#but even when they are healthy i need to avoid dairy like i got so sick when i ate a lot of dairy with them the last time they visited me

[gamora-borealis]

incoming rant about discussions about diet culture & body positivity i've seen online (for context, I am a fat person):

I really do appreciate people who spread body positivity and dispell myths about bmi and diet culture, but seeing people be like "well if you are craving a food that probably means your body need it!" has me a bit... concerned? like I respect the sentiment. I really do. we don't need to feel shame about what we eat. however, some of us have adhd, messed up gut microbiomes, binge eating disorder, and/or metabolic issues. like sometimes I need to tough it out and not give in to my cravings because if not I might throw up, pass out, or feel physically sick.

like, another example, I have PCOS and a lot of chronic pain. diet culture in terms of like, obsessing over calories or thinking you can't have any of a certain food is not good. however, my doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory diet plan, which is basically a packet that says "these are kinds of foods/ingredients that tend to increase inflammation in people who have PCOS or other inflammatory issues, so try to avoid these if possible" and when I do follow it I absolutely feel better than when I'm constantly eating the food that is feeding my adhd dopamine cravings. adderall sometimes helps with my ADHD binge eating, but when I ran out of it for a month because of shortages, my eating got out of control and now my gut and brain are having a really hard time adjusting back to where I was (not to mention my ADHD causes me to forget to take my Adderall a lot too 🤦‍♀️).

like, there are lots of foods being marketed to us constantly that really aren't that great for us. not that they are necessarily dangerous, but they are being made to taste as good as possible so you'll keep buying them, by corporations that do not have your health in mind. and like. if you eat "unhealthy" all the time and give into your cravings, that's okay! it's completely understandable. food is good and fun and sometimes your body does need certain things! plus sometimes the "healthier" food is wayyy more expensive or hard to make. but I just think we need to be careful making blanket statements about food when certain foods are more harmful to some of us.

like, again, we shouldn't feel shame about food or being "fat." there are fat people out there who are very healthy! however, some of us who are fat have chronic illnesses or disorders that are tied to weight gain. now, tbh our goal shouldn't be to manage our chronic illnesses or disorders so that we'll be "skinnier," the goal should be to try and manage our illnesses (as much as one is able) for the sake of our health/wellbeing. unfortunately, a lot of doctors tie weight to health, and say "oh you're losing weight the treatment plan is working!" when that really shouldn't be the indicator, or at least the sole indicator, that a treatment for a chronic illness or disorder is working. we should change that mindset. (there's so much more one could say about fatphobia in the medical field tbh).

Idk, I'm just very literal and don't like blanket statements made online without a lot of nuance or backing. I feel like there's a middle ground between obsessing over weight and dieting and encouraging people to eat whatever they want without taking other health factors into consideration.

like, even though I'm prediabetic and struggle with inflammation, I still eat sugar and carbs. but I try not to over-do it if I can (some days I just don't have the impulse control and that's alright). for example, I buy dairy-free ice cream sandwiches that have 9 grams of sugar (very low compared to most ice creams treats) and real fruit frozen pops (that have natural sugars) because my brain is always craving sugar. but they aren't as sugary as some of the other stuff out there and don't have the dairy or dyes that trigger my inflammation. I also love bagels so I eat these really yummy protein bagels. they probably have more carbs than I really need, but if I'm gonna eat a bagel for that sweet sweet dopamine hit, at least they are organic whole wheat (which is better) and the protein helps keep me full for longer. it takes research sometimes, but it can be helpful to find a middle ground between your cravings and "healthy eating" especially when you have a chronic illness or disorder you are trying to manage. but if you are struggling to find that middle ground and are just eating "unhealthy" a lot, you aren't any lesser for it. Or even if you just, never chose to try and eat "healthier," you aren't lesser for that either. you still deserve respect. we shouldn't change our diets because of judgement from others. I feel like that should be the ultimate goal of body positivity/anti-diet culture discussions.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

after i was diagnosed with diverticulitis i slowly started to change my diet. now, eating primarily whole foods isn’t always exciting but boy do you feel the difference and i lost 20 pounds in two months 🤦🏻‍♀️

Holy moly admin, I’m sorry 😥 I had to read up on that, it sounds painful. I’m glad you were able to turn your diet around and found a way to stick to it, getting older and the harsh effects that come with it is no joke. The way my metabolism changed between my 20s and 30s is such a kick in my ass. If I don’t do something active every day and even think about a chocolate shake or chicken strips and fries my ass automatically jiggles for like 2 weeks 😭

What are some main staples in your whole food diet? Like do you avoid carbs altogether or just certain ones at certain times? I find that if I don’t eat carbs (flour products, bread, potatoes, rice, pasta and corn), added sugars, processed food, dairy, grains, legumes, alcohol or oils (cooking and all fat oils and butter) 3 consecutive days each week, my cravings for the bad stuff becomes less, my inflammation goes away and I can drop at least 2 pounds a week and that’s without any working out, plus I quit caffeine period. *I’m not a nutritionist or diet expert* It is easy to maintain and each week gets easier if you stick to it, but obviously I’m human so this is not something I do all the time for weeks at a time. I’m a foodie at heart and if I want loaded nachos with a steak and bang bang shrimp on the side, I’m a do it 🤣 especially around that time of the month….but that’s when I’ll up the weight and reps in my workouts too.

you're right, i swear i turned 25 and all of a sudden shit got real 😂 i know exactly what you mean though.. nowadays i have been trying to do at least 10k steps every day (walking or jogging) and weight lift 3/week. 2022-2023 was challenging health wise for a variety of reasons and i felt like a big change was needed. ended up having surgery for my endometriosis/an ovarian mass and promptly put on a medication that basically was like a taste of menopause.. hot flashes, joint pain, insomnia, nauseous all the time.. i'm just now coming off of it and i tell you that shit made it so hard to lose weight lmao i'm hoping things will be stable off of it.

everything you said makes perfect sense to me! the longer i go without eating ultra-processed/hyperpalatable foods in general, the easier it gets and the less i crave them. this year i actually ended up buying and participating in a medical weight loss plan because i NEEDED for someone to.. basically just tell me what to eat. i wasn't technically overweight - i know how to eat low calorie and i know how to lose weight if i need to, but not in a healthy way at all. that really was what changed for me, taking their little nutritional class and receiving a meal plan with tons of details about the different groups and how much to eat each day. i realized i was eating so much MORE food - my meal plan was more than i could even manage most days, and yet i lost weight, like now i look like a different person.. it's crazy. i realize i'm sensitive to sodium and i was really inflamed, even in my face, looking back it was so pronounced. on my meal plan, i couldn't add any salt to my food, only salt free seasonings. so that was a big thing lol to answer your question about staples, it's a little tricky.. i haven't banned carbs at all, but i have reduced them a bit. for instance, i'll still have rice, but i will do 1/4 of a cup or 1/2 cup and load up on veggies. nowadays i just eat the live carb smart bread and buns. potatoes are my FAVORITE, so i just try and eat a bit less of them, corn as well. the tricky part about trying to eat as many whole food meals as possible, is that i don't want to cook a meal every single night. i'm big on meal prepping, but i don't really like to eat microwaved food. i feel like it makes food taste weird, ESPECIALLY chicken, which happens to be my general protein of choice. so i've been eating a lot of beef, eggs and cottage cheese for protein. i love vegetables so there's countless options to add in my rotation. i'm very much still learning what works for me, and like you, i'm a foodie who loves to eat. i'm never going to be someone made miserable trying to stick to a very strict diet. i want to enjoy those delicious nachos every once in a while too LMFAO

[meditating-dog-lover]

Anti-inflammatory lifestyle update

As I said earlier on my blog, I want to follow an anti-inflammatory lifestyle. For someone like me, it's absolutely possible, and I just need some fine-tuning here and there. The true area that's going to need a lot of attention, care, and modification is my anxiety. Excess anxiety and stress cause inflammation which can manifest as eczema. My anxiety is not my fault of course. The fact that I might be on the spectrum and just found that out at the age of 29 goes to show I've never knew the root cause of my random anxiety and anger outbursts and thought there was something wrong with me.

The steps to following and living an anti-inflammatory lifestyle are as follows:

Eat an anti-inflammatory diet. Eating a diet rich in berries, leafy greens, broccoli, mushrooms, sweet potatoes, fish, unprocessed dairy, sprouted or whole grains, turmeric/black pepper, nuts, chia seeds, olive oil, avocados, dark chocolate, green tea, and foods rich in fiber will do wonders. I named a few of the anti-inflammatory foods I enjoy, but there are more. Also limiting intake of sugar, processed white bread/grains, foods cooked/fried in refined vegetable oils, too much salt, omega-6 rich foods, trans fats, and processed meats like hot dogs and bacon (I don't like meat so I'm not worried about this for myself). I do want to meet with a dietitian eventually to ask about how to add on to my anti-inflammatory diet and how to indulge/eat out wisely. Because my goal is to add and not subtract, but I obviously want to limit processed foods. I notice my skin is less inflamed when I eat the above anti-inflammatory foods. My skin is not clear now, but I noticed it clear up a bit when I started drinking green tea this week.

Supplement with anti-inflammatory nutrients that are hard to get from diet alone. These include vitamin D, omega 3 fatty acids (EPA and DHA from fish), and even zinc in some cases.

Drink enough water. I already drink around 2 L of water daily. Also getting it in the form of green tea is fine (I drink plain green tea no sugar, milk, honey).

Avoid drinking alcohol. I know wine can be anti-inflammatory, but other alcohols can be terrible and I don't drink to begin with. I'm going to avoid alcohol altogether.

Avoid smoking.

Get enough sleep each night. From my experience, I need 7-8 hours.

Exercise. I walk a lot, around 8-10k steps a day. I also started exercising this week and did a no jumping HIIT workout for around 15 minutes, combined with a 5 minute warmup and 5 minute cooldown. It was a Youtube video and I felt like the difficulty was a 5-6 out of 10. I want to do some occasional workouts like this that allow me to sweat and challenge/build my muscles. But without overdoing it or experience pain. I'll go for a duration I can tolerate (15-20 minutes) and will modify, slow down on, or skip a workout I find to challenging (anything with side planks or leg circles for example). And the goal is to do these 2-3 times a week. Once again diet is way more important than exercise. I should mainly focus on my diet, and also exercise, but it's effects are not as important as that of diet. So the goal here is to exercise, but not to make it a top priority or a big challenge. I'm here to regulate my insulin/metabolic wellness, reduce inflammation, and build muscle, not to become a super athlete or power lifter.

Maintain a healthy body weight. Being in a healthy body fat/weight range maintains good health and reduced inflammation. From my experience, intermittent fasting helps so much with this. I've been intermittent fasting since last December. For 6 months straight, I want to say that out of all those days, I think I only broke my fast 4 days. A few times to take flaxseed oil in the middle of a skin flareup at night, the first few days I started IF because I got hungry in the middle of the night, on work days where I had busy mornings and couldn't eat until ~2, and on mornings where I had blood work done. Besides that I've been sticking to it for 6 months and do not feel deprived nor hungry nor dizzy at all. Even with a busy work schedule.

Stress relief. I think we all know that stress is super inflammatory. Unfortunately I do struggle with stress and anxiety and have for a long time. It's a combination of not being taught the best coping skills growing up, childhood trauma, and possible being on the autism spectrum (I'm going to do a screening for this soon). If I am autistic, then I'm going to get as much access to resources as possible so I can get the help I need. I know anxiety and stress and rigidity, social anxiety and hypochondria are going to be a normal part of my life, but I just need any help I can get.

Gut health. I've been working with a doctor to improve my gut inflammation so my eczema improves. From my experience I did notice some improvement. But at the end of the day, an accumulation of inflammation triggers it and not just 1 of these things. Gut health is one piece of the puzzle, but it is important. I'm still on the lookout for a go to routine/supplement that can help maintain good gut health. Edit: aloe juice!

Exposure to toxins. We are all exposed to "toxins" on a daily basis, including chemicals and metals. I'll speak to my doctor about this, especially in the context of liver health.

Be around those you love and avoid those who hurt and stress you out (much easier said than done and I'll add more to this).

Take steroid shots and prednisone when needed.

For now, I'll take my vitamin D, fish oil, and multivitamin. As well as the morning aloe juice.

I modified my diet this week to include more anti-inflammatory foods and am even going to try some healthy vegetarian dishes my mom and sister make. I know some people with eczema rave about elimination diets and how cutting out gluten, dairy, eggs, nightshades, caffeine, citrus fruits, and foods high in histamine cleared their skin. I know that some people out there have benefited from elimination diets, but I personally hate these diets. I would much rather focus on adding anti-inflammatory foods and limiting my intake of inflammatory foods like sugars, processed/refined oils, trans fats, and processed white bread rather than eliminating foods that random people on the internet said were "inflammatory". These foods can be a rich source of vitamins and minerals, so I'm really hesitant to exclude them from my diet. The goal is to add a lot of anti-inflammatory food sources to my diet rather than taking foods out.

There are many diets out there, but I believe an anti-inflammatory diet would be best for me to follow. Again I'm going to meet with a dietitian to get some tips and tricks on how to work with it. I've been hearing about different diets for years, but only heard about an anti-inflammatory diet last year when I went to my women's health doctor for a pelvic exam (inflammation causes bad period cramps which I used to struggle with but they've gotten better).

I already drink a lot of water daily and sleep well. I also do not smoke nor drink at all, and I'm maintaining a healthy body weight through IF and walking.

I see exercise as a way to improve my metabolic health and build muscle. It is anti-inflammatory. But it's not very high on the priority list like diet and body-weight is. But it's great for building muscle mass and sweating, both which improve overall metabolism and insulin sensitivity. I'm going to do doable workouts that are 5-6 out of 10 challenging. No jumping, no heavy weights. 2-3 times a week for 15-20 minutes including a 5 minute warmup and 5 minute cooldown.

I am susceptible to anger and anxiety, and I'm going to do an autism screening soon and will get the help I need to navigate in life. Knowing that autism may be a possibility lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders because it explains why there is something "unconventional" in the way I behave that isn't bad nor wrong nor problematic, nor is it a sign of laziness, failure, or incompetence. I know getting the help I need will help a lot with my anxiety, and therefore, inflammation/skin flareups.

I'll add more to point 12. Thankfully the people I interact with on a daily basis do not stress me out that much. And I'm happy I have a supportive community here and that I reunited with my old friends from college. I feel less lonely and empty.

My skin is getting better, and I know that adopting anti-inflammatory habits help. I know that adding anti-inflammatory foods to my diet this week (especially the green tea) and knowing that I might be autistic (lifted a huge weight off my shoulders) made me feel much better this week and my skin was less inflamed. Exercising is a great habit too. I'm going to heal and follow this anti-inflammatory lifestyle. The most challenging part will be the anxiety management and healing, which will take a lot of time. I have a lot to heal from, especially after doing a testing/getting a diagnosis. I'll be okay. My mom and sister are here to help. I also have hypochondria, which they will help with too.

[anawhisp]

So I’m back … it’s been years since I was last active on here. I got better.

But obviously, that didn’t last forever … hence why I’m here again. I’ve put on what, like, almost 15kg over these past few years? … and for awhile I was okay with it. Told myself I was healthy and I was okay with the way I looked. That was until I got sick, and now I’m living with Crohn’s disease for the rest of my life. Everything has unraveled since then.

Due to the diagnosis, I’ve had to start restricting food. Cant eat this because it triggers a flare etc, which has thrown me right back into that dangerous mindset of good food and bad food. Soon I started checking the packaging, counting macros, calories, how much protein is this? How many carbs? What’s the fibre intake and how much of that is soluble? Before I knew it I was right back where I was 6-8 years ago, and that’s when the person looking back at me in the mirror started to change.

The diagnosis and process of it all has drained me, my mental health is crumbling and it made me realise how unhappy I actually was with the way I look. I’ve tried everything since then to lose weight. I ate “healthy” based on my restrictive diet, cut out my trouble foods, everything from red meat to dairy, even most fruits and veges I have to avoid due to the fibre content and how it triggers the Crohn’s. I didn’t lose anything. I cut down my meal sizes, only ate when I was hungry and stopped before I was full, I didn’t lose anything. Started gyming regularly, surely that’ll slim me down? But no, I didn’t lose anything.

And now here I am, 2 days into a fast and writing this post on Tumblr, an app I thought I’d never set foot on again, on an account I abandoned long ago. Here I am, miserable and full of self hate and longing to be as thin as I used to be.

My life has unraveled and it’s been completely out of my hands, I want to take back control. I want to be able to control something in my life, I need it.

If I have to be sick for the rest of my life, I might as well be skinny and dainty while doing it.

[pablice]

How I Lost 30 Pounds Following a Dairy-Free Keto Diet - My Story

What Is the Dairy-Free Keto Diet? The Dairy-Free Keto diet is based on a high-fat, low-carb eating plan that avoids dairy products due to their lactose content. The focus of the diet is to limit carbohydrates and consume greater amounts of healthy fats found in plant-based foods. This type of diet can help reduce inflammation and promote weight loss while providing a good source of essential nutrients like iron, magnesium, and the B vitamins. It is important to note that dairy-free keto diets are safe and can be used by anyone - no matter their dietary background. It is important to consult with a nutritionist if making major dietary changes or if there are any allergy considerations. With the right knowledge and guidance, the dairy-free keto diet can be followed without any problems. How I Got Started on the Diet I began my journey into the dairy-free keto diet after discovering the health benefits I could gain from it. I read up on the basics of the diet, such as the specific breakdown of fat, protein, and carbohydrates I should be consuming and the need to stay away from dairy and processed food. After researching, I was ready to start the journey and felt confident that I could reach my ultimate goal of healthy weight loss. Getting started on the diet was surprisingly easy and I was living completely dairy-free within a week of starting the diet. I found it very easy to substitute dairy out of my diet and was impressed by the delicious alternatives available. I was amazed at how quickly and simply I was able to adjust to the diet. I found the transition to be quite manageable and was encouraged by my initial success. My Initial Results When I started my journey on the dairy-free keto diet, I was expecting quick results. I found that I started losing weight fairly quickly just by changing my diet and incorporating regular exercise. My energy levels increased and I was able to stick with the diet for longer because I felt better. My body composition also changed significantly, with fat melting away. I lost inches off my waist and also saw increased muscle definition. All of this progress happened without me having to resort to extreme calorie restriction or long hours in the gym. It was a significant overall improvement in my health and physique. Challenges I Faced Along the Way At first, I was intimidated by the idea of following this diet. The thought of giving up dairy felt daunting, since I had included dairy in my diet for most of my adult life. I was also intimidated by the strenuous exercise requirements for the diet. I had never been much of an exercise enthusiast and wasn't sure I could commit to the increased regimen. I discovered that even the small changes to my diet and exercise had an impact. Eliminating dairy products and increasing exercise proved to be far easier than I had anticipated. I was able to adjust my diet with a few modifications. I replaced my usual dairy products with low-carb, dairy-free alternatives when necessary. I also started adding more low-carb vegetables and healthy fats to my meals. I was surprised by how well my body responded to the dietary changes and I started to see steady progress. What I Learned About Nutrition I realized that nutrition is an incredibly important part of living a healthy lifestyle. Eating the right nutrients can help you feel energized, stay strong, and even help ward off illnesses. I developed an understanding of what food makes up a balanced meal, as well as which ingredients can help to create a healthier lifestyle. I also learned the importance of drinking plenty of water every day and of limiting my intake of processed foods, sugars, and unhealthy fats. I also came to understand the importance of timing for meals. Eating my breakfast within an hour or so of waking up, making lunch the biggest meal of the day, and having a light dinner instead of overeating late at night had a big impact on my health. I found that these strategies helped to keep me feeling energized and ready to tackle whatever my day brought. How I Adjusted My Diet to Reach My Goal In order to reach my goal and lose weight, I needed to change the way I was eating. I decided to reduce my carbohydrates by cutting out processed foods and replacing them with healthy, whole food options that were high in fat and fiber. I also replaced my unhealthy snacks with ketogenic-friendly options like nuts, seeds, and avocado. I also incorporated intermittent fasting and implemented this lifestyle consistently so that I can maximize my progress and maintain the progress I have made. Finally, I made sure to drink plenty of water and take B vitamins and electrolytes to help my body replenish its nutrients. This allowed me to remain energized and pushing through the keto diet even when I started to feel fatigued or cravings hit. By being mindful and strategic about my nutrition, I was able to achieve my desired results and continue my journey towards my overall health goals. What My 30-Pound Weight Loss Has Meant to Me Since I first started on my dairy-free keto diet, I’ve lost 30 pounds and the transformation has been life-changing. Before this, I never thought I’d be able to stick to a diet and eat such healthy, whole food meals. And with the newfound confidence and energy, I’ve finally found activities I enjoy doing. I’m not out of the woods yet - I still have more weight to lose - however the journey thus far has been incredibly rewarding. Losing the weight wasn’t the end goal, but rather the means to an end. After 30 pounds, I finally found the courage to try new things and step outside of my comfort zone. I know I can do this and that is the biggest shift of all. My Tips for Succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet The key to success with the dairy-free keto diet is preparation. Failing to plan is planning to fail, as they say. Before starting the dairy-free keto diet, it’s important to spend some time researching recipes, familiarizing yourself with the foods you can eat, and getting your kitchen stocked with the right ingredients. Taking the time to plan out your meals and snacks will help set you up for success and make sure you have the right ingredients on hand for when hunger strikes. Another key tip for succeeding on a dairy-free keto diet is finding healthy, dairy-free options of your favorite foods. There are so many alternatives to dairy now that can make your favorite meals just as delicious. For example, there are plant-based milks, yogurts and cheeses. Use these to your advantage when coming up with meal plans so you don't get bored of your food. What is the Dairy-Free Keto Diet? The Dairy-Free Keto Diet is a high-fat, low-carb diet that eliminates all dairy products. The goal of this diet is to reduce carbs and increase healthful fats to promote weight loss, improve overall health, and decrease risk for certain diseases and conditions. How did you get started on the diet? I started the Dairy-Free Keto Diet after researching and learning more about the health benefits associated with it. I then consulted with a nutritionist who helped me create a meal plan and develop an exercise regimen. What were your initial results? After following the Dairy-Free Keto Diet for just a few weeks, I noticed a difference in my energy levels and my overall health. After a few months, I had lost a total of 30 pounds. What challenges did you face along the way? One of the biggest challenges I faced along the way was finding dairy-free alternatives to my favorite foods and snacks. I also had to be diligent about counting my macros and tracking my progress. What did you learn about nutrition? Through my journey, I learned that nutrition is not only about counting calories, but also about eating the right foods and getting the right amount of nutrients. By focusing on whole, nutrient-dense foods, I was able to reach my weight loss goals. How did you adjust your diet to reach your goal? Initially, I had to give up some of my favorite dairy-filled foods, but I was able to find delicious dairy-free alternatives. I also made sure to eat a balanced diet and to count my macros in order to stay on track with my goals. What has your 30-pound weight loss meant for you? My 30-pound weight loss has meant far more than just a number on the scale. I have more energy, I'm more confident in myself, and I have a much healthier relationship with food. What tips do you have for succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet? My advice for succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet is to stay committed, find delicious dairy-free alternatives, and track your progress. It’s also important to focus on whole, nutrient-dense foods and consult with a nutritionist to ensure you’re getting the right amount of nutrients. Read the full article

[growandrecover]

hey i saw your post about eating disorder recovery and wanted to ask if you had any advice for people in recovery who have to have dietary restrictions? i have to have a restrictive diet for health reasons otherwise my body just gets extremely ill.

ive found it harder to recover when i cant allow myself to eat anything, when i have to deny myself ice cream, red meats, cheese, heavily seasoned foods and more just to feel like im not dying

oh another thing i wanted to share a resource that helped me until i couldnt let myself have everything anymore. the fuck it diet by Caroline dooner, which is very much the anti diet and is the single thing that got me thru this past year

Hi! :)

Personally, I don't have much experience with this, so hopefully this will be okay.

First off, I want to say that I'm really proud of you for still sticking with recovery, even though it's been hard for you. That's incredible!

Secondly, if you can, maybe try to stay grounded as much as you can when you have to avoid those foods. That may help you remember you're avoiding those foods not for a disordered reason, but to keep your body happy and healthy. You could also write down some affirmations to yourself when you're in a good place, so when you're not doing so well, you can read things coming from you that could ease your ed thoughts.

If you already haven't, you could try alternatives to those foods? Maybe instead of ice cream you could try sorbet (if your issue is dairy, that is), vegan cheese, or another kind of meat to make you feel like you're not missing out as much.

And again, if you're not already doing this, aside from what you need to cut out of your diet for health reasons, allow yourself to have whatever you want. I'm sure it's easy to get caught up in what you can't have, so be sure to be gentle with yourself. You're doing great!

Also, thank you so much for the book recommendation! I'll definitely check it out!

If I missed anything, or if you have anything you want to ask or talk about, you can reach out again at any time! <3

[awakeshedreams]

ink and kinks and other little things

pairing : tattooartist!JK x collegestudent!reader

setting : non idol au, established relationship au

summary :

your boyfriend ruins your day. he's got to pay for it.

Jeon Jungkook, the love of your life, chose the worst night to be a jerk.

(+ bonus, the morning after)

genre : lots of smut and lots fluff

rating : m for graphic adult content

wordcount : 8.8k

warnings : read content below unless you want to avoid spoilers ;)

content :

dom/sub undertones, pet names, food play, inappropriate use of whipped cream, mommy kink, cameo of dom jk, fem dom, breast / nipple play, sloppy blowjobs, morning after, silly chatter, lots of kissing, lots of spit, pwp, porn with a dam full of feelings, nasty and disrespectful sex, but it's a healthy and wholesome relationship, corny domestic stuff, they kiss and touch alot so what they're practically married, it's intense, guk and kookie used as nicknames alternatively, bare with me, lovers quarrel?, jungkook is blessed and packing, jungkook is a little bit of a brat, a needy brat who needs a good spanking actually, but it's fine because he loves you like crazy and he's so so smitten so we won't go so hard on him, just a little face slapping and cock strangling will suffice, lots of spit exchange going on here, not really a spit kink but it happens quite a lot here so might as well point it out, reader has had a rough week so she's going through it and MAYBE she's projecting but that's not what's important here, WE HAVE GRITTY SEX AND A LOVING RELATIONSHIP HERE !!!

a/n : this is the longest, lewdest pwp smut I've ever written in my whole life. it's outright detailed sin and erotica with a splash of fluff and domesticity and nothing more. pretty self indulgent and pretty raunchy but sweet and soft, especially in the second half. what came over me? no idea. just hope people actually like this. your reblogs mean a lot and it makes me happy when you leave a like or a comment and let me know you're thoughts and feelings and if I need to fix or improve on somethings. Soooo enjoy and have a splendid day.

-

You usually like to go grocery shopping on Thursday nights. Not a lot of people went there around these times.

They were at home or with their loved ones. Watching football or eating out or something. 

A friend of yours from college decided to tag along and be your cart pusher for the day.

'So what's it like? Having a tattoo artist boyfriend.'

You were at the dairy section.

Lowering the pack of cheese you'd been appraising, you turned to regard her with a frown.

What was that even supposed to mean?

'Is it supposed to be any different than having a normal boyfriend?'

'Of course!’ She exclaimed, as if it was ridiculous that you didn’t know something that was apparently so obvious. ‘Isn't he like... real kinky?'

You glanced away and gave it thought.

Was he?

Not that it was any of her business.

The look you gave her was a blank deadpan this time.

Your friend blinked owlishly, titling her head. 

'What’s with the look?'

'This is me telling you we're not having this conversation,' You droned, standing to chuck the cheese pack into the cart. 'In the middle of a grocery store at that.'

'Sheesh.' She pouted, sending you an accusatory glare. 'You’re no fun. Such a prude.'

You ignored her jab and idly reached for a can of whipped cream.

If only she knew.

You turned it in your hand as your friend continued to brood in the background, checking its price and content.

Just the thing you were looking for.

You smirked in satisfaction.

-

In the end, you don’t get much. Just enough to last till the weekend.

Spilling the contents onto the counter, you got to arranging.

First you loaded the cabinet then you moved to crouch at the open fridge. 

You shivered a little at the chill, distantly wondering if you should’ve worn something more covering instead of shorts beneath your hoodie as you started packing.

Some eggs... milk… a pack of bacon… cheese…. whipped cream…. whipped cream??

You paused, blinking to look around, a little puzzled. It was gone.

You could’ve sworn you just had it.

Frowning, you stood and shut the fridge before you moved to the living room.

‘Kookie?’

No answer.

You were sure you heard him come in.

Maybe he went inside.

You turned away from the empty couch and moved towards the bedroom.

Twisting the knob, you slowly opened the door.

You peeked through the crack, careful to keep your voice quite incase he was sleeping.

'Guk-'

You paused midway when you found yourself staring at a bare tattooed back. There were dots of dampness on his skin and he had a towel around his waist.

Lifting your gaze, you watched him as he rubbed his damp hair with a towel vigorously, the long, dark locks flying here and there.

He registered your presence from the corner of his eyes and turned to face you.

‘Hey.’ He greeted you with a smile, hanging the towel around his neck, 'What's up?’

You frowned.

Walking past him you grabbed him by the arm to sit him down at vanity and reached for the blow drier set there.

The machine roared to life in your hands and you got to drying his hair. The water on his damp strands evaporated as you ran your fingers through it with care.

He had a sensitive scalp.

Evidently, he moaned shamelessly when the blunt of your nails scratched him.

‘Feels s'good.’

He was slurring. That was how far gone he was. You snorted. He was so easy to please sometimes, so sensitive.

When you shut the machine down he actually whined.

‘Go put some clothes on.’ You told him sternly. ‘You’ll fall sick.’

His pout deepened and his pleading look became a deadpan.

You crossed your arms and raised a challenging brow.

‘Hurry. I want to turn the AC on.’

Knowing that would get him moving, you turned to leave. He knew you didn’t like cuddling with him when he was cold as a corpse.

'Didn't you come here for something.’ 

You started to a pause and whipped around to find him at the open closet, his back to you. 

He was just standing there, not picking anything out.

You almost groaned but then his words hit you.

Yeah. You came here for…

‘The whipped cream’s missing.’ You recalled, blinking. ‘Have you seen it?’

He was quiet for far too long.

‘Nope.’

‘Kookie.’

‘Yes.’

'If you took it for whatever reason-‘

He turned and the passively serious look he regarded you with beneath the damp waves of his fringe made your toes curl in.

His eyes were lidded, his voice deep and low when he spoke.

‘What’re you gonna do about it.’

Something stirred inside you.

But more importantly.

Your fists clenched and your pursed your lips.

A lapse of silence passed like, his intense stare weighing down on you as you tried to hold yourself steady and pull yourself together.

‘Jeon Jungkook…'

To say his abrupt burst into laughter startled you would have been an understatement. You near jumped out your skin and jolted in place when he suddenly doubled over, clutching his belly while he belted out his bouts of hearty, heartfelt laughter.

Just like that, the loaded atmosphere broke.

‘Oh god…' Jungkook straightened, eyes teary as he sighed out, patting at his firm tummy. ‘Wait, let me just,'

Beyond confused, you watched him walk over to the vanity to filter through the bottles of cosmetics lined up on its surface.

He was looking for something.

You saw what it was when he held it up. The can gleamed like a beacon and you couldn’t believe your eyes. It was the whipped cream. Your jaw almost dropped.

What the hell?

‘I was just joking.’ He handed it to you, on the tail end of his laughter, a little out of breath from the effort. ‘Here.’

Your momentary shock dissipated completely. You snatched it and you glowered at him.

'It's not funny.’

'Come on, it was, a little.' He said, snorting out a chuckle even, before a pierced brow shot up and he leaned in close to take in your expression. ‘You’re not mad are you?’

You glared at him hotly.

All traces of mirth vanished from his features.

Jungkook blinked, lips parting and closing as both his brows disappeared beneath his messy fringe completely. Now he was stumped.

‘It’s just whipped cream.’ Was his lame response to your blatant fury. It only pushed you further off the edge.

‘I’ve been waiting weeks for this.’ You hated that you were actually feeling heated enough to get all teary eyed. His eyes widen with a look of horror as he realized what he’d done. ‘How could you just… take it!’

He shot out to reach for you, calling out your name in a panic.

You moved before he could put his hands on you.

'Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook.’

You slammed the door in his face when you left.

Storming down the halls, you wiped at you eyes vigorously and sniffled.

Jeon Jungkook, the love of your life, chose the worst night to be a jerk.

-

You couldn’t help it.

You cried angrily as you haphazardly prepared your parfait.

This was supposed to be the pinnacle of your rough month.

But now you felt more like shit than you had any other day and you couldn’t even tell exactly why.

God. You hated PMS.

The bowl was overflowing with whipped cream when he came in stumbling on his feet, carrying a plead behind the way he said your name.

‘I’m sorry. Really very sorry.’

You deliberately ignored him.

'Please, I was just joking around-'

You slammed the can down, cutting him off.

What a twisted sense of humor he had. It was one of the many reasons you fell for him. But wielding it at your expense? The nerve.

'Don't talk to me.’

He sighed behind you. There was a shuffle that told you he was probably messing his hair up with his fingers in frustration. It granted you a little bit of satisfaction but not enough to drop it so easy.

He’d really fucked you up and he needed to know that.

‘Tell me, what can I do to make it up to you? I'll do anything.’  He said, capturing you attention with how defeated and helpless he sounded. You did feel a little bad. You were human after all, but something in you spiked at what he said. Your ears perked and twitched when you heard a distinct rustle followed by a dull thud. ‘Look. I’m even down on my knees.’

Your eyes widened. Stilling, you slowly turned to regard him under your nose.

His hair was a mess, his shirt was inside out and the drawstrings of his sweats were untied and loose. He looked like he hastily put some clothes on and sprinted here.

He had distraught and desperation written all over his face and it triggered something innate and profoundly base in you.

Jungkook's shoulders fell when he took in your torn up state, your face gleaming with tears, your sniffling nose red.

‘Fuck, I- I’m so sorry. I fucked up. Please… just tell me-'

His words died in a stutter in his throat when you shot out to grab his hair.

You heard him when he choked out your name, but you weren’t really listening anymore. He’d apologized about a dozen times, expressed his regret in more than words and he’d said he’d do anything to make up for getting you like this.

You were hung up on that last part.

'Anything.’ You echoed lowly, dragging your feet so you could stand in between the spread of his thighs and see his face clearly. There was a little shock there but the sincerity in his galaxy eyes always did shine through the most over anything else when it came to him. ‘You said you’d do anything to make up for it. For ruining my day.’

Jungkook swallowed, and he let out a shaky breath.

‘Yes. Anything.’ He tried to nod, but it was hard with you gripping his hair. ‘It was dumb of me, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-'

‘Shut up.’ You cut him off, sharp and pointed like the sudden slight narrow of you eyes, looking down on him. ‘I said don’t talk.’

He gulped thickly, throat bobbing, but he nodded as stiffly as he could.

Looking into his clear, doe eyes, you saw just how much of a mess you looked and you reflected on your month, your week, your day- how you got here, at rock bottom like this in the first place.

'This was supposed to be a nice day.’ You told him quietly, slowly, your voice a little small, and maybe you sounded pathetic but you didn’t care. He’s seen you at your worst. ‘I’ve been craving parfait since that Parisian café opened down the street. But it’s overpriced and I’ve got bills to pay so I thought I could just make one for myself at home once the finals were over.’ You lower lip started to wobble, cracking your mute, unbothered facade. The dam was breaking, you were about to fall apart and you couldn’t even be perplexed at the fact that after all this time, this was all it really took, but there was no time for that.

You were tired and over and done with being treated like you were just some little kid. Either unassuming or inexperienced or fun to mess around with. By your peers at uni, by your lecturers, by your friends and by your freaking boyfriend. Perhaps you weren’t helping your case, rambling like this, but you had a right to be emotional and you had to let it out otherwise you’d explode. ‘You have no idea how excited I was when I saw they brought in a new flavor of that whip cream I like. Chocolate. You know how much I like chocolate, don’t you?’

Jungkook was taken aback by your sudden rant more than anything else, not really knowing where all this was coming from, and it was a little overwhelming but he still tried to nod frantically for you to show you he understood and that he was listening, that he cared- but you gripped his hair tighter and he actually winced.

‘And still. You went and-'

You stopped yourself and bit your tongue. At this point, your body was shaking. Your insides simmered. There was a lot going beneath the surface as you stared him down, looking so torn with guilt on his knees and at your mercy.

In the end, this probably wasn’t fair. Jungkook wasn’t anywhere near as bad as everyone else around you. In fact, he wasn’t at all. He liked to fool around and he just liked stirring you up a little every once in a while, especially when he noticed you were feeling down or blue, but there was never malice or spite in any of it. It was endearing and refreshing, how playful he could be. How he liked to make you laugh and make you feel good. He was very fond of you and he showed it in these ways.

You appreciate his efforts and you cherish him with all your heart too… but today all you wanted more than anything was just to some peace of mind and a wholesome parfait after the grueling finals, and the annoying campus mates and impossible to please professors, just… all the things that made up the terrible month you had.

You managed to compress all you felt into four simple words and you finally told him.

‘You ruined my day, Jungkook.’

You could see the effect that the weight of your words had on him. He frowned, and scowled, and even shifted like he wanted to stand and hold your face in his hands and kiss his apologies into you.

'And I said I’m sorry.’ His voice came out a mix between a hoarse plead and a helpless whine as he peered up at you, his throat working a little. 'I swear I wasn’t trying to-'

‘Shut up.’ You commanded, abruptly stepping on his thigh, eliciting a choked sound from the back of his throat. Your eyes narrowed as you looked down at his stunned expression. How dare he take that defensive tone with you. ‘Open your mouth.’

You felt his muscles clench and flex tellingly against the pad of your foot. He was unresponsive for a moment, just gaping, seemingly struck, but he did as you said readily without refute before you could raise an impatient pointed brow, spreading those plump lips open.

From this point on, you were guided simply by a deep founded coiling heat that now centered in your gut, thick and heavy and boiling.

Reaching towards the counter, you grabbed the can of whip cream. He watched you while you gave it a shake, holding his gaze all the while, before you shoved the nozzle in his face. 

He didn’t even flinch. 

In the charged silence, you took a moment to really study his expression.

His pupils were blown out, his gaze heavy lidded, his chest heaving lightly, his abdomen clenched beneath the thin material of his shirt.

He was looking forward to it. Anticipating what you would do to him.

The pool of arousal threatening to over flow, spill and make you misbehave yourself only got even more intense to the point where even standing and looking down at him had wetness gathering in between your legs, where there was a dull throb- but your scowl deepened.

He could at least look a little terrified, couldn’t he? No. Instead, he looked as excited as you were. His cock twitched against your feet, extended and erect and fully hard now.

Your nipples hardened and you resisted the urge to rub your thighs together and tease him with your feet while flicking them.

Without warning, you pressed down and he actually choked a little as you filled his mouth with the cream until it was completely bottomed out.

Once it was empty, you tossed the can aside and gripped his hair tighter, angling his head higher.

The bulge at his throat trembled wildly as he looked up at you with those smoldering, lust laden eyes of his.

You leaned over, so close that your noses brushed.

‘You’re gonna make up for it? Make up for ruining my day and make it good again?’

He nodded once more and he almost choked trying to give you a verbal response, but it was muffled.

The chuckle that tumbled out of your lips was dark, a little lazy even, and you tilted your head as you took him in, your hand in his hair loosening to glide down and caress his face. 

'You don’t need to say anything.’ You told him softly, airy breath fanning his flushed face. You could feel his breath too, uneven and ragged and short. ‘You’ve just gotta be good and let me use you how I please to lift my mood. Got it?’

He nodded again, the movement jerky.

The flush dusted over his skin got deeper and deeper and it was so satisfying to see.

'Good.’ You traced his flexing jaw with a faint curl to your lips, pleased. ‘Now keep your mouth open for me while I lick it all.’

Jungkook’s eyes widened as your words dawned on him, your intentions clear as day now that you’ve said them out loud.

Now he looked terrified.

You gave him a smirk and grabbed him by the jaw to pull him in.

Your teeth clanked as you pressed forward to dip your tongue into his whipped cream filled mouth, the wet muscle dancing across the inside of his mouth and brushing against his as you licked him clean.

The kiss, if it could be called that, was wet and messy and dirty dirty dirty and it made you burn with a blaze overwhelming desire for him all over.

You gripped his jaw tighter to get him to open up wider, drank in his muffled moans as his chest rumbled against your sternum, and you tilted your head to shove your tongue deeper, greedily devouring the intoxicating taste of him as well the sweet cream. 

You had a mixture of your spit and his and melted cream all over your chin. It dribbled down his, trickling down his front and staining his lap.

When you pulled away, licking your lips after nibbling on him, he was panting.

You brushed you thumb over his bottom lip, bruised and raw, your hand taking a gentler touch from the previous firm clutch to hold his face. Your eyes flickered to his and you found him watching you intently, his eyes almost black and entirely misty with desire.

He was breathing heavy, his ribs expanding and deflating dramatically where you were pressed. You could feel the pound of his heart, strong and fast and almost deafening.

Or was that yours?

Hard to tell.

'What's with that look.’ You huffed in mock derision, trying to mask the fact that you were just as debauched and fucked out as he was, if not even more. You were dripping down your legs and if you let him look elsewhere and lower his gaze, he would be able to make out the clear shape of your nipples poking through your too, stiff and aching and begging for attention, not unlike his cock, that pulsed and bobbed and swelled within the confine if his sweats. 'I haven’t even done anything yet. Are you scared?’

Jungkook’s lids fluttered and he leaned into your touch, nuzzling into your palm. 'Are you gonna punish me?’ he asked in a slurred husk, eyes unfocused and bleary but clearly darkened and trained on you. ‘Teach me a lesson for misbehaving?’

He looked irresistible and unreal like this, his hair still slightly damp but with sweat instead of water, his lips berry in shade and plump, his skin prettily pink and his entire body just pressing into yours so needily, saying such unfathomable things in that sensually raspy, panty dropping voice of his.

‘I should shouldn’t I.’ You mumbled your agreement airily. You noticed distantly that even you were struggling to breath now, trailing your fingers lower, stroking the shaky bulge at his throat almost idly. ‘You deserve the worst for ruining my day. Or else you’ll never learn.’

Your fingers abruptly closed around his neck.

Jungkook’s breath hitched and he seriously began to choke.

He stuttered out your name in a gruff cough.

You tightened it, feeling his pulse jump.

He continued to seem struggle to breath, but he try to dislodge your hold on him. 

Just like he didn’t try to reach for you and hold you like he always did when you kissed earlier…

Oh, you could’ve fallen to your knees.

But this wasn’t that kind of day. You were in charge today. You held back letting out a shaky, faint breath in favor of lifting your chin in an attempt to look imposing, domineering.

'What did I say?’ You demanded in a sultry purr. ‘Keep your mouth shut unless I tell you open it.’

Jungkook made a strangled sound in the back of his throat, guttural and needy and raw as he fought to keep his barely open eyes on you and not rolling to the back of his head.

You tilted your head sideways, thumb massaging his pulse as you took in just how frazzled and hopeless he looked in front of you.

'I don’t know… will this really be enough? Will you really learn from this?’

Jungkook looked like he really wanted to say something but he was smart, biting down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood as he fought to hold your demanding gaze, even as his knees shuffled in challenge against the floor.

You frowned and reached to brush the trickle of blood with you thumb gently.

'You're gonna hurt yourself trying to be good…' you hummed in a drawl, lips unwittingly falling in the corners even as arousal filled you. ‘Do you want to please me that bad? Huh?’

Jungkook just heaved, plump lips parted uselessly as his lids fluttered weakly.

Loosening your grip a little on his throat, you licked the scarlet of your thumb with an expectant brow raised, making sure to flick your tongue sensually, your eyes flickering to his.

'I asked you a question.’

‘Yes!’ He rasped throatily, breathing heavy as air flowed into him again, gasping out your name. ‘Yes, Please, I-'

You tightened your grip in warning, making him choke on his words.

‘No.’ You shook your head, squinting your eyes in disapproval as you admonished him. ‘You don’t get to call me by my name after what you did. Try again.’

You loosened your grip once more, looking at him expectantly.

You could only imagine how you looked in his eyes. Manic probably. You wanted him and you wanted this to the point of insanity right now.

Jungkook swallowed, gazing up at you with a longing look in his sea glass eyes.

'Mommy,' he rasped and you felt your insides flip and curl along with your toes, into the strong muscle at his thigh and the floor. ‘I’m sorry for being bad. Punish me so I can learn… teach me how to be good. Please, Mommy.’

There it was.

Your lips stretched in a s smile for him and rewarded him with a peck.

‘That’s right.’ You said. ‘I know deep down inside, you’re a good boy. Aren’t you?’

‘Yes.’ He nodded, head lolling almost as he shimmed on his knees to get impossibly close to you, drinking in your every praise. ‘For you Mommy. Just for you. Please-'

'Shh.’ You hushed him gently. He was getting too excited now. It was cute to see him like this but there was a role you were trying to play here. ‘That’s enough now. I'm still mad at you, Jungkook. Even if you beg like this, I can’t let it go so easy.’

You straightened to put some distance between your bodies and started unzipping your top.

His dark eyes watched you closely, unblinking and absolutely enraptured. When the seams fell apart, you saw the way his throat bobbed, how the veins popped at his neck as he tried to hold himself together while he stared at the smooth and soft swell of your tits.

‘What you did was so bad.’ You chided him softly, sinking to your knees before him. His eyes darted away from your chest to yours in question and you gave him a wordless, coy smile as you looked up at him, delighting in how his stance faltered for a moment when you reached over to stroke him over his pants. ‘You need to make up for it, Kookie.’

He looked down to watch where you were touching him and you clasped his chin to redirect his attention.

'Eyes on me.’ You said. ‘This is part of your punishment.’

Jungkook nodded and held your heavy gaze lidded gaze even as you reached into to his sweats to retrieve his erection and jerked him off.

You could feel him tremble with restraint, and he twitched persistently in your hand as he panted breathlessly, the flush on him only deepening more and more as a sheen of sweat formed over his skin.

'So hard…' You said, thumbing his leaking slit slowly. Your fingers could barely meet around his girth, he was more than well endowed and generously packing, tall in height and thick. There was a lot of ground to cover and you tried to be thorough about it, making sure no patch of sensitive skin was left out. You used some of his pre-cum as lubricant and even let a little spit to dribble down your chin onto him to make an easy glide as you stroked him from base to tip. He shuddered and whimpered. ‘Does it hurt?’

'N-no. Feels good- when you-'

‘When I?’ You tilted your head.

'When you-when you use your thumb-'

‘Like this?’

You stroked him down the slit where a jutting vein was slowly and he went feral.

'Fuck!’ He groaned, hips snapping, biceps bulging as his fists tightened around nothing where they dug and crushed into the floor. ‘Yes!’

'It's not supposed to feel good though.’ You droned with a little laugh and you saw when it flashed in his eyes. Unadulterated dread. It thrilled you a little and it made you bold. ‘It’s supposed to feel like hell. Because I’m punishing you after all.’

Then you dipped your head and took him in your mouth and immediately he started thrusting up.

You moved back to pull yourself off him with a wet pop and shot him a hard look. ‘Don’t move.’ You told him harshly, lips glistening with a bit of his pre-cum and your saliva. ‘And keep your hands to yourself.’

He nodded erratically, so ready to acquiesce and abide.

‘Okay…’ It came out as a groan through his gritted teeth, his jaw tense. Oh. You mused. What’s this? He was getting impatient? Restless? Frustrated? ‘Please just- ugh!’

You put your mouth on his cock again, planting wet kisses and licking around the base, tracing the pulsing veiny lines with your tongue and his head fell back. His nails dug into his palms, cutting skin as he tried to control the urge to roll his hips into your mouth while you sucked him off slow and sloppy.

He stuttered out your name only to stumble when you squeezed his balls pointedly at his slip of tongue. ‘Mommy- fuck- I’m close.’

You peered up at him and almost creamed yourself on the spot. He looked so debauched.

You increased your vigor, massaging his heavy balls in your hands until it became impossible for him to breath as you bobbed your head up and down on his tip, rolling your tongue over the sensitive head.

He released hoarse sounds as you coated his shaft with your saliva, strained and strangled, crosses between whimpers and moans.

Adjusting your position and spreading your knees, you grasped him at the base and opened your lips up. You held his gaze, engulfing his cock into your mouth and you hummed as he glided into you until his tip hit the back of your throat.

Jungkook murmured weakly, near delirious, cock throbbing wildly inside of you as he took in the sight. Of your lips stretched around his cock. At the exhilarating sensation of your warm mouth and your tight throat clutching him in a snatch.

His hands sought your hair, startling you, tightening, and before you could even comprehend what was happening, he began drawing you back and forth, in and out. He thrust his cock into and out of your mouth, chest thrumming at the view of him entering and exiting the tight purse of your plump lips, glistening with your spit.

Shutting his eyes tight, he began bucking his hips sharply, fucking your face with a punishing ferocity as he gripped you tightly and threw his head further back, mouth hanging open. His balls slapped against your chin, and you gagged on his cock at the change in pace, gripping at his thighs for purchase. It only aroused him more, made him flex his hips with even more zest and zeal.

Chancing you a glance, he found you looking out of this world ravishing.

Your teary eyes fluttered, tear tracks staining your flushed, hollowed cheeks. You clutched him snug with those plump, juicy lips, even as you gurgled on his cock.

Releasing a rough groan, he flexed his hips harshly and brought you forward onto his cock until your nose pressed into his abdomen and he slipped as deep into your throat as he could go. His thighs clenched beneath your palms as he released a low curse, muttering absolute nonsense, and his cock pulsed tellingly and he couldn’t help but jerk further in as his abdomen clenched and he tasted it on his tongue as felt it on his bones-

Only to fall hitting the ground hard when you abruptly pulled away.

His eyes shot open, bleary as they blinked at you, while he heaved heavily, wide in disbelief, stumbling over his tongue stuttering your name.

‘Why would you-'

A harsh slap had his head snapping sideways.

‘That.’ You snapped, heaving over yourself with tears and snot and spit all over your face. God, you could finally breathe again. Your scalp tingled a little from where he’d grabbed you and it was pleasant but today was not that kind of a day. Your scowl deepened. ‘And I told you not to move. But you did.’

Jungkook could do nothing but release a broken sound as his eyes watered and your look turned a little wry, some of the vexation in you simmering down.

You hated seeing him get like this. He just wanted you that bad and he acted out because of it. You knew where he was coming from. You felt the same.

Getting your hair out of your face, you straddled his lap, held his face to lift his hanging head and made him look straight at you.

‘Jungkook, I can’t reward you if you’re not going to be good and listen to me.’ You said softly, soothing the sting off his left cheek with the gentle stroke of your thumb over the pinkening skin as he sniffled, his nose so so red.. ‘All you have to do is do as I say. It’s that simple. Why is it so hard for you to understand?’

'I-' He tried to voice but found himself choking on a sob, speech stuttering. His shoulders shook and tears streamed down his face almost endlessly. ‘I’m sorry, mommy. So sorry, I won’t do it again. I swear I’ll be good. I promise… please … I swear…’

‘Shh…’ You hushed him quietly, wiping at them, feeling your heart soften to a puddle unbiddenly with your love for him. ‘Since you’re such a sweetie, I’ll tell you one more time. One last time.’

Jungkook listened to you intently, holding your now steady gaze with his teary ones.

'Don't move unless I tell you to. Don’t talk unless I ask you something. Keep your hands where I put them, only move them when you hear me tell you to. Got it?’

He nodded while you held him, a jerky movement as he sniffled again.

'Yes, mommy.’

You smiled. How adorable.

'Good.’ You said, pecking the red tip of his nose, satisfied, soul rested at reaching an agreement with him and seeing him calm a little. It made slipping into your role again easier. 'If you call my name again with your filthy mouth, I’m gonna stop. You’ve got to earn it. Otherwise, you’ll never learn.’

Since it wasn’t a question, he didn’t respond. You watched his throat bobbed as he shook a little. It was the quake that came in the aftermath of sobbing and something else. You were vaguely aware of his slick cock where it laid flat against the ridged planes of his solid tummy, twitching and pulsing and desperate for a little touch, a little kiss, a little suck, from you.

It was almost embarrassing to admit how close you were to pouncing on him in the moment. But you wanted to keep this going. You stopped him earlier so firmly because of it.

'I think you understand well enough now. ‘ You pushed yourself off your knees and stood to help him take his shirt off, marveling and feeling at his ripped ink skin for a moment before your eyes flickered to his face. ‘Now kiss me.’

He pushed forward and crashed his lips against yours, moaning deeply as he shoved his tongue down your throat, all too eager to finally be able to be allowed this.

Your eyes fluttered shut and your hands slid up his firm chest, fingers joining and clasping to lace as you brought your arms around his neck.

You forced yourself to part from him to angle your head the other way to deepen the kiss and he chased your lips hungrily all the way, your teeth colliding when you meshed together again.

With your hands in his hair, you guided him to you neck, then your collarbones. You hugged him tighter and sighed in bliss as he started lavishing your tits, lapping at your nipples with his tongue and relieving them off their ache, nibbling with his teeth.

'Fuck…' You moaned, arching, for more. You wanted more. ‘Guk… use your hands. Touch them.’

His hands shot out fast and he gripped, squeezing your flesh as he showered your tits with his attention, leaving a sheen behind from his mouth and a red tinge and sting from his fervor.

You winced, jolting sharply.

He was being too rough. Pinching and biting and twisting, drawing seemingly pained sounds from deep inside of you as you panted. But you couldn’t find it in you to stop him because it felt so good.

To reward him for making you feel good, you reached in between your bodies, gripping his cock again.

He jolted, unintentionally biting down on your nipple, making you jerk with a curse as electricity shot through you, hitting you down to the core. But you kept pretense, grabbing his cock and pulling him back by the hair to give him a stern look.

'Don't stop.’ You commanded, breathless and throaty. ‘If you want to come. Don’t. Stop.’

Jungkook obliged and dived in to suckle on your tits and knead the soft flesh with even more vigor than before, something you didn’t think possible. You jerked him off with just as much zeal, fingers scratching his scalp as you bit down on your bottom lip, throbbing dully from the kiss before, to hold back wanton noises.

‘M-mommy-‘ he husked in a stutter against your tits, a strong arm looping around your waist to ground him, hand trembling where he squeezed you desperately when he pulled away to look up at you with glittery eyes. ‘I’m sorry b-but- I-'

You moved your fist up and down around his girth, probing the leaking tip with your thumb, gathering pre cum and spreading the sticky essence all over his shaft as you asked him if you were making him feel good, observing his lust laden expression through your lashes, to which he nodded at dumbly, incoherent affirmatives tumbling out of his parted lips.

‘Are you close?’ His balls were hot and heavy and pulsing with load when you took them between your fingers to rile him up even more and he groaned, shaking his head and shutting his eyes tightly. ‘Tell me, are you close baby?’ He pulsed at the pet name, a harsh curse slipping out the part of his lip. ‘Yes!’

'Well?’ You prompted, increasing your pace as you felt his cock buzz tellingly. ‘Come for me, baby boy.’

And he did, thick, hot jet streams shooting out and flying all over in between them, on your belly, on your thighs, and even on the bottom curve of your tits.

You found yourself breathing heavy in the aftermath, supporting a spent Jungkook who had his face buried into you chest with his back bowed, his arms weakly brought around your waist .

You kept your hand on his hair, soothing down the damp strands gently.

‘Tired…’ he mumbled into your skin, an incoherent slur you miraculously caught. ‘Can’t… move…'

You laughed a little.

'Of course.’ You said. You were feeling a lot more drained than you usually did after sex yourself, from your skin down to your bone. ‘That was a lot wasn’t it.’

‘Yeah…' he agreed sleepily. ‘But I had fun…. T’was good.’

‘I know.’ You leaned into to press a kiss to his crown and looped your arms snug around him in an embrace to keep him warm. ‘Me too.’ - Somewhere in between pulling yourselves together and trying to learn how to breath again, he’d dozed of on your tits.

You had a petite frame compared to his height and muscle. Jungkook was really tall and very broad in general.

Dragging his dead weight to the room wasn’t easy.

But you got there eventually.

He sunk into the sheets mumbling on his belly and you joined him on your side of the bed after catching your breath, shimmying into comfort next to his warmth to get some shut eye for a moment.

A handful of hours must’ve gone by. You were first to wake up. It was somewhere around five am. Not your usual time, unlike Jungkook who loved getting up early to hit the gym before work, but you had things to do.

He must’ve been really tired. He slept through his alarm. You reached out to the night stand with his things to hit snooze for him and decided he could do with some extra minutes of sleep.

You watched him propped on one elbow with your fist pressing at your cheek where he slept on after changing out of your birthday suit into one of his comfortable shirts, snoring softly, touching his hair.

Jungkook shifted, eyes fluttering lazily. When they saw you, he blinked dazedly multiple times before he shifted on his side to face you completely, bringing a loose arm around your waist.

‘Are you not tired?’ He asked you with a pleasant gruffness to his voice, eyes still shut.

‘No,’ You shook your head, tracing along the shape of his brow gently and brushing his fringe aside before you cupped his face. ‘I’m starting early today.’

His lids cracked open a notch and he looked at you questioningly with sleep in his eyes.

'Doing what?’

‘Homework.’

'But you’re in college.’ He pointed out in a rasp, pouting a little at the prospect of having you torn away from him and tugging you closer until you tumble on top of him. ’They don’t give out homework in college. I know. I’ve been there.’

You laughed, finding his clinginess cute. It wasn’t everyday that he referred back to his younger days, days he didn’t seem to be too proud of, often times reminiscing on them every now and then with a cringe or grimace or red tipped ears.

If there was something you knew for sure he didn’t regret about all the mishaps and slip ups of his past life, it was that it made him who he was, got him his awesome sleeve and it led him to meeting you in his later years.

Unable to help it, feeling your heart brim, you leaned down to peck him, just because he was right there, so close and near and yours.

‘It’s an assignment that I’m supposed to get done at home so…'

‘Homework.’ He nodded, lips stretching in a lazy, dopey grin as his hands lifted to rest on your waist and massage your sides absently. ‘Right. What about your parfait?’

That gave you a pause. He planted a kiss on the side of your mouth. He probably meant to catch your lips but he obviously still had quite some sleep weighing down on his system.

Right now, he seemed fine with just kissing down your jaw, and your neck, gentle and languid as he breathed you in and embraced you snugger. Distractedly, he asked. 'Did you get to eat it?’

You considered it in, humming at the pleasant feeling of his lips and hands on you, slipping your fingers into his hair, cradling the back of his head when he lifts his head a little to nip at your collarbones.

‘Yeah.’ You breathed out, voice a little husky. When he pulled away to blink up at you questioningly, you titled your and you grinned a little, working your thumb in circles at the base of his skull . 'You feed it to me, don’t you remember?’

The hazy look on his face dissipated as clarity dawned on his features and a deep flush broke out on his face, from the tips of his ears and down his neck.

'I thought…’ he trailed off, blinking repeatedly, struggling to speak as he went over the events of the previous night. ‘That’s good then. That uh you’ve satisfied your craving.’

You held back a little chuckle at his flustered reaction and hummed.

‘Yeah…' Your fingers touched his lips, soft and plump and still a little redder than normal from yesterday. ‘I wonder what I’ll be craving next.’

His lips stretched underneath your finger tip and it was nothing short cheeky and brimming mischief.

'Me too.’ He said, reaching out to cradle your nape. His thumb brushed your pulse tenderly, and he brought you close enough so that your noses touched and you shared a breath. ‘That reminds me, I never really got to make it up to you.’

Your suspicion for a scheme aside, you frowned at what he said, tilting your head.

‘You did.’ You told him, wondering if he was joking around or something. ‘I’m not mad anymore.’

'I mean I got to get off,' Jungkook explained, eyes darting all over your face before it settled on yours, steady and firm. ‘But you didn’t.’

‘Oh.’ You blinked, suddenly feeling all hot and funny. You let out a little breathy laugh and shook your head, squeezing where you held him a little to reassure him, giving him a tiny smile. ‘But, I didn’t need to. I had fun too. It's fine, really.’

He held you in silence, idly tracing your cheeks.

‘But I want to make it up to you.’ He stated earnestly, then he titled his head and his eyes flickered to you with a telling glint. He rasped our your name. 'I’m craving something.’

You resisted a huff even as you shuddered down to your toes and decided to entertain him

‘Tell me.' You perched your chin on his sternum and stared up at him, fingers slipping his hair to glide down his neck and shoulder in a slow, drawn out motion to rest on his chest, where his heart beat was picking up ‘What are you craving?’

Jungkook was silent for a beat, watching you with darkening eyes.

'Do we still have whip cream left?’

‘No.’ You shook your head slightly, feeling him up. ‘Finished it.’

He nodded distractedly, humming low in his throat.

'Alright.’ He muttered, reaching out to sooth your hair down and before he gripped. Oh. Heat coiled in your belly and he smirked at how hot you were getting on top of him. ‘I'm guessing fruit and yogurt will do. We have that.’

You peered up at him through your lashes and bit you lip, pulse picking up. The morning wood he sporting was getting impossible to ignore now with how he was looking at you.

‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’

‘Yeap.’ His lips curled into a lazy grin, and when he released you, you almost whined but he went straight to cupping your ass beneath the shirt of his you were wearing, clad in only underwear, making you jolt a little at the sudden motion, but you certainly had no complaints. ‘But first-‘

Jungkook chuckled at the sound you let out, and he gave you a playful smack before he mumbled, eyes dark with intent.

‘Will you look at the clock- it’s time for breakfast.’ Of course he would go and say something corny like that first thing in the morning. You couldn’t help but laugh as you sat up with your palms on his chest to push yourself off him.

‘It’s my turn to cook.’ You said, standing after moving off your straddle on him to slip your feet into your slippers, a white bunny with red detail to match his black bunny with pink cheeks. You tied your hair into a messy bun as he shuffled to lay on his side behind you and looked down at him over your shoulder, hands on your hips. ‘What are you in the mood for?’

He observed you silently for a while, then he reached over and gently took your hand, tugging you back.

'You.’ He spoke lowly, husking your name, his gaze clear even while heavy lidded with blatant arousal. ‘I’m in the mood for you.’

You sighed and turned to face him, leaning down to give him a quick peck and hold his face with your free hand.

‘That’s real sweet Kooks, but I’m talking about real food.’

He opened his pretty doe eyes wider slowly, bottom lip jutting out in pout that floored you, almost ensnaring you. A tender chuckle tumbled out of your lips and you gave his cheek a light pat with a little ‘tough luck’ before heading towards the door when he let reluctantly your hand slip out of his.

‘Put on something before you come out.’ You called from the door after grabbing one of his sweats from the draw before you entered the bathroom to freshen up quickly. They were big, dragging on the floor but they were warm and comfy and all you had to do was pull on the drawstrings. You shivered as soon as you walked out and hit the hallways, hugging yourself, trying to rub the goosebumps off your arms. The mornings were as brutal as ever it seemed. ‘It’s really cold out here.’

You could hear him groan from the living room and you shook your head, sighing under your breath as you slipped into the kitchen. Jungkook got sick so easy and he could be so stylish when he went out without trying but he hated wearing clothes inside more than anything.

What a mysterious enigma, you thought with a hint of sarcasm, and unbidden, a hint of affection bled through and extended that thought. One of the seven wonders of the world, that one.

You’d get to him and dress him yourself in a moment. Right now, your grumbling tummy couldn’t be ignored any longer.

You opened the fridge and stared at the contents for a while before you took out the eggs and bacon and set it on the counter.

Jungkook came out in a hoodie with sweats on, sitting across you on one of the two tall stools where you were setting the plates with a frown.

You absently started a count down in your head as you arranged the spread before you, already knowing the drill.

Three.

Two.

He started by calling you out, voice rough from sleep still. ‘You’re a real meanie. You know that?’

You hummed absently, moving to the other side and cracking the eggs over the sizzling pan.

‘At least give me my morning kiss.’ He called out from behind you. ‘I gave it to you already.’

‘A real one.’ He countered. ‘Not just a peck.’

You turned to grab some salt on the eating counter and sent him a look.

His hair was all mussed and you had to admit it was an adorably, hot look but there were other more pressing matters that begged for your attention. He was dressed yes, but of course, he was showing ripped skin down the center. It was tempting but you were more concerned for his wellbeing.

'Zip it first.’ You gestured at his hoodie. ‘Maybe then I’ll think about it.’

Jungkook did as you said sooner than you could finish blinking.

‘There.’ He declared with enthusiasm, brimming with childlike glee with an ear to ear grin, practically thrumming in excitement in his seat. ‘Now kiss me.’

Oh, there was no way you could deny him, especially when he got like this, so eager for your kisses. But you could be a little stern about, try to get all contemplative and rational when all you wanted to do was shower him with them.

So, you stared at him for a bit before you walked over and braced yourself to lean over the counter on your tiptoes so you could lift yourself, palms pressed onto the cold, marble surface.

He spared you the embarrassment of having to climb the counter and leaned over with his height to meet you somewhere halfway and cradle your face in his hands.

It was just a fitted press at first, your mouth slotted against his gently, melding perfectly, then a gliding roll of lips.

He held your face tighter when you tried to get back on your heels.

'The food…' you spoke airily against the wet smack of their lips, gaze trying to shift over your shoulders where the stove was sizzling. ‘It’s gonna burn…'

He tolerated blindly kissing your cheek for only a bit before he used his other hand to redirect your face towards him and meshed your lips again.

'Just a little bit more…' he husked, taking you bottom lip in between his as he angled his head, thumbs brushing your warm cheeks tenderly. ‘Let me taste you a bit more…'

His mouth tasted a little like mint, with a hint of cherry from his favorite chap stick and something distinctly him beneath it all as your tongues breached to mingle. It was intoxicating, making you feel dizzy and weightless.

Your heart felt unbelievably full and it was the easiest thing to melt into him. You closed your eyes, giving in and let him caress your tongue with his as you made out until your lungs protested.

Your eyes were still softly shut when he pulled way with a string of saliva in between your lips. He smiled a little at your serene expression and your eyes opened when he brushed a trail of wetness off the side of your mouth with his thumbs.

‘Spit.’ He said simply, giving you a final wipe with a satisfied nod and a dopey stretch to his lips. ‘All good now.’

You felt the spot with your fingers. It tingled pleasantly, like your cheeks, which were hot and probably super flushed with color.

Nodding, you pushed yourself off the counter and went over to check on the eggs.

They were a little crisper around the edge but luckily, not charred and burnt. Jungkook liked his eggs a little on the rawer in the mornings, for the rich proteins, good for muscles, he said once. You would have these ones. You finished cooking with no incident and in no time you were sitting across each other.

'Looks good,' Jungkook complimented, reaching for his fork with a bright grin as you did the same. It widened when he looked up at you. There was that pretty, sea glass twinkle in his galaxy eyes. ‘Thanks for the meal.’

You watched him dive in, humming graciously and you looked down at your own food, muttering your own thank with a little smile.

You were so so grateful for having him in your life.

- 

i went through hoops trying to upload this. i made the banner myself. i edited this a dozen times.

a little game. take a shot every i use one word a hundred times because i have one braincell. dm me the hospital bill.

[parallelparkingproblems]

01/20/2021

I try not to look at thinspo everyday, but I love quizzes so here goes:

1. Height: 5′5 HW: 197  CW: 190 GW1: 175 (overweight weight range, back to high school weight) GW2: 150 (normal weight range) GW3: 125 (”ideal” weight for my height, thinnest I’ve ever been) UGW: 115 (model skinny for me

2. 5′5. I wish I was taller so I could look nicer in some styles of clothes, but when I’m thinner I’m pretty happy with my height. 

3. I absolutely love how light and floaty she looks, and how her collarbones look. I remember looking like this and feeling almost that weightless. I also hate how fat my thighs are, and hers are so gorgeous. 

4. I’m so scared about loose skin. I hate the idea of having wiggly thighs and deflated boobs. 

5. I want to remember what it feels like to feel excited to get dressed in the morning. I miss loving fashion so much. 

6. I don’t usually binge, but sometimes I end up eating more than I planned. Mostly I just try to keep a 1000 calorie deficit between what my FitBit says and how much I log in MFP. 

7. My parents both know. My dad tells me I don’t need to, but then makes fun of fat women day in and day out. He’s constantly dieting and gorging himself, and always bringing shitty food into the house. My mom knows I have trouble with eating enough, and I’m trying to be better about being healthier for her. She knows I used to restrict a lot, but she doesn’t know I still do. I try to keep her at arm’s reach, because when she knows I’m dieting, anything I try to eat she tries to replace with baby carrots/spinach/etc. so any time I work up the nerve to eat she makes it practically impossible for me to eat enough. She thinks 1000 calories is too much to eat in a day, but regularly eats around 2500. 

8. I try to burn 2,500-3,000 calories every day. I’ve always walked a lot, but I recently tried to run and got stress fractures because of a calcium and iron deficiency. Now, I’m trying to stick to low-impact stuff until I can get in with a physical therapist, like rollerskating. I just got an elliptical off of Facebook marketplace, so I’m trying that for a while.

9. My parents, doctors, friends... everyone. 

10. The hardest thing is not eating the food my roommates make. They make this delicious, but super fattening food, and get so sad when I never eat any. 

11. I’m not sure, mostly just browsing the sweetspo tag

12. I really love Yerba Mate tea and fruit, so I usually end up eating those things, along with low-calorie frozen meals and canned soups, or bagels/english muffins. I’m working on incorporating more water, vegetables, and protein/calcium into my diet. 

13. I’m really trying to lose it in a healthy way. I’m in college and I know enough about biology and anatomy to know how badly restricting can fuck up your heart, but I struggle with over-exercising and portion sizes. 

14. My UGW is 115 or so. I’m not exactly set on this, but I definitely don’t want to go under 110. I just want to have small thighs, and feel light. 

15. I’m not strictly either, but I eat very little dairy because lactose hurts my stomach, and very little meat because I hate to cook it. I would definitely believe either of these would help me lose weight, since it would help me avoid places like McDonalds. 

16. I first decided to lose weight when I was in 4th grade. I wasn’t successful until the summer of 8th grade, when I was sick and tired of being fat. I lost about 40 lbs in 3 months (170 -> 130) by over exercising and sticking to 1,200 calories a day, and it was miserable.  I’m now a junior in college, and my weight has crept up to 190 (as high as 197). I’m trying to lose about 70 lbs now.

17. Probably, but I’m really trying to manage it healthily. I experience so much body dysphoria and so many impulses to restrict but I try to over exercise instead of eating too little when I can. 

18. Easily french fries, and ice cream. I love both so dearly. 

19. I had Taco Bell yesterday and I regret it. It wasn’t even worth it.

20. My favorite diet is fruit, water, and low-cal soup and frozen meals-- nothing special. 

21. I’m a size 14 in jeans, size 12 in dresses. My bra size is a fucking giant 34J (SO excited to lose some boob).

22. My lowest weight was 130. I gained the weight during high school and college during which I experienced multiple instances of sexual assault and anxiety over abuse at home. 

23. 100%, but the thing that got me to actually change was wanting to fit in. No one seemed to want to be friends with the fat girl. 

24. I understand them-- I think people use the terms in different ways. Some people mean they’re in favor of perpetuating the disease, and some mean they’re in favor of accepting and recognizing them. The latter is valid, the former is not. 

25. No, I haven’t. I over-exercise for sure, but I’ve never thrown up because I ate. 

26. I can’t wait to for it to be easier for me to run, and to look cute in shorts. Also to be able to fit into those cute tiny bralettes once my boobs shrink. 

27. I let myself have some treats. My mantra is that I can have some fun stuff, just not every single thing I want. 

28. It would be amazing but I’m trying to be OK with it if I can’t get it. My hips are wide enough I think it could happen though. 

29. Light, graceful, confident.

(I’ll save 30 for the the next time I post, to track progress!)

[thebibliosphere]

hey just delete and forget I ever sent this if this is a stupid and/or offensive. but what are the possible complications of a feeding tube? I'm not suggesting you should get one, I'm just curious and a quick research gave me long scientific papers and some "not often have any complications" answers. and what about getting nutrients intravenously? like in an IV bag? I had that for a few days when I broke a leg and it was so nice not having to eat. I'm propably missing something obvious. thank u

Feeding tubes are by and large safe to use for those who need them, but there are complications that can occur that need to be considered before making that decision. A quick google search brings up a list which follows:

Complications Associated with Feeding Tube

Constipation.

Dehydration.

Diarrhea.

Skin Issues (around the site of your tube)

Unintentional tears in your intestines (perforation)

Infection in your abdomen (peritonitis)

Problems with the feeding tube such as blockages (obstruction) and involuntary movement (displacement)

https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-treatments/f/feeding-tube/complications.html

While tears in the intestine and infections of the abdomen are rare, they can and do happen, so to suggest a feeding tube as an “easy” alternative to eating, or to even suggest it as a valid alternative to eating animal produce (which it’s not, most feeding tube formulas are dairy-based) is outright ignorant of how feeding tubes work and when they should be used.

There was actually another chronic illness blogger a while ago who died from complications caused by a tear in her intestines which was caused by her feeding tube. It was incredibly sad, and also caused a lot of controversy cause there were some folk who felt she shouldn’t have been using one in the first place, but that’s a whole other catastrophe of discourse I’m not about to reawaken.

As for IV nutrients, I have done that when I have been at my absolute worst, but long term infusion therapy is also considered to be a “we’ve tried everything and this is the only thing that works” sort of solution. The short term is fine, but long term it becomes expensive af and not everyone’s insurance would cover that kind of thing.

For me personally, it would also hinder our end goal hope, which is the ability to retrain my body back into being able to eat foods and enable me to lead as healthy and independent a life as possible, without always being at the hospital to get treatment for something that is theoretically manageable without that level of care. (It is also important to note that IV infusion does not decrease my chances of anaphylaxis. If anything we avoid it because we have no idea how my body will react to high-level concentrations of certain things. They didn’t even want to give me b12 injections back in May in case of possible complications.)

There are some people who need that level of care due to the intricacies of their conditions, but I am not one of them. I’m currently able to get buy with copious amounts of prescription oral supplements and using a straw to drink fluids to get around my dystonia (uncontrollable spasms of the throat muscles), which is awesome. I never thought I’d be able to be this healthy ever again! Which I’m sure to some people doesn’t sound Healthy™ at all, but as I said in my original post, health is subjective and I’m thankful for what I’ve got!

Anyway, I hope that answers some of your questions :)

[daintylildemon]

tw // calories [number] + food + weight loss (healthy)

hi guys ik i’ve been depressed and edgy about my ed lately BUT i just got off the phone w a doctor about my lack of weight loss and we had a really good conversation and I think I’m starting to understand what I’m doing wrong. so I’m writing this down now as a kind of goal to hold me accountable!

———

welcome to: rules 2.0 ✨

first things first: CALORIES.

I’ve been doing this one super wrong, I haven’t been tracking ANY drinks, including alcohol and soda. big oops. I’ve probably been having like 500-800 extra calories on nights I get drink bc of that :(((( but now I know what to fix, and I can work on it.

my doctor recommends 1,200 calories still be my goal for now, with emphasis on tracking macros. I’ve picked out a plan that is 40% carbs, 30% protein, 30% fat bc I felt like that was well rounded and could be packed full of healthy foods that still taste good.

next up: WATER

he said 2.5L is probably more than I need daily (whew because I was Not achieving that) and to mostly focus on drinking when thirsty, having some before/during meals and most importantly: following non-water drinks with some (with the exception of coffee and tea) since it’ll help process it. he said a good example is 1 sip of soda to 3 sips of water.

third: FOOD

I’ve already been doing fairly good at this one, but big emphasis on whole grains, leafy greens, lean proteins, and low-fat swaps for dairy and other high fat foods. I’ll be focusing the most on fish, eggs, berries, oats, veggies, and fruits.

fourth: SWAPS OR REDUCTIONS

I’ll be trying to completely eliminate soda from my diet (he said even sugar free can boost insulin, which can keep me from losing weight). If I really want soda, moderation and following with water will be helpful. I’ll also be reducing alcohol intake and also be trying hard to follow with a bunch of water. my water tracking app actually factors in water needed to compensate for drinking, so I’ll just have to track ALL beverages religiously there.

I’ll also be swapping things like processed lunch meats for fresh cut deli meats with an emphasis on no salt added and reduced fat. there’s a great deli near me that have a ton of healthy options like that.

fifth: EXERCISE

predictably, he recommended 30m/daily. I told him I struggle with back pain, so he said it’s fine to break it up. he wants me to aim for my heart rate to be in the 130s-140s. my apple watch will help with tracking this a lot.

I’ll be setting my goals up as 30m exercise, 8 stand goals achieved, and maybe 200-300 calories burned, just till I can get a sense of how much 30m of cardio can realistically burn, then I can adjust as I see fit.

finally: VITAMINS / SUPPLEMENTS

it won’t help with weight loss specifically, but I’ll be resuming taking a multivitamin and probiotic daily, and see what happens from there. my doctor recommends getting nutrients from my diet first, but it can’t hurt to help fill the gaps a bit.

———

so that’s my plan for now! I’m excited to implement it and see if there are any changes. there’s a few medical conditions hes going to test me for in a month if none of this makes a big difference, but hopefully I can avoid that completely.

[reinhartiisms]

@sprousec

Cole: had just washed his hands and was beginning to knead the pasta dough that he'd just made. Well he'd made it earlier in the day and it had been resting while he and Lili went out shopping. "What kind of sauce do you feel like? I can make spaghetti, carbonara, alfredo? Any requests?" He asked Lili, getting out the pasta maker from the cupboard and beginning to turn the dough through it. The living room almost looked like a bomb had gone off in it with all the baby items they'd bought during their shopping trip and with that it really made it feel real that they were going to be having a child in just a few months. The onesies and clothing was tiny and they could add it to the tiny bunny that he and Lili had brought at christmas time. "Do you want something to drink?" He asked Lili.

Lili was busy putting away the bags her and Cole had collected over a long day of shopping when she heard Cole's question. "I'm not really in the mood for a specific noodle or sauce," she smiled at him. "Surprise me." She was too focused on trying to notate down what all they had and what all they still needed to get. It was funny how with all these bags, it looked like they had everything they needed but Lili knew they hadn't even scratched at the surface. Babies needed a lot. "Wine," she answered him wryly but let out a wistful sigh. Wine. God, she missed wine and she wasn't even a big drinker. "Water is fine." Closing her Notes app on her phone, Lili straightened up and made her way into the kitchen to join them. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked, swinging her legs over the counter and sitting up on the top.

Cole: "Ooh fun, I could go really out there then" He probably wouldn't though. Lili was a bit of a pickier eater and he wanted to make something that she would actually want to eat, especially since she was pregnant and he knew she needed to keep her calories up, although not by too much. Once the pasta was finished and into nice long lengths of spaghetti, Cole put it into the bubbling water so it could cook. He pulled the ingredients out of the fridge for pesto sauce and began making that. It wouldn't take too long and hopefully Lili would like it. It had parmesan in it and you couldn't really go wrong with cheese. He looked up when Lili answered his next question and Cole gave her a smile, pushing a glass of water towards her. "You can probably have non alcoholic wines, we should try some one day if you want"

Lili wrinkled her nose and gave Cole a pout. "Oh please, there's no point of wine if it's non-alcoholic. That's like sugar free candy or dairy free ice cream. It's a crime." She picked up the glass and sipped from it, watching as he cooked. With the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and his dark hair all frizzy from the heat of the kitchen, he was painting an attractive picture. It was pretty unfair. Lili squeezed her legs together at the thought and took a more vigorous swig of water. Damn baby hormones. If she wasn't crying while reading sad poems, she was getting all hot and bothered about her very unavailable ex. "So seriously, nothing I can do to help?" Lili asked, needing a distraction. "No stirrer needed? Cheese grater? Pepper shaker?"

Cole: "I mean, it'll still taste the same, it's just not got the same effects. But I get what you mean" Cole told her. She was right. It was sort of pointless, especially since most people liked the buzz they got form alcohol. Once the pasta was cooked, Cole put it to drain in the sink and then got out two bowls, the sauce was ready and he was just going to add the two of them together. "Nope, i'm all done" he answered, putting a bowl in front of the two seats at the island and then offering Lili a hand so she could get down and they could sit next to one another and eat dinner together. "What do you think?" He asked, starting on his own bowl of pasta.

Lili "Ah, once again, I am useless," Lili joked and took Cole's hand as he helped her off the counter. The dinner smelled delicious, as always. Before she could sit down, she poured herself some water and then grabbed some bread that Cole still had saved from a previous grocery store venture. It may not have been freshly baked, hot out of the oven in Italy but it'd pair nicely with the pasta. She dipped her bread in the sauce and took a bite, nodding her head. "Delicious, as always. I really need to up my cooking game." Lili had gotten a lot better over the years but she didn't get too experimental in the kitchen and tended to stick with safe dishes. "Thanks for cooking for me," she gave him a smile. "Otherwise I would've eaten something really shitty from Postmates and felt awful afterwards."

Cole: "Oh stop it, you are not. I just didn't have anything for you to do is all" Lili most definitely wasn't useless. Cole just often didn't need too much help. Pasta was easy to make and it didn't take long to cook so there really hadn't been much for anyone to do. "Welcome. It's pretty easy and most food isn't hard, you just have to be ready to fail the first few times you make a dish until you get it right" Pasta was really the only thing that Cole was super good at cooking, everything else was a bit of a gamble on whether or not it would turn out right. "Well I'm glad you stayed for dinner then. Although postmates isn't too bad, I don't think. Depending on what you get"

Lili "I don't typically get healthy food." Lili was doing a lot better eating wise when it came to being pregnant, but it was hard to avoid fries and milkshakes when they were so readily available to you. Her biggest craving lately had been chicken wings washed down with some orange soda and that wasn't exactly what the doctor recommended. She twirled some pasta around her fork and after taking a big bite of it, swallowed with her water. "Maybe you can teach me some," she asked Cole, taking another bite. "You won't always be here to cook for Brooklyn and I'd like to give her some of Dad's favorites when it's my night to have her."

Cole: Cole just continued eating his pasta as Lili spoke. At least she was aware she wasn't eating the best food and it probably wasn't enough to really do anything. "Yeah? I could definitely do that. It's really easy so i'm sure you'd have no trouble making them" Cole had learnt most of his pasta making skills from his dad who made the best pasta Cole had ever had. His Dad had learnt in Italy when he'd lived there before Cole was born so it was no wonder his Dad's skills were that good. "Yeah we're definitely screwed if she doesn't like pasta" Cole joked, drinking from his cup of water. "Not that we have to worry about that for a while at least"

Lili "Sounds good," Lili smiled at Cole. As helpful as Cole was being throughout her entire pregnancy, Lili knew that eventually she'd have to stop depending on him. They were going to be parents together, but she was going to be a single mother nevertheless. She couldn't lean on Cole to provide everything for her or for Brooklyn. "As long as she's not vegan, that's all that matters. Mads keeps telling her that meat is evil and if our baby comes out wanting only organic mush, I'm gonna make Mads change every dirty diaper." Lili smirked at Cole as she said this and took another bite. "But I'm guessing the only thing she'll want is milk for a while so you're right, we've got time." Lili just hoped breastfeeding wasn't the nightmare it seemed to be for other women.

Cole: "It does. Although I don't think babies can be vegan anyways right? If you're breastfeeding then they're still getting milk from something. Unless they have soy formula or whatever" So long as Brooklyn was happy and healthy then that was all Cole could really have wanted and he was just going to support whatever Lili wanted to do as best he could. This was a whole other ball game that they'd really have to learn about, pregnancy was one thing but everything that came after Brooklyn was born was something else entirely. They could just take it all as it came. After his bowl was finished and Cole had drained the last of the water from his cup, he stood up, stacking the dishwasher with whatever he could fit inside it. "So, do you want me to walk you home? Or..you could stay? You can borrow some clothes and we can sort though the bags we got earlier?" He offered.

Lili "Sshh." Lili placed her hand over Cole's mouth, dramatically widening her eyes. "No more v word around this child. Too much damage has been done already." She gave Cole a little wink and as she saw him standing to collect the dishes, handed hers over. She felt comfortably full. Draining the last of her water, Lili stood up and watched as Cole bent down to put away the dishes. Domestic. So domestic. Daddy Cole vibes already..it really wasn't fair. She let out a little sigh and pointed towards the bathroom as he began to ask her a question. "I think I'm just gonna freshen myself up." She wanted to brush her teeth so she didn't have pasta breath and her cheeks could use some cold water to wake her up to reality. Her and Cole were /friends/. Just f r i e n d s. She shut the bathroom door behind her, splashed her face with some water, and squeezed some toothpaste on her finger as she scrubbed her teeth. Stupid Cole being so sweet and charming and sexy and domestic.

Cole: "Alright" Cole chuckled and filled the dishwasher with Lili's dishes before turning it on and beginning to give the hand wash only dishes a quick scrub to put onto the drying rack. "Okay" He nodded at Lili's next words and watched her leave. He still wasn't sure if she was planning on going anywhere or whether she wanted to stay over. Something that seemed to be happening more and more lately. Cole didn't mind. It was a lot nicer than being alone in bed all the time and Lili seemed to sleep well at his place so he was happy that she seemed to be getting some rest which was always a good thing. Walking into his own room and shutting the door, Cole changed out of his jeans and into some sweats, swapping his jumper for a plain singlet. The heater was blasting in the apartment so Cole didn't feel like he needed much else. He left some clothes out that Lili could change into if she wanted and then moved into the lounge room. Most of the baby things were sorted by where they'd been bought but Cole was going to make piles of what they had, clothes, blankets, gadgets etc just so they'd be able to sort them easily later.

Lili didn't immediately leave the restroom. She snooped a little. Opening up Cole's bathroom cabinet, she snorted at the pack of condoms, unscrewed some tops of colognes and smelled them, and nodded approvingly at the skincare products Chrissy had sent him. He was keeping up with his skin care regime, good boy. It wasn't until Lili figured Cole would think that she fell into the toilet that she finally washed her hands one last time for good measure, and opened the door. She could see into Cole's bedroom and saw that he had laid out some clothes for her. Sweet. Incredibly annoying that he was being so attentive and sweet and emotionally unavailable to her but..sweet. She shed her clothes and slipped on his shirt, seeing that it fell mid thigh and deciding to skip the sweats. It was too hot in his apartment anyways. She ran a hand through her hair and tousled it before coming back out to see Cole looking through the bags. "Whatcha doing?" She asked him, leaning against the doorframe of his living room.

Cole: "Cole hadn't even realised Lili had left the bathroom so when she spoke from just to the side of him, Cole just about jumped out of his skin, placing a hand on his heart "You gave me a heart attack" He told her with a smile, "And I'm sorting making piles in the bags of what we have. I figured if we had a different bag for a different category then when we got shopping later, it'll be easier to sort through that way as well. We're definitely going to need some more clothes probably but I think we did pretty good today" At least they had a few of the basic necessities. He looked up to Lili as he spoke his last few words, taking note of her outfit. She looked...hot in his t-shirt. She always had. Lili being in his clothes had always been a turn on and it had been endless when they had been dating. It was different now, especially that she was pregnant but she still looked just as good in his shirts, bump and all.

Lili bit her lip, laughing. "Sorry, scaredy pants," she teased. She hadn't known Cole was that deep in concentration. She straightened up and went to go sit down next to him, seeing the careful piles and arrangements he had already made. It wasn't something she was very interested in but she still perused through them, remembering what they had bought. "I feel like clothes are tricky because who knows how big she'll be and how much she'll grow," Lili told him as she carefully folded a onesie she had picked up and then placed back in the bag. "And some stuff we can order. I saw a few cribs I liked and bookmarked, I'll show you later. But I think we got a lot of essentials." They had almost everything that was needed on the 'baby's first checklist' PDF Lili had found and printed. She glanced back up to see Cole staring at her and she smiled. "What are you looking at?"

Cole: “Yeah we don’t know how big she’ll be but I don’t think she’ll be huge. Maybe long” Cole was pretty tall and Lili wasn’t super short so it was probably easy to assume that Brooklyn could possibly fall somewhere in the middle. His cheeks flushed when he realised Lili was looking at him and Cole had been too intent on looking at her to realise. He could’ve said ‘nothing and waved off an excuse but it felt like Lili had already caught him. “Just you” he told her honestly and moved closer to press a kiss to her lips. When he pulled away, his cheeks were redder still. “Sorry, just ignore I ever did that” Cole didn’t really think Lili would mind but it was a dangerous game to play with both their feelings.

Lili closed her eyes as Cole moved in to kiss her. It was both expected and unexpected; she recognized his soft looks, but he didn't normally go past more than sweet words when it came to them lately. Cole was much more restrained than Lili was. When he pulled back, she licked her lips and shook her head. "You can't apologize for kissing me," she told him with furrowed brows and then moved into kiss him again. "You either want to kiss me or you don't. Make up your mind, Cole." Lili's tone was teasing but they both knew the serious undertone of her statement. It also didn't help that Cole smelled really good and was really warm and that Lili's fingers were now moving through his longer strands of hair as she got closer to his face than she had in a while. "But if you're not going to kiss me, I'm going home because I am so damn horny and you're not helping by being..you."

Cole: “Yes I can. I just did” Cole smirked and shut his eyes as Lili moved to kiss him again. It was a struggle constantly for Cole to not kiss Lili, especially as he always wanted to, much much more than what he ended up acting on. “I always want to kiss you” He told her. One of his hands was moving down her back, the soft of his shirt coupled with the warmth of her skin was making it hard to stop. “Don’t worry, I intend on finishing what I started” He replied, moving in to kiss her once again.

Lili "You're talking too much," Lili said before Cole shut her up with his mouth. As much as Lili loved what Cole had to say, she wanted less talking, more kissing. His hands pressed against her and the feeling of him going to take off the shirt she was wearing made Lili moan and she just kissed him that much harder. /Finally/. It had been so long since they had last done this and the relief Lili felt at just being touched by him made her want to cry. Nobody made her feel as good or as loved or as wanted by Cole and consequences of hooking up be damned - she had an itch to scratch and Cole was finally going to make it go away.

Cole: Lili’s shirt or rather Cole’s shirt that Lili had been wearing had come off rather quickly and once his mission of taking it off had been accomplished, Cole moved to pulls his own singlet off, tossing it amongst the bags they were sorrounded by. His mouth still attached to Lili’s, Cole got up and tried to move both himself and Lili into the bedroom. Dylan wasn’t home yet, at least Cole didn’t think he was but he still didn’t feel like being interrupted in the living room either way. The door had slammed noisily behind them and it was a bit of a stumble but they made it to Cole’s bed. Afterwards, happy and sated, Cole moved his arm around Lili, his eyes beginning to droop shut “I love you” he told her sleepily.

Lili laid stretched out on Cole's bed after they were finished, staring up at the ceiling. She couldn't move due to Cole's arm being on top of her and she didn't want to. She probably should pee - she definitely should brush her hair - but there was something about this moment that she just wanted to stay in and soak in. She had been sleeping alone for some time now and just being this close to Cole was everything. When he spoke, her eyes pricked with tears. It was hard to hear, but she knew he meant it. "I love you too," she whispered back softly and sighed, rolling over so that she was resting her head against his chest. She wasn't tired - far from it - but in bed with Cole, in their own little world, is where she wanted to be.

[publiccollectors]

QUARANZINE #14

QUARANZINE #14: Rachel Herman. Rachel was diagnosed as a presumptive positive for COVID-19 after a test for Influenza A and B turned up negative. She's been fighting the virus for just over two weeks. Yesterday she posted this long message on Facebook about her experience so far and I asked her about publishing it in QUARANZINE. She had been thinking about reaching out to me, so we were both on the same page. The text is very long for the format I adhere to so the type is quite small, unfortunately. Here it is in its entirety: Dear friends,

This is the week many of us will get sick. Social distancing is working, but most cities waited too long to declare shelter-in-place orders and many others have yet to. So, we will see spikes in confirmed cases within the next week or so. I want you all to be armed with pragmatic and useful information if this happens to you or someone you care about.

I am on Day 14 of what was diagnosed as a presumptive positive for COVID-19 after a test for Influenza A and B turned up negative. (I am still waiting for my COVID-19 results.) I’ve had a relatively mild case, and I’m on the mend. My congestion is clearing up, I can breathe deeply again, and going up and down the stairs doesn’t make me winded. My energy and appetite are coming back though I still have had a fever of 100+ for 14 straight days. Most of us will get a mild case. 40-70% of us will get it, but so much of the media frenzy right now is focused on things that were important last week and yesterday (every day feels a year these days, though, to be fair). I have seen shockingly few articles or helpful testimonials advising how best to treat ourselves at home, and, trust me, I’ve been looking. So much of the information we’re focused on now is preventing transmission, but there is woefully little on what to do IF and WHEN we get sick.

Being waylaid during the time that so many folks have been still frantically trying to avoid getting sick has offered me a strange bubble of calm and insight. I’m grateful for that because the fear out there is palpable. I would like for this to be an offering to assuage at least some panic. That is my hope anyway.

The CDC and the WHO have labored and lengthy instructions on how to prevent transmission to someone else in the household or orders to quarantine. This creates a new problem for us as caregivers. A potentially critically ill person separated from everyone else drastically reduces a caregiver’s ability to monitor, replenish fluids, and generally take care of the person who is sick. On top of that, these two trusted sources offer only the most basic (honestly, negligible) recommendations for treating symptoms: sleep, keep hydrated, and take Tylenol (or the generic acetaminophen). This kind of bare bones advice is, well, skeletal. We all want to know how best to take care of ourselves and each other so that we can avoid having to go to the hospital. We want to be able to recuperate at home because we want to prevent putting a strain on the system and, face it, the idea of going to the hospital in this scenario is downright daunting. The better we know how to nurse ourselves back to health, the better our odds are healing well in our own beds.

So, I wanted to share what I’ve learned.

Caveat emptors/disclaimers because I’m making this public and shareable: This is based on my own personal, lived experience. I am not a doctor, so this does not replace or supplant solid medical advice from a professional you trust. I have had relatively mild symptoms but still a longish case. I am one of the freakish 5% who has had never-ending nasal congestion that went into my upper respiratory tract, but I somehow avoided the dreaded cough. YMMV (your mileage may vary). I have no underlying health concerns, I’m 52, a non-smoker, and fortunate. I have a comfortable apartment to myself, and I was able to spend $500 to stock up on essentials before the lockdown and before I got sick. (For the love of all that is holy, I swear I did not stockpile anything, especially TP. Stocking up is simply incredibly expensive. I dwindled my account down to almost my last dollar, since I’m adjunct faculty at two local universities and don’t make a whole lot.) Still, that is more than so many of us are able to do, and I am grateful for all that I have. What follows goes a bit beyond common sense, because this virus is unlike anything I’ve experienced before, even though to be clear, this is certainly a far cry from the sickest I’ve ever been. I hope it can be a boon to friends and strangers alike.

Here are the things I did that helped:

WHILE YOU ARE WELL

1) Start taking your temperature in the morning and at night so that you have a baseline.

One of the first signs of the virus can be a low-grade fever, though this virus does present in different ways. Full disclosure: I was one of those people who had to go to 3 different drugstores on Wed Mar 11 looking for a thermometer amid decimated shelves.

2) Before you get sick, change your diet.

Stop eating and drinking things that will make it harder to fight off the virus. Mellow out on the processed foods, dairy, and sugar (alcohol and gluten are in this category too, sorry).

Increase your intake of immune-boosting foods like green vegetables, fish and other omega-threes, garlic, ginger, and citrus. You don’t have to give in to the whole elderberry craze (though it does taste pretty good). Replace coffee with chaga, a fungal immune booster that you can brew into a strong, soothing tea, for a few weeks.

If you think these dietary recommendations are extreme, consider that you are in a temporary but dire situation where everything else around us is collapsing. Change your eating habits this month, even if it’s just a little for a little while.

3) SLEEP at least 8 hours a night. (I know, I wake up at 4am in a blind panic too. But, still, try.)

4) Make a pot of soup NOW while you are healthy or at the first sign of any symptoms.

This is especially important if you are sheltering in place alone. When/if you get sick, trust me, you won’t have energy to cook. You will barely want to eat anything anyway. But you will force yourself to have two bowls of it every day, and it will help. The pot should be big enough so that you can eat from it for a week. Make your favorite broth-based recipe: chicken, vegetable, or bone. Bone is most healing, obviously. Avoid dairy and noodles because these ingredients increase congestion and inflammation. Freeze it if you don’t have any symptoms at this point, so you will be able to thaw it when you start to feel oogy.

WHEN YOU GET SICK

1) At the first sign of fatigue, a tickle in your throat, aches, or a fever, go to bed and stay there. SLEEP. Don’t try to keep working. Your body needs to heal, and it can do that most effectively when you are sleeping.

Early symptoms reportedly vary. Some have aches and fever, scratchy throat, and chest tightness with a dry cough. Headaches, sneezing + nasal congestion, shortness of breath, nausea, and diarrhea have all been reported. I woke up on Mar 14 with a headache, body aches, congestion, and a fever of 101. My fever spiked to 102.5 on Day 2, and I’ve had a fever of 100+ every day since along with body aches, nasal congestion (my nose opened up like an actual running faucet on day 5), chest tightness and upper respiratory congestion, exhaustion, lack of appetite, and some lower GI distress (though not full-on diarrhea, everything just felt labored and different and, sincere apologies for the vivid image I’m about to put in your head, my poop seemed to be covered in a gauzy cloud). The two aberrations from most commonly reported symptoms: I have only had a negligible cough, and I never had a sore throat. My baseline temp leading up to getting sick was 99, but I am usually a straight-up 98.6 kind of person.

I had a dinner party the Monday before I got sick, and a friend who helped me in the kitchen came down with the same thing at the same time. My friend has asthma and has had a much harder time of things. But we are both on the road to recovery, in large part because we have been sharing what we’ve learned, checking in with each other, and doing some intense jobs taking care of ourselves while in isolation. (No one else from the dinner party has gotten sick to date.)

2) DRINK WATER, every 15 minutes when you are awake. Every time you wake up or roll over, drink. It should be room temperature, not cold. Cold liquids exacerbate the illness.

3) Drink WARM liquids like herbal tea and broth. Hot liquids keep everything in your system moving. Make soothing, healing, and warming remedies out of whatever inexpensive supplies you already have available.

4) In the giant void of an antiviral treatment that works on COVID-19, I have turned/returned to plant medicine, and it has helped me a lot.

My cousin, who is taking a Chinese medicine course in Singapore right now, sent me directions on how to make a ginger and licorice root decoction that was used throughout China during the Hubei lockdown. It’s easy to make. You bake the licorice in molasses, and then you boil the licorice root and the ginger for an hour. The ginger licorice decoction has really helped my friend who also got sick at the same time I did.

Making tea from Chaga – an Alaskan mushroom – has been so incredibly helpful. I’ve made a large pot of it every day, reserving the chaga and re-steeping over and over again for the past two weeks. Was it the chaga or the fact that I was drinking a gallon of warm soothing liquid daily, ladling out a mugful every couple of hours, that helped me get better? I’ll go with a little of both.

Other natural antiviral immune boosters that might help include vitamin C, C60, and olive leaf extract, oregano oil, and Manuka honey. Since stores are closed and Amazon has stopped shipping, we have to make do with what we already have. Make a tea with citrus peels and cloves and sliced ginger, if that’s is in your fridge.

5) The word on the street is to manage fever with Tylenol or acetaminophen or paracetamol, which are supposed to be more suited to treating respiratory illness than other alternatives. Frankly, I have been taking acetaminophen as sparingly as possible to avoid putting strain on my other organs. Cool compresses work too.

Some people are saying NOT to take Advil and its generic ibuprofen, as they have anecdotally said to propel otherwise healthy people to hospitals for oxygen. There is a lot of noise and confusion in this debate, and I’m going to sidestep this thorny conversation for our purposes.

6) Zinc lozenges and elderberry syrup help with a scratchy throat and cough. A friend of mine prone to bronchitis recommended Myrtol, a German cough syrup made from natural ingredients, including elderberry. If you have a pharma protocol in place for managing a persistent, chronic cough, you are probably already on it.

7) The fatigue is real. It also becomes really hard to think clearly. That’s why it’s so important to have soup and tea and other supportive supplies ready ahead of time.8) When you think you are getting better the first three or four times, STAY IN BED.

The arc of this virus is really rollercoaster-y: up and down and up and down. After the initial alarm passes, (and it is alarming at first because you don’t know which way it’s going to go and that seizing up can make everything feel worse), I was able to focus on getting better, calmly. I made it through the first scary fever spikes, but right when I thought I was feeling better, I would get knocked down again. There were critical junctures around days 3, 5, and 7 where I was certain I’d turned a corner, and, well, yesterday.

I’d get up and do dishes, take out the trash, take my dog for a walk around the neighborhood (face covered), and try to get some work done (end of quarter grades were due at both my schools and my departments have been preparing like mad to take our classes online in the spring). Then I would feel hot and light-headed again, taking my temp only to see it had sprung back up to 101.5. You will feel better and want to get back up and do things only to get knocked right back down. The moment I ease up on drinking water and tea constantly, I start to feel horrible again.

Remember: YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY PREVENTING YOURSELF FROM DEVELOPING FULL-BLOWN VIRAL PNEUMONIA. I would say the new mantra needs to be SLEEP + DRINK WATER. Start now, to the extent that you can. Please resist the urge to get up and do things. Rest. Do your Zoom meetings from bed with a virtual office background, if you absolutely have to be on a call. But, truly, you shouldn’t because this is the time to sleep sleep sleep and binge watch The Good Place (my choice for existential dystopian laughs/insert whatever makes your socks go up and down). For the past few days, my temp has been normal in the morning only to spring back up to 100+ if I try to do too much (e.g. read: ANYTHING). When I let myself sleep, my temp goes back down.

9) A humidifier has helped. Some recommend running a hot shower and sitting in your own makeshift bathroom sauna. Steam eucalyptus or rosemary, if you have any, and inhale deeply. I just made a homemade vaporub with a base of coconut oil and a few drops each of clove, thyme, rosemary, and peppermint oil. It is wonderful.

10) My breathing never got dangerously shallow. But this virus can potentially fill your upper and lower respiratory tracts with mucous until you feel like you are drowning. A physical therapist wrote with life-saving advice about the importance of Postural Draining, a method of draining mucous from the lungs using gravity and percussion. It involves physically moving your body so that you tilt your lungs and bronchial tubes upside down and then firmly clap the back or chest. This allows the mucous to flow up out of the lungs along with deep, prolonged exhales. Then you can cough it the rest of the way out. You can do postural draining alone or have someone perform it on you. Google postural draining diagrams – there are different for positions for each of the five lobes of your lungs. Do these exercises for 3-5 minutes a day before you get too sick. You can get into position in a chair or laying over a yoga ball, bean bag, or pillows for support.

Failing steps 1-10, if you have difficulty breathing or your temperature spikes beyond what you and your doctor are comfortable with (I’ve heard different numbers), please go to the ER immediately. Some of you will develop dramatic and dangerous symptoms quickly. Please do not wait to seek care if your lungs are struggling beyond what you can manage at home. My advice is geared to keeping as many of us comfortable for as long as it takes to heal, but that obviously is only going to go so far for those who suffer from chronic conditions, are older, or are immunosuppressed. If you have a finger oximeter, and are able to monitor your oxygen levels numerically, then you will know when you have to go to the hospital. But very few of us have those, and they are way sold out.

THE OTHER SIDE

Healing from even a mild case (and mine IS mild) takes about two weeks to a month.

As my dad would day, take it easy. It is unclear how immunity works with COVID-19. Some have said that there was a patient in Japan who tested positive a second time. There is speculation that this, in fact, was a relapse and not re-infection. We need more time to learn about the virus. In the meantime, please give yourselves time to heal.

We don’t know how long immunity lasts, and we don’t know about immunity to slightly different mutated strains even if we have recovered from one of them. I do hope that we get to develop a fair amount of herd immunity in the next year, but, again, there is a lot to learn. We will obviously still need to protect our vulnerable populations, and our society will continue to bend and contort itself around the virus.

But I hope to be in a position to assist when others get sick. I will happily help you to the best of my abilities. Looking to a future I can hardly conceive at the moment, I anticipate learning more about plant medicine. Scientists will develop new antivirals, retrovirals, and vaccines. I look forward to donating plasma as part of a treatment for those who get sick in the future, whenever that near-distant moment may be.

And thank you, friends. I am good. I have everything I need. My inner circle is incredible (I love you, mom!). I have been quarantined since developing symptoms and went out for a half hour only to get tested (thank you, Howard Brown for your invaluable service). No one else I spent time with beforehand has gotten sick (except my one friend whose illness coincided with mine, and they are also struggling a bit today with the ups and downs. Please hold them in your thoughts).

May you and your loved ones stay healthy. Or, more to the point, may we all get well and stay well. Sending love to all corners.– Rachel Herman

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health update

My skin is looking better and I feel better. I haven't used steroids in a week and a half. I got some inflammation today. Probably because I haven't used steroids and possibly due to rising progesterone during the luteal phase (apparently may trigger some inflammation but I'm not 100% sure here).

My neck and ear infections disappeared 95%. My face does have some rashes, but nowhere near as bad as it was 2-4 weeks ago.

My hands may be inflamed, but look great for skin that hasn't been treated with steroids in a week and a half. I couldn't go a week without steroids or protopic since March.

I know fasting for too long made my inflammation way worse. It leads me to believe that ultimately, my eczema has a stress/hormone root cause (besides genetics of course). I'm meeting with an OBGYN next week to ask about how hormones play a role in inflammation. I'm not crazy about the idea of birth control, but I can ask about supplements like Vitex, chasteberry and DIM to see if they can help. In general being in charge of my hormonal health can be very helpful, especially in the context of stress and skin inflammation. I know reducing steroid use and not fasting and reducing stress and following an anti-inflammatory diet will also help with blood sugar and insulin resistance. We associate eating sugar and junk with blood sugar imbalances. But chronic stress and medication can elevate blood sugar. Such as prolonged fasting and steroids.

I've been eating a banana each morning. I'm taking a break from fasting, but am breaking my fast with a healthy carb. I now also have a lot of energy and can go for daily walks of 11k steps.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow and I hope that goes well. I'm also seeing my therapist and plan to go more often, because I need it lol.

I want to eventually focus on gut heath and see a dentist. I want to go with my mom. I'm going to speak to my therapist about this. I don't like dentists and feel like they either recommend treatments that are unnecessary or know nothing about health in general. Ask a dentist if they know what vitamin K2 is and watch them give you a confused look. I know fat soluble vitamins and minerals are great for teeth. Unfortunately I do have issues with malabsorption, which prevents me from absorbing enough nutrients from food and supplements. I know this has an impact, which is why gut health here is important. I'm taking my enzymes and drinking aloe juice, but I'll see how this goes and if I need to modify my protocol.

Another good thing - by following my anti-inflammatory diet, I'm avoiding foods that have hidden sugars (which are inflammatory by nature). These include sauces, sandwiches, breads, pizza, fried/breaded foods, processed cheeses, white pastas, etc... Some other foods like instant oatmeal, yogurt, non-dairy milks and coffee do too. But I get those unsweetened. With that, I'm consuming less sugar and am reducing my cravings for sugar in general. I do eat chocolate sweets, but in small portions (I tend to stick to 70% dark chocolate). I had a mocha last week and 1/4 of a semi-sweet Crumbl cookie and some dark chocolate caramel pieces. I keep the portion sizes small. I lost my cravings for sugary baked goods like cookies and brownies in large portions (I had a brownie with my mom last month when I ordered pizza and it just felt too sweet an decadent, that I had to have a healthy dinner afterwards instead of pizza). So a small piece will do (like the 1/4 cookie). I know this helps a lot with things like blood sugar and insulin resistance and even teeth. I do have a sweet tooth and I satisfy it with 70% chocolate because I love chocolate. But I keep <70% chocolate and baked goods and mochas to a minimum. I do have them but in smaller portions, thanks to my new diet which reduces my intake of hidden sugars, and I don't even feel deprived. I do get sauces that use avocado and olive oil as bases (like mayo) and I found an app that shows local restaurants that don't use inflammatory seed oils.

I'm feeling better now. I'm just worried about my skin because I'm worried about future flares and things getting worse. But I'm seeing overall improvement. And I'll go see the psychologist and dentist with my mom in the future, which is also causing me stress.

[pablice]

How I Lost 30 Pounds Following a Dairy-Free Keto Diet - My Story

What Is the Dairy-Free Keto Diet? The Dairy-Free Keto diet is based on a high-fat, low-carb eating plan that avoids dairy products due to their lactose content. The focus of the diet is to limit carbohydrates and consume greater amounts of healthy fats found in plant-based foods. This type of diet can help reduce inflammation and promote weight loss while providing a good source of essential nutrients like iron, magnesium, and the B vitamins. It is important to note that dairy-free keto diets are safe and can be used by anyone - no matter their dietary background. It is important to consult with a nutritionist if making major dietary changes or if there are any allergy considerations. With the right knowledge and guidance, the dairy-free keto diet can be followed without any problems. How I Got Started on the Diet I began my journey into the dairy-free keto diet after discovering the health benefits I could gain from it. I read up on the basics of the diet, such as the specific breakdown of fat, protein, and carbohydrates I should be consuming and the need to stay away from dairy and processed food. After researching, I was ready to start the journey and felt confident that I could reach my ultimate goal of healthy weight loss. Getting started on the diet was surprisingly easy and I was living completely dairy-free within a week of starting the diet. I found it very easy to substitute dairy out of my diet and was impressed by the delicious alternatives available. I was amazed at how quickly and simply I was able to adjust to the diet. I found the transition to be quite manageable and was encouraged by my initial success. My Initial Results When I started my journey on the dairy-free keto diet, I was expecting quick results. I found that I started losing weight fairly quickly just by changing my diet and incorporating regular exercise. My energy levels increased and I was able to stick with the diet for longer because I felt better. My body composition also changed significantly, with fat melting away. I lost inches off my waist and also saw increased muscle definition. All of this progress happened without me having to resort to extreme calorie restriction or long hours in the gym. It was a significant overall improvement in my health and physique. Challenges I Faced Along the Way At first, I was intimidated by the idea of following this diet. The thought of giving up dairy felt daunting, since I had included dairy in my diet for most of my adult life. I was also intimidated by the strenuous exercise requirements for the diet. I had never been much of an exercise enthusiast and wasn't sure I could commit to the increased regimen. I discovered that even the small changes to my diet and exercise had an impact. Eliminating dairy products and increasing exercise proved to be far easier than I had anticipated. I was able to adjust my diet with a few modifications. I replaced my usual dairy products with low-carb, dairy-free alternatives when necessary. I also started adding more low-carb vegetables and healthy fats to my meals. I was surprised by how well my body responded to the dietary changes and I started to see steady progress. What I Learned About Nutrition I realized that nutrition is an incredibly important part of living a healthy lifestyle. Eating the right nutrients can help you feel energized, stay strong, and even help ward off illnesses. I developed an understanding of what food makes up a balanced meal, as well as which ingredients can help to create a healthier lifestyle. I also learned the importance of drinking plenty of water every day and of limiting my intake of processed foods, sugars, and unhealthy fats. I also came to understand the importance of timing for meals. Eating my breakfast within an hour or so of waking up, making lunch the biggest meal of the day, and having a light dinner instead of overeating late at night had a big impact on my health. I found that these strategies helped to keep me feeling energized and ready to tackle whatever my day brought. How I Adjusted My Diet to Reach My Goal In order to reach my goal and lose weight, I needed to change the way I was eating. I decided to reduce my carbohydrates by cutting out processed foods and replacing them with healthy, whole food options that were high in fat and fiber. I also replaced my unhealthy snacks with ketogenic-friendly options like nuts, seeds, and avocado. I also incorporated intermittent fasting and implemented this lifestyle consistently so that I can maximize my progress and maintain the progress I have made. Finally, I made sure to drink plenty of water and take B vitamins and electrolytes to help my body replenish its nutrients. This allowed me to remain energized and pushing through the keto diet even when I started to feel fatigued or cravings hit. By being mindful and strategic about my nutrition, I was able to achieve my desired results and continue my journey towards my overall health goals. What My 30-Pound Weight Loss Has Meant to Me Since I first started on my dairy-free keto diet, I’ve lost 30 pounds and the transformation has been life-changing. Before this, I never thought I’d be able to stick to a diet and eat such healthy, whole food meals. And with the newfound confidence and energy, I’ve finally found activities I enjoy doing. I’m not out of the woods yet - I still have more weight to lose - however the journey thus far has been incredibly rewarding. Losing the weight wasn’t the end goal, but rather the means to an end. After 30 pounds, I finally found the courage to try new things and step outside of my comfort zone. I know I can do this and that is the biggest shift of all. My Tips for Succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet The key to success with the dairy-free keto diet is preparation. Failing to plan is planning to fail, as they say. Before starting the dairy-free keto diet, it’s important to spend some time researching recipes, familiarizing yourself with the foods you can eat, and getting your kitchen stocked with the right ingredients. Taking the time to plan out your meals and snacks will help set you up for success and make sure you have the right ingredients on hand for when hunger strikes. Another key tip for succeeding on a dairy-free keto diet is finding healthy, dairy-free options of your favorite foods. There are so many alternatives to dairy now that can make your favorite meals just as delicious. For example, there are plant-based milks, yogurts and cheeses. Use these to your advantage when coming up with meal plans so you don't get bored of your food. What is the Dairy-Free Keto Diet? The Dairy-Free Keto Diet is a high-fat, low-carb diet that eliminates all dairy products. The goal of this diet is to reduce carbs and increase healthful fats to promote weight loss, improve overall health, and decrease risk for certain diseases and conditions. How did you get started on the diet? I started the Dairy-Free Keto Diet after researching and learning more about the health benefits associated with it. I then consulted with a nutritionist who helped me create a meal plan and develop an exercise regimen. What were your initial results? After following the Dairy-Free Keto Diet for just a few weeks, I noticed a difference in my energy levels and my overall health. After a few months, I had lost a total of 30 pounds. What challenges did you face along the way? One of the biggest challenges I faced along the way was finding dairy-free alternatives to my favorite foods and snacks. I also had to be diligent about counting my macros and tracking my progress. What did you learn about nutrition? Through my journey, I learned that nutrition is not only about counting calories, but also about eating the right foods and getting the right amount of nutrients. By focusing on whole, nutrient-dense foods, I was able to reach my weight loss goals. How did you adjust your diet to reach your goal? Initially, I had to give up some of my favorite dairy-filled foods, but I was able to find delicious dairy-free alternatives. I also made sure to eat a balanced diet and to count my macros in order to stay on track with my goals. What has your 30-pound weight loss meant for you? My 30-pound weight loss has meant far more than just a number on the scale. I have more energy, I'm more confident in myself, and I have a much healthier relationship with food. What tips do you have for succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet? My advice for succeeding on a Dairy-Free Keto Diet is to stay committed, find delicious dairy-free alternatives, and track your progress. It’s also important to focus on whole, nutrient-dense foods and consult with a nutritionist to ensure you’re getting the right amount of nutrients. Read the full article

[bangtan-madi]

How do you think Seven, Zen & V would react to Reader being on her period? I feel like V would be the one to literally hover a lot and always ask if you're okay, if you need anything, etc. Seven and Zen would be the same, honestly, but I feel like Zen would worry too much and Seven would buy boxes of sweets and spoil you. Imo.

Thanks for the request, babe! Love you :) (Pssst. I don’t do V, remember lol?) Hope you enjoy!!

Seven

I feel like, while he has extremely good intentions when it comes to your period, Seven has no idea what he’s doing. I mean, you’re bleeding out for a week straight. He’s just amazed you’re still alive, to be honest.

His way of coping the first few months of your relationship is the same way he copes with everything else. At his own expense, he’s definitely cracked one too many jokes about all the blood or your strange behavior. He once found you crying on the kitchen floor, muttering something about Honey Buddha chips. He’s never let that one go.

But despite his jokes and laughter, Seven truly does worry about you. You’re not yourself when you’re on your period. You’re either in an intense amount of pain, cranky as hell, or weepy to the point of insanity. And then there’s the blood…that gets absolutely everywhere. Seven’s lost track of how many sheets he’s had to replace since living with you.

…Which also made you cry. Damn it.

After a few rounds–and a secret chat with Jaehee that no one will ever know about and a deep dive into the bloody side of the internet–Seven starts to learn how he can help you through your difficult days. He learns all about the cramps and what can relieve them, as well as what to eat and what to avoid.

As soon as he knows better, he does better. You best bet that this boy goes out and buys you all the chocolate he can find after reading about how it helps with cramping. He loads up on the tampons, swearing you’ll never have to buy them again so long as you live with him. Midol, heating pads, extra sheets, he gets all of it.

He also goes out of his way to make a show of it at the register. Stupid grin and everything. ‘Cause fuck yeah, I’m getting my girl everything she needs for her lady time. You should be jealous!

It hurts him a little at how lightly he played it off when you first got together, but he honestly didn’t know. He didn’t have a sister, and his mother was a piece of shit. He was never that close with Rika or Jaehee, and he’s never had a girl that’s lived with him. You’re his first when it comes to this kinda stuff, and the more he learns about everything you’ve dealt with–while putting up with his shit, why was he so sarcastic again?–the more he admires you.

And honestly? He falls in love with you even more.

Zen

When you’re on your period, Zen’s just as much a mess as you are, honestly. Whether it’s your mood swings or cramps, Zen is right there, suffering alongside you.

He’s a wreck when he sees you in any kind of pain. This is no more true than when you’re going through your time of the month. He hates that there’s nothing he can do to help, not in the long run.

But he doesn’t let that deter him from trying.

Being the intuitive guy he is–probably the one most in touch with his feminine side (ignoring Seven’s cross-dressing habits, of course)–it’s almost as if he knows about your period before you do. He’s the one that goes out and stocks up on tampons, Midol, and chocolate. He also forbids you from drinking any sort of caffeine or dairy, knowing that those don’t help your mood or cramps.

When you’re having a particularly bad set of those devilish monsters, Zen is instantly at your side with a hot cup of tea (decaf, of course) and a heating pad. Once you’ve warmed up and the pain has subsided, you can bet Zen is going to curl up against you and rub soothing circles, either on your stomach or lower back, wherever you need it.

He’s also the first to insist that your healthy habits not fall by the way-side. Once you get through the first day or so of your period, he helps you get back into your routines. Healthy meals and gentle workouts help your discomfort greatly, and Zen is always there to help you out with any of those.

However, when you’re out in public, expect Zen to be super-extra overprotective. Like, this boy was bad enough when you’re not on your period. Don’t be surprised when he keeps his arm around your middle, or his hand in yours, and don’t be shocked when he gives strangers a scarlet-eyed glare when they’re anything but sickly sweet to you.

Calm down, Zenny. I don’t think the lady taking the order at the restaurant meant anything by, “Are you sure you don’t want cheese on that?”

He knows how tired you get at this time of the month, so he takes it easy on you whenever he can. If there’s a chore that needs to be done, he’s already on it. If dinner needs to be made, he’s way ahead of you. If you’ve forgotten something at work and don’t have the energy to run out and get it, trust that Zenny is already on his way.

Your favorite thing to do when you’re exhausted from just being a woman is to cuddle up with him and watch an episode of anything. Well, you said you’d be fine with anything, but Zen knows better and flips to your favorite anime anyway. He loves how it brings a smile to your face and handles you with such gentle care that you feel safe and warm just by being near him.

Honestly, he worries too much and is too sweet for this world, and loves spoiling you with cuddles and affection during the worst part of the month. He’s so loving, it’s almost enough to make you forget about everything all together.

[vanishing-venus]

Weightloss Transformation Post.

Okay folks. I have had an increase of about 200+ followers in the past couple days, and LOADS of questions regarding my weightloss.

I am going to be answer a few of the main ones I got to give you guys an insight and background of my life.

I will not be answering anything that is directly guiding you on how to lose weight via my eating disorder. Sorry, but not sorry because that’s toxic and I never want to give advice on how to fuck your mental health up.

If you have questions you want me to answer that I didn’t answer here, please feel free to ask and I will try my best.

1.) How tall are you?

5’7

2.) How long did it take you to lose 100lbs?

I had an eating disorder about a year before my weightloss really took off. I was binging, purging, and attempting to restrict. After I saw a professional and got diagnosed was when I started to see progress. A little less than 5 months later, I was down 90lbs.

3.) How old was I when my ED developed?

I was 16, I started getting severely rejected by boys, my peers, and random people in high school. I wanted to watch what I ate and exercise but had no idea where to start and had zero clue about nutrition. I dug deeper and deeper into the internet and found awful fucking things that influenced my young impressionable mind.

4.) When did you get diagnosed?

I went to a doctor at 17 because my mental/physical health was declining and I didn’t understand why, and I essentially got diagnosed with BED.

5.) What does your diet consist of?

Whole Foods! I don’t eat ANYTHING that comes out of a package. I make my own oat milk, I cook all my own food, I buy organic, I shop at local food co ops, and buy straight from the source when I can. Eggs, veggies, dairy etc. I do buys select packaged foods when needed, garbanzo beans for hummus and such.

6.) What exercises do you do?

I walk a ton! I also do a little bit of jogging. Some random tummy toning work outs I find that I like, and I ride my bike occasionally when it’s nice.

7.) How do you deal with binges?

Binged are hard to deal with no matter what you do. I always try to be prepared for when binges come. I stock up on safe foods and healthy snacky foods. I like rice crackers, seaweed, veggies and hummus, chips and salsa, soup, homemade popcorn, granola, and yogurt. I try to make sure all food groups are covered between sweet, salty, snacky and spicy. When I am done binging I stay away from the kitchen and bathroom so I am not tempted to screw myself even further. I drink lots of water or tea, and usually sit down and journal shit down. I’ll watch a movie or go for a walk. Talk to myself about how it’s okay to eat, but not to the extent I just did. Remind myself that I make mistakes and that I clearly was so mentally and physically hungry I lost control. That tomorrow is a new day to make adjusts to avoid binging, and clear my head. I avoid marinading in my binge and how fucking awful and defeated I feel.

8.) How do you deal with people confronting you about your weight loss? Good or bad.

I always say that I am working really hard to eat well and not over eat. I also say I am exercising more and that I want to be healthier and happier. I try not to lie because I feel like if you lie enough, your brain starts to believe it. I don’t want to believe that what I am doing is okay or the right things.