#but feeling v uncomfortable about it
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I keep going back and forth on the topic of where I fall on the allo/aro spectrum, partially because I kind of like. Don't wanna be aro (I'm already trans, queer and autistic with depressive tendencies, I don't need to add another thing to the list)
But another part of it is that even if I am capable of romantic love I probably just wouldn't know, because I already don't really know what platonic love feels like? And I'm not saying I can't love anything or anything like that it's just. Like many other emotions, I kind of have to retroingeneer it, sort of
I know I love my cats, not because I feel a surge of Something when I look at them, but because it makes me smile when they do something cute—my face knows what I'm feeling in those moments, I'm not sure I do. I know I love them because when Pouet died I cried every day for a month and I still cry sometimes, when I think about her. I know I love my cats because my brain keeps lighting up with fear signals when they're sleeping and I don't immediately see their chest move as they breathe.
I know what anxiety feels like, I know what anger feels like (when it explodes), I know what depression feels like because I dealt with them for so long I learned to recognize their physical symptoms! If these emotions didn't leave specific signals in my body then I'm not sure I'd know what they are.
And the thing is... I don't really like. Know what love or affection feels like, I think. Yes I can feel myself smile when I speak to certain people, but I also habitually smile at everybody because it makes things easier socially. I know I like people because if they ask me if I want to do an activity I either say yes or I have regrets about saying no.
My point is: I feel like I don't know my emotions so much as I know the buttons they push in my body, so to speak, but the problem about platonic/romantic love is that I can't imagine they make that different a shame, so who's to say which one it is?
It's funny, in a way, that I don't know something like that at my age. It's also really inconvenient, tbh. There's not really a reason for me to think about this rn except sometimes if I meet a cool dude whom I know is gay I wonder for a minute or two what a relationship with him would be like (which I'm going to assume is not that weird a thing to do) and the last time that happened led to, well. Ponderings about romance I guess
Anyway, the tl;Dr is that it took me decades to figure out the emotions I can recognize now, and I've largely approached social interactions with the inner spirit of a wet Chihuahua for most of that time, so how the fuck do I know if I can't identify those because I'm shit at self understanding or because I don't feel them???
Idk, it's complicated
(Tho honestly it would also be a little bit hilarious if after all this shit I landed on nah just aro. Not my preferred option right now but eh xD)
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#BUT ALSO#When I came out as a lesbian it was sort of a logical reasoning#'oh I'm not interested in being in a straight relationship so I mist be a lesbian'#V neutral when you look at it#Whereas figuring out I was trans came with such a wave of like#relief and joy that EVEN I couldn't miss it#it was so strong it's been the cornerstone of getting myself out of anxiety spirals everytime I wondered if I was allowed to identify#as trans despite not starting any official transition process for the past eight years#you would THINK that an accurate label ought to feel like that right?#aro... doesn't#is it prejudice I haven't dealt with? is it bc it's not accurate? is it because my trauma is largely centered on my gender identity#and having suffered less about the romantic spectrum side of things made my reactions less intense?#a mix of all of those? some degree of repression because I'm still not done feeling like if I try to have a presence in people's life I wil#make them uncomfortable and disgusted because I'm some sort of monstrous being?#I sure as shit had no shortage of shame back when I had that coworker of mine that made me blush and stammer and was 5 years younger than m#URGH#Can you tell I don't have a therapist#10n
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maybe a hot take, but kev and v are also partially responsible for what happened to liam that night that he overdosed, and both the show and shameless fans don’t acknowledge this anywhere near enough imo. obviously, fiona is liam’s legal guardian, so a very large portion of that responsibility 100% falls on her, but as mentioned, i don’t see enough shameless fans talking about how both kev and v were grown adults also recklessly doing lines of cocaine in a house with a literal toddler. there was not enough awareness of the environment for how hard they were partying, and v even admits to this shortly after. that’s the only bit of accountability that we see either of them take, and if i remember correctly, the guilt that’s displayed/written is surface level, and it’s a fairly brief scene. there’s not even an exchange of apologies between the two of them and fiona once she’s out. like, if this were a situation that were to actually happen, i know people that would be so pissed off at kev and v, they’d be ready to throw hands tbh because again….they were grown adults also recklessly doing lines of cocaine in a house with a literal toddler. you are partially responsible.
#shameless meta#and i feel like we get a little uncomfortable acknowledging this as a fandom because it’s one of THE lowest and heaviest plot points#and bc kev and v are generally well received by the fandom (period bc i love them too) but#it’s just not talked about enough#say you’re at a party where you’re doing cocaine and there’s a toddler in the house who gets into it#how do you not feel partially responsible ?#how are you not also panicking ??#how do you not feel guilty enough to apologize to the toddler’s older sister for not being as mindful as you could’ve been?#for how much kev and v talk about how irresponsible the gallagher clan is they condone in their bs a lot and partake#but that’s the whole point of the show so i get it#and that’s why i love it bc the characters feel fleshed out and real#so i’m not just ignoring that blatant fact that like#it’s a show about fucked up people doing fucked up shit lol#shameless#ian gallagher#lip gallagher#mickey milkovich#debbie gallagher#carl gallagher
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Good morning gamers! Hope you're all having a good day! As for me... I'm alright ^^ Afjsnfjd Wasn't doing my best last night but I'm doing a little better now!
#pan rambles#Me not doing so well last night was 100% my fault btw-#fjsfjjdjfdj Should've been more careful about what I watch past 9pm#when I knew there was a risk of feeling uncomfortable upon seeing a certain character#but alas😔#I'll give it a try again another time though#anyways#On a more positive note#I streamed D.ungeon M.eshi for a friend yesterday!! :D that was fun!#Also I'm gonna try to add more characters to my artfight later today#I tried to do it yesterday but I was only able to add one character before Artfight started to Not Cooperate ;v;
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Finished this today (maxed out relationship with Johnny as male V) & they're breaking my heart. Both of them. There's no good outcome. Only bad and even worse ones.
I'm, quite honestly, still coming to terms with Rogue's reaction. Sure, she had time to think about it all & she didn't depend on Johnny the way Kerry did, but I watch the video and it's like she's scolding ME? She's come a long way, but I'm also very sad. And that's considering that in another ending she gladly goes on a suicide mission with him. There's love and understanding, but there's also... this. The fact ITSELF that Johnny reached out to Rogue and told her what happened.
Then there's Kerry & how differently he reacts to 1) this outcome 2) to when V comes back from Mikoshi (but dies in space & Kerry doesn't know about that) 3) and in Phantom Liberty (that one is a MESS). Like??? Those are three completely different reactions!
At the same time, Kerry's dates are incredibly disappointing. They have nothing to talk about (or at least CDPR doesn't give us the options, only 2 things to ask & that's it).
I swear, SilverV would be more logical than whatever V and Kerry have/had going on. Or Kerry x Johnny instead of Kerry x V for that matter.
#cyberpunk 2077#cp2077#rogue amendiares#kerry eurodyne#cb2077#johnny silverhand#phantom liberty#johnny x rogue#natisplaying#male v cyberpunk#kerry x v#video#at the time of posting#i'm quite literally staring at my monitor#like that lisa simpson meme#i feel very uncomfortable about 'how stupid HE was'#because my go to choice is female V#but oh well
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#longlegs spoilers look away if you haven’t seen it etc.#had high high hopes for this film and for the most part i enjoyed it a lot#i loved the acting and the production and the atmosphere#the overhanging dread that encompasses the film is so good#and the uncomfortable. anxious everything is great#and nicolas cage is 11/10#but if you know me you know how i feel about horror films that turn to possession/satan#it’s such. a cop out imo sorry lmao#like this film could’ve been good with it as a weird serial killer fbi procedural#it could’ve been JUST that and been amazing#but tacking on the satan thing 3/4 of the way through just tuned me out man#like!!! make scary movies!!! scary!!! without things that are easily!!! creepy!!#v underwhelming in that regard#story could’ve been better but i did enjoy it nonetheless#and nic cage’s character will be iconic in horror i’m sure#and it’ll be a fun halloween costume#but djdkdkdkf i don’t know i’m rambling now and sleepy anyway!#good movie but not great movie!#maika monroe is THE scream queen tho always
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🫤
#the way i feel about the surge of astarion x gale smut in the tags is.....#v reminiscent of how i felt about all the alistair x cullen sex stuff#Astarion voice: i dont care for it#little voice in the back of my head is telling me .... its the same people#tbqh i don't like. care. abt the ship#its more the people who act v weird abt it make me uncomfortable in a very .. specific way
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Let's talk emotions: does she feel them? short answer: it's complicated.
In her default, unaffiliated verse the general consensus is that demons aren't capable of feeling positive emotion, and they as a species tend to play into that. the truth is a little more complex; positive emotions (love, compassion, joy) sit just barely out of reach at most times. the emotion can be there, but it's disconnected, muted, like it belongs to someone else.
She absolutely can feel the negative side of the emotional spectrum: rage, spite, possessiveness, desire...anything that isn't inherently good is far more accessible.
That said, those positive emotions can begin to break through. If she's decided that she likes you, she's willing to do a sort of "fake it till you make it" sort of thing. She'll engage in your passions because they're important to you, make romantic gestures because they'll mean something to you, because even if she doesn't quite understand the emotion that's supposed to be behind it, she'll learn and adapt, because if you're important to her? so is your happiness.
Given enough time, that detached fondness/possessiveness can develop into true emotion. She is, in fact, capable of love! It's only happened once so far and it was super distressing for her t b h, but it's proof that it can indeed happen.
(her verses in Supernatural and TVD/TO are somewhat exceptions since it's established demons have ✨feelings✨ in that lore. they're present, but still toned down)
#( lore drop! )#( σut σf cσntrαcts || ooc )#// I could def make this less rambly and more clear#// but fuck it yolo#// anyways she definitely has a low-key crisis any time genuine positive emotion happens#// v uncomfortable for her#// sb: demons can't feel love#// her: I fuckin WISH we couldn't#// Anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk#( тнє ∂єνιℓ тнαт уσυ ƒσяgσт || about )#( тнє ∂ιѕσвє∂ιєη¢є тнαт нσℓ∂ѕ υѕ тσgєтнєя || lore )
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After read @xsdjkl’s So Mi post,I have a domestic fluff headcanon of V help So Mi clean her metal body,wipe off all the dust which sticks on her wires and cables like a couple blow dry each other hair
#then V could do something like this make her comfy about it#When Somi feels uncomfortable with her own body
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Hey who said episodes 7 and 8 get to be pretty good/alright
#these were the only ones that made me laugh out loud#idk about season 2 but at least for this season you could have removed the v’s and not much would be different#also carmilla design went from kinda bad to oh shit it’s pretty by her just taking her hair down wow#hazbin hotel#battle Charlie is best design#there are still a lot of fucking problems but I still thought the show went up in quality#although I think they went way to far with the idk subversion of oh hell is the good guys and heaven are bad guys#like no these people are still in hell for a reason like dude they’re still bad dudes dude#also this might be a me thing but I got uncomfortable with rooting for Lucifer to kill Adam#like as a me as religious person thing I was like this feels iffy man#also I wanted to yell at my tv why are you attacking the shielded and heavily armed place where you’re getting slaughtered#it would have been a cool direction if the angels went and attacked everywhere else ya know where the unarmed people are#and charlie and crew where like oh shit and the battle spanned like the whole city and they had to defend random people#it would have made the angel army look less like tactical idiots
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Feeling very conflicted about things 😕
#bf trouble unfortunately#i draw the line at not taking action/responsibility when it comes to mental health things#he's not been feeling great but he's just not spoken about it to the person who is like mentoring him.#to me that's not acceptable he cannot complain in my texts every day and then NOT take action#I'll listen to him and be there for him but it's not okay for him to only talk about it with me and not that person.#i cannot carry that load i cant even carry my own#and from the beginning we've agreed that id be honest about how i feel + always talk to my housementor and work towards therapy#he cant just not do anything#plus on monday he did something inappropriate and then proceeded like it was normal even when i obviously felt v uncomfortable...#ever since the holiday something's cracked and i think it'll take a lot of talking to patch it#he is sweetnatured but also misses some essential life skills and is often too eager..#i felt so safe w him for ages but that's kind of gone away now 😕#i called him tonight abt his mental health bc he was basically just whining in my texts several times a day#and then not talking to that person and i was getting mad tbh. like he was whining about his mum and stuff.#like. bro i get it but i dont.#doesnt feel nice to call him out like that but i did my best to not like attack him.
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🦋
#of all of the topics that are really touchy for me surrounding sw i think the one that always makes me uncomfortable#are the ones surrounding minors being involved w it. like dont get me wrong-- i obviously disagree w minors doing sw.#but due to my specific history i have really murky feelings surrounding how those situations are handled.#&specifically i have an almost impossible time convincing myself to discuss any of it w anyone who doesnt also have background#in specifically working to help the severely impoverished. bc it does nothing for me to hear about how terrible these situations are#w/o any history or prior knowledge of WHY these situations happen.#my stint as being FORCED didnt start that way it started bc i got caught up in nonsense after NEEDING the work. if there had been any social#safeguards for me as a child or even my mother as a thoroughly&systematically abused wife#the chances of me having met the man who would pimp me out for several years before i even hit 18 would probably have been fucking zero.#&anyone who has 0 interest in those details but insists on having an opinion they ultimately know nothing about pisses me the fuck off lmao.#v similarly to how i will not entertain discussions about electoralism w anyone who feels ballsy enough to act like voting is the best way#to make change bc it is the ONLY way theyve ever made any sort of change so obviously anyone who disagrees is just a#democracy hating monster lmao. ive done electoral work even when it felt like pulling fucking teeth to make myself-- it still only happened#w ppl who spend non-electoral time periods working to help ppl directly... so actually i do think they have a right to push other ppl to#vote. &they all managed to not be viciously condescending in the process bc some of them couldnt even vote themselves as former cons.#bc when you do the OTHER work you know better than to talk down to ppl whos situations you know nothing about.#idk i just have SO LITTLE interest in anyone who has an opinion strong enough to be loud+disrespectful to other ppl about#but doesnt have the spine or interest to do anything past shower-depth involvement if it cant be credited to them or used to talk down#to other ppl about.
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bumble bff but for like fucked up ppl
#i need more friends but nt and ppl that dont like gross stuff are v v hard to talk to#like not in an edgelord i hate normies way its just that talking to them feels so uncomfortable and they're scared to talk about most thing#not guro#fate is calling
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like yeah he would do numbers on here but i am so glad al doesn't use tumblr and im so glad that im on here instead of twitter. can you imagine thirstposting on twt knowing that he namesearches? that would strike such fear into my heart. my parasocial relationship with him is none of his business and i prefer it that way /lh
#id be on there using codenames to evade the namesearch lmao like wow awooga peculiar alfred is breasting so boobily in this picture#i really dont get the 'calling them daddy to their face/in their mentions' style of internet fandom though like#aside from the ethical/sexual harrassment concerns#how does that not feel deeply deeply uncomfortable to do in the first place#feels about as weird to me as it would feel to say something like that to the self checkout attendant at my local tesco#i am v easily embarrassed about these things tho#hence this blog being a pseudonymous sideblog lol#my parents bought a cameo for me one xmas from an actor i have a crush on and i almost died of embarrassment. the screams i scrumpt
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i'm up to date with the super manga now
#THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS#my mess#how do you mess up this badly. HOW. HOOOOOOW#me when my little brother takes up my mantle with his dumbass (boy)best friend and i say JACK SHIT about it#also is canon allergic to giving goten any sort of screentime or#THE POOR GUY. GETS SIDELINED EVEN THOUGH HE'S THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE WHOLE SAGA#HE DOES ALL THE WORK. HE CARRIES ALL THE BRAINCELLS. AND IT JUST. REFUSES TO FOCUS ON HIM#though i will say#and this is extremely self indulgent#i feel vindicated by fayra's existence as a whole#cause she looks like me#her crush on trunks is hilarious to me because 1) i spent the whole arc wanting to kick trunks in the shin repeteadly#2) future trunks was THE childhood crush like you can't IMAGINE#oh and the fact that she's friends with goten when i haven't shut up about him for AGES is also sooooo funny#also i like how goten's friends are smart and figured him out. good for him? maybe not good for him that they figured him out but.#the mai thing is also extra uncomfortable but that's a given sadly. sigh#some good things came out of it though i guess? like everytime goten was onscreen it was p good. SEE I TOLD YOU HE WAS GOOD!!!#and hedo and trunks' friendship was v cute even though it was short lived. hopefully they interact more in the future#OH YEAH GANMA-TRVTEN BONDING. that was cool wish we got more of it#^ if by this mention this post gets in the tags i will explode this is absolutely not main tag worthy gjehbgehr#UPDATE: IT DID!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i remember when these were coming out and i still used tiktok i got some that were like#'wow goten's actually so cool i love him?'#and i was like 'I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT I WAS RIGHT. AS I ALWAYS AM.'#i figured it out. the main difference between gt and super is who's hopelessly pining and who's out there trying NOT to think about it#i think super goten deserves to kick trunks in the shin repeteadly#gt trunks is less justified but he should kick goten in the shin anyways because his hair is UGLY#YES I TURNED IT AROUND I'M TALKING ABOUT GT GOTEN'S UGLY HAIRCUT AGAIN#i completely lost the plot of my own tags. i'm sorry#i made this in like half an hour didn't even put any effort on it
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DON’T HAVE TO GUESS

{yuta okkotsu x f!reader}
summary: yuta is the greatest boyfriend to ever grace this earth. one problem though? he refuses to touch you out of fear of making you uncomfortable or disrespecting you (no matter how bad he wants it). your pent up sexual frustration is at an all time high and you’re sick of him rejecting your advances, so you devise a plan to get him to crack.
content: MDNI. FILTHY SMUT, smut with plot, established relationship, afab!reader, pet names, references to alcohol and drinking, college party, cursing, p in v sex, unprotected sex (wrap it y’all), dirty talk, FERAL YUTA, oral, creampie, yuta is down bad for you.
word count: 5.8k
author’s note: theming inspired by charli xcx ft. miss billie eilish’s song “guess” !! MWAH.
if you would like to know the origin story of this au, you can read it here! but it can also be read without it :)
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
yuta felt like an absolute freak.
ever since you both officially became a couple, he’s been the absolute happiest man alive and never ever goes a day without showering you with affection, kisses, and telling you how much he loves and adores you.
but behind that? yuta has a little secret.
and he is gnawing at the iron bars of his enclosure in absolute torture every time you do something, anything, that can get his little horn dog mind to imagine you in thirty five different positions on his bed crying out for him.
it doesn’t even have to be something you do that remotely resembles anything sexual, so on a day where you were sitting pretty beside him in the passenger seat of his car, the blood rushing to his dick at the sight of the seatbelt strap pushing in between your puffy boobs—
he knew it was bad.
yuta’s shamefully always thought about these things— even when you were both just on best friend status. but it’s harder now, much harder for him to behave because he doesn’t want to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. he respects you so much and always treats you like pretty porcelain glass, delicately running his hands over your body and soft face when you share a kiss or an embrace.
so now whenever he feels his heart pounding against his chest, face boiling red, and the all too familiar feeling of the lower region of his pants maybe getting a little too tight because of you, he immediately removes himself from the situation to prevent from spazzing out.
the bad thing was— this happened practically every single day and nearly every other hour, to the point where it was blatantly obvious and you were completely and utterly confused as to why.
every time you stand up on your tippy toes to give him a sugary kiss, arms wrapped around his neck and yuta’s arms around your waist, the makeout doesn’t last for more than thirty seconds before he’s pulling apart from your lips with a smack!, walking away with his head down, hands tight at his sides, and with a lame excuse for his abrupt leave.
every time you accidentally drop something and bend over to retrieve it with yuta standing directly behind you— when you come back up and turn your head to face him, he’s already staring back at you with wide eyes, lips pressed into a thin line and cheeks flushed pink. you’d ask then if he was okay, to which he would respond by a quick nod of the head and a dash out of the room to leave for a moment… again.
he did it so much to the point where he eventually avoided touching you all together, and you absolutely hated it. yuta’s always been affectionate with you, he’s never not touched you, and on a day where you swung a leg over his lap to straddle him on his bed, eager to show him a little loving and a smooch— you had just about had it when he placed his hands on your hips as you were trailing your mouth down his neck, physically pulling you off his lap and leaving the room— muttering about god knows what.
until you noticed.
you and yuta were seated on your living room couch watching a movie, the both of you dozing off gingerly as his head was resting against your shoulder, undoubtedly exhausted after a days worth of college classes and homework.
you went to place a sleepy hand on his upper thigh, about to tell him that you both should move upstairs to your room and sleep, but when your fingers accidentally grazed his crotch area, yuta shot up like a light and startled you awake— eyes blown wide and frantic.
“whatareyoudoing—”
“yu! my god—” you placed a hand over your heart, chest heaving. “i was just gonna tell you that we should go up to my room and sleep.”
yuta’s shoulders visibly dropped, and he closed his eyes momentarily before licking his lips, exhaling deeply.
“h-oh my god—“ he opened his eyes again after regulating his breathing and looked at you with worried eyes. “fuck i’m sorry baby… did i scare you?”
you gave him a little nod and he wrapped his arms around your shoulders then, kissing your cheek and the side of your head apologetically. “i’m sorry, i don’t know why i did that.”
but you did, and it was like a switch had gone off in your head, everything finally making sense.
every moment he would suddenly leave, or remove you from him when you tried anything, or every expression and reaction he made when you would wear something tight or short, all fell into place like a delicious puzzle piece.
so when he lead you to bed and cuddled you up innocently to sleep that night, you came up with a plan to test this theory.
you wanted yuta to crack.
unfortunately, your first attempt was a fail.
yuta had plans to take you out on a little summer picnic date by the beach, and when he arrived at your house and you texted him to come in and make himself at home in your room, you were absolutely giddy, fixing your dress and applying the finishing touches to your makeup in the bathroom.
you had slipped on a long, skin tight black spandex dress for the day— one that hugged every inch and crevice of your body like a vice, a mischievous look in your eyes as you ran your fingers through your styled hair before leaving, practically skipping down the hall back to your room.
the minute you came in, yuta’s eyes flew open.
“hi baby!” you greeted sweetly, walking over to where he sat at the edge of your bed and leaned down, planting a soft kiss to his blushing cheek.
score.
“h-hi.”
“do you like it?” you asked eagerly, doing a little twirl for him and mentally making sure to pop your ass out a little more in his direction. “i bought it just yesterday!”
“i.. i do, baby.” he squeaked, voice hoarse and mind in a full blown fucking panic when you took his hands in yours and ushered him to stand.
but he remained stiff as a board, arms glued to his sides and hands in tight fists as he looked at you, face strained.
you playfully rolled your eyes and took his hands, guiding them towards you. “you can touch me, silly. here— feel the spandex-”
and you purposely dropped his hands to land right on your ass with a smack.
yuta immediately inhaled sharply through his nose and choked, his face dropping straight into the crook of your neck to hide his delirious expression. yuta was biting the inside of his cheek so unbelievably hard that he tasted metal, his eyes squeezing shut as nasty thoughts flashed through his mind like a forest fire.
holy shit holy shit holy shit—
“f..feels nice,” he muttered into your neck, and you grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning your lips up to his ear.
“does it?”
you felt yuta giving in and slowly squeeze the plump of your ass, and he felt like an absolute fucking monster at the way he was feeling you up when in his eyes, you were just innocently showing him your pretty little long dress.
but just when you thought you had won, your smile wide with delight, he tore away from you and excused himself from the room with a quick kiss to your cheek, leaving you dumbfounded and defeated.
on your second attempt, you refused to accept defeat and planned more diligently than before, his tiny mess up from last time motivating and proving to you that your plan could bear fruit.
this day was particularly scorching, one of the hottest days of the year as you and yuta decided to get ice cream after one of his lectures from a shop down the street, an attempt at cooling off and escaping the heat.
you were sitting on a cute bench under shade just outside the shop as you waited for your boyfriend to come back, nervous and wearing a low cut baby doll top that showed a little more boob than you originally intended, but due to the circumstance at hand… the more the merrier!
after a few minutes, the door to the shop chimed open and yuta stepped out— two vanilla ice cream cones with rainbow sprinkles delectably adorning the pair of soft serves in his hands. he carefully handed one to you and grinned.
“here baby.”
you took a cone from his offering hand gratefully and licked a little off it as he sat down.
“thank you!” you responded sweetly, and it made his heart skip a beat as you both sat there, enjoying the summer heat and each others gentle company.
without yuta noticing though, you had stopped licking your ice cream as he chatted to you about the things he had to do for the coming week, attentively listening to him as you patiently waited— the vanilla soft serve glistening under the heat and slowly melting, droplets oozing off the sides until one landed right on your tit.
score.
“oh!” you gasped, looking down and pouting, “i spilled someee.”
yuta quickly reached to the side and pulled out a napkin he had brought from the shop, extending it out towards you but faltering when you shook your head frantically.
“no! it’ll go to waste! and i can’t reach down and lick it off myself…” you huffed and looked at him with the cutest face he had ever seen you make… you smirking deviously on the inside. “can you lick it off for me, yu? please.”
you had said it so nonchalant, so casual like it was the easiest most normal thing in the world to do, but it had yuta’s body and mind freezing over as you scooted closer to him, waiting.
“h— huh?” he stammered, unable to take his eyes away from your tits, the sight of ice cream drooling down over them an image he wanted to tattoo behind his eyelids to look at forever— his cheeks bright pink.
“hurry! it’s gonna stain my top,” you whined, putting a hand on his shoulder as yuta let you tug him down, him ogling and literally gawking over your chest.
without another thought, yuta stuck his slick tongue out and slowly ran it over the top of your puffy tit just like you had asked him to, the angel on his shoulder screaming at him to stop as his tongue continued to trail up your chest and around your neck, your breath hitching in surprise.
the sound of your reaction broke him out of his trance and he flinched away from you, chest heaving and pupils blown out with the biggest pit of shame in his stomach, feeling like a fucking pervert.
but you, your shoulders evidently deflated in disappointment as you pressed your thighs together, trying to mend the buzzing ache between your legs as your mind thought over and over about what he did, something you didn’t expect at all, and something you wanted him to do again.
“let’s… let’s go for a walk, yeah?” yuta spoke quickly and gently to you, taking your hand that was on his shoulder and pulling you up off the bench, him confused as to why you had a frown on your face.
but for the third and final attempt, you were utterly and hopelessly desperate. every time you guys hung out, yuta was still the absolute sweetest and did everything he could to make you happy, yet he still just wouldn’t touch you, and it was driving you fucking crazy.
you were getting reckless at this point, your pent up sexual frustration sky rocketing with every passing day, but you were completely oblivious to the fact that yuta was dealing with the same form of torture.
except way, way worse.
it’s gotten to the point where just the sound of your sweet sugary voice over the speakers of his phone has him biting down on the edges of his pillow, arms wrapped tightly around himself and his body curled up into a pathetic ball of despair, his dick rock solid and his mind filled with thoughts that consisted of strictly just you.
so when you called him up and asked if he wanted to come with you to one of your girl friend’s parties, yuta knew he was one hundred percent fucked.
he wanted to keep respecting you. he wanted you to know how special you were to him and how serious he was about your relationship with him, and he sure as hell did not want you to feel uncomfortable because he was a horny piece of shit that didn’t know self control and wanted to have sex every five minutes.
except he was a horny piece of shit, has always been one over you, and yuta knew the second he saw you dolled up in your pretty little dress looking absolutely lethal, he was going to lose it.
and he did.
with his arms crossed over his chest and a tight hand over his mouth, he nodded and hummed out a series of “mhm’s” at everything you were saying as you finished up getting ready, his eyebrows pinched together in complete agony at the sight of you.
the pastel green glittery dress you had on was so criminally short that any inch of movement you made, the bottom of your ass cheeks would peak out from below the hem of your dress.
he slightly lowered his hand from his mouth. “baby?”
“yeah?” you responded softly and turned your body to face him, spritzing your vanilla coconut perfume over your frame.
“i-isn’t your dress— a little short?”
you put the perfume bottle down on your vanity desk and looked down, internally giddy that he noticed the length, your plan coming into fruition.
score.
“oh is it?” you tugged at the hem of your dress, scooting it back down. “does it look bad? i—”
“no no!” yuta’s hands shot out frantically as he shook his head. “you’re so so pretty baby, the most gorgeous little thing i’ve ever seen,” he took a few steps toward you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, being mindful of your perfectly styled hair that made him weak in the knees. “i just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable for the rest of the night and not enjoy yourself.”
your heart melted at his words and consideration as you smiled warmly, eyes sparkling up as you gave him a cute peck on the lips and hugged him back, “you’re so nice to me, yu.”
yuta snorted but looked down at you fondly. “that’s the bare minimum baby.”
“so.” you peeled away from him and walked over to the bed to pick up your purse, swinging the strap over your shoulder. “all i do is make you ham sandwiches after your soccer practices.”
yuta laughed loudly, “that’s all you do?”
“yup!”
he nudged your shoulder playfully with his, a grin on his face as he walked down the stairs with you and out the door to his car.
“brat.”
at the party, your plan was to be as devilish and flashy as possible, showing off every curve and angle of your body to your boyfriend in means of getting him to crack, and your ticket there was the length of your dress—
but more specifically?
what you had on underneath.
when you met up with the rest of your friend group that were all residing on the long lounge sofa in the living room like always, you grabbed yuta’s hand and led him over to join the rest of them. he politely greeted each and every one, keeping you close by the hip before you both settled down on the couch.
yuta wasn’t a big party person like you were, but he also didn’t particularly dislike them either. as long as you were there with him, he always ended up getting shit faced and having the time of his life with you and your friends, something that didn’t even happen when he went to parties with his own friends.
your closest girl friend that sat across from you at an angle turned her body, yelling over the music. “have you tried this?!”
she pointed to the red solo cup in her hand, and you shook your head.
“no! what is it?!”
“someone from the frat next door made a mix of malibu and pineapple rum! it’s really good here!-”
she reached over and offered her cup, and as soon as you stood to retrieve it, an idea popped into your head— eyes widening. without another thought, you moved over to stand right in front of yuta before fully and erotically bending and lunging over to reach for the cup.
he stopped breathing. he looked at the way your dress rode up literally half way up your ass and he stopped breathing.
it was so unbelievably high up that he saw the color of your underwear— a lacy black pair with little bows adorned over the sides like a present, slightly see through but enough to see the outline of your lower lips.
yuta clasped a tight hand over his mouth, but as soon as that happened he realized that whatever he was seeing, everybody else was seeing as well. including that stupid moron that had been staring at you since the moment you both got here.
in record time his trembling arms shot out and yuta grabbed the hem of your dress, tugging it back down over your ass as he wrapped an arm around your waist tightly, pulling you back to sit on his lap.
you loved that he did that, but as you sipped the drink and chatted on with your friends, you were entirely unaware of the way yuta’s arms were gripped around your waist like a lock, his forehead resting on your back with his face hidden.
yuta felt like an absolute fucking freak again as the image of your puffy lower lips outlining your lacy panties flicked over and over and over again in his mind without a break. he felt so nasty, so shameful and so hard as he tried with all of his will power to calm his breathing and stop the bouncing of his right knee, eyes screwed tight.
holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck—
he needed you so badly, needed to slip that skimpy dress off of you and bury his face in between your legs, needed to slip his swollen dick out and grope your tits and pump his—
shut up shut up shut up—
at the feeling of his leg bouncing rapidly, you looked back and slightly turned yourself, confused at the sight of his hung head that was refusing to detach from your body and look at you properly.
you placed a gentle hand at the top of his head, the feeling of his silky black hair underneath your fingers. “yu?—”
his head snapped up straightaway, and your eyes widened as you took in the way his chest was heaving and his pupils were blown out, face completely red and his body practically shivering beneath you.
you frowned, “baby? are you okay?”
you shifted once more to assess him better, but his eyes only shot back down to your ass as he felt your dress rise up again.
such pretty bows…
yuta smashed his face in against your side, eyes screwed shut.
calm down calm down calm down—
it was almost completely dark in the frat house, colors of red and blue and green bouncing across the walls of the lower level as people drank and made havoc, your friends all caught up in their own inebriated worlds to realize what was happening between the both of you.
and at the feeling of his hardened cock against your ass, you slowly smiled and finally understood— your hand coming up to stroke his cheek lovingly, the act simple and innocent, until you took his hand from your lap and agonizingly dragged it further up and up and up your thigh…
shit shit shit—
until you guided his shaking fingers to the patch of wet in between your parted thighs, the lace material up against the pads of his—
fuck it.
yuta pushed you off of his lap and stood, snatching your wrist tightly before tugging and dragging you away from the couch and through the mass of people on the dance floor.
“yuta!” you yelled over the music. “where are we going?”
you were so confused, and you worried that maybe you had pushed his buttons a little too far and that now he was upset, and judging by the way he didn’t even turn around or respond when you spoke to him, it looked like that might be the case.
you gnawed at your bottom lip in concern as he led you both up the stairs of the house— you focused on trying to keep your dress from riding completely up and him opening and closing several different doors before he found what he was looking for.
yuta dragged you in the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him, his lips instantly latching onto your cheek, desperate wet open mouthed kisses dropping down to your neck and down to your chest as you gasped.
“m’sorry m’sorry m’sorry—” he repeated like a chant, voice muffled by the way he was sucking on your neck like a little leech, his fingers looping themselves in the straps of your dress before pulling down and revealing your bare tits to him.
you were wholeheartedly gobsmacked at what he was doing and you were loving every single second of it, the way his wild eyes darted over your tits and his wet lips just about drooling over them.
“i’m gonna suck your tits,” his gaze shot back up to you, chest rising and falling. “okay baby?”
a fierce blush spread over your cheeks at his words, mentally cursing yourself for wanting this so bad but feeling bashful at the wrong freaking time.
you barely even nodded before he picked you up by the waist and set you down on the counter of the sink, his wet tongue darting across the plush of your breasts and pressing flat against your nipple, your breath hitching at the feeling.
yuta sucked and nipped feverishly at your nipples, getting them slick and slippery with his spit as he squeezed at your waist desperately, your pretty moans ringing through his ears making his bulge tighten and strain against the buckle of his belt.
he trailed his tongue back up to your neck and groped the fat of your ass with his hands, subconsciously rutting into your covered lips as he whined and groaned over the warmth of your pussy.
“i— i’m gonna cum in my pants if we keep going.” he puffed out, tone constricted as he looked at you with feral half lidded eyes.
you nodded quickly. “but i want you to, yu. inside me.”
yuta’s eyes blew wide open as he shook his head, and you felt the way his hands trembled while he gripped your hips.
“we— we can’t baby,” panting, he unwillingly pulled his bulge slightly apart from your warmth and looked at you sincerely. “i can’t do that to you—“
“do what?” you asked softly, tilting your head to the side. “make love to me?”
“no— well, yes?” he dropped his forehead to rest on your shoulder and placed his hands at the edge of the counter to support his weight, groaning.
“i don’t want you to think i’m taking advantage of you or— or not respecting you and i want you to know how serious i’m taking this relationship and—”
you cupped his cheeks and made him look at you, your voice sweet and soft. “who said that? i don’t think that at all yu, and i know you’re serious about us.. i wouldn’t be sitting on this counter with my tits out if you weren’t.”
yuta laughed as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“you don’t wanna fuck me?” you whispered lewdly.
“trust me i do—”
“you don’t wanna see what kind of panties i have on under?” you pressed an open mouthed kiss to his neck. “you don’t want to maybe guess the color of my underwear?”
“oh i don’t have to guess baby,” he shook his head and grinned. “i know.”
yuta buried his face in your hair and inhaled, “has this been your plan all along pretty? to be a little slut for me and show off what you got going on down there?” he snapped his bulge back on your pussy so roughly that you jolted up by the sheer force. “to get me to fuck you? hm?”
you didn’t respond, you couldn’t respond by the way he was running and groping his hands deliciously all over your body as he spoke nasty to you. all you could do was moan stupidly.
“lucky for you, i’m just as guilty.”
he pulled your straps back over your shoulders then while sliding you off the counter, tugging the hem of your dress down over your ass before opening the door and leading you by the hand outside.
yuta ran through the halls opening and closing doors again, the both of you laughing when you would find other people fucking or making out, until he finally found an open vacant room with a bed and slammed the door closed, locking it.
his lips smashed against yours without another moment wasted, you unzipping and pulling your dress up and over yourself as he yanked his shirt off and threw it fuck knows where.
pushing you down gently on the bed, yuta took a step back to admire your perfect perfect body, the way your tits bounced with every movement you made, and the way that god forsaken lacy black underwear made you look as he just stood there and stared.
you cowered a little under his gaze, legs closing and arms crossing over your chest. “what?”
he shook his head. “i love you… so much.”
you smiled bright then, pearly whites on display as you watched him reach down and fumble with his belt frantically, sliding it off and pushing his pants down before kicking them away and hovering over you until you were both entirely bare.
yuta pressed honeyed wet kisses all the way down your body and in between your legs, shoving his face to your clothed pussy and inhaling your sweet scent, moaning as he did so.
he was so freakishly hard as he licked a long stripe up, the fabric rough and wet under his tongue as you squirmed and whined, impatient and bratty.
“you taste so sweet, baby.” he groaned, pulling your panties to the side and spitting on your clit, his index finger running delicately and slowly over your meaty slimy folds.
“fuck—” you panted, carding your fingers through his hair. “more please—”
“more?” he hummed, watching at the way you shook and shivered with his every touch as he slobbered all over your pussy like a man starved.
it was so filthy, squelching and sloshes of his mean mouth bullying your clit as your fingers flew to grip the sheets beneath you.
“eek!” you squealed, your thighs closing tight around his head as he ate, his hands coming up to force them apart.
“let me eat.”
yuta gripped the fat of your plushy thighs as his sloppy tongue moved across your lips and pussy, coaxing your syrupy cunt to pulse and jump with each lick, a knot forming at the pit of your tummy.
“i— yu, i can’t—” you tried to run away from his mouth. “i’m gonna cum—”
but he only grabbed your hips and brought you back down roughly, his rolling tongue lapping up your juices before your entire body shook with erotic ecstasy, your thighs clamping shut as you squealed and creamed on his tongue.
“fuuuucckkk,” he dragged out, coming back up and sliding your absolutely drenched and ruined panties down your shaking legs, his mouth coated and shiny and covered in you.
yuta pumped his cock a few times, and that’s when you noticed just how big he was, packing a meaty punch that had your mouth watering and desperate.
you spread your legs again as he climbed over you, sliding his dick in between your messy sticky folds before lining his fat tip against your hole.
god, yuta’s body and dick were on fucking fire, his tip slowly nudging and slightly stretching you, a pathetic whine leaving his lips at the feeling of your perfect pussy that was entirely his to fuck, a dream he’s had and yearned over for what feels like an eternity.
“m’gonna put it in,” he choked, licking his lips as he tightly gripped your waist.
you eagerly nodded, spreading your legs even wider. “please, i want you to fill me up, yu.”
and with that, yuta slowly and deliciously stretched your little cunt open, his swollen dick pushing past your tight squeezing gummy walls until he bottomed out.
“f—fuck,” he swallowed thickly. “you gotta loosen up baby you’re milking me—”
your hands gripped at his arms for support as yuta gently pumped his cock, your pussy sucking him up like a yummy lollipop and trapping him inside. “i can’t yu…” you shook your head. “you’re too big—”
his glassy eyes darkened over at your words, and he picked up a brutal pace almost instantly.
“is this— hah— what you wanted?” he reached out and pinched your rosy cheek meanly, pounding into your puffy walls as you cried dumbly. “to fuck you dumb on my dick after teasing me like that downstairs? huh?”
your eyes squeezed shut, loud pornographic moans tumbling out of your throat as he fucked you like he hated you, your tits bouncing with every hit.
a series of pat pat pat’s bounced all over the walls as yuta buried his face into your neck, his heavy balls slapping against your ass as he shoved his dick inside of you over and over and over again.
“i can— hah— barely move you’re sucking me, baby.” yuta hiccuped, his eyes welling with feral tears.
it felt good, way too good and he could hardly handle it, his heart racing against his chest as he watched you make slutty faces that only fueled his erotic agony.
he fucked you full into the mattress, setting an animalistic pace as the headboard hit against the wall repeatedly.
“s—slow down, yu!” you whined, your eyes rolling to the back of your head at the way his tip hit your cervix without mercy, you on the verge of cumming and creaming all over his dick.
“no—” he shook his head and looked at you, your sweaty hot bodies sticking together. “m’sorry pretty i c—can’t—”
yuta hiccuped and whined and cried at the way your greedy pussy was milking him for all of his worth, his abs tensing at the familiar feeling of his release. the amount of times yuta fisted his cock to the thought of you like a pervert, just like this, spread out and pretty, didn’t even come close or compare to the real thing laying in front of him right now.
“m’gonna pull out, okay?” he muttered. “gonna cum—“
“nuh uh!” you whined, wrapping your thighs tightly around his waist to keep him inside, your arms clutching his brooding shoulders. “i want you to dump it inside of me.”
“i— inside?!” he swallowed.
you nodded and smiled sweetly at him through your fucked out expression and puffy pouty lips, a sight he never ever wanted to forget in his life and keep the privilege of looking at every day, just for him.
yuta groaned again and shoved his face back into your neck, squishing your tits in his hands and holding on to them for dear life as you milked his cock, slamming his hips up to meet yours and you whimpering at how deliciously rough he was.
“mm— fuck!” you squealed as you felt yuta’s hot ropey cum shoot up your walls, bucket loads of it filling you to the brim as you felt your own orgasm wash over you, his hand pressing down against your lower tummy as he hiccuped against your neck.
you both grabbed on to each other as you tried to come down from your highs, your skin sticky and hot as his steamy breath fanned over your ear shakily, the booming of music downstairs shaking the walls a little and the sounds of footsteps walking down the halls filling your ears.
yuta gently peeled himself from you and slowly, delicately— pulled his dick out, his pupils dilating at the sight of his milky cum oozing out of you sluggishly.
his dizzy eyes flickered over to your dazed and tired face, smiling softly. “are you okay baby?”
you closed your eyes as he leaned down and brushed some of your hair away from your eyes, laughing a little. “yeah.”
“wait here—” he whispered before getting off the bed and walking over to what he assumed was the bathroom, retrieving a random towel.
coming back over, he tenderly spread your legs and cleaned you up, rubbing soothing circles into your ankles with his thumbs as he did so before plopping back down on the bed next to you, pulling you softly into his arms.
that was the first time you both had sex together, and as the fact registered into your head, you buried your face into his bare chest shyly.
“hm?” yuta looked down at you. “what, baby?”
“you’ve seen me naked now,” you muttered, voice faintly muffled.
he giggled lowly. “you’ve seen me naked now too.”
“your dick is big,” you leaned back a bit. “i can’t believe you’ve been keeping that thing hostage from me.”
yuta choked at your blunt statement and shook his head. “i’ve always wanted this baby, believe me.” he kissed your forehead and nuzzled his face into your neck. “i just didn’t want to disrespect you pretty so i just didn’t know if you wanted it like i did.”
“but i do—”
he laughed again, “i know you do, now i do.”
you smiled sheepishly as yuta caressed your back with his fingertips lovingly, feeling like he was at the gates of heaven with you in his arms after having shared something so intimate like that for the first time, something he only lived in his sleepy dreams prior to this moment.
“i love you, yu.” you mumbled against his chest, and his heart absolutely melted as he captured your lips in a sweet sweet kiss.
oh how he loved you, and the sight of your gorgeous naked body next to him, your breathtaking unreal face looking at him and only him with those eyes—
was something he wouldn’t trade for the world.
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