#but essentially i have mad trust issues not only towards people but towards myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago

Text

warnings: extremely negative feelings towards a sibling, distressing / intrusive thoughts. placed under a break due to the content of the message. remember, I'm not a mental health professional.

updated with additional viewpoints from readers at the bottom!

I'm sorry in advance.

I really hate my older sister. She never respects my boundaries, insults me frequently, and is just annoying and hypocritical in general.

I've always had these issues with her, but she lived at her own apartment away from me and the rest of my family, so I've been able to control my hatred of her. But last year in March she moved back in and sold her apartment. She has no plans of leaving anytime soon, and I can't stand her.

We shared a bedroom for about a year because we were also taking care of my cousin who also moved in with us last year. My cousin has since moved out, but my sister is unfortunately here to stay for a couple of years. But with extra space, I was able to move into the spare bedroom and thought that would be the end of my problems.

It wasn't. In fact, she has become even more unbearable. The hardest part of this relationship is that she has a weird obsession with being with me. I'm not sure if this is because she loves me, or she's just weird. I think she's weird because my parents never act like she does.

Our bedrooms are right next to each other. There's really no reason for her to miss me. But every single fucking minute she's coming into my room to bother me. I would have more empathy for her if she acknowledged my limits, but she doesn't.

She's constantly cuddling me after I've said for MONTHS that I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly belittles me by saying I couldn't live without her, and that I would be a mess if it wasn't for her (mind you, I've lived without her at the house for YEARS and I was perfectly fine). She's constantly in my business, interrogating me about every little thing. She once locked the door and wouldn't let me leave the room without answering her questions for 20 minutes; she asked me about a $30 Amazon order containing manga I ordered with MY OWN MONEY. And I had permission for my parents to order it! It wasn't her business whatsoever.

I've tried to keep her out numerous times; I've gotten in trouble for it. My parents say I'm being mean and that this is her way of loving me. What I feel like they ignore is that I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. Her way of "loving me" HURTS.

I've tried communication. I've had multiple meetings with my family about my boundaries and they say they'll change, but they never do.

Another factor that worsens this is that I have borderline personality disorder. I'm currently being denied therapy or intervention of any kind. I get told my mental illness is a result of me having an attitude and hating my family.

I writing this to you because I've been having very alarming thoughts recently. I'm been somewhat suicidal as long as I can remember, but this is different. I've been having nightmares about killing my family/my family killing me. I don't want to kill my family. As much as they have abused me, I know they truly love me deep down. But when I'm in a mental breakdown, I don't think for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to hurt them if they continue to push me. I'm too scared to turn myself into the police and I don't want to be taken away from my home. I truly need therapy, but it's expensive and I'm not allowed to get it.

Are there any options left for me? I love my family and I want to get better, but I can't stand them. It'll be a while before I can live on my own, and I don't think I'll make it that long.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate that you came to me, however, please remember I am not a mental health professional.

I do not have the best relationship with my family. I've come to accept that they just exist and I moved away from them. I keep a strict level of familiarity with them for my own sanity and well-being. There are people in my immediate family I don't talk to anymore or only speak to in certain situations, with other people around to buffer my emotions. No one in my family understands or respects my mental health issues and I have ceased talking about it with them.

I will admit, I had to ask for help. I'm going to share the answer of someone I trust, because they are much more level-headed when it comes to something like this.

Use different words with your sister. Instead of "I'm mad or annoyed", use words that bring out more empathy - "You're making me sad and uncomfortable. You're hurting me." Anger is usually perceived as something within you, something you must control. But sadness is usually not perceived in the same light. People usually see sadness as something that has a cause and perhaps letting her know that she is the cause will have an effect on her. Using different words when speaking to her may slowly change her perspective.

When it comes to your parents, well, parents do not usually understand sibling dynamics. They're fucking useless most of the time when it comes to problems specifically between siblings. It might be better if you say something like, "Her constant intrusions are affecting my school work. My grades are going to drop." Usually, parents respond more urgently if you say you education is affected - and it doesn't matter if it's true or not, we're just trying to get them to help in some way.

I had to remind them it's summertime lol

Oh shit, you're right. Er. Well, In any case, it seems you've tried having reasonable discussions with your parents and it doesn't seem helpful to continue discussing this particular topic with them. Maybe get into fitness since it's summertime. Go outside, do something active. She can't cuddle you if you're running, right? Then you can also be stronger and feeling better physically improves mental health. Put some music on, go hiking or running, take yourself out of the situation.

I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps if you're experiencing a mental breakdown and you're afraid of hurting your family, run out of the house? It might be better to be physically away from them at that time to avoid saying or doing anything you regret. It may help clear your head and help your family realize that this is something that is truly debilitating to you.

I don't know your age, so I don't know if the school thing is relevant. It's only a suggestion.

You said it will be a while before you can live on your own. When I knew the cons of living with my family outweighed the pros, I did everything in my power to prepare myself for leaving because I needed a goal in order to survive. I needed distractions, reading, writing, gaming, music, anything else to occupy my mind and help control my thoughts. There was a time when I needed music to fall asleep (headphones in on low volume).

Also... uh.

I'm not saying you should do this. I'm only saying I did.

My siblings and I have physically fought before. One has scars from fighting me. The scarred one is the one closest to me currently.

Not saying you should do it.

But I did.

If anyone feels comfortable enough to share how they dealt with it in their own situation, please do. Maybe more perspectives can help this person.

some other experiences sent to me:

anon #1

I don't think I had a situation that extreme but my brother was a little like that. I honestly had to become kinda rude and indifferent. Like he'd always use my laptop and stuff and I put passwords on everything and just don't tell him. And then when he tried to hug or cuddle id say I don't liek it and just push him away physically now this soudns fucking obvious when I say it this way but like I don't think I read that u tried it ? Idk I discovered I have a loud annoying scream that neighbours will hear, and fucking strokg legs I used to kick him away but like I was tiny so I don't really endorse violence but I didnt like being close to a 'boy' essentially at taht age so yea... Idk man siblings are weird and I have had intrusive thoughts so I think I didn't handle it well but for a few years I became an asshole to him and then now I'm good with talking sometimes and I keep it short and sweet and I've mentioned that I'm sorry for being mean in the past bcuz like I am ? Bcuz I'm not an asshole ? ( But like I did what I had to do ) I hope u get the help and support u need

anon #2

I read the message from the previous anon and I have to say I relate to what they say. I wouldn’t say i’ve completely dealt with the situation when it comes to my parents.

I have 4 siblings and i’m the oldest, my sister that’s 2 years younger than me always gets in my way and is a tyrant. Because she’s much taller than me she overpowers me and i also have scars from when we’ve fought. My parents don’t intervene because they say we’ll make up soon and I honestly can’t stay mad at people for long. I also live with my parents and am not able to move out anytime soon until I get my degree.

A few weeks ago my mother was complaining to my father that I don’t help around the house and all that bullshit but it’s obviously not true. Anyway. My father came into my room and threw all my clothes from my cupboards on the floor and said my sister and I must get out of his house. He was literally pulling us and we were crying because where the hell would we go. My smaller siblings were begging for him not to chase us out of the house but he was ballistic. He was constantly throwing insults at me, calling me selfish and disrespectful. I was having a mental breakdown and I said i hope that God takes my life away because i’m too weak to do it myself. I kept saying that and when my parents heard me. They called me crazy and were laughing at me and said i should take it back because instead of me another one of my family members would go.

My parents don’t care about mental health and therapy. It’s all unnecessary to them. But after that night I tried to find my own way of getting rid of the negative thoughts, I choose to ignore what everyone tells me. I agree with everything that you said about trying to get away from their family when they have those thoughts. I try meditation and praying. I’m not sure if that person follows any religion but that’s what helped me. And writing can be cathartic. Also remember that you’re not alone, there are so many people out there who share your sorrows and can relate to your situation. I think about my little siblings who i’m close to and what it would be like if i wasn’t there.

Maybe if they could get a pet? I know having a pet can make you feel less alone and you feel a sense of responsibility towards them. As for their sister, she needs to see their point of view and tell her that she makes her feel overwhelmed with the things she does. She can spend time with her and try to make her understand that they need their space too.

anon #3

I also have sum advice 4 the sibling anon frm a fellow bpd buddy:

Does ur view of ur sister change from "i hate her" to "she's alright" sometimes? Viewing sum1 as all bad or all good is common in bpd ppl and usually changes alot. I rec writing down the moments where she shows she loves u. This could be thru buying smth for u or doing smth 4 u. I had a similar relationship w a friend and this exercise helped me remember that she might not have intentions to hurt me and might b trying 2 bond. Repairing the relationship might take a while. Talk alot if u can, it seems like ur family is at least willing to hear u out, even if there behavior doesn't change much. Keep sum distance if needed. Working out and finding fun hobbies is good.

If u feel like ur breaking down, try breathing exercises n identify 5 things u notice thru ur senses. What do u feel? What do u smell? What do u taste? What do u see? What do u hear? I personally like taking myself down rabbit holes. For example: I see a yellow jacket > this shade of yellow is a cool tone > what makes a color "cool" or "warm" > why do we associate red with warmth > what if the sun was blue > what if ocean water looked orange > is water wet

I usually end up forgetting what was making me upset. If it was a big deal I would still remember, but at least I would b less emotional and a bit more rational.

Search up cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy and try 2 practice sumthing similar 2 exercises u would perform w a therapist. Squeeze stress balls. Masturbate (this blog is perfect 4 that lol). Maybe watch some videos done by therapists on youtube. I watched a couple of videos abt therapists reacting 2 fighting in movies and I learned alot (this video was very fun to watch)!

Anyway that's what helps me! Good luck 2 u!!!

12 notes · View notes

dragynkeep · 4 years ago

Note

Irish-American musician speaking. I just want to say a couple of things (a) i appreciate that other people are at least willing to criticise Jeff (even though i don’t agree that he was copying “ethnic” styles of music because that’s just bullshit and he was just going for a specific feeling, because that’s how music works) and (b) i really appreciate that this blog takes James' character seriously and not whatever the fecking hell the writers think they've done.

i did want to say that i'm really upset about it as a person with an autistic specturm disorder. i doubt the writers (bless their hearts) realised it, but the semblance they gave James is one of the hallmark signs of ASDs, especially in adults and young people. given the way they've always written him until the end of season seven, i really related to him and his struggles for a variety of reasons. i could get just as angry about the way they've portrayed military service (my dad is a similar ranking to the character and has been through some shit) especially given that a lot of people in my family have or are serving, but i get the sense that everyone sees how problematic that demonstration is. the former is a lot more subtle, and it honestly upsets me more.

and then there's all the bullshit surrounding Penny (they should have just left her dead or given Winter the powers to begin with for fuck's sake). firstly, i'm just going to come out and say that i've hated the way they've used vocal music to bash us over the heads with messages the last few volumes. Cinder's TWO (whyyyyyyy) songs in just that one episode this volume were basically narrating what was on screen which took away from the moments and the second one during her fight with her mentor was just plain bad. i thought those two were the worst we were going to get but apparently i was wrong and we get whatever the hell "Friend" is. (although i will say i bet the only reason they threw in that second song for Cinder was because Casey just had to get publicity for her shitty band). but look. i'm lgbtqia myself and it really (especially considering Penny and Ruby's intereactions) felt like queerbaiting/bury your gays but i'll set that aside. making Penny human (a) took away the only unique/interesting thing left about her character and (b) her death was essentially a glorifying suicide "for the greater good" which really slaps in the face of people who have honestly suffered from depression and suicide.

this isn't the first time that they've shyed away from trying to explore serious subjects, but it is particuarly gross because of the song. an earlier example of them doing this is with regard to "the path to isolation" when Casey felt the need to say Weiss has never cut and that she wouldn't do that. while that was (to say the very least) a bit uncomfortable for her to just drop that, it sounded like she just wanted to avoid talking about the subject because it's too dark. i have a lot of problems with Casey and her actions over the years, but i think it's important to note that SHE WROTE PENNY'S SONG. she is the one responsible for this, and she keeps talking about how great it is and how "humbling" the experience was. bitch no. you can't just take only praise and get mad about critisicism to the point where you basically recieve none anymore.

besides, Casey is pretty hard to understand because she STILL doesn't enucniate much when she sings so if she and her dad are going to keep being basically worshipped hand and foot by people while recieving no criticism even where it is due, then they shouldn't be in this or music. part of being a musician is that you SHOULD be critiqued by your peers and even by just casual listeners but that doesn't happen and they (but especially her) don't improve. by no means do i think Casey and Jeff are the worst of CRWBY, but they are part of the problems with tone in the storytelling and they should be critiscised for it more.

oh god this is a long ask & it’s like a month late, please forgive me.

yeah, my issue with the whole jeff issue was never that he was “copying” ethnic music, though there is a discussion to be had when that music comes from closed off cultures like my own & others & how that should be respected, but that this vague claim by someone who’s lied to push their headcanons before was using it to claim ruby & summer were romani coded when there has been anti gypsyism sentiment in crwby before via arryn’s sexualization of us. i simply don’t trust these white americans to write any gypsy ethnic groups’ stories with any sense of respectability & it was on a baseless headcanon anyways so. that frustration was easy enough to let die down.

i also have a lot of issues with how ironwood was treated, especially as a disabled person & some of the fndm’s insistence to treat this fictional military as a 1 to 1 representation of the flawed militaries in our world is just utterly frustrating. especially when they use that to justify theirs & crwby’s ableism towards one of the few disabled characters we had on screen. i don’t have a place to speak on any autistic representation or harm from ironwood or his semblance because i’m not autistic but i am sorry that you were harmed & upset by this portrayal of a semblance that isn’t even canon, because it features nowhere in the text explicitly. hell, ironwood’s va had to be told what his semblance was from a fan. all this harm & hurt & it’s for something that isn’t even featured in the story. ridiculous.

i’m really trying not to waffle on in this ask because it is so long already but yes yes yes. i agree with you completely, the way that songs are crafted for this world & featured into it most of the time doesn’t fit with what we’re shown on screen. weiss’s songs feature a patriarchy & go over the same arc like five times, as well as those lines alluding to self harm. jeff & casey can cry that they didn’t mean it that way but there are certain themes brought to mind with certain wordings & you have to be mindful of this when you write them; we had this same issue with people believing mercury was sexually abused by marcus because “i’m the one” featured the word defiled, which is most used in a sexual context. when we come to learn that it meant his soul was ruined by his father stealing his semblance, that still didn’t erase the sexual allegory & jeff should have been mindful of those types of themes when he’s writing these songs. often times it feels like the songs & the show are giving us two different stories & both give off different meanings & themes.

not being able to take criticism seems like a common theme in crwby, self admittedly from miles himself who said he “wants” to take criticism but doesn’t like it when “it’s done in a mean way.” that criticism has to be fair & nice, which is a solid sentiment, no one’s going to listen if you’re being an asshole but here’s the rub. nothing is ever nice or fair enough for them. they always find a way to turn even the most innocent of criticisms or questions into a personal attack & it’s pathetic. jeff & casey aren’t exempt from this. like you said, part of being a musician is criticism from your peers & much like you don’t need to be a chef to tell if there’s dogshit on your plate, you don’t need to be a writer or a rock star to tell when a story isn’t making sense or a song isn’t good.

& for fucks sake, i’m with you on them needing to enunciate better. i’m hoh, please jeff & casey, it’s hard enough for me to try & listen to songs that i want to enjoy without having to wonder what word you’re mumbling for this third rhyme in bad luck charm. fuck that song’s rhymes.

#rwby #rwde #owl.txt #answered #q #long post /#im so sorry it took me this long lmao #Anonymous

13 notes · View notes

werelesbian · 4 years ago

Text

I’m really scared and so fucking lost right now. I feel as if the world is literally crashing down on me. I have budgeting issues and tend to spend too much of my money. I essentially burn a hole in my pocket. I’ve been trying to learn how to budget but I’m so fucking lost. Thankfully I have friends who will teach me. I ask my parents to but they’re unhelpful. My mom essentially wants financial control over my bank account so she can take care of it, but I don’t want that. I want to learn the skills I need so I can be self-reliant. I’m still emerging into adulthood. I’m only 20. I haven’t been taught a lot of things, but I’m willing to learn. I have a job and I’m earning money which is nice. I also learn new skills at work and I’m doing a good job!

On the other hand, I’ve been having many downsides lately. My gf got really mad at me for my overspending (which I understand) but the way she reacted really scared me. I have a history of being abused and anytime people react with anger or violence towards me, I cower. I also can’t seem to trust myself. I’m so scared that if I lose my gf that I will somehow ‘lose’ self control and go back to men. I’d rather claw my own skin off and eat my eyeballs than do that. My OCD likes to latch onto this and likes to tell me that I’d be better off with a man and that I should get with one of my male coworkers. He is objectively attractive but I am not attracted to him (or really any man for the matter). I just wanna be with women and have a woman love me for me. I don’t wanna go back to men. I hate the idea of it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

I feel as if I’m being crushed underwater and I can’t surface for air. I’m suffocating and I can’t seem to find a way out. I feel so hopeless right now. I don’t want to lose the good in my life, but if I do, what will happen? It’s hard to see what tomorrow will be like when every day feels like my last. I don’t know what to do. Sappho help me.

#lgbt #lgbtq #gay #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #transgender #internalized homophobia #venting #bi #wlw #gwlg #sapphic

2 notes · View notes

13-reasons-ideas · 5 years ago

Text

Finding Peace In Another Part 19

A/N: T/W: Discussion of drug addiction and dating violence. This chapter is coming out a few days early and I’m sorry for the delay, I've been really busy with school. I hope everyone is coping well with the virus and isn't going to stir crazy. Also note that this is a work of free fiction and as such I’m not sticking to exact US immigration protocol. Much love!

A few weeks after my dinner with Scott, things were going well. His suspicions were quelled, Monty and I were good and there were no lingering issues with me hanging out with Scott. Since things had calmed down some, I decided to partake in my new favourite pastime. Recently I started surprising Justin at Monet’s after his shifts.

“Hey Justin, can I get peach tea and a raspberry scone please?”

“Coming right up. Usual table?”

“Depends, do you have leftovers?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m beginning to think you’re only using me for a baked good fix.”

“Maybe. I do bake as a hobby though, so its definitely more that I like you.”

He laughed as I took my drink and wandered over to the table. I people watched while he finished his shift.

“So, how are things with you?” I asked, casually after he sat down.

“You know, things are going. Clay is kind of oblivious to things, mom and dad are trying to judge what they should and shouldn’t push me on. The usual stuff. You?”

“Yeah. Things are going with me too. Dad still occasionally pops in town for a few days before going to wherever he needs to again. Still acts like I don’t essentially live on my own. I think he’s going to be in town for like two weeks sometime soon so that will be interesting.”

“Oh?” He asked, surprised. “Interesting how?”

I had to be careful how I answered. Man, this hiding our relationship thing is getting hard. “Well, he could decide to actually parent me. I’m an adult though so that could cause problems. May end up being a very silent couple of weeks.”

“Sounds like a trip.” He said, laughing.

“Justin. The last time he was home for any length of time, he told me to go look for a job.”

“Uh, why?”

“I have no idea. I can’t even legally work here. Dad’s work did something with the paperwork or something because I am still in high school. I literally can’t work, even if I wanted to.”

“I know. That makes no sense. Could tell him to send you home really.” He said, jokingly. There was a skepticalness to his tone that seemed to indicate he was nervous for my answer.

“What? No. I have finally finished settling in and have begun to think of Evergreen County as my second home. Alberta will always be my home, but that doesn’t mean I want to move back. I still don’t understand your reluctance for universal healthcare but that’s fine. Technically it hasn’t been long enough to be removed from Alberta Healthcare, but I’m not about to go to the trouble of going all the way home to deal with something that can be dealt with here. Dad haggled and made them give him really good insurance to move here and give up the free healthcare.”

“Okay good. Because we like you and don’t want you to leave.”

We talked about some school stuff for a while before I noticed him start to seem a little restless. I knew about his addiction issues and we talked about it often. “Hey, you still with me Justin?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry what were we talking about?”

“Math test, but that’s not important. How are you doing right now?” I asked, subtly referencing the possible cause of his restlessness.

He sighed before answering, “I’m doing okay I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about it? We can go for a walk if you’re not comfortable talking here.”

After a moment he nodded. I got up and went to order us two coffees to go while he waited, trying to organize his thoughts.

“You ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Your usual?”

I rolled my eyes at him. Obviously.

We left the shop and wandered around a bit before he broke the silence. “It’s just harder than I expected it to be. Even with going to meetings, it’s hard to manage sometimes.”

“I get it. Have you talked to your sponsor at all?”

“I call him every afternoon to check in but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. And I want to talk to Jess about it, but I don’t want to scare her or push her away. And I want to talk to mom and dad about it but I don’t want them to be mad or….”

“Or what Justin?”

“Or kick me out or something? I don’t know.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen, but I hear you and I understand what you mean.” We sat on a park bench and people watched for a while. “You should tell Jess. Trust me when I tell you she is probably going to figure something out sooner or later.”

He looked at me in surprise, “You…?”

“No, not me. My ex-boyfriend was a prescription drug addict. Percocet was his drug of choice. He was in quasi-recovery, still drank and smoked weed so not actually trying stay sober, when we started dating. It wasn’t pills though so I wasn’t going to push the issue. But as time went on, he started using again and tried to hide it from me. It wasn’t that hard to figure it out. Things got… bad towards the end. Not that you would ever… just. I knew.”

“Oh. I-I didn’t know. Are you like, okay?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t that bad. If we stayed together it would have been worse, but thankfully we ended up breaking up after he went on a bender and I said enough was enough. But we aren’t talking about me, we are talking about you.”

“Do you think she would understand?”

“I think so. It might be hard at first, but I think she will. And she needs to hear it from you, not figure it out on her own like I did or be told by someone else. That will make it easier.”

“And my parents?”

“If you want, I can go with you to talk to them.”

“I think that would be good, yeah.”

“What do you want to do Justin?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do you need? Do you need to go to more meetings? Do you need someone to take you to meetings? Do you need to consider going to rehab? What do you need?”

“I don’t know. I know I need help. I just don’t know where to start. Why?”

“Because I want to help you. You’re my friend. And your parents will ask, so maybe thinking about it before you talk to them would be helpful. If not though, I understand. And if you need anything, just call me. Okay? Day or night.”

“Okay, I will. Thanks Becca.”

We chatted randomly for a while again before calling it a night and parting ways.

The next day went smoothly as well. At least until lunch that is. The guys were goofing off as usual and since Scott had seemed to quell his suspicions at least for now, Monty and I didn’t have to walk on eggshells as much around him anymore. Bailey called me about halfway through lunch. It wasn’t unusual for him to call me in the middle of the day, given he had a spare after lunch, but he didn’t usually call and then text and then call again. Odd. I hope everything is okay….

“Someone’s popular? Hot date you forgot about tonight Becca?” Garrison joked. I wasn’t looking at Monty but I knew his eye twitched ever so slightly, as it did whenever someone made a comment like that.

“Uh, yeah sure. Whatever Garrison.” I said, distracted as my phone began to ring again. Something is going on. I answered it at the table rude I know, but I don’t think a bunch of teenage boys care much about table etiquette. “Hey Bailey, what’s up?” I asked.

“Hey so I didn’t want to get involved or get you involved since you aren’t here to defend yourself, but I feel like you need to know. And it’s my problem because you’re my best friend.”

“Need to know what?” I put my hand up to quiet the boys down a bit.

“James has been… saying stuff. About you. And your relationship.”

“Uh okay? Why is that a problem?”

“Because of what he has been saying and what it involves regarding your relationship.”

“What has he been saying Bailey?” I felt my cheeks begin to warm and Monty and Zach’s eyes on me.

“He’s been telling our friends uh… intimate details about your erm… private relationship.”

I laughed in disbelief. That little prick. I took a deep breath to centre myself, though it did little to quell my growing anger. The table grew silent as I started to vibrate, “well Bailey. You tell James that if he keeps running his damn mouth, I will get on the next plane home, find him, and shove my foot so far up his ass he will taste it.” I heard Bryce let out a laugh and glared at him threateningly.

“Okay. Is it wrong that I would pay to watch that? Because that would be great.”

“Bailey.”

“Sorry, just trying to break the tension.”

“Has the little slime ball been saying anything else?”

“I mean, he complains about the end of your relationship, which I don’t like but that’s not unusual.”

“Remind him that I kept my mouth shut about a lot of shit he did, to protect him. And remind him about the little agreement we made when we broke up. I may not live there anymore, but my phone plan has international calling and I am on very good terms with the school resource officer.”

“What agreement Rebecca?”

“The agreement that keeps his dumb ass out of jail for various things that I cannot talk about right now. And certainly not with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have money to bail you out of jail and the exchange rate is terrible right now. That’s why.”

“O-okay then. Talk later?”

“Yeah, I might call tonight but if not, later this week. Depends on my plans for the evening.” I heard a bell on the other end of the line.

“Gotta run, love you Becky.”

“Love you too Bear.”

When I looked up, the table was staring at me, slack jawed. Scott looked the least surprised out of the group, considering he had a little more insight than everyone else regarding my last relationship. “What?”

“What the fuck was that?” Matt asked.

“My ex was talking about shit he shouldn’t have been talking about.”

“Okay we got that much but… what was that?” Zach asked.

“You’re so small. How can such a small person have that kind of anger in them?” Garrison added.

“Could have something to do with people not watching where the hell they walk and stepping on me, or it could have something to do with my tolerance for bullshit getting lower and lower the older I get.”

“But you hang out with us. So, I don’t see how that is possible? That was kind of hot though.” Scott asked.

“No offence, but I’ve met second graders who exude more bullshit than you guys do all put together. Well if I knew that’s all it would take to turn you on Scott, I would have told Bailey to call me during lunch a long time ago.”

“Okay, that’s fair. Hurtful but fair. What can I say, it’s the simple things. Are you going to eat your apple?”

“Depends Scotty. Are you going to take it anyway?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Uh huh. Since I don’t get a choice anymore, knock yourself out.” I chucked my apple at him, half hoping he would miss. He never did.

Zach and Monty shared a look. Still haven’t grasped subtlety yet I see. “Do you want my carrot sticks Monty? I’m not very hungry.”

“Why?”

“Big breakfast.”

“Right. Sure, not one to say no to free food. Even if they are someone’s leftovers.”

“They aren’t leftovers you meatball. I cut them this morning. I had green beans last night.”

“Do you eat other vegetables Becks?” Monty asked, teasingly, taking a bite of the stick.

“Dude, chew your fucking food.” Bryce chided.

“Why? What is this? Interrogate Rebecca day or something? Eat your damn carrot sticks.”

There was a beat of silence, where the boys sat with perplexed looks on their faces. Zach, bless him, jumped in with some game related question that I tuned out as it went over my head. I’m dating a sports player. I never said I understood any of it. The heat seemed to be off of us again, though I could feel Scott glancing my way every now and then while I tried to brush up on some geometry before math class.

I had full intentions to lessen Scott’s once again raised suspicions, so instead of waiting for Montgomery a minute or two after the lunch bell as usual, I merely waived goodbye to my friends and ran to math. I was the first one there so I pulled out the book I was reading between classes.

“Good book?” Cyrus asked, startling me as he sat down.

“God! You scared me. Yeah, I have read it a few times though.”

“Cool. Did you want to come hang out tonight? Mack is going to Chad’s place to talk boys or something.”

“Maybe, I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Dad is making baked ziti for dinner. You can have a corner piece.” He bribed.

“A corner piece of ziti you say? Well in that case, my schedule is clear as day.”

“It’s a plan.”

Mr. Daniels started class a few minutes later. Will geometry ever get easier?

I met Cyrus at my locker after school and yelled a goodbye to my friends, who were having an animated discussion about who would in a fight, someone I had never heard of or some other guy I’ve never heard of. There was a chorus of ‘byes’ and grunts of acknowledgement. We parted ways and met again at his house.

“Hey Andrew.” I greeted his dad.

“Hey kids. How was school?”

“It was school dad. The establishment and crap.”

“I see you had a good day Cyrus.”

“At Liberty? Sure.”

“I had a pretty good day. I told my friend at home to tell my ex where he can stick his opinion. Do you need help with anything?”

“No, that’s okay thanks though Becca.”

“Oh this I need to hear.” Cyrus said, grabbing a Coke from the fridge.

“Pass me a Diet and I’ll tell you.” After opening my drink, I told the father and son the story of the lunch phone call.

His dad raised his brow and muttered something about punk ass little shits who don’t know their cocks from their feet.

“That is awesome dude. You should have told him to Facetime you when he told this James dickwad.”

“That would require me seeing the asshat’s stupid face. So no sadly.”

“Fair point. We are going to my room to do some homework Dad. Call when dinner is ready? I bribed her with a corner piece so save one for her.”

“For sure kids. Have fun.”

With that, we ran off to his room, but we didn’t work on the non-existent homework. Instead, we went through his records and Spotify account and argued about which to play. “Just go to a radio if it’s going to be an issue Cyrus.”

“No no. You’re my guest, you choose.”

“I already chose and you said no.”

“Fine. Defy it is. You’re lucky I like you.”

“Mhmm. Just play the damn album Cy.”

He laughed as he hit play and the sounds of Of Mice & Men filled the room.

“You better not have been lying about the corner piece man.”

“Lie to you about dad’s cooking? I would never.”

“Right. And I’m the Queen of England.”

We joked around for a while before dinner. Andrew called us down later and as promised, I had my crispy corner slice of ziti.

“Thank God it’s Friday. I want this week to be over. Thank you for dinner again.”

“Everything okay Becca? It’s no problem.” Andrew asked.

“Yeah, it’s just been busy. Lots of assignments and stuff.” Too much work and not enough boyfriend time.

“Well you have the weekend to relax at least.” Cyrus pointed out, waving his fork.

“If you don’t stop that, you’ll poke your eye out one of these days. Are you going to the game next Saturday, Cyrus?” “Maybe. Not really my scene.”

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun. We can not care about the sport together. It’s high school. You only go once.”

“Fine, but you are buying me popcorn.”

“Deal.” I said and shook his hand.

Andrew made sure to send me home with leftovers and a standing invitation to come for dinner any time at the end of the night.

#monty imagine #monty x reader #montgomery de la cruz x oc #montgomery de la cruz #montgomery de la cruz imagine #montgomery de la cruz x reader #monty de la cruz #monty x oc #Justin Foley #justin foley jensen #Bryce Walker #trigger warning #cyrus 13rw #scott reed #zach dempsey #FEEDBACK PLEASE

21 notes · View notes

tragedybunny · 5 years ago

Text

The Blade’s Edge - A League of Legends Fanfiction - Chapter 16

Hello Lovelies - I'm trying to stick with this despite everything. I'm considered essential industry so I'm still expected to report for work. It's a little scary at times. I would greatly appreciate any comments you have to let me know people are still enjoying this story.

Playlist Song:

John Mayer - Half of My Heart

They had a simple arrangement. She was the weapon to be used on his enemies. Things get more complicated when emotions bleed into what should simple. Now the two of them find themselves on the precipice of something that was entirely unexpected.

“Jericho!” She turns and flings herself at me, arms constricting around my neck, face buried in my shoulder. Her obvious joy at my appearance throws me off guard and I don’t respond to her. “Oh, you’re mad at me aren’t you?” That joy dissipates into sullen sadness.

I wrap one arm around her and run my hand through her hair, willing her to remain calm. Most of the patrons have wisely elected to ignore me coming to collect my drunk bride to be. Still, it’s not unwelcome to have Darius looming about discouraging them. “Of course not. I just didn’t know where you’d been tonight.” I had, in fact, been furious when Darius’s messenger reached me and I’d had to traverse all the way down to the slums to get her. Saying that to her now would accomplish nothing but upsetting her further.

So I lead her outside to the waiting carriage, Darius accompanying us. As if on some celestial cue, rain starts to shower down, threatening to soak us on top of everything else. I turn to Darius. “Thank you for sending for me. And for taking care of her until I got here.” Kat pulls out of my grasp and starts slowly meandering toward the carriage.

“She’s…” He considers his words for a moment. “She’s a real mess right now.” He doesn’t need to give voice to his concern, it’s plainly evident.

“I’ll take care of her.” For once it’s a promise I mean in all sincerity. He nods and turns back toward the tavern, presumably on his way to handle Draven. He’s a better man than I, keeping watch over those important to him. Kat’s come to a stop outside the carriage and I go to her, putting my hands on her shoulders, intent on getting her inside out of the rain.

“I’m sorry to be so much trouble.” I freeze. I’ve never known her to sound like this, like a small child on the verge of tears.

Am I the cause of this? I coax her to turn and face me and pull her close. “No worries Kitten, let’s just get home.”

“But if I’m too much trouble you won’t want me around anymore.” Have I somehow given her this notion?

She sniffles and I fear she’ll burst into tears. For once I’m at a loss for a course of action, I want to stop it, but I know not how to soothe her feelings. “Why ever would you think that?”

She shrugs, her head now laying against my chest. She feels like ice against me and I wrap my coat around her as the rain continues to beat down on us. “It happens.”

Damn it, Soreana. I shouldn’t have sent her to deal with her mother. I thought perhaps it would have gone smoother without my involvement. I should have just forced her compliance and left Kat out of it. I stroke my hand along her back. “It is raining, it is late, and you are very drunk. You need to go home and get some sleep.” I kiss the top of her head, unsure if I’m doing the situation any good. “All else can wait until the morning.”

She doesn’t respond but she’s pliant as I lead her to the carriage and help her in. She immediately gets as far from me as possible, leaning against the far wall. As we lurch forward, she curls in on herself, still looking terribly despondent. “Is there something I can do?”

She pulls her hand through her hair, more violently than usual, and shakes her head. “No.”

“Let me try.” There has to be some way to reach her.

“Why? It’s not like you care!” Her head snaps toward me, eyes flashing, as she flings the words in my direction.

In that sudden transformation from sadness to fury, I’m taken unawares and react by instinct, her words cutting me as deep as one of her daggers. “Of course I do!” There it is, the forbidden thought, given voice and brought to life. It feels like something living, permeating the space between us. She at least yields and moves closer, leaning on me as I hold her. “I mean that, Kat.”

I told myself at the very beginning of all this that I would not become attached to Katarina. We would have a mutually beneficial arrangement and nothing more. That illusion was shattered that fateful night when I believed I had driven her away. I don’t even like to contemplate what it would have been like to go to her room and find she had actually gone. Somehow though, that was not the case, she had chosen to stay. Ever since then I’ve had to confront the truth, that I had failed to remain detached as I had so carefully planned.

That is really what brought on this whole marriage idea. She doesn’t need me, she never did, I deceived her into believing that. Once I leave to handle this rebellion, it is only a matter of time before she figures that out. If we are married though, she may be more inclined to stay. So I will do what I must. I can’t let go of her, and I know of no other way to keep her.

She makes a little contented noise and tightens her arms around me. If nothing else, the storm seems to have calmed and my little Kitten is happy for the moment. It doesn’t take long for her to find that place somewhere between sleeping and wakefulness. I fully expect there to be fall out from tonight, but at least we have this moment. Once we’re home, I tuck her into bed, letting her wrap herself around me once we’re both under the covers.

It’s barely past dawn when I have to leave her and I find myself regretting it. I had told myself that even though it was our wedding day, the Empire continued to need governance. In truth, I could have made arrangements that would have given us more time together. Deep down, I hadn’t wanted it to seem a thing of great import, particularly when I had downplayed it so heavily to her.

It’s frustrating to feel that I’ve botched this whole situation from the start. And so that evening, I find myself in the study, perched over the table for once clear of maps and battle plans, awaiting the Magistrate’s arrival with no small amount of dread. Kat is still upstairs, doing gods know what, so I’m left alone with my thoughts and more emotions than I particularly care for.

Feeling restless, I lift the cover of the little wooden box before me. Inside, on a velvet bed are two gold rings, each cast with my adopted house sigil of a raven in flight. They had been a last minute idea when she’d said yes, but it brought all of this into a concrete sense of reality. All things considered, they had turned out decent enough and I did hope she was pleased with the gesture. Where was she anyway? There are times I’m amazed she ever manages to assassinate any of her targets since she can seemingly never be on time.

There’s a light tapping at the door, which is of course not Kat. “Enter.” Face austere, eyes never locking with mine, Moira enters. “Yes.”

“Is there anything you require before the Magistrate’s arrival?” She maintains that neutral expression, even though her feelings on the matter at hand are known to be less than positive.

I’ve known Moira the majority of my life. She’s not much older than I am and she began her service here when she was just a girl. She’s been fiercely loyal to me and of all the household staff, she’s the one I trust. “Yes, could you please see what’s keeping Madame Katarina.” This has been the only issue between us in all these years. It is time for resolution.

Her expression darkens. “I will inquire but…” And it begins.

“But what?” I challenge her.

She stands fast instead of retreating. It would be admirable if it were not above her station to do so. “With all due respect Sir, you are familiar with her temperament. She will do what pleases her.”

I inhale a sharp breath, I had hoped it wouldn’t get this far. “It is not your place to have opinions on her behavior, Moira.” My tone’s harsh, it is time for her to accept Kat’s place here.

Instead of letting go, she goes even further beyond her place, pushing the boundaries of my patience. “She is a petulant child. She’s a scandal. She…”

“Moira!” I bark, cutting her off, that is more than enough. “She will be my wife before the sun sets. It is time she was given the respect due to her. I will tolerate nothing else. Is that understood?”

The choice is her’s to make. She gains control of herself, casting her gaze downward, returning to the dutiful servant. “Very well, Sir. I will go see to her.” She turns and leaves without another word. I am relieved she chose her position over her opinions. She’s been thorny about Kat from the start, but she does keep the household running smoothly, and it would be a tough task to replace her.

Kat burst through the door not long after she leaves, eyes telling me my message was relayed in a less than pleasant manner. She looks remarkably well given the events of last night. Does she remember what was said between us? “Satisfied? The Magistrate hasn’t arrived yet and you felt the need to send her to fetch me.” She doesn’t have her hair up and it’s become a messy scarlet halo around her, very fetching.

Ah, but now she’s mad at me. “I didn’t want us getting delayed. And please, learn to get along with Moira, you’ll need her when I’m gone.” I catch her hands just as she starts to make an angry gesture. “I know, I’ll speak with her before I leave.” I make note that she’s wearing an entirely new dress, emerald green trimmed in ebony. It exudes a sense of softness that’s out of the ordinary for her, an almost ethereal quality. Its meaning doesn’t escape me, it’s her wedding dress, she chose it specifically for today. Before now I could likely count on my one hand the number of times I have felt guilt for my actions, and now it threatens to devour me. None of this is properly done. “You look exquisite, it brings out your eyes.” I kiss her cheek, still holding her hands in mine.

I’ve stolen her momentum and I can watch as she gives up on her annoyance. “Thanks.” She smiles that slight, almost shy smile that tells me a compliment has truly pleased her. “Fine, I’ll try.” She concedes and returns my kiss.

“There’s something I wanted to show you before the Magistrate arrives.” She lets me lead her to the table where I pause for a moment, suddenly doubtful this idea will appeal to her. After a moment’s hesitation, I hand her the box, still unsure. “I thought they would make it a little more official.”

She lifts the lid and I await her judgment. “Really? You didn’t have to go through the trouble.” She sounds pleased and I can finally breathe. Excitedly she plucks hers out from the box and slips it onto her left finger. She stares at it for a moment before pulling it off to move to her right. “So we match.” My throat goes dry.

At last, the tapping at the door as the Magistrate announces himself relieves the situation. A slight little man, drowning in his robes of office, he shuffles in with no pomp about him. He’s almost a comical sight, but he’s known for his discretion. I am not strictly trying to keep this secret, but also I do not want my personal life to be a public spectacle. Not that we’ve ever managed to avoid that before now. He inclines his head toward me. “Good evening Grand General.” He turns to Kat, offering her the same respect. “Madame. I understand you wish for brevity, I will review your documents quickly and then we will begin.”

“You’ll find everything in order.” I gesture to the small pile that awaits him on the table; Soreana’s hard bought permission, a family lineage guaranteeing we are not too closely related, and our personal financial arrangement. He’s only been at it a minute or so before Kat is looking restless. I take my place next to her and wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her close. “You will never learn patience, will you?” I lean down and whisper in her ear.

“It took you this long to realize that? So much for all that vision.” She nips my earlobe temptingly as she whispers back at me.

“Hmm, my vision is showing me having to teach my wife a little discipline later.” She bites her lip and shivers a bite. Let that thought sit with her.

“All seems to be adequately in order.” He lifts his gaze from the papers before him. “Shall we begin?”

“With all haste.” Kat and I turn to face one another and without thinking I reach to take her hands. Looking into her eyes, I’m unsettled all over again about this, but there’s no stopping what I’ve started.

“Absolutely. Do you, Jericho Swain, pledge your troth to Katarina and wherefore you shall bring her into your home as your true and only wife?”

“I so swear it.” I give her hands in mine a small squeeze. She does deserve more than this hurried, barely thought out, covert sham. How did it come to this? Again that guilt I cannot seem to shrug off, it could have been different.

“Do you, Katarina Du Couteau, pledge your troth to Jericho and wherefore you join yourself with him as your true and only husband?”

My breath holds still in the silence that follows. “I so swear it.”

He gestures at the box still open before us. “You may exchange rings if you wish.”

I gingerly take Kat’s from the box and place it on her proffered finger. The sleeve of her dress slides down her wrist and I’m confronted with that faded handprint that still mars her pale skin, a reminder of my other sins. I relive that night so often; that fear she tried to hide, but her eyes exposed. “You’re hurting me!” I shamefully lost control of the demon and worse could have happened. Have I kept my promise to do better?

Wordlessly she takes her turn, slipping my ring on and giving me a small smile. I should make this up to her, this whole stupid debacle. Mayhaps I should even let her go, at last, to give her the freedom I promised her. Once I’ve put down this rebellion and come home.

“I now declare you…” He’s cut off as Kat ambushes me with an eager kiss, teasing me with her tongue slipping into my mouth. He clears his throat. “Your signatures if you please.”

With ink applied to parchment, we’re officially wed, and it still does not sit right with me. The Magistrate briskly packs and with a final inclination of his head takes his leave. The door’s hardly shut behind him and Kat wraps herself around me. “We should go upstairs and celebrate, husband.”

I fear I will be undone by that word on her lips. I crush her against me and bury my face in her neck, digging my teeth into her skin to urge on those sweet little noises she makes. “If that is what my wife desires.”

I don’t give her time to answer but catch her up in my arms and sweep her off her feet, kissing her again. The sound of yet another tap at the door irritatingly interrupts us. “Yes.” I grind out, reluctantly setting Kat back down.

Moira at least has the decency to look apologetic. “I beg your pardon for the interruption, Sir, Madame, but there has been a delivery.” I gesture impatiently for her to be out with it. She hesitantly holds forth a note. “Madame Du Couteau has sent a wedding gift. You had best come and see.”

“What did she do?” Kat snaps, charging out of the room followed closely by Moira who valiantly tries to calm the storm. Dread filling me for whatever stunt Soreana has conjured up, I trail them.

Up ahead in the great hall, Kat lets out a yelp of surprise and that speeds me along. Coming out of the hallway I find her kneeling on the stone floor, Moira and another servant around her. “Aren’t you a sweet baby?” She coos to something in her arms that is hidden from me. I reach her side and, gods help me, it’s a drake hound pup. I despise drake hounds, they are noisy, ill-tempered, stubborn beasts.

The leathery skinned pup wriggles about even more at her words, black tongue lapping at her face. “You are precious.” Finally, she turns her gaze up to me as if just noticing my presence. “Look, Jericho, mother sent me one of her pups. It seems strangely kind of her.” Hardly, I’ve made no secret of disdain for them, Soreana likely knows of it. She stares down at the little fiend in her arms, enchanted.

“Kat, you know the amount of work that goes into the keeping a drake hound.” She needs to see sense on this matter.

“Obviously, I grew up with them.” She continues to blithely snuggle it.

“I don’t think…” How am I to put this to her?

The elation visibly drains from her. I am going to utterly ruin our wedding day all thanks to her miserable bitch of a mother. “I know, I can’t keep her. She’s too much work and she’ll make a mess of the house.” She pouts, not the dramatic playful pout I know so well, but with real dejection. “I just want your promise that she will be properly trained. If it would mean that much to you, you should keep her.” It very near causes me physical pain to say that.

Her mood brightens back up instantly. “You mean it?” I nod, fearing I won’t be able to make the words leave my mouth. She leaps to her feet, still cradling it. “Thank you.” I’m rewarded with a quick kiss and then the beast is abruptly thrust into my arms. “You two should get acquainted, scent is how they bond with their pack.”

Despite my instincts, I hold fast to prevent the squirming mass from dropping to the floor. “Just don’t let her chase Bea. She’ll have to adjust as is.” It continues to scrabble around, whimpering until Kat thankfully relieves me of it.

“Let’s get you settled in upstairs where I can keep an eye on you.” If I believed in gods I would tell you they had truly abandoned me. She heads for the stairs and turns back when she realizes I haven’t followed. “Are you coming? I still intend to have that celebration with you.”

“Right behind you.” I hurry behind her. I suppose if nothing else, I’ve done at least one thing today that made her happy.

#katarina #swain #swain x katarina #League of Legends #league of legends fanfction #the blade's edge

6 notes · View notes

fortunatelylori · 6 years ago

Text

Rage-kitten Jon time

*this meta includes graphic depictions of violence. Redear discretion is advised

A while back, during a conversation with @kitten1618x, she asked me to talk about the rage-kitten Jon scenes. I’ve been pretty busy the past few weeks so I didn’t manage to get to it earlier but … a tumblr always pays her debts.

Here is the original message:

I would love to hear your take on the rage-kitten jon scenes: especially the one in the crypts, as it really did nothing to further the narrative if Jon is just a “protective big bro” (the audience already knows this) and the beach scene with Theon.

I’ve already discussed the Theon scene in my “Why the romance between Jon/D*ny doesn’t work” series so this time around we will be talking about the crypt scene between Jon and Littlefinger.

However, in addition to that, we will also be taking a trip down memory lane to that most satisfying and heartwarming of moments in season 6 when Jon beat the living crap out of Ramsay Beelzebub Bolton.

That is because these two scenes are inextricably linked in my mind and together set up and support the romantic undertone that permeates all of the Jon/Sansa scenes.

Bear with me … I have receipts.

After the season finale, when I re-watched both season 6 and 7, I came back to these two scenes time and time again. The way Jon walks over to Ramsay, stone faced, murderous anger bubbling beneath the surface, the way his face twitches when LF says he loves Sansa as he loved Catelyn ... I was struck every time by just how certain I was that I had seen this before somewhere and how romantic motivation popped into my head every single time I watched them.

And then, one fine day, it finally dawned on me. I HAD seen this before, hundreds of times. Twice a year, in fact, from the time I was about 12.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the one … the only … possibly my favorite film of all times …

Now, if you have not seen Goodfellas, what the hell have you been doing with your life? I mean it! Got watch it right now!

For those of you who have seen it … it’s brilliant, right? Now that I’ve mentioned it, don’t you want to go back and watch it again? I know I do. I just looooove watching Joe Pesci violently murder people. What can I say? I’m a romantic, like that …

That being said, I see you all scratching your heads thinking what the hell Goodfellas has to do with rage-kitten Jon. So please indulge me in an experiment and look at the scene where Henry finds out that his girlfriend, Karen, was sexually assaulted by one of her neighbors:

youtube

I think you can see the basic gist of what I am talking about but let’s analyze the similarities more in detail. I’ll probably only ever going to get one chance to talk about Goodfellas and Game of thrones in the same meta. You can bet your last dollar I’m going to milk it for what it’s worth!

The “Jon makes all of our dreams come true” scene:

youtube

The first beat that is eerily similar is the slow walk both Henry and Jon do towards their opponent. Even their expression is about the same which is … they have no expression. Their entire focus is on what’s in front of them:

The stone face in cinema is always a telltale of someone going in for the kill. Both Bruce and Ramsay are goners. They just don’t know it yet.

Then there’s the actual fight … I mean, it’s not really a fight … it’s quite frankly a down and dirty whooping that both Jon and Henry dish out, complete with the both of them throwing their opponent to the ground:

This has nothing to do with the meta, but every time I watch this beat I laugh thinking of people saying how shockingly revolutionary violence in GOT is. Scorsese was doing long before them and, quite frankly, doing it better. There’s not one cut in that whole beat. You’re essentially a prisoner of the camera.

The other thing these two scenes have in common is a bit more subtle and requires a larger view of both these characters. Because leaving aside the different time periods, dragons and wardrobes, what both these scenes show us is the violence that these men are capable of.

In Goodfellas, up until this point, the audience has seen Henry as the hero, the good guy. We’ve been lulled into liking him because of his charm, good looks and intelligence and also because he’s always surrounded by psychopaths that kill and hurt people on a whim while he’s stuck being the voice of reason.

So just when we’ve become comfortable with this interpretation of the character, Scorsese gives us 10 veeery loooong and veeery painful seconds of Henry’s unhinged brutality. We can’t hide away from the truth anymore: he’s a thug just like the rest of his “associates”.

The GOT scene is less elegant in its message and perhaps a bit less effective but it essentially tells us the same thing. Jon has been dabbling with violence ever since he left home but we have never seen him be so brutal or so out of control with anyone. Now we know that if you push him hard enough, you’ll find the monster hidden beneath. The fact that it’s Sansa that sparks this revelation, just as Karen does for Henry, is just icing on the cake, really.

The other intriguing thing is that both these scenes end with a relationship set-up between Henry and Karen, as well as Jon and Sansa.

In Goodfellas, this is a patently negative and foreboding event. Henry and Karen have been established as the young, attractive and in love couple, strolling around town and going to the Copacabana for drinks, wearing the latest fashions. But in this scene Henry hands her the gun he’s just used to bash a man’s face in and asks her to hide it. When she accepts, she becomes his accomplice. And that dynamic pays off throughout the rest of the film, as we see Karen smuggle illegal drugs for Henry in prison, accompany him to meet Colombian cartels and flush drugs down toilets as the police descends on their house.

In GOT, the implications of this scene are far more positive. Because Jon does the exact opposite to what Henry does. Far from making Sansa an accomplice to his violent tendencies, he stops himself when she shows up because he doesn’t want her to see him as a monster.

As other Jonsa fans have already mentioned, the creators here employ the “calm to his storm” trope and that’s a very potent storytelling device. Because love is a powerful emotion that can make us behave in extreme ways, both good and bad. But at its best, love compels us to be better, not worse. And that’s what Sansa does for Jon in this scene. She reminds him of his inherent humanity. And that’s pretty damn beautiful.

However, I don’t think we’ve really gotten a proper pay off of this trope and the dynamic that it establishes between these two characters. I suppose you could argue that the battlement scene does that by having Sansa apologize for keeping Jon in the dark about the Knights of the Vale and they end up resolving their trust issues.

Except that season 7 shows us a Jon and Sansa that are still struggling with their relationship, the two of them still sending each other mixed signals and we never get a proper explanation as to what makes them clash as they do.

Add to that the Theon scene where once again the “calm to his storm” trope is brought to the fore and this whole confusing dynamic between them feels like a dangling plot thread that needs to be addressed in season 8.

The “Non-platonic thoughts about Sansa are not allowed in Jon’s presence” scene:

youtube

The obvious thing that this scene and the Goodfellas scene have in common is the dialogue. So let’s talk about that. You all know how attached I am to my dialogue:

Henry: I swear on my fucking mother, if you touch her again, you’re dead!

Jon: Touch my sister and I’ll kill you myself.

Now, Henry is a little more verbose and he does take his own mother’s name in vain but you know … he’s half Irish and half Italian. It sort of comes with the territory. But the message is clear: Touch Karen/Sansa and Henry/Jon will kill you.

This phrase of: touch … and I’ll kill you is used a great deal in dialogue for both visual and written storytelling but the important common thread here is the sexual context in which they are both used.

Bruce, Karen’s neighbor, is beaten up by Henry because he tried to rape Karen. So “touch” in that context is unquestioningly sexual in nature.

The Jon/LF is even more loaded because Littlefinger hasn’t actually done anything as terrible to Sansa. Sure, his longing stares, double-entendres and creepy kisses are more than a little problematic, but they’re not in the same league as what Bruce did to Karen. And yet, just the thought that Littlefinger might approach Sansa in that way and that he might touch her in a sexual manner, drives Jon mad.

Also, as others have mentioned, Littlefinger prods and twists Jon for quite some time until he snaps. He talks about his father’s bones, his love for his father’s wife and even brings up Catelyn’s dislike for him, something that probably bothers Jon even more than being called a bastard. And yet, even though it’s clear that Jon doesn’t like LF, he still manages to keep his emotions in check.

The moment he starts losing it this:

Littlefinger: If it weren’t for me, you would have been slaughtered on that battlefield.

Now, people simply take it for granted that Jon dislikes Littlefinger because of what LF has done to his family. But Jon doesn’t know most of what LF has done. He actually doesn’t know much of anything about him. Except this:

Jon: You told me he sold you to the Boltons.

Sansa: He did.

Jon: Do you trust him?

Sansa: Only a fool would trust Littlefinger.

So his sole reason for disliking this man is because of what he did to Sansa. I would suggest that LF bringing up the Battle of the Bastards is yet another reminder for Jon that she had to bring this man there in order to save him.

But then LF, in his desire to find what moves his enemy, ups the ante and boy, does he find out what moves Jon Snow:

And this where that feeling of familiarity strikes me again. I don’t know if Kit Harrington went to the Liotta school of seething rage, but these two facial expressions look very similar to me:

Kit should totally take, at least, the expression class at the Liotta school by the way. No one does crazy, out of my mind psychopathy quite like good ol’ Ray.

The last thing we need to address is the reason why this scene is even included. Unlike the mirror scene in season 1 where Ned chocked LF, where the resolution was LF’s betrayal, there is no direct pay-off to this scene and there never will be. LF is dead and his downfall has nothing to do with Jon.

As @kitten1618x pointed out in her message, it can’t be to show us that Jon is protective of Sansa. That was already established in season 6. We’ve seen him beat Ramsay to a pulp and we’ve also been given this gem:

Jon: I will never let him touch you again. I’ll protect you. I promise!

We’re also going to be given a fresh dose of that in his scene with Tyrion.

There’s just so much of the “Jon is an overprotective older brother who protects his totally platonic but in need of protection sister” shtick we can watch before we start questioning exactly why Jon is so invested in who “touches” Sansa.

I would argue that, considering basic scriptwriting structure as well as the pattern that is established between Jon and the men in Sansa’s life, the pay-off to the Jon/LF scene will come in season 8 and it will have nothing to do with LF and everything to do with the Jon/Sansa dynamic.

PS: I call dibs on red for the wedding. It’s my favorite color, you guys! You have to give me that!

* none of the GOT gifs belong to me.

#my got meta #jonsa #jon x sansa meta #jon snow #sansa stark #goodfellas #littlefinger #jonsa meta

323 notes · View notes

where-theres-smoak-2 · 6 years ago

Text

GOT 8X05 REVIEW

I feel like this episode was the Marmite of Game of Thrones, you either loved it or you hated it. Me? I did love it. I mean there are some things I had an issue with but as an overall episode I thought it was a good watch. For some reason I keep finding myself in this position where the majority of people hate an episode but I like it but there you go. As I said before these are just my own thoughts and feelings and I have no issues with anyone else having a different opinion or feeling differently about the episode everyone is entitled to their own feelings and I’m not here to judge or tell someone they’re wrong for feeling a particular way. I respect other peoples opinions as I would hope they respect mine. But anyway if you would like to know what I thought about the episode continue reading again it is very long so fair warning and obviously there are spoilers.

Dany’s Decision

So I’m going to start with Dany as I feel like that was the thing most people seemed to have the strongest feelings over. Again unpopular opinion here but I personally didn’t have an issue with her actions, ok I’ve worded that badly obviously I didn’t enjoy watching her burn thousands of people alive but I had no issue with how it was written. Mostly because it made sense to me, I understood her motive and her thought process in that moment (it might also have been influenced by the fact that I’ve been waiting for ehr to go Mad Queen ever since season 3 so instead of feeling sudden to me it actaully flet long overdue). The best way for me to explain why it made sense to me is by walking through Dany’s storyline this episode in particular. I think the key to understanding her actions is understanding the state of mind she’s in at that moment. If we start at the beginning of the episode and how we find Dany. For us the audience only an episode has passed but for Dany and the other characters its been at least 2 weeks. We know this because Tyrion told Dany last episode that Jon and his men were a fortnite away and Jon arrived this episode. That means that for two weeks now Dany has locked herself in a room by herself, she’s completely isolated herself and has refused any food. She’s had two weeks of grieving and missing Missandei. I feel like during those two weeks her mind has unravelled and she’s now essentially just a shell of who she used to be. Which is made obvious when we next see her and her hair is unbraided and unkempt and she’s pale and has such a hollow look in her eyes, I mean hats off to Emilia because her acting this episode is her best so far in my opinion I brought everything she was selling.I know alot of people said that Dany just snapped when the bells rang but in my opinion she was broken long before that moment she was broken from the very beginning of this episode. I do think Dany at this earlier point in the episode is in a very deep depressive state which is understandable given everything she’s gone through so far. She’s put a wall up and has hidden all her feelings behind it as a way of coping with all she’s lost so now she just feels hollow and empty. I think this hollow feeling is shown most when she learns of Varys’ betrayal and has little reaction to it, as she says to Tyrion it doesn’t matter anymore. I mean if you compare her reaction to how she reacted when others betrayed her like Doreah and Jorah she was furious and heartbroken and you could see this written all over her face. But with Varys although she displays a little anger she doesn’t have much of a reaction at all because all of her feelings are muted right now.

Again when she actually executes Varys she displays little emotion. She doesn’t get angry at him or sad, she doesn’t cry or yell she just calmly sentences him to death. If you look at her reaction to the situation compared to others there is a huge difference. Tyrion is naturally very upset by the entire thing as Varys is his friend and Tyrion feels guilt over betraying him. But even Jon looks uncomfortable by it, even he displays some kind of emotion despite not knowing Varys very well and yet Dany shows no emotion at all. Again another side note here but I am curious about Varys putting his rings in that cup next to the pot in which he burnt the note. I do wonder if that is some kind of clue that will allow one of his little birds to find the note and take it to someone who will get the word out about Jon. The note might not have burned all the way as Varys put the lid on which might have doused the flames. Well only time will tell.

Then we get that scene with Jon by the fireplace. Here we have a slight shift is Dany’s demeanour. As a quick side note I think its interesting that Dany sees Jon telling Sansa and Arya as a betrayal, it’s like she’s mad at him for not loving her more than his sisters. I think this is in large part because she never experienced that loving brother/ sister relationship herself. Her own brother was abusive towards her and never really gave her that love or trust that Jon and his own siblings have so she doesn’t understand why Jon would trust his sisters like that when all she knew from her own brother was betrayal. But anyway getting back on track I think during this scene we see a little crack in Dany’s wall and she does display some vunerability and emotion. My heart broke for her when she made that speech about how she has no love here only fear. I think it started to dawn on her last episode at the feast and that feeling of isolation and loneliness has only grown and on top of that she’s got the grief of losing both Misaandei and Jorah. Some of her emotions creep through and we see tears in her eyes and the pain and grief on her face. It’s around Jon these feelings come out a little and she seeks comfort from him, seeks love. Unfortunately Jon is unable to give her what she needs. He to is struggling with his emotions and feelings and isn’t in the greatest frame of mind himself. He had a different upbringing from her and while she doesn’t care that he’s her nephew he is struggling with the fact that she’s his aunt. It no longer feels right to him and he just can’t love her the same anymore. I do think that if Jon had been able to return Dany’s feelings then the following events could have been avoided but instead we see Dany throw that wall back up again only this time she is completely isolated from everyone. Jon was her last link to her humanity and in that moment its severed.

Which brings us to the next scene in the episode with Tyrion in the throne room. What’s important about this scene is that it starts with Tyrion trying to remind Dany that the people in Kings Landing are not her enemies. This is important because it tells us that Dany has forgotten this, you don’t need to remind someone of something unless they’ve forgotten it. The other part that is important is Dany’s respose to Tyrion saying that they were no different from the people of Meeren. Because she does see them as different from the people of Meeren. The people of Meeren turned on the Masters when they saw Dany arrive. They rejoiced her arrival, they gave her their love. The people of Kings Landing did not. They turned to Cersei for protection, they only gave Dany their fear. One of the biggest things I saw people having an issue with is that Dany would never kill the innocent. In some ways thats true she has often been the protector of the innocent or rather the protector of those she believes to be innocent. Because lets be honest this isn’t the first time Dany has killed someone who was innocent, she just believed that they weren’t and so believed she was in the right to kill them. Two examples of this are when she crucified Hizdar zo Loraq’s father only to later learn that he had spoken out against crucifixation himself and wasn’t what Dany believed him to be and then when she executed Dickon Tarly. Who again was just a stupid kid who was standing by his father. Both were innocent and yet on both occasion Dany believed them to be bad people and her enemies. This is important because to understand Dany’s actions you need to look at it through her eyes and in my opinion she didn’t look down at the people of Kings Landing and see innocent people. We the audience knew they were innocent but she saw them as her enemies and so believed she was in the right and her actions were correct. She’s spent her whole life being told that Westeros is her home and the people were eagarly awaiting her return, she came here expecting people to love her and rejoice at her arrival but instead she was met by fear and treated as a foreigner and an outsider.

There’s also the part where she talks about how she’s securing freedom for the future generations. I think this is important because I also believe that to some extent on top of seeing them as her enemies she sees them as collateral damage. Like she’s thinking ok if I kill/sacrifice these people (who are my enemies anyway because they’ve sided with Cersei) then I’ll save more lives in the future. It’s this idea of sacrificing the few to save the many. Another thing worth noting in this scene is once again Dany is displaying very little emotion even when she tells Tyrion that Jaime has been captured and threatens him. Also I do feel like at this point Dany is seeing enemies everywhere. She doesn’t trust anyone, Jon has betrayed her, Varys has betrayed her, Tyrion betrayed her when he spoke to Varys before her, Sansa has betrayed her by telling Tyrion, Jaime has betrayed her by going back to Cersei, the people of Kings Landing have betrayed her by siding with Cersei. In some cases she’s right but in others its irrational to be thinking like that but it doesn’t matter anymore because her mind is already broken.

And so we’ve reached that pivotal moment where she is sitting on Drogon upon the wall and the bells are ringing out across the city. This is the moment the gods throw that coin and we all held our breaths to see where is would land. This is also the moment when Dany begins the final arc of her story. All of characters are now at the end of their stories. Some of them have already began their final arcs, some are at the end of their final arcs but in my opinion this is the moment that Dany’s begins. And in this moment both we as an audience and Dany look back on her journey that has brought her to this moment. I mean lets put ourselves in her shoes for a moment. When those bells rang she got everything she ever wanted, the thing she wanted most that she’s been working towards for 8 seasons, the Iron Throne is hers. In this moment though I was reminded of that quote that Tyrion said to Cersei ‘a day will come when you think yourself safe and happy and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.’ Dany has always wanted the throne and I think a huge part of that is the desire to feel safe to be happy in the home that was stolen from her. This moment should be the happiest moment of her life, she should feel joy and she might’ve for a split second but then that joy turns to ashes in her mouth because as much as this is what she always wanted she never wanted it like this. She’s reached the end of her journey, she’s won her prize but when she looks back at all she’s gone through and all she’s lost she realises the prize was not worth the price. It’s a hollow prize. She has been beaten and raped, betrayed by her closest companions, lost her husband, her children, her friends and now she finds herself with a throne but nothing else. Those she loved most were all taken from her. Now think back to the season 1 finale she tells the Dothraki exactly what she will do to those who hurt the people she cares about ‘those who would harm you will die screaming.’ Then later when she is outside of Qarth she tells them "we will take back what was stolen from me and destroy those who have wronged me. We will lay waste to armies and burn cities to the ground." And as she thinks back on all of this suddenly all of those emotions she’s been holding in come flooding out. The grief, the pain and overshadowing everything else the anger. It’s in that moment that she realises it’s not enough, the Iron Throne no longer means anything to her what she really wants is revenge and so every promise shes made through out the series comes true and she takes what is her in fire and in blood. She takes all of that anger out on the city. Also I do want to say that Emilia did an amazing job in that moment. I mentioned above that I think she did some of her best work in this episode but that moment when she was looking across the city and you could see all those emotions rolling across her face gave me chills. She looked devastatingly beautiful.

When you think about Dany’s journey it really is one of tragedy. She lost at least 8 of those closest to her, at least 5 people have betrayed her, the man she loves turns out to be her nephew and also could be the one to take everything she’s ever wanted away from her. She spent her whole life wanting to return home only to realise when she got there that she didn’t belong there after all. And at the end of it all she’s left completely alone and unloved as she said all she has left is fear. Another thing I think is important to remember about Dany’s character is that she’s never been one to shy away from violence. Her entire stiryline has been littered with her burning and killing others. And yes this is the same of many characters in Game of Thrones but the thing with Dany is she seems to take some kind of enjoyment out of killing her enemies. If you take her reaction to killing and compare it to Jon for example. While Dany enjoys killing those who wronged her Jon struggled with killing his own murderers. Jon has never particularly enjoyed killing anyone. And so because of all of this combined to me her actions made perfect sense and in my opinion very much in line with her character. I think her story was very well written and I look forward to see where it goes in the next episode.

Jaime and Cersei

Now I did say that there were a couple of things I had an issue with in this episode and the biggest of those was Jaime’s arc. In fact I’m very conflicted about how I feel about this one which is why it took me so long to get this review out I was mulling it all over and trying to figure out how I felt about it. When Jaime left at the end of episode 4 I was so sure he was going to kill Cersei I was also sure that was what I wanted to see. But as you all know that didn’t happen. He really was just going back to Cersei and to be honest at the time that the episode aired I was p*ssed about this. I thought it was all really stupid and I didn’t understand anything about Jaime’s storyline in this episode. I thought his fight with Euron was stupid, I thought him returning to Cersei was stupid and I thought his death was stupid and I was very angry about it for days. But this is where the conflicted part comes in. As time went on I began to think more about it and I realised that I don’t think I really did want him to kill Cersei just because she’s pregnant with his child and I feel like having him kill a woman who is pregnant with his child would be as big of a betrayal of his redemption arc and his character.

That being said I’m still not satisfied with how it all ended for him. I mean I get what they were going for with it, it’s this idea that not everyone gets their redemption. And yes I get that it comes from the fact that while we can see that Jaime is a good man who has come a long way and deserves a redemption act and an epically heroic death Jaime himself does not. He doesn’t think he’s a good man in fact he thinks he’s a hateful person and he decides that Cersei is what he wants after all. And yes I can appreciate the poetry of them meeting again after their separation in the same place as where he left her. I didn’t hate every single moment they had in fact there were some parts of their storyline that I loved. That moment when they were reunited I thought was very well done and written. But the one scene that really got to me was their last one. I mean I teared up and got very emotional when Cersei said ‘I want our baby to live.’ To me that scene was soo well acted by Lena I mean I actually felt sorry for Cersei. These were her final moments and in those moments she was the most human we’ve seen her, I think the most vunerable to. It’s been said over and over again throughout the series that Cersei’s one redeeming quality was her love for her children and that really comes through in that moment. She was just a mother who wanted her child to live and she knew that wasn’t going to happen and seeing that devastation Cersei was feeling was heartbreaking to me. That was superb writing, to make the audience feel sympathy for a character who up until this point was one of the most hated characters on the show. The writing for that scene was great Lena’s acting was off the charts and in some ways I was glad Jaime was there with her and their child at the end. I wanted to feel joyous about her death, to be celebrating and instead I felt her pain and fear and I fpound myself hoping she would find a way out of it and that her child would get to live and I never thought I’d be hoping for Cersei to live.

And yet there was still something about Jaime’s storyline that left a bad taste in my mouth. While I was ok with Cersei’s part and her actions which all seemed in line with her character I wasn’t satisfied with Jaime. The thing is there is one thing they could have done to make me happy with everything he did in this episode. And that is if they had shifted the focus onto their child as oppose to Cersei. If they had him say he wanted to save his child and it just happened to be that in order to do that he had to safe Cersei too. Like his main goal was making sure the baby lived I would have been good with it. Because then he’s a father trying to protect his child. They could still have kept everything the same in the episode, him sneaking into Kings Landing, his fight with Euron, him finding Cersei and trying to get her out so they can start a new life together and ultimately failing and dying in the tunnels. But with the focus on him trying to save his child it wouldn’t have ruined his character development and in a way it still would have been a redemption arc, he would have died trying to protect an innocent life. Bonus points if he had also got there in time to persuade Cersei to surrender to Dany in an attempt to protect the people of Kings Landing.

However by having him go back purely for Cersei I do feel like they threw Jaime’s character development out of the window harder than he threw Bran out back in season 1. Only they did a better job than Jaime because unlike Bran Jaime’s arc was well and truly murdered. Ok that might be a little harsh but I do feel like it could have been improved. The thing is it could so easily have been fixed by just having a little more put into it. If we had a few scenes showing Jaime feeling conflicted. Like maybe in that scene with Tyrion when he says Jaime knew exactly who Cersei was but he loved her anyway Jaime could have said something along the lines of I miss her and sometimes I wonder if I should have left her, maybe I belong with her. It would have shown us he was conflicted. Then it would have had the audience wondering who he was going to choose, would he stay with Brienne or go back to Cersei? Instead everyone was completely blindsided by his decision to go back to Cersei because he had barely mentioned her since leaving. He had been all about Brienne from the moment he showed up in Winterfell right up until the moment he left.

I do still think that his fight with Euron was stupid. Like the fight itself was fine, it was tense and kept me on the edge of my seat, it was well choeregraphed. But I was confused by the premise of it or how it fit in with the storyline. Like what was the point of it, I didn’t even really get why they were fighting or what they were fighting over. Was it over Cersei? Was it just because they didn’t like each other? It just didn’t make sense to me. I’d have preferred if Yara had shown up and we had that fight between them.

Now the thing is I’m not sure if its just bad writing or whether I’m just bitter because it’s not what I wanted for Jaime. Like I said there were some parts that I thought were great and as an overall stroy arc I really enjoyed watching Jaime’s. It’s been entertaining to see him go from this prissy prince charming who was way to cocky for his own good to an honourable man who had complex layers. The tragedy of Jaime’s story is that although he got close he was never truly able to escape Cersei and in the end she was his desturction. I do think that she was always going to be his undoing. But as I said if it had been written with a bit more care it would have worked, I’d have understood it and it would have had more of an impact but ultimately I was just left feeling angry and wishing for what could have been.

The Sacking of Kings Landing

However you felt about Dany’s decision you can’t deny that these scenes were visually spectacular as well as gut wrenching. I do think it was a very clever choice to not show anything from Dany’s prespective again, it was all from down in the streets. It put us the audience in the same space as the civilians who were having to live this horror. These scenes really did remind me of the Sacking of Troy like I could see so many similarities and I remember the first time I watched the film Troy and how emotional I got over those scenes and I defintely got the same emotions when watching these scenes. Just that disbelieve of what you are watching, mixed with the horror and the sorrow and even anger at the men who are terrorising these innocent people.

I wasn’t at all surprised by Grey Worm’s and co’s actions. Horrified yes but not surprised. He has had this anger brewing up for the last two weeks over what happened to Missandei. Similarly to Dany I think this was the moment it all came out. As for the Northmen again I didn’t find it surprising. We’ve scene Stark men behave this way before. When Brienne was transporting Jaime they came across Stark men who had killed and hung three women because they had laid with Lannister men. I think their actions were best explained by Jorah way back in season 3 and he says ‘there’s a beast inside every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand.’ In this scene he also gives us more foreshadowing, firstly when he asked Barristan if he had ‘ever seen a war where innocents did not die by the thousands.’ and then again when he talks about the first Sacking of Kings Landing when he says he saw ‘butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you could count.’ I’ve said over and over again that the Game of Thrones series works through parallels and circles and history repeating itself. This was the writers telling us exactly what was going to happen to Kings Landing. It also served to show how war effects not just the soldiers who can be over taken by bloodlust but the innocent civilians who get caught in the middle of it all.

One of the more heart wrentching things for me was seeing Jon’s reaction to it all. Jon has seen battles before but he’s never seen anything like this. His own men became the bad guys. It really hit me to see him desperately trying to stop it and just not being able to. He tries everything, he yells at his men to stop but that fails, he even ends up killing one of his men. Seeing that denial and disbelief as he looks around at all the carnage just pulled at my heart strings. I do think it was quite smart of him to yell retreat and fall back to get his men to stop. He play into their fear and puts it into their heads of we need to leave now or we’re going to die. Which you know was right the city was literally falling down at that point but his men did stop and they did retreat. But I do think this is going to have a very deep effect on Jon, it was one thing to see the woman he loves burn the city down it was another to see the Northmen behave that way, especially when he’s held them in such high regard, we’ve always seen the Northmen as the good guys and as having more honour so to see that questioned is terrifying and very upsetting. I said that I have a theory that Jon will go and join the Wildlings North of the Wall at the end of the series and I actually am even more certain of this now, I really do think this had done a number on Jon and really messed him up.

But the most heart-wrenching moments in this episode were seeing the people siffering through this nightmare. Watching children being burned and seeing buildings falling down on people. But the moment that really made me cry was seeing those people in the street cradling their loved ones who were either already dead or were severely injured with burns and missing limbs and hearing them cry and scream. It messed me up a little. I had to take a few moments to get myself together again. It really did show you the horrors of war. I’m not even sure I’ve really got the words to convey how strongly those moments made me feel. But I said above that this was one of the most visually spectacular episodes and alot of that was shown by the destruction of the city. It was horrifying and yet I could not take my eyes off of the screen. Seeing part of the red Keep fall down into the sea, just crumbling away. Or when the dragon fire literally dissolved buildings. Also as gruesome as it was seeing the charred bodies of the victims. It all looked incredibly realistic.

One last note on this part is the music. As always Ramin Djawadi is a genius. I could spend the rest of my life listening to his score for Game of Thrones. But in particular when you had that slow build with the pulsing in the background like a heartbeat. I mean the while score was amazing but that part in particular stands out in my mind. It almost sounded like the kind of music you’d get in a horror movie.

Tyrion

Ah my poor Tyrion. He has long been one of my favourites but this episode reminded me why. He always tries to do whats right. The last time he was in Kings Landing the people were pretty much cheering for his head and yet despite that he tries everything he can to save them. I do have my issues with him betraying Varys but at the same time I understand that he was trying to do what he thought was right. He clearly didn’t make the decision lightly and was deeply effected by it, That scene with him saying goodbye to Varys showed how much Tyrion really does care.

Also that scene where he lets Jaime go and says goodbye to him. My gosh it was another case of truly amazing acting. There were so many moments in that scene that made me cry and also reminded me of why I love Tyrion so much. When he told Jaime that he was the only one who didn’t treat him like a monster and how he never would have survived his childhood without him really made me appreciate the bond between these two brothers. It was so sad to watch them say goddbye and that hug my poor heart. But the line that got my the most that just made me have so much respect for Tyrion was when he said ‘tens of thousands of innocent lives, one not particularly innocent dwarf, seems like a fair trade’. It really showed how much he cares about the people and the saddest part is that they probably wouldn’t give two hoots if Tyrion were to be killed.

I will admit I am very nervous for Tyrion. I don’t think Dany is going to take too kindly to Tyrion letting Jaime go. The most frustrating part is that Tyrion technically didn’t fail Dany again. He assured her that the people would ring the bells and surrender and then he tried to do everything he could to make sire that happened with minimal bloodshed. And he succeeded. The city surrendered and it was with little bloodshed it was Dany who then went coastal and started burning everything in sight. Yet it is Tyrion who will possibly pay the price. I really hope they don’t kill him next episode. But I am very nervous.

Clegane Bowl

This was just epic. I loved everything about this scene. From the Mountain killing Qyburn to Cersei just peacing out and getting out of there as quickly as possible to the fight itself. Also the location was perfect. That stairway that’s just crumbling away and now leads nowhere. You know that there’s nowhere for either of them to run, this ends here and it ends now. Also that shot of the dragon fire and then Drogon flying over the top was soo cool. Over the top? Probably but I didn’t care I still loved it. I also loved how gritty it was. How it built as well. It started out with the swords but they got closer and closer until eventually it was bare hands, tooth, nails and daggers.

I also loved the throwbacks with the Mountain trying to crush the Hound’s skull the same way he did Oberyn, also the dagger through the eye which is a throwback to two things one is Jory in season 1 who got stabbed through the eye by Jaime. But also that’s the way Arya said she was going to kill the Hound ‘one day I’m going to stick a dagger through your eye and out the back of your skull.’ There is something kind of poetic about the Hound then using that against the Mountain. The fight was tense and violent and I kept wanting to hide behind my fingers everytime the Hound got thrown about. The Hound really had to struggle for this victory.

Also as much as I hated seeing The Hound die his death was still epic. I couldn;t have thought of a better death for him. It just seemed fitting that he dies with his brother and it’s by falling into fire. Again that shot of them both falling from the tower and into the flames below was visaully outstanding and along with the music again it all added to the epicness of it all. So yes I am very happy with how the Hound’s storyline was brought to a close and I think they stayed true to the character all the way through.

Arya and The Hound

Arya’s stroyline this episode was actually my favourite part of this episode. I liked the scenes in the beginning with her and the Hound showing up and basically just telling that soldier I’m here to kill the Queen now get out of my way. I thought that was very humourous and very Arya.

But one scene that I think was so important to Arya’s arc and that really had me tearing up was the Hound telling Arya she had to leave or she’d die here. In that moment I saw a father concerned for his daughter. I do think the Hound has come to love Arya and has alot of affection for her. This scene was just such an honest scene. I also love that it was the Hound that convinced Arya to fight to live and that from that moment Arya fought as hard as she could to live. Also it was so touching to have her call him by his actual name. When she said thank you to him I really do think she was thanking him for everything he’s done for her. It was a thank you for trying to get me back to my family even if it was for money. A thank you for teaching her all those lessons that helped her survive. A thank you for fighting for her. And a thank you for giving her a reason to fight to live. It was also a goodbye. She knew she was never going to see him again. There was just something so sweet and yet so sad about that moment. And again brilliantly written and acted.

I also liked how the juxtaposed Sandor’s fight with the Mountain with Arya’s fight to escape the city. When the Hound fell Arya fell. When the Hound was pulled back to his feet and few moments later so was Arya. The thing that was so poignant about those moments was that knowledge of the Hound was essentially fighting to die and Arya was fighting to live. It’s these two characters that have been so linked and are so similar who are now heading in opposite directions from each other, one towards death and the other towards life.

Another scene that caught my attention was when Arya falls and is being trampled by the fleeing people before she is pulled back up. This scene reminded me so much of when Jon was being trampled during the Battle of the Bastards. In both instances its two characters that had given up on life who suddenly have that desire to live and so they fight their way back to their feet, back to life. I like that they made that connection between them as well as the connection between Arya and the Hound. The other thing I noticed was that Arya was wearing her hair very similar to Jon. In fact there was a scene where they show the back of Arya as she moves through the crowd of people and from the back her hair looks so much like Jon. I don’t know if it has any significance but it did jump out at me in that moment.

Arya’s journey through Kings Landing was so harrowing, like she should’ve died about ten times over and I’ll admit when I saw her laying on the ground with the blood on her face and covered in dust and ash I did think for a moment that she was dead but thankfully she wasn’t.

There were a few things that I did notice though. The first one is the man who stops her, It’s a very quick scene but I don’t think it was an accident that the guy looked so much like Gendry. I mean it took me a hot second to realise that it wasn’t him they looked so much alike. Now it might be the Gendrya shipper in me talking but I do think the show has made efforts to link Gendry with life and the Hound with death within Arya’s story. I don’t think its an accident that right after she decides she wants to live she has an interaction with someone who is the splitting image of Gendry. This is particularly interesting when you pair it with the fact that one of the last things she does before deciding to embark on her journey to death with the Hound is reject Gendry’s proposal. Then one of the first interactions she has after deciding to follow the path to life is with a man asking for his wife. I don’t believe in coincidences this was planned and has significance to Arya’s storyline.

But I think the biggest part of Arya’s journey this episode was that family she tried to save.She comes across them three times. Once when she is entering Kings Landing, then when the Mother pulls her to her feet and then later when she finds them hiding in that house. I again think its important that its a family she interacts with. Firstly because another thing she did when she left Winterfell to kill Cersei was walk away from her family. So this family ties into that, she wants to live and so that brings her back to her family. Also I again think its linked in with Gendry and that original rejection of that life of settling down as lord and lady and starting a family. The man looking for his wife and the family are significant because those were the things she was running away from when she was sure she was going to die but now that she wants to live those are the things she’s running towards.

Another thing I noticed was that the little girl was carrying a toy white horse. Now this seems to be another thing that hold alot of symbolism in Arya’s storyline. In season 7 when Arya decides to return to winterfell she is riding a white horse. When Gendry arrives at Winterfell he is also riding a white horse. Now we have this little girl holding a white horse toy while Arya is trying to escape winterfell. Then of course Arya sees the white horse that she rides out of Kings Landing which I will talk about some more in a moment. BUt the other thing that has symbolism for Arya is the black horse. When the Hound arrives at Winterfell he’s riding a black horse and when Arya leaves with him she too rides a black horse. The other thing worth noting is that heartbreakingly when the mother and daughter are burned the little white toy horse is charred so badly it turns black. To me the symbolism is obvious, the white horse is life and the black horse is death.

The moment that left the most impact on me in this episode was that moment when Arya looks down at the burned bodies of that family, they really did remind me of the ash bodies from Pompeii, I visited Pompeii and Herculaneum a few years back and saw the ash bodies in person, there was one display that showed a whole family huddled together and seeing that mother and daughter reminded me so much of that. But anyway back to what I was saying. The thing that struck me the most was she looks at the bodies and it focusses in on that toy horse and then she looks up and there standing amongst the death, and burning debris and ash is a white horse. I said this was the most visually spectacular episode ever and that shot of Arya approaching the Horse with the ash falling down was the one that took my breath away the most. There was something so tragically beautiful about it. I don’t even know how to properly describe it but well it was just hauntingly georgeous. Also the same can be said of that shot of her rding out of Kings Landing. But this is the moment that she really embraces life. I am excited to see where Arya’s story goes next.

Things that were not so hot.

Above I said there were some things I had an issue with. Now I’m not going to put Jaime’s storyline here because I already talked about it above but ere are some other things that I think definietly needed some improvement.

1) The Golden Company Who? Ok like really, what was even the point of these guys. They literally did nothing but die. There was all this hype about how strong they were and yet all they did was stand outside the gates then get burned. Like fine if they were to be defeated but after all the hype we could’ve at least seen them fight a little.

2) Yara Where Are Ya? So I mentioned this briefly above but it feels like they’ve forgotten about Yara. Like I feel like this was the perfect episode to bring her back into the storyline. She could have snuck up on the Iron Fleet and done a double whammy attack with Dany on Drogon and Yara firing from behind them cornering them in. Also it would have made more sense to have Yara fight Euron than Jaime. But hey that’s just my opinion.

3) Please Sir, Can I Have Some More? This season needed more episodes. I get that D&D supposedly had this vision of a 73 hour or whatever it was movie. But I do think it suffered for it and it would have been better for them to throw that vision out and go for the longer season. I do think Jaime’s storyline would have benefitted from it. Also though I am happy with the pacing of Dany’s storyline others might have been happier with more hints put in there. I just feel like this season needed fleshing out a little more in some places and that could’ve been achieved if they had those extra episodes.

4) And Who Are You Again? Ok so this one is slightly linked to the one above but if they had more episodes they could’ve shown us more Cersei. Maybe it was just me but she just didn’t seem to be in this season very much. I feel like they sacrificed alot of her storyline for the sake of showing what was going on with Jon and Dany. So we only really got a couple of scenes with her before she died. I do feel like they should have explored more of her relationship with Euron because it was such a difference between now and when we last saw them, they seem much closer and more lovey dovey. The same can be said of Sansa and Bran they haven’t been explored as much as they could’ve been again I feel like they’ve been put on the back burner a bit so they can focus more on Jon, Dany, Tyrion and Arya. So we need more focus on some of the characters and that could’ve been achieved if there were more episodes.

Anyway that’s it for this review. Once again these are just my own opinions. As one last word, A friend asked me what my opinion on the leaks were. Well I haven’t read the leaks and I don’t intend to I’ve actually blacklisted that tag though judging from the amount of ‘this post contains’ blocked posts on my dashboard and in the tags I’m assuming something has happened with the leaks. But I will do another review for the final episode and tell you what I think then. I’m both very excited and very nervous for the last episode. Still struggling with the idea that in less than 24 hours the last ever episode of Game of Thrones would’ve aired.

#got spoilers #game of thrones review #daenerys targaryen #tyrion lannister #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #Arya Stark

1 note · View note

sunlethscape · 6 years ago

Text

The Wicked King Thoughts

this isn’t going to be an edited and professional review like my gaming reviews are lol. i just finished this at 2am last night and i legit DID NOT sleep well because i have so many emotions about this book...many of them that only got more negative as i talked about it with my best friend? which makes me sad because The Cruel Prince is my favorite fantasy book ever!!! maybe favorite book ever periodt!!!

so uhhhhhh here are my thoughts, i need to get them out and move on, especially since the wait for Queen of Nothing will be so long. ALL THE SPOILERS, OBVS so please don’t read if you haven’t read it yet and don’t want to be spoiled!

i think most of my issues stem from the fact that i think the book needed to be a lot longer. in a trilogy, the second book is the most important, in my opinion, because it serves as the bridge between the beginning and the end--there is no other bridge beside this book. and this book was really short and felt like it glossed over a lot?

there is a 5 month time skip at the beginning, which doesn’t feel like the best move because seeing judge get acclimated to being cardan’s seneschal and all that entailed on a daily basis, both in terms of the physical stress and in terms of her feelings with cardan, would’ve been 1) great and 2) necessary for their relationship.

jurdan is supposed to be this enemies to lovers trope, but the only way that this trope really works is if there is a significant amount of development in the relationship, or else the transition between enemies to lovers feels jarring and just doesn’t work. i didn’t see that transition here...they’re both very broken people, who have lacked the knowledge of what trust is for much of their life, but they do know it to some extent. i needed a lot more from them, a lot more development and also not what feels a retcon of what they learned of each other? like at least maybe cardan showing some hesitation or /something/ while sleeping with other people when he supposedly likes Jude, Really likes her enough to be unable to get her out of his head, enough to just scrawl her name on a note over and over again. they kind of do what they did in The Cruel Prince -- be mad at each other and have some sexual tension -- but just for the span of a book. it feels like there wasn’t any development, other than getting to know each other a bit more, having sex, getting close to becoming somewhat honest and then at the end that’s just obliterated. with cardan laughing a beat too late from the rest at the end, i know he has to have some plan set in motion, and it’s the only plan that will keep jude safe, but it’s still ?????? you got married literally the night before. which it wasn’t even a marriage “ceremony” that sat right because this is where they should’ve been honest about each other, at least to some noticeable degree. it would’ve made the betrayal at the end better, too!

the betrayal/ending felt incredibly rushed. i remember checking the amount of pages left and being like...what’s going to happen in such few pages? and for an entire ending that leaves the reader shocked as well as an epilogue (which did nothing, really) to happen in such a short time felt very rushed.

there was also just /another/ time skip of another month. so we essentially skip over 6 months total in this book, and it feels...incomplete. i think the book needed to be double its length in order to carry the amount of development that it needed. it needed more build up toward all of its major plot points -- ghost betraying jude, taryn betraying jude, and prince cardan suddenly being in full control of his powers.

the last one, in particular, bothers me because we spend the entire book seeing him as a king that is more clever than he lets on but is ultimately still messy and rather naive. we get no build up toward him being more in tune with his powers -- it’s not something even jude knows at the beginning, and with being outcasted from the family his whole life, i doubt he received much training. it’s glossed over as him “learning scheming” well in the month that jude spent underwater but...again, that does nothing for the reader. it didn’t feel cheap, but it just wasn’t developed at all, so i was confused as to how he suddenly had perfect control. you need subtlety in books, but you also need to build up to certain things.

locke explicitly trying to kill jude also felt ????? he’s always been extremely shady even from the beginning of the cruel prince, and jude does threaten him pretty explicitly here, but we’ve gotten no hint that he’s capable of murder before, as far as i remember. he’s been conniving and sneaky and trashy and unfaithful, but he hasn’t been shown to even think of murder as a valid option. taryn and him are annoying and this entire family thing should’ve been resolved, or reached a climax at least with all parties aware of everything, in this book. like...he can’t just have murdered jude and then he mostly disappears from jude’s mind and the general picture until the next book lol.

i feel like holly black has created this amazing universe with such fascinating characters but isn’t letting them get the time to develop. we could’ve gotten so much more about nicasia, her mom, the blacksmith who is suddenly a really important player but that we see in two freaking scenes, about the court of shadows (especially ghost since????????????????? like yeah you served prince dain but bitch he’s dead now lmao WHAT you’re siding with what will destroy the land???? okay go off i guess), taryn, just...everyone. i’m puzzled as to why some scenes are in the book, like heather being turned into a cat or whatever and the scene with eldred’s past lover who just decides not to help jude even after opening up to her (which was a nice character building moment, yes, but he’s not even a major player in this and it wasn’t a necessity since he didn’t even help her and the scene doesn’t do anything meaningful for her)

trying to remove my bias as a shipper and lover of good romance, i find myself unabel to agree with people when they say romance isn’t at the forefront of this story. sure, political intrigue, war, scheming etc might all be at the forefront...but so is romance very much. the book’s synopsis touches on the romance. the book’s title is a reference to jude’s love interest. jude and cardan are the only two characters that get page time throughout the entire book (even if i wish there could’ve been more cardan, though i’m not sure if this is becuase i love him so dearly) and are the lead characters. the romance /is/ a very important part about this story, it’s why so many things (including the ending) happen. and i’m sad that what is the best enemies-to-lovers trope i’ve come across was just...nothing close to that at all in this book. it’s a messy relationship, they’re messy people, but i feel like we should be somewhere else with them if the next book is the last. the pacing was really not great here, at all. some people complained that the first book took too slow to start, which i found the pacing to be on the slow side but i was more than okay with it, but this was way too fast. if all these events spanned from the front to back of this book, then sure that’s fine but it needed to be a longer book. many things feel underdeveloped.

i read it in one sitting so sure, it went fast for me. i’m a huge fan of the first book and this is the first book i’ve anticipated so strongly in a very long time. but i was hooked on the first book, as well, and not only did i not read that so fast but there was also proper development for everything so i was very satisfied at the end despite it being technically more of a cliffhanger than the end of this book.

i just...i’m sad to be disappointed because i’ve been thinking about this book nonstop for months? : ( i love this series and jude and cardan dearly so i’m sad to feel so disappointed. to bring up another author whose books I’ve enjoyed, Sarah J Maas tends to fluctuate in quality but she spends /so much time/ developing everything, from the world to her (arguably less interesting) characters. if this book incorporated that aspect of her writing, we would’ve learned more about the lower courts, especially the court of termites, learned more about this entire universe teeming with so many possibilities. A Court of Mist and Fury, the second book in the A Court of Thorns and Roses trilogy, is a stupendous book. it’s dedicated to some action and plenty of political intrigues, but it absolutely nailed developing every single main character in a pretty sizeable cast -- especially the main couple, which desperately needed the development since they were enemies in the first book. Heir of Fire is the middle book in the The Throne of Glass series, and that entire book is dedicated to developing the protagonist, her relationship to the world and to who becomes her real love interest.

these two books in those series are really popular because they spent so much time just simply fleshing everything out...i feel like The Wicked King just jumps from event to action at a rapid pace, with some minimal character building in between. i loved seeing an even darker jude, but there’s something missing in her characterization that i can’t quite put my finger on, and while i loved cardan’s development, i feel he wasn’t around enough. maybe if the book was longer, i wouldn’t have these issues, because it’s the easiest way to fix them. idk. i’m usually not one for multiple POVs (i don’t mind or love them, whatever fits the story best is fine) but i think this book would’ve really benefitted from that here.

tl;dr i’m v sad that i’m disappointed in what was totally my most anticipated book...maybe ever? ;o; especially since a lot of people seem to have loved it, some even more than the cruel prince, and while i totally respect that and see where it comes from, i can’t count myself among those folks. idk. i’m sad and impatient for Queen of Nothing!! feel free to reply/cry with me if you’re disappointed with anything or just dealing with the nearly unbearable sadness and emptiness of finishing a book of a series that you care so much about.

@ holly black

#the wicked king #wicked king #the cruel prince #the wicked king spoilers #jurdan #jude/cardan #jude x cardan #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #also That scene in ch 15 needed to be longer tbh sue me I WAITED SO LONG FOR IT OK

1 note · View note

oilooknohands · 7 years ago

Text

Why Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood was way better than Skyrim’s

Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood was arguably one of the most memorial parts of The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion. And as for Skyrim’s, well, I’m convinced that if you took out the pure awesome idea of killing the emperor, it suddenly falls very flat.

Note: I’ve been obsessed with these two games lately. On my latest assassin play-through of Oblivion, I downloaded Deepscorn Hollow, took the weapons of all my fallen comrades after purifying the Cheydinhal Sanctuary and placed them in spots of honour within my new home. Vicente’s claymore, whom I considered my mentor and closest friend after Lucien, was in the pedestal of my bedchamber. I would’ve put Lucien’s there, but I couldn’t find it after he was made into a meat hanging (thanks Mathieu, you fuck). The Overall Organisation

I’m willing to accept the idea of Skyrim’s guild being weaker. In fact, I think it’s a great idea and even gives it more substance. But without the old ways, I’m honestly not sure why the Dark Brotherhood exists at all. I’m not only talking about the Black Sacrament going unheard, because the idea behind the Night Mother goes a little deeper than that.

Let’s look at Oblivion, and how Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood failed to emulate it.

The old ways were a lot more than just a bunch of rules; the attitude that came with them is what bound an unlikely collection of psychopaths together into what they called a “family”. They’re the reason the assassins had such a fondness for each other.

Let me give you a quote from Lucien Lechance:

“Have you not heard of the Dark Brotherhood? Of the remorseless guild of paid assassins and homicidal cutthroats? Join us, and you'll find the Dark Brotherhood to be all that, and so much more. We are, more than anything, a union of like-minded individuals.”

You’ll note that Lucien wants you to know that the Dark Brotherhood is a union. It’s kind of like a “we’re all in this together” kind of way. And it’s not just tough love, because the mythos of the Night Mother and the assassins being her children is the reason for this family-like bond. Even as you join the brotherhood for the first time in Oblivion, everyone (except Dar) welcomes you with open arms and overwhelming support, because they know that you are now their brother, someone who has come forward to adopt their strict ways of life. Like family, merely by being apart of the brotherhood, you are already deserving of respect and affection, unless you outright prove unworthy.

Now, this whole bond came from the old ways and the attitude it put into its subordinates. Without this way of life (which Astrid refers to as ‘outdated’) why exactly is everyone in Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood apparently so close with one another? Why do they consider themselves a family if they’ve apparently abandoned this life-style and instead live as they see fit?

Take Nazir for example. He says “-the dark brotherhood saved me from myself.”

Saved you? How? They’re just a bunch of cutthroats with a truce against each other. There’s nothing binding these people together except for the fact that they’re all crazy and homicidal. You can describe them the same way you describe bandits. Why do you, and the rest of these people, apparently have an unbreakable bond, if you’ve abandoned the old way?

I get that Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood is different, and has purposely abandoned the old ways, but without them it makes no sense that they would even have a reason to call each other a “family”, which they do anyway. It almost downplays how Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood was so special. The game is saying that any bunch of jokers could become a family as long as they didn’t kill each other and lived together in some place.

The Characters

When Alduin scalds you for not meeting the standard set by the original heros, I feel the same way meeting Skyrim’s Assassins. Aside from Babette and Cicero, I don’t really like any of them. I’ll explain each character, next to the character I think they’re closest to in Oblivion.

By the way, I won’t cover Babette and Cicero, but I’ll quickly say this: Babette had some questionable moments herself, but I forgave them because she was colourful. And Cicero, well, it’s hard to dislike him after you read his journals, and see the way he went to hell and back because of his devotion to his duty.

MOVING ON.

Astrid/Lucien Lechance

Now, I know Astrid was a traitor, which makes a lot of people dislike her, but I’m going to say that even before the quest Death Incarnate, or even before the quest The Cure for Madness, she’s still kind of awful.

Let me compare these two leaders by describing them without talking about their appearance, abilities or roles.

Lucien LeChance: Cold, calculating, intelligent, strong-willed, loyal, honest, sadistic.

Astrid: Proud, arrogant, paranoid, foolish, short-sighted.

In the simplest terms, Astrid was weak. But I’m not going to dwell on this any longer, because in her case, it was intentional, and this is more salt than criticism.

Nazir/Vicente Valtieri

I like Nazir. But there’s an issue here.

The reason Vicinte’s role in the story was so genius relates back to what I said earlier, about the old ways being essential to the dark brotherhood’s identity as a family. Vicinte is your first quest-giver, and he tells you not to worry about him feeding on you, because the needs of the dark brotherhood are too great. His role is a great way to introduce to you the mentality behind the merry band of murderers.

The first time you met Nazir, well, he’s an asshole. I know he got better toward the end, but if truth be told, respecting someone after they kill the emperor isn’t exactly a big thing to ask.

Now, Nazir did grow on me, I’ll admit, but the role of these two characters kind of represent my problem with the Skyrim Dark Brotherhood as a whole.

Festus Krex/M’raaj-Dar

Festus introduces himself as the kranky old uncle that everyone should avoid. I mean, isn’t it a contradiction to introduce yourself like this? It’s like going up to a random stranger on the street and telling them to not talk to you, because you hate talking to people you don’t know.

M’raaj-Dar downright ignored you the entire time, but you could still seamlessly talk to Festus about whatever you wanted. There wasn’t really any reason for him to be a grumpy outsider and it never fit into the story.

Festus grew on me about the same time that I grew on him, but his character is rather uninspired. He’s just a grumpy man who likes being known as the grumpy man.

Feeling that family love right about now.

Veezara/Teinaava + Ocheeva

Veezara isn’t bad, but he wasn’t nearly as interesting as Teinaava or Ocheeva, who set a hard bar to compete with.

The twins are clearly well-connected, as Ocheeva has been trusted with leadership, and Teinaava is tuned in enough with Argonia to know when and where to send you to kill Scar-Tail. And you get the idea that they’re intelligent and well-travelled. For example, Teinaava knows how to exploit Fort Sutch’s defences and how to escape from Gaston Tussaud’s ship. Ocheeva even mentions completing a contract on a ship at sea near Vvardenfel.

Aside from being a shadowscale, which was cool, Veezara didn’t have much going for him. Ocheeva and Teinaava were very colourful. Most of Veezara’s conversations were like this:

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I am a shadowscale, and I was trained to kill.

How do you feel about Cicero and the Night-mother?

I don’t know. All I know is, I am a shadowscale, and I was trained to kill.

And that’s pretty much it.

You know it’s cooler if you don’t go flaunting it around in everyone’s face.

Basically, make Veezara an Imperial or a Nord, and he will be far less memorable.

Gabrielle/Telaendril

I don’t really know what to say about Gabrielle, because I don’t know anything about her. (I have the official game guide for Skyrim, and it has bios for every character in the Dark Brotherhood. It doesn’t say much about Gabrielle.)

These characters aren’t even that similar, except for the fact that they’re both Mer archers.

Telaendril had personality. She was eager to please and lusted after the chance to advance in the guild, as seen by her disappointment by not being given the “special assignment”. She also tried telling Gogron about the virtues of stealth, and in doing so she was showing her loyalty to the old ways. However she also let her guard down around Gogron because she had a soft-spot for him (and a wet spot too, or so Gogron claims). It made her seem well connected and apart of the family, and not just a shoe-in to have an archer in the assassin’s guild.

Which Gabrielle was.

I didn’t even know she was an archer until I destroyed the Dark Brotherhood in another profile. I killed Gabrielle’s pet spider and used its venom to poison her, and then I cut her head off of and threw it in the pond.

Arnbjorn/Gogron gro-Bolmog

These characters both fit in the role of “ignorant warrior who just likes to kill”. Gogron likes you from the start, Arnbjorn is an asshole but becomes nicer (am I noticing a pattern here?).

Gogron’s ignorance made him charming, because he was just in the Dark Brotherhood doing what he loved, and he was happy to talk to you even if he wasn’t completely clear on what he was doing.

When asked about the night mother: “All I know is, she pays me to kill people. My own mother should’ve loved me so.”

When Arnbjorn is ridiculed about disrespecting the night mother: “Keep talking little man, and we’ll see who gets punished.”

One of them isn’t aware of his ignorance, and it makes him likeable. One of them embraces what little he knows, which makes him annoying.

Not to mention, why exactly did Arnbjorn dislike you, only to end up respecting you towards the end of the questline? Apparently it’s because you “proved yourself time and time again” but if he was just distrusting of your competence, why wasn’t his wife’s testimony enough? Or, killing Alain and his gang, or something earlier?

Each time I do The Purification, it’s completely heartbreaking. For Death Incarnate, I don’t care.

So long Arnbjorn! I hope you skip the Hunting Grounds and go straight to BURNING IN HELL!

Quests

Something tells me I won’t need to try hard to prove this point.

Skyrim’s assassinations were all very basic. You had a bunch of side missions, where you killed targets who weren’t going anyway. And, you also had the main quests. There were no unique ways to kill any of your targets, and no extra effort required for any of them, except for thinking about an escape.

Oblivion’s assassinations were all so incredible and memorable. Even the most basic one involved smuggling yourself onto a ship to kill the captain and escaping through the back.

There was also the quest where you became a sleuth and tracked down an Altmer skooma addict, or another where you were invited to a party and had to murder each guest (or turn them against each other), or there was infiltrating an occupied military fort, and the prison you started the game in.

The purification, which broke everyone’s hearts, I will speak no more about.

And my favourite part, defeating the members of the Black Hand. Replaying the quest knowing who these targets REALLY are makes each of them seem like a legend in their own right.

J’Ghasta, the Khajiit martial artist who could kill with his enemies without being armed. Shaleez, the Argonian huntress (who is probably also a shadowscale) who made her lair in an abandoned flooded mine. Alval Uvani, the travelling Dunmer wizard who is a master of destruction. Havilstein Hoar-Blood, the Nord barbarian residing in the mountains, who is probably strong enough to send you down the mountain in a single swing of his axe (or was it a hammer?). And finally, we come to the listener, Ungolim. The Bosmer archer who has by now been anticipating you, and whose hunter-like instincts make him detect you before you strike.

As terrible as it was to learn that you killed even more of your comrades, you learned that each of them was a formidably killer with deadly prowess, not only making them worthy targets of a highly-trained assassin, but the perfect leaders for the shadowy organisation.

Was there anything that memorable in Skyrim’s Dark Brotherhood?

You fought against some Imperial agents, I guess. You fought Alain.

…

The end :/

In Conclusion

I know most people probably already agreed with me on these points, but I just wanted to get them settled. Hopefully in the next Elder Scrolls game, the brotherhood is strong with the old ways again, and not everyone dies.

#dark brotherhood #oblivion #skyrim #black hand #the elder scrolls #lucien lachance #astrid #veezara #nazir #teinaava #ocheeva #shadowscale #tamrielle #cyrodiil #cicero #babette #assassin #Night Mother #sithis

623 notes · View notes

your-lady-star · 7 years ago

Text

1. Celica

Just… Just Celica.

Now, out of all the choices on this list, this is the one that hurt me the most to put on here, because I tried really, really, REALLY FREAKING HARD to like Celica, more than I ever had with any character I’ve seen in a video game.

I really did want to like her, she had a lot of good things going for her; her design is gorgeous, the bond we saw between her and Alm when they were kids was enjoyable and held a lot of promise for when they would reunite, and her story arc of being a princess, having to go into hiding for the safety of her life until everything calmed down and choosing to no longer hide who she is now that she sees the world is in trouble and she has to do what’s right to save it. Celica had everything going for her as a character and could have been made as one of the best female protagonist in all of gaming.

… So how did they f*ck it all up?!

Well, the exact same way they f*cked up the stories moral gray and the amount of character development for the heroes and villains: bad and lazy writing. (I think I’m starting to notice a pattern here)

Remember when I described Alm as taking everything that made Corrin amazing and putting it in a new coat of paint? Well, Celica is what would happen if you took all the bullsh*t complaints that have ever been thrown at Corrin, except this time they’re actually true. I have a laundry list of problems with this woman and I plan to go through them all.

And may as well start with one of her most infamous scenes: her reunion with Alm on the balcony. This is easily one of the most infamous scenes in the game and it’s easily the second biggest moment where the writers dropped the ball with Celica’s character. This was a scene that was supposed to be sweet and heartwarming, Alm and Celica are reuniting for the first time in what was likely 10 years. The cut scene that plays beforehand is one of the better animated scenes in this game and it’s supposed to establish what the tone of the next scene will be like. But then the entire tone proceeds to take a nose dive straight off a cliff! I get that Celica acts the way she does in this scene because she’s worried that the dream she had where Alm faces off against Rudolph and dies will come true, but she takes it way to freaking far! She chastises him for fighting with the Deliverance and leading them due to it being dangerous, even with what they just accomplished, she gets mad when Alm says that the reason why Zofia and Rigel are at war is because of the previous king’s incompetence, which he is totally right about, she accuses him of only fighting for the Deliverance so he can become king, she refuses to say that she’s the missing Zofian princess for no reason whatsoever, and even tries to deter him from his task by saying he has no right to be in this fight because he’s not a noble. To paraphrase, Celica launches manufactured criticisms, berates his own choices and free well, makes mindless accusations without even a hint of evidence, hides crucial information that has no reason to be hidden, and even uses prejudiced attacks; all of which she’s doing to someone who supposed to be her best friend!

I already know that not all relationships are the conflict free utopias we like to think they are, but there's a big difference between having a scuffle and being downright cruel and horrific for no f*cking reason. And it comes right the bat hell out of nowhere. This sheer level of cruelty and overreacting has never been shown before this scene and is never seen again after this scene. This sudden change in Celica’s character is one of the most obvious plot devices I’ve ever seen in a video game. I don’t care if this is how this scene went in Gaiden, not everything that was done in the original game is gonna work just as well 25 years later! And this sudden attack of bipolar disorder isn’t the only thing this scene brings that goes nowhere.

Most of Celica’s outburst in this scene come after Alm calls out Lima for his poor ruling, something that she takes offence to, but when that came up, I found myself wondering why she even is defending that guy. Yeah, he’s her dad, but nothing has been established to show that he’s someone she would care about. When everyone at the temple she lived in found out that her father had died, the first thing we see her discussing is in regards to Mila’s well being. Other characters say she might be going through a rough time dealing with it, but the game never shows anything even remotely close to her being upset over her dad’s death. And, really think about, why should she even care about it? Her father stole her mother away and forced her to marry him because he thought she was hot, she seemed to spend most of her time with Conrad, he never bother setting up a search for her to see if she survived the fire, and she never talks about him at any point in the story. Her relationship with her father is on par with most of Nohrian siblings relationships with their mothers: completely nonexistent. So forgive me for being skeptical when you try to make me think she actually takes offence at hearing her father being criticized after clearly showing that the affect it left on her could be compared to being bit by a mosquito.

Did I also forget to mention that she’s a massive hypocrite? At one point during the argument she tries to argue that the conflict between Zofia and Rigel doesn’t have to resolved through bloodshed and that they should come to a compromise to resolve the issue, something that Alm promptly shuts down by bringing up that Rigel is the one that instigated this entire war. They made the bed of nails and now they gotta lay in it. And much like Celica’s sudden care for her father, not only does this come out of nowhere and has no impact whatsoever, so much so that it only has 2 lines of dialogue, but it completely contradicts everything Celica has done before and what she will do after. And before anyone brings up the whole thing with the pirates, she wasn’t taking a simpering pacifistic approach with them, she was giving them a choice; surrender peacefully and live to see another day or pay what they’ve done with their lives, and they chose the latter. But what they tried to do in this scene is just another plot device that exist only to further the story.

And there’s one last thing about this scene that still doesn’t make any sense at all.

Why didn’t Celica tell Alm that she was the missing princess? I know it’s to service the plot, but what reason in character would she not tell him? It’s not like this remains a secret for long, Alm manages to learn about it on his own, and it’s not like she’s doing much to hide it from others, since her friends from the temple already know and she has no problem letting people who she’s only know for a few weeks at most know about it. So, again, why not tell someone who’s supposed to be her best friend since childhood? The game tries to justify this by claiming that if Celica told him that she was the missing princess, he would have forced her to take the leadership role of the Deliverance. But allow me to counter that excuse as bluntly as possible.

No he wouldn’t. What about Alm’s character has never given the impression that he would force Celica into a position she obviously didn’t want to be in? (please don’t make that a sex joke) Alm had graciously accepted his role as the leader of the Deliverance. Why would he give that up just because someone has the perk of being royalty? Isn’t the entire reason why he’s even fighting to begin with to prove that it doesn’t matter if you’re of noble birth or not, you can still make a great change? Not to mention that he’s proven to be incredibly reasonable and respectful of others wishes, so if he were to offer her the leader role and she would say no, he would respect her decision, especially if she told him that she had her own mission to go on. There’s no reason to believe he would force her to take the position he’s come to realize is his and his alone. I don’t care that it’s just speculation on part of the characters, it’s a massive slap towards the person Alm really is.

But trust me when I say, this scene is NOTHING compared to the biggest f*ck up the writers did to her character and the moment where any form of sympathy for Celica proceeds to fall on deaf ears; that of which being everything that happens in her story from act 4 onward.

I don’t know who was the person in charge of proofreading Celica’s story from act 4 to the end, but whoever it was, I hope to God they got fired because the later half of her story is DREADFUL! I swear this part of the story is so poorly written and so filled to the brim with massive gaping plot holes that it would make someone with trypophobia queasy. And all of the problems it has boils down to one major critical flaw: the fact that Celica goes from a flawed protagonist with good intentions to the absolute most foolhearted, close minded, naive and idiotic character ever to be written into a Fire Emblem game. Jedah tells her that he can lead her to where Mila is being held and knows how to save her, and not only does she buy it hook, line and sinker without any form of provocation, but she completely ignores the millions of warning signs that are constantly waved in her face, she doesn’t listen to any of her friends telling her this is a terrible idea, and even when her brother reveals himself to be alive and she promises him that she won’t throw her life away again, she proceeds to do just that without ever thinking about how she essentially lied straight to her brothers face, the brother who she thought was dead and who has saved her on multiple occasions. Celica’s arguments to everyone’s constant warnings about how stupid she’s acting pretty much boils down to “I think this is right, so I’m going to do it”.

B*tch, what about this situation makes you think this is the right choice?! Have you just become so absorbed in your Mila worshiping that you’ll listen to anyone who tells you they can lead you to her? Have you ever taken a good look at Jedah?! He’s the leader of the Duma Faithful, he’s the corrupted Duma’s right hand man, he’s shown time and time again through your encounters to be lying through his teeth. And you’re honest to God going to put complete trust in him even though he’s done everything to prove he’s not worthy of it?! What the f*ck, woman?! One of the people you can recruit to your army is one of Jedah’s own daughters who’s soul mission is to find a way to restore her sisters who have been turned into witches by their own father. When you get to Duma’s Tower, he teleports all your friends away without even the promise that they’re somewhere safe and tells you to wait there until the preparations are done. And you just sit then with your thumbs up your a** like a f*cking doormat!

Give Corrin some credit; at least when someone obviously evil was trying to lead him into a trap, he took the words of his siblings into mind and came up with a backup plan, hence why he didn’t get killed.

Oh yeah, did I also forget to mention that Celica’s dumb decision making GETS HER F*CKING KILLED?! Yeah, after Celica gets brought to the Mila’s petrified body and Jedah reveals his real motivations, and Celica realizes “Oh no! The obviously evil guy was actually lying to me!”

-Sorry, I really needed that- Anyway, she then proceeds to have her soul forcefully removed from her body and absorbed into Duma, turning her into a witch. She’s forced to attack Alm, Alm kills her using the Falchion, and, through some magical mumbo jumbo from Mila, she’s brought back to life.

I swear, the sheer level of not caring about what anyone else has to say that Celica shows is absolutely ridiculous. She never takes anything anyone tells her into account, not even from people who clearly have more experience with the outside world than she does and would obviously be more trustworthy than this menacing sorcerer that would stick out like a sore thumb in Power Rangers and is constantly going “I’m totally not an evil bad guy” anytime he’s around her. I get that it can sting pretty deep when someone proves you wrong, but the fact that she seems to be jumping over mental hurdles that would rival Mt. Everest anytime someone tries to tell her she’s wrong really gives the unfortunate implication that she doesn’t want to be proven wrong. She wants to show everyone that she’s the one in the right and expects everyone around her to bend over backwards and support her, even when the situation is at its most dire. It gives off the feeling that she doesn’t want to learn and grow, she wants to prove that the way she is right now is perfect; something that is a far cry from Corrin, who is constantly learning and growing with each new experience and wants to develop himself in anything he can, even down to the most basic task such as doing laundry (read his support with Frederick in Warriors to know what I mean).

I will give her a point for the fact that she does apologize to Alm, both for acting like a complete a**hole to him on the balcony and for being stupid enough to trust Jedah, which is the only thing she did right post act 3. But, uh, Celica, isn’t there a few other people you forgot to apologize to? You know, the friends you dragged all the way out here in your mindless pursuit of proving you were right? The brother who you proceeded to walk back on your promise on? Aren’t you going to apologize to them and admit that you were wrong and that you should have listened to them?

*forced laughter* Of course she’s not gonna apologize to them! We gotta focus on the final battle with Duma, especially now that we know that killing him will actually be a good thing, since it will end his suffering! So let’s just sweep this massive issue under the rug to have an epic final battle and give the player their happy ending! Well, guess what IS?

I’M! NOT! HAPPY!!!

… I really didn’t want to get this angry, but it was well warranted. Celica is just such a badly written character; a character who shows me just how horribly Corrin could have been and made me appreciate the hard work that went into him. (I’ll be linking the discussion post I’ve done about Corrin at the end so you get a feeling of what I’m talking about) She had everything going for her, but the writers proceeded to shot themselves in the foot with a nuclear missile and did a terrible job handling her, making her the absolute worst character in Echoes and now one of 3 Fire Emblem characters that I hate. And I don’t enjoy hating characters, I like to see characters that seem like they won’t work prove me wrong and become something special, characters that I can say “Yeah, they had their flaws, but hey, they could have turned out worse”. Needless to say, this is the worse a character can become. And it’s not just the fact that she’s such a disappointment to what I wanted to see from her, it’s the fact that she’s one of the main characters. With the other two characters I hate (which I will talk about at some other point), it’s at least very easy for me to ignore them.

But I can’t ignore Celica. She’s supposed to be a character I care about, a character that I want to see come out for the better, a character I can root for, a character I want to see overcome the obstacles in her path, to see her gain her happy ending. But I can’t root for a character who has her head shoved so far up her a** that it’s coming out her ears.

Celica is one of the worst protagonist in gaming, the worst thing about Fire Emblem Echoes and the sole reason why I can’t, in good conscience, call Echoes a great game.

And for that, f*ck you Celica.

Here’s every post I’ve done that was mostly, if not all, centered around Corrin, so you can get a feel on why I like him and why I compare him so much to Celica.

http://your-lady-star.tumblr.com/post/155552705533/month-of-venting-week-1-fire-emblem-fates-fandom

http://your-lady-star.tumblr.com/post/158155329738/revealing-the-star-caring-conqueror-corrin

http://your-lady-star.tumblr.com/post/164946822443/proving-idiotic-haters-wrong-fire-emblem-fates

#fire emblem echoes #Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia #celica #corrin #I talked about him a lot in this may as well tag him #character analysis #character critic #bad characterization #Fe Celica #Fe corrin

27 notes · View notes

dearinheadlights-archived · 4 years ago

Text

26 April 2021

i haven’t written in a while, but i’ve had a hard time falling asleep lately, so i might as well. i really need to work on that, and probably talk to my doctor about it. i’ve always had sleep issues related to anxiety—it’s never been easy for me to fall asleep. i’m always kept up by old memories or bad trains of thought, or even just an inability to turn my brain off. some of that may be undiagnosed adhd. but it got worse last summer, when i was diagnosed with chronic migraines. before getting out on medicine, i would spend a lot of time in bed. kind of like i am now. but i was at home, so i always had my mom giving me shit about it. she mad me feel bad some being in pain, even though i couldn’t help it. but i eventually got medicine for the migraines, and they don’t effect me as much anymore. but the fatigue from that chronic pain lingered, i think. which sucks. i always thought of myself as decently energetic. i like to do things and explore and live my life, for the most part. but i don’t have the energy anymore. physically, i’m almost always exhausted. i hate having to budget my energy in ways that other people don’t have to. i hate when i have to say no to my friends when they ask to go on a late night skate, because i do want to, but i physically can’t. and, of course, i could be doing better. i could be exercising regularly and eating more than one meal a day. i should be. but i’m just barely getting by with school as a priority right now, and even then, i’m a week behind on a final paper that i have to do for a class. i just—i KNOW i need to do better, and i want to, but there’s just so much i need to change about what i’m doing. i need to change how i sleep and eat and exercise and get a better handle on my anxiety/depression and do something about my possible adhd because it’s interfering with my classes and DO BETTER IN SCHOOL and find time to relax to recharge myself and all these things and it’s just too much.

things with [001] have been pretty good. i’ve felt really good with him lately. just, being in love with him. i don’t know. i’m going to preface my thoughts with the fact that i’m very in love with him, and think so highly of him. and honestly, i don’t feel as bad right now as i used to. but i know that my, like, trust for him has been wounded. not that i distrust him? i actually trust him a lot. but when it comes to certain things with him, i find myself second-guessing myself out of fear of being hurt. which is the worst feeling, because i look at him and feel so much love and admiration. but i don’t do certain things anymore, like changing his name in my phone or suggesting to trade a stuffie, because i’m afraid of being hurt again. i never should’ve gotten those necklaces; all i did was set myself up to get hurt. if he wanted to wear something to show he loves me, he would. if he wanted to keep track of it, he would. it was my idea—i never asked if he wanted them. i should’ve just let him get something like that for us if he ever wanted to. i was so stupid—i knew i liked him so early, even though i didn’t expect it to happen, and i let myself fall for him completely just because he said it was okay. i shouldn’t have jumped so early. i should’ve waited, until i knew he was jumping too. he’s taking steps, and i recognize and appreciate those, but i shouldn’t have moved at a fast pace than he was. stupid hopeless romantic i guess. even wearing his shirt was almost bittersweet, because i love wearing someone else’s clothing, and i was terrified of it being ripped away from me. it’s awful, because i’ve never been the type of person to hold back feelings or actions like that out of fear. but i suppose it’s not necessarily an irrational fear. i can only hope he won’t do the same thing again. plus, there are stupid gremlin feelings that get into my head when we aren’t officially together. i hate that it happens this way, but it’s like, a mutual trust thing. like, one thing is that i don’t know what to call him when people ask. he’s essentially my boyfriend, but he hates that title. but he’s more than just my friend, too. and i can’t burden people with an “it’s complicated” explanation. i don’t know. plus, i know and hate that i feel more angry and jealous towards [002] when [001] and i aren’t officially dating than when we are. when we were actually dating, i didn’t care about seeing her. it hardly phased me. but now, i know it bothers me. because, on top of all the things [002] did to me, she actually got to date [001]. she got a long relationship with him. and if that had been me, i wouldn’t have taken [001] for granted and fucked it up like [002] did. i know that it’s not the right time for [001] to be in a relationship yet because he has things to sort out first, but, i don’t know. maybe i’m overthinking it and should just enjoy what we have, because whenever i point out anything that i’m a little unhappy with, he’s had a habit of taking it too harshly and leaving me. and that’s not what i want. i want him, and i love him, and i love what we have, and i’m fine with moving at whatever pace he’s comfortable with. i think i just might need some reassurance sometimes. maybe we can work on that, once finals are over.

it’s honestly all just too much right now. i don’t want to go back home in a few days, especially while i’m still having sleep problems. seeing my parents will be tough. i wish i could just pause a specific moment and stay in it for as long as i needed to. i think i’d find a comfortable spot to rest with [001] so we could both get some sleep and not worry about anything. a big bed, so we had plenty of space to cuddle and sleep for as long as we need. and no time would pass, so we could worry about work and school and deadlines later.

anyways, i’m gonna go to sleep now. this is unedited, so sorry for any typos or weird sentences. i’ll fix it in the morning, maybe.

#journal #daily diary #diary #relationships #school #sleep #anxiety #fatigue

0 notes

uchihasavior · 8 years ago

Note

Is it me or do lots of people seem to think that because since Itachi is a good liar and can be manipulative, seems to make people believe that it's impossible for someone like him to be manipulated and lied at too even though he very much has been?

[[ I need to make a couple of disclaimers before I tackle this question, because this sort “Itachi cannot be manipulated” sentiment usually comes from very specific circles. Firstly, I’m not pro-ending. I have a lot of issues with the main Naruto ending, but I do consider it as canon because it honestly is canon. Nothing I can say can change that.

Now.. this sort of statement towards Itachi mostly seems to stem from anti-ending blogs. You’ll see it a lot, “Itachi is just a Leaf supporter” “Itachi is an unrepentant mass murderer” (I have literally seen this one), “Itachi excuses the village’s system”, “Itachi being good is just a bad plot twist”, “Itachi should’ve stayed a villain” “Itachi is just as bad as Tobirama”, etc.

I’ve spoken about this before, but, when dealing with Itachi, most of the people who deal with Itachi (myself included in the past) have this mindset of treating him like an adult in all situations. And by adult, I mean “he is an adult therefore all his decisions are his own and nothing and no one else influenced him.” Essentially, the fact that Itachi was very intelligent and skilled somehow makes him immune to manipulation and being used. Which is just, as a whole, very very wrong.

I know there’s a term for this somewhere. I can’t figure out what it is, but I will someday. Usually the biggest argument is the massacre. Itachi was 13 years old. And sometimes they’ll argue back, well in-universe this is considered an adult, especially considering his rank as an ANBU. And sure, we can run with that for in-universe context, but then they fail to apply the same context to every other person. Suddenly, everyone else is children, but Itachi’s some adult and has to bear the full responsibility of his actions. People like Danzo, Hiruzen, and Fugaku to some extent get away scott free when it comes to how they shaped Itachi. Danzo and Hiruzen get their own set of complaints, but none of how they used Itachi. That never gets rightly placed on them.

I also think most of the blogs who do this haven’t read Shinden. Which I may reiterate, is also canon material. Kishi did sanction these novels, even though he didn’t personally pen them himself. May I say again, canon is canon whether you like it or not. It’s something that can be difficult to accept for some, but you’ll feel a whole lot better when you do. You don’t have to like it, and you can criticize it, but that doesn’t change what actually happened.

The novel is like a full explanation of how Itachi was manipulated. This fear of seeing that bloody battlefield is a recurring theme for Itachi. He doesn’t want to see that fighting again. He gets reminded by Danzo if he doesn’t take this very specific path, then actual fighting will break out and it will escalate. The threat of the Uchiha V Village situation escalating is one that’s always on his mind. Sasuke is used against him near the end.

Itachi is very much skewed against his clan early on, as well. There was very much the potential for Itachi to see the racism against his clan for what it is– racism. But he always found ways to excuse what personally happened to him. Kids bother him? They’re just kids. Anbu angry that the Kyuubi killed his sister and is therefore the fault of all the Uchiha? Ehh, he’s just jealous I’m the youngest ANBU. It…honestly baffled me how Itachi could hear that man say that and just shrug it off. Agreeing to keep the surveillance a secret because it would make his clan angry (as it should). Because if they find out they’ll get mad and push their plans or attack now, and in Itachi’s mind attack = bloody battlefield. He’s literally 5 when the compound is built. It doesn’t matter how smart he thinks he is, his thinking is that of a child. Children will find positives. Oh, we’re being stuffed together at the end of the village? Why be mad, we can all be a family together and I can raise Sasuke somewhere quietly. Also look! They’re building our homes first, how can we be mad?

Not only that, but I think these people ignore things Itachi said in the manga, too. Sometimes I think they skipped the entire fight vs Kabuto. Itachi touches on clan pride, Itachi readily admits the village system has issues. The only thing I disagree with is that it has to be left to the younger people to fix, but I digress. He’s not much of a revolution person himself.

Adding, Shisui died. Shisui was the person Itachi trusted the most and looked up to the most. Itachi felt terrible, he felt alone, and he was desperate for help. It is SO much easier to use Itachi and sway him into a decision after the person he was taking advice from is gone. Itachi wasn’t the brains behind stopping the massacre, Shisui was. And now Shisui’s gone, and he has no idea what to do.

Beh. Anyways, my main point is that Itachi was used and manipulated, even if he doesn’t ~act~ like people think a normal manipulation victim should. That’s part of manipulation, of the victim not noticing or not being able to admit it. It’s how the abusers get away with it. So by ignoring that pretending this was literally all Itachi’s fault, you’re letting his abusers get away with it.

Now…..I’m not saying Itachi is except from any criticism period. Not at all. There’s definitely a lot to be discussed. He definitely has flaws. But there’s a point between valid criticism and blind hate and refusal to acknowledge that Itachi was used. Just as much as Sasuke was used.

Serena also wrote a long post about this, which I suggest reading. ]]

#Anonymous #ask #ooc #itachi #meta #long post

125 notes · View notes

myjackiejackie01 · 8 years ago

Text

‘Thwarted’ Chapter 54 Review

@perrydowning cuz work sucks and tries to stop me BUT I SHALL NEVER BE STOPPED FROM COMMENTING

MONDAY IS SO BUSY DAMMIT but I will always comment ALWAYS |:

Oh, my poor space babies… They’ve suffered quite a bit this chapter, haven’t they? I’ll focus on Kylo first and then delve into Rey.

Right, Galactic Idiot.

I’m so proud he finally told Kes what happened and gave her back the memories that were rightfully hers. It was a long time coming, and he should’ve done it earlier, but I guess I can’t be too picky. This IS Galactic Idiot, after all. He pushes everything down and waits until he gets caught, basically. I’m not at all surprised by Kes’ sudden cold attitude towards Kylo. She did just get her memories back, after all, and to know she’d not only had her memories altered but has been breaching Rey’s trust repeatedly, I can understand that she feels betrayed and hurt. She needs time to come to terms with this knowledge as well as time for herself to see if she can forgive Kylo for what he did. I think she will, but she just needs time, like Vitok. Wounds heal over time, not a span of seconds, afterall!

Oooh, and that punch. *wince* Kylo’s getting all sorts of just desserts for his actions.

I’ll keep my thoughts on his and Rey’s scenes solely to Rey later in this comment, but I will comment on his side, since this story is from his POV.

I applaud Kylo for being there for Rey when she was at, in my opinion, her most vulnerable. She’s had a lot going on and her meeting with her mother proved it was just too much to handle. He managed to calm her down and comfort her, and I give him kudos for that. I also give him major applause for being there for her and standing his ground when she tried to push him away. He knows what she’s doing now, having seen before and now realizes it now. He knows Rey claiming that she’s a ‘kept woman’ isn’t really what she means, that their relationship is nothing but physical and means nothing else. She’s hurting right now and has been through a lot, but he still stuck through it and reaffirmed his love for her and that he would never leave her or get tired of her. She’s it for him, and even when she feels those low-self esteem issues creeping back, he’ll always be there to reaffirm that love he has for her.

I also think it’s a good thing that he stopped any “fun times” Rey was trying to have with him. She’s not herself, and she just wants to “feel” and not think. But that’s not what she really wants, not really. Otherwise, I think she would just hate herself because she’s not really confronting what she’s feeling and just using sex to forget, basically “cheapening” what they have. And Kylo doesn’t want that. He wants every intimate moment with her to mean something, not to be so base. It also probably brings up memories of when he fucked for “base needs”.

I’m sure Kylo’s “blindness” to Rey’s almost resignation will be explored later in the story, since I think that “It” moment hasn’t happened yet, so I won’t make too much comment on that except for Rey’s section.

And now onto my poor Galactic Girlfriend.

REY ;-; *hugs and never lets go* Though the story is not told from Rey’s POV, you can see what’s on her mind through her mannerisms and how she acts and piece together what’s going on in her mind (at least for me, I over-analyze xD)

Poor girl is having to deal with so much at the moment. Eshara, Kes, Vitok, her mother and so many other things. I applaud her for how she’s been dealing with it so far. She’s definitely stronger mentally and emotionally between her and Kylo, but it’s still too much to have to deal with and I knew she’d have a breakdown eventually. You can’t hold it all in; it’ll just blow up in the end.

First, her mother. Of course her reunion with her mother went absolutely awful, but we all knew that, given that we, the readers, know what she’s like. But knowing and then seeing it happen are two different things. You know Rey’s hopes are about to get destroyed and you don’t want her to suffer but you can’t do anything but wait for it to happen. I pitied Lann for a bit, because of the life she has, but that’s all gone.

“She whirls around and her eyes have a mad light to them. “She congratulated me on having done so well for myself, said that I was even better at whoring than her!””

It just sucks that Rey kind of knew what she was getting into but still had that ever burning hope that maybe, just maybe, her mother would want something of a relationship with the daughter she abandoned all those years ago. But of course it didn’t happen that way; Rey had that hope crushed once more, destroyed really, and I think that was the last straw. Eshara, Vitok, Kes, her eye-opening realization that she can’t ever leave Kylo and being essentially trapped but at the same time wanting him and loving him and needing him just as much as he does her was too much for her to comprehend and it resulted in a Kylo Ren-esque explosion of emotions. I don’t really find her letting her Force abilities get out of hand a “tantrum” per say, more of lack of proper Force control and just being overwhelmed with it all.

Even Rey, as emotionally and mentally strong as I believe she is, wasn’t immune to just being overwhelmed with all these negative emotions, but at least she had Kylo there to give her comfort! Speaking of, I’ve noticed that since realizing Kylo can’t live without her and that he really hasn’t changed, she’s had a sort of “Jekyll and Hyde” kind of switch with him. I’m also finding her signature Light “dimming” in a way, and I think it’s both intriguing and depressing, because I think we all know why that is. Let me explain.

Since chapter 52, Rey’s “fantasy bubble” has popped, and she’s now realized Kylo’s hasn’t really changed, is pretty much not all there and literally cannot live without her, so she’s resigned herself to her situation. At the same time, she also realizes that she’s going to keep being with him and loving him because she can’t live without him either, and I think she loathes herself for it, just a bit. She knew Kylo has done terrible things, but seeing and realizing just how much he loves her was too hard to resist, especially with the Bond and all. She could feel his true emotions and after being with him and seeing all he’s willing to do just to be with her, she gave into her budding ones. She essentially “blinded” herself to his true self and told herself that “Ben Organa” was doing all these wonderful things for her (dresses, dinners, changing some of the F.O.’s protocols with the stormtroopers, etc.). She told herself he was changing and left it at that. But then her coma happened and she woke up to a disaster. Kylo went around killing people that weren’t directly involved with her condition and planned to kill himself because he refused to live in a world where she wasn’t in it. And that made her realize that she truly was a prisoner. Kylo loves her, more than anything in the galaxy. She’s his universe, and if she were to leave, the galaxy would end up in ashes. He’s given her some freedoms, but the truth is, he wouldn’t ever let her go, willingly. He freaks out when she even hints at wanting to do something like flying off or going somewhere. He worries and panics she’ll try and escape and tugs that “invisible leash” he has on her. Because at the end of the day, he’s her jailer. She can’t leave and he wouldn’t let her. But now Rey’s realized that she can’t leave even if she wanted to and she wouldn’t because she loves a man whose trying to rule the galaxy with a firm hand and an iron fist on those that don’t comply.

But to see Rey resigned to her fate is just incredibly sad. It’s almost like seeing a beautiful bird being caged. The cage has grown some, it has more room and “more freedoms” but it’s still a cage. And what’s sad and awful to see is that Rey has resigned herself to that role. She’s a caged bird and Kylo is her jailer, refusing to let her go.

*sigh* So much suffering. I can’t wait to see all the stuff I discussed come up, because I’m sure they will!

Right, now side-comments:

Good on Hux for that blow to Kylo’s face! Not like he didn’t deserve it… *side-eyes Kylo*

I’m wondering about that General. Jehan, was it? She seems like one that doesn’t follow orders, even when she says that she ‘understands’. *narrows eyes*

Hey, Preslan!! *waves at cat*

I loved this chapter SO much. It had just the right amount of angst, comfort and fluff. We can always have smut later, but I think well-written angst and comfort come first to build a well-thought out story! Now I must be off because my lunch break is nearly done and I need to finish my lunch (which I’ve yet to touch) or risk starving for the next few hours xD

Happy writing!!

#thwarted #perrydowning #reylo #story reviews #fic updates

9 notes · View notes