#but everyone acts like losing weight would solve our problems

[menlove]

actually that's made me incredibly curious & I feel like I'm gonna know the answer

[justthisgirlsworld]

Usually I’m the one giving out advice on here, but I think it’s my time to ask you guys now.

Ever since breaking up with my ex, my life has gone downhill.

Now, don’t get me wrong, getting back with him would NOT solve my problems. He moved on insanely fast. Ridiculed me. Threatened me. Sexually assaulted me. Was possessive and controlling and overall made me lose myself and reduced me to nothing but a stay at home, housewife in our future plans (which is a lovely life, but, it’s not me at all).

But, I’ve since lost a lot of friends? At first, everyone was on my side, backing me up, but slowly, they got bored of it and just started talking to him again. Even friends of mine who weren’t overly keen of him when we were dating are now wanting to, or even going ahead and talking to him, exclaiming that I can’t choose who people can talk to and that there are “two sides to every story.”

They are right, I’m aware of that. But, I would love some loyalty!!

I wasn’t perfect in the relationship, I know that too. I could be stressy, and at times, over emotional. Taking out my stress from the day on him. But, for the majority of the time, I kept up this act of perfection. I was nurturing, and maternal, and loving and his perfect, pretty trophy for him to show off. I stopped listening to music I liked, because he didn’t like it, stopped wearing clothes I liked, because he didn’t like them, cut off certain friends, because he didn’t like them - and put up with his friends constantly ridiculing me, just for him to never defend me.

I feel incredibly lonely. I’ve tried so hard to put myself out there, to make new friends after having my life revolve around him for the past two and a half years - but everyone else has pre-established connections and so they don’t care much for me. Plus, I can be quiet and awkward around new people.

It frustrates me to see him so easily get into a new relationship, and be surrounded by close (but not particularly nice) friends, even having my own friends go and speak to him now. I don’t know what to do.

My only gratification in this scenario is that, since splitting up, I am much more free and comfortable within myself than I was with him. I can wear what I like. Speak to who I please. Have opinions of my own and not have to worry about him freaking out because I said or did the “wrong” thing. I don’t constantly have his hands on me, and I’m not forced into doing sexual favours for a man that I felt constantly sick and headachy around. I no longer have greasy hair, nor break out because I am not around him anymore. Not only that, but, I look so much more beautiful. I am glowing (if I do say so myself). For a while, I slipped back into old eating disorder habits, and so, lost a lot of weight. I was already borderline underweight, so this wasn’t good. But I’m back on track now, with less weight in my face, beautifully dyed hair, makeup skills on point, a defined style and my old confidence back.

I just wish that the social aspect of my life was improved? I know I can’t just manifest a friendship, or, relationship and hope it to somehow fall into my lap. I just think, if I had a best friend, or, a guy/girl showed interest in me - maybe things would be a bit easier? What do you guys think? And do you have any tips for me?

[foodandfolklore]

The pile of Everything

A very old story with many reinterpretations. Perhaps it is more of a theme at this point than an actual story. The core aspect of the story focuses on a core resource where everyone can get everything they need. There is enough to go around, but only enough if everyone takes what they need for the day. And most of the time, people do. But then something happens. Sometimes, one person will start taking for them and their family member and others will see them taking more and get scared. Other times, people just simply feel like the minimum is not enough and feel they are entitled to more. In short, something triggers everyone to start taking more than they'll ever need and the resource is exhausted. Sometimes a compromise can be found, other times the people are jut left doomed.

A lot of the time, this story is told in a way to showcase the shortcomings of human greed. We want what we want and we want it now. But I really like it when it showcases our reactive nature to moment to moment emotions. Look at our time panic buying in times of shortages. No one equates toilet paper to wealth. People bough that stuff up cause they heard they were running out and they got scared. Scared there would not be enough for them if they didn't act fast enough.

This is one version of the story I found. It's fairly simple and straight forward, though I like that it showcases solving the problem with communication. Many versions have the panicked people just punished for their greed.

Florence Pile of Everything

In the heart of a tranquil valley, surrounded by emerald forests and babbling brooks, there existed a town called Florence. The name was well-earned, for the townsfolk were blessed with a magical pile that provided everything they needed. Each day, the pile refilled itself with an abundance of fruits, grains, and resources, ensuring that no one in the town ever went hungry or lacked for anything.

For years, the people of Florence lived in harmony, sharing the bounties of the magic pile with gratitude in their hearts. The townsfolk understood the importance of unity and worked together to build a thriving community.

However, as time passed, a subtle change began to creep into the hearts of the villagers. Some grew envious of their neighbors' possessions, and whispers of greed echoed through the once-harmonious streets. The magic pile, once a symbol of communal well-being, became a source of contention.

The town square, where the magic pile stood, transformed into a scene of chaos. Villagers rushed to grab as much as they could, fearing that others would take more than their fair share. The once-friendly exchanges turned into resentful glances, and the spirit of cooperation waned.

Soon, the magic pile struggled to keep up with the insatiable desires of the townsfolk. It started to produce less, unable to match the increasing demands fueled by greed. The once-abundant resources dwindled, and the town that had known prosperity now faced scarcity.

Realizing the consequences of their actions, a group of wise elders gathered to address the growing discord. Among them was an elderly woman named Lila, known for her wisdom and compassion. She spoke with a voice that carried the weight of years and the sincerity of a concerned heart.

"My fellow villagers," Lila began, "we have been blessed with a gift, but in our pursuit of more, we risk losing everything. The magic pile is not endless, and our actions threaten the very essence of our community."

Her words resonated with the townsfolk, and a sense of remorse settled over Florence. Recognizing the error of their ways, the villagers decided to make amends. They reinstated a system of fairness, ensuring that each person took only what they needed, leaving enough for others.

As the people of Florence restored harmony and trust among themselves, a remarkable thing happened. The magic pile, responding to the collective change of heart, began to replenish itself once again. It reminded the villagers that true abundance comes not from taking more than one needs but from sharing and caring for one another.

Florence, having learned from its moment of discord, became a beacon of unity and cooperation. The magic pile, once teetering on the brink of depletion, flourished anew, providing for the town for generations to come. The lesson of Florence lived on as a cautionary tale, a reminder that the greatest magic lies in the generosity of spirit and the harmony of a community working together for the well-being of all.

[nrc-broadcasting]

I don't know wether you are taking requests right now so if/when you are I hope you can do this-

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Hello! I'm Amelia and I just wanted to know, do you have any tips for being confident? I have very little confidence in myself and whatever I do so I wanted to know if you could give me some advice! If you're not too busy that is! I would hate to burden you...

Best Believe I’m Still Bejeweled

⋆﹥━━━━━━━🎧━━━━━━━﹤⋆

First off, I’m sorry for being inactive, I’m pretty sure I failed to post for 2 weeks conservatively at the least. However, I am back and I will be making up for the time lost there will be two more posts within the week to make up.

“Hello, Amelia! Here’s how I see it,” Yuu starts.

“Let’s identify your lack of confidence as a problem…which means you have to solve it. The first step to problem solving is:” They pause to give listeners time to answer, which they might not hear, but they’re trying to get everyone on the same page.

“Identify said problem, of course; but in this case, we need to identify where it stems out from. The source, if you will. ‘What’s making you feel like that?’ is the question we’ll have to ask first.” They hum, satisfied in they way they delivered their words.

“Is it a person talking down to you? Distance yourself, cut them off. Then, talk yourself up! Because they sure won’t do it for you,” Yuu smirks.

“But if you still won’t, I’ll start for you,” A soft smile graces their features.

“I may not know you, but I will never, never get tired of saying this, repeating it, even if I fade to become nothing but a disembodied voice in your memories,”

“I’m proud of you, you deserve every single star in the sky and everything beyond.” They say, surprised by their own words.

Embarrassed, they clear their throat.

“Excuse me, it seems like spending time around Rook has rubbed onto me.” They scratch their face sheepishly.

“Anyways! Back to the topic!” They clap, the sharp sound echoing through the broadcasting room.

“To heighten your confidence, thinking about all that you’ve achieved, thinking you can do nothing will not help in cases like these.” They start to ramble.

“Also, stop being humble, go flaunt yourself to the world. Don’t mind what people say, what are they going to do? You’re a diamond waiting to shine!”

“And a diamond’s gotta shine.” Yuu raises their eyebrows at their words, not expecting to discover another analogy they can use.

“Let’s go back, regarding toxic environments. They usually cause people to lose confidence in themselves and project their insecurities onto others, so to avoid being the cause of someone else’s insecurities, surround yourself with positive people.”

“But environments aren’t the only factors coming into play here; how you act towards said environment can make or break yourself.” They say, making random hand gestures.

“Because what good will a healthy environment be if you sabotage it? By ‘sabotaging it,’ I mean comparing yourself to others.”

“Everyone is different, why would you compare yourself to someone who has a different personality, a different mindset and vary from you in a myriad of ways? Everyone has their weaknesses, but also strengths.”

“So, focusing in nurturing your own talents and strengths will do more good than comparing yourself.” They puff their cheeks out, seemingly finished with their rant.

“Think of it this way, you’re not the only one who feels like this. If you interact with people, you’ll find that your insecurities, your dreams, everything; likely aren’t rare.”

“There are times that you’ll feel you only have yourself, and that’s okay! As long as you know you can rely on yourself, you’ll brave through anything.”

“And one last thing,” Yuu says, noticing the timer they have for every question running out.

“A healthy mindset starts with a healthy body. I don’t care if you think you’ve ‘gained too much weight’ or ‘don’t deserve it,’ some people need will need tough love and I will not hesitate to demonstrate that myself.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━🎧━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Our fairytale has come to an end.

[dreamingaboutreid]

Hospital Bed Confessions: Chapter 7

*Continuation*

*Flash-forward*

Spencer was truly in awe. It had been 8 months since you joined the BAU.

Hotch seemed much happier with no more mountains of paperwork on his desk. All the files were neatly filed in Y/N’s office and his workload was greatly alleviated. He also had someone to confide to and understand a little bit of the pressure he had been experiencing.

Emily loved having a fellow Chesapeake Bay alumnus. With JJ being on mom-duty, Emily had a friend to go out with after she returned to the team, and they seemed to have plethora of things to talk about and relate to. He often heard them discussing their love of Kilgore Trout or favorite traveling destination.

Penelope was ecstatic to have another affectionate and loving member on the team. Y/N spent a lot of time with Garcia on deciding cases and it was evident how much they cherished each other. Y/N often brought in colorful collectibles and helped Penelope arrange them in her office.

Rossi respected Y/N’s focused yet good-natured character. They shared stories of their time in the military, which they rarely disclosed with the other members. He thought of Y/N as a daughter and took pleasure in sharing his knowledge of cars and whiskey.

JJ treated Y/N like a sister. It was obvious how similar they were. Both attentive and considerate with remarkable people skills. Y/N also became JJ’s go-to babysitter as JJ full heartedly trusted her with kids, which was a huge compliment coming from JJ.

Derek enjoyed Y/N’s company, who had a surprising knowledge of football, and would often make fun bets on what team would win the next game. He would also come to you for solid advice when he needed someone to level with him.

Not to mention, everyone was thrilled to go home at least an hour earlier normal, thanks to your fast but thorough write-ups you continued to do every day on behalf of the team.

For Spencer, you were a whole new world. He not only appreciated you as a hardworking member but as a new best friend.

You never interrupted him and seemed genuinely invested in whatever he said. Whether it was a new book he was reading or a new foreign film that came out. You truly made him feel heard and cared for. After he told you about Maeve, it felt like something was taken off his shoulder. Like you knew his pain and rather than only feeling sorry for him, they shared it together.

He also truly admired your ability to talk to people. Whether it was a serial killer who was holding a gun to someone’s head or a sobbing parent who had just lost a child or even an abrasive detective they had to work with, you just knew exactly what to say.

Spencer couldn’t place a flaw in you. The way you smiled, talked, listened, walked, ate, slept, heck everything, seemed so perfect to him.

When Blake came to his apartment to say her farewell, he was devastated. Another person was walking out of his life. But for the first time, he didn’t wallow up in his apartment by himself, blaming his eidetic memory for repeating all their conversations in his head or contemplating then shutting down his mental debate on taking dilaudid.

He didn’t hesitate to dial your number, and you appeared in front of his door in a matter of minutes. You had the ability to listen to his problems and somehow make them go away, or at least make him feel better.

While he always appreciated it, it bothered Spencer after a while how you never came to him when you wanted to feel better. You managed to carry all that weight without yourself ever breaking.

But he realized that it wasn’t anything personal. You just never showed much emotions to anyone, except for happy ones.

Spencer remembered when Derek asked you one day,

“How come you never come to us when you’re feeling down? There’s no way you’re always a ray of sunshine. Even baby girl has her emotional breakdowns.”

You had quickly brushed it off and said, “I’d rather make people smile than worry or cry.”

And it was the end of that.

Spencer often thought about this. Derek made a very good point. You were human after all.

But he knew that there was something much darker in you.

While you didn’t voice your emotions, your eyes told a different story.

When you were interrogating unsubs, your eyes became cold but your words remained calm and almost soothing, as if you were luring them out their lies to know their true intentions. When you were talking to victims or victims’ families, your eyes showed sympathy and it comforted whoever you were consoling when explaining that the unit was doing our best. And when you were talking to the ones you loved and cared about, you allowed your eyes to relax but there was a twinkle that he couldn’t keep his own eyes off of.

He hoped that you would open up to him, like he had to you.

But, it wasn’t too long until his wish was answered and he witnessed something that changed everything.

Y/N’s POV

You were exhausted.

It wasn’t the workload or rigor your job came with.

It was the emotional tole. You learned how to compartmentalize your feelings well from losing the ones you loved from experience.

But this job was different from talking to soldiers or serial killers. You were talking to normal people. You had unconsciously put your guard down and the emotions hit you little by little.

Every day, you walked in to deciding which cases to solve and you walked out hoping it was the right one to choose. The extra work you were doing actually helped keep your mind out of all the feelings and reality and helped focus your energy on something tangible.

You weren’t sure what came over you that day, but you had been on edge the whole jet ride back from a case. When everyone arrived back to the office, it wasn’t just you who was drained.

“Everyone go home early and get some ready. You deserve it. But report back tomorrow at 9 to finish your statements,” stated Hotch.

“I think I’ll stay back. Finish some of the paperwork,” you stated with a weak smile.

Hotch looked at you reluctantly.

“Are you sure? Everyone’s worn out. It’s okay to go,” Hotch said.

“It must be all the coffee,” you joked lamely, hoping Hotch took the excuse.

Hotch didn’t seem to notice as it was quite normal for you to stay late.

“Alright. Well, everyone thank Y/N on the way out and report back tomorrow at 10,” Hotch said as patted you on the back as he exited.

“Thanks for the extra hour of sleep,” Rossi stated as he walked towards the elevator.

“You’re an actual lifesaver,” Morgan commented.

As everyone said their respective greetings and left, you quickly ran up to JJ.

“Hey, JJ. Can I ask you a favor?” you asked.

“Of course! I owe you anyways,” JJ said.

“Do you mind if you give Spencer a ride home? Usually I take him, but I don’t want him to wait for me and he seems pretty tired,” you stated.

While you truly loved the arrangement you had with Spencer, you needed some space right now.

“Sounds like a plan. Just tell him I’ll be waiting in the car,” JJ said as she grabbed her belonging.

You thanked her and gave her a quick hug.

You turned and found Spencer already reading a book by his desk. Even though you thought Spencer always looked handsome, you had to admit that he did look tired.

“Hey, Spence. I think I’m going to stay a little late today.”

“Yeah, I heard you telling Hotch. I don’t mind waiting,” he said.

It must have been the pent up emotions you had been suppressing as you could feel your eyes slightly tearing up. You quickly forced them away, praying Spencer didn’t catch on. No matter how many times Spencer displayed his kindness and patience, you always appreciated his small acts of compassion.

“No, no. You must be exhausted. I asked JJ to take you home, and she’s waiting in her car for you. Seriously, get some rest,” you reassured Spencer.

After a bit of reluctancy, Spencer replied,

“Okay, I probably shouldn’t keep JJ waiting for too long. Thanks, Y/N. Don’t stay too late.”

You simply nodded and you watched Spencer walk away while looking back.

You waved, indicating that it was okay to leave.

After he finally left, it was just you, all alone. You turned off the lights in the pit, making it pitch dark, and walked into your office.

Closing your door and only turning on the light on your desk, you went to the corner of the room and sank down as you burst into tears.

It wasn’t the first time you had a breakdown. But it was always behind closed door. In the bathtub in your house. In the comfort of your bed. At the safety of your house. But today, you couldn’t hold it until you went home.

As you wept, you hoped the tears you released would somehow erase the remorse you felt. You sobbed without anything holding you back until you felt a looming presence over your crouched figure.

“Oh my gosh, Spencer. You startled me, I didn’t notice you were here,” you quickly said as you tried to wipe away the evidence of your momentary vulnerability. You didn’t need a mirror to know that it was an unsuccessful attempt.

“Sorry, I saw the light in your office and thought you’d be in here.”

“Did you forget something?” you asked, puzzled by his unexpected return.

“No, I just didn’t want you to be all alone so I told JJ that she could just go home,” Spencer said softly.

He continued, “I also saw you were a bit uneasy earlier.”

So Spencer hadnoticed.

“In fact, it seemed like you were stressed the whole day. Are you okay?” he asked.

You weren’t sure if it was the display of Spencer’s empathy again or the fact that he recognized something was bothering you when you were able to hide it from a group of profilers, but you felt the tears reappearing again and you didn’t want to hold back.

You broke into sobs for the second time that day and slowly slid back into the position you were originally in.

Spencer didn’t hesitate to join you as he sat and put a tight protective arm around you while he just let you cry.

“Am I making the right decisions? Who am I to choose who dies or lives? What if….” you trailed as you muffled all your worries into his chest.

For the first in a long time, you felt safe in the arms of someone else. You didn’t have to, or heck, want to hide yourself anymore. When Spencer held your hand, you knew.

You looked up to see the most understanding eyes, and you knew right then and there that you had found your person.

[nightswithkookmin]

Jimin is a pretty bOY

This is a continuation of our discussion on my last post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I think I agree with all of it.

Not sure how I feel about the calling eachother out bit or near scolding of others in the comments. Please let's be welcoming and respectful of others's thoughts regardless of whether or not we agree with it. It's ok to hold diverse views. We do after all come from different backgrounds and have accumulated different experiences and I think it plays out in how we see things. Everyone's opinion is valid. Plus, I purple yall.

Now, do I think he is trying to pack on muscles........? Yes. He said so himself in Festa when he said he would rush to the mirror when he thought he had gained some muscle only to find out his biceps looks like a muscled kindergartner.

He also said lately he's into exercising and staying in shape which is true because for quite sometime now since early this year he has been talking about how "weak" he is in their Vlives and have even given instances of him not being able to do certain things- certian simple and easy tasks- which is typical of him I'd say. He's always talking about how "weak" he is especially around JK and juxtaposing that with "but JK is so strong" which I'm sorry but I have to smirk at right now cos it's such a typical gay pick me simp thing to do. We've all been there.

Do I think he's trying to be a muscle bunny or revert back to his body shape around debut? Absolutely not. But I do think he is straddling the line of toxic masculinity which is what the conversation is about.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to stay in shape or even enjoying work outs. Last night I ran downstairs because I had left my stew on the stove and now this morning I called renew my gym membership because I discovered running can be actually fun to do... No. No it's not. The gym instructor would have to come for me kicking and screaming.

RM have said even though JM looks skinny and fragile he is one of the strongest within the group. Besides, this is not the first time he's expressed interest in working out and building his body- hello, on Era?

I remember people complaining he looked too buffed up in that period on SNS and PJMs quickly jumping in to clear the searches for it. The choreo for On required agility and endurance and required the members- not just JM build up some definition in their muscles.

We've seen them go through all that. So it's not simply a matter of black and white staying in shape or doing it because he feels pressured to do so. Especially, when you consider that he's undertaken some pretty unhealthy measures in the past in attempts to lose weight or soften out his body post these muscle building, weight gaining periods and we've always chalked it up to his dance and how as a contemporary dancer he has to look a certain way or this or that to try to justify and make sense of it. Next you, know there are six chapters of break the silence of him talking about all the dark places he's been, the pressures to look his best for his fans or for his job and all these other painful stories he's shared with us over the years. And it's like, but why? Why do this to yourself?

I'll never forget the look he gave JK when JK was talking about wanting to build muscles in one of the interviews for the promotion of Be- I think I made a post on it. When JK noticed JMs disapproving glare he backtracked saying he would want to stay skinny after gaining all that muscles.

I mean if I'm to be honest, he was bound to crack at one point. The signs were there being surrounded by all these men who adhere to the traditional aesthetics of a masculine body- from Namjoon to Taehyung.

I wish y'all will steer the conversation in this direction and make it more about gender norms and expressions and breaking stereotypes and diversity in the body aesthetics of men.

Jimin is a man too. He just isn't what people traditionally will label masculine. Androgynous is more an apt word in my opinion. How many times have I said, I think Jungkook hetero passes because his body aesthetics is quintessentially what most associates with a masculine man?

Breaking gender barriers is not just about embracing feminine apparels- that teeters on cross dressing quite frankly and can be a bit performative and baity. Then you have to consider their culture in itself has an inherent pro gender diversity feel to it.

Now, let me explain my problem with the Klout ad campaign a little bit.

Do you see how Tae stands out? And I'm not saying this to fuel the "Tae was their fav" debacle. It's the 007 feel... I'll explain in a bit.

Most often, alcohol advertisers as well as most advertisements intended to sell to men often try to appeal to men's internalized ideals of masculinity or try to shape and define what a man or masculinity should look like. These ideals are so often toxic and detrimental to men and mostly women too.

Take a look at these ads for example. All I had to do was google search ads for men.

Real men drink milk and look at the image they present as real men. This blatantly implies if you don't look like this, if you are not a strong cliff climbing man with abs you are not a real man.

The second image is subtle. I call it the 007 slash Kingsmen-esque ideals of masculinity. It portrays men as sexy cool badass- works out but isn't too buff, filthy rich or middle class, wears Rolex, designer clothes, is kind but has a mean exterior and is every 13 year old wattpad girls's dream of a man. In fiction, you see this kind of masculinity in characters such as Edward cullens to Christian Grey. And a lot of ads for men alternate between these two ideals of masculinity.

Do you see how they modeled Taehyung in these ads after this kind of masctheme? Tae looks the same in almost all the ads. 007 sexy cool badass.

Now, I may not be a makeup beauty guru or MUA or whatever, but one thing I've picked up on especially when it comes to makeup for men- BTS and Kpop idols mostly is that, they soften out the harsh features on their faces and make them appear more androgynous or effeminate to suit the Kpop look and they ditch it entirely in different settings.

So for instance, Tae and Kookie's natural hawkish eyebrows tend to get softened around the arch and edges- don't know how the fuck they do that- but it appears less in your face intense most times when they wear make up in kpop related contents.

However, in certain other contents that lean towards a certain gender theme those features are emphasized. Not to say hawkish features are masculine features. Just saying in men, Kpop idols, my observation is they soften those features out with makeup or surgery.

Now, take a look at JM in these ads and look at everything from his posture, make up, hairstyle and brows. It's as if someone took an eraser to his androgynousity and erased his feminine side. Take a look at his photo above and compare it to the ads.

I am not a man. But I feel the gender look they went for, intended to appeal to men, tapped into a rather outdated stereotype of what man and masculinity should look like.

What is a man?

What should a man look like?

What aesthetics of masculinity is Jimin gravitating towards now? And I'm not talking clothes, I'm talking the expression of his gender. Time and again, he's talked about how looking a certain way made him uncomfortable in the past because he was constantly fighting his feminine side. He is androgynous. Sometimes he leans more into his feminine side. Other times he leans more into his masculine side but this is the only time he's leaning into his masculinity that makes me uncomfortable to watch because like I said it bothers on toxic masculinity.

He's said whoever he was, the version fighting to look masculine, that wasn't him. So forgive me if I worry whenever i see him suppressing his feminine side and acting like 'one of the boys.' Him staying in shape is not synonymous with him erasing a valid part of himself or suppressing it. He can stay in shape, celebrate his masculinity and still be FILTER.

What I'm saying is, this not a conversation about him exercising. This is a conversation about an ad erasing his feminine side and boxing him into a narrow expression of his gender and how that might be affecting his view of himself especially in the way he's been gravitating towards a certain masculine aesthetics and how that could be toxic.

Tae has said the same thing and BTS have agreed the JM as of 2019 was the real JM according to them.They said he was that way- suppressing his feminine side, because there weren't much songs and choreos that suited him and so he had had to bend himself to fit with the others.

And so when I see him leaning a certain way I tend to wonder if his exterior environment is playing a role in that. I hope you can understand that.

He is a contemporary dancer and strength and flexibility are prerequisites for his craft. The company go out of their way to incorporate contemporary dance in their choreos for JM's sake which helps solve that problem of him trying too hard to look a certain way.

May be I'm projecting. May be my little brother is effeminate and I've always recommended Jimin as a role for him to tell him not to try to look different just because other boys look different. May be I've seen him try one too many times to kill himself in the gym trying to build on muscles and getting frustrated with himself because he ends up looking like someone else. You can't gym the queerness away. Society will never let you be who you want to be so you might as well flip it the middle finger.

These boys are being shaped by their environment. I hate to say this but the environment they are in isn't exactly progressive and the longer they stay in there cut off from the outside world...

Flying out helps. Meeting different people and being exposed to different cultures and conversations on gender expression helps.

Anywho, these are just concerns I have. Will have them till I see that's not where he is headed towards. But let's not act like these ad campaigns do not and can not psychologically impact these boys especially as these advertisers are not looking to tap into their own definition of gender and masculinity but shape it and redefine it to appeal to the demographic they intend to market to.

I think this is just a grey area for me. Rather than try to change JM to look a certain way in order to sell alcohol. I think the ground breaking thing would be to have a man who looks like JM show us how someone like him would sell a can of drink. I think that would be revolutionary.

Signed,

GOLDY

[forzalando]

The Perfect Arrangement | George Weasley | Pt. 2

Pairing: George Weasley x F!Reader AU: Bridgerton!AU Word Count: 2.2k Warnings: Bridgerton spoilers, a gross man stepping into your personal space, definitely not historically accurate bc i never mention chaperones 

Summary: As a woman in the early 19th century, you’ve been told all your life that marriage should be your ultimate goal, however, you do not share that sentiment. When the insufferable George Weasley devises a plan that may solve both your problems, how can you say no?

A/N: woohoo, part 2 is here!! not a whole lot of drama/interaction between George and the reader but some necessary developments. plus! Eloise! my favorite lady! as always, thank you so much for reading💛

“George, everyone is staring at us,” you whispered as you took his arm.

“Well, we are the most attractive couple promenading this morning, don’t you think?”

You stifled a laugh; partly because you didn’t want to draw more attention to yourself and partly because George’s ego was large enough without knowing you thought he was funny.

“Should I glare at the men staring at you? Let them know that they don’t have even an ounce of a chance?” George asked.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” you mused. “However, I don’t know how your sister would feel if every eligible man in the ton held disdain for her older brother.”

“Oh, please,” George scoffed. “You know as well as I do that Ginny is marrying Harry, it’s just a matter of time.”

You hummed in agreement, though slightly distracted by the way George held you so close. It was unnerving how comfortable you felt with him; most men had always made you uncomfortable, but never George. Even though he was incorrigible, garish, and irritatingly handsome, he never made you feel anything but at ease.

“Lord Beverly is approaching us,” George whispered, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Quick, say something funny and make me laugh, maybe he will turn around.”

“I’m not your jester, nor can I make you laugh on command. Comedy is derived from opportunity, and here, I have none, just your orders.”

“Now we’re quarreling, he’s walking even faster.”

“That’s your fault for acting like my sense of humor is at your beck and call!”

You turned sharply to face him; a scowl settled on your face and nostrils flaring. He was looking at you the same, with his eyes narrowed and a slight blush on his cheeks, whether it was from the summer heat or anger you couldn’t be sure. George opened his mouth to speak again, when someone interrupted him.

“Is this why you wouldn’t give me the honor of a dance at the Danbury ball, Miss Y/L/N?”

Lord Beverly was stood directly in your path, his hands clasped behind his back and a smarmy  smile on his face. He may have been handsome, but Philip Beverly was as horrid as men came.

“I do apologize, Lord Beverly,” you retorted, sickly sweet. “Mr. Weasley has been the object of my affections for quite some time now and I simply could not bring myself to imagine myself with anyone but him all night.”

You looked up at George and smiled, staring into the warmth of his eyes and heaving a dramatic sigh; one you hoped was the sigh of a woman in love.

“Yes, I suppose I understand your trepidation,” Lord Beverly scowled. “However, I have been speaking with your father this morning and I believe Mr. Weasley has not yet proposed, is that correct? Lord Y/L/N made it quite clear he has not received any mentions of a proposal.”

“Why, yes, of course he hasn’t. He has barely begun courting me, the season only began a week or so ago.”

“You’ve known each other for years, surely you must know by now if you are to propose, Mr. Weasley?”

George looked to you for guidance, just as confused as you at the interrogation taking place between the two of you and Beverly.

“As Miss Y/L/N said before, we’ve barely begun courting. I have always had the intention of marrying her, ever since we were children, but I wanted to make sure we are comfortable as partners, not just friends.”

“I am quite wealthy, you know,” Beverly reminded. “My family has considerably higher standing than the Weasley’s and there is so much more I could offer you than he can, Y/N.”

Lord Beverly took a step towards you, completely ignoring George standing beside you, but before you could ask him to step away, George thrust himself in between the two of you.

“If you ever so much as look at my future wife again, I assure you that you will see just how much influence my family has, Lord Beverly,” George spat. “You flaunt your money, your perceived power, when I have friends in much higher places than you could ever dare to dream.”

Philip backed away; his ever present smirk still adorning his face but he could not hide the glint of fear in his eyes.

“Well, I suppose I’ll be on my way,” Beverly grimaced.

“Yes, you shall,” George responded with a glare that would frighten even the most courageous of men.

As soon as Lord Beverly was out of earshot, you breathed out deeply. There was something about that man that made your skin crawl, more so than the other slimy, rich men of the ton.

You laughed quietly, and kept laughing until you were in a fit of giggles, prompting George to look at you quizzically.

“Y/N, what could possibly be so funny about being accosted by that scum?”

“I’m not entirely sure, I just find it amusing how intimidating you can be when you really try. You should be an actor, you know.”

“An actor? Why do you think so?”

“You played the part of a jealous lover far better than I ever could. One might believe you’re actually in love with me,” you snickered.

If you had looked at George for even a moment after your joke, you would have seen the hurt expression flash across his face. He tried to keep it at bay, but the reminder of the nature of your relationship ate at him far more than he imagined.

He had convinced himself that in time, your feelings for him would grow; how could they not when he was so sure that you were soulmates? Destined to be together for the rest of your lives? In doing so, he never stopped to think of the consequences of his actions if you were to never return his affections.

George began to wonder if his heart could bear it, because every time he looked at you and saw your beautiful smile, he felt it breaking piece by piece.

“What do you say to that, Weasley?” you asked with a smile, breaking George from his thoughts.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I was distracted, what were you saying?”

“Pay attention, Georgie, otherwise you might lose your only current prospect for marriage.”

“You’re my only prospect, period, not just current,” he chuckled.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to believe the weight behind his words was truthful, that your courtship was real and true. You’d convinced yourself for years that you held George Weasley in no higher regard than an acquaintance, but at any given moment where you were in the same room you always found your way to each other; bantering back and forth that, to an outsider, must have looked like disdain, but in your heart you knew that you held him at arm’s length to keep yourself from falling.

It had only been a week since the Danbury ball, but spending every day in secret with George (the two of you weren’t quite ready to announce to the public yet until today) and getting to know him as more than just a friend had opened your heart to frightening feelings that you shoved aside.

George Weasley had always wanted to marry for love, an ideal that you never allowed yourself to believe in and now, he was to marry you only because the true object of his affection was not an option.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. Does that…does that bother you? Do you have any regrets about what you asked me?”

“I’m not sure yet,” George whispered, dropping your hand that he had held so tightly the entire morning.

No, you simply couldn’t allow yourself to entertain the foolish fantasy of feelings, not when you had the sole responsibility of taking care of your own heart.

“Walk me home, please, Mr. Weasley.”

“As you wish, Miss Y/L/N.”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” cried a familiar voice from across the street.

You turned with a smile to see Eloise making her way towards you, her journal in hand as always.

“Thank you for walking me home, George, you can be on your way. I’ll see you tomorrow evening for the Norrington soiree, correct?”

“I wouldn’t miss it. Have a lovely day, Miss Y/L/N.”

He quickly raised your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. Even though you were cross with him, you smiled shyly at the feeling of his lips on your hand, though it slowly faded away as you realized it was all a show for the audience on the street.

As Eloise hurried to you, you couldn’t help but watch George’s back as he walked down the cobblestones towards his own home.

“How dare you? I had to hear from gossiping mother hens this morning that George Weasley is formally courting you? Not only that, but he plans to propose to you? What happened to never marrying? Does your family know? The whole ton has been talking about it!”

“I – I don’t understand, this morning was our first outing together, I’ve just been spending time with him at his family’s home. How could anyone possibly know – ”

You paused, remembering your conversation with Lord Beverly earlier that morning.

“Oh, for goodness sake. Lord Beverly went to my father this morning while I was out with George, asking about proposing to me.”

“LORD BEVERLY?” Eloise shouted, interrupting your explanation.

“Yes, I know. A horrid man, but I don’t believe he will be bothering me any longer. George practically had him running away in fear but, as I was saying, Lord Beverly went to my father and of course I haven’t told my parents of our marriage plans yet, we’ve only just begun courting, so Papa told Beverly that I have no prospects. He approached George and I on our promenade, and practically interrogated us! One thing led to another and George expressed his desire to propose and, well, here we are. Beverly must have opened his mouth and now everyone in town knows.”

Eloise stared at you blankly, her wide eyes blinking rapidly trying to process all that you had just told her.

“Are you in love with George?”

“It appears so…”

You hated lying to her, but you and George hadn’t discussed if you would ever tell anyone and who you trusted to tell in the first place.

“Well, it’s about time!” Eloise yelled in your ear.

“I – excuse me?”

“Oh, you can’t possibly tell me you’ve been oblivious to his feelings all these years. And your own! It’s been painful watching you drone on and on about how you’ll never marry when he’s been right in front of you since we were children.”

“Eloise, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What do you mean, he’s courting you and is planning to propose, what is there to misunderstand?”

“Quite a lot, if I’m being honest.”

Eloise saw the guilty look on your face and immediately her jaw dropped, memories of her sister and the Duke clouding her thoughts.

“Of all the lousy schemes to get yourself involved in, Y/N, I cannot believe you. It’s all a ruse?! Is this a common theme with the prized debutante of the season, am I missing something?”

“Quiet yourself, Eloise! It’s quite simple, George cannot marry the woman he loves and I do not wish to marry. We get along fairly well and have things in common. We figured it would be to both of our advantages if we married each other and were able to live our lives as we please without people breathing down our necks about marriage.”

“You are truly oblivious, Y/N.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“George Weasley has loved you for years, I didn’t think it was a secret. The only issue is that you’re too stubborn to look past this aversion to happiness you’ve been harboring.”

“Education makes me happy. Traveling the world would make me happy. My own wants and desires make me happy. I don’t need a man or love to be happy, I thought you of all people would understand, Eloise.”

“I do understand, and because I do, doesn’t that make what I say all the more believable?”

Your reply got caught in your throat, the weight of Eloise’s words left a heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“I see the way you look at him, Y/N,” she continued. “You’ve convinced yourself so greatly that there isn’t a man who will love you for who you are that you’re blind to your own affections and the fact that there is a man who loves you exactly as you stand before me. You’re just afraid. I never thought I would call you a coward – ”

“That is quite enough, Eloise,” you snapped.

“I will relish in saying ‘I told you so,” she quipped back.

You watched her turn swiftly and did the same; stalking into the courtyard and up the stairs to your own home, all the while pondering the words you had shared with Eloise.

Secretly, in the depths of your heart where you never dared to venture, you hoped that she was right about George’s feelings for you, and that thought scared you more than anything.

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[thecottageinthedark]

Sorting Persona 4

Here again with another Sorting Hat Chats post! This one’s for Persona 4. Full disclaimer; this is based just on the game, not the anime. Also it’s behind a cut cause it is LONG. And has spoilers.

The system I’m using is explained here by @wisteria-lodge.

The Persona 4 MC, whose name is either Souji Seta or Yu Narukami depending on which supplemental materials you go by, is a really REALLY loud Badger secondary. His power is based on making Social Links with NPCs and shifting to become whatever they need-and also on patiently grinding to level up his attributes. And because he lives so much in this secondary-plus the fact that on a meta level he’s kind of a stand-in for the player-his Primary is hard to see.

But where it gets revealed in the end is the decisive moment when the ending you’re going to get is decided. The Investigation Team have discovered that Namatame’s been putting people into the TV, and thus are assuming he’s the murderer-and it’s become horribly personal, because one of the people he did that to was Nanako, and even though she’s been rescued, she’s deathly ill thanks to the TV World’s poison.

And now you-and the MC-have a choice. The IT are baying for Namatame’s blood, ready to kill. One Badger Primary method would be to appeal to the fact that he’s a person, you can’t just kill people….but nobody’s listening. Another would be to dehumanise him and say, he’s a murderer, he needs to die for the sake of everyone-going along with all the fury of the group. A Lion would lash out too-less because everyone’s doing it and more from their own gut feeling, but that would still lead to dead Namatame. A Snake might kill Namatame because he hurt Nanako...or, in the Golden remake, if they’ve done Adachi’s social link, they might cover for him. Either way, they’d be prioritising an inner circle member.

And all of those get you bad endings. Especially the Snake choice to cover for Adachi.

What gets the good ending, the happy ending where the MC is fulfilled and at peace, is to ignore all the emotion that’s running so high, and order everyone to step back and take time to think about whether the theory of Namatame being the killer makes sense. Pounce on the niggling little detail that doesn’t fit, and realise that the assumption everyone is labouring under isn’t true. And then prioritise the actual truth over personal loyalties or emotional reactions.

Bird Primary.

Because of course. This is a detective story. Your party are called both the Investigation Team and the Seekers of Truth. Even the title song hints at it; find the truth (Bird) by getting together with others (Badger).

Yosuke Hanamura’s a young, immature Snake Primary at game start, with the selfishness typical to that. His Shadow throws that back in his face, and he realises he doesn’t like being an asshole whose secret gut reaction to murders happening is ‘well at least I’m not bored anymore now something is happening in this dead-end town’.

So he does two things pretty much at the same time; he widens his inner circle to let in first Souji and then the rest of the IT, and he adds a model on top to let him care about things outside that circle. I think it’s a Lion model-a young Lion, just like his Snake, that edges into Glory Hound, but keeps hold of the idea that you should do certain things because they’re just right.

(It’s not based on the MC, though the MC is undoubtedly his most important person, who he even calls his partner. But then, as I said, the MC’s Bird is very quiet, so it’d be hard for Yosuke to perceive it well enough to mimic it. I think it’s actually based on Chie, who is after all the inner circle member he has known longest!)

And his secondary? Yosuke’s a support guy. He lifts his friends up. His family run Junes, and he leverages that connection to create a base location for the IT and secure a portal into the TV world that’s big enough to be usable. When Teddie comes to the human world, it’s Yosuke who gives him a place to stay. He’s a Badger secondary, and again, this makes perfect sense. The Lover sorting. No wonder so much of the fandom ships him with the MC.

Chie Satonaka is LOUD and BRASH and if you are a jerk she will KICK YOU IN THE FACE. She is so goddamn Lion Secondary, and utterly unapologetic about it.

Her primary, I think, is Lion again. The reason she has gotten possessive of Yukiko (as her Shadow calls her out on) isn’t that she wants Yukiko to be just hers-it’s that she wants to be Yukiko’s knight. Saving the princess is actually a textbook Lion cause. It lets her feel heroic and brave.

But that’s not good for either of them. Damsel in distress is a shitty role, one that doesn’t allow Yukiko to be strong and capable herself, and Chie pushing Yukiko into that role is really straining their relationship. It’s also something that Chie herself knows is wrong-that’s why her Shadow accuses her of it. (“I am a Shadow, the true self...”)

So instead Chie changes gears, because oh look a new Cause just popped up! Find the killer and bring them to justice! And on top of that, there’s always sexist prats to kick.

Yukiko Amagi models Badger Primary, because it’s expected of her. Running an inn is a really Badger kind of job. She also models Badger Secondary, for the same reasons. She feels this is who she’s meant to be; sweet, gentle, socially adept, community-focused and hard-working. The traditional Japanese ideal of womanhood.

But it chafes. The weight of societal expectations feels crushing. She doesn’t want to do stuff just because she’s meant to, because people think she should. She’s an Internal Primary, and needs to follow the voice of her own heart.

And where that heart leads her...is back to the Amagi Inn, except now she’s decided that she’s doing this for herself. She needed to feel that she could actually choose to not inherit the inn, before she could realise that she wanted to run it. She’s a Snake Primary, and the inn is important to her because it’s hers.

Her secondary...actually I get the feeling she’s like Toph Beifong of Avatar, a Snake who likes to spend most of her time in neutral. She is delightfully quirky and weird, and owns that, but she doesn’t charge like a Lion and she’s comfy with wearing masks when the situation calls for it.

Kanji Tatsumi panics at the idea that he might be gay, and caretakes like a boss, and that might look at first sight like a Double Badger who’s scared that he might be one of the people he’s used to dehumanising. His Shadow screams that it wants to be accepted...but what calms it is when Kanji himself accepts it, and says that this resolution is about being true to himself. Kanji’s a Double Lion who burnt his primary because being given shit for the feminine, queer-coded parts of himself made him lose faith in his internal compass, worrying that it was leading him somewhere that he viewed as bad. Internalised homophobia’s a bitch of a thing.

Accepting his Shadow is the start of Kanji healing his primary-letting go of shame for being an oddball and telling the world to go fuck itself if it thinks it can make him conform. He does model Badger Secondary-as I said, he caretakes like a boss-but that’s more a thing he does as a gift to others. When it comes to solving problems, he charges in swinging, ready to beat up anyone from biker gangs to otherworldly monsters.

Rise Kujikawa is a cheerful, shameless Snake Primary, loving and ambitious. She became an idol to make friends, and enjoys the fame it gets her. And when she needs to take a break for the sake of her mental health, she has no compunctions about doing so.

But she needed that break because the idol life was stressing her out-unsurprisingly, it’s a really intense life. And the particular problem she had was to do with the conflicting expectations the public has of celebrities. Perfection is demanded...but so is authenticity.

Rise realised that she was face-shifting as an integral part of her career, and this knowledge sent her into a tailspin. The fans don’t like the real Rise Kujikawa-they like Risette. But who is the real Rise Kujikawa? She doesn’t know! It’s frightening! What if she’s just made of smoke and mirrors? How does she find out what’s underneath?

And the answer she comes to is that there is no real Rise Kujikawa...which is the same as saying that there is no false one. Rise is Risette is Rise, it’s all just her, adapting to the context as she needs to. She’s a Badger Secondary, and the act of performance is the true self.

And for her, that’s a good answer-it brings her peace. But now we need to talk about Teddie.

Because just hearing Rise say ‘there’s no real me’ sends Teddie into a Shadow crisis right there.

He completely fucking loses it. He’s a denizen of the TV world-he’s been immune to it all this time, never manifesting a Shadow, but this is what breaks him. And that just screams Bird Lion. It’s his Buzz Lightyear moment-or rather his first Buzz Lightyear moment, because there are two. This is the first, and he survives it by retreating into his Secondary. It allows him to bring Shadow Teddie under control...but this isn’t sustainable. He’s realised something terrible and can’t avoid that knowledge indefinitely.

And soon enough he admits it to himself (and to the MC). He is a Shadow, that somehow became self-aware. His Truth was never true. He can’t handle it, he has no idea how to even exist, and he outright tells the MC that he intends to commit suicide.

He recovers, though-and he does so because the MC tells him Nanako survived. That’s the first thing that gives him a glimmer of hope, because his Truth already had some Snakey elements in there about chosen people and ambitions. He comes back from the brink, reshapes his system to centre those Snake principles, and returns to the side of his friends.

Lastly, Naoto Shirogane, our other queer-coded character. (I’m using she pronouns for the sake of canon here-but I’m a firm believer in nonbinary Naoto, for the record.) I think she’s a Bird secondary-the only one of those here, jeez. She’s just so analytical. She’s a rapid-fire Bird too, Detective Prince working on a case, squarely in the middle of her comfort zone. But push her out of it-into a normal teenager social situation, say-and watch her squirm!

She has a Bird Primary performance, too. But performance is the operative word here. She’s trying to look adult and smart and collected, in order to be taken seriously by the police officers she works with. And she is smart, mind you, but that’s not the why of her though it is the how. It’s not Naoto who goes ‘wait, let’s think about this, we need more information’ at the crucial point, but the MC, who really is a Bird Primary. Naoto was the one to suggest doing a little vigilante justice vis-a-vis murdering Namatame.

Her real Primary is Lion. Being a detective is a Cause for her, not a Truth, and she is blazingly certain of her own sense of what’s right-so much so that she doesn’t stop and check it against other people’s. And she inspires people! She doesn’t even mean to, and certainly doesn’t know why, but she is just so cool that people flock to her and admire her. ‘The Detective Prince’ is, when you think about it, a really Lion Bird kind of title!

Her Shadow has two issues with her. First, it harps on the gender angle. Hey, self, there’s that thing about your identity that you’ve been refusing to think about! You need to go poke at it! And then it breaks down into a scared child. Self, your performance is eating you alive. You need to do it, yes, the Cause demands it, but you also need to be able to stop sometimes and let yourself have emotions!

In short:

MC/Souji/Yu: Bird primary, Badger secondary

Yosuke: Snake primary, Badger secondary, models Lion primary

Chie: Lion primary, Lion secondary

Yukiko: Snake primary, Snake secondary, with Badger primary and secondary models that start out pretty unhealthy for her. 

Kanji: Lion primary that starts out burnt and begins to unburn after his Shadow fight, Lion secondary. Models Badger secondary.

Rise: Snake primary, Badger secondary

Teddie: Bird primary, Lion secondary. Falls dramatically and recovers by shaping his system to be more Snakelike.

Naoto: Lion primary, Bird secondary, performs Bird primary

[narcissasdaffodil]

20 for Lottie x Marisol, cuz i loved their oneshot! 💕💕💕

Thank you so much for the prompt! Recently sad stuff comes more naturally to me, so enjoy this one. This is the same verse as my oneshot.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

Marisol started to make her way upstairs to the roof terrace. She wanted desperately to have some time to herself, to sit with only herself for company.

She heard voices as she passed the bedroom, and ducked into the dressing room. The voices are coming from the roof terrace, and they float downstairs. The dressing room was the perfect vantage point to listen in on conversations from the roof.

“It isn’t worth it! Trying with Marisol that is. I should just focus on Gary, she’s just treating me like a puppet on a string, pulling me along and expecting me to follow her every word. You’re lucky to have Lucas, he’s honest and clear about his feelings for you. I wish Henrik stayed, maybe then I’d have another option.” Lottie snapped, her voice clear as a bell and obviously pissed off. But she’s the one who’s new to a relationship with a girl. Not you, you’ve done this before. Your only proper relationship with a girl was Olivia, and that ruined you, losing a friendship and a girlfriend all at once. How can she be so definite, and not scared of starting something new? You struggle with commitment, Olivia burnt you badly.

“You need to be more patient, Lottie. She isn’t like Lucas, and probably has a reason for struggling so much. Have you even thought of asking her? Of trying to understand her side. Love isn’t supposed to be easy, and when you decided to go down this route, I thought you realised that. If you wanted easy, you’d go for Gary.” Livia explained, trying to placate her a little bit. Lottie on a rampage was something difficult to solve, only Livia ever had any luck with her like this. Maybe you did make a mistake. Maybe being stuck pining for Livia would be far better than whatever this is.

“Oh please. She’s so fickle. And you keep making excuses for her, despite the fact she’s hopped from guy to guy like she’s collecting them or something. Nothing’s worked out at all, maybe because they can’t stand having her psychoanalyse them. I mean, she even tried for Lucas, but he turned her down, politer than she deserved. And you forgave her for that. I don’t get you sometimes.” Marisol could hear the sound of heels from the roof, likely Lottie pacing about. Fickle? It’s not your fault nothing has worked out for you. And you’re stuck in yet another friendship couple, with Bobby. The same person who tried to get Livia interested in him by getting her involved in Operation Nope, and pretended to be offended when she was offended by it. He even tried to get you involved. Maybe he’s also sick of you, you wouldn’t be surprised. The only person you really have is Livia, and she has Lottie for a best friend so you’re only second rate to her too.

Marisol took in a deep breath and fiddled with a loose curl of hair. She could feel tears pricking behind her eyes, what Lottie was saying hurt.

“You’re being too harsh. What if she heard you talking like this about her? I know I’d be considerably pissed. Also I forgave her for Rocco, and the Lucas thing, I wouldn’t take either back also. Both her and Lucas apologised to me about that, Lucas didn’t need to, it wasn’t his fault she liked him. The fact both of them were open and honest about it made me respect them more. It takes guts to be honest about something.” Livia sighed audibly. You chose to put all your love on the wrong person it appears. Maybe you don’t know for sure if Livia would have reciprocated it, but asking her even if she turned you down in the way Lucas did would have worked out well compared to this mess with Lottie. The way she’s treating you is completely wrong, she still keeps coming for you, and everyone else lets her do it. There’s only two people who keep defending you, Livia and Lucas and you don’t understand why Lucas is doing it.

“She’s not the type to eavesdrop. Besides, I don’t really care as I regret wasting my time on her. I know she even voted Henrik out too, after the little bait and switch you had to do to keep Lucas. I don’t blame you for it, but part of me thinks I’d have been better with Henrik. She wouldn’t even have needed to tell you if she hadn’t stabbed you in the back. Not even Priya, after her stunt with Noah, wastes her time with Marisol, and Hope stays clear too. That does say something in my eyes. She’s alone for a reason, not even Bobby likes her and he likes everyone. That’s something you need to realise, how she’s completely bad news.” Lottie laughed, the sound harsh and scratching at Marisol’s ears. Wasting her time on you? That’s not the first time someone has said that, but even Olivia wasn’t so obvious when she gave up on you. Or quite as quick. You did vote Henrik out, but that was in a desperate attempt to keep Rocco, even if your decision might fuck Livia over. Thankfully she saw that coming, and actually understood your reasoning. There’s a reason you prefer your own company, you can’t betray yourself. You must deserve to be alone, it’s far safer that way. Apart from Livia, who likely only pities you.

“Wow. You’ve changed your tune. You’ve gone back to the same you were when Roccogate happened, I did hope you’d grown as a person since then. She hasn’t even hurt you, or done anything to you.” Livia appeared frustrated by her tone alone. Marisol wanted so desperately to just leave the room, but as she tried to get up from her seat at the dressing table, her knees buckled under her weight, which caused her to sit down hard on the chair. Her vision blurred with tears and she removed her glasses, watching the mascara tears drip down her cheeks in the mirror. Lottie’s broke your heart in the blink of an eye, you don’t matter to her one bit.

“Whatever. I’m not going to go over old ground with you yet again. I’ve got over it, so why haven’t you? These shoes are killing me, so I’m going to change them then find Lucas. Don’t follow me.” Livia made her way to the door, the sounds of her heels echoing against the roof.

“But!” Lottie protested.

“But nothing. You tell me that you’re not a bad person, but you turn on people so quickly. You lash out at everyone, apart from me. It appears I haven’t earned a place on your bad list so far. You’re a cruel person, Lottie. Especially in the way you talk about Marisol. I bet you wouldn’t like it if Mari was talking about you that way, yet you easily do it to her.” Livia replied while making her way downstairs. Lottie doesn’t respond to that comment, and the dressing room is silent apart from the sound of heels, and Marisol’s sobs. She is cruel. You can’t love someone like that, who’s casually cruel in the name of being honest. She has it out for you specifically too. It really hurts.

Marisol heard the click of the door, and looked over to see Livia making her way inside.

“Marisol? I didn’t know you were in here. Are you okay?” Livia’s eyes widen at the sight of her, and Marisol feels like she must be quite a mess for Livia to act that way. She stood on shaky legs and wrapped her arms around Livia, unable to speak. She hid her face in the taller girl’s shoulder, and let go her emotions entirely. Her throat has a persistent lump in it, and she can’t speak past it. Livia stroked her hair gently and the simple motion is enough to ground her, to make her feel less awful. She stayed in the same position until she calmed down enough to look at Livia.

“I...I heard both of you talking. I heard it all, I guess I fell for the wrong person, huh? I can’t be with someone who gossips about others like that. I’m absolutely awful though, I get that much. I get why I’ve gone through so many guys here, I’d be sick of me too. I’m no one’s first choice, not even Lottie’s. You’re so lucky to have Lucas, I’m glad you’re happy at least, if I’m not destined for it.” She spoke past the lump in her throat and stared down at her feet. Meeting Livia’s eyes was hard, she didn’t want to be pitied.

Livia caught hold of her chin, turning Marisol’s face to face hers, and making direct eye contact with her, her emerald green eyes piercing into Marisol’s coffee coloured ones. “No. I’m sorry, but that’s a serious load of bullshit. You’re not awful, and I’m not sick of you. Don’t ever let anyone make you doubt your worth. You’re a wonderful person in your own right, you’re gorgeous. You’re also honest, which means I value your opinions. I definitely want you to find someone, you do deserve a genuine relationship. Someone will come along who puts you first, mark my words. And you’ll know when you know. Like me and Lucas.”

“But, how are you sure? Part of me wishes it was you I fell for, that would make a little more sense. And I wasn’t asked on a date, when Lurik came in. So of course I didn’t feel any major liking to either of them. I was the only one too, then adding the Bobby thing and OP Nope, it feels like I’m cursed.”

“Uh, uh. You’re not cursed. I have a feeling you have a reason for your walls being so high, so I’m not going to treat you like Lottie. Not kidding here, if she puts up with her nonsense, then I’m dropping her friendship. Easily too, I’d much prefer to have you for a best friend. This might not help, but if it wasn’t for Lucas, I’d like you too. I understand not having any dates did sting, I get that. But if they don’t see how awesome you are, that’s their problem.” Livia taps her on the nose playfully, causing Marisol to look up at her with wide eyes.

“R...really? You mean that? You’d drop Lottie for me? I can kind of handle being second to Lucas because it’s you. That does mean a lot. Thank you.”

“Really, really. I don’t say stuff I don’t mean. I don’t like bullies. If Lottie persists, then I don’t want her around me, point blank.” Livia wiped her tears gently with a discarded tissue and focused on cleaning up her face a bit. The pressure was gentle and she focused on the feeling of finger tips on her skin.

Marisol tried for a wobbly smile, and just about managed it. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this, but the fact you did means a lot.”

“Of course. Mari, what did you expect me to do, just leave you all upset? I wouldn’t do that, and it sucks that you heard all that. Are you going to give her another chance, or is that it?” Livia let go of her chin and retrieved a pair of heeled boots, sliding them onto her bare feet. She put her flip flops back with her other shoes and turned back to Marisol.

“I don’t know. It should be easy to answer, but I don’t know. I want to give her another chance, but I’ve given so many.” Marisol tapped her hand on the dressing table, unexpectedly nervous. Be careful. Lottie could hurt you again.

[margoshansons]

Desperate Measures 15/?

MASTERLIST: (don’t ask about part ten)

Summary: Raven undergoes a terrible operation to save herself, and Finn recruits delinquents for a mission. Y/N is one of them.

warnings: surgical procedures, swearing, canon-typical stuff

notes: I’m finally back with a chapter and hopefully I’ll be able to update regularly again. Tbh, I feel like no one cares about this story anymore, so seeing it receive some new love has made my heart very very happy. Based on 2x02 “inclement weather”

***

Bellamy paced his cell, the wire digging into his wrists as he waited for another interrogation. Byrne, Sgt. Miller. It was only a matter of time before Kane decided to show up. It was only a matter of time before he had to face the man who had helped float his mother.

Today was that day apparently.

The door slid open. He had seemed taller on the Ark, more intimidating.

Down here he was just another adult who was playing with things they didn’t understand. Another adult who refused to believe them.

“How long are you gonna keep me locked up in here?” Bellamy sighed, his shoulders slumping.

Kane crossed his arms, “As long as it takes until I’m sure you’re not a threat to others.”

He resisted the urge to scoff. The only threat they faced was the grounders.

“Those are my people out there” Bellamy growled, his irritation starting to get the better of him, “I should be out there looking for them, not--”

“You shouldn’t be doing anything” Kane cut him off, tone stern, “Your time of being a leader is over.”

Bellamy clenched his jaw. His time of being a leader will never be over. As long as his people survived, he would do whatever it took to keep them that way.

The sound of metal dragging on metal caught him off guard, Kane sitting down on a lone crate, gesturing to another one he had brought over. Bellamy knew the drill.

Here came the interrogation.

“I need you to tell me everything you know about the grounders” Kane paused, inhaling, “and my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” Bellamy asked, arching an eyebrow.

Kane creased his, “You know exactly who I’m talking about.”

Bellamy decided to play his game. “I know Y/N Franco survived a bullet wound to the leg and was one of the hundred who managed to make it back home. The rest of my friends are out there, probably dying and you’re sitting here acting like the real threat isn’t out there torturing our people!”

“That’s enough!” Kane barked, teeth grit in brewing anger, “If you aren’t going to help me, then I’m afraid I can’t let you go.”

As the new Chancellor stood up to walk away, Bellamy chuckled mirthlessly, remembering what Maria had said so many times before.

“She was right” Bellamy called out, “You’re not her father.”

He watched as the Chancellor buried his emotions in a fist, slowly turning around with an ease he had only seen Y/N wear before.

The two men eyed each other, never losing eye contact as Kane sat back down, hunching over to lean in closer to Bellamy. The interrogation continued.

***

Her leg throbbed, but she could walk. The bullet had been safely removed, and she was thankful Murphy was a lousy shot. 

She was thankful Murphy had only hit the muscle.

Raven wasn’t as lucky.

Y/N stood beside Finn, watching anxiously as Abby discussed what needed to be done to save Raven.

“The bullet is still shifting” The doctor informed the mechanic, “I was hoping it would stabilize by now.”

“So take it out” She and Raven spoke at the same time.

Abby and Jackson shared a nervous look, unable to hide anything from anyone down here. No one was.

“Raven” Abby’s tone turned gentle. “The bullet is pressing against your spine, if we leave it in you’ll live but...you’ll never walk again.”

Y/N swallowed at the news. On the ark, this wouldn’t have been a problem. Zero G solved that. Down here? With grounders abundant and new threats popping up everywhere? Where they needed their legs to run? Raven needed to walk. Raven needed that surgery.

“Take it out” Raven pleaded, showing no sign of backing down from her decision. “In zero g I didn’t need my legs. Down here I do.”

Abby sighed before nodding slightly to Jackson. She felt Raven’s calloused hand snake itself into her own, eyes pleading with her.

“Will you stay?” The weakened girl asked, “please?” Y/N nodded, leaning down, her leg still hurting but she ignored it. Raven was going through much worse. She could deal with a little leg pain if it helped Raven.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She replied, brushing a hand over her friend’s hair. A weight knelt down beside her and she caught Finn staring intently at his ex, grasping her and Y/N’s hand in his own. “Neither am I” He spoke softly, his gaze never leaving Raven’s.

“We’re almost ready” Abby called, turning Raven on her stomach before lifting up the mechanic’s grey tank top, marking the infected area with a black marker. Y/N felt her breathing shift. Raven’s grip grew tighter around her and Finn’s hands, a silent plea.

The scalpel made its way to the marked area, ready to cut into her--

“Stop!” Raven cried, a tear streaking down her ashen face, fear flickering through her eyes. “I’m so scared” Her voice broke and Y/N broke along with it.

This was her best friend.

More than that. They were sisters. They grew up together. They were meant to change the world together. And now the strongest person she knew was breaking down before her eyes.

“Hey” Y/N whispered, drawing Raven’s attention away from the surgery, “Look at me and Finn.”

Understanding swirled in her dark brown eyes.

She squeezed their hands together.

She was ready.

Finn switched his gaze to Abby.

Y/N’s never left Raven’s.

“She’s ready” Finn announced.

The screams were deafening.

*** Bellamy’s blood became ice as screams rang through the small compound. What if it was Y/N? She had been scheduled for surgery. What if the screams were hers? What if she was suffering and there was nothing he could do about it?

“It’s not Sparky, if that’s what you’re worried about” Murphy deadpanned from across the room. Irritation flashed hotly through Bellamy’s body, the traitor’s voice not helping his anxious state. “She wouldn’t give them the satisfaction.”

He clenched his jaw at the statement, because against his better judgement, Bellamy knew Murphy was right. Y/N would refuse to scream during surgery, especially if it was just a bullet to the leg.

Before Bellamy could respond to the true statement, the doors slid open once again, revealing Kane and Byrne ready for another interrogation. Except this time the subject matter was one person.

The same person he had been thinking about minutes before.

“What the hell happened to my daughter?” Kane’s eyes were ablaze, searching back and forth between the two men, desperate for answers. Kane turned toward Bellamy, stalking forward, “You told me grounders don’t have guns.”

“They don’t” Bellamy spoke calmly, slightly unnerved with how desperate the Chancellor seemed. No one had ever seen him this vulnerable. Or this angry. “You wanna know what happened to your daughter?”

Kane clenched his jaw, the slightest nod answering the question.

“Ask him.” Bellamy gestured toward the opposite wall.

Toward John Murphy.

***

Y/N exhaled, wanting to cry tears of relief.

She had made it. Against all odds, Raven Reyes had survived.

“She’s a fighter” Abby pointed out later, wiping the scalpel and tweezers clean of the crimson liquid. “You all are.”

Y/N smiled shyly at the compliment, her thoughts drifting toward Bellamy. “Some of us more than others.” She murmured.

Abby froze, turning around to face the engineer. “You want to go see him.”

It wasn’t a question.

Y/N nodded.

“Please Abby” She pleaded, “If you knew what Murphy’s done, what he did to me, Raven and Bellamy, you wouldn’t have him locked up.”

The doctor sent a puzzled look before glancing between the two girls. Her mind began to weave the pieces together, an incredulous look on her face as Abby threw another glance at Y/N’s freshly stitched up leg.

“This way,” was all Abby said, pulling the engineer forward through the curtains of the med tent until she landed in front of a panel that looked out of place. “You can exit through there, your dad’s waiting out front, but this should be able to get you past him and Byrne.”

She threw her arms around the woman who had saved her and Raven’s life, grateful that she had someone in this camp on her side.

Her feet stepped out onto the grassy fields, sunlight streaming across her face, blinding her vision and heating up her face as she soaked up the yellow rays. Her boots crunched against the patches of dry grass underneath her as she managed to find the entrance to the newly dubbed Camp Jaha.

She avoided the awestruck gazes of her fellow Ark citizens, every one of them knowing exactly who she was. The poor orphan from Mecha station taken in by Marcus Kane. Before she was thrown in solitary with the rest of the delinquents to be sacrificed for their sick experiment.

Before she was sent down to die.

Alpha station was exactly the way she remembered it. Down to the last piece of scrap metal that had fallen from the sky. The metal walls confined her. Everything was too small.

She couldn’t believe she ever thought this was the biggest thing in the world.

The earth was a never ending maze, the same way she had viewed Alpha at one point, and now Alpha was nothing to her. A confining box meant to keep everyone in line.

She peeked down the corridor leading to the stockade, watching the guards, wondering if there was some way to cut the power so she could sneak in unseen.

An arm on her shoulder caused her to flinch.

She whipped around, senses on fire as she drew her fists, stopping when she met the shocked face of David Miller.

“Sgt. Miller?” She asked, disbelief crossing her features. The Chief of the guard relaxed, all the tension gone from his shoulders as he recognized the face in front of him.

“Y/N,” The chief breathed, “I’m so glad I found you. Did Nate follow you back at all?”

She froze at the question.

For the first time since being discovered at the dropship, she allowed her thoughts to turn toward those she failed. Miller, Monty, Jasper, Clarke.

All gone. 

Taken.

By grounders or something else. But it didn’t change the fact. She hadn’t saved them. She had failed them all.

“I’m sorry” She swallowed, ignoring the guilt pressing against her chest, “I don’t know where he is.”

David’s face fell.

“I broke my promise” Y/N admitted, voice thick with emotion, “I promised you I’d take care of him, and I--I failed. I’m so sorry.”

He left with a broken smile and a pat on the back. His words ringing in her head long after he was gone.

“You did what you could.”

No she didn’t. She should’ve gone after them. She should’ve stopped hiding. She should’ve tried to fight off those who would try and harm her friends. And now she was paying the price. A hand grasped her bicep and pulled her backward, pressing her against the wall, a hand covering her mouth.

Her eyes narrowed when she saw who it was.

“Finn?” She spoke through his hand, the muffled sound muted by the flesh against her lips. The long haired delinquent shot several paranoid looks behind his shoulder before whispering his plan to Y/N.

“Your dad lied about the search team. Finding our people, going after the grounders, all of it. They’re not going after our people Y/N,” Finn informed her, his eyes bugging out of his head, “So we’re taking matters into our own hands. Monroe and Sterling are on watch, you and I are going to sneak in and free Bellamy. What do you say?”

He gently lifted his hand free from her mouth to let her give her answer.

It was a reckless plan. And there’s no telling whether the grounders even had their friends in the first place unless they managed to build smoke bombs. But it was better than anything she had come up with.

It was better than staying here and failing again.

“I’m in.”

Sneaking in was marginally easier than she expected. Especially with Marcus putting several guards in front of the door because he didn’t like how close Bellamy had gotten with her. Thank whatever higher power above for secret passages.

They had kept her safe from Marcus’ disappointment on the Ark and now they’re going to help her save her friends.

“Get up” Finn instructed, Y/N using the pliers to cut the zip ties around Bellamy’s wrists, “We’re going to save our friends.”

Bellamy’s skeptical look disappeared as he rubbed his raw wrists. Anger stirred in her chest at the sight of the red lines, but she shoved it aside. She would deal with her father later. Right now her friends were in trouble.

“About time,” Bellamy smirked, turning toward Y/N, “Your idea?” She shook her head, “Finn’s, and we gotta hurry. Now.”

Bellamy grasped the pliers from her hands and moved toward the opposite wall, her anger spilling out of her as Finn finished her thoughts for her, “What the hell are you doing?”

He had cut Murphy free.

“He’s the only one who’s been to their camp.” Bellamy explained as if Murphy’s presence being needed was the most obvious solution in the world.

Y/N rolled her eyes, moving forward to meet Murphy, “You shoot me again, and I promise I will kill you.”

His response was cut off by the appearance of Monroe, “Hey, Sterling just signalled, someone’s coming.”

The four of them ducked out, closing the panel behind them as Alpha station dropped them back by the medical tent.

“You’re late” Abby scolded, David by her side as their flashlights lit up the area surrounding the gate.

“Bellamy decided to bring company” Finn retorted.

Bellamy sighed, pulling Murphy’s bonds tighter, “He’s the only one that’s been to their camp.”

The two adults nodded before handing off the firearms to the delinquents, David entrusting his own pistol to Y/N, his gaze never leaving hers.

“Find my son, his name is Nathan Miller.”

She didn’t need to know that.

She knew exactly who to look for.

She knew exactly who she had failed.

***

DM Taglist (closed): @chloe-skywalker​ @im-a-writer-right​ @clarkewithameme​ @shatteredlovesick​ @your-typical-giggle​ @rhyxn​ @amongthewildthingss​ @furiouspockettoad​ @niammain​ @cxddlyash​ @lena-davina @kaylinfayezink​ @gingerxarmy​ @super-marvel-dale​ @travelnottogoanywherebuttogo​ @nerdbookish​ @valeskasecco @strangerliaa​ @simsvetements​ @molethemollie​ @thebookisbtr​ @im-a-stranger-thing​ @jordangdelacruz​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @multifandombookstore​ @okj232 @asian-male-enthusiast​ @minigranger​ @jooheonbee​ @libraryoffandomsuniverse​ @pancakefancake​ @weird-pale-blonde-person​

[gamepanicplay]

Design Report: Immersion

How enemies help to immerse the player

The importance of in game enemies. this is a detailed explanation on how they important and therefore imperative for immersion in different styles of games.

Enemies can turn the most boring of dungeon crawlers do an exciting impactful adventure and those tense moments and exhilarating action. To make these enemies truly immersive in the gameplay required these three important steps.

·         mechanical Immersion

·         Spatial Immersion

·         narrative Immersion

 Mechanical immersion is usually associated with small Untold Stories that are found in the background. These types of stories are not converted the player by npcs they are visual cues that allow a player to interpret the story differently from what is originally presented these are usually hidden to give the players a semblance of Mystery.

I shall give you a scenario of this "you are in a big dark room all the windows are boarded up from the inside and all the plates and dishes are strewn About shattered on the floor and Scattered around, you see drops of blood leading from the cabinet leading to A Door can you see more blood Pooling under the door frame”.

There are other forms of immersion you can acquire immersion from voice clips or in game files , ones that can be found within a book or notes and most commonly from prodding at npcs and even npcs talking with each other a good example of this is how Skyrim npcs interact with each other and the player and sometimes you can acquire quests by Simply listening to npcs talking and you can outright miss this Quest if not paying attention. And these games these forms of information like they can be found as physical objects you can interact within the games you don't just get a PNG of text you actually get a three-dimensional item that you can look around for more clues.

Spatial Immersion is predominantly described with the featuring of this type experience where players experience seasons and topography of the game like far off mountain treading off into the distance that you are allowed to explore on foot, deep gorgeous that's when you fall in them you gradually increase your speed until you hit the bottom, and endless Fields where the player can experience peace with the calm sounds of nature with the gentle sounds of footsteps on grass. The best way to allow people to experience these forms of immersion or it is better if I say the best say the ways in which this shatters immersion is with the dreaded loading screens the more loading screens and the unexplained invisible game walls where the player is individually told they are not allowed to go there. The player experiences the more it pulls him out of the game.

Some of the player base debate about how far must immersion go?

Some people seem to agree that in some games there is way too much realism, and this type of realism can actually pull some people out of the game a common problem did people like to talk about is carry weights do they help immersion or do they break immersion.

Ideally, if you want a player to go through a specific area and not take any shortcuts you would use the actual enemies themselves to block the players pat through that area to gently lead him to the early wish him to experience first.

 Mentioning the enemies let us talk a little bit about the enemies and what their purpose basic is it is not that simple as enemies stopping the player from proceeding to make it more difficult it needs to be a smart placement so that you do not frustrate the player, everyone knows you cannot just drop an insurmountable wall to your player otherwise they might leave the game.

Now there are games where there extremely difficult enemies but those specific enemies specially were made like that for the purpose of that particular game and the main mechanic of the game like for example:

“shadow the Colossus” (In this game is about gigantic creatures that requires multiple strikes in specifics places while you are climbing them to be able to kill them.)

They are very important criteria to making a good enemy. For the best example, I can present where the grand majority of the ambience of the game is within its enemies Subnautica.

“Subnautica” (A game where you are free-floating through the ocean trying to survive giant sea monsters trying to eat you.)

What Subnautica has is that you first land in the safe Shallows and what this area is a spot where very few hostels to allow to spawn and until the player integrates with this new environment then he can go deeper where he could find bigger and stronger the enemies. In broader terms the enemy should be appropriately levelled of the current level of player it's ok to have weak enemies at the beginning of the game your Player does not know how to play it so you can forgive him that early And this smoothly leads us to narrative Immersion narrative immersion is someone deceiving because it doesn't only refer to immersion from the story but can also be in the way of how your characters are written a good way of doing this is when your enemies have a specific job some people called them enemy classes find the most common ones being The Archer and bruiser there are different varieties of these enemies and because of their specific abilities they look different from each other. To change the player the enemy doesn't just need to be spammed to lose all of its HP there would be intelligent ways of killing enemies with player made traps or with pre-existing traps they make the enemy Trigger.

The most important thing an enemy need memorable is personality good ways to give your anime personality are physical differences in the different jobs said they are assigned this is not just a stylistic choice this can also help players in coming up with different tactics according to the enemy you could have an enemy type does run away from the player when alone but the text to player when in a group. It is very important that is your characterisation of the enemy is very closely related to how they look and that their weaknesses are clearly visible for it to be easy for the player to realise this week point these weak points don't need to be obvious they just need to be clear.

 While making an enemy be very careful of how the enemy looks within the level design  you may you could have designed one of the most beautiful and creative enemies but it doesn't matter if they don't fit the place you've put them in or if the level is not built for them and with this you need be very careful the enemy needs to fit in the overall narrative and game play style you have created, if you have a very slow-moving game where the player needs to be slow and cautious to go through puzzles do not throw in a quick enemy where do player doesn't have time to react to it. It might be frightening yes but it could completely ruin the player’s experience.

While making the games enemies keep in mind when you are making these enemies of how they will react with each other will they be hostile, or will they be friendly or will they team up to kill the player. Enemies do not necessarily need to be hostile to the player they can also be there to serve as a problem for the player to solve.

Now let us talk about how to make a game enemy while using these four aspects difficulty, specific, personality, synergy.

 CHARACTER CREATION

 Let's begin by talking about the environment you're in some kind of cave, now let's say that at the beginning of the game this is going to be a 2 hit kill enemy, where the enemy lets you do a mistake in you getting hit by him immediately kill you the best way to convert these enemies dangerous, is by making him big and angry-looking preferably with big claws that face towards the player now we will start by doing something that will go against realism instead of making our enemy dark give him a bright colour so the player can see him early this will not make the game easier it will make the game fairer for the player.

Now we have a basic description of how the character looks, now we should ask how he will act. The enemy should be aggressive and following player true out the Maze with him giving up after a short while with more of an aggro range this will allow the player to be able to Backtrack if they are in the wrong section of the Maze.

Now we have a description of an enemy. Is only one I know you could create word create synergy with this character I would suggest small but quick anime does very little damage to the player that would not attack the player when alone what would group up and attack the player.

Another section I put focus on is by designing the characters sound like for example the addition off enemies that make insects sounds start the insect phobia of some people and for the bigger enemy large booming steps to show how large this creature is compared to the player this will also help the player not necessarily see the anime first but rather hear him first.

References

Design Report: Immersion

Cheng, K. and A. Cairns, P., 2005. Behaviour, realism and immersion in games | CHI '05 Extended Abstracts on Human Factors in Computing Systems. [online] Dl.acm.org. Available at: <https://dl.acm.org/doi/abs/10.1145/1056808.1056894> [Accessed 2 May 2021].

Youtube.com. 2017. Before you continue to YouTube. [online] Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2gIE5gyA6s> [Accessed 3 May 2021].

Frasca, G., 2010. Rethinking agency and immersion: video games as a means of consciousness-raising. [online] Taylor & Francis. Available at: <https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1076/digc.12.3.167.3225> [Accessed 3 May 2021].

Katelyn, P. and Clint, B., 2011. An Examination of Flow and Immersion in Games. [online] SAGE Journals. Available at: <https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1071181311551455> [Accessed 3 May 2021].

Calleja, G., 2011. In-Game. [online] Google Books. Available at: <https://books.google.com.mt/books?hl=en&lr=&id=KIQKV_MXvBAC&oi=fnd&pg=PP1&dq=immersion+in+game+enemy&ots=ykriU7XAE2&sig=VRgi57MxF2RLFdKMYuv_4dusnvc&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false> [Accessed 4 May 2021].

Youtube.com. 2017. Before you continue to YouTube. [online] Available at: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhU4xywyWU4> [Accessed 7 May 2021].

[bellygunnr]

silly you, silly me

X and Zero were fighting. Their voices carried past the closed door and into the adjacent hall, practically emptying it of any other Hunters and ensuring no one else would even dare approach. For the most part, anyway. Axl was hovering outside the break room, his back pressed to the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He stared at the ceiling with a dour expression unbecoming of his usual temperament, optics dim with thought.

He was the new kid in town here. The difference? He had two feet in the door of working with the illustrious X and Zero, and hadn't taken the opportunity lightly. He considered himself Zero's friend-- Zero considered him dependable, which was almost as good. He had no idea what X thought of him.

Hatred was beyond the legendary Reploid's scope, certainly, but...

Now, X's despair was palpable. It was raw enough to inspire Axl's own empathy response, his stomach twisting uncomfortably. It was his fault that the two were fighting, after all.

He had been tired of the tension between the two. He thought if he could force them to talk it out--

Well.

Axl heaves a sigh, also uncharacteristic of him.

"Fighting is not the only way to be effective, Zero. You know this," X says, his voice taut.

"It's something people understands," Zero shoots back. "And it gets things done quickly."

"At the cost of Reploid lives! Human lives! Mortality rates for Hunters are at an all-time high--" X starts, flaring, his hands pressing against the surface of the table.

"And whose fault is that? Rookies aren't in training longer than two months now, of course they're dying," Zero says harshly, waving a hand. "Not even I can fix that. And certain regulations prevent combat systems from--"

"For their humanity!" X cuts in, looking affronted. "Pre-installed combat systems have negative effects on young Reploids."

"We're not human, X, and those Rookies are nothing but fodder. They come off the assembly line dead."

"And I'm trying to change that," X says quietly. "I already have support on my side. It's just a matter of escalating it to the people who write the laws."

"But that's the problem, isn't it, X? They're people," Zero replies, but it's more of a hiss. "And we're not. They could never understand--"

"There's Reploids in the government now!" X snaps. "And the rights we implement in the Hunters are being translated on a grander scale. But that's not the point. What I'm doing is just as important as field work."

"Sure, if it got anything done," Zero sneers. The chair creaks as he slumps his weight against it; the table shudders as he rejects it, the heel of his palms pushing it aside.

Silence falls between them. X corrects the table before curling up in his own chair, face falling into his hands. Thin, mechanical fingers rub circles against his temples-- a purely human affect, nonsensical on a Reploid.

Zero still finds it endearing, but a part of him wants to hate it entirely.

(all he does is love it)

"We need you," Zero says quietly. "I need you."

"They need me," X replies, voice a bare whisper. "Everyone needs me."

"I know."

-

Axl's rolls his neck and shoulders, then focuses on the door across from him.

-

There's nothing to say. At least, Zero doesn't have the words, but he's never been good with them. He can act, though. He can act without speaking or thinking-- but everything X does is accompanied by a word and backed by a thought.

X is thinking now. He can see it in his eyes.

"I did this for me," X says slowly. "I took myself off the front lines for me."

His expression is nebulous, but his lips wobble.

"I was losing myself," he continues. "All I could see was the destruction I was causing. I was freezing up on the field. My inability to act wounded one of my senior officers."

Quietly, he speaks, softly, so softly, barely disturbing the air. Zero watches, silent.

"But I can't-- I can't do things for me, Zero," X murmurs. "So I put myself on a different tack, where I could see the progress I was making. Politics. Charity. Volunteer work."

"I speak at major events. I give speeches. I appear on television and do interviews. It's good for the Hunters on some level, of course. But Reploids like it, too."

"You don't understand how quickly I was losing hope. The field offers a very limited scope when you're ranked as high as we are, Zero. Even our patrols are in high-risk or hot zones. All I could see was the damage caused, the aftermath of dozens of conflicts. And it consumed me."

At some point, Zero's hands had migrated to the center of the table. He's gripping X's, thumb brushing along the ridge of his knuckles. Soft skin, beautifully patterned, a perfect mimicry of a human's. His own were smooth with no lines or grooves.

"There are many injustices in this world, Zero," X says softly. "I already know I can't solve every little one. But I have to try."

Just then, before Zero can find his words, the break room door swings open. Axl strides in, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy, or perhaps a wet cat. Then he pauses, as if taking X and Zero in properly for the first time, and smiles hesitantly.

"So did y'all make up, or..." Axl asks, jerking his thumb to the door. "Am I gonna have to tell everyone the break room's shut down for the rest of the night?"

"We're fine now," Zero says lowly, expression impassive.

X rubs at his eyes with his free hand. "Let's go, Zero. We both have places to be."

Axl steps aside to let them both go, noting with satisfaction that they're still joined by the hand. He was feeling awfully terrible for a minute there-- but in the end, his hunch had been right.

They just had to listen to each other.

And X still had to hear him out, too.

[blarfkey]

director’s cut, director’s choice of ⭐️Dear Fen’Harel⭐️? (Though generally speaking, I’m intensely curious as to how you develop characters because everyone you write is so brilliantly layered)

So um, this exploded. And I apologize. I am very much a character-driven writer versus a plot-driver writer. Also, how I develop characters is not a process I think about, it just happens, so this is also me finding out for myself how my own brain works, haha. If you want the full fucking three page essay this turned into, there’s more under the cut.

If not, and I don’t blame you, TLDR: I break a canon character down to their parts based on what I see in-game, I look at how their personal quest affects them, and I try to find a modern day equivalent to that. Each character has an issue they need to get past and I create situations to challenge those issues. And Ellana was created to be a foil for Solas and I dumped all my negative traits into her because neither she nor I can afford therapy so this is our best bet.

First of all, developing characters in fanfic is different than OC characters because I have a pre-set personality to work with rather than making someone from scratch. So for this, Ellana’s development is different from the rest of the cast.

For fanfic characters, obviously I look at the source material and see how they’ve reacted to certain situations and what they have canonically expressed about themselves in both deed and word. Honestly, I pay more attention to what they have DONE versus what they have SAID because a lot of characters tend to fool themselves into thinking they’re one way when they’re not (here’s looking at you, Solas).

Because DF is a modern AU, I take what I have seen in Canon (which is a lot because Bioware is very good at giving so much material to work with having all those different dialogue trees) and I apply it to the Modern Day. Some characters fit very easily – Dorian was made for Academia. Krem seems a more modern character anyway with how he constantly roasts Iron Bull. Josephine’s prowess in DA:I translates very easily to political science. Varric kind of has a modern writer’s career anyway.

Some are not easy – Solas is actually super hard for me to write in DF than he is in Thick as Thieves because so much of his characterization, his world views, his prejudices, are rooted in the fact that he is an ancient being out of time – which is impossible to have in this AU. I have crafted a sort of back story for him that might explain some things later, but it’s flimsy at best, haha.

So I’ve had to really look at what Solas is like in Inquisition when he’s pretending to be a “normal” hedge mage hermit from nowhere and how he behaves in his romance and extract from that. Solas is a nerd, he’s socially awkward from self-imposed isolation, he constantly struggles with what he wants and what is the morally correct thing to do and the temptation to be loved usually wins out over his convictions until the last second when he gets his common sense back and ruins everything.

It helps that in both DA and DF Solas is keeping a massive, massive secret from the Inquisitor about his identity that will shift the power balance between the two, so I’ve used that to guide me when I’m unsure. He still feels off to me, but it’s whatever at this point, lol. I did my best.

Once I’ve boiled a character down to their usual traits, I figure out how I’m going to have them grow throughout the fic and use their growth to help Ellana’s growth. I try to pull from their personal quests as much as I can, when I can get it to fit.

Some people, like Iron Bull, are static because they’ve already gone through their journey and have reached acceptance. I didn’t really know how to work his Leaving the Qun story line in the modern day, since it is tied so closely with war and potentially killing the Chargers, so by the time Ellana meets him, he has already left the Qun and made his peace with it. I use his static nature to help guide Ellana when she’s conflicted about her identity.

Some people, like Josephine, have personal quests that don’t fit with a modern era but I want to show them grow anyway, so I create something else for them. Right now, Josephine is mired in family drama and trying to figure out how to balance shouldering the weight of her responsibilities to her family with being her own person. That I drew from my own personal experience with being the only sane person in my family with their shit together, haha.

Or Cassandra, who is definitely NOT going to be Divine here, lol. So instead she gets to struggle with her art and how she can express herself in a way that leaves her vulnerable to scrutiny and yet can be so freeing.

Some people, like Krem, get a character arc that I think should have been explored but never was. Krem being trans is something that’s mentioned and talked about a little and never explored. I mean, he’s not a main character, so I get it. And I liked that Being Trans wasn’t his entire character. But there was no way to put him in the modern AU without his trans identity impacting some of his story and growth, even if he had already made his peace with it.

Now, I will say this upfront: I am not trans, and I haven’t had the opportunity to be close friends with a trans person, but I have done a lot of research on what trans people have said about their own experiences, and combined this with other research I’ve done over the years with other minorities and tried to put together what could be lingering insecurities for him and how he could overcome them.

I’m  definitely not saying that I’ve done this perfectly and I’m always open to any trans reader who would give me correction, but being trans was not an aspect of Krem’s character that I wanted to ignore just because I wasn’t familiar with it.

I will say that his romance with Josephine was Not Planned. It just kinda happened and I happily ran with it, haha.

Varric’s arc with Bianca is just wishful thinking because I hate her so so much and Bioware just dropped that bomb in Varric’s lap and then just lets him keep holding on to it and it’s bullshit.

The other character journeys are just ways to explore vulnerability in them that I didn’t think got enough attention in the game or I think they could realistically have even if it wasn’t in canon. Like Dorian dealing with his father. Now, in the game, Halward doesn’t have a disease and he dies unexpectedly. But I wanted Dorian to have a realistic reason why he would reach other to his estranged father in this AU and a ticking countdown to an inevitable death seemed right.

Now we get to see Dorian really struggle with this new-found connection with his father that he always wanted to have and now it’s temporary and heartbreak is inevitable and is it still worth it to him? I think Dorian has similar feelings in Trespasser when he found out his father was murdered because he still invested himself to rebuild a lost connection, only to lose it so soon after.

Zevran’s past with the Crows is also something that I really wanted to explore because in the game he is sad for a hot second and then moves on with the Warden and his newfound goal of destroying the entire Crow organization. So I wanted to see Zevran struggle with his inner worth, the fact that he can’t hide forever and his past puts his loved ones in danger, the fact that he can even HAVE loved ones and how it scares the shit out of him.  I wanted to have a character who puts on such a good front about not giving a shit about anything to hide how very deeply afraid he is. We are going to see more of this also before the story is over, lol.

Now, Ellana. Like all original characters, Ellana has a lot my personal experiences tied in her. But I originally created Ellana to fill a need for a type of character that I wanted to see with Solas and don’t really get to. I mean, I have not scourged the corners of the internet to find it so I’m sure there are other characters like her, but I haven’t found very many.

I see a lot of very beautiful, very delicate and feminine, very kind and gentle Disney Princess kind of Lavellans. I see a LOT of them. And I don’t hate that necessarily. I mean, Josephine is all of those things and more and I adore her and I sort of crack ship her with Solas anyway, in the secret recesses of my heart. And I love seeing a female character who is the epitome of a “weak” female use those “weak” traits to succeed.

But I am also not very beautiful, I am NOT delicate at all, I’m not gentle. I am not anywhere close to a Disney Princess or a Josephine. And it was disheartening to see Solas romance all these Ocs that were nothing like me after a while because it kind of gave me the message that someone like Solas, a character that I admire and def have a fictional crush on, would never want someone who looks like me or acts like me. That even with unlimited freedom in creating a romantic counterpart for him, I saw so much of what society already reinforces as an ideal that I will never match up to. It doesn’t help that Bioware’s body diversity for elves ranges is nonexistent.

So I made Ellana for me. Not because I want to hate on other Ocs or prove that mine is superior, but so that I would have something that I connected to. And I wanted to explore a dynamic with Solas that I didn’t get to see very often.

So when I first imagined Ellana, I wanted her to be strong and tall and muscular and powerful in a way that makes a lot of unenlightened men uncomfortable. I wanted somebody used to manual labor and dirt and the outdoors and solving problems with their fists and just totally unrefined because I wanted her to be the complete opposite of Solas. (So like Cassandra but in elf form, haha).

I did not want her to be soft or conventionally attractive at all. Ellana doesn’t shun femininity, because I don’t think femininity is inherently wrong, but she is uncomfortable with it and she doesn’t indulge in it.

(Just FYI I am NOT built like Ellana at all either, haha. This is the wish fulfillment part of the OC. I greatly resemble the dwarves, which is why I love them so much.)

But I also needed her to have a reason to leave home, and to have some points of commonality with Solas, so I made her a nerd. A jocky nerd who is insatiably curious and stubbornly independent. And then because I wanted Ellana to feel like a real person instead just a wish fulfillment fantasy, I needed her to grow. So I gave her all my complicated anger issues, my bluntness, my struggles with homesickness, the way I compartmentalize negative events in my life so I don’t have to deal with them just so they can bite me in the ass later, my experiences of going from a lifestyle where all my needs were met and I was oblivious to how great I had it to living with serious poverty for the first time.

And then I devised situations with her life and the other characters where Ellana has to confront these issues and learn to accept them and either move past them or learn to control them. Sometime she gains wisdom and imparts it to people like Sera or Dorian when their struggles come up. And her biggest challenge has yet to arrive, so she’s still cooking, so to speak. Ellana still has a long way to go before she really reaches maturity.

As far as her relationship with Solas goes, I wanted her to challenge him and give him a total upheaval everything he thought he knew about his own culture and his own self. And I wanted him to do the same for her. And then when all the pieces are done falling, they have grown into two people who can handle being together.

So that’s basically it. If there is any character in particular you want to know more about or why I made certain decisions, always feel free to ask!

[tap-tap-tap-im-in]

I've worked in the service industry my entire adult life, and as I've moved through the strata of it the attitudes are weird and toxic in only ways that capitalism seems to deliver. At the very bottom there's the pervasive "The Customer is always right" attitude. Everyone who's ever worked anywhere knows that just isn't true. Hell, it's not even good appeasement marketing. It's just a path of least resistance for conflict resolution that doesn't address the fundamental problem that businesses still don't have a good way of judging actual customer happiness. Surveys don't work because you're asking your customers to do work, and even if we happy with what you do, our work has more value than a coupon for a free taco or a chance at a video game console.

But if you're lucky enough to make the climb deeper into the belly of the beast, the moment you're providing something considered a "skilled" service, that mentally flips entirely on its head and suddenly customers are so inept that they must be protected from themselves (or your industry is too certain that if customers knew how easy it was they would just eliminate you all together). And this is toxic too. I honestly believe people are smart as a whole. That doesn't mean they're not gullible or wrong sometimes, but they are genuinely intelligent. Not everyone is or has to be, but it's much healthier to approach everything as if you are talking to someone who only lacks your experience until they ask or demonstrate that they require more accommodations than that.

And this lack of trust is everywhere. It's in how locked down Apple phones are, why you can't disable automatic updates in Windows 10. But in my experience, most customers don't need to be protected from themselves. They like having the option, and it should be available if they want it, but even the horror stories I've heard mostly come down to mistakes that everyone makes when they don't know better, and not things that happened because they can't understand what's happening.

I never hide information from my clients. I'll tell them what I did, what lines I changed in what files, why I chose what I did. I know the vast majority of them don't need or want that information, but it doesn't change the fact that to me when they paid for me to do the work, they deserve to know what I did and why. In this age of automated backups, and well configured permission systems I also don't discourage my clients from attempting to do things on their own. I firmly believe that the complexity of what I'm doing doesn't come from the fact that any individual act I'm doing is somehow beyond the scope of what someone else can do, but rather because of the interactions of all those simple tasks. And that kind of knowledge is less about your ability to predict (even though that can help), but more about the experience you have and the solutions you've found in the past.

Sure, sometimes I have clients that want to pay me to teach them to replace me, but there's nothing wrong with that. My experience and knowledge is highly specialized, so unless they switch industries entirely they'll still need assistance with the kinds of tasks I can charge hours upon hours for, the kinds of tasks I take great pleasure in solving, and their extra knowledge even occasionally lends new respect for what I'm doing.

But by the same token, I'm not going to sit idle while a client attempts to do something I've seen fail before. I'm not going to circumvent their will, but I will tell them about my experience and why I don't recommend it.

I don't know. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I got here and how unstable it all is. Like a lot of people this last year has been hard on me from a professional perspective (hard other ways too but that has less weight on these thoughts). The fact that I was able to build this experience with my background is entirely due to a combination of luck and privilege, and there are far too few people where I am that are willing to honestly admit as much. But even as I admit to myself that there's nothing inherently difficult about what I do, I'm not afraid that I'm easily replaceable or that I won't be able to survive if other people get the experience that I have. I'd like to make more money so that I'm in a more stable financial situation, and I want to have enough time to enjoy my life and my family. I know that one of the dangers of capitalism is how it takes those reasonable needs and dangles them just out of reach until you're nothing but a husk, but it's still how I feel.

I am worried that as I start to transition away from being perceived entirely as male, I'll lose some of the ground that privilege helped me gain. Maybe in a year I'll feel more worried about the skills I do and don't have, and have more of a drive to keep bettering myself, but I don't know. I think bettering yourself is kind of just something that happens as you live life and solve problems. If you tire yourself chasing things that might be important sometime in the future rather than just leveraging what you can already do, you run the very great risk of exhausting yourself. Maybe that's a privileged thing to think? I honestly don't know.

[abeltownshipslittlebitch]

The Eye of the Hurricane

I got this idea after listening to Hamilton and thinking a lot about how Venus Rising ended. Because of how it ended, it was heavily implied that both Five and Captain Myers were infected with the red fungus from Venus stuff, so I decided that would be a perfect angst story.

Five’s POV, 1st person because that’s the only way I can write plus it helps keep Five gender neutral. Present tense. About 2.8K Words.

Since I already said that Five and Peter totally were dating in the Venus Rising shorts in a sperate post and I’m not a bitch who backs down, that will be the stated relationship. Also, the song is Hurricane Workshop, and I took the liberty of changing some of the lyrics so please don’t be mad when you see the lyrics aren’t the exact same. This is like half-assed edited. It’s 3:20 AM where I’m at, so please be kind if you spot any errors! Thank you! Also please for the love of all things good, read the trigger warnings. This is angst for a reason!

Also I suggest reading this on a computer instead of mobile device because things are looking kind of wanky from my viewpoint on my phone, even though it was fine on my computer. So just thought I’d let you know.

Trigger warning: Character death, suicide, murder, self-hatred, guilt, guilt complex, mentions of blood, angst not with a happy ending, one use of the word “fucks”

In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment A yellow sky.

Space is not forgiving. It’s endless and dark and cold. Its beauty is deceitful. Its emptiness is ever consuming.

It takes everything in me to tear my eyes away from the endless expanse of burning stars and stifling darkness. I breathe, grounding myself. I look down at the blaster in my hand. It’s so hard to think already, my mind reeling. Bits of bliss flitter through my thoughts, reminders of home, reminders of loved ones. With each inhale come the scents of places millions of miles away. I taste honey on my tongue, hear the laughter of friends that have long since gone.

When I was seventeen a hurricane destroyed my town. I didn’t drown… I couldn’t seem to die.

They’re dead. They’re all dead.

Peter’s dead. Ellie’s dead. Steve’s dead. Amelia’s dead.

And now Captain Myers.

I didn’t want to. Really, I didn’t. But things weren’t adding up. Her speech patterns, her words, dripping with honey and faux hope. It wasn’t her. I tried to chalk it up to paranoia, to trauma-not even from the death. I’ve seen more than enough of that on earth to become numb to it, but I thought maybe I was traumatized from the horror of those creatures in the mountain. I’d never seen anything like them before. I tried to tell myself I was just overthinking, but I knew. It wasn’t her.

Neither was the red that was growing under her fingernails, the red she tried to hide from me.

But she couldn’t hide the bliss that covered her face, and I couldn’t ignore the ringing of voices that echoed in my mind. I remember home far too vividly. I remember happiness more intensely than I have in years, with colors too bright and sounds too perfect and air too clean to be real. It’s a fantasy that tries to disguise itself as something I once knew. That’s what tipped me off. It felt too good to remember.

I knew if I was infected, then so was the Captain.

That’s why I shot her. That’s why her body lays in the floor of the next cabin, covered in red fungus that engulfs her like a blackhole that engulfs that which gets too close.

My breathing is shallow. I had to.

I. Had. To.

I fought my way out. Took everything down far as I could see.

I’ve always been good at this, doing what needs to be done. Some things you just have to do in order to survive and that’s what I did. People needed me on earth to be strong, to bear the burden and carry the weighted guilt so they wouldn’t have to.

So I did.

I learned to move on quickly. I don’t feel guilty about Captain Myers. I had to do it. I don’t feel guilty.

I don’t.

I don’t.

I don’t!

My nails dig into my skin. I can barely understand the words that spill from my tongue. They feel foreign, inhuman.

I’m not guilty. I don’t feel guilty! I’ve done this a hundred times. It’s done now and I have to move on!

Anyone I lost to sickness, to pollution or war between groups hellbent on gaining food and property in a world too far gone to save-I moved on. Even now that I have time to cry, I’m don’t. I can’t. I don’t even know if I remember how.

Still my chest tightens at the thought of all we’ve lost. It betrays the lies I tell myself. I smell honeysuckles and roses when I breathe in, but it hurts. Each rose-scented inhale is met with an exhale of thorns and tightening vines. Or maybe the fungus in filling up my lungs. I’m not sure.

I took this mission to help save my family back on earth. They aren’t my real family, not by blood, but they became family. And I won’t be coming back to them. I failed them.

I already failed my family before I became aware that I was infected. Peter was my family. Peter was my everything, despite the snide remarks and eyerolls and teasing that bordered on cruelty. It was our way of acting out while remaining somewhat professional, since this job does-did-mean a lot to him.

I respected that. I respected him. And then I just stood there and watched as Steve went feral and attacked him, killed him.

My throat burns, and I almost feel relieved when I taste bile on my tongue instead of peaches and strawberries. Something akin to a cry rips from my lips. It’s ragged and raw and why am I still unable to cry, damn it?! 

I should have been faster! I should have been better!

I fought my way out. I looked up and the town had its eyes on me.

I was gifted with creativity as well as ambition. Knowing the ins and outs of basic survival saved my life and others’ lives more than once. Hydroponics, water filters, hunting, farming. My knowledge is what helped me gain friends, despite my violent tendencies and willfulness to kill to survive. Those who allied with me on earth before I joined up with Pandora Haze seemed to think my pros outweighed my cons.

They were right, especially when they found out I’m incredibly loyal to the people I call friends.

Not loyal enough, though. I let the one person I truly, deeply cared about on this mission die.  

They passed their tools around. Total strangers moved to kindness by my ideas. Took enough for me to book passage on a ship at was England bound.

The help of those around me is what gave me the resources to build different hydroponics and gardens for smaller communities. It’s what got someone at Pandora Haze’s attention too. My skills got me noticed, and when they saw how good I was at the obstacle courses and at problem solving, as well as with combat, they asked me to join with the space department because I “showed promise and seemed more than capable to help in saving the human race.”

I never saw myself as a savior of any kind. I still don’t, but they offered payment-food, medicine, tools and tech. Joining is how I met everyone on this mission, and even if fate hadn’t had led me to meeting them, I couldn’t pass this job up, not even the world is literally burning from the inside out and wars are being started over clean water and warm clothes.

One of my friends, Sam, seemed suspicious. He was afraid, mostly because we’d been together for years. He didn’t agree with some of my methods of getting supplies, but he trusted me, and I trusted him. He and I formed our alliance first and the group grew from there. For a long time we were all the other had, so of course he was concerned.

But he became less worried when I kept coming back like I promised I would.

He didn’t want me going on this mission. He said it felt wrong, that he just knew something bad would end up happening to me. I didn’t listen. I had too many reasons to go and not enough to not go.

First reason for me to go was that Peter was going. He is-was-one of the people I enjoy being around in Pandora Haze’s space program. I don’t get to see him much outside of work because it would raise suspicion, and there’s a strict “no dating between coworkers” rule that would cause us both to lose our jobs if anyone found out. This was the one way I could be around him, even if we couldn’t act like we really cared for each other.

The other reason I decided to come was because the pay for this mission was incredible. I’d have food and medicine for not only myself, but for the people in my family. Sam, Archie, Jody, Lem, Ed and his daughter-all of them. We’d be set for at least a few months. That’s more than a lot of people can ask for in the wreckage that we called home.

I fought my way out of hell. I fought my way to revolution. I was louder than our flag when it fell.

So I came here, did this mission which was supposed to be simple, supposed to be easy, supposed to be safe. I feel safe. I feel warm. It’s a deep sense of calmness that threatens to pull me under like the blackness outside would do if I were to open the airlock. I can hear the whispers even louder now, and the taste of sweet fruits on my tongue is ever stronger, mixing with the occasional chocolate I would half with Sam when we were allowed such luxuries.

I can see it in front of me-home, happiness. I still see the pain and destruction and fire, but it seems so much tamer now. There’s less chaos, less bloodshed. I look down and don’t see the stains of the lives I’ve taken in order to stay alive.

It feels good to see this, good to feel this.

That’s why I bite down on my tongue, hard enough to make it bleed, nearly hard to enough to bite it clean off. But my brain stops me, basic survival instincts stopping me from doing too much damage. I don’t have the energy to fight it, and thankfully it’s enough to bring me back down, push the voices of those I love to the back of my mind until they’re nothing but a dull buzz that resonates in my ears.

They’ll be back. This isn’t the worst of it.

It makes me sick to think that, because the voices are not of just of the people I left on earth, but the people I’ve lost.

We wrote in secret. Love letters we hid well. I fought for the people I love and defended them well. And in the face of ignorance and resistance, I fought for new systems to be put in existence.

On earth things are still terrible, people dying, people fighting over resources that will grow more scarce day by day. We won’t be able to stop what is to come. Humanity will fall. After joining up with Pandora Haze, I met many people who tried to come up with ideas to save the world, save humanity.

A smart woman named Janine always had a solution, a plan that was perfect to even the smallest detail. I never talked to her much, but I believed in what she said. She gave people hope, but not through sweet words or circling stories or empty promises. She spoke the truth, told us the work that would need to be done in order to fix things. I think she could have fixed things, had she come up with these ideas quicker. They were perfect, after all. I did whatever I could to get her plans into motion…

But even perfect plans can fail. People are too unpredictable now, all morals thrown out the window. There’s no sense of loyalty, no sympathy or humanity or humility. Venus Colony was supposed to be our big breakthrough.

And when my prayers to God were met with indifference I picked up a gun. I wrote my own deliverance!

I suppose I’m a part of the problem. I was willing to kill and destroy to protect the people I love. Many of the people back on earth have already lost the ones they cared about, so now all they can worry about is themselves. I’m sure I would have ended up the same way if I didn’t know of certain ways to survive in small communities or groups. I survived because I fought, I killed and destroyed and stole and did everything possible to stay alive.

And even that wasn’t worth it. I’m still dying, blood pooling in my mouth from biting my tongue and pain just barely overshadowing the sickly-sweet way everything feels. I can feel the red fungus growing under my fingers. I wish it hurt. I wish it didn’t feel like the not-quite soft sweater Jody knitted for me for my birthday. I wish it didn’t feel like the blanket Archie gave up to keep me warm when I had pneumonia. I wish it didn’t feel like safety and goodness and peace.

I wish it didn’t. I wish it hurt.

In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment A yellow sky.

I look down. It’s almost time. I never thought of myself as a coward, but I don’t think I have it in me to use the blaster. I don’t know why. I’ve thought about dying more than once, and most of the scenarios were violent and painful. I mean, you have to think about it in this day and age. Death has always been inevitable, but now death is always on your heels, and it will catch you when you slow down.

I slowed down here. It’s almost caught me. It’s just waiting for me to decide how I’m going to go.

There’s another way I’ll do this, I think. I don’t know if I deserve it-a peaceful death. After all I’ve lived through, after surviving this long when everyone else on this mission has died in horrendous and agonizing ways, a part of me thinks I should die painfully, slowly. It’s only fair…

But I can’t.

I was twelve when my mother died. She was holding me. We were sick and she was holding me. I couldn’t seem to die.

There are bracelets in a compartment in the Captain’s deck. I have one of them on. I don’t remember why they were created, what specific reason. I don’t remember who created them either. Amelia’s got some sick fucks working for her, which is probably why she didn’t think my body count was as bad as I believed it to be when I was hired. But whatever the case, I’m glad they’re here.

The bracelets are mechanical, and with the push of a button, needles will poke out, dig into my skin and administer a lethal drug. It’ll be quick. It’ll be painless.

It’ll be a death I don’t deserve.

It’ll be a death that was much more merciful than the deaths I’ve witnessed today.

The friend who would tell me not to do it is in the ground.

At least I’ll get to see them again. I hope I’ll see them again.

I hope I’ll see Peter again.

I wonder if I should leave a message for those back on earth. Will they even see it? Will they even hear it? Can I even trust myself to speak?

I shake my head, closing my eyes for a tad second before opening them again. No. It’s best they just get the message that Captain Myers made. It was safe. It was clean.

Besides, I don’t even know what I’d say. What can you say in a time like this?

The enemies I’ve made won’t have anything on me now.

I swallow down a mouthful of coppery blood, but even it isn’t strong enough to silence the raging voices, begging me to just give in. The fungus is becoming thicker under my fingernails. Red is clouding my vision.

It feels so good, so peaceful. All pain fades away like a distant memory.

I wish I could cry. I wish I knew what to say. I wish I wasn’t alone.

I wish this didn’t all feel so good. I feel euphoric, almost to the point that I don’t want to leave. I can see them all, feel it. It’s so beautiful, so overwhelming and crushing and amazing and I wish it wasn’t.

My breathing is shaky, but the one coherent thought I have it simple…

This ends here.

I can hear what the voices are saying in response.

“Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it.”

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.

My finger hovers over the button. I’m shaking.

I’m smiling.

I look back out at the glass window, at the stars that burn for me, someone who will never get to write of their beauty, who won’t even have the pleasure of remembering it to tell to my friends when I get back home.

I’m going home. That’s what I tell myself. I’m going home.

Space is not forgiving. It’s endless and dark and cold. Its beauty is deceitful. Its emptiness is ever consuming.

But its there, a sight to behold, too beautiful and chaotic and breathtakingly terrifying for any human’s mind to understand.

This is the eye of the hurricane. This is the only way I can protect my family.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek, and while I don’t mean to, I laugh.

“Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait!”

I press the button.

@dorkylittleweirdo​ @midwestern-runner-five​ @runnerfiveready​ @running4chaos​ @poeticllamasofdestruction @pocketsizerudy

[quicksilverlightning]

The AMA Thread

I AM HERE – to answer your questions!

Proof it’s me. Last known picture of my publicist’s happy days. The bunker I’m staying in so she can’t kill me when this goes viral. Ask me anything!

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ob-vi-ous-ly

What is your Quirk?

That's a secret!

tez-la-coil

What’s your favorite pizza topping?

Pepperoni! I can’t eat pizza very often these days though.

HonoriaB

Hi All Might! Big fan with a question I’ve wanted to ask for a long time; what is your stance on vigilantes?

I cannot legally endorse vigilantism; however, neither can I advocate idly standing by when someone needs help. If you can do something without breaking the law, do! If you can help someone without placing yourself in harm’s way, do! You don’t need to be a hero or a vigilante to make a difference.

ColorObscura

How would you advise ordinary people to make a difference?

There are any number of things you can do - volunteer, recycle, teach, learn, be present and active in your own life. Be a listener. Be a sibling. Be a friend. These things matter more than you may realize, for all that they seem small.

 MabelDidNothingWrong

Mr. All Might Sir, are you aware of the mountains of explicit fanart featuring yourself?

Yes.

MabelDidNothingWrong

Okay, follow-up question, how do you feel about the mountains of explicit fanart featuring yourself?

I accept that it’s par for the course in this line of work and I’m glad it makes you all happy. That said, actually seeing it weirds me out.

 Koreh57

What was your working relationship with your publicist like before this AMA thread?

We had a mutually beneficial relationship; I did stupid things, she spun them into positive things. The incident at Kamino Ward has had her running ragged – I have a very generous severance package prepared for the day it all becomes too much.

 pumpkins_and_spice

During your segment on Quirky Kitchen, you talked a little bit about your gastrectomy – this is a procedure that I may be going through myself in a few months. Do you have any advice or tips that you would be willing to pass on? What were the first few weeks of not having a stomach like?

First of all, let me say that I’m very sorry you’re going through this. There is still life to be had after, but it’s a massive change and a struggle to reach something approaching normalcy after something like this.

Your scenario will likely depend on whether you’re having a full or partial removal; either way, one of the best things you can do to begin preparing is to start collecting recipes. Get your friends and family to help you – make it a communal effort! There will be some things you likely won’t be able to have, at least not for a while, so enjoy them now!

Adjusting took a long, long time – it’s something I still struggle with every day. I no longer feel hunger, so I forget to eat. Get an app to set alarms and reminders for yourself. Track your progress. But most importantly, don’t forget that just because it’s not the same as life before, doesn't mean that it’s life over. There is still joy to be found all around you :)

27percentBatterylife

Is there anything you wish you could eat again?

I miss being able to digest sugar easily; I always had a sweet tooth. I fell in love with pecan pie during my time in the States, and I haven't been able to eat any in years.

 Tsunagi-the-Hungry

I realize that it’s probably Top Secret hush hush business, but what can you tell us about the villain at Kamino? Who was he? What’s his name? What was his goal? Why did he kidnap a UA student? Have you met him before? What the hell was all that about?

I cannot disclose very much information about what happened that night in Kamino Ward. What I can tell you is that the villain in question is very dangerous, and was acting as a sort of mentor to Shigaraki Tomura, the leader of the League of Villains. We do not know his name.

I have met him before. We fought some years ago; I won.

43-59-87

If you won the first time, how did he come back? Was he not incarcerated?

We were under the impression that the man was dead.

fxck0ffm8

What do you mean by “under the impression” he was dead? Was he, or wasn’t he? Is our government so incompetent that they can’t tell a dead body from a live one?

There was no body. We assumed because the medical team had to scrape his brain matter out from under my fingernails. Does that answer your question?

coffeedispenser

The scar on your left side - was it given to you by this villain?

Yes.

coffeedispenser

Would you be willing to elaborate?

Again, there are some things I'm simply not allowed to talk about. Our first bout was brutal, vicious, and destructive. It was the only time in my life I fought not just to incapacitate, but with intent to kill if necessary. Everyone saw what happened in Kamino, and that was with both of us in less than ideal shape; the first go-around was even worse.

The wound in my side occurred near the end; I literally had to hold my own organs in just to finish the fight. It was not a pleasant experience.

its_sunnie

Hello, this thread got hella dark let me just make a distraction here… do you have any hobbies?

I love movies and film! I have an impressive movie poster collection, if I do say so myself; many of them are autographed. Lately, I’ve been taking care of a few succulent plants – my students got them for me while I was in the hospital. My echeveria is growing beautifully!

 Bold-Of-You_To-Assume-I-Wont

What’s your favorite time of year?

All the seasons are wonderful in their own way, but I particularly enjoy the colors of autumn.

 ohtobeyoungagain385

Hi All Might! I’d like to hear any fun teacher stories you have!!

I have many! My students are amazing and learning more and more every day. During final exams, I took on two of the boys in a simulation match – the match could be won by either putting a pair of handcuffs on the villain (me) or by getting through the exit gate. Both of them too quite a beating, but slipped through the gate and passed with time to spare! And I have to admit, I get a real kick out of playing the bad guy – watching their faces change when they realize I mean business is hysterical.

On the flip side of things, Present Mic once accidentally locked everyone out of the teacher’s lounge. The staff were rather surprised when I picked the lock before someone could find Eraserhead.

not-a-vigilante

Okay, I need to know how/why you know how to pick locks when you can break doors with your pinky finger.

It’s wise to have a wide variety of skills; you never know what might save your life one day. Certainly, I could have broken the door down, but then we would have a broken door. It’s no good solving one problem by creating another.

 39_Bottles

Back to Kamino a moment: there was a moment during the fight where the villain said something to you, and it knocked you off your game. What did he say?

The villain I fought does not rely purely on physical strength; he is known for mind games and pulling at one’s psyche. He had a piece of information that was personally relevant to me, that I will not disclose here.

 germanhotchocolate

Is your refrigerator running?

Let me go check!

jkl04

Well? Don’t leave us hanging!

My fridge is running just fine!

 AM_FAN0112

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT IN SUGAR SUGAR CAT CAFE

EVERY TIME MR. WHISKERS KNOCKS OVER THE SALTSHAKER, I LOSE IT ALL OVER AGAIN!

 heliotrope-teacup

Boxers or briefs?

I’m sure you can find fanart for either version.

forkeepsies

ANSWER THE QUESTION ALL MIGHT

OpalescentButterfly88

The people need to know!

 Mulan-Rouge

Your run of Quirk Warrior was AWESOME! What is your training regimen like?

Thank you, my friend! I do make an effort to stay in shape – I enjoy jogging the most, but I get into the gym as well. It’s nothing as intensive as my prime years, but that’s no reason to slack off!

450-five

What was your workout routine like in your prime? What’s the most you’ve ever been able to dead lift?

Hero-ing as my day job WAS the workout! As for weight training, you couldn’t put enough weight on the barbell to accurately measure that – need I remind you that I’ve held up buildings in my career?

 wannab3h3r0

Hello Mr. Might! I'm taking the UA entrance exam next year - got any advice?

No cheating now! Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Study hard for the written test, and act the way a hero would in the practical. Good luck!

______________________________________________________________

I'm sorry to leave you all, but I'm afraid my time is up! My publicist has found me and I have to go face her wrath with whatever courage I can muster. Let's do this again sometime, shall we?

Your Former Number One Hero,

ALL MIGHT