#but even then canon is my playground and i get to pick and choose the bits i like

[vermillioncrown]

at the risk of sounding butthurt for talking about not being butthurt: going through quals really prepared me for trawling through fandom meta and research while keeping my zen

[momotonescreaming]

The thing about any of the additional stranger things material is it's literally not canon. It's all just a cash grab. So I will be resolutely ignoring it 💜

[eldaryasharbinger]

I've updated Petronilla's bio and changed her family from the canon one to her being Faraize's daughter!! (still adopted)

more yapping below the cut!!

I got the idea while I was replaying MCL HSL, and remembered that Faraize had pink eyes! It technically doesn't matter since she's adopted anyways but I thought it was nice </3

Like they still somewhat look like they're related even though they're really not, one that doesn't know could assume that 'Nilla looks more like her mother...

I also think it ties nicely with everything I did for Petronilla already, since we don't get to hear much about the professors lives during HSL and since she was homeschooled it might make sense that no one ever heard about Faraize's daughter... He's also the history teacher and I believe that it is 100% history teacher behavior

I also think this could open the possibility for Thomas and Petronilla to have met at some point during childhood, they're the same age so during HSL she was a kid as well (I might take the time to make her child sprite cause it would be so cute... And maybe upgrade Faraize's sprite as well for a New Gen version 🤔)

Petronilla got the scar on her nose from falling from the swings at the playground, so imagine if Thomas was also at the playground when that happened and thought "what a silly girl..." just to never see her again, or maybe they even played together but again, never met for a second time

I also think that they both don't remember each other as adults, I do remember a few of the kids that I used to play with only once (like at the beach etc) but I definitely wouldn't be able to recognize them right now, I have no Idea what they looked like or what their name was, I only remember facts 😭🙏 (Since I "headcanon" Thomas as autistic as well I base these things off of my own experience 😔)

I've always liked Faraize so I feel like it's the right change, he brings me comfort and was one of my favorite characters from HSL, I'd love to drag him along and make him part of 'Nilla's story <3

I also think that he'd probably try to clumsily intimidate Jason to leave his daughter alone and, of course, fail 😭👍🏻

Also, 'Nilla ended up sharing some interests with my old Candy (Kilea, she ended up being my first oc and I've developed her as her own character ever since 2015, that's why I barely talk about my old Candy,,) and since I've always liked to pretend that she was Faraize's pupil, now I can say it's because her student reminded him of his daughter and hoped for her to grow up as nice of a person as Kilea was 😭😭🤲🏻💕

One thing is that we don't know Faraize's first name, I tried to ask Chinomiko on Instagram and this is what she said (which I had expected ngl haha!!)

I don't have any ideas so it would be nice to hear your suggestions! I could make a poll with some of the names and let the community decide what we should name Faraize :D!! I don't want to pick one that might confuse others, so I thought it would be nice to choose one together<3

I actually like the way "Francis Faraize" sounds, but after checking I remembered that's Nathaniel's father's name so idk how we all feel about that,,

[4ggravation]

wait, I misunderstood the assignment. BOOTHILL AND TIGHNARI FOR THE ASK GAME!

BLORBO SQUARED HOLY SHIT!!!!! sorry if this turns out to be like a novel i'm so normal about these two specifically i promise

my first impression

tighnari: i thought he was so cute and funny but also so goddamn pale. i remember getting really into his dialogue because unlike other genshin characters he actually had a backbone

boothill: it was love at first sight tbh. i was immediately like "COWBOY??? FREAKY COWBOY THAT HATES THE IPC??" because i'm gay and southern, and as we got to know more and more i got So Much Worse.

my impression now

tighnari: FUCKKKKK. he's my second favorite genshin character. i love how kind and caring he is and i love how he chooses to be that kind. i love how much he devotes himself to his work. i love his "do no harm, take no shit" mentality. i even learned to love his fuckass bob in time.

boothill: he got me back into honkai star rail after nearly a year of not interacting with it. i'm obsessed with him. he feels like an oc because of how tailor made he is for me. he's sooooo fucked up and soooooo goddamn tragic and i love how weirdly respectful hoyoverse was with coding him as indigenous. i just. fuck there's so much i love about both of them but i'm already yapping enough so.

favorite thing about that character

tighnari: i love how fucking mean he is at times! like i said his backbone and standing up for others was a big appealing factor for me.

boothill: HE'S SO SILLY........ LIKE DESPITE EVERYTHING HE'S KEPT HIS WHIMSY AND SENSE OF HUMOR.......... also his synesthesia beacon malfunctioning is the funniest shit ever as a southerner who swears like a sailor.

least favorite thing

tighnari: like acheron, it's unfortunately his design. i get what they were trying to do but they just... didn't execute it that well imo.

boothill: his stupid emo bangs and the way that some of his dialogue is written irks me a little bit. it's very "trying to make it Really Clear that he has a southern accent" especially in his character stories, which doesn't even make sense to me because his accent isn't even that thick??

favorite line/scene

tighnari: "don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's all part of the learning process."

boothill: "in this life, you gotta believe in some things and doubt others. believe in folks' good intentions, the value of courage, and all that other hodgepodge. but never believe that these good things will just fall into your lap— you gotta make them happen."

favorite interaction that character has with another

tighnari: i don't think i have to answer this one for him, do i.

boothill: he hasn't interacted with many characters thus far, but i do really love his dynamic with argenti. can't pick out a specific scene right now though.

a character that I wish that character would interact with more

tighnari: DEHYA AND CANDACE..... THEY COULDV'E BEEN SO GOOD AS BESTIES BUT THEY BARELY DID ANYTHING WITH THEM

boothill: if we ever got canon gallahill interactions oh i would've been sooooo insufferable. be grateful it never happened.

another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

i'm unsure for both of them lmao

a headcanon about that character

tighnari: have i spread the demisexual tighnari agenda enough lately? i don't think so. WOE ACESPEC NARI BE UPON YE

boothill: he has pica and was that kid on the playground that would eat grass and sand. now that he has a cyborg body, he can indulge these whims without harming himself.

a song that reminds of that character

tighnari: pink + white by frank ocean

boothill: baby said by måneskin

an unpopular opinion about that character

tighnari: neither of his english voices are good. please hop on chinese/korean tighnari.

boothill: jokes about boothill being a cowboy/southern became stale and tacky back in may. why do you think him not being perfectly literate is funny? answer quickly.

favorite picture

2 apples tall nari + boothill being cuntyyyyyyy. honorable mentions go to the tighnari sitting emote and boothill's battle pass pfp

[dannybobany]

🎂 - birthdays 🧸 - full names 💞 - family life 💖 - siblings

Unfortunately I can only really answer some of these in full but I will answer to the best of my ability !!

For birthdays, I honestly have no idea when most of the kids birthdays are expect maybe Susie since in my head it was her birthday around the time of the incident (which actually played out over two days) which, little known fact, the mci canonically happened on June 26th! It’s mentioned alongside the initial information in those fnaf 1 papers but most people forget, so for simplicity’s sake let’s say Susie’s birthday is June 26 :}

The only other kid I’d know a birthday for would be Charlie who’s January 8th but she doesn’t really even count does she?

Full names! I mostly know these

Gabriel Mason (iffy on that surname, he’s the reason for that “mostly”)

Susie Webber

Jeremy “Jem” Lee

Fritz Hernandez

Cassidy Hicks

Honestly any of these names are up for change but I’m pretty sure these are my final choices for them, I’m glad this got asked because I like talking about Jeremy and his nickname, I think Jem is just a really cute nickname and it helps clarify who you’re talking about given the…. Several Jeremy’s

Family life! Ahh ok this is a fun one (my definition of fun is not fun)

So my thoughts are that most of the kids come from very nice homes .. with an exception to that but I’ll get to it

Gabriel’s parents in my head are this very nice very community oriented people, they do stuff like organizing food drives and fund raisers and charity dinners and all that probably because they’re also very involved with the local church, they’re very into that “sewing seeds” mentality and I think that rubs off on Gabriel in some ways, he likes helping people because that’s just what he grew up doing, he’s also the oldest of the main 5 so this ends up manifesting as him becoming a sort of parental or older sibling figure after the incident happens and the kids are sad about not being able to talk to thier parents anymore, for reference Gabriel is 12 and the others in in the 9-7 range

Susie, Susie’s life is incredibly basic and nice to me, she’s plain and that’s ok <3 she likes pink and traditionally girly things and her parents buy her dolls and dresses and all around the Webber’s are incredibly plain “nuclear family” people, the only notable things I have to say about Susie’s life is despite the fact her parents have well enough money to buy one of those fancy purebred dogs, when they asked Susie what kind of dog they should adopt she picked out a grimey scruffy little white dog from the shelter, like the kind grandmas have, and that’s her little werido dog and she named it dolly and she puts bows in its hair

Jeremy is a similar situation to Susie in that I picture his family as just plain nuclear family type people, the thing with him though (mixing in the ask about siblings) is his older brother is one of the masked bullies and that means tiny Jem (he is 6, his brother is 15) gets brought along on many teenage escapades because he just wants to be around his “cool” older brother, his brother Lincoln hates this but deals with it (and by deals with it, I mean he and Mike abandon their respective brothers in random playgrounds while they go commit vandalism and petty theft)

Fritz, Fritz is what I meant when I said this was a fun question

Fritz lives with his father and stepmother, his parents got divorced when he was 2 or 3 and since then Fritz has been largely absent from his own life, he parents pay little attention to him and at only 8 years old he’s learned to be almost entirely self sufficient, he knows how to make basic meals for himself he can do his own chores and most importantly he walks himself to school everyday… but since nobody really notices when he actually shows up and when he doesn’t on occasion Fritz will simply choose not to go to school and since his parents never show up to parent teacher conferences he doesn’t see many consequences for this, there’s also the matter of going home every day, but much of the time Fritz instead of going home just goes to Freddy’s since he really likes the place and it’s not a far walk from his school, after awhile of this behavior and the noticeable lack of parents watching him the employees at Freddy’s take notice of him and take turns watching him to make sure he’s alright since nobody else is… plenty of the time they’ll just get him a slice of pizza and a drink on the house because they feel bad, leaving Fritz to spend his questionably acquired money at the arcade instead

Fritz is one of the only kids I’ve really thought about at length like this.. other then

Cassidy! Cassidy lives with her dad, her mom died shortly after she was born so that leaves her dad Richard a single father, Richard is also a nurse and often struggles with his work schedule since the local hospital is permanently understaffed for nurses and they never seem to need him at convenient times of day… babysitters are expensive and Richard doesn’t have reliable friends or family, luckily Freddy fazbears provides surprisingly good childcare? He feels bad about leaving his daughter in a pizzeria while he’s at work but he doesn’t really have another option since there’s no decent cheap childcare in their town and well like I said, Freddy’s is genuinely the best option, not exactly on par with a real daycare.. but close! Well, right up until the murders that is…

Richard never stopped blaming himself

ANYWAY !!! Those were my general answers, unfortunately I am still missing information on some of the kids but for ones like Fritz and Cassidy I am joyful to share their stories :}!! Like I said any of this could change at any time but right now this is what it is <3 thank you for the ask! Terribly sorry to end on such a depressing note but that’s fnaf I guess

[ladysilence]

Flight of Icarus

So, I just finished "Flight of Icarus", the Eddie Munson Stranger Things book. I have to say... It wasn't bad. I liked it. I do and don't understand some of the negative opinions toward it though. Call me old and jaded, but anyone saying that Eddie is out of character has an odd idea what out of character means. Take it from someone who grew up watching soap operas, where I'd watch a character that I adored get utterly destroyed by a new writer every few years. (And that would be before head injuries, amnesia, and recasts, lol) This honestly feels like it was just Eddie evolving into the one we see on the screen. Were there missteps along the way? Sure. But if there wasn't, there wouldn't be a book. Call it a cash grab all you want, and I totally agree that it is, but then again, all merchandise is exactly that, you know?

(And if you decide to keep reading this babbling hot mess, there will likely be spoilers.)

The thing is, all of the "Eddies" many of us have built up in our head canons were built on the shoulders of those on/involved with the show and of course fanfic writers. This is no different. It's just officially licensed. Does it make it canon? As far as I'm aware, not yet. But then again, even if it is, who cares? No fanfic is canon, no matter how hard someone tries to keep the setting in check. It's all AU. It is ALWAYS AU. We pick and choose our headcanons for the content we create as fans. I've done it for years with Buffy, Marvel, Smallville, comics, various anime, old obscure shows most people that may see this will never have even heard of and more... We gravitate toward the parts we love and either discard or "fix" the stuff we don't like. Inserting new characters to help tell the narrative we want. Or maybe there is no new character and we've just thrust the characters into a scenario that never could have happened without our own particular imaginations. We see all the nuggets in his character that gravitate towards us and then we end up coming to our own conclusions on what they mean. Is he this or that? Did he have game or not? If it wasn't explicitly said in the show (or whatever the Duffers consider canon) then it's all headcanon. It just so happens that in some cases a lot of other fans agree on certain takes. Does it make any of them wrong? I mean, technically yes, but only in the sense that it wasn't officially confirmed. But who cares? Fandom is fandom and we do what we do. But in the end, these characters aren't ours, no matter how much better some fans write them. We're just messing around in another person's playground.

Where am I going with this? I don't know. It's freaking too early in the morning (for me and my schedule anyway) and I keep seeing people upset or freaking out about this book. By the way, to anyone creating blogs just to be some kind of "truther" to pick on people who don't like the book? Dude, go out and touch some grass. Attacking anyone for liking or disliking this book is real fuckcanoe energy. And for those upset about the book, it's understandable to be disappointed. Just please do your best not to let it ruin your fun with your headcanons if you read it. No form of media deserves to take your mental energy and make you feel crummy. To those that enjoy it, cool, welcome to the club. We have cookies. (Ok, there are cookies for everyone, except the bullies. They get nothing.) Basically, I'm just saying... um... Don't be a dick to anyone. Don't let the stuff you don't like take up too much of your thought and feelings, because you deserve better than that. Even though I'm in the enjoyed it camp, I have been where you are for other fandoms. It's not worth it in the long run to let it get to you. (I have survived the Buffy, Smallville, and Supernatural fandoms. I have scars. Join us and other headcanoners that survived the various fandom trenches over the many decades of time... We have cake. And alcohol. Lots of it. Well, we may be short on alcohol. I mean, Supernatural was on for a long time...)

So there was some actual story thoughts I had too, so I guess I'll ramble about them here.

Paige is... Paige. I didn't hate her or love her. She served her purpose, story wise, such as it is. With more to flesh her out she could have been a better character. Maybe she'll grow on me on re-reads. It was typical "they both have something the other wants" scenario. It was honestly pretty paint by numbers. She wasn't a villain or anything like that.

Character wise...

Ronnie. I liked Ronnie the most outside of Eddie & Wayne. It was nice to see some aro(/ace?) rep, even if it wasn't super focused on. But then again, it didn't have to be since she wasn't the lead character. Still, there was a nice dynamic with Eddie and her. (Obviously not as good as say Steve and Robin as many point out. But we've had two seasons with them and actual actors with chemistry to make that as good as it is.) I'm not fond of the ending between her and Eddie, but it's honestly believable. When things are broken you can't always repair them. Even if you do, it's still never 100% fixed.

Al. Fuck that guy. I mean, I went in knowing I was going to hate him and it was nice to have a character to legitimately hate. He was a piece of shit. He currently wears the crown of King Fuckcanoe. May he drift away along the river of Fuckoffwithya and into the ocean of Dieinafirewithacrowbartothenuts. Give me a few hours and I could ramble on about how much I hate him. Give me a day and I could write a stupid fic with the most outlandish punishment I can think of... Not sure which is a better (worse?) punishment...

Principal Higgins... yeah, he can get in that canoe too. Along with Tommy H and his daddy's car dealership. You know what, throw in anyone that kept treating Eddie like crap. Sure, the canoe won't fit everyone, but if it sinks and takes them all with it, will they be missed? No. If all else fails, I'm pretty sure I know of a cornfield waiting for all of them.

Reefer Rick was pretty much exactly what I expected. I dug him.

Wayne is Wayne. I love him. Will always love him. I would have liked more of him than we got.

Eddie... Look, I loved him in this. It really was just him getting caught up in the fairytale, something anyone in his situation might do. The journey to be the Eddie in the show is there and you see it at the end of the book, but all those other bits of him are still in there, just scattered about. This is a guy who got hit by a whirlwind of events. His shitty dad, the shitty bible thumping townies, their kids that are the poster children for how some people should never ever have children, an apparently hot girl who genuinely likes him and sees something in him besides his name, and the hope that maybe just maybe he could have something more. What teenager didn't have dreams of something more? (I mean, I wanted to be a rockstar too, but then again, I was like 8 or something and wanted to be a rockstar princess lawyer. Look, Jem and She-Ra were my idols as a kid, okay? My point still stands. Also, I'm not sure why I wanted to be a lawyer too, but I remember it was a thing with me. Maybe it was inspired by one of Barbie's power suits, I don't know. Anyway, back to Eddie.) When you get treated the way Eddie apparently did all his life, the fairytale is sometimes all you have (or think you have). Throw in teenage hormones and dumb teenage brain things, you get Eddie Munson as he was in this story.

Does the author have something against descriptions? Like everyone was so... vague. It honestly felt like a reader fic to some degree with how little details there are to people's visuals. Maybe it was a script writing habit bleeding through or something. I don't know, but it bugged the hell out of me. I don't need a ton of purple prose, but give me some details, sheesh.

The little cameos... Hopper was good. Chrissy's just added a bit more weight to some headcanony thoughts I had. The Byers boys were nifty.

Now for the negatives, nitpicks, and random thoughts...

No justice for Unnamed Freak. I know, there's an idea that it's Dougie, but that'd make him a super senior too, and there were no hints to that being a thing for him. So, I don't think I can think of them as the same character. (Seriously though, the guy had freaking lines on the show, HE DESEREVES A NAME.)

The timeline being possibly off. It takes place in May of 84, and Eddie lives in his dad's house during it, which should mean it's a timeline problem with the Upside Down and Eddie's guitar. But... maybe I need to reread it again to be sure, it could just be that he moved back to the house when he turned 18 (which could have happened after Will went missing). Maybe he was still living with Wayne when Will goes missing, hence the "time locked" ness of his stuff at the trailer in the Upside Down. I don't know. Just a thought. Or maybe it was just a plot hole no one caught before sending it to print. *shrug*

I didn't mind how off the rails and a bit over the top the main plot was. Honestly with a world filled with psychics and other dimensional monsters, it makes sense. Hawkins is essentially a freaking Hellmouth... (Stop, brain. No plot bunnies for you.) Will I reread it? Yeah, probably. Will I incorporate any of it into any fic I actually finish? Most likely. I've had thoughts and there's actually a lot of neat stuff to work with in my opinion.

I also listened to the audio book and the narrator did a solid job. Just saying. I could hear some Eddie in there.

So... yeah. That was my mess of an opinion on this whole thing. Sorry if you read it. Also, really, sorry if I accidentally got under anyone's skin. I truly didn't mean to. I'm just half asleep and letting my thoughts go on a tornadic journey of wtfery. I'm going to go return to my little lurker bubble now.

[the-dream-team]

Chlorine

A fluffy little one-shot for @efkgirldetective's summer of jily week two prompt: swimming with friends // Today we're younger than we're ever gonna be <3

“What in Merlin’s name is that smell?” gagged Sirius, bringing his towel up to cover his nose.

Mary swotted him with a bright green foam noodle. “That’s just the chlorine, you knob. It’s a chemical Muggles use to keep the water clean.”

“The water’s not clean?” squeaked Peter, his beady eyes widening.

“Take a look around Pettigrew,” laughed Mary, gesturing wildly. “There are about a trillion little kids running around with saggy trunks and juice-stained mouths, it’s not exactly the Prefect’s bathroom here.”

The group of teenagers took a moment to survey their surroundings. Sirius was right, the thick summer air reeked of chlorine wafting from unnaturally electric blue swimming pools, packed with screaming children, brightly colored floaties, and haggard parents. Behind the main pool, reaching up to the sky, stood two impressive slides, winding and bending in every direction before opening up into a smaller basin. Once every minute, the slide discarded a new, squealing child into the water with an eruptive splash.

Lily eyed the Muggle kids with some trepidation. “Are we too old to be here?” she asked, eyes shifting as she clutched her copy of Herbology for Potioneers a little closer to her chest. “It feels like everyone else is about a decade younger than us.”

“Don’t worry too much about that, Evans,” said James, a bright smile aimed in her direction. “Today we’re younger than we’re ever going to be, anyway!” He nudged her affectionately, resulting in a rosy hue that spread across her cheeks as their bare shoulders made contact.

“Alright,” announced Remus after barely dodging a rogue beach ball, “let’s find a place to put our towels before these buggers realize we’re easy targets.”

They managed to snag a row of plastic lounge chairs beside the wave pool to dump their belongings on before Sirius set his sights on the towering waterslides across the park.

“You said these slides were crazy fast, right MacDonald?” Sirius asked, a dangerous gleam in his eye.

“They’re the fastest in Britain,” grinned Mary, tossing her sunnies aside. “And you get some serious air on your way out, it’s the closest thing Muggles have to flying, I’d argue.”

Lily tensed and quickly diverted her attention to her book, though her eyes remained still as she stared at the pages. Almost no one noticed her sudden discomfort.

“That’s bloody brilliant,” grinned Sirius. “Last one to the top has to buy us a round of those mushie drinks.”

“They’re called slushies, Padfoot.”

“Call them whatever you want, Moony, but I want a blue one.” Sirius discarded his t-shirt onto a chair and kicked off his sandals in preperation. “Prongs, do you think we could convince the lifeguards to let us go down the slides together?”

But James wasn’t paying attention to Sirius. “Nah, go ahead without me,” he said, eyes trained on Lily as she continued intently staring at her book. “I think I’m gonna start out a little slower with the lazy river. Evans, care to keep me company?”

Lily’s eyes snapped up to see Sirius’ dropped jaw, Mary’s raised eyebrows, and James’ steady smile.

“Oh,” she said, her voice finding a higher octave than usual, “sure, I could join you.”

“Fine,” grumbled Sirius, pulling the others along with him, “but I’m coming to find you at that dopey river after our first round on the slides. I won’t let you be boring all day, Prongs.”

James shrugged, barely paying the others any mind as he extended a hand to Lily. She watched their friends saunter off before accepting his help to stand up.

“Hold on there, Evans,” said James, plucking her book from her hands and tossing it back onto their pile of towels, “I can’t have you doing homework; today is all about having fun!”

“Then why aren’t you going with the others to the slides?”

He paused, considering her question with a smile. “Because you’re way more fun than a couple of waterslides.”

Before she had a chance to respond, James pulled her away from the chairs and towards the center of the park, their bare feet slapping against sizzling cement as they navigated around young children and indifferent lifeguards.

The lazy river lived directly across from the concession stand, perfectly situated for parents who wanted to keep an eye on their floating kids while they enjoyed a cool beer and a basket of hot chips. The river wound itself around an impressive structure resembling a fairytale castle, complete with canons that sprayed water onto passerbys and waterfalls that poured over plastered mountainsides and into its surrounding moat.

At the water’s edge sat a pile of tubes, growing hot under the unrelenting midday sun. James released Lily’s hand to secure them two floats, missing her subtle disappointed huff at the loss of his grip when he turned his back on her. But by the time he handed over her tube, she’d managed to rearrange her face into a neutral smile.

“After you, Evans,” he said with a little bow, extending an arm towards the gently rolling river.

She rolled her eyes at the exaggerated chivalry, but stepped forward nonetheless, carefully placing her tube in the water and lowering herself into the center. The water, cool and refreshing, lapped against her backside and kissed her heels as she hung her legs over the tempered rubber.

James took a different approach, choosing to throw his own tube unceremoniously into the water before giving himself a running start to cannonball onto it. Lily screeched as he nearly jumped directly on top of her.

“You prat!” she laughed, splashing water on his face, covering his glasses in little droplets.

“You know you love me,” he teased, a glint in his eye.

The pink glow that spread across her cheeks could have passed as a light sunburn, but the way James’ eyes flashed suggested he’d picked up on the truth. His dimples appeared despite the attempt to keep his grin at bay.

“So, Potter,” she started, choosing to change the subject, “what drew you to the lazy river, other than the obvious similarities you share?”

James drove an imaginary dagger into his chest. “You wound me, Evans! But if you must know, I thought it’d be the perfect place to chat with you.”

If the river’s current hadn’t continued pulling them along, Lily might have thought time had stood still. “To chat?”

“Yeah,” he responded as though it were obvious, “the playground would be too noisy with all the kids running around, it seems like we would’ve spent more time underwater than above it at the wave pool, and the hot tubs are simply not weather appropriate.”

“With me?”

It was finally James’ turn to look surprised. “Of course! I’ve spent my whole summer mucking about with the boys, but I’ve hardly seen you since Peter’s party and I missed talking with you.”

Lily tried passing off her pleased burst of laughter as a scoff. “I always forget how forthright you are.”

“I’m an open book,” he replied, sticking her with a pointed stare she couldn’t see as she averted her own gaze, attempting to hide her growing blush he had already clocked.

“I wish I could be more like that,” she spoke to the distance, to the cloudless expanse of sky, hoping it would relay the message to the boy whose intertube continued bouncing rhythmically against her own as they traveled in endless circles.

“As a kid,” she continued, “I loved playgrounds. Gravity melted away when I sailed off swings and soared through slides, when my magic took over before I even knew what I was. But the uncontrollable flying always scared my parents, so when my family visited parks, I’d be kept on the sidelines, hidden away to avoid causing a scene. I guess I got pretty good at hiding.”

“Do you want help practicing?”

Lily jerked her attention back to James and his easy eyes, his ruffled hair. “What?”

“Do you want help practicing being an open book?” he repeated simply. “I happen to be an expert and I’d be happy to lend my talents.”

His cheeky grin earned him a light splashing and an only-slightly-exasperated huff. “You know what, fine. Teach me your ways, Potter.”

“Alright,” he said, eyes brightening as he adjusted his position on his tube to face her more fully, “we’ll start with easy questions and then get gradually harder from there. The only rule is that you have to answer honestly.”

Lily sunk slightly into the hole of her intertube, but nodded, resting her chin on her folded arms, fingers mindlessly dipping in and out of the passing water below.

“First off, who is your best friend?”

“That’s your easy question?” Lily guffawed.

“What?” asked James, watching her curiously. “I already know the basics. Your favourite colour is forest green, you like chocolate biscuits best, and your sister is a piece of work. Now, who is your best friend?”

“Mary, I guess?” said Lily, brows furrowed slightly. “We immediately clicked since we first met, what with us both being Muggleborn, and after Sev was out of the picture…”

“I’m familiar with this part,” James grimaced, his focus shifting to his fingernails. “So, next question. If you had to be sorted into a different house, which one would you choose?”

“Hufflepuff,” she responded without blinking. “Closest to the kitchens, obviously. Next question.”

“Respectable,” he chuckled. “How about… do you prefer Butterbeer or Firewhiskey?”

She paused, catching his eye for longer than she’d planned. “You probably already know the answer.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards with a jolt of hope. “Butterbeer spiked with Firewhiskey?”

“Butterbeer spiked with Firewhiskey.”

James leaned forward slightly, his arm extending absentmindedly to reach for the cloth handles on Lily’s tube to pull her closer. “Like the ones we made at Peter’s birthday party last month?”

Their hands mingled together in the water between their tubes, pruned fingers brushing against each other as the current pushed them together. “Exactly like the ones from Peter’s birthday.”

He was near enough to count every sunkissed freckle spattered across her nose. She could practically fall into his growing dimples.

“Oi, Prongs!” came the disappointing voice of Sirius Black from the concession stand’s picnic tables. “You can’t hide from us all day, mate!”

“Maybe not,” James called back, a lopsided smirk sliding across his face, “but I can try!”

Before Sirius had a chance to respond, James sunk through the center of his intertube and disappeared under the water’s surface. Lily peered into the river, wondering if he could have possibly brought his Invisibility Cloak with him to the park, but her thoughts were quickly interrupted when a hand grabbed her ankle under the water. It tugged lightly, willing her out of her tube and into the depths of the lazy river.

Once fully submerged in the water, Lily squinted her eyes open to see her new surroundings, blue like the sky with ripples of sunlight refracting through the flowing stream, circular shadows overhead from the tubes they left on the surface, roaming away like drifting clouds searching for different horizons. A hand found her arm and spun her around, bringing her face to face with James, his glasses attempting an escape into the river’s flow, tiny air bubbles escaping through his nose and growing smile.

He pulled her across the width of the river, through a shower of bubbles from the underside of a waterfall, and into still water again before finally leading them both to the surface. They broke back into the world with gasping breaths and laughter, finding themselves in a dark, quiet alcove behind one of the castle’s waterfall features. The lazy river continued on as they stood together in their hidden cave, separated only by a wall of tumbling water. Despite no longer being pulled by the river’s current, the two found themselves drifting closer and closer to one another.

“Do you have any more questions?” asked Lily, her whisper echoing around and joining in with the soft roar of the waterfall.

James tried to control the beating of his heart, which must have been reverberating all around their little retreat based on how loudly he heard it pounding in his ears.

He cleared his throat. “Did you want me to kiss you that night at Peter’s party?”

She inhaled sharply. “Yes. Next question.”

“Do you want me to kiss you now?”

“Yes.”

She barely got the word out before James’ lips found hers, crashing down like a wave against the shore, pulling them into a riptide of racing hearts, fluttering eyelashes, and sighing breaths. They kissed and kissed and kissed until their heads spun, either drunk off the thrill of new beginnings or thoughts of Firewhiskey-spiked Butterbeer. Or possibly it was the intoxicating combination of magic mixed with chlorine.

[johaerys-writes]

Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by @noire-pandora @midnightprelude @mogwaei @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @pinkfadespirit @inquisitoracorn and @in-arlathan thank you so much! :)

How many works do you have on Ao3?

On my main Ao3 blog: 23! I also have a second blog where I post works set in the Dragon Age-inspired Modern AU I've been writing with @oftachancer , featuring my OC Tristan Trevelyan and her OC Aran Trevelyan, as well as a few others of our OCs. There are 5 works there at the moment. You can check them out here: jo_writes

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

On my main blog, 516,722 words. On my second blog, 193,953 words, but the majority of it is co-written with @oftachancer .

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

High-Flying Birds: 589 kudos (TSOA)

Where Blood Roses Bloom: 467 kudos (Castlevania)

Winter's Fruit: 424 kudos (TSOA)

Like Friends Do: 410 kudos (TSOA)

Memories and Echoes: 327 kudos (TSOA)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always!! I don't think there's a single comment I've ever received that I've left unanswered. I just love talking with my readers and screeching in my replies. I often wonder whether I come across as a tiny bit insane or overly enthusiastic, but you know what? I am both, so who cares 😂 I just appreciate every single person that has taken the time to read and comment on my works, and I want to make sure they know JUST HOW MUCH 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I honestly don't think that many of my stories have an angsty ending? Most of them end on a hopeful or at least bittersweet note, I think. I'm pretty sure the only ones I've written that have sad endings were those in my Hector/Carmilla series, You Always Hurt The Ones You Love (CV) which were kind of dark and depressing anyway. 

Playground Love, the fic I've written with @oftachancer featuring our OCs Tristan and Aran ends on an angsty note, but things do get better in the next installment, Never Let Me Go, so I suppose I am a little allergic to angsty endings XD

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The Stars Will Guide Us Home (TSOA, Modern AU) has a super soft and fluffy ending, and Fall Into Your Tide (TSOA, Merman AU) will have a happy ending too.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written? 

I've written a Witcher/Dragon Age crossover, Viper In Tall Grass, where Tristan is a witcher and Dorian a Nilfgardian mage which I thoroughly enjoyed! Also, one of the first long fics I ever finished was a Witcher/Wheel of Time crossover, which I think is genuinely the most... imaginative thing I've written 😂 I never posted it and don't think I will, but I still love it to bits and I'm super proud of myself for writing it. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Kind of? It wasn't directed at me personally (I don't think) but at one of the main characters of the fic. Perhaps it was referring to the way I'd written the particular character, I truly can't say, it was a little vague. It takes a lot to offend me, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly think I would have been less offended if the person had criticised my writing rather than the character lol. I just don't take any shit when it comes to the characters I love. They're PERFECT, okay? How dare you come into my house and badmouth them 😂 RUDE

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell YEAH! I love writing smut, it's great. As to what kind, I think that porn with feelings describes it really well. The smut I write tends to get emotional real quick, even when I intended for it to be straight up porn, so I guess there's no hope for me, hah. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, High-Flying Birds has been translated into Vietnamese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! With oftachancer, two novel-length fics (Playground Love and Never Let Me Go), as well as a few other WIPs that haven't been posted yet, and I'm currently working on a multi-chap fic with my friendo @in-arlathan , featuring Dorian/Tristan and Solas with her Elenara Lavellan, which I'm so excited about! I've also brainstormed and goblined-out over a couple projects with @mogwaei !!  I love co-writing, it's so fun :)

What's your all time favourite ship?

Oooh, that's a tough one. I'm super biased in that the ships I love are those I write (both canon and OC pairings) but if you held a gun to my head and asked me to choose I would probably have to say... Dorian/Tristan and Achilles/Patroclus? AAH this is too hard ;w;

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do plan on finishing all of the WIPs I am currently working on. I have a lot of writing ideas that I don't think I'll ever get around to, but when I actually start writing something I tend to commit till the end.

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptions, introspection and angsty/emotional scenes I think are my favourite things to write. I also enjoy writing fight scenes a little too much (and judging by the feedback I receive on them people seem to enjoy them too, heh). Lastly, I've been told that the characters I write are complex and fleshed out and that my pacing is good, and that's honestly the best praise for me.

What are you writing weaknesses?

I struggle quite a lot with self doubt and perfectionism. I worry a lot about how my work will be perceived and whether it's good enough. I often agonise over small details or paragraphs/sentences, to the point where I sometimes post just so I stop myself from going back and editing indefinitely. I have thousands upon thousands of words in deleted scenes because "they weren't quite right" or I changed a tiny bit and the rest didn't fit. So. You get the idea 😅 (Now, how I manage to read through everything multiple times before posting yet still get typos... welp)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Hmm, I have to say that I do like it when there are foreign words interspersed through the narrative if the story isn't set in an English speaking world or if the characters speak a different language, but I'm not a huuuge fan of seeing a big chunk of dialogue in a foreign language without immediate translation or a hovering text. It kind of breaks the immersion for me and I tend to avoid it generally in my own writing.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, and specifically DAI! That game never gets old for me.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

It's impossible for me to pick just one so I'm going to cheat and choose a few. I absolutely love my current WIPs: High-Flying Birds, Where Blood Roses Bloom and A World With You, and the freaking epic-length fics I've written with @oftachancer . They haven't always been easy to write (especially AWWY, which has the most intricate plot & character development) but I'm so proud of them and I've learned so much while writing them. Of my finished stories, The Stars Will Guide Us Home is hands down one of my all time faves. It had been on my mind for several months before I actually wrote it, and I poured so much of my heart into it. I still get emotional when I go back to reread it, not gonna lie! Lastly, At The Water's Edge (TSOA) is very dear to me and I often go back for rereads. 

I'm tagging forth to (no pressure!): @fancytrinkets @elveny @glimmerofgold @asiriushoe @juliafied @boshtet-juggler @schattengerissen @dafan7711 @tessa1972 @fandomn00blr @pikapeppa and anyone else who would like to join!

[bettsfic]

hey, betts, hope you're doing well! always love reading your writing advice. do you think there's a difference in how one approaches outlining fic and original work? i'm talking about long projects in both. i mean, i know fic tends to approach the emotional ground in a different way (and one aspect of it i find interesting is that fic interlinks smut with emotional development while still managing to make the porn legitimately hot), but do you think the scene order would change, for example?

for me, prewriting an original novel is something that usually takes years (in some cases this is also true for short stories). like i'll have an idea for a premise and all the details will have to unveil themselves over time. but with fic, i more or less just dive in. then i get stuck at the 10-25% mark. *then* i outline. the reason i do that is because most of the time i don't know if an idea is worth pursuing, so i have to write a bit of it to figure that out. everyone has their own prewriting process, though, and for some people that involves a lot of up front work, and for others it involves little or none. some your process changes depending on what the work needs. sometimes your process changes over time as you learn and grow as a writer.

that said, i do feel the fundamental difference between ofic and fanfic is the perceived audience. for example, i might write a fic for a very small fandom, but people who enjoy my work may read it without having engaged with the canon at all. but i'm still writing it for a specific canon with the assumption that either the audience will go into it knowing the canon already, or they're fine not knowing. i don't have to introduce the characters or setting or anything, unless those diverge from canon.

with ofic, your reader is coming into the piece on its own merit and as such, doesn't know for certain the piece's inspirations, or if it's responding to another work specifically, unless the piece in some way makes that connection known. that means your reader also doesn't have any emotional ties to your characters or opinions of them. they don't know anything about your world that you don't tell them. sometimes that can be very freeing, but it also entails a lot of work to build the necessary context and details that allow a reader to feel engaged.

as far as scene order goes, no, i don't think that would vary between ofic and fanfic (depending on the genre?), but what would vary is the amount and kind of information/exposition in each scene. in ofic, anything you don't tell the reader they have to make up for themselves. in fanfic, anything you don't tell the reader they default to their knowledge of canon.

to sum up, i don't think the prewriting/outlining stages between fanfic and ofic are inherently different; ofic just involves a totally blank slate whereas fanfiction allows you to pick and choose the things you want to take from canon. i know i've used this analogy before, but it's the difference between playing on a beach versus playing on a playground. the beach is just a bunch of sand and the ocean, and you bring your own toys and make your own fun. with the playground, there's equipment already there for you to use, even though you get to choose how you use it.

i hope this answers your question!

[sxveme-2]

The Archer // Eddie Munson

MASTERLIST

DESCRIPTION: "ℑ𝔱'𝔰 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔠𝔢𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪𝔦𝔱𝔶. 𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔱'𝔰 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱'𝔰 𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔨𝔦𝔡𝔰. 𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔱'𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔩 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯."

That's what's killing the kids-the forcing of roles and stuffing into boxes. Everyone has a place to go; who is anyone to break out of those predetermined destinies? The popular girl isn't supposed to be friends with the freak-the freak isn't supposed to be in love with the popular girl.

They had been friends since they could talk–Eddie Munson and Heidi Delgado. Inseparable on the playground, never venturing far from one another. That was until social hierarchies became a thing, and people took sides.

When Heidi moved out of Hawkins, Indiana, during the summer between her tenth and eleventh year of high school, no one expected her to return. Once someone leaves Hawkins, they're not supposed to come back. It's a place where there's no need to visit unless you live there. No one wants to spend time in a town where murders run ramped, and everyone has to double-check their locks before bed. So, when former Miss. Popularity returns to Hawkins, missing three-quarters of the family she left with, so it only makes sense people start to talk.

Eddie Munson was just aiming to graduate; he wanted to get the hell out of Hawkins High. He'd already failed to do so twice, but this was his year. 1986, the year Eddie Munson proved them all wrong. Those plans don't exactly pan out when the girl he loved since diapers returns, and darker forces seem to be at play underneath the very soil he calls home.

The freak shouldn't be friends with the popular girl-and the popular girl shouldn't love the freak. Yet, isn't that what makes a love story great?

Follow Eddie and Heidi as they not only navigate through this broken shamble of a friendship but encounter something much darker in the town they call home.

DISCLAIMER: My works are only published here on Wattpad, Tumblr and AO3; thank you!I do not own any original characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to The Duffer Brothers. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else. This work handles mature things such as nudity, sexual content, emotional distress and trauma. Do not read if you are not comfortable with these. I am not responsible for your media consumption and what you choose to read.

This fanfic begins in March 1986 and will include plot points from season four.

STATUS: Unedited

Chapter XI - Tiny Dancer

Warnings: Mentions of 18+ content, mentions of substances

Word Count: 3623

Heidi remembered the night she and Aaron Atkinson broke up like it had happened yesterday. It was one of her most emotionally vulnerable moments—like a weeping wound fresh and wanton for the world. It was the beginning of the end for Heidi Delgado, the seal that broke the dam and flooded her life with despair and malignancy. Everything appeared to crumple downhill after that night—even if it was the birth of one of her most treasured memories.

Aaron had called Denver numerous times when she returned back home, to the point where anytime the phone rang, someone else had to pick it up before Heidi. Every time the mail was delivered and Heidi thought that finally, after weeks of nothing, Eddie had written her; all she stumbled upon was another foolish endeavour by Aaron. It was exhausting. It wasn’t as though she and Aaron had a perfect relationship before the long-distance pushed infidelity—they were far from flawless. Arguments would routinely turn venomous, and Heidi became the snake in the grass, waiting for the moment to strike; all the while, Aaron sat atop his throne with an arrow in a bow pointed at her heart.

They were together because the royal court of Hawkins High had deemed it necessary, and Heidi was still addicted to that high of popularity. It took nearly a year after she moved to Denver for it to click that this was no good; the ruling she had over Hawkins all the way in Colorado was not what she wanted. Aaron finding his way into another woman’s bed just happened to be the final straw that broke the camel’s back, and Heidi ended things.

Aaron daring to even speak with the soccer star the day she returned to Hawkins High was still bewildering for her, borderline obscene. She had felt so small the day he slid into the seat across from her, as though everything he had said and done the night of July 13th, 1985, meant nothing—like it was water off a duck’s back. Heidi continued to feel his gaze boring into her soul for the days after that, paralyzing her like a statue if she saw him in the hallway. Months later, Aaron Atkinson still had a knack for making Heidi feel like she was an ant under his shoe, waiting for the inevitable death that he stoked.

“Don’t know what there is to talk about, exactly,” Heidi shrugged, closing the door a bit and obstructing his view of her house, “So…No.”

“Heid—”

“It’s Heidi, Aaron,” she interrupted, “Just Heidi. Don’t say the rest of my name; don’t say a nickname. You don’t have the right to do that anymore.”

“That’s a bit dramatic!” He exclaimed, the coquettish smile he had forced sinking as frustration overspread his features.

“I don’t think it is,” Heidi continued, “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to shut this door because I don’t have time for this right now.”

Those ice-blue eyes froze Heidi from shutting the door as he shuffled in his spot. The freeze spread through her veins and heart, leaving her unmoving and vulnerable, open for an attack. She eyed the way he gaped at her, eyelashes fluttering as he readjusted the red roses in his hand. He was trying to get her back. It was sweet, him showing up and bringing her flowers, but it really wasn’t enough to heal the damage he had done. A bandaid over a bullet hole isn’t a remedy; it’s barely even a mend.

Silence filled the space around the two as she waited for him to say something else. It was pathetic, knowing how easily she began to crumble just from the way he looked at her. It wasn’t as though Heidi never loved Aaron; she did at some point in the relationship; she just didn’t love how he made her feel. It felt more like a lesson than a relationship with Aaron; he was teaching her the opposite of what she should be doing. If Heidi was a survivor of the vice that was social standing, Aaron was the case you read about in horror stories.

“Can I come in?” He asked, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth, “Just to talk.”

“Aaron…”

“Please, Heidi,” he pleaded, voice low and whining, “Just to apologize.”

Heidi’s icy heart melted at the words he spoke and the tone. Despite its grating warnings, it was a melody that she couldn’t help but succumb to. Her legs thawed, and she tugged back from the door, swinging it open wider for the boy to come in. In Heidi’s stomach, she knew this would be one of the stupidest things she’s ever done, but her heart yearned to just hear him out. After all, he said it was just an apology; who was Heidi to stop people from learning from their past? After all, that was what she was trying to do while in Hawkins—as well as get the hell out of the cursed place.

“Abuela home?” Aaron asked as he shut the door behind him, sliding his shoes off.

“No,” Heidi shook her head, tapping her foot on the floor and gnawing at her knuckle, “Do you really think you’d be able to come in if she was?”

“You make a fair point—Hello, Beezley,” he cooed and dropped down onto one knee, reaching a hand out for the hesitant dog, “Still not a fan of me, hm?”

“He always liked Eddie more.”

Aaron’s face dropped at the comment, and Heidi inwardly cringed. He was coming to apologize, to fix the things he had done and give them both the opportunity to grow. Yet she still felt the need to push forward a malicious agenda, make him feel guilty about the way he treated her and what he coaxed her to do. On the contrary, it was also Heidi’s own way of punishing herself for going through with the ideas Aaron had forced into her head. She was her own person; she could have easily walked away and not left Eddie in the shadows. But she didn’t—and this was the price she would have to pay.

“Still in touch with that Munson freak?” He questioned, standing up and earning a harsh glare from Heidi.

“You come into my home claiming you want to apologize and then proceed to insult my best friend—”

“It’s a force of habit!” Aaron fended, his voice growing guarded as Heidi forced past his shoulder and further into the home, “But you can’t blame me for having resentment towards the guy, Heidi.”

“Is this an apology, or are you trying to villainize me for how I reacted to finding out you slept with someone else?” Heidi oppugned, sliding open the back door for Beezley, “Because, Aaron, it sounds like you’re trying to start an argument with me, not apologize.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron sighed, dropping down onto one of the kitchen table chairs, running a calloused hand down his face, “I’m not…Great at this, you know that!”

Heidi scoffed at the apparent statement he made before rounding the counter towards the fridge. Aaron had a knack for pulling the victim card—it was always the world against him and refusing to give him something. The Atkinson boy was like a venomous plant, unassuming and beautiful on the outside, welcoming and beckoning you into his deadly embrace before sinking his poisonous teeth into your skin. He infected everything he touched and left it to wilt and rot in his wake, moving on to his next prey. Heidi had fallen victim to those crocodile tears a few too many times for her to let him in that easy this time.

Regarding Aaron, Heidi had an equally as nasty habit of catching him in her snare. She wanted to make him suffer and squirm under her gaze until he couldn’t take it anymore. It was sadistic and twisted of her, but sympathy wasn’t the medicine he’d be getting after everything that he had forced her through. She had a softer nature than she’d care to admit, and Heidi knew that she had to be on guard right now, or it would be Aaron that struck first.

“Listen,” Heidi sighed as she grabbed a bottle of water for him and her before sauntering back towards the table, “I’m willing to hear the apology, but don’t bring Eddie up, okay?”

“Got it,” Aaron nodded, resting the blood-red roses on the table, “Truly, though, I do want to apologize. I was an immature dumbass when we were together and screwed up royally. We were so young when we got together, and I was still figuring everything out. When you left for Denver, I just missed you so much—”

“—Then come visit me, call me, write me, or, I don’t know, don’t sleep with some random girl?”

“I’m sorry,” his voice grew weak, borderline feeble. It was pathetic, watching how he stared at her with nothing but sorrow, “I’m so sorry, Heidi.”

Heidi stayed silent while she took hold of the roses he had brought. The petals were soft on her fingers, caressing the scars that littered them from the shards of glass. The aroma was intoxicating as it flushed her senses, spreading a bright red rouge along her cheeks like blood. He stared at her with intensity, like the thorns on the stems. Heidi wasn’t sure what to say, how to respond to him. It was almost surreal, seeing him lounge in her kitchen with his legs spread wide and jean jacket now skewed on the back of the chair. It had been nearly two years since Aaron had stepped foot into her home, and she worried she had let the killer right through her front door, the knife dripping behind him.

She stood from the table, the silence deafening as she rested the roses on the countertop. She needed to give a formulated reply, to go over every facette before saying anything. Aaron was good at gripping onto any slight noise uttered and running with it—Heidi didn’t want to risk slipping up and falling down the cliff that was Aaron Atkinson. His eyes burned holes into the top of her head as she cut the elastic band on the roses and unwrapped them while filling up the vase with water.

“Why’re you sorry?” She asked, voice calm and unmoving as she cut off the first rose stem.

“What?”

“Why’re you sorry?” Heidi repeated, looking at him from the side, eyes narrowed and peering through her lashes, “What makes you sorry about what you did?”

“Because I slept with someone else, Heidi,” Aaron started, taking from the seat he occupied and wandering towards the kitchen island, “I slept with someone else.”

“So you’re sorry for sleeping with someone else, not for hurting me,” Heidi clarified. She cut off another stem before continuing, “You’re here, a year later, apologizing with roses—which, by the way, were never my favourite flower—because you slept with someone else.”

“You’re getting into the semantics of things, Heidi—”

“Yeah, and I think I have the right to,” She exclaimed, her voice slipping from the relaxed tone, “I think I have every right in the world to take everything you say and dissect it until there’s nothing but bone left.”

The tears were an unstoppable force that drove through Heidi like a tidal wave as she stared at the boy. It felt like she was staring at every mistake she made in the past, face on, with no armour or battalion around there to support her. His cold blue eyes were like daggers through her heart that kept twisting and wrenching through her nerves, leaving her bloody and wanton for him to mould. It was brutal; the onslaught of pain snuck up behind her like a ghost in the night. Everything that Aaron had put her through was waiting behind the closet door, whispering things of comfort and sanctuary.

“You have every right to be upset,” Aaron cooed, that solace peeking through the bottom of her closet as he walked up behind her, sliding the scissors from her grip, “I know what I put you through…What I did to you. I wanted to come by sooner, but you were with that Fre—Sorry. Eddie, at the party, and I knew it would be like getting into Fort Knox.”

“And yet you found a way,” she whispered, nose growing stuffed up and clogging her words with sorrow as she wiped the snot with the back of her sleeve, “And here you stand.”

“Look,” Aaron’s voice was as soft as the petals she touched before. His skin on her cheeks was even more welcoming as his rough thumb ran along her flushed cheek. He collected her tears and kept them for later, focusing her gaze on his, “I’m sorry, Heidi…From the bottom of my heart…Come for dinner with a few of us tomorrow, like old times?”

“I think you should go, Aaron.”

“Okay…Okay,” he dropped her face and took a few steps back, “Just think about it, okay?”

Heidi nodded and watched as he crept to the front door. She followed close behind, a rose still in her hand as she waited a few feet back. Watching how he moved felt like a movie to Heidi, as though someone put a screen in front of her with all of her past screw-ups replaying. She thumbed with the flower in her hands as Aaron wandered from the house and slipped into his car. A sharp pinch scored her thumb, and she winced, looking down and noticing one of the thorns had lacerated the skin of her thumb. She lifted it to her mouth and nursed it while watching an old van replace the sleek mustang of Aaron Atkinson.

Shit.

—

Eddie paced back and forth in Heidi’s kitchen, muttering profanities under his breath as the radio droned on in the back. Eddie hadn’t really said anything since he stormed past her after putting it together that it was Aaron Atkinson who had been in the house just moments before he got there. There were no set plans between Eddie and Heidi tonight, but that didn’t negate the fact Heidi had risked herself by letting a venomous snake slide into her field. After everything Aaron had put them through, he had a right to be upset. Heidi had just hoped he wouldn’t have found out, and she would’ve gotten off unscathed.

“Aaron Atkinson,” Eddie grumbled, stopping his tracks at the roses that Heidi had finished cutting and put into a vase, “Did he give you these?”

“Yes.”

“You hate roses.”

“This is true,” Heidi nodded, pushing the vase into the island’s centre, “But Abuela loves them, so, I accepted them.”

Silence fell over the two once more, and the radio began to scratch out a song that Heidi adored. She waited for Eddie to explode, to let everything that sat on his facial features out. It was going to be messy; Heidi knew that, so she focused on the lyrics. It was easier to focus on the tunes of Elton John than the massacre that Eddie was about to unleash upon her.

Blue-jean baby

L.A. lady

Seamstress for the band

Pretty-eyed

Pirate smile

You'll marry a music man

“I just don’t get it,” Eddie whispered, plucking a rose from the water and twirling it in his hands, “What did he even want?”

Heidi pursed her lips and slid onto the barstool at the counter. She knew that no matter what she told Eddie, whether it be fabricated or the raw truth, he would give a reaction. Sometimes, knowing Eddie meant a regular theatrical performance from the boy. He was expressive and imaginative, and it was one of the things that Heidi adored most about him. He was always so exceptional, keeping her on her toes and leaving her waiting for his following comment. Heidi always wished people would just take the time to get to know him a bit more because she was positive everyone would adore him as she did if they actually heard him.

Jesus freaks

Out in the street

Handing tickets out for God

Ballerina

You must've seen her

Dancing in the sand

And now she's in me

Always with me

Tiny dancer in my hand

“He came to apologize,” Heidi explained, earning a scoff of mock amusement from the boy, “He seemed genuine, Eddie!”

“Of course he did, Heids; he wants you back!” Eddie retorted, tugging his leather jacket off and leaving it skewed across the back of a chair, “Don’t look so surprised, Princess. Do you think the King of Hawkins High could go more than a week without you now that you’re back?”

Heidi rolled her eyes at his comment, taking to her feet again. If there was anything that Heidi got consistently annoyed with when it comes to Eddie was his obsession with the breakdown of the royalty he dubbed at Hawkins. Yes, Hawkins had a hierarchical system, but it made her miserable knowing that he still considered her a pawn in that game. It was a game of chess to Eddie, and for once, she just wanted him to see her as a human, not a game piece.

Turning back

She just laughs

The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man

He makes his stand

In the auditorium

“Or maybe he just wants to wipe his slate clean, Eds,” Heidi grumbled as she plucked the rose from his hand and slid it back into the vase, “Ever think that maybe not everyone at Hawkins who has a social standing is evil?”

“Yeah, you can say that,” Eddie grumbled as he dropped into one of the kitchen table seats, “You never went through the hell they dished out, Heids.”

“Eddie…”

“Listen,” he began, voice low and pleading as he took her hands into his own, gripping his fingers as he stared up at her with those huge doe eyes, “Promise me something.”

Looking on

She sings the songs

The words she knows

The tune she hums

But oh, how it feels so real

Lying here, with no one near

Only you and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

Heidi dropped down onto his lap, legs dangling to the side as he wrapped an arm loosely around her waist. Her heart skipped a beat as he gazed up at her, and she could have sworn she heard his breath hitch. This wasn’t anything unusual for the two—they were always very touchy when before she moved to Denver. Perhaps that night that she and Aaron broke up changed that and rewrote the story of Eddie and Heidi. She prayed it hadn’t, not when the heat in her cheeks flared down to her neck. She couldn’t handle losing him—No matter in which way that might be.

“Promise me you won’t let him get back into your head,” Eddie implored, lifting his pinkie finger up for the girl, “I need you to promise me that, Heids.”

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Count the headlights on the highway

Lay me down in sheets of linen

You had a busy day today

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Count the headlights on the highway

Lay me down in sheets of linen

You had a busy day today

Heidi lifted her hand from her lap and twisted her pinky around his. It was an unspoken promise, whatever just transpired between the two. Her heart seemed to seep with blood as the knife Aaron had plunged into it was removed, the healing hands of Eddie Munson sealing it once again. It was shameful, but Heidi had let the snake take a chunk of her leg, the poison spreading into her mind and heart. Aaron had used that vulnerability Heidi showed and seized the chance to point the arrow at her, pulling the bow taut.

Eddie had released the tension but shot the arrow high into the sky, away from where Heidi stood. If there was anyone in the world who was Heidi Delgado’s hero in the hell that was Hawkins in 1986, it was Eddie Munson. She just wished he’d see that in himself.

Blue-jean baby

L.A Lady

Seamstress for the band

Pretty-eyed

Pirate smile

You’ll marry a music man

Ballerina

You must have seen her

Dancing in the sand

Now she’s in me

Always with me

Tiny dancer in my hand

“Now,” Heidi coughed, slipping from his relaxed grasp and taking to her feet, “What is it you wanted on this lovely Saturday evening?”

“I come with a personal invitation from Gareth, actually,” Eddie sighed as he readjusted in his seat, dropping his arms onto his lap, “He felt bad for judging you the last week, so he extends the invite for tonight, a little get-together with my Hellfire children and the band.”

“Do you know what time it is?” She teased, throwing an apple at the boy, “You really think my Abuela will be okay with that?”

Oh, Oh, how it feels so real

Lying here, with no one near

Only you, and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Count the headlights on the highway

Lay me down in sheets of linen

You had a busy day today

“It’s 8 o’clock, Heids,” Eddie chuckled and took a bite of the fruit, “Plus, what if I were to tell you I already talked with her?”

“You crashed her book club?”

“I knew you wouldn’t say yes without her permission,” the boy shrugged and stood up, giving her a knowing grin, “So?”

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

Count the headlights on the highway

Lay me down in sheets of linen

You had a busy day today

“Fine…Just for a bit!”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

[osita-iza]

First Choice

Tanaka Ryūnosuke x Reader

Soulmate AU: You have a matching mark as your soulmate in the same place on your body, marking the link between the both of you.

Being Kiyoko's cousin comes with its own set of challenges. Everyone's eyes always drift to her. Just because it’s been having your whole life doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you see Tanaka’s eyes drift to her too. 

“You weren’t sure what was worse: the pain of knowing him or the pain of not knowing him” 

Genre: Mix of fluff/angst

Word count: 12.2 k

A/N: I've only watched the anime, and I'm only on Season 3. Sorry if any of this goes against canon tooooo much.

You loved Kiyoko. Both your parents and hers were always busy running the family shop. She was the older one, and you called her your older sister more than your cousin. You wouldn't trade her for the world.

That being said, it wasn't long for you to realize there was a difference between the two of you.

The difference being Kiyoko was gorgeous, even by kid standards.

Her looks and maturity gathered admirers at the playground by the time she was in third grade. The boys in her class would race each other, proclaiming that the winner would be the one right for Kiyoko. She never gave them the kiss on the cheek they wanted, but she giggled with them, racing them herself.

You were six, and you didn't mind that Kiyoko got attention. You got to play with her, and her attention automatically meant that you both got to play with more friends. She was running laps around the playground with some boys in her class, an almost daily occurence. But this time, you had your own friend. He was seven, which made him a big deal in your class. And he chose to play with no one but you after school.

You were playing the wonderful game of 'dig a hole', talking about dinosaurs when you realized he had stopped digging. You looked up, seeing him stare at something with an open mouth. You furrowed your eyebrows, following his gaze. He was staring at Kiyoko. "Why are you looking at her?" you asked.

"She's really pretty!" he practically yelled.

You tilted your head. You knew that. You still didn't get why that meant he had to stare at her. Lost in thought, you missed Kiyoko and her friends walking over to the pair of you. "Hi, y/n." She smiled. "Sorry for leaving that long, the race took a long time."

"You know y/n?" your friend asked, and you giggled at how his eyes shined.

Kiyoko nodded. "She's my cousin. Are you a friend of hers?" He nodded excitedly. "Well, it's nice to meet you then," she said.

You stopped giggling when you realized your friend was ignoring you in favor for trying to talk to Kiyoko. You finally gave up, choosing to dig your hold by yourself until it got dark, when Kiyoko suggested you both go home.

It was after that day that you began to notice more differences. How your grandparents always gushed over her and pinched her cheeks. How they gave her fancy dresses and hair accessories. Your grandparents loved you, you knew that. But you didn't garner the same attention that Kiyoko did.

Even as a child, you knew it wasn't her fault. That it was a roll of dice of life that decided Kiyoko's fate of being pretty. She was far too nice for you to be mad at her.

But it made you press your hand against the back of your shoulder, where your soulmate mark resided. And you hoped and prayed with all the might that a six year old could muster up only one thing: That your soulmate would give you more attention than Kiyoko. That their eyes would drift and focus on you and you alone. That, for one second, you would get the spotlight that had always followed her.

                                                              =

Kiyoko leaned against the wall as she watched the boys practice. The squeaking shoes and shiny floors reeling her into a relaxed state after hoe much time she spent there. She was relaxed as she watched Tanaka land from his spike. Relaxed as he pulled off his shirt, far too used to this quirk of his to blush anymore. 

But her body tensed up as her eyes caught sight of the black mark that decorated the back of his shoulder. She had seen that sign before. 

She took baths with you as a kid for Christ’s sake. 

That was your mark. Everything was exactly the same. 

She didn’t explain why she dragged you to practice the next day. Kiyoko told the Coach that she didn’t like the idea of you walking home alone, but you knew she didn’t actually have a problem with it. But you loved Kiyoko, so you went along with it. 

You went along with it as she told you to stand against the wall and to focus on one player specifically, despite your protests of not wanting to be hit with a ball. But you listened and focused on the player with a buzzcut. You recognized him as Tanaka. He wasn’t in your class, but his energy was so big that you were pretty sure everyone in your year knew of him. You had laughed at some of his jokes in the cafeteria or as he walked down the hallways but had never talked to him. 

As you watched him run across the court, hitting spikes aggressively, you had to admit- he was handsome. You didn’t find many guys attractive, too scared to get your hopes up. But it was undeniable. The way he scrunched up his face when a spike was blocked was cute. His focused glare was hot, along with how he slammed his hand against the volleyball. 

Then, after finally hitting a spike and relishing in how its slam against the floor echoed across the gym, he ripped his shirt off. Your eyes immediately focused on the back of his shoulder. And you could feel your soulmate mark burn against your skin as you stared at his. 

Your eyes shot up to meet Kiyoko’s gaze, which was focused on you. With a burning chest, you walked over to her with wide eyes. “That’s why you asked me to-” 

“Yes, but we can talk about it later,” she whispered. Her eyes glancing over to where the boys continued playing before her eyes focused on you with a small smile. “It was really hard for me to not say anything though,” 

You sighed, biting your lip as you sat down. Now your eyes were following Tanaka without you meaning to. That was your mark; you knew it without a doubt. 

And that was how you noticed that, while you were looking at him, he was looking at your cousin. 

Ignoring the growing rocks in your gut proved to be a pointless feat as he looked to Kiyoko with a big smile on his face. You had gotten used to it; everybody’s eyes drifted to her. At the same time, there was a small part of you that wanted your soulmate to be different. The fact that he wasn’t different... 

You shook your head, as if to shake the thought out of your head. Finally, their practice ended. You helped them pick up the stray volleyballs, tossing them into the cart. “Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” 

“Yeah?” You looked up, breath catching in your throat as you made eye contact with him. 

“I’m Tanaka Ryu.” He smiled brightly as he tossed another volleyball towards you. You caught it, throwing it into the cart as he got ready to throw another one towards you. “We’re in the same year.” 

“Yeah, I’ve seen you around before,” you replied. You were acutely aware of each beat of your heart. God, how did your friends have a new crush every week? Maybe you should ask because you felt like you were going to die right now. 

“Why didn’t you talk to me then?” Tanaka tilted his head. 

He’s like a confused puppy. You rolled your eyes with a small smile as you grabbed the cart, ready to push it into the supply room. “Well, why didn’t you talk to me?” 

You expected him to go off with his friends, but he followed you as you walked. “You have a point,” he said, opening the door for you. You smiled at him as you pushed the cart to what looked like was the correct spot. “I guess I’ll have to talk to you more often.” 

“What? Why?” 

Tanaka smiled at you as he stepped back and out of the supply room. “Well you’re cute and nice. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?” 

You were alone in the room, surrounded by volleyball nets and practice jerseys, as your mind struggled to catch up with his words. “He’s really blunt,” you mumbled to yourself, still not sure if you were breathing, as you walked out of the supply room. 

Kiyoko smiled at you before waving to the team before walking out the gym with you. The pair of you got a couple of steps before you heard a loud yell, and you were sure of who was yelling. “Kiyoko! You forgot your jacket!” Tanaka shouted. You stopped as Kiyoko grabbed her jacket and thanked him. “I-it’s no problem, Kiyoko,” he said as his face turned rosy, “I didn’t want you to get cold.” 

He was blushing for her. She nodded at him before she grabbed your wrist, pulling you to keep walking home with her. 

A silence fell over the two of you as you walked before Kiyoko asked, “So, what do you think of him?” 

Tanaka was blunt, you answered to yourself, but he was also into Kiyoko. Instead you said, “I don’t know,” 

“You don’t know?” 

“He’s nice but...” The words caught in your throat. They would just make Kiyoko feel guilty. Finally you sighed, “I just don’t know if we’re compatible,” 

“Get to know him,” Kiyoko said, grabbing your shoulder. She had never been this insistent with you, and it made you feel worse for wanting to avoid him. “I’ve spent a lot of time with him, and I think you could really like him,” 

“I’ll try,” you said. 

“Good. Then you’re coming to practice again tomorrow.” You considered fighting Kiyoko on this, but the idea of seeing him again did excite you, so you just nodded along.

                                                              =

You were thirteen when you finally met someone that made your heartbeat speed up. Your best friend promised you over and over again that he must be as head over heels for you as you were for him. A small part of you believed her when, unprompted, he offered to walk you to the park on his way home, knowing that you went that way yourself. 

With wide eyes, your friend smiled and threw you a thumbs up before she ran off. Your hands were fidgety, continually messing with the straps of your backpack as you two talked. Your friend's words echoed in your mind as you began approaching the park’s picnic tables. Your chest hammered as you gained the courage to look at him. 

And just like when you were six, you noticed he was staring at something in front of you. After following his gaze, you saw Kiyoko... just like when you were six. 

Your gaze shifted over to him, and you could see the awe in his eyes. He never had that look when he looked at you. “I should get going. My cousin’s here,” you mumbled, breaking away from the stride you had with him. 

“That’s your cousin?” 

You glanced back at him, and the excitement was evident in his eyes and voice. Your intestines tangled up and fell to the bottom of your stomach as you stared at him. “Yeah.” 

“She’s really pretty,” he said. 

“Yeah... She is.” 

“What’s h-” 

“See you later,” you rushed out and walked away. 

Kiyoko grinned at you, standing up from the table, and she began walking home with you. “How was your day?” 

As you stared at her, you wished you could be mad at her. You wished that you could feel a white hot anger towards her. Find her soft and sleek voice annoying. Find her symmetrical face overrated. Find the way she kept her thoughts to herself aggravating. 

Instead, your gut just dropped five more levels. Kiyoko was Kiyoko, and you were you. And Kiyoko got more attention. This was just the way things were; that fact alone stabbed you in the heart over and over again. 

“It was good. I have to work on my book report today though,” you muttered. 

She nodded, walking with you to her house to wait for your parents to be done with work. You nodded along as she spoke, each word and step acting as another knife in your heart. 

                                                                = 

You became a regular at the volleyball practices. Ukai had accepted you as an unofficial assistant team manager to help Kiyoko and Yachi. The team accepted you in as well, always welcoming you and bringing you in on their activities. Kiyoko would argue that Tanaka was more welcoming and excited than the rest of the team; you would argue that he had the same amount of excitement that the rest of the team had. 

One thing you couldn’t argue that Tanaka was the one who spoke to the most now. You weren’t in the same class as him, but he would talk to you in the hallways and during breaks. You had to admit that Kiyoko was right- he was really nice. He was also funny, caring, and energetic. You both were a regular part of each other’s day. 

Except for this day. You had a case of food poisoning, so your parents insisted that you stay home for the day. Usually you were the one asking to stay home, but the one thing they disliked more than you staying home was leaving work in the middle of the day to pick you up from school. 

It was around noon- lunchtime- when your phone buzzed with a message. 

Unknown: Why aren’t you at school???

You furrowed your eyebrows before typing out a response. 

Y/N: Who is this? 

Unknown: Oh shit sorry! This is Tanaka I asked kiyoko for your number when I saw you weren’t at school 

Unknown: Hope that was okay!!! 

You rolled your eyes with a smile on your face. Of course Kiyoko gave him your number. 

Y/N: It’s fine don’t worry about it. I got food poisoning so my parents made me stay home :/ 

It took maybe two seconds for you to get an answer. 

Tanaka: I’m sorry! I hope you’re feeling better 

Tanaka: I can bring you the work you missed if you want me to? 

A warmth spread through your chest as you read his message a couple of times. It was such a simple thing to offer; something he would probably offer to do for all of his friends. Despite knowing that, your heart rate sped up at the idea that he cared about you. 

Y/N: If it’s not out of your way then I would really appreciate it. Don’t feel pressured though! 

Tanaka: Of course I will! What’s your address? 

Y/N: Just let me know when you’re on your way beforehand or else I might be passed out lol 

Y/N: Here’s my address... 

Why was this so exciting? He was just going to drop off a couple of worksheets. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

Tanaka: Okay I’ll come by after schoo!! 

Y/N: Thank you again <3 

You groaned as soon as you hit send. You always sent hearts to your friends; it was a habit. Yet this made your stomach drop. You set an alarm for the end of school, trying not to think about why you were preparing to get ready for him. 

‘Why the hell did I send that damn heart?’ You rolled your eyes, pushing your face into your pillow to muffle your complaining. Tanaka wasn’t the type to overthink that kind of thing, but it still made you want to curl into a ball. 

You didn’t know that Tanaka was blushing at his lunch table as he stared at his phone screen. You didn’t know that he stuttered out an answer when Nishinoya teased him about it. But you also didn’t know that he had asked Kiyoko for your number weeks ago, and that he had been stressing over how to start a conversation with you for weeks and had jumped at the opportunity to finally message you today. 

Tanaka had no idea how you felt about him; something that he agonized over pretty much every night now.  However, whether or not you liked him right now, he was determined to make fall for him in the future.

It was with this plan in mind that he went to the convenience store and got all of the healthy food you should get when you're sick. It wasn't until he was walking to your home with the bag in hand that he began to question if this was a normal thing to do for someone that you had barely become friends with. Probably not. 

He exhaled through his teeth, stopping in front of your house to slap his face. It was too late to turn back now. He was already pushing it with Ukai by being late to practice. Plus, if he didn't give you this stuff now, he would've wasted his money. Tanaka knocked on your door, sticking his hands in his pockets as he waited for you to open the door. 

"I'm coming!" He heard you yell from the other side of the door before it opened. Your hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, strands escaping into the front of your face. There were bags under your eyes, and you were still dressed in your pajamas. 

Tanaka would've said you were the most beautiful person he ever saw in that moment. 

"Oh my god!I feel asleep. I'm so sorry," you rambled out, bowing your head for a moment before you saw the bag in his hand. "What's that?" 

He was pulled out of his focus on you, rubbing the back of his head as his cheeks warmed up. "Oh, I got you some stuff that I know helps me when I'm sick. I figured it might help since you were home alone." 

You tried to control your racing heart, before you smiled at him. "Thank you so much! You really didn't have to do that," you said. 

"Hey don't worry about it. I was just worried about you is all," he responded. 

You stared at him for a moment, not sure how to respond. He went to the store and bought stuff for you just because you were sick? How were you supposed to respond to this? You were just overwhelmed with the care he was willing to show you. 

"Um..." Tanaka spoke up. You winced; you took a little too long trying to thing of an answer. "Sorry, you caught me off guard. Please come inside," you said, stepping to the side and opening the door. It was when you felt the breeze from outside that you realized you were wearing a tank top- meaning your soulmate mark was exposed. 

"Thanks." He smiled at you, sliding his shoes off. Tanaka began setting down some of the convenience store items onto the table. There were plain crackers, bread, ginger ale, and water. You kept your front facing Tanaka as you closed the door behind him, crossing your arms and stepping sideways to face him across the table. 

"You bought me bread?" You raised your eyebrows as you picked up the loaf. 

Tanaka furrowed his eyebrows before he chuckled. "Uh... I was just thinking of stuff my sister told me is good to eat when I throw up- didn't really think about what you might actually not have." 

"Are you supposed to just eat straight bread?" Tanaka nodded. "I didn't know that. We have bread here though, so you can bring this to your house if you want,"

 "Okay," Tanaka cringed as you handed him back the bread.

But then you smiled back at him. "It's still a really sweet gesture though. Thank you so much, Tanaka," 

His entire body relaxed at your words, and a smile slotted onto his face. "Don't worry about it!" 

You reached over to your backpack and grabbed your wallet, taking special care to keep your front towards him. "How much did everything cost?" 

"No, you don't have to pay me back." 

"I feel bad." You frowned. Though you weren't sure if you felt bad because he paid or because hiding your soulmate mark at the moment made you feel like you were lying. It was one thing to not tell him when you had your uniform on; it was another to be aware of the dark mark resting on your shoulder and keep him from seeing it too. 

"Don't. It's my gift to you," he promised.

Him being nice was also not helping that guilt. 

It would be so easy to tell him the truth. You would just have to move your mouth into the correct motions and voice out the words 'I'm your soulmate'. You've been talking since you were a toddler. He was Tanaka. Yeah, maybe you wouldn't date, but you could be friends with him like you already were. 

Who knows maybe he would want to...

 As soon as your hope came up, so did the memory of him and Nishinoya running up Kiyoko, immediately crushing those hopes. You sighed at the thought, frown deepening.

 "Hey, are you okay?" Tanaka asked, going to step closer, looking you over for any signs of nausea.

 "I'm fine!" You tensed up as he came to your side, turning yourself and pushing your shoulder back slightly. You didn't miss the way he pressed his lips together, making the guilt sink deeper into your gut. "Are you sure I can't pay you back?"

Tanaka's eyes lit up, making you somewhat suspicious. "I don't need money-"

 "Okay..." 

"But I could use a tutor." 

"A tutor?" You squinted at him. 

"Yeah. I overheard the Coach say if we're not passing our finals we can't go to some training thing. Right now... Let's say that I wouldn't be able to go," he confessed with a laugh. 

If you spent more time with him, this guilt would probably get worse. The fact that he liked Kiyoko would hurt you more too. But if you didn't, well, you wouldn't get to spend time with him. 

You weren't sure what was worse: the pain of knowing him or the pain of not knowing him. You weren't sure if there was a real answer. 

"Please?" Tanaka asked, "I'll be a good student for you," He put his hands in a prayer motion and pouted his lips dramatically. 

And it's because you have no answer to your question and his pleading soft eyes that you said, "Of course I'll tutor you," 

Was there ever really a question of you accepting? You weren't sure if you knowing him would hurt you, but you knew hurting him would hurt you too much.

"Yes! Thank you so much!" Tanaka yelled, pulling you into a tight hug. You were frozen in his arms, just feeling his warmth, before he pulled back. "Sorry. But still thank you!" 

You smiled at him. "It's fine I just wasn't expecting it." He stared at your face, and you weren't sure what he was looking for. He opened his mouth to speak when your eyes widened. "Wait! You have practice today." 

"Oh, I told Nishinoya to tell Ukai that I was bringing your homework for you. Figured it would buy me some time," Tanaka replied. As if he was barely remembering his original reason for visiting, he reached into his bag and handed you a small stack of papers. "I should probably be heading out though," 

You bit your lip, watching him put his shoes on and reach for the door. "Thanks again, Tanaka," you called out. You cringed as your voice rang out a bit too loud than the small space between you two warranted. 

"Don't worry about it- really." Tanaka grinned. "Take care of yourself! Practice is boring without you," he said. With that, he shut the door behind him. 

You stared at the closed door for a moment, finally sitting down at the table with a sigh. Did your stomach feel weird because the bad chicken you ate was eating you up, or was it the guilt? This was too much. No, he was too much- affected you too much. 

Maybe soulmates do mean something. You always wondered if they were overrated- a tradition that didn’t mean anything. However, there was definitely a pull towards him you had never felt before. A pull that took over your whole body and mind. You couldn’t think clearly when he was there, but there was an emptiness that filled you up when he wasn’t there- maybe thinking clearly was overrated. 

As if on cue, Tanaka's voice yelling out to Kiyoko echoed in your head. That, having a boy fall for her in front of you, was something you had felt before. That was a feeling you were accustomed to; a feeling you swore you wouldn't deal with in a relationship. 

And you decided that that meant something too. 

                                                                =

You were five when your kindergarten teacher told your parents that she thought it would be a good idea for you to skip first grade. It took exactly a couple of hours for your parents to not so subtly brag about it at the family dinner that night.

You remember how your grandfather's eyes shifted over to you, and they shined as he smiled. "That's amazing, Y/n!" He cooed, reaching over the table to pinch your cheek, "You're so smart,"

The pinch of your cheeks didn't hurt. You weren't embarrassed as both your grandparents gushed about you. Instead, you smiled so hard it hurt your cheeks, looking down so your hair would cover your face.

How was Kiyoko able to deal with them doing this everyday? You couldn't look up the whole night, but you loved hearing them say your name so many times. That night, your grandmother pulled you aside, praising you and telling you to keep working hard.

It was after that day that you began working harder in school. That decision that led to you getting an ounce of your extended family's attention.

As you got older, you got less attention for your intelligence from them. However, your parents always complimented you when you brought back a good test score- no matter how many times you brought back an 'A' before.

You didn't mention your grades to anyone, but you did sometimes leave the rally good assignments or tests out at the dining table when you knew one of your grandparents would come over.

And it still felt nice when your grandma would gasp at the paper and gush about how she had "such a smart grandchild", smiling at you the entire time.

                                                             =

You sat in the back of the library, body hunched over the math test that was handed back the class before and breathing in the scent of old paper. Tanaka had agreed to meet up with you for a study session during lunch. You knew you should be reviewing the material you knew he would have questions on, but you were too preoccupied with the score on the top of you math quiz to focus at that moment.

65

You got a freaking 65.

It was only one quiz. Your teacher let you do retakes, and you knew she would help you review beforehand. Even if you bombed the retake too, you were pretty much guaranteed to get an A for this semester based off of your past tests.

You knew all that, but the tears still burned in the corner of your eyes and throat. You had stayed up late so many nights working on this unit. And you were still only a couple points away from failing. Struggling in itself wasn't exactly rare for you, but struggling at this level was.

"Hey, Y/N! Sorry I'm late, I stopped by the vending machine for some snacks-"

You looked up, quickly rubbing at the tears on your face. "Oh, hi. Thanks," you mumbled.

He frowned and practically ran to the seat next to you. "Hey," Tanaka said, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," you answered, pulling out the papers you had worked on with Tanaka last time intentionally covering the math test. "I'm just being dramatic. We should focus on your studies."

"How am I supposed to focus on studying when I just saw a girl crying?" He dragged out, "I'm a gentleman, Y/N,"

You rolled your eyes. "Tanaka..."

"Seriously-" One of his arms shifted to the back of your chair, ghosting over the back of your neck, and he leaned in closer, "You can tell what's wrong. Even if it's not a big deal, it's bothering you,"

Tanaka's strong gaze was completely focused on you. Despite it just being the two of you in the back of the library, it felt like a hundred people were staring, even though it was only him. You opened your mouth, ready to deflect again, when he tilted his head a few degrees to the side; his gaze never leaving yours.

As if that action alone was the key of your heart, you relented. You grabbed at the edge of your math test, pulling on the page to place it at the top of the stack. You didn't look up to meet his eyes again, but you could feel his gaze burning into you. His hand entered your gaze to reach for the paper, pulling it closer to him, so he could get a better look at it.

"I'm sorry. I know how much work you put in," he muttered. Those words crumbled the walls you had been trying to keep up, and you covered your mouth to keep the volume from echoing in the silent library. The hand that was on the back of your chair lowered to grip your shoulder tightly. "Hey, it's okay,"

"It's just-" You sighed, never putting these feelings into words before. "I'm supposed to be the smart one, ya know?"

"No, I don't know." He let out a chuckle as the crease between his eyebrows deepened.

You took a deep breath. This was something that you had never told anyone before, and it felt like you were exposing everything that encompassed your soul to voice it out loud. "Me and Kiyoko are practically sisters. When we were younger, if we weren't in school, we were with each other. Even as kids, everyone knew that Kiyoko was pretty. At Halloween, the kids would always give her the best candy when we traded. Everyone wanted to be her friend. My grandparents gave her so much attention, and so did everyone in the world," you rambled out. You glanced at Tanaka, and he nodded for you to continue. "And then I got to skip a grade in school, and suddenly people paid attention to me. I remember my grandma took me aside when she found out and she told me-" You leaned closer to Tanaka, looking him in the eye. "-You're smart. If you work hard, you could make anyone listen to you. They won't have a choice but to at least listen to you,"

Even though you were still emotional, you couldn't stop the smile on your face as you thought of her words. You sighed, feeling nauseous. "I know that failing a math test doesn't mean I'm not smart. I know grades don't really measure that but-" The tears were coming back again. "There's a part of me that is... terrified that if I'm not the smartest one in the room, no one will have a reason to listen to me anymore,"

"I'm..." Tanaka's mouth opened before closing for a couple of moments. "I've never had a class with you, but I knew you were smart the second I met you,"

"What?" You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Everyone can see that you're smart just by you existing. Hell, me, and everyone, can see how amazing you are just by you existing," Tanaka said. His eyes darted around the room, looking everywhere but you. "You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. People that are worth it will listen to you anyways,"

You believed every word he said. Tanaka was able to tell the voices in the back of your head to just shut up, even if it was just for a minute, you had to admit that it felt nice. "Thanks."

Tanaka smiled at your acceptance. His already crimson cheeks somehow turned redder before he spoke, "Plus, you're really pretty too," he whispered, as if he was afraid of you hearing him, despite saying it to you directly.

You became aware of his hand that was still resting on your shoulder, and you realized it was resting right on your soulmate mark. This was wrong.

His eyes drifted down to your mouth, and that was all it took for your heart to begin racing. You leaned in closer without realizing it, and Tanaka mirrored your actions. His breath fanned over your lips; all it would take was angling your head for your mouth to meet his. A small angle, and you could finally experience what you had imagined so much at night ever since you met him.

This was wrong.

You leaned back a bit, just enough so you couldn't feel his breath anymore. His closeness was making your mind haywire, but you refused to leave his close embrace. "I should tell you something."

This was wrong. This wasn't right if he didn't know.

Tanaka raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to continue. You opened your mouth to speak when footsteps coming closer caught your attention. The incoming person's presence pushed the two of you away. His arm abandoned your shoulder as you both began staring at the papers in front of you.

The first-year ignored the pair of you, instead focused on the shelves. They mumbled to themselves for a moment before grabbing a book and walking back towards the front of the library, completely oblivious of the moment they walked into.

You sighed, realizing what you were about to tell him. Him finding you smart and pretty didn't mean he liked you. It meant he was a nice person. It meant he was one of your friends; any of your friends would have said the exact same things. Just because it felt different didn't mean he meant it any different.

"What were you going to tell me?" Tanaka asked, turning to you with still burning cheeks.

You wondered if he did mean it any different. None of your friends would have leaned in to kiss you. But none of your friends was as open about wanting a girlfriend as he was.

"I don't remember." You forced a laugh, and both of you knew it was fake. You grabbed your pencil before looking at him. "What did you want to go over?"

Tanaka stared at you for a moment or two before a frown settled on his face. You wanted to make it disappear, but you were utterly lost on how. He reached for a spare piece of paper. "Uh... I was confused on the second section a bit." " That stiff tension didn't leave until lunch ended. You went to class, and Tanaka usually walked with you between classes. You noticed that he wasn't there that time, and you tried to convince yourself that it didn't bother you.

"Y/N!" you heard someone yell, and you smiled as soon as you recognized the voice. He stopped next to you with a dramatic sigh. "You didn't wait for me! I had to run!"

"I'm sorry. I thought you were busy with something," you said, pressing your notebooks against your chest as it hammered. "I'll wait longer next time, okay?"

He stared at you for a moment with a bright smile. "I'm counting on it!"

If it was anyone else, you would've rolled your eyes at their yelling. Since it was him, you couldn't stop smiling. You both acted the same, but you felt different. Instead your soulmate mark seemed to burn with every word you spoke to him. It really did hurt to talk to him, but you couldn't imagine not talking to him.

                                                            = 

You grabbed your bag and stood next to the gym doors, waiting for Kiyoko to get back from the storage closet. Hinata and Kageyama’s shoes squeaked against the shiny gym floor as they continued practice, while the rest of the boys were packing up. Nishinoya yelled from one of the corners where they kept their gym bags were, "Y/N! We need a girl's opinion,"

"What are you talking about?" You asked, stepping closer to where Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Sugawara were sitting.

"Do you think soulmates are a big deal?" Nishinoya asked.

You rose your eyebrows, trying to ignore the nausea that grew in the pit of your stomach. "What do you mean by big deal?"

"Like do you believe that being someone's soulmate means you're meant to be?" Suga clarified as he zipped up his gym bag.

"I think being someone's soulmate just means that you and them will always have a deep connection. I don't think it means you have to be with them in a romantic way," you said, purposely avoiding Tanaka's eyes, "I wouldn't want them to date me just because I'm their soulmate,"

Suga glanced over at Tanaka for a moment before asking, "So if you were in a relationship and then met your soulmate, would you break up with them?"

"I don't know," you shrugged, "I don't think so. It would take a lot for me to open up to someone in order to date them, so it would take a lot for me to break up with them just because I met another person,"

"Even if the other person was your soulmate?" Tanaka asked.

You looked over at him and noticed how his lips were drawn in a tight line. "Well... even if someone is my soulmate, they're still a new person to me. If I met my soulmate and we immediately started dating, I'd also wonder if they're with me only because I'm their soulmate. I'd rather be with someone I know and trust than drop someone just because I was born with a birthmark," You squinted as Tanaka nodded. What the hell was going on with him?

"That's what I was saying!" Nishinoya said, clapping the back of your shoulder, and you tensed up as his hand made contact over your soulmate mark. "I was telling that to Tanaka!"

Suga smiled turning to Tanaka. "See? A lot of people date non-soulmates now. They even choose those relationships over their soulmates sometimes."

"Yeah, I know you're right," Tanaka nodded and turned towards Suga, "I don't know. Everyone in my family married their soulmates. One of my aunts even left a guy she dated for years because she met hers, so I'd hate to get to know someone only for them to choose their soulmate over me,"

"Wait-" Your voice made Tanaka turn back towards you, and his eyes widened as if he forgot you were there. "-Are you into someone, Ryu?"

"I... uh..." Tanaka stumbled, and Nishinoya chuckled from your side.

So that's a yes.

You forced a small smile on your face. "Whoever it is, you should ask them. Anybody would be lucky to date you," you said, "Plus, my parents aren't soulmates, and they're still married,"

"So you would date someone that's not your soulmate?" He asked.

You nodded, refusing to say the words you actually wanted to verbalize. "Of course. Especially because I would never date someone just because they're my soulmate. If I loved someone, I wouldn't leave them for anyone," you said, "I just want my soulmate in my life; it doesn't matter how they're in it,"

"You're talking as if you've met your soulmate," Suga said. You tensed up, acutely aware of the fabric of your shirt rubbing against your mark.

Kiyoko walked up, throwing her backpack onto her shoulders. "Are you ready to leave, Y/N?"

"Yeah, I'm ready," you rushed out, your body relaxing as you turned towards Kiyoko. "I'll see you guys later!"

Sugawara and Nishinoya waved, and Tanaka nodded bye at you. You crossed your arms as you began walking home with Kiyoko. "Are you okay? You seem tense," she said.

"I'm fine, just tired," you smiled at her for a second before you looked forward again. She definitely didn't believe you, and you knew that. Despite that, she didn't press forward instead walking forward with you in silence.

Tanaka liked someone else, to the point where he was talking about it with the team. You knew Tanaka. Once he was set on something, he wouldn't stop, so you knew it was only a matter of time before he asked her out.

What if it was Kiyoko? Actually, you were pretty sure it was Kiyoko. That would suck. You hated the idea, but you were still hopeful he'd listen to you. All you wanted was him to be happy and in your life.

Because you had made a decision, it hurt a lot more to not know him.

                                                            = 

"So you've been hanging out with Tanaka a lot lately," your best friend, Rika, said as she grabbed a chip from the bag you were both sharing. You and her were sitting at a table that was outside on school grounds. It was one of the few times you weren't shadowing the volleyball practice, instead choosing to spend time with Rika and work on your English project together.

You rolled your eyes, a smirk on your face betraying your true feelings. "Yes... We are spending some time together."

Rika froze tracing the pencil marks on your posterboard to look up and raise her eyebrows at you. "Is that it? Just spending time together?"

"What exactly are you fishing for?" You chuckled as you grabbed another marker.

"Oh, don't play dumb with me!" She shouted, laughing the entire time.

"I'm not playing," you snapped back with a smile, "Please tell me what you're implying,"

You took your eraser and began working at some of the pencil marks Rika had already traced over. She pouted from the other side of the table. "Fine. Just tell me how many times you guys have slept together."

You reached over the table to hit her on the arm, making her cackle. "We haven't done anything for your information!"

"Okay, how many makeout sessions then." She shrugged with a Cheshire cat grin.

"We're just friends."

"Oooookay." Rika rolled her eyes. "You do not look at your friends like that. And if you do look at your friends like that, I am very offended that I do not also get those loving and longing looks, and I want my apology right now."

You smiled before sighing. "You're gonna be mad at me, but you have to promise that you wont' utter a word of this to anyone," you said, leaning forward on your elbows.

"Of course," she said.

"So sometimes Tanaka will take off his shirt during practice when he does something really good," you muttered, "I've seen his soulmate mark... He's my soulmate,"

Rika smiled and looked like she was about to jump up and down. "Oh my god! That's amaz-"

"I haven't told him yet."

Her face immediately dropped as you finished your sentence. "What the hell? Why wouldn't you tell him?"

"I think he likes Kiyoko."

"I love you so much Y/N," she said with a shake of her head, "But god damn... You think that every person on the planet has fallen head over heels for Kiyoko!"

You frowned and shook your head. "Him and his friend literally flirt with her all the time during practice and games."

"I've literally told you that you're so hot I want you to get me pregnant," Rika deadpanned, "But trust me, I see you as nothing other than a friend,"

You chuckled. "I know, but it's different because we both know there's no chance of anything like that happening."

"Maybe him and Kiyoko both know that there's no chance of anything romantic happening between them too," Rika suggested. She grabbed another marker and began filling in some of the drawings on the corner of the poster.

A gust of wind came, and you put your hand on the poster to keep it from flying away. "I get what you're saying," you muttered, "I don't know... I've seen how he talks to her,"

"And I've seen how he talks with you," Rika retorted, "Besides soulmates are a big deal. He's not just your soulmate; you're his,"

Guilt exploded in your stomach at her words. "He did tell me all the couples in his family are soulmates," you muttered. Even if he was considering asking someone who wasn't his soulmate out, you knew that it must be a big deal if he was having discussions with the team about it.

Your parents weren't soulmates, but you watched movies- you knew that soulmates were a big deal. It was a big piece of information, and you knew you were wrong to not tell him.

"I don't know why I can't just tell him," you muttered.

"I know," Rika gave you a small smile, "But the longer you don't tell him the worse it's gonna blow up in your face. And the worse it's gonna hurt him,"

"I should tell him," you sighed.

Rika nodded. "You should tell him."

Just as she finished, Tanaka came into view, still in his gym clothes and sweat rolling down his face. "Hey!" He practically yelled as he stood next to the table. "Are you ready to go or do you need more time to..."

"We're good," you rushed out with a smile. You turned to Rika, and the smug look on her face made you instantly regret it.

She smiled. "Pretty excited?"

"It's a tutoring session," you answered.

"Sure," she deadpanned with a smile, "Wanna meet up during lunch tomorrow to finish this up?"

"Sounds like a plan," you replied grabbing your bag and standing up, "Bye,"

"Bye!" Rika called back before winking, "Be safe!"

Your heart went into overdrive as you understood the real meaning of her words. You sent her a pointed look before Tanaka replied, "Be safe too!"

He's so innocent, you thought with a shake of your head before you both began walking to his house.

                                                             =

Your body felt light as you walked to the gym, smiling when you heard the distinctive squeaks of shoes and huffing of the players. The floor was shiny and smelled of lemon from the janitor's cleaning of it over the weekend. Practice hadn't officially started yet, but some of the boys were already warming up. Ukai was muttering to himself and making notes on his clipboard.

Tanaka stopped stretching for a moment to walk over to you with a smile. "Hey, Y/N. I didn't see you at lunch today."

"I was working on an essay. My teacher offered to give me feedback before I turn it in, but I had to give it to him today," you said.

"You didn't eat lunch, did you?" Kiyoko's voice cut through, and you tensed up as you turned to her with a small smile.

"No, I ran out of time before I could," you muttered. To anyone else looking at Kiyoko, they would think she was stoic. To you, you noticed how her eyes squinted and her jaw clenched just a minuscule.

She let out a breath. "It's not healthy."

"I know, don't worry," you said, "I'm fine,"

"You've been skipping meals in order to study a lot lately, haven't you?" Kiyoko asked.

Tanaka raised his eyebrows. "Is that true?"

"I've been busy with school this week," you defended, looking between the two of them, "I'm fine, really,"

Kiyoko tsked before walking over to her gym bag. Tanaka cleared his throat, making you focus on him. "You really shouldn't skip meals. It's not healthy. You're gonna burn yourself out," he said with a frown.

"I'm sorry," you replied with a tight smile, "I honestly didn't even realize I was doing it,"

Kiyoko showed up at your side with a bento box and a pair of chopsticks before shoving the items into your hands. Your eyes got wide and sparkled. You weren't paying attention, but Tanaka smiled at your reaction as his own eyes softened.

"Is this your special bento?" You asked, and Tanaka's heart lifted at the wonder in your voice. Kiyoko simply nodded. You threw your arms around her. "Thank you, Shimmie!"

"Shimmie?" Daichi asked as he took a sip of water.

Kiyoko pulled back and placed her hands on your shoulders. You smiled at her as she led you over to the gym doors. You asked, "What are you-"

Without a word, she pushed you out of the gym. "Skipping meals is not a good habit. You can come back in after you have completely emptied that box," she said before shutting the door.

You stared at the door with your jaw dropped before you shouted with a giggle, "You're a bully, Shimizu!"

Inside the gym, Tanaka glanced at her as she zipped up her bag. "Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

She glanced up at him, staring at him for a moment with a stoic face. "Y/N does this every year. If she stayed in here, she'd probably get distracted and forget to eat again," she said as she stepped closer to him. She sent Tanaka a pointed look, but he wasn't sure what it actually meant. "She's smart, but she doesn't take hints well. You have to be blunt with her sometimes to get what you mean,"

"Uh... yeah," he muttered with furrowed eyebrows.

She looked at him for another moment before Ukai called to her.

Meanwhile, you were sitting in front of the gym, eating the bento box Kiyoko made for you- full of your favorite things. She made it for you every finals week. She must've been really worried about you if she was making it right now.

When Tanaka's eyes drifted to you later in practice, now with an empty bento box, he saw how your smile seemed brighter. He took a sip of water and overheard you thanking Kiyoko and promising to take better care of yourself. He couldn't hear Kiyoko's response, but it made you giggle, and Tanaka felt the same excitement you get as you hit the drop on a roller coaster.

As if you could feel his gaze on you, you looked over at him from across the gym before smiling. He smiled back widely, feeling the heat on his cheeks. He had crushes before, and he was always afraid of looking dumb in front of them. But he didn't care if he looked dumb as his smile got wider. You furrowed your eyebrows at the gesture, still keeping your smile as you mouthed, 'What?'.

Tanaka shook his head with that dumb smile; his heart forcing him to break the gaze and look at his bag. Daichi cleared his throat as he put away his own water bottle, making the second-year look over. "It's none of my business, but I'm pretty sure she likes you too."

"I-I don't know what you're-"

"Of course you don't," Daichi interrupted with a chuckle as he stood up, "But I think it'd be really dumb of you to not tell her soon. Heard some third-year has his eyes on her,"

"Really?" Tanaka asked with wide eyes, following the captain back onto court.

Daichi smirked and glanced over his shoulder at Tanaka. "No, but your reaction shows that you can't handle the idea of someone else."

He walked away as Tanaka froze before glaring at him. "Hey, that's mean!" Daichi shrugged at the accusation as Ukai started the next drill. 

Tanaka realized his eyes were always drifting to you, and he realized Daichi was right. He wasn’t sure if you did reciprocate his feelings, this pull towards him, but he knew he couldn’t handle you being with someone else. Not if he could stop it. 

Not if you could be with him. 

                                                                =

You sighed as you stepped off the bus, stretching your legs immediately. You enjoyed going to their games, but the ride over always killed you. You grabbed your overshirt with Karasuno's colors on it, fanning it, and sighed as cool air began to hit you.

"Hey," Tanaka's deep voice pulled you out of your moment, "I have something to tell you," Your hand holding onto your shirt froze. Tanaka looked down at your shoes and groaned. "Man, this is really hard to get out."

You sighed and crossed your arms, feeling your intestines tangle up. You had no idea what he wanted to say, but you felt guilty every time you looked at him. It wasn't right. "I have something to tell you too," you said, voice croaking through your dry mouth.

He furrowed his eyebrows, finally getting the courage to look up at you. He opened his mouth to speak when Ukai cleared his throat, getting the team's attention. As he began listing the time of the game and other details, Tanaka whispered to you, "After the game, yeah?"

You looked at him, focusing on how his jaw was clenched. "Yeah, that's fine," you muttered.

You were tense the entire game as you watched with Yachi and Saeko. Yet you were still cheering with them. Watching Tanaka now reminded you of the first time you met him. Even as someone who had never played the game, you could tell that his technique was improving, and it made your heart light up as you remembered all of his ramblings about practice.

He was working so hard, and it made you proud that it was showing.

The crowd around you cheered as Tanaka hit another spike perfectly. He glanced up at you with a grin. You smiled back at him with a thumbs up before an elbow hit your side.

You whined as you looked up at Saeko's Cheshire cat grin, "I saw that."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you muttered, avoiding her gaze and focusing back on the game.

"Oh, please." Saeko rolled her eyes with a loud sigh. "I've seen your guys'study dates." She put air quotes around study.

"We do study," you retorted.

"You also flirt the entire time," she chuckled before she looked over at you, "Don't worry. I think you're good for him,"

Your head whipped over to look at her before you could even question about how that action would look. "You think so?"

Her eyes softened as she shook her head with the same smile. "Yeah, I do." Before you could question her further, the boys scored another point, making Saeko jump up and clap loudly.

Your eyes focused back on the game. Your legs bouncing as you sat on the bleachers. It was match point, and you could feel their confidence as the referee blew her whistle.

Although it took a few minutes for them to score the point, it felt like a couple of seconds. You yelled cheers with Yachi and Saeko, about to stand up when you felt something cold and wet run down your back. "Oh my god," you flinched, turning around to see a five year old fallen over the bleacher behind you, his soda cup open.

Your overshirt began to feel sticky as the soda seeped into the fabric. His mother grabbed his hand to pull him back to his feet. "I'm so sorry," she said, "He got excited when they won and tripped and-"

"It's fine," you replied, pulling your overshirt off, "I'm wearing something underneath. It was an accident,"

The mother gave you a relieved smile before she tugged on her son's hand. "Apologize to her."

He looked up at you with a deep frown as he squeezed his cup. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you smiled, "I know you didn't mean to," You turned to Yachi. "I'm going to the bathroom to rinse this off. I'll meet up with you and the team later, okay?"

Yachi's eyes widened, too consumed with the win to even notice the interaction. "Yeah, I'll let them know."

You thanked her as you walked away, trying to remember your way to the bathroom. You sighed as you went into the bathroom; it was full of people using the bathroom after the game. You turned on the faucet, running it underneath the cold water.

Meanwhile, Tanaka was cheering with Nishinoya and Hinata. He looked around for you- the adrenaline coursing through his veins making him want to pull you close. He felt like he was on top of the world. He felt like the kind of guy that could look you in the eye and confess.

"Where's Y/N?" he asked as Saeko hugged him.

Yachi rose her hand to get his attention. "She went to the bathroom. A kid spilled his drink on her so she had to wash her shirt."

Nishinoya hit Tanaka's arm. His eyes glowed. "Dude! You should go and give her your jacket!"

"Give her my jacket?"

"Yeah!" Nishinoya was practically jumping as he explained his idea. "You give her something of yours to protect her from the cold. And while she's thanking you- Boom! You ask her out!"

Saeko rolled her eyes as she listened to the boys, but Tanaka's smile just got wider. "You're a genius!"

"I know," Nishinoya shrugged his shoulders.

Tanaka looked at Yachi. "Where are the bathrooms?" She muttered out directions, and he was off. He sprinted towards the bathroom, panting as he stopped nearby, barely missing the line of women waiting outside. He was bouncing as he waited.

Then you stepped out of the bathroom, squeezing some of the spare water out of your shirt. Your hair was pulled up, and you were left in your tank top. Tanaka smiled at the sight of you, still not used to you dressed in casual clothing. You stood in the hallway, looking around as you tried to remember the way back to the bus, and he stepped closer towards you. You turned to walk forward, turning your back to Tanaka.

His mind went blank as he stared at the mark etched onto the back of your shoulder. Tanaka couldn't think at all; his feet moved forward. He reached out and touched your shoulder, making you jump and turn around.

You relaxed as you met his gaze, a smile appearing on your face. "You scared me," you laughed, "Couldn't wait ten minutes for me to get to the bus?"

"I heard your shirt got messed up. Here's a jacket, so you can cover up," he mumbled.

"Thanks," you said as you grabbed the jacket, pulling it on quickly. You furrowed your eyebrows at his facial expression. "Hey! You should be smiling. You just won a game!"

"Yeah..." he muttered.

You squinted at him. You grabbed his wrist, pulling him out of the crowded hallway and towards the wall. He followed you without protest. "What's wro-"

"You're my soulmate."

Your blood ran cold at his words. "I can ex-"

A bright smile appeared on his face. "We're soulmates!" he yelled, catching some of the strangers around you to glance over at the pair of you.

You smiled back and rolled your eyes as he began bouncing with excitement. You reached out to his hand to pull him back towards the wall, clearing the way for people walking in the hallway. "Tanaka, calm down, you're making people look over."

"Let them look!" he retorted with a smile before he furrowed his eyebrows, "This is amazing! This is a big deal! How are you not freaking out right now?"

The small smile you had on your face vanished. You sighed as your stomach began twisting itself. "Um..."

"What?" he asked.

You knew he would probably move on if you didn't mention it. He would probably believe you too. You could move on, and he would never have to find out. However, the guilt was already overwhelming you as you thought about it.

"I already knew."

His eyes widened, staring at you. "You already knew?" You nodded. "How long?"

You pressed your lips together. His stoic expression wasn't doing anything to calm you down. "Since the first practice I visited."

"That was months ago!" Tanaka said. His frown deepening as he scoffed.

"I know," you said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

You sighed. Tears were burning in the corner of your eyes as you shook your head. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" he repeated, drawing out the words.

"I'm sorry," you said, voice choking up. "I should have told you sooner. I was going to tell you today, believe me. It's what I was going to tell you-"

"I-I-" Tanaka sighed, looking away from you. "I need some time."

"Tanaka-" You reached for his hand, but he pulled it out of your reach. You sighed, crossing your arms as the crowd in the hallway passed around you. You stepped into the hallway, tears burning as you walked back towards the bus.

Yachi smiled brightly at you. "Isn't that Tanaka's jacket?"

You glanced down at it, pulling the fabric around you tighter. "Yeah, it is." You looked over as Nishinoya's laugh, catching sight of Tanaka. His face was stoic as he listened to the boys talking to each other. Yachi spoke up again, "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you blurted out. Yachi nodded, but you knew that she didn't believe you. You sat next to her on the bus, and you listened as she rambled about her ideas for the next fundraising poster.

You kept glancing over at Tanaka, who was sitting with Nishinoya a few rows in front of you. Even from that distance, you could tell that he was still upset. Knowing that you were the reason he was upset made you want to burst into tears.

Which is exactly what you did when you got home and laid in bed.                                                              = To say you were miserable over the weekend would be an understatement. You texted Tanaka an apology, but he didn't respond.

The radio silence was killing you the most. Every time you were upset that he would never love you the same way, you would tell yourself that he would at least be in your life. That losing him entirely would be worse than him not loving you.

And here you were- losing him entirely.

Kiyoko definitely noticed the change. She had asked you multiple times what was wrong but didn't manage to get any information out of you. Kiyoko was a protective person, and you didn't want your hurt feelings to make her have any animosity towards Tanaka. Mostly because you did know that it was your fault.

You were both excited and terrified at the idea of going back to school when Monday came around. The thought of seeing him, even if it was just a glance, seemed like a saving grace. This was the longest you'd ever gone without talking to him since you met, and you felt like you needed to see him in order to calm down your mind. However, you had a gut feeling that he was still upset. And the idea of him turning down talking to you felt like it would break you in half.

He was the first, and only, person you had ever opened up to you on such a personal level. The fact that he felt betrayed by you hurt you to your core.

Monday, you were broken in half. You didn't realize how much you were used to walking to classes with him until you watched him walk in the hallways with his own classmates. You skipped going to practice that day, telling Kiyoko that you had to study for an upcoming test.

Tuesday, you felt like someone was trying to tear your heart out of your chest. There was a dull ache in your body as you walked to class, glancing at him for as long as you could before going inside your classroom. It had now been four days since you last talked to him- four days of crying and hating yourself. So you decided to try to go to practice and talk to him before or afterwards. Your hands were shaking as you walked to the gym. You pushed the gym door open slowly. It was weird to be this anxious stepping inside when you've spent countless hours in here. You looked around when you saw Kiyoko and Tanaka talking to each other. You clenched your hands into fists until your nails were digging into your skin, hoping that the small amount of pain would keep you from crying yet again. Assuming Tanaka's feelings was what had gotten you into this mess, but you couldn't help it as he stepped closer to her. "Hey," Hinata practically yelled, "I didn't see you yesterday! I'm happy to se-"

"Can you tell Kiyoko that my parents wanted help with the shop, so I'm leaving early today?" you asked.

He froze, before nodding with a frown. "Yeah, I can. Make sure to drop by soon though!"

"I will!" you called back, already turning around for the door. You didn't see how Tanaka's head shifted over to you at your voice.

Kiyoko cleared her throat to get his attention again. "I don't know what happened with you two, but my cousin has been miserable for the past couple of days. You have too. Whatever happened, make sure you fix it."

Wednesday, you were a ball made out of anxiety and nausea. After you got home and cried until you had a piercing headache, you decided that it was you that hurt Tanaka, which meant that it was your responsibility to apologize and explain. You stopped him as he was going to lunch, grabbing his wrist the same way you did that day after the game. His eyes widened as he looked at you. "Y/N-"

"Please just let me explain," you said, ignoring the confused looks Suga and Nishinoya were sending each other as you two talked to each other.

"I-" Tanaka sighed and clenched his jaw before letting out a deep sigh, "I can't."

Your hand dropped, falling to your side. "What do you mean?"

"It's a big deal," Tanaka said, frown deepening as he saw your eyes begin to shine. "I need some more time before I..."

He didn't finish his sentence, and you didn't ask him to. Instead, he turned around and walked to lunch with his friends, dodging their questions. You went into the bathroom and wiped at your face, taking a deep breath to calm down the overwhelming pressure to hyperventilate.

Thursday, you were more frustrated than anything else. You understood Tanaka better than you understood yourself. When you saw him in the hallways, he wasn't smiling like he used to; you were lucky if you saw a smile from him at all. Kiyoko had casually (but you knew she did it intentionally) mentioned to you that Tanaka was more aggressive than usual in practice. You weren't sure if he was as miserable as you were, but you knew that he was hurting just the same.

Tanaka was sitting at a table in the courtyard with Nishinoya, Hinata, and Kageyama during lunch. You took a deep breath as you walked across the lawn towards the table. Hinata and Nishinoya kept talking, but you could feel Kageyama's eyes on you as you stood next to where Tanaka was sitting. "Y/N-" Tanaka started.

"Is this silent treatment making you feel better?" you asked. You took deep breaths in order to try to keep your emotions in check enough to talk.

Tanaka furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"If it is, I'll leave you alone till you want to talk to me," you said, "If not, then please let me talk to you,"

Tanaka stared at you for a moment before he stood up. "I'll be back," he muttered to his friends before he walked past you and towards the school. You followed him into an empty hallway. You leaned against one of the walls as he stood in front of you. It was silent for a couple of moments before he spoke up, "So what do you have to say?"

You had always heard some people say that Tanaka was scary, and you didn't understand that until now. You didn't think he was scary, but his anger was definitely intimidating as he stood in front of you.

With a deep breath, you said, "I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner. I should have told you the second I found out. It wasn't fair, and you had a right to know."

"What was the plan? Were you just going to move on and let me think I never met my soulmate?" he asked. His eyes were rich with anger and hurt.

"I kept meaning to tell you, but I chickened out every time." You shook your head. "I was planning on telling you after the game that day. That's what I was talking about when I said I had something to talk to you about. I didn't mean to keep it to myself for as long as I did,"

Tanaka stared at your face for a moment before he sighed; his shoulders relaxing as he did. "Did you want someone else as your soulmate?"

Your eyes widened, and words fell from your mouth without thinking. "No. No. No. I never wanted that. I'm glad you're my soulmate."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" he exclaimed, hurt highlighting every word.

"I-" You sighed, taking a moment to collect yourself. "I thought you liked Kiyoko."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you think that?"

"I saw how you and Nishinoya talked about Kiyoko at the first practice, and I thought it was obvious," you said, tears finally escaping your eyes. "I've never had someone look at me and look at Kiyoko and then choose me..." Tanaka's eyes widened as he took in your words. You sighed. "That doesn't mean that it was right for me to keep it from you. Soulmates are a two-way street; you should've known,"

"Do you still think that I like Kiyoko?" he asked slowly.

"I-" You opened your mouth but you shut it when you realized you didn't want to say the answer. He sighed, remembering Kiyoko’s words; you needed things to be blunt sometimes. 

Tanaka took a deep breath. "Ya know, I've had a crush on you since we were first-years."

"What?" 

"I bumped into you in the hallways, and I've liked you ever since," he said, "When Kiyoko brought you to practice, I was just so excited to get a chance to talk to you. I saw it as my first chance to actually make a move. To understand why when I look at you... I don't care what anyone else in the world thinks.

"I liked you way before the soulmate thing was even involved in this," Tanaka continued and stepped closer, "You're my first choice." Your breath hitched as you took him in. His eyes were shining with the same passion you had only seen him have while he was on the court. As if he would fight anyone that disagred with him. "And I will always choose you first. No one else is even an option,"

You were frozen as you two stared at each other. "Tanaka-"

"I will tell you that a hundred times a day if that's what it takes," Tanaka said, "Because it's the truth, okay?"

You grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him closer to you, making him trip in the process. His arm reached out and slammed against the wall next to you to keep himself from falling against you. Your mouths slotted against each other. His cologne and the soft fabric of his shirt invaded your senses as your lips moved against his.

You were wrong. It wasn't a glance at him that cleared your mind; it was having him against you like this. Having him take you in and tell you that it was okay- you were okay. Tanaka's hand traveled to your waist, bunching up the fabric of your shirt as he deepened the kiss. You gasped against him as you were pressed further into the wall. His lips were soft, contrasted by his harsh movements against you. Tanaka was gentle, but he wanted to prove to you that he wanted you. That you could trust him with yourself.

The guilt that had lived in you for months dissolved into excitement. The pull towards him that you had repressed for so long, that need, finally being pushed to the surface was refreshing. It felt like you were drowning before, and this was the first breath of air you took in after he pulled you to the surface.

You sighed as he pulled away, panting as you stared at each other. He stayed close to you, lips ghosting over yours, sharing the same breath as you. "You're my first choice too," you whispered.

A bright smile appeared on his face as he stared at you. He leaned in closer, capturing your lips in a small kiss, leaning in to capture them as soon as they were released. As if he cared more about kissing you than breathing.

When the bell rang, finally pulling you away from each other, he intertwined his hand with yours. Smiles on both of your faces as he  walked you to your class. And those smiles stayed on your faces as you both went into the gym. You tried your best to ignore the congratulatory pat on the backs he got as the team saw your connected hands. But you smiled when Yachi began pestering you with questions. 

A promise made between the two of you, one without words. He would remind you of your worth every second of every day if he had to. 

And you would believe him.

[imagine-your-love-story]

I totally relate to the "my F/O has a canon partner/wife and I'm a sad bean about it".

Two of my F/Os (who funnily enough share the same source) had two amazing girls. One F/O married with kid(s). Even if both their partners are deceased I often feel kind of.. idk. Unwanted? Like. Why would they choose me when they had the perfect partners. Are they even bi or pan?? I'm nothing like their previous partners and it's really nerve wrecking when I'm feeling down.

If anyone has advice I'm kissing y'all's feet fellow self shippers. The only thing that consoles me is that they'd like someone crafty and I am furiously clinging to that qjdjqjdnwkzka

Oh dearest darling anon, sending hugs your way!

There are several things to remember here:

1. Canon is only a suggestion.

Do you know how many of my f/os die repeatedly in canon???? I gotta shake things up if everyone is going to stay alive! XD Just because your f/o is [insert label here - gay, straight, married, single, etc.] in canon doesn't mean they stay that way in YOUR universe!

2. AUs are AWESOME

Alternate universes exist for a reason! If you can't imagine your canon f/o being bi or pan, then what about an AU f/o? ANYTHING can happen in an alternate universe! :D

3. It's okay to feel bad sometimes.

Sometimes, when you try to completely eliminate a feeling by telling yourself, "I shouldn't feel this way!" it makes you feel worse!

So let yourself feel bad for a little while.

But don't forget why you fell in love with you f/o in the first place. You were drawn to them for a reason. It doesn't matter if the doubts creep in and you think, "Oh, they'd never like me." But YOU liked them first! Something in their characterization spoke to you and made you feel safe and loved.

THOSE are the feelings you should always pay attention to!

4. It's fiction!

This is your playground! When we pick up books and settle in to watch a movie, we're seeking a story where anything is possible! Dragons! Masquerade balls! Super spy adventures! An epic shootout between the heroes and the bad guys where the heroes never get hit by a flying bullet ever!

When your brain says, "LOL fat chance", that's when you know it's time for, "I make the rules!" and you craft a story of your f/o that is so deliciously decadent and self-indulgent because you're here to have fun and enjoy yourself! ♥

[gffa]

I have no clue if you’ve talked about this before on your blog, but what are your thoughts on Grey Jedi/Neutral Force-users? This can also include the original Je’daii Order since iirc they were all about balance?

Hi!  Oh, this is complicated because there are several factors at work here, and I have talked about this fairly often before, but god knows that’s not going to stop me from doing so again! As a foundation for the structure of this discussion, I think it helps to clarify the difference between Canon and Legends.  As I’ve said many times (AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN! [HOLT.GIF]), the canonicity of something doesn’t really matter in terms of whether or not something is worth reading, either enjoy something or don’t, that’s the most important criteria for whether or not you should read something! But it still helps to clarify because they are separate continuities and it’s Lucasfilm’s property, they get to make their rules.  (And then we, as fans, get to decide what we, personally want to consume and enjoy!  We get to decide whether we want to stick to one continuity or cherry pick between both.)  And this is important because, if we’re having a discussion about a meta topic, it helps to know what continuity we’re playing around in, as whether or not something is canon means:  it informs whether or not something must be taken into consideration when creating other stories within that universe, on the part of the creators. It’s not a value judgement by any means, only that when I say something like, “the Je’daii Order doesn’t exist in the canon”, that just means I’m referring to Lucasfilm Canon and that’s my preferred playground and usually the one we’re talking about, because we’re usually talking about upcoming stories. Further, when I say, “Grey Jedi are not possible to maintain in canon”, you may well have a Legends story that says otherwise or you may just simply like the idea and are playing in a sandbox that’s more interesting than the canon one and those are 100% valid paths to take, just as much as my own path is! All that established, so when I speak to this, take it in the vein that all my meta should be taken in--yes, I’ve done my homework on this, but also I’m still just one fan telling you how I see things, that doesn’t have to change how you see things.  (I know that’s a lot of non-Grey Jedi talk but I figured it was time to re-establish all that, because there are a bunch of people who really like some of these concepts and my clarifying what Canon vs Legends means isn’t an attempt to overwrite any of that!) So, the thing about the dark side is that it’s not part of what it means to be stable and balanced, the dark side is bad full stop.  The dark side exists within all of us, but it’s something we must face within ourselves and discipline ourselves against, that’s what George Lucas says about it, that’s what the Jedi say about it.  The dark side isn’t just a single bad feeling or a quick moment of anger, but it’s about letting those things seize on your heart, about letting it change who you are because you use it to justify your actions, because you let it cloud your vision. And once you step onto that path, it always comes with consequence, no mortal can balance it that way for long, that’s just not how the Force works.  There are creatures who exist outside of this--like the Bendu--but they are not mortal creatures.  (One of the Story Group members talked about this.)  The dark side corrupts, that’s fundamental to how it works. Balance doesn’t seem to be about half-light and half-dark, because that presumes that light and dark are complements or even that they weight the same amount, like say the idea that taking a life weighs just the same as saving one, when it really doesn’t.  Balance is about stability, not about scales being equal, imo.  I really liked this metaphor for it!  ( “It feels light, not dark.  It feels like I’ve finally found the balance.” –Force Collector) Further, the light side is the balance.  It’s the stable side, it’s the one that can exist on its own without being corrupted and I think that’s why it’s interesting that Jedi never say “the Light Side” in any of the movies, because it’s not Light vs Dark in the sense that they’re two sides of the same coin.  But that the dark is part of us and the idea is to strive towards the good, to choose the light, to guard ourselves against the darkness taking hold within us. And it’s one of the core themes of Star Wars that:

--George Lucas (And, as always, this is no shade at those who enjoy Grey Jedi, whether in Legends or in their own world or who just see canon differently than I do.  Have a blast with it, that’s what fandom is for!  But this is my case and I stand by it.  ^_~)

[snarkwrites]

six sexy words | reggie mantle; let me take care of you.

Notes:

Oh hello, hi. Guess whose inspiration has finally come back from the war? A while back, I was linked this really neat prompt list by a dear friend of mine and it.. Sparked a few things. So… I guess this is me, starting a new one shots collection?

All of these come from my own mind and I don’t take requests for one shots / prompts, btw.

This is the prelude to my Riverdale fic Gangsta. It kind of... explains how Alyssa wound up getting with Reggie in the first place. Events have been moved around / misplaced, etc.. Anyway.. yeah. I know nobody asked for this but here ya go.

Prompts:

taken from either [ HERE ] or [ HERE ] give or take. It could be one or the other or a mix of both at my own choosing.

catching his gaze lingering on you, i still remember everything about you, let me take care of you were the prompts used here.

Fandom / Character:

Riverdale | Reggie Mantle x Andrews!Sibling OFC, Alyssa

Fic Alyssa Appears In:

[ here ] - read at your own risk. looose af canon compliance and some kind of dark themes are present (kind of an older guy manipulating a younger girl then stalking her sitch so be warned) and are hinted at here.

Warnings:

This one is kind of.. angsty. And there are some dark hints that people reading the fic linked above will pick up on. They're only vaguely hinted at here, btw, so... yeah.

A backstory literally no one asked for, lmaoooo.

Tagging:

@BRITHEDEMONSPAWN is the only one currently on my Riverdale tag list, so…

** if you want to be tagged in my Riverdale stuff, lmk!!**

Other Stuff:

[ ABOUT MY WRITING | TAG LIST DOC - IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED, THAT IS. | FANDOMS I WRITE FOR]

I looked up just as Reggie looked down. I could feel the weight of his stare every single time he shifted his gaze towards where I sat in the back booth of the diner.

A strawberry milkshake sat in front of me, untouched. I wasn’t even sure why I was at Pop’s. It’s pretty much the only place for all the lovey-dovey couples of Riverdale to come out on a Friday night anymore and I had to be a glutton for punishment because I knew that this meant the odds of me having a Valentine’s solo date in public, where people would look at me and judge or feel sorry for me for whatever reason, were high.

Not that it bothered me, but when you can feel everyone around you watching you like you’re a landmine or something, it gets old real quick.

A chair scraping loudly against the tiled floor of the diner as it was dragged over drew me out of my own thoughts and I braced myself. Preparing myself to look up from my phone and Snapchats that I had open to find Cheryl or Veronica or Betty sitting there, a sympathetic look in their eyes.

Instead, I looked up from a Snap my friend back in Chicago had sent me and my mouth opened in surprise a little because Reggie sat there, the backwards facing chair pressing into his chest.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“It’s just another Friday.” I muttered, shrugging as I took a few noisy slurps of my milkshake and eyed him. “No hot female company tonight?” I gave him a mocked look of shock as I said it, laughing softly when his response was to pout right back at me.

“I mean, if you count the red-head I’m currently lookin at and I’ve been tryin to talk to all night, then yeah.” Reggie answered.

His answer caught me off guard and as a result, some of the strawberry milkshake went down the wrong way and I choked a little. Reggie chuckled, reaching over to lightly pop me between the shoulder a few times as he gazed at me in concern and amusement. “You good, princess?”

“Super. That would’ve been one hell of an obit though. Girl dies on Valentine’s Day while drinking a milkshake alone and nearly choking to death on strawberry bits.” I laughed and Reggie raised a brow.

“Guess dark humor isn’t your forte, huh?” I teased gently and Reggie gave a quiet chuckle.

“So… How are you feeling about being back in Riverdale?”

“It is what it is.” I answered, shrugging as my eyes wandered around the diner, taking in all the happy couples of Riverdale High.

My gaze settled on Reggie again and I struggled to come up with something even halfway passing as a conversation starter. Maybe that wouldn’t have been such a struggle for me if I’d stop getting lost in the depths of dark brown eyes… Or the way his tongue trailed ever so slowly over the outline of his mouth.

I found myself wondering why he was even over here talking to me to begin with. There was a booth full of River Vixens further towards the back, all laughing and whispering, and yes, occasionally calling his name.

I locked eyes with one of them and the sour look she gave me had me rolling my eyes.

“Hey, it’s gettin late. I doubt Andrews would want his sister walkin home alone…” Reggie trailed off under my amused gaze. I gave a soft laugh, finishing the last of my milkshake.

“Are you asking permission to walk me home, Reggie?”

“What if I am, baby girl?”

“First of all, it’s Alyssa…” I reminded him knowing fully well that it’d go in one ear and out the other, because it always has with him. Reggie’s been a nickname kind of guy for as long as I’ve known him and been friends with him. It’s nice to see that some things haven’t changed, even if at times that can be a little bit grating.

Baby girl just… has negative ties to it for me at the moment.

I winced at the thought and Reggie chuckled. “Okay, princess. Gotcha.” he muttered, leaning in a little. Reaching out and swiping his thumb over my bottom lip. I tried so hard not to tense up or flinch and I found myself hoping against hope that the little bit I did tense up went unnoticed.

I didn’t feel like answering questions and I didn’t want Reggie thinking I was weird or he’d offended me or something because honestly, he hadn’t. The whole thing was a me problem and it was one I was trying not to think about because I just wanted it all completely behind me. Forgotten about.

“You okay?” he asked, a brow raised as he eyed me in concern.

Crap. He noticed.

Apparently, the fact that he’s observant as hell hasn’t changed either.

I gave a soft laugh and nodded. “I just wasn’t expecting that. But it’s okay.” I quickly offered.

Deeper down, I have to admit… If so much hadn’t happened to me in Chicago, I’d definitely be falling hard and fast for Reggie Mantle all over again right now.

I did feel something. A sliver of a spark.

,, Don’t even think about it. The last time you felt sparks, you wound up getting in way over your head. Look where that got you, Alyssa…” that nagging little voice in the back of my mind spoke up, drowning out any and all other thoughts.

He’s my friend. Walking home with a friend isn’t a bad thing.

,, as long as it stops at friendship. Do you really think he’s just going to settle for you? He’s one of the big men on campus. Every girl wants him. Why would he choose you with all your current issues and that big nasty past of yours hanging over your head, threatening to ruin everything?” - and with that thought acknowledged, I smiled and cleared my throat. Breaking through his thoughtful daze with a soft laugh. “Earth to Mantle… You in there?”

“Yeah, yeah. I was just thinkin.”

“About?” I asked the question before I could stop myself.

“About how nice it is havin you back in Riverdale, Alyssa. You were always one of my favorite people.”

I smiled fondly.

Sitting down the styrofoam cup I’d drained of it’s contents, I rose up from my spot on the booth and held out my hand. “C’mon, lug.. If you insist on walking me home, we should probably get going… Stupid town curfew.”

“It is kind of dumb, huh? I mean, it’s not like we actually have a serial killer here.”

“It’s not like we don’t either. Sorry. I watch too many true crime documentaries.”

“No, you just lived in that big city too long. You forgot how safe and isolated it really is here.” Reggie chuckled. He slipped an arm around me and I tensed a little before I could stop myself.

I know he noticed it again, but he lowered his arm. Gave me an apologetic smile.

“Hey… do they still have those swings out behind the elementary?” I asked as we stepped out of the diner. He eyed me and smiled. “Yeah, why?”

“Well, since we do have a little bit of time left before I absolutely must be walking in my father’s door, I thought maybe we could go sit on them and talk? Like we used to? For old times sake?”

Reggie gave a soft grin. “I’d like that.”

“Just don’t try to send me into orbit like the last time I let you push me, okay?”

Reggie chuckled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he stared down at me.

I snapped my fingers in his face. “Hey…”

“Yeah, yeah. Look, I make no promises.” Reggie teased. I pouted up at him and we started to walk across the parking lot.

“You’re a lot quieter now, Alyssa. Skittish.. Are you sure you’re okay? I still remember everything about you and you weren’t skittish at all… If you wanna talk about it, you know you can talk to me, right?” Reggie asked as we walked towards the playground down the block. I sighed quietly.

“I’m not!” I spoke up, glancing up at him. Hoping he’d buy it and not keep pushing. Because I’m just not ready to talk about what I managed to get myself caught up in. And you just don’t want to see the disgusted look in his eyes when you do talk about it and he realizes just how stupid and pathetic you really are, the thought came but I shoved it out quickly. For the next minute or two, that heavy silence settled between us. I didn’t address the fact that he said I could talk to him. I know I could but… I just can’t right now. I need time. I need to get my head around everything.

And I don’t want to deal with the disgust I know he’ll probably feel. I know he will because I feel it, every single time I look at myself in the mirror. My parents and Archie keep insisting it’s not my fault, but all I can see is that I was the one who willingly got involved with the people I got involved with in the first place. I’m not stupid. I had to know that Dave didn’t really give a shit. That he was probably using me to stroke his own massive ego. That he purposely picked me when he sensed some deep hidden vulnerability. But I’m the one who let it happen. And I’m the one who let it go on for as long as it did and I allowed it to get to the scary point that it got to…

So yeah.. Pretty sure I don’t want to dump all this on Reggie Mantle and then see him look at me differently. I just… can’t.

I want to, but I can’t.

I hugged myself when the wind picked up, wishing I’d had the common sense to grab a thicker jacket before I left my dad’s house earlier. Reggie stopped our walk and slipped off his letterman’s jacket, holding it out. I eyed it and then him.

“Oh no. No. I’m not about to get my ass kicked by your fanclub.” I teased gently.

In reality, I knew that having the scent of his cologne so close to me would probably stick with me. It’d be too much temptation. Taking his jacket was a slippery slope.

“C’mon. Stop being so stubborn, woman. Look at you, shivering right now… You always took care of me back then. Let me take care of you, okay?”

He stepped closer. Not too close. Close enough that I knew if things were different, I’d totally be pouting right now because I’d want him closer. Before I could answer him, he slipped the jacket around my shoulders and I gave a soft and amused laugh. “Better, Reggie?”

“Yeah.” he answered. I tried not to notice it, but I couldn’t help myself. His eyes darted down and settled on my lips. His gaze lingered.

My heart hammered just a little harder against my chest.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat, trying not to think about the way he was looking at me currently and the way it made me feel. Because someone’s made me feel that way before but they turned out to be the most toxic person I’ve ever known.

I just.. I don’t know if I can trust myself or anyone else right now.

But I want to. God, I want to.

[mthofferings2020]

nostalgicatsea

See nostalgicatsea’s existing works here and here.

Preferred contact methods: Tumblr: nostalgicatsea Twitter: nostalgicatsea Discord: nostalgicatsea#5251

Preferred organizations: - Equal Justice Initiative - Ghetto Film School - National Immigration Law Center - St. Jude Children's Research Hospital - World Central Kitchen (See the list of approved organizations here)

Will create works that contain: Tropes/elements: character studies, angst, soulmates, slow burn, mutual or one-sided pining, self-sacrifice, amnesia, time travel, reincarnation, fake relationship, relationship of convenience, hurt/comfort, de-aging, dream world, presumed dead, temporary or permanent death, post-breakup, getting together, getting back together, post-Infinity War to post-Endgame, substance abuse and recovery, grief/mourning, parental/child and mentor/mentee relationships, friendship over the years, Tony’s family issues, dark Steve, pre-serum Steve AUs: canon-divergent (I like sticking to canon as much as possible, though), mafia/gangster, magic, sports, non-powered, high school or college, supernatural, horror, sci-fi, etc. I love AUs! For writing, I tend to focus on one specific moment or a series of small moments, feelings, and relationships more than action-packed plots.

Will not create works that contain: I’m up for most things except some extreme kinks, incest, mpreg, infidelity, adult/minor romantic relationships, and partner abuse in a ship. I don’t have any triggers. If you want me to elaborate on my do-not-wants or have a trope, kink, or plot point that you’re not sure I’ll be okay with, please contact me beforehand. Betaing: A/B/O, D/S, OOC, PWPs, OCs, self-inserts, tooth-rotting fluff without plot, Darcy-centric fics, unbalanced CW plots. I’m not that fond of coffeeshop, apocalypse, zombie, and vampire AUs, but I can help with them Writing: A/B/O, D/S, poly, comedy, complicated plots, crack, 100% pure fluff/domestic plots, kidfic (unless it’s canon), AUs that require a lot of specific knowledge (e.g., historical AUs or military AUs), reality TV AU, zombie AU, animal transformation, unbalanced CW plots, Hydra Steve

  -- Fic or Other Writing --

Auction ID: 1280

Will create works for the following relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - AvAc, MCU, Noir Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson - MCU James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark - MCU Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau - MCU James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Sam Wilson - MCU Nebula & Tony Stark - MCU Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov - MCU Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark - MCU Carol Danvers & Nick Fury - MCU Nick Fury & Maria Rambeau - MCU

Work Description: This fic will probably be 1.5–3k. It’s possible that it may end up longer (this was the case with my Stony Trumps Hate and MTH 2018 fics), but I can’t make any promises. It might take me a while to finish it as I’m slow at writing and RL keeps me busy, so please keep that in mind when bidding. MCU is my usual playground overall, but for Steve/Tony specifically, I’ve written Noir and AvAc too. I'm very interested in writing canon-compliant fics or fics set in canon, especially ones that act like snapshots of the characters at a specific time in their lives or a character/relationship study, but I do love AUs as well. I would appreciate it if you gave me several prompts, both general and specific, to choose from as that will increase the likelihood of the story being finished faster and lessen the likelihood of me getting writer’s block. If you have any questions of what I will and won’t write, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!

Ratings: Gen, Teen

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-- Beta Service --

Auction ID: 2104

Will create works for the following relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Any Universe Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson - MCU Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau - MCU James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Sam Wilson - MCU Iron Man fandom any gen - 616, AvAc, MCU Captain America fandom any gen - 616, AvAc, MCU Avengers fandom any gen - 616, AvAc, EMH, MCU Captain Marvel fandom any gen - MCU Black Panther fandom any gen - MCU Nick Fury/Alexander Pierce - MCU

Work Description: I can help with SPaG/copyediting, pacing, sentence structure, continuity, and America-picking, and I particularly love discussing characterization, world building, plot, and character development. I love character and relationship studies and contemplative pieces that dive deeply into who the characters are and how they feel, but I also like plots that tackle serious issues or big canon points, complex plots, and plots with multiple layers/levels. Turnaround depends on fic length and my schedule. I’m relatively fast, but if something comes up, I’ll let you know immediately. If you need references, I’ve betaed and acted as a sounding board for several writers such as aslightstep, captainshellhead/vibraniumstark, gil-estel, Kiyaar, laireshi, Sineala, and Woad. Notes on relationships: I’m willing to beta some ships along with gen/platonic ones for the fandoms listed above. Notes on characters: There are some characters whom I’m not that fond of or interested in (for example, Darcy Lewis). I’m open to betaing almost anything, provided they follow my wants/DNWs, even with characters I’m less keen about/don’t care for, but feel free to contact me if you have questions about this. Notes on universes: For 616 and Ults, I’ll only do an AU or a story that doesn’t rely heavily on canon events. I’ve only watched a handful of AA episodes. I’m open to Noir, AvAc, 3490, EMH, AA, and 1872 for Steve/Tony as well.

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

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-- Digital Work --

Auction ID: 3039

Will create works for the following relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Any Universe Iron Man fandom any gen - 616, AvAc, EMH, MCU, Noir Captain America fandom any gen - 616, AvAc, EMH, MCU Avengers fandom any gen - 616, 1872, AvAc, EMH, MCU Spider-Man fandom any gen - MCU, SM:ITS Black Panther fandom any gen - MCU Thor fandom any gen - MCU Captain Marvel fandom any gen - 616, MCU Agent Carter fandom any gen - MCU Luke Cage fandom any gen - MCU

Work Description: Examples: - https://nostalgicatsea.tumblr.com/tagged/my-graphics - http://nostalgicatsea.tumblr.com/post/172978178409/leaving-promises-against-your-skin-186k-soulmate I’m offering a moodboard for a character(s) or a fic of your choice (no NSFW shots) according to the theme or tone you want. I’m up for all gen and most ships for the fandoms listed above with a few exceptions. If you have any questions, please contact me! You’ll get your moodboard in 1–3 weeks, depending on whether I need to read a fic or not and how packed my schedule is. If the winning bid reaches $20, I'll make two moodboards. For every $10 after that, I'll throw in an extra moodboard.

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature

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[thequibblah]

4, 18, 28, & 32

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4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

"euphoria" i stand by this basic choice and have stood by it since come together chapter 4

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Lily worried, for a moment, that she was crying. She patted a cheek nervously. But, nothing. The wind drowned out all sound. She was intimidatingly high. She was starting to sweat beneath her coat. Jump, said a voice in her head. She'd leapt from higher heights, as a child. She could do it. Two separate visions appeared before her: herself, trying to jump and winding up tangled in the swing, crashing to the ground. Herself, flying easily from the swing and soaring away into the clouds.

so! this passage is from chapter 22 of come together, and i won't get into the context because those who know know, and those who don't don't want to be spoiled lollll. but this chapter got longer each time i revised it, and this was one of the last bits i added.

there actually wasn't going to be a goodbye moment here or if there had been, it would've been inside the house instead of at the playground...but then i went on vacation and swung on a swing and my soul transcended this mortal plane. really, like, if you've never sat on a swing as an adult i could not recommend it more.

anyway, as soon as i sat on that swing i could immediately envision it in my mind's eye and i realised lily absolutely HAD to swing on a swing. i was ahead on chapters and had banned myself from writing while on vacation, and i was actively afraid i'd forget the feeling of swinging by the time i sat down to write this scene. but i held to my goal and waited LOL and when i got back home i just blasted phoebe bridgers and powered through it.

i think aside from the smallest tweaking of turns of phrase it pretty much turned out in its final form. i almost feel like that bit wrote itself!

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

maybe i'm flattering myself, but i find quite a lot of my characters delightful 😂even if they are pains! i think humorous dialogue would sneak its way into anything i wrote, and that automatically endears me to my own characters. but you already know of Author Favourites david townes and sara shafiq, and to pick a dark horse, TTFS!james was especially delightful imo, probably because i tweaked his backstory which made him less of a douche than young canon james lmfaooo

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

well, she was dramatic, he was

no i'm just kidding JHAJHAJSHJA. if i had to pick a line that will haunt me for all fucking time, it has to be this one from "your best american girl" by mitski: your mother wouldn't approve of how my mother raised me / but i do, i think i do. just, the whole song is such a potent summation of immigrant daughter yearning and it hits like a gut punch. (a close second is the whole second verse, you're the sun, you've never seen the moon / but you hear its song from the morning birds / well, i'm not the moon, i'm not even a star / but awake at night i'll be singing to the birds)

thank you! so very much! for the ask <3

drop me a number from this!