#but for my friend group it has specific terrifying connotation

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Agitation 3.4 Live Reactions

(This is me, writing reactions as I read, because why the fuck not. They're not complete, mature thoughts taken after I sit back and evaluate what I've read. Consider them as such)

As I heard the front door open, I snapped the phone shut and jammed it into my pocket.  I’d apologize for hanging up later.  I definitely didn’t want my dad to see the phone.  I didn’t think he would stop me from owning one, but ever since my mom’s death, cell phones had carried strong negative connotations.  That, and I’d have to explain where I got it and how I’d paid for it.

I get that Danny has issues with phones, but that's nearly criminally irresponsible parenting, given the way Brockton Bay is.

I’d promised myself I would go the day after tomorrow.  Face the music.

What music? I can't imagine her teachers will care. Her bullies might, but really, what the fuck else can they do if they still want to not get caught? Not much more than they already have.

(Did I jinx it? I think I probably jinxed it)

 Rachel had been out of the apartment, the others weren’t specific on why and I wasn’t interested enough to risk looking too curious by asking.

Right now, Taylor's relationship with the Undersiders has a very "my friends... and Zoidberg" feel to it.

I had elected for both a combat knife and a telescoping police baton. 

The Baton I see so often in every rendition of the Bank Scene! AYYY!

 I kind of liked that it was a bit spartan, because it sort of fit with how I didn’t plan to be around that long while still feeling weirdly appreciative at being accepted as a part of the group.

There's nothing weird about being glad to have a place where you're actually wanted, Taylor. Reject heroism. Embrace villainy. Return to bug!

Alec’s movies from Earth-Aleph, the alternate Earth that our Earth had been communicating with since Professor Haywire tore a hole between realities.  Media was one of the few things that could be traded back and forth through the hole.  Long story short, you could get books, movies and DVDs of TV shows from the other world, if you were willing to accept the price tag. The benefit? I got to spend the afternoon seeing how the other universe had handled episodes one and two of the Star Wars films.

First mention of Earth-Aleph, and yes, a source of all the bits in fanfic where people reference Earth-Aleph media!

I'd have to go back to the first mention of Earth-Bet, but I feel like for most casual uses in-universe, people would still just say 'Earth' to refer to whatever their Earth is? You'd only clarify when it matters to specify?

Eh, minor thing, probably as much for clarity of readability as anything else.

By the time my dad got in, I had pork chops defrosted, dusted with lemon and pepper and sitting in a frying pan, with vegetables in the microwave.  Cooking was sort of something you started doing when you had only one parent, unless you really, really liked takeout.

Not necessarily, but common, yeah.

He tried to hide it, but I could see a bit of disappointment.  “Of course,” he said, “Your new friends?”

I get it. He's been trying to make an effort lately, but he started too late, and Taylor is instead a villain now. He doesn't know that, but he both wants to let her have friends, instead of smother her and stuff, and wants to keep her close to reconnect.

My mind started racing to anticipate questions and come up with plausible details.  Should I use their real names?  Or at least, the names they had given me?  I wasn’t sure if that would be a breach of trust.  I decided to use their real names for much the same reason I’d decided to use my own with them.  It just prevented disasters if my dad ever happened to meet them, which was a terrifying thought, or if they called for me.

QUICK! THINK OF THE RIGHT LIES!

 I was also under the impression that the courts didn’t always unmask capes when they arrested them.  I wasn’t entirely sure what was up with that.  It seemed like something to ask Lisa about.

I feel like this is a core enough element of the setting that if Taylor did any research at all, she'd have found it, and she supposedly did a good amount of preplanning?

Like, I get that this is a set up for future exposition, but...

“A boy, eh?” My dad wiggled his eyebrows at me. “Dad, stop!  It’s not like that,” I protested.  

I mean, I wouldn't say I ship Brian/Taylor, but her budding crush is kinda cute and entertaining.

And Wildbow will make me suffer for thinking that, because All Readers of Worm Shall Suffer

My dad smiled, “Impressive.  Tell me they’re all excellent students that can serve as good role models for you.” I could have choked.  Good role models?  Them? 

Heh heh heh

Arguably, Taylor would be a good influence on them.

Maybe.

One hopes.

I raised my eyebrows in question as I chewed.  They had, kind of, but I couldn’t really say ‘They used Mom’s death to fuck with my head’ without having to explain the Emma thing.

TELL HIM TELL HIM TELL HIM

You’d think I would feel better, after opening up, but I didn’t.  I felt frustrated, angry, awkward.  It was a reminder that I couldn’t have a real conversation with my dad like I used to be able to

This, Taylor, is entirely a problem of your own creation though?

This time, though, instead of turning up towards the Boardwalk, I headed south.

Didn't an earlier bit imply that the Docks were just off the main road of the Boardwalk?

“Wasn’t sure if you would show up,” a male voice broke the silence. I turned to face Armsmaster, “I’m sorry.  I had to hang up on your receptionist.  Real life called.”

The Mental image of Armsmaster having a receptionist does not compute.

“I need to call in a favor.”

Well this will go splendidly!

[four-loose-screws]

Chrom / Olivia Supports - Localization vs. the Original Japanese

FE Game Script Translations - FE Novel Translations - Original FE Support Conversations - Ko-fi

In this post series, I’m analyzing all of Chrom’s supports to see if he was any different in the localization!

———————————

C Support

This convo is actually almost entirely the same as the Japanese, but Chrom’s monologue is a bit different. The localization added a couple of sentences, and “I'll find a way to break through if it kills me!” sounds much more forceful than the Japanese.

Japanese:

[クロム] (Chrom)

あ…オリヴィエ！？▼ Ah... Olivia!?

…やれやれ。俺は仮にも王族… (...Jeez. I’m supposed to be royalty...) そして一軍の指揮官だぞ？▼ (and the commander of this army!) 兵士たちの先頭に立ち、常に大衆を率いて (As a person who) いかなくてはならない立場にいる者が、▼ (takes the lead before the soldiers and always guides this large group,) 仲間との会話ひとつまともにできなくて、(if I can’t even have a single full conversation with my friends,) 一体どうするって言��んだ…？▼(Just what do I have to say for myself...?) 特にオリヴィエとはあまり (Olivia in particular) 打ち解けられていない気がしたから、▼ (doesn’t seem able to be relaxed with me,) 何とか心を開いて欲しいんだがな…▼ (so I really want to do what it takes to get her to open up to me...)

Localization:

Chrom: Er, Olivia? ...Gods, I'm supposed to be the leader of Ylisse and commander of the army. If I can't even talk to my soldiers properly, how am I going to rule my subjects? Or inspire people? Or forge alliances with other nations? But every time I try to talk to Olivia, it ends in this awkward silence... Well, no more. I'll find a way to break through if it kills me!

B Support

In the Japanese, Chrom doesn’t try to tell a joke to get Olivia to open up, he just says he wants to try to continue conversing with her. This makes his lines a little different.

Japanese:

[クロム] (Chrom)

あそこにいるのはオリヴィエ…▼ (There’s Olivia, over there...)

よし、今日こそは (Okay! Today,)

会話を続けてみせるぞ。▼ (I’m definitely going to continue talking to her!)

あいつが心を開いてくれるように…！▼ (So that she opens up her heart...!)

これもまた、王族として、(This is also one of my duties)

指揮官としての務めだ！▼ (as royalty and commander!)

(暗転) (screen fades out and back in)

[クロム] (Chrom)

オ、オリヴィエじゃないか。▼ (W-Well, if it isn’t Olivia?)

今日は一人で何をしているんだ？▼ (What are you doing here all by yourself?)

Localization:

Chrom: Ah, there's Olivia now... ...Right! Today I shall be charming and witty, and we will talk of this and that. I'll make her forget her painful shyness as we quickly become fast friends. Maybe a joke would lighten things up. Friendly ribbing always puts me at ease... Ha ha! Why, if it isn't Olivia! Ha ha! Here by yourself again?

And some more...

Japanese:

[クロム] (Chrom)

…そ、そんなに自分を (...Y-You don’t have to) 卑下しなくたっていいじゃないか。▼ (be so humble, you know.) 別に踊りが踊れなくても追い出したりは (Even if you didn’t dance, I wouldn’t) しないぞ？▼ (kick you out!)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

…す、すみません…▼ (...S-Sorry...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

い、いや…すまん、(N-No, don’t  be... Sorry,) 責めているわけじゃない。▼ (I didn’t mean to criticize you.) …それにしても偉いな、オリヴィエは。▼ (...Actually, you’re amazing, Olivia.) 確かに、日々の稽古なしには (If you didn’t practice every day,) オリヴィエの見事な踊りは生まれないよな。▼ (then you wouldn’t create such stunning dances!)

Localization:

Chrom: Ha ha! Oh, Olivia, what a wit you are! But you mustn't sell yourself short. If you were a poor dancer, I'd just kick you out of the Shepherds!

And then at the end, Olivia doesn’t come up with an excuse to get away, she just excuses herself and leaves.

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

いえ、あの…その…！▼ (No, uh... um...!)

…し、失礼しますっ！▼ (...E-Excuse me!)

[クロム] (Chrom)

あっ、おい、オリヴィエ！？▼(Um, hey, Olivia!?)

(オリヴィエ消える) (Olivia disappears)

[クロム] (Chrom)

…行ってしまったか。(...She’s gone, huh.)

まだオリヴィエは…緊張していたな。▼ (She’s still... nervous.)

まぁ、今日は前回よりは (Oh well, I was able to talk to her a little longer than before, so)

会話が続いたし、もう少し頑張ってみるか。▼ (I’ll keep trying for a little longer.)

Localization:

Olivia: I am?! Ah, SORRY! I mean... Um... I think I left the campfire burning! Gotta go!

Chrom: No, wait! Olivia! ...That girl is a puzzle. Still, we actually exchanged a few words today. I suppose that's progress.

A Support

In this support, the changes are mostly in Olivia’s dialogue.

The localization in this line implies that Olivia couldn’t dance in front of Chrom specifically, but in the Japanese, she specifically said she can’t continue dancing in front of anyone.

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

そ、そんな…私、誰かに見られていたら、(U-Um... If I’m seen by anyone,)

とても稽古なんて続けられません…▼ (I can’t continue practicing at all...)

Localization:

Olivia: Y-you mean dance...in front of you? Ah ha ha! Hee hee! Hoooooo... N-no. I couldn't possibly. 

Then here, Olivia says in the English that she can dance in front of people in battle because it’s spontaneous, but in the Japanese, it’s because it’s work, so she has to put up with it.

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

ぶ、舞台や戦場では、それがお仕事なので、(O-On stage or in the battlefield, that’s work, so) 仕方ありませんが…▼ (I have to, but...) で、できれば、練習は一人で…▼ (I-I practice alone as much as possible...)

Localization:

Olivia: Yes, but...well, that's...different. The setting... The atmosphere... There's no time to think about it, or worry about it... I just...do it.

And, unsurprisingly, Basilio’s butterfly butt line was different in the Japanese.

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

ば、バジーリオ様からも (B-Basilio told me) 同じことを言われました。▼ (the same thing.) 『下手ならともかく、上手い踊りを (“If you’re bad, sure, but why) 恥じることなんてないだろ？』と…▼ (be embarrassed by good dancing?” he said...) で、でも、私なんてまだまだで…▼ (B-But I still have a long way to go...)

Localization:

Olivia: Lord Basilio told me much the same thing. ...Albeit with different words. Something about charming the butt off a butterfly, I think?

In the Japanese, Chrom and Olivia’s brief talk about Basilio was pretty different. Olivia just outright says what Basilio said to her, so then, in Chrom’s line, Chrom makes a humorous guess about how he would bet Basilio would win over a girl.

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

バ、バジーリオ様は…▼ (B-Basilio, he...) 『権力や脅しで (”I can’t stand those who try to make women their property) 女をモノにしようとする奴は許せねぇ！』▼ (with threats and displays of power!”) …とおっしゃっていました。▼ (...That’s what he said.)

[クロム] (Chrom)

なるほどな…バジーリオなりの (I see... so he has his own) 信念があるってわけだな。▼ (beliefs, huh.) 確かにあの男は、自分の魅力を知らしめて、(I bet he would make his own charming qualities known,) 好きになってもらえるよう努めるだろうな。▼ (and work hard to win a girl over.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

うふふっ…。バジーリオ様の (Tee hee hee... I’m glad I was able to) 誤解が解けて良かったです。▼ (clear up your misunderstanding about him.)

Localization:

Olivia: Oh no, you have Basilio all wrong... He's not like that. Not really. He told me a khan doesn't need such tricks to find himself a partner. ...Actually he was much cruder about it, but you get the idea. Chrom: Let me guess: it was something about his "big brown arse"? Olivia: Hee hee! I guess you DO know Basilio pretty well after all!

And in her last line, Olivia calls Chrom “yasashii” rather than “charming,” which means “nice/kind” and doesn’t have all the connotations of “charming.”

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

クロム様とこんなにお話できた…▼ (I was able to talk to Lord Chrom for so long...!) 最初はちょっと怖かったけど、▼ (At first, he was a little scary, but) クロム様って本当は (He really does) とっても優しい人みたいです…▼ (seem to be very kind...)

Localization:

Olivia: Oh, yes! Absolutely! Me, too! I can't believe Chrom and I can actually talk to each other like normal people! Gosh, I was SO terrified of him at first. But he's actually quite charming once you get to know him...

S Support

Olivia doesn’t say that she’d hide in a barrel exactly in the Japanese... just that she’d run away from Chrom at first. Plus, like in the last conversation, Olivia doesn’t say she couldn’t talk to Chrom specifically, but just most people in general. And then, the next few lines have their own minor changes too.

Japanese:

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

は、はい…私も驚いています…▼ (Y-Yes... I’m surprised, too...)

…昔は自分から他人に話しかけたり、▼ (...Before, I couldn’t think about)

昔話をしたりなんて、(starting a conversation with other people,) とても考えられませんでした…▼ (or telling an old story...) …普通は、そんな話をする前に (...Usually, before such a conversation could even begin,) 私のほうから逃げてしまいますから…▼ (I’d run away...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

なら…バジーリオには感��しないとな。▼ (Then... I need to thank Basilio.) バジーリオのおかげで、こうして (Thanks to him, we were able) お前と出会って仲良くなれたんだから。▼ (to meet and become friends.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

そ、そうですね… (Y-Yeah...) クロム様と知り合えて、良かったです…▼ (I’m happy I met you...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

そうだな…お前と出会わなければ、▼ Me too... If I hadn't met you,) もちろんお前のその笑顔を (of course, I would have never seen) 見ることもなかっただろうしな。▼ (your smile.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

…私も、少し前まではこんな風に (...Me too, just a short time ago, I’d have never thought) 笑えるなんて思ってもみませんでした。▼ (I could laugh like this!) だって…クロム様とお話しするのは、(And... because I talk to you,) 他の方と話すより勇気がいりましたから…▼ (I now have the courage to talk to other people...)

Localization:

Olivia: I know! The old me wouldn't dream of just coming up to you and saying hello. In fact, sometimes, when I'd see you coming, I'd run and hide in a barrel!

Chrom: ...In a barrel? Er, yes. Well in any case, it seems I'm very much in Basilio's debt. If not for him, we'd never have had the chance to become friends.

Olivia: Oh, don't even say that! Chrom: To think I might have lived my whole life without knowing you... Olivia: I know, I... I feel the same way. You even helped me be less shy around other people! 'Cause if I can talk to you, I can talk to ANYONE!

This conversation is certainly the most different of them all so far in this support set! In the Japanese, Olivia explains that one of the reasons she found Chrom difficult to talk to is because of the tense face he makes in battle, but the localization took that bit out.

Japanese:

[クロム] (Chrom)

えっ？　それって、(Huh? Are you saying,) 俺が怖かったってことか？▼ (I was scary?)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

えと…そ、そうですね…▼ (Uh... y-yeah...) クロム様は私たちのリーダーですし、▼ (You’re our leader, and) …戦時に張りつめた表情をされることが (...your face tenses up in battle) 多くて、近寄りがたい雰囲気があるなって…▼ (a lot, so it made you difficult to come up to...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

…そ、そうか。▼ (...I-I see.)

Localization:

Chrom:

...Am I so terrifying?

Olivia:

Oh, no! No, it's not like that! You're an important person, you know? A prince and our leader and all that? It's not like folks just walk up to you and start blabbing away.

Chrom:

Hmm... I see your point.

The conversation continues to be pretty different from the Japanese... so much so, that I’ve basically translated the entire thing. When the localization took out Chrom complimenting Olivia’s laugh, they altered the majority of the little details of the conversation! Though it follows the same basic course of events.

Japanese:

[クロム] (Chrom)

ははっ。オリヴィエ…また笑っているな。(Ha ha. Olivia... you’re laughing again.)

この間と同じ、いい笑顔だ…▼ (It’s the same as before... it’s such a great smile...)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

ええ…私、クロム様の前でなら、(Yes... I’ve become able)

自然に笑えるようになりました…！▼ (to laugh naturally around you...!)

それに…クロム様も笑顔…▼ (And... You’re smiling...) 戦いの時には見せない、(When you’re not in battle,) とても優しい顔ですね。▼ (You have a very kind face!)

[クロム] (Chrom)

俺のこの笑顔を作ってくれたのは、(And the one who made me smile like this,) オリヴィエだ。だから…▼ (is you, Olivia. So...)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

えっ…？▼ (Huh...?)

[クロム] (Chrom)

…なぁ、オリヴィエ？　お前さえ良ければ、(...Say, Olivia? If it’s alright with you,) 俺はこれから先もずっとお前を見ていたい。▼ (I want to see you all the time from now on.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

ク、クロム様…？▼ (C-Chrom...?)

[クロム] (Chrom)

踊っている最中だけじゃなく… (Not only when you are dancing... どんな時もお前を見て、そして守りたい。▼ (I want to see you all the time, and to protect you.) …お前を、幸せにしてあげたいんだ。▼ (...I want to make you happy.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

えぇっ！？　そ、それって～…▼ (Ehhh!? A-Are you~!?)

[クロム] (Chrom)

俺は…お前が好きだ…！(I... love you...!) 俺の妻に…なってもらえないか？▼ (Will you be... my wife?)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

うぅ…は、恥ずかしい…ですけど、(Ahhh... I-I’m so embarrassed. But,) こんな私でよろしければ…▼ (if you’ll have someone like me...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

そうか…そう言ってくれるか！▼ (So... you’re saying yes!)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

はい。私、クロム様とお話していて、(I am. As I’ve talked to you,) とっても心が穏やかになれました。▼ (my heart has calmed!) こんな人とずっと一緒にいたいなぁって。▼ (I’ve found myself thinking that I want to be with a person like you forever!) [クロム] (Chrom)

それは俺も同じさ！▼ (I’ve been thinking the same thing!) …！　あ、ああ、そうだ。こんな時の (...! O-Oh yeah. This was made) ためにこれを用意していたんだった。▼ (for this moment.) その…俺の気持ちの証明だと思って、(It’s... proof of my feelings,) これを…受け取ってくれ。▼ (so please... take it.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

こ…これは、指輪？(T-This is... a ring?) しかもイーリスの家紋が彫ってあります。▼ (And the crest of Ylisse is carved into it!) 貴重な物ではないのですか？▼ (It’s really important, isn’t it?) [クロム] (Chrom)

あぁ…これは俺が生まれた記念に (Yeah... I heard my parents had it made) 両親が作ってくれたものらしい。▼ (to commemorate my birth.) 俺がいつか伴侶となる者を見つけた時に (I was told to give it to my partner) これを贈るようにと教わったんだ。▼ (when I found them one day.) だから…お前にこれを渡す。▼ (So... I’m giving it to you.) そして生涯の愛を誓おう。▼ (And let’s vow our lifelong love to each other.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

あ…ありがとうごさいます。▼ (Th...Thank you.) 私も…これから先ずっとずっと… (I vow to love you...) クロム様を愛すると誓います。▼ (from now on... forever and ever.)

[クロム] (Chrom)

嬉しいよ、オリヴィエ。(I’m happy, Olivia) これからは、どんな時も一緒だ。▼ (From now on, we’ll be together no matter what.) 俺は、お前がずっと (I will do everything in my power) 笑っていられるように力を尽くそう。▼ (to make you laugh forever.)

[オリヴィエ] (Olivia)

…はい。そして、私たちの周りの (...Yes. And let’s make) みんなも笑顔にしてあげましょうね。▼ (everyone around us smile, too.) みんなが笑っていられる世界… (A world where everyone can smile...) とっても素敵だと思います…▼ (is wonderful, I think...)

[クロム] (Chrom)

みんなが笑っていられる世界…か。(A world where everyone can smile... you say?) あぁ。俺とお前なら…きっとできる。▼ (Yeah. Together, with you... that can happen.) 愛しているよ、オリヴィエ。▼ (I love you, Olivia.)

Localization:

Chrom: I do so love that laugh. Olivia: And I love seeing you relax instead of reading war books or whatever you do! Chrom: Well then, perhaps you would like to see more of me. Olivia: Well... I would have to eat and sleep at some point, but... Chrom: ...But perhaps we can do that together as well, if... ...If we were married. Olivia: Oh my gosh, WHAAAAAT?! Chrom: Will you do me the honor, Olivia? Will you marry me? Olivia: Well, let's see... Will I marry this smart, funny prince who's also super handsome? YES! Of course I will! Yes! Chrom: Well now you're making ME blush... Here, then. I've been carrying this around and waiting for the right moment. Please take it as proof of my love for you. Olivia: ...C-Chrom, this ring bears the crest of the royal house of Ylisse! This is priceless! I can't take it! Chrom: My parents had it made on the occasion of my birth. They told me to give it to the woman that I would spend my life with. I'm only doing what it was designed for in the first place. Olivia: Th-thank you, Chrom. I shall wear it proudly for the rest of my days. Chrom: I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, Olivia. Today I'm the happiest man in all the realm!

--------------------------------------

Well, besides all the little things that made me translate almost an entire conversation, these two walk away with the same characterizations in both versions. Olivia is shy and quiet but finally learns to open up with good companionship, and Chrom stubbornly works hard to build a good relationship with his allies.

Next, and last, is Chrom / Lucina!

[asoftjourneythroughrigidter-blog]

May 19, 2018: A week before my trek

Looking into the distance, past the Richmond skyline, I want to feel small. I watch the low clouds drift, imagining that below them the earth folds into peaks and valleys, interrupting the deliberately placed boxes lying flat on concrete beds. I envision being back in Colorado, where the mountains tell you which direction you are facing; massive landmarks providing a sense of direction. My body in relation to the land felt so apparent there, each motion felt significant; the landscape served as a reminder that I am a small component of a grand whole. I wondered if I would become numb to the privilege of being near the mountains, seeing them every day. I couldn’t imagine that the feeling of amazement would recede into the distance, buried in the panoramic view.

 I believe that becoming acquainted with landscape and observing it through many different vantage points can yield a sharper conscious of oneself and one’s position in the world. A sensory experience in the landscape can encourage emotional release, elicit empathetic responses, and establish a greater appreciation for the environment. When one is in a state of awe, awareness is heightened, the world suddenly becomes larger, curiosity is piqued, and questions begin to form, resulting in a visceral, transformative experience. Piff et al. analyze the experience of awe as a collective emotion, explaining:

  “…experiences of awe are unified by a core theme: perceptions of vastness that dramatically expand the observer’s usual frame of reference in some dimension or domain,” and that “… awe directs attention to entities vaster than the self and more collective dimensions of personal identity, and reduces the significance the individual attaches to personal concerns and goals.”

 There are many reasons that others and I experience awe when amidst the landscape. Recognizing a diverse, abundant, true life force, that is both microscopic and infinite in size –an entity that proceeds regardless of the attention it receives, and remains indifferent to person-awareness of it –presents respectful, fascinating and terrifying questions of the unknown. This mindfulness and unbiased awareness of landscape can heighten a sense of oneness with the environment, which I believe to be crucial in these tumultuous times.

 This union that I feel with the landscape has presented me with the question: How is it that I feel mindfully connected to an entity that is mindless to my mindfulness?

 My lifetime is an insignificant fraction of our 4.5 billion-year-old planet, where my body takes the space of a mere speck on its surface and makes observations through a very specific, biased, limited point of view that is both instinctual and shaped by human culture. I have witnessed innumerable injustices against the environment, and my perspective is bound by individual limitations, situated within the full grasp of human existence. The bulk of information I receive is through human-invented media, in which people have defined environmental decline and acceleration through bias. This, along with the impossibility of knowing everything, without the language and means of engagement to fully understand the environment and its inhabitants, can inevitably cause a distorted, narrow perspective of the environment.

 It is crucial to acknowledge, understand, and expand this narrow perspective to promote appreciation for fragile, exploited ecosystems, and ultimately, the well-being of our earth as a whole. The mistreatment of the environment and the domineering, human-centric presence of capitalist control is rooted deep in the western, cultural relationship to land. Therefore, this dominance which often controls land use and ownership must be dismantled through the very ways in which humans engage with and relate to the landscape.

  I, like many, fear for the future of natural ecosystems and the environment. There is urgency in speaking to environmental issues, in defense of a living entity that does not knowingly, immediately defend itself. The war on the environment has escalated increasingly in America; shores are open to drilling, national parks protections are being lifted, sprawls are expanding, culturally sacred lands are being desecrated, water sources are being contaminated, among many other devastations. Though ongoing efforts are being made to increase sustainability of the environment and natural resources, the pushback from capitalist corporations persists. Globally, the climate is responding with harsh seasons and natural disasters affecting communities without means of restoration or governmental support for rehabilitation.

 In my work, I explore ways one can observe a landscape and feel unified with it, acknowledging that this natural entity is one that humans cannot assume to understand fully. It has an existence outside of human cultural implications and observations, that cannot be controlled, and ultimately, that encompasses our very being. Through the experience of awe and through recognizing my personal position within the whole, I have further realized that I am connected to the environment. Developing a personal relationship with the landscape has allowed me to feel an empathetic alliance with the environment. Recognizing that records of the environment exist beyond human historical artifacts and their linguistic and textual definitions has challenged my epistemological connotations with the landscape. Acknowledging that both the environment and I exist within a domineering, patriarchal society that positions the landscape and I as inferior, has granted me the agency to empathize with the landscape in solidarity. The process of embracing a landscape/mindscape dualism through emotional connectedness with the land, while simultaneously pulling emotional responses from the landscape has enabled me to feel unified with the environment. The landscape has become my involuntary, indifferent lover. Our union emboldens my motives to challenge traditional representation of landscape and to amplify the landscape’s agency.

  A little about myself:

 I am a 26-year-old, radically soft, queer artist. I just graduated from VCU with my MFA in painting. Being inspired by the various landscapes that I have spent time experiencing throughout my life, I have decided that I want to embark on an 1800-mile trek on the Pacific Crest Trail. This is a very symbolic journey for me. My youth in Texas was fueled by the curiosity of the outdoors. I walked around lakes, collected feathers, and made friends with ducks. When I was old enough, I’d regularly drive to more secluded areas, walk and get lost in my thoughts. When I was 17, I’d get my first real taste of the Pacific’s beauty in Oregon. I was absolutely captivated by the landscape and knew I wanted to be there. I’d later drive to parks within reach; namely, the Wichita Mountains and the wild Ozarks. I moved to Colorado a few years ago, and I became a backcountry park ranger for a summer. I wanted to really familiarize myself with a park, and thus pursued a backcountry park ranger position. The thought of actively protecting the land, writing tickets for littering and enforcing rules that were to the advantage of the landscape, exhilarated me. To an extent, I could become a voice for the environment.

 I’d spend 40 hours a week monitoring the trails of Lake Pueblo State Park, ultimately on the south shore, where a tangled web of medium to high-grade trails cut through dynamic canyons and buttes. Along with enforcing rules to visitors, I was to analyze both human-constructed trails and natural structures to assess human accessibility; a goal of the parks, that others, too, could share this experience with the landscape. I had the responsibility of responding to any emergency on the trails. My state-issued walkie-talkie, always audible while on the clock, caused my stomach to drop each time a voice from dispatch echoed in the canyons. I rarely came across anyone while on patrol, only the occasional mountain biker who would ask me about trail grades, or lone hikers that I would ask, to leash their dog. Though I was confronted with anxieties of authority in this position, those moments of quiet between dispatch calls would remind me of my aspirations being there. To become acutely familiar with a land that I could never fully understand to the best of my ability, one that I was in the position to protect from minor human destructions was a form of intimacy that was unlike anything I had experienced.

  Following CO, I started grad school in Virginia, where Shenandoah National Park, became the next landscape I would familiarize myself with, being only 1.5 hours from me. I visited this park dozens of times while here. These visits would serve as a major contributor to my practice and overall wellbeing.

  After completing school, it seems to be the most logical time for me to do this trek. It’s been a rough year, I’ve experienced loss, and watched loved ones lose so much, while feeling absent, trapped in the grad school state-of-mind, which too often deferred self-care. Learning to manage depression while pursuing something that constantly requires your sharpest attention and motivation is tough. It is a vulnerable experience as an artist in a crit space, where often one’s most earnest personal position is up for criticism. Oftentimes it felt like open wounds were being poked and prodded at. I often doubted my ability while here; even working 8-14 hour days continuously, I never gave myself the credit for my work, always thinking I could have been doing more. My anxiety levels reached a peak, always fearing that I was forgetting something. Though this time was emotionally and physically exhausting, I feel like I have become much stronger. My department was a tight knit group, composed of incredible, generous individuals who became my family, of whom I am incredibly grateful to have worked with.

 I’m known to “overshare” my state of emotion. I don’t believe in censoring feeling, unless to protect myself. And now I am here, I am free of deadlines, free of second guessing my every thought, and of self-doubt. I have grown. I now wear armor over my soft interior, an armor that embraces my emotions and justifies my expression; an armor that allows oneself to feel weak, and finds power in resistance to societal pressures of emotional composure. “Radical Softness as a Weapon” as a term was coined by queer poet Lora Mathis, which embraces, “accepting your vulnerability in a society that considers it a weakness [as] a radical act.” -Lydia Luke

 I tightly clutch this vulnerability.

 Disclaimer: this blog is not intended to be an advice/self-care web-space.. And in no way am I suggesting that my personal coping mechanisms are the right way to manage depression, or for that matter are even healthy. I want this blog to feel open, and unbound to any particular voice. So I introduce these things because softness has felt really important to me this year. Writing all of this feels slightly narcissistic; in a sense it is a public diary, and who am I to say if any of this is even interesting?.. Don’t worry, I won’t be too revealing, throughout my accounts here.

 I suppose this voice functions similarly to my voice in the academic realm that I have been in this past two years, I have developed a hyper critical lens through which I experience the world, and functioning this way outside of grad school is inevitable at this time of my life. BUT.. I must stress, that I am not trying to frame this blog as a work of my practice. Ultimately I am taking this trip as a palette cleanser, I need to re-find myself outside of the institution.

 And so, I have mentioned a few things of what this blog is “not”…this blog ultimately serves as a record of my experiences on the PCT, and it is expected that I will go through some serious, self-reflective experiences in my times of solitude within an incredible, vast landscape. I start this hike with the intention of being present, being in tune with myself, now that I have nothing to become “distracted” by. I think that this journey gives one the permission to dismiss the notion of “distraction”.

 With my life at a major turning point, this seems like the best time for me to become lost and found (psychologically) and be with the landscape.

  I will fly to LA this Wednesday to see my best friend/sister before I depart this Saturday on my 1780 mile trek out of Vermillion Valley, CA and up to Canada, ending in early September.

  And so I leave, without any concerns but to keep trekking. Nothing on the agenda but to maintain myself and walk.

[justamadpenguinwithablog]

8, 9, 14, 16, 38 ⭐

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.As cheesy as it sounds, the thing I am proudest of , is how far I have come the past years. I have chosen for myself and my own happiness by transitioning. My mental health has improved so much, through hard work in therapy and support from others around me. I am proud of the fact I can feel a twinge of pride when I do something that other people would be proud of. 9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.As a trans person who experiences dysphoria on a daily basis, it can be hard to recognise the things about my body that I like. Small things are easier to find though. I really like the scar on my left arm, because of the ridiculous story that comes with it (during a school camp I walked into a fence blindfolded, because I didn’t hear my friend yelling to stop walking and we were playing a team bonding game). Speaking of arms, I also like my arm hair a lot. Another scar I like, is the one in my face, next to me right eye. I have had since I was a baby. Another kid in day care bit e some eleven times in the face and his teeth marks are still visible next to my eye.

14: Talk about a vacation.Aah this one is hard. Scotland it is. Two years ago my parents, sister and I went to Scotland. Not just because it is a beautiful country, also because my sister went on a student exchange week there and because I wanted to go to a Scottish university at the time (I still do, but I am making peace with the fact that that won’t happen any time soon). The entire holiday was magical, the universities were awesome and the family my sister stayed with were lovely. We went on a couple of hikes, I had some good conversations with my parents and the pictures from that week are some of the first I recognise myself in. 

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.Generally, I don’t like parties a lot. They are kind of terrifying and I have a hard time remembering them, even though I never drink. So far one of my all-time favourite parties was a shared birthday party of two teammates at the time. We had a sleepover, played some games and watched RENT with most of the team, that was really good. My secondary school graduation party is one I hope to never forget, because it was such an intense, life-changing moment, though definitely not the best party I have ever been to. 

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.Most of my music taste has been acquired through other people, so a lot of songs have specific connotations. Listening to any Declan McKenna song, but mostly “Why Do You Feel So Down?” and “Make Me Your Queen” remind me of you. “Do You Know What I’m seeing” reminds me of Micah. Since speaking to a former primary school friend, “Bruises” by Train reminds me of him, which makes for funny experiences when listening to popular radio. “WILD” by Troye Sivan reminds me of a friend group, who had a very interesting semester with each other. Troye’s music formed the background to their intense half year.

[wardingwatson-fr]

Feel like rambling about lore so here I go:

When I started Flight Rising I didn’t really have any big plans for my clan. It really started as a reflection of my own personal comfort. I went with the Shadow Flight not because of the puzzles aspect (though that’s pretty awesome), but at the concept of having these mysteries and being able to keep to yourself. It’s the equivalent of jazz hands worth of explanation and the lack of aesthetic organization drives me nuts here, but without a proper preamble let me tell you about my first group.

Scavenger Family:

They don’t really have a formal name, but it’s literally just my two progens who happen to collect other dragons along the journey of their lives. The thing is, I didn’t really see Axial and Ultra as the types of dragons that would create a settlement. They were scavengers who only knew how to survive on their own and trust each other. Initially they were very nomadic, but recently they have a main home back within the Tangled Woods. They’re structure is informal and based on interpersonal connections. Their family is not limited by walls or whether or not the other dragon resides with them, but by the bonds formed. Axial acts as a very parental figure mostly because he has a very deep compassion for the dragons that they become close with. Whereas Ultra is far more logical (don’t get me wrong she’s quite emotional, just not parental) with how their family works. They’re loyal dragons that really don’t have strong ties to the religion of their world. While they interact with the dragons residing inside it, they themselves are almost cut off just by their lifestyle. Literally a cabin in the woods with dragons that live on the items they’ve scavenged and sold. 

Viperaden:

In contrast, when I made the Viperaden i wanted something not super structured but more organized. I wasn’t sure what I wanted this organization to be formed on. My friend who had gotten me into Flight Rising, was super kind and would give me some of her dragons for free. Among these dragons were Starling, Deckard, and Carmine. Carmine was my first guardian and, not wanting to stray too far from established lore, I played around with the concept of what a charge would be. And I just got stuck on the idea of concept in general - how does a dragon defend an idea? Or a word with bigger connotations? Given her aesthetic and the fact that I really wanted her in Viper armor, I decide to give her the charge of War. Starling, who comes from a cultist family, became her second in command while Deckard became cynical dragon with Starling as his charge. Somehow, through that, I created a clan dedicated to the concept of war and chaos. The Viperaden is focused on the ideology that destruction and conflict is necessary in order to allow progression of the world. War is something to encourage, conflict, death, destruction, and immoral actions should be done because that is what the gods would want. I’m rambling. Anyways, the structure of the Viperaden is that there is a cohesive unit with specific dragons in charge of specialized responsibilities that allow the viperaden to prosper, however it’s spread out across the regions so that the ideology can spread regardless of boundary. There isn’t a single head quarters, just a hydra of heads. They aren’t. Good dragons and most of the behavior is problematic. But. Uh, words. 

Mangisu Tribe:

Formed by Pippin, this clan is dedicated to peace. Of my groups, this one is the most structured with an established piece of land dedicated to different sections of living within the Viridian Labyrinth. They have a large military, but it’s military dedicated to helping other clans in needs. They have an entire section dedicated to acting as a safe haven for refugees and other dragons seeking asylum as well as a market and large tracks of farmland. I feel that it’s more structured because you need to have structure in your life to have some peace. It’s hard to put this in words, but i feel that it’s easy to be terrified when things are out of your control and chaotic whereas there’s more stability with some structure. idk. This one is a work in progress, but the tribe works alongside the structure of the jungle. Lot of hobbit holes and tree houses. It’s great. 

Miscellaneous: 

I don’t really have a name for most of these dragons yet, but really this group means dragons that have passed away. However with my lore, death is certainly not the end of a dragon’s lore. For me, there is a plane where Nocs born during the Night of the Nocturne disappear to during the rest of the year. This plane is where the dead appear, a sort of purgatory where souls wander around and attempt to find the gods’ afterlife lairs to serve. It’s a mixture between dragons that have died and dragons that just were born during a strange time. So, as far as structure, it varies. I imagine it’s a bit like a mimicry of the initial world and this world is more desaturated. I’m sure there are towns built and even sections dedicated to the dead and some dedicated to the living Nocs. I have a few dragons who are deceased and running around lost in there, but I also have powerful dragons who tend to take advantage of lost souls too. This hasn’t really come up often in the RPS and the plans for this are malleable to change, but for now it’s pretty much the above. 

[mittensmorgul]

Not THAT Red Shirt

I’ve seen A LOT of posts lately flailing about the red shirt Dean wore in 12.14, calling it “Dean’s Red Shirt of Bad Decisions.” But this is most definitely NOT that shirt. Yes, it is a reddish shirt, and one that Dean HAS worn several times before, but THERE IS A DISTINCT DIFFERENCE between the situations that merited the Red Carhartt shirt being labeled the “bad decisions” shirt. Trying to compare those things in a meta way to the things that have happened to Dean while he’s been wearing the 12.14 shirt... is not sound meta.

Here’s a list of all the episodes where Dean’s worn the Red Carhartt Murder Shirt (occasionally referred to as the Shirt of Bad Decisions, or the MoC shirt) through the end of s10:

http://hells-half-acre.livejournal.com/402484.html

Dean HAS worn it again in s11 (off the top of my head, he wore it in 11.13 when he kissed Melissa to redirect the qareen’s curse onto himself, essentially putting himself in between her and the monster). If there have been other instances where he’s worn that shirt, I’ll be happy to add them to the list.

BUT THAT IS NOT THE SHIRT HE WORE IN 12.14.

The shirt from 12.14 HAS VERY DIFFERENT META IMPLICATIONS THAN THE RED CARHARTT SHIRT DOES.

The red Carhartt might be associated with Dean making bad or risky decisions, but the shirt in 12.14 HAS ONLY BEEN ASSOCIATED WITH DEAN BEING MANIPULATED INTO A SITUATION IN WHICH HE HAS BEEN ATTACKED BY OUTSIDE FORCES, and each time he’s walked away from the fight as “the better man.”

Obviously this gives AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CONNOTATION to the shirt’s use in 12.14, no?

DEAN DID NOT MAKE A BAD DECISION IN 12.14.

He was “lured” into a trap, pushed into a confrontation, from which he emerged as “the better man.”

Let me explain, using the three other times I can recall off the top of my head that Dean has worn this shirt. I’m tempted to call it the Bait and Switch. Or maybe the “Dean Is Not A Monster” shirt. Here’s why: 

Under a cut because it got long, and there’s MANY PICTURES. :P

In 10.10, Castiel has gone to Claire and expressed to her that he feels responsible for her. She tells him,��“Dean Winchester is a monster,” and he replies that “there’s a little monster in all of us.” We see a little bit of Dean’s “monstrous” side earlier in the episode when he’s interrogating (or torturing, really) Metatron for information about getting rid of the Mark. (while wearing a different shirt entirely-- a dark, muddy colored plaid)

Castiel again has asked Dean to talk with Claire, because Cas is worried about her and believes it will be good for both Dean and Claire to talk to each other. Dean IS worried that he’s become a “stone cold killer” after what he’d done to Randy in 10.09, but Cas persists:

Castiel: I thought there would be a connection -- one extremely messed up human to another. You could explain why you murdered her only friend. Dean: Oh yeah well, when you put it like that.

Toward the end of the episode, Claire does contact Dean and asks to meet with him. Because Cas had asked him to, Dean goes to meet with her.

BUT! Claire had tricked him. She’d actually arranged for two shady characters she’d met at a bar to beat Dean up. While Dean sits on a bench waiting for Claire, these people come out of nowhere ATTACK HIM WITH AN AXE while Claire watches through a window. She’d essentially hired out a hit on Dean in revenge for his having killed Randy.

Kinda proving Cas’s assertion that we all have it in us to be a little bit monstrous. But Claire had a crisis of conscience when she saw these two people about to strike at Dean, and ran outside to warn him.

Dean easily overpowered his two attackers, disarmed them, but instead of raging on and killing them both with the axe DEAN “I’M NOT REALLY A MONSTER” WINCHESTER... slays a park bench with it instead.

Even under the influence of the Mark, he sees what’s really going on here. 

Not only that, but after Dean leaves, Castiel finds Claire again (by picking up on a longing >.>) and she tells him that she’s going to try a different way-- to let go of the little bit of monster in her. (the shirt’s I AM NOT A MONSTER forcefield apparently extends to the people who try to hurt Dean while he’s wearing it... magical!)

The next time I can recall seeing this shirt is in 10.17. Folks are “plotting against Dean” all around, while he’s just trying to relax at a bar. (recall that Sam and Cas are covertly getting Bobby’s help via a psychic to help orchestrate a jail break in heaven, busting Metatron out-- THE BOBBYS ARE SURLY!) Dean has a few drinks, chats with the bartender, and then hustles a group of obnoxious young jerks at pool when they insult the establishment that’s obviously a local favorite of Dean’s.

After defending the bar’s honor, we learn that ROWENA has been plotting against Dean. She doesn’t appreciate the influence that Dean seems to have over Crowley. While he’s in the bathroom, he briefly sees his eyes flash black and once again is terrified that he is becoming the monster.

BUT! When he returns from the bathroom, he discovers that the boys he’d hustled at pool have been hit with Rowena’s attack dog spell. The stage direction from the transcript of the fight is telling:

DEAN attacks them and almost stabs TY with a pool cue. He has a flashback to when he beats Matt, killed Lester, broke Dark Charlie's arm, and shoots the shapeshifter, Olivia, multiple times. Dean drops the pool cue and attacks them again until they are unconscious.

Dean is once again afraid of becoming that monster. He doesn’t WANT to kill these people who’ve been manipulated into fighting him. They didn’t ask for this, they were USED. And Dean is now being manipulated and set up by Rowena. Dean does ONLY WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO TO STOP THE FIGHT. And then when Rowena turns around and attempts to use some sort of magic spell on Dean himself, it fails to kill him because he’s protected by the mark. When Dean questions Rowena about what she’s doing there (and it’s all about him being a “good influence” on Crowley pffft), Rowena lays this bit of truth on him:

ROWENA:  I think you're a hero. You could have killed those men, but you didn't because they're innocent. 'Cause you're the good guy, and you want them to live. But the spell I cast will devour them from the inside out like it did that girl. I'm the only one that can save them. What's it going to be... Hero?

Dean lets Rowena go in exchange for curing the enspelled boys. BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Rowena goes back to Crowley covered in injuries, and tells Crowley that DEAN did it to her. Her first plan to kill Dean failed, so she’s going with Plan B, and turning CROWLEY against Dean... which Crowley doesn’t really believe.

Crowley goes to see Dean, and instead of believing Rowena’s story, he believes Dean’s account (which, yay, because it’s the truth). Crowley proves that he doesn’t believe Dean is a monster... And they have a nice little heart-to-heart about lies and violence and family...

(also note the Kingdom beer sign. In the very next episode this is the beer they all drink at the Winchester Family Pizza Party with Charlie and Cas)

It’s also the FIRST mention we get that the Mark is actually a curse, and as such there must be a countercurse to remove it... So, not monster, but hopeful there may be a cure for what’s threatening to MAKE him into a monster.

The other time I can recall Dean wearing this specific shirt was in 11.17 Red Meat.

Where he was lured into a trap that nearly cost Sam his life, nearly cost Dean his life, and he had to prove he was not the monster... the real monster was a ruse set upon him...

A group of werewolves they’re hunting realize they’re hunters and lead them into a trap-- a cabin out in the woods where the rest of their pack is supposedly waiting to attack and kill the Winchesters.

IT’S A SETUP FROM THE START!

Sam and Dean of course manage to kill most of them and find two victims still alive at the cabin. Sam is shot in the ambush, but they all still try to get the injured civilians and seriously wounded Sam to safety. Corbin tells Dean that there are more werewolves out there hunting for them, and they need to leave Sam behind to save themselves. Dean, of course, refuses. Because, duh.

While Dean’s out gathering wood to build a stretcher to carry Sam out, Corbin SMOTHERS SAM TO “DEATH.”

PROVING THAT HE IS ACTUALLY THE MONSTROUS ONE.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Dean is finally convinced there’s nothing more he can do for Sam, but the three of them still have a chance to get to safety. Corbin, Dean, and Michelle set out, with Dean promising to return for Sam (and to hunt down the other wolves).

(meanwhile Dean befriends Michelle when he’s the only one who believes her story about the werewolves. Even Corbin tries to dismiss her story as a lie. Dean realizes that if Sam is really dead, then Billie will be coming to take him to the Empty, but Dean believes Sam is the only one who can stop Amara... so he tries to bargain to trade his life for Sam’s, but he also finally learns the lesson that his life isn’t cosmic currency-- which I’ve written reams of meta on about why this is a HUGE GROUNDBREAKING SIGNIFICANT LESSON he learned here... Basically the key to Dean ever being able to unlock his own inherent self-worth...  

Meanwhile Sam wakes up back at the cabin, kills the other werewolves like a badass, and makes it to a phone to warn Dean that Corbin had been bitten)

THAT’S STILL NOT ALL!

Corbin goes full-on wolf at the hospital. He kills the doctor, the sheriff, and tries to bite and turn Michelle. Dean jumps him and fights him off until Sam comes limping in to shoot Corbin with a silver bullet, killing him.

Bonus shot of Sammy, Michelle and Dean all traumatized but hey... alive. And possibly more importantly, NOT MONSTERS.

Then in 12.14, Dean is wearing the shirt again.

In a situation that I’ve seen A LOT of meta writers refer to as a “seduction” by Ketch. Sort of like a “lure” into a “trap.”

In an episode where Sam is also being “lured” by Mary to the MoL. But that also turns out to be a trap for Sam that they end up having to fight their way out of.

Dean is compared to Ketch. Ketch calls him a killer, and talks to Dean as if Dean’s only motivation to hunt things is to satisfy the urge to kill. (I mean, we all know this is blatantly false, but this is Ketch’s line...)

Based on every other situation where we have seen Dean wear this shirt, IT’S PRACTICALLY SCREAMING “HEY I AM NOT A MONSTER!”

Dean is the one who STOPS Ketch from torturing a vampire, and does what he can under the circumstances to treat her like a person. 

I am so tempted to start calling this the Dean Humanity Winchester shirt just to spite the folks who keep mistaking it for the Bad Decisions shirt.

ETA: This shirt was also worn in 12.20, and now again in the promos for 13.21, and possibly other episodes in between, but since folks are flipping their shit for no reason I’m throwing that one in there.

In 12.20, again Dean was not the monster, but there was a trick involved with the twig people deceiving them.

In 13.21: again, not the monster...

ETA AGAIN: since this is now in the promo for 14.11, expecting more of the same.

[modestmondays]

Is there really evidence that Jasper shouldn't be redeemed?

Thanks for asking! First, theshort answer: no. There is no evidence that she won’t, and plenty of evidencethat she will.

Now for the long answer. Forthis, I’ll have to break up the question into a few different parts, and unpackthose.

Let’s start with: Redemption

 I know that “redemption” in thiscase is just fan shorthand for “stops being an antagonist” but it carriesparticular connotations that we need to acknowledge. Because it references themany other stories where there’s one group that is Good and Pure, and a secondgroup that is Evil and Corrupt. The “redeemed” character moves from the lattergroup, to the former group. In many of those stories, this transition is oftenaccompanied by a sacrifice (especially a self-sacrifice) both to balance themoral weight of their prior actions, and to reassure us that this is a realredemption (occasionally there will instead be a proxy baptism, because a lotof these arcs draw heavily on Christian conversion narratives). Evil charactershave to get what’s coming to them, after all. Their change must come at a cost.

 But that’s not the kind of showSteven Universe has ever been. The Crystal Gems are not perfect paragons ofvirtue, and Homeworld is not a collection of relentlessly evil monsters. Homeworld doesn’t go around trying to hurt humans. They’re indifferent, not malicious. And there are more episodesabout the CGs hurting each other thanthere are about the conflict with Homeworld. Even after thousands of years,Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are still struggling to be better people. Steven islearning how to be a better person.

 Because that’s another key partof the show. People are people. Not heroes, not villains. Everyone is trying todo what’s important to them, everyone hurts others (accidentally, incidentally,or deliberately), and no one is beyond hope. The show emphasizes this over, andover, and over. I’ll highlight just a few key examples, otherwise we’ll be hereall day:

1)      Peridot.When she first showed up, she was a terrifying, heartless antagonist, crushingan injured flask robonoid with no hesitation or remorse. She was on Earthbecause she had a job to do here. She cared about doing a good job, and aboutHomeworld. And she still does. The only difference is that now, she sees thevalue of Earth for Homeworld. Withthe resource crisis there as intense as it is (a crisis that is especiallypersonal for our poor era 2 gem, especially without her limb enhancers), it’sno wonder that she’d want to protect this planet.

 It may seem thatPeridot has also gone from being a bad person to a good one, but that’s notreally true. She’s the same person she’s always been. The only difference isthat she’s learned to look beyond the superficial categories of Homeworld’shierarchies—something she likely never had an opportunity to do back onHomeworld itself.

 So that’sPeridot’s “redemption”—she still wants what’s best for Homeworld and she hasn’tchanged her value system. All she’s done is learn more about the Earth andabout other gems, and realized that she was under-valuing them. This isterrific, but it’s not a change from villain to hero.

 2)      Marty.Marty is an awful person. He got Vidalia pregnant, but never respected her, andwas never a good father to Sour Cream. Eventually, he just walked out on bothof them, and never returned. All he cared about was himself and his ownsuccess.

 But then hecomes back (because of a legal obligation to Greg), meets Sour Cream again, andoffers to make up for everything. And everyone gives him a chance! He was agarbage person, but maybe he’s different now. Of course, he isn’t, and it wasall a self-interested stunt, but no one criticizes Sour Cream for trying.

 3)      Kevin.Also a terrible person. Kevin cares about getting attention. He wantseverything to be about himself and how great he is, even if that means ignoringwhen other people want him to stop. He’s consistently awful to Stevonnie, butwhen it looks like he’s opening up about past trauma during the race, they hearhim out, and begin to sympathize with his story. It was, unfortunately, justanother game for him, but they were willing to listen.

But wait, I was supposed to betalking about Jasper. Why am I making you read about all these other people?Because they all got the same thing: a chance. Not a chance to “stop being evil”or “start being good”. But instead, a chance to be understood, to stop doingthings that hurt others (and themselves), and to start doing things to helpothers (and themselves). Everyone, always, has that chance.

There’s no balancing the scalesinvolved, no punishment to fit the crime. When one of the characters doessomething terrible, like shattering Pink Diamond, it cannot be fixed or madewhole, no matter what they do in the future. But, like Pearl in Friend Ship,everyone gets a chance to give up the behavior that caused the harm, and gainor regain the trust and support of the people they hurt.

Jasper has not been given thechance. Not by someone who acknowledges her reasons for fighting. Stevonnie’soffer on the beach was not one Jasper could possibly take seriously, and Steven’soffer in Earthlings was too little, too late.

Jasper will get a real chance tochange, because the show has consistently given everyone that chance. It won’tbe a “redemption” because she wasn’t evil before, and she won’t be holy after.She’s an antagonist who has done terrible things, but she’s also a childsoldier who has survived having terrible things done to her. None of thatcancels out the rest. It’s all simply part of who she is.

And when (not if) she changes herbehavior (though she may not ever change sides), that too will become part ofwho she is, and part of what she has added to, and taken from, the world.

Second, I want to talk about “evidence”.

Because we have plenty of evidence,both within and outside of the show, that Jasper is a central character, in away that characters like Bismuth or Holly Blue Agate are not. Jasper has deepties to Earth, to Pink Diamond, to Rose’s war, and to each and every CrystalGem. We’ve seen some of her deepest feelings, her moments of crisis, hertraumas and hurt. She shows up, againand again, in the show, in the creators’ fan art, in (some) official merchandiseand tie-ins.

The evidence is clear: they wantus to understand Jasper. They want us to care about her, and about what happensto her. Narratively, everything points to her getting further development.

But, some object, she’s doneterrible things! She hurt people we care about!

Well, so has everyone else on the show. I’ve said this before, but the onlyperfectly innocent characters that we’ve seen on the show are Baby Melon and theCluster. Everyone else has lied to someone they care about, or took advantageof them, or negligently risked harm (to Steven, usually), or attacked Steven,or, you know, started a war that killed thousands.

Jasper is not uniquely terrible.She’s hurt Steven, and Garnet, and Amethyst, but so has Pearl. “Yeah, but she attacked Steven.” Well, so did LapisLazuli, and Peridot. And they actually tried to kill Steven (Jasper never did).“But, but Jasper serves Homeworld.” Well, so did Peridot. And Pearl. And RoseQuartz, once upon a time. “But, she abused Lapis.” Sorry, you’re wrong. Pleasefeel free to read more here, or elsewhere in my tags (mostly under “discourse”).I won’t be addressing it further in this post.

Anyway, none of that disqualifiesa character from changing, nor from being a better person in the future.  There are two characters who will NOT get achance at any kind of future change. They are Rose Quartz, and Pink Diamond.Being dead and gone puts a bit of a damper on that, you see. But everyone elsewho is still alive, Jasper very much included, can and will get the chance tochange.

Third, and finally, I want totalk about the idea that someone “shouldn’t be redeemed”. I’ve talked aboutthis before, at length, so I’ll summarize the two main points now.

Point one: different people inthe audience will empathize and identify with different characters. That’snatural and normal. Some people will see aspects of themselves and their traumasin characters like Pearl or Amethyst, others in characters like Lapis Lazuli orJasper. And that’s great! It gives people a chance to imagine, possibly for thefirst time, that someone like them (and by extension, they themselves) couldchange for the better, and could have a happy ending.

To say that some charactersshouldn’t get that, is to condemn that portion of your audience, to say tochildren; you, and people like you, will never be happy, will never be healthy,will never be normal or right or good. That’s false, it’s deeply harmful, andit’s a completely unacceptable message for a kid’s show, especially one aspositive and hopeful as Steven Universe.

Point two: people argue that kids“need to learn” that “not everyone can be saved”. But that’s not true. Everyonecan change their behavior, though some many need medication or therapy or rolemodels to help them make those changes (which is fine!). We may, asindividuals, need to cut people out of our lives, because we can only do somuch. But we, as a society, don’t need to give up on anyone.

The only reason to argue that wecan’t, is because you don’t want to—and that’s usually because there’s aspecific group or kind of person that you would rather not help, would rathernot see living a full and happy life (which is an awful and very common attitude,especially towards marginalized people). But the only way to ensure that we all get full and happy lives, is tomake sure that everyone does. Onceyou start making exceptions, you’ll quickly find yourself made into anexception. So, we have to save everyone.

Even Jasper.

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Reflecting on My Writing

What changes in your personal writing style do you notice as you survey your course work? Be sure to comment on specific elements and forms.

As I survey my writing, I notice that there isn’t one specific thing that I have improved on - but rather, an overall tone of awareness. I feel as though I’m more aware of my writing and the structure of how to write. I proofread and edit all of my pieces to make them as good as possible. I acknowledge and apply criticism and revisions. I focus more on how my writing sounds, is constructed, and what went into writing that piece. Before this course, I had a haphazard way of writing; all my pieces were rough-drafts. I would purge out an hour of continuous writing, and submit that as my final, polished project. As I look back on my writing from before this course and even from the first unit, I notice inconsistent and incoherent sentences. Run-on sentences for describing things were my friend. I felt as though I needed to cram as much as I could into descriptions. My writing didn’t flow, and when read, it sounded awkward and forced. Through this course, I have definitely grown out of that habit. Consistency has been a big hurdle for me to leap over, but the skills learned in this course have helped me overcome that. 

How did the ‘Analysing and Acknowledging Authors’ assignments influence your writing and understanding of writing as an art, craft, and career?

I believe that the assignments in Unit 2, Act 4 definitely changed my perspective on how I saw writing. I had never thought of writing as an art, craft, or career - more like a conglomeration of all three. Through the BIRT debates we had as a class, the definite between the three were argued and defended. I do believe that some aspects of writing can be categorized as an art, craft, or career - but it has been shown that writing, no matter what, can be all three. For the Researching Authors assignment, we looked further into how an author of our choice uses writing as those three things. I found it incredibly interesting and changing. 

Of all the writing techniques you learned this year, which one did you use with the most success? Give specific examples of this technique in your writing.

I have two: writer’s block, and Logos/Pathos/Ethos.  From this course, I have learned how to effectively overcome writer’s block - a monster that almost ruined my writing career. Before taking Writer’s Craft, I was on a hiatus from writing -- in 2015, I was writing like mad, submitting essays and accepting 1st place for the Legion Remembrance Day contest, writing short stories with my friends, roleplaying almost every day. Then, one day, I gently fell off the train. I wrote on-and-off until about 2017, where I had virtually stopped writing altogether. I focused more on my art, sure, but there were no stories behind the characters I was creating. I was terrified of writer’s block, since I felt like it attacked every time I wanted to write. I had so many great ideas, I just couldn’t or didn’t have the motivation to execute them. When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming an author. Now, despite writing still being a great passion of mine, I can’t see that anymore. I’m still learning how to deal with writer’s block every day, but at least with Writer’s Craft, I have a much stronger plan. At the beginning of the semester, it would take me days to finish one assignment. Things started piling up, which made me more stressed, and took me longer to write - little did I know, there were simple and effective ways of overcoming this kind of block. Once I got back on track, and kept noted on the techniques of overcoming writer’s craft, I speed through writing and am proud of my productiveness.  -  I had heard of Pathos, Logos, and Ethos previously, but never had I elaborated on or used them before. I enjoyed writing persuasive essays in English class in the past, but none of my classes had discussed these literary devices - and to me, these devices are critical to making the perfect persuasive piece. Carrying on the thought of writing being an art, craft, and career, every persuasive piece should include emotional, logical, and believable aspects. Think of them like the senses - appealing to one is good, but it is better to cater to all the senses. It also helps the writer challenge themselves with if their opinion can be adapted into an emotional argument, a logical argument with evidence, and a believable argument with character. 

Pathos – The method of persuasion through emotion. Pathos is used when writers want to convince their reader to do or think something by invoking emotion (like fear or concern). In this monologue, it is inferred that if you do not choose life, you will “rot away at the end of it all” -- invoking a negative emotion.  

Logos – The method of persuasion through logic. Facts, statistics, or common sense is used to steer a reader to a conclusion. In this example, “choosing life” is the correct, smart thing to do.

Ethos – The method of persuasion through ethics. Ethos uses credibility and experience in an author to convince the reader. In Choose Life, Mark creates a reputation for himself that the reader can infer – he chooses not to choose life. From Logos, we learn that choosing life is the best thing to do and will make you successful. However, with Pathos, choosing life will lead to you eventually not being happy. So, to combat that all, Mark builds a credibility (whether it’s positive or negative is up to the reader) to “skip life” – and carelessly states that there’s no reason for his reasoning.

Did you find the collaborative writers’ workshops effective in improving your writing?  Why/why not? 

I appreciate the revision and critiques that come out of collaborative work. I have written with groups in the past (not revising each other's work, but creating stories off of each other's writing) and that was always fun. I like the idea of getting multiple people to send feedback, because while they may say you have a spelling error, you will receive different perspectives and emotional responses to that piece. For my personal narrative piece on movies, I received two responses - one saying they got a negative connotation and overall thought the piece was incoherent, while the other enjoyed the piece throughout. They both agreed that my introduction sentenced needed to be edited. I found this critique, and the others I had received through the course always helpful. I don’t believe there are any critiques that I haven’t applied to my work. 

Alyssa Grant: “I really liked the concept of your short story. The feedback I would give is that it seems like it just begins in the middle of things and there are some details included which aren't really explained. For example, I'd love a beginning to the story, in a flashback or something, that explains why the ship is sinking, why they can't climb out of the cabin, and why there is the sound of gunfire. The background info makes it so the reader can follow your line of thinking in an easier way. I do like the part where he seems to recognize his fate and accept it rather than fight it. It allows the story to end almost on a happy not even though he's just died.”

Of the pieces chosen for your final writing portfolio, which one gives you the most satisfaction?

While all the pieces chosen were satisfying to write, I think the editorial I wrote took the cake. It was gratifying to write a personal and “venting” piece, albeit hyperbole, about a topic I’m passionate about. I kept structure and a planned layout to the piece, and didn’t stray too far out of the box. I enjoyed utilizing Logos, Pathos, and Ethos in my piece, in a creative way. I also appreciate the feedback I received on it. Since I am most akin to writing narrative creative fiction, this was a breath of fresh air and a new challenge for me as a writer. I may continue with creative nonfiction like this to broaden my learning.