor has it that filming for season three is coming up… can you confirm that?

Y/N: I don’t know if I can confirm it, but I will. *laughs* We’re supposed to do a read-through in a few weeks and I am scared shitless.

SEAN: Why is that?

JOHNNY: Can I just say—she regularly spoils the show for me. I’m scared shitless, as well, because I don’t want her to drop any bombs on me.

Y/N: *pouting, whiny* But Johnny, my mom gets mad if I spoil it.... and you’re my best friend.

johnny rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

SEAN: You’re notorious for spoiling—I’m surprised you haven’t spoiled the movie in this.

JOHNNY: I made her promise not to.

Y/N: Yeah. But, uh, I’m nervous about what the fuck is going to happen this season. I stay in close contact with production, and… I’ve heard it’s going to be insane. I love playing Mina, I love her to death… so I’m, like, fearing for her life and well-being. We all know Jongin’s character, Kai, is fucking stalking her, and she’s just… oblivious. It’s scary. And last season we started to find out about Kyungsoo’s character, D.O., and the skeletons in his closet…

SEAN: The show definitely doesn’t shy away from the disturbing.

Y/N: Right! It’s part of why I love it… even though it can get insane and terrifying, it’s addicting. And, God, it’s so crazy how well Kyungsoo and Jongin play their parts. It’s almost weird how Jongin is so good at what he does—especially since he doesn’t have a background in acting. It’s a challenging role.

SEAN: I agree—it’s very chilling at times. As for Mina, she seems very different from you.

Y/N: Oh, one hundred percent. She’s vulnerable in a way that I’m not familiar with, in a way that very few people are. Sometimes I wish I could shake her by the shoulders, because she’s an idiot, she’s purposely continuing to fuck up her life, and I want her to realize her worth… and to stop wasting her time with Kai. D.O. is better, even though he’s also batshit—and I can’t rave enough about Kyungsoo, my God. He’s a dream. He’s helped me adjust to the success, and helps me with my performance… We all know how perfect he is.

johnny had been listening intently the entire time, but frowned slightly when y/n raved about kyungsoo. his jealousy is shown on camera, albeit subtly.

SEAN: You know, we’ve had so many requests for you two on the show, as well. Jongin and Sehun as well.

Y/N: I never want to do an interview with Sehun—he’s a little shit and I refuse to compliment him. He bullies me more than Johnny does.

JOHNNY: *grinning* She’s lying, she loves him.

y/n shakes her head at the camera.

the next sauce is shown.

Y/N: Oh, this one is your sauce!

SEAN: Yeah, it’s one we made for this season. Ready?

they all bite into the wings.

JOHNNY: Oh, God… *he grabs his water and takes a sip*

y/n is coughing and has her nose scrunched.

SEAN: You guys okay?

Y/N: This hurts.

JOHNNY: Yeah, uh, this one is a bit of a leap.

y/n goes to scratch beside her eye, but johnny notices and quickly grabs her hand.

SEAN: Your eyes!

Y/N: *eyes wide* Oh, God, thank you… that would have been bad.

JOHNNY: Dummy.

SEAN: Johnny, you’re one of the most followed Instagram users in the world. On top of Youtube, Instagram, and Twitter, fans have been requesting you join TikTok.

y/n is giggling.

JOHNNY: God, they really have.

SEAN: Any plans for that? Or is YouTube enough for you right now?

JOHNNY: Honestly, I’m not that big of a fan of TikTok. Y/N sends me a lot of them, but that’s really it. I don’t have an account. So, honestly, probably not.

Y/N: You don’t watch all of the ones I send you…

JOHNNY: You send me about twenty a day.

Y/N: And?

SEAN: *laughs* Well, you’re obviously popular on the other platforms.

JOHNNY: The Instagram thing blows my mind.

Y/N: Oh, please… you always stop for pictures. You’re all about your daily fits.

JOHNNY: Because I’m fashionable.

SEAN: Yeah, I was going to ask about that. You’ve done a few fashion shows, and you’re an ambassador for Saint Laurent. You’ve expressed interest in creating your own clothing line, as well. Were you serious about that?

JOHNNY: Oh, yeah. I would love to be able to have my own line… fashion has always been something I’ve been interested in, and I enjoy styling my outfits, as well as my friends’.

Y/N: He helps me. I have a horrible sense of fashion.

JOHNNY: You’re not that bad.

Y/N: Eh.

SEAN: You’ve made headlines just because of your street style.

JOHNNY: *laughs* Yeah, that’s… something. Honestly, though, maybe in a few years… I’d love to have my own line. I’m also honored to be a Saint Laurent ambassador—they’ve been one of my favorite brands for years.

SEAN: You’re really a jack of all trades—Youtuber, influencer, actor, singer, and model. Is there anything you can’t do?

Y/N: I can answer that—no. He’s infuriatingly perfect.

JOHNNY: *teasing* Awwh, babe, you’re so sweet.

he caresses her cheek, and y/n is screaming on the inside.

Y/N: I take it back.

the ninth sauce is introduced.

Y/N: Fucking hell.

she begins to cough, and fan her face. the sauce is nearly unbearable. johnny breaths out, eyes wide and staring at the table. he also coughs a bit.

SEAN: You okay?

JOHNNY: Yeah, this sucks. This is hot as fuck, holy shit.

y/n is still silent, and begins to chug her entire glass of water.

SEAN: Y/N?

Y/N: I’m good. I’m fine. I got it.

JOHNNY: *concerned* You sure, love?

once again, y/n is flustered. this time, she’s bad at hiding it. she blames it on the spice.

Y/N: U-uh, yeah… *gets a grip on herself, waves him off* Yeah. Don’t worry ‘bout it.

she is clearly still affected, whereas johnny has already tackled the intensity of the spice.

SEAN: I’m curious—are there any genres of film that you two want to try? And do you two want to work on another project together?

johnny looks over at y/n, a slight crease in his brow. worried.

Y/N: Um, my mouth hurts. You go first, mm?

johnny squeezes her thigh under the table and pushes his water towards her.

JOHNNY: Of course I’d want to work with her again. That’s my Y/N—I feel like we bring the best out of each other, and, again, I love working with her. As for things I’d want to try… *he trails off, his mind definitely on things he wants to try… but not in relation to the question. he pushes his hair back with his wrist* I think It’d be fun to do a crime movie. I’m obviously fond of doing dramas and musicals, as well as coming-of-age movies, but playing a criminal would be fun.

SEAN: I didn’t expect that! I can see it, though.

JOHNNY: Yeah, I’d like to do something like Robert Pattinson in ‘Good Time’.

SEAN: I think you could pull that off. Y/N, you doing okay?

Y/N: *smiles* Yeah, sorry! Just had to get used to it. Uh… yeah, me too—working with Johnny again, I mean. Of course—he’s my guy. Working with him is the best. And… ooh, honestly, I want to be in a horror movie, or a thriller! I like psychological thrillers, and I love scary movies… very open to that. *laughs* John, we should do a movie like Zac Efron and Lily Collins… what was it? The Bundy movie.

SEAN: That’d be interesting.

JOHNNY: Hell yeah.

the final sauce is displayed.

y/n has her head in her hands, stressed, and johnny has moved his hand from her thigh to her back.

JOHNNY: C’mon, it’ll be okay.

SEAN: We’re almost done! You’ve done really great so far.

Y/N: *sighs* Shit’s hot, dude… fuck it, let’s get it over wwith.

the guys laugh as y/n hurriedly bites into the wing. they follow. johnny has a funny expression on as he swallows.

JOHNNY: Goddamn… this hurts. *he coughs*

SEAN: Yeah, this one is pretty bad.

y/n has her head completely down on the table, but with one elbow propped up, sauce still on her fingers. you can hear her moaning in pain.

JOHNNY: Here, drink some water.

he grabs her and sits her up, gently, but laughs at her pained expression.

Y/N: I hate this. Do we have milk?

SEAN: Yeah, we’ll get you some.

she coughs, johnny rubbing her back, and reaches for the glass of milk. he still seems collected.

SEAN: You got it, Y/N.

y/n is chugging the milk and giving a thumbs up. johnny smiles at her.

SEAN: So, we got deep with some of these questions.

JOHNNY: You’re a hell of an interviewer.

Y/N: *still pained, but smiling* I don’t know what you lace things wings with to get us this deep. We talked a lot.

SEAN: All good answers though! So, for this last one, it’s not really a question—anything you guys want to say to each other or to the cameras? Anything, the floor is yours.

the two look at each other, silently asking a question. johnny smiles, but it quickly turns to an intense stare. y/n’s eyes widen, confused. he can’t look at her like that.

Y/N: *nervous* What?

JOHNNY: *puts a hand on y/n’s cheek and leans in, almost smiling at her flustered expression* Y/N…

y/n bursts out laughing, but is equally terrified. her heart is beating out of her chest. sean internally feels like he is interrupting something again.

JOHNNY: I just wanted to tell you… it’s something I’ve wanted to say for years. Something that—fuck, this’ll probably change everything. I just need to tell you, get this off my chest.

y/n is panicking and fails at masking it. she looks over at the cameras, genuinely baffled. they’re doing an interview, what was he doing?

Y/N: Johnny, what-?

JOHNNY: When we were at that hotel with Jaehyun and Sooyoung—a few years back, remember? You lost your room key and got locked out, and I told you I didn’t have it, but I was lying. I took it on purpose to fuck with you.

y/n is gaping, completely at a loss. sean laughs, also shocked. johnny is laughing his ass off.

Y/N: I… you fucking bitch.

SEAN: You really had me going there.

Y/N: Edit this out. I have nothing to say to this asshole.

JOHNNY: *innocently* What did I do?

Y/N: *ignoring him, turning to the camera, smiling* Anyway, thank you for watching us! ‘Day Dream’ is out in theatres, and we really hope you’ll go see it. We put our all into it, as did the other cast members and the crew, and I know you all will enjoy it!

JOHNNY: Yeah, please go see it, you won’t be disappointed.

johnny smiles at the camera, and then y/n who rolls her eyes and shoves him, though she is unable to suppress her smile.

the logo appears on screen and the video ends.

[felikatze]

give me the a brainworms i am deeply invested in this man

(0) (2) (3) (4)

okay first of all you asked for this. second of all if i am a little off track from the game that is explained by me just building thoughts like building blocks without looking back. third i was supposed to be studying for an exam but this counts as practice right? it's character analysis anyway lmao.

buckle the fuck up, my dearest anon, because I have sub headings.

1. A as the Player Character

Let me begin with why I am obsessed with this horrid little guy in the first place: he's a silent protagonist. I am always obsessed with protagonists. It's a law of nature. I love taking hollow characters and dissecting them for scraps. It's a long standing practice of mine.

Being a silent protagonist, A, as X, does not have a set personality. However, there are patterns. Firstly, as any semi-silent protagonist, A is a reactive character. He does not start incidents, he only responds to situations, presented by the Sephirah, as they arise. He does not actively seek out new information, merely going about the routine of expanding departments, but expresses curiosity when information is presented to him.

I'm aware fandom likes to characterize X and A differently, likely because they are initially presented as different characters. I, on the other hand, would like to pose the theory that they are more similar than expected.

I believe that A is also a reactive character, rather than active. Despite the fandom wiki describing him as stubborn, the goal A pursues with such fervor, the completion of the Seed of Light, is not actually a goal he set for himself. Carmen is the one who set this goal for him by leaving him her legacy.

Throughout the backstory we get relating to the Cogito Project, A is Carmen's assistant, whereas Carmen is the driving researcher. This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be; going with the flow of goals set for them by superiors. Yes I will get into his attachment to Carmen later.

The above is not to say A isn't stubborn. Once he has accepted a goal as his own, he will pursue it at all costs, as is obvious from any and all flashbacks leading to horrible deaths. But the point isn't his pursuit of the goal, but where that goal comes from. Even Lobcorp itself supports this, despite what Hokma may say; A as X follows the "simple" task of managing the Corp's day to day activities, and executes any mission given to him by the Sephirah. He outranks them, and doesn't actually need to do their missions, but does so anyway. Players are driven by the reward offered by those missions, of course, and A might be the same in that regard. Nonetheless, at no point in gameplay do you do anything somebody else hasn't told you to.

The overarching narrative of the Script would be the most obvious example. Every single person in the game follows the script, whether they know it or not.

Lastly on this note, a phrase we hear attributed to A, "Machines must behave as machines." Now, Angela may be attached to this phrase because it bears significance to herself as a machine, and informs most of A's unjust treatmeant of her. However, what if it doesn't just apply to machines? The phrase reads as such, "Everyone must act according to their own role."

2. A, Carmen, and the disease of the mind

So, A will at any cost pursue goals Carmen set for him. Question is, why? The obvious answer would be saying he's in love with her, which like, true. But also, how did Carmen come to be so precious to him?

Let us return to the comparison, "This is how many of the City's inhabitants seem to be." We don't really know why exactly most characters joined Carmen, excluding mainly Daniel and Benjamin. But this does not mean we can't have theories.

Carmen's ideal was curing the "disease of the mind." What is the disease? Complete hopelessness. The inability to form aspirations and dreams, to think of a better future. A is a very reactive character who does not set goals for himself. Therefore, I personally conclude, that initially, Carmen's ideology resonated with him because he could identify with the disease.

This is the point where I start rewatching Lobcorp story clips. Dear god.

So, by briefly binging day 27 onward, I've come up with lines that very much support this lil theory of mine:

First, from Carmen, a description of the disease, "People lock away their own potential."

Second, a line from Angela, after the memory synchronization, "You've locked yourself in this prison without bars."

Carmen describes A as humble, and Benjamin thinks he is warm. If I suppose A was one of the diseased initially, Carmen would be the catalyst for this change. Carmen was someone with big aspirations, with plans to heal what is wrong with the City, and it gave him hope. He was one of the diseased, but through time with Carmen, with that relentless optimistic spirit, he may have been cured, for a time. It's not a stretch to say that she was his light.

But lor shows us what happens when the seed of light sprouts wrong, doesn't it? It distorts. A grasped hope for the first time and then it is ruthlessly crushed. Carmen was everything. Yes, A is described as a jack-of-all-trades, as a genius in all pursuits he puts his mind to, but what does that matter in the face of someone who can unite people? Who can give them hope of a better world? Who can inspire them to actually use the talents they have?

And what kind of pressure is it to put the legacy of a messiah in the hands of the diseased?

3. A and the Perception Filter: A is weak to White damage

No, I am serious about that. He's extremely weak mentally. Obviously death of a loved one is a changing experience for absolutely anybody, but Carmen's death destroyed him.

Not only did he refuse to confide this grief to anyone and bottled it up, now everybody looked to him to lead the project, but he just isn't Carmen. He isn't an ambitious person, he doesn't have the same optimism, he can't bring people together, but people expected him to, and he failed. Hard.

While he was without a doubt talented in science, he was also just an average guy.

After her death, A grew to hate humans. He lost trust in them. He refused to confide in anyone, and be confided in by anyone. Thus, the team fell apart.

In both lobcorp and lor, we get interesting tidbits about precations taken to protect the manager.

Firstly, Lobcorp's perception filter. The cartoony art-style of the game is a result of the game being in first person. Through the eyes of the manager, everything is cartoony!

This is a measure undertaken to specifically protect the manager's psyche. Angela tells us that, before it was deployed, the manager would frequently go insane, one notable incident including the manager trying to hang himself. When we first hear this, the previous managers and X are still separate in our minds. However, they're all A! A went insane multiple times without it.

This is understandable, considering that employees also frequently go insane and try to kill both themselves and others. But they're there in action, confronting the Abnormalities directly. Just watching them made the manager go mad. They could not handle the responsibility for the employees' deaths.

In lor, Angela explains why she picked the Rabbit Team from R Corp as their main contractor instead of any other team. One team was simply too big for L Corp's narrow hallways, and the other team... dealt in psychic damage. It was simply too big of a risk for the manager. But the manager is always secure behind the cameras. Would that teams methods just be that brutal visually, or would their attacks have reached the manager?

Combined with his immense grief at all of his friends and coworkers dying in part because of him, A cannot bear to look at death.

4. A's greatest flaw: Avoidance

A common thread during Core Meltdown flashbacks: A refuses to look at suffering. He just can't. Whether it be looking away from Elijah writhing on the floor or hanging up on Daniel's panicked report of death.

This is actually the thing Angela takes the biggest issue with, and what hurt her most. A would never look at her, acknowledge her, and she did not understand why. But I think A did not refuse to look at her out of maliciousness. Rather, it was out of grief over Carmen. He could not look at her without being reminded of what he lost.

Angela's creation came about because A wanted someone to guide him, someone like Carmen. He threw himself into the project to the point it made Benjamin happy that A was passionate about anything again. But as soon as the project he distracted himself with is complete, he is filled with regret. Carmen cannot be replicated, and he breaks again.

Furthermore, tying this back to my first point about A being a reactive person, we see Angela take charge over A. She's the one recruiting employees and leading the business. It was likely a relief for him to be able to step down from the leading position.

But avoiding it made everything worse. He did not act when he saw Elijah's unchecked ambition, he did not act beyond a simple check at Gabriel's decay, he gave Giovanni the same hope he clung to to no avail, et cetera et cetera.

Avoiding his problems is making them worse and sending everything down the drain (including his psyche), so he deals with it the only way he knows how, avoiding them more!

Biggest example of A's big avoidance problem as his psyche crumbles: the memory wipe. A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much.

By erasing his own memory, he could start fresh without his grief, because he might've really killed himself otherwise. His suffering became bigger and bigger, and he coped by avoiding it.

The memory wipe allowed him to distangle his problems. Through his interactions with the Sephirah (which I will not individually detail for the sake of my sanity and because I dumped all this on a friend on discord already), he can deal with and actually process his issues one at a time.

As the motto describes, only by facing the fear can he build the future. Only by finally facing his grief and acknowleding it, seeing that the past cannot be changed and he has no choice to move forward, can he actually do so.

5. The Sephirah as ghosts

Lobotomy Corporation feels like a ghost story. I've touched upon this in my previous A post.

As you reach the Corp's lower levels, there are less Sephirah. First there are four. They act like normal employees, and do not breach into the story's underbelly until you reach their core supressions and the facade breaks. Second, counting Tiphereth as one, there are three. They still go about their duties, but they know what they are. Third, there are two, and the facade is gone. They know what they are, and they will tell you about the sins of the past.

And finally, you reach Keter, and there is only one.

This gradual decay of the facade is what really gets to me. I said that by interacting with the Sephirah, A deals with his issues one by one, but that's what the Sephirah are, in this case. Representations.

The people the Sephirah used to be are dead, and the Sephirah are their ghosts. The core supression involve putting these ghosts to rest. Doesn't it match the progression of a typical ghost story? Find the ghost, find what they used to be, and help them move on.

So, if everyone is a ghost, then A is alone.

But, behind the scenes, the Sephirah are still there. They are still people, and they have changed for the better, too. As always, A simply does not look.

(Does he even see the good others see in him? Does he look away from praise, too? Did he even realize Benjamin's admiration for him? Will we ever know?)

6. A's end.

A's progression of moving on would be fine and dandy if it did not end as thus: A does kill himself.

A sees himself beyond the point of no return. Everyone is dead. He is alone. Carmen is never coming back. He can't call it quits now, or else everything has been in vain. (Even if the last days show us a part of him wants to just quit, so badly.)

So, there's only one thing left to do: follow the Script to its ending. Fulfill Carmen's legacy at all costs. Death as the ultimate release.

This is the point where I admit I do not like the death as release trope. But the game does a good enough job as presenting it as the only option A had, or the only option he saw himself as having.

However, I've mentioned it before, I'll mention it again: A was not alone. Death was his release, but he left wreckage. In order to end his own suffering, he inflicted the same pain he went through on others.

Throughout the game, he moves on and pushes through. The ending shows that in reality... he didn't.

At least in lor the characters stick together and help each other heal.

This has been most of my thoughts on A, amounting to my longest analysis post ever, having taken me approximately two and a half hours to complete, and clocking in at 2337 words including up to this paragraph.

Thank you anon for giving me the incentive to verbalize all of this, so I can finally be at ease having inflicted my thoughts on everybody else.

[softyoongiionly]

Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Seventeen

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, College! Yoongi, Sub! Yoongi

Word Count: 9.1k

A/N: Hi friends! Here is a new chapter for you. I know it’s been a super duper long time since I’ve updated this series but, I plan on wrapping up the current timeline (wink wink) within the first half of the year! Special shoutout to my amazing friend @bulletproofbirdy​ who I love so so much. Without her big genius brain, I would literally not be able to get through any of my wip. Another huge shoutout to @gldnrecs​ @kithtaehyung​ @yoonia​ and @randombtsprincessa​ for being my lil hype team. I love you! Also, thank you to everyone over at @bangtansorciere​. I am so grateful to have met so many lovely new friends this year! okiii bye. I hope you like it!

NOTE: all bolded words indicate when characters are speaking Korean

Warnings for this Chapter: ok here we go…(TRIGGER WARNING)

moderate angst, drug use (marijuana), mentions of anxiety, brief allusions to physical abuse, very brief allusions to drug addiction, alcohol 

Chapter Seventeen: Daegu and Dirty Laundry

No thoughts, head empty (and in Yoongi’s lap)

The two of you are in his living room, bags packed by the front door, awaiting the cab to take you to the airport.  

In a few short hours, you were leaving on a plane to Daegu to visit Yoongi’s older brother and, you can tell by the way he’s shuffled around all morning that he’s anxious.  

Thankfully, Hoseok and Namjoon woke up with him, knowing that emotions would be high and well- offered to get him high.

“This is a really good indica strain hyung,” Hoseok assures him as he hands over a zip-lock bag, “I rolled a joint with this last night and passed out in like 30 minutes.”

Yoongi, dressed in an all-black sweat outfit, accepts the bag into the palm of his hand, before grabbing the pipe that’s resting on the couch cushion beside him.

“Did you get it from that same guy?” Yoongi asks, his voice heavy beneath the obvious tension he’s feeling.

Despite his attempts to remain casual, you know him well enough to feel how nervous he is. He’s practically vibrating beneath you but, you know that pointing this out will only make it worse so instead, you merely rub the outside of his thigh whilst he packs his pipe. 

“Yeah, Jin’s friend-” Hoseok responds before nodding to Namjoon, “He’s honestly killing it right now. Jin told me he’s made like 5 grand already.”

Namjoon raises his brows, “Really? Damn, that’s impressive, I’ve never heard of anyone taking off that fast.”

“Jin has a lot of contacts-” Yoongi offers, adjusting the bud once more before grabbing his lighter, “it probably helped him get started. Plus, I think a lot of people around here have been looking for a good plug. Whatever he’s doing is working though, the high from last night was pretty good.”

At Yoongi’s comment, Hoseok’s lip melt into a salacious smirk as he raises his brows and jerks his chin towards you, “Are you sure it had nothing to do with that one over there?” He teases, “Yah, what are you so quiet for? You haven’t given me shit all morning...”

His comment makes you giggle but Yoongi cuts in before you’re able to respond.

“She’s tired, leave her alone.” He scolds but his lips twitch at the sound of your laughter.

Hoseok snickers as you finally decide to sit up. You can feel Yoongi’s eyes on you even as he lifts the pipe to his mouth. Tucking yourself into the side of the couch, you finally decide to add to the conversation.

“Is the guy you pick up named Yugyeom by chance?” The sleepiness in your tone is more obvious than you were expecting and, it makes Yoongi smile to himself whilst he lights his pipe.

Namjoon nods, “Yeah, it is. Do you know him?”

Yoongi’s attention is on you even as he inhales his first hit, the nerves in his body standing at attention, waiting to be soothed.  

“He was in my human sexuality class.” You remember, with a grin on your lips, “That’s actually where I met Jin too. I just had a feeling that it was him because, he literally always came to class high. Plus, him and Jin were like inseparable.”

Namjoon winces, “Of all the people to get stuck learning about sex with. I’m sorry...”

This makes you laugh, as your mind journey’s back to all the days you spent trying not to make a scene as Jin made sexual puns in the middle of a serious lecture.  

“It definitely kept things interesting...” You offer, “I’m glad to hear that Yugyeom is thriving on his own. He mentioned his dad wanted him to join the family business but, I could never picture that man in a suit.”

Hoseok chuckles before his face tightens with intrigue, “Oof that makes one of us. He would look fine as hell in a suit.”

Namjoon grins, nudging Hoseok with his foot, “You got a thing for him?”

For the first time, you see a hint of shyness overcoming Hoseok’s demeanor but he shrugs it off, trying to appear casual, “I mean- I don’t know about all that. I’m just saying that he would look good in a suit.”

“You’d both look good in suits- together...” You offer, grinning at him, “Maybe in a private venue somewhere...”

Hoseok rolls his eyes but the smile creeping onto his lips is unmistakable, “Shut up- you guys are fucking wild. All I said is that he was hot...”

Giggling, you shrug your shoulders before nodding over to Yoongi, “Yeah well that’s how it starts-” You warn, “Then the next thing you know, you’re sitting on the subway, simping over a selfie he sends you.”

Yoongi’s soft lips immediately turn up in a small smile, the shy boy in him peeking out. At first, he says nothing as he merely passes the pipe to Namjoon, who mirrors a similar expression.

Hoseok is back to his normal mischief, feeling relieved that the heat is off him for the time being.  

“Are you saying you’d marry Yoongi then?”

He expects you to be flustered by this question but, the answer is simple.  

“This man?” You raise your brows as you point to Yoongi, “You’re asking me if I would marry this man right here? Hoseok- I would wife this man up so quickly, it would give you whiplash.”

Your comment causes the three of them to laugh and, to add to the shifting vibe of the room, you feel Yoongi wrap his arm around you in an effort to pull you into his side.

“You can’t say shit like that right in front of them, they don’t need to see me soft...” He mumbles shyly in your ear before kissing your cheek, his heart singing with validation.

“Hyung, you act like we don’t already know who whipped you are for this girl.” Hoseok laughs, eagerly accepting the pipe from a coughing Namjoon.

Yoongi ignores him with his arm still around you, checking his phone with the other hand, “The cab should be here soon, do you need anything before we go?”

“Hyung, you’re gonna leave your piece here right? Cause we kinda need it-”  

Namjoon eyes him suspiciously, “What happened to your bong?”

Hoseok cringes, “I may have accidentally dropped it off the rooftop...”

Namjoon’s eyes blow wide open, “What the fuck were you doing on the rooftop to begin with?”

“I wanted to vibe! The bud was good and, I wanted to listen to the J. Cole album and get in my feelings hyung, get off my dick-” He laughs, playfully defensive.

“Hey that’s J Cole song-” You point out giggling at the double meaning, the exhaustion from earlier finding you once again.

“Exactly, I’m glad you caught that-” Hoseok winks at you before Yoongi finally responds.

“I’m not going to take my pipe through international security. Pot isn’t legal in Korea so, I wouldn’t be smoking while we were there anyway.”  

“Oh shit that’s right-” Namjoon remembers, “I really need to keep up with what’s been going on back home, I heard they were opening the discussion about it recently but, I haven’t kept up with it.”

Hoseok interjects, “What about your brother? He probably has connections.”

Yoongi shrugs, “He might but, I'm not going to worry about it.” He glances at his phone again before turning it towards you, “Our car is here, you ready to go?”

You offer him a small smile as you nod, your cheek tingling still as he places another kiss to it.

He stands up first before holding his hand out to you. Eagerly, you lace your fingers with his and, hoist yourself off the couch.

“Alright you two-” Namjoon stands too, brushing his hands over the front of his hoodie, “Try and send us updates when you can yeah?” He shoots a look towards Yoongi that is filled with an emotion that breaches casual concern.  

Yoongi understands perfectly, offering Namjoon a solemn nod in return as he pats his shoulder, “Yeah I will. I’ll text you when we land...”

Moments later, the two of you are in the back of the cab. Yoongi takes the middle seat so he can be close to you, his fingers are interlaced tightly with your own despite the fact that his hand is already sweating.  

He’s anxious.  

You can feel it and, you’re faced with two options.

Address it

Distract him  

It’s not an easy choice but, you figure this weekend will already be filled with heightened emotions so, you’re not sure if you should breach this topic so early. At the same time though, you don’t want to act like nothing’s wrong and dismiss what he’s clearly feeling.  

So, you land somewhere in the middle.  

Yoongi’s jaw is loaded with tension as you reach over and turn his face towards yours. He doesn’t register what you’re doing at first but he is in tune with your touch as always so, he doesn’t question it.    

Leaning in, you tuck your lips between his own, whilst your free hand comes up to encase the side of his face. You feel him relax beneath your kiss, a sigh leaving his nose as he kisses you back slowly.  

You pull away, pecking at his lips a few times, your thumb rubbing over his cheek.

“It’s going to be ok.” You murmur softly for the sake of his privacy, “We’re going to get through this.”

Yoongi’s eyes open just enough to show you the sheer amount of trust present in them.  

He believes everything that comes out of your mouth and, despite the anxiety that’s raging inside of him, he knows you’re right.  

Pressing his cheek against your hand, a soft smirk graces his lips as he resists the urge to pour his heart out to you for the millionth time.

“I wish it was socially acceptable for you to kiss me like that every time I feel like this...”

You giggle, pecking his lips again for good measure, “It would make our psych presentation really interesting that’s for sure.”

He chuckles, his face adorably smushed against your hand, “I keep forgetting that we have to do that. I don’t even remember the last time we worked on it...”

“Me neither.” You say at first before your eyes light up with realization, “Oh my god wait- the last time was when we watched that horrible spider movie at my apartment! Ugh no wonder I couldn’t remember, I’m pretty sure I've blocked those images from my mind as a coping mechanism.”

Yoongi’s face lights up along with you, “Oh shit, that’s right-” He laughs, “Did we even finish our lists?”

The two of you share another round of laughter, caught up in the ridiculous realization that you had lowkey abandoned your final project.  

You lean over to pull your phone out of your purse, “Here let me check-” Scrolling through your notes app, you find the project tab before allowing your eyes to wander over it, “It looks like I still have deep water and you technically still have night clubs and horror movies. But I mean- you did perform in a night club recently so I feel like that should count.”  

He nods thoughtfully before his face lights up with realization once more, “Oh yeah, I already wrote about that in the research journal, I forget to tell you. That was definitely more of a direct confrontation than I was planning.” He chuckles, “We did sit on the beach and read terrifying facts about the depth of the ocean for mine, would that be enough for you to write about?”  

The two of you have maneuvered so that you’re tucked into Yoongi’s side again, his arm draping comfortably around your shoulders.

“You still have horror movies left though so, I feel like I should maybe confront one more directly too. Besides, I have a feeling that I’ll be able to distract myself in the water if you’re there-” You mumble suggestively, which causes him to smirk as he leans his head back against the seat.

“Oh yeah?” He jerks his head towards you “How so?”

Resting your face on his chest, you smile to yourself and think of a response that’s appropriate for a perfect stranger aka your cab driver, to hear.

“Cause if something touches my feet in the water, I could simply latch myself to your back for safety purposes.” You explain matter of factly.

“If something touched your foot while we were in the water, I’d swim away so fucking fast- I don’t think you’d have time to latch on.” He explains through his laughter

Scoffing, you smack your hand against his chest as you sit up fully, wiggling out of his grip, “So you’d just leave me to die???” You accuse, “Also, last time I checked- you weren’t an Olympic swimmer, what makes you think you’d just zoom out of there???”

Yoongi’s cackling at this point, his hand on his stomach, his previously tense features now smoothed out beneath his amusement, “I’m not saying I would leave you necessarily-”

“Necessarily!” You point out, laughter erupting from your lips as you pinch his side, “After everything we’ve been through, you’re really just gonna let a sea monster eat me!?”

His eyes widen, as his laughter increases, “A sea monster?! Who said anything about a sea monster? Where did they come in????”

“I said something touched my foot???? Obviously that means there is a sea monster, lurking in the depths, trying to eat me and you-” You poke his sternum, “You just said you would leave me to die!”

Yoongi’s face is reddened with the force of his own laughter, his hand subconsciously coming up to cover your own. With his eyes tearing up and his mouth parted to make way for his giggling, you can’t help but admire how beautiful he is.  

Especially when he’s laughing...

He wipes his eyes with his free hand, still chuckling lightly to himself even as he brings your hand to his mouth, “Alright, alright- let's be clear- I would never leave you to die.” He promises, still smirking as he kisses the back of your hand, “Realistically, I’d probably panic and jump on YOUR back.”

With narrowed eyes, you wiggle the fingers he has pressed to his lips, “Well I don’t know how that would work out because, I’d probably you know- swim away so fucking fast that I don’t know if you’d have time to latch on...”

Yoongi snickers as you imitate his voice but, rather than retaliate he simply tugs you by the hand his currently holding and, kisses you.  

It’s soft and sweet- lasting only for a few seconds until he’s pulling away.

“Thank you for coming with me.” He says suddenly, the volume of his voice decreasing significantly.

And as usual, you know that he wants to say way more than he does. But you’re perfectly fine with that.

Yoongi’s subtly is a specific brand and, you’ve grown to love how the little things he does allows him to pack so much emotion into a simple phrase.  

You feel lucky to love such a special person.  

“Of course.” You return his simplicity, pecking his lips once more before settling back in your original position.  

The airport was a blur.  

You’re thankful it passes quickly because, the process of getting through security makes you anxious.  

Yoongi ushers you into your seat before taking both of your bags and, storing them in the overhead compartment. You can’t help but smile as he turns to help an older woman with her luggage as well.

He smiles ( :] ) at her, bowing his head slightly as she thanks him. Yoongi offers her a tiny wave and takes his seat beside you, not noticing the way you smile fondly at him.  

When he takes his seat beside you, the two of you settle into a comfortable silence. Once the flight crew permits it, Yoongi takes his laptop out and begins toying around with one of his songs. You pull your headphones out as well and find one of your favorite playlists. Leaning back against the seat, your eyes eventually begin to droop until you can no longer keep them open.  

The next thing you know, you’re being woken up by someone gently patting your thigh.  

“Sleepy girl...” Yoongi croons in Korean, the sound of his voice alone making you smile, “We’re landing soon.”

Slightly disoriented, you blink your eyes a few times before you’re finally able to focus on your boyfriend’s face.  

You slump against him, rubbing your cheek against the material of his hoodie. He chuckles softly, his arm sliding out from underneath you in order to drape across your shoulders.  

“I’m sorry I fell asleep.” You mumble

He chuckles again, nodding with a false sense of consideration, “Ah yes, you missed so much. Two hours ago, the flight attendant came by and asked if we wanted anything to drink. It was a wild ride...”

Giggling sleepily, you shake your head at his sarcasm before pointing at his laptop.  

“Were you working on your composition project?”

He bites his bottom lip and shakes his head, a bashful expression on his face “No, it was just a song I’ve been working on for a while now.”  

He leaves it at that and, due to the signal from the flight crew, Yoongi begins putting his stuff away as the rest of the cabin prepares for landing.  

“Are we taking the train?” You mumble, still fighting off the remnants of your nap.

Yoongi purses his lips, his eyes narrowed in concentration whilst he scrolls through his phone.

“No, I have a cab waiting for us.” He responds, “It says it’s already here. So, when you get out of customs, just meet me right outside. It should just be a straight shot from immigration.”

You nod and rest your head back against his shoulder, “Okay.”

He puts his phone away, allowing his hand to find yours. Intertwining your fingers, he takes a deep breath- his mind clearly elsewhere. You squeeze his hand to acknowledge this but, the two of you don’t comment on it.  

There is no need.  

With the tightening of your grip, so much has already been said.  

Less than a half hour later, the two of you are once again seated in the back of the cab.  

“It’s probably going to rain a lot while we’re here.” Yoongi explains, his voice low and slow, “This is Daegu’s rainy season. I’ve been checking the weather periodically and it looks like there might be a storm coming but, it doesn’t look too severe.”

You look at the window after his comment, noticing that the sky is overflowing with heavy clouds, swollen and gray with the promise of rain.  

“We’re approaching monsoon season, we call it uh- jangma.” He tells you and his explanation makes you smile.  

Despite the circumstances, you’re very honored and excited to be in Yoongi’s hometown. You know the memories he associates with this place are complex but, there is a shift in his tone now and, he sounds eager to teach you about this place: the place he called home for so long.  

And you’d gladly listen for hours.

“Jangma-” You repeat, trying to get the pronunciation right, causing him to refocus his attention back on you. He smiles softly and nods,

“Good job.”  

Your heart skips a beat at his approval as you return his smile, “Is there gonna be thunder?”  

Yoongi chuckles, “Do you want there to be thunder?”

You nod eagerly, “I love storms. When I was little, I would just sit at the window and watch them go by. I’m pretty sure our neighbors thought I was crazy. But I don’t know- I've always had a thing for bad weather...”

He smirks, glancing out the window and then back at you, “That explains a lot.”

Giggling, you cock your head, “What do you mean?”

Yoongi gestures to himself, his now playful gaze looking at you expectantly. You laugh at his insinuation,

“I see the resemblance.” You concede, gently patting his cheek, “You’re not nearly as gloomy as you think you are though.”

“To you-” He retorts, “You always forget that...”

“Pleaaaase.” You disagree, “You’re soft for other people too, don’t lie. I’ve seen the way you deal with Namjoon and Hobi...”

He shakes his head, “Yeah but things are still different with you, I don’t think you realize that.”

You nudge yourself underneath his arm once more, cuddling up with him as best as you can in the back of a cab.

“I know you’re especially-” You emphasize the word, “soft for me. I’m just saying that you come across more approachable than you think you do.”

Yoongi smirks to himself, seemingly understanding something that you don’t.  

“Soft is an understatement.” He retorts, turning to kiss the top of your head.

“Whateverrrr.” You tease him, your eyes trailing down to focus on his hands, “I’m still right.”

He chuckles, his figure shaking lightly beneath you, “You usually are.”

The cab pulls off of the highway, and it’s then that you begin to notice the way the scenery around you shifts from a middle class/ metropolitan vibe to something much much...fancier.  

Through the winding streets, the cab begins taking the two of you up a pretty steep hill before turning onto a street full of ridiculously nice houses.  

White marble, giant glass windows, and driveways filled to the brim with luxury vehicles zip by as the car turns down another street. Similar in theme but greater in size, the new street had much larger houses on more sizeable plots of land- likely designed to give the owners privacy amongst their neighbors.  

You can feel Yoongi’s eyes on you then and, you know very well that he’s observing your reaction.

He knows that even though he told you his brother was wealthy that, that phrase alone wouldn’t be enough to properly convey what that entailed.  

“This neighborhood is really beautiful,” You observe softly, eyes still glued to the window, “The architecture is so different than anything I’ve ever seen.”

And of course, this makes Yoongi smile.  

Because of course, you aren’t making a fuss about the degree of luxury before you. You’re finding the beauty in what otherwise is a very stressful situation.  

Finally, the cab pulls into a driveway right behind a black Tesla before putting the car in park.  

He and Yoongi exchange a few words in Korean as Yoongi hands him a small wad of money.  

“Thank you.” You murmur to the cab driver with a slight bow of your head to which he responds with a tight smile and a similar bow.  

You and Yoongi unload your bags from the trunk and as he is reaching for your hand, the front door of the house swings open.  

A man a few inches taller than Yoongi steps out. His black hair is neatly arranged in a middle part and he’s dressed in a beige turtleneck and white slacks. As he comes closer, the resemblance between the two of them is staggering.  

“Hello!” He calls with a warm smile, his voice bright, “Welcome! Come on in, the rain is supposed to pick back up soon.”

His expression only glows as he spots his younger brother. He looks excited to see him but, his movements are apprehensive.  

The unspoken tension is already present and, you can feel Yoongi almost freeze up as he draws near. Subtly, you coax him along offering his brother a warm smile as the two of you approach the landing just in front of his door.  

Normally, you don’t get nervous when meeting new people but, this situation is laced with so much complexity- you aren’t sure how to act.

Thankfully Yoongi finally speaks, “Good to see you hyung. Thank you for having us on such short notice.” His tone is almost unrecognizable as he gestures to you, “This is my girlfriend Y/N. Y/N-” He gestures back to his brother, “This is my older brother Geum-jae hyung.”

Bowing your head slightly, you smile once more, “It’s very nice to meet you, thank you for having me.”

Geum-jae nods, eyeing you softly as his lips press into a tight line, “It’s so nice to meet you Y/N. I promise you, the pleasure is all mine.”

Yoongi motions for you to step in front of him so, you follow his lead and trail behind his brother through the doorway.  

Geum-jae's home resembles a marble statue. It’s clean, beautiful and, elegant- but lifeless. Geum-jae has artwork of various styles all over his walls, crisp white couches, sleek granite countertops and, stainless-steel appliances however, there is not one bit of evidence that anyone even lives here. The house feels empty despite the amount of effort put into its appearance.  

It makes you sad.  

“You have a beautiful home.”  

Your voice echoes off the dead weight of the walls, the paintings themselves seeming to arch a brow at your comment. Geum-jae however, smiles and nods graciously,

“Thank you. I just moved in not too long ago so, there is a lot I want to do. I definitely could have used this one’s expertise-” He nods to Yoongi, “He was always really good at that kind of stuff...”

Your boyfriend smirks, his eyes taking in his surroundings but failing to really focus on anything; he was too wound up, “You could have. I would have charged you though...”

Geum-jae chuckles and you see him glance at Yoongi fondly for a split second before he quickly reverts to his casual demeanor.  

“I put you guys on the second floor facing the skyline-” He gestures to the ivory staircase, “I’m sure you want some time to freshen up and relax so, please take all the time you need. I’m having BBQ brought over tonight but, if you’re hungry- feel free to help yourself to whatever is in the kitchen.”

Yoongi allows you to step in front of him whilst taking the suitcase from your hands. The two men follow behind you as Geum-jae continues laying out the plans for the evening,  

“I have a few virtual meetings to attend that I wasn’t able to move around but, I will be free as of 7 this evening. Until then, please make yourselves at home. I am really-” He seems to take a deep breath for emphasis, “really happy to have you here.”

“Thank you hyung.” Yoongi smiles slightly once the three of you reach the outside of the guest room, “Good luck with your meetings. Let me know if you need help with dinner.”

Geum-jae responds with a tight nod, “Will do. I’ll be in my office so, feel free to explore.” As he pushes open the door for you, he allows his own pained expression to meet yours, “I’m honored to meet you Y/N. Thank you for coming all this way with my brother.”

“Well-” You squeeze Yoongi’s hand gently, “He’s lucky I like him so much...”

Cheeks flushed, Yoongi rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but his lips are practically puckered against the smile he’s trying to stifle.  

“That’s fair.” Geum-jae chuckles, “Let me know if you two need anything. I’ll just be downstairs...”

With that, Yoongi pushes open the door and allows you to step inside before following behind you.

“Wow.” You whisper to yourself as you take in the scene before you.

The walls are painted a soft gray and surrounding only three sides of the bedroom. The fourth wall is made entirely of glass and given that the house rests upon a hill, you’re able to make out the skyline of the inner city. A giant four poster bed sits in the middle of the room, covered completely in a white duvet and three rows of pillows. Dark gray curtains sit on either side of the massive window as various muted colors accent the room in the form of a dresser, two nightstands and, a set of couches at the end of the bed.  

Yoongi is silent behind you as he sets the bags down at the entrance of the room. He pushes the door shut and allows his eyes to move over the space for a moment.  

It's nice, he thinks, but he can’t find himself to be very impressed.  

He knows where this money comes from and, even though his brother is out of the crime sector now, it still feels strange to acknowledge his wealth.  

Noticing his silence, you turn towards him, eyes tracing over the features of his face to assess his mood.

With a slight and subconscious pout, he looks at you, his body seemingly full of a breath he wants to take.  

“Do you want to lay down for a bit? I know you didn’t sleep on the plane.”  

At your offer, he seems to deflate slightly, lips turning up at the corners, “I think I want to shower first...”

Immediately, you nod with an encouraging smile, “Yeah go shower babe, I’ll just-”

He interrupts you, sticking his hand out and flexing his fingers in a grabbing motion, “Come with me.”

His offer makes you giggle, “You want me to shower with you?”

Yoongi closes the distance between you, using his grabby hands to lock onto your hips, “No, I meant like come with me as in come watch me...yes I want you to shower with me.”

Your laughter heightens as you pinch his side, causing him to recoil before chuckling.

“You’re such a punk today...” You scold.

Yoongi simply chuckles warmly as he kisses the side of your head, the tone of his voice lowering significantly, “That usually means something to you doesn’t it?”

It does.  

It usually means he’s having trouble vocalizing his needs and, he’s in need of attention. And the type of attention is usually a specific brand.  

And it usually comes with a little bit of pain.  

However, you don’t think it’s a good idea to indulge that side of Yoongi’s desires at the moment because, his emotions aren’t fully organized. You know the talk with his brother is causing him a lot of stress and, as much as you liked to wreck his body right now- you know it’s best to wait until later.  

That doesn’t mean you can’t take care of him though...

“Come on-” You urge him, grabbing his hand and practically running towards the bathroom, “Let's get you clean, king.”

He laughs, stumbling into the bathroom which is just as nice and similarly colored as the room.

“I’m a king now?”

His question goes over your head as you notice the ridiculously oversized bathtub in the center of the room. Biting your lip, you turn towards him and point at it.

“Do you want to take a bath instead? The shower looks amazing and all but- this thing literally looks like a jacuzzi.”

Yoongi eyes it curiously, his teeth finding his bottom lip, looking a little apprehensive, “How would you want to sit in it though? I kinda uh- I kinda thought maybe we could stand under the water for a bit together, like last time...”

He wants you to hold him.

He’s not going to say it but, he needs it.  

Like really bad.

You can see his nerves creeping into his posture so, you decide to act quickly before he somehow convinces himself that he’s being too needy.  

Looking around the room, you spot a few things that could aid in his relaxation: candles, bubble bath, a neatly folded pile of fluffy gray towels...

“I’ll show you.” You assure him, “Close your eyes really quick- no peeking. I have a plan...”

Yoongi looks at you, suspicious all over his face, “I’m scared.”

Giggling, you raise your brows for emphasize, “Oh you should be-”

He can’t help but smirk at your tone despite the anticipation swimming in his gut. He trusts you though so, instead of arguing- he shuts his eyes.  

Shuffling around the bathroom, you set things up in record time, turning the water on, pouring the rose scented bubble bath beneath the stream, and lighting a few candles along the ivory counter. Yoongi maintains his smirk the entire time, folding his arms across his chest, stifling his desire to make a snarky comment.  

“Alright,” You sigh, dusting your hands off, “Ta daaaaa.”

Yoongi opens his eyes, blinking a few times before taking in the scene in front of him. It changes his smirk into a grin really quickly as his cat-like eyes flit over to you.

“Are you planning on sacrificing me?” He quips, nodding to the candles.

Snorting, you roll your eyes, “If you keep talking shit, I just might-” You threaten, laughter forming on the tail end of your sentence, “Get naked...”

Yoongi snickers, his face full of satisfaction as his finger tuck beneath his hoodie to tug it over his head. The two of you undress in a small bout of silence and attempt to sneak glances at one another’s naked form.  

“I’m going to get in first and then you’re going to sit in front of me, between my legs...” You explain, trying not to shiver as the cool air of the bathroom begins to grow uncomfortable.

His brows raise, “Between your legs?” He confirms, “Say no more...”

Once again, your eyes are rolling but this time, there is a smile on your lips as you move to take your spot beneath the warmth of the water. Yoongi has to take a deep breath as he watches you, his emotions brewing dangerously beneath the surface at the sight of the woman he loves.  

He still doesn’t fully understand it.  

He is still meet with endless confusion when he starts to think about why you’ve chosen to be with him but, he knows better now than to question it.  

You have your reasons, he thinks, and he has a million of his own.  

Looking up from beneath the mountain of bubbles, you pat the top of them, looking at him expectantly, “Come here.”

He grabs the hand that you extend towards him, balancing himself on it whilst he steps into the tub. Modestly, he turns his body away from you for a second so he’s able to bend down before pivoting beneath the water and settling against your chest. The bathtub is big enough for the water to go past his shoulders and, he feels his entire body relax once he feels your body against his.  

“Comfy?” You check, draping your arms across his chest.  

Yoongi nods, his head leaning back and resting against your left shoulder. Once it lands there, you turn and kiss his temple which then prompts one of his hands to reach up rest on yours. Silently, you place a few more kisses against his hairline, allowing him to decompress however he wants to, not wanting to pressure him into talking about anything.  

And he doesn’t, at least not for a while.  

The only sounds between the two of you are the dribbling of water from the faucet and the low whisper of breathing. Every so often, you kiss his temple, just so he knows that he isn’t alone.

“Seeing my brother is really difficult.” He mumbles, eyes still closed, hand still on top of yours, “Even just seeing his face- it brings back a lot of memories.”

You nod, “I can imagine- especially since it’s been so long.”

Yoongi sighs, his eyes fluttering open and honing in on the ceiling, “I haven’t seen him since I was 18. He came to Sejin’s place just before I moved in with Namjoon. He tried to talk to me to let me know that he was leaving the business but, I barely said anything. I was too angry at him.”

Using your free hand, you rub softly at his chest under the water, silently encouraging him to continue.  

“He never helped me when my father would-” He takes a deep breath through his nose, his throat bobbing as he swallows on the exhale, “the time I told you about, when my father hit me...that wasn’t the only time. It happened often towards the end.”

Your eyes shut momentarily, the pain of Yoongi being harmed stinging your heart like a shot.  

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper, kissing his temple again.

Yoongi’s face turns slightly into your lips, his hand squeezing over yours, “Don’t be. It was a long time ago. I held onto my disappointment in him for a while until I realized something: the only reason my father every laid his hands on me and not Geum-jae hyung was because, I stood up to him.”

“Geum-jae hyung never did and, I think he still carries that regret to this day. I can see it all over his face...” His voice is so low now that it barely makes it above a whisper, his eyes seemingly elsewhere. “Is it wrong that I feel like- like I didn’t just come here to save Sejin’s studio?”

You shake your head, “Not at all...”

He swallows again and takes another deep breath through his nose, “It’s hard you know- during winter break especially; everyone would leave campus and go home for the holidays...and I never knew where to go. For the first two years at school, I spent Christmas alone until Namjoon’s mom finally called me and told me that if I didn’t come back with him, that she was going to make him sleep outside.” He chuckles, smirking slightly at the memory.

Your heart fills with despair then. You didn’t piece it together that Yoongi would have stayed behind during the holiday season. There was so much to unpack from the tragedy that he’s endured; it didn’t even cross your mind.  

“Namjoon’s mom was right to threaten you-” You affirm but then you shake your head, “I don’t think there could be a wrong reason to come here. You deserve to have whatever kind of closure or healing that you need.”  

“I wish I knew what I needed...” He admits, licking his lips before turning towards you, his brown eyes holding all the emotions he can’t vocalize, “I wish everything was as easy as this.”

Following suit, you turn your head so that you’re facing him, “So do I. But I’ll always be here through all the not-so-easy stuff.”

Yoongi smiles then, soft and sweet, delivering a kiss to match. He relaxes into you, brushing his tongue along the inside of your lip just for a moment before pulling away.

“I love you Y/N.”  

“I love you too Yoongi.”  

Eventually, you both got out of the bathtub and into the shower so, that you were able to get clean properly. After a few hours of catching up on missed calls/texts and relaxing, Yoongi gets a text from his brother saying that dinner would be ready in 15 minutes.  

Geum-jae had the finest BBQ in the city delivered and prepared right in his dining room. Banchan lined the center of the table, slabs of meat were grilled one right after the other until the three of you tapped out.  

It passed easier than you thought it would. Yoongi and Geum-jae relaxed in the face of a meal, the conversation flowing effortlessly between them as if no time had passed. It was a touching sight to see and, you hoped that it meant their discussion would come out easier.  

You take your leave after you help clean up, thanking Geum-jae for the incredible food and, letting Yoongi know that you’d be up in the room checking on something for school if he needed anything.  

Which was a total lie but, you needed an excuse to leave them alone for a bit.  

Yoongi feels his heartbeat pick up a bit as he watches you leave the room, the realization of what was coming finally hitting him.  

“Hyung-” He wants to rip the band aid off. “Is it alright if we talk for a moment?”

Geum-jae raises his brows at the switch in languages and nods immediately, gesturing to the table, “Of course. Can we sit here? Or would you rather talk in the living room?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Here is fine.” He sits back down in his original seat and, rubs his palms against his jeans.

Geum-jae takes a seat across from him, gazing expectantly at his younger brother, “What did you want to talk about?”

Despite Yoongi’s anxiety, he understands that being to the point would be the most effective way to communicate. He wasn’t sure if any past issues would come up but, right now his concern was on Sejin.  

“I know that I told you I needed your help with something but-” Yoongi begins, “It isn’t me who needs your help exactly...it’s Sejin.”

Geum-jae purses his lips, his hands coming out to clasp rest on the table, “Is he alright?”

“The landlord for the studio he runs is increasing his rent again and, he doesn’t have the money to keep it open...” Yoongi’s explanation gets a little rushed as he gets more and more nervous, “I have some money in savings to help out with rent for the next few months but, it’s not enough to keep it open long term and-”

Geum-jae cuts him off, “Tell Sejin to call me. I will send a team to his location to sort everything out. It wouldn’t be a bad building to purchase but if Sejin is willing- then maybe he can look at other properties and I’ll have the money wired over to him.”

Yoongi can’t hide the shock on his face, “Wait- are you serious?”

“Of course. Sejin is one of my dearest friends. I owe him a lot for what he’s done over the years.”

In this moment, regret washes over Geum-jae's face, his eyes reaching out to Yoongi’s in hopes that he understands what he’s alluding to.  

And obviously, he does.  

“Why didn’t you just call me?” Geum-jae continues, tilting his head to get a better look at Yoongi’s expression, trying to read him, “I’ve always told you that if you ever needed anything-”

“I haven’t talked to you in 8 years hyung, I wasn’t just going to call and ask you for a favor.”  

Geum-jae nods, his face tightening with solemnity, “I understand.” A brief moment of silence passes between the two of them before a sigh comes from Geum-jae, “There is so much I want to say to you Yoongi, I don’t even know where to begin...”

Yoongi stays quiet.  

He doesn’t know either.  

He just knows that the only way to get rid of the heaviness in his chest is to talk about it.  

“I suppose I could start with an apology.” Geum-jae concludes, shaking his head as a light scoff leaves his lips, “I could never find the words to express how much regret and shame I feel inside. I could never explain how sorry I am for not protecting you, for not being a better example, for not having a backbone, for being selfish...I was blinded by greed. I couldn’t see what was in front of me.”

Yoongi swallows back his emotion, dreading the way his eyes begin to sting.  

Geum-jae continues, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I just want to apologize and tell you that, even though I played no part in the man you’ve become, I am incredibly honored to call you my brother.”

It isn’t easy but, Yoongi manages to contain the tears that desperately want to fall from his eyes. His chest tightens as he hears his brother’s words. He wades through all the bitterness he feels towards him, allowing himself to feel the full force of his approval.  

“I forgave you a long time ago.” Yoongi swallows, avoiding direct eye contact with him, “I just wish I understood your actions. You were my hyung, I thought you would have protected me and-” Yoongi blinks away the tears as quickly as he can, “and I still haven’t been able to accept the fact that you didn’t...”

Geum-jae shakes his head, “I wanted to protect you. I just didn’t know how- I was scared of him too. You had more courage than I did. It doesn’t excuse my actions but, it’s the truth.”

Suddenly, he reaches out and places his hand overtop of Yoongi’s, a pleading expression on his face, “That’s why you got out. That’s why you have a life. You have friends, you’re about to graduate university and, you have Y/N...” Geum-jae's voice breaks at the end, “Because of your strength, you finally found happiness.”

Yoongi looks at his hand, observing the evidence of his life present on his skin. Scars, burns, callouses, needle marks...

“Are you saying that you haven’t?” He asks, still not meeting his brother’s eyes.

“I’m not even close.”

Finally, the two meet each other's gaze. For a moment, they just stare, glistening eyes to glistening eyes. Overcome with years of repressed emotions, fueled by the desperate need to try and break the cycle, they wordlessly convey an unspoken emptiness.  

They have missed each other so much.  

“I am here now.” Geum-jae promises, the first tear dangerously close to falling, “Hyung is here if you’ll have him. I want to be in your life but, I understand if you want nothing to do with me.”

Yoongi blinks now, and the tears land upon his cheeks, “You’re my hyung...” And it really is a desperate proclamation, “...you’ll always be my hyung...”

The chair screeches against the tile, causing Yoongi to jump in his seat until he realizes what his brother is doing. Rounding the table, stands to the side of Yoongi with open arms and his own tears atop his cheeks.

He eyes him for only a few seconds before standing up suddenly and accepting Geum-jae into his arms. The two of them seem to collapse against one another. Yoongi breaks down and sobs in the arms of his older brother.  

Just as he would have when they were young.

When times were hard and he could take shelter behind the one person who made him feel safe, the first person who ever showed him love.  

“I’m so sorry Yoongi-ah.”  

His words cause Yoongi to squeeze his eyes shut as he nods against the expensive fabric of his brother’s dress shirt, “I know.” He sniffles and pats his back, “I know you are.”

Meanwhile...

You’ve been upstairs, straightening up the bedroom and trying to pass the time without worrying excessively about your boyfriend’s well-being.  

Which turns out to be impossible...

Cleaning around the room/bathroom only takes you about 20 minutes before your flopping onto the massive bed and, pulling out your phone. Scrolling through Tik Tok, you hope for a substantial distraction and, lucky for you- one arrives.  

But, it isn’t on Tik Tok...

Jungkook: So you know Jimin right...  

The text from Jungkook confuses you as you’re pretty sure it's like the middle of the night back home and, it’s not like him to text you outside of the group chat.

You: I have heard of him yes

You: Isn’t he like your boyfriend or something?

Jungkook: ha ha

Jungkook: about that

Jungkook: what if he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore?

Your eyes widen and, you immediately sit up in bed and hover anxiously over your phone.

You: !!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Jungkook: shhhhhh don’t yell

Jungkook: my future fiance is sleeping...

You’re about ready to get on a flight back home to kick his ass before your vision focuses on the word he’s just sent.

You: excuse me  

You: YOU’RE WHAT ???????????

Jungkook: …

Jungkook: What did I just tell you smh

You: *whispers* WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT JUNGKOOK

Jungkook: -____-

Jungkook: can I call  

You: ?????? Obviously!!!!

Seconds later, Jungkook’s name illuminates your screen.

“Good evening,” He begins calmly, “I’m having a panic attack...”

You giggle, “What’s going on????”

“Well you see- I am in love with Park Jimin and I fear it may be terminal.”

“Terminal huh? Is that how you describe a lifelong partnership with your one true love?”

“...yes.”

“Jungkook,” You urge him through your laughter, “What is going on?”

You hear him sigh, “I think I’m going to ask Jimin to marry me.”

Squealing, you jump up on your knees, “Wait seriously?! Jungkook!”

“Yah! Don’t yell at me! This is all your fault!”  

“My fault??? How is this my fault?”

“Well technically I guess- it's Yoongi’s fault because, he’s the one that convinced me to get in touch with my feelings or whatever- either way, I am STILL the victim. And now I want to be with him forever and it’s disgusting...”

You flop back against the pillows and laugh again, “If Jimin knew this was how you were telling people you were proposing, he would kill you.”

He doesn’t hesitate, “He’s going to kill me either way Y/N...it’s bad- the other day, he sent me a selfie and, I had heart palpitations for like 15 minutes.”

“If your man doesn’t give you heart palpitations then, that isn’t your man.” You conclude.

“Y/N...” Jungkook whines now, sounding very much like the boy you met back in middle school.

“Jungkook...” You whine back causing him to finally chuckle on the other end of the line.

“I’m scared...”

“I know but, you and Jimin are so perfect for each other, there is no way that this wouldn’t work out.”

“More perfect than you and Yoongi?” He teases, reverting back to being a little shit.

And his question makes you scoff, “Oh sweetheart- obviously not. But second place isn’t bad!”

He laughs now and it’s the full bellied sound that you love hearing.  

“You really think we’re perfect together?”

Despite his inability to see you, you smile at his need for validation,

“Duh. You two are literally soulmates.”

Jungkook is quiet on the other line but when he speaks again, you can hear the giddiness in his voice, “Ok so...will you help me then???”

Back downstairs, Yoongi and Geum-jae are sat at the bar in front of the window that faces his backyard. As he predicted, the rain came back in full force and is now propelling itself against the clean glass. After their emotional encounter in the dining room, Geum-jae suggested that they have a drink together and relax for a moment.  

He had poured each of them a glass of wine, ensuring not to fill his glass up too much.  

“Your girlfriend is a wonderful woman; you made a good choice.”

At the mention of you, Yoongi’s lips twitch, his eyes watching the droplets of water chaotically race down the window, “Thank you. But, it was her who chose me, I’m still working out exactly why.”  

Geum-jae chuckles, “I see you’re still selling yourself short ah? Did you two meet at school?”

Yoongi smirks, “Yeah, we met 6 months ago in my psychology class. She was my partner on our final project.”

“Ah.” He nods, “Things blossomed that way then?”

Yoongi’s heart throbs a bit as his brain begins its recollection of his time with you.  

So much has happened during your relationship, he forgets that he hasn’t known you all his life.

It certainly feels like he has.  

“Yeah.”

Geum-jae chuckles, “You’re so reserved about her.”

Yoongi knows what he means. In the Min family, you always say things as they are. You don’t sugarcoat your sentiments and you definitely don’t play coy.  

“I can’t help it-” He admits, and he can feel the heat on his cheeks now, “I find it difficult to talk about her...”

His brother bites his bottom lip, unable to help how endeared he is, “Can I ask why?”

Yoongi leans his cheek against the palm of his hand, still focusing on the rain, “It’s overwhelming.”

Geum-jae seems to understand but he chuckles anyway, “Do you plan on marrying her?”

His question hangs in the air for a moment. Yoongi’s brain once again travels elsewhere, and he is bombarded with images of you walking down the aisle. He has to take a deep breath as he forces the thoughts out of his head; he’s cried enough this evening.

“I would marry her tomorrow.”  

Geum-jae's laughter increases now but now it bubbles over his lips in an excited fashion.

“Yahhhh! Look at that eh?” He congratulates him, “It’s safe to say you’re off the market for good then? Because I have a few of my friends who have been asking about you.”

This finally makes Yoongi laugh as he turns towards him, “That’s flattering.” He means it too but, he speaks the next set of words with all of the conviction he can muster, “There is no one else for me though.”  

Geum-jae grins proudly and with a raise to his brows, he lifts his glass, “Well, let’s drink to that then.”

The clinking of crystal signifies so much. For now though, Yoongi allows it to represent the future and, all of the possibilities it may bring.  

[felassan]

DA4 Lead Producer Scylla Costa’s BIG Festival talk, “Challenges of Dragon Age production during the pandemic”, can currently be rewatched on YouTube here starting roughly at timestamp 8:57:02 after a lil presenter blurb/intro. It’s 1 hour long. When it was streamed live, there was an English translation ‘voiceover’. There isn’t in this vid, however I want to post the link for Portuguese speakers, and also it’s neat for everyone to be able to see all the slides he presented with for themselves in context.

I don’t know if an English-language version will get put up so I’m sharing the notes I took during the talk below, in case anyone’s interested and because I might as well since I wrote them. The rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

Edit: Found a place to re-watch the English version of the talk

(Quick note: I didn’t note down everything, mostly things that caught my interest, so this isn’t exhaustive, and when I was watching I was real tired, so pls bear that in mind and don’t take these notes as bullet-proof 100% accurate gospel or direct quotes. If you watched it and think I’ve written down something wrong/misunderstood, let me know and I’ll fix. Also if you’re a Portuguese speaker and I’ve gotten something incorrect or missed something important etc, again just let me know.) **

** Edit: I’ve now gone through my notes while watching the talk again. I’ve filled in some of the gaps (although they still don’t cover everything said) and so forth, and now I’m no longer worried about there being possible errors in this post.

-----

For some context, this slide contained the breakdown of the talk’s structure. Bear in mind there are other slides present in the talk than the ones I’ve posted here, I didn’t include caps of all of them, just ones which were of note to me.

In the talk, chief Producer Scylla goes over challenges of DA4 production during the pandemic. He discusses the adaptations - necessary skills and learning from remote work - and he ponders on the future of teamwork.

After the launch of ME3 he became a producer, all his MMO and other experience helped a lot. He was on DAI for 3 years and MEA for 9 months, then Anthem. Today, on DA4, Scylla and another Lead Producer were the heads of the whole project, and there is his boss is the Executive Producer Christian Dailey. 

^ the usual AAA game development cycle (brief introduction)

AAA games are games that are launched for several platforms simultaneously. 

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase of the game development cycle can have from 5 - 30 people, and up to almost 60 people when they’re just about to go through the gate to production. 

In the pre-production phase, they go through the game’s concepts and prototypes and start developing systems. They seek the game’s concept and focus, and its key features. They do lots of market research. In the case of BioWare, all their games are strong in narrative, so they have lots of tools related to game narratives and supporting the development of a narrative (cinematic design, dialogue system etc) that get focused on in this phase. Other parts of the team such as writers and cinematic design need these systems to do their own roles. 

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase through to launch can take 4 - 6 years, but it does depend on the size of the team during development.

With regards to Dragon Age 4, they were coming close to the time when they would shift from pre-production to the production stage when the pandemic hit.

During the production phase is when the development of content and features takes place, with the systems mostly already existing from the pre-production phase. A few new systems may be developed in this phase. In the production phase is when things start escalating, and the team really starts growing, to like 2- or 3-fold the prior pre-production phase size. 

(DA4 is currently in the production phase.)

In the alpha phase, features have to be fully implemented and systems all have to be running / working. All the game features should already be in the game by now. They test from pre-production onwards, but this phase is when they run heavy technical tests with lots of players trying to play at the same time. In the beta phase, the idea is that you should now have full content and that now you’re balancing it and running more and lots of different tests with players before launch. There are final tweaks and then the final launch, when in the weeks prior to launch, all the different business units and areas e.g. marketing team, technology team, publishing team, get together once a day and all of the game’s issues are reported and brought to the table to be prioritized. Then they decide the next steps re: these issues (this is known as ‘the war room’).

After the launch there are usually patches like day zero patches and other patches, this being standard industry practise. The last stage is the new content stage where there are DLCs and a game with more content.

On March 12th 2020, the team gathered to review the DA4 story in the new office. Everyone was very excited. (They had spent over 10 years in their last building and had noticed that with the team growing they needed more space. In August 2019 they found the new studio in the city center.)

Anyway that evening, they got an email from the CEO which contained instructions and said that due to the pandemic, they should from now all start working remotely. They had known that this happening was a possibility so they had been planning on how to have all the devs working from home, but initially less than 50% of the devs were able to work from home successfully/efficiently due to various issues e.g. you need a VPN to be able to log in remotely to do your job normally, varying home office setups. The day after this, the office was basically deserted, except for Scylla, the IT infrastructure people and one or two odd devs.

Scylla was part of the team that was working on allowing the devs to work from home. They first started looking at the short-term changes they needed to make to allow this.

“First, take care of our developers”. 

When the pandemic first hit, their and Scylla’s [as Lead Producer] first priority was to look after the devs. Many of them are parents (schools and day-cares were shut, children were studying from home), others have relatives living with them, others have other personal circumstances which of course need to be taken into account when it comes to assessing what needs to be taken into consideration for this new scenario. So, they looked at each dev on a case-by-case basis in order to evaluate, speaking to each one and asking them what they could do to support them.

One of the first changes/adaptations they could implement was flexible working hours and flexibility around deadlines. Generally speaking the devs got a lot of support, EA was really good and really supported the devs especially in the first months of the pandemic (and they are still supporting them). Initially not all devs had suitable office spaces at home, some were working from the living room from laptops or at the kitchen table. The whole covid situation basically just happened over night and nobody was really ready to deal with that change. So their first step was to enable their devs to work remotely. As a producer, Scylla’s main task is to communicate with the team such as via a number of daily meetings. He doesn’t depend so much on powerful hardware.

“Enable developers to work remotely”.

This slide shows some of a BioWare audio team. Different teams have varying and specific needs in order to do their jobs and therefore in order to do them remotely. For example, the audio team need good-quality speakers and amplifiers, while the lighting and art teams need other specific equipment such as tablets and large screens. So there was a lot of work they had to do to go through each dev to understand their individual needs and what needed to be done for them. ‘Could they download the builds? Did they have the right performance [tech-wise]? Could they submit their changelists, their codes to the server?’

Some devs needed a more powerful internet connection as it would take 6-8 hours to download a build (some devs live rurally). Some needed a lot of cable, as they were working far away from their routers (sometimes up to 50m). As time went by things got better and better. 

The chair devs work from is also important; a kitchen able chair etc is not suitable to sit in for long-term desk work, possibly leading to health issues like back ache and blood circulation problems in the legs.

Every 3 months they had money given to help devs buy new mice, keyboards, monitors - anything they needed really in order for their office setting at home to be improved. For a while, because lots of people [generally, in society] were needing and buying them, it was quite hard to buy things like webcams and microphones.

On mid- and long-term changes:

In terms of DA, we have to look at this from 2 perspectives, the change in the personal and the professional environments. 

As a consequence of working from home, people tend to be less active during the day (even in an office, you go between meeting rooms, up and down stairs etc). Physical activity supports life quality and therefore work quality. Scylla noticed that he began to feel listless and such, and found that he needed to change his routine that he had initially developed when he started working from home, for example; having a normal start time (as in, have a semblance of structure in your day as if you were still working in the office site), get dressed at the normal time, not having meetings over lunch etc. This wasn’t just him, lots of other devs encountered this and had this experience too. Devs which adapted faster had better productivity and became more productive faster.

Scylla bought a stand-up desk which he can raise up and down, and at meetings he would be delivering a talk while standing or even while walking on a treadmill. Other devs also got stand-up desks. He tracked his body’s data on a Fitbit. These sorts of things helped improve physical and mental wellbeing. Other devs did similar things, like starting going out for jogs or began practising yoga. Essentially, everyone needed to make changes to their daily routine in comparison to what they had been doing prior to the pandemic. 

The pandemic has been a thing for over a year now. In their location, every couple of weeks a new restriction is put into place or a rule is changed, and every two weeks there’s a new thing that you can and can’t do. Scylla also started moving around his property. He worked on his desk, fixed it up and painted - taking up a new hobby. Other devs picked up new hobbies too. These are good ways to be active and also to be somewhere else, i.e. to break up the working day and not be spending it all in one home office-type location. Scylla found that when he made these sorts of changes to his routine to improve his lifestyle, the data output by his Fitbit as indicators of his health/wellbeing etc improved, e.g. number of steps taken in a day, heartbeats per minute while at rest. As stated many of the other devs went through a similar process.

On the professional side of things:

They had to improve remote delivery of builds. Accessing things from home as a dev requires a VPN. They need to download a build every day and then upload it to the server after making their changes to the game. They had to work with infrastructure and research other tech, such as streaming tech to allow remote console access, in order to better facilitate this process. For remote access, they also had to work on adapting communications channels.

“Adapting channels of communication.”

In this slide, the team are working on the storyboards. Before you can implement motion capture & performance capture, you have to ‘run the storyboards’ like this. These are small illustrating drawings which reflect the drafts and are meant to quickly reflect the intention of the scenes that are to be built. Before the pandemic, the team would go to meeting rooms like this, sit down, talk and interact in person. After the pandemic, the question became ‘How do you do this over Zoom?’ You can, but it’s not quite the same; it’s harder to see peoples’ expressions, some people are embarrassed speaking over Zoom etc. Therefore they had to adapt their communications systems, and unlearn the ways in which they developed before in order to relearn and learn new ways of communicating.

Slack was a tool that they adopted on this front. Communications channels can be confusing on Slack, so there was a need to develop structure. For example, how quickly should someone reply (as a recommended convention for the purposes of work)? They had to define the process/procedures for the channels so it was clear for the team as a whole how it would all flow (this is important especially if you have a team with say 30 people or as a whole hundreds of people). Before the pandemic, they had stand-up meetings where they’d go around in a circle every morning and talk about their activities - what they’re going to be working on, any roadblocks they had encountered etc. The question arose ‘How do you replace these?’ They ended up doing Slack messages at a certain time of day and updating their statuses with some details on what they’re working on and color-coding (green - fine, yellow - need help, red - busy/blocked out).

Another issue that they faced was unforeseen - the number of meetings that devs were having really shot through the roof. When there wasn’t a good structure of communications channels, any conversation would become a meeting. Everybody began scheduling meetings left and right, and at the end of the day they would have little time left in which to actually work on their to-do lists. Hence, they had to work with the team to really analyze and be very pragmatic. ‘Which meetings needed to happen? Which didn’t? Is a specific meeting really necessary? Which meetings should be recurring? What can be done over Slack?’ This guideline had to be given to the team to help, and it improved things a lot. The number of meetings decreased a lot and they got more effective. For example, by making sure to set an agenda for meetings beforehand, and by having meeting notes (then a dev who didn’t really need to be at a meeting could skip attending and just quickly review the notes output after instead). They also decreased the standard length of meeting times from the default Outlook blocks of 1 hour and 30 mins to 55 mins and 25 mins respectively. This 5 minute change gave devs time for things like bio breaks (also 4 hours in a row at a computer in a home office with one meeting after another just isn’t good for a person).

“Adapting p-cap and mocap”.

On content:

From a content point of view, the most difficult thing in terms of the pandemic was adapting p-cap and mocap (performance capture and motion capture). They hire actors and it’s a large studio. The pandemic meant big limits to what they could and couldn’t do. The actors had to be masked and 5 meters apart in distance (although it doesn’t look like it in some of these shots due to angles). Also there could be no other person around in the studio - only the actors. The directors instead would ‘patch’ in remotely on big screens (you can see this in the second photo in the top right). 

Before the pandemic, they felt that they wouldn’t be able to do p-cap or mocap properly remotely, as the directors would usually stand right next to actors giving guidance on their performance. The techs would also usually be near. But they adapted! The keyword is adapting, changing process. It’s harder and it’s different, but it is possible, and people start rethinking what is possible. What was said to be impossible before now is possible.

P-cap differs to mocap in that it also captures voice and facial expressions.

On the future of work after covid:

There will probably be more working from home and more flexibility for workers e.g. being able to work say 3 out of 5 days from home. It does depend on what a dev’s specific job is however. For example, the audio engineers require lots of specialist equipment and said equipment is of higher quality and quantity in the office. So, depending on role, devs might be working more often or less often from home.

Another development is that lots of devs are moving house. In lockdown etc people started reassessing what’s most important in life. Some are moving further away from the studio to get a cheaper rent or for example couples who both needed an office space to work from home from but their current place only had one area. Others are moving closer to nature for a better quality of life, and still others have other different reasons for doing so. Over 10 devs that he knows in fact have recently moved, including Scylla himself.

The pandemic changed certain skills being used by people on a daily basis. Scylla used as an example of this one of his soft skills, being able to tell from looking/interacting in-person with someone if they are stressed out. Obviously it’s less easy to tell if someone is stressed out when you’re remote, so you adapt different ways of checking in with people in the new situation. To continue carrying out his role as Lead Producer, he began checking in with his team pro-actively on the new comms channels and asking how they were doing.

Also, now that companies are more open to working remotely, there is going to be increased competition for hiring devs. They saw both sides of this coin at BioWare. They were able to hire devs from many places that they couldn’t hire from before e.g. Montreal, Vancouver, the US, as there’s less need for devs to relocate to Edmonton or Austin. This opens up opportunities to hire really intelligent and skilled people that they would not have had access to before.

Question and answer segment:

The pre-production phase has been concluded. They’re in the production phase.

They are not giving out a lot of details yet but Scylla is really excited as a big fan of the whole series. He thinks that with DA4, they will have the opportunity/possibility to launch the best story out of all DA games. He feels that the characters they’re making are amazing. He’s dying to say more but can’t. 

When you work from home you need to keep your team as productive as possible. During the pandemic, when people started working from home, they noticed that some people became more productive and some people became less productive. They were analyzing it on a case-by-case basis so as not to make assumptions. They were interested in seeing what they could do to help. At the beginning of the pandemic, they were looking at the devs as people and seeing what they needed.

Production of DA4 still needed to continue during the pandemic because they want to be able to launch the game.

This slide shows a writer. Writing is an example of a role which is more able to work from home easily.

Their productivity did go down in the first month of the pandemic. After adaptations, some people then became more productive than they were before (this was role and personal situation-dependent, examples of this being artists and coders who were able to art and code at home without being interrupted, thereby being able to produce more). Covid has affected productivity in general, but this is part of our new reality. They have adapted and adjusted some deadlines. They have enough data (Scylla LOVES data) now to understand how long it will take them/how long they’ll need to launch the game. They have always had historical data for this purpose, but they’re doing more of this sort of thing now to ensure that they are doing things at the right time.

Remote hiring opens up the door to more talent joining, so if someone has talent geography will hold them back less. Some companies though may choose not to hire people from other countries due to labor issues, cumbersome legal aspects, time zones. But even in such cases there are activities for example that can be carried out while the rest of the team is asleep such as testing or working on the build, or there are cases where those companies still will want to hire a specifically/highly talented person even in spite of the potential legal aspects and so on.

On mental health: People were affected. There is the mental, physical and social impacts of the pandemic situation on people. EA supported them during the pandemic in terms of their mental wellbeing, there are specific companies (services offered, speaking to a therapist) that they can contact if they need something or help. EA had always been good at supporting them with this sort of thing but this has improved further during the pandemic. Another change was that they could/can take a couple of days off if they needed/need to because of the pandemic e.g. to take care of children, who were obviously not at school at the time. As a producer he had to be very mindful of all of this. How much they were monitoring peoples’ wellbeing really went up during the pandemic.

A question that was asked - in terms of DA4′s storybeats, is there anything in there that they decided to change due to the pandemic as it wouldn’t be sensitive or appropriate to include anymore, for example a plague plotline or something? Scylla’s answer is that DA and ME are games in which they try to have narratives that are relatable, which include things which people will identify with, so that players understand what characters are going through etc. Nothing in DA4′s plotline/storybeats has been changed (in the frame of this question, relating to the pandemic), as it didn’t have anything in it that could be specifically or a directly connected to a pandemic-type situation or anything. Of course the DA story has Blights and the Taint, but these are different & fantastical things and existed long before the pandemic situation. So this wasn’t the case with DA4 and there was no need to change anything, but this has happened to other games where they decided to change a storyline due to a strong correlation with something in the real world.

There were then concluding/closing remarks. The message he wants to send is that a crisis will always spark opportunities. Look at a crisis and try to see how you can grow.

-----

[☕ found this post interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

[storm-driver]

hi, i’ve been dead on here since december, here’s an explanation of what happened.

i cut off a lot of people. 

and i mean, a lot. not naming names, i’m not here to start shit. but if you saw me talking about people a lot in the past/reblogging from them and i’m suddenly not anymore, you can guess what happened. 

i’m not going into detail either, because that’s just asking to start shit. i’m not divulging anything beyond the vaguest of details. do not ask me about what happened. there’s friends i have already talked to about all this and they’ve helped me take the strides i needed to mentally recover. 

there’s no ill blood on my end for what happened, but i cannot be around those certain people anymore. either for my sake or their’s. we didn’t have the cleanest parting, but we reached an agreement where i left and moved on. whatever they’re doing, beyond my comprehension. and frankly, i don’t care. 

with all that outta the way, hello! it’s been a very long time since i’ve been consistently active. 

for those worried about me or what i’m doing, i am heavily more active on Twitter nowadays. i am currently invested in ffxiv and arknights, while dipping my interests in more things like persona, genshin impact, apex legends, etc. 

i started using a new name over a year ago. that name is Raine. however, Storm is still a perfectly acceptable name to call me if you so choose. i won’t take offense from either one. whatever pronouns still work for me, take your pick. 

as for the state of some of my writing, i do apologise for how long it’s taken me to get back to working on AAR. that work was my pride and joy back in the day, but lately, it’s hard for me to bring myself to do anything with any kind of writing. i’ve been heavily depressed for the past few months and because of my rapidly changing interests, i can barely hold a candle to a flame for longer than a week. 

i’m dealing with a lot of convoluted feelings. like realising where some of my trauma is coming from, how i developed anxiety, even some feelings of affection for people which goes beyond platonic. 

times are rough in my head, and i’m struggling to work through it. i’ve given up on college until the pandemic subsides. i’m only working part-time because my workplace refuses to give me more hours, and hours that agree with my body, at that. 

i lost my cat just a few weeks ago, and i’m mentally preparing to lose one of my dogs as well. there’s a lot going on with me that’s starting to make it hard to keep going about a normal life. 

though, i want to address one main concern that i myself have, maybe not anyone else: continuing my writing. 

AAR was a passion project that took off really fast in the KH community. i gradually needed to take on help to keep up with the story i wanted to unveil. but i’ve since cut contact with the people who helped me write it. either by listening to me bounce ideas, or helping me edit everything after i’d finished writing. i’m now working on it completely alone. 

it hasn’t gotten an update in over 2 years. i released a partial update back in December, hoping that would help reignite my flame to keep writing it until it was finished. but that flame was extinguished after i had a falling out with many different people. 

i don’t intend to invite anyone to help me write it. it’s a project i hold dear to my heart, and my heart weighs heavy knowing how long i’ve left it sitting there. it’s my job to finish it as i gather myself back up, and i won’t let it remain half-finished for people to find and lose hope of seeing an ending to. 

i might sound like i’m taking this a little too seriously. after all, it’s just a fanfiction on the internet. what the hell am i so worried for?

it’s more...a promise. to myself and to other people who have found the fic and likened to it. again, it was a passion project to start with. nothing more than fun lil stories about characters i loved. and it developed into something i found other people enjoyed, as well. and it’s become something i pride myself over to get finished and present to others, that they may see something i poured my heart into and find they might just like it as well. 

i’m not making claims or promises on when it’ll be updated next. just that it will. and i’ll let everyone know when that is. for now, i just hope my absence on writing it hasn’t come off as me abandoning the story, or anyone else. i’ve been having a rough time of it lately, and i desperately needed to reorganise myself for my own health and safety. i’ve been doing that for about 5 months now. and i’ll continue to do that as i keep working on my writing. 

thank you for your time. please take care of yourself today, and find something to smile at! 

[bigskydreaming]

I’m still thinking through names I like for Cass better than Orphan or Black Bat (which I don’t hate like I do Orphan, but I’ve always felt that the name Black Bat came more out of just ‘come up with something franchise themed’ than trying to find something for Cass specifically), for when she’s not Batgirl or Steph is instead. Not for any particular project or anything, I’ve just been stuck on that train of thought since falling onto it the other day.

I think I’ve given up on it being Red themed lol. My dreams for Batfam symmetry are doomed to come to naught. C’est la vie.

Currently though most of the ideas I have are all central to or revolving around communication or connection, because I honestly think those are thematically so PIVOTAL to who Cass is.....but the danger is something like that coming across as ironic due to Cass not being particularly talkative in a lot of peoples’ interpretations or views, and its absolutely not meant to be, not for the reasons I’m thinking.

Like because the thing about her childhood is....there’s so much to focus on that was fucked up about what David Cain put her through, its impossible to have a specific place to ‘start’. But I think something that definitely at least has to be way up there is the isolation he forced her to live most of her early life in. Deprived of even the POSSIBILITY of connection to others. Because connection is so fundamental to what makes us human. As well as to what makes Cass “Cass.” Cass THRIVES due to the connections she chooses for herself. Don’t get me wrong, she’s fully capable on her own, its not about suggesting she’s reliant on them.....for me, its more about the triumph of her having the freedom and CHOICE now to connect herself to as many people as she chooses, when originally her father had meant for her to basically exist APART from society. Emphasizing the importance of connection and communication to Cass is like, a definite fuck you to her dad and his plans for her, a symbol of her freedom and independence. 

But also its not JUST that, because its also just about the sheer joy of connecting for Cass, because its the fulfillment of dreams she never really expected to become reality. Because as much as her life with David defined a large portion of her childhood, she was also shaped in no small part by the years she spent on her own....where even though she was out from under Cain’s thumb, she was still influenced by the specter of him and everything he’d ever said to her. She kept herself apart from society for the most part, even though now technically she was free to mingle among it if she chose....because she felt guilt-ridden over the death she’d been party to though it had never truly been her fault and she was very much Cain’s victim there as well as the man who died, rather than him being her victim.

But the point is, a lot of the second half of her childhood was spent in silence as well, albeit self-imposed silence....except also no, fuck that, it wasn’t self-imposed because she was still suffering from the trauma of her worldview being so heavily shaped and influenced by her abusive fucknugget of a father, who’d essentially spent years convincing her that words weren’t for her, that communication, that connection, those were things for people other than her but would forever elude her because she just wasn’t BORN to partake in those things. She stayed outside of society, made no real effort to figure out if she COULD learn to communicate like others did, because her abuse in no small part had revolved around making her believe it was just her place to be silent, her role. That a weapon didn’t need words.

So in the family and fulfillment Cass found later in Barbara and Bruce and Steph and others, like.....it wasn’t just about her finding companionship or even a sense of purpose or direction......she found a voice. Even if she speaks more with sign than out loud or even if she has trouble translating her thoughts into words or sign language due to learning disability or the like, Cass very much COMMUNICATES, she connects, she has things to say, and she more than anyone understands the importance of a voice, whether spoken or written or signed, of the power inherent in just being able to use it and express oneself.

And its equally key that Bruce and Babs and others didn’t GIVE that to her, because how could they? It was something she had all along because the reality is no matter how hard he tried, it was something Cain couldn’t truly take from her. All he could do (and make no mistake, I use “all he could do” to emphasize the ultimate failure of his attempts to control her rather than to dilute the extent of trauma his abuse did inflict) - but even his attempts to cut her off from people and isolate her via an inability to communicate.....they relied wholly on denying her the tools and opportunities to learn how to make use of her voice, of the things she wanted and needed to say. 

So its not a gift that Babs and Bruce bestowed on her, because it wasn’t something anyone COULD give her anymore than it could fully be taken from her. But they did help her find that she had things to say and she had ways to say them. That she deserved to be heard and understood as much as anybody, and that she had so much in her that had just been waiting for someone to tell it to and ways for her to do that. They helped show her how to connect her voice to the right audiences for it, to communicate to people who would hear her and as Batgirl and Black Bat.....to people who NEEDED to hear her. For whom the things she could communicate via her actions and protection as much as anything else.....like that was a message they needed to hear themselves due to the abusers and villains in their own lives.

And I just see that as so.....triumphant for Cass is the word I honestly keep going back to the most.

I’ve called Dick’s approach to vigilantism his form of performance art. Carrying something that holds great importance to him even if others might overlook its significance, into what he does as a vigilante in ways that everyone he helps benefits from. Even if they don’t realize that his light-hearted performances even while sweeping them out of the path of danger is as much to help buffer them from the trauma of what is happening to them and how much they’ve already suffered.....those are as much a part of his aim to protect and make peoples’ lives better as his actual martial arts.

In the same sense, I consider Cass’ approach to vigilantism her form of connectivity. Its her message to people who need to hear, to see, to believe that there is help for them out there, that there is someone who wants to come for them, someone who wants to bring them out of whatever hole or isolation or danger they’ve fallen or been forced into....they need this as much as Cass needs it to be able to say look at me, look at my actions, I did that, I said that, that was ME.

For Cass, I feel vigilantism is about finding her voice, finding ways to put into message form others can understand even on a primal level the things she wants to communicate, that she wishes had been communicated earlier to her...that everyone deserves to be connected, to have connections, and to just....speak. In whatever form they can or choose to.

Its about the ability and freedom to use her voice, to impart her messages....and see those things have IMPACT. Be heard. Seen. Communicated.

And for those reasons I keep coming back to something like Songbird, but its ugh....its such a Catch 22. It would be so easy to misconstrue, but honestly I think it fits what I’m describing so well and like.....whatever, ultimately it doesn’t matter since this is just a headcanony thing anyway and not going to actually change anything, but like....I am The Undecided.

(Also I know Marvel already has a Songbird, but a) I dont care, like Marvel is stupid so umm why would that even matter yeah thats what I thought and b) I mean Songbird is an easy name to attach to any color one wants to make part of her name and ascribe particular significance to. Like she could be Red Songbird? Scarlet Songbird? Yes? No? Give up the dream Kalen, Big Red, Middle Red and Lil’ Red just ain’t it? Ugh, fine. Booo.)

But anyway, that’s what I’ve been musing on.

[summonerscenarios]

What if the summoners had a Christmas party.

Everyone is happy including husbandmail.

But the she notice Toji in the corner of the room what will she do?

Bonus: after the party 🥳 Toji and husbandomail Have an evening walk through town and at some point when their stopped their notice a mistletoe above their heads.

ASDFGHJHGFD BOY OH BOY HAS THIS ONE BEEN A LONG TIME COMING. ALLOW ME TO REITERATE THAT I SUCK AT DIALOGUE (especially Toji cause like i suck at it so bad lmao) BUT I REALLY TRIED WITH THIS ONE! (Also had to make this a lil cheesy cause if this really happened Jo would kick out Toji’s knees and that wouldn’t be very fluffy at all lmao) @husbandomail HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!

---------

The party is in full swing by the time it gets dark outside, and doesn’t show any sign of slowing down any time soon. It had taken a lot of work to get everyone in the same place, on top of setting everything up to look perfect and it showed - Jo had spent so long helping Hanuman stringing up decorations from the ceiling, getting frames and cards and signs pinned to the walls, on top of just about every other task that went into setting up the festive mood. By the time they were done everything looked amazing, but she was more than happy to have the chance to relax and sit down before people started coming in for the celebrations. 

Jo had taken a seat close by the doors with a hot drink and made herself comfortable, and from the safety of her perch she could look out over the room, eyes scanning the crowd to take everything in. She was met with a sea of familiar faces, the Summoners scattered about the room taking part in the various activities that had been brought into the event room specifically for the party. On the far right of the room Jo could smell the food from the main table, a mixture of dishes both made for the occasion and plates that people had brought in to accompany the main food having made them themselves. Jo could see some of her own dishes among the table, not that she’d ever admit to anyone that she’d gone out of her way to cook them - when Shiro had caught her up in the early hours that same day making food for the party, she’d had to get him to swear secrecy. She’d be so worried that they wouldn’t like the food, but seeing how everyone had all but picked the trays clean over the course of the party had made a rush of pride swell up in her chest at the sight.

She could see Agyo, Kijumuna and Ryota currently swarming the table, picking things from the selection with bright smiles. Jo watches Kiji as he keeps turning to Agyo and Ryota and offering to feed them some of the food from his plate, a sight that is honestly kind of cute as it quickly devolves into the three of them sharing their favorite foods to see if the other likes them. Not too far away from the table there’s a handful of the Summoners in a mix of sitting and laying on the floor, all of them crowded together as they watch the screen that R-19’s projecting from his arm. She has no idea how they’d managed to get the android to use his function to connect to one of Hanuman’s consoles, but it works like a charm, and Kengo and Hanuman have been competing in a multiplayer, getting increasingly more rambunctious with every win and lose. They’d even coaxed Gullinbursti into playing, though it had taken more than a little while of explaining the rules of the game and what button corresponds to what before he was actually able to play. Hanuman’s a far better mentor than he’s given credit for, at least when it comes to video games, but the first few rounds where poor Gull had been staring baffled between the screen and the controller were undeniably adorable when you’d watched him getting the hang of it. Shiro and Moritaka are spectating the game, though they switch between watching the game and talking between one another, sharing a pleasant conversation as they move to take a seat next to R-19 talking about something that Jo can’t make out over the music that’s winding through the room from the music player. 

Everyone seems to be having fun, and it’s a well deserved break from everything that’s been happening recently. But as Jo’s eyes look over the group she realizes that there’s just three things missing. Suddenly there’s a sigh next to her and a familiar face slides into view.

“Boy, you sure know how to set up a party, Jo~ - I’ve talked to enough people to last me the year!” Juno hops onto the nearby table, crossing her legs and dropping her chin to rest in her hands as she fixes her friend a lax grin. 

There’s one.

“Agreed - but I’m definitely gonna nab a round with Kengo on that game next round!” Another voice pipes up, and sure enough Fel joins the duo and leans against the doorframe, playing with the tinsel decorating the wall as she flashes a similar grin in Jo’s direction.

And there’s two.

Jo’s got a sinking feeling the two of them are planning something when the pair sigh dramatically and lean a little closer, and she buries her attention back into her drink, hoping the hot drink will delay the conversation she feels coming on. There’s another exaggerated sigh before Juno huffs.

“It’s a shame though,” she begins “that someone seems a bit lonely~” 

At first Jo thinks that they’re talking about her being sat alone, but when Juno shuffles to the side and jabs a thumb behind her, Jo realizes who she was on about. 

Ah - there’s three.

Toji’s over in the far corner of the room, switching between watching the other Summoners mull about the event room, and looking out of the window he’s resting against the windowsill. His arms are folded, and like the others, he’s shed his usual uniform for something more warmer and festive, donning his usual winter outfit barring the bright red christmas sweater that you’re sure Ryota was able to wrangle him into wearing specifically for the occasion. From here, Jo can’t gauge what he’s thinking - as reigned in as he can be, it’s been fairly easy for her to guess at least how he’s feeling when she needs to; it’s almost kind of funny how easy it is, but this time she can’t. 

When Jo looks back to Fel and Juno the pair are sticking her with knowing looks, and in response Jo fixes them with a look of her own and hides her face behind her mug even though by this point it’s gone cold.

“Joooo~”

“No”

 “But he’s on his own!”

“Don’t care”

“You sure you don’t want to go over and say hi~?”

“Absolutely not”

Jo’s firm, but the pair are equally as stubborn, and soon enough Jo can feel her resolve wavering under the gazes of her friends. They know damn well how she feels about Toji - and if she has anything to say about it, they’ll be the only ones - so Jo has a pretty good idea of the matchmaking scheme that they’re trying to pull by asking her to go over. The three of them stare each other down.

And stare.

And stare.

And then Jo sighs, placing her mug on the empty table space next to Juno as she moves to stand up.

She doesn’t miss the whispered ‘yes!’ between Fel and Juno as she escapes from the table and slows down her steps the closer she gets to where Toji is. For a moment she wonders if she can just veer over to where the others are playing video games and get lost in the conversation as they place; but then she notices that Toji’s turned away from the window, and when his eyes glance over the room again his gaze catches hers. 

“Hey, Toji” Jo greets him as approaches “What’s wrong, not in the celebrating mood?”

“No, I’m...watching” he responds, after a beat of pause, and Jo tilts her head at the reply.

“Watching?”

Toji nods towards the Summoners right as a chorus of laughter rips through the room, Hanuman jumping up and down with a triumphant grin as the results screen flashes on the screen. Everyone’s laughing and smiling, expressions bright and free of any kind of worry - it’s a welcome respite from the usual worries that each of them have been going through this past year. Jo’s quick to piece things together, and quirks a brow as she asks.

“Not used to seeing so many happy faces?”

Toji hums with a nod, and Jo pipes up and motions over to the group.

“You can join in too, y’know. Pretty sure you could beat Kengo at the next level if you can beat Fel to the controller”

“Over my dead body!” comes the yelled response from the other side of the room, right as a controller goes sailing across the room for Fel to catch. Jo can’t help but sigh at the sight, shaking her head before looking back to Toji, who’s looking back out of the window

“Come and join the party, it’ll be fun!”

Toji seems to consider Jo’s offer, and it looks like she might actually convince him to join as he looks back towards the window before answering, only to do a double take and pause.

“Jo, look.”

That catches her attention.

“Yeah? what’s-?

A hand on her shoulder stops Jo mid-sentence and she looks up at Toji, brows furrowed wondering what’s up when she follows his line of sight outside the window. Small white specks land onto the glass, starting out with just one or two, but soon enough more follow, and before she knows it it’s starting to snow. The sight of the snow falling, the soft orange glow of both the inside lights and the lamps outside illuminating them as they fall, has Jo enraptured - when was the last time she’d seen snow? 

Her fingers brush against the glass, leaning closer to the glass to look outside and get a better look. With her attention captured on the sight outside, Jo misses Toji glancing at her from the corner of his eye, expression softening as he looks at her eyes, bright and full of wonder as the reflection of the christmas lights dances along the side of her face from this angle. She seems lost in thought, mulling over something in her head as she gazes through the glass and Toji’s expression is fond, though it lasts only briefly before the moment is broken.

“IT’S SNOWING!” 

Toji has no idea who yells it, but in a flash Hanuman, Kengo and Fel are bolting for the door, the latter diving under the two and racing outside with the other two hot on her heels. Sure enough the others follow their lead with varying degrees of excitement, and in that moment Jo seems to catch herself and shakes herself from her reverie, taking advantage of the sudden excitement to follow the others outside, turning back towards Toji as though to make sure that he’s coming too. Toji doesn’t hesitate to follow her outside, the two of them trailing behind the rest of the Summoners as they listen to the conversation and laughter echoing down the hall.

--------

The party, thankfully, doesn’t take long at all to clean up, but by the time Jo’s finished she’s the only one left as she puts the last of the chairs away, grabbing her coat and shucking it on as she prepares for the solo walk back home. What she doesn’t expect is to find someone outside waiting for her to come outside.

It’s a hilarious reflection of that valentine’s fiasco the year before, where Toji’d very nearly ran her through with his swords thinking she was an enemy when she was just waiting to walk back with him; this time the tables are turned, and Toji’s got his coat on and scarf wrapped snug around his neck when he greets her just outside of the event hall doors. His offer to walk her home takes Jo by surprise - it sounds kind of cheesy being escorted back late at night by a cute boy while it’s snowing, like something out of a christmas movie, but Jo doesn’t entirely hate the sound of that idea. Toji seems just as surprised at her acceptance, but almost immediately straightens up and falls in stride with Jo’s footsteps as she begins walking.

The peace is a welcome change, and Toji’s surprisingly pleasant company to travel with - there’s no need for forced conversation, no need to wrack your brain for something to say or listen to someone ramble. It’s nice, and Jo finds herself eager to take a little detour through the shopping district to admire some of the lights that had been set up for the coming festivities on the way back. The cold temperature makes her skin tingle, cheeks growing rosy as she burrows further into her coat and looks around at the lights illuminating their path trying to burn them into memory. Who knows the next time these lights are going to be up? How long is this merriment going to last before the break ends? 

There’s one particular building that catches her attention - they’ve gone all out on the lights, shaping a few strings of bulbs so that they’re shaped like a ferris wheel, and the way that they blink and shift colors almost makes it look as though it’s moving. She’ll have to remember that for next christmas - if she’s lucky, she’ll be able to convince Shiro that they can get away with putting something like that up outside of the guild for the next party. Hell, maybe she could even get them to set it up for new years, she’d just have to figure out how they hell they-

“Careful!”

A hand grabs hold of her arm and tugs her back, and Jo stumbles a little before catching herself, head swiveling to face the path in front of her. She’d been distracted enough she hadn’t noticed the upcoming stairs were right below her feet until Toji had pulled her back; he’s still holding her arm but his grip loosens significantly when she turns to face him.

“Honestly” Toji shakes his head “you need to take better care not to get sidetracked”

Jo bites back the retort she can feel bubbling up, instead turning her gaze away from him before she can make a quip; instead, she lets her eyes glance upwards to look at the sky, only to catch sight of something dangling from the lampost that the two of them are stood under. It takes a moment, given the bright light making the object in question easy to miss, but Jo makes out some kind of plant dangling over the very top of the pole.

Is...is that...?

“Oh”

“‘Oh?’” Toji mirrors, giving her a confused look.

When she doesn’t look down, Toji follows where she’s staring and looks up. Soon enough, he spots it too.

It’s mistletoe.

“Oh”

Jo doesn’t know what’s more baffling - the fact that someone strung up mistletoe in such a missable spot, or the fact that someone found the time and went out of their way to climb all the way up the pole just to hang a single decoration; but in the time it takes her to realize what she’s looking at, on top of why it’s there, she feels her heart jump up into her throat, and her face starts to feel warm. It seems as though Toji isn’t faring any better, as he coughs awkwardly into his hand and turns away from the lamppost; he tries to avoid looking at Jo, but he keeps glancing back as though trying to gauge her reaction and she’s quick to notice. 

With a nervous chuckle, Jo brings a hand to rub the back of her neck, stealing one last glance up at the mistletoe in question.

“So, um…” she attempts to find the right words. “Are we just gonna pretend we don’t see it, or-?”

She was going to suggest leaving it be, but it appears that someone else had different ideas, as before the full sentence can leave her lips the words get muffled as Toji steps forward to claim them. Just about every coherent thought screeches to a stop, and Jo has no idea whether to just drop to the floor and wait for her face to feel like it’s not burning, or to yank him in further by the collar of his coat, but just about every train of thinking leads to the same thing.

Holy shit, Toji’s kissing her.

Okay, Jo will be the first to admit that she’s teased the hell out of Toji in the past; made jokes about looking good in his jacket, playing with his horns just to watch him get ridiculously flustered among other things to get a rise out of him. It’s always been satisfying garnering reactions out of him, and those reactions are one of the reasons she liked him so much in the first place - but given how reserved and generally awkward he is around anything romantic she didn’t expect him to actually do anything! 

He’s clearly inexperienced, and his lips tremble a little against hers as he kisses her, but it feels so genuine that the kiss just about takes her breath away. It’s sweet, warm, and over all too quickly. When Toji pulls away his face is starting to turn red and he brings the back of his hand to his mouth giving her a surprisingly bashful look for a boy who’s usually so serious. Jo brings a hand to her lips, almost not believing what just happened as she feels her own cheeks starting to burn. The previous stutter in her thoughts comes back full force, a mix between surprise and flustered silencing just about any words she might say. What comes out instead is a choked noise and she just about wants to kick herself for not coming up with at least a verbal response.

Toji takes a step back, and opens his mouth in what Jo can only assume is gonna be some long winded apology about being abrupt, but she doesn’t even give him the chance to humor the speech before she grabs him by his scarf and yanks him back towards her. This time Jo’s the one to initiate the kiss, and the satisfaction of the muffled gasp he lets out overrides the embarrassment of being so bold as Jo pulls him even closer, winding her hands into the plush fabric of his scarf as she tugs. 

A hand comes to rest at the back of her neck and slowly, sweetly, Toji returns the kiss, the previous trembling of his lips now steadier, more assured in his actions this time around. He’s gaining confidence, which Jo’s glad for because she’s pretty sure he’s going to have to catch her by the time they break apart; but for now she’s going to let the moment last, pressing against his chest and kissing, illuminated only by the gentle glow of the lights and with an audience of soft snow drifting down around the pair as their shadows overlap.

[palettepainter]

Do any of your hazbin NG's have pets? I know Velvet has a guard dog thingy forgot the name sorry but do any others have pets?

It's been a hot minute since I've done something for Hazbin, so lets go! Will also include Helluva NG's

Brinda (CharlieHusk)-

-So I didn't want to give Brinda a pair of goats like Charlie, I didn't really have the motivation to design two identical goat guards and I didn't wanna rip off the designs in Hazbin. So I debated the idea for a while on if she has a pet and the answer is: Yes and No

-Sorta like in the Owl House Brinda has a Talisman, it was crafted from the bark of a poison fruit hell tree (there are trees and other plants in hell which are non poisonous or non lethal to demons, but more or less the majority I imagine are poisonous) and was crafted into the shape of Hell Bat.

-Hell Bat's are big, mean fighting machines. Will eat anything and attack anything, a ferocious species that has been none to even eat other demons species. Despite this they are still social creatures and often roost together. Brinda is the only one seemingly able to control her giant hell bat - it can grow larger in size and is extremely agile. It "lives" on Brinda's coat rack, but in an attempt to make it more domesticated and less of a ferocious beast with an insensible appetite for blood Brinda has brought it it's own bed and given it it's own name

-Her bat is called Trixy. Trixy is a moody, prone to hissing, biting and chasing other demons. The only one she is remotely docile around is Brinda. Brinda is not above being growled or hissed at, but perhaps Trixie enjoys a little snuggle under Brinda's chin, her fur is especially soft for cuddling

Junior (CharlieHusk)-

-Like his sister Junior also has a bat talisman. His is much smaller then his sisters to accommodate the fact Junior himself is very small and can't really handle taking care of a bigger bat, but like Brinda's his can get bigger if it needs to.

-Junior's bat lives too on his coat rack and Junior himself isn't very affectionate with it...jk he loves it. When he's out he tries to present himself as uncaring to his bat body guard, but behind closed doors he's very fascinated by him.

-Junior likes to train his bat and so his bat does know some simple verbal commands such as: maul, attack, fetch, kill - all the innocent things a young prince would need to teach it's loyal pet

-Junior has named his bat Bugsy

Tristan (VaggieNG)-

-Tristan does not have a pet, but he enjoys studying insects and reptiles

-For some unknown reason Tristan seems to be a magnet for bugs, especially butterflies which are for some reason very fond of him. Tristan is not sure why these tiny creatures take such an interest in him, but he doesn't really care, he likes butterflies a lot

Iridescence (VaggieNG)-

-Like dear old papa before her she has a pet pig...only it's a hog, a hell hog, a big massive hairy hell hog

-Iridescence was given him as a "gift" from dear old Uncle Arackniss. Arackniss got double crossed in a bet and instead of walking out with a big ham joint he got the runt of litter. He assured his Angel who was teasing him for going soft that the wretched thing wouldn't grow any bigger then a handbag dog...oh he was so very wrong. Iridescence's hell bore is fucking HUGE. She's a big, slobbery, hairy, squealing beast to which Iridescence fondly dubbed Daphne

-Iridescence when she's not causing chaos spends her time riding around her hell hog like it's a horse around the hotel, making her hell bore pretty flower crowns or plots her next pranking scheme while Daphne eats her bed blankets. Vaggie and Angel have..thought about getting rid of the thing, they're pretty sure it has rabies at this point, but alas Iridescence is glued to it sooo Daphne stays

Velvet (AlastorMimzy)-

-I've actually already drawn Velvet's pet here! https://www.deviantart.com/palettepainter/art/Velvet-s-guard-dog-844244280

-Abaddon was given to her by her parents when she was very very little, though beast like and more animal demonic species are rare within hell's nine circles it is not uncommon for them to captured from the wastelands and sold on the black market. Abaddons, though not pack creatures, and very protective of their cubs, and so Abaddon grew up viewing as itty bitty Velvet as a "cub".

-Abaddon is still very much a lethal animal when she's not receiving pets and hunting crows in the back garden of the hotel. Her interets are stalking the halls without making a sound, perching on top of shelve and furniture, hunting crows and rats, chasing after little dots of light bouncing of reflective surfaces and sleeping in typical cat fashion

Francis (AlastorMimzy)-

-To Alastor's absoloute dismay he has fondly adopted one of Mimzy's shadow wolf puppies

-Mitzy currently owns 11 shadow wolves, one of which was especially smaller then it's brothers and sisters - a runt, like Francis. Francis, being the only teen in the hotel feels a little left out, so took the tiny puppy instantly under his wing the moment he saw it. The puppy is still a baby and so isn't much of a wolf, the only danger he possesses is the danger to your beloved slippers, which he will happily chew and teeth on.

-Still has itty bitty baby puppy teeth so chews a LOT, especially on deer old Alastor. Alastor...puts up with it for his wife's sake, knowing how much his wife loves her wolves..doesn't help that the puppies blasted parents, the female and male alpha, will be death staring Alastor down from the other side of the room while Francis and their pup play

-Francis has named his dog Pongo after the odd dark patches of fur he has on his back legs

Aldo (NiftyBaxter)-

-Has a pet priranha named Da Vinci whom he loves. Aldo is a big fan of marine life, one might call him a marine biologist. Unlike his father who is deathly scared of water Aldo can't seem to learn enough about it. He has many books on sea life in his room, a part of him dreams maybe he'll be able to see marine life on the surface. The only thing in hell is...sharks, which Aldo is terrified off

-Aldo was given Da Vinci by his teacer, Mister Aquarius, the project was for the students to disect the fish, but Princess Charlie thought that was "cruel", so instead Aquarius had to change it around. The task was for students to gain an understanding of responsibility, as expected most students didn't do the assignment, lost their fish or killed their fish, Aldo was the only one to pass. He has kept his lil piranha ever since, who is not so little anymore

Nidra (SirPentiousNG)-

-Nidra doesn't have pets, but she does enjoy the company of zombies

-Nidra's number one assistant in the study of the dark arts is none other then Hornet: her very first successful experiment in bringing back the deceased. Hornet is a harmless little rabbit, he just wants to chew on his toys, nom on a carrot and get some fond chin scratches from his mistress. Hornet is the one of the few people Nidra will actually talk to - she insists in the beginning she will never talk to her assistant as though it can understand her, but she does, and finds herself doing it a lot

-Her second pet is Tempest, a sassy cat that just started showing up one day and never left. Nidra more or less lives at the hotel, Sir Pentious is constantly on the move in his air ship and Nidra is not fond of travelling. Tempest lived in the alleys near the hotel, feeding on the mice and rats that infested the building. One day Hornet catches her wondering the halls and eagerly offers her his chew toy wanting to play. Tempest is of course not interested, but Hornet is presistant and in the end instead of Hornet searching for Tempest, Tempest would meow until she found Hornet

Thomas (TomVilla)-

-No pets

Riley (CherriSirPentious)-

-A chicken, given to her by dear old bar friend Husk Riley named her Henrietta and loves her dearly. Being part snake Riley likes birds that dart and can be chased, and Henrietta is also especially good to snuggle, but fat feathery lovable bird

-Riley comes and goes from the hotel, Cherri and her do have their own place, but Riley is a bit of wanderer and so tends to hop about from place to place, but she's never gone long. Henrietta more or less stays with her sister Nidra. Nirda was at first bothered to take care of her sisters stupid poultry, but Hornet seems to like her so she can't be that bad

Kiki (KatieVox)-

-IDK what inthe world these things are called but she has one of these weird creature thingies (skip to 15.38 and look to the right where Millie is ) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpnwRg268FQ

-His name is Sprinkles, she fondly gives him glittery little bow ties to wear, takes selfies of him and carries him around in her little back pack. Matthew is endlessly discussed by the thing, but Kiki just can't seem to see the truth, to her Sprinkles is a precious little angel

Nero (ValVox)-

-Has no pets cuz Val doesn't allow them in the house (lowkey thinks Iridescence's hell hog is pretty cool though)

Mathew (HelsaNG)-

-Has two snooty up tight hoity toity ferrets named Snip and Snap

Mako (CryminiHusk)-

-Also has no pets, but Coal gave him a houseplant to practise with

Crash and Dash (MillieTravis)-

-Also no pets

Lucy (MooxieMillie)-

-Also no pets

[softestsaddestbitch]

December TC Challenge

stole this from @elder-edda (sorry for creeping! just, given the usual demographic of the tc community I was excited to find another 20-smthg)

1) what color is your tc’s hair?

He has just, simple brown hair but he’s starting to go grey which, no lie, is 100% doing it for me.

2) is your tc married?

Yes? He doesn’t wear a ring and I believe she kept her last name which makes me think it’s more of a civil partnership since they’ve been together since the early 2000s at least. But he also will refer to her as “my wife” and was telling me once that they waited until “after they got married” before moving in together.

3) if yes, do you care? would you do something with them regardless of their marriage?

I know these questions are general but I do take offense at the idea of being a homewrecker/other woman. I’ve met his wife, she’s really nice.

4) what’s your worst memory with your tc?

I put my foot in my mouth SO OFTEN. Good lord. Especially my last semester at that school? He was acting weird and I had just realized after fucking ... four years?? that I romantically liked him. So I kept bringing up my weird age fixation and other bs bc I have adhd and am possibly autistic?? and can’t read a room to save my life.

5) what’s your best memory with your tc?

One year we had a really bad snowstorm, so bad in fact that I had my first-ever snow day. The college that I used to go to has four campuses across as many cities, and C has to drive in twice a week to my (old) town from his. Now, morning classes had been canceled but afternoon classes had been given the go-ahead. C, who does not check his emails until he arrives at campus, evidently did not get this message until he was already in town and therefore didn’t have a morning class, but did have an afternoon class. On this day I had a late morning class that had been reinstated, but my prof didn’t get that memo so I also was on campus but didn’t have a class. So I went to visit his office, which I had been doing throughout the semester (I didn’t have a class with him at the time) and we just ... hung out for like 2 hours. It was so nice and one of the anecdotes he told me still haunts me lol.

sidenote: at the time, I hadn’t yet realized that I liked him, but I still went out of my way to visit him. Damn I was a dumbass.

6) does anyone in your school know how you feel?

ish? I told a classmate but in a “haha joking” kinda way. And a friend who went to that school knows. No one at my current school knows.

7) does your tc know how you feel?

I think he might? might have a lil inkling which would explain why he started acting so weird my last semester. Or at the very least was told/realized how bad it could look that he was getting so chummy w/ a student.

8) do you think there’s any chance your tc reciprocates your feelings?

He and his wife have been together for around 20 years now. No. No, I don’t think so. Maybe in an alternate universe.

9) are you getting your tc a christmas present? if so, what is it?

I have in the past! Specifically like, a tin of cookies lol. I’ve also given him an actual present when I left. I do intend to send him a Christmas card every year but not this year because ... you know ... the apocalypse.

10) have you ever flirted with your tc?

Flirtation inherently has intent. So, no. How he interpreted our interactions I don’t know.

11) how long have you had a crush on them? what began it all?

SO! TIMELINE!

I was at my old school from September 2014-April 2019, I had C for the first time in September 2015. Like I mentioned above, I did not realize I had a crush on him until literally the middle of my final exam of my class with him December 2018, so I’ve only consciously had a crush for about two years now. However, as I also mentioned, I went out of my way to stop by his office, even when I didn’t have a class with him. And my relationship with/feelings towards him are complicated so I’m not going to say I did so solely because I like him, but I would put it maybe closer to somewhere in 2017. You don’t plan your schedule around someone you don’t feel strong feelings for.

12) do you believe you’ll get over them shortly after you stop taking their class/have the chance to spend time with them?

As of today, it has been been exactly a year and a half since I last him in person. In the time since, I have cried over missing him, routinely gone back to keep up with his current research projects, and made his picture a part of my home screen. I almost exclusively listen to the playlist I made for him -  so much so my Spotify Wrapped is pretty much that playlist with a few extras.

13) what kind of grades do you get in their class?

Haaaaaa pre-supension I was failing his classes. My first semester back I got .... a mid/high 70? and I finished my last class with him with an A+ and the essay I had written for his class had the highest grade between the two classes so..

14) does your tc ever do any tiny, little things that you adore?

When he puts a hand in his pocket and leans against the wall. When he tucks his hair behind his ear because he keeps falling in his face (he has long hair, a little past his shoulders). When he can’t stop himself from googling something even if its in the middle of class. How you can ask him anything at any time. The way he would chuckle at my jokes. How his handwriting hasn’t improved in decades. How easily he brushes off toxic masculinity. His candidness and willingness to share little anecdotes. The way he used to always smile whenever he saw me. That he goes home everyday to have lunch with his wife.

15) are you their favorite student?

I was! And it was obvious to other students that we had a friendly, casual relationship too. For a time, if his other students had questions about him they would ask me, and I usually had the answer. I didn’t matter in the long run, but I was. 

16) do you two share any tastes? movies, books, music, etc.

He’s a legal historian, I’m a baby legal/political historian. We also like the same historical cooking youtube channel.

17) is your teacher religious?

I doubt he would say he’s religious, but I feel like we have a similar relationship to religion which is to say no formal association, but had profound effects on our childhoods and subsequently, presumably, how we view things as adults.

18) do you masturbate to them?

Yes.

19) do you communicate with them outside of school?

I sent him a meme once. And asked about the socialist uprising scandal he was apart of. I also almost emailed him while at a museum exhibition with my history friend. These are all through email.

20) do you have any tc songs or songs you relate to your tc? what are they?

SO my number one song this year was “You are the Reason” by Calum Scott because, you guessed it, of him. But also:

I Lost a Friend - Finneas When You’re Ready - Shawn Mendes You Are in Love - Taylor Swift Break My Heart Right - James

& given the season, especially w/ what transpired last year, Last Christmas by Wham!

21) what’s your favorite thing your tc has said/memory you have with them?

One time he kinda trailed off in the middle of lecture after stating that he thought of xyz a particular way which contrasted one of the popular schools of thought, and the way he plainly said, “well, yeah, which I guess ... is I’m arguing it” almost like he was semi-surprised with himself has always stuck with me. 

But also, in addition the memory I shared earlier, we spent an hour and a half talking about grad school and what to expect and how to get there. 

22) do you plan to continue a relationship with them after you leave school?

I trid, I really did. But he doesn’t “socialize with students part or present” so I can’t exactly see him. But I did get some academic-related from him at the beginning of the year.

23) how will you deal during the summer? will you see him/her?

He’s a hermit who used my last vacation before I moved to go on all the vacations he had to postpone because he was working on his last book. And this past summer ... Covid. This question is obviously directed at high school students, but in general, he lives in the back of head always, and when I’m in my hometown for the summer my heart aches because theres a none-zero chance I’ll see him, but I know I won’t.

24) does your tc support gay rights?

Yes. He’s never been put in a position that I know of where he had to outright condemn homophobia, but in one of his classes, he actively made the choice to make the very first reading of the semester about how women in ancient times had more agency than assumed, and also how the woman in the case study was a lesbian.

25) what class do you have with them? And what period? Do you have them every day?

History classes. I won’t get into specifics because it’s kind of an eclectic mix and I’m paranoid someone from the area could come across this. But I had him twice a week every semester that I had him. Again this kind of question is more so applicable to high school students, not so much university students.

26) have you ever drifted out during a lecture thinking about them and missed information?

No. In his classes he is too enthralling, and I’m a good student otherwise.

27) have you stalked them online? what did you find out?

In theory. He’s a fifty-year-old history professor whose reaction to a description of the big lipped/tiny face filter on snapchat was “that sounds disgusting.” The man doesn’t have social media, and if he does those privacy settings are on so students can’t find him he thinks he’s very professional. I do visit his mini-bio section on the college website fairly often tho.

28) have you ever run into them outside of schools? what happened?

I did once. He introduced me to his wife, who said “oh you’re E! C has talked about you” and it apparently he had done so positively, and blew my mind because this was back when I was failing classes and also, as a person, I don’t believe that people think about me when I’m not there. They gave me a restaurant recommendation and afterwards his wife surprised me a they were leaving the restaurant because ... we had listened to them, and they also went there for lunch that day.

29) has your tc ever spoken of teacher-student relationships? what did they say?

It had recently come out that it had been found out that another professor had been in a relationship with a student and he’s the one that brought it up before class one day (with all of us not just me). He didn’t say anything for or against it, just that it was generally discouraged, but that most schools did have policies in place to handle the situation.

30) do you regret telling anyone about your tc? if you’ve kept it a secret, why have you done so?

Absolutely not. I can’t tell my best friends because they’d do nothing but give me shit for it and it would call every time I mention him into question. But the friends that I have told ... its been so freeing, and like a weight has been lifted from my heart. One friend in particular I unloaded on her all my emotional shit pertaining to him this past summer and she was so understanding it legit since then I’ve been less distraught when thinking about him. It still hurts, but it feels less like I’m suffocating now.

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, PHOEBE! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF SALOME.

Admin Rosey: This was incredibly difficult. Both applications were stunning and shined in the limelight - but there were these small details, Phoebe, that you included that had us absolutely captivated. Salome, I think, is a difficult character to encompass so wholly while not overlooking the details. But you managed to do that, to tie her all together while not putting her in a package. The application was such a joy to read from beginning to end - the way that you tied so many different characters into her, into her future. It was an absolute thrill to read because I was able to see so much while still being tantalized by possibilities. I can’t wait to see how Salome shines on the dash! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Phoebe

Age | 22

Personal Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | Pretty active (6/10?) due to a national lockdown, but I’m a postgrad student so some days are busier than others.

Timezone | GMT

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group?  | I check out the ‘new rpg’ tag a few times a year & your graphics and then everything drew me in

Current/Past RP Accounts | Masha Vetrova @ ProchnostRPG

IN CHARACTER

Character | SALOME

What drew you to this character? |  Typically I tend to go for characters who have a fundamental moral alignment of ‘good’ (even if it’s been a bit corrupted) so at first I was really drawn to Gabriel/Abaddon/Isolde. I even brainstormed them a bit before moving onto the demon bios.

But then I read Salome’s bio, and I really couldn’t get her out of my mind. There is something so delicious about her, so dastardly poetic. In a way, she’s as pure of heart as many morally good characters - patient, steadfast, true to herself. It’s just that her heart is a blackened one. A nature so rotted that even eternal damnation in Hell’s Abyss was not enough. The only fitting destiny was a demonic one, and the wings tore out of her body as if they’d been there, dormant, all along.

I know the story of Salome (thanks Oscar Wilde) & I just adore the way in which the bio weaves the biblical story into this world and this character. Salome the Temptress, unflinching as she demands the head of John the Baptist and damns all around her to Hell. This one line in particular from Rosey really, really captured it all for me:

No, the minute her mortal heart stopped beating and she opened her eyes to the fires of Hell, there was only laughter to be heard – pouring from her lips as melodic as a lark’s song, a stark contrast to the wailing and grinding of teeth.

Salome feels young and charming and spoiled and light and warm and content and this image - her descending into Hell, disrupting it with her peals of laughter - sums it all up. She is arrogant and uninhibited with her sins plain for all to see. But she is also clever. She is a girl who dances with the dead; demon through and through. She lets them openly see it so that they do not think to look closer. For if they did, surely they would see Salome was more damned than they’d ever envisioned? See that the open delight she projects - the laughter and fevered dancing, - all distract from a mind capable of cold, calm strategy? See that her hands are beautiful because they are stained with the first blood of this new world?

…All of which is to say that Salome the Temptress has worked that tempting magic of hers on me too - hook, line and sinker.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If it serves your guys’ plotting vision then absolutely! I’d just ask to write the death scene/have some say in the way it went down. (The person killing her off better be prepared for the fight of their lives).

FUTURE PLOT IDEAS

• (small) PLEASURES •

Grand plans and power grabs are all very well, but day to day (on the dash lol) Salome is ruled by small pleasures and indulgences. What was the point of forging this new world if not to luxuriate in it?

01. I’m very curious to see how her relations with all the other demons play out. Salome is by and large a solitary creature - the natural result of her arrogance - but I think there are some demons she favours more than others. I could see a potential friendship (or the lesser version of that bond) with ORIAS, for one. There were those who saw something akin to witchcraft in Salome too. There had been envy, when Orias was hailed the Original Witch, but even Salome has come to recognise the ungodly power that resides in them. They are one of the only creatures that Salome has any real respect for. She understands that there is value to learn in what Orias can teach.They call them the false prophet - it seems poetic that Salome is drawn to her. (So ! Much ! Potential ! Witchy ! Power !)

02. So too can I imagine Salome having a particular curiosity towards MAMMON. Hungry and dark and empty, Mammon is probably Salome’s demonic ideal. With mortal origins herself, they represent a different kind of demon – one she thinks is utterly beautiful. Their future ambitions could align, both with a deep, aching appetites, but I can also see her purely enjoying the unique company of them. Salome does not treat her ability with any real respect or caution; she sees the dead as a game. think she’d genuinely delight in Mammon mimicking her gift and the amusements that could follow. (Ok not to say I’m suggesting deal body party games but it’s very that)

03. Salome gets equal pleasure (if not a great deal more) from less-than-friendly relations. She pushes purely because other people’s irritation amuses her. I think her relationship with AZAZEL in particular could be very, very fun. Of all the demons, I can see Salome having a particularly petty dislike / jealousy of Azazel for a few many reasons.. A) they are both products of indulgence, daughters of parents (literally and figuratively) who spoiled them rotten. Similarities repel and all that. B) Azazel is part of the de facto royal family, favoured by JUDAS.. and DAMIEN .. and ABADDON .. and Salome has not ever handled that well. She watched on as they, along with the rest of hell, fell for her and thus a time-old grudge was born. C) Azazel forms part of the Holy Land’s rulership. A land that was won because of Salome (in her mind) and one she feels has rights of ownership too. I imagine that Salome genuinely despises that the role was given to Azazel of all demons. I - I just sense so many great opportunities for both bickering and battling.

04. Salome draws great pleasure from her own magnetism. Devotion has followed her throughout the stages of her life, but it too has come to wax and wane. It is there in BASTIEN though, and it’s one of the connections I’m most excited for. He satisfies her addiction, and in return she is both doting and cruel. There is some value in him politically, bu it’i more of a .. personal connection. That could change though. Or, perhaps a genuine fondness might develop, in the same way that other celestial beings seem to be fond of their animal companions. A muted form of possessiveness over his gaze and his wonderment (which may well manifest in Salome having a particular resentment towards EVANGELINE) . If he were to share out his devotion, or if it was curtailed by any harm coming to Bastien himself, Salome would not be happy. Perhaps his attentions have come to somewhat satiate her appetite and tentatively restrains her darkest needs - a fact that neither of them have realised. (!!!!!)

• (medium) OPPORTUNITIES •

05. There are some things she keeps to herself - at least for now. There’s a lot of potential for self-paras or connections with the wider RP plot. To me, Salome has something akin to true addiction inside of her. It was there from the moment of her mortal birth, and it worsened with each hit. Essentially, I think an inescapable plot point is that Salome is a lil’ bit bloodthirsty. I think this would largely be developed through my own musings and mortals who are just ‘extras’ to this RP, but I’d love to deal with the intricacies of Salome having to cover this habit. Maybe she continues to use others as scapegoats; maybe she chooses her victims with careful attention so that they go unnoticed; maybe she does it in such a way that implies the presence of a beast or daemonium.

( In fact, the concept of the DAEMONIUM is verrrrrrrrrry intriguing. Creates who inhabit corpses and do nothing but feed their hunger? Sounds like a character I know. This is a potential plot point that relies on your guys’ vision and some collaborative world-building, but I think there is definitely exciting potential to explore these creatures through Salome. Imagine the carnage of her trying (successfully or unsuccessfully) to out-possess them.)

06. I think Salome would take any opportunity to poison Infernum’s highest-ranking. This isn’t so much be her political ‘end-goal’, but an opportunity for some real entertainment. It would be a game, try and crack the kinship that exists among  AZAZEL, JUDAS, DAMIEN and ABADDON; injecting a few words here, a few doubts there, and see if their loyalty lasts.. She knows Judas from a past life and has watched him oh so carefully overtheir many entwined centuries - I imagine she is a gnat to him, pushing all the right (and thus wrong) buttons. It would a sport to try and make his familial dynasty crumble. Perhaps she might attempt this by throwing doubt on to Abaddon in particular, whose aura contains a flatness that Salome cannot read. Salome doesn’t know of the goodness that lies in her, but perhaps she might find out. Regardless, I think Salome’s worst imaginable fate would be being locked in the Black Cells, unable to dance and revel in the world, so she harbours dislike for Abaddon anyway…

07. EPHEMERA is an opportunity that Salome had not anticipated. And let me tell you, boy do I adore this connection. It strikes me as a true clashing of teeth and spirits, but not as simple as one born from pure malice or hatred. Salome feels many things towards Ephemera, but she certainly doesn’t hate her - even if the ferocity between them implies otherwise sometimes. There’s a thin line between love and hate, as they say, though perhaps neither of those terms sum up Salome an Ephemera. It seems to be pure passion and temptation. I can’t say where this could lead without the thoughts of a possible Ephemera writer, but I’m sure it will be nothing short of explosive. I think this connection is the most Salome has ever felt towards another being, and that in itself is curious to her.

• (great) AMBITIONS •

The possible destinies of Salome. The following are all ways in which her story could play out, and all of them are quite dramatic. Who’s afraid of the big, bad plots….

08. Infernum technically has no throne. In order to thus claim it, perhaps one first has to be built? Salome would have no qualms choosing a side in another demonic cvil war. Why, if DAMIEN were to stake the claim of his birthright against JUDAS, he could count on Salome for support. If Judas were to live up to his title and betray the antichrist, he could count on Salome for support - if he got there before the other. Salome will happily help them consolidate a throne through bloodshed and betrayal. In fact, it will be her pleasure.

For through it all, Salome will be the demon who has thought to use MICHAEL. They are insufferable and righteous and (quite literally) archangel incarnate - really, if she had the chance, she knows that their blood would be the most utterly divine to spill - but they are useful. Undeniably powerful. Salome knows she must be careful here, but she enjoys the undisguised exasperation on their face. As if they have not yet thought to recognise the ambition that lies in both of them. If they helped her ascend to the throne of Infurnem, she would be a far more acquiescent to Caelum’s interests than the current leadership. Why? Because Salome would not act - would not even pretend to act - on behalf of demonic interests. If the best chance of her claiming ownership of the world depended on sharing it with Michael, then perhaps she would be willing.

09. But power can manifest in more than one way. She could follow such dreams, or she could become the world’s nightmares. And wouldn’t that be more indulgent? Where others hold power or peace as their prime ambition, Salome would get equal pleasure from the simple decay of all things. The world could rot and she would laugh - the dead are often better company than the living. Ultimately Salome would start another war without hesitation; she would sacrifice everything and everyone for the beautiful carnage of utter destruction. It had been so easy with the War of the Last Rites, but she had been disappointed when it ended in peace. That will not happen again; she will be ready next time. When all factions are suitably engaged, she will raise her own force and strike them all down together. — Such are her thoughts anyway. Thoughts that started developing when she met RYUK. To her, the power Ryuk holds is breathtaking. There is no other ability she desires quite as much. For if she were to contain both of their powers within herself, she would have dominion over a force so great that no living creature - mortal or immortal - could ever hope to defeat. The dead. It is a delicate strategy, but she has the patience for it. And if there was any who would spill the blood of a horseman just to see what happened, then it would surely be Salome.

10. Where there are mortals, there is faith. The relationship between Salome and the faith of the HUNDRED-EYED GOD intrigues me. In her mortal life, faith was an amusement. Its believers has been her playthings - perhaps they are again in this world. ISOLDE is as all prophets are; tempting. I think that Salome could potentially decide to join the faith – or give the impression to do so. Such a deceit would be fun and far from difficult - already she joins in on their rituals, her feet unable to stay away from any form of rhythmic movement, even ones more gentle than her usual tastes. A demon of relative influence, perhaps her faith would be welcomed amongst those most holy, perceived as a positive development in the faith’s recruitment. Perhaps she finds a currently unknown fellowship in the form of ESTIENNE, whose manipulation of the shadows surely speaks of some rot in his heart.

And all for one simple reason. Where there is faith, there are the faithful. Where there is the faithful, there is the potential for bloodshed so rich - so intoxicating - that she would play this long, patient game just to taste a singular drop. She has never been able to recreate the electrification of that first diabolical deed, when she claimed a saint’s head as her prize. She had danced and damned and thirsted ever since; the blood of an ALL-SEEING PRIESTESS might just quench such a need.

• (potential) DOWNFALLS •

Ah, but all of the above are just potential ideas. It is just as likely that Salome would be subject to some downfalls and some .. rude awakenings. I adore the fact that both MICHAEL and RYUK have such different perceptions of their connections. They are both far smarter than she gives credit. Michael is, ultimately, more powerful than Salome on more ways than one - they will surely outplay her as they have everyone, though she might be of some use to them too. In Ryuk, Salome has started a war she might live to regret - one she hasn’t even realised she’s fighting. She has perhaps been a little naive here, and it will be quite something when she realises.

There are other possible connections that could prove Salome’s downfall – or at least a be a hindrance. In my mind, it is GABRIEL, ZADKIEL and CAPHRIEL that she is most weary of. They each have a light to them that she does not care for, along with the arrogance present in all angels. I say in the following section that Salome has no fears; they represent the closest thing she has to possible concerns. I don’t think she yet knows any of them particularly well outside of the War, but she has thought of their powers. The latter two in particular harbour gifts that could, potentially, expose Salome, and thus she has developed a specific distaste for them. And of course, she probably finds them particularly fun to antagonise.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation | [TW: Implied suicide in section I ]

I think a large part of my attraction to Salome is that she isn’t really driven by an external force. Partly she is driven by the deep appetite within her (which I’ve mentioned more in other parts of this application) but I also think her motivations stem from her own intrinsic nature; she is pushed by her own heart towards ambitions that are mere extensions of her character. I think there are three central aspects of her character that best explain her motivations and actions: a complete lack of fear, an overwhelming self-adoration and a deep, petulant intolerance of monotony. Together, they’ve created a woman - a demon - amply motivated to do any of the above listed plot ideas.. One who simply does as she wants for no reason other than want itself. Below I’ve given three early examples (set in BP) of these traits taking root (and rot):

I • For what use is fear to those who are damned?

It was said that Jesus’ tomb lay empty. Through the wind Salome heard whispers of women who’d gone to mourn and found nothing - only stone and airwhere a pierced and bloodied body should have lain. It seemed the proclaimed child of God had evaded corporeal death yet again; that the words of the old, tiresome preacher whose head she once cradled had proved true. Their claims and their preachings were not false as her father had accused - but really, had not Salome always known that? Was it not she who had delivered John’s salvation, cast him up to his venerated Heaven? And as it happened - as both the head and the soul of John his body - had not she felt her own moment of pure, divine bliss?

It brought clarity; there was no hesitation in her now. She stood alone, looking out upon the depths of the Galilee Sea with an unconfined grin spread wide upon her face. She had known, always known, that the boredom of this life was only temporary. The adoration she received on earth had grown dull, she sought new, greater opportunities for her talents. There had existed a deep craving inside for as long as she could remember, one that had become increasingly difficult to satiate. It told her that her destiny lay outside of Heaven, that both the prophet and her father the king had been right to look upon her with fear. For if John and Jesus had ascended upwards, could she not leap down into her own descent? The idea of it felt so simple, so natural, so potentially powerful. Neither death nor the the promise of damnation brought her anything but intrigue. She thought of the wicked and the cruel, of the infernal depths to which she was bound, and felt only satisfied.

Mortal though she was, Salome was not afraid. Why should she fear her own destiny? Why should she fear for those she left behind? Fear had no place in a heart without hope. With a simple step, she threw herself into the icy water and waited to reach the blackest depths below.

II • For what use is love to those who are satisfied?

Where there was Salome there was laughter - her own, that was - sharp, loud and melodic. When she first opened her mouth it had sliced through Hell and turned all of its eyes onto her. Rightly so, for she she had laughed as she’d evaded Abaddon’s grasp, clawing herself out of the Abyss of mortal souls and claiming a rightful place in the depths of Hell. The Morningstar, sat above all, had not yet even spoken when Salome had started to dance.

She could feel Hell’s eyes on her, and what better way to greet such attentions than with that she did best. She had reaped rich rewards for it before, and she would do so again. A fleeting glance at her naked body showed her this realm had not dulled her beauty but made magnified it, her skin aglow with the fiery light of hellfire. And so Salome danced, feverishly but deliberately, losing herself in the spirit of the moment. What could anyone do but simply bask in the splendor of her new existence? As she raised her arms above her head, a pair of wings cut through her flesh and slowly tore out of her. Iridescent, they unfurled as if they too had felt the call of her movement.

A feast of celebration had followed. Salome could only laugh in delight as she looked upon demonic faces of adoration, gazes more alike than different to those she had received on earth. Seated at the left-hand of Lucifer himself, she had slotted into the natural order of Hell as if it had been her descent that had been prophesied on earth. How many in Hell, with all its angelic origins, had the blood of a true holy man on their hands? Perhaps just herself – and, she supposed, the man sat to the right of the Prince. Judas Iscariot. The Great Betrayer. A man she had known of in her mortality, a follower who’d wrought a downfall more entertaining than any Salome had otherwise witnessed. He looked on at her with a hard glint in his eyes and she merely smiled back - for Salome understood why. Here she was, a fellow mortal in Hell with infernal wings protruding from her back where Judas had none. It all made such perfect sense; Salome was truly different. Truly transcendent. Made and marked by forces darker then most of Hell could stand. In that moment (and all moments thereafter), Salome was acutely aware of the true power that resided within her, spilling out through her beauty, allure and wretched talents. Why, she was utterly glorious.

III • For what use is peace to those who are bored?

Eternity stretched out in front of her; memories of the wouldn’t fade. Of all the differences between immortal and mortal existence, it was only the nature of time that had ever frustrated her. To Salome, the centuries had passed by in both unfathomable speed and agonising monotony, the linearity of earth dead and gone. It seemed that in the face of an infinite future, even Hell could drag. It operated in a stasis that had begun to suffocate her and, gradually, had awakened once again an appetite that had only been temporally satiated. Lucifer dictated balance and moderation where Salome saw no reason for restraint. He had given her duties like none earth had ever dared, and she didn’t care to fulfil them. She had even grown tired of her puppetry, tired of dancing amongst such frustratingly passive bodies. There was, in a place of corruption, nobody left to actually corrupt; no opportunity to taste innocent or holy blood.

Over time she came to sense the quiet seeds of unrest in Hell, and she was gladdened by them. Once again a wicked smile graced her face, once again she twirled around the pits of Hell in anticipation. There was no better cure for boredom than chaos, and once she’d caught the scent of it her hunt could not be stopped. It had proven easy to have the whispers diverted and delivered to her ears - so many were under her spell, either terrified or infatuated. So Salome came to learn of plans of razing Hell against its master, ripping through worldly divides and claiming the earth she once lived on. At last - she could have wept from delight. And most entertaining of all, Salome had snatched the dice into her her hands.

How easy it would be to join the dissenters, to war with them against the order of Hell that had shackled her. How tempting it was, to dash their plans by raising her own blade to the Morningstar and plunging the world into carnage without warning. How fun, the thought of taking all she knew to Lucifer and laughing as he rained down revenge on the demons he had been foolish enough to trust. Impatient with monotony; patient in the face of action. Salome did not yet know what she would do, and she found utter delight in the potential of it all.

PARA SAMPLE

The Holy Land was not suited to revelry. It lacked the vitalityand decadent excessthat a true celebration required. And really, wasn’t this her domain? Nobody got more unadulterated pleasure from a celebration than Salome - she doubted that even the festivities of the Stygian Moon would be of renown without her inputs. This particular affair was proving even more tiresome than she’d foreseen. Every year she stands under the Triune Moon and watches as solemn vows are sworn; every year she wonders why they could not just be done so in private, sparing them all this tedium. She had said as much to Damien before as they had departed the comforts of the Black Palace, and had received little more than a scowl in response. But she knows her point has more merit than they’d care to admit. How long before these promises of harmony are exposed as a farce? At least that year promises some true entertainment.

Salome thinks all this as she watches the stage in front of her, eyes lazily switching between the three figures who stand upon it. The Sun, the Moon, the Stars; every pair of eyes in the sweeping crowd are trained on them. Salome can feel them. Or rather, she can’t feel the usual warmth of infatuated gazes on her own skin. Here she stood amongst hoards of mortals and beings more lowly than herself, and none were paying her their usual bouts of attention. The only thing that prevented a quiet tantrum was the knowledge that she was far from alone in feeling this agitation. Her stare flickered from the stage towards the figures of both Michael and Judas, and she could not help but smile. To eyes that had repeatedly examined them over centuries, the rigidity of their bodies betrayed them. She was far from the only one who felt the absence of centrality, and that, at least, brought her some pleasure.

Still, she only has so much patience for ceremonies not directed at her.  Yet no sooner did she shift to exit the crowd than did words delivered on the stage give her pause. Azazel’s voice, suitably haughty, repeating the typical sentiments of the Holy Land. This was the ‘Age of Peace’, Salome hears her say. Only the ‘cooperation of all factions and the formation of the tridium’ had rendered them ‘triumphant against the heretics who would cast all into darkness.’ This time she cannot hold in the delicate laugh that ripples through her. If only the annual repetition of such statements made them true. If only they knew of the true origins of the War that brought this so-called peace, of where the credit should rightfully lie. Though she knows it would be foolish - more than foolish - Salome can think of nothing but how simple it would be to stand above all and confess. She’d let them savour the details of her sins and her glories. She would laugh as they wilted under the weight of her revelations.

‘I’ve never seen you look so engrossed off of the battlefield.’

Her imaginings are cut off by quiet words from behind her. She needs not turn to identify the voice of Ephemera, familiar as it has come to be. Salome had, of course, seen her across the crowd - when did her eyes start to automatically seek her out so? - but marked her presence as an occupation for later. That Ephemera sought her out first is not necessarily unexpected, but certainly thrilling. There is no other presence that can so easily bring Salome out of a petulant mood, just as there is no other who can so easily put her in one. But she has found that where there is Ephemera, there is entertainment to be had.

“You have not seen me do many things,” she replies easily, as if they had long been having this conversation, “though I do believe I’ve offered.” And she has, more than once, tried to entice her with offers of dancing and hunting and enjoying all the vices of the world they fought for. She turns her head slowly to meet the watchful gaze of her once fighting-partner, a smirk on her lips as she widens her eyes in faux-innocence. They are two alike; mortals once but mortals no more, the first of their kinds. She knows Ephemera will not rise to her bait within the presence of other Angels, which only heightens her simpering expression. Salome has no such qualms about the thoughts of her own kin; their talk excites her, their gossip only confirms how many pay her heed. She has found no simpler joy than that of walking into the Black Palace and leaving excited whispers in her wake.

“I’m sure you’ll agree that celebrating won wars is less fun than waging them’, she continues, amusement ringing clear through her voice as she returned her gage purposefully to the stage. “I asked Azazel if she might add some zeal - perhapsmake those hounds do some tricks - but she seems to have ignored my good wishes”. Salome can feel the rolling of Angelic eyes next to her without even looking. It was so easy, so predictable, and yet anything but boring. That was the real curiosity of Ephemera, so easy to reel in and yet so resistant to truly jumping off the edge. She seemed halfway caught between accepting Salome’s allure and running from it, and the resistance only increased her desire. “Though your one is the more dull, I believe. So earnest - it’s quite exhausting.”

It is clear that Ephemera is acting advisor and strategist rather than - what? Friend? Enemy? Something in between? - whichraised the question as to why she had approached her in the first place. She thinks to ask, but when she opens her mouth to do so the crowd erupts in an applause more loud than she thinks the show was worthy of. Still, she brings her own hands together for the sheer relief that it is finally over. Her feet ache from standing bored for so long, her wings want to stretch open and wide. She wonders if a large enough quantity of alcohol might loosen Ephemera a little, but when she turns to declare this she finds that her companion has disappeared in the movement of so many people. A pity, but no real matter. She has never needed the company of others to create her own sport.

EXTRAS

[ My (WIP) pinterest for Salome can be found here. ]

Salome keeps no animal companion, for she has never felt much love for the nature of the earth. She finds it amusing that some Angels and Demons belittle themselves by keeping one. However, it is not an uncommon sight to see Salome walking with crows flying above her. Only on closer inspection would one realise those animals are but corpses, a puppetry Salome (alone) finds humorous.

Like all parts of herself, she harbours great love for her wings, and not only for the damnation that they represent. They are formed of what resembles a netting of fine, golden spider’s web. They seem to constantly change in the light, appearing to be more transparent than they are solid. Regal and beautiful, they are as Salome sees herself.

She is a fierce fighter and a connoisseur of bloodshed. Her weapon of choice is a trailing point blade, forged on the day of her arrival in Hell. She uses it exclusively for more.. intimate situations, and favours instead a simple longsword on the battlefield. She is however, proficient with most weaponry, as the corpses she can make fight use the same weapons they died wielding against her.

Though Infernum is the home she helped carve out, Salome spends a great deal of time in Sanctus Terra and travels to Caelum whenever the opportunity presents itself. Both locations amplify an itch deep within her soul, worsening her desire and thereby bringing greater satisfaction when she finally acts on the urge. She has not spilled any angelic blood in Caelum, though the temptation is strong, for she knows Michael has become astute to her presence. She has left a fair few victims in Sanctus Terra, a pursuit which has become less satisfying overtime. Still, Salome is careful. For all their talk of kinship, she is not sure that her fellow demons would refrain from locking her in the Black Cells if they had just cause.

[ aaaaaaand I leave you with the last verse of ‘Salome’, a poem by Mary Lamb. I honestly can’t describe it as anything over then *chef’s kiss*. I don’t know if Rosey read this when she was writing Salome’s bio, but I thought the writing style and tone and vibe and all beautifully mirrored each other?? Stunning. On that note, regardless of whether of not you think I’m right for Salome, thank you for the obvious amount of time/thought you’ve all put into this because it’s been really (really) fun to explore. ]

When painters would by art express Beauty in unloveliness, Thee, Herodias’ daughter, thee, They fittest subject take to be. They give thy form and features grace; But ever in they beauteous face They shew a steadfast cruel gaze, An eye unpitying; and amaze In all beholders deep they mark, That thou betrayest not one spark Of feeling for the ruthless deed, That did thy praiseful dance succeed. For on the head they make you look, As if a sullen joy you took, A cruel triumph, wicked pride, That for your sport a saint had died.

[borathae]

~Chapter 28~ I'm sad bc the main story is gonna be over soon 😭

🖤 Best Friend - Saweetie ft. Doja Cat

Ok so this is a fun one. I don't even know what to quote, everything about this screams oc & Jimin's relationship. I can so see them hyping each other up like that. Esp. at a party when they both had a little too much to drink or when oc comes down to the strip club to support bestie Jimin.

🖤 Idle Town - Conan Gray

Just some small town vibes. "This town will never change, people come and go, it's all the same. Speed the roads on our doubting days to any place that's far away." And idk I just can see oc working at the diner, cleaning some tables, smiling to herself while this is playing. Like yes ofc she's sad most of her friends are leaving but at the same time she's so happy they are pursuing their dreams. And eventhough a lot of things are changing the comfort she gets from her hometown isn't. "Yeah, I think that we'll all be okay. The idle town will stay as it stays."

🖤 Forever Ago - Woodlock

This song represents what I think oc is currently feeling. Like how most people have this fear that their friend is gonna change and come back as a different person when they leave to pursue their dreams. Like I said I think she's obviously very happy for her friends but it's just a rational fear. And especially bc oc's friends mean everything to her. And you know how you realise how much someone really means to you as soon as they are gone for a while. And how it shows who your real friends are bc those ones will always check up on you no matter where you are. Like it actually shows the strength of a relationship. "Don't go changing, you mean everything to me. And hope, you shine a light that covers me. My love for you grows stronger when we are apart." Also you can project this song onto her friends leaving or jungkook being away. "We can build our own family. One day, we will but for now wait. So I'll share your time, for a time as you travel the seas. [...] And it's hard, I know, it dont feel right when we are apart but we will grow taller together. I'll be known by the strength of your heart. For my love for you grows stronger when we are apart. [...] It's hard to let you go chasing your dreams but I know you will return back to me. So I'll wait here with the love that sets me apart." I love this song so much, it's actually so comforting.

🖤 Coastal Love - HONNE

Tell me you don't see this playing while you see a split screen of oc & jungkook living their monday to friday life until they see each other again. Like you see them waking up, driving to work, working, everything in between being all busy and then laying in bed at night starring at the ceiling and then turning to one side facing each other but they are still in different beds. "I don't live in your part of the world, I know it's not ideal, oh but nothing is forever my girl. [...] I'm a believer, you may be far away but you're thinking the same. I close my eyes and I picture us together. I hope you know that I'll be waiting here for you my love. [...] 'Cause you're the real deal. You're worth every bit as much as you know. [...] I'll get there girl albeit it slow. [...] I'll be waiting here for you. [...] Oh and it might take all night but we're only one flight away from each other. I'm coming for you, hold on tight."

Holy shit omfg you even found songs for Chapter 28?? Can I like marry you?? 😍 I didn’t think you would actually find songs for this chapter, given how not many emotional shit happened in this chapter and yet here you are, coming through like an absolute diamond ���💜

Best Friend - Saweetie ft. Doja Cat

OKAY NO JOKE WHENEVER I listen to this song I think of their friendship. Like this is 100% their song. I can clearly imagine it how they are hyping each other up and swinging their lil booties 😔 gosh seriously I love the fact that you served us some Jimin & OC appreciation. They have to be my favourite friendship I have ever written 😔💜 

Idle Town - Conan Gray

DON’T COME AT ME WITH THAT SCENARIO HOLY SHIT NOW I AM CRYING 😭😭😭 like I just imagined how the setting sun is shining into the diner, illuminating her face as she looks outside and watches Taehyung drive off. Her heart aches in her chest and yet she feels so incredibly excited for him. And then she lets out a sigh and reaches for the inner pocket of her jacket, pulling out the polaroid of Jungkook. A sad smile is on her face as she looks at him, “fuck Kook I miss you like crazy”, she’d whisper to herself as she drags her thumb over his face. 😔 I will now see myself out and cry on the grass ajsjs 

Forever Ago - Woodlock

I didn’t know this song before. Holy shit and reading your description whilst listening to the song just made me burst into tears. Do you know that feeling when you can feel your heart kind of clenching as if someone was squeezing it really tightly? I just had this feeling and now I am :( jfadjsfj hELP I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D HIT ME WITH SUCH FEELS OMFG 😭😭 this is so fucking perfect I am loving it and I can’t, I just can’t I am sobbing 😭😭 like I am seeing a driving montage. Either Kook, Jimin or Tae driving out of town, waving at the people they drive past and laughing freely while in their hearts they feel heavier and heavier the further they go. Like just them realising “holy shit I am leaving. This was my home and now I am leaving.” And as the town grows smaller and smaller in their rearview mirror, the moon replaces the sun on the sky and the song fades out... 

Coastal Love - HONNE

onoono omg I could imagine this so well HAHAHHA I AM LAUGHING IN PAIN 😔😔 anonie holy shit this is perfect I fucking love this ommgmfg 😭😭😭 I didn’t know this song before and goddamn it just fits this story so well 🥺 gosh now all I can think of is that montage hahahah it’s playing in my head right as we speak 😔

Thank you so much for your recs, seriously I didn’t think you’d come up with songs for this chapter so I am literally so grateful for those recs 🥺 I love you lots 🥺💜

[pocmuzings]

💘 + hana & suraj 😌

wipes sweaty shaking hands . .. . .

where they first met and how : at school ! not entirely sure on grade . . but definitely like . .  middle school . . fresh high school ? hana had just moved , and she saw suraj was in her class and o wow she was smitten she thought he was BEAUTIFUL

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved : their actual FLIRTING flirting stage was mainly just hana shamelessly hitting on him and staring at his ass . . so what . i think that lasted.. like a year and a half ? before she chilled out a little , and stopped just idolising him and began actually TALKING to him . and then it was still a lil flirty but it was actually like ‘ oh . . oh this guy has thoughts and is smart and thoughtful and sweet and not just a Hottie with a Body . . ‘ 

who fell for who first ( if applicable ): i think hana fell hard initially but it was legit just infatuation and her thinking he was hot . . i think from there . . they both kinda fell for each other ? once they started getting to know each other and working on school projects together . hana figured by then that he was way out of her league , so she’d kinda just given up and was happy just be Friends ? so she never even CONSIDERED suraj might like her too . 

where their first date was and what it was like : oH THIS ??? IM NOT ?? IM NOT SURE ? i feel like when suraj first got his license he probably picked her up and took her out somewhere , and brought her flowers he’d nervously ripped out of his neighbours yard . . and like . he tried to take her to a nice dinner but maybe his car stalled ? she spilled something on her nice skirt ?? it was a disaster lowkey , and ended with them in a carpark of a 7 / 11 sharing a bag of skittles and holding hands probably and it was . . an amazing date . hana didn’t even care that everything ‘ technically ‘ went wrong . 

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? ): AHHH THIS IS HARD TO ANSWER ?? because there was a lot of dancing around it . a lot of uncertainty and jealousy and saying ‘ ha ha we’re just friends ‘ . i truly  don’t know who would have . . made the Move finally and asked out who and how ? i feel like it could have been suraj , but hana misunderstood and thought it was a Friendship thing , too . 

who proposes first: OH IT WAS SURAJ AND WE ALL KNOW IT  . i feel like hana maybe murmured it one night , them half asleep , her face smushed into his neck , like ‘ i wanna marry you ‘ , but it was suraj who literally had the Plan and the idea and the whole set up and he asked her and hana was both surprised and not surprised and SO HAPPY

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away : they didn’t really , in fact if anything they kept their relationship secret to EACH OTHER . like everyone else kinda knew they were into each other but they were both like . . ha ha . . nah . 

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? ) : god u guys are really testing me today . . umm i feel like it was on new years and it was a little cliche , and hana and suraj were hosting a lil drinks together and had dinner with her parents beforehand and yeah . . ok . . suraj definitely did the thing with the Ring in the Glass , and him on his knee just as the fireworks went off . hana probably was laughing and crying and pulled out a ring SHE had for SURAJ in her purse and they’re both dumb idiots in love !

if they adopt any pets together : hana would adopt 2000958489 pets if she could , and suraj rlly has to put his foot down or he’ll come home to so many . luckily , most of their lives they’ve lived in apartments so having pets hasnt been a super high possibility . also . . hana is quite careless and has k*lled many , many of their goldfish . . 

who’s more dominant : hana is more outwardly dominant but only because she’s SO loud and outspoken and talk talk talk talk TALKS . but suraj is quietly dominant ? like he’s the one who’ll put his hand out and immediately Everyone Respects and Listens and Shuts The Hell Up . he can command a room very easily if he wanted to . as for s*XUALLY . . hana LOVES when suraj gets a lil . . u know . . commanding in the bedroom . but she is usually the one who initiates it , and then he will hesitate but get iNTO IT. 

where their first kiss was and what it was like: their first kiss was prom ! they both came with other dates and were acting like they weren’t jealous . hana’s date was a dick the whole night so she bailed , suraj’s date left early to go to some party . . it was them two in a carpark lowkey bickering and then . . oh the kiss just Happened !

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? ): OH HANA GETS THEM EVERYTHING . they have mr & mrs everything . she got them his & her towels . . ‘ HANAS BOYFRIEND ‘ as a mug to suraj ( for him to take to work so no Woman talks to him dfkjnfnk ) . they also definitely have 3000 matching halloween costumes , and ugly christmas sweaters . 

how into pda they are : neither of them are actually super super pda-y besides a kiss goodbye / hello , and a hand hold . if they’re a little drunk or tipsy , hana definitely snuggles on in and just Holds him the entire night and presses kisses to his neck because she’s Addicted to him . 

who holds the umbrella when it rains : SURAJ LOOK AT HOW TALL HE IS . and he just does it silently . . he takes it and holds it , and ensures hana doesn’t stumble into her 3000th puddle , or accidentally hit someone with the umbrella ( when she holds the umbrella , she always smacks suraj in the face and doesnt even notice dkjnjnfkfn ) 

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable ) : i don’t know if they have one atm ? it was their rooftop for a while probably , in their old apartment complex ? thatd be date night usually . currently ..  they’re pretty happy just having dinner together every night in their house in general ? 

who’s more protective: hana is definitely protective because she doesn’t like the way suraj’s family treats him , mainly . like he’s not a PUSHOVER per se , but he isn’t very confrontational and ppl sometimes take advantage of that , and around his family she KNOWS they hurt his feelings and she really really doesn’t like that  

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ ): platonically , they share a bed a bunch of times before they become ‘ them ‘ . hana’s parents let suraj stay over literally whenever , and they have a Knowing look in their eyes and would tease them about ‘ leaving the door open ‘ ( and hana would groan very loudly whilst suraj would stammer out a ‘ no - i - never . . ) . the first time they had sex was also in hana’s bed lets be honest . it was careful and gentle and both of them laughing nervously and moving slowly and taking Care of each other . 

if they argue about anything : they don’t really argue with each other until they moved to mystic and things got Strained slightly . hana started acting quite obviously distant and it started stressing suraj out . other than that . . they argued maybe once or twice about surajs brother ? it was never anything TOO serious but it was a little bickering about how hana didn’t trust him and wished suraj didn’t hold out hope for him , and suraj defending himself and his brother . it’s never been anything too ugly ?? 

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. ) : hana . she leaves hickies on suraj any damn day . she also definitely comes to his office and will put on a fresh coat of lipstick and kiss him stupid ( and hand him her panties before stepping out ) because she just LIKES seeing him all flustered . plus she . . maybe likes that people KNOW that its HER with suraj . 

who steals whose clothes and how often : oh we know hana wears his clothes constantly . she loves them . they smell like him . she wears them as pyjamas , or sometimes as a lazy sunday brunch look . he’ll be like ‘ babe did you see my ralph lauren button up - oh “  and there she is on the kitchen bench swinging her legs , grinning at him . 

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? ) : they definitely swap ‘ big spoon / little spoon ‘ positions a lot . or they sleep holding hands , on different sides of the bed , but always touching in some way . 

what their favourite nonsexual activity is  : honestly . . just being around each other dfjkfnfn i know thats so cheesy but its true they love each other so much. their ABSOLUTE favourite thing to do is literally just talk about their days ? or like . cook for each other in the kitchen , or share music together , i feel ? just smth where they can be in their Space but not necessarily have to fill it with anything

how long they stay mad at each other : NOT LONG AT ALL !! barely anytime at all ! except . .One Time in the future when they have a huge blow out and theyre both utterly miserable , but all other small indifferences and ‘ arguments ‘ literally last an hour max . hana just can’t be mad at suraj bc he’s SO sweet and lovely and understanding she just . . always crawls back and knows shes the one being unreasonable 9  / 10 times . 

what their usual coffee / tea orders are : hana always gets a ridiculously bright, overly sugary, coloured drink , or always tries something new ( trying to make her way through the menu ) . i feel like suraj is either more of a long black , or cappuccino guy , or a tea drinker ? 

if they ever have any children together : oh ho ho . .   THIS . .  .woweee . . no, they do not ! not yet . . i want to say ? ?  mayhaps . . 

if they have any special pet names for each other : ‘  babe ‘ ‘ baby ‘ ‘ sweetie ‘ . hana calls suraj ‘ su ‘ sometimes ? 

if they ever split up and / or get back together : they . . split up exactly ONCE . and they get back together because they literally can’t live without each other. the split up isn’t anybodys fault per se , either . its that hana has suddenly a lot of trauma and memories resurface and she doesnt know how to deal with it , and suraj tries to help and it TERRIFIES her and causes this distance and rift between them and then she just thinks maybe he’d be better off without her , so she gives him back the ring and cue them both being utterly MISERABLE . they find their way back together though . they always do . 

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? ) : despite hana being very messy and all over the place , their living space is quite minimalist and clean . hana’s work space is an explosion of materials and colour swatches and scrapbooks , but the house as a whole is neat and tidy and i feel we mainly have suraj to thank for that 

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like : they spent half the day at hana’s parents , and half the day at suraj’s , then spent the evening / night together . they mainly enjoyed coming back home to each other tbh ? suraj’s family is . . Difficult , and hana tries not to stay around them for too long bc she sees them Drain suraj . 

what their names are in each other’s phones: hana’s name for suraj is probably  ‘ BABY 💕🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕🥰💕 ‘ she probably renamed herself in suraj’s phone too , to like . . ‘ LOVE OF MY LIFE ‘ and he never changed it back dfkjfnkfn 

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? ) : their tradition is usually having dinner together every night ? no matter who cooks or what they buy . or even if hana is working late on wedding stuff , suraj will come sit with her and bring her her dinner still . they also send each other Silly Goofy selfies every now and then , just randomly throughout the day 

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first : it really depends on the day ! during the week i think suraj usually falls asleep first ? and hana just rakes her fingers through his hair , because she usually works late and stuff , and tbh she loves when suraj is asleep bc hes a big golden retriever cuddled up to her . but everytime they watch a movie together , hana definitely falls asleep first and misses EVERYTHING  . as for waking up first , i feel like this must be suraj ? because hana loves sleep and also she doesnt sleep very WELL and sometimes has nightmares . 

who’s the big spoon / little spoon : they honestly take turns ok , there i said it . 

who hogs the bathroom : hana literally for every event . she loves makeup so much . she’ll be doing it for two hours , suraj sitting on the bed fully dressed being like ‘  baby i’m not pressuring u but uh . . we’re half an hour late to our own wedding dinner rehearsal ‘ dfkjndfnjk

who kills the spiders / takes them outside : THEY’RE BOTH DECENT AT THIS ? they both take the spiders outside . if its a particularly big one or scary one . . it goes to suraj though . hana PREFERS if suraj does it , but if he’s not around she’ll try her Best . 

[rohad93]

A Work In Progress: Memory in G Minor

A lil Bellow Diamond snippet that fits in with the events of my stories from bellow week but after the movie(though it doesnt matter much) Also my beta reader left the country so excuse and mistakes. 

~~~~~~~~~

Another day on Homeworld in Era 3 started as it typically did in the confines of Yellow Diamonds palace, with the low hum of machinery and the clinking and clanking of metal. 

Though it was no longer the hum of large scale weaponry, or the clinking and clanking of metal plates being constructed into battle ships. 

Now it was just Yellow herself, alone in her personal workshop, a place nearly abandoned after the end of Era one. There simply hadn’t been the time, between the other diamonds courts and her own she was mildly surprised she hadn’t cracked under the strain. A burden made all the more apparent by the sudden surplus of free time she suddenly had. 

There were still things to see too but it was nothing like before and for as much as she knew Steven did enjoy spending time with them, she was well aware that he had his own life to live on Earth and that the three of them, especially White, could be a little much. 

 She was resolved to try and respect that. 

They had Spinel with them now but they all still needed time apart, herself especially. There was only so much of White she could handle in any given rotation.

Thus how she had rediscovered her workshop, the place limb enhancers, destabilizers and rejuvenators had been birthed. 

She now felt some modicum of shame at the last two, but there was no use wallowing in past mistakes. It was what had been required of her at the time. 

She was however reminded of the great pride she felt whenever pieces slotted together and worked as they should, a fulfillment she had felt long ago, when she was a much younger gem. A time before she had conquered her first planet, a time before Pink or even Blue had existed.  

Now, when she wasn’t needed or in the presence of her fellow diamonds she retreated to her workshop for quiet and solitude. 

A small concentrated zap of her powers soldered two plates of metal together, connecting their circuits. Yellow hummed to herself as she inspected the tiny circuitry with a critical eye before nodding to herself as she slotted the new piece into place in the circuit board. 

Her newest project was something she had wanted to work on for a long time, a very long time. It was only now that she finally had the chance. It had been in the works for several months and she was very nearly finished with it now. 

It had been so long and yet her hands moved as though it had barely been a rotation since last she had tinkered with the tools strewn about the table. 

Her gem would glow periodically as she infused her power into the small circuits, hopefully ensuring it would do what she had planned for it to do. 

She was so absorbed in the small device in front of her that she didn’t even notice the pneumatic hiss of the workshop doors. 

Brows furrowed in concentration as she worked a small part into its rightful place between a set of metal prongs.  

“So this is where you’ve been.” A melodic voice at her back broke the silence, making the golden gem jerk up in surprise. 

“Blue!” Yellow nearly yelped, turning to her azure counterpart, standing their with a small smile on her lips. “What are you doing here?” She turned around fully to face her.

“Looking for you of course, darling.” She said as her eyes roamed around the workshop and the many partially completed projects from eons past. “I had forgotten this place even existed.” She admitted, openly admiring the many devices hanging from the walls

 “I nearly did as well.” Yellow admitted, rolling her shoulders, only now realizing how long she’d been hunched over the work table. “You’ve grown tired of White and Spinel’s company already?” She cocked a brow.

“The two of them are completely engaged in one of Spinel’s games so I thought I might come keep you company for a while, if you don’t mind that is.” cobalt eyes settled back on her, a soft smiling pulling at her lips. 

“You know I don’t, though I doubt you’ll find my work of particular interest.” She turned back to her current project, well aware of Blue peeking around her shoulders, gazing down at fist sized cube Yellow held gently in her hand. 

“The things you come up with are always interesting.” She assured, brushing her fingers through stiff golden hair teasingly. 

“I think you mean deadly.” Yellow grunted, twisting a small bolt in place with a satisfying click. 

“Well, some of them have been that, certainly.” She agreed, moving to the side to better view her love at work. “That doesn’t lessen the brilliance or ingenuity.” She insisted. 

Molten gold eyes slid to regard her from the corner of her eye for a brief moment.

“You flatter me.” She said in a deadpan voice, though the subtle upturn of her lips held a different tone altogether. 

“I do try.”  She admitted with a small grin. “So, what are you working on?” She turned her gaze back to the device that enviously held her lovers attention so strongly. 

“I can’t say.” Yellow said after a long moment, turning to look at the perplexed look on Blue’s face. “It’s a surprise.” She finally said, a certain look in her diamond shaped eyes. 

“I don’t care for surprises…” Blue crossed her robed arms, a pout settling on her face that made Yellow snort in amusement. 

“Be that as it may you’ll have to wait just the same.” She went back to fiddling with the device, well aware of the look Blue was giving her. 

“Very well.” She acquiesced. “Keep your secrets, I simply came to keep you company.” She flipped a hand nonchalantly as she sat in the chair near the bench but Yellow knew better. It was eating her up. 

In the ensuing quiet she was able to concentrate again on the task at hand, completely forgetting about her counterpart watching her quietly as she cut and molded pieces to fit her needs.

She wasn’t sure how many cycles had passed when she finally stood up straight, holding the completed device in her hands.

“Are you finished?” She nearly jumped when Blue spoke.She had all but forgotten of her fellow diamonds presence. 

“I am” Yellow turned to face Blue and her curious expression, holding out the device on her upturned palm.

“For me?”  Blue blinked back at Yellow in surprise.

“For you.” was all the other diamond said. 

Reaching out carefully Blue plucked the device from her lovers hands. It didn’t appear to be anything special. A small metal cube, with deep lines carved across every face, meeting at a small crystal at the center of its top face and a diamond shaped button on it’s left face. 

Blue glanced up at her companion who gave an encouraging smile before Blue pressed the button. 

Yellow light glowed in the crevices that lined the device on every side, reaching up and lighting the crystal at its top. 

Yellow, needlessly, held her breath.

Blue waited and it seemed like nothing was going to happen for a moment, just as she was about to turn back to Yellow did she hear it. 

It started quiet at first, a soft, almost humming melody.

A song.

Wordless and quiet but growing stronger and louder till the beautiful lilting melody filled the air around her. 

It was beautiful and there was something eerily familiar about the sound of the singer. It most certainly wasn’t Yellow or White, both were incapable of such quiet singing.

The voice pitched to another note and realization smacked Blue so hard she thought her gem might crack. 

“Pink…” The name ghosted across her lips unbidden. It was Pink singing.  Blue remained mesmerized by the boxes song as Pinks long absent voice crooned in delicate, wordless notes before the song faded out and the crystal went dark.

Watery ocean eyes looked up at Yellow in silent question. 

“This…” she started, cupping her hand beneath Blue’s still clutching the small device “...is something I began working on when we first gave Pink the Earth. I knew how much you missed her and I wished to ease it.” She explained the boxes purpose. “It was forgotten in the wake of the rebellion and...other things.” She trailed off. None of them particularly liked talking about Pinks fake shattering. 

“Why now?” Blue glanced down at the device before looking back up at Yellow.

“It seemed like you could use it now, now that the memory isn’t so... painful.” She gave an awkward little shrug. 

“However did you make it sound like her?” Blue marveled at the little metal box. 

“It doesn’t sound like her, it is her.” She sniffed. “We didn’t have any recordings of Pink singing so I built this, to access and record audio memories from a gem. I simply used my own” She explained to her amazed counterpart. 

Blue stared down at the box clutched in her fingers before looking back up at Yellow.   

“This is… your memory of Pink singing?” She asked slowly once the implication of what Yellow was saying sank in. 

“It is” Was the simple answer. Blue clutched the box close to her, as if it hadn’t already been precious before. A small piece of Pink returned to her, through her darling Yellow.  

“It’s wonderful, Yellow.” She smiled despite the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes as she leaned against the other diamond. “Thank you.” She pressed a kiss Yellow’s cheek. 

“Anything for you, Blue.”

[mittensmorgul]

ok ok i KNOW promos are little more than glimpsing the episode through a keyhole, BUT, if it is what it looks like, i think it’s safe to say that dean is doing his Classic Dean thing, and projecting the anger he feels at himself onto other people. because we KNOW how hard it was for dean to come around to jack, and accept that he wasn’t a threat, and dean even fully embraced him as part of the family, and then.... jack maybe kinda turns out to be exactly what dean thought he was from the start.

Yeah, that’s at least a big part of this. I mean, let’s go back and look at Dean’s trust-vs-acceptance arcs way back in s4. It’s not an exact parallel, but it’s thematically similar.

And for full owie factor, I’m watching 8.07 while I’m typing this up (thanks, TNT loop), and I have it paused on the scene where Dean and Cas are having their little talk while waiting for Linda Tran to show up… Dean’s angry and hurt, and has literally created a false memory of the situation because it was too painful. So yeah, we know this is something Dean does.

But back to the example I was gonna use here. In s4, Dean was being asked to trust Ruby, despite all his instincts screaming at him not to. Obviously Dean never developed a parental relationship with her, she never fully entered his sphere of trust the way Jack has, which only makes this a thousand times worse now. Because Jack DID get through Dean’s defenses, and proved he was worthy of being there, in Dean’s inner circle of family.

And despite everything, Dean’s gonna hate HIMSELF for what Jack’s done now. Because HE feels responsible for not being able to handle Jack’s death back in 14.08, because HE pushed to find a way to bring Jack back, because HE didn’t know how to handle things when Jack wasn’t doing well again, because HE allowed Jack’s “I’m fine” to stand even back in 14.14 before he burned up so much of his soul to kill Michael, and because HE didn’t know how bad things were getting for Jack now.

I mean, if DEAN had only been able to hold Michael back, Jack would never have had to risk his own soul to save them. If he’d just thrown himself in the ocean, Jack could’ve been FINE, right?!

I mean, Dean doesn’t know that Jack already wasn’t fine, and that he was already casually burning up more and more of his soul to hide his symptoms in 14.14. Dean ALSO doesn’t know what Cas sacrificed in order to bring Jack’s soul back in 14.08. And he’s gonna feel like crap when he finds out, because Cas did that for him, because he honestly believed that Dean would rather have Jack healthy and whole than him. And just D: D: D:

Cas and Dean are BOTH in this boat– Dean because of the guilt surrounding everything to do with Michael and his own personal perceived failings in that regard, and Cas who has now literally thrown everything away FOR NOTHING.

Cas staked EVERYTHING. HE. IS. on recovering Jack’s soul, and he’s horrified and had been in denial that it was lost forever. For NOTHING.

GEE. I WONDER WHY HE DIDN’T TELL DEAN.

He was so desperate he set out to find God again. Not for the reasons he did back in s5, but for incredibly PERSONAL reasons. I mean 5.02:

CASTIEL: I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world, and I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.

and from 5.18:

CASTIEL: I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? DEAN: Cas! Please! CASTIEL: I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.

Can you imagine sacrificing literally everything you are, all chance at future happiness included, for someone who KNEW exactly what you had given up, only to have that person feel their “mission” was more important than anything else? Who was willing to sacrifice both of them to complete that mission? Because that’s what Jack has done.

If Jack’s soul really is gone forever, then Cas’s sacrifice has been for nothing. But Dean’s reaction is clearly coming from a place where Dean himself knows nothing about that sacrifice. Because Cas didn’t want to burden him with it. And Jack KNEW that.

But there’s so many of these threads coming together in the plot knot currently. and heck, this scene from 8.07 is on my screen rn:

DEAN: That was a bonehead move back there. You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn’t you wait for me?CASTIEL: Well, I didn’t get killed. And it worked.DEAN: And if it didn’t?CASTIEL: It would have been my problem.DEAN: Well, that’s not the way I see it.CASTIEL: Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility. Getting me out of Purgatory wasn’t your responsibility.DEAN: You didn’t get out. So whose fault was it?CASTIEL: It’s not about fault. It’s about will. Dean, do you really not remember?DEAN: [laughs shortly] I lived it, Cas. Okay, I know what happened.CASTIEL: No. No, you think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.DEAN: Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!

Sacrifice, self-worth, free will and choice… same themes, different go-around on all the loops here.

One last thought… Jack’s had a LOT of Star Wars references around his narrative journey. Dean’s been worried Jack could go Dark Side since the day he was born. I mean, Dean was worried at first that Jack was BORN dark, and it took him A LOT to separate out the guilt, horror, and grief of Cas’s death back in early s13 for Dean to even BEGIN to see that Jack wasn’t inherently evil. It took Cas coming back from the Empty (that metaphorical Dark Side), and then Jack’s time in the AU fighting alongside Mary for him to truly feel that Jack was growing into the Light Side of the Force.

It wasn’t that Jack killed Nick, because it had become clear that Nick was just Lucifer Lite (all the evil, none of the archangelic mojo), and despite being given several chances to stop, Jack did what we all knew had to be done. Only… the WAY he did it was just horrifying in itself. He could’ve just… zapped Nick dead instantly. He could’ve snapped his fingers and turned him to dust like he’s done to so many others, going back to the angels he poofed in the AU during s13. Heck, he could’ve shot him or just stabbed him with a knife. Nick was human. It would’ve killed him. But instead, Jack wanted him to suffer. Jack inflicted slow torture on Nick, believing he deserved to suffer. And that Jack was righteous in being the agent of that suffering.

That wasn’t a reflection on what Nick might or might not have deserved, but on JACK, and the fact he’s not in control of the Force anymore. The Dark Side got his claws in him, and it’s controlling him now.

It reminded me a tiny bit of one of Dean’s lessons during 6.11, while Dean was playing Death for a day. One touch and he could end the suffering of people slated to die and send them on to their afterlife– be it Heaven, Hell, whatever. It wasn’t DEAN CAUSING this guy’s suffering, but kinda… choosing to let it go on a lil bit, because the guy had been willing to shoot a KID just to rob a convenience store:

TESSA Hello? Tick tock.DEAN He’s in agonizing pain, right?TESSA Uh, yes.DEAN Give me a minute.

Dean then called the guy’s spirit a dick, and basically told him he was going to Hell… I mean, I get it, it feels good to watch someone get their comeuppance. But it’s another thing entirely to be the cause of someone’s suffering, even if they richly deserve it. To actively, vindictively feel justified in making someone suffer the way Jack did to Nick there. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment, and if Mary hadn’t been there growing more and more horrified, who even knows how long that torture would’ve continued. It wasn’t at all about what Nick “deserved.” We all get it, he deserved to suffer. It was about what this (and his actions in the next scene talking to Mary) said about JACK.

Like soulless!Sam, he can’t even see how wrong his actions are. He becomes defensive when Mary tries to explain, as carefully as she can, why she’s concerned for him. But Jack’s self-preservation, and the preservation of his beliefs about himself in a fundamental way, were threatened. He tried to rationalize and defend his actions. He told her Sam and Dean were GRATEFUL that he’d killed Nick and stopped Lucifer from coming back. And yeah, we all are, but that’s dusted now and we’re left with this deep concern for Jack instead.

He needed his actions to be justified, to be approved of, because without his own internal moral compass, he NEEDS the “What Would The Winchesters Do” validation. And Mary couldn’t give it.

At this point, I’ve typed so long I’ve got one last example from the TNT loop, at the end of 8.08. Fred Jones finally gets to confront the evil man who’d used his power to do bad things and got a lot of people killed in the process. When Sam and Cas confronted Fred, and woke him up enough to recognize what was happening, Fred used his power to kill the evil doctor. He didn’t drag it out, just forced the guy to turn the gun on himself while telling him that he’d never hurt anyone else again. But then Fred could see how his powers had been used for evil, and instead of attempting to defend or justify any of this, he voluntarily allowed his powers (and much of what made him him) to be extracted so that he could never be used that way again.

Jack… did the opposite.

This is all tied up in Cas’s personal issues with his own power, his identity, his endless struggles for and against Heaven, what he’s personally sacrificed for his loved ones. And heck at this point I don’t even remember the initial question, so I hope I’ve answered it…

*scrolls up to reread this before posting*

wow this reply went places…