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bunny-lily · 7 months

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Lift a Pen and Rewrite the Ending

Fluff for our broken fluffed-out hearts Dedicated to @bunny584 because ow. I promised fluff, so I’m delivering fluff

Pairing: Satoru x piano teacher!fem!reader

CW: just some fluff, man. We all need some happy, sappy moments in our lives with our beloved dumbass boy.

You taught piano. Plain, simple, easy. At least, you thought so, before meeting an enigmatic man as your newest student. He played a little too well for a beginner, and seemed a little too familiar.

AN: I chose to post this on my side acc since this one was technically made for the exact purpose of writing JJK fics (same with the Ao3 acc (milk_bunny/chimeric-dreams for that one)). So, cheers to the first fic on this blog!

This was honestly scribbled down in a single sitting between 1-5 am. Please don’t judge any mistakes too harshly, I wanted to post it ASAP and not subject it to my endless course of corrections and re-writing.

This is also very short (lmao 6.7k words) for how my work is normally. Again, I just wanted to get it out as fast as I could ;w;

smol update: this has been (minorly) edited! nothing big, I mostly just went in and fixed up a couple mistakes + summoned my dearly beloved thesaurus. Otherwise, it's basically 98% the same as before!

Music sheets laid scattered around you, annotated in messy scribbles in various colors, fonts, and sizes. A scratched out row of bars here, corrected or adjusted notes there, mindless rambles stuffed into the margins as you tried desperately to figure out which key to put your song into so that it matched the exact tone you were going for.

Not like you were some well renowned artist whose career rode on their sole ability to create magical orchestrations. No, you had barely any presence at all. The videos of your songs you posted on YouTube hardly scratched a couple hundred viewers at most, with the occasional comment from a bot or scammer getting your hopes up, only for them to go crashing back down.

You weren’t some notable figure in the music industry, you were just a white-collar worker that taught piano from your tiny home part-time.

It suited you, you supposed, as bitter as you could feel at times. You were just a normie, a casual passerby who liked having your fingers spring and jump across the keys of your instrument. It was one you inherited from your grandmother. She was the one that taught you how to play when you were little, while your parents were busy working and couldn’t sit and entertain you all day like she could.

She taught you some essentials, too, like how to tune the spinet – ‘It’ll save you big bucks, bunny,’ she insisted – and how to detect even the slightest issue it might have. She was correct about it saving you big bucks.

As shabby as the thing looked, with peeling white paint and floral designs chipping off the sides, the cover scraped to hell and back, and the brassy pedals having long lost their glossy sheen, it was in perfect shape.

In your expert opinion, anyway. You were biased, so what? You had every right to be.

Granny had left the world a while ago, her ashes situated on the short mantel of your tiny fireplace. You lit the candles every day, rested two softly smoking incense sticks on the shallow bowl to catch their cinders, and gave her a swift good-morning before you raced out your door, inevitably arriving at work with only minutes to spare.

In the evenings, you’d teach, then ramble to her about your day, wish her a loving goodnight, and go pass the fuck out. Rinse and repeat, except weekends, where you were teaching all day.

It was tiring, working two jobs like this, especially when some of the kids you taught were insufferable, but music was your passion. At the end of the day, you viewed it as worth every minute spent doing something you loved.

You liked to think she would have been proud of you.

A light tapping sound, a knuckle rapping against the wood of your open front door, caught your attention. It was a warm day, one that was too good to spend with the doors and windows closed. Natural light flooded in, casting the figure standing at the entrance in a brilliant glow that hid their features from you.

You glanced at the clock on the wall to your left, then leapt up from the floor in front of your coffee table, hurriedly and messily stuffing your music sheets into a folder. “Oh, shoot, sorry! I didn’t see the time, I’m so sorry about that. Are you the two o’clock?”

Today was a surprisingly free day for you. You only had one appointment, with a new student, if you remembered correctly. You must have gotten so ingrained in your rapid-fire notations that you lost track of time.

While you weren’t expecting an adult, since the email sounded like it was from a teenager, it wasn’t uncommon. You had students of all varying ages, anyways. It was a nice change, too; you found that adults tended to listen better than children.

A smooth laugh greeted your ears, the sound impossibly pleasant to your ears. “It’s fine,” the man said as he stepped into your home, breaking from the prison of light holding him. His stark-white hair caught you off guard first, followed by his height, and then the round shades resting low on the bridge of his nose. “That’s me.”

Eyes as blue as the most vivid summer sky peered straight through yours and into your soul, his hues almost appearing to shine in the tranquil environment of your living room, without the help of the overhead lamp you had turned off. His lips curled into a sparkling grin, giving him this sort of youthful luminance that had your heart skipping beats.

You swallowed and looked away before his gleaming smile blinded you, striding over to your upright eighty-eight, using it as an excuse to busy yourself and avoid eye contact with him before he made you stop breathing just by fluttering his lashes.

“Come on in,” you responded stiffly, clearing your throat to ease off the tenseness in your muscles. Why were you getting so worked up over him? Sure, he was pretty, but you’d barely spoken two sentences to him. How had he managed to get you in such a tizzy so easily, where your tongue felt tied and your pulse raced in your wrists? “How much do you know about piano?”

“Uhh,” he set down his briefcase against the wall beside your door, slipped off his shoes, and met you next to the instrument. “I know a bit.”

“Alright,” you nodded and patted the bench, then paused to think if it would be too low for him. What intensely long legs. “Do you need me to get a different stool?”

He shook his head, sliding into the seat like it was second nature to him. “Nope, this is just fine.”

“Great,” you smiled at him and tucked your skirt under your hands as you sat down on the other end. “Let’s get started, then! Are you familiar with the different notes?”

His hands took place over the ivories and he slowly pressed each one down as he labeled them. “C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C.”

“Excellent, that’s awesome! You’re already a few steps ahead of other beginners,” you nodded approvingly and retrieved the thin booklet you had laid on top of the upper panel. You opened it and sifted through a few of the jingle options, picking out something a bit more intermediate for him.

It was still simple, but definitely more advanced than nursery rhymes. You found teens and adults had a more enjoyable time learning when they didn’t feel like they were being patronized. Teens especially, fickle little creatures, those ones.

“Let’s start with this one, then,” you said as you set it against the music rack in front of him. “It’s pretty easy, I think you’ll pick it up quickly.”

The piece consisted of quarter-note half steps that ignored the sharp and flat keys for now. You had placed a piece of tape over the tempo indicator, finding that it put your students under too much pressure and made them stumble in their rush to follow the pacing they thought was right when they didn’t know what tempo was to begin with.

The man took a few seconds to study the sheet, then placed his fingers on the corresponding keys and began playing.

He was a bit slow, holding some notes too long and others not long enough, but you were correct in thinking he’d get the hang of it fast. After a few runs, he was playing it decently well, and confidently, too.

“Perfect! I knew you’d get it like that,” you snapped your fingers, then picked up the booklet again, flipping the pages in search of something a little more challenging. You probably wouldn’t find it in a kiddie book like this one, so you placed it down and got up, grabbing a more advanced one from the side table nearby. “What got you wanting to learn how to play?”

“Ah,” he scratched the back of his head. “My dad always wanted me to learn as a kid. I finally caved in, if only to make him stop yapping in my ear during family dinners. I’m just twenty years late to the party.”

You burst into giggles as you returned to your place on the bench, placing the new song you had chosen out for him where the previous one had been. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. You’d be surprised how many later bloomers there are.”

He chuckled along with you. “Well, that’s a relief. Had me fearing I was the only fully grown student you’d see in your life.”

“Far from it,” you shook your head. “I teach a grandfather that wants to play for his grandson at his graduation next year. It’s never too late to learn.”

When you looked up at him, you found him already peering at you with those intensely cerulean irises, his sunglasses folded neatly into the collar of his shirt. You twitched, startled by his stare. He had you locked in his gaze, captivated as he observed you and you observed him.

You noticed with wonder and fascination that his lashes were as milky white as the tresses on his head.

He really was beautiful. Those same lashes were long and soft, brushing his high cheeks whenever he blinked. His lips were plush and pink, seemingly always curled up into a permanent smile regardless of size. Life and boyish playfulness darted in those mesmerizing oases that refused to shake their hold on you, and you wouldn’t wish them to.

They were the breath of fresh air you never knew you were deprived of, the nectar of life that was water to your parched throat, the flickering mirage that came to life before your very being.

You felt drawn to him, inexplicably. There was something so… familiar about him, though you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. Like you’d seen him before, across the metro platform, or walking into the store you were just leaving, or someone walking the opposite direction as you on the crosswalk.

Where have I seen you before?

You blinked yourself out of the illusion, your lips parting, closing, then parting again before you finally managed to find your voice. “I-I’m sorry. I forgot your name, could…could you remind me?”

“Ah,” he shook his head, forgiving your forgetfulness. “Just call me Satoru.”

Just Satoru? Is that really okay?

It doesn’t sound like a name I’ve heard before.

“Alright,” you agreed regardless. “Satoru it is. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” you murmured your own name in return, dipping your head down in a mini bow. You returned your attention to the music sheet, lightly tapping the back of his hand with your pointer finger. “Let’s continue, shall we?”

You noted how much bigger his hands were compared to yours. It was hard not to see it, your index finger would likely barely reach the topmost joint of his if you pressed your palms together.

Your hands tingled at the thought. You quickly shoved it aside, focusing on being a good instructor.

Satoru continued to surprise and impress you as he mastered the tunes you chose for him after trying them out a few times. Each time he made a mistake, he listened attentively as you corrected it, laying your hands over his as you adjusted the positioning of his fingers.

“Your hands are so much bigger than mine,” you snickered. “I’m a bit jealous. It’s hard for me to reach those far keys sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah,” he grinned cockily, flashing you a sultry glance between chords. “They can reach a lot of things very easily.”

Heat rose to your cheeks and you stuttered, whipping your head away and acting as if he hadn’t completely flustered you.

Truthfully, the session was only supposed to last an hour and a half, but when you looked up at the clock, you were shocked to see you were nearing an hour longer than expected. It didn’t feel like much time had passed at all, maybe thirty minutes at maximum. Had it really been that long?

You pushed yourself up, stretching your legs as you felt pins and needles spark up in them. “Seems I got distracted twice today. I’ve kept you for an hour longer than I intended, I’m sorry,” you laughed meekly. “Don’t worry, I won’t charge extra for that, that’s on me.”

“It’s no worry,” Satoru reassured you as he got to his feet as well, delicately closing the fallboard with a careful hand. “Are you sure, though? I don’t mind paying for it, I did take up your time.”

He made something warm form in your chest.

“It’s fine, I love teaching. It’s not my main job, anyway, don’t stress,” you brushed away his concern. “You’re a prodigy, y’know,” you told him as you walked him to the still open door. “It’s no wonder your dad wanted you to learn how to play. I’m sure he’s proud.”

He let out a chuckle that sounded maybe a little forced. “Yeah, hope so,” he responded as he eased his shoes back on and bent down to grab his briefcase. “You’re a great teacher.”

“Thank you,” you brushed your hair behind your ear, blushing. “Ah– when would you want to see me again? I-If you do, I mean.”

The odd firmness he had a moment ago melted away, once more replaced by that handsome smirk of his. “Same time next week? Ah, hang on, why don’t I get your number, just in case? I have a bit of an unpredictable schedule.”

“Oh, sure, no problem,” you assented, taking his phone after he unlocked it and passed it to you. “You don’t like using email?”

He shook his head, watching you punch in your number into a new contact, add your name, then hand it back. “Nah, texting is easier for me. I’ll message you later tonight, yeah?”

“Alright,” you acquiesced.

“Oh, right, how much do I owe you?”

You blinked a few times before recalling that it was technically a paid session, though it didn’t feel like that to you. You murmured out the cost, and he gave you an odd look for a brief second. He pulled out his wallet, counted out a few bills, and folded them in half neatly before passing them off to you.

“Thanks for the lesson,” he grinned and waved goodbye, promising to text you later as he headed down your walkway, turned the corner, and vanished from sight.

You closed the door with a quiet poompf, staring blankly at your piano as you tried to remember how to function again. You glanced down at the bundle of money in your hand when you thought it felt a little too thick, brow furrowing as you unfolded it and counted and holy shit that’s way too fucking much–

You rushed out of your house, down the pathway to the sidewalk, and looked for him, though you knew it was futile. He was already gone.

You tried to think of how you were going to slip the excess money back into his pocket next time you saw him, but as soon as you were inside, you raced to the folder you left on your coffee table, practically ripping it apart as you pulled out all the papers, aggressively uncapped a pen, and got to writing at light speed.

That man, whoever he was, infected you with a painful shot of inspiration that you needed to get off your chest right then and there. Your hand flew across the pages, revising entire sections you had been stuck on for weeks in the blink of an eye. Messy verses were refined, the missing notes floated into place, and by the time the moon had risen high and the timid breeze had turned cold, you had finished your song.

You looked it over one last time, a disbelieving giggle escaping you. You finished it. You finished it. This damned piece had been giving you restless nights, a broken loop in your brain that kept skipping over the unwritten parts, but one session with Satoru had seemingly given you the one push you were missing all along.

Your phone buzzed.

You opened it and tapped on the messages icon to find a text from an unknown number.

Unknown, 9:17 PM Hey! Sorry for texting so late. It’s Satoru. Does next week still work for you, same time?

What divine timing on his end. Right as he entered your thoughts, he slid into your DMs.

Your fingers practically trembled with giddy excitement as you texted back instantly to confirm the time, uncaring of what kind of impression that was making on him. You were elated, feeling like you could exhale in peace at last. You gave a little victory cheer as you went about closing and locking all the windows and doors, pulling the curtains shut with so much energy, you questioned if you’d be able to sleep.

The answer was yes. After you had gotten all ready, having pampered yourself as a small reward for yourself, you fell onto your bed and passed out mere minutes later. For once, everything seemed to be going right.

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

“How’d you learn how to play?” He asked one day as he sipped at the tea you prepared for him. He was right about his schedule being hectic at times, but he somehow managed to fit himself into having lessons with you a few times a week, rather than just the standard one.

It surprised you, but pleasantly so. He was eager to learn and improve, and you were more than happy to teach him. He made for fantastic company, too, and you found you enjoyed spending time chatting lazily with him just as much as you did instructing him.

“My grandma taught me,” you told him with a smile. “She passed away a while ago, but I like to think I’m keeping her legacy alive like this, by teaching others, and keeping that old lil’ thing alive.”

Satoru nodded in understanding. “You’re amazing at playing,” he complimented sweetly. “She did a great job.”

“Thank you,” you answered bashfully, hiding your blush behind your own mug of tea.

“What was she like, if you don’t mind me asking?”

His smile felt like the sun kissing the apples of your cheeks on a perfect spring day. Him wanting to know more about you had your heartbeat picking up in speed, chirping a new, happy melody like a canary.

You deliberated before replying. “She was a very shrewd woman, stern in her teaching, but very gentle at the same time. She was the kind of granny that snuck me pieces of candy when my parents weren’t looking. She let me stay up late playing music whenever I was staying at her place. I probably bugged my parents to let me stay there every weekend, just so I could play it and learn from her.”

“So you got into music young?”

You bobbed your head. “I fell in love the first time I heard her playing when I was a toddler. I had woken up from a nap one day, somehow escaped my crib, and crawled to the living room to watch her play for…man, I don’t even know how long. I was just…hypnotized.”

“She sounds like she was a maestro,” he snickered airily, though you knew he meant it.

You grinned widely, resting your chin on the curved cup of your palm. “She really was. I can show you some videos of her playing sometime, if you’d like to see,” you offered.

“I’d love to.”

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

Satoru had been your student for a while now.

He zoomed through the intermediate pieces into the advanced-amateur category easily, though seemed to plateau around there. Despite this, he was a wonderful student, always trying to improve himself and his skill. You knew he had it in him, he was only missing a little something he needed to tip him to the next level.

At one point, you had joked that he must have been purposefully holding himself back just so he could keep studying under you.

He laughed, and said nothing more.

By now, he reached a point where he would come in with a pep in his step, claiming he had perfected a lullaby he wanted to play for you before you started the session. You’d find yourself (politely) seated on your couch nearby, and would watch with a fond expression you didn’t know was there as he treated your piano with a touch more tender than even your own.

And you’d listen. He’d choose some of the prettiest, albeit not complicated, arrangements to play for you, and you’d find yourself slipping into a state of blissful peace. All your thoughts would drift away, and you’d absorb yourself in the music he played.

A few sessions had been spent just like that, with him as your personal musician, and you couldn’t figure out why you felt so…happy.

You liked the emotion a lot, though, and found yourself looking forward to his every visit, anticipating the full body chills you’d get whenever he lulled you into that state of delighted serenity. You didn’t remember when you stopped charging him, and when you let him come in without knocking anymore.

You also didn’t remember when having tea after each session became tradition, but you were grateful for the joy he brought you with his presence alone.

In fact, you decided to get him a small gift as thanks. For what exactly? His company? Patience? Entertainment? Whatever it was didn’t matter. It wasn’t anything big, either. It was a record you stumbled across while visiting a thrift shop recently.

You picked it up for two reasons. First, he divulged he had a hobby of collecting old vinyls. Second, he mentioned he had been searching for that specific record for a few years with no luck, saying it was the last one he needed to complete his collection from that particular brand. The moment you spotted it, you grabbed it and practically bolted to the cashier, uncaring of the price.

There was no way you were leaving it there for someone else to nab it before he could. It was the most reasonable option.

Which was why you were extra giddy to see him again.

You opened the door in the middle of him reaching for the handle, stunning him for a second. That bewilderment was quickly wiped away by an excited grin that surely matched your own.

“If I knew you’d be this enthusiastic to see me, I would have worn something better,” he quipped.

You snorted and waved your hand, stepping back so he could come in. “Am I not allowed to be happy to see my favorite student? You look good no matter what you’re wearing, anyway.”

“Favorite, eh?” He teased as he closed the door behind him, leaning down to give you a quick hug. “Now I really feel like I should have worn something fancy.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not that big of a deal,” you giggled, leading him to the usual spot.

“I dunno,” he hummed, a sly expression crossing his face. “Pretty big deal to hear that from my favorite teacher,” You rolled your eyes, smacking his chest weakly, to which he laughed openly. “Ready to get started, teach?”

What a gorgeous sound his laughter was.

“Actually,” you said, “I got something for you. Wait here a moment, lemme go grab it.”

He raised a brow but didn’t raise any objections as he sat down and tugged his tie to loosen it a few inches, saying that he’d be right there.

You had to resist the urge to skip to your room to locate the record and retrieve it from the drawer you had safely stored it in. It was your sock drawer, actually. You wanted to keep it somewhere protected while it tarried for its new owner. You sang the melody of your newest single quietly as you picked it up, inspecting the album cover for any indication that it had been touched since you last put it in there.

Pristine. Obviously aged, but in flawless condition otherwise.

Sounds from your living room brought pause to your actions right as you closed the drawer after dumping all your socks back into it.

…Was that music?

Frowning, you picked up the record and crept towards the source of the noise. You recognized it instantly – it was the most notable piece written by the notorious Gojo Saichi. It was considered the most difficult composition created within the last century or so. You’d listened to it on repeat occasionally, attempted it dozens of times, though you always fell short before the second movement started, which came early on.

Was Satoru watching a video? No, the melody was too clear and full to sound like it was coming out of a phone speaker.

Then…

You froze in the entrance to the hallway, stuck in place as you watched Satoru play the oeuvre flawlessly. From where you were standing, at an angle, you could see his precise actions and motions. Every note came to him as naturally as air, each shift in tempo as easy as blinking, down to the fragile, silk-like contrast that made the instrument sound as if it was a weeping widow, sitting on a window sill as she descanted to the moon, alone.

His digits knew exactly where to go, when, how deeply to press, how to shift between fierce and floaty as if he was born to do exactly this.

As your eyes flickered from his hands to his face, you saw that his eyes were closed. He was doing what some musicians could only ever dream of achieving in their careers; he was uniting with the music, playing as one, letting it fill his heart, then pour out with every throb like the very blood in his veins.

The most complicated, difficult, astronomical concerto known to man in the modern age, and he was playing it like it was nothing.

Satoru must have sensed your burning gaping as his hues flickered open and his hands stilled over the claviature. He looked over towards you, his mien morphing into something resembling embarrassment.

You staggered closer. “That…that’s…that piece was…written by Gojo Saichi…” You mumbled, barely able to get the words out. You set down the record onto the coffee table, already having forgotten about it.

You were flabbergasted, rattled as you came to a stop at the side of the piano. He…how could he have played that so well? Wasn’t he barely in the advanced category? That was…that was professional, grade A, genius level music he played.

“Yeah,” he grinned, and you would have believed his show of being sheepish if the gleam in his eyes didn’t give him away. “He’s my dad.”

You sluggishly dropped onto your spot on the bench, peering at the keys but seeing nothing as you unpacked the bombardment of information you witnessed.

“That’s…the– that’s the hardest piece…even I can’t…”

“I know,” he rubbed his nape. “He basically forced me to stay up day and night playing it until I got it right.”

“But…how?” You tilted your head, peering up at him from the corner of your eye.

Satoru shrugged like he hadn’t just dropped a fucking bombshell on you. “I asked him to teach me when I was a teen,” You heard him say. “I’m sorry for deceiving you,” he apologized, not sounding very sorry at all.

“I…” You labored to find the right words. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly?” He asked. You nodded, and he let out a heavy sigh.

Instead of answering immediately, he stood up and pulled you to your feet as well, pulling you into the kitchen, where he filled your kettle with water and put it to heat up.

You desperately wanted to know what exactly was going on, but couldn’t find it in yourself to rush him. He went about methodically picking out both your mugs from your cupboard, tossing a bag of tea into both, grabbing the bowl of sugar on the counter, and setting it all down on the table while he waited for the kettle to whistle. He seemed lost in thought, while you had many and none at all at the same time.

You could only observe him as he picked his words carefully.

He finally began when the shrill noise of boiling water filled the room. “I don’t know if you remember – probably not, since you didn’t recognize me – but we actually did meet a while ago. I was a lot different back then,” he said as he poured the water into both mugs, afterwards placing it back on the stove and holding his hand sideways at roughly chest level. “Maybe this high, scrawny, kind of a douchebag,” he admitted with a chuckle.

You were still in shock over the whole situation. All you could do was silently urge him to continue by leaning closer, accepting the cup when he passed it to you. Heat spread through your fingertips, easing away the frosty feeling you didn’t notice set in.

“You were playing the piano in the music room at the school we went to together. It was…honestly, beautiful. I grew up with a famous pianist for a dad, but even he can’t make music sound as alluring and gentle as you can,” he continued, awkwardly holding his own mug. “So, when I saw you again a few months ago, I couldn’t believe it was you. I always wanted to ask you to play something for me when we were younger, but could never get the nerve to.”

As he spoke, the memories were beginning to filter in through the thick haze in your brain.

You were so focused on writing music and learning to be a great musician like your grandmother that you never really paid attention to your surroundings or the people around you if they weren’t your granny, parents, direct friends, or music teacher.

From what you did remember, Satoru was always a confident, cocky boy, shameless and loud. To hear he was…shy about asking you to play for him was hard to believe.

“So, I finally let my dad start teaching me,” he rambled on when you didn’t respond. “I’ve tried so many times to replicate the song you played, but I could never get it right. I know it’s probably a long shot, but you don’t happen to remember what song that was, do you?”

You thought back, scraping the dust off your highschool recollections. There was one piece you had hyperfocused on perfecting during the last year there, determined to play it exactly as your grandmother had.

You never did manage to master it.

You set down the tea you had only sipped at twice and walked past him into the living room, heading to your piano in a sort of trance. You slid onto the bench, and set your fingers on the keys. Muscle memory took over, the gentle tune coming to life in…how long had it been since you last played this?

You let the music flow through you, gave it access to your heart, allowed it to peer into the deepest parts of your soul, and simply followed the path it created.

“Was it this one?” You asked quietly.

When you looked up at him, his eyes were wide, lips parted as he stared at you with nothing less than amazement. “That– that’s the one. Which– what’s it called?”

“It’s a piece my grandma wrote for my parent’s wedding,” you answered. “She didn’t tell me what it’s called. I’m not sure if it has a name to begin with. She played it for me once, and I,” you huffed out a short, choked chuckle, “I became obsessed. I spent every day as a senior trying to get it right, to play it like she did, but…”

Your fingers slowed into a stop as you looked at them blankly, recalling your attempts, and the disappointment that followed each failure. You memorized it after playing it just twice, but it didn’t help you reach your goal in the end.

You startled when his hand rested lightly atop of yours, his body partially leaned over your shoulder so he could look you directly in the eye. This close, you felt his light breaths as they brushed your cheek. You could see the exact shade and hue of the teal composing his striking irises, match the exact pace of his heartbeat to a sonata, hear him swallow nervously.

“Keep playing,” he rasped, sounding almost desperate. “Please.”

You obliged. How could you say no to him when he looked at you like that? When he requested it so feebly in a trembling voice that was close to cracking? How could you say no when you saw and felt firsthand how his body relaxed when you filled the room with the lilting melody once again?

The music hopped and glided, playful in some parts, somber and tranquil in others. He stayed right where he was, the heat of his stomach resting against your upper back, thawing the tension in your shoulders as his hands held them gently, thumbs rubbing circles into your tight trapezius.

In every way, the ballad reminded you of your grandma, of your parents, of your childhood spent trying to reach a point where you were truly happy with how you played each note.

But, if that was the case…

How come you saw Satoru’s eyes when you closed yours and listened to your own hands dance across the keys?

Why did his smile, his laugh, his touch, his voice, his everything, come to mind when you picked apart every stanza and bar? If you put together all the notes a specific way and decoded them, you swore they’d spell his name.

Your hands drifted and halted as you reached the end of the lilt.

Or, rather, the end as you knew it.

There was a brief pause, then he mumbled, barely above a hum, “is that it?”

“Grandma never showed me how it ended,” you told him morosely. “She said she’d tell me ‘when the time is right’, but…she died before she could.”

He sat beside you and took your right hand into his. His fingers massaged meaningless shapes into the creases of your palm and the smooth plane of the dorsum. Neither of you dared break the silence, mulling in your own worlds.

Satoru was the one to cautiously cross the line of quiet, doing his best to not disturb it. He wrapped his left arm around your back, pulling you into his side while continuing to toy with your dainty digits.

“We’ll find it together,” he whispered.

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

Truth be told, you never imagined you’d find yourself in this kind of place before – especially not in this position.

Your hand hovered over your brow, shading your eyes from the brilliant sun as it shined low in the sky, kissing the horizon. Though it was setting, the approaching night was warm as ever. A pleasant breeze ruffled the fabric of your dress and caught the strands of your hair that managed to slip loose from the style your mother put them in.

Stars were already beginning to dot the expanse above, glittering and so, so crystalline when you were this far outside the city. You never thought you’d get to see them so clearly, enough to point out individual constellations, and even identify Jupiter and Venus.

You never had a reason to leave the bounds of the city before, so all this was a distant dream you might have had once when you were a teenager.

But here you were, outside a lovely villa, surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones, miles away from where light pollution would dare to touch. The buzzing, lively chatter of dozens of guests filled the air; the clinks of glasses, the clacks of forks and knives on plates, all of it was so animated. You felt like you were in a sort of daze, overwhelmed with happiness to the point that it almost didn’t feel real.

A pair of soft lips pressed against your temple, drawing your attention to radiant, minty-ocean hues.

Satoru gazed at you with nothing short of pure, raw, true adoration. Like every fiber in his body, each and every singular cell, was dedicated to loving you.

“I have one more present left for you,” he murmured against your lips, giving you a chaste kiss right after before he stood up and raised his glass. He tapped the back of his knife gently on the side, creating a chiming noise that settled the ongoing conversations with ease.

Once all the attention was on him, he set both objects down and began speaking.

“I know we’ve already said it a lot, but I wanted to thank you all again for coming here to celebrate this day with us,” he said, turning his gaze to you. “This is truly the happiest day of my life – so far,” he added cheekily, earning him a laugh from the crowd. “So, before all the festivities end tonight, I wanted to do one last thing, if you’d all be so kind as to grant me this moment.”

Of course they would. Satoru was just that type of person. Charisma poured off him in waterfalls, charming anyone he spoke to without effort – you included.

He pushed back his chair, moving to leave. Confused, you grasped his arm and called his name.

There was a glint of something in his eyes, something you couldn’t identify, not with the light tingle of wine sitting in the back of your mind and the overstimulation of the grand day.

“Just listen, baby,” he whispered to you, then he was weaving through the guests, snaking his way to the grand piano situated off to the side of where everyone was situated. “This is a little song I heard many, many years ago, and fell in love with from the first few notes. I’d like to dedicate it to my mother-in-law, father-in-law, their late mother, and I would like to especially dedicate it to my lovely wife.”

Your mother gasped, grabbing your arm as soon as Satoru began playing the familiar melody of the diapason you had been taught ages in the past. It was the one your grandmother played for you, just once. It was the one she played for your mother and father for their wedding. It was the one you played for Satoru, once unknowingly, and every time after that intentionally.

The one he was playing for you now.

Your mother teared up faster than you did, reaching for a clean napkin to dab her eyes with while she waved her free hand at her face, trying to stave off the tears so that they didn’t smear her mascara, though she wasn’t succeeding. Your father was gently shushing her, rubbing her shoulder while he looked between you and Satoru with pride, and you…

You recalled the first time you heard him play the composition his father had written, when you still believed he was just an advanced player. Back then, you felt entranced.

Now, you felt completely spellbound.

You lifted yourself, carefully making your way between the enchanted spectators. Some clutched and squeezed your hand as you passed, and a few others breathed out little congratulations to you, not risking breaking the delicate atmosphere.

By the time you made it to him, your vision was blurry, and he was playing the last line of bars.

The arrangement floated into the placid, halcyon evening, each individual note rising like a star to join the thousands that looked on with bated breath, protecting this little moment of clement apotheosis.

His hands swept across the final few steps, barely touching the keys at all. The concluding tone resounded, fragile and silk-like, followed by a second of calm silence before the crowd erupted with cheers, hoots, and deafening applause.

Satoru rose from the bench, encircling your waist with his arms and pulling you in for a deep kiss. It echoed in you, the sweetest lullaby, the happiest composition that could never be written down identically. It was one only the two of you could hear and feel, one only the two of you could dance, live, cry, laugh, breathe, and love to.

Of all the endings you ever tried to give that precious lullaby your grandmother had written so long ago, the one Satoru created was perfect.

Because you created it together.

─────•(-•ʚɞ•-)•─────

banner by cafekitsune ♥

#jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #fem reader #I'm going light on the tags fn #is this considered light lmao #fluff #jjk fluff

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mossmotif · 8 months

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grocery clerk suguru x youtuber reader... we r officially walking people (we r holding hands btw) @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat i hope u dont mind being tagged but i know u were excited about this!!

OK! so this is such a specific concept but it is so very special to me. i imagine suguru working as a clerk with one of those cute little aprons some stores sometimes have their employees wear. so he's got this little job but then later at home he likes messing around online.

yes guys, im making him a little streamer in this au i couldn't help myself. (what games he likes to play specifically i'm not too sure about yet, but i think he likes to stream a variety of things!) he's got a small audience but he's found that it's a cool way for him to decompress so he really enjoys it!

anyway back to the reader. you come into the store suguru works at pretty frequently, with an array of impressively well picked groceries almost every single time. he likes to play this little game when gets bored on shift where he guesses what people are cooking based on what they buy, and you're by far his favourite any time he plays it.

it's a little embarrassing to admit, but you're kind of the best part of his week. always so kind even on days he notices you're in a rush or stressed out, bidding him a good day after you're done bagging your items, a small smile on your lips the few times you raise your head to look at him.

suguru notices that you seem to favor him anytime he's at the registers, feeling an odd sort of pride whenever he spots you scanning the lines and choosing his every-time. call him delusional, but it sort of becomes hard to ignore when you choose him even when a register with a much shorter line is available.

for some reason he's found it strangely difficult to break the ice with you, finding it hard to secede from his practiced script in the short time the two of you share a space. the most deviation he's been able to muster in the past weeks has been asking you if you'd like to sign up for the store's rewards card.

subconsciously searching for something to point out casually takes him a few troubling days, but he finally conjures something in the spur of the moment. right as he's handing you back your cash, suguru notices the vibrant colour of your nails; they're different from last months.

"I like your nails," he mentions quickly, semi distracted by the upcoming customer already beginning to place their items on the belt.

You look up from your bagging and Suguru is able to literally catch the way your face brightens, fixated on the flash of your teeth and the crinkle of your eye. It's the first time he's seen your cheeks rise up so high, delightfully different from the subtle smiles you've granted him till now.

"Thank you," you reply, a laugh laced into your voice. And then you're gone again, throwing a sincere good bye over shoulder, bag hung over your arm, and stepping out the automatic doors.

the interaction is short, brief enough to have suguru thinking about it the rest of the day. latching onto it enough that he finally buys that nail polish remover he's been needing to wipe away the chipped mess on his own fingertips. and maybe he repaints them new with you in mind.

it goes on like this for a little while. you notice the new colour on suguru the next time you see him and compliment it. he does the same for yours, mentioning how close it is to one of his favourite shades. actively holding back from slyly commenting on how you've been subtly matching it to his preferences based on your short conversations. blue, green, black; anything he mentions makes a subtle cameo onto the design of your nails in the following weeks or so.

he never explicitly mentions you during his little streams, but suguru does have this thing where he'll mention craving a specific food that's related to what he'd seen you buy that specific afternoon to his chat. it's fun to mention it to his few viewers, sometimes they'll recommend him tutorials on how to make certain things or even share their own recipes. it often ends rather jokingly, with crazy inedible recipes no one would dare follow, but some times it can be rather wholesome.

one night, he gets off stream and actually decides to check a few of them out. aimlessly scrolling through both the serious and unserious suggestions.

he never would have imagined recognizing your nails, jewelry, and voice after typing in the title of a video and pressing on it.

turns out the reader makes content themselves! they've got this semi-popular cooking channel they've been growing for the past two years or something like that. i like to think it started off as something sort of accidental for you. like one of your close friends liking your cooking so much that they beg you to share it.

then you just kind of picked up the habit of making different types of videos by following a vague schedule. you found yourself really enjoying the process of making the food and sharing the way you did it with people. one of your favourite parts is reading the comments of your videos and seeing how people's food turned out for them, if they liked the taste or if they cooked it for someone else.

it's been a motivator to indulge in your groceries a little more. eventually you switch over to buying at the more expensive grocery store more often in order to purchase higher quality ingredients.

it helps that you meet geto there, the cute clerk who has a sweet voice.

you grow to enjoy him being part of your routine. a small part of you even believes him ringing you up adds a dash of luck to how your cooking will turn out that week.

the more you've frequented, the chattier he's gotten, gracing you more with that silken voice of his. it almost reminds you of a warm meal.

but this afternoon seems odd.

geto can't seem to stop staring at your hands today.

#i totally forgot about this so here it is!#finished it up right before the last class of today :)#AHH IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ARI #it's just a cute thing atm and it will probably stay that way i need more cute writing in my arsenal #moss writes #god I havent used that tag in a bit LMAO #they would both be faceless content creators btw idk if i made that clear enough #this is unedited btw sorry!#jjk x reader #suguru x reader #geto x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru x reader

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rea-can-yeet · 1 year

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Not me casually dropping part two after a long time of me being MIA. Sorry about that! Y'knowzzz life and all hahahaha! I edited my tumblr pinned post where I put my current status there so yeah if you wanna know what's going on with me you can check it out haha anyway here's chapter two of 'mutineer'! Does anyone still remember this?? Or even this blog??? Oh god what if y'all thought this blog was dead??? Or worse- sagau ain't a thing much now? Wait lemme double check after I post this-

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REMINDER: This is gender neutral for all readers. Sagau stands for Self Aware Genshin Alternative Universe, but this is leaning much towards the God/Creator AU where the characters are aware that they’re being controlled but not aware enough to know that they’re in a game. This story is set in God/Creator AU, imposter AU, and lastly villain AU. This contains religious and cult themes, graphic violence, and probably some suggestive scenes (not this chapter yet, but the series will show some) so viewer’s discretion is advised.

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🔻

♦️

𝕄𝕌𝕋𝕀ℕ𝔼𝔼ℝ

"Damn, Y/n. There you are."

A friend, who she met when they were little and still vibe with even when they first became aerospace engineer students, commented while leaning against the old chipped doorframe. Her eyes landed on s/c skin, the arms to be specific, sweating. Her friend was huffing while holding a wooden bat, hair covering e/c eyes from her view.

She looks around at the damage the h/c haired had caused. Broken glass bottles, wrecked armchairs, holes in the blackboard, mirror shards around the floor, some damaged computer screens, and keys from shattered keyboards near the left cracked wall.

If this classroom wasn't abandoned or owner-less, she would have to use her wealth to bail her angry friend from being punished.

She had to witness Y/n being reprimanded for something they didn't do.

Stealing.

Ridiculous, she thought. Just because you hate a student doesn't mean you get to blame them for stealing your stuff just cuz they happen to be the last one to get out of your classroom, stupid petty karen teacher. If her friend wanted something, she knew that her friend wouldn't try stealing. And besides, she was willing to buy whatever Y/n asked, but she knows that idiot wouldn't like to ask for a lot of money from her. Y/n is greedy, but she knows Y/n is not that greedy. And of course, not greedy enough to steal.

And if the Y/n did resort to stealing, Y/n would have never been caught. She would bet her whole wealth on that.

Not only that, her prototype project for Aerospace Design class was dropped on the floor, breaking it. The culprit? One of the rowdy jocks. The man didn't even apologize and proceeded to run to who knows where while being chased by his friends.

And as if two bad things were not enough, Y/n somehow left a very important item back home; lunch.

That must have been their breaking point. So she had to follow Y/n. It took some time to find them, but she somehow found a Primogem keychain and thought 'Ah yes Y/n must have been here', and was led by crashing and banging noises. That was how she found this abandoned school a few streets away from the main road leading to their university and into the woods.

She knew Y/n's side that they rarely show to some extent, knowing her friend's tendency to be a daredevil, but she didn't think that Y/n would actually go destructive if being angered without a proper cause. There's an inkling feeling, of course, just being proven correct was a whole different feeling.

Her friend got a bad record and is being under surveillance and suspicion, hard work was unjustifiably destroyed, and lunch was left at home.

One bad thing after the other.

"Sorry." Uttered her friend, not much making a move of some sort, not even a turn of a head, still catching their breath.

She only sighs and lets out a little chuckle. Y/n is a nice person, loyal, and dependable. She understands that people have their own bursts of anger sometimes. Though, her friend has a little destructive flavor to it.

"You okay?"

"...Yeah." Y/n takes a few more breaths, taking in a deep one, then exhale. "I calmed down a bit." They say as they stood properly and turned to the person leaning on the busted doorframe that Y/n may or may not have also hit a bit. Dropping the bat carelessly, glass clinking from the impact, Y/n dragged up an armchair that miraculously survived their wrath. They sat down and wiped the sweat from their brow, their friend pushing herself from the doorframe and proceeded to sit on the armchair's table.

"Here." She pulls out Y/n's favorite drink. "Got you your bag and some sandwiches too." She hands them and Y/n accepts them with gratitude. Y/n puts the bag beside the chair and opens their drink.

"So question, how'd you find this place?"

"I have an attraction towards signs that have 'do not enter' or 'danger, not safe' on them if you didn't noticed. Or places with rusty barbed wires in the middle of nowhere." They take a swig of their drink. A breath of relief and satisfaction escapes them after. "This place was abandoned because of a strong earthquake years ago. This place will be bulldozed into a new establishment soon. Until then, this has become one of my 'Escape Places'."

She had to ask about this list of places her friend tends to escape to when she gets the chance later today when they play genshin at her mansion.

"How'd you get in the barbed wire fences anyway?" Asked Y/n as they eat their sandwich, e/c eyes turning to her.

She just takes out her assortment of skeleton keys. "I'm not athletic like you who can jump or scale over wired fences. I went through the gate. The padlock was rusty so it took some time."

Y/n hums, impressed. Then the face of amazement turns to surprise when she just drops the key on Y/n's lap. "You can have it."

"Why???"

"I found a shop that sells these in any color you want. I want them pink so you can have these since I'll be buying new ones anyway."

"You gotta stop giving me free stuff, I'm being spoiled rotten." The friend just laughs, picks up the keys, and shoves them into Y/n's bag. "You also gotta stop shoving people stuff when they try to refuse."

"Hush my child, eat and replenish. You have to help me farm soon. Those Regisvines are a pain." She zips Y/n's bag shut and sat back. "So... What are you gonna do now?"

Silence came between the two, though it wasn't uncomfortable. Her eyes scanned the destruction caused by her friend. She knew Y/n was a kind person at heart, and they tried their best to be good. To mind their manners, to be respectful. But she knows Y/n gets these impulsive thoughts sometimes. But she knows Y/n is goodhearted. Y/n knows their limitations and where the line is drawn. A very good friend.

But she knew that if being pushed to a corner, left with no choice, being wronged unfairly... Y/n wouldn't just stand by. And if given an unholy amount of freedom or autonomy, in short, freeing Y/n from any restriction or any 'leash', who knows what Y/n might do.

Y/n's chewing could be heard after some seconds before gulping followed.

"Not to worry," there, she saw it, that smile, that fucking smile that only meant one thing.

Throughout the time they've been friends, practically became soulmates, she knew Y/n had a variety of smiles that indicate different things.

A smile that meant Y/n was not okay.

A smile that meant Y/n's up to something.

A smile that meant Y/n's on their last bit of sanity.

A smile that meant Y/n found something interesting.

A smile that meant Y/n is in trouble.

There were many smiles belonging to Y/n where she knew what they suggest.

And this one... This smile meant only one thing...

"I happen to catch a glimpse of that asshole's ID and locker number, I'll be putting that skeleton key to good use. And I got a receipt at the same time the crime happened. But I won't stop at just proving my innocence. I happen to know how to retrieve deleted CCTV footages."

A smile that meant Y/n had won.

Bennett walks around the edge of Dragonspine in hopes to find any treasure in his ‘adventure’. It may be uneventful, but his optimistic self continued on his path determined that today may be different.

Of course, he wishes to go on adventures with his creator guiding him again. Adventures with the divine one spreading their warmth upon him has always been the best feeling he has experienced, thrilling adventures brightly shining on his path. But he understands that someone as mighty as his god can also have weeks where they’re busy. In fact, he is already grateful to be one of the lucky people graced with their god’s blessings and guidance. Bennett never once thought that he’d be one of the blessed vessels in his lifetime. As if all his bad luck was meant for this very good one.

So while he waits for their holiness to come back, he embarks on another adventure on his own.

It was getting dark, but the moon was kind enough to illuminate his path to the camp he had set up. As he walks along the trees, he notices something swirling in his chest. The same warmth he feels when his creator was visiting Teyvat. His lips formed a huge happy grin as he jumps excitedly around. He awaits for the dreamlike subconsciousness to seep through.

He waits…

And waits…

He stopped to raise his palms, he was still in control.

That is strange. By now, he should have started running around or scaling high mountains, visiting foreign lands, or even doing simple commissions for others. He puts one hand to his chest, and he takes note that the divine aura felt strange, different even. As if the aura itself was thin and feeble, yet, it was not unnoticeable that’s for sure. As if the aura was swaying along the cold eternal winter wind from the near mountain, unlike the warmth that usually resides within him.

As if the aura feels less like an ‘aura’.

He can’t quite put a finger on it yet, but the change in the usual sensation of being guided by his god was concerning. He was just about to leave when he notices something from afar, much deeper into Dragonspine. He squints his eyes at what seems to look like a leg. Was there a person behind that bush? Worried for someone’s well-being to be threatened by the harsh weather of Dragonspine, he immediately runs to it.

But upon arriving to assist the person, his eyes widened at the sight before him. Laid behind the bush was a figure he frequently see around Mondstadt’s church, little statues of them on altars in households around the city. A face that he sees in paintings and on some Bibles. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, not trusting his eyes as they could be playing tricks on him.

There stood before your unconscious body was Benny, eyes wide with only one thought running in his mind.

Is he actually looking at the Creator right now?

He snaps from his frozen demeanor when he realizes that he was supposed to help you. He can’t leave you laying here in the freezing cold. But Bennett was hesitant, not sure how to approach you. He shakes his head from the nervousness, ready to help regardless of what identity you may have.

He kneels beside you, taking note of the rising and falling of the backpack on top of your chest. You were breathing, which was always a good thing to him while he places his hand on your shoulder to gently shake you awake.

He hears you groan, making him sigh a bit in relief that you were not completely out of it. He backs away on reflex as the person he is currently helping gently pushes the foreign and weird-looking backpack to the side. You inhaled deeply, making Bennett realize that the bag must have been making it hard for you to breathe due to its weight.

“H-Hey! Are you alright!?”

He can see your eyes still hazy and unfocused, but the air in his lungs was stuck to his throat by the sensation he was feeling from your waking presence.

It was undeniable to him now.

No wonder the aura felt less like an ‘aura’. Because it no longer felt like an aura, it felt more like …a presence.

He is kneeling beside his god. They’re there, with him, in the flesh.

His god blinks a few times, e/c eyes that he reads about shine under the moonlight. Glimmering eyes that seem to be glaring angrily towards the sky. Bennett stops his staring to avoid being rude and checked your body for any injuries.

“…That’s some rad Benny cosplay.”

You spoke, and Bennett never felt so stunned to hear the same voice that whispers around him to be murmuring coherently in front of him. And their first words were about… cosplay?

You sat up, with his help of course, and you looked closely at him. He sweats while casting his eyes away from you, unnerved to be narrowly stared at by his god. You looked around and Benny can tell that you were confused.

“Okay, what the… This is not my friend’s garden. And I swear it was summer. Why am I seeing snow?” You said as you looked at him, seemingly looking for an explanation. Of course, he is also as lost as you. But he did manage to find his voice and answered.

“Oh, um, we’re in Dragonspine…?”

And your immediate response was to laugh. “And you sound like him too!! Hahahaha! Oh man, and I’m in Dragonspine? Pff! Funny man.”

Benny only smiled while trying to make sense of your words.

“Man, not only does your voice sound similar to Bennett, your costume is so on point! Like- look at the detail! The shop you buy from is literally doing justice for Mihoyo’s drip marketing.” You looked around again, becoming more concerned. “No seriously, where are we? I don’t see my friend or her mansion or the tree house I fell from.”

You turned to the boy who held a nervous and unsure look on his face. “And what’s your name, exactly?”

“You just said it, your grace…”

“… You’re Bennett?” E/c eyes wide as saucers stared back at his green ones.

“Yes. I am. Your grace.”

You stayed seated, ignoring the cold as you stared into his eyes, looking for any traces of a lie. You trust your instincts in evaluating a person, your survival skills were honed by your parents after all. But it was still so surreal. You? in Genshin? No fucking way.

No fucking way.

You're in Genshin.

You see a flaming flower stamen nearby, and a sweet flower. The familiar sky. Dragonspine from afar, HD and all.

No fucking hell.

"... I'm actually in Teyvat."

You were well aware this isn't a dream. Despite your ability to discern reality and dreams, you tried pinching just in case. Yup, you were in your game alright. And surprisingly... you're not actually losing your shit.

Surprised? Sure.

But you can blame it on your survival reflex behavior to be whelmed in an unbelievable situation. You could release your burst of excitement later, right now there was an important matter at hand.

It'd be nice to chill in Teyvat if only you knew how to get out. Yeah, you weren't just gonna decide to stay forever. Teyvat may be cool, filled with characters you simped for and adventure and magic you could only dream of!

But you have a life.

It may not be perfect, it had downs and failures, but you couldn't just abandon that.

You wanted to become an aerospace engineer! Be close to the stars! Further the studies of astronomy! Help humanity reach the furthest parts of the universe, however small your contribution is!

Animes! Shows! Fics! Games! There were so many on your lists that you haven't checked yet and some are still unfinished and waiting for updates!

And also there were some people you want to get back at too. There's no way you're going to hell without settling some scores. You promised that when you're successful enough, there wouldn't be any reasons for you to stay as a goody-two-shoes anymore. And you would have to show those who wronged you who's boss, directly or indirectly, depending on that person and how they slighted you.

So you can't stay. You want to go home.

"Um..." Let out Benny as you turned to him. He was unsure. Not the unsure of someone so strange suddenly showing up, no, you were not that dumb or oblivious. It was much more. As if he wasn't sure what to tell you, movements showing that he knows what to say but is unsure when is appropriate.

He knows something you don't.

He called you something earlier. Your Grace. Were you some kind of high-status person? Is this a reincarnation scenario? Where you wake up one day as royalty who turns out to be the villainess in a novel for someone's amusement while stuck in class?

Nope, you checked yourself, and still in the same state as you were before you and your friend were falling to the ground. Dang, you hope your friend was okay, it looks like you were the only one who got sent here, which was good in a way. You like your friend's company, but dragging her to a place where she could get plummetted by a wild boar? Yeah, your friend would not survive long enough.

So what's with the title? You seem to have some sort of identity already in Teyvat despite being here for the first time, at least with the memories that have served you so far.

Maybe you could ask right now. But you want to butter him up first, get him comfortable. Of course, you know what kind of person Benny is. But with the off chance that Benny would be different than what Hoyoverse has displayed, you want to play it safe. At least, complete the evaluation to be sure that Bennett is the same Bennett that you knew in the game.

"Hey... I'm also at a loss here. I don't know how I got here. But I do want to find a way back somehow. Do you think you know where I could get help?" You asked, smiling nicely.

"I-I-I-!" You notice that he looks so surprised, there was a linger of disappointment too. Interesting, he wants you to stay a bit longer?

"I w..." There was a pause, you noted, "I could show you to Acting Grandmaster Jean. She should know how to help you!" You smiled happily, showing him you were grateful for the help. He slightly gets flustered and says that he has something to warm you up in his bag as an excuse to hide his face.

As soon as he distracts himself finding the item that might have probably been dropped somewhere with his luck, seeing as he's frantically still looking for it, your smile dropped, and stared at him.

He seems to know you to some degree, but he did not explain further, only saying that you should meet Jean for help. He should have explained something, seeing that he held no suspicion on you when you knew his name, and with the title he used for you, there was something. You heard his hesitation before he suggested Jean. He looked like he wanted to say something else. Of course, you could tell that he doesn't have any ulterior motives, but more so that he chose a different action instead.

Is it out of caution? Was he trying to be careful?

You have no choice but to gauge that out of him later when you get him comfortable enough.

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End of chapter 2: Rhododendron

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#Yall I wonder if you guys ever thought about flower language lmao #genshin cult au #sagau villain au #sagau cult au #imposter sagau #SAGAU impostor AU #sagau #genshin

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popcultureoverdosed · 13 days

Text

Blood Blockade Battlefront is New York at its Finest

NYC often gets a bad rep. Most people either see it as a smelly hellhole filled with crime and crappy attitudes or a breeding ground for hipsters and vapid socialites. People only see what they want to see without looking at the whole picture. This makes Leonardo's all-seeing eyes of God all the more important. Instead of lumping NYC into a box, he sees it for what it truly is; a chaotic blend of volatile elements.

The storytelling of Blood Blockade Battlefront is pure chaos from beginning to end. Leonardo is thrown into a world of highly deadly scenarios with very little breathing room in between. Each episode focuses on a moment in the character's life. One episode will focus on Leonardo befriending an amnesiac monster who loves burgers and another will feature a brigade of Charlie's angels-esque spies who happen to be invisible werewolves. It's the type of show that always keeps you on your toes because you never know what to expect. Some have criticized the show for its lack of an overarching plot and treat it as if that's inherently bad. Blood Bloockade isn't the type of show that needs a complex narrative. Its biggest appeal is simply seeing its eccentric cast interact with each other. Its episodic nature made watching it a breeze since viewers are never overwhelmed with too much information.

Worldbuilding is done at a casual pace where background lore is only given when it's relevant to what's currently happening. Since most characters are already well familiar with the lore, they usually cut the small talk and get straight to the action. In this way, the narrative mirrors New Yorker's aversion to beating around the bush. Show don't tell at its finest. We need more shows that just get to the point. Rie Matsumoto, director of season 1, feels a bit different about the story than I do, though. She inserted two original characters, Black and White, a pair of siblings who share a character arc that Intersects with Leo's. Under normal circumstances, this would have been an incredibly bad move. Filler in anime tends to feel pointless and just detracts from the story. Luckily, Rie Matsumoto made sure that the filler didn't feel like filler. It was fun watching the mystery surrounding the sibling duo unravel with each episode. It eventually culminated in a finale that was nearly an hour long. Matsumoto took a huge risk with her bold decision, but she definitely stuck the landing.

The production values of the show are also top-notch. Pretty much every episode is a reminder of why studio Bones is such a beloved company. They seriously put their key animators to work in both seasons. The fluidity of the fight scenes always left me impressed. Character designer Toshihiro Kawamoto did a great job at bringing Yasuhiro Nightow's art to animation with his iconic style. I love how even when Toshihiro is adapting someone else's character design, his style still shines through.

Special mention needs to be given to composer Taisei Iwasaki because he really killed it with this soundtrack. It's an eclectic blend of jazz, RNB, hip-hop, rock and more genres that perfectly captures the vibe of a busy New York City. Each track is a different flavor of the city and made me feel at home. The soundtrack truly embodies the chaotic feel of the show and captures its occasional serene moments perfectly.The true musical highlights are the openings and endings. BBB is one of those shows where you feel compelled to watch the full episode because the opening and ending are too good to skip. They're all incredibly upbeat songs that make you wanna stop everything and dance. Sugar song and bitter step is one of my favorite anime endings because of it's colorful animation and cheerful aura.

Blood Blockade Battlefront is the type of show that can really resonate with native New Yorkers. We see all the highs and lows of the city almost every day and you have to be just a little bit crazy to appreciate NYC for what it is.

#blood blockade battlefront #kekkai sensen #anime #review #anime review #blog #nyc #new york #manhattan #analysis #black blogger #black writblr #studio bones #yasuhiro nightow

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mashedcontroller · 1 year

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I'm feeling spicy, time to list everything I think BH outclassed 03 on. And by that, prepare yourself for the most backhanded, hyper specific or wildly vague, and strings-attached compliments you've heard in your fucking life. But actually, the reason I'm doing this is because I think 03 is better than BH in every way that matters. The majority of common points people give BH over 03 typically come down to attempts to make subjective taste sound objective since a lot of shit is really just a difference in priorities and/or genre rather than an objective flaw in the other show.

And, to be clear, 03 is the better show. It has a really strong thematic core and just says a lot of shit that I rarely see other stuff have the gall to say. 03 tackles heavy topics and tackles them well. It left me with a lot to think about, even years after my first viewing. It's a political piece of art that remains relevant 20 years after the fact. On some levels, it was designed to do this. 03 is a character drama that deconstructs a lot of the elements that make up the shonen genre, and it also very clearly had something to say. 03 has very few weak points and has some of the strongest moments I've seen from any piece of media that I've interacted with. I think a lot of its bad reputation comes from people failing to engage with the show on its own terms. I can only speculate on what's going through other people's heads, but expecting it to act as supplementary material for BH is a fundamentally wrong assumption to make about the show. These two shows are trying to accomplish very different things, so judging 03 on its ability to be BH is a boldfaced stupid lens to view the show through.

BH, however, is still a well-made show. Like, I'm more than happy to shit on it, but BH is by no means a bad anime. It's just not as ambitious as people claim it to be. And if it really is one of the best things Shonun has to offer, then that says pretty mediocre things about the genre imo. It's far from a bad show. I think it accomplishes the role of "fun action series" really well, but it also has gaping flaws the moment you decide to engage with the work critically. That's not necessarily an issue that I'll take with its fanbase. The show's got a lot of elements that make it good for cultivating one. Stuff like large casts, likeable characters, emphasizing its worldbuilding, prioritizing action over character work, etc. are all traits that are great for cultivating fandom, and they're all traits that BH has that 03 revokes. But yeah, BH does fall apart once you look at it critically. My biggest issues with it come down to the fact that the show baits you into thinking that it's deeper than it actually is. So, I'll take the bait and look for the deeper stuff and then find nothing, which is where my negative perception of the show comes from, which isn't helped by how common it is for people to take the bait without really looking.

So, yeah, in short, I have a mountain of good things to say about 03. It's an incredible piece of art with so much shit to look into. In my opinion, you're doing the show a disservice to watch it and not put serious analytical thought into what you're consuming. Meanwhile I have a lot of mixed opinions about BH. It's a great show to watch, it's just a terrible show to consume critically. This isn't even me calling people who prefer BH dumb or anything. The show's are just so fundamentally different from one-another that your preference truly does just come down to a mix of personal tastes and how you prefer to interact with media, especially if you're a more casual viewer of either/both shows. The part that makes me angry is how disrespected 03 is in the majority of FMA circles.

The animation and sound design of Roy's snap is really fucking good in BH.

While 03 may have an overall better art direction and visuals than BH, I do really like how juicy the BH animators and sound designers made Roy's fire attack. The fire itself is just so fucking juicy and satisfying. The BH team did a really good job at making that attack iconic. There's no "but actually" here. The BH team just fucking nailed this one aspect.

In general, BH has better special effects than 03. This is absolutely a difference in available technology at the time each show was animated. And while I do have respect for special effects animation; it's often the difference between animations looking really stiff vs getting across their intended atmospheres, especially in the realm of video games. Using a human body as an analogy, the special effects are more like the hair than the skin, fat, muscle, nerves, or bones. Both important but somewhat expendable.

BH's alchemy is much more logically consistent than 03's.

So, there are a lot of reasons for this difference. The two main ones are the BH and 03 can barely if even be considered the same genre of anime. BH is a fun fights-heavy action series with some intrigue plot, while 03 is a really critical deconstruction the genre BH embraces that's more of a character drama with a heavily knit thematic core than anything else.

And their commitments to their genres translate to each show's relationship with alchemy. In 03, Alchemy's rules are much more metaphoric than literal. Equivalent Exchange is the shit because it's representative of the philosophy that Edward clings to; that life is fundamentally fair, that there is some universal justification for everything that happens. And 03 is about tearing that belief into itty bitty pieces. In fact, we learn that Equivalent Exchange isn't even true. Everything about Alchemy in 03 is bound by the magic's metaphorical meaning. Thus, when it comes to fights, characters really just need to be able to loosely justify how their alchemy functions for the audience to go "oh ok." And, in 03, alchemy is fundamentally powered by taking the life force of something and using that energy to do something else. So, you get stuff like the ability to extract alchemical energy from plants in order to amplify your alchemy much later, Edward being able to turn his automail into a gun, Dante's alchemic dragon thing, Scar's arm being the Philosopher's Stone, etc. The point is that you're sort of meant to accept that "yeah thats a thing that can happen." In other words, the fights exist purely for spectacle and the logic behind them is low priority at best. So, the way 03 frames it's combat is that it has to establish rules that exist within their own space and work with those rules. So, it can't circumvent stuff like "Roy can't use his gloves if they're wet" because there's no reason to and giving a talk about how H2O has Oxygen in it would have been horribly distracting in the one scene where Roy does get fucking soaked. Especially since him being crafty in a fight is sold by him just using Havoc's matches + Armstrongs rocks to make frag bombs. Tldr, the way 03 is structured allows if not flat out encourages characters to bullshit during fights. I think the fast and loose usage of alchemy's principles in the earlier parts of the show also make the later parts of the show, where those principals turn out to be false, feel more believable.

Meanwhile, BH's alchemy is operating on a much more literal framework, so the writing has more room and necessity for creative and engaging combat sequences. In a way, the fights in BH are puzzles and alchemy is the tools the characters are given to solve those puzzles, so the fights become engaging because you want to see how the characters solve the puzzles. It's very gamey. That said, I do have to say that I dislike how the homunculi are fit into this system. Their lose condition is having their stones exhausted, which just translates into "they have more HP." Which is very bullshit. The homunculi in BH die when the story tells them to, at least, that's how their lose condition makes it feel.

Both shows heavily rely on the usage of gimmicks to make their fights interesting. For example, Roy uses exclusively fire, which he creates by snapping. Like, I really like how Roy's combat gimmick gets explored in this fight specifically.

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I like how Ed ducks into a crowd in an attempt to dissuade him, and Roy's like "you think I care about collateral damage lmao." I like how Ed thinks he won the fight by slicing Roy's glove, but then Roy just ruins his day by revealing that he has two hands and therefore another glove. I really like how Roy's not taking this very seriously and Ed only wins because of Roy getting a flashback. This fight is just an excellent display of character for both of them and I love it.

Anyways, there are a lot of other character gimmicks. Honestly, 03 is so much better with its character gimmicks during fights than BH is. Like, I could list a ton of cool moments where the character gimmicks get played with. And part of how it does this is that every character plays by their own rules. No character will ever break their own rules, but the universal rules governing what is and isn't acceptable for a fight isn't very consistent. This does fit into 03s themes about how there is no universal truth. But yeah, that's how 03 structures its fights and why characters will sometimes just blatantly ignore the laws of alchemy.

Anyways, in BH, the rules are much less person-by-person and are more like "Alchemists can do XYZ," "Homunculi can do ABC," "Alkahestrists can do UWV," "Chimeras can do RST," etc. So, everyone has similar rules that they have to play by. Which also makes it so much more jarring when someone blatantly breaks those rules. Like, when Edward gets impaled and uses alchemy to not die, it's super jarring because that breaks the laws of human frailty and it doesn't really make sense. It's even worse when Edward fucks with Pride's Stone. Compare that to some of the blatant bullshitting in 03, like where Edward uses concrete to turn his broken automail into a gun. He shouldn't be able to decide when the shots are fired and where's the ammo coming from? But part of the reason it isn't jarring is because him turning his automail into a gun isn't a big deal or even particularly important to the scene he does that in. Or take bullshitting that is more relevant, like Alphonse performing a successful human transmutation. At this point, it's been clearly established that Alchemy's laws aren't true. So, Alphonse breaking them doesn't break audience suspense. Instead, the fundamental logic behind it actually working is tied to the story's central themes.

But yeah, BH's alchemy is a bit more logically consistent than 03's, but there's a very good reason for 03's alchemy to have some logical inconsistencies, which results in BH being much worse at breaking its own rules than 03 is.

A lot of the characters are just easier to get behind and digest in BH.

The entire point of 03 is that these characters are nazis and morally grey as fuck. Meanwhile, the characters in BH are primarily meant to be fun characters that you could comfortably fantasize about being or being friends with. The characters in BH are much simpler than in 03 and the show tends to gloss over their war crimes. Even when it addresses them, there's a billion asterisks and variations of "they're still the good guys." Compared to 03, where everyone is just messy and fucked up.

For example, BH Roy is easier to root for than 03 Roy, but that's because BH Roy is a fundamentally different type of character than 03 Roy. BH Roy is firmly a protagonist while with 03 Roy, he's much more antagonistic and complex. He doesn't solidly fit into the categorization of protagonist or antagonist because he's a bit of both.

And to be clear, I'm not calling the characters in BH simplistic in a derogatory way. A major benefit to simplicity is that you know who to root for and don't have to do a ton of heavy thinking to enjoy the story. That said, I don't think this style of character is necessarily appropriate for a story where the majority of the protagonists committed racial genocide and serve in the military for a fascist dictatorship. BH's characterization would've been a lot better if the story wasn't also trying to cover ridiculously heavy topics.

I've been using Roy as my go-to example since he's the only character to be one of my favorites in both shows, but I think the character who benefits the most from this point is Izumi. In BH, she's iconic. She's a slapstick oriented character who's just a joy to have on screen. In 03, her character writing gives me a lot of mixed messages. She's still very slap stick, but it's just weird in 03 since a lot of similar stuff gets unpacked, but Izumi being outright physically abusive to the Elrics at times just isn't. She's also much softer in 03; most characters are. And I'm mostly just left confused on how to feel about her. She has some great scenes, especially with Wrath, but the character feels a bit disjointed. In BH, she really benefits from being a nonparticipant in Ishval. The writing doesn't have to worry about her being sympathetic in spite of her committing genocide, so she gets to be divorced from the massive fuck up that was that section of the story.

BH has a larger cast than 03. Also, a lot of BH exclusive characters are more likeable than the 03 exclusive characters.

There's a lot of things to unpack here.

So, first thing that's kinda an obvious point is that BH prioritizes making its characters easily likeable to the detriment of its larger themes, 03 makes its characters likeable in service of those themes. So, it's a lot easier to get behind BH Mustang than 03 Mustang because Mustang's warcrimes just aren't that important in BH while they're the most important part of the character in 03. A lot of a character's likeability in BH hinges on the audience's ability to simply ignore the Ishval subplot, which was already a poorly handled subplot. While in 03, their likeability is intentionally contrasted with their war crimes to make a point. That's the primary reason why the characters in BH are more likeable than in 03.

And this also extends to the casts that are either version exclusive or unrecognizable between the two. Kimbly is a perfect example. In BH, he's designed primarily as a fun and bombastic antagonist who blows shit up because it's fun. They also made him extremely fashionable. Meanwhile, in 03 he's genuinely fucked up and views the lives of people as little more than tools to use to further his own goals, which is made interesting by Kimbly not being a top dog (like most villains running with that mindset are). He's at the bottom of the food chain and yet he still thrives under that mindset. BH Kimbly is the more fun character, but that's because BH Kimbly and 03 Kimbly are fundamentally different types of antagonist.

A lot of this comes down to tone. 03 is a much more somber show than BH. Unlike BH, it takes the premise of "child soldier works for a fascist government that partook in genocide a few years back because he wants to fix a mistake that made him and his brother permanently disabled" as a sign that the story is meant to be dark and a little fucked up. Meanwhile, BH tends to gloss over the fucked up shit in favor of selling the power-fantasy aspect of the story. This just results in BH's characters being a lot more fun. The surface level shit is the only thing that really matters to them when looking at BH since the deeper shit is simply shit and not really worth calling attention to.

The cast sizes also exist to further both show's individual goals. BH being about action and badass people being badass benefits from a larger cast because you get to see more flavors of badassery. It lets fights cycle between different styles of combat, which helps keep things interesting. 03 is a character drama. This benefits from having a smaller cast because it allows the show to spend more time unpacking a handful of characters.

There are a lot more badass female characters in BH compared to 03

I'll give BH a "you did the bare minimum" award for being an action show with female characters who are not just eye candy. That doesn't make the show revolutionary. It just says bad things about the genre that this isn't considered the bare minimum. But yeah, in both shows, most of the female characters are subordinate to their male peers. Hawkeye is defined as Roy's henchman. Winry is defined as Ed's love interest/childhood friend, Izumi is defined as Ed's mentor. In some aspects, this is fine. Like, the main characters are Edward and Alphonse, they don't need to draw attention away from them in favor of their own bullshit. But how badass a character is doesn't exactly translate into whether they're feminist.

Like, again, the reason you see more badass female characters in BH than 03 is the same reason you see more badass characters in BH than 03; BH is an action show, 03 is a character drama with some amount of action on the side. They're both guilty of employing sexist tropes. BH tends mix those tropes with badassery, while 03 tends to mix those tropes with character nuance. Doesn't change the existence of the tropes. It's sort of just something that you gotta accept about either show. That doesn't mean that its female characters don't have good moments in either show. Just that they're working from a sexist baseline. Neither show is particularly feminist, but they're also far from the worst offenders out there.

There are a few characters where I prefer their BH incarnations over their 03 versions.

The reason someone might prefer one version's character over another is a bit more nuanced than just which character was written better. The vast majority of overlapping characters fulfill different narrative niches in each story. For example, comparing 03 Lust and BH Lust has always felt disingenuous to me because while it's true that 03 Lust is the more compelling character, a major reason for that fact is that BH Lust was never designed with being compelling in mind. A more apt comparison would be 03 Lust to BH Greed, as those two characters do share the same niche of being an antagonist that makes the audience question the nature of the homunculi and eventually splits off from them. I'd also say that BH Lust and 03 Greed fulfill similar narrative niches as being a minor antagonist that establishes exactly what the main villains are all about and who's death is used as a tool by the authors to reveal exactly what the protagonist slaying them is all about. That's why BH Lust's death and 03 Greed's Deaths are both pointed to as highlighting points in their respective series. They both execute on their niches quite well.

This also accounts for the primary reason why someone may like a character in one show but dislike them in another. BH Mustang fulfills the niche of a secondary protagonist. In 03, he fulfills the role of a pseudo-antagonist / morally ambiguous major character. I happen to really like both versions of Mustang, but it's for very different reasons. In BH, I just think he's funny and has a lot of good banter. That's more or less exactly what he's meant to accomplish there. You're supposed to go "haha funny" and/or "haha awesome" with this guy. BH Mustang falls apart when you critically analyze him because the Ishval plot was mishandled, but his surface level traits are so good that I can just be like "I saw nothing." Meanwhile, 03 Mustang is a character who you sort of have to engage with critically to get the most out of. He's a complicated character and his relationship with the audience isn't a static variable. And there's merit to both approaches of character writing. There's as much value to a character where it's not worth overanalyzing them as there is to a character who doesn't really come into their own until you pull out the tweezers.

So, in case anyone's curious, which characters do I prefer their BH incarnations to over their 03 incarnations? Well, I prefer Barry the Chopper and Izumi Curtis in BH vs their 03 counterparts. Like I said, there's a lot more nuance than "this character was written better in one anime than the other" when regarding personal preferences. So, the reason I prefer BH Izumi over 03 Izumi is that I thought BH Izumi was funny and cool while I just got a lot of mixed messages about 03 Izumi. So, in this case, I think BH Izumi fulfilled her narrative purpose really well, while I have much more mixed opinions on 03 Izumi. As for Barry, it's a similar case where I thought he was really funny in BH, while I think he fell short as a more serious antagonist in 03. In Izumi's case, the failings I have for her in 03 are that I don't think her treatment of the Elrics is put under the same scrutiny that every other character is given. Like, in BH, her being physically violent towards them is played off for comedy. It's the same case in 03, but it doesn't work as well in this context because 03 is the show that turned the short jokes into an important metaphor, so it's really weird that Izumi's slapstick wasn't given the same treatment. And I found that really off-putting. Meanwhile, my main issue with BH Izumi is that the stuff around her failed human transmutation was extremely underexplored, which doesn't stick out as much as the slapstick issue in 03 because Izumi is ultimately a minor character in BH while she takes the mantle of a more major character in 03. Though, personal bias is a huge factor in why I prefer BH Izumi over 03 Izumi, since her specific plot about being unable to bear children just happens to be so alien to my personal life, as someone who's both never had a failed pregnancy, has zero interest in bearing children, and would happily make a magic "goodbye pussy" circle. It's not that this type of conflict can't still be compelling to someone like me, but it's going to require more narrative work than a conflict that I can more closely relate to. Hence, why it's personal bias. Meanwhile, in the case of Barry the Chopper, my preference towards BH's version is a fair bit less subjectively biased. He just fits really awkwardly into the role 03 tries to assign him. The issue is that he jumps back and forth between trying to be fucked up and scary to being a comedic antagonist, which just undermines both aspects of him.

Like, the antagonist for this scene, should end up looking completely alien to the version of Barry the Chopper seen in BH, but that version of Barry is played relatively similar to BH Barry in Lab 5, resulting in the 03 Barry being inconsistent.

And for every character where I prefer their BH version, there are plenty more characters where I prefer their 03 versions. And a lot of that will come down to personal preference.

Armstrong's a great example of a character who on a surface level isn't that far off between 03 and BH, but he just works so much better in 03 than in BH because of the different character niches he fulfills in both shows. In 03, he's a minor character, while in BH, he's a major character. So, in 03, he's not particularly developed. He's mainly a funny guy who has a few shots where he's sad over Ishbal, and then he ends up supporting Mustang in overthrowing the government, which he mostly does in a comedic fashion. That's a pretty apt description for both his 03 and BH incarnations, but I only take issue with his performance in BH. The reason for this is that he's a more important character in BH, so I expect the show to disclose more information about him, which doesn't happen. Like, in BH, I want to know more about how his refusal to fight in Ishval affected him, his relationships, his status, etc. But BH only addresses that through off-handed scenes where Olivier calls him a pussy, which don't really go anywhere. Meanwhile, in 03, first of all, Armstrong did kill people in Ishbal, so the massive question of "how did his time in Ishbal affect him" can be supplemented by other characters confronting similar questions. Thus, the minor amounts of information we are given about Armstrong alongside information we see from other characters who were soldiers in Ishbal like Marcoh and Mustang are more than enough to get across the general picture. Secondly, we actually do get hints at how Armstrong's goofier attitude and kinder disposition impact his career. Mainly during the raid in Dublith where Envy disguised as Bradly says "this is why you never get a promotion." As a minor character in 03, he's allowed to have the nuances of his character be heavily carried by implication. But I can't really give a major character like BH Armstrong that same affordance, especially when those hints are barely given. It doesn't help that Armstrong's backstory in BH very heavily leaned into the story's insistence that the soldiers didn't mean it when they slaughtered Ishval.

Edward is more of a Badass in BH than 03

Ngl, I'm cheating a little with this point because it's like "I agree with this point but I also couldn't give less of a shit about it." Which, that response is, at least, 85% personal preference coming into the equation. I'm not going to say that badass characters never resonate with me, but it's really uncommon because the badass character has to be someone I personally can somewhat relate to, which is a rare flavor of character in popular media. My own experiences with the two characters are that I find BH Edward to be kinda boring as a character while 03 Edward is the most interesting character in the show (as he should be given everything I said about what 03 is trying to accomplish). But it's a lot of the same stuff my general thesis has been; BH Ed is more badass than 03 Ed because BH Ed was written to be a badass while 03 Ed was written to be a compelling character.

The actual reason I wanted to bring up this point is because it's a common enough point I've seen people make when comparing the two shows and I find this point rather bothersome. Maybe that's because I take issue with consistently seeing a rather mediocre character being placed on a pedestal over one of the best protagonists I've ever seen. But it's also more the explanations that bug me than anything. Like, I cannot take anyone seriously who uses calling a character "whiny" as a critique. Maybe it's because you're looking for an action hero who can shrug off shit that would normally be traumatizing, in which case, you're in the wrong genre. Maybe you take some issue with characters being emotional in a vulnerable sort of way. 03 features a lot of characters displaying emotions in a dysfunctional sort of way. Characters are allowed to hurt in a way that doesn't fuel anything other than more hurt. Characters will repress their feelings and that will bite them in the ass. Characters are allowed to be depressed, not in a "waiting for the heroic do shit speech" sort of way but in the genuine "existing is painful, no energy, depression" kinda way.

And this is the point that rubs me the wrong way about the majority of complaints thrown at 03 Ed. It's not that wallowing in your own misery makes for good entertainment, but it's an important part of 03's themes and its point. I can also, just, relate more to this unproductive sense of pain. I have depression, that is what depression looks and feels like. It's unproductive, it's painful, it can't be fixed by someone just walking up to you and giving a dramatic speech. And that's why the way 03 expresses hurt resonates with me in a way that BH's just doesn't. It's low octane, and that's the point. That's what makes it good.

BH's Ending is a lot more Straight-Forwards than 03's Ending

I think that's the best way I can put it without saying something I flat out disagree with. BH, in general, is much more straight-forwards than 03, and the endings of both show embody that. BH is, ultimately, a fun show where the heroes have to take a bunch of twists and turns to come out victorious. Meanwhile, 03 is an extremely messy show about characters being put in fucked up situations and no one coming out of it unscathed. It's about decisions that will haunt you for the rest of your life. It's about situations where the right answer is the one you least want to accept. It's a show about how the people will create doctrines to shield themselves from the truth. And it's a show about human selfishness. The endings of both shows are exactly how their shows should have ended. BH was never going to have a bad ending and 03 was never going to have a completely satisfactory ending. If 03 had a happy ending, the show would've been worse off for it.

So, yeah, BH's ending is a lot more straight-forward. It's a happy ending where everyone gets what they want more or less. Narrative knots are tied. All that shit. I personally thought the ending was nothing special. Like, it's another happy ending. I can't fault people for enjoying it for that, but it's not the type of thing that's going to stand out in my brain.

Meanwhile, 03's ending does a lot of nontraditional things. There's arguably multiple major plot twists that come out of nowhere and are more of a "fuck you" to the audience than anything else. The protagonists end the series arguably off worse than where they started. Wrath and Gluttony are still alive and haven't had their arcs concluded in any satisfying way. There's no guarantee that the setting or the characters in it will continue to be okay after the series ends. And that's okay. The ending of 03 is very messy because it's meant to be messy because the point that the show is making is that the world is neither straightforward nor fair, which is why you gotta keep doing the best you can to improve it. That's why the ending is uplifting. Even though Edward's in arguably the worst position he's been in throughout the series, having literally lost everything, he hasn't given up, so you, the viewer, shouldn't give up either. Life doesn't end until it ends, so you should live.

And yeah, the ways that 03's and BH's ending function are fundamentally different. I can totally see why one ending would pass someone by. Like I already said, I didn't feel anything watching BH's ending but 03's ending felt very significant to me, and I could totally understand the inverse being true for some people.

Conclusion

People give BH too much credit and shit too much on 03. Like, 03 is just the better show. It's just that 03 isn't designed to be a comfortable watch in the same way BH is. You're meant to leave BH feeling good, you're meant to leave 03 with a lot to think about. If 03 makes you uncomfortable, that's a feature, not a bug. Many of the fan advertised strengths and weaknesses of each show is really just differences in genre.

And while I've repeatedly conveyed that 03 is the better show, that's not because BH is bad; 03 is just really fucking good. It's like comparing Elden Ring to Dark Souls 1; sure they're made by the same developers and have a lot of surface level similarities, but they're so fundamentally different experiences that viewing them through the same lens isn't fair to either. There are a lot of things that BH does well, and there are a lot of things that 03 does well. But it's not fair to say "BH does X thing better than 03 therefore it's better" (or the occasions where the inverse claim is made) because both shows are trying to paint very different pictures, to the point where I don't consider them to be parts of the same genre. There may be similar components, but the way those components are used is very different from one-another. Comparing the two shows makes for interesting analysis, but it's bad for the purposes of actually criticizing either show.

#fma03 #fmab #fma analysis #fma2003 #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab critical #that's right i'm using all the tags this time #mostly because i've put a ridiculous amount of time writing this so i'd like it to be seen by other ppl #and yeah responses are good even you don't have much to say I love seeing other ppl's opinions about shit

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mikithelibrarian · 2 years

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It Takes Two | Chapter Two - BLACKPINK Jennie - GN! Reader

TW: Mentions of alcohol

Previous part

“Jennie, I��m going to start the stream, join me when you are- Oh”

Your excitement was cut short when you looked at your girlfriend getting ready to leave your shared penthouse. With bag, casual clothes and light makeup, she was with her hand on the knob and as you could see, she wanted to make the least noise she could make.

“Are you going somewhere?” You asked weirded out by her behaviour and the very apparent frustration in her face.

“I’m going out with Lisa today” She showed you a tight-lipped smile trying to ease the mood.

“Okay… I’ll just say to my viewers that your company called last minute” Jennie nodded and made a kissy face your way.

“I’ll be going then!” And just as if nothing rare just happen, she exited your home leaving you with a lot of thoughts on your head.

Why did she didn’t tell you about going out?

Well, you didn’t tell her your wanted to play again with her today, so you guessed it was your fault then.

But still, why did she want to hide it?

You shook your head before you spiraled down onto an abyss of negative thoughts and distrust, especially when she didn’t deserve to be doubted, she hasn’t done anything wrong, not recently.

You sighed and just returned to your set-up to continue streaming, thinking on your back-up plan.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

Lisa asked as she sipped on her coffee.

“It’s about (Y/N)” Jennie sighed as she looked around the expensive coffee shop she chose just to have a casual conversation with her group’s youngest. Then she returned her sight to Lisa, who just remained in silence waiting for Jennie to be prepared to talk. “I didn’t quite liked being on stream with them”

“Does (Y/N) know?” Jennie shook her head. “Are you planning on telling them?” Jennie shrugged her shoulders. “You know (Y/N) is not going to be mad at you, right?”

“I don’t think so, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings”

“I’m sure they will understand it, (Y/N) has never forced you to do something you weren’t comfortable with”

“I know, but (Y/N) looked so happy to share that part of their life with me”

“But that also means you are unhappy” Jennie remained silent as she sipped on her own coffee. “Just tell them what you think, what could possibly go wrong?”

What was supposed to only hang out at a coffee ended in a movie marathon at Lisa’s place, thus resulting in Jennie getting back home around 10 PM, and of course, you had already prepared dinner for her.

That’s when she thought about checking her phone and saw the messages you sent but she never read since she was just enjoying the movie with her friend.

Thing is, she already had dinner with Lisa, so she just saved everything in the fridge and back at the drawers, but something caught her eye. While saving the silverware, she opened the wrong drawer and saw a bottle of tequila. Now, this was weird because of several reasons, these being that number one, there was a designated space for alcohol in your home; number two, most of the alcohol there is, was Jennie’s choosing; number three, you didn’t like strong alcohol, and even avoided drinking unless the occasion called for it, and still you drank light drinks since you hated the feeling of being wasted.

Jennie took the bottle from the drawer and inspected it. It was Jennie’s preferred tequila, the bottle was open and just a tiny bit of its content was missing, so she could forget about those thoughts that started to invade her mind.

Why would you be hiding it?

When she heard a pair of footsteps getting closer, she immediately saved the bottle back where it was and proceeded to save the rest of the silverware acting as if nothing had happened.

“Welcome back home love” You said as you stepped into the kitchen, where Jennie was. “How long have you been here? Have you already eaten?”

“I just arrived, and I ate dinner with Lisa, so I’m saving it for tomorrow”

“Got it” You calmly said as you stepped behind her and hugged her from behind as she was still facing the drawers, just being happy that she was back into your arms. “Did you had a good time?”

“I did” Jennie leaned her body into yours. “I want to talk to you about something”

“I’m all ears”

“It’s about streaming with you” Jennie felt how your body tensed at her words and it made her instantly reconsider what she had to tell you. Her mouth about to tell you how she really enjoyed that time with you, even if it was a lie, but then she remembered who her partner was and then she felt like you deserved the truth. “I didn’t feel right when doing it”

Your hug got loose when those words were said. “Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to talk with my audience?” Jennie shook her head at your suggestions.

“I just didn’t enjoy it” And that was what got you to stop hugging her and stepping away from her. Immediately, she turned around and looked at your face. “Please, don’t be sad about it, I just didn’t like playing games with you”

“With me?” You repeated her words and she instantly realized that she screwed up.

“Not that way, I just didn’t like the game, and the environment I was in, and just… I just didn’t like it” Jennie looked at you, in search for any signal that you were not sad anymore, but she didn’t find it. “Are you mad at me?”

“Just... kind of sad, I think” You sighed and scratched your nape, refusing to meet her eyes. “But I’ll just sleep it off and think about an excuse for you; I don’t want anyone hating on you just because you didn’t like streaming”

“You’re the best” Her gentle voice is what soothed your broken heart as her hand caressed your cheek and her soft lips caressed your own in a try to better your mood. “I love you”

“I love you too” You matched the smile that adorned her lips.

“I will now take a shower, wait for me on the bed, I would like to cuddle”

Those eyes, that sparkle, you just couldn’t resist it, never.

“Everything for you”

Next part

#jennie x reader #jennie imagines #blackpink imagines #kpop imagines #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop angst #fluff #kpop fluff imagines #kpop angst imagines #gender neutral imagines #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #blackpink #jennie kim #jennie blackpink

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quarantineddreamer · 11 months

Note

Hello love 💜 I hope you have a fun and relaxing weekend ahead!

So for the record, I do WANT to watch Andor. I do! I’ve just found my capacity for new shows is incredibly low these days. HOWEVER! We do intend to catch up.

That being said, what are three things you would say to a casual Star Wars enjoyer to convince them to watch Andor before other things?

Hi Gem!! Right back at ya! 💜

And wow I feel like my time has come with this question. (I’ve been training for this lol careful what you wish for! Here’s an essay oops)

1. You don’t have to be a fan of Star Wars to enjoy Andor. You really don’t. You can sit down and watch this show having never seen any Star Wars and still understand everything happening on screen. This is a story that’s powerful and beautiful and relevant and it just so happens to take place in the Star Wars universe 🤷‍♀️

2. The production quality on this show is unreal. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched the show at this point and yet I still find something new to appreciate in every episode each time I rewatch, whether it’s a detail on a costume, or something hidden in the music, or a prop or piece of set. The amount of thought that has gone into every single element of Andor just blows my mind BUT even if that sort of stuff is not your jam (I recognize I nerd out a lot about this given my background in production design) you can still appreciate it as a casual viewer. The world that appears on screen feels incredibly grounded and real.

3. (I’m cheating a little here but:) the acting and the writing. There’s not a single bad actor on the show—and what I mean when I say that is that even the background characters, even the characters with a single line, are incredibly well done. In particular I really love the subtle choices found in a lot of Diego Luna’s performance but I’m kind of obsessed with the whole talented cast tbh. Okay okay and the WRITING. I know some people have found it to be slow but that take just really confuses me. This show builds like nothing I’ve ever watched or read before and it pays off in so many ways that you can enjoy as a single-view and done watcher. Or…if you’re like me you’ll watch it again and again pouring over every little detail 😅

The last thing I’ll say is: oh my god I feel you so much on the new show fatigue. In fact, when Andor first came out I literally had no interest. I was like okay great another Star Wars to go with another marvel to go with another etc etc. But I sat down to watch one episode and the rest is kind of history. It is hands down the best tv show I think I’ve ever watched and better than most movies these days imo.

Anyways! It’s fine I guess!! Pretty cool/decent and I’m Very Normal about it. (If you do decide to watch it, you have to let me know what you think ☺️)

#ask b anything #b rambles #Andor

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blockgamepirate · 11 months

Text

I have so many thoughts about Purgatory and how it's being handled, but I'm also too tired to write a proper post

Here's a bunch of rambling instead:

idk like I think the thing they did successfully was reinvigorating the QSMP project (I think, idk what the actual numbers are tbh, I'm just going by vibes). It's a very dramatic event and it's constantly changing. No two days are the same as I said earlier. They also brought together people who hadn't interacted much before and gave everyone a break from the staleness of a seven month old server. And the mystery aspect keeps people engaged, even almost unwillingly so I think.

It's spectacle, it's hype

But....

I do think the way it was handled, even taking it for granted that this was all a good idea, as far as I can tell, the players were not warned in any way that they would be suddenly thrown into a completely new gamemode? Live on stream? A gamemode that's explained very poorly to them so most of them have no idea what's happening or how they're supposed to play it? That's harsh. It's no wonder a bunch of them didn't take it well! And some of them might have if they'd been given a bit more of a warning or had a better explanation! People are generally more open to new things if they're not just suddenly pushed into it.

They didn't sign up for this kind of pseudo-battle dome type of thing, they signed up for an SMP. Usually when SMPs do competitive events, the players are told ahead of time and are allowed to opt out. But with this? If you opt out, you're fucking over your team, because you already got assigned to one and if you're not logging on, your team has one less player.

Also the viewers too would probably have responded better with a bit more of an explanation. Like if you're showing up for a mystery thriller in the movie theatre, you'd be pretty pissed off if it turned out it was actually a sports tournament. And most would probably just leave the theatre. And then the people who heard that it was a sports tournament and came in going oh boy I sure do love me some sports, would be pretty pissed off when it turned out it was actually a mystery thriller masquerading as a sports tournament after all.

Okay maybe that analogy is a bit weird and exaggerated and unfair but like.... what even is this event actually?

And that's my next point: Like separating it from all the stuff I just said about needing to reinvigorate the server, what is the point of doing it like this? The players themselves don't seem sure what's expected of them, should they be roleplaying or should they just have fun competing and ignore the lore?

I get the impression that it was intended to be possible to play either way depending on the streamer, but the thing is that this makes both options frustrating. You can't fully roleplay because have to play along with the game and you can't just fully commit to the competition because it's so full of lore elements and badly designed from a competitive point of view (I mean look at Sunday's surprise elimination round when a bunch of greens were busy, which I feel is the most ridiculous example of this. But also Soulfire getting targetted by the kill quests for seemingly no reason. And then there's the cursed team aspect: what the hell are you even supposed to do with that as a competitive player? So much of it is so stupid. But it's also not balanced in a way that would be fun for casual play either.)

Not to mention the fact that when you have people who want to roleplay and people who don't, there's absolutely going to be clashes, and you also end up blurring the line between roleplay and reality. And of course the audience will be confused and won't get it, either way.

Okay, a very simple example that I think was already dropped: Etoiles attacking Phil and Phil taking it as Lore while Etoiles was just having fun playing video games. I think they basically just resolved it by Phil letting it go (which is the correct take IMO), but you can see why this kind of thing is a problem, right? Because if the person who wants to roleplay interprets it as roleplay, they're effectively godmodding the other person's character, which is bad rp etiquette. But then if they can't interpret it as roleplay it means they basically just can't actually roleplay.

You can't have some characters roleplaying and others not, at least not unless you've made that clear between the players and also to the audience.

Also I just have to point out that even though QSMP doesn't have an activity requirement, I do feel like they have a bad habit of creating events that effectively create psychological and social pressure to log on and play along with whatever they throw at you. This was a problem with the egg event; suddenly you have a Minecraft baby that you have to take care of every day with another person you've probably only known for like two weeks (if you get a partner at all) OR THE BABY DIES AND THE FANDOM WILL HATE YOU.

And this is kinda similar; you don't have to log on but you're letting your team down if you don't!

Except this time the fandom will also probably hate you if you do.

idk. I think it's a mess that could have been (somewhat) avoided by just not being so obsessed with mystery and surprises and letting at least the streamers know ahead of time what they were getting into and letting them choose whether they wanted to play at all in the first place or not, and also actually setting up some guidelines for figuring out what was roleplay and what wasn't.

And maybe putting together some kind of a trailer for the viewers so they'll have even a rough idea of what the concept is and would be a bit more prepared for it. (They could just say the trailer is non-canon, it's fine)

The streamers can still act surprised in character, you can just tell them to not let the audience know exactly what's coming and to pretend like they don't know anything. I mean there could still be surprises like the teams and the exact mechanics of the game and the specifics of the lore. I just think the players should know something about what they're getting into. It's just common courtesy.

(But also the event itself could have been better designed)

And maybe you can set up something where only the streamers who signed up for the event actually end up on Egg Island, and the others conveniently were all in a car that got detached from the train on the way so now they've ended up somewhere different and maybe they just have like a low-maintenance temporary server to play on casually if they want to, maybe with some subtle lore elements that they can discover. You could do something weird with that too, like maybe the car got derailed into an ocean and they end up in a waterworld sort of place and have to figure out how to play in that kind of environment for two weeks; challenging but chill. (idk it's a random idea but something like that could be fun for a very limited time, and imagine the memes.)

Anyway, obligatory end note: I do genuinely respect the work the admin team put into this project. It's a lot, it's very ambitious, and it often pays off. They're also very good about responding to feedback which is great. I just think that they do make a lot of frustrating mistakes, or what I would consider mistakes. (There are other things I could complain about but that's another post)

Also I do think Purgatory would have worked better if it had happened earlier in the egg disappearance arc, but I fully understands why it took so long. There isn't much you can do about scheduling issues. Can't criticise the admins for that.

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gaytwirights · 9 months

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So like. Thoughts on the yyh live action (spoilers but like. That's obvious)

Tbh. The pacing was kinda rushed and I didn't like the wigs. But aside from that, it was a very enjoyable experience

Would I recommend it to someone who hasn't seen the original? Lmao absolutely not. I feel like this was an adaptation made for the people who were already fans. Certain characters (one of whom was simultaneously my bisexual awakening and my transgender awakening) were less focused on, which would make their impactful moments less,,,, impactful for a new viewer

I feel the biggest issue is that there are so few episodes that they couldn't get a whole series' worth of familiarity with the characters. Kurama's and hiei's big powerups happened in season two, and that's what made those moments so cool. By that point, we were already familiar with the characters (and thousands of filipino youth, myself included, had become bisexual because of dennis), so we got excited when these characters we already loved got cool powerups

All that said, the way they chose to compress the story was very cool. I really don't have much to say, aside from that. It was just really fun to watch all these familiar elements get put together in a new and exciting way. Even as someone who's been a fan since I was young, I was still caught off-guard by the changes and still found myself on the edge of my seat

And on that topic, the emotional moments really hit hard, and are really good at showing the depth of the characters, even within 5 episodes. When yusuke bad to fight his schoolmate, he was trying to get the demon insects out of him until the very end. When kuwabara finally broke the rock, it was because he wanted to be able to defend the people he cares about. The way yusuke and kurama had that common theme of dying and leaving their mothers to grieve (and it never gets brought up again!!! But we appreciate it nevertheless 😌). Parallel of yusuke and toguro had me tearing up tbh

And let me just say, I SCREAMED when hiei showed yukina his necklace. I've been waiting for this moment since I was GRADE THREE GODDAMNIT

And also, as much as I hated the wigs, I really liked what they did with yusuke's and kurama's costumes. The change to yusuke's costume was small -- they really just had him wear his uniform top open, rather than closed -- but it gave him a more 'casual' appearance. He really did look the part of a highschool delinquent, someone who doesn't care about rules or customs (like wearing your uniform properly). And as for kurama's costume, I loved that they used a fabric with a flower brocade for (what seems to be) his designated outfit for demon business. They really went for the flower motif, and I 100% support. However I would have appreciated if they spent a little bit more of the costuming budget on getting my boy a good wig

I also liked what they did with keiko's character. In the original she was just kinda a love interest, which. I mean. Fuck me for expecting a personality from a woman in a 90s anime. But here, there's some rough edges to her that made me think, right, she's yusuke's childhood friend

Another thing I liked is how they did the fight scenes. Here's the thing, a good chunk of the cast are teenagers. And they have to face off against various yokai. Yokai who happen to be much stronger than them. Even considering their shooty slashy boom boom magic, they have to really strategize how they're gonna attack. I really love how they had the characters really make use of their surroundings. Vehicles!! Metal doors!! It was so cool!!

Finally. Effects pretty 💛 there were some gay moments which I super appreciated 💛 but they should've brought a child in to play koenma

#tbh i understand the criticisms #they definitely didn't use a lot of the characters to their full potential #but like. that's just what happens when they only had 5 episodes to work within #yu yu hakusho

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thescrapbookingscientist · 1 month

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Bimonthly Media Roundup

- Marcel The Shell With Shoes On (Movie) - Well this was a lovely little film. Despite appearances it's not a comedy or even really a kids movie, it's a painfully earnest little film about grief, loneliness, and appreciating the quiet moments in life. There's a lot to enjoy here; the borrowers style inventions the shell people have to navigate living in such a huge world are all quite creative and fun to see, There's a social media commentary that surprisingly didn't feel heavy handed and actually felt like the writers understood what social media is like, Marcel and his grandmother's relationship was very heartfelt and emotionally resonate, and several of the little life observations really stick with you. I probably wouldn't put it in my personal top 25 or anything as I don't feel any desire to rewatch it or obsess over it like I do for more fandom-centric media, but as an individual piece of art I think it's really stellar and does everything it sets out to do. If your open to earnest and wholesome things in unusual packages I'd definitely recommend checking it out, it might surprise you.

- Starship Troopers (Movie) - Huh well, to quote my friend, I'm not sure what I was expecting this movie to be, but it was not that. I'd still say it was a solid and memorable movie, it just wasn't the hammy comedy I was led to believe from the out of context in universe propaganda clips (which were to be fair some of the best scenes on the film). I suppose I was expecting more of a Mel Brooke's style satire where Noone could possibly take the characters seriously rather than a Fight Club style "If you have good media literacy you understand that the characters are all following a bullshit philosophy that's actively making their own and everyone else's lives worse, but the presentation is such that a more casual viewer/viewer who is sympathetic to said philosophies could easily read the movie as an endorsement of them". I mean I definitely wouldn't call it suddel or anything, the fascism of their society is pretty obvious in everything from the citizenship restrictions, the costuming, the obviously idiotic battle tactics, and the cult of heroism resulting in soldiers being treated as disposal fleshbags, it's just that the film spends a lot of time on the action scene training montages and alien bug war and we don't really get to see the larger society outside of that, which I would find more interesting. Outside of the messaging the film was still mostly engaging, I did like the bug designs, thought the mixed gender society was interesting, and thought the plot usually moved at a pretty good pace, though the fact that I didn't care about any of the characters (intentional or not) made the latter half drag a bit once they landed on the alien planet. Overall I'd say that I respect the director for turning a pro fascism novel into an anti fascist satire and think it's a solid movie, but personally I'm not really interested in watching it again (though I'd watch an analysis on it any day).

- Deadpool & Wolverine (Movie) - My sister was super excited to see this one and I liked the first two well enough, so we headed to the theater for possible the first time this year. My thoughts on the movie are that I liked aspects of it and enjoyed myself well enough while watching but the longer I think about it the less favorable I am towards it. There was literally no part of the movie that wasn't dependent on the audience understanding a shit ton of pop cultural references, from the X Men and Mad Max as a whole to Disney's policies to the larger MCU and basically anything from the early 2000s. References aren't always bad and I do understand that of all characters Deadpool is the one who most belongs in a reference parody movie, but given that the first two movies did have self contained plots with likable enough characters and genuine heart it's disappointing to see that all be thrown away for such a pandery story about how tired media has become while contributing to that same pop culture brain rot as the things it's parodying. I'm also not really a fan of the main joke of this movie being how pansexual Deadpool is and how into Wolverine he was, not because I hate old man yaoi but because I'm tired of Disney acting like being gay is inherently absurd and funny and then queerbaiting the hell out of the marketing for this movie when they never had any intention of treating the idea of the couple as anything but a joke. Usually I am capable of detaching my feelings for the product and enjoying the fanworks for queerbaited couples just fine (See Satosugu rant below), and I'm happy for all the gays and girlies who seem to be having fun with the ship, but unfortunately I'm just not feeling it this time, it's just too manufactured, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Uh for positives I guess I'll say that I like the design and abilities of the main villain even if her entire existence is again dependent on references and prior attachment to other media, divorced of the movie itself I do like the idea of a car fight scene shot like a sex scene playing out to Greases "You're the One That I Want, and overall I liked the soundtrack and thought they utilized it well in the film. So not all bad but meh, not all that great either.

- Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) - Satosugu managed to make Top 5 in AO3s new top ship list for 2024 and you know what good for them. I have personally read an unhealthy amount of GeGo fics in the last month so I can say with confidence that there's some really good stuff out there - There's definitely a better effort on fanfic writers part to flesh out the inner worlds of these characters than canon does, that's for sure. Not to say I dislike the canon, tragic friends turned enemies who still care for each other turned evil spirit literally using the corpse of your favorite person to emotionally compromise you into failure is a hell of a dynamic, I just wish we would've gotten to see more of the "friends" part in order to truly make the tragedy hit harder. As for my feelings on the series as a whole half of me wants to go full 4 hour video analysis on Geto Suguru and where he succeeds and fails in writing a writing a 'Liberation at all costs" character (Good concept, weird execution), while the other half just wants to gush about the pretty character designs and throw my money at cute merch. I assume this is the typical JJK fan experience.

- To Your Eternity (Anime) -Well this was certainly a unique one, I'm surprised it's as underrated as it is. While I have seen some other media take the concept of following an immortal protagonist through their life, I rarely see one that commits to the bit the way To Your Eternity does in actually spanning 100s of years of story with each arc detailing a different era/encounter. And that's to say nothing of what actually happens during these encounters, which range from emotionally devastating and resonant to incredibly unique and unpredictable to highly intriguing. Fushi's literal evolution throughout is really interesting, following an arc I've only ever seen mirrored in the rather philosophically different Land of the Lustrous. There is quite a tonal shift between the 2 seasons, with the first one making me full on cry at least twice (a rarity for me) with it's shorter intro-personal relationship focus while the second one dipped more into the supernatural/sci-fi elements and had a bit more of a comedic touch with the over the top Prince Bon remaining a series regular, though the melancholic tone never fully lets up. We finished the current 2 seasons pretty quickly as it was too engaging not to binge, though in hindsight I'd wish I'd watched it slower and let the separate arcs sit in brain for a bit, as right now they're all to jumbled together to meaningfully comment on. I have critiques of the series, both in many of the individual arcs and as a larger narrative, but this is already a pretty long post and I don't feel like dwelling on the negatives. Super interesting and well written series with a wholly unique plot and a good emotional backbone, I'd definitely recommend giving it a watch.

- Malevolent (Podcast) - It's been a bit since my last podcast binge, and I'd heard pretty good things about this one. I am enjoying it so far as a vaguely Lovecraftian/ Resident Evil style horror mystery - It's certainly engaging with some creative imagery. Admittedly it can be a little hard to follow sometimes, though that might just be my fault for listening to it while multi-tasking and my own struggle to remember names and plot beats without visual components. The 2 entities trapped in the same body where one is at least a little sinister is one of my favorite media dynamics so of course I love the John/Arthur dynamic, especially with the interesting twist of John being able to see through/control Arthur's eyes when he cannot- a good workaround for organically describing visuals in an audio medium. My experience with the first episode was pretty funny as it throws you immediately into John's deep-voice commanding Arthur's movements and then praising him as a good boy for listening, making me have to pause the episode and check that the genre was indeed horror and not an erotica. The evolution of their relationship is nice to witness, I'm a little into season 2 and I'm happy to see that they are in this together so to speak. Anyway excited to listen to more and happy that they are using the fairly obscure horror icon the King in Yellow, interesting.

- The S Classes That I Raised (Webcomic) - Nothing new to say but still keeping up the weekly drops, excellent series.

- Dungeon Meshi (Manga) - Haven't read too much farther in as I want to take my time and pay attention to the series, and I haven't really been in a 'paying attention' mood lately. I do like Mithrun and the creative execution of his teleportation ability so far though, that will be neat to see animated.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Trying to clear through some story quests before I start Fontaine. Ganyu is pretty cute, I might go for her next time she shows up as I could use a Cryo DPS, Though I'm also interested in Wrio and his boxing glove fighting style. We'll see who comes first I suppose.

Listening To: Good Luck Babe and Red Wine Supernova by Chappell Roan, The End of All Things cover by Mikutan, The Mind Electric by Miracle Musical, Let Her Go cover by Kristen Merlin, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowgirl by Chloe Breez and Annapantsu, Too Sweet and Lunch covers by Reinaeiry, Tounges and Teeth and Metaphor by The Crane Wives, Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter, Boys by Lizzo.

#weekly roundup #my post

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lunarsilkscreen · 3 months

Text

Applications of AI

The biggest drawback of AI is that it's more or less random what pops out. How do you know the information you give is factual if the data scrapped is from *literally every 4-Chan Green-text* and Infowars?

If all it can do is replicate what is saved with slight modifications or by combining several elements together; what difference is *that* from simply reproducing copyrighted material?

So this technology that we call AI--that is about as intelligent as your average Redditor; What can it be used for?

Well, this is simple enough. We can use it to streamline things that we already use databases and data search for. In-fact aside from formatting and compilation, that's pretty much all A.I. does.

Producing required information in a way that sounds more human and casual. As opposed to formal and "Robotic".

So if we curate the data inserted into an A.I., for example; only using input data from a curated source--like wikipedia; then we can be reasonably certain that the information is likely factual. And, references will be included to manually verify if it sounds *off*.

How can this be used for creative solutions like graphics, authoring, and music?

Auto-complete is basically the one thing that everybody uses *All the time*. Common passages and phrase, as well as packages that can "translate" your dialect into one that is more familiar to readers, viewers, or listeners would be incredibly useful.

Yea, I'm talking about *translation of what you're saying* into something that is more understandable despite being the same language.

Like an extended auto-correct.

Generating tweak able templates, and filling coloring styles, and generating music passages would be super helpful.

Especially if you have packages that Include things in public domain. Classic music like Mozart and Beethoven, could be used to complete your music passages if you find yourself stuck.

I mean, you'd still have to work at it so it doesn't sound completely trope-y.

So what do I mean when I say "Packages"?

"Package" is the term often used in game and visual development applications that include resources that a user can use for their games or other artwork or websites, or samples, sounds, and noises.

or clipart.

Creating a package seems to be straight forward; you throw your input data in, and feed it to the A.I. and it generates based on the contents of that package.

So, if you have a package of old Disney or Hanna-Barbera cartoons, you could generate look-alike content.

And this could be extended to modern conventions as well.

Hiring several artists and developers to create these packages could help studios maintain an art-style for cheaper than normal, because of the need to create the first package, and then continually generate from that package.

If A.I. gets a speed up, these packages could then be used to generate content based on the input data that the creators feed in; Generic N.P.C.s, repeating backgrounds, generic audio, bird calls, animal sounds. whatever.

They would be able to help the environment feel more *alive*. However, it wouldn't be a cure-all. Despite a multitude of behaviors and samples being able to be used in packages; eventually it would start to feel repetitive to the human mind.

All generated content will have some familiar quirk to it that will be perceived by the audience.

Because of this however, studios of all kinds, will have to seek out new [something] to remain ahead of the curve. Access to this tech will make it incredibly easy for artists to develop their own content for *very very cheap*.

With the exception of that [package] design.

Even generating content using public-domain packages will be as engaging as "Professionally Produced Modern Content".

And creating a unique package will become something students will do as a capstone.

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ideahat-universe · 5 months

Text

youtube

I think now is a good time to tell you guys to stop sleeping on the original trading card game. Yes. I have been informed that TCG online is dead and Trading Card Pocket is upcoming but as a former player of multiple card games, I know that those games are going to be screwed by the two player combo of net-deckers and whales.

Unless you're willing to spend a fair amount of money or grind for free packs you aren't going to beat anyone on ladder and in casual it's more of a coin-flip than the actual coin mechanic.

At first it will be fine but it will be too easy to make an OP as hell card available for those willing to pay the packs to find it. Additionally the trading card game is completely poisoned by the speculator market that drastically overvalued a handful of cards as collectables that you can flip for big bucks.

With the Pokemon Trading Card Game, you just need a copy of the game (and lets face it, you're gonna wanna emulate it) and all the fun of the first three sets are yours to enjoy.

Having a hard time finding IRL people to play cards with? Well, PTCG has it to where almost everyone can be re-challenged. That means even in post game you can build a deck centered around a fun theme and then play a couple rounds with your favorite AIs.

But unfortunately you won't be able to play a round with your friend because you can't play co-op on emulators...

Psyche! My OldBoy! allows for local and remote play! You can either hotseat your turns which works perfectly well for a turn based game like this OR you can set up a server and a client or a bluetooth connection and play that way as well.

Additionally, The Miyu Mini Plus is retro multiplayer capable.

So now you can play multiplayer PTCG or play it alone at any time. If it's on your phone you can pull out your phone and play a match any time. Something came up while you were in the middle of a match? Don't worry about it. The game was designed in such a way to where it remembers your mid game match and allows you to continue from that point.

You've already played PTCG? I did hear that the game was finally released on virtual console but you have more options on an emulator. For instance, you can play the sequel which at this point has been fully translated, you can also play PTCG romhacks.

There is a randomizer, one that swaps the PTCG characters for Kanto ones, and even ones that retouch and add more cards to the game.

But if it makes you feel better, you can buy the version on Switch.

Now lets talk about some stuff that wasn't mentioned in the video above.

In a 2 hour video you expect to hear about almost everything that the game has to offer but in reality there was a couple things left on the cutting room floor. Like say. This.

Who is that?

It was a staff member at Creatures Inc if you can believe it. Early Pokemon experimented with a lot of really odd and eccentric choices and Imakuni campaigns were one of them. He never appeared in the traditional games or most of the spin off and never in the TV show but he did appear in the Manga and he did appear in the trading card games with a gag deck. He even had a series of cards based on him and his antics and as implied, those are unusable. This character only makes sense to Japanese viewers and was mostly left out of most products sent to America so this character appearing in the game with a unique sprite, walk cycle, cards, and his own theme makes him a complete anomaly to the few people that played the game back in the day. Internet wasn't very useful when this game was out so you just didn't know what this guy's deal was.

He randomly appears in the club rooms so maybe OP didn't actually see him during the entire play-through but it's hard to believe that he could be that unlucky as to never see Imakuni once. He mentioned that the video was re-edited so maybe he edited Imakuni out but he's here now in this post for you to enjoy!

Okay Oda. So there was a weird man that you can duel in your game? What else do you find interesting?

Well, remember how people often complained about the coin flips? I hated the coin-flips as well as the restrictive nature of needing to commit to a color so I developed a deck to counter that aspect of that game.

It's mostly a colorless deck with a couple of cards from every other type but the cards used can use any energy card to get off the ground (and I had multiple colors to occasionally benefit from using the correct energy card on the corresponding Pokemon).

Furthermore, none of the cards require good coin flips to get off to do the bare minimum. Aside from colorless green and red are the largest group of Pokemon with most of them having their evolution.

The rest are basics, Pokemon like Pikachu and Grimer don't have their evolution and are just jobbers mean to be played in the very early game or as stall so stronger cards can get their energy.

The fighting cards are the fossils Aerodactyl and Kabuto. Most of the time the Mysterious fossil is just a funny Pokemon doll but getting Aerodactyl out on a super slow deck dependent on evolution is kind of a win condition (it does stop you from evolving your pokemon so it has to be done with that in mind).

Another win condition is Scyther who just goes nuts if he's allowed to double his damage. Then there's Snorelax who shuts down status heavy decks. Lastly there's the Wigglytuff which easily gets full damage from Do The Wave as it's very easy for my deck to summon a bunch of basics to fill the bench.

Also there's a bunch of eevees. One for every evolution. False, there's actually 4 Eevees but only three evolution cards. Eevee isn't great on it's own but one Pokemon that can potentially evolve into three different hard counters for your opponent is pretty good.

I used that deck to beat the game and it's really hard to argue against it but maybe you do want to risk it all and flip a bunch of coins and do insane damage with Ninetails or Geodude, perhaps you want to kill your opponent very slowly with poison, Maybe you're completely evil and you want to win by stalling (Draw very little and play cards like Mr. Fuji and Energy retrieval to put cards back in your hand or in your deck).

Listen. There are going to be more cards in Pokemon Trading Card Game Pocket. It's a fact. You'll get to play with many more cards than will ever be in this title or its sequel. But you'll have to pay for something that really should be free.

And that's the freedom to construct your deck however you like. A couple hours grinding out AI opponents is a much smaller price than what could be hundreds of dollars opening card packs.

He's told you all about the game, I've given you a bit more. Now it's your move.

#video games #pokemon #card games #fandom #emulation #Youtube

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dzpenumbra · 2 years

Text

1/19/23

Cat's fussy tonight. She's getting a bit spoiled with me running the faucet for her so she can drink it. She was very spoiled with that for a long time, and I learned the hard way that leaving a faucet slowly running 24/7 is... not great for a faucet. But she just really seems to like it. I've had a project in the back of my mind for both of us for a while now, I just don't know how I'm going to pull it off. First thought was, "I need to get her a fountain," which of course branches into, "I need to make her a fountain," which goes to, "I need to make us a fountain." And then I go... "wait, I could make like... an actual running stream. Like a natural stream of running water with a pump on it... built into a table. Like a mini zen garden kinda thing, built into a big deep table, with an actual river running through it, maybe even a waterfall for her to drink from." And then it goes to, "holy shit, I can even make the whole thing from completely natural materials, and have like... living moss growing in it, real plants. Not just stone and sand, but like... soil and plants."

I get so excited when I can see these projects so vividly! And I really will commit to finishing a project like that. I just... immediately consider my current list of projects, which is... 11 long? And that's just the repeatable ones, there are more on the one-off list. And it just... feels like other projects should get center stage. Like getting furniture for my house. Like making the two necklaces I've been putting off for like... weeks. Like making music. Like designing the new mahogany coat hanger rack. The list keeps going. And I just... ugh, I just wish I had company, honestly. An extra set of hands to pull a few all-nighters, listen to some great music and crank out like 5 of these awesome projects.

I thought streaming was going to be this. And I'll tell you exactly why it isn't. It may not be what you think. Take a look at what I'm looking for up above - company to listen to music and either make art with me or keep me company while I do it. And guess why that doesn't work. Hmm... I wonder.

Let me get this "pseudo-political" rant out of the way, because it very clearly has been crippling me for a while, and drove me down a very dark path to try to avoid it. I, as a creator, do not want any fucking trouble. I just want to make my things, and share my ideas, and if you don't like them, you can change the channel. It's not that hard. But there has been a steady push to whitewash and family-friendly-ize all streaming platforms over the past... well, majority of a decade now. It was not always like this. And I guarantee what happened is that cable TV started dying, so people who used to work for cable TV came over to streaming platforms, YT and the like, and... just made cable 2.0. Who needs an FCC when you have a totalitarian stranglehold over what TV shows stay on the air and what don't. It's a different organism, yet we're still playing by TV's rules. It feels archaic, and it leaves me... creatively anxious. I see it a lot.

How does this affect me, as a broadcaster? The same as my writing. If I swear, which I do frequently, and some bitchy Karen parent in the Bible belt or something reports me for "obscenity", I lose my ability to stream. Not just lose my ability to make money, my channel gets shut down. I lose my ability to maintain an audience, to gain viewers, to grow. If I don't move to a different platform, I can lose momentum entirely. I saw it happen to a somewhat-known comedian I used to Twitch mod for. He got banned for having the word "nipples" in his username. For over a month. He had to go to a personal connection that knew someone at Twitch to get his username manually switched to his actual name, just to be able to stream again. And that did a number on him. Point being, even if you're making a joke, even if you're just speaking your casual language... if you're a smaller (not a Partner, I guess) streamer, you're kinda just shit out of luck if an automated system guns you down. And that anxiety hangs over all our heads every day. Try being creative when, if your joke doesn't land, a robot bans you from that comedy club and every support line is automated. You're just... done. Because one cranky Karen decided she needed to take out her lack of supervising her child on you.

Now, I can even push past that, because I don't really swear that much honestly, and my humor is really not that crude at all, not like it used to be. What gets me now... is music. It's the ass-backwards system the record labels decided to put into place, on their endless automated crusade to remove music from the internet. How ironic is that? The industry devoted to spreading music is now pretty much the exclusive source of music censorship and removal. They are systematically rooting out the spread of music globally, every day. They fucking automated the process too, so they can't even claim they're providing jobs for people here. They are just a vacuum sucking up culture and mulching it, so they can force listeners onto music streaming platforms, where they have a stranglehold on the market.

Now here's a thought I had earlier that I think could solve that whole thing, if they actually gave a fuck about like... music. And personal choice. And all the free fucking exposure they're denying their artists. So... they clearly have bots that can identify songs very quickly, like the whole Shazaam model, right? So... why the fuck are these companies not working directly with streaming sites, and adding in a plugin to the site's functionality where it has a whole "Now Playing" thing provided by the streaming platform, in tandem with the real-time song recognition bots that the record companies have clearly dumped their ill-gotten gains into. So when the streamer is playing a song, any fucking song, a little thing pops up that says "Now Playing" and the name of the artist, and the name of the song. And when you click on that, it brings you directly to a place where you can buy the album, support the artist, see show listings, etc. I'm coming back from my tangent, I swear, buckle up, we're swinging it back around. Why the fuck wouldn't they invest in that?! That way, streamers are - automatically, and without the need for compensation - promoting music that they love, sharing it with a potentially new audience. It's free fucking publicity. And then, the streamers don't have to look over their goddamn shoulders for LawyerBot3000 swooping in and trying to demonetize their videos, automatically mute their VoDs and risk getting their channel struck. And... here it is, I'm connecting the dots... then streamers don't have to do 6 hour art streams listening to generic copyright free elevator music.

No one should be subjected to that, that's like a form of corporal punishment. Not streamers (who are unpaid employees, but I'm not gonna get into that). Not the audience (who are paying customers... well... some of them). No one. No one should be required to play "state-approved music". That's like... fascist shit. It's fucked up. But the people with the big pockets and aggressive lawyers won. And that's the world we live in. So... that's the primary reason why I dread going back to streaming. Because if I stream my art and listen to good music, which is all I want to do... I risk getting my channel shut down. As though listening to Mars Volta, making beaded necklaces and talking to my audience is... illegal. As though it's... stealing from someone? As though it is an act that is worthy of punishment. Worthy of revoking the "privilege of a workspace", the "privilege of access to an audience". This has always struck me as... "shoot first, ask questions never", draconian, fearful, shortsighted and, most of all, not even remotely in the interest of preserving creative expression.

So... I don't know what to do now. It's deeply upsetting. Because I've really tried for a long time to do marathon streams with either no music (nearly impossible) or generic music (I literally start falling asleep and have to end stream). It just doesn't work. And all I want to do is like... put on good music, make my art, and share with people the music that I love. That was where my creative spark was born. In the living rooms of friends of mine, drawing in my sketchbook and sharing music. "I show you Atreyu, you show me Radiohead." "I show you Method Man, you show me Gojira." And later, in the studios in college, plugging the iPod into speakers, putting on a pot of coffee and painting while lying down on the floor with an endless playlist all night. Tool, Mars Volta, Tides of Man, Coheed and Cambria, The Syncope Threshold, Circa Survive, Between the Buried and Me, the list just goes on and on. I introduced so many bands to friends of mine that way, and vice versa. That's how I found The Sound of Animals Fighting, Bring Me the Horizon, Parkway Drive, SiKTh, After the Burial (one of my favorite bands of all time), the Dear Hunter, etc. etc. And now, when I watch streams - which is like... the only social interaction I have... the only music they play is the same generic copyright free muzak I listen to when I go to sleep. Or nothing at all.

It kills the exchange of music. Which is sad. Why? Money. So yeah, that blows.

I don't want to sit on this all night, I've been going for a while here, I had a big point I wanted to cover.

I dug into all that because of the whole... social thing. Social anxiety has been plaguing me for a while... and I explored that in therapy today. And it's really jostling how... quick your... ugh, I'm struggling for words... control? Need to control things? To make them perfect? In gaming, we call it min-maxing. The need to optimize, to make things the best they can be. Minimum loss, maximum gain. It's crazy how quickly and stealthily that can sneak up. And it embarrasses me sometimes, because I'm always priding myself in my spontaneity and improvisation. Well, that might be the spontaneity of... Past Me, at this point. Winters are notoriously rough for me, and being in moments of recovering from acute trauma (seems like that's the majority of the time the past few years...) as well. They do tend to make depression skyrocket. Then I get into anxious mode. And anxiety's job is to... protect, right? To keep safe? It's an alarm system to keep me notified of threats around me.

And how do I respond to that alarm system? Well, the healthy way would be... not to ignore the smoke alarm... not to assume the entire house is burning down... but to pop your head in and check, gather information. So when I'm getting into social anxiety, I'm noticing that the majority of it is kinda... bookended on either side of the interaction. Kinda like stagefright has been for me - I get super anxious before I get on stage, and I kick myself about how I "could've done better" after. But during, it's really not a huge issue. Which I think is really a blessing, it has not always been that way. But once I find the Flow, it gets really easy. Because like... I'm weird, right? So how can I fuck up "weird"? XD

Welp, min-max brain has a few things to say about that. And that's the anxiety component. "How can I maximize my odds of meeting someone who isn't a complete sociopath?", "How can I make my next social interaction easier for me, considering I've been 'out of the game' for a while?", "How can I get help from others to 'hold my hand'?" That's all preemptive, predictive shit - that's Future. That's like... neurotic scrying. <crystal ball mystic voice> "I seeee the fuuuuture, I see that I will meet someone who will be suuuuper controooolling and when I try to set healthy boundaries by asking for what I want/need politely and saying no when they cross a line they will attaaaack meeeee." </crystal ball mystic voice> And my manifestation of that thought is... "how can I prevent this certainty?" "What plan can I come up with now, to give me a safety net, or at least armor, for when this undoubtedly happens."

Now... I get why I do this. This is a very recurring trauma, it happens all the time. And it's something I really do need to work on. But like... this way of addressing it... by sitting on the bench and trying to come up with the perfect plan or something? It clearly doesn't work. And it inflates the fuck out of my anxiety. It builds up the anticipation. And what I really feel like I need to do instead, is learn how to properly recognize it in the moment when it's happening... (which it will, just probably not as often as my anxiety thinks) and I'm pretty sure I can... and then... excuse myself. Just go, "oh shit, I something came up, I gotta go." It's not a lie. What came up is "I'm not safe right now" and telling that person why I'm not safe? That puts me in danger, it provokes the bear. So... I need to remember that I always have that option in my pocket, and if the other person is really committed to reflecting on their actions and addressing that moment, I can make myself available to provide my perspective so they can work on their own shit. But I am really bad at walking away. So yeah, that's my running plan for the preemptive anxiety.

The other half, as mentioned above, is after. "Wow, I just talked to that person for like 20 minutes, I have no idea what their name is because I never remember that, and I never introduced myself, and they just left... and we didn't exchange info... and... now they're gone. Forever. Okay... Great job, champ." Like... my first week here, actually I think it was my first or second night here. I met a man in the hallways that was like... under 10 years older than me, somewhere in my age range-ish. I was like... bee-lining back to my apartment with my chinese food delivery and he was walking around the building with his two kids. And I like... passed them. And he saw the back of my hoodie - it was a Born of Osiris hoodie that I like... never wear - and he commented on it and told me he went on tour with them doing sound design. I engaged genuinely, and we connected for like 30 seconds and it was nice. And we exchanged names, and he's on the floor above me. And then we said "see you around, I guess" and I haven't seen him since. And that was like... the past 5 connections I've made were really similar. And I'm guessing it's because I haven't been on Facebook since 2016 and connecting with people on social media is just... not a habit of mine? But you know what? Shame on them! They should be more experienced with this shit! That shouldn't fall entirely on my shoulders!

See, my brain tends to go... okay, I'm gonna correct myself... my depression brain tends to go, "wow, dude, you didn't give them your Instagram handle? How are they gonna get in touch? Carrier pigeon? They don't even know what unit you're in!" The paddle immediately comes out. And the intention is self-improvement, the intention is education/learning, but the methodology is brutish. And that, my friends, that is the big fucking lesson of the day. Well, one of two. We'll start with this one. Self-compassion. Being kind and gentle to yourself, through your methods of self-improvement. Teaching your inner critic - "how could you do that?", "what were you thinking?", "you should know better" - to sound less like an outraged driver stuck in rush hour traffic... and more like - "I should try this next time", "I forgot to mention my name, I'll try to remember that next time". Like... learning from an experience rather than trying to 'teach yourself a lesson'.

I have been getting so much better lately at having my kind, gentle inner-voice come out first after things go wrong. Like "wow, I just talked to this dude in the hallway, and it was perfectly natural, that's awesome!" And the road-rager comes in second, "you forgot to say what unit you were in. How are you going to follow up on this? How did you forget that? Missed opportunity, way to blow it." No matter how good a mood I'm in, no matter how well I'm doing mental health wise, that motherfucker lives in my head every moment of every day. And I need to negotiate with him. And, begrudgingly, counter-intuitively, I need to be kind and understanding towards him. Because he's me. He's just my Depression Me. He means well. He has very keen observational skills. He's very passionately defensive. But he, like anxiety (outside of emergencies) is a passenger and consultant, not a driver. If that makes sense. He doesn't call the shots. And maintaining that hierarchy of inner-voices, and practicing that regularly, like every day... that's what's trained my congratulatory, kind, compassionate, gentle voice to come out first. I will say, it's practice that is well worth doing.

I said there were two lessons of the day. The first was addressing the narrative we use in reflecting on events, self-compassion, a focus on learning and growth rather than outrage, frustration, all that shit. The second lesson... has more to do with the temporal aspect.

See, anxiety is very fixated on Future. The 'what ifs' is what my old bandmate and I used to call anxiety. My therapist today called them the "should's" and that's a very interesting addition. Either way, temporally, it's all fixated on the future. It's attempted precognition, predictive thinking. "I saw this in the Past, and I think it's going to happen in the Future, so I should do something about it." Depression is a very different kind of beast. It doesn't really serve a practical purpose other than to just shit on you. Anxiety is very protective, depression is just like a fucking giant ball-and-chain. And depression, it seems to me, but maybe it just conveniently fits into my narrative right now... is pretty Past based. Fixated on what happened, or didn't happen, and... that's it... and "you should feel bad for that." No plan, no lesson, no growth. Just "you tripped, you're clumsy, dumbass." That's all. Real life-of-the-party, that one. So what are we missing here? Hmm?

Now. We're missing Present Mind. And this is the muscle that I am flexing right this very moment. Hi. I am Present Mind. I don't plan what I say, I don't think back to what I was going to say, I just say what I think and it comes out and that's just what it is. It's a stream of thoughts and feelings connected together and put as accurately as possible onto paper... if my damn fingers can keep up with it. I've been practicing stream-of-consciousness writing since age... 16? Something close to that? So... around 20 years. Nearly all of my music lyrics and poetry were written in pen on paper without thinking (or just thinking only about rhyme schemes and letting the words just fall into place) and without crossing out words. My primary form of musical expression is improvisation. And lately, I've been out of practice. Again, this is pretty much my only Flow practice, short of yoga, which has been great.

I need more of it. I need to break through that wall again. I feel so deeply compelled to seek that liberation. To free myself from this need to have things be the right way. To just... start. And just see where it goes. To get the water pump, and get the table, and get rocks, and just... see where it goes. Fuck a schematic. Wing it. Just... google waterproofing a bit first! You know... Like... we can improvise and be liberated and all that, but like... let's not flood the downstairs neighbors. XD

The neuron connection my therapist helped remind me of, with the Now... it brought something to my head instantly. "BE HERE NOW". It was written over and over around a circle on the cover of a book by Ram Dass that an very odd alcoholic tattooed stripper chick with large fake breasts who went by the alias "Doll Parts" gifted to me. I swear to god, you can't make this shit up. And, in hindsight, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess this woman wasn't really using this book the way it was intended... because she was trying to seduce me while she had a young daughter and was living with someone she was dating... so... yeah... the second I found out about that dude I was in the wind. But she bought me this book first. And it is basically Ram Dass's illustrated story of his spiritual awakening, and it has a lot of stuff in the end that's like... practices and rituals and stuff. Super useful if you're into that kinda stuff. I plan on referencing it soon to find a meditative practice that I can actually integrate into my life consistently. And I just always felt like that phrase "be here now" is just... everything you need to know. The who? "you". what? "be." where? "here." when? "now." I guess all that leaves is how? And if you don't know how to just be right here, right now? Oh boy. Yep. Don't know what to say to that. But the reminder is one that wakes me up very quickly, one that speaks to me. One that I understand at a very deep level. When I see "be here now", I get it. It makes as much sense to me as "you are safe". It's like... permission to come back or something, in the way that "you are safe" is like permission to relax, it's really hard to describe.

So, I spent a big chunk of the night making art. Taking a piece of cardboard that I had left over, as I always tend to have, and making a decorative piece to hang on a wall somewhere in my house. It says in big gold letters with black outlining, "BE HERE NOW". And I'm going to just fill the damn thing with some improvised color designs. I think greens and yellows, I have never really had green play a big role in my life or works outside of camo pants, and I feel like it will pair with the gold pretty well. We'll see how it turns out.

I need to go to bed. I just really wanted to share my insights from today because I feel like they could be helpful to others. And to give myself plenty of room to expand and concretize that exploration.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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pseudopeachy · 2 years

Text

Bonten x fem!Reader: The other half (part 1)

SUMMARY: What kind of partners do the members of Bonten have?

CHARACTERS: Bonten!Ran Haitani, Bonten!Rindou Haitani

GENRE: Fluff??? Just the Haitani brothers being the best S/Os

WARNINGS: Violence, cursing, needles/syringes, wounds (it’s Bonten soo) I think that’s about it but lmk if I missed anything!

NOTE(S): aaaa this is my first fic for Tokyo Revengers skdsdks I’ve been having the urge to write for them, especially for the Haitani brothers. I feel like they’re the definition of ‘I’m an asshole to everyone, except to my partner’ huhu

DISCLAIMER: Tokyo Revengers and its characters belong to Ken Wakui. This is for entertainment purposes only. I do not permit anyone to have my works displayed on other social media sites than Tumblr. Viewer discretion is also advised.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very appreciated 🖤

Here’s part 2! 🖤

HAITANI RAN:

“Have to leave early, wife’s home.” Everyone’s heads whipped toward Ran’s direction. The meeting just ended when the older Haitani received a text message, instantly lifting his mood.

“That is the most fucking absurd thing I’ve ever heard from you.” Kokonoi was the first to speak, earning him a snicker from the younger Haitani and a middle finger from the other.

“Did she cook dinner? Kinda missing home-cooked meals lately.” Rindou inquired while casually scrolling through his phone before, “Nevermind, I’m sure she did. Maybe she also baked muffins or something.”

“What the fuck are you guys on about? Ran’s not married.” Sanzu stated as a matter of factly. The man had no wedding ring on either of his ring fingers nor looked like someone that even considers settling down.

“I am, motherfucker.” “He is.”

Mikey sighed, “Whatever. Married or not, I’m coming by your place for the documents you forgot to bring in.”

Half an hour later, all eight leaders of Bonten stood in front of an imposing golden gate. Everyone could see the luscious garden inside, the fountain in its middle perfecting the masterpiece. The house itself stood proud as a mix of victorian and modern design. Each warm light that illuminated the paths towards the front door made it even better.

“Ok, ‘fess up. Whose house is this?” Kakucho said, eyes never leaving the eerily beautiful architecture.

“Mine’s and my wife’s, dumbass. Why would I lie about something about as important as my wife?” Ran sighed for the umpteenth time that night. He just wanted to see his wife after a week of being apart because of their work, what did he do now to deserve this on such a lovely evening?

And before he could turn the knob, the double doors opened. Everyone’s eyes landed on the woman wearing a black off-shoulder dress that stopped just above her knees. Tattoos danced around her arms, most of them managed to see a huge one peaking from her shoulder.

“Good evening! My, I wasn’t expecting quite a large audience tonight. Please, come in. Let us sit at the receiving area.” Ran then offered his arm to the woman and proceeded to walk through the hallways where art pieces resided. Nobody had uttered a word, too shocked that the brothers were perhaps indeed telling the truth.

“Everyone, this is (y/n) Haitani. My wife.” Ran smirked down at the men once they settled in the common area. It took him a lot to not laugh at his colleagues’ reactions while they were still absorbing the news.

“Is everything alright?” (y/n) asked, concerned that none of her husband’s co-workers, save for his brother, liked her. Was it something she said, or was there something on her they didn’t like?

“Kokonoi, you owe me a thousand.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Did you just bet on my wife? Asshats I’ll-” Ran’s outburst towards Sanzu and Kokonoi immediately halted at the touch of a hand on his shoulder.

“Ran, that is not how we receive our guests.” Right then and there, his colleagues gave him a mischievous grin while the woman in question was busy talking with one of the maids. It was going to be a long night for the older Haitani.

“Yeah Haitani, that was very inconsiderate of you. Have you no manners?” Of course, Sanzu was the first person to take advantage of the situation. Finally, someone other than Mikey has the infamous Ran Haitani on a leash.

“Watch it, you little shit.” Ran was about to pounce on the pink-headed man but could only grumble as he felt a familiar hand get tighter on his arm. This did not go amiss by any of the guests. It was like finding the kryptonite for Superman.

“Sis, did you bake something? I was hoping we’d have cake or something by the end of dinner.” Rindou spoke, completely ignoring the glare his older brother was sending.

“Of course, I did make something. It’s not cake or anything bread, though. I made tiramisu and lemon squares.” At this point, Rindou felt like crying. His sister-in-law really is godsent.

“Ah, Ran also mentioned that Mikey-san likes taiyaki, so I went ahead and made a few.” Mikey’s audible gasp shocked everyone but was quickly replaced by sheer fear at the sight of their boss with sparkling eyes.

“Can I have some now? Give me it.” And not a moment too soon, one of the maids placed a plate of freshly baked taiyaki and other snacks that complemented the red wine on the table.

“Do you have any whiskey? On the rocks, hopefully.” Takeomi asked, to which (y/n) nodded and had the maid retrieve said alcohol.

“Please do not hesitate to ask for anything else. Our house is at your disposal.” (y/n) insisted as she poured a glass of wine for her husband. A few minutes into the conversation and a loud banging ruptured from within the premises; Ran eyed his wife.

“Did you just bring home your work?” Everyone’s eyes landed on the couple, the latter just sighing before fishing out a cellphone from her pocket.

“It’s not exactly work, but someone tailed me from the airport, so I had no choice but to restrain and keep them here. I’ve been contacting the girls though, they’ll be here to collect him in a short while.”

“Now that you mentioned work, what is your occupation, if I may ask, (y/n)-san?” Kakucho asked.

“Oh, I thought they already told you. Anyway, I’m an executive for Olympus.” A pin could be heard from the silence that enveloped the room. Sanzu and Kokonoi exchanged glances while Mikey let out a low whistle.

“Olympus? Like the international criminal organization Olympus? that Olympus?” Mochi breathed, unable to process another information for the second time that night.

“For how long? Is that how you guys met? By running to each other during missions and shit?” Now it was Sanzu’s turn to ask.

“If my memory serves me right, I’ve been with Olympus for about six years now.”

“To answer your other question, we met in Roppongi. She was running around the area like a mad man. She was buying everything she could touch.” Ran answered, only to be met by a snort from his wife.

“Hey, I had a bad case of retail ther-” Not a moment too soon, a disheveled man ran towards (y/n) with a chair. The men were about to pull their guns out when the man went limp due to the shock collar on his neck. The woman could only sigh as she rubbed her temples.

“Now who in the world left my basement open?” (y/n) seethed, turning off the device. The man had foam forming on his mouth, but that didn’t stop (y/n) from kicking him in the face with her stilettos until blood covered everything else.

“Have you no fucking manners? First, you have the sheer audacity to even think about following me to my own home, and now you parade in here as if you can fucking touch me? Little shit.” she said, kicking the man with every word. There was another blanket of silence. The men were used to this kind of scene, but there was something about (y/n) that made them bite their tongue. On the other hand, Ran was cheering his wife on, even asking if she wanted to use his baton.

“Oh my God, is he dead?”

Everyone turned their heads to see three women in business attires enter the receiving area, bowing before the guests before gently yanking the female Haitani away from the poor individual. Two immediately dragged the bloody individual outside while the other spoke with their executive.

“Mrs. Haitani, we are sorry for the delay due to a traffic jam. We will clean up the mess before you return on Monday.”

“No, leave him in my dungeon for the weekend. Free reign on him until I get back, but keep him alive. Or revive him for who knows how many; I really don’t care.” And with that, the women immediately exited the estate in a hurry.

“Isn’t she just amazing?” Ran breathed as his wife rubbed her forehead to shake off the negativity.

“She scares me, bro. Why the fuck does she have a shock collar at home?” Kokonoi whispered.

“Let’s not ask questions about things we may not want to know.” Takeomi exhaled before sipping on his whiskey.

The men then whipped their heads the moment (y/n) clapped her hands. “Timer says dinner’s ready. Let’s head to the dining area, shall we?”

HAITANI RINDOU:

“It’s four in the morning, woman. Why on earth are you still awake?”

“That should be the least of your worries when you and your workmates are literally covered in blood.”

Rindou eyed his partner down, still refusing to let her get tangled in their line of work. However, He cannot, for the life of him, understand why he immediately thought of driving the group of crime lords in her peaceful bubble at such an ungodly hour. But before he could reply another retort, Ran got their attention.

“Not to interrupt whatever that is, but we have a pair of individuals who are bleeding in the car.” And just like that, (y/n) immediately went towards Ran who was busy helping Sanzu out of the vehicle.

“I have a gurney waiting at the door, please lay him down there.” she instructed as Kakucho got out next, clutching his side.

(y/n) then motioned for everyone to enter the dark halls of the clinic while she fetched another gurney for the latter. Upon closer look, every one of them was sporting cuts and bruises that must be cleaned later.

“Ok, I’ll attend to these two first. Please help yourselves in the fridge at the far left and then I’ll clean you guys up, too.”

“Thanks, miss. But, who are you?” Takeomi asked as he placed a cigarette stick between his lips.

“This is a no smoking area, please. You can smoke by the door instead.” (y/n) said before putting on the other pair of surgical gloves and prying Sanzu’s clothes off. She immediately saw a familiarly large wound on his hip while his left arm was sporting another wide gash from what she could guess was a bullet.

“Ok, I’m going to start cleaning you up and then I’ll be stitching those wounds so we won’t risk any infection and prevent further bleeding. Tell me when it hurts, too. May I know your name, sir?” she asked the pink haired man while assembling the cart filled with cotton, gauze, and the large bottle of povidine-iodine, along with other medical materials.

While (y/n) attended to a badly injured Sanzu, Rindou was left to entertain his colleagues’ questions.

“(y/n)’s my girlfriend. We’ve been together for more than two years now.” He answered the older Akashi’s inquiry before watching said person treat her patient with much care as if they weren’t some bloodthirsty criminals.

“Does she know about this whole bullshit?” Kokonoi muttered, his eyes never leaving the woman in question as she now tried to subdue Kakucho who was insisting he was fine despite the blood trickling from his head.

“She’s known ever since. She was the one who patched up Ran and I when we were jumped by other executives of a rival gang one night. Didn’t even question shit, just made sure we stopped bleeding.”

Takeomi then flickered his cigarette butt outside before taking a seat next to Ran. His eyes traveled to the woman attending to his colleagues and towards her alleged boyfriend.

“Two years, huh? You’re fucking whipped-” The older Akashi’s monologue was cut short when they heard the woman screech.

“Ok, you two. I do not have the patience of a saint. I will not hesitate to sedate the both of you if you do not cooperate right this moment.”

“Let’s see you do somethi-” the room fell silent as (y/n) stabbed Sanzu on the arm with a rather large syringe. The man tried to speak, but the slurred words were getting more and more gibberish by the second. And just like that, Bonten’s number two fell back on his bed with a loud thud.

The rest of the executives cannot help but to look at one another in response.

“I apologize for my previous actions. I will not move a muscle nor talk unless it’s need for the medical procedures.” Kakucho muttered before lying back on his own bed, mortified beyond belief. He was not about to be unconscious like that.

“Some crime lords you are, really. Stop acting like children, I’m literally just cleaning and stitching you up!”

“Rin, I changed my mind! I love her already!” Kokonoi laughed, muttering about how he’d pay the woman to do that everytime Sanzu was annoying him.

“Now, will you still wonder why I’m a tiny bit afraid of your girlfriend?” Ran chuckled, but he stiffened when (y/n) spared him a gaze. He could feel the negative energy emitting from her eyes.

“Says the man who literally beats up people as a living.” She scoffed while finishing the bandages on the still unconscious Sanzu and finally moving her tray near Kakucho’s bed.

“It wouldn’t hurt you to be a little nice to her, big bro. She just finished her residency last week. It’s hard being a doctor, you know.” Rindou intervenes, though fighting the urge to grin at the pair.

“Who the fuck sedates a patient like that?! And I thought female doctors and nurses are the sweetest.”

“If I hear another stupid statement from you, I’ll sedate you too and stitch up your mouth, Ran.”

And as the chaos betwen his girlfriend and older brother ensues, Rindou cannot help but to chuckle. He worked himself up over nothing, after all. With the dawn of a new day creeping through the windows of the clinic, the young Haitani realized that if his girlfriend can reduce this notorious group of criminals to little children by herself, then he’s got nothing to be afraid of anymore.

-🖤-

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