#but for itaru it has to be boyd or west

[real-luck]

i am going to make so much propaganda for boyd/west and arthur when it comes to the harugumi birthday voting. you don’t understand how badly i need them to win

[liar-night]

rating ittz play pairings based on how insane the gay sex is

1. mercutio/tybalt

the most INSANE of insane gay sex. im talking window shattering bed breaking table creaking sink clogging shower leaking gay sex. when you look up hate sex in the dictionary their pictures are in it. they have scratches and bruises all over their bodies before they can even get in bed. when they walk out of the bedroom the morning after the villagers ask if they’ve been mauled by wild animals. don’t even ask who tops and who bottoms because they settle it through a naked oiled up wrestling match and the victor is different every week

2. west/east

they could be crazier than mercutio/tybalt because they have insane cock busting magic but i don’t think they directly face off with each other in the play so they get a few points docked off. also east is a super soggy sopping wet excuse of a wizard compared to west. the hate sex has good potential especially if magic is involved but east is too weak to stand up against west (but i guess east futilely struggling against west could also be insane enough for insane gay sex)

3. hatter/rabbit

have you ever seen the video of a shampoo bottle being crushed and milked by a can compactor? that’s what hatter does to rabbit. (ignore how they barely interact in the play this isn’t about that. itaru’s cringe rabbit ears line will forever carry me) their complete opposite personalities and values which could lead to disagreements that can only ever be resolved through insane boning combined with how rabbits are literal breeding machines and can go for 5-7 rounds at a time… yeah. i firmly believer that hatter needs to fuck the uptightness straight out of rabbit for his own good. don’t ask why the creamer at hatter’s tea parties tastes weird btw you don’t wanna know where (or who) he sourced it from

4. merlin/lancelot

when i first began thinking of this post they were at the top (biased because of the mortal enemies dynamic and because i have wips of demon merlin fucking the everloving shit out of lancelot with the power of “i can write whatever i want”) but then realized they aren’t as insane (pre-demon reveal at least) as the others… lot to think about. merlin’s meekboy persona for the first half of the play is as vanilla as vanilla can get. lancelot is too noble and dedicated to his honor to bed his employer’s wizard. and even after merlin is revealed as a demon, he fucks off and dies immediately so lancelot cant even slip a quickie in which i will FOREVER be mad about. in my heart i know the gay sex is insane but strictly based off of the play�� i cant see it. sad. i must fix this with my own crazy canon

5. boyd/luke

not much to say about them honestly. like i guess boyd would probably create a bunch of strange and quirky machines and potions (re: straight up sex toys and aphrodisiacs) that he needs a test subject for and who else is around to assist him but his cute sour faced dour faced apprentice but other than that… they’re alright

6. kanagi/kigutsudou

ive never thought about these two in my life

bonus: shibukawa/tsurumatsu

i actually haven’t read literary impasse yet so i cant rank them properly in good faith but i have heard that shibukawa is tsurumatsu’s childhood friend… lots of potential for pent up feelings on both sides that would absolutely explode during sex. with how stressed and neurotic tsurumatsu is, the stress relief fuck would go INSANE. they’re burning holes in the tatami mats with the friction from their bodies