#but for the record yeah I'm cool with people sending these kind of asks. I would even take the threatening ones in jest

[chaotic-guinea-pig]

Dont wanna pressure u but when is the next chapter coming out? I love ur story sm and I will cry if its discontinued!!!! 😭😭😭

👀 Soon, my dear anon, soon...

UPDATE: RAHH. So I may have got my underestimated time. :') it's okay... we'll get there.

And rest assured this fic will not be discontinued. 😤 I want to see this fic completed as much as you do!

[seangelfish]

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR A LONG TIME YEIII amh I could ask for headcanons for bae and kanata with a cute mc fem from the town who just arrived in the city therefore she doesn't know anything about paradox or hiphop or the city in general je but she is open to learning new things uvu that would be all ~ thank you

MEETING A NEWCOMER

Featured characters: Allen Sugasano, Hajun Yeon, Anne Faulkner, Kanata Yatonokami ♡ Tags: Headcanons but also a bulletpoint fic, mutual crush, casual romance, she/her pronouns, not really proofread! Not really sure what to write for Hajun, so I'm sorry if it's not up to standard! ♡ Word count: 1,895 ♡ Synopsis: You, a newcomer, was introduced into a city of hip hop. You didn't quite understand it, but you were eager to learn from the people around you.

You have moved here for university, not knowing what this city was actually known for. You just assumed it was any other ordinary city...

Allen, who was one of your fellow classmates at university was an odd one. He didn't look friendly so you didn't try socialising with him at first, but when you saw how he acted towards his friends, you decided to at least try.

You found out that he was just awkward. He greeted you in return when you introduced yourself, but his eyes started sparkling when you mentioned that you were new to the area. He asked whether you're into hip hop, but if you weren't, he had some recommendations for you to listen to.

"Is hip hop that big here?" you asked him curiously.

"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "There used to be this place called Club Paradox where..."

You listened to him ramble on and on about hip hop and these legends called 'Buraikan' who founded these so-called 'Phantom Lives.'

It was all a little confusing, but it had you intrigued. Because of this, the two of you had exchanged contact info so Allen would be able to send you his recommendations. When you were finished listening to them, you would text him your thoughts. Gradually, you started having a taste for hip hop that in your free time, you'd visit record shops looking for songs that you haven't heard of yet!

Allen was always so appreciative of how willing you were to indulge in his interests — in his life. He wanted to show you more about the city and about hip hop, but he also just wanted to spend more time with you.

"I also produce and write my own songs!" Allen said one day, hoping that would impress you. "Would you like to listen to them?"

"Seriously? That's so cool. Of course, I'd like to listen!"

"Alright, just meet me at the club! I'm performing there as BAE with Anne and Hajun."

"C-Club?"

"Oh, haven't you been to a club before? Then I'll accompany you before our performance starts. It'll be fun!"

Why not? you thought.

Allen picked you up before his performance and showed you around the club. It was an interesting yet fun experience, but what you found kind of weird was how he kept holding your hand throughout it all. You didn't think too much of it though. He was probably doing that in consideration of you, so you wouldn't get lost in the crowd.

"So yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it!" he said. "Will you be okay here? We're starting in ten minutes."

"Yes, I'll be fine," you replied. "I can't wait to see you perform!"

"Alright, see you later, (Y/N)!"

Watching him perform live was amazing. You finally understood why people here liked watching 'Phantom Lives.' They were incredible! You were so drawn into Allen's performance that you couldn't see anything else but him.

"Haha, how was it?" he asked you, panting.

"It was so cool!" you chirped. "And that was the song you wrote too? It was great!"

"Hahaha, thanks, (Y/N)!"

So whatever Allen did with hip hop, you were there too. You became closer to him than before that he no longer was a classmate to you, but someone even more special.

Just like everyone else, you were drawn to Hajun's prince-like charms, but you never dared to speak to him. He was definitely on another level than you, and you didn't want to disturb him with your plain, ordinary presence.

However, fate brought you together when Hajun spoke to you first. He picked up clues that you were new around here and wanted to help you familiarise yourself.

Confused but thankful, you accepted his offer. He was like a tour guide, bringing you in his limo around the city. It was kind of awkward at first, but he eased you into it when he would ask you where you came from and why you decided to move. He was friendly, but you could taste the way he teased you too.

After bringing you to so many places, Hajun had asked you if you knew about hip hop or anything to do with phantom lives. When you denied it, he merely chuckled and said that you should watch him perform. He didn't go further than that, so you had to find out yourself what he meant by it.

BAE was his hip hop group where they performed phantom lives at clubs. You entered by yourself, waiting for the show to begin. Hajun was up there on stage accompanied by Anne and Allen. Their performance was spectacular. The way Hajun rapped was something you didn't expect coming from him, but at the same time, it made perfect sense.

"So you made it," he teased. "Did you enjoy the show?"

"Y-Yes, it was good!" you exclaimed. "Those were the illusions you talked about? They were pretty! How were you able to do that?"

"With my phantometal, of course," he replied, showing you the feather ring on his finger. He let you touch it due to curiosity. "Isn't it cool~?"

"It is!" you giggled. "Can I watch you perform again next time?"

"Haha, sure."

Not only did Hajun help you with familiarising yourself with the city, but with university work too. You should be grateful though because he wasn't doing this for just anyone. However, he was also questioning his actions when he thought about it.

He supposed that he was helping you out so much because he was also in a similar position when he arrived in Japan. He just wanted to make your experience here easy for you.

Plus hanging out with someone cute like you was actually fun. He loved answering whatever questions you threw at him especially those relating to hip hop. He always looked forward to your daily greeting in person and text.

Anne had caught an interest to you almost immediately. Of course, it was because you were cute, but it was also because your outfits were embarrassingly plain. They wondered if you'd allow them to dress you up. So one day in class, they introduced themselves.

Once Anne took in the info that you were new here, they were even more excited to become your friend. They wanted to show you everything! Entertainment, fashion, music, everything you were interested in!

And that's how you were introduced to hip hop too.

Taking in the knowledge of the city from Anne was like homework. They dumped everything on you so quickly that it was hard to grasp, but as they pulled you around the city, it was always so exhilarating.

"Oh, I'm also a part of BAE," they said. "It's the hip hop unit I'm in with Allen and Hajun. We usually perform at clubs, but we're going to be competing in Paradox Live next!"

"P-Paradox Live?" you queried. You knew of phantom lives since Anne mentioned those before, but this was different.

"Yep, it's gonna be huge! We're going up against other hip hop units to win ten billion! You'll come support us, right?"

Of course you were.

But standing in front of Club Paradox was intimidating. Everyone around you looked excited out of their minds, but you were the opposite.

"(Y/N), over here!" called out Anne. As you turned, they linked your arm with theirs and led you inside with Allen and Hajun. "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to leave you here," they continued. "But watch us closely, okay?"

Watching Anne perform that night was thrilling. Even when the rest of the units performed their songs, Anne's performance was something you couldn't shake off. The illusions that they described to you through words could not compare to the real thing.

After that, you would always watch Anne in person whenever they were performing with BAE in Paradox Live; cheering them on and voting for them. Anne would always look for you in the crowd too, happy that you appeared in their life.

Unlike BAE, you didn't meet Kanata at university. You bumped into him on the streets to university. You were lost and that's how you ended up at the slums. He thought you were an idiot, but he helped you out anyway.

You explained that you were new to the city, so you still didn't know your way around. Kanata was disinterested, but when you asked him why hip hop was so prevalent around here, his ears perked up.

He explained everything, but he also mentioned how there's 'real hip hop' and those who desire to make hip hop but fail. You were curious about what he meant by this, so you pressed him further into showing you what 'real hip hop' was.

He was about to refuse. He didn't really want to get close to you to begin with, but seeing that sparkle in your eye made him think otherwise. It also didn't help that you were kind of cute.

"Fine," he breathed. "When do you finish uni? I could show you today."

And so he did. After dropping you off at university, he picked you up straight after you were finished. It was evening by then, so the streets you walked on were crowded with people waiting for a team called 'Cozmez' to perform.

He grabbed your wrist and dragged you into some shady underground business, situating you in a corner where he was sure nobody could disturb you.

"Just stay here," he said. "You'll be okay."

"W-Wait, where are you going?"

"I'm performing."

Before you could say anything else, he grinned. "You'll see what real hip hop is, (Y/N)."

And he was gone. You noticed that he was with someone else too, someone that looked oddly similar to him that you just knew he was his brother. When they were on stage, the crowd cheered louder than before.

That's when Kanata started rapping. You watched him intently, your eyes following his every movement, his every word. The music was loud, but it was exciting.

"So this is a 'phantom live'..." you murmured to yourself as you watched the illusions the twins were creating. "It's beautiful..."

You didn't expect Kanata to come back to you right after performing, but he did, asking you what you thought of it. You caught the slight bit of excitement in his question which also surprised you because even if you had just met him today, you already had his character noted down in the back of your mind. He was rude and aggressive, but he was also kind in a way.

You smiled. "It was awesome! I can't believe this is what I was missing out on!" you replied. "You were amazing, Kanata!"

His cheeks heated up, but you couldn't tell as it was dim. "Thanks," he said casually.

"Eh~ who's this?" asked his twin. "Kanata, I didn't think you were that type of person–"

"I-It's nothing like that!"

Nayuta introduced himself because if his brother was willing enough to bring a random girl to a place like this, he was sure that Kanata was a little interested in you.

"Be good to my brother, okay?" he whispered into your ear teasingly.

From then on, you became close to the Yatonokami twins, but you were even closer to Kanata, the boy who helped you on your first day. He became a lot more patient with you as he introduced you to even more places around the city, familiarising yourself with hip hop and the story behind it. It was always so fun learning more things when it was with Kanata.

And perhaps, Kanata was a little thankful that you got lost in the slums that day too.

Intro page | Paradox Live masterlist | Request rules

[megamagimugi]

Well, my dear Mugi! I hope you're ready because I'm about to send you my list of emojis... and it's not gonna be short either 🤭💖

🫀🌻🍄🪻🧠🕹️💿♟️🥊 (with and for you!) 🍁🕰️ (always platonically like the heart says) 🍬💧🌑 (I'm always here even if I take too long to answer, but I'm always willing to listen) 🐚 (of course I was gonna give it to you too!) and last but not least...

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Based on this ask game.

Let's see, 1, 2, 3... 16?! You broke my record and sent as many as SIXTEEN (No, sending the same emoji 88 times doesn't count, you cheater!). You really just had to one-up me, huh? Okay, I see how it is. Congrats, you won!

Jokes aside, I'm really touched, Zahra. I don't even know how to properly react to something like this. For starters, thank you!!

Boy, oh boy. So many emojis, so many feelings. Maybe I'll just comment directly on each one.

Let's see whatcha got there:

🫀- I love you in a deeply concerning platonic way <- Thank you for loving me. Love you too! Somehow you make saying these words easier than normal, even though I'm still not exactly used to saying them.

🌻- I'm proud of you <- I don't understand why, but thanks😃

🍄- you didn't deserve what happened to you <- ...Yeah, I know, or at least hope so��� Thanks, friend.

🪻- you are so so cool and awesome oh my god <- Oh yeah😎 Haha, thank you, and so are you!

🧠 - I love hearing you talk. you should ramble to me more often <- That's a relief, because I wanna keep talking to you! But also...

I mean, private ramblings aside, your fics and headcanons are always a pleasure to read. Not to mention your lovely reblogs of my art, especially those where you dig deeper and analyze what I try to portray🥹 I love them all dearly and have, in fact, reread each one a few times.

🕹️- I wanna go to an arcade with you <- Glad you share my excitement about this, let's-a go! How about some Mario Kart, for example?

💿 - I wanna listen to music with you in a treehouse in a summer night <- Pack your suitcase, we're going over to @vulpixfairy1985's place, build a treehouse if she doesn't have one already, and doing just that for hours on end.

♟️- you, me, board games. <- You're on. Also a good treehouse activity, eh?

🥊- I'd beat someone up with you <- Then I already have one deserving candidate in mind😏 But for me? No need, my friend, but I sure appreciate your willingness to do so!

🍁 - I'm so glad you're my friend <- Aww... So am I, times 10.

🕰️- I'll love you until the end of time, dear friend. <- Oh... That's a nice sentiment, dear friend, and I appreciate the thought. But after everything I've been through and learned about people, I know better than to promise anyone forever, or take someone's word for it. If you love me like a close friend right now, then that has to be enough❤️ Oh, and don't worry, of course I know it's all strictly platonic, this entire ask game is! And I wouldn't have it any other way😉

🍬 - I'd go to a candy store with you and steal all the candy <- Mmm, candy... But why steal tho?😥 You know what, I'll just suggest the same thing I did to @bberetd. We can go at night, have fun staging it as a raid and take all the candy, but secretly leave the money for the owner to find next morning. We can even draw them a map so they can have fun treasure hunting, too😜

💧- you are an important presence in my life <- Got to keep this one in mind, thanks. And you're in mine!

🌑 - you worry me sometimes. just remember im here if you ever wanna talk about anything <3 <- Sorry for worrying you. I'm so grateful for your support, kindness and compassion though, you have no idea🫂

🐚 - our souls are linked in ways I can't put to words <- If even you, such a talented writer, can't put it to words, then there ain't no way I can🤣 No, but seriously, I'm honored and touched knowing you feel the same way. Makes me about 30% less embarrassed.

🫂 - I wanna hug you <- Same. Very much. Like actually, physically hug you. But since we can't do that, the gifs will have to suffice:

...Okay, I don't think I can add 88 gifs, but hope these are acceptable 😄

[aquariaries]

Kou Mukami Heaven Story - Chaos Lineage

***I do not mind if you use my translations as a base for another language, I just ask that you credit both 46snowfox as the original translator and myself as the English translator if you do!***

Original translation credit: @46snowfox

https://46snowfox.tumblr.com/post/617475223016669184/01-02-03-04-05-06-07-08

You can find Kou's previous chapters in @tournesolia's masterlist linked down below!

https://tournesolia.tumblr.com/

PLACE: Downtown - Night

Yui: Haa ... ... *sigh*

(Going back home is so lonely. Kou-kun has a job that requires work overnight ... ...)

(He said recording could take a long time, and that he wouldn't know when it would end.)

(Also ... ...)

*She checks her phone*

He hasn't responded to my texts, either.

(Because he's so busy at work, he doesn't have time to answer ... ...)

I want to see Kou-kun ... ...

(I'll try to contact him one more time a little later ... ...)

*Crowd clamors*

Girl A: Hey, look at that!

Girl B: Kyaaa! It's Kou!

Yui: Eh ... ... ?

(Ah ... ... Kou is appearing on that big screen. Is that commercial ... ... his new job?)

(He's singing and dancing, and smiling so happily .. ... Fufu, how cool.)

Girl A: Kou is so cool! I wish I had a boyfriend like that~

Girl B: Me too! Kou seems to be the kind of person that's nice to his girlfriend.

Yui: (... ... He's very popular. As expected of an idol.)

(I'm glad to see Kou-kun, even if it's just a commercial, but I want to hurry up and see the real one.)

(When will he be coming back --)

*She's grabbed from behind and blindfolded*

Yui: Kyaa!?

(My vision went pitch black ... ... !? I'm certain someone just blindfolded me -–)

???: Who is it?

Yui: (Eh? This voice is ... ...)

Kou-kun ... ... ?

*She's unblindfolded*

Kou: Ding dong, ding dong! You're correct!

Yui: (I knew it, it was Kou-kun ... ... !)

Kou-kun! You see --

Kou: Shh! The others around us will notice that I'm here!

Yui: Ah ... ...

Girl B: Eh? Just now, did Kou ... ...

Girl A: No way!? Isn't that the real Kou over there!?

Kou: Crap!

M-neko-chan, let's run!

Yui: O-okay!

*They run off*

PLACE: Mukami Living Room - Night

Yui: I'm really sorry ... ...

(There's no way we wouldn't be caught when speaking loudly like that. I have to be careful from now on ... ...)

Kou: It's alright. We were able to escape. Besides, I was the one who surprised you.

Yui: Ah, it's true. You usually let me know when you're coming back, what happened today?

You didn't answer my texts either, did something happen?

Kou: Well, my manager took my cell phone from me so that I could concentrate on recording.

And that was before I could tell you that I wouldn't be able to contact you for a while. Even though it's my job, that's going too far.

Yui: I see, so that's what it was.

Kou: I was planning to contact you as soon as I was done recording, but I wanted to surprise you.

So, I went straight back home in a taxi without sending you any texts.

I was lucky to find you on the way.

Yui: I see. Did you find me by chance then?

(Somehow, it makes me happy that he spotted me among so many people ... ...)

Since you said you were going to be late at work, I didn't imagine that we would see each other again so soon.

Kou: Are you glad I'm back?

Yui: Yeah ... ...

Kou: Me too ... ... I'm happy to see you. I was thinking about you during the whole recording you know?

I felt very lonely not being able to contact you despite matter how much I wanted to ... ... So, could you gimme a recharge?

*He hugs her*

Yui: Ah ... ...

(Kou-kun is hugging me ... ... Fufu, it's been awhile since he's done this.)

... ... That's right, I haven't said it yet.

Welcome back, Kou-kun.

Kou: I'm home ... ... Nnn ... ... *kisses*

Yui: ... ... Nn ... ...

(It tickles ... ...)

*Commercial jingle plays on the tv*

Huh? This music ... ...

Kou: Hm? ... ... Ah, so they're already airing that commercial.

Yui: Earlier it was also broadcast on a big screen. It's amazing that they show it in areas like that.

(Ah ... ... The Kou-kun from the commercial just winked.)

You're very good at winking Kou-kun. As expected of an idol.

Kou: That much is simple. Anyone can do it right?

Yui: ... ... I don't think everyone can.

Kou: That reaction ... ... M-neko-chan, can you not wink?

Yui: Uh ... ... I-it's just, I usually don't have the chance to do it ... ... !

Although, I'm a little envious that you find the right moments to do it.

Kou: Heh ... ... In that case, let's practice together!

Yui: Eh? You'll help me?

Kou: Of course! As a professional, I'll teach you perfectly ♪

Yui: Thank you! I guess I'll take advantage of that and accept.

Kou: Leave it to me! Then let's start training. Can we do it in my room?

Yui: Yes!

Kou: Then go change. When you're done, come to my room.

PLACE: Kou's Room - Night

Kou: With that said, now try winking.

Yui: Eh, so suddenly?

Kou: It's just that if I don't see what you can do, I won't be able to give you the right advice?

Yui: Y-yes ... ... Understood.

(I'm embarrassed to do it while he's staring at me but ... ... Here I go!)

Kou: Uwah ... ... Wrinkles appeared between your eyebrows. You're worse than I imagined.

Yui: (He's really stunned ... ... !)

W-wait! Let me try one more time! Here I go? One, two ... ... !

Kou: Now you just closed both eyes, right? That doesn't count as a wink.

Yui: Uuu ... ... One more time! Please, give me another chance!

Kou: It's fine. Try how ever much you want until you're satisfied.

Yui: Thank you!

(Everything will be fine, I just have to close one eye ... ... One, two!)

*Time passes*

Yui: ... ... ... ...

(I can't believe I didn't succeed even once ... ...)

Kou: Yikes, I'm really suprised. I think this is the first time I've seen someone be so bad at winking.

Yui: (Uuu ... ...)

Kou: Ah, sorry, sorry. Please don't look so depressed?

You have me, the best coach on your side after all ♪

But if you really want to succeed, you'll have to go through some hard training~

Yui: Yeah, I imagined so ... ...

Kou: With that said, every time you fail, I'll give you one kiss.

Yui: Eeeh~!? A k-kiss ... ... Why!?

Kou: I won't accept complaints. Plus, you just have to not fail, right?

Yui: That's true, but ... ...

Kou: It'll be fine. As promised, I'll be giving you advice.

Yui: U-understood. I'll try my best.

Kou: The trick to winking is to tilt your head slightly while doing so.

It won't work if you do it while stiff, so how about you start practicing that first?

Yui: Tilt the head ... ... L-like this?

Kou: Nope, you haven't done it well at all~ Okay, here's a kiss ... ... Nnn. *kiss*

Yui: Nn ... ... !?

Kou: Alright, next!

Yui: L-like this ... ... ?

Kou: Ahaha! You closed both eyes! Okay, punishment time ... ... Nnn ... ... *kiss*

Yui: (Nnn ... ... Huh? This kiss is deeper than the previous one ... ... ?)

Kou: Alright, try one more time!

Yui: Y-yes!

(I failed before, but if I relax a bit ... ... !)

Here I go!

Kou: How scary! Your eyes are half open!! It can't be helped, I'll have to punish you again ... ... Nn ... ... Nnnnn ... ... *kisses her deeply*

Yui: ... ... Nnnnn ... ... !?

(I knew it, the kisses are getting deeper!!)

(Will each kiss become even deeper!? As I thought, this is really embarrassing!)

Kou: Well then, try again! This time strive to do your best and succeed

*Time passes*

Yui: Haah, haah ... ...

(The kiss just now was quite literally minutes long. The thought of being kissed if I fail makes me even more nervous ... ...)

(Uuu, it's too embarrassing, I can't take much more than this ... ... !)

Kou: Okay, next --

Yui: I-I can't anymore! I give up!!

Kou: Eeh? Do you really want to give up?

Yui: Yeah ... ...

Kou: I see. In that case ... ...

*He comes closer and starts to move her clothing*

Yui: Kyaa!?

Kou: Bad girls who give up must be punished, right? ... ... Hah ... ... Nnn ... ... *bites*

Yui: (Nn ... ... His fangs are on my shoulder ... ...)

Kou: ... ... You were embarrassed because I kissed you a lot, right?

I wonder if that's why ... ... your blood is so sweet and delicious ... ... Nnn ... ... fuu ... ...

Yui: ... ... Nnnn ... ...

(... ... Nn, everytime he sinks his fangs in deeper, the more my chest aches.)

Kou: ... ... Your eyes are melting. Do you want me to suck more?

Yui: Ah ... ... yes ... ...

Kou: Fufu, To think that you would ask for it yourself, as expected of you, M-neko-chan.

I will fulfill your wishes, and suck as much as you want ... ... Nnnn ... ... hm ... ...

Yui: Nnn ... ... Aaah ... ...

Kou: Fufu, actually. I was thinking that I was sure everything would turn out like this.

Yui: Eh ... ... ? Eeeeh!?

(Does that mean that all this training was on purpose!? It can't be~!!)

Kou: Until the lesson is over, I won't be letting you go okay ... ... ?

PLACE: Mukami Mansion Hallway - Night

*She knocks on Kou's door*

Yui: Kou-kun, is now a good time?

Kou: Yeah, come on in.

PLACE: Kou's Room - Night

Kou: What's up all of a sudden?

Yui: You see, there's something I want to show you, Kou-kun.

Kou: Something you want to show me?

Yui: Yeah! I couldn't do it before, but now ... ... ! *She winks*

Kou: Heh, that's amazing! It's a beautiful wink.

Yui: Fufu, right? I've been secretly practicing since then.

Now I can wink whenever I want!

Kou: You're this happy just to be able to wink, how cute~... ...

Yui: Eh? -- Wah!

*He comes up and holds her*

Kou: You're cute when you wink M-neko-chan, but don't wink in front of anyone other than me, okay?

Obviously, that applies to Ruki-kun and the others as well!

Yui: (Ah ... ... He's jealous ... ...)

(Fufu, Kou-kun said that I was cute, but he is also quite cute himself.)

Kou: It's a promise, alright? ... ... Nnn ... ... *kiss*

-END-

[lustastarte]

♤ it's a gay thing | josuyasu ♤

genre: fluff/tiny bit of angst

rohan gives josuke the wrong number for koichi as a little joke, but josuke is determined to beat his boredom.

published: 2023

lots of texting,,, like half the one-shot

Wednesday, May 17. 7:30 a.m.

Josuke:

hey, is this koichi?

rohan gave me the number but idk if he was playing around or not

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

no

i know koichi, but i'm not him, who's this?

Josuke:

sorry, i'm just a friend of koichi's

sorry for bothering you man, especially this early

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

it's okay, don't worry about it : )

so how are you, friend of koichi's?

Josuke:

i'm okay i guess

i'm bummed that rohan japed me tho

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

... japed you?

Josuke:

pranked

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

oh!

okay, that makes sense

Josuke:

yeah, sorry abt that again

9:00 a.m.

Josuke:

hey random stranger

here you go

❀❀❀❀❀❀

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

why did you send me flowers

i mean i'm not complaining, they're pretty

but why?

Josuke:

because you deserve them

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

oh? well thanks

Josuke:

of course man

12:21 p.m.

Josuke:

heyyyyyyy stranger

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

hey?

why do you keep texting me?

Josuke:

bc you seem cool and i really need friends

unless you want me to stop

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

oh, thanks

also you don't have to stop, i just don't really understand lmao

5:39 p.m.

Josuke:

hey you free?

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

yeah why

Josuke:

i wanna call someone

can i call you?

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

sure i guess?

calling xxx-xxx-xxxx...

"Hello?"

"Ooh, I like your voice. It's deep. Makes my skin tingle."

"Thank you, I like yours too."

"Thanks man."

"So... why did you need Koichi?"

"I was gonna ask him to set me up with a date. He knows a bunch of people and a lot of them are cute guys."

"Guys?? As in... men?"

"Uhh yeah," Josuke laughed into the phone. "My favorite thing to do is kiss men."

"You can do that? Like- I mean... Guys can... Guys can be with other guys?"

"Yeah! It's nice, you should try it sometime."

"Oh, I didn't know that was allowed... I might if I ever get the chance. But just for the record, Koichi can't set up relationships for shit. Try texting Rohan."

"You know Rohan too?"

"Yeah, I know him and his boyfriend."

"Well damn, all the twinks seem to know each other..."

"Twink? What's that?"

"Oh, it's uh-... It's a gay thing."

"Oh, okay?"

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna go text Rohan, goodbye! Thank you for your help!"

"Mmhmm."

call with xxx-xxx-xxxx ended.

Friday, May 26. 1:01 p.m.

Josuke:

hey, i never got your name

xxx-xxx-xxxx:

oh, sorry about that

i'm okuyasu

and you are??

Josuke:

i'm josuke

i like your name, i've never seen it before

Okuyasu:

thank you, i like yours too

you're the one with the hair, right? i think i remember rohan talking about you

Josuke:

yeah, the super cool really fashionable amazing magazine worthy hair is all me

wait, rohan talks about me?

Okuyasu:

it's never anything good if i'm honest, but he talks about you

Josuke:

nice!!

he talks about you too, but it's sometimes good

Okuyasu:

oh? i'm surprised he has anything nice to say lmfao

Josuke:

off topic, but all your friends say you're hot

is that true?

Okuyasu:

maybe? idk i've never really thought of myself as hot

rohan says you look like a monkey's ass, is that true?

Josuke:

i'm gonna fucking kill him

Okuyasu:

have fun, don't get caught

Josuke:

oh i will

so what do you look like?

Okuyasu:

goodbye

Josuke:

but i wanna see your face : (

i like knowing who i'm talking to

Okuyasu:

lmao no

Josuke:

please?

Okuyasu:

no

Josuke:

okuyasuuuuuuuuuuuuu

please

Okuyasu:

what's in it for me?

Josuke:

a picture of me ; )

Okuyasu:

um no thanks

Josuke:

wtf : ((((((

Okuyasu:

fine, i'll send one

Okuyasu holds the phone out in front of him and takes a quick snap of his half-smile. He notices that he looks a little awkward, but there isn't much he can do about it. He's not really a selfie kind of guy, but Josuke gets what he wants.

Josuke:

YOU'RE SO FINE WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE BUT HOLY FUCK

man to man, like honest for real time, you are quite possibly the most handsome dude i've ever seen holy fuck

Okuyasu:

okay whatever, it's your turn

Josuke:

uh okay hold on

Josuke takes a swift picture of himself as he rides the bus home. He studies it, then decides he doesn't like it. Something in him just won't let him send the first picture because he doesn't look just right. He retakes the picture after swiping a comb through his hair and deciding the best angle. He's got to look good for his friend, of course. That's what it is, he just wants to make a good first impression.

Okuyasu:

well shit

Josuke:

??? did you die

hello?

Okuyasu:

yes i died

you're a very attractive guy

i mean like no gay shit or anything yknow because i'm not gay

just making an observation

Josuke:

awww you're so nice, thanks man!

Okuyasu:

yeah, of course

did you ever text rohan?

Josuke:

yeah

he said he thought i'd be cute with one of his friends

Okuyasu:

did he say which one?

Josuke:

nah, but he just said he was texting them now

Okuyasu:

...

rohan just texted me

Josuke:

US?????? A COUPLE?????

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I CANT BREATHE THAT'S THE FUNNIEST FUCKING THING IVE HEARD ALL DAY

Okuyasu:

???

Josuke:

WHAT IS HE ON

Okuyasu:

wtf are YOU on?

Josuke:

a seat on a bus lmaoaoaoao

Okuyasu:

goodbye josuke

Josuke giggled at his phone, bright smile on his face. He's developed an attachment to Okuyasu, he thinks. It's become so strong that he feels the need to text him all day, every day. All of his funny comebacks and clueless questions make Josuke's days so much easier. He can't lie, he's begun to crush on Okuyasu. It might be just because he's lonely and wants attention, but something about him made Josuke's heart spiral. The way he talks was enough already, but his looks sealed the deal. Josuke feels like he's going insane, there's no way he can be pining after someone he's never met before...

Monday, July 24. 6:16 p.m.

Okuyasu:

you know, we've been talking for like two months now and i still know nothing about you

Josuke:

???

yes you do, you know my favorite color, ice cream, video game, book, song, flower, animal, etc etc

i could go on and on about how much you know about me

Okuyasu:

yeah but nothing like important yknow

i think you should tell me where you live 

Josuke:

kinda stalker-ish bro

Okuyasu:

shut the fuck up it's not like that

i wanna know how far we are from each other

Josuke:

i live in morioh

like two houses down from you i think lmfao

Okuyasu:

you do?

Josuke:

yeah yeah rohan told me where you live

oh btw, i frogot to ask

how old are you?

Okuyasu:

frogot?

Josuke:

*forgot

Okuyasu:

frogot

Josuke:

shut up

Okuyasu:

frogot

Josuke:

stop it

Okuyasu:

frogot

Josuke:

STOP IT 

SHUT UP AND ANSWER

Okuyasu:

not as old as you

Josuke:

what the fuck

i'm only 17 dude

HOW OLD DID YOU THINK I WAS?????

Okuyasu:

yeah i'm 17 too lmao

idk probably like 21

Josuke:

no way you just called me old and we're the same fucking age

AND thought i was 21 in the same two messages

Okuyasu:

i think you're still older than me

what's your birthday

Josuke:

august 19

Okuyasu:

what year?

Josuke:

1983

Okuyasu:

YES YOU'RE GERIATRIC

Josuke:

what the fuck we're only like a few weeks apart you ASSHOLE

Okuyasu:

no.

YOU'RE OLD

Josuke:

i thought you said i was hot ;)

Okuyasu:

goodbye josuke.

As the two boys talked, something began to bloom in Okuyasu's stomach each time he got a text from Josuke. He had never met him, never even seen him around Morioh before, but he felt... drawn to him. Like each time his phone lit up, his social battery was suddenly recharged. He was sure that, for him at least, Josuke was the kind of person you could be around even if you were at the point in your day that the thought of talking to other people wore you out. That realization came with another indecipherable emotion, one that pooled just behind his ribcage and dripped into his stomach. The feeling he used to get when he would see his ex-girlfriend was the most similar, but that couldn't be right. Right? Okuyasu shakes the thoughts from his head, but that makes them no less real or confusing. He doesn't like men at all... Right?

Sunday, August 13. 8:59 p.m.

Josuke:

hey <3

Okuyasu:

hey...?

what's with the heart? lmao

Josuke:

i'm gonna say hey and send a heart and you say it back okay

my family thinks i have a boyfriend and as my friend you gotta help, idk why they think that but they do

just play along with what i do okay?

please

Okuyasu:

but i'm not gay.

Josuke:

i know, i know, but i am and my family knows

and they think i have a boyfriend

Okuyasu:

then get someone who's gay to pretend to be your boyfriend?

like rohan or even jotaro idk

Josuke:

JOTARO?????

JOTARO KUJO?????? 

THAT'S MY NEPHEW WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY IN QUESTION

and rohan is jotaro's boyfriend, plus he fucking hates me so either way it wouldn't work

Okuyasu:

damn man chill out, i didn't know

how was i supposed to know that you and a dude i've met maybe once are related??

stupid fucking bitch

Josuke:

we have the same nose duh

but that's not the point, you're the only person who might help me.

i need your help dude, please. i'll do anything.

just pretend to be my gay boyfriend for like five minutes

Okuyasu:

i want $20 sent to my venmo and you have to doordash food to my house if you want effort put in

Josuke:

okay fine, sure, whatever

hey <3

Okuyasu:

not so fast, my venmo is okuniji4 and i want pasta from tonio's

payment before performance.

Josuke:

oh my god you ASSHOLE

Okuyasu:

: )

Josuke:

sent the money on venmo and the order is placed

dick

Okuyasu:

okay, sure man, i got you

Josuke:

hey <3

Okuyasu:

hey <33

Josuke:

what's up baby?

Okuyasu:

not much, what about you sweetheart?

Josuke:

trying to prove to my family that i have a boyfriend

can i call you?

Okuyasu:

of course baby, always

calling Okuyasu...

"Hello?"

"Hey baby. Can you do me a favor and tell my family how much you love me?"

Okuyasu sighed quietly before mustering up all of his courage. "I love you so much my heart hurts when I see you."

"And?"

"...And?"

"And what else?"

"And I think about you every second of every day?"

"Aww, thank you, I love you too!"

"Alright... Well... I gotta go, I- Um, I love you."

"I love you too baby, bye."

call with Josuke ended.

It felt so strange to say those words to Josuke, to call him baby and tell him he loves him, yet somehow, it was... refreshing. Like Okuyasu had needed this his whole life. Like something was coming together in his head. As he sat and thought about the phone call, Josuke's voice, the way he said he loved him, it clicked. It didn't matter if Okuyasu likes men or not. What does matter is that Okuyasu likes Josuke.

Josuke:

THANK YOU SO MUCH I OWE YOU ONE

Okuyasu:

it's no problem really

i like helping my friends out, especially for $20 and some bomb ass food

i also think i wouldn't mind being your boyfriend|

i also think i wouldn't mind being yo|

i also think i wouldn't|

i|

if you need me again hmu

Josuke:

you were really good at pretending to be my boyfriend|

you were really good at pretending to |

you were really good|

you we|

you know, i kind of liked it when you called me baby|

you know, i kind of liked it when you c|

you know, i kind of liked|

you know, |

alr, thanks again man

Okuyasu:

yw

2:30 a.m.

Josuke:

hey

you up?

Okuyasu:

are you just pulling some fuckboy stunt on me?

because i'm not here to be used and dropped

Josuke:

what?

okuyasu, are you okay?

i just wanted to talk to you about a bad dream i had but i'm not concerned about that any more

you seem upset, what happened?

Okuyasu:

i'm upset because i'm tired of being used! everybody is using me and i'm sick of it! my ex girlfriend used me when i dated her, and now you're trying to use me!

Josuke:

what happened?

okuyasu, what's wrong with you?

Okuyasu:

oh stop acting like you care

just stop

i'm so fucking sick of all of this

for four fucking months you've only texted me when you were bored or needed something from me

and i'm done

Josuke:

what?

no, okuyasu, i texted you because i wanted to!

Okuyasu:

just shut up

goodbye josuke.

3:00 a.m.

Josuke:

please talk to me

okuyasu?

7:00 a.m.

Josuke:

okuyasu, please

i want to know what happened

i didn't mean to make you feel used earlier

i was trying to hint at how i felt about you, i just suck at flirting

my family thinks i have a boyfriend because of the way i talk about you to them

1:08 p.m.

Josuke:

okuyasu

please

i need you to answer... even if you just tell me to go die

5:05 p.m.

Josuke:

okuyasu...

seen 5:06

okuyasu!

please talk to me ⚠︎ message not delivered ⚠︎

okuyasu, please!! ⚠︎ message not delivered ⚠︎

you can no longer text or call this number. 

"Jotaro, I don't want to go."

"Come on Josuke, it won't be that bad once you get there, I promise."

"But what if-"

"If he's there, then I won't make you talk to him. You can stay with Rohan and I."

Josuke made a face at the other man. "I don't want to spend a whole party with you guys practically fucking beside me."

Jotaro sighed, adjusting his hair underneath his hat. "Whatever, you're still coming with me. Let's go."

Josuke was sitting in a corner, a drink in his hands and his eyes closed. He didn't want to be here. Not only did he see Okuyasu, but he saw Okuyasu making out with his ex. It broke him inside, and though he was strong, he couldn't help but cry. Honestly, he really liked the guy, and seeing him like that, especially for the first time ever seeing him in person, wasn't pleasant. 

"Hey, you okay?" A slightly drunk Koichi crouched down in front of him.

"What? Oh, yeah- Yeah, I'm fine," the taller said quickly as he wiped his tears away frantically.

"No you aren't. What's wrong?"

Josuke began crying again, an accidental squeak coming from his mouth as he opened it and tried to speak. "It's just that Okuyasu and I got into a fight and now he's here and it's the first time I'm ever seeing him and he's kissing his ex and I have a crush on him and I saw them kissing and-"

"Josuke." Koichi interrupted, sighing and sitting down beside the other man. "He's here because Rohan told him you were coming. He wasn't kissing his ex. She forcefully kissed him, I had to pull her off of Okuyasu a few seconds after you ran away," he explained calmly, placing an arm around Josuke's shoulders protectively.

"It's not like it matters anyway though, he's not gay, he told me himself. He likes women."

"You can still talk to him and see if he wants to fix things, yeah?"

"He blocked me..."

Koichi shook his head. "Yeah, but he's here just because Rohan said you would be here."

Josuke ran a hand over his hair unconsciously. "Can I... Can I talk to him?"

"Of course you can. Do you want Rohan to come with him?"

"No, I wanna talk to him alone... Only if he's okay with that..."

"Alright," Koichi said, leaving the room to search for Okuyasu.

A few minutes later, Josuke heard footsteps. He clutched his cup as the waves of nausea and anxiety ripped through his body.

Stay cool. Stay cool. You've got this, you can fix this.

"Okuyasu! Please, please, please just let me talk to you, I promise I won't take long and..." Josuke trailed off. Fuck! What happened to staying cool?

Okuyasu slunk down into the spot Koichi had once been, although nowhere near as close. Avoiding eye contact, he laced his fingers together and sighed.

"Why did you continue texting me? Tell me the truth please. That's all I ask."

Josuke clenched his jaw, ready for rejection. "In the beginning, it was out of boredom. But after a few days, I realized that you're really cool and decided I wanted to be friends with you. But the more we talked, the more it became... something else," he admitted, eyes glued to the floor and lips pressed together. 

"So it was a fuckboy stunt? I knew that-."

"No! Please, I'm not finished," Josuke begged, desperation evident in the tone of his voice. "Something else doesn't mean 'wanting to get in your pants' for me."

"Then what is it, Josuke? Because to me, getting a text late at night asking if I'm awake is a little telling," Okuyasu sighed, slightly annoyed at this point. 

"Something else is the longing to run my fingers through your hair, hold your hand, look in your eyes, and... call you mine."

Okuyasu squinted, his top lip curling up on one side and eyebrows dipping together. "What are you talking about?"

"Listen, I don't wanna fuck you. Never have. Okuyasu, I-... I just want to love you. I don't want to introduce you to people as my friend, I want to call you mine. Fuck being your fucking friend, I want you to be my boyfriend."

Okuyasu took a deep breath in, the semi-silence crushing Josuke. All he could hear was the bump of the bass and some electronic dance melody, then of course his own heart beat. 

"Josuke, I just... I don't know."

Josuke's face fell, tensed shoulders dropping from his ears. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you anything. I know you're straight-"

"I just don't know what to think."

Josuke felt the hot tears prick at his lower lash line. "We can go back to being strangers if that's what would make you most comfortable... I'm sorry I fucked it up. I'm lucky to have gotten to know you for a few months, at the least."

Okuyasu, without thinking, grabbed Josuke's hand. It fit so well in his, felt so warm and comforting. He dragged his eyes from the other's shoes to the stray hairs surrounding his hairdo like a halo, and that was it. His decision was made, no more questioning. 

"Josuke, you aren't going anywhere. I don't know what to call it, but I think I like both. You shook it all up. You came into my phone and you knocked my entire world on its head."

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean t-"

"Don't," Okuyasu interrupted. "Please don't be sorry. I thought I was just getting close with you, but all of a sudden, there was heat in my gut and my heart beats tripled in speed each time you texted. I ignored it, but the night you asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend felt so... right."

Josuke snapped his head toward Okuyasu, eyes newly full of hope.

"It felt like-"

"I was born to fall in love with you," Josuke confirmed quietly, finding it a bit odd that he had had the exact same thought during that interaction.

Okuyasu flicked his eyes away, nodding. "Yeah. It doesn't matter what I like, it only matters that you know that it's you. I know I barely know you, and this is our first time even seeing each other in person, but," he took a deep breath. "But looking at you here, hair a little messed up, cheeks red, nose runny, and eyes a shade of blue I don't think I've ever seen before, I know that I need to be with you for the rest of my life, no matter if it's a day or 80 years."

Tears once again tickled Josuke's lower lashes, a heart-warmed smile creeping across his face. "Do you mean that?"

Okuyasu nodded, smiling gently. "Can I- Uh, can I-?"

"Please," Josuke's heart fluttered as he squeezed Okuyasu's hand. 

The taller's eyes jumped up and down as they switched from Josuke's eyes to his lips over and over. With his free hand, he cupped the older's face, rubbing the peak of his blushed cheek with his rough thumb.

"You're so handsome," he whispered, barely audible over the booming EDM music. He moved in to kiss Josuke, but hesitated. "I... I don't know how to kiss a boy..."

Josuke giggled, the sound lighting Okuyasu's heart on fire. He watched as the older's nose scrunched and his eyes nearly disappeared before his teeth-flashing wide smile morphed into a shy, flirty smirk. 

"Like this," he whispered back, closing the gap between them. Okuyasu felt his entire body tingle, every bone becoming noting more than jelly and muscles useless. In their shared kiss was an unspoken promise of love and companionship for countless years and the almost overpowering sweetness of finding the love of your life. The kiss made them feel as though they could move mountains and walk on water, turn water into wine and heal the sick. They felt like gods, each worshipping the existence of the other. All the words they wanted to say and the thoughts they thought were condensed into that single kiss. If nothing else that night had confirmed it, the two finally got what they wanted. Josuke is Okuyasu's. Okuyasu is Josuke's. And absolutely nothing, not even the most powerful being to exist could rip them apart. So long as they were alive, they had one another.

[pwblogarchive]

August 2005

August 4, 2005

when i walked through the door there was a kid standing therein shorts and an argyle sweater. we went downstairs and played "through being cool" front to back. i knew we would be best friends forever.

this is my first memory of fall out boy. post yours. i wanna know.

yes yes we know everybody is hot. patrick is. joe is. andy is. because they are all good people. and that makes my heart beat.

yes, i am obsessed with the show 24. yes, i want to make a life with kim bauer and have 10,000 babies.

if you can find it inside to vote a couple more times for "sugar..." on TRL we would love you (oh who are we kidding, we do anyway). the info is in the news.

more dates for the nintendo fusion tour will keep being announced, so don't worry your pretty little head.

lets fall in love all over again from the start.

zzzzzz.

lately i have been feeling like i am just a headache for everyone.

08/04/05

question

what kind of guitars do you play? And who is better Joe or Patrick

answer

patrick is the love of my life but i cant deny joes doggie style. they are both pretty good in bed i guess.

question

did you really go out with Frank from my chemical romance?….oh and you and patrick are really hot!!!!

answer

i definitely have a boy crush on frank.

question

hey pete tell patrick he is hot. and ask him whats with the glasses?

answer

okay 2. i think they help him see

Other Q&As from this time that are undated

August 5, 2005

Hey. Updater.

Florida in august is a sweatlodge. Take my word for it you don’t want to know.

The kids here are amazing.

I lied. I’m sorry, please forgive me. We are selling the clandestine bartskull necklace at the clan booth on warped.

If you get a sec light up the trl lines for us with a couple of votes. You mean the world, either way.

August 12, 2005

I am the koolaid jammer. Romances last terrorist, locked away in the back watching emilio estevez and friends dance on the screen from deep in the back. Heyhey updater: the panic! At the disco record is still better than whatever you are listening to right now. Lets get married and move inside one of their songs. October fall is recording out in l.a. Right now. Get ready for big things babies. Me and patrick have been working on new songs already. Swoon. We’ve got an annoucement coming up really soon about a performance. We also did a pretty big interview that will be out in september… It covers a lot we haven’t ever talked about: getting bigger, me missing europe, etc… We’ve got some new merch coming soon and some special nintendo fusion show offers….

“Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen…”

Yeah I wrote a lyric for that song, guess which one… Ill be honest ryan writes circles around me….

August 18, 2005

dear warped tour,

even though you made us hot and dirty, we had the best summer of our lives and wanted to thank you.

thank you to every single one of you guys that came out, sang the words, crowd surfed, watched or came up to our signing and told us we suck (hehe).

the love is back on.

bigplans.

"we only do it for the scars and stories" still holds true. you don't even know, and im not telling.

- petey

August 19, 2005

Things I have been thinking about lately:

Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that's showering and sleeping are fun too.

My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me with mikey way. I had to hit it. Its not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I'm in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online.

Writing messages on your arm for someon to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal.

On the topic of computers: lets stop talking like- u r lyKE soooooo Haawt.... My dogs can type bettere than that. And sending this I M "how come you're on my buddylist" or "who is this, is this really pete from fob" - honestly I love talking to people but these ones get instanlty rejected.

See also: peoples whose screenames are like: petehoppuslovespatrick65 - I know what the conversation is gonna be like already. I've had enough of them.

Oh yeah- mikey's screename is not xiheartweedx

I hear were a week away from retiring on trl. Lets do it. Cause honestly I'm not gonna live long enough to get retired from a real job (like 65?) we gotssss to party it up if it happens.

On us playing the vmas: we have this insane idea that mtv is considering. If they let us do it you may see something really insane. (Its not me and frank kissing in wedding dresses, or is it).

I hear there is a turbo voting thing for the vma on our front page.

Ill have a serious update later

Peter

August 19, 2005

The Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that showering and sleeping are fun too. My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me in a mikey way. I had to hit it. It's not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I’m in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online. Writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal

August 26, 2005

i should be in miami florida right now. stalking out jessica alba on a beach at night somewhere but instead i am lurking the internet from the safety of my parent's house. sorry i have been gone. there are plans afoot. i hate this hurricane nonsense- when we heard we were playing the VMAs we tried to come up with some hilarious stuff to do- you know- like first we suggested that we throw a big party on stage while we play and have some live deer and maybe two tranvestites dressed up like madonna and brittany spears, kissing- mtv was like: try again. so we rented space suits from a movie company and planned to play in those and kind of just smash eachother with our guitars- but now with this tropical storm mtv just wants us to actually be normal and play- hehe i'm sure we'll think of something. i need to go eat count chocula. we're putting some new gear into the clandestine webstore over at clandestineindustries.com and decaydance.com is up and you can preorder the panic! at the disco record along with the vinyl version of from under the cork tree. my hand has swollen to the size of a grapefruit, but if you think that looks bad, you should see the other guy, or in this case the wall.

if you get a chance, you could make our day and go over and vote for us a couple of times at FBRVOTE.COM - an easy way to do it...

ive got pees on my head but don't call me a pee head. bees on my head but don't call me a bee head. bruce lee's on my head but don't call me a lee head.

i'm crazy for you sparkle.

August 26, 2005

from the retirement home.

have i told you guys lately that you are the best?

our video retired on TRL today ONLY because of you.

thank you.

that is all.

- petey

August 26, 2005

on pete’s friends or enemies blog

August 29, 2005

Live from the defjam party.

I am in disbelief.

Everytime I question what I am doing, you prove me wrong.

We won the m2 vma. In my opinion the most important award of the night.

We weren’t sure.

I never should have doubted you.

You have NEVER let me down.

You make me proud to be in this band.

We aren’t the biggest. But you make us feel like we are.

We are in love.

More later.

Peter

August 30, 2005

the roc is still alive when fall out boy hits the mic.

can we say that we love you anymore.

you rbought it.

did you hear the collective gasp when they said fall out boy.

shock.

we were standing up to clap for our friends in My Chem, who we were sure had one.

we then realized we didn't know where to walk to or what to do.

we definitely noticed Usher give us the "WTF?" look when we went by him and hugged my chem.

we didn't write anything down, so we were very nervous when we got to the mic.

we dressed up like harry potter when we played so we would feel the magic.

we drove to the red carpet in a saturn and fell out cause we are broke.

we realize that beyonce quoted us. we wanted to return the favor "say my name, say my name- you're acting kinda shady aint callin me baby..."

jayz is the coolest. but luda is kinda close to as cool. and we have a super crush on christina milian. we are happy to be part of the defjamfam.

we realize that you made the world shake just for a second.

we want to pay you back with more than just a discount in our webstore. let me think of how.

one night can change it all. and you did that for me. so thank you.

- petey

[masschase]

i can’t remember if you talked about it before, but for the ask meme i’m curious about troy and casey. and if you have already, or feel like talking about more than one ship, what about casey and viola?

Ooh, OK! I thought I wasn't going to get any this time around so this is a pleasant surprise! 😊

Have your followers send in suggestions for ships for your OC, and you describe how good/bad/amazing/disastrous/hilarious it would end up.

Casey and Troy

So Troy and Casey is a definite no! At one point early on in forming my hcs I was going to have them be cousins, and while I have yet to give a definitive answer on whether they are or not, I've been shifting back in the direction that are, but that unlike my original hc, neither of them remotely know that in my main-universe. In fact, you know what? They are and I'm going to do a post on that later because I have more to say on it. 😁

However, speaking from a potential situation where they're not related... it's still not something I can see.

So just off the bat I don't ship Casey with anyone during SR1 because she's only 15 at the start(slight exception being in universes where she has Zoo as her co-boss and/or friend as they are the same age, so I shall allow them their little moments). The next youngest Saint is Dex who I hc as 21 and gay so... yeah, no. But I do have the thing of Casey having one-sided crushes on Johnny, Lin and Dex.

Why not Troy? He just wasn't someone she saw as "cool" like she saw the others, in fact he was quite protective and responsible with regards to her and this is why I see their connection as more familial and duty-based (because I believe regardless of Troy leaning towards the Saints overall he's had a keen sense of protecting civilians drummed into him since childhood) even if they aren't related by blood. When she starts to succeed in life, he feels pretty proud of her.

Additionally, while I see that Troy is a complicated and probably conflicted character, Casey takes a long time to get out of the mindset that he betrayed her. It's one of those things where she knows it's not entirely black and white but she can't quite shake the grudge she felt when she woke up from the coma and found out.

There is the brief and admittedly kind of silly thing about Troy having a wife who resembles Casey(referencing ONE mission and something I thought of bc of posts so far back I will NOT be able to find them but you know). I don't believe that's because Troy has some secret attraction to Casey, I think it's something he just doesn't really see because he doesn't want to. He sees them too differently.

So there just isn't a place and time for them, you know? But even if things were to align, I just don't think they're attracted to each other, sexually or romantically, so I can't really envision a ship dynamic for them.

Casey and Viola

This one is interesting. I think Viola is incredibly grateful Casey allowed her to join the Saints, but her overall opinion of her is Boss first, friend second, and Casey reacts accordingly, so they're not super close friends. I can see some physical attraction between the two, more Casey towards Viola than vice versa(partly bc of Viola's thing for Shaundi, but also just in general). I don't think they ever hooked up but like they easily could have given the right situation.

Romantically, on the other hand, I can't see it at all. Viola and Casey are both, to me, "cool" characters emotionally. While they aren't unpleasant people I think both of them have a certain standoffishness, though Viola's would appear as more "professional/detached" and Casey's as "chill/unphased".

I think they both have a great deal of capacity for love. But I think they both need an emotionally warm character to unlock that. I think Shaundi for example is emotionally warm even if some of the barriers she puts up from SR3 onwards make it hard to see, which is why time and place dependant, she works as a ship for them both. For the record, they could potentially work as a triad. Maybe. But I also feel like there's also something about the Shaunvi vibe that Casey would just throw off completely. Maybe because she's almost the mediator between them so she might balance out what's passionate and interesting about them.

This is going a little off topic but I've actually wanted to talk about this aspect of Casey for a while because when you look at their first impressions you wouldn't get that she is the cold one and Matt is the warm one. Matt doesn't immediately come across as "warm" at all but I would chalk that up to fear and anxiety. In SR4 we get to see him acting a lot more openly emotional as well as passionate about things he cares about, because he's found a group of people he actually feels comfortable enough around to be himself. Leaning more towards headcanons (although maybe not so much when you see his rejected advances towards Asha in-game) I have him as quite physically affectionate/touchy feely. It's a combination of sensory seeking and not always being able to put his affection for people into words.

I don't allude to it here as much but in my writing I make frequent mention of it. Casey talks about how she's always cold and Matt is really warm as a justification for being physically close with him. I constantly have Casey tell Matt to relax/breathe when he's panicking and talk about how he finds her cool touch calming. That sort of thing. If you want to go one further there's the fact that Casey smells warm (cinnamon) but feels cold when you get closer, and Matt smells cold (lemon) but when you get closer he's physically warm.

But getting back to my actual point- Matt and Casey take a long time to get together because he's like a very persistant hairdryer melting a block of ice. But it works eventually. With Viola, Shaundi is more like a decent heat source which melts the ice very easily once her own barrier (in my hc, finding out in 2016 that Johnny isn't actually dead) is lifted. Viola and Casey on the other hand are just... two blocks of ice. It's a nice thought but it's just not going anywhere.

[samevans-wmu]

[Private] If I do get exhausted we can just lay around in our room and cuddle up on one of our beds. Or, and don't laugh too hard at this, I can put together a make shift blanket fort and set up the laptop inside it to have some background movie on. Or music. Right now the top item on my Spring Break list is a beach. I've never gone on my own without family and it'll be nice to just go and drink a beer while I watch the sunset. I plan to attempt surfing, play some volleyball, kill this pale skin with a tan. I used to be on the swim team back in high school. It would be even better if you're there with me but I know that's asking A LOT and I don't want to make you feel you're trapped with me. I didn't send it because I'm trying to play it cool with how much I like you. Which me saying shows how hard playing it cool is. The room was very empty without you here. Even if we were in the middle of our own thing I like to look over and see you. You have such an adorable look on your face whenever you're studying or reading.

Just so you know I'm interested in yours too. I'm also glad you're not freaked out about the sex-related questions. I try my best to not get too graphic when it comes to those things. I love sex and I'm comfortable talking about it but I've always been the kind where I prefer to talk about it with close friends or someone I'm really into. 23%??? Did I go down or did it creep back up?! I haven't kept track! How about a kiss after every word? It'll take 7 days to read a chapter. I have thought about you reading sexy scenes to me while I kiss up your neck...

Just gotta find someone to record this! And to see if Cedes will be down. Annnnnnd to work on a script. hahaha So much goes into making a short film I guess. I don't know how people crank out so many mini stories on TikTok. Yup! I didn't want to hog our room but I got it before I realized you were going away for the weekend. Buuuuut we did get room service which is something we don't have at the dorms.

Frannie...that's such a sweet thing to say. I will LOVE to meet your grandmother. If my folks lived nearby I would offer you to meet them too but they're way over in Tennessee. At least you've met my kid sister and brother. So that's something! Yeah, that voice really is a complete butthead. I've gotta hear you say that word in person because I bet it sounds cute coming out of you. I feel we've been around each other long enough for me to trust your heart's intentions, Frannie. I know you say these things because you actually give a damn and not because I'm just some random who is woe is me-ing. How about if you notice I'm being too hard on myself you tickle me or something? Just to help pull me out of that headspace? For the record, since you brought up teams. I'm Team Frannie all the way. I would put on your Cheerio's outfit and rah-rah just to show how big of a fan I am of yours.

Hey, if life gets too busy, just let me know. The last thing you'd want is to get social burnout or end up exhausted. Living together gives us the benefit of bumping into each other all of the time. I'm so excited for Spring Break! What are your go-to plans if you went to the beach? Do you relax? Do you play sports or different games? Do you swim? Do you go exploring? So many options. A movie review from both of us sounds perfect. Why didn't you send it? It's been way too long. I'll be back this evening, though. I will admit, it's been strange being away from campus this weekend. The M&M's are very similar except these ones don't make you feel as sick as Reese's Pieces do. You'll have to forgive me for being relatively upfront here, but of course I'm interested in the posts you share on here. It helps me to know more about you. Especially since I'm still 23% certain you're totally a serial killer still. It's either that, or my newest theory is that you're just the sweetest person to ever exist. I'd love to read to you sometime. Only if I can give you sweet kisses every time a chapter ends. Maybe every few sentences. Or a sentence. It just depends.

Please can this happen? I'd definitely watch that kind of movie, especially with such a stellar, all-star cast of Sam Evans and Mercedes Jones. You booked a hotel room? That must have been one mega-serious, super dedicated marathon! It runs in the family, for sure, although I'd love for you to one day meet my Grandmother. She's the cutest person to ever exist and I'm convinced she'd absolutely adore your impressions. Sammy...please pardon my profanity here, but that voice in your head is a total butthead. Every time it tries to talk to you like that, try your hardest to block it or remind yourself that you're not going to listen to that kind of talk because you're incredible. The world is a hard place, and the last thing you need is to turn against yourself. Business is a good major, but if you don't have that passion or that joy towards it, is it really the kind of path that'll work out, long-term? Through you being here, at college, trying your best - you're already doing more than enough than you know. I don't know enough about your situation at home to properly comment, so please correct me if I'm stepping out of line here. The last thing I want to do is upset you. What I do know is that I care about you, so any answers you'll get from me will be Team Sam all the way.

[imaginingmanyfandoms]

Paul's Lullaby | part two

<previous | next>

It had been a few days since your attack on the beach. Since then, Paul really didn't like when you were home alone. Or walking to work alone. Or anywhere alone really. It didn't have to be with him, but he needed to know he, or someone he trusted could get to you in time.

He was worried that the leech had caught your scent, and would come back. Sam didn't think so, Sam was under the impression that this person was actually testing their lines, and he wouldn't let the same mistake happen again. You were still waiting for Paul to tell you the whole truth, but you were being patient, as he had been with you. It was clear that whatever it was, was hard for him to say.

Your couch was permanently occupied by Paul, who picked you up from work to drive you home. And if he couldn't make it, he'd send one of the pack, or one of the imprints to pick you up and bring you to Emily's house.

You were cautiously optimistic about where things were going with Paul. There was still some trust issues, but you were working on it together. And no matter how much Embry or Jared talked about Paul's anger issues, you didn't really see it.

Currently, you were at Emily's, sitting on the couch and trying to stay awake until Paul got there. He made you feel safe.

"Have you seen this?" Emily asked holding a newspaper. There were missing people all over Seattle. It's what had Paul working overtime. He was pulling more than his fair share, and you knew that had to do with you. But you didn't understand what.

"Is anyone ever going to tell me what's going on?" you asked, but your tone was light, joking. Emily laughed, and sat by your legs on the couch.

"Paul really is taking his time, huh?" She gave you a sad smile. "He's doing that for your benefit."

"I know, I know," you said. "I'm just really confused. I swear the scenarios I'm making up in my head must be worse."

"Probably," she said. You both laughed this time.

"Well he better snap to it."

"I'm heading to bed," Emily said, patting your leg over the thin blanket. "You okay out here?"

"Yeah, thanks Em. Goodnight," you said.

"Goodnight."

"Wake up honey."

Paul was gently shaking your arm. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, trying to wake you up as nicely as possible. Jared laughed in the background at how soft Paul was around you, but quickly said his goodbyes as he took the night patrol. It takes a tough guy to make fun of someone and then rush out the door. But Paul didn't care.

"Paul?" you asked, finally coming to. "What time is it?"

"Late, it's very late."

"Take me home," you said, holding your arms out to him.

"I like you when you're sleepy, you're very nice." Paul picked you up, and said a quick goodbye to Sam as you closed your eyes again. It made Sam smile.

Paul carried you to his pick up truck, and got you settled into the passenger seat. He even did up your seat belt. You woke up a little more, but your squirming and stretching was the cutest thing to him. He was so enamoured with you. He didn't really care how long it took until you trusted him. Or even if you never wanted to be with him, he didn't care. As long as he got to be around you, he would be fine.

"Let's watch a movie tonight," you said, yawning right after.

"I don't think you'll be able to stay awake," he said, smiling.

"Can we try?"

"How about we watch something tomorrow, after work?"

"Okay," you said, closing your eyes again. "Tomorrow."

You fell back asleep before you got home. Paul was driving slowly, and the cool air was filtering in through his open window. He was listening to some folk band, and the whole thing just lulled you to sleep.

When he parked the truck, he did everything he could to get you into your room without waking you up, and he was pretty successful. But as he was tucking you into bed, you woke up a little. He moved to leave but you grabbed his wrist.

"Goodnight Paul," you said, not letting go of his wrist.

"Goodnight honey," he said, daring to lean down and kiss your forehead. You made a happy sound as you rolled over, getting comfortable in bed.

Paul would've done anything in the world to crawl into bed with you and fall asleep. But he was happy just to be here.

So, Paul went back to the couch. And got as comfortable as he could, and fell asleep, reminding himself that you were safest when he was here. And that he was doing a good job protecting you.

The next morning went better than most mornings. You woke up in a good mood, and decided to make breakfast for Paul. He'd been working so hard to protect you, that he deserved at least a fraction of that devotion back.

You made the lot, pancakes and eggs. A small fruit salad and a plate of bacon. While the pot of coffee finished, Paul wandered into the kitchen stretching.

"Mmm," he groaned, "something smells good."

"I made you breakfast," you said, a smile on your face.

Paul was in love with you, that much he knew for sure. And today he got his first sign that maybe you were at least starting to fall for him too. It was a good day.

"Eat up," you said. "I have to work in a few hours."

"You're going to eat too, right?" he asked.

"Of course I am," you said, stopping before you left the room. You turned on the radio against the wall. It was some band you'd never heard of, but it was nice enough. Paul was already filling his plate, but you went to pour two coffees. "Cream, sugar?"

"Just black," he said, mouthful of food. "Just come sit."

"All right," you said. "But for the record I wanted the coffee."

You chose the chair beside him, instead of across from him, and he took note of that but didn't say anything. You smiled at him, and he smiled back, like he always did.

Breakfast was relatively quiet, you made small talk about what was going on that day, but mostly you just enjoyed the silence. It didn't feel awkward, it felt right. It felt comfortable. When you were done, Paul wasn't. So you carried your plate to the sink, and rubbed your hand across his back as you passed. His breath hitched slightly, and it made you smile, thinking about how different Paul was.

Maybe it was time you cut him a little slack.

When he finished, Paul helped you clean up. And even shooed you away to get ready for work while he did the dishes.

"Thank you," he said, as you walked back down the hallway. He wiped his hands on a dishcloth and dropped it back on the counter. He leaned back, and you couldn't help but notice how beautiful he is.

"Thank you for being here," you said, suddenly self conscience under his intent stare at you. You pulled your sweater sleeves over your hands, keeping the fabric pinched between your fingers.

"I uh, packed up the rest of the fruit salad. I thought you might like to have it at work." Paul had one of your Tupperware containers sitting on the counter.

"And the bacon?"

He looked guilty. "I ate it."

"It's okay!" you said, laughing at his face. "It was made to be eaten."

He drove you to work, and although you missed to walk, you knew you'd get back to it eventually. When he dropped you off, you hesitated to leave. Paul sat patiently, giving you a moment to collect yourself.

"I want the truth tonight," you said.

"Honey..."

"Just, think about it from my perspective. I have no idea what it is I should be scared of, I have no idea where you work or why you're gone all the time. I'm worried about you, and I'm scared."

"I'm scared too." Paul took a deep breath. "I'm scared that something will happen to you. But mostly I'm scared that if you know the truth you'll be scared of me."

"I wouldn't."

"You don't know that," he said, he looked terrified. "You hated me earlier this month. Couldn't even look at me throughout high school and I am so embarrassed about that. And it's going to be even more embarrassing when I tell you everything because then you'll know that we didn't make eye contact from two years attending the same school."

"I'm sure we made eye contact," you said.

"No." He looked at you, and you could see the pain in his eyes. "We didn't." The look on his face made you hurt. It made your heart deflate, and you would've done anything to see him smile again.

You unclicked your seat belt, but didn't move as it sprang back into place. It didn't feel right to leave the air like this.

The heat he gave off seemed to float right into your space, and there was something about his presence that made you feel more settled than you had in a long time. You wanted to touch him, so you leaned across the middle seat, and placed a tender kiss against his cheek.

"Just think about it," you said, sliding back towards the door and starting to get out. You didn't want to leave him feeling sad, but you had to get to work.

"Have a good shift," he said, watching you leave. He hated watching you walk away.

"You too."

Work had been horrible. Your boss was kind of a jerk, and waiting tables had really lost it's appeal. You'd been serving tables in La Push's best diner, but when the new owners took over, it quickly began to lose it's charm. You wanted to buy it when they were selling, but coming right out of high school you didn't have that kind of cash.

You just felt kind of miserable, so when you saw Jared and Kim waiting for you outside, you just felt annoyed. You were under the impression you and Paul had made plans.

"Hey," Kim said, smiling from the passenger seat. You got in behind Jared. "Don't worry. Paul said another hour, tops."

"Can you guys just take me home? I had a long day and I just want to relax," you asked, pulling your upper body between Jared and Kim's seats.

"I don't know, Y/N," Jared said, making a worried face. "I don't think Paul would like that."

"C'mon Jared," you said. "I'll lock the doors, and I'll call you if I get nervous."

"Jared, she wants to go home." Kim smiled at you. You really liked her.

He rolled his eyes and started the car. "When he freaks out on me, I'm throwing you both under the bus."

"He won't get mad at us," you said, "he said himself. An hour tops."

Jared and Kim were actually really great travel companions. Kim always made sure you were included in conversation, and Jared was not afraid to sing at the top of his lungs which was hilarious. They really cheered you up.

And of course, they waited until you were in your house to pull away.

Inside, you were tired, and cold. And you had wanted to spend some time with Paul. But he said an hour, and you figured we wouldn't lie about that. It wasn't too late that you couldn't give him some of the patience that he had given you.

So you spent the time bringing out some blankets, and pillows. When that was done you made some popcorn and fresh lemonade.

Paul should've been there any second. So you just spent some time tidying up the place. You saw some fabric poking out from under on the blankets, and you yanked on it, pulling out one of Paul's shirts. You laughed. Because it seemed rare to even see him in a shirt.

You pulled your shirt over your head, and put on his instead. Your shorts were hidden by his baggy shirt, even baggier on your small frame.

Twigs snapped outside the window, and you gasped. You knew you locked the door, but decided on checking the windows too. Just so you could say that you did. They were all locked. When you walked back into the living room, Paul was standing there - jaw clenched tight just like his fists were. But you could see the restraint. You could tell he was actively calming himself. You took a step closer.

"Don't," he said, voice cracking. He closed his eyes, hating the way you stop dead in your tracks. He didn't want to scare you. "I told you that I didn't want you here alone for a reason."

"I was so tired after work," you explained. "I wanted to sit on the couch and watch a movie like normal people do."

"I am trying to make things as normal as possible for you," he said, the anger was already washed away, but it wasn't gone. Not entirely. "You just have to trust me."

"How can I trust you when you don't trust me?" you said, voice starting to raise with unavoidable frustration.

"You think that I don't trust you?"

"I'm not allowed to be by myself, how else would you like me to interpret that?" You felt tears brimming at your eyes, the confrontation bringing out your anxiety.

"If we're going to fight, I need you to take three steps back."

"For what?"

"Your safety."

"What does that mean?" you shouted. "Are you scared you'll hit me?"

"I would never hit you," he shouted back. "How could you even think that?"

"I don't want to argue," you said, quietly. "I'm sorry I shouted."

He saw the sad look in your eyes, and could've kicked himself for driving you to this. He nodded, prying his eyes away from your sad ones to look anywhere else. He looked at your shirt, for the first time, and even though he was angry with you, he loved the sight. It calmed him down knowing it was you, in his shirt, a couple feet away.

He held his hand out, palm up for you to take. You did, and he guided you, as if you were dancing - not fighting, to the couch. You sat beside him, and he kept your hand in his.

"I need you to really listen to me," he said, his eyes glossing over with the realization that if he loses you, he'd never be whole again. "For now, I need you to follow all my rules. Even when they seem excessive, or dumb. And in return I will explain everything. And I won't keep any secrets from you."

"I can do that," you said. "If you're always honest with me, I'll be honest with you."

"Okay, tomorrow I'll explain everything. You're off, right?"

"Yeah," you said, shuffling over so you could lean your head against Paul's shoulder. "Can we watch our movie now?"

He put an arm around you, and you fit to him. Like you were always meant to be there. Well, technically, you were.

"Yeah, honey. We can watch a movie now."

[if you want to be added to a taglist for this story then let me know :-)]

[sugar-petals]

Hi :") I would like to ask which footballers are at the top of your mind when it comes to being "masters of duality" (aka being cute at one moment and suddenly being hot at another)? cause there are quite a number of players who fall quite strictly into either categories, like we think of some of them as being helplessly cute and adorable, and others as being just hot and making people feel nsfw all the time jsdjsjdkl,,,thanks!

as a personal tradition i keep up with chelsea and bayern so i can name you a couple representatives from there. let's #gossip 🕵 

- manuel neuer:

baddie body baby face, v chill... blink once and manuel’s acting up, rapid fire comebacks on live television, sobs instantly and needs to hug his plushie when he concedes a goal, goes full mike tyson on any living man who challenges the fruit-tastic sex appeal of our german lgbteam, the next minute blondie causes drama scandals thirst and chaos, ironically when you listen to him u wanna fall asleep, can actually levitate, cutesy simpatico type who’s 1000% mad, morbidly obsessed with sticking out his ass, is 7'11, truly multifaceted and thoroughly untrustworthy himbo hoe, out of his mind, you do you manuel, we love your waist just stay at a distance, his duality scares the whole nation 

- jorgiiiiiiinho:

contrary to his congenially clownish vibes —and they truly are remarkable— jorgeyboy has some ice cold penalty skills (i'm starting to believe not even a magnitude 11 earthquake could throw off his edgy run jump kick technique) and he organizes the entire team strategy cuz he can hashtag mastermind! but off the pitch he has the most inexplicable kitten-like hand gestures and sailor moon level hip poses lmao! there he is, with a beard like a french vice count, and then he acts like he's the brazilian version of pusheen (thx for still serving catboy realness in 2022). needless to say i'm fascinated, jorginho is the manic pixie dream boy i always wanted. stay quirky u bottom

- robert lewandowski: very kind, very lactose-free, and extremely um, he loves a silly little dance, lewy invented cringe before it was cool, not that we should flame him for it but anyway loves. managed to get that one "🌸 tiktok's favorite 🌸" award (INSTEAD OF THE F/$§%&G BALLON D'OR), and then oh i almost forgot: he's also a notorious record goal scoring robot with torso muscles in places u never even knew existed, 999 years old and still wants to go to real madrid, total bookworm introvert but rides the jetski, has the only working marriage on the planet, is a leo, it all just doesn't fit together, but yeah we're gonna win the champions league because of his tiktok dance moves just wait. lewy is always embarrassing us trying to act trendy but he makes up for it with records

- reece james: the only non-ridiculous speciman on this list, i think he's like a cute smiley teddy bear who couldn't harm a fly but the next second u notice all over again just how painfully thicc he is head to toe LIKE WHAT, LIKE WHAT!!!, serge gnabry would be so amazingly proud of all the cakey cake that reecey is baking, and ofc he has that intense sexy bedroom gaze during free kicks, the next second you find out he plays online chess with ben chilwell in his free time lmao i love it, why the hell is he a sagittarius how does that work, did somebody tell him he's sending all these mixed messages? the most confusing duality out there, get well soon baby bun by the way he's dearly missed, and talk about buns: this was the cutest insta post i’ve ever seen below

- kai havertz: there we go again talking about the moody asparagus noodle that doesn’t like pineapple on pizza but alright he’s goodlooking so let’s go, whenever he runs around u ask yourself... is... is this sexyman okay? did someone wave a giant wreath of garlic in front of the weak habsburgian vampire prince? then suddenly he's the most clingy dog dad joke machine alive. tallest in the room but still hides behind his girlfriend or climbs up julian brandt when he's shy, scores the champions league winning goal but breaks his little finger in the carabao cup (get well soon babu), strips on insta one second and takes care of his donkey barn the next, boy toy but make it rural i guess, vain adonis with a flat ass, 90% stupid but his hair has its own gravitational intelligence, has several dualites and i hate it, at least he's always standing around being useless and handsome with his eyes squinty (is he shortsighted? even more sexy points)

BONUS: kings of anti-duality - n'golo kanté. no matter what — always wise and always nice :D someone could go full throttle pep guardiola 'pep' talk on him and he'll just mysteriously giggle. cuz why: n’-goal-o values his time, his life, his happiness, and simply winning. loving the consistency. loving the attitude. loving the smile. hurt him and i’ll destroy you 

- toni kroos: full time dedicated hater of everything & everyone, an interview w/o kroosie nagging = not an interview, most relatable unrelatable person ever, emotional honesty 5000, if a dramatic villain origin story was a person, twitter thug mode dragon slayer, outcritiques timo werner and the german press, probably listens to ice cube, would attack call out and defeat god 

- serge gnabry: category is! sergio's same sarcastic grind 365; try to impress him and you will fail miserably, serge sees through all the bs don’t even try, either busy cooking modelling or fistfighting leroy sané's bullies as they deserve, with serge you always know what you're getting, grew up watching vintage shonen anime what did you expect that builds actual real character. he’s the anti-ronaldo, we should congratulate him on it

- thomas müller: sigh. he’s been doing this for so long we all know the drill... it doesn't matter the situation... full throttle late night bavarian comedy programme mode it just never stops, he's so exhausting and over the top but we all depend on it what do we do, least two-faced person on earth, froze his character since he was like 12, how do his managers survive him, he outlives all of them anyway, zero debate on that he’s football’s funniest manchild

[dearly]

Pete Wentz (6:39:20 PM): Hey Ryan Ross (6:39:39 PM): hey Pete Wentz (6:40:09 PM): Is this the guy fro poanic at the disco Ryan Ross (6:40:23 PM): yeah im ryan, is this pete? Pete Wentz (6:41:12 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (6:41:18 PM): hey man Pete Wentz (6:42:37 PM): How arer you Ryan Ross (6:43:17 PM): im not bad, working on a paper for english. hows everything with the new record? Pete Wentz (6:44:37 PM): Going really well Pete Wentz (6:45:04 PM): How's everything wiht your band are those just remixes Ryan Ross (6:46:01 PM): awesome, yeah we only did those on my laptop because we cant get into a studio yet. but we still have alot of those parts live and full band Pete Wentz (6:46:25 PM): Does it have samples like that Pete Wentz (6:46:42 PM): How many people are in the band.... Are you guys all in hicghschool Ryan Ross (6:47:20 PM): do you mean do we use a sampler? our drummer uses a drum sampler which we put some of the stuff on, and he plays some of it Ryan Ross (6:47:43 PM): im in college. im 18 the other three of them are 17 and in high school Pete Wentz (6:48:26 PM): Like of the pure volume site songs what would not be part of your live show Ryan Ross (6:50:18 PM): well right now the synth stuff because we need a keyboard player. we are trying out a few guys soon though. and some of the drum parts are different. Pete Wentz (6:50:48 PM): I absolutely love the stuff Ryan Ross (6:52:16 PM): but we have two guitar players one sings and i play lead. its kind of hard to describe it. we are a rock band but about half of a song will be dance-ish or sort of 80s sounding Ryan Ross (6:52:28 PM): really? wow thanks alot man Ryan Ross (6:53:12 PM): it really is a huge compliment coming from you Ryan Ross (6:53:35 PM): i was actually really suprised you listened to it Ryan Ross (6:53:40 PM): i didnt expect you to see it Pete Wentz (6:54:00 PM): Is there some pics of you guys anywhere Ryan Ross (6:55:10 PM): no, we are taking them pretty soon for the website, its just not done yet. i have some just of me on livejournal. but thats wierd haha Pete Wentz (6:56:09 PM): Yeah fuck get some to me Pete Wentz (6:56:19 PM): I think I may come see you in californaia Ryan Ross (6:56:44 PM): really? Ryan Ross (6:57:08 PM): that would be awesome Pete Wentz (6:57:46 PM): I've been listeneing to those songs nonstop. Is the band a side thing or is it gonna be fulltime? Ryan Ross (6:58:20 PM): no its full time Ryan Ross (6:59:24 PM): well aside from school. which sucks Ryan Ross (6:59:32 PM): but we want to do this Pete Wentz (7:00:00 PM): When are those kids out of school Ryan Ross (7:00:26 PM): the drummer and bass player are graduating early. so like january and other guitarist/singer graduates in the spring Pete Wentz (7:01:16 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:01:23 PM): Do you know about my label Ryan Ross (7:01:46 PM): yeah i think i saw something a while ago on a journal entry, is gym class heroes the only band on it right now? Pete Wentz (7:03:10 PM): Yeah. I signed the academy. But they are fbr strictly gym class and I am looking for another Pete Wentz (7:03:33 PM): The cool thing about it is I just met with waner and they want both of the bands and to give me an imprint Ryan Ross (7:03:55 PM): oh cool i like the academy alot, oh i see yea i was going to ask you about that Pete Wentz (7:04:03 PM): Which pretty much means a lot more money to promote cool artists Pete Wentz (7:04:14 PM): You guys plays out a lot? Ryan Ross (7:04:39 PM): thats awesome man. actually no we just kind of started this thing up a few months ago, the show in victorville is going to be our first one Pete Wentz (7:05:51 PM): Really Pete Wentz (7:05:56 PM): Interesting Pete Wentz (7:06:11 PM): How much do you guys practice Ryan Ross (7:06:45 PM): we've been trying to figure out the best way to do this stuff live, and we've been having a hard time on figuring out how to make it sound good. depending on the place we might not be able to use all the electronic stuff that we want to do which sucks but alot of venues, at least here might have a hard time setting us up. we practice at

least 4 times a week so like. between 24-30 hours a week Pete Wentz (7:07:09 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:07:21 PM): I am gonna come to the show Ryan Ross (7:08:13 PM): we wish we could more often. but school is getting in the way. and it sucks cause parents think its a waste of time playing music and want me to focus on school. im sure you know how that is. Ryan Ross (7:08:23 PM): thanks alot man really Pete Wentz (7:08:55 PM): I do Pete Wentz (7:09:05 PM): What are peoples reactions to it Ryan Ross (7:10:04 PM): some good some bad. everyone is so into post hardcore stuff these days that some kids just brush it off. which is fine but then some kids like it cause its a little different i guess Pete Wentz (7:11:30 PM): Can that kid sing live? Ryan Ross (7:12:54 PM): yeah, he's been taking voice lessons for a little bit so thats starting to help him Pete Wentz (7:13:19 PM): Is he on? I mean on here he sounds awesome Ryan Ross (7:14:21 PM): yeah he's on pitch, we recorded that stuff with like a 100 dollar vocal mic. the only effects we used was pretty much reverb on the main parts. Pete Wentz (7:14:42 PM): Yeah sounds good kind of like patrick Pete Wentz (7:14:47 PM): I like it Ryan Ross (7:16:57 PM): yeah thats the only thing we get that alot. and thats just how the kid sings. we like your band but we dont want to sound like you guys, or be compared to fob all the time you know? but yeah he is aware that kids say he sounds like patrick so he's just trying different vocal stuff sometimes. Pete Wentz (7:19:06 PM): Here's the thing if I show you guys interest a lot of crappy labels are gonna come and do the same and I don't want a huge mess out there. I mean how interested are you guys in going fulltime when you can Pete Wentz (7:19:19 PM): Yeah you'll get eh patrock thing but how many people. Sound like hime Ryan Ross (7:19:47 PM): so you really think we've got potential then? Pete Wentz (7:19:54 PM): I do Ryan Ross (7:20:05 PM): i've wanted to play in a band for my job ever since i started high school at least. Ryan Ross (7:20:07 PM): we all want to do this Ryan Ross (7:21:05 PM): its like i cant put enough dedication into anything exept playing guitar and writing Pete Wentz (7:23:01 PM): I'm with you Ryan Ross (7:24:05 PM): but yeah. i cant see myself doing anything else but playing in a band, cause every job i've ever had ive hated it Pete Wentz (7:24:57 PM): You don't have a picture of the band Ryan Ross (7:25:44 PM): no, but if you need it i could have my buddy take some tomorrow at practice Pete Wentz (7:26:58 PM): That would be rad Ryan Ross (7:27:37 PM): okay we'll take some Ryan Ross (7:28:08 PM): are you online much? Pete Wentz (7:33:12 PM): Sometimes Ryan Ross (7:33:35 PM): okay, i was just wondering if this was your email incase you arent on i'll just send them Pete Wentz (7:34:17 PM): Yeah send it here for sure Ryan Ross (7:34:36 PM): okay Ryan Ross (7:34:55 PM): dude this better not be a joke, it better be you Pete Wentz (7:35:12 PM): It is Pete Wentz (7:35:34 PM): But there are a lot of fakers out there Ryan Ross (7:35:55 PM): okay. yeah i know someone has shown me like fake journals of you and stuff. thats creepy Ryan Ross (7:36:10 PM): thats why i asked if it was you for sure Pete Wentz (7:36:32 PM): This guy who is iming me is your manager Ryan Ross (7:37:03 PM): is it xxxtoughffxxx ? Pete Wentz (7:37:22 PM): Yeah Ryan Ross (7:37:38 PM): i dont know if he's our manager. he's our friend, he's been helping us out with a website, merch and the show in victorville Ryan Ross (7:38:35 PM): he's starting a company up and he wants to help us out Pete Wentz (7:43:04 PM): Ah I got t Pete Wentz (7:43:32 PM): It Pete Wentz (7:43:37 PM): You guys are awesome and if its what I think it is I want ti to be thenext academy Ryan Ross (7:44:58 PM): wow thanks alot. i hope you like the stuff live, its not completely different but it is different. i mean the singing is the same and all that. Pete Wentz (7:47:46 PM): cool Pete Wentz (7:48:06 PM): You guys look good. The chicks gonna be swooning? Ryan Ross (7:48:38 PM): once we get

a keyboard player who can do all of the sampling we want to do it will be alot better too. its like we know how we want to sound, but just finding the right way to do it i guess is what we are working on. Ryan Ross (7:48:40 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:48:51 PM): i dont know man, we look alright i guess Ryan Ross (7:48:57 PM): we look young Pete Wentz (7:49:42 PM): Youngs not abd at all Pete Wentz (7:49:47 PM): How does the singiner look Ryan Ross (7:50:05 PM): dead sexy. Ryan Ross (7:50:41 PM): he's no pete wentz. but still Pete Wentz (7:51:42 PM): Hahaha Pete Wentz (7:51:54 PM): Goddamn as long as he looks cool.singing Pete Wentz (7:52:14 PM): For sure send me pics and all how many songs you guys have? Ryan Ross (7:52:39 PM): haha Ryan Ross (7:53:00 PM): kk Ryan Ross (7:53:54 PM): we've only got 4 right now, its been tough to write since school started and everyone's busier. and those are the first 4 songs we've written as a band. at the show we'll play those and a cover of new order maybe. or depeche mode. we dont know yet Pete Wentz (7:56:08 PM): Nice Pete Wentz (7:56:21 PM): I gotta run Pete Wentz (7:56:32 PM): But ill hit you on here later Pete Wentz (7:56:38 PM): Send me those pics and write the hits Ryan Ross (7:56:43 PM): okay dude. good talking to you Pete Wentz (7:56:43 PM): Peaaaaaace Ryan Ross (7:56:44 PM): hahaha Ryan Ross (7:56:47 PM): later man Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 7:56:51 PM. Auto response from Pete Wentz: Igot99problems Pete Wentz is back at the computer as of 10:05:48 PM. Pete Wentz is away from the computer as of 10:06:23 PM.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Back in my Zeta appreciation hours lol. You'll probably be one of the only dsmp (analysis) blogs I'll follow because of how positive you try to be, and I have so much respect for you. I sometimes have the urge to post negative or discourse rambles, but I stop when I realize how shitty it just makes me feel afterwards. So props to you for remaining so positive even when the fandom is on fire hah.

Anyways, I love when Tommy turns off his persona (though don't get me wrong I love streamer mode too) and just talks. For all the screeching he does, he has a nice and calming voice. Podcast type beat shit. I was surprised when he was open about his anxiety and getting therapy. He's generally not a too open or "honest" person about this kind of stuff, at least as far as I can tell (somewhat also why I'm not his real name is Tom or Thomas but I digress).

Also, in general, I think it's nice thing to see content creators being open about their mental struggles and how they deal with that. I think so far, Wilbur, Techno to an extent, Dream, and now Tommy have been open about their mental health (I'm not aware of the rest but if they have, props to them too). I couldn't imagine openly telling hundreds of thousands of people on live that I have some mental issues that I'm dealing with, so I love when they're open about it, especially as a person with really bad anxiety and ADHD and depression and probably some other stuff. (Though it sucks when the fandom also latches on to this and either babies them or uses it as hate fuel. This fandom has a weird track record with mental health and 'holy shit what the fuck' takes to certain plots, cough cough exile arc why is there so much victim blaming and abuse apologism??)

So in the midst of all this, weirdly enough maybe, just coming on and sending asks to you is somewhat calming for me. I could just post this but I think this "one-sided" conversation is fun. This past week has been a shit storm for this fandom and yet we're still here. Gotta find the light in the dark I guess. (Side-note: you're never obligated to post these, as is the general consensus with asks, I just like rambling and speaking positively of you lmao.) Hope you stay well!

Hey, feel free to chat in my askbox anytime. I enjoy the interactions as well! Thanks!

Discourse can seem fun at the time. When drama's happening, people become intensely curious and want to know what's going on even if it doesn't involve them. Then once they've caught up on it, they want to give their own input and perspective on things. It's natural!

But it's ultimately draining. Each individual comment on the situation is small, reasonable. The intentions are good. But sheer quantity is overwhelming. There are misunderstandings and miscommunications and genuine negativity mixed in even if they're not the vast majority at all.

You're handing a glass of water to a man who's beginning to drown. You're reaching out a hand to give but only push them further down.

(Sorry that's based on a song lyric xD, and I couldn't not share it.)

Anyway, the fandom is fun and I do love it! I've read so many great posts, seen so much cool art, read some fun fanfiction, shared some thoughts and received nice interactions. The people trending negativity one day are the same people who trend positivity another day. It's all the same community and we should appreciate that, flaws and all. We're not perfect. We're not better and its pride to think otherwise. And its always been this way - people talk about last year Mcyt like it was better but honestly the drama was always there, it was just smaller, but we only remember the good bits.

Heh all that aside yeah, Tommy's a really cool person. I admire him trying to be open and genuine. He wouldn't talk about it and feel so stressed out if he didn't care. He seems to care a lot about being a responsible person and nurturing a good community while feeling like he's not ready to be a good role model as he's still learning and making mistakes and he's struggling to deal with that pressure. It's very cool that he shared all those concerns. I really enjoyed that stream!

Plus the fact that he's got an awareness of his own limits. He admitted that he's had therapy almost casually, recommending it as a good, useful thing to do which is honestly great. Therapy is rather stigmatised and it's not necessarily something you'd expect from someone who seems so confident. I remember there was some worry about if they'd show Tommy's character going to therapy in the Dream SMP whether he'd actually depict it well and do it justice. But now we know he's had firsthand experience and recommends it. (Obviously that doesn't mean they'd definitely portray it well but is so encouraging to know that Tommy at least takes it very seriously.)

Aah this turned into quite the ramble. xD Cheers again for the ask!

[luvlyrv]

Our Songs | Extra | Wendy x F!Reader SM!AU

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: So happy to say this series is completely finished now!! Enjoy!! I'm moving onto more projects and hopefully can wrap up some one shots I've been working on. This is a different style from what I usually do since it is an extra, warning that the post looks really long because it's in bulleted style lol

Date: 9/1/21

Series Masterlist

after your confession with wendy you were stuck with an enormous burst of energy

you were on cloud nine, a seemingly never-ending high

you decided not to text wendy the day right after

you didn't want her to think you regretted anything but you also didn't want to seem too clingy

also it didn't help that just thinking about her was enough to throw you into cardiac arrest

you didn't receive any notifications from wendy either

it was a bit disappointing, but you assumed she was also trying to take in the shock of it all

trying to take your mind off of wendy you spend an entire day running around your house

you pick up your instruments and have the jam of your life

emotional highs are very good for your creativity it seems

you decide to record some things and save some drafts

who knows if it'll be useful in the future?

you worked till you felt dead tired and like you couldn't have another thought in your brain

even after you spent an entire day trying to exert your nervous and elated energy you were still hesitating on texting wendy when you woke up

but you missed her so much already

so you send a text asking her how she feels

she says she feels okay, and then asks about you

'yeah, i'm okay too'

your conversation was rocky

things weren't going as smooth as before

and it was evident that it was because the both of you had no idea how to behave

you took a deep breath before texting her your question

'so, can i take you on that first date?'

you see a bubble showing that she was texting

and then it disappeared

before showing up again

and disappearing

and- ugh! your heart was racing waiting for her answer

i mean, she liked you back right? so why would she say no?

'yeah, of course! :)'

whew, okay, looked like you almost made a big deal out of nothing

little did you know wendy was freaking out

she was a bit embarrassed at herself, acting as if she was a high school kid in love or something

it took wayyy too much concentration for her to type out something sensible

but she was excited for you to finally ask

you were also excited for her to say yes

your first date is at the downtown center

there was a festival and you were hoping to enjoy all the effort the artisans put into their work with wendy

you're walking with her through the numerous stalls set up

as the both of you admire the beautiful crafts set on display your hand reaches for hers

you feel the pressure of her hand squeezing back and you look at her

she looks at you and giggles

you didn't even realize what you were doing

'oh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to do that suddenly.' you freak out and let go of her hand

you're worried that she was laughing at you and that she didn't want to hold hands

'it's okay! i thought it was cute'

she reaches out for you and you don't let go this time

instead you enjoy how happy she seems to be sharing this moment with you

and out in public too

later on you both go to the square where there were musicians

the sun was beginning to set, allowing for beautiful lighting and you appreciated songs you've never listened to before

wendy tugs at your arm while still staring at the performers

'i hope we can perform up there someday. together.'

you smile at her as she still looks on

'i think we will.' you assure her

finally night hits and you both call it a day

you walk her to her car and stop her

you kiss her forehead

'so, will there be a second?' you ask with a smile

you feel like you already know the answer

'i think that sounds great.'

life with wendy in it became easy

you guys seldom fought

and even when you did at least one of you would make something for the other

dropping it off at the doorstep and leaving an apology note

and after enough time of cooling down you would always come back to each other, talking out your problems from before

you personally felt like your work improved as well

wendy had become your muse

you sought to create tracks that would impress her

or that would be worthy of having her voice in it

and you felt like it was easier to write lyrics

because every experience with wendy created new feelings

feelings that you could hardly describe sometimes

when you guys decided to finally start working on your second collaboration you busted out the drafts you created long ago

wendy was impressed after sitting down and listening to your drafts

'woah, how many hidden gems do you have on your computer?'

'well, these ones in particular i made on the same day. the day after i confessed to you.'

you're both flustered

because it's easy to tell the kind of state you were in by the songs

wendy takes your hand and kisses it gently as your music continued to play

'you must think of me pretty highly, if the thought of me compelled you to make something so incredible'

you heat up at her cheesiness

'oh stop it.'

the two of you end up choosing a refreshing feeling/sound for the album

'cause you recharge me every time i see you!' she says

when you guys are almost done producing the album, that was when you went on the dinner date with wendy

the one where you guys would finally confess to the world

after recording and uploading the announcement video the both of you decided to turn off your notifications and avoid reading people's reactions

instead you guys opted to spend the rest of the day baking and then watching a movie together

the both of you decided that it would be stressful to engage with your audience right away, and that's why it took a full day for you both to check your phones again

both seulgi and yeri already knew about your relationship but they both flooded you guys with congratulations anyways

they just wanted you to know they were proud of your bravery!

besides them, both of your families already knew and didn't comment much

they'd already stated how they think you're good for each other when you guys had visited together

especially your younger cousin

cause apparently she's a big fan of wendy and is definitely not using you as a way to get close to her idol

and is definitely not bragging about her how cousin is 'super super cool and famous and is dating another famous person and i think they'll be rich someday!!! so get on my nice side!'

you're happy to see that a lot of fans are happy for your relationship

wendy just keeps telling you 'of course they are, who wouldn't for a cute ass couple like us?'

it was at that point that you guys had decided to save up and move into a nice place together

you guys had talked about future plans before

not only that, but you had been practically living together already

between all the dates that lead to seemingly indefinite sleepovers

and the recent collaboration that made you guys be stuck together

it was really you guys living at each other's place weeks at a time

when you guys move in you're grateful

because you get to experience all the little things from her even more

some nights when you're stressed she rubs circles on your back to help you sleep

when you guys shower together she takes her time to carefully wash your hair

it was those deeply intimate moments that made you the happiest

both of your careers were doing really well due to the reception of your second collab and all the media fuss that happened with your dating annoucement

you both still have solo careers and interact with other musicians

but along with moving in, you guys decided to become a duo and consistently create music together

in the morning when you share breakfast you always remind her how good life is and how thankful you are

[tinyboxxtink]

"Caught In The Storm" *Part 5*

I feel like because this was dictated all the language seems off, but I don't know how to fix it! Please let me know if it doesn't sound like my..."voice", if that makes any sense?

Also YUP we might get through this whole thing tonight. Shut up if these are short chapters you're getting them all at once!

Tag List

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@lolliepopsicle

@aprildecker-blog

@objection-argumentative

Part 6

----

A few days later, you sent texts to everybody in the squad including Rafael to meet you for dinner at Forlini’s for a “special announcement”.

When everyone showed up they found you with Nathan. The both of you were hanging on to each other pretty heavily, making the squad confused, looking from you to Nathan to Rafael to back to him.

“Guys.. this is my boyfriend Nathan,” You grinned.

“Hello all, it’s so great to meet you!” Nathan gave a casual wave to the squad. “Y/N has told me so much about you all,”

“Really?” Fin raised an eyebrow. “Because she hasn't mentioned you at all,” He gave you a look.

“Well.. I wanted it to be a surprise, Daddy,” You nervously smiled.

“Was it that or did you not want some of us to know?” Fin asked, looking between you and Rafael, who looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable

“No I just didn't know how you'd react…” You said through gritted teeth of a fake smile.

“Oh my God,” Nathan whispered finally realizing who Rafael was.

“Baby.. you never mentioned that you were friends with the ADA!” He exclaimed, making the entire group stare in shock.

“He's a lawyer…” you nervously added. Rafael looked like he was going to be sick.

“It's such an honor to meet you sir really, you have been kind of an idol to me for a long time,” He stared goo goo eyed at Rafael, completely unaware that if he could legally kill him in front of all these people, he would.

“Oh my God,” you muttered. This was going worse than you thought.

“You know I would love to pick your brain sometime if you'd let me sir,” Nathan asked while trying to shake Rafael's hand.

Rafael looked from you to Nathan, to you to Nathan in a bit of a shock but he tried to hide it with an awkward smile.

“You know I really don't think that's a good idea,” you interjected, stepping in between the two.

“Actually you know I think that's a great idea. What was your name again-- Nate?” Rafael suddenly had his charm turned up 90, genuinely shaking Nathan’s hand.

“No I really don't think that's necessary,” You said your gritted teeth while giving him a look.

“Baby don't ruin this for me. He could really help my career,” Nathan whispered to you.

“I don't think you know what you're getting into Nate,” You whispered back while glancing at Rafael, who had an evil smile.

"Why don't you call my office and we’ll set up a meeting? Rafael pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to Nate, smirking at you.

“Sounds awesome!” Nathan beamed.

“Well enough of that let's eat,” Fin jumped in, trying to break the tension.

“Sounds good,” Olivia added as you all had dinner uneventful for the rest of the night.

-----

The next day you stormed into Rafael's office.

“What do you think you're doing?” You asked him.

“What do you mean?” He asked, acting oblivious.

“You know what I mean,” you narrowed your eyes. “What's your game here?”

“What game?” Rafael asked. Just because I want to help your “boyfriend” help his career suddenly I have a problem?” He asked.

“I think we both know that's not what's going on here,” you huffed.

“Why would it be anything other than that?” He kept his cool.

“I thought we've been through this, Y/N. We said we were friends, and I just want to do something nice for my friend,"

The word friend pierced your heart like a knife every time he said it you felt your heart breaking more. But that was stupid, because you had already moved on. You love Nathan, right? And Rafael was just trying to be friendly.

“All right fine,” you rolled your eyes. “Fine, help him. It'll be better for us anyway,”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Rafael asked suspiciously.

“Nothing that concerns you friend,” you enunciated, turning on your heels and walking out of the office.

----

The next few weeks Nathan worked under Rafael as an intern, and he was surprisingly loving every minute of it. Every day when he would come home you'd ask him if Rafael had been hard on him, and Every day he would assure you that it was just because he was trying to make him a better lawyer. But you knew better. You just really hope it wouldn't break him, or you.

Meanwhile, a representative from SMG records had been in the audience one night and asked you to come record a demo. You didn't want to say anything to the squad just yet because you didn't want to jinx it. But as you were in the studio recording your demo song, you couldn't help but wish they were there. Especially because you were singing “Caught In The Storm,” as your demo track.

As you sang the words you closed your eyes and drifted back to that night when all of this started. The emotions you felt, the excitement, the rush of emotions, and the way you looked at Rafael and it all came crashing down.

That moment changed your life. And you were pretty sure that it changed him too. But he wouldn't admit it, and you would accept that, and you were happy with Nathan now. You were in a very good place in your relationship, and you were beginning to fall in love with him.

And that was a good thing, right?

----

One day you were headed home from work when your phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N this is Katie from SMG records.”

“Oh yes, how are you?”

“Great. I just wanted to let you know that we loved the demo, and we would like to record a few more songs with you before I send it up to my higher-ups to see if they want to make a full album,”

“Are you serious? That's amazing!”

“It sure is, kid. I'll call you back later with the details,”

This time you picked up the phone and dialed Fin's number immediately.

“Daddy they want to potentially record an album!” You squealed.

“No way baby girl!” Finn cried that's amazing.

After you talked for a few minutes you hung up. You started to dial Rafael's number to tell him the good news, but stopped before hitting SEND.

Why was he the second person you wanted to tell? You should be calling Nathan. You dialed Nathan's number instead.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby I'm sorry to disturb you at work”

“It's fine sweetie, I'm just here with Mr. Barba filling out paperwork,”

Your heart began to speed up.

“Oh…, then I'll be quick. The record company called me and said that they want to record a few more songs, and potentially make an album!”

“Oh my God baby that’s amazing!!! I'm so happy for you!!” Nathan exclaimed. You could hear him tell Rafael the good news in a muffled voice.

You wished you could see the expression on Rafael's face in that moment.

Was he happy?

Was he happy for you?

Surely he was. You hadn't really spoken to him since Nathan started his internship because you didn't want to make it worse for Nathan.

But all you wanted to do at that moment was see Rafael's face and hug him and have him tell you he was so proud of you. It made you want to start crying.

“Well okay I'll let you go,” You said with tears starting to choke your throat.

“Are you crying, baby?” Nathan asked.

“Oh yeah, but just because I'm just so stoked!” you lied, wondering if Rafael knew you were lying if he heard you. you wondered if Nathan knew you were lying. Rafael would know you were lying, he always did

After you hung up, Rafael smiled at Nathan. “So she got her record deal?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah I guess she did, Nathan smiled back like an idiot. “I'm so happy for her! Things are really starting to look our way,”

“Yeah.. that's great. I'm really happy for you both,” He lied, feeling his heart break more every second.

[syubub]

ENERGY CHECKUP: YOONGI (again)

Now, I know I've already done an energy check up on yoon but I wanted to see how he was doing now that he's gotten his shoulder surgery!

Disclaimer time: tarot is not to be takes as fact and is my interpretation if the cards :) entertainment purposes only~

SHIT IS STRANGE (it is Yoongi though so I'm not too shocked)

So. For starters, his energy is pretty calm and chill. He's also a bit more quiet?

I wrote a note that tomorrow is exciting... idk I wrote it down and I'm not sure if its exciting for him or for us? Maybe its just a general like, "tomorrow is a good day" type thing.

Now. 11... I wrote this down and I'm not sure why though I believe that he might be seeing 11:11 on the clock or possibly that something exciting is happening for him at 11:11 (I just checked and thats in like an hour and a half from when I'm writing this down(( update i just finished writing the whole post and it is about 11 minutes away)) idk. I make no promises but I wrote it down so there you go.

I also kept seeing plants and I'm not sure if people got him flowers or plants as a "get well" type thing or maybe he's stressing bc someone has to water his plants lol

Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Black bean noodles. It popped into my head and I was told to write it down but I'm also really hungry so take that with a grain of fucking salt. (I even pictured a nice elaborate bowl that was red as well as the take out container. Yum. Send me noodles)

MOVING ON

Here's the actual reading lol. He is bored.

Thats all. Thank you for coming.

Jk

I joke. The cards give me a kind of frazzled feeling? Its the struggle of knowing hes done something good but it comes at a cost. Yoongi works. A lot. All the goddamn time. So what now? He's having this shake up thats forcing him to deal with stuff. Him having this surgery also may have brought back some less than favorable memories/ feelings that hes being forced to deal with now. Over all though he feels like its good. The 6 of wands makes me think that he's thinking of our response when he comes back. Its like he's gonna be so much more confident in himself and his dancing and he can finally move on from the car accident? It happed so long ago but he literally carried this burden with him. Its good. The wheel of fortune and is about a change and the 8 of swords is about self imposed restriction, imprisonment and over all bad/ negative feelings. I pulled the wheel of fortune first and asked what was changing and that was the 8 of swords. This surgery is helping to free him from this restricting, painful thing that may have been reminding him of the past! YES HEALING

Now. For this section I just kinda asked "whats up?" And got, easy does it, divine life purpose l, balancing masculine and feminine energies and uplift your thoughts. He may be resting but he's got his mind working on 3,000 my dude. Its the regular "yoongi is woke af" bullshit but damn. The cards say what they say. He's preparing. I'll come back to this.

Now the 7 of cups and the 3 of swords. I asked how he felt about missing out on promoting. He's heart broken with the 3 of swords. It genuinely pains him. And with the 7 of cups he might feel like there's a lot of ways this can play out and he's considered a lot of options.

I was curious how he felt about me coming into his energy so I asked him what he thought of me. Lol. These each came out separately. We got, 2 of cups, four of wands, the empress, justice, the magician, the sun and the lovers. Ha

So. To add to the mood setting my guide said "he's a drama queen" lol yeah he is.

So so so so so. I was confused? Still am a little confused but I'm like 80.9% sure that he isn't bothered by me poking around in his energy n shit. In fact my theory is that he's using this connection to his advantage? Lol sounds dumb but my best guess is that home boy sees my energy/ what I'm doing as a way to figure out his own shit? Idk maybe he thinks I'm his energetic therapist. Maybe even a matchmaker (I mean... I have been putting a lot of energy and work into finding/ connecting with his soulmate so maybe he's letting me do all the dirty work) I really don't understand but I got no further explanation.

Oki oki oki. Now. I was drawn to 2 books. The kybalion and the prophet. I asked yoon if there was any messages that we wanted to point out through the books and I got a number for each book so I took it as page numbers. 28 for the prophet and 54 for the kybalion

Take what you will from these if it calls to you. I haven't read these since I was around 13? The sentiments for each felt important to me so I'm curious what you all might think/ feel when reading these? ( I also get the feeling that Yoongi has read the prophet idk why)

Okay. At this point I was like cool, let's wrap this up but I need to talk about his pjs? Green/grey? Plaid pj bottoms don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me I don't know but It wouldn't go away so I had write it down? Help.

I had written yoongis brother down too. Theres something about him? I'm not sure what but thats all I got lol

I was very strongly told that I needed to remember 7, that its important. Got it. Worth it down.

Oki. As I was going back to the platform blah blah blah the string turned blue too. The cord is usually white or silver but it was blue so that was a fun thing and then I was like "nice. Cool. Thanks. This was awesome, get healthy blah blah" and go to leave/ end the connection but the cord wouldn't go away.

???

What.

Then the string (idk if I said but that string shit is like on the third eye? Its connected to my forehead and his too.) Kind tightens.

I'm like, "oh shit."

Listen. Usually everything is smooth and nice and I just leave.

All is well though bc my guide is like, "stop being a little bitch" so I just let it happen.

Yoon shoves me back off the edge of the platform. Why he gotta be like that?

Now. This is strange. I had dropped down into a library.

Y'ALL

I almost shit my fucking pants. Dear god.

THE AKASHIC RECORDS MY DUDE

He started walking me around until he found a blue book. His mother fucking book.

Home boy brought me to his fucking Akashic fucking blue fucking book.

I was big mad. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOUVE KNOWN ABIUT THIS SHIT?" And he was like, "duh"

I've never felt more disrespect lol

Also the way the library was presented was way way way different from how it looks to me. So thats an interesting note. Looking at his book, on the base of the spine is a number 7...

Oki. Cool. I asked if I could look and he said, "Sure, when you can find your way back."

This mother fucker threw me out of a meditative state. Have you ever woken up just before you hit the ground in one of those falling dreams? THAT WAS THE FEELING.

?? I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if it holds actual significance.

Anyway. After cursing the fuck out of yoobi I started thinking what else 7 ment.

I was specifically told to remember 7 and it was on his book. Then It popped into my head (I want to say its because I'm smart and thought of it all by myself but I think that was my guide wanting me to keep my last brain cell safe). What is yoongis life path number?

Now I don't know shot about life path numbers but imma read up on them tonight. I used a life path calculator on Google. HIS LIFE PATH NUMBER IS 7 Y'ALL.

Maybe I'm dumb as fuck but yoobi never disappoints.

Conclusion: Yoon is fine. Hes just being a yoongi and a yoongi does.

⬆️Me after this reading⬆️

⬆️ Yoongi rn playing 12D chess⬆️