#but from my knowledge so far there's at least a couple people she's gonna be somewhat on-sight about

[samkerrworshipper]

she’s on the run

beautiful girl series part 4 -> pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3

leah williamson x daughter reader, jordan nobbs x daughter reader

this was created whilst i listened to so long, london and florida!!!!

You waited until Leah had fully descended the stairs, waiting patiently until you heard Lia and her talking in the kitchen before you started to creep off of your bed and towards your open window. It was a easy climb, one you’d made hundreds of times, you hardly batted an eyelid as you climbed out of the window, your legs swinging out and over until they hit the tiling of the roof. After that it was a simple jump from the roof too the gravel drive way, your only concern was trying to be as quiet as possible, so instead of jumping as normal, you stepped to the edge of the tiles, being ever so careful to make sure that you didn’t slip and fall. Once you got to the edge you sat down, scooting until your feet were hanging over the edge, turning onto your stomach and sliding down until your feet found one of the tresses on the side.

It was a odd form of rock climbing but with some arm strength and dodgy footing, you managed to eventually get your feet onto the gravel of your moms driveway.

You didn’t look backwards as you tiptoed across the driveway, the only think you focused on was turning your location off before starting to jog away from your mom’s house.

You didn’t know where you were going, you just knew that you needed to get far enough away that your moms friends who crowded all of the surrounding neighbourhoods couldn’t find you, you needed a way out of here.

You didn’t have a lot of options, and the options you did have were shitty, but there wasn’t really any others that would work.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket as you rounded the corner of the block, ducking into the first alleyway that you spotted.

There were a couple of numbers that were options, some better than others, you went with the first one that came to head.

The phone rings out for a few seconds, your fingers jitter against the sides of your plastic case, whether you feel prepared to admit it or not, you’re going through withdrawals, it’s around now that you’re body is accustomed to shooting up, to getting a hit of drugs and right now it’s becoming more obvious by the minute how desperate your body is for that high that your body is used to receiving.

Maya had become the older sister that you never had, she cared about you, she treated you with more care and love then anybody else in your life, there wasn’t really any hesitation in your mind as you pressed down on her contact, the ringing noise being the only thing to register in your mind.

It rang out for a while, before your phone went silent for a few seconds.

Originally, you thought that it had rung out, but then there was a groan and something else from the other side of the phone.

“Babygirl?”

You don’t know where the nickname had come from, but along the way it had just become the way that Maya had chosen to address you.

“Hey, I need your help, where are you?”

You heard some rustling, and then Maya’s voice.

“I’m still at Matt’s house, what’s happened?”

Fuck. Fuck.

Matt was a problem, but he was one of the only people who could solve your main problem right now, that was all that was at the forefront of your mind.

“Mom found out about the drugs, she took them off me. I’m crashing, can you come get me?”

More rustling, then someone talking in the background.

“Fuck, kid. I’m gonna come get you alright, we’ll get you to Matt’s house and he’ll look out for you, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll look after you, I always look out for my girls.”

More rustling, accompanied by more background talk.

“Just send me your location alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

You nod your head, taking in the information and finding that your hands and body seem to relax with the knowledge that there is a resolution coming.

“Okay, okay, thank you, thank you, I love you.”

Maya’s like you, or at least you try to tell yourself that. She’s never had anyone who loved her, she’s all by herself. That’s what you tell yourself, that nobody’s ever loved you, that you’re all alone, she tells you the same. That nobody will love you like a good high, that your all alone, that you always will be. To start with, you thought it was all nonsense, that to her you were just a means of getting money, but after hearing it enough, after realising the truth behind her words, you thought it must be true, she was older than you, she’d seen more of the world than you had.

You stayed hunched over in the alleyway, ignoring the buzzing on your phone that meant your mother had realised you were gone. You felt a pang of compassion in your heart, just briefly. You didn’t want to worry her, you didn’t want to think about the anguish that would have crossed Leah’s face when she’d returned to your bedroom to find it empty, even worse if it was Jordan.

Consciously, you didn’t care, not really, all you cared about was the fucking high that you were missing out on. But the eight year old version of you, somewhere in the lowest pit of your heart felt horrifically bad.

It took fifteen minutes of you being hunched against a brick wall, hiding from the view of the street, shaking and shivering before you were hit with the light of headlights, coming from the end of the alleyway.

You stayed hidden, just in case it was your mother or somebody else, staying crouched down behind a bin.

“Babygirl, let’s go.”

You stood up properly, your body straightening out and beginning to walk towards the far to bright white lights.

You sat down in the passenger seat, closing the door behind you as swiftly as possible.

Maya captured you in a hug before you could do anything, her arms wrapping around your neck and torso.

“I’m so proud of you, you’re in good care, I’ll look out for you, me and Matt and the girls, you’re in good company.”

You nodded your head against her shoulder, slowly pulling yourself from her embrace.

Her pupils were dilated, your brain didn’t consider the danger behind her being high, more jealous that she was riding on a happy cloud that you were craving to be on.

The drive felt longer than it should have, your phone buzzed relentlessly the whole way there, it took everything in you not to look down and block the numbers that you knew were ringing, but you didn’t have it in you.

You didn’t like the feeling that hit your gut when you rolled up to the same house that you’d stumbled out of a couple nights ago, you loved Maya, you loved drugs, what you didn’t love was the overwhelming fear that you felt at having to face the same man who had done those horrible things to you days ago. Maya must have noticed, or seen something was up with you.

“Something wrong, darlin?”

She was 23, closer to your Mom’s age then yours, she cared about you.

“Matt, he didn’t want money for the drugs, he wanted something else.”

You expected, or you hoped that Maya would be shocked, but she wasn’t, not in the slightest.

“I think you’ll find babygirl that your body is the most powerful form of payment, men will do anything for a woman’s body, it’s good you learn that young. Matt provides a lot, drugs, care, a house, give him what he wants and he’ll treat you well.”

You stuttered on your words.

“W-what if I don’t want it?”

Maya put her hand on your cheek, squeezing firm enough to make it sting slightly.

“There is no such thing as not wanting it. We’re primal, we crave to be touched and wanted, he’s just teaching you that. It’s an eye for an eye. You get your high, he gets what he wants. It works out for everyone. He’s just trying to keep you safe, just trying to make you feel loved, it’s the only kind of love there is.”

In your core, in your brain, you know it’s untrue, Maya believes in what she’s saying though, or at least she appears to.

“Now c’mon, let’s get you upstairs, get you some artificial assistance.”

She pats you on the shoulder, before opening up the door on her side of the car and stepping out. You let go of the breath that you’d been holding in. Maya is like your big sister, she cares about you, she would never intentionally hurt you, she’s the only person who really gives a shit about you.

You open the car door without much more hesitation, having convinced yourself that she’s right, and more that once you shoot up that your brain will quiet down and all of your doubts will be silenced.

Maya leads you into the house, it’s a lot emptier than it was the other day, a lot less people sprinkled across all of the surfaces, instead there are a few girls and Matt, who’s right in the middle of all of them.

“Pretty girl, didn’t think I’d see you back so soon.”

He’s voice is drawling, slightly tilted.

You didn’t have anything to say that wouldn’t come off as rude, so you simply smiled at him, as well as you could considering the bile that was in your stomach just at the thought of the man in front of you.

“She got kicked out, needed some place to go, I told her there is always room for her here.”

Matt nodded and smiled, his hands were all over the women around him, you tried your hardest to keepy your eyes on his face and not the company he was keeping.

“Of course, I look out for my girls. You craving pretty girl? You need something?”

You nodded your head, hopefully, you were desperate, the emotional nature of what you’d just been through with your mother enough to be slowly pushing you towards the edge.

“Maya take her upstairs, the speed is in my bedside draw, I’ll be up in a bit.”

Maya smiled and nodded, grabbing you by the shoulder and pushing you towards the same stairs you’d stumbled down just a few days ago.

You tried not to feel completely daunted as you were tugged upstairs, your shaky legs carrying you the distance to the bedroom that you’d been in less than twenty for hours ago.

It was the same position, same place, same everything.

It was hard not to feel completely terrified.

Maya led you over to the bed, sitting you down whilst she rustled in the bedside table.

It was silent, calm, as peaceful as you could feel in your current situation, until your phone started buzzing again.

“Answer it, let them know you’re fine.”

You looked ay Maya like she was crazy, she sure seemed it.

“Excuse me?”

Maya looked up from her spot rustling through the drawer.

“They’ll leave you alone if you answer, let them know you’re fine and not dead in a ditch somewhere.”

You gulped, pulling your phone out of your pant pocket and looking at the flashing contact of your mom, your finger hesitating over the green button before clicking on it.

“Bubba? Bubba? Jord, she answered, I’ve got her.”

The exhale of relief that you heard leave your mom’s lips was one of pure happiness.

“Mom, please don’t ahte me, please don’t hate me.”

You could always deal with the thought or realisation that your mom didn’t love you, but having her hate you, it would do things to you that you couldn’t handle.

“Bubba where are you? I don’t hate you, I could never hate you, I love you so much bubba. Just let me know where you are, we’ll come get you, we’ll sort this out.”

Your mom sounded more desperate than you’d ever heard her.

“I’m okay mom, I’m okay, I’m safe.”

Another exhale of relief.

“Look bubba, all your aunties are out looking for you, me and Jord have been worried sick, just let me know where you are, please. I’m so worried about you bubba, look, just come home, we can figure out the drug stuff, me and mama will get you all the help you need, we’ll make it all better, just come home.”

It had been hardly two hours since you’d slipped out of your window, you didn’t want to know how stressed your mom would have gotten had it been six or twelve.

“Mom I know I did wrong, trust me, I know. But you want me to go to rehab, you want me to get better, and trust me I want it, but I can’t do it, please.”

You heard something being dropped and then a button being pressed.

“Chick, listen to me, your mom and I are worried sick, you need to come back home. We’ll sort it all out, we’ll get you the help you need, but you need to come home, just tell us where you are.”

The feeling of the rubber tourniquet being tied to your upper arm and a needle prodding at your vein distracted you slightly.

“Look mom, I’m in good company, I’m safe, I love you both but I can’t do rehab, I can’t do getting better, I’m not ready, I’m not strong enough for that, I’m not like you and mom, I can’t be strong and brave, I can’t tough it out when it gets hard. I just need you to love me from a distance and understand that I’m doing whats best for me.”

Maya looks on proudly, it feels like your saying things to appease her and that makes you feel good, the validation of having her smile at you and nod her head at you, it wasn’t love but it was something close, the closest you felt in a while.

“Bubba, listen to me. You are so strong, everything you’ve been through in your life, it’s nothing in comparison to this. You don’t need the drugs, you don’t. This isn’t you bubba.”

You think that deep down, Leah and Jordan have no idea who you are anymore. The injection into your bloodstream only solidifies those thoughts.

“This is me mom, this is who I am now. I was like you and jord’s perfect little child, your perfect girl but that’s not me anymore. I’m not the same kid, this is me.”

You swore you heard a sob, or sniffle from the other side of the line.

“Bubba, we’ll sort this out, just come back home, please.”

You shook your head, enjoying the feeling of your blood circulating the drugs that had just hit your system.

“I can’t do that mom’s, I love you, and I’m so grateful for you but I can’t come home, I just can’t mom, bye.”

Before either of them could reply to you, you pressed down on the hang up button, throwing your phone to the end of the bed and leaning back, letting the high begin to sink in.

The bed sunk down next to you, Maya’s arm snaking around your waist.

“Good job babygirl, I’m proud of you, you’ve got me, I’ll look out for you, I look out for all of my girls.”

If you were sane, you’d probably ask yourself the question of what kind of person looked out for their people by giving them drugs and subjecting them to sexual assault, but with the drugs running through your veins and the relief starting to hit your brain, you couldn’t find you in it to care.

“Feels good.”

Maya brought your head to her neck, it was warm, happy, nice.

“I know babygirl, feels so good doesn’t it?”

You nod your head, the bliss starting to really get to you, your whole body feeling the affects of it.

Everytime you get high you think it’ll last forever, that the overwhelming numb happiness will last permanently. Every time you shoot up, you think that maybe it’ll all get better, that the feeling you’ve been searching for, will finally set in. It doesn’t though.

You come to the conclusion that it must be a more pure solution, or more concentrated because it’s getting to your head a lot quicker than normal.

You don’t even notice when Matt slips into the room, too busy processing the overwhelming feeling of the drugs rushing through you. It’s good, it feels good, until the bed dips on the other side of you and a hand is on your waist.

Your body is too numb to try and fight back, even if you had the energy or will to, you doubt you’d be strong enough.

There are words being spoken around you, hands all over your body.

You can’t open your eyes, can’t even try to understand what is happening to you.

You bite down on your lip, as your pants are tugged down.

You dissasociate it, disassociate the hands on you, dissasociate the feeling of being violated, enjoy the fact that the mixture of the drugs in your system and pain coming from your lip manage to be enough to distract from the pain being inflicted on you.

It’s primal, it’s an eye for an eye, it’s a form of payment.

Some time during the process, you drift off, whether it’s from the drugs or pain you aren’t sure, you just know that the sweet mixture of the meth seems to be enough.

You wake up with an arm around you, your silently terrified to open your eyes and find out who, but you’re also in pain and a little bit too curious for your own good. You’re grateful that the hands are Maya’s, it’s a small win. Your head is still dazed, it feels good, but you’re itching for something, itching for more.

“Hey babygirl.”

It’s light outside, it has of been a couple of hours and based on the pain between your legs you don’t want to know what’s happened in the couple of hours you’ve been unconscious.

“You feeling a bit better?”

You nod your head, focusing in on the daze and not the itch across your body and the pain your experiencing.

“You’ve been such a good girl for Matt and I, doing exactly how we pleased, we’re so proud of you.”

It’s the kind of praise you’ve been searching for months. Growing up, for your mom’s, you’d always been the perfect child, a pathological people pleaser. You’d always been told you were independent, in the end though it had all just been loneliness. You grew up to quickly, from the moment you were in foster care, passed around like a piece of trash, there was no option but for you to be lonely. Then you moved in with Jordan and Leah, and they had each other, you were still alone. You didn’t allow for yourself to make mistakes, you had a chance with them, if you were anything less than perfect then how could they want you? You were a student, a star athlete, polite, a perfectionist to your core. You took on all of the burden during the breakup, you were there for both of your mom’s through it all, yet you were the one who was always at the brunt of their anger and discontent. You weren’t worthy of their love, not when the perfect child stopped being perfect because of the pressure, because of the self-hatred that had manifested inside of you since the first people to show you love had broken apart, leaving you empty on the inside.

You blamed yourself for a lot of it, Leah and Jordan had been fine before you, it was like as soon as you entered their life it was just a ticking time bomb, you wrecked everything, you were a semi truck that drove through people, pulled everyone and everything in it’s way a part.

Maya knew how it felt, she’d broken people a part, she knew what it felt like to be all alone, she’d taught you that it was okay, that it was okay to be lonely.

She cared about you, she understood you, she wanted you.

“More, need more.”

She looked into your eyes and you felt understood, like she knew exactly what you were going through and knew how to patch up and fix all of your problems.

“Alright babygirl, just give me a second and we’ll get you juiced up, huh? You deserve it, you’ve been such a perfect girl for us.”

Maya removed her body from yours, reaching over to the bedside table, rummaging through it the same way she did last night.

Your body was still vibrating with the endorphins, the dopamine was filling your head, replacing everything in you that felt dead and broken, it felt so good, it was the feeling that you craved, the reason that you’d given everything else up, because it made you feel more content and fulfilled then anything else.

You were scared of losing it, scared of losing touch with the feeling that you were relying on.

You craved her praise, craved the drugs, craved the nothingness that came from having everything around you turn into nothing, all of the feelings, all of the struggle, all the pain and suffering turned into dust.

It was what made your life worth living, without the high you didn’t think your life would even remotely worth living for, you had nothing, you had nobody, you were alone.

Maya was quicker with her mannerisms, she knew what she was doing.

You’d never seen her do needles before the last twenty four hours, but you also weren’t that shocked. She had the tracks along her arms, the attitude that seemed like she could. She was the one who’d introduced you to drugs, it had started with a bit of pot, then coke, then heroin, then any pill that you could find and eventually, speed.

You’d been tentative at first, speed was more addictive than any other drug, speed did bad things to a body, methamphetamines were a druggies worst enemy. You’d met cokeheads and some of the most addicted heroin junkies and yet plenty of them had told you that they would never touch meth, that it was too intoxicating.

Meth took control of a persons body, penetrated the system faster than most drugs, meth got into your head, it changed a person for the worse.

You wanted that though, you were seeking for that. You were seeking for something to take control of you, something to change you, something to change the way your brain was wired.

It felt so good, you’d never been into needles either, avoided them like they were the plague, but with the plastic tourniquet strapped onto your arm and the cold point of the needle pressing against your inner arm.

It was the best feeling in the world, the best feeling known to man.

You felt like you were on the peak of Mount Everest, like you were unstoppable.

It was the same feeling you’d once gotten from just being in a room with your moms, the same feeling you’d gotten after a good game of football, the same feeling you’d gotten out of getting a good mark back on a test.

A while ago, a time that you don’t like to think about anymore, it all came naturally. Your body did hunger for that kind of attention because it received it naturally, it didn’t have to worry about when the next burst of serotonin would come. You didn’t have to create your own sensation, like you do now, you didn’t have to put yourself on a constant calendar to keep yourself sane, to make sure that you stayed happy enough to stay alive.

You didn’t think about the fact that you’d shot up a couple of hours ago, that you’re body was only just now learning to absorb intravenous drugs, that you were more dosed up then you had been in your entire life and now you were adding gasoline to the fire inside of you, you didn’t care, all you wanted was for this feeling to keep lasting, for the pain in your stomach from everything that you knew had happened but couldn’t recollect to be numbed by the drugs that you were craving.

You felt alive when the needle pressed into your arm, it made you feel like you were unstoppable, enlightened, like nothing could stop you. It was a strak contrast to how you felt when you were sober, when you were sober, you felt like the weight of the world was resting on your shoulders, that you were responsible for all the people that were around you and if you failed them then you were no better than the little traumatised girl that had been handed to your moms all those years ago.

You tried to ignore the odd chest pain that set in as the drugs mixed in with your blood, or tried your very best at least, it was hard though, when the initial pain started to turn into a skin splitting sensation you tried your best to pay no mind to it.

It was odd, you figured it might be a new effect you were unearthing, needles gave a different high in comparison to your normal, it was understandable that their would be different effects.

For the first time though, in a long time, you weren’t overcome with the near overwhelming relief that normally flooded you, the pain in your chest was to strong, instead of your heart slowing, your pain subsiding and all the thoughts quieting down, it felt like you were going into overdrive, hyperaware of everything that resided inside of you. Your chest was hurting, your heart was beating at a abnormally fast pace and your brain hurt, like it was rattling around inside of your head, bruising the inside of your skull and cracking it into pieces as every second passed.

“Maya, maya.”

It was a croak, yourr eyes being forced open as you took sharp, short breaths.

“You’re okay babygirl, deep breaths, it’ll feel good any minute.”

Except it wasn’t feeling good and it was feeling worse as every second passed. Your skin was prickly, hot and red and burning all over, your heart felt like it was beating faster than it had ever before and everything about how you were feeling felt so inexplicably wrong.

“Not good, not good, not good.”

Maya’s hand was on your face, patting at you like you were a dog, like you were a pet to her.

“Ride it out, you’ve got it babygirl, it’ll pass.”

It wasn’t passing though, it wasn’t, nothing about how you felt was passing at all.

You could feel your control of your body start to fade, you didn’t understand how or why, you didn’t understand what was happening, you knew though that whatever this was, whatever you’d taken or been given, it wasn’t good. It felt like poison inside of you, slowly taking control of every thing inside of you, like something was eating you up from the inside, as every moment surpassed.

You wanted to think that it was going to be fine, that you were just experiencing some kind of heightened high from the buildup in your system, but there was something overwhelmingly odd and wrong about how you felt, it was real, realer than any drugs had made you feel.

Drugs were artificial, and they made you feel artificially happy, or numb, somewhere between those two. Drugs had never made you feel real and tangible, like you were more of a human than anybody else, but right now, you felt more personified then you ever had, like you were so synched with your body that it was too much, too much feelings, too much pain, to much of everything.

You struggled to get out anymore words, between the feeling of your heart beating the speed of light and your chest being too tight for any oxygen to enter your airway.

You supposed she got the message when your body started to shake, your eyes rolling into the back of your skull as your body struggled to cope.

You heard her scream, felt her pick up your body, in blinks of your eyes you made out the staircase, the entryway, Matt in your line of sight.

You get traded into his arms, arms that make you feel tense and uncomfortable, something your body seems to react to because the tremors or seizures, or whatever the fuck your experiecing only worsens.

You blink in and out of consciousness as you’re taken from the house, into the backseat of somebody’s car, Maya and Matt seated in the front, murmuring to each other as you violently shook in the backseat, your consciousness fading as your body became less connected to you.

You weren’t sure where you were going, where drug addicts thought it was a good idea to take a person fucked up out of their minds, you hoped it wasn’t back to your mothers, or rehab, you seriously doubted the latter considering that two addicts themselves were more likely to take you to a fucking graveyard instead of rehab.

You knew neither of them were talking to you, just talking between the two of them, you hoped they were getting you some kind of help, that the two of them would stick by you and find you some help, Maya loved you, Maya was the only person who cared, she would get you help, she would stop this feeling, she would fix it.

You couldn’t see, you couldn’t control your body, you couldn’t feel any sensations across your skin beside the burning created by the lack of oxygen being circulated throughout you. It was like the drugs were slowly infiltrating every part of you, that the veins which mapped out your body underneath your skin were being pumped full of the toxic substance that you’d been so desperate to fill yourself with.

It must have been a bad reaction, or something you’d taken was laced, probably with fentanyl or something that was mixing badly, fentanyl was renowned for being one of the worst things to combine with meth, opioids and stimulants were bad together, it was probably the two forms mixing together inside of you, creating a horrible chemical concoction of reactions inside of you.

You couldn’t keep yourself awake for most of the car ride, there were patches of consciousness, patches where your eyes would open just for them to close once again.

You were awake when the car stopped, not awake enough to catch a glimpse of where you’d stopped at but awake enough to hear the car engine turn still on. The passenger door opened, then footsteps, then the backseat door beside you opened.

Maya picked you up, or at least that’s who you thought had your arms around you, your eyes were forced shut so you didn’t have any confirmation.

A few steps were taken, fast ones, and then she was squatting like she intended to put you down, and then she did.

You didn’t know how or why or where, you just knew that it was cold, there was rain drizzling down on your face, your body was shaking more than ever and you could hear the footsteps getting further and further away from you, then the sound of a car door being opened and shut and the car pulling away.

You were in agony, there was no other way to put it.

You’d been abandoned before, it was nothing new for you, it only reinforced the idea that you were simply incapable of keeping people in your life, nobody wanted you long term, you weren’t made for long term love, you were like a toy to a child. Fun and entertaining for a short amount of time, before you were forgotten and then eventually, thrown away.

You passed out before you could think more about the toy comparison, cold, alone and forgotten.

[pencileraser1]

things i noticed/thoughts about most recent rewatches of dps (plus laserdisk deleted scenes):

whenever theres a group scene i've started watching the characters that the story isn't focusing on to see what they do and i've been having a fun time with that. pitts and cameron specifically seem to almost always be doing something interesting in the background.

hopkins!!!! my favorite minor character who somehow got character development despite having like 2 lines!!!! the last guy to stand on the desk but he did it!!!

sometimes i do like to think about what the rest of the students thought about the dead poets society, esp in alternate timeline neil lives dps keeps meeting universe. like yeah theres this guy in their class whose one of the most credited students in the school and we think he maybe started a cult. idk though. but that group runs out into the woods every few days to do god knows what and one of them keeps talking about "dead poets honor" whatever that means and holy shit welton star student neil perry started a cult.

i watched the movie with headphones. and maybe it's because ive seen this movie Far too many times and mabe i'm listening too hard but it was Really obvious sometimes when audio was added in post production. llke in the sweaty toothed madman scene when you can hear laughing and to be fair the camera is behind their heads. but it does Not look like anyone's laughing. my favorite is at the end of the phone call to chris scene where knox is like i'm gonna seize the day!! and runs up the stairs and the poets are cheering him on and neil is sort of yelling "carpe!!!!" and i could be wrong but i'm like 75% certain that the person singing is Also rsl so now neil is just speaking two times at once somehow. anyways it didn't ruin the experience for me or anything it was maybe just a little bit funny to notice but very sorry if this did ruin anyone's viewing.

people talk a lot about how rsl and ethan hawke really made their characters what they are but i have to add dylan kussman to that list. I get the impression that older versions of the movie didn't really give as much depth to cameron and watching dylan kussmans performance is like. he Knew who his character was so fucking well and it shows!! like the deleted scene of them getting clubs assigned. like i could tell So Much about cameron from that scene

for how little she actually appeared, there is an emphasis put on the fact that neil's mom smokes pretty frequently. and i think that's interesting considering neil is one of two poets shown actively smoking. neil's mom doesn't appear for very long in the movie but during that time it definitely seems like the movie is intentionally making parallels between the two, particularly in the last argument with neil's father. neil and his mother are both sitting for almost the whole time, which contrasts with his father who is standing. they are both almost powerless in this scene. they stand up at almost the same time. anyways there's a couple different possibilities for what this could mean? that i've though of? 1. to show that neil's mother is in a similar situation to the one neil is in in regards to neil's father and 2. maybe a stretch here but the theory that neil inherited his mental illness at least partially from his mother. i'm pretty sure 1 was fully intentional on the directors part, not entirely sure about 2 though

unmanned flying desket scene: it's probably cause he and ethan wrote the scene themselves but the way rsl talks in this scene feels more like the way he talks in general than the rest of the script. like briefly neil perry is talking in rsl's voice. one of my absolute favorite scenes though the sarcastic dialogue is so good.

the light of knowledge at the first shot of the film vs. todd standing on his desk at the last shot of the film paralel

[genericpuff]

I’m gonna have to disagree with you that Kaos is any better than LO. It’s all the same bull crap.

Kaos just seems like live-action LO, both having a boring storyline with bad or fetishized characterizations of the Greek Gods and figures, and both looking artistically beautiful and some cool concepts, but badly executed. The only difference is that Kaos has more LGBTQIA+ themes than LO, has a tiny bit more Greek references, and gets much darker. That’s pretty much it.

As a Greek who studies our myths and stories extensively, I’m tired of the west trying to take and rearrange our stories and retell them ‘with a modern, western lense’. It’s exhausting and infuriating.

It’s time the west gets over its fascination with us and move on.

Fair opinion! Honestly, the initial post I made about it was after only watching the first couple episodes. Now that I've finished it, I can definitely see actual glaring issues with it, both in their characterizations as well as in how they kind of lose the intrigue after a few episodes of the setting and elements of them being gods. Which are all issues that LO have as well.

Though I will say, LO has those issues far more than Kaos does, but what really separates LO from Kaos, in my opinion - the creators of Kaos aren't pretending that Kaos is more than it is. To me, Kaos isn't in any way a singular Greek myth retelling, more so a fun "Greek epic" style story featuring the gods in a modern setting, the way LO could have been if Rachel hadn't tried to make it into something bigger than it was (and if she didn't put herself on a pedestal as a "self proclaimed folklorist"). I can watch Kaos and appreciate it as a fun Greek myth inspired piece of media because that's pretty much all it's trying to be. Meanwhile LO gives us middle-school-level writing with very little real Greek myth influence (aside from what it benefits Rachel to do so) that even goes so far as to outright disrespect the myths that they were based on... all the while people praise it as the greatest Greek myth retelling ever.

I think Kaos is miles better than LO because it at least tells a more coherent story than LO ever could have, with a lot more attention paid to the stylization of a Greek epic (compared to LO which tried and failed to implement those same things, such as the Fates, self-fulfilling prophecies, and witty narration as to retell a story that's already happened).

Granted, that story still takes a lot of liberties with the source material (some that I enjoyed, others not so much), but in that regard, I refer to the above - Kaos isn't trying to be an actual retelling like LO did, so I view it the same way I do as something like Hercules or Hades, where the people who made it clearly love Greek myth and wanted to do some Greek myth-inspired story with their own twists on the narratives, and it paid off in a story that, in spite of their flaws, still feels intentional and thought out.

LO, by comparison, is just a mess of ripped off half-baked ideas thrown at a wall and filled in with self-fulfilling power fantasy garbage written by someone who claims to have deeper knowledge of the myths but clearly doesn't. It's hard to enjoy LO in spite of its flaws because it's all flaws and they're so deeply-rooted in the context of Rachel's own biases and sexual preferences that you really can't separate it from that once you know if it.

I do have some criticisms of Kaos and some of its more creative choices - Hera cheating on Zeus with Poseidon (literally wtf lmao), Persephone still being the "I went down there willingly!" archetype (though at least she's not 19 in this, the casting for her and Hades was great), as well as the fact that things weren't wrapped up by the end of the first season which really bums me out because now it's up to the mercy of Netflix to give it that second season - but ultimately, from a story-writing perspective, Kaos absolutely did accomplish having an actual narrative with themes and goal-driven writing that LO failed in having. That comparison doesn't make Kaos a 100% perfect show without flaw, but I made the comparison initially anyways because much of what I enjoyed in Kaos was what I expected from LO (and ultimately didn't get).

That's just my own two cents though! And I need to make it clear - I am not a Greek person! I have no say or merit within the discussion regarding Greek myth and how it's been appropriated!! - so ultimately... my opinion of these things really aren't as valuable as someone who actually is Greek or studied heavily in it.

So that said, I can completely see the merit in your own arguments that a lot of these "modern retellings" tend to miss the point of the stories they're trying to retell (esp with the criticisms I outlined above) and are often chewed up through a Western lens. The lesser of two evils is still evil. But if we're purely talking Kaos vs. Lore Olympus here as modern entertainment that are both attempting similar things... I'd be way more likely to rewatch and recommend one over the other. Plus there are a lot of adaptions out there made by Westerners / non-Greeks that are incredible and are, at the very least, amazing stepping stones into the world of Greek myth for those who want to learn more about it. Out of the pool of ongoing modern Greek myth retellings/inspired works - Blood of Zeus, Hades/Hades 2, Kaos, Epic: The Musical, Hadestown, Hercules, Percy Jackson & The Olympians, and Lore Olympus - it's not hard to guess which one I'd be the least likely to recommend as gateways into Greek mythology. If those titles were organized in a list of best to worst, Kaos isn't at the top of that list, but it's sure as shit higher than LO 💀😆

[inverswayart]

The Fallout OC Seven Day S.P.E.C.I.A.L.

Now that I realized that no one can actually stop me, I'm gonna talk about my ocs again! And i found this challenge? ask list? and i liked it so enjoy the ride, i guess

Day 1 - Strength

Sinclair

6 - Barrel Chested  >> 8 - Circus Strongman | Strong Back, Heave, Ho!

How physically strong is your OC? Sinclair wasn’t a wimp to begin with - he did plenty of blue collar work before becoming an engineer and had some muscle to show for it. Then, soon after he embarked on a journey to get Benny and return the Platinum Chip, he decided to not go through the sacked Nipton and just go around - and got kidnapped by the Think Tank. After two weeks of dealing with them and returning his stolen organs Sinclair found that his spine got infused with some of the tech used to replace it - and it gave him some additional core strength. So in the end he is surprisingly strong for his not-that-buff frame.  

How good are they in melee or hand to hand combat? Sinclair is perfectly able to dish out some nasty punches and kicks, but he’ll lose against anyone with actual martial knowledge - Sinclair’s skill comes mostly from hectic brawls and having to stab and dismember ghost people at Sierra Madre as fast as possible.

Do they just punch things or are they trained in martial arts? Definitely the former - Sinclair never had much interest in learning martial arts, and even though he skimmed through a couple of manuals later in his life he never got far with it. When he has to fight in melee, he mostly tries to knock the opponent out and then finish them off from a safer distance.

Can they carry very heavy guns around easily or carry loads of supplies, or are they not that strong? He is absolutely that strong - he casually carries almost 300 lbs of stuff around (and some more if he had a couple of beers). It goes well with his tendency to over-pack - he probably has at least twice as many supplies and ammo than he would actually need at any given moment. 

Innocence

3 - Doughy Baby | Pack Rat, Weapon Handling

How physically strong is your OC? Ino is a walking definition of “noodle arms”. She has trouble wearing heavy armor and carrying more than a couple guns on her. Of course, she got a tiny bit of muscle built after having to run errands across the whole Mojave, but it still doesn’t help her that much.

How good are they in melee or hand to hand combat? Terrible! Being locked into melee is one of her many nightmares, and so Ino does her best to avoid it. Her inability to fight without guns has made her forced visit to Legion’s Fort even more terrifying than it already was - being surrounded by shitton of brutes with powerfists constantly reminded her of how screwed she was.

Do they just punch things or are they trained in martial arts? While she can’t use it effectively, Ino does know a couple of legitimate moves - like the counter that Veronica taught her or takedown from ranger Andy.

Can they carry very heavy guns around easily or carry loads of supplies, or are they not that strong? Ino’s not that strong and she knows it - and so she takes packing very seriously and always takes only the bare essentials - with the reasoning that it’ll be easier to find/buy something on the road and move faster rather than exhaust herself by carrying all the extra stuff, moving slowly and still having to buy some more supplies when it runs out early.

[lesbiandarvey]

she's so patronising to him though like a relationship like that would be so annoying. he doesn't need to be told what he feels and what to do about it every day. they're fine as besties but he doesn't want more

two questions: genuinely, im not trying to be snippy at all, is this in reference to something ive said? i checked my recent postings i couldn’t find anything?? and second, um you didn’t specify who you’re talking about .. im guessing donna and harvey on usa legal drama suits? im just gonna answer to the best of my ability, as if this is about donnaharvey which im like 90% sure it is?? okay

i mean, respectfully, i would certainly push back on the idea she “tells him what to do” cus she’s certainly his emotional intelligence like she tells him what hes thinking—or at least her interpretation of what he’s thinking. theres certainly evidence of that, the scene that comes to mind is its in late s3, and mike wants to leave to take the finance job, and harvey snaps at scottie, and donna (very gently) reprimands him for it, and she tells him he’s hurt not angry “you’re hurt and the anger covers the hurt, but i know you didn’t know that.” she definitely provides him with insight into his emotions, but in a way i would argue any friend would.

there’s also a scene from season 2(?) i think, where donna is trying to get harvey to pursue scottie and she tells him to his face “i know your mother hurt you but you need to get over it” or, in other words “sorry about your mommy issues but you need to grow the fuck up.” and again i think thats a perfectly reasonable thing to say as a friend to your friend—she sees him hurting and lonely and she can do something about it, all she needs to do is encourage him to seek out a relationship with a woman who loves him, i think that’s perfectly acceptable.

i really dont see how its patronizing in any way? i mean there are certainly a couple jokes like “men are so stupid lol” but nothing that has really stood out to me as anything different than 2010s network drama gender politics, and so few and far between i cant think of any specific instances off the top of my head.

second of all, to the best of my knowledge (having seen up to 6x05 atp), that all stops when he starts going to therapy. i cant think of a single instance after season 5 when she tells him what hes feeling (i mean maybe she does in seasons 7, 8 + 9 but i haven’t seen it so i cant say lol)

but from what ive seen, her telling him his emotions stops when he starts receiving therapy with a trained professional. and thats just healthy! yknow he no longer needs to be told what hes thinking because he’s learning more about himself and his reaction to trauma and how to be a more functionally stable adult. and after that is the only way he can keep and maintain a meaningful, productive relationship.

also, not to be crass but i 100% think harvey goes face down ass up when someone tells him what to do (especially if its mike or donna or jessica)

finally i do fully respectfully disagree that “theyre good as besties but he doesn’t want more” first of all, i think you might be confusing his repression and inability to parse his love for donna as a woman and his love for donna as a friend, as a lack of attraction. i think a) hes very repressed and messed up from his childhood so like, he can fuck people but loving people is a whole other story and b) he absolutely loves her as a friend, and i think he’s just boxed up his attraction and affection for her since they moved to pearson hardman 10(?) years ago.

second of all, gabriel macht and sarah rafferty you can tell has SOOOOO much fun together and they have so much chemistry, so i distrust any interpretation of donna and harvey that doesn’t think they wanna fuck each others brains out

what was i talking about? i dont think i have a closing statement, i just think donna and harvey’s relationship re:her telling him what to do is completely legitimate and follows a natural progression of two people trying to be healthy adults

[silenthearts]

Hello! I know I have not posted writing in ages! I also know that I have many requests in my inbox but Ive just need really disappointed with my writing so I have refrained from writing anything. However this is just something that popped into my mind! I may add to it if you guys wanna continue reading ☺️

Drug dealer Ellie (this is quite angsty tbh so prepare for feelings 🧷)

Warning: this includes sensitive topics like drug dealing, gang fights, weed, alcohol,death, implied sexual content, please read at your own risk.

"There's no way." you tell her as you move hastily throughout your apartment. You've been searching for your keys for at least half an hour and they seem to be nowhere to be found. You wonder if you've left them in your car or in the library, maybe the coffee shop but right now, Dina's proposal is fully occupying your brain. You aimlessly continue to look through the same places you've definitely looked before.

"Look, it's just one party, it's not gonna kill you" she tells you as you flip all the pillows on your couch for maybe the 4th time since you started looking.

"That's not the point-" 

"Then what is!" She cuts you off and you stop on your tracks and sigh.

"Listen, you need to have some fun, all you do is work and study, work and study, it's time you have a little break!" She gets up from her awkward position on the couch and holds you by the shoulders "for me?" She pouts and tries to meet your gaze even if you're trying to avoid hers.

Your eyes finally meet her pleading ones, you give her a big eye roll and and finally find yourself giving in as she exaggerates her pout even more. 

"Fine" you sigh "Yes!" She squeals and pulls you into a tight hug, which you begrudgingly accept. 

You would rather not go to this party. Not that you don't like partying or anything, you kind of enjoy them a bit too much, but not this one in particular. You can admit that you have been mostly focusing on work and studying, and cleverly avoiding anything to do with Frat Parties. Or specifically, anything to do with Ellie. 

"Oh I found your keys" she says as you're about to start looking again. She startles you by grabbing them from underneath her on the couch and chucking them at you.You barely manage to grab them and with a huff you quickly make your way through to the front door. 

XXX

You sit awkwardly on the very far side of a black leather couch. The brim of the old coffee table digs into your exposed knees as the couple beside you continue making out. You wonder if they're going to do it right there next to you. You scowl at the possibility and scan the busy living room around you. 

Dina had long left you for Jessie who dragged her immediately up the stairs. Dina shot you a 'sorry but not Sorry' look as Jessie held her hand and pulled her urgently up the steps, snaking through the people speckled around. Of course, you'd end up in an awkward corner with your peach iced tea holding steady in your hand as the pair next to you dry humps each other, her elbow sometimes digging onto your back and spilling just a little more of your drink. You didn't drink, you weren't a drinking person, not unlike someone you knew. 

The faces around you were mostly unknown, with the knowledge of a few of Ellie's clients. You knew she'd been lurking around tonight. Mostly because of the drunken jock doing lines of cocaine in front of you. 

You hope she would never find you in the main room of the house, she likes lurking around wherever the whisky and weed are. So you force yourself to sit in the busiest, loudest rooms of the house, all to avoid her. People dance around you in the huge space, a disco ball spins and different renditions of 2000's pop music dubstep remixes play loudly through the massive speaker set. 

You wonder how anyone could live in this house. 

Suddenly you feel the couch pillow under you disappear as you lose your balance and finally after so much bouncing and pushing and shoving, you end up falling in the middle of a group that stood next to you. 

Xxx 

You find the garden after mortifyingly leaving as the group of rowdy drunken people laughed at you. Maybe running into Ellie wouldn't be so bad now.

"You seem to be having a good night" Shit. 

"Yeah, I was" you sigh, your wet striped t-shirt clinging to your damp torso and showing the old ratty sports bra you refuse to throw out. She sighs and takes a drag out of her joint, offering it to you as a habit. And as a habit you take it and take a drag before your mind can say no, the habit of your normal ritual sipping into your muscles. You hate that your body acts before your mind does, it's how you got into this situation in the first place.  

"I haven't seen you in a while… you don't answer my texts" she says sadly. You nod as you exhale through your nose, the weed already calming your brain and letting your mask fall slightly. 

"I know. I'm busy" you confirm taking another drag of the joint, she has her hands in her hoodie pockets, sleeves slightly pulled up, her tattoo peeking from underneath the black fabric. 

The silence hangs between you for a little while.

 Ellie tries to let the silence hang longer, but it's too much. She wants to tell you, bloody hell she NEEDS to tell you. "Look, I'm sorry -" she starts but you quickly interrupt " I'm tired, Ellie." 

"Oh… I just… what happened the other night, I'm sorry, I really am-" 

"Sorry?? Ellie…" you sigh, tears already making their way to your eyes but you blink them away quickly as you finally turn to face her directly, she looks rough. Her left eye bruised, her mouth still has that massive cut that stretches onto her cheek. Her bruised knuckles bring the joint to her lips, one of her nails is still broken in half. 

"It was nothing okay? I was safe, it was just a deal-" 

"I don't care why it happened Ellie. We know why it happened. How safe could you have been when you look like that. When you showed up at my work like that. You could barely talk! For fucks sake you could barely stand!"

Ellie let's your words hang between the two of you, your teary eyes peering deeply into her own. 

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore…" your voice breaks " and unless you're willing to stop dealing drugs and getting yourself into gang fights, I can't do this." 

"That's not fair." Ellie says anger rising, enveloping her broken voice like a blanket "You know I have to do this, I have no choice!" She throws the half smoked joint onto the grass and stomps it with her foot. You really don't want to cry, but tears spill down your cheeks. 

"You know Abby is not going to let me off that easy-"  

"Ellie!" Someone waves their arm from the other side of the lawn and beckons her to go to them. Ellie waves and looks at you one last time. 

"This conversation isn't over" she says. She wants to hold your hand, she wants to explain that she was beaten up because she tried to stop. She tried telling them she was done. But she has debt, and debt with Abby needs to be paid off. She's ashamed she had to borrow money from her in the first place. But when Joel died, and his debts amounted onto her, Ellie had no choice. 

"You know what, I think it is" you storm off in the opposite direction, pushing yourself through the crowd of people until Ellie couldn't see you anymore, her heart hurt more than the bruises and cuts on her body. 

____

I hope this made sense haha, I did not proof read it. Hope you have enjoy, send me a message and I'll write more drug dealer Ellie!

[liampaynemysteriousdeath]

Idk if this allowed here and I mean this out of respect but his gf (Kate) is weird to me. As someone who has had to deal with an addict for a bf , I get it being a lot . I get it being intense and sometimes there antics they be doing way to much but there is no way in hell I would’ve left him at the hotel. I would at least make sure we are back home where he safe any maybe break things off or whatever after I know he’s getting help. His death is very weird and I’ll stand 10 toes down on this

Anythinh 1d/liam related is welcome :)

yeah I agree. I saw a comment yesterday that mentioned if she was so in love with him, then why didn't she call or FaceTime him. (Technically we dknt know if she did for sure or not). Also what crossed my mind, if she needed to take care of dogs, she couldn't have arranged for long term dog sitting? Just at least for a couple more days til his visa was approved.

Well to myknowledge he was clean. And he had just gotten a medical and drug check that he was clean. Doesn't mean people can't relapse though. Tha being said, I'm surprised everyone just writes him off as an addict. No one remembers demi lovato's situation of her drug dealer lacing her drugs so he could r@pe her. She was an addict yes, but also a victim too. She talks about it in her documentary. Shows camera footage even.

Also ive posted on here before about how carte(l)s run the resorts in Mexico. I assume its the same way in Argentina. There was a couple murdered in mexico and the next day or so, the caartel tuened in the murderers. Why? Because it looks bad for business. They want people to see thay the resorts are safe, or else its bad for their bottom line $$$.

There was a video I posted I believe yesterday about how liams hotel photos have been staged. I agree as well because supposedly wasn't he due to check out that day(which idk why he would check out if his visa still wasn't approved) because the wedding girls were supposedly gonna check into his room, but he doesn't look like he's trying to pack up. Room checkout is 12pm I believe and check-in from 3pm to 1159.

The YT video girl who believed the pics were staged, talks about how within 5 miles of liams hotel there have been a lot of drug related deaths and hospitalizations. (Also side note, someone in the comments mentioned she was called and threatened by a British man telking her to stop, so I think her theory is closest to the truth or else why would they tell her to stop.) Plus I found comments yesterday of a ladyfrom, buenos aires claiming they knew the truth when it happened, but it got covered up once th3 media started arriving.

as far as liam being addicted, there were a couple of videos of liam saying he was sober and making better choice. He was at a party and chose coke zero soda. And then on an ET video there was a clip of him saying "I'm sober now" that I posted on my blog

His GF seemed to like the lifestyle. There was a video clip of liam, kate, and a bunch of other people sitting at dinner celebrating and they all had champage glasses. A fan caught that liam was slightly ticked off. Because to my knowledge he wasn't drinking and it was basically a temptation for him. So kate could have been more supportive and not out him in temptingsituations. Not saying she had to give up alcohol, but when youlove someone, sometimes you sacrifice for their well-being.

Yeah I agree, there is no way I would've left someone i love in a foreign country.

Also things that been on my mind lately is there are no fan pics of him outside palermo. Only fan pics at hyatt. And judging from the leaked photo of his friend jo, liam looks miserable sitting on the bed of the hotel. The fact that liam kept putting double question marks over and over again is kinda strange... almost like he was desperate to talk to someone, and the manager from 911 call mentioned he had been there for 2-3 days. It almost seemed like he was being isolated on ourpose... *cough* roger controlling him supposedly and his social media.

So many people failed liam in his life . But are we the fans gonna let th happen in his death? He desevees justice. Sorry for rant, i just get passionate abbout finding the truth.

Here are a bunch of pics I've already posted, but it's just to get the newbies started so they can be caught up. There's a lot more ive discovered but it's too much to list in one post. Thanks!

[jxtp0sed]

Been back in Japan for a while now but just now getting used to not going to work everyday. It’s been a dream not having to take the congested trains for three hours every day 5-6 times a week omg! It is so so stressful!

Been prepping multiple versions of my resume and tons of cover letters, as well as taking some Japanese lessons (paid for with a stipend from my previous employer - s/o to Nihongonomori) and some MOOCs to level up my skills, alongside attending seminars at my local HelloWork. Getting lots and lots of rejections but trying not to lament though some days are better than others. I need to switch up my approach but also a relocation might be in the near future so I also need to start looking for positions up north… 👀

Remote would be a dream but they’re few and far between for sure…

Since I left my last employer I am proud to say I have booked a handful of model/talent gigs and it’s been such a thrill. I’m writing this on the Shinkansen to Tokyo for what is one of my biggest jobs yet. Of course before leaving Kansai I went through the motions of natural hair anxiety - and I just hope that the beauty team on set over the next couple days come with all their skills because I am going to give it 150% and I want to make sure the look match!!

I really need to get a trim and when I say trim I mean like cutting several inches off my ends (is it even ends anymore?!) because nevermind that I have hair for three people but my endssss whew do not put my blow dried hair in a room with a lit cigarette 😂

Is this a safe space? Anyone wanna take a guess how long it’s been since my last haircut?

Five years…

and before that it was a 4.5 year gap. My last salon visit before that was right before moving to Japan lol I have basically only gotten a haircut that one time since I moved to Japan ten years ago and I didn’t even get the haircut at the 4.5 year mark IN Japan. I’m just really apprehensive about the level of natural/Black haircare knowledge and have lots of childhood salon trauma. I just want to be treated with dignity and walk out happy. 😢 but at this point and with my goals in mind I need to get my hair together and I need help doing it.

I need to find someone who knows how to do a proper blowout since I only ever cut my hair dry. What a struggle in itself and so here we are.

THAT aside

Very thankful for everything so far. I find it ironic that I have the opportunity to take modeling more seriously at this stage in my life. Sometimes I think like damn I’m (re)starting so late - but then I tell myself immediately to shut up, that my timing is the right timing and I’m also immediately reminded of what my mom said before I moved to Japan (she didn’t want me to come after the Fukushima disaster - I still came to jpn for the first time that very August on vacation but) she said “I’m not gonna say anything because I know you’re are going to do what you want” and I don’t think she meant it dismissively, but I think it finally hit her that I ammmm stubborn af and thus also really determined to at least TRY something I’m motivated to do if I think it’s at all possible. Shoutout to my Taurus risings!!

She tried to shoot down my model dreams when I was younger but I mean we was poor and I was the first to go to college like what you mean you wanna take pictures as a job looool

Somehow I feel I’m finding my way step by step. :)

Wish me luck!! My sleep schedule is 💩 and I have very early start times starting tomorrow. Wish I could share more about the project but you’ll find out in time cuz I won’t shut up once it’s out 😂 will post recent work in the meantime

Ganbarimasuuu

[marmolita]

are we just cursed in December or??? details behind the cut, cw for cancer, death (don't worry me and my husband and kids are fine)

So last December we went to visit my family for the holidays as usual and it was kind of a total nightmare. Mr Lita was having panic attacks because we found that chipmunks had excavated a city under our porch and destabilized it and he was afraid of rodents getting into our house, my sister had COVID, and Southwest airlines totally fucked up so that we had to book a different flight home days later than we intended. It was altogether a miserable month.

This year, my mom's coming out here and everything was looking good! Mr Lita was doing fine, nothing's wrong with the house, etc.

Except, we just found out his dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This was literally a couple days ago so we don't have much info yet but his parents had a friend pass from pancreatic cancer recently and it was only six weeks from her diagnosis to passing. He's already trying to sort out his financial papers and make funeral plans and he hasn't even had a biopsy yet. I believe he intends to only seek palliative or hospice care, which tbh is very reasonable given the extremely short timeline for most people with pancreatic cancer.

The day after we found that out, my kid who has anxiety and emetophobia had her first major panic attack in months because having a cold with a wet cough freaked her out, and is still not quite back to her normal yet. We haven't told the kids about their grandpa's cancer yet.

My mom's coming out to spend the holidays with us next Friday and I'm like gosh!!! How am I gonna make this a fun holiday season for my kids when their grandpa is dying!!! How am I gonna make sure my anxious kid doesn't start having panic attacks about whether she herself might have cancer!!! I don't know if he's going to die in two weeks or a month or six months and I don't know how to plan fun things for my kids with the knowledge that we may have to cancel at any moment if things go south even faster than they already are.

My sister-in-law is on vacation in New Zealand for this entire month so gosh I hope he at least has a month of time so she can get back to see him. He has a biopsy on Tuesday and his first appointment with the oncologist the day after Christmas which seems interminably far away. I feel completely helpless to help my in-laws or my husband right now and I fucking suck at keeping a brave face because i will cry at a moment's notice.

We're going to have to tell the kids tomorrow I think because my brother-in-law is gonna come down and they'll want to get together and so they'll need to know. I know it's better for my kids if I can be calm and confident talking to them about it but I simply cannot have a conversation about this without bawling.

And I wanted to do all this fun stuff with my kids and my mom for Christmas! And I know that my father in law wants my kids to be happy and having fun and not worrying about him! But how am I supposed to do that!! My sister and her family are coming a couple days after Christmas too and idk whether everything will be fine or whether there will be additional drama there. 😩 What do I do if he takes a turn for the worse very rapidly and doesn't even make it through the month?

I kind of hate how this part of it was easier at least when my dad passed away. He was in ill health for a long time and we knew he probably wouldn't be around more than another year but we didn't have a specific terminal outcome for most of that time so it was easy to not think about it too much. Then when he couldn't do dialysis anymore it was basically a very specific timeline and we knew he would not be around more than two weeks from that point. It was awful and I hated it but at least we knew.

[buffyandwillow]

Just saw your post, hope you survived yesterday. Can’t stop recommending Ted Lasso to everyone, it makes me feel good. Also this is less of a hot take and more of a general wondering, but i always find myself thinking about Anya in the pockets of time she’s not part of the scoobies. Like right after she looses her powers and she’s stuck as a teenager: how does she get money, an apartment, a car, who are her friends… logistically i have so many questions but also emotionally we never see her cope with that enormous transition. I think i’ve brought this up before but the possibilities are always running around my head.

thanks dali <33 i have survived (mostly)... i really enjoyed the first 2 seasons of ted lasso!! gonna watch the news eps soon :') anya ramblings:

i was wondering recently about how anya afforded an apartment before working at the magic box. i have thought long and hard and so far, here's where i'm at:

she seems sort of lonely/alone at first, and d'hoffryn definitely didn't check in on her to see if she was ok, but i wonder if hallie did. i know they didn't keep in super close contact, since in older and far away hallie had been invited to the wedding but she didn't seem to know xander at all. i suddenly like the idea, though, that she visited anya at least a couple times in s3-4, starting immediately after she hears from the other vengeance demons that anyanka isn't one of them anymore.

maybe hallie helped settle some debts to get anya some money. i bet a ton of demons owe anya favours. she's been around such a long time! and hallie's teleportation skills would be helpful for reaching contacts in other countries/dimensions. also, despite the humour of anya's "and i'm flunking math" comment, she proves to be good at practical math and accounting in s5 - i am sure she remembers exactly how much various people owe her, down to the cent.

while anya doesn't have any type of traditional job before working at the magic box, she clearly pays for goods and services (she acquires an entire human wardrobe, she goes to get her hair done, she eats and drinks, etc). for some reason, i can imagine anya actually being somewhat rich, which could be why she never seems concerned about money, and treats getting a job as kind of a fun new experience. while the job does enrich her life, and she loves money, it never seems to be about earning money so that she can afford things she needs. she already could afford things. she just liked being part of a larger system (which i find very interesting about her, but which feels like another topic).

i can't see her stealing the money (although... she does pull off that bank robbery in him dkhjgh), can't see her buying lottery tickets /winning the lottery, can't see her having a demon uh. sugar daddy., can't see her ever having opened a bank account in her demon days that's just grown a ton of interest (although... interesting... actually, not fully against that), really the question is fascinating and i can't believe it was never addressed!

anyway - say she and/or hallie dig up some funds for her to live comfortably on her own. that would secure physical things like shelter/clothes/food. but emotionally... i actually can't see her having much of an emotional support system for this big transition (hallie wouldn't get it, not really), and that makes me sad. she latches on to xander, but he's only somewhat helpful... (i am guessing maybe xander and giles--idk, he has adulting knowledge--helped her get some ID.) she has a lot of friends and acquantainces in hell's bells, from her demon days - but how many of them ever came to see if she was doing OK after the wish? impossible to say - we do know she wasn't close enough to any of them to invite them to be in her wedding party, though.

there are characters i wish she'd gotten to interact more with, truly, because i think that they could have helped or understood her situation. spike, for one, seems to Get her to some extent. we get a couple moments where they commiserate about having once been feared - but there's nothing to imply they ever hung out outside of the scoobies, and i sadly doubt they did. and tara! tara and anya, the scooby outsiders, supporting their partners but always feeling a little left to the side.

the questions still remain, though. i'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this! feel free to send meta recs etc. i love theorizing about anya!

[drowned-debris]

@dotflowweek Day 7: No Effect, Sabitsuki’s Room, Social Isolation, Rust, Rooftop, Mood Swings

(Note: this story is a direct sequel to what i wrote for my day 6 submission)

…

Is it too late now?

The question sticks in her mind, suffocating her other thoughts until only it remains. In the boredom of rusting away, she’s asked herself the same questions hundreds of times, but… this one is new, and try as she might, Sabitsuki can’t think of a suitable answer.

It’s not like anything is particularly keeping her in her room. Sure, it’s safer, but what’s the point if all she’s doing is just waiting to die? And Rust isn’t contagious, so there’s no real point in quarantining. Her main fear was always being found— but then again, it’s been years now. They likely will have given up searching for her by now.

Even so… can she just leave? Is it really that simple?

Sabitsuki reaches up and pinches her cheek. This would be better to think on in the real world, instead of the Flow’s dirty old sewers.

Her perception warps and reassembles into the familiar image of her room. Quiet, calm. Lonely.

She looks at her reflection in the empty black screen of the computer. Her face looks haggard, her hair unkempt and greasy from months without washing. The light in her eyes dims by the day, as the bags underneath them grow more pronounced. She can see some blotches and stains on her shirt, likely from the occasional spilt food during her bland, lifeless meals.

“Gross…” She mumbles to herself. But, despite that… she knows a lot of people around here go outside looking even worse than this. She’s lucky the Rust has barely manifested externally so far— most of the damage has been internal, so she won’t be causing any screams of terror, at least.

Hold on. What was that thought just now? That’s not right— she hasn’t decided she’s going to go outside yet, just that it’s a possibility.

And yet… she can’t deny that she wants to. It’s not like she has hope for herself, or anything; even if by some miracle a cure for Rust had been found, she wouldn’t hear about it. As far as Sabitsuki is aware, they intend on letting all knowledge that Rust ever existed die with the ones infected by it.

But maybe she can… at least do something before she dies. She still has some time left— the decaying process is a different length for everyone, but she should probably have at least a couple more months in her before she kicks the bucket. Who knows, maybe she’ll even reunite with one of her friends…?

…No, that thought is a little too optimistic for her tastes. She shouldn’t expect much from leaving her apartment— this town will be the same shithole it always has been, and nobody will care about her because she abandoned everyone who did.

Still, there’s no reason not to go and confirm that theory. The only thing there is to stop her is how much effort it feels like; after wasting away in her room for so long, she worries that it might be just too much work for her.

No point in putting it off, though. Her condition is only gonna get worse.

Slowly, Sabitsuki pushes away from her desk and stands up, surveying the room around her. Her gaze passes from her bed, to the rug, to the dusty old TV screen, and finally to the door. Is it really as simple as just… leaving?

Well, only one way to find out.

She steps towards it hesitantly, and extends her hand towards the doorknob. It moves at a snail’s pace, but it moves. After a few seconds of suspense, her fingers make contact. Next thing she knows, she’s wrenching it to the side and pulling with all her might, with a determination she hasn’t felt in years.

It reminds her of when she was fleeing the hospital; that feeling of breaking free from a prison, of doing something with herself. Before the Rust, before the hospital and Oreko and the Parade Ward and all of that, she took her freedom for granted.

Not anymore.

***

The faint tinkle of a music box echoes through the room. Occasionally, it stalls on a note, then skips over the next few to catch up. Seems like the fall it apparently endured harmed it quite a bit. Despite that, the melody remains mostly clear— consistent enough to not be annoying, at least. When he gave it to his sister for safekeeping, he impressed upon her the importance of making sure it didn’t sustain any more damage; when he gives it back to its rightful owner, he wants it to be as pristine as possible.

And he will give it back, Smile thinks to himself. He will. No matter how long it takes to find her.

He stares solemnly at the slightly beaten crank before looking back down at the map on his desk. The paper has a couple of old, faded stains on it from those long nights that he used to drink coffee to stay awake— he’s long since given up doing that ever since he ran out of leads. Some of the areas and buildings on the map have Xs on them; those are the places he can confidently say she isn’t in, but… even after all this time, there aren’t many he’s been able to cross off. If only this fucking town was smaller, he’s sure he’d have found her by now.

Smile has already found every single damn clue Sabitsuki left behind— he located the hospital, interrogated the doctors, solved her escape plan, questioned the witnesses at the Sugar Hole, and more. But it was ultimately useless. None of those led him to her; instead, he just made a lot of enemies he didn’t want to make. He tried to spend as little time as possible in that strange hospital— his gut was telling him that investigating that place, that disease all the patients there were suffering from, would’ve only led to trouble. Even so, he got everything he needed. His original intention by going there was to see if she left anything that would hint to her whereabouts after escaping, but… no such luck. What a waste of time.

The only thing of value he found was the music box. It’s handmade, by the looks of it; the drawings on the sides, though not exactly masterpieces, are definitely meant to resemble Sabitsuki and someone else. He tried to track down its creator or the person featured in the art, but hit a dead end and had to give up. He’s had to give up too many times in this damn search.

At first, he put up missing person posters. He wasn’t expecting there to be any results, and there weren’t— except for every single poster being taken down the next day. Whoever did it only took down the ones of Sabitsuki, leaving the myriad of other disappearance notices untouched. He could’ve reported a missing person to the police, but what little police force exists here is hopelessly corrupt and useless. Besides, he’d rather not risk himself or Sabitsuki by going anywhere near the law.

Smile employs a philosophy of “If you want something done right, do it yourself”. That’s why he decided to start personally investigating her disappearance. In doing so, he uncovered a lot of mysteries— but he doesn’t care about any of them. They won’t lead him to Sabitsuki, so they’re pointless to try to solve.

The music box reaches the end of its song, and he sighs. No use just sitting here. He’ll go take a walk, clear his head a bit. Maybe that’ll help him finally make a breakthrough.

***

Instinctively, she raises her arm to shield her face from the wind. It’s cold and harsh up here, whipping at her like it wants to push her back into her sad little room. But she stands firm against it, and keeps walking forward across the rooftop.

It’s daytime. The sun, though concealed by drab grey clouds, is in the sky. And Sabitsuki is alive.

She steps over to the railing and carefully peers over. The town unfolds below her. She tries to make out the place she used to stay, but it’s too far away to be seen from here. Same with the alleyway that the hospital was in.

Even if this place is ugly, seeing it again after so long makes her undeniably happy. She thinks that maybe she’d rather live the way she used to, uncertain but resilient, taking whatever life throws at her, than spend the rest of her days rotting in that apartment. Nostalgia is a strange thing, huh?

Before she heads back down from the rooftop, she tries to figure out what to do next. No way she’s going back to the hospital, that’s for sure— but she doesn’t remember these streets like she used to, and getting lost around these parts is not something she wants to experience.

…Who is she kidding? There’s only one place to go: Smile’s house. She has no idea what he thinks of her now; whether he hates her for leaving, misses her, or if he’s just gonna act like he didn’t care, the same way he always did back in the day. But she intends to find out. Unfortunately, she’s only been there once, so she can’t remember where exactly it is. That’s fine, though— Sabitsuki thinks that she’ll recognise it if she explores enough. Might take a few hours, but it’s not like she has anything better to do.

Her plan now solidified in her mind, she steps away from the railing and heads back inside the building. No time to lose. She isn’t sure what exactly the time is, but she definitely does not want to still be wandering around in town come nightfall.

Carefully, like she might slip and fall at any moment, she walks down the empty stairway of the apartment building she lives in. Sabitsuki hasn’t come back through here a single time since she arrived that day; but there’s a first time for everything, she thinks.

As she arrives in the lobby, her movement comes to a stop as her eyes meet another person’s.

This… is not what she was expecting.

***

He shivers. The frigid air is cutting deep today— maybe he should’ve worn an extra layer. Whatever, he’ll survive.

His feet carry him along a familiar path through town. He and Sabi used to visit this tiny place, tucked in a little nook a few streets from the school, when they wanted to grab a bite to eat. The food wasn’t the best, but it was warm, and cheap. The two were regulars there, so they got a decent discount, which helped.

Since Sabitsuki’s disappearance, he’s come there a few times, always alone. The first time he went was while he was putting up posters; the guy who runs the place was disturbed to see him go there without her, and jokingly asked whether they’d broken up. Smile chuckled sadly, and responded by asking him if he could put up some of the missing person posters around his shop.

The other times, he would visit if he was in the area and needed some sustenance; though he made sure not to spill any too important secrets, the guy working there was curious to know how the search was going, so Smile would occasionally give updates.

He hasn’t been in a while, though— mostly out of shame for not turning up anything after all this time. Caring for his sister and investigating Sabitsuki’s disappearance is basically his whole life now, but… he’s still managed to mess up. He tries not to be too hard on himself for things outside of his control, but… sometimes the feeling of guilt just gets the better of him. Even when he’s happy or relaxed, it doesn’t take much to flip into a state of constant regret. Maybe if he’d just…

No. He can’t think like that. If he thinks that way, thinks in what-ifs, it’ll consume him from the inside.

Coming to the end of his route, Smile looks at the entrance. He was feeling a bit hungry, anyway— may as well go somewhere familiar.

The little bell at the top of the door chimes as he steps in, enjoying the rush of warm air. Like usual, there’s no other customers; it’s not exactly the most popular place in town for food.

Quickly, the man comes hurrying out of the back room to greet him. His face lights up upon recognising Smile.

“Smile!? Haven’t seen you here in a while! How’ve you been, kid?” The man ushers him into a seat and sits down opposite him.

He shrugs. “Well… haven’t been able to find anything new since last time, unfortunately.”

The cook frowns. “Well, that’s a shame, but… you can’t give up yet! Keep your head held up high, that’s what my pa always told me!” He offers Smile an encouraging grin.

“Right. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Anyway, uh, I’ll have my usual.”

He nods and stands up, heading back behind the counter. “Right away!”

As he cooks, Smile settles into his seat and turns to look out the window. He’s thankful for the positivity, even if he himself isn’t quite feeling it. But he was telling the truth when he said he doesn’t plan on stopping— he’ll find her. No matter what it takes.

Before he knows it, the food is being delivered to his table. As he digs in, he decides to chat with the cook a little.

“So… how’s business been?”

“Business? Business’s been great! Been getting some more customers as of late. Some odd fellows around here these days, but they pay well and don’t cause a fuss, so I’m fine with ‘em, hahaha!” He laughs heartily.

“That’s good to hear. You ever planning on expanding?”

“Expanding, son? No way! As long as I’m getting a good amount of customers, I’m happy to stay as just a cosy little joint.” “That makes sense.” He nods.

“Yeah… I like this part of town! It’s quiet, not as shady as the others. Good place to set up a little homemade business, y’know?” As he finishes speaking, his eyes dart to each side suspiciously and he leans closer to Smile. “Although… there was one weird-looking thing I saw earlier that I just couldn’t make heads or tails of.”

He finishes up his food, and responds. “Oh? What was it?”

The man gestures outside the window, to the street. “Well, I was in the middle of preparing an order earlier, and I happened to look outside… there was a truck driving along the street, normal stuff, but… I could’ve sworn that when I looked inside the window —not on purpose, mind you!— the driver was wearing… a gas mask? And their clothes were like… one of those old-timey maid outfits, you know the ones.”

Smile’s heart stops.

His gaze snaps upward to meet the other man’s, with unbridled intensity in his eyes. His expression is dead serious. “Where. Were they going.”

Shocked at the sudden transformation, the cook stumbles over his words. “Uh, well, I think, um… if I recall, it was… over that way.” He points in a direction. The moment he does so, Smile is gone.

He dashes out of the door without another word, and begins sprinting full speed down the street. If they are here, there must be something very important going on. Even if it isn’t her, it could very well be a new lead.

His muscles scream at him to stop running, but he continues. Even one second could make all the difference right now. He needs to keep going. His footsteps are loud and echo in the empty streets as he desperately sprints through.

It takes about a minute of non stop running, but Smile spots them. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a truck pulled up right outside an apartment building, with people in uniform scattered around facing inside— one of whom is wearing a familiar maid outfit and gas mask.

Carefully, keeping his breathing as steady as possible despite all the exertion he was forcing himself through moments ago, he approaches, trying not to be noticed. They all seem to be focused on whatever’s in the lobby of the building, paying no heed to anything behind them. Smile sneaks behind the truck for cover, then peers around it to take a look as he listens to them talk.

He’ll never forget what he sees there for the rest of his life.

It’s her. Sabitsuki.

He found her.

***

It feels like a sick joke. Like the universe itself is conspiring against her. She finally gathers enough courage to leave her room and face her regrets, and… this is what’s waiting for her. Ready to pull her back down into despair.

Pretty bold of them to do it in broad daylight, she’ll give them that. They must be pretty confident in how powerful they are. Sabitsuki doubts anyone around here is stupid enough to interfere with something like this.

“...What do you want?” She asks, bluntly. Her voice is croaky from disuse.

The Cleaner —she doesn’t know what the proper name for these intimating maids is, but that’s what the patients always called them— takes a step forward from the others and clears their throat. Despite coming from behind a gas mask, their voice is perfectly clear, though somewhat tinny.

“We have come… to collect you.”

She coughs a couple of times, staring down at the floor. “Well… there isn’t much left to collect.” Then she looks back up to meet the gaze behind that eerie mask. “...Why bother, anyway? It’s been… it’s been fucking years.” She isn’t massively confident in that estimate, but it sounds about right.

The maid shakes their head— a slow, deliberate motion. “You carry the Rust within you. It is our duty to contain you.”

“Contain…? You already know it isn’t infectious. What’s the point of doing all that?”

“It is not because of the Rust. It is because of what you know.” They pick up something from behind them; she quickly recognises it as a chainsaw. They must have been prepared to hurt her. “You… are evidence of something that should not be known.”

Sabitsuki carefully eyes the weapon, taking a step backwards. “...That doesn’t look much like a containment procedure to me.”

“Do not resist… and I will not have to use it. But if you’d like… I can grant you a swift death.”

Hell no. Not when the fire of life only just started to burn within her again. Not a chance.

“SABI!”

The yell explodes from behind them, and all of the people jolt in surprise. Sabitsuki feels like that voice is familiar, but she can’t quite place it…

Until the source of the shout comes barreling straight past the Cleaner and into the lobby with them.

Her eyes widen as she instantly recognises him. Standing there, covered in sweat, is the black-haired menace to society himself: Smile.

The maid quickly recovers from their surprise. “Perfect… you’ve saved us the trouble of hunting you down.” 

As much as she wants to talk to him, the time for tearful reunions is later, so Sabitsuki focuses on the situation. She can’t fail, not now. “Him…? What the fuck could you possibly want with him?”

Smile can already guess what he’s done to attract their attention; he was too curious for his own good, and now they intend on punishing him. Tough luck. He’s not dying yet.

“His pointless search for you… became a nuisance… a thorn in our side. He must be disposed of… as must you.” She turns on the chainsaw. Smile inwardly curses himself for not bringing a weapon when he went outside; it’s common sense here, but it seems he got a bit too comfortable. Even so, he’ll find a way.

Sabitsuki gulps, and mentally readies herself. She hasn’t been in a fight since her escape from the hospital, and she’s grown even weaker since then. At least she has an ally this time.

A few seconds of fierce glares pass between them. Then the maid charges forward, and the desperate fight for their lives begins.

The two dive in opposite directions as the first attack comes their way. Sabitsuki jumps to the left, towards the corner of the room, where a long-abandoned receptionist desk sits. How familiar. Smile leaps the other way, towards the door to the stairwell.

The maid frees their chainsaw from the wall, and turns to the tattooed boy. She probably knows that, being healthy, he’s the bigger threat.

Sabitsuki’s eyes dart to the entrance of the lobby. The other people there in front of the truck all seem to be unarmed— if the Cleaner is defeated, they’ll have no choice but to scatter.

Easier said than done, though; first, she needs to get the attention of their attacker. Smile’s not getting killed on her watch.

She scrambles around the desk. She sees a telephone and reaches for it, but then notices it’s cordless. Fuck. There goes that idea. Next to it, though, is a mug— perfect.

She grabs the cup by the handle and, using every ounce of strength in her body, flings it full force at the back of the maid’s head. Should’ve worn a full helmet, dipshit.

“Gah!” The Cleaner hisses in pain as the mug shatters against the back of their skull, and whips around to face Sabitsuki. “...You first, then.”

Okay, mission accomplished. They’re not targeting him anymore… but now she has to deal with them instead.

…She may not have thought this entirely through.

Smile, on the other side of the lobby, sees his opportunity the moment they turn around. No way in hell he’s letting them get Sabi. Darting forward, he grabs at their braided hair and tugs with all his might, preventing them from moving forward.

They grunt in annoyance and swing their body around. Surprised, he doesn’t have time to react, and the braid tears off of the maid. Unable to regain his balance quickly enough, Smile tumbles backwards onto the floor, the disconnected length of hair falling out of reach, and frantically pushes himself away as fast as he can.

The Cleaner takes a couple of steps forward, raising their chainsaw before striking swiftly down towards him. He scrambles back just enough that the slash hits the floor in the space between his legs. This is bad.

Sabitsuki, witnessing this, races up behind them and picks up the braided hair from the floor. This might not work, but it should at least give Smile a moment to get away.

Sprinting towards the maid, she reaches forward and around with the braid, and tugs hard before they can react. Using hair as an improvised garrote was not something she ever expected to do, but neither is anything she’s done in the last few years. As the Cleaner coughs and splutters into their mask, Smile stands up and backs away.

Unfortunately, strangling someone to death takes more strength than she has in her rusted state. The maid’s elbow lunges backwards and strikes Sabitsuki hard in the stomach, forcing her to let go of the hair and stumble away.

Both sides of the battle turn to face each other from opposite sides of the lobby. If a gas mask could make expressions, the two imagine it would be contorted in anger right now.

As they carefully watch each other for movement, Sabitsuki’s eyes flick upwards. There’s exposed pipework running below the ceiling here— lazy on the part of whoever built this place, but useful for her. She nudges Smile, and he notices too.

As she backs away slowly to avoid arousing suspicion, he glares at the Cleaner, putting as much hatred and malice into it as possible.

“What, are you fucking scared?” He taunts. “If you wanna kill me, come and fucking kill me!” He follows it up by spitting at them from across the room.

They take the bait, lifting their black chainsaw and charging at him. As they begin to pick up speed, Sabitsuki makes her move.

She jumps onto the desk, sending various useless items scattering everywhere, then leaps off of it, heading for Smile. He braces himself and leans forward, allowing her to land on his shoulders and keep her momentum long enough to jump off.

The Cleaner sees all this, but can’t do anything to dodge the incoming attack; the weight of the chainsaw carries them forward even when they don’t want to.

After using Smile as a stepping stone, Sabitsuki catches herself on the exposed iron pipe and swings her legs forward. Though she is weak on her own, the momentum has enough force to cause considerable damage— and it does so.

Her feet connect. Gas masks aren’t made to protect from physical attack, so the impact is barely reduced.

“Urgh!” The maid stumbles backwards, clutching at their face. She has no way of knowing, but hopefully she broke something. Sabitsuki quickly rejoins Smile near the desk, not confident enough to go on a full offensive.

The Cleaner moves their arm from their face, and reaches down to rev their chainsaw. The two get ready to dodge, but as the injured maid moves forward, it becomes clear that they aren’t the targets of this attack; rather, the pipes are.

Smile tugs Sabitsuki behind the desk for cover as the Cleaner starts going berserk on the unfortunate piping. Worryingly, the chainsaw cuts through them easily, and nothing comes out of them once destroyed.

“Goddamn, that thing’s strong,” he mutters.

After they’ve gotten their destructive impulse out of the way, they turn their attention back to the two bastards who have caused them so much trouble. Sabitsuki, meanwhile, has thought of another plan— one that might be able to put an end to this fight.

The two split up to avoid an incoming attack; this one slices the desk clean in half. Smile stays near the fallen pieces of the pipe. The longest is around 2 feet in length— definitely a good size to kill with. Meanwhile, Sabitsuki advances on the spot where the braided hair fell. She’s killed a couple of times before, but this will definitely be the weirdest method she’s used.

Smile manages to keep the attention of the Cleaner mostly focused on him; as they engage in a terrifying game of cat & mouse around the room,  she sneaks up behind the distracted maid.

In a split second, she stoops down and uses the braid as a sort of tripwire around their feet. They don’t notice until it’s too late, stumbling over it and falling face first onto the floor.

The moment they trip, Smile darts over to the long pipe and picks it up. The window here is only a few seconds— better make it count.

The Cleaner starts to pick themselves up.

They’re too slow.

He raises the pipe, and…

Crack.

***

All things considered, today could have gone worse.

It’s likely that that won’t be the end of it; the people trying to kill her and Smile aren’t the type to give up after just one defeat. They’ll be back, and they won’t pull any punches next time.

But as she sits here, huddled up beneath a blanket as she sips on warm tea, Sabitsuki finds it hard to care. She’s dying either way— the key, she thinks, is to live without thinking about the future. And besides… it was fun to watch those cowards all drive away in their truck.

“Talk about speaking truth to power, heh…” she mumbles to herself, before taking another sip of her drink. Smile and his sister went to get something for her from the basement; a present, apparently, though she has no clue what it could be.

What’s she going to do after this? Sabitsuki muses on that question while she waits. She already thought about this earlier, but… there’s nowhere for her to go back to. She supposes then, if Smile lets her, she’ll move in here, with him and his sister. It shouldn’t be a difficult transition— she only has a few possessions she’d need to bring over, then she’s all set.

…She’s getting ahead of herself, though. Hell, a few years ago, she’d try to ignore those thoughts entirely— fantasising about moving in with him would’ve been a ridiculous notion back then. But as it turns out, life has a funny way of flipping things around.

Even so, it’s not like he’s agreed to anything. Best not get her hopes up.

The sound of footsteps rouses her from her thoughts, and she looks up to see the pair of misfit siblings returning. Smile is holding something in his hands, but he shifts them to cover it when she tries to discern what it is. What an ass.

His sister eagerly plops down onto a beanbag in the corner of the room, intently watching her brother and Sabitsuki. Just what exactly is she about to be given…?

Smile sits down on the couch next to her, and she raises an eyebrow. “...You sure like to drag things out.”

He sticks his tongue out at her like a kid, and she can’t help but giggle.

“Well…” he says. “I might be wrong about this, but… is this yours, by any chance?” He uncovers the object, and Sabitsuki’s jaw drops.

Sitting there in his hands, slightly beaten but still easily recognisable, is the music box. The one she thought she’d never see again.

“Holy shit…” she says, slowly reaching for it. “I… where did you find this?”

He hands it to her with no resistance, and she cradles it close to her chest as he speaks. “When I was investigating your disappearance, I thought it might be useful to figure out how you escaped the hospital. So I went around collecting evidence, and… that’s when I found this.”

Sabitsuki places it down on the table beside her and admires it. The drawings of her and Oreko, while somewhat scratched, make her heart feel full just as much as they always did. She remembers the day the girl gave this to her like it was yesterday— she was heartbroken when she had to use it for her escape. But, by some miracle… it was recovered.

No. Not because of a miracle— because of Smile.

She looks back at him, bearing an expression of heartfelt gratitude on her face.

“Smile… thank you. You didn’t have to… you didn’t have to do any of this for me. You could’ve just ignored me going missing, but you… thank you. Just… thank you.”

Maybe her vision is getting poorer due to the Rust, but she swears she sees a blush on his face before he turns away. “Well… I did.”

Smile’s sister giggles from the corner of the room. “Hehe… now, kiss!” She puts her fingers together to make the shape of a rectangle, then peers through it with one eye like a camera.

Both of them turn to glare at her simultaneously, and she squeals with laughter. He turns back to Sabitsuki and rolls his eyes, but there’s a hint of a smile touching the corners of his lips.

Sabitsuki thinks that maybe… spending the rest of her life like this doesn’t sound too bad.

[mistfallengw2]

And now, to ramble away my thoughts about my OCs in this story

So, Aurelia is in this all by herself (and with her skyscale, though I guess it took her a couple days to get there at least?). She's very happy to see Zojja, very much NOT happy about the "fractals" (trauma-wise she's recovered for the most part, but the anger for the people in the experiments is strong, having been through it herself), fully supportive of Zojja's choices, still very dubious about Isgarren's methods (the "I'd save the farm" line hits even harder because the first thing she did once out of the Mists and partially recovered was saving Markus, his mother who didn't trust her yet and their farm!), and quite intrigued by Peitha on a level she can't describe. Also Taimi mentions we've been up there for weeks with no contact... so I'm not sure how her family is taking it. Like I joked in the other post, they're rightfully anxious, yet probably getting ready for whatever world-ending bs she's gonna come back from and talk them into fighting alongside her. Like it was with Cantha, they ain't wrong, again, but this time it's already for far longer than that time... how long are we going to canonically keep this a secret?

One negative thing though? I was sure I'd get a clearer "canon" for what happened to Aurelia during her time lost in the Mists, but I'm more confused than before >:/ The corruption and her issues with her powers haven't changed, but now I'm not sure I want to go for the demonic route... and I kinda like even more the concept of keeping it a mystery, or having it be multiple things at once (fractal with Void-demons was one of those I liked the most). I dunno T_T For sure Peitha adds something about it, like she mentions the ripple of her death, yet different and now fainter than it was back then.

-

As for other characters that are actually in the Astral Ward? Both Okami and Haidee (plus Dorrya) could fit into it nicely at some point, but I also have doubts atm. Noiza would probably enjoy being there (even more knowledge and books!), but only if it could go back to the Priory from time to time (it has grown too fond of Kendra and the skyscales there). Other background characters are gonna get the perfect upgrade to their story soon :)

[inamindfarfaraway]

It would be very fun to see Scar and Zira actually interact as a couple. They’re ✨so in love.✨ They’re treating this escape from the afterlife like a honeymoon. They just happen to also be the worst people ever.

Timon: Wait a minute. You’re Zira… and you’re in the body of Zira’s son, who she raised from birth… and you’re flirting?

Scar: What gave you the impression that the bonds of family mean anything to either of us?

Zira: We’re here for revenge on our disgraceful descendants. What better way to fuck them than -

Timon: NO! NO! SHUT UP! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Scar: You asked.

But seriously, if Kiara and Kovu are conscious but trapped - which of course they are, because that’s amazingly angsty - then that’s… that’s rapey. That’s really rapey. It does line up with the stage musical song “The Madness of King Scar”, so. Yikes.

Simba, Nala, Vitani, Kovu and Kion having to deal with their old abusers again would be so painful. Can you imagine how much the villains would revel in exploiting their intimate knowledge of their family and their traumas? Especially the traumas they caused? Scar would taunt Simba so gleefully while trying to kill his loved ones in front of him. Or to kill Simba in front of his kids to replicate his original crime, with Kion and the possessed Kiara forced to watch; in turn triggering Kion’s trauma, since Scar is back and his dad is gonna die and it’s on him to stop it again! I can see his friends and Rani (maybe leaving her family to run the Tree of Life) helping him cope and save the Pridelands. No way they’re letting him fight Scar alone.

And Zira would be absolutely venomous to Vitani and her team of “traitors”. Vitani is better at holding herself together than her in-laws and mostly acts angry and done with her parents. She tries to focus on Scarvu, both because he never directly hurt her as far as she can remember, so there’s hate to fuel her without fear to hold her back, and she knows how Kovu fights (though Scar’s cunning does complicate things) and what he can and can’t take. Her first words onscreen were “Hey Kovu, wanna fight?” She is not having the Pridelanders’ conflict about being violent with their possessed family. She also carries a lot of emotional weight to Kovu that could help him challenge Scar’s control. And you know she’s gonna rub her Roar of the Elders in Scar’s face. But Zira won’t be ignored. The first time her mother attacks her Vitani feels so much like a little cub again that she can’t even fight back, at least until someone else intervenes to give her a moment to process.

Meanwhile, poor Nala is torn between ‘can never hurt her baby girl’ and ‘desperate to rip Scar and Zira’s throats out with her teeth’. Rani is confused.

It would be cool for the villains’ downfall to result from a) the heroes’ character development, overcoming their unhealthy tethers to the past and committing to moving forward, and b) animals other than lions, who the racists have completely dismissed. You think you’re tough? A couple of lions? These are my friends, an adult male hippopotamus and honey badger. And an adult harpy eagle. And an entire clan of hyenas. Jasiri and Janja are overdue for some payback on their old nemesis/abusive boss-turned-nemesis; have them lead their clan in cornering Scar after Kion kicks him off a cliff. Who’s having flashbacks now, huh? The more mentally unbalanced the villains are with shock, fear and beliefs being blatantly incompatible with reality, the better chance their captives have to break free.

Imagine the triumph and catharsis of Vitani calling Zira out for her parenting of all her cubs, including getting Nuka killed, while finally beating her in a fight. And of Kovu kicking Scar out of his head, literally and metaphorically, and taking back the reins to protect Vitani from Zira. And of Kion, stronger than ever after years of healing and thriving, utterly rejecting Scar’s efforts to mess with him. And of Simba and Kiara working together to defeat Zira with unconditional trust as Kiara draws on all the confidence of a queen. They’re all gonna be massively traumatised by the end of this story, but they’ll survive. They’ll endure. They always do.

Horror story idea: The ghosts of Scar and Zira return from the dead and possess the bodies of one of the TLK/TLG couples.

WAIT WAIT WAIT THIS IS ACTUALLY SO COOL THOUGH???

mask-of-prime is working on a story about Zira causing water-related terror to the Pridelands and one of the first things she does (that’s implied, at least) is possess Kiara. I like to imagine if Scar and Zira were to possess anyone, it’d kinda be like that

The TLK/TLG couple I’m thinking of rn is Kiara and Kovu, where Zira and Scar somehow take over their bodies respectively and chaos ensues. It would definitely be both scary and funny cuz the Pridelands is getting destroyed but at the same time I’m just imagining Shabaha slapping the shit out of Kovu even after Scar finally leaves his body like

Shabaha: GET OUT OF MY FRIEND, GHOST!!!!

Kovu: OW! SHABAHA, IT’S ME!

Shabaha: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE HIM ALIVE!!!!

I WOULD say Scar would think about possessing the Outlanders especially after they’ve reformed, but he and Zira obviously have more beef with the Simba’s Pride lol

I can see Vitani’s guard working together with Kion’s guard to defeat them but it’ll be VERY difficult considering the two have to fight their beloved siblings. It’d be even more angsty if the real Kiara and Kovu were to briefly try to plead for help. Like Possessed Kiara (Zira) would be on a villainous monologue and then Kiara briefly snaps out of it all “Kion! Help me!” before Zira takes over again. Now THAT would be horrifying

[bluebellhairpin]

Not Jealous

Bruce Wayne X Batmom!Reader

A/N: So I worked on this instead of like, five other things that people want but hey - gal’s gotta have her vices. - Nemo

Summary: Even after years of fancy gatherings, Bruce wants nothing more than to give in to his introvert nature and run away from them. You however, have taught him that after sticking it out, they might not be so bad. 

Warnings: Flirting. Bruce get’s jealous but not really ‘cause Batman doesn’t get jealous. Reader has she/her pronouns and is referred to as uh ‘wife’ multiple times. 

Listening to: ‘Can’t Take My Eye’s Off You’ by Frankie Valli - ‘Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothin' else to compare... You're just too good to be true.’ 

Series Masterlist

Masterlist  

Gala’s were something that Bruce never really liked. 

As Bruce Wayne - the billionaire, playboy, golden child, Prince of Gotham - he couldn’t get to enough of them. 

As Batman - the brooding, ‘I work alone but not really’, Protector of Gotham - he avoided them at all costs. 

But as himself - the friend, father, husband, Bruce - his thoughts on such events could only be described as apathetic. 

Over the years he grew a very nice façade to hide how he truly felt. After the entrance of his wife, and then each child that followed, it became easier to fake, and he did have to admit they became a little more enjoyable with proper company anyway. 

Of course, the first time he saw she who would be his wife at one of these events, she was hanging off the arm of some blond, tanned, rich member of high society. From his knowledge and meetings with her on the streets she wasn’t exactly supposed to be enjoying it as much as she looked like she was. 

Turns out she was one great faker too. 

Over the course of the past seventeen-ish years, Bruce got to know the various ways you dealt with these gala’s. 

While he was tempted with the recluse lifestyle everyday, you managed to get him out of the house when it was needed. Even if it was a big house, he still needed to get out of it sometimes. 

With the outings you used to force him on, he was able to learn a thing or two from you. You weren’t born into wealth like he was, and you never had it until you married him, but you took to it like a fish to water. Well, the avoiding attention part anyway. In fact, when it came to going to gala’s with you, he was surprised at how little attention you drew when you didn’t want it. 

The first time you went as a couple, and then again as a married couple, were the worst as far as being left alone went, and he did expect it. Newspapers craved that sort of thing. 

After that, when it was just him and you, the most you were asked of was the journey between the car and the front door thanks to the press and media - once inside you could sulk away to a corner or table, get up for a dance or two, loiter at the bar and then go home without anymore than a half dozen people approaching. Those were very good nights for Bruce, mainly because on those nights he’d rather be anywhere else. 

As if he didn’t feel that way about them anyway. 

But lately your trick of not gaining attention at the gala’s wasn’t working anymore. It wasn’t that people were noticing him again, no it was because they were noticing you. 

Namely someone kept noticing you. 

“You both have never looked more alike.” 

Tim slid into a set opposite Bruce and Damian. Bruce had a crystal tumbler filled with ginger ale pressed to his lips, unmoving as his eyes locked onto where you stood across the room. Damian was in the exact same position, whether knowingly or not, and was sending a glare towards the man who was looking far too happy about talking to you. 

“We are kind of literally related, Tim.” Bruce mumbled, sipping his drink before setting it down and leaning back in his seat.

“He’s too close.” Damian whispered.

“I know.” 

“She could get uncomfortable soon.”

“I know.”

“If it bothers you so much then either of you could go over there and whisk her away.” Tim said, shaking his head a little. “Bruce could pull out his charisma, or the gremlin could pretend to ask for a dance with his mother all cute and mother-son-like.”

Damian switched his glare over to Tim.

“Why don’t you go and fix it since you’re so smart?”

“‘Cause it’s not bothering me as much as it is you.” Tim laughed. Bruce looked between his two sons, then up to where you and the man were talking. “She can handle herself. Plus he’s way below her league anyway, if she doesn’t know that then something’s wrong.” 

“You don’t think Ummi’s being mind controlled right now, do you?” Damian asked, sitting straighter and squinting a little. “We should go home and -”

Bruce stood, patting Damian’s shoulder as he pushed his chair back in, and then strode over to your side. 

As usual, you noticed his approach with barely having to look, and reached out an arm as he pressed his side to yours. His arm wound it’s way around your waist, and he offered his free hand to the man whose conversation he probably just ruined. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Bruce Wayne.” he said, lips tight in one of the best and believable fake smiles he’s put on in his entire life. 

“Henry Syrus.” The man said, stepping to match Bruce’s fake pleasantries with his own, “I was just having the most wonderful conversation with your darling wife about the art pieces here. 

“Next time you should compare novelty keychains.” Bruce’s voice was light, but you could tell there was a little something underneath. “I’m afraid I’ll have to take her away for a dance before the night dies down too much.” 

So without another word, Bruce swept you away and onto the dancefloor with the hoard of other swaying couples. 

“You need to practice that.” 

“Practice what?” he asked, looking down at you as his fingers intertwined with yours. 

“The ‘I’m taking my wife away from someone who makes me feel like they’re making her feel weird’ thing you just pulled.” you said, a small smile twitching onto your features from your lips up to your eyes - your first genuine smile of the night - and Bruce was proud to think it was because of him. 

“I did that?” he mused, feigning thought for a moment, “I don’t think I did.” 

“Well you weren’t jealous. Everyone - including you! - says Bruce Wayne does not get jealous.” Bruce spun you away, and then back closer to him again. Closer than before. 

“I don’t need to get jealous, I know you can’t resist me.” he mumbled against your ear, then pressed a kiss to your cheekbone before leaning back some again. “That’s why you keep sticking around.”

“I thought I stuck around because you’re filthy rich and never at home, so that I have the place to do as I please.” 

“Okay, okay,” he said, chuckling, “Now you’re really teasing me.” 

“I’m just getting started.” you said, a sly glint in your eye that made his arm around you tighten. 

“Oh? Dare I ask what else you have in store?” he replied, preparing to meet whatever you came up with. You hummed at him, surveying the room and fellow dancers before looking back up at him again.

“I’m gonna take you home, pull you into our bedroom, and take you out of this monkey suit -”

“- it’s a tux, not a suit -”

“- I’m going to take you out of this tuxedo,” you corrected, tugging on his tie as he smiled down at you, “And then we’re gonna sleep for twelve. Whole. Hours.” He groaned. 

“You love me so much. You know exactly what to say. You treat me so well.” 

“I know.” you said, smiling up at him. He couldn’t help but press his lips to yours in something a little longer than a peck, and you hummed again. “Now you’re making Henry jealous with all the faces you’re making.” 

“How can you tell, you can’t see him?” he asked. Looking over, he was able to see that, yes, the man you were with before wasn’t looking incredibly happy at the moment. 

“I’m a mother of at least five children, Bruce. And I have to deal with you. I can tell when someone’s glaring at my back.” 

“I do glare a lot.” He grimaced. “I should’ve known better.” 

“Underestimate me again and you’ll pay for it.”

“And if I do then you can name your price, my dear.”

[cjsinkythoughts]

Suits, Dresses, and Heels

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4000

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, More Mentions of PTSD, Gun Violence, Slight Mentions of Drinking, Club Dancing (You’re all gonna hate me for that part, but I’m not sorry)

A/N: Here’s Part 4.2 - The Second Part to Episode 3 - as requested. This is a little more scene-by-scene, but there are some off-screen moments. I’ll be posting Part 4.3 (which will have the rest of the episode) later tonight.

There’s a bit more information on Reader, but not as much as the last chapter. Sharon comes in during this part, so you get to see her and Reader’s relationship.

Also, I have mixed feelings about Zemo at this point. Not in the story, the Reader’s not a fan as you learned previously, but for me personally, he’s surprised me a couple times by coming back and helping.

Anyways! Thank you so much for reading! This isn’t beta’d so excuse any mistakes! Check out my other parts before you read! Thank you again! Stay tuned, loves!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

The dress was far too tight for your liking, and showed way too much skin. Not that you didn’t like being a tease every once in a while, but for this mission, you’d rather have more cover and movement.

You had to admit though; Zemo had nice taste. The dress fit deliciously - which made you wonder how he got your size. The color and cut was devastatingly flattering. Plus, he let you do your own makeup.

Being the only female, you were in a separate area of the jet getting ready. Once you were done, you made sure to knock, even though you’d walked in on Sam changing too many times to count while on the run and had seen Bucky answer the door in nothing but a towel. It was mainly for Zemo’s sake, just a warning that you were walking in whether or not they were ready.

“Damn, girl! You clean up nice!”

You rolled your eyes at Sam, painted lips quirking up as you studied him, shooting him a wink. “You should try a mirror, Sammy.” You turned to Bucky to find him staring wide-eyed and slack-jawed at you. “What do you think, Buck?”

His mouth snapped shut and he cleared his throat, eyes exploring the dips and curves your body. “You…” He blinked once. Twice. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his intense eyes making you heat up, before he shook his head. “You look good.” He rushed out, before spinning on his heel shoving past Sam who was snickering.

“Where’s Zemo?” You noticed he wasn’t in the main area of the plane when you walked in.

“Rearranging our ride once we get there.”

You huffed, fixing your hair. “Oh God. We’re really doing this.”

“Yup.”

“Okay.” You looked down at yourself before looking up at the boys. “Something’s gonna go wrong, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely.”

“No doubt.”

Giving a slight groan at their simultaneous answers, you nodded. “Let’s try not to screw up too badly, boys, alright? I at least want to live long enough to see Peter graduate.”

Sam rolled his eyes with a scoff. “That kid’s a punk.”

“You’re a punk.” You shot back.

Bucky raised his hand. “I second that punk thing.”

“For which one?”

“Both of them.”

You chuckled as Sam gaped at Bucky, who shrugged innocently. The former assassin tilted his head in your direction to shoot you a grin and a wink, making you laugh more. Shaking your head, you go to make a joke when Zemo walked in.

“It’s time. We’re landing now.”

And just like that, the teasing atmosphere dissipated, leaving you anxious and regretful.

*******************

You walked by Bucky, arm linked with his metal one, listening as Zemo told Sam about his “character” he was to play.

“He’s a known womanizer - always has a gorgeous lady on his arm.” Zemo gestured towards you. “It’s the only way they’d let in a woman.”

“Aren’t we going to see a woman?” You questioned, gently patting Bucky’s metallic bicep when his hold on you tightened.

“Which makes it more imperative that you don’t act threatening. Women don’t make the same mistake men do; they don’t underestimate other women.”

You nodded. He had a point there. Bucky faced you, a frown on those pretty lips. “I don’t like this.” He mumbled.

“You think I do?” You whispered back. “With you being him again? Even if it’s just pretend? And need I remind you whose idea this was?”

“I know, I know. Just…” He sighed. “Promise me you won’t get hurt on purpose.”

Your forehead creased. “Why would I-?”

“To protect people. You always do. And I get it, I do. It’s why you started this in the first place, but…save yourself first, this time, okay?”

“Buck-”

“Promise me.”

It wasn’t often you could see the fear in his eyes, hear it in his voice, but you could then. Unable to do anything else you nodded, a soft, “okay” falling from your lips. He nodded back, pressing a kiss to your head, before letting you go as a car approached.

Bucky helped you in - the heels you were wearing were no joke - before sliding in himself, Sam getting in on the other side of you. “And you two can’t be…” Zemo gestured to the two of you as the car started moving, eyeing your still connected hands. “Doing that.”

“This isn’t my first theater production.” You snapped at him. “We’ll be fine.”

He raised his hands in surrender, turning back to look out the windshield. Once you arrived, you gave Bucky’s hand one last squeeze, before accepting Sam’s hand to get out on his side, linking your arm with his like you were doing with Bucky earlier.

“I finally get to see one of your performances, baby.” Sam grinned at you.

You smirked back. “Best seats in the house, too, Smiling Tiger.” He groaned at your jest, nudging you playfully with his elbow as you giggled.

“This way.” Zemo cut in, jerking his head in the direction you’d be going. You took a breath, steeling yourself, before the three of you nodded at each other and followed his lead.

You found the fellas reactions amusing, their heads turning to study and scan everything they could see. You were more subtle in the way you analyzed your surroundings, feeling a bit more at home in this situation than, say, fighting super soldiers on top of semi trucks.

Your jaw tightened, as did your grip on Sam’s arm, when Zemo started speaking Russian, the four of you pushing through a crowded bar. Sam ran his fingers over your arms, giving your hand a little squeeze, silently reassuring you.

It was a bit obvious Sam hadn’t done much undercover work, put he stayed in character and you were impressed. Especially when the bartender started cutting up the snake, which you had to look away for because if there was one thing you couldn’t do…it was snakes. You nearly gagged when Sam reluctantly downed the drink. 

Bucky eyed you, lips pursed in a way you recognized as him trying to hold in a smile. That made you feel a little better, hiding your own smile by turning into the crook of Sam’s neck. “Not. Funny.” He growled through clenched teeth, lips not moving.

“Kinda is.”

He grumbled under his breath, before the two of you tuned into the conversation between Zemo and a thug that came up, learning about the apparent power broker of Madripoor, which you a bit of from your time undercover there.

Sam held you tightly when Zemo turned to Bucky, knowing what was about to happen.

You didn’t like it. You didn’t like how easily aggressive he became. You didn’t like the little smirk Zemo gave as Bucky attacked. You didn’t like the cellphones being pointed in his direction. You didn’t like it.

“Didn’t take much for him to fall back into form.” You gave Zemo a warning glare, a shaky breath leaving you.

He’d been doing so well. At least, for someone who had been through what he had. Especially considering it’d only been a few months since he’d been pardoned - half a year since everyone came back. You knew bringing Zemo on board had been a bad idea, but-

A squeeze to your hand pulled you out of your thoughts. You let out an inaudible sigh of relief as Zemo allowed Bucky to let the man he was choking go.

“Selby will see you now.”

One step down. You hoped that would be the hardest part, but you knew it most definitely wouldn’t be.

“You good?”

Bucky sniffed, giving you two a curt nod, before following Zemo. You bit your lip. “That wasn’t really an answer, was it?”

Sam shook his head. “No. No it wasn’t.”

Selby wasn’t exactly what you were expecting, but you’d come to expect that. You stayed on Sam’s arm, giving the guards coy smiles and playing with the fake nails you had on in faux-boredom.

When she purred at the man besides you, you and Bucky glanced at each other, with you resisting the urge to scrunch up your nose. “And who is this gorgeous creature?”

Your eyes snapped back to Selby, giving her a slightly bashful smile. “Celeste Addams. Pleasure.”

“Trust me, dear. The pleasure is all mine.” Alright, you thought as she scanned you with a smirk. She was swinging for both teams. You could work with that. “What’s the offer?” She looked back to Zemo.

Zemo gave her the offer - information about the super soldier serum for the Winter Soldier and the code words to control him. Your blood boiled as Zemo touched Bucky, fingers grabbing his chin. You swore, once this whole thing was over, you would kick Zemo’s ass. You should make a list, just to keep track of all the things he’d done, and no doubt would do, to piss you off. That way he’d know why exactly you were beating his ass.

A name came up, Dr. Wilfred Nagel, along with the knowledge that the super soldier serum was, in fact, in Madripoor. You and Sam met eyes. Second step down.

But before they could get anything else, Sam’s phone buzzed. You ducked your head, closing your eyes, mumbling “fuck” when you saw it was Sarah. Sam’s responses just made you inwardly cringe even more.

“The bank, yeah. We laundered so much mo-” He chuckled nervously. “Yeah. They’ll come around.”

Is he fucking serious? For the love of God, Sammy…

And then she called him Sam. Next thing you knew, Selby was shot and you, Bucky, and Sam were taking out a guard each, you growling at the fact that you couldn’t use your legs because the dress was too damn tight.

You had no choice but to trust Zemo’s lead, but word traveled very quickly here, and less than a minute after walking outside, you were getting shot at.

“C’mon!” Bucky grabbed your arm, pulling you besides him.

“Can you not right now?!”

“I can’t run in these heels!”

You glared at Sam, the killer six inchers on your feet feeling like hell. “Hell no! You did not just say that in front of me!”

“You started it!” You scowled at him, following Bucky into an alley, only to duck as shots rang out. Chest heaving, you looked around for the source of the bullets that killed the men chasing you.  Your “guardian angel” as Zemo put it.

She soon appeared in all her stunning, blonde badass glory. “Sharon?”

Sam quickly explained the situation, trying to get her not to shoot Zemo who she had a gun pointed at.

“I stole Steve’s shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass,” she pointed the gun at Sam, then Bucky, “so that you could save his ass, from his ass.” And the gun was back on Zemo. She shot you a smile. “And your ass is looking beautiful as always.”

You grinned back. “Thanks. You’re not looking too bad yourself.”

As she spoke, your lips turned down. You had tried calling her after Germany, but it always went to voicemail. First thing you did when you got back was try to get everyone pardoned, but it was a process. And then you found out about Wanda and ever since…

Sharon was your first real friend. She was only a couple years younger than you and had been one of your first partners during your time with SHIELD. And the fact that she’d been on the run for years now, even with the Blip, her family not having seen or talked to her since…that was exactly why you couldn’t take a break. She was family and you found there was nothing more important than family. But when she needed you, you were out searching for someone who didn’t want to be found.

How were you supposed to choose between two sisters? How could you cope with the fact that you chose the wrong one?

“Sharon, we need your help.” She laughed at Bucky’s statement. “Please,”

She glanced at you and you nodded. “I’d appreciate it, Share.”

She gave a sigh before nodding. “This isn’t over. I have a place in High Town. You should be safe there for a while.”

She turned and started walking, and you were about to follow, when you remembered something.

Spinning around, your fist connected with Zemo’s cheek, Sam and Bucky shouting in surprise while the man stumbled back. “Don’t you fucking dare touch him like that ever again, or I will break every bone in your body.” You threatened, your expression twisting into a scowl as you grab his hand and bend it awkwardly. He grunted but didn’t move, knowing one wrong turn would break his wrist. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.” He ground out.

You pushed a little more, making him wince, before letting go and rounding back to Sharon, who was smirking at you. “Let’s get moving.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She jerked her head back over her shoulder to where a car was waiting, leading them over.

You quickly followed after her with Bucky on your heels and Sam dragging Zemo along. Speaking of heels, as soon as you got in the car - getting shotgun for the first time ever at Sharon’s insistence - you prodded the stupid shoes off your feet.

“Nice kicks.”

“Yeah.” You scoffed. “Unless you’re trying to kick.”

“Did you rip the dress?”

“I was tempted to.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you in something more comfortable. And you’ll look just as good. Not that you wouldn’t look good in literally anything.”

You chuckled, giving her a look. “Let’s not test that theory.”

She smiled back, nodding. “Fine. I’ll let you pick something out.”

Sam huffed, crossing his arms best he could, being squished with the two other fully grown men in the back seat. “Women.”

The two of you exchanged looks, rolling your eyes at the three pouting guys. “Men.”

*****************

“I’m gonna go check on the boys. But I’ll be right back.”

You nodded, looking through her closet. No dresses. And absolutely no heels. Flats, if you had to, but you’d definitely prefer sneakers right now. You decided on shorts and an off-the-shoulder blouse, grateful for the looser clothing.

“They’re idiots.”

You laughed and looked over at the door as Sharon entered. “Yeah. I know.”

“Cute.” She commented on your outfit, sitting on her bed. “They explained the situation. Sam said if I help, he’d clear my name-”

“Sharon.” You sighed, biting your lip. “I tried. I really did. I-”

She shook her head, smiling at you reassuringly. “No, I know. It’s why I’m not mad at you. Sorry I didn’t call back. How’ve you been?”

You shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

“Even with the whole ‘Cap is back’ thing.”

“Walker’s the government’s pet. He’s not Captain America. He’s not…”

“Steve?”

Looking up at her from the ground, you nodded. “Yeah.”

“Do you miss him?”

You smirked, wagging your eyebrows at her. “Do you?”

She rolled her eyes, tossing a pillow at you. “It’s kinda weird now, isn’t it?”

“Maybe a little. But I can’t blame you. Have you seen him shirtless? Good God.”

Sharon laughed, shaking her head as you joined her on the bed. “How come it’s always you getting wrapped up in these things?”

“I have no clue.” You chuckled, crossing your legs underneath you. “First I’m answering a phone call from Bucky at five in the morning and next thing I know, I’m being kicked off of semi trucks, breaking criminals out of prisons and running in six inch heels.”

“You answer Bucky’s calls at five in the morning?”

You gave her a look. “Sharon-”

“No, no. Hey. That’s cool. Some girls like bad boys, some like jocks, others like nerds. You like super soldiers from the 40’s. Everyone’s got a thing.”

A playful shove turned into a pillow fight, which turned into a sparring session, during which you pin her on her back. “You’re getting better.” You complimented, getting up.

She glared at you, taking your outstretched hand and letting you pull her up. “I guess that’s why you’re an Avenger.”

“That’s still weird to say.”

“Why? You’ve been an Avenger since, what? Ultron?”

You nodded, straightening your clothes. “Officially, anyways.”

“Right. Because you were there for the Battle of Manhattan as the secret seventh superhero.”

“Yeah…I miss it. The anonymity. I’m pretty sure I’m one half the Senators’ speed dials.”

Sharon frowned, brows pinching together. “What about the other half of the OG? Where are they?”

“Thor’s in space, Bruce is MIA - which I can’t really blame him for - and Clint’s retired with his family.”

“You think he’s gonna stay retired?”

You shrugged. “I hope he does. He’s been trying to retire for years. He deserves it. Knowing him, though…probably not.”

Sharon crossed her arms, nodding at you. “So that leaves you.”

“Yes it does.”

“Do you ever think of taking a break?”

You gave a half-sigh, half-groan, making her smirk in amusement. “It’s…come up a lot recently. I dunno. I think I’m burning out, anyways.”

“What makes you say that? I was watching you guys with Selby. You’re still one of the best I’ve ever seen.”

“I-I’ve been having…problems.”

Her eyes narrowed, her hands setting on her hips like a mother about to scold her child. “What kind of problems?”

“Just flashbacks. Of different things. It happens at random times. Certain triggers; something someone says or does, or something I smell or hear.”

“PTSD?”

“Something like that.”

“Has it affected you in the field?” Hesitating to answer was answer enough and she nodded. “Then…maybe it’s time you do start considering retiring.”

You snorted, shaking your head. “At 36? There’s no way.”

“C’mon. It’s not too late for you to settle down. Go one a few dates. Meet someone. Maybe have a couple kids-”

“Woah, woah. Slow your roll.” Your features scrunched up in incredulity. “Pump your breaks. No one said anything about marriage or kids.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying…think about it. I heard even Bucky’s been on a few dates.”

It was your turn to narrow your eyes at her, hearing the suggestive tone in her voice and seeing the eyebrow raise. “Yeah. He has. A few. I told him to. Told him it might be good for him to, I dunno, get back out there.

“Or, you could just…go out there with him.”

“Not you too! Have you been talking to Sam?”

“Is it Steve? Is that what’s stopping you? Because you know he’d just want you to be hap-” She stopped as he phone vibrated, grabbing it and reading the text. “Company’s arriving.” She pointed a finger at you. “You got very very lucky. This conversation isn’t over. I’m not dropping this.”

You bit your cheek and nodded. “Alright, mom. Can we go party now?”

She breathed out a laugh and nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go party.”

**********************

“Hey, gorgeous! There you are!”

You smirked at the boys as they met you near the top of the stairs, eyeing Sam and Bucky appreciatively. Damn, could Sam pull off a turtleneck. And Bucky in black and skinny jeans? Sharon sure had good taste. “Today’s the day for attractive outfits, huh, gentlemen?”

“I’ll say.” Bucky hummed, glancing at your own outfit. “You look beautiful, doll.”

“You look very dashing yourself, Barnes.” You grin, pulling at the lapels of his black blazer and fixing the collar. You smoothed your hand down the front of his shirt, looking up at him with an eyebrow raised when he caught your wrist, keeping your palm over his heart.

He clenched his jaw, taking a breath, before letting it out, almost dejectedly, and letting your hand go. “Um,” He cleared his throat, hand falling down by his side. “Did, uh, did Sharon say anything more about these friends of hers to you?”

“Nope.” You shook your head. “Just told me to enjoy the party.”

“I guess we should go enjoy the party, then.” Sam nodded towards the stairs, where the music was floating up, her guests already pouring in.

You made your way downstairs, looking around the room. Sharon sure did know how to throw one, that’s for sure.

People were pushed together, dancing to the beat of the music, drinking, with colored lights flashing every which way. Bucky’s hand found yours almost instantly, and you smiled at him. “C’mon.”

“What?” His eyes were wide as you dragged him towards the groups of people dancing. 

“Dance with me.”

He shook his head violently. “I-I can’t.”

“I thought you used to be a dancer?”

“Used to. And I was a swing-dancer. Not…” He gestured around to the people bobbing up and down, moving their bodies with each other.

You waved dismissively, pulling him closer. “All you need to do is feel the beat. I’m sure you can do that, can’t you, Mr. Tough and Scary Assassin?”

He licked his lips, looking around nervously. You brought his hands to your hips, making his eyes snap back to yours, your own arms winding around his neck. You started moving rhythmically, nodding your head to the music, smiling up at him and giggling at the adorable concentration on his face.

“You, uh, you go to parties like this a lot?”

“I specialized in undercover operations, remember? I practically lived at these places for some of them.” He licked his lips, his grasp on your hips tightening. “Loosen up a little.” You laughed, catching his jaw between your fingers and making him look at you instead of the crowd surrounding him. You scratched at the scruff, speaking softly, but loud enough for him to hear. “It’s just me.”

He nodded and, slowly, a bit hesitant, started moving his body with yours, relaxing his tense muscles the longer you two danced.

“Nice hit, by the way. With Zemo earlier.”

You shrugged, turning in his arms, biting your lip when he pulled you closer, your back to his chest. “I didn’t like the way he grabbed you. It was unnecessary. I was thinking of making a list, actually.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Your arms wound around his neck again, your head falling back to his shoulder. “Of things he’s done so far that warrant’s me beating his ass once this is done.”

He chuckled, warm breath tickling your cheek, thumbs tracing circles on the bare skin just above the waistline of your shorts. Your own fingers had found home in his hair holding his head where it was, his lips centimeters away from your ear. “Share it with Sam. I’m sure he has a few things to add.”

Your breath hitched as his metal fingers danced along your bare navel, arm tightening around your waist. “I’m sure he does…I thought you said you can’t dance.”

“I guess I just needed to warm up. I’m a bit rusty after eighty years.”

“Don’t seem that rusty to me.” You breathed out, turning your head to look at him. His tongue ran across his lips again, his eyes glancing to your own.

“Hey, guys!” The world and your situation came crashing down on you, the music you didn’t realize you’d been tuning out, along with the crowd’s boisterous laughter and cheers, rushed back to yours ears. The little bubble with just you and Bucky shattered. You both stepped away from each other; you cleared your throat and pushed down the heat that had nothing to do with the hundred bodies in the one room, while Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, the tips of his ears red with no help from the colored lights. Both of you were panting lightly, avoiding eye contact with the other three staring knowingly at you. Sharon nodded her head, gesturing behind her. “I found him.”

Sam nudged Bucky - who was staring at you, his jaw ticking and his throat tightening as he swallowed thickly - before jabbing his thumb in Sharon’s direction. “Here we go.”

You nodded, eyeing Bucky with a small smile. “Here we go, Buckaroo.”

[lemonlurkrr]

@aureateart​ ok. My favourite parts of twilight princess  (and some other random thoughts about TP sprinkled in there) taken from my monster TP word vomit google doc :

Link lmao

Ok but for real, I like this incarnation of Link :)

I love Ordon (it just seems like such a chill and cozy village)

ALSO love how easy it is to interpret Link as being a sort of older brother figure to the Ordon kiddos. It’s just,, super cute? AND GHHH nice nice good thanks nintendo for giving me characters to care about/characters that I can imagine Link caring about

He didn’t sign up for any of this (tbh, none of the Links really signed up for this jshdjsd). But I mean like, dude was just going to take a trip to castle town, drop a gift off for the royal family, and come back. But haHA oopsies he did get to castle town eventually but definitely not the way he expected hsjdhsd

He’s just a little dude?

AND FUCK. HE REALLY HAD NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF ORDON UNTIL ALL OF THAT

everything is new for the player AND Link

Midna

She’s cool :)

she really just

*teleports into your jail cell* hello whore.

I am no master at writing but AYYYY she do got a character arc!!!

She was actually pretty helpful sometimes, I ALWAYS checked in with her before turning to a game guide

Other NPCs

NICE

Love all of the TP character designs (ASHEI’S ARMOUR??? AOWOAOAOOAO)

Saving Zelda and all of Hyrule was important yea but thinking back maybe it was more like, the Ordonians and the kids were what was pushing Link to keep on going

I like the Resistance members :) Very video gamey of them to have one NPC assigned to each dungeon but hey!!! Kinda cool getting to see a little glimpse of each of em

Idk, it’s just fun to imagine Link popping into Telma’s bar after each dungeon and taking a little rest :) (or to celebrate? maybe just chat, idk, give this man some downtime!!)

Honestly it was just kind of nice that Link wasn’t entirely alone. I mean, I know Midna was there the whole time, but I am always for giving Link a big group of friends (see my love for hyrule warriors, age of calamity, and LU LMAO)

Hero’s shade, very very cool, kinda sad he died with regrets but HEY. He got to pass on his knowledge eventually

AND the connection to OoT?? AND assumed to be related by blood too????? GOOD SHIT

Ilia, I REALLY really wanted to like her (er, it’s not like I dislike her, she’s just,,, kinda there for me).

It definitely seems like Nintendo was pushing to make her the romantic interest, but GHHHHH they really threw that out of the window for me by having her lose her memories

I saw a text post a while ago that said it would have been interesting if Ilia was Link’s sister instead and YES!! That would have been cool too :0

Wish we got to know Zelda a little more

I feel like we barely know anything about her

Idk man, like I said earlier, I never really had any sort of drive to save Zelda during my playthroughs

She obviously knows Midna, so maybe if they gave us just a little bit more of that relationship I’d be more interested in her?

TP WORLD BUILDINGGGG

Botw has good world building too, but each race felt kinda,,, isolated? I absolutely love the different architecture and vibe each town has (and all the the weapons too) but ghhh yea everyone felt so separated. As far as I can remember, we don’t see tooo much of the races interacting with each other? Now that I’m typing that out maybe that’s to be expected because of the calamity but KLSJDKJFD ANYWAYS THIS IS ABOUT TP

The world feels nice and alive, love how populated everything is

Castle town I like castle town a lot, it feels dense and busy and I really like how you can’t talk to every NPC you see

Very cool very fun that we got to see the Gorons hanging out in multiple spots

kinda wish we got to see the Zoras a little more (I guess they are a bit limited since they need water but GHHHH the tp zoras are so prebby,,)

BUT HEY, I do remember seeing a zora or two hanging out in the hot springs around death mountain after beating the lakebed temple (I think, might have been a different dungeon) 

but aaaa would have been nice to see them in at least a couple of other places. I think it would have really added to the “congrats Link!! You’re restoring peace to Hyrule” feeling you get from seeing the Gorons hanging out in Kakariko and Castle Town

ORDON

Love how chill it is and how it’s kind of separate from Hyrule proper

They really do seem to be doing their own thing apart from the rest of Hyrule

Just kinda adds onto the “he’s just a regular dude minding his own business” kind of vibes I get from TP Link

Also I like Ordona :)

THE LIGHT SPIRITS,,

Love their design

And love how they’re not exactly like a pure white?

Different spirit representing each aspect of the triforce my beloved

But yes hi I think Ordona is very cool

Who are you, how did you get here, which goddess do you represent? Do you even represent one of the three golden goddesses? Do the Ordonians know about you? Have any of them ever SEEN you??? Do they worship you? Does anybody even know about the existence of the light spirits?? FUCK so many questions but ghhh I like how they broke the status quo a bit by throwing in a fourth spirit :)

I feel like this one is kinda weird but I like that voice sample they used in the light spirit music. It’s spooky and pretty at the same time :)  

cutscenes mmmmm

Ok ok, the spooky lanayru cutscene is very good

BUT THE “Link, Chosen Hero! Lend us the last of your power!” CUTSCENE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IT SO MUCH

IT just

Idk man

It just hit different

I like the music

And seeing the light spirits swimming around in the light juice water whatever it is

Summoning the light arrows?

AND HHHHH “Lend us the last of your power!” THIS IS IT. This is the final battle.

Seeing Zelda bow down, and then Link putting his hand out 👌👌👌

Link: ok bud, let’s do this together :)

Connection to OoT (did I already mention this? Maybe., Whatever)

Very cool nintendo :)

I love seeing connections between all the diff zelda games.

Because like, on one hand, they’re all separate from each other because of yknow, individual hero stuff. BUT ALSO, they’re all connected because of the reincarnation stuff

Grrrr walking through the sacred grove and going “The Hero of Time walked around here a long time ago” FUCK THATS SO COOL

Is the Hero’s Shade watching me? What does he think of me? DIsappointed? Proud? The Hero of Time went through HELL so this timeline didn’t have to deal with any of the shit Ganon was gonna pull with the triforce, better not fuck this UP Link!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midlink is cute

Kinda hurts that she smashed the mirror but that was probably so Nintendo didn’t have to worry about people going “but what about the twili??????” for any of the other games LMAO

BUT ALSO LIKE SKJDKLJFJ There are some pretty massive plot holes in TP anyway so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whatever it’s fine we’ll just use this for angst because GOD do y’all like angst

So is Shadlink

Honestly don’t know where this ship came from but it’s cute so whatever

THE MUSIC??

Love Midna’s theme and how they referenced the dark world theme from ALttP (I remember trying to learn the dark world theme on the piano and doing the Leonardo DiCaprio point meme at the little jingle I recognized from Midna’s theme)

Hyrule field theme SLAPS.

Apparently references a couple of the other over-world themes from the previous zelda games (I got this from 8-bit Music theory’s video on the over-world zelda themes, he talks about TP at around 11:40 but def recommend watching the whole video if you’re into music analysis stuff)

So there’s this bit of the Hyrule Field theme, I don’t know the official name for it but I remember seeing somewhere it being called the “at an advantage theme” since yeah, you hear it during the boss music whenever you expose their weak points. FUCKINGGG LOVE THAT. Didn’t notice it during my first playthrough, but hearing it during my second was like a little easter egg for my ears every time :)

Midna’s lament is very pretty (and fun to play on the piano)

COURAGE THEME.

I didn’t care for it too much when I started playing the game but hearing it in ZREO’s arrangement of the Hyrule Field theme literally makes me turn into a puddle of emotions. Also hearing it around and of the Ordon kids (I think it plays after Link saves Colin) AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Orchestra piece #1 and #2 HOLY SHIT???????????????? 

Literally, the first time I listened to those I just,,,, plugged in my headphones, volume 100, layed on the floor/against my desk and silently vibed. I don’t know what the hell it is, but those two just fit so well with TP?? I still avoid listening to them nowadays cause if I DO I definitely will get overwhelmed with the “god I love this game so FUCKING MUCH” kind of feels.

Wolf link sucks at singing

the first time I heard him howling Zelda’s Lullaby I lost my shit because LKSJLDKSGLKJFSKG god that was.,, Bad. Anyways, hearing him howl some of the songs from OoT was cute :)

TP STAFF ROLL??? 

VERY GOOD. IT’s like 10 minutes long and GOD do I love every single second of it. It doesn’t have the same energy as the skyward sword staff roll or the orchestra pieces but GOD does it hit good??

Nice and calm after that big exciting adventure. Maybe it would have been more fun or emotional to have a higher energy piece but it was really nice getting to sit back and watch the camera fly around Hyrule. Seeing like, the Gorons and the Zoras having a good time, the kids returning to Ordon? GOOD SHIT.

and AAAAA that end, when you hear the main Zelda theme and see Link riding off out of Faron woods on Epona… good shit. It gets you thinking, where the hell is he going? What is he doing? Off ot do more adventuring? Going to help out the resistance or something? Going to help Zelda? Or maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to restore the mirror of twilight? Whoooo knows.

hhHHHHhhh it’s just that final reminder that YES!!! YOU JUST PLAYED A ZELDA GAME. JUST ANOTHER STORY APART OF THE WHOLE EPIC OF THE ZELDA SERIES AS A WHOLE

I also want to acknowledge the instrument/samples they used for all the twili stuff.

They’re all just so unique and contrast SO well with the rest of the TP OST. LIKE FUCK!! Anytime I hear the screech from the Twilit Kargarok? Sends a shiver down my spine. I associate those sounds SO strongly with the twili realm. (Like, the same way you associate the BSHEWW VVWWMMM sounds with light sabers)

I love it so god damn much

literally any time there’s a certain sound or motif associated with something I lose my shit

Sacred grove sacred grove sacred gro-

lovely lovely lovely so much fun playing that on the piano. AND again, I did the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme when I heard the theme from the lost woods come in GHHHHHHHH

shoutout to TP Faron Woods for helping me study and get through all of my schoolwork

BLEGUUHHH can you tell that I really love music?

and also yea I guess TP is kinda cool too :\

IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT THANKS I GUESS