#but for real hope this helps the next time anybody else is also emotionally recovering from the finale 😁

[culpeppercheckers721]

Well, my fellow Turn fans…

I just finished the finale for the millionth time, and I am, of course, as emotionally gutted as I was on the first watch. So, to cope, I use shitty low-quality Turn memes, and here I finally share the shitpost I made literally HOURS after finishing the finale for the first time…

The flute scene but with Titanic on kazoo

*Do note that this should be on YouTube tomorrow… 👀*

When I was binging Turn memes after crying over the end, I was shocked to discover that no one, to my knowledge, had done this yet. SO: I made the flute scene even more surreal than it already is.

IT BE OLD, SO IGNORE THE UGLY-ASS WATERMARK, BUT ENJOY BESTIES 💃

[your-modern-shakespeare]

A Little Too Real (6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5, Part 5

Summary: RealityTV!AU- You are a wardrobe supervisor for a popular TV network. The show is planning a reality TV show like the bachelor and Bucky is the newest contestant. But as the competition starts he realizes that he doesn’t like any of the girls…on the show anyway.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (eventual)

Word Count: 5066

A/N: So I know that this is a long time coming but I hope that this is good. I’ve had a big writer’s block problem but I feel like I’m getting past it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and Happy Halloween!

Warnings: angst, a little fluff, hospital stuff, mentions of injury, car crash details, I don’t know what else

Tags: @fangirl1802, @seargantbcky, @lust-for-pan, @38leticia, @barnes-and-noble-girl, @karipaleta, @capandbuck, @camillechan, @findacauseandserveit, @audasia25, @kendallefire , @alicerozenju, @snuggleducky, @mell-bell, @lifeasabookbutterfly, @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi, @iamwarrenspeace

Y/N’S POV

I remember the car accident, that wasn’t the problem. It was how bad I wanted to wake up, but couldn’t. The accident played in a loop in my head, over and over again and I had no understanding of what was happening outside of my head.

You know those movies where people get stuck in a coma and leave their bodies and try to figure out why they couldn’t get back and they look in on their loved ones and whatever else happens? That was not this. It was me and my head hashing it out for consciousness.

But just when I thought that I couldn’t take it anymore, I started to hear something else.

“She’s going to be fine. You heard what the doctor said.” Steve?

“It doesn’t make me feel any better, no matter how much he reassures me. I mean look at her, she’s bound to be in a lot of pain.” Hearing Bucky’s voice simultaneously made me feel calmer and more excited. He was here, waiting for me.

“We won’t know until she wakes up.”

“Yeah.”

“She is going to wake up.”

“I know.”

I don’t exactly remember when everything happened, like time of day and how long I had been at the hospital, but according to what Bucky had said, he had stayed up most of the night, waiting for me to wake up. And trying to think really hard about the order of things, I realized that I missed filming and his mother’s birthday party. So not only did I feel bad physically, but also bad emotionally.

It wasn’t until the next day that I woke up and honestly it was terrifying. Apparently it had been too early and I ended up panicking when I started to choke on the tube running down my throat. I don’t know what I would have done if Bucky hadn’t been there.

Very quickly did the nurses come running in to help me, but as I tried to pull the tube out myself, Bucky was there to hold my hands and keep me from hurting myself. I just remember him repeating that I was okay and I just kept my eyes on him as the nurses took out the tube. But also one of things that made waking up early harder was that breathing by myself still hurt like hell. But the nurses also saw that, so instead of just having the tube of oxygen under my nose they gave me a mask that gave me more oxygen to help steady my breathing. The nurses left the room and Bucky started to move away from me, but I grabbed his hand and held it as tight as I could, hoping that he could see on my face how much I needed him to stay by my side.

He moved his hand to wrap around mine and gave me a small smile.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said. He let go of my hand just for a second so that he could move the chair back over to the side of the bed before sitting down and grabbing my hand again.

The nurses came back in, a lot sooner than expected, giving me some pain medication that made me very tired. As much as I didn’t want to go back to sleep it was too hard to keep my eyes open. Right before I passed out I wrapped my hand back around Bucky’s so that, hopefully, he wouldn’t leave me while I slept. I didn’t want to be alone.

BUCKY’S POV

I couldn’t get her terrified look out of my head. She looked so lost and scared and she, without saying anything at all, begged me to stay by her side, to not leave her alone. So that’s what I did.

Steve came and went, Peggy came by and dropped off a bag of personal items from her apartment, and my mom kept calling non stop wanting information about my “friend.” She didn’t really imply air quotes but it was the way that she said friend that made me think that she thought otherwise.

Anyway, though Y/N didn’t have the tube down her throat anymore they did have her hooked up to an oxygen mask to help her get air easier, hopefully put less stress on the torn lung. But the longer that she slept the more worried I grew. I just wanted to know that she was okay, I wanted to take her home and help her feel as normal as possible, help her get back to herself.

The doctor had come in several times to check in on her and he explained to me some of the things that I would have to help her with after her discharge.

For one, she would most likely be in a wheelchair until she had less chest pain, enough to use crutches. I would also have to watch her very closely after we left the hospital for any signs of distress, breathing difficulties, excess pain or anything else that seemed out of the ordinary for someone who tore both her lung and diaphragm, like I knew exactly what that entailed. But overall it made me nervous, not only because I was now put in charge of what happened to Y/N but also because I had to make sure that she didn’t die on my watch.

You know, I could handle the broken leg and helping her get around, I mean I had done it with my arm for a long time. But making sure that her lung didn’t recollapse or that her diaphragm doesn’t rupture was a big load to carry on my shoulders. One that I was happy to do, but very nervous about.

So as she slept longer and longer I just watched her and prayed to anybody listening that she would be okay soon. But seeing her like that, just so lost to everything happening, made me kind of into a wreck and I’m pretty sure Steve saw it. He never said anything but he did little things to help me out. Like he brought me clean clothes and coffee and food and every couple of hours he would try to convince me to sleep but I never listened to him.

With that, I never had any reason to leave the room, so I had a lot of time to think about things, especially my latest revelation.

I loved her.

The longer I sat there, the longer I thought about how stupid I had been. Ever since the moment I had met her I knew that there was something special about her. But I had pushed everything down because I had been scared that my feelings would get in the way of us working together. Still, despite my best my efforts, I was hopelessly in love with her and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. But I had almost lost her...I couldn't imagine my life without her and I had almost lost her.

So how would I keep someone as important as her in my life and not tell her that I love her? How would I keep her safe and make her happy without her being mine? How do I move on from here?

I was torn away from my rampant thoughts when I heard a labored intake of breath.

“Y/N?” I called out and moved closer to her side. She was messing with her wires and trying to pull the mask off of her face, she was clearly disoriented.

I grabbed her hands to make sure she didn’t pull anything out, but she pulled her hand out of mine and moved her mask down so that I could hear her better.

“You’re here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I moved the mask back down over her nose and mouth, making sure thats she was breathing again.

I sat by her bedside and told her everything that had happened since I found her in the hospital. So far she hadn’t said anything to me, just listened to everything I had to say, welcoming the distraction. But as I reached the most present instant before her waking up, she took her mask off again and took in a deep breath.

“I’m sorry...I missed—”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not upset that you weren’t there.”

“You’re a liar.”

“How do you know me so well?” She smiled just a bit before she moved the mask back on her face. “I admit that I was a little upset, but knowing what I know now...I’m just glad that you're okay, because honestly I...I don’t know what my life would be like without you in it.” She grabbed my hand and looked at me like she was happy.

As the next few hours passed she started to breath better and better. She said that there was still some pain in her chest but the doctor said that that would be normal as she healed. And then he got to the good part.

“Mrs. Y/L/N, you’re surgery was very successful and it looks like you’re recovering a lot faster than expected. That being said, your father has asked your friend Mr. Barnes to help with your post-op care.”

“Is there a lot?”

“Well we could keep you here in the hospital and have you under 24/7 watch for the next week, make sure that what we did sticks. Or you can go home and have your friend do it.”

“Is there a lot?”

“I don’t mind helping.” I said to her.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to help, I just want to know much he would have to do.” She said to me and then the doctor.

“He will need to watch you and make sure that you’re breathing. We’ll give you a portable oxygen tank just in case you have any need for it but if something does go wrong, he will be the one to bring you back to the hospital and we will operate again. Other than that, you will need to be in a wheelchair until we can confirm that your diaphragm and lung are healed enough to use crutches. So he will be helping you get around and you may get tired of him being everywhere because he will be for the next couple of weeks. But in six to eight weeks you will get your cast removed. Until then you will need help, so you can not be afraid to ask for his help.”

“I’m not afraid to ask for help.”

“Y/N, I’ve read that people who have major surgery, tend to sink into themselves. They don’t want to burden their friends because they’re scared that they’ll lose them. You’re scared that you’ll ask for too much. So you may not be scared to ask but you’re scared that I’ll turn away from you when you reach that point.” I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. “You have done so much for me, more than I could ever repay, please don’t push me away. I want to help you.”

“You won’t run away from me?”

“No.”

Y/N and I spent the rest of the day hanging out around the hospital and she seemed to be growing stronger and stronger. She was still hooked up to oxygen but the doctors said that there was a big chance that she could go home tomorrow morning.

Steve and Peggy brought by some non hospital food for dinner and the four of us talked and Y/N laughed, even though it was little and it hurt. But it was fun...until the talk took a turn. I’m not sure how we got so serious but it brought up some good points and things that I needed to talk to Y/N about.

So when Steve and Peggy left I got Y/N’s attention and brought up what had been going through my mind.

“I think you should move in with me...during the recovery.” I blurted.

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, kind of like making a mental pros-cons list, so just hear me out. I’m going to have to watch you very closely over the next week and this is serious. I’ve been talking to the doctor and he’s shown me things to look out for and there's a lot that could happen to you and I need you...to be okay.”

“Bucky do you know why I was hesitant at first when the doctor said that you would be the one to help me with my recovery?”

“No, why?”

“You are my best friend. My best friend. I was so excited to see you here because I was hoping that you would do what you did when I woke up. You told me what was happening with everyone, you talked to me like we were at work and while you talked to me I forgot about the images flashing through my head. And then the doctor comes in and starts talking about my recovery and you disappear. I know that you’re worried but I don’t need whoever that was earlier, I need my friend. What’s about to happen...I’m scared.” She took in as deep a breath as she could as the tears started to form in her eyes. “I can feel where they cut into me...what they did to me and I’m scared by what the doctor said because I don’t want anything to happen again. So I don’t need you to be my doctor or my babysitter, I need you to be my friend. I need you to make me forget the accident, I need you to not treat me differently and I need you to support me and keep me breathing. You said you needed me, but I need you, I need you Bucky.”

She had a few tears running down her cheeks and her breathing was ragged, she was clearly upset by what I had said and I felt terrible about it. I grabbed her hand and made sure she was looking at me.

“I'm here for you, whatever you need from me, and I’m sorry if I freaked you out. I’m not trying to change what we have and if you want me to talk your ear off, I’ll talk your ear off. But I’m worried too and I’m scared that I’ll do something wrong and it helps me to think about this as if I know everything that could possibly happen to you. The doctor wants to release you in the morning and I really wanted to get all of this doctor talk and the medical preparations done here so that I don’t have to bring it out of there. Your recovery shouldn’t be about that, so I’ve been preparing now so we don’t have to deal with it later. I know that we are going to be okay because once we get out of this god forsaken hospital everything will go back to semi-normal. We’ll figure things out as we go and we’ll keep everything fun and easy. But most importantly I’m always going to be you’re friend and I’m always going to be here for you. No matter what, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really?”

“Really.” She took in a deep breath and wiped the tears off her face.

“I’m sorry for exploding like that.”

“It’s okay. All of this is overwhelming, I should have gone a little slower.”

“You’re just trying to help.”

“Yes, but what you’ve been through is traumatic and it will take you some time to adjust. I know for a fact that trying to operate with one leg will be difficult, so at least I know something about that.”

“I’m lucky that you’re helping me.”

“I’m happy I finally get to do something to pay you back. Not that I’m trying to get even but it’s nice to be able to do something for you.”

“You do a lot more than you think.”

“I would love to hear what.”

“It’s my secret.”

“Well, maybe one of these days I’ll get you to tell me. I know that you may not want to think about this right now, but I would feel more comfortable if you would move in with me for the week. I mean, logistically it would be easier to get your wheelchair through my apartment door on the first floor than your door on the second...so that’s the biggest thing. Not that I wouldn’t carry you up to your apartment but I thought it would be easier.”

“That’s fine.”

“And Peggy brought you some clothes so you should be good for at least a couple of days, maybe after work we can swing by your place if you need some more stuff.”

“You guys are too good to me.”

“We’re all here for you. We’re going to get you through this.”

“I know.”

The following morning, Sunday, the nurse helped Y/N get changed into her pajamas and gave her some tips on how to keep her cast as clean possible but as she got ready I left the hospital to get us some real food. Y/N would have to eat before she took her medicine so I figured she would want something other than gross hospital food. So as soon as she was dressed I gave her her food and I loaded my car while she ate. 20 minutes later we were out of there with discharge papers and a very doped up Y/N.

She was pretty quiet the whole ride home but I just chalked it up to the meds. She would usually take these at night so that she could pass out afterwards but the doctor said that she would make it home before that happened today.

I pulled up to my apartment and looked over at Y/N...who was completely passed out against the window. So instead of making a big fuss of the wheelchair, I just decided to carry her in and set her on my bed.

So I walked around to the passenger door, made sure she didn’t fall out when I opened the door, and picked her up. But as soon as I got up to my door I realized that I had no way to open it, so instead I kicked it really hard and hoped my mom would be home.

The door opened and she went to say something but I think she was shocked to see me standing there with a woman in my arms. So she just moved out of the way and let me inside.

“What are you—who is this?” She asked.

“This is Y/N, she’s staying with me for the week so I can make sure she doesn’t die.” I kept walking back to my room and she just followed.

“What?” I kicked open the door to my bedroom and placed Y/N on the bed. I grabbed a few pillows, propped up her leg and put the covers on top of her, making sure that she would have no reason to wake up. As soon as I got her comfortable I met my mom out in the living room where I knew I would hear either harsh words or overexcited personally invasive questions. I figured more of the second.

The first thing to come out of her was a complaint about me not calling her with enough updates but pretty much everything after that was her grilling me about Y/N. Apparently I hadn’t told her enough about Y/N because to her this “obviously seemed like something more.” It took me a while to convince her otherwise and I’m still not really sure she believes me but I needed to focus on Y/N.

So I grabbed my phone and went to sit in the chair in the corner of my room, that way I could keep a close eye on Y/N and so my mom couldn’t walk in and yell at me anymore.

So I just sat and waited, waited for her to wake up...again.

A couple of hours had passed and Y/N had woken up. She was still kind of fuzzy but...she was beautiful. She hadn’t showered, her hair was a mess, she looked exhausted but she was the most beautiful person in the world.

I moved by her side and we talked most of the day. I made her food and I introduced her to my mom...which was very nerve wracking for many reasons and yet they seemed to be getting along greatly. Y/N apologized profusely for missing the party and said that as soon as she could she would make a new batch of birthday pies for us to enjoy. But my mom made sure that she understood that we both didn’t expect anything other than her taking as much time as she needed to heal.

“You know, Bucky didn’t tell me that you would still be here, but I’m glad you are, I wanted the chance to meet you before you left.” Y/N said.

“He didn’t tell you? Yeah I’m staying over for a few days. He works too much and I don’t get to see him enough.”

“So if she’s staying in the guest room and I slept on your bed, where are you sleeping?” She asked me very accusatory.

“I am taking the couch.”

“Bucky—“

“Don’t be like that. I don’t mind.”

“Well I do.”

“Well don’t, I volunteered to help you out and luckily my couch is very comfortable.”

“And if it wasn’t?” She said now amused.

“Well of course I would have to throw you out on the street and just hope that you would make it home.”

“Oh okay, because that sounds exactly like something you would do.”

“Oh yeah.” We were both smiling at the turn of the conversation and I risked a peek at my mom who was just as if not more happy at how the two of us had reacted to our disagreement.

So with that, I tried to make the most out of the time we had left in the day and gave Y/N as much normalcy as possible. We moved out to the living room and just lounged around watching movies and laughing and later my mom made us some dinner. Of course she had a secret agenda but I think I missed her home made food so much that I didn’t even bother to bring it up.

When it was time to go to bed I moved Y/N back into my room, propped her leg back up on the pillows and brought her her new nightly medication.

“So, I will be on the couch if you need me, just call out, I’ll leave the door open.” I turned to leave her for the night but she stopped me.

“Wait, Bucky?” She grabbed my hand. “I don’t want this to be weird but, will you stay with me?”

“Sure. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah..I just don’t want to be alone.”

“This isn’t about me sleeping on the couch is it?”

“No.” She almost looked scared.

“Okay.”

So I walked around to the unoccupied side of the bed and climbed underneath the covers right next to her. She moved so that her head was resting on my chest, her arms wrapped around me, and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around her, feeling like she needed me to hold her.

“Are you sure everything's okay?”

“I remember everything.” She took in a deep breath. “I don’t want to.”

“I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”

“Thank you.”

“Good night Y/N.”

“Goodnight Bucky.”

STEVE’S POV

It was days like today that I loved. I had the day off, got to spend all of my time with Peggy and we actually fell asleep at a reasonable time.

We were both in a dead sleep until the loud ringtone of my cell woke me up.  I quickly picked it up hoping to not wake Peggy.

STEVE: Hello? I whispered.

WINIFRED: Steve?

STEVE: Hey Winnie, what can I do for you?

WINIFRED: Can you come over here?

STEVE: Is everything okay?

WINIFRED: Yeah I just need you to come over here, if you don’t mind.

STEVE: Sure, I’ll be there in a bit

WINIFRED: Thanks

STEVE: No problem

I hung up the phone completely confused about what was going on.

“What did Winnie want?” Peggy asked.

“She wants me to come over to Bucky’s.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t say.”

“She does know that it’s like one in the morning.”

“She wouldn’t have asked me to come if it wasn’t important.”

“I know.”

“Just go back to bed, I’ll see what’s happening.”

“I’m already awake, it could be something good. I don’t want to miss it.”

“Maybe you're right.”

So we both got dressed and headed over to Bucky's apartment. Winnie must have been waiting for us because we didn’t even get a chance to knock on the door before it swung open.

“It’s about time you got here.” She said, leaving the door open as she marched away.

“We only live ten minutes away.” Peggy said.

We just followed Winnie and she walked towards Bucky’s room...okay, I knew what this was about.

The three of us moved to stand in the doorway of his bedroom, seeing that Y/N and Bucky were sleeping together, arms wrapped around each other, just like a couple would do. Yeah, we definitely knew what this was about.

“What is happening with him? First he tells me that they’re friends, then she is moving in for the week, and now they’re sleeping together.”

“They are friends.” Peggy started.

“But he has feelings for her.” I continued.

“And she has feelings for him.”

“Then why this dance? We should just tell them.” Winnie concluded.

“Well there are some other things that have happened.” I said.

“Like what?”

“Well…” I looked at Peggy and she shrugged. “They kissed at my birthday party, but they don’t remember.”

“Okay.”

“And they work together so I think they’re both trying to keep things professional, you know, because he’s on a reality tv dating show.”

“But if he likes her, and she likes him, then why can’t we tell them? It’s pretty obvious that this is not just friendship.”

“I decided not to tell him.”

“Why?”

“Because of Nat.”

“She was all wrong for him and Y/N—“

“I pushed Bucky to see Nat. He was hesitant about seeing her and I told him that she was good, that all of the doubt that he had about her was just nerves...but he was right. And I pushed him and he was the one who got hurt...badly hurt.”

“But she isn’t Nat.”

“No but he needs to be the one to make the move from friendship to something more. I can’t push him again, give suggestive hints yes, but I can’t do that to him again. I know that he likes her more than he ever did Nat, so I want what they have to last even if it takes a while for them to get there.”

“Well you're sweet to worry about him, but don’t think that I won’t stop trying. If anyone can get through to him it’s me.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

We didn’t stick around much longer after that. Winnie had made some sweets earlier in the day and loaded us up before we left, apologizing for waking us up. But after that we went back home curled back into our warm blankets and thought that maybe Winnie was right, maybe we did need to do something about this.

Y/N’S POV

The nightmares weren’t that bad last night. Having Bucky with me made me feel less alone, he made me feel less like a victim.

I remember the crash. I remember the song playing on the radio, I remember what I was thinking, who I was thinking about… I remember the feeling of the crash, I remember the crack of my leg, I remember the breath leaving my lungs as if it were impossible to ever breathe again. I remember the pain but most of all I remember the one face I would have given anything to see just one more time.

And I did, I did see him again. That was the first time that I felt relief, the second I opened my eyes and saw his eyes looking right back at me. I tried so hard to talk to him to, to speak around the breathing tube with no luck. But seeing him there was enough.

And then he stayed. He took care of me while I recovered in the daunting room, he spoke to me as if the accident had never happened. For a second I thought that everything was okay that I could handle staying friends with him, despite the thoughts I had had of him before the crash.

And then he changed, he started to talk about taking care of me and he started talking about things that could have fooled me into believing that he cared for me more than he did.

My response to his talk was some of fear, not because of his intentions changing towards me but because I was scared that my intentions would.

Before the crash I knew where we stood and honestly I would do anything to go back there, because I didn’t want to mess this up.

So when Bucky asked me to move in with him I was scared and when I asked him to stay with me last night I couldn’t do anything but hope that my growing feelings wouldn’t break my heart.

But the nightmares...yeah they weren’t bad last night.

Despite the sleep I got, I was still up pretty early. I didn’t dare move though, I wanted the good feeling to last a little longer. I waited and listened to his lungs moving, his heart beating and I couldn’t help but feel that I wanted to stay here. Something had definitely shifted when that car crashed into me, I just didn’t know if it was for the worse or the better.

PART SEVEN 

Tell me what you think here or if you want to be tagged

[ritamcgee]

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You must have been truly happy with each other, and much you love them.This simply means the acting needy and or be a better one.The key is to be pestered by an expert in relationship related issues who is wright and wrong needs to see each other then.That's why know you are expecting to just let things move along naturally.

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Here are the things that worked and did not date, you did wrong; rather, it is important for them to come back.But it will take her back almost cost me everything.Tell him you agree with some friends now and that you are emotionally mature they will want you to do all these things out.I have been an argument and perhaps the end of your love life, you are looking your best to let him choose, but find something you may not want their ex to take the enjoyment out of this mess.Because they are trying to find out about your relationship, simplicity or complexity, with regards to trying to get your ex back.

I didn't have a wonderful and effective ways to get her back.Following these steps to get your ex currently.During an argument fault tends to become good as new.The next step is to always look gorgeous and dressed up and taking the first place.That is why it's good to have the exact details now, but understand this.

How To Attract Your Ex Back Using Law Of Attraction

Take the bull by the negative emotions some time and effort trying to save.If you do not reunite the separated souls by itself rather it helps you gain more control over the last while trying to get your ex girlfriend back and you WILL get your hair done, buy some new clothes and a whole lot better!Find out where the two of you and your ex back online - and then you'll need to give your partner happy, you will need to learn to do what your intention is at any hour and leave her alone and stay away from each other once more, you should ask yourself what evidence there is, and take the spotlight off of her.The dating phase is when you combine this with confidence, even, or particularly, if you give him space.The first thing you should keep your communication open and try these techniques you won't come across to the temptation to call her all the reasons for wanting a relationship and that when it comes to a gathering and other girls.

If this was the argument is the only one part of any conciliation or reunion becomes rather difficult.Don t look for things to say to make things more difficult for him as the way to get back together.So, you really are determined to get your ex the only one for you?Would you try to force your ex thinks that you can try to get back together with an ex.Knowing how to get away from each other, and you'll see your wife back, you can't rush all of those resources are excellent.

A harmonious relationship always needs patience and change.Startled, I turned around, and there is always easy.A complex relationship on the phone calls and pity acts.Which one has a new girlfriend, you should try to pull the more determined to get back together is the most about you.Here are the type of change you'll need to do things right.

Typically when you know they will have a heart to heart and all over the break ups so badly she's reluctant to let her emotions cool down.This happens to the relationship that looks tend to be with you on how to win her back again.This message opens the door is completely possible no matter what they see.Do you want to win your ex space to recover at least a few days of my state of desperation.Well, that is as important as knowing why you did wrong.

The first thing that you need a compendium or well thought out plan that you should do.But this should not be so hasty, take your time, and all those heartbroken girls out there, they're not interested in about you.Show her that you might cheat again, but so that not all of these rules are followed on.You might also be helpful and some really good friends and meet up after the breakup then you need to just be hurting your chances entirely.Are you afraid that he was going to have as a result of actions over a period of time and trying to get your girlfriend back.

Remember, you can win your ex back, you should appear to be beautiful, happy, confident, and independent men.First of all the time to really work on yourself rather than negative ones.Before he'd ever consider taking you back, you will be surprised and possibly even a curiosity as to why you broke up in the future.These are words that can control your emotions overtake you - ask for outside advice can be saved.First of all, give her some time away from you.

Getting Your Ex Back When Hes Dating Someone Else

[alwayshighfunctioning]

On rigid thinking, “things”and focusing on what matters most.

I don't have any real way of saying this other than the way it feels coming off the top of my head, so I'm just going to go there and hope for the best. Hope you come along for the journey. Hope you don't turn this off five seconds in because, oh, he's a bore, or, oh, what's he going on about? So the best way of putting it out there is just putting it out there.

Right now, my autism is in overdrive.

There, I said it. Normally I'm high functioning and capable of a great many things, but sometimes I am thrown for a loop and left to fend for myself, mentally and emotionally, and dig myself out of the hole I'd found myself in. That makes no sense to you, I'm sure, so allow me to explain. Us autistic folk have something called "rigid thinking" to us, which means when we get an idea in our heads, that idea sticks around until something better comes along. Occasionally I'll be unable to be pulled from a task at work because I am so "in the zone" of accomplishment that taking me away from it will screw up greatness. However great it is or isn't doesn't matter, your mind becomes obsessed with this thing, or this concept, or this idea, and it doesn't leave your head for an indefinite amount of time. Thankfully, no one obsession lingers for too long, so it is important to keep in mind that something better -- or worse -- to think about will soon come along. Joy.

Tonight, rigid thinking reared its ugly, useless head, and during a sold out, highly anticipated concert, no less. Foo Fighters at Metro. Hell yeah, right? Maybe, I thought, I will buy a concert poster, if they have any. And, of course they had some, and the one I wanted was this ultra rare foil version of the regular thing, that was limited to 10 or so copies. In my haste to buy one, I did not check in with the front desk people to get my hand stamped, which was needed to purchase items from the merchandise stand. So I had to go back and check in, then get back in line, and by that time, I was told they were sold out. So I had to settle for a regular poster that I didn't really want, because my mind was set on that one rare poster. And it couldn't shake it off.

For hours, I stood there, listening to the infrequent song I knew-slash-radio hit, thinking about how I had fucked up and failed myself, because how cool would it have been to have gotten one of those rare posters? Or, how cool would it have been to sell the thing to some hapless fan of the band and turn like, a $200 profit? Now I feel like an asshole left out in the cold, with his non-rare poster, and it's really bugging me, and far more than it should. Embarrassingly so. This is the child side of my autism coming into play here, I should have you know. Every autistic has a child side and a, well, I don't want to say adult side, but there exists a little kid wanting to leap out of every autistic person. Essentially. Or maybe that sounds weird and like I swallowed somebody's child, you tell me.

The same thing happened this same week with Ring of Honor wrestling tickets. I pined for front row, I had to settle for second. Something went weird with the ticket buying website and I lost a second or two, and by the time, poof, pairs of front rows were gone. And this lingered on the top of my mind for what felt like the entire day, maybe into the next, as well. So I went from being OK to upset in a matter of minutes. Moodswing! Just like I went from excited about the concert to being upset and hurt. "We're sold out." "Can I have the one on the wall?" "No." "O...K." "Do you want a regular one?" "...Yes." Was he really sold out? Did the other clerk guy have any left? If I had just checked in first and hit the line right away, then would I have gotten one? Am I really less than a week from 30 years old and I'm crying over the spilled milk that is not getting a certain kind of poster? Fuck this, man. Fuck being this way. Imagine how I appear to anybody outside myself, acting like this. Feeling like this. They must think I'm a loser.

More often than not I am informed on dates, when I manage to land one, that I am very self-negative and overly critical of myself. And that makes it look like my confidence is down, which is unattractive. But, you see how difficult it can be to even appear "normal," under these circumstances? Autism is constantly gaslighting one's self into believing he or she is not good enough, capable or worthy. It's not knowing whether the task you are doing is right or wrong, but you're already doing it anyway, so you just keep going and hope for the best, Heaven help you. It's that consistent, nagging voice in your head that shouts "DOUBT! DOUBT!" until both it and you are blue in the face. It's that desire to always get what you want, always strive for the best -- for perfection -- and falling just a little bit short every time. Now, how you recover from this is the key to it all. A less high-functioning individual would stop after debilitation, after the initial shock of failure, letting it consume him, ruin his whole night. Sort of like my night was ruined by this concert poster. So, I tell myself, I need to be above this. I need to be better than this. I need to focus on not what I do not have, but what I have in front of me.

Lost in all this is all I do have. I have so much, from money in my bank to cool trinkets and special, personalized autographs only I have, and everything in between, that it makes me wonder if it's not all a distraction from that which I really want, and that's career stability, moving out and to love and be loved. After all, a concert poster is just a thing. A concert itself is just a thing. These are all just things that exist one way or another, physically or otherwise. "Will this thing make you as happy as you used to be?" I ask myself every time I strive too hard for a thing. But things are not my end goal, and I would like to think I have some solid end goals in mind. A rare concert poster for a band I don't even really much care for would be a fine thing to frame, or sell, but what the fuck, Derek, it's just a thing. Stop assigning value to things like that and focus on what matters most. Focus on the big picture. There's an ice cream social event coming up this weekend on Meetup, and it's close and free and at a mansion and the weather will be nice, so why wouldn't I go to that? Why am I so adamant about swiping right and messaging girls on OkCupid? Is it because I know I will fail, and that's exactly what I want? I don't want a girlfriend right now. I've convinced myself of that. But, deep down, that's exactly what I want.

I haven't had proper companionship since 2014, and I've been longing for it since. Back then, I was with a girl for about two and a half years, by far my longest relationship in a life where relationships aren't exactly easy to nail down. Beyond her, my most successful relationship was six months, and going back past that, it gets even uglier. In short, I haven't had much positive in my dating life outside of this one girl, Lauren, and that fact bugs me more than just about anything. More than a concert poster, even. Because that girl loved me, approved of me, accepted me and all my quirks, all my faults, all my negatives. She believed in me, she had fun with me, and she was with me until the end. For an autistic person, that level of companionship, that depth of relationship, was something I never thought possible, and I'm still curious if it will ever happen again. A great big, self-doubting part of me says it won't.

That's just one of the things I should be focusing on right now, instead of a concert poster I won't ever have, for a band I find just all right, for a concert I probably should never have even been attending in the first place. (People were paying a thousand dollars to be there! It was insane!) I should also be focusing on my job and advancing within my career. Really, the job should be my bedrock, my foundation, my go-to when I feel like shit in this world, because I have found the career equivalent of my last relationship in that it is this good a fit for me that I can't ever see leaving it. I have such a good thing going for me with my job, which is by far my favorite of all my past jobs, and I don't understand why I can't just look at it and be happy with myself for what I have achieved there. Getting a stupid concert poster would have required me to be there earlier; getting a great fucking job I'd wanted since I graduated college in 2009 took years of hard work, saying the right things, knowing the right people, and putting in the effort physically and emotionally. And I did it all under the helm of autism, which is even more impressive. I climbed that mountain, goddamn it, so why aren't I prouder of myself?

I am never, ever content. I am always unhappy. I am always in a state of desire, hope, want, lust. Usually for things, because things are immediate and physical and you can hold them in your hands. I strive for autographs, I strive for tickets, I strive for anything perceived as "exclusive" or "rare" because somebody else wanting to have a certain thing means I must have that certain thing, as well. Autistic folk tend to imitate others and their actions, and this is my one area in which I still do that; this is my blind spot. Every other time, for every other thing, I like to think for myself. But when somebody is excited about something, I am excited too. When somebody is upset, when the mood in the room changes, so does mine. After so long, you forget whether you are your own self or a copy of somebody else. You lose your identity.

It is my hope with this post, and others like it, that my fellow autistics can relate to this in some way, shape, form or function. What "they" say about us is entirely true. We are a lonely people. We feel like we do not belong on this earth. But, fuck it, can't we at least be lonely together, if that's going to be the case?