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7spaceace7 · 4 years

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Secrets (A Donatello x Reader)

This is incredibly self-indulgent and was really just a fic for me to obsess over tesla coils, but my girlfriend convinced me to post it- so here it is! It got kind of long too, but I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 3236

Reader is given feminine terms in this one

Mild cursing (thank you Raph)

Absolute fluff attack, the sweetness will rot your teeth

Singing was your greatest passion. From a young age, you had been roped into music, the emotions it could represent with just a few notes and some relatable lyrics. It was happiness, it was sadness, it was anger and excitement, and it was everything you couldn’t express well enough with just words. Being a writer, sometimes that would get frustrating, but music helped you overcome the most challenging spots in a new piece or story. This is why you would constantly have earbuds in as you sang along to every song you’d memorized on your Spotify shuffle.

And Donnie noticed this. Every time you would enter the turtles’ lair, he would see you unplug and pack-up your headphones. Hell, he was even able to detect your singing from the sounds of the sewer tunnels echoing with every step you took closer. He’d hear you talk about the music or soundtracks of your favorite games and movies, analyzing what every slight twinge or reprise would allude to. And he loved every part of it. He loved getting to see those moments where music was all you could focus on. Your heart rate rose exponentially in anticipation and excitement. Your eyes would screw shut while you broke into a grin. Your hands would mimic motions to the beat as you played on invisible drums, or strummed a nonexistent guitar.

It was adorable to him, to say the least. But he never told you so. He never said a word, in case this might scare you off for coming across as “creepy” or weird. He knew most people probably didn’t pay this close attention to little things like that, but then again, he also knew that most people weren’t madly in love with you.

Which Donatello was.

He couldn’t tell you, because once he started rambling about you, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop. And if he didn’t stop, then he’d run the 89.07% chance risk of telling you how he’d been in love with you since the day they met you. That was way too high for him to be comfortable. No, he couldn’t tell you, no matter how badly he wanted you to know.

“Okay, so what if you just show ‘er you’re interested instead?” Raph asked, half paying attention to his brother’s predicament, half pounding the punching bag before him into the ground. Leo was in the dojo meditating, and Mikey was playing video games in the living room, which left the two middle brothers to their own devices. For Donnie, this was literally. His three-fingered hands fiddled with his latest electrical circuit. It was bound for sending the right amount of voltage into his inventions without needing four power strips and a generator all on their own. Unfortunately, he was too distracted to actually delve into its components, and settled for breaking and piecing it back together again.

“Show her? How would I do that?” Donnie’s voice trembled at the thought.

“I dunno, you’re the genius here,” Raph huffed, “There’s gotta be somethin’ in this place that you think she’d find cool. She loves music, right?”

“Yeah, like a lot, she even-”

“Rhetorical question, Don, heard the rant plenty,” His brother cut him off. Pausing his violent onslaught of the dummy, he turned to face him. “You’re nervous ‘cause you ain’t ever done somethin’ for a pretty girl before, I get it. So do somethin’ you know you’re good at. That’ll take the nerves off, your plan works, and then I won’ have to listen to you babbling about whatever new fuckin’ thing she did today. Win win.”

The younger turtle paused. “That was...actually pretty sound advice, thank you, Raph.”

“Anytime,” Raph nodded, a smug smile tugging at his lips from being able to help. Problem was, now he was invested. He’d listened to his brother’s rants and rambles and failed plans of possibly confessing for weeks now, what was gonna happen once he finally did it? Raph plopped onto one of Donnie’s bean bag chairs. He didn’t bother to pick up the training dummy. “So what ya gonna do, smart guy?”

Donnie blinked a few times, glasses twitching on his nose as he pushed them up. He didn’t know it, but you coined this his “brainstorming face”. He fiddled with the circuits once again.

“Uh...I’m not sure,” His tongue went dry. A million ideas fly through his brain each minute, and this decides to be the time that he can’t think of a single one good enough. Figures. “I could build her something? Maybe a new stereo, or upgrade the one she has.”

Raph made a noise of disapproval. “You can do better, any old fix-it guy could do that.”

“Fair. Maybe I could- ow!”

A short buzz of the air cut him off as his fiddling paid off. To the world’s great irony, a light bulb several inches away lit up.

“You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I…” Donnie trailed off. The purple-clad turtle’s eyes widened as he registered what happened. “I’m better than good, I just had an epiphany!”

“Epipha-what?”

“An epiphany, sudden realization, an idea!” Donnie flicked his goggles back down, enhancing his vision with the magnifier on it. Wires were tugged in and out, and a transmitter was displaced. With a snort of triumph, he raised it to the air for his brother to see. “This is the answer!”

“A tiny board thing. Just what she’s always wanted,” Raph rolled his eyes, but Donnie was prepared for this.

“Not just a tiny board, a tiny board with this!-” With great haste, Donnie was next to Raph, holding the board out properly. “My side-side project, this little thing, look at the coil here, this is it! This is a tesla coil, capable of transmitting thousands and thousands of volts of energy surging through the air, powering anything within its radius, which is perfect and exactly why I needed to reconfigure it to power my lab and this one new machine I’m working on, but that’s not why this is the perfect idea!”

“Wow, please continue, professor, I’m dyin’ to know.”

“Glad you asked! Watch this!” One aux cord, T-Phone connection, and light-dimming later, the lab went dark in anticipation. And suddenly, with the press of a play button on Donnie’s shuffle, music started to fill the air. But it wasn’t coming from his phone. It was coming from the coils, surging and creating not only electric energy that was visible to the human eye as it sparked, but music. Sound. The beats and notes of the song playing sprouted out in the form of electricity.

Raph’s green eyes became transfixed on the sparks flying out. “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit is right!” Came the squeals of utter nerding out, “This is only a tabletop version of an SGTC circuit, my own type of it anyway based on Tesla’s original designs, but if I reworked it, made it bigger, made it lifelike and maybe four or five of them, I could create the most advanced musical performance this city has ever seen!”

“I’m gonna pretend I know everything you just said because clearly this is your nerd thing,” Raph started, utterly confused. Even still, a reassuring smile framed his features. “But this looks pretty damn cool. This right here? Exactly what ‘m sayin’, Don. This is you.”

“Do you think she’ll like it...?” Donnie asked in a hopeful voice. He wasn’t just asking about the invention.

“Course she will.”

~x~

A couple weeks had passed since that fateful conversation with Raph. He’d been in and out of the lab since then, but between patrols and the mandatory bathroom breaks, there was hardly a time he wasn’t working on his great new project. You weren’t even allowed to go into the lab, per his request, for all his time there.

However, he always made sure to make at least one movie whenever you’d come hang out at the lair from work.

Finally, one Friday night, the set up was complete. Pride swelled in Donnie’s chest as he looked at his creation: six symmetrically placed tesla coils sprung up from the ground and walls all around his lab space. The coilings wrapped around metal frames, spiraling into a beautiful arrangement of engineering, if he did say so himself. Mikey said it looked like the lasers out of a DC comic, which was also not a bad thing to be. He just hoped that you would like it. All of it was for you, of course, but over the weeks that he’d been preparing it, he found more beauty in the music of tesla coils than he ever had appreciated before.

Donnie thought he might thank you for that, if he could get his nerves around it.

God, he was so nervous. Anxiety rushed through his body like the electric pulses he was perfecting. They were already done, but it was all he could do to distract himself while waiting for you to arrive. Maybe the frequencies weren’t in the right key. What if they sounded better this way? Or maybe the firing power wasn’t enough? Trajectory looked alright, maybe it just-

“Donnie?”

“Gh! Y/N, hey!” Stammered the surprised terrapin after knocking his head against the top of a coil. His goggles were on the setting of night-vision, but that didn’t account for night-spatial-awareness, it seemed.

“I got your text to come,” You tried to smile at him, but the dark laboratory proved to make that difficult. “How come it’s so dark in here?”

“Uh, well, that’s p-part of the surprise! Eheh. Gimme just a second-”

You waited patiently outside of his lab, vision still applicable, but grew concerned the more strange noises and clangs you heard coming from inside. This was definitely a whole new level of “Donnie Surprises” just by how nervous he seemed about it.

You yelped when his hand grabbed your arm and dragged you back inside the darkness.

“Okay, uh,” He started, before clapping his hands together for the lights to switch back on, “This is what I wanted to show you.”

Your gaze spun all around the lab. After adjusting to the light, you could clearly see giant mechanism after mechanism placed strategically around in a dome-like setup. Coils that protruded like round-edged spikes circled you both, and in the center was a metal cage.

“Oh my god…” You almost whispered. A large grin broke out onto your face as you stared in quiet marvel at the scene. His plan was working, and Donnie lit up with an outstretched arm in presentation.

“These bad boys are called tesla coils-”

“Tesla coils!” You squealed in imperfect unison to what you assumed was the start of an explanation. “You made tesla coils, Donnie, holy shit!”

“You’ve heard of them?!” Donnie exclaimed, eyes widening behind his glasses.

“YES!” Your hands began to wave around excitedly, “Oh my god I used to be OBSESSED with these things! I heard about when I was a kid from that old movie, oh what was it, it was like the apprentice’s-”

“Sorcerer’s Apprentice!”

“THAT! Yes!”

“I haven’t seen that movie in years!”

“Me neither! All I remember is that Hiccup’s voice actor totally nerded out and programmed his giant tesla coils to play music for the girl he wanted to impress, and it was the coolest thing because these giant machines were playing music, music out of nothing but sparks of electricity at different frequencies, which to be honest probably would have caused more of an energy problem than the movie suggested because goddamn do they take up a lot of power, but I was like six and didn’t care!” You laughed in an energetic burst of word association, practically bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Donnie could have kissed you then and there for that alone.

A grin crept onto his lips as he watched you ramble on about the movie, leaving all anxious thoughts to fall from his mind. For once, someone actually understood one of his passions. Better than that, she was explaining the process to him of all people! Sure, she was intuitive enough to know he didn’t need it, he literally had just built them after all. This was just out of pure excitement. Someone in his life was talking about science and technology like they were the most fascinating things on the planet, just as the purple-masked turtle believed it was. Well, second only to the ecstatic girl in front of him.

“-And so, I randomly remembered it again not that long ago, so I looked it up and found so many videos on YouTube about it. I kid you not, I listened to tesla coils and tesla coils alone for a solid week.”

You breathed heavily, a little winded after such an intense info-dump. God, he always loved when you got excited about something.

“This is kind of surreal,” Donnie chuckled a bit, pushing up his glasses when they tumbled down his nose, “I had no idea you’d get what these were, much less have known so much about them.” Donnie’s eyes widened at his own panicked-fueled blabbering. “N-Not that I think you’re stupid! I just-- I mean it’s not-- common? It’s more of-”

“A niche interest, yeah. No worries,” You finished for him, signaling his stuttered words hadn’t fallen on offended ears. Donnie quietly sighed in relief. Time ticked by in seconds, but even that was much too fast for this martial artist to grasp. If he could have constructed a device to pause the fabrics of time, he would have long ago, simply to relish the moments with you that meant everything to him. It wasn’t your fault your eyes captivated him more than any element he’s worked with.

“So,” You began eagerly, startling him out of his thoughts, “Are we gonna listen to some zappy poles go brrr or what?”

Donnie snorted at your juvenile word choice. “Yeah, totally. Now, ah,” He walked over toward the large cage in the center, stepped inside, then poked his head out with a dorky grin. A large, green hand stood outstretched towards you. “I think you’d better step inside my cage.”

“If you keep quoting the damn movie like this, I am going to explode from excitement, and it will be your fault!” It was a wonder how you hadn’t caught onto his plan yet, honestly. You made no sense of hesitation before grabbing his offered hand (even though your hands were small enough that they hardly matched his palm’s size), and clambered into the cage in front of him. This was a great excuse for you to be close to him without it being weird. And now, with your back brushing up against his plastron, the butterflies in his chest told him it was totally a good call.

Donatello would take this secret to his grave, however.

“Put your hands on the rail here, yep just like that,” Donnie nodded after your hands found the safeguard rail. A couple buttons tapped into a laptop later, he settled his own hands next to yours. “Let the magic begin.”

Magic would have been the understatement of the year. A coil in front of you quickly shot out its first spark. Familiar music breached the sound barrier to your ears. The one behind you both caught it instantly. Spark after spark sent back and forth between the coils, soaring through the lab like the most incredible game of electric catch.

“Whoa!” You laughed when the sparks would bounce off the cage itself, pressing closer to the turtle behind you (much to his surprise every time). Your shining e/c eyes never left the electric bolts shooting out. “This is insane!”

“Heh, glad you like it!” Donnie watched you closely that entire time, more entranced by your excitement and wonderstruck self than anything he’d created. He could power up the tesla coils anytime of day, but this was a special moment he’d never be able to recreate in a controlled environment. This was no experiment, this was real and it was happening right now.

The only thing left to do was tell you how he felt.

“Y/N, I have to tell you something,” He began, stepping away to give you a bit of space. His heart rate was increasing by the second. The way you turned to look at him wasn’t helping, either.

“What is it?” You spoke softly, somehow able to be heard over the music. Donnie could hardly meet your eyes, so he took your hands in his instead.

“I...I don’t know how to say this exactly,” He started, “I’ve been trying to do it for months, going over every possible conjuncture of words, something that would be heartfelt and honest, poetic even? But the truth is, words aren’t my thing, th-they never have been. I’m a science guy, I take things apart and put them back together again, I figure out what makes them work, I see life as a million tiny parts to analyze.”

He paused his quickened speech to take a breath. Your hands squeezed his larger ones as an offer to continue.

“And so, I’m...bad at feelings. I see it all as chemicals and components used by the brain to create action and reaction. But now I’m not so sure if that’s all they are, and really the only thing I am sure about is that it’s because of you that I’m questioning everything I ever thought I knew. Maybe, maybe life is more than atoms and chemicals, and instead it’s about..moments. Moments like this. Moments that...that I..that I really want to keep forever and play over and over again.”

“Donnie…” You spoke. This time he squeezed your hands.

“I know I’m rambling and I should really get to the point, so what I’m trying to say is,” He took another breath, steady this time. His gaze met yours again. “I want to live these moments with you every day. You’re special to me. You’re part of our family, but this is more than that, this feeling is-”

“Love.” You finished for him. Both of your eyes widened as you realized the other felt how you each did.

Donatello nodded slowly, hesitant to be so certain, but knowing it was true. There were no more words to be exchanged after that, only actions, only movements so soft and gentle that the large terrapin was certain he’d break if they could fit in his hands. Your hands left his and instead reached up to grab the long ends of his mask, and tugged gently for him to reach you. He leaned down without a thought. A three-fingered hand found your waist this time.

You kissed. Soft, human lips connected to his slightly chapped reptilian ones. The turtle had waited for this moment since he realized the attraction he felt towards you was not just powerful chemical reactions, but true feelings. It wasn’t biology, it was chance and fate and one-in-a-million all at once. As the sparks continued to (literally) fly, Donnie let his eyes close. This was the present. He was here, he was holding a great new adventure in his hands, and there was a brilliant future just around the corner.

The song may have finished, but this is what would last forever.

#tmnt #tmnt donatello #donatello x reader #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2014 #tesla coils #tmnt raphael #donnie and raph are good bros #tmnt donnie x reader #tmnt 2016 #donatello #raphael #donnie #raph #donnie x reader #fanfics

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watermelonlipstick · 4 years

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Dreams, Chapter 11

If you haven’t read this series before, you might want to start on Chapter 1, or check out the Dreams Masterlist! Here’s the series description:

When Dean dies for good leaving Sam and his girlfriend (the reader) behind, they must figure out how to carry on without him. Alone, reeling, and unsure what to do next, trying to honor Dean’s memory and follow their hearts gets even more complicated when their nightmares become dreams that feel a little too real.

Title: Dreams, Chapter 11

Pairing: (past) Dean Winchester x Reader, (eventual) Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 2616

Summary: Another dream makes things more clear for the reader and less clear for Sam.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, s l o w b u r n

The booths are those plastic-coated pressboard swoops that are so easy to clean, one row down either side of the long room once you walk past the counter to order. Like other pizza places, there are red pepper flakes and grated parmesan on the table, but they also keep ranch dressing in a minifridge behind the counter as a concession to Midwestern sensibilities. You know you’re just outside Dayton just like you know the pizza shop is run by a family, father and two older teenage daughters deftly throwing dough and scattering cheese evenly over it in a way that shows their years of practice. Dean sits across the table with his elbows on it, one forefinger and thumb picking through a plate of nachos between you. His black t-shirt, amulet, and lack of flannel make you notice the hum of the air conditioner in the background, straining over the 90’s alternative radio and reminding you that you’d been here in a heat stroke the summer after you and Dean had gotten together, his golden freckles and lightened tips of his slightly messy hair underlining the memory.

“They don’t serve nachos here.” It’s half statement and half question.

“Babe, it’s your dream. They’ll serve whatever you want. Does the pizza suck in Wisconsin or something?”

The two sisters are whispering to each other as they look over at your table, an almost-argument that ends with who you suspect is the older sister poofing a pinch of flour into the other’s face. They’re both cute girls but she’s adorable, soft cherubic cheeks and messy bun piling impossibly glossy hair on her head as she walks over to the table with a gigantic pizza. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks in a perfect welcoming cheerleader pitch.

“I think we’re good for now, sweetheart,” Dean purrs with a wink. That you remember; you’d playfully chastised Dean for dazzling the teens, laughing in his face when he’d said it wasn’t on purpose, that he couldn’t help it if chicks dug him. The wink had proved your point then and now it makes the girl’s cheeks flush red.

She catches herself remarkably well, the stammer almost slipping under the radar as she assures you that you can “holler if you need anything!”

Dean brushes his fingers free of nacho debris and loosens a piece of pizza from the melting cheese of the ones next to it. “Last time you had all kinds of sweet nothings and questions for me and now you’re Silent Cal?”

“I don’t think this is real, but I’m pretty sure if I push it you’ll either die in this dream or I’ll wake up, so my plan is to stay here as long as we can.”

He drops the pizza back into the box and wipes off his fingers on a napkin before slouching into the booth, arm stretched across its length. “So test me then. Gimme a question only I would know or something.”

“Well if I ask you something that I know the answer to, my brain will just project you knowing it. See the problem?”

Dean squints and pouts in consideration, touch of a smile dancing across his face and if it isn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen may you be struck dead right now. “Then ask me something you don’t know the answer to.”

You think about explaining how that too could just be some part of your subconscious recreation of Dean but you don’t want to keep pulling at loose strings in the event that it wakes you up. It’s too hard to keep from smiling, seeing Dean charming and relaxed like this, and when you grin it makes Dean bite his lip. “What’s something I don’t know the answer to?”

“Ah, ah—I thought I’m just a hologram, how would I know?”

“Projection, but okay,” you stall. “Wait, here’s one. Sam said when I first started going on jobs with you guys that you had to have a conversation about staying focused. What was that all about?”

He runs his tongue along the inside of his lower lip. “Man, why would he tell you that?” he says under his breath, smirking mostly to himself before leaning forward to meet your eyes. “Fine. I’m not even sure that you’re going to remember this. There was a vengeful spirit in Indiana, some like homesteader guy, ring a bell?”

You have only the vaguest sense of recollection and sort of waggle your head to show it.

“It was way at the beginning of when you started coming on jobs with us. You and Bobby got into it because he wanted you to bring your own car so you could ditch us if we were ‘acting like cretins’ or some shit like that?”

That fits the last puzzle piece in for you and makes you chuckle. “He ended up giving me like $250 of mad money in case I needed a new room or a bus ticket, yeah. I remember.”

“I didn’t know that part but that’s gotta be the same trip. The whole thing was really stupid. Basically we were supposed to have your six but both me and Sammy wanted to carry a shotgun instead of doing that protection spell because it looked cooler. We were arguing about it when the spirit whipped a chunk of the barn’s scaffolding at you and we didn’t catch it in time. You heard it coming and ducked so nothing ended up happening, but it fucking demolished the wall behind you. It was a huge fuckup—thing could’ve taken your head clean off, you know? Sam was so broken up about it he was wasted for like a week solid after we dropped you back off at Bobby’s.”

“Really? That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

“I know, usually he does some kind of pouty baby bullshit. But I mean both of us felt really guilty that bitching at each other could’ve taken you out.”

Dean’s eyes rake over your face, seeming to linger over every inch like he’s going to draw a topographical map of it later by memory. You can tell he’s waiting for you to say something but you can’t think of anything other than tracing each of his freckles where they dust across his nose.

A hand reaches over the table to run his fingertips along the back of yours, and that certainly feels real enough to send an ache into your gut. “What if you ask Sam? If he says that’s not what happened then you can keep saying I’m not real and you don’t have to listen to me.”

“But he already basically told me that. The only thing I probably wouldn’t have guessed about that is Sam getting drunk about it—these could’ve been just well-informed guesses about when it probably was or the kinds of things it seemed like he was implying.”

His lips press into a firm line and the barest touch of pink rises in his cheeks. “We, um, we pinky swore on it.”

The adorableness of his embarrassment makes you grin teasingly as much as the divulgence does. “A pinky promise? You guys must’ve been pretty serious to take such a sacred oath.”

He rolls his eyes at your ribbing and throws his hands back in his lap with a defeated smirk. “Laugh it up. Would that be good enough proof for you?”

It seems like Dean has figured out a loophole in the system, but you’re sure the light of day and Sam’s scrutiny will figure out why it isn’t actual evidence of communication with Dean beyond death, and you tell him that.

A curtain of suspicious confusion falls over Dean’s face. “Sam being weird about it is what’s keeping you from trusting this? Kid, I’ve been talking to Sa—”

And you woke up.

The bed was empty next to you but you could smell something sweet in the air and hear the light clinking of pots or pans Sam was trying his best to keep quiet. You blinked back a few tears of frustration—who even cared if it was real or not? Reliving a great memory with Dean was more than enough and instead of enjoying it you’d wasted a chance at some small respite from your constant ache of grief. And even then, you hadn’t used any of your time to figure out how the whole thing worked, how you could see him again.

But the most pressing issue was what you thought Dean had been trying to say before disappearing; that he had gotten through to Sam. Sam, of course, deserved to have secrets, but if he had been sitting on the resolution to all the angst you’d been struggling through in the last weeks (months?), you couldn’t imagine a reason why that wouldn’t hurt. Nothing would be solved by laying in your bed to sulk about it, though, so you threw on some clothes and went to brush your teeth.

When you came out, Sam was hunched slightly, the standard stove highlighting his decidedly non-standard height as he shuffled a pan’s handle. He had a dishtowel over his t-shirt clad shoulder, a habit from the bar that sometimes held over when he was in the kitchen at home, and bare feet under old jeans. They were wearing through at the knees, and you knew they were absolutely pajama-soft from having periodically thrown them in with your own laundry. Through the kitchen window, enough snow-brightened sunlight came into the room to cast him in a halo glow that gleamed off of his hair. As long as it had gotten, chunks still swept into his face as he looked down at the stove, and he tucked one behind his ear as he looked up, half-singing a Buddy Guy song that was playing softly. It was stunning—he was stunning, statuesque and strong and right there in front of you. Cooking you breakfast while you slept in, of all things, chocolate chip pancakes he had to have remembered were your favorite from ages ago. You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d had them and right now, nothing in the world sounded better. He beamed and tilted the pan toward you. “Morning! I made pancakes, you want some?”

And you should’ve just let the moment rest, sat in the rare bright winter morning and eaten chocolate chip pancakes and relished how well the boiler was working, maybe later in the day read a predictable murder mystery or taped off the living room to be painted and listened to REM until your shoulders were sore from running rollers up the walls all afternoon. Instead, about as stupid and weird a flop as if a toad had come out of your mouth, you said, “Have you been talking to Dean too?”

Sam’s face fell but not in the right way. There was too much angle in his brow and that confirmed it. “What?” he asked, but it didn’t land.

“How long have you been talking to Dean?”

He kept that curious smile for a second, like maybe he could push through by playing dumb and you would forget, but finally his lips flattened and his jaw clenched as he stacked a finished pancake on top of its predecessors. “Just because I’m having dreams about him doesn’t mean it’s really him,” he finally answered, softly and as though he was telling the bubbling pancake batter in front of him, unable to meet your eyes.

You felt the lump forming in your throat and tried to get the words out ahead of its solidifying. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“For what?” He let go of the pan and turned toward you, supporting his weight on the countertop. “So we can both—”

“Both what? Be delusional? Is that what you were going to say?”

Sam didn’t answer, but the set of his jaw was firm and he kept his eyes locked on yours.

“He told me you were drunk for a week after the hunt you were talking about.” You watched as Sam’s pupils widened a touch. “And that you didn’t just promise each other to buckle down, you pinky swore.” Sam’s Adam’s apple jumped in his throat. “It’s true, isn’t it? I can see in your face that it is. Did you already know it’s really him?”

He looked down at the floor and clenched his jaw. “I was pretty sure. Or at least I really hoped I was pretty sure.”

You felt more than consciously allowed your mouth’s falling open. “How? How long?”

“It just—I don’t know, it just felt different. I—uh, the first time was after we made those cupcakes; he asked about the cupcakes.”

You slumped against the countertop opposite him, speechless. He shoved the pan off the hot burner a little too hard, put a palm on either side of the stove to brace himself. The two of you stood like that for a long minute, the smell of chocolate not matching the stiff heaviness in the air at all.

“I don’t—what if it’s not real?” His throat sounded bound even though you couldn’t see his face, hulking mass of him spread across the tiny kitchen.

He seemed so defeated, so young, and then you couldn’t believe how selfish you’d been, not putting two and two together that something challenging Sam’s grip on or understanding of reality must shove him back to the brain melting torture he’d endured in the cage and the months—years, maybe, he was always so tight-lipped about it—afterward. What the fuck were you thinking, not seeing it before, how this could seem like a perfectly laid trap for Sam, the most poetic way to whip his mind into stiff peaks of meringue. It made so much sense why he would need time to really suss it out, see the situation from all angles and investigate, check and re-check. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes but you blinked them away. This was not about you or your complicated need for him, it was about Sam, what he’d been through, what he was likely putting himself through even now.

“The, um, the pancakes smell really good.”

“Yeah?” There was half a laugh behind his words, humorless as it was. “I hope they’re okay, I know they’re your, uh, your favorite.”

“I’m surprised you remembered.”

Sam leaned on one arm to rub his face with his other hand. “Yeah, well.”

“Can I help?”

After a beat, he stood up and offered some space next to him on the stove. You worked hip to hip, sprinkling the chocolate chips while Sam flipped. He was scraping the last of the batter into a last little runt pancake with a spatula when you couldn’t help yourself and wrapped your arms around his waist. He seemed surprised, if sad, before setting down the bowl and covering as much of you as he could, folding over you like a protective shell. It reminded you of that dirty motel room, months and months ago, when Sam held you together as you cracked in his arms. All he could do then was be steadfast in reminding you he was still there, if nothing else was, and you hoped you were able to give him the same now.

You silently laid two place settings on the kitchen counter while Sam set the food out. He sat next to you and had picked up his fork when you touched his wrist to still him. “If it’s not real for you then I’m losing it too.”

Sam thought for a second, then raised his forearm and kissed the back of your hand where you held onto him before cutting into his pancakes.

Continue to Dreams, Chapter 12

Thanks again for reading! If you liked it, check out my Masterlist or send me a request!

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years

Text

Prove Them Wrong | Reggie Peters

A/N: I got these two requests for a Reggie fic and decided to merge them together, I hope you don’t mind!

Request 1: Please i just want a fanfic of reggie discovering YouTube and uploading home is where my horse is video and the gang reacting to it since people absolutely love it

Request 2: Hi!! Can you do one where the reader is julies friend and is with her when the boys come back and her and Reggie have a instant connection and he follows her around and is always talking to her

Relationships: Reggie x Reader, Sunset Curve x Reader, JATP x Reader

Warnings: Fluff?

Words: 4,165

Your life has been pretty ordinary for the past 16 years. A life pretty much every person would call boring was a life you wouldn’t change for the world’s most expensive things. Until you met Reggie and the other boys from Sunset Curve. You say boys, but it would be much more accurate if you said ghosts. Sunset Curve was a ghost band from the 90’s that popped into your life one night when you were helping your best friend Julie clean up her mother’s studio.

2 months earlier…

A text from Julie comes in when you’re doing your homework on your bed whilst watching reruns of Friends on your laptop. The show makes for good background noise, you find. “911!” Worry rises within you as you read the call-for-help text from your best friend. “U ok?” you text back. Three dots begin dancing on the screen, raising suspense. “Do u wanna come help me clean out mom’s studio? :( x” A soft smile plays at your lips whilst more dots appear. “Don’t think I can do it by myself.” You close the Netflix app on your laptop and get up to put some proper pants on. You had the habit to kick your jeans off the second you got home. Prancing around in your underwear after a tough day at school has become one of your favorite things to do, but Julie might not appreciate that too much, nor would the neighbors. “OMW!” you quickly text back and hop into your Vans before heading down to the Molina house. You find your best friend behind the grand piano, looking up at the chair-decorated ceiling of the shed. Something Julie’s mom did with a superstitious meaning you’d kind of forgotten. Neither you nor Julie believed it, to be fair. “Hey,” you greet softly, making her look at you. A smile appears on her lips, glad you’d be willing to come over and help. Like you’ve been so many times last year when her mother died. You’d be there to listen to her talk about all the memories with her mom, or to hug her as she cried because she missed her. This is just another part of the grieving process she needs to get through, and you’re there to hold her hand all the way through it. “Are you okay?” you ask, walking towards the piano and leaning your forearms on it. “Yeah, it’s just a little weird to be here…” she says as her eyes start scanning the entire space. “There are so many memories of her in here.” Her fingers glide across the piano keys. “Yeah, I know,” you whisper, not wanting to bring up anything that might hurt her. You remember the days you’d come over to play with Julie and you’d hear her mom singing in her studio. You remember when you’d make music together with Carrie and her dad and Julie’s mom. There are so many unfinished songs about bunnies and puppies from when you were kids, and even some more recent ones about the person you had a crush on or about that boy that broke your heart when you were fifteen. Those songs are now stored away in the back of your mind, waiting for the day Julie would start singing again. Along with all those memories you put on tape. “Let’s get crackin’!” you tap the top of the piano in a rhythmic beat before stepping away and holding out your hands for Julie to take. The girl gets up from the stool behind the piano and carefully places her hand in yours. You pull her away from the piano and halt in the middle of the garage, looking up to the loft that suddenly seems very looming. Both of you know whatever’s up there is the ghost of a musician’s past, and not even Julie’s mom’s. No, all the instruments up there are from the people that used to live here. Julie never told you, but you’re certain Carrie’s dad used to live here when he was a child and sold his parents’ house to Julie’s parents when they died. You’d noticed the way Trevor always stood in the doorway, glancing around with soft eyes and a tender smile tugging at his lips. Almost like he’s reminiscing about his past. Besides, he’s accidentally slipped up a few times when talking about his childhood, saying he used to play around here with some of his buddies. No one else ever mentioned it, so you didn’t either. There’s probably a good reason for him not to speak about his past in too much detail. You climb up the stairs first and step up on the wooden floor, letting your eyes scan over all the junk up here. Keyboards, old guitars, drumsticks, even an entire drum kit, along with bags and backpacks, all strewn around the place. “Y/N,” Julie’s voice makes you snap out of your thoughts. You look down to find Julie still on the stairs, half of her body in he loft. She’s holding a CD up to show you. “Sunset Curve?” you read aloud from the black CD case. “Never heard of that band.” “Let’s give it a listen?” she suggests and after receiving an agreeing nod from you, she climbs down again, followed by yourself. She places the CD into the stereo whilst you sit down on the couch. Julie presses play and joins you. “1-2-3 Take off, last stop Countdown till we blast open the top Face first, full charge--” The music fades away as it’s overpowered by a loud screeching noise. You look over at Julie, who has her hands up to her ear to cover them from the noise. Your eyebrows knit together, confused as to what’s happening. It might just be a fault in the production of the song? Or maybe a scratch on the CD? Before you can even come up with a decent reason, a bright flash lights up the entire garage, followed by a loud thud. And, when you look up, you find three boys in the middle of the studio, scrambling up from where they’d come down harshly. You and Julie quickly get up from the couch, wanting to take a closer look at the scene in front of you. “Woah! How did we get back here?” One of them says, confused about his surroundings. Julie lets out an ear-piercing scream before running out of the garage, leaving you with those three boys. You have no clue what’s happening, and you don’t know what to do either. Should you run and hide like Julie? Or should you just wait and see if they have a reason for being here? “Hello!” one of them yells excitedly, making you snap out of your train of thoughts. It’s the dark-haired boy with the red flannel tied around his waist that’s talking to you. “I’m sorry, who are you and what are you doing in our studio?” Your eyes widen at this. They think this is their studio? “I-I’m… I’m sorry, gimme a second,” you say, holding up your finger. The boy nods curtly before you dash out of there too, running up to Julie’s room with the question haunting your head ‘Who are they? And why do they think it’s their studio?’ After a while, you and Julie pluck up the courage to go back into the garage, armed with a cross since Julie’s positive they’re ghosts. Turns out they are. They -- along with Google -- explain they’re three ghosts that used to be in a band called Sunset Curve and that they died after eating bad hotdogs in ‘95. Luke, Reggie and Alex introduce themselves to you, and from that moment on, you’re certain these three ghost boys will change your life forever. And they do.

Present day

To say your life has changed since the day those boys came into your life is an understatement. It went from studying while watching Friends in your room to going out to their gigs almost every Saturday and sitting in on their rehearsals every day after school. You, along with Julie, have grown very close to the boys in the last five months. They’ve become your best friends you could talk to about everything and anything. But the most special connection you have, is with Reggie. Ever since that day, the boy hasn’t left you alone. Every time you’re at the Molina house, he’ll poof in, wherever you are. Whether you’re getting a drink or a snack in the kitchen, or you’d just come out of the bathroom, he’d be there. This caused a lot of heart attacks, but also a lot of deep conversations.

Especially if he came to your own house. This was mostly when he’d had a bad day or missed his old life or his parents. He’d poof into your room and just tell you to do whatever you were doing, that he just wanted to hang out. After a few times, you didn’t even ask anymore and he didn’t have to tell you to just continue whatever you were doing. Those nights even ended with the two of you cuddling, which is something you realized you could do for some unknown reason. But you liked it, so you didn’t think too much about it. Today is Friday, which means it’s the last big rehearsal before the boys and Julie have their gig tomorrow night. And though you’d much rather be there with them, you have to watch your little siblings for the night since your parents have gone out to a dinner party. You’re making some popcorn in the kitchen for all of you to munch on when watching a movie, when Reggie suddenly poofs in, making you jump. You hadn’t expected him to come in this early, which causes the worry to well up inside of you. Something must’ve happened. “Reg, you okay?” you ask in a hushed voice, glancing back at the kids in front of the tv. “No…” he murmurs, wringing his flannel in his hands. He looks sad, sadder than when he misses his old life, which means something really bad must’ve happened. “Gimme a second,” you say and turn to leave the kitchen. Reggie smiles a little as those words remind him of the first words you ever said to them. “Kids, it’s time for bed!” Moans and whines come from the little kids on the sofa, protesting their early bedtime. “No complaining! Chop chop!” you rushed them up the stairs before returning to the kitchen. “Get yourself comfy on the couch, I’m just gonna put them to bed real quick, okay?” Reggie nods agreeingly and watches you walk away again. He grabs the bowl of popcorn you’d prepared and takes it into the living room. Even though he can’t eat, he’d want you to snack on it since you’re the one that made it. “Sorry it took so long. They can be really stubborn sometimes,” you exhale frustratedly as you plop onto the couch next to Reggie. “Now, tell me, what’s going on?” “So, I suggested to Luke we’d try this song I wrote a while ago,” he starts solemnly. “Home is Where My Horse is?” you ask, remembering him writing that up in your room. You’d even helped him on some verses. “Yes, that one! But he just rejected it… Again!” he sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back on the backrest of the couch. “Yelled at him that he didn’t appreciate my talent and just poofed out,” he chuckles airily, and you do too. “I’m sorry Luke isn’t more open to your creativity, Reg… I really wish I could help you somehow, if I knew something I--” you stop in your tracks as an idea pops into your head. “What is it, Y/N?” he asks, getting excited as it seems you have an idea. “What if we film you singing the song and upload it on YouTube?” you suggest, eyes twinkling at the idea alone. He nods excitedly at first, but then slows down when he realizes he has no clue what you’re talking about. “What’s a YouTube?” he asks. You let out a giggle before grabbing his hand and leading him towards the dining table where you’d left your laptop. You open it on the site and show him the home page filled with different types of recommended videos. “It’s a platform where people can post videos of whatever they like. A lot of artists use it for their music videos nowadays. It’s where I posted ‘Edge of Great’ a few weeks ago,” you explain.

He peers at the screen with wide, intrigued eyes. You then lean forward and type in ‘Queen don’t stop me now’ before hitting enter. Reggie’s eyes widen even more as you press play on the music video.

“I could film you with my dad’s equipment and edit the whole thing together and upload it. At least then the world will see how truly talented you are and maybe Luke might change his mind too?” He eagerly nods his head in agreement, getting excited about the whole idea. Besides him being able to prove to his band that his country songs are worth taking a second look at, it’s also a good opportunity for you to test out some new techniques.

So, on Saturday, the two of you get up at the crack of dawn -- or you do since ghosts don’t really sleep -- and make your way down to the riding club your little brother goes for riding classes. You’re acquainted with the owners, so they’ll let you film whatever you need around there. Doesn’t even matter if it looks like you’re not filming anything. “Okay, you ready?” you mutter as you set up the first scene. He’s currently sitting on a picnic bench with his guitar in his lap and the stables in the background. Your camera is set up in front of Reggie with the stable doors on each side of his head, perfectly balanced. You simply nod your head curtly as his ‘action’ sign. He immediately starts strumming his guitar and singing out his self-made words. “Home, what is it really? Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place, It’s that feeling of being safe, It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day…” You spent the entire day running around the ranch, letting Reggie sing his song multiple times in different locations. You even film a couple of nature shots to edit in later. This is just going to be the greatest music video you’ve ever made, and it’s all thanks to Reggie. Your Sunday is spent behind your laptop, editing Reggie’s footage until it’s turned into a somewhat coherent video. “Hey!” Reggie poofs into your room late that night. “Where’ve you been? You missed movie night!” he asks, worry laced in his voice. You don’t even take your eyes off your screen. It’s almost finished just a few more… Yes! “I just finished editing your video! Wanna see?” He nods his head excitedly, so you make some room for him on the chair you’re sitting on. He seems hesitant at first, but eventually sits down on the very edge. Your entire side that’s touching his tingles. It’s always been a weird feeling to touch him, but this is from an entirely new calibre. You rewind the video and press play. There’s a shot of the surrounding nature at first and some horses galloping in the distance whilst the strumming of his guitar floats out of the laptop. Then the camera pans to Reggie on the picnic bench with his guitar. “Home, what is it really? Sometimes it’s a someone and not a place, It’s that feeling of being safe, It’s about who you’re with at the end of the day… and for me” The picture changes to Reggie looking out into the meadows, watching the horses frolic around in the grass with a couple of shots of him playing his guitar as he’s walking along with the horses. “Home is where my horse is! Riding through trees by the river Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger Home is where my horse is Don’t need a house or a roof I just put on the saddle, lace up my boots Cuz home is where my horse is” In the next few shots, you’re even in it. Reggie had grabbed your camera and placed it on the grass before grabbing your hand and pulling you out into the meadow with him to dance. It probably looked most ridiculous to any bystanders, but the footage is too pretty not to use. You can just about see two silhouettes dancing around over the grass with a flare of sunlight breaking in and giving it a magical flair. “I don’t need the streets Don’t need the city lights I don’t need a fancy car I just hop on my horse and ride” You’d filmed a couple of the riders too, since Reggie himself couldn’t really ride a horse seeing he’s a ghost and everything. But it made for some good footage to set the scene of the song properly. “Home is where my horse is! Riding through trees by the river Feel the summer breeze smile gettin’ bigger Home is where my horse is I see the beautiful beast running up to me And I know I’m home” The song ends and the screen fades to black, Reggie vanishing as he looks out into the meadow again. You look up at real-life ghost Reggie with expectant eyes. He’s just staring at the black screen for a moment, mouth ajar and eyes wide. “Woah!” he finally mutters. “That was amazing, Y/N! Show me that again!” he exclaims excitedly. Of course you oblige and show him again. This time, he points out everything he loved. “This is my favorite part!” he says, pointing at the screen as the two of you are shown dancing. You can’t help but smile at how excited he gets over this collaboration. “So, can I upload it?” you ask when the screen fades again. “What?! Of course! Put it on the Tube-thing!” he claps his hands excitedly and watches as you open the site and start the upload on the Julie and The Phantoms channel. You had edited their Edge of Great video when Ray asked your father to help him film, so you pretty much had the right to do this, even if Julie might say otherwise. “There we go! It’s set to upload in about five minutes!” you say and turn to Reggie, almost forgetting how close he’s sitting until he’s literally mere inches away. You can actually feel his hot breath tickling your lips. A wave of warmth rushes through you when you catch his eyes darting from your lips to your eyes and back again. “You’re really talented, you know that?” You simply hum in response to this compliment, not that you agree with him, but you don’t know what else to do. You’re completely frozen in place. His eyes are so pretty up close. They’re the most beautiful shade of green you have ever seen, especially with that twinkle in them. “Can I kiss you?” his soft voice makes you snap out of your thoughts about those dreamy eyes. “Wh--what?” you stutter, hoping you did hear that right, but not wanting to assume. “C-can I kiss you?” he repeats, his voice just above a whisper.

“Yeah.” Your voice wavers ever so slightly. Reggie’s eyes flutter close as he leans in to press his lips to yours. There’ve been times you dreamed about doing this, but you never thought you’d actually be able to kiss him. The ability to touch him was a surprise and a miracle, you didn’t think this would be possible too. A bleep coming from your computer causes you to pull away abruptly. You just about catch the smile on Reggie’s face before you turn to the screen, madly blushing yourself. “It’s ready to go!” you state excitedly and start typing up a description for the video. “What are you doing?” he asks, peering over your shoulder. “Typing up a little description for the fans, or whoever watches,” you reply as your fingers stilt for a second to think about what else to write. “Home is Where My Horse is, a Reggie original. Written and performed by your favorite bassist, Reggie Peters. Filmed and edited by Y/N Y/L/N. Special thanks to Hold Your Reins Ranch.” He reads the little text aloud. “Nice,” he nods his head, impressed by your abilities with this foreign platform. “And we’re live!” you inform him as you have pressed the post button. “Thanks, Y/N,” he says with a soft smile, making you look at him again. “I’m just gonna kiss you again, is that okay?” You nod your head before closing the distance between the two of you and kissing him again. This is not what you’d expected to come from this project, but you’re glad it had. This feels right. That night, you send Julie a message with the link to the video. “Give the boy a chance. This is an actual bop!” you sent along with it. You’re a little scared you might’ve overstepped and shouldn’t have suggested making this video for Reggie and you definitely shouldn’t have posted it to the Julie and The Phantoms YouTube channel. It probably wasn’t your place to mingle into a band conflict, but you couldn’t handle seeing Reggie so upset.

“Get ur talented ass to the studio. NOW,” Julie’s text reads. It sounds a little passive-aggressive, but you still obey and hop into some pants and shoes before heading down the other end of the street where the Molina house stands. “‘Sup, kids?” you say when you find the boys and Julie on the couch, throwing up a peace sign. The bubbliness might camouflage the nerves building up inside you. “Care to explain yourself, miss Y/L/N?” Julie starts with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. You glance over at Reggie. He’s glancing down at the rings around his fingers. “I’m sorry, Jules. But I really think you ought to give this boy and his horse a chance!” you aggressively point at the boy in question, whose head snaps up at this. Now he’s looking at you with a scared, yet tendered expression on his face. “I was joking, babes,” Julie mutters, holding her hands up in defense. “We didn’t think you’d react this defensive over this…” Your eyebrows knit together as confusion takes over you. “Wh-what do you mean?” you question. “Your video has been viewed over a thousand times already and it’s only been up for about two hours, Y/N,” Julie explains and turns her laptop for you to see the view count at 1,327. Your breath hitches in your throat at the large number. That’s how many people have seen your work? I mean, you would’ve watched it that many times in a row yourself because that song is actually amazing. These people are stupid for not giving it a chance earlier. “Woah, Reg! That’s a lot of people hearing your song!” you exclaim excitedly. The boy gets up from the couch and walks over to you with a proud smile on his face. “Actually….” he starts and scrolls down on the laptop. You taught him how to do that. “They’re loving your camerawork and editing!” He shows you all the comments underneath the video. The reactions are divided evenly between praise for the song and praise for your work. “Wha--” your eyes dart from Reggie to Alex, then to Luke and Julie. “We had a band meeting and we want you to become our band’s official videographer,” Alex announces with that soft smile of his plastered on his lips. Your mouth drops in disbelief. You’ve always loved videography and editing, but you always saw it as something fun, not as an official band thing. After months of sitting in rehearsals and watching gigs, you’re finally going to be part of the band. Or close enough to being a part of the band. “What do you say, babe?” Reggie asks when you’ve been quiet for a good minute. Luke and Alex exchange glances at the sudden use of pet names. That’s new. “I mean, it could be cool?” you shrug humbly. The band cheers, Alex and Luke even high five. Before you can even go over to hug Julie, Reggie’s already cupped your face and crashes his lips to yours. You’ll never get used to that feeling. “That’s new,” you hear Alex say when the two of you pull away. You need a good second to cool it after that passionate kiss, but once you do, you beckon the others over for a group hug. “Thank you, guys,” you whisper and press a kiss to Julie’s hair as a thank you. From that day on, you’re not only known as the Julie and The Phantoms videographer, but also as the cute bassist’s girlfriend. To say your life has drastically changed since meeting these boys would be the understatement of the year.

Taglist: @hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg @thequirkybookaholic @bookdealer5 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @angryknightstatesmantrash @kiss-themoongoodbye @rudysbay @thedarkqueenofavalon @caitsymichelle13 @calamitykaty @wiselight @kcd15

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #jatp #reggie jatp #jeremy shada #alex jatp #owen joyner #luke patterson #charlie gillespie #julie molina #madison reyes #reggie jatp x reader #reggie jatp fic #jatp fic #reggie peters

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imagineaworlds · 4 years

Text

I Love You (Part Forty-Five) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing. Dom/sub relationship. Sir kink. Sex toy. Brat taming. Bondage (ropes). Forced orgasms. Overstimulation. Oral sex (male receiving). Dom dropping.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 11,148

Timeline: Season 6 Episode 24. Three months after part forty-four.

Hotch was always gone nowadays. Between work and running errands for the three of us always stuck at home, he was just too busy to sit and relax. I missed him. I missed us, specifically, and how we used to spend every second together, and how good we were together at work. I missed work. I missed driving to Quantico every day or getting on the jet for a thousand different cases. I missed the bullpen, the roundtable room, Garcia’s office, my desk, throwing papers at Morgan’s head as he worked across from me, or teasing Reid, whose desk was across the aisle from mine. Everyone knew that I was anxious to get back— Hotch most of all. I loved our daughter more than anything in the world, but I loved work just as much. I understood now how Hotch felt about Jack.

“Elle was antsy to get back to work after Garner,” Hotch would always tell me whenever I would sneak into the office to look at some of the cases sitting on his desk. I jumped in my own skin as he caught me snooping. “You Greenaways are all the same.” He laughed and snatched me away from the office, practically carrying me down to the bedroom so that we could cuddle while watching Emily sleep in her crib.

At least we got those moments. They were scarce, but we tried to make as much time as possible, even if most of that time was spent sleeping. When he wasn’t around, though, I still tried to include him as much as possible. It was hard for him to talk on the phone whenever he was gone on cases, but I still sent him pictures and videos of the kids to keep him updated, like when Jack held Emily in his arms the other day and he was making fart noises in her face in order to get her to laugh. He called me immediately after I sent the first video. His voice was shaking on the other end, and I knew that something was wrong, so I asked, and he told me that Haley never sent him videos of Jack when he was young. She sent him one, and after that, they stopped altogether. I realized in that moment that he was terrified that I was going to stop sending him videos of Jack and Emily, and he would end up missing out on everything in their lives, and then I would leave him the same way Haley left him. So, I kept sending them. Every chance I got, I was recording one or both of the kids and sending them straight to Hotch’s phone.

It had only been three months since Emily was born. Sometimes it felt like an eternity, other times it felt like time was passing by too fast. When Hotch wasn’t around, it felt like time was moving at a turtle-like pace where I spent every waking moment counting the seconds until he would come home; but then, when he would be there, holding me in my arms, it felt like it came and went with a snap of my fingers. I wished I could have switched time. I wished that I could have just spent an eternity in his arms, not worrying about when I would see him next or if he would even come home.

I suddenly jolted awake when I heard Emily crying in her crib. “Shit.”

Hotch had called last night to tell me that they were finishing up a case and that he would be home soon, but his side of the bed was empty, and all of his stuff was untouched, which meant that he was going to be later than expected. So, that meant that I had to grab Emily and try to calm her down.

I sighed and sat upright. Emily continued to cry and shriek in her cradle until I leaned in to pick her up. As I cradled her in my arms, leaning back against the headboard so that I could close my eyes and rest for a little longer, I hummed a toon for her. Hotch’s favorite song was Blackbird by The Beatles. Since Emily had been born, he had been singing her to sleep with that very song every chance he could get. It seemed like it was the only way she could fall asleep now. I worried that the tradition and schedule was going to ruin her sleep patterns—and I guess I was right since she kept waking up throughout the night whenever he wasn’t there to sing to her. I kept trying to hum for her, despite that.

I was half asleep when she started calming down. I decided that putting her back down in the cradle wasn’t going to help—and even if it would, I was too tired to move. Having a baby was exhausting. With Hotch gone so often, I was having to endure these long nights alone, and the house was so quiet during the day that it sent a shiver up my spine, not to mention I was so bored whenever Emily would be put down for a nap in the middle of the day and I couldn’t call Hotch because he was busy. I couldn’t wait to get back to work. I knew that it didn’t make sense to do it just yet, but I was practically dying to get back. If anything, I’d ask to go back in a week or two. Hotch wouldn’t like the idea, but I was sick of sitting around with a sleeping baby all day while I was just drained. I needed a case. I needed something to keep my mind busy besides my daughter. As much as I loved her, I needed work, too.

“I could get used to this,” Hotch said. I opened my eyes while perking up to see him standing in the doorway, holding his go-bag in one hand and a bag of chocolates in the other. “Coming home to my gorgeous wife and our perfect daughter…” He set down his bag and hurried over to me on the bed so that he could kiss my forehead. He smelled like the jet. “I brought you your favorite chocolates from Seattle.”

“Mmm… Gimme.”

Just as I said it—not having even reached for them or anything along those lines—Emily started squirming and crying in my arms. There it was. Every time there was a bit of peace with Emily, she suddenly started losing it again. I couldn’t win. So, I sighed and slumped back again, ignoring the pleasant surprise Hotch had for me just so that I could try to focus a little more energy into dealing with my precious, perfect, miracle—No. The truth was, she was all of that, but she was also a little screamer, whiner, and… Oh, I loved her… I just had to remember that.

“Here, you take the candy, I take the baby,” Hotch said. He set the bag down between us, then reached to take Emily. “Oh, listen to our little singer.” He adjusted her in his arms with a bounce while standing up again so that he could bounce on his toes.

I opened the bag and took one piece of chocolate before setting the rest of them on my bedside table. “For the past four days,” which was how long he was gone for, “all I’ve done is change diapers and sit around, waiting for her to start crying again. Nothing helps.” Within an instant, Emily stopped crying, instead opting to start cooing and laughing at him. I rolled my eyes. “I hate you.”

“Mhm. I’m sure.” He shook his head at me and sat back down. “Listen, Jack used to cry every time I held him. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to get him to calm down and love being in my arms. Even when he was already asleep and I’d pick him up just to hold him and admire him, he would suddenly wake up, as if he could tell that it was me, and he would immediately start crying. I hated it. The worst part was, every time Haley or Jessica would take him, he wouldn’t fuss a bit. I didn’t understand why. But now I’m on the other end of that deal, and I can tell you, Y/N, it’s nothing you’re doing or not doing. She’s just…” He smiled down at her. “I don’t know… But it’s nothing you can control, baby. I promise.”

I sighed. “One would think after carrying her around for nine months and then staying with her for the last three while you’ve been off at work, she would warm up to me, but nope.”

“She will eventually. We’ve got the next eighteen years at least with her. We’re going to be just fine.”

I smiled and snuggled up against his side, hiding my cold hands under his soft, warm shirt. His abs flexed against my freezing touch for a short moment before he relaxed and shuffled down on the bed somewhat so that I could rest my head on his shoulder, and he could kiss my hair. He inhaled deeply. Despite the fact that Emily didn’t like settling down in my arms anymore, at least we could afford to have little moments like these.

“Are you going to fall asleep again?” he inquired quietly, trying not to disturb me if I really was. I shook my head, though. “There’s something I need to tell you, then.” I hummed a question against him. “Cody and I had a meeting today.”

Uh oh. Personal meetings with the Director were never good during work hours. We had a friendly relationship with Cody, which allowed us to invite him over for dinner occasionally, and for our wedding ten months ago. But meetings during work were never good. Cody meant business while we were at Quantico, and him and Hotch liked challenging each other’s alpha personalities like it was fun for them or something.

“They’re making changes to the department again.”

I groaned, “I swear—”

“It’s okay. They’re just going to be contacting different people in the unit with different offers in order to consolidate their forces into other departments.”

“One of these days, I’m going to storm in there and ask why the hell he keeps sticking his nose in our business when we’ve been his best unit for at least the last ten years—or since you took over.”

“He’s getting pressure from the higher ups, baby. He’s doing his job, the same way we are. I’m just telling you this because if you’re approached by another department, you should tell me immediately.”

“I’m not going to leave the BAU, Aaron. I don’t care what deal it is someone has for me, I’m not leaving the one place that feels like home away from home. For the first time since I graduated high school, I feel like I have a purpose. People care what to hear what I have to say, people trust me, people love me, and people consider me family there. No offer can make me abandon my family.”

Hotch tensed in response to my words. “I think you should consider taking an offer in another department that doesn’t require you to travel as much,” he said quietly. I turned my cheek to look at him. “With Emily and Jack, our hands are so full, but we’ve been making it work because you’ve been at home. What happens when you’re back in the field?”

“Would you take the same job, if you were offered it?”

“Probably not.”

“Why?”

“Because I love the field.”

“Exactly.”

“Y/N…” he whispered in my ear, reaching over to lift my chin with his fingers. “You should really consider it. I don’t want you to get hurt out in the field.”

I put my hand over his. “Aaron, if there’s no pressure on you to stay home with the kids, and you just get to stay with the BAU because you love it, then I should be shown the same consideration.”

He kissed my cheek. “You’re right.”

“I know.”

He chuckled lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I turned to look at him and kiss his lips slowly and passionately. And then his phone started ringing, making Emily squirm before letting out a cry that practically said: “Why have you awoken me from my slumber?!” I sighed. “Aaron—”

“I know, I know.” He passed Emily over to me gently before he started rolling off the bed so that he could answer the call in the hallway. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll be back in a sec.”

As he left the bedroom, I adjusted Emily in my arms, bouncing her lightly while cooing against her nose that everything would be alright. I was so done with the shrieking. Someday, I was going to give her a lot of shit for all of this yelling, crying, and pooping. She was going to hate the way I would inevitably tease her about it endlessly, but she was my daughter… my perfect baby girl… I wanted to remember her like this forever and always. When she was big, and maybe expecting a kid of her own one day, I’d tell her about how she kept me up night and day with her shrieking. This would all be a distant memory before I would even know it. I felt my heart break somewhat. I didn’t want her to get any bigger than this. Growing up meant that she would want to explore the world, and I knew just how cruel other people and places could be, and especially to innocent, precious little rays of sunshine like her. I didn’t want her to get hurt. Ever. I wanted to just keep her safe in my arms until the end of the time. I could do that, right? No… But I could cherish this for a little longer, at least.

“They need me in the office for something,” Hotch whispered to me while walking back in. I let my eyes fall shut in order to hide my disappointment. “Here…” He reached out for Emily, offering to help calm her down and put her in bed before he would leave. I let him. As he lifted her and rested her tiny torso against his shoulder, giving him a chance to pat her back while bouncing on his toes slowly, he started humming Black Bird for her. I smiled and slumped against the pillows. “I’ll call Jessica to see if she can stop by later to watch the kids so that you can rest for a bit,” he said after noticing how I was already out of it.

I nodded with my eyes still closed. “Thank you.”

Emily started calming down. Her cries and shrieks slowly turned into pants that turned into coos before she fell asleep in his arms. “And like that…” he whispered, “she’s out like a light.” I heard him shuffle to the crib so that he could set her down. Our bed shifted as he sat next to me. “Baby,” he put a hand on my thigh, “call me if she starts fussing again and your humming doesn’t work.” I nodded. “Y/N, I’ll stay, if you need.”

“No,” I insisted weakly. “Go. I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Just… Aaron…” I opened my eyes to look at him. “Promise you’ll let me come back for the next case?”

He stared at me for a moment while registering what I said. When it dawned on him, he shook his head. “I can’t promise that.” He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I’ll see you later tonight. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered, my eyes falling shut again.

Not even an hour later, however, Emily started crying again, and Hotch was already long gone again, leaving me to roll out of bed and lift her up into my arms. I didn’t bother trying to sing to her again. Apparently, that was Hotch’s thing, and I was stepping on his toes by making the futile attempt. So, I just sat there and cooed to her while heading downstairs to make some food for myself and also Jack who would be waking up in a few minutes to start playing video games and watching movies for the entire day. I smiled when she managed to fall asleep after feeding, giving me a chance to make myself a lazy breakfast.

When Jack woke up, he came running downstairs in his pajamas, he begged for me to grab the Cocoa Puffs from the top shelf in the pantry. Hotch and I had to put them up there because Jack was getting addicted to them. He was eating them 24/7. But, on occasion, especially when Hotch wasn’t around, I would let Jack have some. So, I carefully handed Emily over to him so that I could grab the box from the top shelf and pour a fair portion into a bowl for him.

Afterwards, when he had shoveled every single pebble into his mouth and then proceeded to slurp down all of the chocolate-y milk, he put the dish in the sink for me, like I asked, then scurried off to watch TV, like I assumed he would. Only, this time, I decided to join him. With Emily in my arms, I dragged my feet all the way from the kitchen to the living room, where I crashed on the couch. Jack turned on something from Cartoon Network. You know, Saturday morning cartoons. I had Emily sitting on my stomach, letting her little hands play with my fingers up until the point where she started trying to chew on them. I shook my head and kissed her cheeks. At least she wasn’t teething yet. JJ warned me that if I thought Emily’s cries and shrieks were bad now, I just had to wait and see how bad it would get within the next few months or so when Em would start teething. Shit. I was hardly getting sleep as it was, I couldn’t imagine it getting any worse.

Halfway through a cartoon, Emily fell asleep against me. Her little breaths slowly turned into hiccups, which made me laugh. JJ used to warn me all the time when I was pregnant that Emily could hiccup in the night, which would keep me up. I guess I got lucky, though, because she only hiccupped once, and it was while I was at work with Garcia. We were sitting in her office, waiting for the team to call for help or with an update. We were ridiculously bored. At some point, Garcia revealed that she had a huge tub of Twizzlers hiding under her desk. Together, we went through all of it, and I supposed that was the trigger for Em to start hiccupping non-stop. It wasn’t annoying, like JJ said it would be. No, it was funny. When it started, I jumped, thinking that something was wrong, but then Garcia started laughing when it kept happening, at which point we realized what was happening. That was the only time she ever hiccupped, though. I almost wished that it would have happened again while Hotch was home, just so that he could have laughed with us.

Finally, when she stopped hiccupping during the cartoons, my smile faded and my eyelids started getting too heavy to keep open. So, I did what felt natural… I slowly fell asleep with the glow of the TV in the room and dumb cartoon sounds ringing in my ears.

----

I woke to the sound of the front door opening. The TV was off, Jack long gone to go play soccer outside, it seemed by the way I could hear the soccer ball hitting the side of the house over and over again as he practiced his passing. I rolled my eyes. At least Emily was still asleep on my chest, no sign of waking up any time soon. The drool soaking my shirt was a downside, though.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Hotch whispered.

I shook my head. “It’s okay, baby.” But then I realized who it was that was standing there and why that was odd. I tilted my head in curiosity at him. “Wait…”

Since he had been called away so early and left in such a rush, I was sure that he was headed off on a case elsewhere in the states. Yet, there he was. Standing there in his suit—which he must have changed into either before leaving when I fell asleep, or maybe even when he got to the office if he didn’t want to disturb me—he smiled shortly at me. At first, I didn’t think anything about it. I figured that we were both just tired, and he was probably busy, so I didn’t ponder on his short, yet still sweet, smile that he sent me, and I reciprocated.

“You’re home early.”

“Yeah…” He sounded like his mind was elsewhere.

“Is everything alright, my love?”

“Has anyone called with an open position?”

I furrowed my brows. “No.” Why was he asking?

Hotch swallowed hard before moving to approach the couch and sit down beside me, offering to take Emily from my arms. I watched him curiously. He was being awfully quiet for someone who just got home and would usually shower me in kisses and a thousand different ways for him to tell me he loved me. But he seemed like something awful was weighing on his mind, which was so concerning to me.

“Baby, I’m gonna have to go,” he admitted quietly to me while looking down at Emily. “I’m so sorry.”

I shrugged and smiled with relief. “Okay, so you have another case. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Hotch didn’t say anything. He kept his gaze glued to Emily as she played with his finger using both of her tiny hands. Something wasn’t right. If Hotch was being sent on another case, he wouldn’t have come home, especially not early. He would have stayed at the office and he would’ve just called me to tell me that he wouldn’t be coming home for a few days. This was different. He was acting differently.

Emily kicked against his elbow as she continued to wrestle with his finger. I cooed her quiet before looking back up at Hotch. “What is it?”

He lifted his gaze to meet mine. “They’re sending me to the Middle East to lead a task force.”

My heart sank in my chest. I let out a breath of disbelief then hid my face in my hands. A task force in the Middle East? What was he talking about? The BAU didn’t handle things like this— especially if it were just him. He warned me that morning about the possibility of reassignments, but I didn’t think this was what he had in mind, and I thought that we were going to talk about it before either of us accepted or declined any kind of offer that would be thrown our way. We just had a baby, and now he was being sent on a mission that was going to leave me alone for months? I didn’t know how to do any of this on my own. I wanted to go back to the BAU desperately, but that was because I was confident that between Hotch, Jessica, and I, we could balance it all. Jessica was struggling to keep up with Jack and Emily as it was… I couldn’t imagine what would happen if Hotch left. There was a strong chance that I wouldn’t even get to go back to the BAU if this actually happened. That didn’t feel fair. Why did I have to give up my dream so that he could lead a task force that he didn’t even want anything to do with? Or… did he want this and he just never told me? If so, when did he decide that it was something he was interested in pursuing, and why the fuck did he not tell me? It suddenly all made sense to me why Haley always got so frustrated with him. Our family was right there in D.C. and Virginia, and he wanted to tuck tail and run off to who knew where in the Middle East.

“Don’t do this to me, Aaron… Please…” I lifted my head away from my hands so that I could look at him again. He seemed so sad to be leaving, but he wasn’t doing anything to prevent it. This was an opportunity, not an order. He could have turned it down whenever. “I can’t do this alone.”

“I’ve already talked to Jessica. She’s offered to move in until—”

I scoffed. “So, you’ve already made up your mind and talked to Jessica about it before you talked to your own wife.” I shook my head.

How could he do this? At first, I was distraught because I couldn’t bear the thought of being away from him for so long, especially while our daughter was only three months old, which wasn’t old enough for him to be away from her. He was the only one who could get her to sleep nowadays. The only one. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t get it to happen. I couldn’t do it all alone… I had never spent so much time away from him before Emily, but at least I knew that he was coming back to me every case. Now, I didn’t know anything.

I grabbed his face between my hands and turned his cheek to make him look right at me, though he was fighting to still look away. I was going to make him face this. If he was going to make a decision like this, he had to at least look me in the eye as we talked about it. I pouted at him. “Please stay,” I begged.

He let out a shaky breath. “I can’t.”

“Please.” Shouldn’t that have been enough? Shouldn’t his wife begging him to stay with his family been enough to convince him to never leave again?

“I can’t… The decision’s already been made. I’m leaving in a week…”

I hit at his shoulders roughly, a choked back sob finally escaping me. A fucking week. I was going to lose my everything in a week, and there seemed to be nothing I could do to stop it. Was this fate? Were we always destined to fall apart like this? The worst thought I had in that moment was, what would Haley have done if she were still around and in my shoes? Maybe she would have taken this chance to leave him. Honestly, if she were still alive, I probably would have run to her, of all people, and asked what to do; even though I already assumed that she would tell me that it was time to leave him. But I didn’t want to. I loved him more than anything, and I didn’t want to have to leave him just because he was leaving us. That didn’t seem entirely fair.

“How long will you be gone?”

“I’m unsure.”

“What will you be doing there?”

“It’s classified.”

I chuckled. “Of course it is.”

“Baby, you know that I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”

“Is that what you told Haley before you left for that last case before she decided to leave you?”

“Y/N,” he growled with a bitter tone.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized.

I knew that was wrong of me. I knew that bringing that up was unfair. Hotch and I always promised to fight for each other, even if it meant fighting with each other from time to time. Haley never gave Hotch the same courtesy. That was why she left and why I wouldn’t. Maybe Hotch should have thought about that before taking this offer in the first place. This offer… How could he beg me to tell him if someone called me with an offer, but he didn’t tell me first when he got an offer and before accepting it? I was so pissed… I couldn’t even bear to sit with him any longer. I knew that if I stayed on that couch with him, my anger was only going to grow, and I was inevitably going to hate him. Not on my watch, though. I just needed time to let this blow over so that I could try talking him out of it again later.

I took Emily from him without asking. Hotch hesitated for a moment, practically reaching out for her again before she was even out of his arms. I shook my head at him. “Maybe you should go talk to your son about why he won’t have a dad for a while.” I stood and left the room with that last stinging line.

----

The next morning, I was still angry. I think yesterday was spent sprinting between depression and denial over and over again while trying to find some kind of acceptance in between, but there was none. So, I woke up in the morning to find Hotch still resting peacefully, as if nothing were wrong, and I was mad. I was fucking pissed. He had fucked up a handful of times in the past—just like everyone else—but this was probably the worst. It felt like we were approaching the end. With our newborn in the cradle next to our bed and our son just down the hallway, I knew that it couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t. But how was I supposed to believe that when he was going to be gone? We were going to both be alone on opposite sides of the world…

Perhaps there was one thing, however, that could remind him of why he married me. Maybe it would even be enough to convince him to stay. But I couldn’t do it while Jack was around. Saturdays were Jack’s relaxing days, then Sundays were his homework days, which meant that he was going to be working down in the dining room all day, which was too open for us. So, it had to wait until Monday. The good news was, that on Monday morning, I was still just as pissed as I was on Sunday. In fact, probably more so now. Yesterday, while I was sitting with Jack to help him with his homework, Hotch didn’t ever approach us. He didn’t ask to talk to me, he didn’t talk to Jack, and he didn’t even sit down to spend time with us or eat meals with us. Fucking ridiculous.

So, while Hotch was dropping Jack off at school, I started preparing my plan. At least, the first half of it, because the rest of it required Hotch to actually be there. When I was ready, I carefully lifted Emily out of her cradle and carried her to her own room to sleep, just in case. Then, I heard the door open. I rolled my shoulders back to fix my posture, as if I were suddenly dawning a new persona, and then I headed downstairs.

“Jessica called, Y/N,” Hotch said from the front door, meanwhile I was still on the stairs, “she said she’s going to be traveling next month, so she won’t be able to look after the kids. We might have to think about getting a nanny since you’re going to be heading back to—” He stopped when he saw me turn the corner. “I…” He chuckled to himself. “What’s this for?”

“Not you.” I turned away from him, the short skirt of my dress flaring up somewhat, revealing how I wasn’t wearing any panties.

I spent most of the morning walking around in that dress, bending down in front of him every chance I got, reaching up for things like the clean towels in the closet or a book up on the highest shelf in the living room. Hotch was silent about it at first. Then, he started testing the waters to see if I was really being bratty or just obvious. He learned quick that I was being bratty. When he asked if I could grab the laundry, I simply said, “No.” When he asked if I wanted any breakfast, I said, “No,” and walked away. Around ten, he asked me if I wanted him to pick up Jack from school later, and all I said was, “I don’t care.”

Next thing I knew, Hotch stormed across the room, held his hand out, and then he pressed his grip against my neck as he pushed me and against the wall. I gasped for air. It didn’t seem to matter, though, because Hotch only squeezed tighter, and he pressed his thigh between my legs. He glared at me. His eyes searching mine, I could see the hints of anger and lust brewing inside of him, something that she was trying to hide, to no avail.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he growled.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Nothing, what?”

“Nothing, Aaron.” I was testing him. He huffed before moving his grip around the back of my neck so that he could start leading me towards the bedroom. “No, wait— Aaron—” I started playfully struggling against him because I didn’t really want to escape from him. At least, not yet. “Baby, I’m sorry!”

Hotch didn’t respond to me. He just opened the door angrily, then led me to the bed with him, still careful to ensure that I wouldn’t trip or hurt myself on my way there. As we approached the end of the bed, Hotch pressed on the back of my neck with his palm, forcing my face down onto the mattress. I hissed at the feeling. When I tried to stand up straight, Hotch increased his strength, pinning me down. I finally gave in, my knees buckling in response to the way his aggressiveness made me embarrassingly wet. But before I could get too comfortable, Hotch made another move. While he grabbed my wrists in order to spread my wingspan across the width of the bed, he also kicked his foot between my ankles with a short and stern demand to spread my legs.

When he was sure that I wasn’t going to budge, he carefully stepped away from me, then moved towards the closet. Shit. Shit, fuck, shit, shit, fuck—Hotch had been so careful with me since we found out that I was pregnant. We hadn’t used the black box since the honeymoon. Of course, since having Emily, it was hard to find time here and there to actually get to all of the fun stuff in the box. I mean, there was hardly any time for us to fuck at all—but we managed to find time since it was an important part of our lives and our relationship, and we knew it. But this… I didn’t think he was going to snap like this.

“Do honorifics mean nothing to you now, brat?” he hissed while pulling out two length of ropes.

“I said I’m sorry!”

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Stop speaking out of turn,” as he took my left wrist and looped the rope around it. “Got it?” I nodded. He chuckled at how I caught sight of the trap before it could catch me. He kissed my shoulders. “We’ll use Colors.” I nodded again, knowing that he was probably on edge, too, considering this was the first time we were using ropes in a long time. After roughly tying my left wrist to one of the bedposts, he said, “Color, baby girl.”

“Green.”

“You’ll tell me if it’s Red?”

“Yes, Sir.”

With the reassurance, Hotch moved towards my other wrist, which he tied to the other bedpost. “Maybe you’ll learn your lesson this way.” Suddenly, he flicked the skirt of my dress up, leaving me entirely exposed to him. I gulped. “Stay like that.”

He stepped away from me to grab something else from the black box, but I couldn’t hear what it was until it was too late. He pressed a vibrator right against my clit. My legs buckled again, the mattress and the ropes barely catching me. When I tried to close my thighs around the toy to try and grind against it, or maybe even to escape it, Hotch pressed his legs between my knees to make sure that I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Don’t even think about cumming, slut.”

“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath while hiding my face in the covers.

“Brats don’t get to cum.” He started moving the toy up and down my slit, making sure that every sensitive part of me felt the full force of the vibrations. “I’m gonna keep it right here,” he pressed it directly against my clit again, “and if you cum, things will only get worse. Got it?” I whimpered. He grabbed my hair and pulled me up roughly. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He let go of me and turned up the speed of the toy. I cried out somewhat and tugged at my restraints as hard as I could, as if it would help make him stop. Even if I escaped, he wasn’t going to stop. He would inevitably just pin me down himself and make sure that I stayed there the way he wanted, taking what he had to give me. Fuck. My stomach was already twisting into a knot. I felt so out of practice with all of this. My stamina was suffering the most, which meant that my orgasm was already approaching, and it was going to be damn near impossible to hold back.

“Sir, may I cum, please?” I begged before I could get too close to the edge.

“No.”

I cried against the comforter. “Please.”

“I said, no.”

I tensed my stomach as much as I could in an attempt to stop myself from getting any closer to cumming than I already was. “Please, please, please…” the plea kept escaping me without thinking. I knew that it wasn’t going to do any good. I knew that he was probably grinning behind me while watching me struggle against the ropes that were keeping my arms spread, and at how I was wiggling my hips in protest—even though it was probably just making the stimulation worse. “Sir,” I choked out, “I can’t—”

“Hold it.”

But I couldn’t hold it back any longer. My legs shook as I tipped over the edge, my orgasm washing through me ten times harder than I had anticipated, making me scream into the mattress. Before I even came down, though, Hotch shoved two of his fingers into me and curled them right into my g-spot. I struggled again. It was too painful to keep going, but Hotch didn’t care. I had cum without permission, especially after being a brat all day, and that was a big no-no. Not that he didn’t expect this outcome. He knew exactly what game it was that he was playing by denying my orgasm and then proceeding to force it out of me, anyhow. He was hoping that I would break the rule. He was counting on my broken down stamina betraying me during the one scene where I needed it to help me out the most; because no he had every reason in the world to make my life a living hell.

“Did that feel good? Hmm?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir.”

“It felt good to break my rule and cum without permission?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“It won’t feel good in a few minutes.”

My eyes widened as I glanced back up at the wall. “No, please, wait—”

“Color.”

“Green,” I answered reluctantly. As much as I hated the thought of what was in store, Hotch hadn’t actually crossed a line with me yet.

Hotch kept the vibrator pressed against me, ignoring the way I was still trying to close my legs and pull against the ropes, and that was when his fingers started thrusting in and out of me at an unrelenting pace. “You want to cum, huh? Fine… Cum. I’m not going to stop.”

My knuckles turned white against the ropes as I kept pulling as hard as I could. “I’m sorry, Sir. Please.”

“Are you sorry? Walking around in this dress all day… Teasing me… How did you think this was going to end?”

“I— Fuck—” I stopped myself when he added another finger inside of me. “Please, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t believe you.”

I made an attempt to buck my hips away from the touch of the toy and his fingers, but he moved with me and then pressed harder to make sure I wouldn’t budge. I was too sensitive to keep going. I probably had another orgasm in me, but that was all, considering how out of practice we were with this stuff. If he tried to go any longer than that—

“Fuck!” I cried, shaking against his touch. “Please!”

“Cum,” he demanded when he felt me tighten my walls around him. I shook my head. “Do it. You said it felt good, so do it again.” I kept shaking my head in protest, but my body had decided that his words were enough to convince me to tip over the edge, so I came again, this time with a little less force considering how tired I was getting. “Poor baby…” he cooed when he saw me shaking helplessly.

“Please…” I whispered. “I can’t…”

“You don’t get to tease me and think that there won’t be a punishment in store for you, slut. You know the rules.”

“I was just mad…” I croaked. Hotch slowed his fingers and turned down the toy somewhat. “I just wanted to keep you here. I’m sorry…”

He turned the toy off and carefully slid his fingers out of my wet entrance. “Are you dropping?”

I shook my head, but Hotch was already working on untying me. “I was just mad,” I repeated. I was just mad and thought that I had to do something to make him mad, too… I was just mad…

----

Despite what we had done, I still wasn’t over Hotch’s decision, or the arguments that we were having. I was sore from straining my muscles, and my mind was exhausted. So, I was really just done with being around him constantly. I needed a break, and I figured that the best way to do so was by texting Morgan to see if he wanted to grab some lunch with me, and when I got the go ahead from him, I slid out of bed, got dressed into something more appropriate, and headed out without saying anything to Hotch.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I turned off my phone so that I could give Morgan all of my attention. I approached the hostess’ table to tell them that I was meeting someone. They grabbed a menu for me before leading me through the dining room and to the back door where the patio was open since it was such a nice day out.

“They live!” Morgan cheered from the table across the patio. I smiled and hurried over to him, my arms out to catch him in a hug after he stood. “It’s so good to see you, baby cakes.”

I squeezed his neck as tight as I could. “Freedom’s nice.”

He laughed and released me. “I’m sure.” He pulled a chair at the table out for me, then pushed it in under me slowly as I sat down. “How’s my goddaughter?”

“Always crying.”

“I told you I’d take her today.”

“You had her yesterday.”

“For an hour.”

“You know what, next time, she can just sleepover at your house with you and Clooney, and you can get up every time she throws a fit,” I joked.

“Deal.”

I squinted at him before glancing down at the menu to consider what I wanted. The thought struck me that if Hotch were really leaving, then we were probably going to have to get a nanny, like Hotch said when he came home from dropping Jack off at school, but it would also be nice to have Derek’s help. He always offered, after all. There were a handful of times over the past few months where he kept asking to take Emily to the park, or to introduce her to Clooney—which was a big no-no with me right now since he was such a big dog—and so on. Maybe it wasn’t too far out for me to ask if he’d be willing to help out just a bit. I mean, I didn’t mean that he had to constantly be there or answer my calls every time, but… Since she had been born, Morgan had been hanging out with Emily every Sunday that he was in town, so maybe he’d be interested in hanging out with her more often than just Sundays. Then again, he had his own life. He was still in his playboy phase, so it was unlikely that he wanted to carry a baby around all the time. Though, babies were chick magnets… Hmm…

“Something’s on your mind,” he finally said.

I looked at him. “What?”

“You’ve been staring at the menu.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m thinking about what I’m going to get.”

“Mhm. Hey, remember that conversation we had when we talked about how I always know when something’s wrong with you? Yeah… I remember. And it’s still true. So, tell me.”

I sighed angrily, slamming the menu shut, and set it on the table while rolling my eyes. Not at him, of course, but just in general. “Did Hotch tell you that the Director is trying to rearrange the BAU’s funds again?”

“Yeah. He warned the team that we might get offers.”

“Did you?”

“I was offered Kate’s spot at the New York Field Office again.”

“Are you gonna take it?”

Derek immediately shook his head. “No. I love where we are too much. Besides, NYC is too dirty and smelly for me.” Yeah, well, the Middle East was all dirt and sand… Maybe Hotch should have considered that aspect, too. “Y/N,” he began warily, “did you take an offer?”

“No…” I croaked, looking down at the napkin on my lap.

“Did Hotch?”

My lip quivered as I nodded.

Morgan sighed. “What is he—” He stopped when the waiter came over with our drinks. “Thanks.” When the waiter was gone, Morgan continued, “What was the offer?”

“A task force in the Middle East. The rest of it is ‘classified’, apparently.” I shook my head in disappointment while picking up my drink.

Morgan eyed me carefully but didn’t say anything yet. He was waiting for me to find the words to describe how it was that I was feeling about the whole situation, but the truth was that there were no words. I knew that I was angry, I knew that I was depressed, and I knew that I was going to be very lonely for a while because of how this was making me feel and react. I was lashing out at Hotch, and that wasn’t the right thing to do. Some part of me understood that. Some tiny, little piece of my mind was screaming at me to do better, to support Hotch like I normally would because I didn’t want to turn into Haley; but reality took the wheel instead of reason. The reality was that Hotch was leaving his family at a time when he needed to be around more. I just had a baby, our daughter was so young that she still needed her father around, and Jack needed reassurance from his father that he wasn’t being forgotten. But Hotch had decided to run from all of that. He made the choice to leave, and so I got angry, and I wanted him to fucking know it. Not that it would help.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “Is it weird that I just want to go numb?”

“No.”

“Then, why can’t I?”

“Because you know in your heart that you have to solve this—if not for your relationship, then for yourself. I know you, Greenaway, and you don’t like leaving pieces of your life unresolved. Whatever the decision ends up being, I know that you’ll at least end up feeling at peace with it eventually because you’ll know that you did all you could.”

“I want him to stay.”

“What does your life look like if he doesn’t?”

“Dark.”

“No. I mean, really, what would your life look like? How would you make it work, because I know for damn sure that you’re not going to give up on him.”

I hated it when he got all wise on me because that was when he started to make the most sense. “I—”

“Alright. What can I get for you two?” the waiter said while speeding over to our table and flipping his notepad open.

After we ordered and turned in our menus, he hurried away, and I looked at Morgan again.

“Realistically, Jessica would have to help out more, which isn’t fair of me to ask of her, even though, apparently, she’s offered to move in with us while he’s gone. I just don’t want to do that to her. But Hotch was right when we talked on Saturday about it. He’s going to be gone and I’m going to be busy with work. There’s no one around who can rush home if Jack or Emily suddenly need something important. Like, I can’t just drop a case because of it, you know? When Hotch and I were working together, it was easy because one of us could stay at work while the other ran home. But now… That’s not an option anymore. So, realistically, my life is going to boil down to family or work, not family and work.”

“And you don’t want to have to make that choice.”

“Of fucking course not. I’ve been dying to get back to work, Derek. I can’t stay holed up in the house any longer, I swear.”

“So, you need an extra pair of hands,” he said, almost like he was alluding to something.

My eyes widened at the realization. “No—”

“—Yes—”

“—Absolutely not!”

“Why not, pudding?”

I squinted at the nickname. “Because you have a dog, a line of girls waiting to fuck you, and your own life to worry about.”

“Well, Clooney can either stay downstairs all the time because you guys got those godforsaken baby gates—” Yeah, we all hated those because we kept forgetting that they were there, so we kept tripping, but then it was also ridiculously hard to open them while juggling a baby in one hand and trying to get the lock undone with the other— “Or, he can stay with a friend.”

“So, we do musical chairs, but with our babies. You get Emily, and your friend gets Clooney?”

“Why not?”

I shook my head. “I can’t believe…” I started laughing.

“Listen, Y/N, I really want to help out. You’re my best friend, and Hotch means a lot to me—and I know how much this opportunity means to him—and Emily’s my goddaughter, so, of course, I want to help out as much as I can. It’s not a big deal. Please, let me help.”

I stopped laughing long enough to gauge just how serious he was. His posture was still straight and unchanged, his eyes were soft like he was pleading, and his breathing was steady, which meant that there was no hint of an act or a lie. He was being serious. When I thought about asking him to help out here and there earlier, I didn’t anticipate this would be the outcome. But how could I say no? I mean, even if I did, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Derek Morgan was going to jump every obstacle between him and Emily until I would inevitably just give in to his offer; so, why not just make it easy for him?

“Okay.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

----

When I arrived home, a smile still on my face as I recalled a stupid joke Morgan cracked during lunch, I set my stuff on the table next to the door and hung up my jacket on the coat rack. The house was dark, which was… peculiar. It was Monday evening, which meant that Jack should have been running around or doing his homework downstairs. And there was no hint of Emily crying. Peculiar. Where had everyone gone?

That was when I turned into the living room to see Hotch sitting there, facing the TV, which was off. Odd. I carefully approached him in case he was holding Emily in his arms and she managed to fall asleep. But once I got close enough, I realized that he was just sitting there. He was staring at the wall.

“Hi,” I welcomed cautiously. He didn’t say anything. “Aaron?” He looked at me shortly, anger washing over him before he turned back to face the wall. “Where’s Jack?”

“A friend’s house,” he answered shortly.

“Emily?”

“Sleeping upstairs.”

“And you?”

He didn’t answer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Where were you today?” he asked quietly and calmly, even though there was a bite behind his words that insinuated that he was secretly boiling with rage. I sighed and shifted to take his hands. He moved away from me. “I dropped today.”

I stopped. “What?”

“I Dom dropped, and you weren’t there. I called you three times, and you didn’t pick up. I’ve just been sitting here all day, freaking out, thinking that I actually hurt you this time around, and that maybe that was why you were avoiding me… and that…” He took in a deep breath and looked away from me. “Where were you?”

“Baby, I didn’t know—”

“Where were you, Y/N?” he repeated, this time his anger breaking through.

I swallowed hard, then sucked in a shaky breath, none of which was helping me calm down for his sake. Hotch had never Dom dropped. Ever. I should have known that the one time I would disappear after a scene without a trace and without talking to him, it would take a toll. I should have known. And, yet, I didn’t do anything to prevent this because I was so caught up in the idea of escaping him and our stifling home long enough to just feel my legs again. Realistically, what I should have done was told him initially how I was feeling. I should have told him that I liked all the attention, and I liked what we were doing, and I was okay with the punishment I received for being a brat, but that I needed a break from all of it. I should have told him that I was mad at him. I was mad because he was leaving, and not even the sex was going to keep him home with me.

He would have understood. He would have cared for me and made sure that I didn’t drop, which would have been enough aftercare for him to not drop. But I wanted to see my friend, and I didn’t take my partner’s feelings into consideration. That wasn’t right. Not only did I fail in that moment as his submissive, but as his wife, and as his partner for nearly four long, blissful years. We were more open than this. We didn’t abandon each other’s feelings like this. All I could think was that I was sorry, but I knew that wouldn’t fly in this situation. I needed to do more.

“I was with Morgan, getting lunch.”

Hotch buried his face in his hands. “You could have told me that.”

“I had to turn off my phone so that I could focus on him. I’m so sorry, baby.” I tried reaching out for him again, and this time he let me. I put my hands on his shoulders, then slowly started squeezing, massaging away his tension, releasing all of the anger that was building up inside of him. “How long have you been dropping?”

“Since you left.”

“Okay…” I kissed his bicep. “Okay. I’m sorry. Did you have lunch?” He shook his head. “You need to eat. Do you want a sandwich or a salad or something?”

He moved to put his hands over mine. He brought them over his shoulders, moving me so that I was sitting on my knees behind him, my chest pressed against his back. “Can we just…” He let out a sigh after kissing the back of my left palm. “There’s some leftover pizza in the fridge. I’ll have that.”

I kissed the back of his head. “Alright.” I let him kiss my hand again before I shifted off of the couch and headed to the kitchen.

Once I had the pizza reheated for Hotch, I carefully balanced the plate and a cup of iced tea for him out to the living room. I slowly handed it to him while sitting down. He silently thanked me before setting the glass down, then settling his grip around one of the piece’s curst. I scooted closer to him so that I could rub my hand over his back as a comfort. He melted somewhat. He continued to eat through the two separate pieces before drinking the iced tea. Then, when he was done, he relaxed against my touch, letting me run my fingers through his hair over and over again.

“Baby, if I knew, I would have stayed. If I knew, I would have come back. I am so sorry, I wasn’t here, Aaron. You’ve never dropped, so it didn’t cross my mind.”

He sniffled. “I don’t know why it happened. I’ve just been so fucked up since I found out that I’m leaving, and I’ve been taking it out on you, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve gone that far with you this morning.”

“It’s okay. I was fine with it, Aaron, I swear. I know you think you hurt me, but you didn’t—you never have, and I doubt that you ever could.” I carefully grabbed his hand, but he reached around to hug me. I kissed his neck. “Look at me.” He did so. “How do we handle this in the future? Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll make sure this never, ever happens to you again.” When I offered getting him some food, I had just guessed that was what he needed, but everyone handled dropping differently.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” he admitted. I brushed my fingers through his hair. “I wouldn’t know what would help…”

“Well, there’s a handful of things. You know me, I like physical touch. Being held by you and loved by you is enough to help me not drop or to stop dropping entirely. But some people like service—like food, or clean, warm clothes or sheets; others like distractions, like movies or exercising; I’ve been with someone who always needed sexual release when she Dom dropped.”

Hotch squinted at me. It wasn’t that he disliked hearing about past partners, but he didn’t like being compared to them. That wasn’t even my intention. I only brought it up because it was hard to tell him that it was okay if he wanted to cum while he was upset. That didn’t make him a bad guy. Even though it was a long time ago, and she and I were young, I could remember vividly how she’d tell me if she felt off after a scene, and I would just know what to do, and she’d immediately feel better. That was how we worked. But I never thought that Hotch would need it, too. I hadn’t seen this coming—which was very much my fault—and so now I needed to find out how to prevent this in the future. His job as my Dominant was to make sure I was in a safe environment before, during, and after play scenes. I neglected my job as his submissive to show the same courtesy. She would have never let that happen because she knew herself well enough to warn me, but Hotch hadn’t seen this coming.

“Just,” I patted his chest, “whatever you feel like you need, tell me. I don’t want you to ever have to go through this again—especially alone. Okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He stayed quiet in order to consider all of his options. I continued to brush his hair back out of his face. A thought that was hitting me was that Hotch hadn’t cum before I left, which could have been part of the problem in the first place. He was so caught up in the idea of punishing me that he hadn’t even taken the chance to fuck me, or even use my mouth. And then, like he was reading my mind, he said, “Could you…” He gulped and rolled his hips instinctively. I smiled lightly. “I’m sorry… That’s stupid…”

“No, it’s not,” I insisted, shaking my head. “Just relax.”

I slid off the couch and landed on my knees before crawling my way between his thighs. He was already hard in his pants from waiting with anticipation. The point wasn’t to tease and play with him. The point was to make him relax and have him release the stress and anxieties that came with dropping. So, I immediately fiddled with his belt, buttons, and zipper, then pulled his pants down—with the help of him lifting his hips up, of course. When he was just in his boxers, I grabbed onto his waistband, then looked up at him. His head was already thrown back against the cushions, his arms stretched out over the back of the couch. While sliding his underwear down, allowing his erection to spring free against his stomach, I asked if he was alright. He nodded shortly.

When I took his shaft in my dominant hand, he hissed and tensed. I shushed him quietly to make sure that he would relax again, and I didn’t move until he did so. As his thighs on either side of my body released the tension that had built up, and his hands turned from fists to laid out palms on his chest, I pumped my hand up and down a couple of times before moving to luck my tongue over his tip.

“Fuck, Y/N—” He stopped himself from moaning too loud because Emily was still asleep upstairs. “More…” He tangled his hands in my hair. “Please.” I let him push my mouth onto as much of his length that would fit—and then some. Rather than pulling on my hair, like he normally would, he instead opted to run his thumb over my cheek bone to encourage me. “So good,” he whispered when I started bobbing my head quickly. He held me as I hallowed my cheeks and used my tongue for extra stimulation. The goal was his release, that was all. There was no need to waste any kind of time. “Baby…” He was so breathless, and I could feel him tensing up again, so I snuck my hands under his shirt to feel up his loose abs, careful to avoid the scars that had been there for years and would be there for the rest of his life. He removed his hands from my hair. When I felt his fingers dance over mine through his shirt, I spread mine so that we could interlock. “I’m gonna—” His abs tightened against my touch, a thousand curses and breathless moans escaped him, and his hips bucked around slightly as he came. “Fuck, fuck, fuck— Shit—” He whimpered submissively as he rode out his orgasm. When I was sure that he was done, I slowly pulled off of him and swallowed, and I wiped my lips clean with my fingers. Hotch sat up to slide his pants on. “Come here.” I sat with him, but then he moved us so that we were spooning together. “Thank you.”

“Do you feel better?”

“Yes.”

I kissed his bicep that was against my cheek. “Good. I’m glad.”

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes as we both caught our breath, and I was thinking about how he didn’t want me to leave today, and I didn’t want him to leave in a few days… It was all so messy.

“We do have to think about getting a nanny,” Hotch whispered. I scoffed. “I’m serious. With me gone and you heading back to work, it just makes sense that we have someone here all the time with Emily who’s not Jessica.”

“Well, maybe if you stayed, we wouldn’t—”

“I’m not fucking staying, Y/N,” he hissed. “I’m sorry, baby, but I don’t know how much clearer I can be.”

“I’m not going to stop trying to keep you home with me, you know?”

He hummed a “yes” in my ear while pulling me closer. “I know.”

“Will it help?”

“Probably not.”

I screwed my eyes shut to stop myself from crying quietly against him. “I love you, Aaron. More than anything in the world. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You always feel like you have to control everything around you, Y/N, I understand that—in fact, that’s a reason I fell in love with you in the first place. But sometimes you can’t control everything… And when that happens, you just have to admit it and try to move on with your day.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re going to have to try if you’re going to get through this.”

I brought his hands up to my face and kissed his knuckles while thinking about how I couldn’t bear the idea of having to get through anything without him by my side. He was going to be gone for who knew how long. He was going to be who knew where in the Middle East, doing who knew what, risking his life who knew how often. How was I supposed to survive that? How was I supposed to sit around in our home or at the office and do nothing? How was I supposed to trust that he wasn’t going to get himself killed out there? I just didn’t want to think about it anymore. For once, I just wanted to pretend like he wasn’t leaving at all and that I had nothing in the world to worry about.

“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “More than anything in the world.”

A tear slid down my cheek. “I love you, too.”

-----

criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322 @rousethemouse @sunshinepower17 @weexinling @pettttyyyc @Braty-angel

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner #Aaron Hotch Hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner smut

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gintokisimp · 3 years

Text

If you don’t have a Past, you can’t have a Future - Ch. 2 Morning Stories

It’s a normal weekend morning in the Sakata household. Or is it really that normal?

Genre: Fluff, Family, Light Sexual Content

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2,199

Small fingers wrapped around Gintoki's fingertip. He bent down to examine the toddler under the blankets, but he didn’t recognize it. The child was none of his. Short white hair framed the chubby face and light grey eyes stared up to him.

Grey eyes?

Who has grey eyes? He had never seen that before, what an unnatural color..

..come to think of it.. Red and Purple aren’t normal colors either.

The toddler opened it’s teethless mouth and when it laughed, it sounded like birds singing a heavenly melody.

Crickets chirping disrupted his dream.

Gintoki opened his eyes fully. He still always tries to sleep as long as possible, but he just wasn't a long sleeper anymore.

Tsukuyo was already working in the kitchen, preparing the family's breakfast. The sound of rattling plates and faint music from downstairs crept into the bedroom.

Gintoki sat up, and looked out of the open window. It was a sunny morning and the fresh air brushed his face, carrying the smell and noises of late summer. It had been a hot summer, but gladly, they were able to afford air conditioning, when the house extension was built. It made the summers so much more endurable.

The beautiful atmosphere refreshed his thoughts, but the dream didn’t leave his mind. Maybe he was just mixing things up, dreams tend to work like that.

He scrambled out of the sheets and put on some black jogging pants and a simple grey shirt. Settling down with a family meant he could finally have a bigger variety of clothes. However that works.

Gintoki slouched through the open door down the stairs to the office living room hybrid and entered the kitchen. It had previously been his bedroom, but now it was the perfect room for a spacious cooking paradise. They really enjoyed cooking together. It was almost like a family ritual, baking all kinds of sweet stuff (mostly strawberry flavored of course) with the kids and eating it downstairs in the cozy bar with the rest of the family.

She was wearing a fluffy morning robe, her short hair pinned up in a messy ponytail, skin rosy from her morning shower, looking as divine as ever.

Tsukuyo tiptoed busily through the room, quickly glanced at him and gave him a warm smile.

That damn bewitching smile.

He fell for that a long time ago, still remembering it clearly. He worshipped it when she looked at him like that, she could kill him with her smile alone. Generally speaking, he worshipped her with his entire existence.

Gintoki hurriedly closed the gap between them and caught her in her movements, wrapping his arms around her waist. She was emitting a warmth that he loved so much about her.

"Good morning, honey."

Humming to the sound of the music, Gintoki swayed with the rhythm. She sighed in response and leaned into him while she continued to prepare the breakfast. His lips found her neck and she gasped.

"Could ya wake up the kids?"

Tsukuyo muttered through her lips.

"mhmh.."

He held her a little bit tighter, pushed her lightly against the counter and faintly rocked against her backside. His mouth hovered over her neck, breathing against it, and he felt a shiver going down her spine. Jackpot! that always worked to get her in the mood. He laughed quietly before he continued his teasing.

"Could ya.. ya do it.. now?" She stuttered.

"Yea,.. sure."

Gintoki whispered in a breathy tone and his lips latched onto her neck again, eliciting a surprised sigh from her mouth.

"Gintoki.." She called out weakly. „That’s not what I meant.“

His hands left her hip and moved upwards, following her round curves and finally, they rested over her breasts. Tenderly, he started kneading them and dragged his thumb over her already stiffened buds which he could feel through the soft fabric. Tsukuyo moaned softly and closed her eyes.

His lips left her skin and instead, he ran his tongue along her delicate neck and -

"Papi what are you doing?"

Gintoki stopped like a deer hit by the headlights, his eyes wide open, hands on her boobs, tongue on her neck. He looked over to see the twins Ginga and Mizuki standing hand in hand in the doorframe. The hormones really got the best of him that he tried to seduce her so carelessly in broad daylight, but she was also completely obliterated. The new set of lingerie was still ghosting through his mind, that kind of made him go stupid.

Conclusion: It wasn’t his fault.

"I .. I.. uhm.. I'm helping Mami make breakfast."

"But why are ya licking her f’ that?"

Gintoki let go of Tsukuyo and awkwardly walked over to them and kneeled down in front of them.

"You see, when Mami and Papi love each other, they do things like that while making breakfast. It’s normal, it’s completely normal!" He said in a serious tone. Gintoki thought for a millisecond and added something else.

"..and Mami likes that."

A spatula hit him on the back of his head like a deadly weapon and he fell face first to the floor. At least she stopped using Kunais on him a long time ago. She might be worried to lose the father if she continued to pierce his brain with sharp metal.

"Idiot."

Tsukuyo mocked him and Gintoki lifted his upper body to glare at her.

"Hey, no violence in front of the kids! Besides that, you could use that for something better than throwing it at me, you could sp-”

Another kitchen utensil hit him and knocked him over again. This time, he stayed on the floor, only inelegantly rolling on his back.

“Mizuki, Ginga.. could you please visit Granny for a few minutes until the food is ready?”

“Yes!” They chirped in unison and immediately ran out of the room.

He still was surprised how obedient they were. He didn’t know where they got it from, definitely not from him. Gintoki sat up and looked at Tsukuyo. She was back to her business, her back facing him. That was his chance. He jumped up.

"They're gone, now let's make it quick. I'm ready."

Gintoki already fumbled on his pants but Tsukuyo whacked him in the head when he reached her.

"Owww, I already told ya that's the wrong place."

He held his head and pouted, lookin at her with fake puppy eyes. She didn’t fall for it.

"Ya still an idiot."

"Can you blame me though? I'm just an ugly man with an absolutely beautiful wife."

Gintoki grumbled angrily, crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the kitchen counter.

Tsukuyo blushed furiously. Even though they were married for so many years now, she still blushed like a tsundere high school girl and he liked that. It was also fairly easy to achieve that, but she could do that to him just as easily.

"Ya think I'm beautiful?" She asked quietly.

Gintoki's anger evaporated and he looked at her visibly confused.

"uh.. of course? Didn't I say that enough times already? I can say it a few more times if you wanna hear that again."

"I.. I just thought as I'm getting older, I'm.." She suddenly stopped in the middle of her sentence, averting her face from him.

"You.. ?"

"..forget it"

"You're joking, right? You must be joking. Have you ever looked at yourself?"

“I have and yer just blinded.” She whispered.

“Blinded by what?! I love you , not your looks!”

“So you hate how I look?” Her eyes found his, watery, shining. Fuck.

“What?? No! That’s not what I meant, you’re beautiful, stunning, gorgeus.. fuck, I’m out of words.”

“..okay.”

“If I do not literally love everything about you, do you think I would be standing here right now? Do you think we had some little brats running around our home?”

“I - I’m not sure.”

“I’m gonna tattoo that on your arm if you keep questioning my endless love for you!”

"But..also.. we.. we are not really a fan favorite" She shyly crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned away again.

"Wh - What're you talking about?" Gintoki was genuinely confused now. Fan favorite?

"The polls are always full of pairings with you.. and.. I .. only reached 11th place"

Gintoki understood. He never gave a single fuck about any of those rankings, expect the offical character popularity polls, where he always ends up first. That was important as a protagonist. But everything else? Trivial.

"You reached 11th place? We reached 11th place and it doesn't matter as long as I can be by your side."

She tensed up a little.

"I don't give a single fuck about any fan polls. Our pairing can end up in the last place, but in the end, I won you. I couldn't ask for more"

Gintoki pulled her in his arms and she gasped in surprise.

"You're my goddess, Tsukki. My literal moon goddess."

"Stop." Tsukuyo frowned.

"You're my moon in the darkest night. Always shining on my path."

“Stop.” She whispered, blushing slightly.

“With you, I never have to walk alone.”

Tsukuyo hit him weakly.

“I worship you, I pray to you every day and I still hope that one day the goddess will step down from the heavens and never leave my side.”

She giggled.

“I’m already here you idiot.”

“Tsukuyo, I don’t know what’s wrong today, but I hope I can make your day better.”

"Save that sweet talk for the bedroom." She laughed in her sweetest voice and pushed him away.

"Now go and get the kids back, why did you even send them downstairs?"

"You know exactly why." Gintoki said suggestively.

“Now gimme a kiss.”

He pulled her back in his arms and covered her lips with his, his hands started to roam over her back, resting on her bottom. Tsukuyo smiled and slightly leaned back to escape his desires.

"But you still have another child" She whispered and Gintoki’s eyes flung open. He let go of her, caught red handed for the second time today. Tsukuyo pointed behind him with a smile and Gintoki turned around.

Tsukishiro stood in the middle of the neighboring room and looked over to them, uninterested, exploring the depths of his nose. He was already neatly dressed in the white haori with the blue swirls. It was way too long for him, but he refused to get it shortened.

He was an early bird and always reasonable and tidy. That was one of the things he got from Tsukuyo. He was like the perfect mix, but at the same time, he was not.

Reluctantly, Gintoki let go of his wife and sighed.

“Fine, we will do it later,.. promise?”

“Promise.”

She held out her pinky and Gintoki hooked it with his own pinky. It only added to the crackling tension between and he quickly retreated. Tsukuyo gave him another smile and he turned around to meet his son in the living room.

“Morning Kishi.”

Gintoki patted the boy's fluffy hair and he kneeled down to get to his level.

"Did you hear what I said to her?" He whispered into the child's ear.

"Of course, I'm not deaf." He bluntly replied.

Gintoki paused, he felt his face heating up.

Don’t get embarrassed in front of your kids, what are you, a lousy virgin?!

..wait -

What are you, a lousy single father who mourns over his late wife and tries to get approval from his kids to date another woman?

"Don't loose a word over it."

“I never planned to.”

“Good.”

Such a good boy.

"Now, would you help your mother with the table? I'll be back in a few minutes"

"Sure.”

Tsukishiro lazily made his way over to Tsukuyo , hugging her waist tightly. Tsukuyo hummed and caressed his silver locks lovingly without averting her attention from her current task.

Aw so cute..

Gintoki could melt on the spot.

The boy suddenly turned his head and glared angrily at Gintoki, his eyes glowing.

If you don’t treat her right, don’t you dare to come close to her.

Gintoki was dumbfounded for a second. He blinked and everything was back to normal. It was probably just his mind playing some tricks on him. He stumbled to the front door and slipped in his shoes.

The morning sun on his skin was warm. He knew he would be sweating a lot today. He hated to sweat on his free days.

Gintoki entered the bar. The twins sat on two chairs, all their attention directed at Otose, who was holding up a DVD. They were listening with wide eyes until they noticed their father entering the establishment.

“Papi, Granny told us a story about you! A new one!” Mizuki screamed happily and waved at the old woman.

"Ah good morning Gintoki, I didn't know you were such a philanderer once." She laughed roughly and waved the DVD in her hands.

Philanderer? When..?

"Oi, what's that?" He asked while coming closer. Otose turned the object in her hands and held it in his direction.

Gintoki looked at the cover and went pale.

"Where.. where did you get that..?"

#gintama #gintsu #fanfic #gintoki x tsukuyo #gintsu fanfiction

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thefloorisbalaclava · 4 years

Text

okay. i’m supposed to be editing the next pre-pragma one shot but i’m stopping to write a little something about this. can’t resist when it comes to frankie.

this was such an inspirational ask. thank you for sending it. nearly 2k words!

Imagine…

It’s early. The sun is barely over the horizon when he wakes you. And, of course, he never just shakes you awake, no, there’s kisses and nuzzles and a “come on, sleepyhead” or “good morning, beautiful”.

Frankie is certainly a morning person so you’re not surprised to see that he’s all dressed and ready when you finally wake up.

“What’s going on?” you ask, rolling out of bed.

He shrugs. “Let’s just go somewhere. I packed us a few things already.”

“How long have you been up?” You walk to the bathroom.

“A few hours. Come on.” He taps your bottom and you giggle. You shower as quickly as you can then throw on some comfortable clothes. You’ve learned that when Frankie says he wants to go somewhere that means it’ll most likely be a long drive. He loves getting away with you. He turns his phone off and everything.

By the time you get downstairs, he’s already loaded up his truck and is waiting for you. He’s leaning against the truck, arms crossed, shades on and smiling. “Ready to go, babe?”

“I’m always ready to go with you, baby.” You walk up and kiss him. “Where are we going?”

“We’re just…going,” he says as you walk to the other side to get in. Once he gets in, he pulls out his road trip mix CD and puts it on. It has a little bit of everything and you both always end up singing along to almost every song.

He stops about an hour and a half in to get gas and stretch his legs. You offer to drive but he always tells you he just wants you to sightsee. He knows how much you like to take pictures and he stops whenever you ask him to.

“Are you liking it so far?” he asks, putting the gas pump back in place.

“Of course. I’m with the love of my life going on an adventure. What’s not to like?”

And that’s what he loves about you. He loves that you call these little road trips adventures. He loves that you enjoy spending time with him. He loves you.

“What are you thinking about, Frankie?”

“You, duh.” He turns his head to you for a kiss before pulling back onto the road.

“I never noticed those mountains over there,” you confess, pointing. You realize that being with Frankie helps you notice and see things you never really have before. A new appreciation for everything around you had blossomed in your heart all because of him. He helps you stop, take a breath, and take in the world around you and what you’ve been missing. What can be greater than that?

“Wanna stop for pictures?” he asks when he sees the way you put you lean on your arms out the window.

“When we get closer.”

The sun is high in the sky now and Frankie pulls over for another little break. You both sit in the bed of his truck eating the sandwiches he packed. He passes you your water bottle—it's one he bought for you a few years ago. It is dented and worn from how many times you’ve used it on your hikes and adventures but you’ll never get rid of it.

“Thank you, sugar.” You take the bottle from him and just enjoy the peace and quiet of being away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. When you look at him again, he’s smiling from ear to ear. “What?

“I just…like when you call me names like that.” He shrugs shyly and lowers his head so you can’t see his face under the bill of his cap.

“You mean like baby, handsome, sweetie, cutie…Francisco?”

He nods, swallowing the bit of sandwich he had in his mouth. “Especially that but…” He puts down what he was holding and pushes you onto your back, making you giggle. “That’s liable to get you in trouble.”

“What kinda trouble?” you ask, taking his hat off and putting it off to the side.

“The good kind.” He kisses you and you run your fingers through his hat hair.

“Didn’t know there was such a thing,” you tease.

“With me there is.” He kisses you again, trembling as you scratch at his scalp. “We keep this up the road trip ends here.”

“If it did, I’d still love it. Always an adventure, remember?”

“Always.” He sits up and puts his hat back on before hopping out the back of the truck then helping you down.

Three hours in and he’s taken you towards the mountains you pointed out earlier.

“You didn’t have to, Frankie.”

“Yes, I did.” He takes your hand and kisses it.

“You’re so good to me.”

“No other way for me to be. Wanna stop for pictures now?” You nod and he finds a good spot to pull over. He reaches into the backseat and pulls out your camera. “Knew you’d need this.”

“What would I do without you?” You take the camera from him and get out the truck. He follows you, watching as you take pictures, moving here and there, kneeling, standing…then you turn to him.

“Uh…no…” He tries to cover his face but he’s too slow and soon he’s laughing and you’re capturing it all.

“You are in your element, sir. Pose,” you say dramatically and he rolls his eyes, leaning against the truck and crossing his arms. “Oh yes!”

“Stop it,” he chuckles, turning away which only makes the sunlight shine onto his face in the loveliest way. You always tell him he is a work of art and you mean it. “Don’t you have more interesting things to take pictures of?”

“Nope. There is nothing more interesting than you.” You snap a few more pictures of him then turn away, looking at the view. “I mean this view is great but you’re beautiful.”

“Really? I don’t think anyone’s ever called me beautiful before.”

“Well, I am. You’re beautiful, Francisco.”

“Gimme this.” He takes the camera from you and starts taking pictures of you. “Pose,” he quips and you actually do—silly poses, silly faces that make him nearly double over in laughter. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

“Liar.”

He stands beside you again, taking in the view before looking at you. “I mean it. You’re gorgeous.”

“Eh…not like this.” You look down at your clothes.

“I think this is when you’re the most beautiful,” he says. “Not a care in the world, relaxed, smiling. This is you.”

“You’re such a romantic.”

“Not trying to be. Just speaking the truth.” He pulls you against him and sways slowly. “We’re surrounded by all this beauty but I only have eyes for you.”

“Frankie…”

“Don’t get me wrong, this view is stunning but you’re even more so. And I get to look at you and see you every day.”

“Well…doesn’t that make me less special after a while? The same face over and over again.”

“But it’s not the same. I come home from work every day and the first thing I wanna see is your face. Whether it’s stressed out or sad or frustrated or happy…I get to see it. I get to kiss it better and be the one to make you smile if you’re sad. I’m luckiest damn guy in the world.”

“I didn’t think I could love you anymore than I do but you help me break my record every day.” You sniffle and wipe your eyes. “Thank you.”

“For what? What I just said…”

“Yes, but also for reminding me of the beauty in the world. For making every day of my life an adventure. For showing me this.” You spread your arms out. “But, most of all, thank you for loving me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” The kiss that happens after he says that is a thank you, but it’s also an ‘I love you’ and ‘I can’t live without you’. It’s all those words that are left unsaid, all the things you may forget to say out loud. The kiss is an unspoken ode to love, an unwritten love letter. It takes you on another adventure as your heart beats in time with his.

You fall asleep on the way back so you miss the little glances Frankie sends your way. He is so in love.

He pulls onto the side of a quiet road and you stir a bit, but he still wakes you up in his own way—kisses and whispered sweet nothings. A nuzzle here, a gentle touch there and you’re awake.

“Damn, did I miss anything?” you ask as you stretch. The sun had set now.

“Nah. Come on, let’s stretch.”

You get out of the truck and look at him. “Let’s stay out here tonight,” you suggest.

“In the truck?” he asks and you nod.

“Another adventure,” you say.

“You got it.” He always kept a blanket in his truck.

“Look at those stars.” You are always so amazed when you look up at night. But Frankie, he didn’t need to look up to see his moon and stars. He didn’t even have to look up to see the sun. All he had to do was look at you. Every celestial body paled in comparison.

He helps you into the bed of the truck then hops in beside you, kicking off his boots and helping you take off yours. He pulls you close as you lie down and takes his hat off.

“You’ll protect me from the bugs, right?” you ask.

“I’ll protect you from all the bad things in the world especially the bugs.” He chuckles when you roll your eyes.

“You wanna know my favorite thing about our little random road trips?”

“Hm?” Frankie’s eyes are closed already.

“I get to go on them with you. I get you to myself for a day.”

“I’m yours all day every day…for the rest of our lives,” he says sleepily.

“That’s a pretty long time,” you say, snuggling up against him.

“A lifelong road trip, babe. A lifelong adventure.”

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #francisco 'catfish' morales #triple frontier #pedro pascal #headcanon

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wolfloke · 3 years

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Rp Ideas

(Barista Aus)

[Character A] is a barista at a coffee shop. [Character B] comes in every day and orders the same thing, at the same time, always. One day, [B] doesn't show up.

[Character A] is all ready to pay for their coffee, when they realize they've lost their wallet. [Character B], the customer in back of them, offers to pay for them.

[Character A] and [Character B] are baristas who work the morning shift. Something more than friendship blossoms between them (Can already be pre-established or can happen over time), however, things change when [A] is moved to the night shift, and [B] stays in the morning shift.

[Character A] is tired of customers' shit. When one especially rude consumer decides to mouth them off, [A] does the logical thing, and spits right in their mocha whipped caramel latte. It isn't until they're handing the coffees out that they realize the rude customer hadn't ordered the latte. [Character B] did.

[Character A] is the new barista at a local coffee shop. [Character B] doesn't quite like them. When the two get into a fight and the hot milk machine explodes, the manager threatens to fire the both of them unless they can work it out. How do they go about becoming friends?

[Character A] is a barista working the late shift alone. It's a slow night, and the store is entirely empty, so they decide to close up shop and lock the doors. However, as they're in the back of the shop counting stock, they hear glass shatter in the front, and they know it's not just a coffee crazed customer. [Character B] can be anyone; The burglar, an employee who forgot their things and decided to head back but witnessed the burglary, or a concerned passerby who spotted the break in happening.

(Zombie AUs)

[Character A] is holed up in a locked down, abandoned mall. Somehow, [Character B] gets in. How do the two react once they realize they're not alone?

[Character A] is stuck on a rooftop. [Character B], who's stuck on the rooftop across from them, has been trying to make contact with the other survivor, to no avail.

[Character A to Character B] "Gimme all your shit. The food, the water, the weapons. Everything. Now!"

[Character A] is all out of ammo. There's a horde on their tail, they're injured, and it's not likely they're going to make it out alive. And that's when they see [Character B] beckoning them to a hiding spot just a few steps away.

[Character A] and [Character B] are traveling together. Then, one of them gets bit. How does the other react?

[Character A] is dying. [Character B] is keeping them company. How do they interact with eachother?

(Highschool AU)

[Character A] is new to a prestigious boarding school. They're lost in the hallways. Then they happen to bump into [Character B].

[Character A] manages to piss off [Character B], aka, the scariest kid in school.

(Three People RP) [Character A] is happily dating [Character B]. However, [Character C] is secretly in love with [A/B], and desperately wants them to break up.

[Character A], a high school student, is dating [Character B], a college student.

[Character A] and [Character B] are by no means friends. Then they get grouped together for a project that forces them to spend time at each others' houses. Do they become friends, something more?

[Character A] is hiding a secret. [Character B] just happens to find out.

[Character A] is the new kid in school. If the rumors are any indication, they're a bit of a weirdo. [Character B] refuses to believe them, and decides to get to know [A] for themself.

[Character A to Character B] "Yikes, I saw that fall a mile away. Looks like you dropped a lot of stuff. Want some help?"

[Character A to Character B] "Are you...Are you drawing me?"

[Character A to Character B] "Lunch in the classroom again? Mind if join you?"

(Celebrity AUs)

[Character A to Character B] "Holy shit! I've seen you before! You're...!"

[Character A] is the top model at a fashion agency. That all changes when [Character B] is scouted, and practically rips the spotlight from [A]. How does [A] respond to this? How does [B] feel about it?

It's not everyday you bump into a celebrity...Except it is for [Character A], who suspiciously keeps bumping into the famous [Character B] everyday. Coincidence, or something more?

[Character A] is a movie star visiting their hometown. However, they realize that time in Hollywood has made them forget the town. So, they appoint [Character B] as their tour guide.

[Character A to Character B] "Don't you know who I am?"

[Character A] is a famous movie actor playing the lead in a romance film. [Character B] is the clumsy rookie that somehow got the second lead. How will the two get along, especially when [Character B] can't seem to remember their lines?

[Character A] is a photographer in a park struggling to find their muse. When [Character B] happens to stroll by, they realize they've just found it.

[Character A] scores backstage tickets to a rock concert, which just so happens to be their favorite band, like...Ever. [Character B] is the lead vocalist/guitarist/whatever of the band.

[Character A], a lovestruck rookie actor. [Character B], an experienced, well known actor who's been starred as the main lead in multiple romance movies. Somehow, [A] ends up being the second lead to [B]! How does [B] react to [A]'s inexperience? Will they get along? And how will they go about about the kiss scene that occurs later on in the movie?

[Character A] is walking home one night, when they see [Character B] attempting to jump from a bridge! Dashing into action, they talk them out of it, only to find that [B] is a famous celebrity, who, for some reason or another, feels indebted to [A] forever now.

(Supernatural AUs)

[Character A] is a werewolf struggling to control their transformations. [Character B], a lycan nerd, offers to help them, but only if they can document the process.

The city is plagued by a number of mysterious killings that leave their victims drained of any and all blood. While believed to be animal attacks at first, [Character A], a detective, thinks differently. And when [Character B] is caught on CCTV grabbing a helpless woman and tearing out her jugular, well, that just confirms [A]'s suspicions.

(Multiple people rp) Ever since the dark ages, witches have been forced into hiding, lest they be revealed and punished with a fiery death. For centuries, they've breeded amongst covens, creating generation after generation of children with extraordinary abilities. Each child only has one ability when they begin the harnessing of their internal power. But, of each generation, there is one child, and only one, that shows signs of having multiple abilities. Over time, these special children became known as The Supreme Witch, and had to complete grueling and painful challenges in order to prove their powers. Now in the modern age of technology, there is a special school for the last remaining witch millennials to come to terms with their abilities, learn to control them, and strengthen them. All witches are able to participate in the test to determine who is supreme, at their own risk. However, one question remains; Just who will survive the test and be crowned Supreme Witch?

[Character A]'s family moves into a new house. It doesn't take [A] very long to figure out they're being haunted by [B].

[Character A] thinks that their boyfriend/girlfriend, [Character B] is acting a little odd. They're always cold, pale, and they seem to be uncontrollably thirsty all the time.

[Character A] is a clumsy witch struggling to harness their internal energy. [Character B] is an older witch, who offers to teach them, on one condition.

[Character A], a sailor on the S.S Jolly Fellow, awakens from a nap below deck to find the boat anchored in the middle of the ocean and the crew gone. The only other person they can hear is [Character B], a mermaid/merman sitting on a nearby rock, singing a soft harmony.

[Character A] finds a fairy out in the woods and traps it in a jar. This fairy, [Character B], demands they be let go. And [A] agrees, but on one condition; [B] must grant them any wish they want.

[Character A] is bitten by a wild wolf one night in the woods. They hide it from their friends and family in fear of being scolded for being out when they weren't supposed to. But soon, weird things start happening. For instance, their hearing seems to be super good. Their eyesight is enhanced greatly. And they can smell every hamburger in a five mile radius. But along with the hamburgers, they can also smell certain people with "different" powers (Vampires, witches, other werewolves, etc). And their nose seems to be leading them right to [Character B].

[Character A], a fledgling vampire, attacks [Character B] and turns them. Now apart of their pack, [Character B] must now be mentored by the very person that turned them into a bloodthirsty monster, [A].

[Character A] is a professional hunter hot on the trail of [Character B], a monster.

[Character A], a mermaid held in captivity. [Character B], a worker assigned to their tank. How do the two come to trust each other? What happens then?

(Darker AUs)

[Character A] wakes up in a dark room with a chain around their ankle. They can't remember anything from last night, except maybe.. A blurry image of [Character B]'s face.

[Character A] knows not to talk to strangers, but there's something so endearing about [Character B] that they can't help but to chit chat. Little does [A] know, they'll be regretting it very soon.

[Character A] has had [Character B] chained up in their basement for a while now. At first, they'd just meant to kill [B] and be done with it. But for some reason, [A] can't bring themselves to do it. Why? What will they do in the end?

[Character A] wakes up covered in blood, next to a sleeping [Character B]. What happened? How did [A] end up there?

[Character A] is a twin to a royal family, their sibling being a princess/prince destined to marry into a richer kingdom. For years, [A] had dreaded their parting. It finally came in the form of [B], a sadistic tyrant who insists he marry the beauty that is [A]'s twin. Refusing to let their sibling fall into [B]'s hands, [A] dresses up as them, and takes their place instead, becoming [B]'s hand in marriage.

(War AUs)

[Character A] is a freshly drafted soldier. [Character B] is the bitter, apprehensive sergeant, tasked to whip [A] into shape.

[Character A] and [Character B] are soldiers on opposing fronts, who so happen to be severely injured, and who so happen to be hiding in the same house. Unfortunately,

Disclaimer. I don't own any part of the art nor do I own nor do I own the context of this of this post. I am reposting this so all who love to role play has access to it.

#rp #erp #role play #role play ideas #creative writing #writers block #writing ideas #short story #one shot plots #plots #rp plots

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dizzydancingdreamer · 3 years

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My Just Dance Playlist and who I would battle against / team up with in order to remain the champ

Hey lovelies so I— like usual— am procrastinating so I have decided— at the behest of literally no one— to extensively go through my workout Just Dance Playlist and explain in depth who I would 1 v 1 against, why I would pick them, and why I would— most likely— win.

PSA: This will be very biased and will literally be me bragging about how I would win at Just Dance every time with very little factual proof (because, really, how am I getting this proof?) and then literally me being self absorbed for the entirety of this essay length post— a girl’s gotta’ self care you know?

This is also lowkey practice for a fic I’ll be putting out at the start of Dinner at Dizzy’s so stay tuned it’ll be a fun one

Sorry in advance for the 2.4k essay of me being self obsessed

Also the links are just vids of the choreo in case you’re invested

Into The Unknown | Idina Menzel

This is a warm up song— like if I don’t do this one to stretch I’ll literally die— but definitely Wanda because we’re both soft (don’t fight me on this— I just know she’s a soft girl and would LOVE Just Dance). I don’t think I would aim to win on this one— I like her too much and, again, this is a warm up. She would definitely sing along with me too. If Sam was in a good mood he would also join in on this one— he has two nephews and is fun as fuck so I do not doubt he knows all the words and would be all in. Honestly this song is a warm up so anyone could join and I wouldn’t aim to win— unless it was Tony— because the man’s ego is perhaps the only one bigger than mine— or Steve— because I don’t know why I just think it would be cute to watch the man fumble because he 100% can’t dance beyond the slow dances.

Let It Go | Idina Menzel

Okay so another warm up (yes, I need two warm ups) so again the same principles apply. Again Wanda would be all over this one and I would go as far as to say Pietro— fuck off he is an Avenger and in my head he’s still very much alive— would join in too because he’s like a puppy. I would make Bucky do it too— cue the pout because he would try to say no and nope, no sir, you’re playing— because, uh hello, super soldier dancing to Disney songs. I think I would pull Nat in too because she needs a little push and once she’s in she’d be fully in— and, duh, I want a sexy woman assassin to dance with me.

Bad Romance | Lady Gaga

This isn’t my favorite song but— lucky for me— it’s a group song with three dancers so it won’t make me look bad right away. I would pull my sexy girl gang and get Nat and Wanda in on the action. I feel like Nat would be in the front— because, again, hello sexy— and not to mention that I feel like her skills would make her able to easily adapt to the moves— and then Wanda and I would just be chilling in the back, giggling and being cute. This is Nat’s moment— can you tell I only get competitive against the men? Fuck trying to beat Nat, I’m using this time to absorb the sexiness— I will be needing it for later on in this playlist.

Hot N Cold | Katy Perry

OKAY THIS IS ARGUABLY MY FAVOURITE SONG ON MY PLAYLIST! This is 100% my best song. Like “perfects” across the board every single time. I have it memorized and if this song ever comes on in public I’ll be fucked because I’ll have to dance to it and look dumb. Anyway— given that this is my best song— Sam. I can afford to throw him in here because— despite the fact that I know this man has literally all the moves— I have this song ingrained in the essence of my soul. It would probably be a semi-close race but I have the added bonus of knowing the tricks of the choreography. He may be skilled but I am obsessive and have poured hours into this song. I would probably laugh when he loses because of the adrenaline (again, it was close, my heart would be pounding). This is dirty and strategic but this is about me winning and nothing else. Better luck next time babes— rematch anytime.

Girlfriend | Avril Lavigne

MY THIRD FAVOURITE SONG— JUST LIKE BEFORE THIS IS IN MY SOUL! I have actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. I could use this song to knock out a more skilled dancer— Tony, Sam (again), Pietro (you know I’m right)— but I have made the executive decision to pull Steve in on this one. Clearly it has nothing to do with skillful planning on this one— I would 110% win this game— but rather it has everything to do with the fact that I want to look this man in the eye and mouth “Hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess” and watch him get flustered and maybe tell me not to swear. Clint would laugh and that’s more than enough motivation for me. I also want to giggle and stare at the super soldier the entire time because I can hit the moves with my eyes closed and he would be flicking his eyes between the screen and me wondering how on EARTH I got so good at this. SO CUTE!

California Gurls | Katy Perry

THIS IS THE ONE THAT IS TIED WITH HOT N’ COLD FOR FIRST! I’m good good at this one. I grew up on Snoop Dogg and I fully believe that is why I am so good at this song. Anyway Pietro— without a doubt in my mind Pietro would kill this song (or in the very least try to kill it) and I’m not worried about losing because of the sheer amount of gameplay I have on this song alone. He would have the most fun with me and it would be the literal time of my life. Like I might actually lose this one just to see him get all happy and puppy-like about winning— LOL just kidding no I wouldn’t, sorry peanut better luck next time. You killed the hip wiggles though!

Forget You | CeeLo Green

Okay this one might not make any sense but Bucky. This is a hard-ish song but I think some of the moves really scream like old-timey and I think— if he could get rid of his pride for five seconds and let some of the fun-loving, silly Bucky out— that he would really enjoy this song. It’s fast paced but repetitive, the lyrics are fun, and I would be laughing enough for the both of us that he wouldn’t think about how dumb he looks because I’d be looking doubley stupid. Don’t let that fool you— I am a whiz at this song too. There’s a lot of jumping and spinning and jump spinning that entice that perfectionist side of me in a way that has driven me to perfect this song. This isn’t a heavily strategic move— it doesn’t need to be, he, again, hasn’t danced in years— but it is fun while allowing me to still win. NEXT!

Waterloo | ABBA

Okay two teams here, this is where it gets fun. This could go in a lot of directions. If Tony isn’t there then I would pull Nat— the gameplay is easy and she would pick it up within seconds. I would then pair up Steve and Thor because they’re both huge and clunky and would spend the entire time bumping into each other. Dirty but I’m doing it without regret. NOW— If Tony was there then we’re teaming up. I don’t trust him to not be on a team with me because he’s too competitive. I won’t risk it, not today, not ever— we’re eternal dance partners because I refuse to be bested by a man. Even a sexy, silver fox millionaire. The other team would be Sam and Bucky. They would fight the entire time. I can hear it now— “That was the wrong move, dumbass.” “You stepped on my foot, asshole.” — it’s a virtually flawless game plan. There’s a 1% chance they would team up to win against me but even then Bucky hasn’t danced since the 30’s. Foolproof.

Just Dance | Lady Gaga

I am AWFUL at this one but luckily it’s a group dance again. If I had to choose any song to take a break for— because I’ve literally just whooped Avenger butt at this point and deserve five minutes to sit down— it would be this one. This is 100% a strategic move. Love you miss Gaga but the choreography is WACK and I will not be losing. Anyway I will be nominating Tony, Pietro, and Sam— a dance battle of epic proportions and I honestly cannot tell you who I think would win. I can, however, speculate. Sam right off the bat would be a hard player to beat. I said it before and I will reiterate now— Sam Wilson has all the moves. But, that being said, Tony would not want to lose. Like at all. So I am pushed to believe that this fight would be a tough battle. Pietro I don’t think would try too hard to win but, then again, I just pitted him against Tony and, well, we all know how that goes. He has an ego too so honestly it could go in any direction. Pietro might be soft with me but against Sam and Tony— this fight might get dirty. Camera’s out people!

Gimme! Gimme! | ABBA

Thor. Like— there’s just no other person that I want to disco with. None. I want the blonde god up there next to me or nobody. Well, besides Steve because LOL yeah he’s not winning that sorry pumpkin we’ve already covered that. Thor I could simultaneously beat and laugh my ass off with. It’s a lot of tricky moves— ABBA didn’t come to play— and way too much variety for him to be able to catch on right away but he would also not care about looking like an idiot and might end up just picking me up and spinning me around because why not right? I would win and be happy.

Starships | Nicki Minaj

This is pure strategy— Tony. This is the only one I could beat him at because of the sheer amount of moves and plot twists in the choreography. There’s a lot of jumping, spinning, kicking movements and if you haven’t had two months to memorize it then you’ll be fucked. Even then it’s a long shot because— AGAIN THE EGO DRIVES THIS MAN TO HEIGHTS I HAVE YET TO SEE ANYWHERE ELSE— but it’s my best bet. If I could blindside him enough with the hip wiggling then it would be a sure win but he might see through the strategy. He’s smart— too smart. I would fight dirty— I don’t lose. Now, if Tony— again— was not present then I would pull my baby Wanda for this one because she would have so much fun and it would be 1000% worth it. Literally my ray of sunshine— let’s do fun girl things like dance to Nikci like the entire team isn’t watching. Clint and Sam would be singing along— that’s canon. Nat would be filming and cheering. The super soldiers, iron boy (assuming he’s sitting this one out), the fast one, and the gods would be slack jawed. It doesn’t get better

Maneater | Nelly Furtado

I can’t even explain how long I’ve had the plan for this one. Too long. Remember the sexiness I was talking about? Yeah— here’s where I’m gonna’ need it. This is ALSO one of my favourite songs on this playlist because of how sexy I feel dancing to it. The moves are *chefs kiss* so fucking amazing I could cry. I feel like a maneater when I dance to this and that is a blessed feeling. Anyway— I will be pulling two people for this song and those people are Clint and Nat. I think Clint— contrary to popular belief— is secure enough to have fun dancing to this and, also, not to mention the most important part— whoever wins gets to take me on a date. The big guns. Literally it’s a foolproof plan. First, I can’t lose because this choreography is hard as fuck for beginners and I have been practicing and perfecting it for months. Second, the fight between Nat and Clint would be so fucking entertaining. They’re skilled, agile, sleek assassins who would literally dance to Nelly Furado like their lives depended on it. I think what’s even funnier is that Nat is for sure the better dancer but I just know Clint is a) only a fraction less better than her and b) would be trying SO HARD to win. Like I wouldn’t put it past him to not play dirty. I am cute, after all. His 6’3” ass would be sweating trying to get my 5’2” ass on that date.

Good Feeling | Flo Rida

Clint, baby, knowing full well you could have possibly just lost the last round to Nat, I will give you one more chance— mainly because this whole song is a vibe and the choreography is so much fun and there’s a handful of moves that I both want to do in sync with you but also want to laugh watching as you flounder them. Clearly as a stealthy archer assassin I am testing my luck with this one but he just doesn’t know the in depth ins and outs of this choreo. He doesn’t know about the like seventeen hundred bridges that this song has and the robot moves in the middle. So I’ll wrack up those extra points where needed. Honestly if you only click one link make it this one— I can’t describe how fun this would be with him. Competitive but fun. I have faith in myself that I would come out on top. He’s agile but I’d risk it all for the title of champion. Still, he would fight hard— that’s why I love him though.

How Far I’ll Go | Auli’i Cravalho

This is my cool down song but there’s someone here who has managed to hide his way into not playing and that is unacceptable— Loki, babe, you’re doing my relaxing song with me because the gods only know how much you need a break. I’ll look dumb because— believe it or not— the slow song trips me up the most. But it’s fun and it’s the reason I don’t have a heart attack when my chubby ass is done all the fast songs— so it’s necessary. It’s also slow enough that he won’t look dumb and thus won’t literally kill me because he won’t be embarassed. I would willingly lose to Loki because I don’t want to lose my life. It isn’t a loss— it’s survival. That and I think he’d smile if he got a good score and that alone is worth losing to this one (1) man. I also want to add that I think Clint would secretly love this one because you can’t tell me that a man with an aim as good as him doesn’t meditate. He does and he would perhaps beat Loki at this one. Rest in peace to the love of my life when the trickster god literally tears his head from his body but sometimes you’ve got to take the L baby.

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into1-wonderland · 3 years

Text

Baby!Into1 x Daycare au | Intro

(ft. Bo Yuan as the caretaker of the 10 chaotic bunch, ranging from the ages of 3-5)

a/n: hello hello yumi here~ so this is the first into1 au of mine that will ever see the light of day. at first I was going to write things for it, but honestly I'm going to make it into a series with incorrect quotes to attach with it. this post will be the bios of all the babies and our lovely caretaker Bo Yuan, so enough of me babbling and I hope you guys could enjoy~

First off, we have the Caretaker™ Bo Yuan:

my mans is like in his 20's rn

wanted to open up a little day care as like side job/internship because he wanted to teach kids in the future so he was like “might as well start working with kids now!”

and so

he did it

only regretted his life decisions when his devil number 1 and devil number 2 does something bad

other times he really enjoy looking after them! and he doesn’t even feel like it’s a job!

has been thinking about taking a field trip with all 10 of them but he’s afraid: 1) he might lose one 2) he might lose himself 3) can they behave themselves

his favorite thing to do is having all of them gather around while reading a fairytale to them for nap time

or sometimes he would sing a song

he has a lot of favorite things in day care, literally having all 10 of them just there makes him happy

except when lin mo and nine is having a scream off:

lin mo: ahh

nine: aHH

lin mo: AHH

nine: AHHHHH-

bo yuan, running into the room: what’s wrong?

ak: screaming

bo yuan: why?

patrick, with his hands over his ears: TO SEE WHOS LOUDER

all the other boys: *nods*

isnt always watching the kids 24/7, since day 1 when the kids came in he told them the rules of the daycare and kinda just let them familiarize the place

(bo yuan: its a daycare, and they are kids, they are suppose to have fun!

keyu, in the back, mumbles: i wanna climb the tree in the yard

bo yuan, turns around: keyu no)

///////////

And now we have the kids!!

Liu Yu:

4 years old

very quiet, just likes to sit and read and draw

the most obedient one, and likes to follow around bo yuan

well,, most of the time

he’s played a few pranks on bo yuan like:

bo yuan: liu yu nap time is over you have to wake up

liu yu: *not moving*

bo yuan, gently nudged liu yu: liu yu wake up!

liu yu: *continues to fake sleep and not move*

bo yuan: *leans closer to liu yu’s face to make sure hes not sick or has a fever*

liu yu, scares bo yuan: WAH

bo yuan: liu yu dont do that! you scared me!

liu yu: *giggles*

likes to stretch and bend himself in odd positions

(bo yuan: everyday I’m in fear that he will snap himself in half)

kinda an introvert but once he hangs around everyone for a bit he will open up to them and fit himself in very well

likes to organize and keep things how he found them/have special places where he organizes his toys

jiayuan: *moves liu yu’s fan*

liu yu: hey! put that back!!

has really good etiquettes and never really fights or argues or bicker with the other kids

but likes to joke around and mess around with once in a while

patrick: wahhh i put my cupcakes here who took one!

liu yu, hiding it behind his back: idk maybe keyu took it?

the least of bo yuan’s worries since he’s always in bo yuan’s sight, also he’s aware of his surroundings so he actually helps bo yuan make sure everything’s okay

(bo yuan: i made a checklist for myself on the whiteboard and liu yu likes to check things off for me, he said “coloring in the boxes is fun” so now he's the reason why i get all my work done)

-----------

Santa:

4 years old

riki’s best friend

super happy and bright, like a ray of sunshine

is easily scared

lin mo: hi

santa: WAHHHHH BO YUAN GEGE

really likes bo yuan, would stick on to him a lot and ask him about everything

santa: bo yuan gege whats this?

santa: bo yuan gege what’s that?

santa: bo yuan gege what are you making right now?

hangs out with liu yu and mika a lot (other than riki)

riki is older than him but would hold riki’s hand and take him around like a didi

also really likes racing with mika for E V E R Y T H I N G

(bo yuan: yeah couple days ago they tried to race who can fall asleep faster but because they kept on peeking at each other so they basically didn’t sleep till i said i’ll watch for them)

really likes to dance, every time he hears music he would start grooving around

loves learning new things, which is probably the reason why he always asks bo yuan so many questions

also least one of bo yuan’s worries, just gotta make sure jiayuan and lin mo don’t pull pranks on him

(bo yuan: well they dont really pull prank pranks, its just once lin mo grabbed a frog and started running around and showing it to everyone, but lin mo lost grip and the frog jumped on santa)

-----------

Rikimaru:

5 years old

looks like he’s 3, acts like he’s 3, but is actually 5

best friends with santa! always sticks around him and likes to tug on a corner of his shirt out of habit

bo yuan: alright everyone it’s nap time! i’ve made the beds for everyone

riki, sees his bed is not next to santa: bo yuan gege can you switch my bed next to santa? i wanna be next to santa

he didn’t start speaking till he was 4 so he often stutters when he talk and just looks confused a lot (it's because he’s thinking and formulating his words)

santa and the other kids would always have to interpret for him

bo yuan: riki I brought some snacks today do you want cookies or marshmallows?

riki: ???

santa, motioning with his hands: bo yuan gege said do you want the white fluffies or brown crunchies

riki: oh! crunchies!

squishy cheeks,, bo yuan’s favorite thing is to squish his cheek everytime he sees him

riki: gud mooning bo yuan gege!

bo yuan, squishes riki’s cheeks: ahh I haven’t seen you in so long good morning!!

nine: wait wasnt riki here yesterday??

also likes to stretch,, often seen around with liu yu and they just help each other

(bo yuan: i am afraid he will snap himself in half too)

not too much of bo yuan’s worries, besides the fact that he might get kidnapped because he’s so oblivious

(bo yuan: we were playing outside in the yard once and riki just wandered off because he thought the neighbor’s flowers were pretty)

-----------

Mika:

4 years old

also kinda an introvert, doesn’t interact with too many people

usually it’s santa that approaches him first or keyu^^

found a ukulele in the toy bin one time and wouldn’t let go of it (he claims it’s his now)

his favorite activity at daycare is when they all sing together, that’s when he smiles the most and has the most fun

the one that likes to nap the most

also likes to help bo yuan cook once in a while (mostly just having mika washing vegetables and passing things to bo yuan)

very laid back and not noisy (till he starts playing the ukulele)

often gets scared by lin mo’s sudden screams (actually, lin mo scares a lot of people, sorry to mika’s ears)

also not one of bo yuan’s worries, literally there’s nothing to worry about with mika, all the kids just likes to sit around mika and pet his head so he keeps everyone safe

(bo yuan: one time I couldn’t find any of the kids in the play room, apparently they were all in the napping corner petting mika’s head since he just got a hair cut)

-----------

Nine:

4 years old

loud, very loud.

pouts a lot

everyone calls nine cute, even the boys who are younger than him

likes to boss around patrick because he’s older

nine: patrick gimme that juice box!

patrick: you’re closer you get it!

nine: i’m older than you!

literally scared of everything

if he hasn’t seen it before and it’s living, he’s scared

jiayuan: *holds a bowl of tadpoles*

nine, several feet away: WAHHH WHAT IS THAT

the happiest when he gets snacks + real food food

also really likes to sing!! his favorite thing is watching disney movies because there’s so much music in it and he just loves to sing along

he’s not part of bo yuan’s worries because he’s literally scared of everything, but nine is really naive and would do things that the other kids tell him to do so, it’s a 50/50 on nine

(bo yuan: there was an edible decorative flower on keyu’s birthday cake couple days ago, and somehow jiayuan convinced nine all flowers were edible. so today during outside time nine almost ate the neighbor’s flowers)

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Lin Mo:

3 years old

LOUD. VERY LOUD.

probably the craziest most hyper one out of them all

he and jiayuan always have something bad planned

literally doesn’t have a moment where he’s calm

constantly in bickering mode with ak

lin mo: NO IM RIGHT

ak: NO. IM RIGHT

patrick: what are they arguing about?

keyu: *shrugs*

but is also best friends with ak so he’s also calm around him

(bo yuan: yeah these two have on and off days, you can never predict it)

and also constantly naruto runs around the daycare

bo yuan: lin mo stop running!

lin mo: *nyoom*

he also once nyoomed into keyu

keyu: ow what was that for?

lin mo: you were in my way!

and now he nyooms into keyu for fun

a very good mood maker

likes to smile/laugh a lot

would calm down if you show him a movie or a cartoon

number 2 on bo yuan’s worry list because he’s the "bad influence" for everyone, also he reduces hearing for everyone

(bo yuan: i’ve secretly made a tally book on how many times i have to say “lin mo” in a concerning tone this week and he came in 2nd. he was only here for like 3 days!)

-----------

Zhang Jiayuan:

3 years old

YOURE THREE STOP SMIRKING LIKE THAT

couple months younger than lin mo but this is the real culprit under a lot of his and lin mo‘s plans

it’s just because jiayuan has a lot of crazy ideas and he says them out loud and lin mo is just like “yes”

also sometimes they are just accidents, but he's always doing weird questionable things with lin mo

got really sad one time because he brought tadpoles and put them in the fish tank and killed them since the fish went nom

but then started to constantly catch for tadpoles to feed the fishes

bo yuan: jiayuan stop, you’re killing the frog population!

jiayuan: but the fishies are hungry *pouts*

likes to fight/mess around with keyu for no reason

keyu: *sitting there, drawing*

jiayuan, with a squishy hammer: *bops keyu’s head*

but also will protect keyu if anyone tries to mess with him

lin mo: *nyooms into keyu for the 3rd time of the day* jiayuan, hugs keyu: stop hurting him!

the calmest thing he likes to do is taking care of plants, probably because he saw bo yuan spraying the plants one time and he like to squeeze the spray bottle

number 1 on bo yuan’s worry list, this child is literally not safe alone or with anyone. they were trying to celebrate keyu’s birthday and jiayuan tried to touch the candles, while it was lit, by the flame.

(bo yuan: i just got the tablets and haven’t set up children mode, so i’ll take the blame for this one. but also why are kids so good with technologies nowadays??)

-----------

Patrick:

3 years old

squishy :D

smiley :DD

favorite thing is nap time and snack time

somehow knows every location where bo yuan hides their snacks

bo yuan: *getting the snacks that he hid in the piano*

patrick: *sitting next to the window sill with the snack* hi~

of course bo yuan can never get mad at patrick for eating the snacks because patrick doesn’t do anything bad

also he's a growing child

best friends with keyu,, and drags him on to “adventures”

*the daycare got a new toy play house*

patrick: bo yuan gege, keyu and I are moving out so we can go on an adventure!

keyu: I didnt agree to this??

wants bo yuan to add dress up into the daycare games, since he wants to dress up the other boys in the daycare

patrick: i call it, patrick fashion!

not part of bo yuan’s worries till he’s on his hunt for the hidden snacks, just because bo yuan is afraid he might hurt himself

(bo yuan: i started hiding the snacks higher up and one time i saw him trying to climb on keyu’s shoulders to grab it)

-----------

Zhou Keyu:

3 years old

smart, but really clueless at the same time

tall, but has the personality of smol

likes to draw

also likes to read with patrick,, but usually patrick falls asleep so it’s him, the book, and a sleeping patrick

wears glasses all the time since his vision isn’t so good but somehow he makes glasses look good on him???

has a chain with his glasses because there too many glasses incident with keyu

glasses #1 keyu: I don’t like them! *takes it off and loses it*

glasses #2 keyu: *takes them off for nap time, but riki accidentally rolled on to them and snapped it*

glasses # we don’t know how many: *disconnected from the keyu universe*

also like a month younger than lin mo but literally has to make sure lin mo doesnt “blow” the place up

lin mo: what if I stuck this fork into the pluggie thing?

keyu, picking lin mo up: nope you’re not

when keyu is clueless he either stands there or just sit there and space out, not really noticeable but bo yuan ran into him doing that a couple times

(bo yuan: I thought he was an ai that was malfunctioning, it scared me at first but now I know he just doesn’t remember what he’s doing)

oh did I mention this,, even though he’s one of the youngest, he’s the tallest, with that advantage he likes to try to pick people up

jiayuan: keyu pick me up!

keyu: no

patrick: keyu likes me more he will pick me up!

keyu: no

patrick: *pouts*

keyu: *tries to pick both jiayuan and patrick up at the same time*

bo yuan, running over: ZHOU KEYU PUT THEM DOWN YOULL BREAK YOURSELF

not too high up on bo yuan’s worry list, give him a piece of paper or book or anything he would just calmly sit there and do something with it

(bo yuan: every time when we do art or reading its so hard to pry keyu away, he has to finish what he was doing and he’s so concentrated he doesn’t hear anybody)

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Liu Zhang (AK):

4 years old

loud, VERY LOUD.

he doesn’t know he’s loud

bo yuan: ak you don’t have to yell

ak: OKAY

monopolized over all the instrument music type of toys in the daycare

bo yuan: ak you know you have to share your toys right?

ak: I gave the ukulele to mika

honestly having ak is like having a walking megaphone so bo yuan ended up actually making ak his little helper for announcements

bo yuan: ak go tell everyone is lunch time

ak: alright!

ak: *da da da running to fetch his little stool*

ak, stands on a little stool in the middle of the play room: ITS LUNCH TIMEEEEEE-

nine, swats ak’s leg: YOU SCARED ME

the only time ak is quiet is when he’s around lin mo, he kinda just likes to watch lin mo and follow him around so that’s that

unless lin mo starts messing with him, then you just lose your hearing for the day

also at first bo yuan was trying to see what ak is interested in, and he taught ak hot cross buns on the bells and thought that would calm ak down,, but oops ak ended up making more noises

patrick: I WANNA SLEEP AK

(bo yuan: I swear something happened to this kid or something. he’s not hard of hearing but he’s just naturally so loud)

i too would lose my hearing if im around ak so much

not to high on bo yuan’s worries but he just make sure ak isn’t being too loud and bothering the other kids, usually he’s pretty good about that but you never know when a little patrick will start napping or anyone really so gotta contain his energy

(bo yuan: ak is usually the first one that’s awake from nap time but its usually like 5-10min before everyone else so i told him he can go and play but he just has to be quiet)

///////////

alrighty !! now you've met everyone in the daycare, what kind of fun and chaotic adventures are they going to have??

(all future daycare au things will be incorrect quotes + short little one shots, this intro mostly served as a bio so you understand their personalities a bit, and i hope you enjoyed it!)

#i wrote a lot of these at like 3 to 5 in the morning #i know theres a lot of loop holes in this au but please ignore it #i just want the fatherly love and chaotic children energy #might have the other chuang boys featured in future stuff in this series #<- im not dropping any spoilers #baby!into1 daycare au #into1 #into1 liuyu #into1 santa #into1 rikimaru #into1 mika #into1 nine #into1 boyuan #into1 linmo #into1 zhang jiayuan #into1 patrick #into1 zhou keyu #into1 ak

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authenticcadence18 · 4 years

Note

in the spirit of the other anon: what are some of your favorite pnf songs?? 👀

AHHH MADDY PLS YOU KNOW I LOVE MUSIC AND PHINEAS AND FERB THANK YOUUUU FOR THIS ASK.

ok so! favorite songs! I’ve got a ton so let’s just jump right to it (see what i did there? lol)

What Might Have Been

This is my FAVORITE Phineas and Ferb song, I remember when whispers about a “Phinbella duet” first started circulating mid-2012 and being SO HYPED (I was so hyped I wrote my own Phinbella duet, lollllll. maybe I’ll post it sometime). I waited literal YEARS for this song and it was VERY WORTH THE WAIT. I love the instrumentation (the strings? the guitar? the drums? the hint of Isabella’s theme at the beginning of the third verse? a A H), the lyrics are just so heartfelt and sweet and poignant (with just a hint of trademark PnF humor thrown in, lol), and the vOCALS GOOD LORD, ALYSON AND VINCENT KILLED IT. And the harmonies at the end. Bless. AYA isn’t perfect but I ADORE “What Might Have Been.” Like, they really gave us a 3 1/2 minute long song of Isabella and Phineas singing about being in love. They did that for us. Sometimes, I listen to it on a loop when I need to focus...or just because I want to listen to it. It’s truly just. The best. Ah. My heart. This song deserves more mainstream attention dANG IT.

Summer Belongs To You

This song is so uplifting and positive and the beginning is a Phinabella duet of COURSE I love it (i deeefinitely made a lil’ reference to it in a certain simile in chapter 9 of CHFIL, not sure if anyone caught that but writing it made me smile!). It always puts me in a good mood and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. And it gets bonus points because it features Candace singing about loving her brothers!! SBTY is also one of the episodes that got me interested in the show, so this song holds a special place in my heart.

City of Love

This song ALSO holds a special place in my heart. Like, it’s so sad but it’s so good. I love Isabella, and I feel for her (and when I first heard this song I could 100% relate to her plight, LOL). This is also the first PnF song I ever downloaded! So it’s very nostalgic and special to me.

Us Against the Universe

I ADORE THIS SONGGG I ADORE IT SO MUCH OK IT’S JUST EVERYTHINGGG. It makes me feel ALL THE THINGS. It’s very similar to “Summer Belongs To You,” but rather than being rooted in nostalgia, it’s like a reminder that the characters are still as present and united as ever. A couple years ago, I never would’ve thought we’d get to hear the entire cast sing together ever again, so like....this song means the world to me. It’s a great song for 2020.

The Universe is Against Me

This is ALSO the perfect song for 2020, but in a venting way as opposed to an uplifting way like the previous song. I love the imagery in the lyrics (and like...they’re surprisingly real and raw for Phineas and Ferb) Singing along to it is so cathartic, I could listen to this one on a loop and not get tired of it.

Happy New Year

THIS SONG DESERVES TO BE ON AN ALBUM. I listen to it every new year; it really captures the feeling of New Year’s Eve and the celebration of starting over (and also. uh. I will forever associate it with Phinabella and lovely Phinabella vibes because of that scene of them dancing together).

Busted

Busted is iconic. Plain and simple. I adore it. Love the harmonies, love the vibe, I’m pretty sure this was the most listened to song on my old iPod, lol.

Somebody Gimme a Grade

I was (and am...lol) 100% the kid who had to have the best grades they could, so this song speaks to me on an emotional level. I also love the clever wordplay--like, “you wasted all my time learning how to rhyme then left me hangin’ from a treble clef!” is sUCH A GOOD LINE LIKE WHO THOUGHT OF THAT IT’S BRILLIANT. I also love getting to see Baljeet come out of his shell a bit and express himself!

Happy Evil Love Song

This is one of my go-to songs to play on the ukulele! It’s just so funny and sweet (as long as you don’t think about what happens after it, lol).

I Really Don’t Hate Christmas

THIS SONG. I LOVE IT. I love that it pokes fun at the “villains hating Christmas” trope while also subverting it! It’s just, so soooooo so great. I have a great time trying to sing it each Christmas season, LOLLLL. (because those are some FAST lyrics. how did Dan do it????)

That Christmas Feelin’

This is one of my favorite Christmas songs ever!!! It really captures the vibe and joy of the season, and I always go out of my way to play it when hanging out with people who might not know it’s from Phineas and Ferb! lol

In The Empire

One of my biggest flexes is being able to sing the entire “It’s sO NOT FAIR....” section of this song, LOLLLL. It’s just such a fun one to sing!!! (or attempt to sing....hah. Ashley has SKILLS.)

Ferb Latin

Ok, this one might seem a little random, but as a musician, I am OBSESSED with how the three melodies intersect and blend together at the end of the song!!! It sounds SO GOOD. (Plus. Phinabella duet. Yes. Are y’all detecting a pattern?)

Aerial Area Rug

So I’ll just go ahead and say PHINABELLA first because this song has MASSIVE Phinabella vibes (I mean it begins with a homage to the “do you trust me?” scene with Phineas and Isabella, that’s like pure-seratonin right there). And this song is also genuinely just so beautiful. It’s sung so well and the instrumentation is gorgeous and the lyrics are so literal but like, they work very well. (and that key change baby, I love a good key change!)

Gitchee Gitchee Goo

Gitchee Gitchee Goo means that I love you! It’s a classic, and super catchy, and totally reminds me of Phinabella even though in the context of canon that isn’t what it’s about at all😅. Also! Candace and Phineas singing and having fun together will always make me smile. I crave wholesome sibling interactions.

Thank You For Coming Along

THIS SONG MAKES ME FEEL THINGS....I really can’t think of a better send off the show could’ve had. I love how genuine it is, like a love letter to the fans, with all the references and such (I’m a sucker for fourth wall breaks, lol)! And I mean, that Phinabella moment near the end is just MAGNIFIQUE, YES, FOURTH WALL BREAK, PHINABELLA KISS REFERENCES, AND PHINEAS FLIRTING WITH ISABELLA??? WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

We’re Back

and THIS SONG. THIS SONG RIGHT HERE. I can’t think of a better re-introduction to these characters after saying goodbye to them years ago. This song really feels like a warm hug, a welcome home. The music video Disney released for it is especially wonderful because it incorporates scenes from the show!!! I always rock out to this one whenever it comes on. It’s a gift, truly. I love it. I needed this song this year!!!

Ok I could go on and on and on but this post is getting really long so I think I’d better just post it, LOL. Maybe I can make a pt. 2 sometime, LOL. Because there are plenty of other songs I love!!!

THANKS FOR THE ASK MADDY I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS!!!!!!

#sorry this post is so long #typed it out on my computer😅#long post #phineas and ferb #phineas and ferb music #cadence rambles

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years

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My Queer Playlist

Whether they’re upbeat & joyful or they convey pain & sadness, songs are a way to bond with a lot of people over something as amazing as queerness. Music has a power & ability to cut through, communicate something, & bring people together. Music can make being queer not so isolating.

Everyone has their own list of songs, but here’s my queer playlist.

It includes songs by LGBTQ performers, gay anthems, songs that are about LGBTQ topics & people, and songs that speak to the queer experience (that you’re not alone, the search for self acceptance, things get better, you’ve got one life so make the most of it, and things like strength, perseverance, & love overcoming odds). And many of these are great songs for dancing, which makes sense as even today most of the specifically-queer spaces are bars and dance clubs.

You’ll notice that as the years go on, the number of songs starts increasing as it became safer to be out & queer topics became more accepted. You’ll also see a shift from borrowing the songs of female empowerment to having actual LGBTQ people singing about their lives and feelings.

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1939 - Over the Rainbow : Judy Garland - The dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. Rainbows and dreaming of a better world--absolutely speaks to queer desires. When it was dangerous to be open about being gay, the term “friend of Dorothy” was a way for a gay people to identify each other. “Oh, you don’t know Bob? He’s a friend of Dorothy.”

1957 - Jailhouse Rock : Elvis Presley - This is a song about male inmates in prison dancing together. And there’s even a gay crush! Inmate Number Forty-seven said to Number Three “You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see. I sure would be delighted with your company. Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me.”

1963 – You Don’t Own Me : Lesley Gore – This song is all about letting me be who I am and love who I love, stop trying to make me be someone I’m not. Lesley didn’t come out at the time as the music industry was homophobic, she eventually came out as a lesbian in 2005.

1964 - Don’t Rain on my Parade : Barbra Streisand - We do like great big colorful parades, don’t we? This song is about how we’ve got one life so live it with gusto, do the things you most want to do. I’m holding my own parade and nobody is going to rain on it.

1966 - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me : Dusty Springfield - Generations of closeted women & men could identify with the idea that queer love couldn’t last, it was too risky, so they’d take what they can. You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand. You don’t have to stay forever, I will understand. Dusty was a lesbian who didn’t talk about it much at the time in mainstream media for fear of losing her career.

1967 - Respect : Aretha Franklin - Aretha turned this song’s message of demanding respect for oneself into a universal declaration of pride and demand for equal treatment for blacks, for women, for LGBT people. She did things like perform at the Elton John AIDS benefit or a private wedding for a high-profile gay couple.

1969 - Make Your Own Kind of Music : Mama Cass - The message is take pride in your uniqueness and individualism.

1970 – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough : Diana Ross – Love conquers all obstacles if you have enough faith in yourself.

1972 – All the Young Dudes : Mott the Hoople – David Bowie wrote this song’s lyrics and sings on the chorus. The words sound like he’s calling for all the young (gay) dudes to come together. All the young dudes (I want to hear you) Carry the news (I want to see you) Boogaloo dudes (I want to talk to you, all of you) Carry the news (now) And there’s also this lyric that sounds like Lucy is a trans woman or a drag queen, but don’t bully them because Lucy will defend themselves. Lucy looks sweet 'cause he dresses like a queen. But he can kick like a mule, it's a real mean team

1974 - Rebel, Rebel : David Bowie - Part of what made Bowie beloved amongst the queer community is he was celebratory in how he portrayed androgyny and gender non-conformity and he was sexually ambiguous (bi? gay? straight?), while at the same time flaunting sexuality in everyone’s face. He exemplified the message to be yourself, even if you’re queer. This song’s lyrics include “You’ve got your mother in a whirl. She’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl”

1976 - Dancing Queen : ABBA - This is a story of a 17-year-old girl on a nightclub dance floor, lost in the music and the moment. Of course, “queen” has a different meaning in the queer community and so this is often sung tongue-in-cheek. There’s a delightful campiness to ABBA that has long-appealed to gay fans, and gay singers like Erasure, have covered ABBA songs.

1976 - Somebody to Love : Queen - Freddie Mercury, who composed these lyrics, was gay. The question he keeps asking “Can anybody find me somebody to love?” could be about being gay in a society when any sexuality besides ‘hetero’ was frowned upon.

1977 - I Feel Love : Donna Summer - This is a song about loving your body and your desires, a powerful sentiment for people whose attractions were once seen as deviant and who grew up feeling shame for who they are. Try to listen to this song and not feel like dancing.

1978 - Macho Man : Village People - These lusty lyrics worship the muscled physique of the ideal macho man

1978 – I Love the Nightlife : Alicia Bridges – Alicia was out as a lesbian and this song is about going to the club and dancing the night away, which appealed to queer listeners because that’s the space where they would get to unabashedly & joyfully express themselves.

1978 - Got to be Real : Cheryl Lynn - If you stay real, you’ll find “real love,” in other words, be authentic and you’ll find authentic love. The song was prominently featured in the 1990 documentary Paris Is Burning, which chronicles the ball culture of New York City and the African American & Latino gay and transgender community involved in it. There’s something deliciously ironic about Drag Queens strutting to the words about being “real”

1978 - I’m Every Woman : Chaka Khan - This song of female empowerment & strength appealed not only to women but also black and queer communities across the world because it is about taking on whatever roles you want. And it’s a favorite song for drag queens to lip sync & dance to as they can present themselves as “every woman.”

1978 - I Will Survive : Gloria Gaynor - You can imagine marginalized people asking the same questions in the song: “Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?” The gay community has embraced this song that is a declaration of resilience & pride Even after decades of progress, many LGBTQ people still have to deal with daily assaults on their personhood & “I Will Survive” remains relevant.

1978 - Y.M.C.A. : Village People - Very fun song. The lyrics make me think of young gay teens migrating to big cities like New York (often after being kicked out by their parents). The YMCA’s provided cheap shelter for them. And of course, the lyrics hint at all the gay activity, too. “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for you men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys.“

1979 - Don’t Stop Me Now : Queen - Essentially the song is just a man intent on having a wild night out and inviting the rest of us to come along for the ride or else get out of his way. The love interests flip between male & female and back again.

1979 - You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) : Sylvester - The singer is black, gay and some form of gender queer and sings the song in falsetto. He’s singing the praises of someone who makes him feel good, validated and alive. The words about feeling real, those mean something to queer people.

1979 - In the Navy : Village People - The United States Navy asked to use this song in a recruiting campaign, they thought it seemed like a catchy song praising the life of a sailor. They later decided against it when media started criticizing the use of taxpayer funds for a “gay” music group because it would further enhance the much-whispered talk of gay activity aboard ships, what with all these men stuck at sea with no women for long stretches at a time.

1979 - We are Family : Sister Sledge - A message of unity that resonates for queer people as we often have to build a chosen family, and this song fits that.

1979 - Go West : Village People - The song is about an imagined utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. Why “Go West?” In the USA that’s been the direction of freedom and opportunity, and plus San Francisco had become a gay mecca and it was on the West Coast.

1979 - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) : ABBA - A woman is alone in an apartment watching television late at night as the wind howls outside. She says, “Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight.” A sentiment many a gay man could sing along with.

1980 - I’m Coming Out : Diana Ross - Yes, this song is about that kind of “coming out.” The lyrics also are about being your truest self and throwing aside shame’s shackles.

1981 – Elton’s Song : Elton John - A moving piano ballad about a gay teenage boy’s hopeless crush on another boy. The song contains themes of heartbreak and shame. The video is enough to make me cry. This is from before Elton John was publicly out as gay

1981 - Tainted Love : Soft Cell - Having an openly gay man sing this song gave it layers of meaning. The gay experience is not all about empowerment & acceptance. This song coming at the start of the AIDS crisis came to represent some of the fear & paranoia that became part of gay life. “Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you.”

1982 - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me : Culture Club - Boy George had a 6-year relationship with the band’s drummer, Jon Moss. The relationship was kept hidden from the public, and George often felt hurt because he wanted to be open about his love. While the song is about their secret relationship, the video is about being victimized for being gay. It shows Boy George getting kicked out of different places in various historical settings. In the courtroom, the jurors are in blackface to show the bigotry and hypocrisy of the many gay judges & politicians in the UK (most were closeted) who enacted anti-gay legislation.

1982 - It’s Raining Men : The Weather Girls - Super campy song, ridiculous words, but it’s sung fearlessly with over the top vocals that make it so good. What gay boy didn’t wish it was raining men?

1983 - I’m Still Standing : Elton John - These lyrics of showing a strong sense of endurance in the face of adversity is a theme that resonates with the queer community and is exemplified by Elton John, himself.

1983 - Na Na Hey Hey : Bananarama - This remake of the 1969 song by Steam didn’t change the pronouns. This girl group is singing to a woman, asking her to leave her man because “He’ll never love you, the way that I love you”

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A man falls in love with a religious gay man who, because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. If you’re living in a society distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy--embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1983 - I’ll Tumble 4 Ya : Culture Club - A light-hearted song about looking for someone to fall in love with sung by Boy George, the most famous man in drag in the 1980’s.

1983 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun : Cyndi Lauper - This song is about breaking the rules, letting go, being free and being visible. And yeah, lesbians wanna have fun.

1983 - Karma Chameleon : Culture Club - If you’re a person who doesn’t take a stand because you don’t want to offend anyone by being true to who you are, then karma is gonna get you. Boy George was in a relationship with the drummer, who wasn’t out so it had to remain secretive. Their difficult lover-professional relationship was the inspiration for many lyrics in Culture Club songs, including the line, “You’re my lover, not my rival” in “Karma Chameleon.”

1983 - Relax : Frankie goes to Hollywood - At a time when gay sexuality was still mostly illegal and therefore usually portrayed in song & media by way of clever allusions, “Relax” was a song about gay sex—and despite the video being banned by the BBC and MTV—was the biggest pop song in the world. The chorus was about delaying sexual gratification to increase pleasure ("Relax, don't do it when you want to come")

1983 - I Am What I Am : Gloria Gaynor - Gloria has taken this Broadway song and given it a disco/dance vibe. The song is about coming out of the closet and living life authentically.

1984 - I Want to Break Free : Queen - The video is a parody of the U.K. soap opera Coronation Street, which has the entire band in drag, including Freddie Mercury as a housewife while singing lyrics about wanting to break down the boundaries of acceptability. The video was banned in the U.S. 🙄

1984 – Smalltown Boy : Bronski Beat – Wanting to escape the oppressive nature of a small hometown is something many queer kids long for. The song takes the pain of rejection and makes it danceable. What else makes this song notable is it’s from an openly gay group during the peak of the AIDS crisis.

1984 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) : Dead or Alive - The singer is queer and singing a love song, the New Wave music is hot, and this is an iconic classic of the 1980’s

1985 - Lover Come Back to Me : Dead or Alive - The 1980’s synth, the huge hair, and a queer singer telling his lover to come back.

1985 - Living on My Own : Freddie Mercury - This video was too controversial at the time and was banned because it featured drag queens, transvestites, and other questionable people enjoying themselves at a party. The lyrics talk about being lonely & living on my own (which I don’t know if he meant it this way, but it’s a good way to describe how it feels being in the closet), but there’s got to be some good times ahead and the music matches that upbeat hope.

1985 - Sisters are Doin’ It for Themselves : Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin - It’s a feminist anthem that also has appeal as a song of lesbian empowerment

1985 - Somewhere (There’s a Place for Us) : Barbra Streisand - This song from the musical West Side Story is about love that is forbidden by society and dreaming of a place where such love is accepted, a theme queer people certainly understand.

1985 - Thank You for Being a Friend : Cynthia Fee - This song is on the list because it was the theme song for the TV show Golden Girls. When most people think of that show, they think of the 80′s fashions, cheesecake, the one-liners and showed older women as having sex drives. What the LGBTQ community remembers is that it had remarkably progressive outlooks on LGBTQ rights for its time, with nods to the AIDS crisis, coming out and even same-sex marriage. This video shows some Pride highlights from the show.

1985 - Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow : Freddie Mercury - The lyrics are about two lovers who are forced to go their separate ways, we’re not told why, but it’s clear the singer is sad about losing his beloved. This 2019 video is two white blood cells falling in love, only to have heartbreak ensue when one of them gets HIV. This video benefits the HIV/AIDS charity organization the Mercury Phoenix Trust (MPT). MPT was founded by Queen in memory of Freddie

1986 - Nikita : Elton John - Elton John sings of his crush on a person called Nikita, an East German border guard whom he cannot meet because he is not allowed into the country. In the video, the guard is female, but the name Nikita is a male’s name.

1986 - True Colors : Cyndi Lauper - The lyrics are about seeing who someone really is and loving them for it. And it doesn’t hurt that your “true colors are beautiful like a rainbow”

1987 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Whitney Houston - This is popular with the LGBTQ community. We wanna dance with somebody like us, so we go to gay clubs.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong shame and guilt, presumably for being gay. “For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin”

1987 - Faith : George Michael - The song, about declining hookups and patiently waiting for a more meaningful connection, portrays a balancing act with which gay culture has long wrestled. “Well I need someone to hold me but I’ll wait for something more. Yes, I’ve gotta have faith” is just as meaningful today in a culture searching for love while swiping left.

1987 - So Emotional : Whitney Houston - This is a great pop song with lyrics that people can easily see themselves in. Whitney sang a lot of non-gender-specific songs, this being one of them. What we didn’t know at the time is that Whitney’s best gal pal had once been more than that, they cut out the physical part of the relationship when Whitney signed with Arista Records in 1982, but remained best friends, so there may be a reason she preferred to sing love songs without a gender. Also, as if the song isn’t iconic in its own right, I will always think of the epic lip sync performance by the drag queen Sasha Velour when I hear this song.

1987 - Always on my Mind : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of an Elvis song, but they dropped the references to a girl, making the gender of the person they’re singing about ambiguous.

1987 - Father Figure : George Michael - The phrase “Father Figure” represents how someone can take on a paternal role, encouraging & inspiring another person. Many queer men suffer alienation & rejection from their fathers. As one of these men begins to explore emotional intimacy with another man, the singer assures him that he’ll take on the role of loving and mentoring him, help him work through those issues.

1988 - One More Try : George Michael - The singer is calling his new lover “teacher” (maybe because he feels he has a lot to learn about love). He’s hesitant to enter a new relationship because he has been emotionally hurt by a previous one. The song concludes with a willingness for “just one more try.”

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - Singer Andy Bell was one of the first openly gay pop stars to actually sing about queer romance. In this song he’s calling to a lover to not leave and asks the question, “What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?”

1988 - Kissing a Fool : George Michael - George is lamenting the recent lost love of a man "who listened to people who scared [him] to death and from my heart.” The line “strange that you were strong enough to even make a start” suggests that the ex-boyfriend was in the closet or was reluctant because of the baggage & reputation that came with dating a star like George Michael. Under the homophobic scrutiny, the boyfriend was made to “feel a fool.” In the end, George is heartbroken and is the one left feeling “a fool.”

1989 - Express Yourself : Madonna - “Don’t go for second-best” just because he treats you nicely in bed, but then is emotionally distant. Stand up for yourself and what you need in a relationship. So why is this on this Pride playlist? The music video! All those muscular men.

1989 - Part of Your World : Jodi Benson - This song is from Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Ariel rejected traditional marriage partners and wants to marry a human against her father’s wishes. She dreams of being a part of the human world. For a long time the LGBTQ community has wanted to pursue romance & marriage with whom we want in a society where we could belong & be welcomed.

1990 - Vogue : Madonna - “Look around: Everywhere you turn is heartache.” That’s not exactly a fluffy opening for a dance-pop song—and that’s the point. This is still the time of America’s AIDS crisis, and this song is inspired by New York’s gay ball scene. This song wants you to put away the heavy stuff for a little while and get on the dance floor.

1990 – Groove is in the Heart : Deee-Light – A message of love and good times and the singer, Lady Miss Kier, although a woman, has a drag-queen sensibility to her colorful retro style

1990 - Freedom! ‘90 : George Michael - This song is cleverly about 2 things. One is about his career–the breakup of Wham! and then the success of his album Faith, and how he’s tired of being pushed around by his label so he’s taking control of his career and telling people to disregard the pop imagery of his past. It’s also about him wanting to come out of the closet about being gay, “There’s something deep inside of me, there’s someone else I’ve got to be.” It would be almost another ten years before he was publicly out.

1990 - Being Boring : Pet Shop Boys - “When you’re young you find inspiration in anyone who’s ever gone and opened up a closing door,” I believe this is talking about being in the closet and the hope that comes from people who’ve come out. The final verse, “Some are here and some are missing in the 1990’s,” AIDS wiped out much of a generation of gay people in the 1980’s. Now he’s grown up and out of the closet as “the creature I was always meant to be.”

1990 - Gonna Make You Sweat : C+C Music Factory - Fun dance song. In a 1997 episode of the The Simpsons, a steel mill turns into a flamboyant gay club when this song comes over the loudspeaker

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had several times declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was hinting that he is gay. “Consider this, the hint of the century. Consider this, the slip.” It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell”. The song was often interpreted as the struggle of Michael Stipe as a closeted gay man to come to terms with what religion taught about him.

1991 - I’m Too Sexy : Right Said Fred - A fun song about a guy who is full of himself, thinks he is so sexy. Richard Fairbrass, the singer of the group, came out as gay at the time of this song, which made the song seem representative of a certain narcissistic part of gay culture that centers on the gym and muscle worship

1991 - Emotion : Mariah Carey - This song displays Mariah’s crazy vocal range, is upbeat and danceable. Mariah grew up a poor, biracial young woman in the 1970s and 1980s. She had a drive to prove she is “worthy of existing,” and this has resulted in a number of songs about self empowerment, overcoming obstacles, a desire to belong, and all those things are relatable to the LGBT community.

1991 - Finally : Cece Penniston - A dance hit about falling in love. A lot of people, including queer people living in a heteronormative world, wonder if we’ll ever find true love, and can relate to the excitement & relief of the lyrics that “Finally, it has happened to me.” This song was featured in the 1994 movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which was about two drag queens and a trans woman trekking across the Australian Outback in a tour bus they named Priscilla. The show is a positive portrayal of LGBTQ individuals.

1992 - Constant Craving : k.d. lang - She had been a country singer, but came out as gay and released this song. Every lesbian knew exactly what k.d. was craving.

1992 - Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover : Sophie B. Hawkins - The song’s lyrics are written from the perspective of a woman who is observing another woman in an abusive relationship. The singer is having a difficult time seeing her “black and blue” and dreams of rescuing this abused woman and making her happy, taking away her pain, and being physically intimate with her. Hawkins has stated that she is “omnisexual.”

1992 - Take a Chance on Me : Erasure - ABBA had a following among the gay community, and Erasure singing one of their songs helped bring ABBA back into mainstream consciousness again. Plus in the video, two members of Erasure dress in drag playing like they’re the women from ABBA.

1992 - This Used to be my Playground : Madonna - The lyrics are about losing childhood innocence and gaining responsibilities. The song came to be seen as an ode to gay friends who died during the AIDS crisis, and the loss of innocence that epidemic caused.

1992 - The Last Song : Elton John - When he learned that his son was gay, the father had “disowned” him, but upon learning his son was dying from AIDS, overcame his homophobia to spend the final moments with his son. This one makes me cry.

1992 – Deeper and Deeper : Madonna - The song talks about sexual desire, though in the gay community it’s seen as being about a young man coming to terms with being gay. “I can’t help falling in love. I fall deeper and deeper the further I go. Kisses sent from heaven above. They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know”

1992 - Supermodel : RuPaul - RuPaul’s debut single introduced much of America to “sashay/shantay.” RuPaul used this breakthrough hit to become America’s favorite mainstream drag queen.

1993 - Bi : Living Colour - One of the very few songs (that I’m aware of) that celebrates bisexuality. The main line is “everybody loves you when you’re bi”, which is so affirming.

1993 - Somebody to Love : Queen & George Michael - At the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, George Michael sang this song about a man calling out to God, asking why he works so hard but can't find love. At the end of the song, he finds hope and decides he will not accept defeat. Given our smaller numbers and the process we go through to accept ourselves, queer people often work harder to find love. And here is George Michael, who became a gay icon, singing the song fabulously.

1993 - What’s Up - 4 Non Blondes - This was the first Top 40 hit by an openly lesbian group (somehow the Indigo Girls never got higher than #52). The song begins with the singer saying she’s 25 but is feeling discontent and confusion. She cries as a form of relief because she feels a little peculiar. In the morning she steps outside and yells “what’s going on?” She tries in this institution (which many think means the homophobic and sexist aspects of American) and she calls for a revolution. Since 1993, in many ways we have seen a revolution that is overturning many aspects of the homophobic restrictions that had gay people feeling stuck in an institution rather than able to fully be themselves.

1993 - Go West : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of the song by the Village People which imagines a utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. It’s a song of queer community & spirit, and we’ll all do it “Together!”

1993 - Come to my Window : Melissa Etheridge - Melissa came out publicly coming out as a lesbian and then released an album titled “Yes, I Am.” This song from the album is about a secret love. “Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon.” Certainly many gay people know about keeping a love on the down low. The song’s bridge really voices what a lot of queer people feel: “I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say. What do they know about this love, anyway?”

1993 - Hero : Mariah Carey - The song has a message that really speak to LGBTQ people. Inside of every person is the ability to be your own hero. looking to yourself & finding the inner courage to be strong & believe in yourself through the hard ties. ”There's a hero if you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid of what you are.” And it goes on to speak about casting aside your fears and surviving and finding love within yourself. Btw, in 2016 Mariah was honored by GLAAD with the Ally Award, and she gave her definition of LGBTQ--”L: legendary. G: gorgeous. B: beautiful — all of you beautiful people! T: tantalizing, and even Q for quality!"

1994 - Streets of Philadelphia : Bruce Springsteen - Bruce wrote this haunting song for the film Philadelphia, which was about a lawyer who was fired for being gay & having HIV. This song is about a man dying of AIDS. The lyrics begin with him seeing his reflection, but the disease has given him lesions & he’s lost so much weight that he doesn’t even recognize his reflection. “Oh brother, are you gonna leave me wastin’ away on the streets of Philadelphia?” This line is asking how society could turn its back on those who need help the most, even here in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. As he’s walking the streets, he is thinking of friends who had died from AIDS. He can hear the blood pulsing in his veins, and he describes it as black, because HIV/AIDS is an infection of the blood and the disease is (figuratively) black and deadly.

1995 - I Kissed a Girl : Jill Sobule - A song of yearning, confusion, and freedom

1995 - Queer : Garbage - The term “queer” in these lyrics meant odd or different, but Garbage is very open to the queer community and how we use that word.

1996 – Jesus to a Child : George Michael - The melancholy song is a tribute to Michael’s Brazilian lover Anselmo Feleppa. Feleppa died from an AIDS-related brain hemorrhage. The song’s rhythm and harmony is influenced by the Brazilian bossa nova style. Michael would always dedicate the song to Feleppa before performing it live.

1996 - Fastlove : George Michael - A guy was in a committed relationship that didn’t work out and now he just wants to not worry about love. “Had some bad love, so fast love is all that’s on my mind.” But even as he’s saying he’s seeking a casual hookup, keeps saying he misses his baby, being with someone he loves would be his preference.

1996 – Seasons of Love : Cast from the musical Rent - What is the proper way is to measure the value of a year in human life? The most effective way is to “measure in love”. Since four of the lead characters have HIV or AIDS, the song is often associated with World AIDS Day and AIDS awareness month.

1997 - Go the Distance : Michael Bolton- This song from the Disney movie Hercules is about not belonging and declaring that no matter what struggles lie ahead, I’m going to find my place in the world. That's definitely inspiring.

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. The beginning of the song describes Anselmo’s mother, who visits his grave. The first chorus has Anselmo’s mother saying goodbye, telling him “You have been loved.” The ending chorus has Anselmo dying, telling George, “You have been loved.” The line, “If I was weak, forgive me; but I was terrified,” refers to the trauma George felt during Anselmo’s decline in health. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging God. “What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.”

1997 - Come On, Eileen : Save Ferris - This is a remake of the 1982 hit by Dexys Midnight Runners which was about getting a school girl to overcome her Catholic repression and begin a romantic (and possibly sexual) relationship. Only now a woman is singing about Eileen and that makes it a queer song.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes included: “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. “Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me”

1998 - Diva : Dana International - Dana is a transgender woman who won the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest. It was the first major celebration of a trans artist on an international stage. Dana’s representation of her country Israel created a furor among Israel’s Orthodox Jewish community. After her win, she addressed her detractors. “My victory proves God is on my side,” read her statement. “I want to send my critics a message of forgiveness: try to accept me. I am what I am.” She was a beacon that many LGBTQ people in Israel list as their first hope that things could get better, that it is okay to be queer.

1998 - Reflection : Christina Aguilera - This song from the Disney movie Mulan is about how others don’t know the real you, which means the lyrics can fit the experience of being in the closet. “Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me. Every day it’s as if I play a part.” The song also is adopted by a lot of trans people because how they feel on the inside doesn’t match how they look on the outside. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?”

1998 - Believe : Cher - Whatever happens, you’ve gotta believe there’s something better coming. Keep going and loving, because the next love will be better. It’s about strength and power and hope. And the fact that it’s not always easy to be who you are.

1998 - Outside : George Michael - George Michael was entrapped by police committing a lewd act in a public men’s bathroom in Los Angeles under suspicious circumstances. The video mocks the way queer men are held to different standards about sex--many couples were caught getting frisky, but the gay couples are the ones arrested.

1999 - Man! I Feel Like a Woman : Shania Twain - This is about going out, letting down your hair and having a good time. The message is she loves being a woman. “The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun.” My queer friends who identify as women love feeling like a woman.

1999 - There She Goes : Sixpence None the Richer - It’s surprising that a Christian band with a female singer does a song about being attracted to a woman who you just can’t get out of your brain. “There she goes. There she goes again. Racing through my brain. And I just can’t contain this feeling that remains.”

1999 - When She Loved Me : Sarah McLachlan - This is from Toy Story 2, if you remove the idea this is about a toy, the lyrics are about a woman reminiscing a past female love.

2000 - It’s Not Right But It’s Okay (Thunderpuss mix) : Whitney Houston - “I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna be alright” shows a certain defiance & determination to go on, a message that strikes a chord with LGBTQ people

2000 - Stronger : Britney - This is a declaration of independence and self-empowerment. “You might think that I won't make it on my own, but now I'm stronger than yesterday.” Those are lyrics that queer people can embrace. We always can use an empowering dance song.

2001 - Androgyny : Garbage - I think this song has two messages. First, don’t dismiss people who don’t fit traditional gender roles. The other message is about trans individuals who “can’t see the point in going on,” they’re reminded that “nothing in life is set in stone, there’s nothing that can’t be turned around.” Trans individuals who were assigned female at birth may consider themselves “boys in the girls room.” Then when they decide to present themselves as male, others may consider them to be “girls in the men’s room.”

2001 - I Want Love : Elton John - This song is about a man who’s gone through some hard times, lost love, and as a result has built up some scars around his heart, but yet he wants love. Elton was mid-30′s at the time the song was released, which is a time a lot of people look at their life and want someone to settle down with, want a deeper connection with someone they can trust and have a long-lasting relationship.

2002 - Cherry Lips : Garbage - This song is inspired by a fictional trans woman. “Cherry Lips” talks about a boy looking like a girl who makes the whole world want to dance.

2002 - Beautiful : Christina Aguilera - This song affirms those who feel they don’t fit in. The video includes young people with body issues, a goth punk, a person assigned male at birth putting on women’s clothes and two guys kissing in public. “I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down.” But songs can lift you up, and this one does.

2003 – Defying Gravity : Idina Menzel – In this song from the musical Wicked, the character Elphaba sings of how she wants to live without limits, going against the rules that others have set for her. Plenty of queer people can relate.

2003 - Gay Bar : Electric Six - The words are straight forward, “I wanna take you to a gay bar.” The music video is nuts, lead singer Dick Valentine portrays Abraham Lincoln in the White House getting increasingly ready for the gay bar--loses the pants, exercises, takes a bath, wears bdsm leather.

2003- If You Were Gay : Cast from the musical Avenue Q - An irreverent musical using puppets had this song between the characters that resemble Sesame Street’s Bert & Ernie. It’s about how a closeted person may have trouble accepting themselves, even if their friend is affirming. This performance of the song by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus is delightful.

2003 – Me Against the Music : Britney Spears and Madonna - The music video shows Spears and Madonna playing opposites in a nightclub. A cat-and-mouse chase ensues, and Spears finds Madonna in the end, only for the latter to disappear just before they kiss.

2004 - Toxic : Britney Spears - This song is basically a girl addicted to a guy and she’ll do anything to get what she wants, and the taste of his lips is intoxicating. Idk why this became such an anthem in the LGBT community other than in the early 2000′s Britney’s presence in pop culture was dominant, and she was a supporter of the queer community, and each song she put out was more empowering, sexually playful, along with a sense of vulnerability. I think for a lot of bi & lesbian women, Britney played some part in their sexual awakening. Plus there’s a stereotype that gay people walk quickly, that’s because we have Toxic by Britney Spears (143 bpm) playing in our heads.

2004 - Amazing : George Michael - After the painful and sudden death of his beloved Anselmo, George started a new relationship with Kenny. During that time, George’s mom was fighting cancer and Kenny was there for him. To be able to comfort a person in their time of grief and come out of it closer, that’s Amazing

2004 - Proud of Your Boy : Clay Aiken - This song was written for Aladdin and the words make me think of coming out and worrying what your parents are going to think and will they still be “proud of [their] boy”? Clay came out as gay a few years later in 2008.

2005 - Hung Up : Madonna - It’s about living your best life and not wasting anymore time on men who wont call you. And it has that synthesizer riff from ABBA’s Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)

2006 - And I am Telling You : Jennifer Hudson - This song is about an underdog, and being LGBTQ makes us underdogs in our heteronormative society. “And I am telling you that I’m not going.” I’m going to be here and I’m going to thrive, I’m going to be me and you’re going to see me and “You’re Gonna Love Me.”

2007 - Grace Kelly : MIKA - Mika wrote the song after he felt frustrated with record label executives who wanted him to change his sound to be more like another pop singer. Mika wrote “Grace Kelly” to reject pretending be someone else to win approval – in this case the glamorous actress Grace Kelly, or he “could channel a little Freddie” Mercury. Refusing to change who you are to find acceptance is the stuff gay anthems are made of. We love Mika because he’s authentically queer and has no interest in conforming and instead is his flamboyant self

2007 - Billy Brown : MIKA - It was all going according to plan for Billy Brown: he had a wife, two kids and a dog. Then he fell in love with another man.

2007 - Sweet Dreams : MIKA - Mika covers this 1983 Eurythmics’ anthem of resilience. The Eurythmics singer Annie Lennox was seen as something of a gender bender thanks to her buzz cut & men’s suits. This song acknowledges that sometimes life is hard, some people want to use or abuse you, but “hold your head up,” and keep moving on and you’re sure to leave the nightmare for a sweet dream.

2007 - I Don’t Dance : Corbin Bleu & Lucas Grabeel - This song from High School Musical 2 is where Chad, co-president of the drama club, is trying to get Ryan, co-president of the basketball team, to “swing” to the other side, if you know what I mean. The scene in the movie is about playing baseball, and at the end of it, the two of them are sitting together wearing the other’s clothes. Guess Chad got Ryan to swing.

2008 - Talk About Love : MIKA - Super catchy chorus, he’s fallen in love and now all he wants to talk about is his new love.

2008 - Just Dance : Lady Gaga - This is Gaga’s first hit and she tells herself to just dance and everything will be okay. Whatever hard things are going on in our life, sometimes we have to take a break from them, and dance. Lady Gaga performed this at the inaugural NewNowNext Awards, which were broadcast on the Logo network in June 2008. Logo is targeted to the gay community

2008 - I Kissed a Girl : Katy Perry - Katy has a boyfriend, but she kissed a girl and liked it. Don’t pretend you don’t want to run to the nearest drugstore for some new cherry chapstick after listening to this song. This song isn’t about being bi, it’s about experimenting.

2008 - Poker Face : Lady Gaga - “Poker Face” is all about masking your sexuality. During a performance in 2009, Gaga explained that the song dealt with her personal experience with bisexuality. When she’s with a man but fantasizing about a woman, she’s got a “Poker Face” so he won’t know what is going through her mind.

2009 - Cover Girl : RuPaul - The theme song to the RuPaul’s Drag Race TV show which brought Drag performance and culture to the masses.

2009 - You Belong with Me : Taylor Swift - Not 👏 a 👏 single 👏 male 👏 pronoun 👏 in 👏 sight! The singer is pining over her close friend, who is dating a girl who doesn’t really get them. There’s nothing stopping us from reading this as a girl crushing on her gay best friend.

2009 - Bulletproof : La Roux - Everyone was asking if singer Elly Jackson was a lesbian or bi and she was vague in answering. She had a girlfriend but was worried what coming out would mean for her career. She still doesn’t like labels, she feels androgynous but more feminine than masculine, and she doesn’t call herself “gay”, “straight” or “bisexual.” However, she says "if people want to hold me up as a gay role model, absolutely, I’m proud to be that, but I don’t feel the need to say that I’m gay to do it.” The song is about a girl who has been through a lot of bad relationships and hopes that "next time maybe, I'll be bulletproof" meaning she hopes she doesn't get hurt in the next relationship she's in.

2009 - Bad Romance : Lady Gaga - First, it’s gender neutral so any of us can sing without translating pronouns. Second, it’s about loving someone completely, including their “bad” parts, “I want your ugly, i want your disease.” Third, Lady Gaga showed up to the 2010 MTV Music Awards w/ four members of the U.S. military who had been discharged or resigned because of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. When she went on stage to receive the Video of the Year award for “Bad Romance,” Gaga wore the now-infamous “meat dress,” as a way to show her anger about the military’s anti-LGBTQ policy. “If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones.”

2009 - Whataya Want From Me : Adam Lambert - I wonder if this song is referencing when he was figuring out his sexuality with words like “Yeah, it’s plain to see, baby you’re beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak.”

2010 - Cold War : Janelle Monáe - The song starts off saying “being alone's the only way to be. When you step outside, you spend life fighting for your sanity.” The chorus is how this is a cold war and knowing what you’re fighting for. Then there’s a bridge about strengthening the weak and if we unite and have faith in love then the mighty will crumble. This is followed by “I was made to believe there was something wrong with me.” So powerful. Alone we feel weak and need to hide, but united we are strong. Janelle has said this and additional songs about being the “other” can be about being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a black woman.

2010 - If I Had You : Adam Lambert - I love how the beginning sounds like Adam is going out to a gay club “So I got my boots on, got the right amount of leather, and I’m doing me up with a black color liner, and I’m working my strut.” Not the way we usually hear about a guy getting ready for a night out

2010 - Dancing on my Own : Robyn - It’s a break up song. “Somebody said you got a new friend. Does she love you better than I can?” But with a great dance beat like this, it’s a sure bet Robyn won’t be dancing on her own for long.

2010 - All the Lovers : Kylie Minogue - A feel-good dance track about love. The video has people strip down to their underwear, form a pyramid and begin kissing. All sorts of people kissing, very pansexual.

2010 - Mine : Taylor Swift - This is a song about a careless man’s careful daughter going off to college and falling in love with a small town waitress. That’s it. That’s the song.

2010 - Ice Cream Truck : Cazwell - This is something of a guilty pleasure. It’s a cute, simple and upbeat 1980’s-style hip-hop summer anthem that conveys happiness about being gay. I would describe the video as delightfully raunchy, a bunch of shirtless male dancers licking their popsicles (and a couple of butts also make an appearance)

2010 - Raise Your Glass : P!nk - The song is a call to the underdogs of the world, the “loud and nitty-gritty dirty little freaks,” to ignore convention and just let loose. Lyrics like these are so relatable: “So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.” Plus, the video has her singing at a gay wedding.

2010 - We R Who We R : Ke$ha - After a news story that bullying led to multiple suicides of gay youth, Ke$ha wrote this song in hopes that it would become a Pride anthem. The song is intended to inspire people to be themselves, and as a celebration of anyone deemed quirky or eccentric. Kesha was upset people have to hide themselves and pretend to be someone other than who they are in order to be safe.

2010 - Firework : Katy Perry - Everyone is a firework–an ordinary, ugly, or insignificant wrapping but in the right situation, they ignite and show how amazing, extraordinary, and beautiful each of us is. No wonder it’s loved by the queer community, once we come out, others see we’re bright and beautiful. The video features a scene in which two boys passionately kiss. And the lyrics “after the hurricane comes a rainbow” fits because rainbows are tied to the LGBTQ community. Katy Perry dedicated this song to the “It Gets Better” video campaign aimed at gay youth who may feel alone or suicidal.

2010 - Teenage Dream : Glee Cast - This song being sung by one boy for another was a big moment on a big TV show.

2010 - F**kin’ Perfect : P!nk - With all the negative messages we grow up hearing about our gender identity or sexual orientation, it’s so affirming to hear “Don’t you ever ever feel like your less than, less than perfect”

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. “No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive.”

2011 – Mean : Taylor Swift – This is an anti-bullying public service announcement. Even more than others, Queer kids are subject to bullying, so a song addressing the topic resonates. And then there’s a lyric about moving to the big city, which for us can be understood as a place where it’s safe to be gay. “Someday I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever going to be is mean.”

2011 - Americano : Lady Gaga - This song is about the unjust laws that exist in America, particularly regarding immigration and gay rights. The scenario is she falls in love with a girl from East L.A. (heavily Hispanic population) but can’t marry due to the laws prohibiting gay marriage. As to the “I don’t speak your Americano, I don’t speak your language oh no, I don’t speak your Jesus Cristo” I think it’s rejecting the religious rhetoric used to justify the laws.

2011 – Call Me Maybe : Carly Rae Jepsen - The video begins with Carly Rae spying on her attractive neighbor as he is working on his lawn. She tries to get his attention with various provocative poses only for her neighbor to give his phone number to Carly Rae’s male band mate

2011 - We Found Love : Rihanna - Finding love in a hopeless place, for many queer people this can be what it’s like in a heteronormative society, or when we’re in the closet and find someone. Or also that hard transition to accept & love yourself, and then going from that to hoping to find someone.

2011 - Take a Bow : Matt Alber - A beautiful, heartfelt cover of the 1994 Madonna song with just a guitar for accompaniment. With an openly gay man singing the words, it transforms this into a gay love song.

2011 – Titanium : David Guetta feat. Sia – The openly queer singer Sia wrote this song about enduring everything the world throws at you and coming out stronger

2012 - Starships : Nikki Minaj - The lyric "starships are meant to fly," is a line about reaching one's full potential in life. A great song to sing when needing motivation to just go for it and not let other people’s ideas or judgements box you in. Nikki has been an ally to the queer community. On MTV she encouraged her gay fans to be fighters and to be brave, and she canceled a concert in Saudi Arabia to show support for women and LGBT+ people in the country.

2012 – Thinkin About You : Frank Ocean – Just before this song was released, Frank Ocean came out. There haven’t been many hip-hop stars who are openly gay. And it got me wondering who it is he’s been thinking about?

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - I have a nephew who got called gay for wearing stylish clothes, being neat, and interested in art & music. He had a hard time accepting that his uncle (me) is gay because of his experience, and it made me think of this song.

2012 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Matt Alber - A gay man singing the big Whitney Houston hit about wanting to dance with someone.

2012 - Wings : Little Mix - Little Mix is a British girl band well-known for being LGBTQ Allies and including LGBTQ themes in their songs. Wings is about believing in yourself and not letting anyone put you down, a message that resonates with their LGBTQ fans.

2012 - Let’s have a Kiki : Scissor Sisters - A drag performer is heading out to put on a show, but when she arrives at the club it’s been shut down by the police. So she calls up a friend and announces “We’re coming over and having a kiki.”

2012 - Closer : Tegan and Sara - Not many bands are made up of twin lesbian sisters. This song is really cute. The lyrics are about the anticipation before the kiss, before anything gets physical.

2012 - For All : Far East Movement - As the fight for marriage equality was taking place, this group sang “Love is for all. Life is for all. Dreams are for all. Hope is for all. Feel the love from everybody in the crowd now, this is for y’all, this is for all.” The video intersperses some uplifting words from President Obama.

2012 - They Don’t Know About Us : One Direction - People tell a couple they shouldn’t be together and that their love isn’t real. Sound like something a queer couple might hear? In the song, no one can stop them, they’re together for life. Also, people thought this song might have been hinting about Larry Stylinson (Louis & Harry).

2012 – Somebody Loves You : Betty Who - The song keeps saying “somebody loves you,” and that somebody is the person singing the song. Most people discovered this song from a viral video of a gay marriage proposal at a Salt Lake City Home Depot

2013 - Lay Me Down : Sam Smith - A melancholy song with a video to match of a husband being buried and Sam saying to also Lay Me Down. But then Sam reminisces about a happier, more blissful time–their gay wedding that was held at the same church.

2013 - People Like Us : Kelly Clarkson - the song is about all the people who are brave enough to challenge the social norms to bring about change in the world. These words in particular strike me, “this is the life that we choose” and “come out, come out if you dare.”

2013 - Popular Song : MIKA feat. Ariana Grande - This is an imaginative updating of the song “Popular” from the musical Wicked. The lyrics are about how being popular and cool in school isn’t enough, and those who bullied others grow up to not be so popular. In other words, the tables will turn, you’ll need more to be successful than being popular.

2013 - Brave : Sara Bareilles - Sara wrote this song of courage as a love letter to a friend who was struggling as an adult to come out as gay.

2013 - Q.U.E.E.N. : Janelle Monáe - The title is an acronym for Queer, Untouchables, Emigrants, Excommunicated, and Negroid. The song is about the empowerment of oppressed people. Monáe uses a question-answer format to explain stereotypes, misconceptions, and oppression.

2013 - Cameron : Jilette Johnson - The song is inspired by a real life Cameron the singer knew & loved. Cameron is a young gender-non-conforming person who isn’t accepted by their family or society. The singer repeats, over and over, that Cameron isn’t the alien the world thinks they are – “Cameron, you’re a star, a light where there is dark. And you’re a hundred times a woman, a hundred times the man that they are.”

2013 - All Night : Icona Pop - The song is about expressing yourself, and that life gets better and we will find ourselves dancing. The video is about the LGBT house ballroom subculture.

2013 - She Keeps Me Warm : Mary Lambert - A beautiful song about how women can love each other, protect each other and desire each other. And the lyrics “not crying on Sundays,” I think means not believing the damning words preached by religion about being gay

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - This is a ode to worshiping in the bedroom. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2013 - Work Bitch : Britney Spears - The things you want in life are attainable but you gotta focus and work. Britney wrote this song with her gay friends in mind. “I don’t call everyone… that word. I just use it as, it’s like in respect to the gays as a term of endearment.”

2013 - Girls/Girls/Boys : Panic! At the Disco - There is a love triangle between a boy and two girls, and the boy is being played off against a girl for the other girl’s attention. Pansexual rock star Brendon Urie sings “Girls love girls and boys. Love is not a choice.”

2013 - Follow Your Arrow : Kacey Musgraves - “kiss lots of boys – or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into.” It's sad that a one-liner about kissing whoever you like is still controversial in Country music today, but I love her poking holes in that genre’s homophobia.

2013 - Let It Go : Idina Menzel - From the movie Frozen, this song says to abandon the fear and shame, be yourself, be powerful. The lyrics could almost come from an It Gets Better video about embracing who you are. And these lines are how it feels after some time has passed and we look back at our coming out experience: “It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all”

2014 - Sleeping with a Friend : Neon Trees - Glenn Tyler says he was thinking of a straight male friend when he wrote this (but used female pronouns in the song). It’s an unusual love song because it’s a cautionary tale of hooking up with someone you’re close with.

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst - The lyrics are about combating prejudice and the judgement of others in modern society. Conchita won Eurovision singing this song while wearing a gown, makeup and a beard.

2014 – Stay With Me : Sam Smith – One night Sam fell for someone, but they didn't feel the same. Good ol’ unrequited love. Sam used this music video to come out as gay by admitting the person being sung about is a man.

2014 - Sissy that Walk : RuPaul - A perfect walkway song for all those drag queens, and any of the rest of us, who want to strut what we got

2014 - Really Don’t Care : Demi Levato - The video starts off with Lovato expressing her support for the LGBTQ community and saying that “My Jesus loves all.” The music starts and Levato is singing at a Pride parade. Demi said “When I thought of the lyrics ‘really don’t care’, it made me think of bullying, and made me think of the LGBTQ community, who deal with that so often, but they accept themselves.”

2014 - Break Free : Ariana Grande feat. Zedd - Ariana’s older brother is gay and she grew up around his friends, she’s an ally. And the words of this song, “I’m stronger than I’ve been before. This is the part when I break free ’cause I can’t resist it no more” has the theme often found in gay anthems--that things are tough, but I’m tougher and going to make it. Breaking free of what the world wants you to be to become who you truly are has made this song a coming-out anthem.

2014 - Secrets : Mary Lambert - We grow up hiding things about ourselves, we all have secrets, but how much better when we don’t care if the world knows our secrets. “They tell us from the time we’re young to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves inside ourselves. I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I’m over it”

2014 - Feeling Good : George Michael - This is the final song released by George before his death. It expresses a particular kind of joy which comes with liberation from oppression. Nina Simone’s stunning vocal performance of this song in the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement made it a manifesto of that movement’s burning desire for freedom. And then here is George Michael, a gay man, and the song is born again as a desire for the queer community to be liberated from oppression.

2014 - Centuries : Fall Out Boy - Peter Wentz, one of the co-writers of this song, says the idea is a “David vs.Goliath story” meant to empower people who are a little weird. Justin Tranter, another of the co-writers, revealed in 2018 that trans pioneer Marsha P. Johnson was the inspiration for the song. When making the announcement, Tranter said, “I want every LGBTQ person to know that our ideas are mainstream. We have stories to tell and people will f*cking listen”

2014 - Put ‘Em Up : Priory - The song begins with a religious mom saying her trans kid has some kind of sickness. The mom may not be happy, but “we're hangin' with the boys that look like girls tonight” and “we're hangin' with the girls that look like boys alright”. The video features trans & gay people.

2014 - Jessie’s Girl : Mary Lambert - This is a remake of the 1981 hit song by Rick Springfield, but now it’s a woman longing for Jessie’s girl.

2014 - First Time He Kissed a Boy : Kadie Elder - This is about recognizing your sexual orientation at a young age and the difficulties that can follow. Being a teen isn’t easy and the choices teens have to make aren’t easy, but if you are brave enough and stand up for yourself, you might shock others but you might also become happy. It has a gay-positive video that tells the story in a touching way.

2014 - Welcome to New York : Taylor Swift - An insecure girl falls in love with a city where you can want who you want. “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want: boys and boys and girls and girls”

2014 - Little Game : Benny - Many people may know Benny from his YouTube channel. Little Games is about the ways in which rigid concepts of gender still dictate our behavior today. I think the creepy and catchy melody & video are a good match for the lyrics “play our little game"

2015 - All-American Boy : Steve Grand - A Country song that tells the story of a gay young man in love with a straight male friend.

2015 - Don’t Wait : Joey Graceffa - Joey is a well-known YouTube personality and with this song he came out. The song says to not wait for the world to get ready but to go explore and find what you’re looking for. The video is the adorable queer fairy tale we’ve all been waiting for. I love these lyrics, “The darkness can be such a lonely place on your own, I’ll be your compass so you’ll never feel alone.”

2015 - Calling Me : Aquilo - Growing up, we all grapple with who we are and who we want to become. We all go through a period of being unsure of our personality, creativity and perhaps even our sexuality. We have to battle to not be defined by what others think of us, but to believe in ourselves. It’s a battle we’ve all had to fight. In the video, the singer learns to stay strong, keep his head high and accept who he is, even if others can’t.

2015 - Good Guys : MIKA - Mika plays off the 1997 Paula Cole hit “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone” but instead asks “Where have all the gay guys gone?“ Mika shifts “gay guys” to “good guys” and lists his queer heroes who helped him get to where he is, while also looking forward to what the future holds for the LGBTQ community.

2015 - Body was Made : Ezra Furman - Ezra says this “is a protest song against the people and forces that would make me ashamed of my body, my gender and my sexuality.” This song’s message is taking ownership of your own body and identity, and not letting anybody else interfere with that. Furman identifies as trans and bisexual, and uses he/him and she/her pronouns

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - He’s singing about how there’s no place in heaven for gay people. “Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in”

2015 - Girls Like Girls : Hayley Kiyoko - This was Hayley’s unofficial coming out as a lesbian and in this song she sings that “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new” The video has some images of violence as a boy is angry that his girlfriend likes girls, but in the end the lesbians win.

2015 - Cool for the Summer : Demi Levato - She is curious and has a woman she’s gonna spend the summer exploring with. “Got a taste for the cherry and I just need to take a bite.”

2015 – Run Away with Me : Carly Rae Jepson - Carly Rae sings about getting away with someone for the weekend. Whether it’s just that your schedules have kept you busy or you have to keep this secret (“I’ll be your sinner in secret”), it’s very romantic. Oh, and lack of gendered pronouns makes it even more relatable to the queer community.

2015 - Alive : Sia - The song is about someone who had a tough life, but says “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.” It is the personification of resilience and perseverance.

2015 - Youth : Troye Sivan - It’s a really beautiful song about giving the best years of yourself to someone you love. The video features gay couples.

2015 - Genghis Khan : Mike Snow - This video surprised me the first time I saw it. A James Bond-type hero & villain fall for each other.

2016 - Unstoppable : Sia - Instead of just surviving, Sia is going to prove to people that she’s going to succeed. And like her, this song helps us put our armor on so we also feel strong and get through the day and smash through barricades.

2016 - Secret Love Song : Little Mix - Secret Love Song could be heard as being about the struggles faced by LGBTQ people when coming to terms with their sexuality and showing affection in public. I especially like the Secret Love Song, Part II version as the video makes clear the LGBTQ meaning.

2016 – Formation : Beyoncé – At the GLAAAD Media Awards, Beyoncé used the lyrics from this Black-power anthem to advocate for gay rights when she said “LGBTQIA rights are human rights. To choose who you love is your human right. How you identify and see yourself is your human right. Who you make love to and take that ass to Red Lobster is your human right,”

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a surprising gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their sexuality and feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Boyfriend : Tegan and Sara - This song tells the exhausting story of someone you’re basically dating, but they won’t come out in the open and admit it because they’re scared, confused, and insecure about their sexuality. “I don’t wanna be your secret anymore.”

2016 - I Am What I Am : Ginger Minj - This song is from a Broadway show about drag queens. The message is you only get one life so take your shots, whether or not they succeed, it’s better to live your life authentically as who you are. And I love this video featuring Drag Queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

2016 - The Greatest : Sia - Dedicated to the LGBTQ community in the wake of the Pulse shooting, Sia begs us to not give up and to still follow our dreams. The video features 49 dancers, one for each victim of the shooting. The song celebrates the spirit of being defiant and trying to be the best you can be in the face of adversity, which is something the LGBTQ community have managed to do for many decades. Yet despite the uplifting, catchy music and lyrics, there’s also a sense of tragedy about how that spirit and potential came to an abrupt end for the victims of the shooting.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t work out because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven?” Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ protests throughout history.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. “I found myself when I lost my faith” and not being able to “pray the gay away.” The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and I love that because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church, but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittering jacket.

2016 – I Know a Place : MUNA – This is a song of safety & nonviolence, which is important to the LGBTQ community as there’s many times we don’t feel safe being open about who we are and who we love. All three members of MUNA are queer. This song came out around the time of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando which shattered that feeling of safety people thought they had in queer bars, clubs and spaces where we don’t have to hide who we are and should be free to be ourselves.

2016 - Boys Will Be Boys : Benny - The phrase “Boys will be boys” is typically used to excuse toxic masculinity, but this song turns it on its head. Benny wants “boys will be boys” to mean each person is different and doesn’t need to follow specific gender roles. Whatever a boy is, that’s what a boy will be.

2017 - Believer : Imagine Dragons - The adversity you come across in life is what helps you grow to become a “believer” in yourself. "Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain / My life, my love, my drive, it came from / Pain / You made me a, you made me a believer, believer." This song was being written around the time of the election of Donald Trump, and one of the co-writers, Justin Tranter, expressed fear about the future. This song is the result--speak our truth no matter what comes our way.

2017 - You Will Be Found : Ben Platt - This song from Dear Evan Hansen means a lot to me. There’s a gay teen who says this is our song because I found him when he most needed help. But for everyone, this song is hopeful that when you need it, someone will be there for you.

2017 - Symphony : Clean Bandit - As a musician, I really like the imagery of the lyrics--Before all I heard was silence by now with you I’m hearing symphonies, “And now your song is on repeat, and I’m dancin’ on to your heartbeat. And when you’re gone, I feel incomplete.” The video shows a loving queer black couple torn apart by catastrophe and a reminder that music & art are a way for us to deal with grief and celebrate our loved ones.

2017 - 1-800-273-8255 : Logic - This is a song about a closeted guy who is suicidal and calls a help line. The operator wants him to be alive and helps save him in that moment.

2017 - Bad Liar : Selena Gomez - The video portrays a love triangle (with each character played by Selena)–a curious high school student, seductive gym coach and a male teacher. Towards the end of the video, the high school student sings the line, “With my feelings on fire, guess I’m a bad liar,” as she looks at a photo of the gym teacher. It’s a scene that shows the fear & bravery of acknowledging and declaring our sexuality—a moment many queer people know

2017 - Love is Love is Love : LeeAnn Rimes - This song celebrates the LGBTQ community. Rimes said that “A ‘Pride’ celebration is a living thing. It is breathing authenticity. It’s a space we hold for one another, a place to come into what our souls move us to be, it’s a place in love and only love,” adding “That’s why the LGBTQ community continues to inspire me and enliven my spirit every time I perform for them.”

2017 - Swish Swish : Katy Perry - A song about fighting against bullies, “Swish Swish” uses basketball metaphors to talk about overcoming hateful people and thriving. That’s a theme that LGBTQ+ people can identify with.

2017 - If They Only Knew : Alfie Arcuri - The song is of a previous relationship where Arcuri’s ex-partner’s parents didn’t know he was gay. Arcuri explained “We were together for a couple of years and half way through the relationship he came out. The song is almost like a diary entry for me telling his parents how innocent our love and relationship was because to them I was like the devil who turned their son gay. It wasn’t like that at all though, it was a beautiful love.” The video is a short film that shows one guy in the closet and his friend helping him see it’s okay to be gay.

2017 - Power : Little Mix - Willam, Alaska and Courtney Act from RuPaul’s Drag Race are featured in this video. The song is about gender politics in a relationship.

2017 - Cut to the Feeling : Carly Rae Jepson - This is a song about liking someone and wanting to skip past all the awkward introductions and just get to the feelings where they’re being real with each other, dancing together and celebrating love. That already works as a queer song, and then add to it this viral video by Mark Kanemura. When she played at a Pride celebration, Carly Rae had Mark reenact his dance to the song

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - Just because transphobia is common, it doesn’t mean it is right or that you are wrong. There’s a line in the song that hits me hard, “One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life.” And the video is beautiful, very poignant and it breaks my heart and gives me hope.

2017 - Heaven : State of Sound - A remake of the 1984 Bryan Adams song which was a standard love song of a boy and a girl. However, there were no gendered pronouns in the song and State of Sound’s video shows it works just as well for all sorts of queer couples

2017 - Bad at Love : Halsey - Halsey flips through all the guys and girls she’s dated in an attempt to understand why she hasn’t yet found love. Queen of bisexual relatability!

2017 - Feelings : Hayley Kiyoko - This song is about having a crush on someone. The video has Hayley chasing after a girl

2017 - This is Me : Keala Settle - The song from The Greatest Showman sings of resilience in the face of hardship — which, after all, is what Pride is all about. “Another round of bullets hits my skin. Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in”

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing and how he is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in religion for him because he’s gay. And the “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes.

2017 - A Million Dreams : P!nk - this song from The Greatest Showman is about the power of positive thinking, faith and believing in your dreams. For queer people, it’s a reminder that we are building a better world.

2017 - This is Me : Kesha - A great cover of the song from The Greatest Showman.

2018 - My My My! : Troye Sivan - Troye said “'My My My!’ is a song of liberation, freedom, and love. “Throw all inhibition to the wind, be present in your body, love wholeheartedly, move the way you’ve always wanted to, and dance the way you feel”

2018 - Curious : Hayley Kiyoko - “Curious” is a term used in the LGBTQ community to express same-sex experimentation. In the song Hayley uses it to ask, “I’m just curious, is it serious?” Hayley says she wrote the song about a past relationship with a closeted woman, as well as various romantic experiences with women who were unsure about their sexuality

2018 - Perfect : Alex G - This cover of the Ed Sheeran song is beautiful. And because Alex doesn’t change the pronouns, it’s a very sweet lesbian love song.

2018 - Only You : Cheat Codes & Little Mix - A video with a lesbian mermaid? Yes, please!

2018 - Make Me Feel : Janelle Monáe - Sexuality is simply how a person makes you feel, regardless of gender. The music video for ”Make Me Feel” features Janelle crawling between women’s legs and grinding up on both a male and female love interest under bisexual lighting.

2018 - Sanctify : Years & Years - This song is about a relationship the singer had with a straight man. “On the one hand, the guy is struggling with his sexuality and feeling unable to express himself as anything other than straight while also desiring me. I’m on the other side feeling like both a sinner and saint or a devil and angel, leading this guy down a path of ‘sinfulness’ while, at the same time, helping him explore his sexuality.“

2018 - Kiss the Boy : Keiynan Lonsdale - While he doesn’t ascribe to a specific label in terms of his sexuality, Keiynan is openly attracted to both genders – and in Love, Simon, he played the enigmatic Blue, love interest of Simon. The video is adorable & super-inclusive

2018 - Never Been In Love : Will Jay - It’s such a great bop and I have loved Will Jay since his IM5 days, and this seems perfect for my ace/aro friends. “I’m not missing out so don’t ask me again. Thanks for your concern, but here’s the thing, I’ve never been in love and it’s all good”

2018 - PYNK : Janelle Monáe - Monáe says the color pink “unites all of humanity” because it is the color “found in the deepest and darkest nooks and crannies of humans everywhere.” The video finds Monáe and Tessa Thompson (her girlfriend at the time) along with a group of other women dancing in a desert, having a slumber party and sitting out by a pool while expressing appreciation for the vagina, including some iconic pussy pants. Truly a testament to the power of pink.

2018 - High Hopes : Panic! At the Disco - Brendon Urie says the uplifting message of “High Hopes” is “No matter how hard your dreams seem, keep going.” The lyrics say “It's uphill for oddities,” which is how it can feel being queer in a heteronormative world, but “don't give up, it's a little complicated.” It’s complicated but doable. Urie created the Highest Hopes Foundation, an organization that assists nonprofit organizations in human rights efforts across the globe. “I want to join in on the fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. This is dedicated to all people and communities who are subject to discrimination or abuse on the basis of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation and gender identity.” The foundation donated $1 million dollars to Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) to establish Gay-Straight Alliance clubs at high schools across the United States.

2018 - All Things : Betty Who - This is the theme song for the wildly popular Netflix show Queer Eye.

2018 - Dance to This : Troye Sivan (feat. Ariana Grande) - According to Sivan, the song is about “that moment when you feel like you’ve been to enough house parties or events, and staying home, making out in the kitchen and cooking dinner sounds like a much, much better alternative”

2018 – Boys : Lizzo – Lizzo sings a song about all the boys she loves, and plenty of gay boys sing along and cheer when reaching the lyrics “From the playboys to the gay boys. Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys”

2018 - Promises : Calvin Harris, Sam Smith - The music video is a glittery homage to vogueing and drag ballroom culture.

2018 - Bloom : Troye Sivan - Our first mainstream pop song about bottoming. This song is a thinly veiled description of Troye losing his virginity “I bloom, I bloom, just for you.” Or maybe it’s just about flowers.

2018 - No Matter What : Calum Scott - This is a lovely song about a son coming out to his mom and her responding that she loves him no matter what. “I just want you to be happy and always be who you are.” She wrapped her arms around me, said, "Don’t try to be what you’re not ‘cause I love you no matter what”

2018 - Old Town Road : Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Lil Nas had the biggest hit song ever and came out as gay, and now his choice in cowboy apparel makes sense

2019 - Juice : Lizzo - Lizzo’s message of radical self-love that celebrates the beauty of being different has earned her a huge queer following. Her work is inspired by the difficulty she felt growing up in a world that told her that she did not fit in. She now spreads a message of acceptance and love. “Juice,” is upbeat and fun, full of confidence-boosting lyrics. She made a video for “Juice,” featuring Drag Race alumni.

2019 - Rainbow : Kacey Musgrave - The song is about hope that the bad times will one day be over. Musgraves hopes it will serve as an anthem for those facing adversity, particularly in the LGBTQ community. “I feel a kinship and a friendship with that community. They really opened my eyes up to a lot of different things that I wasn’t aware of growing up in a small town in Texas. I will always be an ally and a strong supporter. ‘Rainbow’ is something that I can dedicate to that community, but also to anyone who has any kind of a weight on their shoulders."

2019 - ME! : Taylor Swift (feat. Brandon Urie) - This is a campy, bubbly song about embracing one’s individuality. "I’m the only one of me and that’s the fun of me.”

2019 - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels : Todrick Hall - A fun song and video about being who you are and using that to strut and slay

2019 - Love Yourself : Sufjan Stevens - The lyrics are asking us to love ourselves and to show the reasons we believe in ourselves. I especially like this imagery “Make a shelf. Put all the things on that you believe in.” This song was specifically released for Pride month.

2019 - You Need to Calm Down : Taylor Swift - an entire verse that’s literally about going to a Pride parade. The video features a large number of celebrity cameos, many of whom are LGBTQ, including Queer Eye's Fab Five, figure skater Adam Rippon, singer Adam Lambert, television personality Ellen DeGeneres, entertainers Billy Porter and RuPaul, and numerous Drag Queens from RuPaul's Drag Race who in the video impersonate famous women.

2019 - Higher Love : Kygo & Whitney Houston - Whitney recorded a cover of the Steve Winwood song “Higher Love,” but only released it in Japan. The Houston estate selected the DJ Kygo to remix Whitney’s version of the song. Kygo embued it with all the EDM sounds you’d expect from a 2019 dance song and debuted the song at Pride in New York City

2019 - American Boy : Years & Years - A cover of the Kanye & Estelle song, sung by Olly Alexander, a gay man, who is the lead singer for the band Years & Years. With Olly singing, this makes the song about one guy crushing on another guy

2019 - Tiny Love : MIKA - Mika said that he wanted to capture the idea that love can feel enormous, "yet at the same time it’s so tiny and imperceivable to others.” True love is not “a sunrise over canyons shaped like hearts,” or “bursting into song in Central Park.” Rather, it’s “a ‘still-there-Monday-morning’ kind of love.”

2019 - I Rise : Madonna - This song was made specifically to honor the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, and to inspire marginalized people to stand up and fight. It is about resilience, of surviving and rising up from adversity. The video includes footage of Parkland H.S. shooting survivors, LGBTQ supporters, women’s rights protesters, Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s testimony about sexual abuse and other social justice movements

2019 - I Feel Love : Sam Smith - Sam remakes the 1977 classic from Donna Summer, a song about loving your body and your desires. The high notes on this song are so exciting

2019 - Show Yourself : Idina Menzel, Evan Rachel Wood - This song from Frozen 2 is about Elsa being ready to be vulnerable and bare her soul. This song has been adopted by the queer community as a coming out anthem.

2019 - Believe : Adam Lambert - A remake of the 1998 song by Cher that is embraced by many LGBTQ people, and it’s absolutely gorgeous

2020 - I’m Ready (with Demi Lovato) : Sam Smith - The song is about being ready for a new love. The video is basically the Glam Olympics

#PRIDE playlist

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