#but even still we're already coming up with our own alternatives

[evilsanlang]

the way all the invasive advertising in brazil relies on english buzzwords and the way younger lgbt people are forgoing our own rich terms for the sake of english words even in small countryside towns get this demonic language OUT of my country

[sunny44]

Pornstache

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Girlfriend!reader

Warnings: smut.

Summary: Carlos puts on a moustache and it seems the effect was better than he imagined.

I woke up alone in bed in the morning, which wasn't unusual considering it was a race weekend, but Carlos got up earlier than usual so I started to get suspicious.

But since I didn't have to get up now, I went back to sleep and left it up to the alarm to wake me up at the right time.

When the alarm finally went off and it was time to wake up, I got up and went straight to the bathroom to have a shower before we left and as soon as I walked into the bathroom, I saw my boyfriend with just a mustache.

"Oh my God." I said shocked, looking at him.

"Tadam." He says and I'm still shocked.

"Why did you shave it off?"

"Well, we're in Italy and it's Luigi's home race so I decided to pay homage." He says excitedly. "You didn't like it?"

"I still don't know if I like it or not." I said and looked him up and down and saw that he was only wearing his underpants.”

"The mustache is up here." He says playfully and I roll my eyes and run my hands over his face. "So?"

"It's weird." He laughed. "But I have to admit you look very sexy like that."

"Yeah?" He asked, putting his hand on my waist and starting to kiss my neck.

"I need to take a shower."

"What a coincidence, me too." He said, taking off my blouse and making me laugh.

Instead of going to the bathroom, he picks me up and carries me to the bed and gets on top of me. Without much foreplay, we were both completely naked and Carlos was already inside me.

"You know what?" he stops.

"How about you get in on the action?"

"I thought you'd never ask." I switch positions getting on top of him.

I rest my hands on his chest as I begin to move up and down slowly.

He holds my waist and lifts his own, thrusting into me hard and fast, making me moan.

I start again with slow movements and gradually increase the speed, until I feel my apex approaching and the thrusts get deeper and faster, he grabs my breasts with his hands and squeezes, when I let out a louder moan, signaling that I've reached my apex.

I continued moving faster, and he reached his peak and so did I.

We caught our breath and he had a smile on his face.

I sit on his lap without taking his member out of me, just looking at his mustache.

"Can you take another round?" he asks and I agree.

As I was already on top of him, he just pulled me up, making me sit on his face and without giving me time to think, I felt his tongue on my pussy, and it was at that exact moment that I thanked God he had that mustache. I'm sure the feel of him in me made me come even faster.

When we'd finished, we decided to take a shower.

As soon as the hot water hits our backs, I feel the relaxation coming on.

He hugs me from behind and we stay like that for a few minutes.

"You know what we didn't do?" he looks at me confused, after I turn to him and just kneel in front of him, he already knows what's going to happen.

As soon as I reach the head, I suck slowly while he grabs my hair.

I start sucking him slowly and quickly, alternating between the two, keeping eye contact with him.

As I make the movements, he bites his lip and rolls his eyes, then he makes me go a little faster until he comes in my mouth.

He's a little shaky as I get up and he kisses me very hard.

Anyway, we finished showering and while I was in front of the bathroom mirror finishing my skin care, I felt him hug me from behind.

"Look, we've done enough exercise for the one hour we're awake. Actually, the one hour I’m awake." He laughs.

"I'm not after that. At least not now.” I laughed and wiped my face dry, then turned to face him. "Did you really like my mustache?"

"God knows how much." It was his turn to laugh. "Seriously, it feels completely different with just a mustache than with a full beard."

"Good to know."

"Now I can remember what I thought you looked like."

"Like what?"

"You look like a mob in a movie, or maybe a pornstar." Then he starts laughing.

"If we'd recorded what we were doing a while ago, I'd certainly be classified as a pornstar."

"We should have recorded it then."

"Are you serious?"

"If I didn't have to live every day in fear of someone finding it or it leaking, I'd definitely record us having sex." He's impressed and kisses me. "Get dressed because we have 20 minutes to be ready.”

"All right, I'll be right there." He releases me. "Have you sorted your clothes?"

"Not yet. But I already have something in mind."

He agreed and left, I did a quick make-up and then left the room to get dressed and that's when we left the hotel room to go to the race track.

…

As soon as we arrived, we could already see people's faces of shock and amazement when they saw Carlos' new style.

Either people would love it and think he was hot (like me) or they would think it didn't look good and that he looked strange without the rest of his beard.

"Woooooow, look at that." Charles says as soon as he sees him. "Y/n, you look lovely as always and you... What inspired you to leave just the mustache?"

"I thought I'd do something different, I was inspired by Luigi."

"Oh yeah, should we dress up as Mario and Luigi for the race tomorrow?"

"Absolutely." I say, making them laugh.

After chatting for a while, we went into the garage and I went to my usual corner while Carlos and Charles went to their driver's rooms to change and start qualifying.

The excitement on the race track was palpable as everyone prepared for the qualifying session. After my brief chat with Charles, I went to my usual corner in the garage, where I could watch all the action up close without disturbing anyone. Carlos and Charles, on the other hand, went to their driver's rooms to change and prepare for qualifying.

The atmosphere in the garage was one of total concentration.

Engineers, mechanics and strategists moved in a synchronized ballet of precision and efficiency. I knew that qualifying was crucial, and everyone was determined to do their best. I felt a mixture of anxiety and excitement as I waited for the session to begin.

When it finally started, the screens around me were filled with images of the cars leaving the pits and entering the track. Carlos was one of the first to leave, and I couldn't help but feel a shiver of anticipation and the worry that was always present in me.

"Come on, Carlos, you can do it!" I muttered to myself, clenching my fists tightly.

The first few minutes of qualifying were intense. Carlos was visibly focused, doing fast, precise laps. The team was in constant communication with him, providing data and adjusting the strategy as necessary. I watched every lap with my heart in my mouth, hoping that he would manage to stay among the best.

"Carlos, we're seeing good lap times. Keep it up." The engineer's voice echoed through the speakers.

He responded with a simple "copy", but his determination was clear. The track was hot and the conditions were ideal for a fast lap. Carlos made the most of it, driving his car with skill and precision. Every corner was a masterpiece, every straight a battlefield where he sought every millisecond.

As the minutes ticked by, Carlos continued to climb the timesheets. The tension in the garage grew with every lap. I could hardly breathe, so absorbed was I in the action. Then, in the last sector of the track, he did something incredible. Carlos set a perfect lap, beating all the other times and putting himself in P1.

"That's it!" I shouted, unable to contain my excitement. Some team members flashed me complicit smiles, sharing my joy.

Carlos' engineer was also elated.

"Great job, Carlos! Pole position! Stay focused, we're going to review the data.”

"Got it. Thanks guys." Carlos' voice sounded firm, but I could sense the satisfaction in it.

The final minutes of qualifying were a mixture of tension and anticipation. Other drivers tried to beat Carlos' time, but he remained unbeatable. Each attempt failed to surpass his brilliant lap. When the timer finally went off, confirmation came: Carlos Sainz had secured pole position.

The garage erupted in celebrations. The team was hugging each other, celebrating the extraordinary result. I too couldn't help but shout with joy, jumping up and down with excitement. Carlos got out of the car with a triumphant smile, and was immediately surrounded by his team.

"Congratulations, love! You were amazing!" I said, as he approached.

"Thanks, Hermosa." He replied, his smile widening. "I told you I'd do my best."

He winked at me, and I felt my face blush again. Carlos was overjoyed, and I knew that this qualification was just the start of something even bigger. He was determined to win, and I couldn't wait to see what else he could achieve.

As he walked away to take part in the post-qualifying interviews and appointments, I couldn't help thinking that the first questions would be related to his new look.

"And what about your new look, what made you do it?" I could hear a journalist asking.

"Because we were in Italy, I decided to do something different and I took inspiration from Luigi for my look."

"And your girlfriend, what did she think?"

"She liked it a lot." He says with a suggestive tone that only I seem to understand.

"That's great. Thank you very much and congratulations on your pole position."

It was the last interview so he came straight to where I was waiting for him.

"I'm going to have a quick shower and then we can go to the hotel."

"All right." He kissed me and I started laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

"It tickles." I said, referring to his moustache.

"You didn't complain earlier when I was sucking you..." at the same time, I put my hand over his mouth, preventing him from almost finishing.

"Eww." We heard Charles as he passed us. "Save that for when you're alone."

"He didn't even finish his sentence." I said.

"Yeah, but from his sentence and the fact that you covered his mouth so he wouldn't finish it, I can already imagine what it was." Then he went into his room.

"I didn't complain before and I'm not complaining now, it was just a statement of fact." I said.

"That's good because we're going to do a lot more than we did this morning."

"Good to know." I kissed him. "Now get in the shower because I want to go back to the hotel, put on my pajamas and eat a hamburger."

"Wow, and where am I on this plan?”

"You'll be next to me in bed eating a hamburger too."

"The day before the race? What a risk."

"Then you eat soup." He laughs.

"Okay, I'm going to take a shower now."

...

In the end Carlos had to stay longer so I came to the hotel early. I took another shower before putting on my pajamas and going to bed.

I was watching TV and was almost asleep when I heard the door opening and I hoped it was my boyfriend because I wasn't in the mood to run away.

"Hey." I said to him as soon as I turned around and saw him taking off his sneakers.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, I was almost there, but I hadn't slept yet."

"Sorry it took so long, it shouldn't have.”

"It's okay, I know how race week’s work." He kisses my forehead, changes his clothes and lies down.

"Come here." He pulls me on top of him and I nuzzle my face into his neck. "Good night hermosa."

"Good night, love."

Bonus scene!

Yourusername Instagram stories

“I love the Pornstache guys.”

[psychabolition]

You talk about getting rid of the psychiatric system. But what do you propose should be done instead? /gen

I'm going to tell you a story . I once knew someone called Tim. When I met him he had already spent most of his life in drug addiction treatment centres, psych wards and prisons until he later ended up in a forensic psych ward. After he did LSD he 'never came down from his bad trip' and got diagnosed w schizophrenia. This diagnosis +the addict - diagnosis justified so many fucking human rights violations - it got him locked up, drugged up, strip searched, his privacy violated on a daily basis, isolated away from society and everyone he knew because apparently he needed to be 'saved from this illness in his brain that makes him do/think/feel' things he otherwise wouldnt and because he needed to be 'punished' into being a 'functioning', 'productive' (read: profit-generating) member of 'society' (read: hegemonic cultural norms & forms.) This is what psychiatry does - it doesnt help, it locks us up and tortures us. I dont need to be able to name alternatives to this lol . This is the worst possible way of treating anyone ever. It would help immensely to literally just STOP doing this. Even 'sane' people would go insane in places like these.

So the alternative to acting like an absolute asshole towards people who struggle severely and who dont have a place in society would be to 1)not isolate them away from society and 2)not torture them 🙏 . It would be to get rid off the psychologists' individual and the psychiatric systems' general saviour complex that only results in abusing people bc they act like the people who are labelled as mentally ill are (=their minds/brains) responsible for at fault for their own struggles. Instead we could show solidarity with each other and try to built a world where everyone has a place in and is valued as a person and where the suffering/madness of an individual is not seen as an incentive to literally abuse and socially ostracize them.

And @ everyone dont come at me w 'not everyone has these experiences w psychiatry' - any time you talk about systemic criticism you have to look at the most marginalized experiences. When talking about police defunding/prison abolition we also talk about police brutality that black disabled poor people face . And yes not everyone has bad experiences w every single cop , still ACAB . ALSO dont come at me with 'I know there ar GOOD psychologists who Actually want to help' ,1) fuck their savior complex 2)what individuals motives are for joining this system of oppression isnt necessarily the purpose of a system. The purpose of a system is what it does. The police isnt there to protect us, psychiatry isnt there to help us. We only have each other.

So, what you can do right now to get rid off the psychiatric system in your community? How can we stop relying on this authoritarian system that abuses and incarcerates so many of us ??

I think its important to educate each other on our rights. Because then we have the knowledge on what not to say in a therapy session so we dont get incarcerated or what to do when we are questioned by cops/psychs to see if we are 'at risk' or what to do when we or friends of us are already incarcerated so they can get out of there as fast as possible. Also educating your friends/family on psychiatric propaganda helps - a common myth is that if you dont 'look for signs' and call the cops to institutionalize a friend they might kill themselves. All while institutionalization/incarceration increases the risk of suicide extremely. This is important to know so no one in our communities calls the cops on us when we're doing really bad. Also educating each other on the biomedical model so everyone understands that we dont have an illness that we need to be 'saved from' (depression for example) or 'punished for' (aspd, drug addiction) and that we (=our minds/brains) arent to blame for our struggles Etc.

If you know that youre sometimes in extreme mental distress/pain you could also make a crisis plan with friends so you dont need to rely on the psych system - like for example the plan could be that a friend calls in sick for work/university and then stays at your place for 3-4days and is there for you/drinks tea w you, goes for a walk together w you, smokes a joint with you together until you feel better and arent acutely suicidal anymore. (Its also best to include several people in this plan bc it can get really overwhelming for 1 person). You can als include things in the plan like asking your friends to take away all knives in your apartment if you want to. Or if its a more permanent 'crisis' then a plan on how to move together with friends to get away from your nuclear family/abusive partner (just as an example).

Access to medication, knowledge on how to get off of them if you dont want to take them anymore and freedom and proper education in your decision on taking, weaning off or on staying on medication is not given in the psych system. So how do we change that? A common reason for 'crisis' is trying to wean off of psychiatric drugs (a lot of people get suicidal or psychotic bc of the withdrawal for example - depends on the meds, dosis and since how long youve been taking them though). You could plan when to do this together w friends. Theres anti psych guidelines on how to do this safely - a lot of psychiatrists tell you that you need to stay on meds no matter if you want to or not and they often dont know how to wean off of them or think youre 'at risk' and incarcerate you if you mention that you want to stop taking your meds -this highly depends on how stigmatizing your diagnosis is (=schizophrenia/bipolar are good examples for highly stigmatized ones) or if youre sb who get racialized for example (bc then psychs immediatly perceive you as more of 'a risk'). You could make a plan for example where you ask your friends to stay w you through this by living at your apartment w you for a few days, cooking meals for you and keeping your apartment clean. And then another friend of you could come by each day after work (for example) and also be there since its probably a lot for one person. Also LYING to psychiatrists is always a good idea. For example when youre trans and want to access gender affirming care its important not to mention any diagnoses in general but especially diagnoses like autism, schizophrenia, psychosis or PDs and then literally lie about yourself if necessary. You always know who you are and what you need best. Also dont blindly trust your psych on what medications go well together - look it up yourself !!! Theres a 'drug interaction checker' online where you can see if it might be dangerous to take certain meds at the same time. Also READ on what side effects are possible - make a diary for when you start your medication on how youre feeling/doing . Some changes are awful but still hard to notice bc youre thinking that it could also be a 'normal' worsening of your mental state that you think you might also have without meds. Also depending on what physical conditions you have/had you cant take some medications without it being dangerous - READ the whole instruction paper thing that always comes with your meds and/or google it !!

Also literally just sharing/collecting tips on how to cope w different struggles + harm reduction guides (suicidality, drug addiction, ...) is very helpful. There is a lot of community sourced material already out there.

I understand that the reason most people are severely struggling is because they dont have a community (=like when you only have 1 partner or 1 friend ,because youre (still) legal property of your parents, because youre stuck in a nuclear family,...) and not only because psychiatry divides our communities by blaming us for our struggles and isolating and stigmatizing us. Building community and relying on each other is the only way to get rid off the psychiatric system in the end. If we already had a real community that we could rely on, all the psych wards would be empty and therapists wouldnt exist. This is not the first step, its the solution.

Als there are already alternative institutions (that are already in practice) that are a replacement for psychiatry.

This is probably the answer that youre looking for 😂. I dont really care about these kind of anti psych concepts and practices since they seem out of my reach atm. Ik that theres an anti psych house in berlin whos guiding principles are 1)community care /peer support 2)full autonomy for everyone there and its specifically for people who are running away from psychiatric violence.

Other alternatives that I havent really looked into yet are : bethel house , peer respites, new models of therapy

[silverryuan]

Another alternate universe where Riddle's sibling dating Ace and coming out gay--......I should make this a series.

In the Heartslabyul Dorm Lounge, Ace is playing cards with Deuce instead of doing homework.

???: "....a......where.....he....."

Ace: "Hm? Hey Juice, do hear that?"

Deuce: "Ugh, for the last time--"

A student suddenly ran past the lounge

Heartslabyul Student A: "I-I-It's bad! Everyone, save your heads!"

Deuce: "What the--"

Riddle: "GET OUT MY WAY, TREY!!! AAAAAACE TRAAAAAPPOLAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Deuce: "Ace! W-What did you do this time?!"

Ace: "I didn't do anything, i swear!"

Trey, trying to stop Riddle: "Cater, hold him back!!"

Cater, summoning clones: "I'm trying!"

Riddle: "I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!"

Ace: "What did I even do?!--"

Sibling!Rosehearts arriving

Sibling!Rosehearts: "Riddle, calm down! It was just a confession!"

Riddle: "CONFESSION OR NOT, I WILL HAVE THIS FOOL'S HEAD REGARDLESS!!!"

Heartslabyul Student B: "S-someone do something!"

Deuce: "Uhhhh....I-i summon thee. CAULDRON!"

Riddle: "ACK!"

A cauldron dropped on top of Riddle, effectively knocking him out.

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Phew! Thanks, Deuce."

Deuce: "Um, no problem?... I'll probably be get beheaded after this..."

Ace: ".... Sibling! Rosehearts. Did you tell him?"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "He only listened halfway."

Ace: "So uh, we gonna drag him to the infirmary or...?"

At the infirmary

Ghost: "Ok, his head injury doesn't seem to show any complications. But I suggest he stays here just in case."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Thank you, sir... Trey, Cater, Deuce. Can you guys leave me and Ace some space?"

Deuce: "Why--"

Cater: "Oh, don't worry, Sibling! Rosehearts. Cay-Cay, Trey, and Deucey got your back!"

Trey: "We're gonna be at the dorm lounge if you need us."

Trey, Cater and Deuce left Ace, Riddle and Sibling! Rosehearts in the infirmary. Leaving a long silence between the two.

Ace: "....."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "....."

Ace: "....I thought we agreed to keep US a secret?"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "So you think WE can keep living like this? A lie? We can't fool everyone, especially my brother."

Ace: "I know, it's just.... I don't know what my family might feel. What the rest of the guys might think."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Me too..."

Ace: "..."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "... Maybe you're right. I think we can just keep this a secret a while longer--"

Riddle, sober and wide awake: "KEEP WHAT A SECRET?"

Ace: "OH SHIT! HE'S AWAK--"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "SSSHHH! Don't shout! His head might still be ringing!"

Riddle: "Oh no, no. I heard EVERYTHING clearly."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Well shit."

Ace: "Well shit, indeed."

Surprisingly the elder Rosehearts did not scold the two and instead brought another silence. He finally speaks up.

Riddle: "...How long?"

Sibling! Rosehearts: " What?"

Riddle: "How long were you two together a secret?"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Since we participated VDC."

Riddle: "Why him? Can't you see he is obnoxious? Can't you see he's a horrible influence on you? Do you not see that he's a male? What will mother--"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "What mother says is not always right. She tormented us. Eventually leading you to Overblot. We have our own bodies, our own souls, our own LIVES. She cannot place us in an impossibly high pedestal to begin with."

Riddle: "... But... You..."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "I am still me. No matter how much I change, I'm still your sibling. But I feel trapped. I still yearn for my freedom to do anything. I feel suffocated for I can't have my own way of loving someone without thinking of what will our family might say."

Riddle, tears building up in his eyes: "...Why are you like this?"

Sibling! Rosehearts: "...if you still don't understand, it's ok. I'll--"

Ace: "Alright, you know what? FUCK IT. Riddle, your only sibling are trying their best explaining to you why they want to break free from your mom's astronomical expectations. We thought you already learned this after your Overblot. How she also chained you down to be defined as her trophy. If you can't accept Sibling! Rosehearts for the way they are then... Maybe you're still holding on to what's left of the chains."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "... A-Ace..."

Riddle: "........"

Ace: "I... Love your sibling just the way they are and they love me back despite me being a major asshole. Don't believe me? How about this..."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "ACE WHAT ARE YOU DOING--"

Ace opened a window next to Riddle's bed and inhaled a large sum of air. He didn't care if someone listened or not. He's gonna shout it out to the top of his lungs anyway.

Ace: "I LOVE SIBLING! ROSEHEARTS WITH ALL MY HEART!!! IF SOMEONE REJECTS THAT, FIGHT ME!!!!"

Riddle: "!!!"

Sibling! Rosehearts, all red-faced: "A-A-ACE STOP THAT YOU MIGHT GET DISTURB THE CLASSES!"

Sibling! Rosehearts immediately dragged Ace by the collar and shut the window.

Riddle: "Ace... You're lucky I can't move right now. Otherwise I'd strangle you."

Ace: "Sorry, but I gotta since you won't believe me."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "That doesn't mean you should shout it out!"

Ace: "I can't prove it any way else other than that!"

Riddle: "Actually, there is. If you manage to beat me in a game of croquet, I'll let you court Sibling! Rosehearts. If you lose, I'll collar you for a year."

Sibling! Rosehearts: "Great Sevens, Riddle!"

Ace: "Ah crap."

The three hear snickering outside the door. Sibling! Rosehearts opened it and Trey, Cater and Deuce came falling in.

Sibling! Rosehearts: "!!!"

Riddle, with a cruel smirk: "Well, well, well... It looks like you three weren't supervising the dorm."

Ace, shocked: "SHIT YOU GUYS HEARD ALL OF THAT?!?!"

Cater: "Uhhhh... hahaha...."

Trey: "...S-sorry for eavesdropping?"

Deuce: "RIDDLE PLEASE I'M SORRY DON'T KILL ME PLEASE--"

[sashaforthewin]

[on Ao3] Rated M, sex mention, Steddie

ATM Boy

The song started as a joke. Eddie wrote it to see Steve's reaction. 

It had a catchy tune and the lyrics began as a love song of sorts. Steve sat on the couch in Gareth's garage tapping his foot along to the heavy beat and smiling at Eddie as he sang. Until he got to the chorus, of course. 

"He's my ATM boy, my ATM boooooooyyyyy"

Steve rolled his eyes, assuming this was some dumb jab at his being rich. He was upper middle class, at best.

"I can tell he loves me / I can tell he's true / cause when we're in bed there's a thing that he lets me doooOOO!"

Steve was already frowning as soon as Eddie mentioned them in bed but Eddie kept singing, holding eye contact the whole time.

"He let's me go ass to mouth, ass to-"

"EDDIE! EDWARD J MUNSON, ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

The song cut off as various members of the band, Eddie most of all, lost their collective shit at Steve's reaction, laughing at his outburst.

Steve strode over to where Eddie was cackling into the mic, hands on hips, and when Eddie didn't stop, Steve just smacked the mic to the floor.

"Hey, that's expensive!"

"Then you better make sure not to sing about our sex life with the rest of your band present after you buy a replacement, huh?"

Everyone except Eddie agreed that Eddie had sort of deserved it and should replace the mic. Steve forgave him fairly quickly, though, since it was just some harmless joking among friends that would laugh it off. 

That was, until the gig. 

Corroded Coffin got booked to open for the metal band Devastator that were out of Indy. They had three times the fan base of Corroded Coffin, so probably upwards of twenty people were at the show. Sure, those people were also local musicians that were friends of the main band, but a fan is a fan, shut up.

Since the gig was at a shitty dive bar in the city, the kids couldn't come; but Robin, Jonathan, and Argyle decided to come along, as well as Murray, for some reason. Nancy had flat out said she didn't want to have to ride all that way to stand in a smoky bar and hear music she hated, so nobody tried to talk her into it.

Steve was up front in one of Eddie's home-made Corroded Coffin tee shirts. He was still wearing his light wash jeans and a pair of bright orange earplugs, though, so he didn't entirely fit in, but he wasn't as out of place as he thought he would be. There was a guy in a yellow disco suit in the crowd, after all. 

The gang were having a great time. Murray along with yellow disco suit dude were both at the center of the moshpit, slamming and being slammed, Jonathan and Argyle stood around Steve, helping block the worst of the crowd while Steve's hearing was muffled and he wasn't paying attention to anything but his boyfriend, and Robin was alternating hanging with Steve and going to hang against the wall where it was safest. 

Eddie and the boys seemed so happy and were doing great, aside from a few minor difficulties. One of Eddie's strings broke during their second song, but the guitarist from Devastator was quick to loan Eddie his own guitar for the rest of the set. 

The  rest of the Corroded Coffin set was going smoothly after the guitar swap. The crowd was really into the music, and Eddie looked like a natural up there. He introduced the band members and thanked the audience and Devastator for having them, and then announced that this next song would be their last. 

As the opening notes rang out, Eddie risked a glance at Steve and cringed. He was furious and Eddie would definitely be sleeping on the couch tonight. 

But the thing was, the song ATM Boy really was very catchy. It was daring, it was sexual, it was devious and queer, but above all, it was a bit of an earworm. The audience went nuts for it, they were screaming when the chorus hit and by the final chorus, a bunch of people were singing along. It went over better than they ever even thought it would. 

Which made it all the worse that Steve continued to stare at Eddie as if he had been betrayed in the worst possible way. He just stood there. Eddie had to force himself to concentrate on the crowd, not on Steve. As soon as the set was done, Corroded Coffin grabbed their shit and made way for Devastator while the party surrounded Steve and tried to pretend they hadn't just heard a very intimate fact about their friend, discussing the crowd energy and how good the boys had done and literally anything that wasn't the elephant in the room. Steve did not participate in the conversation at all, he was quietly seething. 

He refused to talk to or be touched by Eddie the entire rest of the night, making sure to put his arm around Robin so that only their party would know he was the so-called ATM boy. The ride home was awkward and a bit tense, but the fight was saved until they were at home, alone in Steve's house. Steve pulled off his Corroded Coffin shirt and threw it at Eddie's face before storming off up the stairs. 

"Baby, I'm sorry! Baby, come on, it was funny!"

"You asshole, you just told all our friends and Murray that I let you… that I… it was a one time thing! Do not think I am ever letting you do that again after you did this!"

"Yeah, that's fair. But baby, it's just shock value! And it's a surprisingly catchy tune, I don't know why it came out that way but it did! I swear I wrote it to make you laugh, but the guys all wanted to play it at the show. I voted not to but was overruled! Come on, please forgive me. Baby? Please? Baby?"

"Ugh... Fine, okay, fine. I forgive you for humiliating me in front of our friends. At least the kids weren't there and only about thirty people heard it. I guess. And now it's over and I won't see most of those people ever again. So, I guess, yeah, it's kinda funny."

"You know I love you and I respect you so much. I'd let you go ATM on me as an apology."

Steve just huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, but he allowed Eddie to kiss him and wrap him in a hug. He was just glad this was the end of it.

Months went by and Steve had nearly forgotten about the whole thing. 

Until Eddie and the Coffin boys recorded their first demo. It wasn't anything professional, it was recorded in a large truckstop bathroom with decent acoustics and it was recorded with a portable cassette recorder, but it was recorded nonetheless. 

They had made a bunch of copies, sent them off to a few radio stations, and sold a bunch to indie record stores, handed them out to friends and sold them at their weekly gig. In the second week, a few new people showed up specifically to buy their tape because they had heard their friend's copy.

Eddie was so excited for the growing buzz that he wasn't thinking when he popped the tape into Steve's stereo to celebrate. He had been very careful to only play Steve Side B, never Side A, up until now. 

As soon as ATM Boy came on, Steve slammed on the brakes so hard Eddie nearly broke his face on the dashboard. When he saw Steve's expression, Eddie thought maybe breaking his face would've been preferable. 

Eddie slept on the couch for a week after that, but Steve eventually forgave him. 

Steve had nearly gone back to a completely normal life free of mortifying embarrassment, having convinced himself only subculture dwelling weirdos had heard the song.

But then a local radio station played ATM Boy. Not just once, they put it into their evening rotation. And then another station farther away picked it up. And then another. And then things spiraled from there. 

The only saving grace was that the radio had censored it. The lyrics were now "he lets me go ah- - t'mouth" though Steve suspected people probably still got the gist of it from the rest of the song. 

Corroded Coffin got signed to a record label and they recorded their first album in an actual studio. On the studio release, it was decided for the lyrics to become "he lets me go A T M" even though "to mouth" did not strictly speaking need censoring, it flowed better. 

ATM Boy, meanwhile, was starting to spread. It reached the billboard Top 100 list and started climbing. The band started touring for real, not just road trips to Indy and Chicago. They started selling out mid-sized venues and meeting other bands and forming friendships with fellow creatives. 

Eddie was finally the rock star he had dreamed of. 

And Steve was struggling to be supportive while also wishing he was invisible and unknown to anyone. He was living in constant fear of being found out. Not just because he wasn’t publicly out, but because Steve did not want to be known as the ATM boy and he felt even being seen in Eddie’s presence would damn him. 

At first he refused to tour with Eddie and the band, but after not seeing his boyfriend for months, Steve was both lonely and worried Eddie would cheat or leave him for someone else. It took Eddie a while to notice how badly Steve was handling everything but once he did, he hired Steve as his hairdresser so that he would be able to drag Steve around and have an on-the-books excuse for his constant presence. He groveled and doted on Steve and tried everything in his power to atone for the embarrassment, paranoia, and distress he had caused the man he loved.

There were many rocky years but they managed to stay together through it all. Caring for Steve and focusing on him was actually what helped Eddie avoid the pitfalls of fame that so many bands fell victim to. Who has time to do drugs when they have so many beautiful moles to kiss and a gorgeous toned back to massage?

And on a talk show, nearly forty years after the song ATM Boy was written, Eddie Munson told the audience about his wonderful husband and about the real ATM boy.

“It wasn't my husband, just some other guy I slept with.” 

Unfortunately, two minutes later in the interview he off-handedly mentioned Steve is the only guy he's ever slept with or dated.

[judesmoonbeauty]

2024 Villain's Festival - Team Villain's Story ♛

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere. Also, feel free to ignore my random commentary.

Translation notes are marked with *** Alternate translation is marked with///

The condition for receiving the entire bonus from Her Majesty, is to steal Kate’s heart.

When the battle begins, three shadows with villainous expressions appear in Crown Castle.

Alfons: Such rowdy party. Let’s enjoy it to the fullest!

Roger: If I collect the full bonus, I can use it toward research and alcohol expenses. I’ll have to go all in.

Alfons & Roger: Ah! 

Alfons: Oh, Roger. What a coincidence to run into you here, please move aside.

Roger: I've got business up ahead, too. You get out of my way.

Jude: Don’t block the way. Your both huge and your in the way.

Jude: Oh?

Jude: What do ya guys have there? 

Roger: A sack.

Alfons: Does it look like anything other than a rope?

Jude: So, you'll bag her, tie her up and kidnap her....

Alfons & Roger: Please don't ask if you already know.

Alfons: You're so evil, Jude, to immediately notice what we're trying to do, aren't you?

Jude: Thanks.

Alfons: This game is about capturing Kate’s heart.

Alfons: In short, the winner is the one who takes the necklace that Kate has!

Alfons: In that case, any means are fine.

Jude: These guys are bastards.

Roger: I think you were the one who was going to kidnap Kate, weren't you?

Jude: You'll know it when you see it.

Roger: That's surprising. I thought you'd just say it's rubbish and not get involved.

Jude: You know the rules, you just take the woman’s necklace and the money rolls in.

Jude: It's rags to riches business in terms of cost-effectiveness.

Roger: You're pretty much a bastard yourself. Well, I guess fighting the good fight doesn't suit us.

Alfons: Let's fight fair and square until there's only one left standing!

Alfons: That's what I was thinking until just now, but when I thought about it, aren’t we at a disadvantage?

Roger & Jude: Disadvantage?

Alfons: Each of us cursed ones has our own special abilities….

Alfons: Isn’t our self-righteous king William, a bit of a cheat?

Roger: The "do as I say" is definitely a cheat.

Roger: If he uses that, it's game over in an instant.

Jude: It's hard to tell what he’s thinking. It’s really creepy.

Alfons: Therefore. The clever Alphonse came up with an idea.

Alfons: Why don't the three of us join forces?

Alfons: It's what we call a joint front.

Roger: Certainly, the three of us working together would be more efficient than working alone.

Roger: Fine, I'm in.

Alfons: You are indeed an efficiency-oriented muscle man. How about you, Jude?

Jude: Yeah. I'm in. “While we're on the same side.”

Roger: Wow, I'm surprised you agreed so readily. I wonder what's going through your mind.

Jude: How dare the treacherous cursed man put himself on a pedestal.

Alfons: Yes, yes, now that we have formed a joint front, let's get along.

Alfons: So, the most wicked team is now complete.

Alfons: Let's go and kidnap Kate quickly!

Harrison: Kate, you are being targeted from all sides.

Harrison: But we'll protect you.

Liam: Yeah, all we want to see is your  smile, Kate.

Ellis: Kate, leave it to us.

Kate: Thank you, Harrison, Liam and Ellis. 

Kate: Behind you!

Harrison: When did you guys!

Alfons: “Kate, is invisible to you.”

Harrison: …….

Jude: Ellis, you're not getting enough sleep. Why don’t you sleep a little. 

Liam: Jude….ah.

Liam: Harry, Ellis! Damn it, disappear.

Roger: Liam. Your abilities are not the best match for mine. 

Roger: Even when you disappear, my ears are still picking up your heartbeat. …..Right here?

Liam: Oh! 

Jude: You should sleep too.

Roger: Ok, everyone’s sound asleep like good boys.

Alfons: Normally, we don't get along well with each other, but when it comes to deviousness, we are united, which is a strange thing.

Roger: Because bad people can understand how bad people think.

Jude: If we have time for idle chit-chat,  then let’s get out of here before the nobles launch a surprise attack.

Alfons: Yes, yes. Well, Kate, please let us kidnap you.

Kate: What? Oh, hey! 

Jude: You'd be smarter to stay quiet, princess.

Jude: I hope you locked the door properly.

Alfons: Yes, of course.

Alfons: This is the perfect guest room. Whatever happens here, only the four of us will know the truth.

Alfons: A secret only for us. Hehe, I'm so excited, Kate.

Roger: Sorry to tie you to the chair, missy. It would have been troublesome if you'd escaped again.

Kate: So the three of you formed a joint front.

Kate: But still, of all people, these three?

Alfons: What do you mean?

Kate: No, nothing. 

Roger: You're trying to say that three people without a shred of conscience got together.

Alfons: I'm honored that you appreciate my reputation for lack of conscience.

Alfons: Now, as planned, Kate belongs to one of the three of us.

Alfons: Let's start the finals here.

Jude: Oh?

Jude: Why are you trying to touch the nape of someone's neck, you talking piece of shit?

Alfons: Jude, you're the one who tried to poke me in the forehead with your finger.

Roger: I thought it was funny how easily you agreed to a joint front.

Roger: Your plan is to make it look like a joint front so that you could outflank us at the end, right?

Jude: It's a matter of course. It is a basic business practice to decide whether to use or not to use a contract based on who you are signing it with.

Jude: That fighting pose is proof of that. You traitorous quack.

Alfons: The lowest! Are you planning on hitting us even though you are a former doctor?

Roger: Don't make false accusations. I just thought I'd let you guys have a good night's sleep, since you usually don't get enough.

Jude: I’ll put you to sleep. I’ll comeback and bury you accidentally in a graveyard. 

Kate: This is a picture-perfect clash of friends! 

Alfons: Oh dear, the joint front is destroyed. It's no wonder it's come to this.

Alfons: Let's play it out in a no-holds-barred match.

Roger: That’s great, I won't complain even if I lose.

Jude: If there’s any mouth left to complain about it, sure.

Kate: STOOOOP!

Roger: What's the matter, missy? You’re being loud. 

Kate: As you can imagine, we can't afford to a situation where any of the crown is missing!

Kate: Violence. No. Absolutely not. Anyone who touches me will be considered disqualified and will not be given the necklace!

Jude: Wow, you've become quite the big talker haven’t you?

Jude: Isn't it okay if I take it away by force, princess?

Kate: If you try to take it away from me, I will run away as fast as I can, even if I have to drag a chair with me!

Jude: Ha, she's still as stubborn and obnoxious as ever.

Alfons: Kate has a point. If we were to die accidentally, it would be a national disaster.

Roger: But then, how do you settle the matter?

Roger: Kate, any good ideas?

Kate: Oh, I've decided! Just now!

Kate: The "best and kindest" of the three will receive this necklace.

Alfons & Roger: - The best.

Jude: That's a lukewarm criterion, isn't it? It's the kind of thing you would think of as a child.

Kate: If I don't give it to someone nice, that's when I’ll get in trouble again, right?

Kate: I think it's a good idea and a peaceful solution.

Alfons: That's a very Kate-esque, typical suggestion...shall we try it?

Alfons: Kate, Kate, you must be cramped tied to that chair. 

Alfons: I'll let you go. Here you go.

Kate: Oh, thank you very much, Alfons!

Alfons: I'm a gentleman, kind, and handsome, a national treasure, right?

Roger: Hey, back off, you frivolous man. I guess I'm the one who's kind.

Roger: Kate, there's no one as sweet and loving on you as I am, right? Leave it to me.

Jude: There's no way this masochistic pervert would be satisfied with you just being nice.

Jude: I'll be nice to you after I torture you a lot. You like this kind of thing, don't you?

Alfons: I don't think Jude is being nice. He is a villain, this president.

Alfons: I actually saw it…. the other day.

Alfons: Jude threw the fatty part of his steak onto Ellis' plate!

Jude: What's wrong with sharing something you don't like with others? I'm just giving them a hand out. 

Roger: It's not nice to force something you don't like on people, is it, Jude?

Jude: How dare you put yourself in someone else's shoes?

Jude: The other day you guys worked together to put Elbert to sleep with a drug that you don't understand, right?

Alfons: There are various things that I would like to clear up without Elle knowing about it, so I have no choice.

Roger: I just want to be able to experiment with new drugs.

Alfons: It's just that my interests coincided with these muscular glasses.

Roger: That’s right.

Jude: All of them are a bunch of bastards.

Alfons: Oh…

Jude: Yeah?

Alfons: Where is Kate going?

Jude & Roger: ………

Roger: When did you do this, missy?

Jude: How fast are you running away?

Alfons: Aha! 

Alfons: Disappointing. Now the game is back to square one.

Roger: Haha, that's good. It's more fun when you don't know what the game is. Hey, Jude?

Jude: Stupid.

[Master List]

[ddoxhan]

my love is all mine

my baby here on earth showed me what my heart was worth so, when it comes to be my turn could you shine it down here for her?

word count : 4.4k words

genre : fantasy; alternating between fluff and angst that would make your heart clench; childhood best friend! aeri x pianist (but actually a time traveler)! reader; arriving at this dimension, you realized how much you still love her

t/w : mentions of death, apocalypse thingz

a/n : full version out weeeeee :D that was some roller coaster of realization and pain knowing that nothing lasts but one thing :') please do leave some feedback so I can improve when it comes to plot heavy fics and enjoy !

tic, tic, tic, tic.

'where am I?'

your surroundings were unfamiliar, as it should be. but with it, came a sense of comfort. whenever you warped through the portal, your head would hurt like the worst hangover for a while. but this time, it unusually hurt less. you were sitting by the piano, a music sheet of chopin, perhaps. you weren't the most well-versed around music.

you stood from the piano stool to slowly observe the things in the room in hopes of gathering more information about this person. undoubtedly, you looked like yourself but this body you possessed wasn't you. you were orphaned, barely survived the apocalypse of your own world, thrown into a dystopian organization served to stop further apocalypses in other worlds.

learning about the countless dimensions you had to travel to, surely, this one couldn't differ more than the rest. the person who lived as you in this world had everything you had ever wanted. loving and supportive parents, friends who were always there for her, a promising future career as an aspiring pianist. but as you gain the memories of this person, the depressing emotions were rather contradicting.

this person felt lonely amidst of everyone, she never felt understood. no one had ever saw through those smiles and laughs. not even this girl who looked like her best friend. then tears started to flow down your cheeks uncontrollably. it couldn't be. she couldn't be.

feeling a little dizzy, you took a seat on the piano stool as you dried your tears and tried to wrap your head around the current situation. of the many dimensions, why this one? you tried so hard to forget everything about her, drown down emotions that were unnecessary for your line of work. it had been forever since the last time you had thought of her. and this time, she wasn't going to just be a memory.

as the metronome lulled you into a daze, you were brought back out of it by the sudden swing open of the bedroom door.

"hey! we literally said to meet up at our usual place! what's taking you so long?"

"huh?"

a girl barged into your room and folded her arms against her chest, seemingly upset that you had stood her up. but you couldn't seem to remember when you had made that promise to her.

it was her. it had been so long, too long since you've seen her with your own eyes. you didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse that you had never encountered her in the past dimensions. but seeing her in front of you, it was getting really hard to not break down in tears.

the wave of guilt and sadness washed over you as you took in how beautiful she still looked, or rather this version of her looked exactly like the love of your life. the love of your life who you couldn't hold onto as her hand slipped from yours, forever gone as she disappeared into the smoke of debris.

you still needed time to gain the memories, so you made up an excuse, hoping she would buy it.

"sorry, it must've slipped my mind. you still up for it?"

you stood from your piano stool as you flashed her an apologetic smile. that made her sigh and roll her eyes, once again defeated by your puss-in-boots eyes cause really, there was never once she had been able to not waiver at the sight of them.

"you bet I am, now get your ass outta here and we have to hurry cause we're already late for the performances."

the look of confusion on your face makes the girl pause in her tracks, extremely confused and cautious of you because you didn't seem to be her best friend, in the sense that you didn't feel like her.

"performances. weren't you there when jaemin told us they'd be busking today?"

"right, yes. the boys' first big performance for that influencer's event."

that part of the memory registered just at the right timing. if you took any longer to respond like her best friend, she would have probably took the shovel in the backyard to whack you. the girl wasn't like your lover, way feistier and carefree. it served as a reminder that she wasn't, this girl was not the woman you had loved wholeheartedly and should not be.

"yes. now let's go."

the girl had to drag you out of your house because of how slow you seemed unusually.

"god, I was so close to knocking some sense into you."

"sorry, I've just been really out of it today."

your infamous cheeky smile never fails to have her shake her head in disbelief. in disbelief of how adorable you always looked with it.

"jaemin! we're here!"

aeri screams across the barricade as the said boy turned his head towards her direction, while you trudged behind her, ensuring that she wasn't falling over anything or anyone from excitement.

you learned her name when you two left your room as your dad shouted her name from downstairs. aeri, it was a pretty name and suited her really well. you couldn't help but draw similarities between the woman you knew and her. but they were also two very different people and that was something you shouldn’t forget.

"hey! I thought you two wouldn't make it before our cue. what happened?"

he had known you two for ages and it was unlikely of you to be late to something, especially when it involved close friends.

"this girl here had forgotten about this. unbelievable if you ask me."

"that's quite true. you good?"

aeri and jaemin truly cared for the person you are temporarily posing as. the gazes that you were receiving felt foreign, accountable to your lack of interaction with people. people who actually mattered to you. each and every time you had warped to another dimension, you would disappear to do what you must to prevent apocalypses regardless of what memories flowed through your consciousness.

it doesn’t take long to get everything in place and run the plans to break the sequence of events, given that you were one of the organization’s elite agents with a flawless portfolio. all that didn’t matter to you, life was already meaningless so why care much?

but the moment you had seen that very smile on her face in that photo frame, you wanted to stay in this dimension longer. even if it meant spending more time than you should in a single dimension.

"yeah, don't worry about me. I just had a splitting headache earlier today and I've just been out of it. I'm all good now though."

you regained your composure after some time and adjusted well with your new surroundings. the reaffirming clutch of your hand in aeri's was very comforting surprisingly, but you didn't understand why.

although she had bore similar physical traits with your lover, there was no reason to feel the warmth seeping through the clasp of your hands. and before your consciousness could give you an answer, your blood ran cold as the image of watching her slip through your fingers into nothing, bringing up the very emotions you were trying to suppress for years.

there was not a single day that you could sleep well as the endless nightmare of that event left you in a void of emptiness and desperation. the desperation of wanting to redeem yourself by saving other dimensions where different versions of her would live, regardless of whether different versions of you were there for her.

but absolutely none of that, would bring your lover back into your arms, safe and sound. smiling at you like those mundane days you had, which you would give anything to get them back.

"great. you two find your seats near the fronts, performers' privilege."

he proudly points towards two empty seats which were inevitably yours since the show had already started 20 minutes ago.

"wow, for once, na jaemin has done an amazing job."

"for once, stop roasting me. now shoo, I need to get my hair fixed."

the bickering between the two seemed so natural that you had kept quiet, not knowing if it was your place to interfere the conversation.

this was something you had always feared when you meddle with a dimension, the feeling of belonging. belonging somewhere that wasn't meant for you. would it hurt to feel? no. but it hurts knowing that whatever you did in this dimension, it wasn't you who did it. in the eyes of others, it was someone else. the deeds you do, the memories you share, the love you yearn.

once upon before the apocalypse, life was like this. concerts, outings, bonding, but it was also a time of weakness. your weakness of being powerless to protect the things precious to you, the people once dear to you. but when you've found the power to, you've lost beyond salvation, and there was nothing left to protect.

as you made your way to the seats, aeri couldn't hold back the urge to ask. because the way your eyes didn't carry that special shine her best friend naturally has, concerned her.

she could sense something different seeping from your usual aura. on certain days when you're not in the best condition, there would be times where she can tell that you aren't happy or upset about something and she'd find the right cure to your sour mood.

however, today felt odd. it was seemingly an aura that she hasn't seen from you. you weren't feeling good, but it felt as if you lost the fire in you. the fire you had bore in your soul for your passion. if it had been a bright red fire, it's like it turned into a calming blue one. somewhere in you, you've lost something, never able to ignite a bright red fire ever again.

aeri had convinced herself that perhaps you were tired from piano, burnt out and taking a break from it to regain that passion.

the previous act had just ended, and everyone were to take a five to check if everything was in order. the blaring speakers and annoying mc finally stopped ringing in your ears. instead, a soft voice tickled your right ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"baby, are you really okay? you don't seem to look well."

the girl had leaned in to whisper, and it almost short-circuited your brain with how proximity was out of the window instantly by that small gesture.

"yeah, I'm fine, what makes you say that?"

"you look.. different."

"and you feel different too."

it was as if she had known from the start, that you weren't her best friend she knew. yet, she was trying her best to make sense of her confusion. deep down, you knew that all of this was making no sense. absolutely no sense how you were sitting here with a person in the face of your lover, waiting for your friend's performance in the middle of the summer. all it took was a step out of the house and another step back to report to your superior of your work.

and here you were, reminiscing the memories you had. they were irreplaceable, and will never be. but no one can stop you from making new ones either. just this once, you say. just this once to hold her in my arms one last time.

as your arm grazed against hers, you were looking into her eyes for the first time since the evening started. never have you realized that she had such mesmerizing eyes, pulling you in like gravity.

when you had gazed into her eyes, she spotted a glimpse of admiration, the one that she was ever so familiar with. it put her at peace, reassured that you were alright that night.

your demeanor changed since that night, but she decided to brush it off, convincing herself that she was just overthinking again like she usually does. but maybe, she should have questioned further.

who were you?

you were a fever dream, but also a lifetime nightmare.

minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into days. the sense of time is only perceived in dimensions that were able to escape apocalypse. back at the headquarters, time was fluid, seemingly long at certain moments and short when you don't even notice. which was why you weren't too worried about residing longer in this dimension beside aeri.

"hey, what do you think about love?"

as she laid her head on your lap as you leaned against her bedframe, the question took you aback a little. this very question was presented to you ages ago by your lover, vaguely remembering the scene in your head. but you remembered your response to it, and it doesn't apply to you anymore. 'love is when I find myself staring at your eyes and get the butterflies each and every time.'

"love is like a thorn in a rose waiting to prick the chosen one."

"it's something so beautiful you can't help but to get close to, and once you admire and realize its worth, it pricks you. leaving you to bleed, it creates a kind of pain that numbs you, yet you reach for it again like none of that happened."

"it makes you yearn for it, and when you've had too many wounds, that's when you notice that you're hopeless."

you never forgot how it felt to love her, it was all too familiar when it felt so natural to fall for aeri, which you almost couldn't resist. the way her eyes curve into crescents as she smiles, the way her scent fill your senses when she leans on your shoulder, the way you feel the butterflies when you stare into her eyes.

it scared you.

this wasn't where you were to belong. yet, the feeling of loving her permeated through your entire being, unable to shake off as you willingly dive deeper into your emotions.

"girl, did someone hurt you?"

aeri laughed away, thinking that you were half-heartedly joking and sarcastically answering the question. her best friend wasn't the type to dwell in the topic of love and dating. she had better priorities in life, which was the piano that sat in her room across from aeri's.

the lack of your laughter made her frown instantly, cursing at herself for perhaps making a mistake.

"what's wrong? did someone really-"

"no no, nothing's wrong. I just thought of that when you asked me. it just felt like love is a rose, it can be beautiful and romantic to some, but also a painful past for others."

"well, you're not wrong. remember that guy from middle school? he was literally the biggest idiot in class and he had the balls to confess to you with a bunch of roses in front of the whole school."

"yeah, that was definitely not it."

you laughed along, but you couldn't. the story was too familiar, this was what happened to you ages ago. not this person you were posing as, but you. the details matched your experience, but only that the person receiving the confession being your lover.

it was too hard to just brush it off as a coincidence. many could be, but this was too specific. timelines matched but with only the people as a difference. the thought of this dimension being a parallel universe of yours brought shivers down your spine. what if it was? what if this dimension's apocalypse was inevitable, just like yours?

many what ifs were not going to stop the apocalypse. you were the only hope to save the world, but screw the world. all that crossed your mind as you caressed her hair was only one thing that mattered to you.

'I will keep you safe, even if it meant that I'd never be able to see you again.'

jaemin and jeno had agreed to go together to a frat party you were technically forced to go by some jock you bumped into in the hallway while you were on your way to meet aeri. the dude kept pestering that you blatantly spat in his face that you were going. he didn't mention that you couldn't have people tag along, so you had asked the boys if it was possible to stick around in case things get out of hand.

the girl though, she had the balls to say that she was worried about you. she was going to stick with you the entire time you were there in case some idiots decided to hit on you, she'd be able to swat them away. the audacity, you thought.

if anything, guys were clearly going to swarm over her instead, and you'd have to act as her bodyguard. given that you're a good three to four inches taller than her, that itself would be possible to scare a majority. nothing could get her off your arm as you walked into the house, reeking of alcohol and sweat already at nine. before you could even show your face to that jock and perhaps head to the quietest area which was probably the pool, you felt eyes on her. maybe this was a bad decision after all.

you didn't want to ruin the mood for the many people who were enjoying this, so all you could do was subside that indecipherable internal anger of yours and find that idiot so you could leave this instant. the dirty looks all over aeri made your insides churn and boil, no matter how much you tried to understand why, you never could.

you didn't love the girl, she was a different person from your lover, just bearing identical physical traits. it was something that you had been telling yourself ever since you arrived here two months ago. that was how long you’ve spent being here, than the usual one-week stay.

trying so hard to deny that you harboured feelings for aeri, your efforts were all in vain when all it takes is just a flash of her smile. even during this moment of her laughing along with jaemin and jeno, it reminds you too much of her. the smile you would see when she feeds the stray cat outside your office, the laughter you would hear when you tickle her during pillow fights.

why was it so hard to walk away and do what you were sent to do here initially? why did fail to resist the sweet temptation of being in love again? when you couldn’t even hold onto that hand of your lover? the hand in yours felt so warm, contradicting the chilly feeling that set into place ever since that day.

she started melting the glacier of ice, while you took a step back to freeze it again. because it’s wrong, so wrong.

"I see hyunjin there."

jeno's voice caught your attention along with the name. following his point of direction, you finally spot that jock chatting away in the kitchen corner with presumably his friends. definitely, you weren't going to let the girl tag along cause enough was enough, another guy and you were going to tear this place down.

"aeri, can you stay with jae for a bit? I'll go say hi then I'll be right back. jeno's gonna be here so don't worry."

although she was very reluctant to let you go alone, you showed her those shining eyes, praying it works again this time. thankfully, she gives you a nod and heads off with jaemin first.

as you made your way towards hyunjin, you were extremely disgusted at how his friends were eyeing you up and down, like you were nothing but just an item. him on the other hand, was a lot better surprisingly.

it reminded you a lot of your high school days. the times when your lover had numerous suitors waiting in line to be her one and only. but she had eyes for you. you were still oblivious of the heart eyes you got from her then. it took you years to realize before you dated. it was the exact definition of ‘she fell first, but you fell harder’. until now, it still pretty much applied.

"hey! you made it!"

"yeah, you were following me around for three days, asking me to come."

he laughed awkwardly, even a little shy. what was this boy's deal?

it was as if the tables have turned, you now dealing with these boys who were fawning over her. perhaps in this dimension, you were quite a popular one.

"I just wanted to get to know you more, so I thought of getting you to come and spend some time together."

as much as he seemed nice, you weren't interested, and unwilling to lead him on to thinking you were.

"sorry, I have a boyfriend. but we could still be friends."

a little lie wouldn’t hurt him, and jeno was conveniently standing on guard with his supposedly scary aura which you found amusing.

you extended your hand politely in hopes he wouldn't have a freak out and frantic screaming that his love interest had an alleged boyfriend.

"I see... well then, great to be your acquaintance. I hope you have enjoy your time here."

you started to notice that his friends weren't eyeing you eerily, but rather that it seemed that they were wary of your intentions with hyunjin. it was as if you were about to play with this boy's heart, and that's when you remembered that rumor of a varsity player being dumped by that good-for-nothing cheerleader.

in fact, you witnessed that cheerleader sucking off some other guy’s face in the stairways. you’ve never made such a fast u-turn in your life, which you probably should have when you were making that decision to join the organization. but have you not joined, you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet aeri. and maybe you would have been long dead.

who knows? you might have met your lover in the afterlife when the creatures found you, had it not for the organization.

if fate decided to play a game, you had no choice but to shoot your shot at it.

"thanks for the invite."

"jaemin, please tell me I'm not crazy. I swear that's not her."

"if that's not her, then who is she? come on, aeri. be real."

"I am being real. she keeps avoiding the hugs I give her, and when I get a little closer, she literally freezes up."

the girl ran her hands through her hair in frustration, not knowing what is the truth and what isn't anymore.

for the past two months, she sensed something different about you. were you drastically different? no. something was, and she just knew. but what? these were the questions that had occupied her head for the past week.

she noticed you avoiding her eyes, taking brief glances only, as if you were afraid. afraid of getting your feelings hurt. but why should you? you've been best friends with aeri for as long as you could remember. if anything, you two were inseparable according to reliable sources like jaemin and jeno.

the only thing was, the memories you gained from the owner of this body. it was torturing you more than you thought it should. the smile on her face through these eyes, the sweet laughter through these ears, the gentle touches through these fingertips. endless nights of witnessing aeri fall asleep before you did. just like those times you did when she was your lover.

"that's it? sis, I thought she'd turn into a werewolf or had poisonous potions in a secret room or something."

"and you're the one who's telling me to be real."

"and you're an idiot. sounds like she just likes you to me."

a thousand questions popped in her head. then those questions were given their respective answers as she put together the puzzle one by one. maybe, you liked her. maybe, you loved her.

but why? nothing had changed between you and her so why now? she admits that she had felt attracted to you at times, but she couldn't be sure that she had feelings for you. however she was uncertain, you hadn't been the most expressive these days and she wasn't a mind reader.

when she saw you emerging from the crowd with jeno, she knew that she needed answers before the night ended.

unfortunately no, aeri didn't get any answers because she didn't have a chance to ask. her frustration fueled the endless beer refills which ended her drunk on your back as you prepared her for bed.

and you were lucky that she hadn't gotten the chance to do so. for the past two months, every day you woke up to was a curse in disguise of a blessing. the realization that hit you every time that like a reminder at the back of your head, that aeri wasn't your lover. and every single thing you've done with her won't remain as time spent with you, but her best friend who's the best pianist to her.

all she remembers when she woke up the next day was nothing, with a hangover that was giving her the worse headache. and you remember everything too vividly.

that night, as you tucked her hair behind her ear, all you could do was hold back sobs as a tear managed to escape, trickling down your cheek.

you couldn't sit by and enjoy this newfound life any longer. the day this world ends was getting closer and you had a mission to prevent the apocalypse. you weren't waivered by the possibility of a punishment that would cost your life. you were terrified of witnessing another time of losing someone you loved, someone you love.

you love aeri, yes. but was it the remnants of the love you had for your lover? although that may have been the case, you couldn't deny that her and aeri shared countless similarities. it was wrong to keep drawing resemblances between the two. nevertheless, one thing was for sure.

this version of you in this dimension, had loved aeri for a long time.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I love you so much."

"please forgive me."

"nothing in this world belongs to me. but this love, my love is all mine, forever for you."

[balkanradfem]

It was a while ago I read this tumblr post, which still comes to my mind every time I think about the future. It was explaining in an insightful way, how it's not a violent revolution that will bring forward the better future, it's slow and consistent change of our everyday life, of our habits, the resources we use and the way we go about achieving things. If we're hoping for a future where we're not dependent on capitalism, not destroying the environment, not robbed of our labour for a fraction of the money we need to survive, we'll have to slowly die capitalism out, by changing our own living habits.

If a sudden shift happened, and capitalism stopped functioning overnight, for most of the people that would be unsurvivable,  all of the resources, food, jobs and life-sustaining services would stop. And we can't afford that. But, if instead we slowly backed away from it, generated alternatives, created communities and systems that can sustain us without capitalism, then it would only be a matter of time before capitalism is fully dead, with everyone alive, everyone safe. And this slow shift would be able to happen through decades and generations, and it would still be a great positive shift, with a future in sight. Capitalism offers no survivable future, seemingly ready to last as long as it can by destroying whatever is left from the environment and people alike, for the benefit of the few.

So let's see how we got here, or how I feel, looking back, we got here.

People used to be less dependent on a global system of distribution of resources, even just a 100 years ago; survival and trade skills were passed down in families and communities, and people would be able to make inside of their home and communities, a big percentage of things that we today would buy at the store. In those times there was no other way to gain those resources but by relying on people's knowledge, skill and labour. The future, however, promised a more convenient and easy way to gain all those resources, because they would be made by machines, and thus cheaper. And things kept coming in cheaper, for no visible labour required; you just needed to have money to buy them, which not everyone had.

But this too, would change as cheaper and cheaper things arrived, and it became less convenient to make those things yourself or within your community, and more convenient to just trade some money, and have it all be done for you. For people then, it could mean less energy spent on survival, more leisure time, more health and longer lifespan – except, it didn't, because the jobs that they needed to earn that money, tended to take all of that away. So still, there was a lot produced at home or within the communities, independent workshops and artist shops, so people within in the community would benefit from each other, instead of benefiting some faceless global corporation.

And now we know where this went; conveniences started lining up to the point where not having a certain convenience meant that you were below the norm. They sometimes got mixed up with inconveniences, but those inconveniences were 'necessary'. For instance, pollution became necessary, highways, huge trucks delivering goods, the oil industry, destruction of forests and habitats, exploitation of the poor, extinction of certain animals, and by the end of it, the climate change.

When I was born, my mother and grandmother still attempted to pass some skills that their mothers taught them; I remember being taught how to knit at the age of 5, the activity which at that age, seemed awfully tedious and was soon abandoned, and my grandmother showed me how to crochet, which I also soon forgot. After the age of small child, they both looked at the world, shrugged and decided 'she won't need it', and they have stopped trying to teach me any skills of the sort.

Buying things, rather than making them, already seemed the norm. People were readily telling you that you are stupid for trying to make something, when you could get it in the store, for very little money. Having animals at home, or growing food, was slowly getting replaced by buying it cheap, or buying tons of snacks, and biscuits and cakes, which now you could get pre-packaged, readily available to consume at your leisure. If it brought lots of waste from packaging, plastic and other non-degradable materials, nobody cared, it was new, convenient, and available, and we would have it, and live luxuriously.

Soon nobody seemed to talk anymore, about what we used to do before we were able to buy anything we could possibly need at the store; nobody would tell me what were the names of the native plants, and which ones I could make into teas, I was instead told to change my priorities because this kind of behaviour will never get me any money. All of my efforts to do arts and crafts, to forage, to make things from scratch, to paint and invent stories, were called frivolous, because they would not generate the one thing that was now the only thing worth generating: money.

It simplifies things a lot, instead of making various, interesting, self-made and beloved items that would all require different knowledge and skills, a human is now required to put all of their talents into 1 thing that would generate revenue, and then do that one thing, for entire life, and this would present a normal life on earth now. This was how it was presented to me, and it was before I found out that keeping one job for the whole life, was no longer an option, that changing jobs was the norm and was not often volountary.  I did not, however, understand how doing that one job would not make someone go insane, and nobody was explaining that to me, it was just, the life.

So while the world was shifting into this new concept of 'make nothing but money', the first millionaires started to appear, the billionaire was not even conceptual, having 1 million was equal to being the richest person on the planet. That is pretty laughable to us now. Back then, it felt like heading into a new exciting world, but we know better now. We understand that lives consisting of a job and thousands of conveniences, easily sends a human being into a depression. We understand that relying on a job to keep us alive, and having constantly to compete with everyone else unemployed, to get one, has brought us to a place where others are a competition, not a resource, not a community. We understand that living in a world where we have to market ourselves as a resource, causes a lot of us to lose self confidence and the feeling of value, while it sends others into obsession with becoming popular, gaining perceived value, gathering a public image, that would later prove to be profitable.

By this time, unknown to us all, this life of convenience and consumerism had caused immense damage to the environment, and we were mostly kept in the dark about it, so we wouldn't complain. We learned about the holes in the ozone layer, but were told it was merely the fault of certain aerosols, and the rest of the stuff was fine. We would in the future get to watch oil spills and devastation of animal habitats, never fully connecting it to corporations who were responsible. Acid rains were mentioned, but we were told they caused by the new pesticides, but it was the fault of the farmers, they said, who simply used too much of it. Now we know it was the exhaust fumes from cars, factories and coal power plants. Climate change was barely mentioned, and even less believed in. And now, we can no longer ignore it.

So, what do we do in order to progress? We obviously can't go back to where we came from, but we are now made aware that the amount of energy and resources we're consuming, and the amount of toxic waste we're creating, will devastate the planet to the point where a big chunk of it will become inhabitable, millions of both people and animals, will end up dead if we keep going. But wait! How can I blame the people for any of this, when it's obviously the corporations that are doing the most damage, lobbying and hiding what is in actuality going on? And you're completely correct, I would have to say, it is corporations, and for the most time, we really didn't know the extent of damage they were doing. So why are the corporations exactly doing all of this? For profit. And who's giving them all that profit? Well, the consumers, by consuming all of the oil, energy, goods, resources and products they make. So how do we take down the corporations? By not giving them any of the profits. But, we can't do that in the current state of the world, we need cars, and food, and that food to be shipped and delivered from the distant lands, and we are all depressed and if we can't at least have our favourite snack, food we're used to, little treats and pieces of clothing that make us happy, we no longer feel like we can live!

And that's where the slow and meaningful habit shift comes into place. The thing is, we're not the same people we were 50 or 100 years ago, we don't have the skills of our ancestors, we're not used to producing our own resources, we are out of touch with nature, and we struggle to find our communities and feel valued. But we also have, so much more information and education at our fingertips. We have more scientific data, we have more access to information, we have more people creating public resources, we have the experiences and wisdom of generations back, only waiting for us to reach out, to tap into what the humanity knew  centuries ago.

We're made to do various activities! We thrive on changing our habits by season, even by weeks. We thrive in communities, with no competition for resources. We love creating art, music, crafts and beauty just for fun, and the communal value of it cannot be compared to money. We don't like being reduced into human resources or labour force, we don't like repetitive activities that don't produce results or seem nonsensical, we don't like to be stuck within one room for most of the day, we don't like being replaced when we stand up for our rights.

I can already see a lot of people valuing all of the things on this planet that cannot be exchanged for money, but have intricate value in our lives and experiences; wild animals, plants, forests, environments and ecosystems filled with life, little stories and jokes we tell to each other, making crafts just for the sake of making things, creating their own clothes or fabrics, learning how it was done in the past; growing food, foraging, herbalism, basketry, making of soap and fixing things on our own, visible mending, connections and building communities, we are remembering it's what we want and need, and we're not going to build it the way it was in the past; we're going to do it our own way, with the knowledge and experience we have, the way we think is the best. All we need to do is start small. Do one little shift that takes you one tiny step away from consumerism. Add one little enrichment in your life that doesn't have anything to do with money or purchasing. Find little ways to save on energy that doesn't make any dips in your happiness or comfort levels, that only requires a little bit of your attention or focus to do.

Big shifts are not sustainable, and are not survivable, but we didn't get here by a big shift; we got here by a series of small, almost invisible shifts that we barely felt were happening, until it was our new normal. We can do small, painless shifts too, but this time, they're going to be conscious, purposeful, with thoughts of the future behind it, and they're going to come from us. Not the corporations, not the money holders, but us, pushing the future to the direction that we want.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 76

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe: Military School

Words: 5K

TW: Abuse Mention

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, March 26; 9:00 PM – Jenni and Alexia's apartment.

The evening is underway. We're at Jenni's since her apartment is the closest to The United. Needless to say, our friend is well-stocked with beer for the girls' enjoyment. We ordered takeout – Chinese food, to keep things simple. The others left us about an hour ago to enjoy their own evening. We started ours by playing a few rounds of car racing games on Jenni's PlayStation. The games went on until our stomachs started growling. I think Mapi was mostly tired of Alexia beating us. It seems like she's had a bit more practice than we have. So now we're eating, and I took the opportunity to share the good news I received today.

"And so, she’s willing to take you on at her gallery?" Ale asks. "That’s crazy. Small world, huh?"

"We're not complaining," Mapi replies with her mouth full.

She swallows before continuing:

"We were starting to worry you wouldn’t be with us next year."

"Oh no. I was more worried about ending up with nothing. I don’t think I would have left anyway..."

"But is this thing certain?" Ale asks.

"Supposedly. She wants me to visit the gallery and spend a weekend there to see if it works for both of us."

"That’s cool. At least you’ll get a feel for it."

"Yeah, exactly! Plus, she’s a woman running the gallery alone, which suits me even better."

"Yeah, that’s great news," Alexia comments, though with a hint of sadness.

My remark brings about a short silence. I take a deep breath and uncross my legs, placing them on the ground. It was now or never. I mean, there wasn’t a better opportunity.

"I think I’m ready to talk to you about it, girls."

They were both focused on their little boxes of Chinese noodles before I sparked their interest. Neither could hide their surprise.

"You don’t have to," Mapi says first. "I’ve lived in silence for over a year, and I’m fine with that."

"No. Well, no, I don’t have to. But I managed to talk to Lucy about it, so I feel ready to talk to you now. I know you won’t judge me or anything like that anyway."

"That’s the last thing we’d do," Ale replies. "But like Mapi said, don’t feel obligated. Lucy knows, so it’s already a big step for you to have opened up once."

"It’s not about opening up anymore. It’s that you two are my best friends, and I want you to know what destroyed me one day."

They nod in understanding.

"It’s just that if there are two people I’m going to tell this story to, it’s you two."

"Okay," Mapi says first. "Well, if you want to know, I’ve been looking for the truth about all of this for a long time, even though I’ve come up with plenty of scenarios in my head. That piece of garbage Feli still managed to destroy my best friend."

I give a sad smile. It took me a while to understand, but I wasn’t the only one affected by my change in behavior.

"That scumbag, as you put it, abused me for almost a year," I say bluntly, without beating around the bush.

I owed it to myself to do it this way, or my resolve would have evaporated. Still, I can’t bring myself to meet their eyes. I keep my gaze fixed on my box of food, resting on my knees.

"What do you mean, abused...?" Ale murmurs.

"She got angry because of the drugs, and I paid the price... I won’t go into the details. Even Lucy doesn’t know. She ended up figuring it out after my fight with Korbin. I had completely shut down and didn’t want her to treat me at the time, until she understood what was happening."

My throat tightens at the memories resurfacing. It’s harder than I imagined. Alexia, sitting beside me, places her hand on my knee for support.

"I—I didn’t mean to push people away. I just couldn’t stand being touched or approached anymore. I feel vulnerable around people..."

"Oh my God, you poor thing... I didn’t realize it was that bad. So... she hit you?" she asks uncertainly.

I lift my head to see them looking at me with sadness. I sigh and stand up. I don’t like feeling pitied, but I knew what to expect when I started this topic. My back is turned when Mapi speaks before I can answer.

"She did more than that, didn’t she? How far did that bitch go? I mean, you were so strong before. I never would’ve imagined someone could break you like that."

A few tears escape me. I quickly wipe them away. Mapi’s the only person who can guess the full extent of what she did. No one else here knew the Ona from before. So bold and rebellious.

"She did a lot of things I regret," I whisper.

I turn around and lift my sweater to show them my scars. Their gasps fill the room. Some are burn marks, often from cigarettes. Others are knife wounds that struggled to heal properly, as I was never able to treat them. Looking back, I think some of them should have required hospital care. But I never went. It would have meant reporting Feli and going back home. I feel foolish for never doing it now.

"I’ve never seen those," Mapi admits breathlessly.

"Well, if you think about it, I haven’t undressed in front of you since I got back," I point out.

I was never shy with Mapi since she was my high school girlfriend. We used to undress and change in front of each other without any issues before all this.

"The only time you could’ve seen them was at the pool a few months ago, but you were too busy with Ingrid and Joan," I add with a small smile to lighten the mood.

"Oh yeah, that day," she replies. "But wait, you had trouble going to the pool then?" she realizes with shock.

I bite my lip and nod.

"I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t say anything because everyone was so excited. Lucy scolded me in the changing rooms when you all left. She didn’t know no one else had seen them except her... She reassured me and made me feel comfortable before joining you all."

"Oh my God! But why didn’t you say anything?"

"It’s fine, I’m not dead," I joke. "Lucy is slowly helping me feel more comfortable in my body..." I add, blushing.

She’s the first person I allowed to see me in my underwear, practically at the start of our relationship. Granted, I was in bad shape and in a tough spot because of my withdrawal, but I could have refused her help. Somehow, she managed to earn my trust quickly.

"Does she know she abused you?"

I blush even more than before. Mapi never holds back. I can’t even contradict her because we both know she’s right. I had no shame or fear before Feli.

"No," I whisper. "I told her no to avoid her pitying me. She was already worried enough about everything else."

"You can’t hide that from her," Mapi protests.

Her reaction surprises me, and I’m at a loss for words. It’s such a sensitive topic. I’m already pushing myself to talk to her about it, so telling Lucy... the person I share my bed with... is asking a lot. The worst part is that this happened frequently because of Feli’s violence. She had hormone surges she wanted to satisfy, and I was powerless. I often thanked the drugs for helping me forget half of those moments. Seeing my distress and disconnection, Ale steps in to help me.

"Stop, Mapi. This isn’t an easy thing to discuss, especially not with her girlfriend," she defends me.

"What? If I were in her shoes, I’d want to know!" Mapi retorts.

"Please don’t say that," I reply, feeling some remorse now. "I didn’t want her to pity me about this, or worse, to hold back. I wanted everything to happen at my own pace, with her help, and that’s what happened. »

Ale nods in understanding, while Mapi crosses her arms. I sigh at that.

“I was planning to tell her after our first time, but I’m afraid she might take it badly, or... I don’t know... Her reaction scares me a little.”

“She would have every reason to take it badly,” Mapi grumbles. “She would’ve reacted differently if she’d known!”

“And that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. You know very well I hate being pitied! That’s not how she would’ve helped me!”

Mapi dramatically sighs and rolls her eyes. I understand her frustration. Mapi is the only one who knew me before all of this. She hates that I’ve become so secretive. I guess she expected me to open up at least with the woman who shares my life so she could take care of me. But this is still my choice.

“And what exactly does she know? And since when? Because if even she doesn’t know everything, I’m not sure how to help you anymore.”

“Come on, you’re exaggerating. She’s known a lot for a while. She knows I was a junkie and that I lived in abandoned places with Feli and the other addicts.”

“She knows why you ran away?” Mapi snaps with a certain bitterness.

“Yes, she knows about my dad’s death in combat, and how close we were. She also knows about the communication problems with my family, especially with my mom... Even though that’s a lot better now.”

“And she knows she was violent?”

“Yes, since Korbin, she knows. Like I said before, she’s the only one who will ever know the details of every one of my scars.”

I say this preemptively to stand my ground. I understand she’s still worried about me after hearing all of this, but she has no right to question my choices. Not about Lucy, nor about what I choose to tell her. Mapi narrows her eyes for a moment before sighing in defeat.

“Fine,” she mutters.

“Lucy has helped you a lot...”

I give a sad smile to Alexia, who seems a bit shocked. The poor thing just learned a lot all at once. I had never told her any of this before. To my surprise, she doesn’t resent me for keeping it from her, judging by the way she continues.

“I remember the first day we met. You brushed me off like never before,” she laughs. “I thought I was in for a rough year, and that we’d never be friends given the anger coming off you…”

The way I acted when I met Alexia is one of my biggest regrets. We’ve become very close since then. Alexia just wanted a friend, having never had one before, and I’m glad she can now count me as one.

“But in the end...” she continues. “Once you faced Lucy, I saw that anger disappear. I don’t know how she did it, but she really helped you work through a lot.”

My shoulders slump at this truth. She understands what my girlfriend has done for me. I nod softly to confirm.

“Yes… That’s exactly what happened. She pushed me physically and mentally with punishments… Yet she always listened and supported me. I questioned myself so many times because of her, and I started to trust her. Once she realized that, she began to rebuild me.”

“You see,” Alexia turns to Mapi. “You’re scolding her for not opening up enough… But I think Lucy already knows.”

“Why do you say that?” my best friend asks, frowning.

“Because Ona has never needed to speak for Lucy to understand that something is wrong.”

I sit at these words. If I were honest with myself, I’d say that’s exactly what I hoped for from Lucy. I pushed her away so many times when things got serious, hoping she’d figure out what I’d been through. Unfortunately, she’s never brought it up. So I don’t know if she knows.

“I’m sorry,” Mapi says. “You’re probably right, Ale. I was so jealous at first of how easily she reads you when I’m supposed to know you best… So yeah… She probably already knows, if I could figure it out.”

“I hope so,” I murmured. “I don’t want to say it out loud.”

“Do you still have trouble with people in general?” Mapi asks me.

“No... Well, school and Lucy in particular have helped me open up to the world again. I still push people away sometimes when they surprise me with touch, but it’s happening less and less. We’re working on it a lot.”

“With Lucy?”

“Yes. She’s helping me regain my confidence. In fact, I finally gave myself to her last week.”

“She’s really had a lot of patience. Kudos to her, because I would never have been able to do what she’s done in such a short time.”

“Totally,” Ale agrees. “It’s no wonder you’re so close. Even if you two hadn’t gotten together, I think you’d have maintained a strong bond that the other students wouldn’t understand.”

“Speaking of school, I forgot to tell you, but Wiegman knows,” I said.

The girls look at me without any visible reaction, taking a moment to process what I said.

“Who’s Wiegman?” Mapi responds.

“What do you mean Wiegman knows?!” Ale exclaims.

“Wiegman knows,” I repeat with a small laugh. “Wiegman is the school principal, and she knows. My management professor, who has a crush on Lucy, talked about us to Wiegman. Lucy was there to hand in her resignation letter, and she confessed. She didn’t want to lie, especially since she was about to leave anyway.”

“Wow!” Mapi exclaims. “She’s lost it!”

“But what happened? Are you two getting expelled?”

“No. We think the fact that she knows my mom helped a lot. She also took Lucy’s resignation into account. Since we’re at the end of the school year, she’s letting us finish, and I’m allowed to continue my evening classes since they’re part of my apprenticeship,” I explain with a shrug. “We just have to keep being discreet because if any student finds out, she won’t be able to do anything to stop us from getting expelled.”

“Wow!” Ale exclaims. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yep. So… Wiegman knows,” I sighed.

“Lucy really took some big risks.”

“I know. I felt bad when she told me, but it just goes to show that honesty pays off.”

“And when did all of this happen?”

“Yesterday.”

“And then you say nothing interesting happens in your life,” Mapi mutters to Ale, who bursts out laughing.

“Alright, enough about me. What about you two!? You always let me go first.”

I look at them in turn. They glance at each other, and Alexia decides to go ahead.

“Well, nothing special. Alba agreed to meet Jenni at Leah’s party. Of course, Jenni accepted, but she’s terrified,” she laughs. “She’s afraid of Alba’s reaction.”

“Your sister’s a bit of a pain,” Mapi comments.

“A bit, yeah,” she sighs. “It’s partly my fault too. I hid my relationship for way too long. I shouldn’t have.”

“True,” I agreed.

“Have you talked to Lucy about it? Are you two coming?”

I shake my head, crushing her hopes instantly.

“Sorry, but she refused. Since we’re under scrutiny with Wiegman, she really wants to wait until the end of the school year before we go public with my school friends.”

“Damn…” she sighs.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be well surrounded. Misa will be there, I imagine.”

“Yeah…”

“She’s really cool, you know. We helped each other out when you and Alba were called in. Maybe you could do the same for her that night…”

“I’ll see,” she grimaces. “I’m not sure where to place her. She came to tell me, and I quote, ‘we should get to know each other better.’”

“Who’s she? Your sister-in-law?”

“Ew, don’t call her that,” Ale replies.

I laugh heartily. It seems like things still aren’t smooth between them. I know she doesn’t really like her, but she’d be surprised.

“Come on, she’ll be a good help, trust me.”

- Yeah, well, wait. I think Alba plans to spend part of the holidays with us, like, "to make up for lost time," you know? I'm so pissed! I thought we'd finally be able to enjoy some time just the two of us!

I laugh again. I understand how she feels. It’s always like that with Lucy. We plan to be together, and then everything gets turned upside down. It's complicated with family all over the place.  

- And on top of that, you two won't be here, she adds. I heard you're leaving a week early.  

- Yeah, we're going to my grandfather's for the first week. Since we're going to Portugal, we might as well make the most of it, I replied.  

- Yeah, that's true, but once again, you won't be here to back me up, she says, pouting.  

- Either way, we wouldn't have been here. You'll have to wait until the end of the year for that.  

- Damn it, sighs Ale. It's ridiculous. It’s not like our friends would rat you out.

- Oh, you never know! Mapi surprisingly defends us. All it takes is for someone to have something against Lucy or even Ona, and boom, they're screwed.

- Yeah, mumbles Ale, not entirely convinced.

I laugh quietly to myself, but I think that’s exactly what Lucy believes too. That, and maybe the fact that she doesn’t want to get too close to her students before she leaves. I’m giving her some space for now, but once exams are over, she won’t have any more excuses. I definitely plan to introduce her to the whole gang.  

- So, Mapi, what about you? Anything new?  

- Not much. I'm selling my apartment. Preparing for my move... The school accepted my enrollment.  

- That's awesome! Ale comments.  

- Yeah, definitely a good thing. Also, my parents got in touch.  

- No way! What did they want?  

- To spend time together and reconnect, she laughs bitterly. Apparently, they wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing.  

- Ouch. Any hidden agenda?  

- No idea. I refused. I plan to spend my vacation here getting settled. I told them that and mentioned I have a girlfriend. When they started giving me grief about it, I hung up.  

- No surprise, I grimaced. They didn’t even ask how you were doing before that?  

- Nope. They started by asking how school’s going, if I’m doing well... Same old. I guess they still don’t have anyone to take over their stupid business. I wasn’t planning on seeing them again anyway. They probably thought I’d changed my mind about how I live. They still haven’t realized I’ll never be straight or take over their damn succession.  

- But what exactly do they hold against you? Ale asks calmly.  

- Well, exactly what I just said. Being a lesbian and loving engineering, which they consider a "man’s job." They would’ve preferred me to inherit the family business and start a family with a man for the succession. I’ve always refused. There’s no way I’m pretending to be someone I’m not for people who were never there for me.  

I smile sadly. She rarely talks about her family, even to me. All I know is that they’re rich, always off on business trips, and were never around. The day of her accident was the turning point for her. They couldn’t even be there for her, so she not only rejected her inheritance but also cut ties with them. I knew it was hard for her. Despite what she says, she values family a lot. I can tell when she’s with mine. She’s always said I had nothing to complain about. I find it awful that her parents want her to be someone she’s not. I’m glad she’s finally found some peace in her life thanks to Ingrid.  

- Anyway, no more news from them. I’m living my life, about to join you guys, and it’s about time. I’m really happy about that.  

- And how’s your leg?  

- It’s doing better. The pain is less frequent. But I know it’ll never fully heal. I was told that after the first surgeries.  

- Do you need another operation soon?  

- No, your mom managed to avoid that. We found other solutions. Better physios,… Anyway, they’ll never be able to fully fix it.  

- What happened, with that? Ale asks hesitantly.  

- Car accident. Wasn’t even my fault, she jokes with a laugh. A drunk driver crashed head-on into my mom and me. My knee got completely crushed. According to all the doctors, I was very lucky, if not miraculous, to have saved it.  

My heart sinks every time she talks about it. She was heading home with her mom when it happened. Mapi was the most injured since the car hit her side. The man in the other car flew through the windshield and didn’t make it. Her mom was the least hurt, with just a broken arm and a few cracked ribs. They were rushed to the hospital, especially Mapi, whose knee was shattered. Their father joined them at the hospital. What I find disgusting is that once her mom recovered, her parents didn’t stay with her. Mapi was a teenager, and legally, they shouldn’t have left her alone. But they did. They went back on business trips for days. They only visited occasionally to check on her progress. Mapi had to go through several surgeries alone, with no support. Then came the physical therapy, where they’d just drop her off at the doctors without asking if she needed help. She’s always said that the best thing her parents did for her was bringing her to Barcelona. They were advised to go to the best surgeons there. That’s when we met at school, and my mom started visiting her at the hospital since she was always alone. She’s always told me that her real family is us.  

- By the way, did you call your mom about the wedding?  

- What wedding? Ale asks.  

I blush in embarrassment. I didn’t even have time to tell her. My God, I really need to get back to reality.  

- My mom’s getting married to her partner. I called her this morning, and I agreed to be her maid of honour.  

Mapi practically explodes with joy, jumping on me. I laugh softly. I know she’s always wanted us to get along better since she’s always gotten along with my mom.  

- No way? Oh, I’m so happy! So, you’re going?  

- Of course, I roll my eyes. It’ll be after the exams. June 18th.  

- Oh no, Ale groans. You won’t even be here for my birthday!  

- Really? When’s your birthday? I ask.  

- Well… the 18th, she laughs.  

- Damn. No, we definitely won’t be here, I chuckle. We’ll probably head to Barcelona right after the exams to help with the preparations and all that. Lucy suggested it to get a break before the exam results come out.  

- Oh, that’s even better! You’ll be with me then! Can Ingrid come too?  

- My mom will probably invite her too, so yeah, of course, I laugh.  

- Well, I’m still upset. No one will be here for my birthday, Ale says, crossing her arms.  

- Oh, come on, we’ll celebrate your birthday, don’t worry.  

I say, giving her a hug. The last thing I want is to not celebrate her birthday.  

- Yeah. We’ll do it when we’re back. Maybe a night out, something with lots of drinks! It would do us good.  

- Speaking of drinks, I saw a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Anyone interested?  

- Yeah! Mapi exclaims. Go ahead, pop it open!

We laugh as Ale gets up to grab it. A glass of champagne sounds good tonight. I needed to unwind, and since Lucy is picking me up later, I don’t hesitate to have a drink or two, especially after Ale pulls out the rest of the alcohol from the other night.

Saturday, March 26; 2:50 AM - Jenni and Alexia's Apartment.

- Darling, someone murmurs to me.

I groan, burying my head into something soft, like a pillow. I recognize Lucy’s touch as she runs her hand through my hair, a little mocking laugh escaping her.

- Come on, get up. I need a little help.

I sigh contentedly, blinking my eyes open. It’s hard to keep them open, even though there’s no light in the room.

- You can stay here if you want, I hear Jenni offer.

- No, no. We’re heading home. Come on, babe, at least sit up so I can carry you.

I groan as she pulls my arms, trying to sit me up. I never know where she gets her strength, but somehow, she always manages. I have a slight headache. I definitely overdid it with the drinks tonight. I don't even know what time it is. Wrapping my arms around my girlfriend, I teasingly pull her toward me. She laughs before pressing her lips to mine.

- You’re not going to make this easy, are you?

- Nope, I grumble.

Too tired to fight back, I let my head fall onto her shoulder. She takes advantage of my state to pull me to the edge of the couch, then lifts me by holding me firmly by the thighs. My limp body betrays me, collapsing entirely against her.

- Thanks again for the evening.

- Will you be okay? Jenni asks her.

- Oh, yeah. It’s not the first time I’ve had to carry her, she jokes.

- Alright, she laughs. Be careful on your way back. Text me when you’re home.

- I will. Thanks.

I hear the door close as Lucy moves, followed by the sound of the elevator. I wait until the doors close to speak.

- You’re not mad at me? I mumble.

- Mad at you for what, baby? she whispers.

She gives me a little bounce to adjust her grip on my body. I groan softly at the jostling.

- For drinking too much, I whisper into her neck.

I’m being honest, because I know she knows. We didn’t have time to clean up the bottles, and I must reek of alcohol. I'd rather be upfront than face a scolding.

- No, she surprises me by saying. Not in this environment, where it’s safe.

A long breath of relief escapes me. She kisses my temple and finally exits when we reach the ground floor. I can feel the cold, and I realize I don’t have my jacket on.

- I’m warning you, once we get to our building, you’re walking up. You’re getting heavy, I swear.

I laugh into her neck as best I can, but I nod. I figure by the time we get there, I’ll be somewhat awake. Somehow, Lucy manages to get me into the car, and I hear the door shut before she walks around to the driver’s side. That’s when I notice my jacket is draped over my lap. I decide to put it on to stay warm.

- I love you, you know that? I say, in the middle of the drive, making my girlfriend laugh.

- Yeah, babe. I think I’m aware, she teases.

- Why are you laughing? It’s not funny. I’m being very serious! I huff.

- I’m not laughing.

- Yes, you are!

- Well, only because you’re the most adorable thing when you’re drunk. I forgot how happy you get in these moments.

- Does that mean I can drink again? I say excitedly.

- I never forbade you from drinking, she sighs.

- Yes, you did at the beginning.

- Yeah, but back then, you weren’t as responsible as you are now. And the places you frequented weren’t exactly the safest.

- Blah, blah, blah.

- Babe, she giggles. Don’t pick a fight in such a nice moment.

- Hmm, I reply, stretching. I’ll try not to, I tease.

We arrive at our building, and Lucy parks in the underground garage. This time, she doesn’t carry me up, but she still helps me stay upright and even undress me a little once we get to our apartment.

- Can I wear one of your shirts? I mumble as I collapse onto the bed.

- Of course.

I’m down to my underwear as she rummages through our closet. I take off my bra without any hesitation. Partly because I’m drunk, partly because I’ve become comfortable with Lucy since we made love.

- Here, she says, tossing me one.

I put it on quickly and slide under the covers, watching Lucy change. Once she’s done, she joins me in bed. I barely have time to snuggle up to her before I feel myself drifting off. I can still feel her lips against mine just before I fall asleep.

- Good night, my love.

- Good night, baby, I mumble back.

[itsclydebitches]

There's something I find pretty messed up about Little's part of the story. Penny is dead. The story puts focus on this and how it's effecting Ruby and is why Little's death is what breaks Ruby. The volume ends though with Little coming back so it's a happy end, right? Except Penny is still dead and never coming back. And they are going back to a world where people die when they are killed. It's like "Forget about your dead friend cause we got one where your actions don't have consequences."

Yeah, that's an issue with the Ascension arc as a whole. As discussed previously, we're already starting from a place of confusing messages because the world can't decide what Ascension exactly is. Some beings lose all their memories and (arguably as a result) their sense of self. Some just seem to get cool upgrades. Some change in such monumental ways they probably can't go back to their old life even if they wanted to (can Somewhat ever live with the other mice again now that they're like fifty times their size?). And some, Like Ruby, undergo no changes at all except a convenient and ambiguous ~emotional clarity~

So Ascension is a catch-all "Anything could happen" situation where all options, no matter how shady they appear to the audience, are eventually presented as #good by the show... except I'm 100% sure they only come across that way BECAUSE they happen to side characters we're not invested in/are leaving behind. Would people honestly have been happy if Ruby:

Completely forgot who she was (King)

Got some crazy physical upgrade that would fundamentally change the power dynamics of the show/other her in Remnant/imply that she's a faunus to strangers if she got some animal trait (the Caterpillar/Somewhat)

Came away with a new "purpose" and decided she didn't want to be a Huntress anymore (the Paper Pleasers)

There's a reason Ruby did not change except to inexplicably regain her confidence because the show and on some level recognizes that these options are indeed an awful kind of "death," something that would be bad to do to your main character (baring a monumental shift in the show). When we talk about the importance of growth (in real life and in fiction) we're referencing a context in which a person changes slowly over time, adapting to each change in a natural way, all of it a combination of environmental factors and personal agency. To just have some magical tree instantly change you without consent, making you "better" by its own, undefined parameters... that's not wonderful, that's horrifying! But as you say, even if we overlook all that and come at Ascension from a direction the story wants, accepting and praising such an aspect of this world... Team RWBY doesn't live in that world. What did they learn from this then? Yay for people who live in alternate realities because they get to become "better" rather than dying? Good for them, but our friends are still dead and our lives are still on the line.

If RWBY wanted this arc they not only needed to reeeeeally clean up what Ascension is/how it works, but decide on the message they're trying to impart. Because what we got, on a literal level, is Ruby being depressed enough to choose ending (that version of) her life, instead being rewarded for that choice by a pantheon she's kinda fighting against (in a way that both skips her development and ignores every other implied rule of Ascension), and is returning to a world where none of this matters because death is a Permanent Thing That She's Going to Be Seeing a Whole Lot More of Soon.

Penny is dead. Many other allies are dead. Weiss' Kingdom is gone. Salem is set to exterminate the rest of Remnant, and instead of dealing with any of that Volume 9 gave Team RWBY a (literal) fantasy world where everything is just fine, actually. Wouldn't it be cool if no one actually died and whenever it seems like they did they'd just come back as an upgraded version of themselves? Yeah! Too bad that's not the reality they're heading back to.

Honestly, the way to clean up all of Volume 9 for me is to slap a "It was just a dream" disclaimer on it. Volume 10 we learn that Ruby had a crazy, contradictory fever dream post-battle in which the biggest trauma she's ever faced is magically fixed by her subconscious? Yeah, that tracks. More than taking Volume 9 at face value.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ok so i was actually kinda surprised to find that looking at the ao3 stats and adjusting for how long ofmd’s existed (a year and a half) vs how long the stucky fandom’s been around (coming up on a decade), not only is gentlebeard on par with stucky but it actually beats stucky for amount of fics written. but i’m making a prediction now just based on how i’ve observed fandoms to work: i do think the gentlebeard popularity will peter out faster than stucky did

i’m not saying bc i think gentlebeard is worse or the ofmd fandom is weak or anything, i’m saying this bc in fandom it seems like the white masc queerbait ships* have like, an absurd amount of longevity that goes way beyond the general fandom surrounding whatever media said white masc queerbait ship hails from. im thinking abt the protagonist/rival ship from the TERF wizard series that nobody decent talks about in public anymore. before we all cut jkr out of our lives, people were still churning out fics abt the main character and that racist blond kid pretty regularly. and another example, we have those scientists from pacific rim that are more popular than any of the main characters from that movie. it’s been years and the newt/hermann fandom is still going strong.

and i say “newt/hermann fandom” intentionally, bc that’s the thing that i think actually gives these ships their longevity: when there are fans who are primarily invested in a piece of media because of a noncanonical masc4masc queerbait ship, they’re not really fans of the media itself. i mean, some of them might be, but if they are then that’s in addition to being fans of this alternate queer interpretation of the media in question. they’re a fan of the fandom mass hallucination that the fans collectively and collaboratively invented of a romantic/sexual/homoerotic relationship between two guys who on-screen might hug like once or twice (or sometimes even never)

and i’m pretty sure the reason this sort of fandom phenomenon tends to have so much longevity is bc the fans have already created this whole extensive romantic storyline using what is often some pretty minimal canonical material to work with. so when the movie franchise or the tv show ends and the shippers no longer have any new canonical material to work with, they can keep going for years because really, they were already making shit up from the start.

so compared to that, gentlebeard is way different bc everything the fans might have invented on our own the show pretty much already did for us, and anything the show didn’t do yet is probably coming for us this season (or in s3, fingers crossed). i’ve mentioned before how a lot of fanfiction seems to fall on a spectrum between “fix” and “expand,” and by the end of ofmd i doubt there’s gonna be a whole lot that gentlebeard fans feel like they need to “fix.” versus stucky, where there’s so much that needs to be fixed that you might as well just throw the whole canon out.

i don't really mean any of this as a criticism or an attack on fans of queerbait ships like this, im just pointing out fandom trends that i've noticed. i myself have been deeply invested in stucky, newmann, and the gay wizard boys at different points in my life. like there is something very fun abt putting on slash goggles and making queer content out of nothing. personally though, now that we're in an age where we're getting canon queer content, im not so engaged in a lot of the ships i used to care so much about, but i don't think it's inherently wrong** for people to still enjoy some classic fandom queerbait ships. it's just a very different thing from enjoying canonical queer ships like gentlebeard

*im using “queerbait ships” loosely to include popular gay ships in media that was never in a million years going to make these characters gay.

**a clarifying point: i don't think it's inherently wrong, however there are a lot of problematic elements to this kind of fandom activity, namely the way a lot of these queerbait ships will dominate a fandom while other characters who are important in canon get completely sidelined (and yes, the sidelined characters are often women/poc). also, less importantly, when people's primary media consumption revolves around strip mining canon for shipping content, this absolutely destroys their media literacy and critical thinking. again, im not saying this to attack ppl who engage in fandom primarily through fic/art of noncanonical gay ships, i myself have done the same thing. but i think ppl who do should also make a conscious effort to also engage with fan content that centers women/poc, or at the very least need to be aware of the issues around this kind of fandom activity.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ‘forcing’ my dad to drive me home while I had COVID, and then cutting contact?

Sorry if this isn’t allowed, but it’s been weighing on me for the past year and a half so I want to get an outside opinion because I’m still afraid it’s my fault. Basically, my (22F) parents are split; it was bad and they both hate each other, call the other abusive, etc. I live with my mom, but we used to alternate holidays, and my dad had Christmas 2021. I don't get on with him; we're very different, he's very judgemental, he doesn't like that I'm very close with Mom, and we've fallen out in the past (I still regret coming out to him). I didn't want to go, TBH, but I did because my siblings wanted me there.

Christmas went fine but I was running out of energy to deal with him afterwards and that's where it started. He'd agreed to take me and my youngest brother home (2.5 hr drive) on the 28th, and we made plans around that, but two days before he announced that he wouldn't unless Mom agreed to meet him halfway; that's normal, but since he'd already agreed to drive the whole way, she had gone away and was flying home that day. He refused to take us home until she was free. We had an argument over this, and I decided I'd just get the train if he didn't want to drive me.

That day, however, my stepsister got COVID, and we all tried to isolate from her, but me and my youngest brother tested positive on the 28th. I'll be honest, at that point, I think I was selfish. My plans were already cancelled, but I was at my wits' end with Dad and I couldn't handle another week of isolation with him. My room at his house was also just one end of the kitchen, which everyone else has to use, whereas at home I have my own bedroom with a bathroom right next door, so I could isolate much more easily and safely at home. Our rules at the time were if you were visiting somewhere, you were allowed to travel home to isolate so long as you didn't use public transport; Mom still wanted us home.

We got into a fight about this; Dad said I had to stay there. I snapped at him it wasn't my home, and he'd get COVID from me anyway there. He put his foot down and said he wasn't taking me, and I thought that was the end of it. Until two hours later, when he told me to get in the car, and said he'd drive me and my brother home; I genuinely think that he was expecting me to back down then, but I didn't.

Twice on the journey he berated me for being selfish; I told him I didn't force him. After he dropped me off, he sent me three text messages of the same, including saying I was as bad as my Mom and ordering me to tell her she was a bad person. I blocked his number, so he sent me an email warning me to "be careful who I ally myself with" and threatening me not to side with Mom. At that point, I cut all contact and blocked his email.

As far as I know, he never got COVID. He's emailed me a few times since (blocking him just sends them straight to my bin, I still see them); he's asked me to meet up with him a few times, and keeps getting my brother to ask when I’m going to talk to him again. I’ve never had an apology or even a real acknowledgment of what happened, except an “I know you’re still angry” at one point, and he still sends me presents and stuff even though I’ve told my brother I don’t want anything.

IDK, I still just feel really bad about the whole thing. So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[s10127470]

What If One Piece had an LA-based Dub? (Part 1)

So recently, I’ve been talking with some friends on Discord about One Piece, specifically about its’ English dubs.

And essentially, we feel like that One Piece hasn't really gotten the best treatment when it comes to English dubs.

Like, we already know the travesty that was 4Kids.

But this also applies to their long-standing and current dubbers, Funimation.

This is probably a controversial opinion, but I don't think they were the best choice to dub One Piece.

Like, yes, they are of much higher quality when compared to 4Kids.

But even then….

For starters, I feel like there's a lot of miscasting here. Even among the main cast.

Probably the most obvious being in the case of Christopher Sabat as Zoro.

He just makes him sound way too old. He's suppose to be a young man.

I can't be the only one who thinks that it sounds too much like Piccolo.

And finally, I feel like Funimation's dubbing is a bit too…..straightforward (if that makes sense).

After rewatching the 4Kids dub, I've grown a sense of appreciation for it.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still not that good.

But I feel like there’s some elements that they do better than Funimation.

In contrast to the Funimation dub, a lot of the performances have a little more life and energy to them.

Even if they're not all that good…..

One thing I really like is that many of the characters have accents, which just feels right given how the whole premise of the series is about traveling the world..

This is made even better when you get remember the Netflix adaptation, which gave a lot of characters accents, including the main ones!

Plus, 4Kids is just much better at handling the frequent comedic and silly moments.

Hell, why do you think this scene blew up in popularity?

Plus, they did a slightly better job at translating some scenes to English and not having them come off as a direct, one-to-one translation.

It's a little hard to explain, but essentially they keep what was said in the original Japanese version and kinda give their own flair to it.

But with this discussion, being the idea man that I am, it gave me the idea of an alternate timeline.

One where One Piece wasn’t picked up by 4Kids or Funimation.

But instead, it was picked up by Viz Media, who would commission an English dub out of the voice acting capital of the world: Los Angeles, California!

I feel like this alternate timeline would not only give us a much better dub than the other two, especially 4Kids.

But also do the franchise a LOT of favors....

If you know One Piece, you'd known that the series had a hard time catching up in popularity in the West.

It was 2000s. The decade was all about making everything cool, hip and edgy.

And anime was one of the prime contributors to this trend.

Plus during that time, a lot of anime fans had this stigma against Western animation, seeing it as nothing but kiddy shit.

These people are the one of the reasons why we have crap like this.....

And since One Piece is famous for having an incredibly cartoonish art-style and world, it did not do it any favors.

Made even worse with the 4Kids dub, which infamously kidified the anime to absolute HELL.

However, I feel this dub would counteract that.

The dub itself would premiere on June 2nd, 2003 on Cartoon Network as part of Toonami.

And although the would probably have some censorship, it would be NOWHERE near the level of 4Kids.

Plus, from what I've seen, anime that aired on Toonami was able to get away with a lot more explicit content due to it's clear aiming at older audiences.

For the East Blue Saga, the dub would air new episodes every week, Monday through Friday.

That's what we're gonna be covering for this part.

As we go through each arc, I'll be sharing my voice choices for the major characters in each of them.

So without further ado, let's set sail!

Romance Dawn (June 2nd-June 4th, 2003):

Starting off this showcase we have our main star the future king of the pirates himself, Monkey D. Luffy!

When thinking of a voice for Luffy, I wanted him to still be voiced by a female.

And one of the major female VAs, I've come to a tie on who would be good voice for Luffy.

And that tie is between Colleen O'Shaughnessy and Kari Wahlgren.

Between the two of them, I think their voices both perfectly fit the type of voice Luffy would have.

Pretty goofy and silly while still being able to do the more serious and emotional moments well.

And while you can still tell they're a woman, they're still able to convincingly sound like a boy.

I think the coolest thing about this choice would be that in the case of Kari, this would be one of her earliest voice acting roles, as she entered the realm of voicework in the prior year of 2002.

And about a year into her career, she would find herself becoming the official English voice of one of the most famous and revered protagonists in anime/manga history!

Next we come to Koby, who would be voiced by Pamela Adlon.

Oh yeah, let’s talk about that real quick.

In contrast to other anime dubs, this one would primarily feature voice actors typically found in Western animation.

I feel like this would make One Piece stand among the crowd, and it kinda fits since the main character himself does draw heavy influence from the Golden Age of Western Animation.

As for why I choose Pamela, especially since Koby pre-Marines was shown to have a whiny sounding voice, was because I was coming at this with the knowledge of his post-Marines look.

I’m not a fan of how the Funimation Dub gave him a new voice after we were reintroduced to him, whereas the original Japanese version kept his voice actress.

So I wanted to do the same thing they did.

I feel that Pamela was the best option.

She’s known for having a noticeably deeper and hoarse voice when compared to most female VAs.

Hence she’s famous for voicing a lot of male characters, particularly boys.

As for her performance as pre-Marine Koby, it would be pretty similar to her performance as Otto Osworth from Time Squad….which is funnily enough, a Cartoon Network show.

Now we come to Alvida, who would be voiced by Wendee Lee.

And yes, she would voice both forms of her.

Her original fat form, and current slim form.

Now we've come to the second member of the Straw Hats, Roronoa Zoro!

He would be (at least for now) voiced by Ben Diskin.

His performance would be sound like a slightly more serious version of, and I can't believe I'm actually referencing this guy, Ban from The Seven Deadly Sins.

One cool thing about Ben voicing Zoro would be that he would bring a lot of authenticity to the role, since he would've been around Zoro's age at the time of dub's release (20-21 years old).

Also, this would really funny to think about since around this time, Ben was voicing Numbuh 1 and 2 on Codename: Kids Next Door, another Cartoon Network show.

Rika would be voiced by Kath Soucie, essentially sounding like a slightly older Lil Deville from Rugrats.

Helmeppo would be voiced by Jeff Bennett, who would definitely sound like the recent gay shipping icon as of late, Bradley Uppercrust III.

Like, you can't tell me that his voice wouldn't fit Helmeppo like a glove.

And in just you don't believe me, here are some clips to prove my point.

Next we come to his father, Axe Hand Morgan, who would be voiced by Jim Cummings.

And for his role, Jim would definitely use his serious voice that he uses with characters such as Mister Moloch in Project G.e.e.K.e.R. and Hernán Cortés in The Road to El Dorado.

Now to come to Red-Haired Shanks, who would be voiced by Steve Blum doing a Cockney accent.

Yeah, he's basically gonna sound like a swashbuckling Spike Spiegel.

Which actually sounds pretty cool....

As for the rest of the main Red-Haired Pirates.

Benn Beckman would be voiced by Wally Wingert.

Lucky Roux would be voiced by Bill Fagerbakke.

And Yasopp would be voiced by James Arnold Taylor.

And finally, we have Higuma, who would be voiced by Rob Paulsen.

Orange Town (June 5th-June 10th, 2003):

First start off come to the third member of the Straw Hats, Nami.

Nami would be voiced by Kate Higgins.

Who weirdly enough, when it comes to LA voice fan-casting for One Piece, she's always the one to get picked for Nami.

And I can totally see why.

She would definitely fit the character.

Next we come to the big bad of the arc himself, Buggy the Clown.

Originally, I was gonna have Mark Hamill voice him.

But I figured that would've been too easy and too obvious.

So instead, I decided to choose Steve Blum as the voice of the character.

His performance would be pretty reminiscent to that of The Green Goblin in The Spectacular Spider-Man, but a little more silly sounding.

Even his laugh would be pretty similar to Gobby's.

Plus, Buggy's casting choice is pretty funny to think about since as I mentioned earlier, Steve would also be voicing Shanks.

Which would make Buggy's pure adulterated hatred for him even funnier.

As for his main crew members.

Mohji would be voiced by Liam O'Brien, essentially using the same voice he used for Zazz in Sonic Lost World.

Cabaji would be voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, using an Eastern European accent.

And Ritchie would have his vocals provided by Frank Walker.

As for the one notable characters of this arc.

Chouchou would have his vocals provided by Dee Bradley Baker.

And Boodle would be voiced by Tom Kane.

Who was also voicing Professor Utonium on The Powerpuff Girls around this time.

Syrup Village (June 11th-June 24th, 2003):

First we have the fourth member of the Straw Hats, Usopp.

Just like with Luffy, I have two VAs in mind that could voice the God himself.

James Arnold Taylor and Jason Marsden.

Both of them would strike that perfect balance of being able to sound silly while knowing when to take it seriously.

Also, if JAT was voicing Usopp, he would essentially sound like a younger version of his own dad.

Kaya would be voiced by Tara Strong.

The Usopp Pirates would be voiced by Grey Griffin (Ninjin), Colleen O'Shaughnessy (Pilman), and Nancy Cartwright (Tamanegi) respectively.

Jeff Bennett would also be voicing Merry.

Dee Bradley Baker would also be voicing the big bad of the arc, Kuro.

Jango would be voiced by Phil LaMarr, who would doing a what could be best described as a knock-off Michael Jackson impression.

Which, let's be real, would fit the character perfectly.

Phil would also be pulling double duty as Siam, with the other half of the Nyaban Brothers, Butchie, being voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.

And finally, we have Gaimon, who would be voiced by Charlie Adler.

Baratie (June 25th-July 10th, 2003):

Starting this off we have Kuina, who would be voiced by Grey Griffin.

Shimotsuki Koushirou would be voiced by Phil LaMarr, essentially using the same voice he uses for Samurai Jack.

Now we come to Johnny and Yosaku.

Johnny would be voiced by Nolan North, while Yosaku would be voiced by Mikey Kelley.

So essentially we have Raphael and Michaelangelo tagging along with the Straw Hats.

Finally, we've come to the fifth member of the Straw Hats (and the last one as of right now), Sanji.

Sanji would be voiced by Josh Keaton.

And just like with Ben as Zoro, Josh would bring a lot of authenticity to his performance (given that he would've been 23-24 at the time)

Also, we all know how Zoro and Sanji are rivals.

This would be funny to think about since this wouldn't be last time Ben and Josh would voice a duo of rivals.

Zeff would be voiced by Clancy Brown, essentially sounding like a slightly more serious Brooklyn version of Mr. Krabs.

We would also have John DiMaggio playing double duty as both Don Krieg and Fullbody.

Ghin would be voiced by Crispin Freeman.

Patty and Carne would be voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson and Tom Kenny respectively.

Pearl would be voiced by Jess Harnell.

And Hawk-Eye Mihawk would be voiced Lex Lang, doing a French accent.

Arlong Park (July 11th-July 31st, 2003):

Starting this off, we have Arlong himself, who would be voiced by Fred Tatasciore, which will be really funny to think about once we get to you-know-who.

As for the rest of main crew.

Kuroobi would be voiced by Doug Erholtz.

Hatchan would be voiced by Bill Fagerbakke.

And Chew would be voiced by Jeff Bennett

Nojiko would be voiced by Michelle Ruff.

Genzo would be voiced by Cam Clarke.

Bellemere would be voiced by Vanessa Marshall.

Which would be really weird to think about since she was on Cartoon Network's latest original series at the time, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, voicing this guy....

Well I'm pretty sure I just ruined Bellemere's death for most of you now since it's hard not her with the voice of Irwin now......

Anyway, Nezmui would be voiced by Tony Oliver, essentially sounding like an evil version of Lupin III.

Or how he was in the original manga....

And Moomo would have his vocals provided by Frank Welker.

Buggy's Adventure (August 1st-4th, 2003):

I don't really have anything to say for this one except that it will be part of the dub.

Roguetown (August 5th-12th, 2003):

Starting this off we have Smoker, who would be voiced by James Arnold Taylor, essentially sounding pretty similar to Walker from Danny Phantom, but without the Southern accent.

Next we have Tashigi, who would voiced by Karen Strassman.

Daddy the Father would be voiced by Jeff Bennett.

Five-Alarm Carmen would be voiced by Candi Milo.

And finally, we have Dragon, who would be voiced by Dave Wittenberg.

Well, that's all I have for now.

It's not the most detailed post I've made, but I thought it was fun to do.

Plus, I always like to showcase by knowledge of voice actors.

Which speaking of, I'm not sure how this post will do since I'm not sure how knowledgeable of voice actors any of the potential viewers are.

But hey, I'll just have to wait and find out.

Anyway, let me know what you think about this alternate timeline I created.

And for the two choices I had for Luffy and Usopp, who do you think would be the best choice for them?

And finally, I really hope @mysticalchildsuit actually likes this post since the last time I made a post about One Piece....they were.....

[cookiegirlsstuff]

The Hobi cheer up pt. 2

AN: This is part 2 of a series that will consist of 7 parts. I hope you like it!

Lee: Namjoon

Ler: J-hope

༉‧₊˚🖇🖤❀༉‧₊˚.

"Namjoon, please come here for a moment!" Jin's voice echoed through the bangtan dorm.

Namjoon didn't react. In fact, he hadn't even heard it. He sat in his room, where he had set up his own little studio, and worked.

"Is he working again?" Jungkook asked his hyungs.

"Yup," Taehyung replied, who was about to lose to Jimin in overwatch.

"But we're off this week, aren't we?" asked Jin, confused.

"You know Namjoon hyung. He's always working," Jimin intervened.

"Listen, I'm going upstairs now and then he won't be working anymore," said J-hope confidently and left the living room.

"Do you think Hobi hyung will make it?" asked Jungkook with interest.

"I bet against it. And if he does make it, I'll buy you 10 banana milks," said Suga.

In the meantime, J-hope had arrived at his destination and entered the leader's room without hesitation.

"Hey… why don't you knock!?" shouted Namjoon, who was scared to death.

"Why don't you take a break?" J-hope asked surprisingly calmly.

"Why should I?" asked Rm, slightly annoyed but also puzzled.

"Why you should? Are you serious? It's our time off and you're working here all day!" the older one remarked.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stop now so can you please leave?" Namjoon asked, annoyed.

"No," Hoseok replied without hesitation.

"Go away!" said the younger one much louder now. You could tell he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon…I really wanted to avoid this, but you leave me no other choice," J-hope muttered. That sent a shiver down the younger boy's spine, but he didn't give it a second thought.

Suddenly, J-hope came closer and closer until he was standing right in front of the chair Namjoon was sitting on.

"You need a Hobi cheer up," he said before poking Namjoon in the side.

He immediately flinched away and pressed himself against the other side of the chair as best he could.

But that didn't bother Hobi in the slightest and now he alternately poked Namjoon's left side and then his right.

Namjoon tried to suppress his giggles, but failed miserably. His only hope was to fall off the chair and run away, which he now tried to do. But he failed again when J-hope simply pinned him to the floor, hands up.

Inside, he cursed himself, because now his hyung only had more room to tickle him.

"How cute," J-hope teased him before starting to run a finger along his armpits.

"Hoba, pleahahase stahahap!" Namjoon laughed helplessly.

"I quote….why should I?" his hyung just laughed and began to tickle his armpits properly now.

"Whahahat hahahave I dahane to you?" asked Namjoon in desperation. This whole situation was so embarrassing for him and what's more, he was supposed to be working right now.

"You're asking that? You overworked yourself but you can't admit it, you shouted at me, you wanted me to go away and you wanted to escape my cheer up! And now you're asking what you did to me?"

With each of these sentences, J-hope's devilish hands, which were currently tickling Namjoon's ribs, became faster.

It was pure torture, but at the same time the leader was somehow happy to be able to relax for a moment without worrying about everything.

"I wonder where else you are ticklish." Hoseok runs his nails down to RM's belly button. He paused for a second to start tickling his belly button unexpectedly.

"NO ." Namjoon yelped and started laughing. But both of them knew taht the worst was still to come

"Ohhh is the little giggly one ticklish there? Tickle tickle." J-hope teases. Five more minutes into the belly button ticking and he decided to go for the leaders worst spot.

He let go of Namjoon's arms and took his feet in a firm grip instead.

"Hobi please! I'm happy now and I'm not going to work anymore," Namjoon begged, already suspecting what his hyung was up to.

"I'm sorry, but you need and you want this," Hoseok said as he slowly and tortuously removed Namjoon's socks.

Namjoon giggled nervously and just prayed that it would be over quickly and that he could forget that this whole embarrassing situation had never happened.

But he had probably been praying to the wrong gods, because before Hoseok could even begin, the door suddenly opened and the 95 line entered the room.

At first, everyone just stared at each other, puzzled, until Hobi called the two troublemakers over and asked them to help him.

And so the real torture began. Hoseok held Namjoon's right foot and gently stroked it with his finger. Normally, this wouldn't tickle too much, but since Jimin and Taehyung were wrecking his left foot, Namjoon's laughter was hysterical.

They didn't forgot a spot. First they poked his soles, then they scratched them just to poke again. They even scratched each of his toes individually.

"GUYS PLEAHAHSE", Namjoon laughed and squirmed.

After a few more minutes, J-hope finally had mercy and everyone let go of Namjoon.

Just as for JK he made sure that his friend was truly happy now before they returned to the living room.

And now Namjoon knew that he shouldn't mess with his hyung. By the way legends say that Jungkook deserves 10 banana milks now.

Hope you guys like it! Which member next? 💜

(I'm still improving my writing so of course it's not perfect)

[steamworkscogstone]

[Edit: Sep 29th 2024]

HEART THIS BEFORE YOU FOLLOW ME, PLEASE! It helps me to know who has and has not read this so I may direct their attention to it.

DNI: 18+ ONLY BLOG, No terfs and swerfs, no transmed truscum, no ageless blogs, Nothing Illegal, NO MINORS, Nobody who openly and actively hates, especially on the transgender community (which includes my non-binary siblings) DO NOT SELL ME SHIT, AND DO NOT SEND ME STUFF TO SIGNAL BOOST! I CANNOT HANDLE THAT STUFF MENTALLY, ANYMORE..

PLEASE READ MY PINS ON THIS POST, YA ADORABLE DEGENERATES. 😁

HEART THIS BEFORE FOLLOWING SO I KNOW WHO'S SAFE!! 😊 😊 😊

Ayyo, check these links before following and interacting, too!!:

So first up, I've put my goofy ass on the hellsite, and did a fun little selfie dump! (Maybe some tummy Tuesdays in the near future?)

Secound is an important thread of consciousness, please read with discretion and understand that I do not tag triggers (because I struggle with tagging as is. Anyway, so this is the bit ya wanna read before interacting with me)

Alright, so I have yet another link that is dealing with an answer to an anon, but it is extremely important as it gives better context to the post/s linked above: more Steamworks lore, yay..

(I apologize about the long winded text, but that's just how I do things. I'm a writer, at least in a texting format. 😅)

Warnings: I am a pro-shipper and anti-censorship, I love using the word queer and I identify as such, while also enjoying identifying the people I text with as such. I enjoy what I enjoy and I have heavy kinks. If any of these warnings are in your DNI or makes you uncomfortable, then please block me and do not report me.

I AM A HARRY POTTER MOVIE ENJOYER! I UNDERSTAND JK ROWLING IS A DEVILOUS PIECE OF SHIT AND EVEN THAT IS TOO KIND OF AN INSULT FOR HER! I WATCH THE MOVIES THRU 3RD PARTY MEANS, AND I REFUSE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING HARRY POTTER THAT IS NEW WHILE SHE IS ALIVE, AND WILL FIND ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO PLAY THE NEW GAMES BECAUSE THEY GENUINELY LOOK FUN. Please, please ask yourself why you decide to attack those, ESPECIALLY IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY, over something they grew up with and actively love as an adult? We are all just trying to get through this life, and all have our own things that help us escape; we are already so divided and splintered, and so you actively hating your trans brothers and sisters, and nonbinary siblings (who barely make up 1 million on the United States' population already) is simply hurting too many people.

Peace, love, acceptance, and alternative means of coming to a peaceful resolution is what I desire in this world. A world that is already so painfully divided, whether that be by a screen or you actively choosing to hate, is just such a burden on those who will be trying so hard to make a name for themselves. Yes, I just pulled a "think of the children" because, seriously stating that seems so obvious and yet, too many people are dismissive of it when they are literally the future.

Do NOT come after me for my existence, and if you see I am following you and decide against the things I enjoy and my personal beliefs and message, then just block me. PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME.. 😖

Eh, fuck it: I'm making my hearted posts public again, and if you don't like it then leave and I know we're not chill with each other. Love ya still, even for those who do leave, or are too afraid to follow because of them having mutuals they really click with, but would absolutely shun them for enjoying what I absolutely adore! I SEE YOU!

[RAMBLING INCOMING]

Okay, so this is going to be my pinned post, and it's going to be a heavy work in Progress. I've gotten some feedback from a couple people, and well, I'm not okay with how stiff and forced my original pin came out. I know I can write something better and will when I have the time.

Name: Prefer Coggy or Golem while first interacting; more personal names given the closer we become.

Age: Currently 23 at the time of this edit. (2024)

Gender: Femboy/Tomgirl transfem mess of an existing baby femby. The body has been thru a physical transition, although difficult and uneasy, since 2018. We actually just recently marked the 6th year of being on whoremones. Most of us do lean more towards femininity than masculinity however, the hosts gender is ever evolving as the months go on. We have been on this wild and zany rollercoaster of The Gender Journey™ since 2016 when the host started socially transitioning at 15, and even today there is still heavy developments.

We obviously have a list of limits on our kinks and fetishes, however we do not feel comfortable sharing things just yet, as there are a lot of people we enjoy following, but seem to wish to shun those with certain fetishes by blocking them.

DESIRES ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL, AS MOST OF THEM ARE THING WE ARE BORN WITH THAT CANNOT BE TRANSFORMED OR REMOVED FROM ONES IDENTITY (such as gender and sexual identity). AS WE FORM LATER ON, KINKS AND FETISHES BECOME NEW DESIRES, AND THUS SUCH THINGS ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL AS WELL.

Need to update the tags. (It's a safe call to go off of what I've tagged one of my more recent personal posts or reblogs with text.)

Yeah, more to add later!

(List of things to add: Mutuals list, tags, stuff)

[falloutboydescribed]

Boys shoot for big time (Pioneer Press, August 21, 2003)

Written by Matthew Pais, staff intern

[Image description: A newspaper clipping of this article as it appeared in Alternative Press #303's "The Oral History of 'Take This to Your Grave'". It is captioned "Full page write up in the Pioneer Press." End ID]

For the young members of Fall Out Boy, homecoming no longer means football games, dancing and formalwear. Instead, it means a day-long stop in their hometown and the rare opportunity to sleep in their own beds. 

Which is exactly what three out of the four band members were doing one recent afternoon. The Boys had arrived on the North Shore at 5 a.m. that morning after playing a show in Lincoln, Nebraska. At 1 p.m., singer Patrick Strump, 20, guitarist Joe Trohman, 18, and drummer Andy Hurley, 23, were still sound asleep. 

Bassist Pete Wentz, 24, has learned to survive on no sleep. 

With tattoos running down his arms and a logo-free blue cap twisted on his head to a 30-degree angle from his forehead, Wentz may not be the prototypical alumnus of Winnetka's North Shore Country Day School. But he just might be the busiest. 

Fall Out Boy performed approximately 200 shows in the past year, traveling across the country in a run-down van to play their energetic brand of emotive pop-punk. 

On the road 

"We have to drive with the heat on when it gets hot," Wentz said, during a conversation at an outdoor table of a Wilmette sandwich shop. "You've never had it worse than driving with the heat on in 120-degree weather through the desert." 

Touring has its downside. "The first four days, it's really good and fresh," Wentz said. "Then homesickness sets in." 

According to Wentz, the band is rarely short on subjects worth arguing about, from the cost of a tour bus to the prospect of the music industry ever seeing another Beatles or Elvis. He said that the disputes never last long. "Five minutes later, we're laughing about it," he said. "These guys are like brothers to me, so our arguments are like family arguments." 

Wentz, a Wilmette resident, is not the only member of the band with a North Shore connection. Stumph, a native of Glenview, graduated from Glenbrook South, and Trohman lives in Winnetka and is a New Trier alum. Hurley is from Milwaukee. 

Early ambition 

Wentz learned to play the guitar when he was 7, and picked up a bass guitar at 14. "I kinda always wanted to be in a band," he said. "It's like the best job in the world." 

"I had no idea he was as talented as he obviously is, but it doesn't surprise me that he would be inclined to express himself in that way," says North Shore Country Day School teacher Kevin Randolph, who had Pete (or "Peter," as he calls him), in his 11th grade U.S. history class. 

"Some kids are just there for the grades, Peter was there because he had questions he wanted answers to." And even as a teen, Wentz was no follower. 

"He didn't take his cue from what was popular in terms of what to wear or what to listen to," said Randolph. "He clearly did not look like a kid out of Abercrombie and Fitch, but we are a school that values diversity." 

Falling in

Fall Out Boy started when Wentz and Trohman, already good friends, began writing songs just for fun. After meeting Strump, the three musicians soon added Hurley, an old friend of Wentz, to complete the band. 

The band soon moved onto the fast track. "When it took off, we dropped everything," said Wentz, who left DePaul University in his junior year to concentrate on music. 

He found leaving school an easy decision. "Nobody really looks back on their life and thinks they should have taken less chances." he said. 

In the past year, Fall Out Boy has released its debut album, "Take This to Your Grave," on Fueled by Ramen records, and has appeared at the South by Southwest exhibition in Texas, a prestigious showcase where record companies watch up and coming talent in concert. Wentz said the white-collar crowd did not really get a taste of what Fall Out Boy is all about. "Our performance was way more low-key and didn't really represent who we are." 

When watching the video for Fall Out Boy's "Dead on Arrival," it's hard not to think of the footage from the Beatles final concert or the video for U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name." Though the music may be faster and fiercer, the rebellion is undeniable: the police shut down Fall Out Boy's concert after only four songs, Wentz said. "It was just one of the most insane experiences of my life," he explained. 

The video was filmed at Arlington Heights' Knights of Columbus, where the band had previously played a show for a packed crowd of fans who sang along to all of the songs. Wentz said that experience proved that Fall Out Boy was on its way to something special. "We were like, 'Whoa, this is bigger than us,' " Wentz said. 

He adds that though he gets nervous before performances, ""As soon as I step on the stage, I know exactly what I'm doing," he said. "Afterwards, sometimes I throw up." 

Wentz's modesty reveals itself in his reaction to fame. "Why would anybody want my autograph?" he wonders. 

Dark side 

He may be young, but Wentz's lyrics, which comprise 90% of the songs on "Take This to Your Grave," reflect bitterness toward love. Consider "Chicago is So Two Years Ago," on which he writes, "You want apologies girl, you might hold your breath until your breathing stops/The only things you'll get is this curse on your lips: I hope they taste of me forever/With every breath I wish your body will be broken again." 

Writing has always been a way for Wentz to deal with his emotions. "Lots of times I'd rather sit at home with a pen on a Friday night than go out," Wentz said. He said that he often writes with acid in the pen, as evidenced by "The Pros and Cons of Breathing," in which he writes, "My pen is the barrel of the gun/remind me which side you should be on/I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel." 

You would never know it from his quick smile and easy manner, but sadness seems to be Wentz's best inspiration. On the band's Web site, he describes his favorite pastimes as "Misery, horrible thoughts and writing." 

Music as therapy 

Wentz said that he is not alone in his use of music as therapy. "Everyone medicates themselves with music," he said. "It's really important for music to be involved in everyone's life." 

The bassist adds that everything he writes is drawn from real-life feelings. "We write honest lyrics and honest music," he said. "I feel like these are issues that everyone can relate to." 

The band's commitment to honesty is reflected in Wentz's musical likes and dislikes. He lists The Police, The Cure, Elvis Costello, Green Day, and a slew of New York hard-core punk bands as influences but says he has little respect for the pop-punk posers on MTV. "These TRL guys who act like they have their hearts on their sleeve really just have their egos on their sleeve," he said.

Wentz is grateful for what the band has accomplished thus far. "I think we're the luckiest band around," he said. "I hope I can look back on it and remember it as a really important part of my growing up."