#but don't you just want to psychoanalyse the hell out of it??

[pinketine]

My #1 fear is probably Kendrick going out sad like Kanye

Isn't that anyone's fear with their fave lol? Luckily I don't think that'll happen because Kanye's downfall is the result of many different traits and circumstances that Kendrick simply doesn't have/hasn't experienced. They both started from relatively similar backgrounds but they have different attitudes to life and shit.

More under the cut because I really got into psychoanalysing these grown men I don't know

The biggest reason for Kanye's downfall is his own ego. He's an unbelievably talented person who's influenced other equally talented people, and his name is permanently cemented in music history, and he knows this all too well. And he's never taken the time to properly humble himself. Kendrick Lamar is equally aware of his own talent and skill, but he's introspective, and takes time to check himself. Kendrick "Kendrick is not your savior" Lamar would not make I Am A God. Like I do love Kanye's introspective songs but he never takes a good long hard look at himself for too long. He just assumes he's right, and surrounds himself with people who think the same, pushing away practically everyone who criticises him. This circle of yesmen and sycophants is how we got Vultures 1 and 2. Literally nobody says "no" to that man anymore. Hell, his own fanbase even contributes to this effect. Kanye fans can be damn near brainless sometimes with how much they don't want to criticise him because he made music they like or something. (Or because they're neo nazis.)

They also have incredibly different public personas. Tying into his aforementioned ego, Kanye is brash, and loud, and never hesitates to say what he's thinking for better ("George Bush doesn't care about black people") or worse ("There's A LOTTT of things I love about Hitler"). And this ego makes it so he's stubborn to a fault, never backs down properly even when he's wrong because he thinks he's enlightened or some shit. Kendrick, in heavy contrast, is more reserved. That isn't to say he hasn't had his controversial moments (the one I can think of best is when he brought up that white girl to rap with him), but even then, he clearly reflects and learns on it. Part of Kanye's downfall is his various controversies over 20 years, as they prompted many people to distance themselves from him, and Kendrick just wouldn't do even close to half of them. When Kendrick feels like someone's been snubbed, he talks about it on a song (Killer Mike mention on Hood Politics). When Kanye feels like someone's been snubbed, he storms the stage and takes the mic from the winner.

Speaking of controversies. I should probably elaborate on Kanye's worst controversy. They obviously have VERY different political beliefs. Kendrick Lamar talks about watching the daily news and hoping the 2016 election results weren't true on LUST. Kanye wore a MAGA hat. That alone pretty much tells you everything about where their heads are at. While Kendrick is very much a leftist, Kanye had been spending several years going down the alt right pipeline (I once heard someone say he'd actually been on the antisemitism shit since Yeezus era, but don't quote me on that. Would explain the New World Order mention on New Slaves). So while Kanye's views used to be more left leaning, they definitely no longer are. That isn't to say there isn't antisemitism in leftist spaces, like there absolutely is, and that isn't to say Kendrick hasn't said questionable things before (him calling himself an israelite on YAH.) but definitely not to the extent Kanye took it. He recognises that his own bigotry can't slide just because he's black, like on Auntie Diaries. And of course, Kanye hasn't really properly backed down. Hence, the several questionable Jewish lines on Vultures. He's so convinced he's right.

So PR wise. Kanye clearly doesn't have a PR team otherwise they would've killed themselves a long time ago. And Kendrick is at an all time high right now, in a way Kanye never was really.

So let's talk music. On his AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM remix feature, Kendrick criticises AI, and it's clear he isn't fond of it at all. This is to be expected, this man doesn't even like rappers having ghostwriters. He's passionate about his music, and he wants it to be his, and from him. I think Kanye's lost pretty much most of his passion for music. Like don't get me wrong, he's delayed albums before (several albums have been delayed by either close to, or over, a year!) but it was clear he had a vision, and he put a lot into them. And even the ones that were imperfect upon released he went back and tweaked (The Life of Pablo and Donda). He cared deeply, constantly experimenting and pushing his sound to its limits. Vultures 1 was... simply bad. For a Kanye album. It might've been alright for another artist but put it up against the rest of his work. Does that shit sound My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy quality to you? Or I guess, Kids See Ghosts since it was also a collab album. Either way, incredibly lackluster.

And Vultures 2... WELL. I've mentioned it before but I'm on a Kanye discord server and the day it dropped people begged me to not even bother listening to it. On. A Kanye server. Made up of fans of his music. People begged me to not listen to Vultures 2. And there's like no surprise, the album sucks shit. It's badly mixed, and Sky City got dug out of Yandhi's desecrated corpse and had AI slapped on it. Ye-I (or KanAI) has pretty much been haunting Vultures 2 because the album is already sloppy but using AI is an incredibly cheap trick, especially when it's of Kanye himself. Like what? Are you too lazy to rap your own shit now? Like yesterday 530 (a song that was half fucking mumble upon release) got """updated""" to have AI in it as well when there was already a finished version he performed at an LP. It's genuinely just pathetic, and not something Kendrick would do without serious compromise of years long established values.

I should probably also mention Kanye's... instability. For lack of a better word. I'm gonna preface by saying this clearly his mental health isn't making him do this shit like some evil puppeteer, but it has an incredibly strong influence on him. As we all know at this point, Kanye has been diagnosed with bipolar (although he has gone on record to say it was a misdiagnosis fabricated by "them" (guess who "they" are...) to silence him, and actually he has autism. Not sure to make of the autism thing.). And while Kendrick has talked about struggling with mental health, Kanye's been fighting a pretty depressing to watch war against his (he's literally had a mental break live on stage before). His life is basically ruled by instability thanks to it (and his grief due to him losing his mother way too early) in a way that Kendrick's simply isn't. Not to mention his several addictions. None of those things make Kanye a bad person, or the sole cause of why he does the shit he does, but mixed with his already egotistical personality, it causes a lot of his beliefs to be compromised (for such a devout Christian he ain't very Christ-like) a lot of the time.

And I just don't think Kendrick would spiral in a similar way. If I had to guess, he'll just bow out gracefully by retiring.

TL;DR They're two incredibly different people with incredibly different artistic visions. Kendrick's probably gonna end up with a damn near flawless discography by the end, which Kanye could've also done if he retired at Donda the way God intended.

[lucabyte]

ADORE your Siffrin gender essay. I appreciate the focus on using direct lines from the game and providing references. You put into words well from what I saw in the game as well and explained it all really well.

Very sidenote from but hell yeah aroace Ash

*does a sick kickflip and high-fives you*

yeah evidence is swag i love evidence. I don't know how else to put it LMAOO. okay let me try and be coherent

I think as an OC creator first and foremost I interact with canon characters, especially of smaller works like this, with a very "what was the author intending? what did they want to tell me, the audience?" mindset.

I specify as like, as an OC creator because of like... I think its a dual-pronged thing.

I know what it's like to write a guy and try and imbue them with knowledge that i Have but they will never be able to just Say Aloud Via Their Mouths (because some characters will just never say some things), but that there's always evidence for the authorial intent SOMEWHERE if you can just triangulate enough pieces...

I have a big beautiful playground full of guys to project my identity unto whenever i want to (hits a larger than average number of my ocs with the aroace nonbinary beam) and that means both a. I come to (well-written) canon characters with a mindset that, oh thank god, they AREN'T mine. I get to use this to explore someone else's mindset, try and decenter my own experience, practice whatever empathy they are leading me to practice. and b. I've already learned that variety is the spice of Character Creation and i'm on the prowl for new things I haven't already made or seen. And amab NBs are not. Commonly seen. So I latched onto that motherfucker like a crocodile about to death roll him and started scouring for supporting evidence.

So yeah. I come at the text with I think, a slightly different angle than the usual "just playing in the fandom space for fun". which like. i AM having fun. i almost feel bad how much fun i'm having, sorry to my ocs who are collecting dust LOL. But it does mean I'm presumably coming at this from a weird angle to begin with, thus, my want to treat it like a more academic endeavour where I Cite my Sources and point out where I'm getting my ideas from.

I also like. haven't interacted with fandom at large for. a number of years. so my barometer on how much I have to explain myself is WACKY. this is what you get from only hanging out with lit and classic students who can't make a gay catboy without psychoanalysing them to the Nth degree. But again I'm having fun so we stay silly.

And i am SO glad that i wasnt the only person drawing these conclusions. Glad to see people immediately going "oh yeah i thought this!!" because like. i dont read other peoples meta. i had NO idea if this was just gonna like. go down like a lead balloon because I'd stepped on everyone's collective toes instead. Glad it does not seem to have in these first couple hours at least

also yeah sidenote god ash ketchum is so aroace. He's only got time for one partner and that's his pokemon partner motherfucker. No time for romance he's on that Seeing The Wonders Of The World Grindset. that complete blank nonreaction to being kissed by serena never fails to make me lose my shit thinking about it. sorry girl you have bet on the wrrrooooong ponyta

[emmetverse]

Roach did not like all this waiting around. He had no idea what they were even waiting for. At least back home he could build random stuff or annoy people or talk to his friends. Here it was just... Eerie.

The more he paced around, the more he noticed how every inch of this place seemed to be Kragled. Not even a scrap of rock was uncovered. That's what he assumed, at least. There was nothing else it really could be. The idea of a timeline where Business won made his insides squirm. The whole world like this. But hey. Time, frozen, stagnating - those are the kinds of worlds they relied on to even keep surviving here.

Still.

He kicked one of the pews lightly. His foot left a scuff on the translucent surface. Somehow, that was worse.

He eventually found the other Emmet in one of the back rooms of the cathedral. The smaller, mousy-haired one. He was sitting by a couple of bags, trying to rearrange them for the upcoming trip.

"Hey."

The man squeaked, dropping a bottle of water and spinning around with wide eyes. His shoulders relaxed only a little when he saw who it was.

"Just me," Roach chuckled anyway. "Uh.. You need help?"

"Oh. Um... No, thank you." His voice was very soft - nearer a whisper than talking. He turned back to his work without another word, checking the little bottle was alright before tucking it into the side of the bag.

Roach just sat nearby, knee bouncing steadily faster, chewing his tongue.

"What's your deal, anyway?" He blurted, taking himself somewhat by surprise.

The man hesitated. He glanced to the door before he answered. "How do you mean?"

"Like... Who are you? You magically healed me and then left while that guy was being all cryptic." Roach gestured vaguely. "If you want me to just, I guess, pretend you don't exist then sure. But frankly, I'm understimulated as hell, and the idea of treating you like some doormat is extremely unappealing."

That made him smile. Finally, something other than an expression like a deer in headlights. He looked to the door once more before sitting himself on the cold floor.

"Well, um... I'm Emmet."

"Well, duh."

He laughed softly. "Right. You all gave each other nicknames to make it less confusing, didn't you?"

"You guys haven't?"

"Not much point when there's only two of us." He shrugged. "He calls me 'magic guy' sometimes, among other things."

"That's boring."

"You get bored easily, hm?"

"Don't psychoanalyse me."

He shook his head lightly, still smiling. But his voice didn't get much louder.

"Um... I'm a Cleric."

Roach tilted his head. "Like a priest?"

"Hm," He hummed. "Not really. I mean, it does mean that. But it's more a term for..." He paused again, thinking of how to word it. "A servant of a god. So - well, not a monk, they're martial artists - but... I don't know how to explain it. My god helps me channel magic. I guess it's religious, but I didn't really choose him, so..."

"The Man Upstairs?"

He nodded quickly. "Yes. I've heard that all of us know of him in one way or another."

"Tell me about it," Roach huffed, leaning back and stretching his legs out. "So he forced you to...?"

"No, no. A paladin. But only for three levels."

"... What?"

He chuckled. "Don't worry about it. It's something I've learned doesn't really exist anywhere else."

Roach raised an eyebrow, studying him for a moment. Then shrugged. "Well, Cleric, it's a pleasure to meet you properly."

"And you, uh.." His face fell. "You never told me."

And Roach hesitated. Because he could say anything. But god, his brain was going blank. He blinked himself out of his thoughts, looking up to see that soft, understanding smile.

"You don't like the nickname they gave you, huh?"

"Wh- I said don't psycho-..." He pouted. "It's that obvious?"

"A little."

"Man, if only the others were that perceptive."

"It's a talent," he shrugged. "It's a pleasure to meet you anyway, buddy."

The door slammed open before he could say a word, shaking the building itself. The man stood there. Scowling. Without a single word, he turned and left, leaving the door to slowly creak back shut.

"Jeez."

Cleric swallowed, waiting for the footsteps to leave before relaxing. Their voice was barely a whisper. "He likes quiet."

"And people say I can be intense..."

[pentacass]

Please tell me all about Aelirra and Ves, how do they get along at first, how does Ves feel about finally meeting the woman that Lana <strike>left her for</strike> left her to go hunting across the galaxy for for years, how badly does Aelirra's goodness get on her nerves, how does Aelirra react to Ves/Darth Avriss's dramatics, please tell me this and more I must KNOW

our inky boi rolled up locked and loaded 🔫🔫 thenk <3

I'll touch on all these in fic hopefully but as always, nothing stops brain from going BRRRR

How do they get along at first - It's strictly professional. Ves recognises that, though she'd been key to the Alliance's creation, Ael is its Commander. The face of the Alliance that attracts most recruits. She treats Ael...politely (if very frigidly). Ael returns it with geniune warmth, patience, and an openness that makes Ves want to chew on rusted nails.

After some time, due to clashes in methods and beliefs, they'll butt heads more often. Ves argues, and argues, and argues - until one day (which kinda terrified everyone else), Ael snaps back at Ves in her first display of temper. Unfortunately, Ael's temper only delights Ves (i think she kinda fell in love tbh), and she keeps pushing Ael, whose restraint with Ves gets thinner and thinner, until they're barking in each other's faces.

That said, every storm comes to an end. They'll find common ground, learn from each other, and work in a way that accommodates them both. Even though they don't stop bickering and trying to shove each other into the dumpster. Yes, it's all Vestra's fault, and yes, Ael plays along cos she comes to enjoy it.

By the time they become friends, Lana's already floating face-down in the sea from watching her two besties fight all the time.

How does Ves feel about finally meeting the woman that Lana left her for left her to go hunting across the galaxy for for years - 'This is it? A golden retriever?? Lana, what the fuck??? What are you gonna do, ask her to fetch the sanity you obviously lost when you chose to LEAVE ME TO LOOK FOR HER?????'

She felt underwhelmed. She'd heard much of the Jedi Battlemaster who brought down the Emperor's Voice, then Revan on Yavin. She'd expected some equivalent of the Wrath, who radiated malicious potency in the Force from every pore.

Ael is the exact opposite of the Wrath, and much more subtle. Though her strength with the Force can't be denied, it is comparable to Vestra's own. All she saw was a Jedi, too calm, too detached from a galaxy that had suffered in the five years she'd spent locked away in carbonite. [We'll touch on this in fic soon! In um. The next...third chapter. ahahahha bye]

Then Ves sees Ael in battle, the unstoppable force that shatters Zakuulan shields, bright blue blades flashing as a beacon of hope in battle, and she understands Lana's judgement. If only part of it.

How badly does Aelirra's goodness get on her nerves - Let's just say it's a miracle that Ves' hands never find their way to Ael's neck.

Ves is immensely annoyed by Ael's determination to go out of her way to help everyone, to minimise collateral damage. She's even more annoyed when Ael manages to make it work, without compromising mission objectives.

We can psychoanalyse the hell out of Ves and her annoyance here, but tl;dr, she hates how Ael keeps proving her wrong and, on a deeper level, shows how Ves could achieve the same, without the brutality she'd internalised as Sith.

How does Aelirra react to Ves/Darth Avriss's dramatics

At first: calm, reasonable, accommodating. 'Let me understand you, Avriss, so that I can help you.'

Later, when they're friends: shut up shut up i'm so tired of your bullshit and your entire face

Although Ael does get angry and argue with Ves on occasion, she never cuts off all possibility of communication. After their clashes, Ves is always free to talk to Ael in private (which she never does). If she has the time, Ael will look for Ves and try to hash it out.

It's really because of Ael that they even have that first bit of understanding for each other. She manages to wear Ves down to the point where even Darth Avriss goes 'ok FINE we'll talk, if it gets you OFF MY DAMN BACK'.

[dallonwrites]

3, 4, & 7 for beaulix :3

3. What was their first impression of each other?

When they first met Beau was a lot more extroverted and had no problem approaching strangers and trying to befriend them so he literally just thought Felix seemed cool and looked cute he is a simple man! Also Beau was with his younger brother when they met (it was in an arcade) and thought Felix interacted with his brother nicely/appropriately which is like. number one green flag for him.

Felix on the other hand did have a similar first impression but he was also just So anxious because he literally could not comprehend that some guy just like! wants to hang out with him and is talking with him?!?!? The more they get to know each other the more he realises he does enjoy Beau's company actually but a lot of those first interactions are murky because Felix is just like what the hell do you mean someone wants to be my friend?? Like I'm having normal friend interactions with another person right now??? Also can't wait to write the moment where Felix's repression finally dissolves and he's like wait Beau Is Like Really Pretty

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

Overall I don't think there's one that is more affectionate than the other like all the time but Felix's love language would definitely be physical touch so most of the time it's him LOL he's clingy....he wants to hold his hand hold his arm have their knees/thighs pressed together under the table....hugs from behind hugs from the side will move closer to him in his sleep (he is also just a physical affectionate guy overall with anyone he loves not just with romantic partners like he is soooo wanting to rest his head on Dorothy's shoulder most of the time). Not to psychoanalyse but it is like definitely because he did not get physical affection growing up

I wouldn't say in contrast that Beau doesn't initiate affection as much I think he is just like. not as quick to do it or won't have the same kind of impulse urge Felix has most of the time. Like Beau tends to feel like he's "stuck" in his own body (his own words) where it's not like he's disassociated but he's just so focused on himself internally and how he's processing the world around him because the world around him is So Much (autism <3) that he might like. forget for a moment that he's with someone or that he wanted to hold their hand. Also he definitely overthinks worrying about misreading a situation and the person not actually wanting to be touched and rejecting it, which is so fair but he is also definitely overthinking it in situations where he does not need to and the communication has already been clear! autism <3 part of Lover Boy development is about being more confident over this

7. How often do they say “I love you”?

Omgggg okay in RR despite being so wrapped up in each other they never actually say I love you. Like I think they can't bring themselves to say it even when they want to because they're aware on some level of the fragility of their relationship + their lives around it and as the plot gets more intense which I think is really interesting contrasted with just...how attached they are to each other. There are definitely instances tho where I think they are trying to say it in other words like Felix literally making him a mixtape of what he believes are the most beautiful songs in the world (which btw he made this as an APOLOGY gift....girl!). Like they're trying so hard not to say it!

Which ultimately means the first time they say I love you is going to be in Lover Boy which is like OMGGGGGG who knows what that'll look like! Not me!

ship ask game

[cursedzucchini]

Inspired by the comments under this post

i don't personally like anger managment and i think it's kinda yikes, and what i wrote definitely represents that. If u like anger managment this probs isn't for you

Jazz was fucking perfect.

Jason knew that from the moment, she helped him get a book from one of the higher shelves. When she smiled at him, and it was the softest fucking thing Jason has ever seen. When he stuttered like a third grader through their short conversation, offering his phone number and fleeting, and Jazz just... laughed. Like it wasn't embarrassing as hell, but... Endearing. Like he deserved to be loved.

:read more:

And when they started dating, and Jazz sometimes said her psychoanalyses of him out loud? When Jason saw green and was ready to yell? When Jazz, instead of insisting it was his fault, apologized?

Jason knew she was perfect in the sense two pieces of puzzle are. That she was his gold to his broken ceramics. She was a saint willing to deal with such a broken piece of shit like him.

And than Dick came over for an unexpected visit, and he saw it all crumbling beneath his fingers. Jason knew she was gonna realize why the first son of Brucie Wayne was visiting some random alley trash. That she was gonna realize who he was. Or wasn't.

Because Jazz was so damn smart. She saw him limping and instead of asking annoying question if he was hurt, she just helped him patch himself up. When he woke up from a nightmare (he couldn't breath, the dirt was in his mouth and he was choking Bruce where are you dAD—) and she just offered him a hug, an ugly knowing look on her face.

But Jazz didn't ran. Or accuse him of lying to her, or started shooting either of them (there was always chance such a perfect woman being an assassin after all).

No, she smiled, cracked a joke about not expecting to meet his family so soon, and mildly scolded Dick for coming there unannounced. Before giving him a kiss, and letting them talk things out between them.

(He might've started planning their wedding at that point...)

Speaking of weddings, that is a word which rhymes with meddling, and that's exactly what his family did for living. Suddenly his phone was being blown up by everyone about his 'mysterious girlfriend' and Jason was ready to kill them all.

But Jazz (his girlfriend with the patience of angel) laughed and brought up the idea of officially visiting them.

And yeah, it might've made sense, they were dating for almost five months, and it was looking pretty serious between them, but... Jason just kinda didn't want to.

It had nothing to do with sharing, no matter what Jazz says, because he was not a child. He knew Jazz was going to have to be introduced to the family (more so now that their relationship was much more warm than before), but...

(But what if Jazz saw how much worse he is than his siblings, what if she realized he's not worth it, what if Bruce stepped in to protect her, what if)

He didn't voice any of this and just grumbled about some shit, but somehow Jazz knew. She saw his insecurities, kissed his cheek, told him they don't have to do this yet. She looked at him, small smile (like a blessing from heavens) playing on her lips, and talked about how this would be easier if he actually communicated.

Jason in that moment wasn't in her little apartment where they meet up, but in their future home, planning where to put the bookshelves.

And so what if he was falling little too fast. What they had was beautiful and damn him if he wasn't going to enjoy every moment of it.

Everything was going so well, Jazz has even gotten the Bat clan's approval (and wasn't that surprising). She got well along with everyone, even demon brat (who, after their first meeting, told him, he better marry her, because he wanted one person in the family who wasn't an absolute imbecile). Bruce was looking at him little less like he killed his fucking dog, and more like Jason was his son.

So when Jazz told him, all laughter and smiles, he little brother was going to live with her from now on, he was honestly happy for her. She told him about how he spend six months in some hospital after a traumatic event (and Jason knew that was just before he met Jazz. He knew how twitchy and anxious she was in the beginning, and all he wanted to do was to look into it. But he wasn't Bruce. He was going to respect his partner).

Jason actually couldn't wait to meet the brat, after all the stories she told him. It was obvious she loved him dearly, and that was, what was important to him. (He didn't mention how sometimes Jazz stuttered and obviously left out some parts. He wasn't telling her everything too after all)

So when he was waiting for Jazz to come back with her little brother, and the pit suddenly flared up? (Like it hadn't done in months, almost since meeting Jazz-) It wasn't a problem, probably just random bit of violence.

When he heard unlocking the doors, Jazz happily chattering behind them, he tried the breathing exercises she taught him.

When they walked in, and Jason, ready to excuse himself, because what the hell was wrong with the pit today?!

And then he locked eyes with Danny.

(His Lazarus pit eyes, his eyes that were glowing. Jason could feel the growl trying to make it's way out of his throat)

And than he heard Danny introduce himself.

(His scratchy echo-like voice, reminding him of standing next to an abyss. Jason heard the pit scream in terror)

And than he knew, Danny was a danger to everyone, but most importantly to Jazz.

(Just like he knew Jazz was the one, just like he knew that as much as he hated the pit, there probably isn't many holy things that scare it, and he sure didn't one of them being near his lover)

(Just like he knew, his family needed to hear about this)

---

Jazz knew she wasn't perfect.

Even if she didn't, she could see it in her little brother, the way how he sometimes stopped, and just stared at something for hours (it was scissors. Why did scissors cause such a reaction). The way she couldn't help herself, and answer once a time the desperate parents from her parents. Or overall how her personal life was just falling apart.

But she kinda hoped, her personal tragedy won't encompass her boyfriend too.

And at first it didn't! It was all so soft and warm, and Jason was just perfect. So what if she saw the signs of their relationship turning into codependency. All relationship are like that at some point, and she was careful not to encourage it too much, but... it was so nice to have someone to look at her like she was a good person (like she was perfect).

But something changed.

Surprisingly it wasn't necessarily something with their relationship, but something else.

Danny finally contacted her. She was ecstatic to finally hear from her brother after half of an year (six months of waking up in cold sweat fearing he was caught again and-). All could finally go to the way it was before (just the two of them, happy, safe)

And it was understandable Danny didn't want to return to the living realm, but also unavoidable. He had to make some connections with people his age if he wanted to grow up healthily (did he just plan on leaving her here? All alone?). And Danny obviously wasn't in the headspace to make good decisions for himself (at least for the long run), so Jazz took it upon herself to contact Clockwork about it.

The ghost of time was silent for a while. He was looking almost through her, a vaguely sad look on his face. Jazz still wasn't sure what to think of his long sigh and quiet agreement, but she wasn't about to look gifted horse in the mouth (she finally had her little brother safe with her).

Danny didn't say anything but Jazz could tell he thought she was doing this as some sort of revenge. She was not. She was not.

Jazz just... she just wanted her little brother back.

Xxx

Hey so i fucjing hate this prompt idk why. Or like the prompt is fuckingw amazing but something in my anger managment hating soul just sorta.... Idk it just sorta decided to write this lmao.

I probably won't be writing anything more bc even this took a lots of my mental health to write so yeah.

Anyway these r my thoughts on what could happen next

Jezz breaking up w Jason

- everything is the same but it goes like this:

Yada yada, batfam invites Danny and his sis

And he comes in and everyone.knows he's not himam

Tim is like.imma check his vibe and invites Danny to play w him (like play video games and secretly collect his hair)

Danny is like no uhhh soryy

Jazz asks whats wrong Danny days nothing they take it to.hallway

This all is happening while Jason is very passive ahresive towards Danny so the batfam assume he has.a good reason

And they hear an argument Abt how he could spent some time w.pll around his age and.dannynbeing like i don't like the way he looks at me it's like Maddie and jack (which barfam is like names of jazz why not say our parents huh) and jazz is like at least give them a chance and Danny is like NO and apologizes after wards but silently and jazz is like ok u don't need to but... Continues silently and barfam is like holy shit he's controlling her

So they put mic in her apartment, go through it stalk them when they're together and Sibley try and pull them apart. They start like hey aren't u a lil too close? Like that doesn't seem healthy, and while they don't know jazz is kinda self conscious Abt it (and it wouldn't be healthy, but her parents tries and vivisect him and he was gone for 6 months. This is normal), so she like stops talking w Danny so much and doesn't invite him always. And Danny is obviously fucking traumatized but doesn't wanna say anything so both of them r hurting and barfam takes it as the mind control going back (they call justice league dark at this point)

And they start trying to pull them away more and more, making more jabs at Danny even before jazz, bc they like this girl! They have to save her!! And jazz is kinda confused but w communication this will be solved right?

But at this point while Danny was sorta patient, he has enough. They obviously don't like him enough they r trying to pull his sis away from him. This is them or Danny situation. An she sees how happy his sister is and so goes hey jazz i think i might just go back. And jazz is like no what but at this point they don't.... Talk that much. And they both see the cracks in their relationships but jazz is trying to fix it all, and Danny wants to protect her happiness and so he just pulls yknow

And barfam listening is like omg he's manipulating her to take her w him

Anyway it ends up w Danny being like not everything can be fixed and jazz being like that's just bc u're not trying enough, and they both say some hurtful shit. In the end Danny leaves to 'clear his head'

He goes and makes friends w killer croc (idk his name I'm just gonna call him guy) and they're vibin and Danny wants to let of some steam so they agree to fight. Only some member of barfam sees this and things they're gonna commit some evil doing. And so he's like hey what r u doing >:(

And Danny, very jumpy and traumatized Danny, fuxkig shoots him w a laser. He manages to pull it, so it's like uncomfortably cold/hot air, but that's still enough for barfam. They arrest him and guy for doing some shit idk. And somehow someone takes a video of it and posts it and it's all over the internet. It goes viral bc Danny goes unresponsive and the bats r really rough w him so they assume he's like a big threat

The next morning jazz wakes up to someone knocking. She goes to open the door thinking it danny but it's Jason. And he's finally smiling at her like at the begging of the relationship, and he kisses her and tells her she looks so pretty, but than goes serious (his body language is sus) and asks where is Danny.

Anywya he shows her he got arrested by batfam for something, and jazz goes sicko mode. She starts preparing to go visit Dany and get him out and Jason is just like....what if u didn't

And jazz fucking snaps. She tells him all how she knows he's been breaking into her apartment and how fuckibg messed up everything he did was and also she confirms he did it.

And she's really angry bc he used (unknowingly) her love for her brother against him. And Jason is trying toe x plain he's a monster she tells how she sees something's weird w his fam and doesnt go and search for their secrets.

Theres also moment where jazz shows shes liminal

Anyway it's really big argument, and in the end jazz tells Jason that if he or his family ever come close to her or her brother she will skin them alive

Jazz goes visit her brother and apologizes and cries and Danny just kinda... Stays silent. It's very bad. The disasociation is stronk.

What happens next? Great question i have no idea, but i don't want this in my drafts lmao. Feel free to continue writings yhis

Dp x Dc idea 💡

Jazz has been dating Jason for the last few months the bat family loves her, and she hasn't given any of them red flags to trigger their paranoia as to make them look into her past, so to them jazz just seems like a normal nice girl. Everything changes though when she gets custody of her younger brother, who according to her has spent the last six months recovering from an unknown disease in a specialized hospital in another country.

Danny unlike jazz is a walking red flag, you can tell in your gut that there is something inhuman and terrifying about him and now the bat family is scrabbling to find information about Danny and jazz's past which seems so far to be purposely erased in a way that is so efficient that it's as if it never happened in the first place. The bat family current theory is that Danny is some kind of monster/creature that has infiltrated Jazz's life and altered her memories and that she never had a brother in the first place this corroborates with the fact the while Jazz Fenton existence is very well documented by government, there's virtually no evidence of the existence of Daniel Fenton before he appeared the last month with a fake recently made ID.

The truth is Danny has spent the last six months recovering in the ghost zone from an attempted dissection courtesy of Jack and Maddie Fenton and was being taken care of by his ghost guardians/parents frost bite and clockwork, while healing he discovered the that he really likes "living" in the realms specially after a traumatic experience, not having to deal with humans feels great ! Anyhow, Danny decides that he wants to live full time in the ghost zone and makes a wish to Desiree so his identity both as Phantom and Fenton get erased and the only people who remember that he ever existed are jazz, Sam, tucker and of course the ghosts.  

Jazz wasn't all that happy about the wish, but she understands that it is better that her parents forget Danny's existence, so they can't go after him again also making a new identity together seems easy enough. The reason why jazz got Danny's custody in the first place was because of the agreement she made with clockwork and frost bite that Danny should at least finish high school and get to complete his eighteen birthday on earth, and they were fine with this deal after all is just a few years and ghost children age much slower which means that clockwork and frost bite would also get to raise their kid.

Danny currently is very unhappy with the deal having to live on earth, specially on a city like Gotham, moreover having to deal with Jazz's terrible boyfriend and his family who are treating him like dirt. Well jazz isn't happy either, she loves Jason, but she will not stand anyone treating her brother this badly, so he better step up before he gets dumped.

Note : Out of the bat family, Jason is the one with the most antagonistic attitude towards Danny, the pits recognize him as a threat to their existence and activate a fight or flight response in Jason. He tries to be sneaky and not say anything bad about Danny when his sister is around, but Jazz knows what going on and is deeply disappointed. Also, after six months in the zone, Danny has gotten worse at hiding his ghostly nature.

[annoyingreminder]

10 December 2022

It ended today - the situationship.

For 8.5 months, it was going well. The supporting each other, the constant texts and calls, the communication. I wanted a relationship, but didn't ask for it because I know in the situation he's in, it's not a priority. Plus, I wanted to meet in the near future to go on dates first. So it was all good.

Then he went to Turkey for a two-week film project. Man, was I elated for him! Getting out of the country that's in a dire state must've felt like a deep breath of fresh air. All expenses paid, he gets to explore a little, eat delicious Turkish food, and work on a film project that is a great experience and gained a good network.

Then he went back to Russia. Back to helplessness. It must've felt (and still feels) like getting a taste of freedom, only to have it taken away. The constant fear of getting drafted, the uncertainty of the future (literally of the next minute). As much as I can only imagine how it feels, I'm not feeling it per se, and it must feel even worse.

As he started distracting himself with work and chores, he also started distancing himself from... me. Once-a-day texts became once-every-other-day. No good morning or good night texts. No calls for weeks.

I spoke up and asked what was going on. He's back in his shell like he was a few years ago. He didn't want to say what's on his mind and told me not to be pushy. It's just how men and women deal with problems - women want to talk it out, to get it off their chest; men want space and to figure things out on their own. While I know that, I can't help but feel extremely excluded.

I'm tired of missing him and telling him I miss him. I miss him very much. Not just the physical him which I last saw 4 years ago, but also the virtual him that talks to me and have hope to work things out. But I decided to stop saying it because I feel it would only burden him. And he's got enough on his plate.

I no longer want to try to understand him or figure out what's going on in his mind because he is not mine to solve. I shouldn't psychoanalyse. I shouldn't come up with my own theories and could be's, should be's. If anything, he'll tell me as it is.

I decided I deserve someone who wants me and is willing to share his issues with me, and want to work things out with me. To go through life, as tough as it is, with me. I can't be waiting for 4 days just for him to read and reply to my texts. If you like me, wouldn't you want to talk to me?

He's not wrong from where he's at, and neither am I from where I'm at. It's just... bad timing.

Everything is out of my control. I can't help him. I can't visit him. And that frustrates the hell of me, as someone who finds all ways to get what she wants. This time is different. This time, I couldn't move mountains just to see his face and give him hugs.

My hands are tied.

Maybe it's God's way of stopping me because it's just not in His plan. I'm ready to fork out money (which I have limited) for the entire process from invitation letter to visa to flight tickets. But something as simple as travel insurance for visa application, I just can't obtain. None of the insurance companies in Malaysia covers Russia due to the war. So I literally can't apply for a visa.

Knowing his top love language is Acts of Service, I imagined surprising him at his home, then going to the apartment he's been working on to help him with the DIYs, cooking together, and such.

But I can't.

I thought he still had hopes of meeting and working things out... at least that's what he said. But... his actions don't comply.

I've been anticipating going on dates with him. We have plans - ice skating and cycling, having our favourite bubble tea drinks and shawarma. It sounds amazing to me.

But I guess I won't ever get the chance to anymore and it really hurts.

My friend said there's no relationship to begin with. While that is true, a lack of status does not mean there's no feelings involved. One can't just decide to move away when everything was going fine, no explanation, just because they "don't owe the other person anything cz there's no relationship to begin with". Bullshit.

Anyway, I think it's for the best. For me and for me, that we stop talking. I wanted to meet and go on dates and to figure us out, but none of these are happening anymore. And I don't want replying to my texts to be an obligation of some sort. I want him to actually want to text and talk to me, because I'm important. I want emotion and feelings. I want good times and tough times, to go through them together.

All those nights I used to cry because of work, he was always there for me. My quitting of job and travelling, he was happy for me. My life dilemmas, he was always hearing me out and supportive.

I wanted to be there for him, but he wouldn't let me.

So I decided to give him space. After all, I don't think he wants to text or talk to me. I'm only a nuisance and a reminder of something too far to reach. Something that is just a fairytale, not real life.

I deleted Telegram, the app we use, so that I won't be tempted to reread past messages, rewatch circles he sent. I don't think he as even read my text I sent 5 hours ago, maybe in 3 days time he will.

I think then he would have a breather, and lesser weight on his shoulders.

What I've never told him though, is how much I love him. Because I wanted to only tell him once we've gone on dates and decide we actually like spending time together in person, get into a legit relationship, then tell him those words. I didn't want to carelessly say it, especially when he doesn't feel the same way.

I'm glad I didn't, it would only stress him out even more. I'll get over it eventually. At least I've taken the first step.

He calls me "baby", "sweetie", and "sunshine". I call him "baby" and "squishy". I can't imagine him calling someone else those. But it's inevitable.

He'll always be my squishy though. And I pray life gets better for him soon.

But today... today has been hard for me, and it'll only get harder for awhile.

[strawberry-valentines]

Hi!! May I ask for headcanons with Lawliet crushing on Reader? Like the little things he does when he's crushing hard? Also if you could make the Reader addicted to sweets like him as well? Have a nice day <3

Lawliet with a Sweet-addicted Crush 🍬🍬

AN: Thank you so much for the ask!! I hope you have an amazing day wherever you are ♡♡ (Don't forget you are loved and make sure to stay hydrated <3)

-----------------------------------

☆ L is certainly...interesting when he has a crush.

☆ He is so out of tune with his own emotions that he tends to push away all the signs, chalking them up to admiring you as a colleague. Well at least until they accumulate into something so glaring it can no longer be ignored.

☆ It probably hits him all at once when you are doing something completely ordinary and mundane like just sitting and eating your sweets while you're working. You aren't even paying attention to him right now but...He feels so at peace when you're here.

☆ As he processes that first thought he just...finds himself realizing that you are the most valuable person in his circle. He likes your smile...The way you carry your sweets around with you and get so happy when you get to eat them. The way you remind him of himself and don't...Just...the way you ARE.

☆...How your so unique from anyone else hes met.

☆ This absolutely terrifies him and his first reaction is to isolate and reflect. Literally psychoanalyses himself for days to try and figure out why the hell he feels like this...

☆...What makes you so special?

☆ And his conculsion is literally unexplainable in terms he understands. He just...LIKES you.

☆ Once he figures that out he doesn't quite know what to do with said information but...you find him staring at you a lot more when you're around, and sweets you like mysteriously showing up in your bag.

☆ He even shares his OWN with you. Something he would rarely do with anyone...

☆ Besides that he doesn't change dramatically but...Hes noticeably softer with you, toning down his signature bluntness a smidge and getting a bit more passive aggressive when people disagree with your ideas.

"Be quiet all of you. Y/N what is that you were saying? I believe you were trying to bring up a point before these idiots began talking over you."

☆ He wants to hear what you have to say...Your opinions matter greatly to him.

☆If anyone ever pointed it out he would deny it and try to look unaffected but...Oh god does it affect him. Its just an 💫 internal struggle 💫

☆ Before he confesses he probably tries to gauge to see if you feel the same through various tests and checks and well if his conclusion is you feel the same....Your3e in luck.

☆ Probably confesses to you over coffee offhandedly.

"You know Y/N...I didn't ask you here for no reason. I came here to tell you about something quite shocking that has come to my attention as of recently. I have discovered...that my feelings for you have been growing exponentially and...I believe that with you by my side I could win over any case I pursue. To put it simply I am confessing my romantic attraction to you and wish to...be in a relationship with you. I truly hope you feel the same.

[tecchous-thicc-buttocks]

analyzing sadism and violence in bsd

this will contain bsd manga spoilers

let's face it; jouno threatening the living hell out of everything on sight is kinda attractive. same thing with dazai and fyodor's murdering spree, and who knows how many people swoon over chuuya being aggressive and gogol tormenting atsushi. because i know i did.

it's funny, right? but it's just fiction so let's call it hot, shall we?

sadism is generally seen in media as an underlying personality trait, in the sense that it's on par with courage, kindness, being stoic and bubbly and such. it's just something that you accept because you assume it's part of the person and it's totally fine to be sadistic. this is where one distinguishes sadistic impulses from sadistic tendencies.

that's why i'm going to be making an analysis that no one asked for of bsd characters and their relationship with sadism and violence.

warning: all the warnings that come with psychoanalyses yk, terrible grammar, not edited, really really fkking long i'm sorry this got out of hand it's over 10k words-

to start, here's the definition from Britannica:

"Sadism, psychosexual disorder in which sexual urges are gratified by the infliction of pain on another person. [...] Sadism is often linked to masochism (q.v.), in which sexual arousal results from receiving pain, and many individuals respond in either role. The sadist, however, often seeks a victim who is not a masochist, as some of the sexual excitement derives from the victim’s unwillingness. The level and extent of sadistic violence may vary considerably, from infliction of mild pain in otherwise harmless love play to extreme brutality, sometimes leading to serious injury or death. [...] Sadism may be a factor in some violent crimes, particularly rape and murder. The term sadism is occasionally used outside the sexual context, to describe individuals who are purposely cruel or who seem to derive pleasure from humiliating and dominating others in social situations. In this context, some milder forms of sadism are relatively more acceptable, such as the use of humiliating sarcasm as a conversational tool."

to break all of that down simply, i'm going to be using a bunch of characters.

(note: it makes mention often of sadism in the sexual pretense, however, it usually bottoms out into "receives pleasure from hurting others". whether this pleasure is sexual in nature or compensating for an emotional desire for feeling, it is still considered sadism.)

Akutagawa Ryūnosuke

let's start with the man, the myth, the depressed emo

the spineless sadist with undertones of anxiety.

a spineless sadist is defined as following: "They are typically deeply insecure and act like cowards. In anticipation of real danger, they project their hostile fantasies and strike first, hoping thereby to forestall their antagonist and ask questions later. They use aggressive hostility to send the message to others that they aren’t intimidated or fearful, so that they can control their inner feelings and display the exact opposite of how they actually feel. They seek out scapegoats to gang up on, which allows them to assault the exact things that exist within themselves that they want to deny."

if this isn't akutagawa, then i don't know what is.

let's roll back to the beginning of the information we have on him from the very start to understand why power is so important to him.

when he was a child, he lived with about 8 other children as orphans with gin by his side. at some point, these kids heard about information regarding a port mafia shipment, and eventually were killed by the aforementioned, leaving only gin and akutagawa to survive. he went back to get revenge for them, eventually meeting dazai who had murdered all of the port mafia men who killed the children, then offered for the grieving and rage-blind aku to become his subordinate. the wiki describes it best like this:

"In a fit of rage and grief, Akutagawa joined Port Mafia, overcome by a foreign sense of respect he felt towards Dazai."

the reason i love this sentence so much is that it sums up a lot of major points regarding his relationship with dazai; overcome by a foreign sense of respect.

an embodiment of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", his initial reaction when he found dazai must've been something of a shock.

in my interpretation of their relationship, what I would say is that akutagawa has a lingering sense of weakness that he can't shake, not because he isn't strong but because he wasn't born strong. he must look back often on any of his defeats and curse himself over and over again until he reaches the brink of worthlessness in his own mind.

many people say that he's been abused by dazai. yes, but yes. but also no.

akutagawa is a strong individual in a society of strong individuals. in the very beginning of bungou stray dogs, he was mentioned as a warning to atsushi by kunikida. "whatever you do, don't run into this man. and if you do meet him, run for your life," or something along these lines.

i found this interesting since everybody acknowledges his strength, except dazai.

why, might you ask, does dazai not acknowledge him?

part of this is going to be discussed in the dazai section, but it's mostly because akutagawa is no longer looking for something that's attainable.

think of it like a man climbing a mountain; akutagawa has been escalating for his entire life. his scars from his earlier falls still remain tethered onto his body and mind, and he can't get them out of his sight, but he must keep moving up. he must. he can't see any direction but up.

only, he's going up an impossibly steep hill, posing an insurmountable amount of resistance which ultimately lead him to be spending a lot of energy just to stop himself from slipping downwards.

dazai is standing at the top; he sees that the odds are stacked up against akutagawa, but decides not to tell him. in fact, he actually throws a bunch of objects in his general direction as a means to make akutagawa's trek upwards even harder. yes, it would help infinitely if he told aku about his situation, or gave words of reassurance, but either way, it still doesn't help him get to the top that he desires so much.

meaningless analogy? maybe. i feel like we've all climbed a hill or tree at some point in our lives, just for fun. it's fun when you don't fear returning to the base; for akutagawa, this is a pain worse than death.

back to violence though.

imagine you're climbing upwards with all your strength, putting in a ridiculous amount of energy and never resting for a moment, despite having life and the person you respect most working against you.

then this furry fucking pulls up and climbs the neighboring mountain, which has a much more suitable terrain and he's equipped with the latest gear and tech, and your mentor is head over heels for him.

akutagawa and atsushi's relationship isn't something i would personally call "romantic" to all you shin-soukouku shippers, but ship what you will, idc.

all that i know for sure is that akutagawa must feel terrible constantly comparing himself to him, which is why he won't hesitate to to physically injure or challenge him.

he's lashing out because he feels inferior.

he's lashing out because he's projecting his own terror onto others and wants to vanquish them.

he's lashing out because he's trying to seem intimidating, ruthless and his own ideal of perfection.

there's a very good chance that akutagawa feels great while landing blows on atsushi, or any enemy in general, really. but afterwards? nothing. he goes back to feeling inferior and treating his strength like it's not enough, treating himself like he's not enough.

similarly, he displays physical violence when interacting with kyouka, his own apprentice. he frequently acknowledges her ability's strength (not in helping others, but in hurting people). which is terrible given that, once again, he is projecting his own relationship with dazai. just because he wants dazai to call him strong, he decides to do the same. whether this is because he wants to be a better mentor or because he sees himself in kyouka (or both), it's a matter of perspective. the important thing to take away is that he overcompensates for flaws that aren't even his, which is a reason that i believe that he doesn't particularly enjoy hurting anybody after he's realized what he's done. he just likes the feeling of power it gives him temporarily.

he also treats her the same way he would treat his past self. if baby aku and present aku (not the vampire one tho, the alive one) met, he would likely treat himself the same way he treats kyouka; harshly and trying to ingrain this ideology of weakness of heart being equivalent to weakness of mind being equal to being unfit to live. spineless sadists often do this; hide their weaknesses by acting in an opposing way to their true nature.

also, there have been numerous signs that akutagawa doesn't want to be a sadist, deep down, even if he shows he is. he's terrified of appearing weak to others, even if he likely truly wants to be vulnerable with someone, anyone, even himself.

especially himself.

if we were to correlate this with all of his displays of violence, it makes sense. he is the violent individual who is violent to make up for the softness of his heart, which he sees as a flaw.

my favourite part of bsd is the fact that they're linked to real people, so of course i'm going to drag the real akutagawa into this.

he died of an overdose.

dazai kinnie? no. towards the end of his life, akutagawa began suffering from visual hallucinations and anxiety over the fear that he had inherited his mother's mental disorder (his mother was a very important figure in both his life and his writing. in the latter, most women were seen as "dominant" and "threatening", while men were the victims, which makes me think he was likely a victim of toxic masculinity and societal tendencies that required him to be strong.)

his last works were mostly autobiographic in nature, so i recommend reading Tenkibo and Daidōji Shinsuke no hansei for a better look into the man behind the character.

to sum this all up, akutagawa's violence was like a drug, something he'd use over and over again, even if it made him feel like shit afterwards and he knew that he didn't truly desire it.

what he desired was just a pat on the back and "you're amazing, aku" from somebody, anybody at all.

Gogol Nikolai

"the longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes."

if this quote from irl gogol doesn't describe him perfectly, then idk what would.

the machiavellianist with undertones of factitious tendencies

it took me everything in my being not to make this post 99% about gogol because i find his character to be the most relatable and beautiful of all the bsd characters so far.

maybe it's because humans find beauty in the broken things.

gogol's character is mostly based on his desire for freedom, which i think many people misinterpret in so many ways.

but let's rewind.

what is machiavellianism and factitious tendencies?

"in the field of personality psychology, machiavellianism is a personality trait centered on manipulativeness, callousness, and indifference to morality."

to put it simply, it's rather similar to psychopathy. however, there's a fundamental difference on many levels. they are both part of the dark triad (along with narcissism) and refer to a branch of psychology that is morally inept, those who are most at risk of committing crimes, regardless of whether they feel remorse or not afterwards.

whereas psychopathy says that "violence is power", don't know how to deal with others' emotions given that they themselves can't feel much and don't feel the difference between right and wrong; machiavellianism says "violence is necessary", are emotionally calculated and know the difference between right and wrong, but fail to acknowledge it.

so, clearly gogol is machiavellianist, right?

wrong.

he is living in a lie that he fabricated for himself, which is where the factitious tendencies come from. factitious disorder in and of itself is a serious mental disorder in which someone deceives others by appearing sick, by purposely getting sick or by self-injury.

very little is known about this mental illness due to the amount of deceit regarding it, but most agree that lying about your physical and mental health is done to receive sympathy.

based on my knowledge, i believe that they most likely lie in order to gain acceptance from themselves, whether sympathy from others is a medium in order to achieve it or not.

now, why would gogol want acceptance from himself? he's hot af and could rip this 🅱ussy in half any day of the week 😍😍😍

sorry. back to being serious. (that isn't to say i wasn't serious when i said HE COULD RIP THIS-)

gogol seeks freedom, this is the most evident thing that has been mentioned explicitly in the manga and is canon.

but freedom... from what?

here's an excerpt from his conversation with atsushi:

In another scene, he explains the following: "Yet, Dos-kun was different. He said, 'Splendid. In opposition to god, you are fighting to lose sight of yourself'. It moved me deeply. He was looking into my essence. Dos-kun was the one person in my life who understood. My intimate friend. That's what I thought. And then I realized..."

first off, all of this is kinda gay bro.

second, i love what fyodor said. "you are fighting to lose sight of yourself".

remember the factitious undertones to the sadism? yeah, that's it.

gogol feels things. he feels guilt when he murders and hurts others, he feels empathy enough to decide to let his victims die in a somewhat sparing way (meaning he let them believe he was insane. somehow, believing that you're being killed by another human being rather than a monster who is out of their mind brings peace to us. humans are such odd creatures.) in short, he feels things. he is not a psychopath. he is not entirely machiavellianist, even if his actions say he is.

back to the initial question. what does gogol desire freedom from?

he wants to be free from his emotions.

one theory i've seen somewhere, which i agree wholeheartedly with, is that he said he wanted to kill fyodor because fyodor represents his empathy, in a way. this is someone who understands him, who he considers his "close friend".

whether you ship or not, there's an undeniable connection between the two characters. it's sort of like when you drop out of school to join a gang; wouldn't it be better to start fresh? to remove all the remnants of the old days?

now, all that's left is to cut off him off from existence.

one question i have that i can't answer in a rhetorically intelligent way is why the fuck would he want to take away his humanity?

if someone sees their humanity as a restraint, something that keeps them from flying off with their own wings, don't you think it would be safe to assume that there must be something so terrible that scares them off, like birds flying off a tree branch as soon as they are shaken or they hear a loud noise, like a gunshot or a scream?

gogol likely desires to have control over his emotions. since emotions are uncontrollable things, he decides that he'd much rather be rid of them.

these restraints, these limitations to his freedom, so to speak, are just further proof that he's trying to convince himself of something. he's taking "fake it 'til you make it" to the extreme.

he wants to be able to murder people without having a mask on. he wants to be unburdened by empathy and sadness. he wants to live a life in which he isn't truly living.

this draws a beautiful parallel between him and dazai, but i'll get into this later on.

for gogol, violence is an escape. he feels great thinking about it, he feels great hurting others, and he feels great afterwards.

at least, he wants to feel that way.

(which is contradictory; does he want to feel nothing, or does he want to feel no empathy? in my opinion, he wants a little bit of both)

he's a clown, really. he makes us laugh and presents playfulness while tormenting atsushi. however, he isn't just a joker; he's a person behind his mask too. this is why i started by saying that he's a sad story hidden behind a funny one. once you truly get to know him, you realize that there's an emptiness in his soul. a dead soul.

for this reason, gogol suffers a lot, in my opinion. more so than the majority of bsd characters, which is already a lot. he has a hollow heart that craves to be whole, which in turn craves to be unbreakable, causing him to display a hollow heart. he's layers upon layers of lies to the point where he can't tell if he genuinely enjoys violence or not.

as someone who struggles with a similar loss of truth on a daily basis, I can tell you that it's more terrorizing than feeling pain flat out, it's like a shadow creeping out of your closet. if you knew for a fact that it was nothing, you could sleep soundly or tell yourself that it isn't real. if you knew that it was a person, you could react adequately; but what would you do if you don't know what it is? you can't sleep but can't lay awake, constantly second-guessing yourself until you've gone totally mad. for gogol, this "shadow" is a representation of his emotions, and he can't be at peace so long as he can't tell what's going on. no wonder he'd want it - whether good or bad - gone, for good. he'd finally be free to be at peace with himself and the world.

now, linking it to the real gogol.

Nikolai Gogol's greatest and most renowned work was Dead Souls (funny, isn't it? what he has and/or what he desires most is a dead soul) in which the main character ran around buying dead people in legal terms in order to get money out of it. he was a con man, that Chichikov, a faint resemblance to the bsd version.

Funnier still was that the book has no ending.

He burnt it.

A priest (some people argue that he had fallen in love with said priest and that he was undoubtedly gay) told him that his second volume was sinful and that he should destroy it.

If I had to relate this to the character, i would say it shows two things about gogol;

he still has a moral compass, a sense of what is right and what is wrong; he will listen to others and by listen, i mean truly listen to what they're saying, and then take in consideration their words. (personally, i'd've wished he told the priest to go fuck himself and walked away so that i could read the end >:( )

second, he isn't attached to his work. after spending sleepless nights, days upon weeks upon months writing a book, would you throw it out as easily as that? i don't think i would. does this mean he valued that priest's opinion a lot? or did he maybe desire to display his detachment to reality, that he was perfectly capable of discarding the item and moving on with his life? to convince himself that he was capable of doing as he willed, not as his emotions willed?

i guess we'll never truly know.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

the mass murderer and terrorist. i wonder how he made it onto my list.

the enforcing sadist with undertones of narcissism and psychopathy

god i love talking about fyodor.

he's often reduced, just like his fanon bff gogol, to a shadow of himself. "stinky anemic rat with a god complex".

can't say i don't love the slander as well, but he's so much more than that.

when gifted with superhuman abilities, most people wouldn't say "ew this is gross, god wouldn't allow this so it's time to go murder everyone and sabotage society".

however, he's not like other girls ⛓🥀🖤👨‍🎤

OK I PROMISE I'M DONE NOW I THINK BACK TO THE POINT

fyodor is not a full on psychopath, people.

get this in your heads before i make an entire post dedicated solely to explain why he's not a psychopath.

first of all, psychopathy is a SPECTRUM. we all have a little psychopathy in us, and it's not particularly a terrible thing. fyodor may rank highly on this spectrum, but he is predominantly lenient towards narcissism

psychopaths care little about their own prosperity and have trouble sticking to long-term relationships and plans, which partially explains his inability to take care of himself. but idk fyodor, i don't think you created your plan to wipe out all ability users in the world overnight. his lack of self-care could very well be the product of something else, a lack of energy from his anemia or a disregard for his own health in the face of his goal.

this doesn't mean he doesn't fit a lot of the criteria; he lacks empathy for others, is emotionally calculated and doesn't burst out in rage or sadness.

...which ends up being countered as well. if he were a true psychopath, he'd be a lot less surprised in the end of season 3 when he got caught; instead, he'd've shrugged and been like "oh". he equally would probably not derive pleasure from something small like classical music and playing the cello.

he also leans towards narcissism; he believes he is the only one destined to do this. i see him as being emotionally equivalent to the main character of Notes From Underground; he has this blatant belief that he's better than others and knows that he thinks he's better than others.

from this reason, i've been going back and forth between "he's a psychopath", "no he isn't", "yes he is", "what if he was a narcissist?", "SHUT UP I'M DEBATING WHETHER HE'S A PSYCHOPATH OR NOT! "

it's the same tale in his relationship with violence and sadism; he doesn't feel empathy for his victims. i doubt he thought about bby karma a single time since killing him. he lives in the grey area between "i don't care, period," and "i am the only one who is allowed to kill them because i'm the chosen one so it's okay if i don't care."

the enforcing sadist is another term i've thrown into there. enforcing sadists tend to be people with other authoritative functions who feel they should be the ones controlling and punishing people who have broken rules, regulations or laws, which immediately signals narcissism.

i find fyodor's religious view important as well, actually. you might've overlooked it, as has most of the fandom, but he often says "sin" and mentions god when discussing his virtues and motives.

you'd think a religious man would be just a TAD bit less murderous.

fyodor believes his violence is justified, though, which dehumanizes the victim for him.

he sees the crime, he inflicts the punishment.

everything he does is for god, or his beliefs, so why wouldn't he enjoy it?

in current society, religion is being given less and less importance. back in the time and location of irl fyodor, however, it must've been big, explaining why he mentions it.

he is actually the only one who mentions his devotion to god frequently out of all the bsd characters.

why, why? that is the question, why the devotion?

some people stick to religion because of culture; others because they were forced to by their family; a select few because of instances of inexplicable moments occurring in their lives that drive them to seek answers in the skies; not to forget the majority that stick to it because they believe.

fyodor believes. boil it down to "communism" if you will, but he likely believes in the equality of all men. or maybe, he just sees power as untrustworthy in the hands of "mere mortals" (i agree, and so do tons of past philosophers. even socrates criticized democracy because it gave power to idiots and educated people alike, which is why i think fyodor might believe this as well)

unpopular opinion: fyodor is incapable of genuine happiness.

i believe he might experience brief schadenfreude (enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others), but accomplishing things just go through his head.

everything goes according to plan, and then he makes another plan.

it's a way of surviving, but not of living.

he has a deep character that is dumbed down to a genius, but where's the beauty in being a genius?

geniuses lack this fundamental connection to other people because they're often considered beneath them. this is the same with dazai, who can't emotionally connect because he knows he won't be understood, which in turn makes him belittle their value.

so, does fyodor fit the bill for a sadist? does he enjoy hurting others?

i don't particularly think so.

he just hurts others because he "has to", and doesn't feel much during, before or after it. perhaps to say he doesn't feel much is going too far; i'm sure watching others squeal and squirm under his grip inflates his sense of self-worth and self-importance, but very limitedly.

a particular point i'd like to make was when fyodor "removed feeling from Ivan's brain". sir, how the fuck did you do that. part of his ability? perhaps. in that case, it's very plausible he used it on himself.

now, onto irl Fyodor.

he was a philosopher on top of writer, and is no stranger to death. if i recall correctly, his wife and children died during his lifetime (he remarried though, partially to get out of his financial debt), and was arrested in 1849 for belonging to a literary group that discussed banned books critical of Tsarist Russia, he was sentenced to death but the sentence was commuted at the last moment. he spent four years in a Siberian prison camp, followed by six years of compulsory military service in exile. yikes. that's bound to expose you to a nasty part of humanity, which was evident in his writing and books.

The House of the Dead has a lot of information on this. In the first few chapters especially, MC discusses how terrible it is to be in isolation and how it can drive a man mad. if you want to read a dostoy book, check out Crime and Punishment, but if you're going for a closer look at his life, that is the book to read.

so, prone to violence? no, not necessarily. but he's been around it and has seen what it does to people, all the terrible things that exist. (read his books btw they're so nicely written, dark but there's trickling beauty in his darkness)

tl;dr: he's a stinky anemic rat with a god complex

Teruko Ōkura

child with anger issues.

jkjk i love her she's so pretty like pls step on me

the explosive sadist with severe mood swings, potential borderline personality disorder (?)

the question mark next to bpd was very much intentional.

now, it's pretty obvious why i included this, given her apparent mood swings. she goes from threatening everyone in the vicinity to sucking up to fukuchi in a split second.

(very small side note: i believe her attitude towards fukuchi needs more attention. why would she be so obedient towards him in contrast with every single person she meets? i have a small theory that she might have some kind of a past with him that mirrors yosano's with mori, that she was recruited for her ability/talent by fukuchi and it actually went well. eerily so. @ asagiri, gimme answers ho 👹)

back to her violent nature.

an explosive sadist is described as "those who are prone to losing control, known for being unpredictably violent. this manifests through tantrums, fearsome attacks on others, especially family members, and uncontrollable rage."

there's a but.

1) let's not kid ourselves, she's a queen and she deserves praise. when you put aside her personality and attitude, she clearly has some strong ideals under that terrorizing expression. what needs to be emphasized is that she doesn't hide her ideals under her sadism, like nikolai, nor does she use this mask to protect her true thoughts, like dazai.

her sadism is directly linked to her belief in the goodness of society.

it's really amazing how well this was displayed in the manga, and frankly i'd like to see more of it, but she had a moment, right before kicking the shit out of sigma, where she was being genuine in her explanation of the hunting dogs and her belief.

"Without order, people 'built for violence' would end up standing above the population. A world like that would be garbage. Therefore, if the Hunting Dogs exercise the strongest power as society's servants… We are searing the flames of order into our own selves."

she explains that she and the hunting dogs go through monthly surgeries to maintain their superhuman bodies.

why is she explaining this?

to make it perfectly clear how strong she is

part of her sadism comes from a domineering sense of superiority that she displays frequently. she is allowed to threaten jouno and get away with it because she is strong and could very easily kill any of them, or damn well torture them out of their minds with a flick of the pinky.

most strong bsd characters either don't think they are strong (akutagawa), overestimate their strength (fitzgerald, sigma) or are perfectly content letting their actions prove their strength to others (most of them, such as dazai, fyodor, mori, chuuya).

what makes teruko different is that she constantly reminds everyone of her wrath.

if you're so pissed all the time, just kill someone? wouldn't that be easier than constantly threatening everyone around?

clearly, it's not all bark and no bite. she does bite, and she bites rather hard. no, the reason she threatens everyone is because she has a faint trace of superiority that she enjoys.

sadists typically enjoy being in control. for teruko, she likes to see other people cower before her, once they've gotten over the initial shock of her age/personality. afterwards, she makes it painstakingly clear that she could kill them at any moment; that's what she loves the most about violence. yes, she may enjoy it during the moment, or perhaps afterwards looking back, but she loves the foreplay of the violence, if you will. she likes riling them up and asserting dominance over this person before physically destroying them.

i believe this is the reason she explained herself as a hunting dog to sigma. she didn't have to give her mini speech, but she does anyways. she shows him that he's severely overestimating himself, that the "desperation" he regards as his biggest strength is in fact just a daily part of life out in the real world.

after gouging out her ear to avoid his attack in chapter 76, this is what happens:

Sigma: "Do you see, hunting dog? This is it! Everything I've attained here, the strength of my feelings!"

Teruko: "...'The strength of my feelings', you said? Then, I'll ask... Why do you feel? When the one carrying that strength of feeling is you alone?

(yet another side note: i won't be analyzing sigma, but i would like to insert a small remark here. contrary to fanon sigma where he's baby and anxious all the time and we should protecc, he's actually so much more violent in canon. he tried to get innocent civilians to fight against the hunting dogs, a very dangerous unit, basically jeopardizing their lives just to save himself and his casino. he pulled teruko down with him in order to save the casion, basically trying to kill her (he did try to straight up kill her multiple times tho). desperation and anxiety makes people a lot more violent than we give them credit for, so no, sigma is NOT baby. more like a temperamental toddler that could very well ruin your life.)

this brings us to our second point:

2) she believes her violence is motivated. notice how she singled out Sigma because of the fact that he operates alone?

evidently she takes great pride in her cause with the hunting dogs, despite all of the sacrifices she's made to reach her current level, i.e. physical endurance and alterations.

so, the satisfaction from violence, for her, stems from the feeling of accomplishment and duty, not the actual pain. when she explodes and threatens people, it's more likely a side effect of living in the kind of dangerous environment that the hunting dogs operate in (if i were a child battling with some of the strongest adults in the world, i'd make sure i make my mark, too. in a competitive world like this one, you have to fight for your spot and maintain it, which is also a reason she gave that speech to Sigma, she's known desperation too and finds it insulting that he believes he can reach her strength with that alone).

here i'm supposed to talk about irl Teruko but it's criminal how little information there is about her.

if someone finds something, let me know please!

Mori Ōgai

his description should include child abuser.

the tyrannical sadist with undertones of psychopathy.

before i start, i need to clarify a very important detail.

i don't endorse mori's actions, he is a pedophile and that is disgusting. however, his entire personality isn't just that, and for that reason i'm going to be analyzing him objectively. if mentions of pedophilia trigger you, skip this section because i will be mentioning it often.

out of all the bsd cast, he's the most likely to be a psychopath.

i'd absolutely love to see more Mori content. not where he's traumatizing children though, more like his backstory.

the abuse that affected dazai, akutagawa and kyouka, as well as most port mafia members and yosano all started with him. he's ground 0, yet there isn't a reason for his behavior.

since we can't see the past, let's work with what we have

mori is greatly detached from emotions, both his own and others'

he's ruthless. he treats death like a game. he hasn't shown any specific scenes in which he demonstrated raw emotion, which is where my conclusion that he ranks very highly on the psychopathic spectrum stems from.

his calmness is eerie. in his first appearance, he was trapped in Anne's Room and did not once panic. he remained calm when he discovered tachihara was a double agent, when akutagawa failed in capturing atsushi he said that "effort is what matters, results come second".

which is crazy, when you think about it. after all, he'd killed and manipulated such a large amount of people, yet he doesn't take failure of his subordinates to heart? why could that be?

easy.

he doesn't have a heart.

I don't often like decreeing that, since there's usually a story behind the heartlessness, and eventually some kind of soul under all those layers of trauma, but plain as day, Mori sees violence as nothing more than violence.

it hurts people. when hurting people is advantageous for him, he hurts them. when hurting people is not advantageous for him, he doesn't hurt them.

it's simple; the epitome of reasoning and logic without emotions clouding your judgement.

he prefers manipulating children because they're simply easier to control than adults whose ideals and personalities have, for the most part, already matured.

he is a tyrannical sadist, where forcing his victims to cower and submit gives him satisfaction. but he's not even that sadistic; sadism is, as i said before, deriving pleasure from other people's pain. Mori's pleasure is indirect; he doesn't necessarily like inflicting the pain (nor does he dislike it), he likes seeing the aftermath.

The aftermath being; brainwashed people and children who do everything he says; getting held in either high respect or high fear (sometimes a mix of both) by those around him; achieving his goals, as he did for yosano's arc where he forced her to heal soldiers and eventually mentally broke her, and being able to get the port mafia to thrive.

Another thing i want to mention when it comes to his tendency towards violence is that he rarely implements it directly himself, likely because this is logically the least advantageous of many options. he prefers, such as in the case where he leaked naomi and haruno's hideout to the guild. he didn't even have to fight anybody, and lessened the port mafia's workload by having the ADA and guild fight each other.

and in the end all he had to do was say the right words to the right person in order to ruin everybody else's lives.

the few times where his implication is direct is, unfortunately, when dealing with children. as seen with elise, his literal ability who conforms to what he wants her to be (meaning that he makes her bratty because it legit gives him sexual satisfaction what the actual fuck-) aka a bratty child who rebels against his orders.

just like dazai and yosano

in yosano's case, he did in fact break her, but this was in a different environment than dazai. they were in war. his goal was to demonstrate how useful ability users are to warfare, and she just happened to be a slightly bratty, naive girl who had a strong ability and no sense of what awaited her. he quite literally picked her up from the bakery or wtv where she worked and said "you have to heal all these dying people, who will be sent into battle and then come back to be healed once again". she was set up for failure, and i'm certain mori was aware of this. but did he care much? partially, for he doesn't like failure, but mori doesn't dread failure too much. if it happens, he moves on, just as how he came back for her after a while when she'd gotten taken in custody and said "get in loser we're going shopping" and invited her into the port mafia. she would've, had fukuzawa not came in and intervened, which makes her in a way somewhat lucky.

for dazai, this is a bit more complicated. he is very similar to mori in his actions and thinking, but is emotionally a fundamentally different person. mori knew that they were similar, and that's what scared him the most; fyodor had a similar approach, saying that dazai was the only person whose mind he "couldn't read", aka that he was unstable and unpredictable, which is what essentially caused controlling him becoming very difficult for mori, especially as someone who has trouble understanding emotions. he prompted oda to go take down mimic by leaking the information about the orphans, knowing fully well that oda would likely die. what he didn't expect was that dazai would react to his death by defecting, not delving further into the darkness. mori knew that dazai's intellect could very well one day be his undoing, and for that reason paid him special attention. however, it's still very difficult to deal with dazai, for reasons i'll get to later on.

i think his attraction towards children stems from a pleasure in seeing them raw. adults and older individuals are usually more self-conscious, constantly trying to prove to themselves and others that they're strong. mori knows how to deal with them because their emotions, their thoughts, their actions are so painfully predictable and easy to manipulate.

children, on the other hand, are much more brash and often think themselves the center of the universe. they have character, they have more unpredictable emotions, and when they get emotional, they get mf emotional. he sees this as both a challenge and a convenience; they're easy to manipulate, much more desirable to change the essence of a person when they're young, yet they still provide that futile bit of resistance, a characteristic shown often in the young girls which he preys on (yosano, elise)

however, he isn't 100% psychopathic.

he has goals. he respects certain people (natsume soseki). he is still capable of somewhat understanding other people's emotions.

therefore, mori's relationship with violence is complex, but down to the basics? he thinks it is power and uses it when needed, not excessively or anything though. he's a remarkable man, that i have to admit, and gets shit done, at the expense of everyone else around him's mental stability.

now, onto his irl.

his relationship with elise is, obviously, a demonstration of Mori's relationship with his daughter, Mari, who was also an author. he died when she was only 19, but afterwards she wrote extensively about her relationship with her father. Starting with her 1961 novella, A Lovers' Forest, she wrote tragic stories about love affairs between older men and boys in their late teens which influenced the creation of the Yaoi genre, stories about male-male relationships, written by women for women.

that last bit had little relevance lmao i just wanted to share that with someone.

he had to suffer through the war, which might be the reason why the bsd character is so prone to strategic intellect, but he was in fact also very talented, being an army surgeon, translator, multilingual and a writer. i respect the irl counterpart for his hard work, but clearly he had a questionable relationship with his daughter so NVM-

Jouno Saigiku

the literal canon sadist.

the presumed psychopath who is in fact just your everyday sadist.

i won't be spending too long on jouno because his psyche isn't actually as complex as one can believe.

he's the product of his upbringing; sort of the same way as when, as a kid, you slowly learn over time certain things. for example, if you want candy, you have to ask an adult nicely for it, say please and thank you, and that you have to be polite about it, if you cry and throw a tantrum you won't get the candy.

jouno was trained to figure out that if he wants candy, he can just take it.

it is mentioned that, before becoming a hunting dog, he used to be a criminal executive, which is where his belief in doing wrong stems from. as he explained it himself,

"I just want to hurt people in the name of the law, corner them, and hear the sound of their destruction. […] I am a public evil. No matter how many criminals I torment, society will only give me praise and success for it."

this is 1) proof that his sadism stems not from a lack of emotions or a desire for certain emotions, but it's simply the way he was brought up. if a strong individual finds out they can take everything they want by force, who's to tell them that they can't? 2) he doesn't gain particular satisfaction from hurting others, he's simply indifferent to it. it's what he knows how to do.

for example, when interrogating the civilians, he didn't hesitate to showcase his strength and, most importantly, how unregulated it is. he could beat them up or kill them if he wanted to, the only reason he didn't was that tecchou was there.

i don't believe that he sees anything inherently wrong in his behavior; he knows his actions are wrong morally, but they're praised in society, so does that truly make them wrong? nevertheless, he still has a moral compass, as was demonstrated when he declined fukuchi's offer to join the decay of angels.

so, a bad boy? not really. jouno was just bred to value ruthless actions and keeps it as his modus operandi due to habit. he's a good man, though, and I would very much trust him with my life.

for his irl counterpart, once again there isn't much info on him.

from what i know, he was a gesaku writer, which is a school of Japanese literature that is basically playful, mocking, joking, silly, or frivolous, all alluding to his personality. like i said; nothing exceptional about his sadism. it's just fun and games, and it's harmless. in this case, i would classify it as sadistic tendencies rather than sadistic impulses.

Dazai Osamu

the one and only suicidal maniac

(whose relationship with death is rather intriguing, but i'll get to that later)

the machiavellianist who just wants to feel something.

first of all i need people to STOP saying they kin dazai as if it's their only personality trait. i'm going to repeat this a thousand times because i physically cannot keep reiterating this to everyone who claims to be a dazai kinnie

he is more complex than simply being suicidal

in fact, i would go so far as to say that he isn't truly suicidal. but i'll leave that for last, because isn't death the epitome of violence?

there's also a significant difference between the three "phases" of dazai, if you will; dazai before he met chuuya, dazai before odasaku's death, dazai after odasaku's death

as you can notice, the three segments of his life are not revolving around an important event, but around people.

that is the first sign that dazai has empathy and emotions, thus is not a psychopath.

similarly to gogol, he is a machiavellianist: (recap for those who don't remember, machiavelleniasm says "violence is necessary", are emotionally calculated and know the difference between right and wrong, but fail to acknowledge it.)

where he and gogol differ is their desire for emotions.

dazai wants to feel something. gogol wants to feel nothing.

dazai welcomes pain. gogol wants to be rid of it.

dazai is fighting against his past to become a better person. gogol is fighting against his past to become a worse person.

now, for that last segment, dazai isn't necessarily trying to become a better person, per se; and gogol isn't trying to become worse. the former is simply attempting to embrace his emotions more often, while the latter is trying everything in his power to get rid of his.

now, how does this play into his relationship with violence?

notice how the machiavellianist says "violence is necessary"? that's a key point; dazai doesn't feel good about his violence. pre-chuuya, he obviously felt nothing about hurting others, nothing with a hint of catharsis. as shown in the gif above, he's shooting that man over and over again, even if it's not necessary, which is where the slight catharsis comes into play.

however, it doesn't truly let his emotions out. it's a bit like self-hypnosis, you get into a groove and cannot stop because there's something trance-like in the way that he keeps shooting, over and over again. it's something he has control over. it's something that is simple. it's something that doesn't require emotional strain.

dark era dazai, on the other hand, doesn't have that erraticism of his younger counterpart. if you will, his relationship with violence matured; he doesn't use it excessively.

it is during this phase of his life that he most resembles mori.

after odasaku's death, everything changes (a large amount of analyses about why this is have been written. I recommend going to check those out because I won't be talking about why his view of the world changed, but what impact it had on his sadistic tendencies).

dazai no longer sees violence as the only way.

but it's still an option.

something that can be pointed out as a factor of how much importance he attributes violence is how often he puts on his mask of being a goofy, laid back individual.

you see it around 15 when he teases chuuya; yes, he's broken. yes, he commits a lot of murder. but he doesn't hurt the children. he doesn't have this cloud of darkness that follows him everywhere he goes, unlike dark era dazai, for whom silly moments are much less frequent. then, there's ada dazai, who is simply always in the mood to annoy kunikida.

it's a pretty accurate rep of how sadistic he is because dazai is unable to feign happiness.

(a quick reminder that happiness and light-heartedness are two distinct things.)

dazai can act carefree, but he cannot act genuinely alright. there's a subtle difference between the two, and for that reason they've been mistaken for each other on many occasions.

when dazai is light-hearted, he somewhat enjoys the violence, meaning that he doesn't mind it. it's simply a part of his day and doesn't affect him.

when dazai is happy, he avoids violence. he will get someone else to do the dirty work, and even then he'll chose the most pacifistic solution.

unlike some of the other characters, dazai's emotions does not rely on his violence, but his violence relies on his emotions.

to put it in another way, how much pain he's willing to inflict is based on his mood, which is the opposite of, for example, akutagawa who attacks in order to repress his fear and feel better about himself (sadly, it doesn't work).

onto akutagawa, who was the victim of his abuse.

aku felt respect for dazai's machiavellanism. he looked up to this man who was (or at least appeared) indifferent towards violence and said, "i want to be like that".

in turn, dazai saw aku as a sort of toy to play with.

it's a power that he wanted over his own emotions, but was unable to get. so, he decided to mimic his desire but over someone else's emotions.

it's a basic sadomasochistic tendency; to project yourself into another person and take control by hurting them.

he dissociates from the world, and views it all as if he himself is no longer a human, and then takes a certain pleasure of tormenting this other person as if he were tormenting himself. it is for that reason that he is violent when light-hearted; light hearted is a façade, a mask he puts on in order to hide the fact that he feels empty.

dazai's emotions are a beautifully complex thing and it just breaks my heart when i tell people about him and they say "oh yeah, that's the guy that's suicidal right??"

if he truly wanted death, he works in a pretty dangerous field and could go out. he has no family holding him back and with the mindset he has, he might believe that all his friends don't care about the real him, just the "dazai show" he puts on. so really, nothing is stopping him.

that's where his boredom comes into play; while in Meursault, he told fyodor that at first it was fun, but now he was getting bored and they should start to think about getting out.

this also applies to his mood swings, and hence his violence.

dazai gets more sadistic when things become dull.

or, inversely, when he himself begins to fall into a mind melding routine. you see, dazai hates the idea of letting his feelings settle among the dust. instead of, as many millennials might opt to do, curl up into a ball and act lethargic and listless in your day to day activities, thus worsening your mental state by doing nothing to stop its decline, dazai actually decides to shake it up. it keeps him alive and allows him to continue to teeter on the thin tightrope he created for himself out of fleeting moments of energy, hovering over a vast expanse of a field of death and despair to which he nearly succumbed several times.

i won't be drawing the comparison between dazai in the anime and irl dazai because there's so much to unpack and he's an emotionally complex character. so, go read No Longer Human and tell me yourself what you think!!

Fukuchi Ōchi

literally everyone hates his guts. enforcing sadist as well as spineless sadist all mixed up into one cocktail of major dickhead.

woah woah, let's slow down there, did i just classify him as the same type of sadist as.. aku??

give me a second. I'm getting there, sheesh 🙄

i'm going to be putting personal hatred for the man asides, because I think a lot of people immediately label him "dickhead" and forget to understand him first, just as with Mori.

Fukuchi is a war hero. he went to the same academy as fukuzawa and things were great... until he enlisted in the Great War. he saw and was forced by the government to torture women, children, men and all other genders and eventually couldn't take it all, began harboring a hatred for the government for creating this disgusting war.

it was all he ever knew, war. he came to believe he was "born on the battlefield".

here's an extract from the bsd wiki to show what kind of change happened afterwards:

Despite these facts, 12 years ago, he was invited to the opening of the Armed Detective Agency where he drunk himself silly, caused a ruckus, and urinated all over the newly made Agency doorplate which Ranpo saw and was disgusted by. Despite the shameful actions, Fukuzawa interpreted them to be a sign of grief and wailing that he had found his life's purpose one step ahead of him and that he was lonely because of that fact. It was on this day that Fukuzawa told Ranpo that he trusted Fukuchi more than anyone in the world, which reinforced Ranpo's trust in him based solely on blind faith alone, while Fukuzawa was completely oblivious to his friend's hatred and bitterness towards him.

after that, he created the hunting dogs and amped up his battle, fighting all kinds of huge threats and eventually becoming Kamui from the Decay of the Angels.

i don't blame him.

if you look at it from an objective point of view, Fukuchi is, just as Fukuzawa suggested, a grief-stricken man. he saw death, experienced it, caused it; death was all he'd ever known.

there are two ways to react to that, to crave light dearly but still enclose yourself in the darkness, as Kyouka did.

or, you can rebel against it all.

tachihara rebelled against his family, nikolai rebelled against his emotions, akutagawa rebelled against his fears. fukuchi is the same, only he rebelled against the goddamn world, and that isn't an exaggeration.

circling back to violence, fukuchi isn't a particularly violent individual. i wouldn't say he loves it, nor hates it. he himself is a erratic person in terms of hygiene and shame, doing borderline disgusting things such as throwing up from drinking too much, farting, flat out saying that he's still young because his ass cheeks are still fucking peachy.

these are all coping methods

when you start to belittle the value of life of others, your own seems to be less important as well, in certain senses. his pride, his image, they all don't matter in the end; he's still a tool of murder.

now, for someone who is so against war, he seems just a little too eager to start one.

he's been praised all his life for his skill and ability, his ego must be huge at this point. with all this power, why wouldn't he think that he's the only one fit enough to fix the world? the book is a very powerful thing, and he believes himself in charge of it, and thus the entire globe.

he clearly doesn't spend too much time dealing with his doa subordinates (fyodor is about to fight to the death and gogol who orchestrated this is literally waving his hand in the air and asking sigma to get him popcorn). this is a sign that Fukuchi sees them more as tools, and he doesn't even need them all that much.

he's a hypocrite. an enforcing sadist who believes he's the only one who is allowed to kill thousands in order to bring world peace, yet he hates war. a spineless sadist who is lashing out at the universe because, as Fukuzawa pointed out, he's lonely.

The guy is really just lonely.

It's the saddest of all the bungou stray dog characters' stories, in my opinion. Not because it's tragic, or because it speaks to my heart, but because he'll never have a happy ending, nor will he have a happy middle.

He's a sad old man who keeps digging himself deeper in his troubles with the very same violence he hates, and I think he knows it; but he's too deep in, now, to see the sunlight.

and for what is he digging this hole? why does no one tell him that he's not mining for gold, but digging his own grave?

And when he dies eventually, ruler of the world or not?

No one at his funeral would truly know him.

bonus: Tetchō Suehiro

the loml.

the pacifistic soldier who, despite his job, still desires to protect those with a good heart.

I find that tecchou needs to be given more screen time in order to better appreciate and understand his character because I personally believe that there's a fundamentality of strength of beliefs needed in order to achieve the diligence that he exhibits.

first and foremost, we have no information on his backstory, which really makes me mad.

when fukuchi went through war, he decided to dominate the world and kill thousands. when jouno was in a crime organization, he came out believing that violence gets praised in this society. when tachihara suffered the loss of his older brother and constant belittlement from his family, he became extremely erratic and chaotic.

then there's this gorgeous fucker.

i'm certain he's witnessed plenty of death, some of which might've been his fault, due to his line of work. yet he is firm with jouno when it comes to protecting innocents?

i frikkin love him.

but there's something i'm missing.

let's take kunikida as an example. he sticks by his ideals with an almost comedic grip, never ceasing to believe in doing good, even if it costs him his life.

the reason? partially because he's failed before in saving people. (unpopular opinion; kunikida deserves more unconditional love. the guy has a heart of gold, whereas his bratty and murderous partner with a tainted soul gets all the love.)

now, is that the case with tecchou? what could possibly have made him despise violence and cherish good people so much?

i don't have an answer for that and i'm currently writing a 10k word essay to asagiri to demand an explanation/hj

now, my first instinct was to think that it had something to do with his weird habits and tics, especially with food and concentration.

i quickly discovered that i was a clown, not that this was new information.

The name Tetchō means 'Iron Stomach'.

haha, very funny, asagiri.

what i do value the most out of tecchou's character is how simple he is. he fights for what is right, takes down what is wrong, and is efficient. he trains to get stronger, he eats the food, he watches the ants, there's nothing more complex to him, which is where the beauty of his personality stems from.

on top of this, his soldier-like personality is just a clever allusion to irl tecchou's samurai lineage.

perhaps sometimes there truly is nothing to analyze. for this reason, i'm not going to be complicating the character.

he has a wonderful design and i hope to see more from him, perhaps an outburst of emotion (since he's been rather emotionless ever since he was introduced. not like dazai or fyodor, but like he's got nothing going on in his mind and he really just doesn't give a single shit about it) once he discovers that fukuchi was a fraud.

----------------------------------------------------------------------- there are, of course, many more i did not mention, and i could go on and on forever about each individual, but these are the biggest names that have enough information about them up until now and as good of a summary that i can provide. i would've loved to include agatha as well, but she hasn't appeared nearly enough, and verlaine, but i haven't done enough research on SB. would yall want a part 2 with any specific characters??

a quick reminder that all of this is purely my own interpretation of the characters. feel free to discuss this further or point out any mistakes i may have made, i love to hear other people's opinions!! also, this has been done for leisure; i am not a psychologist and cannot diagnose any of these characters with anything.

bungou stray dogs is perhaps the anime that spends the most time talking about the characters' mental state in a somewhat realistic way, and for this reason, i've grown to love the fandom so much that i pulled this unedited rambling out of own ass to try to contribute to yall 😩💗 ly, stay safe and have a nice day :)

[coldplaysongsonrepeat]

this Christmas I wanted to address some dream smp blogs on this funny hell of a site who actually made me enjoy my dream smp/dnf brainrot so much and made my 2 months of staying here in this community very fun and inspiring and joyful! some of them I’m mutuals with, some of them don’t know I exist, but either way I hope you guys are cool with this post and don’t think it’s creepy or whatever :) I wanted to express my respect and gratitude for you and to wish you a Merry Christmas <3 this is about to get parasocial as hell so prepare to cringe a bit lol. I’m also going to confess to sending some of the anons aka to embarrass myself. but it’s fun so here we go (veryyy looong post under this pic)

@kat-chan02 you were the first person in the fandom I started talking to! you're so friendly and nice and have such a bubbly personality :) I miss you! hope you're doing alright and have a good time during your christmas break!!

@comradedream kai my fellow russian moots haha :) we talked quite a bit and it's so nice talking to you, it seems like you know a lot about the fandom and lore and everything and you're so open to talk about it and share stories :) thank u for that! <3

@terra1ncognita elly I'm glad that we started talking! we have a huge time difference like, the other way from the american one, but I'm always happy to read your messages and wait for them :) we also have some bilingual ppl problems in common as well haha

@georgeanddreamfound hii chantelle you're running a huge dream smp tiktok and I always get caught up scrolling through it :) I respect your dedication and hard work, this app must be annoying sometimes but you're doing great! thank u for sharing my paper rings edit I'm still getting tears in my eyes when I see the amount of ppl that saw it on your acc!! and all the comments make me cry

@dteamblrsurvivingdecemberwt I am a big fan of your "dreamblr surviving november" series! not only it's hilarious and adorable but the amount of work seems to be huge! like collecting of screens, editing, I know how hard it is to work with video sometimes! so huge respect to u for entertaining us during that month and hope you're doing well :)

@dreamyygeorgenap @sheepwasfound @dreamquackity you guys were the first blogs I found here. at first I was really lost in the amount of content and reading your posts really helped me to sort it out. @sheepwasfound your tag list is magical!! it is so helpful with dnf moments! thank you for interesting takes on things when you answer asks and for clips :)

@dreamhot I love reading your blog! your answers are well-written and based, esp I liked reading your takes on latest dream's hoodie situation! I started following you around the time when you were "ollie manatreed" so I still call you "ollie" in my head haha sorry. you also make cool art :)

@stevebucky you have a very friendly and welcoming vibe in your blog! I was the anon asking you about aethetic blog recommendations and I really liked some of them and follow them now, thank u! :)

@nickelodeonhottub your blog actually blows my mind sometimes, like in a good way. I'm not too much into astrology (cause tbh I struggle with understanding it and there is just so much stuff to remember) but I enjoy reading your posts and sometimes I really can see what you're talking about, you know? you seem to be very knowledgable and serious with what you're doing. I was the anon who asked you to share some tips for ppl who wanted to get into astrology, as you really inspired me to know more!

@cryptodream our favourite morning newspaper of a blog :) the devil works hard but ciara works harder lol. no, reading your blog is so fun and it makes me laugh all the time. some of your anons are wild! I've heard about the recent news with this person psychoanalysing you and I hope you are doing okay! don't let ppl like that put you down, you're a cool person! I also sent you some anons but I'm not telling which ones even at gunpoint lmao

@falsettodrop @alsoalison you guys are my favorite writers out there! I don't read many fanfics but I'm a big fan of your works and I think you know it already :) I want to wish you lots and lots of inspiration in the upcoming year!!

@prettyboygeorgee I absolutely adore your bff quizz edit it is madly well done!! I love coming back and rewatching it from time to time :) I've seen you spent 12 hours of it and I hope you know it was worth it because so many ppl like your work!!

@milktea-grn your art is mad cool I love it so much! my fav art piece is this one because it combines two things I really like - your art style and tbwdasq!!

@messy-gguki another one of my favorite artists on this site!! I love your dnf art pieces so much, you portray them so well :) I can't even choose the favorite there are so many!

@donteatdoves your art is super adorable! one of your art pieces made me buy blue nail polish haha :))

@idiotaffectionate your art look like illustrations from some book or a cool magazine, your style is wonderfully unique! I love it sm:)

@dakotafoxart your style is mesmerising!! I love the colors and the little detail and the realism of it, truly captivating!

@clownie-brain I love your art so much and here's the secret I wanted to tell you - your fuck dream hoodie art is my favorite art of dream, like, EVER. I'm serious. it's my number 1 among all the dream arts on tumblr and on twitter

@notrllyastanacc Im in luv with your dnf drawings and you probs won't see this post cause you're not often on here but I told you already on twt that I love ur art so I hope you know :)

to all my fav fan artists out there - I wish you endless inspiration and dream fanart likes <33

I hope I didn't forget anyone!! if we're moots and I didn't mention your here that's probs because I don't really know what to say BUT if I follow you I enjoy your content and very happy to see your posts and reblogs on my dash! I don't really follow that many ppl on here tbh :))

SO MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL MY DUDES <3

I hope you'll have an amazing year and we'll enjoy the dteam irl content together and here is to many many memes and laughs and arts and fics and edits and discussions and everything!!

(quick note we don't really celebrate Christmas on 25th of December here where I'm from - we do celebrate of 7th of January - but with you guys on my dash it feels like I'm celebrating too <3)

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

omg i felt weird abt sending that ask but i was hoping it would inspire some dumping of thoughts, hell yeah i relate a lot actually being autistic/adhd and a trans guy. which is honestly why i’m caught off guard by my recent izzy fascination. i think i’d be less fascinated if i was involved in the fandom and had been bogged down by discourse lol. like i fully HATED him on my first watch when the show came out a few months ago and prayed on his downfall but then i set the show aside for a while and rewatched it last month and since then i can’t stop thinking abt him. i think it’s bc i’m at a place rn where i find it rlly hard to connect to ppl, have to shove down my feelings to get by on the daily, i’ve have a bunch of very emotional ppl around me my whole life who i’ve had to manage things for, and bc of my autistic interest with character tropes starting from a super young age i sometimes have to work to see other ppl as archetypes of themselves rather than fully fledged nuanced ppl. so i’m interested in psychoanalysing him but not excusing his stuff bc he’s fr the most unhealthily coping person in the show which is saying something. but tbh i think if i let my walls down i’d relate to ed more? but the walls existing makes me relate a lot to izzy rn i think. but not that much bc like hey sucks and i’m gay. i will say i never got the repressed sexuality stuff from him but that’s just me. i read it more as him being completely repulsed by romance and emotion bc it stirs something in him he rlly doesn’t want to confront. idk i’m in my izzy hands blorbo era rn and trying to avoid talking to the wrong ppl abt it dbsnbd sorry if it’s annoying

Dude you're so valid. I hope you get better at letting people in and keep working on your empathy. I usually see Izzy kinning as a red flag but it sounds like you're relating to the fact that he's the only character on the boat who isn't in the found family and to the fact that he projects things onto people which you seem to be self aware of so ill let it slide. Onto Blorbo from my shows.

I suppose one doesn't have to read him as repressed. Although I don't think that him being a repressed gay guy and him being completely repulsed by romance and emotion because it stirs in him something he doesn't want to confront are necessarily so different. Either way the vibe is that he's scared or resentful of his own feelings for Ed. I've never thought that he was necessarily pretending to be straight or anything. This is all head canon at this point but to me I think he's probably willing to admit his sexual attraction to some men. (He knows he's attracted to Ed and would probably admit it if the right person asked him in the right way but he'd never even let himself form the thought "I want to fuck Lucius" much less say it out loud despite it being objectively true) But I that being said I think a repulsion to gay love, which we know he has because of the whole "He's done something to my boss's brain" bit (and all of the baggage that implying queer love is a corrupting influence carries), is still repression. I suppose if he's aromantic (I have seen that head canon floating since Con said that he isn't interested in a romantic relationship at the C2E2 panel) maybe not but Aro people don't choose not to love, they just don't experience romantic attraction. Izzy Hands seems to actively choose not to love, romantic or otherwise, because he thinks love makes you weak (if the way he treats a love sick Edward is any indication anyway). So IDK how comfortable I am with putting him in the aromantic category, just because there are so few aro characters and one of them being a man who despises love and is the villain in a rom-com trying to keep the alloromantic main couple apart isn't a great look, but that's a whole other thing.

But yeah avoiding certain people is a good plan because you really have to avoid certain takes. Because it's not like Izzy is Kylo Ren, right, he's not utterly deplorable in that sort of way (I know Kylo got a redemption arc but it was a shitty one that failed to actually redeem him and he was still a space fascist don't at me). He's just a fucked up guy on a pirate ship, if there was ever a place to be a fucked up guy it would be on a pirate ship. But if we're gonna sympathize with him we have to avoid certain takes and certain people. Like we just can't be pretending that he's not motivated by homophobia, we can't be pretending that Ed's abusing him somehow, we can't pretend that there's nothing to the reading of him doing some racist things, we can't pretend that he's some hypercompetent babysitter who is the only one getting things done on the ship (even if that's how he sees himself it's not true, it's proven wrong by the events of the show).

All that to say I guess he's a fun blorbo as long as you're not vilifying Ed or missing the point of the character. Probably keep avoiding Izzy stans tbh.

[tootiredforaname]

Getting To Know You Meme!

 Thank you for tagging me @mossmuncher , love doing these

Rules: tag a few people you want to know better; make a new post, don't reblog!

Favorite Color:

Warm brown, but baby blue has a place deep in my heart

Currently Reading:

Trying to get back into reading with the three Dublin plays by Seán O'Casey. They're very well-written, and a good look into early 1900s Irish politics

Last Song:

Soap by Penelope Scott! I love all her music, the whole Hazards album is always in my head

Last Movie:

Crimson Peak. Amazing film, the costumes are so pretty and well designed. I like a bit of artsy exploration of abuse from time to time, so it was very fun for me

The scene where the ants eat the butterfly will haunt me forever

Last Series:

Our Flag Means Death! Watched it all the way through in like three days, now me and a friend are watching it together. I'm literally obsessed it's becoming a problem

Sweet, Savory, or Spicy:

Spicy 100%. If I have to take breaks from eating bc my tongue lost all feeling I'm having a great time

Coffee or Tea:

Recently started experimenting with coffee, but nothing beats a cup of tea and a pack of custard creams

Three Ships:

1. Stede/Edward bodyslammed me out of nowhere, I haven't thought about anything else in six days

2. Blunder. I am not immune to the gay magicians and their various disorders

3. Lonelyeyes. I could psychoanalyse why I love them so much to hell and back but I'm not on enough medication to handle it

First Ever Ship:

Listen I know last time I said it was Horrid Henry but I recently unrepressed some memories and turns out it was Gorgonzola/Chowder from the Chowder show. I was a deranged little man

Currently Working On:

Getting back into writing! And art. Generally trying to be more creative, and bring a bit more joy to my life.

Favorite Piece of Clothing:

This blue and black hawaiian shirt I got from a charity shop. It goes with everything, it makes me feel Gender, and I get tons of compliments whenever I wear it

Comfort Food:

Potato waffles. I could eat hundreds of them and not be satisfied, they're the holy grail

Favorite Time Of Year:

Mid-summer. I don't like being in the sun bc I burn really easy, but when it's completely dark but still warm enough to wear shorts and a tank top outside… I am at peace

Fave Fanfic:

A Little Vision of the Start and the End by Hereticality fucked me up so hard I'm not joking. One of my first Stobotnik fics, left me stranded by the road with nothing but clothes and tears. I wake up every morning and blow a kiss at it.

Their other Sonic fic is amazing too, if you're looking for something packed with longing and bittersweet feels I'd highly recommend!

Tagging @ninchecain and @heartshpedfx (no pressure to do it, y'all just seem very cool)

[emmetverse]

Roach had decided he'd had enough of sitting in the workshop sulking. Getting internet working was a bad idea. Things were better when it was just them - no outside distractions or influences. And yes, that was a lie, and he knew it was. But he lied anyway. Because he was grumpy as heck, and he needed to take it out on someone.

He had meant to go towards the house to find something to do, but instead paused just outside the door, looking towards the crates in the centre. He'd recognise that dumb, white curly hair anywhere. And as he approached, he saw the straighter, familiar brown hair next to them.

He paused mid-step, staring down at them. They each had a tub of ice cream and a spoon, talking about something or other. Brick was on Spark's lap, pawwing at the spoon pitifully.

"Aren't those tubs meant to be sharing size?"

They broke off, turning to look back at him. Threes shrugged, shoving his spoon back in.

"There's so much of it. Why huddle over one?"

Roach couldn't help but scowl. "Are you kidding me? You're actually eating it?"

"... You're the one who asked for it."

"That's suspicious as hell, though!"

"It's food, jackass." Threes glared. "They're all sealed. Unless someone had a crazy vendetta against us, it's not poisoned or anything."

Spark nodded along. "I don't think the internet friends would poison us."

"That, too."

"Wh- no, I don't think it's them-"

"Just have some," Threes huffed, then glanced him up and down. "I think some calcium would do you good."

"You're crazy if you think I'm touching anything like that."

"Crazier than you?"

"Excuse me?!"

Spark turned away, ignoring their argument and looking past them both to the farms that they all tended, to the compost bin and planting beds that Roach and Em had built together. They tilted their head a little, and looked back at him.

"When is the last time you ate something that you didn't make?"

"What the-" Roach stammered, reeling backwards. "Don't psychoanalyse me, freak!"

Spark just laughed softly. And they reached out their hand. "Come down."

He saw Threes tense as their fingers touched his. And he felt it in the way Spark was so nervous, so tentative to actually grip it, to actually pull him down.

No. It wasn't like that. He was good, right? That's why they let him stay here. Why would they be nervous of him?

But despite it, he felt the lump in his gut, the thought screaming 'danger', the urge to bite.

He followed his guide, letting himself be pulled down to sit cross-legged in the sand alongside them. It felt wrong. Something told him to run.

Threes reached into the crate. It took him a moment to get a grip on a tub. He pulled it out, flicking the blanket back over in a vague attempt to keep the rest cold. And then he handed it over. Just held it out. So normally, so casually.

And so slowly, so cautiously, Roach took it.

It was so cold. He must have taken one from the middle, because there was still a little frost on the outside of it. It tingled against his fingers, the cold radiating into them. It was a sensation that was almost nostalgic. It felt like someone else's memory.

He popped the lid off with his thumbs, his nose involuntarily wrinkling at the sickly sweet smell. He tilted it back, looking at the name. 'Jamoca Almond Fudge'. Yeah. That tracks.

He glanced up to the others. They were acting so casually, continuing their conversation, trying to act inconspicuous. It wasn't really working. But that didn't stop the fact that it helped... Just a little. He didn't want it to. That was dumb. Why was he letting himself get swayed by just two people pretending to ignore him?!

But it did smell so good. Nice and cold. It was always the same temperature here. Warming yourself up with blankets and fire was easy. Cooling yourself off was a different matter. And it was so nice to feel cold.

His head lowered and he gave it another sniff. It was a little soft, almost liquid around the edges where he'd been holding it. He tilted the tub a little, watching it slowly run, almost like lava.

A part of him considered the idea that they'd probably all drop dead of blood-sugar induced heart attacks before Em and Rex got back.

What, was he scared? Of a food? How dumb was that?

He stuck his finger into the tub. And before his brain could say anything else stupid, he shoved it in his mouth.

By every god that be, it was sweet. He felt the back of his tongue curl. And the flavour quickly spread as the ice cream melted.

To describe what was going on in this man's head was a difficult task on the best of days. All that can really be said was that he just stared. At the tub, beyond it - it was hard to say. It went on to the point that the others fell quiet; waiting, watching, worried. (Other than Brick, who was taking the opportunity to shove his face in Spark's tub.)

And then he just.. Sobbed.

He didn't bother to try and hide it as the tears rolled down. Spark leant over, rubbing small circles into his back. He didn't pull away.

[cappymightwrite]

omg it's hilarious that you're a 'Ben Barnes thirst confesional booth™'!

you're really eloquent about it so it's no wonder that we come here to confess our sins

I read something on reddit a bit ago, a user saying how it look like Ben would be the perfect boyfriend, and another one replying that they weren't very sure about that, because the fact that he's 39yo and it seems that he has never been in a serious relationship is a big red flag, and it never had crossed my mind to think something like that.

what are your thoughts about it?

Lmao I just added "Ben Barnes thirst confesional booth™" to my bio because I genuinely really enjoy these asks! 😅 Also thanks! I think just through doing some self reflection whilst in lockdown I've really come understand what I find attractive in others and on a deeper level, what I value in them and in myself too — it's been a fun and very illuminating journey!

But onto your question... um 🤨 I think that person who made a comment about "red flags" is talking utter crap, frankly 🙄 Ok, I went OFF here just a bit, so this goes under the cut!

First of all, I don't know anything about his romantic life, nor do I especially wish to (because it's none of my business), but the impression I get is that he's pretty private so who the hell knows what his longest and/or most serious relationship has been! None of these people speculating about him know him, we know but a fraction of that man, and what we do know is someone who is very personable, intelligent, sweet and funny. At least that's my impression, and all of those things are qualities I'd value immensely in a romantic partner — and that's excluding his astounding handsomeness!

But really, even if the case is that he has never been in a "serious" relationship, whatever that implies, it has no bearing on him as a person who is worthy and deserving of love and respect. No one's experiences with relationships are universal — some people fall into them very easily, some people want something serious but take a while to find it, some people don't want anything at all, etc. Dating and connecting romantically with people isn't always as straightforward as the movies suggest. Life has its ebbs and flows, and you don't have to have "made it" romantically by the time you're 30, or 40, or 50, or whatever. There is no "making it", there's just life.

But more than that, just because you aren't currently "seriously" romantically attached to someone, haven't been for a while, or indeed never have been, doesn't mean you are failing at life (if that's something you do indeed want). It certainly doesn't make you a "red flag". That is such a limited, shallow, hurtful way to regard things.

Honestly, I think whoever replied with that "red flag" thing is probably someone who consciously, or subconsciously, ascribes a lot of social value to being in a relationship, especially a long term one. For me, I think the older you get, the more you realise that people aren't and shouldn't be wholly defined by their "success" at romantic relationships. Personally, I think there is a lot to be said for self reliance, for knowing who you are as an individual, as an independent person, and I think that gets pushed aside quite a bit in the way we think about people's "worth" as adults, or even actively avoided by some people.

So, I agree with you in that it has never crossed my mind to judge Ben like that, because I don't know him, and more than that, it's not my place to judge him or psychoanalyse the reasons behind his presumed single status. Not to sound pouncy, but I've been reading a book by the philosopher Alain de Botton, called Essays in Love, and I can't remember if he says it in there, or elsewhere, but somewhere he made a comment about opening yourself up to being "imaginative" about why people are the way they are. Because for ourselves, there may be plenty of nuanced reasons why certain things did or didn't work out for us, why we did or didn't pursue one thing or another at any given time. So surely we should extend that same understanding, that same flexibility of thought to other people?

So yeah, I think that particular redditor quite possibly doesn't realise that their "red flag" take isn't the deep read they think it is. If anything, it's the opposite. But to conclude...

If I was talking to Ben right now, first of all I'd say 😳😬 dear god don't look at my blog or read any of my tags on your gifsets lmao 😂😅 but then I would say (if it was a worry for him)... being worthy and deserving of romantic love, respect, and understanding doesn't have an age limit. Stay lovely and just do you bby, no presh, no rush ❤️x

Thanks for the ask!