#but fiona apple decides to join the party at the end

[dirtcola]

♫ >:^)

My Strange Uncles from Abroad - Gogol Bordello

For Tonight You’re Only Here to Know - The Distillers

Operation - Circle Jerks

Professional - Silent Drive

Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple

[pipsqueakparker]

first line meme

i saw @annabellelux and a couple others tag me on this, so i’ll try to do this as well (if tumblr doesn’t destroy everything 😂) 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line.

I’ll go ahead and put these under a cut, there’s gonna be a weird mix of smut and non-smut, so be warned (i don’t think any of the opening lines are too graphic, but fics are)

And I’ll tag @caitybuglove23, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @krisrix, @sharkmartini, @scone-lover & anyone else that wants to do this!

breaking routine 

I don’t know what’s gotten into Baz lately, but whatever it is, it’s a blessing in disguise. Or whatever the saying is.

thank you steve jobs 

“I’ve got an idea.”

Those words frequently scare me when they come out of Snow’s mouth, but somehow even more so when we’re on separate sides of the city, connected only by the small screens of our phones. My screen is mostly dark, with a flash of light or color here and there as Snow walks through his flat. He’s living with Bunce and I’m still staying at Fiona’s—it’s just easier right now, to be this way.

the one with the frogs 

We’re meant to be putting up the Christmas decorations tonight, but Baz won’t let me off the sofa. Our Christmas tree is still boxed up somewhere in the flat, mixed up with some other boxes of decorations we’ve brought in recently. And Baz is nestled into my side, both arms wrapped tightly around my middle, his nose pressed into my cheek. We were going to watch a film while we decorated, but I think he’s gotten a bit distracted.

“Enjoying yourself?” I ask, my voice soft and low. I want to turn to look at him, but I feel the tip of his nose press deeper into my cheek and find myself laughing. He gets especially soft and silly around the holidays.

twinkle 

It’s dark, nothing lighting up the night except for the sliver of moon peeking out over us. Stars twinkle among the wisps of clouds, in and out of my field of vision.

The only thing clear about tonight is the swell in my chest when I watch Simon swoop down over the treetops, wings beating powerfully as he makes a sharp turn. Thank Crowley for my heightened sight; I can make out the individual bones in those mighty wings, the way his curls get tousled by the wind, and the grin split across his face.

Simon Snow is a vision.

love’s not a competition (but we’re winning) 

Baz is on top of me, pressing me into the mattress with his entire body.

reconnecting for christmas 

I’m not a grinch, or a scrooge.

I don’t hate Christmas; I just hate all of the ridiculous expectations that come along with it. The ugly jumpers, the secret Santas, the grown adults trampling each other and trading blows over toys.

The annual holiday parties held at my university that I’m always forced to attend because my cousin is a fucking horror.

chore negotiation 

It started as a joke.

Well, mostly a joke. I hate doing the washing up after dinner; the only thing worse than the Humdrum is a sink full of dirty dishes. Every moment I spent in front of the sink felt like a special kind of torture. (Maybe that’s an exaggeration.) (But not much of one.)

scary movie 

“Let’s watch a scary movie,” Simon suggests. At seven in the morning.

His face is just inches away from mine, eyes bright like it isn’t seven in the fucking morning.

I glare at him.

And then I turn my back to him and go back to sleep.

Because it’s seven in the fucking morning.

poorly timed christmas decorations 

Someone has taken it upon themselves to decorate Mummers for the holidays.

I’m actually fairly certain it was a group of someones, and I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that my ridiculous cousin and his roommate were at the helm of the poor decisions. Niall genuinely wants to start celebrating Christmas as early as possible, but Dev just wants to create chaos.

There are lights wrapped around the railings and hung over the walls, wreaths on every door, and poinsettias on each landing. If it weren’t the middle of October it might be nice. However, it is the middle of October.

carving pumpkins 

Baz is good at a lot of things. He’s smart, fit, athletic, flexible, charming, etc. He’s an expert at nearly everything, at least that’s what he’d have you believe. It’s what he’s had me believe for the longest time. It’s part of what made me hate him so much. (Suppose that wasn’t as much hate as I thought initially, though, was it?)

Anyway, Baz is good at shit, and it’s annoying.

spooky ghosts 

I don’t know what prompted me to open my mouth as I was leaving Watford.

I don’t know what possessed him to accept such an offer.

But somehow, by the grace of either Merlin or Crowley (potentially a little of both), Simon Snow is at my family home for the winter holidays.

black cats 

Sometimes Snow can be a mad genius.

And sometimes he’s just mad.

witch hats 

It’s our next to last day — well, my last day, I suppose — at Watford.

We’ve a whole ceremony to deal with, us eighth years. It’s strange to be preparing for this without Snow or Bunce.

new candles 

Coping mechanisms are something we’ve been talking about a lot in therapy. Healthy ones and unhealthy ones.

Apparently I had a lot of unhealthy ones for a long time. I didn’t even realize until my therapist pointed them out to me, but we’re trying to replace them with healthier ones.

cinnamon spice 

Simon’s working late tonight.

He got a new job at this little bakery on the other side of town. He positively loves it, I swear he came home after his first day already best friends with the entire staff. I don’t blame them, Simon’s a delight.

warm apple cider 

“We should get lunch,” Simon says, swinging our joined hands between us as we follow a dirt path toward a picnic area.

Bunce asked us if we could find our way out of the flat today, she and the Normal wanted some alone time. I was just going to take Simon back to my flat, but Fiona decided she would be coming back early from her trip, knocking that option out. (Not that I don’t love my aunt, but sometimes it’s just easier to keep her away from Simon. For my sanity’s sake.)

We were just going to drive around for a bit, maybe find somewhere to spend some time, try to have our own day to ourselves. Simon ended up looking up events happening around and found this little autumnal festival, which is where we ended up.

fuzzy socks & a book 

Snow always teases me when I wear these socks, but they’re soft, and warm, and nice. They run up well past my ankle, about mid-calf, and they’re sherpa-lined so they’re especially insulated and soft. They also have two little vampire teeth at the top, and two little leathery black wings that stick out from the ankles.

Mordelia picked them out when she was around six or seven, Daphne was just properly tickled by them and put them into my stocking that Christmas. Several years later I’m still wearing them.

They’re nice.

take two 

We’ve not talked about the clone incident since that day.

In fact, we’ve not talked much since that day. Full stop.

We kissed until our lips were sore, until we were both gasping for breath, until the sun went down and the shadows lay over us and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up in his bed. He was nowhere to be found. He didn’t show up to breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. He was absent from all of our classes. I didn’t see him again for nearly two full days.

baby animals 

Baz is letting me hunt with him.

Well, not hunt with him, really. But he’s letting me go out with him. Into the woods behind his family house.

I know how hard it is for him to let me in on this part of him, the whole vampire thing. He’s trying.

(basil the) scarecrow  

Simon Snow was well into middle age now, as he carried his two youngest to bed.

[betsydobsons]

A slytherin girls day at hogwarts

hey nana! This last secret santa present is for you! The @slytheringirlsgang secret santa is complete for @adrianpucey ! I hope you enjoy, I tried to do it as well as I could. I made this so anyone can imagine themselves in your shoes :))

——-

You wake in the slytherin dorms, earlier than the other girls who snooze through the crisp sunrise that you enjoy to rise to. The sunrise was a reminder that you had 30 minutes to wash and eat before the first quidditch practice of the day. This morning you would be flying, unlike tonight, when it was body practice, for stamina and flexibility.

You peel your curtains back around your bed to hide the messy sheets, too tired to care about making the bed right now. Creeping around the room to the sink, you are careful not to disturb your friends. You remember clearly what happened last time you disturbed them too early (and so does your hair). Silently turning the taps, refreshingly cold water trickles into the bowl. You splash your face, now feeling more awake and alert than before. A quick change of clothes into your quidditch kit, and then you race out of the room, wanting to head into the great hall quickly to grab an apple before heading to the pitches.

You see a few of the usual suspects heading towards the library for an early tutoring session with an older student and you smile as you pass them, apple in hand. Adrian is already there, throwing the quaffle to himself around the pitch, Miles watching like he was entranced (everyone knew miles had a thing for Adrian, but who wanted to get into the middle of that mess?). Marcus and graham are in a heated discussion, most likely about which girl in your house had the nicest arse. Cassius and Peregrine weren’t around yet, and Draco was probably drooling at himself in the mirror or at a picture of Potter.

Either way, he could go to hell. He took the seeker position, the one you thought was yours. Instead you were a now beater. You had learned to like it and now you were pretty good,since no ball had ever hit you, except for the one time in practice when malfoy had tripped over the ball bag, letting the balls out. That had led to a broken arm, but you got free chocolate for weeks from draco and his gang. It has been the expensive stuff as well, probably to keep you from blabbing to your parents.

After a weary practice given by Flint, you hit the showers. Being the only girl in the team had perks, and one of those was that there was always hot water for you. You left the changing room in your own clothes, not bothering with the huff of the uniform gowns. Classes didn’t start until 9 anyway, so you always had time to go back to the dorm for a quick snooze.

Your first class was charms, which was always exciting. You made your way there while still doing your green tie. Since you had first joined hogwarts, you had always found charms incredibly easy, the graceful motions in your wrist perfected while finding the best techniques for hitting a bludger. You sat next to a girl named Fiona, from hufflepuff, and you two had always gotten along. She has been quiet at first, but now she was as open as a barn door, her personality always jumping out of her.

Next class was potions, yuck. On your way there you made sure to stop and talk to as many of the girls from your dorm as possible, if only to stall the inevitable. You thought the dungeons down there smelt and that snape needed a nose transfiguration. Although being a slytherin was helpful in this class, because even when you weren’t doing so well, you got good marks due to favouritism. As you helped your friend daphne stir the cauldron, she babbled on about her pressures to be perfect, as always. You didn’t give two fucks, but she was a useful person to be friends with, so you nodded and hummed in agreement when the times arose. The other pair on the table was Katya and Rosie, both hailing from ravenclaw. They were fine, a little distant and they always did every potion to Snape’s satisfactory first time, which irritated both you and daphne to no end. However, at least they didn’t whinge or mumble or anything like that.

After potions was a study break, and usually you would meet Adrian or Pansy for a quick bite to eat and a catch up (“there is no time to talk during practice Pucey” was a popular line of Flint’s). Today though, it seemed that pansy was occupied with her little fan club of boys who enjoyed just to be in her presence. Adrian was probably doing something Salazar-Sinful that would hurt your ears later, so you took the route towards Freya and Nina, two hufflepuff girls whom you adored. They were not in many of you classes, but you all tried to meet up as much as possible.

Today your trio had been joined by a gryffindor boy named Jack, and a ravenclaw boy named Harrison. They were both friends of freya and nina, so you tried your hardest to seem like you actually cared about how many pairs of shoes Jack’s muggle sister has, or how Harrison could gulp down a litre of beer in less than a minute.

That fact was actually pretty interesting, and you had made a mental note to find him the next time there was a party taking place. You and Harrison got on pretty well on the whole, but you could tell jack was a snooze fest. Freya and him spoke about his cat a lot though, so you knew she thought of him as a friend already. Too bad.

After what seemed like an hour, but was actually 25 mins, the bells sounded for your mid-morning lessons. It was now time for Divination. You enjoy this subject purely because you can sleep your way through the classes and still ace your final exam. You and your desk partner, a gryffindor girl who you had never asked the name for after she told you the first time both slept through the class together.

Then it’s lunch, and you are off to meet pansy, who has Adrian in tow with her. Walking into the hall, you wave to your friends further along the slytherin bench, and smile at your friends who reside at other benches. You sit on the slytherin bench next to daphne and Adrian, sharing and spreading stories of how your days have been and what each other has done so far. You tell them of meeting Freya and Nina’s new friends, Adrian tells you of how Miles yet again blushed when Adrian tried to help him with an arithmetic equation, and daphne shares stories of her newest toy. He’s an exchange student from durmstrang, and apparently the rumours of hand-size correlation are correct. You didn’t ask how she knew, and daphne didn’t divulge. You both weren’t stupid.

Adrian left lunch shortly after, claiming a detour to the library was needed before his next class. You thought he was just off to scheme about more ways to make Miles a flustered mess. You and pansy decided to finish up then too, and take a short walk around the autumn gardens. Many students were about, and Irene, another girl in the slytherin dorm joined you and pansy. Winter was fast approaching, which was a common topic to talk about. Winter is your favourite time of the year.

Winter held many important dates, like your birthday, Christmas, New Years and most importantly the winter holiday. The winter holiday was the time of year that you could see your family again, because they travel a lot when you are at school, so you hardly ever receive an owl.

The other girls make small talk as you pick your way across the grounds, on your way to care of magical creatures. You enjoy the sound of the crunch of leaves beneath your feet, and the breeze upon your cheeks. Care of magical creatures was a mandatory class, but one that was easy none the less. You like animals, but some of the creatures that Hagrid brings out are plain terrifying. You had heard rumours from draco in the year above being hurt viciously by one of his beasts. Other rumours had surfaced on how he had exaggerated the whole ordeal but you chose to be wary all the same.

The lesson turned out to be a lovely one, about unicorns and their healing powers. About how unicorns could not only be used for healing, but also as weapon, because their hooves were so strong and their horns so sharp. You enjoyed the lesson greatly, as you usually ended up doing. Unless it was raining, but that always put you in a shit mood.

Your final period of the day was a library period, so while pansy and Irene trudged their way toward the castle with Gretcha (another girl from your dorm), you went towards the Great Lake. You wandered until you settled at the foot of a huge oak tree. Sitting down onto dry leaves, the sun shining warmth onto your face, you close your eyes and just let random thoughts enter and leave your head. You use this time to sort through everything that occurred so far today, to sort through the information needed to be remembered and what could be forgotten.

After a while, you hear the final bell for the day of lessons, and the toll of the bells signal the end. Dinner would be served in two hours, but you had land training until then, as to keep up with your arm strength and flexibility. It would only be an hour long, so the sooner you got there, the sooner you would be ready to leave.

You picked yourself off the ground, brush off any dirt and marched to the slytherin dungeons. Once in some loose shorts and baggy t-shirt, you took a gym bag with water and a towel in it, and made your way back to the pitches, for the second time today. You could sense that Marcus was frustrated at something, or perhaps a someone, as you came into the grassy area.

Flint worked the whole team extra fiercely today, something had put him on edge and it was clear this was an outlet for him. None of the team mates judged him for it, knowing that they too have days where it all gets too much and the energy that fizzles needs a place to go. You kept your head down, pushing yourself time and time again. This is what gave you your strength, your confidence. You knew that any person that challenged you would not only have to go through your solidly built team mates, but would have to beat you as-well. You could pick a fight, and with this training as a beater, most likely win. As long as magic wasn’t involved, because you were shite at self defence shields.

Trudging back to the castle with your team, you were all deep in thought. You walked beside Miles, Adrian on your other side. You could feel them both over the top of her head, making silent eye movements as a way of communicating, and you didn’t think anything of it. Your mistake. At the same time, they launched an attack on you, Adrian grabbing your shoulders and Miles grabbing your ankles. A surprise attack was the only way they could have the upper hand. With you writhing between them like you were lying down, they sprinted towards the Great Lake. Too late did you realise their intent, and your screeches for them to stop were futile.

They threw you in.

It was fucking freezing, and gone was the warm sun from this afternoon. You did the only thing you could to stop their fits of laughter. You created the biggest splashes you could, soaking them from head to toe. You were grinning now, as the dumbstruck fools began to wade into the lake beside you, splashing you in the process. You fought back, laughing the entire time. The other team members ran for the Lake too now, jumping in fast and unprepared for the sharp cold of the water. A number of shrieks rose up, and soon everyone was dripping wet, laughing and pushing peoples heads under the water. This was your team, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Faces sore from smiling so hard, they trudged their wet arses through the castle to the dungeon, much to the misfortune of their classmates, because they all stuck of dirt. You get into the common room for slytherin, shout to the boys some rather unpleasant things including how they would all get what was coming for them, Adrian and Miles especially.

A warm shower was taken, and you get comfy in your Pajamas for the night. You had long since missed dinner, but one of the house elves has brought hot chocolate and cookies into the commons room, so you make your way downstairs. You see your friends from your dorm playing chess by the fire, so you quickly grab a mug of goodness and nestle in between Irene and one of your better friends, Claudia. That made up your dorm. Irene, Claudia, Daphne, Gretcha and yourself. Pansy was in the year above, but she still was as dear as any of your other friends.

With the fire roaring, the girls giggling and the boys jumping in and out their conversations, you couldn’t find it in you to stay awake. So this is how your day ended, with your friends in your dorm lifting you up to your bed.