#but dude. why are you people copy pasting personal tags about my life in your reblog. thats a little awkward

[thelooniemoonie]

@ people who copy my tags: why

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Together

A Stitched Story (END)

JSE Fanfic

Man...this is it. The last one. That’s...wow. This was an AU three years in the writing, and with this, it’s over. I just...wow. I’m gonna need to just think about that for a second. Maybe wait a bit before starting something new. Anyway, this is basically wrapping everything up, taking care of all the final plot points and loose ends. There are emotional moments, including one big one, but...wow. I just have to keep saying that over and over again, it’s all I feel. The boys are settling down. Finally. Man, they’ve earned it. 

Tagging @septic-dr-schneep for inspiring this AU with this post.

Read the whole story: Stitched Together | Season One | Season Two | Torn Apart | Tales to Tell | Threads | Twice Bitten, Never Shy | Two of Souls | The Tower | Time to End

Taglist (finally): @bupine @violet--majesty @ari-trash

It was surprisingly sunny, for an autumn day. Busy, too. Cars rushed through the streets, and pedestrians populated the pavement. Jameson shielded his eyes from the sun’s glare as he peered around a street corner and saw their destination. We’re almost there. One more block, he said, tapping the message out in Morse code on a nearby lamppost.

“Good, I hope we are not late,” Schneep replied. “What time is it?”

JJ checked the clock on his phone. 1:25. Do you think it’s already over?

“Possibly. In any case, it would be better to be early.” Schneep turned the corner, speeding up, running his cane over the sidewalk to check for cracks. JJ hurried to catch up. “Chase would be upset if we are not there.”

He’ll be fine, JJ said reassuringly, now tapping the message on Schneep’s arm. But I suppose we can make haste.

The two of them soon arrived at their destination, turning into the hospital parking lot and walking towards the building’s front entrance. “Oh! I think he is here, yes?” Schneep said.

Yes, I can see him. JJ waved. Chase was standing outside the glass doors, bouncing on his feet and scanning the area. He had his usual bandanna and cap, but was wearing a new sweater, one that the others had given him as a group birthday present to make up for missing it a few months ago, and an old backpack Stacy had lent him. Once he saw JJ waving he smiled, and waved back.

“Ha! Knew it. I am getting good at this,” Schneep said proudly. “If only sensing souls could help with telling apart the toothpaste and burn cream.”

JJ laughed, muffled as usual, and the two of them hurried across the parking lot. Chase ran up to meet them at the edge of the sidewalk. “Hey guys!” he said. “Good to see you.”

“Good to see you too,” Schneep said lightheartedly. “Well, well? Did everything go fine?”

“Oh, uh, mostly.” Chase rolled up the sleeves of his sweater. He wasn’t wearing his wristbands. Instead, there were white bandages. “She managed to get the ones on my wrists off, but said she didn’t want to risk messing with the one on my neck. It’s close to an artery or something? I don’t know, it was some complicated medical stuff.”

“Ah. That is too bad,” Schneep said sadly. Jameson shook his head sympathetically. “But it is glad to hear some of the stitches are gone. I told you that Darla was good. Trustworthy, too. She will not tell anyone.”

“If you say so, doc.” Pulling his sleeves down, Chase turned to JJ. “Are you sure you don’t want to try? I mean, it’s a lot more inconvenient for you than it is for me.”

JJ hesitated, then nodded. I am fine, he signed. I’ve gotten used to it, and yes, there are many downsides, but considering what happened last week, I think it is good enough.

“Man. If you’re really sure,” Chase said reluctantly. “They’re already a bit looser, right? Maybe whatever magic’s making them hard to cut through will fade over time.”

“Wait, Jameson, did you bring up last week?” Schneep whacked JJ’s legs with his cane. “I said that you should not try yourself! Things could go wrong!” He paused. “But everything is fine, right?”

Yes, it was a shallow cut, JJ said. Your scissors are pretty sharp.

“I know. They are not normal, and I am starting to think they were always supposed to be weapons.” Schneep sighed. “Well, I am putting them away soon.”

JJ and Chase exchanged a significant look. “You’re gonna put them away?” Chase repeated.

Schneep nodded. “If I need them again, it won’t be hard to pull them out.”

In the month since they’d finally gotten rid of the strings, Schneep had kept carrying the scissors around. Just in case, he’d said. Just in case those glowing green strands of black magic managed to worm their way back into the world. But the past month had been quiet. Busy in other ways, but nothing had appeared to attack any of them. So maybe ‘just in case’ wasn’t going to come. Maybe it would be fine to leave them at home. Or, well, in whatever pocket dimension they came from.

“If you’re sure, doc,” Chase said. “A-anyway, it’s a bit past 1:30. We should hurry, or we’ll be late to meet up with the others. You guys walked here? C’mon, there’s a bus stop across the street.”

We’d definitely be on time if you drove us, JJ said teasingly.

“Hey, I can’t be blamed for not having a car.”

Ask Stacy.

“Nah, it’s fine. I should practice a bit before I do any serious driving, anyway. It’s been a while.”

“You took the bus here?” Schneep asked, puzzled. “But what about people sitting next to you?”

“It’s okay, I just put the backpack next to me. And it’s alright if it’s you guys.” Chase stepped off the sidewalk curb and onto the parking lot asphalt. “Now let’s go.”

The bus ride was short, and soon the three of them were getting off at a stop outside a small restaurant—or, more of a cafe, really. Despite being near lunchtime, the place was almost empty when they walked in. Soft piano music was playing over a speaker system, and a chalk signboard near the front entrance read “Please Seat Yourselves” with a hand-drawn smiley face. Chase read the sign out loud, and the three of them spotted the rest of the group, sitting at a table in the corner of the dining area, right by a window.

Jack had looked up at the sound of the bell chiming when the door opened. “Hey, they’re here,” he said to the other two sitting at the table.

“Huh? Oh, good.” Jackie was turning the menu over and over, listening to the sound of the laminated paper against the air. Marvin didn’t say anything. His head was leaning against the glass of the window, eyes closed, a pair of earbuds blocking out most sound. But he did make a small sound of acknowledgement.

“Hey guys.” Chase arrived first, taking the chair across from Marvin, next to the wall. Schneep and JJ took the next two. “Did you already order?”

“No, I told the waiter that we were waiting for people,” Jack explained. “But, more importantly, how’d it go? Are they gone?”

“Wrists are.” Chase once again pulled back his sleeves. For a moment, Jackie glanced at the bandages on his wrists, then bit his lip and looked away. “Apparently the neck stitches are too close to an artery or something. She didn’t want to mess with it.”

“Shit. Well, two out of three’s not bad,” Jack said.

“Jack, my friend, how are the repairs going?” Schneep asked.

“Pretty good, I think. The walls just got repainted, and the living room has new chairs and stuff. Still a long way to go.” Jack laughed. “Honestly I’m just glad that the water and Internet didn’t go out.”

Are the police still talking to you? JJ asked.

“No, not really. You guys?”

The other three all shook their heads. Dealing with the police had been...complicated. They had to, of course. They couldn’t just go back to their old lives without people asking “what the hell happened to you?!”JJ had it the easiest, in a way. Nobody had reported him missing, which was a bit sad when he thought about it, and all the regular patrons of his shop had assumed it closed down. Jack and Chase had more difficulty, since they were pretty public figures. The moment Jack had uploaded a video explaining he was back, the Internet had gone up in flames wondering where he’d been.

In the end, they all decided on the same story. It was pretty lame, as Chase often said, but it worked. They all just lied and said they didn’t remember anything. Weird stitches on Chase’s wrists and neck? Nope. Scars all over Jack’s body? Don’t know what happened there. Schneep losing an entire sense and gaining weird scars that looked like tears dripping from his eyes? No idea, officer. The police had prodded them, but eventually given up, essentially leaving the case unsolved and concluding it was a strange psychological phenomenon. The case would go down in history, but nobody would know the truth.

Of course, when it came to Marvin and Jackie coming back to life, things were going to be a bit difficult. Fortunately, they had magic on their side.

“Have any of you heard from Yvonne?” Jack asked, sliding each of them a menu.

“Dude, why would she talk to me? I’m the least magical person here,” Chase said.

Not since she offered to help, JJ added.

Schneep merely shook his head and picked up the menu. “Oh! They actually have—”

“Yeah, I explained the situation when the waiter came over and he gave me a Braille copy,” Jack explained. “Anyway, she called me the other day. Says that the records should be all fixed now.”

“I still say that can’t be legal,” Chase muttered.

“It’s not.” Everyone jumped, a bit surprised to hear Marvin talk. He didn’t move from his position against the window or open his eyes, but he did continue. “She’s not really into stuff being legal, you know. Normal laws or magic laws. Always thought they got in the way, that...that...her. That...name.”

“Yvonne.” Jackie gently bumped Marvin’s shoulder with his own.

“Right.”

Jack gave the others a meaningful look. Memory issues. One of the lingering side effects Marvin and Jackie were dealing with. They could forget something in seconds. Jackie had taken to writing things down, if not with an actual pen and paper, then by finger-spelling it on his hand over and over. Marvin just sort of let it happen, only writing down the really important stuff. “Anyway, it’s all fixed,” Jack continued, looking back over at the other two. “You guys can...y’know, start doing stuff again. When you want. Move out, if you feel like it.”

“Thanks,” Jackie said. He sounded oddly reluctant. Marvin didn’t even bother to answer.

Chase cleared his throat. “Speaking of moving out, Schneep, did you get your apartment back yet?”

Schneep scowled. “I am so close. The stupid building owner is still insisting on keeping it all preserved, and I say, ‘for what?!’ You are clearly not going to sell it, if everything is still how it is when I was living there. So just let me live in! The police do not care anymore, anyway, so there is no crime scene!”

He probably liked the idea of having a flat where someone who disappeared lived, JJ suggested. It lends a bit of mystery and gives the building a reputation. People might want to move in because of that.

“Well he will still have it! I will just be actually there!” Schneep folded his arms and leaned back in the chair. “Ugh. Jamie, I like you, but your guest room is tiny.”

JJ gave a huff of a laugh. Sorry, Hen. I’d never really needed one before so I didn’t hear any complaints. 

“Oh, Chase, what about you? How’s the house search coming?” Jack asked.

“Fine.” Chase shrugged. “I got a few to look at. Y’know Stacy doesn’t seem to mind me staying over. I was surprised, given how she, um...wanted to move out so much a few years ago.”

“Well, things change,” Jack said cheerfully.

“Yeah. I guess that’s an upside of this, we’re, like...friends.” Chase said the word in a tone of bewildered, but welcomed, happiness. The way someone would react to hearing good news that they’d thought was no longer an option. “Again, I mean. A-and I don’t think it’s gonna go further, but...still.”

“That’s great, my friend.” Schneep patted the back of Chase’s hand.

“Yeah, that’s great!” Jackie repeated, suddenly enthusiastic. “So, like, we should order food, right?”

“Oh right.” Jack nodded. “Hang on.” He stood up, looking towards the back of the restaurant where the door to the kitchen was. A waiter was walking out at that moment, and caught sight of the group, quickly indicating he’d be right there. “Oh, nice. I was confused, really, if like this was the type of place where people would come over or if we had to go up there.” Jack sat back down and picked up the menu. “We should go all out. This is a celebration.”

I think I can get a drink, JJ signed slowly.

“Really?” Jack asked, surprised.

Yes, I think the stitches have loosened up enough for that, JJ said more confidently. A small straw or a bit of liquid. Just so long as nobody’s looking when I take off my mask.

“Awesome, man,” Chase said cheerfully. “Honestly, this place looked good on the website. We should get a lot.”

“Celebration,” Schneep repeated, then nodded. “Yes. Yes, that sounds wonderful. Celebration lunch.”

And for most of them, it was just that, wonderful. They were meeting up again, the last of their troubles were ending. Things were looking up.

But a corner of the table was a bit gloomier. Jackie and Marvin were pretty quiet all throughout the lunch. Neither of them ate that much. Marvin kept his eyes closed or looking down at his plate, and Jackie paid more attention to the salt and pepper shakers than anything else. Once the lunch was over and after everyone said their goodbyes, they followed Jack back to his apartment, where they were staying, and drifted off to separate activities. A book for Marvin, an old laptop for Jackie.

They never once said anything to each other.

— — — — — — —

Ignisa: a spell to conjure fire.

Marvin read the simple command word over and over, repeating it mentally. Ignisa. Ignisa. It was one of the simplest spells out there, and one of the first ones he learned. He could visualize the page of the book he read it in. He remembered it. Really, he did. Most of the time. For the occasions that he didn’t he’d written down the command and what it did on a spare bit of paper.

“Ignisa,” he whispered, staring down at his hands, cupped as if to hold water. He sat in the center of the floor in the spare bedroom, as far away from furniture as possible. “Ignisa. Ig-NI-sa. IG-ni-sa. Ig-ni-SA.” Yet, no matter how many times he repeated it, no matter how he pronounced it or how loud he spoke it, no matter how much he concentrated on the feeling of fire bursting forth in his hands...there wasn’t even a spark.

“Fuck.” Marvin gave up, burying his face in his hands. He squeezed his eyes to contain tears of frustration, but he still let one or two sobs slip out. Why couldn’t he do anything? No fire, no lights, no telekinesis. All the magic he remembered was useless. The only spell that sort of worked was teleportation, in fact he actually found it easier now than it used to be, but he couldn’t quite control it. If he was lucky, he’d end up close to where he wanted to be, and if he was unlucky, he teleported to the middle of the sky twenty miles away. That...hadn’t been a fun evening.

There were only a few spells that worked perfectly for him. Taking a few deep breaths, Marvin lifted his head up, and pressed his hands close together, palm to palm. Slowly, he pulled them away from each other. In the space between them were blue glowing threads of magic, which got longer the farther apart his hands got. If he wanted, he could use these strings like a weapon, grabbing things, pinning them to the wall, and maybe with practice he could use them to swing, like some sort of discount magical Spider-Man. But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want anything to do with these. Scowling, Marvin brushed his hands together, and the strings disappeared.

Someone knocked on the door, and Marvin yelped in surprise. He quickly got to his feet. “Wh-who is it?”

“It’s Jack,” a voice said. “Can I come in?”

“Um...sure.”

Jack opened the door, poking his head in through the gap. “Hey Jackie’s making noodles for dinner. Do you want any?”

Did he? Marvin wasn’t really hungry. He didn’t really feel hungry that often anymore. Or maybe he did, and just couldn’t recognize the feeling. Jackie was the same way, but that didn’t stop him from trying to eat. After a bit, Marvin decided it would probably be better safe than sorry. “...Sure.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him.” Jack hesitated. “Do you...want anything? Need anything?”

Marvin hesitated. He glanced over at Jack before looking away. Wait, why was one of Jack’s eyes a slightly different shade of blue? When had that—oh. Right. “No.”

“Alright...if you’re sure,” Jack said reluctantly. “Come out whenever you’re ready.” And with that, he left.

Just in time, too. Marvin backed up until his legs hit the edge of the bed. Immediately, he fell back onto the mattress, pressing his hands against his eyes. “Stop thinking about it,” he said to himself. “Stop thinking about it, stop it, stop.” That only seemed to make it worse. Images flashed in his head, leftover memories that weren’t his, but also were, and were also Jackie’s and someone else’s. The others called him Anti. Anti’s memories. They would pop up whenever something triggered them, and that ‘something’ was usually one of the others. Right now, the memories were about Jack, about what happened to his eye. Marvin could hear himself—no, Anti—laughing.

Shaking, Marvin slowly stood up again, staggering across the room to the door. Why was it that sometimes, his balance just didn’t work? Why was he so clumsy now? He grabbed the doorknob but didn’t open it, just pressing his forehead into the wood. These were the consequences for his actions. The memories, the problems with his magic, the lack of balance. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t gotten into his head that trying the transference spell would be fine, that not telling Jackie wouldn’t cause any problems...It hadn’t even been about helping people, like how Jackie probably wanted to, he just wanted to see if he could do it, to see if he could increase his power. And he caused everything. So this was his punishment. Served him right.

— — — — — — —

“Marvin says he wants dinner,” Jack said, leaning into the kitchen/dining room.

“Okay,” Jackie said cheerfully, grabbing another bowl from the cabinet. It was easy, since that particular cabinet was missing its door. It would probably stay that way for a while, too, since with all the other repairs the apartment required it wasn’t a high enough priority. Jackie set the bowl on the counter next to two others, then looked over at the pot of water. It wasn’t steaming or boiling. Did he forget to turn the heat on? He tapped the edge of the burner under the pot.

“Jackie!” Jack gasped.

“Oh, it’s fine, it’s not on,” Jackie assured him. “I was just checking.”

“You mean you didn’t know if it was on?!”

“It probably wasn’t.” Jackie looked up to see the dial hadn’t been turned. Oh. He probably could have looked at the dial before touching the burner. Well, whatever. He reached over and turned the dial to the 7 mark.

“Please be careful,” Jack said, looking nervous. “You could get hurt.”

“I am being careful,” Jackie said. It didn’t really matter, anyway. He was having trouble feeling pain lately. Or...most things, actually. It was weird, he was a bit numb. Not by too much, but enough to be noticeable, to know that he hadn’t been like that before. Marvin was just the opposite, nowadays he was constantly being overwhelmed with the texture and feel of things. But he was always more sensitive to sensations than the rest of them.

“Well, be even more careful,” Jack insisted. He backed out of the kitchen. “I’m gonna, uh, hang out in the living room. Tell me if you need anything.”

“Okay,” Jackie nodded. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Alright.” Jack hesitated for a second before turning away and leaving.

Everything was fine. Jack really didn’t need to worry, Jackie had everything covered. Making food was easy, really. It was something that he did all the time. The process was automatic, especially for making pasta. Just wait for a bit, occasionally stirring, then drain the water. It was all good. This was a normal thing that normal people did. Things were normal.

Of course, Jackie knew that every single thing he’d just thought to himself was a lie. But it was easier to pretend. Sometimes he pretended so hard that it felt like he was watching a movie filmed in the first-person, instead of actually existing in this body.

Oh, it was happening now, actually. Jackie watched as his hand pulled open the cutlery drawer and took out a long spoon. Then the hand started stirring the pasta in the pot. It was starting to get hot now. There was steam. How hot was it? The other hand reached forward and—

“Shit!” Jackie snapped back to reality, pulling his hand away from the side of the metal pot. “Ah. Fuck.” He looked down. The skin of his fingers was a bit red and tender. He opened and closed his fist a few times to help the leftover burning feeling fade away.

“Is everything okay?” Jack was back, apparently having heard Jackie shout. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just brushed against the side,” Jackie explained.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Well...okay, then.” Jack reluctantly backed out of view.

Everything was fine. Oh look, the pasta was suddenly done. Time had just flown past. Jackie poured the pasta into the strainer and then scooped it into the bowls. Marvin showed up, and then Jack, and they all ate in silence, after which Jack excused himself to go back to his recording room to do some editing. The moment he’d replaced all the broken computer parts, he’d gone back to making videos, though not nearly as frequently as before. That was...nice. Nice that he could do that.

Jackie wondered what he was supposed to do now. Not just for the rest of the day, but...for the rest of ever. He wanted things to be fine, to be normal, and he was pretty good at pretending they were. But they. Just. Weren’t. He couldn’t find the energy to start looking for a job, or for a new apartment, or even for new clothes. But at the same time, he didn’t want to keep borrowing from Jack. He didn’t want to just stay in place, but he couldn’t move forward.

At one point, he’d thought about going back out onto the streets. He didn’t know what happened to his old super suit, but he could make a new one. Then that train of thought had immediately crashed to a halt with a flash of memory. Not his, but also his. Anti’s. A memory with so much pain in it, and feeling glad at that pain. Somehow triumphantly vindicated to see suffering. No. Someone like that couldn’t be a hero.

So things continued. The same things. Every day.

Everything was fine.

— — — — — — —

Time passed. Autumn progressed, and it became cooler as September blended into October. Jack kept fixing up the apartment, and it was beginning to look good as new. Schneep finally convinced the building owner to let him back into his place, and so he moved out of JJ’s building. Chase was still having trouble finding a house, but he was glad to spend more time with Lily and Moira, absolutely doting on the two of them. Business at JJ’s shop started to pick up again, though he had to get used to carrying around a notepad since most customers didn’t know sign language.

Jackie and Marvin stayed where they were.

One night, a storm rolled over the city. Rain pounded the ground, thunder rumbled in the distance, and nobody went out of their houses. That night, Marvin went into the apartment’s bathroom and pressed his face against the small window to watch the storm. There wasn’t much to see. The glass was cloudy for privacy. But there was water running down the other side, droplets racing each other to the bottom.

Then there was a flash, and a fork of lightning split the window in half. A second later came the thunder. Marvin heard someone gasp, and jumped, spinning around to see Jackie standing in the open bathroom doorway. “Oh. Sorry,” Jackie muttered. “I just saw the lights on in here and—nevermind.”

Marvin just looked at him for a bit, then turned back to the window. Jackie stood there for a moment, then started to turn away.

“Jackie?”

He stopped at the sound of Marvin’s quiet voice. “Yeah?”

“Are we...bad people?”

Jackie didn’t answer, and that was an answer on its own.

“Should we...be here?”

“What do you mean?” Jackie asked.

Marvin started pulling at his fingers. “Just...what if something...happens?”

Jackie paled. “I-it’ll be okay. It’s all okay.”

“Okay.”

Neither of them moved. Then, quietly, Jackie admitted something. “I don’t want to be here.”

“You don’t?” Marvin finally turned around.

“I don’t think I should,” Jackie whispered. “Just...everyone is nice to us. But we...hurt them. Or, kind of us. I mean, he was still us, right?”

Marvin nodded. “I remember doing it.”

“Me too.”

“He can’t come back, though. Right?”

“I mean...no,” Jackie said slowly. “But what if we...what if something happens?” He echoed Marvin’s own words back at him.

Marvin was silent for a moment. “I don’t want to be here, either.”

“Should we leave?”

“What would we do?”

“I don’t know.” Jackie glanced down the hall, towards Jack’s bedroom. “But they’re...good people. And we’re.... We don’t...” He trailed off.

Another crack of thunder.

“Should we leave a note?” Marvin asked.

“No. They can figure it out. Should we stay together?”

“Maybe at first.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, the power in the apartment building went out. Jack left his bedroom, holding a flashlight. “Hey guys? The storm knocked the lights out. You okay?”

No answer. Not surprising, Jackie and Marvin could be pretty quiet. So Jack went to look for them.

But...they weren’t there. Not in the spare bedroom, not in the bathroom, not in the kitchen, not in the living room. “Guys?” he called, voice rising in worry. “Guys?!”

Still no answer. Swearing under his breath, Jack went back to his bedroom and picked up his phone from where he’d left it. He opened up the group chat and sent a message.

Jackie and Marvin are gone. I think they’ve left.

— — — — — — —

It was still storming when they got off the bus to look around. With the rain pouring down, it was hard to make out details of anything. There were the vague, tall shapes of buildings, the long stretches of clear roads and sidewalks...but everything else was a bit cloudy. “We should’ve brought an umbrella,” Marvin said, trying to shield himself from the rain by covering his head with his arms. It didn’t work.

“I didn’t think he had one,” Jackie said, peering through the falling water. “Do you want my jacket?”

“No, I’m fine.” Marvin shivered.

“I...okay, if you’re sure you’re alright,” Jackie said reluctantly. “Here, there’s a street sign over on that corner.” He walked up to the sign, Marvin trailing after him. “Uh...Everwood Lane. I...I don’t remember where that is. Do you?”

“No,” Marvin admitted. They hadn’t really had much of a plan, had they? Just up and left, trusting they’d figure it out in the moment. Saw a bus stopping at a nearby station, and hopped aboard, pretending to swipe bus passes so the driver, who wasn’t really paying any attention, wouldn’t notice. Then they’d gotten off at random, once they realized they’d been sitting in the bus for a while and they had to be far away by then. Why had they thought any of that would be a good idea? Why had he just gone along with it? 

“Well, uh. Let’s get inside.” Jackie pressed on, now walking up to the entrance of the nearest building. “Maybe we can ask someone in there, and it’ll be dry.” See? This would work out.

Luckily, that building turned out to be open, and they stepped into a front hall. It looked nice, but was completely empty. The only things of note were the pair of elevators, the door labelled ‘Stairwell,’ another unlabelled door, and a directory on a sign attached to the wall.

“No one’s here,” Marvin muttered.

“Someone has to be here, everything’s on.” Jackie scanned the directory. The building was nine floors tall, plus the ground floor, and every floor was listed as belonging to some business, each with operating hours attached. “Uh...what time is it?”

“...I don’t remember,” Marvin said. “And there’s no clock here. And we don’t have phones.”

“It’s fine, we’ll—we’ll just check around,” Jackie said optimistically. He walked over to the unmarked door and grabbed the handle, starting to push it open. Only to stop short when the door wouldn’t budge. Locked. Okay. That was fine. There were more options. Jackie turned around. “C’mon, we’ll take the lifts.”

“Mm-hmm.” Marvin nodded, following him to the elevators.

The elevator arrived, doors sliding open, and the two of them stepped in. “Right, we’ll just start with the first floor,” Jackie said, pressing the button. He waited for a few seconds, but the elevator wasn’t moving. The button hadn’t lit up. “Um...” He pressed it again. Then a couple more times. Then he tried the other buttons, pushing them hard.

“There’s a card reader attached,” Marvin pointed out, nodding towards a black box mounted on the elevator’s panel. “I don’t think it’ll work without the right card.”

“Oh.” Jackie was momentarily at a loss, but then he recovered. They just had to keep moving. That’s all. “I guess we’ll take the stairs, then.”

The stairwell was tall, white, and empty, metal stairs spiralling upwards with only a railing keeping the people walking up and down from falling off. Jackie led the way, climbing up the stairs quickly with Marvin a bit behind. But there was no luck. All the doors that led into the floors were blocked by the same card readers as in the elevators. Just in case, Jackie still tried to open them, both pushing and pulling, but to no avail. So they just kept climbing, stopping at every story so Jackie could try the doors with increasing desperation, while Marvin watched him with increasing annoyance.

Until finally, they reached the last door, this one labelled ‘Roof Access.’ Surprisingly, this one didn’t have a card reader. Jackie hesitated, then pushed it open, letting in a spray of rain from the storm outside. 

“Okay, this was useless,” Marvin said. “Let’s—”

“Well, maybe there’s someone outside,” Jackie suggested.

“In the rain?”

But Jackie was already heading out, pulling on his hood as he stepped into the storm.

Of course there wasn’t anyone there. Disregarding the misery of the weather, it was hard to see anything, including the railing that marked the edge of the roof. It would be dangerous to be up there. But Jackie still walked forward, looking around, until he eventually found that railing along the edge, grabbing the rain-slicked metal to orient himself.

“No one’s here!” Marvin shouted over a clap of thunder. He’d followed Jackie out onto the roof and was now standing about an arm’s length behind him, looking extremely unhappy about the whole situation. “Let’s go!”

“Right.” Jackie nodded. “We’ll just—just try another building, and ask where we are.”

“Then what?”

“Then we’ll—we’ll get a hotel.”

“How will we pay for it?”

“Uh...okay, not a hotel. We’ll...find our way to someone’s house, o-or something, and ask if we can stay.”

“What if no one lets us in?”

“We’ll—we’ll find an empty building.” Jackie grasped desperately at a way to salvage this situation, a way that wouldn’t involve them going back. He wasn’t even sure he could find his way back; he’d forgotten Jack’s address somewhere on the way. “Yeah. And then we’ll go to sleep, and in the morning, figure out a better plan. Yeah! It’s fine. Everything will be fi—”

“Everything will not be fucking fine, Jackie!” Marvin suddenly burst out. “This was a terrible idea! Why did we think to do this?! Why did I go along with it?! It’s raining, there’s lightning, we’re lost, my clothes are wet which I hate more than murder, and you’re being delusional!”

“I—I am being optimistic!” Jackie spluttered, letting go of the railing so he could face Marvin head-on. “I am trying to make the best of a difficult situation—”

“We shouldn’t even be out here!” Marvin interrupted. Another crack of thunder rang throughout the sky, even louder than before. “You suggested this! Why’d you suggest it?”

“Well, why did you ask if we should’ve been staying with the others if you weren’t prepared to leave?” Jackie countered. “You didn’t have to come with me! You didn’t have to go out at all!”

“Oh yeah, what was I going to do, tell Jack and the others, ‘sorry, I don’t know where they went, they said they were leaving and I thought that was alright’? No!”

“You could’ve convinced me to stay!” Jackie shouted. “You could’ve shot it down when I said it! But you went along, so you must have wanted to leave, too!”

“I—yeah, but it was more of a vague thing!” Marvin protested. “A what-if! I didn’t expect us to go right then!”

Jackie grabbed Marvin by the shirt. “Then why did you leave?! Why did we leave?! Why did we want to leave?!”

The sky lit up a brilliant white, electricity crashing. A bolt of lightning had hit a lightning rod attached to the building’s roof, only a room’s width away from the two of them. Sparks flew. Marvin screamed. Jackie instinctively covered him, hugging him tight to his chest and bending over. The sound was deafening, thunder right next to their heads, and even after it faded their ears echoed with the remains of it.

“Holy shit!” Jackie gasped, blinking the brilliant light from his eyes. His eyes...which were now glowing. The left was bright green, the right an equally bright red. Marvin’s were also glowing, though his right eye was the green one, and the other one was blue. “That was—oh my god. Marvin, are you okay?”

Marvin didn’t answer for a moment. He just stared at the lightning rod, still faintly glowing from being struck. And then...he let out a quiet sob.

“M...Marvin?” Jackie took a closer look at him, and realized his face wasn’t just wet from the rain. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s fucking not,” Marvin cried. “All I could think about while we were walking up those stairs—all I could think about were the memories, the—you know the ones, the—I wasn’t even there, I was somewhere else. I hate this. I hate this! I hate what’s happened to me! I hate that it’s my fault!”

“Your fault?!” Jackie repeated.

“My stupid fucking selfish spell,” Marvin sobbed. “It’s all because of that! Everything happened because of that! Of course I should’ve realized, if the things I did after the spell were—were like that, then of course! Of course I’m a horrible fucking person that wouldn’t care about what that spell might do!”

“Marvin—”

“And you’re just going around acting like everything is alright!” Marvin said, jabbing a finger into Jackie’s chest. “You just like—like nothing happened, you keep saying everything is fine, it might be for you, but it’s not for me! No it’s fine, it doesn’t matter!”

“I just want everything to move on, Marvin!” Jackie said, grasping Marvin’s upper arms and pulling him close. “Everything has to be fine, but it’s not, so I have to pretend it is! Because if I stop pretending, all I can think about is what I’ve done. Every time I look at the others, I remember how I hurt them! Every time I look at you, I remember how I killed you!”

Silence, and the sound of rain.

“I didn’t...didn’t know you felt that way,” Marvin said, barely audible.

“I didn’t know you did, either,” Jackie whispered.

“That’s ironic, isn’t it?” Marvin commented dully. “Aren’t we connected now? Aren’t our souls all...mixed up with each other?”

“Yeah...” Jackie nodded. “Yeah.”

The two of them stared at each other. Eyes wide, hearts pounding, breathing heavy. Letting themselves be rained on. Until—

The door to the rooftop burst open, and a couple flashlight beams fell onto the two of them.

“Marv!”

“Jackie!”

“My friends!”

It was the others. All of them. Chase was in front with Jack close behind, then Schneep in the back holding onto Jameson’s arm for extra support. “Are you two okay?!” Chase asked.

“What happened?!” Jack added.

Is everything alright? JJ signed.

“Why did you go?” Schneep said.

Jackie took a step backwards, letting go of Marvin, who was too in shock to even notice. “You guys...h-how’d you find us?”

“JJ did,” Chase explained.

Luckily the tracking spell still works, JJ said. How did you two even get here? It’s the other side of town!

“I...we took the bus,” Jackie said numbly. “How—why are you here?”

“We came to find you, of course!” Schneep said, as if it was obvious.

“Why?” Marvin asked quietly.

“What?! Because you’re our friends!” Chase said, gaping. “If you leave to go out with no note, no anything, in the middle of a thunderstorm—” Thunder rumbled in the distance as if to prove his point. “—and without any way for anyone to contact you, anything could have happened! We were so fucking worried!”

“...why?” Marvin repeated.

“You’re our friends,” Jack reiterated. “We care about you. What if you got hurt? That would be—fuck. I-I don’t even want to think about it.”

Jackie felt tears in his eyes, and he let them slip out, hidden by the rain. “But—but it was going to be better this way.”

“Better? Better?!” Schneep repeated incredulously. “No no no no no no, we went through so much to see you again. You cannot just disappear! And less expect us to be fine with it!”

“But...w-we—I—I hurt you!” Jackie blurted out. “So much! I mean, look at yourselves! You still have the scars!”

“That wasn’t you,” Chase said gently, slowly approaching. “That was Anti.”

“Well, Anti was us.”

“Anti was two parts you guys and, like, seventeen parts black magic,” Chase said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like it,” Marvin muttered. “You’d say the same if you remembered doing it.”

“What if something happens?” Jackie said, his voice hushed. “What if we...while we’re around you guys, what if we...hurt you? Th-there’s a possibility, right? As long as we’re around.”

Jack’s next question was soft, almost unheard through the rain. “You don’t want to hurt anyone, right?”

“No!” Jackie said, aghast. Marvin shook his head furiously.

“Then you won’t,” Jack said firmly. “I mean, sure, there will be accidents. But you can’t run from everyone because you’re afraid you might hurt them. A life like that would be so lonely. We trust you. Both of you. And you trust us. That’s what friendship’s built on, isn’t it? Trust.”

Jackie fell silent. The four of them stood firm, agreeing with Jack’s sentiment. Did they...really want them to stay?

“We don’t—” Marvin stammered. “I-I-I don’t—we’re—I’m—not...the type of person...who should have friends.”

“What?” Jack asked, shocked.

“You’re all so nice, a-and good,” Marvin said. “We...I don’t...deserve you.”

“That is ridiculous,” Schneep said. “Marvin, and Jackie, you are both some of the best friends I ever had, and the same goes for everyone else.”

“We’re not...good people,” Marvin said desperately. “If we were Anti, we can’t have been. Good people wouldn’t become...that. A-and you’re all just saying it ‘cause you’re friends.”

Can I say something? JJ, who’d been waiting on the sidelines, finally spoke up. Look, I barely know either of you. I’m new to all this. But I can tell that neither of you are bad people. Flawed, yes, but so is everyone. Chase said that Anti was mostly black magic, and he’s right. You can’t be blamed for what that entity did; its perception was warped and broken. You two are nice, you seem smart, you’re friendly to others. You are not bad people.

“Look, I know, it’s hard to accept that you deserve nice things,” Chase jumped in. “But you do. You want to step away from friends and good things because you think you’re not worthy. It’s gonna be hard to accept that you are. But that’s why we’re here, okay? To help you accept that.”

“And to point out when you need something,” Schneep added. “Something that you think is above you. I swear, I will fight every single bad thought you have, anything that tells you that you do not deserve all the care and love that you do.”

Jack laughed a bit. “Yeah. We all will.”

Both of them were crying, and despite the falling rain, it was quite obvious. Marvin reached over and grabbed Jackie’s hand, pulling him close. “I...I’m sorry,” he choked out.

Jackie nodded. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice rasping. “I...we should...I’m going to go back. Are you going to?”

“Yeah. I’m going back, too.”

Jackie nodded again, then let go of Marvin’s hand. He took a deep breath, and walked over to join the others.

Marvin shivered. The rain was starting to feel even colder than it had before. But as he carefully stepped towards the group, it felt a bit warmer.

The moment the two were close, the remaining four huddled around them. Hands were held and tears were shed, slowly joining together in a tight group hug. Everyone kept saying how proud they were of them, how happy they were to have them back, how much they loved them. And more tears leaked out, though of a different sort of emotion altogether. They were so caught up in the moment that they didn’t even notice the rain until they headed back down the stairs.

And as the six headed home, the storm started to lessen.

— — — — — — —

“Can’t believe it’s actually snowing,” Jack muttered, brushing white flakes off his coat. “It never snows here.”

“I like it.” Jackie looked around, taking in the white blanket covering the park, then up at the sky. “Everything looks all clean. I like how the snow is all smooth.”

“Mm. Won’t be for long.” Jack pointed. The two of them were content to sit at a picnic table, sheltered from the snowfall by a nearby tree. But some ways away, two girls were running through the snow, pelting their dad with snowballs. Chase was laughing. It was good to see. Lily tripped over something in the snow, and he bent over to help her up. “There’s gonna be so many footprints when they’re done with it.”

“Aw.” Jackie frowned, pulling his coat closer. He didn’t really feel the cold, but it still affected him, so he had to make sure to dress appropriately for any weather. “Hey...when will the others be here? Do you think they forgot we were going to meet up?”

“I don’t—wait.” Jack paused. “Nope, there they are.”

A car pulled into the nearby lot, and three people stepped out. JJ recently got his license, so he and Chase had become the chauffeurs of the group. He looked around, then waved at the others, turning back to point them out to Marvin and Schneep. The three headed over, and Jack and Jackie made room for them at the table.

“It is so cold!” Schneep immediately started complaining. “There is going to be so much ice later, it is awful!”

“Oh shush, you like having cold weather so you can have warm drinks and stuff,” Marvin said.

“Okay, yes, but that is inside, where I cannot risk the chance of slipping,” Schneep griped.

JJ laughed. Speaking of warm drinks. He pulled his backpack off and rifled through it, taking out a couple thermoses. I thought if we were going to be meeting up out here, we should keep hot.

“Oh nice!” Jack grabbed one with his name written on the side in sharpie. “What’s this?”

Tea and coffee. And hot chocolate for the kids, JJ explained.

“Sweet,” Jackie said, leaning over to grab one as well.

“So, uh...” Jack cleared his throat, and turned to Marvin. “How’d it go?”

Marvin leaned back, rocking slightly on the picnic bench. “Good, I think. I mean, it’s just the first session, but...it was a good sign, I guess.”

“Hey, uh, Marv?” Jackie said. “I...forgot the address.”

“Oh. Right. It’s uh...Hang on a moment.” Marvin pulled out his phone, opening up the notes. “547 Norwich, on the east side. You can’t miss it, there’s a big sign with ‘Riverwood Counseling” on the front. You’re, uh...going soon?”

“Next week.” Jackie copied the address into his own phone. “‘M a bit nervous,” he mumbled.

“Nothing to be afraid of,” Schneep said encouragingly. “They are very good, very reputable. And if things are not working, they will transfer you to someone new without any charge.”

Jackie smiled a bit. “Well, I guess if you guys trust them.”

At that moment, Chase and the girls got tired of their snowball fight and came over to the table. “Hi!” Lily said brightly. “Ooooh, what’s that?”

“It’s a thermos,” Moira explained to her sister. “They’re for hot things like soup. And hot chocolate.”

“Well, would you look at that? There are two with your names on them,” Chase said brightly. “Here you go. JJ, you brought them, right?”

JJ nodded. Cocoa for them. And this one has some tea for you.

“Oh sweet! Thanks, Jays.”

It had been a few months, and the group had decided to meet up for some casual catching up. Chase had finally gotten a new house, just a rental but he hoped to find one for himself eventually. Schneep had started taking online classes. Since he couldn’t exactly continue his surgeon profession he decided to go back and find something else to do. He was particularly interested in physics, and he was convinced that it could explain how his new magic worked. Jack’s apartment was almost entirely repaired, and the Internet had finally settled down about his disappearance. JJ’s shop was picking up business again.

And Marvin and Jackie? Well, they’d found themselves a new place. A small townhouse, just big enough for both of them, part of a row of houses with connected walls. At first, they’d debated whether or not to continue living together or to live separately, but eventually decided on the former. After all, they still had problems, with memory and movement, and more, and decided it would be easier to live with someone who could help out. They were still working on finding new jobs. Jackie wanted something active, and Marvin wanted something quiet. The search was slow going, but they were making do. Jackie had been particularly bored at night, but didn’t want to go out and try being a vigilante again. Maybe eventually. Marvin was still relearning how to use his magic, and was teaching Jackie how to, as well, given Jackie’s new abilities.

The group had been talking for about half an hour when suddenly Moira tugged on the edge of Chase’s coat. “Dad? Who’s that? She’s been staring at us.”

Chase looked over towards where Moira was pointing, and his eyes widened. “Guys. Look who it is,” he said quietly.

The others all glanced in the same direction. “Shi—oh no,” Jack muttered. “It’s that—that magician. Delyth.”

JJ sighed. Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time.

“Who?” Marvin asked.

“She’s with the, uh, the magic police,” Jack explained.

“Oh fu—” Marvin quickly ducked his head, deliberately not looking over to where Delyth was standing, casually leaning against a tree.

“Should we talk to her?” Chase asked.

“I think so,” Schneep said. He paused, then stood up. “I will.”

“Wait, no, she’s coming over here!” Jackie gasped.

There was a sudden flurry of activity as the group tried to act casually, pretending they hadn’t seen her and weren’t keeping an eye on her as she walked over. Until eventually, they couldn’t pretend any longer.

Delyth stopped next to the table. “So...it is you,” she said slowly. “You know, you gave us one hell of a scare when you disappeared.”

“Hey, language,” Chase said, indicating the two small girls sitting next to him.

“Oh. Sorry.” Delyth paused. “We were looking for you, but it was like you all just...disappeared. Correct me if I’m wrong, but was a certain other magician helping with that?” Nobody answered. They weren’t about to throw Yvonne under the bus. Delyth shook her head. “Never should’ve given her access to ABIM systems,” she muttered.

“Did you want something?” Schneep asked.

“Hmm...well, no, not really.” Delyth looked them over, making eye contact with each. “You know, the ABIM is pretty busy. If a case hasn’t been active for two months, it’s deemed low priority, provided there’s no significant danger. If four months pass, we have to permanently shelve it, until there’s evidence for it becoming active again. Marked as unsolved, and people tend to forget about it.” She looked down at her watch. “Well, I have to go. It’s been nice seeing you all again. It’s been, what, five months?” After a moment, she nodded towards Jackie and Marvin. “Glad to see it all worked out. Goodbye.”

 The group remained mostly silent as she left, though Jack muttered a quiet “goodbye” and JJ waved as Delyth disappeared into a car in the parking lot and drove away. Then, once she was gone, Chase turned to the others. “What was that about?”

I think that was her saying the magicians won’t bother us, JJ signed, a bit in awe.

“Oh thank god,” Marvin breathed. “I don’t want to be on their bad side anymore. No more magic police, thank you very much.”

“She could have been a bit more direct with it, though,” Jackie added.

Jack just laughed. “Wow. So, I guess that’s the last we’ll see of her, then?”

“Provided nothing else strange happens to us,” Schneep pointed out.

“Well, I hope it doesn’t. I’ve had enough strangeness for my entire life.”

So...is it over, then? JJ asked slowly.

“Dad, what was that about?” Lily asked. “Who was that? What did she mean?” Moira nodded, agreeing with all the questions.

“Oh, it’s a bit complicated.” Chase pulled his daughter close and gave her a quick hug. “But it’s nothing to worry about anymore. I’ll explain when you’re older.”

“I guess it’s over,” Jackie repeated.

“Yeah...guess so,” Jack agreed.

Time went on, as it always does. The group ended their get-together shortly after, parting ways for a short while. After a few more months, the strange disappearances faded into local legend, with people speculating what happened but nobody getting close to the truth that was only known to a small group of six friends. Magic remained, side effects lingered, but they settled back into their place, becoming the new normal.

Still, none of them forgot what happened to them for those three years. It would be hard not to. They had scars to prove it, and some memories would never fade. But the past was the past. And together, they moved on, looking forward to the future.

[jawritter]

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Chapter 1 

Summary: Dean never realized that Y/N missed Christmas until he turned off an annoying Christmas song on the radio on the way home from a hunt, now he will make it his personal mission to give her the Christmas he misses so much, and if he plays his cards right, maybe he will give her what he has wanted to give her for so many years, himself.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo

Square Field: Twelve Days Of Christmas

Word Count: 1110

Warnings: None really for this chapter.

A/N: This is to help me catch up on my SPN Christmas Bingo card lol. I knew chapter will post every day until Christmas! I know I’m insane lol. This is a real time fic collection and all mistakes will be my own! Please do not copy my work! Hope you all enjoy these!!

**SERIES MASTERLIST**  **MASTERLIST**  **BECOME A PATREON**

“On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love game to me!” 

“Oh for fuck’s sakes!” Dean growled as he turned the radio off with enough force to make Sam jump in the passenger seat next to him. You chuckled in the back seat knowing damn good and well Dean hated Christmas music. 

“You okay dude?” Sam asked, looking from his cell phone to his brother who was growling at the road with an amused yet concerned look on his face. 

“Yea, I’m fine,” Dean said, still growling at the road ahead of him. “It’s just every fucking year around this time of year all every radio station in America seems to be able to play is that God awful Christmas music!” 

You had to bite back a chuckle in order to not agitate the annoyed Winchester further than he already was. It had been a long hunt, and Dean had been shifting through the local radio stations in hopes of catching some news on whether or not people had noticed that the Pigeon God they had just tracked down and destroyed was gone, or if life would go on for the little town as it always did. 

The fewer people outside of this life noticed, the better it was for everyone involved, and while most of the time you’d just do the job and walk away, he wanted to be sure things would go off without a hitch so that you didn’t all end up right back down there to do more clean up when people started to ask questions. 

“I’m looking at all of the local news reports this morning right here on my phone Dean. Everything is fine, we can go home. I promise,” Sam tried to soothe his brooding older brother. “Just stop torturing yourself, and let’s get home before the snowstorm decides to make the roads impassable.” 

Dean grumbled but said nothing audibly. You hadn’t thought about it until that annoying song had come on the radio that it was only twelve days until Christmas. Time could get away with you when you were hunting, and you hadn’t even realized the holidays were as close as they were. 

As Dean drove through little towns with little shopping malls, lights strung up in windows, and people happily shopping and getting ready for the impending festivities, your heartfelt a little heavier in your chest than it had just a few minutes ago. 

You knew Dean never really wanted to celebrate Christmas, but honestly, it was the one normal thing about life that you missed the most. 

Of course, you would never tell Dean any of that. Not a chance. He had his reasons for not wanting to celebrate, and who were you to force it on him. 

The rest of the ride back to the bunker went in a comfortable silence. Dean’s eyes would filter to the back seat in the rearview mirror every few miles, even though you felt him staring at you, you never returned his gaze. You didn’t want him to see that something was bothering you. Why should he be bothered with the issues of your own nostalgia? 

When the car pulled back up in the bunker garage you were one of the first to stand up out of the back seat, but Dean wasn’t far behind, grabbing you by the hand and stopping you from retreating when Sam walked towards the heavy bunker doors, leaving you alone with the gorgeous green-eyed Winchester. 

“Spill Y/N/N,” Dean said, once it was just the two of you, and no one else could hear. “You were laughing at me one minute, and the next you were spending the rest of the ride back looking like someone kicked your puppy.”

Damn him, he was a little too observant for his own good. 

“It’s nothing Dean, Just got dropped in my own head. I’ll be fine after a shower and a drink. Just need to relax a little,” you try, but Dean is not so easily swayed in his pursuit of what’s really gotten under your skin. 

“Come on Y/N that’s bullshit and you know it. Did I say something to upset you?”

He hadn’t really, it was just you and your own weird attachment to a holiday. It shouldn’t bother you, so why does it? You don’t even really know how to answer him. 

“I just, I just didn’t realize it was only twelve days left until Christmas. Time got away from me, and it bothered me okay? You happy now detective?” you asked him, being a little sharper than you intended. It really wasn’t his fault. 

“I’m sorry,” he stepped back a good two paces, giving you some space and not wanting to overstep his bounds more than he felt like he already had. “Sweetheart I forgot you used to have a normal life and that things like that may still matter to you. I’m a little harder than what I probably should be.”

“It’s not your fault Dean, you tell him honestly, leaning down to grab your duffle bag and signal the end of this conversation. “It’s something I will get past. It’s just old memories ya know? They tend to pop up at the worst times.”

Dean nodded his head knowingly, giving you a soft smile as he. “Yea, I get that. How about you go ahead inside, and as soon as I take care of Baby you and I can watch shit TV, and drink our way into early liver failure,” he said jokingly, adding the most adorable smile on his face and forcing one out of your own. Dean was your sunshine, whether he knew it or not. The reason you got up in the morning and kept fighting even on the days when you really didn’t want to. If he could still smile like that after everything he’d been through, who the hell says you can’t do the same.

“Sounds great De,” you tell him before heading towards the big iron doors of what was now your home. 

Dean smiled as he watched you make your way up towards the warmth and safety of the bunker with his wheels turning in his head. He bites back a grin as he pulls his keys out of his pocket and gets back in Baby’s still warm interior. This could backfire on him badly, but then again it could work too. He had to try, this was something he’d never done before, but you were a girl that made him feel like he never had before, so what’s life if you don’t take any chances right?

Forever Tags: 

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[lilblog-asatreat]

So I uh... decided to try and do a horror prompt this time. I don't know how well I did, just that this is probably the longest ficlet that I've ever written, and I gave myself nightmares one night while writing this thing, but that's not saying a lot because I generally don't do horror lol I'm not trying this again for a long time.

TW: mentions of physical torture (not too graphic descriptions though), verbal abuse, horror type shit, ask to tag

Prompt: substitute teacher; dreamy; incessant

(Prompt from Roll-A-Prompt Writing Journal Boxed Set)

(Also, I got a few names from the fantasy name generator and the dnd 5e Player's Handbook)

Taako and Lup walk in through the door of their Advanced Illusion Magic classroom, panting slightly but trying not to make it noticeable. All eyes turn on them as Lup says, "Sorry we're late Professor Cy-" They both stop in their tracks as their eyes land on the instructor at the head of the classroom.

He is decidedly not Professor Cyrus. For one, Professor Cyrus is an air genasi woman, and the man standing before them is half-orc. A very handsome half-orc man with long, messy black hair that reaches his shoulders and piercing blue eyes. He isn't as built as other half-orcs usually are, but he definitely has some muscle on him. He raises an eyebrow at them questioningly.

Taako quickly closes his slacked jaw and clears his throat. "Uh- what's up, my dude? Where's Professor Cyrus?"

"She's out on maternity leave right now, and she asked me to fill in for her. My name is Keth, and I teach the other Advanced Illusion Magic class. Can I inquire as to who you two are?" He asks.

"Uh, I'm Lup, and this is my brother, Taako. Sorry we're late, we got held up in our last class." Lup says as Taako waves slightly.

Keth nods. "Please take your seats then. And everyone, please take out whatever you need to take notes. Today we will be discussing the properties of the energy of the Shadowfell used to temporarily create objects by using the spell Creation."

Lup and Taako make their way to the back of the class and take their usual seats. Lup starts pulling out a notebook when Taako nudges her arm. "Is he hot or what?" He whispers.

Lup looks back over at Keth and frowns slightly. "He is attractive yeah, but something seems off."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, did you know Professor Cyrus was going to have a kid?" Lup asks looking back at him.

Taako shrugs. "No, but what does it matter as long as I get to stare at his dreamy ass for the next hour and a half?"

Lup snorts. "I guess if that's your thing, but I just find it weird that she didn't tell us this was coming at all. You would think she would have announced he was going to fill in for her for a while even if she didn't want to go into personal details about why."

"Yeah, I guess that's weird, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. She doesn't share too much of her personal life to begin with, and she doesn't give out too many announcements when she probably should either, so she probably didn't feel the need to give us a heads up." Taako reaches down into his bag to pull out his own notebook and a pen.

"I guess you're right," Lup sighs before turning her attention back to Keth who is writing down notes for everyone to copy down on the blackboard as he lectures.

As everyone is packing up at the end of the class, Keth calls out, "Rolsa? Could you stay after class for a minute?"

A fairly short, light green verdan person looks up from their desk that they were previously sleeping on. "Me?"

"Yes, I need to talk to you about something." Keth says.

Taako and Lup pass Rolsa as they stand up and stretch. Lup watches them walk up to the teacher's desk as she goes through the door, and Taako closes the door behind the both of them.

"I was thinking about letting Rolsa copy my notes before our quiz on Friday, but I guess they can ask Keth himself for a run down on what they missed." Lup says as they walk down the hall.

"You can't keep doing that for them," Taako says, rolling his eyes. "If they want to pass the class, they have to be awake for it."

"Yeah, but they're really nice, and they work two jobs just to be here. I don't blame them for being exhausted." Lup counters.

They continue chatting as they make their way out of the building, missing the flash of light that could be seen through the cracks of the door to their classroom.

---------------------------------------------------

On Friday, Lup and Taako make it into the classroom at the same time as Keth who walks in close behind them. They make their way to their seats in the back of the class, but Lup stops as she gets to Rolsa's desk. Rolsa was awake, for a change, and staring straight ahead at the blackboard at the front of the classroom.

"Hey, did you need to look at my notes real quick before the quiz?" Lup asks.

Rolsa doesn't acknowledge her.

"Rolsa, are you ok?" Lup asks. Taako stops to look over at the two of them

Rolsa still doesn't respond.

Lup holds her hand out to tap them on the shoulder, but Keth walks up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "Lup. Taako. I'm about to pass out the quiz, could you please go take your seats?"

Taako gives him a winning smile and sits down, and Lup walks to her seat, looking over her shoulder at Rolsa with concern. Keth hands them both a copy of the quiz, and then moves back up the aisle, handing out the rest of them as he goes.

In between writing down answers, Lup glances up to watch Rolsa. They have their head bent down in concentration, writing quickly on their paper. They look fine except... aren't they left handed?

Lup shakes her head and goes back to answering question seven. She can't remember what hand they usually write with, and now isn't the time to concentrate on that. She has to do well on this quiz to bring her grade up, so she doesn't lose her scholarship.

After class, Keth calls Marmorn, a beautiful half-elf man who sits in the front of the class, over to talk about the quiz. Taako eyes the both of them on his way out the door.

"Damn, did you see the suit Keth was wearing today?" Taako asks as soon as they get out of earshot of everyone else. "He looked fantastic! I can't believe we got someone this hot as a substitute teacher."

"Uh-huh," Lup replies distractedly as she chews on her lip. "It was weird when Rolsa didn't even look up at me earlier right? I mean, I was standing right next to them, so they must have heard me. Do you think I upset them somehow?"

Taako sighs. "Yeah, I guess it's weird. I don't see how you could have upset them though because you two rarely interact outside of class except when it's to give them your notes."

"Something's not right," Lup says. "Maybe I can find them after class on Monday and see if they're doing alright."

"Cool," Taako says. "Anyway, do you think I'd have a chance with Keth after Professor Cyrus comes back and he isn't our teacher anymore?"

Lup smiles and rolls her eyes. "You'd probably have to wait until you're no longer a student here at all for one, and for two, do you really want to date a teacher? I didn't think nerds were your type."

Taako crosses his arms. "I can be flexible in that department."

As the last people make it out of the building of their last class, no one hears the brief yelling coming from behind the Advanced Illusion Magic classroom door.

---------------------------------------------------

A few weeks pass by, and Lup is getting more and more antsy. She couldn't find Rolsa after class a few weeks back, nor could she find them every time she tried after that. And since the Monday after Keth talked to Marmorn, he also seemed... almost robotic. He was always quiet and reserved, but he was also always the first one to help someone when they needed it. This made it all the more stranger when Taako's bag split open while he was passing Marmorn's desk one day, and Marmorn didn't even blink.

It isn't just those two either. Every day they had class, Keth called back a student after class to talk to them, and then the next class day after that, that student acted as if nothing and no one else existed in the world around them besides their paper and pen. It was getting creepier and creepier to Lup by the day, and Taako seems too lovestruck to notice.

Today, as Lup and Taako enter the classroom, every single student doesn't react to look at the door. They all look straight ahead at the blackboard, and they don't even blink as they walk passed them. Lup holds onto the strap of her bag even tighter, and Taako just waves enthusiastically at Keth who is sitting with his feet propped up on the desk with a lazy smile on his face.

"What's up, kemosabe? How was your weekend?" Taako asks with a big smile.

"Oh, it was busy, but fun. I had to go shopping for a few things I'm planning on doing tonight. And yourself?"

"It was chill. Just did homework and hung out with Lulu." Taako says smiling over at Lup.

"Yep. That's about all we did." Lup says tensely.

"Well, I'm glad you both had a good weekend. I believe it's time for class to begin, so please go ahead and take your seats." Keth gets up from his chair and walks to the blackboard.

Lup tries to steer clear of him as she makes her way to the back of the class with Taako in tow. As soon as they sit down, Lup leans over and pulls on Taako's arm to get him to lean closer to her.

"Hey! What-"

"Have you noticed yet?" Lup hisses in his ear.

Taako pulls away and looks around before looking back at her, confusion evident on his face. "Noticed what?" He whispers back.

Lup gestures to the class at large. "Everyone! Have you noticed how weird they're acting?"

Taako looks around at all of the students taking notes. Everyone was bent over and concentrating on writing as Keth talked which didn't seem to be out of the ordinary. "Lup, what on earth are you talking about?"

Lup glances around before leaning in again. "They all look the same. They're writing in perfect synchronization, they're not breathing, look! Even Rolsa's awake! And they've been awake every class period for the past few weeks!"

Taako takes another careful look. Rolsa was seemingly awake with their head bent in concentration. He looks from one student to another and notices how stiff they are and how their pens and movements look identical to one another.

That is enough to unnerve him slightly.

"Ok, that's creepy, but what are you getting at?" Taako asks.

"They've been acting like this one by one for the past few weeks. Every time Keth talks to someone one on one, the next time we have class, they're as robotic as all of them are right now!" Lup hisses.

"So, you think he's doing something to the students?"

"Yeah! I don't trust-"

"Excuse me, Lup, do you have something you would like to share with the class?"

They both look up at Keth as the entire class turns, in sync, to look at them with vacant eyes and expressionless faces.

Taako smiles nervously at him and Lup swallows hard. "No, I was just asking Taako for clarification on something."

"Alright, well, I'd rather you ask me, but as long as you're done talking?" He smiles widely.

"Yep! She's got it all figured out, right?" Taako says, looking over at her.

"Yep! Sorry for disrupting the class."

Keth nods then turns his attention back to the blackboard. All of the students turn back around, as one, to start taking notes again.

Taako looks him up and down curiously, and Lup bounces her leg nervously under her desk.

As Lup and Taako are packing up at the end of class, Keth calls out, "Lup? Can you stay behind for a moment? I want to talk about Friday's test."

Lup freezes, and Taako looks over at her with worry.

"Yeah, uh, let me just... get all of my stuff together," she says.

They both walk up to the front, Lup clutching her wand tightly in her pocket and Taako staying right by her side. Keth smiles at them and says, "Taako, I'm afraid this has to be a private conversation. It won't take long, I promise, but the grades of my students must be kept confidential between us. I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah, absolutely. I'll just... leave... then." Lup looks over at him uneasily, but he tries to give her a reassuring smile before walking out the door and closing it behind him. He stands right next to it in the empty hall with his wand out and waits for Lup to come out too.

It's silent in the hall, and it takes Taako a moment to realize he didn't see any of his classmates walk out the door ahead of him. He watched them walk to the door, but they should have been outside with him and walking out of the building. He grips his wand tighter and listens at the door, hoping to hear whatever was going on in there.

It's silent for a few more minutes, and then...

Taako hears Lup scream.

He tries to throw open the door, but it's locked. Panic builds in his chest as he starts pounding on the door and yanking at the handle. "LUP!"

The sound of spells being thrown around drowns out the thoughts in his head, and Lup screams again.

Taako runs a hand through his hair and looks at his wand. Oh.

He blasts the door open just in time to see Keth wrestling Lup through a Dimension Door. Lup looks at him with wild eyes as she yells, "TAA-" And then she and her captor vanish as the rift closes behind them.

"FUCK!"

Taako runs for one of the badly scorched desks still left standing and slips on Lup's broken wand, almost cracking his head open on the tile floor. He regains his balance and pulls out his spellbook, frantically looking through his more recent entries.

"Come on come on come on!"

Finally, he finds it. The spell he had been learning in his divination course, Locate Creature. He closes his eyes and concentrates on his sister as he mutters the incantation.

Nothing happens.

He slams his fist on the table in frusteration, tears threatening to spill down his face. He takes a deep breath to try and calm down, and then he takes a look at his notes again before closing his eyes and concentrating on the image of fear on Lup's face as that scumbag took her away.

Suddenly, Taako feels a warm pull at his gut. He puts his spellbook back in his bag and starts slowly turning in a circle before catching sight of a faint fire red trail going through the western wall. He sprints out the door and down the hall while slinging his bag on his back. As he bursts through the double doors to get outside, he startles a group of people who were hanging out right outside of it.

"Oh, hey, Taako! How-"

"Out of my way!" He barrels on through them, knocking the one who recognized him flat on their back as he runs past.

Taako follows the trail as it takes him across grassy landscaping, around buildings, and through crowds that he parts with a strong Gust of Wind. He runs past one building before skidding to halt. The trail had turned back as he was running past to show him it was leading into the building. He takes in big gulps of air, and walks up the steps to the double doors leading inside, steadying himself using the wall as support as he does so. When he mostly catches his breath, he pulls on the door handle to try and get inside.

Locked.

He sighs heavily and taps his wand on the handle before quietly pulling the door open and slipping inside.

The building is dark. There are no windows to illuminate anything in the vast room Taako's in, and, thanks to his elven eyes, he can see the light fixtures have been smashed. The walls are lined with mostly empty shelves with a few books scattered here and there. There are a few other smaller bookshelves shoved toward the sides of the room, the remnants of what was probably a library, and then it hits him that this must be the abandoned building everyone claims is haunted. He and Lup tried to find it when they first came on campus to see if it was true, but they never found it.

That is, until now, it would seem.

The trail cuts across the room to a door on the far side of the right wall. Taako cautiously walks across the room and notices a weird symbol painted on the floor that covers a big portion of the room. It's a circle with intersecting lines inside of it, almost like a wheel, and between those lines is another circle connected by four squiggly lines going around some of the spokes. The image makes him feel nauseous for some reason, but he ignores it and hurries forward.

When Taako opens the door, a wave of the smell of rotting meat hits him and makes him gag. He regains his composure and quietly walks down the staircase leading into a cool, damp stone hallway. It's just as dark, if not darker, down here than it is upstairs, but Taako can see the glow of a red light coming from around the corner down the corridor. He keeps his wand outstretched as he moves quickly but silently, and he pauses at the turn before peeking his head around the corner.

It's a room dimly lit with torches glowing with red embers placed sparsely along the walls. Another painting of the same symbol takes up most of the floor, but that's not what catches Taako's eye first. Two columns stand on either side of the circle, and hung up on them are two wheels. Two wheels with beaten and broken bodies braided between the spokes.

Rolsa and Marmorn.

The hand holding his wand starts to shake as Taako breathes deeply, trying to ignore the stench of blood and rotting flesh. He has to keep moving and fast. He makes it to the other side of the room and into the next corridor.

A faint buzzing noise catches Taako's attention as he enters the hallway. He looks around at the stone walls for the source of the noise, but there's nothing on them besides the torches that glow silently. He pushes the noise to the back of his mind as he glances back down at the trail. It's pointing through the right wall.

He jogs down the corridor to the next right turn, and he makes it into another room with the same columns on either side of the symbol on the floor only this time, the people hanging in the wheels are not Rolsa and Marmorn. They're two of his other classmates, Klirrack and an aasimar Taako never got the name of. Both of Klirrack's feathered wings are severed and pinned above the wheel.

Taako runs to the next corridor and the buzzing gets louder. The trail is still pointing to the right, so he runs until he finds a path branching right. He runs into another room with more columns and wheels, but this time he doesn't stop. He doesn't want to know who they are as long as they aren't Lup. As he runs through the hallway at the other end of that room, the incessant buzzing gets even louder, and the trail he's following is now pointing right and behind him? There wasn't any other exits in the last room though.

Taako stares hard at the wall next to him and puts a hand up to it. He feels nothing but empty air as his hand goes straight through it. The buzzing noise is the sound of magic all around him. The hallway walls are fake.

With his wand at the ready, Taako takes a deep breath and walks through the wall.

The illusion fades away, and he sees that he is in a huge room with a smaller room in the middle. The columns with his classmates are still there spread around the bigger room, and as Taako walks around to take a better look at the walls containing the smaller room, he finds the door slightly ajar. He creeps up to the door and puts his back against the wall.

From inside the room he can hear a familiar voice say, "So uh, how exactly do you want to die? Because I've got options that I desperately would love to use on you."

Another voice scoffs. "I'd love to see you try from your position. There's no way you're going to get out of those bonds."

"Not by myself, no," Lup agrees. "Unfortunately, you have tied them pretty tightly, but as soon as Taako gets down here and unties them for me, I'm going to wreck your shit."

Keth laughs. "He's not going to find you. No one is, and no one ever will because once I'm done with you and this ritual, my god, Uzdis, will come back to life and make the world suffer as much as it has tortured me!"

Lup and Taako laugh as Taako turns around the corner with his wand pointed at Keth who looks up at him with a start. "Uzdis? Is he the god of lost contact information? Like new phone, Uzdis?" Taako says, still cracking up.

"No no no, it's new god, Uzdis!" Lup says from the floor, still cackling.

Keth stands up angrily from the floor he was kneeling on and pulls out his own wand. "No, he's the god of torture, and how the hell did you get down here?"

"You forgot to protect yourself from magical detection homie," Taako says with a shrug.

Keth is standing in front of an altar and beside a raised platform which Lup is laying on, flat on her back and tied to the floor. On the other side of the platform is a spiked wheel, just like the wheels their classmates are tied up in. Seeing Lup tied up like that and Keth's wheel of torture laying beside her, ready to be put to use at any moment, turns Taako's already dangerously high anger levels up to a thousand.

"Hey, brother dearest, do you mind undoing these bonds so I can kill him?" Lup asks sweetly.

"No way! I'm going to kill him!"

"I'm the one who got kidnapped, so I should be the one who gets to kill him!"

"Well-"

Taako's interrupted as Keth fires off a fireball in his direction, and Taako leaps aside. He points his wand at Keth again, and black tentacles appear right below him and start restraining him and beating him to shit. Taako runs for Lup, but Keth shouts an incantation, and suddenly, Taako isn't in the room anymore.

Taako's on the side of a road. To where? He doesn't know. There's no towns or signs of civilization anywhere in sight. There is, however, a group of wagons driving away from him, and he feels a pang of guilt, sadness, and anger in his chest though he doesn't know why.

"Well now you've gone and done it again!"

Taako turns around, and there's Lup. She's standing with her hands on her hips and looking at him with a kind of anger and disgust he has never seen directed at him from her before.

"Lup? I don't underst-"

"You just had to piss them off didn't you? You couldn't keep your damn mouth shut even though you knew they would kick us out if you didn't!" Her voice is filled with so much venom it makes Taako flinch.

"Lup, what the hell-"

"I can't believe you did this to us again, Taako! Why? They would've paid us this time! We could have saved up enough money, so we wouldn't need to go traveling around with whoever was desperate enough for good food to take us on anymore!"

Taako starts trembling and tears start streaming down his face. "Lup..." His voice cracks on her name.

"Why do I even travel with you anymore?" Lup spits on his shoes then looks him directly in the eye. "You disgust me."

Pain shoots through his brain so intensely, he staggers to keep himself upright.

Lup shoves him backwards, and he crumbles to the ground. "I'm so sick and tired of putting up with your bullshit. No wonder everyone leaves us. Leaves you."

"Stop," Taako whimpers, his lower lip trembling.

"No, you stop. You stay here with no one to help you and don't you dare come follow me anywhere again." Lup turns on her heal and walks away, leaving Taako on the ground.

Another bolt of pain goes through Taako's head, and he screams. His brain feels like it's on fire, and he's so sad and angry and lonely and scared.

Wait a minute. Would Lup really leave him behind?

Taako takes a deep breath. Then another. Then another. He shuts his eyes closed tightly and shakes his head a little before opening them again, and...

He's crumbled in a heap on the floor of the torture room. Lup is yelling for him to snap out of it, and Keth... is picking up the torture wheel, getting ready to strike.

"NO!" The twins yell at the same time.

Taako springs to his feet, tears still streaming down his face, and Lup's hands catch fire, searing away the rope tied around her wrists. He points his wand at Keth at the same time Lup points her finger at him too, and a bolt of green light shoots from Taako's wand as fire springs from Lup's hands.

Keth screams as he disintegrates into a flaming pile of ash and dust.

It's quiet for a moment as they both stare at the remains of their substitute teacher. Then Lup turns to look at Taako and asks, "You uh... you good, bro? He must have done a number on you."

Taako scoffs and crosses his arms, ignoring the fact that he is very much still trembling. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not the one who was kidnapped and almost beaten to death to bring back some old dead god. I'd ask if you're okay too, but it looks like you've got yourself handled, Ms. I Can Now Shoot Flames Out of My Hands, Apparently."

Lup grins at him and laughs. "Yeah, can you believe that? I didn't know I could do something like that! That was the coolest shit I've ever done, and that's saying something because I've done a lot of cool things."

"Yeah, but at least I was the one who killed him." Taako sticks his tongue out at her, and she puts her hand over her heart and looks at him like she's offended.

"In what way did you kill him? I blasted the shit out of him with fire, that's my kill!"

"Yeah, well, did you see the way I disintegrated him? Look, he's even in a pile of dust!"

"That's ash, doofus!"

"No it's not!"

"Fine," Lup says, still smiling. "How about we both killed him."

"I can agree to that," Taako says and smiles.

He helps her untie her feet, and they hug and hold each other for a long time.

"I knew you'd find me, Koko," Lup says quietly.

"Yeah, and I always will, Lulu."

[orchidbreezefc]

OH SHIT YALL ARE WE PUBLICALLY TALKING ABOUT THE SHIT THE KFAM CREATORS PULL? IS THAT A THING WE’RE TALKING ABOUT NOW? I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

first: im not going to go into issues i have with the show itself. yall heard the helen keller episode and the walt storyline/the character voice a white dude used for him same as i did--my input won’t be necessary there i think. i also recommend the blog @kfam-tea​, thank you for your service, for being an archive for creator-based shit, the current snafu and their history, etc.

this is about my personal experiences with the creators. there’s plenty of behavior by the FANDOM that i don’t appreciate, especially in the official discord--where it’s specifically encouraged and cultivated--and maybe i’ll indulge myself with that in a separate post, but this i think will be more relevant to more folks’ interests and the current climate.

so. remember ep90, “if you’re hungry and you know it”? it’s the one where maggie calls in to apply and gets treated like shit by our protagonists for 15 minutes. comments are made about her breasts. they try to dissuade her from applying for the job posting they’ve been advertising because chet would sexually harass her and rather than address that they’d rather just.... warn off every female applicant? maggie through the conversation is trying to make amends for her wrongs (i.e. high school drama and attacking a guy who sexually harassed her so badly for years she quit her job) and talk about her efforts at recovery, and she is mocked, both in the way she is written and in the way sammy and ben talk to and about her.

it was bad. it was very sexist and bad, and nothing was said about it for a month (7/15-8/15), at which point ep92, “words: greater than pen, greater than sword” aired, which contained lily tearing sammy to shreds over it. ben wasn’t there, which was interesting, because it did create a dynamic where our resident socially aware lesbian (who solely bears the burden of educating people when they are being shitheads and is richly rewarded by being widely regarded as an unlikeable bitch by the fandom and many of the characters) rightfully confronts and gets an apology from a gay man for being half of an extremely misogynist shutdown of a woman. meanwhile, his hetero counterpart and unassailable purehearted fandom darling is not yelled at for his misogyny, and gets to have this Very Important Lesson relegated to him offscreen later. i mean, presumably? i’m pretty sure we never hear whether that actually happens.

still, it was a pretty thorough discussion of how gross that conversation had been, and it was addressed and apologized for in the show itself by the characters (or one of them), which was more than i expected. it regained some lost trust. it was clear to me that the kfam team had received the same sort of outcry from the fandom that i had seen in more private servers, and these were their amends. i decided to tweet at them applauding the effort. this is how that worked out:

[ID: a tweet by me that reads: “@ KingFallsAM hey.... today's episode was good. this was a good way to respond to fan criticism and the apology is appreciated. thanks.”

the official kfam account quote tweeted this to respond: “This was an intended storyline, we don’t course correct. We have ALWAYS had imperfect characters that learn and grow and will continue to. Also... we only saw one tweet even mention it. But thanks?“

a fellow fan, whose username and icon have been redacted, replied to the official kfam account’s response with: “I feel like there’s a less sarcastic way to respond to this tweet. I’m a diehard fan, however I saw quite a bit of criticism about thesexism[sic] in the recent episodes. I too was under the impression that it was a course correction, regardless I am glad that there is character growth“]

so. that was a cool thing. like, i do owe that other fan my life and will show up for them in their hour of need for being the only one to publically stick up for me despite being a stranger, but that sure was a quote tweet that a multi-thousand-followers account used to dunk on my under-100-followers account for trying to pay them a compliment!

i mean, really. the passive-aggressive ‘but thanks?’ at the end? and them saying not that they didnt course correct in this case where followup (a month later) was planned, but that they don’t course-correct, as in they never do that--was a clear statement of ‘we don’t accept fan criticism or feedback on writing OR representation and take it into account, ever’. hey kfam, pro tip: when you say 'thanks for accepting our apology i guess' it really sounds like you didnt feel like you needed to apologize in the first place. which is a pretty bold attitude to take about an episode where a character apologizes for being sexist.

like no wonder you only saw one tweet about it if that’s the attitude you present toward criticism (and, as @kfam-tea​‘s blog thoroughly proves, it is and has been, consistently). i know the risk of backlash is definitely why i hadn’t said anything about 90 in public up to that point. but yeah, 'nobody told us that episode was disgusting in our samebrain discord server that contains the literal creators who have a history of backlash, so can you really say there was fan criticism at all? maybe it was just in your head. after all, if we did something wrong with the intention to correct it a month later, did we really do anything wrong in the first place? checkmate'

tl;dr im not surprised by the new developments. my hearts go out to the MINORS, who are specifically cultivated as an audience by the sfw policy of the official server, who were publically chewed out by the grown ass author on twitter for requesting tags, warnings, or really any sort of discretion or consideration at all on nsfw content.

p.s.: here’s something kyle said on the discord in response to a conversation in which i criticized ben’s behavior during an episode (i.e. said he should apologize and take responsibility for a hurtful thing he did even though he did it by accident, or at least have it acknowledged in the show or the fandom that he did a hurtful thing--another post, perhaps) and the rest of the discord dogpiled me until i cried and shut down and stopped defending myself or speaking at all because i couldn’t deal with inviting any more argument:

[ID: a discord message from kyle that reads: “Thank you all for talking about this maturely and with your words. I’ve personally never seen that heard[sic???] of this scene with that POV attached but that’s the beautiful thing about this show and shows like it, is[sic] that we all kinda copy & paste ourselves on these characters and situations at times. Everybody’s opinions on the situation is[sic] valid with their own personal context of the scene.” two people have reacted with blue heart emojis.]

how magnanimous, kyle. wouldn’t have described the preceding argument as civil even if i did understand how anyone could possibly do anything on a discord text channel that didn’t qualify as using their words, but thanks? somebody literally DM’d me to ask if i was okay because without having ever talked to me one-on-one before they could tell i was deeply distraught by the end, but i’m glad you got to be the benevolent author and shake hands with both sides for a swift shutdown of dissent well executed. /s

[mousehole5000]

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

[yetanotherreader]

Useful—3

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N, slight Dean x Lisa

Summary: The school's most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count (For the chapter): 2,712

Warnings (For the chapter): None.

[For some reason, some of the tags aren't working. I'm sorry about that.]

[[ Also I'm sorry for the no Read More thingy because it doesn't happen on the phone app :-(]]

Useful Masterlist

Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Mondays.

You dreaded them. For some reason, they were never good. They were sleepy, tiring and grumpy and unfortunately you couldn't do shit about it. You always had to wake up extra early for a hopefully refreshing shower, take the supposed-to-be small bus ride to the uni, which just got longer because of the Monday traffic and run to the lecture hall, only to have the professor glaring at you for coming late to the class.

Mondays.

Today was no different. You woke up extra early, took a hopefully refreshing shower, took the supposed-to-be small bus ride—WHICH was surprisingly not as long as always—and still ran to the lecture hall. Fxckin' tiring mess. The sleepless sleep still showed in your eyes and you would have given anything to have an extra hour for it that morning. But well, same old—Mondays. 

And suddenly, today was different.

"Come on…" A group of annoyed whines were heard from the lecture room just as you entered the hallway.

"What's wrong?" You asked a very pissed Rhea, or was she Akira?

"Morning classes got cancelled. We woke up for nothing."

Honestly.. what the fxck was wrong with the university? Mumbling and whining to yourself, you made your way to the cafeteria, maybe some coffee would help. Tried enjoying the warm sunshine on your face, keyword: tried, as you slowed down your steps near the playground. Or maybe you could just sit in the sun and make the most out of your oh-so-lovely Monday morning? Taking a seat in the bleachers, you decided on reading the book you were, at that time, reading.

Just halfway through the chapter— "Good morning, nerd. I see you're doing some fun stuff over here." You sighed, not wanting to get into any kind of argument at that particular time, or day- or life.

"You're back at it, aren't you?" You looked up at the still smirking Dean, dressed in his black and blue football jersey. A sight for sore eyes.

"Back at what?"

"Being a dick?" You looked back at the book still tired, "Look, Winchester, I'm so not in the brightest Monday sunshine mood right now. Don't bother."

"And here I thought we were friends." He sighed feigning sadness as he turned around to make his way back to the other side of the ground.

"You're here for practice?" He turned back to you, grinning adorably, just as you rolled your eyes.

"Yep but it doesn't start until at least a couple hours."

"Why so early here then?"

"Apparently, there's an emergency board meeting that all the HODs need to attend. So, delayed."

"Oh...that is why" You concluded why your classes got cancelled, "God. Don't you just hate it how they don't inform us about anything beforehand." You groaned.

"Not having the best morning?" He chuckled, as you gestured him to take a seat next to you.

"Nah. I'm the happiest I could ever be," You said with a yawn, "Should we go to the cafeteria before I die or we just let me die?"

"You're such a mood," He laughed toothily shaking his head, "Let us."

Sitting in the cafeteria, you sip on your coffee awkwardly trying to ignore the very obvious gazes of the people around you. You couldn't even make out how Dean looked so unfazed by all the attention, or maybe—obviously, he was used to it.

"You know," Dean started, seemingly, figuring out your awkwardness to ease the tension, "You could have just asked me on a date instead."

You chuckled, thankful for some words, "You wish, Winchester."

"Honestly...I don't" He said winning a laugh out of you.

Time flew by quickly, filled with laughter, corny jokes and sassy remarks with you not even realizing that all that attention didn't bother you anymore. Quite honestly, you didn't even realize they were there. To your surprise, you really did enjoy a Monday morning. 

"Oh," Dean exclaimed as his phone buzzed, "Totally lost track of time. It was fun, but Y/N, I gotta hurry now. I'm late."

"Well I still have an hour to kill. Good luck with the practice."

"Oh yeah, there's still an hour to the class," Dean said as he hurried, "You wanna come see the game?"

"Oh, no no. I don't understand it. I'll rather read my book here."

"Nerd," he smiled at you, "Alright then, see you in the class."

"Yeah" You smiled back, as he went. Maybe Dean wasn't all that bad after all.

You just started with the chapter, again, that you were rudely interrupted... again.

"Look who's trying to get some attention, there. Whatcha think guys? What does she think of Dean's charity? That he got the hots for her or something?" You flinched at the ear-piercing group of laughter came from the direction.

"Tss. Geez, Cassie, mind toning down that screechi- sweet laugh a lil bit? Kinda trying to concentrate." You gave her a sweet smile and turned back to your work.

"Hey, Y/N. How's you? Long time no see." She came and sat where Dean sat not even a couple minutes ago.

"Was doing just good." You muttered as you kept your eyes in your book.

"You were? Obviously, you were," she started taking ahold of Dean's cup, playing with it, "Y/N, stop trying, darling. Dean is very out of league for you. I'm saying for your good."

"Sweets. You know the only reason I'm replying to you, Cassie, is just because it's rude not to?" You looked up at her at annoyed, managing a sarcastically polite smile, "Now if you could excuse me, I'm kinda in the middle of something.

She stood up rolling her eyes as you spoke up again, "And well, don't worry. I'm no threat. Dean and me, nope. Not happening. Also, stop acting like he's your property. The guy's got a life of his own to live, about time, you get one for yourself too."

Before she could retaliate, you made your way out of the door, leaving her processing what you said. Not gonna say that you had got bad blood with her but you had got bad blood with her. Honestly, you wouldn't give two flying shits about her if she wasn't the one with the brilliant idea of throwing you into the pool on your very first day. And if that wasn't enough, she had the nerve to bully you about it for the next few months too. Initially you ignored for a long time, hoping she would end it herself, but was she one to? When you had enough of her shit, all it took, then, was one punch to the wall and an angry 'next time it won't be the wall' for her to stop. Not that she ever was a trouble for you later, but you were her glare dart ever since. You were kinda looking forward to her passing out of the college— one year without her unnecessary glares and hushed whispers but she just had to get a year back for her last year. Oh, your life. 

Practice was tiring, and since they had gotten just one hour for it, they didn't even get any breaks. On top of that, Dean might have sprained his neck. Maybe Y/N's bad day was contagious. Maybe she passed it to him.

Y/N. The thought of her bringing a faint smile on his lips. Damn, she was awesome. He wondered why she kept to herself, her personality sure would get her a lot of friends. That morning, Dean had actually enjoyed himself after a long time. He'd been so lonely for the past few months, he had almost forgotten how to laugh like he did today. She could be an amazing friend. Not to mention, he was still not over how she helped him back at Jo's without even mentioning it once today. Y/N was a good person, he could say that. Mysterious, but nice. He hoped that they actually became really good friends.

His eyes wandered to find her sitting by herself, in a corner as he made his way into the almost empty classroom, "This seat taken?"

She looked up from the book and, for once, smiled, "Hey..yes..no, please sit."

He smiled in return as he sat down beside her, lowly groaning in pain.

"You okay, there?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I think neck strain."

"Oh, geez. Want some help?"

He chuckled humorously, "And what will you do to make it better?"

"Well, they do say I have magic hands." She chuckled in response too, getting up to stand behind him. She started lightly massaging his neck and shoulders, pressing her fingers to his shoulder blades whilst her thumbs worked on his neck. She did the motion a few times as she felt his muscles relax, his knots loosening. He felt himself relaxing, the pain still there but better. How was she always good at whatever she was doing? She stopped her movements abruptly, as he realized a loud moan escaped his lips, only to burst out laughing the next second, "God, Winchester, what the hell?" sounding a little embarrassed.

"S-sorry. Damn it, your fault. What can I say, you do have magic hands." He laughed out, too.

The day went by quite fast after that. They didn't cross paths post the class again. It was the last lecture when Dean met with Cas and Jo. Finally.

"Hey!" Jo chirped as she came after the class, and hugged Dean from behind, Cas copying the action, "Dude?"

"Hey, strangers." Dean said, not in any mood to have a happy-go-lucky conversation with them.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked, clueless. Jo elbowed his ribs gently.

"What's wrong? Nothing." Dean walked ahead, rolling his eyes as the two of them followed him.

"Dean, come on. We're sorry, okay?"

"Well, don't be. Not that it matters anyway." Dean said coming to a stop, "What? You guys didn't go somewhere private, again?"

"Okay, first of all, stop taunting us, jerk. And second of all, we're sorry. We didn't mean to-"

"First of all, don't copy Sammy. And second of all, I called you two how many times, Joanna?"

"What can we do to make it up to you? Jo is right Dean, we're genuinely sorry. We just had a tiring night, so we slept in. Really really tiring." said Cas, blushing a shade of pink, as Dean's lips lifted in a very surprised smile.

"So...you finally, finally did it?" He looked from Cas to Jo grinning, "So you finally did our virgin angel, huh?"

"Shut up" she grumbled, trying to stifle a laugh of her own, blushing a few shades herself, "What about you and the specsy?"

"Who? Y/N? What about us?"

"Don't act innocent, De. Coffee dates and massage and all, huh." She said, cocking her brow, piquing Cas' interest in the conversation too, "Didn't think you'd go for her."

"We're just friends," said Dean, thinking about it from all the angles, "I think."

"You think?"

Dean shrugged, unable to come with a proper answer.

The rest of the day went pretty okay for him. Cas and Jo finally did spend time with him but it wasn't like before at all. They were different and he expected this, as much as he shipped them. They were a couple now, dynamics changed. He wasn't the same for them like earlier, he was the lesser priority. And single.

"So, you're telling me you're single?" You said, surprising yourself with the subtle, unnoticeable relief you felt. Dean and you had bonded pretty well over the past couple of months. You had never thought you two were ever going to be friends, but he was nicer than he made himself look. You learned a few things about him, and about the first day dare too. Oh boi, weren't you just ready to whack his butt with a spoon.

"Yeah. Well, that sounded judgy, Y/N."

You grinned apologetic, "Hee, sorry. It's just it's hard to believe is all."

It was funny how you two became good friends so soon. You were not really one for friends. For a long time, you'd been alone, convincing yourself you liked the quiet. Although you did, it was undeniable how loneliness got to you every time you wanted to talk to someone about something going on in your life, a bad day or even something as normal as your new favorite TV show. It sucked, now that you were admitting to yourself. It sucked how you had no one to talk to. It sucked how you couldn't even complain about it to anyone. And it sucked to spend your weekends alone in your dark room, trying to distract yourself with a book or fanfic, pretending that it was all okay.

And now here you were. Not in a dark room, not alone and not pretending. Here you were actually talking to someone about the random-est things on the planet, laughing with him and actually enjoying yourself. You both still weren't on the we-tell-each-other-everything stage and you highly doubted you ever were going to be but it was still nice. Yeah maybe you hadn't told him shit about yourself yet, but he was still the closest you'd ever been to someone in years. You had Lisa and you cared about her, you did. But where was it written that the person you care about would care about you the same way too? You were never in the list of her priorities, never even close. But she trusted you, and that's why you were...friends? You didn't know exactly. She would come to you after a break up or when she was having a bad day. You had helped her so much, for so many years, it became your instinct to do it. She had friends, she was loved and she had a life you would never. She was Lisa Braeden. She was she, and you were...you. Plain, dull, unattractive Y/N. That's it. That was you in three words. And honestly, you didn't mind. You had come terms with it a long time ago, terms with no one caring about you.

Until two months ago. Dean was a good friend. He was nice, sweet, protective and funny. And most importantly, he...cared. He would tell you jokes on Monday mornings, give you ice pack when your clumsy ass ran into the closed door and invite you for movies with his friends which you always refused to. When Dean realized you didn't like going out with strangers, he invited you over for a movie night to his place. It was, maybe, the sweetest thing someone had ever done for you. He made you snacks and then you guys talked about random things the entire night only to pass out on the couch later. After that, it had become your Friday night tradition.

And with all these sweet things, could you blame yourself for starting to feel something more for him than you should? You, very well, knew this would never happen. Dean had a type, a taste in girls and you were far from that. You had too few/many curves than what looked beautiful, you didn't have the most beautiful hair or skin and you were not pretty. Simple. He would never feel for you. And you, too, only had a silly little crush on him, which would go with time. Right?

You woke up, cuddled with a warm figure on the couch, head under the blanket. You struggled to pop your head out of the covers and once you did, you were met with a beautifully freckled face sleeping soundly. He looked so peaceful that you never wanted to wake him up. Your eyes just briefly glanced at his plump lips, wondering what it would be like to touch them or maybe, feel them against your own? And in a matter of seconds, your eyes were back at the blanket, hiding your little secret you kept from yourself. A secret only your late night or early morning self knew, which you would conveniently deny to yourself later during the day. A secret you would pass off as nothing but your sleepy head's made up story.

Nothing, but a story.

___________

Chapter 4

A/N: Alright, I don't know how it turned out. It took me more than a week for this chapter, and I couldn't even think of anything. I'd write a few sentences and close the document. A writer's block, I think. Well anyway, I didn't have anything in mind so it's mostly a filler chapter which I somehow used to make the little-st progress in the story. Mostly their friendship. I think I'll make it stronger before I do the shit I have planned. Please don't hate me for the chapter coz I already do :')💔

Tag list:

@bi-danvers0 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @itsjaybro16 @mml232 @blablatiti @stilltoomuchafangirl @bat-shark-repellant @bluebell-24 @shortwinchester @always-money-in-the-banana-stand @soullessbabee @ima-be-a-mongoose

[angrylizardjacket]

you wrote ‘don’t forget’ on your arm // 1 // charlotte&lola (penny&jupiter)

Summary: Jupiter’s going to dress as Lola for the premiere of The Dirt, is dating MGK, and also the premiere happens.

A/N: @misscharlottelee and @local-troubled-writer . I split this into 2 parts because the second part is almost entirely this AU’s version of The Dirt and it was getting too long. Next part to be posted tomorrow!!

Part 1 of 2

----

Jupiter looks like Lola; the same dark hair, same angular face. They’re not a spitting image, they’ve inherited Tommy’s waifishness and green eyes, so the honour of looking like a carbon copy of their mother belongs to Cerie, but whenever people write about Jupiter, on blogs or in magazines, they always feel the need to mention; Jupiter looks like Lola. So with the premiere coming up, Jupiter thinks it’s only fitting; if all anyone sees is their mother, then spitefully, they’ll play into that.

For the record, Alicia, the woman they’ve got playing Lola, looks eerily similar to her, and by extension Jupiter, and Jupiter wonders if it’s egotistical of Freudian to think she’s hot. Whatever; that’ll be their therapist’s problem. The cast for The Dirt is hot, which is an uncomfortable truth that Jupiter has to live with. Even Iwan makes Mick hot, which is somehow way weirder than her mom being hot, because Mick is a gremlin and the only band member Jupiter actually gets along with, their father notwithstanding. 

Some time when Jupiter was a teenager, Mick had told them, with the haunted wisdom of a man who has spent over half his life putting up with their parents, that he’d had broken guitars with more common sense than Lola, and Jupiter decided then and there that he was their favourite, and their opinion hadn’t waivered since.

So it’s with a well-worn resentment that they acknowledge how actually stylish Lola was in her youth, not that she isn’t now, but she was more of a punk in her twenties than Jupiter knows they could ever be. 

Penny thinks it’s self-destructive behaviour, and that Jup is too old for this shit, but she tags along, never one to pass up a good trawl through a vintage store, that is when she’s not in the studio with Dominic. Jup joins them when they can, when they’re not working on the final touches for their own album.

“Am I allowed to say your mom is hot?” Colson’s laying back on Jup’s sofa, flipping through a scrapbook Tommy had leant him, filled with old newspaper and magazine clippings, trying to find a good photo of Lola, while Jupiter scrolls through pinterest, looking for any and all photos of their mother in her youth. Preferably with clothes on. Christ, Lola. Jupiter shoots him a look, but it’s not angry, it’s just rather… uncomfortable.

“I think you are, but I wish you wouldn’t.”

None of the jackets are ever right; they’ve got the ripped fishnets, the black platforms, the leather shorts, they’d even managed to get their hands on a spiked bra, but for all the leather jackets they’d looked at, none of them were Lola-level of over the top gutter punk. Oh they had spikes upon spikes, and buckles, and a few had some custom detailing, but none of them were right. Up until Motley’s first tour, Lola had lived and died in her black leather jacket, with the spikes on the shoulders, that looked better open than it did zipped up. There was only one option left. They could go to Tommy, but they knew ultimately they’d end up at the same place.

Lionheart Management’s thirty-second floor offices had the same effect on Jupiter as a dentist’s office had on a child; deep seated discomfort, but Jupiter would rather meet her there than have to go to the bullshit family home she shared with Nikki.

Jupiter knocks on the door that bares their mother’s name, grimacing at the little plaque beneath that reminded everyone that she was the CEO. Lola’s voice rings from inside, inviting them in, and she seems pleasantly surprised to see Jupiter when the door opens.

Lola still wears all her earrings she’d given herself in her youth, though now they’re studs rather than safety pins and pieces of wire, as Jupiter had come to see, and for all she’s grown up, she still favours black. Maybe that’s why Jupiter’s always gone for pastels.

“What a lovely surprise,” Lola sits back in her desk chair, haloed  the golden records on her wall, and gives a fond smile to her child, “what can I do for you today?” And it kind of stings that Lola knows that Jupiter wants something, though Jupiter considers that that’s no-one’s fault but their own. They don’t make a point of seeing Lola for idle chatter.

“Do you still have that black jacket from the eighties?” Jupiter cuts right to the chase, and Lola frowns a little.

“Which one?”

“The one with the spikes on the shoulders and the weird sort of panel design?”

“I think Nadine gave me that one -” Lola says, something gently faraway about her tone.

“I don’t need it’s history, I’m just asking if I can borrow it.” Jupiter’s tone is sharp, and Lola’s expression falls. After a moment, she agrees quietly, giving a sad smile as she tells Jupiter they can pick it up later that night from her house. Before they turn away, they think they can see what people mean when they say that Jupiter looks like Lola, something haunted, wise beyond her years. They turn away.

“It’s good to see you, Jubilee,” Lola tells them just as Jupiter goes to leave, using the nickname she’d given Jupiter after they’d come out and changed their name, “I’ve heard you’re working on some new music, that’s exciting.” She’s trying so desperately to make some sort of connection with the child who barely acknowledges her, and Jupiter feels a twinge of guilt.

“It’s releasing a month after The Dirt, my album,” Jupiter’s tone is soft and a little cautious, but they turn back in time to see Lola smiling, “I even had Seo and Cyrus help out with one of the songs.” To which Lola actually laughs, warm and fond.

“I heard; Cy has not stopped talking about it, and about how he’s going to thank you when he’s headlining Coachella in a few years time.” Lola enthuses, leaning forward, elbows on her desk, eyes sparkling with amusement. This has Jupiter grinning, amused at their little brothers antics, actually sharing a nice moment with their mom. “Sounds like you’re really keeping busy; dad’s got you and Penny working on some stuff for the premiere, right?” 

“Yeah, along with Colson and Dominic,” Jupiter says with a faint smile.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Lola says, a gentle pride in her words, “taking the world by storm, you’re a powerhouse, Jubilee.” And Jupiter feels a strange sort of warmth flourish in their chest. 

Lola doesn’t ask why they want the jacket, just hands it over easily when Jupiter comes to pick it up.

When he sees it, Colson whistles low through his teeth, poking at the spikes on the shoulders with an awed fascination.

“Holy shit, dude -”

“Don’t cum too hard, it’s just a jacket,” Jupiter makes a face, but Colson actually snorts.

“Do you know how many guys would give their left nut to touch this jacket?”

“Are you into me or my mom?” Jupiter snaps, and he turns his gaze on them, eyes wide, looking a little guilty. In an instant, he’s put the jacket on the table, and has wrapped Jup up in his arms.

“You, babe, of course, it’s just weird after seeing the replica costuming made; it doesn’t hold a candle to the real thing. I’m into you, Jup,” he adds, “jesus fuck.” Jup will leave enough bites and hickeys on him to remind him of this fact later that night. 

They haven’t thought much about the movie itself; they’ve been around set out of sheer curiosity, and also to spend time with the cast, as they’re becoming fast friends, but they don’t actually know even the plot of the movie, or have read the script, and they haven’t been motivated enough to piece together any of this information from the snippets they’ve been on set for. Penny’s got a better grip, mostly because she, Lola, and Tommy have had meetings with the director, writers, and actors on how to handle Charlotte and Razzle with sensitivity, but Penny never talks to Jupiter about it, she knows Jupiter, for lack of a better phrase, would rather be surprised by the movie.

So their expectations are low by the time the premiere comes around, but they’re going all out, getting ready with Penny and the hair and makeup team they’ve hired for the occasion. 

Dark hair dark eyes, the makeup and hair women do a fantastic job, and Penny’s quiet for a long moment after the reveal.

“They did good?” Jupiter asks with a sharp smile, and Penny gives her a strange smile, a nod, but no words leave her lips. Jupiter doesn’t quite know how to take that, so they get dressed, leather shorts over ripped fishnets, knee-high black platforms that make them taller than any person should rightly be. They’d inherited most of Tommy’s height, which now, with six-inch platforms, is more of a curse than a blessing at 6′7″, but it doesn’t matter. They pull on the spiked bra, and leave their room with Lola’s jacket in their arms.

And Penny is silent.

“Holy shit.” Soft, eyes wide and awed, Penny takes them in, and Jupiter feels a strange sort of discomfort. “You look just like her.” Penny looks stunning in her own right, in a gorgeous, vintage-inspired jumpsuit, hair styled big, looking every bit like her parents’ daughter. Before her words could really sink in, she’s giving a bright smile, rifling through her bag, “we should get a polaroid; Andy and Sami asked if I could send a photo of us from tonight.”

They get a photo together, wait for it to develop before sending it to both the kids’ groupchat, affectionately titled Bastards Incorporated, as well as the group text Penny’d started with the rest of Hanoi Rocks after visiting them a few years ago.

Sami Yaffa sends back ‘holy shit pennylope and kid lee!! what a blast from the past’ and Jupiter feels like they’re hearing that a lot lately. He follows it with a few kind words about how authentic they look, and how their parents would be proud. Penny pretends like she isn’t tearing up a little at that, and Jupiter pretends like they don’t take the comment as a compliment. 

Meanwhile, in Bastards Incorporated, populated by the various Lee and Sixx children, amid compliments, Cyrus has changed Jupiter’s nickname from Daddy Kink  to Electra Complex 😘 and Cerie is sending selfies from the limousine that’s on it’s way to Jupiter and Penny.

[Jupiter] Electra Complex 😘: cyrus im gonna break all the bones in your arm [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: im ambidextrous [Jupiter] Electra Complex 😘: *arms [Cerie] Evil Cyrus sent a photo to Bastards Incorporated. [Penelope] the only valid lee: Cerie sTOP you look incredible!!  [Cerie] Evil Cyrus ❤️ reacted. [Jupiter] Electra Complex 😘: wait is that SEO NOT WEARING A HOODIE [Seo] King of the Ripsticks ❤️ reacted. [Cerie] Evil Cyrus sent a photo to Bastards Incorporated. [Penelope] the only valid lee: SEO YOU LOOK SO GOOOOOOOD [Seo] King of the Ripsticks ❤️ reacted. [Seo] King of the Ripsticks: 🤵

Since turning 18, no-one outside of the family has seen Seo’s face without his hoodie and sunglasses, a personal choice, and kind of a gimmick to make him more memorable in the skating scene, so when Penny and Jupiter slide into the limousine to see him dressed to the nines, in a powder blue suit with his hair blown out, it comes as a welcome surprise, and they both shower him with compliments.

“Oi!” Cyrus cuts in where he’s sitting opposite them beside his twin, “what about me?”

“You look like a rat,” Jupiter tells him, despite how well dressed he also was. Cyrus flips them off, “Cerie you look stunning.” Jupiter tells her with a warm sincerity, and Cerie gives a toothy grin. Cerie’s always had the makings of a model, and in a sparkling, champagne colored dress and understated makeup, she’ll outshine them all with ease.

“Come on,” Cyrus whined, before tugging at the lapels of his jacket, doing the bottom button up, putting on his most winning grin as he turned on Penny, “come on, Pen, thoughts?” And Penny, ever the favourite cousin, humours him.

“You look great, Cy; I can’t believe you’re wearing a keyboard tie, but somehow it looks good on you, bud,” and at her praise, Cyrus practically preens.

“I can’t believe you’re dressed as mom,” Cerie’s a little disbelieving when she finally takes in Jupiter’s attire, quickly making mention that they look spectacular, it’s just a little jarring.

“You look -”

“Just like her, I know,” Jup gives a tired smile, and pulls out a hand mirror to touch up their lipstick, “it’s kind of the point.”

They all enthuse about the film, about the story they’re about to witness, about how it’s probably going to be weird to see their parents like that - Penny is quiet. And Jupiter takes her hand without a word. 

They step out onto the red carpet one at a time, first the twins, Cyrus leading like the peacock he is, followed by Cerie, then Seo. Jupiter goes to leave, but Penny won’t move, won’t let go of their hand.

“What if they tell it wrong, after everything, they tell it wrong?” She asks, a shake in her voice that Jupiter knows all too well. 

“Then we’ll burn the theatre to the ground -”

“Don’t be like Lola for just a fucking minute, Jup; this is really important to me, I know you don’t get it, but arson won’t fix if they’ve ruined my family’s memory, you know?” 

Jupiter pauses for a long moment before wrapping Penny up in a hug, just as she had so many times for Jupiter before. Penny dabs delicately at her eyes before her tears can ruin her makeup.

“Our family wouldn’t let them release anything that didn’t do your parents justice; you wouldn’t sign off on anything that wouldn’t do them justice.” Jupiter tells her with the utmost seriousness, though Penny’s expression is still doubtful.

“But what if I got it wrong?”

“Penelope Dingley Lee, first of her name, if your parents were here, they’d be so immeasurably proud of you, because they loved you more than anything else in the world,” they took Penny’s face in their hands, made sure she was looking at them, “you couldn’t fail them even if you tried.”

Together, they face the crowd, who go wild at the sight of them, and smile like this isn’t one of the most uniquely strange and painful experiences of their lives. Flashbulbs go off and Jupiter strikes pose after pose, soaking up the attention with Penny by their side. They get to their siblings, to the rest of their family, there’s shock, and surprise, and when they look at Lola, wearing a black, velvet dress with her hair slicked back, she’s shocked. 

“Look at you,” Tommy marvels with a million-watt smile, “this is one hell of a stunt, kiddo, you look fantastic!” And he wraps them up in a hug, looking proud as punch. 

Mick is laughing harder than Jupiter’s ever seen him laugh before, and Vince and Nikki are wearing almost identically fond and disbelieving smiles. But Lola is unreadable.

“Never thought I’d see the day,” Mick makes his way to Jupiter, pats them fondly, and Jupiter makes a point of patting his head with their enhanced height, “you wear it well, kiddo; didn’t realise those two had good genes to pass on but it seems they did.” Tommy, who overheard the remark, sees Mick’s good-natured smile and teasing tone, and flips him off with a smile of his own, while Lola snickers.

“Fuck you, you geezer,” she tells him with a well worn fondness, before looking back at her child, who suddenly feels strangely nervous, though they try their best to cover it with bravado.

“They say I look like you,” Jupiter says with a smirk, and Lola shakes her head, expression turning amused. The rest of the family and the band is busy taking photos, but Lola tentatively approaches Jupiter, asks if she can hug them. Jupiter, who’s never really been one for physical contact, acquiesces, bending to hug their mother. 

“You have a much better head on your shoulders than I did at your age,” Lola mutters, and gives Jupiter a squeeze, before adding, “you look so badass, sweetheart.” 

Jupiter has no idea what they were expecting, but this almost definitely wasn’t it. Lola and Jupiter get countless photos together, and in the moments that follow, when the cast arrive, Alicia almost doubles over with laughter, crowing about how they should have cast Jup instead. The three of them get a photo together, and it’s one of the proudest moments of Lola’s life.

Focus from Jupiter dies down as people are splitting off to get photos with their doubles; Max and Josie tug Penny away to get a cheesy family photo with her, while the band and cast were taking side by side comparisons. 

By the time Douglas has reintroduced himself to Seo, not recognizing him without his hoodie and sunglasses,the rest of Lola’s kids are doing an incredibly poor job of hiding their laughter.

“Dude, who is that?” Colson asks Jupiter, trying his hardest to be discrete. Jupiter raises their eyebrows, casting their gaze to Seo before looking back at Colson.

“That’s my brother.”

“How many do you have?”

“Four.”

“And that one’s -”

“Seo.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Colson half laughs, looking back at where Seo was taking photos of Cerie on her phone for her instagram, “are you- that’s Seo? Seo! Dude!” He calls, and Seo looks over in their general direction, flashes a toothy smile, before turning back. “That dude was under that hoodie that whole time? Guess I owe Daniel five bucks.”

“What?” Jupiter laughs, and Colson looks a little sheepish, wrapping an arm around them as a photographer calls their names.

“We all had a bet about what was under his hood,” Colson tells them, posing for the camera, “Iwan’s money was on alopecia -”

“He thought Seo just had no hair?” Jupiter snorted.

“I was thinking embarrassing face tattoo, Doug had weird-coloured hair, and Daniel had -”

“Regular dude?”

“Weirdly handsome dude, actually, and I can’t believe he’s spot on -”

“And I can’t believe you seem to have a thing for my whole family,” Jupiter gave him a gentle shove, while Colson gave a rougish grin.

“Only ‘cos if I think too hard about you, lookin’ the way you look, we’re not gonna make it to the actual movie,” he murmured in their ear, and Jupiter swallowed hard, smile widening on their face.

“The movie starts in half an hour; meet me in the second story bathroom in ten minutes,” and with that, they split, each moving to take more photos, Colson doing a few interviews while Jupiter made their way to the bathroom discretely.

Before he leaves, Colson can’t help but say hello to the oldest Sixx child; Seo squints at him for a moment before smiling.

“Hey man, good to see you,” he says, and without a doubt, that’s Seo’s unflappable baritone. 

“Gotta say, man, you clean up nice, almost didn’t recognise you,” Colson admits, wrapping an arm around Seo’s shoulders as they take a few pictures together. Seo looks at whoever calls his name loudest, smiling brightly. “How you doing man?”

“Great, man, like a pig in shit,” he says, “can you do me a favour?”

“Depends, what’s up?”

“Point me in Penny’s direction; she’s wearing the same colour thing as Cyrus and I am fucking lost,” he laughs, and Colson does a double take, which Seo seems to miss, “Cerie was right, I should have just worn my damn glasses.”

“Dude, are you blind?”

“Legally, yeah, can’t properly see anything that’s not six inches away from my face.” And suddenly things are make a lot more sense.

“Your sunglasses are prescription, aren’t they?” Colson steers him in the direction of Penny, who caught sight of the pair of them, meeting them in the middle.

“Bingo,” Seo tells him with a grin, before letting Penny tuck her arm in his. After a beat, he adds, “thanks Daniel.”

“Actually I’m -” Colson goes to correct, actually a little embarrassed, but Seo snickers.

“It’s a joke, Kells, I know it’s you,” and he adds, “Jup left like twelve minutes ago, if you were looking for her.” And it’s eerie that he knows that he was. But it sounds like a blessing, if anything, and Colson tries to get away as unnoticed as possible.

[Cyrus] DJ Dumbass sent a photo to Bastards Incorporated. [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: JUPITER WHERE U @ UR BOYFRIENDS ESCAPING [Jupiter] Electra Complex 😘: none of your business [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: :O [Penelope] the only valid lee: they’re really in character ;) [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: lmao what if i sent a screenshot to lola [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: Jup [Cyrus] DJ Dumbass: @Electra Complex 😘 Penelope changed Cyrus’s nickname to QUIT SNITCHIN MFKER. [Cyrus] QUIT SNITCHIN MFKER: they’re not even RESPONDING [Cyrus] QUIT SNITCHIN MFKER: @Electra Complex 😘 this is the fuckin funniest i can’t believe you’ve been possessed by the spirit of 80s mom on tonight of all nights [Penelope] the only valid lee: since they aren’t here to defend themselves, cyrus im gonna rip out ya spine mortal kombat style [Seo] King of the Ripsticks and [Cerie] Evil Cyrus ❤️ reacted.  [Cerie] Evil Cyrus: a threat jup would be proud of [Penelope] the only valid lee ❤️ reacted.  [Cyrus] QUIT SNITCHIN MFKER: thats fair

Jupiter doesn’t mind, just this once, that history, in it’s own twisted way, repeats itself. If both of them look a little too pleased, a little too rumpled, no-one comments; it’s in the spirit of the film after all.

[daydreamsofh]

Dreamy MC Profile

I was tagged by my favorite girl @oh-honey-styles​ for the Dreamy MC to answer some questions! These are so much fun and did I freak out when Anne tagged me in something for writers?????? The answer is yes. Thank you for the tag sweets! 

Also, our Dreamy girl’s profile was a little vague, (mainly because we were focusing on Harry like usual for the duration of the piece ajskkasksjd) but maybe this could open the door for more of these two! 

Rules: Choose a couple of favourite photos/gifs of your character, copy and paste the questions down below, answer as if you’re the character that’s been tagged, and then tag some characters/authors you would love to see answer next! (BTW, you’re also allowed to tag an author again if they have more than one character you want to answer these questions!)

1. If you weren’t doing what you’re doing now (work/study), what would you be doing instead? If I didn’t have the job that I do now, I would definitely want to be in a position to be my own boss, Harry has always said I’m good in charge (minds out of the gutter, people!! Although *wink wink*) and in a crisis, and I think I could make a real impact in my area of work. 

2. If you could change one thing you did or didn’t say in the past, what would it be? You probably guessed it, but I would have told Harry how I felt from the start. As happy and in disbelief that we actually are together now, I think about how much time we wasted not being together. Our friends would probably argue that we’ve technically always been together, friends don’t look at each other the way that Harry and I do, or ever did. But technically part of that is on him, the dude wrote me a novel of love letters and notes for literally YEARS, and the man couldn’t just have given one of those to me at some point?! Mailed me one? Slipped one under my favorite coffee mug? Sent one by carrier pigeon? He could have given a very dramatic Grey’s Anatomy style monologue of one to me, but noooo. I had to go make myself look like a weepy fool (which I am aware I am, sue me) and blurt every feeling I have ever had about him out. 

3. What’s one personal secret you haven’t told a soul? That I have actually told Harry how I felt about him, plenty of times before. I mean he was asleep on my couch but he was laying in my lap, zonked out, drooling on my leg, but I may or may not have whispered that I love him over and over again. Holding my breath everytime his breathing changed, terrified that he had heard me. He sleeps like a polar bear so thankfully he never heard me, but we had a few close calls. 

4. If your mum texted you right now, how would that make you feel? Since I told her that Harry and I are finally together, she has been over the freakin moon. She had already sniffed it out once I called her and I was practically singing while I was talking. She asks me for pictures of Harry everytime she knows we’re together. She has a plethora of nicknames for him, which started out long before we were together. I’ve never been able to really keep anything from her before, so she knew about Harry from the start. 

5. Have you pictured your future? If so, what does it look like? Hmm, right now I would say my future looks a lot like what I have right now. Maybe one day being my own boss, having a garden the size of Texas, maybe some curly headed babies down the road…. Okay definitely some curly haired babies down the road. 

6. What is your Zodiac sign and do you agree with it? Gemini, and yes. I’m all over the place, emotional to an embarrassing degree, and really hard on myself, all the time. 

 7. Do you use social media? If so, what kinds of things do you post? If not, why not? Most definitely! Mainly pictures of flowers, pretty spaces, and my adorable baby cousins and some of the rest of my family. And maybe some concert pictures here and there. 

8. Who’s the most important person to you? Other than my Mom, Sam is a close second. He’s been a constant in my life since we met years ago, and he believes in me a lot more than I believe in myself. 

9. What are your interests and hobbies? I’ve always loved being outside and in my garden, love shopping, and spending any time I have left from work with my family. And with a certain someone. 

10. Have you ever been in love? Why/Why not? Do I even need to answer this one?? I think I have proved many embarrassingly, over the top times, that yes I have been. And still am. Always will be. I better get an album written about me next though. 

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 8

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non-con, male!rape, injury, violence, description of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self-harm, panic attacks, implied female non-con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!Jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chapter Warnings*** This Chapter isn’t AS bad as the previous two. Light language, nightmare, description of being ill (sort of), Angst, I think that’s it.

Word Count: 1993

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Jared x Reader

A/N: Anyway, all mistakes are mine, please don’t copy my work, Feedback is golden. If you want to be added to the series tag list, or my tag list just let me know! I hope you enjoy this one. This is something I actually did and witness, and I realize this one might be hard to read because it is a little heavy. 

Summary: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter your course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getting through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

After getting him cleaned up and fed Jensen seemed to be having one the best days he’d had since he was admitted into the hospital. He was more than ready to get home, but the doctors convinced him to stay one more night in the hospital just to monitor him and make sure his pain level was managed. 

Personally, you think they were watching his mental state, but you couldn’t be sure.

Jared and yourself had decided that Jared would go home tonight since he'd been in the hospital for three days, and you would stay tonight with Jensen so that he wasn’t alone. After a quick trip home to grab your overnight bag, you were right back at the hospital, and Jared had left the night. 

Jensen did look some better. His color had returned a little, probably thanks to the fact that he was eating and drinking now. He was talking, even throwing a few smart ass comments over the phone at Misha when he called earlier that day to check on him. Physically he seemed to be improving, and now had the ability to at least work through the normal motions it took to function.

Still, he'd never smiled, and that zoned out distant look was still on his face. He still wasn't letting anyone touch him. He'd been getting up, and walking around the room some on his own now that he knew he could, but he wouldn’t venture down the hallway in fear someone would recognize him. Determined not to give the doctors any reason to keep him in here another day. 

Every step he made he would wince, and a low whimper would escape him like every muscle in his body was still pretty sore. You wished he would just sit down and rest, but honestly, he didn't look much more comfortable sitting down either. He was just miserable the whole way around.

His major complaint seemed to be back pain, which the doctor said would ease up in time.

This was the first time you'd ever been alone with Jensen at all. In the studio, the two of you were surrounded by your coworkers. In the hospital, over the past three days, Jared was here. Now it was just the two of you, you were more than a little nervous about it….

After that conversation in the bathroom this morning you didn't really know where the two of you stood. You sure as hell weren't gonna bring it up. He was being corrigible, and even though he still hadn’t let anyone touch him, as far as you were concerned you weren’t even going to try, he didn’t like you being out of eyesight for too long. He really didn’t want to be alone, and you couldn’t blame him, after all he’d gone through, you probably wouldn’t be alone either.

About three hours after Jared had left things seemed to be moving more comfortably than you anticipated. A comfortable silence had fallen over the room after you finally convinced Jensen to sit down and rest a little while. You could tell he was a little more sore than he was when he took a shower this morning. Even though moving around was a good thing, it wasn’t going to do him any favors if he overdid it.

He was slightly dozing on and off watching a football game on TV while you and Jared were texting trying to figure out what to do with him once he left the hospital. He couldn't stay alone, both of you knew that. The thing would be convincing him of that. Because he was determined when he left the hospital to go home.

------------------------

Jared: He could come and stay with Gen and me. The only thing is I don't know how to explain to the kids what's wrong with Uncle Jensen, and on top of that he won't let me touch him. I can't help him. 

You: He's been dozing on and off since I convinced him to sit the hell down. He's pretty weak and sorer than he was this morning. If he tries to stay by himself he's gonna end up hurting himself. He's not gonna stay at this hospital another day. He’s had enough of being here. 

Jared: Jay always has been stubborn. He doesn't like to seem weak. I'm surprised you convinced him to sit down and relax at all. Once he figured out he was allowed to move around the room I was sure you were in for a night of pacing Jensen. lol. Keep a close eye on his pain level. Soreness they said was going to be a problem for him for quite a while to come.

-------------------------

You sat there staring at your phone. You could let him stay with you. 

You had already text Steve earlier that day and asked for your week's vacation to start Monday. He knew that you were coming up here every day with Jensen so he didn't fight you on it. The apartment was just a small studio apartment with only one bed. Jensen may not be willing to stay there even if you slept on the couch. You were sure he was used to much more nice and extravagant living arrangements. Still, maybe it was worth a shot.

----------------------------

You: I have a suggestion, but I don't know if he would go through with it. 

Jared: Okay, what's your suggestion?

You: I put in for my week's vacation yesterday. I don't have to be back to work at all this week. He could come to stay at my apartment. It's just a small studio apartment, but I'll let him have the bed. I have no problem sleeping on the couch. Jensen may not want to do that though. I'm not sure if he would even be willing to stay with me at all. 

Jared: I think it's a good idea. You're close to the hospital, and you're off the radar. No one knows who you are. That will keep the media at bay. They have found out he was attacked and is recovering. That's all they need to know. Him staying with you would keep his recovery private. 

Jared: Why do you think he wouldn't want to stay with you?

You: I don't know. I don't know how he feels about me. 

Jared: Are you blind? The dude has it pretty bad for you. You're the only one that he'll let touch him. Hell, he let you give him a damn shower today! Plus all the hell he was giving you before he was attacked. The way he looked at you and watched you the whole time he was recording. I've known Jensen  a while. The two of you in my opinion need to spend some alone time together. It's settled he will be staying with you. We will tell him in the morning. 

You: Okay. I hope you're right. I don't want to upset him or piss him off.

Jared: It will be fine , trust me. You guys get some rest. 

-----------------------------

You look over at Jensen who was now in a pretty deep sleep lying in the bed next to your chair you check to make sure he’s comfortable before moving over to the couch and make yourself as comfortable as possible in the small space.

“How the hell did Jared's tall ass sleep on this thing?” you think to yourself as you make yourself a little makeshift bed out of a pillow and blanket that the nurses had left for you. Once you were settled you lay there on your side facing Jensen, watching his face twitch slightly in his sleep. It was just so damn hard to take your eyes off of him.

You know you have feelings for this man, you know that whatever this is between the two of you is anything but simple, and you'll probably be working things out between the two of you when you're both in your 90's, but right now; even though you know you can't you just wish you could wish all this away from him. Make it like it never happened.

With all that on your mind, you fall into an uneasy sleep. You don't know how long you were out before the sound of strangled screaming woke you up. Sitting straight up you see Jensen is ridged in the bed, fist balled up so tight his knuckles are white, screaming through gritted teeth in his sleep. 

Jumping your feet you start trying to shake him awake. Jared never said he was having nightmares. Why didn’t he tell you it was this bad?

Waking up with another loud, inhuman scream Jensen sat straight up in the bed more quickly than his body liked with his fractured ribs. His hand shot to his side, and his eyes searched the room as he tried to get a grip on his surroundings. Sweat formed on his face and neck as he came back to reality.

"Jensen... Hey, you back with me?" you ask, wanting more than anything just to reach out and touch his face, let him know you were there for him.

Jensen's eyes finally found yours, panting like he'd run a race. Sweat was now rolling down his face and his color was slightly green.

 "I'm gonna throw up," he said, and you leaned down and brought the small trash can between the couch and the bed up to his mouth just in time. 

He sat there emptying his stomach violently into the trash can. Without thinking, because you couldn't just sit there and watch, you reached over and started running your hand gently up and down his back. 

He either was too sick to care, too weak to move, or didn't mind because he didn't jerk away. 

When he was finally done you got up from the side of his bed and sat the trash can out in the hall for the nurses to find it. Then go quickly into the bathroom and dampen a washcloth with cool water. Jensen just sat there still breathing heavily, and looking down at his covered legs. 

"You okay? Are you still nauseous? Do I need to call the nurse?" you asked, sitting back down next to him, and gently wiping his face and neck with the cool rag you’d retrieved from the bathroom before returning to his bed.

"No, don't go get anyone I'll be okay," he said, not trying to stop you at all. Which was a relief but concerned you at the same time. 

What he did next surprised you. 

After taking a small sip of the water you handed him from his bedside table, he leaned down and put his head on your shoulder obviously exhausted. You froze, not sure what to do. You didn’t want to do the wrong thing and freak him out.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" you asked him, experimentally running your fingers through his short tasseled hair.

 "No," was all he said, nuzzling his face deeper into your shoulder. His body shook slightly as you sat there with him. You didn't have to have him talk to you to guess what the nightmare was about. Still, he was apparently looking for some sort of comfort, or he wouldn’t be sitting here like this.

Laying the two of you back against the bed you stayed there with him like that for the rest of the night. He seemed to feel a little safer because after about an hour of laying there saying nothing he dozed back off. 

You lay there still running your fingers through his hair. Grateful that he was letting you touch him. You still didn't know where the two of you stood. Right now though that didn't matter. What mattered was that he needed you. So right now you would be whatever he needed. The rest would come later... Or it wouldn't... Right now though you couldn't think about that. It didn't matter. What mattered was putting this broken man sleeping on your shoulder, now snoring softly, back together again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[someone-always-cares]

[image description: a q&a for the webcomic someone always cares. full desc under the cut because its long and wordy sorry]

post chapter 3 Q&A

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thanks for yalls questions!! it was fun to answer! if anyone still has questions feel free to ask whenever i am always 100% down to ramble. even if i did go slightly off topic in some answers

additional: went off topic with the hair question a bit. their bright hair is all part of the transformations. regular hair dye does exist though. best way to tell is that if the eyebrow matches the hair its probably not dyed. also, quartz’s hair is naturally ginger.

also for more on ages, check out the character bios here

also was gonna keep this in the tags but thought i might as well actually try to answer it: the question i found it hardest to answer was someone the song one. my taste in music is. a mess really. ive been listening to like the same 5 songs on repeat all day. more under the cut because i was rambling again and now its uhhh half 1am

if it helps at the time of answering that specific question i had home by cavetown on repeat, and that song reminds me of both rami and lewis. but that may be because i project onto those two a lot, and as a aro trans dude. who sucks with people skills, yeah of course i love that song.

specifically the vibes of like not knowing how to communicate (rami is fine with his friends but other people are different), the lines “ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place, Has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane” idk what the porcelain face line is supposed to mean but im picturing it as like. a mask. that you need to take off and stop hiding and rami does tend to hide when hes feeling upset, and the next two lines kinda could tie into that, like the feeling of when youre overwhelemed and just want the world to stop so you just hide somewhere. also the colours could go with chapter 3 with the chromatic abberation.

also the bit with “ my eyes went dark, I don't know where, my pupils are, But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here” just kinda sums up ramis whole hero thing with his powers and all. anyway this has turned into less what songs rami would like and why this particular song reminds me of him and lewis (lewis specifically has the hair cutting/chest hiding, [big transmasc mood], and also messy haired trainwreck who doesnt know who he is yet. also the ghosts bit)

i did end up picking upbeat songs because ramis a dude who like to try and be upbeat even if things arent. even if hes not really feeling it he will pretend to.

[full description: Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: “hi ily!!! do characters like quartz who have colored hair have that naturally or did they dye it?”

“its both natural and not! while most supers can do a magical girl ish transformation, including a change in hair colour, there are some exceptions.”

theres two small full body drawings of rami, one in civilian clothes, one fully transformed.

“if a superhero were to have a biological child, the child will inherit the powers of the parent(s). however, the child will not inherit the full transfromation. they do inherit any physical transformations, but not the outfit.”

theres a drawing of a woman in blue, quartz’s mother, fully transformed, holding her mask in her hand, smiling down at a much younger quartz as a child. hes smiling back up at her with the same blue eyes, pointy ears, and blue hair, but hes still in normal clothes.

“in the case of quartz, both of hisparents had superpowers, and he inherited those powers and the physical transformations.he can also pick and mix whatphysical traits to change.“

next is a headshot of adult quartz, his face split down the middle with one side having hair and eye like his mother, the other like his father. theres a list of traits from each parents, blue hair and eyes and pointy ears from his mum, and purple hair and eyes and pointy teeth from their dad.

 “Anonymous said to someone-always-cares:  Are all the characters the same age? If not, how old are they? Are they irl friends or just superhero friends?”

theres some headshots of rami and his team lined up with ages labelled: cam is 15, rami himself is 17, lin, mateo, and dante, are all 18, and cap is 20.

“rami and xandra were somewhat friends before she got superpowers, so when, after the incident with her old team, she found rami had developed powers, xandra stuck close to him. their other teamates started off as superhero friends but soon turned into irl friends too”

theres a headshot of lewis and jade. theyre both 17

“when lewis first decided to start being a vigilante,jade quickly found him and decided to help train himand offered to be a mentor of sorts, as they both have similar powers. that quickly derailed.”

“ cinder5555 said to someone-always-cares: How long does it usually take to make a comic page? I'm curious because they're so freaking good that they must take FOREVER”

theres a drawing of myself, a fluffy hair tired bastard in a hoodie, smiling

“Thanks! Ive been doing this shit since like 2017 and i still have no idea how long it takes me. i can get a page done in a day if i have nothing else to do or if its a simple page, but if i have work then maybe 2-3 days? i spend like, most of my free time doing this.“

another drawing of me, now looking frustrated muttering “how the FUCK does time work”

“but i can never do it all on one sitting.i will inevitably get distracted and zone out daydreaming mid drawing so its very hard to get an accurate read on how long it takes. so however long a piece of string is i guess“

the only qustion not from tumblr is a discord message from RuneStone Cabin:

“Q: Can you talk about the incidence of superpowers in this world? Like many people are supers, which powers are more or less common, how long they've been a thing for, stuff like that. Also does Omen know I'd die for them “

theres a drawing of omen pointing at a date circled on a calender marked “decembuary”, theyre saying “i know. i already wrote your death in my calender.”

then a giant wall of text reading: “Supers have only existed for a relativly short time, since the early 1940s. momento mori was the second person to have ever gained powers.

Only a small number of the population are supers! the chances are higher in more populated cities, but unusally london has oneof the higher percentages of supers. while nobody in universe has any idea of the origins of superpowers, it does seem that powers are more likely to occur in people who would actually use their powers.

as for what powers are most common, after making a badly catagorized spreadsheet of every superpowered character ive made for this world (70% of which will probably never even be seen), turns out that elemental powers are the most common. although not all elemental powers manifest as the straight up 'controling this element' as seen in characters like lin or tsunami. for example, iris's powers would fall under shadow elemntal powers, but theyre a lot more weird that just controlling shadows.there are some abilities that have never been seen before,such as ressurection or full on time travel (aka anything that could bring a character back to life), but powers are certainly allowed to toe the line eg healing, powers involving undeath, immortality, pausing or manipulating time.

aside from that, anything goes. you could get plain old superstrength, but you could also get the ability to create dogs with your mind. other not quite rules, more guidelines are that supers are immune to their own powers hurting them (unless they were pushing themselves too hard), although the way the imminuties occur may be inconvinient to the super.

while some powers may be 'more powerful' than others, powers dont really get to be way underpowered or overpowered in comparision to others. sure being able to talk to animals may feel a bit useless compared to someone who can lift 4 tanks at once, but nobodys going to end up with a power like 'can turn into a goose but only once' or 'can grow toenails twice as fast' or 'if i sneeze i can change my hair colour'. at the same time, youre not going to get someone with the power to snap their fingers and level a city, or instantly blow up the moon or whatever.

“Anonymous said to someone-always-cares: I love rami PLEASE tell me his favorite song(s) and why. I will die for you”

a drawing of rami saying out loud “i dont really have any specific favourite song, really? i just listen to whatever sounds catchy and then listen to that on repeat for hours until i hate it. i guess i do like upbeat songs? ones that make you feel happy even if the lyrics are sad”

“ un1c0rnhh said to someone-always-cares: tell me,,, please,, cam,,, are they a cat person or a dog person?? ily"

theres a drawing of cam a metre away from a cat lying down. she has her arm out and is making ‘psspsspss’ noises at it. end id]

FUCK i am so glad i didnt hand write all of that, it would have been a major pain in the ass to write it all and then have to transcribe all that next. but nope i could directly copy paste the asks and word answers. cheers if anyone made it this far down. if anyone wonders why this is uploaded late, you know now.

[sharkfish]

ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition part 2)

(part 1)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too:

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post)

Best Laid Plans by Persephoneshadow

Things are going well for Dean: he's landed the biggest design job of his architectural career and is about to get final approval on the project despite how difficult the development company, personified by Castiel Novak, has made it. It's not bad for a moody omega...except things are also going terribly for Dean because he has to get in a plane and fly to a meeting, and course ends up in heat a few hours before. Luckily, Castiel is there to help and both men discover the good that can come when nothing goes quite as intended.

i don’t know why i’m such a ho for stories where dean thinks cas hates him, but cas secretly adores him and is just a little “rusty” on his “people skills.” i’m also a ho for stories where dean is a gd skilled genius but his dumb ass still thinks his work sucks and/or anything good is due to other people instead of himself. and also, heat boning. 

Confessions of a Cam Boy by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)

Dean runs a cam show to pay his way through marketing school, but he's about to start an internship that he doesn't know will change his life. Watching Dean's show is Castiel's favorite way to wind down after a stressful day at Sandover Bridge & Iron. When Cas comes to work one day and finds his favorite cam boy setting coffee on his desk, he is completely thrown. Will Dean finish his internship without knowing his favorite viewer is his new boss, or will he be able to see through Cas' non-existent poker face and figure it out?

omg poor cas is soooo awkward and dean is weirded out about how much his new boss seems to dislike him and then it’s super sexy >:) 

For Science by shiphitsthefan

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

everyone is such adorable nerds in this one. it’s a fic about rimming, but it’s also about love and discovering yourself and acceptance. it explores cas’s realization through his connection with dean that he’s not straight up ace but more grey/demi - and that doesn’t mean he was “faking” being ace up until he met dean. 

Friends with Benefits with Tentacles by andimeantittosting (Saylee)

Dean's never been embarrassed about his porn collection before, but that was before he found Cas holding his prized copy of Sweet Princess Asuka and the Tentacles of Pleasure. Dean finds himself sweating bullets—because this is Cas, sweet, nerdy Cas. Cas, his friend. Cas, his roommate. Cas, his—only slightly out-of-control—crush.

Cas, with his big, blue eyes and muscular arms and perpetual sex hair.

Cas, with his tentacles.

The last thing he expects is for Cas to suggest they experiment together.

there are not enough tentacle fics out there and i 100000% approve of this addition to the tag. i love that dean is out there legitimately studying porn, and the tentacles are obviously super fun, and there were parts where my heart hurt so bad, all around a damn fine fic. 

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity

Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine.

When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

i LOVE this fic (series). i feel so hard for dean feeling like he’s too old for his life to still be a mess, but i also felt sad for him that he thought he had to make all these hardcore changes - basically turn himself into a different person - to be worthy of cas’s attentions. i fucking adore cas in this, and i nearly cried just thinking about all the damn peppers they eat, and i want to read it again right now. 

If I Run by Anonymous

"Dean Winchester is a red-blooded American male. He lifts all the things. He aims for functional strength. He counts his macros and makes fun of curlbros. He is not a member of the Tarahumara tribe and he will not read Born to Run, no matter how many times Sam tells him to, because Starting Strength is the only book Dean will ever fucking need."

***

Wherein a friendly competition with the mysterious ThursdaysAngel turns into a sexy selfie-trading spree that motivates Dean Winchester to train for his first marathon.

i really really love this fic and reread it pretty often tbh. it only became “anonymous” pretty recently and i’m so curious about why!! regardless, this fic is a really great time!!! 

It's Always More Than Once (Before It Takes) by squeemonster

The first time it happens, it's because of boredom. Or, at least that's what Dean tells himself to justify it. Boredom and Dean Winchester are a dangerous combination, especially when you factor in beer, a raging libido, and laziness.

dean: my dudes, is it gay to do sexy stuff with your male bff? cuz i’m totally straight. but also, having sex with my male bff. 

I Wanna Get Outside (Of Me) by emwebb17

Dean is a novice in the dom/sub world asked by his employer as a desperate last resort to be a sub for his recluse of a brother, Castiel. Castiel is a diagnosed OCD suffering from PTSD and agoraphobia, mysophobia, and dystychiphobia. Needless to say—he’s a mess who hasn’t stepped out of his home in literally seven years. The only times Gabriel can see traces of the way his brother used to be is when he feels in control—specifically when he has control over a sub. However, due to his idiosyncrasies and paranoia, keeping a sub around has been impossible. Enter Dean, who’s not a very traditional submissive, to try his hand at subbing for the hermit.

you know how sometimes you read a fic, and it takes ages to get yourself out of that world? even though you’re finished, you’re still right there with him? this is one of those fics. i reread it a couple weeks ago and fell asleep thinking about it last night. i cry a lot reading this one. 

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits

Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality.

Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

there aren’t a lot of stories that deal with themes of mental illness, and a lot of them read like an episode of degrassi where everything wraps up in 30min to never be discussed again. this story is honest in that there’s no easy out. there’s medication and therapy and supportive people, but that’s not always enough. it’s a story about how you don’t have to be mentally ill to be fucked up, and while people can’t fix each other, they can help each other. content note: references to a pre-story suicide attempt. 

Oddly Shaped Empty by jemariel

Dean grew up thinking -- knowing -- he'd be an alpha.

Until he failed to present. As a beta, he has no mating cycle, no noticeable pheromones, none of the physical markers that are so important in a world of alphas and omegas. He's out of place. How is he supposed to navigate his relationships and find love when he doesn't fit into the neatly-defined boxes he's used to?

By the time he meets his new roommate, Castiel, he's more or less given up on finding a mate. He wears his secondary gender like a chip on his shoulder. But you never know what the future holds, who will come into your life, and how they might change it forever.....

Queer themes, finding identity, reconciling the past, and a whole lot of smut.

y’all know @jemariel is a gd genius, but i’m particularly obsessed with their fics that use abo to explore queer identify & experiences. i hold my breath reading most of this fic and also cry. 

Steal my Breath by Sincestiel

“Tighter, Dean, please,” Cas urges throwing his head back to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean squeezes. He doesn’t know why Cas wants this or even what the appeal is, but he always comes harder when he’s struggling to breathe.

what’s on the tin. a quick lil breathplay fic that is thoroughly enjoyable. 

Unsolicited by Dangerousnotbroken

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

this is a destiel classic and i feel like anyone who isn’t new here has probably read it. but here’s your reminder that this is a great fic and you should (re)read it. 

Wordplay by Dangerousnotbroken @dangerousnotbroken​

“I don’t understand why talking dirty is such a big deal for you humans,” Cas complains, apropos of nothing.

it’s a “cas learning about sex” and also dirty talk, which are both things i’m really into!! and DNB is a genius so that’s even better. 

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :)

[vuure]

Embrace your past and get to know your friends’ fandom origins!

Rules: Post gifs of your fandoms / ships starting with your most current hyperfixation and work backwards. (Bonus points if you share any stories about how or when you got into that ship! But not necessary!!) Then tag anyone whose fandom history you’d like to learn about!

 @ilackallhonour​ has tagged me in this, and usually I’m really bad at actually joining in, but this one really got me thinking back on all my old fandoms and hyperfixations. I didn’t really do shipping until a few years ago, might have something to do with my recently discovered ace-ness :’)

I always had fantasies that I was part of the world of that particular hyperfixation at time. Of course very heroic and awesome, and very close to my favorite character. Alas, real life is disappointing in that regard.

Merlin/Arthur, I never watched the show when it first came out. Mostly because I can be a bit stubborn and when a lot of people keep telling me that I should totally watch something because I will love it, I refuse to watch it. Don’t know why I’m like that. Turned out, I totally did love it, and binged it like crazy. Also shipped Arthur/Merlin like crazy. Was really disappointed in the ending, and thus, turned to fic. For me, when I’m really obsessed with a show or book I just cannot let go and will read fic until eventually my fixation dies out.

The Umbrella Academy, I don’t really ship anyone, except maybe bromances, and their sibling relationships (Five and Vanya <3 Klaus and Diego <3<3). Man, I love this show, I binged it when it first came out, immediately watched again, got other people to watch it, and watched it again so I could talk to them about it some more. Of course turned to fic, but got a bit eww-ed out, because there was a lot of shipping going on and I didn’t dig it (too each their own, though).

Black Sails, uuuugh I can’t with this show. @Ilackallhonour actually got me curious about it because all the stuff she posted and reblogged. And damn, was it a life changer. I’ve always had a bit of a weird obsession with ships and that time period, but more from Dutch, and VOC perspective. Still, the setting immediately hooked me in, but I really stayed for the story, the characters…Silver. Oh damn. And Silver/Flint, oh double damn.

Sterek. Really, I can’t even say I liked Teen Wolf that much, although I did enjoy the first few seasons. But I stayed for every glimpse of Sterek I could catch. The first time Derek shoved Stiles into the wall I was screaming at my TV, NO WAY there are no people shipping that. Dude, that’s so canon it hurts! But well, the show turned into a big dumpster fire, and I found the online fandom. Got an AO3 account just so I could bookmark and comment and give out kudos so my favorite Sterek fic. And there are tons of fics. I can admit it, I was an addict. I can’t go on AO3 without drowning back in fandom hell, so I keep off it. Really, it was a problem. I was reading fic ALLLL the time. When I should’ve been working, sleeping, socializing, etc. Followed so many Sterek blogs on Tumblr, but wanted my sanity back so unfollowed them all. Sorry @andavs​, I still love your blog, and your art, and your fics sooooo much, but it was too big of a problem *sigh*

Harry Potter, of course. My favorite character was Fred, and got very upset when people tried to convince me he was exactly the same as George. NO HE ISN’T! He’s the idea guy!! Lol. It’s been a while since I’ve read the books, and not sure how much of that is true anymore. Back then I didn’t really do shipping, but now I’m a Drarry shipper, haha. The fics are just so goooood.

Gilmore Girls, duuuude. This show shaped my life. Every time I’m one a re-watch I’m like…oh thát’s where I got that from! I copied character traits and sense of humor and stuff into my own personality. Didn’t like the new episodes much, but that won’t destroy my love for the Gilmores.

Veronica Mars, same as with Gilmore Girls really. Huge impact on my life. Love the snarkiness, and yeah did have some ships in there. Actually did like the new season (though I hated the movie), but they did LoVe dirty man.

I should put Supernatural in this list too, although I feel like I abandoned the show and am not a true fan. I was obsessed with it for so long though. Those first seasons were so great, I loved the relationship between Dean and Sam (in a platonic, totally brotherly way because I do not like incest-y things) and the normal everyday hunting things part of the show. But than all the demons and angels en Gods came and I got a bit tired of the endless cycle of dying and being brought back to life, evil turned to good turned to evil turned to good thing. I’m of the opinion that shows should have an end. Just like three or four seasons, tops. Just finish it with a good, solid ending. Don’t drag it along until it dies an ugly death.

And now unto some total different things, that shaped my childhood. Hard to find a GIF for these books, but what is fandom without some cool art ^_^

 Tomorrow when the war began, by John Marsden. I was obsessed with these books, and read them over and over again, even now I’m not tired of them and could get lost in them before I finished the first page.

Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan. This series really got me into the fantasy genre back then. I had no idea of any of the fantasy cliché’s, or Arthur legends yet, so I wasn’t tired yet of all the same old tropes. I find it a lot harder now to read them, but back then I saved money to be able to buy them as soon as a new one came out, and re-read the entire series up till that point before I read the new one.

Cats the (broadway) musical. Me and my little sister watched the movie version of this show over and over again, every time focused on a different cat. We knew all the lyrics, we knew all the cats. We knew every little thing there was of them to know. We named our black cat (we ..I demanded a black cat) Misty, for Mistyfollees (she’s a girl you see, so we couldn’t name her Mistofollees). I even wrote some fic for it, haha.

(note: I tried really hard to find another GIF but there’s none) Elfquest, oooh Elfquest. This was my truest and biggest obsession, I think. I created my own elf characters, joined online RPG forums to write stories about our own characters, met up with other fans, dressed like a favorite character. A lot of the friends I have now, I met at those forums. I’m still low-key trying to collect the better-looking English paperbacks of the series, but am in no hurry to finish it, and don’t really read them anymore anyway. And my ship? Skywise/anyone, haha. I love Skywise so damn much. And his and Cutter’s relationship is everything (who’s Leetah? Fuck Leetah).

Tagging @stormnyk​ @andavs​  (I tagged you already anyway, sorry ;p) @imperfectimpostor96​

[simmonsofshield]

Reassignment

Part 1/1

Pairing: none Characters: Kate Beckett, Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito, Jemma Simmons, Philip Coulson

Summary: Amidst clean up after the Battle of New York, things happen and Officer Y/N ends up in the quinjet’s medical bay.

Words: 1900+

A/N:  Unplanned, but I guess in honor of my url change, Jemma has a small feature in this fic! This was originally gonna be a copy-paste of one of my fics from wattpad, but then I wanted to make it more accurate to New York so 98% of this is new writing. So much for trying to cut corners. 🤷😂 Loose tie-ins of Agents of SHIELD and Castle. (Characters, not really the shows..) Canonically, Skye (Daisy) wouldn’t have her powers yet, but my story my rules lol. So she does. Three weeks late (I was suppose to post this on the 1st), but at least I got it done, right? This is for @fanfictionaries​‘s classic trope challenge. I chose police au. Takes place after Avengers.

Police codes key: 12-David-19 [Precinct # - city section - police car id] used 9th precinct as reference 10-50 Disorderly (group, person, noise) non-crime 10-10 Possible crime (many tags, the one i use is P, suspicious person/prowler)

“Here’s what’s going on today,” Captain Beckett begins, “it’s been almost six months since the Battle of New York. Midtown South is still asking for help with crowd control and patrol of the area, as most of their officers are helping with clean up. I told them the 12th Precinct is happy to help as long as it doesn’t interfere with our daily patrols. Today they’re only asking for two, so Ryan and Esposito, it’s on you today. Just make sure no weirdos or teens with sticky fingers try to get in the rubble.”

“Yes Captain.”

“L/N, my office, please.”

You look at her with surprise, then over to the boys. Ryan is the first to speak, rolling his eyes, “Of course. Little Y/N getting special treatment once again. I bet you’re getting put on a really cool case. You know, she’s basically training you to be a mini her.”

You roll your eyes back at him, “Sounds like you’re just jealous because I rose to this rank in half the time it took you.”

“Ooooo...” Esposito calls from his desk, “want some ice for that burn?”

“Shut up,” he mumbles as he slumps back in his chair.

You laugh as you walk to Beckett’s office, the door being closed behind you. You start to get worried when she starts shutting the blinds too. “Captain?”

She sets a file in front of you and begins explaining. “Though Kevin was joking, he wasn’t wrong. You have impressed me since you came here from the academy. You were the youngest to be promoted to detective, and your persistence hasn’t gone unnoticed. Which is why I think you’re perfect for this particular assignment.”

She nods to the file, and you pick it up, opening it. Your brows furrow at the first page and you look back up at her, “I don’t understand. Philip Coulson died on a helicarrier before the attack on New York even happened. Didn’t Loki kill him or whatever?”

“Originally, yes.”

“Originally?”

“Most if it is redacted and classified, but what was released - specifically for you in this file, turn the page - was that some experimental tech was used and more or less brought him back to life.”

You read exactly that as she says it, but you’re left with more questions than answers with every page turn. “What do you mean specifically for me? How many people know he’s alive?”

She blows out some air, sitting down at her desk to look you in the eye, “Only SHIELD level 7 and above. We are of only a few civilians that know. This cannot leave this room. The only others that know are ones that will be a part of this team that Agent Coulson is putting together alongside Agent Maria Hill and Director Fury.”

Again, more questions. “But...I’m a homicide detective...not SHIELD...” You pause for a moment as you try to form a question with all the information that is now in your mind, “Why me?” is what you come up with.

She shrugs, “That’s a question for Coulson or Hill. I can’t answer it. You’ll work today but after that you’ll be with SHIELD and Coulson,” she nods back to the file, “I suggest you finish reading through that tonight.” She stands up and walks toward the door.

“I’m sorry, Captain, one last question,” she lets go of the door handle and turns around, “what does all this mean for this job? Am I like fired or something?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” she says with a smile, “Agent Hill and I already discussed the technicalities, but basically what will be said is that you’re going undercover with SHIELD for a big operation and you’ll be gone for a few weeks. Which, really, isn’t that much of a lie.”

You nodded, somewhat understanding, “Yes, ma’am. See you in a few weeks, I guess.”

She also nods, smiling, “Likewise, detective.”

Nearing the end of your shift, you’re about to head back to the station when there’s an aggravated call on the scanner. “10-50. These crowds are getting out of hand. More officers needed in Midtown near Grand Central.”

You go back and forth in your head for a moment before deciding to respond, “Dispatch, add 12-David-19 to that 10-50 call. En route from East Village. ETA about 20 minutes.” You turn on your lights and try to get there as fast as you can.

Arriving on scene, you park about four blocks away, at Park and 38th, which is as close as you can get with all the rubble and destroyed buildings. This is the main drag of where most of the Avenger’s fight happened. It’s no surprise that half of New York is here to see the damage, even six months later.

Now on foot, you’re about halfway to Grand Central Station when you hear the breaking of glass and catch some suspicious activity out of the corner of your eye. You follow, talking into your radio, “This is 12-David-19. I’ve got a 10-10P. Kids breaking windows of businesses. It doesn’t look like they’ve stolen anything yet. I’m going to keep an eye on them. Requesting one or two officers for backup if anyone can leave Grand Central Station. 40th street, headed NorthEast.”

You casually follow at a distance until all of a sudden, “Whoa, dudes, check this out!” One of the kids picks up a weapon of some sort. Clearly not of this world and from the Battle, you’re 99% sure. He poses with it and one of his friends takes a picture of him with their phone. “I wonder what this button does.”

“Ahh!” Whatever came out of the weapon hits you directly in the shoulder and you fall to the ground. This is the first time the group of kids notice your presence. They fight for a moment, deciding whether to run or help. A groan from you cuts their argument short and most leave, while two stay.

By what you can tell with your blurry vision, they seem to be brothers. The one walking towards you is clearly friends with the ones that fled, while the other is younger. If you had to guess, you’d say early high school, 14-16, and 12ish for their ages.

You grab your radio and talk into it softly. Hopefully someone will be able to hear you. “Ambulance needed at location of 10-10. Officer down, shot with some sort of alien weapon.”

The older one kneels beside you and takes off his shirt, wrapping it around your wound, attempting to make a tourniquet. You let out a raspy laugh. It’s not quite right, but you appreciate the attempt. “You seem to know what you’re doing.”

You can see the fear still on his face but he smiles nonetheless, “I’ve seen a few medical shows. I think this is right.”

“Anything to slow the bleeding. You’re doing good. What’s your name?”

“Derek Saunders. Am I going to jail?”

“N-no, why would you think that?”

“My friend shot you. Aren’t I an accessory or whatever?”

You shake your head, “You watch cop shows too?” you joke.

“My dad’s a cop. He’s helping at Grand Central right now.”

You cough out another laugh. How convenient. You’re about to tell him to call his dad on your radio when you hear another blast. It feels like it happens in slow motion. You watch as the burst of energy goes up at an angle and hits the building next to where you’re laying. You hear the boy yell something in the opposite direction, you’re assuming at his brother, who most likely got curious and picked up the alien weapon. You see the huge pieces of building falling towards you and Derek.

You let out a scream, though you’re not sure how loud it is due to your blood loss and how tired you’re getting. You close your eyes, knowing the inevitable is going to happen, and just waiting for it. You feel the ground rumble and try to open your eyes to understand what's going on, but you can’t.

Your world goes black.

You wake up to the sound of steady beeping. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the brightness of the fluorescent lights, but once you do you begin to panic. You know this is medical equipment and you’re in a room of some sort, but you’re not sure, something doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t seem like a hospital room.

You hear the whooshing of an automatic door sliding open. “It’s okay, officer. No need to panic. You are in great hands.” A pleasant British voice says to you. It does put you at ease a little.

The brunette seems to be taking your vitals or something at the moment, writing on a clipboard. You clear your throat, “Uh..where am I?”

“Oh of course,” she smiles embarrassedly, “welcome to the Bus. We’re with SHIELD. You’re safe.” she reassures.

“The Bus?” you raise an eyebrow.

“Yes,” your eyes shoot to the new voice, “welcome aboard.”

“Agent Coulson.” You try to sit up, but the pain in your shoulder stops you. You wince and lay back down.

“I assumed our meeting would be under better circumstances, but this’ll have to do.” he says with a smile. “Thank you, Simmons.” he nods at the girl and she leaves.

“What happened?”

“We heard your call on 40th.”

“Were you tracking me?”

“No,” he scoffs, “just making sure you didn’t get hurt before we got to meet you. Kinda failed at that, huh?”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “Okay, but how the heck did I....” you trailed off, trying to think of how to word your question.

“Not die?” he looks at you, finishing your sentence.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You have Skye to thank for that. To avoid a lengthy explanation, she has the ability to ‘quake’ things apart and stopped the piece of building from falling on you and the young man helping you.”

“What happened to Derek and his brother?”

“They’re safe. And the weapon has been confiscated, now SHIELD property.”

You nodded, content with his explanations. There’s a lull in the conversation and you take the time to actually take in your surroundings. The room you’re in is glass on three sides, the fourth being a wall of shelves for medical items. You look down at yourself, not in a gown like a hospital, but someone’s tank top and shorts. You’d have to ask about that later. You focus on your shoulder, eyes going wide. It still hurts, but looks completely healed. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” you look at Agent Coulson, who is smiling like a proud dad, “you’d lost a lot of blood by the time we found you. We immediately put you in the tissue regeneration pod and got it going on your shoulder. It looks healed, but you’ll have to stay in here for a couple more days and be monitored.”

“Tissue regeneration? How long was I out?”

“From when we found you to getting you to the pod, only a few minutes, but we had to anesthetize you so you wouldn’t wake up during the regeneration, so you've been out for about 16 hours.”

“Oh.” is all you’re able to say, still taking it in. Tissue regeneration. How are you supposed to comprehend that? “Thanks, I guess.”

He nods, “So are you ready to discuss your new position with SHIELD?”

Besides the man being in front of you, you had completely forgotten about your transition from NYPD detective to possibly SHIELD agent? The two of you certainly had a lot to talk about. “Yes, sir.”

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 6/20

Cold is the Night - 6/20

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

Gif by @marielle-heller​

You and Pat texted each other everyday. 

Most of the time you asked how the other's day went. Or tried to make plans. With your schedules it was difficult. One of you was always working or had other things you needed to do. The distance didn't help. You hadn't had a chance to clear the air about the night of the party and it weighed on your subconscious. 

Pat had become a comfortable presence in your life. Just the thought of seeing him again made your heart pound. But you kept your feelings to yourself. You didn't want to talk about it with anyone but Pat. 

"There are rumors around the dugout," Gina said

You glanced at her as you cleaned the bar. She had stopped by to spend time with you since Barone was busy working. 

"Is that so?" you asked. "Palacco get another weird rash again?"

"Nope. This one's about you."

"People think I have a weird rash? Those assholes."

Gina took a sip of her drink, smirking. "They say you and Pat like like each other."

"'Like like'? What are they, twelve?"

Gina laughed. "They definitely act like it sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Most times."

You weren't particularly concerned about the talk. With such a tight knit group, people were bound to pick up on things. You and Pat had spent most of the party together so it wasn't a stretch that tongues would wag.

"You know, people always give women shit for gossiping but men are just as bad."

Gina ignored your joke, too focused on the question at hand. "Is it true?"

You and Gina had known each other for years. She was one of your best friends and you were usually very open with her. But you knew Pat was self-conscious. The last thing you wanted was for him to think you were talking about him behind his back. On a personal level, you had made a vow to keep your romantic entanglements to yourself.

Not that what you and Pat had was romantic, but it had the potential to be.

"You shouldn't listen to rumors," you told Gina. 

"You know I don't care about other people's shit," she waved dismissively. "But I care about your shit."

"Aww, you're so sweet."

She said your name, eyebrows raised. "Do you like him?"

"Maybe a little."

Gina bounced up and down excitedly on the stool. "Oh my gosh! What are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing. See how it develops organically."

"No! Unacceptable! Go after him!"

In the past you absolutely would have. While you didn't intend to play coy with Pat, you also didn't want to rush. He was special. The sweetness he had shown when drunk had tugged on your heartstrings. However, you had also seen his temper. While it never was directed toward you, you still wanted to tread carefully. 

"Gina, I want to take things slow."

Gina sighed, mixing her drink with her straw. "Fine but I want all the details. Have you had sex yet?"

"Dude, we just started hanging out."

"So?"

"What part of 'take things slow' are you not getting?" 

"You can have sex and still be slow about things."

You rolled your eyes and handed her the check. "Goodbye, Gina."

"Okay, okay, hint taken," she said, fishing out cash from her purse. "I don't want you to be scared and back away like you have in the past."

"It's because of said past that I'm easing into this."

"I get that. But I also can see it as an excuse not to get close to someone. I've seen you do that too."

"I don't think that's what this is. This feels...different."

Gina gave you a wide smile. "I'm happy for you. Seriously, let me know how it goes."

"I will."

She left and you fell into a steady rhythm of making drinks. About an hour later, someone sat at your end of the bar and you turned around to place a napkin in front of them, only to find Pat smiling.

"Hi." He looked good, really good. There was a relaxed aura that you hadn't felt from him before. He clearly had taken care getting ready before coming to see you. He had shaved and wore a blue button up that made his eyes pop.

Your heart fluttered and you smiled. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I wanted to see you. And we're both so busy...so I thought I'd make the trek."

He was putting in the effort, meeting you halfway. He needed to stop being so sweet or you were going to throw your rules out the window, along with your pants. 

Still smiling, you handed him a menu. "What are you having?"

"Beer is fine."

You got his drink as he figured out what he wanted to eat. "You know I'm not off of work until midnight right?"

"I know."

You placed the beer in front of him. "Don't you have work at like, seven in the morning?"

"Yup."

"You're going to be so tired tomorrow."

"Worth it."

Leaning on the counter, you propped your chin in your hands. "Careful, Murray. I may think you like me or something."

His cheeks flushed bright red. "You know I do."

There it was. Out there without the help of alcohol. Pat, stone-cold sober telling you he liked you. It was unexpected in the most amazing way. 

"I like you too, Murray."

Pat's face lit up, smile widening. "You do?"

"I do."

"That's...that's great.'

"You're adorable."

Pat's face turned bright red and he hid his smile behind the rim of his glass. 

You took his order and put it into the kitchen while he sipped his beer. You could feel his eyes following you as you took care of some other customers. When you came back his way, he bit his lip before he blurted out, "Will you go out with me?"

"Wow, straight to final Jeopardy."

"I'm serious. I want to go out with you."

You wanted so badly to say yes. But there were things you needed to address before you could. Things you didn't want to talk about at work.

"I'm not saying no," you said. "But can we put a pin in that for when I'm not on the clock?"

Pat's shoulders slumped and you could see the rejection in his eyes. His confidence seemed to evaporate. "Oh. Yeah, sure."

Reaching across the table, you cupped his chin and lifted his face so he was forced to look you in the eye. "I am not saying no. I just don't want to talk about personal stuff here."

Pat smiled again, leaning his face into your palm. "Okay."

You enjoyed the contact for a moment, before pulling away. "So, Patrick Murray, tell me about yourself."

You spent the next few hours slowly getting to know each other. Just like the last time, Pat remained at the bar while you worked. Things were busy so you couldn't talk too much. But he didn't seem to mind. You didn't either.

When closing time finally rolled around, you left together. The evening was quiet as you walked across it to your cars. Once you reached them however, Pat turned around to face you.

"Want to go for a drive?" he asked.

"Depends. Where are we going?

"It's a surprise."

A soft breeze swept through the parking lot, rustling his red hair. He looked so sweet and eager, you couldn't refuse.

"Fine. I'll follow you in my car."

"Great."

He led you to a small field about five minutes away. You pulled up alongside him and got out of the car. The sky was clear, dotted with stars. Pat hopped up onto the hood to sit and you followed his lead. 

"I like to come here sometimes to clear my head," he told you, leaning back against the windshield. You copied him.

"I can see why. It's gorgeous."

"I want to say sorry for getting drunk and jealous at the party," he said. "Fuck, why do I feel like I'm always thanking or apologizing to you?"

"Because you acknowledge your shitty behaviour and own up to it," you told him. "And you don't need to apologize for getting drunk. It was a party."

"I know, but I did it out of anger. Another guy cozies up to you and...fuck, I'm an fucking idiot. We're not even…" He was flustered and you could sense his anger toward himself building.

You sat up, leaning over him to look him in the eye. "Stop insulting yourself," you demanded. "You're not an idiot. You're a fucking human being with complex emotions. Never apologize for that."

Pat sighed. He lifted his hand as if he was going to touch your cheek, but decided against it. "I guess I didn't realize just how much I liked you until then."

You laid back down, patting his arm. "It's alright. I'm not angry. I wasn't then either."

You fell into silence, watching the stars for a bit. Pat fidgeted, his hands clasped and resting on his stomach. "So when did you--"

"Laser tag. I felt it before but that was when I actually realized what I was feeling."

A pleased smile crossed Pat's face as he took in your words. But when he looked at you, the smile faded. "Is there a reason you won't go out with me?"

"I never said that," you reminded him. "Before I said yes, I wanted to tell you that I want to take things slow. I've jumped into relationships in the past and it's always gone to shit. I don't want to do that again. I want us to take our time."

"I can do that!" Pat said a little too quickly.

"Oh, can you?" you teased.

Pat laughed softly. "I understand. It's been a long time for me. I don't want to fuck this up…" He took a deep breath as if to calm himself down. "I just really like being around you."

You knew you were in trouble. The way those damn eyes looked at you made you feel like you were the only two people in the world.

"I don't do casual," you said. "Not when it comes to someone I really like."

"Me neither."

"The jealous thing doesn't do it for me either."

At that, Pat looked away. "I'll...work on it."

You remained silent for a moment, taking in the situation. Pat seemed eager and genuine. You never felt like he was telling you things you wanted to hear. When he spoke, you knew he meant what he said. You smiled and nudged him with your elbow to draw his attention back to you.

"Yes, I will go out with you. Whenever we have a fucking free minute to hang out."

Pat laughed again, looking back up at the stars. "Yeah, that does seem to be a pain in the ass."

"We'll figure it out."

You fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the night sky and the crickets in the distance. "Aside from baseball, what do you want to do in the future?"

"I honestly don't know," Pat admitted. "I mean, I have ideas but the one constant is baseball."

"That's nice," you said. "I've been working just to support myself for so long, I forgot to plan for the future."

"I wish you didn't have to work so much. You deserve to enjoy yourself."

"I'm enjoying myself now."

Pat's smile softened as his eyes drifted to your lips. When they flickered back up to meet yours, you knew what he was going to before he did it.

"Can I kiss you?"

Okay, maybe you didn't know. You had never been asked before. Normally, guys just leaned in. But Pat was different. You had laid out your boundaries and he respected them, giving you a chance to decline. Your breath caught in your throat and you had to swallow before answering. 

"Yes."

Pat moved so slowly, you didn't realize he was leaning in until his nose brushed yours. His breath was already coming out in pants, hot against your lips. There was a pause, as if he were giving you a chance to pull away.

You closed the distance. 

It was the softest kiss you had ever experienced. Pat pressed his lips against yours with the gentlest of pressure as if he were afraid he was going to break you. Maybe he was still worried you didn't want him. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Your skin erupted with goosebumps and you found yourself shivering in the middle of August. 

You drew closer, deepening the kiss as you slipped your hand into his hair. Pat cupped your cheek, sighing into the kiss. You could feel his smile and it triggered your own. It was probably seconds but it felt like hours that you stayed there, kissing Pat under the stars.

Head spinning, you drew back slightly but remained close, breathing each other in. 

"That was…"

"Yeah…" 

You reluctantly pulled away from each other, needing to catch your breath. Your body was hot, your face flushed. All from a single, simple, kiss. "It's late but I don't want to leave," you said.

"Me neither."

"So let's stay. For a bit more."

Pat slipped his hand into yours, twining your fingers together. "Nothing on earth could make me move right now."

"I mean, I'm sure something could."

"Like what?"

"Aliens?"

"Okay. Maybe aliens."

"Ghosts?"

"Pffft, nah. What can they do to me? They're ghosts."

"Vampires?"

"Obviously. But that's for a whole other reason…"

You joked back and forth late into the night, or early morning depending on how you looked at it. 

[thatyanderecritic]

been reading a lot of yandere stuff and it feels like the targets of the yanderes' love are not allowed to feel anything besides fear or all-purpose kindness (or arousal in the dubcon/noncon works). ex: they can't feel frustrated enough at their situation to vent (without the yandere/world deciding to "punish" them violently for it). its pretty frustrating... yeah twisted love is cool, but why does it seem like a lot of yandere works lack the romance and are just rape/torture porn fantasies?

And I OOP.... You just spilled all the tea on this message box anon. 

Anyways, Kai here to answer to the call of rants! Cause this pathetic sack of flesh (That’s me, Kai!) just loves to bitch and moan about yandere stories :) So let’s ponder why this is the case...

All the blame falls onto the author. I mean, they’re the only person who’s writing these stories after all. It’s not like these characters are real, ya know? But why is it that authors just like to copy one another? Well, I have a bunch of theories but none of them particularly nice. But they’re the hard truths.

1. Authors who write yandere stories are simply unimaginative and they just copy their predecessors.

While writing is a passion, I know there’s a grind in wanting views and increasing in popularity. I can’t tell you the type of schemes Julie and I came up with to make this blog more popular on tumblr since the demographics here seem to want the yandere aesthetics or the dramatics. Sometimes, authors just like to chase those clicks and views. So the appeal to the majority and what is a safe to write is normally the go to. Since they see that other people who write ‘X’ about yanderes get to cum money, they don’t really have the incentive to think outside the box or explore an avenue they were interested in because other people might not want to explore that avenue with them.

Or they aren’t schemers (like Julie and I lol) and are simply that unimaginative. They see something they’re predecessors wrote and go, “I like that” then just copy it thinking they’re doing something original simply because they’re the one writing it now. Let me say this now before anyone mistaken me: there’s nothing wrong in writing an overdone trope or following a path of your favorite author/story. Tropes are fun and if you like a certain thing, that’s cool. There’s a reason why the liberal arts study previous works compared to, say... the sciences. You wouldn’t study a medieval medicine practice since it’s outdated. But you would study the Scarlet Letter to widen your horizon and develop your craft. And that’s the important key: “wide your horizon and develop your craft”. The problem with most writers is that they see a book and consider it the word of god. It is terrifying when I hear people say something like “I’m trying to copy Stephan King’s writing style”. Fucking yikes my dude! Besides the fact that Stephan King is generally a bad writer, you shouldn’t mimic a teacher but become your own person. Take a technique or two you like and blend it to your style. Don’t become a chameleon (unless you are going to parody/satire said author). If you’re going to do a trope, I say consider two things: 1) Are you planning to do anything with the trope? Are you going to push it forward or explore a facet that you don’t think others explored? and 2) If you don’t plan to push it forward and just do a gratuities writing of the trope, are you willing to accept that fact? Are you going to accept it and not cover your ass when someone comes around to point out  that it’s a copycat of another story (Ex. The Hunger Games Series and the Divergent Series)? Are you willing to stand up and say “Fuck yeah I was inspired by them and made my own version because I love the trope.” If you’re will to answer these two points confidently, then go for it. Cause the worst thing you can do with a trope is A) Not do anything with it and B) Lie to yourself that you’re doing something new.

This suddenly reminded me when I saw one of these writing blogs complaining about getting copy and paste writing requests. They were complaining about wanting to be original and not wanting to be a commodity. Well... first of all, if they don’t want to be a commodity then stop writing people’s requests, the fuck lol. Next it’s laughable that they think their original. Let’s ignore the fact of the complete irony that they think they’re writing something original when what they’re writing is a plot given to them by a stranger and also that they’re a fandom writer (oops, spilled the tea again). There’s really nothing “original” anymore since we can point out a specific trope and trace it back to an ancient text that done the exact same thing. What is “original” is the blending of tropes, the reactions of tropes, and the element that authors put in their writing to give it life. Cause at the end of the day, if you entertained an audience, then you won.   

2. Authors who write yandere stories secretly hate yanderes.

Okay, so this is a theory that Julie came up with and I probably won’t have a lot to write on it compared to the first point. Anyways, the theory is that some of these authors who write yandere stories just hate yanderes. I mean, look at half the shit that are yandere stories. Straight up torture, clickbait yanderes, and scumbags. This is what people imagined a yandere would be. You can at least tell the difference between someone who liked yanderes or hate them. For example, when yandere’s has a “gentle moment”. If it’s genuinely sweet and soft, then that person probably likes yanderes. If not, then that person probably doesn’t and can’t get their head out of “I hate yanderes” mode. We can also look to the first point about scheming and getting them views for tossing in a yandere. Just like the otome game community, even if the product is shit, we’ll still eat it up because it’s a product for a community that doesn’t get a lot of products of their bias. 

3. Authors who write yandere stories are simply bad at writing romance.

Again, probably not a lot to write on this point since I spent it all on the first point. Anyways, as this point state, sometimes authors are simply bad at writing romance or not interested in romance. It just happens, you know? An author will bite off more than they can chew and end up making a mediocre story. And that, combined with point one and maybe point two, then of course no one can make an actually good yandere romance story since they can’t get out of their head of “Romancing a scumbag”. Also, sometimes people read a story thinking it’s a romance story when really, it isn’t. It happens and we can’t fault the author too much since they either need more practice or it’s our fault for assuming it’s a romance to begin with. Also, can I complain about all these people who tag some stories as a romance when it’s clearly not? Now they’re the real villains here. 

4. Specific authors who write yandere stories have a fetish for rape/torture porn.

Okay okay. I get it, some people got their fetishes and coping mechanisms. Put down your pitch forks. What I’m annoyed about are people who don’t acknowledge their fetish or at least state it at the beginning of their stories. Come on, don’t be those tagging jackasses who incorrectly tag their shit. Not everyone likes your fetish. You stay in your clearly defined lane and I stay in my clearly defined lane. Cool? Cool. Well, on this website. People are pretty good at their tagging and warnings. The problem are the jackasses outside of this hell site. If tumblr is hell, the rest of the internet is the void.

Well, tbh, this point isn’t too bad. People do what people do and I can’t complain too much. And hey! I would rather read these rape/torture porn stories versus the copy cat stories. At least we get porn and the possible reward of being able to jack off to it. It’s just that nine times out of ten, the “yandere” isn’t a yandere. What a surprise. 

Anyways, I hope writing this post help vent out your frustrations anon. 

Julie: Just edited Kai’s rant here. She’s really spilling all the tea 🍵.