#but engaging online with something that has a direct line to my heart is I guess difficult for me and im realizing that now

[romancanine]

succession has such an intense grip on my psyche that posting about it as the final season airs is genuinely painful like . it was so much easier during the hiatus because The Beast was hibernating and could not hurt me but now The Beast is prowling and Im Scareyd 

[svtminghaolove]

Announcing the engagement - Hip hop unit (SVT)

Hellooo lovlies ~ Do you guys want to know something sick I just realized when I were going to make this post? International GF masterlist has reached over a 1000(!?) notes. That’s insane. Like wow. Thank you. Wow. yeah... Well, enjoy.

Triggers: Online hate

S.Coups: You guys waited until like 3 months before the wedding until announcing it to the public.

The two of you of course started with telling the members, since half of them were in the building as you said yes. To your surprise, the guys were very surprised by the announcement. Apparently Seungcheol had told no one except from his parents and yours. But even though the guys were surprised, it was a happy one. Everyone were so happy for the two of you, and excited for what's to come.

And his parents wee just happy for the two of you, your parents on the other hand were a bit worried about the potential back lash from social media but still very happy to get Seungcheol as a son-in-law. But to be honest, you were a bit worried about the reactions the two of you would get from the fans, even though you knew that most of Carats liked you together with Seungcheol.

And when you went to the office, the two of you had to stay and talk out the "strategy" of how to deal with the news. It was a long conversation that didn't really help with your nerves.

"You okay?", Seungcheol asked as he parked the car outside your apartment complex. You tilted your head in his direction and gave him a weak smile.

"Just nervous. You're the first one in the group to get married, I don't really know what reaction to expect from the fans", you said and he leaned over and took your hand in his.

"I think they will be happy. Most of them at least", you let out a dry laugh and shook your head. "Of course there is going to be some shock, but we've been together for three and a half year, and public for two and a half. Most of them probably realized where this was going, don't underestimate Carats", he smiled and you rolled your eyes but nodded.

"Yeah, alright. You're right."

"Like always", you snorted and shoved away his hand.

"Goodnight doofus", you laughed and opened the door. "I'll call you when I get home form school tomorrow."

"Yeah, love you"

"Love you too"

And three months later the announcement was made and Seungcheol's prediction had been terribly off. Withing minutes of the announcements you started to get so much hate. People were saying that you were ruining Seungcheol's life and career, that you weren't worthy to be his wife and so on. It got to a point where you couldn't even go to class without running into people who would hurl insults at you.

And Seungcheol was devastated by the reactions, he really not expected people to react this way and found that the only way to deal with this was by doing an official live addressing the "problems" regarding his engagement to you.

He sat completely quiet for the first ten minutes of the live, just staring at the comments rolling in.

"Carats…", he breathed out, trying to keep his tears in and his anger down. "I'm so disappointed and sad about the reactions to my engagement.", he sighed and leaned forward in the chair and put his head in his hands. He went quiet for a little while, collecting his emotions.

"You guys get to have your opinion, I took the decision to become an idol and therefore parts of my private life became public. And if this announcement has somehow made you guys disappointed with me, I'm… I am following my heart here and can't say that I'm sorry for doing so, but I do accept your disappointment.", he looked up again. "But I have to draw the line now. I can't accept the fact that y/n is getting hate sent to her daily. That the last couple of days someone has been sending her threatening text, comments and such. It's become so bad that she can't even go to school anymore.",  his breath was shaking as he breathed in and he pressed his lips together in a thin line.

"If you need to get upset, take it out on me. Y/n hasn't done anything wrong, she didn't choose to become a public figure like I did. I am the one who dragged her into the spotlight, the one who chose to love her, the one who proposed to her. Blame me.", he went quiet again and read the comments. "That's all I've got to say.", and he ended the live.

After his own announcement, the hate toned down quite a lot. Some of the fans even started to speak up for you, saying that they were happy that Seungcheol was marrying someone who made him as happy as you did.

Wonwoo: The fact that the two of you had gotten engaged was a surprise to literary no one. Everyone knew that you were it for him, his family knew, your family knew, the members knew and even the fans knew that if Wonwoo was going to get married, it was going to be with you.

That also meant that it was no hurry for the two of you to announce it yet. Of course the two of you called you families, both part who was really happy for the two of you (but like said, not really surprised). Then you and Wonwoo decided to just take it easy for a couple of days, since you had the chance anyhow. You guys spent a lot of time at home just talking and dreaming about the future; When and where should the wedding be? Should it be traditional Korean or a westernized wedding? How many should you invite? Where should the honeymoon be?

The two of you got pretty caught up in your own heads, so much that Wonwoo completely forgot to inform the members about the fact that you had said yes. He had told them before the weekend that he was going to propose and by the end of the weekend the group chat were going crazy. Unluckily for the guys Wonwoo had tuned off his notifications, and the guys didn't want to call incase they would interrupt something.

So when the next practice day came he was basically ambushed by twelve curious men asking: "DID SHE SAY YES!?".

"Oh, right I forgot to text you guys, didn't I?", Wonwoo laughed softly. "Yeah, she said yes.", and cheers erupted from the guys. He was hugged, congratulated and patted on the back. And then he had to go through how he did it, Hoshi and Jeonghan wanted and reenactment but Wonwoo settled with just telling them.

You guys decided to hold on from telling Carats and the public for a few weeks as well but when then you guys announced it by posting a picture of him holding your bejeweled hand and the caption:

'Thank you for coming into my life and deciding to stay in it.

I hope Carats are as happy as we are about this

Thank you so much for everything <3'

Mingyu: Everyone close to the two of you basically already knew, I mean: DK and Hoshi were helping out getting the house ready. And Mingyu couldn't keep his mouth shut, he had talked to everyone and discussed how to get the most romantic proposal with all the members.

So since everyone had known that today was the day, it wasn't actually the two of you who spread the news that you had said yes: it was DK and Hoshi. After congratulating the two of you (and asking if it was okay to tell people) they left the two of you alone and updated the other guys on what had happened. You and Mingyu on the other hand just enjoyed each other and the first evening the two of you had been off work in a long while.

When the daybreak came your phones were filled with congratulations and a text from his manager just telling Mingyu to just say when. Both of you knew that it wouldn't be possible to keep this quiet (Because Mingyu would snitch on the two of you) for long and therefore it only took a few days before the announcement was made.

Out of all the members engagement announcements, this was probably the one who broke the most hearts. The internet got filled with teenage girls crying their hearts out in the comment sections of his Instagram, willowing in the despair of the fact that: "Mingyu won't marry meeeeeee" </3".

To be honest, the two of you just thought it was kind of cute how the fans was reaction and Mingyu just posted a picture of him pouting with the caption:

'Sorry Carat, she stole my heart before I even knew it </3'

Which… let's just say that it didn't exactly calm down the situation. (But ofc that attention-seeker loved it)

Vernon: Yeah, no the two of you didn't really do an announcement to be honest. You guys just calmly brought it up in conversations when you met the people, and everyone was excited for you, no one were really surprised but it didn't make them any less happy. But it was actually an accident found out by the fan that made the whole thing public.

The two of you had not necessarily been keeping it a secret but you hadn't really felt the need to post it on social media, but it happened when the two of you were away on a weekend trip. You had been taking pictures and videos, and had of course been posting online. By this point you'd gotten so used to the weight of the ring on your finger that both you and Vernon just forgot about it when you posted a picture of the two of you. It was a sweet picture where you were squishing Vernon's face with your hand and basically showing off your ring for the world to see.

It only took about… five minutes before the rumor were all over the internet "SEVENTEEN's Vernon engaged with long-term girlfriend, the runway model y/n"

After a quick call with PLEDIS they posted an announcement confirming the rumors, and you and Vernon posted a short explanation online. The reactions weren't that big, people was happy for you and writing that you two would have beautiful babies. You didn't really pay that much attention to what the public was saying because, let's be honest: you knew that mostly people were just teasing Vernon and getting ready to make wedding memes.

-----

Masterlist

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Taglist:@foxdaisy @pearlygraysky @cixrosie @thmrdrs

[beastlybardou]

1.) Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

I consider myself nonhuman and therian.

2.) What are your 'types?

I am a werewolf, along with death/decay conceptkin. Spotted hyenas and big brown bats also occupy kind of an in-between zone for me where they're sort of hearted-types, sort of personal symbols, and sometimes more like kintypes.

3.) Do you experience shifts? If so can you tell us your most common shifts and your strongest cameo shift?

I do experience shifts! Quite a lot. I think the strongest shift I've ever had was when I did shrooms and completely lost all words or sense of myself as a human, ran out into the full moon night and scrambled through a hole in a fence into the woods following the sound of coyotes howling. Under normal conditions, though, my most common shifts are small mental shifts and the phantom sense of my full werewolf form enclosing my human body.

As for cameo shifts, I fairly often have one of a big cat's tail lashing behind me. Leftovers from my Warrior Cats days perhaps.

4.) How do you experience your alterhumanity in your everyday life?

I know it sounds kind of stupid when I say it out loud, but because I'm nonhuman, I think I live my nonhumanity at all times in my life. Everything I do or think I am doing as a werewolf, and that makes it a part of my nonhumanity. That being said, my more traditional answer to this question is that I am constantly a little bit shifted, and I let it show in small ways. I move slightly animalistically, I eat like a wolf (to the best of my ability), I like to dress in my fur colors and in breathable functional clothes that give me full range of motion, I work in a job that has me around my prey animals all the time and gives me a direct line to hunting opportunities and fresh wild game, and I try to give myself a few times a week to just fuck off into the woods and be an animal for a while.

5.) What do you think of the community?

Some good, some bad. I certainly wouldn't be where I am today without it. I met my mate and some of my closest friends here. I first started getting into vulture culture from here, which led me to my career. I even learned a lot about how to just be myself irl from feeling how nice it was to be free online from being here. However I will say the way the community is centered on the internet has definitely upped my screen time and used up a lot of hours I probably could have been doing something a bit more productive, and the drama used to take a lot out of me when I engaged with it.

These days, the community feels a lot more commercialized than it did when I joined. There's lots of suggestions to just buy stuff or play video games or make content online, and I would love to see some more focus on spending time with yourself and with nature rather than filling it with things all the time, and I miss the heavy focus on knowing your kintype and their ecology deeply.

But that's all nostalgia, and God knows the old community had its problems, too. Just because I feel out of touch with what makes up the "mainstream" of content these days doesn't mean that the whole thing is bad. I'm glad people who do like that content are having fun, and there are still pockets of what I like to see, too.

Overall, I love the community.

6.) What are the things that make you feel the most comfortable in your identity and give you species euphoria?

Just relaxing outside at night tbh. There's nothing better for me than laying down in the grass under the stars and smelling the sage and cedar and distant hay and cows on the wind, listening to the cicadas, screech owls and coyotes all around and being able to pinpoint where each sound is coming from, feeling the wind on my fur, and trying to just feel the interactions of the world all around me and shifting my perspective away from clear human thoughts and letting my instincts dictate what to do.

7.) Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

I do. A lot. In the past, my dysphoria has driven me to the point of being suicidal. These days it's usually not that bad, but I still have moments where the fact that I truly do have to live out the rest of my life like this hits me like a truck and I don't recognize my flat face in the mirror. My brain creates memories of myself shifting and tells me that it will happen again, but deep down, I know they must be fake, and that I'll probably never live the werewolf life of my dreams even though I know the blood for it is in my body and affects me through and through.

8.) What advice would you give a young alterhuman who's just awakened?

You live your alterhumanity for *you* and not for anyone else. Do what feels right for you, and don't worry about needing other people to think that you're "valid" or whatever. Happiness and comfort in who you are comes from yourself. Not anyone else.

Also, the online aspect of the community is great for research! But you don't need to be throwing your whole self into the internet immediately. Take some time to research, learn new terms, read some personal essays and experiences from people that have been in the community longer than you have, but don't feel the need to start posting everything about your own experiences and thoughts right away. Take some time to yourself to find your own peace and understanding first. It's not your job to come in fresh off of your awakening and already know everything and do everything perfect and perform alterhumanity for everyone else.

9.) Do you have or want any gear?

I have quite a few tails, a pair of ears, and some talismans that I consider gear as well! I'm not crazy about gear, but it can be a really fun way to show your nonhuman pride sometimes!

As far as gear for showing pride goes, I'm always looking for more little werewolf pins and patches to throw on my bag and jackets. I also have a hyena foreleg left over from work that I want to mount into a wearable paw over my hand.

For gear that helps with my dysphoria, I am planning on getting a top and bottom set of custom wolf-like fangs someday. I want those short and subtle enough that I can wear them every day without it being immediately obvious that I'm wearing fangs, but still there enough to look a little inhuman and give me a sharper bite. I also want to make myself a pair of functional clawed leather gloves that I can scratch things up with and use as a weapon. If a tapetum lucidum implant ever becomes available and safe I would love to get that.

10.) Do you have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity?

Yes, but it would take up a long ass post to write all down ^^;

In short, though, I think it has a psychological aspect from trauma and neurodivergence, a spiritual aspect through magic existing in nature and giving gifts to people that pay attention to it, and a physical aspect through werewolf genetics running in my bloodline from Ireland.

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[jesse-eisenberg-interview]

Jesse Eisenberg to direct ’A Real Pain’, will star opposite Kieran Culkin (exclusive)

Jesse Eisenberg has set his next feature as writer-director – A Real Pain – and is lining up a March 2023 shoot in Warsaw, Poland.

Eisenberg will lead the cast alongside Succession star Kieran Culkin. The story will follow two estranged cousins who travel to Poland after their grandmother dies to see where she came from and end up joining a Holocaust tour.

Dave McCary, Emma Stone and Ali Herting’s US production company Fruit Tree will reunite with Eisenberg after producing his feature directing debut When You Finish Saving The World, which premiered online at Sundance this year and went on to play Cannes.

Speaking to Screen about the main characters Eisenberg said “They have a funny, fraught relationship; it’s a bittersweet story, as we realise maybe we don’t fully belong together, but against the backdrop of this incredibly dramatic history.

“I’m trying to ask the question is modern pain valid against the backdrop of real historical trauma. I think I’m speaking to the experience of people [in their 30s] who go back and it’s foreign to them – and now suddenly real.”

Eisenberg said he is hoping to use “as much of the crew as I can bring” from his first film alongside Polish crew. “Luckily I’m shooting in a country that has an amazing film tradition.”

The actor-filmmaker comes from a secular Jewish background and his ancestry traces back to Poland. His acting roles include 2020 biographical drama Resistance, about the French mime Marcel Marceau’s role in the French Resistance during the Second World War.

Eisenberg is attending Sarajevo Film Festival this week, where he accepted the honorary Heart of Sarajevo award on Monday and has since participated in a ‘Coffee with..’ discussion and masterclass session.

Social status

Having received international acclaim and a best actor Oscar nomination for playing Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in 2010’s The Social Network, Eisenberg’s first film as director has a lead character who is obsessed with his social media following.

However he personally avoids that realm. “I have probably the most cynical attitude a person could have – especially a person in media,” he said. “My attitude stems from the fact that I’m a very public person, so I really try to maintain privacy in my personal life. So I’m completely befuddled when I see somebody posting something about the personal life on the internet, because to me it seems like you have the greatest luxury in the world, of privacy.

“Why the hell would you put yourself in a bikini eating spaghetti on the internet?”

Regarding Zuckerberg and how social media has changed the world in the 12 years since the film, Eisenberg said, “I don’t feel that he was thinking of changing the world for the better. He’s not seen as this benevolent force for social change. So that is concerning to me – that something with so much power and influence didn’t start with the intentions of some kind of social benevolence. So that kind of worries me.”

He also addressed the encroachment of social media on the acting profession – specifically the issue of actors and actresses being asked to show social media followings when auditioning for roles. “I’m so lucky I started acting before that became a thing, because I would’ve maybe been at a disadvantage,” he said. “I guess now it’s just part of the thing – I don’t know, that’s sad.”

On casting the plays he has written and When You Finish Saving The World, Eisenberg said: “I would look up an actor and sometimes they’d write something online that was so strange. You almost feel like, ‘I wish I didn’t know that about this person. They’re fantastic, I wish I didn’t know that they have an opinion about this random politician.’

“It just feels weird and distracting, and takes away from this wonderful thing actors have, which is [that] you can be mysterious in your personal life, so that when the public sees you in a role, they can engage with it as something new. That has completely disappeared.”

A24 holds US rights to When You Finish Saving The World and has not yet set a release date. Eisenberg said he tries “to stay uninvolved” in all distribution discussions – “it has nothing to do with anything that I’m good at” – and doesn’t watch himself on screen. He added that sometimes he doesn’t even know when his films come out.

Sarajevo Film Festival continues until Friday (August 19).

SOURCE

[isthisthingeven0n]

yellow : s.r

after a mission that targets couples, spencer realises how much you truly mean to him back home (4.1k oops) 

shameless plug but i have an etsy shop (10% off on tote bags until 2nd december!) 

criminal minds masterlist 

(also the case idea is just something i came up with! please do not steal my ideas/work or repost elsewhere without permission. thank you!) 

Warmth. That was the first thing you noticed when you woke up. Warmth radiating from the sunlight filtering through your blinds, warmth from your boyfriend who you were curled up against and warmth from your cheeks as the events of last night replay in your mind.

Yet, as always, those are short lived once your alarm clock sounds.

Spencer stirs upon hearing the repetitive beeping. His arm tightens around your waist as you move away to press snooze and his breath fans across your neck as he chuckles.

“Good morning,” He whispers, shuffling to kiss your jaw sweetly until you turn to face him. “every morning I’m amazed at how beautiful you look.” Spencer admits candidly.

“That’s because I haven’t opened my mouth yet and you can’t smell my morning breath.” You mutter, unable to take him seriously as his curls point in every direction and sleep laces his tone. “You’re something else, you know that, Spence?” You chuckle, lifting an arm up as you brush your hand across his face.

Humming in response, Spencer begins to open his eyes. “You know, around 50% of adults in America suffer from morning breath, the ADA has researched it’s caused by bacteria in your mouth building from food particles between your teeth, gum line and tongue.” He explains, watching as you roll your eyes. “And yes, I do know I’m something else, you tell me most days, except yesterday.” A smile lines Spencer’s lips as he pictures the exact moment. “Yesterday you called me a fucking God.” He chuckles as you groan, lifting your hands to cover your face.

“Please, just forget that.” You tell him through your hands whilst Spencer shuffles as his body rests above yours.

“Y/n, open your eyes.” He whispers, and as you move your hands Spencer leans down, kissing you softly. Pulling away, he sighs happily. “I love you, but I need to brush my teeth.” He announces and rises from bed, heading to the bathroom as your laughter lines the corridor.

The sound of your phone buzzing interrupts your thoughts as you reach over and unlock it. For a moment you allow your eyes to adjust to the brightness glaring into your retinas.

“Spence?” You call out as you force yourself from the cocoon of your bed as you shove your feet into your slippers.

As you exit your bedroom, you meet Spencer halfway to the bathroom as he looks at you with wide eyes whilst a toothbrush hangs out of his mouth, toothpaste marking the corners of his lips.

“Penelope texted me, she assumed your phone was downstairs,” Which was true, and Penelope knew Spencer well enough to know such. “you’ve got a case.” You tell him with a heavy heart as Spencer’s face falls and nods.

Retreating back to the bathroom, Spencer spits the toothpaste out as he looks at his reflection. He knew this was his job, and you both knew the hours weren’t the typical nine to five. But for once, Spencer wanted to be selfish and stay with you for the weekend that he promised you.

“Hey,” You speak up as you wrap your arms around Spencer’s waist as you rest your head on his back. “it’s okay, you can make it up to me another time.” You reassure him as you rise to your tiptoes, kissing his bare shoulder. “I’ll go make you a coffee.” You add as your arms slink from Spencer’s waist as he finishes brushing his teeth and turns the shower on.

“Or, you could join me?” Spencer pipes up, a mischievous smile lacing his lips as you pause before turning on your heels.

“Spencer Reid, are you suggesting I accompany you in the shower?” You feign shock, resting your hand on your chest as your lips part whilst Spencer’s tongue glides over his lips for a moment, that rare glint crossing his gaze.

“I’m suggesting we save water, last year alone over 2.5 billion people were living in areas of drought, and that’s not including-” Cutting Spencer off, you remove your dressing gown and slippers.

“Alright, I give in.” You wave him off. “It’s too early to listen to your statistics.”

*

“Morning, sorry to call you all in during the weekend.” Hotch starts as everyone takes a seat around the table, Spencer trying his best to suppress his yawn as he drinks the coffee you made him just before he forgot it as he left. “Garcia?”

“Right yes,” Penelope gathers herself as everyone opens their tablets whilst Spencer flicks through the physical case file. “over the last two months, there have been three murders of married couples,” Penelope begins to explain as she displays images of the three couples. “our first couple were newlyweds, married for two weeks before they were kidnapped and tortured before dying from lacerations to their throats which I will not be looking at on the screen.”

“Same MO for all three couples?” JJ asks, and Penelope sighs as she nods in response.

“That is correct, our latest couple were discovered placed back in their bedroom this morning when their daughter arrived home from a sleepover to discover her parents,” Penelope trails off as Hotch rises to his feet.

“Wheels up in 15, we’re going to Phoenix.” Hotch states as he walks out of the room, slowly followed by everyone else.

“Take it your romantic plans aren’t happening, kid?” Rossi speaks up as Spencer follows him out from the conference room.

Spencer shakes his head. “We’re going to try again next weekend if we can,” A sigh leaves Spencer’s lips as he grabs his go back, throwing it over his shoulder. “but she’s just, so understanding.” He admits, and Rossi whistles.

“Says more than my ex-wives.” Rossi comments.

“How is my sweet Y/n?” Penelope asks as she follows the team toward the elevator, JJ chuckling with Tara.

“She is just fine, Penelope. But she does miss you, don’t worry.” Spencer tells Penelope who beams happily as he makes it into the elevator.

“Well, I’ll make sure she’s safe whilst your gone, goodbye my crimefighters!” Penelope waves as the metal doors close on everyone, and that familiar silence falls over all of them as they begin to pick apart the case.

*

Arriving in Phoenix, Hotch splits the team up and Spencer is paired with JJ to go to the morgue.

“Based on victimology, our unsub targets the wives first, looking at our first victim, Charlotte Yestley, the bruising on her wrists and ankles is much darker than her husbands.” Spencer explains as the ME returns with the reports.

JJ hums as she leans closer. “But overall the damage on Charlotte is cleaner than on Michael. The laceration on Charlotte’s neck was done in one motion, whereas Michael has multiple lacerations and stab wounds covering his torso.”

“Cause of death for both was the loss of blood from the laceration to the neck.” The ME states. “Charlotte Yestley died within minutes whereas Michael would’ve bled out for at least an hour.”

“So he’s torturing the husbands, could be symbolic? Maybe our unsub was married, lost his wife and is looking at couples who have what he no longer does?” JJ suggests.

“I’m not sure, I’ll call Garcia and see if she can find anything out about the Yestley’s.” Spencer exits the room as he calls Garcia, leaving JJ to discuss with the ME the toxicology report.

“Go for Garcia,” Penelope answers the phone.

“Garcia can you look into the Yestley’s personal life, considering they were newlyweds there must be something online about them.” Spencer asks as Penelope types away.

“I’ve got hundreds of photos appearing across social media platforms from the past five years of them both. It seems they met in college and then split up after they graduated, got engaged two years ago and were married at the Hillsong Church. Intimate celebration, close family, two bridesmaids and a best man.” Penelope reels off, and Spencer nods to himself.

“I’ll call Hotch, see if we can talk to the bridesmaids and best man,” Spencer tells Garcia. “thanks, Penelope.”  

After investigating further, the team had conducted it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows between the Yestley’s. In fact, days before the wedding it was nearly called off by Charlotte as she caught her fiance with another woman.

“What if that’s it?” Rossi speaks up as the team sit in the room the local PD helped them set up. “Cheating, being disloyal.”

JJ glances over to Spencer, seeing the cogs whirring away in his brain. “Rossi, you and Lewis spoke with the Littlewoods daughter, right?” Spencer asks as he walks over to the board, looking through all of the photos.

“Yeah, she said how her parents weren’t sharing a bed anymore, they were in the process of separating.” Tara comments and Hotch straightens up as Spencer turns on his heels.

“Rossi is right, it’s all about being disloyal. The unsub is projecting onto these couples, finding out about their personal lives or seeing snippets of them and punishing them for cheating or harming one another.” Spencer explains, and Hotch nods as he glances around at the rest of the team.

“I think we’re ready to deliver the profile, guys.” Hotch states as he closes his case file, heading out to speak with the deputy.

*

“So, how’s it going?” Your voice filled with curiosity is the only thing that can soothe Spencer’s thoughts as he lies down on the firm hotel mattress.

A long exhale leaves Spencer’s lips. “We’ve delivered the profile, now we’re just trying to narrow the search down.” Spencer explains, hearing the faint sound of the TV playing in your house. “How was work today?”

“Same old same old.” You chuckle as you busy yourself, unable to sit still without him at home with you. “My Mom came by earlier, she says hi.” You add shyly, despite having been together for two years, your parents visiting was an infrequent occurrence.

A small smile forms on Spencer’s lips as he listens to you, the normality he craves in his life. “How is she? Did your Dad abandon her like last time at the airport?” He asks through the line as he closes his eyes, listening to your story as you ramble on about all the things your Mom picked out about your house and about Spencer.

“And then she had the cheek to say you’re never here! Like, where is my Dad?” You scoff, hearing a gentle hum on the other end of the line. “Sorry, I got a bit lost there.”

“S’okay.” Spencer mumbles, his eyes unable to open again. “I’m hoping we’ll be flying back within the next week, sorry.”

You finally pause as you rest your hand on the back of Spencer’s beloved armchair beside his old bookcase. Forcing your smile to remain in place, you nod to yourself. “I get that, serial killers don’t have a care for date nights and the lives of others.” You laugh dryly, something that doesn’t go undetected by Spencer.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Spencer whispers to you, picturing you in front of him when he opens his eyes, only to be greeted by the tap leaking in his bathroom sink.

“Just, keep safe and find the son of a bitch, yeah?” You mutter. “I love you, Spencer.” You add, moving to sit in his armchair as you wrap his blanket around him, his aftershave weaved into the fabric.

“I love you too.” He whispers.

As you hang up, the tiredness Spencer previously had has vanished as he faces the ceiling, staring at the Artex wishing you could be by his side.

*

“Another couple has been taken from their home,” Hotch announces as he enters the conference room, everyone turning to look at him. “Maria King, 81 and Jacob King, 85. Their neighbour suspected something was wrong when they noticed their front door was wide open.”

“So our unsub has taken them to a secondary location?” JJ asks as Hotch nods in response.

“We’ve got a lead currently on where they might be held, but we’ll have to move quickly.” Hotch states as he exits the conference room, the rest of the team filing out straight to the lockers.

There was an unsteady tension in the two SUV’s on the drive to the abandoned farmhouse. Everyone was thinking the same thing, why the unsub would take an elderly couple.

“He’s clearly escalating from our profile.” Tara states as she sits in the passenger seat. “Garcia, was there any sign of an affair from either Maria or Jacob King?”

The sound of Penelope rapidly typing echoes through the line until it suddenly stops. “Nope, Maria and Jacob recently celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary, and it seems they’ve never been more in love.” Sadness coats Penelope’s voice as she looks through the photos of the couple. “The owner of the farmhouse is Tyler Edwards, however, Edwards sold the property last month to Lewis Wise. Unlike his name, Lewis was not the wisest in life. It seems that his wife, Clara, was on her way home from a business trip and died in a car crash.” Penelope explains, but a small gasp leaves her lips.

“What is it, Garcia?” Spencer chimes in, and the sound of typing increases.

“Well, turns out Clara was not coming back from a business trip, but instead her lover, Daniel Lovatt.”

“That could be our trigger,” Tara states. “Wise loses his wife and discovers she’s been having an affair.”

“How long ago did Clara die, Garcia?” Hotch asks, nearing the entrance to the property.

Humming, Penelope quickly answers. “Two months ago.”

“Same time the murders started.” Spencer mutters as they prepare to exit the SUV.

“Please let them be alive.” Penelope mutters to herself, closing the photos of the elderly couple from her monitors.  

Arriving at the farmhouse, the faint sound of screams could be heard as the team exit the SUV’s.

“JJ, you, Lewis and Rossi take the back entrance, Reid, we’ll go through the front.” Hotch explains, and with everyone in understanding, the team split up.

Following Hotch, Reid tried not to focus on the cries for help from the strained voices inside.

“Just, shut up!” The unsub exclaims.

“Please, my wife, she’s hurt. We need help.” A new voice, Jacob King cries out to the unsub.

“She won’t need help for much longer, I can promise you that.” A sick laugh follows and Hotch kicks the door down, running forward with his gun aimed at the unsub.

“FBI, drop the weapon!” Hotch yells as the unsub is standing behind Maria, his knife against her neck as her eyes continue to drop, she’s already losing blood.

“Lewis, just drop the knife. This couple, they’ve done nothing wrong.” Spencer speaks up, seeing the rest of the team enter from the back of the farmhouse, slowly walking forward, guns aimed at Wise.

“They have! Look at them, they, they hate each other!” Lewis spews as Jacob sobs quietly, his fingers intertwined with Maria’s.

“No, they don’t. Lewis, I know what happened to your wife, and I’m so sorry.” Spencer hesitantly steps forward, Hotch keeping his eyes trained on Wise. “But you don’t have to do this, there’s another option.” Spencer’s voice remains soft as he glances down to the couple and flashes a brief smile.

“I can’t, they need to be punished.” Lewis states as a whimper leaves Maria’s lips.

“Lewis, just put the knife down and we’ll talk.” Spencer reasons. “Here, I’ll put my gun down, how about that?” Spencer slowly lowers his gun to the floor, ignoring the worried looks from his team behind Lewis.

“But they are bad people.” Lewis repeats, his eyes darting from the couple to Spencer. “I, I won’t let them get away with it.” Lewis yells, and before he’s able to apply more pressure to Maria’s neck, shots are fired and Lewis falls backwards.

“Oh my god,” Jacob cries as his wife falls into his embrace.

“We need medics here, now!” Hotch speaks into his earpiece whilst Spencer rushes over, quickly followed by JJ.

“Medic’s are coming, you’ll both be all right.” JJ assures the couple as Maria looks up at Jacob with such adoration as he wipes her tears.

“I’ll always love you, Maria.” Jacob tells his wife as she shushes him. “No, no let me say this,” His voice cracks, and JJ looks up at the sound of sirens in the distance. “you were my first love, and you’ll always be my last.” Jacob sniffs as Spencer keeps pressure on the stab wound on her side, trying to ignore how blood is seeping through her top.

“I love you,” Maria breathes out as her eyes start to close, but Jacob protests.

“Don’t go yet honey, there’s so much more for us to do.” Jacob cries out, just as the medics arrive.

Stepping back, JJ rests her arm on Spencer as she guides him out from the farmhouse as they join the rest of the team, witnessing Lewis Wise being taken away.

“You okay, Spence?” JJ looks up as Spencer focuses on the police car as it drives away, his gaze shifting to the Kings sat in the back of the ambulance, still together, holding hands.

“Yeah, yeah.” Spencer nods, tearing his eyes from the couple as the image of you crosses his mind. “Just thinking about a few things, that’s all.”

“Wanna share?” JJ enquires, raising a brow to Spencer.

Yet, a small smile forms on Spencer’s lips as he shacks his head. “Maybe some other time, let’s go.”

*

For the entire flight home, Spencer could only think of one thing; you.

As soon as they arrived back at HQ, Garcia enveloped the team into a tight hug. “Oh thank god, you’re all safe and home.” She gushed as the team entered the bullpen one by one, Spencer last.

“Our angel came in yesterday for a visit.” Penelope speaks up as she walks alongside Spencer into the bullpen.

“She did?” The surprise is evident in Spencer’s tone, in the two years you’ve been together, you’ve visited the bureau a grand total of three times.

Penelope nods, trying to hide her growing smile. “She erm, left you something on your desk.” With that, Penelope rushes over to the others, having a hushed conversation whilst Spencer nears his desk.

Standing in front of it, nothing looks out of place. He knows exactly where he left the seventeen case files on the right-hand side just below his phone set. The pen pot still has three blue pens and two black, his monitor is off and the keyboard is parallel to the mouse.

“What did she leave?” Spencer calls out to Penelope as he spins in his chair, looking over as the team stand together, trying not to make it obvious they’re spying on him.

“Erm, try the second drawer?” Penelope answers and Spencer nods before turning back to his desk and opens the second drawer down.

Inside is an envelope with his name written across the front. Lifting it up, Spencer wastes no time opening it like a child on Christmas day, revealing an invitation for dinner, tomorrow night.

Unable to hide it, a blush rises through Spencer’s cheeks as he chuckles under his breath. You always have been one for extravagances, but that’s just one of the many things he loves about you.

Rising to his feet, Spencer slips the invitation into his satchel. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Bye, Spencer!” Penelope waves as Spencer tries to hide his eagerness to get home as he lightly jogs to the lift, his foot tapping against the floor as he waits for the doors to open.

Once they do, he slides in and once out of sight, the team turn their attention back to Penelope.

“What was in that envelope?” Rossi raises a brow to the tech wiz who merely shrugs her shoulders.

“I have no idea, Y/n knows better than to tell me these things.” Penelope explains, but there’s a hesitance in her tone the team know all too well. “But I may have taken a look at her recent search history and found out she’s booked a table for 7pm tomorrow evening at Spencer’s favourite restaurant.”

JJ chuckles to herself as she pats Penelope’s arm. “Couldn’t keep out, could you?”

Lowering her head in defeat, Penelope nods.

“Come on, how about a drink to celebrate another case?” Rossi suggests, and the team all gratefully agree. “And maybe Penelope will spill what else she knows about the future Mr and Mrs Reid.”

*

Pulling up outside of your apartment building, Spencer releases a shaky breath as he heads up to your floor, having the route memorised after your third date together.

As he stands outside of the apartment door, he reaches into his worn satchel for the key as music begins to play inside.

He doesn’t recognise the tune, but the faint sound of you singing along is something ingrained in his mind and hopes to never forget.

Unlocking the front door, Spencer quietly steps in as your singing becomes louder and more energetic as the beat of the song increases.

Unable to wipe the smile from his face, Spencer wanders through toward the kitchen and hovers in the doorway. There you’re dancing, holding a spatula in one hand as a microphone whilst wearing one of Spencer’s old shirts. You’re so carefree, without worry or sight of the missions Spencer endures, you’re not exposed to the graphic crime scenes or twisted minds of their unsubs. You are just you, and Spencer adores it.

“And it was called ‘Yellow’ So I took-” Turning on your heels you yell, throwing the spatula at Spencer. “Christ, Spence!” You laugh, running your fingers through your hair as you exhale shakily. “You scared me, when did you get in?”

Rushing over to him, you wrap your arms tightly around Spencer, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

For a moment, Spencer just holds you close, not wanting to respond. He always misses you when he goes away on cases, but coming back to you is always bittersweet.

“A few minutes ago, I could hear you singing and wanted to witness it without interruption.” He explains as you loosen your grip around him, relaxing your hands on his hips as you look up at his tired face.

“I missed you, goof.” You mutter as Spencer’s hand rises to your cheek, caressing it softly as you hum, leaning against it.

Faintly, the radio continues to play as you sway with Spencer before he leans down and kisses you. As always with Spencer, it begins as a delicate kiss as if he could break you, but as your arms rise to behind his neck, it deepens into something more passionate.

You smirk at the sound of him moaning quietly before pulling away. “Come on then, we’ve got time before dinners ready.” You wink, guiding him up the stairs as he chases behind you.

Lying in his arms, slightly sweaty, Spencer moves your hair from your face. Your eyes are growing heavy, and suddenly the words from Jacob King cross his mind as he held Maria in his arms, begging her to stay awake.

“You were my first love, and you’ll always be my last.”

Spencer mutters your name as you hum in response, opening your eyes as you look up at him. Outside, the sunset is peaking through your blinds, but this time it’s blinding you instead of him.

Squinting up to him, Spencer breathes a laugh. “I just want you to know, you’re my everything, and I know we don’t do emotional speeches because neither of us can finish without crying, but I love you, Y/n. And, I always will because you’re my sunshine, you’re the stars that glow in the night sky, though stars don’t actually glow as they’re mere-”

“Spence,” You mutter, shuffling in his arms to lean on your elbows, paying close attention to him as his eyes flicker over yours.

“Sorry, I, well, you’re my yellow. You radiate joy when I come home from missions and you never pry, you always give me time to explain when I’m ready. My family, the BAU adore you, I’m pretty sure Penelope might book us a wedding venue and arrange a wedding soon.” You laugh lightly, knowing it would be the case with Penelope. “And I just love you.”

A tear slips from Spencer’s eye, barely having a chance to fall before you wipe it away.

“I love you too Spencer Reid.” You sniff, tears glazing in your eyes as they glow in the sunlight. “And I’ll forever be grateful to be your yellow.” You whisper, curling up into his arms as he kisses the top of your head, wishing this moment would never end.

[cosplayinamerica]

Princess Daisy : pencils_and_pincushions // photo: that_fedora_photographer

I’m a Canadian cosplayer who has been cosplaying since 2007. I’ve had a love for Victorian fashion since I very young age (my little kid brain basically made the connection that Victorian dresses = women dressing like Disney princesses IRL), but the thing that kickstarted my desire to learn sewing was going to a fabric store with my mother when I was in my senior year of high school and seeing a Butterick pattern catalogue that had Victorian-inspired costumes. Almost instantly I had a lightbulb moment that if I learned to sew, I could actually wear those big fancy gowns I loved.   

I entered university and, over the next few years, spent my free time reading and learning everything I could about sewing. In 2007, my best friend invited me to Anime North - she was going as a gothic lolita-inspired version of the Queen of Hearts, so I decided I would make a Mad Hatter to accompany her.

I was so excited that I jumped in completely head-first, and it ended up being my first foray into both sewing and pattern drafting. In hindsight it was wildly ambitious for a first project (and I’m still a little surprised that I actually pulled it off!), but I’m so glad that my enthusiasm made me persevere and psh through the challenges, because I learned a ton from that experience and ended up with a cosplay I was thrilled with.

I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time and being so happy when I realized I’d been able to bring something to life from my imagination. When my friend and I got to the con, things only got better from there - the atmosphere was so energetic and colourful thanks to all the amazing cosplays, and it was filled with so many fun, enthusiastic, and friendly people. From that day I was officially hooked on cosplay.

I’m part of the Toronto Steampunk Society and, each year at Fan Expo Canada, we hold an Annual Costume Challenge where we pick a theme and encourage people to make a costume based on the theme. A couple of years ago, the theme was ‘steampunk video game characters’ and one of my friends in the TSS, Modern Myths Cosplay, thought it would be cute to do Princess Peach and Princess Daisy.

I loved the idea and, after more discussion, we decided to do a steampunk twist on the Super Smash Bros Brawl version since it was fancier and seemed to lend itself well to a steampunk interpretation. Though Daisy isn’t officially in Brawl, my friend was fortunately able to dig up some fan edits of Peach in Daisy’s colours, so with that we were set.

I usually make my outfits myself, but since my friend and I wanted to ensure our cosplays matched, we decided to work collaboratively and divide things: I would create the bodices and accessories for both gowns, and she would create the skirts and crinolines.

I started off by drafting the base bodice patterns. Since I draft all my costumes, I used my existing bodice block/master patterns for myself and drafted a bodice block from scratch for my friend based on her measurements. One neat thing about working this way was that it basically turned into a girls’ weekend where I was able to teach my friend more about pattern drafting, which ended up making the process unexpectedly fun and memorable.

After I finished fitting my friend’s bodice block, I got to work drafting our bodice patterns based on the reference pics we had collected. Being able to tackle both bodices ended up working well since it enabled me to draft them in a way that made them visually match identical while taking our respective body shapes into account.

A couple of mockups and fittings later, we had an idea of how much fabric we needed, so we went fabric shopping. My friend suggested that we go with richer, more regal-looking tones instead of strictly game-accurate colours, so when we found a place selling gorgeous peau de soie and sparkle organza, I was instantly sold on a gold and burnt orange colour scheme.

We split the fabric based on our respective portions and worked on them separately. I cut and sewed the bodices, which was fairly straight forward but time-consuming! The part that sticks in my mind the most was the center front panel because it had so many pieces and layers - two types of satin, two types of organza (including one that had to be ruched to the base panel in multiple places), five rows of lace, interfacing...and that doesn’t even include the lining!

I also created our jewelry and crowns. The brooches and earrings were made from filigree settings that I painted, glued gems, and attached pin backs and earring hooks to, and the crowns are made from craft foam painted in gold acrylic, with embellishments assembled from painted filigree stampings and gems.

My friend created our cage skirts from 1/4 PEX pipe and brown grosgrain ribbon, which ended up being the perfect hoop skirt material since it was cheap, lightweight, and strong enough to support the huge, heavy skirts. She cut and sewed our skirts (including attaching meters and meters of trim that I’d painted white to better match the game colours) and she also made our bloomers.

The gowns were a huge undertaking and, thanks to work and general real life eating up time, we did end up engaging in the dreaded con crunch, but fortunately in the end we were able to get them to a state where they were pretty and wearable!

The response at the convention was absolutely amazing - I don’t think I’ve ever had a costume elicit the reactions that Princess Daisy did. We figured that, since we were cosplaying the princesses from Mario, there was a good chance we might be recognized, but the thing I wasn’t prepared for was how genuinely happy and excited people were, especially when they saw us together. We literally had kids waving at us from across the street when they spotted us.

Even grown-ups loved it - we were frequently stopped for pictures, and even a couple of the folks in the dealer’s room who were running booths would break into huge smiles and ask for pictures. Plus, people loved the steampunk twist and were delighted when they realized how much our costumes matched.

The best, most heartwarming response to my Princess Daisy cosplay happened when I met up with some other friends and one tapped me on the shoulder, pointed behind me and said, “I think she wants a picture with the princess.” I turned around and, standing a few feet away, was this adorable, super shy little black girl who was staring in my direction. My heart instantly melted and I went over to her and had a little chat and took a picture with her.

As a black cosplayer who has run several panels on BIPOC cosplay and spoken about the importance of diversity and representation in cosplay, being able to show that sweet little girl that someone who looks like her can be a princess - and showing kids of other races that Princess Daisy can be black - was a vivid reminder that representation does matter.

Since I got into the hobby, cosplay has been a big part of my life and has positively impacted me in so many ways. It has been an incredible creative outlet that has given me the chance to express myself, and it has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people - many of whom are now among my closest friends. However, I think one of the most rewarding things about cosplay has been how it has allowed me to provide BIPOC cosplay representation and visibility within my local cosplay community. I often do Afro-steampunk cosplay, and one of the most unexpectedly moving things I’ve experienced has been other BIPOC saying to me that seeing my outfits make them feel like they can cosplay.

It has been humbling and has motivated me to get more involved in the cons I attend. For the past several years I’ve run panels on diversity in cosplay/steampunk as well as sewing and cosplay construction, which has enabled me to share the knowledge and skills I’ve learned. I also lead the steampunk section of the Anime North Fashion Show, and I’ve made a point to recruit as diverse a roster of models as possible. I’m happy that we’ve been able to showcase steampunk looks inspired by various cultures including Chinese, Indian, and Morrocan.

Another plus is that the sewing skills I’ve learned from cosplay have come in handy in other areas of my life. It has been fun - and surprisingly empowering - to be at a point where I can use my sewing ability to create one-of-a-kind outfits for formal work events (like office holiday parties) that make me feel pretty and confident.

Something I’ve frequently mentioned during my BIPOC cosplay/steampunk panels is that the simple act of showing up to a con or event in cosplay can have an impact because you never know how much that visibility can inspire other BIPOC to get into the hobby, so my advice to anyone wanting to get into cosplay is to do it! Overall I have found it to be a fun, creative, energizing experience.

While I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had overwhelmingly positive experiences while cosplaying, I recognize that, unfortunately, BIPOC do sometimes face harassment and outright racist comments (especially online) that can make getting into the hobby seem scary. Finding welcoming, supportive spaces in person and online can be a big help (the POC Cosplay group on Facebook is great for this) - plus, thanks to things like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay, there is more visibility and inspiration out there than ever before.

The other thing I’d add is to treat each cosplay as a learning experience. Being able to work so closely with my friend on creating a cosplay was a completely different creation process than I’m used to, and it was really cool to be able to learn from each other’s different working styles and experience. It was great to teach her pattern drafting and see how happy she was to learn skills she could apply to future cosplays, and I was so excited when she showed me her PEX pipe hoop skirt method. Looking back on my Princess Daisy cosplay makes me smile because it’s almost like a physical representation of the fun we have cosplaying together.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 04

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap

A/N: i’m sorry i’ve taken so long to update, i’ve started my online internship and for the past 24 hours i’ve been looking at papers about various medicines so i had to give myself a break 😂 hope you enjoy this one xx

NEXT CHAPTER

Sebastian hated to miss the opportunity to see Y/N go through a whole lot of various dresses, however, working with clueless idiots meant he had to drive straight to his place for an impromptu meeting. It was boring to say the least and at the end of it, he didn’t feel like getting dressed up with a silly mask and host a ball in the reception of some sleezy hotel. However, appearances mattered and although most people had known he was bethroted prior to before him even knowing him, he still had to parade around with Genevieve as if they were the happiest couple on Earth. They weren’t and they would never be.

For starters, Sebastian despised the tactics applied by the Forrests when running their business with absolute trust in everyone who worked for them. Additionally, both his prior encounters with Genevieve had been awful and none of them were really interested in keeping the facade of happy couple behind closed doors.

However, he had to admit that having Y/N parading around as a direct consequence of his future wedding was no bad thing. He had a sly smile as he sat against his chair, thinking about her. He found her delightfully naive and extremely sheltered for someone who followed Gwen around like a lost puppy. There was something extremely captivating in seeing a woman who was untainted by the environment she lived in and due to his extremely good sharp-eye he had mostly memorised her reactions. How she would bring her hand up to only her left cheek when she felt embarrassed, the constant lip bitting which on its own could possibly attract all the unwanted attention in a room, the constant pulling and smoothing of her clothing fabrics whenever standing next to someone of power ... If it was an act, well, then she was a very good actress.

He would’ve probably been stuck in the mindless act of thinking about someone who’d probably run to the hills at the mere thought of being intimate with him, had it not been for the clock in the wall showing that it was already time for him to possibly get ready.

Sebastian got changed out of his suit into a new one, grabbing the mask on his way out and proceeded to pace the floors of his living room expecting Gwen. Of course, part of him was only pacing the floors and not in the car because he wanted to take a quick peak at his fiancée’s handmaid but he wouldn’t admit that to himself. At least out loud. This was quickly thrown out the window once he saw Gwen coming down the stairs in her red gown, black satin mask in place, followed by her bodyguard and not by Y/N. 

     - I see your shadow is missing. - he asked in a teasing manner, something Gwen didn’t take too lightly, rolling her eyes as per usual. 

     - Y/N is getting ready. Can we please go to the car and get this charade over and done with? - the heiress huffed, holding the fabric of her dress slightly up so she wouldn’t trip on it. Sebastian decided not to comment on it, thinking that poking the lion would only make it for a worse evening, so he ordered one of the countless bodyguards he kept in his penthouse to drive Y/N. The man nodded, as men usually did whenever he gave them orders and with that Sebastian left with his bride-to-be. 

Y/N on the other hand had finished setting her hair in place, sliding in a few star shaped pins onto her hair which had been a gift from Dan once she graduated from university along with Gwen. She extremely cherished them and thought there was no better occasion to wear them but tonight. 

Her eyes slightly gazed onto her reflection in the mirror, thinking she looked exactly like what she used to believe princesses looked like in fairytales and couldn’t help but slightly smile at the sight. Once she stepped out of the room, ready to supposedly join the rest of the people downstairs, she was met with another bodyguard who gestured for her to follow him. 

    - Did Gwen leave already? - she questioned, her instinct of making sure her friend was safe on the back of her head screaming at her. 

    - Miss Forrest and Mr. Stan left early. - he replied in the usual monotonous voice that didn’t leave room for many questions. - We shan’t take too long. 

Meanwhile, Sebastian was having a tedious time. Wherever he turned to there were either people trying to lend money from him, talk business with him, or congratulate him on his engagement, all things that made him want them removed from his inner circle. Yet again, he can’t just get rid of people because they’re a nuisance, usually they have to give him a reason, which after some time they always do. 

He knew exactly what he had signed up for when he agreed to this ludicrous show off party, he had signed up for a night of fake kissing and fake laughing all while wearing a stupid last minute Phantom of the Opera mask he had from the last time he’d seen it. It was a pretty boring night except for the champagne flutes that luckily seemed to find him whenever he felt like putting a bullet into someone’s head for talking too long. 

Contrarily, Genevieve seemed to thrive in these functions as shown by the way that she was introducing herself in several conversions and, very unprofessionally, flirting with various mob family’s bodyguards. It wasn’t like Sebastian really cared, having a unfaithful wife wasn’t something new, however he still would like her to be at least respectful. 

His eyes roamed over the crowd, champagne flute in hand, as he noticed the commotion that settled at the entrance of the room. From the door emerged one of his bodyguards and in front of him Y/N. He couldn’t help but stare at her, his brain explaining that behaviour by telling him he could do so as he had paid for the dress. She stood slightly smaller than the crowd due to her constant habit of looking down but he could still see her perfectly clear in a ankle length beige dress covered in lines of pearls which matched her equally beige shoes. Just like everyone else she had a masquerade mask wrapped around her face with a bow made of black ribbon. 

The moment Gwen set her eyes on her friend, she was pulling her into her own social circle leaving Sebastian to observe her. As per usual, she didn’t speak much unless addressed and even when addressed she would bounce the conversation to someone else, hands always slightly tucked in front of her stomach, and a look that told him she probably disliked this party more than she did.

Social gatherings weren’t Y/N’s cup of tea, despite going to at least more than a hundred of them in her life time. She always thought them to be extremely fake with people putting on several different personalities throughout the evening in order to entice various upper ranked mobsters. 

     - We must discuss business someday, Miss Forrest. - one man pulled Genevieve away from Y/N leaving her by her lonesome. Her fingers drew over the top of the champagne flute looking around at everyone. Some people she knew, some were men close to Mr. Forrest with their new wives, some their sons. There were some people she had seen from hit lists and others from birthday presents. Her eyes laid on Mr. Stan and his perfectly tailored navy suit. His posture screamed power, dominance and authority without even trying, even with that matte white half mask. 

She cleared her throat, turning her head to face the opposite wall once her gaze was met by his. Y/N couldn’t stare at him, he made her nervous without saying a single word. Funny thing was, she did not know why he made her nervous. Sure he was a mob boss with probably a few kills under his belt but she had grown up around that type of people, yet he made her nervous. He made her feel like digging her own hiding hole whenever he look slightly in her direction. 

    - Miss Y/N ... - came a voice from behind her, making her drop the flute on the ground. Despite the noise, no one turned their head, too busy in their own conversation. - Didn’t mean to frighten you.

    - Mr. Sta... Sebastian, good evening. - she took a step back, noticing how close he was to her. He was close enough she could smell his cologne, the type of smell that made a girl want to wrap herself in a guy’s scented clothing. - I spoke with the saleswoman and she said I could return the dress later. 

    - It’s a gift, angel. You should keep it, it suits you. 

    - This is the type of gift you give to Gwen, not to me. - she smoothed over the fabric of her dress.

    - Miss Forrest has enough dresses as it is. Speaking of gifts ... - his hand went to his pocket, pulling a golden chain. - I believe this is yours. 

    - My necklace. - her heart swelled up as she saw him hold her golden necklace. Mindlessly, she wrapped her arms around him, taking him by shock. Normally, he’d have the head of whomever tried to hug him. - I can’t believe you found it. 

    - You dropped it on the club. I’ve been meaning to return it but it passed my mind. - he handed it over to her who like an over excited child getting a new piece of clothing for Christmas, immediately wrapped it around her own neck. However, it was slightly hard for her to clasp the necklace herself which automatically and mindlessly led Sebastian to hold both ends of the chain in his hands, her hand slightly grazing his as it left the clasp and rested upon her abdomen. 

It was a rather easy clasp leading the moment to be over in less than a second if so, however his hands instead of returning to stand politely over his pockets, he instead left them softly against her warm shoulders, a stark contrast to his cold ones. This contrast did not go unnoticed by her, her skin trembling and shivering at the touch that seemed to last a whole millennium.

    - Uhm ... - she cleared her throat, slowly turning around to face him. - Ho...how are you enjoying your evening?

    - I would rather be doing anything else, Miss Y/N. - he chuckled darkly, grabbing another flute as a tray passed by. 

    - You should call me Y/N if I’m to call you Sebastian. - she walked alongside him, through crowds of people which like the red sea to Moses would part so he could pass through. - It’s only fair.

    - Fairness isn’t exactly my strongest suit, angel.

tag list: @sideeffectsofyou​ @lilya-petrichor​ @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater​

[huearmy]

Life is Beautiful - I

Summary: You are a glass half full person, your life motto is "Life is too short to... Insert something and anything here". During your whole life you wanted something more, and even not knowing what it is, you put yourself to find out and get it, experiencing everything  brilliant that the world offers - within the measure of what is safe, of course. The curious thing is that your way of living ended up rousing  the interest of two vampires. One who sees beauty in everything and  loves to exist, currently working with suicide prevention; and another one who no longer sees grace in things, in that boring immortality that never ends, and only complains about the Netflix catalog all the time.

Pairing: Jimin x reader / Taehyung x reader.

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut (very soft, ok?)...

Words:  7509.

Rating: +18

Warnings: As much as my writing is soft and light, and as these are not the main topic of the story, treated in a non-descriptive way, there are sensitive themes from the beginning of the first chapter to the end of the fic that can trigger sensitive people, like depression, suicide, addictions in general - Jimin literally works at a suicide prevention center here. SO PLEASE! Read responsibly, my intention when dealing with topics like this is always 1) dealing with them in myself, as a way of putting out part of my own healing process 2) generating identification in other people, so they can go through the difficult time a little less alone. THIS IS A STORY THAT SEES THE WORLD WITH POSITIVITY.

Chapter II Chapter III .

After some centuries of not living, all vampires go through a kind of midlife crisis in which everything loses its grace and eternity becomes endless boredom. Nothing new happens, humans are born, sometimes they are relevant to world history, they become vampire food or they die dull. Vampires do not need to sleep or use the bathroom, nor to feed more than once a month, so the days are long, and often lonely, which leads many of them to stand still without moving, looking at nothing until their thirst quits, forcing them to go after a pulsating neck. Many go through this phase as serial killers, with killing as their only source of pleasure, others prefer to hibernate in some dark place or tomb, because false death is more interesting than false life. Some never get past the phase.

Jimin is not like that. With almost a thousand years of existence he is totally in love with life. Every day when the sun rises and the sunlight forces him to stay indoors so as not to burst into flames, he spends his hours with a smile on his face, engaging in small banal hobbies, such as gardening or online courses at distance - after almost a decade of doing this, Jimin already has fifty-two certificates in different areas, and he is pretty pride of it. When night comes and he can go out and see the world it’s even more interesting, because humans ’nightlife isn’t as hectic as daytime, so those who live in those dark hours are different. There are those who do wrong things and commit crimes, those who have double lives or who keep secrets, there are people working to protect and save, like doctors and police, there are night guards and twenty-four hours convenience store attendants, groups of friends who spend the night partying until dawn, and those who feel lonely in their empty apartments unable to sleep... And this is the part that he likes the most: people.

He likes to meet random people in the empty metro, buy a drink for a girl who doesn't take her eyes off him and then dance with her, strike up a conversation with a homeless man under a marquee because he knows the guy must be lonely. Watching and learning about other lives keeps him alive, more than the blood he needs to drink.

He likes to get temporary jobs to have some human experience. He has worked in pizzerias, both in the kitchen - he was not very good, so he was put in the dishwasher - both in deliveries, and at a gas station, as a hotel receptionist... But now it looks like he found a job he wants to stay in, so much that it has been a year and he has not yet resigned. Perhaps Jimin has found his calling.

"It's okay... You are not alone, I'm here and I'll stay until you feel good again." He said with his sweet, angelical voice. "Can you get away from the sharp objects? Please?"

The voice on the other end of the line sounded like just a choked whisper, before the answer came, fast, heavy breathing filled the air.

"No... I can't..." The female sobbed.

"Can you tell me why?" Jimin's voice was calm. "I... my legs are numb... I can't... stand up." Her breathing was erratic and desperate.

"Are you hurt? Do you need an ambulance to be sent to you?" He used his most reassuring voice possible.

"No!" She started to cry even harder. "I don't want no one... to see me... like this." Jimin bite the inside of his cheek, thinking, maybe she just wasn't able to get up  because of the anxiety attack, but she also didn't say she wasn't hurt.

Regardless of the case, he needed to make the girl trust him in order to help her.

"What is your name?" He smiled, hopping she would listen to it in his voice. "... Ana" She whispered. "Nice to meet you, Ana. Do you remember my name? I told you at the beginning of the call."

One moment of silence.

"Jimin." She said with little certainty.

"Exactly, good job. Hi, Ana." "Hi, Jimin." Despite the crying voice, she was no longer sobbing.

"Ana, can you recall the last thing you did that made you feel safe? Secure?" A sigh reached Jimin's ears. As he waited for an answer his hands moved over a sheet of paper, he was drawing a beautiful face of a girl with crayons, without paying much attention, but getting a beautiful result.

"No." She said at last.

"I know you can, Ana. No need to rush. Breath." She thought some more, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Almost a full minute passed, the two of them silent on the call. Jimin did not press for an answer.

"I was watching Friends... with my cat." "Your cat?" Jimin smiled more spontaneously now, noticing in her voice an oscillation of affection when saying the word cat. "Talk more about your cat."

"His name is Sushi, he's fat, full of himself, and loving. He likes children, food and sleeping. I recently bought him a cute collar, it looks like a pink bow tie." She almost laughed.

"Wow...He is a lucky cat." Suddenly she started to cry again, sobbing so hard that Jimin hardly understood what she was saying.

"He ran away and hasn't come back yet... He's never been away from home  so long... He's all I have, there's no one else... I don't want to live... alone." "Is it just you and Sushi?" Jimin spoke more forcefully for her to hear over the sobs.

"Yes." She choked. "I can't get up... It hurts so much. I'm so-sorry..."

"Ana, do you need an ambulance to be sent to you?" He tried again. Silence.

"Yes." "So I will stay with you until they come to help you. You are not alone."

Jimin was a vampire in love with live, eager to live each day as if it were the most precious gift, so working in the Center of Valuing Life and Preventing Suicide was perfect. He considers himself an expert in convincing anyone that life is beautiful when he has the opportunity to say everything he thinks about. And not letting people feel alone is one of his favorite hobbies.

After all, eternity can be quite lonely, he knows how it is.

________________________________________________________________

That call is over. Jimin was searching for missing cat posts on social media. In the silent office room it was just him and three other people working, each at their separated personal table. Perhaps due to the nature of the work, or due to the late hours of the night, nobody spoke loudly or made a lot of noise when doing things, even when talking to each other, everything is always very restrained, calm.

Jimin's eyes followed the clock hands on the wall above the door. It was almost one in the morning, actually, to be exact, twelve minutes to go, so in two minutes, you would punctually enter that door with your heavy backpack full of books, of someone who just left college on the other side of the city, and after stopping at a twenty-four hours fast food to get a well-deserved burger spent an hour on a subway trip. He could already hear your footsteps down the hall, the characteristic sound of the rubber on the soles of your boots and your bunch of keys stuck in the handle of your backpack tinkling. He heard you putting your stuff in your closet and hanging your coat on the rack in the next room, and a smile formed on Jimin's face. When the hand on the clock struck ten to one and you opened the door trying not to make any noise so as not to disturb anyone's call, Jimin pretended not to notice you entering, not taking his eyes off the computer screen full of images of cute cats. You straightened up and held firmly the pair of coffee cups in your hands till the knots turned white, looking straight at him - in fact, from the moment you walked through the door you were already expecting to see Jimin sitting at his table, as always, and since then you haven't looked away. Walking in light steps - that he could hear by the way - to him who had his back to you, you tried to control the butterflies in your stomach, happy he wasn't in a call right now.

"Jimin?" You called softly, close to his ear, but not that close. Yet. Jimin contained a smile and turned around as if you had taken him by surprise. "Hey, Y/N, didn't see you there". As usual, his direct look made your heart race and you gave a nervous laugh before getting along with his flirty tone. "I bought you coffee." You handed him one of the cups. "To take the night shift a little better."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

You are the other reason Jimin didn't quit this job yet. A few weeks ago, when he was working long enough to decide to leave and go for the next adventure, you started working at the night shift, and right away you caught Jimin's attention, even though at first you didn't talk with him that much - in fact you only talked to the women on the team, and avoided the men. More than once he found himself paying attention to your emergency calls, how you talk, being positive without being suffocating for those in pain ... how you love life. After a while you started doing the same thing, a little less easily, since you don't have a vampire audition, but it was enough for you to acquire a platonic crush on Jimin, which resulted in you opening up, and you two start talking here and there. Now almost whenever you have time or money left over - college life is poor life - you bring him coffee. Jimin doesn't actually drink coffee at all, and he doesn't feel sleepy either, but he thinks it's cute that you worry for him. You see each other three to four times a week, depending on the schedule of work, and he is always eager to see you. Flirting is exciting, and he hasn't done that in a while... Like two centuries, and how it was done back there was quite different. Other times indeed.

"Did you lose your cat?" You asked, confused.

"Oh, no, I didn't." He closed the page with the photo of a white and gray cat wearing a pink bow tie.. "One friend of mine lost her cat, Sushi." "Poor thing. I hope she finds Sushi soon..." You slightly pouted.

"Me too. I'll help her." Jimin said, and the butterflies in your stomach thought it was beautiful.

Something on his desk caught your attention, a colorful draw of said cat made with crayon. Before Jimin could stop you - he was distracted by hearing your heart beat faster because of him - you picked up the stack of papers to get a closer look.

"And you drew him! How beautiful... I didn't know you were so talented." "Thank you. My friend who taught me, he is much better than me..." Jimin simply answered.

You moved on to the next sheet, where another sketch of the cat in different colors made your eyes shine. "So he must be awesome. Look at this!" Jimin was happy to be praised by you, the pink of your cheeks when speaking was a beautiful sign for him, but then he remembered what was the next drawing in your hands, and before you could see it, he cleared his throat and took them back, keeping them in the drawer. It was a drawing of a girl's pretty face. Your face. "They are not quite ready yet..." He pretended modesty.

"Oh, sorry. If you need help, just tell me. I can hang up posters or something. About finding the lost cat, I mean." You volunteered, and then looked around. "I better get to work before someone scolds me."

You went to your desk, across his, and your eyes met a few more times before as you sat down and turned on your computer. Jimin's phone rang and he forced himself to look away from your face, someone else needed him now. "Good night, my name is Jimin and you called the Life Valuation Center. Can I help?" He spoke, his voice welcome and full of affection. ________________________________________________________________

Jimin's shift ends before yours, just before three in the morning he puts things away and leaves the table ready for the person who will use the next shift, but he won't leave, even if everyone thinks so. Instead he goes to the roof to look at the stars and wait for you to leave - not that you know he is waiting for you. He was listening to a random playlist on spotify, stretching his body to the beat just because it feels good, thinking about nothing specific, just existing and feeling good about it.

The night breeze brought his scent to him, looking down from the parapet, he could see you leaving the building, with your scarf well wrapped around your neck, covering half of your face to protect you from the cold air. He doesn't understand you... It's beautiful that you want to help people who are going through a difficult time, and you've commented before that the night shift matches your other schedules, and that you like to stay up at night. However, he thinks you should consider it's not worth it. It's so late and empty when you go home, it's dangerous for a human woman, and as much as he knows that you have a pocketknife in your pocket, Jimin thinks it's silly of you. Usually he wouldn't think much about it, but it's you, and he is fond of you, he can't just do nothing about it. So even if you don't know it, he accompanies you home every night to make sure you are safe. He is only satisfied and goes home when he hears you enter your room. Sometimes he stays a little longer, sitting on the emergency stairs outside your building, listening to you walking up and down in your room, doing whatever, instead of going to sleep soon.

That's kind of creepy. He knows. But he is a vampire, he is already creepy in essence. But of course he would never watch you sleep, for exemple, this is a stalker limit that he does not intend to cross.

"Okay." He sighed as he heard you getting into bed. "I have one hour and a half before the sun rises... Let's find that cat." __________________________________________

You were awake for a couple of hours already, currently packing your books at the end of a lecture, really needing sugar to feel prepared before the last class of the day, and excited that instead of going to the study group you are a part of, you will take an experimental dance class and it's your day off, which means that instead of staying up until dawn working, you can stay up until dawn studying, and maybe sleep a little earlier. Life is too short to not take all the free trial classes available just because your schedule is already full and totally demanding. Anyways you are dead tired, wishing your body doesn't need to sleep... Since you started to work on the Life Valuation Center all your sleeping schedule went down the drain. At first your plan was to work the night shift only at the beginning, and then change your hours, but for some reason you always liked to stay up all night, also the movement of calls in this period is bigger and more specific, which helps in your internship report, and of course, in the day shift there is no Jimin... You've settled in, and now after months of this crazy, fickle routine, your body is feeling the side effects.

"Three of this rainbow donuts please." You asked at the college cafe. One because you want, two because one is not enough, three because you are greedy. Life is too short not to overeat your current favorite sugar source. You sigh to yourself, taking a seat along your friends. Your mantra for life is life is too short to...insert anything here, experimenting and doing things that you never imagined before and that your mother probably wouldn't approve a hundred percent is what moves you. Basically nothing scares you, since childhood you were courageous and fearless. You subject yourself to almost anything, within the measures of what is safe, to have good stories to tell. The world is too big to be content with just having good grades to graduate and have a good job. What you want is much more... so much more that you don't even know what... But it’s not just because you don’t know yet that you’ll stand still without going after it to find out.

"Hey, Y/N, what are you gonna do on the weekend?" Your friend, Becca, asked comfortably within her girlfriend's embrace. As usual, whenever you see the two of them together being all lovey dovey, you feel a twinge of pride in your heart, because you were responsible for them to start dating in the first place. Although your romantic life is not very interesting, without serious or successful relationships, you are a great cupid.

"For the very first time in months... I don't know. I didn't plan anything, maybe something will show up, if not I'm just going to sleep. Why?" You smiled your happy smile of eating what you like.

"Pool party. You need to get a tan, you look like a vampire with that pale, tired face of yours."

You laughed because it's true, since you started changing the day for the night, your skin has acquired a not healthy tone that you are not used to. You've been missing the sun a little.

"First of all, I'm too cute to be a vampire. Second, yeah I'll think about it, I have a new bikini I haven't worn yet that makes my breasts look stunning." One of your friends that was sitting by your side put his arm over your shoulder. "I changed my mind, I'm going to this party." He loudly said. The girls in the group didn't laugh at all. "Shut up, Mike." You playfully pushed him. ________________________________________________________________

This was the second night that Jimin was looking for the cat, Sushi. It was not difficult to find out the address of it’s owner, since he had to activate an ambulance for her, and with that he started looking for the animal in her neighborhood. Passing through the empty streets at night after his work shift, he could see the girl's tracks leaving "missing" posters with a picture of a kitten wearing a pink bow tie, on lampposts and bus stops. At first Jimin thought it was going to be easy, with his keen vampire senses, but all he found were stray cats that weren't Sushi. The second night of searching was already ending, the sun was rising, threatening to make him explode into ashes if he didn't come home soon, and no clue as to where to look the next night he had.

Before getting into the car and driving home, Jimin took one last look at the slightly open curtains in the girl's room, Ana, just to make sure she was okay. She had been discharged from the hospital that afternoon and was now sleeping on the couch, probably medicated. Jimin didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't just walk into her apartment and offer help, for now all he could do was find a way to find the cat. ________________________________________________________________ Jimin lives in an old pretty house in the wealthiest part of the city, it isn't a mansion, but it is big and expensive enough to impress anyone who sees it, privileges of centuries of saved money. It's a cliché, but vampires dress in designer clothes, ride luxury cars and live in expensive mansions, houses, apartments, and Jimin is no exception.

From one of the main rooms, behind a heavy curtain, hidden in the gloom, was another vampire, watching the street with intent, expressionless eyes. When Jimin's car turned the corner and up the wide street lined with huge trees, the vampire got uneasy, his beautiful restless hands worrying the hem of his sleeves. He was anxious and angry, if his heart was still beating it would be racing. The garage door opened and the car entered, disappearing from view, in the next second the vampire was no longer in the room but in front of the door leading to the garage, waiting in the empty, dark hall. The knob turned the door slightly opened, Jimin with his head down did not seem to notice the presence of the other before being attacked.

"AH!" Jimin screamed as long arms embraced his neck. If it wasn't for the wall behind him he would have fallen, yet he had no escape, with a body much larger than his overpowering him. "Taehyungie!"

"You are late! Is the second day in a row you get home after sunrise! Are you trying to die?" Taehyung said, and didn't let Jimin go just yet. "It's okay. I was careful, I just had to do a few things before I came home. Look, there's not even smoke coming out of me." Jimin ran his hands over Tae's back, making him relax. The other stepped back a little, taking his face in his big hands.

"You could have sent a message. I asked you to let me know if you were going to be late again, Jiminie..." Tae pouted, still distressed. "And why do your clothes smell like garbage? Take it off."

Even feeling deprived of affection, Taehyung walked away looking disgusted, covering his nose with two fingers. Jimin obeyed, taking off his sneakers, jacket and jeans, following Taehyung through the corridor to the laundry room, where he put everything in a basket to wash later, and also exchanged the shirt for a clean one too. "I went into some alleys today, looking for a cat. That's why." Jimin explained, feeling much more comfortable in not smelling bad.

"And where's it? I don't think Tannie will like to share the house with a cat..." "Where is what?" Jimin was confused. Tae crossed his arms.

"The cat?"

"Oh no!" Jimin laughed, reaching for Tae to take him by the shoulders. "I wasn't looking for a cat to bring home, as much as I would love one as a pet... It's the cat of a girl I met, and is very sad to have lost it..."

"I got it..." Taehyung mumbled.

Jimin was just helping someone. Again. And Taehyung couldn't say exactly why it bothers him so much every time, but it does, he feels distressed, almost as if the world around him collapsed, and it makes him think he's being overdramatic. Live an eternity when you can't even put your feelings out in moments of frustration. Damn, it is conflicting... If vampires could cry, he would. But never that he would let Jimin discover that he feels that way.

It was Jimin's turn to take Tae's face in his little hands.

"You are so skinny. When was the last time you fed?" Taehyung didn't answer.

"You don't even remember, right?" Jimin's eyes went worried. "Did you see that I brought some O- packs for you? I left it in the fridge."

"No, I didn't." A shy smile spread across Tae's face. O- is his favorite blood type, but because it is a not so common type, and humans need transplantation, it's not always that Jimin brings it to him, usually opting for his second favorite flavor or other one available.

Jimin has been trying to cheer his friend up with little treats. It has been a difficult phase, in which he thinks Tae is going through the vampiric midlife crisis. He hasn't been out of the house for almost two decades and does nothing without a little external motivation, even the simplest things like eating. So Jimin tries to bring the best blood types to fill the fridge, signed all available streaming platforms, updates Taehyung's video game consoles as soon as a new model comes out, tries to get him interested in new hobbies - which never works but he doesn't give up - and he even adopted a puppy so that Tae would never be alone.

"Come." Jimin pulled him by the hand to their modern practically untouched kitchen, opened the fridge and picked two packs of blood, the dark liquid shining at the cold light. “In my room or yours?"

"Yours."

The two of them got to Jimin's room, followed by the sound of four paws scraping the polished wooden floor, Yeontan chasing them closely. Jimin pulled the covers off the clean bed, on which he rarely lies down, so they could get more comfortable. Tae laid on his back, against the pile of smooth pillows, carefully opening a packet of blood to not spill a single drop, and put a stainless steel straw in the opening. Jimin turned on the TV, put the dog in the bed, and cuddled Tae's side, with his head on his chest.

"What show have you been watching?" Jimin asked.

"None. I've been looking for something interesting in this shit for days and I can't find anything." Tae took a sip of his blood with a pout.

Jimin chuckled. "I'm choosing then."

A moment of silence followed, in which the only sound was of Tae drinking the rest of his first pack, and then opening another one.

"I think I need to shower..." Jimin commented.

Taehyung's arm that was around Jimin tightened. "Not now. Later." Jimin laughed, thinking it was cute. An idea crossed his mind, another small treat.

"Do you want to bath with me instead?" He looked up to Tae.

Tae hold tightened even more.

"Not now. Later. Now we cuddle."

As if agreeing, Yeontan climbed over the two vampires, finding a comfortable place to lie down and join the cuddle pile.

"Ok."

________________________________________________________________

Tonight you didn't have time to talk to Jimin when you arrived at work, he was on a call, and it seemed really serious. You didn't have the money to buy extra coffee even for yourself, so you hadn't an excuse to pass quietly by his desk to leave a post-it written "Hi :)". In those circumstances, you went straight to your desk to work, to do your best to be a good listener.

To your surprise, making your heart melt and your breath hold at the bottom of the throat, you saw at the top of your computer screen a post-it with a "Hi, sweetheart." written on it, and another one with a "Look in the fridge.". After working with him for that time, regularly doing some paperwork like filling out documentation and such things, you could say for sure that this was Jimin's handwriting, besides, only he calls you sweetheart.

You checked the clock on the wall with an eager look and a silly smile. As you always arrive ten minutes early, there was time to go to the break room quickly, and look inside the fridge before starting to work. And so you did. The break room was nothing more than a small table with a few chairs, a small couch, a sink, an old coffee machine, a microwave and the refrigerator, all in a tight space lit by white lights that leave the place a little impersonal. None of your co-workers were there, as usual. You crossed the small room to the fridge and opened it trying not to make a noise, more out of habit than necessity.

The interior was very empty, with some forgotten lunchboxes, but that didn't interest you. Your goal was right in the middle. A big cup of iced coffee, from a franchise that you don't usually buy from because you find it a little too expensive for your student budget, with your name written on a post-it on top of it.

"Y/N, I wanted to be me treating you today. Hope you like it."

That coffee was as cold as Jimin's fingertips when touching yours, but it warmed your heart. Sometimes you question yourself if it's healthy how head over heels you are for this guy, for so little.

Back at your desk, now with your iced coffee, you wrote a post-it and pasted it on the back of your computer screen, where Jimin could see it. "Thanks :)" Then you started to work. Other people needed you now. ________________________________________________________________ On your fifteen minutes break time, you were leaving the restroom, passing a moisturizing hand cream - because you swear that the soap in this place dries out your skin, and god forbid you from harsh hands -, the sound of the break room's door opening made you lift your eyes from the floor. It was Jimin. He don't take breaks, it's not like he needs it, he doesn't get tired, but he didn't get the chance to talk to you today yet, so as soon he saw you stretching in your chair, indicating that you would soon get up to go to the bathroom - yes, he learned your routine and mannerisms - he discreetly left the room to meet you by coincidence in the hall afterwards.

"Hi, Y/N. Did you like the coffee?" He charmly smiled at you, he was eager to ask it to you, to find out if he made the right choice of flavor, or if he made a bad mistake and you hated it - he couldn't help thinking about that possibility. Anyway, he was looking forward to your approval.

The truth is that you were so stunned by his caring that it didn't matter what the flavor was.

"Actually, yes. I love vanilla flavored things. It's basic but it makes me happy." You fixed your hair, pulling it behind your ears. Jimin could tell by your smile and your heated face that you aren't lying.

"Nice. I wanted to make you happy." He approached you, more than is suitable for the work environment, and it made you nervous, and of course he noticed. But it was okay, if someone came close he would hear and walk away before they could see you, too bad he couldn't tell you that.

"Mission completed successfully." You said, without looking away from his eyes - no matter how much part of you shouted at you to do it, your heart felt like it was going to explode. Well, your heart has a limit, so you changed the subject. "Did your friend find her cat?" Sadness took over Jimin's eyes.

"Unfortunately not. I've been looking for him for two days and nothing, I swear I think I've looked in every street, alley and trash can. I don't want to think like that, but I think Sushi is no longer with us." He sighed, clearly frustrated. You had the impulse to rub his forearms to comfort him, it was the very first time you really touched him. "If he is a cat that wasn't accustomed to getting out, and didn't know how to walk on the street, it is possible that something bad happened... But! He's a cat, if he used to go out often, he might have some other house, other owners, and that's why he hasn't come back yet." You optimistically said.

A smile spread in Jimin's face.

"That makes sense! She told me something like 'He's never been away from home for so long', there's hope then. And you also gave me an idea. Thank you, Y/N." He pulled you into a hug, and you thought you could die.

"You welcome." You said against his chest, deciding not to waste the opportunity to return the hug. ________________________________________________________________ The day was perfect for a vampire walk in the daytime. Cloudy and rainy. No deadly sunbeams and an excuse to use an umbrella without calling attention to it. After the tip you gave, Jimin looked in the right place after accompanying you home that night, and in less than an hour he was outside the window of two children's rooms, in a ground floor apartment, looking inside, and sleeping between the feet of one of the children was the cat, he wasn't with his bow tie but there was no mistake, Jimin was sure. Even without being able to enter - vampiric rules, you only can get in somebody's house if invited, or else you explode as if you were under sunlight - Jimin could smell cat all over the house, and the windows all had anti-escape screens, which indicated that it was a family of cat people.

Jimin would need to come back to pick the cat during the day, knock on the front door and politely ask. That's why heavy weather is perfect. With a dark couture coat, covering all from his neck to the back of his hands, to his knees, a design hat and sunglasses, and last but nos least, a big umbrella, he approached the lower middle class apartment complex. Without hesitation he raised his hand and knocked. Some seconds passed by, sound of kids running inside and a voice of a famale scolding them muffled by the closed door, and then a little girl, maybe six-year-old, appeared in Jimin's field of vision, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen after all.

"Hello." Jimin smiled. "Are your parents home?"

She smiled at him, but shook her head negatively.

"Jo, who is it?" An older girl opened the door wider and faced Jimin with a frown that fell apart when she saw his smile. Great, a teenager, he thought. "What do you want?"

"Sorry to bother, I really wanted to talk to an adult, but..." Jimin lifted his phone, the screen showing Sushi's missed post. "I saw my friend's cat on your window."

The older girl narrowed her eyes as she looked at the photo, but before she could answer, the little girl she called Jo before ran away.

"No!" She screamed, disappearing inside the apartment, and then slamming a door somewhere.

"Sorry for that, please wait a minute." The teenager closed the door on his face, and he could hear her shouting and scolding the girl little inside. He was starting to lose his patience. Jimin doesn't like to be ignored at all. Should he knock again and use his mind control powers to get the cat? He was pondering the idea when the door opened again, the two girls were still loudly arguing inside, and this time it was a small boy who must be the middle sibling in front of him.

"Hi, grandma said to tell you to come in." He mumbled.

"So you are letting me get in your house?" Jimin asked with a satisfied grin.

"Yeah... follow me." The boy was avoiding eye contact, being shy. Jimin thought he was adorable.

Jimin followed the boy to a tiny living room, where an old woman was sitting in front of the TV. The girls were now silent, but clearly wanting to argue some more, and the small one was with Sushi in her arms. Jimin sighed, he likes children, a lot, even though he doesn't live with many, but he likes them even more when they're not having a tantrum.

"Hello. Please, take a seat." The old lady pointed to the old couch. The vampire obliged, and almost immediately a fat orange cat jumped into his lap. In this small room alone he could see three more of them. "So, why do you want to steal one of my babies?" Steal? Jimin was slightly offended, he already explained himself, but the chaotic situation created a misunderstanding. "I'm not here to steal nothing, ma'am." He showed his cellphone again. "One of your cats is Sushi, my friend's cat."

"That's not his name!" The little girl shouted tapping a foot on the floor in anger. Jimin just raised his eyebrows at her, making her swallow hard. But he is in control of the situation, so Jimin smiled to remain pleasant.

"Of course it is. Just watch, little one." He reached out to call the cat. "Come here, Sushi." Even though the cat didn't know Jimin to trust him - and these people don't need to know that - cats are creatures of the night, strongly attached to magic and protection in the dark hours, and in the hierarchy of the night they obeyed vampires. The only things that cats respect more than vampires are witches and their own owners whom they protect. As Jimin expected, Sushi jumped off the girl's tight hold and went over to him.

"Good boy. Ana is missing you like hell." Jimin scratched behind his ears. Before someone else could say anything, he proceeded. "When he got lost he was using a pink bow tie." The old lady was still with Jimin cellphone in her hand, and he could see she was convinced he know the cat, but wasn't intending on letting him leave with him yet.

"I'm seeing it in the post, but there was no tie when we got him." She replied. "You just didn't see it, ma'am." Jimin was tired of this conversation, it was being a lot less nice than he imagined on his way there. When he looked to the little girl to talk to her, his eyes were intense and powerful, and his voice was full of authority. "Go get the tie where you hid it, little one."

Mesmerized by Jimin's power, the girl didn't even blink or say anything as she obeyed, turned around and ran to one of the rooms. Jimin doesn't use hypnosis very often but he has fun every time. She got back with it and handed it to him.

"Thanks." He removed the effect and the little girl blinked a few times before understanding what happened.

The old lady was clearly angry with the girl, but it wasn't Jimin's business. "Well I think that's all. We are going now." Jimin got up from the couch.

"Wait!" The teenager snapped. "Jo lied about the bow to keep the cat, and that's bad, but she already loves him! You can't just take him away!"

Jimin was almost on the door.

"Of course I can. Besides, it's not because what she did is bad, young lady. It's because my friend loves him, actually this cat is Ana's family. No one should live alone, right?"

"Right!" The old lady got up too. "I'll get you to the door, tell our friend we are sorry."

"I will. Thank you." ________________________________________________________________

"You found the cat!" Tae sniffed the back of Jimin's neck. "Where is it?"

Jimin was putting the clothes he was using to wash, to remove the smell of cat and the places he passed by. And to get comfortable, as is his habit when he gets home, he just stayed in his underwear and t-shirt.

"I already gave him back to his owner." In the next second Jimin was dropping himself on the leather couch.

"And how was it? Did she thank you with tears in her eyes?" Tae leaned over the back of the sofa with his chin in his hands.

Jimin chuckled, Taehyung's thirst for drama is funny, and he's always been like that. And at least that doesn't seem to have changed...

"Well... She cried a lot when she found him in the window. She looked really happy!" Jimin sang. He was really happy too. He helped someone to find their smile again, even if it is a little bit, it made him really proud of himself, a warm feeling in his chest telling him it was the right thing to do, and that he should do it again if he gets the opportunity. Taehyung's expression changed, suddenly he was disinterested.

"You didn't even talk to her? Just left the cat there for her to find?"

"Well, yeah." Jimin threw his hair back. "I couldn't risk she recognizing my voice and thinking I was stalking her. Scaring her was not the goal, Tae, quite the contrary..."

Taehyung stared at him in silence for what felt a whole minute - maybe it really was, vampires perceive time differently. "You are not a secret superhero, Jimin. You are a vampire." Said that he got back to his room.

Jimin doesn't understand. These outbursts and mood swings leave him confused. And it's not like he hasn't already tried to talk. This... This he doesn't recognize in Taehyung. It hurt his feelings and at same time he feels it is partially his faut. "I can be both if I want to!" He exclaimed.

No answer. To find somebody who would be happy for him and understand the euphoria he felt for saving a little bit that girl he went through his contact list. A lot of vampire names - a lot is maybe an exaggeration, since he doesn't have many friends at all - who wouldn't be rude, but wouldn't understand, and also some former human colleagues from past jobs with whom he hasn't spoken in a long time and maybe should erase the number... And you. Of course you are the obvious choice. You had sympathy for the case from the beginning, even offered to help. And if it weren't for you he wouldn't have succeeded...

Jimin: hey sweetheart Jimin: I found sushi! Jimin: thanks to you btw He sent the messages, hoping it wouldn't be strange. It wasn't the first time you two texted before, but it was just an exchange of memes and silly flirt... without compromise talk. And what he wanted this time was different. You took too long to answer, and he wondered if you were in class and if he was bothering you. He wanted everything but to mess it up with you right now. Maybe he should've checked your class schedule for the week to make sure he texted you when he was sure you were free. But he was so eager to talk to someone... with you. He gave up waiting and went after doing something productive. Crochet dolls. He was doing a mini Taehyung, with red eyes and little cute fangs - an apology for later, neither of them like fighting with each other, even if you can't call that earlier thing a fight- when his cell phone started to crazily vibrate and beep.

You: OMG! You: thts amazing! You: sorry i didn't aswr before You: I was taking a nap hehe You: anyways You: i'm so happy u found him You: [image.jpg] You: ur friend must be even happier :) You: what do u mean thanx to me? You: sorry i spammed u :( Jimin can't handle you. You are too cute. You literally sent him a photo of you with an enormous smile, cheering, to show him your reaction. And you were with your hair all messed and the puffy face of someone who just woke up. Precious. Jimin: no problem, sweetheart Jimin: you said to look in other owners' houses. basically. I found him with a old cat lady with three grandchildren   Jimin: you are looking cute btw You: OwO You: i'm looking like shit Jimin You: BUT thats awesome You: if it was me id be crying til my eyes fall You weren't even there with him, in person, and you were putting a smile on his face. How dare you say you look like shit when you have those perfect cute cheeks? So alive...

Jimin: EXACTLY. that's why I wanted to find him so much. Jimin: and because you helped me, I want to reward you Jimin: i know you don't work today. me neither. do you want to go out for coffee in a nice place? You took too long to answer again, and that's because your heart is exploding and knees trembling while you stare at your cell phone screen, standing midway in your kitchen. You: u dont need to. i did nothing. This time Jimin took too long to answer. He was making a decision. To be more straightforward. More honest. Until now he was dictating a slow pace for your flirting, because for him romance is like that. But what if he tries to speed things up a bit? Or if he lets you command? How would things be?

Jimin: Y/N, respect my excuse to ask you out.

He knew what your answer would be. Even so, he felt anxious, hearing a non-existent heartbeat in his ear, while the three dots indicated that you were typing.

You: ok. what time do you come to pick me?

Tag List:  @angrygardenerr @depressed-dude20 @milktaetae95 @tangledsparkles  @wlalsrkfla @minikolima​  @wrecklesseuphoria

If you want me to add you to the list let me know, and please let comments :)

[littlemixnet]

Little Mix on what it takes to survive being the most bullied band in pop

Still teenagers when they were catapulted to fame, superstardom came at a price for Little Mix. They open up to Francesca Babb about the soaring highs and crashing lows of the past nine years. It is the end of our YOU cover shoot, and I am facing the lesser-spotted sight of a barefaced Little Mix. Wet wipes swipe back and forth across their faces and, as the foundation departs in a deluge of coffee-coloured tissues, Jesy Nelson and Leigh-Anne Pinnock, both 29, and Jade Thirlwall and Perrie Edwards, both 27, visibly relax into their tracksuits and boyfriend jeans, shoulders dropping as they settle into themselves. I’m so used to seeing them contoured and camera ready that I assumed full glamour was their happy place. But perhaps the real Little Mix are not the war-paint-and-leotard-clad pop stars we’ve spent almost ten years watching grow up, but rather the four women they have become behind the glare of the spotlight. It’s those four women that I’m intrigued to meet. Since winning The X Factor nine years ago, there have been highs – selling over 50 million records globally, a significant percentage of which were self-penned, and creating enough accompanying make-up lines and merchandise to keep them and their families comfortable for the foreseeable future (recent reports suggest they have earned a combined £28.5 million to date). But there have also been lows – perpetual picking apart by both the public and the press, bullying and vitriol from online trolls. The most extreme cases of which led Jesy to attempt suicide during Little Mix’s early days in 2013 (she regards a tweet from the controversial Katie Hopkins – ‘Packet Mix have still got a chubber in their ranks. Less Little Mix. More Pick n Mix’ – as the ‘pinnacle point’ for her depression) and pushed Perrie into an ongoing struggle with anxiety. Fame has changed them. In some ways they are still youthful and silly – dropping phrases into conversation that wouldn’t be out of place in a playground – yet, in others, they are wise beyond their years, diving headfirst into battles on feminism, race and mental health. They’re fun enough to be light relief, smart enough to inspire a generation struggling with the pressures of youth and social media even before a pandemic was thrown at them, and ballsy enough to leave Simon Cowell’s record label because they didn’t feel he had their best interests at heart. ‘It’s never really been a cruise, has it?’ Jade ponders, a copy of social activist Bell Hooks’ 2002 feminist theory Communion: The Female Search For Love in her hand (not for show, I might add; when I ask her about it, she is well versed in its content). ‘It’s either been a really big high, or a really big low.’ Jesy, who has found herself the target of some of the cruelest contempt from the world outside Little Mix, agrees: ‘Some of the best times, some of the worst times.’ Comments on her weight, her looks, her place in the band, comments that she should take her own life, all led her into a deep depression and the aforementioned suicide attempt. Her documentary last year, Jesy Nelson: Odd One Out, revealed her journey through it all and, while harrowing, it is essential viewing on the realities of growing up in a world dominated by social media. ‘Before we got in the group, I never looked at myself and thought, “I don’t like that” – I don’t think any of us did. I never thought, “Oh god, I’m fat”, and then we got in the industry, and we all started wanting to change things about ourselves. It’s so sad. There are things [in the past] I definitely wish I hadn’t done,’ she says, referring to the suicide attempt, in which she took an overdose after a two-year battle with depression and an eating disorder. ‘But would I be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through all of that?’ ‘There was a time when it was worse than it is now,’ adds Leigh-Anne, who has increasingly used her own Instagram channel to vocalise her experience of racism, both overt and underlying, throughout her time in the band. ‘I guess we’re taking steps forward, but I fear for my [future] daughters…’ ‘It makes me not want to have a kid,’ agrees Jesy. ‘Those insecurities that we all have now because of social media, imagine having that embedded in you as a child?’ Before you write them off as four very lucky girls ungratefully complaining about a lifestyle so many dream of, I should point out that they are fully aware of the paradox of their privilege. I suppose the point is, it’s not too much to ask to not be bullied to the point of hospitalisation as a by-product, is it? ‘Little Mix has changed our lives for the better, and our families’ lives, and we have achieved so much,’ says Perrie. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ agrees Jesy (a warning I will hear repeatedly throughout our hour together, perhaps thanks to almost a decade of their quotes being blasted out of context for click-bait). ‘I’m not going to sit here and say we’ve got a terrible life, because we haven’t, but I do think our innocence was taken from us.’ It’s a while since the girls last did any press. Lockdown saw a halt to any activity they had planned, including the launch of their new talent show, BBC1’s Little Mix: The Search (in which they, well, search for a new band to mentor and join them on tour). But the time apart has not diminished their ability to finish each other’s sentences and jump to each other’s aid. It has, it seems, been really rather good for them and allowed them to come back fired up for the release of their sixth album, Confetti, which came out this week. ‘It was needed,’ agrees Jesy. ‘We’re never not with each other and we’re always busy. Our mornings start early, we finish really late.’ Being at home has meant more time spent with their families, with Jade even starting her own show on MTV with her mum Norma. Called Served!, the self-filmed series saw the pair interview celebrity drag queens and challenge each other to cooking competitions. ‘I love drag culture,’ she says, ‘and me mam was by herself in lockdown, so I thought it’d be something nice to keep her entertained.’ ‘Your mum could be on Loose Women,’ Leigh-Anne muses. ‘Imagine our mams on a show!’ shrieks Jade. ‘Nobody else would get a word in edgeways with my mam,’ laughs Perrie. ‘Ooh, when Debbie goes off on Twitter,’ says Jade, of Perrie’s mum’s habit of weighing in on comments from haters. ‘My mam will text me, have you seen Debbie’s been going off on someone!’ It is interesting that all four talk frequently about their mums throughout our chat, and yet there is no mention of fathers. While their mums often appear on Instagram, a sighting of Perrie’s dad on her 23rd birthday was extremely rare. Perhaps the Little Mix dads’ absence in the narrative is because the four girls were predominantly raised by their mothers (all of their parents separated when they were younger), and another reason the group’s bond is so tight. Little Mix are each other’s wall of arms, their own personal bodyguards. Jesy, they unanimously agree, is Scary Mix (although I find her a delight), which is interesting given her own inability to bat off other people’s words. ‘When it’s you on your own dealing with something personally,’ Jesy says, ‘It’s completely different. You feel so vulnerable alone, but we are a force when we’re together.’ It’s not hard to see, in today’s social-media obsessed society where there is little retribution for cruelty, why four attractive, successful young women, with attractive, successful young boyfriends (two footballers – Perrie dates Liverpool’s Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Leigh-Anne is engaged to Watford’s Andre Gray – while Jade is with Rizzle Kicks singer Jordan Stephens and Jesy is going out with Our Girl actor Sean Sagar), who seem to be living a dream life have found themselves at the heart of a whirlwind of vitriol. There was the infamous spat with Piers Morgan, in which he mocked them for posing naked but for the insults that have been hurled at them painted on their bodies. He accused them of using sex to sell records and called them ‘foul-mouthed, talentless, clothes-allergic little dimwits’, which is not how I find them to be. ‘I take Piers with a pinch of salt,’ Jesy says, rolling her eyes. ‘He does it to cause drama, so I take no notice. When we won The X Factor, we didn’t look like a generic girl band: we’re all different shapes and sizes, we didn’t dress sexy, so immediately everyone was, “What’s this?”’ ‘Usually, when you see a girl band, they’re perfection, they have six-packs – and we didn’t,’ continues Jesy. ‘People saw us as kids, so even though we’re now women, people still think of us that way, so when we come out on stage in leotards, they think, “That’s disgusting!”’ ‘One Direction didn’t get the s**t we get, because they’re men,’ states Leigh-Anne. ‘It’s like, “They’re four girls, let’s come at them”. As soon as it’s girls, they think, “Oh you slag.”’ ‘When it’s men, it’s celebrated, but the minute women sexualise themselves and feel powerful doing it, we’re told to rein it in,’ adds Jade. ‘We’re conditioned to think that women are there to be these innocent and pure beings and the minute you step out of that, it’s carnage.’ Little Mix, however, are not scared of embracing that carnage and of sparking a debate. For their show The Search, Jade describes how it was important for them to set the tone on respect when each new person auditioned. ‘Because we are small women, it’s important to show people that they need to respect us, that we know what we’re talking about and we need to be listened to,’ she says. ‘There’s no nastiness,’ continues Jesy about the show, which has been praised for modernising and freshening up the age-old TV format. ‘There’s no making anyone feel uncomfortable for entertainment.’ They also insisted a large part of their budget be dedicated to looking after the contestants’ mental health, understanding, first hand, the pitfalls of talent shows. The Search is not their first attempt at diversifying their talent. As a group, they have LMX make-up line and also a perfume, Style By Little Mix. Subsequently, they have become expert businesswomen, refusing to make the mistakes of pop groups past, so often left completely penniless at the end of their careers. ‘I remember walking into an early label meeting and saying, “This is who we want to be, this is the campaign we want, this is the imagery we want,”’ says Jade. ‘We knew our brand from the get go and we very much steered that ship.’ It’s a long way from their (as Jesy puts it) ‘working-class backgrounds’. Since joining the band, each one has bought their mum a house and, while their tale is not entirely rags to riches, the jump from Primark to Prada in recent years has certainly been significant. When it comes to business, Perrie describes herself and Leigh-Anne as the ones who will often seek a compromise in difficult situations, while they send Jesy and Jade in when deals need to be made. ‘Jesy’s the badass,’ Perrie laughs. ‘Whenever I’m scared, I’ll stand behind her. She’s the one who puts her foot down in a boardroom full of men and says, “It’s going to be this way.” But we pick our battles. We don’t just argue about every decision – it’s when we feel we have to.’ ‘Nobody could say that we are difficult, and if they do, they’re lying,’ says Leigh-Anne adamantly. Adds Jesy: ‘We know what we want, and we know what kids want.’ Little Mix have lived over a third of their lives in the spotlight. They’ve seen how things work, how things don’t, and they’ve learnt how to cope with it all. The lows may have been spectacularly low, but the highs have surpassed any of their expectations. Their story is not your classic fairytale, but it’s one they have learnt they can write their own ending for. If the Little Mix I meet today is anything to go by, I wouldn’t expect that ending to come any time soon. Little Mix’s new album Confetti is out now. Their movie LM5: The Tour Film will be in cinemas nationwide on 21 and 22 November.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “The Shatter Protocol”

Lol I think you guys are going to totally hate me for this one. Its exciting tho, so there is that. Please don’t hunt me down in my sleep :)

“Commander on Deck!”

Commander Vir took a seat in the captain’s chair spinning around to face front, “Status report!” He barked hands gripped firmly to the seat arms jaw set.

“Rundi radar systems have detected twenty burg short cruisers and at least a dozen kree orbiting satellites, sir, its the whole fucking armada!”

“Keep yourself under control lieutenant! We’ve had worse.” And the way he said it made the crew almost believe him, “Are those satellites armed.”

There was a pause, “No sir, I don’t detect any weapons, mostly just power banks and mild warp capabilities.” 

Off to his left, Sunny had taken her seat at the weapons station, “All weapons systems online.”

“Order the first and fifth fighter squad to deploy.” He said, “Have them pull around back.” He turned to the communications officer, “Get the GA on the line and get me more ships! I don’t care if i have to sell my soul to the GA, but we need more firepower. We aren’t going to win this if we can’t flank them.”

“Yes sir.” He engaged the radar screen, and deployed the forward cameras even as the front blast shields closed over his line of vision, only to be replaced by a projected image of the same.

“Commander, burg warships moving into position.”

He clenched his teeth into a snarl, “Why won't these bastards just give up already.”

“Sir Kozlov and Ho have arrived, and are maneuvering into position.”

“Good. Get me the Burg command on the line. I want to talk to them.”

“Yes sir.”

He waited there for a moment, hands still resting lightly on the sides of his seat, though he did engage the manual controls with one thumb as he did so resting his feet lightly on the pedals and moving his hands to the control sticks.

A projected image appeared in his vision, and it was big and ugly, with too many legs, a couple of mandibles, and some twitching antennae. Commander Vir wished he could meet the thing in person, simply to spit in the creature’s face.

“Commander.” it hissed, it's sibilant clattering voice making him want to open up his skull and itch at his brain.

“I’m afraid you have e at somewhat of a disadvantage…. I don’t know your name.”

The creature hissed, “We are on equal playing fields, commander.” It placed a little emphasis on the last word.

Commander Vir kept his face neutral, “You and I have never been on equal playing fields.”

“I think we have.”

“Well no, you see because ever conflict humanity has had with the burg, we’ve won. Three times. Some of your peop’e were defeated by army ants, so forgive me if I am skeptical.”

INstead of flying into a fit of rage like he had become accustomed too, this creature simply chittered its mandibles, “That will change soon enough.”

“Don’t suppose I can convince you to surrender?”

“No, I don’t suppose you can.”

Commander Vir tapped his fingers  against the chair seat, “Than I suppose you will die like the rest of your predecessors.”

The burg commander, still calmly, “There are worse things than death, commander.” ANd then the line went dead.

Commander Vir frowned, but was cut off from his thoughts, “Sir, The burg ship is preparing to fire.” “Beginning evasive maneuvers.” At the back of the ship, the rear thrusters pulsed and they shot downwards jolting much of the crew in their seats. They couldn’t feel the projectile pass, as there was no blast radius in space, but the COmmander’s quick maneuver had stopped them from taking a round straight to the nose fo the ship.

“Sunny, fire when ready.”

“Yes sir, predictive engine has been booted.”

“Predictive engine?”

“Sunny flipped up the joystick on her weapons module, “Yes sir, I designed it for times just like this.”

Commander Vir watched nervously as she worked, finger twitching towards the trigger on his joysticks, but she was the weapons expert, it was time to let her work.

Two shots fired one slightly delayed from the other. The first of them aimed for the far right deck of the burg ship. It missed entirely as they maneuvered to the side and straight into the path of the second.

Commander Vir had never seen a hit so solid in his entire life.

He blinked in shock as pieces of debris exploded into space around the burg ship.

“Direct hit, sir.” She said. If she had had time to think, she would have been pleased with herself. The predictive engine she had spoken of earlier, was a piece of engineered software she had designed just for this occasion. It used probability, mathematics and fast calculation to determine the most likely course of action for a ship maneuver in comparison to a fired shot. In this way she could predict her target’s movement to an accuracy of 65% and almost up to 72% if she played her cards right.

Commander Vir tightened his hands on the joysticks, “What do you need me to do, Sunny.”

“You do whatever you need to, commander, and I will match you.”

She has sent off anther careful volley of shots, slowly rotating the guns in pairs of two to give the others time to cool off.

Bright white lights lit up the vast darkness of space as the two groups began firing back and forth at each other. The Celzex ship glowed an almost neon purple for a second before a massive discharge cut across the intervening space at speeds nearly incomprehensible.

A burg ship exploded, almost atomized on the spot.

The burg line broke, and dissolved into chaos breaking left and right. Commander Vir maneuvered his ship to the side, and cut forward, dancing the massive ship like a delicate ballet dancer across the stage of space.

As they cut by, Sunny armed close range ballistic cannons, sending a rapid onslaught of tungsten rods straight through the burg hull depressurizing an entire side of the ship. Captain Vir rolled to the side out of the way of another line of fire.

Outside, the fighters swarmed around his ship keeping burg fighters at bay. At a distance, the fight almost appeared like a swarm of bees around the head of a bear, one lumbering, the the others fast and graceful.

The burg tried to cut around to flank them from the back, but Captain Kozlov and Ho were waiting for them. The two crossed their firing fields, and decimated anyone who was stupid enough to enter. The Rundi ship covered the Celzex ship with it’s shielding, dropping it only on occasion when the Celzex’s weapons had charged back to full power.

Their weapons were slow, but when they hit, they absolutely decimated whatever they touched.

The ship shook as one of the burg fighters brought a line of rapid gunfire down their hull. Commander Vir cursed, knowing he could do nothing against an attack from such a small fighter.

Two more sharp blinks of light in the middle of space, and a Terasaki ship appeared escorted by another Rundi imperial.

Their appearance on the fighting stage was so sudden, the Burg had no time to react.

The Terasaki, as innovative as they were  shot off a projectile towards two burg ships. It missed entirely, or so it seemed unti l there was a bright pulse of blue light, and the two ships jolted suddenly sideways as the absolutely massive magnet pulled them together.

They did not remain their long as the Celzex took the opportunity blasting both ships and the Tesraki magnet into atoms.

However, while their shields had been momentarily down, the burg had fired another volley, and the rundi ship rocked violently to the side. At least six burg ships concentrated their attack on the limping cruiser as its shields flickered on and off. The concentration was too high, and commander Vir maneuvered around and back behind them as a pice of the RUndi shi was blasted off. Bodies were sucked out of the open compartment and into the vastness of space.

He was flanking them now having turned a full 180 from their their original position.

Sunny humed in pleasure.

On board the ship’s most powerful railguns fired in quick succession. Commander vir jolted in his seat as the huge weapons bounced the backwards forcing the rear thrusters to fire in response, keeping them steady.

The first round blasted apart the Burg shield, and the second round cut right into the burg engine bay.

He was almost blinded by the bright light as the ship seemed to atomize right there on the spot as the Burg warp core was perforated, and the half that did not atomize imploded. The sudden destabilization of the warp drive was powerful enough to create a rift in the airspace that immediately warped the back halves of two and the front halves of two burg warships into oblivion.

Debris Pelted their companions mostly warded off by shields, but some scored lucky hits on the ships that had already had their shields damaged.

The Celzex took care of the rest blasting an entire field of burg ships into powder.

That was when Commander Vir sensed something to be very very wrong. He didn’t know what for sure, but a pit had formed in his stomach causing his heart to drop into his pelvis. The battlefield around them was chaotic, the burg having switched sides.

He was in back now, and there seemed to be a lot less burg ships than originally.

But where…? He wasn’t sure what made him turn the ship around, but he did, and when he did he saw the reason for his sinking stomach.

“Commander come in do you read, we are sensing a power anomaly behind you.”

He barely heard the words that came over the coms, as he watched the final satellite drop into position in the ring, and when it did a massive pulse of blue power erupted from around them.

When his vision cleared, what lay before him, caused the pit in his stomach to bore it’s way out of his body, his metaphorical heart sinking onto the floor.

Desperately, he fired all thrusters full forward. 

The massive churning black abyss before them was powerful enough to warp space around it. Rings of light rolled at its edges pulsing around and over like a halo, though the center was of the deepest most malevolent black he had ever seen.

Screaming erupted on the bridge.

His ship jolted, and without his bidding slowly moving forward despite their full thrust backwards.

“FIRE THE WARP CORE NOW!” He screamed his hearing popping out to be replaced only with a ringing.

“FIRING WARP CORE.” One of the front panels of the harbinger broke off and went careening towards the black pit.

The ship’s hull screeched.

There was a sharp pulse, and then a jolt. That rent the air around them.

He almost passed out with the powerful wave of warp energy that blasted over the ship, and then died.

“WARP CORE MALFUNCTIONING!”

INside his heart was hammering, his throat was tight and his eyes stung. He stared at the gaping blackness before them and it’s swirling halo.

Comms lit up, “Commander we can’t get any closer, commander!”

It was at that moment he knew.

Suddenly, very suddenly his heart slowed, his breathing evened out. HIs eyes stopped prickling and despite his skin being cold he did not shake. He was still in the command chair as chaos reigned around him.

He heard himself speak as if from outside his own body, a voice that was calm, and decisive, and cool despite the hint of sadness that touched it. Though he did not shout, the power of his voice silenced the bridge, “Initiate the Shatter protocol.”

Everyone was silent.

“Everyone evacuate to the life pods and sealed decks immediately.” His seatbelt clicked into position, and he took a deep breath.

“But commander.”

“I said evacuate, now.” he did not raise his voice but the tone made it clear he would take no argument.

The crew stood from their seats.

Commander vir reached out and under his seat pressing a button that he had never wanted to press. Purple light blinked on around them.

Initiating shatter protocol.

The bridge crew filed out of the room as commander Vir stared stoically forward.

Please report to a restraint harness on an air locked deck or to the lifepods.

Commander Vir closed his eyes thinking “Conn, are you there?”

A soft voice, “Yes commander, I am here.”

“Can you get my dog-”

“Already done commander, she is safe with me.” 

“Conn.”

“Yes?”

“You know I never mean the things I say to you, right?”

“Yes, commander, I know.” 

The Bridge was almost completely empty now.

Shatter protocol to initiate in three minutes.

A hand on his shoulder.

He looked up, and saw sunny standing over him, her golden eyes wide with horror, “Adam, what are you doing!”

“Someone has to stay behind, Sunny. I have to manually fire them if I want everyone to make it out.”

“Bullshit.”

“Sunny, if you don’t leave right now I swear to god I will hate you for the rest of my life.” He locked eyes with her seeing the confusion and hurt there, “I will hate you because you will have murdered someone I loved.” She stared at him still not comprehending what he had said, but that was ok.

He stood allowing the seatbelt to disengage.

He stood Resting his hands on her upper arms pushing her slowly back towards the door.

When she wouldn’t move fast enough, he hugged her close pushing harder until the door was just behind them.

He turned his head to look up at her.

He leaned up moving onto the tips of his toes to reach sliding his hands onto the cool chest plate of her carapace.

She looked down at him confused, maybe scared.

He leaned up a little further bracing his toes against the steel, and shoved hard. 

Sunny stumbled back pitching to the floor as he raced forward and slammed his fist into the locking button.

The door slammed shut as Sunny leaped to her feet.

Sealing ship decks.

All around the ship powerful airlocked metal plates slid down from all the doors, locking each individual deck into an air right compartment.

He heard the metal snick into place behind the door in front of him.

A captain goes down with his ship

He turned and took his seat back in the captain’s chair back straight chin held high.

He reached down and pressed the button again.

Jettisoning Deck F

Once upon a time, some engineer somewhere had designed a plan for an event like this. Lifeboats and escape pods were ok for small numbers of people, but for large amounts at a short notice, it just wasn't viable. So they had designed it where the decks of the ships themselves were lifeboats.

In an event of an emergency the decs would be sealed off into airtight compartments and then, one by one, jettisoned backwards from the ship using all systems for external power.

OUt in space, the Harbinger broke apart starting from the back forward. Thousands of escape pods and chunks of the ship rocketed backwards all at once fracturing like a pane of glass.

Commander Vir felt the power and lurched slightly forward in his seat. The lights around him dimmed as the command deck was cut from power. As the thrusters vanished, there was nothing to keep him stable and he rocketed forward towards the gaping maw of the black abyss. 

HE rested his head back in his seat watching the hole grow wider before him. 

He thought of his mother, hoping she wouldn’t cry too much, of his father who had never lost a son. He thought of his brothers. He thought of Dr. Krill. He thought about his crew, and he thought about Sunny.

Nothing but blackness in his vision.

In the darkness of the bridge, he whispered one final phrase to ALL of them before the command deck spiraled into blackness and vanished.

I love you

[thotsforvillainrights]

Hey ho, hope you're feeling well~ I am glad you cleaned out the ask box, think about your health too not only us readers, you're important too! ♡ Besides that can you pls write something fluffy for Shigaraki, Compress and Giran? I need my boys~ - Rin (idk if you saw that I changed my username)

~Shigaraki/Sako/Giran Fluff~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

~Shigaraki~

-A lot more touch starved than he lets on. Like really REALLY touch starved. Tomura will hold you complete hostage and make you hold him all day and sometimes well into the night. Sometimes it’s just an hour of you rubbing his scalp and playing in his hair, other times it’s just having you straddled on his lap while he plays a game. It’s never as sexual as you may think either. He’s just down for your tender love an care more often instead. So you’ll have to put up with that a lot more often behind closed doors. He’s pretty clingy sometimes (not always though, so beware)

-Very grumpy type person in the morning. To plainly cut it...Tomura has some serious insomnia half the time. He’s rather stay up in an online match all night till 4 a.m and then sleep all day till 4 in the evening. You have to help him come out of that, and a part of it is waking him up pretty early in the morning. He can be a bit of an ass afterwards so you’ll simply have to beware and endure. I promise he gets better once he’s fully woken up

-Dedicates at least one day out of the week to you 100%. Sometimes he’s pretty busy with work/the LOV and he can’t always engage in lolligagging and cuddling. However, by dedicating this one day to you (doesn’t matter which one you want), he’s able to focus on you and catch up on any lost time from the rest of the week. Now this doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend any time with you outside of that one day, it just means he spends most/all of his time on that day. 

-Has finally decided to open up to you with his emotions. He’s being so honest about his emotions so please do not judge him. He might even get so far down the line that he ends up crying just a bit at his darkest moments as he recalls them to you. Do you know why? It’s because he loves you so dearly that he trusts you with this. If you slip up and mock him, or go spreading his secrets, then he’ll lock back up forever. That means you’ll never get a chance like this again.

~Compress~

-Honestly being with him makes you forget he’s a villain half the time. Sitting up and star gazing with him, looking into those eyes of his and seeing that sparkle too? You start to wonder how in the heck is Sako even a villain to begin with?! Despite this, he’s still so dear to you whether he’s a villain or not. Because when you’re together, he’s always keen on showing his truth that lies within his heart. He’s always gonna show you the real him, so you never have to worry about anything else.

-The absolute king of really terrible dad jokes. In fact, he’s bad at just about any and all jokes! But you still laugh at his cheesy attempt because of the way he eagerly delivers the jokes. And because you’re laughing really hard at the moment, he figures the joke must have been a hit. You don’t have the heart to tell him it was lame and that was why you were laughing so hard. You also don’t have the heart to tell him memes is not pronounced mi-mi’s. Sure he’s a little behind in the times but he’s genuine with it, and it seems so wholesome coming from him

-You never get tired of his little magic tricks or his over the top presentations for them. No matter how many times he hits you with the sudden flowers in a marble trick, you always gush at it. However, you might need to tell him to slow it down because you’re running out of space to put all those flowers he keeps on making appear!

-He’s patient with you, and very caring. He’s a little less jealous than most men, but that’s only because he shows such maturity for his age. I mean, Sako wonders why he should get jealous the waiter at the restaurant is flirting with you when he trusts you? The answer is: he knows he doesn’t have to. Sako trusts you and knows you wouldn’t do anything to put a wedge in the relationship (and he’d never do so either). This is just one of the many things that makes him such a wonderful partner!

~Giran~

-He’s a businessman...well, of sorts. You knew long before you two got together what type of ‘work’ Giran was tied up with. You knew how hectic it was, and you even knew it was dangerous as well. These are just the things you signed up for having being with him. Now just because of is business demeanor, doesn’t mean he’s not gonna treat you right. Giran treats you softly while still being just firm enough to help offer guidance at the same time. Sure he’ll give you kisses if you stumble in life, but he’s still gonna direct you and scold you like a kid sometimes so you’ll see your mistakes and correct them. He’s pretty damn supportive, and you can bet he’s got plenty of wisdom with those years on him

-Will literally buy you whatever you want. You want a new phone, a fancy outfit or something? You want a new car? Fine, give him a little time and he’s on it. At this point, he’s got sugar daddy energy but please try not to call him that. Well...leave off the sugar part as respect. Giran doesn’t mind if you just use daddy sometimes though😏

-This man would be a mess without you. His sense of style is questionable at best and his memory isn’t the best when he’s feeling overwhelmed with work. You probably have to direct him to his socks in the morning because he’s scattering about like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Sometimes he might let you sit with him at one of his more secure work places. You help him stay focused sometimes, while other times he can’t help but focus on you instead of work. Those are the days where you have to head home and let him be lol

-He’d probably dispose of anybody that dared disrespect you or hurt you. He wouldn’t be so quick to do it on public or with you knowing. No, he’d hire some ‘helpful hands’ to do his dirty work for him. You’ll never hear from that person again and if you ever bring it up, he just distracts you with 1000 butterfly kisses and tender caresses to your cheek. Sure he smells of cigarettes, whiskey, and cologne at the moment, but damn is he the man for you❤❤❤

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNMJH7vHL7APNobUykhK4w?view_as=subscriber

[yandere-society]

First, Do No Harm

Sypnosis: Dr. Kim is well known as the most skilled heart surgeon in the hospital, but when you notice his mortality statistics seem skewered, you discover all is not what it seems. Now, Dr. Kim is offering you a choice: will you join him? Or become yet another broken heart beneath his scalpel?

Pairing: Namjoon x Female Reader

Word Count: 7.2k

Admin: @psycho-slytherin​

Valentine’s Day Event Masterlist

Trigger warnings: yandere-themes, mentions/descriptions of death and dying, blood, murder?

You stand back, holding your breath as Dr. Kim Namjoon removes the camera from his young patient’s chest and smiles. “Another day, another Tetralogy of Fallot.”

The nurses and residents clap politely, and you join in. Dr. Kim is a legend within the hospital and across the country. You have nothing but admiration for the greatest pediatric cardiologist of your generation. And you, as a senior anesthesiologist, have gotten to witness some of his greatest achievements.

“Great work, everyone. He’s going to be just fine,” Dr Kim says, catching your eye and grinning. You can’t see his smile through his mask, but his trademark dimples appear below his eyes.

Those dimples have done nothing but enthrall just about every hospital employee since day one, and sometimes even you have to wonder if you’re truly immune to his mesmerizing gaze.

As you replace the equipment on the anesthesia cart and switch off the many machines that kept your patient asleep for the duration of his surgery, your attention turns to tomorrow’s patient– a fifty-two year old liver transplant recipient named Mr. Lim. You’ve already prepared his plan, and it should be pretty straightforward. 

You’ve always loved the art of anesthesiology– it turned surgery from a lowly last resort to a tolerable option, from screaming and bloody struggles to a quiet and hyper-focused operating room. Anesthesia set the stage for the advancement of medicine, and you’ve never thought twice about your choice of specialty.

Plus, it means you get to see Dr. Kim, the handsome cardiologist, whenever you’re working on a surgery with him. You smile at the thought. That’s great, too.

As you scrub out, your thoughts drift to your plans. Valentine’s Day is next week and you promised your newly-engaged coworker you would be on call. Dr. Jung asked you days ago to take over for him so that he could spend the evening with his fiancé. With your reputation for being perpetually single, you were happy to help. Besides, you like helping people.

“Dr. L/n.” You see Dr. Kim slide in beside you as he, too, scrubs his hands and arms up to the elbow. It seems you two were the last to file out of the OR.

“Dr. Kim,” you reply. “Great work on the Tetralogy of Fallot today.” It’s a relatively common, but sometimes deadly, combination of birth defects. The patient today was a five-year-old boy, and when you explained to him that you would insert a breathing tube to help him during the surgery, he looked at you with such trust in his eyes that for a second, it was you who couldn’t breathe.

“It was a collaborative effort,” the cardiologist says smoothly. “Definitely wouldn’t be possible without you.”

You feel a blush warm your cheeks when he turns to you. Dr. Kim has one of those faces whose every line reveals a particular grace– each worried wrinkle seems to have a meaning, and every controlled movement tries to say or hide something which you can never decipher. Despite working together for years, you’ve never had a real conversation with him. Maybe now’s a good time to start?

“Doing anything fun for Valentine’s Day?” You ask casually. Dr. Kim coughs and you realize your mistake, your blood running cold: “Oh, god, no, I’m not hitting on you!”

Dr. Kim chuckles as he dries his hands. “Don’t worry about it, Dr. L/n. No, I don’t have plans– I believe I have a surgery scheduled.”

“Yeah? Anything interesting?”

“Some teenagers got drunk and messed with fireworks during New Year’s Eve. One of the explosions caught a kid in the chest, she got some shrapnel embedded in her interventricular septum. She’s got a leak between ventricles, small enough that I guess they didn’t notice until now. Any bigger…” he pauses. “It wouldn’t be pretty.”

“Oh, geez.” You wince. You can’t imagine the young girl’s terror and pain. You hate suffering, despise violence. It’s one of the reasons you chose your specialty.

Dr. Kim shrugs. “It’s a tough job. Kids are so healthy and able to bounce back, we can’t always tell when something’s wrong– their bodies just try to adapt to it. And the heart has a direct line to our psychological state; when they get scared, when they feel trauma or pain…” Dr. Kim meets your eyes. “It damages them even more.”

You stare at him, a rush of sympathy enveloping you. You’re used to turning off your emotions; numbing yourself to suffering is another part of the job. But where your responsibility is to keep patients safe and calm, relaxed and unfeeling, Dr. Kim’s hands hold within them the lifeblood of each person on the operating table. He, too, is only human, and every life lost must surely weigh on him.

“Right, well…” Dr. Kim chuckles quietly. “I’ll see you around, Dr. L/n.”

“Hey, Dr. Kim.” You hurry after him while shaking your hands dry. Dr. Kim stops, eyeing you curiously. “If you ever need to talk to someone, my therapist is pretty good.”

“Your… therapist?” Dr. Kim adjusts his glasses, his tone questioning.

You take a breath. You’re always the first to promote therapy to people in your profession. “Our jobs can get tough. I started seeing someone years ago, and I probably wouldn’t still have my job if I hadn’t. And you, with your responsibilities–” you fidget. “I can get you some recommendations if that might help you.” You hope you’re not overstepping your bounds.

Dr. Kim smiles cooly, his dimples remaining hidden. “Thank you for the offer, Dr. L/n. I appreciate it.”

“Ah, call me Y/n,” you reply automatically. All your friends in the hospital refer to you by your first name anyways. Hopefully an esteemed professional like Dr. Kim won’t find such a suggestion inappropriate.

The cardiology surgeon raises a brow. “Then I’m Namjoon.”

“I- oh.” You smile briefly. “Alright. Well, I have to get to my rounds– I’ll see you later.”

With that, you turn, reaching for your pager. You don’t notice the surgeon’s eyes follow you down the hall. You don’t see him smile widely, his dimples at last appearing in earnest beneath his glasses.

»»————-　♔　————-««

After you return from your lunch break later that day, Dr. Min, your favorite diagnostician, waves you down. “Y/n!”

You smile, approaching. “Hey– what’s with all the stuff?” Dr. Min’s arms are full of stacks of files, so high his face is obstructed.

“Some bug in the system deleted a bunch of the digital archives from the last couple months,” Dr. Min grumbles. “Luckily we have physical copies of the hospital records, but now we have to reinput the data. I made the mistake of offering to help the hapless interns assigned to fix it.”

You laugh, grabbing a stack of paper out of Dr. Min’s arms. “I’m finished with my rounds today– I’ll help.”

“Ah, Y/n, you’re an angel,” Dr. Min sighs with relief. “It shouldn’t take more than a few hours and if you get paged, I’ll just add another intern to the roster.”

You shift the papers in your grip. “I’ve got a conference call in a couple hours, but I should be fine until then.” After Dr. Kim’s– Namjoon’s– cold cordiality, a friendly face like Yoongi’s is a welcome relief.

Still, Dr. Kim has certainly earned the right to whatever behavior he wants to express; it was his groundbreaking paper that led to the testing of a new surgical procedure to more effectively repair a patent ductus arteriosus and a number of other birth defects. He was the keynote speaker for the recent cardiologists’ convention in the city, and his surgeries are always well-attended; you’ve heard of interns competing for the chance to scrub in and witness him in action. Dr. Kim’s name alone is enough to add a layer of intellect to any conversation. Patients have traveled across the country for his advice.

You follow Dr. Min to the records room, where five interns are already typing away, recording and inputting patient data and medical records.

“How big an operation is this?” You wonder aloud, setting down your files.

Dr. Min sighs. “Big. It’s a disaster, and the hospital board wants to keep it quiet. Everything’s online these days; this fuckup will make it look like we’re behind the times.”

You laugh. “God forbid. Okay, I’ll input the surgery data and you can take diagnostics.”

Dr. Min nods, and you get to work, grabbing files off the pile and settling down in front of a computer.

Patient name: Jeon, Jeongguk.

Diagnosis: Heart arrhythmias. You wince. Heart arrhythmias are a tell of potential cardiac arrest, and the patient would probably benefit from a defib implant.

Procedure: ICD. ICD stands for implantable cardioverter defibrillator– you were right!

Attending: Dr. Kim Namjoon.

“Oh?” you murmur aloud, staring at the familiar name. Today’s full of Namjoon, isn’t it?

When you type in the report, the computer dings, automatically redirecting you to the patient’s file. A big red word greets you next to his name: DECEASED.

You wince. The patient was a young man, and it’s a shame that people die when they should be at the pinnacle of health. You glance briefly at the remainder of the patient’s file, looking for the autopsy report– but you find none.

Still, you quickly shake yourself out of a fog. You want to finish as many as possible before your conference call. Patient name. Diagnosis. Procedure. Attending. Medical history. Additional notes. You try not to pay attention to how many of the patients have the red DECEASED mark on their charts. No surgery, no matter how small, is without risks. If they’re on the operating table, something is already wrong. But why do people have to suffer? Why do they have to die?

Dr. Kim’s– Namjoon’s– name pops up several more times, often following some impressive procedure.

“Kim’s been busy,” you say after an hour of inputting data.

“Hm?” Dr. Min’s eyes are trained on his screen.

“There’s like… hundreds of surgical procedures in these files. Dr. Kim’s responsible for a lot of them.”

“Psh, that’s just ‘cause Dr. Park has been slacking,” Dr. Min snorts, stretching. “I caught him napping in the call room the other day.”

“We’ve all been there.”

Dr. Min laughs. “Sure, but I’ve never been there while my pager was going crazy!”

“No. Was it?” You gasp, scandalized. You sense the interns leaning in, desperate for the attendings’ scraps of gossip.

“Heh, yeah. Anyways, Y/n, why don’t you head out? I can handle the rest–” Dr. Min’s voice turns loud and deep. “And anyone who cares more about Dr. Park’s naps than the work right in front of them can stay here until we’re finished.”

You grin at seeing the interns scramble back to their stations. You remember your years as a medical intern and later, resident– spending so long at the bottom of the food chain humbles a person permanently.

You check your watch– you have just enough time to check on tomorrow’s patient before your conference call. You want to make sure none of his vitals have changed enough to warrant adjustments to his anesthesia plan.

You stroll through the corridors, eventually coming up to the liver transplant recipient’s room. It was a hastily scheduled surgery; the donor liver is being flown overnight to reach him in the morning.

“Good afternoon, Mr- oh.” Standing at the patient’s bedside, examining his chart, is… “Dr. Kim?”

Dr. Kim slides his hands into his pockets and straightens up. You’re reminded of how much taller than you he is. “Ah, Y/n, hello.”

“Hi. I wasn’t aware you were involved with this patient,” you say carefully. What would a childrens’ cardiologist be doing for an adult transplant patient? Still, Dr. Kim must have his reasons. He’s too brilliant a surgeon not to.

“Oh, I was just looking,” Namjoon replies. “I’ll be on my way now, if you don’t mind.”

“Just loo- uh, okay, I guess?” You step aside, allowing him to brush past you. That’s weird, but he’s Dr. Kim Namjoon. He can do whatever he wants.

“So, Mr. Lim…” You look down at your chart before double checking his heart monitor. “How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy,” the patient mumbles. “And grateful. My stomach hurts a bit.”

You smile. Donor organs are hard to come across, and so many patients need them. “Tomorrow’s the start of the rest of your life, huh?”

Mr. Lim smiles, his eyes fluttering closed. “The start of the rest of my life…”

Looks like he’s fallen asleep. You close the door behind you– the surgery is scheduled for 4 in the morning, so you’ll see him soon. Still, you wonder what Namjoon was doing in the room.

After your conference call and hours of reviewing charts from your apartment, you fall into a deep sleep, your pager at your fingertips.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Ah!” Your eyes fly open and you automatically grab for your pager, checking the time. 1:30AM? Your alarm isn’t set to ring for another hour. It’s a message from Dr. Kim Taehyung, Mr. Lim’s transplant surgeon: Call me.

Now fully awake, you’re quick to obey. The phone barely has time to ring before–

“Y/n?”

“Yeah. Taehyung, what’s up? Did the surgery get rescheduled?”

“No. Uh, sleep in today, okay, Y/n?”

“What?” You straighten up, already stepping into your shoes. “Of course not. What’s going on?”

Taehyung’s voice is hardened, but you can hear an exhausted kind of grief leak through. “We were too late. This morning’s liver recipient just passed.”

Your heart stutters. “Huh? That’s ridiculous– I checked on him yesterday!”

“Acute liver failure, most likely. The nurses must have given him too many pain meds, which probably accelerated the damage. Time of death was an hour ago.”

“Ah, shit. Shit.” You run your hand through your hair. The start of the rest of your life, you’d said to him… You were too late. “Okay, thanks for letting me know.”

“Hey, Y/n, it’s no one’s fault, understand?” Taehyung says sharply. He knows you too well.

“Yeah.” Your therapist loves to say the same thing. “I’ll see you later. Send me the autopsy report?”

“Yep. See ya.”

Unable to sleep, you fall back onto your bed. Mr. Lim was so close to lifesaving surgery– how could it have been too late? My stomach hurts, he’d said. You should have taken him more seriously. Where were the nurses? One should have been present. And you, as the damn anesthesiologist, should at least have noticed he had too many analgesics in his system. Shit.

After several more restless hours, you throw on your white coat and drive to the hospital. Even if the surgery was called off, there’s still plenty to do. Dr. Min is probably still reinputting records into the hospital database– surely he could use some help.

Besides, if you don’t help anyone today, you think your heart might explode.

Luckily, Dr. Min is more than happy to have an extra pair of hands typing away.

“Did you hear about the patient that got his left arm amputated?” Dr. Min says while you scan another report.

“If you say they’re all right now, I’m going to amputate your arm,” you reply dryly, checking out the next file. Oh, another operation by Namjoon. Some sort of emergency reparative surgery? The patient is listed as a nine-year-old girl.

“Yes, ma’am,” Dr. Min says jovially. 

DECEASED. A dark monster wells up inside you at the word.

“Fuck!” You yell, slamming your hands on the table and probably traumatizing two interns. For once, you don’t care. You’re so sick of pain, of suffering, and… “Why do people keep dying?”

“Woah! Hey, Y/n, c’mon…” Dr. Min takes the paper from you. “Deep breaths. This has always been part of the job– you know that.”

“It’s not fair,” you whisper, that monster in your chest weighing you down. “She was nine. Nine, Yoongi.”

Yoongi inhales sharply, glancing at the report in his hand. “Son of a bitch. Yeah, that’s… well, it’s part of the– what?”

“What?”

“It says the surgery was successful. Why’d she die?”

You purse your lips, forcing yourself to calm. “The cause of death should be listed. Or there should be an autopsy report attached.”

Yoongi’s eyes narrow. “I’m not seeing anything. Huh. And the attending surgeon…?”

“Namjoon.”

Yoongi hands you back the report. “Hold up. You’re on a first-name basis with Dr. Kim Namjoon?”

You stare at the surgeon’s printed name on the sheet, and all the power and reputation attached to it. “I guess.” Something’s bothering you– and you can’t quite put your finger on it.

“Hey, Yoongi, I’m going to run down to the morgue, okay?”

Dr. Min shrugs. “Go ahead, I hate that place. See you later.”

Yeah, you hate it too. You definitely hate it too. But some irksome curiosity won’t let this go– Mr. Lim’s body would be in the morgue right now, if he passed away last night. What you’re hoping to find, you don’t know. But you know one thing– Mr. Lim shouldn’t have died, and neither should have that nine-year-old girl.

And their only connection is Dr. Kim Namjoon.

As you take the elevator down to the morgue attached to the hospital, you try to make sense of your thoughts. Why was Namjoon in Mr. Lim’s room before his death?

Before long, you’re greeting Dr. Kim Seokjin, your favorite medical examiner.

“Ey, Y/n, how’s it going?” Seokjin asks happily, removing his face mask as he steps out of the autopsy suite. “You never come for a visit down here.”

“Yeah, I had enough of brain cutting in medical school,” you offer with a dry smile. “Listen, Seokjin, I need a favor– can I check out the body of the liver failure patient from last night?”

“For you, babe? Anything. He’s right up front.” Seokjin walks back to the many refrigerated doors, each housing or awaiting a body.

You’re quick to grab some gloves, and Seokjin rolls out Mr. Lim’s body. Your breath catches– there he is, the same man you spoke to only yesterday. When you first entered the medical field, you had thought dead bodies simply looked asleep. Now, with years of experience under your belt, you’ve learned to recognize that extra layer of weight, the particular stiffness in one’s limbs, the complete lack of motion in one who’s passed.

“I just want to check him for liver failure symptoms,” you say. If Mr. Lim really did die from acute liver failure, his eyes would be yellow from jaundice and his belly would be comically swollen and…

And it’s not. What?

“Seokjin,” you murmur, eyeing the man’s body. He’s no more bloated than he was last night. “In… In your professional opinion, did this man die of acute liver failure?”

“I can’t really say this early, but…” Seokjin shines a flashlight into Mr. Lim’s open, unseeing eyes. You notice only a slight yellow tinge, hardly at the extreme of acute liver failure. “He’s certainly missing the external symptoms typical of liver failure. Unless I see a lot of internal evidence pointing to the contrary during autopsy, I’d have to wager on another manner of death. Judging from the position of the hands and state of his muscles, he was in a lot of pain. Why do you ask?”

Your heart sinks. “No reason. Hey, can you pull the autopsy report for the girl who died last month? I didn’t find it on her file.”

“I know exactly who you’re talking about.” Seokjin frowns, grief temporarily clouding his gaze. “In all my experience, I’ve only had five children on the table– and she was the youngest. But the report should have been attached to her file.”

You shrug. “A lot of the digital archives were lost recently.”

“Let me find the physical copy.” Seokjin returns Mr. Lim to the fridge and strides into the morgue office, sifting through files. “Ah, here. Cause of death is listed as unknown.”

“Unknown?” You wrinkle your brow. How, in a hospital full of doctors, medical examiners, and expert diagnosticians, how can they not be certain of how this child died? “What’s the manner of death?”

“Dunno. There was evidence of myocardial contusions, but simple bruises on her heart like the ones she had shouldn’t have killed her. It’s probably a combination of the stress from the original injury as well as the operation itself– but it’s not enough evidence to call it natural.”

You take the autopsy report, feeling oddly numb. Two inexplicable deaths, and both with a connection to the famed surgeon.

You know there’s probably nothing wrong. Sometimes people die when they shouldn’t, it’s a fact of medicine. And Dr. Kim is brilliant, popular, well-known. It’s not possible for a man like him to… what, deliberately harm a patient? No, no way. He took the same oath you did, made the same promises: To help a patient to the best of your ability; to share knowledge; to admit, if necessary, ignorance, and… first, do no harm.

You take a deep breath. You’re going to look over some more files in between surgeries. And… you’re going to keep an eye on Dr. Kim Namjoon.

With a quick thanks to Seokjin, you once more join the land of the living. You barely turn the corner before bumping into–

“Dr. Kim!”

The surgeon chuckles, his eyes dark behind his glasses. “I thought we were doing first names now?”

“Uh…” You gulp. Does he know what’s on your mind? “Right, forgot.”

“How are you, Y/n?” Namjoon doesn’t seem to be in any hurry, instead choosing to lean against the wall as you stand, frozen, before him.

“Good. Yeah.” You clear your throat. For some reason, his eyes suddenly remind you of Mr. Lim’s– cold, unseeing, dead. “I was helping Dr. Min with the data loss, since my surgery this morning was canceled.”

“I heard about that. Liver failure, right? It happens.” Namjoon sighs and frowns with the same kind of expression as you saw before you recommended therapy to him– a kind of sympathy that you can now only see as fake. Was it all a lie, or are you just being paranoid?

“Actually, I just checked on his body in the morgue,” you say carefully. Is it your imagination, or did Namjoon stiffen slightly? “And his symptoms weren’t characteristic of liver failure. It was strange.”

“Really?” Namjoon’s eyes don’t quite meet yours, as though they’re looking through you– it’s unnerving, but some instinct tells you to continue.

“Yes. A-and I was wondering… what were you doing in his room yesterday?” It really doesn’t make sense– nothing short of a personal connection to the man would explain Namjoon’s presence in his room.

“What was I doing to your patient?” Namjoon repeats, a smile appearing on his face– dimples and all. You nod, and he leans closer, closer. “That’s easy. I was killing him.”

»»————-　♔　————-««

You take a deep breath, smoothing down your slacks before looking over your shoulder. You still haven’t decided whether he’s following you or not, but you don’t want to take any chances.

For the past four days, you’ve called in every favor you can to keep from coming in to the hospital, instead reviewing charts, designing plans and taking calls from home. But now it’s the morning of February 14– Valentine’s Day– and you got what you wanted: a meeting with the hospital’s board of directors. You’re back in the hospital for the first time since Namjoon spoke those dreadful words, and you’re scared; what if he hurts you for what you’re about to say?

Be brave, Y/n.

You walk in at 9:00 precisely, your stacks of files landing heavily on the table. “Hello.”

“Ah, Doctor.” The president of the hospital, Dr. Haden, says calmly. “You called this meeting to address some concerns?”

“Yes.” You grit your teeth. “My name is Dr. Y/n L/n, and I believe Dr. Kim Namjoon is deliberately harming patients.”

»»————-　♔　————-««

Two hours later, you leave the conference room, walk across the hall to the restroom, check to make sure the restroom is empty, lock yourself in a stall, and…

“AAAAAAAAAAAH!”

»»————-　♔　————-««

The board of executives was dead silent while you spoke: you had gone back through three years of patient records to find that while Dr. Kim’s success rate in surgery was high, a higher-than-average portion of his patients were dying within weeks of finding themselves on his table. You can’t prove that he’s hurting patients who aren’t his, like Mr. Lim, but you have to assume it’s true.

“These are children and teenagers,” you’d said, voice breaking. After all, he’s a pediatric surgeon. “I’ve done the math, and you may check these figures: Dr. Kim’s post-op mortality statistics are unethically high.”

“Perhaps, but–”

You weren’t done. In your digging over the last several days, you discovered something else. “Additionally, during the data breach last week, it appears that the autopsy reports of Dr. Kim’s deceased patients were almost entirely deleted. All that remain would be the physical reports, a number of which I have here.” After you explained your suspicions to Seokjin, he… well, he didn’t quite believe you, but he was happy to provide you with the reports. “Every single one of the deleted autopsy reports has the cause of death listed as unknown, as in, there wasn’t enough evidence to declare it a completely natural death!”

“Dr. L/n!” Dr. Haden says, raising his voice. “You’re talking about an esteemed fellow–”

“I am well aware of Dr. Kim’s stellar reputation. I wouldn’t be making such a weighty accusation without absolute certainty in my statistics. Additionally, a patient of mine died prematurely after I saw Dr. Kim visiting their room– you can check the camera footage to see. When I asked Dr. Kim what he was doing in the room, he said, quote, ‘I was killing him.’”

When you heard Namjoon say those words, you felt your blood run cold. Was he lying? Was it a joke? If it wasn’t a joke, why would he just admit his crime to you? He had followed it up with something somehow scarier–

“And guess what?” Namjoon had said, the smile never leaving his face. “I’ll never get caught.”

You swallow through your nerves. “It is my opinion that Dr. Kim should immediately be suspended from his duties pending investigation.”

There, you’d done all you could. And yet…

“We appreciate your efforts, Dr. L/n.” Dr. Haden had said after the board deliberated for not-long-enough. “But what you have presented is circumstantial. We have not found sufficient evidence to open such a serious investigation into a respected medical professional such as Dr. Kim.”

»»————-　♔　————-««

Which is why you’re screaming in the bathroom. Dr. Kim is harming, maybe killing, his patients. He admitted it! The board was so enamored with his name and reputation that they weren’t able to see through to what you’ve come to realize must be a twisted interior. How can you feel safe ever again if Kim Namjoon walks these same halls? Your well of favors has dried up, and you promised Dr. Jung you’d be on call in the hospital tonight for Valentine’s Day.

Namjoon will be here too. A night for lovers…

And I’m spending it with a killer, you think with a shudder. Seokjin had told you that Mr. Lim had died in great pain; even though you don’t have evidence, you’re certain Namjoon must have had a hand in his suffering. Why would he want anyone to suffer?

And for goodness’ sake, why would he admit it to you?

“Seokjin, you believe me, right?” You ask the medical examiner later as you return the files to the morgue. Since you’re back to work, you’ve changed from your suit into the more appropriate hospital scrubs and white coat.

“You really cannot tell me Dr. Kim Namjoon is a serial killer and expect me to believe you, babes,” Seokjin replies. “That’s like saying Mother Theresa stole from the poor.”

“Which she like… maybe did?”

“It’s Kim Namjoon, Y/n! He’s a genius– everyone idolizes the guy! Serial killers aren’t that hot and smart!”

“Seokjin, I don’t. Feel. Safe.” You hiss. “Not around him!”

“Around who?”

You swivel around to see… ah, beans. “Dr. Kim.”

He smiles. “Y/n. I’m starting to think you don’t want to call me Namjoon.” He nods at Seokjin. “Dr. Kim.”

Seokjin smiles. “Back atcha. What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you had the toxicology report for that nineteen-year-old with the blunt trauma?”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

“The one from the car accident, with the naked Jennifer Lopez tattoo?”

“Ohh, yeah, Lopez Guy. Let me grab that for you.” Seokjin strides into his office, shutting the door behind him.

“No, wait-” Shit. You and Namjoon are left alone, surrounded by dead bodies. Fantastic.

“Haven’t seen you around lately, Y/n,” Namjoon says, an icy smile painting his handsome face.

“Y-Yeah, I was sick,” you reply. “Came down with something I must’ve picked up in the infectious diseases ward.” I was avoiding you, your untouchable reputation, your killing hands.

“That’s a shame. I’m glad to see you’re back and feeling better, just in time for Valentine’s Day.”

“You–” you’re evil.

“Here ya go, Dr. Kim.” Seokjin returns, handing Namjoon a file. “I also emailed it to you.”

“Thanks. Hey, mind if I borrow Y/n for a second?” Namjoon says, a strong hand gripping your shoulder. Shitshitshitshit.

“Uh…” Seokjin must see the panic in your eyes. “Y’know, I think I needed her down here…”

Yes, thank you.

“Oh, it’ll only be a second. Call it an urgent matter.” Namjoon turns the full force of his dimpled smile onto Seokjin. “You know how it is.”

“Ah, alright, sure.” Seokjin says faintly, his voice enchanted. Namjoon steers you into the elevator, and your only solace is that the entire hospital is monitored. But those eyes…

He’s going to kill me.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Y/n.” Namjoon says eventually, breaking the elevator’s silence.

Your heart pounding in your chest, you turn to him. “Why not? You hurt Mr. Lim. He died in pain– how could you?”

Namjoon shrugs casually as the elevator door opens. “We all have our vices. C’mon, this way.”

He admitted it. He just admitted it– how can he not have been caught?

Namjoon stops so suddenly you almost run into him. “We’re here.”

“Where?”

The surgeon taps the door beside him. “Your new friend’s room.” With an iron grip, he pulls you into the room and shuts the door behind him.

It’s a regular hospital room– complete with a patient, a sleeping young woman attached to an IV drip, bandages decorating her limbs.

“What happened to her?” you whisper.

“Got hit by a drunk driver. Broken ribs, internal bleeding, and a severe concussion.”

You examine her, overtaken by habit built over the years. “All survivable.”

Namjoon shrugs. “Sure. But that’s what I like– people who could survive.”

You take a step back. “W-what?”

Namjoon reaches down, caressing the patient’s cheek. “People in the prime of their lives. People who have years and years ahead of them. Cutting those years short– stealing their lives away–” Namjoon groans, a low, almost erotic, rumble from deep in his throat. “I love it.”

“I–” you stare wildly around the room, looking for the security camera.

“Don’t bother,” Namjoon says without turning. “The camera’s been broken for months. So was the one in Mr. Lim’s room.”

“You… you just admitted it.” Your throat is bone-dry, and although every cell in your body is screaming for you to reach for the door, you’re rooted to the floor. “You killed Mr. Lim, you’re killing your patients!”

“Yes.”

On hearing that one word, that confirmation of the fears that have been growing within you for the past week, it takes everything you have simply to remain standing upright. “Why am I here? Are you going to kill me too?”

The surgeon chuckles. “Of course not. I told you, I’ll never hurt you. The hospital needs you.”

“Then why…?”

Namjoon shrugs. “My… methods are painful. The patients can be loud– they’re suffering, after all.”

You wince. It’s like he knows exactly what to say to push your buttons. “W-why don’t you knock them out first?” Oh god, are you actually making suggestions to a serial killer? You need to leave, need to call the police. Would they even believe you without concrete evidence? And why does Namjoon have to cause them pain?

“It’s not my expertise. Now,” Namjoon says, turning to you with a smirk. “If only I knew someone who was a specialist in anesthesia, who could keep a patient asleep and unfeeling, and who could completely eliminate their suffering?”

You stare at him, realization dawning. “You’re insane.”

“That’s the first I’ve heard of it.”

“You think I’ll help you? We swore an oath, Namjoon!”

“You swore to help a patient to the best of your ability.” Namjoon advances until he’s only inches away. “She is going to die. That is a fact. You can report me to whoever you want, but like I told you– I’ll never get caught, and I always get what I want.”

“I–”

“She is going to die in great pain. I will make certain of that. And when she’s looking up at me, asking me why, begging me to let her live…” he leans down, his voice an emotionless whisper in your ear. “I will tell her exactly who is forcing her to suffer. And she will die with your name on her lips.”

You feel your knees go weak, and before you know it you’ve collapsed, catching yourself hard on the cold floor. “I-I–”

Namjoon crouches down next to you. “Think it over. You’re here on call all night, and besides, it’s Valentine’s Day.” He chuckles humorlessly. “We can make this our first date. Romantic, right?”

You still can’t bring yourself to speak, your head swimming with the cries and screams of all the suffering this man has caused. You would never help a psycho, never allow a murderer to continue. But… What can you do, if no one will believe you?

Namjoon cocks his head, clearly waiting for you to speak. When you can offer him only silence, he sighs. “Well, I have that kid’s reparative surgery coming up soon. I should be done in six or so hours, and after that, I’ll be back here. I hope you’ll be joining me.”

“How do you kill post-op?” You ask abruptly. You have to know, have to figure out how so many of his surgeries which were deemed successful were leading to DECEASED stamps days or weeks after the fact. If only they would die on the operating table, directly under his hand, maybe your statistics would be more compelling.

Namjoon pauses. “It’s pretty simple, actually.” He mimics holding a scalpel, and you shudder. How many lives had those hands cut short? “Depends on my mood, but usually during surgery, I make a hole in between ventricles– small enough that no one notices until the patient is discharged, but big enough to…” he winks. “You know. Achieve my goals.”

“Were you the one that caused that data breach?”

“Of course,” Namjoon says matter-of-factly. “Most people aren’t willing to look further than computers; if a piece of information isn’t online, it’s easy to forget about it, and assume it doesn’t exist.”

You bite your lip. “Why me?” He’s in between you and the door. Maybe if you keep him talking, some other doctor will come in and save you. Or will they only see the great Dr. Kim Namjoon and leave you alone?

“Why you? Well, Y/n, you found me out. You’re a brilliant anesthesiologist. And you hate to see people in pain.” He stands, stretching. “I’ll see you after the surgery, Y/n. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

And with that he leaves you shivering on the floor, accompanied only by the steady beeps from the EKG, indicating a strong heartbeat– a heartbeat soon to cease. You stand on shaky legs, staring at the woman; she can’t be older than twenty-five, and despite dark bruises coloring her face, you can see she’s beautiful.

She will die with your name on her lips, his voice echoes in your head. The police won’t arrest him without more evidence; the hospital board is too busy singing Namjoon praises to see his bloodthirst.

As you walk out of the room, carefully closing the door behind you, you think about your oath to help patients to the best of your ability. If your ability won’t save her life… What could you do to help?

You could take her pain away, a very small voice inside you whispers. You quickly shake your head, guilty that you would even consider such an awful choice. You grab your laptop and bring it with you to the on-call room. You try to spend the time designing anesthesia plans for upcoming patients. It used to always calm you down to imagine your patients asleep, calm, unfeeling. During surgery, you manage a ventilator in order to breathe for your patients, making constant adjustments to their dosage, and generally allowing the surgeons a calm OR. You’re supposed to help, to ease suffering, to save their lives by allowing for complex, invasive surgeries.

Could you live with yourself if you used your knowledge to go against your oath? To help kill a patient?

You wouldn’t be killing them, that same voice argues, louder now. She’s going to die anyways. You’re saving her from suffering and feeling the pain of whatever he’s going to do to her.

And then what? How could you continue to call yourself a doctor, knowing what you had contributed to?

Forget about it. Forget about him. There were no cameras– as far as any jury knows, you were never aware of that girl in the first place. There are hundreds of patients passing through the hospital– you have no reason to know her. If the board opens an investigation– and you’re amazed they haven’t yet opened one into Namjoon’s crimes– you’re certainly not guilty. Right?

But you’ll know. You’ll know she died and that you did nothing to stop him.

Still, you don’t know what Namjoon is capable of. Sure, he said he wouldn’t hurt you, but what about your friends? Your family? Are they safe?

After several hours, you check the clock. It’s 8:00 at night, just around the time Dr. Jung must be sitting down to a Valentine’s Day dinner with his fiancé. When you agreed to cover his shift last week, you didn’t exactly expect this to be where you would end up.

You stare down at your glowing screen, your charts and lists doing nothing to ease the inescapable knowledge that in only a few hours’ time, Dr. Kim Namjoon will kill a patient. What can you do?

Stop him.

Help her sleep.

Risk your loved ones.

Save yourself.

“Gah!” You shove your chair out, unable to sit still for a moment longer. Already you feel like a fraud in your white coat– do you even deserve to wear it, for how much you’ve been considering Namjoon’s offer? He could hurt you in retaliation if you refused, hurt your friends, cause you to lose your job– after all, his influence is wide and his reputation spotless. He could easily blacklist you from working at another hospital. But would he?

If he’s willing to kill… You’re certain he’d do anything to get his way.

But, and you can’t stop yourself from returning to this point– he’s also willing to harm. You’ve witnessed patients die, both with and without anesthetic. The former is peaceful, simply a breath of air and then no more. The latter can be full of tears and pain, with muscles seized up even after death, a homage to the suffering that could always be avoided.

What the hell. How could you be considering this?

Silently, you stand up and navigate once more to the patient’s room, just catching a nurse as he exits. He brightens when he sees you, and you vaguely recognize him.

“Hey, Dr. L/n! How are you doing?”

“Ah- fine,” you reply distractedly.

The nurse seems to notice, eyeing you carefully. “Well, that’s good.. Are you here to check on Eve?”

Eve. Of course, she has a name– Eve.

“Yes.”

“Unfortunately, she’s just fallen back asleep, but all her vitals are looking good.”

“Thanks for letting me know,” you manage before entering. You’re greeted by the sleeping young woman, breathing calmly, the monitors and machines surrounding her reassuring you that she’s as healthy as her body will let her be. Your anesthesia cart is right down the hall. It wouldn’t be difficult, or even strange, to bring it in here. Dr. Kim will be out of the OR soon. Should you do it?

“Mm… Doctor?”

You jump and turn. “O-Oh, you’re awake.”

Eve blinks sleepily. “Who are you?”

You swallow. “My name is Dr. L/n. I’m going to make you feel better, okay?”

The girl nods, then grimaces. “Thanks– my chest really hurts.”

You feel your heart breaking. How can you stand by, knowing how badly she’ll suffer under Namjoon’s hand? “You know what, let me get my cart over here, we can take care of that pain for you.”

“Thanks, Dr. L/n.” She said your name.

You pad down the hall to retrieve your cart. Even though nighttimes can be busy for the hospital, to you it feels deserted, as though the nurses and interns passing by are nothing more than ghosts. Or perhaps you’re the ghost?

You’re soon to return, wheeling cart which bears the mask, gas containers, breathing tubes, and other supplies to ensure a seamless operation. Eve has already fallen asleep again, her meds surely contributing to her exhaustion. It isn’t long before, as promised, Dr. Kim shows up.

“You came,” he says cooly, his voice void of surprise. Did he know?

You swallow. “I don’t want anyone to have to suffer,” you say simply.

Namjoon smiles, his dimples making an appearance. “I know.”

You can’t look at him as you expertly attach the mask to Eve’s face. Usually you would measure the dosage of nitrous oxide and Isoflurane to ensure she wakes up healthily and on time, but in this case… it’s not necessary. The woman barely stirs, and soon enough the EKG indicates she’s down for the count. Next, you insert a breathing tube into her trachea and attach it to a ventilator, letting the machine take over for Eve’s now-incapacitated lungs. She can’t feel, won’t cry out, and…

She won’t wake up. You step back, blinking tears out of your eyes. Your heart is pounding loudly in your ears, drowning out all common sense. “She’s all yours.” She’s innocent. You’re helping her, right? Easing her pain, holding off the terror, the suffering. If she’s going to die anyways, this is the best way that you, as a doctor, can help her.

Namjoon’s breathing hitches audibly, and you see his dark eyes trained on Eve’s face. “Usually they can see me…” he murmurs. “They look at me, and they’re so scared. Some people need to feel that fear, but I don’t.” He raises a clear syringe. “I just need to feel them go.”

It’s as though you don’t exist. “What’s in the syringe?”

He turns to you, his eyes as blown out and wild as you’ve ever seen them. “Oh, nothing.”

“N-nothing?”

Namjoon smiles, rubbing Eve’s arm fondly. “A little bit of air into a pulmonary vein–” he taps the empty syringe– “or as close to one as I can get, and her pretty little heart won’t know what to do. It’ll just look like the trauma caused her to go into cardiac arrest.”

“And she won’t feel a thing?” You whisper, watching as Namjoon inserts the needle into Eve’s arm, barely a milliliter of air entering her vein.

“That’s right. Thanks to you, she’s safe from harm.” Namjoon sets aside the syringe and presses a hand to Eve’s chest, over her heart. You spot his dimples make a cameo once more. “Isn’t that beautiful?”

You watch in silence for several moments before the EKG fibrillates wildly, beeping in alarm before flatlining– Eve is dead, without moving a muscle, without a single shout of pain.

She’s safe from harm. “Yeah,” you reply, staring down at your hands. Did you kill her, or save her? And what is this smile growing on your face? “Yeah. Beautiful.”

[zoe-dinh]

Shameless Media: A Start-up's Guide To Digital Stakeholder Engagement

OVERVIEW

Today’s businesses exist in a world where everything is rapidly changing. How organisations communicate with stakeholders, and vice versa, have been transformed by the digital age.

Not only are stakeholders powerful and tech-savvy, thanks to digital media, they now also have direct contact with companies and organisations 24/7 (Ozer 2020).

Companies therefore are much more accountable for their conduct and value (Tench & Yeomans 2017). This can either play to their advantage, or hinder it in a critical way.

As such, businesses need to foster relationships with stakeholders by leveraging the power of digital media. The goal is to have a community of people who support the organisation, who resonates with the brand’s value and message.

An example of modern organisations championing this is Shameless Media. Utilising digital media, Shameless engages with their stakeholders through strategic branding and content marketing.

How can we capture people’s hearts and minds in an attention economy? Let’s learn from this millennial start-up.

CASE STUDY: SHAMELESS MEDIA

Profile

Shameless Media (SM) is a millennial gen Z’s destination for all things digital content. Operated in Melbourne by a team of five young women, the company was founded in 2019 by writers Zara McDonald and Michelle Andrews.

Although relatively young, the podcast venture has accumulated a consumer base of over 20 million listeners, plus a growing community of 220,000+ followers across Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. SM also recently created a brand-new agency for content creators and influencers, The Sana Agency.

Stakeholders

Since its inception, the podcast has not had a single episode that has not been sponsored (Forbes 2021). More notably, Shameless listenership is overwhelmingly 94.7% women in their 20s (Gillezeau 2021).

SM's key stakeholder groups thus include:

1. Consumers: audiences, readers, listeners; and

2. Sponsors: collaborators, business partners.

Current digital operations

PLATFORMS

1. Podcast

At first glance: Eye-catching cover. Good tag line (“The pop culture podcast for smart people who love dumb stuff”). Almost always seen in the Top Charts.

My thoughts: I was surprised to discover how new the podcast is. Its popularity, large growing number of listeners and content quality make Shameless seem a lot more established.

Open and honest, the hosts are not afraid to let audience knows where they stand on critical issues (feminism, politics, climate change etc.). New episodes are regularly scheduled which is good for audience retention.

As a consumer, I am drawn to the show/company for their seeming authenticity and relatability. Not to mention the well-balanced research that allows audience to form their own opinions without being spoon-fed. 10/10 recommend.

2. Website

At first glance: Layout is easy to look at. Visually appealing. All relevant info seems to be there.

My thoughts: Nice design, but not as much interactivity as I would have liked. When I tried looking for more information on the founders and organisation, something like an About Us section for example, there was none. Neither was there any resource or material on the business side of things (annual reports or data analytics or anything of the sorts).

One may excuse this considering the age of the organisation. However, I believe SM might benefit from a website update or revamp. It will certainly be helpful for those like me who are curious, who do research on the firm and would therefore like more access to information.

3. Instagram

At first glance: Quite large following. Relatively high audience engagement. Content layout not my personal taste, but appealing overall.

My thoughts: Shameless has great social media presence, especially on Instagram. The company made good efforts in interacting with followers. There are the ‘Your say Fridays’, polls and Q&A every other day on Stories. Users regularly comment on posts (memes, podcast updates & announcement), and many get replies from admin.

Overall, Shameless is doing very well with social media engagement and audience interactions.

4. Facebook

At first glance: Not much to see/do as this is a private group. Nice cover image though.

My thoughts: Large community of readers of nearly 34,000 members. The group has been active since 2019. While discussion threads cannot be publicly viewed, those interested in the content can find related episodes on the Shameless podcast.

Over on Instagram, there are links in bio to the book-selling site for each month’s pick. Makes me wonder whether or not these are affiliate links.

5. LinkedIn

At first glance: Small-to-medium sized following. Appealing visuals, though not too much information.

My thoughts: I have seen the Shameless LinkedIn profile before, but has only started following them recently. The account is not too active, the latest post was from a few months ago. Perhaps this is because the content that circulates on LinkedIn often revolves around business culture, not the usual focus by SM. Most of the posts thus far are general announcement and job openings.

In the future, SM might be benefit from a more active LinkedIn page, so as to not only attract new audience and potential talents, but also to establish their presence more firmly among competitors in the corporate world.

DIGITAL STAKEHOLDER ENGAGEMENT

The corporate brand is constantly being co-created by organisation with their stakeholders. Dialogical communication is said to enhance this along with corporate reputation (Gundolf et al. 2018; Ozer 2020; Rosenberg & Seager 2017).

In reality, what might this look like?

From tactics to dialogic communication in digital media, let’s look at how SM has been engaging with stakeholders.

Dialogical communication in digital media

Tactics

Potential areas of improvement

Lack of strategy

Upscaling the business

Other types of content, especially video

CONCLUSION

So far, leveraging social media has helped Shameless achieve their goal and stay true to their brand. “Win their niche, core audience, nurture specific community of mostly young working women” (Gillezeau 2021).

The company’s success is in no small way thanks to the relationship they have with their audience. SM has intimate understandings of what the audience wants, and are able to deliver it.

This is in large part due to the founders being in the same demographics as their audience. As McDonald put it, “[W]e wanted to tap into a younger demographic that we thought were generally being ignored by mainstream media” (Forbes 2021), which explains the company slogan.

“We make content for ourselves, our mates, and you”.

Branding and content wise, SM is doing a good job capitalising on the trends, particularly with interactive content, content marketing, and online content communities (Clark-Keane 2021; Thomson 2019).

Yet, it is also important to note the fortunate position SM finds themselves in. As a millennial start-up, they are already advantaged by having skills in digital media and technologies.

Nonetheless, through forces of strategic digital communication, Shameless Media has been successfully engaging with their stakeholders through a combination of clever branding and content marketing.

---

REFERENCES

Clark-Keane, C. 2021, ‘7 Content Marketing Trends to Watch in 2021’, Wordstream, https://www.wordstream.com/blog/ws/2020/11/23/content-marketing-trends

Forbes, T. 2021, ‘How I Do It: Shameless Media’s Zara McDonald and Michelle Andrews on building their empire’, Fashion Journal, https://fashionjournal.com.au/life/how-i-do-it-shameless-media/

Gillezeau, N. 2021, ‘Shameless Media: The podcast start-up that’s rejecting big offers’, Australian Financial Review, https://www.afr.com/companies/media-and-marketing/how-they-built-it-shameless-media-20210330-p57fbu

Gundolf, K., Jaouen, A. & Gast, J. 2018, ‘Motives for strategic alliances in cultural and creative industries’, Creative Innovation Management, vol. 27, pp. 148-160, DOI: 10.1111/caim.12255

Johnston, J. & Rowney, K. 2019, ‘Social networks’, Media Strategies: Managing Content, Platforms and Relationships, Taylor & Francis, Sydney, pp. 75-103.

Kim, K. 2021, ‘How to make sure you’re marketing to Gen Z the right way’, Sprout Social, https://sproutsocial.com/insights/marketing-to-gen-z/

Ozer, D. 2020, ‘Organisations’ use of social media from the perspective of dialogical communications and marketing-oriented public relations’, In B.O. Aydin, S. Gurbuz & O, Dugan (eds.), Public Relations in the Networked Publics, Peter Lang, Frankfurt, pp. 211-235.

Rosenberg, M. & Seager, P. H. 2017, ‘The Big Picture: Four Trend that Change Everything’, Managing Media Businesses, Retrieved from ProQuest EBook Central, DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-52021-6_1

Smart Insights 2020, ‘7 ways to reach and influence millennials using social media marketing’, https://www.smartinsights.com/social-media-marketing/social-media-strategy/7-ways-to-reach-millennials-through-social-media-marketing/

Tench, R. & Yeomans, L. 2017, ‘Exploring Public Relations’, Global Strategic Communication, Pearson Education, Harlow, Available from: ProQuest EBook Central (14 August 2021).

Thomson, C. 2019, ‘Top Marketing Trends For 2020’, Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesagencycouncil/2019/10/03/top-marketing-trends-for-2020/#6889ba113d5d

-END-

[devinetheory-2]

I found this unnervingly accurate and fascinating.

Things Narcissists Do When They Think No One Is Looking ..

1 – Go through your personal things

2 – Create numerous dating profiles

3 – Try to get in touch with their exes on social media

4 – Visit websites of very dubious merit. KIK Skype etc.

5 – Try to turn your family and friends against you

6 – Plant spyware on your devices or install hidden cameras etc.

7 – Sabotage your finances

8 – Spy on you

9 – Flirt with your best friend (or even your adult children)

10 – Plan secret rendezvous with their side-supply

11 – Hoover old sources of supply (a.k.a., their exes)

12 – Pave the way for their next relationship

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist, there has likely come a time when you developed a burning desire to know the things narcissists do when they’re by themselves.

If we’re to be sophisticated about it, we must consider that like other citizens of society, they engage in activities that are conducive to maintaining a certain level of livelihood.  Things like going to work, having their cars serviced, and going to doctor’s appointments.

But apart from those harmless undertakings, things turn rather bleak.

Narcissists rarely ever admit to it, but all your worst fears regarding your relationship are playing out just underneath the radar of your awareness.

You know that ever-present, vague sense of dread you have in the pit of your stomach, wondering if they’re lying or telling the truth?  That’s your intuition, which can cause physical sensations in the body.

Our “gut feelings” are called that for a reason — research suggests that emotion and intuition are very much rooted in the “second brain” in the gut.  In fact, Michael Gershon, professor and chair of pathology and cell biology at Columbia, says, “The gut can work independently of any control by the brain in your head—it’s functioning as a second brain.  It’s another independent center of integrative neural activity”.

But don’t take my word for it.  You can read all about it on Psychology Today in an article titled, Your Backup Brain.

My job here is to give you a breakdown of what the narcissist in your life – employing very specific techniques of psychological depravity – does when they think no one is looking. Hidden secrets that would literally bring you to your knees…

Here, I map out thirteen of the most common things narcissists do when they think no one is looking.  The possibilities on this topic are endless, but the following is a sampling of the ones I’m most familiar with, some of which I personally experienced. 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Things Narcissists Do When They Think No One Is Looking ..

1 – Go through your personal things

Narcissists are constantly doing things that they will eventually be confronted with.  Therefore, they spend inordinate amounts of time trying to dig up the most minuscule piece of incriminating evidence against you so that they will have ammunition when they are finally caught.

Many times, what they find “incriminating” is just a figment of their imagination or something entirely fabricated.  For example, I used to work in the banking industry for years before I left to become a teacher and, later, to create this space for narcissistic abuse recovery.

As a bank employee, I wore suits which required me to wear pantyhose.  One day, I accidentally tore a hole in a pair of them and discarded them in the trash.  My ex, during his regular “dirt diving” practice, found them and confronted me with them, accusing me of having been unfaithful.

Of course, he was entirely wrong, but you can probably imagine how it turned out.

Long story short, narcissists engage in sneaky, underhanded behaviors every day. In many cases, they think other people are like them, but just better at hiding it.  In others, they simply want to have something to throw in your face when you discover they’re still doing ‘that thing’ they promised you they would stop doing.

A general exception to this shady practice is the cerebral narcissist, who uses their intelligence to lord over others.  They think most people are simpletons who don’t have anything interesting going on in their lives, except, of course, other academics and scholars whom the cerebral narcissist is insanely jealous of.

2 – Create numerous dating profiles

Not all narcissists cheat, but most of them do.  The ones who don’t tend to be of the “cerebral” ilk and simply do not enjoy having intimate relations with other people.

But if the narcissist you know is attractive, extroverted, and likes being the center of attention, it is very likely they are doing things you would be horrified to learn about.

To the narcissist, seducing people is another tool for manipulation, control, exploitation, and destroying the self-esteem of their partner(s).  In most cases, there’s serial cheating, withholding affection, degrading requests, verbal assaults, and addiction to off-color websites.

Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, they’re so skilled in the bedroom that their partners often stay in the abusive relationship because they’ve never had it so good, which creates a twisted dynamic leading to self-loathing, guilt, and shame.

At any rate, narcissists have a track record of being serial cheaters.  This explains why they generally have their cell phones on lockdown, leave the room when certain calls come in, and are oddly obsessed with a text exchange as you’re sitting down to dinner during your anniversary.

If you’ve caught them doing this, don’t be fooled by their seeming attempt to earn back your trust.  It doesn’t matter if they let you go through their phone if they’ve secured a secret line behind your back.

If it feels weird, you’re probably onto something.  Don’t ignore your gut on this one.

3 – Try to get in touch with their exes on social media

Imagine this scenario.  You’re sitting at your work desk and decide to call your partner (whom you suspect is a narcissist) to check in and get a feel for how things are going.  They seem fairly friendly and the two of you make plans for dinner and a movie that night.  You hang up feeling relieved and begin to think your recent arguments were probably just normal relationship issues.  You feel slightly elated thinking about how the evening will unfold.

The narcissist, however, hangs up and goes back to liking their ex’s Facebook and Instagram photos.  The two of you have been arguing a lot lately (due to their relationship crimes), so they have to line up another source or two of narcissistic supply to have as a backup for when you finally come to your senses and give them the much-needed boot.

Moral of the story?  Never trust that the narcissist will be a decent person.  Ever.

4 – Visit websites of very dubious merit.

Webcam sites, porn, KiK, Snapchat, Tubmblr etc.

Since the media powers-that-be are now filtering and blocking certain terms and phrases, I am unable to express the exact terminology I’d like to use here, but, suffice it to say that many narcissists, when alone, spend hours on various websites of very dubious merit.

Sites that would break your heart and devastate you for weeks on end if you’re in a romantic relationship with them.

If you have discovered your narcissistic partner has been visiting such sites, you can bet with 99% certainty that he or she also has online dating profiles and is probably hooking up with other people behind your back.  At the very least, they are likely engaging in things via the internet with people they’ve met online that would make you feel unwell.

5 – Try to turn your family and friends against you

Contrary to popular belief, the narcissist’s smear campaign doesn’t begin just after your breakup.  In many cases, it’s been alive and well for some time.  You just weren’t aware of it.

The reason everyone now runs in the opposite direction from you or, at the very least, looks at you with a raised eyebrow, is that the narcissist has been smearing your reputation since before the relationship even ended.  The two main reasons for this are:

All relationships are doomed in the narcissist’s mind and they want to get a running start on assassinating your character.

They assume you will vent to people in your shared social circle and want to ensure they cut you off at the pass so you will look unstable when you muster the courage to start talking about your experiences.

These actions are to preserve the false image they’ve portrayed all along.  Unfortunately, they’re often very successful at doing this.  If your friends or family have suddenly started pulling back or questioning your judgement, the narcissist has likely planted the seeds of doubt in their minds.  If they openly side with the narcissist when you begin sharing your relationship struggles, it’s time to start whittling down your inner circle.

6 – Plant spyware on your devices or install hidden cameras in your shared residence

This can happen a few different ways.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t assume they aren’t smart enough to track you using your devices.  I’ve seen this assumption come crashing down around people’s ankles more times than I’d like to admit.

One common method that abusers use to legally track you is by using the geolocation services built into all smartphones; if you know, or can guess, the password to someone’s cloud account, you can follow their movements via the software designed to find lost or stolen phones that comes installed on many devices.   Many times, the abuser sets up a cloud account for the person they want to track, giving them full access to their target’s location at any moment.

If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, don’t accept a phone from them that they’ve set up for you using their cellular account.  If you do, you can assume they’ve set it up to track you.

Another way abusers can keep tabs on you is by installing spyware on your electronic devices.  Some of these spyware can be installed remotely.  It’s somewhat more difficult to install spyware this way than it used to be, but it still happens.

Most spyware is designed to track not only your location but also monitor your calls, voicemails, texts, and emails – and even watch you using the camera on your device.

7 – Sabotage your finances

I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve worked with in my coaching practice who’ve been financially devastated because they gave in to the narcissist’s seemingly genuine requests to give them access to their accounts.make you feel unwell.

They may have loaned you money or paid for a big-ticket item at some point to make you believe they are generous, but it was only to instill in you a sense of obligation in preparation for the debilitating shaft you’d get from them later.

Another scheme that falls into this category is their asking for your support while they are unemployed. These schemes are all designed to “break the seal” in the area of financial matters so they can take shocking liberties later, such as:

Getting loans in your name

Taking out a second mortgage on your home without your knowledge

Not paying IRS taxes, resulting in your possible confinement in jail

Expecting you to pay for everything while they save their own money for themselves

Forcing you to get all the utilities and insurances in your name so you’ll have to pay for them all

…and so on and so forth.

If you’ve been having problems in your relationship and believe your partner is a narcissist, it would be in your best interest to avoid mingling your finances in any way.  If you already have, start a secret account and begin adding money to it whenever you can.  Have your statements delivered to a family member’s address.

Prevent narcissistic financial abuse early by stashing away money when you can and refusing to put your name on any legal documents with them.

8 – Spy on you

We already covered spyware and tracking apps that narcissistic abusers can use to keep tabs on your whereabouts in #6.

However, many narcissists will literally stalk you so they can see what you do when they’re not with you.

While legal definitions of stalking vary from one jurisdiction to another, a good working definition of stalking is unwanted or obsessive attention by an individual toward another person through the carrying out of behaviors intended to frighten, distress the victim, and/or instill a sense of guilt and hopelessness in the victim (which often leads to learned helplessness).  Stalking behaviors are related to harassment and intimidation and usually include following the victim (in person) and monitoring them.

According to Lamber Royakkers, author of The Dutch Approach to Stalking Laws (California Criminal Law Review 3, October 2000):

“Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have a current relationship or a recent one. Moreover, the separated acts that make up the intrusion cannot by themselves cause the mental abuse, but do taken together (cumulative effect).”

Disruptions in daily life that are necessary to escape a stalker can include changes in employment, residence, and phone numbers.   Many targets of stalking have had to move to another country and basically go into hiding.

Many of my coaching clients have been stalked by their narcissistic partners.  Stalking behaviors carried out by narcissists can include:

Constant texts, emails, and phone calls

Frequent, unwanted deliveries of gifts, cards, and flowers

Constantly driving by your home

Showing up at your place of employment or favorite hangout

Spreading rumors or publishing personal information about you on social media

Cyberstalking

Using social media to follow and friend your social media followers and friends in order to keep an eye on you

Installing spyware on your computer or cell phone

Finding out about you by using public records or online search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers

Using technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS), to track where you go

Threatening to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets

Stalking is often mistaken as hoovering in that once a source of supply expresses a desire to end the relationship, the narcissist refuses to give up their power by forcing themselves into the victim’s world through harassing, following, and monitoring.

Stalking is a common behavior of narcissists when a source of supply tries to initiate No Contact.  When stalking begins, the victim typically has a clearer picture of what kind of person the narcissist is…which is why they want to go No Contact in the first place.

If you believe you are being stalked, you should avoid downplaying the issue as it will only get worse over time.  You may have to take protective measures to secure your sense of peace, privacy, and security.

9 – Flirt with your best friend (or even your adult children)

When it comes to narcissistic cheaters, no one is off-limits.  In fact, narcissists often derive a twisted sense of accomplishment if they can get your loved one interested in them, like your best friend or adult child.

So, imagine you’re at work and it’s the narcissist’s day off.  You think everything is relatively calm and feel a spark of emotional safety.  Then, you get a call from your best friend and they give you the very unsettling news that the narcissist has made a pass at them.

If you’re best friend is truly loyal, they will tell you about this the moment it happens.

But in some cases, the flirting continues while remaining a secret.  Maybe your friend has experienced a string of failed relationships.  Or they’ve recently gone through a difficult divorce.  Vulnerability makes a person a prime target in the narcissist’s mind and this may well include your best friend.

My best advice?  Never trust the narcissist alone with your friends or family members.

10 – Plan secret rendezvous with their side-supply

Speaking in very general terms, when a narcissist has an out-of-town trip planned, whether for work or for their third cousin’s wedding, there is a strong likelihood that they will meet their side supply there or even take him or her with them.

Narcissists are creatures of economy and rarely pass up an opportunity to groom supply.  In fact, the narcissist could well be dubbed The Constant Gardner because they are perpetually trolling for and grooming new targets, even though they always have a main source of narcissistic supply.  Furthermore, they are continuously ending relationships for various reasons, especially with those who require a lot of “maintenance” (i.e. normal human interactions) or have stopped giving them money or other fringe benefits.  Therefore, they must fill in the gaps left by those they’ve discarded by securing new supply sources.

Those work trips the narcissist always goes on?  They could very well be genuine, but don’t be surprised when the new supply calls you, asking who you are and what you’re doing calling the narcissist!

11 – Hoover old sources of supply (a.k.a., their exes)

Narcissists typically don’t let go of their exes completely (unless their exes completely let go of them).  They’ve been known to contact old flames out of the blue, sometimes as long as ten years post-breakup!

Not all narcissists do this, but most do.  When a person has passed the litmus test for being “good supply”, narcissists literally can’t help themselves and will often reach out in an attempt to resurrect old relationships (albeit, one-sided ones).

This explains why you may have noticed how the narcissist in your life likes to remain “friends” with their exes or wants you to be friends after your relationship has ended.

It gives them an ‘in’ if they ever need to cycle back around.

12 – Pave the way for their next relationship

You’ve probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one.

Maybe this happened in the aftermath of your own relationship with a narcissist.

The main reason this happens is because narcissists don’t bond with people.  Not romantically, not traumatically (at least, not for them), nor matrimonially.  We from these bonds with narcissists, but they are not able to form emotional bonds with us due to their true lack of empathy and inability to attach to others.

Another reason narcissists are able to form relationships so quickly is that, any many cases, the relationship isn’t so new.  If you’ll remember from earlier, narcissists are always combing for fresh sources of narcissistic supply.  Because of this, most narcissists are perpetually in various stages of relationship with other people, from the shiny, newbie supply to those who are enduring varying levels of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

Therefore, when they showcase the new supply on their social media accounts, it’s usually not someone they’ve just met, though narcissists are often very skilled in making it appear so.

13 – Emotional abuse of partners and spouses

If you’ve ended a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you probably saw them out and about, loving up on the new partner and seemingly having the best time of their life.  You see them flashing an engagement ring on social media and sending out ‘save the date’ notifications, broadcasting how silly in love they are and giggling about how they feel like a couple of teenagers.

Your first reaction might be to (stunningly) wonder what this new person has that you don’t.  Just maybe, the narcissist had been right about you all along.  Perhaps you really ARE the reason your relationship with them didn’t work out.

Then, you feel completely disabled by the seeming about-face the narcissist has made with the new supply, sending you into a depression so deep you can barely get through the day.

This is just another phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle and applies to you the same as it does everyone else.  The narcissist you know is no different from the others.  As personal and unique as it all may feel, it’s just another blueprint narcissistic manipulation.

When you see this happening, it’s crucial not to take it personally.  This is one of the narcissist’s favorite times, when they are love-bombing new supply while simultaneously making you feel like discarded trash.  The narcissist can’t help but gloat over how they’re able to make you feel emotionally destroyed, left to pick up the pieces while they’re off living their life as though your history together means nothing.

What you’re not thinking about is how the new supply will be subject to the same emotional abuse that you’ve endured.  There are no exceptions to this.  Don’t listen to the new trend of so-called professional advice which states that narcissists are only abusive towards YOU because your personality is incompatible with theirs, which is on my list of ‘Stupid Sh*t Therapists Say’.

Narcissists are abusive towards everyone.  Regardless of status, ethnicity, intelligence, religious beliefs, or how tiny their waist is.  The new supply simply won’t be spared, unfortunately.

Dealing with a narcissist

Healing From the Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse

It’s absolutely crucial to come to terms with the unsettling things narcissists do when they think no one is looking so you can make educated decisions for your future and your wellbeing.

Don’t let yourself fall into a false sense of security because the narcissist knows what to say to soften your defenses and make you doubt your judgement.  Pay attention to patterns because patterns don’t lie.

With the right support, you’ll be shocked how amazing it feels when you can flourish on the other side of abuse and heal your life in ways you never

[theoriginalladya]

"Holiday Celebration" for Alexandre/Kaidan :)

from this prompt list

On AO3 here

My friend, thank you so much for asking about Alexandre and Kaidan!  I won’t apologize for the length of this prompt - it’s the beginning of Alexandre’s story, and for that I am very grateful!  (also pardon the extra information for that purpose! lol) I hope you enjoy it!

~~~

Title: Six Cents Dix-Neuf

Summary: 619 days ago, Alexandre Shepard received secondary exposure to eezo in an accident that killed his father. Today, he enters the hospital, room 619, and begins a journey that will change his life forever.

Characters:  Alexandre Shepard, Kaidan Alenko, Nathalie Alenko

Series: Copains de Combat

Author’s Note: Many, many years ago when I was in high school, I was paired up with a pen pal over in France. For decades, he and I wrote back and forth to one another. Twice, I was fortunate enough to meet him in person. He was one of the nicest, kindest people I've ever had the fortune of knowing. We lost touch about 21 years ago, shortly after my son was born, but I always looked for him online in the hopes we might connect again. Sadly, about a month ago, I came across irrefutable proof of what I've known deep in my heart; my friend died shortly after we lost contact with one another. Now, all I have left are the memories.Alexandre Shepard is a fictional creation of the man I called friend. I can only hope somewhere, somehow he knows I still think about him fondly.

~~~

Room 619.  

Alexandre Shepard stares at the number and hears his father’s voice inside his head.  Six cents dix-neuf, mon fils.  A tremor shakes his hand as he reaches for the handle.  Either God has it in for him, or He has a very wicked sense of humor. Six cents dix-neuf.  The same number of days since the eezo ‘accident’ that killed the elder Shepard and exposed Alexandre, which in turn, led to him being here, at this hospital.  

Room 619.

He enters the room, sets his things by the empty bed nearest the windows before walking over to stare outside.  The hospital room is like any other in any Alliance hospital. This one happens to overlook the city of London.  Not a bad view by any means, particularly in winter with brightly colored and festive holiday decorations hanging, but it is not where he wants to be.  Anywhere but here would be preferable; finishing his studies, preparing for enlistment, anything other than waiting for surgery, for an implant to help him control his sudden and unexpected access to dark energy. He never asked for it; he saw the faces of the crew, of the other kids in his class.  His mother.  His brother. Disappointment.  Horror.  Fear.  No, he did not ask for this; apparently, what he wants out of life no longer matters.

Room 619.

The door opens behind him some time later. He isn’t in a private suite, and all Alexandre knows is that his roommate is also biotic.  Though greater in number than they once were, not many come through this hospital, and certainly not enough to create a wing specifically to deal with them.  What few rooms the hospital does set aside for them have to double up on occupancy if and when necessary.  Alexandre swallows tightly.  The fist that rests against the wall tightens, and his gaze is captured as the strange haze of blue returns to spark weirdly around it.  He doesn’t want a roommate, doesn’t want anyone else to know his ‘condition.’  Maman insists he keep it quiet, to protect himself, his one chance at a future. And David?  Well, he was lucky to hear from his older brother at all, and even then, the message was brief.  The ship’s doctor said biotics weren’t a deadly condition.  Someone needs to explain that to his family and friends.

“Six cents dix-neuf,” he mutters, the energy fading as he releases his fist.  Six hundred nineteen days.  Why?

Shuffling steps approach, but stop short of his position. That is something, at least. Alexandre is not in the mood for conversation, good or bad.  He wants to be elsewhere, anywhere but here.  No choice.  But, th minute he knocked Stacey Ratzenburger from her seat in class after a violent sneeze with an added dark energy kick, his life was forever changed.  It’s no longer a question of what he wants, but where he can be put so as to not be a danger, to himself or others.

“Beautiful view.”

Alexandre huffs softly but does not turn.  The voice is deep, warm, comforting in a way, but he really isn’t in the mood to chat.  Still, they’ll be roommates for a time, and his parents raised him to be polite. “It is … different.”  

His companion chuckles softly.  “Your accent suggests you aren’t from around here.”

Alexandre nods.  “I was born in the colonies.”  Which is true enough.  His mother was on leave when he was born, and his documentation lists Terra Nova as his place of birth, even if it was his home only for a few days.  Glancing to his right side, he spies his roommate standing off to the side in the shadows.  Odd behavior, particularly for one who seems to be otherwise outgoing and friendly, but Alexandre does not ask.  The man’s reasons are his own; Alexandre can respect that and hope for the same consideration in return.  “You are from …?”

“Earth.  Canada, to be more specific.”

Canada.  A wild country filled with mountains, trees and wild animals in the western provinces and descendants of his kinsmen in the east. At least, that is how his father explained it once when he was young.  He knows better now, of course.  Half turning, he eyes the shadow.  “Vous parlez français?”

A soft snort – disgusted?  Amused?  He isn’t certain – fills the air.  “Only when I have to.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Alexandre leans back against the wall, a smirk toying with the corner of his lips.  That is a mood if ever he’s heard one before. “Tu me comprends?”

This time, it’s a disgruntled sigh of exasperation. “Yes, I understand you.  I would have thought that obvious?”

“When you hide in the shadows, nothing is obvious.”

There is just a moment when Alexandre thinks perhaps he’s pushed a bit too much.  After all, they have only just met, and not even formally.  Yet, something about this man tugs at memories of his past, at a time more comfortable for him than now.  

How long has it been?  Four years?  Five? I wonder where you are now, mon ami, and where your life has taken you?

With a soft shuffle of slippered feet, his roommate steps out of the darkness.  He is tall, at least equal in height to Alexandre himself, with a mop of dark hair and warm amber eyes.  But it’s the lines of pain at the corners of his eyes that Alexandre notices and he recalls the warning at the desk; he suffers from migraines.  Immediately, Alexandre reaches over and pulls the curtains to block the direct light from outside.  

“Merci.”

Alexandre’s lips curl upward a tick in appreciation, but he cannot help but tease, “Was that so difficult?”

The amber eyes narrow.  “Anyone ever tell you that you are impossible?”

This is what he needs; the distraction, the banter, the return to familiar times. His lips form a full-fledged grin now. “My older brother.  Often.  Repeatedly,” Alexandre replies.  The grin fades a little.  “And an old friend.”  He shrugs, a gentle movement but one that apparently catches his companion’s attention as his eyes focus on it.  “I have not heard from him in a long time.”

“Ah.”  Sympathy? Empathy?  It isn’t unwelcome, but unexpected.  His roommate moves a few steps closer, nods in the direction of the curtains.  “Thank you for that.”

“No trouble.”  Alexandre gestures toward the beds.  “Is it easier for you if we sit?”  He tilts his head in some concern.  “I can fetch a nurse?”

His companion moves toward his bed even before Alexandre finishes asking his questions.  “No nurse,” he insists.  “It’s just … results of the tests they did.”

Alexandre follows, climbing up onto his bed and making himself as comfortable as anyone can in such places.  He tugs his pillow onto his lap, bunching it in his arms. Old habits offer comfort.  “Tests?”

The Canadian lies down, eyes closed tightly, but he still engages in conversation.  “I have an L2 implant, given to me when my biotics manifest a few years ago,” he explains. “Horrendous migraines are one of the many possible side effects.  They are testing to see if there is anything they can do to help.”

The complete and utter lack of hope in his tone leaves Alexandre on edge.  All he knows is what the ship’s doctor told him before leaving.  You are fortunate.  You will receive one of the newer implants, not one of the defective L2s.  To a teenager who has no idea what that means and doesn’t want one, it did little to reassure.  “Do all who have implants suffer?”

One eye opens and focuses on Alexandre. “No.  Is that why you are here?  For an implant?”

Alexandre’s gaze drops and he hugs the pillow close to his chest.  Lifting one hand, he turns the palm up while wiggling his fingers slowly, cautiously. He still has no real understanding of how the biotics thing actually works.  It takes a few moments, but the glow returns.  “Yes.”

The other man pushes up a little, folds his arm and rests it beneath his head as he watches closely.  “You’re worried.”  It’s a statement, not a question.

Alexandre shrugs again.  It’s vaguely disconcerting his reaction is so easily seen.  “I have no choice in the matter,” he replies. Pulling his gaze back to his companion, he counters, “Fate has decided I need more challenge in my life.”  He tosses his pillow back to the bed and flops onto it, staring up at the ceiling.  He does not want this conversation.

“That’s a rather fatalistic approach, don’t you think?”

Alexandre says nothing in response, only rolls so his back is to his roommate.

Several minutes of silence pass.  In the back of his mind, Alexandre hears his father chiding him gently for being rude, but he ignores it.  A soft knock at the door precedes it’s opening, but he ignores that, too.  No one is here for him, and he doesn’t expect the nurses to take undue interest until later this evening in preparation for tomorrow’s procedure.  

Soft steps echo through the room, followed by a soft, feminine voice.  “There you are.”

His roommate’s voice has a slight edge to it when he speaks, but there is nothing but welcome in it.  “Hi, Mom.”

Mom.  Alexandre fights back a wave of jealousy that grasps hold.  It’s stupid; it isn’t his roommate’s fault; it isn’t even Alexandre’s.  With another long glare up at the ceiling, he silently challenges, Why do you do this to me?  Why am I such a tempting target?

When Fate does not reply, he sighs heavily and rolls over to face his roommate and his visitor.  But, when his gaze falls upon the other bed, he frowns.  Something about the woman, about her face, her hair, maybe even her voice, speaks to him.  Or, maybe it’s the small box she carries, so brightly colored and festive looking.  A reminder of happier times.  

“How were the tests?”  She sets the box on the rolling tray table and positions it between the beds.  The response is unintelligible, which is just as well.

Alexandre loses track of time as he focuses on a ray of light coming through the curtains and shining across the room.  Just a sliver, but not enough to bother his companion, he doesn’t think.  Still, it’s plenty to remind Alexandre of the world outside.  Timing, as is often said, is everything; Fate’s decision to throw his life all akilter right before the one holiday he associates most with his father six hundred nineteen days after losing him is ill-timed at best.

Six cents dix-neuf, mon fils.  Joyeux Noël.  

Alexandre closes his eyes, teeth gnashing together. “Six cents dix-neuf,” he whispers to the shadows.  “Joyeux Noël, Papa.  Tu me manques.”

He doesn’t notice the room go silent, or hear the sharply drawn breaths at the other bed.  He doesn’t see two pairs of concerned eyes turn toward him, focused on his huddled form.  Alone in his own private world of despair, Alexandre knows nothing but the pain of loss and change thrust upon him.  Until a moment later when he is torn from his misery by something completely unexpected.

“Kaidan, why didn’t you tell me –?”

Kaidan.

The name is common enough, he supposes, but it is one tied to a happier time in his life, one that has been tickling at the back of his memory since meeting his roommate.  Bolting upright with a sharp gasp, Alexandre half turns until he can look, really look at the man lying in the other bed.  “Kaidan?”  It comes out as a strangled whisper, but the other man must hear it.  Their eyes meet, and Alexandre stops breathing.  Dark hair, dark eyes.  An older face marked by time, a few scars, but beneath it all, something so familiar and unexpected …  Swallowing tightly, Alexandre chokes out, “Mon copain de combat?”

The man’s eyes widen a fraction despite the pain he suffers from, but it’s the word that passes his lips that are the true gift for Alexandre this year.  “Alex?”

He has only ever allowed one person to call him by that shortened version of his name.

Alexandre scrambles off his bed to stand beside him. He glances up to the woman, the ache in his chest lessening.  “Nathalie?” She nods.

Kaidan adjusts his bed.  “Mom, it’s Alex.  Don’t you remember?  From the Lisbon.”

Nathalie Alenko blinks in surprise, but a slow smile curves her lips at the same time.  “Alexandre Shepard?”

One, last tour, the final cap to a long career in the Alliance; the forging of a friendship, now rekindled after seven years separated.

Alexandre turns back to Kaidan.  “I …  It’s you. C’est un miracle.”

With a smile, Kaidan extends a hand that Alexandre takes immediately.  “Well, it is Christmas …”  

[nordic-language-love]

Hello ma belle! Don’t answer if you don’t want to/have time but since you’re a dancer and (I assume) know a thing or two about flexibility and stretching, I was wondering if you have any advice on upper body strength/stretching for people who are super NOT flexible (like me!!). As a student (especially now since everything is online) I spend a lot of time in front of the computer and my shoulders and back often hurt at the end of the day, and I want to be a little kinder to my body. Thank you <3

Hi! I’m so sorry this took a while (I had a lot I wanted to include but I wasn’t sure how much I should include and then I wanted to get some videos too). Honestly I love talking about flexibility and training and stretching so never apologise for that!

Anyway, here's a little "spine reset" routine I like to do when I've been sat at my desk too long (I do it every 45 mins or so, but you can do it more or less). I kinda rush through it here but I recommend holding each position for at least 15 seconds. Honestly though if something feels good then you can spend as long as 90 seconds in it (after that your muscles kinda switch off and you can start to push too deep into a stretch and hurt yourself).

Written instructions below + another video and written instructions (this gets hecka long so it’s going under a cut)

WRITTEN GUIDE TO EACH STRETCH:

1. Clasp your hands together in a prayer position, then kneel with your elbows on your desk. If it hurts your elbows, pop a cushion or a jumper underneath them. Push your chest to the floor. Neck stays neutral.

BONUS FOR ADDED DELICIOUSNESS (to build some strength in your upper back muscles/really target problem areas): Keep pushing your chest to the floor as you tuck your tailbone under. The goal is not to round your whole back, just shift the stretch more deeply into your upper back. If you do this right, you will feel your upper back muscles working!

2. Place both hands on your desk (or a windowsill/bookshelf/wall if your desk is too low - you can also do this kneeling or with bent legs). Push your chest towards the floor, then move side to side. For a deeper stretch, do one arm at a time, using your other arm to pull your lats towards the floor. Neck stays neutral.

TIP: DO NOT JUST JAM INTO YOUR SHOULDER JOINT, YOUR SHOULDERS ARE FRAGILE AND WILL NOT APPRECIATE YOU JUST RAMMING THEM TOWARDS THE FLOOR. Make sure you shrug your shoulders up by your ears (as if you were pushing your desk away) to help keep them protected and actively think about lifting your chest (like there's a sexy person opposite you and you're trying to show them your boobies).

3. Stand up, take your arms out to the side, stick your bum out and lift your chest to the ceiling (yogis often say "heart to heaven" or something; I usually shout "TITS TO JESUS" at my students). I like to move around a bit in this position as twisting your spine a little is good for opening everything out. I usually do this a couple of times. Head back in this one.

4. Clasp your hands together behind your back, bend forwards and take your hands over your head. I tuck my chin to chest in the video but it’s better to keep your neck neutral. Come back up and arch back like in the previous stretch.

5. Lift one arm, bend it behind your head and use the other arm to pull. For extra stretch, lean over to the side and try to touch your hip to your elbow. Keep your chin off your chest and your abs engaged, otherwise your lower back will once again do all the work when you want to be targeting your shoulders/lats. Make sure you do both sides!

6. Place your elbow and palm on your desk, hand in line with your elbow and elbow in line with your shoulder. From there, push your chest down. If you don't feel it (I never do but idk if that's bc my shoulders are hypermobile), twist away from the shoulder your stretching (I use the chair to help push me further into it). Make sure you do both sides! Neck neutral or looking away from the side your stretching.

**

Now for some floor stretches/strengthening exercises. I normally only do one set of any of these because I do them as part of my warm-up plus ADHD means I frankly do not have the attention span to do more than one set of anything, but you can do multiple sets (3 sets is usually good). You don’t have to do them every day but they’re good to add into your workout or to do as a mini-workout on their own (make sure you warm up though!)

QUICK LITTLE THING ABOUT BACK STRETCHES: when doing any back stretches, make sure you think about stretching your whole spine. Your spine naturally likes to bend in 1-2 places (for most people it's the bottom part, other people it's just below the shoulder blades) so really try to think about lengthening your spine and then trying to curl each vertebra individually (this is really hard to actually do, but thinking about it that way helps! Closing your eyes so you can focus on the feeling helps too). 

1. Body waves/spine mobiliser - Moving through child's pose, cow and cobra in both directions. When you lift up into your cobra, try to use your hands as a little as possible (this is really tough to start with but I promise you your back will get stronger!). Take it as slowly or quickly as you like. 2-5 in each direction

2. Back crunches - KEEP YOUR BUTT ENGAGED THE WHOLE TIME, like really think about pushing your hips into the floor. If this is really difficult you and put your feet under a sofa or pop ankle weights on so you can use your hamstrings to help. Again, try to think about curling up and using your whole back rather than just crunching from one part of your spine. Neck stays neutral. 8-12 reps

3. Cobra lifts - These are a little tricky, but they're amazing for building strength in your back. Clasp your hands together, SQUEEZE YOUR BUTT REALLY HARD, then slide your hands down your legs, squeezing your shoulder blades together to lift you up. You may find you don't get anywhere with this at first, but if you persevere your back will get a lot stronger! Neck neutral (I take mine slightly back in the video bc we do that in contortion training). 3-5 reps, hold at the top on your last rep for 5-10 seconds.

4. Supermans - I fucking hate these with a passion but they are good for your spine. Start on your front, then lift your arms and legs (and chest if you can) off the floor. If these are difficult, start by doing just your arms, then just your legs. If this hurts your hip bones, put a jumper/towel/mat underneath. Neck neutral (again I take mine back bc contortion training has me used to doing that). 8-12 reps.

5. Cobra stretch - always start at the top of your spine!! I see so my people just put their hands by their shoulders and push straight up and you miss out on SO MUCH upper back mobility by doing that! Start by curling your neck, then working down your spine one vertebra at a time. Think about pushing your chest forward, then curling round. As you walk your hands back, turn your fingers out to the side to help open your chest out. Again, you can think "heart to heaven" if that helps. Remember to breathe! Breathing is super important.

6. Cat stretch/puppy pose - kneeling down, arms forward and chest to the floor if you can (you can bring your chest more forwards if you find this difficult). Keeping your chest glued to the floor (or as low as you can get it), tilt your hips back and forward. Again, this is to help target your mid/upper back a bit more (if you do it right you'll feel your mid/upper back working trying to keep your chest down!)

ANOTHER LITTLE THING ABOUT BACK STRETCHES: Make sure you strengthen your core too! If you do the above workout, I recommend also doing some planks, dishes or crunches of some sort afterwards to reengage your abs/core muscles and keep your spine protected. You should also round out your spine the other way to reset it (happy baby pose and child’s pose are my faves for this).

I hope that helps! Good luck with all your studying and I hope your back feels a little better <3