#but gawd damned he does not even know your hero name

[eosphoria]

What if Izuku is now back to wanting the exact right words to be said to him after losing his quirk ?

But dear, how can someone read your mind? We lack your own introspection, how are you coping after losing those 7 different voices that were present in your head? Are you even capable to hear your own internal voice or did you repress it fully?

Each one of his closest ones is going through trauma after the war, so who is he going to reach out? Would mother understand or would he not want to worry her even more?

All might would certainly understand the journey of a hero, but all of this happened due to the power all might gave to him. Which was a blessing, but also the glimpse of something he thought he would never have, so... he should only be grateful about All mights gift to him, right?

So who is going to be able to say the right thing to him to make him open up?

Who's not gonna put up with his bullshit and see right through him? Who has been worried about this damn cursed power and destroyed the moment he knew it was gone?

Is izuku even going to reach out to someone? Or will bakugo have to carry the entire plot line yet again pLEASE IM BEGGING, BAKUGO IS WORKING OVERTIME

[knowlessman]

it finally crossed my mind to watch this at the magic hour of fifteen minutes past midnight again so here we go (bnha s6e1-6)

oh yeah, libertaria happened; Mosquito from Soul Eater got his entire city's ass handed to him by pajama sam. and I think hawks fucking killed best jeanist to keep his double agent cover intact. I forget whether Endeavor is in the hospital atm or what, if I didn't know any better I'd swear the bit with the smart nomu was two entire seasons ago -- OH FUCK, AND SLENDERVOID TURNED OUT TO BE AN OLD STUDENT FROM UA. there was a whole thing with him and eraser head and present mic

oh boy, and Chapped Komaeda's quirk leveled up too apparently

new OP to go with the new season? I thought this didn't happen with anime. …I miss Carousel 'XD

oh yeah, and Twice unlocked the ability to use his power on himself freely too.

ah, we're finally learning more about Robotnik

"of course, he does have a quirk, it just wasn't in the records" dangit, show keeps dodging opportunities to have quirkless characters in important roles (and have them, y'know, stay quirkless). I don't know for a fact that the detective guy doesn't have one, but assuming he doesn't, he's like the only one. Hell, even that quirkless-centered faction in that movie had no quirkless members who even had faces, much less names; cept maybe that one nameless police chief guy

(outro showing deku and tomura standing across from each other) gawd I hope these two don't get to have a conversation, deku's gonna piss me off so bad

oh no, she killed the ugly platypus

… no yeah I officially miss Carousel. I should go find the other intros and listen to them again, I'm sure there must've been at least one that I liked more than Carousel and just didn't remember the name of (speaking of which, I'm like 50/50 on whether it's Carousel or Merry-Go-Round)

"in all, we only have five High End nomus, including Woman" really? …is her quirk having hair

Mirko goes pretty damn hard, huh

heh. Pichu has Lightning Rod, then. Kinda doubt this means he's worked past that recoil tho. (misc, ngl that amplivolt guy is kinda hot. lights his cigarette with his sparks. not quite the absolute legend that Dilf Legoshi (Chimera from the second movie) is, but still, not bad)

'XD poor Twice is just racking up the L's when it comes to introducing new friends

"Dark Shadow! Ragnarok!" pfft, calling him by his government name now, eh? 'XD

…wait hawks is a fucking child soldier? what the fuck

"no! mewtwo's not ready yet! he can't be taken out of the machine until it beeps!"

danganronpa 4's looking legit

you're not gonna get very far in tetris with a setup like this, not unless you've got some ungodly T-spins

you had ONE JOB, dollar-tree cyclops. one job. "take care of shigaraki." your dumb ass didn't even take him out of the goop, you just HAD to shoot the bad guy machine with your dinky eye laser before doing anything else so it'd spark up and defibrillate him, even though that probably shouldn't have done anything because HIS HEART WAS ALREADY STOPPED

-- (defibrillators don't start your heart, they force it to stop so that your body freaks out and starts over trying to pump it in a proper rhythm. or something like that anyway, lol I got a D in survey of anatomy and learned from tv tropes that writers have been repeating misinformation about zappy shock pads for ages)

(cyclops got jean-gray'd, probably, I don't know x-men) yooo, tomura takin this dipshit's cape and making it his new wardrobe like Liliana taking that angel's hairpiece, I dig it -- or xykon taking that one guy's crown ig. …okay not that xykon isn't a cool villain but I think I just stopped being impressed by this trope

o_o tokoyami you're even weaker to fire than hawks is (probably), the fuck you think you're doing here? -- "this hero friend of yours killed an enemy" okay here's a take: hawks's subplot and entire deal, even his backstory, is in the wrong genre. that's kind of it. spies do this shit, and even kill their own allies, all the time in intrigue stories. it doesn't stop it from being dark af, but their genre is all about necessary evils (albeit, those evils are often only "necessary" for the purposes of their countries', or worse, governments', interests). this is a kids' show. …fine, a teenagers' show. this isn't where those themes generally show up. -- "those pros you admire so much play dirtier than guys like me" also dabi is talking out of his ass here but I feel like that's pretty obvious, he's just trying to demoralize tokoyami and company

'''XD fuckin A! a shitload of ice explodes out and knocks toko and hawks free of dabi, and it wasn't todoroki??? it was just some named rando villain with ice powers? I think I vaguely remember him from when pajama boy took over, but I could swear I recall him getting completely thrashed last time -- "I know you did what was right, hawks!" aw 'XD you kinda can't avoid meeting your heroes in this show. such a shame

oh dammit, and now bigfoot's woken up -- OH TOMURA'S HIS MASTER NOW? FUCK 'XD

just realized something. I don't think we've seen deku yet this whole five episodes. …oh wait, no yeah he and the others showed up way at the beginning, they're in the back ranks and out of the fighting. …author get bored of them? 'XD -- oh, speak of the devils

oh shit, the avatar spirits are sensing whatshisfuck waking up. …there was raava, I think, was the blue one. the hell was the red one called? think it also might've started with an R. ryukyu? probably not. rakdos, idfk 'XD

ayyyup. boomboom levels are approaching the lower end of the DBZ scale

okay this OP is wayyy too chill and upbeat for this arc 'XD

(toga's on the move) spah stabbin mah heroes

"it's like I've had them since I was born" ayyyyup, papa's got a brand new bag of tricks to back up his signature moves

"where are you going?" deku: "uh, I forgot something!" yeah sure, you left the stove on in the hospital that looks like piccolo threw a tantrum on it -- "following you? what, you think you're the main character now?" …gawd bakugo is annoying. catch up, mr verbal-abuse-is-my-only-language -- "you're the bait" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA get dusted, ya swaglesss vegeta knockoff

0_0 RYUKYU'S DEAD HE TOUCHED HER. …oh wait, hat n clogs is on the scene. it's a fight. hot damn, but what tricks are chapped komaeda packing now that hat n clogs can't turn off? -- …(finally looks up the bleach character I keep associating aizawa with) …wait this guy's blond. he doesn't even have black hair. …why do I think Aizawa looks like him? even their personalities are completely different, so it's not that

gran torino: "bakugo knows about one for all, right?" yeah, I don't know why they trust him with it either

…goddammit, that was six episodes, I don't WANNA keep going, I should try to sleep! 'XD eh, I'll try to make that gif and post these later (there was a split second where I'm pretty sure an indistinct figure during one of the crowd fighting shots was breakdancing, but fuck it nvm)

[marvelousbirthdays]

Happy Birthday, angelwingz1983

May 9-Continuation of the Marvel Birthday from 09 May last year, staying with TaserBones using the fact Brock asked Darcy on a first date, which ends up being an impromptu mission (trouble finds them, they deal with it). Prompts can be "I think...everyone deserves a chance to proves themselves"; "I can't help that I'm curious"; "Look, I don't want to swear but, What the frick!"; "That's an order. Obey" and "Next problem, we might die." for @angelwingz1983

Continued from https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529231/chapters/33730062

Written by @ozhawkauthor

“So, what would you like for dinner?” Brock asked as they headed down to street level in the elevator.

Darcy considered. “Not sushi,” she said. “I do like it, but I had plenty in Japan.”

“This is New York,” he pointed out. “You can have any kind of cuisine you want.”

“Well, you’ve been living here. What do you recommend?”

“Anywhere with an all-you-can-eat buffet,” he said, deadpan. “Gotta keep that supersoldier metabolism stoked.”

Darcy looked at him uncertainly, not sure whether or not he was joking until he grinned. “It’s okay, Darcy. Unless I’m actually been doing major exertion, I don’t eat any more than your regular Joe with a healthy appetite. There’s a really good Spanish tapas place I know in the Village, how does that sound?”

“Delicious,” she admitted. “How will we get there?”

“By the time we reach the Tower doors, I’ve no doubt the ever-efficient FRIDAY will have a Lyft waiting for us. Isn’t that right, FRIDAY?”

The elevator pinged, the doors slid open smoothly, and FRIDAY said in a voice Darcy could have sworn was almost flirtatious “Of course, Mr Rumlow. Have a nice evening.”

“Even the AI’s got a crush on you.” Darcy shook her head as they exited the building. “What chance have I got?”

Brock held the car door open for her to get in. “None, I hope.” He flashed that wicked, panty-melting grin at her before closing the door and moving around the car to get in on the other side.

“None whatsoever,” Darcy muttered while he was outside the car. “I’m so screwed.”

“Wish I was. Hot damn.” The Lyft driver met her eyes in the mirror. “That guy’s a stud.”

Darcy was still snickering when Brock got into the car, though she shook her head when he asked her what was so funny. He didn’t press. Just smiled and placed his hand down on the car seat in between them, palm up, fingers lightly curled.

It only took a moment for Darcy to decide to accept the unspoken invitation. His hand was very warm, she quickly discovered, the enormous strength in his fingers evident but leashed as they curled gently around hers.

For once, Darcy was disappointed the traffic was light and the drive to the Village didn’t take long. Her hand felt cold once Brock let it go, but he took it again as they walked into the restaurant, and she edged closer to him instinctively.

A sudden, shockingly loud noise behind them made Brock whirl, putting himself instinctively between Darcy and danger.

“Look, I don’t want to swear, but what the frick?” Darcy said.

Brock could think of a lot of real swear words as he watched the enormous blue gorilla stalking up the street towards them, swiping around it with arms which had to be at least twenty feet long, flinging cars out of its way with casual ease as it came. He didn’t waste his breath on any of them, though. Instead, he turned to Darcy and said;

“Call FRIDAY and get everyone here, now.”

“What will you do?” Darcy asked, but she was talking to empty air. Brock had whirled on his heel and was sprinting down the street towards the gorilla, moving quite a lot faster than any enhanced human could possibly hope to - and without anything even resembling a weapon in his hands.

“Oh, I see,” Darcy said. “Being a goddamn hero.”

She had to take a deep breath and dash an inexplicable tear from her eye before she could pull her phone out. Around her, everyone already had theirs up, filming the action and excitedly asking each other if they knew who ‘that guy’ was who’d just scaled a lamppost, snapped the top of it off and leaped to the gorilla’s shoulder before stabbing it in the neck with the broken piece of metal.

“War Machine and the Scarlet Witch are already en route, Miss Lewis, and should be at your location in less than a minute,” FRIDAY said calmly as soon as the line connected. “I have also contacted Dr. Strange who will be with you momentarily.”

Darcy winced as the gorilla threw Brock across the street, sending him through a plate-glass window with a terrible crashing of glass before beating its chest and roaring with rage. “Thanks, FRIDAY,” she said absently. “Oh, God, please be alright, Brock,” she whispered, holding her breath until he emerged from the shattered window at a run.

“Yeah, you go, dude!” a guy next to her shouted as Brock charged straight back into the fight.

“Hot damn, who is that guy?” everyone was asking each other. War Machine came screaming down the street past them, pulling upright just out of range of the gorilla’s flailing arms.

Wanda leaped down gracefully, red light blazing around her hands, and called out “Get down, Bones!”

Brock let go of the ear he’d been attempting to stab his lamppost stub into - it was keeping the gorilla’s attention on him, rather than doing any more damage to the area - and leaped, tucking and rolling before he hit the ground.

“Jeez, he must have just dropped fifty feet,” a girl behind Darcy marvelled.

“Did she call him Bones? That must be Crossbones! Quick, he’s not wearing his mask, get a shot of his face!”

“Oh my gawd, he’s hot as fuck.”

“He’s coming this way!”

Wanda had pulled some sort of mind whammy on the gigantic blue gorilla, which was now sitting down in the middle of the street rocking back and forth and… crooning? Darcy shook her head, turning her attention back to Brock, who looked remarkably uninjured for someone who’d just fought a clearly unnatural being to a standstill while waiting for reinforcements.

“Crossbones?” someone yelled, and Brock’s confident stride stuttered for a moment. He looked at Darcy, who shook her head, letting him know she hadn’t told anyone.

“Sometimes,” he said.

“What’s your real name?” Everyone was pressing closer with their phones, trying to get a good look at him.

“Now that would be telling. ‘Scuse me. Hey, beautiful.”

The girl next to Darcy jumped forward eagerly, a big smile on her pretty face. Brock looked at her blankly.

“Sorry, not you.”

“What? Why?” the girl scowled, obviously not used to being passed over. She was a stunner, Darcy acknowledged, tall, blonde and model-thin, probably an actual model considering her clothes. She’d look great on Brock’s arm.

“Because I already have a date, and you’re standing in front of her.”

The girl turned to look Darcy up and down with obvious disbelief, gaze snagging on her overlarge, chunky sweater with the frayed hem, leggings which were pouched out slightly at the knees and purple Doc Martens which she’d had since she started college. “Her?”

Brock looked offended at the girl’s disbelieving tone. “Yes, her,” he said repressively, walked around the blonde when she didn’t seem inclined to get out of the way, and offered Darcy his hand. “I’m sorry about all… this,” he gestured helplessly around them.

“It’s okay.” Darcy took his hand, ignoring the phones pointed in their direction, the people pressing close, calling questions to both of them. “Can we get out of here?”

“Probably a good idea,” Brock agreed. A golden portal spun into life between them and the gorilla, who was now petting Wanda’s hair, and he led Darcy towards it quickly. “Hey, Wong. Mind if we take a shortcut?”

“Go for it,” Wong agreed, and a moment later they were standing in the quiet of the Sanctum, the portal winking out behind them, leaving them alone, staring at each other.

“So I really hope this isn’t a bad omen or anything,” Brock started, “and you’ll be willing to maybe try again for a first date oof.”

His attempts at an apology were cut off as Darcy flung her arms around his neck and mashed her lips against his.

“That,” she panted between kisses, “was the bravest, stupidest, most heroic, most idiotic thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Mixed messages,” Brock noted, but he wrapped his arms around her and returned her kisses with interest.

A polite cough broke them apart a couple of minutes later, and they both looked around to see Doctor Strange standing watching them.

“Could I possibly offer you a room?” he suggested politely.

“A shortcut back to mine would be even better,” Darcy said, and he gave her a respectful little tip of his head.

“Of course, Miss Lewis.”

She wasted no time leading Brock towards her bedroom as they stepped through the portal, which Dr. Strange had tactfully opened in the living room. She should have told him to go straight to the bedroom, Darcy mused, as she tugged her sweater up and over her head.

“You sure?” Brock was already dragging off his own jacket, tearing his T-shirt clean off in a way which made Darcy feel weak(er) with lust. “Don’t you want to eat, first?”

“We’ll order dinner in later. Much later.”

“Sounds good to me!”

“Shut up and kiss me again,” she ordered, and Brock lost no time in obeying her instructions before they toppled to the bed together, tangled in each others’ arms.

[moonraccoon-exe]

COONIE! My cousin is giving me a late birthday present tomorrow: he's taking me to the rental office of my apartment complex to write them a freaking $600 check to pay the pet deposit so I can get a cat! I already know what I'm getting, too. There's one at the local shelter that looks just like the stray Noctis feeds at Galdin Quay and Cape Caem. I'm going to name her Coctura! Living alone will feel a lot better with a pet I think. -Breakfast Girl

BG BUDDY

*TACKLES*

YOU WONDERFUL CREATURE I’VE MISSED YOU HEWWO I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN MY ASK AKLSDJF KLGJDAFKLSDJSAKL FJKLDAJ *stays hugged to your head* ♡

*GASPS*

A KITTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*EXPLODES*

KITTIES ARE SO GOOD

KITTIES ARE SO NICE

THEY SO FLUFFY AND WARM AND SO ADORBS AND SO SMOL AND SO CUTE SQUISHY MISHY SQUEAK PEEK RABADABD MAH CHON

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *UNCONTROLLABLY ROLLING ON THE GROUND WHILE SCREAMING*

HOW HORRIBLY, TERRIBLY, IMMENSELY NICE AND KIND AND GOOD AND PRECIOUS OF YOUR COUSIN, THAT HAS TO BE ONE OF THE GODDAMN BEST GIFTS TO HAVE EVER *DeEp brEaTh* OoOOoOOoOoh mY GAWD I AM SO EXCITED, MY HEART IS GONNA BURST OUT OF MY RIBCAGE AND RUN AWAY HNGNHNGH GHNFNG 

I didn’t know you had to pay to have permission to have a pet!! That sounds so mean aah :’D But we shan’t worry about that anymore, Good Boy Cousin (aka A HERO) is gonna make that a thing of the past!! HOORAY FOR KITTIES AND PRECIOUS PETS AND WONDERFUL COUSINS LIKE YOURS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *EXPLODES AGAIN*

ohmygoD YOU ALREADY KNOW WHICH KITTY YOU’RE GONNA GET AND THIS-

OH MY GAWD BREAKFAST GIRL I’M-

*clutches chest and tries to not combust*

This is one of the most WHOLESOME personal asks I’ve received, aah. It’s so full of love and positive things and good things and HOW DARE YOU FILL MY HEART LIKE THIS, IT’S SO FULL IT’S GOING TO BURST INTO PIECES AND I HAVE NO GLUE THAT CAN HOLD IT TOGETHER, I’M DOING TO- FLOOD IN EMOTIONS AND DROWN IN MY OWN FEELINGS OH AHDSJFHG JFAK HJSDHAF HKJAHSKDJF

Precious cousin giving you the best damn gift EVAH. Like, it’s money-related, sure, but it’s more than just money. He’s giving you the key to share your home with a wonderful tiny partner of your own :’(  Precious kitty from a shelter. Yes yes yes and a million times YES to adopting ;A; And it’s a kitty that looks like the one from FFXV, AND you’re naming it Coctura, AND you’re getting to have a precious darling buddy with you and I’m….????? ¿¿¿¿¿ 

I AM SO HORRIBLY HAPPY AND MY HEART FEELS SO FULL YOU HAVE NO IDEA ;___________;

You’re naming the kitty Coctura….I’ve- I couldn’t have ever thought of a cuter choice oh my god (ﾉД`) Dear Coctura is, after all, the first to prepare a meal for the pretty kitty. Not many of us would think of a minor side character to name our pets, so it’s super nice of you to do that!! Aaaah, little fella Coctura the kitty that looks like the stray from XV. That sounds so good awman, THIS IS SO COOL AND SO WHOLESOME AND I’M SO HAPPY ;A;

You’re wrong about the last statement. “Living alone will feel a lot better with a pet”. I mean, the intention itself is true, but you said it wrong! Living alone won’t be better because you won’t be living alone :3 

You’re going to have a nice buddy with you. Both living under the same roof, both eat there, both sleep there, and both get comfy there, so that’s home! A family can be a hooman and a pet, why not? It’s two living creatures that love each other. So nope; you’re not going to live alone with a pet, buddy, you’re going to live with your pet ♡

*LOUD GASP* BUDDY, 2018 IS TREATING YOU SO WELL, SO MUCH LIKE YOU DESERVE OH MY /gAWD/ ;________; You’re becoming healthier, happier, you’re loving yourself, and now you get to share your home with a pet partner!! Buddy, I’m a bit overwhelmed because your life is going so good recently and I’m SO ABSURDLY HAPPY FOR YOU, it makes a knot in my throat and I AM JUST- MY HEART IS SO FULL AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MY FEELINGS KASLJDFLKG JALSKJDK

Living with Coctura is going to be an absolute BLAST and some of the best years of your life, I can see it! A pet always makes home happier and a bit more like “home”. I’ve never had a cat, so I couldn’t tell you how they make you happy, but it’s a precious animal anyway, and all animals do the same thing; when you give them one pebble of love, they give you back a whole mountain. In their own way, of course, but they do! And where there’s love, even if it’s from a pet (even more if it’s from a pet, I’d dare say!), there’s life and company and usually joy. 

Aah.... ;u;

BUDDY. 

I raise my glass for you and wish you the GREATEST and best of success with Coctura, your future home buddy! I hope everything goes well with your cousin, at the shelter, and bringing the pretty kitty home. And from then on, it just starts!

I wish for you and your kitty to always be together, and love each other, and have fun times together. I wish for you both to be healthy and to not have many quarrels about who does laundry and who was the idiot that left paws printed on the floor

BUDDY, thank you SO, so so sosososo sojsfosodfkjoaosdjs SO immensely much for dropping by with this absolutely wholesome, beautiful ask!! This has had me smiling all day long and I’ll probably be thinking about it for the next couple days, goddammit, this makes me so happy and it’s so cute and so dear aaaah!!! 

Do give one of the TIGHTEST, WARMIEST, FLUFFIEST HUGS TO THAT HERO THAT IS YOUR COUSIN, THAT WONDERFUL THING, I’LL KISS HIS FACE FROM THE DISTANCE SO IF HE FEELS A SMACK ON HIS FACE THAT’S ME.

What a gift, buddy! WHAT A GIFT!! It’s a compromise, yes, but you’re more than mature enough to handle it just fine. So while it’s a compromise, it’s also a cute blessing. Nothing can compare to something like a companion, and nothing can compare to the love a pet feels for its owner! ♡

I’m so happy for you, buddy, SO HAPPY, you have no idea aaaaaah!!! 

May everything go okay, buddy! See, how things always work out and get better in the end? Hahaha!! This is wonderful!

Thank you once more for dropping by to share this with me, I feel so honored and so happy for you!!

Do tell me when the pretty kitty is home, right? I AM SO EXCITED (o´▽`o)

Thank you, thank you,, thank you, buddy, for everything! 

I hope you’re having a MOST BEAUTIFUL day or night, BG buddy! Lots of magical, happy raccoonie vibes for you!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ

[aceandsparrow]

Survivor 36: Ghost Island Premiere

[S] This legit has to be one of the dumbest themes in Survivor history…

[A] No jumping off the ship/gathering materials to start? What is this? What is going on?!

[A] Orange Tribe first impressions: (1) That girl’s tights are straight out of the 80s and hurt my eyes; (2) Blonde girl in the Coachella outfit will be Sparrow’s crush; (3) Token African American woman is probably a lawyer; (4) That dude’s fro… [S] WTF is a “Coachella?”

[A] Never volunteer. You put the target on your back. You all should know this after 35 seasons.

[A] Purple Tribe first impressions: (1) Big bro with the gaudy gold cross necklace will be a douche and likely a model/athlete; (2) Girl in purple cardigan is probably friends with goat yoga from AR; (3) Token African American woman is probably from LA; (4) Guy with glasses will reference Cochran as his inspiration; (5) Guy in blue/white polo with have a unique name (like Fabio) and be youngest on the tribe; (6) Track jacket is probably from NY or NJ and will be like Tony and Tony v.2 - he will try to intentionally cause chaos.

[A] Pick the most physical: picks dudes. Pick the best at puzzles: picks girls. Fuck you guys.

[A] Damn, Survivor is really stirring up the drama right from the start.

[S] Is the too little rice to make them relive Australia losing all their rice? [A] Was it Australia where they resorted to eating rats?

[A] I’m going to bet Chris (purple) forfeits. He looks too anxious.

[S] “I hope she knows how to do slide puzzles!” BRILLIANT ANALYSIS BY THE PEANUT GALLERY!

[A] HOLY SHIT I WAS RIGHT. [S] Chris made the right choice. Domenick is wrong.

[S] Donathan? Like Jonathan and Donald? [A] Donathan (really? okay…) I can’t listen to you…please stop talking. Your voice is grating AND your backwater upbringing is showing. DID YOU REALLY JUST CALL HIM EXOTIC?!

[S] I strongly hope Domenick goes home quickly.

[S] “We’re like best friends in a candy shop.” Well that’s an analogy.

[S] LOL Jacob. [A] “I don’t want to be the suspicious dude” says the dude who asks his tribe if they think there is an idol and then immediately goes off adventuring. [S] If Jacob was convinced someone like him would be the first to get voted out, why did he go on Survivor at all? [A] Jacob, oh god, please stop. You are going to poison everyone. [S] LOL Jacob is insane.

[A] STOP WITH THE GODDAMN SPIDERS. [S] I thought, “spiders are better than snakes” and then they showed ants swarming a tarantula…

[S] Did he finish UPenn law? Cause I’d hate to have to pay off law school student loans on a furniture designer’s pay. [A] Oh gawd. That’d be hell.

[A] Is it just me or does the logo look like Hydra?

[S] And Jacob is going home…Oh wait, unless he goes to ghost island. Send him, he’s the weak link. [A] Bye Jacob. Smart move since you were totally who they’d vote out.

[S] It will be interesting to see if Jacob was right and they send Don (I’m calling him Don) home.

[A] Jacob, you need the power/advantage. Your one vote will not save you. [S] You gamble 100%. I wonder if there were keys in both bamboos.

[S] Oh God, this whole season is gonna be clip episodes.

[A] Oh he has to will it to someone on the other tribe? This feels less like the legacy advantage and more like the thing from last season that Ryan gifted to Chrissy.

[S] Have they even said the blonde girl on orange tribe’s name? And what is the deal with the shorts? Are those a Coachella? [A] Sparrow, your age is showing :P

[A] I cannot take the name “Donathan” seriously.

[S] STOP WITH THE FUCKING WHISPERING AT TRIBAL! I want a rule that says this isn’t allowed. [A] I second this rule.

[S] Send Gonzales home please. No more paranoid tribal whispering.

[S] Buh-bye. Also, this team better hope there is never a spelling challenge.

[A] Not the right decision IMO but also not surprised they went the paranoid “get rid of threat” route.

[S] Already? I want immunity idols to go away.

[A] Oooo Andrea. Sparrow had such a crush on you. [S] Andrea

[S] Is he sitting with his feet in the ocean while wearing socks? Ugh.

[A] The fact that Jacob drew a smiley with a fro next to his name is fricking adorable.

[A] Jacob, your tribe did not buy it. There is no way you forget to bring the note. [S] I 100% would not lie about Ghost Island. I’d even tell them who I gave the legacy advantage to.

[S] I legit can’t stand Domenick. [A] You mean Tony v.3?

[A] The one possibility the orange tribe is forgetting is that if they lose again, high probability purple sends Jacob right back to Ghost Island; maybe focus less on his idol and more on the upcoming challenge?

[S] So many fake idols. Ugh.

[S] How do you “have” him, Domenick. He now knows you have a real idol, even if he doesn’t knows what it looks like.

[S] My least favorite part of watching Survivor is having to figure out how to spell bouy. [A] B-U-O-Y.

[A] Orange tribe is really bad at picking who does what at challenges. At least James tried. Donathan just sat there saying “I don’t think I can.” [S] At least James is trying…

[A] Jeff, he is not an emerging hero. He was peer pressured into finally trying and just happened to succeed. Don’t praise him. [S] Don didn’t save his tribe. He cost them a shit ton of time by refusing to try. [A] If they send James home, I will be pissed.

[S] Is her name Libby? Lizzie? Honestly I don’t think it’s showed up on screen.

[A] Would have been smarter to send Jacob again. I know they want to keep their “weak” players in, but if you constantly send the same person, you control what’s coming back from Ghost Island.

[A] Do they have to smash the urns in order? Because I would just smash randomly. [S] Ace, I would have smashed ALL the urns. I’m not smart.

[S] Jacob, you are such an idiot. “Stephanie knows how to play the game” is the only smart thing you’ve said.

[S] Oh good, the high school bullying from Amazing Race has moved over to Survivor.

[S] Stop giving Don credit for this, Jeff… [A] If you were “comfortable in your swimming skills,” WHY DIDN’T YOU DIVE DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

[A] I could have just skipped watching tribal as it played out exactly as expected.

Next week on Survivor: [A] Are they seriously switching it up that quickly? Lame. [S] Drop your buffs after two tribal? Stupid.

[roccoroks]

Dag 3 THE DAG FILES! *que X Files music* The following events took place at the Spring Grand Rod Run, names have been changed to protect the stupid and liable. time:.......dark....ish im working a double, 2nd & 3rd shift pryor to the take over of the motel there for i was still a employee at the time and had to answer the a boss (the sorry motherfucker that he is) but thats another story/rant. its hot outside, people are pissing and shitting all over my lobby bathrooms and im trying to deal with 100+ geusts and god only knows how many classic cars... this is more of what its like to deal with multipul shitty guests and problems while working a rod run in pigeon forge tn. the grand rod run takes place twice a year and has more that 1000-2500 show cars through out the city of pigeon forge. we find our hero sitting on his ass watching youtube videos and eating potato chips and trying to download bootleged My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic episodes when the internet suddenly explodes and stops working due to me trying to download 30 episodes at once! this is more of what its like to deal with multipul shitty guests and problems while working a rod run in pigeon forge tn me: *prior to net crash* ^.^ *om nom nom nom* *internet crashes* me: O.O........shit....not good me: hey chris (we work in pairs on rod runs) chirs: whats up man me:.....um i think were fucked chris:what did you break? me: the internet....all of it chris: I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO DOWNLOAD THAT MUCH PONY SHIT AT ONCE! me:.....sorry?...you fix?...please chris: *sigh* leave, NOW! me: *me runs out from behind the counter just as the phone rings* ~when the wifi goes down at the motel, you might as well have set the place on fire, eeeeveryone calls to tell you!~ me: front desk poc 1: (pissed of coustomer) yeah uh hi, the inter net is not working, how do i log on? me: (i know its not working, i broke it! ^.^) im sorry we are having technical difficulties and are trying to restore it as we speak! poc1: oh ok ill try later! bye me: that wasnt so.... *ring* me: front de..... rpoc: (realy pissed of coustomer) HEY THE INTRANETS NOT WORKING me: im sorry we ar....(did you just say "INTRANET"?) rpoc: WHEN I MADE MY RESERVATION I WAS TOLD THERE WAS WEEFI AND I DONT HAVE WEEFI WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO ABOUT THAT! me: sir im trying to get it back on line and i should have it working with in.....( WAIT...WTF IS WEEFI?) rpoc: I DONT WANT EXCUSES I WANT THE INTRANET FIXED me: sir? sir are you there? rpoc: *yells louder* I SAID IIIIII WWWWWWWWAAAANT TTTTHEEEEEEEE INTERNET FIIIIIXXXXXXEEDD NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWWWW CAN YO.... me: SIR YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP BECAUSE I CANT HEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRRRRRRRR YYYYYYOUUUU! (fucking yell at me dick head) rpoc: *SOME HOW YELLS EVEN LOUDERER* III SAID FIX THE GOD DAMED INTRA......... me: idk chris i cant hear the guy, he sounds like a broken record. (lmao i soooooo can hear the vein in your head thumpin!) rpoc: you have got to be kidding me, now the fucking teller phone doesnt work *hangs up* chris: what was that all about? me: thats how you deal with a bad guest chris: great! now hes going to come down here and bitch to me me: yup, see ya later! me: *leaves to check parking lot for cars to tow,leaves chris to clean up mess* me: *looks out the window* (if there were any more cars in my parking lot it, this place would look like a poory orginized scrap yard) me: *walks outside for 3 hours* *3 hours, 2 beers and one smokey burn out from a dodge challenger later* *sitting at the desk, chris leaves for the night* chris: im turning my phone off, dont....fucking.....call...me! me:k me: (back to down loading ponies! and cruse CL for car parts) poc: AHEM! me: /).- (I will not respond to a clearing of the throat, what the fuck bitch, this aint high school) poc: AAAAHHEEEEMMM! ME: (NOPE! FUCK YOU) poc : EXCUSE ME! me: (was that so hard?....bitch) yes mam! may i help you? ^.^ poc: uuuhh you need to do something about that drunk guy in the pool.... me: drunk guy? poc: yes hes in the pool and hes drunk and i dont want to see that! me: ...*blank stare* poc: well.... me: (do i get any more info than that? ITS THE ROD RUN! EEEVVERRRRRYYYBODIES FUCKING DRUNK!) yes mam what does he look like? poc: HE IS THE DRUNK ONE! me: (com'on! take the hint!) mam this is the rod run and everyone in the pool is drunk, is he bothering you in anyway? poc: well..huh..he just shit in the pool.... me:........ me:....your shitting me....(i haha i made a funny) poc: she for your self! me: *goes to pool, see only 3 people in the pool, all of them drunk* me: soooo he just? poc: yup, he just dropped his swim suite and shit right in the pool, then he jumped it , then he told his friends that it was a candy bar and dared them to eat it! me: .......*speachless*.... me: ok mam, who dun shit in my pool *i sooooooo wish i was making this up* poc: him! *points at all 3 drunk people* me: (really? not the middle one, not the one on the right just that one?)ok witch one of them? poc: the fat one me: (THERE ALL FUCKING FAT!) ok witch fat one poc: I FUCKING GIVE UP! *STORMS OUT* me: (damn, she lasted longer than most, shee needs a discount!) me: *walks out into the pool* ok, who shit in my pool (this situation warents cussing) *all the drunk people* "HE DID" *AND POINTED AT EACH OTHER!* me: /).- WHERE IS IT! *again all three of them * THERE! *all three point in different directions!* me: soooo its everywhere.... *blank stares all around and akward silence* me: where....is..... the.... TUUUUUURRRRD *more blank stares* drunk guy 1: ummmmmm me: all of you, GET OUT! drunk guy 2: but what if we.... me: NOW! *all three exit pool* drunk guy: um when can we get back in the pool? me: tomorrow dunk guy 2: why so long? me: look im the only guy here and i have better things to do then go on a wild goose chase for a lone turd in the pool! drunk guy 1: well whos going to clean it up? me: NOT FUCKING ME! YOU WANA SWIM? GO NEXT DOOR AND LAY A LOG IN THEIR POOL! *they all think this is wildly funny and walk off to deuce one out in the smokey mountain lodge's pool* 30 mins and a few pissed off would be pool goers later ME:* just sat down to pizza* *ring, ring, ring,ring,ring* me: FOR FUCK SAKE! I HATE YOU PHONE *get up and walks to phone* me: *bangs knee on desk drawer* FUCKING OOOOOWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE ! FUCK YOU TOO BROKEN DESK DRAWER! AHEM! front deak *in sweet voice* dag: (room 403)" THE GAW DAMN INTRANET AINT FUCKIN WERKIN!"(i a heavy drunk southern accent) me: e.e...(you sound familar) its not? one second let me check. *puts customer on hold* me: *goes to bathroom to take a dump* 5 mins later me: (fuck ! hes still there!) *takes dag off hold* sir? dag: BOUT TIME! me: try it agian dag: I DONT FUCKIN KNOW HOW TO GET ON THE GAW DAMNEDED THING ME.......O.o (then how do you know its not working.....WAIT, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU....DO YOU EVEN COMPUTER BRO?) me: sir? dag: *YELLS TO WIFE* HEY! GET THA FUCK OVER HERE AND MAKE THE FUCKER WORK ME:  .....(oh my god this is like jerry springer) *long pause* dags wife in background: THERE! IT FUCKING WORKING...WAIT NO, YES...NO ITS NOT ME:.......sir? DAG: HANG ON DAMNED IT! ME:......*SUCKING BACK LAUGHING.....BECAUSE I JUST FLIPED THE BREAKER TO THE ROUTER KILLIN ALLLLL THE INTERNETS* dag: IT JUST WAS FUCKIN WERKIN THEN THE SHIT BROKE ME: HANG ON A SEC.....*puts dag back on hold, sit down and eats a slice of pizza* 4 slices of pizza later... me: *flips breaker back on, takes dag off hold* sir, HOW BOUT NOW? dag: HAY, HE SAYS ITS WERKIN........WELL.....GET THA FUCK OVER HUR AND MAKE THE TING GO! ~pernounce it just like i wrote~ long pause...... dag: aigh the fuckers workin now ME: go deal yall, yall has a goooooooood nigh nowww...... dag: hangs up me: (THAT WAS FUN! now for foods!) *almost sits down* *ring, ring,ring,ring,ring* me: FUCKING REALLY?!? ahem: front desk? dag: HAY ME: (oh gawd not you again) yes sir dag: what room are we in me: O.o..(really.....you dont even know what room....) 403 sir dag: im in 403? me: yes sir dag: TELL THEM FUCKERS ABOVE ME TO SUCK THE FUCK UP OR IMA GONA BEAT 7 SHADE OF SHIT OUT OF THEM! ME: (i would pay soooooo much money, you dont even know) sir its 930pm and during the rod run thing tend to go on until 12 am or so, im sorry but there nothing i can do dag: I GONA KICK THEIR ASSES! ME: SIR! PLEASE DONT GO......*CLICK* ME: *RUNS OUT THE DOOR TO THE 5TH FLOOR* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! *arives at 5th floor.....its empty* me: ......(aint no one up here) *walks down to 4th floor, sees drunk guy outside 403, in whity tighties, passed out in the chairs* me: (im sooooo not dealing with that) *goes back to office* me: * sits down at the desk and see something out of the corner of my eye* *looks at security moitor* me: DAFUQ IS THAT? *switches to pool cam, see UFO (unidentified floating object)* me: nooooo, it cant be.... *zoooms in, sees large turd* ITS BACK! THE TURD! ME : *runs around the counter to the pool, trips on carpet and knocks over entire brocher rack* me: (deal with that later, I HAVE SOME SHIT TO TAKE CARE OF!) *at the pool* me: damn.....thats quite the deuce....atleast a 2 pounder *starts talking to myself in a steve irwin accent* me: wear hear in the confines of the pool room, in search of a veronious beast! SHHHHH *GRABS SCOOPER* aahw yea thar she is, just look at hur thear, she a absolute beauty! and shes a floata too! me: *lowers scooper, turd slide off the edge* awhh shes a fisty one she is! ima grab her tail! me: * trys to come from below and scoop it up, turd veirs away* shes a quick won! HUHO QUICK! THE SHELA IS MAKIN A BREAK FOR IT! me: *finaly scoops turd* HE SCOOPS HE SCORES!!!!!! * turns around see's hot girls laughing at me* me: *looks at turd on the scooper* (theres not a hole deep enough for me to craw off in right now) *drops turd in trash* * relocks pool goes to desk to commit suicide* 20 min later me: *watching youtube, probably supercharger videos around that time* dag: HAY, YOU BACK THUR? ME: (maybe if i sit reeeeeeeal still he will not see me) dag: HAY! *leans around counter* me; (FUCK! IT SAW ME) me: yes sir how ma.... dag: LISTIN THE INTRANET DONT WERK, YOU GOT US UNDER THESE LOUD FUCKING PEOPLE , YOUR POOL IS CLOSED AND IT AINT EVEN TIME TO CLOSE IT AND TO TOP IT OFF NOW MY TV DONT WORK me:im sorry sir (no im not) but i cant move you to another roome because we are full. dag: WELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS! I WANT A GWAD DAMND DISCOUNT! ME: (no you need to put a shirt on, no one needs to see your "DD" man titties!) im sorry sir theres nothing i can do, you will need to talk to the manager in the..... dag: I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY AND COME THE FUCK DOWN HERE TO TALK TO A MANAGER I WANT THIS SHIT FIXED NOW! me: (and i want a decent blow job from my wife, but that shit aint going to happen either) im sorry bud but i cant do anything until morni...... dag: YOU CAN ATLEAST OPEN UP THE FUCKING POOL! me: sir i cant op.....SURE THING! TELL YA WHAT IF IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY I WILL OPEN THE POOL JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS BUT NO ONE ELSE, IS THAT OK? dag: now thats more like it *walks out the door* me: (BAWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!) 15 MINS LATER. DAG AND HIS WIFE ARE SWIMIN IN THE POO WATER LAGOON *chis walks in with beer* chris: *stops, looks at the two fuckers swiming in the pool* you know its past 11 right? you not suppost to let people swim past 11 me; i know chris: oooookkkk why do they get to swim? me: because i hate them chris:sooo you hate them and they get to swim.....is that the motherfucker that yelled at me for the inter net not working? me: yup, and some one shit in there earlier to day too chris: *snots beer out his nose* HAHAHHA WHAT THE FUCK? me: yup, fuck them chris: thats sooooo wrong me: yup chris: your going to hell for this but it sooooo worth it /rant

[popwasabi]

“Kong: Skull Island” Review: Monkey Mayhem!

Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Starring: Tom Hiddelston, Samuel L. Jackson, John C. Reilly, Toby Kebbell, Brie Larson

 “Kong: Skull Island” is the brilliant big ape, kaiju mayhem movie monster fans have been waiting for since “Pacific Rim.”

Choosing to forego the lazily written themes of Legendary Picture’s “Godzilla,” “Kong”gives a big gorilla-sized middle finger to all that and opts to just be as fun and ridiculous as possible and its exactly what a monster movie should aspire to be.

(Thank you for not cutting away from the action, movie *side eyes “Godzilla”*)

“Kong: Skull Island” takes place just as the Vietnam war is coming to a close as researchers Bill Randa and Houston Brooks from the secretive organization known as Monarch organize an expedition to an uncharted island in the south Pacific. Enlisting the help of a British tracker named James Conrad, an “anti-war” photographer named Mason Weaver and the “Sky Devils” helicopter squadron led by the war hungry Preston Packard, the crew sets off to scout the island. Of course when a giant ape appears minutes into their first survey, Randa’s crew quickly figure out this island is a lot crazier than it looks and if they’re not careful they’ll end up as dinner next.

Generally speaking monster movies only work on two ends of a very extreme scale; either they go dark and serious (“Gojira”) or bat shit, cheesy and over the top (“Pacific Rim”).

2014’s “Godzilla” failed largely because it tried to have it both ways; trying to tell a serious, but confusing story, about how uncontrollable nature is while also trying to have a Godzilla act like a super hero too.

“Kong: Skull Island” does not make this same mistake, opting instead for the latter end of the kaiju scale giving viewers as much giant monster mayhem as they want and more.

The film truly is best when these kaiju are on screen; Kong is beautifully motion captured by Toby Kebbell (the other Andy Serkis of motion capture that no one talks about), giant bugs and octopuses are both creepy and awesome to watch, and the film’s big bad “Skull Crawlers” are freaky in their own way and enjoyable adversaries to the big ape himself.

Monster fight scenes play out like giant, kaiju-sized wrestling matches and it’s a joy to watch Kong layeth the smacketh down on these monsters’ candy-asses.

(”KONG FROM THE TOP ROPE! BAW GAWD! THAT SKULL CRAWLER HAD A FAMILY!”)

One huge improvement over “Godzilla,” however, are the characters in “Kong.” Sure the film suffers from having too many to follow, never truly settling on a lead character and even wasting the talents of Goodman, Larson and Hiddelston, but like “Pacific Rim” they are still fun and even self-aware of the ridiculousness of the plot.

There’s a brilliant little exchange, most of you have seen in the trailer, involving John C. Reilly’s character Hank Marlow, a marooned former US pilot from WWII, explaining the threat of the “Skull Crawlers” to Hiddelston’s Conrad and Larson’s Weaver where they ask Marlow why they’re named that to which he snidely replies “Look, I just made that name up. I’m trying to scare you.”

This sequence is truly representative of the film’s tone as it never takes its self very seriously, a huge kaiju sized step away from schmaltz of “Godzilla.” The film is all the better for it too, as sequences away from Kong are still entertaining as Reilly’s banters with co-stars Hiddelston, Larson and Jackson constantly, even at one point, against his protest of certain danger, snorts “I’ve only been here 28 years, what do I know?”

(Basically Reilly’s Marlow when encountering Skull Crawlers.)

If there is a story to be had here however it’s in the diverging paths of Reilly’s Marlow and Jackson’s Packard who’s played at near full Samuel L. Jackson throughout the movie.

Marlow is a WWII pilot who has been done with war for quite some time, even befriending the Japanese pilot he crashed with. At one point in the film he asks one of the soldiers “Hey, who won the war?” to which one replies “Which one?” with Marlow chortling “That’s not surprising.”  He has in a weird way found wisdom in his isolation from the rest of the world, living among the natives and seeing Kong as just another creature trying to live his life. It’s not a perfect way to show an anti-war message but it works.

Meanwhile, Jackson’s Packard has gone full Captain Ahab since the end of the war, choosing not to accept defeat and looking instead for closure in bringing down Kong who attacked and killed many of his men. Jackson is as hammy as ever but effective as Kong’s Ahab and creates a real sense of tension and drama when he’s in action on screen.

Are either of these characters and this story very deep though? No, but they’re faaarrr more interesting and entertaining than what we got out of the characters in “Godzilla” at least and in a film that doubles down on the monster beat downs that’s all you need out of your human characters.

(*Stares motherfuckerly*)

With Gareth Edwards departing from the giant monster universe franchise, “Kong: Skull Island” should be a very positive sign of the future as more kaiju get thrown into the mix. 

Its the kind of monster movie fans of the early to late 70s kaiju flicks will enjoy as there are plenty of fun little nods to the genre throughout the film.

Is “Kong: Skull Island” a smart movie though with a well-developed story and script that fans wanted out of “Godzilla?” Fuck no! But it’s bonkers and God damn fun, so who cares? Go enjoy your escapism, you apes!

VERDICT:

4 out of 5

One can only hope the crossover will be half as awesome as this.